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milesmolasses · 10 months

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they’re just people (42miles x african!reader)

— this was a request that I very stupidly deleted

— idek how I fricken did it bruh just read the fic 😭

— miles is nervy cause he’s meeting ur family.

— ⚠️: unedited, reader and miles are aged up to be 17-18 (because it makes sense. what african parent do you know who is letting their child date at 15??), miles having a cute moment with his mom <3

— “senator style” dressing is very common among men in nigeria. look it up and you’ll see what i’m talking about

“you need to calm down.”

you could feel the anxiety radiating off of your boyfriend from a mile away as he was pacing up and down your room, while throwing around a bean bag he found in your drawer. he had quietly snuck in through a window while you were getting ready just to rant to you about how nervous he was.

a birthday party.

your mother had told you to bring him to a birthday party being held for your cousins at a venue. she thought it would be a nice idea to see how he would interact with the rest of your family (and to see if he was any good with children.) in miles' head, he was hoping for a small get-together like you had when you met his mom and uncle.

as he came over to you and and wrapped his arms around your waist he said, “mami, tell me to calm down one more time and I might explode.”

“eww don’t do that I don’t wanna have to clean up your guts,” you joked as you turned to kiss his cheek.

turning around in his arms, you pushed him away from you slightly to examine what was in front of you. miles was freshly dressed in a matching blue “senator style” shirt and pants. you reached for his newly braided braids as you brought them forward to lay on his shoulders. “you look extremely handsome. they’re going to like you, okay?”

he huffed as he rolled his shoulder back, a little tense from all the worrying he’s been doing. “okay.”

when miles snuck out your window and went back to his own home, his mother caught a glimpse of what he was wearing.

“wow, te ves bien. where are you going?” his mother asked sounding impressed by how her son had cleaned up so nicely.

“i’m meeting the parents…” he mumbled looking at the floor. she could tell his nerves were getting the best of him by how his eyes were darting around the room and not maintaining eye contact.

“oh wow, that’s why you’re dressed like this huh?”

“yup”

Rio sighed as she went up to her son, placing both her hands to rest upon his shoulders.

“miles, you listen to me. they are just people. they can’t hurt you, okay? and judging by the person they raised, they’re good people,” she reassured him the best she could as she slid her hands down his arms, rubbing small circles to sooth him.

“what if they don’t like me?”

Rio sighed as her eyes darted to the side, thinking of what to say. she suddenly stepped away from miles as she put her index and thumb on her chin. she began to circle around miles, examining everything about him.

miles could only stand there confused as to why his mom was inspecting every inch of his body. “uh.. ma?” she put a finger to her lips to shush him, still looking and studying him while deep in thought. until she finally came to a stop right in front of him.

“mmk now, ask me what I see when i look at you.”

“ma w-what are you-”

“shhh play along! now ask me what I see, ¡vamos!”

miles threw his arms up and let them fall down in defeat. “fine, what d’ you see mami?”

Rio smiled as she grabbed her sons hands into her own.

“I see the boy I raised,” she explained. “I see him in all his glory on his way to navigate the world he’s been given.”

"I see him trying his best understand what it means to have feelings — what it means to love someone. I see someone who cares enough to immerse himself in a different culture than the one he has all for the sake of a special someone."

she looked down as she continued, “I see a talented, intelligent, kind, respectful little boy who’s not so little anymore. I see someone I couldn't be more proud of, and y’know what—?” she lifted her head so her eyes could meet his, “if they can’t see what I see, están locos.”

miles couldn’t help the soft smile he had on his face as he looked into her sincere eyes. pulling his mom into him, he hugged her and gave her a small kiss on her head.

“te quiero, mami”

“ay mami please I gotta go-!”

“in a minute!”

you stood outside smiling with your hands crossed over your chest watching the scene in front of you; miles mother trying to make him look more presentable by straightening out his shirt and tucking away any miss placed hairs on his head as best as she could.

when she finally kissed her son goodbye and started her way back to the bus stop, she quickly waved and smiled at you before speed-walking to catch the next bus. there were people from your family all outside the venue, chatting each other up and taking pictures, and suddenly this all felt very real to miles.

taking a deep breath, he crossed the street and made his way over to you.

“hi baby,” you swiftly linked your arm around his and gave him a small kiss on the cheek.

“damn, how many people you got in your family ma?” he took a quick look inside through the windows and saw a hefty amount of people, which didn’t make this any easier for him.

“don’t worry, most of these people aren’t actually family. they’re more like family friends who we call aunties, uncles, and cousins,” you explained.

“okay okay, yeah sure,” miles let out a breath that he didn’t even know he was holding in. he started to look around at all the people outside the venue: they all looked so extravagant in long fitted dresses, and in suits that matched or looked similar to what he was wearing. all of the adults mingled with each other, and children were beginning to group off and mess around.

miles felt a bit like a fraud; like he didn’t belong there. this was all new territory for him. of course he had a few african friends in middle school, but he never really had to face their culture head-on like he was now. when he tried listening to what people were saying, he heard a few english words incorporated into their sentences, but he hadn't a clue on what was being communicated.

he couldn't stop the doubts that began to cloud his mind as he looked around him. doubts that he wasn't the kind of guy your parents wanted you dating, that he couldn't live up to their expectations. doubts that told him in big bold letters, "you don't belong here."

miles' facial expressions and body language often gave away what he was thinking, so when you noticed him begin to shrink slightly, him rapidly tapping his thigh, and his lip twitching slightly, you saw right through him. grabbing his hand, you gave him a small squeeze of affection, and soon enough, you were leading him through the doors of the venue, dodging people and children as you made your way through.

you led him right to your table which your parents saved for you and your siblings, plus miles.

as he saw your parents seated at the table, the first person he noticed was your father's presence. he took notice of the stoic look on his face, and his hand on the table which was intertwined with your mother's.

"hey guysss," you greeted with a smile as you dragged miles over to the table. "this is milesss, the boy I was telling you about."

you could feel miles tense ever so slightly as his father held his gaze.

"good evening sir, my name is miles," he introduced himself with a small smile.

“thank god this boy even knows how to greet,” your father said while nodding in approval.

when he reached his hand out for miles to shake, miles thought to himself, “okay, making progress.”

taking his hand, he gave a firm handshake to your father to which he nodded in approval again. turning to your mother, he extended his hand and said hello and was met with a softer touch and welcoming smile.

“I like your hair,” she mentioned, her hand gesturing to the two braids rested on his shoulder.

miles smiled as he look down to his braids. “thank you, my mom actually does these for me.”

“tell her i said she did well,” she complimented.

“please, sit down i’m sure the food will soon be ready, and then we will see what we can take home with us,” your mother mumbled that last part directed to your father, but you still heard and laughed.

“so, miles, we have been told many good things about you. you want to study physics?” your father asked.

miles squeezed your hand under the table, eyebrows raised in shock. “you guys talk about me?” he felt his heart swell at the mental image of you even mentioning him to your parents — especially your mom.

“of course na, our daughter comes up to us and tells us she’s been seeing a boy — how can we not talk about you?” your mother asked rhetorically. you could see the small almost unnoticeable smirk etching onto miles face. he would never let you hear the end of this.

after almost half an hour of talking, laughing, (mainly between you, miles, and your mother), and getting to know one another, miles started to feel much more relaxed. words started flowing out of him much easier than before, and he even managed to make your dad crack a smile with one of his silly jokes. miles nerves and doubts slowly but surely began to dissipate as the night went on; relief washed over his entire body.

it wasn't until your mother covered him in a layer of fear 4x as heavy as the one he just washed off.

“ah! see your cousin!” you mother told you. you looked in the direction she was looking and saw a toddler running around and giggling.

“why don’t the both of you go and say hi!”

she knew exactly what she was doing.

— bro idk what’s wrong but I really don’t like this (¬_¬)

— but I tried

— idek why but i think the other one was SOOO much better

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kayentokk · 9 months

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Everything.

— Pairing; Izuku Midoriya x GN! Reader

— Synopsis; What’s wrong with me?

— Contains; angst to comfort, fluff

— wc; 1062

— A/N; Idek where I pulled this from? Legit just sobbed, like what???

He’s been like this all week, the normal soft toothy smile that always graced his freckled face was just not there. He’s hard on himself, but never this hard. You’ve never seen him this down. He’s always happy, or always cheering people up. That’s why it’s so off putting, you don’t know what to do in this situation because it’s never happened before.

You can’t even fathom what you think it is. He’s been doing good at hero work, and everyone loves him. He creates as minimal damage as he can when he’s working, and other than the usual absurd comments about what he “could’ve done better” you haven’t found anything that could have caused him to act this way. It’s so bad, even Bakugo has laid off on his usual snappy behavior and the snarky comments.

Whats weird though is how Izuku acts like everything’s fine, if you didn’t know him you’d think he was just a very chill person. He comes home, treats you the same, does the things he normally does at home, but it’s different. You even asked him what was wrong and he shook it off, with a not so reassuring smile, telling you “nothings wrong,” and that he’s “just tired.”

Despite telling you that, even he knows he’s different. Honestly, he doesn’t even know what it is, something’s just wrong. He can tell everyone notices, but he just doesn’t know how to fix it. God, why can’t he just fix it? He doesn’t even know how to describe it, it’s like he’s just heavy.

Even when he tries to smile or laugh, it’s not the same. He feels the corners of his lips lift, and his gums rubbing up his teeth, he hears the small chuckle his throat makes, but he can’t help to feel like it’s fabricated.

With work it feels like he’s just going through assignment after assignment, doing them without a problem at all. If there wasn’t a problem though, then why did he feel this way?

You knew though, from your own past experience, that holding things in never helps. Eventually, it all just bubbles over and erupts like a volcano out of no where. That’s what you’ve been trying to avoid, you don’t want him to erupt because all he’ll do is feel bad about it later. It seems like that’s what it’s going to come down to though, because you can get anything out of him. You’ve tried everything, talking to him, comforting him, anything, and nothing worked.

Today in particular though, Izuku felt he couldn’t do anything right. He already ran into multiple encounters today where people were upset due to the way he “handled” things, he was up to his neck in paperwork, and he was exhausted. None of this is out of the normal though, but he enjoyed it before. Minus the complaints, he loved his job but now it seems like a task or a chore. He didn’t know what to do anymore, he just wanted to go home, to you.

When he arrived however, you were set on getting him to talk to you. As soon as he walked through the door you were waiting. The stone cold eyes and arch of your eyebrows gave you the look of determination.

You marched up to him and immediately began trying to pry something, anything out of him. You began talking about holding things in, but he couldn’t even grasp what you were saying. He was watching your mouth and facial features move in slow motion. It was as if he was there watching himself listen to you talk, but he couldn’t actually hear you, and he wasn’t actually there.

All he could think about was, you. The one person, one, he didn’t want to be upset with him. Was that too much to ask?

Apparently, it was.

As soon as you finished the last word, seeing as he wasn’t responding, your heart dropped to your stomach. Looking into the battered, worn down, emerald eyes of the hero standing in front of you. You could see the water filling them as his body began shaking.

