SCREAMS
WELCOME BACK
I’VE HAD A WEEEK OF THINKING ABOTU EP 4 NONSTOP AND THE ONLY REASON I’M NOT POSTING ART IS BECAUSE I’M PARANOID ABOUT PEOPLE UNTHINKINGLY SLAPPING SPOILERS IN THE TAGS (its happened before) BUT DADSY HAS MY ENTIRE SOUL ANYWAY
ITS EP 5 TIME AND HECK HECK
MONKIE KID SEASON 4 EPISODE FIVE WE HALFWAY THROUGH BOOOOIIIIIIS
BUCKLE UP I AM NORMAL ALREADY FOLKS
actually to be honest I’ve been pretty chillin until I doodled Pigsy and Mk and now I’m feeling feral THIS SHOW REALLY IS SO GOOD FOR MY BRAIN YELLSSS
OKAY OKAY HERE WE GO
COURT OF THE YELLOW ROBED DEMON HECK SOUNDS FUN LETS BOOGIE
continues to be a banger theme song that i will listen to all the way through every time it plays thank you very much
.
.
.
i need a moment
lays down
Pigsy absolute beloved ;-;
ALSO I’M KINDA WHEEZING AT THE BLUE ISN’T REALLY MY COLOUR
HECK I DIDNT’ APPRECCIATE EP 4 ENOUGH SO YOU BEST BELIEVE I’MA BE CHERISHIGN THE CRAP OUTTA EPISODE FIVE
I’M JUST SO HAPPY PLS BGSL;DKFMSDF
Pigsy washing his clothes in the river, Mk doodling i adore I’m so much and MEI BELOVED BALANCING SWORD ON HER NOSE I’M
THE VIBES ARE SO GOOD I WILL CRY
i had to rewind because i just sat here watching and just ;-; SUCH GOOD VIBES MAN |;A;/
ALSO HECK DIOLOGUE
HECKINGDSFLKMSD
PIGSY CALLING OTHER PIGSY A MONSTER
HMHMHM JOTTING THAT DOWN UR HONOUR
NGL BUT THAT VALIDATES MY OWN LITTLE SELF-INDULGENT FIC I WROTE A WHILE BACK OF TIME TRAVEL AND HIM DISLIKING PAST HIM SORRY I’M JUST GRRGRRRAWRRR BITES /POS
IS PIGSY HAVING TROUBLE ACCEPTING THAT WAS A PAST LIFE?
HECK I’M BITESBITESBITES
THE LAST EP KINDA FELT CONFUSING WHERE TANGS FELT VERY THUROUGH IN WHAT THE BIGGEST REGRET THING WAS BUT
AFTER LITERALLY JUST THAT LINE I’M LIKE OH SO HIS GREATEST REGRET WAS JUST BEING WHO HE WAS HUH FR
I’M LIKE THIRTY SECONDS IN AND ALREADY NORMALGBS;LDFKMA
Tang with the name correction ;-;
PIGSYGBSDFLMWE
DON’T GO COMPARING ME TO THAT DEMON
I’M JUST PLAIN OL PIGSY
|;A;/
I’M FINE IGNORE ME
Pigsy ur so valid for wanting layers on hHNV;LKSMFSD But my good sir no need to apologize for being a hunk smhBG;LSKDFM;WOEF
Mei
Mei absolute beloved
a
s
SCREAMS
DRAGON TIME
WE GONNA SEE HIIIMMMMMMM
considering i had so much brainrot about Wukong and Ao Lie brother moments after season 3 if we see him and we get any of his care for his bro i will be emotionally destroyed /pos LIKE I BEEN THINKING ABOUT THEM SM I TELL YOU AAAAAAAA
Mei: oh he must’ve been awesome
you’re right mei he was
just didn’t get much… screen time. book time? time
BG;KSADFKMSDF
I WONDER HOW THEY’LL CHRACTERIZE HIM
HECK
AAAAAAA
SO MANY OPTIONS
i am very normal if we see him i’ll cry
Mei’s got some seriously good balance now
MY ANCENSTORGSLDFKMAGNMAWE
.
Okay i wanna laugh over Mei’s I THOUGHT MONKEY KIGN WIAS YOUR DAD! HE’S NOT MY DAD!!!!
I WAS GONNA LAUGH BUT U H
THIS IS THE SECOND TIME THIS HAS BEEN MENTIONED
MK IS LITERALLY DRAWING A STONE EGG
THE PEBBLE CRACKING IN HIS FLASHBACK
BUDDIES OF MINE SUDDENLY ON THE MK AND WUKONG SIBLING TRAIN
head in hands
so this confirms the theory that smacked me in the face last week this is fine
Mk fr probably a pebble from swk’s rock or something i don’t know TOO MANY FINGERS POINTING IN TAT DIRECTION I DONT’ KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THAT FEEL FREE TO PROVE ME WRONG UNIVERSE I WOULD GLADLY ACCEPT IT
AM I AFRAID TO LEARN ABOUT MK’S BACKSTORY NOW?
YEAH A LITTLE BIT
EVERYHTING IS FINE
TIS IS FINE
A
AH
PLS
SCREAMS
HE SAID IT
SHAKES YOU
GUYS HE SAID IT I’MGNSDFLK;MASDF
THE POINT
AND
PIGSY’S MY DAD
PIGSY SWEATINGBDL;KMASD
PLEASENG;LKSAMF
UR HONOUR
UR HONOUR PLEASE
THIS IS MY SEASON
THIS IS MY SEASON
HECKING
GETTING EVERYTHING I COULD EVER WANT SHUT UUUUPPPPBGS;DFKLMAW;EOIMFE
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
HIS BLEP AND CONTINUES COLOURING
Y’ALL MK MY BELOVED I ADORE THIS DUDE SM
PIGSY BLINDSIDED BY BEING CALLED DAD SO BLATANTLY I’M ON THE FLOOR
MK REALLY JUST
LETS CUT THE CRAP THAT’S MY DAD EVERUYBODY ELSE CAN GO I’MGBSD;FKMASDF
Guys I think i found my favourite episode
no lie this is
everything to me rn
PLEASE
A CONSPIRICY BOARDBG;SLKDMFWE
TANG’S DOODLES
SANDY STILL OFF SCREENGBSD;FKM;WOEF
CAN MEI BECOME A HORSENGKLMFD
GOOD QUESTION ACTUALLY
HECK HECK I FEEL LIKE THIS IS MOVING TO FAST I WANT TO GO BACK AND REWATCH THE WHOLE MONKEY KINGS NOT MY DAD PIGSYS MY DAD UH KID I’M NOT TECNICALLY-
HEKCKMGNDSFMSD
YEAH
I CAN’T BELIEVE
THEY’RE THEORIZING ON SCREEN
ABOTU WHETHER OR NOT MK’S RELATED TO MONKEY KING
I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS REAL I FEEL LIKE I’M SCROLLING THORUGH THE FANDOM TAGBGBSDL;KFMSDF
I WILL CRY
HECK THIS IS SO FUNNY SEEING IT ALL SLAPPED OUT LIKE THAT I’VE LITERALLY THOUGHT THAT ALL IN THAT ORDER WE’VE MADE SO MANY THEORIES LIKE THIS I’M WHEEZINGNSDFL;KMSDF
BELOVED MONKEY KING
REAL SWK CONFIRMED
I’M GONNA SCREAM
THEY LEGIT DOING THIS??
FR???
I CAN’T BELEIVE THISGBSD;FKLMOEWF
SO
MK
RELATED TO MONKEY KING SOMEHOW CONFIRMED IG
ALL THAT
PLS
HE’S AT LEAST A STONE MONKEY
I DON’T KNOW HOW THAT WOULD WORK I LIKE MONKEY KING BEING ONE OF A KIND AND ALL THAT NOT SURE ABOUT THAT APPROACH BUT HECK IT WE BALL IG
ALSO PLEASELMGSAOFE
MK JUST LIKE NOOOO NONONONONOOO NO THANK YOU THAT’S CRAAAAZY
ah yess because he’s normally sooooo forthcoming with information
HELPGSDLKF
YEAH
SHE GOT A POINT LAD
SHE DO BE GOT A POINT
poor mk not looking very stoked at this possibility
CURIOUS YOU’D THINK HE’D BE ECSTATIC BUT IG TRUAMA DOES A LOT BGSDL;FKMS
MK COMUNICATING LEGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
WELL WHEN WE FIND HIM WE CAN ASK HIM! :D
PLS I JUST LOV EHIM A LOT GUYS
PIGSYGBSD;LKFMWE
PIGSY YOU’VE BEEN HERE FIVE SECONDS WHY ARE YOU ANNOYEDNLGKMMFEEF
I’m telling you now! :D
PLS IT TAKES A SECOND TO FIGURE THESE THINGS OUT
H
HECK
SCREAMS
HECK WAIT
I’M NOT READY
THIS IS SO EARLY IN THE EPISODE WDYM
USUALLY THEY WAIT TILL CLSOER TO THE END TO LULL YOU INTO A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY
WE’RE ONLY TWO MINUTES IN
HELP WAITBG;LSDKMF
also welp ig mk really is stone monkey HOW DOES THAT WORK I DON’T KNOW I’M IN PIECES GO BACKGNS;LKFMWE
i DON’T KNOW IF THAT’S MONKEY KINGS ROCK MK I THINK IT’S YOURS
ALSO UM WHAT THE HECKNVG;LKSDMFBGN;AKFMA;WOEF
MK VERY EAGER TO HAVE MONKEY KING EXPLAIN TO EVERYONE HE’S DEFINITELY NOT HIS DADGBSDF;LKM;SDF
th
heck
okay
so
so
soooo
that sounded
less like monkey kings voice there
and more like
ahem
Mk’s
SO WHAT DOES THAT MEAN
SCREAMS AND SHAKES YOU ALL
I SWEAR IF HE’S A CLONE
OR HECKING
SOMETHING ID ONT’ KNOW
HE HECKING BETTER NOT BE DEAD
IT BETTER NOT BE MONKEY KING ISNT’ ACTUALLY MONKEY KING AND MK’S HIS REINCARNATION AND MONKEY KING IS ACTUALLY JUST A CLONE LEFT BEHIND TO COACH HIS NEXT LIFE THAT STUPID THING I MADE UP I SWEAR I WILL BE CRUSHED PLEASE DONT’ BE THATBG;SDLKFMAWOE I MADE THAT UP FOR ANGST PURPOSES NOT FOR IT TO BE A HTEORY FOR CANON
i am full of fear
HECK THOSE ARE GIANT EYES
SCROLL CURSE
UP
OH NO THEY LOST THE CHEAT SHEET
CHEAT SHEET WAIT THAT’S SO FUNNYGHSBDFLK;MWEF
OH HECK
HECKK
ECK HECK JGSDJLFSJD
MEI
WATCH IT
OH SHE’S FAST NOW
OH RIP
WELP
I DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING
SO WE’RE GONNA GET A MEI ARC IN THIS ONE AGAIN HUH
BREAK THE SWORD DISSAPOINTED FAMILY OR SOMETHIGN GOTTA RE-PROVE HERSELF OR SOMETHIGN HECKINGNFDL;KMWE
THAT’S SUCH PRETTY ANIMATION THO HECK EHCK
WE’RE ONLY 2:50 IN WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS SCREAMS
.
