#and jayce knows that he's got the better end of the deal and he does everything he can to let viktor know he's with him

[wizardnuke]

gotta say there is nothing funnier in arcane than the sudden girlfriend episode. no homoed so hard it manifested a love interest out of nothing and thus tore a rip in reality. the spectre of victor's heterosexuality turned into a greasy smear on the floor. want to have been a fly on the wall for whoever decided this had to happen because wow.

I mean to be clear I do really like how it went! jayce and mel r Fascinating to me and I think their relationship + viktor's lonlieness is an Important Contrast for The Story. but I'm a homosexual and jayce and viktor already clearly love each other so I'm just saying, what if for funsies,

#alt answer: the writers realized there were multiple definitions for the word 'partner' and were like oh fuck give the hot guy a gf stat #ask #anon #but the point is (methinks) that yes. the hot guy gets the girl. and the popularity and the council seat. and he deserves it he does! #but so does viktor. but viktor is just never going to have that kind of dumb luck- his health and charm and rich family #and jayce knows that he's got the better end of the deal and he does everything he can to let viktor know he's with him #but viktor's just kind of used to working alone and he doesn't want to slow jayce down. etc. I am fond of them.

[princesssmars]

bakery babe

a vi x reader

you asked vi why she doesnt use more pet names with you. you then start to regret it.

a/n: lets go sapphics. but fr i love her and her tag is dry but getting better but i need to contribute this stupid idea. the idea of vi bringing those back breakers home is funny.

contains: mostly fluff with some spice/nsfwish in the end (they makeout and alludes to them taking a trip to pound town). me being a simp. vi being a simp. YOU being a simp. enjoy.

(f/d) - fave drink | (f/s) - fave snack

"why do you only call me babe?"

vi's head perks up at your question. youd both been in the living room of your small apartment on the edge of piltover and zaun, big enough for the two of you but still nice and cozy. it was a day off for vi from her job securing both of the cities safety, and youd decided to just spend it together in each others company at home. it’d been silent in your living room while you read and she cleaned off her gauntlets until your question.

throughout your entire relationship, vi had only called you “babe”. you didn't have a problem with or the way it sounded especially because her voice was gorgeous but that's not the point, but you knew she was a giant flirt and a general tease. she called caitlyn “captain cupcake”, she still liked to tease jayce by calling him "pretty boy"; she had multiple nicknames for everyone. so the singular one for you made you wonder.

the other woman's brow raised. “i don't understand. does it make you uncomofrtable? do you not like me calling you babe?”

“no, no, i do!” you raised your hands, waving them quickly in front of you, “it's just that's the...only pet name you use. i thought after hearing you with others you'd be more…creative, i guess.”

her eyes widen and a smile graces her face. “more...creative, huh? yeah, i can do that.”

good god.

strike one

about two weeks later, you found yourself in the kitchen cooking a somewhat complicated dinner for you and your lover. these past few days vi had been working extra hours at the department after some of silco’s old goons started causing trouble in the undercity. which was horrible because of the harm they were causing to innocent people, of course, but also because your poor girlfriend came home at such late hours in the night looking exhausted. you insisted she take some more days off or work less hours, but vi was nothing if not hardheaded.

so, knowing she wouldnt back down on working hard, it was only right you did this nice thing for her. hell, you even went down to jerichos' to ask him for the recipes for vi's favorite dishes.

a while into cooking, you hear the familiar sounds of the front door closing and the atlas gauntlets falling in place on the floor. the sound of vi’s heavy footsteps move towards you until you feel her strong arms wrap around your stomach, her face resting on your shoulder. you briefly move a hand to brush through her hair, making her hum. “rough day again?”

she groans loudly, smiling when you laugh at her. “when is it not a rough day at this point? i swear it's like every damn hour I have to deal with some stuck-up piltie who thinks im too stupid to help or an asshole zaunite who thinks im just a traitor or a liar,” she sighs. as she talks, you continue cooking the dinner while listening to her rant about her day. “and then I nearly got in trouble for telling some asshole at the precinct off! he's lucky I didn't kick his ass. but whatever, it's over now. i'm just glad to be here with you, sweetheart.”

you stopped stirring. “sweetheart?”

vi paused then laughed behind you, gripping onto you tighter. “well-yeah, you said I wasn't creative enough, so i'm trying stuff out. what do you think?”

you turn from the dinner to face her, wrapping your arms around her shoulders and looking into your girlfriend's pretty blue eyes as she looks at you oh so lovingly. “i think it's cute. i love it. use it more.”

“im glad you like it, sweets” she smiles, laughing at your demand and then moving to kiss your cheeks and your lips before turning you back to the stove. “so, whats for dinner?”

strike two

you and vi were walking around the market in piltover, looking for some new clothes and furniture for your home. it was a warm sunny day, and sometimes you caught vi stopping and basking in the sunlight. growing up in the lanes, day and night were almost interchangeable thanks to the altitude, but now that she spent most of her time outside and not in a cell, the pink haired girl blossomed. the cutest part was how her freckles had grown in numbers and darkened in color.

after walking, observing, and buying things for a few hours, vi tugs your arm to sit on a stool at a pop-up cafe, waiting for one of the workers behind the counter to become available to you. you're just glad to be off of your aching feet for a moment, finding comfort in vi holding your hands in hers.

" 'm sorry we've been walking for so long. theres just so much i want to get here." vi apologizes, bringing your hands up to her mouth to press kisses on to them.

you beam at her soft words and actions. "its fine, shortcake. i know you didnt get to buy much when you and pow were younger. our walls n shelves are a bit bare, so get whatever knick-knacks you want."

vi's scarred lips turn up into an appreciative smile before she cups your cheeks and presses kisses onto them, smiling even harder at your giggles. she was such a pda lover, but what could she say? you were a catch, and she loved to show you off.

"hi! can i get you two anything?" a cheery voice pips up from your right, making your love pull away from you to face the barista.

"hello. i'll just take a coffee, but my lil pumpernickel here will take a (f/d) and a (f/s), thank you."

vi, like the little shit she is, casually turns her head back to you after placing your order. as your expression grows more and more confused she struggle to contain her amusement.

"p...pumpernickel? are you serious? what does that...thats just bread!"

"yeah but it sounds cute, right?"

strike three

the way you fell for this girls charms were unreal. itd scare you if it didnt pay off in the best ways.

before this youd both been out with friends, enjoying yourselves in a booth at the last drop. the night was filled with stories from your younger days, friendly teasing, and laughter. but as the hours ticked on and the drinks kept coming, you noticed that vi became more flirtatious and teasing, whispering in your ear and raising her hand slowly up your thigh.

all of that led you to now, pressed againt the door of your apartment with a very eager vi pressing into your front while pressing wet kisses on your neck.

"mmhh..v-vi, baby, lets move this to the bedroom, yeah?" you whimper, dually pressing your hands on her shoulders to push her off and pull her in closer.

she hums, squeezing her arms tight against your waist. "hmm, i dont know, hun. i think we should stay riiight here. we wanted to christen every part of the house, remember?"

"god, youre a pervert." you groan, partly in due to playful annoyance and partly because she literally bit you on the most sensitive part of your neck. when you turn your head to reprimand her she captures your lips in a heated kiss.

her kiss is all consuming, causing your legs to feel weak and your brain dizzy. shes taking all of you, and youd gladly give her anything and everything.

she pulls away, her eyes still closed as she pants to catch her breath. "fuck, you taste so damn good, muffin."

you involuntarily let out a small moan, causing both of your eyes to widen.

after a few seconds, vi starts to smirk.

"so, its muffin, huh?"

"oh my god, shut up." you groan, going to lean your head on the door before you feel her rough hand grip your chin to look at her.

"nuh uh, im gonna have a lot of fun with this. god, i shouldve tried calling you this weeks ago if i knew itd make you sound like that."

you sigh, feeling slightly embarassed but admittedly more turned on. you hated it and loved it at the same time. "are we gonna do something orr are you just gonna tease me all night, you jerk?"

the brawler laughs to herself, quickly moving her arms below your ass and on your thighs so you can wrap your legs around her waist.

"dont worry, muffin, i plan on eating every bit of you tonight."

lets just youre. really glad you asked that question.

-

-

-

so many italics. so much horny. what is wrong with me no one look at me.

#vi x reader #vi arcane #arcane x reader #vi fluff #vi smut #arcane vi x reader #fem reader

[independentzaun]

Some notes about...

How my Silco in his main verse (post arcane) generally feels base line about other canon characters.

Vi: At this point he understands that trying to make Jinx choose between him and Vi is only going to hurt Jinx. As much as Silco has no positive feelings towards Vi at all he also has not put a bounty on her head, or anything because he knows that killing or having Vi killed will end up backfiring on him very badly indeed. If he had his way he and Vi would have a begrudging truce between them for Jinx’s benefit.

Caitlyn: He hates her pure, and simple. He has a lot of negative feelings about Vi, but the worst of them have gotten shuffled over onto Caitlyn because Caitlyn is a more viable/safer target than Vi with her not being Jinx's sister. However he’s logical enough to understand that hurting or killing Caitlyn will make things even harder when it comes to dealing with Vi so unless pushed to it he’s not going to deliberately try to harm her. That said if he came across her wounded in an alleyway, and helpless he would very much have to stop and contemplate if he wanted to help her, or let her suffer or die.

Ekko: A pest, but not a priority… at least not until/unless he finds out it was Ekko who got Jinx hurt on the bridge at which point he will want him dead.

Jayce: Arrogant Piltie who doesn’t understand things half as well as he thinks he does. Is however a genius with hextech and creating/inventing/building things. Was at least willing to try to work together which is a point in his favor, and Silco would be willing to try for that again if he thought there was any chance of it but with Jinx having bombed the Council Chamber he doesn’t think there is.

Chem barons in general: Parasites that he accepts he helped create. Silco hoped things would go differently, and they’d be more supportive of The Cause rather than as greedy as they are. He’s starting to want to restructure the whole thing, but isn’t entirely sure how to.

Vander: Doesn’t agree with what he did in terms of making a deal with Grayson, but has a better understanding of it now. Wishes he could have a sit down conversation with Vander, but what’s done is done. Kind of resents Vander for not being the man Silco thinks he could/should have been.

Sevika: One of the very few (as in, two maybe, counting Jinx) he trusts at all. I generally like the idea of them being close to each other and being lowkey friends after all the years working together and all. He very much depends on her, and values her.

Jinx: She’s perfect.

TLDR: Silco wants to rebuild, and fix things and is logical enough to understand that even if he might like the idea of certain people dying it's currently not worth the possible backlash.

#justsilcothings

[retrogradedreaming]

With the way the series likes to play with parallel imagery, do you think we'll end up with a scene in Season 2 mirroring Jayce's S1 trial, but with Viktor getting banished?

Ohhh I hadn't even thought of this!! I've only watched the show one and a half times, I've never played LoL, and I don't know much of the lore, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

My short answer is no.

My slightly more thought out answer is that Viktor is so often overlooked in S1 that I don't think they'd figure out he's doing anything concerning until it was beyond the point where anyone could do anything about it. He's already doing dangerous experiments on himself, largely BECAUSE everyone else is like "oh well, guess you'll die" and the only one besides Viktor who even seems to want to help him is Jayce, who is distracted by a bunch of other things, and even more so the longer he stays on the council and gets involved in other things.

Aside from that, people have always treated Jayce as the face of Hextech while Viktor is treated as Jayce's assistant more than his partner. Which isn't all that surprising, given how the world treats disabled and chronically ill people, and I think that would play into how they would treat him if he were discovered to be doing something dangerous (as in, it would be treated like "oh he can't do something like THAT," kind of in the same vein as people think Viktor keeps Jayce in line - which I know isn't SAID in canon, but. I believe it).

I don't think they'd banish him, at least not right away, and it might become impossible for them to banish him, depending on what kinds of advancements he makes (I don't know much about the Machine Herald stuff other than...Viktor becomes that - I don't know how, though, so if someone else does, feel free to come in and just overwrite everything after this point). I could see him becoming more powerful than they expect (again, since they've sidelined him this whole time), and by the time they're like "hm wow this is some kinda problem" Viktor would already have planned what to do next.

I also think he's got a gift for working himself into and out of situations as necessary. He has a sharp wit, he knows the system, he knows what people expect and how to catch them off guard, and he's dying (which someone else pointed out in another post is basically like...we're seeing him at his most desperate, and he'll do anything to stay alive and keep doing magical science). Viktor is so fucking smart and he knows it, but he's not egotistical about it (HE doesn't sign every page of his notes), and I think that works to his advantage when it comes to things like getting himself out of certain situations.

Plus, I think Jayce would advocate for him here. He'd find a way to buy time for Viktor, even if Jayce isn't the one "saving" him. But I think whatever he does would encourage the rest of the council to be like "well, we can't benefit as much without this guy." So that would probably discourage them from banishing him, because if the council sees that Viktor is a way to make Piltover and themselves richer, they'd be more hesitant to remove him from the equation. This would, of course, backfire, because Viktor is so dedicated to science for its own sake and for the sake of bettering the lives of people beyond the already rich that after a point, I think he'd stop caring what they want him to do.

Anyway, that was a long tangent, but basically I think that because people already sideline him, they wouldn't bother trying to banish him. They'd probably try to deal with it quietly/behind the scenes, and then by the time they actually figured out there's a real problem, Viktor would just be like "no" and do whatever he wanted anyway.

#yeah i could've answered this in 3 sentences or less but i didn't want to #i'm still learning viktor's character so if anyone disagrees that's fine #thanks for asking me though i love talking about viktor #but yeah basically my answer is no because viktor is so often treated as invisible #viktor arcane #arcane viktor #viktor #arcane #arcane netflix

[arcane-ish]

Thinking smutty Mel x Silco dynamics

@magalimoons said: That makes sense re Silco’s dodgy imaginings but I think it could be done in a hot way, like it’d be dome rough power play but not necessarily demeaning. Yes re Mel and potentially going into dark shit w/women lovers.

I guess my way of thinking was that when Silco talks about his motivations in Act 1 and him and Vander go back and forth about respect, I always got the impression that deep down he wants to humiliate the topsiders. So I tend to picture that he would fantasize about humiliating scenarios if it was about top siders (ie make her crawl, make her beg, smudge her makeup, pull and mess up her hair, make her cry, make her choke on it, enjoy my power over them when I always felt powerless vis a vis the topsiders, make her fear me). 

Which you know, can work for some people, but I tend to enjoy fantasies more when I can at least imagine the other person would be into it if they knew about it, and here I just can’t with Mel. 

(I think I’ve said before, I find it very telling that imo it doesn’t come across that Mel enjoys the power difference between her and Jayce. Like I do feel like maybe she enjoys that she is more experienced than him and she enjoys teaching him (in regards to politics), but she generally does everything to raise him to her level (ie making his house a major house). Rather than getting a kick out of being with somebody who is clearly below her in rank. So I just think powerplay/aggressive roleplay power play wouldn’t be her thing, particularly with male partners.)

I thought about the Silco fantasizing about Mel concept some more, I guess if he knew her better and respected her, I guess I could imagine a scenario where he imagines her as the dominant or seductive one and I guess that could work better (for some reason my mind suggests him doing foot worship on her and fantasizing about her giving him a foot job [because that would preserve the distance between them/would be her keeping him at foot’s length, would perserve the dynamic that he can���t fully have and touch her, or maybe him fantasizing about her riding him and teasing him with her hair]). 

