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bethanydelleman · 1 year

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Darcy’s Reaction is SO REAL (and aspirational)

For those who write Jane Austen FF, any FF, or just write, or just read good stuff, one of the most skillful things that Jane Austen does, which we should all aspire to do, is give her characters legitimate reactions to criticism.

For example, Darcy learning that Jane actually was in love with Bingley and that *gasp* his judgement might have been wrong or biased. His reaction is a perfect display of real human behaviour.

First, he denies wrongdoing: “I have no wish of denying that I did everything in my power to separate my friend from your sister, or that I rejoice in my success. Towards him I have been kinder than towards myself.” or in other words, “I did the right thing, I have nothing to be sorry for.”

Second, in the letter, he excuses/explains:

Your sister I also watched. Her look and manners were open, cheerful, and engaging as ever, but without any symptom of peculiar regard; and I remained convinced, from the evening’s scrutiny, that though she received his attentions with pleasure, she did not invite them by any participation of sentiment. If you have not been mistaken here, I must have been in an error. Your superior knowledge of your sister must make the latter probable. If it be so, if I have been misled by such error to inflict pain on her, your resentment has not been unreasonable. But I shall not scruple to assert, that the serenity of your sister’s countenance and air was such as might have given the most acute observer a conviction that, however amiable her temper, her heart was not likely to be easily touched. That I was desirous of believing her indifferent is certain; but I will venture to say that my investigations and decisions are not usually influenced by my hopes or fears. I did not believe her to be indifferent because I wished it; I believed it on impartial conviction, as truly as I wished it in reason. My objections to the marriage were not merely those which I last night... [explains how terrible her family is and what he did to separate them]... I cannot blame myself for having done thus much. There is but one part of my conduct, in the whole affair, on which I do not reflect with satisfaction; it is that I condescended to adopt the measures of art so far as to conceal from him your sister’s being in town. I knew it myself, as it was known to Miss Bingley; but her brother is even yet ignorant of it. That they might have met without ill consequence is, perhaps, probable; but his regard did not appear to me enough extinguished for him to see her without some danger. Perhaps this concealment, this disguise, was beneath me. It is done, however, and it was done for the best. On this subject I have nothing more to say, no other apology to offer. If I have wounded your sister’s feelings, it was unknowingly done; and though the motives which governed me may to you very naturally appear insufficient, I have not yet learnt to condemn them.

If you read this carefully, it’s not an apology. As much as he says he might have been wrong, but he doubts it and he’s not sorry. He still thinks it was the best thing to be done. Even after he admits that Elizabeth probably knows her sister best, he goes on and on about how Jane doesn’t appear to be in love. It is pretty clear, especially from the ending lines, that Darcy still thinks he is right.

Then Darcy sits on this information for several months, which is how long it took him to come around to the idea that he was in error. When Darcy and Elizabeth meet at Pemberley, Darcy begins the third step: making amends. Darcy must have told Bingley that Elizabeth was in Lambton and invited him to visit her. Darcy would have known that bringing together Bingley and Elizabeth would reawaken Bingley’s feelings about Jane.

Lastly and most importantly, Darcy doesn't stop being himself. He relies foremost on his own judgement. He does admit that he was wrong about Jane before, which means he accepted Elizabeth’s account, but he still investigates himself:

“...I told him, moreover, that I believed myself mistaken in supposing, as I had done, that your sister was indifferent to him; and as I could easily perceive that his attachment to her was unabated, I felt no doubt of their happiness together.”

“Did you speak from your own observation,” said she, “when you told him that my sister loved him, or merely from my information last spring?”

“From the former. I had narrowly observed her, during the two visits which I had lately made her here; and I was convinced of her affection.”

Darcy doesn’t change "in essentials", he just accepts that he might have been wrong and tries again from a new perspective. This is very true to human nature, we can adjust, but we can’t change the whole of who we are as people.

This is part of why Jane Austen’s novels feel so genuine and the characters feel so real. Many characters never get past denying they did anything wrong (John Dashwood, John Thorpe, Lydia Bennet), or wallowing in the excuse phase (Willoughby, Isabella Thorpe, Mr. Bennet). Very rarely does anyone, even in real life attempt a true, positive change in their general behaviour.

But when and if they do, it would look something like what Jane Austen wrote.

#jane austen genius #jane austen #pride and prejudice #mr. darcy #inspiration for writers #not changing in essentials #JAFF #slow down your soul searching journeys #jane bennet #charles bingley #elizabeth bennet

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th4t-bug · 2 months

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Here is chapter one of Bug's origin story! Ao3 for those who don't like reading on Tumblr:

And now, here we go, because I have gotten the first five followers of this blog as of last night.

The Beginning

(Chapter One of "The Bug")

It's strange, really, how much my life changed in the span of three short months. It feels like forever ago, but I can still remember how this all started so clearly.

I was walking home from school, by myself. It was late, I had to make up a test in one class, and earlier that day had earned myself a detention in another. That's not the point though, what really matters is that it was dark out already when I left. I nervously peeked around each and every alley I passed on the sidewalk, around there I was more worried about getting mugged than the cold- for good reason.

The sound was faint, down an alleyway I was coming up on, but I would already recognize the sound of breaking glass anywhere. My mouth went ever so slightly dry, my backpack heavy on my shoulders, and I made what must be one of the dumbest decisions of my life.

With my hand on the wall, I peeked around the corner.

“Anybody There?” I whispered my words before I processed anything, my throat tightening at the sight before me. I'm still glad to this day that I was so great at being silent, even back then. There, down the alley, was a man, tall, and a nasty scar along the side of his neck. He held a broken glass bottle in his hand, no doubt the cause of the sound I had heard earlier.

And, most importantly to me at the time, backed against the wall in front of him, was Maddie Lane.

Maddie and I weren't friends. I didn't know her that well, but she seemed like a nice girl. And then, as we silently made eye contact over that evil man’s shoulder, she looked so scared. I don't exactly remember what the man said to her, something about money- I just know that I had to act, to do something, and I did before even thinking about it or its consequences.

My backpack was heavy, like a bag full of rocks with how much stuff I had to keep in there, so it’s surprising I was able to slide it off of my shoulders so quickly without hurting myself- and hurl it at the man.

My improvised projectile hit the man solidly in the head with a force that surprised me. The guy didn't even have time to react, the hit was angled enough for the man to fall and hit the brick wall of the side of the alleyway with the back of his head. There was a sickening crack and I fought the urge to heave as I watched the man's eyes roll back into his skull, his form slumped on the ground. There was the sound of my backpack heavily hitting the ground somewhere in the commotion, but if it was before or after the man went unconscious, I couldn't tell you, and there was a shriek (although I don't know if it was Maddie who made that sound, or me).

I was breathing heavily, my vision was a blur, and I was unable to look away from the man's body for a moment before I shook my head and looked up at Maddie, seeing the shock in her brown eyes. “Are…” I trailed off with a nervous swallow, I could still feel my hands traveling. Finally, the words managed to leave my throat, “Are you okay?”

Sure, it might have been a basic question, but that's all I could think of to say. I wanted to make sure she was alright, after what had happened.

Maddie took a deep breath, looking at me as if I was no more than a hallucination. “Yeah, I think so.” She mumbled out, sounding like she was trying to detach from the situation itself.

I was concerned, sure, but to say the least the situation felt awkward. Sure, me and Maddie shared the same English class, but we didn't really know each other. I didn't know what to say, and with the all the events that led up to this- I didn't want Maddie to think I found her ‘just in time' because I had been following her, which wasn't the case. I eventually settled on the most generic question I could think of.

“...how’d this happen?” Okay, so it may have been a very bad thing to ask given the delicate situation, but my brain pulled up blanks everywhere else. Maddie shook herself out of her stupor and shrugged, saying that it was sudden and she didn't know. It didn't sound like the truth, but I didn't push her.

I nodded and walked forward with a grimace last the still unconscious man to pick up my backpack, hoping nothing in it was broken. “Do you need me to walk you home?” I asked after a moment, but it was more of a formality than anything. Maddie, thankfully, did not take me up on my offer and shook her head. “No- no, I think I can get home safe from here.”

I nodded again, it was for the best really, we were both still a bit shaken up and I preferred being alone when something was disturbing me. “Good… I guess I'll see you tomorrow?” I said as I slung my backpack back onto my shoulders. Maddie nodded awkwardly and her brown eyes glanced away, “Yeah.”

We stood silently in that alleyway for a moment in front of each other before Maddie said her goodbyes, turned away, and left. It was a strange moment, but I didn't notice anything distinctly wrong with Maddie at the time. I sighed heavily, glancing back at the man who was still unconscious on the ground of the dirty alley. I was starting to get concerned, if he was knocked out that long he could have gained brain damage from the situation.

I, however, didn't feel particularly inclined to call an ambulance or the police, as I wanted to get home soon. I simply tried to steady myself, and I resumed the walk home.

It was dark, but my parents weren't back yet- as usual, they wouldn't be until morning. I let myself in the house, and stumbled down the hall to my room. I set my backpack on the floor next to my bed, gently so as to not risk damaging anything.

I wasn't hungry. I had eaten on the walk home from school- before seeing Maddie. But mostly, that man's unconscious body, the sound of that sickening crack- it had unnerved any sense of an appetite I may have had that night.

I crawled into bed after kicking off my socks and shoes, but otherwise didn't bother changing. That situation, all of it had exhausted me, more than I would have thought with how much worse it could have been. My green eyes stared up and spaced out at my blank white ceiling, and I got to thinking.

I mean, sure, I knew the crime rate in my city was pretty high, too high to be considered safe, but in my neighborhood it really did get bad at night. I blindly reached to the side, turning off the lamp on my night table, the blinds of my window had already been pulled shut. The room became nearly pitch black aside from the soft light of my phone, I always preferred it like that to go to sleep.

My eyelids felt heavy, I put on my wireless headphones for music and shut off my phone, placing it on the nightstand to charge. I thought of Maddie, what might have happened if I had passed her by. I sighed softly, closing my eyes, the last thought that crossed my mind before I slept was ‘maybe it's possible for me to help people more?’

Which, of course it was.

The next morning, I went through my usual routine, feeling like a passenger in my own body. I got up, dressed in clean clothes, brushed my teeth- all the works. I did so quietly, not wanting to wake my parents who would have gotten home only two hours or so before.

I don't remember thinking a lot that day, it was mostly a blur of memories from the night before. I ate breakfast on a TV tray in the living room, cleaned up a bit, and grabbed my backpack before leaving for school. I made a point to pass the alleyway from before on the way, it made my heart jump to my throat, but the man wasn't there any more- so at least he hadn't died there (as I had almost nearly convinced myself of).

I continued on my way to school, got there- yadda yadda yadda. I will be completely honest here, the only thing I remember noticing that day is that Maddie Lane was missing from her seat in my English class.

Luckily, that day, I didn't have to stay after school as I had the day before. So the walk home from school was not in the dark, but it still had me on edge, checking around every corner. It wasn't too cold, I was always resistant to temperature changes. It was about two or three months from the first snow of the year, but my jacket was zipped all the way up- I guess somehow it made me feel safer.

