#and I'm not gonna say I'm not trans enough. not starting that train of thought.

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Anyway. Fun thing while I'm still stuck in brain fog land.

Trans Femme Freddy from a while back. Ya know, Francine Fazbear? Now that I like to give Freddy and Roxy a 'fuck you. FUCK YOU TOO' kind of relationship, there's some new layers to Francine to explore.

My Roxy is trans. She has a fun gender, and she does what she likes. She is not male or female, she's not a man or a woman, she's not a secret third thing, she's just Roxy. That's it. She has problems with the gendered aspects of her body, and if she's able to change that? She's very well supported and is clearly over the moon about it.

She said she liked any pronouns, but still favoured she/her and there was no name change. She didn't want any of that! She's always been Roxy! She just gets to decide what that looks like now! She can be as masc or as femme or as gender neutral as she wants! She will do whatever she wants and still be Roxy! By the time this stuff happens, she's been dealing with this gender stuff for so long, and understandably, kept the majority of her thoughts and feelings about it all to a very close circle of friends. Of which Freddy is not a part of.

Now, if we take Freddy and sail him down the river towards Francine, in my head, I get something that'd be interesting to explore in a fic of sorts.

After Roxy is free to do whatever she wants with her presentation, and makes a few changes to her body she's wanted, it gets Freddy thinking. He's barely seen the tip of the iceberg of her gender related problems, but now that he really thinks about it, the few issues he did see start to make sense. Truth be told, Freddy has always struggled a lot with his own assigned gender, something he's vaguely expressed to Bonnie and Chica, but never said outright. He never let himself wonder what he could be. He never took the time to really consider what he wanted because it would never be possible. There would be no point. All he knows, is that he's not a boy. He's not a man. He's not a dad or a boyfriend either. Those words just don't fit. A lot of things just don't fit, but there's nothing he can do about it.

But Roxy has just shown him something can be done. He's there in the group as she briefly talks about how she feels about it all, saying that she doesn't know exactly how she wants to present, but that she's got ideas for days and she's ready to see what sticks. He's there when she talks about the various attempts to do something like this before (against Fazbear Entertainment's wishes) that have gone South, and even remembers a few of those instances himself. He'd never understood why she did those things and he'd wondered at the time why she clammed up and gone completely quiet when he confronted her about damages, rule breaking or going against the company. Normally, she would have told him straight away why she'd done something. She was always loud and proud but not in the moments she talks about. Now Freddy gets it. For once, Roxy makes sense to him. He gets it.

And he doesn't like it.

He's staring at himself in the mirror. He's worried, he's nervous, and he keeps thinking about how Roxy did it. How Roxy is happier now. How she said she took her time, went slowly with it and had DJ and the Minis he very rarely sees behind her every step of the way. How Roxy has what Freddy wants but not quite.

He tries not to think too hard about it. Convincing himself that it's still not possible. He's Freddy Fazbear! He can't be anything but Freddy Fazbear! That's just how it is! It's not going to change!

But he keeps thinking. The questions keep coming and the answers aren't there. The words 'boy' and 'boyfriend' and 'man' start sticking more. He can see Roxy getting referred to as a boy sometimes, with he/him pronouns, they/them and even some random ones he's never heard of and he's starting to get so fucking jealous and it spikes every time she smiles after someone uses she/her for her. He wants so badly not to be bothered by any of this, but he is and it's starting to hurt when there's someone right there that might have the answers he's looking for... but fucking hellfire does he hate her. He's painfully aware that feeling is mutual.

He can't just go to Roxy. They're not even allowed to be left alone in the same room together after they got into an actual, physical fight a few years back. The tension has dwindled since then, but it's never left. They still fucking hate each other. That will never change, he's sure.

But no one else has the answers. No one else could possibly have the answers. No one else has done it before. He wants to know what he's feeling is okay. He wants to know that there's an option and he needs someone to be there that understands. But he'd rather die than rely on Roxy, and he's sure she'd rather die than help him. He's certain that out of everyone, she'd be the one to turn him away. He's certain she'd use it as her next backhanded compliment, or ammunition in their next sniping match. Why wouldn't she? She uses everything else against him, and he's just as guilty of it, so he won't ask. He won't say a word. He'll watch, he won't be sad, he won't think about it, and he'll occasionally seethe with frustration and envy right beneath the surface.

Until it's just too much.

Freddy was there when some bigotted parent started shouting. That this gender stuff is a game. It's all a money making scheme. It's all nonsense and it's just a phase. They shouldn't be encouraging any of it! Why can't they just be normal about it? It's making kids believe it's okay to throw their lives away because everyone else is doing it! I mean, what's next? Freddina Fazbearella? He says nothing. For the first time in his life, violence feels like the only good response. The thought scares him, and he does nothing.

Roxy steps in. She laughs in their face with all the confidence in the world and says "Lady, gender is a race and I'm winning. Don't be a sore loser now!" and a few minutes of her taking the abuse with a smirk on her face later, they're removed to the sound of applause. Little kids that had barely paid Roxy any attention before were suddenly enamoured. She's not a boy or a girl?? You can just be anything???? Wow!!! That's so cool!!! Suddenly she has a group of little kids, trading dolls and toy trucks and playing a game called Anything where they can be anyone they want. Chica and Sunny are there now, rallying them to play dress up and have fun with who they are and Freddy just watches on in silence. Little boys in dresses are princesses of the castle, little girls are racing trucks with fake moustaches. Two kids swapped names and shirts. They're all encouraged to try everything and find what they want to be and the game is so full of fun and laughter. He leaves when no one is looking. He has a lot to think about. Is it really that easy?

No, he decides. It's not. That's a simplified version for the kids. Roxy didn't teach them about her issues, or walk them through any feelings. She just taught them to be themselves, like she's always done in her own way. Would she do the same for him? He doesn't think so... but that person's words are on loop in his head. He can't just ignore this anymore. What he felt in that moment wasn't who he is, he can't let it go on like this. So he takes the gamble.

He shows up after hours. She's on the roof of her salon playing her keytar. She's not supposed to be up there... A Mini Music Man alerts her that he's there and he remembers she's territorial. She doesn't like anyone walking in after hours unnanounced. Monty's the same. She sets her keytar aside and leaps down. He can already tell she's angry and he wonders for the millionth time today if he's made a mistake. He hears her growling and demanding to know what he's doing on her turf, she barely tolerates him during the day, and he wants to answer 'Nothing. I am sorry to have bothered you.' but he doesn't. For once he can't say a word. He doesn't know where to start. He's frozen and while he wants to back out, he can't move. She gets louder and he notices the Minis have pretty much vanished. Are they scared too...? She gets closer, gets in his face and asks if he's fucked up his ears or something. She jabs at him and he can't keep the impassive mask in place. He expects her to grab him, to drag him out of her territory like she's done a few dozen times before...

Instead, Roxy pauses. She looks him up and down and takes a few steps back with narrowed eyes. She looks around and suddenly looks uneasy. "You're alone." she says. "I am." he answers. She's expecting the worst, he's sure. A death, or something, perhaps. "Why." It's not even a question. It's a command. It kicks something in his head and suddenly five words spill out of him and he turns his head down to glare at the floor and brace himself for whatever her repsonse may be.

"I am not a boy." He'd said. He's not sure if he wants to cry, melt into the floor or just be happy he's finally said it. There's such a long silence. He's never felt afraid to look before.

"You're not...?" She sounds utterly lost and he shakes his head. Why does she sound like that? Does she not know this feeling? He was certain she would! "Okay... so... w-why are you telling me...? Of all people??" she asks. He looks up and she recoils in shock at what must be a mess of emotion on his face, a far cry from the controlled mask he always wears with her. Never before has he felt so exposed and so afraid of what he's doing.

"What do I do?" He feels like he's almost begging. Perhaps he is. He's been ignoring this for so long, he needs an answer. What does he do now?

Roxy's face falls thoughtful. She leaves him waiting for a while, and for once, he's glad she's taking the time to find her words. She sighs and nods to herself. He's left staring in confusion as she turns and walks towards the salon entrance. She looks back at him after he doesn't move and gestures more pointedly for him to follow. And follow he does. Without a word. She takes him into the back, through a door he noticed behind the shelves before, and into the warmly lit tunnel system of play areas he's never really been in before. They sit in a comfy, surprisingly cosy spot and she starts to talk, or more accurately, starts prompting him to talk.

It's awkward. It's difficult. He's never struggled to articulate himself before but he is now. She doesn't just hear him like she always does. She listens. She nods, and offers comparisons so she can clarify what he's saying and it's like she knows and like she gets it. She tells him that nothing will leave this spot that he doesn't want to take with him and while they've never been close and he's never truly taken the time to know her, he knows she'll keep this promise to the bitter end. Like he knows she always does. She answers when he asks about her own experiences, but noticeably keeps it brief to focus on him. A few things suddenly seem obvious to him, while others still make no sense, and she stops him every time he insists he can't be who he feels he truly is. He fumbles a few times, says he shouldn't be telling her this and she just shrugs and tells him this isn't exactly something she thought she'd be doing either, but now that he's here, she wants to do it. He didn't believe her, but he's still here. And so is she, her full attention on him.

He doesn't get an answer to his question. She can't give him that, he's learned. Yet, he leaves Roxy's territory a little lighter than when he went in. He's learned a lot, about himself and Roxy too. He wonders as he walks if maybe Bonnie rubbed off on her just a little bit. Or maybe she's not as bad as he's always believed she was...

And maybe she's right. If gender is a race, then maybe it's about time he got off the starting line.

#fnaf security breach #roxanne wolf #glamrock freddy #this isn't to say they make friends or anything #just a new respect for each other! #he'll come up with his own way to talk about gender when he's ready he's not sticking to the racing thing #though he does for a while #only problem these two are facing is escaping the others to have these conversations one on one #ya know since they're not ALLOWED to be on their own without at LEAST one other animatronic- #or THREE staff members with them at any time. #and if you're curious... yeah the Minis avoid him like the plague. #they only really come out of the woodwork when he's around if Roxy needs them #which isn't very often #anyway #enjoy the rare freddy post! #just been thinking it could be fun to explore something like this #and I'm not gonna say I'm not trans enough. not starting that train of thought. #whacking myself on the nose with a rolled up newspaper like 'TRANS IS AN UMBRELLA AND YOU ARE AT THE PICNIC BENCH IT'S KEEPING THE RAIN OFF #even so. I don't have a lot of self awareness so I might not have the experience to do it justice? #eh I could try #probably won't do it regardless though. god forbid my brain lets me do anything. #anyway yeah fun post I got carried away with enjoy

[mugeesworld]

One Piece Fans Green & Red Flags!!

I seen someone do this on tiktok and thought I would do some of my takes😋 this is as a joke so don't take it to heart

Also these are HELLA specific so don't ask how I know I just do ok

Green

The one piece fans that are still in alabaster and instead of watching one piece they are scrolling on the tiktok # of it. +extra points if you're already doing fanart of them.

non binary luffy/chopper fans (quite silly people I enjoy your company. You probably have a saved collection of videos of cats with silly sounds. Don't lie to me ik you do)

Asexual Zoro and luffy fans

Platonic Nami and luffy shippers (ya know like brother sister dynamic)

Female plus size sanji fans (cough cough me. But I've seen all y'all out their. You freaky bitches)

Usopp fans (enough said)

People that love the usopp and Nami bestie duo.

Dadan fans (period)

People that make fanart of zoro and chopper being cute

People that draw robin with that one nose shape and also draw her like that one lady from criminal minds.

FROBIN SHIPPERS (RAHHHHH🔥🔥⁉️⁉️⁉️🗣️🗣️)

Trans men Franky fans (you started wearing button ups over t-shirts huh. Elite style and funny as hell)

Female Franky shippers (Bless y'all. Y'all my favs probably. Making the best edits I swear. Probably looking for a man's like Franky cause you kin robin)

LESBIAN NAMI FANS (PLEASE LOVE ME ALL Y'ALLS COSPLAYS BE EATING SO HARD BABES)

Nami x Vivi shippers (yeah😋)

Introverted female robin fans (hit my line)

Female buggy fans

Trans men zoro fans

FEMALE OR TRANS MASC WHITEBEARD STAN'S (very rare to come across. Y'all great but y'all need to heal your dad issues)

People that don't leave out Franky, jinbei, and brook in writing stuff

People that write for Franky in general.(he needs more love)

Marco simps (brave soliders right here. You really picked that mf? Yeah me you. IT'S ABOUT PERSONALITY OK???)

Sanji fans that actually find his training arc fun and not gross

Female Mihawk stans (naughty gal😼 you like them cold)

You know what?! Any trans masc one piece fan that picked a character and was like. Yep! He's literally me! Im literally him!

