#and she is in catwoman wtf
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barbara gordon in catwoman #45
bonus:
#why is babs on the cover when she's not even in the issue smh!!!!!!#that's gonna bug me forever now wtf#steph and cass are in this issue a lot more but ig they got SHAFTED for babsgirl for some reason#barbara gordon#batgirl#oracle#written by: tini howard#cover art by: jeff dekal#art by: sami basri#colours by: jordie bellaire#anyways enjoy this little post#i'll try to find more babs in stuff for another one#dc comics#comic panels#catwoman (2018)#issue 45#queue
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Asexual Jason Todd is actually the secret weapon of Batman.
Let me explain.
Every major female foes of the Bat used their sex appeal at one moment to distract the police, Arkham guards...
But, imagine Ivy increasing again and again and again the power of her pollen and Red Hood does not react. Maybe sneezing.
Circea trying to play whith his mind and
"Wtf are you doing ? Stop moving your hands like that."
Every teen heros getting caught lurking on Kori or Power Girl and he doesn't understand why those idiots can't start the meeting. Wtf does "My eyes are here" even mean.
Evil foreigner billionaire sending a spy to seduce the oldest boy in the family still in Gotham to steal informations on WayneTech and after a party of dancing and talking, with innuendos bigger than his arms, the dude takes back the girl in his plaza room to be sure she's safe and fall asleep on the floor.
Meanwhile the spy doesn't know if she lost her talents of if Jason has a really strong mind.
If Jason was Batman from the start, first encounter with catwoman, take 1 :
"What arrre you going to do, arrrest me ?
- Yes.
- Wait, what ?"
Jason going to college and always being invited to girls night when they're going to bars or nightclubs because they have a 6'6 werewolf with them to dissuaded the other guys and they feel secure because they can't recall one time he tried something that made them uncomfortable, or just something in fact.
Never hit on a girl, loves litterature, takes great care of his body...Jason Todd is the only gothamite unaware he's a gay icone.
#batman#batfamily#batfam#jason todd#batman headcanon#red hood#catwoman#selina kyle#asexual jason todd#ace Jason Todd#poison ivy#koriand'r#starfire#power girl#ace#asexual#asexuality#dc comics
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Okay so I know this wasn’t the intention, but I read the most recent part of Owl Song and now I can’t stop thinking about Ivy, Jason, and Dick.
Like, in canon she fought both of them as Robin (I think??? I’m pretty sure she was around for Dick’s Robin) and she’s one of the better Rogues in terms of motive and morals. She probably cared for both of them somewhat, so how do you think she (and the other semi-decent rogues) took it when Jason died?
Ah I see how it is, we’re unpacking the good questions now!!!
So at first Ivy probably didn’t notice. Let’s be real, she’s got better things to do then play “keeping up with the batfamily”, and yeah, sure, some of her plants have been getting agitated the more days went by without sightings of either Robin or his loyal shadow (either Batman or Talon/Nightwing), but eh, maybe they’re on vacation or something.
But then Batman is back on the streets and it’s BadTM. Even simple thugs need to be hospitalized, more than one comes close to actually dying (one even flatlines for a moment) and Ivy gets suspicious. Not enough to raise any alarms just yet, still, odd. And still no sight of Robin anywhere.
And then the Joker keeps being found. All over Gotham. Her plants her agitated, they keep whispering about the child-from-the-clocktower and the-one-who-is-cold. And even Ivy can’t keep turning a blind eye.
At first she checks in with Harley, but her girlfriend she doesn’t have any insight either having just returned from a mission with the Birds of Prey (timeline? What timeline). So, dead end. And Crane is a no-go because the Bat hospitalized him with way too many broken bones just the other day.
Two-face it is, but Harvey (both sides of him) are equally as disturbed by the Bat’s sudden volatility as Ivy and he is now on board with trying to find out just what made the Bat snap.
(At this point she’s having a veeery bad feeling about this. Especially because even weeks later Robin is still suspiciously absent from the streets, and there are only whispers of Talon/Nightwing and even her plants can’t seem to pin down either of them.)