I did the same thing I did the night before, checking down the alley ways on my usual path home. I didn't stumble along anything bad, not for my area at least, but getting closer to my house seeing the trash and broken items on the dirty ground left a sour taste in my mouth.

The city wasn't great, hell, it was far from it. It was dirty and ridden with crime. But, for me, it was home- well, the area of my neighborhood was at least. One person could not fix all of this, it would take a miracle, a hero, even a grade A superhero to really help. However, I was no hero. But I was a rather stubborn kid who had seen some horrible things, and I wanted to help.

So, for the life of me, I was going to try.

#not bug #bug writing #writing #original writing #original character #ask blog #Bug writing chapter one #im pretty sure this is growing quite quickly for me haha #first person writing #im sorry i cant do third person right now :']#i got this down digital during my computer apps class haha #by the way if anyone is confused this is before Bug was mutated. if i didnt makw that clear enough.

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viviennelamb · 6 months

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Hello, Vivienne!

Since you've been getting supportive and interesting messages for the past several days I have decided to also join in and say what I think.

Just like the last poster something traumatic had happened to me and I turned to obsession with material world, radfeminism and more. I recall over buying stuff a lot. I'm not going to say that I am at the peak of spiritual enlightenment, I'll admit I still do things that do not benefit me and can be considered spiritual self harm like self sabotage during manifestation and progress towards the best. However your blog(s) had turned my life upside down. I felt better and freer after reading them. And most importantly the feelings of uneasiness or tightness in head or chest almost completely disappeared.

You were right about people being angry about stuff and that being their only life fuel. My ego acted exactly like this. I would get to my diaries and write down shit about those who angered me. And I was afraid of having an ego death because I was convinced it will turn me into something I do not want to be. Which CLEARLY is a lie. It was my self defense mechanism and that is it. Majority has it working like that too. The realisation came to me after months of watching political youtubers. They DID act the same, look the same and when I looked around I saw everyone else was too. I thought I was cynical for that thought but as I grew up it proved itself right. People look and act the same. It is not cynical. It is the truth.

Another thing I noticed was me being always at the frequency of Fear. And while I was not obsessed with males, I did feed myself defeatist content all the time about their degeneracy. Resolving ego's shit WILL and DOES lead to this obsession being dissolved, because you no longer need to be with them or even hate them. They are non existent to you. Women do not have it because if they will they will no longer appeal to normalcy or something similar. And they are afraid of change. All this combined is a recipe for disaster.

Your writings pulled me out of this hole of despair. I do not regret my past anymore, knowing damn well it was there to teach me a lesson, do not fear random things (even "curses") because I know I am higher than that, take accountability and actively bring in the things I want in my life through thoughts and actions. Majority doesn't want accountability for their actions this is why manifestation is also hated imho

Thank you for your writings and everything you have done to women who are waking up💞💕

Hello Sekwai,

I conducted a thought experiment where I posted the same stuff as before but with a different (occult) mindset. My mindset is reflected in my actions. It is better to give without expecting anything in return. Giving more often leads to criticism because of the average person's negativity bias, but it's part of the journey to Christ-Consciousness. Occultism (in the literal sense) fosters a scarcity mindset where Truth hides from the occultist in return.

When you ascend to greater spiritual heights you will see that everything you're doing is in perfect alignment with where you want to be. What you are experiencing is the journey; "sabotage and setbacks" are tools for your ability to fully appreciate what you've received because you will get what you need without a shadow of a doubt.

The only way you can delay your manifestation is to hold on to it because you believe it's not working. You should meditate on a manifestation for 15 minutes then let it go. The second you get up from your meditation, you are generating that manifestation in real-time. This is also referred to as timeline jumping - your manifestation is making its way to you. You already did all the work. Even if you want to control every moment, the conscious mind is not able to do that without years or decades of devoted meditation. So the best advice is to cast your burdens unto God. Focusing on what is directly related to what you wish to manifest instead of the Science of Manifestation itself is what puts you in the flow state.

Person: God, I'm ready to commit to you! 🥰

God: Great! Let me show you the front porch of Heaven. 🥹

Person: Oh wait, there's this nice purse I was looking at. I want to complete this one last goal before I go up there with you.

God: Sure, no problem. I'll be right here waiting for you. steps aside and sits on a nearby bench for years, not moving an inch

Person: I'm back! I got what I wanted it wasn't that great but I found something even better. I was hoping you could help me out this time...

God: Of course. I am ready to give all of my children everlasting peace, but now you ask for... shoes. Okay well, I'll be here when you're ready.

Everything is the purse and shoes: a spouse, a career, a vacation and anything else material. When the manifestor chooses God over everything (i.e. becomes the Soul), every manifestation will work through the state of Love. She can detach and attract things instantly. She knows what she needs is coming soon, so she relaxes and becomes a magnet for what she needs.

The Ego is filthy and repels due to its blockages of doubt, fear and lack of gratitude, such individuals can only attract effortlessly once her electromagnetism is clean. I cannot tell you have many times my Ego attracted something "I" thought I "wanted," but when it arrived the grass wasn't greener, but a swamp. You'll get to a point where although you don't actively desire anything, everything you need will show up in your reality at the right moment and then you will feel like you have everything. But for now you must experience what you're feeling as a lesson.

Some people call it luck, but those who are closer to God understand it as Karmic Physics. Manifestation coaches are not reliable because they can't explain why certain circumstances happen in life because they are struggling, but are hiding it. One is only free when they stop struggling against their will - this is true privilege. Meditation is the most important thing one can do to reverse her fallen nature.

The phrase "you can't have your cake and eat it too" is for the majority of the planet because that's what they do. To maximize one's manifestation is counter to what most are saying but it's to stop asking and start creating the circumstances you want in that moment... God doesn't ask or procrastinate. If you have time to worry, you have time to work and working is the best way to get what you want; everything appears along your path to your destination.

The happiness we all seek is only in God. In this state of mind, there is no wanting or avoiding, just being. You will understand this soon once you get everything you want. It won't hit like you think you will and it wil come with a set of its own problems because that is how the byzantine Ego works. I use the word "need" instead of "want" because the Ego typically wants frivolous objects or circumstances to validate its existence, but if you are going after your soul-passion and you need something to further your craft, it will often appear without you having to ask. The Soul will bring you to something in the physical realm and you think "oh that's cool," let it go and it comes into your possession later in divine timing which is why advertising is incredibly important to companies. There are zero limitations or obstacles when you wish to achieve something.

Most people don't strive for greatness, but mediocrity and work very hard to make their mediocrity seem interesting by attacking what other people choose to do with their lives. The profane often stalk and harass people who have "unattainable" goals and spend a mentally ill amount of time placing doubt into their minds which is what Satan does.

Once the mundane achieve their big 3 goals, their daily goal is to faithlessly consume and hedonistically hoard material items until they die. I don't blame them because what else is there for them to do? I think these people exist to make achievers work harder to get the fuck out. Manifestation content is flooded with things that are very easy to get which is why it lost my interest quickly.

I'm more interested in overcoming my animal nature - complete autonomy from the outside world, living purely on Source Energy; this is advanced, but there are beliefs that are more deeply ingrained in the population than something like patriarchy. Decolonizing the mind in that aspect is beginner and almost everybody struggles with that, so I have nothing to say to the average person.

Men and women are the same if they have the same thoughts, speak the same and partake in the same actions. In (real) non-duality, the Soul is freed from the prison of the False Self and gender, race, and age will go out the window along with all worldly desires. Most people are not here yet and it's not accidental, it takes years of committed work through meditation (silence and solitude). Books on the hermetic principles consider males and females opposites because the feminine and masculine principle is about the third-dimensional consciousness known as body-consciousness. Once you operate from Oneness you will know the Law of Resonance is in full effect and the one law is Karmic Law.

Don't take this as me denying anything you've said, but there's no "past." What helps is to think of your life like a play and the world is your stage. If you watch shows about heroes, they start out regular, clumsy, and awkward, go through a traumatic event, begin to see reality for what it is and undergo a transformation where she has a specific trait that can save lives. Everybody has the potential for this, but most people wallow in fear, self-doubt and selfishness. The biggest problem is mimicry. The general population cannot comprehend that diversity and being different from one another is a good thing.

There is nothing to fear, I truly and honestly mean it. If you die and don't finish what you thought you had to do, God will align the stars from you to come back and pick up right where you left off. I won't get into this because this is already quite long, but the reason why evil forces have implemented an endless amount of distractions is so the average person dies with sex, celebrity gossip or fanfiction on their mind. So they come back and become a consumer again. Detach from all outcomes, but you will know when it's time to go all in on your soul-purpose.

You're a sweetheart for thanking me, but it is your Soul (you) who you should be thanking. You are receptive to the mirror you are being shown about yourself and you're open to working earnestly... this is a promising sign of being blessed. Keep going :)

#ask #law of manifestation #manifesting #manifesation #meditation #spirituality #soul journey #karma #yoga

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giantologist · 7 months

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Hello professor.

I have found myself in a very difficult situation. Never knew much about giants, they seemed scary but I mostly felt neutral towards them. This has changed ever since i was awoken in the middle of the night by the the sounds of distant cries the last season.

I was scared at first. Never seen a 50 ft creatures before, but... He was just a lost boy, more scared of me than I was scared of him somehow. His name is Arvid, he looked to be around 6 years old, his parents were gone... I offered him shelter, thankfully my barn was large enough to give him a roof, at least for now...

He's such a sweet boy but, I'm scared for the future, i don't know anything about giants!!! I think it might best for him to be adopted by another giant but... This might be selfish of me but, I'm very attached to the boy, and he seems to be attached to me too, last night he called me papa!!!! then immediately apologized but I had to hide my smile. im also scared in terms of my resources to provide for him, but i think i can manage... For now at least.

I've already started reading up your works because of my limited knowledge but can you quench some doubts for me? Is he gonna grow old in the same time a human child would? That's a major concern of mine...and most importantly, am i making the right choice? Am i hurting Arvid more than helping him by keeping him with me? I live alone on the country side, there's a village nearby but I ain't exactly part of a community that can help me.

Thank you for the time,

- A very lost sort of giant's dad

Hello!

Dear me, what a tale. I would say to you that if you aren't comfortable with the responsibility then you should probably try to find him some surrogate parents. At the very least a giant who could find someone willing to adopt him (we may think giants are far away from one another but to them they're neighbours). By the time you are old, he will be bordering on being of age, possibly the younger side, but certainly old enough to be on his own. You are possibly looking at a decade's worth of childcare, a further one of preteen, and so on.

If you, and Arvid, decide that you shan't be parted from one another, you must set rules in place for him as soon as you can. Habits form early, and keeping a schedule with him will be beneficial. I would advise you to seek out those in the neighbouring village for aid, even if you aren't a part of the community. It sounds as if you are a farmer, and while some large helping hands would make light work, you would need a tutor for him considering the lack of free time. As he grows larger I expect he will keep your yeild plentiful enough to support himself as well as you, so I wouldn't worry about that for now. If you do find yourself in a bind, however, there are plenty of giants I am friends with that could lend a hand. You need only send me another letter.