Jinbei fans (you guys are either sweethearts or middle school boys(the mean kind)

Brook fans that do fanart. (See cause y'all gonna eat every time)

Bon clay fans that actually like him and don't just make fun of him.

I forgot his name. Umm Coby? I think? Yeah Coby fans.

Rayleigh simps (insert sound *I'm so hungry I could eat at Arby's! She really is hungry!* Me too girl me too.)

Same for garp ^

The people that been making the shanks love actions edits 😋

People that make corecore/hopecore edits of one piece

Ik I've said it a bunch but the drawing community that has been carrying the one piece fandom on tiktok. (Ty for blessing us)

Plus size one piece fans +points if you cosplay

That hot old lady that took chopper in and the hot old lady with Rayleigh fans. (Those two would be such good friends and serve some major cunt. Drawers! Get to it you know what to do.)

Red

Sanji and zoro fans that ARE CONSTANTLY BICKERING IN COMMENT SECTIONS ABOUT POWER LEVELS AND BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH SHUT UP

People that feel the need to tell sanji fans about Fishman Island every chance they get as if other characters don't have their red flags. I said it.

That one person in every comment section with a luffy profile pics saying the most absolutely rude or embarrassing thing ever like "post the on IG reels" (you are immature and not in a good way like luffy)

Zoro fans that's also like Patrick Bateman for the wrong reason

"Yamato is a woman" ("we'll actually Oda said 🤓" EHHHHHHHH *family Feud buzzered noise.* GET OUT)

People that shit on the one piece live action cast. (specifically the ones complaining about nami and her sister. BOY I OTTA!)

People that talk shit about big mom just cause she fat. Like babes so is your mom....

People that still watch one piece and try to say how much they love it but are racist, homophobic, transphobic. When one of the biggest things for luffy is to not be judgemental. You are not him⁉️🗣️ you are a asssss

Akianu fans.

MOST black beard fans (I ain't forgiving no one for what he did to whitebeard I'm not hearing it)

"Zoro would kill the whole crew for luffy🤓" would you kill your whole friend group/family for your best friend/mom or dad..... I didn't think so.

People that hate on English dub watchers. I'm a slow reader y'all. Plus it's hella funny.

People that weren't at least a little mad about GARPS actions in marine ford.

Nami x luffy. Robin x Law. And robin x zoro shippers. Also Any gross illegal ones with gross age gaps.

Thats all I can think of right now!

#chubby #chubby y/n #chubby!reader #chubbyreader #one piece #one piece headcanons #sanji #robin #nami #zoro #ronoroa zoro #luffy #luffydmonkey #franky #Shanks #Mihawk #lgbt #Plus size #one piece fandom #brook #Rayleigh #whitebeard pirates #marco #Ace #Dadan #Mugeesworld #Red flags #Green flags #zoro x reader #luffy headcanons

[mod2amaryllis]

just gonna sliiide into your inbox to be like. got any complicated relationship with motherhood recs?? cause I'm👀

👁️👁️ b i s c i a.

the first rec is always for all time The Broken Earth trilogy by NK Jemisin

talk about books that changed my brain chemistry and boosted my writing, especially the fifth season, which pulls a narrative trick with its 3 main character perspectives that still has me reeling and makes me resent the fact that not every protagonist is an exhausted middle aged mother who's haunted by choices and horrors of her own making!!

The Devourers by Indra Das

a take on werewolves that's at times genuinely sickening to read, esp for my body-horror-scawy ass. lot of upsetting themes fyi, like. all the themes. are upsetting. but i was left feeling like I'd just gotten the world's most dire hug. also trans allegory out the wazoo.

i feel like this one is really obligatory like yeah no shit Beloved by Toni Morrison but still: Beloved by Toni Morrison

I've never felt smart enough for this book but i think about it constantly, not just because the contents are so traumatic but the way it's written..... even now i feel like such a dunce trying to say anything about it but it's like. it broke rules in my brain about how books are supposed to be structured and understood. there's a chapter that ends in a stream of thought that's borderline incomprehensible and it's in my head forever.

ok little different now and largely positive mushy gushy mom stuff, but a lot of Brandi Carlile's songs, especially The Mother:

and her whole In These Silent Days album. particularly it's celebrating lesbian motherhood. Mama Werewolf is awesome and introduces that complication that makes me ravenous, but my favorite is her love song to her wife, You And Me On The Rock

there's a song exploder podcast episode about it. she talks about how it's an homage to her good friend Joni Mitchell, how it's about this very feminine love she shares with her wife and daughter (and now also her son) and how she spent some of her youth grappling with that femininity.

speaking of song exploder!!!!!! the episode for Song For Our Daughter by Laura Marling

Laura Marling and her partner don't have children. this song is a hypothetical about the trauma of being a girl and having your boundaries crossed when you're young. but what absolutely destroys me is that there's a string section, which was written by a violinist to whom she gave creative liberty, and in his strings he says, "i wrote this to be the character of The Daughter, so she's here in the song soaring over everything" and it just. hearing the context and then listening to the song........i show this episode to anyone who's stuck in a car with me 25 minutes.

on the subject of music, of course there's Florence + The Machine's 2022 album Dance Fever, particularly King

like hell yeah let's get primal with it

and ok this is gonna clock my grew up as a theatre kid ass but still, to this day, Next To Normal.

listening to this show as a teenager who was just starting to hate my (wonderful awesome love her) mom was like......hoooooo. it blew open the my-parents-are-human empathy. idc about like whether or not this musical lives up to the insane hype it got in the late 2000s it just meant a lot to me personally.

also there's movies i guess! but if you're not already on the Everything Everywhere All At Once train idk what we're doing

then my oldest mom-centric media of all, so old that I'm not even sure how well it holds up to my current person sensibilities, Fruits Basket

the way her death is the inciting incident for everything that happens after, and how she's a ghost that haunts the rest of the story, at times a protective spirit and at other times a traumatic poltergeist, is like. i thought i was a 13yo reading a magical high school romance what's happening to me.

then of course the current rec, Priestdaddy by Patricia Lockwood

Lockwood is a poet and this is her memoir about growing up with a Catholic priest for a dad, something that in itself seems contradictory. it's phenomenal. i can't believe someone exists who's this good at writing. her relationship with her mother is hilariously, tenderly depicted and it's questioning and resentful and loving and there's a chapter about them called the cum queens of the hyatt palace and it's the funniest thing I've ever read

oops too many words

motherhood in media borders on fixation for me lol i don't always seek it out but when it's there I'm like AAAAAAAAH, AAAAAAAH AAAAAAAAAAAAH AAAAAH IS ANYONE ELSE SEEING THIS GRAAAAAHHHH!!!!

........oh and undertale. how could i forget Undertale.

#m2a #m2answers #not tagging all this shit lol yeah right!!!!! #i get into parent stuff in my writing every chance i freaking get #stream joat ch114 The Mother like comment subscribe for more toriel content

[honestmouse20]

I am Back from vacation! Thought on new ninjago season under the cut :)

First off, I just wanna say that I watched it at 6am in my hotel room with headphones while my friend slept next to me lol. So I watched it all again yesterday too. Turns out I'd missed a Lot.

I really loved the pacing in this! Each character to me felt like they all had something to do and it all went towards the plot. Wildfyre learned to slow down and let herself heal, Kai and Nya both learned the paitence and tecnique to do Rising Dragon. Lloyd OFC got a Lot to do with his visions and panic attacks! I really liked how they handled his mental health in this one. Cole being back didn't feel forced! he was there bc Bonzal was essential to Ras' plan. Sora got a ton of development and I do wonder if they'll have her learn spinjitzu in part 2. And of course, Arin. Boy is Going Through it. It's a nice parallel to Lloyd also having a rough time. While Lloyd is haunted by possible futures, Arin is terrified of not being Good Enough to contribute to the team Or to make his parents proud.

This post would be hella long if i rambled about everything i loved in this season But I wanna highlight Some of my favs!

Cole and Geo Constantly holding hands and leaning on eachother (and geo's flashback to s1 being changed so they're holidng hands More)

Bonzle's whole arc and how she's a person now! Hella trans implications and also just a really sweet story when they show that she Does have agency and her creator Does recongnize and care for her

Sora and Arin's dymanic continues to be Really Good! I like how the initial excitement for being a ninja has worn off and they're starting to struggle.

Speaking of Arin, I stg that scene of him and Ras fighitng in the last couple episodes makes me think we're gonna get a dark Arin arc. Maybe he won't Stay evil (I don't want him to be a villan but they Could go that way if they want) but seeing Lloyd's reaction to his student turning sides would be very angsty and Very good

Also Lloyd in this was So good! Even tho he's trying very hard to be a Master and the keeper of the monastary, he's struggling and these visions are only making it harder on him. I'm sure we havn't seen the end of these visions and I'm sorta hoping they'll come to some big breaking point for him in part 2. Where he'll have to drag himself back up and Never Quit despite everything falling apart just like the visions said it would

Once again this show made me like kai again lol. HIs relationship with Nya and Wildfyre is So good and you really can see the similarities in how he interacts with them!

lloyd's power confirmed to be life????

why is no one talking abobut that ? did i read it wrong???

Onto some things i didn't Quite like but definatly didn't hate!

Ras' master is like 90 percent gonna be the Overlord. I'm aprehensive on this bc he's not really my favorite villan. Plus like he was Just the villan in crystalized so i feel like it's too soon for him to come back. once again gonna give this show the benefit of the doubt bc they've done a lto of stuff Really Really well. I'm just sorta hoping it's Not the overlord. Plus the powers were golden and that's Not the overlord's colors

what is timeline?????

i thought the shorts were two years after s1 and that s2 was gonna be between the shorts and s1???? but now the shorts are at the Beginning of the season and ryu is a teenage dragon? how long has passed? If it's been a couple years since season 1, it's a little less believable that arin and sora havn't progressed much fruther in their training. also no one Acts like it's been years?? But if it's Not a couple of years and Ryu just Grew up like that it's still a bit iffy. Ik they probably won't tell us exact times but I hope it's implied or Something bc im hella confused

so, tldr: This half of the season was Fantastic! From the animation being Incredible and the relationships between the characters being super interesting and realistic, this season was a ride from start to finish! I'm excited, and a bit scared, to see what part 2 brings!

#ninjago #d rambles #ninjago spoilers

[apolloanddaphnis]

Fawnskin

Themes: smut, blowjob, Coachella kissing, POC reader, trans reader.

Disclaimer: Not sure if I'm happy with this one.

Part Two

The sun was setting and the cape of night draped Coachella and its crowd in bacchanal melody. I felt like a maenad, I felt overwhelmed in the madness of desire, it hit me so fast and hard like a freight train. But more than a maenad, I felt like the lyrics found their song. I felt so complete in his arms, and under his mouth. Burning, sweltering, my skin was scorching and between my thighs downright tropical and my nipples were so hard I swear they were going to fall off.

But the way he held me, the possessive, ravening clutching of my body, with the way he gripped me, I knew he wouldn't let anything fall but my clothes.

We broke apart only so he could drag me off to the outskirts of the celebration.

I was dizzy in the most mouthwatering way when he kissed me like that. He just grabbed me, his big hands and long fingers seeped through the homemade chains of my dress and rubbed against my skin. I hoped I was soft enough, I hoped I smelled good enough, I just wanted to be enough for him.

His soft, plush lips feel so heavenly and addicting. It's like when I have strawberries and Nutella, I need to have another and another until I'm sick of the sweet treat. I became more eager, my head tilted and his, the pleasurable little brushing of his nose against my face as we're lip locked. His fingers squeezed my exposed backside, kneading aggressively as he pulled me right up against him against his soft, cotton shirt. My breasts squished against his hard chest and his impressive tent against the apex of my thighs.

I lost myself in the electricity of the night, so bacchante-like, my hands moved to his ass and my leg started to rise, move up against his thigh, he half picked me up grinding against me and with a cry from both of us, we fell to the grass. He fell on top of me and parted his lips in an attempt of apology, but with a desperate whine that I think came from me, I cupped the back of his neck, his curls pushed beneath my nails and I pushed his head down to prevent his expression of regret. I stole a hungry kiss from him, my legs naturally parted, the friction of him rubbing his hidden erection against me caused my thong to be pushed to the side, my pussy exposed only to him. He made frenzied, excited outcries, smoldering moans.

"Fuck you're so hot, so fucking hot, and these tits–" he tugged down the dress with tantalizing ravishing. My breasts bounced free and his pupils dilated. He grabbed my breasts with a harsh grip, yet somehow soft enough for me to lean into his touch, with a delicious mix of rapture and orgasmic pain.

