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#and am out of commission for longer than a couple days

aliveinacoffin · 10 months

Text

Hating you as well

(And loving you too much)

PT juan, Part Two, Part 3, part FOUR (awkward)

Part four of Hating You As Well, where if you want the best happy ending, stop reading ^+^

Tw!: Angst, mentions of past suicide attempts, mentions of self-harm, death, talks of death, talks of dying, loss of limbs, angsst

Fem!Reader, She/Her pronouns

You and Shouta have spent the last couple of days in utter bliss. Both of you happily existing around each other now knowing what you were both were, now knowing you both loved each other.

Of course, good things can’t last forever.

It was when Shouta had taken Eri out for a quick shopping trip, you had forgotten to pick up pads from the store, and you were completely out. The stupid man had left his phone, and you tsk-ed to yourself. What if something happened while he was out? He’d have no way of communicating with him. Though, you knew you wouldn’t stay mad. You haven’t been dating for very long at all, you thought to yourself over the stove, prepping dinner for when your two knuckleheads got home, but it almost felt like it had been longer. Maybe it was the long months you spent dancing around your feelings that made the routine much more comfortable, like the last piece to the puzzle that was slowly building, unknown to the both of you. Shouta’s phone buzzed loudly from his table, vibrating itself almost near the edge. You caught the electronic before it fell, answering the call without checking the caller ID.

“Hello, this is not Shouta Aizawa, but I can relay the message to him.” You chirped, already getting a notepad and a pen out.

“Oh? And may I inquire to whom I’m speaking with?” You pulled the phone away from you, confusion written all over your face, even if the other person couldn’t see it. Your heart dropped when you saw it.

‘Hero Public Safty Commission/ICE’

You set the phone down, putting it on speakerphone.

You stated your hero name, then your real name. “I’m Eraserhead's partner and roommate.” There was quiet typing on the other end.

“Ah, you are Eri’s other guardian?” They spoke, and you nodded, before mentally chastizing yourself that they couldn’t see you.

“Yes, I am. May I ask what the message is about? Me and Eraserhead have been very prompt and on time with Eri’s reports.” You quickly transferred the Miso soup to three bowls, picking up the large pot for the rest of the broth to cool for leftovers tomorrow.

“Ah, nothing about Eri. This is more about a villain called Kurogiri I’m afraid.” Even if you didn’t like the commission, not just because they were corrupted on every level, but because they seemed to not care about anything other than themselves. But the person on the other side sounded genuinely remorseful.

“Oh? You’ve captured him, correct? I heard about all of that from the police.” The email that was sent out about the warping villain made you rest easier that night.

“Yes, but I’m afraid that there is terrible news. As you may have known, Nomu’s are made from the bodies of the dead, and subsequently given a multitude of quirks.” That much you did know, the idea horrified you to no end.

“Right.” You set out the bowls on the table, getting spoons at the ready.

“Well, we found out through experimentation that Kurogiri is in fact, a Nomu.”

“Oh, how horrible.” And it was horrible, but you mentally questioned what this had to do with Shouta.

“Yes, indeed. With further study, we found out the body that was used was one of his old friends, Oboro Shirakumo, who had been killed in a terrible accident in high school. We just wanted to request Eraserhead's presence at Tartarus in the hopes that there can be a medical breakthrough with the Nomus.” Their voice went back to curt and cold. Despite that, you froze. Shouta never once mentioned to you his deceased friend, though, you couldn’t blame him. Your eyes went to your bedroom door, the picture of a blue-haired boy with a bandage on his nose flashed in your mind. You never questioned it, since there was another photo of the mysterious boy, Shouta, and Hizashi in it, always just assumed all of them were alive. Your gut twisted in guilt, feeling like you had just exposed a very delicate part of Shouat’s life without his consent.

“I…I will relay this message to Shouta, and-and make sure that he gets in contact with you soon.” Your voice was airy, mind going blank as you stumbled into a chair. Even if you had no idea of this before, now the mere thought of this haunted you.

“Thank you, I will be in contact once more shortly.” The line hung up, but you still held the phone up to your ear.

The front door jingled, and you could hear Eri’s little happy feet tapping from behind the door. It swung open, and the little girl was holding her own grocery bag, already bounding to you. She started rambling about something, maybe another cat she saw or a cool toy she wanted, but it was all water in your ears. You slowly set down Shouta’s phone, hands coming around to wrap the energetic girl in a hug. You looked over to your boyfriend, who was smiling softly at you. He lifted up the bag he was holding, his mouth moving to say something, but no sound came out. You nodded, and he went off to do whatever. Eri hopped out of your lap, already putting apples in the middle of the table, she pulled out a cat toy for Cutie, dangling it in front of the white cat. Shouta came up from behind you, kissing your cheek from your spot and settling down beside you. He thanked you for the food and called over Eri to eat. Obediently, she bound over, taking her spot on the other side of you.

Throughout the whole dinner, it was like there was water in your ears, guilt eating you up inside. Shocked that one of Shouta’s friends had been turned into a zombie, and forced to be part of the League of Villains' evil plans. You had no idea how he would take the news, and just before school started up again? Would he break down? Would he pretend as if nothing is wrong? Or would he do an unimaginable third option? Still, you tried your best to bring yourself back down to Earth, trying to participate in conversation the best you could. Still, you knew everyone could tell something was wrong.

___________________________________________

“‘Zawa?” Eri peeked out from her blanket, watching Shouta try and fail at trying to replicate your burrito.

“Yes, Eri?” His voice was soft, his hand coming up to brush away stray hair. Over time, with proper feeding and no longer being forced to use her quirk every day, her hair grew thicker and shone in a much healthier light. Her horn was steadily growing as well, but each day she had fewer and fewer accidents regarding said appendage.

“Is Ms. doing okay? She was quiet during dinner, and she’s not here to tuck me in, is she mad at me?” Her voice wavered, eyes growing wide. Shouta placed his hands on either side of her face, trying to brush away tears before they fell.

“No, of course not. Ms. is just feeling a little under the weather today. It happens sometimes, but it has nothing to do with you, I promise.” He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, smiling softly at his little girl.

“Pinky promise?” She shifted her hand from under the blankets, holding out her tiny pinky. That was another thing, thanks to yours and Shouta’s insistence that she ate, Eri was also steadily reaching her healthy weight diet. You had taken her to the doctor for a check-up, where she warned you two that she may grow ‘fat.’ That made you and Shouta furious, you almost blinded the woman and Shouta angrily demanded that she get her license revoked. Least to say, you got a new, and better doctor.

“Pinky promise.” Shouta reached out, interlocking the small fingers. “Now go to sleep, we have a big day tomorrow, so you need allll the rest.” He crouched down to plug in her nightlight, getting up and walking to flick the lights off. “Goodnight sweetheart.” He whispered.

“Good night.” She whispered back, that young baby voice made his heart melt. He left the door open a crack, walking over to your shared bedroom. Neither of you had renovated yet, both were too lazy to move the beds again. (Even if Shouta hadn’t moved one.) He walked over, peeking behind the curtain to see you already cuddling up with Cuite, petting his purring form while you stared at the wall. He couldn’t see your face, but your energy was all wrong.

“Hey, what’s up with you? Eri thinks you’re mad at her.” He whispered, crawling under the blankest with you. He took his spot by the wall, lying on his side, facing you. He looked at your sad eyes, your eyebrows pinched up, and your mouth turned down. “Hey, what’s going on?” Shouta reached out, grabbing one of your hands in a tight hold.

“Shouta, whose…whose the blue-haired boy from the two pictures on your dresser?” You asked, getting to the point. You had to make sure.

Shouta sucked in a deep and shuddering breath, turning on his back. He stared at the ceiling for a moment, deciding his next words.

“My best friend from high school. He died when we were about sixteen, I think. He was…he was the first person I ever loved.” His voice was now just sad and deep, eyes rolling up to try and keep his emotions at bay.

“What was his name?” Please god, please don't let it be true, please let it be someone else.

“Oboro Shirakumo. Why?” He looked over, surprised at the expression on your face. A deep frown on your face, eyebrows pointed way up, and tears falling slowly from your closed eyes. You took a deep breath, nose becoming clogged with snot. You breathed out, holding his hands tightly.

“The Commission called me earlier, they captured Kurogiri, remember?” There was a slight tremble in your lip, and Shouta became more and more afraid with every word.

“Right.” Shouta decided to be patient, letting you take your time. You took a sudden deep breath in again, eyes filling with newly unused tears.

“Do you remember what a Nomu is?” The answer was rhetorical, he got the same email as you did, you had read it together, and had discussed it together.

“Stop.” His mouth trembled, heavy breathing as Shouta’s stormy black eyes filled with his own tears. “Stop, this is not funny.” His face screwed up in disgust. He sat up, almost folding over himself as he clutched at his chest.

“I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry.” You sat up with him, pulling him into your arms. His strong shoulder dug into your chest, trying to soothe his heaving lungs.

“I-I don’t..I don’t trust myself right now. Don’t leave me alone, please.” Shouta pleaded, placing his mop of black hair into your chest. You felt cold wet drops of tears fall down your chest.

“I won’t, I won’t-I promise.” You ran your fingers through his hair, clutching him close. He wrapped his strong arms around you, shaking.

“I don’t understand. He’s…he’s gone, he’s supposed to be gone. It was my fault.” Shouta mumbled.

“No, don’t say that. The League of Villains-” You shook your head, but he cut you off.

“No, he shouldn’t have died in the first place. If I had been faster, or-or-" How quickly Shouta fell apart alarmed you. Things have been hard lately, you knew that, days of sleep deprivation and being overworked to the bone had done a number on you. But there was also a sense of dread that this was the beginning of the end.

"It's not your fault. You were just a kid, it's not your fault." You whispered, rubbing his head.

———————————————————————

The next morning was rough. It was the first day back to school. Eri was starting her own schooling, a private exclusive elementary school for kids who needed a different learning path than the ones at public schools. In the middle of his lecture, the Commission had called him again, requesting his presence at Tartarus. Principal Nedzu recommended that Shouta take the next couple of days off, but vehemently refused. Even going as far as to say he would bounce between yours, Nemuri's, and Hizashi's rooms.

You spent the rest of the day worried about him, barely able to teach your class. You kept clock watching, waiting for him to text you he was on his way back, or for him to update you.

He never did.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The night was fast approaching, and there was no word from your dark-haired friend. Even Eri was starting to get worried for him. Even trying to contact Hizashi was futile, not even a sign of life from either of them could soothe your worries. That is, until your phone buzzed to life. In an instant you picked it up, not even bothering to check the caller ID.

"Shouta?" You breathed, heart hammering out of your check.

"Nah, sorry to disappoint." Hizashi laughed from the other end, but it was strained and forced. Like he was the fry middle piece of a breaking rope, and one more thing would make him snap.

"Are you two alright? Why aren't you home?" You immediately started to pace your small living room, unknowing to the large red eyes watching you from a dark corner.

"Yeah, we went out for drinks." He muttered, the slight slur in his voice obvious.

"Are…are you kidding? I asked you two to text me when you were out, and I've had no word from you since nine in the fucking morning. It's seven o'clock at night. I thought something happened." You growled, frustrated tears building in your eyes.

"It slipped our minds, we're sorry. Now we're calling you." There was a bite to his tone, and it was bitter.

"Don't fucking talk to me like that." You barked, the tone he used was dripping with sarcasm. He had no right to sound like that when you had to take over both of their classes unpromoted with no word.

"I'm not talking to you in-what? Fine-" There was shuffling and murmuring on the other end.

Shouta's absolutely drunk voice breathed your name.

"Where are you Shouta Aizawa?" Your voice was low and dangerous, begging to be tested with.

"I'm just out drinkin' with Hizashi. It'ss fine, we're fine. Stop fuck'n worrying, yer not my mother." He grumbled, he was plastered and you could smell his breath from here.

"How can I not worry?! You've been out all day and I have no idea where you are. How are you gonna get home? Where are you so I can pick you up, you're coming home." You were already grabbing your keys before you stopped. Eri, noticing your eyes on her, immediately ran to her room and hid.

"Stay on the line, do not fucking hang up." You set down your phone, slowly making your way to the little girl's room. "Eri, honey?" You called out, slowly opening her door.

Her room was empty, devoid of any human beings. Panic ripped at your throat, and you almost yelled out if not for the little feet that kicked out from under her bed. You got down on the floor, looking up at the ceiling while you lay by her bed.

There was silence for a long while before you heard shuffling. You didn't look at her, knowing that it would make it worse.

"Are you two fighting?" She whispered, that baby voice melting your heart.