THEY BETTER NOT HAVE BEEN ALL BUBBLED TO DIFFERENT PLACES I SWEAR
oh no yup separated
I’M SO SORRY MEI ILY
OH RIP
WELP
YUP EVERYBODY SEPERATED
AWESOME
.
HELPGML;SDFM
CONGRATS TANG LOOOKS ILKE YOU’RE IN THE KINGDOM OF WOMEN
GL WITH THAT
WIAT HELPGNSAOWE
HE FR JUST SCREAMS AND BUBBLES AWAY
HELPGMSLDF
I WAS EXPECTING HIM TO BE THERE LONGER HELPGNSDLFKMSDF
peak comedy there well done lets scream and run away from that chapter so true bG;LKAWEMFAEWFNAWFE
.
Mei.
Mei you
Mei you literally have the fire of Samadhi
you have the Samadhi fire
you don’t need a swordnGL;KMAWFE
OKAY THO MEI EP OR SOEMTHING IG
SHE’S GONNA GO ON A JOURNY OF SELF-DISCOVERY IG
ALSO WHERE THE HECK DID MK GO
WE SAW EVERYBODY ELSE
WER’ES MY BOOOIIIII
OH I HATE HIM
IMMEMDEATLEY
WHO’S THIS CLOWN
FIESTY
EAT MY FIST
WHY IS HE
TALKINGNSDFL;KMWE
KILL HIM
SUS OLD MAN
OH RIGHT YEAH YOU’RE THIS GUY
OH HE’S A VIBE ACTUALLY
LONG HAIR VIBIN
.
YOU BETTER NOT HTINK MEI IS YOU’RE HEKCING WHATEVER
OR MAYBE YOU WANNA CONSUME HER
OKAY YEAH
FUN
I’LL BE SPICY ALRIGHT
OHH
OKAY CONCERN
BURN HIM ALIVE
COME ON W
oh
not gonna
eat her right away oka
ITS HIM
ITS HIM
ITS HIM HITSBSFBGANFABF;IOAWMEFAWMGFA;LFMAWOIEMFAF
SCREAMS
SCREAMS
ITS HIM
TIS HIM
SHAKES YOU SHAKES YOU ITS HIM
I KNOW IT IS
ITS HIM I TS HIM TBNSLKMGNEEM
ITS HIM
GREEN
GREEN
ITS HIM
SCREAMS
IT HE
ITS HIM ITS MY MAAAN
ITS HE
SCREAMS
ITS AO LIE
SHUT I’M UP GONNA CRY ITS HIM RIGHT NOW HE
I’M HAVING A MOMENT HERE GUYS GIVE ME A SECOND I’M GONNA CRY
OH HE’S SO SCRUNGLY
OH HE’S SO
YES
OH THE LONG SLEEVES EXCUSE ME HE’S SO DELIGHTFUL
I IMMEDEATELY ADORE HIM
I am not normal
HE’S BEAUTIFUL
HIS LITTLE HEADTILT
I WILL SOB
HELPGMSDLFKMSDF
TANG JUST ZOOMIN
NOP NOPE NOPE NOPE
THE NEZHA MOMENT
THIS IS ACTUALLY SO MUCH FUN
HECK AO LIE IS SO SCRUNGGLY I WOULD DIE FOR HIM YA’LL
HE’S DRAWN SO NICE
HES’ BEAUTIFUL
MEI GETS TO HANG OUT WITH HER ANCESTOR
SHE’S EITHER GONNA BE ANNOYED BY HIM OR VIBE AND I’M GONNA CRY EITHER WAY
OH NOPPES OUT TANG ET MOVING
YUP NOPE
THAT’S THE WORNG DOOR VERY MUCH
OH HE’S LAUGHIGN AT HER
WHATS SO FUNNY GUY
I LOVE
I LOVE HIM
SISTER
PLS
I ADORE HIM
YOU DONT’ UNDERSTAND
I’M IN LOVE WITH HIS DESIGN THE VOICE ACTOR IS SO GOOD
THE :3 FACE THEY’RE GIIVNG HIM
i am actually going to cry
YOU GUSY HE’S SO SCRUNGLY
PLEASE
PLEASE HE’S EVERYHTING TO ME
I WANT TO GIVE HIM SNACKS
THE TRIP
PLEASE
HE’S JUST A GOOFY LITTLE GUY
truly this is the youngest sib during the journey truly tis him
i love how i’m just assuming this is Ao Lie when i actually have no proof its just the vibes via the story and the fact he’s beautiful and green and absolutely delightful I WOULD DIE FOR HIM YOU DON’T UNDERSTANDNGLSDMAGNWO;EFM
oh man we’re only halfway through this is gonna be a long post hG;KLSDFJSD
THIS GUY
YUP MILDLY ANNOYED
I LOVE HIM
OH
OH BUDDY NO
BUD
BELOVED
I’M ABOUT TO CRY
BRUH REALLY
JUST VIBIN
WAITING FOR HIS PWOERS TO BE SNATCHED
AND MEI JUST OUTRAGED BY THAT
YEAH
I’M
HECK
HECK GUYS THAT’S HER ANCESTOR I’M GOING TO BURST INTO TEARS THIS IS A THREAT
INACTION IS CARELESS
IN
INTERSTING
MADAM
MEI NOT ALL OF THAT IS CORRECT
OH LETS GO I HOPE THIS IS A BOTH LEARN SOMETHING FROM EACH OTHER ARC I WILL CRY
MEI HECKA PASSIONATE ABOUT HER FRIENDS
HELPGMSDFLMADF
DO NOT SENSE
PLEASE
PLEASE HANG ON THIS IS MOVING SO FAST
THEY WENT FROM LIKE
HI
HI
*INTENSE PHYSCOLOGICAL DISCUSSION*
THEY JUST MET PLEASENG;LKMSDFE
IS IT GONNA BE LIKE
GET OUT AND THEN SURPRISE! I’M AO LIE!
ANYWAY IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU BYEEEE
PLS
A SWORD IS POWERLESS WITHOUT THE HAND THAT WEILDS IT
I ADORED IT
MY DUDE WHO IS PROBABLY AO LIE no its’ definitely Ao Lie AO LIE BELOVED I LOVED IT ITS A GREAT BIT OF WISDOM
THEIR LITTLE BANTER IS SO FUNNY PLEASE
MEI’S READY TO BITE HIM HE’S JUST SILLY GOOFY MAN
THEY BOTH GOT GOOD POINTS
man family dinner must be fun if his sister’s anything like Mei bGALK;SMDFAOWEF MAN I LOVE THEM
TANG REALLY GOING THROUGH IT
M
MO??????
MO??????
MO IS THAT YOU???
HECK???
WHERE’D YOU COME FROM???
WHY AREN’T YOU WITH SANDY??
i mean sandy’s probably not sandy rn but MO????
OH HECK
HELLO
AH
LOUDLY
DECLARING THAT HUH
WHATS GOING ON OVER THERE
Y’know hang on before we listen to Wukong’s bros trash talk him i wanna think about the fact that Wukong and Ao Lie probably get along great because they’re so alike
they’re just silly goofy Ao Lie probably reminds Wukong of himself back when he was just goofing off pls
OH??
OH MACAQUE’S THERE LISTENIGN TO THEM TRASH TALK HIS BELOVED FRIEND?? YEAH?? OH I’M INVESTED LETS FREAKING GO
unpredictable sure is a word for WukongnGL;KMEAFWE
CHARERISTICALLY QUIET PLSNG;LSDKMF
oh wow hey
New VA nailing it actually
deeper sounding
more gruff
hang on i need a sec
lays down
heck
okay
okay we’re good
lets see if Azure’s vibes continue to be rancid or he says something to bring it back
also my goodness what a good thing to slap in there, Monkey king gone for years at a time sure does make it sketchy i’m biting this
OH HE’S IN THE BIG OL KING SEAT UH
TANG RECIGNIZING HIM FROM THE DOODLE
PLS THAT’S SO SILLY /POS
NO YEAH ME TOO DUDE
HE’S HECKA SUS
HIS VIBES CONTINUE TO BE RANCID
also heck i’m curious as to what they’re gonna do with this
like if Mac goes along with those three and then it’s actually the other way around not Wukong betraying them but them betraying him that’d be WILD considering we’re all so sure its something Wukong did but heck maybe Azure really does do something heck heck
OKAY BACK TO THE FAMBLY
and the excellently designed dude i immediately hated
he and Ao Lie are on opposite sides of the scale for me pleasemKLGASDF Cool design I IMMEDEATELY HATE HIM and COOL DESIGN I ADORE HIM
Whats up greasy ole face weirdo
oh
OH BELOVED
BEAUTY FIRST
DID I HEAR THAT RIGHT
DID HE JUST SAY BEAUTY FIRST OR AM I JUST IN LOVE WITH THE DESIGNGNSDLFKMABGOWEMF
I’M GONNA ASSUEM THAT’S WHAT HE SAID AND CRY OVER THE FACT AO LIE IS PRETTY WE BEEN KNEW
OH MAN MEI’S GREAT
YEAAAHHHHH
SCREAMS
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
is the the DANG DRAGON MOMENT U SEEM MORE FAMILAR ARE WE RELATED MOMENT OR GNSLDK;MFAOWEIM
AAAA
SEH’S SO GOOD I LOVE HER A LOT
GET EM MEI
OH
AYO
MADE HERSELF A SWORD
LETS FREAKING GOOOOOOOOOOO
SHE’S SO GOOD
I LOVE HER
WHITE HORSE DRAGON
HEAR THAT AO LIE??
