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#also this will be good to practice my english i believe
gioreadscomics · 2 years
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Hi guys, my name is Gio!
I used to read a lot of comics circa 2012/2013 and then I just stopped. But this year I’ve been getting back into it, so I made this side-tumblr to liveblog and catalog my readings!
main blog: @trustmy-rage
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i do this funny overcompensation when im writing where because when i use british words on purpose because i know theyre british and im writing british characters i feel like a poser so i pick (what i think are) the more american alternatives when i know i have options, making my fic sound more american than it already does by virtue of my having watched a lot of american tv
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electricpurrs · 7 months
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Just want to say you type English very well! I'm sure you're just fine while speaking it! 💖
thanks ^_^
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perilegs · 1 year
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You often leave tags worrying about your English spelling and typos, which is ridiculous because you have better English grammar and correct spelling more than most first language English speakers
ahdjdk i know but ty, i appreciate hearing it!
#ask#anonymous#to be real for a sec i know my level is pretty good but for a long time being good at learning languages was the only thing i was good at#so since there are a lot of words i dont know the meaning of or cant use and other ppl who dont speak english as their native language do#i feel like im not allowed to not know those things bc whats my excuse. would i know what those words meant in my native language if i was#given the translation? definitely not!#and i know i make an equal amount of weird grammatical errors and typos in both english and finnish#but i feel like i will b judged harshly for making those mistakes in a 2nd language and people will look at me and think damn#at least im better than him lol cant believe he actually writes like that yikes#which isnt true but idk i just feel like it's socially more acceptable to make mistakes in your native language than a language that youve#been learning since you were a child. its ridicilous to strive for perfection especially bc im not a writer or getting a degree in english#or anything like that#idk man#and the stress i have about speaking in a perfect manner has made it so that idk how to pronounce a lot of words and sometimes#find it hard to get even a single word out bc i know im going to sound dumb bc i have a strong accent and forget words#but not only that its bc i have nearly no practice in actually speaking english bc im terrified of it bc i have no practiced bc im terrifi#you get the point#anyways saying/writing things weird on purpose helps in a weird way?? everyone else with this problem should also try it#but yea idk something about being judged in a complete different way as soon as someone finds out english isn't your native language#like i know i got all a's in english all thorough school and stuff but agh idk#i hold myself to higher standards than i hold native speakers lmaoo#im trying to learn out of it tho#ive literally done some translation jobs and notice nuances some non native speakers miss bc some things you just have to feel no matter ho#w good your knowledge is#yet im still here like sigh if someone knows one more thing than i do its over for me#which is not good lmaoooo#leevi talks
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norrisleclercf1 · 5 months
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Santa's Little Helper
Pairing: Dad!Lando Norris x F!Reader
Rating: PG
Words: 1.3K
Warnings: Pregnancy, other than that none just fluff
Requested: Yes/No
Synopsis: Lando is finally coming home for the holidays and decides to play elf
A/N: Yes I broke my hiatus, don't judge me
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"Ready to be home?" 
Lando lifts his head from the window of his seat and looks at Oscar. They weren't the young kids they were once, long gone the season of '23. Oscar was married with two adorable little girls, Lando having married you years ago. 
"Of course, I miss them." He whispers. The season was finally over, and Lando could eventually join his family back home. You, of course, called him and kept in touch, but it was also hard to travel with a toddler and you being pregnant. 
"Yeah, I'm flying home soon too. Have to finish up here first." Oscar nods towards the McLaren factory. Groaning, they both climb out of the car, stretching. "Just need to get through this and then can be home," Lando mumbles as the two trudge through the harsh Woking winter. Oscar sighs when the intense heat of the building hits their faces, which makes Lando melt. 
"Hurry up, I've got to get back to London before Y/n and Theodore get home." Oscar rolls his eyes as he follows Lando through the factory to the meeting room. 
------------------------
Zak knew it was useless to get Lando to focus on the meeting. The older driver needed to be more focused on checking his phone every once in a while. Everyone knew you were out of town and still believed that Lando was in Dubai instead of home in England. Zak could tell that Lando was losing his patience as his knee tapping got quicker and louder. Yep, Zak was ending this now. 
"Alright," The CEO claps his hands and stands up, patting Andrea on the back and letting him stop talking. "I think we've had a very long season and year with that," Lando didn't wait as he grabbed his stuff and rushed out of the room. "Have a wonderful holiday." Zak sighs, Oscar chuckling, holding his own phone and leaving. But Zak can hear his voice pick up and the screams of delight from the speaker. 
"Well, see you in January." Andrea laughs and pats Zak on the back, walking out. 
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" Just, can you please try and delay them?" Lando begs into the phone. Your mother laughs as Lando frantically rushes around your home in London. He only had enough time to sort this out and needed you to be stalled. "Lando, darling, only so much I can do." Your mother chuckled, but her voice grew quiet when you passed by. 
"Mom? Who are you talking to?" Lando stills, holding his breathing, thinking that you'd be able to tell it was him through that. "Your aunt sugar plum, want to talk to her?" Lando can practically see your nose scrunching up as you quickly say no and walk away. Sighing in relief, Lando rushes, looking for the rest of the Christmas decorations and the new ones he's bought. 
"Really? Calling me the Aunt, that's your sister Ma." Lando teases, and your mother snorts. "That old bat will talk Y/n, poor ear off. So, why should I help you?" Lando rolls his eyes. Your mother and he constantly pick on one another, but it is filled with love. "How about I'll let you hold the baby after Y/n and I?" "Deal, I'll hide the car keys." She hangs up, which has Lando cheering. 
Stopping, he looks down at his feet and smiles, dropping to his knees. "Well, buddy, we better get started." Your English Cocker Spaniel, named Cookie. Cookie barks loudly and licks Lando's hand. "Good girl," Lando stands and looks around. "First, let's set the mood." Walking over, he hooks his phone up to the speakers and smiles as Frank Sinatra's voice fills the house. 
Lando doesn't start decorating right away. Instead, he starts cleaning the house. You were about 7 months pregnant, and it was hard to do some house chores. He wanted to show you how much he loves you. Lando wasn't one with words; more actions and giving. Moving through the house, he pushes open his son's room and smiles. 
Theodore loved Formula 1 and Marvel. His room was nothing but decked out in its merchandise. A picture of you and Lando holding him in front of his McLaren and then one giant group, one with all his uncles. Theodore's room was covered in his toys, and Lando gets to work. Putting up the toys and grabbing one of his shopping bags, he strips the bed of its sheets. He got these cute little snowmen for the sheets. Theodore matched the sheets with the identical snowmen for the comforter he got. 
He grabs another bag and takes out mini decorations. A little fake tree with Marvel and f1 ornaments. He gets to work setting it up. He hums along to the song with Cookie at the foot of the bed, watching Lando. A mini navy blue tree skirt covers the bottom of the tree and places fake gifts there. Next, Lando hands up some little fairy lights on the wall behind the bed. He puts a moose, snowman, elf, and Santa stuffies on the corner and then two red and green pillows on the bed. 
Lando finishes it by hanging up a little zipline with an Elf on it and flying over the bed with a remote. "Alright, time for the main room." Cookie whines but happily follows Lando through the house. 
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"Momma, hungry," Theodore whines as you pull up the driveway. "I know, babes, we'll eat when we get inside. It's been a long day. The baby was kicking your bladder. Theodore wanted nothing more than his Daddy. Lando wasn't answering his phone, and then your mother hid your fucking keys. "Hungry," Theodore whines, helping him out of the car; you just nod. 
"Come on, I'll make you some nuggies." Theodore smiles at you as you open the front door and freeze. There greeting you was your Christmas tree covered in soft lights, ornaments, and gifts already wrapped and under the tree. "Wha," "Hey, dinner is ready." You turn your head to see your husband wearing a Mrs. Clause apron. "Lando?" Your husband smiles, and Theodore gasps. 
"Mommy, Santa was here." Theo giggles and points at the gifts. "Um, excuse me, little man? Aren't you happy to see me?" Theo squeals louder, running toward his father and swinging him up Theodore, babbling happily. You clear your throat, trying to gain control of your emotions, but you can't notice that the house is also clean. "Lando," You whisper, hand cradling your belly. 
He gets that tooth-goofy smile of his and walks over and hugs you. "Mommy, Daddy is home," Theodore whispers, which makes you laugh through your tears. "Yes, buddy. Daddy is home." Lando snorts, wanting to make a joke but doesn't. "Alright, there are nuggies and some mac and cheese that's getting cold." Theodore wiggles out of his father's hold and zooms into the kitchen. Lando chuckles but stops when you pull him down, kissing him deeply. 
Lando moans as he pulls you in and dips you slightly before pulling you back up. "Well, hello to you too." He grumbles, blinking his eyes open as you push back his unruly curls. "I'm guessing that wasn't my aunt talking to my mother earlier?" Lando blushes and looks away. "No idea what you're talking about." You giggle and kiss him on his cheeks, smiling. 
"Why'd you do all this?" Lando pulls back, needing clarification on your question. "Baby, you're growing our baby, and besides, I love you and wanted to make things easier for you. I'm your husband. This is the bare fucking minimum. The dishes are done, the laundry is folded, the sheets are all clean, and dinner is cooked. Now, let's eat our nuggets before Theo, the little gremlin, eats them all." Nodding, you head into the kitchen, seeing Theo stare hard at his plate. 
"Theo, you could've started." You push back his hair, and he shakes his head no. "Daddy is home, but the elves still might be here. Have to be good." Lando snorts and plates your food, and your mouth waters and sit down. "That's right, Theo, better be good, or I'll bring back the elves." Rolling your eyes, you knew the elves were no more than Carlos, Charles, Max V, Max F, Oscar, and Daniel. 
"Yeah, the elves." You remark, and Lando cuts you a glare, but it is playful. "Hey, the elves are the ones who got all the gifts. Don't be mean to the elves." "Yes, and you were all wonderful little helpers." You smile, and Lando slowly pushes back the evidence of the others helping him. 
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verstappen-cult · 5 months
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HOW YOU GET THE GIRL | CL16
— 01. THE BEGINNING
NEXT PART — [ SERIES MASTERLIST ]
summary: in which charles has an embarrassing crush on alex's childhood best friend and everyone meddles. content warnings: faceclaim is taylor hill but you can picture her as you’d like! some cursing. note: hiii i love being a little delulu, so i had to do this. it is also my first time doing a smau for the f1 fandom, so be kind with me! if you see some mistakes please know that english is not my first language and i noticed them once everything was finished, lol. ♡
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📍MIAMI, FL
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yourusername unexpected trip. 🧃
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user1 Alex x Y/N content incoming????
user2 they haven't been seen together in a while user3 i don't think they're friends anymore user4 he left a comment lol
alex_albon brownie's the real star in this pic
yourusername forget about pic credits.
user5 she was in greece a couple of days ago, oh to be rich
user6 and pretty user7 and have famous friends user8 and BE famous
williamsracing Thanks for accepting our invitation, we can't wait to have you with us this weekend!
alex_albon YOUR invitation???
user9 we're sleeping in the fact that she's gonna be in the paddock this weekend for the first time
user10 she's living the dream
TWITTER
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Y/N’s IMESSAGE
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INSTAGRAM POST
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yourusername i only came here to drink and watch guys in very fast cars.
📸: @alex_albon who i had to physically drag out of his hotel room after free practice was over.
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user11 caption is so real
user12 she's just like us fr
tchalamet call me next time you're in nyc
user13 ARIANA WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE user14 timmy is doing what all of us want to do
haileybieber pretty girl
user15 idk abt u guys but i see lando in the likes 👀
user16 don't read too much into it user17 they’re probable friends user18 i wanna be her
alex_albon i'm so good at taking pics i should dedicate my life to photography
yourusername please stick to driving
user19 i want their friendship :(
ALEX’S IMESSAGE
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INSTAGRAM STORIES
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Seen by zendaya, charles_leclerc and 287,386 others
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there is no cause in calling or messaging alex, you know he will not answer. not when qualy is just an hour away and he needs to be prepared.
you don’t know where you are. you see the main entrance a couple of meters away, but you can’t remember where to go from there. but you also can’t stand all day in a place you don’t know, surrounded by fans and people too eager to notice how lost you look. the best you can do is walk around and find your way back; if you have any luck you’ll find alex’s garage before he has to go out. to wish him luck and punch him in the face.
you send him one last message, promising to make his life a living hell, and put your phone away.
you’re trying to follow the path you remember in your head, when someone comes barreling into you.
“hey!” the person says a little out of breath. “i was just looking for you.”
you take off your sunglasses to get a better look and it dawns on you that you definitely know this person. or at least you’ve seen him countless of times in your tv, sometimes in alex’s instagram stories too.
“charles!” you really don’t know him, this is definitely the first time you are speaking to him, but you’ve never been so happy to see someone you barely know before. “oh my god, you won’t believe what alex did to me.”
“i know,” he says immediately and you furrow your eyebrows. he shows you his phone, as if that will tell you what you need to know, but when you don’t speak, he smiles hesitantly. you don’t know if the blush on his cheeks is because he was running to get to you or if it’s for a whole different reason. “i saw your story and thought maybe i could help you?”
you process his words for a few seconds, until you realize who really is in front of you. “oh my god, charles!” you exclaim a little louder, drawing attention, and you witness how people begin to notice charles’ presence because of that. he looks at you with confusion on his face, race suit hanging low around his waist. “you’re not supposed to be here, you should be in your car.”
charles’ blush deepens. “yeah,” he says, scratching his neck and avoiding your gaze. “but i couldn’t leave a pretty girl here all alone.”
now it’s your turn to blush, cheeks heating up so much that you’re sure everyone around you can see it.
“let’s go, please. i don’t want to be the reason why you’re gonna be scolded for.”
you walk beside him, trying to give him space as he takes selfies with a few fans that have the courage to approach him. however, charles apologizes with a smile when he sees you a couple of meters away and, as you walk side by side, you can’t help but notice heads turning in your direction and whispers of your name and his.
you fall into an easy conversation that ends up sooner than you’d have liked. but you don’t part ways until his number is on your phone and the promise to text him on your lips.
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Y/N’s IMESSAGE
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INSTAGRAM POST
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Liked by charles_leclerc, romeestrijd and 676,823 others
yourusername what an incredible weekend! i got to attend my first GP thanks to @/williamsracing (and alex too, he gets mad if i don’t say he had to do with it) and meet new and amazing people. let’s hope this is not the last. 🏎️🤞🏼
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user20 SHE LOOKED SO BEAUTIFUL
user21 mother is mothering
williamsracing Oh no, thank YOU for accepting our invitation and enjoying with us, even if you got lost for a minute. 💙
yourusername it was all alex’s fault alex_albon NO DON'T LISTEN TO HER, THEY ARE FRAMING ME !!!!
user22 everybody calm down… CHARLES IS IN HER LIKES
user23 so it’s true what everyone’s been saying? they were together on saturday??? user24 idk but there are pics of them walking together user25 not my boyfriend trying to steal my girlfriend
romeestrijd you need to take me w you next time. ❤️‍🔥
yourusername we'll have so much fun! user26 does this mean you're going to the next race?
user27 why do people always assume a driver's dating someone when they like a pic??? u’re acting crazy
user28 like friendships between a man and a woman exists, HELLO !?!?
charles_leclerc thanks for stopping by.
user29 CHARLES WHAT user30 Stopping by where? user31 what do you mean?? i mean what do you- what do you mean??
user32 not Y/N replying to all her friends comments and not charles' 🤣🤣
user33 she's too much for him user34 HE'S too much for her x
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note: ups, hello to you again… if you make it here, thank u sm! let me give you a lil kiss on the forehead. btw i’m planning on making this a series, so if you liked it please let me know. and if you want to request something, feel free! comments & reblogs are greatly appreciated. 🫶🏼
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ineffable-romantics · 10 months
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Some thoughts on why and how I believe Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship would incorporate sex/why I do not read them as wholly asexual:
This is something I've seen the most discourse about in this fandom, and I've had a few thoughts of my own that I really wanted to expand upon in a full meta/character analysis post. I do understand that this can be a contentious topic, so first, let me clarify a few things:
First of all, this is going to be long. Tbh it probably won't be that organized either. I ramble and I'm not very good at editing, so just... you know. Be warned. (*Hi, it's me from 2 days after writing this; I'm really not kidding, it's LONG)
These are all my own thoughts. They might not be hot takes, because recently I've seen more than a few people come to the same conclusions on a lot of these points as I have. But I've also had these notes in my drafts for about a week and a half now, and have been continuously adding to it as things have occurred to me. This post is essentially just somewhere for me to collect the separate but related meta I've been kicking around in my head.