"I-kinda? I'm not mad at you, or at Zawa, I'm just scared. Adults are weird, and sometimes when we get scared or sad, we get mad. It's not very good, but it's a reaction that happens. I'm sorry I scared you, honey." You whispered back, laying absolutely still. She didn't say anything for a while again.

"Can I stay with Uncle Mirio tonight?" You slowly looked over, guilt stabbing and twisting your heart at the sight of tears in her big eyes.

"Of course honey, I'm so so sorry." Your lip wobbled, and she immediately crawled out.

"It's okay, don't cry." Eri placed herself in your arms, hugging you close. "If you want cuddles, I'll come back, I promise. I won't be far away." You chuckled when you realized she was parroting the words you had used on her so many nights ago. Though it actually wasn't that long ago, but the way time had been slipping through your fingers felt like it.

You wrapped your hand around her head, giving her a forehead kiss.

"Thank you, honey."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Again, thank you Mirio." You bowed, handing over Eri's Hello Kitty bag. She took it out of his hands, immediately pulling out her pink switch. The little girl ran off to go show Hado something on her animal crossing island, seemingly proud.

"It's really no problem! It's perfect timing too! Since we were having a sleepover anyway!" The blonde cheered, smiling brightly. But there was a deep sadness in his eyes, one that made you feel deeply for him.

"I apologize for the short notice. I'm sorry I can't stay longer, I have to go." Anger spilled into your voice again. Despite you clearly telling him not to, Shouta had hung up on you. When you called back, there was no response.

"Don't worry, do what you need to. We'll be right here waiting." Mirio's smile never wavered, shooing you off. Gladly, you stormed away.

You nearly ripped the door off of Shouta's car, immediately speeding out of the facility parking lot. The tires squealed loudly, and the gates of UA opened at a speed you'd never seen before.

"Fucking answer!" You growled, trying again and again to dial the man. Even calling Hizashi provided no help, you nearly thought the blonde had blocked you at the speed of which his calls were declining. But after realizing it took different lengths each time, you realized they were denying them.

You hard braked in front of the dingy bar where the teachers usually met up at, swinging open the doors. They weren't there.

The owner of the bar, a big burly dog, looked up at you with tired eyes.

"Do you know where Eraserhead and Present Mic are?" You asked, hands shaking.

He shook his head, big ears flopping with him. You growled, stomping out, and revved the car again.

Tears pricked your eyes as you looked around for bars. You were angry because Shouta hung up on you, after not calling you or texting you all day. I mean, last night the man was clutching onto you because he didn't trust himself to be alone for fucks sake! Then there was Hizashi, a man you could call a good friend yourself and Shouta's best friend, enabling his bad behavior, even going as far as to get snotty with you for caring. But most of all, you were scared. Scared of what they might do, scared of what Shouta might do to himself. What would Eri do without him? Their kids who looked up to the two men? What would you do without them?

It took you nearly twenty bars after that to find them. Hunched over drinking themselves away. They didn't look over at you while you stomped over, nearly fuming with rage. None of you three even noticed the lights flickering. They only noticed you when your very hot hands grabbed their shoulders, wrenching them to look at you.

"Do you have any idea what time it is? Not only do you have work tomorrow, you're both vulnerable late at night!" You nearly screamed, pulling them both up.

Shouta looked like a mess. His eyes were bloodshot and barely opened, his dark hair wild and everywhere. He could barely stand on his feet, nearly falling over on you. Hizashi on the other hand, was shaking, pure emotions stricken across his face.

"We're fine! We don't need you here to mommy us!" Hizashi screamed at you, grabbing you to turn you away.

"Is that why you're here, halfway across the fucking country to drink yourselves to death?!" You shoved him back, trying to hold up Shouta. The woman behind the bar was giving you three a wary glance, but she turned around to mind her own business.

“Yeah, because you have no idea how this feels! You’re-” Hizashi started, tears welling up as his voice broke.

“Stop. Stop before you say something you’ll regret. You’re both drunk and I’m tired. We should go home.” You grabbed his wrist and hauled both of them men to your car. Throwing them in the back, you went back inside to pay the tab and grab a familiar scarf and iconic leather jacket.

Shouta was pressing his flushed face against the window while Hizashi was glaring off somewhere. He mumbled something angrily, eyes blinking rapidly.

“What? I can’t hear you.” You snapped, reversing the car roughly, driving bad and reckless as angry as you felt.

“I said I’m sorry. For being messes.” Hizashi hiccupped, refusing to make eye contact with you. You sighed, anger simmering away as you realized how heavy your eyes were. Your heart just ached, your body tired.

“It’s…I understand. I was just scared. With everything going on right now, with Eri being home I just…” You trailed off, lip wobbling while trying to blink away tears. You were trying to drive home after all. The whole two hour drive was spent in unbearable silence, you had already angrily shut off the radio and found it too awkward now to turn it back on.

At the dorms, you managed to drag Hizashi back home and get Shouta to sit at your dining table.

“Where’s Eri? I don’t want her to see me like this.” Shouta looked around lazily, movements sluggish.

“She saw me get mad and got scared, she went over to Mirio’s.” You admitted, filling up a large water bottle and grabbing some pain meds for the man. You turned around and saw Shouta staring at your fridge, glaring.

“How could you do that to her? You know she’s been extra delicate because of school, and with her quirk training coming up.” He hiccuped. You sighed, handing him the water.

“I know, I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to her with a girl's day tomorrow.” You hung your head in your hands, nearly falling asleep on the spot. “I worry about you all the time, y’know?” You knew anything you said to Shouta would literally not matter, he was black-out drunk right now, and nothing you said would matter by the morning. “Especially today. You scared me so bad today Sho’.” You admitted.

“Why? I was okay.” He slurred back, confused.

“Because you didn’t call or text me! All day I was wondering how you were, not even Nedzu knew where you were. Eri was getting worried too, and you know how she gets about you, you're her Zawa. You’re her favorite. Then at one point, Hizashi was hanging up on me. Did I do something? I don’t understand.” Looking up, Shouta had already downed his whole glass and had taken his pills dutifully. But he shook his head in response.

“‘M not her favorite. You are. When I visited her in the hospital, all I talked about w’s you. She w’s so excited to meet you, and when she met you, she told me later, ‘She’s so pretty, like you said.’” He mimicked her high-pitched voice, eyes drooping. But his small smile dropped, and he looked at the table dimly. “‘M sorry. I wanted to call you but, I’m supposed to be the strong one, how could I face you knowing I failed-” His voice cracked, big fat crocodile tears spilled down his face. You jumped over to his side immediately, holding his face while you brushed away his tears. Shouta was a stranger to emotions, especially his, so seeing him be so open and emotional meant that he was drunk drunk.

“You didn’t fail anyone, you’re still here, aren’t you?” You whispered, trying to help him. Shouta’s large hands wrapped around yours, curling his fingers to hold your hands.

“But they’re not. He’s not.” Shouta whimpered again, face filled with the years of pain he’d had to go through. His long baggy sleeves slipped down, and while you were no stranger to Shouta’s scars, you’d never paid attention to them. You’d seen the ones coating his forearms at a distance, but you never thought much of them. Now that you were closer to him, your frown deepened at the years-old clean cuts decorating his otherwise pale arms. Each varied in thickness, but you could tell they were all old, all except…

“Oh, Sho…” You sighed, and you held up his arm, the slightly fresh ones close by the junction of his elbows were already scabbed over completely, so they were decently old. “What happened? Why didn’t you come to me?”

“Because you deserve a strong man, and I’m not. I let my students die, I like Oboro die, I deserve to die.” He cried into your shoulder, having shifted from you holding his face to you holding him. How long had this man buried his pain? Masking it into throwing himself into as much work as he could, trying to prevent all the lives he’s lost as a teacher, as a friend, as a person. Shouta was the strongest, most brutal, and hardcore man you’d ever met, but even the strongest of mountains would fall under the constant blow of loss and hardships. You could always see the pangs of loss and hurt in his eyes, but before you could even see what he was going through he masked it under anger. No matter how hard Shouta tried to kill the child buried under false anger and faux strength, it would still cry under the rubble of his past.

“Shouta, you deserve more than life itself. You’ve made so many people proud, and you’ve saved hundreds of lives. I’ve never met Shirakumo, but if he meant that deeply to you, I’m sure he would’ve been proud of you.” That made Shouta lose it, his sobs muffled by your shoulder. He hated it, he hated every moment of this because it meant he’d gone soft. Shouta’s whole hard, no-emotions exterior had been broken down in less than a year, and all because of you. Well, he supposed he couldn’t blame it wholeheartedly on you, a certain little girl who was currently sleeping soundly was another part of this, but still. How long before you died? How long before Eri died? How long before Hizashi and Nemuri? Shouta knew nothing lasted forever, and in his mind, you were already dead. Desperately he was clinging to your ghost, as he did with Oboro, trying to keep whatever he had of you with him, trying not to fail you too. Time and time again, he’d seen it. Shouta knew his job was dangerous, but that's why he preferred to be alone, hell, it was one of the few reasons he loved cats. They were independent creatures, if he ever died, they’d know to move on and live with other humans elsewhere. But if he left you behind, if he left Eri or Hizashi behind, he would be haunted by the guilt even in the afterlife. Shouta preferred to be alone, preferred to clean his own wounds, stitch up his own gashes by himself, it was less people to deal with, less strings he could cut at a moment's notice, less people he’d leave behind, and less people to leave him. But now he had you, and Eri, and all of his students and friends who relied on him. Now he had you to hold his head up high when he couldn’t, had someone to take over his overwhelming workload, someone who could stitch up the cuts on the places of his back that he couldn’t reach. You left a wake in his life he’d never get rid of again, you made him dream again. Something Shouta thought died the moment he realized Oboro was gone under the rubble of that building.

Somehow without his notice, you had changed him out of his work clothes, and tucked him into bed, watching over him over the blankets as you forced him on his side, one foot off the bed.

“This is her side though.” Shouta blinked mumbling to himself. Your hands raked up and down his sides, leaving goosebumps from your touch.

“It’s alright, if you need to puke in the middle of the night, I’d never forgive myself if you choked on your own vomit.” You whispered, tucking your hand under your pillow. “Now go to sleep, I already called in for us, and I’ll pick up Eri tomorrow, so sleep in.” Your voice was quiet and soft, everything Shouta was unused to, something he’d forgotten after so long of the harsh and jagged road he’d been forced to trudge.

“I love you.” He whispered, finally falling asleep after the harsh day.

“I love you.”

___________________________________________

Shouta awoke the next morning with a start, clutching his head at the sudden movement.

“Fuck, what time is it?” The teacher grumbled, and he froze when he opened his phone. It was one, in the afternoon. He immediately panic-dialed his boss, trying not to absolutely flip the fuck out.

“Oh, Ereaserhead, what-” His boss’ squeaky voice greeted from the other end, but Shouta gave him no chance to speak.

“Principal I am so sorry, I have overslept and failed to tell you. I will gladly accept the punishment I will be given out, again, I profusely apologize.” He had a bass in his voice, sleep still evident in his few moments of the waking world.

“Oh, no worries Eraserhead! That was figured out last night, you’re class was already taken care of.” Principal Nedzu happily name-dropped you, explaining that you took over the training for that day. They ended the call with friendly, and relieved, greetings, before Shouta just sat on his bed, trying to calm his racing heart. It was always you, wasn’t it.

___________________________________________

You came home with Eri in tow around four, as you promised you would over text. Immediately, Shouta greeted you with a kiss. Though you were caught off guard, you didn’t reject his advance, knowing these moments where he initiated the affection were rare. When he pulled away, he just donked his forehead against yours, holding your arms while you breathed each other's air.

“Thank you.” He muttered, pulling away with a slight blush on his face. Eri giggled, happily jumping up into his arms.

“I missed you!” She smiled, hugging around his neck. He smiled back, his eyes not so tired today.

“I missed you too.”

“Well, I missed all of you, so I win.” You smiled, setting down your shopping bags on the table, each landing with a heavy thud.

“We had a girl's day! Look, I even got my nails painted!” Eri shoved her little mix-matched colored nails in Shouta's face, and he had to lean back a little to fully comprehend the colors. If his heart could melt, he sure it literally would. It was a mix of all three of your guys' favorite colors, each color on a different nail. “I couldn’t get them clipped or shaved down, but I got them painted.” She looked kind of sad at that fact, looking down slightly in disappointment.

“That’s okay, you were so brave to even go to stores with just Ms. and you, and even more brave to get your nails done with all those scary sounds around you. Maybe next time you could try letting them cut your nails?” He offered, sitting down with her at the table.