Next up is the Riddler, who is already neck-deep into investigation (because how dare Batman not appreciate all his carefully laid riddles and instead punch in faces of low time criminals! And also he may be a teeny-tiny bit worried about the sassy sidekick but SUE him, the kid grows on you like a particularly stubborn case of the pocks ok!?) and immediately agrees to a temporary ceasefire.
So now we have part of the rogue gallery joining forces to find out just wtf is going on, and their next bet is the elusive Catwoman.
And let’s say Selina doesn’t know who Batman is but she’s got soft spot for the big burry anyway so she’s CONCERNED ok? It doesn’t take much persuasion to join forces with the rest of the rag-tag group of high profile rogues to figure this out, and her next proposition is this: grill the Penguin for information.
Oswald Cobblepot is SO not prepared for the joint forces of Catwoman, Two-Face, Riddler, Harley, and Ivy and before long he’s telling them what little he knows about the Joker and his excursion to Ethiopia.
And they all just kinda— freeze. Because— what? No, Robin can’t be dead. Robin is magic. That spunky little kid who’d throw pebbles at Riddler, the one who’d always try to pick-pocket Catwoman, the one urging Harley to leave-the-Joker-he’s-an-ass, the one who always drives Harvey insane with his prime numbers, the one who’d stalked all the way into Robinson park just to ask Ivy how to save the little potted plant he’d been gifted—-
No, no he can’t be dead… right?
But he is. And the talon who’d always kept him safe? That one is gone, too. Nobody knows where he went, but Batman is unspooling, and unspooling fast. And the rogues… well, for once they keep quiet. they don’t give Batman any additional grief (god knows he’s got enough) and instead now make it a point to keep kids out of their business in silent solidarity.
From that day forward any and all people who try to associate themselves with the Joker get taken down by them with extreme prejudice. You think Batman is bad? Try spouting some Joker loving bullshit in front of Ivy. She doesn’t even have to ask her plants to gut you and hang you from the carousel at amusement mile like a Christmas ornament. And god forbid you say anything negative about Robin.
#listening to Batman audio adventures really made me appreciate Harvey#and also Catwoman#and also riddler he’s hilarious#but I have a SOFT SPOT for Ivy#always#the rogues loved Robin in their own way#at least some of them#they also hated his guts#but still#that was THEIR Robin#how dare joker take him away#and where is the talon?#owl song#ghost talks#jason todd#batfamily#dick grayson#bruce wayne#robin
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Black Cat AU
Catwoman hears something on the roof of her condo so she goes up to investigate. She did not expect a teenage boy in a black skintight catsuit to hop up from the ledge and kneel down before putting pouches of jewels and coins in front of her.
She was about to speak, primarily to ask wtf was happening when another much smaller figure of a girl struggled to get over the ledge and onto the roof. The boy looked like he wanted to help, but instead waited for the girl to make it on her own. The girl looked nine. And was she only wearing cat ears and a blindfold to hide her identity? Adorable.
They introduced themselves as Black Cat and Alley Cat respectively before the girl announced that they were reverse adopting her and that they were her new kids.
Black Cat facepalmed as Catwoman laughed, she loved them already.
Damian has the opposite opinion of the duo upon first meeting when both he and Red Robin got so thoroughly humiliated and caught in thier own restraints. The cats proceeded to taunt the birds before kissing both the birds cheeks, leaving lipstick stains that they had to spend an hour scrubbing off.
The cats make extra sure to not use thier powers unless they're cornered and even then they're sneaky about it. They don't want anyone to think they're metas and they sure don't want anyone to know about the "Ghost" thing
Danny is LIVING for the amount of bad luck and cat puns he can make, plus he can add death puns on top of them
(Remember this au because you're going to be seeing a lot of it. Also I know Marvel has a character named Black Cat. Don't @ me about it)
#black cat#danny phantom#prompts#fanfiction prompts#dp x dc#catwoman#yes danny wears lipstick in this au#hes bi and likes to leave lipstick stains on people#dani copies him#tim needs sleep#danny is having so much fun as Black Cat#black cat au
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hi!! i hope you don’t mind me asking this but i recently read harleen (specifically issue 1) and wondered if you might know of any other comics that have an outsider perspective of batjokes? thanks !!