You were taken back, and before you could get your arms around him, he collapsed. Into a sobbing mess on the floor.

The volcano had erupted.

He wailed unintelligible, broken cries of, “I’m sorry,” “have I done something to offend you too?” And the one that broke you the most, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

You crouch down to the ball he’s reduced himself to on the floor and hold him so tight in your arms, his knees weakened causing his body to go limp on yours. His head rests in the crook of your neck tears steady falling and dampening the shirt you have on, his shoulders shaking and stuttering up and down, and his breaths were shattered almost.

You ran a soothing hand up and down his back whispering calming nothings of, “shhh,” and “it’s okay, let it out baby.”

There on the floor of your entryway, in the calm boundaries of your arms Izuku feels, okay. It’s like a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders, of what he doesn’t know, and he just lets go. Sobs and sobs until there’s nothing left to come out.

When he’s done, he falls silent. His body still limp, until he lifts his arms and returns your embrace. It feels so warm, and so comforting. Something he hasn’t felt the past week. He quickly tightens his hold, and sniffles shifting his his face almost deeper into your neck, if that’s even possible.

You just sit there, in the silence, enveloped into each other. Until he finally speaks, well tries to anyway. The wails he let out had cracked his voice, and made him rather parched.

“Let me get you some water baby,” you say in a hushed tone. So softly as to not break him, again.

You try to get up, but he grabs onto you tighter. His fingers pull at the flimsy material of the shirt, and you relax back into his hold.

“Don’t go,” he croaks desperately.

“I won’t, I won’t, promise.”

To you, it seemed, this was all you could offer him. This poor excuse for comfort, you thought, was all you were giving him. To him though, it was so much more.

It was everything.

@\danowh0re for the divider

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meo-on-prairie · 8 months

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No Body, No Crime

Satosugu x reader

Prompt: You know in your soul that he did it, but there are no ways for you to prove a feeling. But you can play this game he started, and you won’t give up until the day he dies.

Words count: 6.3k

Tags: Satosugu x reader established, Fluff, angst, murder, Slightly suggestive, crime. TW: death, murder, dismemberment, disturbing actions, infidelity, manipulation, and revenge mdni.

Rambling: I was on the verge of tears when I finished this fic, idek if I like it anymore lmao, so if you don't like it, idk what to tell you lmao. I honestly don’t know what to tag this fic as. Just like beware that it’s inspired by: “no body, no crime” by Taylor Swift (of course), The Glory K-drama, and the countless murder podcast I listen to while driving. I hope yall enjoy.

/////////

Odd. Shoko is late, 2 hours late to be exact. She’s not exactly the most punctual person you know but she has never been this late. Especially not on the monthly dinner with you, Suguru, and Satoru. After graduating college together, the 4 of you have made a point to have dinner together at least once a month.

This monthly dinner is something none of you would ever miss. All of you have been making it work for years, through the career changes, through your shitty ex-relationship, through the time when you were confused about how you feel toward Satoru and Suguru. Even after Shoko decided to get married to this Neonatologist named Andrew she met at the hospital she works at, the 4 of you still keep up the routine.

The three of you took turns calling her the past 2 hours and nothing. Straight to voicemail. Not even a text saying she can’t make it today and to reschedule. Odd. you can’t get rid of this nauseating feeling in your stomach.

“Let’s go” you stand up abruptly and begin to walk out of the restaurant toward the parking lot.

“Where are we going?” Satoru asked. Both him and Suguru hurried after you. Satoru unlocked the car, and Suguru opened the door for you to get in. Ever since you joined the relationship, they made a point to never let you drive or touch the car door, ‘you’re our treasure, you will be treated like one’.

“I want to drop by Shoko’s place, maybe she’s got tired from her night shift and overslept or something, I don't know, I just want to make sure nothing is wrong.” You’re panicking, they can see that. During college, if Satoru and Suguru were attached by the hips, you and Shoko were never one without the other. You can’t simply just shake off this anxiety you feel when it comes to your best friend.

They nodded and got into the front seats. They don’t question you. They know how much Shoko means to you, not to mention she’s their friend too. Satoru drives the three of you to Shoko’s place while Suguru tries to calm your anxiety.

“It’s okay, Sweet. You’re probably right about her being deep asleep due to her night shift. She seems pretty stressed and tired lately from her text.” Suguru reasoned.

Satoru gives a slight nod and adds, “Her phone could be dead, and she missed the alarm that would wake her up for our dinner”.

“Yeah… I hope you’re right.” You feel slightly better from the reasonable and likely scenarios they proposed. Still, it couldn't get rid of this sinking feeling you feel in your stomach..

After a short drive, you three reach Shoko’s house. You notice that her husband's truck is in front of the driveway, the tires are brand new, it looks like he just got them replaced today. Odd. Very rarely do people replace all their tires at once. You chalk it up to just coincidence. You walk toward her door and ring the doorbell, Andrew answers the door.

“Hey man, is Shoko home? She was supposed to meet us for dinner around 2 hours ago.” Satoru greeted

“No. She’s not home. I don't know where she is.” Andrew answered abruptly.

“Well, did something happen? Did some emergency come up with her family? She’s your wife, out of everyone she would at least tell you where she is.” Suguru pressed him for more information. It doesn’t make sense for him to not know where his wife is at this hour.

“I told you! I don’t know where she is! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a night shift to get ready for.” With that, Andrew slammed the door to your faces.

Odd. He sounded agitated, and anxious. Like he’s trying to hide something… deny something. Your whole body is shaken in fear with the thoughts of the worst. Nothing makes sense. Shoko would never just vanish without telling anyone. She literally messaged the group chat yesterday saying she’ll see you three at dinner and she has something to tell you all. Nothing makes sense.

Satoru noticed how pale your face had gone and immediately pulled you in for a hug, “It’s going to be okay, Love. She’s going to be okay. We’ll wait till tomorrow and see if she’ll contact us. Then we’ll figure out what to do from there okay?” he said in a hush tone.

“Everything is going to be okay, Sweet. We’ll figure it out together.” Suguru gives your temple a long kiss as he runs his hand up and down your back in a soothing motion.

The three of you drove home in silence. You didn’t dare to leave your phone for one second, you went to sleep with your phone unmuted. Suguru and Satoru make sure at least one of them is by your side at all times. They worry about Shoko too, but they know you need them to be there and keep you grounded. They make sure to hold you extra close that night, you fall asleep in their comforting arms, hoping for the best, but the sinking feeling makes you expect the worst.

/////////

The worst did come. At 6AM, 2 days since you last heard from Shoko, you were woken up by the loud banging on your door.

You groggily lift up the two arms that’s trapping you in bed, then reposition their arm so your boyfriends can cuddle each other instead, you gently close the bedroom door behind you. You walk toward the front door, silently cursing whoever knocked on your door at this crack of dawn hour. When you opened the door, your heart dropped to your stomach.

“Good morning. We recently got a missing person report on Miss Shoko from her husband. Is it okay if we come in to ask you a few questions that could be helpful toward our investigation?” One of the two police officers standing outside your door politely requested.

“Yes…” you answer barely above a whisper, open the door wider for the officers to come in, you call out for Satoru and Suguru for them to wake up and come down to the living room. You lead the officers toward the living room and invite them to sit while you get them water and wait for your boyfriends to come down.

You don't remember much after that. It felt as if time had stopped and the world was crumbling apart. Satoru and Suguru answer the majority of the question, you seem to only be able to answer in ‘yes’ and ‘no’ when the officers specifically address you. You were on autopilot. Your best friend, missing without a trace. Not a single hint on whether she’s dead or alive.

You closed the door after the officers. The moment you hear the ‘click’ of the lock, your legs give out and tears begin to fall from your eyes. You sob uncontrollably, gasping for air. Your shoulders shake violently. This can’t be real. No. you refuse to believe this is reality. Shoko, the person you just talked to on the phone 2 days ago, vanished completely leaving no trace behind.

Satoru and Suguru immediately rush to your side, they wrap their arms around you and hold you tight. They place soft kisses all over you and rub your back in a soothing motion.

“I promise you, Sweet. I’ll make sure to find her for us, okay?” Suguru whispered. Never in a million years did Suguru think he would ever have to find his own missing friend as a detective.

You, Satoru, and Suguru sat there, right in front of the door for hours. Just sitting in each other's embrace and comfort as you three mourn your friend, who you do not know is dead or alive.

/////////

After crying to the point your body can no longer produce anymore tears. You get started on breakfast. Well, not you, you’re too out of it for anything, Suguru is the one cooking, you tried to set up the table but Satoru just guide you to the table and told you to not worry about it.

With nothing to do, you decide to scroll through old messages between you and Shoko. Most of them are about how useless her husband is.

“He can’t even wash the dishes that he used! He ate from them, and then just left them in the sink!”

“This fucker think the laundry magically fold itself! Oh god I want to kill him...” this one makes you giggle a little.

“He said he’s going to work but the nurse just called me cuz they couldn’t reach him and there’s a car accident with a baby in it, where the fuck is he?”

“I just found a big purchase for an expensive bracelet, a month ago in our joint account, he said he thought I bought it. lol maybe he’s cheating on me.” This one caught your attention. It was from 3 weeks ago, you thought Shoko was just joking, you didn’t think too much of it since Shoko said it so casually, unlike the other times she vented about her husband.

No. No. No. No. It can’t be. But the brand new tires, 4 of them, his attitude and response, this message that Shoko sent to you. God, you feel like throwing up.

“He did it…” you breathe out

“What was that, Love?”

“He did it! Andrew killed her! He killed Shoko!” you scream out, throwing your phone across the table so they can see the text message.

“I know he did it! All 4 of his tires are brand new and his attitude when we ask where she was and- and this text from Shoko, he killed her!” Your speech becomes frantic as you explain your reasoning. You rest your head on your hands, trying to just process it all.

Satoru’s eyes widen as they read Shoko’s text. He did it. Satoru feels his stomach sinking as he connects the dots. Everything is as you say, it all points to Shoko’s husband as the culprit. Andrew killed Shoko.

“But we have no proof, until we can find evidence or Shoko’s body, he is innocent” Suguru pointed out. Coming around to the table with the french toasts he was making for breakfast. He placed 2 on your plate. You push your plate away, not feeling like eating with everything you have to take in. Suguru grabs your hand and places a kiss on your finger to make you look at him.

“Sweet, you need to eat, at least half, you’ll only feel worse if you don’t eat. We’ll think about this some more after breakfast okay?” Suguru tries to reason with you. He understands how distress you're feeling right now. He looks over at Satoru, his boyfriend's grip on your phone is making his hand turn white.

Suguru walks over to Satoru, he wraps his arm around Satoru, hugging him tightly from behind to snap him out of it, he then takes your phone away from Satoru’s hand. “You too, ‘Toru, let’s eat first, we’ll figure out what to do after, okay?”