HEAR THAT???
Its okay i’m fine i’m just losing it
GET EM GURRRLL
SHE’S SO
FREAKING POWERFUL
OH WOW THE DRAMATIC
HAIR SWOOSHY
I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS THE RIGHT DAY TO BE CARELESS
OH
OH FREAKING
HECK
WOW
HE’S
OH WOW
AW
I LOVE
HIM
I LOVE IM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM
ITS YOU
AO LIE LIKE EH??
VA GO BRRR
I KNEW YOU WERE COOL
OH REALLY YOU THINK SO? :D
HE’S SO SCRUNGGLY
OH THE COOLEST
PLEASE
I WANT MORE OF HIM
I WANT MORE OF HIM SO BADLY
I BEG OF YOU
HE IS EVEYRTING TO ME I GOT CHILLS
HECK
HECK
OH
OH
OH MAN
MAN
AMV TIME HERE I COME THIS SEASON IS SO FREAKING GOOD I’M LOSING IT
I’M GONNA MAKE SO MANY AMVS I SSWEAR
I’M GONNA WATCH THIS EP ON LOOP
AO LIE IS EVERYTHING
I WANT HIM BACK
PLEASE
AAAAAAAAAA
|;A;/
SCREEAAAMMSSS
OKAY
OKAY
MK
OH MY BOY ARE YOU ALRIGHT?
HECK HE WAS STRAIGHT UP KNOCKED OUT UNLIKE EVERYONE ELSE
GO BACK WHERE’S PIGSY
HECK HECK HECK
I WANT MORE DADSY CONTENT WAAAAIT
OHBOY
WHERE ARE THEY
W
OH PUTI
OH
OH
OH
OH ARE WE
WHERE
HECK
HANG ON
SHOOT
HE IS NOT REPLACING SWK IN THIS
I SWEAR
I WILL LOSE MY GOSH DANG MIND IF THEY DO THAT
SWK IS TOO IMPORTANT TO ME DON’T DO THIS TO ME
HECK HECK HECK HECK HECK
SCREAMS
OKAY
OKAY SO MK IS IN
MONKEY KINGS PLACE
HECK
SO CONFIMRED MK STONE MONKEY AT LEAST, LITERLALY SWK’S SON OR SIBLING AT MOST OR LITERALLY SWK, AO LIE IS MY MOST FAVOURITE EVER I WANT HIM AND SWK BEING GOOFY TOGETHER RIGHT FREAKING NOW, ZHU BAJIE’S GREATEST REGRET MIGHT JSUT BE HIM BEING HISMELF, LBD LOOKED RIGHT AT TANG, MEI CAN MAKE HER OWN NEW SWORD NOW, MK MIGHT BE REPLACING MONKEY KING, AZURE’S VIBES CONTINUE TO BE RANCID, THE NEW VA FOR MAC IS DOING A REALLY GOOD JOB OF SOUNDING CLOSE THE TO THE OG (nothing but appreciation for this guy thank you big shoes to fill) AND THEY’RE ALL SEPERATED, TANG FOUND MEI THO, AO LIE WAS READY TO GIVE UP HIS OWN POWERS, THEY CLASHED BOTH HAD GOOD POINTS, TANG BOOKED IT OUT OF THE KINGDOM OF WOMEN, MK DIDN’T KEEP HIS FRIENDS IN THE DARK ABOTU HIS VISIONS FOR LONGER THAN LIKE TWO EPISODES AND IS COMMUNCIATING, SEEMS TO HAVE A PROBLEM THINKING ABOUT SWK AS HIS DAD, PIGSY GOT CALLED DAD PIGSY’S MY DAD, AH HECK HECK THIS EPISODE HAD SO FREAKING MUCH THEY FOUND MO, HOLDS HIM GETNLY, MACAQUEEEEEE AAAAAAAAA I LOVE ALL THESE GUYS SO MUCH
SHUT UP I THINK THIS IS MY FAVOURITE EPISODE NOBODY TOUCH ME I GOT EVERYTHING BUT WUKONG AND I’M ON A HIGH
KNOX OUT I GOTTA GO RUN INTO SOME SNOW
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cash machine || kth
pairing: kim taehyung/f!reader
genre: fluff & humor. crack actually. crack cocaine.
word count: 11.1k
warnings: strong language, drinking, an unwated kiss (not from tae), unsanitary jokes (i’m immature), implied sex, vomiting
extra: (fr)enemies to lovers, road trip au, rich kids au but it’s barely there also they’re on summer vacation, also this story takes place in the usa JUST to drag the trip out tbh
summary: Jungkook and Seokjin get a little problematic, you have anger issues and Taehyung is under the impression that he killed a man. Also, did you mention that you’re on your way to your unfunny cousin’s wedding? Go on a road trip from Missouri to Las Vegas and you’ll be in for a hilarious yet scary experience!
a/n: hi! i’m just starting this account out, so reblogging would mean a lot to me. i’m a novice to writing, so criticism is welcome as long as you’re not rude about it. have fun reading (i hope)! i also have a jungkook fic planned next (:
song
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
Jungkook has that look in his face, the one he makes where the person sitting opposite of him is about as depraved as he is. He’s given it to you while you were explaining to him how to scam desperate men under the preface of a faux premium Snapchat and he’s given it to Jimin when they were finishing their high school careers and decided to release grasshoppers in the principal’s office.
However, if there’s one person that’s about as fucked up in the head as he is, it’s Seokjin. The man also suffers from SMSTS as well (Serious Misconception of Sexual Tension Syndrome, and yes, that’s quite a lot of s’s), which doesn’t hurt given the current affairs.
While Jungkook is aware that Jimin and Hoseok are always up for a bit of mischief, he has ruled them both out as incompetents and moved on to the real deal. Jimin has these rare moments of sanity and Hoseok, as your most loyal little bitchboy, would probably tattle the situation with made-up details to you before the plan is even set in action.
So, Seokjin it is.
The story begins in a faraway land before Jungkook knew about the tragic facets of your family’s relationships. Though his friend group is on good terms with your siblings and your other close relatives are aware of their existence and somehow only have good things to say about them, he never thought they’d be invited to your cousin’s wedding. To be fair, you had to do some serious persuasion for your family to allow you to invite six more people to somebody else’s wedding so there’s that factor contributing, but still, the offer is out of the blue.
Somewhere along the way, you went on a tangent about how much you hate your cousin and how your aunt doesn’t have eyebrows and how bothersome it is to look at her face. Your horror stories were mostly you just being your usual dramatic self, but they also revealed that the [L/n]s aren’t what they appear to be.
You begged and begged for them to accept the invitations, and though Namjoon and Yoongi, unfortunately, couldn’t make it, the others agreed.
Then arose the problem of the sixth spot that couldn’t be filled. You would’ve just let it be but your parents insisted that if you’re going to ask for something, you should fulfill it until the end. It was Namjoon you’d asked to come first, but he was busy with visiting family back in Seoul, and Yoongi then declared that he didn’t feel like humoring you this once. And that was the exact moment Jungkook decided to strike.
“You want to play matchmaker?” Jin asks. And though he looks almost skeptical, his tone is definitely an excited one. “With [Y/n] and Tae, of all people?”
“Well yes, think about it logically,” he explains as he is about to say something completely illogical. “She has that sixth spot to fill, she has no other friends and they’re perfect for each other. All the other shit we’re gonna pull is just for fun, though.”
Jin laughs an evil laugh, always one to be up for evil schemes. Just another evil day in the evil life of Kim Seokjin. “Well, [Y/n] is Tae’s perfect mean girl. And that girl needs either therapy or to get laid, but like, same.”
“See? You get me.”
“To be fair, I think that goes for all of us. No offense.”
“None taken,” Jungkook agrees. “Anyways, I was thinking of a… road trip.”
“Well you didn’t have to be so dramatic about it, this isn’t The Godfather. Though I do feel like I’ve definitely got a bit of Michael Corleone in me.”
Jungkook shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly at the other fiend’s remark. “You can pray to god all you want. Here in these streets, the only thing we believe in is El Chapo.”
“I— Okay…”
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
[11:05] LeBruh James: wtf is wrong with u
[11:05] LeBruh James: get help seriously
[11:06] jk the slump god: all i said was that u should invite taehyung as the 6th person to ur cussin’s wedding
[11:06] jk the slump god: overreacting arent we
[11:10] LeBruh James: what the hell is a cussin bitch im gonna kill u
[11:13] jk the slump god: not like u have anyone else to invite tho
[11:13] jk the slump god: hes not that bad ur just being urself
[11:14] LeBruh James: ur literally Not helping ur case rn
[09:45] LeBruh James: none of the girls want to gooooo
[09:45] LeBruh James: fine if it has to be taehyung ig ill live w it
[10:30] jk the slump god: great he already said yes
[10:30] jk the slump god: btw we’re gonna go in las vegas at the end of a road trip u in?
[10:33] LeBruh James: HE SAID YES BEFORE I EVEN INVITED HIM…
[10:33] LeBruh James: EYE. OK.
[10:33] LeBruh James: on one hand i kind of dont want to see any of u but if ur all gone i wont have anything to do b4 the wedding so i guess im in by proxy
[10:34] jk the slump god: lovely doing business with u y/n-chan
[10:36] LeBruh James: call me y/n-chan again and I Will Put ur Dick-Chan in a Freezer-sama and then Cut-san it off
[10:39] jk the slump god: i dont think ur using the honorifics correctly tbh..