Re: Mel and Woman: I kind of imagine that any relationship with a woman where there is any sort of age difference would get very emotionally messy for Mel very quickly (like whether you think Mel x Caitlyn* or Mel x Grayson or of course any OC), regardless of whether she was the younger or the older one in the relationship. And I tend to see Mel as a smart cookie who would hence avoid relationships like that because she is aware of her own weaknesses and want to steer clear of them or only deal with them in a very “calculated risk” kind of way. (huh I guess I kind of headcanon at her having that point of view somewhat in common with her mother who sent Mel away because Mel could be her weakness, at the same time I think we clearly see her experimenting with some weakness/letting herself be softer with Jayce, but again, I feel in a very soft calculated risk kind of way) (I guess that could be a fun dynamic for a Mel x female character story, for her to be all “I normally don’t do that, but with you I just can’t stay away, for you I’m making the exception”)

Sidenote: If there was a flirtation/tension between Mel and Silco, I tend to head canon Mel as somebody who is quite loyal in relationships and who wouldn’t just cheat on Jayce, somebody who would end the relationship before starting new and who wouldn’t end the relationship easily (because investment). (which brings an interesting plot bunny of like a scene where things end between Jayce and Mel in a bitter way somehow and Silco comments on it, like I can picture him definitelly as the guy who goes “What a fool Talis was, had no idea what he had, bad things should happen to him” and Mel would appreciate it/it would at least make her smile in that situation (because she is vulnerable to Jayce))

Circling back on Mel and woman, actually when I think about it, that is like one of the few ways I can picture a (dark/dead dove do not eat) Mel x Silco to come about. Like let’s say he is in a situation where he regularly hangs out at the council and one day he comes across Mel’s mom and a lightbulb goes off and it’s very “now I finally get Mel’s personality”. Like now he understands her inner insecurites and can imagine a way he would pressure her into bed (by poking at her insecurities and taunting her about he rmother). (and because she is a topsider I could picture him have no moral qualms about it, because top siders deserve anything bad happening to them)  

I think that’s kind of one of the differences between them, where imo Mel’s way of manipulating people to me feels a bit more celebral and fair, manipulating people’s wants. While Silco’s style of manipulation to me seems more about understanding people’s weaknesses and poking at them (Marcus springs to mind). Like even when he is positively inspiring he tries to get people to recall past indignities to rally them to him. 

Sidenote again: I’m genuinely curious what would the dynamic have been if through some timeline differences if Mel had ever come across a young, pre-injury Silco. Again, looking at Jayce and looking at young!Silco, I’m still pretty sure that spindly Silco wouldn’t have been her type, but I could picture her being kind to him and having pity on him. And I could picture as less jaded, more idealistic young Silco crushing on her like crazy (and her being very “letting him down gently/I’m flattered but you are not my type”). 

Sidenote of Sidenote: Now Mel and young Vander ... now that I could picture be a temptation for her, to hit that at least for a one night stand. 

(maybe that would be a fun setting for a fic, where like Mel is trying to find out more about her enemies and consults a Noxian or Shuriman mage to let her peer into the past or even walk around in the past for a short time and attend like a planning meeting of young Silco and young Vander)

[though I guess it’s not completely impossible that young!Mel might have attended a revolutionary meeting undercover out of curiosity pre Vander&Silco fallout? Like if you buy into the whole concept that the fallout happened around the time Vander took in Vi and Powder that would then be only a couple of years before Act 1, so that could have been Mel around age 20]

* sidenote of sidenote: I could picture super delish dynamics in a Mel x Caitlyn fic. Like maybe some amount of sneaking around/forbidden love/forbidden fruit because Mel works with Cait’s mom and doesn’t necessarily want Cait’s mom to know. Or Mel trying to give Cait advice how to handle her mother in a more diplomatic manner. (firmly thinking pre Act 2 here, so no Cait having met Vi yet and no Mel dating Jayce)

#arcane #mel medarda #silco #vander #jayce #ambessa medarda #mel x silco #mel x jayce #arcane plotbunnies

[hypoallergenicpunx]

i know this is probably an unpopular opinion but i get bi/pan (ftm) trans vibes from Vi.

hear me out.

the way Vi looks at Caitlyn is absolutely gay as all fuck.

but honestly so is the way they wink at Jayce (think about it).

i've seen peeps saying Vi is strictly a lesbian but i get the vibe they'd be bi/pan or even use them interchangeably (i think undercity would probably think pan is a dumb term because they've already established the understanding that bi is gnc af, pan is a topside thing that younger undercity generation will use too for safety reasons but also if they feel the term suits them better. i also feel older folk topside would think of it as pretty taboo to be bi so like peeps like Elora are also kind of bitter about pan because she feels like bi is being swept under the rug but will tolerate (begrudgingly) those who identify with it though she will absolutely criticize it openly.

so that whole dynamic considered, i feel like gender wasn't a huge deal for Vi until their chest started developing and maybe they identified as male while in prison or found out they got some sense of gender euphoria from binding to keep themself from being hyper-sexualized or sexually assaulted. overall i really think they would identify as a demiboy, not really feeling like they would need surgery but if the opportunity presented itself would go for at least partial reduction. i feel like Caitlyn would gladly pay for it or somehow make it seem like the opportunity came to Vi organically by some stroke of luck (idt Vi takes well to charity) - mostly because when she found out they bind (usually for much longer periods of time than they're supposed to) she's so worried about them hurting themself and insists. if Vi found out she was behind it would get upset that it wasn't fair for the other undercity trans folks & thus the concept of a clinic funded by Caitlyn topside with the proceeds going to the same clinic but un the undercity to help those without the money to transition (if they wish). that said i feel like maybe Vi would have taken testosterone for a period of time but in small doses, not to grow facial hair or anything but so their voice would drop some and then after that decided it wasn't necessary to continue.

i feel like Vi wouldn't necessarily have bottom dysphoria but would find the suggestion of them being able to get pregnant kind of cripplingly dysphoric and would have gone back alley to get their tubes tied. that said kids are on the table, just Caitlyn would either have to be the "mother"/pregnant one or they would adopt. (tbh i see Vi and Caitlyn as a longterm thing even if they eventually split or got divorced,

as an extension of that i feel like they would prefer being called 'Mod'/'Maddy'/'Per' (idk why but Mod sounds really natural to me) and say if Jayce and Vi or whatever became an item he would ask about if it bothers them not to be called dad and they'd be like no because that's not me and he'd have respect for that.

aside from that idt Vi would have a problem with pronouns, going by pm any but secretly getting a little boost of gender euphoria when masc or neutral was assumed. does get a bit dysphoric if called fem pronouns too much because most do assume they are a girl and will also stir up scared feelings from being in prison and stuff that would end up with them drinking to forget/beating the shit out of something and then either or having a good cry that takes the load off and makes it all better.

i think Vi would still very much like being referred to as a lesbian despite the way they identify and while i personally don't understand it i do respect it (tbh feeling like Vi would do that is really something weird for me as a concept because i solely identify as male and have been called a lesbian and found that terribly dysphoric but from the experiences i've observed of other people i think this would be true in their case.

if Vi got like super bad dysphoria for some reason that manifested as anger Jayce would absolutely take it from a strap and tell them how big and hot it is actually calling them sir to really drive the point home - if really sad would praise Vi as his 'baby boy' or his 'prince', calling their clit a tdick or a cock to reassure their own doubts of their masculinity/androgyny.

honestly the more i write about it the more affirmed i am that it's very true to character, i really thought about it and i think it would make a lot of sense without necessarily denouncing them as a lesbian icon or straight up denying that it's within the realm of possibility? idk. i just, it's been eating away at me since i first started watching arcane & i know the only way i'm gonna be able to pick back up on it is if i voice my thoughts.

i hope this doesn't offend anyone (even though it probably will).

#arcane #fanon #tw nsft #trans nsft #me #demi #demiboy #lesbian #Vi #vi arcane #league of legends #vi lol #caitlyn lol #caitlyn arcane #jayce lol #jayce arcane #bi #pan #headcanon #ftm #nb #ftnb #trans masc #trans neutral #i'm gonna go try not to have a panic attack about posting this

[heraldofzaun]

what are your thoughts on viktor and being neurodivergent? though like, obligatory disclaimer that if riot ever did come out and say that "hey! viktor is canonically [something]" that would be catastrophic but i think it is a little bit of fun for consideration

Oh! Well I like to think he's autistic, which is partially because I am too. (Of course in canon it would be catastrophic because haha, oh man, look at how they've treated Blitzcrank's biographies ever since they gave him an updated one. There's some coding in there, alright, and I am... not a fan...)

I’ve posted a lot of long posts recently (this is no exception) and this is also on a kind of tricky subject, so I’m readmore’ing it.

So anyways, while I have to admit that some of the reason why (my) Viktor is autistic is because I am - I think that you can make a general semi-convincing argument. Or I'm so wrapped up in my own interpretations that I can, at the least. Anyways, from here on out when I say Viktor I mean my personal take. Your mileage may vary on applying this to other interpretations.

(Also, thoughts on new lore Jayce's being kind of coded to be like, a stereotypical autistic dude? (If you have any I mean.) I don't like that Riot is doing it, of course, but I've seen a few good rehabilitative takes on it in fandom. @hamartio's Jayce springs to mind, because their Jayce has been developed over the years and also written by someone who like. Cares. Anyways, I have my own personal Jayce ideas that rely on his old lore so he's not really an asshole there, at least in those regards, so I don't really have many thoughts on new Jayce. I think new Viktor is... pretty coded as well, but it’s also insanely stereotypical. The whole “always working, always wants certainty, gets into automation not because he (primarily) wants to help those injured by catastrophes in Zaun but because the catastrophes interrupt his work” thing makes me uncomfortable. Maybe I’ll write sometime on why the rewrite of his lore fails, in my opinion, to hit upon the same themes of his first - would that be of interest to folks? Anyways, this parenthetical is too long.)

I think that autistic Viktor is cool and makes sense, somewhat because of the fact that the ways he goes about solving his problems are, er, unorthodox. (Of course I am not saying that the GE is because he’s autistic, because that’s stupid. This is why I’m kind of squirrely about talking so openly about what I think Viktor’s got going on, and why I don’t really trust if a non-autistic person headcanons him as autistic. There’s a lot of room for that headcanon to just reinforce the “autistic people are supergeniuses with no emotions that work based off of Facts and Logic” trope, and I hate that.) Since a lot of autism is about feeling adrift from/at odds with neurotypical society, I think that Viktor’s general solutions and also his idealistic leanings in the face of everything Zaun is tracks for that. Roboticization makes sense as a way to stop suffering and death, because it’s more achievable than individual feats of immortality through magic or whatever. Viktor doesn’t really get why people would be so opposed to it - he’s made it clear that while he dislikes his own emotions and wants them gone, he doesn’t expect others to cast off theirs. (Maybe he expected that when he was in the thick of his emotional pain, mostly because he couldn’t imagine others choosing differently than he at the time, but not in the current day.)

Of course, externally, when the scary cyborg man who admits to cutting off his own limbs says “no, being a robot is cool, you can keep your emotions even”, any Zaunite (or any person) is going to interpret that as “he is definitely lying”. Viktor doesn’t quite make that leap. (I have thoughts on the whole Theory of Mind concept and I don’t mean to say that Viktor can’t empathize - he does, and does too much - with others, but I think that in this instance he just can’t quite understand sometimes why people don’t believe him.) He also doesn’t quite get why people would be so attached to the bodies that they’re currently in, especially if he can make a mechanical replica. Or why people might want to die and pass into non-existence after a life well lived. (To him, personally, there’s always more to do. Also he’s terrified of death but that’s another topic.)

I also think that Viktor’s empathy is of the hyper- rather than hypo- kind, partially because I feel like outside of self-advocacy groups the mere concept of autistic hyperempathy is seen as like... impossible? It’s also because he generally seems to be kind of an emotional guy in canon before Stanwick, what with the lore saying that “almost no trace of the original man remained” in reference to Viktor reemerging as someone without emotions. That, combined with the fact that he was described as having a “hope to better society” before everything went down, kind of makes me believe that he was a naive idealist type. (Again, not that autism makes you naive, but...) But yes, hyperempathy. Hence "no pain, no wars, no suffering, no death” being part of his ideology for the Glorious Evolution. He gets pretty ripped up about people being hurt, and it’s really only gotten worse over the years as he’s grasped the full scope of pain in the world.

Personally, I write pre-Stanwick-incident Viktor as someone who is still somewhat awkward with expressing emotion, but it’s not due to him not having them. It’s due to the fact that the ways in which he naturally expressed them and in which he interacted with the world were just... seen as odd/different/etc. (I don’t think Runeterra has an autism diagnosis or particularly excellent psychology, even in Piltover and Zaun, so he just gets the “you’re a weird dude” treatment for his entire life.) Stimming or smiling a certain way or talking a lot about his interests or, you know, the general autistic existence is weird to most people around him, as it unfortunately is in real life. So he’s more reserved until you actually know him, because he’s just masking all the time. (Fun fact about my Viktor: he’s pretty expressive under that actual mask of his. It helps to not have to micromanage expressions all the time when he isn’t experiencing a bout of flat affect due to [gestures vaguely at everything else going on with his mental state], although he sometimes feels poorly about not being able to manage himself. But that’s his issues, and I think it’s good for him to show emotion.)

Side note - Stanwick was able to do such a number on Viktor due to: a) Stanwick being very charismatic and manipulative, on top of being an actually smart man and scientist - he’s really a great example of a “good Zaunite”, in the sense of being good at being what the culture rewards, b) Viktor actively dealing with the death of his parents and Stanwick being an older adult who’d treated him kindly and had never seemed put-off by Viktor’s oddities, and c) Viktor not realizing that he’d get backstabbed, because yes he knows that that happens in academia but Stanwick’s nice. Whether or not the outcomes would have been the same if Viktor were more competent at being “a good Zaunite”... well, probably not. Viktor ended up where he did because of who he is.

(Secondary side note: Viktor has a very strong and very black-and-white sense of what’s right and wrong, as well as general black-and-white thinking. You can see how that would have... not helped in the situations he was put through.)

This is getting kind of rambling, but I guess the point of this is that Viktor’s wanting to remove his emotions may be cloaked in the language of them being “inefficient” or “unhelpful”, which would feed into autistic stereotypes, but it’s really more of a matter of them being too painful and raw for him to process. He feels too much and hurts too much, and no amount of positive emotions in the world will (in his mind) make up for the pain he’s felt and will feel. So it’s better to not feel anything at all, isn’t it? At least then you aren’t overwhelmed by it all.

Viktor just hasn’t fit in with Zaun for all his life, really. Not as an odd child who can tell you all about science-fiction and techmaturgy, not as an odd and reserved teenager/young adult, not as a bright young doctoral student still dealing with grief but trying to make the best of it, and... not as the Machine Herald. But now he’s given up on trying to fit in, for better or for worse.

(Other miscellaneous and less serious autistic thoughts on him: generally a pretty fixed diet, partially due to being autistic but also due to what’s easily available in Zaun + what agrees with his stomach. A fan of weight and pressure - I like to think that the reason his outfit is like that is that he finds it comforting, and also that he has a weighted blanket or two around. Special interests of general techmaturgy, robotics, and science-fiction. He can talk for hours about any of those, and has. Both his parents were mildly spectrum-y, his mother a little bit moreso, so they just kinda assumed that him being him was out-of-the-ordinary and a bit strange but not something “horribly wrong”. Oh! And his third arm, which is under a little less conscious control than the rest of him, still stims sometimes when he’s working or otherwise not paying attention to it.)

This was very long and jumped around a lot, because I find it hard to give a convincing paragraph-by-paragraph argument about exactly why I think that Viktor is autistic, or rather why I headcanon him as such. But hopefully it was interesting! I just have a lot of thoughts on him, as well as the general state of autistic-coded or perceived-as-autistic-by-individuals (both allistic and autistic) characters in media and so it’s very hard to do anything concise without branching out into discussing other topics.

#anonymous #headcanons | beneath the mask #//preemptive remark that these are my own thoughts on autism which are filtered through the lens of my life experiences #//as well as that of some aspects (emphasis on some) of academic research. baron-cohen can choke with his theories #//also i did not explain some terms here under the assumption that those reading would probably already know them. feel free to ask if not!