“That’s right.” You nodded in agreement. “She was very brave and good today. Why don't you show Zawa all the new stuff you got?” You asked, already opening the bags for her. Eri smiled, jumping up and down on Shouta’s legs, ignoring his look of pain.

She happily showed off the new clothes she got, and the new clothes she’d forced onto Cutie later. Eri also happily showed Shouta all the clothes she picked out for both you and him, matching couple outfits for you two to rock out. He flashed you a look, and you just shrugged in response.

After showing him everything she got, she disappeared to her room to put everything away, demanding independence so she could show how ‘big girl she was’. That left you and Shouta to sit awkwardly at the table. He decided to bring up the first thing that he noticed in the house, a new development.

“You hid all the knives.” He said, leaving it open in the air.

“Yeah, I did do that.” Shouta looked down to see your leg bouncing under the table.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, scratching his arm, long sleeves bunching under his hand.

“I get it, it’ll be okay. I’m here, we’re here. Hizashi was the one who told me too.” You answered the question you knew he was going to ask.

“Thank you.” He sighed, and neither of you knew what he was thanking you for. Maybe everything.

“You never have to.” You shook your head, tired eyes betraying the strength you were showing.

___________________________________________

The next month was filled with unease, the looming threat of an all-out fight hung over all of your coworker's heads. It made it hard to focus on anything, especially when papers came in the mail demanding you and Shouta update your wills.

You, Nemuri, Hizashi, and Shouta all sat around your dining room table. Eri was in her room, instructed to watch her YouTube shows at whatever volume she wanted while she played games. The sound of some man screaming soothed your nerves about her overhearing, but you all still whispered.

“So you’ll agree to help watch over her in case something happens?” Shouta asked blankly, masking how he really felt. Nemuri and Hizashi nodded, seriousness etched deep in their faces.

“I’ll watch over her with whatever demands you leave me with, I promise.” Hizashi swore, looking over to you and Shouta. The day after the night you picked up the two men drunk from the bar, Hizashi had already gone out to grab your favorite flowers and snacks, profusely apologizing for his abhorrent behavior.

“I’m sorry I was a horrible friend the other day, it was a moment of weakness that will never happen again!” Forgiving him was easy, since you now knew how greatly of a cavern Shirakumo left in his life, Nemuri’s as well. You learned of how bright and happy the blue-haired boy was, how he left an influence on all three of the friends’ lives, even today.

“Thank you.” You nodded, smiling sadly at him.

“Of course.” Hizashi shrugged you off, it was nothing after all, he was merely doing a favor for a friend.

“Now, it’s not as if I do not trust Hizashi with a live animal, but I do not trust Hizahsi with a live animal.” Nemuri sighed, pushing her glasses back up her face, preventing them from falling off her nose. Said blonde gasped with indignity, holding a hand over his chest while he looked at her with absolute betrayal in his face.

“I have been a great step-dad for Sushi! I spoil him with toys every Christmas and for his birthday!” Hizashi argued, pouting at the implication that he could not take care of the cat that was left behind by the friend they lost.

“Yes, but you’re hardly home, ‘Zashi. Plus, you do tend to go overboard with the food.” She countered, giving him that motherly look you’ve grown to love.

“That’s true, I remember you got him fat one year.” Shouta agreed, tapping his cat pen on the table.

“So it’s decided, Sushi goes to those two.” She said it with such tiredness as if it was something that had been argued and not something you knew she had already made up her mind with. Hizashi pouted in response, mumbling under his breath.

The rest of the signing went like that, all of you trying to make light of the fact that you were writing your wills, pretending as if there was no possibility that any of you could die by the end of the month. Because if not, what else could you do?

___________________________________________

Springtime was rolling around again, as proof of the clothes that donned Eri getting looser and more flowy. Currently, she was wearing a Hello Kitty t-shirt with shorts, a sun hat donned on her head. She was holding both yours and Shouta’s hands while she walked to the infirmary, knowing that her Quirk training would start today.

“Now remember, you can stop at any time you want, just say the word and everything will stop immediately.” You assured, rubbing your hand over her smaller one. She nodded, face set. You knew that look, and you knew it meant she was going to push herself to her absolute limits. The look that said, ‘I’m going to show you how far I’ve grown!’

“And we’ll be there every step of the way.” Shouta reaffirmed, holding her close. After what happened, you had asked him to never drink like that again, and he agreed with great fervor.

“I’d never want Eri to see me like that, and I’m ashamed you saw me like that.” Shouta was still feeling heavy guilt after that, no matter how much you reassured him that it would happen. People will always have relapses in their recovery and bad behaviors, but as long as you grow and move on, then so can others. Shouta’s mental health was still rather fragile, but with your and your friend's help, he’s been slowly building back his confidence in himself. Now standing in front of Recovery Girl’s doors, you both turned to look at each other, then Eri.

“You’re sure you want to do this? You absolutely don’t have to if you don't want to.” You said, for what must’ve been the hundredth time in a row.

“I want to! I want to save Mirio like he saved me.” She nodded, holding a fist in front of her face. Shouta, nodded, opening the door to reveal Monoma sitting, already waiting for you three.

The plan was to have Eri try her quirk, then the student would copy her quirk and try to use it as well, in an attempt to have at least someone try and guide her through her quirk.

Eri sat between you and Shouta, and in front of Monoma and tried to activate her quirk. She strained, puffing out her full cheeks and forming tight first with her small hands. Her face grew red with the effort, and quiet humming grew into loud humming. You knew this moment was big for her, so you made a triangle with your mouth as you tried your damnest not to laugh out loud. The poor student just looked at her confused, while Shouta just sighed. He slowly put a hand on the girl's shoulder, snapping her out of her little grunting effort. Better stop her before she shits herself.

“Eri, you can’t force your quirk out like that. In the past, how did you feel when you activated it?” He asked, quickly taking his hand away.

“Uhm, I felt scared.” She pulled up her knees to her chest, picking at her Five Nights at Freddy’s shoes. “And I wished I could just go back and fix everything, or just make everything stop.” Her horn crackled in response, and Shouta quickly shut it down, hair floating up immediately.

It would be of no use for her to correlate her quirk with fear, the baseline of her abilities would be held back if it was plagued with that emotion. She needed to be in full control of her quirk to even be able to live alone, one panic attack and she would send a friend or concerned stranger back into nothing.

“You’re safe now, no one is out to hurt you.” You patted her head, rubbing away the little worry marks on her forehead.

“Yes, instead, why don’t we take deep breaths and look deep into ourselves.” Shouta offered, placing his hands in his lap, closing his eyes he breathed in deeply. Eri rushed to follow his lead, copying his movements exactly. You glanced up to the Monoma who had been sitting there rather awkwardly, motioning him to do the same. He looked at you warily before complying. You kept your eyes open, and Shouta had reopened his to watch over Eri.

“Now take a deep breath in.” The teacher instructed, doing the motion so she could hear him. She did it perfectly, her little body relaxing from his voice. “Now hold your breath, but don’t panic. Everything will be alright.” He waited for a moment, before instructing her to breathe deeply out as well.

“Now look inside yourself. Your quirk is part of you, and you are in complete control of yourself. You can do good things in life without hurting others, all because you are capable and strong. You can save people with your ability because you’re a strong little girl.” You couldn't help but let out a little gasp when she lit up. Energy crackled around the little group. But she must’ve heard you since she immediately stopped and looked up at you worried.

“Did I do something wrong?” She asked, scared.

“No baby, you did so well, you did wonderful!” You smiled, heart absolutely leaping with joy. Just a few months ago, Eri was too scared to even ask for more food on her plate, and now she was taking back every ounce of control she had never been given. And you were just so proud. Happy tears spilled from your face while you laughed, opening your arms for her to leap into. Eri did happily, jumping up and down with joy. Shouta leaned over to rub her back, softly smiling too.

“You did so well, you’re very brave.” He scooted close to you two, happily watching over you with pride in his chest.

Monoma coughed, getting all of your attentions at once. You and Shouta burned with embarrassment, while Eri was in blissful ignorance of the awkwardness. Still, she was just so happy that she activated her quirk on her own.

You and Shouta couldn’t help but be proud of her.

___________________________________________

The plan all along was to get Eri more comfortable with her quirk so meltdowns for her were less dangerous, but there was also an ulterior motive underlying as well. A motive that worked, after weeks of working with Eri non-stop every day, hugging her close when sessions didn’t go the way she wanted, and celebrating with her when they did.

Mirio got his quirk back.

Which opened a new realm of questions, but for now it didn’t matter.

Now all that mattered was celebrating Eri’s development and her bravery, and Mirio getting his quirk back, his life back.

“And how big do you want your slice Eri? It can be as biiiig as you want." You gestured to the cake in front of the little girl. A white cake with bright red lettering that says 'You did it!' on the front. Mirio, Amijiki, Hado, and Monoma surrounded the small table, happy-faced and looking at Eri. Shouta had Eri on his lap, holding her midsection.

"This big!" She made a wide gesture with her hand, far bigger than the cake itself. You all laughed, and you smiled and shook your head.

"How about this big?" You started to cut a piece, big enough for three fingers to be placed at the top of the slice. She nodded excitedly, jumping out of Shouta's grasp to stand on his thighs. He poked the back of her knees, and she buckled.

"Sit when you're eating." He chastised lightly, and she nodded, bringing a plastic green fork to her big slice. You handed out the other pieces to the students around you, Mirio happily phasing through a bite of cake through his face over and over, pretending to not know why he couldn't eat.

"You're using your quirk Uncle Mirio!" Eri squealed, frosting already on her face.

"Am I?" He yelled in a very happy voice, still doing it. Turning around to wash your hands and the knife, Monoma approached you from behind. He hadn't taken a bite out of his slice yet, instead wholly ignoring it because of something bothering him.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help." His voice was smooth, devoid of any teasing or pompous attitude. That was something that gave you whiplash, whenever the boy wasn't blinded by his jealousy of class 1-A, he was a kind and smart kid. Another thing you learned was that he was great with children, also aiding in helping soothe Eri whenever you and Shouta didn't jump the gun fast enough.

"Don't worry about it, Quirks aren't a cure-all, and no matter how OP they are, there's always going to be drawbacks." You shook your head, waving a wet hand at him. But the look on the copycat's face was not one of comfort.

"Still I wish I could be able to be a mentor for her." He looked down like he had failed in the worst ways possible.

"Monoma, listen." You fully dried your hands, putting one on his shoulder to make him look at you.

"There's only so much you could do, and what you did was wonderful. If you want to be a mentor to Eri, be there for her. Help her, be her friend." You gestured your head to the girl happily chattering with Hado. He followed your gaze, tense shoulders drooping at the sight. He looked back at you, nodding with a new determination in his eyes.

"Of course! I'll be the best mentor/friend/guide there is!" He sauntered away, joining in the large conversation. You smiled and leaned back against the sink, crossing your arms to fondly watch them. Shouta was blankly staring away, unwillingly participating in the conversation. He saw you, glared at you, and picked Eri off his lap, joining you by the sink.

"Hey." You smiled and looked at him.

"Hey." He replied back, watching the children.

You wrapped your arm around his back, rubbing soothing motions into it. Shouta’s dark eyes flashed to your face, watching you for a moment.

"I'm so proud of her." He mumbled, barely audible.

"I know, I hope we can keep her this happy." Your voice was fond and soft, love in every syllable.

"Me too."

But his eyes weren't on Eri.

___________________________________________

It was one in the morning, but neither of you could sleep.

Eri didn't know much, other than you and Shouta were going to be in a very big battle tomorrow and she'd be with Principal Nedzu all day. Or more. Or maybe forever.

You tucked your head under Shouta's chin, rubbing his back in circles. He was gently scratching your hair, holding you close.

"I can't sleep." You whispered, stopping your hands to hug him tightly.

"I can't either." He admitted, doing the same as well. "Promise me something." He whispered into your hair.

"Anything." You probably couldn't keep it. You knew it, if he asked you to stay alive, you couldn't possibly be in control of that.

"Don't make me do this without you." Shouta wrapped his legs further around you, unwilling to let you go.

"Of course. Promise me something?" You asked back, an ache starting in your heart.

"Anything." Shouta curled into you, tucking you further into himself.

"Come back alive."

"Of course."

___________________________________________

You and Shouta were separate, which was fine. Your quirks didn't exactly mesh well together, and you both were needed in separate areas. Still, you were terrified.

Your legs pumped as you ran straight into the broken building, the moment Ken had broken the Paranormal League Fronts base, you had been the few to immediately jump to action. Blame Shouta for your quick reaction time. Jumping up, you landed a swift but harsh kick to a villain's head, knocking them out cold. Soon, there were three others on you, quick to action. Thankful for the bright sunny day, you made a long knife with the light, slashing their legs. When they fell, you made quick work of cuffing the hands and wrapping their feet so they couldn't escape.

