#and so it's easy to keep myself at a remove so i can easily remove myself when i feel i am work to be around

[swampgallows]

do you have advice on how to find a mask for someone who legit, for real has difficulty breathing through one? i get badly congested because of the build up of humidity/moisture (plus a deviated septum), so then i have to remove the mask to blow my nose every 10 seconds which obvi defeats the purpose. i've tried to do research but i'm having trouble finding answers to this specific query. since you seem knowledgeable i would really appreciate any pointers if you have them. thank you.

hi! first of all thank you so much for wanting to mask despite the difficulties. second, i want to mention that im not a science or medical-type person of any kind, just a high-risk civilian trying to stay alive through the ongoing pandemic.

with the widespread non-industrial use of respirators in dealing with covid, there are manufacturers that have been looking for more comfortable, casual options while still offering adequate filtration. however many of these kinds of masks are either quite expensive, perpetually hard to acquire/sold out, or aren't fully NIOSH-approved (or equivalent standard). so my recommendations will be for only NIOSH-approved headstrap N95s.

since you have a structural condition (deviated septum), finding a breathable mask that fits your face without agitating your sinuses is essential. you'll want to be sure it's large enough that it's not pinching or putting too much pressure on your nose bridge. some users in the Masks4All subreddit have said saline rinses and BreatheRight strips can alleviate congestion issues, along with the right kind of mask. exploring a variety of mask shapes may help you!

finding a well-fitting respirator is difficult because there is no "one size fits all", but the 3M Aura 9205+ comes close! it's available in many areas and fits a wide range of faces. this is the mask i use. the "tri-fold" shape allows me to talk or laugh without compromising the seal or brushing against my face, compared to a typical "cup" shape N95. they also come individually wrapped, so it's easy to keep one in your car or bag, or distribute to others.

according to many who are "still coviding", the most breathable masks are the "duckbill" shape like the Gerson 3230+. I personally haven't tried them myself as I'm put off by the shape, but many duckbill wearers say that they easily overcome this "flinch" once they feel how comfortable it is, and that it's their go-to mask for extended wear or strenuous activities like the gym.

a more standard shape said to be close to the comfort of the duckbill is the 3M 9105 VFlex. It still has a larger silhouette than the Aura, but the duckbill look is less pronounced. "bi-fold" mask shapes like the BNX N95 can also put less pressure on your nose and allow more breathing room while keeping a slimmer profile.

you can also try something like the Readimask, a strapless mask that adheres to your face with medical adhesive (think like a band-aid). these can be a little more expensive, but you can order a free sample pack for sizing purposes (free plus shipping, mine was only $5 in the US) and see if it works for you.

if you feel that the humidity/moisture is more of an issue than your septum, you may also want to look into valved masks, but be warned: masks with an exhaust valve only protect the wearer, and not the people around you. reserve these only for situations where you will be one-way masking. particles cannot enter through the valve, but particles you exhale exit into the ambient air. however, if you are in a situation where you find you are the only person masking and everyone else is breathing unfiltered air anyway, a mask with an exhaust valve is fine. reusable elastomeric respirators often have exhaust valves, but there are disposable versions too, like the 3M Aura 9211+ above.

"mask nerd" Aaron Collins has a full demonstration and overview of many of these masks in his most recent video. He also discusses earloop masks if you prefer those:

you can also view AccuMed's Mask Testing Data and sort by lowest to highest breathability (lower numbers indicate the pressure drop = better breathing). This doesn't have every mask on the market (for instance, it's missing the VFlex), but it does have many common brands/models. Aaron Collins also made his own spreadsheet of over 200 masks he fit-tested himself.

i hope this gives you a launchpad to find something that works for you!

#masking #still coviding #covid #covid is airborne #covid is not over #anon #ask #long post

[the-broken-truth]

Red Eyes [Part 1] - Platonic Yandere Miguel O'Hara w/ Male Spider Teen Reader

Summary: Hello, my name is [Name] [Surname]. I am known as the Crimson Spider from Earth-865. Peter B. Parker recruited me to join the Spider-Society where I was introduced to its leader, Miguel O'Hara. However, since the moment our eyes met, Miguel has developed a dangerous obsession with me. I am unsure if I can handle this situation or if I will end up like others who have been chased away by him.

[Spider-Society Headquarters]

I strolled down the hallway with my hands tucked into the pockets of my Spider-Man suit. Peter B. Parker, the older Spider-Man, guided me to the main hub of their headquarters. The leader of this operation was overseeing the containment of Anomalies and monitoring the Spiderverse, which Miles affectionately referred to as his preferred term over the Multiverse. I personally agree; the Multiverse sounds too mundane.

Oh, I'm getting ahead of myself, allow me to introduce myself: My name is [Name] [Surname], also known as the Crimson Spider of Earth-865; I was bitten by a radioactive spider on my 15th Birthday and y life was never the same again. Being the Crimson Spider was one of the best decisions I had ever made but it take a lot of my time. I try to be a good son to my parents and keep my grades up in school but the world needs saving and i'm going to do what I need to do to keep it safe. I met Peter B. Parker when a strange version of the Vulture came into my world when I was sure that the Vulture was still in prison. I managed to stop him when a portal opened up and another Spider-Man came out of the hole and introduced himself as Peter B. Parker and told me to follow him to come to a place where there were more people like me. I did, i had questions and I needed answers.

"Just a heads up, Miguel is a rather irritated person - he gets mad easily and it's easy to get on his bad side, just ask Miles and Gwen. Now, when we see him, just let me do all the talking." Peter said as he and I entered the main hub and I saw him - Miguel O'Hara - standing before a holographic tablet while watching a video of some kind before he pushed it away and turned to face Peter and me - the first thing I noticed about him was his Red Eyes - just like mine. That's right - I was born with Crimson Red Eyes, I got it from my father's father, who also had red eyes. I was rather popular at school because of my eyes; it's rare to see someone with red eyes.

"Did you catch the Anolmany?" Miguel asked Peter but his eyes were still glaring at me.

"Actually, this kid caught him; had him wrapped like a present by the time I got there." Peter said as he moved out of the way to gesture towards me, I waved at Miguel and he narrowed his eyes before he jumped down and landed right in front of me.

"Who are you?" Miguel asked.

"I'm the Crimson-Spider of Earth-865; at least, that's what Peter tells me." I said as I gestured towards Peter who nodded and smiled.

"You defeated the Anolmany? Interested. Take off your mask and show me your face and tell me your real name.; if you want to work here, I need to know who you really are." Miguel said, I looked over at Peter, who nodded and I looked at Miguel before removing my mask and looking at him with my red eyes; his eyes widened when he saw me.

"My name is [Name] [Surname]." I introduced myself.

"Your eyes...they're red." Miguel said.

"Yes, I got them from my Grandfather; surprisingly, his name is also Miguel." I smiled but Miguel just stood there, looking at my eyes before he turned and jumped back to his platform.

"Give him a bracelet, Peter; he's one of us now and he'll be going on missions with me from now on." Miguel said as he started working again. Peter smiled and gave me a bracelet that kept me from glitching but there was something about the way he said that I would be working with him from now on. Why was he so insistent that i work with him?

#spiderverse #yandere miguel o'hara #male reader #spider!reader #peter b parker #platonic yandere

[art-that-fucks-you-up-tournament]

SET ONE FINAL - ROUND FOUR

"Hubble Deep Field" (1996 - Hubble Space Telescope) / "Can’t Help Myself" (2016 - Sun Yuan & Peng Yu)

HUBBLE DEEP FIELD: This photo is kind of only incidentally art, but it is one of my favorite photographs ever. It is the visual byproduct of scientific and technological advancement. Honestly, its not even the most visually impressive Hubble (or other deep space telescope) photo. But I don't think there is anything else in the entire world which can so clearly and deeply impart the existential, incomprehensible vastness of the universe. * This photo represents a section of the night sky with "nothing" in it. There are no stars and it is outside of the plane of the Milky Way. From our view on Earth, it is less than a square inch across. Before this image, we knew of other galaxies, and their abundance was absolutely hypothesized, but no one really knew what to expect when examining such a small, seemingly empty part of the night sky. This is what they found. A tiny fraction of the night sky revealed to be teeming with thousands of galaxies, light reaching us from billions of lightyears away. To extrapolate and imagine that the entirety of the night sky is full of this, a vast blanket hidden behind our local stars. At the time, hundreds of billions of galaxies were estimated to exist. Today that estimation has risen to 2 trillion. 2 trillion potential Milky Ways. 2 trillion of the 100 billion stars that exist in our galaxy, there ever growing and evolving and expanding. I look at this image and just feel so utterly and completely small. How can you look at this and not feel atomic. There is so much of everything, and even still there is darkness, space, filled with so much light and possibilities. It represents both our loneliness as a planet, our isolation, and our connection to the universe, that there is no way we are alone, that we keep reaching out and trying to learn and understand our existence. (if you are interested in some more of the science of this, I'd recommend this Forbes article. I think its a good summary of the history and science, and provides a lot of jumping off points for further research) *disclaimer - there are and continue to be images taken with the same and improved techniques to explore space outside of the galaxy. This was, to the best of my knowledge, the first long exposure of dark space. (travelingsmithy)

CAN'T HELP MYSELF: easily one of the installment pieces of all fucking time. the way that the robot originally began as a smooth, precise sort of machine, efficient and quick, but slowly decomposed into jerkier and messier movements because of its own inability to "help itself" since it needs to clean all of its spill or it can't stop is so so visceral and kind of makes me want to tear my hair out. the way the artists capture human movement and desperation in the robot is incredible. to me it kind of appeals to a sick human desire to watch something outside of ourselves suffer, but also the human ability to connect with anything, even a machine. it's so easy to see ourselves in something mechanical!! we are looking for ourselves in everything!!! that's so fucked up and cool!!! (fromjannah)

(The Hubble Space Telescope took this photo in 1996, and it was the first picture ever taken of deep space. "Hubble Deep Field" was originally imaged by the Wide Field and Planetary Camera 2, a camera initially installed upon the Hubble Telescope

"Can't Help Myself" is a Kuka industrial robot made of stainless steel and rubber mopping up cellulose ether in coloured water made by two Chinese artists, Sun Yuan & Peng Yu. This installation was displayed in Solomon R. Guggenheim Museum, New York but was removed from display.)

#art that fucks you up tournament #polls #atfyu polls #id in alt text

[alciedoodles]

hi!! i saw your other post about how you simplify details and it was really helpful - was wondering if you had any tips abt drawing expressions/poses to express a story/emotions. like i saw your recent sumeru char doodles on twt and the way you draw alhaitham and hungover kaveh is so!!! ahh!! all of the lines feel really intentional, from the expressions to the fabric of the clothing and omg i love it so much. anyways sorry for rambling HAHA thank you sm for sharing your art! gl w art school 💪

Hello!

Thank you so much for the lovely words <3 it's really such a honor to hear that so many people consider my art to be very expressive, which I think is an essential skill to have for storytelling in comics!