Whatever your decision, I hope for nothing but happiness for you both!

Professor J Finch

#queries

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thinkpink212 · 10 months

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♡ Taking Myself There ♡

The past few days had me wanting to gain overview over my life; specifically to look at where I am, where I desire to be, who I desire to become, all of it!

In short, for a moment I had lost track of what I wanted to do in life. I quit University 3.5 semesters in because I didn’t belive it could get me there the why I wanted & it was overall just the wrong time in my life. I lost friends, making me doubt everything even further. Covid hit, and life just sunk into more chaos. I left many people, including the person I was. With most of my family cut off, being homeless for months & staying places I wasn’t welcomed or felt entirely safe in — I’ve managed to turn my life around in such a short time. Physically, emotionally and mentally I am now ready again to fully commit to myself & the goals I’ve had since I could remember

I’ve managed to move into a place that feels like home.

I’ve managed to pass an exam I’ve been battling for 3 years.

I’ve made new friends, and met Incredible people

And most importantly, I’ve become the person I needed all those years ago. But she’s here now and now I feel ready to jump in with both feet.

My Goals have always fluctuated as I’ve never been a very ‘one goal’ orientated person. I’ve been a full time artist, worked in the receptionist world, retail & sales advisor. But all of those always felt like they lacked something or were more so a means to gain the financial stability that was needed for me to to what I truly wanted to do—

I’ve never been one that desired working, but when the work didn’t feel like work I was all on board! This goes for all things astrology, tarot readings, drawing & painting whatever I felt like creating. And most importantly, writing.

I have two main goals in this life

♡ Becoming A Publish Author

Ever since I could remember, I loved reading. I loved hearing stories and telling them! I’ve always been a very imaginative person, very creative, and I’m always told I’m great with words — and I believe it. I have tales I wish to share, tales I know will inspire more then I already have & tales to inspire myself to keep going. Nothing brings me mroe joy then when I am typing away, lost in my little worlds.

♡ Becoming Financially Secure

I do not need bilions but I know I’ll make more money then I’ll ever need. It’ll be enough money to never worry about unexpected expenses or those around me struggling. I’ll have more then enough to leave my future generations with financial security. I have known luxury, and I’ll know it again.

So now what? It’s simple really, I just need to do what I’ve always done — persist, and go after what I know is already mine. It’ll take determination, discipline, persistency, but also it’ll take for me to rest when rest needs to be had. Asking for help when help is needed.

Soon I’ll graduate and become a certified massage therapist — a job I already know is very fulfilling, and despite the physical and emotional taxation, it’s something I see myself doing while I write my stories & get closer to financial stability.

The idea of doing all of this brings me such internal peace and warmth.

The rest of the year will be a time of…

♡ Saving, living within my means and reminding myself that this is a sacrifice for a better tomorrow

♡ Making writing my all, just how it used to be. The stories are in my mind already, and many are created weekly, but focus and determination will get me there

♡ Knowing when to rest, because my sleep, sanity or overall health should not be compromised for something that can be resumed tomorrow.

♡ Continue to be my own peace, saying no more and focusing on this endeavor

I’ll be Enjoy the journey. It’ll take a while, and I know because I’ve inspired others to write. Friends, and my cousins have written and published their work (some are still not there but aren’t giving up) and seeing how long it took them, but their determination got them there, is inspirational. I planted a seed and now they all have trees and I’m so proud. Now it’s my turn to plant my seeds and watch them grow. I’m ready!

And I start today —

All updates will be made under #ThinkpinkJourney if you would like to follow along my journey to success

#thinkpink thoughts #perosnal #soft life #goals #author #financial stability #week 1 #manifesting #manifestation #goals setting #determination #black girl manifest #thinkpink manifest #aspiring author #massage therapist #lifestyle #about me #thinkpink journey #taking myself there

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femmespoiled · 9 months

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is it normal to feel like you might not actually be femme bc of your physical appearance? every femme i've ever seen just had this natural beauty and glow, and i just don't have that, i'm ugly. i feel really drawn to the identity in every other way, but i feel like a monster next to other femmes. like.. if i look so different and feel like that there has to be a reason, maybe because im something else. and yeah technically i know femme doesn't have a specific body type or look, but i don't think ugly femmes exist.

I feel like in their own way almost every femme has felt like that, unfortunately, anon, like they don't belong or really inadequate around other femmes, most femmes I've known and talked to, at the very least. I have been feeling really inadequate and unwelcome and just weird in the community lately because of some things I went through recently and I'm still not too sure how to get back from that.

It does make me feel sad that so many of us feel like that and I think it's a two part problem. The first part speaks about our own insecurities, the ways we see ourselves and how we compare ourselves to others since they've been made the standards of the identity by others and sometimes by us too. The second part is the community praising and recognising almost only a very set pattern of traits that makes the rest of us feel like "if I'm not like that, then something must be wrong with me". That goes for the way you behave, to the way you describe yourself, to the things you like and dislike and it's a lot, it's tiring.

Sometimes people talk about this standard as if it needs to be protected like it's in danger of extinction, the very expected/standardized idea of femme (skinny, cis passing, hyperfeminine, pink and girly, always with makeup and hair done), it's silly. I mostly feel an immense sense of unfairness from all that. It inherently defeats the nature of femme, if it's made to be one size fits all.

I wish it weren't so, I wish the diversity of femmes in so much more than beauty (and in beauty too, since it's what you mentioned here) and more ways of doing femme, existing as femme were more widely recognised in the community, but we still have a long way to go to achieve that, I think.

What I want to tell you is: I'm sorry you're feeling like that, especially around other femmes. That's not how we're supposed to make each other feel, intentionally or not.

this idealised femme very much doesn't exist, what gets posted on the internet isn't what we look like a lot of the time*: it's not us feeling sick or tired or having a difficult day with disabilities, it's not us just finishing work after a long week, it's not us handling things with our partners, running around having to organize things at home, general responsibilities and not be late for work, it doesn't show us when we're sad and we're feeling less than strong and brave. This idealised notion of femme sometimes takes away from our humanity playing weaknesses and flaws, real or perceived, as not femme. And femme importantly isn't about beauty as you know, but it is about those things that don't get shown a lot too.

The way you're feeling is common, a lot of the time I'm right there with you, I wish it weren't common though. And for what it's worth, it might be a lot of you doubting yourself, though I'm sure it's not the entire issue. All kinds of femmes exist, so many of us, an amazing variety.

I'm not sure how helpful this is, but ugliness and beauty are subjective, but also exacerbated by silly standards. Be careful with those. Also thank you for trusting me with this and giving me a space to speak about my own feelings, anon, even without knowing.

*mind you, almost every time I post a picture I have makeup on or it's a time I feel really good about myself and it doesn't happen for the majority of the time.

#for whatever it's worth it sounds like you're femme to me ♥️#ask #bellas butch/femme tag #might edit because I wrote this as i got it and my thoughts are kinda all over the place #if pink and hyperfeminine is your thing. that's great and i support you. I'm just tired of people acting like that's all there is to femme #and that that subset of femme is constantly under attack when most gnc femmes +anything other than hyperfeminine don't even get acknowledge #*acknowledged

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purplekoop · 6 months

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I officially Have Job Now (still in the process of getting a bank account because the past 6 years of my life have been an almost comical series "we'll get to it later" moments but at least I can rest easy enough knowing my hours are gonna be compensated when it's possible) but I'm still in a creative and artistic rut that I very much wish to solve with the metaphorical equivalent of being bashed in the head with a shovel to get on with it.

I'll be transparent here and say that art has been hard for me the past few months. Between frequent downward spirals of self doubt over my creative and technical capacity, and just general inability to muster the desire to do art despite the ever-looming dread of not doing art... I've had lower points in my creative journey but I've sure as hell had higher. Not dissimilar is my broader mental state, where I've been generally fine but subject myself to existential spirals when dwelling on something as simple as having a big cavity in one of my molars and no immediate access to dental care at the moment. This isn't meant to be a pity post, genuinely I don't have much to complain about right now, it's just the same sort of mental (and in some respects physical) issues I've been dealing with for a while now. It's just more poignant now when I don't really have much of a satisfying "distraction" in the form of doing stuff creatively.

Currently there's only a few "projects" (feels like I'm giving myself too much credit with that terminology) I really can commit much thought to lately, both of which, either luckily or predictably, I've gone into at least some depth publicly on this blog. Fortunately for what I assume is the majority of my follower base, both are based around Overwatch.

The Role Requeue AU is a very fun "project" for me (again, feels wrong to call it a "project" when it's something meant strictly for the concept phase, even just a workshop mode is beyond the scope of realism). It scratches all my itches for something fun to think about: no pressure to make it a "finalized product", the opportunity to conceptually tinker around with mechanics I'm both thoroughly familiar with and interesting in exploring beyond their official scope, and most importantly, people to share ideas to and even collaborate with! Seriously, I know it's almost certainly less than a handful of people who've even seen any of the posts on it, but the response so far has me beyond ecstatic. The greatest gift an artist can receive in my opinion is a "yes, and" to their work, and I'm extremely grateful that Role Requeue (shoot, down to even that name being a suggestion too good to pass up) has already inspired such.

The only technical restraint on Role Requeue is me sitting down and writing a long tumblr post, so once I have the time (as soon as tomorrow mayhaps?) I'll try and get another one out. I still have some specifics I want to sort out, but Symmetra, Sombra, and "Ashe" are all contenders for being the next one to get a post.

So that leaves the other project I've been able to work on at least to some extent lately: my original hero shooter concept, (still under the working title) War Bots. For those who weren't around or otherwise missed the intro, it's a team based shooter starring a cast of robot characters in a post-human earth, fighting against either another team of player-controlled bots or a ravenous horde of sentient, mutant plant creatures. The "game" (again, very much in the concept phase) takes heavy inspiration from both Overwatch and its precursor in the subgenre, Team Fortress 2. The general gameplay design of the cast takes inspiration more from OW, while the larger team sizes and loadout system are ideas from TF2.

If you're wondering why both of my creative projects I really have any ideas for right now are directly because of Overwatch, it's because. well hate to admit it but it's the most consistent thing I've played all year. Arguably the past 5 years or so, save for when the pre-OW2 content famine was really starting to hit and I finally gave TF2 a try myself in the meantime (didn't like actually playing it as much, sorry). But especially now with the steam release actually working on my PC, which the battle.net version frequently failed at, it's been my defacto "I don't know what to do right now" time waster, and to me at least it's fun enough to where I still haven't gotten sick of it. It doesn't help that my actual other biggest inspiration for War Bots, Bloons TD 6 (yes really) is my number 2 pick for that niche, and I honestly don't play games that much lately aside from multiplayer stuff or streams (yes I stream I need to make a pinned post linking my stuff). So, I got Overwatch on the brain, and when my brain has something on it, its general reaction is to try and put my own spin on it, hence the creation of the "Overwatch but different" AU and "Overwatch but not" the video game coming to somewhere you can buy video games eventually hopefully one day please. I play fighting games I come up with a fighting game, I like superheroes I make my own, I like the funny colorful character-based shooters I make notes for how I wanna do it myself.

