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duskyashe · 1 year

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NaNoWriMo Day #3

[masterlist] [part two] [part three]

Prompt found here

Warnings: Brief description of body dysmorphia, brief description of a panic attack, use of Zalgo text, please proceed with your mental health in mind (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

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The pit rage was bad tonight. He wasn't sure what triggered it, it hadn't been this bad since he nearly killed the Replacement, and that… that scared him. He'd worked long and hard to get control of his pit fueled outbursts after that incident. The memory of Timbers' fear was usually enough to knock him out of the rage, but for some reason, this time it wasn't enough.

It wasn't enough to chase out the rampant thoughts endlessly screaming in his head, this isn't right this isn't right I'm not right I̵'̴m̴ ̷n̴ơ̴̇̊̏͜ṯ̷͉̞̫̋̔̏ ̷̠̀̍͐ȑ̸̝̥̙̈́͠i̷̬͙̋̅́̚g̷̙̍͂h̶̡͙̀ẗ̸̮͝ n̷̨̼̤͇̖͇̱͂̍́̌̿ö̵͕̰̼͙̥̆͜t̵̢̛̥̤̓̅̄̌ ̶̖͉͎̓r̶͇̫̜͉̙͑̓ͅȉ̸̬͌g̸̹̪̍͋͊́͝h̴̰̞̥̦͖̜̩̎t̵̢͈̙͋̄̈́̌͘͝ ̶̰̖̜̪̳̦̽̓̕͝͝ͅn̶͕̺̯̣̜͠o̸͇͇̾̽͆͛́͋͝t̸̳̠̠̊ ŗ̴̡̬̘̬̜̗͈͎̠̎̅͐͊̓̚͘ḭ̸̡̧̛̘̠̘̯̏͒̑͝g̷̳͈̩͔̜͈̰̯̱̓̓̇́̀͒̇̓̔͘ͅh̶̡̧̡̡̪̹̒͌̀̇̀̒̌̑̕͝͝t̵͓̺͗́͌͊̀̊̄͊͂ ̸̧̥̦̺̯̪̱̤̖̭́̽̒̎͒͛̓̓͛̚ṇ̸̛͍͔͎̹͉̹͌͐̀̊̿͆̈́̕ò̵̱͌̍̋̑̀t̴̡̡̮̞̠̳̫͔̗̘̀͛̏͌̐̅͋́͝ͅ ŗ̴̨̡̗͔͓͈̦̜̘͍̪͔̜͔̓̓̈̄͛̓̈́̇̽͂̔̀̾͠ͅi̶̢̧̮̟̰̘̬̩̦̦̫̞̹̭̙̖͚̒͐͗̿̉͂̿̏̈́̀́͘͘͝g̶̢̡̬͎̬̫̩̱̫̤̤̮̫̯̹̅̋̈́̑̆̒̒͐̔͐̓͠h̴̛̩̟̽̍̌͌͋̉̆̔̈́̀͋̏̎͋̈̈̚͘̕͝͠ẗ̸̡̨̢̢͈̤̹̜̝͔̜͇͉̻̦͇͎̥́̀̍̃̌̃͛̀͐͊̐̾͗͊̽̈̋̚̕͜—he wanted to scream, but all that came out was a strangled gasp and an increasingly pervasive feeling of wrongness.

He couldn't explain it, couldn't begin to describe why everything about himself just felt wrong, why his guns both helped and made it ten times worse. He was spiraling out of control and he knew it, but he refused to put that look of fear on some kid's face tonight, which meant locking himself up in his current safehouse instead of going on patrol and trying to keep the overall destruction to a minimum.

It certainly wasn't ideal, but going anywhere tonight was an even worse idea. I'm not gonna become another kid's biggest nightmare, not again not again not again not right ̷n̴ơ̴̇̊̏͜ṯ̷͉̞̫̋̔̏ ̷̠̀̍͐ȑ̸̝̥̙̈́͠i̷̬͙̋̅́̚g̷̙̍͂h̶̡͙̀ẗ̸̮͝ n̷̨̼̤͇̖͇̱͂̍́̌̿ö̵͕̰̼͙̥̆͜t̵̢̛̥̤̓̅̄̌ ̶̖͉͎̓r̶͇̫̜͉̙͑̓ͅȉ̸̬͌g̸̹̪̍͋͊́͝h̴̰̞̥̦͖̜̩̎t̵̢͈̙͋̄̈́̌͘͝ ̶̰̖̜̪̳̦̽̓̕͝͝ͅn̶͕̺̯̣̜͠o̸͇͇̾̽͆͛́͋͝t̸̳̠̠̊—

"Chirp?" Everything froze. The raging pit stilled, his racing thoughts stopped, his frantic rocking halted. What—? "Chirrup." Feelings, emotions, things he didn't know he was missing but felt so impossibly right came surging to the forefront at that soft sound and Jason found himself flirting with whiplash, trying to find the source of it. Where—? There. Standing hesitantly in the doorway of his room, a black haired, blue eyed boy stood staring at him in concern. The kid shifted on his feet slightly now that Jason's full attention was on him, but instead of tensing and running, the kid relaxed and shuffled forward a little. "Cheep? Chirreep?"