First of all, I'd like to say this isn't something I can easily answer... you must already know there's no easy step-by-step guide on how to be "good" at art or expressions or whichever aspect you're trying to improve, the answer will always be observation and practice. However, I can tell you some of my methods I use to make sure emotions are conveyed as efficiently as possible(?). Here are the key points I always try to apply (note that these aren't rules, these are just my guiding points):

Understanding the character(s), the context, and how the two work together

Laying down a foundation

Not letting dialogue be the main driving force behind storytelling

Paneling conveys emotion too, actually

The absence of something can also convey emotion

You didn't specifically ask about comics, but since it's my favorite subject and it ties into your question, I'll be using a lot of examples from the comics I made! And it might interest other people who were curious?

VERY long post ahead :)

1. Understanding the character(s), the context, and how the two work together

This is what I think is the most fundamental part of storytelling! I mean, makes sense, right? Obviously you don't need a PhD in The Character to make stories based off them. I literally cannot tell you every detail about my favorite characters despite loving them very much, but I think understanding them and their relationships on a big-picture level is primordial. What drives them, what are their principles, what are their biggest fears, who do they make exceptions for, etc. Also, to me, understanding their relationships is sometimes more important than understanding the character at a molecular level. We can tell so much about someone just from the way they interact with specific people vs how they interact with strangers. The person I am online isn't the same I am with friends nor even with family-- like one of the reasons some characters can feel one-dimensional is because they don't show variation in their character throughout their relationships (and since you mentioned Kaveh and Alhaitham, I don't need to tell you the way both of them interact with each other is far removed from the way they interact with friends, strangers, etc... I think a lot of people forget who they are outside of their relationship, which a huge point of contention behind mischaracterization in fan works). I don't have much to say about this other than this is something I keep in mind every step of the way through.

2. Laying down a foundation

This is what the majority of my comics look like on second draft:

I said second because the first drafts usually look like this, which are barely comprehensible to anyone but myself:

The purpose of these are not only to give me a better guide for posing than whatever i did on the first draft (storyboard), but also have a first pass at motion and emotion. The expressions and gestures are legible enough that you can probably glean the emotions of each character based off the little sketches. Ultimately, some of the things I'll draft will end up adjusted, changed, expanded on or even removed.

This particular panel of Reigen is a favorite of mine, because the first pass already shows his confusion, but the final one is even more distorted because it felt like it needed to be even more accentuated.

This panel where he mansplains is also a good example, because the first pass gave him too much of an arrogant/uninterested look (notable with his upturned face), whereas Reigen is more likely to take pride in explaining something he knows to make himself look like a wise and mature figure (notable with his slight smirk and downturned face, as if nodding to himself; the hand is also slightly more forward as if inviting rather than dismissing). And since I basically made an example of it above: body language is super important! This applies for everyone. It doesn't stop at characters who make grand gestures and exaggerated poses every waking moment of their life, but also characters who are socially awkward, private, reclusive...

The posing here is intentionally stiff but not entirely closed off, giving the sense that he's earnest, tries his best to make connections , but also doesn't want to take too much space, thinking the smallest wrong move could cause trouble. Also, give room for the body to do its thing. Avoid cropping out things that shouldn't be cropped out. Leave enough room between the edges of the panel and the point of focus to emphasize what you want to emphasize. Close-up shots shouldn't be too frequent (in fact, personally I don't like doing close-up shots but it doesn't mean they're bad or shouldn't be done, again, my word isn't gospel!), especially if what you're conveying isn't too emotionally charged. Lastly, I have terrible news for people who hate drawing hands. Hands are possibly the second most expressive part of our body (if we don't count the body as a whole), so especially for your charismatic characters, you will very often want to use hands as a tool of expression.

(Think how much emotion and personality would be lost if the hands weren't there!)

3. Not letting dialogue be the main driving force behind storytelling

With my comics, I play an incredibly dangerous game called "I'll think of dialogue as I make the storyboard and then when I'm done drawing every page I'll write the dialogue over it guided solely by memory and whatever I drew". Don't do this. Have a script in hand or write it at the same time as you draft your storyboard. The reason I do this is because I'm lazy and I don't want to open a simple writing software to type down a script. Genuinely I have no other reasons. Anyway, the only advantage this gives to my comics is that they will generally be able to stand on their own without much dialogue; obviously dialogue is essential, but what I mean is that we don't need it to have a pretty accurate read on the room.

For example, if I remove all the dialogue from this page, you probably can't guess exactly what's being discussed. However, you can identify through their emotions alone that there is disbelief, bargaining, and finally a pretty devastating info was dropped. Alternatively, cutting down dialogue from your page and leaving room to expressions/body language alone can be entirely more beneficial than having any dialogue to begin with.

AKA Readers aren't stupid (some may be, but the majority can extrapolate just fine). You'll realize how much you don't need words and how your stories can be even more funny/impactful by pushing forward visual storytelling.

4. Paneling conveys emotion too, actually

Being a "good" artist isn't enough to make good comics. The way you panel things is extremely important, because it sets the tone, mood, pace, you name it. Some of the best works out there are the ones with the most care put into the flow of the comic. You need to understand how people will read it, and it starts with what order you deliver the information and how. This is paneling 101, but a page with irregularly shaped panels, multiple changing camera angles and such will be exponentially more dynamic than a page where each panel is the same size, have similar compositions and/or repetitions with little to no diagonal or curved lines of action.

The two examples above are WIPs from 2 different stories so unfortunately you'll have to make do with the rough sketches. That being said, you don't need to know the context of either pages to know the kind of emotion that should be felt through the paneling alone. Give time for the important emotions to be processed by the reader (unless it's intentionally fast-paced). Every emotion that needs to be emphasized should have its own panel.

In this example, I could easily have condensed these two panels into one by transferring the dialogue from the second into the first and jumping on to the next action. However, it would undeniably give much less impact to Kaveh's disbelief. On an inverse situation, sometimes you will want to condense two panels you made into one, because whatever those two panels are doing are perhaps not important enough to deserve separate panels! Lastly, you can notice that the space on the page is not always filled. Leaving space between each panel and/or between the edges of the page gives room for the reader to breathe and slows down the flow; and inversely, if you want to make the situation more frantic, make everything look more tight and constricted.

5. Not showing facial expressions sometimes conveys more emotion than doing so

This ties nicely to the point I made about body language. You don't need to see a character's face to know what they're going through, necessarily. Sometimes, their posture or their dialogue is enough. In my opinion, a story is more compelling when this equilibrium of facial expressions / body language / paneling / dialogue is correctly adjusted-- you will not need to have all the elements to convey the message or it could be a little overbearing. I don't have many examples for this one because they tend to be more relevant in dramatic scenarios, which I haven't done that many of.

(The first one is once again from a WIP)

And that's about it for my insane guide on comic-ing. I hope ANY of it made sense.

***

Here's a round up of extra tips, focused entirely on the drawing part which might be more of what you asked to begin with :'D

- That little line/wrinkle that adds so much character

Yall know what I'm talking about. In my opinion, too many artists are afraid of giving laugh lines/wrinkles because it makes their characters look older, except when it's to add those sexy sexy eyebags. I'm encouraging everyone to add them to their art little by little and see how much it can improve the expressiveness! Obviously, I don't use it everywhere, but it's a very effective way to make your expressions feel even more... well. expressive.

- Line of action

You've probably seen this picture going around before, from Preston Blair:

Although it's called line of action which implies action, this line is important even when the character isn't really in action.

You can gain a lot in expressiveness when you think of the body as one whole fluid instead of a sum of multiple disjointed parts. This is why drawing a very rough base comprised of only lines and circles can help figure out if the posing works before you start refining it.

On a different note, animation principles work very much in comics as well! I recommend looking up animation guides especially those that show how to make key poses.

- Shadows and/or color fill

This is one I will use quite often for different situations.

Shadows can immediately set a tone when they're used dramatically. For example, a shadow over a character's face can convey unease and/or evil intent.

On the other hand, I will use color fills for different purposes:

Differentiating ground layers

This can help with readability.

2. Conveying a certain mood

It can separate the character from the color of their background to give a sense of isolation, reflection, realization, being disconnected from their surroundings, etc...

- Don't be scared of using codes / tropes / archetypes

...As long as it benefits the narrative, of course. By codes / tropes / archetypes, I mean posing or expressions or visual effects that are universally understood and used for specific expressions. The semicircle sweatdrops and blush made with slashes are incredibly typical of manga/anime, but it doesn't mean they're bad! Visual effects are there to help remove the ambiguity of an expression considering a single expression without visual codes could convey multiple emotions!

- Find what inspires you and take notes!!!

In my case, what greatly shaped my art style to what it currently is: One Piece, the Ace Attorney series and Mob Psycho 100 (yes, I only watched the latter last year but it still managed to become a source of improvement/inspiration for my art even at my current level, because you'll never stop improving :) )

I hope this wasn't too long or too off-topic, and I hope it can also help other people who might be interested! Thank you for reading!

#oh my goddddddd this is long im sorry #i kept adding onto it as i got new ideas #art tips #not art #inbox

[watatsumiis]

Reader with chronic headaches series - Dottore edition

Yes. this is self indulgent. I deserve it because head hurty and i can just feel its gonna get worse. As bonkers as he is, i think he'd be a great person to have look after you when you're not well (provided you have a close bond with him). Be aware that this is heavily based off of my own experiences with chronic headaches and migraines (and what I do to look after myself when I have them), and is not indicative of everyone's experiences.

Content: Gender neutral reader (implied to have chronic headaches and/or migraines), pre-established platonic relationship with Dottore, just. general Dottore warning, he's a little creepy and likes to keep lists about people.

At first, he's weird about it. He's trying to note down your symptoms and figure out exactly what's wrong, giving you solutions that (surprise surprise) don't work. It would almost be sweet if you didn't know he saw you more as a puzzle to solve at this point.

The idea of chronic illnesses is like a challenge to this man, he's so annoying about it, constantly bothering you about your symptoms, asking you to chart your headaches, where you'd rate them on a scale of one to ten, etc., at this point, he's almost more of a headache than the headaches themselves.

Eventually though, he calms down a bit and starts being actually helpful. He's very observant, so he picks up on the common signals you give off when you've got a headache or a migraine coming on, even if you don't notice them yourself.

When he notices, he'll have someone wordlessly bring you a cool glass of water and your pain relief of choice, sometimes even offer to take over your more menial duties to remove some stress from you.

He takes careful note of what you do to help alleviate them and will replicate those actions, sometimes sternly ordering you around when you're continuing to try and push yourself further. Being of such a high rank, he's easily able to take advantage of it to give you a day or two off.

He'll usher you into a quiet, dark room with a nice cool temperature and a pile of blankets, making sure you're stocked up with plenty of water and your preferred brand of pain relief, while nattering away about what he thinks may be the root cause of your pain this time (as much as he tries to eliminate all potential causes, some still manage to slip through the cracks).

He's uncharacteristically tender with you when you're in pain, especially if he feels guilty for not noticing before it got as bad as it has. He's gentle and speaks in a soft, low voice that's both easy to understand and listen to even through the ringing in your ears.

Though he's used to how your symptoms manifest, it doesn't mean that he worries any less - he still checks up on you just a little too often, but he always tries extremely hard not to disturb you, especially if you decide to take a nap or have a lie down.