"Oh please, Timmy please!" I didn't know what I was begging for, maybe everything and all of the above.

He pressed his face into my breasts. "So soft." He groaned and kissed them, eliciting gasping moans from me.

As he made my head spin and caused me to be more soaked, with his mouth sucking on my nipples, I accidentally knocked off his ball cap as I tangled my fingers in his perfect curls. "Timmy!" I cried out as he sucked particularly hard on my nipple.

He rubbed my hand against his erection and pulled his mouth off of me just to undo his jeans and pushed them down, I gasped seeing his monster of a cock spring out.

His size was shocking, and unlike anything I'd had before, my mouth hung open in response. "Oh my God, that's gonna rip me in half!" I reached for him, I stroked his massive length, it was like a cucumber or an eggplant.

"Do you still want to?" He asked with almost despair in his voice, like the thought of me saying no was something he couldn't handle.

I giggled and began to stroke his girth and he threw his head back with a boisterous moan. He's so loud, it's so hot, seeing someone so wild with abandon, someone wanting me so bad. "Fuck, don't stop keep stroking me like that, your hands are so soft they're so soft you're so soft I need your mouth, please suck me off I'll do anything if you suck me off!" He ranted, he rambled.

My body was completely on high, a pulsating 350 degrees I swear. I got on my knees and immediately took him into my mouth. My eyes rolled back in satiated pleasure at finally having him in my mouth, something I didn't know I needed so badly until now. I moaned around his head the same time he let out a very vocal whine, the vibrations of my moan causing his knees to buckle. He gripped my curls and I squealed around his cock, muffled.

I had one hand on his thigh and the other massaging his very, heavy sac. It was like the change purse of a wealthy Duke in a fairytale. I giggle a little before sucking his yummy thickness again.

"What are you laughing at– Ah fuck! Ah fucking hell!" He exclaimed as I relaxed my throat taking him deeper.

I quickened my hungry mouth, faster I sucked, greedy for his mereticious whimpers and slutty words, and provocative jutting hips.

I wanted to choke on his impressive cock. Drippings of actual puddles of my saliva pooled and soaked his cock, soaked my tits, and caused mud on the Earth below us. I felt so deliciously outrageous, horny and wanton just for him like his own personal sex toy.

I wanted him to use me so bad, I know it's just some one time thing most likely, in the spirit of Coachella but I couldn't think about that now.

"So good, so good, so fucking good to me baby girl, doing so good taking my cock. Look at you on your knees, so fucking gorgeous." He patted my cheek and I looked up at him, he started thrusting faster into my mouth.

I gathered the dripping saliva on my index finger and rubbed it between his cheeks, his breath hitched, his hips moving faster as he tugged on my curls tighter. I rubbed his puckered rosebud and he screamed my name like a prayer, over and over. "Madison, Madison, Madison, fuck! FUCK! So naughty so good so fucking dirty, I'm gonna cum! You want my cum, pretty girl? Want it down your throat, it'll be spilling from your mouth they'll be so much!" He howled.

The sensations, his words, it was overestimating me I swear. Feeling his head hit the back of my throat I let out a muffled cry around his cock and my thighs squirmed as I came, as I released in nature. He filled my mouth with his cum, only a little salty, so smooth and clean. I was so hungry for it, so thirsty for it. I swallowed his big load without taking my mouth off of his cock, he looked down into my eyes, my teary eyes and he whined as he came more. I couldn't believe it, he was cumming again! He just came! But more ropes filled my tummy. One, two, three! Three! Oh fuck.

Finally he pulled out of my mouth, I gasped and panted trying to learn how to breathe again, I think mascara was running down my face and I know my Trixie cosmetics lipstick is just safe to say ruined. I was naked and covered in saliva, cum, and sweat. And not all of it mine.

Would he still want to see me again if he knew about me?

I feel so dizzy.

"Look at you," he said breathlessly, looking ready to collapse.

I smiled because I caused that.

I then started to giggle and Timothée smiled, such an adorable grin with too many teeth. I just wanted to lick every single tooth of his. He pulled me up, I giggled more, feeling dazed.

He pulled me into his arms, so warm and safe he smells like a very sweet cologne, high quality ganja, and sweat. I nuzzled his neck, somehow magically, he was kind of picking me up and pulled me to the side.

He took off his shirt revealing the most perfect, absolutely beautifully, gangly form that romantically made me think of cigarette smoking rock stars getting off stage. He put his shirt on me and my breasts clung to the softest fabric and my thighs and ass made it shorter.

"I think your dress is ruined, puppy." He fixed the hem of the borrowed shirt on my body, his long, dexterous fingers brushing against the top of my thighs, his chest brushing against my breasts. I shivered as he fussed over me.

"It's okay, it only cost twenty bucks to make, maybe less." I smiled and reached up to brush a stray curl out of his face.

He smiled, all teeth, making my knees weak. His Hazel eyes are more green than olive-brown. "I lost my phone, right after Mel's. I was so sad!" I exclaimed suddenly, feeling emotional.

He let out a breath that sounded like relief, maybe I imagined it. "I was so– I thought you thought I was…you know, weird or a dork."

My eyes widened. "No! No, I was so upset, I never thought I'd see you again."

He hasn't let me go, and I didn't want him to. I like how his hands feel on my hips, I like that we were so close that my nose was rubbing against the skin of his chest.

He pulled me closer, his arms wrapped around me and he rubbed my back, forcing my cheek against his warm, perspiring flesh.

He rubbed lower down my back close to my ass. We kind of swayed and the music was wonderfully loud. He touched my hair and I looked down shyly. He took my chin and tilted my face up, forcing me to gaze up at his beautiful face. He kissed me like it was his last, our last. Squeezing my curves and sucking on my lip, soon our tongues tangled before getting sucked on. We kissed until neither could breathe.

We panted into each other's mouth. Foreheads clashed, I couldn't help but look up into his eyes and he looked down into mine. "You're so pretty." He said.

I bit my lip, he looked at me funny. "Thank you." I nearly said I'm not.

"I have a hotel room-"

"Yes."

#timothee fanfic #timothee x reader #timothée chalamet x oc #timothée chalamet #timothee chamalet #trans oc #poc reader

[pansyfemme]

Oh also this isn't like. An ask but you could maybe share your favorites from being on T (if wanted!), but when I finally do start it I am literally so fucking excited for the "rat stache" so many trans guys get. I already *have* one kinda (it's more seeable when up close but it's there!) and like, my friend said too he thinks I'll really rock it when it grows in 8).

Also I so excited for tdick, unwell about tdick but like. That's a given. I wear the fact I'm a tdick lover on my sleeve <3

Oh absolutly!!

I will say i had mixed feelings on my "rat stache" when it first started lol. Well. more like, i liked it, my brother made constant fun of it until i started shaving constantly until he moved out. But around yr 3 on t, my beard and mustache came in so strong i kinda just wanted to see how far i could go with it lol!! I've been growing it out since august at this point, so its def the longest it's ever been, but considering just how hairy ive gotten over the past year, it probably could get a little longer. at this point im not sure if i like the beard or if it's just a get out of misgendering free card lol! But it's pretty reliable for that at least. (still get misgendered like once a day, but yknow. whatever at this point.)

I'm a proud tdick lover myself, so its probably my fave change? i don't need to go into detail bc i dont think ppl want to hear that TBH but i think i'm a little smaller than average and i still feel pretty affirmed with my growth! it's complicated bc im thinking of looking into metoidoplasty in the future so im not rlly all too concerned with my growth considering i'm gonna end up getting surgery anyways but i think ppl underestimate how much it does for bottom dysphoria. It changes the way you view your lower half a bunch!

As for my voice, i think its.. ok? i know you guys probably haven't rlly heard it before but it is what it is. Definitly flamingly queer and gravely in that typical t voice style. It's not suuuper low, not always enough to pass over the phone, but usally enough that people don't question it combined with my appearance. It's the kinda voice where those in the know spot that im trans just from hearing it, but those who aren't trained to the art of recognizing t voices probably just think im a gay dude, which i am.

Even though i enjoy dressing hyperfemininly, i've started to really appriciate my build when im just wearing tank tops and jeans. My dad told me i look so much like queer guys in the 90's dressed like that, which was a confidence boost LMAO. Fat redistribution was hard to visualize when i first heard about it, but it definitly happens. Most of the fat in my hips moved to my stomach and ass, and while it isnt a lot, it's def way more masc than it was before. I never was a particulaly curvy person, just large chested, but my build now is considerably more masculine, paired with top surgery.

My hands also got a bit bigger! tho it's not like. a huge difference and my hands r pretty chubby and not very masculine, it was something ppl around me noticed. not rlly sure how that happened but i was pretty young when i started so who knows!

I will say that my body and face are enough that i dont feel like i need any surgeries on them at this point in time. im not happy with my jawline, but i know a sharp one would look unatural considering my weight so, eh. I'm not against the concept of facial masculinization or body sculpting or whatever but the truth is i just. don't think those surgeries are made for my body type. I may be wrong, but a lot of the surgeries i see for masculinzing torsos need flat stomachs to work well, so im just eh on getting surgeries that im not sure would look natural on me. I have a few more surgeries planned but in all honesty im not certain on the path of my transition past those. I would like a hysterectomy as soon as possible, any maybe if i can, a minor bottom surgery procedure at the same time. I've thought of phallo possibly in the future, but likely not until im out of school at least. but even thats pretty up in the air. and who knows? i could change my mind and get facial masculization or go off t or do whatever, im just not really certain yet, and feel no need to rush into it. Something ive been thinking about a little lately is how i don't think i want to go stealth, but it's kinda nice when people don't know me immediatly as a trans dude, something im just starting to expereince. I never want to be closeted, but sometimes its nice to know im being viewed 100% as a guy, yknow? It's so hard to gauge when cis people actually see me as a man when they know im trans, it's just.. nice to not worry about that sometimes. I think as you get further on t, your ideas of how you want to be viewed change a lot. I never thought i'd be hairy, i thought that wasn't something i'd face, but im not mad that i am. I don't think it makes me any less of a femme. I've also, as i mentioned, become more comfortable with the concept of dressing femme in mens clothes. I didn't know that id still come off as gay and femme when i dressed in just a tshirt and jeans, but i do, it's kinda wild! this has become kinda rambly but i really have valued these past 4 years on t, it's been a whirlwind, truly.

[phoenixfurred]

uhhh small vent that i guess shouldn't be here but everyone on this site is one of god's mistakes so i'm just gonna add a little one of my problems to the pile

ooooook what a great start! it's bothering me that opera gx isn't making funny omori keyboard sounds right now so bear with me. first of all it's raining outside and i'm not strong enough to close my windows so that's great. so here's the deal tumblr. i'm a trans guy aaaand i'd like to be a girl. problem is i hated and still hate being called a girl or identifying as one. but like. i wanna be able to look like a girl without being called one. this post is actually kind of helping me articulate my thoughts a bit better so i can use the design thinking process on it. basically main problem is that i don't pass. i do want testosterone and top surgery but of course that's a lot of work and i don't really want to bother my parents about it. i think if my voice was deeper/more masculine it'd work better? i haven't actually been voice training which kinda sucks cause i do want to, just haven't been motivated to recently. but back to the main problem, wow that's all i have to say. girls are prettier usually and from what i've seen and experienced have more freedom in dressing and such. and skirts are comfy. and i can't wear them. aaaaaaaaaargh

#yeeeeeargh #this is my enemy #transgender #ew #why when i type in ew are so many characters from eddsworld appearing? #i wonder why

[gameside]

Why the hell did they think I was a troll?? Was that a democrat or republican, Because I can't tell but it could very well be either because both sides have some crazy fucking people. I don't even think what I want is that insane, But then again I haven't posted here since my mother finally stopped basically feeding me 24/7 insane propaganda like 'snake people' and shit.

I'm not even against abortion 100%, I just don't think the procedure should be a fucking thing outside of medical reasons!!! Medical reasons being the mother would die from the birth and a pill wouldn't take care of it. Abortion pills work for 15 weeks, AKA 3.5 fucking months!! Thats enough, Isn't it?? I can understand case by case using the procedure if pills aren't working, But gosh!

I'm not giving cops money and cheering them on in the streets, But I'm also not gonna tell them to fucking die!! Saying all cops are bad because there are a few that's corrupted is crazy! I've had cops save my life, I've had them traumatize me as well. Yes, Some are absolutely fucking insane and not ready to be a cop! We don't need to abolish police, (though I would REALLY prefer the alternative of ELECTING A SHERRIF and letting them have a DEPUTY and that be it, The Deputy giving others training to be public servant ect ect or whatever happens with deputies) We just need to give all police officers the same training military gets so they don't accidentally shoot, So they're ready for situations that would require being calm even if they're at gunpoint!! Give them a fucking mental evaluation!!

