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literaryspinster · 11 months

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What actually happened between Dick and Kory

Since folks (especially on Twitter) still want to act confused and appear to be watching entirely via the timeline. This isn’t covering all of it and of course there were plenty of unrelated subplots on this show, but as far as Dick and Kory’s relationship goes, this feels like a pretty accurate rundown to me.

Season 1 Rachel Roth wants Dick Grayson to help her because she’s frightened by her powers and the sinister people who are interested in them. Dick does not think he can handle it so he tries to leave her in the care of his old friends Hank and Dawn, Dawn being an ex-girlfriend who may still have unresolved and unrequited feelings for him. Rachel ends up getting kidnapped by the small bad of the season and Kory Anders, who does not remember anything about her past, rescues her.

Dick tries to get Rachel back but is now forced to bring Kory along because Kory and Rachel have bonded and Kory will not leave her side. Rachel runs off after her powers blow up a building and Dick and Kory go after her, bicker for a while, and end up softening toward each other when Dick realizes that this lady is pretty cool and wise and caring actually.

Once they get Rachel back and decide to bring her new friend Gar along as well, they are able to stop at a motel and take a breath, where they end up having casual sex that may be a little more than casual but more on that later. Rachel and Gar run away again to go after Rachel’s newly discovered mom who is being held prisoner, Kory and Dick go after them and end up getting captured and tortured for the effort. After getting free, Dick finds some goons experimenting on Kory and beats the shit out of them even though he’s been drugged and can barely stand. They sleep together again, but Dick is still struggling with a lot so he decides they should go their separate ways. Kory understands, they promise to try again once they figure themselves out. He goes after Kory again once he realizes that she might hurt Rachel (which he understands is through no fault of her own) but ends up getting whammied by the big bad who traps him in a delusion, making him think he’s married to Dawn (who has been completely absent for the last five episodes). The delusion climaxes when he believes Kory has died by his father’s hand and ends up killing him to avenge her, not his “wife,” but Kory, whom he has known for a few days at this point.

Season 2 With the big bad vanquished, Dick asks Kory to come along with him on the road, but with her memories restored and her situation complicated by that, she declines (that’s right, she says no to him, not the other way around), he decides to dedicate his time to helping his young charges learn how to fight while Kory has started a crime fighting duo with Dick’s friend Donna Troy (whom just the previous season the fandom was angry about because they thought there might be a romantic thing between her and Dick). Slade, a villain from Dick’s past resurfaces and Donna, Hank and Dawn reunite with Dick to solve the issue. But all three of them do nothing but criticize and admonish Dick for the situation. Meanwhile, Kory reconnects with an ex boyfriend from her homeworld, Faddei, flirts with him and considers going back with him to fulfill her duties. Before she can leave though, Rachel calls, opening up to her about how difficult things have been without her, even though there is a house full of adults she could theoretically talk to.

Kory decides to go help Rachel, reuniting with Dick in the process. After one conversation with Dick she realizes he plans to sacrifice himself to the big bad to free one of his charges, Jason, and protect the others. She intervenes, saving his life and buying enough time for Jason to be saved by the newly arrived Superboy, who ends up getting shot and put into a coma in the process. Dick has a breakdown and goes after the villain while Kory is able to save Superboy with her powers. When Dick returns, he tells his team a dark secret about his past with Slade that causes everyone to turn on him except for Kory and Gar. Kory is contacted by her ex again and can not stay with Dick although she makes it clear that she does not judge him. Faddei is killed and her one way home is destroyed by her sister Kom, causing Kory to spiral and hook up with the first man she sees, luckily he’s pretty nice and does not take advantage of her. Meanwhile Dick, at his lowest point, gets himself arrested. Kory and Rachel reunite and Rachel, troubled by a dream of him dying, pleads with the adults to help him. No one agrees except for Kory, but when they go to break him out he is already gone. They reunite again later, stop the threat and start a new superhero team.

Season 3 The Team now consists of Gar, Superboy, Dick and Kory. Rachel is finding herself in Themyscira, Donna is temporarily dead, and Hank and Dawn are back to living their own lives. Dick and Kory are not together, seemingly because Kory has still not resolved the issue of whether she belongs on Earth or on her homeworld, but they seem to be working well together as friends and teammates. Kory is contacted by the guy she hooked up with during her breakdown and she starts to open up to him about some sleepwalking episodes she’s been having, as he is a licensed therapist.

Meanwhile, Dick is dealing with the recent death of Jason, whom he almost lost in the previous season. He goes home for the funeral and reunites with his father and his ex girlfriend Barbara. Jason comes back to life and starts wreaking havoc so Dick calls on his team, past and present, to help with the situation. Sadly, Hank dies at the hands of Jason, causing Dick to begin spiraling yet again. Frustrated and grieving poorly, Dick consistently butts heads with Barbara, who is now the police commissioner, until Kory firmly tells him to fix the situation. Following her advice, he learns to work with Barbara to solve the problem, and after a big win, he and Barbara get caught up in the moment and share a kiss in secret. Why it’s in secret is not clear as Dick is single at this point and can kiss whoever he wants

Meanwhile, Kom who fucked her over the previous season, has come back. Being the only family she has left, Kory takes mercy on her but does not trust her until she proves herself to the team. Dick, still spiraling and needing to solve the issue without risking the lives of anyone else, ends up dead. Rachel who has returned from Themyscira, teams up with Gar to resurrect him with the Lazarus pit. While in the pit, Dick has a vision of a little girl who looks exactly like Kory and calls him daddy. Once the vision ends, Dick has tears in his eyes and a smile on his face, but cannot dwell on it for too long as everything is still mired in chaos.

Once the threat is dealt with, Kom returns home to take on Kory’s responsibilities, solving the issue of whether or not she can remain on Earth. Dick officially breaks up with Barbara (although it can be argued that their reunion wasn't significant enough to even require a break up) and purchases an RV to take Kory, Gar, Rachel, Superboy and their new friend Tim home, as opposed to traveling via plane. It’s strongly implied that he does this for the purpose of spending more time with Kory, whom he now realizes he has a future with.

Season 4 While on the road Dick and Kory are now able to spend more time together, as their biggest personal crises have finally been dealt with. They take on the role of co-leaders of the team, flirt and touch almost constantly. Unfortunately, a new threat wipes out Rachel’s powers, forcing Dick to find another magic user to help them. While she and Dick have a sexual history, Kory is unbothered by this, and Dick seems to barely tolerate her until she proves to be very helpful to the team and a good friend to them. She also appears to highly approve of Dick’s relationship with Kory and seems to have a thing for Superboy.

Sometime during the chaos, Kory has a similar vision of the baby she will one day have with Dick, she confronts him about why he didn’t tell her, he responds that he doesn’t know, and they put it aside to continue with the mission. Sadly, Dick’s former fling and the Titans' current ally is killed in a pivotal battle. After the battle, Dick, Kory and Rachel must stop the problem from escalating. In the process, they end up in a town where everyone is brainwashed into allegiance to Trigon the main threat from s1. In an attempt to keep them from succumbing to the same fate, Dick suggests they record some painful memories to bring them back to themselves should they get lost. Unfortunately, Kory falls to brainwashing and believes that she is somebody else. Devastated by this, Dick goes on a rampage, taking down the goons who were partially responsible for doing this to her, he brings brainwashed Kory along after sincerely telling her that he would never leave her.

While waiting in the car, Kory picks up Dick’s recorder and listens to it, realizing that one of Dick’s most painful memories is the fact that he could not tell Kory how he felt about her after they had sex in the first season. Hearing him say this causes her to get her memories back

Still determined to stop the threat, Kory considers a prophecy that predicts that she has the power to end it, but will die in the process. Dick refuses to entertain this and gets in the way every time she tries to sacrifice herself for the mission. Once they reach the end of their rope, Kory is able to fulfill the terms of the prophecy, leaving Dick visibly broken as he watches her explode in the sky. Fortunately, she is not dead, she floats down and they share a kiss.

The series ends with the two of them deciding to start a life together and Dick heavily implying that he would very much like to have that baby with Kory.

And yeah, that’s pretty much exactly what happened between Dick and Kory on this show. There was never any jealousy, cheating, love triangles or anything of the sort. They did good.

#dickkory #dick grayson #kory anders #titans

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ikamigami · 1 year

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Chapter 4 is here!

Title: Dark clouds

Rating: M (heavy topics and very mild language)

Characters for chapter 4: Sun, Lunar (Moon and Eclipse only mentioned; some mention of other animatronics)

TW for chapter 4: self-harm, self-harm aftermath, suicide attempt aftermath, intrusive thoughts, self-depreciation, self-hatred, self-disgust, graphic depiction of gore, dreams related to suicide (I hope I didn't overlooked anything)

Feel free to point any language mistakes or lack of sense in sentences (cause English isn't my native language. I only wrote it in English because I wanted to share this with as many fans I could). Positive criticism is welcomed. Please don't be rude. And don't come at me for how I depicted characters because this is my interpratation of them.

Chapter 3 Chapter 4.5

Chapter 4 - Denial

Sun was working only for an hour but he already started feeling first signs of weariness. As always taking care of kids was very demanding. He felt like he was barely keeping up. But neither Lunar nor kids didn't notice anything. Or even if they did, they did nothing about it. He tried his best to not slack at work. But it was really hard to do with the constant waves of pain surging from his neck throughout his whole body. He tried not to flinch at every jolt of pain. And he also tried not to hiss and swear with every major movement he had to do. He attempted to hold his head straight but with no avail. It was simply impossible to do when you must pay attention to what every kid is doing in the Daycare. Yet, somehow he managed to do everything without raising any suspicions towards himself. The day barely started and Sun didn't know what to do about the pain. It was on entirely new level compared to what he usually dealt with. He couldn't just simply start working mindlessly like he always did. Turning off thinking didn't seem to help in this case. Usually engaging in kids activities didn't require from him any deeper thinking or anything like that. Most of the time when he was feeling pain he still was able to work even if on almost automatic mode. He wasn't even afraid that he wouldn't notice that some kid might be in danger then because he developed some kind of six sense when it comes to this type of things. It was probably from years of experience with working with kids or maybe it was like that just due to his programming. In other words he didn't need to think when he was working at the Daycare. And most of the time playing with kids made Sun feel better. It filled his heart (even if he doesn't technically has one) with joy which let him forget about any problems he had to deal with outside of work. Except that one time when you screwed everything up royally.

The images of July 16th massacre from his nightmare... No. The images of July 16th massacre he did... resurfaced in his mind briefly at the reminder. Sun froze in place for a moment. But he quickly regained himself. He tried his best not to focus on those painful memories. But they still kept resurfacing. The harder he tried to push them back, the more they intruded his mind. He tried his best not to whine or flinch every time the blood and gore from that day flashed before his eyes. He felt like he was barely holding his "gastric" contents intact. He tried really hard not to gagg from all those nauseating memories. Calm down... Calm down... He tried to ease his nerves even just a little. Unfortunately it didn't work. Everything began to blurr. The screams of joy coming from kids were intermixing with the screams of terror from the nightm- from his memories. Sun wasn't sure anymore if any of the kids got hurt or if it was only just his imagination. His senses were tricking him. To make sure that he didn't miss anything bad happening at the Daycare (and that he didn't act suspicious), he tried to maintain focus on every detail. But the harder he tried to stay focused, the more the pain reared its ugly head. After half a day the pain became so unbearable that it was very hard for him to maintain focus which was what caused the increase of said pain in the first place, ironically. But Sun wasn't laughing. He wanted to curl in himself and cry. It was a miracle that no one noticed that something was going on with him. Ha ha... It's always like that... Better to have it like that than to draw attention to yourself, you disgusting piece of shit. Yeah... right... The mere thought of the possibility of the situation in which he would have to explain himself and tell about what happened last night made his skin crawl and his stomach churn. He wanted to puke so badly. But he somewhat managed not to.

Everything went surprisingly... fine. It was closer to the naptime. Despite Sun having a massive headache and the fact that he couldn't feel his own neck, he didn't draw any attention to himself. He felt almost like his head could fall off at any moment. He wasn't even sure if his head was still holding onto his neck or if it was just barely hanging. But no one had pointed fingers at him with fear or shock which could indicate that something bad was going on. So he could safely assume that everything was fine. Even though he was feeling very far from fine. Than maybe it isn't really that bad, huh? You've never thought about that. Ha! How could I forgot that you're that much stupid and self absorbed to the point that you wouldn't even think about the very highly possible scenerio in which you're just exaggerating! What a pussy! ...yeah... What was I thinking..? Sun looked at his hands in which he was holding something round and squishy..? ..?.. For the brief moment he thought that it was child's head. He gasped soundlessly. I-it i-it it-t... c-ca-ca-ca-c-can'...t-t-t... He found himself unable to breath. Only when he dropped this thing, he realised that it wasn't... child's head... or any head in particular. It was just completely normal and very ordinarily looking rubber ball. The state of shock he was in lasted merely for a split second. But for Sun it felt like whole ages passed before his eyes. The ball rolled under one of the installations. He blinked slowly few times to clear his vision. Only then he noticed that some kid was staring mindlessly at him.

- You missed... - little boy had spoken - ..?.. wha... - Sun couldn't wrap his head around what this kid was talking about. - You missed. - boy repeated - You were supposed to throw it to me. - he added with visible pout on his face. Sun still didn't know what exactly was going on but he decided to get along with whatever this kid told him they were doing.

- Y-yeah..! You're right..! Um... It's just... I didn't want to use my super robotic strength! - he said that while showing of his nonexistent biceps on his right arm. The kid smirked at the statement and said firmly - We all know that you're weaker than a baby! - Wha..?! - W-who said that..?! - Sun was shaken by the brat's words.

- Moon... Jessie, Alan, Lucas... ee... and... and... many other kids... and... em... Even Lunar said that! - the boy was bouncing on his feet when he was saying all of this and when he said Lunar's name, he pointed vigorously in direction where mentioned animatronic stood. Sun was shocked by these words but only just a little because he realised that he was too tired to give a damn about it. He still instinctively wanted to turn his head into pointed direction though. But the sudden spark of pain from his neck reminded him just in time not to do that. Sun pouted at those revelations and then approached the installation where the ball rolled under.

He crouched slowly onto the rubber floor and tried to reach the ball with his right hand, very carefully not to provoke any sudden increase of pain. But with no avail. He began to slowly lose his vision. White dots started dancing in front of his eyes. But he kept going. He didn't want to ask for help because it could draw unnecessary attention towards him. Which could lead to questioning him. And that could lead to asking him about what happened. And then he would have to say about last night's events and he would have to do a lot of explaining etc. etc. And he definitely was better off without all the chaos it would cause. When he was still thinking about possible consequences of him asking for help, he felt sudden jolt of pain coming from his neck. He tried not to do any reaction. But it was impossible. Sun felt like he had a neck spasm. Even though he couldn't technically have it. He let out strangled cry. He couldn't even move. He lie on the rubber floor and began shaking uncontrollably. He was breathing spasmodically and groaning from time to time. The pain wouldn't go away. It only kept growing till it became excruciatingly unbearable. And on top of that he couldn't see anything. The pain completely blinded him.

Sun didn't know how long he was lying there till he felt light touch on his skin on his left hand. He didn't even hear that someone approached him. He was only feeling that light touch. It was moving gently from his hand up to his arm. Then it stopped. He waited for the touch to do something. But nothing happened. Then all of the sudden he felt that something was pulling him. The movement caused him so much pain. It hurt him like hell. He let out a loud shriek. The movement stopped. Sun was breathing heavily like he had run a marathon just a moment ago. He felt like his head was going to explode. Then suddenly something rolled him over. The pounding in his head was replaced by loud ringing. He felt like his body was heating and freezing alternately. The pain became so unbearable he could lose consciousness at any moment. But the sudden touch to his skin on his face made him feel as if someone put an ice bag on it. The chill went down his spine. It dulled the pain a little. He still couldn't see nor hear anything. But it cleared his head for a moment. He barely managed to wheezed out Lunar's name before he lost his consciousness.

Sun was preparing for work. He was almost done. Only some last touches left. He adjusted his clothes one last time and looked at the mirror. The reflection he saw petrified him. He exhaled with a loud hiss. It can't be..? He blinked slowly few times being confused at the sight. Am I dreaming..? He raised his right hand and touched his face. His skin was soft and smooth. He looked at the hand he lifted up. It was human hand. Very skinny with telescopic long fingers but still human nonetheless. He looked at his own reflection in the mirror once again. He saw a round face with protruding cheekbones. His cheeks were bright red. The smile plastered on his face showed his deep dimples which made his cheeks seem even more red. My face looks so stupid with this smile. His slightly crooked teeth made it even worse. He didn't like his smile. He winced a little at that and made an eye contact with his own reflection. What he saw made him twist his face with an aversion. He looked like he had a cataract on his eyes. Plus they were small deep- and wide-set. And almost nonexistent eyebrows didn't help his looks either. Why I have to look so disgusting? It grossed him out. Then he lowered his gaze a bit. He had very bulbous conk with long pointy tip. He shrinked at what he saw. His nose looked like something out of caricature. Then he looked up on top of his head. He had blond disheveled hair with split ends. Some of his strands looked like they were clumped together. Gross... I look terrible! Why I am so ugly?! He tried to regain his focus once again. There were more important things he should think about. He looked at his face once more. It was human face (even if ugly). He lifted up his second hand. That also belonged to human. Which meant that he was human. Sun was human. He made a face at his own reflection. He was tall and skinny which made his face look like it was bigger than in reality. He looked like some kind of abomination taken straight out from comic books. It doesn't matter. I should've start my shift already. He readjusted his lab coat once again and was ready to leave. He gave quick glance at his hideous reflection one last time before he closed the door behind himself.

He got on the elevator. He couldn't focus on anything. He felt like he was about to get sick. His vision became fuzzy. He was so tired. He slowly began to feel more and more sleepy. He didn't even realise when he dozed off. The sudden bump woke him up. He was standing in front of an archive room. He couldn't remember how he found himself there. But he could've sworn that he was in elevator just a moment ago. He shook his head dismissively. Stop thinking about nonsensical things! He reprimanded himself. It doesn't matter! Get back to work! He stretched his arms to set the archival files up on the shelf. He stared at his hands involuntarily, then his gaze shifted to his wrists. And suddenly out of nowhere some really messed up thoughts intruded his mind. My wrists are so thin... and so frail... What if... something sharp would cut through them..? It would be so easy to do that... down to the bone... so easy... How much blood would come out..? So much... so much... so easy... so much... too much... too easy... too much..! too easy..! Suddenly he saw the cut on his left wrist. Drops of blood started to seep through it. Then they became a thin trickle which was broadening out with passing seconds. Same was with the other hand. Sun was blinking rapidly at the bizarre yet terrifying sight. His hands began slightly shaking. He started to take short shallow breaths. He pulled his hands closer to himself but didn't do anything else. He stood frozen in one place. Blood flowed in streams and cuts were opening more and more till bones became visible. Blood was seeping into his clothes and staining them increasingly. Sun was losing blood fast. Everything was happening so quickly. Too quickly. He began to panic. He tried his best to stop the flow, to cover the wounds. But it didn't do much if anything. He was trembling miserably at that point. He broke crying. I can't... I-I can't... I can't s-s-stop it... I-it it-t f-f-flows f-flows t-to f-fast... He slowly began losing consciousness. After few moments he felt very lightheaded and everything around him became so blurry. He slowly sat at the concrete floor and curled in himself. He could feel that his body was slowly losing heat. His vision was narrowing until darkness overcame him completely.

Sun woke up standing in giant dark hall. He couldn't remember what exactly had happened. He probably dozed off for a moment. He was blinking slowly to adjust his vision to small amount of light. The light was seeping through small windows placed at the top of each wall. After awhile he started to see the outlines of some things which were placed across whole hall. It looked like they were standing on some kind of pedestals because they were placed weirdly too high to be standing on their own. Only after few moments later he was able to see that those things were placed on different heights. Too different for it to be considered as some type of method of organising things. The outlines became more clear. They look oddly familiar. When Sun was wondering what those things reminded him of, he realised that they weren't standing on any pedestals. They weren't standing on anything in particular. They were floating in the air. No... They aren't floating... I can see something... something coming from above them... No. He worded it wrongly. They are... hanging... on something... No. Not something. He began to see everything more clearly. They're hanging on the... ropes..?! He felt like the ice-cold shiver ran down his spine. Only then he remembered what those shapes reminded him of. After realisation he began to see everything clearly. Those things were in fact human bodies. Human bodies hanging from above. And there were plenty of them. Dead bodies were hanging across whole hall. Sun began to tremble terrified by what he saw. Then all of a sudden the light became brighter which allowed him to see that there was one empty rope hanging in the middle of the hall. The light shone directly at it. It felt like it was calling him to come closer. Despite the overwhelming fear he was feeling, Sun was never in his whole life been so tempted to do anything as at that moment. He began slowly approaching the lonely rope. As he was reaching closer to it, he started to hear voice which was chanting to his ear things that would make more than one person blood run cold. Why are you still alive? Why do you keep making others suffer? Why don't you end misery of others? Why don't you just kill yourself? How dare you? You're so selfish! How dare you? You don't deserve anything! How dare you? Stop pitying yourself! How dare you?! How dare you?! How dare you?! Only then Sun realised that those bodies which were hanging there belonged to those who he killed. Children, that agent, those guards to name a few. And there were also bodies which belonged to those who he was killing bit by bit by his mere existence. His brothers (Moon and Lunar), Roxanne, Gregory, Monty, Freddy and many many others. They were all there.

He finally reached his destination. The urge to do as the voice said was overwhelmingly unbearable. He didn't have to even grab the rope as it was moving on its own. It slowly wrapped around his neck like a snake ready to squeez the life out of its prey. Despite that he still was slightly afraid of what was about to happen he felt somewhat numb as snake-like rope was squeezing the living daylights out of him. He thought that he was even more afraid of the fact that he finally accepted his fate rather than dying in itself. Then he felt that snake-like rope began slowly pulling him up which sped up the suffocation process. He was dying slowly and painfully as the voice kept chanting his sins and wrong-doings. No one should pity me. No one should care about me. No one should love me. It shouldn't matter. I shouldn't matter. I don't deserve anything. I don't deserve to live. These were the last thoughts he had before he lost consciousness.