If you and Satoru didn’t know Suguru like part of your soul, you would mistake his calmness for indifference. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth, Suguru is like the calm before the storm, you won’t notice his anger until after it’s all said and done.

You three eat in silence. Suguru is an amazing cook, the french toasts are far from being mediocre. Yet, none of you seem to find the appetite to eat with all the information you need to process.

After breakfast, you tell the boys you’ll clean up and wash the dishes since they cook and set up. Though they agree to not argue with you about it, they end up helping you with washing the dishes anyway.

“What do you want to do, Sweet?” Suguru decided to be the one to talk about the issues that have been weighing yours and their minds.

“I’m not sure, Suguru. There is nothing I can do but hope that they'll be able to find some evidence, or at least her whereabouts.” you said softly, defeatedly. There is truly nothing you can do in this situation.

“Alright then, I’ll ask my boss to put me on the case. Just like I promised you.” Suguru smiled at you.

You feel a pair of arms snake around your torso. Satoru gave Suguru a peck on the lips then rested his head on your shoulder, “We’ll find her, Love. We’ll use whatever means we have and find her.”

You can’t help but smile at their words. Sometimes you ask yourself how you are so lucky to find 2 of your soulmates. You’re so incredibly lucky to be able to love and be loved by them. They make the fickleness of life much easier to navigate. Despite your storm of emotions due to Shoko’s disappearance, you find yourself still able to let go and feel grounded around them. They’re your rocks. You trust their words. You trust them.

/////////

Everything is easier said than done. It has been 6 months since Shoko’s disappearance. Suguru did become head detective of the case just like he promised, but every lead he got resulted in a deadend. At this point the case is considered cold, but Suguru refuses to let it go and continues to investigate by himself. Satoru used his company’s along with his own influence to get the case into headlines in the media, in hope that someone would be able to give Suguru more intel to work with. Satoru even hired someone to spy on Andrew and report back to him once a week.

But with all the walls you've been facing, you’re starting to gaslight yourself into thinking that Andrew is actually innocent, and your intuition is just plain wrong. That is, until the spy on Andrew sent Satoru the weekly report while the three of you were cuddling on the couch watching Barbie.

When Satoru’s phone rings, you don't bother pausing the movie, thinking it’s just gonna be mundane like the other reports the past 6 months. Satoru got up to grab his phone along with some water from the kitchen. His knuckles turn white when he sees what the spy sent him.

“Suguru, Love, you guys need to see this.” Satoru calls out to you two with gritted teeth.

You pause the movie and quickly go to the kitchen, Suguru following you.

“What’s wrong?” Suguru before you could.

“The rat bastard actually brought home his mistress.” Satoru hands you the phone, he’s fuming now, his other hand balled up tightly. Suguru immediately notices and takes Satoru’s hand, holding onto it so Satoru won’t dig his nails into his palm and hurt himself.

You look at the pictures on Satoru’s phone. Andrew holding hands with the mistress. Them carrying boxes from his truck. Her wearing Shoko’s favorite designer dress, a silver bracelet on her left hand. They were going out for dinner. Bastards.

You can feel your gut burn, your heart aching, and tears of anger threaten to spill from your eyes. Suguru’s face is grim, his hand squeezing Satoru just as hard as Satoru squeezing his. All the 3 of you can see is red. Boiling pit of lava in your stomachs. This nuclear waste of a human, not only killed your best friend, but brought his mistress into the house that your best friend bought, let his mistress wear your best friend’s favorite dress, and slept with his mistress in your best friend’s bed.

“I’m going to kill him.” Satoru said with conviction.

“No.” Your tone is scarily calm, “simply killing him won’t be enough.”

Suguru grabs your hand without letting go of Satoru’s hand, brings it to his lips and places a gentle kiss. “What are you thinking, Sweet? We’re ready to be your executioner.”

Satoru nodded in agreement. The red in their eyes can’t be missed. They’re just as furious as you are.

Looking into their resolute gazes, you pulled both Satoru and Suguru into an embrace. They return your feelings by wrapping their arms around you. You always know this, but now more than ever, you truly believe that even if the entire world were to condemn you, these two would burn the world down for you; and so would you for them.

You all know in your souls that he did it, but there are no ways for you to prove a feeling. But you can play this game he started, and you won’t give up until the day he dies. Together with your executioners, You will make the two rats pay for their action.

/////////

Good thing your boyfriend, Gojo Satoru, is filthy rich. The private spy he hired gives you a lot of information about the mistress. Her name is Maruka, she’s 10 years younger than Andrew, clearly a sugar-baby. She used to work as a cosmetologist but quitted around 3 months ago. From the words of the people that used to be in her life, her biggest love is money. They can’t fault her for it though, she was one of those orphan kids that was passed around in the foster system, she grew up with her whole life stuffed inside a single garbage bag.

You pitied her life for a bit. Thinking maybe she’s just an innocent bystander that also got rope into Andrew’s scheme. Unfortunately, giving people the benefit of the doubt hasn't been working out for you lately.

You first interact with her at the luxury spa she often frequent after moving in with Andrew. You have the spy let you know when she’s going to the spa so you can join and strike up a friendship with her. When you spot her entering the spa’s sauna, you quickly prepare yourself while reciting the script you have in your head.

You enter the sauna, sit directly in front of Maruka. You wait for a few minutes before striking up a conversation.

“Hi, I’m Ina, do you go to his spa often? I haven’t seen you around before.” You lied, a fake name in case she recognizes your real one.

“I’m Maruka, and yeah, I’m pretty new to this spa. It's been getting pretty serious between me and my boyfriend recently, I even moved in with him so I want to take care of myself for him.” she giggles.

“Aww, that’s cute. How did you meet?” Your inquiries.

“Oh we met at a bar, he bought me a drink and we started talking and we just hit it off, he was so charming.”

“You must be very happy then.” you give her a slight smile, “the way you talk about him, it seem like your relationship is full of sunshine and flower”

“You would think so, but unfortunately he had a wife, so we have to date in secret. But he promised me that he would divorce her for me” she laughs. That pisses you off but you hold down your anger.

“You said you moved in recently, did he finally divorce his wife recently?”

“Oh. My. God. That’s the best part. She disappeared! 6 months ago! She might be dead for all we know so he gets to keep the fancy house. It’s as if we’re destined to be and god was helping us out!” you squeal in excitement.

If Suguru and Satoru were here, they would nominate you for the Oscar for how well you’re able to hold back your anger and continue to be friendly with this piece of work. This shameless woman considers someone’s misfortune as her blessing. Disgusting.

“Wow, that’s impressively lucky, maybe you are being watched over by god.” you said in feint amazement. “We should grab lunch together, you’re fun to talk to, it'll be on me. And I’ll bring you to a nice place where we can test your blessing”

She giggled in happiness, “Sure!”.

You know she would agree as soon as you invite her, this is a luxury spa after all, only those with money and membership can enter. She won’t let go of an opportunity to form connections with someone who is wealthy enough to be in this spa.

/////////

Just as you proposed, you bring her to the most expensive restaurant in town, you have to show your wealth (by using Satoru’s card) so she would want to stick to you even closer. Afterward you bring her to Toji’s horse racing ring.

Toji used to be Shoko’s and Suguru’s smoke and drink buddy in college. He wasn’t necessarily close to your group, but you consider each other friends. So when you come asking him for a favor to avenge Shoko, along with the money to reimburse him. He told you to keep the money and to use his horse racing ring however you please.

“Where are we?” Maruka asked in confusion.

“A horse racing ring, owned by my friend, you should place some bet to test out your blessing.” you giggle.

“If you lose, the ring will only take half of what you bet. But if you win, you’ll win twice the amount you bet, and the ring will only take 10% of what you win. It’s a win-win scenario for everyone. People who play will gain more than they lose, and the ring gains a small revenue to keep it going.” You entice her further.

“Oh, I have never placed a bet before…” She hesitated a little, but clearly still interested.

“Here,” you hand her a slip of paper “Just write down your name, the amount you're betting, and the number on the horse you think will win, then put it in that box at the front.”

She takes the slip, she looks at it, contemplating for a moment. She then put down her name, $50, and horse number 3. She places it into the box at the front and you nod at the worker standing next to it, giving him the signal.

“Now what?” she ask nervously

“Now we watch!”

You two sit down in one of the seats in the VIP area. You glance at her, she’s anxious, first time gamblers always feel anxious at their first bet, but this adrenaline is what keeps them hooked. You watch as the horses race each other. Number 3 won. You watch as Maruka jumps up in joy and you smile at her.

“Would you look at that! You truly are blessed!” You feint excitement, hyping her up even more. This is the adrenaline you want her to feel, the high you want her to feel.

“Oh my gosh oh my gosh!! Ina!! I won!!” she said excitedly

“Yes you did! You're now $90 richer.” you smile, handing her another slip of paper “Want to go again?”

She took the paper from your hand immediately without hesitation this time. She excitedly wrote down her next bet again, $200 this time. You can’t help the grin being formed on your face. You got her hook, line, and sinker.

/////////

Good thing that your other boyfriend, Getou Suguru, is a famous detective. He knows the in and out of the law well, knows what evidence is crucial and what is useless. He’s the person that composes files on Maruka and Andrew that would help with your plan. In fact, Suguru is in his office filing out the new updates and pictures Satoru’s spy sent him.

You walk into his office to see him sitting at his desk with papers and pictures all over the table. You slide your hands on his shoulders and give him a small massage, you kiss his temple then rest your head on his shoulder.

“I love you.” you whisper softly

“I love you too” Suguru replies, turning his head slightly to give you a quick kiss on your lips.

You look at the pictures scattered on the table. The spy has been documenting Mamuka and Andrew’s day. Andrew’s day tends to be pretty boring now that he got what he wanted, he just went to work, went home, took Maruka out for dinner, nothing special. Maruka on the other hand, with no work to occupy and her new addiction to gambling on horse races, has been blowing through her money like water.

You made sure that the workers at Toji’s ring would let her win frequently at first, building her confidence in her luck. Then, you make sure she’ll start to lose. Of course, she will win when the worker notices she’s getting frustrated and about to give up. To give her that high. To keep her hook.

From what Shoko’s work friend, a nurse, at Andrew’s hospital has been telling you, he has been more and more agitated lately. Looks like Maruka’s spending habits are slowly affecting their relationship. You made sure to decline every single one of her invites to dinner with her and Andrew. You can’t risk them finding out you and Shoko’s best friend, and you as Ina are the same person.

“How is everything going on your side?” Suguru ask softly

“Oh, you know, just occasional lunch and dinner with the bitch, keep the ‘friendship’ going. The way she talks pisses me off though, she talks like a child. Sitting with her makes me miss Shoko even more. That should be Shoko’s place at the table with me, not her.” you complain with a sign, making Suguru chuckle.

“I miss her too, Sweet” He reached his hand up to pat your head, “What about Satoru? How’s his task going?”

“Magnificent actually, this whole life insurance company plan actually brings in money for the company, so it’s like killing two birds with one stone.” Satoru chimes in from behind you two, he leans down to give both you and Suguru a soft kiss.