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“I don’t see how this is a good idea,” you state with a dramatic pout while looking out of the window. Your expression is solemn.
Taehyung kind of can’t believe that you’re throwing a tantrum just because you had to sit next to him in the three-row SUV, but on the other hand, he’s kind of into it. You’re more appalled by the fact that he’s not as disgusting up close as you’d imagined him to be. Well granted, you’re being immature, but it’s your shtick so they take it with a grain of salt.
“Why’s that?” Jungkook asks obtusely. He ruined your life the moment he started calling you [Y/n]-chan and he has that bad case of crazy eyes he gets sometimes when you look at his reflection in the mirror going on right now. You’d be more understanding of his condition, hadn’t your trip started barely five minutes ago.
“What do you mean why is that? We’re all unstable backstabbing lunatics, do you think we can survive together for six whole days?! Stranded or even in a hotel? And then the ride back to Springfield?”
“Hotel? You’re funny. It’s always been my dream to sleep in a motel,” Jin pipes up.
“Seriously? No limo, now this.”
“Hotel, motel, holiday inn,” Hoseok starts singing. Perhaps if it was queen Britney, it would’ve curbed your temper but fate doesn’t seem to be that kind.
“Hotel, motel, holiday inn! Hotel, motel, holiday inn! Hotel, motel, holiday inn!”
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“So we’re not going to visit the Grand Canyon?”
“It’s in Nevada,” Jimin explains. “We don’t have any business there except for going to the wedding. I’d be more down to do it if I wasn’t afraid that one of us, meaning [Y/n], would push one of the others, meaning you, in the gutter.”
“Just a little visit?” Taehyung is talented at only hearing what he wants to hear. However, that doesn’t make the conversation any more productive.
“Well not to be the acrophobic buzzkill, but why are you so adamant about visiting the Grand Canyon?” This is the first time you’ve directly addressed Taehyung since the beginning of these mind-numbing two hours. Jin, hands still on the wheel, dares to take a peek at Jungkook and smile an asshole-type smile before almost accidentally crashing into a pole.
“Watch the road!” Hoseok cries out. Everyone else either refuses to acknowledge what just occurred or decides to spare themselves from doing so.
“Jin says that he always wanted to sleep in a motel. I have another dream.”
“To visit the Grand Canyon?”
“Not exactly. I want to take a shit in there and see if I can hear it splatter. Think that’s possible?”
“Maybe if you angle your butthole the right way—” Jimin’s explanation is cut short.
“Oh my god, you are disgusting. Shut up. I don’t want to hear it.”
“What did I tell you about El Chapo, [N/n]?”
“What about El Chapo?”
“Holy shit, I think I’m confusing conversations,” Jungkook admits. Jin offers no more than an eye-roll.
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Tulsa is a dump, really. Unfortunate that you had to make a stop here but also you’re satisfied because your right asscheek feels numb right now. Might have to take Kelly for a walk, though.
Taehyung stumbles out of the vehicle after you and all six of you seize each other fleetingly before making your way towards the gas station, a tense sort of silence following. You’re first to speak up. “Y’know, I’ve been listening to your voices for so long now that I don’t wanna look at your faces.”
“This tbh,” Hoseok agrees with your most profound sentiments as per the usual. He’s quick to match your pace, trailing after you like a lost puppy, successfully getting Taehyung out of his way. He puts his arm around your shoulders casually and you give him that sardonic smile that’s only really reserved for him.
“Don’t say tee-bee-aytch out loud. I get humiliation by proxy.”
Jungkook makes an exaggerated gagging sound before nudging Taehyung subtly enough that Jin is the only one who sees the interaction. Though the eldest had agreed with his deranged idea, there’s one thing that Kook knows that Jin hasn’t come to find out.
Taehyung has an ongoing problem or maybe he’s a masochist. He’s always been one to internally get attached to these girls who’d never give him the time of day, who can’t stand him at all. The tragedy-comedy that is his best friend’s love life started on a rainy day in second grade when a girl by the name of Seulbi punched him in the face and he was hooked on her for three years after.
After the infamous Seulbi, came Yeonji from the cheerleading club who blew off his invite to his first-ever party when they were fifteen. She’d called him a loser to his face and he was smitten with her for a while, too.
And then, you appeared in his life seemingly out of nowhere. Hoseok’s catty best friend with a tongue sharper than her stilettos and lipstick that goes perfectly with her skin tone.
Of course, he was aware of your existence prior to that accident he calls his first conversation with you—be it from the exciting yet flat-out brain dead antics Hoseok would describe you’d gotten caught up in at the time or from the sound of your heels sinking into the floor promptly before you entered math class. You were always late but claimed that the teacher should be grateful because you cut in line to arrive at school earlier. You always had one of those shitty overrated pumpkin spice lattes in your manicured hands.
Simply put, Taehyung likes you. Though after your disastrous first meeting during which, blunt-natured and seemingly lacking a sense of self-preservation, he called you a stuck up moron and you threatened to make an attempt at his life. With your bullheaded nature, things never did solve themselves after that one instance.
It’s not something that he’s expressed outwardly, but Jungkook knows him better than he knows the back of his hand. Unfortunately, he knows you too, even if not as well and he knows how you can’t get a boyfriend because you either scare them away or you find out they’re only after a quick fuck and some money.
Regardless, Jungkook writes off his inner ramblings as irrelevant before turning to Jin in what could be described as a conspirative manner. While clumsily handing the cashier gas money, he whispers something in the other man’s ear and Jin’s eyes literally twinkle like he’s in a low-budget porno.
He nods, furiously so, and the cashier simply stares at them like they’re two idiots that somehow merged into one. It’s not a pretty sight.
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“What? We’re sleeping out here?” Your whining is to be expected by now. Had any of your friends written an actual, physical, list of all the things you’ve complained about so far, it’d probably fill a notebook. Thankfully enough, said list remained as a mental compilation of your not-so-epic moments. “What about the motel?”
“Oh, so now you want a motel?” Jin quips back with a smirk. “They always come ‘round.”
Despite his boasting and apparent eagerness to go to a motel, that doesn’t change the fact that you all find yourselves in a campsite. You’re not an outdoor person save for going to parties or on a shopping spree with Hoseok. And well, your surroundings are a bit too green right now.
Taehyung is the next person to speak up, with a tense posture and his arms crossed over his chest, almost defiantly so. “Honestly, if you don’t want to be here, I don’t understand why you keep coming to these things.”
“Well, I don’t understand why I had to invite your dumb ass here either. I guess the inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.”
“Yeah, I thought Namjoon or Yoongi would be more fitting for your taste of guest,” he says, outright taunting you now, as if to remind you of your failed love rendezvous with your now close friends.
“Well yeah, but they both denied, so I had to invite you.”
“Ah,” he gives a slight sigh and you dismiss the sadness you register in his voice as something deserved for annoying you, “that does make more sense. Lucky me, I guess.”
“Awkies,” Jungkook announces as if it’s something that needs to be announced. Hoseok simply shrugs, and though you’re definitely not looking forward to sleeping out in the woods, he seems excited to try something new.
There’s something hilarious about seeing a bunch of upper-class kids trying to set up tents and start a fire. You’ve converted to the cavemen with Hoseok, seemingly unaware that engaging in a one-sided debate with a bundle of sticks won’t make them randomly engulf in flames while Hoseok is trying out a trick he saw in the movies.
Honestly, it’s enough of a miracle that you actually went out in the woods and helped without tripping your silly ass and getting lost among the catacombs. Granted, Hoseok would’ve been compassionate enough to look for you had you gotten lost, but you probably wouldn’t get over the trauma of being covered in mud.
Taehyung notices you both struggling. Part of him wants to make amends with you and a bigger part of him wants to leave Jimin to scramble on his own. Not that he’s sadistic or anything, he just likes seeing others suffer sometimes for entertainment purposes.
Anyways.
He approaches casually, like the kind of casual where you can tell that the person has an ulterior motive that they don’t want to reveal. Hoseok appears happy to see him, like he’s a savior on a white horse, while you don’t acknowledge him that much except for a sharp question regarding what he wants.
He greets the older boy with one of these grins you won’t admit you enjoy looking at before roaming through the pockets of his jacket. Now that you’ve noticed him wearing one, you come to the sudden realization that it is getting quite breezy.
Taehyung has the habit of scrunching his nose when he’s looking for something and then unconsciously smile broadly after succeeding in finding it. You don’t like that you’re aware of that and you especially don’t like that you can pinpoint the repetitive action.
It appears that Taehyung was looking for a lighter, of all things.
“I thought you quit smoking?” You simply give him an incredulous look.
He doesn’t grace you with an answer. Though he doesn’t reek of the putrid smell, you’re still hoping that the answer to that question is yes. Instead of soothing your curiosity, however, he uses the lighter to ignite a spark in the firewood and you guess that it’ll have to do.
“Well, that was quite pathetic,” you comment unhelpfully.
“Better than Hobi’s attempts and uh, whatever the fuck you were doing.”
Hoseok is enthusiastic to announce that the bonfire’s ready. You watch the clumsily prepped three tents in disinterest, not bothering to defend your attempt at enchantment to him. “Hoseokie, you’re gonna share a tent with me right?”
“Hoseokie,” Jin repeats, but in good fun, “I thought you were gonna crash with me tonight?”
You roll your eyes before redirecting your gaze towards Jimin and Jungkook. By the guilty smile Jungkook gives you, you can tell he doesn’t plan on letting Jimin out of his clown clutches. You narrow your expression and jut your lip out disapprovingly.
“Well, Mr. Handsome,” Jin interrupts whatever you have to say with a thank you, “since you and Kook have been jointed by the assholes since we got here, I don’t see what the problem is.”
“I think you’re just saying that because you don’t wanna sleep with Tae,” Hoseok comments obliviously.
“What he said. Also, these crackwhores are planning something, and I’m going to find out what.”
“Well, you’re in tough luck because Hoseok promised,” Jin argues, emphasizing the word promise. He has a shit-eating grin on his face and he’s not even denying your accusation.