And don't get me fucking STARTED on school shootings. It could ALL be PREVENTED by giving teachers guns inside of a safe, In every classroom. Mental evaluations every WEEK for the teachers. School shootings are so common now, But when my dad was a kid they had shit like archery practice and he told me that in his entire time there no accidents happened!!! It got banned after some parents complained it 'could be dangerous.' Schools need way more fucking funding and put TRUSTED people as teachers. We need to give our schools the help we can since the fucking government isnt.

And I'm gay, You all know my fucking stance on that. I think being trans is a REAL thing that happens! I think some people would GENUINELY be happier as the other gender, But I think letting children, Who're EASILY INFLUENCED by EVERYTHING!!! I thought I was a fucking zombie because I loved zombie movies!! If I could've chosen I would've LOVED to be PERMANENTLY DISFIGURED to LOOK LIKE A ZOMBIE!! And I would've fucking regretted it later. My entire life I've gone by so many different names. 'Zack' in kindergarten through 2nd grade, And then in 3rd I tried to get everyone to call me 'Rose' And then, In 7th grade, For a while, I used my real name. Then in 9th I told people I was trans and to call me Mark. It's since been changed again, But I don't wanna give out my age, Grade or new name people could identify me irl with. I am biologically a woman (and don't plan on changing that, I just like guy names) and so many times in the past I would have JUMPED at the chance to do hormone therapy, WHICH MULTIPLE PEOPLE WHO'VE GONE ON SAY IS NOT REVERSABLE LIKE THEY SAY, Or to completely transition. The reason so many trans people kill themselves isn't from bullying, It's because so many people make a mistake and rush to cut it off or stitch it on and then realize they'll never be the same, Or they realize that it hurts horribly every day and theres no going back to how they used to be, Or they realize they weren't trans in the first place. Some people just like people someone else online, Being different characters, Or like being boys online and a girl in real life. That isn't them being trans, Its just liking a persona. I probably worded this one weirdly I'll just take asks about it and clarify anything that may have came off wrong

I am autistic and have ADHD, BPD and possibly schizophrenia, So I'm not ableist.

My older sister, Whom I grew up with and love dearly, Is black. I do not find my race superior to any others, So I'm not a racist.

My dad is the most important person in my life, And I want to be just like him, No daddy issues.

Mommy issues though, You got me there haha

I don't hate men, In fact so many times here I've stuck up for them. Equal rights, Equal fights. Equal rights ALSO means whatever a WOMAN does, It's okay for a MAN to do. Single fathers shouldnt get suspicious or dirty looks just for fucking existing with their child.

I don't hate women, I love women (literally I'm a lesbian). I think equal pay is fair if both genders are doing the same amount of work, So like. Basically I think more jobs should be 'You get paid per amount of work' and not 'fuck you guys even if he sleeps all day and does none of the work we pay him twice as much because he's been here long >:('

I have bitches, Usually a new one every week honestly (I start relationships fast, I'm 'pretty' for societies standards so it's easy to get more girls), But I'm settling down for now and I'm actually happy

I don't know why I'm still writing literally nobody asked okay bye

[hollyleaf-understander]

compiling some thoughts so far - I started this blog way too late. readmore break if you care to check it out.

I loved the prophecies begin, obviously. who doesn't. pulpy, action packed, violent, gory, extremely transgendered. loved em. I thought fireheart was a total dickhead to cloudpaw the whole time he was an apprentice and for a fair bit of time after. the naming ceremonies made me tear up literally every time. something that a lot of art touches on but never really seems to do more than scratch the surface is the idea of the power held within a name. other trans people will understand why I say these books are extremely transgendered. I cried several times in each book. firestar is a girl to me.

I did not like the new prophecy. the pacing was really inconsistent, most of the characters felt very flat, I don't give a shit about squirrelflight and brambleclaw. it was fun having different protags in each book, especially switching between the questing cats and leafpool back home in the forest. I think they should have committed to the bit though, and given one whole book to each of the six questing cats. I would have loved to read from crowfeather or feathertails pov. overall crowfeather and leafpool are basically the only cats I gave a shit about the whole time, obviously not including cats from the prophecies begin. there were a couple of fucking good ass moments with the old cats. . I like how the Erin's write a few male characters to be totally clueless dipshits. cloudtail is completely oblivious that he's been rizzing up daisy for like three moons. themes from series 1 made a reappearance but never seemed to carry as much weight. the only times I cried were crowfeathers naming ceremony and [REDACTED] death (and I was fucking weeping let me tell you). book 6 was particularly underwhelming.

I'm halfway through book 3 of power of three right now. the gang just left to go back to the mountains to help the tribe. I'm gonna get windy on this since everything is fresh in my mind.

I love jaypaw. I love hollypaw. I feel like lionpaw is going to be killed unceremoniously. I do not care about him. I love breezepaw. I love crowfeather. I love leafpool and I love cinderpaw. I love that dustpelt is a dick to everyone except his wife. this feels like a return to form after the new prophecy.

the reveal like, 60 pages into book one that jaypaw is blind hit me so good I literally put down the book and walked around the room clutching my head lmao. it was heartbreaking watching him try so hard to train as a warrior and you know he can do it, but every time someone is watching him he fucks up so bad. the fight against owlpaw built up my hope and the fallout of it after knocked it down like a very long game of jenga.

I LOVE that jaypaw hates his job. relatable queen.

I was excited to read jaypaw learning how to live and find a place for himself in a world not built for him, but he's got so many psychic powers and shit that it doesn't even matter. I guess the Erin's did brighthearts training arc and decided that was good enough. that's fine whatever.

Hollypaw is really compelling to me so far - she feels the most dynamic of the three. training under leafpool and almost immediately being like, ah no I was wrong fuck that, then having a legit gender crisis about not wanting to fulfill the clans female-only roles is extremely based. she doesn't really know what she wants - but she definitely knows what she doesn't want. she doesn't have many friends, and the friends she does have seem to treat her as second priority to their other friends. she's the loneliest girl in thunderclan for real. I don't even know who her mentor is, cause even her mentor doesn't really like her that much (is it brackenfur? I think it is).

I already said I don't care about lionpaw. he's a character archetype that has never interested me. I'm excited to read more of the dynamic between him and ashfur evolve - I know ashfur is an antagonist in this series, but it hasn't happened yet.

I have read plenty of spoilers for later arcs, I don't know if bramblestar is dead yet. I really do hope hollypaw becomes clan leader after him. I know she would do a good job.

minimal tears shed so far in the power of three. this could be because I haven't changed my hrt dosage in a while and my moods in general are more stable lately.

#warriors #warrior cats #power of three #hollypaw #jaypaw #lionpaw #talkin bout cats

[rantingcrocodile]

I need to vent. I work for a medical center as a new employee, and we had to do some training videos at the computers. One of the videos was about respecting patients who are from the LGBTQA+2xwhatever, and as a bi woman I immediately thought, "Oh boy, here we go."

It started out innocent enough, but as the video went on and on, I realize it was super heavy on protecting trans people's feelings and identity over all the other acronyms of the group. It talked about NB people, agenders and gender-queer, and of course trans women who are black and living in poverty. I don't have an issue over talking about trans women or trans people in general who DO face issues such as not being able to access high quality medical care just because they don't have a lot of money, but the video seemed very aggressive and chastising and it ended with a snobby "I hope you all learned something from all of this today."

It talked about nothing of the B or the L or the G, except that employees aren't allowed to say the word homosexual, or that bisexuals are attracted to both sexes, instead we have to say that bi people are attracted to more than one gender. It barely spoke about men who have sex with other men, in fact it almost seemed like it was trying it's best NOT to explicitly talk about gay or bi men. Oh, and any attention about bi women and what we go through? Absolutely zero information about it. Lesbians also had nothing, except that we shouldn't assume that a patient's lesbian partner was born a female. 🤡

I'm not gonna lie but I'm just so jaded and envious that the T has ALL OF THIS support from everyone around them while bi people in general have nearly nothing to help us. I've known bisexuals who went through so many horrors in life and nobody makes training videos about us or how to be sensitive to our issues or our oppression. Nobody cries over bisexual women when we get bashed for having a girlfriend or a wife, nobody cries over bi men getting stabbed by murderous straight men, or that we have less money than other people of other orientations and we also cannot always access to high quality care unless we had backup like a rich family member somewhere to lean on.

I feel like I should not complain because I have some privileges in life that makes up for me being born bisexual and a woman, but... I don't know. I was really uncomfortable with what I've witnessed today and it hurts that this is something that is never going to get better for people like you and me.

It's horrible out there for anyone who doesn't solely fall under the T, and there's no support anywhere for bisexuals. If you don't happen to stumble across your own bisexual friend group, you're pretty much screwed.

You're always more than welcome to vent here, but what you are not going to do is minimise how you're feeling.

Privilege and oppression are not mathematics. You can't add and subtract privilege and oppression like a numbers game. They're simply individual points of privilege and oppression that you navigate in your own personal circumstances, and no privilege "makes up" for any kind of oppression. You only believe that because you've been taught that as both a woman and a bisexual that you're supposed to be silent and put everyone else before yourself. Because you're a bisexual woman, that's a double-whammy of demanded silence, obedience and denying your own needs so that you can be trained to serve others. Although it's hard work, you have to break free of that mindset and build your own boundaries.

The second thing is that it is going to get better. Not today, not tomorrow, maybe not a few years from now, but it will get better.

If it's never going to get better, then what's the fight for? Why even care? If it's never going to improve, why not just lay down and take it all? What we go through now is wrong. Unfortunately, because everyone else has (had) their spotlight and we haven't, we have to start from the very basics.

There's a lot of scoffing about activism online, but you can't deny the power in this. I've made friends with people in this space who have admitted to starting by hate following me because they were so entrenched in their internalised biphobia and thought I had to be writing complete trash - right until their lightbulbs went off and they're now more accepting of their bisexuality. Just through conversations. Do you realise how empowering that is? Reaching a single person to relook at their own situation and then actually starting on the path to demanding better for themselves?

If you speak up, then you can make a difference. No single person can change the world, but if you can make a difference to one person, then that's the greatest start that there is. They can help another. It's all one long chain, and we're all links in that, one step at a time.

Have faith, speak up and demand better. When you do that, others will have the courage to speak up too, and then they learn that they can demand better, too.

That's how we make change. Small steps first, and then one day, someone much more impressive and important will learn and have the resources to teach more on a much grander scale.

It's about being realistic, not fatalistic.

#crocodilian answers #<3

[white-chalk-sapphomet]

I was wanting to go for a skilled trade (plumber or electrician) but I've been discouraged from like, all sides bc "being trans and trade workers don't mix" 😒 do you have to face a lot of bullshit?

Honestly, it just depends! When I first started out, I was prepared to keep my head down and follow the 'don't ask don't tell' procedure, but when I was delivering my referral from the union to the counselor at my electric company, she was talking about how some guy in the company would look cute in makeup or drag. So out of curiosity, I basically asked if she thought I'd have any issues as a trans woman, or if I'd have an easier time being closeted.

And she started talking to me about one of their older apprentices named Joel. She said he was one of the best hardworking apprentices they had, and for the longest time she never even put together that he was a trans man. He started experiencing some kind of health problems and just stopped coming in one day, but he's still missed and thought well of.

At my school on my first day, I DMed my training instructor and basically asked him "hey, I know you were talking about feeling dignified and respected regardless of background stuff earlier, but do you think I would get harassed to the point of interfering with my studies if I'm out as a trans woman here?" And during break, he pulled me aside to a spare room and said it was up to me and what I was most comfortable doing.

He said that unfortunately there are still quite a handful of shitheads in the industry. But that if anybody in the school ever made that my problem, that he would make it their problem and remove them from the program. He mentioned one trans guy student who was there some years before who had relatively no issues with harassment. And a different student who got homophibic slurs yelled at him. The guy responsible for harassment was promptly kicked out, but the student being defended felt traumatized enough that they wanted to drop out.

And he shared an anecdote about the employee who was helping their family purchase a new vehicle. One day they came in to be helped, and the representatives new name was Cindy.

I would say in these situations, I'm very fortunate that I'm not the very first trans person a lot of these people have met. But in any industry or anywhere I go, I do have to tend to act as though I am gonna be the first point of contact people make with a trans person and inform their impressions about other trans people whether I like it or not.