You did that again and again, perfectly dodging any close-range attacks they shot at you. Distant rumbling filled your ears, catching you off guard for a moment, just for a moment. But that moment was important, worry for your students and your friends distracted you from the person behind you. Barely turning around in time to catch their eyes.

A sudden searing pain filled your right side, blindingly hot and vicious. Your shoulder flung back, but it swung much harder than you intended like you had lost a monumental amount of weight. The air was knocked right out of your lungs when you landed on your back, trying desperately to catch your breath. Your eyes were unfocused, the only things visible were lights and darks. A shadow stepped above you, a harsh contrast to the hot white sun. Someone screamed from a distance, you didn't know who, but it sounded familiar. Slowly, you got your breath back, and just as fast, the pain dissipated. A feeling of floating overcame you, your mind losing all train of thought as consciousness escaped you. Another feeling invaded your stomach, a heavyweight worming its way into your soft belly, squirming and wiggling around in the delicate inner workings of your stomach. Just as it all started, it stopped in a sudden, jarring movement.

Someone lifted your limp head, and you tried to utter out a thanks, but only a quiet whisper came out. Someone was shouting your hero name, but the only thing you could work out was bright blonde hair. There was only one thought that came to your failing mind.

Shouta would be disappointed with how quickly you fell.

___________________________________________

Warm.

Fuzzy.

Floating.

Those were the only things you felt. You couldn't tell where you were, or even who you were, but they didn't really matter when you felt this good. Happiness filled your every atom, joy making your fingertips buzz. You could hear yourself breathing, but you couldn't really feel it, just like how sometimes your vision would go black for a mere millisecond before everything became bright again. What was that called? Blinking? Whatever it was made you upset, why couldn't you see? You sighed, deciding to succumb to sleep before anything else could upset you, too dizzy to try and look around.

___________________________________________

That happened a couple more times, the fleeting waking moments you were granted filled with that dizzying euphoria. Until it wasn't.

You came to with a broken gasp, an electrifying pain forcing you to sit up. But that in itself brought pain to your right side and stomach, something hot and uncomfortable. You tried to protect your middle with your hands, but the feeling of a stump and something missing made you look down in a panic.

Your arm.

Your right arm.

Your right arm was gone.

From your elbow down was nothing, a stump of your upper arm. It felt like there were pins and needles in the arm that was no longer there. Your stomach ached too, like you ate rotten food and ate it far too quickly.

Your breathing was quickening, heart racing as you tried to compile all your thoughts into one coherent train of thought. Loud and insistent beeping made your head swarm, your head snapped in that direction. In a sudden movement fueled by pain and fear, you toppled over the heart monitor. You were upset and so fucking scared. Your arm was gone, you were missing an entire limb. With no explanation as to why. Where was it? Why had it been taken from you?

Suddenly, a hoard of doctors flooded the whole room, one you hadn't even been aware of until now. Two grabbed your shoulders, trying to hold down your struggling form, trying to placate you with soothing words.

"Please, we're only trying to help." One whispered.

"We understand you're confused." Another meowed. Two were trying to set back up your monitor, while another pair tapped and messed with your vitals.

"It'll all feel better in a moment." One of the ones from your vitals spoke up, dropping a long tube that was connected to you on the ground. "We probably should've tried to wean you off the opioid better, but there's only so many of us." They shrugged apologetically, backing up.

The others did the same, giving you breathing room. Soon, your lungs stopped trying to fill themselves with air they didn't need, instead slowing down to a near-alarming degree. That same fuzzy feeling of pure euphoria filled you again, and you slowly slid down on the thin pillow on your cot. The scratchy feeling of the hospital blanket was quickly forgotten, instead replaced by the lack of feeling in your lower half.

Dreams never came to you in your drug-aided sleep.

___________________________________________

The next time you woke up wasn't nearly as traumatizing nor painful. It was still uncomfortable, and you were still confused, but thankfully an angel was waiting by your bedside.

"God? Am I dead? Oh God, I don't go to church nearly enough. Please forgive me Father, I have led astray from the path-" you started mumbling prayer, left hand shakily coming up to grasp out.

"Oh no, please I'm not an angel, even if I get that a lot. I'm a human with a quirk." The woman giggled, guiding your hand back down the cot, her skin was milky white and smooth, her fingernails long and white. Looking up, she had no pupils, only an expanse of white in her eyes. Speaking of eyes, she had much more than two. Nowadays, that wasn't much of a sight, but the upper half part of her face was filled with them. All of them missing pupils, all of them pure snow white. Her hair was long and just as white as her, almost curly. Two wings rested on her head, filled with eyes along the base. Unlike her own eyes, the ones on her wings had golden pupils, though they lacked any iris'.

"My name is Tenshi, and I'll be here to guide you through your confusion and pain." Even her voice was angelic, each note hitting perfectly in your ear.

"You are an angel." You murmured, eyes still fluttering from the bright white light above you.

"Here." She got up, her towering frame would've been overwhelming if you were fully conscious. She flicked off the lights, mid-afternoon light pooling in the room, making the room golden and making the tall woman even more ethereal. She walked over to you, form turning fuzzy and warping as she got closer. Tenshi leaned over, slapping your cheeks to get you to fully focus. When you did, she backed away.

"You must be confused." She walked back to your side, sitting on the side of the bed to face you. She ran a long and thin hand down your upper arm, the feeling making goosebumps rise. She stopped at your stump, instead, she hovered over the spot, the feeling of pillows on your aching stump soothed the pain, almost making it go away.

"Your arm was cut off during the battle, but thankfully one of your students managed to get you to a pro, who was able to cauterize it for you." She pulled back, wiping her hands.

"What…happened?" You gestured to your stump, lifting it up gently before setting it back down. There was also more to the question, like what happened after the battle? Months of planning, months of sitting anxiously for the end to come only for it to be over like that? How much did you actually help? How many did you lose?

“Well.” She sighed. “There is no easy way to put this, many heroes fell. They were either killed in battle, or they quit in the aftermath. Many villains were caught, but many high-level prisons were broken into by a man called One for All. Shigaraki and many of the Paranormal Leauge Front are still missing. One of your students briefly went rogue as well, but he returned safe and sound. And I think that's it!” She cheered, adjusting you more. “Now, I’ll go fetch your husband, bring some food and water, and leave you to your rest.” Tenshi sat up, wiping off her manicured hands and leaving before you could protest.

It was probably Midoiya who left.

___________________________________________

So first of all, you were right. That little shit went off on his own, weighed down by the guilt of Shigaraki’s escape and his self-acclaimed failures led him to believe he had to single-handly take on the world. Secondly, there had been a traitor amongst you, but it hadn’t been one of the staff, it had been a student. While it shattered your heart to hear the news, it also perplexed you, Aoyama of all people? It made sense why he never took his hero name seriously though, but that made you hurt more. Thirdly, society was falling apart behind the senses. People no longer trusted heroes at all, how could they when one by one they were all dropping? When their current number one had come out as a child abuser and wife beater, who bought his wife to use her quirk. Especially when his first child accidentally ‘killed’ himself at the age of twelve, and then turned into an arsonistic serial killer. But most importantly, last but not least.

“You cut off your own leg?” You yelled, incredulous. “I thought someone got you, like me, but no! You just fuckin’.” You made wild gestures with your hand, stump flailing along, still in absolute shock that your dumbass boyfriend cut off his own damn leg.

“It was the best course of action. It was either my leg or my student. The decision was easy.” Shouta shook his head, one eye closing. You sighed, shoulders slumping heavily. Your eyes trailed across his face, analyzing his lack of an eye, and lack of a right leg.

“Guess we’re both fucked up now.” You laughed emptily, flopping back on your cot. You brought one hand to softly trace your bandages, your wound didn't hurt as much anymore, bt the phantom pains were brutal. They often left you biting down on your pillow as your right side seized up in angry pain.

“We’re not fucked up.” He mocked your words, and you could hear him lean forward, metal leg creaking with him. “We’re scarred.” He reassured, reaching you to your bed. You looked over to him, eyes heavy and empty.

“Yeah, and it’s not over. Shigaraki is still out there, and All For One is out there now. I’m…tired Sho’. I’m so fuckin’ tired.” You put one hand up to cover your face, momentarily panicking when there wasn’t another hand to cover your right side. There was a pregnant pause.

“There is, something else I need to tell you.” You looked back over to Shouta, now fully taking in how beat the man was. His strong demeanor broken down to a hunch, hands limply hanging off his knees.

“Yeah?” Your heart leaped to your throat, please god, or anyone if you’re out there, if you’re out there, don’t let it be Eri.

“It’s about Nemuri. She’s…gone, they’re giving us her part in the will sometime next week.” Shouta’s voice was soft, devoid of any negative emotions. Even if your eyes filled with tears, you shook your head and laughed.

“Don’t mess with me like that Sho’, it’s really not funny.” You stared at him, your smile falling when he just gave you a sad look. His lips pulled in as a frown etched into his rugged features. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to.

“I’m so sorry.” You whispered, opening up your arms to him again. Shouta closed his eyes tight, falling into your arms. You both cried together, sobs heaving out of your bodies. Another one of his friends gone. One of your friends died.

Even if you both were older, no longer trapped in the awkward stages of young adulthood, you both felt so small at that moment. The whole world was tilting, and you had no choice but to fall into the inky black abyss of the unknown, no matter how desperate your attempts to flee were.

___________________________________________

You were scared. You were cold, and it was a terrible day for rain.

Your leg was slowly crumbling under your sight, there wasn’t even any pain as your left leg slowly disintegrated before your eyes. A flash of green filled your eyes, quickly pulled away the hand that had been gripping your ankle in a painful grip. But it did nothing to stop you from plummeting to the dirt, hundreds of feet off the ground.

Technically, you shouldn’t even be here, in the heart of the battlefield. But during a national emergency, the Japanese government had to pull out all the stops, especially after the fall of the Commision and the death of America’s number one. So you and Shouta and many others had been pulled out of recovery to be put on the front lines, with little to no warning. Both of you had sat in his hospital room, just sitting side by side. The memory was clear in your head as the wind rushed by your ears.

“What about Eri, who will take care of her?” You whispered, not able to look at Shouta, instead your eyes hyperfocused on the white walls in front of you two. The man’s arm was wrapped around your shoulder, making sure he would not disturb your stump. You decided not to wear a prosthetic, it would only get in the way of you Quirk anyway.

“Worse comes down to worse, Nedzu will do a decent job. She’ll come out smart at least.” Shouta shrugged as if the thoughts of leaving the child you two had been raising and taking care of side by were nothing. It was so much more than that, Eri was basically your daughter at this point, having spent so much time with her, giving her the right environment for her to grow and learn, giving her the school to go to school. She was the child you never wanted to have, and now the one that you couldn’t bear to leave.

There was a pause as you rubbed your only hand on Shouta’s left side.

“Don’t die on me Shouta Aizawa.” You lolled your head onto the expanse of his chest, his usual blue nightgown replaced by a thick dark blue sweater.

“I could say the same.” He whispered into your hair, tugging you close. The dead night air only made the silence in the room deafening, every and all noises amplified a hundred times. Still, you’d never replace this moment with anything else.

You smiled sadly at the memory, fat tears rolling up into the sky.

“Sorry I couldn’t keep my promises.” You laughed, the ground getting closer and closer. There was a cacophony of noises around you, the sounds of crashing buildings, sirens, screaming, shouting, things breaking and crumbling beneath your eyes. The disintegrating had stopped, the only thing remaining of your left leg was a dusty stump ending mid-thigh. “Sorry I couldn’t stay Sho’.” Your smile was becoming one of a grimace. “Sorry I’m making you do all of this without me.” Someone was shouting your name, but your vision was too clouded with tears, too busy coming to tears with your own impending death to care. “Sorry I’m not just a call away, I’m sorry to everyone I failed.” You finally sobbed, the hand you had left was covered in blisters and burns, but you had only barely noticed. Suddenly everything was dark, and the feeling of absolutely nothing engulfed your whole body.

___________________________________________

“You’re…alive.” His hand reached out to you, covered in mud and blood, his dark hair wild and splayed across his head, like a dark halo.

“You’re alive.” You breathed back, trying desperately to reach over with your other hand. You were so tired, every bone and fiber in your being filled with lead, the energy sapped out of you. There was screaming, sounds of crying and yelling surrounding you in every corner. But none it mattered, all that mattered was who was in front of you.

Shouta Aizawa.