War Bots is in an awkward spot though, because I already gave myself a hard cap for how much I wanna think ahead for a game so early in development that the sole developer doesn't even have a game making engine installed on their PC yet. The loadout system is meant to allow for a smaller roster, saving time on creating completely new characters with their models and animations and lore and so on, while potentially allowing for an even further variety of functional playstyles than what'd be possible with an exclusively character-based system like Overwatch. You don't need Soldier 76, Bastion, Widowmaker, and Ashe all existing separately with broadly similar weapon types, just one "rifle guy" with four different options for their main weapon.

Despite that, I love making characters too dang much and made a version of the roster with up to 25 characters. I since reconsidered, picking the characters I actually saw potential in, making sure to avoid redundancies that couldn't be resolved, and now have a cast of 15 or 20, ideally launching with 15 and adding 5 more post-release. A roster of 25 and possibly even beyond wouldn't be impossible after that, but I want to limit the scope of what I was considering at this point. I like the cap of 20 because my current idea is that the PvP mode is played in 10v10, and each of the game's 5 roles (Damage, Control, Tank, Utility, Support) would have four characters, while also letting a standard match (if desired) have exactly one of each character on the field at once. This pleases me. At the moment though, I have 3 characters for Damage, 4-ish for Control, 2 for Tank (shocking, I know), 3 for Utility, one guy who could either be Tank or Utility, and 4 for Support but I'm admittedly not as keen on one of them at this point. This leaves roughly 4 or 5 slots in the roster left for what I want to realistically consider right now, some of which I have ideas for based on prior iterations of the roster, but I'm still not settled on something super satisfying yet.

For now, I'm focusing more on polishing the loadout system and the alternate weapons for each character, trying to get as much out of the characters I've already established before I move onto jotting down new ones in my notes. I did however hit a snag, because the system divides your loadout into three different interchangeable options: Weapon, Body, and Accessory. The weapon is your main means of attack and (broadly speaking) determines your primary and secondary fire. The Body meanwhile refers to some interchangeable part of the robot's body that grants them unique abilities, typically aiding in mobility. In Overwatch terms this is "Ability 1", or Shift in default keyboard binding terms, while also potentially carrying a passive ability. Accessories are comparable to Splatoon's sub weapons, generally some kind of throwable thing that provides a burst of utility at the cost of limited availability, in this case a longer cooldown than your Body ability or requiring a special pickup on the map to regain faster, or possibly being limited by a character-specific resource. This is the equivalent to OW's "Ability 2" or "E" ability. The snag here was that each part of the 3-part system was given 4 variants, a default or "stock" option and three unlockables that take the basic concept and replace it with an alternative that provides unique functionality. The problem was that especially with the "Body" options, it was hard to come up with meaningful alternatives for every slot for every character without feeling redundant. My compromise was that while Weapons get 3 unlocks, Body equipment and Accessories only get 2 unlocks, unless I feel a special exception warrants it. I may deem a character would get more value out of more Body or Accessory options rather than main weapons, or if I have a really good idea for an extra of something.

oh and also semi recently I decided that reserve ammo should be a mechanic, but then I realized that doesn't work unless every character has an infinitely usable melee attack that can function without reserve ammo (and is also more robust than OW's piddly little mostly universal quick melee attack), but I don't want to make a whole fourth slot for each character for melee weapons, but otherwise I don't know what'd determine the properties of your melee attack if anything deviates it from the default, and also are melee weapon attacks always available or do they require switching off of your actual weapon, but does that make sense for the characters who'd logically just smack with their normal weapon, like does the wizard guy just hold their staff differently for a "melee stance", but also thinking is hard.

So between the partial downsizing of the Loadout system, the need to put "uses reserve ammo" or "doesn't require reserve ammo" in all of my notes for each character's weapon, and the need to figure out melee attacks/weapons, I have to do some very meticulous updates to my current notes, which doesn't make for a super exciting prospect. Hey, at least I can think of funny things for these goobers to smack people with!

I do actually have an art now, though it's not my most flattering work. Had some ideas for alternate weapons for Yanno, the explosives aficionado with a dragon-shaped fireworks launcher for a hand I shared in an earlier post. The eagle launcher rewards precise aim and improves your aerial capabilities, the hydra launcher unleashes multiple rockets at a time, and the shark cannon fires big, arcing bombs that roll on the ground before detonating momentarily after. Very obviously taking heavy inspiration from a certain other flying explosive enthusiast for a couple of these, and the shark cannon exists entirely to avoid needing a separate character just for a grenade launcher guy when rockets are already such a similar weapon type.

So uh.

...I had a point I think.

art hard but I wanna do it more. this was a rant post but got devoured in word count by War Bots so uh. oops if you don't care about that.

I think I feel better now? remind me when I get up though to make a post linking my twitch and youtube.

#koop's oc stuff #role requeue #war bots #long post

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anon-unofficial · 5 months

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I dunno about you guys but for me there's just something super appealing to reading your favorite blorbos react to their own source media (AS WELL AS FAN CONTENT MAYBE??) and actually give interesting and fun commentary and reactions, because, well, I love them–

just. if someone wrote a reaction fic where the A Hero is Born timeline in lmk gets to see the

(sparkles)

✨FUUTUUUREEE✨

I'd probably shake in my boots and never be able to shut up about it because like???? IT'S??? PERFECT????

All I can imagine is the Eldritch Being of Whom Brought The Cast Here™ bringing in Wukong (who promptly panics and ends up transforming into that bird form he had while watching Mk eavesdrop on the demon bull family) and everybody else into the Magical Theater™

MK mmmight recognize the bird??? maybe???? and maybe he could have these one-sided conversations with it (while not knowing that he's literally talking to his idol and soon-to-be mentor) anD in the reveal that the animals watching him this whole time was Wukong, everybody could just comically snap their necks to his bird form while he basically just goes

"(⁠; • - •)" (crap crap crap crap)

"(• - • ;;)" (just look away wukong just loooook away it's fiNe–)

and and and and and and and and

sorry what was I talking about again

but just. ideas. people can get creative with the interactions and I can't help but want to know how each character would develop as their future is revealed more and more and secrets are no longer covered?? I'm. I might be a tiny bit obsessed with the trope but can you really blame me tho I just can't help it 😞

The most difficult thing for an author to make, and it's the most enjoyable thing for readers like me to read

I might make the reaction fic myself actually. ahem. (@an-t-hiho hey so–)

I also can't stop thinking about the LMK cast finding out about their fanbase

them to reacting and finding out about fan content as well, like how we think abt them (the majority of us going feral over Macaque and/or Wukong)

and, most importantly, our FANART.

just imagine that in their perspective; transported to a realm beyond their comprehension, not really knowing what to expect now that the access they had to their powers were gone... only to then be introduced to a whole other reality where they are nothing more than just a kid's show.

they'd be infuriated, no doubt. confused. maybe even a bit depressed and discouraged, but then the Eldritch Being who brought them there shows them that they're actually loved? that people from this universe want to... hug them? be with them? meet them? help them? all while knowing everything about them; from their mistakes, to their faults, to their vulnerabilities, to their weaknesses. they still love them. even if they might not deserve it. even if they don't deserve it. they still do. those people still do.

a universe apart, and yet, we're still willing to give them the love they deserve. just imagine:

Wukong and Macaque. seeing how many people find them so tragic. seeing how many people have analyzed their argument and have deduced that neither of them are at fault. seeing how much these people would do just to help them communicate better. they love them.

Red Son. seeing how many people absolutely ADORE him for who he is. seeing how many people would love to just be with him and hang around. seeing how much people have drawn him. him and his ridiculousness. they love him.

MK. seeing how many people love him. seeing how many people love drawing him. seeing how many people want to comfort him through what he had to go through. seeing how much these people from a whole other dimension would give just to give him a well-deserved hug. they love him.

and of course, last and most definitely least, LBD, seeing how many people want to end her. such a wholesome idea, don't you think?

#🅰️non talks #long post #reaction fic idea #lmk #lego monkie kid #monkie kid #lmk wukong #lmk sun wukong #lmk macaque #lmk six eared macaque #lmk shadowpeach #lmk lbd #lmk lady bone demon #lmk mk #lmk mei #lmk demon bull family #lmk red son #lmk demon bull king #might continue this particularly long tangent

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chocolate-teapots · 2 years

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Social Distancing: Park Jimin

●╭╮╭╮╭╮╭╮╭╮╭╮╭╮●

COVID meant you had to get...creative

with your boyfriend Jimin.

●╰╯╰╯╰╯╰╯╰╯╰╯╰╯●

Warnings: Jimin manspreading, mentions of sex toys, voyeurism, exhibitionism, mutual masturbation, sexting, phone sex, exposure, Jimin manspreading in leather jeans, Jimin manspreading in leather jeans, Jimin manspreading in leather jeans, Jimin manspreading in leather jeans

It was a horrible thing to be so selfish during a time where people were suffering and dying but I just couldn't help it. At a time where the closest you could get to people was through screens and windows, I really missed the comfort of my boyfriend and the luxury of him holding me.

It wasn't so bad since I'd only have to turn my head and he was there, smiling and waving through the window next door but it just wasn't the same. Yet, we stayed optimistic and supportive of what was really going on under the surface in the world which is exactly what kept our train moving.

He called me every morning, waiting for me to get up mid-afternoon most likely due to the awful state of laziness that had taken over me and he would be covered in sweat due to his morning workouts.

"Good morning angel," I'd smile and turn towards the window, the sun hitting my eyes to see him grinning into his phone. I probably looked nothing like the sort with bed hair, squinting eyes and pillow marks all over my face from hugging them so hard.

We'd even yell at each other through open windows if we couldn't put our thoughts into characters through a text and were too lazy to call.

"Jimin!"

He shuffles to his window close by.

"Yes?"

"I miss you!"

"What?" he exclaimed back, the distance drowning out both of our voices.

"I said I miss you!"

"What? I can't hear you!"

"What?"

And most importantly, the lack of sex for dare I say incredibly sexually active couples was proving to be most difficult. Jimin would often text me a couple of flirty things and although my body would flush on the spot, the redness would only last so long and eventually fade. He'd often get curious too about the suspicious amount of packages being delivered for me with plain boxes and an awkward postman. When he'd ask what they were I'd just stutter and say:

"Uh...Nothing!"

And I even got a couple of special things for us after this was all over too but I hated saying such a thing. Saying it that way always made it sound like some kind of phase the whole world was going through but it really wasn't. It was just mine and Jimin's way of staying optimistic for the sake of our world and our relationship.

I tried on some underwear once about a month into lockdown, loving the way that the lace tangled around the model like she was a tall pole but on me, I just looked like a pudding in pretty packaging. It just didn't look right. Usually, when things didn't look right it didn't matter because it would only be a matter of time before it was ripped off of me anyway, giving me no time to doubt myself. In my little fit of shifting, pondering, readjusting my phone began to ring (the Haikyuu theme tune brightening the mood).

"What's that?" Jimin's accent vibrated through the line.