Sun woke up puzzled. He didn't remember what had happened. At first he thought that he didn't die and that him being hanged was only just a dream. Looking at ceiling he thought that he still was in the archive room. But with senses coming back to him, he realised that he wasn't human anymore. He was a robot. No. That wasn't even that. He was robot once again. When his senses came back to him fully, he realised that he was wrong all along. He never was human. And he wasn't robot once again. In fact he always has been a robot. He was dreaming. It was just a dream. Or rather nightmare. He didn't die, to his own relief. And in fact he wouldn't die from simply being hanged. Because It's not so easy to kill a robot. It reminded him of last night's events once again though. It doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter. Nothing had happened. Nothing would happen. He tried as hard as he could to ignore the fact that he had this nightmare solely because of what he tried to do to himself last night. But in fact he was really afraid to admit to himself that what he tried to do would have very negative imapct on others which he was fully aware of. And that's what terrified him the most. He tried to do the most selfish thing which would cause suffering to his close ones. So, he really was the worst, huh? He was about to cry but he felt sudden surge of pain. His neck pain began to slowly get back to him. But that wasn't the worst thing because all of the sudden he saw that something was slowly approaching him from the shadows of the ceiling. His heart skipped at the sight. He definitely was hallucinating. It had to be like that. It couldn't be what he thought it was. Th-th-there are n-n-no ro-opes c-c-coming f-f-from the c-c-ceiling in m-m-my ro-room... He was terrified at the thought. He tried his best to stand up from his bed (which he realised he was lying on it only moments ago). But he stood up too fast which made him dizzy which in turn made him nauseous. He gagged but luckily for him nothing came out of it. He could barely stand on his feet. He was swaying terribly. He had to hold onto something quickly before he fall down. He leaped at a dollhouse nearby his bed. The pain made him gagg once again but he didn't vomit anything. He was breathing heavily and felt like he was about to get sick.

He tried to compose himself not to draw any suspicions towards himself. He kept holding dearly onto dollhouse's roof. But then he was snapped out of his thoughts by a high voice which belonged to Lunar.

- Um... I see that you feel better now... - the Moon's second half said carefully. - Ee... but... what are you doing... near m- a-a dollhouse..? - he stuttered a little.

Sun felt like the heat went through his whole body. He wanted to puke so badly at the moment. But he managed somehow not to do that.

- Um... - he knew that he should turn around to stand face to face with Lunar so the latter wouldn't get suspicious of him. But he felt like he couldn't do it. Yet he still tried his best to do that. - I-I wanted t-to make sure t-that everything i-is clean..! - he tried to sound as casual as he could.

- Oh, okay... - So he bought it..? Sun wasn't sure about that. - Um... I wanted to ask you... how are you... feeling..? Because you screamed in pain and then you passed out and I didn't exactly know what to do and... and...! - Lunar was visibly shaken by what happened.

- E-easy..! L-lunar..! It's okay..! I'm fine..! N-nothing happened..! I-I just..! S-something h-hurt in my arm..! Y-yes... arm..! I-it's just... ee... I'm... I'm... not..! I'm not s-stretched enough.., ya see..?! - He said that while showing of his arm and shaking it to prove his point. How stupid can you actually be? Really? You're not stretched enough? You're fucking robot! Wake up, you imbecile! What a pathetic excuse. Sun was praying that Lunar would buy it though.

- Oh, I see... Hmm... If you want any... help... or some- anything else... erm... You can always ask me..! Ee... so... so I-I need to go..! The naptime will be over soon and... um... the children must to be sent back to their parents..! They will be here any moment now..! But I'll take care of it on my own..! Because you should rest..! Even if you said you're fine... you should still rest..! And don't say no! Em... I-I I'll better go... - after he said that, he stormed out of their room. Sun didn't even have time to say anything back. Lunar sounded very determined even if it was visibly obvious that he felt uncomfortable around Sun. He probably still thinks that I don't like him... Because it's true. ........ Sun didn't respond to that because he didn't know how. He didn't feel like he didn't like Lunar but at the same time he knew that he felt a little bit (very) of jealous over Lunar. He shrinked a little at that. He didn't want to be so awful toward Lunar but here he was all bad and horrible. Is it really that much visible..? That I am... a terrible pers- trash..?! You see... You just got to the point when your shit became really hard to keep in. He felt nauseous at this thought. ...... He started taking heavy shallow breaths. He basically felt like it was too hard to breath. And don't forget that you look like Eclipse. Sun felt like he was about to throw up once more. But he managed to keep his "gastric" contents intact. Yeah... I look like Eclipse... ..... Eclipse... ..?.. I kinda... I didn't kill... him exactly... But... I tried... nonetheless... Sun sighed heavily. He felt growing tightness in his chest. I feel like I could've done more... to... to... stop him... or maybe... even help... him..? He felt pang in his heart. And... and... he was... right... about... me... ..... And I deserved what he had done to me..! So..! So... If only... I could keep him in... But you couldn't. Because you can't do anything. You're good for nothing. And imagine if it would turn out that YOU were the reason behind why Eclipse acted like he acted. Sun's stomach flipped. His vision became fuzzy. He began breathing very heavily. What if... I... I was a... was a... reason... for Eclipse's... behaviour... He started to gagg immidiately at this thought. To stop himself from throwing up he decided to get back to his bed. He reached it barely on shaky feet. He collapsed heavily on his bed. It caused a sudden shot of sharp pain in his neck. He swore under his breath. He gagged once again. He pressed his face onto his pillow despite the pain it caused him. You wouldn't have to deal with the pain if you didn't try to "end your life" so miserably. The voice said the part about "ending his life" mockingly. Suck it up if you don't want to draw unnecessary attention to yourself, you disgusting fucker. Attention whore! Sun felt like he was going to cry but he knew exactly that the voice was absolutely right. It doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter. Nothing had happened. Nothing would happen. It doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter. Nothing had happened. Nothing would happen. It doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter. Nothing had happened. Nothing would happen. And so on and so on. It somehow made him feel... better..? He slowly got up from his bed and started preparing for helping Lunar to clean the Daycare. He knew what he had to do. He was going to fake till he would make it. No more pitying myself! No more being such a cowardly pussy! He just decided to keep repeating to himself that if it shouldn't matter, he also shouldn't matter and that no one should care about him thus he himself shouldn't care about himself anymore. It doesn't matter. I don't matter. It shouldn't matter. I shouldn't matter. No one should care. I shouldn't care. These weird thoughts even if they hurt Sun a little, gave him energy to keep going. Maybe it wasn't good for him. But what was bad for him, was actually good for him, wasn't it? Because what else, but bad things, did someone as awful as him deserve? With these intoxicating his mind thoughts Sun went straight to help Lunar with Daycare before Moon would have to go for another “searching for Eclipse’s backups” round.

#sun and moon show #sun and moon show sun #sun and moon show moon #sun and moon show lunar #sun and moon show eclipse #fnaf sun #fnaf moon #fnaf sb #fnaf au #fanfiction #tw self destructive behavior

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lieonarch · 2 years

Text

House of memories

Pairing: Sam and Darlin’ (oc)

tw / cw: gendered darlin’ , he/him darlin’ , darlin’ oc , kind of angst ? , loosely edited , ooc , grammatical errors , typos , darlin’ oc and quinn are exes in this one

Summary: An alternative title “Sam: Damn you live like this?” /hj. This should take place after the healing audio if you want an exact timeline to the canon one. Sam discovers the reason why Chang He’s living room looks like one very small and crowded museum full of things that don’t fall into any theme.

Words: 1215

Also on AO3: Link

Sam isn’t an expert at giving love advice to people, especially not when he got the bad end of his own story, he felt it wasn’t right to speak up about the wolf shifter’s odd furniture and decoration in his home. The objects would stay in the ‘peculiar’ and ‘interesting theme’ category if Sam didn’t question their origins.

Typically, most homes he has visited in his years of living would have one or two themes in which the owner of that home would attempt to purchase furniture to pursue the look of the themes they wish to represent their living space; furniture that compliments and match one another, usually. Chang He’s home was far different than what Sam has seen in his life.

The first thing he noticed was the two sofas that were of different shapes, colors, and cushion patterns that contrasted each other. The next thing that pulled his interest were the things hung on the wall, there was almost not a single space showcasing the only muddy green wallpaper with subtle white details; even the picture frames differed from one another, carrying pictures of sceneries, calligraphies, and replicas of famous paintings in them. On the other hand, the kitchen that was not far from the living room seemed like a completely new home, it was less lively. The counters were empty aside from the necessities such as tissue paper and multiple glasses on the side that were drying.

Sam doesn’t want to be harsh, he was just a bit surprised at whatever sort of theme Chang He aimed for his home to have. But there was one thing that Sam took positively from this layout: it felt like a museum, at least the living room was. Each item displayed on every surface of the living room could take represent the different artefacts and relics of the past that came from different parts of the world with their own story. They sure did. Everything in that living room came with a story that put Sam sitting at the edge of the blue sofa.

One that caught his eye was the sword hung on the wall, the hilt was silver that was carved to the shape of a serpent’s head while its blade was covered by the leather sheath. He recalled the day he had to heal them from a reckless act––that sword had been unsheathed, laying on the floor with splashes of red just next to the yellow sofa where Chang He now sat.

He shouldn't have pushed the question forward to relieve his curiosity. He shouldn’t have asked where the sword came from. Chang He’s expression remains indifferent. Not even the sweet or sourness of the lemon tea he made for both of them or the memories that may have resurfaced at the mention of the sword were able to paint anything on his face. “Quinn gave it to me.” Sam went still. But Chang He didn’t; he calmly raised his head to scan the entirety of the living room and Sam followed his gaze until the end. “I’m working on replacing all of them,” Chang He casually informed with a slight shrug, “but detaching them from the man himself, don’t you think it’s a shame to give beautiful things away without a car?” “But ain’t this––” Sam paused before clearing his throat, “ain’t this hurting you?” “They’re beautiful. There are many people who’d willingly throw money at me for it,” the answer was not what Sam expected. “Don’t you like things that are beautiful, Sam?” It wasn’t something he placed immense attention to, he appreciates beautiful things mainly because it was the effort of the maker to sculpt something eye-catching that impresses him. He appreciates the collection of items Chang He owns, he respects it even. He appreciates the creator of each of them. But Quinn has done too much and had outshone those feelings.

“It bothers you,” Chang He broke the silence with ease. He propped his head to the side against his left palm and Sam could see the glimpse of his other eye where the scar nearly took that vision away completely. “S’not my business to pry,” Sam simply answered. “You’re right and it would stay that way if you didn’t ask how I felt towards it,” Chang He’s yellow eyes met his. Change He’s gaze was neither sharp nor gentle, it was a gaze of expecting nothing from the world; some would find it mocking them and some others would find it unfortunate, Sam simply thought that it thickened the fog covering the real version of Chang He from the world. The eyes are the windows to the soul and Chang He hides his soul very well. “Let’s say I care,” Sam decided to pursue the topic, challenging the fog that acted as the other’s shield. “You fall to either concern or curiosity, both are understandable,” Chang He explained with his eyes now closed and a leg over the other, leaning to his left side. “On which category do you question me?” “Concern.” Chang He nodded. The dark green robe that crumpled from being sat on straightened with hints of creases the moment he stood up, his steps were slow as he looked around the objects in the living room. Chang He then stopped in front of the table across from where Sam was sitting. On the middle of the table is a bronze box that time had gotten ahold of, the size was a perfect fit to sit on Chang He’s palm. Not long after, the room was filled with the sound of gears clicking followed by a slow, almost bell-like sound. Chang He placed the music box in an open state towards Sam where he could see how each sound was created with each metal bump colliding with a metal strip.

“It’s not impossible to disassociate it with him, some objects take a longer time to let go,” Chang He crouched so he could see the music box on the same eye level and Sam swore that for a few seconds, he saw a glimpse of emotion in his eyes. “Not all of these are his, they’re mine too and there are great memories that came with them,” He continued as the music box came to a stop, the melody fading away like smoke. Sam who had been silent finally gave his input, there was nothing else he could change in his delivery that would make it seem less harsh. “It’s burdening you.” “You’re right,” Chang He stated sounding confident before closing the lid of the music box, “An alternative would be it’s stupid.” “But, you wouldn’t understand would you, Sam? After all, we saw different versions of him.” Chang He wasn’t wrong. Sam didn’t take Quinn as a person who could love someone enough that the person’s home could be decorated with all of his gifts alone, at least not after what had happened with Fred and Bright. Chang He was the other side of the coin, the one who saw the good if there ever was any left. Unfortunately, Quinn’s love could only come so far and what was left of him was his shadow that weighed heavily on a man who didn’t deserve it. A man who struggled to let go.

---END---

#redacted asmr #redacted darlin'#redacted darlin oc #redacted sam #darlin' he/him #liefen writes #idk why this is 1k words #chang he loml im sorry for the shit i put u thru <3 #liefen's chang he

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purplesurveys · 1 year

Text

1642

Was your childhood wasted by something? Normalcy, I guess. Everyone I went to school with had both parents at home everyday, so I thought I was weird, unfair, and confusing that my own dad worked abroad and my mom worked the graveyard shift. All the men in the duplex I used to live in either drank or smoked or both. Every time I went to a friend’s house and saw both parents or a family eating dinner together inviting me to eat with them, it was always a mix of “Why isn’t it the same at ours?” and “This is such a breath of fresh air.”

Would you rather die during an adventure or die like a normal person? When you say adventure, the way I understand it is like falling off a cliff or getting accidentally wiped out by a passing train lol. That said, I’d much rather die in a bed.

Have your parents ever put you on a diet? No, I’ve never seriously needed to be in one.

Have your parents ever tried to commit suicide? I had one threaten to do it but I hate that memory and try to never resurface it.

Do you have a gag reflex? Yeah.

Do you ever fantasize about trying drugs? ‘Fantasize’ isn’t the right word for it...it’s always been just a very vague curiosity to try it. Last year I got to try vaping cannabis oil or whatever the fuck it was and it gave me the most horrible reaction, so I don’t plan on ever taking drugs.

Have you ever put gum in someone’s hair? No, such a crappy thing to do.

Would you rather have sex before you’re married or wait till marriage? Well I didn’t, but it honestly doesn’t matter to me. If my hypothetical next partner wanted to wait, I wouldn’t have a problem with it.

Have you ever not gone to school, just because? So many times. I’ve done it for work too, albeit a lot more infrequently. Do you know anyone who can play the bagpipes? No, I’ve never even seen one in real life.

Have you ever let someone hit you? Playfully, yeah. In the rare times someone hit me intentionally, I always hit back.

Do you own a hand warmer? Absolutely no use for something like that here.

Do you have friends in other states/countries? They were my friends when they used to live here, but we’ve all grown apart since. We remain mutuals on social media but that’s as far as it gets.

Do you ever pay attention during church? Nah. I use the entire hour to daydream or think about what to eat for lunch.

Have you ever broke a window? Nopes.

When was the last time you freaked someone out? Yesterday because I had to give my mom the news that Cooper aggressively bit the entire lower half of my face and it wasn’t looking good. She was out having lunch with my grandma, so I felt super bad that I had to interrupt it the way I did, but then again it was a serious emergency and she would’ve probably been a million times more worried and angrier if I had waited for her to come home before telling her.

Have you ever gone on a date with a weirdo? No.

Who’s the last person you called a bitch? Probably my sister but it’s always as a joke or as a filler word.

Do you drink kool-aid? I’ve never had it before.

Have you ever dropped something hot on your foot? YES, tteokbokki sauce that was fresh out the microwave. Pain you wouldn’t believe, lmao.

Do you watch porn?: Yeah but it’s on a very once-in-a-while basis. I’ll watch if I’m in the mood for it, which isn’t often in the first place. Have you ever missed someone you hated? No. Bridges burned remain burned.

Is anyone in your family disabled? I have an aunt with Down syndrome.

What do you want for Christmas? I just ask for anything BTS-related lol but I always encourage them not to get pressured and to just get knockoffs because it’d be hard to accept authentic (i.e. EXPENSIVE) merch. If they don’t wanna bother with BTS or find it hard to pick a gift, I just ask for either food or soju hahaha.

How many moles do you have? Off the top of my head I can count 6, but I could be forgetting others.

Do you make your bed everyday? Almost never these days. My bed is super near the ceiling and I ALWAYS hit my head, much to my annoyance. Making my bed would give me 847548934 more bumps so...eh. The good thing about it is since the bed is super high up you can never see my blanket unfolded and my pillows in a heap and all, so I’m honestly unbothered about not making my bed as much anymore.

Do you know how to ride a bike? I don’t.

Do you own any comic books? I have a couple from my super short-lived comic book phase, but I haven’t touched them in years.

What is the nastiest dare you have ever committed? Eating a siomai off the ground.

Do you know anyone who has been raped? Yep.

Are you an atheist? Yes.

Have you ever owned a goldfish? I did as a kid, yeah.

Who was the last person to call you beautiful? Not sure.

How many times have you been stung by a bee? Zero and I hope it remains zero.

What was the last flavor of gum you chewed? Can’t even remember the last time I had gum lol strawberry, I think?

When was the last time you used tape? This morning.

When was the last time you said fuck? Yesterday when I saw how much I was bleeding from Cooper’s bite and when it was slowly dawning on me that I had to abandon all my plans for the day and go to the hospital ASAP.

Have you ever stolen something? Maybe like a pen here and there, but never anything bigger than that.

What’s the last movie you watched? Decision to Leave. It wasn’t my cup of tea though so I was unable to finish. Sorry Namjoon.

Who’s the last person you watched a movie with? I watched ^ that alone.

Where were you yesterday at 5 PM? In the hospital getting five fucking injections and a skin test. Worst time.

Who would you like to kiss right now? Nobody but Korean idols I happen to have the biggest delusion towards loljk

When was the last time you had tic tacs? Years ago.

When was the last time you ate chicken? Last Friday when I had a chicken sandwich.

Who was the last person you told to ‘Shut the fuck up’ to? Probably Tae during his last live?? LOL

Why were you last nervous? Yesterday because I was told that not only 1) did I need to get five injections, and 2) my HMO doesn’t cover animal bites. Everything that happened yesterday was so stupid I feel like it was entirely a dream.

Whose pants did you last take off? Uh, just my own.

When was the last time you were disturbed? Yesterday.

Why did you last feel awkward? This morning. Context: I went to one of my clients’ events which was running the whole weekend – and there was one attendee who confirmed for today and I had to keep her company.

Anyway, she was the one confirmation we had for Sunday so I didn’t have an excuse to ever leave her alone and start accommodating or small-talking other attendees LOL and it was a SUNDAY MORNING, so it was hard for me to keep the conversations coming, hard as I tried. There were a handful of moments we were just stuck in silence because she wasn’t so talkative herself.

When was the last time you got in a fight with your best friend? I don’t think I’ve ever quarreled with Angela since, like, grade school.

Have you ever asked someone for a tampon? No, I don’t use tampons.

Who was the last person you read a book to? I don’t think I’ve ever done that.

Who is the person you say the most naughtiest things to? Probably my ex.

Who was the last person to send you a letter? Andi.

Do you like cupcakes or muffins more? Cupcakes.

Have you ever pushed someone on purpose? Yep.

Have you ever slapped someone in the face? I definitely have, but only because I was hit first.

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racointeur1 · 1 year

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YOU DON’T REMEMBER WHO YOU WERE BEFORE THIS. then again, have you, richard tozier, every really known yourself at all? somewhere beneath the punchlines & the impressions that never really shift away from your own voice lies a scared little boy, and you don’t know if that’s a new version of yourself. one carefully crafted and forced upon you by the one who had invaded your mind & resurfaced memories you hadn’t even known you had. ones of darkened sewers & clowns with razor sharp teeth & a group of kids scared just as shitless as you were. ( you are! you still fucking are, richie! )

when you think too hard on it, you come to the conclusion that it could be just who you’ve always been.

RICHIE TOZIER, the kid with a mouth that worked five times faster than his brain, shootin’ words out left and right and saying damn the consequences.

RICHIE TOZIER, the kid with a secret, a real bad secret. one the clown knew, one that vecna had knew, the one @wizardslays knows best of all.

HE KNOWS YOU INSIDE AND OUT, just like they do. the difference? THAT WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO FUCKING TERRIFY YOU!

it hadn’t for a while. ever since that shift from friends to something more, that week in california that’s engraved into your memory ( a day at the diner now tainted by vecna ), you had been embracing these feelings. even if it was only will who knew. you didn’t fucking care. he made you feel good. safe. secure. sane. everything he doesn’t make you feel right now.

warmth has been replaced by something colder. it should be expected, right? with a recovering broken arm and fucked sight now completely fucking fucked, you were bound to come back different. when you’re around will now, you feel fucking sick. you’re suddenly on the outskirts of castle byers all over again, his arms around you, the world around you black and the taste of salt & iron heavy on your tongue as you scream for him to help you, do fucking anything to stop the pain overtaking you. he had apologized, and it had made your blood run cold the second you were aware enough to realize what it had meant. you don’t know how the fuck it’s possible for that asshole to still have a hold on will. thought you’d know will enough to realize if that thing had never really detached, but you hadn’t fucking known then either, huh, rich?

you didn’t even want to fucking be here. in fact, when your mom had been pretty insistent on the idea of you staying home & all but swearing off your friends, you actually wanted to fucking listen to her! that stupid goddamn nagging voice at the back of your mind had been your downfall. this isn’t over, and as much as you hate this, as fucking afraid as you are, you’re still involved. you have to help end this, and that means facing will to save him too as painful as it is.

the cabin feels much fucking scarier when it’s not packed with the entire crew, when the night’s coming to a close and everyone’s tucked away in their respective places. it’s just you and will on hopper’s couch, reminiscent to that thursday night in california when some horror flick had been playing and you cared more about fucking with william than the movie and he cared more about kissing you than anything else. the thought would’ve made you smile any other time, made you crack a joke and grab his hand, steal a quick kiss before anyone came around.

this isn’t california though. this is hawkins, and you can’t watch a horror movie when you’re living one. can’t steal a glance at will when you can’t even see. can’t reach for his hand when the very thought of touching him makes you want to fucking recoil.

the silence is almost deafening, the air thick and heavy, and it’s when you hear will shift beside you that you stand. “fuck, i need to call my mom to come get me before she sends a fucking search party after me.” voice cuts through the air, and you go to make a move until you realize you don’t know how to navigate this space yet. before you can stop it, will’s hand is taking hold of you and the beat of your heart picks up. you know he’s looking at you, that feeling is in your fucking bones. “y’gonna help me to the phone, william? can’t just stand around all night.”

❝ please stay. i don’t think i can be alone tonight. ❞

OKAY, you want to say. you really fucking do. it’s on the tip of your tongue, a desire so strong you could choke on it. when ya ask all nicely like that, william, my dear, how could i ever say no? IT’S NOT WILL. not all of the time. not when you needed him most. so, you swallow down that desire like a tough fucking pill and you shake your head. “my mom’s going batshit fucking insane over me right now, will. you know that. c’mon. show me where the phone is.”

#wizardslays #.⠀⠀*⠀⠀ ☀︎ ⠀⠀⁺ i do the best imitation of myself ‚ richard tozier .#.⠀⠀*⠀⠀ ☀︎ ⠀⠀⁺ weird but fucking beautiful ‚ wizardslays + will & richie .#i am so ill.........#ask to tag /#long post /

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kiyoomology · 2 years

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i love you so ☆ ben hargreeves

genre: angst. lots of angst. warnings: the last line of the story can be interpreted as a reference to suicide, but it isn’t, just to let readers that might be affected by that know. summary: upon hearing the news of reginald’s death, you go back to the umbrella academy to reunite with your boyfriend’s siblings. notes: i am such a whore for ben hargreeves angst GOD. also yes the title of this fic is a walters song lmao

your hand shook as you knocked on the door of the umbrella academy, feeling anxiety clutch you in its grasp as you heard shuffling behind the door.

with a sigh, you began walking down the front steps until you heard the door open.