He makes sure you're extra stocked up with your favourite snacks, blankets and comfort items, and might even try to find you something simple to keep you entertained that isn't too much strain on your head if you get bored or restless (you're not sure where he got these colouring pages from, but they're well made!)

The amount of documentation he keeps on you is almost unnerving, there's enough there that, even when he's not around, there'll be someone who has been given a briefing and knows exactly what to do to help you.

Once you're feeling better, he scolds you if you overworked yourself or acted too stubborn, insisting that he's a doctor and you should listen to him.

Overall, he's a great person to have take care of you when you're not feeling a hundred percent. He's willing to field almost any request if it'll get you back up and feeling well again.

Please don't repost, steal, copy or otherwise plagarise my writing! This includes posting translations to other sites (without credit + permission).

#insert whatever spiel here about how i dont condone the acts of the character in canon i just enjoy him blah blah blah #sorry to the 7 ppl in my askbox i was gonna do stuff today but head hurty :/ #ill b better after a nap probably maybe #dottore #genshin dottore #dottore x reader #dottore x reader fluff #zandik #zandik x reader #zandik x reader fluff #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin imagines #genshin self insert #my writing #genshin headcanons #genshin fluff #platonic genshin x reader #genshin comfort #x reader comfort #chronic headache series

[star-sparkler]

August Character Qs 🦋💫💜

A while back I went through an OC question list and answered a buuuunch for August in my spare time. I don’t think I ever shared it outside of friend groups so! IF YOU WANT MORE AUGUST INFO.....I GIVE TO U MANY, MANY WORDS REGARDING MY CHILD. (Question from here: Link and Other Link) _________________________________________________ 1) What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

-Not Long. August is a Doer and she gets bored fast if there’s nothing to occupy her. Patience is not her forte.

2) How easy is it for your character to laugh?

-Normally quite easy! August is a happy kid in general and easily moved to giggles. She’s one of those people who starts laughing over something a half a second before others sometimes because she anticipates punchlines, so when they’re said she’s already primed to laugh. August loves wordplay especially. Where her dad might roll his eyes at Uncle Leo’s jokes, August absolutely DELIGHTS in them.

3) How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

-August likely has a very specific routine she doesn’t like messing with and might struggle to fall asleep without. It likely involves some form of brushing her teeth, washing her face, hugs goodnight, an eskimo kiss to Uncle Teddy (her plush bear), and maybe some kind of low stakes puzzle game like sudoku if she’s not quite tired enough for sleep. August generally keeps schedules and has pretty healthy sleep hygiene because of it.

4) How easy is it to earn their trust?

-I think August generally trusts until proven otherwise. Obviously she holds “villains” on a different level and takes everything they say/do with a grain of salt. The problem of August trusting people normally lays more in allowing herself to be vulnerable enough to trust IN others. Short answer: she’s inclined to trust but generally keeps herself removed unless it’s a family member.

5) How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

-Very easily. She’ll give second chances but She Will Not Forget.

6) Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

-August is a Rules person (unless she’s feeling cheeky/curious. In which case it’s more “we have to follow the rules!! But not me as long as i don’t get caught. If I get caught though I resign myself to my punishment willingly) but not really a Laws person (it’s hard to be when you grew up outside the norm). She probably has higher regard for Hidden City laws than NYC laws.

7) What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?  

-Little echoes of someone - their habits and smells and quirks and interests, stuff like that. It’s an achey feeling she doesn’t like but doesn’t hate because it brings loved ones or moments back for a bit.

8) What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child

-Getting into general mischief/places where she shouldn’t be. August is nosey and curious and that led to a lot of exploring the lab and trying to figure out how things work even after being shooed off. If you tell her No then you need to explain exactly why or she’s going to figure it out herself because you just gave her an Unsolved Puzzle. And puzzles are meant to be solved!

9) Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

-No swearing! This is where Rules August comes in. She’s adopted a lot of her Papa’s fun swear alternatives though.

10) What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?  

-August is a BAD LIAR. So any attempts are usually lies of omission or ones that are very easy to immediately sniff out. She often fesses up to attempts at lies with very little pressure.

11) How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

-August always asks. She hates Not Knowing and if she doesn’t get a response that’s satisfying she’ll ask again. If someone can’t help then she starts researching the answers herself.

12) How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?

-If no one else is around she’ll probably use a wall corner tbh. As a kid, she might’ve gone to her family for help.

13) What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

-Regardless of how it looks, August’s favorite colors are teal and purple so she gravitates to them whenever they’re available. Luckily, they match her own colors and each other quite nicely.

14) What animal do they fear most?

-I don’t think August really fears any particular animals? I shall think about this one and get back to it another time. :0a

15) How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

-If business casual was a way of speaking, that’s basically August. She leans toward more formal-ish speak / grammatical accuracy / frequent use of SAT words / not much slang type speech (though she Does occassionally incorporate colloquial phrases. You’re just unlikely to hear her mashing words together). Rehearsal depends who she’s talking to. Usually she speaks impulsively but if she’s anxious she’s more careful with her word choices. If she’s about to ask a big scary question, she will absolutely rehearse it beforehand.

16) What makes their stomach turn?

-Probably gory things. I gotta think about this one cause she doesn’t really get exposed to anything truly unsettling for a long time.

17) Are they easily embarrassed?

-YES. VERY MUCH SO.

18) What embarrasses them?

-Any significant mistake tbh. She struggles with ribbing if it’s not clear that it’s done out of endearment. Basically if something she does makes someone laugh and that was not her intent, she’s not a fan. Laugh with her, not at her, and all that.

19) What is their favorite number?

3.14159

20) If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

-She would probably just break it down by Latin root words and/or dictionary definitions. 21) Why do they get up in the morning?

-Because it’s morning! (The SKY’S awake! So SHE’S awake!)

22) How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)?

-Probably clingy, feeling like she needs to prove her worth and reinforce her presence. She might get a little annoying about it, and mopey if she’s not given the attention she’s seeking.

23) How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)?

-I don’t think envy is something August is prone to. It would probably stay internal if it did.

24) skip

25) What are their thoughts on marriage?

-She has a high regard for the love that marriage represents.

26) What is their preferred mode of transportation?

-Anything active rather than passive. Walking, skateboarding, quick Uncle Leo portals.

27) What causes them to feel dread?

-Realizing she’s hurt someone without meaning to, big mistakes, loved ones in danger/hurt/upset/disappointed (especially in her).

28) Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth?

-NO. She would rather people be real with her. Finding out later she’s been lied to would feel like a huge betrayal and like she can’t be trusted.

29) Do they usually live up to their own ideals?

-August struggles a lot with this as an older kid / teenager - She’s out here trying to wear shoes too big for her just yet. She’ll grow into them but there’s a lot of frustration with herself along the way. I think she’ll make a capable and confident adult though. ;w;

30) Who do they most regret meeting?

-no one that I’m aware of. Yet? hmm

31) Who are they the most glad to have met?

-Depends on the AU but in her cousin one with friends’ ocs then KARA!! (T’s Raph fankid and August un-disputed best friend and closest person) And all of her family rly. Little Casey Jr of her timeline.

32) Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke?

-nah I don’t think so

33) Could they be considered lazy?

-NO, SIR. NOT AUGUSTINE HAMATO.

34) How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt?

-Really, really hard. So hard.

35) How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive?

-August matches the excitement and is generally super supportive of everyone’s endeavours. If she thinks it’s a bad idea though she’ll be honest about that.

_________________________________________________

1) Are they happy with their body?

-Yup

2) Do they have any secret piercings or tattoos?

-nooooope

3) Do they collect anything?

-MAYBE pretty rocks or tiny shells. August isn’t really prone to keeping stuff unless it has sentimental value but she loves the beach and might take home moments from there.

4) What is their favorite music genre?

-pop, j-pop, k-pop, indie, lofi

5) What music genre, if any, do they hate the most?

-screamo probably?

6) What is their phone background/lock screen?

-Probably a selfie of her and a family member in cosplay

7) What is their shoe size?

-who wears shoes in this family

8) Do they have a favorite fabric or texture?

-SOFT plush blankets, cool smooth wooden floors. August is very particular about what textures touch her shell.

9) Do they have a favorite professional sport?

-Ice skating! Long-boarding (and skateboarding). Hockey!!

10) How do they decorate their living space?

-Very tidy and un-cluttered. August isn’t materialistic so she doesn’t keep a lot of THINGS and what she does have is carefully curated or stored in neat boxes. She might display nerdy keychains / stickers / photos of family on cork boards all scrap-book style hung on the wall.

11) Are they messy, or do they clean up?

-Always cleans up after herself. August isn’t a fan of messes.

12) What’s their preferred sleeping position?

-She probably falls asleep curled up on her side but ends up sprawled out on her back, limbs everywhere.

13) Did they have a favorite comfort item as a child?

-Her plush bear, Uncle Teddy, that she got from Uncle Raph as a baby. She still sleeps with it into her teens and hugs it when she needs a boost of courage.

14) Do they have a favorite period in history?

-Feudal Japan

15) Can they cook? What’s their favorite thing to make?

-Noooo. No she cannot cook at all. She can bake well though. From-scratch cookies are her go-to for stress-baking.

16) What food do they hate eating?

-I gotta think about this one gjhgjh

17) Do they have any allergies?

-I haven’t given her one but who knows

18) What was their worst injury?

-She messes up her knee real good on a mission as a teen and that becomes a reoccurring injury / ache  later.

19) What movie is most likely to make them cry?

-Fox and the Hound. Or Lion King for the Mufasa scene.

20) What movie or book could they watch/read a hundred times

-Maybe Treasure Planet. Or some kind of engaging/fun science documentary. For book, maybe Journey to the Center of the Earth?

21) Can they dance? Do they like to?

-Choreographed dancing she ROCKS, impromptu dance she’s kind of clumsy and just vibes but she does love dancing.

22) What was their favorite birthday gift? 

-Probably something special her dad made just for her.

23) Which birthday do they look back on the most fondly?

-ALL OF THEM

24) What kind of cake or birthday treat would they prefer? 

-A light lemon cake or strawberry shortcake. Her favorite is fruit roll cake with lots of mandarins, strawberries, and kiwis on top!

25) What is their favorite animal? 

-platypus 

26) Do they wear perfume/cologne? What is their favorite scent? 

-Nah. Favorite scent is probably just whatever her family smells like tbh. Or something light, subtle, and floral

27) What smell do they hate the most? 

-Hot garbage idk fbdbdjf

28) What sound do they hate the most? 

-Shrill breaks, pain screams

29) What video game would appeal to them the best? 

-Something cerebral, with puzzles. Maybe Professor Layton, LOZ. Or just straight up puzzle games. Sudoku and Minesweeper.

30) How would they relax on a day off/rainy day?

-She might take a nap if she can rope a family member into snuggling with her. Otherwise there’s plenty to do inside to keep busy. Training, books, “helping” in the lab, playing with family. I imagine Donnie has kid-friendly science-y learning activities / projects on standby to keep her busy when she has nothing to do - a bored August is a mischievous August and no one wants that (especially Donnie)

31) Are they combative? What is their fighting style?

-I don’t know if this is literal physical fighting or the emotional side of fighting. I’m gonna skip it for now.

32) Would they be the one to start an argument?