[legxllyblxndc]

jayce franks -  since jayce was a kid, he wanted to be a pilot. he was obsessed with planes when he was little and it never really went away. jayce grew up very working class. his parents barely had enough to put food on the table. he never had the newest clothes, the best toys. they barely scraped the money together for his school uniforms. he got a job as a paper boy when he was fourteen and saved everything that he got. he was able to move out into his first, bought home, when he was twenty years old. jayce never takes what he has now for granted because of how he was raised. he is well aware of how much things are worth. jayce met cora ramos just under five years ago in new york and fell madly in love with her. he proposed to her before his flight to sydney. she said no, saying that she was unhappy, that she didn’t like that he was always travelling. jayce had a drink to drown his sorrows before he got on the flight. he completely blames himself for the crash. 

nina littleton - calm, collected, nurturing but does not let people get away with shit. straight to the point. nina was born in sydney, australia. she and her older sister are IVF babies. she and her family visited new york when she was a kid and she wanted to move there ever since. she managed it when she was 18 - going to college in america. when she found out that her parents struggled with their fertility to have their children,  nina decided to become a fertility doctor to help people. nina has always been highly intelligent. she sometimes gets into her own head about it. she would think things through a little too much - completely getting lost in her head and losing herself a little. she has had panic attacks ever since she can remember. she knew that she couldn’t help people without figuring out her own mind and so she took herself to the doctors. she was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and has been in therapy ever since. nina hasn’t been back to sydney since she left - she hasn’t had time - but knows that she can’t miss her sisters wedding. 

wes jonas - growing up, wes was always given exactly what it was that he wanted. his parents weren’t wealthy but they weren’t poor either and were able to provide their two sons with everything they could’ve hoped for. he never grew up spoiled but he definitely didn’t grow up knowing the full extent of what things cost. he was absolutely clueless but definitely brought down with a bump. when wes was seventeen years old, his friend was murdered and nothing was done about it, wes decided he needed to figure out a way to help, to make a difference. he had always been pretty smart so decided to go to college to study law. he managed to get himself into harvards university of law once he was done with his undergrad degree. wes only graduated a year ago but quickly made himself known on the civil rights law scene and has definitely made his stamp. he’s on his way to sydney to deal with the biggest case has has ever had. 

sayid kohli - growing up in london, sayids parents tried to give him and his little sisters everything that they could’ve ever hoped for. they grew up knowing the value of money, but they went for nothing. his parents had high expectations for their son though. they wanted him to be a doctor, an accountant but he had always wanted to perform. sayid wasn’t someone who lived to be the centre of attention but he always enjoyed being on stage. he loved to disappear into a character and entertain people. and he had a real knack for it. he would always get the leads in his school plays. he told his parents when he was applying to universities where he wanted to go - that he wanted to go to drama school. and after a little bit of fighting, they allowed it. he auditioned for drama school and got into central school of speech and drama the first time.  he loved drama school. he excelled there. once he was finished, he got his first role in a film - just a small speaking role - and hasn’t really stopped working since. sayid has, had a couple of girlfriends but he doesn’t really have time for all of that so they never really lasted very long. sayid is so grateful for the life that he has now. he doesn’t take peoples shit though. if someones annoyed him, then he would absolutely call them out. 

brooke hulme - for her entire life, if brooke said she wanted it, her parents would make sure that she got it. her dad was forever travelling with work - only around for a week or two at a time - and so his guilt would get the better of him and give her whatever she wanted. she has never had to learn what money is truly worth. brooke has had a string of boyfriends but none have really stayed around for too long. she always finds something wrong with them - even if it’s the littlest thing. she thinks that one day, she’ll find perfection and won’t settle for anything less. for her entire life, she has, had a massive pressure on her to look perfect. she could never let a hair be out of place, never let anyone see her without makeup. and above all else, she could never put on weight. due to the pressure her mother put on her, she developed anorexia when she was fourteen. when her parents found out, a few months later, they sent her straight to rehab. they wouldn’t have her ruining the family name. brooke has recently relapsed - under the stress of her move to sydney - and no-one knows yet. 

bradley malazard - bradley never met his dad. he left as soon as his mother found out that she was pregnant and for bradleys entire life, it has just been the two of them. he’s always been incredibly protective over his mum. he would do literally anything for her. when he was young, he got himself into the wrong crowd. he and his friends thought that it was fun to terrorise people, to vandalise shops - to basically cause trouble. he was sent to juvi for a couple of months after being caught spray painting a building. bradley had always enjoyed football but it was one of the few things that kept his mind busy while he was locked away. when he got out, he decided to try for one of the footballing academies and he was over the moon when he found himself a place in one of them. he worked hard and eventually found himself joining west ham football club. bradley went to new york for a holiday with his family and is now on his way to meet his friends in sydney. 

clementine tran - growing up in new york, clementine has always felt like she was a little swallowed up by it. the city was always so busy, so loud and she was pretty much the opposite. her favourite place to escape too, is the library, the museum. she goes wherever it’s quiet. she has spent her entire life learning new skills - painting, orienteering, singing, pretty much everything. she is her happiest when she’s leaning new things, taking in new culture. she’s never done anything spectacular in her life but she wants to be able to be read for whatever kind of adventure comes her way. she is sure that it’s going to come - sooner or later.clem has always had a close, tight knit group of friends, people that she would go to the end of the earth for. recently, she found out that she had family in australia and she worked hard to be able to save up to go and see her family. 

#jayce || facts #nina || facts #wes || facts #brooke || facts #bradley || facts #clementine || facts

[aaronhart93-archive]

discord II text Roman & Aaron

Discord thread featuring: Aaron and @romanbeckett​

Mentions: @davieslandon​ @malakhai-ozera​ @jayceelynd​ @alison-haynes​

Where: Aaron is at his house and Roman is at his house.

When: evening of May 26th-monrning of May 27th, 11:30p-2:30a

Description: Roman texts Aaron and they talk all night until they both fall asleep

Trigger Warnings: smut, what I would imagine harry’s peen to look like, really cute shit

Roman.

Hey.

Aaron.

hi

Roman.

Khai broke up with me, so. With us.

with Jay and I. And he left.

Aaron.

oh my god...im sorry Ro

Roman.

Can’t say I didn’t see it coming.

Aaron.

what did he say? Like why...?

Roman.

He told us that he loved us but needed time to work on himself or whatever.

Aaron.

I don’t know Khai that well but it does seem like he’s got a lot of shit to figure out

how are you doing with it?

and jayc? Should I reach out to her or....does she not know we’re talking

Roman.

you can talk to her if you want. I think we both just don’t really know how to feel to be honest.

Aaron.

im sorry

i hope he's okay

and i hope you and Jayc are okay too

Roman.

don’t be lol honestly Aaron, I set myself up for it the second I agreed to close myself off, knowing all of the issues I need to work through as well

contrary to popular belief, I’m far from having it all figured out.

Aaron.

that makes two of us

that was quick tbh

Roman.

Yeah. I just feel like an idiot.

Aaron.

what no....thats not what i meant

Roman.

anyway.

how are you

Aaron.

okay....no please dont feel like an idiot. its his fault not yours

im....okay....getting better than i was last week

miss you though not gonna lie

Roman.

I miss you, too. A lot.

Aaron

:(

im sorry

idk why i am i just feel like i need to apologize

Roman.

you have nothing to be sorry for lol at all

if anything, I’m sorry.

for bringing you into all this drama

and making you eat at a Chinese buffet lol

Aaron.

making me eat at a Chinese buffet is the only thing you have to be sorry for

also

i inserted myself into this mess as well. and didn't pull out once i realized who you were to landon

Roman.

does it make me immature if I laugh at you saying you didn’t pull out once?

Aaron.

RO

YES BUT IM HERE FOR IT

Roman.

I might just be high, but now I can’t stop laughing lol

Aaron.

sksjks

im sober and laughing so

well not sober

i had a few drinks

Roman.

everyone knows you’re a lightweight Aaron, stop tryin’ to be sly lol

Aaron.

who you callin a lightweight, lightweight?

Roman.

only when I haven’t eaten anything LIGHTWEIGHT

Aaron.

https://tenor.com/view/uncalled-gif-5394176

michelle tanner voice

Roman.

You miss me. Just a reminder.

Aaron.

you miss me

another reminder

Roman.

I’m not the one calling you rude lol

Aaron.

you called me out for being a lightweight and i retaliated

forgive me

Roman.

you’re in denial is what you are :fingerguns2:

but I’ll forgive you.

Aaron.

idk you'd think for how much i drink i'd have a higher tolerance

i need therapy

Roman.

probably lol I’ll go with you

Aaron.

lol couples counseling?

jk

jk

Roman.

I actually think it would be quite funny to see what they have to say about US

Aaron.

i need a therapist to tell it like it is

then again i do have ali

that woman calls me out on my shit literally daily

maybe shes just a free therapist

Roman.

LMAO that’s...amazing. I like her already.

Aaron.

she do be driving me up a wall

but

shes family

Roman.

Ah, family. I’ve been trying to get my sister here, but she’s being an ass lol

Aaron.

asshat

who wouldn’t want to move to New York

Roman.

satans demons.

Aaron.

exactly

whats keeping her from coming?

Roman.

she’s not as hellbent on big cities as I am lol

Aaron.

weird

city life has always been for me

arent you from manchester? is that not a big city?

Roman.

it’s not New York lol

she lives in the country now though.

Aaron.

no city is new york

Roman.

exactly lol

Aaron.

what are you doing

besides getting high

Roman.

I’m naked on the couch eating cherry gilato while watching good mythical morning on YouTube

Aaron.

i would very much like to be naked on a couch with you

Roman.

I painted my nails and did a facial first lol i could do yours as well

Aaron.

ill take the facial

i couldn't pull off the nails though

Roman.

you’d look so kickass with some black nails

Aaron.

you think?

Roman.

hell yes. Even a sky blue, like those eyes

Aaron.

i blush

maybe we can try the toe nails first

in case I end up hating them

Roman.

OH, I’m also trained in Swedish massage, head to toe. If you want a personal spa day

Aaron.

that would just give me a boner

Roman.

well, it’s a FULL body massage after all.

Aaron.

sksjsks

dont tempt me

Roman.

Aaron. I just.

is it bad that I don’t want to stay away from you anymore?

that’s a dumb question

I know it’s bad.

Aaron.

its not dumb

I don’t want to stay away from you either

but I promised Landon

Roman.

I know. So did I.

You’re right, I’m sorry.

Aaron.

he’s my best friend

dont be sorry

im glad you’re being honest with me

I just don’t see Landon being okay with this anytime soon

Roman.

I know! I know. He’s mine too, and I care about him more than I care to admit. I shouldn’t be like this.

Aaron.

damn this is fucked up

Roman.

I shouldn’t have said anything

Aaron.

I wish this could be easier

im the one that started with the boner references

Roman.

Not really. I offered you a massage

Aaron.

okay yes but

I told you I wanted to be naked with you

Roman.

because I said I was naked

Aaron.

I just don’t want you blaming yourself that’s all

Roman.

I know, but it is what it is. I made a mess of everything, and now everything I had is ruined lol I deserve it.

Aaron.

Ro

I’m sad you think so little of yourself

Roman.

I don’t. It’s just consequences. I made bad decisions, and now I have to deal with the consequences. That’s all. It’ll all be okay.

Aaron.

I wish I could make you feel better

Roman.

you already do. I promise.

Aaron.

I just smiled

Roman.

show me?

Aaron.

sure

Roman.

omg bad idea my heart

Aaron.

oop

Roman.

you’re so fucking jahshsbzjdndjendj

Aaron.

AKDJDJAKALhdja

Roman.

I’m mad at you

for looking like that

Aaron.

Well i can’t stop thinking about u

Roman.

let me just

Aaron.

yeah I kept drinking

and as we’ve established I’m a lightweight

okay I showed you a selfie now you should be a selfie

Roman.

oh yeah? Trying to boss me around again are ya?

Aaron.

do what daddy says

Roman.BOTToday at 2:02 AM

yes daddy.

Aaron.

brb gotta go jack off

Roman.

stoppppp

Aaron.

not kidding

Roman.

you don’t need a better picture than that to do the deed

??? Lolll

Aaron.

I mean....you could send me some

Roman.BOTToday at 2:09 AM

Does this help?

Aaron.

holy fuck

ugh I wanna fuck you so bad

and put all of you in my mouth

Roman.

I want it too. I shouldn’t, but I do. I want you to fuck me with my hands tied behind my back, and you pulling on my collar from behind.

Aaron.

fuck don’t put those thoughts in my head or I’ll act up

I wanna tie you up so bad

and punish you for being so naughty

Roman.

I’d want to call out your name so loud, but you’d have to let me.

Aaron.

you can’t do anything without my permission

Roman.

I’ll do my best daddy. You know I like to make you proud.

Aaron.

Ro I just came into a sock so hard

I want you so bad but the fact I can’t have you makes that even hotter to me

Roman.

forbidden fruit, hm?

Aaron.

you’re my forbidden fruit for sure

Roman.

wish I could have been there to help

Aaron.

you did enough helping trust me

Roman.

are we terrible people lol

Aaron.

I know

we are

im trying though

so that’s gotta count for something

Roman.

I hope it does, for both our sakes lol

Aaron.

if this doesn’t work out we can always be together in hell

Roman.

that sounds like a rightful ending

at least I’ll be tan.

Aaron.

we’ll both be hot and tan chilling in hell together

and we can fuck all we want

Roman.

sounds like the next big Netflix series.

Aaron.

could you imagine a Netflix series about us

Roman.

no, I’m scared to lol it would be more insane than Tiger King

Aaron.

you think our lives are more insane than Tiger King?!?

Roman.

scary, right??

Aaron.

thats definitely...quite the comparison

Roman.

I would have loved to have seen your face watching it for the first time

Aaron.

watching that together would have been so fun

I can picture us watching that and freaking out together

Roman.

maybe one night we’ll trip acid and watch it again

Aaron.

confession I’ve never tripped before

Roman.

whaaaaaa

do it with me!

Aaron.

I mean yeah I used to do a lot of coke when I got drunk and sometimes still do but that been the extent of my drug use

hahaha I will trip with you, Roman Beckett

Roman.

aces! Just tell me when and where, and it’s a plan!

Aaron.

”aces”

but yeah let’s do it this weekend

Roman.

I’m British you knob. Shut up lol

Aaron.

I know MATE I was making fun of you

Roman.

sends long audio clip making fun of Aaron’s New York accent

Aaron

brooooo

I do say that though

Roman.

I know, I’ve listened to you talk enough

it’s cute though

ready for bed?

Aaron.

just about

I was gonna go to bed a while ago but wanted to keep texting you

Roman.

same.

tuck me in lol

Aaron.

do u want me to tell you a bedtime story

Roman.

yes, but make it snappy

and I want warm milk

Aaron.

damn

so bossy

but okay

Roman.

you know I’m spoiled.

Aaron.

that must’ve been my fault

okay Des like this one:

By the African river, know as the Nile The sun fell away and it rested a while The rhinos had braved all the smoldering heat They lay down to sleep as they wiped off their feet The elephants marched to their elephant beds And gently they rested their elephant heads Slowly the hippos sank into the river The water so cold that it gave them a shiver (Hippos can't swim, like the pelicans think They also can't float, they could easily sink) The hippos went bathing in cool, shallow pools Thinking the rhinos and elephants fools Underwater, they fell to the soft river bed On darkish green plants with a smidgen of red They strolled on the bottom, then bounced up for air They did it for hours, without any care The fish followed closely, and wove in an out Under their belly, and up to their snout Each of the hippos came up to the shore To feed on the grass by the river once more They dried off their bodies by shaking and stomping And took bites of grass, chewing and chomping With night fading fast, they were full from the feast The sun returned back, rising up form the east The hippos crept off to collapse for the day While rhinos and elephants got up to play Enjoying the warmth of the sun and its light Never knowing the story of hippos at night

just read it in my New York accent you’re so good at

goodnight Lois

Roman.

that was perfect. Goodnight Clark.

#discord #roman #text

[echelonlab-blog]

Bound By Ink -- Chapter 18

Disclaimer: Fiction.