I fully respect anyone who does see and prefer an asexual reading of this relationship. These are my own thoughts and interpretations as someone who is not asexual. I am in the LGBT+ community, so while I do know a few things about the asexuality spectrum, I am by no means an expert.
This is NOT something I expect, need, or even necessarily want the show (or, God forbid, Neil's tumblr ask box) to address. Tonally, it's just not that kind of show. Newt and Anathema's sex scene was very much played for laughs, and it worked for that reason. If the show found a way to address it in a way that was both appropriate for the tone of the show and ultimately satisfying, then great! But there is so much more to this relationship than sex, and I didn't need a kiss to confirm their love, so I certainly don't need a sex scene. As immortal beings (as I assume they'll stay) there is so much of the rest of their lives we'll never get to see. You can headcanon them as asexual and potentially be right. I can headcanon them as not and be equally potentially right. Again, these are just a collection of my own thoughts, because I think the question of sexuality (or lack thereof) is just as interesting a facet of these characters as any other.
Note: Tbh I've been second-guessing this whole post and debated deleting the whole thing several times for being silly or unnecessary, bc I don't want anyone to think that this is the only thing I care about when it comes to this story/characters. But if nothing else, it's inspired me to write in a way that nothing has in a very long time, so I've decided it's worth continuing, if for no other reason than that.
This is going to be a mixed bag of textual reading, subtextual reading, and a full-on reach or two. It's been a while since I've been in an English class, but if my teachers expected me to find a deeper meaning behind blue curtains, you can expect me to read too deeply into the symbolism of a loaded rifle or an ox rib. (This is probably not what my professors had in mind when grading my literary analysis papers but oh well) My point is, if it feels like a reach, I'm as aware of it as you are. I am in no way saying that all (or even any) of my points made were deliberate on the part of Neil or the actors or the writers or the directors. I am no longer the delulu Apple Tree Yard child of my youth, I promise.
If anything said here is in any way offensive or hurtful to anyone in the asexual community, please do not hesitate to message me or comment and let me know exactly what it was. I promise you it is not my intention to do so, and am happy to clarify or outright edit anything that reads that way.
With all that being said, let's talk about why I think Crowley and Aziraphale would absolutely fuck nasty incorporate sex into their relationship.
Note: I am out of practice with essay writing, so I think I'll just go down the bullet points of notes I have been making, and expand on each as best I can
Food
Where better to start than with Aziraphale's introduction to Pleasures Of The Flesh? (Just a heads up, this entire post may feel very Aziraphale-heavy, and with good reason).
This might be the least hot take here. We've all seen the Job minisode. We've all seen That Scene.
Whether this was intentional or not, the symbolism here is off the charts. Eve was tempted by an apple. So why not go a similar route and tempt Aziraphale with another fruit, or cheese, or bread, or literally anything else for his first experience with food? Instead, we go with a huge, glistening slab of fresh meat that he proceeds to absolutely go feral upon, moaning and gasping into his meal while Crowley watches with what definitely doesn't look to be disgust or even satisfaction with a good temptation. There's surprise at the ferocity of Aziraphale's appetite, certainly. But ultimately he looks to be intensely fascinated by it, while the thunder crashes, the music crescendos, and the earth literally shakes around them.
(It's also interesting to note how very little it takes for Crowley to tempt him with the ox rib. One murmured suggestion, a bit of unwavering eye contact, and vavoom Aziraphale immediately meets him in the middle.)
Cut to Aziraphale devouring the rest of the meat with Crowley splayed back on a makeshift bed, drinking wine and continuing to watch him indulge through half-lidded eyes. Outside a thunderstorm rages while they're learning secrets about each other in warm flickering firelight. It's cosy, it's intimate, and if they'd thrown in a bearskin throw blanket, it might as well be a post-coital scene straight out of Game of Thrones.
The next time (chronologically) we see them discuss food is when Aziraphale "tempts" Crowley with oysters in Rome. So Crowley first tempts Aziraphale with meat and then Aziraphale tempts Crowley with what is widely regarded to be an aphrodisiac. Interesting.
And then chronologically after that, the Arrangement begins to form, which has always reeked of a friends with benefits situation. Just to throw that in there.
It's What Humans Do
In the very first episode, we're shown Gabriel's obvious disgust and bewilderment towards Aziraphale eating sushi, calling it "gross matter" and being proud of the fact that he does not sully his body with it. Aziraphale initially tries to defend his own enjoyment in it, before passing it off as something that humans do, as something he simply has to do in order to blend in (which we know very well is not the case).
He does this again in season 2, passing off Nina and Maggie being in love as "something humans do". But it isn't, is it? Angels are beings of love, and can sense it, and understand very well what it is... up to a point. Even romantic love is obviously within their wheelhouse, given what we now know happened between Gabriel and Beelzebub (we'll come back to them).
What the "humans do" that angels wouldn't understand is messy, physical forms of love.
But here's the thing: Aziraphale and Crowley love doing what the humans do. They love drinking, they (or at least Aziraphale) love eating. They love music. Crowley loves driving and sleeping and watching rom-coms and sitcoms. Aziraphale loves reading and doing magic and earning little licenses and certificates for achievement in his various hobbies. They love to playact at being human so much that they've stopped playacting and started building a genuinely human lifestyle for themselves and with each other.
Once together in an unambiguously romantic sense, why do we think they wouldn't also want to explore one of the most prominent, intimate, powerful human expressions of love and desire with each other?
Angels, Demons, & Asexuality
Here's where I really want to clarify that in no way do I mean that sex is necessary for a healthy, fulfilling, and loving romantic relationship, or that the lack of desire for sex makes you any less human. Asexuality is a sexuality as valid and human as any. What I would say is that it is definitely in the human minority compared to allosexuality.
Angels and demons, on the other hand, are predominately asexual. Sexless/genderless unless Making An Effort. (Which, btw, is a concept introduced as early as the original book; why even bring it up as a possibility? Why not keep angels/demons being sexless/asexual as a hard and fast rule, if not to open up the potential for later use? Chekhov's Effort, if you will. And isn't that something that Aziraphale in particular is shown to do time and time again? He makes an effort in French and driving and magic, doesn't he?)
And this is why I don't believe Aziraphale and Crowley necessarily need to be asexual, narratively. There is already a huge amount of ace rep within the angels and demons (and no, not just the horrible ones. Muriel also doesn't "drink the tea" and has no reason or desire thus far to Make An Effort, and there are certainly other angels and demons who aren't horrible like the archangels seem to be who likely wouldn't Make An Effort either).
The central conflict for Aziraphale and Crowley is that they are on their own side, the ones who went native, the ones who are so different in so many ways from their respective hives. It would make sense for them to also break away from traditional angel/demon asexuality.
I say "traditional angel/demon asexuality", because I would also like to note that I would absolutely not rule out demisexuality for either of them. This post is being written to as a response to people who specifically believe that they (like the rest of the angels/demons seem to be) would be sex-averse in a relationship, and that it wouldn't be a factor in their relationship. I could easily read them as demisexual, but I do think there would be no real way of verifying this, because they've never been able to form as close an emotional relationship with anyone else but each other. Certainly not in heaven, and I can't imagine they would be able to form that kind of attachment with any of the humans, who they love and emulate but ultimately regard as the separate species they are. So yes, they could either be allosexual or demisexual, in my opinion.
Then again, now that I think about it, Making An Effort itself could be a great metaphor for demisexuality, since they would be entirely sexless/asexual until they have enough of an emotional connection with someone to consciously manifest otherwise. Since the other angels and demons don't generally form those types of emotional connections with anyone, there hasn't been a precedent for it.
Except...
Brielzebub
We do have a precedent for it now, don't we? Gabriel and Beelzebub fell in love. They are a direct foil for Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship, speedrunning right through their courtship and finding their happily ever after on the other side of things.
For being such a 1 to 1 comparison, it feels deliberate that they did not kiss. They held hands, they were gooey with each other, but they did not kiss. That feels like such a deliberate thing to omit when you know what's to come at the end of the episode between Crowley and Aziraphale.
And going back to the food = sex metaphor for a moment, let's notice how even as they fell in love over the years, even when pints and crisps were there on the table in front of them, they never felt the desire to reach out for them. They didn't need to. It's a date (love story) even if you aren't eating dinner (sleeping together).
Yes, I know Jim liked hot chocolate. No, I am not counting it because I don't consider Jim and Gabriel to be the same person with the same proclivities, and Jim was highly suggestible at the time anyway.
Gabriel and Brielzebub's big happily ever after moment (as of now) was one between two asexual supernatural beings. They did not need to kiss to drive the point home. They showed what Crowley and Aziraphale could have, if they would only acknowledge it.
Crowley & Aziraphale's Dissatisfaction
But they do have that already, don't they? If you really think about it, what do Gabriel and Beelzebub do with each other that Crowley and Aziraphale don't already? They hold hands, they spend time together, they create little rituals, they give gifts, they're visibly and verbally affectionate with each other, etc. They are more or less already in a romantic asexual marriage relationship with each other, aren't they?
And it doesn't seem to be enough for either of them.
At the beginning of the season, Crowley is immediately shown to be unsatisfied with the way things are. Obviously part of it comes from living in his car, but it seems to be more than that (especially since Aziraphale makes it clear that the bookshop is just as much Crowley's as his, implying that he could have been living there the whole time and is choosing not to, for some reason?). You could argue he's feeling unmoored without Hell telling him what to do, but isn't that what he wanted? Isn't that what he still wants, by the end of the season? All season long, he's never indicated the desire for a new job, or a new project. He stopped the apocalypse because he wanted the freedom to openly spend time with Aziraphale, to spend his time on Earth however he sees fit. Until Gabriel arrives, he has exactly that (minus a flat).
So where does the dissatisfaction come from? And if it represents anything to do with his relationship, what does he want out of it that he isn't getting already?
I think Crowley only really comes to the realisation of what he's missing when Nina names it for him, not only putting them in the category of romantic, but physical (outright asking if they are sleeping together). These two posts [1], [2] go into more detail about what I mean, but I think it really pushes him into acknowledging that their relationship is more human than either of them have stopped to consider, and what that might mean as far as everything a human relationship can entail.
After all, Nina and Maggie only advised that he should talk to Aziraphale, make clear his feelings. The decision to kiss him, to tip them over the edge from nonphysical to physical, that was all him. And no, kissing isn't sex, but I wonder how taboo even that might be in the kind of all-encompassing asexuality most angels seem to identify with. (If they're disgusted by food and drink, I can only imagine what they think of snogging, much less sex.)
Aziraphale doesn't have this moment of someone observing their relationship from the outside. He loves Crowley, and as of 1941 probably even knows he's in love with him in a way that Crowley doesn't understand yet. Which makes sense, since love is technically his job, he'd be more likely to recognise it for what it is.
However, Aziraphale's reference for romance and relationships is Jane Austen. It's chaste. It's dancing and dinner and doing sweet things for each other and roses and candles and handholding. He contextualises his love for Crowley in that soft fantasy sort of way, where it's there, it's obviously there, but it's neat and easy and unspoken. Not to quote Glee in this, the year of our lord 2023, but it's all very "the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets".
Someone should tell that to Aziraphale's face, then.
I'm not going to pretend I know what Michael Sheen's script notes were, but there were definitely some Choices™ made. Because yes, there were plenty of moments in both seasons with Aziraphale looking at Crowley in a sweet, loving, smitten way. And then there were moments that were yearning.
But yearning for what, exactly? All of those sappy Jane Austen tropes already apply to the two of them. So why are there moments where Aziraphale is looking Crowley up and down like the last eclair in the window and licking his lips and visibly exhaling like he's trying to get in control of himself (see: Bastille scene + Crowley telling Muriel to ask him if they have any other questions about love)? Why is Aziraphale not only unconcerned when Crowley shoves him bodily up against a wall in s1, but staring at his lips and a beat too late in noticing Sister Mary's arrival? Why are some of his lines so suggestive? I'm sorry, but the car ride after the church explosion might as well have been the beginning of a Pizza Man porn with a really weird Blitz theme. If even my mother picked up on that vibe, I can't imagine it wasn't intentional on part of both the dialogue and the delivery.
(This section may feel like more of a reach/joke, but I'm really only 20% joking. These are writers and actors who are EXTREMELY good at their jobs; they know what they were doing here.)
More importantly, I don't think Aziraphale is even aware that there is more to what he wants. He lives in the Jane Austen fantasy and it never even occurs to him that he might be interested in anything further. It never even occurs to him that, as an angel, there is anything further to be interested in in the first place. Until Crowley forces it to occur to him. Just like I believe Nina forced Crowley to confront the idea that romantic love is what he's been feeling all along, I believe Crowley forced Aziraphale to confront the idea that physical intimacy is something he's been wanting, without even realising.
Aziraphale's Hedonism
Expanding on Aziraphale for a moment. We talked about his relationship with food, but we all know that Aziraphale is defined by his love of things that Feel Good.
It isn't just that he and Crowley love human things. Aziraphale loves the best of the best, or at least his version of it. He doesn't just love food, he loves going to fancy restaurants. He doesn't just love clothes, he loves soft, cosy, warm, plush clothes, or shiny, flashy, bougie fashion. He loves the warmth of tea and cocoa, loves getting drunk, and sitting in a comfy chair in the sunlight. He doesn't just experience, he indulges.
Given the emphasis put on things that Aziraphale loves just because they Feel Good, it feels narratively strange to assume that he wouldn't enjoy the feeling of being touched, or that he wouldn't be willing to try it, at least once, with someone he cared very deeply for. And just like the ox rib, I think that once he gets the first taste of things, he would absolutely tip over into complete and utter self-indulgence.
Dancing
I also think that dancing could be construed as a huge metaphor here. After all, we're told flat-out that angels don't Dance. Except one.
I would argue that Aziraphale, in fact, Made An Effort to learn how to Dance. He threw himself into the gavotte with delight (at a Victorian gay club; noted) and worked hard to be good at it. He's chomping at the bit to Dance with Crowley, working up the nerve to ask him with undeniably romantic intent and eagerness. So, angels don't Dance... unless they Make An Effort to do so.
We are told that demons, on the other hand, do Dance, but not well. Makes sense, since they're the ones who would want to encourage a deadly sin like lust, but have as little understanding of human love and physical intimacy as the angels. Crowley, however, is shown to be an excellent dancer at the ball, especially in his compatibility with Aziraphale.
(But Aziraphale WandaVisioned the ball so everyone knew how to dance! Yes, he did. However, the rest of the brainwashing doesn't seem to affect Crowley in any way, and they did actually live through the time period where this sort of dancing was a social norm; I'd be surprised if he never needed to learn. After all, the demons can't spell either, and Crowley is at least functionally literate, as far as we know.)
As of today, it's also been confirmed that when Aziraphale asked Crowley to dance, Crowley replied with "you don't dance." Not "WE don't dance". So going along with the metaphor, Crowley is just now discovering that Dancing is something Aziraphale is interested in at all, much less with him, and not denying that he himself is interested in Dancing. In his defense, I believe he was asleep for a few years while Aziraphale was learning the gavotte, so he wasn't exactly aware of Aziraphale's hot girl summer.
Love Languages
I want to expand on that; Crowley and Aziraphale's compatibility. Specifically in regards to their individual love languages.
We all know Crowley's love language is Acts of Service. I don't think there's any debate there. He loves it, Aziraphale loves it, they're both aware of it, we're all aware of it, God and Satan are aware of it, no surprise there.
You may disagree with me, but I believe Aziraphale's love language is Physical Touch, for a number of reasons. One of which being his aforementioned hedonism. Aziraphale likes things that Feel Good, remember? He likes soft clothes, and well-worn books. Neil himself has said that they like holding hands. And any time he is taken by surprise (Brielzebub getting together, the wave of love in Tadfield, etc.) what is the first thing he does? Reaches out for Crowley. He stops him with a hand to the chest in the pub. He leads him by the hand to the dance floor. He guides him by the waist in the graveyard. He reaches out during the entire Brielzebub scene, whether he can reach Crowley or not. Despite his own turmoil, he grasps at Crowley's back during the kiss.
The one time Crowley reaches out for him (not counting the kiss yet; we'll get there), he is aggressively pushed against a wall (by someone he loves and trusts) with a complete and utter lack of concern (and perhaps some interest, depending on how you read it).