-Probably not intentionally but if she really believes in something she’ll speak up and Will Not Back Down. That could potentially lead to an argument.

33) What is their personal style? Favorite outfit?

-sporty leisure wear, loose and comfy. You know she loves a big soft purple sweatshirt.

34) Do they have a dream job?

-Full fledged Hamato Ninja

35) What do they do if they can’t fall asleep?

-She might do some light exercise. Better to wear herself out some more than lay in bed staring at the wall. If she’s having trouble sleeping it’s probably because she’s stressed about something and needs to get the energy out, in which case she’s heading to the dojo to train the bad vibes out of herself OR to the kitchen to stress bake the bad vibes out of herself.

36) Do they wear makeup regularly? If they don’t, would they consider wearing any?

-Makeup isn’t August’s thing. She might for cosplay situations or special occasions if someone else is doing it for her but I don’t think she’d enjoy the feel of it on her face.

37) Do they prefer to be really cold or really warm?

-Warm!!

38) What recurring dream do they keep having?

-Probably some kind of stress dream about letting loved ones down / being yelled at by them. OR FLYING. The nightmare and the dream.

39) Can they drive? What vehicles are they licensed to operate?

-When she’s a teen I imagine she’ll learn to drive the tank and motorcycles. If the boys are unlicensed then I don’t think she would have a license either.

40) Do they believe in true love? Have they experienced it?

-I think August recognizes love is active and not a given - you have to work hard for it, but romantic love isn’t on her radar. She’s surrounded by tons of familial and platonic love though and feels those deeply for her people.

Did you really read the whole thing??? I’m honoured. I’m giving you a little gold star. Here, it’s for you. ( ; w ; )-⭐  Thanks for caring about my silly lil oc. TwT <3

#AugustineHamato

[septimusmoonlight]

Anonymous: You would be a lovely experiment, I'd say. Spreading your cervix open with a speculum, implanting golf ball sized alien eggs into you one by one, each vibrating and thrumming in an odd way... certainly you'd be able to take plenty of those eggs. Most breeders would be overwhelmed by the amount in the brood, or the overwhelming sensation, but luckily you've been trained for this. Your body would be examined every second, and you'd be perfect to fill with more once this clutch hatches.

Mmm, this sounds so nice <3

I’d love to be subject to experiments like this, trained to take such hefty clutches by way of unique toys and tools. It should probably start by opening up my pussy wide enough to get to my cervix, of course, but you can’t just proceed directly deeper from there - procedure is to keep my cunt stretched until I’m more than used to it. Only then can you start fiddling with my cervix directly, torturing me with vibrators and fake eggs, spreading me wide over and over again until I stop screaming every time something touches the top of my womb. The sensation takes a long time to stop being so overpowering, especially when vibration rates are considered a legitimate variable, but I get there eventually.

That’s when I’m considered ready for the true experiments to start.

Opening me up is trivial, at this point, and so is inserting the eggs one by one. I’m so used to similar sensations that I’m not surprised by how the eggs feel, but there is something pleasantly different about them; maybe it’s how they vibrate, or their texture, or…something. I can’t put a finger on it. Whatever the case, they hum and shudder inside of me as they’re slowly piled in, my womb stretching easily thanks to my training, and my midsection swells to accommodate. I’m strapped to the examination table to prevent me from squirming too much, my legs held up and out of the way, but they’re not necessary; I lay back and easily comply with the procedure. I chew on my lower lip to stop myself from moaning as my womb is packed more and more full.

By the time the last egg of the clutch is slipped easily past my cervix, my breathing has sped up noticeably and my toes are curling. I’ve taken on similar cargo before, in preparation for this very scenario, but there’s still just something about being wrapped around a load of alien eggs - real ones - that lights up my brain. The speculum prying open my cervix is closed and removed, and I inhale sharply as my cervix pulls shut over my impressive clutch. The following examination doesn’t help, gloved hands prying open my pussy and palpating my abdomen to feel out my womb’s position. I’m so tempted to gasp and moan as the eggs shift inside me, rubbing delightfully against each other and against my walls.

As part of my payment for agreeing to be trained for this sort of experiment, I’m given room and board in this facility, of course. Luckily, that just makes it very easy for me to retreat to my private quarters right after the procedure so that I can pleasure myself. In fact, it becomes a habit of mine, masturbating furiously as I rub one hand across my lumpy midsection. It doesn’t help that the eggs grow day by day, closer and closer to hatching, and that just makes me cum harder. I just hope that the scientists don’t notice how wet I am during every single one of their examinations to make sure that the eggs and I are both in good health. Though, I will admit, sometimes I do fantasize about being taunted and teased for enjoying this a little bit too much, maybe taken advantage of by some researcher or another who wants to help me “practice” for when the clutch hatches…self-indulgent thoughts that pop up every time I touch myself.

The ever-increasing size of the eggs also increases their shivering hum inside of me, which of course is remarkably distracting. If I hadn’t gotten the requisite training, I get the feeling that I’d probably be on my knees and howling at this point, but as it is, I just stagger around, trying to support my enormous middle. I get plenty of researchers putting their hands on me at all times, some of them just so they can help me down a hallway and others so that they can show off their newest “project” to an associate. I politely answer questions when asked, deferring to the scientists when I don’t have an answer, but the entire time I’m soaking through my underwear.

One day, something inside of me lurches.

I pause in the middle of what I’m doing and gasp, putting a hand do my midsection. I wait for the movement to repeat - and it does, twice more in rapid succession. I know exactly what this means, and I hurry off - well, as much as I can hurry in my current state - to find one of the researchers who works on me. As soon as I alert them to the fact that the clutch is emerging, I’m whisked away to my usual examination room and spread out on the table I’m so used to at that point.

Heat is rising in my lower abdomen, so I inform the researchers that the stimulation is causing arousal, making sure to omit the fact that I’ve enjoyed this from the very beginning. I just don’t want anyone to be surprised when I climax on the examination table. To my surprise, they encourage arousal as a reaction, noting that such a response to a clutch as large as this one is a good indicator that further incubations will settle in positively. In fact, they urge me to embrace it, explaining that a positive association with the feeling of being a host will mean fewer problems in the future.

I’m all too glad to follow their recommendations, moaning and gasping as my midsection sways and jolts with each hatch of an egg, each shift of the alien young. I can’t help but notice that most of the researchers quickly sport impressive hard-ons in response, not even bothering to disguise them as they attend me. Some of them even rub themselves over their lab technician scrubs, and one of them goes so far as to press their bulge conspicuously against my face, disguised as leaning over the table to adjust a piece of equipment. Almost without meaning to, I mouth at it, so turned on that I’m willing to serve whoever needs it. That garners a fond chuckle from a handful of attendants, and some of them write something on a clipboard or notepad.

Finally, the time for the young to emerge comes.

One of them presses up against my cervix, and I gasp, my toes curling. I moan as it wriggles and writhes inside, doing its best to dilate me for its escape - and it succeeds with a spurt of slimy fluid, slithering out of me and into the waiting basin positioned beneath my table. I swear loudly, tapering off into another moan as a second follows the first. Then another, and another, and more and more until they’re cascading out of me in slimy bursts, gushes of fluid spattering the table and my inner thighs.

I can’t help myself and I cum loudly, arching my back, my cries of pleasure echoing from the walls, and the attendants all encourage me, more of them fully hard now. Some of them are just outright jacking off as they crowd around to watch me give birth. A good handful are still making sure that the young and I are both in good condition, of course, but most seem too distracted to bother with the pretense of an examination at this point. Honestly, that just turns me on more, and the sounds coming out of my mouth grow more obscene. It’s not even intentional - it just feels like instinct to put on a good show.

My middle shrinks, deflating as my cargo makes its escape. My orgasms decline in intensity as my womb empties, and I yearn deeply for the weight, the mass deep inside, the fullness that comes with being a host. The researchers seem to pick up on this, and the first to notice reassures me that I’ll be full again soon. I whimper, asking them to promise, and a few of the researchers laugh.

Just as the last of my young slip from my body, the door to the research room opens. Two new researchers walk in, one wheeling in a cart - and the other holding a speculum.

#Originally posted August 30th 2022 #asks #anonymous #my writing #nsft text #patreon.com/septimusmoonlight #science #aliens #ovi #toys #cervix penetration #birth #stretching

[murphysletsdraw]

How to (efficiently) hand wash dishes

Despite good intentions and decent physical ability, you often walk into the kitchen to find a mess. Dirty dishes piled high, no clean utensils to cook with and old food scraps and mysterious goo making the room feel awful. When you try to wash up you don't know where to start, it feels impossible and takes longer than it should have to, so you avoid doing it and soon get stuck with just as big a mess a few days later. If this sounds familiar, I’ve written this tutorial with you in mind. In other words, my aim is to help a person with executive dysfunction/brain fog/burn out and/or limited experience with housework to deal with a big pile of dishes in a messy, dirty kitchen in a logical, step-by-step way with the minimum of effort. For context: I am cognitively (and physically) disabled and after inventing this method for washing dishes my kitchen has gone from “always dangerously dirty” to “almost always clean”, even when I’m unmedicated for long stretches of time. I can’t promise similar results for you but I can at least promise I’m not an abled, neurotypical, naturally tidy person about to tell you to try harder.

You will need:

A comfortable dish washing tool (sponge, brush or cloth)

Two basins, one for washing and one for rinsing (meaning either a plastic basin and a sink or two sinks)

A dish drying rack

A cutlery dryer

Dish soap

A plug for the drain

Kitchen rags or sponge cloths

1-3 clean kitchen towels (fabric, not paper)

Rubber gloves (optional)

Step one is to get your work space in order.

This will involve some general cleaning and tidying, but trust me, it will end up saving you time and spoons. 1) Remove everything in your path that’s clean (things that shouldn’t be in the kitchen, clean dishes, food you want to keep etc) and storing it out of reach. 2) If possible, place an open waste bin on the floor within easy reach. 3) Remove trash and bigger loose pieces of food waste. 4) Gather up all dirty cutlery, spatulas, ladles and similar utensils and place them head down in a small pot, bucket, food container or similar. Fill the container with hot water and some dish soap and leave it someplace out of the way. 5) Gather your plates and bowls, scrape any bits of food into the bin and pre-rinse them as needed, and stack them by type. 6) Empty your pots and pans and stack them, fill them part way with hot water and dish soap and put them to the side. 7) Empty and pre-rinse your cups and glasses. If any are very caked in dirt, fill them with hot water and dish soap. 8) Gather any remaining miscellaneous dishes, pre-rinse as needed and stack them as much as possible to save space.

By now, your dirty dishes should be ready for washing and sorted by type and you should have some surface space available to work in. Pick one surface area to be your clean area, preferably within easy reach of the sink, and one area to be the dirty area (for now). I usually use my kitchen table (or the floor, as long as I can safely and easily move around the sink) to be my dirty area.

Ideally, your work flow should physically move in a line from left to right (or vice versa), going from dirty to washing to rinsing to drying. If you don’t have enough space, it’s more important to have the washing, rinsing and drying lined up that way.

9) Move all your dishes to the dirty area and keep them separated as before by type. 10) Empty and clean your sink(s) and/or wash basin. 11) Scrub your clean area very clean and dry it. Place a dish rack there or cover it with a kitchen towel. Leave a rag or something similar near the edge - the area will get wet so be ready to wipe up the water before it spills to the floor.