“Seems like everything is going smoothly as planned then.” Suguru stands up from his chair to go to his vinyl shelf, he picks one and puts it on his new record player that you got him last Christmas. Lovers by Taylor swift come on and he reaches his hand out to both you and Satoru.

“How about a small celebratory dance? We can go for a celebratory dinner tonight” Suguru suggested.

You giggle and walk over to take his hand and so did Satoru. You spend the next few minutes twirling between them and watching them dance with each other. You’re genuinely happy, the happiest you have felt since Shoko’s disappearance. Revenge tastes oh so sweet, but it tastes addictingly sweet with your lovers around.

/////////

“Ugh, my boyfriend refused to give me an allowance today. Something about that he needed to save up for my ring. He’s bullshitting, I know it.” Maruka complained to you during your lunch with her. “I need money so I can win, I need to win so I can pay back my loan, this is so annoying!”

“That does sound annoying. I hate seeing you so upset like this. Is there any way I can help?” you asked in a concerned tone.

“I don’t know, Ina. I feel like the only way to solve any of my problems lately is money.” Maruka sighs. You smirk, pulling out a wad of cash from your purse.

“Here, $2000, for you.” You hand the stack of money to her. Smiling slightly.

“Wha- why? Thank you but…” Maruka start

“Oh don’t mention it, I recently invested in this new Insurance company owned by Gojo Corp. Their life insurance policy is pretty interesting. You can file for policies under someone else's name as long as you have their paperwork such as birth certificate, citizenship, social security number, things like that” You lied with the nonchalant attitude

“I recently filed one under my boyfriend’s name after finding out he was cheating on me and planning on buying a one way ticket to disappear to Russa.” You shrug. “Good thing the insurance company reimburse you double the amount you invest for disappearance cases, something about the owner having a friend that disappeared without a trace.”

You know it sounds too much like a lie. You know this lie sounds too good to be true. But you don’t need Maruka to believe you right now. You just need her to take the bait. After all, she ran out of money, in debt, with a gambling addiction. It shouldn’t take long for her to crawl to the insurance company from the prospect of easy money.

“Huh, interesting. Anyway, thank you.” She take the wad of cash

“No problem, just a small gift.” you reply. You can already see the cogwheel in her head spinning.

You parted ways with Maruka after eating and returned home. You send a text to your boyfriends before submerging yourself in your hot tub, “bait placed”. You enjoy the warmth of the hot tub and the water massage from it. You reminisce about your times with Shoko.

She would often tease you for how dense you were. “Everyone and their mother could tell that Satoru and Suguru have a thing for you, everyone but you apparently”.

Everytime you’re sad about another failed relationship, she would drag you out to go shopping or to the bar with her. Then you two would go to 3 different fast-food places, order an ungodly amount of food, and eat away your pain.

When you told her, you think you might like Satoru and Suguru more than friends, she said “fucking finally. go tell them that, I can’t handle those two being sad little puppies every time you get into a relationship with someone else anymore.”

You were maid-of-honor at her wedding. You can still remember how she looked in her wedding dress so clearly. You two went to pick it out together. You held her hand before she walk down the aisle, “anytime during the wedding, if you don’t wanna the do this anymore, I have the car readied”

She just laughed and said, “it’s just a marriage, I can handle myself, I don’t need you to worry about me.”

You should’ve grabbed her hand and dragged her to the car. That’s your biggest regret.

Your phone rings and snaps you out of your memory lane. A message from Satoru that said “she took the bait”. You smile at the text and step out of the hot tub. You’re thinking about making Satoru’s favorite dessert and Suguru's favorite food for dinner. Your boys have been working so hard for you. You should reward your favorite executioners tonight.

/////////

Good thing Satoru’s dad made him get a boating license during the summer of his 15. It’s a reason you three get to enjoy the weekend on a private yacht, in the middle of the ocean. You're currently enjoying a glass of champagne with some chocolate covered strawberry, sun-bathing in the lounge chair as your boys race each other in the water.

It's been a week since Maruka last contacted you to hangout. And according to Shoko’s nurse friend, it's been 3 days since Andrew came in for work. How interesting. Maybe you should give her a call.

You pick up our phone and click on Maruka’s contact, it rings 3 times before she pick up.

“Ina! Hi! What are you calling for?” She sounds panicky. She sounds like a kid doing something they shouldn’t be doing.

“Hey, I just wanna call to check up on you, haven't heard from you in a minute. What cha up to?”

“Oh nothing, just cooking… for my boyfriend! Yeah.”

“Oooh, what are you making?” you ask casually

“Just a beef stew, nothing special, just plain ol’ beef stew” Maruka answered rapidly, her attitude reminding you of Andrew’s attitude on the day of Shoko’s disappearance.

“Well, I’m just checking in, I would invite you out shopping with me but I’m on vacation right now. I’ll let you know when I’m back.”

With that, you and Maruka say bye to each other. You get up from your relaxed position and walk over to the railing on the yacht to call out to your boyfriends, who are trying to drown each other in their water splashing war.

“My loves,” You shout out to them, mischief in your voice. They stop what they were doing to look at you, enjoying the view quite a bit with the minimal amount of fabric you have on you, “it’s time for the anonymous tip and the wellness check don’t you think?”

A smirk grew on both of their faces as they swim back to the yacht to make some important phone calls. You lean on the railing to enjoy the sight of you boys. Their muscles flex in the most delicious way as they make their way through the water.

Your eyes didn’t leave their body as they climbed back up to the yacht. You're still staring as they both grab their phone to make some phone calls. You can’t help it, the way their skin glistens in the sun due to that water. The fact that they’re half naked right now with the short they’re wearing clinging onto their skin, giving you the sight of their defined thighs. Ah… it’s not as if you have never seen them in nothing but their birthday suit before, but still… your boys are just too attractive for their own good.

“If you stare any harder, you’ll burn a hole through us.” Satoru tease, you were too busy staring to notice he’s already finished with his phone call.

“I blame you two.” I joke, leaning into his body as he wraps his hand around you. Your smile gets wider when you feel another body pushing you closer to Satoru’s from behind.

“Oh? Please, do tell us how it’s our fault…” Suguru whispers into your ears, he nibbles on your ears a little before looking up to kiss Satoru.

Oh… you already know you’re gonna be in heaven for the next few hours. It’s a good day today.

/////////

Sunlight peeked through the blind of your shared room, waking you up. You look over to see Satoru and Suguru cuddling, you can’t pinpoint where one begins and where the other ends. You grab your phone to check the time, it’s 10am too early for lunch but too late for breakfast. You three just got back from your vacation in the middle of the ocean so you’re taking it slow before going back to work.

You get out of bed to go brush your teeth and get started on making brunch for yourself and your boys. You have a feeling it’s going to be a good day today. Eggs and bacon for brunch sound oddly enticing right now.

You take out the bacon from the fridge and place them slice by slice on a metal tray. You put them in the oven and get started on frying the eggs. Satoru likes his egg scramble, while Suguru likes sunny side up.

“Good morning” two voices greet you, not quite in sync because they’re not fully awake yet.

“Good morning, My Loves” you greet them back, “you could’ve slept in some more.”

“Nah, you weren’t in bed with us.” Suguru replies, he walks into the kitchen to help you cook. Satoru decides to go to the Living room to turn on the TV to a news channel before going to set up the table.

The TV in the living room drones on about the weather, politics, and current events as you guys eat. You three discuss how you are gonna spend the rest of your day as you finish up your brunch.

“Breaking news: Woman murders her boyfriend with the intention of cashing in on his life insurance policy to support her addiction.” The new anchor announces as the three of you wash the dishes and clean up the kitchen table.

“This morning, the police conducted a wellness check on Mr. Andrew, the husband of Ms. Shoko, who vanished without a trace a year ago. This check was prompted by an anonymous tip reporting his absence from work for three consecutive days, during which no one at his workplace could reach him. However, upon their arrival, law enforcement discovered only Ms. Maruka, Andrew's current girlfriend, present at the residence. Subsequent investigation of the home led to the unsettling discovery of fragments representing approximately 20% of Mr. Andrew's body, alongside three pots of meat stew. Analysis of the DNA extracted from the bones within the stew suggested the disturbing possibility that Mr. Andrew may have been used as an ingredient in this unsettling concoction.” The news anchor further elaborated on the case.

“Gross.” The three of you cringe at gruesome action.

“What was her plan with those stews? She isn’t thinking of eating it right?” Satoru commented, grimacing at the thought.

“Who knows, maybe she plans on feeding it to the stray dogs.” Suguru entertains Satoru’s thoughts.

“Ew. Even dogs wouldn’t want to eat that human waste.” you laugh, joining their antic.

“Based on an alternative anonymous tip, it appears that Ms. Maruka might be struggling with a gambling addiction and substantial debt. Additionally, she recently acquired a substantial life insurance policy in Mr. Andrew's name just one week ago. At present, all the available evidence strongly indicates that Ms. Maruka is the primary and sole individual under suspicion in connection with Mr. Andrew's demise.” The law enforcement officer being interviewed said with conviction.

You can help the wide grind forming on your lips as you wipe the dishes dry, “I can’t wait to tell Shoko about this.”

“I can already hear how much she's gonna enjoy this.” Sugar commented, chuckling at the thought, handing you another plate he just cleaned.

“We’ll tell her about this together. All three of us” Satoru said as he leaned down to place a kiss on your shoulder.

Yeah, the four of you will have the dinner you missed again. You, Satoru, and Suguru will tell Shoko all the mischief she missed. It won’t be now, or anytime soon. But you’ll tell her all about it, all three of you.

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starsval · 1 year

Text

"I'll be happy with you"

Regulus Black x f!reader

Sumary: you start fake dating Regulus so you don't have to marry some random boy.

Word count: 2k

Warnings: kissing, fake dating, mentions of arranged marriage, your mom wants you to get married(? idk), reader wears a dress once, some barty x reader?, reader is pureblood

A/N: idek if I like this but thanks to @myriadmoons for giving me inspiration to finish this <3 Also, ignore the shitty name, i didn't know what to write

You never liked those parties. Your mom was constantly telling you to act nice so someone wants to marry you –but only someone who's pureblood, of course– And those parents introducing you to his sons, like it would matter if you knew each other. If they wanted to, they could plan your wedding and tell you the day before.

That's why you always do the same, find some pureblood guy, sneak out with him, making sure your mom sees you. Then talk to him about how you're in love with him so he freaks out and then leaves. And finally find some room where you can be alone.

Although that last part of the plan changed some months ago, when you met Regulus. He was actually doing the same as you, sneaking out, so you started talking and helping each other. You already knew him from Hogwarts but you didn't share any classes so you never talked to him.

That leads to your situation right now. Trying not to trip with your dress, walking to the room where Regulus is waiting for you.

When you enter, you find him with his legs over the armrest of a chair, reading some book.

"Hi" You say, laying down on the bed that was in the middle of the room.

"What took you so long?" He asks, leaving the book in the chair as he lays next to you.