I don't mind at all, anon! I also enjoy in-universe outside perspectives on Batman and Joker's relationship (and I've included quite a bit of it in fic). Harleen #1 does have a pretty great one:
The most common commentary on Batman and Joker from other characters is the ol' "why haven't you killed him yet?!" but that reflects more frustration than any inkling of the connection between Gotham's most famous nemeses. So with the help of @distort-opia, I wrangled panels from a couple dozen comics that show characters having a better (even if incomplete) understanding of what the heck is going on there.
Many of these may already be familiar if you've been around batjokes fandom long enough. Regardless, spoilers abound!
I've ordered these (mostly) in cover date order.
June 1996 - The Batman Chronicles #5
This is a flashback that takes place shortly after The Killing Joke. Barbara is understandably bitter about being fridged, and it's clear that officers who saw Batman and Joker laughing together have spread the word, because heyyyyy wtf?
October 1996 - Catwoman (1993) #38
Selina knows releasing other rogues is a good distraction; Batman is always more concerned about Joker than her.
May 1997 - Batman: Batgirl
Before this, Joker was firing his gun willy-nilly, hitting his own men, and he hit Batman accidentally. Barbara doesn't seem to think he fully understands the consequences of killing Batman, especially given the surprise he shows when Batman goes down.
Five years later, this story gets retold (with a worse rendition of Joker's fantastic oufit):
July 2002 - DC First: Batgirl/Joker
In this version, Barbara more actively realizes she needs to get at Joker by laughing at him, because he's caught up in a reality where Batman is the only other real person. (Not sure if this is the first comic to posit that idea, but it has shown up elsewhere.)
February 1999 - Catwoman (1993) #65
Joker has been terrorizing Catwoman for Batman-related reasons for a few issues, and she knows that saying she's killed Batman will devastate him. (You know, the more stories like this I see, the more I see Tom King actually didn't have too far a walk to jokerize Selina.)
August 2001 - Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight (1989) #144
Alfred has noticed that Joker's presence affects Bruce's behavior.
September 2003 - Batman: Gotham Knights #43
This take from Barbara is set before TKJ and meant to foreshadow (aftershadow?) it. Here she shows a better understanding of Batman and Joker's relationship than Bruce does.
October 2003 - Outsiders (2003) #3
Luthor knows just how to get under Joker's skin.
March 2011 - Streets of Gotham #19
Hush also knows how to get under Joker's skin.
March 2011 - Gotham City Sirens #19
Selina and Harley are thinking more about themselves here, but it's not hard to connect the dots. Joker is part of the criminal morass that Bruce is focused on fighting, and Joker's focus is constantly on how to best the Batman.
November 2011 - Batman: Noël
Bruce has been told that Catwoman has information about the Joker's whereabouts. Note that Selina isn't saying she's aware that Joker is up to something right now; she implies that Batman is always thinking about Joker. It's a fact she can bank on.
May 2013 - Injustice: Gods Among Us #4 (digital release #11)
Perhaps the most infamous example. This is related to the "why won't you kill him?" trope, but Clark's accusation takes it further by directly saying it's because Bruce loves fighting Joker more than he loves his friends and family.
Clark says something similar about Joker being Bruce's playmate in another comic:
August 2014 - Adventures of Superman (2013) #14 (digital release #41
Even outside of the Injustice universe, Clark knows Bruce's priorities are out of whack when it comes to Joker.
January 2013 - Catwoman (2011) #14
Selina just stating the obvious here, again after a now-faceless Joker has tormented her for Batman-related reasons for a couple issues.
April 2016 - Batman (2011) #49
Heartbreaking example from Alfred here. He watched Bruce's obsessiveness and understood that Bruce, consciously or subconsciously, saw dying with Joker as his destiny. He probably suspects that Joker didn't really die either and knows they're going to end up back on the same track.
April 2016 - Batman: Europa #4
These panels sum up Europa. Bane, always looking for fresh ways to break the Bat, saw Joker as a clear catalyst (even if he had to make up a convoluted plot to make Batman see it first).
January 2017 - All-Star Batman #4 (backer)
Duke is pretty much repeating Bruce's soliloquy from Death of the Family here, so he's not saying anything Bruce doesn't really know, but he doesn't know that Bruce knows. lol Interestingly, this happens before Dark Days: The Casting, in which Duke watches Joker demonstrate his love in a more positive way by trying to stop Bruce from blundering into everything that happens in Dark Nights: Metal and beyond.