I looked over to the window fearfully, noticing how I had left the curtains completely open for the whole world to see me dipping my toe into porn stardom. As for Jimin, he was tapping his foot impatiently, a look of anger almost on his face as he crosses his arms tightly making his arm muscles bulge.

"Uhh...A good investment?" I tried or more like squeaked, he knew his accent intimidated me.

Usually, Jimin would yell at me for wasting my money on such unnecessary things since I was "so beautiful without them anyway" and oh I could feel a lecture coming.

"I can't wait to rip it off of you."

After the hundredth-or-so day of doing nothing, I was watching a movie in bed laying on my stomach with my feet in the air flicking my eyes between my snacks and the screen wishing that I suddenly had 4 eyes to concentrate on all of those things at once. It was just one of those movies where if you were to look away for just a second a whole tribe was dead.

"What the hell? How could they kill her off like that? She's on all the posters!" I exclaimed to myself throwing a piece of popcorn at the faces on the screen, not really ready to face the shame of talking to myself until I had time to remember it later on.

Quarantine was really getting to my head, making me do things like throw a drink on my bed instead of my phone or apparently talk to myself and thrown popcorn at my tv! It didn't help that my room was boiling hot due to the surprise heatwave thrown at us even though we couldn't go out to enjoy it so I was laying in just one of Jimin's old shirts in a puddle of sweat and food stains. I needed a break. And a break was what I got.

Through the bedsheets, my ringtone was muffled but the vibrations still shot through my legs like one of those suspicious packages I ordered before. It was a text from Jimin.

"Are you busy?"

I snorted out loud, taking in my incredibly sad surroundings with a sigh before replying.

"Are you kidding? You're aware we're not allowed to do anything right?"

His replies were incredibly quick and that only meant one thing.

"Look over."

Jimin's unusually blunt replies made me a little uneasy in my position but fueled my curiosity so I looked over at him. It was a little dar so I could only see him sat at the chair he had placed in front of the window, mirroring the one I had in my own room. Through the moonlight I could see his dark eyes following me to the chair I had strategically placed to see him perfectly and sometimes there were details I wish I didn't see too.

My butt rests in the comfortable chair and I close my knees together not wanting to give anything away to my already needy boyfriend-neighbour but it turned out I needn't bother. When I finally met his shadowy figure my hands gripped the arms of the chair harshly and air floated in my throat.

He was touching himself through some really tight leather jeans.

My shock sends a blotchy flush over my legs and neck until it reached my face in shame. It wasn't as if I hadn't seen Jimin this way before but there was something about him that always made it feel like the first time no matter how many times we did it, sometimes in a single day.

His muscular thick legs were stretched apart as far as they could, which was pretty far for a dancer, and the jeans didn't leave a lot to the imagination. Jimin's pretty hands teased himself next door, his head flying back to reveal his muscular neck once his fingers dared to go underneath.

I couldn't help but watch, biting my lip to hold myself back from whatever it was my body wanted me to do. He bit his thick lips too, eyes closed in longing but reopening again just to look at me even more for material.

I didn't get it all I was doing was sitting here in his shirt and he was already so hard, so flushed that his lips turned bright red and his brown hair stuck to his glistening forehead. The night was not so young, so the only light of the moon decided to pick out the very best bots for me to see and it was safe to say that nature was on my side.

"Whats got you so hot and bothered?" I typed.

"You in that shirt."

When he saw that I was starting to squirm in my chair, knees bruising from being chained together so tight he picked up his phone again with a smirk, texting as he continued to jack off under his jet black skinny jeans. It seemed so natural to him and I wondered how many times he'd texted or even called me while doing that. We had never crossed that off of the list but I knew Jimin was a pretty bold guy so I watched my phone in anticipation, so hard that I thought it would set alight before I'd even have the chance to read anything.

"It's never as good as when you do it."

My ego skyrocketed, making a cheeky grin appear on my face. I lifted my eyebrow watching him continue his actions before his cock was visible and his pants were halfway down his thighs. He was a shade of angry red, the hardest I had ever seen him and he was starting to get whiny all home alone.

I had to think about what to respond, biting my lip further in thought and crossing one of my legs over the other to stop the trembling. My heart was pounding at all the dirty scenarios crossing my mind and also at the one I was currently living. Another vibration.

"Stop fighting it and spread those legs."

I jumped in the chair at the message, reading those words themself in Jimin's deep Busan accent as he would say them if he was in my room right now. It was tempting, to relieve myself of the pulsating at the aching that was happening beneath this shirt but my eyes kept going to the street at the corner of my window and the different houses that could catch me.

Jimin's chest was heaving when I looked back, expression authoritative and eyes glaring at me as if I was some kind of delinquent student. His hand was now moving faster around himself, making the muscles in his legs clench. I lost myself in the outlines of his muscles, his dick just begging for someone to sit on it. I jump again at the other vibration.

Jimin calls me.

"I said spread them."

He commanded through the phone and I watch him mouth his orders through the window. It was so trippy how, meters away and blocked by panes of glass, Jimin still had total control over my body as did I to him. I looked to my bedroom door once more, seeing it locked and no lights behind it before facing him again.

"I know you're not wearing anything underneath," he teased.

I sank in the chair slightly, placing my feet on the platform beneath the window and spreading my legs wide so that the shirt would naturally rise. I felt embarrassed looking away from the scene with a heavy blush that the night was doing a great job at hiding but the hand on my thigh was still sending shivers up my legs.

"Touch yourself."

"Are you crazy?" I exclaimed in a whisper into the phone, drawing attention to all the possible areas we could get caught at any moment.

"Yes."

He bit his lip, black smoky eyes not leaving between my legs once and they widened once my hand finally began the task I so desperately wanted to do. Just a single touch of my sensitive clit was enough to have a muffled breath tumbling down the phone and into Jimin's ear that was listening attentively.

"More," he gritted, hips twitching under the aggression behind his strokes. He was close, neck straining to keep himself from flying his head back just so he could look for longer.

I decided to give in to myself, the feeling of danger and feeling wanted even in just an old button-down shirt by someone as hot as him had my fingers teasing my clit so that I could get us both to where we wanted to go faster.

His groans began to flood the line, making my ears turn red and my vision grow fuzzy at his angelic whines and also his deep growls. I wanted more, I needed to hear more. I was at the stage where I didn't care about my own moans anymore letting them hang loosely freely into my speaker without a care in the world.

I sank further into the chair, freehand unbuttoning the shirt that was trapping my heat and making me more frustrated. My nipples froze in sensitivity as I let my chest expose itself slightly to Jimin and also to my left hand which decided to grope them harshly to bring me even close to the pleasure that he would normally give me.

I watched him get closer, his hips forcing his aching cock into his grip as he moaned my name down the line. His t-shirt was lifting at the impact, teasing his toned body just as I was getting closer.

"You look so good like this Y/N, I could watch you all day," Jimin panted, pausing between words in wonder at me unravelling in that comfortable loveseat.

I bit my lip, opening my eyes to smirk at him hungrily.

"You already do," I sighed happily, watching him lift his eyebrow through the far away glass.

"I see you watching me get changed, watching me play with myself when I get lonely. I leave my curtains open and fuck myself right in front of the window just so you can see what you're missing. Did you see me play with my new toy yesterday?" I can't stop my words, my voice coming out like honey at the pure bliss that I'm feeling.

His eyes glaze over, on the verge of tears from the intensity. With his bottom lip stuck out, he nods submissively.

"Did you like watching me?" I asked, fingering myself harder so I was just as close as he was.

He nods again, whining long and hard before speaking again with a struggle.

"I can't wait until things are how they used to be," I smile with my head tilted back "I want you to wake me up like you used to by crawling through my window and eating me out."

"Oh, Y/N," he groans and I tremble at the memory.

That was such a good morning. Though my desperate movements were nothing compared to Jimin's skilled body, I was finishing soon and the buildup was quick. My thighs were shaking, wrist aching, stomach hollowing out and:

"Jimin I'm gonna-"

With moans identical on either side we cum at the same time watching each other competitively getting more and more fucked out as we rode out our highs. He came all over those jeans of his that I knew I would hand wash myself if it meant that he could wear them again. I couldn't believe that this man was so beautiful that I just came at the sight of him. Should I be ashamed?

I pant in the chair, looking at the mess we both made and laughing down into the call. I look at the duration with a smirk.

"10 minutes, not bad Park Jimin," I grin, tilting my head at the numbers on the screen.

Jimin laughs prettily down the line before changing into that challenging smirk that I had grown to love so much.

"Just you wait until I can get my hands on you again, you'll be begging for these quickies."

#bts imagines #bts smut #bts fanfic #park jimin #jimin imagine #jimin smut

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helga-heason · 1 year

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Letter #1

Dear Selina,

I hope this finds you well. Some part of me doubts you’ll receive this, while the logical part of me doubts you’ll read it (should you receive it), but the hopeful part of me wants to believe you will both receive and read it. Hope is a funny thing, isn’t it? I didn’t subscribe to the philosophy of it until the Riddler flooded Gotham - I saw the value of it then, reflected in the people of this city, in the bright lights that dim in the darkness, and in your eyes. Those expressive eyes that say everything your words can’t. I see the value of it now, writing this, hoping you may read it.

And if I’m writing this because I can’t take how much I miss you anymore, that is absolutely no-one’s business. Leave me alone, Alfred, god.

Not much has happened here since you’ve been gone. Crime is the same, Gotham’s criminal underside is the same. This city never sleeps, and so it seems neither will I. Justice waits for no-one. The streets are still stained with blood that the flood couldn’t wash away; a city’s bleeding heart that can’t be fixed with pretty words or empty promises. I’m beginning to see now what I must do here.

It’s a shame you aren’t here, I think we made a good team despite all your impetuous actions. Though, I suppose I am as guilty as you - the Riddler let slip that I had inspired his actions, including the flooding of the city. My endless quest of vengeance has driven me in circles for so long, I fear the cycle may not end even if I myself break the chains. This same quest has driven fear into the hearts of the lowlifes of Gotham; inspiring hatred in the frustrated poor, invoking the anger and violence of a community that have lived for too long under the shadow of the wealthy. I realise now my ideals are deadly.

You’ve taught me a lot - most importantly that blind hatred and rage really aren’t the way to go about getting revenge. I know we didn’t really know eachother that long, but I have to thank you for that.

I got a cat a few weeks ago. Her name is Robin. She likes nudging her head against my jaw. She reminds me of you - she’s been through hell, and yet somehow come out of the other side something akin to an angel. Some sort of unhinged avenging angel, anyway. Funnily enough, I found her near your old apartment. I wondered briefly if she was one of your strays, but I didn’t remember seeing her when I’d visited your apartment that one time. Gotham has no shortage of strays, so I suppose she is just one of the very many.

If I end up with a cave full of strays just because I miss you, I may just end up sobbing into a mountain of cat fur.

Robin is nudging my jaw as I write this. I think she wants me to scratch her ears, but she’ll have to wait a few minutes. Impatient and yet full of patience. A strange conundrum, but one I’ve seen before.

I do know you, after all.