For me that unfortunately usually means I can't be too sensitive. As long as my dead name isn't used, I put up with wrong pronouns until I'm positive I've earned everybody's respect. Sometimes they'll ask questions about trans stuff and I do my best to explain a concept or dynamic to them. There is unfortunately still a lot of shop talk between men, but I've had to bite my tongue about some things until I have more equal footing.

I haven't felt too inclined to wear makeup to the construction site, but I'll probably wear it to the company Christmas party or out with other coworkers. I work a strong work ethic and learn as much as I can, and they appreciate having me on the team. At the end of the day, they've agreed that I'm one of them and they'll take care of me/have my back and won't let anybody start shit with me either. If I ever did have any issues, I would be able to take it up with HR, or find work elsewhere through the union without too much trouble. Within the IBEW is also the Electrical Workers Minority Caucus (EWMC) which is meant to help provide resources/organize for women, racial minorities, and lgbt workers within the industry.

So I'd like to say that each time we can make a good impression on somebody, these industries do become more inviting to others like us. I would say that regionally things may be different from one place to another. With my city, I wasn't sure what to expect, so I've always been proceeding with caution. But in the trades, hard work/caring about your job really does go a long long way.

#answered #long post

[stonertransdad]

Life Update since I hadn't been on here in forever

The pandemic was/is wild! Lockdowns started literally around the time we were going to the fertility specialist to get her pregnant. I lost my job to COVID in March shortly before we did the procedure, but we decided there's never really a good time to have a kid. Why not during a global pandemic when one of us in unemployed? (BTW, I don't recommend having a kid during a pandemic. Not being able to go to all of the appointments and having to sit in the parking lot was brutal.)

Let's talk about May friends...it was rough. (TW for mention of suicide btw. I'll post a gif where it's safe to start again if you wanna skip over it.)

So May 1st is the anniversary of my father's suicide. It had been 4 years. I found his body and since he wasn't married, I had to handle his affairs and arrange his funeral. May 1st, 2020 my wife and I had a Zoom game night with our friends and I got drunk because everyone was drinking (except my wife because she was pregnant). After our game night at like 2am, I had a psychotic break. I threatened to kill myself numerous times. My wife tried to talk me down, but eventually called the cops to take me. I thank her for that because looking back, that was the moment I knew something needed to change. I was convinced the cops were gonna kill me because I'm a trans dude in rural West Texas. I legit took the phone out of my wife's hand, hung up on 911, and yeeted her phone across the backyard and tried to hop the fence. Eventually the cops came and talked me down. They took me to the hospital an hour away in handcuffs (for their protection I did nothing wrong). They took me to the religious hospital that I was born in. So when they looked up my info by my name and date of birth from my driver's license (I only changed my middle name) literally all my paperwork and my bracelet had my deadname and wrong gender despite all of my legal stuff saying male with my new middle name. I mentioned it to them and they didn't care. They misgendered me the entire time I was there. I had hit my head hella hard on the bath tub when my wife was trying to snap me out of it, did the hospital even check me for concussion? Nope. I had punched so many things and my hand and wrist were swollen and discolored. Did they check out my hand and wrist? Nope. I was there for over 10 hours before I was able to convince them I was okay and that it was just the alcohol. Did I mention during that 10 hours I was literally out in the hall on a gurney with no mask and this was when COVID was running rampant in Texas (the first time)? I heard people die that night. I had nothing to distract me because they took away all of my personal items and clothes. My wife picked me up and we went home and I have been sober ever since. It's not the first psychotic break I've had with alcohol in my system. Alcohol just doesn't agree with me, but I'm finding new things to replace it with.

TW has been lifted...it's safe now.

A couple of weeks after that I began teletherapy because I had been on the same mood stabilizer and anti-depressant for almost a decade. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense that I felt like it hadn't been working for at least a year. This is a reminder to check in with your doctor if you feel like your meds aren't working. You may just need a different dose or a new med. There's no shame in that. I bounced around on various medications trying to find the right combo, some side effects scarier than others, but we got there. Before this, I had been diagnosed with ADHD, Major Depressive Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. My therapist threw out my Borderline diagnosis and said it was CPTSD instead, which made sense.

Fast forward to December because my wife was pregnant, I was unemployed still, and we did absolutely fuck-all because the global panini was still raging.

Our son was born on December 3, 2020. He weighed 5lbs 9oz and scared the ever loving shit out of us. He wasn't breathing when he was born so they called NICU in ASAP. I'm freaking out because I can hear and see what's going on while my wife was asking if he was okay as they put her guts back in place to sew her up. 5 or so minutes pass and a nurse asks if I want her to take some pictures. I'm like is he okay, he still hasn't cried. She's like "oh yeah, he's chillin." This goon was being held by a nurse and was just looking around not crying or anything. Chillest baby ever (he still is btw). I held him next to my wife's head until it was time to go back to the room. Little dude did have to spend 4 nights in the NICU because he couldn't keep his sugars or temperature regulated, but he was healthy otherwise. He's now 4 months old and is starting to sit up on his own a little bit and he's OBSESSED with standing. He's still a little guy, but very healthy and growing like a weed. He saves my life daily.

So after being unemployed for over 9 months, I started a new job working in a call center. I absolutely hate talking on the phone. It gives me anxiety and throws me into panic attacks, but I had been putting out hundreds of job applications since I lost my last job and this was the first offer I got. I wasn't really in a position to turn it down since my unemployment had ran out 2 months prior. It was 2 months of training, then we'd be on our own. I got thru the training and thought I could handle it...until they started putting us on live calls with someone helping us if we got stuck. My mental health hit the lowest point it had in a few years and my wife was terrified she was going to lose me. She convinced me to quit on February 28th (not because I didn't want to, but because I'm a stubborn ass who felt guilty). My meds got tweaked a little bit more dosage wise during this mess.

Starting about mid-February, I was experiencing severe shakiness, tremors, and spasms. I've always been a shaky person and never really thought too much about it, but at some points I could barely feed myself, or get a drink, or hold my son. On March 7th, I tried to make an appointment with my doctor about the weird symptoms I was experiencing, but she was out of town and her next opening wasn't until the 31st. My body said that won't work and my wife rushed me to the ER on the 9th...I had begun having seizures that day. I had no previous history of seizures. Got to the ER and had a seizure literally as I was walking thru the door, so they rushed me straight back. They took some blood and that was literally it. No MRI. No CT. They pumped me full of Ativan and said it was just a panic attack and to go home and chill.

Spoiler Alert: It wasn't just anxiety. I was having 20+ seizures a day. On the 10th, my wife rushed me to a different hospital...the good hospital over an hour away. First we had to drop off our gremlin with my mom to make things a little easier. Yet again, I had a seizure as I walked in the door and was taken back immediately. I don't really remember much because they kept pumping me full of Ativan and morphine because I had been in excruciating pain from the number of seizures I'd had. I do remember them doing a CT pretty quickly after I got there. Then they weren't happy with the results of the CT, so they took me to get an MRI, which showed possible signs of Multiple Sclerosis (but I didn't find that out until AFTER the notes showed up in my patient portal after being home a few days, so I raised hell...more on that later.) They did a 24 hour EEG on me and it showed nothing abnormal. Also, EEG glue is a bitch on your hair and scalp. After looking at everything and given my previous mental health history, they diagnosed me with Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures, or PNES. It is a subset of Functional Neurologic Disorder, or FND. I couldn't walk well anymore and had to use a walker when I was discharged. I was in the hospital for 3 days.

When I had my follow-up appointment on the 23rd, I asked why the possibility of MS was never mentioned to me since it was very clearly in the notes. The doctor didn't have an explanation. He called in a referral to neurology so I could get a 2nd MRI to confirm MS and marked it as high priority. He also didn't take my pain seriously. My pain levels had been at a 5 or higher every single minute since they took me off of the morphine in the hospital. He told me to keep taking prescription strength doses of ibuprofen and Tylenol, which I had been. I let him know I had been and it didn't even take the edge off the pain. He ignored me. Leading up to this appointment, I had also added urinary incontinence to my growing list of symptoms and was forced to wear diapers so I didn't have to do laundry all the time. The doctor also took me off my ADHD meds because they were lowering my seizure threshold. He also took me off of my sleeping meds and nightmare meds for the same reason I'm assuming.

I kept my appointment on the 31st with my primary doctor because she's been my doctor for 5 years now and I knew she'd take my pain seriously. She did. She immediately wrote me prescriptions for a muscle relaxer and Tylenol 4. She also told me that my referral had been rejected by neuro. She said my case wasn't a good one for what she called a "wallet biopsy" and the doctors in neurology could be real assholes. She immediately sent the referral to other locations to get an approval. I am still waiting on that despite it being marked as high priority. She wrote me a prescription for a wheelchair because we both agreed my wheelchair was not enough for particular days.

Yesterday my wheelchair was finally ready for pickup, so my wife drove me to go get it. I'm still unable to drive due to my seizures and my tremors and twitches as it's predominantly in my legs and arms. I am an ambulatory wheelchair user now. Some days I can go short distances without my walker, some days I can't go without my walker, some days I can't even get out of bed, and some days I will be using my wheelchair. Don't judge a book by its cover, not all disabilities are visible. I have managed to keep my daily seizure count down in single digits and have even had a few seizure free days. They are still incredibly taxing on my body. I feel like I can't ever replenish my spoons fast enough to keep up with anything in my life.

So all in all, life has been chaotic. We are moving from Texas to New Mexico in the next few weeks, which should be interesting considering I can't overdo it without throwing myself into seizures. We will be closer to my mother-in-law so she can help us with our son and I can start resting a bit more on the more difficult days. Being a stay-at-home dad with an invisible illness has been one of the most challenging things I've done in my life, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Sorry this is so long. I just wanted to update my followers since it's been over a year since I posted before a few days ago.

#actuallydisabled #transgender #physical disability #chronic fatigue #disabled #disability #pnes #Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures #multiple sclerosis #trans #ftm #fatherhood #stayathomedad #lgbtq #seizure disorder #mobility aid #wheelchair #tw #spoonie #transparent #chronic illness #seizures #walker #anxiety #depression #cptsd #ptsd #cripplepunk #fnd #functional neurological disorder

[queer-as-frikc]

My coming out story is weird, it gets a lil transphobic so tw near the end tw long post too

So, pretty much throughout my time growing up through elementary school and half of middle school, i grew up in a white middle class area. I didnt know about the LGBTQ+ or anything other than what I saw, which was white people and an occasional poc. Eventually I had to move and I ended up in a super diverse area, and ended up becoming best friends with this person (they are ftm now so imma use the right pronouns but they were f when this story mostly takes place) he told me all about things I didnt know, specifically the LGBTQ+ community and that he was pan, and it was new information so just like any 13 year old learning new things, I questioned myself, I questioned if I could like the same sex or not or possibly more.

Sadly, drama happened between my best friend, his girlfriend and I, so thing got a little weird. But there was a time in winter, when he was off that relationship for more than a month and he said he'd like to date me, and I really thought about it before hand and said yeah, I couldnt tell you how happy I was to have this experience.

I told my mom that night, in a round about way cuz I was nervous, "Hey mom, what if I liked girls?" She told me she doesnt think that I do, because I always expressed feelings for guys, and when I tell her I didnt really understand what being gay was when I was younger, I didn't really know it was a possibility. She snapped at me and said, "Unless you are willing to kiss a girl and do the other stuff, you arent gay at all."

Eventually I have a sit down conversation with her, about how confusing this all was and how I wish I knew how I felt, and so on. She said she had a similar questioning phase but it never stuck so she doesnt think I am.

Like a month later I figure it out and dude that was so gratifying. I came out as bi to my mom, who just dismissed the whole thing, but I was terrified to tell my uncle (it's a long story about that, no it's not "sweet home Alabama") because he always said bi's were wh*res so yeah. I ended up telling him, and he goes, "You know my opinion on it but that doesnt mean that I'll disown you or anything." Btw the relationship (dating wise) with my best friend after he came out as ftm because he went back to his ex, it's all cool tho.