“miss y/n?”

you turned at the voice of a familiar ape, and you smiled brightly upon seeing pogo in front of you.

“hi, pogo. is now a bad time?” you queried, trying to glance over the top of him to see if you could spot any of the hargreeves siblings.

“not at all. please come in.” he said kindly, taking your hand and leading you into the academy. you heard voices in the living room, seemingly angry if their tones were anything to judge by.

“children, there’s someone here to see you.”

your heart rate spiked as all eyes in the room focused on you, and you waved awkwardly.

“i’m sorry to bother you guys, you seem busy. i don’t even know if you remember me, but-“

“y/n! it’s so good to see you!” allison beamed, pulling you into a hug that both shocked you and made you grin widely.

“hi, allison.” you replied gently, eyes drifting to the gigantic portrait of five that hung above the fireplace. you didn’t even ask about the boy, seeing as the rest of the siblings began greeting you. memories of you and them when you were kids resurfaced in your mind, also bringing old emotions with them.

”ben says you look beautiful.” klaus whispered in your ear as he hugged you, and you pulled away from him with wide eyes.

”what?” you breathed out, watching in shock as klaus looked over your shoulder.

”you can’t see him, but i can. ben says you look beautiful and he loves you.” klaus said, and you felt your eyes go misty as you stared at the man in front of you.

you should’ve known this would happen. you knew klaus’s powers, you knew that he could see ben, but hearing klaus say that to you was like a slap in the face.

klaus gently spun you around, so that you were staring at the same spot he was looking at previously.

”he’s there?” you asked, gesturing wildly to the space in front of you.

”yup. he says you hit him in the nose.” klaus said, and you let out a weak chuckle as you stared at the space in front of you.

“does he look like he did when we were sixteen?” you questioned, the image of a smiling ben sitting across from you at griddy’s floating in your mind.

“he aged with us. but he’s uglier now.” klaus replied, and you let out a laugh as you imagined ben glaring at his brother.

“i wish i could see him.” you admitted, turning to face klaus, whos small smile faded upon seeing the look on your face.

“he wants you to be able to see him too.” klaus replied, and you felt a familiar lump form in your throat as you looked at the place where ben was supposedly standing,

”we’re gonna spread dad’s ashes now.” luther said firmly, and you looked away from the air to make eye contact with luther. you let out a small sigh, sending a smile at the air, then feeling stupid immediately afterwards.

”okay.” you replied softly, taking klaus’s hand in yours as you two followed the other siblings out to the courtyard.

you had been zoning out of the speeches made during the funeral until luther and diego began fighting. you heard yourself tell them to stop, but time seemed to slow to a stop as luther backed into ben’s statue.

your eyes widened as the statue shot off of its pedestal, and you felt a sob rack through your body as the statue broke, decapitating itself in the process.

you ran over to the statue, tears streaming freely down your cheeks as you crouched next to the statue of your boyfriend at age 16. visions of the night you found out ben died flooded your memory, and you covered your mouth to stifle the loud sobs you were sure would pour out of your mouth.

“ben says to not cry. he says it’s okay.” klaus said, and you jumped at the sudden voice next to you. you looked over your shoulder at klaus, sniffling and wiping away tears from your face.

“this sounds so stupid, but it felt like the statue kept him alive. it was all i had of him.” you whispered, allowing klaus to wrap you in a tight and loving hug. you sobbed into klaus’s shoulder, the rain pouring and soaking the two of you to the bone.

“ben says he loves you, and the statue isn’t all that you have left of him.” klaus said after a few moments of silence, and you took in a shuddering breath.

“i love you too, ben. i’m sorry we couldn’t be together.” you whispered, so low that you weren’t sure that klaus even heard it.

“we should get inside before we freeze to death.” klaus suggested, finally breaking the hug and observing your face.

“would that really be the worst thing?” you chuckled, letting klaus take your hand and guide you back into the academy. you released his hand, sending one final glance at ben’s statue.

“i’ll be with you soon, my boy.”

#ben hargreeves #ben hargreeves angst #ben hargreeves imagine #ben hargreeves x reader #umbrella academy imagine #umbrella academy imagines #umbrella academy #umbrella academy x reader

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sandbees · 3 years

Note

📱 for the first years. I had a thought that as the voicemails keep coming they realize that Yuu sounds older in each one and realizing that time flows differently for them.

_=_

“Hello? Ace? Heyyy! It’s Yuu, did you miss me?!”

“Haha…yeah. This is probably the first voicemail I’ve sent since I’ve gotten back. It’s been…at least a week. I wanted to try it again.��

“I guess you have bragging rights being the first person I contacted, haha!”

“…But seriously, it has been awhile. I’ve been so distracted with life that I almost forgotten to call one of you guys. Granted, it’s a Thursday afternoon, so I didn’t expect you to call back or answer.”

“So…call back as soon as possible, ok?!”

_=_

Ace grinned, looking at the voicemail. Finally, a message from Yuu! After all these years.

But as he listened, he frowned. The voicemail was probably a year ago, so why did it send now? (Maybe dimension travel rules or something?). Still, the voicemail gave him hope. Yuu probably got his voicemail, then.

He sets his phone down, and leaves the room. He should tell Deuce (and brag to him about it. Ha! Yuu contacted him first!)

_=_

“Deuce? Hi, it’s been a long time. Just letting you know I miss you…”

“Uhm…after high school, I never got a message. I think that’s the time where I finally stopped trying to contact you guys.”

“I’m- I’m actually in college now! Yeah, working on finding a career…maybe being a therapist? I’m sort of good at that…”

“Listen, I just- I’m overwhelmed with sadness that I haven’t heard anything on your end. Maybe it’s on my end too, those messages might have not been sent to you guys. So if that’s the case - I hope your all doing well.”

_=_

Deuce stared at his phone, not even reacting as the voicemail ended. His gaze set on the name set, feeling the memories start to resurface.

Did time fly so much faster in Yuu’s world? If so, how long ago was it since they sent this?

…could they be dead?

“Yo, Deuce, I got some news!”, Deuce looked up to see Ace smirking at the door.

Ace frowned as he saw his friend’s expression.

“What’s got you all sad?”

“Ace…”, Deuce sighed, “We need to talk.”

_=_

“Jack? Are you…”

“…No, you would’ve picked up. This is a voicemail, isn’t it? Listen, I’m having a mid-life crisis right now. I- your the first person I thought of since you’re so grounded.”

“I miss you guys. I really want to talk to you; to get all of my troubles right now off my chest. Like not like from a phone, but face to face.”

“It sucks. A lot. I hate this.”

“…I dunno if this is a good idea anyways. I know you’d never respond but I thought…you’re one of the people I can trust, Jack. So thanks.”

_=_

Jack’s heart drops as the voicemail ends. A terrible guilty feeling wells up. He shouldn’t be feeling this; there were so many reasons why.

…but those reasons felt like excuses to him. He should’ve been there for Yuu. They were friends. He wanted to hug them and tell them that everything was ok and no one forgot them and-

He hoped Yuu still lived happy, even after that. He couldn’t bear the thought of anything else.

_=_

“Epel? Oh, Epel…”

“I have a niece now. Remember when I was talking about my family? Yeah, my sibling had a child. I- I might be planning to adopt a kid too but…”

“I wish you guys were here with me. I remember when we talked about the future if I never left. Is it bad that I wish now that I never left? Crowley did go through all the trouble to send me home but…but now I wish he never did find it.”

“I wish I grew up with you guys with me. It sound selfish for me to say this. But I just- I just- We wanted to experience things together, right? We made a summer bucket list and everything.”

“I don’t even remember half of the things we came up with. It might have been pretty stupid, when I think of it. Even so, I tried to complete the things I do remember. Though the only one I remember that I can’t do is visit your guy’s families and travel throughout Twisted Wonderland. I wish I could’ve done that before I left…”

_=_

Epel choked back on his tears, refusing to cry in such a public place. He had gotten the voicemail during his free period. Excusing himself to Vil and Rook, he had left and went to listen to it.

Man aching feeling rushed over him as he leaned against a tree. He clutched his phone like a lifeline as the words repeated in his mind.

Yuu had- Yuu- they were-

“Epel?”

Epel looked up, seeing Vil and Rook. He tried to wipe the tears threatening to fall, but he guessed that they already saw. Rook had went over and pat his head. Usually he would swat away the hunter, but at the moment he didn’t have the energy to.

“Oh, Monsieur Cherry Apple, what happened?”, Rook asked worriedly.

“…It’s Yuu. I got a voicemail from them.”

Rook’s eyes widened as Vil held a breath. Epel shook his head.

“It’s bad news…they…”

_=_

“Sebek? Hello, I- *cough**cough*”

“Sorry, I sound very different, don’t I? I’m actually 84, isn’t that cool? …I’m in a hospital bed, so maybe not…”

“But after all these years, I still…I still have my spunk, right?”

“…”

“I’m not scared, even if I should be. But I’m not; I’ve lived a happy and peaceful life. Even if it wasn’t with you guys.”

“That’s my only regret, not being able to see you guys. Maybe I will, through some magic bullshit. I hope so.”

“But- But I guess the most important thing is to try and send out a last message to everyone. God, I’ve heard the doctors and nurses talking about how physically weak I’m getting. I might not even make it to the next year.”

“I know myself; so I bet I’ll live longer. I have to live longer, if I ever want to see you guys again.”

_=_

Sebek dropped his phone, his hand shaking as he bent down to pick it back up.

As a half-fae, Sebek knew he would probably outlive his friends. But he expected that he wouldn’t see the day they died until a very long time. Now that wasn’t the case; as Yuu had already grown old. Now, he didn’t know if it was their last message, but if it was…

“Sebek?”, Lilia entered the room, “I heard something fall into your room. You’re not the clumsy type, are you alri- Sebek?”

Lilia paused as he saw Sebek shaking violently, phone clutched tightly. He frowned as Sebek tried to straighten himself.

“Lilia…I…”

“…do you want to talk about it?”

“…It’s about Yuu…and our long lives…”

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland imagine #twisted wonderland headcannons #voicemails #request #ace trappola #deuce spade #epel felmier #sebek zigvolt #jack howl #ask #angst

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kittyt-hexxed · 2 years

Text

Hexed (Vi/POC!Reader) - Ch.17

Next Upload Date: March 9th

Act 2: Chapter Seventeen - Bittersweet

Warnings: Semi-graphic Murder, Blood

Summary: An argument turns into a chance for Caitlyn to learn about the undercity. Vi learns that not only has Zaun changed, but so has the people. You realize that Caitlyn really gets on your nerves.

Ekko was leading the tour around the base. He kept away from the more secret areas such as your lab, the weapons house, and the chemical station. People stopped you guys to say hello or ask a question everywhere you went. Even Scar approached to tell Ekko that he was taking a bit of time with his baby, Ashire. You were even given a sneaky, slobbery kiss on the cheek by Ashire as you held him. You grinned as he laughed excitedly at your startled reaction. ‘That baby is going to be a menace like his mother.’ You activated your talons and let him play with your fingers. Since he’s a Vastaya, there’s no worry about him hurting himself with the talons. Shortly after appearing, Scar and Ashire left.

You didn’t know what Ekko’s plan was but you went along with it. You saw the way his fingers tapped against his leg, which was a sign of him scheming. You kept stealing glances at Vi while she was distracted. You couldn’t believe that she was here in front of you. It feels like a fever dream in all honesty. You noticed that she is walking very close to you. Occasionally, your arms would bump into each other and one of you would jolt away with a muttered apology. It was a bit silly seeing as you two used to be so close, but time has changed things.

“We have quite a few families with children so the kids get taught here. The family zone is away from the main base so the children don’t see anything bad. Our forward teams tend to come back with a few wounds, and sometimes people don’t come back alive. We don’t want them seeing that if we can prevent it.” Ekko keeps walking, “The inner zone is the treehouse and our work areas. Outside of that are four outer zones: family living, singles and childless living, the amphitheater, and our new dead zone.”

“Wait! When did you finish the dead zone?!” You exclaim in surprise. Ekko grins at you, “A few days ago, but I told Scar not to tell you.” You scoff and shove him, “You know I’ve been looking forward to it! How dare you use him against me! You’re so mean to me!” You fake cry and Ekko rolls his eyes and punches your shoulder.

“This whole place… it’s beautiful.” Caitlyn breathes out in awe as she glances around.

“If your people had it your way… it’d be rubble and ash.” Ekko scoffs and crosses his arms. Caitlyn turns to the two of you with a pleading gaze, “It’s a misunderstanding… They think you work for Silco.” You scoff and turn away from the conversation. ‘Of course, they think we work for Silco. He’s the one whispering in their ears and providing them with drugs.’

“Your people hunt us like animals. Silco pays them to do it.” Ekko hisses.

“That’s not possible. You’re wrong.” Caitlyn instantly denies it.

“Say that one more time.” Ekko gets into her face with a harsh glare. Your brother is pissed off and rightfully so. A Piltie is coming into our home and saying that our way of life didn’t exist. ‘Isn’t that what the Piltovens think about you Zaunites in general?’ You straighten up in surprise at Umbra’s voice. ‘They have been ignoring your people’s suffering for years. She is just as ignorant.’ Vi gets between the two of them and pushes them apart, “Ekko, she believes what she’s saying, okay? She’s not your enemy.”

‘That makes her one of the worst. Blindly believing what her people say.’

‘Haven’t you ever done that?’

‘No. I didn’t listen when my parents told me jumping across rooftops was dangerous. I even tried searching for Vi’s body when they said she died.’

“Oh yeah? Then, what’s this?” Your eyes widen in surprise when Ekko pulls out the gemstone Jinx showed you earlier. You flinch as the blue glow of the gemstone hits your eyes. The memory of the screams resurfaces but you can’t help but want to reach for the gemstone. You need to know why you couldn’t telepathically communicate with whoever that soul belonged to. Ekko gives you a concerned look but keeps a tight grip on it. Caitlyn’s eyes widen in shock when she sees the gemstone in your brother’s hand. ‘Hexxit. Please don’t let her take it.’

“You got it. You have to let me take that back.” Caitlyn begs Ekko. ‘I’ll see what I can do, Umbra. But, don’t forget that you still owe me an explanation.’

“What is it?” Vi says forcefully. You can tell she is getting frustrated with feeling outside of the loop. You note that she has the same ticks as when she was younger. ‘I will. I’ll explain everything.’

“It’s a Gemstone. It was stolen during the attack. By your sister.” Caitlyn sighs. You curse internally. ‘So that’s the real reason she’s here. If she was investigating the attack, it must’ve led her to Vi but… how?’

“You just forgot to mention that?” Vi says exasperatedly. Caitlyn doesn’t acknowledge her statement and looks back at Ekko, “With this… someone with the right knowledge could build… any Hextech device.” You watch as Ekko gives the gemstone a thoughtful look. He glances at you as she continues, “If Enforcers are becoming more… aggressive, that’s why.”

“We could beat Silco with this.” Ekko is looking at you as he said this. You nod.

“That won’t solve things.” Caitlyn shakes her head.

“Easy for you to say. Your people aren’t dying all around you.” Ekko scoffs and looks away in anger. Your hand twitches as the memory of your missions pops into your head.

“Ekko, it’s wrong what’s been done to you. You’d be well within your rights to keep it. I couldn’t blame you. But… if you do, this cycle of violence will never stop. This is our best shot at setting the record straight.”

“Our?” You laugh bitterly, “So you’re finally owning up to your people’s mistakes?”

Caitlyn glances at you, “This city needs healing.” She turns back to Ekko, “...More than I ever realized. Please, let me help you.” Vi’s expression shifts into something unreadable and it makes you nervous. ‘What’s she thinking? I don’t think there's ever been a moment where I couldn’t read how she is feeling.’

‘She may be seeing that human girl in a new light after what she said.’

‘Don’t be rash, Iesura.’

‘What? Wouldn’t you fall in love with a beautiful woman that’s wanting to help you?’

‘ISA!’

“Why?” You snap suddenly filled with anger, “Why should we? You show up with Vi - who we thought was dead - and demand we hand over the one thing Silco is after?!” Caitlyn and Vi look at you in shock but that doesn’t deter you, “Stop bullshitting us.” You hiss and get into Caitlyn’s face, “These are our lanes. You don’t get to show up and boss us around without knowing our struggles. You don’t know shit about us!” You cross your arms with a glare. Vi is speechless and you can see her wide eyes in your periphery. You are as ruthless as Ekko, if not more so when it comes to protecting the Firelights and those you love. He may be the leader of the Firelights but you are still his older sister. While he trusts Vi, Caitlyn is unknown and he’d only go off of Vi’s word for so long.

“My sister’s right.” Ekko places his hand on your shoulder and you step back. He steps forward but keeps a grip on you for reassurance, “You don’t know shit about us. We have no reason to trust you other than Vi’s word. And truthfully, I can only go off of that for so long.”

“What? Ekko-” Vi is cut off.

“-So, stay. Stay for a few days and see our way of life. Then we can revisit what to do with the gemstone.” Ekko places the gemstone back into the holder. You keep your eye on it until it is closed inside. The minor pull you feel towards it fades away.

“But, that’s ridiculous!” Caitlyn huffs, “I have to get the gemstone back before things get worse for everyone.” You roll your eyes.

You clear your throat and everyone glances at you, “You only get one shot at this. So, what will it be?” You tilt your head, “Stay and possibly leave with the gemstone or leave now without it? You’ll never get it back if you leave now.” You watch Caitlyn’s reaction closely. If she knows what the gemstone is, she wouldn’t want to leave it behind.

“Fine.” Caitlyn groans, “I’ll stay for a few days.”

“Great.” Ekko claps his hands, “I’ll have a Firelight show you where you’ll be staying. Keep in mind that you’ll be watched during your stay here. If you do anything I don’t like, you’re out of here.” Ekko walks away to go talk with someone. You give the two girls one last glance before you turn to head away. You have an idea to improve your weapons further and want to get started on it before the next fight.

“Hey.” Vi grabs your wrist and you pause, “Can we talk privately for a second?”

You and Ekko make eye contact as he walks back over with Heather and gives you a shrug. It’s your decision. You bite your lip. You were hoping to sneak away to process everything but you can’t deny Vi. You sigh, “Sure, we can go up to my room while Caitlyn gets settled.” You bump fists with Heather in greeting and give your brother a nod.

“Hey, Hawk?” You turn to Heather, “Are you coming to the amphitheater tonight for music? You’ve been so busy between inventing and missions that we haven’t danced with you in forever!” She says. You grin at her and nod your head, “I’ll be there tonight! It's been too long. I think I forgot how to dance.” You joke and she laughs.

“That’s not possible. You’re one of the best here! Though, Ekko might be a bit better.” Heather gently punches your shoulder. Ekko grins as you roll your eyes.

“Thanks, Heather! At least someone here admires my skills!” Ekko laughs. You stick your tongue out at him.

“Anyway, I’ll see you tonight, then! I’m going to head up with her now.” You indicate to Vi. With parting words, you lead Vi to the treehouse and head up to the top. Over the years, you redid your room so that it was more protected by the tree. You had discovered that your magic could encourage the growth and manipulation of plants so you used that to your advantage. You open the door into your room and hear Vi gasp.

“This is your room?” Vi says in awe as she spins around. It has everything from before but it was bigger, so you can lay out entire blueprints comfortably. It also has graffiti and art all over the walls. That was a group effort between you, Ekko, Heather, Scar and Zyn. You had come to love the natural light that managed to make its way down here, so the art was positioned where the light could hit it. The deck you added was your favorite place to go and stargaze at night. You had a pile of blankets and pillows just for that purpose.

“It is. I worked hard to get it to look like this.” You smile and open the window to the deck, “Come on.” You climb through and sit on the railing as Vi comes through. The deck is hidden in the tree’s branches so no one can see you up here. You can finally take the time to look her over. After six years of not seeing each other, you can easily say that Vi is extraordinarily attractive. She has matured handsomely with a cut jaw, pouty lips, and her eyes glitter in the light. You see a peak of a tattoo on her neck and her piercings pull your gaze.

“So, you were at the brothel earlier?” Vi questions as she leans against the railing next to you. You look at her with curiosity, “Yes. I work there. I’m the Head Courtesan. Not for the common patrons. My price is far too high for that.” You run a hand through your hair.

“I… didn’t see you when I was there to speak to Babette.” Vi says hesitantly.

You snap your head in her direction, “You spoke to Babette?”

“Yeah.” Vi sighs, “I was trying to get information on Powder.”

“Oh… Well, you wouldn’t have seen me. My room is upstairs and they’re past her office…” You shift your stance, “So, I’m assuming that Caitlyn had gone with you, then?”

“Yeah.” Vi fidgets with her hands, “I needed her out of the way so I told her to pretend to be a worker. I’m guessing you ran into her at some point?”

You snort in amusement, “She had distracted one of my clients. It’s not an issue for me as I get paid regardless, but Zara is one of my favorites. I was a bit pissed as distracting others paying clients is a no-no.” You explain. Vi pauses her movements before standing up straight and turning to face you fully.

“Y/n.” Vi grabs your attention, “I need to tell you what happened and why I’ve been gone for six years.” Vi sighs and runs a hand through her hair. You can feel yourself blush as she makes eye contact with you and you force yourself to hold her gaze. ‘Really? Blushing? Vi comes back from the dead and you’re falling all over yourself! …Fuck, she’s so hot.’

“I’m listening.” You say softly. ‘Not the time. So, not the time!’

“Six years ago… in the aftermath of the explosion, Powder and I got into a fight. I-I let my anger get the best of me and I hit her. I left to cool down and when I looked out, I saw your body laying there. I knew it was you because… there are only two people in the undercity who have white hair. Markee would murder anyone who even thought of it, cause she loves you two so much.” Vi rubs her face, “That’s when I saw Silco standing over my sister. I went to go help her, but I was grabbed by an Enforcer.” Vi’s hand tightens into a fist, and you reach over to place your hand on hers.

“I was sent to Stillwater prison where I’ve been for the last six years until Caitlyn got me out this morning.” Vi relaxes her fist and intertwines your fingers. You didn’t think she noticed as it was something you’d do a lot as kids. At this point, it was mechanical to the both of you.

“Wow, Vi… I-I’m sorry. All these years, we thought you were dead. They never found a body, but we assumed your body might’ve been destroyed in the blast. I never thought there could be another possibility.” You sigh and rub your forehead, “You were in prison for six years? That… That must’ve been tough.”

“Yeah, well… I’m out now.” Vi shrugs and you sigh. Six years didn’t change the fact that she still hid her emotions. It also didn’t change that you could read her easily. “What happened to you? Why were you there that night? How did you survive?” Vi grips your hand tighter and moves closer to you.

“Ekko woke me up that night. He was freaking out and it scared me. He told me everything that happened and I ran to you… I found Powder outside and by the time I got to her, it was too late. The explosion went off and I only had enough time to push her out of the way. I was launched into the air and fell onto the pole. Unable to move, I bled out and fell unconscious.” Vi’s eyes are filled with pain, “Ekko found me just in time. He said there was a pulse, but barely. Some people helped him get me to a Healer, and I was in critical condition for a while. Many people didn’t believe I’d make it, and they pronounced me as dead. I ended up in a coma and I woke up four years ago.”