Taehyung coughs once. The second time is overkill and sounds even faker than the first one. “Sorry, but if [Y/n] isn’t comfortable sharing the tent with me, it doesn’t really matter what Hoseok promised.”
You gape at him. This is probably the first intelligent thing that you’ve heard come out of his mouth. You almost reconsider your treatment of him after that, but then you remember that a guy being half-decent isn’t something you’re supposed to celebrate. You suppose that even he looks like a saint compared to some of your exes.
Everyone notices the conflict on your face but doesn’t say anything about it. Jin admits that Taehyung’s right with a wail yet the tension doesn’t dissolve, somehow. You excuse yourself by declaring that you’re going to get the blankets out of the SUV.
“Damn, that bad huh?” Jungkook laughs. It’s the hyena laugh that kind of doesn’t suit his face but also the one he does when he’s having fun for no good reason.
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“I heard in the girls’ bathroom once that this girl went on a diet where she only eats bananas for three months. Like, five a day,” you explain while you munch on your banana in front of the bonfire. Needless to say, you’ve come out to be severely underprepared in terms of food on your first day.
“That sounds like a strategy to make yourself unhinged,” Hoseok retorts. He believes your story but he’s skeptical about that banana business. “I’d never do that.”
“Me neither. Diets are stupid, anyway, can’t a bitch eat?”
Jungkook reaches over and high-fives you, looking at you like you’ve just invented air or some shit. “Amen to that sister.”
“By the way, what’s the plan for tomorrow?” Jimin is the one to speak up this time.
“I have quite the plan for you, alright,” Jin laughs. His next statement, however, is the embodiment of his immature nature. “But that banana talk had me all distracted.”
Everyone collectively groans. You’re not really sure if what he said would classify as a dad joke at this point; you’re now entering single-and-desperate-dad joke territory. Can’t say that you’d enjoy it coming from someone else, but Jin is Jin.
“Anyways,” he dismisses his previous remark with an easy-going smile and a wave of his hand in thin air, “we’re going to a breakfast place first thing in the morning. By foot.”
His grin is mischievous. You think this is the worst idea he’s had yet and no one else present seems attracted by the prospect of it either, so you vocally oppose him with a raised brow. “Don’t you realize how likely it is we’ll get lost?”
“Yeah, I also don’t wanna walk too much.” Hoseok’s always one to back you up.
“Technology doesn’t lie, [Y/n].”
“If technology doesn’t lie how come I had a D on my maths test in junior year when I used Photomath?”
Hoseok agrees, remembering the incident. That day was truly one of sorrow.
“Technology only lies if you’re gullible enough,” Jin now changes the narrative.
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You sneak out of your and Hoseok’s tent with a brief explanation thrown over your shoulder. Something about getting your make-up wipes from the trunk. Hoseok mutters inspiring words of advice—be careful, it’s dark and who knows what animal puke is on the ground—and you stumble your way to the SUV.
Shoving the keys in the hole proves to be a difficult task, however. You aimlessly jut it in, hoping to hit the correct place by some sort of miracle. This is the moment that you realize that your eyes aren’t so good at adapting to the darkness.
“Hey, what’re you doing?”
You jump up out of pure reflex. Startled, you whip around with a bemused look on your face. You’re gonna get wrinkles, damn it.
“Woah, girl jumps in heels,” Taehyung comments dryly.
“Don’t sneak up on me, you idiot cokehead,” you retort. You’re not sure why you said that. He’s not a cokehead.
“No, but seriously, what’re you doing?”
“I’m trying to look for my make-up wipes.”
Taehyung takes the keys from you. Without half as much fumbling as you’d done previously, he opens the trunk and you proceed with looking through your purse, only to come to the conclusion that you’ve forgotten your make-up lines somewhere. There’s now a new resolve, clear as day in your twisted mind—you have to find the supermarket you passed by on your way here and buy new ones.
“Did you find them?”
“No.” You scoff. An angry thaw and the trunk is now closed. “I’m going to buy some.”
“Woah, calm down tiger. Can’t you just sleep with it?”
“No! Do you know how bad that is for your skin?”
“Well, we could find a river and you could wipe your face with the dirty water.”
You give him a blank stare, barely suppressing a small giggle. “Do you understand how ridiculous you’re being?”
“I’m being ridiculous?”
Silence.
“...You’re not planning to go off in the woods during the dawn of asscrack, right?”
“The what? Yeah.”
Taehyung looks towards your tent only to see that the light is completely shut down. Hoseok must be asleep already. “I’ll go with you.”
You roll your eyes. “Do whatever you want.”
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“So, why do you hate your cousin so much?” Taehyung asks abruptly from behind you.
Most of your walk has been a silent one, so far, except for an occasional grumble from you and an absentminded one-liner from him. There’s also the sound of sticks crumbling under your high-heels that’s slightly irritating.
“Because she’s unfunny,” you reply seriously.
“You have issues.” This is probably the least significant reason someone has ever hated somebody else for, in the entire history of hatred. Strangely enough, however, Taehyung can’t help finding it endearing how outlandish you can be.
“I’m sorry, I must have Alzheimer’s because I don’t remember asking,” you snap with a roll of your eyes.
“You know, I have a dog,” he begins dramatically. “And sometimes he shits on the carpet and one time he puked on me, but I still love him very much. He’s gang, you feel?”
“I don���t see how that helps with my family situation.”
“I never said it’s supposed to help, I just wanted to talk about myself.” He snickers. You’re getting the most violent of urges.
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Leering over the thin metal fence that looms over an otherwise mundane hill gives you an idea. Down the admittedly high hill, the supermarket is obnoxiously lit up. However, the hideous sight doesn’t deter you—this is what your nirvana looks like in the given moment.
With one bold move, you lift your leg up the fence and Taehyung considers you, your motives and perhaps even your life until now. “What are you doing?”
“It’ll be faster if I go down the hill.”
“You’re gonna break your ankles in these shoes,” he rebuts, his voice a tilted monotone. “Also, I can see your underwear like this.”
“Perveeeeert.” This is your final taunt before you do make it over the short fence and onto the other side. Examining the hill from up close—but not before you roll your miniskirt down—you come to two conclusions. The first one is that it’s quite steep and the second one comes when you’re one step down, that maybe, just maybe, you’re a bit deranged.
With your back turned to him, you don’t get to see Taehyung experiencing the five stages of grief. There’s obvious conflict on his face and to be precise, his current dilemma is between worry for you and a lack of power to stop you. Perhaps had you turned around, you’d find the sight entertaining.
His movements are leisurely once he does get in motion. Taehyung’s plan is to simply help you up now that he noticed that you’re hesitating to go further than you’ve already gone.
His voice cutting through the night’s silence startles you. “Hey, you really shouldn’t do this.”
You stumble.
As tragic as that is, there’s something else to placate you; you’ve never seen Taehyung move so fast. Not even during the blip test in high school. The rest of his actions are less endearing—he throws you over his shoulder carelessly, stumbles onto the sidewalk and drops you like it’s hot. And then your legs are a bit wobbly, but you pretend they aren’t.
The unnerving silence remains all the way to the supermarket, then back to the campsite and even when Taehyung’s awkwardly using his phone as a flashlight in your face while you remove your make-up. There’s nothing to say, except maybe if he were to ask you a question that’s not to your liking.
(He’s not that bad.)
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Jin is in a hurry, but you’re not sure what for. It’s been practically less than a day since you started this road trip, but it feels longer. You’re conflicted about how to feel regarding that, but even so, Jimin and Hoseok’s enthusiasm is hard to ignore.
The feline smile on your face drops the moment Jungkook basically drags you out of your tent, bare-faced and severely underdressed. Well, to be honest, you blend in with them just fine, but in your head, you’re severely underdressed. Something more boujee is usually your style, but you realize your predicament won’t magically change the longer you’re walking in what feels like the middle of nowhere.
Tusla is gross, yes, but maybe Oklahoma is just gross in general.
When you’re unhappy, you don’t get shy about it—honesty is the best policy, after all. So you’re going on one of those annoying tangents you like to go on like it’s second nature to you. Maybe it is.
Taehyung drones out whatever it is you’re saying the moment you start talking about a pimple in your nostril that has hair growing out of it. He’s not particularly grossed out by this revelation, rather, he doesn’t like listening to you go on and on about everything you don’t like about yourself.
“And I couldn’t put on that necklace you got me for my birthday,” you complain before linking your arms with Hoseok’s and feigning a sniff.
“That is pretty horrible,” he hums in agreement. “I think I have a rash on my thigh.”
“See, if Jungkook wasn’t being horrible I could probably get some kinda product to smear on it.”
Taehyung feigns a loud yawn. Tagging along with you and Hoseok isn’t as tiring as he’d like to make it out to be.
“What’re you yawning so blatantly for? I hate being interrupted.” You roll your eyes cockily.
“Sorry, I almost fell asleep during this uninteresting speech of yours.”
You fume again and Hoseok reassures you with something along the lines of don’t worry, [Y/n], it’s very interesting. Then, silence follows. It always seems to end up like this between the two of you.
“Well, if it helps,” Taehyung starts, tone breezy, “you’re still beautiful.”
You feel your face heat up. Sure, boys have given you plenty of compliments before—you’re no stranger to it—hot, sexy and maybe pretty on a good day. But beautiful? Especially without any make-up on? This is definitely something new.
Hoseok smiles. “Yeah, he’s right.”
You don’t want to admit just how flattered you really are. “Of course I am.”
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You take the first thing you find to your liking once you reach the breakfast place. Actually, it’s more brunch than it is breakfast, but all that walking is making you starve so you don’t feel particularly inclined to be hung up on semantics.
“It’s on me.” Jungkook sweeps in smoothly, giving you a flashy smile.
“Fuck off. I’m still mad at you.”
“You might be, but not for long,” he argues with an obnoxious grin on his face. “They call it… The Kook Effect.”
You shake your head. “I’m pretty sure you just made that up.”
“Yeah? Remember when you won a bet against Jimin and he had to call you Supreme Majesty in freshman year? And then you pretended that he did it out of his own volition.”