"I, um, got entertained" You look away, sighting.

"What happened?" He looks at you, the corners of his lips curving up.

"Well, I confessed, right? Then he told me he felt the same and tried to kiss me" You definitely didn't expect that.

"What?" He isn't smiling anymore. "Did you kiss him?"

"No, I told him I was saving myself for marriage" You laugh and you see him smiling. Both of you knowing that's not true, you've kissed and made out with a lot of people in Hogwarts. "So know I'll probably have to find some excuse to tell my mom so she turns down the offer"

"Let's get married" He suddenly says.

"What?"

"I mean, not immediately, but we can tell our parents we're dating and that we'll get married someday" He seems nervous now.

"It's a good idea, but I don't think they'll believe us, do they even know we're friends?"

Then he suddenly gets up and drags you out of the room by your wrist.

"What are you doing?" You say as he leads you to the dance floor.

"Make them believe it" And now you’re dancing with him, in the middle of the dance floor.

“I don’t think I’ve ever danced with someone on my own in any of these parties” You tell him, occasionally looking at your feet so you don’t trip or step on him.

“Then your mom will likely believe you, right?” He looks at you.

“Why are you doing this Regulus?” You look back at him.

“I don’t want you to marry someone just because they tell you to, I want you to be happy” You smile.

“Thank you, but will you be happy?”

“I’ll always be happy as long as I'm with you” You can’t help it but smile, before you notice your mom walking next to you.

“Who’s this lovely boy, Y/n” She asks, smiling at him.

“I’m Y/n’s boyfriend, Mrs L/n” He introduces himself to your mom.

🕸 ⊹ ⋆

“Are you sure you’re okay with this? We could just ‘break up’, you don’t have to do that everytime someone asks you out” Regulus tells you, after painfully watching you as you tried to turn down a boy’s offer to take you on a date. You even had to resort to your last excuse; ‘Sorry, I have a boyfriend’.

“I’m okay with this Reg, don’t worry about it. It’s not like I care that people know that we’re dating, why would I care? You’re literally you” You say half jokingly, looking up and down at him.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asks you, fighting the blush to not show in his face.

“I actually didn’t want to go on a date with him” You ignore his question, holding his hand as you lead him to your usual place at the Slytherin table.

“What was that supposed to mean?” He asks again, oblivious to the look Sirius is giving both of you from the door. Watching as you stop Regulus from throwing a fork at you, while he keeps repeating the question as you ignore him. Sirius watches him smile like he’d never do in a while, with your hands on top of his, trying to not laugh as he keeps insisting.

He had heard something about it, but he didn’t believe it. Not until now, not until seeing his smile, his laugh, the way he looked at you.

“He did it, Moony. He actually got the girl” Sirius whispers as he looks back at his brother, letting Remus drag him at his house table.

🕸 ⊹ ⋆

Sirius waits for the perfect moment to approach Regulus. In the middle of a hallway, when he has no escape.

"I'm so proud of you" He says as he hugs him, after they stare at each other in silence for at least a minute.

"For being the better looking brother?" Regulus asks him, sarcastically, he doesn’t return the hug, but he doesn't move.

"What? You're definitely not the- I'm not talking about that! You're finally dating her!" He says, breaking the hug, but shaking him as he talks, with his hands on his brother's shoulders.

"Oh, that, it's not like that" He admits, looking at the floor. "It's just so, we don't have to marry anyone else, she didn't want to marry some random boy so-"

"What? But you like her! And she likes you!" Sirius frowns.

"I don't- She doesn't-"

“You do like her! Since second year! You just kept talking about her. You would get so red, I actually thought you had a fever once. And just because she called you Reg” Sirius fights the laugh as Regulus looks away.

“And all you said was ‘Damn, you're really all over her’.” Regulus talks, sighing as Sirius stops fighting his laugh and just laughs at him right in his face.

"And she likes you! We're not a hundred percent sure about that but you definitely like her. Remember when you came running to me the first time she touched your hair? Or your hand? I had to call Remus because I thought you'd faint!" Regulus rolls his eyes at the comment.

"Thanks for helping me get over her" Regulus says, walking away to his next class.

"Hey, you're already dating, you just have to do it, for real, you know" Sirius follows him, smiling.

🕸 ⊹ ⋆

“Hi, I know you’re fake dating my brother, wouldn’t you like to really date another Black?” Sirius says, sitting next to you at the Slytherin table, where you were waiting for your boyfriend.

“Narcisa? She’s really pretty actually-” You act clueless, smiling innocently at him.

“Now I understand why you get so along with Regulus…” He sighs, leaning closer into you. “Anyway, I was obviously talking about me, the better looking brother”

“I mean, no offense, you’re definitely good looking, but the better one…?” You ask, not moving closer to him, but neither moving away.

“So, definitely… I can work with that” He smiles, leaning even closer when he sees his brother approaching you.

“That's all you’re gonna get from that sentence?” You ask him, moving a bit when Reg sits next to you.

“It’s all that matters” He looks at his brother, smiling even more. “Your girlfriend here thinks I’m definitely good looking” He informs, winking when he looks at you.

When you see Regulus' tightened jaw, and look back at Sirius, you get what he’s trying to do. He’s trying to prove a point, that Regulus may like you(you already had your suspicions, because, who agrees to marry his best friend that easily? apart from someone who’s in love with them –aka, you–). And you don’t know how to react, because, well, you get flustered just from the thought of it.

“Do you?” Regulus asks you, taking you back to reality.

“I mean, yes-” He suddenly gets up, trying to walk away. “But I also said that you look better than him” You mutter the last part, looking away. Which helps Regulus, since he doesn’t have to try to hide his flush anymore.

Regulus stares at his brother, possibly planning his murder. But before he can try, Remus appears to save you.

“We have prefect duties” He says, and you get up as soon as you can, leaving the lovely brothers behind.

🕸 ⊹ ⋆

You were honestly too flustered to talk to Regulus after. Because fake dating him was a thing, but telling him he’s hot? You couldn’t deal with his face right now. You wanted to stop thinking about it, about the fact that you might have to break up, so things don’t get uncomfortable. You wanted to get distracted.

And that leads you to your situation right now. Dancing in the middle of a party, this time, alone, in the Gryffindor common room.

You were dancing next to Pandora, ignoring the looks Barty –he’s one of the few who knew about the fake relationship– was giving you, until you got tired and decided to go get a drink. Once you got to the table, Barty was next to you

“Hi” He says.

“Hi” You don’t look at him, instead, you focus on the party in front of you.

“Do you want to smoke outside?” He asks, leaning on your ear.

“Okay” Then he grabs your hand and leads you to one of the balconies of the castle. You stay there, passing the cigarette between the two of you, talking about the school and gossiping. You were looking at the woods, with your forearms on the railing, and Barty was backwards to the woods, with his back on the railing.

"You know, you're really beautiful" He suddenly says as he looks at you.

"Thanks" You look back at him and smile, getting closer to him.

Your lips are almost touching his when the door opens, you pull apart from Barty and look at Regulus, who's looking at him.

Barty clears his throat and walks to the door.

"I'll see you later" He smiles at you and walks away.

You wave at him and look at Regulus, annoyed.

"What was that for?" You ask, copying Barty's earlier position.

"You were going to kiss him" He gets closer to you.

"I know, that was the point"

"Why?" He stands in front of you.

"I don't know what you want me to say" You suddenly get nervous, I mean, you hadn’t talked since Sirius had approached you, and he has never been this close while you two were alone.

"What makes you want to kiss people?" He touches your check with his fingers.

"Well- normally when I'm attracted to them… " You feel your face heat up by the touch of his hand.

"I want to kiss you" He confesses, grabbing your face.

"Then do it"

He grabs your face and puts his lips on yours. You grab the railing with one hand as the other one goes to the back of his neck. He gets closer to you and his hands go to your waist.

He kisses you in a desperate way, and you know that he's been waiting to do this since he met you. He grabs your waist strongly, afraid that you're suddenly going to disappear.

When you're both gasping for air, you pull apart, but your hands don't leave his neck.

“What do I do when I like someone?” He asks, his hands not leaving your waist.

“You ask them out” You say, smiling.

“What if we’re already dating?” He also smiles, before kissing you again. “I couldn't stand it, I'm sorry. I know we're dating in front of our families, but I like you for real. And everyone's here trying to date you, and it felt good knowing that you were with me in a way, but I want to be with you in every way, in front of everyone, I want to be your real boyfriend" He says.

"At least you asked this time" You smile and give him a quick kiss. "I'd love to be your real girlfriend too"

#regulus black #regulus x reader #young sirius black #the marauders era #fluff fluff fluff #harry potter

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yakumtsaki · 1 year

Photo

I’d like to start this update with this shocking image of SHAJAR TICKLING JOJO. Since when do you two remotely interact?!?

-Oh lighten up, will ya? -My beloved daughter is right, look at those snapdragon animations, everything’s literally coming up roses around here!

YA RIGHT, ‘things are going great’, what bs are you gonna come up with next??

-Things ARE going great! Look at me suddenly being a good father!

-And look at me becoming a professional party guest! And I’ve been super loyal to Don too, huhu!🌸

Ok well excuse me if I don’t bust out the confetti yet, historically we’ve had some difficulties maintaining a winning streak around here..

Sugar, there you are! Now what disaster do you currently have going on, spit it out.

-No disasters, just enjoying my day off!

WHAT IS HAPPENING

-I’ve just read this great book about the importance of skin-to-skin contact for newborns!

-And I rolled the want to potty-train Felina!

-And I just love changing diapers all of a sudden!

OK SERIOUSLY WTF. Are we gonna have our first calm update.. EVER??

Oh man here we go, here we go, what are you two arguing about!

-Nothing, we’re just talking about how nice it is that those spicy updates are a thing of the past! -It’s so much better to treat each other with love and respect!💗

Are you people trying to drive me crazy??

-I got promoted again! I can’t wait to share the good news with my family and then spend quality time with my children!

OH MY GOD ENOUGH

The kittens grew up and Shinok is the automatic heir per my tradition of picking the chonkiest cat! The puppies also grew up..

..and I think it’s clear who the dog heir is LOL. Veronica where the hell did your giant ears come from??

-I don’t know but they’re a lewk!

They most certainly are! The non-heir pets are of course going off to have much better lives with Wulf and Angel❤️

Speaking of ❤️, it is with a heavy ❤️ that after trying to turn Jojo into a werewolf for the better part of a century, I’M NOW CURING HIM PER HIS WISH. Jojo truly, I have no words.

-Well then you’re gonna love the want I’m about to roll tomorrow!

GO TO HELL

Things continue to go UNNERVINGLY well. Liz topped her career and rolled the want to teach Felina to talk-

-followed by the want to teach her to walk! (Look at their identical noses, awwwww🧡)

Then Sophito rolled the want to teach her a nursery rhyme, at which point something incredibly shocking has become clear. Sit down for this: we are dealing with our first pair of good parents in the main house.