And when he isn't reaching out for anyone, or there isn't anyone to reach out to? Well, he's wringing his own hands together, squeezing his own fingers, as if to find that physical comfort in himself.
So. With that theory in mind, we have Aziraphale (Physical Touch) + Crowley (Acts of Service). Throw in 6000+ years of deep love, cherished companionship, and forcibly repressed longing, and there is a very real potential of this combination resulting in fierce sexual compatibility. Where Aziraphale would want to touch and be touched, to indulge in physical pleasure with someone he adores, in the same the way he indulges in every other fine thing in his life. And where Crowley would want to indulge him in return, to give him everything he wants, and to take pleasure in Aziraphale's pleasure, in the same way he enjoys watching him take joy in food everything else.
So Aziraphale is an angel who is insecure about his own less-than-holy desires, who would want to treat Crowley like a luxury to be touched and cherished and adored. And Crowley is a demon who has, over the millennia, been unhappy about how they've been forced to deny even their friendship with each other, who would want Aziraphale to feel comfortable and safe and encouraged to indulge in earthly delights. That sounds like a stunning recipe for sexual compatibility to me.
"You said 'trust me'" / "And you did"
Just like the Job minisode, the Blitz is RIFE with symbolism (intentional or otherwise). This one will be quick, but I did want to touch on it because I thought it was interesting. Maybe I'm reaching at this point, but I'm assuming you read the tin.
First of all, Crowley not wanting to admit to never firing a gun before; comes off as someone who very much does not want to admit to their crush that they're a virgin ("You must have done this lots of times!" / "Umm.... yyyyyeah.")
(You could make the argument that Aziraphale having a firearms license and a Derringer in a hollowed-out book is symbolic of him not being a virgin while Crowley is. I disagree, for reasons I'll go into later, but it's a valid reading. However, I see it more like keeping a condom in your wallet; it's there in case you need it, but the opportunity has not yet risen no pun intended.)
More importantly, the theme of this entire minisode is trust. We already know they trust each other with their lives against the rest of Heaven, Hell, and the world. But specifically, this is about the importance of having complete trust in your partner in a charged, physically vulnerable, intimate moment, where the only danger is between the two of you.
Aziraphale needs to believe Crowley would never hurt him if he can help it. Crowley needs to trust Aziraphale's unwavering blind faith in him. Frankly, it all feels very symbolic of two people deeply in love losing their respective virginities with each other.
The trick is a success, and they share an intimate candlelit dinner in which they reaffirm their faith in each other. Aziraphale also begins to voice his agreement with Crowley, that maybe Heaven's rules shouldn't have to be as black and white as they are, and that there are benefits to... blurring the lines, shades of grey, wink wink (at which point even my mom was like, whoa guys, this is a family show).
Btw also: Can we all agree how much it looked like Crowley was getting ready to get a lapdance in that one scene? You know the one.
Also also: "Aim for my mouth"? Come on.
The Birds & The Bees
Now that I think of it, there's also something to be said for the fact that Crowley and Aziraphale are both obviously familiar with where babies come from (how they're made and how they're born) while the other angels aren't.
Something something Aziraphale and Crowley fundamentally understand sex and reproduction in a way the other angels (and probably demons) very much do not, nor have any desire to.
Probably not important. Just thought it was worth mentioning.
The Kiss™ & Religious Trauma
The Kiss. Where to even begin?
This has definitely been the hardest one to start, because there is so much going on here that I definitely won't be able to cover it all, and will certainly miss a few things here and there.
Aziraphale's reaction to the kiss afterwards is the most interesting to me. And I don't mean directly after, I don't mean the "I forgive you" part. I mean the way he touches his lips when Crowley is no longer in the room and he no longer needs to save face, when he is completely alone. Had it been directly after the kiss, it would have been rightfully read as horror, or disgust, a shield to discourage further action.
It's not. It isn't just a touch, it's a press. As desperate and angry and unexpected and imperfect as the kiss had been, Aziraphale is pressing it into himself, recreating the feeling as best he can. Beneath all the poor timing and shock and hurt from their fight and fallout, I think it's fair to say that it was something he enjoyed. Something he doesn't think he should enjoy, something that Feels Good that he only allows himself to indulge in when completely alone.
Remember, Aziraphale's idea of love is Jane Austen and gentleness and courtship and fantasy. If he'd ever even considered kissing an option, it might have been gentle pecks, cheek kisses, forehead kiss, hand kisses. Soft, safe, chaste affection.
Crowley's kiss turns all of that on its head. He introduces physical intimacy in a very real, very messy, very human way that I don't think Aziraphale ever even considered could apply to them. Considering what other angels are like and what they look down on, even Aziraphale's Jane Austen fantasies probably would have been considered taboo.
So for their first kiss to be rough and desperate and passionate in the way it was, of course he was confused and in shock. It was deeply physical, and as overwhelming and awful as it was in the moment, it Felt Good. Enough that he grasped at Crowley and kissed back, if only just for a moment, before stopping himself. Enough that he actively pressed it into his lips afterwards, in private, to remember.
I adore how Neil has decided to evolve these characters past the first book/season. More so in this season, Aziraphale and Crowley have both become such interesting allegories for queer people on either side of the spectrum of toxic religion. Aziraphale in particular obviously, because he is the side that so desperately wants to believe, to make a difference, and to unlearn all of the propaganda he's been fed over such a long time. Just like so much of organised religion, there is so much that he is told, time and time again, that he should not want, that he is silly or stupid or outright wrong for wanting. It reminds me so much of the severe Catholic guilt one might feel for wanting/engaging in sex for the first time, and the stigma of being queer layered on top of that.
What is so critical to Aziraphale's character is that he goes on wanting, and more than that, actively pursues. He was convinced to go up against Heaven and Hell and stop all of Armageddon because he wanted to go on listening to music and eating lunch and reading books and enjoying the simple company of the person he cares most deeply for, even if that person is supposed to be the enemy.
All this to say that if angels are as generally asexual/sex-averse as I believe them to be, narratively speaking, it would make sense for Aziraphale to be singular in that regard as well. Mirroring his first experience with food, it would make sense for Crowley to be the one to first introduce this new messy, physical, human dynamic between them, for Aziraphale to hesitate (obviously we are at the Hesitation phase at the moment), and then (eventually) for him to dive in wholeheartedly, to absolutely glut himself on this new thing that Feels Good. It would make sense for his character development to show him overcoming his metaphorical Catholic guilt and pursuing the sexual intimacy most (if not all) of the other angels would scorn.
(I can't help but remember that plot idea Neil described from the unwritten sequel, with Aziraphale in a hotel room trying to watch a full porno by way of the free 2-minute teaser clips so he wasn't technically sinning by paying for it. I so hope this is used in season 3, because gosh, I wonder why Aziraphale would suddenly be so interested in observing human physical intimacy after 6,000 years. Lonely and doing a little surreptitious research there, angel?)
Crowley, on the other hand, is the queer person who has broken free from his toxic religion. He prides himself on being his own person, on their his own side. He doesn't have the hang-ups Aziraphale does. He doesn't worry that he's going to be judged or cast aside for wanting things he's not supposed to. So it only makes sense for him to be the first one to suggest/initiate physical intimacy. It makes sense for him to be the one who "goes too fast" (another fantastic example of this dynamic beginning as early as s1; what is that conversation in the car meant to represent, if not Aziraphale being overwhelmed by the intensity of their relationship, and his fear of succumbing to it when he believes he shouldn't? It's also interesting that this is the first conversation to take place in Soho, just after watching Aziraphale realise he's caught feelings for a demon, with the red glow of lust serving as the backdrop).
Do I think the kiss in and of itself was sexual? No. I think it was a passionate and devastating last-ditch effort on Crowley's part to convey the way he feels for Aziraphale. Not just that he loves him, but that he loves him in the most human way possible. But I do think that the kiss represents how they can move forward from here, and what they might want to explore with each other once they feel free enough to do so.
In Conclusion
I am sure, deep in my bones (unless we are explicitly told otherwise), that this was both of their first kisses no, I'm not counting the gavotte, and that neither of them have ever thought to do anything else physical with the humans while they have been on Earth. Like I said before, they adore the human race and lifestyle in general, but ultimately view them as a separate species altogether, and they seem mostly happy to keep to themselves and each other, unless otherwise necessary. I just can't see either of them being drawn enough to a human to pursue anything close to sex. If Crowley in particular has had anything to do with sex in the context of temptations, I'm positive he would be inciting lust amongst the humans themselves, not involving himself directly. At least not that directly.
So, like every other human experience they've had on Earth, sex is something new that they could explore together, just the two of them, on their own side. A deeply intimate, tangible declaration of their love and everything they've gone through to earn it. A visceral finger to give both Heaven and Hell. A renewed appreciation for their corporations and for each other's. A enjoyable method for immortal beings to simply pass the time in each other's company. A new and exciting way to Feel Good, and all the variations that come with it.
You might agree with this post, or you might not. Whether this is something that is ever addressed or not, it doesn't matter to me. This is a brilliant love story either way, and I genuinely feel so privileged to witness it.
But I just can't find it in myself to imagine, given everything we know about these two characters, that sex isn't an experience they would both consume with wholehearted enthusiasm, curiosity, and profound, ineffable adoration.
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Bonus feature: the very silly notes I made to myself that inspired this post
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vaspider · 1 month
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Hi there! Hope you’re having a good day mama spider. Just dropping by to ask for some info on an addition to a post about Judaism you made. I chose to ask you and not op because i’ve sent you an ask before and know that you answer them. So real quick, why did you type out G-d rather than God or god? Does it have something to do with Judaism? Is it just for the faithful to follow and not goyim? As an atheist who was formerly Catholic i just wanna learn more and be respectful of others’ religions whenever i can. I know next to nothing about Judaism, even though they’re a good portion of my county’s population. Hope this ask isn’t insensitive in any way, and thanks for taking the time to read this <3
This isn't insensitive to ask. It's actually a great question, and I'm glad that you asked if you're curious.
Since those articles cover your asks pretty well, I'm gonna give you some free bits of info to help your quest for respectfulness, which is pretty rad, btw: we don't really use phrases like "the faithful" bc Judaism doesn't require faith in G-d. There is no conflict between Judaism and atheism & there are a lot of Jewish atheists and agnostics. Judaism is an ethnoreligion and a people in a way that a lot of religions aren't, and in fact, the symbolism for one of my favorite holidays emphasizes that we are not complete without all kinds of Jews:
The functions of the four species are defined by both their smell and taste, or lack thereof, along with some interesting imagery from the Midrash (Vayikra Rabbah 30:12): The etrog has both taste and smell, representing people who both perform good deeds and have Torah (knowledge). The lulav has taste but no smell, representing those who do not use their knowledge to perform good deeds. The hadass (myrtle) has smell but no taste, representing those who perform good deeds but lack the knowledge to excel at them. The aravah (willow) has no taste and no smell, representing those who lack both.
"Good deeds" here doesn't just mean "being nice to your neighbors" but refers directly to performing mitzvot/mitzvahs, the 613 commandments that observant Jews observe to varying levels of specificity and intensity.
It's not offensive to use a phrase like "the faithful," just isn't ... correct, you know? Instead, you'd just say Jews or Jewish people. If you're trying to refer specifically to Jews who are religious or believe in G-d... there isn't exactly a phrase for that, I guess you'd say "observant," because there are a lot of Jews who are observant but also atheists, since observant Jews may be observing mitzvaot for any number of reasons that have nothing to do with belief in the existence of G-d.
Anyway, there you go, with some bonus info. As always, I don't speak for everybody, 2 Jews 3 Opinions, etc.
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l13 · 11 months
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bitter
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dunno what brought this on but reader has good taste;P also let's pretend that lyla is team reader x miguel for plot reasons
word count: 2.3k
WARNINGS: NSFW 18+, MDNI, f!reader, ex!miguel, aged up bf!hobie<3, miguel has some v descriptive sexual thoughts about you (p in v sex, f!receiving oral), swearing, jealousy, ANGSTTT
English is not my first language so I apologize in advance for any misspells, errors or grammatically incorrect sentences.
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Miguel often thinks about how he ended up giving in to his desires and starting a situationship with you, how he regrets it when he can tell how you've fallen for him. How your eyes crinkle when you smile at him, looking at him like he hung the moon. He regrets it because that's how he looks at you as well.
Why’d you have to ask him on that stupid date?
“That’d be unprofessional.” is what Miguel had said in reply. Because it was the truth. You were only fucking, nothing more.
You’d scoffed, “Oh come on, Miguel, we’re not office workers. Surely we can go out together?”
“What, fucking me ain’t enough for you?”
You'd huffed, your expression dull, shaking your head in disbelief, “No, actually, it isn’t. I genuinely like you, is that so bad?”
Miguel had ignored the flip his stomach did at your confession “You know why we can’t, now drop it.”
“No, I want you to tell me why.”
“It’s not in the canon” He cringes every time he remembers what he’d said, but it doesn’t change the fact that he was right. He was, but fuck, how he wanted to be wrong. He so desperately wanted it to be him that you were meant to fall in love with, him you were meant to build a life together.
“Fuck the canon.” had been your reply, before you turned to walk away and he'd made no move to follow you.
He'd failed to ignore Lyla when she'd whistled, “That was painful even for me,”
“Jesus- can you not?”
“Yeah, yeah, I know, can't interrupt your brooding time. I'm just saying. You prevented the woman of your dreams from falling in love with you, because she's meant to fall for someone else? But that's stupid- Your heart literally jumps when you see her-”
“Lyla I swear to God, if you don't stop talking-”
And now, as he stands in front of your house months later, waiting for you to answer the door, Miguel found himself to be annoyed. Annoyed that he hadn't gotten your mission report on time, and had to come and fetch it for himself.
Some sick, twisted part of his brain wanted you to have forgotten it on purpose, and ignored his calls in order for him to come over, maybe reconcile- fuck your brains out till you're begging him to take you back, even if it meant putting your feelings aside.
“She better be home,” Miguel hisses to himself, his hand massaging his temples, and he doesn't even flinch when Lyla shows up out of nowhere “Oh, she is. The thermal scan picks her up, see? Wait who’s-”
Miguel was thankful for the interruption, but what he saw when you opened the door was not at all what he expected, or was even prepared for.
You were practically naked, an oversized t-shirt covering your body, stopping just under your ass and- Jesus Christ were those thigh highs? Yes they were, pretty ones, too. They were sheer white tights, that ended just in the middle of your plush thighs, the material hugging your legs beautifully, the very top of them decorated with a lace material, giving them a sexy twist.
God, he'd get on his knees right here and now if you just asked-Miguel licked his lips and cleared his throat, quickly averting his gaze, praying that he doesn't appear flustered.
“Miguel! Are you okay? Is something wrong? Hey Lyla-” you seem out of breath as you talk, clearly not bothered by your lack of clothing in front of him. Lyla offers you a bright hello and wave, one you softly smile at.
No, he's not fucking okay.
“I'm great.” he hisses, but really he was trying to convince himself of it. You study him for a bit longer before humming, not believing him for a moment.
“I need the report from the mission that you were sent to do yesterday. The one you forgot to send me.” Miguel inhales sharply and stands taller, trying to hide the fact that your presence damages his brain functionality severely, by trying to look more intimidating.
Memories of last night flash in your mind suddenly, being pressed against your bookshelf, the furniture rattling loudly, books almost toppling to the floor, but you didn’t have the heart in you to care. Not when he was grinding up at you, hand under your thigh to keep you upright as you moaned against his mouth crossing your legs around his waist and bringing him closer, the sound of your watch beeping pulling you out of your trance, “Fuck, wait. T-the reports-”
He undid your watch expertly with one hand, and you gasped trying to snatch it from his grasp, but he held it up above your head, placing it on top of your bookshelf carelessly, before grabbing the top shelf to brace himself and grind himself harder against you, moaning under his breath, “Fuck ‘em.”
Your eyes widen comically, and you sputter, “Right! Shit- fuck. I'm sorry, umm, wait here.” and you slam the door right in his face. Miguel's eyebrow twitches.
There's shuffling from inside before Miguel realizes that you're talking to someone-
“Can you go in five minutes? Please?”
“Nah, ‘m afraid I need to go right now, love. Got things to do, places to be.”
“Can't you open up a portal here?”
“When there’s a perfectly usable front door? I don’ think so,” “C’mon pretty.. what are y’so afraid of?”
“He’s our boss.”
