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missroki · 2 months

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JJK MEN WANTING TO GO ANOTHER ROUND!

content: female reader × multi jik, black girl friendly, piv sex, vaginal fingering, doggy, anal play, cunnilingus, breeding kink, reader is called sweetheart, my love, pretty girl, and baby. TOJI, GOJO, NANAMI, GETO.

TOJI presses your temple to the blessedly cool sheets, your palms trying their best to find purchase to lift yourself up. you don’t get far before he pins you harder into the mattress. your hands twitch instinctively, longing to trace the plains of muscle and veins that grace his skin.

“be careful, sweetheart,” his voice rumbles, deep and heavy like an impending storm. “almost thought you were trying to get away from me.”

you reply with a sharp intake of breath, your cunt throbbing at the promise of more. excitement makes you burn with unfiltered desire, unable to ignore the sticky wetness between your thighs. toji continues to push his cum back inside your hole in shallow thrusts. it is an act of mercy compared to what you know will come next.

“t-toji, please, go slow.” your voice is hoarse from your screaming, but pleading all the same.

your boyfriend (if you could call him that) keeps close to your back, breathing along the prickling hair at the nape of your neck. a hand reaches down to rub your sensitive clit and the sensation makes you jump, but it only pushes him in deeper. the wet sounds of your cunt are embarrassing in this too quiet room.

“you worried?” toji murmurs, his mouth against your sweat-slick neck. “thought you’d get off easy tonight after that stunt you pulled?”

the scar on his lip curls as toji thinks about you grabbing him through his pants at dinner. such a naughty little girl, always needing more. you shiver as he presses down on your back, forcing you to arch higher for him. “don’t worry, pretty girl. i’ll make sure to kiss it better.”

NANAMI gazes up at you with heavy-lidded eyes, sweat making strands of his blonde hair stick to his forehead. you continue to grind down on his spent cock, moaning as a frothy ring of cum gathers at his base. the sight is sinful as you come down from your orgasm, but it’s not enough to mask the overstimulation from your constant twitching and writhing.

pushing through the sudden sensitivity, strong hands reach up to grip your hips, forcing you to stay still as a shiver runs down his spine. “you are insatiable.” nanami breathes, leaning his head back to rest on a pillow. “but if we keep going, i won't have anything left to give you.”

you whine petulantly, running your manicured nails down his chest and tweaking one of his nipples as you go. nanami growls your name in a stern warning.

“kento,” you whimper, “why so grumpy? i just want to make you feel good. they say third time’s a charm.”

one of his hands reach down to palm your ass, gripping the soft skin firmly as he imagines it littered in red handprints. “i see. was the first time not charming enough for you?”

“no, and i believe you’ve done better, actually.”

he scoffs at your obvious lie, the dry tear streaks on your face enough proof that you are trying to push his buttons. in a move that makes your head spin, you’re lifted up and flipped onto your back, legs forced to fold you almost in half.

the man above you runs the sensitive tip of his cock along your slit, watching as streams of his cum spill out now that he’s not keeping it plugged inside.

“then i must be having issues with my memory,” he murmurs, a cold sweat running down your stomach as he eases his weight onto your chest. “let me demonstrate so that i can jog yours.”

GOJO has always been… overzealous. satisfaction doesn’t come easy when instant gratification is all you know; being handed anything you desire with no questions asked. it is something he is well aware of, but that he chooses to ignore on most days. and though he loves you dearly, it is nice to see you squirm, to feel your hand push his head away half heartedly as you beg for some reprieve.

but gojo satoru always wants more, and his thirst for you isn’t something that can be easily quenched. his hands grip your hips to hold you firmly in place as you gasp and pant on too-damp sheets. his lips press into the darkened skin of your inner thighs, blush pink and gentle as he speaks. “fuck,” gojo breathes out, “you taste so good, baby. you’re gonna give me one more, right?”

you whimper as his thumb presses against your swollen clit, tears falling down your cheeks. “i-it’s too much, ‘toru. n-need a break.”