At this point, I usually take a moment to check in with myself. If I’m running out of energy or time, I only proceed to wash my pots, pans, chopping boards, knives and other cooking utensils, and leave my eating and drinking utensils for another time. Why? Firstly, because those cooking tools are usually the only dishes that will be permanently damaged if left dirty and/or moist for too long Secondly, it means that I’ll have everything I need to cook myself a meal and a neat, clean-ish space to cook in. This is after all the most important thing in a kitchen. Everything else is organized, even if it’s still dirty, so it’s easy to grab and wash a plate and a fork as needed so I can eat said meal.

When you’re ready to proceed, step two is to wash your dishes.

Now that things are tidy, there will be limited task switching and moving around from this point on, which I find to be the main reasons I get confused, distracted, stressed or overwhelmed when cleaning. I’ve suggested an order in which to wash your dishes that should save time and help preserve water by going from (usually) less dirty to (usually) more dirty. When the water in your wash basin starts to look or smell nasty, change it. You can also clear away the bin(s) now.

1) Get a clean kitchen towel and throw it over your shoulder so it’s always within easy reach. 2) As I mentioned above, you should arrange your wash basins/sink(s) so that everything will move in a straight, uninterrupted line - wash (in the basin if you don’t have two sinks), rinse in the sink and dry on the surface next to the sink. If you only have one sink/basin, wash everything first, then rinse, then dry. The aims are to minimize task switching, save time, save water and avoid dirtying your clean dishes by cross contamination. If you only take away one thing from this tutorial it should be to use this assembly line type of set up. 3) Fill your wash basin as much as you can with glasses and cups and top up with hot water and dish soap. Wash all of them. If you’re low on energy or time, focus on the rim of the glass/cup and the inside, those are the most important parts. Soak the next batch of dishes while you rinse and/or stack your current batch according to your set up. 4) Repeat with plates, then bowls. Between every stage, check if you have enough space left to work in - perhaps your dirty area is almost empty and you can clean some of it for extra clean space? 5) Cutlery and utensils go next. Since they’ve been soaking in hot water, maybe even twice at this point, you can just swipe the top half like credit cards in a folded dish sponge unless they’re very dirty. I like to arrange my cutlery handle-side up in another container before rinsing them, that way I can grab a handful easily, rinse the handful in one go and then put them handle-side down in the drying container. Else they tend to get tangled and fly everywhere, but that might just be me.

At this point, your clean/drying area is probably filling up. If you’re low on space, rinse whatever is left to rinse, dry it with a clean towel and store it out of the way. That way you’ll have room to wash and dry your pots, pans and other miscellaneous cookware, even if it’s been piling up, which should be your last remaining step.

Take a look around - I usually find that after washing dishes this way, I’ve basically tricked myself into tidying most of my kitchen (to get my clean belongings out of harm’s way and make room for my clean and dirty areas) and stove-top, so if you have the energy to spare this is a good time to quickly clean those down as well.

That’s it, that’s my method for washing dishes with the least amount of stress and effort. To me, a clear, logical workflow that I can write out into a series of steps to follow in order is the most helpful way to avoid stress and extra work when my cognitive functions are at their worst.

To sum up

If you’d like a much shorter step-by-step guide to print out and hang in the kitchen, you could sum it up like this

1) get rid of clean stuff 2) get rid of trash and old food 3) gather, pre-rinse and stack dishes 4) move in a straight line: wash, rinse, dry 5) when short on time, prioritise cooking tools over eating tools 6) wash dishes one type at a time

but you should of course tailor this list to include the stuff you’re most likely to forget or most likely to find useful.

Some other things to consider:

Anything that has come into contact with raw meat or chicken should always be washed separately and with more care. If you’re uncertain on food safety in general, please take a moment to look into it.

Non-stick pots and pans should be handled with care, replaced often and only washed with very soft tools - if they get scraped or damaged, even with age and normal use, they’re no longer safe to use. I would argue that they’re not safe to use anyway and that well-treated cast iron or other good metal cookware will fill the same functions if used correctly, but you should of course decide for yourself.

Don’t use dish soap on cast iron or leave it soaking in water, just wash it with hot water. Make sure to look up a guide to using and maintaining cast iron tools, and if you’re not able to wash it regularly immediately after use, it might be best to use stainless steel instead. Misused cast iron can be fixed, but it takes some effort.

Never pour grease, oil or other food waste down the drain - it will smell awful and eventually clog the drain which can be difficult and expensive to deal with.

Solutions to other problems:

Of course, there are other reasons why washing dishes might be difficult. If you have problems with fine motor skills, I recommend a dish sponge or a rag over a brush since it’s easier to feel what you’re doing and it lets you use your whole hand instead of just your wrist. Try every dish washing tool available to you and pick the one you prefer. Be honest about your difficulties, try to pinpoint their sources, take them seriously and allow yourself to problem solve with some imagination. An example: the reason my partner avoided doing the dishes in our new kitchen turned out to be that because of the poor design of the sink, the floor gets wet very quickly. Once she realised this, we got a set of indoor sandals each and now neither of us have to get our feet wet.

For other sensory issues, you can try:

choosing a dish soap that is allergy friendly and that either smells nice or is not perfumed

getting a nice, protective hand cream to use after washing dishes

blocking out unpleasant sounds with music or earplugs

wearing gloves

wearing a thick apron or other protective clothing to not get unpleasantly soaked, or at least change into clothes you’re don’t mind staining

use incense or an oil burner to get a nicer smell in the kitchen

If pain or fatigue hinders you, use a (safe!) seat instead of standing.

This list could go on much longer (and if you have some advice I’ve missed, please send it my way so I can add it) but the more important point is to get you thinking outside of the box both about what’s actually stopping you and what could be done about it. There is no real benefit to doing things the normal way, unless of course you’re living with ableist people who will punish you otherwise.

Avoiding mess in future

This tutorial hopefully helps you deal with a mess, but it won’t help you avoid a mess from piling up. If there’s interest, I might make a tutorial for that too - let me know what you think and what issues are the most challenging for you and I'll try to help! Of course, if the above method is helpful, just knowing how to solve the problem without having to think up a plan or spend more time and energy than necessary can help with procrastination or avoidance by itself.

Please give me feedback!

If this was helpful to you, or you think it might be helpful to someone else, please reblog it and take two seconds to follow me on youtube (link in notes) - I am disabled myself and making tutorials, especially in video form, is my dream livelihood. If it was very helpful and you'd like more tutorials, please donate to my ko-fi or patreon (link also in notes). If you'd appreciate pictures as a visual aid or to break up the wall of text, and/or if you would like this tutorial in video format, please let me know! If this tutorial was NOT helpful to you, either by being explained poorly or having steps that didn't work for you, please let me know that too! English is not my first language, and while no method will work for everyone I would like this method to be as widely accessible as possible. Thanks for reading and good luck!

#disability #actually disabled #autism #adhd #neurodivergence #cognitive disability #disability resources #tutorial #tutorials #housework tutorial #hygiene #phew! I really tried with this one so hopefully it will be of use! #burnout #mental health #had to repost because tumblr punishes external links

[premenstrualhomicide]

2023 intentional feminism [SUCCESS]

hey ladies! about a year and a half ago i finally wrote a list of feminist goals for myself, and as of this month, i've completed them all. intentional feminist action is something that has become very important to me and has effectively improved my confidence, body neutrality, social awareness, and overall wellbeing. i'm really proud of myself so i thought i'd share my success with y'all and talk a little bit about the journey.

GOAL #1: STOP WEARING SKIN MAKEUP

this was one of the first ones i completed, although getting comfortable with the change took a bit longer. i threw out all concealers, foundations, etc. shortly after writing my list of goals, and luckily my frugality saved me from going out and buying more in moments of low self-esteem. the hardest part of this goal was when, about 9 months after i had stopped wearing skin makeup, i developed a chronic illness that frequently flares up and is very visible. since then, i have had many days where i have to force myself to go out with blotchy, red, even bruised skin covering my face, and limbs. it's been difficult to adjust to strangers staring at me, but i'm really proud to say i've grown more comfortable in my skin as a result and have not given in to the urge to cover my symptoms with makeup.

GOAL #2: STOP WEARING EYE MAKEUP

eyeliner was a lot harder to surrender. in my teenage years, i wore a lot of eyeliner, often sharp and dramatic wings. i leaned heavily into the alternative style because i felt i wasn't attractive enough to perform femininity in the more traditional or conventional way. so for many months after giving up my concealer, i still wore eyeliner frequently. but in the year 2023, i've worn eye makeup a total of 1 time (with the exception of costume/cosplay makeup). it's a difficult thing to let go of, because almost all the pictures i have of myself as a teenager depict me with my eyes neatly framed with dark wings. and i'll admit it: it looks fantastic on me. but i've found ways to keep myself from falling back into that addiction, like not taking selfies of myself as frequently as i used to, not using social media, practicing body neutrality, and remembering the ultimate reason i'm doing this: to help other women feel comfortable in their natural state.

GOAL #3: STOP BUYING UNCOMFORTABLE CLOTHES

right now my wardrobe contains quite a few tiny skirts, crop tops, and other mobility-restricting, revealing articles of clothing. i'm slowly phasing them out as i shift my apparel to more oversized clothes, sweaters, men's jeans, professional suits for my career, and long skirts in which i can easily move. what has helped is a new job at a company that sells bras, panties, pajamas, and loungewear to women who want to be comfortable. we provide a less objectifying alternative to stores like victoria's secret, and so my employee discount has made it easy to stock up on unbelievably soft cardigans, pajamas, and wireless bras.

GOAL #4: STOP SHAVING

two things i learned after i stopped shaving: 1. there's a significant number of women who don't shave but have such fine/light body hair that it appears as though they shave regularly. 2. i am not one of those women. shaving had been a sisyphean struggle for me since the age of 12. my body hair is dark, grows quickly, and will do everything in its power to make "smooth legs" impossible. i remember years of researching different methods of shaving and hair removal, googling how to prevent "strawberry legs", buying various creams and lotions and exfoliants just so i could obtain that air-brushed look that seemed to come naturally to all the girls around me. giving up on shaving forced me to confront the truth: i am a hairy woman. i have hairy arms, hairy legs, hairy toes, i even have some visible mustache hair. while i will sometimes meet women at university who don't use makeup for any number of reasons (yay!), it is very rare that i see other women with hairy legs. and god have i been searching. in fact, i can only think of one time in this year and a half i've seen another female who visibly doesn't shave, and then i found out they don't even identify as a woman. very disheartening. i'll keep wearing shorts and being hairy in hopes that my female peers and younger girls will have a change of heart, but for now it still feels a bit alienating.

GOAL #5: JOIN A FEMINIST ISSUES ORGANIZATION

!!!!!!! very proud to say i had the opportunity to work for the Feminist Majority Foundation during this past election season. my state had a very critical piece of pro-choice legislation on the ballot in november, so my job was to canvass students on and off my campus, and to provide reliable information about the issue. so happy to have played a role in securing abortion rights for women in my state. for any women wanting to get involved with feminist orgs and potentially make some money, the FMF has a great list of job listings!