“He’s your ex. Now, if you’re ashamed to be seen with me, I get it-”
“No! Baby, no. I just don’t want to rub it in his face, don't want him to think that I am either,”
“But that’s so boring. Let’s make ‘im suffer, you’ll thank me later-”
“Hob-”
The door opens suddenly and Miguel could act surprised, could act like he’s been waiting for quite a while not knowing what’s going on inside, but he doesn’t. Not when he’s face to face with Hobie. Not when he obviously knows how good Miguel’s hearing is, how he could definitely hear every word that was spoken, not when you’d tried to be nice- tried to whisper and be subtle, not when Hobie blatantly did the opposite out of spite.
So he just stares ahead with a blank face, as Hobie leans against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest lazily. There’s a hickey on his neck and Miguel feels like he might throw up.
And somehow, Miguel still thinks that this is all some sick joke, a prank, a dream. Anything to explain what he's seeing. Because there’s no way you're dating Hobie. There’s no way you fucked Hobie fucking Brown- the single most annoying person in Miguel’s life (after peter, of course). And after what, only eight months after you stopped seeing him? That's how long it took for you to get over him? He can almost hear Lyla laughing in his head, 'You're just bitter that you're not over her yet'
Hobie smirks at him “Hello mate, long time no see.” Miguel at least has the human decency to offer him a curt nod, which Hobie apparently finds hilarious as he huffs out a laugh, “'S alright if I send my report later, right? I'm kind of exhausted right now, did a lot of runnin' yesterday, y'know,”
Lyla visibly winces and disappears a second later.
Running. Miguel needed breathing exercises and he needed them now-
Miguel's eyes snapped to yours. Were you just gonna let Hobie talk all that shit, without saying anything? (Knowing Hobie's life was in imminent danger?) Apparently so, because you just scoffed and rolled your eyes with a smile on your face. What a great couple you two made.
He refused to believe that this is who you chose, refused to acknowledge that his anger was pointed at himself and not you. He’d never, ever, admit it, not even at gunpoint, but Hobie was a good kid, he’d treat you right and that's what pissed him off the most.
“Fuck the canon.” Hobie would have laughed and nodded in agreement at your words, not Miguel though. Miguel had said nothing and it had cost him his future with you.
Sensing that Miguel wouldn’t reply anytime soon, Hobie just shrugged nonchalantly, “Thanks for understanding, boss.”
Miguel felt like he could hear his own veins pulsing. Boss, he'd called him boss. That little-
Turning to you, Hobie throws a hand around your waist and squeezes you against him, pressing a kiss on your cheek “I'll see you later love, don' forget to put some ice on that, yeah?” he lays a slap on your ass that makes you almost tumble forward, and Hobie's smirk widens when he sees Miguel ball his fists at his sides, nostrils flaring. Hobie throws a wink at Miguel before squeezing through him to walk out, seeing as Miguel didn't make any attempt to get out of the way.
Miguel doesn't turn to see him open up a portal to leave, he's too busy looking at the way the multi-colored lights illuminate your face, how you grin and wave shyly at your boyfriend.
“So sorry about him.. d'you wanna come in?” you ask, shifting from one leg to another once the portal disappears. Miguel just stares at you, eyes hooded, mouth pressed in a tight line.
“Ookay, I’ll just go get the- yeah” you trail off and turn to walk deeper into your apartment, and Miguel hates himself for craning his neck to catch a glimpse of your ass. And then hates himself even more when he thinks about how smug Hobie would be if he knew Miguel was checking out his girl. He'd say some dumb shit like "Wanting somethin' you can't have again, boss?"
Meanwhile, you're standing on your tippy-toes in front of your infamous bookshelf, arm outstretched, trying to grab your watch but to no use, cursing Hobie in your mind for putting it so high up. You had no idea that by trying to get your stupid watch, you were giving Miguel the perfect view of your backside, seeing as your shirt rode up each time you stretched out your arm.
No, fuck that. You knew exactly what you were doing, and Hobie was right. Let him suffer. He chose this, so now he can deal with the consequences.
Miguel wanted to give everything up right then and there. It's funny how quickly you could strip him of his morals, and he just wishes he could have done that before realizing he'd lost you forever. He could picture his future in his mind so clearly, if only he'd just said yes to your question.
“Will you go out with me?"
He’d resign, move out some place nice, next to a beach preferably. Spend his days laying on the sand and drinking piña coladas with no care in the world.
Except you’d be there. Straddling his lap to steal his drink, giggling and laughing when he tried to take it back from you. He’d grab your hips and with a swift motion you'd switch places, your back against the hot sand. The drink would spill from the movement, the liquid falling over your bikini covered tits, and you’d gasp oh-so prettily when he’d bend to lick it all up.
You’d moan even sweeter when he’d move lower, when he’d eat you out till you’re a crying, babbling mess, whining that you can’t take it anymore. Oh, but you could. You would take it, and he’d prove it when he’d later fuck you against the pool, and he’d make sure he fucked you good. Your mewls would be panted against his ear as he’d thrust into you relentlessly, your fingers digging into his wet back, and all he’d taste would be your pretty moans and the faint taste of rum against his tongue.
His cheeks would hurt from how hard he'd be grinning as he stared at you when you both would go for a walk by the beach later. He'd jog up to you, springing you in his arms, nuzzling his head against your hair- your distinctive smell fogging up his brain- your laughter mixing together, as you chased each other through the waves.
When you'd had enough, and stood panting, your -now wet- dress clinging to you like second skin, he'd drop to his knee, pulling out a ring from his pocket, one he was anxious not to drop when he was chasing you around, and you'd gape at him, tears already welling up in your eyes.
You would have said yes that night. In fact, the word would have been repeated against his shoulder as he fucked you later, rolling his hips into you slowly, kissing your pretty tears, holding you, loving you–
“Done! I just sent it–,” you could have sworn you and Miguel shivered at the same time when he blinked down at you, his mouth parted. His eyes were glistening all of a sudden, and it made your whole being fill with a sense of longing and dread.
“Lyla?” you swallowed harshly at Miguel's hoarse tone, gnawing at your lip as you avoided his gaze.
It was as if Lyla knew not to fuck with him either, because she didn't even make him beg for it, instead pulling up a hologram that showed the report, “Yup, got it!”
You cleared your throat, eager to get back into bed and forget the look on his face just now, suddenly feeling nostalgic for a memory you couldn't quite place- “I'm sorry that I forgot, it won’t happen again, promise.”
Yes it will.
“See you back at HQ?”
Miguel hums, not saying anything, not even caring to correct you, because he’d sooner see you in his dreams than at headquarters.
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2023 © l13 | Do not steal, copy, edit, translate or re-post any of my works.
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mediumgayitalian · 2 months
Text
“Oh, come on, there’s just —” Will blows an errant curl from out of his eyes, cheeks red with exertion, balancing nimbly on his feet to put both hands on his hips. “There’s no way, Nico.”
Nico, not blessed with such balance, has to hold all footholds with all limbs, staring warily at the lava wall’s snake holes.
“What? I’m just not as good as you.”
Will flops his right arm outwards, narrowly avoiding smacking it against the rock. “But you are!”
Nico shifts his wary gaze from the snake holes to Will’s rope harness. Is it tight enough? It better be tight enough. Will is putting a lot of faith in it, right now.
“You scaled those cliffs in — in the place —” he trips, still, over the pit, on the odd time he mentions it, and it always makes Nico wince — “like it was nothing! And whenever Percy visits and challenges you you’re suddenly the lava wall expert!” He turns stern blue eyes to face Nico’s head-on. “Not buying it, di Angelo!”
A gush of lava forces him to resume climbing, but there’s an aggression to his movements — a specific, stiff, curated aggression, that Nico has learned means anxiety in people known as William Andrew Solace. That, and coupled with the rapid muttering which, in between the roar of molten stone, Nico believes is a a repetition of “dumbass” “always tryna act a goddamn fool” and “I’m gonna kill him before he sends me into cardiac arrest again”, interspersed with random swears in English, Latin, Ancient Greek, and also — gods — Klingon.
“Will.”
Will ignores him, scampering the last few feet up the wall and slapping the top before relaying down. Nico sighs, following him (albeit significantly slower).
“Will.”
“You’re hiding something from me.” He practically rips the harness off his body — do not think about that do not think about that do not think about that — and shoves it on the hook so hard it damn near snaps off. The look he levels in Nico’s direction practically turns him to stone, it’s so frigid, and he has to resist a shiver. “I can tell.”
It takes a good amount of pushing to make Will all testy like this. Sure, his buttons are easy to push, but most of that is for show. He likes to be dramatic. (Especially because he knows Nico will indulge him, more than anyone else ever has. He relishes in it, Nico thinks; he likes that Nico will watch his productions. An Apollo kid through and through.) He’s not usually one to show his genuine frustration.
But, hoo, boy, when he is frustrated.
Nico has a bad, bad habit of making it worse.
(As if it’s his fault that Will’s hot when he’s mad.)
“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Nico says, forcibly lightly. He sticks his hand out defiantly. “Check me, why don’t you? Not hiding anything.”
He really isn’t. No injuries, no illness, hell, he’s not even tired. Had a full three meals and everything. Even his perpetually achey joints aren’t bad today.
All of this, obviously, is communicated when Will touches him, squinting suspiciously at their joined hands.
“You’re heart rate is high,” he mutters petulantly.
Nico looks at him patiently. “That’s ‘cause my smokeshow boyfriend is holding my hand.”
Grumpy as he’s trying to be, his ears redden. A smile twitches at the corner of his mouth.
“Shut up.”
Nico grins, pulling his hand up to his mouth and pressing a kiss to the knuckles.
“No.”
“Whatever,” Will says, snatching his hand back. His smile spreads widely across his face, now, and he looks away, as pleased as he is exasperated. “You’re still being a weirdo. I should not be so far ahead of you on the wall, Neeks.”
Success — back to nicknames. Crisis averted.
“Have you considered that you’re the camp-wide record holder for a reason, you spider monkey?”
“Still!”
“Yeah, yeah.” Nico gets up on his tiptoes, pressing a lingering kiss to the bridge of his freckled nose. “Stop worrying about me, Solace. I’m fine. Burn off some steam, I’ll watch.”
Will huffs. “Fine. But I’ll find out, y’hear me? Truth can’t hide from me for long.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
He watches as Will suits back up, helping him with his more complicated straps (because Nico was raised to be a gentleman, obviously, why else) and shooing him away when he opens his mouth for more interrogations. He switches to sticking out his tongue, and after a moment of hesitation, bounds back over to his first true love — being a big nerdy jock dork.
Nico settles on the grass several feet away from the wall, pretending to clean his sword. After a few minutes, he hears footsteps, and two people sit next to him on either side.
“So,” says Lou Ellen, ignoring Nico’s suspicious look as she tosses a glowing ball of something around, “how come you’re not climbing?”
Nico shrugs. “Only so many times you can climb before it gets boring.”
On his other side, Cecil makes a loud buzzer sound.
“Nope! Wrong answer. Try again.”
Nico is a dignified grownup who refuses to stoop down to Cecil’s level by responding. Instead, he reaches over and pokes him in his ridiculously sensitive ribs, hard, sending him sprawling with a screech.
“Shut up,” he says mildly, as his friend flails. “I’m trying to be a supportive boyfriend, and I can’t do that with all your whining.”
Will has, in the ten minutes since he started, made it halfway up the wall. He seems to have it programmed to the Super Extra Mega Evil Insane mode that the Athena and Ares kids invented just for him, since he smoked all the other levels. He dodges a shot of lava with a laugh, throwing himself to the side and hanging on with three fingers and one scuffed sneaker poised on the tiniest sliver of rock. His attention is broken when Lou Ellen sticks her face right in Nico’s field of vision, tracing Nico’s eyeline with narrowed eyes.
“Ah,” she nods knowingly. “You’re staring at his ass.”
Nico falters, damn near slicing his own fingers off. “No idea what you’re talking about,” he says blithely. He gestures without looking at his sword. “I’m busy, see?”
She scoffs. “Real busy. That’s why you almost just did emergency surgery on yourself.”
“Exactly.”
Will pushes up a foot, shifting his hips and launching himself upwards. He makes a little shout of victory, plastering himself to the wall to keep balance, every muscle tensed.
From his place on the floor, Cecil makes an appreciative noise. “He does have a nice ass. Can’t blame you for looking.”
Nico frowns. “Hey. Stop objectifying my boyfriend.” He reaches out and smacks a hand over Cecil’s eyes. “That’s my job.”
“You guys are ridiculous.”
Nico reaches over and puts a hand over her eyes, too, ‘cause there’s no missing where they’re pointed.
“Shut up or I’ll literally put shadows into your retinae and blind you forever,” Nico threatens. (Is this a thing he can do? No. Do his friends know this? Also no.)
“You’re a dictator!” Cecil protests.
“Depriving us of basic human rights!” Lou Ellen agrees.
Nico shrugs. He glances back up the the climbing wall, where he has a very perfect view — and a great reason to never even try to climb faster than Will does. He grins.
“Too bad for you guys.”
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onsomenewsht · 3 months
Text
now playing: Don't Tell My Mom
< track 3 || track 5 >
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》 Alexia Putellas x Reader (past), María León x Reader (platonic), Leah Williamson x Reader (platonic)
》 words count: +1.5k
》 what you don't know won't hurt you, oh / Mama, I'll lie, just for you
As soon as your phone lights up with a Facetime call, you know. 
No warning message, no text just to make sure you’re free to talk. A cold Facetime request from María, one of your best friends but definitely someone who means trouble if calling like that.
Launching yourself on your sofa unceremoniously, you accept the call and your fate as Mapi’s grin appears on your broken screen. How can she be so smug even miles away goes beyond you.
“Who died?”
Not the most warm way to start a conversation.
“Hola a ti también, nena” (Hello to you too)
“You look awful”
She looks amazing, she’s practically glowing and you’re happy for her.
Also, you’re happy for yourself too. It’s a relief this is not the scolding call you’ve been waiting for quite some time. It’s coming, you can feel it, but Ingrid enters the frame and you immediately know this is good news.
“Tienes que ser buena conmigo” (You should be nicer to me)
Mapi really isn’t the type to tiptoe around something so you don’t get why she didn’t start this conversation by screaming the news. Or making the journey and knocking on your door directly.
You let her be, she probably wants to enjoy it.
“Why should I? I moved to another country just to avoid it”
“Nena”, she pauses and her smile dims for a moment.
She knows English better than she lets everyone believe, so she gets the quip - or your attempt to joke about it. You’re not sure if it’s because of what you said or something else entirely, the two of you have yet to talk about the reason why you’re single and in another country.
Your transfer was eventful, to say at least. The faded blonde didn’t handle it very well, having taken you under her wing when you first moved from a mid-table club in your home country to Barcelona Femení - after a couple of years on a loan in different leagues too.
María’s the one who welcomed you in the locker room with rapid words and contagious enthusiasm. She kept talking with you in Spanish, even if you needed an entire year to be able to hold a simple conversation in your third language, but she’s someone you relied on since the very beginning. 
María’s also the first one to realise something was growing between you and Alexia, the first - and the loudest - to cheer when you mindlessly kissed in front of the team mid night out, the first one to give you both a shovel talk.
Sometimes it’s way too easy to forget how many people you can hurt with a decision that’s just your own to make.
You feel the need to take the conversation back on track.
“When is the wedding?”
“¿Quién te lo dijo?!” (Who told you?!)
“Your stupid face”, thankfully the Spaniard gets her brightness back at your words, “And I can see that huge rock even from here!”
Ingrid is matching a beaming smile, moving her hand closer to the camera and you can’t hold back your own joy. They truly deserve the devotion and support they share with one another. If you have to be happy for someone else’s love, you’re glad it’s for them.
And that ring is impressive. 
The memory of a beautiful ring hidden in a shoe box in the back of a closet makes you shiver. Is it still there or she got rid of it as first thing after dropping you off at the airport? Does Mapi know about it?
“Show off, that’s worth my value”
“Tonterías!, no eres tan buena” (Bullshit, you’re not even that good!)
“You are, she’s just too proud to admit it”, at Ingrid’s first words you immediately remember why lately she’s the one you like the most of the two.
“Haz la maleta y no quiero excusas, volverás aquí” (Pack you beg and no excuses, you’re coming back here)
Mapi’s witty remark is not missed, she saw you growing up and developing your very own unhealthy coping mechanism. Maybe you have a tendency to avoid confrontation, what about that? She goes for any adrenalin rush activity available when in denial so she’s not in the position to judge. 
You shift uncomfortably under their gazes, sitting upright but hitting the back of the sofa with your head.