DUDE. THEY’RE EVEN HAVING CONVOS ABOUT PARETING I CAN’T. REMEMBER WHEN YOU USED TO BANG ON THE UNI POOL TABLE??

-Oh haha, we sure were wild back then! Now dear, I read about this great new educational toy-

-Oh I know the one, it said it helps with cognitive development! -Yes! -We need to get two, Bartholomew is about to become a toddler!

Oh right he is!

That’s how calm shit is around here, that I actually REMEMBERED a birthday. Alright Barth, time to grow up! Please don’t get the Frances eyebrows, please, please, please-

-YES THANK GOD. Now let’s check the ole personality panel..

..OH NO HE HAS SHAJAR’S PERSONALITY. DON’T EVEN THINK OF ROLLING POPULARITY, YOU HEAR ME, YOU LITTLE BRAT?? Happy birthday etc.

Speaking of Shajar, Cyneswith remains a better grandma than her despite not being these kids’ grandma.

-I wanna teach her how to talk!🌸

You what now?

-Ok baby now say ‘chair, huhu💗’! -Chaiw, huhu💗! -YAYYYY🌸

Alright I’m starting to develop a theory here since Cyn is so ridic partial to Felina but doesn’t seem to give a crap about Bartholomew, that maybe Cyn wanted a daughter?? Idek dude, NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANYMORE.

Look at this shit.

LOOK.

LOOK. Like these are legit some never-before-seen images, where did this all functionality come from??? Also man Barth is ROTUND, his cheeks! Liz and Soph really made some cute bbs🧡

It’s time for Felina’s birthday, which I ALSO REMEMBERED. Jojo does the honors since this is probably the last birthday where he’ll be with us💔

OMG SHE’S A LIL SOPHITO CLONE

-I sure am! Now if you’ll excuse me, grandma Cyn said she has bought some new clothes for me!

OH GOOD LORD CYN

#long post #gen 4 #ts2

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unluckyhoneybee · 1 year

Note

so can i request 10 <pulling them closer by the waist in crowds> and 16 <letting them cry on ur shoulder> for ur love language prompt list w marcus 🥺

i was out the last night w some friends at a club idek why i went tbh i hate crowds i can’t dance and alcohol is legit my anxiety trigger point???

anyways so yesterday i had gone to the washroom n the booth we were at was at the other end of the room and i had to walk all the way there it was HORRIFIC

anyways so yah maybe like a club scene w bf!marcus where y’all r in the club and u get super overwhelmed n he just takes u home n u cry and it leads to some soft sex 🥺🥺

u don’t have to have the seggsy bit i kinda just wanna read him consoling y/n cozy mental health needs it negl 👉👈

anyhoo thx amorcita no se porque yo escribi esto en ingles yo se que eres española 😭😭😭

Love Language. As a really introverted person with some social anxiety too, I'm using my own knowledge to write this.

10. Pulling them closer by the waist in big crowds

16. Letting them cry on ur shoulder

"I will be fine" That's what you had told Marcus. He wanted go out with the guys and had told you that there was no problem if you wanted to stay at home. He was very comprehensive and he understood that partying wasn't your thing. But you wanted to go out with him for once. You wanted to spend some time doing things he enjoyed. Wrong idea.

The music was so loud. You couldn't even concentrate in the conversations around you. Clem was trying to tell you something, he was already a bit drunk and was tapping your arm with each word. Someone walked behind you and pushed you to make space. You whined. The lights were blinding you and so distracting. You could focus on anywhere. The sounds were amplified and your heart was beating so fast. You needed to get away from that.

"I'm going to the toilet" You told Clem so he could tell Marcus once he was back with the drink.

The way to the toilet was easy. You refreshed yourself and stayed for a bit in the cabin. The muffled sound of the music outside was kind of comforting, like a white sound to sleep. You needed some good time to recover from the crowd out. But when you thought you were ready to leave and opened the door, you found even more people dancing to some pop music. It was so hard to reach the table again. You were pushed and got stuck in the crowd a couple of times. Your breath was unsteady and tears clouded your eyes. And when you finally reached Marcus, he turned to you smiling and dancing a bit. But he stopped the moment he saw you.

"YN"

You grabbed him because he was your safe place. And he hugged your shoulders because he knew it.

"Are you okay? Did someone do something to you?" He was really worried.

"I can't..." That was all you managed to say.

"Okay, okay. No problem. Let's go home"

You felt bad because he was leaving so soon because of you. But you couldn't stand the noise and lights anymore. Marcus wrapped his coat around you and then said goodbye to everyone. Knowing that probably the big crowd was triggering the attack, he made you walk with him, keeping his hand on your waist and pushing people if it was necessary.

Once in the uber, you cuddle on his side and leaned on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around you.

"It's okay. You will be okay."

You cried in silence on the way back home, feeling too exhausted to even sob. He held you tight, kissing your forehead once in a while. He knew well how he had to treat you when you were like this.

Once the cab arrived to your flat and you were outside the building, he made you stop, he cupped your cheeks and kissed your forehead so gentle. "Think about this... About what surrounds you"

You didn't move, you just obeyed adn waited there on his arms. Your thouhgt about the cold Novemeber air, the wind moving the threes, Marcus's warm hands on your cheeks... And slowly, you calmed down. You felt like you could breath again. You opened your eyes and found him looking at you.

Your only reaction was to stand on your tip toes and kiss him softly, which he gladly accepted.

"I love you" You whispered on his lips.

"I love you too"

"Thank you"

He kissed your forehead and guided you inside.

You slowly took your clothes off, they smelled weird from the club.

"What was the problem?" HE soflty asked when you sat on the bed with him wearing nothing more than your underwear. He ran the tip of his finger over your spine and you found it quite comforting.

"The noise... the lights... the people..." You started but couldn't finshish because the tears were back. He hugged you again and you his on his shoulder.

"It's fine." He whispered and caressed your hair. "I'm so glad you told me"

You nodded. At the beginning you wouldn't tell him so he wouldn't feel bad. You didn't want him to think you were weird. But now that you had been dating for long he couldn't read you perfectly, so it wasn't worth it hiding.

Marcus ran his finger on the side of your face and you looked up. He carefully dried your tears and pressed a kiss in your lips.

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course, Marcus" You whispered back.

"Can I distract you for a bit?"

You blushed deeply because by the grin on his lips you knew what he meant.

"I want you to take your mind away from all of that"

You nodded slowly and melted on his kiss. Marcus was so gentle when he laid you on the bed and climbed over your body His own felt warm on you and his hands were carefully tracing patterns on your sides.

Marcus left kisses everywhere he could, knowing how much you loved when he treated you like this. And then, he pulled your panties down your legs. With soft bites on your thighs and leaving a couple of marks that made you moan, he reached your centre.

"Oh fuck" You gasped when you felt the first touch of his tongue and pulled his hair. He groaned and dive deeper. Marcus loved this, he loved how quickly you got lost in the feeling and how your whole body and mind relaxed.

He made you come like that first, smiling when you, in the middle of an amazing high, pulled him for a kiss and devoured his mouth. He simply loved it.

Then, he put the condom on and slid in you. The slow movements and his intense graze on you made you shiver and whimper. You grabbed into him, wrapped your legs around his hips and pulled him close.

"I love you" He whispered on your lips before kissing you.

"I love you too" You cupped his cheeks and kissed him again.

Between kisses, Marcus moved slowly. Slow sex was something you were pretty used to, it kind of fit well for you two and you loved the intimacy and closeness you could feel.

At some point, desperate for more but not wanting to go faster, he lifted your legs higher and you moaned. It felt so good, you could only focus on him. And it was just what you needed. His hands on your hips and hair, his body on yours and him carefully showing you how much he loved you.

Once you finished, you grabbed into him and he rested his head on your chest. You needed a minute to recover before you could actually speak.

"Marcus?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Thank you"

"For this? It was a pleasure, baby" He said with a cheeky smile and dropped a kiss on your chest.

"No, idiot" You smiled and caressed his face. "For understanding me"

"That's also a pleasure, my love. I want you to be happy"

"You make me happy"

#marcus armstrong #ma #fluff #smut #blurb #from prompt list

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hardtchill · 3 months

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For me it’s very similar to the other anon. I’m turning 25 this year and I’ve still not got my bachelors degree because I had to quit my first go around at uni since i physically couldn’t learn for my exams. Granted it was compounded by other issues such as depression and anxiety but i genuinely believe that a not insignificant part of those issues come from the fact that adhd makes it near impossible to organise myself (unmedicated btw).

Seeing this on my feed rn is kind of ironic since even though im in my third year of a degree that I actually enjoy now, I literally dropped out of an exam that I was supposed to write today cuz I couldn’t revise. It’s not like I didn’t have the time and I’ve known for weeks about the deadline, but with every assignment or exam I push my own boundaries further and further back until I can’t do it anymore. Last semester I crammed 84 pages worth of notes in under 48h, an exam mind you that I’d pushed back over a year and was literally my last shot or I’d not be allowed to continue with my studies. I barely slept, I was throwing up, but I somehow passed, and with a good grade at that. Since then my brain is like, well you managed to do that that one time so you can totally afford to wait until the DAY before an exam to finish it. Or write a 15 page paper in a day.

And you know what, maybe I can. But the problem is the cost. It’s killing me. I find that it’s also very isolating cuz generally people don’t have a lot of empathy for this? So I end up pulling back from everyone including my best friends until I’m at a point again where I can be around people without letting on how incredibly bad I’m doing. Or I just straight up lie so they don’t know that I’ve not done the things i said I would do.

And all this is not just within the framework of academia. It’s also impacted my wellbeing in a more general sense - cooking for myself is hard because I tend to not listen to my body’s cues until I’m on the verge of passing out cuz i forgot to eat or drink, or by the time I’m hungry I still have to make a meal so I end up ordering something cuz it’s faster. Same with showering daily or brushing your teeth. Getting any routine started in general and sticking with it. I’ve been meaning to start exercising again but I keep delaying it for no reason. I’ve worked out regularly in the past so I know it’s something that I enjoy and that makes me feel good but despite that I’m still stuck in this place of inertia? It’s awful.

I’ve talked to some friends who also have adhd about it and the inability to start something cuz it isn’t instantly gratifying or that doesn’t align with an interest but is an obligation is quite common. Can I binge 7 seasons of a reality show in a week if it really interests me? Hell yeah! (I do watch everything at 2x speed cuz everyone talks too slow lmao but still). Will i fly through a massive book and literally forego sleeping if it means getting through more of it if im really invested? Absolutely. 1500 puzzle? Massive Lego set? Yep! Taking notes from a textbook for an assignment? Literally kill me right now.

I’m sorry for this long ass message and idek if you’re gonna read all of this but yeah just wanted to share my experience. Adhd is absolutely not quirky or a superpower and I wish there was a better understanding of it out there because it makes me my own worst enemy every day.

Ugh anon i feel you so much. I have skipped on many an exam during my bachelors because i just couldn't concentrate, focus or start revision. It's completely miserable to literally see the time go by where you feel the stress but you just cannot get your brain to start on what you need to do.