Jason pulled in a shuddering breath and, following some unknown instinct, responded. "Chirp. Chirrup. Cheet." Tears streamed down his cheeks as, finally, something in his chest he hadn't even realized was tense started relaxing. It wasn't perfect, but it was so much better than even his best days at controlling the pit rage.

Shakily, he reached a hand out to the kid, a sob tearing its way out of his throat. He… he needed something, he wasn't sure what, but the kid had something to do with it. Thankfully, that seemed to be just what the kid was waiting for, as he darted over and knelt down within easy reach, but without touching him. He looked like he wanted to hug him, but wasn't sure if that'd be appreciated, which, y'know, fair, but with the kid so close, Jason realized that he wanted that hug, badly. Since the kid didn't seem to want to push his luck, though, it looked like it was up to Jason.

Slowly, telegraphing his movements so the kid could see what he was doing and decide if it was actually something he was okay with, Jason put his arm around the kid's shoulder and, after a short pause when the kid briefly tensed before he just melted into the touch, he drew the kid into a massive hug. Again, the kid tensed just ever so slightly at the sensation, but he quickly melted into it, and soon enough he was returning it with just as much fervor as Jason was putting into it. Soon enough, Jason wasn't the only one crying, and the two of them were cheeping and chirping at one another between sobs.

He honestly lost track of time, sitting there wrapped around the shivering and sobbing kid, but by the time both of their tears had started to dry and their breathing had calmed down, Jason was both more emotionally rung out than he'd been in a long time, but also more at peace than he'd ever been in his life. The directionless rage, which had been a constant burning inferno in the back of his mind since his dip in the pits, was the calmest it had ever been. His thoughts were settled, there wasn't an overwhelming sense of wrongness anymore, and he could feel things in a way he hadn't realized he needed in order to feel grounded, to feel safe. And it was all thanks to the kid, who—who had fallen asleep in his arms, sleepy chirps and whistles falling from his lips every so often, his eyes red and swollen from crying so much, and a fist full of Jason's shirt.

As relaxed as the kid was in sleep, that hand held onto Jason's ratty Wonder Woman t-shirt like a safety line. "Looks like you're not gonna let me go any time soon, huh, kid?" Jason whispered, running a hand through unruly black hair. The kid nuzzled further into Jason's chest as the sensation, letting out a happy little trill before trailing off back into his sleepy whistles. Jason smirked slightly at the sight and decided to just get comfy where he was. "Yeah, me neither. You ain't getting rid of me now, kiddo." He may not know where the kid came from or how he managed to get into his safehouse without tripping any of his alarms, but they could talk about that in the morning. For now, Jason was going to enjoy not having to consistently fight his own thoughts and emotions.

The kid didn't seem to have a good home life, or even just a place to call home, going off his clothes, which were a dirty mix of too big and much too small, and the size of the bags under his eyes spoke to how much sleep he'd had recently, or rather the lack thereof. The kid practically screamed runaway, and Gotham wasn't known for being kind to street kids. He'd have to confirm his suspicions in the morning, but he was willing to bet the kid was running from something big if he was willing to risk slumming it on these streets. Something flared in his chest, which made him tense in wariness, too used to flare-ups of pit madness, but this was different. It didn't feel like pit madness at all, didn't feel mindless or aimless, rather, it felt protective in origin. Like he'd do anything to keep the kid tucked into his chest safe; it felt like there was more to it than that, but what that more was, was anyone's guess.

Later, he firmly told himself as he shook his head. He took a deep breath and ran his hand through the kid's hair again, his smirk growing into a small smile as another little trill escaped. He'd worry about what happened tonight later. Right now, he was just going to rest and relax. Jason paused, though, tensing slightly as he noticed something. He… was he purring? As soon as he realized it, the slight rumbling in his chest stopped. Huh. Apparently he could purr, now, too, in addition to the chirps he and the kid had exchanged earlier.

A sudden, sharp, "Chirrrrup!" startled him and kick-started Jason's purr. A sleep dazed eye glared up at him for a second before the kid relaxed back into sleep, nuzzling pointedly at the spot his purr seemed to originate from, making Jason bite back a fond chuckle. The kid knew what he wanted and how to get it, that was for sure. He sighed and relaxed again, shifting a bit into a more comfortable position for both of them. The kid was right, though, the purring was a nice touch. Jason let out a jaw cracking yawn and settled down. With how they were clinging to each other, he'd easily notice if the kid woke up before him. He'd get his answers in the morning. For now? He was going to sleep.

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Okay, so for this one, I originally was going to add a second scene from Danny's POV, but my brain wasn't cooperating in any way, shape, or form after I finished Jason's POV, so I ended up just ending it here. It's more balanced in the hurt/comfort aspect than I wanted, but I also needed Jason's pain to feel real, and this was the result! I'm not really complaining, I just wanted more comfort ¯⁠\⁠_⁠༼⁠ ⁠ಥ⁠ ⁠‿⁠ ⁠ಥ⁠ ⁠༽⁠_⁠/⁠¯ but yeah! This one will probably end up with a sequel at some point (maybe some time this month, maybe sometime in December, who knows) cuz I really want to write Danny's POV of this, especially the morning after and going forward. So don't give up hope!

I just wanted to thank everyone who's been liking and reblogging my previous two prompt fills! You guys are too sweet, honestly (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)

Also, if anyone feels like I missed a needed warning, please let me know! I sometimes miss them in my excitement to share my writings with the world...

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