“Oh, I’m not taking this from you and your dead trim.”
“My trim is fine, thanks.”
“Dead trim!” you repeat, almost frantic. You’re so caught up with Jungkook’s dead trim that you don’t notice that Taehyung is giving you a cheesy smile as he buys you your food. He looks like the greasiest gentleman alive when he hands it to you.
“And what’s that about?”
“In junior year, at summer camp, they took away our phones because someone recorded the instructor jerking off. And then like, blackmailed him.”
You quirk an eyebrow up at this, unsure what he’s hinting at. “Right.”
“Right. And then they took all of our phones for a month and you started crying about how your life is a living nightmare.”
“Right…” you trail off, suddenly embarrassed as if that hadn’t happened a whole two years ago. But like, it totally was a big deal! “The no phone rule was the worst. Even worse than the public bathroom rule.”
“I did it. I’m making it up to you,” he explains.
You feel your mouth twitch into a small smile, one that he hasn’t quite seen on you before. “I forgive you this once, then.”
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“We’re going to a hotel after sightseeing,” Jin explains. It’s like he’s got everything figured out all by himself and perhaps with the help of Jungkook’s annoying personality. “I arranged the rooms and everything while you were eating.”
“Quite epic,” Jimin comments absentmindedly. “Wait, rooms? Like, you mean who’s rooming with who?”
“Yeah, I finished the registration.” He stares directly at you and then Taehyung. “You could switch if you wanted to, it doesn’t really matter.”
You give him a light glare, already having a brief idea of what he’s done, but don’t comment any further. With a sense of deja vu, you speak up again. “What about the motel?”
“I wasn’t sure if we’re going to be passing by one today, so I thought hey! Better safe than sorry.”
Everyone nods in half-agreement until Jin speaks up again. “Plus, you guys reek. You should shower. Couldn’t be me.”
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Predictably, Jin did set you and Taehyung up. You can’t tell what kind of game he and Jungkook are playing, however, the poor boy isn’t half as insufferable in your eyes ever since this road trip began, so maybe you should thank them. Still, you don’t trust them—their minds are as twisted as yours.
As the two of you are dragging your luggage towards your shared room, Taehyung reminds you that you’re free to tell him if you don’t want to sleep with him. “I could go to Jungkook’s room or something.”
You find the idea of being alone more unfavorable than you thought you would. Perhaps your high-school, drastically more histrionic, self would’ve found anything more pleasant than sharing a room with Taehyung. You’re a (slightly) changed person now, though. Or at least you’d like to believe you are.
“Let’s put it like this. I hate a lot of things.”
“You don’t need to tell me that, I already know,” he interrupts with a crude giggle.
“But you’re not one of them,” you admit.
There’s also the fact that the two of you are blatantly ignoring that you could switch with Jin and sleep with Hoseok instead.
No more words are spoken between the two of you that day. New Mexico isn’t half as bad as Oklahoma was.
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You wake up before Taehyung does, punctually so. Rolling out of bed, you partly don’t care whether you wake him but at the same time, you try to avoid making too much noise before slipping into the bathroom. Though you’re definitely one to value your beauty sleep, yesterday’s incident left you paranoid over whether Jungkook or Jin would catch you unprepared.
You go through your routine calmly and by the time Taehyung goes in the bathroom to take a piss, you’re ready to start doing your make-up. You stare at the foundation in your hand but before you can apply it, you hesitate.
Do I need make-up to be desirable?
Of course, you’re aware that not all women who use make-up are insecure, or that it’s always necessarily toxic for your self-esteem. And you thought that was the case with you as well, but your doubts suggest otherwise. Swiftly, you put all of your stuff away, stick with your trusty lipstick and nothing else.
“Morning,” he says, groggy still.
“Morning.” You look over to him from the corner of your eye and he looks kind of dazed. “Jin says we’re staying here until tomorrow morning.”
“Cool. Hotel’s nice. The scenery too.”
“I guess.”
There’s something cripplingly awkward when the two of you aren’t hurling insults at each other, you realize.
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You’re off somewhere with Hoseok and Jin when Taehyung is hanging out with Jimin and Jungkook. Turns out their room has a nice balcony, and with the others out of the picture, there’s some kind of buzzed chatter about incoherent topics swirling around.
Jungkook suddenly decides that it’s a good idea to start talking about his sexcapades. Maybe it’s the alcohol or maybe his mind’s slipping. Jimin kind of wants to admit how much he doesn’t care what his friend does outside of watching anime and playing video games, but there’s also a part of him that’s morbidly intrigued by Jungkook’s words. Like a dark spell or something.
“I wanted to hit it off with [Y/n] in high school,” he admits bluntly.
The other two stare at him.
“Oh really? What made you change your mind?” Jimin asks, now more awake than ever.
“Dunno. Like, she’s more like, the bitchy rival in rom-coms, not the protagonist. I liked her, but I didn’t think I could handle her,” he admits.
“Once we were clubbing and this guy was messing with me and I complained to her about it,” Jimin begins, leaning into his chair with a fond smile on his face, “and she was all like, I’ll show him. And I was like, what? And she was like, I’ll show him who he’s dealing with. And then I was like, okay, maybe don’t show him that much.”
The three of them chuckle. Taehyung talks for the first time in a while. “Nah, I agree.”
“You dig it though, right?”
Jimin gives him a knowing look right after Jungkook shoots his question with a drunken smile. He guesses that since Hoseok isn’t here, he can finally admit it.
“Yeah. Yeah, I do. But I can’t get things right with her.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s like, we’re either fighting or it’s really awkward.”
“You’re on your own.” Jimin dismisses him with a wave of his hand. “I don’t think she hates you that much. It’s always Taehyung this, Taehyung that.”
“True,” Jungkook agrees. “Like yes, maybe she’s complaining about you half the time and I know she loves gossiping but I’ve never heard her talk about someone else that much. Except maybe Yoongi. What I’m sayin’ is, you should give it a shot.”
“Why do you guys even fight so much?” Jimin laughs. “Whenever it happens, I like, forget what even happened to lead up to that.”
“Well, you know me. I’m always too honest for my own good and when I hit her with some snark she starts getting all defensive. I just...” He sounds defeated by the time he’s finished with his explanation. Taehyung’s shoulders visibly slump and his frame slides down the uncomfortable chair. “I just want to get along with her.”
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The fourth day is the first time you actually aren’t sure where you are. Save for supposedly being close to Nevada by now, you tuned out the rest of Jin’s explanation despite your previous attempts at keeping up with your location.
Regardless, what’s important is living in the present. And the present for you right now is walking down a nameless street, in a mess of other tourists, with your pants uncomfortably sticking to your ass with sweat. In short, you feel gross.
Taehyung doesn’t seem to be having the same problem, while you can’t even fake being unfazed. You envy him just the tiniest bit.
A trashy souvenir shop seems to catch Taehyung’s attention. In the scorching heat and sand-yellow scenery of this town, however, even that seems more appealing. So when he urges you to go with him, you find yourself reluctantly agreeing.
When you step in, the air conditioning of the otherwise homey shop welcomes you like taking a breather during an overcrowded party. You let an unconscious smile take over your face when you greet the cashier. She’s cute and her adorableness factor only spikes up when she practically beams at the sight of customers.
“Hi! Please, feel free to look around.”
“We will,” Taehyung answers offhandedly. Her gaze lingers on him.
Most of the things don’t interest you. Actually, they’re hideous if you had to be completely honest. He doesn’t seem that enamored by them either, but you can tell he finds more redeeming qualities about them than you do.
Your eyes almost bulge out of your face when you see the most live-laugh-love-esque decoration to exist. Like something your mom would laugh-react to on Facebook.
The offender is no more than three inches tall and wide, a ceramic plate with a cartoony burger portrayed on it. It’s holding a flag that says two simple words: “Nice Buns!”
You can’t tell if it’s the radioactivity of Jungkook’s cooking from earlier or if this thing is what’s making you nauseous. However, food-poisoning or not, you’re quite disgusted by what you’ve just seen. “Oh my god, the caucasity.”
“Aw, you don’t like it?” Taehyung says with a mocking pout. “I think it’s cute.”
“What’s wrong with you? It’s corny.”
“No, it isn’t. It might’ve been if it was a corn-dog, though.”
You heaved an over-dramatic sigh. “You’re saying words that have no positive impact on my life.”
“I think I’ll buy it,” he declares, before checking the price and realizing he hasn’t brought enough money with himself.
You shake your head. “I’m not gonna be an accomplice to… that.”
“Well, of course not. This is your Valentine’s present.”
“Go to hell. As if I’d be your Valentine in the first place,” you reply sardonically before pushing him out of the way.
Taehyung realizes something at that moment. Even outside your evident disinterest in him and his affairs, the two of you are completely incompatible. You, too quick to judge and be offended and him, too quickly to say the first thing on his mind, obviously don’t mesh smoothly.
Neither of the boyfriends you’ve had that he’s spoken to is anything like him, either. If Namjoon and Yoongi have one thing in common, it’s that they’re both calm, collected and have a good head screwed securely on top of their shoulders. He’s not like that.
Even so, that revelation only makes the concept of being with you more alluring.
Kim Taehyung is an idiot. But more importantly, with one glance towards the admittedly good-looking cashier making googly eyes at him, Kim Taehyung makes a decision.
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While you’re taking a shit in a nearby cafeteria, you receive a text from Taehyung. This is shocking by itself since despite the two of you having each others’ numbers, you never really text.
[15:30] pain in the neck: im going on a date w/ the cashier
[15:30] pain in the neck: feel free to leave
[15:45] Princess Complex: i’m just gonna hang with jungkook thank god
Why is your stomach sinking?
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Once you meet up with Jungkook, you explain the situation briefly. He quickly looks you over, confusion evident on his face. “What? On a date?”
“Yeah, he just kinda left me in the toilet,” you confirm with a shrug. “Anyways, where do you wanna go?”
It’s not like Jungkook is an oblivious idiot with the emotional capacity of your aunt’s mutated sixth toe, even if he may appear to be. But you never thought he’d call you out the moment your overly confident facade starts slipping. His gaze softens. “Are you sure you’re okay with that?”