I think I’ve held up enough of your time. I hope you’re safe, and that you’re happy. I didn’t think I’d miss you quite like this, but Robin has perched her butt on one of the ciphers and is reminding me of the fact that… Around you, things seem to make sense.

Ohhhhhh, boy. Oh, Alfred is a conniving bastard.

I miss you, Selina. I hold hope you’ll return, but I also want you to stay safe. I want you to be happy.

And the extremely selfish part of me wants you to respond.

I’ll give Robin a few ear scratches on your behalf.

Yours, always,

the Bat(man).

[paw print]

And hello (or, more accurately, ‘mrrreow’) from Robin. You were right, ‘the Bat and the Cat’ does have a ring to it, and it’s been keeping me awake. Even when the streets are quiet, my thoughts aren’t. If only I could get you out of my head - though… I don’t want to. Perhaps it is love that will endure. Fleeting, burning, and destructive, but enduring. I don’t think I’d know.

#the batman #the batman 2022 #batcat #fun fact this was supposed to be a one-off #someone said maybe bruce writes to selina after the events of the film and my brain went “sure we can do something with this”#blame twitter #haha brain go brr and cat named robin go prr #bruce's letters to selina

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autoimmunechronicles · 1 year

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Recently, I find myself having to 'prove' my disease, symptoms, and pain to others as though to make them and myself believe that it's INDEED real. (to my fellow warriors, your disease and pain is enough-- you're enough)

I feel in my bones the doubts and judgements (even myself) that sows the seeds of negative emotions affecting my mental health.

Why does my disability have to be recognized and supported in the first place?

Here are my thoughts:

I DO NOT have to prove my pain and disease to anyone -

My "invisible" but very real, unimaginary illness exists. I feel pain 24/7. Some people do not (even try to) understand and have a distorted and disproportionate expectations.

2) We just want the support of the people dear to us.

People surviving with chronic illness face challenges that are inconceivable to normal and/or healthy people.

Often times, family and friends tend to make insensitive or thoughtless remarks or even requests that exhaustively impact our well-being.

3) We are dis-ABLE-d

Inspite of the awful unpredictable nature of autoimmune diseases, there are moments, hours, or even days of "low pain". Sometimes it lasts for a short period of time, sometimes not.

Personally, whenever I do not feel crackling pains, (chronic & extreme) fatigue, weakness and have all the limited energy (SPOONS) to move around and carry out chores, I DO THEM. I AM ABLE TO DO THEM.

To put it briefly, even through pain, I can carry out chores that I DEEM AM ABLE TO ACCOMPLISH. Otherwise, I will NOT carry through or postpone the tasks / activities.

In my experience, I do feel that I am a burden when it comes to contributing to house works and chores nowadays. I am not WHO and WHAT I used to be -- as much as I want to move I feel extremely guilty for not being able to do so. But I do remind myself that autoimmune in general cannot be prevented and there's only so much that I can do.

THAT IS WHY when I CAN, I DO.

4) Stop putting labels and words in our mouths:

When we are trying to help out and contribute, please do not be so insensitive as to say what we CAN and CANNOT do.

Believe us when we say we wen and DO NOT ASSUME THAT WE CANNOT.

Example: You see us washing the dishes then suddenly you would remark "You are not able to do that." YES WE CAN, WHEN WE CAN.

Yes we are disabled and each and every one of us have different diagnoses, symptoms, limitations -- but we continue to fight and make things work everyday. Chronically ill people are creative, smart, innovative, and are masters of life!

We are only disabled because of our illness and its complications which might prevent us to perform, live, and interact with the rest of the world in what's perceived to be in a normal way.

But please, we will appreciate it if we you can also give us the space to fully appreciate being ABLED.

Caveat: Please do not gaslight or get AGGRESSIVE and make degratory remarks or make your loved one feel guilty for not being able to perform normal tasks that may seem easy, fast, or normal to you.

In my case, I am able to cook, clean, and do chores but in a very, very slow and painful phase requiring rest every 5 minutes as I tend to be fantastically exhausted.

(Yes, 10 steps is exhausting enough for me. Legs crack up, lungs requiring deep breathes. But I STILL DO, I endure when I can.)

5) We appreciate all the emotional, physical, and financial support extended to us

Every single effort to help, support, and understand our condition is wholeheartedly appreciated!

Most importantly, especially to the family members, it would mean a lot if we can make an effort to really learn and work on knowing the specific autoimmune disease your loved ones have.

We are also trying to learn more about our disease everyday. Autoimmune is still a big mystery even to the medical community.

6) We DO NOT NEED unsolicited advise or opinions you heard online from herbal doctors or those who are "HEALED" or "CURED" of the disease

We do understand that a healthy and balanced diet is important but you also have to remember that:

+ Autoimmune diseases are incurable. It can only be managed.

+ Each patient / fighter are experiencing different symptoms. No TWO LUPUS patients' experiences and symptoms and treatments are the same.

+ There is no "GETTING BETTER." We do not enjoy the pain, but realistically, this only upsets us.

+ If there was one single herb and diet restrictions that works, all of us would have been cured, healed.

Nonetheless, we know your intentions mean well! :)

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souplatypus · 2 years

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Space medusa

I work an unusual job, or so I’ve been told. Pretty lonely, too. That’s fine with me, people were never my favorite thing and the opposite is also true..

So I found myself a job that was weird enough to not seem boring, that allowed me to travel and most importantly to stay alone, whilst not being truly alone. I keep my pack. Not sheeps, no, not even horses or such. My thing are medusas, or as many people call them : space jellyfish - quite frankly it’s the simplest way to put it.

They’re not really animals. Not plants either. Some scientist has a theory that they are a very special type of mushroom. Personally, I don’t know about that : they are my babies, that’s all I need, I don’t care about the theoretical classification.

To the public, they are known like platypi were in the time of Earth : weird animals, interesting curiosities, fun designs with cool abilities that live in unusual places. Except instead of Australia, a weird place on Earth, it’s space. “But how can it live in space ? That’s not possible ?” says pretty much everyone I meet.

I don’t know. It eats sunlight, or so I’ve been told, otherwise they have a jelly texture and are stupid. “How stupid ?”, they ask. Very ! Very very much ! In space it’s difficult to control your direction as there is no air to move around and push, so they just float in one direction until they hit something.

That species survived many years. How.

They try to stay a pack, but when you float for so long every centimeter matters, so you see them floating in slightly different directions, and they can’t change a thing. So my job is to keep them packed, more or less.

“How fast do they go, though ? They must be very slow ?” doubt people. Their doubt is understandable but still wrong, so wrong. How fast ? Depends what you call fast. They eat pure sunlight, and are really weird : that combo somehow works and they go like your average spaceship. We don’t know how. It’s a real field of studies, which is hilarious - it’s called “medusaelogia”, so pretentious.

It should be mentioned that how fast they go just usually ends up reducing their lifetime. They have a passion for throwing themselves in suns or black holes. I deviate their course, so they don’t die : that’s my job.

“How do you make money ? Do they produce anything ?”, I hear the crowd saying.

Depends. Depends how you define producing. You see, when medusas encounter rocks or ice, like in a meteorite, they bounce on it. They absorb the impact, and the meteorite. You’d think that they’d be crushed, but no, they’re just doing fine, digesting the meteorite and separating its composants. They’re hard to mine, meteorites. And the metals are rare.

So I collect what they leave behind. That sells well.

I also have a photography business. When you’re on a trip in space for years at a time, you have time to take out the old camera and take pictures. No one does that anymore, except a few weird collectors - the good thing about those is that they’re ready to pay a good price.

They’re good pictures, too. The medusas help, of course, not even mentioning the beauty of space, that everyone in the whole universe can appreciate, I think, even if we tend to forget it, now that space travel is more common.

I don’t know if I have properly described the medusas until now. They are all very different, of course, but I can still describe some of the pictures I took. They are pretty translucide, to a certain degree, and you can see light through them. It comes out a little bit different though, as it is another environment, and they have a magnifying glasses effect. They grow during their life and there isn’t a limit known to how big they can get.

However, they reproduce by splitting at random times, which means they don’t usually get bigger than your standard moon, but I’ve seen some bigger ones.

The spores that they produce (do not forget that they are more like mushrooms than animals !) leaves a silver, gold, or blueish trace behind them, depending on the type, the age and probably some over factors. Some purple and green ones have been seen too, but they are rarer.

All that is the perfect combo for photos.

Shots with a volcanic moon behind them, the orange fires reflected in as many directions as they are medusas, the dark ash only troubling the bright colors as, in other circumstances, glitter would send a plain color sparkling with joy.

Zooms where you can see an entire galaxy, deformed and looking almost clumsy as the jelly-like structure modifies it.

Angles where there are so many stars, and then, a lack of them : a black hole, light radiating at its limit and otherwise the darkest of blacks. All that, slightly deformed when uncaring strange mushrooms that will outlive you if they don’t end up in said black holes float peacefully, living their lives and letting a trail of bright spores in the silent void.

Anyhow, the photos sell well to eccentrics, poets, and travel agencies.

There’s only one picture I didn’t take in the spaceship, and it’s above my bed.

It’s me and my fiancees. The last time we saw each other, we were so happy, smiling and unknowing of what would happen. Our eyes were full of the stars that we were going to visit. We had so much to live for.

But the past must stay in the past, as you can’t change it.

________________________________________________________________

thanks @flashfictionfridayofficial for the prompt it was very fun ! allowed me to talk about my dumb space medusas, which i always love

#writing #thanks fff!#space medusas

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mukami-kou-dazzlingpinkidol · 1 year

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For all the time that passes throughout the year, there were ever only three days that ever held any semblance of being of utmost importance.

The first one was his birthday, the most joyous moment which for that day, nothing else in the entire world mattered to me except him alone and there was only one goal inside my mind, that was to make him the happiest man to ever live for that one moment in time at the least whether by any means and end that I could muster.

The second was apparently mine in which Kuron would never fail to make me, in turn, feel like the most blessed with all his gifts, love and affection. Above all his words and the number of times that he would try to look out for my sake, to keep me in the absolute content despite all the roughness he deals with, all the antiques that I made him deal with throughout the time of our destiny. He was the one dear love that I could never hope for in any other, or ever wish for from any other.

The third and final one, our anniversary. The day that the absolute and most important promise was made on the day that marked such history. When there was not a single shadow of doubt inside the processing of minds, when the most important moment was recorded, for me at least.

Then come new years...

𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒅𝒂𝒚, 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒅𝒊𝒇𝒇𝒊𝒄𝒖𝒍𝒕𝒚, 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒍 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒕𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒑𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒅, 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒎𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝒐𝒏. - Kou

"Ne ne, Kuron. Come on !~"

"It's not every day that we would go out on a picnic together like this. You were excited too, weren't you?~"

There was a certain fragrance that hung in the air as the winds blew across the side of the hill that we were slowly but surely ascending. It was almost as if the wind itself was painted with colours as the grass that surrounded our feet and the trees that were a shorter distance away swayed and swooshed with grace, blown along in its direction as the leaves on them rustled with a peaceful tune to them.