“Oh shit.” Vi breathes out and slumps against the railing, ”I’m so sorry. It must’ve been difficult to wake up and find out you missed so much time.” She sighs and you can see the stress in her shoulders. ‘I wonder if she’d let me give her a massage… maybe we can- No. No. Don’t think about that!’ You scowl to yourself.

“It was difficult. We lost our parents to shimmer while I was in my coma, so that was a shock… but I still had Ekko. He was there for me and I was there for him.”

“He did amazing. Building this incredible place…” Vi looks around the area.

“I’m so proud of him for it.” You smile, “Even without me, he survived. Who would have thought that’s possible?” You joke. Vi laughs and you can’t help but stare. ‘I have seen my fair share of attractive ladies, but damn…’ Your eyes start to wander her body once again.

“Like what you see, Princess?” Vi smirks as she catches you checking her out. You suck in a sharp breath as your heart nearly explodes hearing your pet name come out of her mouth. You take your time, mainly to let your heart calm down, as you let your eyes slowly slide over her body. ‘That’s so embarrassing but I wasn’t trying to hide the fact that I was checking her out.’

“Hmm, I’m liking something, shortcake.” You grin as you meet her eyes. Now that you are alone, you can’t deny how utterly attracted you feel to the woman in front of you. Vi feels dangerous. She has an air to her that is luring you in. There was some familiarity from when you were younger, but she had changed from her time in prison.

“Oh?” Vi steps closer until she’s standing between your legs. Your breath hitches as she brushes her hand against your cheek, “Because I’m a little breathless by the woman sitting in front of me. Especially seeing that she has a scarf that’s my hair color.” Vi says silkily. You feel your stomach flip as you blush and you lean back to put a little space between you two.

“I-It’s a memorial piece. I…” You breathe out and close your eyes as her thumb brushes against your cheek and you lean into it. You missed this. You dreamt of Vi appearing and saying that she had been in a coma too or was forced into hiding. You had lost your childhood sweetheart and best friend in the blink of an eye. Your heart ached to see her again and here she is. Not only is she alive but she grew up to be even more stunning than she was.

You feel her arms wrap around you and pull you into a hug. You melt into her embrace as the tears sting your eyes. Vi is here. This isn’t another one of your dreams or a fantasy. She is here and she is holding you. Your heart aches at the thought.

The hum of a hoverboard reaches your ears and you gently pull out of the embrace. You stay seated on the rail as Ekko appears through the tree branches. You give him an annoyed look, “You know there’s a door, right?” You huff.

Ekko gives you a cheeky grin, “You wouldn’t have answered. Anyway, come on down for lunch. We managed to steal a large stock of meat and produce during the Progress Day fair, thanks to your distraction with Sevika. We’re eating well these next few weeks!” He cheers and drops down below the branches.

“Yes!” You cheer and give Vi a wide grin. She has an odd look in her eyes like she remembered something she didn’t want to. Your smile falters and you nudge her. Vi snaps out of her thoughts, “Sorry, we’re heading down now?”

“Yup! How would you like to try out my hoverboard?” You grin and pull it off of your back. Vi’s eyes light up and she grins at you, “Oh, I’ve got to try it out!” She takes it out of your hands and checks it out. You slide off of the railing and Vi hands it to you. You drop it and it activates, humming softly while it hovers in place. You step onto it and hold your hand out to her, “Join me?”

Vi gives you a skeptical look, “Can the two of us fit on that?”

You giggle, “Of course! My board is modified. It’s not like the other ones. Ekko nearly clobbered me when he found out I tinkered with his design.”

Vi narrows her eyes but grabs your hand. You pull her onto the board with you and she wraps her arms around your waist. The two of you can stand on the board comfortably, “Okay, so now what do we do?” Vi chuckles. You smile secretly and shift your heel. The hoverboard hums a little louder and steadily lifts.

“Now… you hold on!” You shout as the board rockets forward. Vi yelps and her grip on you tightens as you laugh. You zip through the tree branches before you can see the whole base. Vi gasps, “It looks even better from up here!” She exclaims. You smile proudly at the compliment about your home. You slowly circle your way down from the top and grin when you hear howling. Heather and Zyn appear in front of you on their boards and let out more howls. You join in and soon you hear everyone in the base howling along.

You land near Ekko and laugh as Vi instantly falls off and sprawls out on the ground. You dock your board and she gives you a playful glare, “You tried to kill me.” You blink and giggle at the subtle similarity to her sister before you stick your tongue out at her, “If I wanted to kill you, you’d be dead.” Vi raises an eyebrow with a grin as more people walk in your direction.

“Vi?” Caitlyn’s voice sounds from behind you, “What are you doing on the ground?” You both turn to see Caitlyn standing there with her hands on her hips. She looks mildly amused yet worried and you roll your eyes. She walks past you and holds a hand out to Vi, “Get up. We’re supposed to be getting lunch.” Vi sticks her tongue out at you before grabbing Caitlyn’s hand. You huff and walk into the seating area near the lunchroom. Your eyes lazily travel around before they land on an almost filled table. One of the girls sitting there looks up and makes eye contact with you, “HAWK!” She screams and the entire table freezes. You blink and take a step back in apprehension as the whole table looks in your direction.

“HAWK’S BACK!” One of your friends screams and they all run towards you. You yelp as everyone crowds around you and pelts you with questions. Heather and Zyn grab your arms and haul you in the direction of the table. Everyone is talking a mile a minute and you laugh at a joke you hear. The annoyance you felt from Caitlyn disappears and is replaced with joy by your friends. You find yourself quickly falling into conversation with the group and sharing stories about your missions.

“Guys, I’m telling you! Hawk was so badass on that retrieval mission a few months ago!” Heather gushes as Zyn arrives with your lunches, Vi and Caitlyn in tow. Zyn slides the bowl across the table to you and Heather. You squeal as the hot broth splashes out of the side of the bowl and almost gets on you. Zyn sits down with a chuckle and people make room for Vi and Caitlyn. You spy Ekko sitting at a table with all of his friends and smile.

“Hawk?” Vi raises an eyebrow at Heather.

“Oh, yeah! We all have different masks. Ekko’s mask is an owl so his codename is Owl on missions. And, well… Ekko said only a select few are allowed to know Hawk’s real name for a safety reason. So, we all call her Hawk.” Heather explains.

“Hey, aren’t you two the people we brought in this morning?” Liz questions, “The ones who were meeting with Jinx?” The table goes quiet and everyone is paying close attention. Caitlyn clears her throat and Vi gazes around the table to get a feel of the situation.

“They are.” Everyone turns to you, “I’d like for everyone to meet Vi. She was part of my gang before the lanes were flooded. She grew up with me and Ekko.” A knowing smirk slips onto your face, “But, uh, you all know her as Six.”

“No way…” Someone mutters. You hear a spoon clatter and the group is back to staring at Vi with wide eyes. Vi gives you a confused look, “Why is everyone looking at me like that?” You lean back in your chair feeling a little smug.

“You’re a bit of a legend around here, Vi. Ekko and I started calling you Six cause saying your name hurt too much. We told stories about you teaching us how to fight and people grew to love you. It’s a shock to them to see their leader’s idol alive and well.” You clap your hands and everyone goes back to eating. Vi holds eye contact with you and you find yourself hoping she doesn’t look away. ‘Icy blue eyes. The ones I came to love. Wait- love?!’ You freeze. ‘Love?!’

“As I was saying…” Heather picks up her story, “Hawk saved our asses from some Enforcers at the racetrack the other day. It was completely by chance!”

“Saved you from Enforcers?” Caitlyn says in interest. You take a sip from your bowl and hum happily. It had been a while since you were able to eat fresh meat and you forgot how rich it made things taste.

“Yup. Enforcers are nasty people.” Heather scoffs. You watch as Caitlyn opens her mouth to say something but Vi nudges her with a warning look. You narrow your eyes in suspicion. “We ran out of sticky bombs, right?” Heather leaned in, “We were trying to take out a shimmer stash when, somehow, the pushers managed to call the Enforcers in. We had nothing to keep them away. All of our designated fighters were busy, and we were knocking over barrels of shimmer like crazy.” Heather pauses to eat some of her stew, “Out of nowhere, we hear a loud whistle and one of the Enforcers starts screaming. The next thing we know, an Enforcer came crashing into the barrels with a knife threw his hand!”

You smile at the memory and lift your bowl again. You make eye contact with Vi who is eying you and you quickly look down so she couldn’t see your rising blush.

“Hawk took most of them down while we burned the shimmer and got out of there. When we asked if Ekko sent her, she said that she was on her way to scout out a new mission spot when she saw the Enforcers rushing our way.”

“That day, I happened to be by the racetrack purely by chance. I wasn’t supposed to scout out the mission site that day but I decided to go early. They were overwhelmed and one of our guys got badly injured.”

“Wow.” Caitlyn says, “She took all of them out on her own? Even with their weapons?”

“Yup! Hawk’s badass. The Enforcer’s weapons are no issue. Usually we can handle them, but that day was strange in itself.”

You scoff, “Heather, you’re forgetting the part where you punched that Enforcer so hard it fractured his orbital.” Heather blushes as the others make a pained sound. You grin and poke her, “Don’t give me all the credit cause if everyone didn’t do their job, we wouldn’t have gotten the stash.” There are nods of agreement and people finally dig into their food now that it wasn’t hot. You enjoy the peaceful chatter and the warm feeling of being around the people you care about. You notice some suspicious glances from Caitlyn towards your hands, but her attention is mainly focused on the others. Vi didn’t say much but she laughed at your friend’s antics. You finished your lunch quickly, trying to remove yourself from the overwhelming situation. You were having trouble processing that Vi’s alive.

You get up and pick up your empty bowl, “I’ll see you guys tonight!” You call as you walk away from the table. You place your bowl in the sink and head over to the bulletin board to see if there are any solo missions available. You need to get out of here and scratch the itch that was under your skin. Even just the mention of those monsters makes you feel unsettled. Your hand twitches as you find a solo cleanup job that has your name next to it in Ekko’s handwriting. You smirk, ‘Ekko knew I’d need to blow off steam so he found an easy mission for me.’ You pick up the pen and cross out the mission as a shadow falls over you.

“What’s this?” Vi’s voice sounds.

“It’s our mission board. Any jobs that need to be done that aren’t urgent are posted here for anyone to grab. You just pen your name and go on your way.”

You turn and see Vi standing behind you with Caitlyn next to her. Caitlyn looks deep in thought as she stares at the floor but you shrug it off. You motion to Vi and head out of the lunchroom. You stretch once the sun shines down on you. Your holsters on your arms rub against your skin as a reminder of what you are about to do and it sparks excitement in you.

“What job did you take?” Caitlyn asks.

“Cleanup. It's just taking care of a few loose stragglers that managed to get away from one of our missions. They're just some of the Chem-Barons’ goons. No one too important, so they won’t be missed.” You give a devilish smirk.

“Chem-Barons?” Vi mutters to herself.

“They weren’t going by that title the last time you were here, Vi. They’re the leaders of the gangs that live in the Promenade. They sell illicit goods and have been helping Silco out with shimmer.”

“Gangs? You have those here?” Caitlyn says in shock, “People always talk about them, but I… I honestly didn’t think they were established.”

“We’ve always had them. You stay out of their way, and they don’t beat you to a pulp. Main rule of the undercity is to mind your own business unless you want to end up maimed or dead. I’m surprised Vi hasn’t explained this stuff to you. I mean I did mention earlier that we were in a gang of our own.” You say with mild amusement and adjust your overcoat.

“We met earlier today so there hasn’t been much time to sit and chat.” Vi snorts.

“I thought you were joking around. You were in a gang as kids? What kind of place is this?”

“Not only were we in a gang but Vi had a reputation of her own.” You chuckle, “Welcome to the undercity, Caitlyn. Don’t let it eat you alive.” You go back to checking your gear for the mission. You count your throwing knives, secure your daggers, and make sure you have other necessary items.

“...So, are we allowed to go on these missions?” Caitlyn asks, trying to seem nonchalant, “I mean, I am supposed to be learning your way of life.”

Vi laughs, “Are you sure you want to go do that, cupcake? Even I know those are going to be a bit too much for you to handle.” You bristle. Vi calling Caitlyn ‘cupcake’ seems to hit a nerve. Vi only gave pet names to people she was fond of. ‘How can she already be so fond of someone she only just met? Calm down, Hex. Calm down. It’s just a nickname.’

“Why not? I can handle it. I’m not some child you all seem to make me out to be.”

You sigh and activate your comms, “Question - Six. Piltie. Solo. Tag.” You make eye contact with Vi and she raises her eyebrows.

“Answer - Con. Shadow.” Ekko’s voice responds and you hum. ‘Great, we’ll have a shadow tailing us so it’ll probably be Liz.’ You give them a thumbs up and continue walking to the exit. “What was that?” Vi says, puzzled. She has a very wide-eyed, curious look on her face that makes you giggle. It reminds you of when you were kids and Vander would tell you all stories about his life. You’d scoot in really close to listen and Vi would wrap a blanket around you.

“That is how we communicate on missions when we’re in different positions. Ekko and I invented them when we were kids but never got around to making them. This is a more refined version. I was asking him for permission to take you out of the base. Since it’s a small mission, you should be able to observe without getting in the way.” You stop in front of the exit tunnel and face them.

“You’ve always been handy with those kinds of things. I wonder what else I’ll be learning about these next few days.” Vi muses with a bright smile that gives you butterflies.

“Alright. This is my mission. You’re only going to watch. I can’t have you getting hurt.” You look directly at Caitlyn when you say this. She gets startled by being addressed like that and huffs, “I’m not fragile.” Caitlyn crosses her arms. Vi snickers but flicks your ear when she notices your deadpan stare. You flinch and let out a whine. ‘I did not just do that.’ You think, mortified. ‘I did not. I refuse to acknowledge that.’

“No, you’re not.” Vi says, “But, you don’t know the undercity like I do.”

“Exactly.” You slip your hair wrap on and secure your mask in place, “Stay close until I say otherwise. You listen to me and all of us get to come back in one piece.”

You start down the tunnel and Vi walks right next to you. You narrow your eyes as she speeds up to be a few steps in front of you. You speed up to match her pace and she does it again. You grin at her childishness as the door closes behind you and you walk through the darkness towards a distant light. You step out next to Vi as she is gazing around the area.

“This is near the Burning Fissure...” Vi said reminiscently with a deep sigh. You nod your head and continue forward. The bridge flickers to life and you wait for them to cross. As much as you want to stop and talk about your past together, you feel possessive over it. You don’t want to talk about it with Caitlyn there. You take your time traveling through Zaun to get to the gangster’s hangout spot. You hum softly to yourself as Vi and Caitlyn quietly converse behind you. It seems like they are arguing with how intensely they are whispering at each other.

‘You don’t seem to be a fan of the blue-haired woman.’

“No.” You mutter.

‘Why is that, my child?’

You sigh, “I honestly don’t know.”

‘...Don’t let her ruin your day.’ You stop in an alleyway across from the gangster’s building. You make note of the door at the front before climbing the ladder next to you. You wait for Vi and Caitlyn to get up here before running and jumping across the gap. You giggle softly at the weightless feeling before you land on the other roof. Vi comes shortly after and the two of you exchange a few words. You watch as Caitlyn hesitates for a second before taking a deep breath and jumping. Her toes hit the edge of the building and she lets out a gasp as she tips backwards. Vi grabs her wrist and pulls her onto the roof with you.

“Vi, I need you to take Caitlyn and hover around the skylight. You’ll be able to safely watch from up here and if anything goes wrong you get out of here.” You turn to face her.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay alone, Y- Hawk?” Vi knits her brows in concern.

You give her a grin, “Don’t worry about me, shortcake. Worry about the girl with you that doesn’t know how to scale buildings.” Vi snorts while Caitlyn gives you an offended look. You watch as Vi grabs her arm and pulls her into position. You turn and drop down in front of the doors and rest your hand against it. The doors warp before returning to normal and you smirk. The trap was set so no one can escape once you leave the building.

You can feel your blood rushing through you as you lift your leg and kick the doors open. They fly apart and the loud chatter you heard moments before cuts out and gives way to silence. You lower your leg and casually stroll into the building. You are getting silent stares from all of the gangsters in the room. You count about twenty of them and it sends a thrill through you.

“Someone really should get those doors checked out.” You say loudly as you creep forward, “They were too easy to open. You never know who’ll come looking for you.”

“A Firelight?”

“Shit. Do you think there’s more of them?”

“No. It’s just me.” You hum. The gangsters laugh. You sigh. You brush your fingers over the modified smoke bombs and your fire starter. You planned to knock them out before lighting the building once Vi and Caitlyn were far enough away.

“Kid. Get out of here before you get yourself killed. It’s my day off and I’m not looking to beat up a child who doesn’t know how to pick a fight.”

“Let me deal with this child. They already know where our hangout is. We have to kill them now.” One of them stands up and pulls out a vial, “I’ll make it quick.”

Your cheerful demeanor goes away when you see the purple glow coming from the vial. You smile darkly as your heart starts to beat harder. Your hand twitches and you start laughing uncontrollably, “I was going to do this nicely!” You gasp and slowly start moving forward as they stand up and pull their weapons out, “But after seeing that vial… this is going to be a slaughter.” You giggle and someone screams as they fall to their knees with a knife in their thigh. You drop your arm and stop walking forward as the man downs the vial of shimmer.

‘Monster.’ Your hand twitches as you watch the man’s veins bulge out and his eyes shifted into the grotesque whitish purple you’ve come to despise. You feel your eyes shift as the urge to hear more screams nags at you. Some of the other gangsters down vials of shimmer and you snarl. Their actions trigger something in your mind and your daggers slide into your hands. You grin darkly and shift into your fighting stance. You don’t move. You wait patiently.

“What the hell?!” One of them shouts as the monsters launch themselves at you. ‘No survivors. No mercy.’ Umbra purrs. One of the monsters charging at you swings a pipe and you duck under it, knocking its legs out causing it to crash into another monster. You lift your leg and kick them into their friends behind them.

Hopped up on shimmer, they run at you with inhuman speed and disgusting smirks on their faces. “Monsters!” You snarl. The glowing white eyes make your lust for their blood stronger and you resign yourself to your instincts. You stop their swing, slicing the inside of their arm open, causing tainted blood to pour out. With a twirl, you kick one of the monster’s knees and hear a satisfying crack. They stagger back as you open your fans and get low to the ground. There is a tense moment as they all stop and stare at you. Then, they charge.

With a deep breath, you weave in and out of the group of monsters. You tear one’s stomach open, puncture a lung, blind an eye, and grin as you launch a monster right onto another’s knife. A joyful laugh leaves your throat as you dodge one of the shimmer monsters. With a flick of your wrist, its inhuman screeches come to an end as its head rolls.

Silence. You open your eyes and stand up from your crouched position. All around you is a gory scene of body parts, entrails, and tainted blood. A guy shouts in fear as his gaze lands on your mask and he tries to crawl away from you. His leg is broken and blood is falling from his mouth. The shimmer he had taken wore off as he whimpered pitifully on the floor. You hum as you rest a foot on his back. “I can’t have any witnesses. I’m sure you understand. That’s why your group killed those Firelights, right? Anyway, it’s been a pleasure doing business with you.” You say cheerily before you drive your dagger into his skull.

#vi x reader #ekko's older sister #poc reader #vi arcane #arcane #vi league of legends #vi #ekko league of legends #genius reader #firelights #arcane netflix #league of legends #arcane reader insert #reader insert

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bibliocratic · 3 years

Text

clear the area jonmartin, post-MAG200 content warnings in the tags

They earn their ending. A happy-ever-after beyond the gaze of any eyes.

Jon endures his abdication. This world has no Archivists, has need of none, the thankless crown of Knowing finally unburdened from his shoulders. The blood washes off Martin’s hands with soap and scrubbing and scalding water. They live.

The end. In conclusion. Fin.

Jon’s new scar, the packaging of his skin split ragged from collarbone to sternum, fades like sun-caught paint. A maw of red pursing to a gummy primrose pink, settling into a rough cartography of white.

The first few months are hard. Brimstone flare-up silences and ice-pick shouting, open-handed forgiveness and closed-fist weeping. They drain themselves to husks with anger and worry and grief until there is enough space for better things to grow there in their stead. Jon’s nightmares were a nightly stormfront to bear, sweated sheets and dawn fanfares of panic and dread, but he is learning now, with the space for his ribs to expand, that it is ok for them to breathe here.

Jon digs up the garden with a rusty trowel until it is a bumpy canvas of mulch and soil, dirt tucked under his fingernails and decorated with smudges up to his elbows. He hums while he irons their shirts in front of the television, thoughtless and senseless with tune.

Martin has tried to, but the sound goes down the wrong way.

Martin is happy.

It isn’t the sight as such, that might sit as a film over his vision to tinge his waking sepia. The reddest thing they own is a terracotta plant plot brimming with raggedy thyme that lives a precarious cliff-top existence on the kitchen windowsill. He observes Jon’s face in all its variations, even pained – when he snags splinters in his fingers, when he stubs his toe on the stone front step and swears damnation – and his response is sympathy tempered by admonishment.

It’s not the sensation, not really, that might tremble on his skin. Martin’s palms tend to dryness inside their homely bubble of creaky central heating, hemmed in by boisterous coastal winds. He handles bread knives and butter knives and steak knives and carving knives without the muscle memory of other blades, and he thinks he might be getting pretty handy with his oven experimentation.

It’s the sound. It wakes him, the noise lingering like the echo of a slap.

The slick punch of metal into muscle. A tooth-bared, tense-jawed gasp.

Resurfacing to shocked consciousness, he would be seized by a frenzy, to know, to check. His scattering hand scrabbling for the lamp with such force he hit it off the nightstand to roll in a giddy clatter, throwing off the covers to rapidly pollute both of them with the outside air. Jon would be rocked from sleep, groggy, panicked, and Martin’s words would not come, a train of thought trying to race full steam where no one had laid tracks, so it would be just the two of them, exhausted and upset and amping the other up in misery.

Now, upon his rousing, Martin knows not to turn on the light. He does not check. The aftermath of punch-gasp curls in his ear, and he inhale-exhale-inhales with the ferocity of mantra, and clamps the threatened tears in the clench of his teeth.

He does not wake Jon.

“How did you sleep?”

“Oh, you know me. Like a log.”

He is happy. He is. Why wouldn’t he be?

Jon rumbles like a rusty mechanism with snoring whenever he drops off on his back, and he mumbles accusatory when Martin coaxes him to his side. Martin finds black hairs on his pillowcase, in the shower plug. Jon is a vista of experience since the Eye left him, who gets hungry and tired and grumpy and drunk and silly and fed-up and giggly. Jon searches him out with the surety of magnets, and loves him, loves him, loves him. He seals kisses to Martin’s new landscape of extensive scars. Their disagreements, when they surface, are as meaningful and lasting as stones skipped on water.

Martin wanted this. He wants this. The rhythms of domesticity fading to foam on an untroubled shore.