Warnings: None

Tagging: @hazeleyedleto @msroxyblog @letojokerownsme @miss-shannanigans@snewsome756   @maliciousalishious   @nikkitasevoli@meghan12151977@sanellv@ambolton@bradlea23@spillinginkwithlove@alexis7215@dezmarz@pezziecoyote@whoistheprettiest@avaj99@iridescxntsolitude@pheenixpeterson@guccilowell@blondiefrommars@rowen1976@phoebehalliwell1984@thathipstaninja@darthjokerisyourfather@letsbemybatman  @prettymisc@lylabell2013 @mandyglam @pandaliciouz @just-me-obsessing@echelon-1969 @carolinapb-me @marilyndioncre

   I was due back in the shop on Thursday. Thanks to Jared's little share we had been much busier than usual, and knowing Mark he wouldn't take time to get himself a proper meal so I stopped at the sandwich shop off the boardwalk again to grab us both something before heading into work.

   Lynn brightened up as soon as I came in the door, and I knew that look on her face meant she had good gossip. I ordered Mark's favorite: turkey and avocado with extra fries, and then found myself ordering a grilled chicken salad, suddenly somewhat more concerned about what I looked like naked. I realized I hadn't been to the gym for almost two weeks, not since all this with Shannon started. Accommodating him into my already busy schedule had thrown things way off, but, as I smiled and remembered our night together, he was totally worth it.

   “Hi there, Blue. How's that gorgeous young man of yours?” Lynn called from the other end of the counter as I paid the teenager who had taken my order.

   “Jayce is doing great, Lynn. How are you?”

   “Oh, you know, can't complain.” She stopped to wash her hands in the little sink next to the drink station. “Business has been good lately. How are things at the shop?”

   “Business is good there too.”

   “And what does Mark think about that? About how good business is?” Lynn asked with a little smirk as she dried her hands and turned around. I suddenly realized that the juicy piece of gossip was me. I shouldn't have been surprised. Word gets around fast in this community.

   “All right, Lynn, come out and ask me what you want to.”

   “What?” Lynn asked with feigned innocence. “Is there something I should be asking about?” She smiled broadly, pausing to look over the employees that were working on my lunch. “I mean, maybe I heard that a certain inked and candy-haired young mama is dating rock stars now, but you know you can't go believe all the gossip you hear.”

   I laughed. “He's the drummer for a band called Thirty Seconds to Mars, and....”

   “Oh I know who he is, honey. So I take it it's true?”

   I could feel myself blushing. If I was going to continue dating Shannon I supposed I should get used to being the object of gossip and speculation, but this was all still very new and I was still adjusting. “Yes, it's true.”

   “Good,” Lynn said emphatically. “You are far too young and pretty to be slaving away all day in that shop with your ex-husband. Not that I'd mind being cooped up all day with that man. It's no wonder that son of yours is such a cutie, he's definitely got good genes, Mark is one tall glass of gorgeous.”

   “Lynn!”

   “What? I can't look? It would do you both some good to move on, you know.”

   “I know. It's just hard. We're both such workaholics, and Jayce takes up more time than your average kid...”

   “When is that art show anyway? You know I want to be there to cheer him on. Someday he's going to be a famous artist and I'm going to be telling people how he was in here as a little bug, doodling on placemats.”

   “It's next Friday. I'm sure he'd be thrilled to see you there.” My phone started to ring – a quick glance told me it was Mark – and I apologized with a shrug before answering.

   “Hey, Mark. I'll be there in just a few minutes. I stopped at Lynn's for some sandwiches.”

   “Forget the sandwiches.” The tension and urgency in Mark's voice immediately set me on edge. “I need you to go to Jayce's school. He passed out in gym class.”

   “Oh my god. Is he okay?” Hearing my exclamation, Lynn gave me a concerned look but I held up my finger.

   “The nurse said he came back around quickly but he scraped up his head on the asphalt. I'll take care of your afternoon appointments. Just go get him. And call me as soon as you know something.”

   “I'm on my way now,” I confirmed. I quickly explained to Lynn what had happened. “Sorry about the food but I have to go.”

   “Oh don't be silly. Don't worry about the food. I”ll have Donny run it over to the shop when we get a break. Make sure Mark eats and you too when things settle down. Go!” She made a shooing motion with her hands but I was already at the door.

   I drove over to the high school in a sort of controlled panic. It sounded as if the danger had passed but a million possibilities were running through my head. I parked in front of the building in a reserved spot, not caring who the spot was supposed to belong to and raced inside to the nurse's office, a route I knew well by now.

   Jayce was perched on the padded exam table, those spindly teenage boy legs dangling off the side while he sipped orange juice through a straw. The side of his face was covered with small scrapes and he had a band-aid across his forehead. When he spotted me he sighed and dropped his shoulders.

   “Hi, Mom,” he said sheepishly, setting the orange juice down.

   “Ms. McKinney, hi.” Gina, the school's nurse greeted me warmly. Her calm demeanor didn't do much to calm me, however. I knew by now that the woman was completely unflappable, she would have the same relaxed but in-control presence in the face of a gunshot wound. “It seems that Jayce's blood sugar got a little low in gym class and he fainted...”

   “... passed out,” Jayce amended.

   “... he had a less than ten-second loss of consciousness. His blood sugar is still a little low, we're working on that,” she inclined her head toward the orange juice Jayce had been drinking and he picked it back up with a scowl. “He did scrape his head up a bit, they were on the asphalt at the time, but I've cleaned that up as well. You, of course, may wish to take him to see his pediatrician.”

   Well, it didn't sound so bad. “Jayce, how did you let your blood sugar get that low?”

   Jayce shrugged. “Dad and I overslept this morning. I had breakfast but we didn't pack my lunch and the cafeteria had tuna tetrazzini today.... Mom, that stuff is so gross...”

   “Jayce, you can't skip meals. That's a rookie mistake. You know better.”

   “I know, but...”

   “But nothing. I know there isn't just one meal option in the cafeteria and I am willing to bet if you explained your situation they would have found you something.”

   “I keep bread and peanut butter in my office, Jayce. You know that. It's not fancy but it would have kept you from having a hypoglycemic event.”

   Jayce gritted his jaw and rolled his eyes. It wasn't like I didn't understand. We had been dealing with his unusual form of diabetes for three years now. I knew he got very tired of constantly being poked, prodded and monitored at an age when he was supposed to be rebelling and developing more independence. “We can talk about it more on the way home. Do you have your things or do you need to go to your locker?”

   “What? No, I don't need to go home. I'm fine now. See?” He took a big drink of the remaining juice, loudly slurping air through the straw when the liquid ran out. “It's just some scratches.”

   “I'm sorry, Jayce, I'm with your mom here. You passed out. I'm going to insist you at least go home for the afternoon. If you're feeling better you are welcome to return tomorrow morning,” Gina told him.

   Jayce grumbled and hopped down off the table. “This is bullshit.”

   “Language, Jayce!”

   Jayce grabbed his jacket. “I need to get my backpack. Do I need a medical detail or am I allowed to go to my locker on my own?”

   I had to bite my tongue. In many ways, Jayce was very much Mark's son but he got that sass from me. “Just go get your things. Quickly. I'll wait here.”

   Once Jayce was out of sight I asked Gina, “So how concerned should I be, really?” I picked up the empty juice container Jayce had left behind. “I know that's not the first one you had to give him today. You would have given him one before you even started cleaning up those scrapes.”

   Gina nodded. “It took three. It was pretty low and stayed that way. It might be more than just skipping lunch. I'm not really allowed to be passing out medical advice, not on that scale, but...”

   “If it were you, you'd take him back to his endocrinologist,” I concluded. Gina nodded. “We've had a few incidents. I took him for testing last week but the results haven't come back yet.”

   “Well just keep me in the loop if the game plan changes. You know I want to be his ally here.”

   Gina was a gift of a school nurse. In a time when most schools were doing away with them completely, we were fortunate to have her at all. She was semi-retired, a former army nurse in her youth who had gone on to raise six children and was prepared for whatever these teenagers could throw at her. She was calm, competent and fierce, with a underlying compassion that made her perfect for the job. That peanut butter and bread she referred to earlier? She kept that in her office, along with an assortment of fruits and snacks to make sure that the youth in her charge always were fed, no matter what was going on at home. And a chat over apple juice and a sandwich often brought up other issues that needed attending to. She saw herself as the keeper of their health in every aspect, and I hoped that the kids appreciated her for the treasure she was. I knew I was grateful for her.

   I called Mark while I waited for Jayce to return, updating him and letting him know that I would be taking Jayce home to rest and keep an eye on him for the rest of the afternoon. I didn't blame him for not packing Jayce's lunch. Things happen, I know it could have happened to me, and I wouldn't have appreciated a dressing down over it. Jayce was supposed to have bought lunch in the cafeteria. The responsibility was his, not Mark's.

   After I hung up with Mark I noticed I had a text message from Shannon waiting, one that had probably come in when I was racing here to deal with Jayce.

   Thinking about you and those gorgeous blue eyes today. Hope you have a good one. Maybe we could grab a coffee before you go into work tomorrow? Looking forward to hanging with you and Jayce soon. XOXO

   I sighed. Was it too soon to be letting Shannon into Jayce's life? Part of me wanted it very much. I hoped that Jayce would warm to Shannon once he got to know him. But I worried about how Shannon would react to Jayce and his medical issues. I had been disappointed by more than one person since he had been diagnosed, people that I would never have expected it from. I figured maybe I would broach the subject with Jayce tonight if his mood improved. I truly hoped Shannon was here for a long haul. And if he was, sooner or later, he and Jayce were going to need to get know each other.

   “The prisoner is ready for transport,” Jayce said as he appeared in front of me, shoving his arms forward as if he were waiting for a pair of handcuffs.

   “Quit giving your mother such a hard time McKinney and be glad to get out of school like a normal teenager,” Gina chided. “We'll all be here tomorrow.”

#shannon leto fanfiction #shannon leto fic #30 seconds to mars fanfcition #30stm #Bound By Ink

[jay-bizzleimagines]

Same Mistakes // Chapter Twenty Two

"Hey, Scoot." Scooter gave me a head nod as he and Justin got out of their black SUV. About two hours ago Justin's lawyer met with mine, who Kylie kindly helped me find and pay for on such short notice. They had sorted out how custody would be handled over the next few months while we waited for the court to sign off on everything.

It was honestly a headache, and my hand and mind were numb from reading over every sheet of paper with my lawyer. It had taken all day to sort just this small part of the custody situation and I didn't want to be dealing with Justin right now.

Somehow Scooter himself had convinced my lawyer to talk me into letting Justin take Jayce for the night, the only condition being that Tessa stay with them until bed. Jayce's sleeping body hugged my neck and I watched as the driver loaded his things into the SUV.

Jayce slept in my arms which was a good and bad thing, bad for me. It made it to where Jayce wouldn't cry from leaving me, but I also couldn't get a proper goodbye this way.

Justin, intelligently, waited for me to hand Jayce to him rather than trying to take him. I squeezed him in my arms as much as I could without waking him.

"I love you so, so much. God, I'm going to miss you." I gave him a hard kiss on the forehead before looking at Justin, "Justin, I want to trust you-"

"Then do."

I sighed and felt a heavy feeling rise in my throat. Though it didn't seem like much, letting Jayce go with his father, it was. This was the first time he would be staying the night somewhere that wasn't with me or the babysitters.

"It's not that easy. You haven't spent time with him, Justin, there are things that you still don't know." My heart was pounding in my chest and surely Justin could hear it in my voice.

"You sent me everything I need to know, if you forgot anything just text me. I'm going to check up with you. This isn't my first time watching a kid, Nadia, I know what I'm doing." And I'm sure he was right.

"This is your first time taking care of your kid though." His eyes shot me a look that read 'are we really going to start this again?'

"I'm sorry, but it's true." I sighed and the sudden realization of the time hit me. I could keep delaying this but that's not fair as hard as this is. I gently passed Jayce to Justin, but Jayce still began to rustle in his arms. I ran my hand over his back in soothing circles, "Shh, it's okay. Go back to sleep baby."

Looking back at Justin he was staring at me, "What?"

"Uh, nothing. We're gonna head out, I don't want to drag this on any longer and risk waking him up. Is there anything else before I go?"

I shook my head, "No, just call me if there's anything you need or something happens and also just call me. He will probably wake up in about an hour and should be ready to go to bed around ten tonight. Tessa will leave whenever he does go to bed."

As he said goodbye, I struggled to keep my tears from coming out. I did not think this would be happening this soon and my emotions were on a roller coaster right now. Going back up to the apartment I sat next to Ryan and Dani on the couch.

"How was it?" Dani paused Friends to examine my face. I shrugged, "Hard."

"As expected, but listen it's hard now so that it can be easier in the future. This is good, Nadia. Head up and hey, kid free for once yeah?" Yeah and it's not as great as it sounds. I quickly attempted to distract myself by putting in Moana. I waited on the couch while Dani waited on the love seat for Ryan to finish making the popcorn.

When he finally finished he sat at the end by my feet. Though this was meant to distract me it was doing a better job at reminding me of Jayce considering he loved this movie.

Justin's Pov

Scooter gave the room a once over before walking to the door, "Don't ruin this for yourself, Justin. She's being extremely nice by letting you have him tonight." I nodded and followed his eyes to Tessa, "Watch him. Justin not the kid."

"Trust me I will." I rolled my eyes and closed the door behind him. I only had about twenty minutes until Jayce was supposed to wake up although time meant nothing to a toddler. Tessa made herself comfortable on the couch while I set up the dining room table with finger paint an idea suggested by my mom.

From the couch Tessa nodded in approval, "That's actually a good idea. Nadia said he loves things like that, especially play doh." I made sure to make note of that fact. Before I could finish opening all the paint there was a loud cry from the bedroom where Jayce's play pin sat with him inside.

I slowly followed Tessa into the room, knowing that he would cry if I were to pick him up first. Tessa reached for him, "Hey buddy, wanna could to Aunt T?"

Through his tears he nodded. After she settled him down, she sat him down at the table with me to start painting. While he started I facetimed my mom.

When her smiling face popped up, Jayce immediately noticed, "Hey mom."

"Hi, is that him?" Even though that was a stupid question I nodded, "He looks just like you."

"I see Nadia." My mom disagreed with me and continued to talk to Tessa and I while I painted with Jayce. For him to only be a year and a half he was extremely smart, a quality he had certainly gotten from his mom along with his cheerful giggle.

Once Jayce finished his painting that looked like nothing in particular, but was still perfect, I held it up for my mom to see. She smiled with a loving look at Jayce, "Will I get to meet him, Jay?"

"Soon, mama."

-------

Nadia's Pov

My phone loudly rang from the nightstand next to me causing not only me, but also Ryan to jump up in bed. Since we'd spent the entire night watching tv I offered Ryan to spend the night and even though he could have spelt on the couch I told him it didn't matter.

"Who is that?" I shook my head while I looked at my phone. Scooter's names flashed across the screen and I instantly was more away.

"Hello?" My voice wasn't quite panicked, but there was a hint of anxiety in it.

"Is that Nadia? Let me talk to her." Tessa's voice sounded in the background, frantic. Scooter ignored her request to talk to me and I quickly got out of bed to begin searching for clothes to wear. Next to me in the bed Ryan sat up, "Everything okay?"

"Scooter??"

"Yeah, I'm here. You've talked to Justin, right?" He asked in a way that made it sound like he was sure I had, but I could tell from his tone that he was trying to come off as calm as possible.

I quickly slid on a hoodie, sweats, and started on my shoes, "No. What the hell is going on Scooter?"

"Shit. Fucking Justin, damn it." His voice was distant now as if he had pulled the phone away from his face and I heard whispers exchanged, "Tessa came to check on him and Jayce and he's not here. She called Hailey but she hasn't seen or heard from him either. We've called him but there was no answer, so did he say anything to you?"

I didn't answer his question before hanging up and grabbbing my keys. Ryan who had was now trying to frantically put on his shoes followed me out to my car. I had no idea where I needed to go, but I knew I needed to go somewhere.