Turning around with a smile as bright as the first light of spring, I returned my gaze to Kuron, my hands gripping his, fingers laced around his longer curves as they hooked around each other. His hair flew in the air with the blow of the wind, colouring the area around him with a beautiful dash of pink and the colouration of his beautiful maroon hair.

"Hehe, well of course I'm excited! Beautiful day out, wonderful food made by you, and, of course, most importantly"

"A picnic date with my most favourite person in the world"

"What's not to be excited about?"

Of course, there was another factor in the incredibly festive mood and atmosphere, and Kuron was aware of it as well, having already made his own first step to the occasion; after all, today was our special day.

The smile on his face was so charming, those emerald eyes of his reflecting my own image as I stared into them, those soft lips of his, which right at that moment displayed the softest smile. The warmth that showed on his features was as warm as the heat that he would always radiate, lukewarm to the touch yet comfortable enough to want to let myself nestle into his embrace. He always has such a cool and collected face, but of course, even today I could see that he was a little more excited than usual as well. Much as he doesn't express it, he still has that blush when he's genuinely happy.

Come on Neko, we're almost... There! How about we go to that tree over there? "

I pointed a hand towards one tree that was the closest to us on the left-hand side, looking back behind me at Kuron as he gave me that reassuring smile and soft nod, agreeing to it before I hastily tugged him along behind me and we both got to the tree.

"Isn't this part perfect Kuron? Perfect shade, soft grass. Come on let's set things up~ I think I left the blanket cloth inside the basket....right? RIght???"

I took a look at the basket that Kuron was holding in his other hand, I got a little bit panicky upon realizing that I might have messed something up. I wanted things to be perfect after all. Or at least as perfect as they can be.

Shortly after, Kuron smiled softly and reached his hand inside the basket, telling me to calm down and as he ruffled a little bit and finally pulled out the cloth of the blanket, a darker hue of the pinkish blanket, not too thick and not too thin that we would use to sit.

Smiling at me softly as he told me to settle down with a light-hearted chuckle while he would get things settled. Slowly, he had the blanket laid out on the grass and one after another, he placed the prepped food that he made and placed them in the centre, one after another, along with empty plates and tableware.

"Wow Neko, you really made a lot of nice food. I can't wait to eat all this up...especially that one~" I said with a smile while pointing a finger at his speciality made pasta.

"What~ Don't look at me like that you know I like to eat Neko's cooking the nest after all~"

Kuron laid one thing after another before giving me that suspicious look on his face, raising a brow at me as he depressed his scepticism.

"Hey, you doubt me? You're doubting me, aren't you? I'll show you, I'll finish everything and leave nothing for you, hmph." I whined softly and pouted, there are many things to joke about but there was no need to joke about that.

"Hehe nah don't worry, like I said. Kuron's cooking is the best. Better than some restaurants and their take-outs~"

Kuron gave me a smile before he slowly finished setting everything up. I let myself move over to him, casually taking one or two things out of the basket. I was just so excited, I couldn't help but grin silly at him. Kuron looked back at me, looking at me with that sort of confused perplexed look on him as he finally finished.

"Whaaa~ I just wanna start off quickly~"

"Can I not be excited about being outside for once? It's not every day that we would go out like this and it's even harder considering the day."

"You get a holiday during New Years day babe, of course, the one thing that I would want to do on this very special day is to spend it with you~"

I bat my lashes at him, starting all the more dreamily into his bright and mesmerizing eyes that seemed to draw me in closer and closer into him, towards him that I didn't even realize that I was literally half crawled in front of him before he leaned in surprisingly quick and planted a kiss on my lips.

A form of a smirk grew on his face as he cupped my chin and teased me, rubbing his nose against mine with the softest touch. His words made me recoil just a bit, flustered by dear gosh- This man still manages to catch me off guard no matter how many times he does that.

"What sweet lipped, I'm serious here ya know."

"There's no one in this entire world, not a single thing that I wouldn't trade-off in exchange if it means being able to have you constantly by my side."

Was it me or was I imagining it a little, Kuron's cheek seemed to get all flushed and red as he turned away and shoved me away from him gently, pushing me by the shoulder as he let off a rather rough grunt and passed me an empty plate for the meal.

"Neko got embarrassed~ Did I fluster you already?~"

I teased him slightly and reached a hand over towards him and poked on his cheek. From the tips of my fingers, I could still feel the warm temperature slowly find its way from the skin of his cheek towards my hands and up my arms till they reached the very centre of the core in my chest.

Immediately I earned myself a rather harsh narrowed eye look with furrowed brows that even still felt like the softest expression that he ever showed me.

"Alright alright, hehe. Now then, I wonder what I should eat~"

"AHHH I really wanna eat everything..."

As Kuron told me to settle down, a hand reached to my head as he gently ruffled and messed up my hairstyle but it didn't bother me one bit as I leaned closer and nuzzled into his comforting touch.

"Ngaaa...feed me? I think I would really like that a lot~"

I replied softly, smiling at him with a wide grin as I watched him take a fork and start to twirl it around the plate of steamy hot Vongole Bianco, scooping up a nice sufficient forkful of pasta before bringing it over to me, a plate just under it to catch the dripping sauce as he fed me the mouthful that which I gobbled up in a heartbeat.

"Mrngh~ It tastes delicious, hehe. Just as it always is~"

He batted me a soft smile, flicking my forehead as he placed the plate down then reached for a napkin and wiped my sauce stained lips with it. As loving and attentive as he always is, this man really is just after my heart in more ways than one.

"Come on I wanna feed you too~"

"Ahh hehe come on!~ I wanna feed you too, Neko!!~"

Slowly, we had started to struggle against each other, him trying to take over till and feed me one bite after another. Delicious food was one thing but the food made by him, although he would say that it wasn't much, it meant a lot to me. Each small bite that I had in my mouth felt as precious as their weight in gold to me, the value in it to me not only in taste but in the fact that each mouthful felt like it was a warm embrace from him, filling me from the inside out.

➽➽───────────────❥❥

We had finally finished having our meal, the rest of the tableware left aside after being stacked as we went to rest ourselves against the rough surface of the trunk of the tree. There laid back as we took in the view and took a short rest, Kuron was the one who had sat behind me, while I laid my back against his chest, his arms wrapped and hugging around my waist as I let myself nestle into his warmth.

"That was just amazing babe, you really went far and beyond with it again~,"

I said while reaching a hand up and gently touching my fingers along his jawline, feeling the outline and shape of his features that were just so...beautiful, so wondrously perfect yet even if the slightest imperfections only made him seem all the more desirable.

"You can bet that I liked it a lot."

His very presence itself at this moment gave me unspeakable warmth, an unexplainable emotion of being fully content, that made me question every fibre of my being, just how in the world I came to be able to love and at the same time be loved by someone like him to such an extent.

"In fact, everything that you gave me too, all the gifts and all the presents. The flowers, the food, everything...I really do love everything."

Slowly, I moved myself up to rest against him a little more comfortably, one free hand reached over from where it was on the grass before holding his hand in my palm in a comfortable yet firm grip.

I shifted a soft gaze, looking upwards to gaze into his eyes, so mesmerizing, so drawing that I longed to let myself stare longer into it but I made myself close my eyes and look back with a warm tint of pink that blushed my cheeks as I rested my head against his collar, heaving in a deep calming breath as shifted that hand on his jawline to cover his eyes slightly, not to obstruct the light from him but just enough to...make him settle down more...or maybe it was me that needed to settle down. How silly of me hehe...

Kuron tried to speak, asking me what I was doing but remained silent for a while before nuzzling closer onto him.

"Just listen...nothing I just hehe..."

"Can you imagine, before a day like this? Before we were together I mean."

"We went through all that hardship, all the ups and the downs...and all the tears...Ehem.."

"What I'm trying to say is...I Love you...my precious Neko...my Kuron...I love you so much that you probably don't even realize it, that I probably don't even realize it, of how much I've fallen for you."

"Just you, having you makes my days, my every living moment so much more...happy...you know?"

Even as I tried to talk and continue, tears would fall, but they were happy tears, tears that I could convey in what possible way and method that I could.

"Even today as you gave me all these gifts and presents, as well as every other day that I would receive little trinkets of souvenirs and even flowers. They all mean so much to me. And not just because of what physical value they hold...No –"

"It's because of the time you spent on them, of the thoughts you put on them that in ways I could never even begin to imagine. The thought that someone, anyone or that matter would put so much effort to love me....it makes me feel...so happy you know~"

"Even when we traded gifts or even if I was the one gifting you something, I never feel like I could outshine what gift you will, have, or already given me. The best thing I could offer was myself...to be the best version of myself that I could be...to make you happy..."

"I love you...you know?~"

"I love you so much that it's sometimes hard for me to explain anymore why, because I feel for you so deeply that, sometimes even words would fail to express it completely...so much for an idol, hehe.."

"To be the best version of myself and to keep staying with you always from one moment to the next, for all eternity. I promise to love you even beyond the scope of my abilities and make you happy. That's how much I feel for you."

"So...in a sense...what I just wanna say is that.."

"I love you, my precious. My one and only, my forever."

➽➽───────────────❥❥

The night had passed on with a quick pace as we remained rested there till came past evening. Sharing soft kisses there as with every so often, I would look up at him and feel my heart skip a beat. The mere presence that was so close to him made me nervous somehow as if I was some high schooler who was out with his senior crush on a first date.

His presence, even the reassuring hug of his, make me feel so nervous, almost making me sometimes wonder if it was alright for me to be loved like this.

"What, can't I just stare at you, you're handsome and good looking okay-" I said when he pointed out why I was staring at him. I didn't even notice it myself though.

"You're just attractive to me, so much that I could hardly believe I have you. I don't deny that. You're my exotic lover with whom I can never want to replace."

Softly, I felt the gentle touch of his hands that were brushing and petting my head, brushing through my scalp with a loving force that I couldn't help but purr out like a cat in serene comfort. Those eyes, his gentle touch, everything about him was just pure perfection in my eyes.

Surrounded by the darkness, we were the only ones now on this dark hill whose only clear illumination was off the city lights that glowed in the distance. This was fine, it only made showing my affection to Kuron all the more easier as I turned around and hugged him tightly.

"I'm really the happiest when I'm with you, I know I say that a lot but it's true okay."

"Well of course I'm sweet lipped, it's New Year, after all, don't a lot of romantic things happen on this day?~"

At that moment, I remembered something that happened before, the thought made me look up at him and at that moment, I got nervous again, a lump formed hard and stuck in my throat but it was something that I wanted at this moment. I lowered my head, blushing and casting my gaze from him as I wasn't sure how he would take it...was this the right kind of time to say this kind of thing....what about the way I said it...I didn't want to ruin the atmosphere. Well screw it, I have to admit it.

"Ne, babe...you remember when you asked me why I love you...I never could answer why..."

"I think I finally realized why..." I looked up at him, swallowing hard as I saw his face, a raised brow on him that signalled his curiosity and amusement.

"I love you because you were able to make me cry, and you were able to make me put down my guard."