GOAL #6: JOIN AN ALL-WOMEN CLUB

this is similar to goal #5, but i wanted to find a space where i could be away from men, but without the pressures of activism or employment. i just wanted a fun, preferably creative activity i could do with women! and this month, i was approved to join a feminist writing/art publication at my university! i'm on their design team, so i get to make cool t-shirt designs and will help with the aesthetics and layout of the publication once we have all of our submissions in. it's about 8 female students, all of which identify as women which is always a plus, and i'm having a blast so far. female separatism isn't something that's realistic for me at this point in my life, but having little groups like this away from males is really comforting.

GOAL #7: SOCIALLY SURROUND MYSELF WITH (MOSTLY) WOMEN

like i said above, i'm no hard separatist. it's a dream that maybe i'll be able to reach someday when i have more financial independence, but for now i do frequently interact with men. i have a couple male friends, i have a good relationship with my brother and my dad, and there's always going to be men in my classes. this goal was intended to remedy the issue i encountered during my teenage years: i'd spent so long removing myself from the idea of womanhood that i barely had any female friends. for the same reasons i didn't feel like a woman for a long time, i didn't interact with women on a personal level for years. there's a few ways i have worked to fix this in 2023. first, i have made substantial progress in mending my relationship with my mom. we hadn't been close since i was very young, and the fact that i related more to my dad only further pushed us apart. i always had seen her as a traditionalist, because she had some outdated beliefs and didn't affirm my gender identity when i was identifying as trans, but post-peak reflection made me realize she was incredibly progressive for her era. she had a college degree, she waited a long time to have children, she was independent and competitive. i took time to apologize to her for the things i said in past years, and acknowledged her positive impact on me as a woman. we spend more time together now and are planning a road trip together in january :) i also try to prioritize making plans with the female friends i have made at university. it's fun to find events to bring them to, or just to have dinner together. in addition, i had the opportunity to travel abroad with three women, and the (somewhat terrifying) experience provided some wonderful bonding. two of the three are now some of my closest friends. finally, i now have a part-time job at a women's intimates store, like i said above. every employee there is a woman, and i'm the youngest, so it's given me a chance to interact with a wide variety of ages. some of them are grandmothers, some of them have never had kids, some of them are married, some of them are divorced. it's the sweetest group of women and i especially love talking to my manager, a tall, loud, 50-year-old misandrist who lives alone with dogs she's rescued from abusive homes and spends her money on travel and her passion for football. i really value time and conversation with older women now.

2023 has been a year of purging. i've cleansed my life of beauty routines, body expectations, my ex-boyfriend (ew), and it's given me the strength to continue my self-improvement and feminist work. i started the year still struggling with eating disorder recovery, recently assaulted by my ex-boyfriend, and frequently having nightmares. now, my grades have improved, i often surprise myself with how little i care about my appearance, and i've stopped having sex with men.

for 2024, my goal is to continue my cleansing work and to make it a year of cultivation. i want to cultivate my education and to cultivate skills like sewing my own clothes, cooking, growing food, and writing fiction. in addition, i will cultivate the female relationships i've established. wish me luck, and happy new year! :)

#feminism #long post #radfem #radical feminism #radfems do interact

[albeitinzane]

my top surgery recovery tips

alrighty gang! im one week post op and i have tips for anyone who might need them in the future. this is likely prone to be updated/reblogged with more tips in the future once i'm further in recovery.

keep in mind that even a day after surgery i was pretty mobile and was able to do most things by myself, so these tips may not be as helpful for older trans people who would be slower to bounce back, people who are chronically ill or disabled and already have trouble with movement or surgical recovery, or just other people who don't recover as quickly. different bodies will react differently to surgery.

i also have surgical drains, which not all surgeons will provide (but my surgeon gives them to all top surgery patients). they will have quite a few tips of their own because they're annoying to manage.

and lastly, i had double incision top surgery, but i didn't get nipple grafts. if you do have nipple grafts, you have to wait 2 weeks to shower instead of just 2 days, since the grafts can't get wet.

get lots of zip ups, button ups, and oversized shirts or tank tops.

for the first few days, you won't be able to reach your arms high enough to put a shirt on; at least, not without help, and it's very annoying to do. the best option is to get button-ups or zip-ups with wide shoulders that are easy to pull on. bathrobes are really nice too.

if the hospital doesn't provide you with gauze, it's good to buy some (and some waterproof medical tape to keep it there).

while i didn't need gauze after a few days to cover up the scars because they had glue protecting them, one of my drain sides leaked quite a bit, and it got super itchy if it wasn't cleaned up right away. if there was gauze soaking up the leaks before it got too far, it really cut down the itchiness, and made for less mess i had to clean up (which is its own annoying and uncomfortable process)

make sure you have sweatpants or baggy/comfortable pants on hand; stuff that you don't need a belt to wear.

putting on pants is a pain in the ass, so you won't want to have to change them constantly. it's good to have comfortable pants you can wear for a while without wanting or needing to change them. i have a lot of pajama pants and they have been my best friend.

put anything you need to access daily on a lower shelf.

most of my bathroom stuff is in a 3 shelf mirror cabinet, and while everything i needed was on either the first or second shelf, the second shelf was still annoying, painful, and difficult to reach. putting everything on an easily accessible shelf level or setting them lower (though not on the floor because bending down to pick stuff up is also annoying) is way easier.

baby wipes. so many baby wipes.

generally speaking, your skin will be sore but you won't feel it when you touch it because of nerve damage that just comes with surgery. but it's still really sensitive in areas that weren't operated on, so cleaning up any mess with baby wipes (especially if you got grafts and can't shower) which are soft on your skin but good at removing residue or anything sticky is very useful. they've saved me so many times when i had drainage leaks.

cough drops.

after surgery, you're likely going to have a sore throat because of anesthesia. it's good to have some cough drops or tea on hand to soothe it.

make a mini beside table (BEFORE SURGERY!) with any nighttime items or pain medication.

i had a little nighttime stand with snacks, my pain medication, water, my tablet and phone, and a charger. this made it very easy to get anything i needed without potentially having to get up and walk into another room to get whatever i needed instead.

make sure you're with a friend or relative who you're comfortable with seeing you exposed and who's able to take time off to help you with anything.

even with my mobility, there was still a good handful of things i couldn't do by myself that i needed help with. i often needed help getting dressed, i can't do dishes, i can't cook for myself, and early on, i was often so sore that i needed help getting out of bed. having someone you trust to help you do any of this is essential, but that's true for almost any surgery.

get a belt that can get wet.

if you have drains, but no grafts, and you want to shower, you're going to want a belt to attach your drains to while you shower. having them hang free is very anxiety-inducing (at least, for me), so you might not be able to clean up as well with a belt on, and it might feel really uncomfortable, but it's better than having them swing free and potentially get pulled out too early.

stay safe everyone, and happy recovery for everyone getting top surgery!

edit: if anyone who's also had top would like to reblog with their own tips, i'll be sure to reblog them!

#top surgery #trans pride #transmasculine #transmasc #transgender #trans artist #trans joy #trans positivity #plastic surgery #surgery #double mastectomy #zane talks trans

[she-who-fights-and-writes]

Do you have any advice on how to write consistently and stay motivated?

Me, who is probably the most inconsistent writer of all time:

How to Write Consistently (From Someone Who Does Not Write Consistently)

This may sound odd; why would someone who has trouble managing their own consistency in writing give advice on how to do just that? Well, for me, I feel like people who have no trouble staying on track with their writing really don't understand the struggles that other writers go through when trying to keep consistent with their projects.

Hopefully, these things that I do may help all of you, too!

1. Find Out the Difference Between Writer's Block vs. Procrastination

Check out my post on how to overcome writer's block here!

One of the most frustrating things that happens when I haven't worked on a project in a while is that once I finally return to it, I write 2,000 words in one sitting!

Discovering that I hadn't actually been suffering from writer's block and could've been working on my WIP easily for all that time is infuriating! I had nothing but my own procrastination to blame!

How have I learned to tell the difference?

Trying to open my WIP file every day, as well as taking notes about where I left off, has been a big help. That way, I can be 100% positive that I either do/don't have writer's block on this section, and can brainstorm things that I want to write next.

Of course, I am definitely not consistent with this. Life happens! It's not possible to expect someone to do something every day, especially if it's so dependent on the unpredictable flow of creative juices. But being at least a bit aware of where I left off has been a big help!

2. Your Phone is Your Enemy!

My phone is the biggest distraction that keeps me from writing. I can have my computer open in my lap with the Word Document of my WIP open for hours and still never get anything done because I'm scrolling on my phone.

It's tough because I normally don't recognize I'm distracted until it's too late; after all, I'd only opened my phone to check a text, or put on my writing playlist, or look up a fact I wasn't sure about.

That's why removing my phone from my reach always helps lots; by using my own laziness against me--since I don't want to get up and go get my phone--it helps me stay focused on the task at hand.

If you need your phone next to you, consider downloading a focus/study app like Forest that will help you stay on track!

3. Have a Back-Up Project!

Writing frequently is the key to keeping yourself motivated and consistent, and if you have writer's block on one project, it can be very easy to slip into a huge gap of time where you don't write at all...and the longer you don't write, the harder it is to get back into it.

Whenever I find I have writer's block on my main project, I write fanfiction or other side projects to keep my writing muscle exercised. I tend to lapse BIG TIME when I don't write, so keeping myself on track with other writing things prevents me from going months without even touching any of my WIPs.

Keeping consistent is one of the most difficult parts of writing, so don't beat yourself up over it if you have trouble! I'm not sure if these tips are helpful, but I hope they can prove useful to those who struggle with the same issues as I do!

#writing #writing tips #writing advice #writing help #writers #writeblr #creative writing #writer problems #writer's block #writing consistently #writers on tumblr #writers of tumblr #writing community #tips for writers #help for writers #advice for writers

[kulapti]

Cover construction for The silent isle imbowers, July-Aug 2023.

Finished binding here.

Materials shown: metallic gold and matte black heat transfer vinyl with cricut-cut designs, cricut-cut paper stencil, acrylic paint, bookcloth made of cotton + drawing paper backing + Lineco PVA glue. Calligraphy by quillingwords, flower art and cover construction by me.

————-General tips on how to make smth like this:

Steps in order were (1) have bookcloth, (2) cut and paint stencil, (3) cut and weed both HTV layers, (4) apply black HTV, (5) apply gold HTV, (6) add paint detail with paintbrush over the vinyl, (7) apply bookcloth to cover board.

This is not a beginner-friendly design LOL. Be like me and try most of the steps by themselves on other projects first.

I drew this design knowing how the sections would be layered, and which materials (and therefore colors) would go with each layer. Achieving a similar result with a premade design will likely require editing in a digital art program.

Test how your materials will layer before committing to a complex design. In this case I discovered that the type of bookcloth I made actually helps conceal the adhesive spread under the black HTV.

Layering HTV over small sections of acrylic paint works! Cannot confirm the result if you were to use large painted sections.

PSA This black layer with many very small pointy bits is at the extreme limit of what I think is possible to weed from machine-cut HTV. A different material might work better, and I got a lot faster at weeding the second copy than the first one, but some of this is just a technical limit. The gold section worked great but I would not recommend this for the black.