he grins up at you, voice heavy with desire as his thumb moves against your clit just how you like it. “you cryin’? i make you feel that good?”

you can tell by the look in his eyes that he enjoys this, teasing you so brazenly. he can tell by the look in yours that you love it. “please,” you whimper, gripping his white strands firmly. “i want you inside.”

if your boyfriend was smiling before, he’s absolutely beaming now. “well, since you asked so nicely.” gojo tugs down his sweats so that they rest under his balls, cock standing proud with the tip dripping pre onto your stomach. he runs the length of his cock on your pussy, a long finger reaching down and pressing ever so cheekily to your ass hole. you squeal but he holds you in place.

“satoru!”

“what’s wrong?” he asks with feigned innocence and too smug grin, “i thought you wanted me inside?”

GETO’s brows furrow at the sight beneath him, a small tsk leaving his mouth as he watches his cum spill from you in thick globs, soiling the bed in a mixture of both of your juices.

his fingers lift and thrust his cum back inside of you, grazing your sensitive walls as he makes sure to fill you with as much of him as possible. his thumb idly teases your clit, aftershocks making your legs jelly-like and loose.

you recognize this look in his eye; know that he is displeased in his inability to keep you plugged full of him. “su, baby. you fill me up so well.” you reach up to push his bangs back from his face, the long strands carrying over his shoulder and exposing the deep bruising you left on his neck.

lifting your leg, your husband bites gently on the back of your thigh and eases the ache with a gentle suck. he savors the way you whimper as a crescent shaped mark blooms on your skin. “i’ll make sure to get you pregnant, my love. it’s about time that nana and miko had another sibling, don’t you think?”

you chuckle, lifting a brow as he continues to worship your skin. “you’re very convincing, but i doubt you’ll be able to knock me up when i’m still on the pill.”

as if he didn’t hear you, you feel geto reposition your body in the bed, pressing you firmly into a mating press. you gasp, the room darkening as his hair encloses you both in a curtain of black. “well, that won’t do,” geto murmurs, looking down at the mess between your thighs and tapping the tip of his length against your entrance, “let me try again, yeah?”

MISSROKI. all original work. do not plagiarize, translate, or repost. this includes feeding my work to ai apps and sites.

#‧₊˚ 🖇️ ۫ ⭒ — sorin writes.#toji x reader #gojo x reader #geto x reader #nanami x reader #jjk x reader #jjk smut #toji smut #nanami smut #gojo smut #geto smut #jjk fanfic #jjk x female reader #toji x female reader #gojo x female reader #nanami x female reader #geto x female reader

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belovedyandere · 1 year

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The yandere concubine, due to his status, has access to nearly anywhere in the entire castle, including the guard rooms and guard showers.

He finds the scars and muscles of his guard enticing, but even more so when his guard is naked.

cw. sexual themes, stalking, yandere themes

if the princess was not the cause of his absence, it was that idiotic system that the guards were to follow. guards were strictly ordered to periodically switch to watch other concubines, each rostered to the next day each day. it left the concubine hurrying through the halls and passing by chambers to find who you were meant to guard that day. he wasn’t fond of the constant search for you, and he only had little time to share with you when you were assigned to him.

however, there was one upside to this. his access to everything. mainly the guards quarters. he was allowed to openly walk into the training grounds, the rooms and especially the showers. you had your own routine, one of it consisting of evening showers. a time where many of the other guards would leave to enjoy their small amount of free time. you seized the opportunity to be on your own, and the concubine had only recently learned of this after speaking to a another fellow guard you were familiar with. and who could resist an angelic face as his?

you were indifferent to the concubine, only noticeable feature was his constant chatter directed to you. he had been the only one who recognised you, typical concubines had a pattern of ignoring guards and simply doing as they pleased. not to say the concubine didn’t do as he pleased, but he surely never ignored you. this could explain your nonchalant reaction to noticing him hiding behind the entrance walls to the shower. you paid him no mind, too engrossed to washing away the sweat and cleaning the recent wounds from training the day before.