January 2018 - Batman: White Knight #2
White Knight is problematic from a batjokes standpoint (and other standpoints!) but poor Harley presents another infamous outsider perspective here.
October 2018 - Harley/Gossamer Special
She's right and right to say it!
August 2020 - Birds of Prey (2020)
This take is interesting in how it posits that Joker already felt unfulfilled by Batman by the time he met Harley and that she was kind of a rebound.
August 2020 - The Joker 80th Anniversary 100-Page Super Spectacular
This is from "The Last Smile," in which Harley reveals Joker's recurring nightmare about Batman mocking him as he's put to death. Joker didn't picture Harley appearing to save him, but perhaps he felt like Batman's respect was "saving" him all the long.
September 2020 - Batgirl (2016) #47
Nooooo! That's the thing he's sensitive about!
April 2021 - Batman/Catwoman #3
I have… a lot of thoughts about Batman/Catwoman, few positive, but if you can push past the muddling storytelling technique (and the batcat if that's not your thing), Selina has a lot to say about Bruce and Joker's relationship, like in this and the following example.
May 2021 - Batman/Catwoman #4
Catwoman describes how Batman treats all his rogues and then equates that with how he treats his lovers. How much do you know, Selina? Who is Joker's main competition?? It's Harvey, isn't it?!
May 2022 - Detective Comics (2016) #1058 (backer)
Even newbie F-level antagonists like The Forgotten know what's up!
Well, that was a lengthy but surely not exhaustive account of what other DC characters think about the vibes between the Dark Knight and Clown Prince of Crime. (May they be bewildered for years to come!) I hope you spotted some comics that caught your interest, anon.
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#onlyingotham so apparently the devil robin has seen me with my cats and decided that I'm a good cat mum. How do I know this? Well, this morning I woke up to a pet carrier with a cat inside and a note informing me that he had been ordered to "return that damn cat where you got it" but shes a stray and catwoman is mad at him atm.
#wtf #ionlymovedfromenglandlastmonth #imnotevenfullyunpacked #howamisupposedtointroducethecats #fml
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📲 ⇢ 𝕓𝕠𝕫𝕠𝕤 𝕚𝕟 𝕔𝕣𝕚𝕞𝕖
cate: uuhh, you really know me, shots are my serotonin. yes, and thank you, i told you that putting edith in bed was mission imposible because she thinks she is an adult. i am still processing all the things that happened, i am still reminding jules that laura should never be cheated or abandoned, why? why someone would do that? then she gave me a look and understood, i did something close to that some decades ago. but i hope my lady gets another emmy for this character, she loves laura and she puts all her heart on it. i also had forgotten your ex is on the show... what a night, uh?! are you sure you'd like to do the viewing party every week? okay, okay! now you're part of my wives! but if jessica slaps me, i will be grateful at first but then i will be terrified but i am gonna risk everything for you. oh! why is she getting the first lap dance? i am the bride! i should be the first!
sarah: except these's shots will be taken through one of those silly straw glasses 🤓 you're welcome. i told her to share, if that helps. oh man, when plot lines start hitting home, it's always odd. but ahem, you're still allowed remain passioante about that cause, cause i'm ALSO wondering the same thing. just glad i didn't make a / total / full outta myself, cause i will be stealing laura's style this season. ummm that bathroom scene ? julianna's taking home an emmy for that eye acting, cause wtf. 😬 is it bad i also forgot ? i'm blaming your fiancée’s strong ass wine. are YOU sure ? it's me who'll be invading. lady, there'll be no slaps, jess know's the exceptions but she also know's you and i are goof's, so there's worse choas we'd cause besides a possible look from jess from calling me your wife. fair warning, it's a very hot stare. but im bias. to convince her to come ? sounds dirty. BUT OKAY. first lap dance from catwoman stipper's all yours 🐱
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Not as much as I could, but this is a slow burn...
Master Research Link
What I’ve learned...