So that was that, or so I thought. It was my first year of high school, and I finally really understood the definition of pan, what was holding me back though was the trans experience, I thought because I didnt know what it was like, I couldnt be pan, even though I didnt have a preference, turns out it just means you like people no matter their gender and it like, clicked finally so yeah. I've told my family about that since but I a similar reaction: my mom said she doesnt think I am and she lectured me on my generation having so many labels and how she hated it. My uncle said he appreciated that I was pan more than me being bi which confused me but he just had a better view of pansexual than bisexual. (I explained to both of them what the difference was but idk man)

I believe it was my second year of high school when I really started to question my gender, and that was mostly because I saw a video of what gender dysphoria looks like if it's not that strong and you arent aware for ftm. So like wearing bagging clothes all the time, always wearing sports bras, and practically no other bra, feeling really good if someone accidentally calls you sir, etc. And I was like, oml it's me. But it wasnt, I didnt find that out until later tho. So, with my friend group, I find a name that seems to fit me well and ask them to address me by it and he/him pronouns, as like a test of sorts. (All of my friends are gay in some way so it was cool) In the end tho, I got a little iffy about the whole thing and wouldnt ever correct them at times or it was just off for me. I felt really bad because I thought that they might have thought that I was just trying to force myself to be more like them, but I wasnt, i still felt bad though and kinda dropped it.

I'm not sure 100% how I figured it out tho, but I remember talking to my best friend (not the same one from middle school, they were my best friend as well but they arent the same person) about the whole experience and I believe they brought up the idea of genderfulid, and I was like :0.... what that. They explain it, you go aall over the gender spectrum, some days you might feel like a boy, others you might feel like you have no gender, some days you might feel like your gender is something completely weird and different, that's just what it is. And I was like, "It fits but like, I barely feel femme at any point in time, maybe like once a year." And they tell me, that's ok and stuff as long as my gender just decides to be a completely weird and went all over the place, it counted, so I was like, "I finally figured it out!!!" And i was so happy.

Then came the time I was comfortable enough to tell my parents. I had been using the label genderfuild for over half a year already and I thought that it was what I was so it was ok to tell them. I saw how ok me being gay went, so I was nervous but not as nervous as I should have been, probably. I told my mom first, she went on a similar rant of her no liking my generations labels and such, but it went fine, I explained it, I thought I was through, I thought I was fine, apparently not. One day I'm in the shower and I hear my mom being very expressive with what ever shes talking about to my uncle, which is fine, she needs someone to vent to sometimes. When I get out though, and I can here her clearly, I hear sees complaining about what I told her recently, that I'm genderfulid, but instead of saying that, she only says I want to be a boy. (Oh no) So shes complaining to him, asking why I cant be more like her and just be a masculine girl and be fine, why do I have to fit in with the crowd of my generation to feel special, why cant I just be fine with who I am now? Etc.

The sad thing is, that night, I was going out shopping for pants and underwear with my uncle because I needed some and I wore men's pants already at that point, because they are more durable, and stuff so I knew it was gonna be a long ride. My mom was snippy with me that whole night, just the entire time which sucked.

When we finally left to go get clothes though, I didnt know it could get worse. My uncle lectured me about how that's just my generations fad, and how his was making tattoos and piercings ok in the work place and mine is being trans a gay and all that crap, and that I'm just trying to fit in, I'm not being myself, no matter how much I chop myself up and cut my hair and take hormones my chromosomes will never change and so I can never be an actual guy. He also said that I would bring just more attention to myself being a woman who does guy things rather than try and be one, and he thinks I'm doing this all for attention. I was mad but silent at this point, I didnt want to cause anything to happen. He ended up asking me, "So did you pick a different name?" I was surprised but I said yeah, and my friends were using it and it seemed to fit better. He asked me what it was and fear over took my body. I told him, "I'll only tell you if you dont use it against me if your mad." He says, "i cant promise that." And then gets mad because I wont tell him. Though I do, because I feel obligated since hes buying me clothes. To be even more confusing, he buys me guys underwear, and undershirts along with the predetermined pants he promised me and now I'm so confused.

But it gets even worse. When we get home, my mom freaks out on him because be bought me all that mens stuff and she said he was encouraging my behavior and stuff, he defended with it's just clothes, and yah it is. Eventually things settle down, obviously my mom isnt talking to be, but that's for the best at this point. I'm in the living room with my uncle and he just then starts harassing me with questions like, how do you know? he asks. "Well, I just feel that way, same as you." I say. But why do you wanna be a guy? he asks. "I dont wanna be a guy, it's just weird that way. Also it's not me being a guy, it me being many more than that," I say. He says that's bullsh*t. I offer to show him videos that better explain what trans is and how it's an actual sciencey thing and stuff but he said he wont take a video because he wants me to say it. And then he just goes off, saying the name I picked out shows how self centered I am because I am selfish, he kept asking me if i liked to fight, to catch and play with bugs, to be strong, to be angry all the time, and all these stereotypes for men and I just left, and went to bed. He wasnt going to listen to me, so there wasnt a point to me staying.

But, it gets worse. The morning comes and I'm awoken by the slam of my door by my uncle and the laughter of my mom. My uncle starts being really aggressive and starts cleaning my room, I only have clothes on the floor mostly so that's all it was, but he starts saying, well if you're gonna be a man, imma start training you like one, the man of the house picks up after everyone, the man of the house does everything he can to help the house run smoothly, the man of the house has to be strong, and all that stuff. (Which I thought was funny because he was "the man of the house" yet I did everything, and still do. I clean up most after him, funny huh.) And, I know what's happening and so I stay in bed, I don't want this to happen. But I literally get ripped out of my bed by my uncle and get told to stop being a little b*tch and a brat because I'm being selfish by my mom and I'm yelled at to sit in the living room and wait while my uncle cleans my room. When hes done hes starts lecturing me and being all aggressive and in my face. He keeps asking me a million questions with the tone that he didnt care so I knew he wouldn't listen. Eventually, him and my mom leave, I'm told to stay there until I get back. When they do get back, they act like everything is fine, nothing happened between them and I and it's just been so hard for me to talk to them about that since.

I'm greatful that I dont have to deal with that anymore but every time something that that is brought up with my family, I panic so much now. I'm fine and I'm safe but it was very traumatic for me. And uh, thanks for listening.

hey, thank you so much for sharing your story. this was just. so heartbreaking. noone deserves to have a person like your uncle in their life. im so sorry you had to go through all of that. i hope you’re in a much better place now <3 (also i loveeddd reading about how you figured it out) =)

again, tysm <3

#transphobia #transphobia tw #biphobia tw #abuse tw

[thebraingremlinsaremad]

Daily Blog #15: August 22, 2021

Dollar Tree is honestly pretty fucking awesome 👌👌👌

I set my alarm for like 6:25 this morning, but it took 6 minutes for the "Horsin' Around" theme song instrumental to wake me up. I was pretty tired lol. I just dismissed it and went back to sleep.

I only went back to sleep because I knew I had another alarm set for 7:00. That got me up.

I should mention that this was still in the RV over an hour away from the house.

After I got up, I went to go get a shower, and did so successfully.

Unfortunately, I had forgotten my brush this time and had to do it afterwards after my hair had a bit of time to dry, which did make it a little more difficult lol.

I got dressed and grabbed my stuff, putting it into my car.

I made it a point to see and say "see you later" to my grandparents before I left for the flea market.

My dad insisted that I stayed to say goodbye to my mom, so I left.

I did NOT have cell service up there, as was mentioned in my previous 2 blogs of which I could only post today, so finding my way was a tiny bit difficult until I got some service to ask Google to take me to "...".

It worked and I got there.

On my drive, I listened to 1 by Simple Kid, a CD I had previously purchased at a Dollar Tree location.

I got a call from the guy at the flea market saying that I had some people there waiting for me. He asked how far away I was, to which I said "about 10 minutes." Ironically, that call made me miss my exit, as Google couldn't talk during the call, and added about 3 minutes to my arrival time lmao.

I did sell the Xbox that he said someone was interested in. I got $40 for it. I spent 27¢ on it. Pretty good return if you ask me.

I couldn't sell it with anything other than a power cord because the controller and AV cables I had been using to play it there were for my personal console. I'm just glad I can actually hook my Xbox up and stop having to drag them to the flea market along with a small library of games.

Not too long after I sold the Xbox, someone came in and asked if I wanted to see some electronics he had in his car. I went out with him. It was a pair of 3ft speakers and a Pioneer audio system with dual cassette decks (although neither of them works) and a 25 Disc CD-changer, as well as the standard AM/FM tuner. Additionally, there was a Fisher amplifier and AM/FM tuner as well as a Fisher Direct Drive turntable. He said he wanted $60 for em, but before that he casually, and probably accidentally, dropped that he was just gonna take em to the thrift store.

Big mistake.

I got em for $35 lmao. THERE GOES MOST OF MY PROFIT.

Oh well.

I tested everything. As I mentioned, the cassette decks don't work, but everything else does apart from the turntable needing a new stylus.

I posted some new photos of the shop to Facebook, and someone soon DMed me about a stereo system.

I priced everything, and it turns out I have about $300 worth of equipment from that deal, the Fisher amp and tuner being worth about $150.

The buyer will hopefully show up next weekend, for he wants to buy the Fisher stuff ($185 with the turntable), the 3ft speakers, an 8-track deck, and a Kenwood deck we've had for a week or two.

The speakers are listed for $50 (and are worth around $100-150), the Kenwood Deck for $50 as well, and the 8-track for $35. That makes it about $320 in equipment. Since he's buying so much, I'll knock it down to $270 and essentially give him the speakers or cassette deck for free lol.

Apart from that stuff, not much happened at the flea market. I sold some records, cassettes, CDs and I think 2 DVDs. One person bought a VHS tape? That money was the other guy's though. Oh well xD.

I can't say that I didn't miss my wonderful partner while on the trip. I actually brought along the stuffed animal they gave me (who's name is Greg) and snuggled with him both nights.

I was very happy to hear from them UwU.

They let me rant and I let them rant.

I honestly give them too much responsibility over me xD. I'm like, "Okay, I'm gonna do this. HOLD ME TO IT."

I know I can't hold myself to anything I personally say (this blog being the only exception apparently), but I listen to them pretty well I think 🤔. If they tell me, "No, you don't need that VCR," so long as it's not some weird specialty thing, like a worldwide VCR 🥵, I'll be like "Yeah, you rite bro."

I love you man xD. You control my craziness pretty well. I'm so thankful for you UwU.

#relationshipgoals

So part way through the flea market day, I went over to Dollar Tree to buy some snack, but ended up looking through the CDs to see if there was anything good. I took photos of about 18 CDs and flipped through them online for the remainder of the flea market day.

I deleted the photos of the ones I didn't want and kept those that I liked. Surprisingly, I ended up buying 13 CDs there, but not before dropping them on the floor like the dumbass I am.

Also, sorry for all the nerd shit I spilled on your lap earlier. No one cares about amps and tuners xD.

I'M LISTENING TO ONE OF THE DOLLAR TREE CDS RIGHT NOW THO.

I already transferred over to my online library on iBroadcast and put the disc into my CD changer, which is now holding 164 CDs.

Its max capacity is 300 discs 🥵

WHY AM I NERD

Oh well

I like being a nerd gurl

Also maybe a technosexual 👀

I get really excited over some electronics. Like. REALLY excited.

Some editing VCRs are like "Holy shit that is SEXY. Look at those goddamn VU meters 🥵. And hhhh there are like 7 inputs on this thing and individual controls for left and right audio gain, not to mention Hi-Fi S-VHS recording. Hhhhhhhhhhh please gimme 😭. Why are you so expensive?"

I uh, mean, uh, *cough* look, pretty lights.

Oh yeah, I was gonna say the album I was listening to xD. MAN I GOT SIDETRACKED.

It's 37 Everywhere by Punchline. Def give it a listen; it's pretty heccin good.

Another notable album I picked up was Page One by Steven Page. I very much like the first track, "A New Shore." It's quite catchy and he has a great voice imo.

Also at dollar tree, I bought a regular bag of Fieras and 2 bags of Fieras Sticks, which were marked down to 75¢/bag because they're expiring soon.

I honestly like the generic Dollar Tree version of Takis more than actual Takis. They're a lot more flavorful when it comes to the lime, but also hotter at the same time.

Don't get the hot nacho ones tho. Hot nacho? More like hot pile of shit.

HAH

Goteem.

They're not that good xD.

THE REGULAR ONES ARE FIRE THO

"How do you do fellow kids?"

I got home and started working on putting the CDs onto my computer, and then onto iBroadcast, but not without first adding The Music Man to my digital library, something I had neglected for a month or two. The CD had just been sitting there lol.

I also switched my digital file for "The Black Parade" to that of the uncensored CD, which I had purchased before I event started working over 2 months ago.

MAN I'M LAZY

I eventually get around to shit tho lol. I guess it's just a matter of priority.

What usually takes priority is digging through everything to find something that I forgot about but then remembered, making a mess in the process that I would then have to clean up, at least partially.

I think the album just ended. I've been writing for a while xD. I'ma start "I Made You Something" by The Island of the Misfit Toys.

I'll tell you where that album came from in a minute.