-------

Whew. That was a long one but I feel like it was needed. Just Justin being sketchy what else is new? 😂😂

#Justin Bieber Fan Fiction #justin bieber imagines #justin bieber #falling for you #Same Mistakes #jb

[mollyshaj]

30.

Three Years Later - June 17, 2016

Mariah

Walking in my house I shook my head when I saw Damien sitting in the living room playing that video game like he always does. I swear to God you cannot get that little nigga off that thing. It’s cool though, he’s out the way when he plays that. He needs to play it in his room though, I don’t know why he gotta be in the damn living room all the time.

“Damien, is your father here?” I asked him after stepping in front of the TV. He sucked his teeth but pressed pause on his game. “Lose the attitude I’m just asking a question.”

“I know, he was in the kitchen the last time I checked. He probably went upstairs though.”

“Alright thanks,” I mushed his head playfully then went upstairs. Before I could walk down to the bedroom I shared with Tristan I stopped and opened the door to Jayce’s bedroom then walked in. “What are you doing?” I questioned when I saw her typing away on her laptop.

“Finishing my book report. This is my last assignment for this class then we’re done.” She answered. “You’re home early,” She turned and looked at me and I couldn’t help but smile at her. Jayce is so damn beautiful and she’s growing prettier every day. Shit, I feel a great sense of pride just looking at her sometimes.

“I know I let Rachel close the store down tonight. I didn’t want to be there longer than necessary.” My store Material Girl, opened two years ago and business has been booming since we opened. The only problem with my store was it kept me busy. Running the store dealing with my kids and Tristan’s big headed ass always had me on the go. I never really got the chance to just sit back and relax.

“Okay, well I have a question. It’s really a question for you and Tristan but I think it’s easier to ask you first.”

“Oh lord, what is it?” If she’s scared or hesitant to ask Tristan anything that means she either wants to go somewhere or it’s about a boy.

“You know that boy Lucas, the one that goes to my school?”

“Yeah, what about him?”

“Well he asked me out so can I go?”

“I personally don’t mind you going but Tristan isn’t going to see it that way.” To say Tristan was over protective over Jayce would be an understatement.  He really goes psychotic over her; she doesn’t even like him coming to the school because his grown ass doesn’t know how to act.

“That’s why I want you to talk to him. He only asked me to go to the party the school throws. That’s completely chaperoned and no I don’t need one of y’all to be there.”

“I’ll talk to him; I’m not making any promises though.”

“That’s good enough for me.”

“Alright did y’all eat?”

“I did earlier when I first came in from school. Tristan said you were cooking.”

“He got me fucked up, get dressed and tell Damien to get dressed to we’re going out.” I walked out of her bedroom and walked down to mine.

Tristan was lying across the bed with our daughter Chase lying on his back watching ESPN. I swear to God this nigga was determined to turn her into a tom boy. “Hey baby,” Tristan said when I walked in the room.

“Hey,” I went over to the bed and kissed him on the lips before picking Chase up and kissing her cheek. “You might wanna get up bruh; we’re going out to eat. I’m not cooking.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to that’s why, come on get your big ass up. I’m going to get her ready, you handle whatever you need to handle.” I walked out of the bedroom and went right next door to Chase’s room and put her in her crib. “You ready to look pretty baby girl?”

Our daughter Chase Amari Myers was born on September 20, 2013. She was a week late and took me through 15 hours of labor before she popped her little ass out of my body. As if birthing her wasn’t bad enough, she’s spoiled as hell. Tristan literally gives her whatever she wants, whenever she wants it. He doesn’t know the word no unless he’s talking to Damien and Jayce and even then he still doesn’t say it as much as he needs to.

Chase wasn’t the only thing that was new for us, we just moved into this big beautiful house twenty minutes away from Ebony and Kaylin last year. Granted it’s not as big as theirs, we have five bedrooms four bathrooms but I didn’t need that much space anyway. Jayce and Damien were both mad about having to switch schools but they eventually got over it.

I was going through Chase’s clothes when my phone started vibrating in my pocket so I pulled it out and looked at it. When I saw it was Ebony I answered. “What’s up Eb?”

“Not a damn thing, I’m bored as shit. What are you doing?”

“About to get Chase dressed, we’re about to go out to eat. You wanna come with us? Y’all can meet us at that Italian restaurant we always go to.”

“That’s cool with me, we’ll see you there. Thirty minutes good?”

“Yeah that’s fine. You spoke to Nicole?”

“Not since last night, you know she and Rashad are off on one of their littler voyages. The plus of not having kids I tell you.” I shook my head chuckling because she was right.

Nicole and Rashad are always taking a trip somewhere. They just went to LA in April, now they’re out in the Virgin Islands. I hate them so much sometimes, lucky bastards.

“You got that right; it’s cool though because I want to go to Paris for my honeymoon. I already told Tristan he better not try and get cheap with me, I’ll slap his ass.” I told Ebony and she laughed.

“The last thing that nigga is cheap, wait the way he proposed to you was kind of cheap. Actually it’s not kind of the shit was cheap.” She joked.

“He’s lucky I’m not an ungrateful ass bitch.” Tristan proposed to me on New Year’s Day and as much as I thought he would try and go all out to surprise me his ass got pissy drunk at Kaylin’s party and when we got home he pulled the ring out and asked me. I laughed at his ass but said yes. When he woke up he didn’t even remember asking me. That man is dumb as hell sometimes.

“You love him that’s why you’re not ungrateful but fuck that I been meaning to tell you something. Tell me why I ran into that nigga Rio the other day when I was taking Jayden to get his haircut.”

“Are you serious? I thought his crazy ass was in jail.”

“He was but he’s out now. Girl the nigga was screaming my name and shit. I just grabbed Jayden’s hand and left.”

“I told you to stop taking his ass all the way to JC to get a haircut. You should take him to the same place Kaylin goes.”

“I never had problems taking that drive though, plus he knows Dave and I know he’s not going to bullshit with my baby’s head. I don’t know, running into that nigga really freaked me out.”

“Did you tell Kaylin?”

“Hell no, you know how he is. Let him find out the nigga that was beating my ass is out of jail he’s going to lose his damn mind.”

“Well what are you going to do? Hide it?”

“I don’t know, I just saw him one time. Hopefully I won’t run into him again. Fuck him though, we’ll see you at the restaurant.”

“Alright.” I ended the call then shook my head.

Ebony was really playing with fire trying to keep running into Rio a damn secret. Rio, or Mario as the law knows him is a complete nut and he’s Ebony’s ex. She met him maybe two years after Quan first left. They weren’t together for six months before he started putting his hands on her. It got so bad that she ended up in the hospital with three broken ribs, a broken wrist and a fractured leg behind that nigga breaking in her house after he heard she was supposedly giving her number out to other niggas.

Luckily she wasn’t that damn dumb and got his ass put in jail but obviously he wasn’t locked down too long if she ran into him. I don’t understand why she’s hiding it from Kaylin, he got rid of Quan’s ass he can get rid of Rio but that’s on her. I’m going to mind my damn business.

After getting Chase dressed and ready I took her down to Jayce’s room so she could watch her while I got myself together. Once I was dressed and ready we all left and headed down to the restaurant.

We sat there for about ten minutes when Ebony finally came walking in with Kaylin and Jayden. “Hey y’all,” I got up and gave all three of them a hug. They said what’s up to everybody then sat in their seats.

“Where’s baby girl at Kay?” I asked him about Angelic. She was the sweetest little girl ever but she was hyper as hell at the same time.

“With her mother, she’s with us next weekend.” Once everybody ordered their food, Jayden and Damien were sitting next to each other talking basketball or whatever else and Jayce was on her phone doing something with Chase.

“You see that picture Nicole put on Instagram?” Ebony asked me.

“Nah, let me see.” She pulled her phone out and scrolled around for a minute before finally handed me the phone since she was right next to me. I looked at the picture and started laughing.

xbrownbeautyx

xbrownbeautyx: how is he with you if we ain’t even in the country? Bitch don’t flatter yourself my nigga don’t want you, you won’t be getting my life. Get the fuck over it.

“Oh Lord,” I shook my head. “She doesn’t throw shade she just chops your ass in the throat.”

“Kay told Rashad he better do something about that bitch.” Ebony shook her head.

“I don’t understand why she’s so pressed. They never even fucked before. These bitches be out here losing their mind for no reason.”

“For real, I’m glad I don’t have to deal with that bullshit. Y’all have some damn patience. How is everything going with his mama?”

“Court in a few weeks, we already know we’re going to win and keep full custody.” Two years ago Tristan and I ended up getting temporary custody of Damien because his mother is a complete idiot. She met some nigga and started dating him, I guess she thought it would make Tristan jealous but it didn’t. This bitch wasn’t even with him four months before she moved him in that house.

Come to find out not only was he a fuckin’ alcoholic he was a dip head. Dip is basically cigarettes and or blunts dipped in chemicals, mostly embalming fluid. Being where I’m from I’ve seen a lot of dip heads and that shit is not only fucked up its makes them crazy and violent.

Tristan and I knew nothing about her moving him in the house until one night Damien calls Tristan crying talking about that nigga was beating the shit out of his mother. I sent Chase and Jayce next door with Mc. Cicely, an old woman I was living next to while we rode over to this girl’s house.

When we got there we could hear her ass screaming from outside. Tristan busted in the house and ran to the living room and Carmen was standing there beat the fuck up, face all black and blue yelling and screaming while this nigga was beating on Damien. I’ve never seen Tristan explode like he did that night.

He pushed the man off Damien and dragged his ass outside the house and proceeded to beat him the fuck up. Usually I would rush to stop him from doing something stupid but I had to let him get them licks in because it was necessary at this point. I don’t know who, but somebody ended up calling the cops. Just as the police was pulling up Tristan picked that nigga and slammed in on the front of somebody’s car so bad the whole damn windshield shattered.

They arrested him while I stayed back and tried to figure out something with Damien and Carmen. When the ambulance came around to look at their bruises they ended up transporting everybody to the hospital. Tristan called my phone and basically told me to stay and figure out what was going on with his son, he just wanted me to call Kaylin or Rashad to come bail him out. I called both of them niggas and they went and got him.

While in the hospital I learned that not only did Damien have bruises on him from that nigga putting his hands on him that night. He had bruises that looked a few days old and the only way that was happening was if Carmen had been letting that nigga beat her son. Sure Tristan disciplines him but he doesn’t beat him like that. Damien didn’t want to talk in front of the doctors but once he was left alone with me he told me everything.

That man Carmen was with was beating on both of them the whole time he was staying there and was telling Damien if he told Tristan he was going to kill Carmen so he kept his mouth shut. The only reason he called Tristan that night was because this time the psycho pulled out a gun.

The next day when Tristan was released we were still at the hospital because they wanted to keep Damien overnight. I went and picked up Jayce and Chase and took them to Ebony’s. When we all got back to the hospital and I told Tristan everything his son told me it literally took Kaylin, Rashad and about three security guards to get him away from Carmen because he was trying to kill that bitch. If we weren’t in the hospital I probably would’ve let him.

Tristan took Damien home with us and filed for full custody the next day. He didn’t try to get her locked up he just wanted his son with us and he’s been with us ever since. Now we were going to our final court date in a couple of weeks to find out if we won. The lawyer basically guaranteed us custody but we still had to go.

To say Carmen is salty as fuck about her son being us full time would be an understatement. If she didn’t hate me before she definitely did now. Damien refuses to talk to her, he doesn’t want anything to do with her at this point and she thinks I’m the reason. As if I have mind control over her son and told him to hate her ass. The bitch is always popping shit on social media and now one of her cousins that used to talk to Rashad back in the day is starting shit with Nicole.

The bitch is playing on her phone, stalking her social media accounts being annoying and lying on her pussy. Claiming Rashad if fucking her and shit and we all know that’s a lie. I don’t even get why the bitch so pressed. Nicole and Rashad have been together for years at this point and everybody knows it so why the bitch is acting like she doesn’t know that and faking like she hurt is beyond me. I personally feel like Carmen is putting her up to it. She can’t get to me because it would be bad for her case so she wants to annoy my friend. The bitch just doesn’t know Nicole is with the shit, she’ll drag both of those bitches.

Shit was just over dramatic with Nicole and I right now as far as relationships are concerned. Luckily Ebony didn’t have crazy ex problems, she and Brandi were actually getting along. They didn’t hang out with each other or anything but they don’t have any issues or anything. They actually speak and have conversations when they see each other. My bestie is growing up for real because five years ago, Ebony would’ve still been mean to the girl.

“You know she’s going to be coming for you once the custody is official right?” Ebony asked knocking me out of my thoughts. I shrugged my shoulder before taking a sip of my drink.

“I really don’t give a flying fiery fuck; she can come at me and get her ass whooped if she wants to. I’ve been waiting to drop that whore for years.”

“She needs her ass whooped for real.”

“I know and she’ll get it. I’ll see that bitch around. Just wait.”

Nicole

“I’m not ready to leave man.” I told Rashad as we were packing our clothes. We’ve been in the St. Thomas for the past week and I was not ready to go back home.

“Me either but we gotta get back to the real world. Besides you keep going back and forth with bitches on the Gram anyway.”

“I’m not going back and forth I’m just setting the bitch straight. Posting pictures of you like you’re around her when we aint even in the country. The only reason I did it was because I know her raggedy ass friends and that thirsty ass cousin of hers be watching my damn page.”

“Just ignore her; you know I’m not fucking that bitch. You know I never fucked that bitch so fuck what they’re talking about.”

“I can’t make any promises about that. You know I don’t like lying so therefor I’m just going to say I’ll mind my business as long as the bitch stays in her lane.”

“Do you Nicole; just don’t bring that messy shit home.”

“I got you on that.” After we were done packing we left the hotel we were staying at then went straight to the airport where we had to wait about an hour before even boarding the plane.

Once we were seated in first class I looked at Rashad. “What’s the next destination?”

“I don’t know, I was going to leave that up to you. I don’t mind going to Paris again. That was a good time.”

“Yeah, but I want to go somewhere we’ve never been before. That’s the hard part.” Rashad and I take advantage of the fact that we have no kids. We were together, I love him and he loves me but we weren’t settled down like Ebony and Mariah were. There weren’t any kids running around our place and we didn’t have anything stopping us from doing whatever we wanted.

They had the houses in the suburbs and shit while Rashad and I still lived in the city. We did move out of his one bedroom condo and into a two story, four bedroom, three bathroom penthouse apartment. Hell, the only reason I wanted the extra room was because I knew our friends were going to have us on babysitting duties which neither one of us had a problem with.

“What about Rome?”

“That’s a good one, I like that idea.”

“Alright then, Rome it is. We’re going to set that shit up for August.”

“Cool. You think they had everything straight at the hotel while I was gone?”

“I didn’t get any calls but you never know. You just gotta see when you go in.” I was running The Carter Hotel in New York for Rashad, that’s how I made my money.

When I first started working there I was just looking over the employees and helping him organize everything but after a year he basically promoted me to the manager of the entire of hotel. Of course it’s some employees that had an issue with my being there but I really couldn’t give a fuck. The only reason they don’t like my ass is because Rashad and I are together plus I don’t play games at all. I run a tight ship which is why it’s making as much money as it does.

After the four hour flight back to New York I called an Uber to get us back to our place. When we got up to our apartment I went straight to the bedroom to lie down. The only thing I hate about traveling is missing my bed. Nothing felt better than being in my own shit.

“Baby, you hungry?” Rashad asked me when he came in the room.

“Yeah, you wanna order something?”

“Nah, I gotta go check on some shit so I’ll just bring you something back. I’ll only be gone for like an hour.”

“Alright, text me when you’re done doing whatever you’re going to I’ll tell you what I want then so you won’t forget and bring back some bullshit.” I smirked at him. Rashad’s memory is fucked up sometimes. He forgets the simplest shit and instead of asking about it he just takes a guess.