Ugh... #31 really makes me not want to live in Townsville. So easy to blame the girls despite the obviousness that they never did those things. It is nice to see Mojo go Trick or Treating with the girls though. #32: Welp, Catwoman would steal the pants off of everyone if she was in Townsville. Meanwhile this Cat Burglar got a crush on Professor. Honestly, she’s probably the most non-Powerpuff Female to have a good development other than Keene.
So Mojo made a mini him in #33. But the real highlight was the Fuzzy/Mojo feud. There was comic exclusive villains like Spelling Bee (whose entire gimmick is she spells what she wants done) and Frog Master (whose reason for being a villain is he’s crazy) HIM basically had all of Townsville under his control in 36. And Sedusa finally does something in that same issue with Mind Controlling Lipstick. Though the Bikini Sisters in the Reboot do this better. For starters, it doesn’t wash off.
Remember Ace being a member of the Gorillaz for a hot minute? Turns out in #37, he was part of a boy band with the rest of the Gangreen Gang. 4evRGreen. And in the second story, HIM creates a music band so popular, even the girls love their music. A big weakness of the original series is that for a good number of times, they seem to act like one person. Like this issue, they ALL like the Slayhems. Even Blossom and Bubbles who you would think are not into Horror Metal.
Issue 38 has them idolizing a TV Superhero. It is cute to see Buttercup being too nervous to talk to them. I know that feeling. But when a real monster shows up, they are Marks and think Tess could handle it. Tess, meanwhile, does nothing to suggest she believes she’s real. She’s a celebrity playing a character and playing the role while signing autographs. She does not deserve this.
So Issue 41 has Buttercup obsessed with Garlic. Like super obsessed. It also has a Giant Monster capable of absorbing people. When it does the Powerpuff girls, it has all their powers, but also their quirks. Issue 44 promises the Talking Dog fighting the Talking Cat from that one episode. It better live up to that promise. Dog Chunks... Now with more dogs... DUDE! WTF!!! And the fight lasts for at most 2 pages.
Best Feat I found...
From Issue 34: The Monkey’s Paw (or Tragic Marker). A weapon so powerful it can rearrange the atomic structure of an object to something else all by spelling it. That is frikkin impressive!
Next Time...
If all goes well, all the DC Comics would be done.
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Hi. I just wanted to say it means a lot to find someone else in the DC fandom who is aware and appreciative of the undervalued Obscurbo Kitrina Falcone, when even the canon that created her refuses to acknowledge her existence. I’m in the middle of writing a fanfic all about her (a 5+1 things), so it’s heartening to know I’m not alone, you know? She has so much potential and she deserves love!
SHE DOES! SHE DOES HAVE SO MUCH POTENTIAL!
It really feels like DC tried to make the catgirl version of Tim Drake (person born into wealth tries to do good by teaming up with their idol behind their parents back) but then DC realized that this meant they had to give Selina actual character development and scrapped it before fans could latch on onto Kirtina.
AND THIS HAPPENS EVERY TIME. She was trained by both the armless master and Wildcat but the former was only mentioned after he was killed (Selina never even found out about the details and she actually liked him, wtf) while the latter was her love interest even though they met she was a teen and he was at least in his late twenties (ew).
There was also the time she looked after a girl named Arizona but she left the story after three issues. She had a butler that appeared for less than ten. She was named a right hand of a Dojo but none of the students ever bothered to talk to her. She even one time had a baby but had to give her up because "she couldn't be mother and Catwoman at the same" and YES, I am still fucking furious about that.
And do I even need to mention what happened to her Sisters, Maggie and Holly?
Every time Selina takes one step towards a healthy familiar relationship, DC writers pull the rug from underneath her and then tries to play it off as "she was never meant for anything serious, anyway" since we can never have nice things.
Anyway, I'm so happy to hear about the fic. I'll bookmark it if you ever upload it to AO3. I'm always here for more Catgirls.
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I really want to know wtf Zdarsky' thesis was for this alternate gotham thing, because it is so painfully lacking in cohesion that I cannot imagine what the thought process was. There is no sense that any of these characters were meaningfully changed from their other world selves, meaning they both dont add anything new to the old repetoire and dont mirror it in any way that comments on them either.
This Bruce was a social worker and not a vigilante, but then he "died." Yes, and??