You may be in a different country and there may be a screen between you and the pair, but María is still like a big sister to you and the other girl is basically the only reason you’re still sane and survived throughout your friendship with the Spaniard.
However, you can’t let them know how broken you are, not when you regret nothing that led to this.
“Why not Norway?”, worth a shot.
“We’re basically going to celebrate in any corner of the world, I don’t think you can miss this”
“Then I can be anywhere else, Ingrid”
“Mapi’s family is gonna be here”, and you’re her family too it’s what she’s too considerate to say aloud but you all hear anyway.
“I don’t think is a good idea, no one want me there”
“That’s not true”
“Nena, por favor!”
The silence is deafening, when you find the gut to look at your friends it’s easy to remember the love, the support, and respect that bond your relationships.
A transfer to another country, all the attempts to hide from the consequences of your own choices, the hearts broken. None of those things are really able to cut those kinds of connections.
“I’m happy for you two”, you say with the biggest and most sincere smile in a while.
Mapi accepts your decision to keep the conversation light, focusing on this happy and long awaited news. 
She’s glowing and you really are happy for her, for them. The desire to celebrate their love, to be there when they will share such pure joy with all the people they care about, sweeps away your fears of being confronted by the human form of the consequences of your own choices.
When the call ends, the usual weight you feel between your ribs doesn’t make your breathing heavier and the familiar bitter taste of guilt doesn’t pervade your mouth. 
You book a ticket to Barcelona before it all comes back to you.
~
“Mapi and Ingrid are getting married”
“It’s a plague!”
Leah is unlacing her boots, the two of you the last ones in the changing room after an additional training session the blonde insisted you needed. 
You’re playing in a slightly different position here, but you feel like those extra hours are more for her sake than your own, scared that you will find a way to avoid your new teammates if not involved in any possible activity.
You indulge her, you’re used to demanding and perfectionist captains after all.
“I have to go back to Barcelona”
“I bet, she’s gonna drag you there personally otherwise”
“María is not that―”
“I’m talking about Engen”, she smirks and she is right, Ingrid is way more effective in her convincing methods.
Still sitting on the bench in your training gear, you let her understand you’re not ready to leave yet. Not the room nor the conversation.
“What’s the problem, trotter?”
She managed to give you the worst nickname possible, making fun both of your way to run on the pitch and the fact you spent the past ten years in five different countries - it’s probably also a quip about the circumstances that bring you here but you give her the benefit of the doubt.
“No problem at all, I’m happy for them”
“They’re really cute”
“They are”, you miss them.
You miss the familiar embrace and the easy banter you share with María, you miss the warm support and the nights out with Ingrid, you miss the silence and the comforting methods Keira always found to take your homesickness away, you miss the funny and the cheerful attitude you wrap yourself around with Jana, Claudia and Ona. You miss them all.
You miss Alexia.
You miss how she always finds time to walk her dog out, doesn’t matter the weather or her busy schedule. You miss the subtle way she turns the radio’ volume up when a song she knows you like is on, and the not-so-subtle way she pretends to hate them all just to sing with you on the first chorus. You miss her body fitting perfectly all over your life, when moving in your house like it’s built around her, or when she’s ideally positioned on the pitch to receive your pass, or even when her hands find yours despite everything and everywhere you are.
You miss Alexia but you don’t deserve to grieve something you killed yourself.
“Do you need a pep talk from Kim?”
“Don’t you dare!”
Last time Leah called on your team captain to put up with your somber mood, you ended on the bench for two games yet sent her a nice bouquet as an apology - and as a thanks for the help.
“Look, you can’t hide from her forever”
“I can definitely try”
The smile she directs to you is both amused and bushed.
“I just don’t think our closest friend’s wedding is the best occasion to meet her for the first time after… well, after everything”, you admit while repeatedly hitting the changing room’s wall with the back of your head.
“Maybe not, maybe we will have to face them in the next Champion League’s draw”
She jinxed it.
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vanteguccir · 2 months
Text
Long live | Matt Sturniolo
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Matt Sturniolo x reader
Summary: Where the Cut The Camera Podcast comes to an end and Matt feels emotional about it, but Y/N is there to comfort him.
Warning: Sad talk, crying.
Requested?: Yes, by anon.
Author's note: That is my work, I DON'T authorize any plagiarism! | English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any grammar error.
༻✦༺  ༻✧༺ ༻✦༺
The time had come to say goodbye to the Cut The Camera Podcast.
If Y/N said her eyes weren't filled with trapped tears that she was fighting so hard not to spill, she would be lying.
The girl was sitting on the floor on one of the fluffy pink cushion that decorated the Podcast studio, her back was pressed against the door next to the stairs as she silently listened to what the boys were saying, looking up to them from time to time.
That was a habit she had created months before, practically since the beginning of the Podcast, where she would simply enter the studio with the boys and accompany their filming while sitting in the same exact place on the floor with her phone in hand, not being seen by any camera, nor heard by any of the high-resolution microphones.
It was always a different adventure to be there. If her mood was down, the boys' jokes made her laugh until her stomach hurt. Sometimes, she herself attributed a different fact to one of the topics that Nick brought up or gave them an idea when creativity ran out before they reached the one hour mark.
She lost count of how many times she turned on the air conditioning when Nick felt too hot or brought Matt and Chris a hoodie when they were too cold. Many times having left the studio quickly to get water or some drinks from the kitchen for one of the three when noticing their voices hoarse from thirst and the amount of minutes spent talking without a pause.
With all this being said, the brothers could say that she actively participated in the podcast and its environment without necessarily appearing in it.
So, it was no surprise that in that episode she was without her phone in hand, sitting in her usual spot, with her head practically completely covered by the hood of her hoodie and a sad look resting on her face.
Her eyes traveled between the triplets at all times, ready to jump in and console them if she noticed any tears appearing, knowing how difficult it was to finish that cycle - despite also knowing how necessary it was for their growth.
The recording was coming to an end, and Y/N felt her chest heavy, even though she was extremely happy and looking forward to the three's new individual and group projects.
Part of her scolded herself for being so emotional, maybe because she didn't feel she had the right to, since she wasn't even part of the channel. Or maybe because the boys seemed perfectly fine and happy with its ending, but she knew they were just resigned to it.
"It feels like just yesterday we started it." Chris began the ending, turning his face to Nick while playing with his microphone with his right hand. "I actually can't believe how long we've been doing this. I'm happy it's over, but I'm happy it happened."
"Oh my God... I'm happy it's over, but I'm happy it happened." Nick repeated, focusing his eyes on the ceiling for a few seconds, and Y/N was almost sure he was holding back his tears.
"That was good, right?" Chris chuckled, crossing his arms on the table and tilting his head.
"I did like it." The oldest of the triplets nodded, a thoughtful look resting on his face. "But, before we continue ending it, I think we should call a special person, who is as much a part of this podcast as we are." He brought his lips closer to his microphone, his eyes quickly meeting Y/N's. "Come here."
The girl took a deep breath, getting up from the floor and patting her pants lightly, uncreasing the slightly wrinkled fabric from her previous position.
Matt turned his head in her direction, looking at her with an almost imperceptible smile on his lips. He opened his arms, silently asking her to sit next to him, and she did.
Y/N settled down on the white and pink vintage couch, resting her back against the backrest and crossing her legs on the upholstery. Her left hand automatically found home on Matt's right thigh, stroking the covered skin lightly.
"All these months of Cut The Camera, Y/N has been with us. She literally sits on the floor, leaning against the door, right there..." Chris began, pointing his index finger towards the door, even though the camera couldn't reach the indicated space. "And listen to an hour and a few minutes of us talking about literally everything."
"She gave us ideas during some podcasts, complemented some topics with new information... In other words, she technically participated without appearing." Nick agreed with his brother, raising his index and middle fingers at each item mentioned.
"Yeah... Well, hi guys!" The girl glued her upper body against Matt's, bringing her face closer to the microphone, offering a small smile to the camera that looked back at her. "I'm sorry about my condition-"
"She was crying, I can tell." Nick interrupted her loudly, raising his right hand for a few seconds before lowering it again, receiving an eye roll from the girl in response.
"It's just..." Y/N closed her eyes momentarily, taking a deep breath before opening them again. "It's incredible to see it from my perspective. I've been in the boys' lives for a little more than 7 years, I've been accompanying them since before the Sturniolo Triplets channel began, especially since before Cut The Camera Podcast. I saw this dream born in their hearts more than two years ago..." She swallowed hard, feeling her eyes sting with new tears while clearing her throat slightly.
Matt moved his right hand up to her back, lightly caressing the covered skin before wrapping it around her waist firmly, pulling the microphone in his direction, giving her time to compose herself.
"It's true guys, she helped us build this whole studio, design it, decorate it... She had most of the ideas with Nick." The brunette pointed his head at his brother, who was watching him with his lips pressed together, nodding. "And she kept us company through the whole process."
Y/N sighed, lightly squeezing the skin of Matt's thigh still under her fingers, reassuring him that she was okay.
"Yes, exactly. But despite all that, I have no right to come and cry rivers and say words as if the world is ending. I mean, I'm not even in the channel." She let out a nasal laugh, shaking her head and fixing her eyes on the table, frowning before starting to talk again. "But I just wanted to say you guys did a great fucking job."
Her eyes lifted from the white wooden surface, traveling over Nick, who had his lips pressed into a thin line, looking at her with soft, attentive eyes; Chris, who was arranging his pink cap on his head in an act of nervousness, keeping his head low; and finally Matt, who had his eyes fixed on his own lap, without letting her see his face completely, but she knew he was listening to her words carefully.
"I'm sure that, like the Sturniolo Triplets channel, this podcast was a safe place for many people, perhaps an escape from life's problems or a moment to relax. Although you..." She quickly pointed to Nick. "Having said that many episodes didn't get you three anywhere, I'm sure they were still as important as the others for some people."
The sound of sniffing caught her attention. Y/N turned her head quickly towards her boyfriend, who still had his head down. Her eyes soon caught the small tears running down his cheeks and dripping on his blue hoodie, leaving a wet trail behind, which shone below the bright light of the expensive illumination.
The girl adjusted her posture, pulling him carefully so that her arms circled around his shoulders, hugging him close to her body. She arranged the microphone so that the support held it directly to her without her having to let go of Matt.
"I'm proud of you, boys. I know why this podcast is coming to an end, and I completely understand, just as I know they will, too..." Y/N pointed to the camera in front of her with her chin, not taking her hands off her boy for even a moment. "I know about the future plans of each of you, I helped you with some ideas, just like I just supported others, and I'm sure that all of them will give incredible results in the near future, which the entire fandom will be able to enjoy as much as they enjoy the current projects." She finished, her voice sounding weak.
She caught her bottom lip between her teeth, biting it hard in an attempt to hold back the sobs. Out of the four, Y/N was the most emotional, having been called a cry baby many times throughout her life since her crying came easily with any situation that made her heart sting.
Matt sighed, finally lifting his head and resting it against his girlfriend's one. Feeling comfort surrounded his body with Y/N's arms still securely wrapped around him, opening a small smile at the camera.
"I... I will be forever grateful for all these months, thanks to all of you." Chris's watery eyes searched Y/N's, receiving a nod in response, which gave him enough confidence to open a tearful smile.
"Goodbye campers, and good night." Nick finished slowly, as if he had been avoiding that moment during the entire 1 hour of recording. His fingers played with the support of his microphone nervously as his eyes traveled over his brothers and his best friend.
"Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs eat your feet." Matt brought his right cheek closer to Y/N's left one, murmuring into the microphone softly.
"Come here, lovie." Y/N whispered to Matt as soon as Nick did the small gesture he always did when they came to the end of recording.
Her arms - which were still around him - pulled him closer to her body, allowing him to lay his head on her left shoulder.
"I'm so proud of you." She sealed her lips over the brunette curls for long seconds, closing her eyes tightly as she felt his hoddie-covered shoulders tremble slightly under her grip, low sobbing sounds echoing through the pink walls.
Y/N swept her eyes around the studio, seeing Chris already standing and walking towards the stairs, his hands wiping away aggressively the thick tears that were flowing down his cheeks freely. Nick was still sitting, his arms resting on the table as he stared at the wooden surface intently, seeming to still process everything.
"It's okay, you did the right thing. Good things are coming."
༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺
Extra - comments:
"how come we never noticed that Y/N was there in every podcast? 🤯🤯"
"omg this is so sad but so exciting at the same time, I'm looking forward to the new projects 😔"
"Y/N being the emotional support of the three of them was the cutest thing I saw today 😭😭"
"honestly, if we put together the tears of the four and all the fans who are crying right now, we could make the planet overflow 😫✋🏻"
"on no, matt crying made my heart sting so bad ;(("
"I love how Y/N is always there with them, giving the right support and being an amazing girlfriend and best friend, they're a real family 🥺🥺"
"Y/N spill some spoilers about the new projects, we beg you 😭😭"
"Y/N and Matt are so beautiful together, they're really made for each other 🥺"
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yninstagram you will be remembered ♡
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༻✦༺  ༻✧༺ ༻✦༺
My asks are always open. My requests are closed at the moment since I have many to work in, but you can always send questions or simply talk to me 🩷💋
And remember to treat people with kindness always!
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nats--sw · 6 months
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In your head | Leah Williamson
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Leah Williamson x reader It's England's match against the Netherlands, and your girlfriend is willing to do anything to win. Warnings: I think you may find some of the comments a little suggestive. note: set in England's last game, but I changed a few things here and there
You hadn't seen Leah for days, each of you in a different country preparing for a big game as it was every time England played the Netherlands. Your team a little more comfortable than Leah's in terms of qualification, but you would be playing at Wembley in front of an abysmal crowd and as Leah used to say, "The English are never done", so at the end of the day it was a tough game.
At your feet was the chance for your girlfriend to qualify for the Olympics next year, but there was also the chance to take your team to the Olympics.
"Good morning, Miss England" Jill sat down next to you for breakfast, ruffling your hair as she passed behind you.
"Shut up" you said arranging your hair back to how it was before "Why are you only picking on me, Viv is sitting right in front of me and no one says anything to her."
Viv raised her head and smiled mischievously. "Don't drag me into your fights, kiddo."
"Well Viv's face doesn't change every time she has to play against her girlfriend" Jill said as if it was nothing "But you instead haven't smiled for days because you keep thinking about how you don't want to kick your girlfriend's ass."
"These are tough days" you muttered lowering your head "This week it's this game, but then when I go back to England it's Arsenal against Chelsea".
That was another factor, you were playing for Chelsea, having only just won a starting place this season, and winning that game would mean securing the top spot in the table, but Arsenal was desperate for those 3 points and of course Leah was too.
"You're messing with your own head," Viv commented, folding her arms on the table, "Leah knows how to separate things and you should do the same."
"Just worry about giving 100% of yourself" said Jill patting you on the back "Because I assure you Leah will."
"How was the flight?" Leah looked radiant through the screen, smiling practically from ear to ear "You look tired".
"Uh... yeah, I didn't get much sleep during the flight" you mentioned settling better in your bed "How have you been feeling these days? No complications during training?"
Leah narrowed her eyes "Are you trying to get information out of me?"
"What?! Of course not!" you quickly defended yourself "I'm concerned about the physical health of my girlfriend who is apparently going to have her first game as a starter since her injury"
"I'll pretend I believe you" Leah replied laughing "But everything's fine, according to Sarina I'm fit enough to start."
"Good news then"
"Huh, tell your face that" muttered Leah frowning "You know you don't have to go easy on me during the game, right?"
"Yeah" A lie.
"Babe, we're professionals, it's our job to do this. A lot can happen in a match, whoever wins this isn't better than the other, okay? Everything will still be fine."
"I know... it just feels weird."
Leah disappeared for a few seconds from your screen.
"Uh, the girls are calling me. I should go, but please stop thinking about us like that, okay? Go to sleep, I love you."
"Hm, I love you more. Bye."
The atmosphere in the stadium was overwhelming, the energy of the crowd could be felt from the tunnel.
"Looking good, number 25" Leah's voice sounded behind you.
"Uh, you too" you muttered without even turning to look at her, your eyes fixed on Jill's back, who was watching the situation out of the corner of her eye.
"Oh… but love, you haven't even looked at me" her tone was full of teasing. That plus the mixture of her perfume in the air was starting to get to you, "Babe?" your girlfriend's fingers took your chin and made you turn to look at her. "Hi" her smile was dazzling, she knew she was getting what she wanted "How do I look?" she asked raising her eyebrow.
You looked her up and down instinctively, did she look better than usual today? Probably. She always looked good when she wore her England kit, but today she looked amazing.