“I’m not going to forget but do that.” He came over and kissed me on the lips then walked out. “Love you ma!” He shouted from down the hall.

“Love you too!”

A smile came on my face while I got up to take a quick shower. Once I was good and clean I threw on one of Rashad’s old football jerseys and a pair of his boxers before sitting on my bed and calling Ebony. I didn’t really get to talk to them much while I was gone and I needed a good laugh.

“Are you finally back bitch?” Ebony asked when she answered her phone. I didn’t get a hi or anything the bitch went straight to questioning me.

“Well damn, hello to you too.”

“My bad,” She laughed. “What’s good Nic. Are you back?”

“Yeah we just got back home actually. Rashad went to go do something and get us some food so now I’m just sitting here. What are you doing?”

“I just got in the house from a photo shoot.”

“Ooh shit, what magazine this time?”

“Not for a magazine, this hair company. I forgot the name of it but their hair is the shit. Got this shit flowing all down my back. You know they send me free shit just to promote it.”

“Yeah and they pay your ass lovely. Who said you can’t make money off Instagram?”

“Dummies, shit I make stacks just for taking a picture of some damn jewelry and posting the shit.”

“What happened with that offer you got?”

“I’m not doing no damn Love & Hip Hop. I almost pissed myself when Viv told me they contacted her about me. The fuck I look like going on that shit and making a complete fool of myself.”

“Yeah they will have your ass doing some pure divine bullshit. Take it as a compliment, that means your name is out here bitch.”

“Oh please, that’s a bad thing as much as it’s a good thing. The great part is I’m making my money. The fucked up part is people think they know my life or think they know me. Calling me a damn IG model, no bitch I’m a professional model signed to an agency who just so happens to milk the shit out of that dumb ass app.” Ebony said in a serious tone.

The one thing that pisses Ebony off is trying to down play her and what she’s done. She’s been grinding hard as hell for the last few years and working her ass off. She’s graced the covers of numerous magazines and she was bent over fucking a rapper, shaking or showing her ass to do it. She did more than just post pictures with that nasty ass Flat Tummy Tea. Call her an IG model if you want to, you might get slapped.

“People are going to hate Ebony don’t let that shit get to you. You know you work your ass off fuck everybody else. Shit, you think I care about those bitches at that hotel hating on me? Talking about I don’t do my job, I’m just there because I’m fuckin’ Rashad. I had to curse one of those bitches out and fire her ass before we left.”

“What happened?” Ebony laughed again. For whatever reason this bitch thinks me going off is funny.

“First of all the bitch was already on thin ice because she’s a fuckin’ idiot and she’s always later or calling out. So because she barely comes to work her check is bullshit and she came at me about it talking about I’m jealous of her and that’s why I docked her pay and that I wouldn’t be shit if I wasn’t fuckin’ Rashad.”

“Oh hell nah, what did you say?”

“I went clean off on that hooker. I looked at her and was like I don’t know who the fuck you take me for but you really got life fucked up. I said Rashad is my man so the fuck what, that has nothing to do with how I do my job which I do quite well thank you very much bitch. Now you check looks like shit because you barely bring your dumb ass to work. The fuck you think you automatically obligated to money because your name is on the pay roll? No bitch the hours have to worked and you don’t do that so you can take that shitty ass paycheck and get the fuck out because you’re fired any way. Then I walked back to my office.”

“Wow Nic, you probably hurt the bitch feelings and everything.”

“I don’t care either, bitches really be having life fucked up. I’m about to be 30 years old I don’t have to be dealing with these dummies. I’m running out of patience my nigga.”

“Oh do not bring up age please, I’m 28.”

“So? You say that like you’re old.”

“I know but come on man my baby is 11 years old he’s almost a teenager. Angelic is 3 going on 30, that little girl is a mess.”

“You think you got it bad, Mariah is in the house with two teenagers and a toddler. I’m pretty sure Tristan is going to fuck around and get her pregnant again just wait.” I laughed.

“He probably will, when are you and Rashad going to pop one out?”

“When I have a ring on my finger and say I do, I got him until then I’m good.” It wasn’t my desire to be a baby mama. I’m good.

“I feel you; I told Kay the same thing. You know he’s asking me about a baby and shit. I told his ass I got you after we all have the same last name. If I marry him Jayden’s last name is getting changed to King just like mine.”

“Good, that’s his father they need the same last name.”

“Yeah well his father is irking my nerves with this baby shit, if we’re not arguing about that we’re arguing about some other shit.”

“Y’all are out of that honeymoon phase and real life is setting in. You’ll be fine, y’all love each other.”

“I know but damn shit is just rough right now.”

“Rough how Eb?”

“It just is, we argue all the time. Sure we have good days and when we’re good, we’re good. When shit is bad, it’s bad. If we argue I don’t even sleep in the damn room with him. I’m talking about me going to bed in the damn guest room for five nights straight in the past week Nicole.”

“The fuck happened?”

“I don’t even know but I’m over this shit man, and then I ran into Rio the other day and now he’s stalking my fuckin’ pages. I block his ass and he pops up again, this nigga is on this crazy bullshit.”

“When the fuck did he even get out?”

“I don’t know but he’s out and he’s on my ass. This nigga is really buggin’ I’m scared to go to my bookings because this bitch boy might pop up.”

“You told Kaylin?”

“Hell no if I tell him he’s not going to let me out of his sight and I don’t have time to be following his ass around when I have my own shit to handle.”

“You need to tell him, the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I’ll be fine Nicole, and don’t go running your mouth to Rashad.”

“I’m not but you still need to say something. I’ll keep quiet for now but as soon as I get the feeling something is going on I’m snitching.”

“Yeah alright I hear you, I gotta go cook for these kids. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Alright, later.” I ended the call the put my phone down. Ebony is as stubborn as they come. Let Kay find out this nigga been damn near stalking her and she’s keeping it quiet. She thinks they’re into it now he’s really going to have a fit.

#chris brown #chris brown fanfic #chris brown fan fiction #chris brown fan fic #alexys.jay #alexysj #natasha mosley #ashley king #tyler lepely

[captnbarnesrogers]

Two Lives One Person

Pairing/Characters: Bucky x Reader, OC Cameron, Laura Barton, Barton children

Warnings: probably some swearing but other than that none :)

Summary: Reader has a four year old son from another relationship but Bucky loves him nevertheless. After dropping him off at Laura and Clint’s, Bucky just has to tell Y/N how amazed he is by her juggling this life and her other.

Word Count: 3,362

It wasn’t strange that you’d woken up next to Bucky, you were used to it. He spent some of his nights at your safe house. His metal arm slung over your waist as he snored lightly beside you. You’d been together for three years and you were in love with him, despite what he thought he did. You gave him a kiss on the cheek and moved his arm so you could get up. 6:30 AM, the clock read. There was some clinging in the kitchen, catching your attention. You slowly made your way out of the bedroom and noticed little hands trying to reach for some bowls from the cupboard. You entered the kitchen to find bread, milk, and all breakfast necessities laid out messily everywhere.

“CJ,” you breathed out in relief, “What in the world are you doing? It’s so early, bud.”

“Mommy!” he squeal, jumping up to hug you. You smiled and kissed his temple, “I was twying to make you and Buckew bweakfast!”

“You’re so sweet,” you laugh at his thought and put him down on the bench top, “Where do you get it from, huh?”

“Come on, mom, take a bite, pwease?”

“My little chef,” you took a bite of the toast covered in Nutella and praised his toasting, “Alright buddy, we need you fed and dressed.”

“Whew awe we going, mommy?”

“Momma’s gotta go somewhere important so guess where you’re staying.” his eyes widened with excitement,

“To see Coopew and Lila and Aunty Lauwa!”

“That’s right, little man! You’re so excited, aren’t you?” he wrapped his little arms around your neck to engulf you into a tight hug. Just behind you, you heard light footsteps, meaning Bucky was now awake. He leaned against the kitchen door and stared at you and Cameron with adoring eyes.

“Buckew! Buckew guess what!?” Cameron said excitedly,

“What is it?” Bucky walked towards him and took him into his arms, carrying the small figure on his side,

“Guess whewe I’m goin’!”

“I don’t know, little buddy, where?” Bucky laughs,

“I’m goin’ to go and see Aunty Lauwa and Coopew and Lila!”

“Well, buddy, it looks like there’s more than just Cooper and Lila now,” Cameron looks at Bucky confused, “They have Nathaniel now too.” He looks at you with surprised eyes,

“Thewe’s a new baby!?” you nod,

“So you gotta be careful around the house, okay?” he nods at you assuringly, he was feeling like a big man, like he was the big brother, “Okay. Here’s your cereal, go sit down, and Bucky will pick out your clothes.”

Bucky kisses you good morning before going to Cameron’s room to pick out some clothes for him. You quickly cleaned the kitchen and made some coffee for yourself and Bucky. You stood in the kitchen, you hands holding your head. You weren’t sure how long you could lie to Cameron, you didn’t want him to know what type of life you lived other than the one you and Bucky were living with him. God, he doesn’t even know the truth about how you and Bucky met. You sighed and felt Bucky’s arms wrap around your waist.

“Hey.” he kisses your shoulder,

“Good morning.”

“What’s wrong, doll?”

“I don’t know, Buck, I just-” you groaned in frustration, “Am I a bad mom? You know, for keeping our life from him?”

“What? God, no! We’re protecting him, Y/N, we don’t want him to get hurt.”

“I know but I jus-” he captures your chin in-between his pointer finger and thumb,

“No buts, doll, you’re an amazing mother and I know you’d do anything for that boy.” You nod and he kisses you,

“So… No butts at all or?” he laughs at your innuendo,

“Maybe but we need to get dressed.” he slaps your ass and you both go off and get dressed.

Cameron’s excitement led him to get ready in under ten minutes while you and Bucky packed the car with all the things he needed, which wasn’t really much. He made his way outside to greet you and got into his car seat as giddy as any four year old could get. You already had a spare suit at the Barton’s for when times like this came along and Laura didn’t mind having Cameron because ‘for the most part, he was well behaved and wasn’t picky when it came to activities or food’, she would say. Bucky buckled Cameron in while you double checked all the windows and essentials before locking your doors, getting into the drivers seat and starting the car.

“Buckew?” Cam called out,

“Yeah, CJ?”

“Do you love my mom?” you were taken aback by your son’s question and gasped,

“Cameron Jayce Y/L/N!”

“Y/N, it’s okay,” Bucky laughs, assuring you it wasn’t anything to be worried about before turning back to the brown wondering eyes of your son, “I do, bud, I love your mom a lot.” Your heart warmed and your eyes softened, relaxing. You grabbed his hand and placed a kiss upon it.

An hour had passed and Bucky had fallen asleep in the passenger seat with his hand upon your thigh. Cameron was still awake and singing along with the radio. Suddenly, your phone rang. Steve Rogers, the screen said. You picked up immediately.

“Hey, Cam’s in the car, be quick.” you explained,

“You guys almost there?”

“Sure are, we’ll be at the house in fifteen and then we’ll meet you at the jet when we get there.”

“See you both soon.” you hum, agreeing and ended the call,

“Who was that mom?” Bucky wakes up at Cam’s giggly voice,

“Uh, that was your Aunt Laura, she says Coop and Lil are super excited to see you.” You smile at him softly and Bucky rubs your thigh, feeling your uneasiness come out to play when had you lied to Cameron.

Just as you said on the phone you arrived at the Barton’s safe house in around fifteen minutes, maybe less. Cameron jumped from his seat and was greeted at the door by Lila, Cooper, and his Aunt Laura holding a baby Nathaniel, all three kids caught each other in a hug. You and Bucky stepped out of the car and walked up to Laura to give her and baby, Nathaniel, a kiss on the cheek.

“He’s so adorable, Laur, he’s got your nose.” she laughs and leads you and Bucky inside,

“Clint likes to think otherwise”

“I do, because he does look like me,” Clint disrupts behind Laura, “Barnes, Y/L/N, your uniforms are in the bathroom,” You nod and thank him, “You two better hurry, Cap is waiting.”

You both walked to the bathroom with a fast pace, quickly putting on you gear and fastening your belt on. You checked your gun and your knives, putting them away and sealing them discreetly in your suit.

“You ready, Buck?” he nods, zipping and then clipping his vest, “Let’s go.” You both walk out of the bathroom, the heel of your boot clicking, “We’re ready, Cap.” You say through your ear piece.

“Mommy! Mommy!” Cameron runs up to you and hugs your legs, you bend down and carry him, you see tears starting to form in his eyes,

“Hey, bud, I’m gonna be back! Don’t cry!” You kiss your son on the nose and wipe away the fallen tears on his face,

“When?”

“Couple of days, I’ll always be back for you.” Bucky watches you handle the situation as he does when times like this come around, the adoration in his eyes is obvious and Laura gives him a pat on the back. Cameron grips you tightly around his small arms and you hug him back, “Okay, I gotta go, bud.” You let him go and he surrenders you peacefully, holding on to your indefinite promise.

“I love you, mom! Bye Buckew!”

“I love you too, little man,” Bucky waves back a goodbye before you both step out of the door, “Thank you Laur, I wouldn’t be able to do this without you.”

“Clint always says the same thing,” she shakes her head and laughs, “it’s really no big deal and the kids love each other so, it’s beneficial on my part that they get along.”

“Oh, before I forget,” you take out a box of crayons from you jacket hanging by the door, “I promised him a new box because I accidentally broke his other ones.” You hand her the box and she nods, “Alright, I’m ready to kick this asshole where the sun don’t shine.”

“Language.” you hear through your earpiece,

“Sorry, Steve.”

You both walk over to the jet and are greeted by Natasha, Steve, Sam, and Clint, who was flying the jet. You smiled at all of them and sat down on your seats, discussing the mission on your hands. You and Natasha were to fight off any agents who targeted Bucky and Steve while Bucky would go with Steve to retrieve some stolen files. Bucky stares at you intensely.

“Yes?” you asked turning to him,

“You just never cease to amaze me.”

“What?” you look at him confusingly and you laugh, “How?”

“You are the most soft yet dangerous person I have ever met and that’s just… hot.” he explains,

“Gross, we’re on a mission.” Clint interrupts,

“What? I can’t appreciate my girlfriend and how hot she is from being in mom mode to just this badass agent ready to kick some ass?”

“You can but maybe not in front of all of us!” Bucky kisses you on the lips, his darkened eyes wondering over your body,

“Not here. Soon.” you say and he groans.

After a successful two days of fighting and finally getting the stolen files, you were able to go home safe and with only minimum scratches. Bucky grabs a hold of your hand and brings it up to his lips.

“Happy?” he asks with a soft voice,

“Sore,” you say, leaning your head against his shoulder, “but I’ll get to see Cameron.”

You began to feel a bit nauseous from the movement and the smell of the jet but you shrugged it off as the feeling began to fade and due to the fact that this always happened to you, you always felt uneasy in the jet. The jet landed a few minutes away from the safe house and you rushed out, ecstatic to see your little world. You ran to the door and knocked. Behind Laura stood your little prince whose eyes widened at the sight of you.

“Mommy!” he squeals, jumping onto you, “I missed you!”

“I missed you too, sweetie, so much!” you held him tightly, feeling lucky that you were able to come home to him once more. You kissed him on the cheek and carried him back into the house. He talked about his weekend with the Barton’s and how much fun he had with Cooper and Lila.

“Momma, when awe we gonna have a Nathanwiel?” he asks tugging on your suit,

“I- uh… That’s a tough one.” you smile at him and Bucky laughs at your nervousness,

“We don’t know yet, bud, but I sure do want to add on.” Bucky admits,

“Add on?” you question, Bucky nodded with a hopeful smile,

“Yeah momma! Can we!? Can we!?”