Layering HTV is much easier to do uniformly with a heat press! Check if your local library or maybe an art class studio has one you can use before doing smth like this with your iron.

Paper stencils are easy to make with the cricut but don’t try to use them for anything with small details. The above example is pushing it despite being very simple shapes. Stick-on stencils are better.

Tiny HTV design tip: designs with jagged sections and very thin lines are hardest to weed successfully. Smooth curves are much easier.

Scale all pieces of a stacked design on the same drawing program and within the same canvas in cricut so they layer precisely.

Cut tiny HTV designs with the washi paper setting on a cricut. I did not find this out myself but I can confirm the results! Using the HTV setting will cause the blade to catch on and pull up small sections of the design while cutting, ruining parts of the design.

—————-Tiny HTV design weeding tips:

For the love of cheese do not try anything this complicated the first time you use a cricut. or the second. you will cry

Seriously consider trying both HTV and cricut stencils before doing anything complicated like this. I wish I had at least attempted the black layer as a stick-on stencil.

This isn't a weeding tip but again you better cut this with a washi setting.

Use a very sharp weeding tool, good lighting, and consider a magnifying glass

Be prepared for this to take several hours, especially if you have never done a tiny piece before.

Important! The cricut does not perfectly cut out designs, leaving very small connected sections around the design at various locations. This is almost unnoticeable on large designs but can ruin tiny designs very easily. Be prepared to hold down the “keep” sections of the design with tweezers or a fingertip while pulling or trimming off some of the “remove” negative space.

Do NOT attempt to pull off all the negative space in a single piece. Either add dividing lines to your design for the machine to cut, or use a sharp tool to scrape them yourself. You are much less likely to accidentally remove part of your design if you weed the design in distinct sections.

#my art #bookbinding #work in progress #fanbinding #art tips #artists on tumblr #here there be fandom #long post #weeding the black layer was so. lol. I started the first one and was like I may have made a terrible mistake #renegade chat lighting candles for me #worth it!! also would hopefully come up with a more efficient stencil strategy instead next time!! #I normally post wip stuff on my side blog but figured this might be worth going on main #also the first wip photo looks neat so #only the vision of this fic being a Really Hecking Badass Book could sustain me thru 12 hours of weeding those black layers #my Learn Bookbinding Skills strategy is basically to choose an extremely ambitious project that excites me enough to keep me motivated #and then to just work on it for months because I am stubborn as all hell and genuinely find this fun instead of frustrating :D #tailfeather binding #id in alt text #described #update I have added ids!

[queen-dahlia]

𝐆𝐢𝐥𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐭 𝐯𝐨𝐧 𝐎𝐛𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐧

𝗠𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗥𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗲 𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝟭𝟯

Note: Translation is not 100% accurate. Expect grammatical errors.

// : alternate translation | ⫘⫘ : flashback

While busy preparing for the White Rose Festival, the roses that announce the time fall one by one.

The more crimson petals pile up on the glass dome, the more my heart hurts.

The blood that is dripping like tears,

It would not fit in the container and was about to overflow.

(What should I do…)

I visited the warehouse to pick up supplies for the festival, but the door wouldn't open.

It had opened easily when I entered, but now it seemed to be locked from the outside.

(I got locked in a warehouse today.)

I'm calm because I've already gotten used to it.

(The harassment has been escalating over the past few days.)

At first, it was a trivial change.

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

Emma: "Good morning."

Servant: ". . . . . ."

Gilbert: "Huh. You just got ignored, didn't you?"

Emma: "Maybe he just didn't hear me."

Gilbert: "… Hehe, I'll pretend that's the case."

══════════════════

Emma: "Sariel, I brought the materials you asked for."

Sariel: "… Oh? I didn't ask for anything."

Emma: "Eh… But just now, one of the servants called me…"

Gilbert: "If you don't have any idea what she's talking about, then she must have been mistaken."

Emma: "Well... it looks like it."

Sariel: "I'll investigate later. Emma, are you okay?"

Emma: "Yes. Sorry for the disturbance, I'm fine."

══════════════════

Rio: "What is this... 'Get out of the court now'?"

Rio: "… Emma, you can tear this lousy blackmail letter to pieces."

Rio: "I'm gonna go… Rip 'em to pieces, too."

Emma: "Wait, Rio! I don't know what you're going to rip up, but you can't!"

Rio: "But…"

Emma: "I can handle this. I'll be fine."

══════════════════

Emma: "Ow…"

Yves: "What happened!?"

Emma: "… It looks like there was a needle in one of the equipment."

Yves: "What? Why is there a needle in that thing?!"

Yves: "I hope it's not a poisoned needle. Let's go to the infirmary just to be sure—"

Emma: "I'm fine! There's only a little blood, I'm really fine."

Emma: "Like I said... I'm fine."

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

(—It seems like they want me to stop helping with the White Rose Festival, no matter what.)

The more I try to approach, the more my surroundings push me away.   //   The more I try to get closer, the more people around me keep pushing me away.

As long as the country of Obsidian was involved, it seemed like they wouldn't even listen to me.

(I knew it wasn't going to be easy from the start.)

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

Yves: "Now that you've been noticed by Prince Gilbert, you're definitely going to be isolated. And there will be more malice, like today."

Yves: "When that happens, there is no need to hold back. You can be angry. And we're going to take care of what happens afterwards."

Yves: "You can't allow yourself to be unreasonable like you were today."

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

(Yves said that...)

Now that I know the details of Blood-Stained Rose Day, I can't bring myself to get angry, even if it's unreasonable.

Emma: "… I'll be fine."

I motivate myself with a mutter that I don't mean for anyone to hear and try to hit the door with my body.

It was only painful.

???: "You're an idiot. There's no way the door will blow off with that delicate body of yours."

(…! Looks like Prince Gilbert is on the other side of the door.)

I just need to go to the warehouse to pick up some supplies, so I'll be fine on my own—I said that and walked away from Prince Gilbert,

Perhaps he was worried about my late return and came to check on me.

(Since it's Prince Gilbert, he might have anticipated that I would be trapped in a warehouse…)

Emma: "Prince Gilbert, is there a lock outside?"

Gilbert: "It's a sturdy one. The kind of thing that your weak body can never break."

Emma: "I'd like to ask you to please remove it…"

Gilbert: "I don't have the key, what should I do?"

Emma: "… Look for another way in or out."

Gilbert: "That's why they locked you up in here, isn't it?"   //   "They locked you up in here because of that, didn't they?"

Emma: "I know…"

Gilbert: "Poor thing. If you insist, I'll help you."

Emma: "Really? How about 100 cookies!"

Gilbert: "You're so graceful. Don't you ever have a problem owing a villain a favor?"

Emma: "… Just a little bit, but I can't turn my back now."

(If I don't get out before someone notices, I'll start worrying them again.)

Gilbert: "I can't help it if it's Little Bunny's request... I'll compromise with 1,000 cookies."

(1000 pieces!? That's a lot of food to put in your stomach…)

There was a clanging sound behind the door, and a few seconds later, it opened without a second's thought.

(There should be no key, but how…)

Gilbert: "Huh, that's strange."

Emma: "What is it?"

Prince Gilbert, standing in front of me, traces his cold fingers around my eyes.

Gilbert: "You're not crying."

Emma: "… I won't cry."

Gilbert: "I was trying to come up with all kinds of comforting words."

(I see…)

Emma: "Thank you very much. I would have spent the night here if Prince Gilbert had not come."

Gilbert: "I wonder if you would have cried if I hadn't come."

Emma: "Don't get your hopes up."

Gilbert: "Ahaha, you look better than I thought."

He strokes my hair with a gentle hand, not unlike a bad guy, and I quickly move away.   //   He stroked my hair with a gentle hand that didn't make him look like a villain, and I quickly took my distance.

Gilbert: "Little Bunny...?"

Emma: "I must get the supplies quickly, Yves must have been waiting for me."

(Maybe I'm weaker than I thought.)

The way he stroked my hair as if to comfort me made my heart palpitate at the thought of "more."

(… I'd like to take kindness as kindness, but don't drown in it.)

(Because right now, it's still a situation where good intentions turn into malice.)

I picked up the box containing the supplies for the White Rose Festival and tried to leave the warehouse as soon as possible,

Prince Gilbert blocked my path with his cane and brought his face close to mine.

Gilbert: "Don't you want me to be nice to you?"

Emma: ". . . . . ."

A sigh envelops my ear, and my body stiffens.

Gilbert: "When your heart is weak, it will permeate. Even if it's malicious kindness…"

Gilbert: "Just be relieved that I'm here."   //   "I'm relieved that I came." **

Emma: ". . . . . ."

Gilbert: "It's natural to get tired of being maligned day in and day out."

Gilbert: "What's the point of you going to all this trouble?"

(Stop…)

Gilbert: "In the first place, Belle only needs to identify the princes. Preparations for the celebration are an added bonus."

Gilbert: "If you realize that it's impossible to understand each other through communication, why don't you just back out now?"

Today, Prince Gilbert's kindness is a deadly poison.

The shaking of my heart is proof that I'm that weak.

As I stood there, Prince Gilbert held out a shiny silver object to me.

Emma: "This is..."

Gilbert: "The lock on the warehouse. It's not something a commoner would use."

Gilbert: "I think the nobles had a lot of money to spare and prepared it for you on short notice."

(… I thought it was one of the servants who locked me in the warehouse.)

It was the servant who became blatantly cold after attending the regular meeting of the festival.

The nobleman ostensibly greeted me minimally, but—

Gilbert: "It may be the servant who has been harassing you these past few days. But behind it all is a nobleman."

Gilbert: "Hey, do you remember the man who used the children in the orphanage for his business?"

Gilbert: "Someone who thought that "those who are higher in status have the right to do as they please with those lower in status."

Emma: "… I remember."

(How could I forget?)

I remember the day when I thought it was impossible to understand each other with conflicting values.

Gilbert: "In this case, the "lower person" is a servant."

Gilbert: "He is afraid to touch you because you are under the protection of Chevalier. Therefore, he gives orders to those below him."

Gilbert: "Even if the perpetrator is caught, the noble will probably get away with it because his servant did it on their own."

Gilbert: "The servant will be punished if he doesn't obey orders. That's why he's cornering you."

Emma: ". . . . . ."

Gilbert: "Do you still think communication is possible?"

Prince Gilbert has no mercy.

He tries to precisely pierce and break down the most vulnerable parts of my heart.

(I've tried many times to communicate over the last few days.)

(But as a result, here we are.)

Emma: "Certainly, it may have been a naive idea to think that something could be done through communication."

I had to admit that it was beautiful idealism.

Gilbert: "Give up now?"

Emma: "No... When I learned about the Blood-Stained Rose Day, I knew there was a gap that would never be filled."

Emma: "If words fail to reach them, then attitude is the only way."

(If I do my best, I'm sure I'll be fine…)

A loud sigh is heard.

Gilbert: "Your idea is gut-wrenching."

Gilbert: "They say if you don't give up, we can understand each other."

Emma: "… If I give up, we will never be able to understand each other."

(Sometimes I can pass it off as okay, but not this time.)