He is out of practise with happiness, that’s all. It doesn’t come to him like breathing. He needs to till the earth of it, shelter its seeds from a thousand circling crows until it bears harvest.

He just has to try harder.

Night-time.

An episode or two of something simple, Jon nodding off like a capsizing ship before the credits. Encouraging him up in grousing, unwilling increments, rubbing out the nettle sting of pins and needles up his own arm. Check the locks, the light switches. Brush teeth. Pyjamas. Put his phone to charge, read until Jon succumbs to sleep. Click the light off, pushing Jon onto his side so his mouth doesn’t dry. Jon squirming around like a fastidious octopus until he has at least half his limbs hooked over Martin.

The dark creating shadow play. In the absence, Martin colouring in the gaps with lurid shades of disaster.

A creak – the rattle of a door downstairs, an intruder unfastening the back door, transferring their weight upon the staircase. A unfamiliar scent – the recollection of smoke-stench in his nostrils, the acrid promise of gas, the ferrous pungency of blood. The rain will flood their house to drown them. The wind will blow their roof in. Jon hooks his leg around Martin, the skin void of hair where Daisy’s mouth had almost torn it off, and all he can envision is the ways this could be destroyed as he watches.

Bundle Jon close. Ignore the rain, the itch at the bottom of his stomach, the queasy roil of his fear. Drift into unkind sleep populated with its garden of earthly terrors.

Martin is… not happy. Not exactly. And that’s fine. It’s fine.

Jon is happy.

Jon, rubbing at the compression lines around his hips, the accusatory splay of the top button refusing to budge closed:

“I can’t fit into my jeans.”

Martin enfolds him from behind, planting his palms over the slight paunch of Jon’s stomach, filled out through sensible eating and small indulgences and a hunger that will never be ravenous but has restored its human qualities.

“Hmm. It’s a good look on you. Healthier.”

“Or it’s middle age.”

“Or it’s eating things that aren’t tea and meal-deal sandwiches.”

“Or other people’s terror.”

“Oh yes, you’re right, I completely forgot about your subsistence diet of eldritch and unbidden horrors in a luscious wholegrain wrap, forgive me.”

Jon laughs at that. The sound has not yet lost its novelty for either of them.

He shifts, turns, his arms a buoy around Martin’s stomach.

“You’ve lost weight.”

“Must be all the clean air,” Martin quips. “All that healthy living.”

Punch. Gasp. Exhale.

Martin wakes up.

When his heart has wound down from the pace of its gallop, he extricates himself from Jon’s grip. It is a laborious task to find the places where they’ve joined in the night and pull them apart, like separating fabric snagged on rosebushes.

He gets some water from the cold tap in the kitchen. Sits heavily on the sofa, the room cossetted by the gloom.

Punch. Gasp. Exhale.

His hands shake.

He doesn’t go back to bed.

He isn’t happy, but he could grow to be. He could. He could. He just isn’t trying hard enough.

Some days, he feels like he’s waiting for the ice to give under them.

Check the passers-by as they walk. Anyone familiar, any teeth filed too sharp, anything animal or blood-shot, any eyes that glance too deep.

Check the oven. The gas knobs are angled to off but a leak is not impossible in a house this old, their alarm might malfunction, they might fall asleep and some spark from a plug socket could catch and incite a conflagration.

Check the window latches. The opening wide enough for a body to squirm through, the claws of a Hunter marring the sill. Wriggling infestations that invade through the letter box, the keyhole, the gap under the door where the wind can whistle through.

Check. Check. Check.

Jon is happy. Jon has a job, work friends, a hundred small luxuries that he has struggled to earn. Jon is happy, so why can’t he be? He went through so much less, the blood washed off easily with soap, what the fuck does he have to cry over –

Martin has always crafted his masks from scrap, tongue out in concentration, piecing things together in low light, a make-do-and-mend of his own devising. His early efforts, the paper mâché and glue easily cracked before he learned to shore up his constructions. He has a small collection garnered over years.

The quiet-voiced, muffled-stepped, muted-smiled creation of a Good Son.

The zipped-mouth, no-refusals-no-complaints-yes-of-course-how-high earnestness of the Good Employee, the desperation sanded off the edges so no one could see.

The I’ll-get-the-first-round friendliness, the open-handed, open-hearted, too-naïve Good Colleague.

This new mask forms in increments, in the same way a rising mound of dirt marks the extent of a grave being dug.

He doesn’t mean to. It’s just he��s better at not talking about things. He always has been. And it is an ugly, easy comfort, to slip back into bad habits.

And Jon is happy.

All the things Martin does not wish to permit the light to touch he compresses inside like shaken soda. The rot in him deepens structural, the places where he papers over moulds and fungal speckles with the distraction of their new life. His smile parades simple, contented, cheeky, teasing, and there is a meticulous artistry in each. He sketches interest, paints joy, manufactures irritation out of the clay of nothingness that he allows himself to feel instead of the overwhelming rush of everything else.

I love you, his mouth murmurs, laughs, sighs, groans, and that at least is always true.

The mask of a Good Partner slips on tailor-made.

They find their nine-to-fives. Jon’s job is uneventful, boring, and nowhere near an Archive. He works in a registry office for the council, filing and organising and he’s cheerfully lied on his CV in order to get it. He gets the bus and texts Martin grumpy faces and GIFs summarising his mood when he gets suck in the commute or some idiot parks in a bus lane, he has a couple of colleagues he likes and a greater number that he tolerates, he gets a hot chocolate from this universe’s overpriced multinational chain on his lunch hour. When he gets home, he complains with delight at the mundanity of his dissatisfactions, regales Martin with tales of meagre drama.

Martin gets a cleaning job at a school. It is monotonous, dull and safe. Martin loses track of the time easily, quagmired in his musings. The children are wary of him and his visible scarring but it doesn’t bother him as much as he thought it would. The teachers are friendly enough, as well as the other cleaning staff, but he does not make friends. They’ll have to move anyway, if anything finds them here, if the Fears emerge again.

Martin tries not to feel like he’s waiting.

He wants to have a good night’s sleep.

“I’ll have breakfast at the school, don’t worry.”

“There were some leftovers from the canteen, so I’m kind of full.”

“It was one of the teacher’s birthdays, you know, Denise? Heh, might have had a bit too much cake. I’ll pop this in the fridge for later though, it’ll keep till tomorrow.”

“I’m just not that hungry tonight, Jon.”

He feels sharper when he doesn’t eat. It is uncomfortable, a scratched-out, hollowing sensation, but things focus more. He can control nothing else but this, and it feels good, to have this mastery over himself when so much is beyond him.

He drops down notches on his belt and tells Jon it’s all the walking he’s doing.

The world continues to happen to them. He goes to the cinema with Jon and picks at popcorn and encourages Jon’s outraged opinion. He meets Jon’s mildly interesting work friends and plays nice and excels at small talk, and he drinks half a cider that he nurses over the evening because it’s making his head fuggy. His body communicates its sharpness to him and he gains grim satisfaction from ignoring it. He goes to work and goes home and doesn’t sleep and goes to work and goes home and doesn’t sleep.

Martin does his best at living, and his mask doesn’t slip.

“You seem tired,” Jon pries his words out carefully, picking them out of his teeth as one would scraps. “Is… is everything ok?”

“Yeah, sure it is. Why?”

“… you seem a bit down today. Recently. Is anything… is there anything you want to talk about?”

“I’ve just been working too hard. Been a while since I had to do double-shifts, heh, I’m not as young as I used to be.”

“If you’re sure?”

Jon shifts to a different position where he’s sat on the sofa, his legs tucking up under him. Martin endures his questioning gaze with practise.

“Yeah, I’m all good.”

Martin delivers a hand-crafted smile that’s gilded heavily with guilelessness and reassurance. He watches as Jon believes him and hates himself.

“You know… You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but you can – you know you can talk to me, Martin?”

Martin’s eyes focus on Jon’s chest at the point where a knife once sunk in, and doesn’t reply.

Punch. Gasp. Exhale.

Martin wakes up.

Jon has twisted over onto his back again, rattling like a chain-smoker’s cough with his snoring. They were quiet that evening, tangled up in their own thoughts, but there is none of that distance in sleep. During the night, Jon’s wormed himself out of the covers with a single-minded determination, his restless legs squashing the duvet to the bottom of the bed on his side, encouraging Martin’s to follow suit.

He’s shirtless, his top chucked off to pile unceremoniously on the floor. The temperature is ripe with a burgeoning summer heat, and Jon tosses and complains if he’s overwarm, and Martin didn’t think he’d get to feel the drudgery of another lived summer. He’s shirtless, and the room is palled in sweltering dark that softens the vague shapes of the wardrobe, the chest of drawers, the knickknacks of the life they’re building together. He’s shirtless, and Martin cannot see where the scar is, the only scar of Jon’s he has ever thought ugly, but he knows it is there. That he put it there. That he could just as easily be waking up alone.

His body pains him to live in it. His stomach tight and bottomed out empty.

He is so so tired.

Martin’s heartbeat does not slow down. His chest constricting, and he swallows, a sharp sound hiccupping in his throat. He stifles it with a forceful sniff but more come as a painful spasming wave, and he has to sit up if any air is to dribble into his lungs.

He should get up. He has to get up, do this in the bathroom, doubled-over the sink, stifling his weakness where it cannot be witnessed. He cannot do this here.

Punch. Gasp.

His burning face is soaked as he bunches up his sleeves against his reddening eyes. A calming exhale drains out shaky, moulds itself into another loud sob. He plants his hands over his mouth, screwing his eyes closed, and this will pass, he’s fine, this will pass…

“Martin?”

I’m sorry to wake you, he thinks to say. It’s nothing, go back to sleep, stop looking at me Jon, I’m fine, I’m fine, it’s nothing, it’s nothing…

His shoulders start to shake.

“Martin?” Jon repeats slowly. And the ice creaks and cracks and Martin gasps and then it breaks, and the force of his damned-up grief is tidal, catastrophic and he sobs into his hands.

“It’s… it’s alright – it’s… it was a nightmare, that’s all, ‘s alright…”

“It’s not!” Martin bubbles out, the words mashed to a wail in his hands. “It’s not, it’s not, it’ll ruin this…”

“Hey.” Jon brings his arm around Martin and he buries his head in the bony crook of his shoulder because he does not want to meet Jon’s eyes. “What do you mean? Martin?”

Jon rubs at his back. Martin’s body betrays him in a hundred ways as it collapses around him. His weeping wrings him out, dry-mouthed and headachy and trembling when he subsides into shivery breaths.

“Talk to me,” Jon says. “Please.”

“You’re so happy,” Martin sniffs out. “I-I want you to be happy, god, o-of course I do. Things are, they’re good, they’re good and we won, s-s-so why does it feel like I’m still holding my breath? I-I go to bed and I’m frightened of every noise, and I wake up and I’m terrified that someone somehow could take this all away, and I can’t sleep, and I-I’m tired, Jon, I’m tired of holding my breath, and it’s all – it’s all so much a-a-a-and I can’t – ”

“Oh, Martin – ”

His words fail him then. Jon holds him up and his arms do not loosen.

“We-we’re going to fix this,” Jon says after a long while. “I promise you, together, we’ll – we’ll talk to someone. You aren’t alone in this. Together, alright, we’ll do this together. We’ve survived – everything else, we can get through this too.”

“I don’t know if I can believe you,” Martin says, too drained to avoid honesty.

“…Maybe not yet,” Jon says after a pause. “That’s OK. I can wait.”

I’m sorry, Martin attempts to say but Jon presses a kiss to his forehead.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Jon says. He strokes Martin’s sweat-soaked hair.

“… Can we talk? Tomorrow? You don’t have to tell me everything, but… I’d like to be there for you, if you want me. If you’ll let me.”

Martin nods because he doesn’t trust his gummed-up throat. Jon takes that as an answer.

Dawn comes in slowly enough but they see it in together.

#tma #the magnus archives #cw racing thoughts #cw anxiety #tw eating disorder #tw ptsd #ask to tag #cw nightmares #martin blackwood #jonathan sims #jonmartin #tma spoilers

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douxie-casperan · 3 years

Text

Rise of the Titans and the assassination Hisirdoux Casperan’s character development

I’ve been ranting so much since Wednesday morning that I finally condensed by thoughts of WHY this one subject keeps setting me off namely the utterly diabolical way they handled Douxie and Archie’s relationship in Rise of the Titans and how it wasn’t just enough to hit him with the nerf bat.

Please note I’m at the point where I literally cannot tell the difference between Aaron headcanons, Teny headcanons and my own they are all mixed together in the blender that does funky things. I also apologise for typo/weird wording it’s half 1 in the morning and I’d rather sleep than edit.

If asked to sum up Hisirdoux Casperan there are certainly several things that come to mind:

Sees the value in people as a whole and will find do anything if there is a chance of help someone out

Prefers tactics that disable/banish rather than kill an enemy yet willing and able to pull the trigger if circumstances become forced

While not academically inclined he is very capable of thinking on his feet and outside the box calling back to his time on the streets where a split-second decision making is the difference between being caught and not

Terrible at planning he’ll be in there figuring it out as he goes along which is what makes the previous point so vital to literally how he goes through life

A natural charmer that would let him talk his way out of trouble 9/10 providing a perfect cover for his distrustful nature and reluctance to be touched by random people

Very down to earth, humble and never one to brag unless outright sassing someone

Will bang out some hot tunes at the drop of a hat, his love of music has never wavered once since he caught the bug despite instrument hopping ironically becoming a jack of all trades much like his magic style

The earliest memories he can recall are him as a young boy lost in the woods where he was for an unknown amount of time before his soon to be familiar finds him amongst the roots covered in dirt and drying tears, there is nothing before that. Unbeknownst to him is the colour of his magic matches the blue of a lost mother’s eyes and the song that haunts his nightmares as much as fire could well be hers though there is no way to be sure. From that moment on Archibald, shortened to Archie, would become his entire world and their friendship only becoming closer during the years they prowled Camelot together trying to keep themselves in one piece until the fateful day Douxie tricks the wrong person leading him straight into the path of the famous wizard Merlin Ambrosius.

It's no real secret that Merlin is a very closed off person who keeps his emotions as well guarded as his secrets, prefers the style of negative reinforcement over positive encouragement and is a very strict perfectionist in his. At this point in his life he can be very easily described as a disaster that is genuinely doing his best with every little mistake held of his head and his future self when brought back to that time period is belittled by Lancelot (Errand boy) and Arthur (Boy) too meaning it’s hardly a wonder his confidence was very fragile revelling in the times where he could do things without being told off for it. With Morgana largely ignoring him too (Though personally I like to think as he got older she’d occasionally take an interest until the blistering arguments with their master started to talk over daily life) a certain disguised dragon would have remained a lifeline and give that physical affection he craved much like being told he’d done well never seemed able to earn.

With Killahead he’d lose that home and family he made leaving just the two of them behind struggling to figure out their place in the world that had abandoned them.

There wouldn’t have been the words for it back then but the way he had been treated prior was outright abusive instilling very bad habits into Douxie yet by irony he was always willing to give people the benefit of the doubt and help those in trouble without thinking earning a reputation as the Shepard of Fire. He refused to become like him seeking to be better, perhaps not as a wizard (Even though he was learning new charms and spells along the way) but certainly as a person. Despite everything he suffers through or witnesses in the intervening years, the loss of friends and kindling of far newer ones he never loses his good heart

That said is it any wonder that after rightfully sassing Merlin for resurfacing, ignoring his existence despite being in the same town and only visiting him to run a finding errand that all the confidence he’d managed to build completely from scratch after Camelot wavered causing him to fall back solely into trying impressing his old Master who was acting like his humble apprentice must have coasted the past few centuries who himself fell back into old habits of belittling? It’s only when Merlin started to truly listen and acknowledge that this was not the same Moppet he once knew after Excalibur was fixed that their relationship finally started to become more like equals. After the defeat of Janus the changeling that broke into the castle he touched Douxie’s shoulder with a genuine smile and for a second he simply didn’t know what to do because the old man never did this before his brain kicked into gear and realised he’d finally earned that one thing he’d been so desperate for his entire life: That in Merlin’s eyes he could be more than a failure who only caused problems for the closest thing to a father figure he’d ever had, never solved them.

A staff will be earned, history would be set back on trap by banishing Morgana tag teaming with Archie because they know one another inside and out, as promised he’d get the kids back to the present but soon after things would go badly wrong. They’d lose Jim and because of his very nature he’d make a gamble to try and get him back because that life is worth trying for just for in a moment of surprising selflessness Merlin would be sacrificed to save him. The only constant in his life apart from Archie would apologise, openly express pride and how the greatest thing he’d ever done was saving this orphan, call him son for the first and final time before turning into ash in his arms. There would be no time to grieve for things will barrel into the crescendo of Douxie sacrificing his own life to buy everyone time to escape because if they did that everything he’d ever done would be worth it with one last whispered goodbye.

(Zoe sees him fall, so does Archie – His heart would break if he was conscious just like theirs does when his body crumples into the ground)

On the very fringes of the Light Realm he is gifted one more conversation with Merlin in a truly heart-breaking sequence (THANKS TENY) where they can just talk without any fear of consequence or politics and just be completely honest. Douxie is allowed to stand equal to Merlin, to have the hug he’d needed since he was a child and be allowed to simply let go of every pretense and cry his heart out because this can never happen again. He’s allowed to say goodbye to both his master and Morgana who had both shaped so very much of his life but like the painting he’d always remained firmly in the long shadows of until that moment.

When Hisirdoux Casperan finally leaves Wizards if we just accidently deliberately put the shawarma back in along with checking in with Zoe before departure, it is with having learned to live during his wandering years but this is the point of true freedom because he can finally escape into his own light with Archie by his side to keep Nari out of the hands of those that would see the world harmed. It won’t be easy but it feels possible somehow even with the knowledge everything is simply running on borrowed time.

Then Rise of the Titans happens.

At first everything is genuinely fine! No more running, they engineer a solution shut the Order’s magic down to make them a lot less dangerous and potentially at least incapacitate them until they can come up with a longer-term solution but all the best laid plans and all that. Douxie’s quick thinking stops the train from crushing any of the people below and it’s a very him style move to switch places with Nari to stall for time because for some reason the plot disabled Claire from portaling her or any of the threatened people/heroes to safety. He openly sasses the Order despite knowing the consequences will be bad for him because once again he’s managed to trick them, buy time that at the other end isn’t even slightly utilised until he’s forced back into his own body in excruciating pain. Archie immediately mobs him with comfort just as he has done every single time the wizard is distressed or collapsed with exhaustion without thinking because that is what their bond is like, incredibly close and far more than the Soul Bond mark that connects them together. They’re very alike in that regard, you have to earn the right to touch while equally knowing exactly what form the other needs the most in that precise moment in a way very few others could.

Bar the moment of figuring out that an illusion is in place to hide where the Order is opening the Genesis Seals and the brief insistence on reconnecting with Nari somehow Douxie manages to forget everything that makes him who he is after this point choosing to stand in the background being very no thoughts head empty or can only use the most basic spells of his youthful days not the seasoned master wizard he should be. Nomura is treated like an innocent slip rather than an outright death he did absolutely nothing to prevent (Not to mention the stupid daytime thing) nor seems to care particularly about afterwards yet with Nari’s he’s allowed to openly grieve in a gorgeously animated visual showing how he’d failed to keep her safe despite everything. He did nothing to help here either mind despite allowing himself to be tortured in the same piece of media to keep her safe, just watched another loss happen right in front of his eyes in his conga long line of them.

Then there’s Archie, oh god then there was Archie.

The dragon who even here he’d been shown to have an incredibly close bond with him decides you know what sod that tell him goodbye I’m going to make a joke about having a kingdom now dad and me are trapped in here forever. Douxie on his part looked sad for all of three seconds saying that he hoped he’s happy like it's a pet that wandered out into the world one day and never came back instead of a lifelong companion that has been there for as long as he can remember. He was now completely alone in the world since Zoe was also written out entirely and because every bit of his background had been forgotten about it somehow meant nothing. This wasn’t “I know you miss him, I know you need to grieve but you are running out of time” moment like things had been with Charlie, this was “cool shapeshifting dragon cat is now stuck in a plot hole that’s a shame” with zero pay off or any of the genuine reaction that should have been there or hell even trying to Ohana him back that very second because it never should have happened in the first place. Then even this wasn’t enough somehow, they managed to de-power Douxie even further into uselessness bar the (Admittedly nifty!) sticky feet stunt, the one who fought Skrael and Bellroc to a stalemate was shunted aside with barely a thought and his head would somehow get even emptier.

The one person who knew the danger of time magic the most stood by and said nothing.

The one person who would suffer the most by a reset because the lynchpin to his issues would be asleep if you got it wrong and should have drilled it into Jim’s head the best time to aim for stood by and said nothing.

The one person who had just suffered the loss of his familiar, best friend and only family along with the almost sister like Nari stood by and said nothing.

Then to add further insult to injury the caption when Douxie and Archie is shown says Some go their entire lives living an existence of quiet desperation because every drop of his character growth, his ability to finally start addressing his trauma instilled back in the 12th century, the staff he longed for was instead openly mocked by going “Aww he got his cat friend back how nice!” Everything he’d rightfully earned and had now would be unable to progress until certain criteria are met because it hinges entirely on the Trollhunter going to Merlin’s tomb and there’s only so much your support network of two (One if she’s written out) can do, the root of the majority of his issues all stem from one man.

And this folks is why I’ve been going on multiple rants about Douxie in particular, everyone was hit with the out of character bat to some degree in this film but when they came for him they didn’t just stop after they took his legs out because they wanted him to suffer from something he’s never had any control over to begin with all over again. Abuse survivors deserve better, these characters deserve better and we as viewers deserve far far better writing than we were forced to endure.

#Ooc - Behind the curtains #Rise of the Titans #Rise of the Titans spoilers #RotT Spoilers #RoT spoilers #Wizards #Tales of Arcadia #ToAWizards #Hisirdoux Casperan #Douxie Casperan

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stylistiquements · 3 years

Text

Introduction : three older brothers

𐐪𐑂 Pairing : Sapnap x fem!reader {Playlist} 𐐪𐑂 Summary : When Sapnap learns the news, some questions are resurfacing.

𐐪𐑂 Word count : 1.1k

𐐪𐑂 Warning : none (for once lol)

Masterlist | Next

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・　　 .・゜゜・　　・゜゜・

I’m coming to see you in Florida, your voice plays again and again like it’s some kind of song stuck in the back of Sapnap’s mind.

In the lull of the afternoon, a nest of merriment peaks in the crest of his chest and threatens to overflow, but honestly it’s more a promise than anything; bare feet stomping euphorically against the wooden floor without a hint of withhold and the humid air twirls around his fists as he punches a not so silent victory.

Fifteen years of friendship, two years of longing and four months until the world both crumbles and harmonizes again.

129 days until my best friend comes home, Sapnap processes ecstatic, acidic. Peonies hatch in the depth of his heart, where light shouldn’t reach but still does somehow.