“Uh I don’t know, honey, maybe.” You see Bucky’s face fall as soon as you let go of those words. You didn’t mean to hurt him, you were protecting yourself and Cameron, you wanted to be sure, you didn’t want this amazing guy to leave you just like Cam’s dad did. Cam’s dad wanted nothing to do with him, not even a ring was involved. Sure you loved him, but did he love you as much as you loved him? You didn’t know. You thanked Laura for helping you out with Cameron and you went to go change inside the bathroom. You felt so uncomfortable in your suit and began to feel a little dizzy, you sat down on the side of the bathtub and held your head in your hands, massaging your temples. The nauseous feeling from the jet came back and before you knew it, your head was in the toilet spewing out whatever it is you ate to make you feel this sick. It kept coming and coming until all was left was the taste of acid behind your throat. You gurgled out the taste and changed into your everyday clothes.

“Y/N, doll? You okay in there? You’re taking awfully long.” you hear a worried Bucky behind the door,

“I’m fine, I just felt a little sick from the jet fumes.” you call out, assuring him that you were fine. He replied with a quick ‘alright’ before leaving you alone with your exhausted looking self. You made your way out of the bathroom and Cameron greeted you with a squeal, holding his arms out as a sign of him asking you for a carry. You couldn’t resist his little cheeky smile and picked him up, walking towards Bucky.

“Hey, doll.” he greets, kissing you on the cheek. He then proceeds to study your face whilst you talk to Laura about how the weekend went, planning a next one where you can all stay for the weekend together. Bucky notices some differences in colour within your face, “Doll, are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah, Buck, I told you, just a little backlash from the jet fumes.” you smile,

“Yeah Y/N, now that Bucky’s mentioned it… You look a little pale.” Laura points out,

“I’m always like this after the jet, don’t worry about me too much,” you tell them, “I’ll be fine.”

“Here, give me Cam and I’ll go put him in the car.” Bucky offers, taking his arms out, you nod and tell Cameron to say goodbye to everyone.

“Thanks again, Laur, we’ll see you all next week?”

“We made plans so we sure will!” she smiles widely, kissing you on the cheek goodbye. You wave as she closes the door and you make your way to the driver’s seat before Bucky stops you,

“I’ll drive, doll, you’re gonna be too tired.”

“Bucky, I told you I’m fine, I can handle it.” he looks at you with concern and shakes his head,

“No, get in the front seat and I’ll drive.” his Sargent voice popped you which meant he was serious and you kissed him, sighing because you knew he wasn’t going to back down,

“Yes, sir.” The radio was quiet and Cameron had fallen asleep to the sound of the engine running, “He must’ve had some weekend.” you point out,

Sure looks like it, he has paint on his face.” you both laugh at the sight of him, Bucky picks up your hand and places a kiss on it,

“What’s up?”

“I just think you are such an amazing mother to him, Y/N, you’re an amazing person and you deserve the world, I don’t know how you ended up with a screw-up knucklehead like me.”

“Bucky, we talked about the 40’s talk, I can’t understand it, baby.” You laugh, “But I did understand the other things and thank you, I try to be the best for him and give him what I can.” A moment of peace took over before you asked, “Do you think he’s happy? With everything? With… us?”

“I sure hope so, baby-doll but I see it in his eyes, he loves you.”

“If he loves me, he loves you too and you’re not a screw up, you’re incredible to us, Bucker.” the use of Cam’s nickname for Bucky leaves him smiling from ear to ear.

You’d been feeling sick all week and of course Bucky being Bucky, he didn’t let you lift a finger. It hadn’t been the jet fumes, that’s for sure. But something else was to blame for the way you’d been feeling ever since that mission. Nervousness? No. Excitement? Nothing really to be excited about.  Happiness? You were happy everyday with Cam and Bucky but not to the point of being sick all the time. You weren’t exactly sure what it was but you had an idea to pin point and you were a bit scared to be completely honest. You’d invited Wanda and Nat over while Bucky was in a meeting back at the tower, for some reason you’d been hating being alone and would get emotional over stupid little things like that. But you weren’t really like that before.

“How’s our little ball of sunshine doing?” Nat teases, pinching your cheeks and smiling,

“She is constantly vomiting.” you sighed, tiredly,

“So,” Wanda started, her voice full of curiosity, “would you say you are always emotional?”

“Uh, yes… How-”

“You going to the toilet all the time?”

“Yes bu-”

“You have weird cravings?”

“Actual-”

“Well that explains a third person’s energy in this room.” she says casually, looking down at her black nails,

“What? Cam’s at schoo-” you eyes widened at realisation, Wanda looks up smirking and Nat has covered her mouth in surprise, “Oh my god, Wanda!”

“Do you think it is a Winter Soldier or a Winteress?”

“I- I don’t even...” your hands make their way up to your tummy, holding on to what seems to be the new addition to your little family,

“You think you can name it Natasha? The other one already betrayed me and it’s a newborn.” your eyes start welling up and the girls engulf you into an embrace, telling Natasha you promise to call it Natasha if it’s a girl. Natasha quickly drove to the pharmacy explaining that ‘the judgement of the Scarlet Witch isn’t enough proof’, of course she couldn’t be more wrong.

Bucky came home that afternoon with bags of food and an ice cream covered Cameron, pulling on his black skinny jeans. He gave you a kiss on the cheek upon is enter and Cameron jumped on you in excitement, complaining that he hadn’t seen you all day. You then proceeded to kiss him on the cheek and tell him to go and get changed, then wash his face. You walked towards Bucky with nervousness in your eyes, you kept pulling on the sleeves of your jumper. You made your way behind him and hugged him from behind.

“Everything alright, doll?” he asks as he unpacks the shopping bags, “I got the weird stuff you’ve only been eating!” he laughs and you let out a giggle with him,

“Bucky, Wanda and Nat came over today.”

“Yeah? What’d you guys do? Did you watch those movies I got you?”

“Not exactly.” He turns around to see your face and he sees your worried eyes,

“You sure you alright, sugar?”

“Bucky, I’m pregnant,” you took out the pregnancy test from your pocket and held it out to him, “Wanda felt it and we had to make sure.” His mouth was agape with surprise and you saw his eyes welling up with tears,

“There’s- there’s a little kid in there?” he kneels down to put his face next to your tummy, sniffling, “we made that?”

“We did.” his crying triggered your tears and your hands caressed his hair,

“How big is it?” he asks, rubbing your tummy, his eyes were filled with love as he stared at your barely there bump,

“It’s about seven weeks, so it’s as big as a small blueberry.”

“I love blueberries!” he exclaims loudly, Cameron comes into the kitchen just as Bucky expresses his emotions,

“Daddy, are you hurting my mommy? Why is mommy crying?”

“Cam, you can’t just-”

“It’s fine, doll, I let him.” he wipes away his fallen tears. You then imagine your life with Bucky with your newborn and you knew you’d picked the most amazing and perfect person to have a family with.

“You do? Since when?” he stands up and carries Cameron,

“Count two weekends ago.”

“Yeah mommy, he’s my daddy, the best daddy in the whow wowld!” Cam wraps his arms around Bucky to cling onto him,

“Did you hear that? Best dad in the world.”

“I heard it and I definitely agree.” you laugh and squeeze in the hug with them,

“So,” he takes a box out of his pocket, “can I witness you change from mom mode to badass for the rest of our lives?”

A/N: HOPE THIS WAS OKAY <3 THANK YOU FOR READING AND REQUESTING MASTERLIST HERE REQUESTS GO HERE

#james buchanan barnes #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky x reader smut #bucky x reader fluff #sebastian stan #tony stark #tony stark x reader #tony stark x reader smut #tony stark x reader fluff #iron man #the winter soldier #winter soldier #thor #thor odinson #thor x reader #thor x reader smut #thor x reader fluff #chris hemsworth #robert downey jr #rdj #the hulk #bruce banner #bruce banner x reader #bruce banner x reader smut #bruce banner x reader fluff #mark ruffalo #black widow #black widow x reader #black widow x reader smut

[rocketxknighter]

Got gold 5 with just Alistar, Annie and Soraka

Alistar has been my most played support, with annie being my surprise one shot ap carry for support and soraka being my super easy lazy mode/I want to stay with my adc but also help my top laner. Builds here are for alistar but for soraka it’s the same items, annie you get liandry’s torment, morello, rabadon, ludens and you’re good.

Summoner Spells and only one keystone mastery i use. Grasp of the undying is easy to proc on alistar thanks to his E keeps him in the fight for 4 seconds since there are enemy players who wont attack him it goes well with his combo damage.

Runes on Alistar 4.5% move speed, 100 mana, 17 armour.

Ignite: we already know how good it is but reminder to all that it also gives true vision it aint just a killing spell.

Exhaust: only take this if two players already have ignite.

Alistar build 1: Eye of the enquiox, Ninja Tabi, ardent censer, locket, deadman’s plate, adaptive helm

Other items you can use on alistar: Face of mountain, righteous glory, Ruby Sightstone (combined with buying banner of command if you want to troll enemy ap champions), Randuins omen, Ice Born gauntlet, spirit visage, warmog, Yellow boots.

Explanations for alistar items:

Eye of the Enquinox: This item gives you more hp barrier once you’ve reached 650 stacks plus you get to use 4 wards, with this extra hp barrier you can tank more damage when you dive into a fight or knock away certain assassins like yasuo/zed/twitch who he easily counters in team fights rendering the fear of twitch’s R obsolete when he plays against me in mid/late game.

Ninja Tabi: it’s a cheap and broken item on alot of tanks especially sejuani, alistar, taric, you can abuse this during tower dives since the passive from what i’ve seen does work against towers which is disgusting, plus alistar can ult to endure even more tower damage that feels like you’re playing a late game nautilus (if you main nautilus).

Ardent Censer: Alot of people do not expect me to buy this on alistar and it’s stupidly busted when combining alistar with on hit effect champions like ezreal, jax, sivir, twitch, vayne. Alistar HEALS ALL ALLIES NEAR HIM if 7 minions, any dragon/baron/herald, enemy champion dies but it goes on a 3 second CD but the ardent censer passive lasts for 8 seconds on your allies so if you stay with your allies more often then you’ll keep on healing them and they get that massive damage spike.

Also take into account that Alistar’s Q,W and even his E damage is super disgusting he is really one of the biggest cs kings in support with some underated damage so adding some ap from ardent gives him even more power.

Locket: lol just shield your lads n girls.

Deadman’s plate: Okay alistar needs move speed to easily just WQ people to initate fights and get around to running to squishies or push away that one annoying champion out of the fight for longer (looking at you Malphite, Riven, Kled, Twitch, Yasuo.

I’ve mentioned that alistair’s damage is disgusting already so adding more from the on hit effect combined with his E will piss the enemy carries off because your a tank but in just one combo (charging E first, dive in with W, Q, land the E at max stacks and land the dead man’s plate passive damage).

Adaptive helm: good item against alot of ap champions, reduce their damage over time. Simple.

Face of mountain: good that it gives a barrier to your ally but it also gives you less of a hp barrier compared to Eye of Equinox which is why i don’t always buy this item also you need wards so this item can set you back a bit so recomended if you can survive to the late game or you’re just too fed.

Righteous glory: again alistar needs that move speed to get into the fight, will annoy enemies who get slowed, you can get in and do your team fighting job.

Ruby Sightstone and Banner of Command combo: I’ve abused this alot in my ranked games and banner of command really pisses off ap champion players because if you shield a minion (you should always shield a cannon minion) all ap moves deal 0 damage to that minion and your buffed minion becomes a super minion and it becomes an even stronger super minion if you have baron nashor buff with it’s ad damage exceeding near 200 ad so you can easily push towers or abuse this thing on mid lane team fights for the enemy to take more damage and go “wtf why am i taking so much damage from a minion?”

Ruby.S. item gives you way more hp, 4 wards and gives all your item actives a 20% cdr so you can abuse banner of command alot more and create more map chaos with it for split pushing or fights.

Yellow boots: i don’t always recomend this item but it’s good for the early to mid game Sell this in late game please, you need to be confident with this item in thinking you can ambush and just engage the enemy team like crazy.

that’s it for the items and now for my battle stragety this got me out of bronze 1 and into gold 5 and left my elo there for the rewards.

Always buy a sweeper lens at level 6 or when you buy a sightstone.

Upgrade sweeper lens to Oracle Alt at level 9.

Before you set up a team fight in the jungle, river, or plan to engage a lane from a position please use your Oracle Alt to scan for any wards, hidden champions THIS DOES MAKE A MASSIVE DIFFERENCE IN YOU WINNING A FIGHT I abuse this alot with Alistar and my burst damage support Annie.

When sweeping wards with red trinkets you should’nt always attack that ward because if you do attack that ward then you become visible on the map as the person destroying that ward, so sometimes it is best to just ignore that ward and use your Ping to warn of a enemy ward instead.

Twitch, Tristana, Jhin were popular picks in my elos and right now alot of people hate fighting twitch so i tend to start a fight early then start running away to another position i’ve caught twitch’s getting baited to use their Q or R early because of me starting a massive team fight early but really I’ve found a way to save my W to knock that little rat out of the fight or i end up baiting him to attack me and I’m already stupidly tanky so I won’t die or wont go down so easily and by the time twitch has given up trying to attack me, or I cc’d him so much out of a fight, or killed him if he is underfed, or him/his team mate kills me then it’s already too late for him to be useful in a team fight because his ult will be down and my allies can clean up.

This works on all adcs but i mention twitch because league players wont stop raging about him.

Against jhin his ult effects easily give him away where he is and any form of hard cc including chogath’s silence will stop it.

As Alistar, Annie, Soraka I roam alot.

Some tips on roaming as any support:

*Make sure you do it at a wise time.

*Warn your adc that you’re doing a roam.

*You’re roam should be a max of 40 seconds, if your going to go for a 1minute roam then you better make sure it works because you don’t want to go back empty handed.

*Soraka: I start making roams if my adc can be safe from enemy bot lane cc.

Quickly run to top lane if you can’t R and throw some heals, same to mid or junglers.

*Annie:have red trinket, use it where your going to ambush or if you have to go through a lane bush then you can use it to disable vision and just run into the lane and throw in a tibbers stun with her combos to.

*Another one for annie is baiting with control wards, i sometimes intentionally place them in the open or mid lane or intentionally miss bushes to make it look like a mistake, over time someone will see it and try to kill it then you can just punish them.

For my boi alistar my roaming stragety goes like this.

*level 1 start with W, always warn my team of an enemy invade, watches the bushes between mid and top lane. You should also mention your going to gank top and that your adc will get bonus exp for being alone for a while this will comfort your soloQ team mates.

*at 2 min mark gank top lane it’s best to do it if your top laner is Darius, Yasuo, Riven, Renekton, Kled, Rumble, Jayce, Jax, Tryndamere. you need these bois to start a fight before you start a fight because this baits the enemy top laner into your trap. Engage them from behind, save your yellow ward for the top lane bushes because people will go there. Do not try this is your top laner is someone who needs more levels especially Nasus, Singed, Maokai, Malphite. Do not attempt to dive the tower unless you know you can do it but get out instantly.

*roam to mid, most of the time you don’t have to attack the mid laner so alot of times i just casually walk between both mid laners (because I can) also shove that rank 7 in the enemy’s face if you want.

*return to bot lane and be defensive for a few minutes, tell your adc to do small trades then back off and avoid getting hooked.

*enemy bot lane should be at like 400 or 500 hp because they use all of their healing items and by the 7 or 8 minute mark your jungler or mid laner should be ganking you, your ultimate should be up on alistar so if you’ve pushed too far you can engage and ult to tank tons of tower damage.

If you are getting pushed back you can run around the jungle to bot lane to gank the enemy support and adc with your jungler and mid.

*I always make sure to sweep river bot lane, duo bot lane bushes, the dragon, the mid lane bushes, top lane river bush before i engage the top lane.

*when engaging team fights near enemy towers, try to engage from behind the enemy team and ult or save that ult if you get cc’d again you tank all the tower damage and your team gets to stomp the enemy under the tower.

*You can treat alistar’s W like a Vayne condem, just dont do this near thin walls XD lmfao so you can just use your move speed or flash to knock someone into a wall or bush (if you have a ward) and you’re partners will always pick up the kill or burn the enemy’s heal or flash.