If we throw everything away, the cold world will not change, and the gap will not be filled.

(And... what those who are against me now are doing is the same as the anti-monarchists.)

(He tries to impose his will by appealing to violence…)

(I don't want to think that such an approach is right.)

Gilbert: "There are a lot of people in this world who don't understand each other. Not everyone is a good-natured person like you."

Emma: ". . . . . ."

While I have ideals, I'm not too young to dream.

I know that Prince Gilbert's words contain the whole truth of the world.

(Still, I want to believe in it.)

I shrugged my shoulders as I stood still, and Prince Gilbert grabbed the equipment box.

He then took a white rose ornament for the festival from inside and placed it on my hand.

Gilbert: "A white rose looks good on you, pure as you are."

Gilbert: "But—"

His slender, beautiful fingers wrapped around the rose.

When he squeezed it and pulled away, the white had turned to black.

(Amazing… Is this another magic trick?)

Prince Gilbert walks away without saying a word.

I don't know what the black rose left in my hand means.

(I…)

(I prefer the white roses.)

══════════════════

Emma: "… Haa."

As soon as I'm alone, I collapse onto my back on the bed.

The fatigue that surged through me was several times greater than usual.

(I hope I deceived Yves properly.)

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

Yves: "No more! How long does it take to get the supplies!?"

Yves: "You're not hurt, are you? I'm sure there must be a reason you came late?"

Yves: "What happened? Tell me everything."

Emma: "Nothing happened. I just couldn't figure out where all the equipment was…"

Gilbert: ". . . . . ."

Emma: "Sorry for being late."

Yves: "Oh, I'm not blaming you for being late…"

Yves: "… I just want to make sure you're safe."

Yves: "Um… Are you sure you're okay?"

Emma: "Yes. I'm fine."

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

Emma: "I'm fine…"

(I feel like I've been saying that a lot lately.)

(. . . . . .)

(The truth is, it's painful.)

(There's no way I'm fine.)

(I don't have the strength to be disdained and unconcerned like Prince Gilbert…)

(Recently, I've been afraid to get involved with people.)

Slowly, the ceiling blurs.

My eyes were hot and painful.

(As long as there are wounds from Blood-Stained Rose Day, no matter what I do, I can't reach them.)

(… I want to run away.)

(I just... can't say it.)

I have no intention of running away. That was my true intention.

But my heart wants to run away. That's also true.

(No one is here right now…)

(… Just a little bit.)

Emotions overflowed so much that I almost burst into sobs.

Emma: "…sobs…"

???: "Wow, you're crying. Poor thing."

Emma: "!?"

(…… Eh.)

(No, maybe I'm just hearing things in my head.)

I am suddenly afraid to get up and just want to pass out.

However, a refreshing smile suddenly interrupted my field of vision, which had been filled with the ceiling.

Emma: "Wha…"

Gilbert: "You must have let your guard down. But too bad, I wouldn't leave such a fun situation unattended."

Gilbert: "I was waiting in front of your room, making sure my presence went unnoticed."

(Woah… woah!?)

Even though I know it's too late now, I raised my upper body and covered my face with my hands.

(He didn't see me... how could he!)

(This is the worst… I've been seen by the person I least want to be seen by!)

I looked through the gap between my fingers and saw that Prince Gilbert was smiling as if he were in a good mood.

He seems to enjoy my tears.

Gilbert: "Oh, and I am here to remind you about the cookies. You promised me 1,000 cookies, right?"

Emma: "… Please wait five minutes."

Gilbert: "As much as you want. In the meantime, I'll look around your room."

Emma: "No, please don't!"

(Why are you so merciless!?)

This is no time to cry over sentimentality.

Gilbert: "Didn't I let you look around my room before?"

Gilbert: "I wonder if you have something to be so flustered about."

Gilbert: "But don't worry. Even if you have embarrassing proclivities, I will still accept you…"

Gilbert: "I'll keep quiet about it to the people around us. …Maybe."

Emma: "I have no such proclivities!"

Gilbert: "Then there's no problem if I look around, right?"

(There is nothing bad to be seen, though…!)

There is an unspeakable embarrassment about someone of the opposite sex searching in my room.

After wiping my tears and preparing to head to the kitchen in a hurry, Gilbert-sama stopped in front of the desk.

Gilbert: "Have you read this?"

When he said "this," he pointed at the black book.

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

Gilbert: "You can keep it. You always wanted to read it, right?"

Emma: "Are you sure?"

Gilbert: "Of course. That's a very popular book in my country."

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

Emma: "Yes… I read halfway through."

I've been reading a little bit during my busy days at the court, but I still have more than half a page left.

Usually, if I had it, I would have finished reading it in a few days, but I couldn't.

The heroine, who sticks to her noble convictions no matter what kind of conspiracy she encounters—her way of being remains unchanged in the sequel,

Now it seeps into the myriad wounds that have formed in my heart.

Emma: "I thought about it again, but the main character of that book is amazing."

Emma: "Confronting the insidious crimes in the court many times…"

Emma: "No matter what obstacles stand in her way, she keeps looking forward and never cries or looks down."

Emma: "She had a dazzlingly pure and beautiful heart, and even the people around her were inspired by her…"

Emma: "… I don't think I can do it"

Gilbert: ". . . . . ."

(Which is completely different from my current situation.)

Every time I was confronted with the ideal of the story, I hit a wall, wondering why things didn't go well.

The hand that I unconsciously gripped hurts.

Gilbert: "The girl in the book might have cried, too, just not written down, you know?"   //   "The girl in the book might have been crying just because it wasn't written, right?"

Gilbert: "Even a girl with a beautiful heart has troubles and pains. It's natural because she’s human."

Gilbert: "… It's just that the author missed it."

Gilbert: "I've been imagining a girl who smiles happily every day, but I just haven't gotten to the deepest parts of her life." **

Emma: "I... see."

Gilbert: "That's right."

(Why are you so confident?)

Turning his back to the book, Prince Gilbert reached out to me.

A cold hand felt good on my flushed cheeks.

Gilbert: "Honestly, I thought you were a young woman who never cried."

Emma: "… I do cry too."

Gilbert: "Yeah, it seems so. But you care about others and hide it."

Gilbert: "You keep killing your heart by saying "I'm fine"…"

Gilbert: "In the end, you will become a beast like me."

Emma: ". . . . . ."

(It's like…)

(... It's like a real experience.)

Gilbert: "Crying means you are still human."

Gilbert: "You should take such good care of yourself."

Gilbert: "If you keep lying that you're fine, then I'll see... okay?" ***

I felt his emotionless red eye flicker slightly, and I gasped.

The heartbeat is very loud.

(…… No.)

(Prince Gilbert is also the reason why I am like this now.)

Gilbert: "Hey, do you want me to comfort you?"

Emma: "N-No…"

Gilbert: "Where do you want to be bitten?"

Emma: "What kind of comfort is that!?"

Gilbert: "You have no right to complain about my methods."

Gilbert: "Do you want the cheeks? Do you want the neck?"

Emma: "If you bite me, I'll bite you back."

Gilbert: "Heh, you want to…?"

Gilbert: "That's good. I'll make a special exception."

Emma: "Uh…"

Gilbert: "You can bite my cheek, my neck, my fingers—anywhere you want, okay? Here you go."

A cold thumb gently presses my lips, and a smile prompts me to "bite".

Emma: "I'm... just kidding."

Gilbert: "What, you liar."

(I shouldn't have said anything so carelessly.)

Gilbert: ". . . . . ."

Emma: "Prince Gilbert?"

When I thought he was rudely looking into my face, he pinched me with his fingers that were cupping my cheek.

(It really hurts…!)

Gilbert: "It's boring. You've already stopped crying."

He pulls my cheeks as if to spite me, and Prince Gilbert's lips pout in disapproval.

Gilbert: "I thought it was funny to see you cry."

Emma: "Forget about it!"

Gilbert: "Ahaha, who are you talking to?"

(Really, the tears retracted before I knew it.)

(Thanks to Prince Gilbert)

After being fondled on my wet cheeks, I am finally released.

--No way. 

Gilbert: "Come on, let's go, Little Bunny."

Gilbert: "I won't let you sleep tonight, okay?"

(Well, I wouldn't be able to sleep if I had to make 1,000 cookies…)

Prince Gilbert opens the door and prompts me.

He is forceful, like a bad guy, but his purpose is transparent.

(Because there is kindness covered with malice…)

Emma: "… It's not fair."

Gilbert: "…? Did you say something?"

Emma: "No, nothing."

Emma: "Just… thank you."

Gilbert: "My kindness has bad intentions, okay?"

Emma: "Still, I feel a little better. I feel like I can do my best again tomorrow."

Gilbert: "… You do that a lot."

Emma: "I cried, but I don't want to give up."

Emma: "And besides, it's a good thing that Prince Gilbert came to Rhodolite…"

Emma: "As I thought, I want you to fall in love with me."   //   "After all, I want you to like me."

Gilbert: ". . . . . ."

Gilbert: "Is that what you were thinking?"

Emma: "… I was thinking. I wanted you to like me so much that you wouldn't want to trample Rhodolite."

(I feel strongly about this now that I know about the feud on Blood-Stained Rose Day.)

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

Clavis: "… The past will never go away no matter what we do."

Clavis: "On top of that, we have to choose what is best for the future."

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

Prince Gilbert's expression disappears for a moment in response to his "friend" with ulterior motives.

Gilbert: "It's up to you, Little Bunny. Good luck?"

(… I wonder what that face means.)

The tears withdrew and the pain subsided.

But the more annoying palpitations did not disappear for a while.

══════════════════

Late at night, when the signs of sunrise began to appear, a figure appeared without making a sound.

Gilbert: "—… Welcome back, Roderich. How's it going?"

A man with a black hood pulled over his eyes kneels in front of his master, who sits on a bed and crosses his legs.

Roderich: "Most of them are nobles of third class or lower. Here are the details."

Prince Gilbert, who received the submitted document, lifted the edge of his mouth.

Gilbert: "It's just... so many little things, it's not even worth hunting."

Gilbert: "Oh, but just get rid of this guy."

Roderich: "Why?"

Gilbert: "Amusement is allowed. But…"

A needle was taken out from somewhere, and he pierced over the name written on it.

It seemed to be more than just a needle and caused a faint blur on the paper.

Roderich: "… Is it poison?"

Gilbert: "It came out of a book in Little Rabbit's room."

Gilbert: "I have to let them know what will happen if they mess with what's mine... right?"

Roderich: "Yes, sir."

Roderich: "But you seem to like her a lot."

Gilbert: "Fufu... does it look like that?"

Roderich: "Was it wrong?"

Gilbert: "Yeah, unfortunately."

He glances at the large pile of cookies on the table, and his smile disappears.

Gilbert: "The more I learn about her, the worse it gets. It's really frustrating to see."

Roderich: ". . . . . ."

Gilbert: "I was going to give her a quiet moment for the big day, but when she asked me to like her, I decided not to."   // "I thought about giving her a break for the big day, but when she told me to fall in love with her, I decided not to."

Gilbert: "In the first place, I don't have time."

Roderich: ". . . . . ."

Gilbert: "Let's give the little rabbit more malice than ever before."

Gilbert: "—I hate white roses."

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