Any time i told teachers and now colleagues that i work well with deadlines i get told i'm not motivated enough because if i was i wouldn't need deadlines. That's just so unfair! My brain is graving dopamine, it's not laziness that my brain does this, it's literally just ADHD.

This is the same reason why your brain (usually) jumps into action when that crippling anxiety hits, because you're so close to a deadline that your brain can smell the dopamine.

The only reason that i finished my 6 month thesis is because i had many mini deadlines during those 6 months. I felt the anxiety to finish a part of it every month and i had a teacher who was very nice and gave you compliments when you did (DOPAMINE). If i didn't have that i would still be writing my thesis now.

ADHD is so misunderstood by so many people. It affects every part of your life and the negative consequences are so much bigger and impactful than the potential positive outcomes. I mean yeah i'm creative and can think fast, awesome but that doesn't make up for the anxiety, stress and grief you go through anytime your brain just doesn't want to start something.

#ask #adhd

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evansbby · 2 years

Text

okay so

I don’t know if this is bc I’m overly emotional bc I’m so overworked and exhausted and can’t catch a break irl (like literally cannot catch a fucking break in the sense that even on my days off I have to go do some shit or the other for someone else).

But anyways, coming on here has started to increasingly be not that fun. I just feel like every ask I get, almost every time anyone communicates with me on here, it’s literally just “when will you update this” and “can we have a fic about this” even when it’s complimenting one of my existing fics, it’s always “omg I loved x, could I please have a fic where etc etc” and often there isn’t even a “please” attached like… it’s gotten so much lately… like i just feel like a robot churning out content.. to the point where if i don’t put out at least a drabble or smth… that people are gonna unfollow me or lose interest

like i get it’s just tumblr and it’s not meant to be that deep but i audibly sigh every time i open my askbox and it’s a message like “omg i loved your fic, could i get another fic about etc” like?? okay so you didn’t reblog my fic or give me any comment on it but you wanna ask for another one? when i JUST posted something??? like idek man, i’m so grateful for my followers and readers and most of you are so amazing and way too good to me but… you know… like i’ll ask “omg how is everybody” and i’ll get responses like “just waiting for you to update x” and ???? okay???? i get y’all followed me for my writing but come on…

I’ll probably delete this soon bc i feel embarrassed when I rant and I don’t want to come across as ungrateful and honestly it isn’t that deep, but I feel like I’ve just been so quick to get angry and irritable lately, both on here and irl… and idk man clearly something is taking it’s toll on me lmao. idek what the point of this rant is, i don’t want to hurt any feelings or make anyone feel bad… i know a lot of the time people don’t realise or they don’t mean it but when it happens so often that i’m just not even able to relax on here… idek man

also psa i don’t reply to any anon hate anymore. like it will straight up be deleted so please don’t even try you’ll be wasting your own energy

#personal

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pinkspiraling · 1 year

Text

day 2

(i’m just gonna start doing these and it’s pretty much me talking about my day, feel free to ignore)

well i spent all morning crying and feeling like i needed to peel my skin off. but i did end up texting my best friend :) and she was lovely and supportive and she said she loves me “so so much” which hearing that when i need it so badly right now was really good. she’s great and i’m thankful for her and i told her as much. work was kinda rough tho. it was my first time working sober and without a trainee in weeks so i was anxious and very on edge. i get so tensed up and weird when i’m there sober and now i remember this from early december! i started losing my voice at work like i could barely get words out at all and then i started getting high at work and didn’t notice it anymore and today it was like i could barely fucking say anything. idk what’s wrong with me i think it’s my social anxiety like making me so tense and frozen up that i just can’t seem to push words out very well, i truly can barely get the air out. i also was talking too high pitched and too fast all day which def means i was feeling uncomfortable but like not even in a big way just in the way that i am always fucking uncomfortable if i am in public and around people. and work is extra hard bc i HAVE to talk to the people like there’s no avoiding it idek how ive kept this job two years i do not make eye contact with customers bc i am really bad at it! anyways. uhhh i guess i haven’t been feeling so self conscious at work when i’m high but i felt very vulnerable today. i felt like any second someone could come in and do something to upset or hurt me. idk why i get that way, it just feels like every person is a threat…like everyone is going to hurt my feelings. idk if that makes sense to anyone else maybe that’s just me haha. uh anyways, the first hour felt like three i couldn’t believe that so little time had passed when i saw the clock. and somewhere in there i had an hour where i felt emotional and upset but then i got into the work flow and i was okay the rest of the time. and then i got home and immediately felt very empty and bad. i hate nighttime cause idk what to do and it’s weird to be sober at night. i just feel sad and like…i wish i had someone to come home to BUT i came home to my cute nephew so that’s nice enough. that’s all i guess. it wasn’t as hard as yesterday because work is very distracting but this morning was VERY hard and if i hadn’t had work i think it would have been a bad bad day. so it could’ve been worse lol

#pink’s word vomiting

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clarenecessities · 11 months

Text

6/18/23

it’s just kind of a huge fucking bummer when i’m all excited to learn shit and interact with people who care about motu and they keep dumping on satpop, often unprompted. like it’s been three years since i got into this stuff & i’m just now dipping my toes into the designated satpop boards because i know the general opinion among he-fans has been, shall we say, unfavorable--and it’s worse than i feared! like for a website that won’t let you say pussy they sure don’t shy away from disgusting rhetoric!

like it’s one thing for toyguru to Be An Idiot on his youtube channel, that’s on me for even trying to watch his content--idk man, this is a moderated forum where people are supposed to have genuine/good faith discussions, not complain about how unfuckable the teenagers look. i know i’m in the minority here, i’m not expecting it to be as busy as the he-man threads, but i’d like it to be as respectful at least. poor fucking Tallstar (and god bless Tallstar, fr) was out there carrying like 40% of the threads and just being swamped in miserably commentary from people who hated what they were watching.

i can’t in good conscience tell people to check out the org, because the people i interact with are satpop people first and foremost, and the org is incredibly inhospitable on that front. there’s like 19k members and nobody’s posted in the satpop boards since may 16th. i’m hesitant to post there, and i’ve been here for years. and yeah it sure doesn’t help that the main website has been down since october of 2021, but CHRIST. i know they’re doing shit behind the scenes. i know that. i have to believe that. they wouldn’t have been Entirely Down for 2 months otherwise, right? but all we have is the forums, and those don’t even indicate that SatPOP has ended. it’s just a bummer! it feels like, jesus, you cared about this for like 30 years, what changed now?

they don’t even have the ‘yeah sorry we’re down for maintenance, could be a few weeks/months’ alert up anymore, so anyone following a link to an article or something will just get redirected to the forums with no explanation.

and i still haven’t gotten my upgraded account. idek if it’s legal for them to refund me at this point because it’s been two years but i just want to change my icon. that’s all i fucking want. i’m not going to use my business email for this, i’ve had fucking four since i tried signing up. just let me in. let me in and like, actually hold people accountable for their shit, perhaps?

god. i should have just stuck with the modern shit. there’s no reason to be doing this to myself at this point. it’s nice to interact with historians and people i respect and all but christ, is it worth it? i can’t even tell someone to go fuck themselves. the censors are higher than on neopets yet the things i’ve seen people say are somehow more disgusting than twitter

whatever. fuck you, Lokus. Lokus go to hell challenge. explode x1000

#daily clare

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cemeteryrocks900 · 2 years

Text

1am still can’t sleep

Here are things preoccupying my mind

Tw ed thoughts

My goal was to just not look healthy anymore, to look like these girls in “recovery” with the “Ana” face with the super sunken in cheeks and the smile lines when they do anything, to have nothing but bone, to still be able to workout and be able to handle it with my heart

My goal was NOT to have a bad heart, I was not told that my heart would keep weakening, my goal was NOT to not be able to breathe with anything I ever do, my goal was NOT to have my health deteriorate

I just wanted to be extremely small, the ed in me is so fucking competitive and I wanted to get “worse” but my body can’t fucking handle it, it can’t even fucking handle being 4-5 pounds under diagnosis weight (steryotypical gets diagnosed if you’re under 103 blah blah yk what I mean-I was diagnosed at a different weight but I mean the “general”) my body can’t even fucking handle being at a low weight bc my heart just decides it wants to be the first thing to get worse

My goals are so fucked up and ik people will be like “you don’t wanna look like that” you’re right, but idk what the fuck I wanna look like, I just want to be valid-and apparently to be valid you have to look like you’re on the brink of death to be taken seriously, but I can’t get to that point bc my heart can’t take it, and that’s what I’m most worried about, everything else is fine but my DAMN HEART

I hate myself for not being able to be like these other people, these other girls, who are extremely underweight, I hate myself for not being able to fast for days, but reality is-my body just can’t fucking handle it, it’s not that I “can’t commit to an ed” whatever tf that means, i just have the priority of wanting to live, wanting to graduate, wanting to have my own house and a family and be married and have doggies and kitties, and I can’t do that when I’m dying

But I can’t recover on my own, so I’m order for my parents to fucking notice does that mean I HAVE to get to that point??? To the point where I’m extremely sick-sicker than I already am?? I feel like I don’t have a choice. They’ll never see I’m getting worse again unless I get to looking like all the other dangerously emaciated girls and people

If you’ve read this far can someone please give me an idea on how to talk to unsupportive parents and get them to listen? My counselor is supposed to do a collateral with them soon or at least make an appointment so should I wait till then?

Idk I’m so anxious I can’t sleep, my head is racing

Do I really have to get worse just so people can notice? I feel like I look to healthy, and I want your guys’s opinions if I “look too healthy” but 1)everyone has a different perception 2)that’s triggering 3)I hate myself and don’t want anyone to look at me 4)the internet is scary

God why can’t I sleep- I don’t deserve breakfast now after the skittles, idek if we were even going in the first place but still it’s in my head

I’m scared

I can’t

I’m so anxious

Why is my head like this.