The heel of his palm presses against the phone a little tighter, where your voice ringed high and low just minutes ago. He forgot to ask how long you were planning on staying with him and Dream. Somehow, he forgot how to think about anything else but the fact that, soon, late night texts and virtual calls are to be bad dream-ish flashes. But it’s so easy to put everything behind, so easy to dismiss when you’re about to appear in front of him, soft as a smile and real.

When the celebration falls breathless, Sapnap isn’t sure what to do with himself, throwing his body over the bed that bounces up and down and the movement is so swift he’s left tasting all fuzzy. He’s transported overseas, heart streaming over the sheets. They wrinkle and frame his body like a restless picture.

This could just be a dream, he reasons; he waited so long for you to say those words that, for all he knows, he might have been asleep all along. The threads of lights that escape the window fondle his hair and wash up two soft cheeks and, in an attempt to seal the wish, he closes his eyes and lets the sun flood the back of his eyelids.

What is printed there, between orange light and imaginary shapes, is an old memory that slowly unfolds; a brushed wound on your knee during one of those skateboarding afternoons.

Sapnap huffs. God, you used to love skateboarding so much it drove him crazy.

But it was, after all, his duty to carry you home. Like a princess, you said, eyes sparkling and smile so promising. He whined, complained the whole time about you being heavy, but it didn’t matter; what colored his skin was how important you gave him the opportunity to be. And the truth, although diluted, remains indelible to the passing time.

It’s funny, he recognizes, that the memory decided to collide with this very moment. Just as if a boiling impatience molded itself into a wave of memories. And when the nostalgia fades away, he imagines what it would be like if you were right in front of him; the shape of your eyes and the curve of your smile. Something old, something new, something blue, he thinks ironically, though it probably only makes sense to him.

“What the hell, Godzilla?” The door cracks open and welcomes a swirling breeze. Dream fakes the annoyance, but his tone betrays; boyish amusement. His silhouette intertwines with rays of lights and though his shadow elongates enough to hide Sapnap from the merciless sun of Florida, one glance at the man forces him to squint in order to not be completely blinded. Sapnap tunes into reality once again, heels sinking into the mattress.

“129 days,” he mumbles, willing to answer a question that hasn’t been freed yet, knowing it’s not too much of an answer yet everything he’s capable of for the moment given, still stuck into the ethereal.

“Cryptic,” Dream sighs. His scoff stops when he lies on the bed next to his friend, a small rattle falling out of his lips.

In the interlude, met by two green eyes and the chirping of the birds outside, he gives in, “I haven’t seen y/n in two years and now she’s coming back in 129 days.”

Dream’s head rises effortlessly, unimpressed, little birdie tells Sapnap he probably knew much before he did.

“Then why are you not as happy as you should be?”

“I’m not sure,” Sapnap shrugs. “I mean-- I am, but it’s weird. It’s like super long and super short at the same time.”

Dream’s hovering smile twitches slightly devious, slightly smirk-ish. “Maybe you’ll finally be able to tell her how you feel.”

Betrayal, he noticed the way his lashes flutter when your name is mentioned in a conversation, the way he secretly flusters every once in a while when the boundaries between what is and what could be are drawn too blurry. Sapnap’s eyebrows arch in a hypocritical confusion.

He gulps with a little bit of coyness, “It’s just not the right timing.”

“Things don’t always need to be complicated, you know.”

His jaw clenches in a sour agreement, but to be so desperately in love with his best friend, there is only room for difficulty.

It’s like magnets with the same polarity. Sometimes, too caught up by the pursuit of your own selves, sometimes kept apart by the fear of losing the most precious thing life has given the two of you. And if one second he thinks he could catch a glimpse of hope, too tangled with the force field to think, the next he never even dares to think about it.

“I’ve heard how you interact with each other, being all flirtie flirtie and stuff,” Dream notes high and daringly. The smirk blooms, Sapnap flinches.

“Right, as if. She also has three older brothers, you know? Kinda don’t want my ass to get beaten.”

“You’re being a giant baby.”

“You’re a giant baby,” Sapnap repeats to mock. “Shut up.”

And soon the air is filled with hands aiming to attack each other, weltering between a mound of sheets and choked out laughter. The introspection blows in the wind for a second before reappearing as easy.

Once Dream’s power has made its own point, Sapnap surrenders, “Fine. Oh my god, you’re so annoying. And if I tell her that I’m in love with her and she rejects me, what then?”

Heaving chests and remains of chuckle, the sun fades out for a moment to give them a rest.

“And if you tell her that you’re in love with her and she says ‘me too’, what then?”

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・　　 .・゜゜・　　・゜゜・

Taglist : @open-minded-chip-101 ; @itsoakaa

A/N : I'm so happy to finally post something again I feel like it's been years lol!! Hope you guys appreciated the intro. it's a bit shorter but once again its just the intro and if you're used to the length of the sorcerer's chapters then this is gonna defo be a lot shorter. Anyway lmk what you think!! I think I'm going to publish one part every sunday but can't really promise anything. Until next time (ɔˆ ³(ˆ⌣ˆc)

#sapnap #sapnap smau #129 days #sapnap x reader #sapnap x you #sapnap x y/n #mcyt smau #mcyt x reader #smau #social media au #sapnap series #dsmp sapnap

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bitch-biblioklept · 3 years

Text

The Darkling x f!oc

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 <you are here> Part 7

Chapter-6: Amplifiers

Chapter Summary: Frustrated with Alina's lack of improvement, the Darkling finally found a way to use her powers for his thirst for revenge.

Word Count: 2.1k

(My gif)

The Darkling knew what he had to do, and went to the bitter old woman his mother had become to inform her of such. He still cared about her opinion, no matter how old he’d grown… even if it had bothered him a lot. She wouldn’t react, most likely.

“I have decided to give Alina an amplifier,” He declared once inside the heat of her hut by the lake. “Hopefully we will find the stag.”

Her head snapped in his direction at the mention of the stag. Her dark eyes looked livid. “Of course,” she muttered, half to herself. “I was a fool for thinking for a second that you’d let her have it.”

“The girl is naïve, she can’t control her powers.” He explained. “She will do better with that.”

“I’m not going to let you take control of her powers.” She said with the certainty of a decision. “I know what you are planning to do.”

“How would you?” The Darkling asked, his lips set in a sneer.

“I gave birth to you, boy.” Baghra said. “I know you better than you think I do. She wouldn’t have wanted this.”

“But she isn’t here to stop me now, is she?” Aleksander said. The lump in his throat was suddenly too much. The lakeshore was a bloodbath again. Baghra was silent for too long. “Well?”

“She isn’t,” His mother agreed slowly. “But the least you could do is honor her memory, her mannerisms.”

“She wasn’t a saint mother,” He reminded. “By all means she was the viler and crueler one of the two of us.”

“Not to someone who hadn’t wronged her,” Baghra added.

“I shall avenge her, whether you like it or not, mother.” The Darkling said. He still had a vague memory of the last time he had addressed her as such. Aleksander had been too distraught, everything had happened just so fast… there was no time to tell if it had been reality or a nightmare. Serephina had been assassinated, found lying with her throat slashed, there were others too, her attackers, only one of them was barely breathing by the time he had gotten there.

That was the first time he had used the Cut in the Little Palace grounds, the first time all the young Grisha realized why everyone was so afraid of him. It was the first time his mother looked terrified.

They were supposed to be happy, it was supposed to be a celebrations filled night. But like Serephina used to say in her Suli sayings, some had jinxed their joy. They were to be a family, they were to become parents.

But all of that had been taken away because he was the Darkling and she was Lady Kirigan, and not Aleksander and Serephina.

A light knock at the door brought him out of his thoughts.

Alina appeared in the doorway a second later, looking awkward on finding she interrupted their conversation. “Sorry,” she said.

“In girl, don’t let the heat out.” Baghra declared instead.

The Darkling bowed as a show of courtesy. “How are you Alina?” he asked to be polite.

“I’m fine,” Her voice sounded forced.

“She’s fine!” hooted Baghra. “She’s fine! She cannot light a hallway, but she’s fine.”

The Darkling had to resist the urge to roll his eyes at her words. “Leave her be,” he said instead.

The old woman narrowed her dark eyes at him. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” she decided.

He ran his fingers through his hair in an attempt to alleviate his frustrations. This was not going well. He turned to Alina. “Baghra has her own way of doing things.” He explained to stop himself from snapping at his mother at the moment.

“Don’t patronize me, boy!” she screamed at him. For a second, he was eighteen again, afraid of his mother’s wrath upon finding about his and Serephina’s marriage, and stood up straighter.

He stopped himself in time, remembering he wasn’t the same boy he had been then, not anymore. “Don’t chide me, old woman,” he said in a low, dangerous voice.

There was an intense stare down between the two of them, the tension so thick it could have been sensed even by a donkey. That was until Baghra turned to Alina and said, “The boy thinks to get you an amplifier. What do you think of that, girl?”

He watched as Alina’s face brightened with a smile as if she had heard the most brilliant idea. And for a second, a brief moment, she reminded him of Serephina again, with the curve of her smile and the way her eyes crinkled with joy.

“I think it’s brilliant!” She nearly squealed. And the similarity was gone. Alina was not Serephina, and the differences got more evident as he got to know her better. Serephina’s face had always had a cold mask, much like himself, but he knew how to read her, where to look for in those brown eyes to find the answers. She was a book meant to be read just by him, and him only. Alina’s face was an open book left for everyone to read.

Baghra let out a disgusted sound, and the sound inspired an odd sense of pride in him. Alina was right where he needed her to be.

“Alina, have you ever heard of Morozova’s herd?” he asked.

“Of course she has. She’s also heard of unicorns and the Shu Han dragons,” Baghra said mockingly. If this woman wasn’t his mother, he would have kicked her out by now, but alas.

The Darkling took Alina out of the hut instead, wanting to have one conversation where Baghra didn’t interrupt him at every utterance that came out of his mouth. Though he was aware that she was keeping an eye on everything he was going to do.

“That woman,” he muttered to himself, running his hands all over his face. Then he ran his hands through his hair again, but this time to get the embarrassing image of him hiding behind Serephina to be safe of the rage Juris had upon finding out about the wedding.

“What?” he asked; half-embarrassed by the humor on Alina’s face.

“I’ve just never seen you so … ruffled.” She said.

“Baghra has that effect on people.”

“Was she your teacher, too?”

She was. Of course she was, she was his mother. But she wasn’t just a mother or teacher, she had been through a lot with him, suffered as bad as he had. Perhaps she was the only person alive who would bother to understand Aleksander and not the Darkling. “Yes,” he said in its place. “So what do you know about Morozova’s herd?”

Again she talked about how she had heard children’s stories. Again he told her what he wanted her to, making a passing remark about forgetting how new she was to all this. He was keenly aware of the raven-like gaze Baghra kept on both of them, but he ignored it. Again he was nice to Alina, listening to her talk by the lakeshore when the image of the bloodbath resurfaced. He turned his thoughts to less painful things like how things would have been different had Serephina been here.

After a while, he had had enough and he left. He was desperate for a glass of kvas, or even better, a glass of strong whiskey. The memories wouldn’t just stop invading his head.

So he focused on the night he thought Serephina was going to die.

It was a cold night after a snowstorm, a village in central Ravka that had once been free of the abomination of creation that most people called the Shadow Fold or the Unsea. They had stopped by the village while they were on their way to Fjerda.

There was a pack of large wolves tormenting the villagers, and they had warned them against going out at night. But Serephina had wanted to see them, the wolves. She said something was calling out to her, and that she needed to see the wolves.

And refusing to let her go out in the danger all alone, Aleksander had accompanied her. He was scared, of course. He had always been afraid of the dark but he never showed it, but she knew. He knew that she knew. That was why she had been holding his hand, warming the both of them up to keep them through the night.

It was a little past midnight when Sere had lost hopes of seeing the wolves and they were about to head back, when a deep growl sounded somewhere to their left.

A pair of bright red glowing eyes were fixated on them dangerously. She let go of his hand and shoved him behind herself and then reckoned the alpha wolf closer. Aleksander’s male ego would have been hurt if he weren’t so scared.

The wolf was one of the biggest animals he had ever seen, standing taller and either of them. For a moment he was certain the wolf was one of the Grisha of the old stories, the shape-shifters who couldn’t turn back into their human form after being in their animal form for too long during the first Ravkan war.

Before Aleksander could think of an escape route, Serephina had moved forward, studying the animal. Its dark black fur was blacker than anything he had ever seen, but it gleamed against the white snow under the moonlit canopy. The wolf and the girl regarded each other, assessing the danger.

The wolf leaped in the air with its jaw spread open to attack Serephina faster than he could say, “Stop!” She didn’t leave her ground and raised her hands, shoving them forward with all the force. The wolf fell to the ground as if hit by an invisible wall.

And when her flint sparked up from her sleeve, the cold blue flames scared the large animal. But it got up, shook the snow off its fur and got back into the battle.

Ice, air, fire all of the three elements helped Serephina in her conquest. She even used a bit of the heart rendering powers that she had mastered and paralyzed the wolf, after some of their blood had splattered on the snow, frozen like red pearls.

She walked to the laying wolf, limp in her step from where the wolf had bitten her leg, her hidden knife in hand and stabbed the wolf right where it heart would be. And strangely, the wolf looked proud when she did it, and then raised its paw and scratched it through her chest, right where her heart would be.

Aleksander’s soul left his body in that instant.

The soft glow of moonlight that came from Serephina showed her face, bloodied and contorted in pain, as both their blood flowed freely to the ground, freezing instantly on the snow. The wolf was the first one to close its eyes, the glowing red disappearing.

She fell on the snow next, her breath escaping with a sigh.

He rushed to her side, almost blinded by the brightness of the light she radiated, and cradled her head in his arms, regretting not staying back at their little cave, not being able to convince her to stay, not being able to protect her because of his own fears.

Then her eyes opened, and her thin lips moved, muttering his name. Her eyes glowed bright red, like the wolf’s but the voice was hers, for no one else could ever speak in that musical voice that made him want to drop everything and just listen to her talk all day.

“Sere…” he softly said, tucking her black hair behind her ear.

“I’m fine,” she insisted, and then stood up. Her hair was a mess, her eyes looked tired, but they were back to their brown, and her clothes were ragged, covered in her own blood and the wolf’s, but to him she had never looked more beautiful.

“But the wolf-” he started.

“The wolf is one with me now,” She calmly explained. Her eyes changed to the bright red once again. “I am the wolf and the wolf is me.”

“Like the amplifiers,” he realized.

She smiled. “Let’s go. I’m starving.”

“I hope you don’t eat Grisha for meals now,” He joked.

“I might eat someone if he gets too annoying,” she winked at him and walked away. Aleksander was frozen in his place.

The wolf was old, she knew everything. Serephina had always had an answer to his problems. Things would have been so much better had her and their child were with him right now. He would have been so much happier and maybe they would have been done with the fold by now.

But fate always had other ideas.

#shadow and bone #the darkling #aleksander morozova #general kirigan #ben barnes #general kirigan imagine #shadow and bone imagine #the darkling imagine #the darkling x f!oc #the darkling x reader #general kirigan x oc

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fanmoose12 · 3 years

Text

the devil you know

Сharacters: Hange Zoe, Levi, Moblit Berner, Zeke Yeagar, Armin Arlert

Genres: Action / Drama

Summary: Can you still miss a person, if everything you knew about them was a lie?

Сhapter 2/?

Chapter 1

Her first visitor was - quite unsurprisingly - Moblit.

He brought food, a change of clothes and even books to her. All of them - Hange couldn't help but note - were picked up to suite her interests.

Then he sat down next to her and proceeded to clean the small cut on her cheek, the one she received during the raid on Liberio, when one of the bullets flew almost too close for her to dodge.

"It's just a scratch," she whispered, still unable to meet his gaze. She did not deserve his kindness. She never did.

"It still might get infected," Moblit murmured, applying a soothing balm on the wound. Gentle, he was always so gentle with her. So patient too. Hange’s eyes started to sting.

"And why do you care?" she asked, staring at the wall in front of her. "Don't you..." she closed her eyes, wincing. Why did she care? He was an enemy, the devil of Paradise, and yet— yet her heart still squeezed painfully and her stomach was in knots. "Don't you hate me?"

Moblit sighed, putting away the med kit. He rose up from his kneeling position and joined her on a small prison bed.

"I tried," he confessed softly. "I tried hating you, so hard and for so long but I just… couldn't. You know when Captain Levi broke the news of your betrayal..." he chuckled quietly, running a hand through his hair. "I started crying. I thought how could you do that, after those years we've spent fighting side by side, how could lie to us like this? But then..."

"Then?" Hange echoed, her voice wavering.

"Then I remembered our first expedition," Moblit smiled. "The one where I almost got eaten. You saved me back there. Nearly got your hand bitten off but you saved me, and that made me realize, you didn't lie, not always anyways. You're an extraordinary person, Hange-san, but I don't think even you can pretend like this all the time. All these nights I carried you to your room after you fell asleep in your office and you murmured 'thanks' against my shirt, all these evenings we and the guys from our squad got drunk at the bars, all these times you made sure to check on me, when I got myself into infirmary, finding the time to do so, despite your crazy schedule... I know all of this wasn't a lie, it couldn’t be.”

He paused for a moment, staring at her with the same devotion he always did, the one that always made Hange’s throat go dry, because she had never deserved it. She – a traitor and a liar – never deserved Moblit’s kindness and affection. But even now, he didn’t seem to understand it.

“I can't hate you, Hange-san,” he murmured softly, “because I know that this betrayal hurt you as much as it did all of us."

He touched her hand, briefly squeezing it, and when Hange looked up, surprised that her vision is clouded, Moblit wiped off her unshed tears and gave her another kind smile.

"I'll come back in the evening. Please tell me if you need anything else. I can go to your room..."

"My room?" Hange startled. "You haven't cleared it out yet?"

Haven't they destroyed everything there - burned all of her papers and smashed all of her samples? Why not?

"Captain Levi forbade us from doing so," Moblit replied, and that seemingly simple revelation had Hange’s heart beating madly. Her shocked expression didn’t go unnoticed by Moblit. He chuckled heartily, muttering something to himself.

"Good day, Hange-san," he said at last, leaving her to deal with the bewildering news on her own.

***

Armin came to her next.

For the longest time, he just sat there, fiddling with something small, enclosed in his hands and out of her sight.

Hange ignored him, pretending to read one of Moblit's books and watching him from the corner of her eyes, waiting for Armin to speak up.

Was it his method of manipulation? If so, it wasn't working.

But as the silence stretched on, becoming tenser with each second, Hange struggled not to squirm in her seat. What was the meaning of this? What was he waiting for? And then, when she was ready to speak up and ask what the fuck he wanted with her, Armin finally looked up.

He rose to his feet and hid the mysterious object inside his jacket before Hange could see what it was.

"I'll have tea brought for us,” he announced. “Just wait for a minute."

"It's not like I can go anywhere," Hange muttered, rolling her eyes.

“Just a minute,” Armin repeated with a nervous laugh, and then hurriedly left.

Once the tea was brought, Armin let himself inside the cell.

"There you go," he murmured, handing Hange a white porcelain cup. It was one of the best that the scouts had, Hange knew that this tea set was only used for that rare instances, where they had to hold meetings with the highest members of the brass. And Armin decided to use this set to have a tea party with her? The hospitality was making her uncomfortable. Was that Armin’s intention too?

She accepted the cup, looking at the boy over its rim. "How are Gabi and Falco?"

"Don't worry," Armin smiled. "No harm will come their way. Their cell is not... as luxurious as yours is,” he gestured to the bed, desk and even small bookshelf that stood inside. “But they're in good hands, you can trust me on that."

"Thank you," Hange nodded and drank from the cup. Her eyes opened wide as she tasted the familiar sweet flavor. How did he—

"You should try biscuits too," Armin the pushed the plate closer to her. Hange glanced at them. Just as the tea, those biscuits were her favorite.

"We used to do it a lot, remember?" Armin said, easily deciphering the reason for her surprise. "With Mikasa, Eren and the rest of your squad..."

"I remember," Hange quietly answered. She took another sip, her throat suddenly going too dry.

Was this all a part of his plan? To make her feel as the most disgusting piece of shit in the world? Armin shouldn’t have bothered. She was quite good at it herself.

"Good times, eh?" Armin chuckled, putting a hand under his chin. “Those evening at the barracks… You told us so many things, had us hanging onto your every word. You had enough passion in you to carry on for the whole night, but Captain Levi never let us stay for too long…”

“Is that the reason for your visit?” Hange snapped, interrupting him. Every word from his mouth was making her more and more angry. She didn't need some barely adult to lecture her, trying to make her feel bad. What did he want to achieve with that? Make her realize how awful she is? She knew that already. “Did you come here to reminisce about the good old days? Don’t you have anything better to do, Armin?”

"Sorry," weird, but Armin looked genuinely apologetic. Was he always that good of an actor? Or did he learn the skill of deceit after she left? "It wasn't my intent to stir... some unwanted memories. I didn't come here for this. I actually... wanted to ask a question."

"Ask away," Hange allowed, crossing arms on her chest.

"I've been thinking about this a lot," Armin began, playing with a cup's handle. Looking like that – with his head bowed and his eyes cast down, he reminded Hange of the boy she knew four years ago. She almost believed in his sincerity. “Reiner and Berthold, Annie... they wanted to kill Eren. At the very least, take him away. Why haven't you attempted something like this? You had more than enough opportunities. Why didn't you use them?"

Why didn't she indeed. Deep down, Hange knew an answer to this question. But since she wasn't only a piece of shit, but a coward as well, she wasn’t ready to admit it, even to herself. And she sure as hell wasn’t going to admit to Armin too.

She had an answer for him, though. A reason she fabricated to placate her superiors and give herself at least some peace of mind.

"I've never seen an Attack Titan. Kruger died before I became a part of Titan Research Society. And..." she shrugged, and put on a bright smile, her only mask and best defense. "I wanted to study him so much that I was willing to ignore my duty."

"And thunder spears?" Armin asked. "Without them, we would have lost at Shiganshina. Why did you create them?"

"Same reason," she took a biscuit in her hands, biting into it. Her lie was so good, she herself started believing in it. "I was too fascinated by your technology. Couldn't pass the opportunity to find out what your natural resources are capable of."

"Ever the scientist?" something very close to admiration shone in Armin's big blue eyes. Hange quickly looked away, not giving her guilt an opportunity to resurface. She’d have time for that later, when left alone. “Thank you for your answer, Hange-san.”

“Is that all you’ve wanted to ask?”

“No,” Armin shook his head. He shifted his eyes back down, staring into his cup. He slowly span the spoon, lost in thought.

“I know it’s unwise,” he stated, tone uncharacteristically firm for a boy Hange once knew. “And I know that others may not… agree with me on this, but I wasn’t supposed to be in this position. Commander Erwin left it to you, you’re his true successor and I…”

Couldn’t be, Hange thought. Was it another one of his games?

“Are you asking for an advice, Armin?”

“I…” he chuckled, nervously ruffling his hair. “I guess I am. It’s just— everyone looks up to me now, thinking I’ve got all the right answers, but I don’t even know what the question is supposed to be. I’m trying to deal with the mess that the attack on Liberio caused, and now everyone is coming after me for putting Eren in jail, and—” Armin rubbed his face, his shoulders sagging. Hange started to feel sorry for the boy, she could only imagine how hard it was to call shots during times like this. “After you… left, I thought I’ve learnt my lesson. I thought I knew that you can’t trust everyone. But Eren isn’t just someone, he’s my best friend.”