"It sounds weird but...I felt relieved. Making me release, making me relax, agitated, excited...everything. All the emotions I felt with you, whether good, great, bad or even amazing. There wasn't a moment that I didn't think to myself...Wow, I love him. And for him and love, this was worth it, this is amazing, this is what it is to be loved and given love."

"You made me happy, feel so blessed and look forward to so many things that I couldn't even foresee or even expect and fathom."

"I had difficulty expressing myself...and I realized...because there were so many reasons...so many things to say big and small that...I never realized just how much...how many things I felt happy because you were with me..."

"Even now as I say that...I'm thankful...I'm happy...it all doesn't even begin to explain because I feel myself growing more fond of you, growing ever so much in love with you that my heart feels for everything you feel."

"I've been spoiled, loved, cared for in so many ways, so much that I feel filled to the brim with your love alone."

"You tried your hardest to give me peace of mind when I broke down, you gave me all you had and more..."

"You became my driving force to move and work even harder, to be even more and better to match up to you. You made me want to be better than I already am."

"So if you ask me...why I love you, it's because of all the little things you did for me, all the large things that you've given me. They've made me feel so special, so safe and so secure. Everything you've done is a driving force that renews my love for you each day. And every moment we spend together has become the reason why I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

In truth, there was so much more I wanted to say, so much more that was stuck inside my heart and in my mind and choked up that I couldn't express like how his every breath was like the calm winds that blew my troubles away, his scent being better than any form of scented candles in the world and how his warm hugs were like the safe hearth in which I could find solace and comfort for any occasion.

But for now, I'd want to take more, an eternity more to spend with him and show him just how much I love him and tell him why I grew to love him, this amazing person in my life.

I was beating, my chest was drumming with nervous excitement as I looked up to see his face that, even in the dark I could see the faint blush of his cheeks and to my surprise, the gleam and shimmer of wetness that had coated itself on his skin. I could even make out the little minute details from his brows to the curve of his lips and the gleam in his eyes. He started to tear up, from being so close to him, I hear the quick and deep pace of his breath that was being let out in soft but heavy breaths.

“Aww, babe…why are you crying? It’s okay, don’t cry, I'm here…” I turned myself a little bit more to look at him with a softened smile and cupped his cheek, whispering with affection intended with every tone of my words.

Though the next thing he did was hit my shoulders with a rather strong yet light-hearted punch, grumbling under his breath as he whined on and called me little names. The adorable reaction I didn’t expect yet brought a smile to my face just as easily.

Slowly, I leaned my face back over close to him again and kissed his lips while cupping his warm yet teary cheeks that were a little bit cool to the touch.

“I love you, my precious neko~”

Slowly there in the dark, small lights started to fly in the air, filling our environment with a sort of bright small glow. They were fireflies, filling the air with a sort of beauty that was only comparable to one other creature.

I looked up and saw the side of Kuron's face. The fascination in his eyes and the wonder as he looked. Adorable, cute and most of all, my beloved.

Leaning in close with a heavy breath, nervous but so sure, I leaned in close and planted my lips on his cheek, taking my time to take in the scent of his hair and body.

Softly, I whispered in his ear.

"I love you...so so much my love...my babe..my precious...~"

—--------------------------------------------

As we sat there in the darkness of the just barely glistening light, we both watched the clocks anxiously as the time was quite quickly approaching the 12th-hour mark. There wasn’t that much of a significance in the sense of time to it, it was just the passing of another year to us after all but there sure was a quickly rising sensation of anxiousness and expectancy, or at least, that’s what I was feeling inside myself at least.

And finally, we could hear it, the sound of a clock striking from far away as the clock finally struck, another year passed and we were finally onto the next moment of our lives, the year 20__.

“Ahh, Neko. It’s finally…whaaa!-”

Before I could even cheer out a new year greeting, I felt myself instantly being wrapped around my waist from behind as Kuron’s ars slid and firmly lapsed around me. The next thing I knew, we were flown up into the air, held up in his arms in a bridal hold as I looked down at the ground in a slight shock.

“Ahh, Kuron high..this is….high.”

“Ermm…high…help hehe-”

Suddenly a violent flash of bright colourful lights exploded in the peripherals of my vision, followed by a loud ‘bang’ which echoed and resounded in my eardrums like clear gunfire. As I turned over to look, one after another, colour lights cascaded and painted the dark sky with lighting from fireworks. One after another, the fireworks shot up in the air with their distinct whistle and oud flash.

Observing the fireworks and taking in the beautiful sight, I let my head slowly fall and rest on Kuron’s chest with my arms that had subconsciously tightened around his shoulder, letting out a soft and comforting sigh as I eased myself into his embrace that warmed my body from the chill of the high altitude, his arms that held me so steadily despite us being so high up in the air.

“Wow…Kuron…the fireworks are so pretty…”

“Do you see this…”

I said softly, staring out towards the distance as I cranked my head and looked up at him and into his eyes, I could still see the reflections of the lights beside still flashing in his irises as I smiled up at him.

“Maybe it’s because you’re here, and that I feel super happy and glad this time… but they seem extra special and beautiful this year.”

“Don’t you think so? Hehehe~”

Without giving me a response, he started to lean closer towards me, his eyes closing and bidding themselves as I felt the soft press of his lips press on mine like the gentle touch of flower petals, smooth and scented, slowly his tongue came in tease, a nice surprise as I let out a short gasp and moaned into him.

The world soon just like that, melted away along with all manner of background, the sound of fireworks became muffled as I closed my eyes and wrapped myself closer onto him and deepened into the pleasing kiss, the soft comfort and happiness that peeled away at the seams of my heart and left me in bare unfiltered love and happiness.

Everything came to a standstill at that moment before he finally pulled away and stared back at me, those eyes that just hinted at the mere excitement that was filling up in his head right about now.

“You…hehe…I love you.”

Even in mid-air I somehow had the guts to shift around in my position to be held by my bottom as we both leaned in again, deepening into a longer more passionate kiss, lips pressed close into contact for deep warmth and passion as his heated quick breath could be felt whilst out lips parted to let muscle within come out into contact with each other.

Right here in the air were just another start to a sweet lovely moment in the year, no greater love and no greater passion possible as I had him wrapped in arms, one deep kiss and one long hug that would lead to whatever passionate moments after.

In the end, the only thing that was in my head was Kuron, his face that bloomed in my mind and how much I loved him. There was a peacefulness at that moment, something I couldn’t explain. The skipped beat of my heart despite I have kissed these very lips more times than I could count.

It really fascinated me that despite all the countable moments and experiences we have shared together, falling deeper and harder in love with him really was possible and ever so true. Enough that I was smiling like dawn to myself inside.

The last moments of this numbered year passed and like a flashback, I experienced and remembered the moments shared, the ‘I love yous’ that was shared and the bittersweet times as well. Inside my mind, there was excitement, for the fact that we were about to start another year together and that we were about to make even more new memories, share more experiences and above all else, get to love each other for another year to come.

#New years #01/01 #KouKuron #無神コウ #無神クロン #☆𝙎𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙄𝙙𝙤𝙡𝙨★#ᴛʜᴇ ɪᴅᴏʟ's sᴛᴏʀʏ💗(ᴇᴅɪᴛɪᴏɴ)

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jacquelinemerritt · 9 years

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Why do I watch film?

Originally posted April 14th, 2015

I was posed this question today, and I realized that despite all of my experience and knowledge relating to film, film criticism, and film theory, I don’t actually have a simple answer, and even worse, I’d not once asked myself this question before.

It’s never really been a big concern, if I’m being honest. I’ve been watching film and television since the first month of my life (I was taken to see The Lion King in theaters by my Papaw not long after it was released), and so the idea that I would just keep watching film has always just been a given in my mind. And, most importantly, I enjoy watching films, and find doing so to be enriching, educational, and valuable, so the possibility that I would ever stop watching films is just absurd, in my mind.

To further complicate things, I already have a huge number of answers to the similar question “Why should a person watch films,” all of which are fairly obvious to anyone who understands the value of art, and that films are art (it’s a form of personal expression, the expression can resonate emotionally, and the creativity of that expression is inherently valuable). And that’s not even mentioning film’s specific capacity to represent the real, the fantastic, the dreamlike, and the unconscious in unique ways, all of which have been explored in detail by both filmmakers and film theorists alike.

So this question of why I watch films isn’t something that puzzles me because I doubt its value or importance as a medium. It puzzles me, I think, because I have never asked the question of why I watch films instead of focusing on another artistic medium, and also, because I’ve never asked the question of why I personally watch film. And now, I’m going to attempt to answer those two questions to the best of my ability.

Why do I watch films?

Let’s get the obvious out of the way. Films (typically) tell stories. Stories have emotional impact and resonance because they’re one of the primary methods of human communication and education. They have inherent value because of that, and they have personal value because of how they have affected me.

So with the obvious (I say, nonchalantly throwing out complex and controversial anthropological theory at you without evidence; a post for another day, because these are totally frequent) out of the way, let’s get into the complicated matters.

As I mentioned before, I’ve always watched films. Some of my earliest memories revolve around watching The Fox and the Hound, and more importantly, watching my cousin’s watch it, waiting for their reactions to the “good parts” (the friendship of Todd and Copper and their dedication to one another will always hold a special place in my heart; also that bear is scary as shit when you’re seven, and is definitely the creepiest creature Disney has ever animated in my opinion). But that experience is by no means unique to me; most of my generation has grown up with the same amount of exposure to film, and probably even watched The Fox and the Hound with their friends, and the majority of them haven’t ended up studying it at a high level with me. So why am I here, studying film, writing films, and making plans to become a film writer and director?

I think that primarily, it stems from the fact that I just “get” film. I understand visual storytelling. I understand what a cut from one shot to the next can imply, what the framing of a shot can imply, what the movement of the camera can imply, and I understand all of these things very automatically, often subconsciously (learning to consciously recognize these things has been what the bulk of my study of film has been for). And this natural understanding of film is why I’ve probably always seen stories very visually (beyond imagining stories in my head as films, when I read books, I see cuts, pans, shifting focus, variable depth of field, etc.; it’s probably why if worse comes to worst, I’ll end up writing adapted screenplays of popular novels).

That natural understanding doesn’t apply to nearly any other medium though. With say, painting, my understanding of framing and composition gives me some understanding of the medium, but I know absolutely nothing about brush strokes, canvas, or paint type. The same applies somewhat to fictional writing as well; sure, I know how to analyze plot, characters, themes, and the like, but I know nothing about defining space with language, how to use different writing styles to differentiate between characters, or how to use different rhetorical styles to differentiate between ideas (this post is undoubtedly a mess in that regard).

But my natural understanding of film only explains why choosing to study it was a smart choice; I could have invested the time necessary to understand the other mediums of art, and in the future, that’s most likely what I will end up doing with my spare time. And the reasons for that natural understanding are still actually really mysterious to me. Does my mind just naturally function like an editing board, making my understanding of editing a natural extension of its capacity? Or on that same note, have I simply just been so influenced by the editing of films that my brain has rewired itself to accommodate that, making my understanding of editing a learned behavior? Why have I always been drawn to film, and not any of the other arts that I’ve spent time studying? Is it something inherent to the nature of film that’s always appealed to me?

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