“Not even death himself could reap me. Not without you.” He laughed softly, tears filling his dark eyes, falling down his pale cheeks. You laughed wetly with him, pain choking you off. Still, that didn’t stop the pure bliss that filled you.

“You know, I used to think you hated me. And for a little, I hated you as well.” You admitted, trying to scoot closer to him. The hard cold ground made it hard, dirt and rocks digging into your delicate body.

Shouta shook his head, trying to scoot closer to you too.

“No, I never hated you. I knew the moment I met you, that you’d be the biggest pain in my ass.” You brought one shaky hand up to brush through your hair, fingers gently caressing your sweaty and bloodied face. He paid no mind to your black eye, or the cuts and scrapes littered across your face.

“I knew from the moment I met you, that I would love you.” Shouta admitted, eyes never faltering from yours. Finally, his hand met yours, interlocking your fingers as you both had wormed each other into one another's lives. Palms touching, ignoring the sting of pain and blood that emerged from the touch. You sobbed out a laugh, and he did too, uncaring of who saw you two. Shouta let out a real, belly aching laugh, dissolving into sniffles. How you made him so weak, he’d never know. Not even the highest ends of Nomu’s could do that, but you?

Anything.

___________________________________________

no body talk to me,, im so upset,,MY BABAYYYYY WAHHGHGHGGH

anyways, i have a small thing for pt five imagined, but I'm gonna focus on other projects, more specifically try and finish two asks that have been rotting in my inbox,,oopsies,,but I'm literally so sad to know this is overrrrrr,,I lowkey struggled with the end, since I love canon and the ending isn't over yet, but the idea of aizawa dying literally rips my heart open so I'm gonna pretend he literally can't

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jinhyun · 1 year

Text

—opening commissions

hellooo, as some of you know my cat needed to be hospitalized a few days ago and what was supposed to be one day and one exam turned out to be four days and three exams, plus the meds that i need to get him now that he's back home, which made the bill go way more up than i had expected and than i can sadly afford. i wouldn't leave my baby without treatment ofc so i just went with it and now i'm left to figure out how to pay the bill during the next couple of months, which is what brings me here today.

if you can't or don't want to commission me it would still greatly help me if you reblogged this and shared it for more people to see. either way, thank you all for all the support you've shown me and my baby these past couple of days<3

so, without further ado, here are the dynamics:

—one shots prices

↬500-999 words = $5 USD

↬1000-1499 words = $10 USD

↬1500-1999 words = $15 USD

↬2000-2499 words = $20 USD

↬2500-3000 words = $25 USD

i'm only willing to write up to 3k words, otherwise it'll take me forever. i am open to discussion in case you'd like something slightly longer.

—fake texts prices

↬3 screenshots = $3 USD

↬5 screenshots = $5 USD

↬10 screenshots = $10 USD

$1 per screenshot, limit of 10.

—rules

↬i take requests for skz, bts and itzy.

↬only member x reader.

↬i can either post it here or send it to your email for your eyes only. in case you choose the latter, you can ask me to use your actual name instead of y/n if you want.

↬i can write both sfw and nsfw. however, i am not comfortable writing extremely explicit nsfw or pwp stories.

↬the time it will take me to be done with your comission will depend on the length of it. fake texts take shorter for me to write. however, i will update you guys on the progress of it.

—requests

when you request, please send me a dm and let me know the following:

↬kpop group and member you want it to be with.

↬genre (fluff, angst, etc).

↬the pronouns you want me to use and whether you want me to use your name or not.

↬the plot and details you have in mind for it.

—payment

since i'm from latam and not many people use my currency ofc, i feel like paypal is the easiest way to go.

just dm me saying that'd you'd like to comission me and telling me the idea you have in mind, and then we can work out whether you'd feel more comfortable paying half of the price at first and then the rest when i'm done, or everything at once.

if you have any other questions, feel free to dm me. once again thank you all for your support<3

#skz imagines #stray kids imagines #bts imagines #itzy imagines #skz fake texts #stray kids fake texts #bts fake texts #itzy fake texts #writing comissions #comissions

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mommangomom · 9 months

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admit it

~pairing: beidou x fem!reader ~cw: suggestive

content: beidou noticed you were being extremely friendly to the traveler, who you had just met a few days ago

The Traveler had a domino effect with the people she met since she was always helpful, kind, and just an overall good person, and you were no different. You spent the whole last few days at Liyue with her after doing commission with her days prior. Considering your out of the blue burst of good moods, of course your girlfriend Beidou noticed.

It was late at night when you arrived at the Crux ship. Everyone was practically ready for departure and only needed to wait until the break of dawn until setting sail. But in contrast to everyone else who was full of energy, you were slumped backwards with the amount of quest-ing you and the Travelers did. You made your way to Beidou's room to catch your much needed rest.

You opened the door smoothly thinking the captain must be outside aiding with the departure of the ship. So it was only reasonable to be shocked when she was instead sitting on her desk with her legs and arms crossed, glaring at you.

"You were gone for quite some time Y/n.." She said.

Maybe it was because of your exhaustion, but you couldn't notice her concerned tone, so you didn't think much of it and responded normally. "Well I was out with the Traveler the entire night, I'm exhausted." You yawned.

She scoffed, which was when you finally noticed her foul mood. "Traveler this, traveler that - You've been awfully close with that girl the past few days haven't you?" She questioned as she stood up and began walking closer.

It was clear to you she was acting on jealousy, and as angry as she looked, frankly it was adorable. You stood in your place. "I mean we've been partnered for commissions a lot... I wouldn't be surprised to pair up with her again next time we see each other." You told her with a smirk which only ticked her off more.

By now she was right in front of you. She towered over you by a couple inches so you had to tilt your head up just to reach her eyes.

"Tch, you really know how to get on my nerves Y/n."

You tilted your head, still keeping that taunting smirk. "I'm simply responding, 'Captain', what do you want me to do?"

All of a sudden you felt her hand cup your waist and pull you in, making you flinch and let out a quick yelp. Just hearing your voice began to influence Beidou in more ways than one. "Tell me how you truly feel about her, that Traveler."

Out of everything, you weren't expecting that. "Wh-"

"Come on.. just admit it, with how much you've been spending time with her, you must feel something with her right?" She whispered in a seductive tone that only made your ears burn red and your stomach churn.

Although it might anger her a little, you still wanted to continue the tease. "..Do you really want to know how I feel about her?" You asked, making Beidou's eyes bolden.

She hmphed. "The floor's yours."

Her face was inches away from yours you could practically feel her breath on the bridge of your nose. As a response you instinctively wrapped your arms around her neck and tugged. "That girl.. she'd never compare to you, Beidou, obviously, because you're the one I hold dearest."

Her cheeks grew a light shade of red and you heard the quiet gulp she took - to think the renowned captain of the Crux had such a flustered side to her - the thought of others ever finding out made you chuckle, but also, you wanted to be the only person to see it.

"What am I gonna do with you.."

Almost immediately after, her head tilt and she leaned fully into you for a kiss, and you gladly accepted it while reciprocating the same energy. It lasted seconds straight until you could no longer breathe and you broke off sending a small string of saliva across your lips. You both now were in complete heat over something so frivolous, not that the two of you minded.

Before she was about to lean in again, you frantically placed your hand on her chest. "Wait, what about the ship, don't you have to sail it out?" You asked, still out of breath.

"It's fine, I asked Kazuha to handle this one."

From there, the two of you went all out. To be honest, you weren't entirely sure how it got to this point, all you did was catch onto the wave and moved with the current. But in the end it was safe to say that you were no longer exhausted, seeing as you suddenly had all the energy in the world.

#genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact beidou #genshin beidou #beidou x y/n #beidou x you #beidou x reader #genshin x y/n #genshin x reader #fem reader #wlw #beidou

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hydrangeyes · 7 months

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Tobirama x Seme Male reader

So if you don't know, Yes this already existed, my old account was deleted (accident but I can tell I won't be getting it back), and am reposting my old x male reader works!

I don't know if I saved all of them but here is one that was saved to my AO3 account.

Edit: So shuffling through my docs It's been brought to my attention that wattpad (who I use as backup) Cut a lot of my fics in half??? anyway I'll be trying to fix that also

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Requested by bunglol

This is def Au piece where those who were revived, stayed. Idk that whole story arc just flew passed me lmao. This ended up longer than expected lol, uhhh oops?

Edited: *kicks door open* SUP I HAVE NO EXCUSE ONCE AGAIN I BECAME ADDICTED TO NU:CARNIVAL (like h scenes aside I really do like the combat aspect and am curious on where the story is going)

ANYWAY

IT'S SMUT SORTS, MAINLY FOREPLAY

If I remember right there is fingering and probably eating him out

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As to be expected his mission went well. A few hiccups with a couple of rogues but nothing he couldn't handle. Tobirama jumps rooftop to rooftop away from the hokage's tower, now free to go home after submitting his report.

The only thing nagging him was the fact he hadn't received a welcome back tackle from his....his... If anyone were to see him they'd see a soft blush on his cheek. Thoughts of his loud and energetic pup eased the lasting tension in his muscles and warmed up.

N/N inuzuka, A roguishly handsome man who front he moment they meet, made it a habit to take his entire attention. Knowingly or not. At first it was annoying how the cheery male would constantly try to drag him into mundane conversations and bring him furs from animals he hunted.

Embarrassing really, as Tobirama caught on quickly to what he was doing. And felt he was far too old to be courted by someone so young. N/n being in his early 30's but still, Tobirama felt dying and now back again was enough to give him the years of two old (So what if he was forever 34).

Anyway- N/n started this whole thing when he was just 24! Tobirama let out a bemused sigh as he slowed getting to his secluded home.

And yet, N/n got what he wanted. Tobirama fully and happily wrapped around his fingers. And given that outside of solo missions they weren't together , It felt weird to not have N/n bombard his space now that he was back.

Landing on the porch, Tobirama listened as he unlocked the front door (My how the future has advanced was a thought that kept passing his mind).

'He must have taken up a mission while I was out. Odd how he hasn't mentioned that in his last letter.' Stepping in and closing the door behind him Tobirama slips out his sandals just in time to be suddenly yanked further in.

N/n lets out a gruff whine pulling Tobirama close to sniff and run his hands over his form. Looking for any injuries or aches, ignoring Tobirama's sputtering and seeing there was no harm, he lifts the man up. Effortlessly placing him over his shoulders to carry, running a hand up and down the back of his thigh.

"I know I have been gone for some days, but really n/n! Put me down, what is going on with you!" The silver-haired man yelps lightly smacking n/n's back.

Smack

"Ahh! Ngh n-n/n?~" Tobirama moans out in wonder, a N/n gives him a firm slap on his ass, gripping and massaging the cheek afterward. The wolf huffs and tosses him onto the bed, tobirama blinks as he's being tossed onto the bed.

He watches as N/n eyes him from above, face flushed and fangs bared. N/n's eyes were hooded and dark with hunger, loose pants tented enough that there was no point hiding it.

"You were gone for too long tobi~" N/n purrs out finally, his voice was raspy and a growl trailed just after the words, sending shivers down tobirama's spine.

Oh. He could already imagine he will be out of commission for the rest of the week. His legs already trembling and spreading to allow N/n in.

N/n hums softly pressing tobirama down onto his back. "Of course, if you're sore or tired from your mission-"

"Fuck me."

And with that, the last of N/n's restraint snapped. Claws greedily tore and tossed off the clothes on tobirama, leaning down to eagerly lock and bite at the man's neck and chest.

"N/n! Ah- mm those were-" Rama (fuck it typing this instead of his full name) starts dispite his hands running through N/ns' hair to tug him closer.

"I don't care. We'll buy new ones." N/n growls tilting his head to get a look at the marks he left on the pale neck, before continuing on down.

Semi distracted with trying to mark every spot his mouth could reach, N/n uses his left hand to nudge rama's left leg up and over his shoulder; his right spreading the other.

Rama, having been biting his lips to cover up and muffle his raspy moans, hisses in embarrassment at being so thoroughly exposed. His own hands trying to come down to cover his twitching and flush cock. One glare from N/n stopped him in his tracks.

"N-N/n, please." He keens impatient and is already on edge. And well, seeing his bites litter his mates' chest and stomach, N/n decides to move on (he'll come back to the marking during the second round anyway).

Chuckling N/n gives his mate what he wants being a bit sadistic in taking his time in grabbing lube. Slicking up his fingers and Rama's greedy hole, he wastes no time in pressing and then thrusting two fingers into it.

Focusing on Rama's whimpers and desperate moans, N/n curled his fingers to brush and hit Rama's prostate. Cock twitching in his pants feeling the greedy hole tighten and suck his fingers in. Not able to help himself, N/n scouts up to flick his tongue against the rim, pumping his fingers faster and deeper.