"You look... amazing" you replied almost as if Leah's gaze had you under a spell.
"What the fuck" Jill turned away, fed up with the situation, slapping Leah's arm to get her to let you go "Get out of here, Williamson."
Leah immediately raised her hands, pretending to be innocent, when she saw Daan also approaching to see what was going on.
"Good luck" she said looking at them and walked off to the start of the tunnel but not before winking at you.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" said Jill giving you a little shake.
"What?"
"Your girlfriend is getting in your head" Daan said looking sideways at Leah who was still smiling "Please YN, we all here know Leah, we knew it was going to be like this because she needs to win this game"
"I told you Leah would give her 100%, and if she's resorting to these stunts it's because she doesn't care if she has to beat you, she'll get it one way or another." said Jill "Listen to me, you will go out there, do your job, you will destroy Earps goal and only after that you will remember again that your girlfriend is the England captain, do you hear me?" this time Jill whispered in your ear as all the other girls from the England team had arrived in the tunnel.
"Okay, enough you two" you said getting a little annoyed "I'm a professional woman, I won't let my relationship affect my work and you should trust me as my teammates and friends.”
"We just want to make sure that-"
"No, I'm not a child who should be told what to do, now shut up you two" was the last thing you said to focus your eyes straight ahead, totally concentrated.
You were so focused on the game that you didn't even notice Daan and Jill high fiving behind you.
The first goal for your team came after the first 10 minutes, thanks to you and your ability to leave Lucy Bronze behind you. You also had another advantage, it wasn't the first time you had faced Earps so you knew where to shoot at the right time, so it was no surprise that your shot ended up in the back of the net.
Jill was the first to jump on you as you ran to a corner of the stadium where you could see some fans wearing the Netherlands shirt.
"That's what I was talking about!" Jill shouted in your ear as she kept hugging you.
Leah was watching out of the corner of her eye, chatting with Lucy, her jaw clenched thinking about how hard it would be to stop you.
Lucy was the one in charge of marking you, but now on every corner kick the person behind you was your girlfriend.
"Nice goal" she murmured close to your ear.
It was the first corner kick in favour of the Netherlands, so you were scared when you heard her voice, thinking that another girl would mark you.
You didn't say anything back, just pressed your elbow against her abdomen when you felt her too close.
"Too bad it was the last one." She muttered again, this time placing a hand on your waist and squeezing.
"Get the fuck off" you mumbled, starting to move from side to side to get her off.
"That's cute" was the last thing she said before the ball was kicked into the box, specifically looking for your head, but finding Leah's head first, who had no trouble clearing it out of the box.
"Shit" you muttered, glancing at Leah who was ignoring you again to focus on her team's counterattack.
"Focus on the game, YN" Vic said walking past you, giving you an encouraging pat on your back.
The first half ended with the Netherlands holding a one-goal lead. You had had a couple of chances at goal, but now in addition to having Lucy behind you, Leah was making a double effort to mark you in the same way, managing three times to get the ball away from you as cleanly as possible, as she always did.
During the half time talk no one mentioned the issue of Leah getting into your head, because from the look on your face everyone could tell that you were 100% focused on the game.
There were only 45 more minutes to go.
But to increase the lead you only needed 20.
"Hey, gorgeous" Leah's voice was in your ear again at another corner kick.
"God, shut the fuck up" you said pulling your body back, pushing her away. Leah, taking advantage of your action, raised her arms when she saw the referee signalling for you to stop the contact.
"You know what you do to me when you talk like that?" she whispered pressing her body against you once her teammates blocked the referee's view "It makes me want to make you- Hey!"
Before Leah could finish her words, your elbow had hit her abdomen hard.
"You two!" the referee came running up to where you were, giving words of warning to you and Leah.
"Come on love, let's be professional" Leah said once the referee left, her face was serious, but you knew her tone of voice showed how much she was enjoying the whole situation.
"Yeah, professionals" you muttered before you heard the referee's whistle.
The ball this time didn't go to your head, but to Daan's head instead, who's attempt unfortunately hit the crossbar, making the ball bounce back to your feet, Leah away from you because she had gone to clear Daan's first attempt.
It wasn't the best position to shoot, you didn't use your good foot either, but still the ball hit the net with the little push you gave it.
Now the Netherlands was 2 goals up on the scoreboard.
The whole team went up to you, celebrating between the rest of the English players who looked at each other blankly, including Leah, who was shaking her head with her hands resting on her waist.
It was all up to you to score a third goal, there were still 15 minutes left, not counting extra time. In a counterattack you were left with only Earps in front of you, but Lucy didn't hesitate to put her foot between your legs making you fall.
The foul had been called and Lucy had got a yellow card, because although she had made you fall it was not a red card action. But after a minute you were still on the ground.
You had fallen badly, with your wrist taking all your weight, plus apparently you had hit your head, or so said Vic who was the first to get to your side to keep you on the ground.
"The stretcher is coming" she said brushing some of the dirt and grass off your face.
"Babe? What hurts?" for the first time in the whole match you heard the tone of voice that Leah was used to using with you, a tone full of softness. One of her hands was placed on your abdomen, and she used her other hand to help Vic wipe your face.
"It's my hand," was all you said, opening your eyes to see that she was kneeling next to you. You weren't sure, but it felt like Leah let out a sigh when she heard that the problem was your hand and not your leg.
"You'll go to the bench." Leah murmured, watching one of your teammates take off her jacket to enter the field.
"Oh, you'll be happy now, Leah?" Vic teased her with a smirk.
"Shut up, Pelova" she said denying, but smiled anyway "Good, here comes the medical staff. I hope it's nothing serious" she said giving you a squeeze on the shoulder before getting up and returning to her position.
When you sat on the bench you were not unhappy with your performance, you had scored the two goals that led your team to a momentary win, but within minutes of you being substituted Leah's iconic phrase was ringing in your ears.
"The English are never done."
It only took your girlfriend and her team the remaining fifteen minutes and 3 minutes of extra time to turn the game around and take the 3 points.
"I can't believe it" was what you muttered as the final whistle blew, covering your face with your jacket, tears on the verge of flowing.
One of your teammates placed her hand on your thigh to reassure you, you didn't know who it was because you didn't remove your jacket from your face until several minutes later.
"Come on, YN" Viv grabbed your arm, forcing you to stand up.
You walked hugging her all the way to the centre of the pitch, where Beth and the other Arsenal girls were.
"Damn YN, I didn't know you had those goals in you" was the first thing Beth said, giving you a hug "You did well, don't worry" she murmured in your ear, knowing -thanks to Viv- how much you were worried about this match.
"You were a real nightmare," said Alessia, who then gestured to you to exchange shirts. "I hope I never see you doing what you did today again" she said with a laugh, referring to the next league match.
"I can't promise anything" you said shyly, still a little upset about losing. You were about to add something else, but in the distance you heard Leah's voice approaching. "Uh, I'll go inside, I think my arm still hurts, so I'll see if they can give me something for the pain."
Viv noticed the lie, but didn't say anything, just gave your healthy arm a squeeze. As soon as you started walking away from the group Leah did too, but Viv was quicker and managed to grab her arm to integrate her into the conversation and stop her from going after you.
"Great game today," Viv said, forcing her to focus on the conversation.
"Yeah, but you guys did well too. I think it was just a bit of luck that goal in extra time."
"That was a masterpiece!" Alessia defended herself, as she had been the one to convert that goal. "But of course, no goal will be that great for you unless it's from YN" she teased Leah, waggling her eyebrows suggestively.
"It's the truth, what YN touches turns into a masterpiece" Leah said, puffing out her chest proudly "I love watching her play, but I'd rather do it from the stands and not a few feet behind her."
"Look at you, flattering your rival, never seen that before from you" this time it was Beth who teased her.
"Since she's been with YN she has become a softie" said Viv, pinching Leah's cheek "Oh, why that grumpy face Williamson?"
"You're all idiots" she said smacking Viv's hand "So what if I've become a softie because of YN? I don't care if you laugh at me."
"We know why you have that grumpy face, Williamson" Jill said appearing behind her, jumping almost on Leah's shoulders "It's because your plan to get into YN's head didn't work out!"
"What do you say?"
"I think you achieved quite the opposite with YN, your words instead of distracting her made her try twice as hard, so thank you for that. Shame we didn't manage to keep the lead but that's the way it goes sometimes."
"Damn" Leah folded her arms "You're saying if I hadn't picked on YN she wouldn't have scored those goals?"
"I mean, she would have anyway, but I think you gave her a little push, so thanks."
At the end of the conversation all the girls laughed at Leah, who had planned all morning to get into your head, but in the end her plan didn't work out.
No one mentioned anything else about the game, let alone Leah. And the truth is, you didn't think about her either, well, that was until after you showered at the hotel, you found a bouquet of flowers on your bed and Jill and Leah chatting on the side.
"No funny business, you hear me?" Jill said to Leah before walking out of the room and leaving you two alone.
The atmosphere was awkward, but Leah didn't care.
"Uh, I brought you flowers" she hurriedly said and took the bouquet, walking over to you and handing it to you, smiling as she saw you accept them "You were amazing today... you were a real nightmare for Lucy and me."
"Don't exaggerate, it wasn't that big of a deal" you said smiling as you saw the card with a dedication in the middle of the flowers "I was the player of the match you think?"
"Yes, I can't deny it" Leah took the flowers from your hands to put it back on the bed "I did what I did because I knew it would be physically impossible to hold you back" she said taking your face, caressing your cheek. "It was a lot easier when you were subbed off, but Lucy got a couple of words from me afterwards."
"You're an idiot for that stupidity to be whispering in my ear the whole game, how old are you? 10?" you said resting your head on her chest.
"What did you expect? You scored a brace, I had to stop you somehow." Leah defended herself.
"Whatever you say... So, we're good then?"
"Yeah, I told you. It's just a game and things happen. I thought you wouldn't want to see me for how much I pissed you off today" she said laughing taking the opportunity to caress your back. "How's your hand?"
"Fine, nothing serious but I need to rest it for a couple of days."
"Good" she said and then started walking to your bed without letting you go, sitting down and making you sit on her lap. "Now... about what I said during that corner kick before your goal..." she said putting her hands on your thighs.
"Hmm..." you settled on top of her, not taking your eyes off her lips "I think that's the first time it's ever bothered me to feel you against my back if I'm being honest."
Leah couldn't hold back her laughter, taking the moment to slip her hands under your shirt "I wanted to do this every time I was behind you" she said before she started kissing you.
You guys stayed like that for a couple of minutes, with Leah murmuring how much she loved you every time she stopped kissing you to catch her breath.
"I've been worried about this match all week" you confessed as you stopped the kissing knowing you couldn't do much more than that.
"Yeah, I know. I think I got text messages every day from your team cursing me out. But I didn't want it to be like that, I like you to give your all always, even if it means being against me."
"It was just a difficult situation, your first game as a starter, qualification, Wembley...."
"I didn't want you to worry about me" she said tucking a few strands of hair behind your ear. "But I want you to know that despite the defeat, I'm proud of what you did today, and I feel like the luckiest person knowing who my girlfriend is and what she's capable of."
"You're such a sweet talker" you laughed but kissed her anyway.
"I know"
Leah patted your thigh to get you off her lap, standing up immediately after that.
"Well I gotta go, see you in a couple of days love."
"Good luck in your next match." You said giving her a last kiss on her lips.
"May the best team qualify, babe."
"Right. Go before you start your little mind games with me" you said pushing her out of the room.
"I love you!"
739 notes · View notes
ateliersss · 5 months
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Part 3 - He Shan‘t Lose
Pairing: Yautja x F!Reader Summary: Mere two months ago, you returned home after the incident on Earth. Now you were back, ready to indulge yourself and go on the weekly "date night" with your mate. If only your unborn pup had better timing… Cross-posted on AO3: here Warnings: English isn't my first language Word Count: 6,716 Part 1: here Part 2: here
⇨ Oh, I missed my Mi‘ytiar.
⇨ I can't believe I finally got this done and I'm able to present this to you. Also, my birthday, guys! God, I'm 20 and I already feel old. Please spoil me with comments, re-blogs and likes.
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“Toyou, go! Go! Good boy.” You laughed as you watched your four-legged companion chase after the trail he had scented.
Hell Hounds, they were called, and probably the closest thing to a pet you could get on Yautja Prime. You learned quickly, after your first encounter with them, that they were similar to the hounds on Earth, and like hounds on Earth, they had one purpose — hunting prey.
Unlike a curious Beagle, a devoted Pointer or a stubborn Basset Hound, Hell Hounds were more similar to Yautjas than dogs, both in looks and characteristics. But you still could recognize some traits that reminded you of your childhood dog.
You didn’t hunt with Hell Hounds often — it was more special and intimate when it was just you and Mi‘ytiar — but your mate had insisted that at least one of them should accompany you. As experience showed, the two of you had to split up at times; sometimes he also kept in the shadows, high on top of a tree, to watch you hunt on your own. It was simply a safety measure.
It wasn’t like you couldn’t handle the prey on your own. The creatures you hunted were either as small as a cat or as big as a horse. They were insignificant opponents, laughable for a Yautja and not nearly on their hunting standard, but Mi‘ytiar felt different. He didn‘t care how tiny or weak the prey was compared to him.
It wasn't about him, after all.
Those hunts were solely for you, so you could be a part of his culture without him having to worry about endangering your life. 
He had been ecstatic when you voiced your wish years ago for him to teach you how to hunt, how to track and kill as it was custom on his home planet. And even now, after you had exceeded his expectations, he still was immensely proud of you every time you succeeded.
No, Toyou wasn’t only there for tracking or for flushing out his targets, but also for guarding. You were in the final stages of your pregnancy, and your strength, your speed and your stamina had decreased, leaving you more vulnerable should prey ambush you. 
Speaking of Toyou, he had been gone for quite some time.
“Toyou?” You called, whistled, and waited for a moment for him to return to you.
When you neither could hear him bark or see him running towards you, you tried calling him again, “Toyou?”
And again.
“To–”
The other half of his name turned into a strained whimper as a stabbing pain pierced through your body, coming from your stomach. You stifled a scream, but when something wet suddenly ran down your legs, a shaky breath escaped your lips.
You knew what this meant.
Your water just broke.
“Oh no. Not now, my sweetling.”
Clutching your stomach, breathing in and out, you slowly approached a tree and practically slumped against it. One of your hands gripped the meaty texture of the tree trunk for support, the other snaked down and between your thighs. When you pulled your hand back, it was coated with the clear substance of the amniotic fluid.
And blood. There was also blood on your fingers, but it was nothing too alarming. When you had been pregnant with Akail, there had been blood too, but it was still an unsettling sight to you.
“Ahhh!” You cried out as another wave of agonizing pain washed through you, your head thrown back.
As much as you had enjoyed the mostly perfect pregnancy, you had completely forgotten about birthing the pup at the end. Maybe you had just pushed the whole thing aside, since the mere memory of Akail‘s birth was still able to install that deep-rooted dread within your body.
You went into labor when both moons were at their zenith.
Mi’ytiar, who had slept peacefully next to you, was hovering over you the second you tried to wake him up. 
It took one panicked look from you and he knew what was going on. 
He got up from his lying position on your nest and knelt beside you.
You had already pushed the furs you used as a blanket to the side and he saw your legs shining with moisture in the moonlight.
“My water broke.” You faintly answered his silent question. “Our little one is coming.”
Mi’ytiar was on high alert as he knew what that meant. 
He tried to lift you into his arms, his mind fully set on bringing you to Cahrein, the healer, but unfortunately a contraction hit you right at that moment. The pain plus the one you felt as Mi’ytiar lifted you up ripped a heart-wrenching scream from your throat. 
It hurt so very much that you punched him out of instinct, an instinct telling you to do anything to stop the pain, hitting him right in the face.
You looked up at him with wide eyes. “Oh God, Mi‘ytiar. I’m so sorry.”
His heart clenched at that. 
You shouldn’t apologize. He’d barely felt the impact anyways, your human strength too weak to actually hurt him, but he didn’t deserve to not feel anything. 
He should have felt pain, should have been knocked from his feet.
He had hurt you, had caused you more pain than you were already feeling.
You noticed the guilty expression on your mate’s face and grabbed his hand. “It’s okay, tahní. It‘s o–”
You cut yourself off as you pressed your lips together while another contraction hit you.
“–kay. It’s okay.” You panted, “Just get Cahrein.”
Mi’ytiar shook his head determinedly as he placed his free hand on yours, which clasped his other hand in a death grip. 