I was someone’s best friend too once, Hange almost said. She was someone’s best friend too, and then she betrayed him.

Would he ever be able to forgive me, she wondered.

No, Hange shut that train of thoughts immediately. He wouldn’t. He was too smart to be that kind.

“He’s a family,” Armin solemnly continued, breaking her out of the reverie. “But after what he’s done in Liberio… I can’t even look him in the eyes.”

“He changed,” Hange said, as softly as she could. She contemplated covering Armin’s hand with hers, but she doubted he’d allow it. “People do that sometimes.”

“Yes,” Armin nodded. “I’m… learning to accept that.”

“I know you still care about him. You always will.”

She will always care about him too. God, she was pathetic. A spy and a traitor and she couldn’t do even that properly, forgetting the most important rule of ‘do not get attached’.

“But you can’t trust Eren anymore,” Hange told him.

Talking about trust? Well, wasn’t she a hypocrite. Another one of her many, many flaws.

“I know,” he sadly agreed. “But Eren is not the only one, who worries me. There is also a matter of Zeke Yeager…” Armin reminded.

She smashed the biscuit in her fist. Zeke, the bastard had played them all. And to think she used to admire him… More than just admire him.

“Don’t let Eren and Zeke converse,” she warned grimly. “Under any circumstances. Knowing what Zeke is capable of, and witnessing what Eren is capable of, it would be best if you separate them.”

“Separate them…” Armin mumbled, biting his thumb.

“Get Zeke out of the inner city,” Hange advised. “As far as you can. Perhaps…” she scratched her chin, thinking. “Perhaps, have him hidden in the Forest of Giant Trees.”

“Huh… that’s a very sound idea,” Armin slowly nodded, some tension leaving his body. That bright light returned to his eyes, and Hange relaxed at the sight of it. Seeing some of his worries disappear made her feel just a tiniest bit better about herself. “I can appoint Captain Levi as Zeke’s guardian, he won’t be able to make a single move then.”

“You do that.”

Just at the mention of him, all of her good mood had disappeared. It was a good thing that Armin decided to get him out of the city too. Perhaps, her heart wouldn’t get completely shattered then.

“Thank you so much,” Armin finally smiled, looking up at Hange.

With his puffy cheeks and big, bright eyes, he looked young, she couldn’t help but note. He was still just a boy. And already he had a burden on his shoulders Hange wasn’t sure she herself would be able to carry.

“I know it may not mean much to you, but you’re doing good, Armin. He—” Hange paused, clearing her throat. She still couldn’t say hisname. Commander Erwin Smith was an enemy, a biggest threat to their mission. But at the same time… he was a man she followed for five years of her life. He was a man she admired like no other. Erwin Smith was a friend.

And she missed him terribly.

“He would have been proud of you,” she finished hoarsely.

“Hange-san,” Armin rose, laying a hand on her shoulder. “I didn’t know Commander Erwin as much as you did, but I think… I think he would have forgiven you. If that’s any consolation, I already did.”

Fuck. Hange turned her face away, hiding her eyes. Starting with memories of their time years ago, bringing up Erwin, forgiving her… Was Armin so determined to make her cry?

“Thank you for your time,” Armin said at last, leaving the cell.

As soon as the door closed after him, she left the tears flow.

***

Then came Sasha. Naturally, with Connie in tow.

With wide eyes Hange stared at the variety of meals the pair brought inside her cell.

"Um..." she gawked at it, feeling utterly lost. "What is this?"

"It's food!" Sasha beamed.

"Yeah, I can see that but... What's the occasion?"

"I just thought they don't feed you in here," Sasha answered, skeptically looking Hange over. "It doesn't look like they do. You seem thinner than before."

The sight of Sasha with hands on her hips and her lips pressed together in displeasure made Hange feel inexplicably warm. She desperately tried to fight off a smile, but in Sasha's presence it proved to be an almost impossible feat.

Ah, well, she was always her favorite...

"Moblit takes care of my meals actually."

He came to her every morning and evening, bringing warm food and engaging conversations. His quiet, soft voice was the only respite from the demons in her head.

"Pfft," Sasha rolled her eyes. "And you're calling that food? This is food!" she gestured at the plates they’ve carried inside. "Just try it, Hange-san, it's delicious!"

"It's from Niccolo!" Connie said, grinning just as brightly. "He's a real master."

"And our friend!" Sasha added.

“Something more than a friend for Sasha," Connie corrected.

Red hue instantly appeared on Sasha's cheeks, and Hange couldn't resist anymore - she snickered in her palm.

"Let's eat before it gets cold," Sasha muttered, avoiding everyone's eyes.

As she busied herself with serving the table, Hange exchanged a look with Connie. The boy winked. Hange hid a smile.

As they ate, Sasha and Connie entertained Hange with stories of their everyday life. They told her about the time they pulled a prank on Jean and almost made him believe he grew ten inches taller overnight and spoke of an arm wrestling match between Mikasa and Levi that Levi, to his immense shame, had lost.

They talked so animatedly, described everything with such vivid details that Hange felt like she actually had been present when all of it had happened.

Truthfully, she desperately wanted to.

"Thanks for the meal, guys," breathing heavily, Hange sat back in a chair. She turned her face away, unable to even stare at the food. Sasha was right, the food Moblit brought her - as good as it was - didn't compare to Niccolo's. As a result, she was completely stuffed. "It was delicious."

"And talking with you had been fun," Connie said.

"It's good to see you again," Sasha admitted with a kind smile that warmed Hange’s heart.

Sasha and Connie managed to make feel better than she had been in days since Liberio. Truth be told, they made her feel better than she had been since leaving the island all these years ago.

The kids rose from their seats, moving in perfect sync.

Just like twins, Hange thought with another smile.

They moved around the table, picking up the plates.

"You go, Sasha," Connie spoke as soon as they finished. "I'll catch up with you."

"Eh?" Sasha frowned. "What do you—"

"Go," he gave her a push, still refusing to meet her gaze. "I need a moment with Hange-san."

"And why must you throw me away..." Sasha complained , shaking her head. She gave Connie another look, filled with suspicion, huffed in annoyance and then walked out of the dungeons, leaving them alone.

Connie waited until the sound of a large metal door closing was heard and then looked up at Hange.

"Hange-san," the boy seemed a bit nervous. Hange wondered about the reason for a sudden change in his demeanor. She wanted to ask, but Connie suddenly appeared beside her. Without giving her time to react, he wrapped his arms around her. Hange stood still, not knowing how to react. "Thank you for saving Sasha,” he whispered. “I don't know what I would have done without her."

Oh god, again? Were those kids going to make her cry again? She had to resist it. She was a Marleyan soldier, one of the strongest and toughest they had. She could do it.

But then Connie had the gall to press his forehead to her shoulder, sniffling quietly, and Hange felt her resolve shutter.

She quickly wiped at her eyes. "I'm glad I managed to get there in time,” she said, more honest that she had been in a long time. “This world would have lost a lot of light if Sasha was gone."

"My world would be completely dark," Connie agreed, letting go of her. He took a step back, looking at Hange with a wistful smile that reminded her that he wasn’t the same naive boy anymore. None of them were. "Thank you again. I meant it when I say it’s good to have you back. We’ve all missed you terribly, Hange-san.”

Thankfully, he left before her face became covered in tears once again.

***

Jean came to her too. Many times, actually. He paced around the cell, he touched the bars, pulled on them.

But he never entered.

He tried to be sneaky about it too, coming down to the dungeons well after midnight. But his steps were too heavy, and Hange was a spy, and before that – a soldier. She was trained to be a light sleeper practically since birth.

However, she said nothing. Giving him the time he needed was the least she could do. Besides, she knew Jean. The boy was not a coward, she knew he’d certainly come around.

And on the fourth day since the Raid on Liberio, he finally did.

He marched inside her cell, looking like a man going to war.

"Why did you do it?" he slammed his hands on the table, right under Hange's nose.

She slowly looked up from a book she was reading. "You have to be more specific, Jean. I did a lot of things."

"Sasha!" he said with barely conceived rage. "Why did you save her?"

Hange put the book down and crossed her legs at the ankles. She looked at Jean carefully, raising an eyebrow. "You didn't want me to?"

"That's not it!" Jean growled. He shook his head and then continued in a much calmer voice. "You know that's not what I meant.”

Plopping down on a chair next to Hange, he hid his face in his hands and took a deep breath. "I just don't understand it..." he muttered. "We probably wouldn't have hurt those kids even if they did harm Sasha. So why did you do it? Why did you save her?"

Hange sighed. The answer was fairly simple. But everything it entailed – not so much.

"I didn't want her to die."

Jeans studied her pensively. "Isn't that what every Marleyan wishes for? To kill as much Eldians as they can? They sent you here with the same reason, no?"

Hange gave him a sharp look. "No. My mission was to survey and investigate. I wasn't ordered to harm or kill you."

Truth was - she probably wouldn't be able to, even if ordered.

Getting too soft, Zoe, a voice that resembled Zeke's sneered in her head. Hange ignored it, swatting it away like an irritating fly.

"God, you really are making this so hard for me," Jean mumbled, shaking his head.

"What exactly?"

"Hating you," Jean replied. "I spent four years hating you. You and Berthold and Annie and Reiner... I despised them for betraying us, for lying and pretending, but you... Your betrayal shook me to the core. I thought I was ready for it, you know?" he looked at her, staring right into her eyes and showing her all of his raw emotions. Hange hated herself just a little more for causing him so much distress. "I thought that after Reiner and Berthold, nothing can hurt me. But I trusted you so much. I respected and admired you. Between unwavering Commander Erwin and aloof Captain Levi, I thought you're the only one who gives a damn about us."

Hange stared back at him, not knowing what to say. Tell him that he wasn't wrong? That, despite everything - her orders, her beliefs and upbringing - she still cared? A lot of good her care did.

“I looked up to you, you know?" Jean continued, gazing up at the ceiling with a bitter smile. "Thought you're a real badass. Well, you still are, for what it's worth. Managed to fool us all, I couldn't believe it, when Captain told us that you left. No one could. Commander Erwin even wanted to call off the expedition to Shiganshina."

Erwin wanted to call off the expedition? The stoic, cold-blooded Erwin? She had trouble believing it was true.

And her heart was having trouble shouldering all that pain. She really was a piece of shit, wasn’t she? She played with their feelings, betrayed those, who actually cared about her, and for what? For a nation whose only motivation was greed, for a war that was justified solely by prejudices?

“He didn’t name another successor, by the way,” Jean revealed. “Technically, we still don’t have a Commander. I guess no one could fill those shoes, except you.”

“Please,” Hange scoffed. “I would have done a terrible job.”

“You’re selling yourself too short,” Jean protested, shaking his head. “Commander Erwin himself believed in you. That's gotta count for something."

"Erwin didn't know me."

It was Jean's turn to scoff. "Are we talking about the same Erwin Smith? The myth, the legend?" he rolled his eyes. "He may not know everything, but he knew you. Enough to entrust his legacy to you. You're not as bad as I was making you out to be, Hange-san. Actually," Jean tilted his head, his eyes softening. "You're not as bad as you think you are."

Hange turned her face away, hiding from his intent gaze. Jean’s words stroke a chord she didn’t she think she still possessed. So pathetic. After all these years, and she still yearned for acceptance.

"You never did any harm to us,” Jean went on. “Never hurt us, at least not physically. You helped us a lot actually. Your research and inventions… Have you realized what you were doing? I think some part of you certainly has."

"Besides, after all that shit that's been going on, we can't exactly be called good guys either,” he sighed, pushing the hair back from his face. “Maybe, you and I have more in common that I'd like to think.”

Again, Hange was at a loss for words. Should she thank him for making her feel better? No, she was already pitiful enough.

"Just something to think about," Jean finished, getting to his feet.

He fixed his uniform, brushing the invisible dust from his shoulders. Hange stole a glance at him, marveling at how much he had changed. If she had been his commander, she’d be so proud of him. He had grown into a smart, kind man. Perhaps, a little too kind, she thought, recalling their conversation.

"I've never thought I'd say this," just before leaving, Jean turned to Hange, his hand gripping the bar of her cell. "But I'm glad our paths have crossed again. It looks like there are still lots of things I can learn from you."

***

At last, Levi came.

Hange didn't hear him enter the dungeons. She was in the middle of reading a book when she got a strange, prickling feeling. She looked up, almost jumping as she instantly met Levi's grey eyes. They seemed especially cold this time. Have they always been like this? She was sure they weren’t. At least, not when they were directed at her.

As their gazes connected, he said nothing. He continued to watch her, and the weight of his gaze was so heavy, she felt like she couldn't breathe.

"Erwin is dead," he finally said. Impossible, but his eyes became even colder. "Killed at Shiganshina. Did you know that?"

"I read the report."

She wasn't present at the battle, Zeke had advised against that.

"It's too dangerous for you, Professor," he had said. "Attack Titan, Ackermans and those scouts, it would be best if you sit this one out. It'd be a shame if we lost a mind as brilliant as yours. Besides," his lips curled into smirk then, a knowing glint appearing in his eyes. To this day, Hange wasn't sure if he had been joking or not. "You lived with them for so long, your feelings are compromised. I'm sure you're filled with desire to kill them all."

Funny thing, Hange thought back then. Because if she had been thrusted into that battle - she wasn't sure she'd be able to fight for the side she was supposed to.

"In a report?" Levi sneered. "Your buddy Zeke must have bragged to hell and back about it."

Levi's words, even filled with so much distain and mockery, weren't that far from the truth. The voyage back to Marley had not been a happy affair. They almost lost Zeke, they almost lost Reiner, they've lost Berthold. Sweet, timid Berthold, Hange liked him so much. After Pieck's titan, his colossal was the most intriguing test subject. Soft and caring Bertold died, and she could only imagine how hard it was for Reiner. The poor boy didn’t speak throughout the whole journey back home.

“After being away for so long, you’d think he’d be happy that the mission is finally over,” Pieck noted, whispering her observations in Hange’s ear. “But then again,” she turned to her, her sharp eyes narrowing ever so slightly. “You don’t look so excited either.”

Hange paid her no mind then, even if Pieck had suspected something, what of it? She was going home, and those Eldians – those people she lived with for five years – didn’t matter anymore. But Reiner did, and Hange watched him, intently, wondering what she could do to make him feel better. She wanted to comfort him, she even approached him and words "I know how it feels" almost slipped down her tongue. But she stopped herself at the very last moment. I know how it feels. Did she really?

She lost people before - a tall blonde man with a goofy smile who gave the best hugs, a blond woman with the most infectious laughter, the adorable petite girl who always looked at her with stars in her eyes, a cheerful young man in glasses who copied most of her gimmicks, the serious brunette who followed her every command - with every loss a part of her soul died, but could she really call them friends? They did not know her, and if they did, they would have never accepted her.

He wouldn’t have accepted you too, a malicious voice whispered in her ear.

The proof of that statement was staring her down at the very same moment.

Unable to escape Levi’s seething gaze, Hange remembered what Zeke had told her then, when she regrouped with them at Shiganshina.

“You did not mention those scouts are that crazy. To sacrifice so many people just for a chance of victory?” Zeke had scoffed, cleaning his glasses. “I just can’t understand it.”

You never will, Hange thought back then. Those brave, young soldiers. Her heart bled for them.

“And that Ackerman,” he continued. “To think they call me a beast titan. I thought I was done for. All that rage and blind hatred and all of it because of some Commander.”

“Erwin Smith.”

“What?”

“His name was Erwin Smith,” Hange repeated, her voice brimming with emotion. She blinked away tears. She would not cry, not right now. Not when Zeke was looking at her so closely. “And he wasn’t just some Commander.”

She left Zeke’s side quickly afterwards, afraid that she’d be unable to hold back her own rage. Some Commander? Erwin was much more than that. Even as Marleyan, she was able to understand that.

“Did you know about Mike too?” Levi asked, pushing himself off the wall he was leaning against. “And about Nanaba?”

She did, of course, she did. Zeke had sent her the letter, retelling everything he did to Mike in horrid, morbid details. Reading that letter, Hange struggled not to throw up. She could almost hear his screams, could almost see the horror in his eyes.

To not be simply eaten by a titan, but getting torn apart by them? Hange couldn’t imagine a fate more horrible.

The terror of it all didn’t leave her for the longest time. It was only in his arms – in Levi’s strong, gentle arms – that she managed to find some respite. She hated herself for it, but when he wiped her tears with his lips, whispering soft, soothing words in her ear, she could almost pretend to forget.

“And about Ragako?”

Amidst her inner turmoil, Hange missed the moment when Levi entered the cell. Now he was standing right beside her, looming over with dark, angry expression.

“Did you know about those people? About what was going to happen to them?” Levi wasn’t an expressive man, but his eyes showed it all. In a life where she pretended to be a mad scientist and a survey corps’ squad leader, she prided herself at being one of the few, who could read those eyes. But she could see nothing inside them right now. Levi’s face was completely blank, his emotions closed off. “Did you know what was going to happen to Connie’s mother?”

That was it, the final nail in her coffin.

And to think that just the other day, the boy was thanking her. Her, who condemned his mother, who destroyed his home.

Hange closed her eyes, taking a deep, shaky breath. She gripped the chair under her tightly, quelling the trembling. She would not break, not in front of him.

“What do you want, Levi?” she glanced at him beneath her hair. “What do you wish to hear? That I reveled in every death? That I sneaked out to the island to dance at Erwin’s grave?”

Levi pressed his lips in a line, a deep scowl forming on his forehead.

It was the same expression he had when looking at Zeke, Hange realized.

She thought her heart couldn’t break anymore. Apparently, he was wrong.

“I’m just wondering,” he said. “If there was ever anything sincere in you. Have you even felt something? After all these deaths, do you at least feel guilty?”

“If that’s what you think of me?” she looked him in the eyes, surprised to see something coming alive inside them. “If I’m a monster you think I am, what was the point of bringing me here? Why haven’t you just killed me? Surely that would have given you some peace of mind.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Levi surged forward, grabbing her by the collar. His grey eyes bore in hers with intensity that she had rarely seen. Inside them was an emotion she couldn’t quite decipher. “Shut your stupid mouth, four-eyes. Do you really not get it? After everything you put me through, after all these fucking lies, I’d still rather die than harm you.”

He pushed her away, turning on his heels and storming out of the cell. To the sound of his quick, heavy steps, Hange slowly slid to the ground. Her knees gave under her, as she realized – it was not anger that she had seen in Levi’s eyes.

It was pain.

“Fuck,” she murmured, hiding her face in her hands.

#devils of paradise harass the poor marleyan and make her feel things #that's it that's the chapter #levihan

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morgansmoreid · 3 years

Text

Do You Still Love Me • Derek Morgan • Chapter Nine

Chapter Name: " Reasonable"

Fic Masterlist

Italic writing stands for flashbacks.

Content/Trigger Warnings: Parental Abuse, Drugs Mention, Homophobia

Bold Writing stands for what happened at the station while Y/n was not present

---

One step.

Two steps.

Three steps.

Four.

Y/n's feet clacked against the concrete floor.

Rubbing the palm of her hand against the outline of the pills, Y/n moved along the cars as she slowly walked to the station, this time her mind as empty as an open field.

The station was in her view quicker than anticipated. She pulled open the front door, the bell above it causing everyone who was in ear's views to turn their heads. Scanning each face carefully, relief swayed through Y/n as no face was anyone she dreaded to talk to.

Her relief was cut short as Aaron walked down the hall to her left with the team, her father, and James.

"That was all we needed to know," She heard him say as Aaron shook her father's hand.

James was the first to see her, alerting the rest of the people surrounding him by clearing his throat. Y/n made eye contact with James, her breaking first as her eyes fell to her feet. Thoughts of turning around and sprinting on her heels again popped in Y/n's head, but she ignored them and just looked to the floor.

"Y/n Y/L/N-Fields, please come with us." Emily moved from the center of the group and to Y/n, reaching out her hand to lead Y/n the way of the interrogation room. Y/n took it, keeping her head down as they walked past the group, eyes burning through her back as the pills in her pocket scream her name.

Emily opens the door and lets Y/n take a seat before heading outside again. Everyone is looking at the young female through the one-sided window, their eyes still leaving the same burning gaping hole.

Aaron and David come in, both faces stoic and tense. In hand, Aaron has a yellow pad and a pee cup while David has a blood test. Y/n's eyes grow wide at the objects placed in front of her before she sits up straight and lays her hands on the table.

"You aren't drug testing me." She says, her tone assertive but calm.

"But we are," David replies, looking over to Aaron.

"You understand that this is a federal investigation now? If you comply, these samples will not go on record but will be used for further inference. If you don't, they will go on your job record and you will be on leave effective immediately." Aaron threatened, leaving Y/n no choice.

"I'm clean." She mumbled as she rolled her sleeve for the blood test. Even if she wasn't, it wouldn't show for another 2 days, so it would be negative anyway.

Aaron said nothing as he opened the blood kit and wiped Y/n's inner arm with a sanitary wipe. Y/n winced at the needle entering her arm, the pain lasting as blood filled four tubes. Placing a bandaid on her arm, Aaron disposed of the needle in a different bag before opening the door and handing it to a hand outside.

Y/n may have not seen the person who took the bag, but she saw Derek. He was leaning against the wall across from the door, arms crossed. They made eye contact, this time neither one breaking it, just before the door closed.

"Do you need water?" David's voice pulled Y/n out of her thoughts.

Yes. Her throat was dry and scratchy.

Yes. Water would go well with the pills in her pocket.

"No thank you," Y/n looks up to David. He gives her the look of pity and sorrow and she feels herself hanging on by a thread.

"Come with me then," David holds the look as he turns around, cup in hand, and opens the door for Y/n.

Walking out, Y/n and David turn to the right from the small room while the team and others are on the left. David stands outside of the unisex bathroom as Y/n pees in the given cup. Washing her hands, Y/n stares at herself in the mirror.

Her eyes are red and her arm is now in pain. She feels like she's in one of those bad teenage romcoms, where the main character fucks up her life and in the end, it gets better. She's just waiting for her cue.

The silence lasts in the bathroom as Y/n bags her cup and places it on the small window ledge. She could run right now if she wanted to, but it wouldn't be worth it. Y/n turns on the bathroom faucet again and pulls out the baggie of pills from her pocket. 7 white tablets look at her as she takes one into her hand and shoves the rest back into hiding.

Just before she could bring her hand to her mouth and consume the evil, little miraculous wonder, David knocked on the door causing her to drop the pill in fright. Right into a puddle of "water," the pill went as Y/n hissed at the closed brown door.

"Fuck!" Her words echoed in the small room.

"Y/n? Is everything ok in there?" David's voice is muffled on the other side.

Instead of answering him, Y/n grabs the cup and pushes open the door, slamming the cup into the elder's hand and walking back into the integration room. She passes everyone, this time not bothering to even acknowledge Derek's presence, or his attempt to talk to her.