"N-N/N!!!" Rama shouts arching his back and throwing his left leg over n/n's shoulder to try and press him closer. N/n's fingers and tongue overwhelmed him to the point of trembling and rolling his eyes to the back of his head.

Rama's shudders as he feels the large amount of precum he was leaking join the mess N/n was making of his hole. "P-please~" Rama sobs out, reaching to tug his hair for his attention. With a groan, N/n pulls out and back licking his lips eyes hooded.

"Sorry~ You're hole is just so cute and tasty-" cutting him off Rama yanked him up into a messy deep kiss, a trembling hand sliding down to grasp and pump N/n's thick cock.

Pulling back a little Rama stares darkly into N/n's eyes, he pants out. "If you don't fuck me right now pup I will through you down and fuck myself on your knot myself."

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Edit Nov.8.2023: Writing smut is so funny to me tbh

#male reader #top male reader #x male reader #Tobirama x male reader

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fascinationuniformed · 8 months

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On why I have slowed down, and plans for the future

Oh, hey. Look at that. I have been so focused on my day job (more on that later) that I hadn't even realised Patreon changed layouts and UI. Neat. I hate it.

Okay, so. To the point.

As you may or may not know, my day job involves running a small design business. Over the last couple of years, I was able to juggle the workload of this business and all my other projects such as Fascination Uniformed and others quite well.

However, a good problem has reared its head. Since my dad passed away in February, I found myself increasingly busy. Not just "oh, I am busy, but can draw some more in the evening" but more like "I need to work longer, at all hours, all the time" and I am constantly playing catch up. Part of it is learning to deal with the good news of doing better with the business, the other is... well, dealing with my own mental health. The passing of my father has made me less capabale at keeping too much information in my head as it used to be the case, and now I am having to learn entirely new systems to hold myself responsible, accountable, and happy.

So, Fascination Uniformed has suffered. My other projects have suffered. Hell, my garden has suffered too.

So, what am I doing to correct this?

First of all, on top of my day-to-day and the process of buying a house (wahoo for me), I am doing an audit of all ongoing, present, future, and required tasks. My day job takes priority, but I am also trying to organise my other projects.

I have always been unwilling to use "productivity software" of any kind because I hate the UIs and I often find that they are more work than keeping stuff on a whiteboard. However... I may need this now, to be honest. So I welcome options.

I am hoping that by the end of the week I'll have a sort of plan.

What does it mean for Patreon and Fascination Uniformed?

First of all, I am finishing or starting a lot of the promised sketches and commissions. Once that is out of the way, then I'll start thinking about developing my own website and an alternative system of patronage. While Patreon has served me well, I am starting to smell the same shite that has made Twitter, Deviantart and other platforms very hard to work with. So, come next year, I will have some sort of website that will house galleries of all my work, but will allow you to do donations as of when. I think I would rather you do that, than for something like Patreon to continue to get worse and worse. Early stages, early ideas. Once I have some, I'll ask your opinion first and foremost.

So, yeah. I am sorry I haven't got any art for you at the moment. But, if you've been following me a while, you know that I go through periods of over production and periods of drought.

The good times will return. Until then, I appreciate your attention, your patience, and your support.

#blog #update

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bisexuallilapitts · 11 months

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I'm not feeling well and ranting about Tua S2 is my default so I thought I'd put some thought into what I'd change about the storylines for my own (personal) entertainment

Disclaimer I am not a writer, I just have opinions and this got way longer than I anticipated (especially the Viktor bit) so it's all under read more

Luther - I actually don't mind Luther's storyline too much, or what little he had going on anyway - it does make sense that he'd seek out another figure to fill the hole that his distrust in Reginald created, it makes sense that he is once again being used by that figure for their own gain, and it makes sense that he finally sticks it to Reginald in 2x06 - I just wish there was more of that and less of whatever the fuck they were doing with him and Allison (can they not just be friends please god) - I feel like expanding on his parental figure issues also just fits great with S3 and his confrontation with Reggie - and trying to trust someone who has betrayed him only to be stabbed (quite literally) in the back for trusting again

Diego - I'm just gonna be honest and say Diego should have spent longer in the 60s than a couple of months, maybe switching the dates Diego and Luther arrived, I don't know - a little more insight into how Lila got close to Diego in the asylum, and more time expanding on how therapy and his time in the 60s changed him, and expanding on the racism he endured in S2 not just with the asylum guards - it's something he and Allison talk about in S3 amd it's no doubt something they both grew up dealing with

Allison - again, very little Id change other than keeping it going for longer, it seems like after 2x06 racism stops existing in S2 (other than one mention) and so do all the characters Allison's interacted with at this point beyond Ray, obviously there's only so much you can fit into 10 45 minute episodes and the last three barely have any outside interactions beyond the commission but I still think even just one shot of Odessa, Ray and the others hearing about Allison being linked to JKFs death was warranted

Klaus - oh Klaus, I could go on for days about you - I am a firm Klaus joining an anti war movement truther, hell I even like the ghost cult theory that people had going on, I just feel like nobody really knew what to do with Klaus in S2 - and he was very much disjointed from the rest of the characters in the way that was obvious - yes he was in s1 and S3 (S3 again slightly more obvious with it than S1) but he was also connected to the main plot, S2 he was doing his own thing pretty much 99% of the season and it only served as more disconnect - I'm not saying he needed to be a main character, he wasn't in s1 and he still had things going on, I'm saying that it's at least expected that if everyone else is related to the plot by coincidence and what else, and Klaus is just there, why is Klaus there? What is he providing? S1, he had a hand in the apocalypse as much as everyone else, and it's sadly missing here.

Five - This is related to Diego too, but it fits more with the Five stuff. Drop the Handler stuff, just completely drop it. She didn't need to come back, have AJ take her place. And if you're gonna bring in the Commission then set them up firmly against Five (and by extension the other Hargreeves) for fucking with time - set it up that Five is dangerous and AJ knows it, that he's building an army (2x10) to try take Five down - his own adopted daughter (Lila) included, no deals, no bargains, AJ wants to destroy Five for even daring to try stop the apocalypse, and he's more ruthless than the Handler to get his way - and let Five get the satisfaction of killing him

Ben - I would say drop the possession stuff but that is plot relevant so maybe change it around to be on a more consensual sort of weird thing Klaus and Ben do - it could still be funny, with the siblings talking to Ben and Ben trying to act as Klaus (for whatever reason) and because Klaus is pretty much a strange character to his siblings already they don't question how wildly out of character he's acting ie "Because that is a thing, I, Klaus Hargreeves, do." "Uh? Sure buddy." / "I think I'm really nailing acting like you." Meanwhile the siblings side eyeing Ben acting as Klaus but they just don't know what the fuck is going on - and just for extra funsies (aka pain) have it established to Ben that he knows possessing Klaus (and by extension anyone else) is slowly destroying him but he wants to be a part of the family again, and he wants to experience life again so badly that he keeps going, and going, until he ends up passing on helping Viktor - and let that be part of the message with Klaus

Viktor - ohohoho where do I even begin? I think the only thing I will be leaving untouched is Sissy and Harlan, the rest? Gone. Personally I am not a fan of amnesia storylines, but Viktor needs to almost end the world somehow, right, and come to terms with his childhood trauma and the end of S1 somehow and doing it off screen hardly seems fair

I'm so glad you asked :) so Viktor, following have a gun go off by his ear and getting hit by a car goes deaf in one ear and it's affecting his powers obviously cause they're related to hearing at least somewhat - he's losing control, or can't make them work when he wants and he feels like the progress he made is thrown back as well as feeling conflicted and guilty for using them after what happened, after almost killing Allison - but still angry at his siblings for what they did and a lot of conflicting emotions also fuelling his powers being out of control

He's desperately trying to hide his powers (not the LGBTQ+ Merlin metaphor) from Sissy, Harlan and Carl and maintain the life he's created in the 60s but it's growing increasingly more difficult and only adding to his stress

So when he sees Luther again, he's obviously feeling a lot - happy to see someone he knows, anger, pained, guilty, confused - maybe even feeling like an outcast again, assuming that they all knew where each other was this entire time and left him out again - and leaves before Luther can talk to him, the conflicting emotions and his powers make something happen in Sissy's house (idk maybe something breaks enough to scare Viktor into leaving before he thinks he'll hurt someone else) and bumping into the Swedes and meeting Five again, and this time they properly talk it out - Viktor seeing the hurt he caused Five during his years in the apocalypse, even if the events that led to the apocalypse weren't only his fault, he admits fault for his part in it, and Five, aptly says something like, "You were a cog in a machine, Viktor. If not you, it would've been someone else, the Commission made sure of that." And it's clear they've at least talked it out somewhat to be able to trust each other

The second Luther and Viktor reunion is still hard - Luther apologises like in canon, and Viktor is wary of his sincerity, pointing out the last time he trusted Luther he was locked in the basement - Luther admits that he has no reason to be trusted, but he'll prove it to Viktor if he can - and it's cautious predicament with the two of them from here on out, eventually Viktor and Luther both realising the positions they were manipulated into by Harold and Reginald (and Pogo) and their own actions respectively

The other reunions and slightly less tense - Diego and Viktor's being the most tense of the remaining three - but again, they both apologise - Diego's therapy and Viktor's own realisations with the apocalypse playing a part, and it's slightly cold but still forgiveness, Allison is still trying to deal with her own problems in the 60s along with pushing down any of the negative feelings she has about what happened in S1 so it plays very much the same s1 to S3 wise but maybe Viktor is more wary of Allison's forgiveness, and Klaus is the one with the least stake in that plotline

So, okay, he's made up with the majority of the siblings, his emotions are under control, and his powers are more or less under control, how does he cause the end of the world? I'm still so glad you asked besties BC here's the plot twist he doesn't - in which I'll explain, so how does Ben still help Viktor and end up dying but it's nothing to do with the end of the world, and what about the apocalypse at the beginning of s2 - it's all been set up to look like Viktor will cause the apocalypse again in Five (and the audiences) eyes

So why does Ben help Viktor and end up passing on? Instead of running away with Sissy, Viktor tries to decide to stay in the 60s instead - it's not ideal but if he can't bring Sissy with him, then he'll stay, it's the obvious solution only Carl isn't happy with that - and the gun fight ensues - the gun going off throwing Viktor back to the theatre and into a flashback - one no one can reach him in - except Ben

And they still have their talk, and Viktor manages to find his own peace with what happened

So how does the world end? Well, the Commission being dickheads and AJ manipulating Lila for a reason bb with something like this going down between AJ and Five

"Today, tomorrow, next week, almost sixty years from now, it doesn't matter. It's all the same to me."

"Time matters, you can't erase all that time. It'll cause a paradox that could destroy the universe!" (Hello S3 hint) "Surely the rest of the Commission don't see it that way."

"The world was always doomed to end, and your pathetic attempt to save it only doomed it and your siblings faster. I'd almost congratulate you, Five, you managed to fail so incredibly that you made my own job easier."

They figure out the Commission are targeting the Federal building to make it look like an attack and start a nuclear war with Hazel's tape, and stop it from being blown up in time, but bad news - Harlan still has powers and AJ's army is ready and 2x10 plays out basically the same

And where is Reggie in all this? Keeping an eye on what's happening in the background - having his own people investigate the siblings and keeping note of their powers which will come bite them in S3 - he's not explicitly a part but he's definitely doing something in the background

And then, Sparrows.

#i dont claim for any of this to make sense #i just have thoughts and again im not a writer these are just my own opinions #the umbrella academy #umbrella academy #tua #tua s2 #ill tag as neg just in case #tua negativity

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theviridianbunny · 3 months

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WIP WHENEVER (11.02.24)

@ouroboros-hideout and @aggravateddurian both tagged me for WIP whenever (thank you both !!)

so here are a few things i've been working on recently (inbetween brainfog and RSD , extra shifts at work, fighting a head cold and screaming crying because my ipad charger broke - but i have a new one now so i am no longer screaming over that-)

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NEW BLORBO IN THE MAKING: EDITH NOX

Do I have to many cp2077 blorbos that are under developed? hell yeah I do-! Meet Edith - my newest blorbo who i've only had for like two days but i'm already trying to figure out how she's slotting herself into Viridian's canon as an NPC (like all my other cp2077 blorbos who aren't viri - they all become NPCs within her canon !!) It's still early days for this lady - everything is mega blury and hazey but thinks will fall into place. All I know for certain is She's gonna bully Bryce Mosely (affectionately !!) and be an aroace queen (we love to see it!)