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creaturebehavior · 1 year

Text

I think i had a breakthrough in december LOL but i was so fucked up over it at the time that i don’t remember much of december itself, but from the parts i do remember, I feel like I have come such a long way. In december i remember i didn’t even feel like a person anymore, i was so out of touch with myself and with everything and i was going insane. i remember i had this one day where i was crying on the bathroom floor which is weird idek why i was in there instead of my bedroom. but i remember being like i have to figure out how to become real, i have to return to myself. and something actually shifted which i didn’t notice until now. even though i even had this moment like a couple weeks ago where i was noticing how much my mindset was changing, it didn��t set in at the time. thank god. my whole focus truly has become getting to know myself again after becoming like, estranged from myself over the past several years.

i’m sure this is part of why i’ve been able to get back in touch with the anger underneath my trauma. idk how to articulate this but i was reading recently that being able to feel anger again over trauma after the anger being suppressed for a long time is often because you’re getting back in touch with yourself and your sense of agency and getting in touch with your boundaries and beginning to trust yourself and your own judgement again.

whatever’s going on with me has be interesting and is important. i can tell there’s a lot of growth happening right now. i can feel my brain doing stuff. i’ve been pondering a lot lately, and i don’t feel like it’s much different than the stuff i usually ponder, but i’ve been seeing a lot of things differently. and i do feel like a more fully realized person than i used to. i think before i was afraid to get to know myself, and all the parts i knew i grew to hate for various reasons. but then i became so drained trying to be something other than myself and i felt so upset and lost and empty because i realized if you act like someone else in order to be loved, you won’t feel loved at all. which is so basic and taught in every cartoon and sitcom ever, but i didn’t even realize how much i was trying to mask who i was until i didn’t even recognize myself anymore. and i didn’t trust my friends cuz i had put aside a lot of my principles in order to try to connect with them and it just made me feel sick inside. i joined the gossip making fun of people who were just like me because i was so afraid of being found out. it caused me to go insane. i finally got to a point where i was like i can’t deny my shadow self anymore, i need to look them in the eye and get to know them. and then i got to a point where i was like i need to get to know to rest of me, and i need to get in touch with my spirit/soul again.

so much has happened the last couple years and it has not been in vain. it’s all been for something, every experience an important building block in me figuring out this world and building my character

#processing

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maerenee930 · 2 years

Note

I'm sorry you're having a rough night, Mae T^T sending you all the hugs!

What's your zodiac sign and do you believe in astrology/magic?

Also, do you have anything you want to vent about?

aww, it’s okay 🥺 thank you so so much, joz 😭🫂🫂 and thank you so much for asking these!! i seriously cannot tell you how much i honestly appreciate it and all of the hugs and how much i genuinely appreciate you! 🥺😭💙💖

- my sun sign is Libra ✌️ party!! (sorry, i feel like i have to say it everytime i say i’m a libra thanks to adore delano 😂🖤) and my moon is Leo and my rising is also Libra 😄 so basically, i’m an indecisive, sensitive, emotional, artistic/creative and very theatrical human lol. and i absolutely love it! 😂 ♎️♌️♎️

- and i do believe in both astrology and magic ☺️ i’m not saying astrology is like always completely spot on or that i take everything to heart/super seriously 😅 but it all is super interesting to me! and i think it’s so interesting how accurate it can be for certain people and situations. or how it really can play a part in who we are on an emotional level, how we present ourselves to the world, how we’re perceived by other people because of our sun sign or moon and rising and how those signs and their traits can match our personalities. and as for magic, i think to a degree, it absolutely exists! i mean, i’m not saying people need wands to do magic or that what we see in shows, movies and in books is the only way to view magic 😅 but i think magic exists in many different ways. at the moment, i’m having a hard time finding the right words to give examples 🤦‍♀️ but i do believe there are so many types of magic in the world 🖤

- and yeah i do kinda need to vent about some stuff 🥺 thank you for letting me 😭🫂🫂 tomorrow i go back to work after being home for about a week and a half and i’m reeeeally glad to be going back because being home this much because of covid has made me feel like i’m going crazy! my dad has been driving me nuts! he’s been (as always anymore) in such a weird mood and just really annoying and rude! or like tonight, we had people over and he gets all weird and acts like such an ass to my mom and i when he’s around people he doesn’t live with 😑

(there’s a lot more under the cut so no one has to sit there and scroll through all my rambling nonsense 😅 apologize in advance for how much i ramble, for any spelling and grammar errors and if all of this doesn’t make much sense 🖤)

and with having a tough time mentally and emotionally right now, he just isn’t helping anything. and it’s one of his childhood friends who is over right now too and i’m just not a fan of him and i really can’t stand how my dad is around him cause he some how is even more annoying than he normally is when he’s around this friend and uuugh! he’s just the worst and i can’t stand him! he makes me wanna pack up all of my stuff right now and just leave. idek where i would go but i just can’t stand living with him anymore! 😤

and my poor mom 😣 she had another rough moment with my brother (the same kind of situation that happened today, happened the day after his wedding in april) and he’s really hurting my mom’s feelings. she just feels used by him and my sister-in-law (my parents have done A LOT for them over the past 9 almost 10 years. like more than my sister-in-law’s parents have ever done for them and more than most people would do for them in their situation) and yet, my brother chooses to give his energy and attention and time to people who are actual garbage over our family/the people who are truly there for him and have proven time and time again that they will always be there for him/them. like he chooses to spend time with them and give back to them when they don’t even truly do anything for him/them in the first place.

and both today and in april, my mom just wanted to spend time with him today so bad. (like yes, he works at the bakery again so they do work together. but it’s not like they’re spending quality time together at work. you know?) especially after letting him use her van for the past week because they only have one working car at the moment and my sister-in-law needed their car for work and maybe other things. and after my parents gave them a chair and a couch (i mean, yes we were getting rid of them anyway but my parents didn’t have to offer the furniture to them. especially after the way the treated our basement when the lived here. and just after all the stuff they did for them for the wedding, when her parents didn’t even offer to help pay for anything for the wedding. at all. the countless times my parents have done stuff for them or let them use one of their cars because they usually only have one working car and they needed another to get to work. just- my parents have done a lot for them, more than most people or parents would, to be honest.)

but they were hanging out with actual garbage. (they were also hanging out with that same person the day after the wedding and that friend does absolutely nothing for them! they buy them shit but tbh, buying material things does not a good friend make. and they were a shit friend to me when i was friends with them and they both knew that! uuuugh!! i’m getting off topic and this isn’t relevant to anything 🤦‍♀️) but yeah, my mom was hurt that once again, my brother was choosing to spend time with someone who we know very well wouldn’t be there for him or my sister-in-law the way we are and other and better friends would be and have been there for him/them. and it really hurt her. she broke down and i held her for about 10 minutes while she cried 😭

my mom does so much stuff for everyone and just deserves so much more and better than she gets 😭 and i’m just so mad at my brother of all people for being like this and for being like this with her! i’ve gotten used to him doing shit like that to me. (i mean it started way before they decided to stay friends with that piece of trash after knowing how they treated me the entire time we were friends and were angry for me when they were being a shit friend to me.) but i’m not okay at all with him hurting our mom! he’s been making all the choices 😑 the past few years and- uuugh! he needs to wake up and see that if he’s not careful, he’s going to lose the people who actually, truly and genuinely care about him and who will actually be there for him when he needs them.

and then there’s my stupid pms 😭 i’ve been so exhausted physically getting over covid and then my pms kicks in on top of it and is making me even more tired and it’s soo annoying! i hate this so much because all i want to do is sleep! i feel like there’s a magnet or something weighing and pulling me down and i have practically no energy and i go back to work tomorrow and i don’t want to be and can’t be this tired when i’m with the kids! and then my pms is messing with my hormones and emotions. i’m feeling really low mentally and emotionally. i’ve been feeling worthless and like i’m in everyone’s way and everyone would be better off if i either disappeared or just stay in my room, hide and never come out so i can leave them alone.

i feel like i’m annoying everyone all the time. i need a break from myself but can’t get one. and i feel like crying so hard but can’t. (i’ve felt that way like all day today) like i physically can’t even though i can feel it and really feel like i have to. (i understand that doesn’t make much sense. but it’s honestly how i’m feeling/the only way i can describe it atm 😓) my anxiety is through the roof. not cause i have to go back to work but because of my pms. i’ve been irritable, angry, firstly and annoying at the most random, stupidest and smallest things because of my damn pms. and i’m getting annoyed with myself for feeling/being like this.

i’m having cramps but haven’t actually started that time yet 🙃 those cramps are so annoying! and yet, at the same time because my logic and rationality wants to kick in when i’m feeling low, i still love myself so much, who i am/who i’ve become and know my worth and value. but still feel so low. and i’m feeling like i’m too much and not enough for anyone/everyone. my touch starvation is really bad right now 😭 (it usually gets bad when i’m pmsing)

i’m seriously craving physical touch and affection so bad 😭 and i feel like i’m never gonna be in a relationship and o would really really like to be in one 😭 i want a partner so bad because i have so much love to give someone and know i’m worth being loved and deserve to have so much love given to me! and honestly, i don’t want it just for the sake of being able to say i’m in a relationship/because i want a relationship with just anyone. i want a relationship with someone i really like and someone who really likes me back/feels the same way about me that i do them. like my reasons are more than just me being lonely and wanting someone/anyone. i want companionship but in a romantic way and in a genuine way.

but i feel like that never gonna happen for me. i feel like i’m too much for anyone/everyone and even though i know my worth, i really and genuinely love/like myself, who i am, who i’ve become and what i look like, i don’t think anyone will feel the same way about me 😣 but i just want kisses and cuddles and love and affection and attention and forehead kisses and someone to hold me and make me feel loved and i want to give all of the and so all of that with someone and make them feel loved, too 🥺 i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again. i want someone to look at me the way dave looks at klaus. and i want to look at someone the way klaus looks at dave. i want to love someone the way klaus loves dave. and i want someone to love me the way dave loves klaus. i know we didn’t get much screen time or content of them but i think we all can guess that they genuinely and truly loved each other. but just the way they loves each other and how much/how deeply they cared about and for each other and loved each other, is what i want, too. i don’t want a “perfect” relationship. i want a real, imperfect and loving one.

but my head is all over the place and don’t feel like i’m worth being loved like that by someone because of my stupid pms. even though rationally and logically, i know that’s not true. i just feel so lonely and low 😣 and being home the past week because of self isolating (thank you covid 🙃) i feel even more alone 😭 i just- idek 😭 i want people and i want to be with someone and i want to be wanted and needed and i want someone to love me and to love them back just as much as they love me. i want to not be alone or so lonely anymore.

i know i’m not perfect (i mean i know i’m anything but/very and really far from perfect) but i would be a good partner 🥺 (hell, the person could call me their boyfriend, girlfriend, their themfriend or their partner or whatever cute name they wanted!) i just want to be someone’s and i want someone to be mine 🥺😭

and i want to move out and be on my own, and i want money so i can afford to live on my own, and i want to move to california or ireland or somewhere in england and i’m just tired of not only living at home but living in michigan! (i’m not saying everything would suddenly be perfect or i wouldn’t have any problems where ever i move to, because i know i will have problems/there will be a new and different set of issues. but i’m just so tired of these ones lol.)

i’m tired of being a uterus owner! i’m tired of it messing with my hormones, emotions my mental health/messing with me mentally, i’m tired of it messing with me physically. i’m just tired of so many things from it and just tired of so many things in general!

there’s honestly so many other things i wanna vent about, but i don’t want this to be any longer than it already is 😣 i know it’s not that all that interesting and i understand it gets annoying and boring after a while.

i’m sorry all of this/my thoughts were all over the place. like i said, i have a lot going on in my head right now. it’s all just a jumbled mess 😣🤦‍♀️😓

#thank you so much again joz 💖#joz-stankovich #anon/honesty hour #please send as many as you want!#send me questions #i need a distraction from my brain 😓#venting/rambling #astology #magic #ask game #ask mae #libra sun #leo moon #libra rising #i’m a f*cking libra #adore delano

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