In the meantime, where was I?

I kinda lost my train of thought despite reading up to see where I was. Oh well. On I go.

I ate dinner and kept working on those CDs, eventually putting my clothes from the week into the washer.

I FORGOT TO PUT MY SHAPING UNDERWEAR IN. FUCKING HELL MAN.

I wanted to wash em for this week 😭

No tight pants for Leonna I guess qwq.

Meanwhile, the box of my CD album cases is overflowing. I need another box.

I keep all of the album artworks in a big CD folder. That's almost full.

I wanna fill my entire CD changer. That's one of my big goals in life. Idk why, but I just wanna legitimately fill the entire thing.

My clothes are in the dryer now. I don't think I have the time (or energy) to fold them tonight. I'll leave that for tomorrow morning before work.

And God. Fucking. Damnit. I start school again on Wednesday. NOT looking forward to that, and neither are my 2 coworkers. We already have low enough staff, but only the two of them working is gonna be a pain in the ass.

I'll still work Saturdays.

I need to contact my guidance counselor to get out of the gym class I signed up for. I scheduled this shit before I found out I was trans, and I don't wanna deal with the fucking locker room situation 🙄 I have far more important matters.

Okay so anyway, the album I'm listening to came from a cassette. I bought this cassette a few months ago at the flea market along with a few others. The reason I bought them? They were all newer cassette releases from the 2010's, and they're all actually pretty good music from very indie bands.

Currently getting mad at iBroadcast's compression algorithm. It's unnaturally fucking anything over -10db up. Oh well, there's not really anything I can do about it.

I have like 13GB of music on my phone btw. That's about 3.5k songs on 268 albums.

I'm kind of an audiophile, but I'm too cheap to pay for a lossless service. Oh well.

They do actually have a lossless service on iBroadcast, but once again, too cheap.

Someone just sent me a friend request who legitimately posted that BLM and the democratic party are hate groups.

BLOCK.

Goodbye ho.

I don't get that. They call the democratic party a hate group when they hate people like me, and I, being more of a democrat although not fully because the 2-party system is fucked, think nothing more of them than they're very wrong about certain things, especially, as shown, that black people, as well as asian, Indian, native, and people of all ethnicities and backgrounds, are not equal to white people.

Yeh.

Totally.

You go buddy.

Anyway, yeah, I can, and do, convert music and video from analog formats to digital files in order for me to archive and listen to whenever and wherever I please. I've actually made a bit of a business out of it, but I don't get too much work from it. At least I'm not overloading myself xD.

I honestly have so much more to say, but I should probably go to sleep soon.

A few final shoutouts to the following people and companies:

-Dollar Tree

-Steven Page

-Broken World Media

-The Island of Misfit Toys

-Simple Kid

-Punchline

-My incredible partner QwQ I love you so much. Thanks for being the best all the time. I hope I can give you the best life ever.

Anyway I suppose this is goodnight. Lmk if you want a full list of the CDs I bought today! I'll link that song by Steven Page here.

And here's a good song from Simple Kid

I really like music lol. Enjoy these pieces.

Anyway, goodnight lol.

Lots of love,

-Leonna.

#Trans #Lgbtq #blog #daily blog #Dollar Tree #Dollar CD #Dollar Tree Cd #receiver #pioneer #fisher #audio #music #CD #cassette #iBroadcast #nerd gurl #nerdy girl #ramble #rant #please read this to figure out what my life is like even though it quite honestly doesn't matter at all but might still be kinda interesting #Spotify

[bubbyleh]

I See La Vie en Rose - Chapter 5

cw for mentions of an attack. no specifics are given, but if that’s bad for you, skip coomer’s whole speech.

Chapter 5: Something About You

Darnold closes his old notebook with a sigh. “I got nothing. What about you?"

"Uh." Tommy looks down at another notebook. "Potion of taste good?"

The two of them are sat on the floor of Darnold's apartment next to a bookshelf. Sunkist lays next to them, snuggled up next to Darnold and every so often offering him a kiss.

Tommy may be a little jealous of the dog.

"No, that won't work," Darnold laments. "I based some of my first experiments off that one." He sighs and falls against Sunkist, who offers a few happy licks and tail thumps. "What else is in there?"

Tommy flips through a few pages. "Potion of- of levitation?"

"We are not inventing fizzy lifting juice."

"Potion of grapes?"

"That's, er… that's actually really dangerous. It turns things into grapes."

Stifling a grimace, Tommy looks forward in the book until something catches his eye. "Potion of… trans your gender?"

"Oh," Darnold's eyes widen, and he shoots up and snatches the notebook from Tommy. "I'm… I didn't realize that was in there." He hugs the book close to his chest.

"No, I- what does it- it do?" Tommy can't help but ask.

Darnold stammers. "I, uh… when I was younger, I had some issues during surgery, so I wanted-" He takes a deep breath. "I wanted a different option."

The implications of what Darnold says hits Tommy like a train. "That's the- the recipe for a transitioning potion?"

It may be that Tommy’s excitement is contagious, but something seems to assure Darnold, to spur him on. “Yeah! It… it doesn’t work immediately, takes a few doses, but…” He smiles to himself, placing the notebook down between himself and Tommy. “It was one of the first potions I made.”

Tommy’s brain is thrown for another loop, because holy fuck. “You made this?”

Darnold laughs nervously and rubs the back of his neck. “It’s not perfect, and I should really revisit it one of these days, but it works!” He sighs. “People don’t really like buying potions from strangers online, you know? So the potion of trans your gender didn’t really take off.”

The way Darnold looks towards the ground, biting his lip to stop himself from saying anything more. His complete and utter dejection breaks Tommy’s heart, and without thinking he grabs Darnold’s hands.

“This is the- the most incredible thing I’ve ever heard of!” Tommy says. He pauses before adding, “I wish I had that potion.”

Darnold blinks. “Really?”

With a smile, Tommy nods. “Really.”

They keep reading through the notebooks together. It takes them half an hour to realize that they’re still holding hands, but neither of them say anything.

☆○☆○☆

These days, it’s rare to find Coomer without Bubby right by his side. With the increasing cultist activity the last hundred or so years, the two of them spend most of their time tracking down any camps together. And when they aren’t doing that, they’re probably somewhere being the bane of someone’s existence.

But Coomer’s the one who finds Tommy, sitting upside down in his chair next to the Viewing Pool and staring at the pavilion ceiling. It’s really more of a throne, but Tommy doesn’t care much for it. It’s just a stone that he sits on sometimes.

“Ah, good afternoon Tommy!” Coomer shouts, stopping in front of him. “You know, you’re a little early for the meeting later.”

Right. The meeting. Tommy’s pretty sure he already knows how that one’s gonna turn out.

Tommy shakes his head. “I’m not- I’m thinking.”

“Oh? What about?”

Tommy looks at Coomer, who’s beaming down at him as if something’s funny. And, weirdly, for the first time in his life, Tommy thinks, ‘Maybe Coomer can help me with this’. He’s so off put by it that he almost doesn’t ask.

Almost.

Tommy swallows his pride. “It’s, uh… You met- met Bubby when you were mortals, right?”

“Oh, what memories!” A twinkle appears in Coomer’s eye, and he sits down next Tommy, leaning against his chair. “Is there a reason you ask?”

“Why did you- how could- even-” Tommy stumbles over himself.

Coomer places a hand on Tommy’s shoulder, even though it’s quite an awkward angle. “Take your time, Tommy.”

Might as well just say it. Tommy sighs. “Mortals die.”

In an instant, Coomer’s cheerful smile fades away. “Ah, I see. This is about your boyfriend Darnold, isn’t it?”

“He’s not my-”

“Hush now, Tommy.” Coomer points at Tommy, but quickly his attention is elsewhere. He’s… scanning the area around them. “Good, nobody is here. Dear Bubby would hate it if he knew I told you this.”

Secrets.

Coomer is about to tell Tommy secrets.

And just like that, Tommy is sliding out of his chair to sit right next to Coomer, because no way is he missing even a second of this.

“The first time I met Bubby, I was immediately infatuated with him.” Coomer smiles to himself. “You should have seen him in his prime, Tommy. The strongest and most promising mage I had ever met, and for some reason I’ll never understand, he would spend time with me! Some random knight, barely any magic to my name…”

His tone shifts, barely. “He would have changed the world, back then, I know it.”

Tommy doesn’t like that.

“There was an… incident, you see,” Coomer chooses his words carefully, but he quickly starts spiraling. “I didn’t hesitate for a moment, I had to save Bubby, but-!” He stops himself. “Sorry, that- you don’t need to hear about that.”

Wouldn’t be the first time Tommy's heard that.

“Bubby was injured. Those fiends,” Coomer mutters the last bit. “They had it out for him after that, in part for revenge. But his magic was never the same. He couldn’t defend himself as well as he used to, he-” Coomer pauses. “I chose to stay by his side, and he chose to let me.”

“Uh, I don’t-” Tommy frowns. “I don’t understand.”

“Tommy,” Coomer grabs his hands, and it’s kinda nice. It reminds him of when he was a child. “I knew that staying with Bubby, I may see him hurt, or worse. But I’d been through quite a bit by then, enough to know that I could never forgive myself if I didn’t at least try.” Coomer looks him dead in the eyes. “So try, Tommy.”

Try.

Something flutters in Tommy’s chest, like butterflies. He nods. “Okay. I’ll- I’ll do that. I’ll try.”

☆○☆○☆

Before the meeting, Tommy sent Sunkist off to watch Joshua while the grown-ups talked. Which, Tommy thinks, was an

excellent

idea, because now neither of them are here to witness the shitshow that is the divide between Gordon and Benrey’s work life and their home life.

“None of you guys tell us anything!” Gordon shouts, waving his arms in exaggeration. Unlike everyone else, he’s standing in front of his seat.

Benrey scoffs. “I tell you loads of things.”

“Yeah? Like what!?”

“Liiiiiiiiike… I love you,” Benrey practically sings.

Gordon’s eye twitches. “One of us is heading down there tomorrow, and you won’t even-” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “What did they do that was so bad that society basically got FUCKED two-thousand years ago!?”

A silence hangs over them, a silence so loud it’s basically ringing in Tommy’s ears. He sits up, because maybe, just maybe, Gordon got these nuts to crack.

“Who’s heading down?” Bubby questions, clearly steering the topic away.

Tommy slumps back down in his chair. Of course.

Coomer claps his hands together. “Wonderful question Bubby! I do believe it’s either Gordon or Tommy’s turn.”

“That- you guys,” Gordon tries, but he’s clearly lost his steam. He falls back into his chair.

“I, believe it’s. Tommy’s turn,” Gman says.

Tommy sighs. “I, uh, can’t. I have a- a lunch thing tomorrow.”

“Lunch thing,” Gordon mutters under his breath. Seeing nobody volunteering, though… “Fine. I’ll cover for you. But you’re taking the next one.”

Tommy grins. “Thanks.”

The silence is back. Tommy can feel that everyone’s eyes are on him and Gordon, and it would be uncomfortable if it wasn’t how most meetings ended these days.

“Actually, you know what Tommy?” Gordon slaps his thighs and stands. “I think it’s time to put Joshua to bed. Do you think you could help me convince Sunkist to give him up?”

Tommy can’t hide his disappointment. Why does he let himself get his hopes up everytime that they’ll say something? He should be used to this by now, but it must just be in his nature to desire information.

“Yeah,” Tommy rises from his own seat.

The two of them walk out together. They try to ignore the fact that, once they’re far enough away, they can hear the others start talking again, even if they can’t make out what they’re saying.

“It sucks, man,” Gordon sighs. “I mean, they’ve been doing this ever since I ascended. Were they ever frank with you?”

Tommy shakes his head. “Not- not really. This has been my whole life.”

Gordon laughs, but not in a way that sounds at all happy. “It’s funny. When I first started dating Benrey, I thought, man, finally these guys are gonna tell me stuff! So I’m not just running around blind down there.”

“How’d that- that turn out for you?”

“Benrey and I have been together for thirty years,” Gordon says. “What’s tonight tell you?”

Hm.

Tommy watches his feet as he walks.

#hlvrai #half life vr but the ai is self aware #sodashipping #frenrey #hlvrai boomer #tommy coolatta #darnold #my writing #i see la vie en rose #ajkfdsk i didn't eat dinner im gonna go eat fruit loops #hlvrai gods au

[mrmallard]

Top 10 Favorite Lyrics of 2020

This list might seem esoteric, but 2020 has been a turd on a plate and music has made me feel a lot better this year. Sometimes specific lyrics slap harder than the rest. It's lyrics like these that kept me going in 2020.