UPDATING AMRIN'S FACE TEXTURE (aka wolvenkit hell)

When taking vp of Amrin (aka M0CK1NGKAY) recently- it came to a conclusion she looks to young - as of the year 2077 - Amrin is in her mid to late 40s - and I really want to try to replicate that on her skin texture. I've been trying to edit her skin by laying npc textures (for now i just pulled the "old rouge" texture because it was the first one that came to mind) with my custom burn scar. Things WILL need editing/tweaking/ blending- but Amrin is starting to feel more like her - slowly but surely.... For now i only have that one shot of her updated skin texture as my game crashed soon after i tried to take more vp *cries in british-*

ART COMMISSIONS

Cropped WIp shot of a couple portarit for @aggravateddurian - featuring his ocs ! progress has been slower than usual due to my ipad charager giving up the ghost (but i'm back on it now - and it should be finished very soon- I know I always say - but Durian - thank you for your on going patience and understanding!!)

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tagging (with no pressure): @marazhaiaezyrraesh @dustymagpie @wanderingaldecaldo @withoutyouimsaskia @bethesdas @socially-awkward-skeleton @lilacmox @artabella-art @highblooddrumming @valsilverhand and you!

#wip wednesday #bunny makes mods #cyberpunk 2077 #cp2077

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cateyesinlove · 11 months

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Can I have this dance?

Art by @faetyrr.official

Commissioned by me

Pairing: Gwyn x Emerie

For @gwynweekofficial last day I bring you this wonderful Gwynerie piece and art 🥰

Where could he be?” Gwyn thought about looking for Azriel. She had told him to see her on the dance floor so she could help him shake off his bad mood, after all that’s what friends did.

Friends..

She could hardly believe she had so many of them now. She had Nesta, Cassian and Azriel, alongside the other priestesses in Valkyrie training. She also had Emerie, who was more than a friend but also neither of them had made a move to cement.

She kept looking from left to right, scanning the ballroom where nestas mating ceremony was being held, when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She tensed until she realized it was Emerie’s hand.

She smiled at the Illyrian in front of her, she looked stunning and breathtaking with her golden dress. Gwyn had always thought that Emeries presence resembled the sun. Warm and bright, Illuminating every room she walked to.

A light among the darkness of the night.

“ Are you okay?” Emerie asked with concern.

“ Oh yes, yes everything is fine Emerie,” Gwyn smiled, laying her hand on top of her friends.

“ I just saw you looking everywhere, I was concerned you weren’t feeling okay and were looking for the way out,” Emerie said, smirking.

“Oh so you came to my rescue?” She joked.

“ Absolutely, as a Valkyrie it is my responsibility and duty to rescue all damsels in distress” winking at Gwyn, Emerie grabbed her hand and kissed it, never breaking eye contact.

Gwyn snorted and then hid her face between her hands as she blushed.

Emerie chuckled enamored with Gwyn’s reactions.

“What or who were you looking for?” Emerie asked, blushing at how cute Gwyn looked.

“ I’m looking for Azriel” Gwyn answered, still laughing slightly, a bit embarrassed of how easy Emerie could make her blush.

One of Emerie’s eyebrows lifted in curiosity, “What are you looking him for?”’

“ Oh! He was in a terrible mood last time I saw him,” Gwyn explained, “So I told him after the cake he should come and dance.”

“That might be hard,” Emerie winced.

‘’Why?” Gwyn asked, concerned, “Is he okay?”

“‘Oh yeah,'' Emerie answered rapidly, “ I just think it might be hard getting him out on the dance floor when he is too busy chasing after the middle Archeron.” Emerie answered wiggling her eyebrows

Gwyn gasped and covered her mouth with her hands, “Really? He went after her?” She asked eagerly.

Emerie nodded chuckling, “ Yes, saw her bolting out of here and him not long after”

Gwyn sighed content, “ How romantic,”’

Emerie nodded, “ Who would have thought the shadowsinger was such a romantic,”

Gwyn noded, “Can you imagine if he comes tomorrow to training with a smile?!”

Emerie gasped exaggeratedly , “ What if he actually laughs or even makes a joke!”

Gwyn put her hand on her forehead dramatically, continuing with the teasing, “ The world is ending!”

Emerie snorted and laughed loud enough that even some couples turned to look at them. Nesta who was dancing with Nyx looked up at her friends and shook her head smiling. Finally they were both giving each other the chance of true happiness.

Emerie rested her forehead on Gwyn’s shoulder while grabbing her stomach, “ You never cease to surprise me Gwyn,” she said.

Gwyn smiled, “Thank you,” she said, making a small curtsy.

Emerie parted from Gwyn and offered her hand, “ Well since a certain shadowsinger is no longer available, would you do me the honor of dancing with me” She said winking at Gwyn, “ I hope I am a good enough substitute”

She smiled, “ You are even better than the first options,” she joked, winking back.

Emerie grabbed her hand and twirled her. Gwyn gracefully spun and held on to emeries shoulder once she finished. Both giggling and blushing, a first love blossoming between them.

Gwyn grabbed Emerie’s hands and started to dance with her, moving back and forth. Enjoying their time together, laughing and feeling free.

They danced until their feet hurt, until everyone else went to sit down.

Eventually they walked out of the ballroom and sat down on the stairs, looking at the stars.

Gwyn rested her head on Emerie’s shoulder and wrapped her arms around Emerie’s left one. “Did you ever wish for a mate?”

Emerie thought about it for a bit, “ No,” she said and turned to look at gwyn. “ Maybe it would be nice, you know? But I also think there is a beauty in falling for someone, even if it’s not meant to be.” She continued while looking at gwyns eyes, her sight traveling slowly to her lips.

Gwyn saw Emeries gaze traveling to her lips and slowly got closer to her, “ I always dreamed of one up until one,” she whispered looking her directly in her eyes.

Emerie closed the distance in an instant and held her cheek. Gwyn closed her eyes the minute their lips crashed, she fully turned her body to be facing Emerie. The kiss was slow and tender, soft.

Gwyn pulled away from the kiss first, blushing and with teary eyes. “ How long?”

Emerie, equally blushing, stunned by the kiss, answered “ I’m not sure,” she said holding Gwyn’s face between her hands, “ I just know that, one day I couldn’t stop looking at you and smiling whenever you smile. I couldn’t stop thinking about you”

Gwyn hugged her and hid her face on her neck.

They stayed there hugging and enjoying the feeling of being on each others arms.

#gwynweekofficial #gwynweek #gwynweek2023 #emerie and gwyn #gwynerie art #gwynerie #gwyn acosf #gwyn berdara #gwyneth berdara #emerie #emerie of illyria #emerie acotar #emerie acosf #gwyn x emerie #emerie x gwyn #I will never shut up about moon Gwyn and sun Emerie

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derfisch-draws · 1 year

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I wanted to apologize to all commissioners who are waiting on me and see the influx of art I've been putting. I had been running through my queue pretty rapidly for a few weeks, but I suddenly got sick with something that's seriously affecting my ability to get out of bed for longer than a couple hours a day, let alone sit down and focus on drawing. I've been to the ER twice now about concerning symptoms, but they can't pinpoint the problem, and I'm trying to get an appointment with my doctor as soon as possible

as things are, I have no way of shrinking my queue, so I can't in good conscience accept more commissions at this time. but unfortunately I am poor and this is my only income, so the bit of money I have in checking is all I have right now, and I still have one more month of rent to pay before I move somewhere I can afford easier. if you're able, I would really appreciate a donation to my ko-fi while I sort things out

#mutual aid

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drfoxweyman · 9 months

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State of personal affairs (IMPORTANT)

(TL;DR will be towards the bottom for those who don’t wanna read my ramblings, but I’d prefer you did since this is important.) Hey everyone, hope you’re all doing well, I’ll cut to the point by saying that I am not. For the past… We’ll say couple of months I’ve been on something of a mental health spiral, and it hasn’t really gotten any better save for my time at the Con. Which was a nice, but very brief reprieve. The whys of this dip in my well being are pretty varied, and some of it I’m not really able to talk about, whether for personal reasons or respect for others. But to put it broadly, work has been stressful, home has been stressful, my health has been stressful, everything has been stressful, and as it stands I don’t think I can keep up with things right now. So I’m taking a small break from working on commissions, and allowing myself a bit more breathing room when it comes to my streams (which is to say the next few streams may be much smaller scale, more chill chatting streams.)

Now before any of you who commissioned me recently panic: With my current comms I will still be updating you guys, just at a slower rate than normal, I don’t intend to leave you guys in the lurch. But if by the time I’m done with them I still feel this bad, I probably won’t reopen my queue like I’ve been doing nonstop for the past while now. At least if I can financially help it… Streams like I said are gonna be a bit more lax. I’ll probably finish Pinkie Tower, but after that? I dunno, chatting and maybe some light doodling. Dunno how this will affect Sinner’s Saturday since some kind of income would be nice, but this week we’re definitely doing something different, just have to figure out what. And yes, I still owe you guys that Discord movie night, we’ll be doing that soon. As for how long this time off is gonna be? No clue, it might only be a few days honestly, but the longest I’m giving myself is two weeks cause I just can’t afford any longer than that. And speaking of “affording”, it’s time for literally my least favourite part of the job. The shilling™️. I probably won’t really be making much if any money during this period, so if you ever wanted to support my work with a nice tip. Now would be the time. You have no idea how much even a small tip of a few dollars can help.https://ko-fi.com/foxweyman I’m not gonna sugar coat this folks. I make peanuts on my work. That’s no one’s fault, it's just the nature of being both a small artist and streamer, it’s something I’ve come to peace with as a fact of my career choices. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t stress me out. Part of why I can never usually take breaks at all is because I literally can’t afford to.

I have rent to pay, phone bills, internet, electricity bills, hormone pills, pet expenses including; food, potential vet visits, toys, poo bags, cat litter, etc. I have to have money saved up incase of an emergency whether personal or work related (computer parts need replacing, tablet needs replacing etc), then there's house expenses; food, toilet paper, cleaning supplies; replacing anything we need etc. It’s a lot, even with our packed house.

The only reason I'm able to go to Furnal Equinox or Canfurence is because I start saving up money month after month after month as a treat to myself, and even when there I tend to bring my work so I can get my commission queue done faster and reopen them again as soon as the con is done.

I’ve been told to raise my prices but let’s be honest, I’m not at the level where I can charge hundreds upon hundreds of dollars for pieces, and while this may be a pessimistic view of my work, I probably won’t be able to any time soon. Same with stream goals, I don’t feel like there’s much I can offer right now that would be worth $500 goals or something.

I’d open a merch shop or something but that would be even more stressful upkeep, and again let’s be real. My reach isn’t big enough for that and you can only sell the same merch to the same customer base for so long.

I apologize if it seems like I’m ragging on about the money, but of all the things I’m dealing with it’s the easiest to talk about because it’s something I think at least a few of you can relate to. That and the more personal troubles cut a bit deeper and I’m not sure I even really wanna talk about them because I don’t like dragging you guys down with me. We’ve made an awesome little community and I don’t need to be hurting you with my problems. Is that the healthiest way of looking at it? No probably not but there it is.

Above all that though I just want some more time to myself and the people I care about, not fretting every second that “I could be working” or “I could be monetizing this”, instead of focusing on improving my mental health so I can be a better creator for you guys, and a better person for me. I wanna draw for myself again,even if it’s just low stakes doodles or barely cohesive comic pages, or hell even just to work on my poor draftwomanship .I wanna let myself play some games and not think “Oh I have to stream this”, every time I do. I wanna be able to go out with my loved ones and not constantly be thinking “WHY AM I NOT WORKING ON COMMISSIONS???”

So TL;DR taking a light break, not sure how long exactly, will keep current customers in the loop, streams aren’t going anywhere but may be a bit different, please tip to the ko-fi so I can stay afloat during this time https://ko-fi.com/foxweyman

For those that read through, thank you so much, it means the world that you care enough about my mental health to drudge through my ravings. You’re truly the best part of this job. A wonderful community that I can just chat and be honest with, I can laugh and joke with you all without fear or anxiety. That’s exceedingly rare these days and I couldn’t be more appreciative of you lot.

That in mind, this took awhile to write, my hands are hurting, and I wanna go lie down, maybe allow myself a good cry. Thanks everyone. <3

- Blaire,“Drfoxweyman”

#real life #irl #important #text psot #long #rambling #art #artist #streamer #support #kofi #ko fi support #mental health

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thewollfgang · 3 months

Note

A little update before I proceed to babble: The vibes are no longer vibing. A couple days ago I had just completely packed everything away (besides the essentials) when I got the news that my new place won't be ready till (maybe) April. There's no problem with staying a while longer at my current place but it's a majorly infuriating inconvenience as you can imagine. Why say it was "move-in ready" when it's not? Anyway, I haven't slacked on practising drawing our fangy boy. The sketches are coming out better than I thought they ever would (though I'm sure if I tried to draw a different face it would look like shit XD).