Joker never became Joker and hes a rich philanthropist here. To what effect???
Catwoman isnt catwoman but she can still.fight and has a whip. So what?????
Dent isnt two face and hes a judge instead of da but also a cop(?) And hes jacked up on venom...
Riddler is still riddler but red not green...
Alfred not dead...
Okay, whatever. But fucking WHY, Chip?? What does any of this actually do for the story?? What does any of this mean for who these characters are? Im not asking for a bunch of in depth character studies but if neither the differences nor similarities are meaningful then why the fuck did you choose to include any of these characters???????
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selina's trauma wasn't respected...wtf is that anon talking about the batman is like the only content outside of catwoman comics that's even bothered to engage with her trauma 😭
yeah, honestly, you have a point there! and the fact that reeves did that even though the batman is very much bruce's story is deeply pleasing to me. it's what she deserves <3
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Watching The Batman and it’s so much worse than I expected here’s my notes
- my god battinson is so fucking emo like at this point he’s just trying too hard
- this movie is trying (and failing) to be Daredevil (2015)
- in that same vein matt Murdock would kick battinson’s ass in maybe 23 seconds? And that’s just because of the armor
- yoooo lesbians??? Catwoman lesbian??? We give points for lesbians
- CAT ANOTHER CAT THERE ARE SO MANY CATS
- ok she’s catwoman I guess that makes sense
- Soundtrack kinda sucks ass this may be because I’m watching it on an airplane
- Riddler kinda seems like he’s into Batman because y you leaving love notes everywhere
- This isn’t specific to this movie but ever since I watched daredevil the fact that you can see Batman’s eyes makes him look like a total nerd
- Lmaoooooo the riddler is such a fucking nerd look at those glasses
- Also he’s a total simp like you really killed 2 people just so you could talk to your crush huh
- Ayo battinson was literally right next to that fkn bomb and you’re telling me this man has no burns
- I think jim the detective x battinson is an excellent ship
- Ok I have evidence now: “I only trust you”
- I’m sorry but drops is such a stupid name and idea for a drug
- Battinson kinda got road rage
- The car chase dumb af
- Interrogation scene is very cringe they didn’t even punch him once like that’s so much more effective
- HIS NEXT VICTIM IS BRUCE WAYNE THATS SO FUNNY WTF
- Alfred kind of a dumbass cuz why you open a package meant for someone else
- Now why the hell battinson using spray paint to make a bubble diagram
I did not get further than this because my flight landed and I have better things to do with my actual time. In conclusion this movie was so bad it was funny and would be a great parody movie but I don’t think it was intended as such
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wtf, catwoman in the batman's new movie has only 6 cats. and in the end of the movie she is taking only 1 with her, where are the other 5 cats? and c'mon, only 6? even I have more cats than that.
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I just saw a post about it and rather than go in the tags or tag on, I have two complaints about The Batman. The first is that based on her age when her mom died and the fact that we see her mom's grave indicating she died in 2007, Catwoman would've been like, 21, at the oldest, and I'm sorry to say that Zoe Kravitz looked every bit of her 33 years in that movie. Catwoman would've been a much more understandable and dynamic character if she was played by someone who was Also Baby and didn't know wtf she was doing.
My other complaint is that this movie was obviously written by people with approximately 0 experience in online spaces. 500 followers is nothing. Nothing! That's like "and the void glanced briefly back in your direction while you screamed into it" level. They couldn't make it a bigger number without having old people being like "50,000 followers??? No way!!!" or having the militia that showed up being a lot bigger, but it just. 500 followers? Really? Did he do a giveaway once or something?
#the batman#movies#movies: the batman#i also appreciate that the riddlers plan actually. worked? and it wasnt even that hard???? like he just glanced at some city plans#and went hm. seems exploitable#and then he did!