He isn’t examining you when he asks. No, he appears to be looking off, somewhere behind you. However, you remain ignorant to that fact.
“Yes! Why would I care? I’d rather drink toilet water for ten years straight than spend any more time with that moron,” you snap, too worked up for someone who supposedly doesn’t care.
“Is that how you really feel about Taehyung?”
“Yes! Yes, oh my god, let it go.”
Jungkook makes one more helpless expression, shrugs lightly, and you fail to realize that neither of those gestures is directed at you. “Let’s go to the arcade.”
“I’m not really into video games,” you lie as you run your hand through your hair, “but fine.”
“Hell yeah.”
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When Taehyung goes back to your room in the trashy motel, notably late during the night for a mere first date, the atmosphere is tense. There’s a crease in your brows when you unlock the door and obvious bite marks over your bare lips. He stumbles ahead to enter, but you continue blocking his path with your arms frigidly crossed over your chest.
“You’re late.”
“And what’s it to you?” He’s never spoken to you so harshly. There are moments where his words bite, but never does he say them with an expression and tone that are so frosty.
“Nothing in particular.” You move out of his way, finally, and he enters. You briefly wonder if he’s had alcohol before you start talking again. “I’ve been stuck in this room for like, an hour because the keys are in me. Waiting for you...”
“Poor you.”
“Excuse me?”
“I heard what you said about me to Jungkook. You know, I’m starting to understand why you scared away all your exes.”
Warth washes over you in waves for a millisecond before it disperses into nothingness, a cold numbness that makes your back shiver. Your gaze on him is empty yet livid at the same time and he cowers under it. You’re not sure if the guilt on his face is a flicker of your imagination or if it’s genuine, but you hope it’s the latter.
It’s never his words that are a big deal to you. It’s the way he speaks every syllable, so earnestly with truth laced in every letter, that makes you go off the hook. Because deep down, you’re aware that he doesn’t mean to be malicious or to offend, it’s merely him telling his truth.
You grab a few things impulsively with a mundane declaration, before storming off god knows where. “I’m not sleeping here tonight.”
When the door clicks behind your frame, Taehyung backs down and sprawls out across the bed. Truthfully, he regretted his words before he even opened his mouth. But he was so angry, be it with you or with himself.
It just seemed so unfair that you could blow him away time after time and yet, on his date the only thing on his mind was you. The mediocre make-out session and him awkwardly leaving out of nowhere didn’t help, either. And then you had to be so perfect, waiting for him instead of locking his ass out like he thought you would.
It isn’t the girl’s fault she’s raised to be as sweet as sugar while you’re more like citrus. He’s always had a knack for lemons, anyway.
The fact that you spent the rest of the day with Jungkook only aggravates him further, the younger’s words repeating in his head. I tried to hit it off with [Y/n] in high school, or whatever it was that he said exactly. All of this is his own fault, anyway—if he hadn’t been so temperamental, you would’ve stayed with him for the rest of the day.
Taehyung stares at the cheap lights hanging on the ceiling until his eyes hurt that night.
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Half-way through your trek to Hoseok’s room, you crumble. A sob escapes your throat and then another one. After these two instances, your tears don’t cease.
At first, Jimin is excited to see you at their door but his smile slips the moment he realizes what a bad state you’re in. You’re practically making whale noises while desperately searching for Hoseok.
“I’ll give you two a moment.” He gives you one final look-over and leaves with a not-so-threatening threat. “Or maybe thirty. You better be smiling and singing Toxic by the time I’m back, [Y/n].”
Hoseok rushes to hug you. “God, girl, what’s wrong?”
“I like Taehyung.”
“Is that it? You’re a strong girl, y’know, I never pictured you crying over some pretty boy.”
“No. I’m crying because I’ve liked him all this fucking time and I tried to run away from him because I’m scared. And he said the most horrible thing to me,” you explain as you bury yourself deeper into his embrace. “That’s why I’m crying.”
“I hope he isn’t allergic to hands, because he’s about to catch them. Actually, I hope he is allergic.” Hoseok isn’t one to ask about details. He lets you get it out of your system, makes a few promises (most often of violence) and then allows you to elaborate if you wish to do so.
You laugh, but it turns into choking considering how much snot you have running down your face by now. “He said that he understands why my exes run away from me. I mean, I— I said something rude about him first, but Jungkook was backing me into a corner and I didn’t know he would even find out about it, I just—”
“Forget about him, forget about Jungkook, everyone. Tonight is for Britney,” Hoseok commands more than he asks you.
You smile sadly at him before uselessly wiping your tears away and giggling like you’re on the brink of losing your mind. Perhaps you are.
“My 45-carat booger. Hey, let’s make Jimin do the chicken dance,” Hoseok starts off like he’s coddling you in his strange way of doing so, but then quickly turns diabolical. He throws some tissues at you and you accept them. If there’s one thing you’re truly grateful for, it’d be your best friend.
You nod, suddenly more excited than you should be. Hoseok’s right—you don’t need some pretty boy when queen Britney is watching over you.
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The next day, you’re wearing a full-face of make-up, and Taehyung notices it. Hoseok’s driving and you’re in the passenger seat, talking about some nonsense as usually do. The atmosphere is light, with Jimin and Jungkook occasionally joining in your conversation and Jin sleeping with his forehead pressed against the window.
Truth to be told, Taehyung feels like a zombie right now. Pretending that your scuffle with him meant nothing to you only convinces him further how little you care about anything that has to do with him.
“I think we’ll be in Las Vegas soon,” Hoseok announces cheerily.
On one hand, you’re happy to finally be seeing the end of this road trip. Though you’ve technically just been relaxing, you wanted to be done with your cousin’s dumb wedding and go back to spending an average amount of time with your friends. You want to forget how flippant things are between you and Taehyung, your quote-unquote friendship dictated by mood swings rather than actual feelings.
“Fuck yeah! I wanna get drunk in Vegas,” you say with a smirk. “It’s on my bucket list.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“You want to get drunk everywhere,” Jungkook corrects with a laugh. You can’t help agreeing with him. “And Jin will probably stay in the hotel and play Candy Crush or something.”
“Ew, ew, ew, a fucking millenial,” you exclaim in mock disgust.
“Jin can be a beast if he wants to. Remember when he twerked in front of the whole school on Taehyung’s birthday party?”
“Shit was wild, man.”
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No one except you, Hoseok and Taehyung himself is aware of what transpired yesterday. So Jungkook and Jin are still stubbornly placing the two of you together, yet you’re too powerless to fight it.
The hotel is a fancy one, courtesy of your annoying cousin. She’s been texting you and you sent a short message back to inform her you’ve arrived, but you haven't bothered to deal with her provocations any further.
After dumping his luggage near his bed, Taehyung was straight out of the room and you started getting ready. And that was that.
You feel more like yourself when you find the wine hidden in the fridge, a free present from the hotel. Or maybe your cousin’s way of making peace. Ha, as if that’d happen.
When Taehyung comes back to get dressed, you’re already tipsy and acting like a fool.
“Drinking already?” There are many things that Taehyung wants to say to you. An apology he’s too sober to say and a confession you’re too drunk to hear, to begin with.
“It’s pre-game,” you explain dizzily. “You know. I never told you why I hate my cousin so much. She used to bully me and she stole my first boyfriend from me. And we never got past it.”
With your trademark look, high-heels, acrylics, a fancy yet revealing dress along with whatever else you consider fashionable at the moment, Taehyung feels familiarity staring at your lopsided smirk. Though he’s gotten glimpses of other sides of you during these past few days, like how you like cuddling during the night, this is the epitome of who you are.
“Yeah,” he replies agreeably, though you’re not sure what for.
“Well, I don’t know about you, but Hoseok is waiting for me. So, this is bye-bye.”
“See you there.”
“Probably not.” You snicker. Taehyung can tell that you���re still upset with him.
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You’re so wasted that the things happening around you aren’t really making sense anymore. While you and Hoseok were drinking together for a while, at one point Jungkook whisked him away, then there’s a blank in your memory and now you’re here. Alone. And you’ve lost count of how many drinks you’ve had.
A man, that’s definitely a few years older than you, finally approaches you after observing you from afar. He says some sort of sleazy line—you’re not sure what it is, you’re not really listening—and offers you a drink.
You consider him. He’s not your type at all and that pornstache isn’t helping his case but, when you look at Taehyung and see him talking and having fun while you’re being an alcoholic by your lonesome and moping about him, you quickly accept his offer. Pornstache or not.
“Pick anything you’d like, kitten,” he purrs, in an attempt at being seductive.
“Well first off I’m not a furry so don’t call me that,” you snap with a self-assured grin. And then you start listing off the most expensive drinks on the menu.
This man is so enamored by you that he buys you all of them. You’re three steps closer to alcohol poisoning when you clumsily stumble onto the dance floor along with him, running your hand over his jaw in what you believe to be a sensual manner. He seems to dig it, but from an outsider’s perspective the two of you look like junkies trying to get off.
Your experience in the club is romanticized. The dim lights are reminiscent to those few times you’ve gone to a rave and it reeks of alcohol, overpriced perfumes and sweat. You and your nameless pathetic fan mingle with the grinding crowd and begin imitating them.
As the poet Lady Gaga once said, “redlight pornographic dance fight”.
The act itself is indifferent to you. From across the room, Taehyung locks eyes with you and you’re not really sure why but you feel this sudden need to provoke him, even when you know he most likely wouldn’t care. You sloppily kiss your suitor’s cheek while looking at him intensely from across the room. A red trail from your wet lips makes its way down his face.
For the sake of pettiness, you might’ve gone further—I mean, you were already playing some weird game of tug-and-war but with clothes—but you don’t want to know the feeling of this guy’s lips against yours. He finds the mostly innocent action as an invitation, though, and abruptly halts your staring contest with Taehyung by forcing you into a greedy kiss.
Pushing him away, you give him a pointed stare and rejection is clear on his face. “Excuse me…”
He’s a terrible kisser.