Babble: Seeing your Lucifer reblogs makes my heart ache, in a good(?) way. Does it sound stupid to say, though, that no matter how much I love Lucifer, I don't think I can watch it again? I can watch clips and stuff but I can't exactly explain the feeling I get when I think of rewatching it, especially concerning season 6. I guess I want to memorialize those feelings I got watching S6 when it came out, to not... overwrite them by watching it again I suppose. I dunno, it's a bit hard to articulate any better than that. It sounds dumb, even to me but at the same time, it makes sense? I really don't know lol. I don't feel this way with any other show I've watched, and I think it has something to do with how beautifully it ended (I cannot hear MCR without thinking about the end). They wrapped it up with such care and with so much thought behind everything, it's almost like they set out to completely ruin me for any other show. Lucifer set the bar too high, and someone superglued it in place.

Aw man, just when you've got your ducks in a row the pond's dried up. Well, at least April isn't that far away. Is there any place you can voice your complaints to? Sometimes it helps to give the wheels a push. I haven't been drawing much, but I did set aside some monies to commission one of my fav artists for some bg art which i am pleased by immensely. I'm gonna get it printed and place it on my shelf.

I've really been enjoying the resurgence of Lucifer love, so I figured I would do my part and reblog some sets. Plus i have like 7k likes and need to get those in a queue dear god. I was bracing myself when you mentioned s6! It seems all I see these days is negatively to it was a breath of fresh air to read your feelings about it. I'm fairly neutral when it comes to the final season. There were things that worked for me and things that didn't, but in the end, Chloe and Lucifer are together forever and that's what I wanted. The absolutely ridiculous nonsense on twitter gives me an apoplexy.

Anyways, I'm glad you sent an ask in, I have been thinking of you lately! Hopefully things will work out with the new place soon (fingers crossed) and always feel free to pop in and chat about life, bg, or lucifer! I'm all pointy ears, my love.

#see what i did there #bg3 #bg anon

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docholligay · 9 months

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Doc's Big Labor Day Sale

Hello and welcome worthy friends! Celebrate your own labor by purchasing mine! As many of you know, I recently was given a chance to go on a vacation I can't otherwise afford. Jill's moving off emergency in October, and while we will absolutely be fine, and she very very much needs to, we won't have as much cash rolling in as before, and so if I want to A) buy myself some things for the trip and B) pay for some meals and maybe even a hotel night, so as not to be a complete fucking mooch, I need to raise the cash! (The Patreon will pause in December)

This is where you come in! I have nice things below that you may want to buy, things that come up in limited quantities when available and that I have moved my schedule around to accommodate.

For everything:

First come, first served! First in my inbox, first to claim. If you're second, I will keep you on hold in case person one does not pay. (I'll tell you of course)

I do NOT have to like the item. If we want me to read something and do a positive only review…I mean I guess it’s not OFF the table, but the price would be highly variable and that would be something we’d want to discuss privately before any money changed hands. Not relevant to this moment. Also, this is not a space for Holligay Hates stuff where I'm intentionally being baited, and if I feel I'm being baited I reserve the right to call it off. (Though I am possibly open to that kind of work? We'd have to talk price though it can be emotionally exhausting)

What lovely things can you purchase? And what will I be getting with these fine moneys?

A book review (Delivered in September)SOLD : $85, includes full reading of any book up to 500 pages (longer than that isn’t off limits, just come talk to me) and a 2,000 word at least review of the book. You are absolutely allowed and encouraged to send me questions you’d like me address in the review, or themes you’d like me to touch on. Not a requirement though!

I have the right to veto a book and refund you, but, I’m actually not sure what that would be, in fairness. I just want to put out there I have the right to do it.

Must be available in physical form. (Though ironically I’m doing this to buy a kobo because I think I might like it? Maybe? I don’t know, in any case it would be helpful for travel)

Payment must be made within 2 days of us closing the deal. I'll contact you, I have a couple of ways to pay

What am I getting with this commission? I need a small purse to carry around (Because I'm going to need an umbrella in the UK in winter) Here's what I'm looking at getting!

A weekend of liveblog SOLD (September 23-24): $230, This is exactly what it sounds like, two days in a row of four hours of liveblog! A great idea if you want to do a whole opening episode of an anime or continue something that I've done in the past!

I am open to doing almost anything, but as with everything, I have the right to veto the show you would like to do. If you have something you think might be a little odd, you can always talk to me! I don't get mad about saying no, as long as you're fine with knowing it's a possibility.

What I'm looking to buy with this: I would really like a pair of heeled tie shoes! I have a couple different options but this so far is my top pick, a very nice set of leather shoes that I will be able to wear for years.

Movie Review SOLD: (Delivered in September) $120, a review of any movie up to 2 hours 10 minutes. Longer movies are not off the table but will cost. My process for this is very long; details at the top of this review

But if you want to get my eyes on a movie you would really like to watch me analyze, boy is this the way to do it! I always reserve the right to veto, but there's very little I would veto.

What I will buy with this:

I am very grateful to my mother but also feel like a little bit of a loser, so we're going to go to York and I want to treat her to a true tapas meal, which she's never had before! She'll fucking love it, and this will provide us with a really nice meal and "service charge."

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kunstpause · 1 year

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Writer's Game: First Sentences

Got tagged by @elveny - thank you! ♥

I am on here so rarely that I barely know who to tag in these things anymore, but I'm gonna try @elfyourmother @dandelionofthanatos @semper-draca @kireon @rinzukodas @tishinada @corevocation-observatory @crimsonsynastry @curiousthimble

And feel free to grab this even if I didn't tag you please ^^

Rules: post the first sentence of your last ten fics. If you haven't written ten fics, share as many first sentences as you have.

This was a fun one, hope you enjoy

1. Original Novel, not yet published

She faintly remembers a time when libraries used to be some of her favorite places to be.

2. a striking change of form and function (EmetWol, XIV)

Sometimes Emet-Selch wonders if he has lived too long.

3. Equinox (EmetWol, XIV)

The sun is getting low over Mor Dhona.

4. Remains (EmetWol AU, XIV)

"You look like death warmed over."

5. Brittle (ZenosWol, XIV)

Rory should have known that Zenos is not a man for empty threats or promises.

6. Rewards (ThancredxUriangerxHythlodaeusxEmet-Selch, XIV)

He knows Thancred better than anybody else in the world.

7. Somnus (HaurcheWol, XIV)

It's still early, no longer the pitch black of the middle of the night, but not yet light enough that people have begun to rise for the day.

8. A Slice of Paradise (HythEmetWol, XIV)

Morning light floods the room, and rays of sunlight tickle your nose and slowly, gently draw you out of your deep slumber.

9. Small Breaks (EstinienWol, XIV)

Being the Warrior of Light and having her face known throughout the realm sometimes comes with a downside.

10. Soul Surrender - Ouroboros (EmetWol, XIV)

Sometimes, in the depth of night, you lose sight of who you are.

A couple of commissions in this list, the only way you can get me to give you more variety than just EmetWol, it seems. 😅

#tag game #Kunstpause writes stuff #a lot of stuff and all the time

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purringfayestudio · 1 year

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Future Commissions

I get the occasional question/comment about commissions, so I wanted to lay out my plans.

Timing

Probably second half of 2023.

Frequency will depend on how the first opening goes.

Openings

Announcements will go up on all my social media sites and I'll accept requests for 1-2 weeks. (I will post more info beforehand to give people time to prep though.)

Quotes will be open only during that time. I'll have a page that lists examples and prices available beforehand.

I'll post a Google Form (or equivalent) for you to fill out to submit your request, attach reference photos, etc.

Base prices will be listed but there will be a spot to enter higher offers; no guarantee but it might give your submission a higher chance of being selected if I have several that I really want to make.

No IP or licensed work. Only real animals or original characters/species you own.

Unfortunately I will probably only open within the US at first due to international shipping headaches. But I will still consider some countries on a case-by-case basis. (I'm only a part-time artist; my full-time job eats my brain so not much is left for international law nonsense.)

Selections

From the submitted requests, I'll choose 1-3 requests that use patterns I've already designed that I am interested in making. (All available designs will be listed on the Google Form for reference.)

I may take 1 request for a new pattern which will have a much longer turn-around time and higher price. FYI I probably won't take original species or unique character builds unless the offer is high since I won't have much (if any) other use for that pattern.

I'll email those I've selected and confirm design and price.

Payments

Via PayPal invoice.

Generic animals or non-OC designs can be paid after it's made. Earlier payment accepted of course. If you have to back out I can still easily refund and sell it as a premade.

OCs/OS's: must be paid in full up front, no returns or refunds once completed and only partial refunds once work has started unless we agree on reasonable design modifications for public sale (NOT guaranteed).

Payment plans accepted, but shipping (for generic) or work (originals) is held until full payment is complete. No longer than 90 days.

Communications/Updates

All communications will go through email. It must be the email connected to your PayPal. Social media isn't reliable and things get easily buried, so no DMs.

Commissions will be added to my Trello. I love updating it so it'll be an easy place to check on status.

Because art is a part-time thing after my full-time job, progress will be slow. While I plan to punch out commissions in a row, it still may take a few months to get through all of them. I'll send out email updates every couple weeks, and more often once I begin work on your commission.

Progress will also be posted to my social media sites. You can choose whether you want to be tagged or anonymous.

Ghosting for over a set number of days (such as 7 days for selection confirmation/questions/approvals, or 30 for invoicing, etc.) will have the commission dropped and refunds issued as described above. (Unless pre-warned, like if you're going on vacation or something.)

All of this will be posted again before my openings. I'll also post the full terms and policies closer to opening. I just wanted to give a general idea of what to expect since I've been getting some inquiries.

There will also be premades available through various means (shop, auction, etc.) which I'll share once closer.

#purringfaye info #I like knowing what to expect and I suspect a good number of others do too #subject to change based on future state #also posting this so I can link to it for future questions #long post

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damnedrainbows · 1 month

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second day in a row for a bad autistic melt down

and I mean I should be grateful really, it’s been so long since I’ve had a really bad melt down. Been a month maybe, which shows significant improvement. You’d never have known it happened yesterday, I was acting the same as always huh? just left for a couple hours

it’d be nice if I knew what caused them but I don’t. which I learned is an autism thing too. when I have them I have to ask myself ‘did I eat, did I drink, sleep, and go to the bathroom’ to at least check that off. I don’t even know when I’m overstimulated until I have the melt down or the headache

I went into my sensory swing to have it, the safest place to be since mine get…physical. best place to thrash and kick, but I hit the wall.

I just…wanted to draw and watch tv. once upon a time I could have the tv on as background noise and I could bear to listen to my computer fan. I miss the days when I didn’t get exhausted trying to listen to a conversation. was it really only two years ago that I managed to do forty commissions in a single summer? I haven’t been able to finish a page of fucking doodles in three days. now? the person I was literally feels like a fantasy. it feels like when I was functional that was a fever dream.

i don’t even feel like the melt down is done. i just feel like I’m suppressing it, as I have all my life. I knew it was coming. my breathing was tighter and I was more irritated and snapping at everyone, but I don’t know where it came from. I just…want to draw and watch tv. I want to play with my new craft kit my best friend got me.

and yet I went downstairs and even wearing my migraine glasses I felt the need to rip my fucjing face off because of the bright nightlight. I don’t know what to do, and my life falling apart isn’t for lack of trying for fucks sake

I had to leave college every year I attempted it. Three years of failure and it is wild to think how I even managed to complete anything when I have to put my head down after fifteen minutes of doing anything now. my only actual job outside art I was fired after a month because i kept freezing and getting disoriented at the cash!

it’s not lack of trying. my family thinks I’m lazy but jesus I try more than anyone! I never asked for this, I don’t know where my life went. and come to find out, it could be years until I get the official diagnosis because of this wait period? my grandmother is almost ninety, what am I supposed to do when…I have nowhere to go? i can!t support myself. i can’t even go in stores now without getting disoriented. my physical health is worsening as well. I can’t stand for long anymore with how deformed my knees have gotten

sometimes i think i’m not going to live much longer and i’m okay with that.

#very personal under the cut fair warning this is a vent #of an autistic girl at her FUCJING LIMIT #tw vent #autistic burnout #tw negative #tw mental health #tw melt down #tw depression #i just want my life back #i’ve done everything i can to try and get it back but i dpcant

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