“Cannot leave you.” He growled.
Another contraction made you cry out, “Mi’ytiar, please!”
It took a lot of persuasion for him to finally leave your side to get the healer.
You understood that he didn‘t want to leave you on your own, out of fear something bad would happen to you if he let you out of his sight only for a second, but you needed Cahrein to deliver your son safely.
The healer had gotten to work as soon as his eyes met your tiny, withering body. Putting aside the various instruments he had taken with him — you recognized them from one of your visits where he had shown you which ones he used for births — he helped you to remove the panties that you wore with the little piece of clothing you called nightie, which you had already pulled up, over your bulging stomach, and out of the way.
Usually, you and your mate slept naked with nothing shielding you from each other’s skin, but since you got closer and closer to due-day you wanted to be prepared. You wanted to keep at least a little of your dignity, not wanting to lie completely bare in front of Cahrein. 
Even though you knew he wouldn‘t care, taking his job far too seriously for that, your body in all its naked glory was meant for Mi’ytiar‘s eyes and Mi’ytiar‘s eyes only.
With your mate on one side and the healer on the other, you spent hours in indescribable agony.
Mentally, you were so far gone, blacking out for a second here and there. You barely caught how Mi’ytiar was insistently talking to you, or how Cahrein alternately injected you with a transparent and a bright green fluid.
It felt like a miracle when the unbearable pain decreased bit by bit, but not fully disappeared. Your fuzzy mind and your blurry view started to clear. 
With the pain now more bearable, you could finally focus on the natural instinct that told you to push.
What you didn’t know was that the following screams and cries woke up the clan in alarm, gathering almost everyone in front of your home, eagerly awaiting the new addition. 
This occasion was special, after all. Their fierce and mighty leader was expecting his first pup, something no one had expected to happen. Ever.
The tense uncertainty inside and outside of your home dissipated as soon as the whiny squeals of your newborn pup finally filled the air.
“Such a bad timing, my sweetling.” You mewled.
Tears were gathering in your eyes and you quickly blinked them away. You didn’t know if it was because of the pain of the contractions, which were now four minutes apart, or out of fear of being all alone in a hostile environment.
With your tongue between your teeth, you waited until the pain subsided, fully intending to call for your mate, but when you did, his name only escaped your lips in a short-winded whisper.
It was like you couldn’t breathe.
Biting back a sob, you formed your hand into a fist and hit your chest repeatedly, trying to get yourself to breathe regularly again. And when you thought you had enough air in your lungs, you bellowed, “Mi’ytiar!”
Your breath hitched and tears finally streamed down your cheeks. You bend your upper body forward and towards the tree, and pressed the palms of your hands against the tree trunk. With your head facing the ground, tears left your eyes, rolled down the bridge of your nose before dripping down the tip to the forest floor.
You were crying and panting, your body clenching every time another contraction hit you.
“Mi’ytiar, please, please… I need you… please, please.” You begged, your voice barely audible.
Contentment.
That’s all you could feel as you adjusted your lying position on the soft fur and the woolen and cotton fabrics of your nest. It was living up to its name as it reminded you of an actual nest, a bird’s nest; just as round but with more comfortable materials. Mi’ytiar had been very picky, something that amused you to no end.
That and the fireplace embedded into the floor, enclosing the round platform the nest was on, kept you warm and cozy.
You and the pup that was sleeping on your chest.
Little Akail let out little purrs while he enjoyed the warmth of his mother’s body that kept him tranquil and happy.
Only ten hours old and he already had such a significant place in this clan and his parent’s hearts.
You hummed quietly to your pup, only looking up from the endearing sight when Mi’ytiar entered your home and came to a halt in front of your nest, taking in the very welcome view of his (tantalizing naked) mate and his newborn son.
“Don’t get any ideas.” You warned him playfully when you noticed his heated gaze racking over your body.
“Back on Earth, some parents hold their babies like this. The skin and warmth forges a strong bond between them and the baby can get used to its parents’ touch.” You explained, your fingers slowly caressing Akail‘s back.
Mi’ytiar only clicked his mandibles in acknowledgment before he started to take off his armor and his traditional clothing as clan leader. 
You had to bite your lower lip, reminding yourself of your own scolding words only seconds ago, but you simply couldn’t help yourself. Your mate was a fine specimen, a strong and gorgeous Yautja. You were one hell of a lucky woman.
You watched him get on the nest, now only dressed in his loin cloth, and he moved on his knees towards you. 
You wrapped an arm around Akail — still curled up into a ball with his head tucked under your chin and his feet resting on your belly — and got up into a sitting position.
Mi’ytiar grabbed you by your thigh and hip, lifted you up and pulled you to him so you were sitting on his thighs while your legs were wrapped around the width of his hips.
He lopped his arms around you, drawing you into an embrace, so little Akail was now nestled between both of his parents’ warm bodies.
The smile that had grown on your lips since the moment Mi’ytiar had entered your home was now so bright and wide your cheeks started to hurt. 
But you didn’t really care. You couldn‘t hide the sheer happiness you were feeling right now at this moment.
You felt movement against your throat and above the valley of your breasts, and when you looked down as best as you could manage, you saw Akail nuzzle his face into your skin while his tiny hand was now lying on your chest where your heart was beating.
You wanted to cry happy tears.
You had never expected to become a mother, never planned on it, never even remotely wanted it if you were being honest, but having your baby now in your arms made every antipathy disappear. 
You placed a soft kiss on Akail‘s head, using as little pressure as possible so he wouldn’t wake up.
“He’s perfect.” You whispered and looked up at Mi’ytiar who was already watching you intently. “Are you happy?”
He cocked his head to the side, his chest vibrating when he confirmed, “Happy.”
He felt Akail‘s small body against his own, felt his tiny body press against his every time he was breathing.
Breathing.
A beating heart.
Alive.
He loosened the embrace of one of his arms around your body to reach between the two of you and for his son, his fingers tracing from Akail‘s forehead to the back of his head — there, he had the same scale pattern as his father, only with reversed colors — and from his temple over the hints of dreads on each side of his little head with his thumb.
Akail was indeed perfect, just like his mother, and he loved him with all his heart already, but the price he almost had to pay for having him here…
“I thought I would lose you today.” He admitted, breaking the comfortable silence between you.
You lifted your head from where it had been resting on his chest to look up at him with a small smile.
“For a second, I thought I would never see you again. I thought I would never meet our son." You nodded, thinking about the sharp pain and the feeling of life leaving your body as your pup fought his way out of you. “But Cahrein had prepared me as well as he was able to. He helped me through it. Who knows, hadn’t he injected me with your blood…”
You trailed off when Akail began to stir. You quickly started to rock him up and down, luring him back to sleep.
“He’s a very gifted male. I’ve trusted him with my life since the first time we visited him together after my arrival here so many moons ago.”
You adjusted your arm and its hold on Akail, the other reached up and cupped Mi’ytiar’s cheek. You let your fingertips glide over the scaly texture of his skin and dragged them over his jaw to his chin, down his throat to the middle of his chest.
“He also told me that I would be able to give you another pup in a foreseeable future…”
Mi’ytiar frowned, asking skeptically, “After what you gone through today?”
You shrugged and leaned your head forward, your cheek pressed against his pec. “I’m not talking about now or tomorrow, my love, but someday. In a few years, maybe.”
Mi’ytiar bristled, a loud rumble shaking his torso. “No.”
“No?”
“No.” He shook his head, a very human gesture in your eyes. “You almost died.”
You smiled into his skin. Protective through and through, even when it came to his own offspring.
You were incredibly lucky to be chosen by a Yautja like him. 
It was rare for them to be interested in a human. It was rarer for them to treat that human like an equal instead of a slave or one of many lovers. It was the rarest for a human to be injected with Yautja blood to largely adapt to their DNA and enable life on their planet.
And Mi’ytiar told you himself — you were the only human ever being Life-Mated to a Yautja who carried his offspring and had a similar leading role as him as the mate of a leader; all in one.
You were the rarest of the rarest, a uniqueness, something completely new.
But humans had birthed Yautja-Human-hybrids long before you, most of them more than one or two.
“The next time will be different, Mi’ytiar. My body will be stronger and mentally I will be more prepared.” You told him and peppered his chest with feather-light kisses before you looked up at him again, a loving smile on your lips. “You shan’t lose me.”
You whimpered in relief when you finally heard the familiar growling bark of a Hell Hound. 
“Toyou!” You called, “I’m… here!”
You felt something move under you and fill the free space between your bend-over position against the tree. You opened your eyes, which you had closed to calm yourself and your breath, and looked down to see the Hound’s face already fixed on yours.
“N‘yaka-de. Get him.” You panted and watched as Toyou turned around to run.
When he suddenly stopped to walk hesitantly back to you, not liking the fact he was about to leave you behind who was obviously in distress, you stomped with your foot and yelled, “Toyou, fucking now!”
He darted off and you felt a tinge of guilt for lashing out. After all, he was loyal and a surprisingly good cuddle partner.
“Argh!” You cried out when another stabbing sensation almost made your legs give out.
Once again it felt like you were being torn apart, but at least you didn‘t feel like you were closer to death than life like at Akail‘s birth over 30 years ago. You were kind of proud of yourself, actually, considering you were still able to stand. 
Yeah, standing against a tree for support instead of lying in your warm and soft nest where you had actually planned to deliver your second pup. You didn‘t want to give birth in an unsafe environment, with no Mi’ytiar and no Cahrein. 
But who would have expected that your pup was ready to be welcomed into the world on a hunt?
You did. 
You had felt premature labor pains for two days now, but you hadn’t paid them any mind as Akail was born only six days after those pains had started. 
But even those pains had felt different in those two days, so why hadn‘t you just listened to your body when it undoubtedly told you “No!” while you answered Mi’ytiar‘s question “Hunt?” with an enthusiastic “Yes!” ?
You knew the answer to that, too. 
While women on Earth had to stop certain activities at one point in their pregnancy and were limited in their doings, Yautja females could still follow their everyday lives throughout their whole pregnancy. Meaning, they could still jump from one obstacle to another, chase their prey and kill it. 
Thinking that you were able to do that too had been utterly stupid and arrogant, but you just didn’t want to seem weak. Yes, the clan had accepted you and saw you as one of them, as the mate of their leader, but you couldn’t stop the suffocating need to prove yourself again and again.
It was unnecessary. Mi’ytiar had told you that, Cahrein had told you that, the Females you liked to spend your time with and considered friends told you that and, hell, even a few Males that were close to your mate told you that.
But here you were, crying and groaning, when another contraction cursed through your body. You regretted leaving your cozy home, regretted not being pampered by your loving mate in your nest, and regretted leaving your son behind, who had been by your side all the time, hovered over you in case he had to step in should you need anything in your state, followed you around like a lost puppy if you weren’t napping in your nest.
It reminded you of the time when he had been much younger and much smaller. He had been practically attached to your hip and everywhere you went, he was there. He had been such an adorable and shy little boy. Who were you kidding? He still was, but you missed those times anyway. He had grown up too fast.
You were nervous.
With your arms wrapped tightly around your body, you watched the hustle and bustle in the distance. They were preparing for the departure of the five Young Bloods who would soon leave for a faraway world to hunt and complete their initiation into Adulthood.
Among them was your son, your Akail, who would leave you for who knows how long to presumably search for the largest and most dangerous beast and kill it to prove himself.
Just like his father, you thought.
In the first year of your relationship, Mi'ytiar had told you everything imaginable about himself, and one evening about his own initiation ritual. He had told you how reckless and sure of himself he had been as a Young Blood, how he threw himself into danger to impress his clan.
Although that had secured his position as leader, he’d summoned his son the day before to admonish him to proceed with caution, to be logical and strategic, and to not let arrogance control him.
Lost in worried thoughts, you didn't notice as Mi'ytiar approached you, dropped to one knee and pulled you to his torso with his strong arms. He nuzzled his face into your hair, his mandibles running through it.
He loved your hair. It was just as soft as the rest of you.
“What on your mind, yawne?” He asked.
“I’m scared.” You breathed.
“On your home planet, oomans worry too when child leaves?”
You put your hand on one of his arms that was wrapped around you. “They do, but not like this. On Earth, human children leave the safety of their homes every day to go to school, to learn, and then they will return. In a few hours Akail will leave the safety of his home to finish school, so to say, but will he return?” You told him absentmindedly, your attention still fixed on the ship. “Human parents don't have to fear that particular day when their children go on a journey to possibly get killed just because of a custom.”
You felt his arms tighten around you. “Do not be scared.” He said.
“I can’t help it. I’m his mother.”
Mi'ytiar let out a chuckle that sounded more like a growl than an actual laugh.
“And I his father.” He said and turned you around, not loosening the close embrace. “I trained him well. Made him strong and made him smart. Doubting my skills, yawne?”
Although he had already lowered himself, reducing his height to be closer to you, you still had to raise your head to look at him.
God, you loved his eyes. Even though there were rare variations at times among their kind — sometimes a lighter shade, sometimes a darker shade, sometimes more orange than yellow — the eyes of all Yautja had the same color.
But to you, Mi'ytiar’s eyes were different, even though one couldn’t possibly spot a difference when he was standing next to other Yautja. To you, they were brighter, more intense, more expressive. Or maybe it was just the way he looked at you, with so much gentle affection and love you wouldn't credit a beast of his stature with.
“Of course I’m not. I could never.”
You suddenly could feel large arms engulfing your body from behind, pulling you into an upright-standing position, and you just let yourself instinctively fall into their embrace.
You knew those limbs, knew their warmth and their strength.
“Mi’ytiar, the pup… the pup is coming.” You panted and dug your fingernails into his forearm.
You felt him move behind you. He lifted you up, his arms supporting your back and the back of your knees as he held you to his torso. He briefly registered how you quickly wrapped your arms around his neck before he took off.
He ran like he never did. At the same time, he was careful not to let your body jolt around too much as he jumped over fallen tree trunks and climbed rocks to reach the Scout Ship while you clung to him.
Every time a contraction hit, he could feel your body tense in his arms and your mouth press against his chest as you muffled another scream.
Oh, how he wished he could take away the pain, but at least it wasn’t as horrible as it was at Akail’s birth.
Mi’ytiar remembered your glistening tears and your little withering body, how you had squeezed his hand so hard that even he had felt pain and how you had begged both him and Cahrein to stop it. Especially the fear of death in your eyes haunted him to this day.
He had almost lost you — you, his precious human — all those years ago and it had been his entire fault.
The possibility of becoming a father had been zero, non-existent, and at one point in his life, he had accepted the fact that he may be not meant to be a father. He stopped caring and someday just forgot about it entirely. The wish to continue his line like any proud leader faded away and instead he settled for the idea of passing on his knowledge and experiences to the pups and Younglings of his people.
Then he met you, this petite beautiful thing, when he was lounging on a building near an alley. He heard you before he saw you, heard you and them.
They were calling you strange names and were whistling after you before they decided to follow you down the street. Trying to escape them, you took a left turn and quickened your strides as you crossed the alley.
Mi’ytiar, who was attracted by the noises, slid down the rooftop and soundlessly landed on the metal balcony of one of the apartments. Even from the third floor, he had a perfect view of what was happening down in the alley as the men grabbed you, pushed and pulled on you, and he felt mildly impressed when you started fighting back; kicking, scratching and screaming.
The men’s playful, taunting behavior quickly turned fatal when one of them, fed up with your attempts to flee, slapped you so hard across the face that you stumbled back, tripped over your own feet and fell backwards to the ground.
Your screams quickly turned desperate when one of them pushed up your skirt and tore on your panties, mumbling something about teaching you a lesson, while his companions held you down.
At this point, Mi’ytiar knew something had been wrong. Mating between a Yautja male and female consisted of fighting each other, too, but not like this; not with more than one male and not with the female resisting long after the male fought the female into submission.
Your behavior told him everything he needed to know — you weren’t even close to being interested in mating with those males — and before things could get any worse, he jumped down and killed those who forced themselves on you.
By the time four bodies in various morbid states of dismemberment were littering the alley, your whole body was trembling as you stayed on the ground, cowering.
He had crouched down to your level and one of his bloodied claws reached out to touch your face, your horror-widened eyes watching him with caution.
To him you were what a kitten was to a human. You were so small, he noted, so small and soft and pink. He also thought you were beautiful, contrastive to what Yautja usually thought about your kind. He took you with him that night and the rest was history.
Even though you weren’t a suitable mate, his clan begrudgingly accepted the idea of a human being with their leader. He couldn’t have pups anyway, so why not just let him indulge himself and let him seek happiness and pleasure in other things?