* I intentionally solo invade or duo invade the enemy jungle to sweep for the wards or the jungler.

* prevent enemy junglers from trying to dash in to smite dragon/herald/baron or any buff.

*I intentionally engage some enemies early before my team shows up as a way of baiting the enemy away from a team fight so there is always that one or two enemy players who will get obilterated by my team because their team was busy chasing me. Sometimes this can cost you to die but if your allies can get easy kills and easier objectives to win the game then so be it.

That’s pretty much about it for me sorry this is super long to read i know it’s boring but as a support main I want to post this, hopefully this will make more people want to play alistar more untill the pre season 8 hits. 

I wish all you players in ranked good luck, don’t be toxic or you wont get the rewards.

Love you all and take care.

#support #League of Legends #stragety #alistar #soraka #annie

[ambroseabrams]

random cuteness {lazy f2f}

CHARACTERS: Ambrose Abrams and @jaysonswitchhudson

SUMMARY: Disco date says 7/21 - this is just some random cuteness

JAYSON

Hey, babe. Just checking in to see how things are going. I miss you. 

AMBROSE

I miss you too. My boyfriend.

I upset someone so that's great, but otherwise I'm good. Looking into classes and seeing how I can help around here. I might volunteer for something? Since I don't need help, if I have to be here.. maybe I should give help instead.

JAYSON

You're the cutest, did you know? What? What happened sweetheart? Talk to me.

AMBROSE

Not as cute as you. You're going to be upset because it was Sebastian. He messaged me and I ended up making him feel like a charity case. I'll fix it, I think by now you know that I can't let something I said sit like that with someone else. It was just a misunderstanding. But I feel bad. Because I know what that feels like.

JAYSON

Ambrose, you're going to kill me saying stuff like that. That's alright, sweet boy. I told you, I don't own you. You're free to speak with and be friends with whomever you'd like. I've only asked for caution, but I know you'll do just that so it's not even a huge deal. I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to tell me. That's alright too, you know. Sometimes words don't work for us the way we want them to, or think they will, or hope they will even. That happens to everyone, you have no reason to feel poorly for that. All you can do is try to fix it, and I know you, my sweet boy- I know you're already doing just that. I trust you, babe, and I trust that it'll all be alright. Take a breath, take a moment, pause, collect your thoughts, and re-approach the situation with a clearer head.

AMBROSE

Do you know how perfect you are, Sir? I know you doubt yourself, but you always know just what to say to me.

Do you want me to kneel for you tonight? And what about you? How are you feeling? Do you need to kneel? You know I'm here.

JAYSON

I'm not, babe, really. I'm only speaking the truth. I just want to help, to make you feel better. Because again- I know you. I know you'll fixate, and you have no reason to. That would be...Really nice. Yeah, we can do that. I'm alright, I think. Thank you babe. How are you feeling? Be honest.

AMBROSE

Babe.

But you are, babe. Look at what you just said, and what you said before that. You know me so well. Did you know that I feel better now? I didn't before. I was fixated. But you showed me that I didn't have to be. You have no idea how good you are to me, Sir. How much you do. How much I need you; I don't know how I survived before you. Yes, Sir.~

I can take everything off too. Strip first. For you. You think? I'll ask again in the morning, then. I feel good. I'm not anxious anymore and I feel fulfilled, getting to be with you.

JAYSON

You...Need me?

You're such a good boy, Ambrose. You're so good to me, and for me. I'm glad you feel that way, you deserve it. Every bit.

AMBROSE

I do. I need you. Always, Sir. Jayce.

You deserve it too.

JAYSON

Do you wanna talk about that? How did you sleep, baby?

AMBROSE

Yes, we can. Do you? I always sleep well when I'm with you. How did you sleep?

JAYSON

Okay. Talk to me, sweet boy. Don't feel pressured to say anything at all, I just want to hear you talk about that. And I don't mean that in the way it sounds, either. I'm not stuck up my own ass. I just want to get a feel for where you are with things. You know that's what I like to hear, babe. And you know my answer will always be the same- with you, I slept. Always do.

AMBROSE

You just make me feel... complete? I don't know how to describe it. Other than maybe what's a Submissive without someone to be their other half. I don't feel pressured with you. You always have my best interest in mind. When I'm upset, you know just what to say. When I don't know what to do, you guide me. When we lay together, I feel whole. And you know that's what I like to hear right back. I'm glad. I like spending the night with you, that's my favorite part of the day.

JAYSON

Ambrose...Thank you for sharing that with me. I needed to hear that, for so many reasons. My guess is you already knew that. You do the same for me, you know. You're cute. I keep half-expecting you to tell me you're ready to go back to your suite.

AMBROSE

I like to think I know you. That I can be what you need and give you what you need. Words too. I'm glad to. Why would I do something like that? I'd miss you.

JAYSON

You do, you know. So you can think about that with confidence. You are everything I need, Ambrose. Just you. You give me everything I need, my sweet boy. My good boy. That's really sweet of you to say. I'd miss you a hell of a lot, too. Are you hungry sweet boy?(edited)July 24, 2020

AMBROSE

I could melt. I like sleeping with you, and I like waking up with you. Are you? We could cook. I could cook.July 25, 2020

JAYSON

Are we really about to act like you didn't just post the world's most  perfect picture?

AMBROSE

:innocent: :innocent: :innocent: :innocent: :innocent: :innocent:

JAYSON

What do you have going this morning?

AMBROSE

Spending time with you, I hope.

JAYSON

That's precisely what I'd hoped you'd say. Strip for me baby, now. Then, on those pretty knees.

AMBROSE

Oh, Sir.

Yes, Sir.

JAYSON

Good boy. Fuck, you always look so good for me. And, your obedience is quite the turn on. Talk to me. Where is your head?

AMBROSE

Thank you, Sir. I like being good for you, my obedience and your willingness to take it are special. I feel safe. Content. I'm happy. I know I'm a good boy and I'm in good hands. I can't wait to see what happens next.

JAYSON

Of course, my boy. Ambrose, you have no concept of what it means when you say things like that. What it does. You're special, and I recognize and appreciate that you giving me these things is special. It could've been anyone, for you. But you chose me. You've allowed me to be in this position, and to fulfill these needs for you. Thank you for that, my precious boy. I want you to be all of those things, and more. You are, and you know I'll always take the best care of you. Oh yeah? Well. you won't need to wait long to find out. Let me...Ask you something. And I want your total honesty. I know this would be big, and I'm fully prepared for you not to be comfortable with it. How would you feel about me blindfolding you?

AMBROSE

What I give you, I couldn't give to just anyone, Sir. I do know that you'll always take care of me. I would be okay with you doing that, I trust you. You'll keep my safe.

JAYSON

Thank you for that reminder, baby. I see you. You're right about that. Thank you for trusting me like that. I won't let anything happen to you, Ambrose. I'm here, I've got you. Give me a kiss, and then close those beautiful eyes for me.

AMBROSE

Yes, Sir.

JAYSON

Good boy. You are so sweet. I'm going to blindfold you, now. If you start to get overwhelmed, I want you to tap me anywhere you can reach, three times. Understood?

AMBROSE

Yes, Sir. Three times. I'm okay. You're okay. You're so sweet.

JAYSON

Good boy, you've got it. Slipping the blindfold over Ambrose's eyes, Jay bent to press another kiss to the other man's forehead. The silence now surrounding them left him feeling a bit insecure, though he shoved the thoughts aside. Once the blindfold was positioned well enough, he reached for Ambrose's hands, helping the other to his feet before guiding him towards the bedroom.

AMBROSE

Thank you, Sir. As he had promised, Ambrose trusted Jayson and had no problem giving the Dominant his vision. He knew he was safe, he knew he'd be cared for, and whatever was about to happen would not only be enjoyable but it would bring the two of them closer together. "I'm proud of you," he said out loud as they walked hand in hand, with Jayson in the lead. There was no hesitation at all in anything Ambrose did. And he was proud, he knew how hard it was for his boyfriend to step into his feels as his Dom to do stuff like this.

#glee ds rp #glee smut rp #mature rp #f2f: all #f2f: jayson hudson

[notdonelearning]

This one is a wild one so get ready.

My friends and I were going to have a kickback at my house, but because of multiple reasons we ended up cancelling the whole night. We were kinda bumbed out about the whole thing but didn’t care much about it cause we were high, and eating pizza. That’s when one of my friends started to feel sick so me and my other guy friend decided to take her back to her dorm.

My guy friend and I still wanted to go out to a house party so we started to ask around. We met up with another one of our friends cause she also wanted to go out. We had agreed that we only wanted to get buzzed, so keep an eye on each other. We started to ask other people if they knew of anything going down, but with no luck. I ended up asking the girl that I like if she knew of anything going on, which she usually does cause she goes out a lot. We ended up going back to campus to her dorm, and just hung around with her roommates for a while. This is when things started to go south for me… and I let it. DISCLAIMER: I AM A LIGHT WEIGHT. The girl that I like, lets call her violet, started saying how she wanted to get me fucked up. Violet then starts handing me drinks and eventually a bong with a full beer. Let me just say that it was my first time doing that and I did a great job.

After drinking a bit, we headed towards a house that there was a party, or so we thought. When we got there, it was a bust. Violet and her group of friends decided that they wanted to go to a bar near downtown. My two friends did not want to go, but I did cause I wanted to hang out with violet. I felt super shitty about leaving my friends but they ended up finding another house party so I didn’t feel too bad about it. At this point violet was being kinda touchy with me, but in a cute way. Before we get in the uber, two of violets friends decide they need to pee and so they start peeing behind this random house. We finally get in the uber, and violets friends who sat in the front starts hitting on the uber driver and starts calling him “baby g”. Violet whispers to me that her friend will probably sleep with baby g tonight, and I believe it happened cause she did get his number and she was really persistent.

I had never been to this bar so I was pretty excited. We finally get there and let me tell you… this place is nice. It was a patio bar/club place. Outside there were lights strung around the patio, swings around the borders, a stage with a DJ, and a bar. It was really pretty. When we walk in Violet and one of her friends head straight to the bar. They buy me a beer and one vodka soda. I was feeling good. I was happy to be there, and having fun. We also take one shot each, and then head inside to the dance floor. I cannot dance so this was my reality check and a nightmare. Violet is dancing and she takes my hand so that I would dance with her. All that I was thinking is “shit, I cannot dance”. Luckily, I was saved by one of her leaving and we had to chase after her cause she was already drunk. We ended up losing her, so Violet just gives up and we just start talking. Again, touchy touchy.

We head back outside and find all of her friends by the swings taking pictures. Somehow, violet and I lose her friends again so we go on another search. We found them again on the other side of the bar. One of her friends was sitting on one of the swings and tells me to sit with her. We start talking and we kinda bonded. While I’m with her friend, Violet is making friends with a couple of guys. Her friend and I take a picture together that I have yet to see almost a week a later. Violet then comes over and tell her friend “Jayc is coming, you have to prepare her”, and leaves. I was very confused at this point. Her friend then turns to me and says “its okay, he will probably come here and kiss her in the mouth but its okay”. I was confused at this because violet and I were not dating, and barely talking. I wouldn’t have cared if he did kiss her. If we were dating, then that would be another story.

Through the entire night I was texting my guy friend. At this point I kinda wanted to go home because I had a bad feeling and I was tired. I get up from the swing and tell violet that I might be going home soon. She tells me that I should stay and that I should just go home with her and just stay with her the night. It sounded tempting, and I was torn. I should have gone home, but I didn’t.

I think this is when I started to black out because I am not sure how I got to some places. However, the next thing that I remember is talking to some guys and they were pretty cool. I turn around to look for Violet and she is next to me but talking to another guy at the bar. I started talking to them and quickly figure out that they are taking shots. I declined violets offer of a shot, but the guy says its his birthday… I give in.

The next thing I remember is Violet putting her arm around me and telling me that I had to find some gay girls to get drinks from them. We walked around the bar once, only to come back right were we started. I sit on a swing next to the bar with violet, and next thing I know Jayc and his friend Donni are there. Jayc goes straight for violet, so I started talking to Donni. I recognized him from somewhere, and he says that we had a class together. Next thing I know I had another tequila shot and a lime in my hand.

I black out.

The next few things I am about tell you are the handful moments of clarity I had. We ended up back at Violets dorm, and I remember throwing up. I only remember this cause I was so frustrated I could not find the flush button. My next moment of clarity was laying in Violets bed and she is taking my pants off, but not in a sexual way, and I am freezing. At one point I look at violet and tell her that I am about to have a panic attack, which I was. She grabs me by the shoulders and tell me that everything was going to be okay, but I knew better. Next thing that I remember is my friend that I had taken back to her dorm earlier in the night was there, but wearing one of my sweaters that was at home. That is it. That’s all I remember.

Now I will try to fill in the gaps from what my friends have told me.

Around 1:30am, while we were still at the bar, Violet takes my phone and starts texting my guy friend who was at my house with two of my other friends getting high. Violet is telling him how I am fucked up and how its her fault cause she kept giving me shots. However, violet tells him that shes got me and how they don’t need to worry. But she decides to take a picture of us, and I look GONE. This is when my friends start getting worried and decide that they need to come get me. THANK THE LORD FOR GOOD FRIENDS. Somehow, violet and my guy friend talk on the phone and he was not happy apparently. I imagine this is around when I was either throwing up in the bathroom or naked on violets bed.

Around 3:30am, my friends leave my house and head to campus to get me. Take in mind that all 3 of them are high out of their minds. It’s about a 15 min car ride, so not too bad. They get to Violets dorm and my friend, the one we dropped off earlier in the night, finds me in violets bed wrapped in her bed sheets with violet wrapped around me trying to keep me warm. One of violets roommates apparently was being a bitch about the whole things, and trying to make it seem like she was the most fucked up while I’m over here on the verge of having alcohol poisoning. My friend told me later that she literally looked at her and told her to shut the fuck up, which I am very proud of cause I didn’t like her very much either. Apparently, I look at my friend and say “its gonna happen” which she knows its code for ‘get me the fuck out of there cause I am having a panic attack’. They get me up and start dressing me with clothes my friends had brought me, cause I could not physically stand up or get dressed by myself. While all of this is going on, violet is still insisting that I should stay and that she can take care of me. Oh btw, violet is also blacked out alongside of all her roommates. My guy friend take both of these girls and pushes them off me so that my other friends could dress me. He then proceeds to help me out the room but then I run back inside and tell violet that I will be back… so many regrets. As soon as we get in the elevator I have that panic attack. I do not remember this. We walk outside, while my friend is still carrying me and I ran across the street to the car and I start throwing up on the side walk. Great moment.

We finally get in the car, after I apparently argued about being in the front seat. My friend who was driving tells me that I would not stop moving around in the car, and kept sticking my head out the window. We pulled up to a red light, while my head is out the window, and a car pulls up to us. My friend starts freaking out. Oh btw… we go to a school that is very big on basketball. The car that pulls up to us rolls their window down, and it turned out to be one of the starters for our basketball team… big deal. He asks if I am okay, which my friends reply “yes, shes just very drunk”, and he just starts cracking up. He then asks my friend if she wants to race, and she not so politely declines. All that I could do was put my index finger up and wiggle it to say no. I might have been drunk but I knew that racing was a bad idea. Good job, me. I remember feeling like I was dying the entire way home. According to my friends, I had another moment of clarity when I ran up to my room and I told them that I had to go to sleep otherwise I would throw up. I passed out, but one of my friends stayed up another 2 hours to make sure I was okay. I LOVE THEM.

The days following this all that I feel is regrets and guilt. I had to pick up my clothes from violets room, and I dreaded it. I could not look at her in the face. I still feel so shitty about the whole night. Violet and I are not talking anymore, even if we were I don’t know if I could do it anyways. I’m too embarrassed.

Lesson learned. 

Saturday September 9th, 2017

#College #college adventures #Drunk night #all the regrets #why am i like this #i fucked up #i died #friends #bar #club #OTR #never again #blacked out #mistakes