Pushing through everyone that’s in your way, you make your escape through the first door you find. In your intoxicated parade, you fail to make sense of the words ‘CLOSED’ that are so blatantly taped over the entrance. So, you find yourself in front of a swimming pool.
The cold breeze outside prickles at your skin unpleasantly, and a quick look around tells you that there’s no one around to put this in their cringe compilation. Apparently more disgusted than you’d initially thought, you puke your guts out in front of the pool. Now light-headed and somehow empty, you stare at your vomit and take a deep breath.
“Hey, why’d you run away?” Your suitor from earlier appears to have followed you outside. You stare at your feet—doesn’t he understand that you wanted to get away from him?
“You’re a bad kisser,” you say bluntly after getting over your little trance.
“Give me a chance to change your mind then,” he offers smugly, taking menacing steps towards you. You move away instinctively before you’re quickly backed into a wall, with his two hands trapping you in between.
Your eyes widen with fear and you sink into yourself. If you had anything else to puke out, you’re sure you would’ve done so at this point. “I have sharp nails and I’m not afraid to use them.”
“Oh, she bites-”
The events that play out next happen so slowly, you’re not sure why you’re surprised. Taehyung appears, and you do see him in your peripheral vision, stares for a bit before knocking the guy out with a punch to his temple. He falls unconscious on the ground.
“Oh god, did I kill him?” he asks, a vacant look on his face. He imagined his first kill to be more thrilling, but on second thought, he’s not sure why he was thinking about that without being under the influence of substances in the first place.
“I’d be happy if he’s dead, if that helps,” you comment dryly.
“Do we dump the body in the pool or what?”
The two of you are drunk enough to consider it. Your mind is blank for a bit, before you finally speak up. “I’m trying to think of what I saw on How To Get Away With Murder, but it’s not coming to me. But like, on Blacklisted, there was this guy who like, made the corpses turn to gas or something!”
“You watch too much TV. Also, I’m pretty sure it’s called The Blacklist.”
“Whatever. Do you know how to do that?”
“No.”
“Hey, what’s going on here?” A new voice cuts in.
“You better come up with something convincing or we’ll have to kill him too,” you urge.
“Did you say something?”
“No.”
“Umm, awkward believe it yeah,” Taehyung begins, a strong start. “This guy slipped on her puke and hit his head. And he has a concussion now.”
“Man, that sucks,” the guy says. You’re relieved that he’s as trashed as he is, otherwise the situation would’ve went really badly, considering how Taehyung straight-up lied to his face. “I’ll go call someone over ‘ere.”
Once he’s out of sight, the two of you stare at each other and decide to flee the country. But then change the plan with the more economically-efficient idea to simply leave the club.
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“Why were you with that guy anyway?” Taehyung asks. Frankly put, neither of you know where you’re going, but you’re boldly leading him through the artificially-lit streets of Las Vegas as if you’re born there. Where you end up is a concern your sober selves of tomorrow should worry about.
“I wanted to make you jealous,” you reply, bold, like everything you do when you’re drunk is.
“...I don’t get it.”
“You pissed me off so much yesterday. And you made me jealous when you went out with that cashier. But also, you killed a guy for me, so I guess I’m not mad at you anymore.”
“Well aren’t you high-maintenance,” he retorts sarcastically, gaining what feels like a confidence spurt because of your sudden confession. “You don’t have anything to be jealous of, anyway. The only thing I had on my mind during that stupid fucking date was you.”
You freeze up. You thought that your own attitude was what made any possibility of him returning your feelings seem laughable. Even if it’s drunk blabber, alcohol is an honesty elixir, at least in your case. “Kiss me?”
He doesn’t need to be told twice, attacking your lips so eagerly you’d consider it funny if you were in a right state of mind. Still, your reciprocation is just as hungry, so maybe you don’t have any room to laugh. He is indulging you, after all.
The wipeout that happened at the club happens again and you’re left to wonder how things escalated. From teeth clashing against each other in pure excitement, you’re left hovering over Taehyung’s form and straddling him unsteadily.
He reaches under your already high dress and the glimpse of your panties seems to excite him. “You have no idea how much I’ve thought about this,” he admits breezily.
You smile, a teasing one, adjusting yourself better. “You don’t need to be so dramatic about it, it’s just underwear.”
“Dramatic is how many times I’ve jerked off after we went to the supermarket and you flashed me.”
“Ewwww, we shared a bed like three times, freak,” you scold and he pouts when you distance yourself from him.
“I was just trying to be funny!”
“Not funny. Didn’t laugh. It’s better when you don’t talk,” you instruct before leaning down again to kiss him. At least he’s having fun with groping whatever he can get his hands on.
“You’re so annoying it turns me on. Always whining, it drives me nuts how much I really like you.”
You snicker. “Well, I sure am feelin’ the love here.”
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When you wake up, you register three things. Four, actually. First—your left shoe is missing. Second— Taehyung is knocked out cold next to you. Third—you don’t know where you are, except for the fact that there’s a garbage bin next to you. Fourth—your head is throbbing with pain and you’re so sore you’re not sure if you can walk. Needless to say, you had the wild night in Vegas you wished for in your bucket list, and you only half-regret it.
You see your shoe discarded near you and nudge it with your toe for a bit before finally gathering enough power to sit up and put it on. Or so you think, because the moment you’re propped in a standing position, you vomit like you did yesterday.
Speaking of yesterday, the only thing you remember is that you and Taehyung were convinced that he’s now a murderer on the run, confessing your feelings for each other in an anti-climactic manner and then having like seven rounds of public sex.
With a recap of yesterday’s events, you digress and put your shoe on before reaching in your purse. Surprisingly, you haven’t been robbed. Fishing your phone out, you come to the conclusion that you’ve been knocked out cold for way too long.
Hoseok has generously spammed you with seventy texts, but you don’t bother to read them, already assuming that the gist is something about where the fuck you and Taehyung are. Instead, you call him immediately.
“Hi,” you greet casually.
“[Y/n]! Where the fuck are you and Tae? We were so worried. Jin almost declared you two missing. But on the positive side, Jungkook didn’t care because he got food poisoning yesterday at the club.”
“I don’t know where we are, but he’s with me.”
“What do you mean?!”
“I’ll send you my location. I don’t have money for Uber, love you, kisses and hickeys,” you say in one breathe before hanging up quickly and doing what you said you’d do.
At first, you thought this road trip was an opportunity for you to grow and mature. However, after yesterday’s shenanigans, you’re almost convinced your sociopathic tendencies are now higher by 5%.
You start shaking Taehyung until he wakes up and swats your arms away. Now upon closer inspection, while you’re aware that you look bad right now, he’s not looking too hot either. The lipstick marks you had left on his face make it look like you’ve either slobbered all over him or that he’s a vampire, you’re not sure. And you’ve bitten him so much somebody could think he got attacked by a racoon judging solely on those bruises.
You quickly explain the situation to him as you’re fixing up your bra and top. Considering the fact that you were bordering on nip-slip territory, that was your priority. Smoothing your dress is easy enough, but your pantyhose is mysteriously ripped in some incriminating places.
He reaches out, rips out the fake eyelash that was pathetically hanging off the corner of your eye and throws it away. You take care of the other one, wipe off your ruined make-up and then wipe off the lipstick on his face.
Your head hurts so much that you don’t know what to say to break the silence. Though you also don’t doubt that he’s in the position, and so, for the first time it doesn’t feel awkward between the two of you.
“Hey, [Y/n], are we like… dating now?”
“I think so? You can be my date to the wedding if you want.”
A dopey smile takes over his face. You realize you’ve made someone this happy before with merely being yourself. It fills you with a kind of warmth you’ve never felt before.
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“Your cousin won’t stop calling you,” Taehyung emphasizes as you’re pointedly ignoring your ringtone while you get ready. Considering the atrocious state both of you came back in, the process taking longer than usual shouldn’t be a surprise. Especially since you had to take turns for the shower.
Also the part where the two of you got into a fight over who should go in first—your thesis being arguably stronger once you mentioned the mud ingrained in the left sole of your feet—only slowed you down further.
“I know right? Can’t this pregnant moron get a life.”
“No, I think she’s calling you because we’re late to the wedding,” he elaborates. “You should pick up.”
“But I hate her!”
“You can roast her at the wedding and I’ll hype you up if you do what I ask.”
“Oh my god, promise?”
“Promise.”
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“Look who finally showed up,” your cousin greets you with a tight smile. You can only return the sentiment as Taehyung dumbly trails behind you.
Well, as much as you don’t like your cousin, the wedding is certainly nice. With a light atmosphere and a fancy ceremony, he can’t pretend he hates it—that much is certain. Though he can also tell that it’s a lot of money wasted on food that doesn’t look appetizing in the slightest the more he examines the buffet.
“I see you’re not wearing the dress I shipped to you. Is it too tight, perhaps?” She’s smiling fakely and sweetly as she waits for your answer to her provocation. Of course it’s too tight; what else could it be when she picked it two sizes smaller than what you usually wear. And she did it on purpose too.
Despite the rather mundane conversation happening, the tension is thick.
“I’m going to be quick. You look like a greasy manatee.” You give her your own uptight smile before strutting away, cueing Taehyung to follow after you.
“Pregnancy-shameeeeed,” he yells out as he offers her finger guns and speed-walks in your direction.
Once he’s caught up with you, he speaks up again. “I know you could’ve been more brutal than that.”
“Oh please, I’m sophisticated, I’d never engage in some barbaric behavior.”
You both burst out laughing at your blatant lie.
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“Do you think they’re dating now?” Jin asks, looking at the two of you as you dance and joke around. Though he imagines that you could only be having a deranged conversation, one that isn’t as sweet and lovey-dovey as it might look from an outsider’s perspective, it’s still quite disgusting how smitten Taehyung looks with you.
“I don’t care,” Jungkook answers. Him saying he doesn’t care is a metaphor for how much he doesn’t care about anything after his food poisoning.
Jimin rolls his eyes. “Oh definitely. I saw them making out near a garbage dumpster when we were driving back to the hotel.”
Seokjin chokes.
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