And then, one day, you told him about your wish to carry his pup. He had been excited, absolutely ecstatic, but not about the image of your rounding belly with his offspring — he knew he was unable to have one — and rather about the fact that you were willing to mate with him in a way that could lead to a child. The fact you loved him and trusted him enough was all he cared about.
As much as he loved his son, he should have done something the second both of you learned that you were pregnant. He had been so overjoyed his human mate was extraordinarily able to have his pup that he never thought about possible consequences.
Anyone would have had serious doubts and would have objected because there was no way a human would survive that, but Mi’ytiar didn’t, too blown away by the prospect of becoming a father.
That changed as the day of the pup being due crept closer and closer, and slowly worry and fear set in.
And to make one thing clear: if you hadn’t been injected with Yautja blood from the beginning — first daily, then weekly, then monthly, until it stopped years ago — you wouldn’t have made it and Akail would have torn you apart from the inside out.
He was glad that Cahrein had kept a cool head and realized that his blood would help you when all other means had failed.
It was like history was repeating itself as he tried to focus on the task at hand — getting you to the ship — and not let the fluid running down his arms and body distract him. He wished he hadn’t dared to look down, to look down and see the blood you were losing, coming from a source that was his fault.
Why did he let you convince him to have a second pup? Why did the mere thought of getting you pregnant again make him so ignorant of your near-death experience? Why did he listen to Cahrein when he told the both of you that another pup was possible? Why did he forget that you weren’t like his kind?
His heavy, thumping footsteps suddenly sounded different, and when you pulled your face away from his chest to look around, you noticed the soft earth of the forest had been replaced by the cold metal of the ship.
As careful and gentle as he could in his rattled state, he put you down on the closest surface he could find — the table used for planning, briefing and orientation with several holo-maps — and slammed his fist down on the surface. He growled and hissed a few words you couldn’t understand. Your translating earpieces were perfectly fine, but your brain was only picking up the pain shooting through your body instead of noticing any stimuli from your surroundings.
You were so out of it, the tears blurring your view, that you missed the conversation between Mi’ytiar and the holographic image of Cahrein.
“Mi’ytiar.” Cahrein greeted his leader in the customary way of placing his left fist on the right side of his chest while slightly bowing down his head.
“The pup is coming.” Mi’ytiar said without hesitation, straight to the point.
Cahrein rounded the table to stand next to him and he leaned over you to get a better look at you. He reached out to grab your calves to open your legs, but his hands went right through you.
“Pauk. I can’t help her like this. You have to bring her here.”
“No.” You cried out, answering before Mi’ytiar could even open his mouth. “The pup is coming now.”
Cahrein looked conflicted, contemplating about what to do next as he was restricted in his actions. He could already tell that this was going to be hard.
“Mi’ytiar, I packed a Medicomp for emergencies when you said you two would go hunt. Get it.”
You let out a whine when your mate disappeared from your side, which was quickly occupied by the healer who noticed your distress. “Calm, (Y/N), calm.”
“It hurts so much.” You cried out.
“I know.” He retorted and eyed the red fluid running down your thighs to your calves, dripping down your toes. “You need to take off your clothes.”
With trembling hands, you started to open the pants-like cloth that hugged your legs like a second skin and circled them from your ankles up to your hips. You struggled with the complicated lacing and cursed as you began to rip on them out of frustration.
Bigger hands replaced yours and when you looked up, you saw that Mi’ytiar had returned and stood between your legs. He used his sharp claws to cut the cords open and he pulled the rest of the garment down. He was more considerate with the bloodied panties underneath and tried not to rip them, although you believed that they were irreversibly ruined.
The first and last time he had torn your panties to shreds, you had scolded him for it after he was done fucking you from behind like a dog in his rut. You didn’t have much of your human clothes left — most of it had been replaced by self-made clothes of local fabrics inspired by their style anyway — but what you definitely wanted to keep was your underwear. So when Mi’ytiar returned to you one day from a spontaneous trip to Earth with a dozen new undies, you had been more than thankful.
Mi’ytiar grabbed your ankles, placed both of your feet flat on the table and spread your thighs apart, stepping aside for Cahrein to finally take a look at you.
The healer’s holo-image got down on his knees and peered between what was happening between your legs.
You wanted to hide and press them back together, but you knew that it wasn’t much of help and just let him do his thing. Instead, you let your head loll to the side and looked at your mate.
Mi’ytiar had his hands in fists, keeping them tightly pressed to his sides, and he watched Cahrein with concern and something else in his eyes. You knew he was worried about you. He tried to hide it, tried putting his true feelings behind the mask of a collected and strong leader and warrior like he always did in dicey situations, but you could see right through it.
“And?” He urged Cahrein to finally give him an answer.
“She is ready. She has to push.”
“What about the blood?”
“Incidental. She has to push.”
So that’s what you did.
Taking a deep breath and gripping the edge of the table for the support, you strained every muscle in your body. The resulting, blood-curdling scream even got the two Yautja to flinch and Mi’ytiar lunged forward. He pried your fingers away from the table where you had been holding on for dear life, and intertwined them with his. You instantly squeezed them and Mi’ytiar let out a surprised hiss.
After a moment, your tense body slumped down. It simply gave up after not being able to endure the pain any longer.
“You need to keep going.”
“I can’t.” You hiccuped, choking on your tears as you shook your head vehemently.
“You can. You did this 30 years ago. It was impressive. I never expected such a tiny creature to survive, but you did. You will again.” Cahrein turned to Mi’ytiar and pointed to the Medicomp. “Take the syringe, take your blood and inject it.”
Rather reluctantly, he loosened the hold you had on him and opened the Medicomp. He rummaged through it, found the syringe, and jabbed it into the flesh of his arm, uncaring of the following pain. You were far more important than anything else right now.
While he filled the syringe with his fluorescent-green blood, Cahrein was talking to you and encouraged you to keep going. He tried to distract you and keep your mind from drifting off to a place of no return.
“Something is wrong.” He murmured after a while.
He had watched Mi’ytiar inject you with three doses of his blood already, but you still were in agonizing pain. You even had lost consciousness twice, something that hadn’t even happened when you birthed your first pup.
You squeezed your eyes shut and only opened them again when the pain subsided a bit. “W-What?”
“You should have started crowning already, but you don’t.”
“Why?” You asked in a long-drawn cry.
Cahrein, for the first time in over thirty years, looked baffled and completely clueless. He couldn’t explain it as he had no idea himself. There had never been complications when the females of his clan gave birth. You were the only exception.
“What are typical problems that arise for oomans during childbirth?” He asked, not knowing what else he could do.
It took a moment until you became aware that you had been asked a question.
“Am-Amniotic fluid e-enters the bloodstream… the u-uterus tears… the ba-baby is in an abnormal p-position… it’s s-stuck…” You offered between pained huffs, trying to come up with as many options as you could think of. “In most emergencies, w-when a natural birth isn’t possible, they d-do a c-section… they cut into t-the woman’s belly a-and get the baby out... and then…”
Mi’ytiar wanted you to stop talking. He wanted you to stop putting images of your cut-open body in front of him. He wanted you to stop making him think of your lifeless form after the pup was pulled out of it.
“You have to incise into her abdomen. I will instruct you.” Cahrein finally said.
Mi’ytiar immediately straightened his back and let out a roar. “No!”
“If you do it, either the pup and (Y/N) survive, or just the pup... but if you do nothing, then they will both die.” Cahrein pressed and eyed you for a second.
You were running out of time.
“I… I can’t.”
He sounded defeated. You had never ever expected to see him like this — so vulnerable, so hopeless, so broken. He was the definition of strength, of courage, of accountability, of resilience, and now only a hollow shadow of the man he was was standing in front of you, thinking about the chance of losing his entire world.
He couldn’t lose you. He couldn’t.
How could it be possible for him to live, breathe, without you?
He had a taste of a life he never wanted to leave, a life he wasn’t able to quit, a life only something as extraordinary as you could give him. Not because you were human, although that was probably one of the aspects, but because you were you.
He loved you.
You had taught him that love was the most valuable thing to a person. Love was worth more than anything else in life. It was such a strong, overwhelming feeling no one could put exactly into words until one actually felt it.
And he loved you.
“No, Mi’ytiar… you have to, you have to.” You urged him between panting breaths. “Save our… our baby. Forget me… ju-just save our son… please.”
Mi’ytiar looked down at you as you begged him to do something he wasn’t willing to do in a million years. Cahrein would have hesitated in his stead, but he wasn’t your mate and would have cut into you. Mi’ytiar, on the other hand, could never do something that would harm you.
But he already did, though. He had doomed you the second his seed took.
“Mi’ytiar!” Cahrein barked and pulled the male out of his thoughts.
His body was on autopilot when his hand reached for a scalpel-like tool from the Medicomp.
“Thank you, thank you!” You cried out.
The only thing you felt was relief as your body slowly went numb, tears clouding your view. Everything around you became blurry and Mi'ytiar started to disappear. The world around you grew darker and darker as he set the sharp blade onto your skin and slowly applied pressure, cutting into you until blood flowed onto the table, down to the floor of the ship, creating a red puddle.
You never even registered the feeling of him cutting you open.
Your body shut down before you could.
987 notes · View notes
uwublr · 8 days
Text
Pine's Ridiculously Long List of Free Japanese Study Materials
First Month Edition
All my current study materials, because sharing found resources is caring. These are not JLPT-specific and are for pre-beginners to beginners like me. I can't believe I have been studying for a month. Comparison is truly the thief of joy. I am a slow learner, but that's okay. Find a community because it truly does make a difference. Shoutout to Seitokai's Nihongo Discord, and to @tokidokitokyo whose post let me know about it and is just overall a great person too.
Main study material: Marugoto Online A1 Self-Study Kastudoo and Rikai with downloaded PDF and Wordbook (my original post about it)
Supplemental references:
A Dictionary of Basic Japanese Grammar (The only NOT free resource in this list, sorry! The e-book sold on Amazon does not have good reviews as it's a scanned copy of the book, rather than a properly formatted e-book. A free alternative to this is JapBase which also contains Intermediate and Advanced content.)
Marugoto Plus which accompanies the Marugoto courses and includes videos, audio files, etc.
Apps: Anki, Renshuu
Anki decks:
Tatsumoto's Kana (Recognizing and Writing)
Tatsumoto's AnkiDrone Sentence Pack V7
Official KanjiDamage Deck (from the creator of KanjiDamage, crude language warning for both the deck and the site)
Marugoto A1 Rikai Katsudoo 2021
Dictionaries:
Rikaitan browser extension (installed JMDict English V4, JMExtra, 日本語文法辞典(全集), and Kanjium)
Takoboto app (with offline access)
Other resources:
Sukiruma for practice writing sheets
Reader Ttsu for reading Japanese materials on a browser (used in conjunction with Rikaitan, since I couldn't find an e-book reader that I can install a Japanese dictionary in)
Sousakuba for downloadable genkouyoushi without watermarks
Youtube:
Favorites marked with a ⭐️.
Comprehensible Input for what it says on the tin, in bite-size formats
Daily Japanese with Naoko for vlogs with Japanese subtitles
Dogen for the funny videos that you can learn from and/or relate to
Game Gengo because Japanese learning through games, and has JLPT geared content if you're looking for it
Gino Kei who has shorts teaching Japanese in a not so serious way
Hiro - Food in Japan for cooking videos, not in Japanese, but these make me crave for Japanese food anyway so that counts
⭐️ Japan Eat for Japanese food commentary in English and also makes me hungry. So, yeah, not in 日本語 but it's delicious so that also counts
Japanese Koro mostly for kana reading practice which actually helps you get short serotonin boosts for when you do actually get to read the words correctly
Japanese Quest which plays games in Japanese
⭐️ Japarrot! for fun, animated comprehensible input videos
Let's ask Shogo for culture content
⭐️⭐️⭐️ Matcha Samurai for delightfully unhinged culture content, debunking Japanese misconceptions one video at a time
Namba Tsuyoshi for no narration Japanese walk with me style vlogs, very chill and relaxing
⭐️ NihongoDekita with Sayaka for fun, short grammar content
ShekMatz Japan has videos/playlists where she teaches Japanese in Tagalog, so if you can't understand Tagalog, you'd better skip it
Sora The Troll because why not
⭐️ Takashii from Japan is honestly one of my favorites, even before I started learning Japanese. His interviews are just really good!
Taro's Sewing because my toxic trait is thinking I can sew the cool things they post. Also comes with short Japanese commentary on screen
Tokyo Lens counts as uh, immersion even if it's not in Japanese, but it's in Japan so that counts? Yeah, let's go with that
もしもしようすけ for Japan vlogs/walk with me with Japanese and English subtitles
Yomii Japan Piano if you like piano and the occasional trolling
Japanese Calligrapher Takumi because my other toxic trait is thinking I can write this beautifully
237 notes · View notes
ohbabydollie · 12 days
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currently imagining a jaded, deadpan lit teacher!schlatt. super intelligent, incredible teacher that all his students adore and love to learn from, but they all swear to god they’ve never seen him smile once
then comes along absolute ray of sunshine teacher!y/n, probably teaching some kind of fine art, and it is just like a moth to a flame. he cannot stay away from you!
you meet for the first time in the teacher’s lounge and he’s a little taken aback, he doesn’t know what it is about you but something makes his little brain flip a switch and it’s all sunshine and rainbows. not much longer after that, you start becoming friends, sharing cool little things about your interests or the subjects you teach.
he does a pretty good job of hiding these feelings from the kids, just because he wants to keep that side of him private from his students, but one day he slips up. you sneak in during a class of his during your free period to return a book he recommended to you. when you walked out, he had no idea that he was smiling but apparently the students noticed.
“mr. schlatt, were you just smiling?”
“finish your essay.”
also am i allowed to be 🥥 anon
ofc, welcome 🥥 anon
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before you came along schlatt was the most obviously exhausted and stressed teacher, but his students loved him.
from stapling mcdonald’s job applications on failed tests to talking about his cats. his students very clearly loved him and adored him, but he just seemed so sad in a way, especially when one of them got him to talk about his dating life.
single, with multiple failed dates under his belt
then you transferred to the school after the last art teacher had quit.
he had heard about you from his students, the new young single art teacher making sure to emphasize on the single part, but he always told them to focus on getting their assignment done over focusing on the teachers dating lives.
he really didn’t care for you, probably would be done in a few weeks if you couldn’t handle how rowdy and rough some of these kids could be. he gave you a month at best.
then you came into the teacher’s lounge getting snack after snack out of the vending machine as he watched in silence. not out of judgement, but he was just mesmerized completely
the concentration on your face as you punched in number after number watching the snacks fall before grabbing a cardboard box to place it all in was all so adorable to him, he didn’t even realize he had been staring until you looked over at him with a big smile.
“hi, i don’t believe we’ve met!” you chirp, “i’m y/n the new art teacher” you say extending out a hand for him to shake. he politely takes it, giving you a semi-awkward smile
“i’m jay, i teach english in b103” he says feeling himself turn red
“oh wow! i’m only down the hall from you, my room is c102” you say parting from the hand shake and picking up your box “well i’ll see you around” you say pushing the door open
and just like that you were gone as soon as you came
and schlatt had a new goal in mind, you
the next period he had came back better than ever. his normally deadpan and tired voice had more excitement and life to it and his students noticed for sure, waiting until the lesson was over to pry into him, but they all got the same response.
“jus added a shot of expresó into my coffee this mornin” he says starting to grade the assignments from his last class.
they had assumed that was it, nothing more to it until the next week where he seemed to be radiating with joy, when they pried into him again all he said was, “jus had some coffee from my favorite spot this mornin, nothin else”
he hadn’t mentioned it was with you.
over the next few months they noticed more and more change, fixing his hair more often, wearing his nicer clothes and whatever he could to look better.
as a student asked “so who’s the lucky lady?”
you had walked in holding a book, causing the room to fall silent. you practically floated to his desk as everyone watched you.
“hey, thanks for letting me borrow your copy, it was really good” you say handing him the book
“oh..it’s no problem, anytime” he says softly as you smile
“ ‘kay, well i’ll see you later, oh and your glasses are a little smudged” you say heading to leave as he watches in awe.
once you’re out, he’s taking off his glasses, smiling to himself with a small chuckle as he cleans them off, basking in the moment, completely forgetting his students were there until someone speaks up.
“mr. schlatt, are you smiling?” he asks teasingly before schlatt immediately drops the smile and goes deadpan again
“finish your assignment before i fail you”
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