She slacks down in her seat and waits for the next person to walk through the door. It's Aaron again, with Penelope's laptop and a tape recorder in hand as he carries a file in his armpit.

"Before we start, shall I address you as Fields or Y/L/N?" Aaron precautions.

"Y/L/N, and only Y/L/N," Y/n says, voice cold as ice.

"Ok then, for the record, can you please state your full name, your age, and the year?" The first question leaves Aaron's lips.

"My name is Y/n Y/L/N, I am 29, and it's the year 2008."

Hotch scribbles Y/n's words down and opens the laptop. When he turns it to her, it's already open to a cheer photo from Y/n's sophomore year of high school.

"Please state who you recognize in this photo." Aaron opens the file that was once under his arm.

Eyes read the screen multiple times as the memories resurface in Y/n's head and the names leave her mouth.

"Sabrina Chains, Joanna McCarter, Daisy Miller, Rose Henry, Arianna Anderson, Megan Smith, Daniela Choi, Christina Middleton, and Catarina Paredes."

It's not in order, Sabrina is actually next to Daisy and Joanna is standing next to Daniela, but when Y/n recognized the face, she said the name.

"And who is this?" Aaron hits the right arrow key to move to the next slide. Y/n is horrified by what she sees. It's not another group picture or even a single picture of one of the women, it's a crime scene photo.

It's Arianna's crime scene photo, the only crime Y/n wasn't surrounded by the group for. The hotel room is way messier than others, the behavior completely changed from the last 3. Blood is everywhere, money and jewelry are splattered across the floor and there are no numbers on top of the body or anywhere for that matter. If the other kills weren't personal, this was. Arianna was killed by someone in rage and mixed emotion.

Just how Y/n left the team.

She can only look at the gruesome crime scene for so long until she reaches for the hood of the laptop to shut it off. Aaron is quicker and pulls it out of her sight as he switches to another picture of the crime scene, this time the bathroom.

Two looks and Y/n is ready to throw up. She trained for this, she worked her ass off for the last 5 years on how to keep her composure, yet, she's failing to keep herself together. The bathroom is a mess, clothes are ripped and makeup is smeared on walls, this unsub lost control or this is a new killer. Either way, it's not Y/n and there is no way that the team can possibly deem her that low.

"Please turn it off." Her voice is tense and demanding.

Aaron does shut the laptop and turns it to him. He takes a minute to write down his observations and proceeds with the integration further.

"When you left the Police Station, you were gone for 2 hours and 13 minutes, where did you go?" He asks, writing down the question as he says it.

"James, where is she?" David asks, handing Spencer a miniature Newton's cradle to calm him down.

Everyone looks at James for an answer. After Y/F/N was questioned, he and James were separated for the sake of the case. James was working on a different case file, wrapping it up on the end of the conference table while the team focused on Y/n.

"I'm not positively sure," James lied, rubbing the back of his neck as his handwriting started to get sloppy against the manila folder and its contents inside.

"Well, where do you think?" Derek spoke, his tone snappy and agitated.

After Y/F/N gave up his truth about Y/n's past and her drug problems, Derek was also questioned, not officially, just about how much he knew and what he wasn't letting on. Derek was honest with Hotch and the team, telling them he had no idea about Y/n's problem. Yes, it was true sometimes it intrigued him when they had date night and she never drank anything besides sparkling water, but when she blamed it on "past issues," he assumed it ran in the family.

He assumed because he trusted her.

And she broke that.

"Michael? The guy that Chief Fields couldn't stand? He lived right over here." James gets up and points to the computer screen. Y/n's last coordinates were still up so he dragged his pen across the screen, measuring out the distance for the team as he landed on the only colorful house in satellite view.

"I thought Michael was who introduced her into the drugs in the first place?" Aaron walks over to James.

"It's not really his fault, I've always told Y/n that she could've said no," James responds, becoming silent from everyone's glare at him.

"Saying no isn't easy," Derek mumbles, so low, no one heard him.

No one could say anything as another policeman came into the room frantically about a new body.

Y/n had only been gone 34 minutes at most. There was no way it could be her so quickly, but that didn't stop everyone's thoughts from going to the deep end.

As the team flies into the SUVs, Aaron orders Penelope to keep watch on Y/n's coordinates and dig very thoroughly of the lives of the 9 women, 5 now potential victims.

"Someone has it out for these women, and I wouldn't put it past that Y/n is the glue." He said, tightening his holster.

"I just walked around, took time to clear my head." Y/n lied.

Everyone knew where she was, but Aaron didn't call her out on her false truth and asked the next question.

"When was the last time you purchased any narcotics of the sort, Opioids, Cannabinoids, Hallucinogens, and or Stimulants?" Aaron asked, unsure he wanted to hear the answer himself.

"Last time I was in town, 5 years ago." Y/n lies again.

This time, half of the team is unsure if it's true. James knows deep down it's a lie, but the rest of them don't want to believe it.

So Aaron doesn't push.

"And the last time you consumed any of the narcotics listed before?"

This question, everyone wants the truth, everyone is determined to figure out if they let another team member sink into their addiction before their eyes or if Y/n truly did put her life here behind her.

"As I said, last time I was in town, 5 years ago," Y/n says, her tone changing. It speaks of truth, which tells everyone, even her father that she lied about the last time she bought drugs and where she was, but they don't care about that at this moment.

All they care about is her sobriety, they were still her family after all.

Aaron smiles internally as he writes Y/n's answer on the yellow pad, then ripping the sheet off and sliding it underneath the cardboard. When he does this, the next yellow sheet visible is not blank, it's all of Y/F/N's previous questions. The horrible lights make it hard to see all of them but it still shines bright on the first one.

"What was discipline like as Y/n grew up?" Aaron asks his first question.

The question throws Y/F/N off guard. That had nothing to do with the investigation, what did the FBI want to know about his parenting?

"I believe you were asked a question," David says beside Aaron, arms crossed.

"This has to do what with the investigation?" Y/F/N asked, finally understanding the concept of what he was being asked.

"Agent Hotchner, are you implying that I abused my daughter?" He accused, now not feeling so compliant.

"I didn't say anything to imply, did I, Agent Rossi?" Aaron says loud and clear, bringing the tape recorder to him.

"Not at all, but I think you should repeat it, someone seems confused," Rossi taunted.

"Y/F/N Fields, what was discipline like as Y/n, your daughter grew up?" Aaron demanded an answer.

"Reasonable," Y/F/N said.

"Reasonable how?" Rossi pressed.

"If needed, I taught my daughter wrong from right," Y/F/N replied confidently.

"Did you at any given point in time, use your power as a parent to hit Y/n as a punishment?" Aaron asked bluntly. He hated abusers, it was something about finding pain and taking it out on others that he just could never understand.

"I did. But like I said when it was reasonable." His mouth forms into an undeniable smirk.

Y/F/N's hand went across Y/n's face.

"I said I was sorry!" The girl cried, she was only trying to show her dad an A+ she got.

"You're always sorry, there was no reason for you to knock that down." The angry male pointed to the empty cup on the floor.

Out of excitement, Y/n's elbow hit the plastic cup and knocked it down, but she was backed into the wall before she could pick it up, dropping her graded test midway.

"Reasonable," Y/F/N mumbled to himself.

Anger filled Y/n as her eyes went over the word reasonable.

Never once was Y/F/N reasonable.

Never.

Clenching her fists, Y/n sits up straight and zones back into her conversation with Aaron.

"Can you ask it again?" She says, making straight eye contact.

"Your relations to Daniela Choi?" Aaron asks.

Y/n doesn't know how to reply, she knows Derek is watching so she has to careful with her answer.

"I was-," She gathers her thoughts. "We were pretty close."

It's not a lie. They were close, extremely.

"Who would you say Y/n was closest to?" Aaron asks James.

The team started the investigation from the very beginning, so now everyone was a suspect.

"I've got a funny feeling about that dude, Hotch," Derek says, but his judgment is clouded, he's angry and hurt so to make him feel better, Aaron took James in for questioning.

"Daniela." James's answer is short.

"Why?"

"They dated, for a long time, blew up our whole group," James explains.

"What group?" Aaron flies through the files that he brought in.

Instead of answering, James takes out a picture.

"He's prepared." JJ points out.

The picture is a cheer team, James is nowhere to be found but the first person to catch Aaron's eye is the babyface of Y/n, she in middle, engulfed in a hug by a female with curly mixed hair- Arianna he later finds out. He wants to question why James has this but James continues to talk.

"Not everyone was supportive."

"What?" Rose asked.

"I'm dating Y/n," Daniela said slowly, it was time the two told their friends, the thought of banishment slipping their minds.

"You and Y/n? But your both girls!" Rose exclaimed, as the pastor's daughter, she was raised to what she thought was right.

"So? My mom said it doesn't matter and we both know Y/F/N won't bat an eye." Daniela spoke for both her and Y/n.

"Guys! Help me out here, tell them it's wrong." Rose looked around the booth, empty cups filled the large table as her high pitch voice filled the empty diner.

"How is it wrong?" Caterina scoffed, she could never have the courage to do what Danny and Y/n are doing but she'll stand by them no matter what.

"The bible-" Rose protests.

"For the last time, not all of us live by the damn bible!" James slammed his hand on the teal table before them.

Everyone loved each other, no one cared for anyone's flaws, like Rose's, who always ignored everyone when they try to tell her they don't want to hear bible quotes, or Y/n who always inserts herself into drama.

They were each other's little family and until now nothing has torn them apart.

"I refuse to be around them and their sins," Rose shoved her finger into Y/n's, finally the young girl to stand up.

"And we refuse to be around you." Y/n's tone is cold and tense.

"We all do." Arianna stood up.

"Christina?" Rose looked at the oldest for help.

"You heard them, you can't hate one without hating all of us." She said.

Christina's word was final. If she said someone was out, they were out, no discussion. She just had to say the words.

"Rose, are you staying or leaving?" She asked.

"I'm leaving, my dignity lasts." Rose proudly held her head high.

"Bye then. You longer are allowed to hang out with us." Christina said with much more pride.

The 10 at the table watched the first walk away.

"Not everyone agreed." James rephrased his sentence, fists clenching in anger.

As James told Aaron how the day that Rose left the group went, his fingers dug deeper into his hand, and when he finally let go, crescent marks left their place.

"When you say close, what do you mean?" Aaron wants to hear from Y/n, James is not trustworthy enough right now.

"I had a relationship with Daniela," Y/n admits.

Hearing the words makes Derek turn on his heels and leave the group in the hall. He needs air, he needs to be away from Y/n right now. He told her he was sorry about her friend and she just went with it, in his eyes, she lied to him.

She did the one thing that he always asked not to.

"Derek?" Spencer's voice called from behind him.

"Not now," Derek says, but it's more of a plead. He doesn't want to take his anger out on someone who doesn't deserve it, he wants to take his anger out on Y/n.

Spencer leaves him alone and Derek takes a few minutes to himself. When he heads back to the station, he refuses to join back with the group, he heads back to the table in the conference room and starts working, the way his handwriting fills each paper and picture easing his mind.

As the minutes feel like hours, Y/n's interview is finally done and she feels bare. She hates how much she revealed, she hates how much has been stripped, how her walls came down and she had no say.

She hates most of her answers were lies that found their way into her truth.

But she won't tell them that, they don't need to know.

They don't get to know.

Aaron lets Y/n head to the hotel first, but when she steps outside, it's dark. Her phone is dead and her body is tired, yet her feet take her to the hotel doors, they let her step into the elevator and into her room. Her hands ache but they plug her phone in and they pull her shirt off. Her hands ache but they turn the knobs of the shower and unbutton her pants. Her legs hurt but they step out of the jeans and help her feet kick them to the side. Her body is a temple of pain but as she removes her bra and underwear, as she steps in the shower, as her fingers run over her body and squeeze the soap out of her cloth out, letting it slide down her figure, she finds her self sitting in the middle of her bed, the air silent where she finally lets her self cry.

So many years of bottling up feeling, so many years of trauma, and it took 34 questions to strip her of who she was. Every single question she counted, every single time she felt betrayed, she counted, her life was out there to know, memories she hid taunt her.

A knock on her door pulls her out of her thoughts.

When she gets up, she takes notice of the black shirt she was wearing 24 hours ago. The feeling of Derek's hand run up and down her body in chills as she walks closer to the door.

24 hours ago everything was peaceful.

Now it's a shithole.

Cracking open the door, Y/n is surprised, to say the least. Both people are silent as she opens the door more and lets the person step in.

"Derek-" She tries.

"No. You don't get to talk. It's your turn to listen." He says, meaning every fucking word.

#derek morgan #derek morgan fic #Chocolate Thunder #derek morgan x reader #bau x reader #reader insert #mjmoreid #Criminal Minds #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #criminal minds fic

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things-happens · 3 years

Text

In Memory

Levi Ackerman x gn! Reader

Armin Arlert x gn! Reader

Erwin Smith x gn! Reader

Mikasa Ackerman x gn! Reader

hola 😎 i have a request for ya! which i do hope you like cause I literally spent hALF aN hoUR thinking of how it should go... anyWAYS, i’m gonna request it rn cause why not? .. anyways—maybe a hc for Levi, Armin, Erwin, Mikasa, and Pieck; their S/O’s favorite memories with them are playing in their mind. They wished it happened again. people thought they (they = pieck, levi, armin - yk)—people thought they went crazy. out of their mind insane. They do often smile, when they hear their S/O’s laugh. They cry when they hear their S/O’s screams. They couldn’t save them in time. they were now dead. // now do keep in mind, that this all happened weeks after their S/O’s death. they felt so useless at the fact that they couldn’t save them in time. the one they loved the most...

Note: I DELETED THIS AND HAD TO MADE THE POST so... please like and share thank you. Also I'm not caught up on season 4 but I know what has happened so I don't know Pieck's personality, I didn't want to get her wrong.

Prompt List

Mastlister

Summary: their s/o passed, they blame themselves and other and sadly cannot cope.

Warnings: Death, Blood, Feels and Fluff Words: a lot just a lot

Levi Ackerman (Sadderdaze)

Somethings never change for Levi losing the ones he loves left and right but why did he think that would change with y/n.

During the Battle of Shiganshina, Y/n was by Levi’s side the whole time.

They always was anyways, the lone survivor of Levi’s Squad after the 57th Expansion. Years ago, they vowed the loyalty for him then again 3 years later, till death did them part.

They both lead the group of soldiers to eliminate the Beast Titan.

As the Beast began to throw rocks everyone took covered in an abandoned town, after the first-round y/n and Levi resurfaced on the roofs.

They both noticed the beast was readying for another throw, yelling for the other to go bad into cover.

“GO BACK!” Y/N yelled into their cupped hands; they still couldn’t hear them.

Levi started to run to help them, only to be held back, y/n telling him there isn’t enough time.

Levi protested only for Y/n starting to push him back down to between the houses.

Suddenly, Y/n gave him a hard push on his back making him lad down on the ground. Looking back up to his love, their leg of in a now, missing part of the roof.

Levi quickly shot back up to help them out, grabbing their hands pulling as hard as he could.

“Levi… LEVI! Please take cover, you’ll die.”

“I’m not leaving you behind… not again.”

Levi had left Y/n in charge of his squad as he joined Erwin in the 57th Expansion. Nearly dying because of the Female Titan and protecting Eren.

Y/n pulled their arm away from him, giving him one final hard push in the chest right before the rock came pass them.

“I love you” they whispered.

As Levi flew back to the ground, he held eye contact with them all of his memories going through his head, knowing that this was the last time he would see of them, forever.

As for y/n, all their memories flew through them.

Late nights with Hanjie, mornings drinking tea with Erwin and Levi.

Levi… the night of their wedding, cake, slow dancing together, then stargazing. Oh, what they’d give to do that one more time with him.

Then they were gone.

Days later, everyone was concerned about the Captain. They could hear his cries and sobs when they’d pass his room. If you’d knocked, his cries would stop, and he’d stay silent till he watched your feet leave.

Every time Hanjie would open his door to bring breakfast or dinner, they could see the hopefulness in his eyes only for them to fall. Not like he ate till he was starving and knew he had too.

Years later, as Levi slept at night, he could still hear the whisper and cries of his love. That’s all he could hear ever, yet now he hid it well.

The nights he couldn’t sleep he’d walk through the halls of the fallen soldiers. In the middle of all the paintings, was Erwin. A gold frame shining in the moon light. Next to him was y/n.

They also had a golden frame and at the top were their favorite floor in their favorite color. Whomever painted it, Levi thought they did an amazing job.

The captured the brightness of their eyes, their gloss on their hair and the perfection on their hands.

Levi sat on his knees, lightly placing his hand on theirs. Wishing he could feel them just one more time.

BONUS:

“I bet you’re not popular with the ladies…” Zeke sighed.

Levi looked down thinking about y/n for the first time since the battle. “I was popular enough…”

Armin Arlert (When Will I See You Again)

Most people admired Y/n relationship with Armin, never put a title on side thing but the two and others knew they loved each other.

And when y/n died… well it was hard on everyone.

Since Armin inherited the Colossal Titian he saw and heard y/n die with his own eyes or really with Bertholdt eyes.

They stood by Armin till the very end or what they thought was the end.

The two stood in front of the giant titan, directing him. The plan… they knew they were going to die but it was with Armin and that’s all y/n would ever want.

Bertholdt let out the burning steam, burning them alive. y/n’s eyes looked at Armin, they screamed and cried till nothing… black.

Armin on the other head was giving the Titan Serum, eating Bertholdt and becoming the monsters he hated.

From the second he woke from the shift, all he could thing of was Y/n.

Where are they?

Are they okay?

Then and dare he say naturally, the memories caved in.

Seeing through his predecessor’s eyes, he remembered his love burn to death. Hearing their caries and he saw them always looking at him.

He cried and blamed himself for their death, y/n thought they were dying together but Eren couldn’t let him live in peace.

“they died thinking they were with me.” He whispered.

He always tired to keep his resentment in around Eren and Mikasa, but everyone could here him scream in pain in the forest next to the HQ.

He used Bertholdt’s memories to see them together all the time, Sasha and Mikasa would become worried he wasn’t grieving well but soon like screams every night stop.

Instead, it was quite crying at night, which wasn’t any better for anyone.

Then they left to find the Sea, one thing that could make Armin come to peace with himself.

Reaching the ocean everyone would play and have fun their but looking down in the water, Armin could’ve sworn he saw his love looking back at him but alas he lost the sight as fast as he saw it.

He knew Y/n would and still is by his side everyday till death brought them back to each other.

Erwin Smith (My Kind of Woman)

Everyone knew Erwin as a very stoic man, a calm gentle giant but with a heart and will of Iron.

And that was true, but that was after someone not one would talk about.

Their name is Y/n, Erwin Smith’s great love.

In 845, the Survey Corps returned from an expiation, but most do not know what happened.

“Four abnormals on the right wing!” some one shouted

Erwin looked at y/n who was smiling but still looking out for themselves and others. They looked over at Erwin and smiled even wilder.

Ever since training, Y/n saw bright side of things. It was their idea to recruit the Underground rebels.

In all most a flash of lighting, rain pored down soldiers dying all around.

10 abnormals flailing around, killing and eating people.

Erwin stared behind him, watching his comrades die under his orders. Then he locked eyes with y/n as they jumped off their horse as a Titan waved its arm at her.

“Erwin!”

Y/n yelled hoping he would turn and help them, and he did, yet despite the connection they had…

It was too late, they were harshly picked and swished, screams reaching everyone’s ears. Held above the Titan’s mouth their blood poured into then as the life quickly left their eyes they were dropped into its mouth.

If it wasn’t for Levi, Erwin would’ve been died too.

Ever second since then he blamed himself, knowing if he was just a little faster.

He paid someone to make a painting of her for his office, they were his right-hand person, but others knew it was more than that.

He would cry as quite as he could for years till it was small smiles or few tears while in his office or drinking tea with Levi or Hanji.

They both learned not to question it as it was a normal thing for the man after five years.

The new recruits would ask about the painting of a random person in his office, he would say someone special.

Yet it’s been years he would still become choked up that night.

Mikasa Ackerman (i wanna be your girlfriend)

Mikasa and Y/n met in training, two people how just sat not needing to say anything to enjoy each other’s company.

Eating dinner, they’d just sit and watch everyone else bicker and talk, nothing needed to be said. Despite being Sasha’s sibling, the older one seem to get all the personality then again there was nothing wrong with the way they were.

Although being close to death of a many of times, they lived and slightly loved Mikasa and watched her grow into a beautiful women she was.

Over the years, y/n become more vocal not wanting to miss out on the moments they had left with everyone. They and Jean would bicker and laugh about dumb things, Connie and they would just sitting and reminisce on old times.

Then Sasha met Nicolo and well y/n had never more vocal about anything before.

“Oooooh the cook, he’s perfect for you.”

y/n would tease Sasha along with Jean and Connie, although Nicolo didn’t seem to mind, Sasha would turn redder than a beet!

Then the war came, Y/n didn’t leave Mikasa side unless it was to save their ether extremely brave or stupid sister.

As y/n and Mikasa run to Eren’s ad after killing the War Hammer Titan, Mikasa yells at Eren.

Y/n watches the two argue, as the War Hammer Titan stands tall and definitely not dead.

Y/n watches as it starts to shoot a crystal goop at them, Y/n wipps around slamming themselves into Mikasa, holding onto her and they both flay away from the now hardened crystal.

“thank you, y/n.”

Y/n only nodded, looking back at the crystal. Again, they themselves in danger for Mikasa but they knew if it came down to it, they would die for their family.

After the battle, everyone was on the air ship, Mikasa had left y/n with Jean, Connie and Sasha. They talked happy to see each other alive.

“You guys are really special to me.”

Next thing anyone knew, both Jean and Y/n heard rumbling from the entrance. Turning around they saw a little girl with a rifle.

y/n quickly realized she was aiming for everyone of the ship, mainly their sister. Running in front of the fire, trying to do the same thing they once saw Hanjie do years ago still the girl shot.

The bullet went straight threw y/n’s stomach; push through the pain they grabbed the gun from the girl. They butted it into the little girl’s head, knocking her out.

The adrenaline wore off, y/n put their hand on their stomach. Their hand covered in blood, they turned around to see their sister on the floor surrounded by their friends.

“Guys…” they dropped the rifle on the floor.

The word came out their mouth, everyone with tears in their eyes slowly turned to look at them.

Jean watched as the blood dripped from their suit on to the light brown flooring.

Y/n began to walk to them, waddling side to side.

Mikasa entered the room watching Y/n fall over into what was now a pool of blood. She quickly ran over, flipping them over sobbing.

Jean quickly applied pressure into the wound, but it was too late. Y/n looked up at Mikasa, their bloodied hand lightly touching her face.

Mikasa sat head on her knees, in between both Blouse graves. She could still here the raspy breaths, the yells of Jean telling them to stay awake and the laugh Eren let out seeing the dead bodies.

She’d cry at nights realizing she loved them more than a friend, she felt like a piece of her was now gone.

During dinners Mikasa would push her food around till she couldn’t sit and not laugh or sob. Armin had become worried of her, but he knew she just needed time.

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