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The Terror Shipping Nonsensical Babbling - Jopson edition
first of all full disclosure while i am happy to ship this cat with anyone and everyone in this show (except, y’know) Jopson is my designated character per media i get to claim for the aroaces so technically in my world it’s canon that he’s just married to being the best steward on the planet like someone back home will be like “So have you ever thought of marriage?” and he’ll be like “No i’m good” “But Don’t You Want A Wife?” “Nah” “A Lover???” “Wouldn’t have time” “what” *rolls out to-do list* “Okay first of all you need Jesus but second of all-”
BUT HYPOTHETICALLY
there’s exactly one of two ways a Jopship could go
1. This is a guy who needs a PROJECT okay this man is a mama duck in the body of a cursed victorian 20-something if he isn’t actively caring for and nurturing something 24/7 he fades into the ether like if he doesn’t have an object of ceaseless loyalty and devotion you HAVE to give him like, an egg or something to take care of until that situation is rectified. Which means ideal candidates will be the poor little meow meows of life the pathetic soggy waffles of men (if women were an option in The Terror he’d go for like, an ex-maid turned weird victorian vigilante she totally killed her last three bosses and probably lives in a trashcan he would love her) okay he needs somebody he can take care of and hype up and enable i mean
2. ALTERNATIVELY and he would HATE this option initially he should be with someone who will be like “Wow, damn, he does everything. I better step it UP” and pulls an uno reverse on him and shows the same level of care and dedication and he’s like “wtf is THIS? NO??? That’s my job!” if he isn’t furious and wriggling like the cat in the pepe le pew cartoons they’re not doing it right. Unfortunately Jopson is tall so ideal candidates for this scenario are absolutely lacking but even shorties can make it work if they’re determined. Get somebody who will either out-soft him by sheer goodness of nature or who will run on spite and red bull and take it as a personal challenge to be as gentle and loving as possible and create a continual cycle of one-upping each other like that
THE CANDIDATES THEN
Luckily for us almost the entire cast of The Terror falls into one or the other of those two categories. So does Catwoman. So,
1. Catwoman - I was joking at first but actually i can see it. It could work. 19th Century Catwoman would be a weirdly ideal candidate. I hate myself
2. I won’t lie the Jopzier shippers know a category 1 when they see it. It ain’t my favorite but i also can’t argue with them
3. Lieutenant Nedward Little is unique in that he fits both categories like, on the one hand we’d get Jopson going “Oh my god I have to fix him,,,,” and trying to kind of lowkey hype him up, especially to Crozier, being like “that’s an interesting point lieutenant the captain would like to hear that he’s actually v fond of u u know” and Little would be like, you know, in tears by this point going “man i gotta step the hell up and be a damn good man” and then he wouldn’t but it’d be a solid effort and Jopson would appreciate it except for the times when Little’s on him to take a break or smthn. They definitely argue a lot but they’re a pretty cute option.
4. Lieutenant Irving is actually also a fit for both categories so Lieutenant Nedward once again knows the sting of not being special, that’s awful. Anyway, Irving is a flaming dumpster fire of a gay man, it’s downright tragic, Jopson would feel compelled to intervene. He’d sit through so many crisis of religion conversations and be so nice about it while also fully calling Irving out on his stupidass opinion so after a certain point Irving would actually be working on himself and would be like “wow I should do something nice” and would do a hard swerve in the opposite direction so he goes from Gay And Angry About It to like, Aggressively Bumbling Yet Well-Meaning Boyfriend like after a certain point Jopson would legitimately have to be like “please let me do what’s left of my job it’s all i have, also we have to improve your sewing” it’s a potentially cute option, they get into little tiffs too but at the end of the day they’re also in fact having an ongoing competition as to who can be the sweetest softest most gentle yet semi-feral bf
5. Henry FOSTER Collins oh my god it’s another category 12 HE STARTS OUT as a 1 like Jopson’s like “This man is on DRUGS?????” and drags him to Dr. Goodsir which starts a chain of events that saves all their lives but hear me out hear me out Collins is reminded that life is worth living and Collins is able to return to being the absolute soft semi-feral teddybear we all know and love he’s like “i will take care of you i will somehow bring flowers i will cuddle for warmth you don’t even have to ask i will build us a goddamn house i will punch tuunbaq in the face if it even looks at you what do you need what can i do for you” and Jopson is probably like “that’s very sweet but nO ACTUALLY” so he’s doing everything in his power to take care of Collins and make him feel loved but Collins is doing everything in his power to take care of Jopson and they’re both kind of stressed out but Collins is hug-shaped, and that is important. Jopson needs a hug that cracks his spine like a glow-stick it’d be so good for him, Collins is the man for the job. Collins also has rly big coat which is super important for purposes i’m sure you can discern