So here's a list of some of my favorite lyrics from the year and why I like them. These songs aren't necessarily from 2020, they just resonated with me this year.

I should warn you - this turned out to be an incredibly personal post for me. I touch on lyrics that I view as possibly pertaining to the trans experience, and whether that's a viewpoint I'm qualified to talk on. If that's a particularly touchy subject for you, I recommend proceeding with caution. I also mention abuse in one entry, and how it affects me years later.

I really cannot stress enough how personal this post got, so keep that in mind if you decide to continue reading.

10: "Kiss me goodnight / like a good friend might" - Sara Bareilles, 1000 Times

All cards on the table, I'm in love with a good friend of mine. TL;DR, that's probably why this lyric speaks to me.

That's a bit reductive, so here's why I love it so much - this lyric is sodden with yearning, even without taking my circumstances into account. The entire song is about living with an unrequited love, and this expression of that just hits me in the chest like a sack of bricks.

The reason I love this lyric so much is because of how soft and vulnerable it is. It's an amazing cooldown after how passionate the chorus is, and it feels like the most earnest, genuine expression of this feeling ever.

This lyric sums up that feeling when you're with someone you really like, and you're hoping - praying - that they'll close the distance with an affectionate action. Maybe you want them to play with your hair. Maybe you want to feel their hand linger on yours for a moment. Maybe it's late, and you're tired and a little drunk, and in that moment that you make it to bed for the night, it would make your heart feel indescribably whole if they leant down and gave you a chaste, affectionate kiss on the cheek. Nothing more - just that simple act of contact, an affirmation of affection.

This is a good song about yearning, and this is the lyric that really sums it all up.

9: "Called my friend in New York / 3,000 miles away / halfway through her metamorphosis / nothing I could say" - The Mountain Goats, From TG&Y

This is the first of multiple Mountain Goats entries. I'm gonna go into a bit of a tangent about them later on, but for now I want to focus on the lyric.

From TG&Y is a song about wasting away in a town that's taking you down with it. It has lyrics about huffing spray paint and vomiting blood, and John Darnielle sings about holding on to your dreams until there's nothing left to hold on to. It's an incredibly bleak song, and it's one of my favorite Mountain Goats songs because of that - it sums up an unhappiness in me that I've felt for over a decade.

This lyric is a moment of respite. After the soul-crushing day that the protagonist has had, they call up someone dear to them. The situation reads as awkward to me - clearly there's a lot of affection for this friend and the process she's going through, but it's hard to bring up. Their awkwardness is another misfortune, but it comes from a good place.

My take is that the protagonist's friend is a trans woman, and the protagonist can't find the right words to say about it. It's awkwardness born of distance, not of ignorance, and it's another side effect of the town he lives in. But he loves her, and in the midst of his rapidly declining life in this shithole town, it's such a blessing to hear her voice. If only he knew what to say to her.

8: "And the funny thing about it is / despite how much time I spend hating it / it never says a bad thing about me" - Tim Minchin, Not Perfect

I got into Tim Minchin this year. I like his moody, melancholy songs like this the most, though I also like his songs about religion. This is my second favourite song of his, behind White Wine in the Sun.

Between all the bluster of his sillier songs, he has this incredibly sensible song about the life we live. From the world we live on, to the brain we ultimately reside in, it's a look from the outside in through to the inside out and it makes some incredibly pertinent points about the human condition.

The "it" in question is about his body. It's not in its best shape ever, and he often tries to fill it up with wine - which is in itself a multifaceted lyric, being a silly jab at himself as well as a deeper statement about his wellbeing.

But his observation about the brain rejecting the body as opposed to vice versa is what really stuck with me.

My takeaway was that our body is essentially a stupid meat suit that obeys the will of the brain. And when it doesn't match the self-image of the brain, we resent it. Our body is an extension of ourselves, and it's incredibly upsetting when our idealised image of ourselves isn't reflected in the body we reside in - and that leads us to self-harm. That's super fucked up.

I adore this lyric for highlighting the relationship between the physical and mental self. It makes me want to better myself more than a thousand PSAs ever did, because it makes a pertinent point about what I'm damaging. It's me, but it can't fight back when I want to hurt it.

7: "Her body's a difficult sister / and she loves her" - The Weakerthans, Exiles Among You

As I was writing the first draft of this list, something came to a head. I feel like I have to explain where I'm coming from for this lyric, especially after the last two lyrics, so please bear with me.

I perceive this lyric to be about a trans woman. "Her body's a difficult sister" scans as potentially trans to me, and I find it heartening that despite the difficulty her body poses at times, the main character loves herself. It ties into Not Perfect in that regard, which was the catalyst that resulted in the way I view this lyric.

While it can potentially be viewed through a cis or a trans lens, the trans lens speaks to me more. And that's what I want to talk about.

Between this lyric and From TG&Y, I'm worried about how I sound when I'm talking about trans people. This lyric is arguably the biggest stretch in favour of a trans viewpoint, and the context of the lyric can be considered to deal with dysphoria due to that - and as someone who is known as a cis man, as opposed to a trans person, I'm worried that my viewpoint is off-base to the point of being harmful to individual trans people and the trans community as a whole.

I want to be as transparent and respectful as possible about my interpretation of song lyrics through a trans lens. My intentions are good, but I feel the need to explain myself when I haven't had a lived trans experience. That in itself is a valid enough reason to discard how I'm approaching this, but I want to make my feelings known.

For the last few years, I've been thinking more and more about the trans experience. I don't necessarily have an issue presenting in the way that I do, being AMAB, but I'm empathetic towards the challenges faced by trans people. One potential reason is because I was bullied from the start of school through to the end, so I empathize strongly with people and groups who are othered for their intrinsic personal identities - but I think it goes deeper than that in this case.

When I see something positive about the trans community in particular, I get a sense of emotional fulfillment that I don't really get from anything else. Gender euphoria sounds like bliss, for example - the fact that it exists and that people feel it makes me feel incredibly happy. I'm empathetic for and supportive of gay, bi and ace people, among other gender identities and sexualities, but I don't necessarily feel the same emotional swell for those experiences as I do for the trans experience. And without going into detail, one of those things should stand out from the others.

Viewing trans people in these lyrics make said lyrics much more emotionally resonant to me. There's something about the trans experience that I resonate strongly with, and it significantly strengthens my emotional investment in music that I already enjoyed beforehand.

The fear I have about viewing these lyrics through a trans lens is that I'm worried it looks like I'm fetishizing transgender people, or I'm misappropriating the trans experience for my music headcanons. That's not my intention. I haven't identified as anything other than cis my whole life, but when the cards line up like this, it unlocks a deeper appreciation of the song in question. It means a lot to me when that happens, and that can mean any number of things - but it definitely comes from a sincere place of care within myself.

That's why "her body's a difficult sister / and she loves her" means so much to me within that context, and it's a more in-depth perception on why From TG&Y's lyric grips me the way it does as well. I know it went off track from the song itself, but I felt a need to explain myself and I hope that my viewpoint is viewed in good faith.

6: "I still hear trains at night / when the wind is right" - The Weakerthans, This Is A Fire Door Never Leave Open

This lyric reminds me of abuse in a very applicable way to myself. There are times when I've remembered awful things that happened to me, even if I hadn't thought of them in years.

The Weakerthans are good at writing these lyrics that can go either way. I think about the character Lori from Night in the Woods when I hear this lyric, who lives by a train track - as far as she gets from that place, there'll be nights where the wind outside will remind her of the trains that passed by her house.

But in real life, there'll be nights after years of happy, content cohabitation with someone else, someone who puts your mind miles away from the worst moments of your life - where a trace of what you experienced will come back to you. No warning - the conditions in your life were just right to bring that memory back.

It continues to be one of my favorite lyrics, years after I first heard it, because it hits so close to home.

5: "I guess I have to hope that today the sun will shine / and maybe tomorrow, you'll be mine" - The Weepies, They're In Love, Where Am I

Another good yearning song. I spent a lot of 2020 yearning, and songs like 1000 Times and They're In Love, Where Am I really helped me through it.

The thing about the Weepies is that their lyrics can either be extremely blunt or extremely roundabout and kinda silly, and both extremes hit that button in my brain that makes me go "happey : )". This is more on the blunt side, being on one of their shorter songs. But every lyric in this song counts, and every lyric lands.

The reason why I picked this one is because of how well it sells the bittersweet nature of the song. The person you love is out of your reach, and it's hard to ignore that, but you might as well be thankful that things aren't worse. And maybe tomorrow will be different, and all your wildest dreams will come true. Even though they definitely won't, it's a nice thought.

The lyric speaks for itself. It's efficient, it ties the whole song together, and it's as gorgeous-sounding as the rest of the song. Excellent lyric.

4: "Maybe there's a season when I'll taste that wine / a thimble at a time / a thimbleful of wine" - The Weepies, Hummingbird

Reading these lyrics at face value doesn't always have the same impact as they do when you're hearing them in a song, and I've been trying to keep my picks to lyrics that scan both ways. But I've covered some heavy subject material in this post, so despite this one not necessarily scanning that well, I'm going to talk about it because it makes me incredibly happy and it lets me take a load off.

As I listened to this last verse for the first time, I was mostly soaking in the ambience of the song. A lot of the song is made up of these vignettes and platitudes, and while it's very pretty in its own right, I had trouble following it. But it's a gorgeous song, and I decided to tune in for the last verse and enjoy it as much as possible before it ends.

"Maybe there's a season when I'll taste that wine" - okay, I can relate to that. For all the hard work you put into something, you don't necessarily get to enjoy the fruits of your labor. But maybe one day you might get a chance to do so. Beautiful.

"A thimble at a time" conjures up an incredibly specific, sweet and kind of silly image. But before you can snark about it, the song follows up on what it just said - "a thimble full of wine".

It's like it read my mind. It knows it's a very precious image, and it takes full advantage to address exactly what it just said. I love it so much - it's such a cute lyric in an already gorgeous song.

3: "I just wish I was a toothbrush or a solder gun / make me something someone else can use" - The Weakerthans, Utilities

This is a lyric that's maintained its hold on me over the years. It captures a relatable sense of ennui and despair - I'm not doing anything for anyone now, so I wish I was an inanimate tool that could be of service to someone.

Nothing else really needs to be said. It's a classic in my books for a reason.

2: "And then you're singing in Dutch to me / and I recognize the song / it seems so old and so fragile / I haven't heard it in so long" - The Mountain Goats, Minnesota

This is the lyric that got me into older Mountain Goats songs. The entire narrative of the song is gorgeous, but it's this line that really broke through to me and it continues to be a favorite of mine.

The way I imagine the song going is that after spreading the seeds around his house, the narrator wakes up from a heat induced haze with his head in the lap of his partner. And she's singing in Dutch to him, and he recognises the song - as the song goes.

It's such a nice image to me. Waking up with your head in someone's lap, having that surreal moment as you're looking up at them where they're singing in a language you aren't familiar with, but recognising the song. That shit is picturesque. It's beautiful.

This really is the cream of the crop when it comes to Mountain Goats lyrics. It appeals to this broader romantic ideal in me, in a way that gets me every time. One reason why I like the Weepies so much is because their song lyrics make me feel like this one does.

1: "Make it through this year / if it kills you outright." - The Mountain Goats, Exegetic Chains

I'm ending on this note because the song and the lyric are perfect to end on.

Songs from Pierre Chuvin was a Mountain Goats release from early 2020 recorded in the style of John's older music. It was recorded on accoustic guitar, through an old boombox that imparts a nostalgic grain to the sound, and songs like Aulon Raid sounded like they were written in the 90's era of the Mountain Goats. Songs from Pierre Chuvin is, by all means, one of the most faithful throwback projects I think I've ever seen.

And Exegetic Chains is the crown jewel of the album, at least of the songs I've heard. Not just because of how it sounds, or how it's structured like some of my favorite Mountain Goats songs - but because it takes homage to heart as the last track on the album.

John references other songs, but the most recognisable reference is in the chorus - a dark reprisal of This Year. "I'm gonna make it through this year if it kills me", a loud, bombastic rallying call to yourself or a mantra to keep yourself alive through another year of hardship - becoming "make it through this year, if it kills you outright", a downcast plea calling out in a time where death is inevitable.

This is my favorite song lyric of 2020 because this song lyric is a reflection of 2020. It's the dark reprisal of This Year that we needed, that really says it all. I'd love to end on a happier lyric, but I can't stress how perfect I think this lyric is. This is a reprise that I sincerely think will stand the test of time.

#sara bareilles #the mountain goats #tim minchin #the weakerthans #the weepies #dysphoria tw #abuse tw #top 10