6. DOCTOR GOODSIR CATEGORY 2 codifier. Do y’all understand that if Goodsir falls in love with you you’re set for life? Like you literally never have to worry about anything ever again, that bear could be looking you dead in the eyes going “you’re next” and you’ll still die feeling safe and warm in the knowledge that Goodsir loves you SO GENTLY ngl Jopson would be horrified. He’d probably go through a bluescreen moment of just, “what is happening” just, straight up sheer confusion but eventually he’d be like “Oh. Alright” and would immediately make it his mission in life to be such a ray of sunshine that Goodsir would be like “I thought it was starting to be horrible here but Actually,,,” also it would be cute bc Goodsir would be like “You’re probably fluent in Inuktitut by now, you eavesdropped so much” cue playful argument over whether being in the room to serve tea and happening to be highly observant counts as eavesdropping
7. Ngl i don’t really see it aside from potentially bonding over a mutual appreciation for propriety and shampoo but on the other hand it’s the contrast between the man who will do amazing things to be seen and the one who’s willfully invisible but desperate to be seen by just one person it’s the fact that if Jopson ever caught on that Fitzjames is a Category 1 it’d be like “I Can Fix Him” senses ACTIVATE here comes Validation here comes Unconditional Love here comes Devotion Like You Never Seen Before those piercing slightly cursed knowing victorian eyes are locked on, man, Fitz would be shaking in his boots like Holy Shit and then Fitz would go Category 2 so fast the world would start spinning the other direction
8. Silna stop blocking me they would not get romantically involved per-say but at the end of all things Jop could be a suitable roaming the wild companion for her bc on the one hand he’s respectfully distant on the other hand he literally has to be ride or die in order to live, kind of like a shark if he stops he’ll die so he would absolutely give it 100% into helping her out however possible and she’d be like “If I Have To Be Stuck With A Haunted White Boy Who Isn’t That Doctor I Suppose This One Will Do. They’re not bf/gf, they are Partners. Silna would also clock Jopson as no less than 10% Unhinged and be like “Oh. Okay.” and occasionally side-eye him like *nods to herself* “Ghosts* and not elaborate
9. Hartnell - they would date for like one week bc Hartnell is a category 2 who’s just getting his Bi wings. They’re mutually v soft and adorable but after a certain point they’re both like “Oh okay turns out we’re actually just rly close friends” and it’s like the most peaceful breakup in the history of breakups
10. im including Hickey just to make the note that he is a 1 but even Jopson isn’t that good. He can’t fix that. No one can. It doesn’t even occur to Hickey to look at Jopson and go “I could make him worse” until it’s too late. A REAL contender would’ve figured out Jopson’s slightly insane well before the tent scene. If Hickey can’t figure it out before “I’ve shot smaller hawks than you” he can’t make Jopson worse, he wouldn’t even know where to start. Instead i’m proposing that they’re like, exes who never dated. They were never attracted to each other but Jopson went “I’ve shot smaller hawks than you” and Hickey went *EYES EMOJI* they have a beautiful arc of “strangers-to-can’t-be-in-the-same-room-without-trying-to-skin-each-other”
11. i’m serious about 19th-century catwoman tho
#the terror amc#PLEASE do not take this seriously i am literally just babbling bc i am bored and lonely let's be friends
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So... the Socks identity twist
#dc comics#catwoman#spoilers#dc spoilers#dc festival of heroes: the asian superhero celebration#I don’t wanna tag anything else because spoilers#but#wtf#they literally just slapped l***’s name on a OC#also she’s 13 and it’s happening at the same time damien is getting his solo 😐#I don’t think dc has come up with it yet#BUT#they’re super fucking predictable#and if anything happens between those two i might check out of dc for good i can’t cope#maybe it’s a twist?#like they didn’t technically name drop her#maybe a little cop out moment#a late April fools#L’s entire character is based off of having a awesome dad and complicated but loving mom#like#teen angst is a given but a street orphan?? that’s an oc#it’s literally more crack than MY fanfics like what’s happening dc
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