you believed the heat of the water would have its steam cover the visibility of your naked body. but it did not in the slightest. your drenched hair, your broad shoulders, your biceps glistening to call attention, your scars covering your body. he could feel the tremble of his hands, this had him thinking of the folk tales of sirens that would lure sailors to their doom. but they had to use their voice to do so, you only needed to show your body and that was enough to have the prickly concubine have his knees shake. the concubine grew shy at his vulnerability, his face stained red and sweat plaguing him. he couldn’t allow anyone to see him like this, especially the tent that had grown down there. but he had been caught, your eyes meeting his, sending shivers down his spine. his body was not in control, he was left frozen in place.

you called out to him, asking if he needed assistance of some sort. fully turning to face him, your body in all its glory, with all the shame he had, he tried to cover the glaring bulge that had begun to show a growing wet patch over it. there was a strange pressure he had only felt when he tended to himself after experiencing dreams of you. his eyes were his foe, travelling to the mound of your cunt, only wanting to have his cock swallowed whole by it. he wanted you to take him with force, use his body and defile it. his knees fell to the floor, mortified at how those thoughts were clouding his mind, but more so for having his cock throb against the tight restrictions of his clothing. the pressure of it building up, as well as his anxiety of cumming right then and there in front of you. this was truly pathetic, he never felt sense of gratification towards the bloody princess. but for a lowly guard? truly, he has become a fallen angel that only desires to be used by a common woman. a common woman of righteousness, who stays beside him pleasantly quiet and seeing him not as an object of self-pleasure but a person of thoughts and emotions.

without hesitation you rushed over to check on him, yet he time you attempted to gently lift his face, he stayed still, not understanding why he wouldn’t show himself. “Take me…to my chambers, now.” He said weakly, and so you hurriedly wore your common clothes that were left there, flinging him over your shoulders and jogging to his chambers. ignoring the swelling in his pants and it’s sticky liquids that were coating your shoulders.

#yandere concubine #concubine smut #belovedyandere oc #yandere #yandere smut #female reader

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sfehvn · 6 months

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switch

Description: Tav takes matters into her own hands when seducing Astarion. A/N: Literally just a thousand words of pure smut. Astarion and Tav have fun being switches for a bit. This was the vibe while I wrote. Enjoy! Xx Rating: M (18+ minors DNI) Word count: 1,119 Characters: Astarion x Tav

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The sway in your hips was magnetic as you hummed quietly to yourself. The lake's cool water came up to your waist, leaving your chest bare to any prying eyes. Prying eyes there indeed were; a predator skulked silently through the shadows of the trees. He observed you conspicuously. Or so he thought. His presence was no secret; you were determined to give him a show that would leave him yearning for more. Your shoulder blades rolled back as you straightened out your posture. You sensually palmed the frigid liquid over your breasts. Your head tilted back to face the moon as a mischievous smirk played on pert lips. The liveliness that could typically be heard from the campsite had long died down, and you could make out smoke billowing from the snuffed-out fire in the distance.

You had been eagerly awaiting an opportunity to get Astarion alone. Since the night you two shared, shrouded by trees and the carnal lust of one another, he had been the one constant on your mind. Keeping a clear head was necessary; that knowledge was not lost on you. The journey before you and your companions was still a long one. Doing what you do best, you decided to take matters into your own hands. The permanent ache between your thighs would persist until you’ve scratched that itch. Or rather, until Astarion did. The flirtation and teasing had only made your craving for the vampire worse. Pride prevented you from simply voicing your needs to him. Instead, knowing that he’d be out hunting, you settled on giving him something worthwhile to hunt for. You.

Water sloshed and calmed as he entered the water. His form is pressed to yours within seconds, his hard length against your ass. His hands come up to cup your breasts in his palms, lips pressed to your ear as he whispers, “I was on the prowl for a deer, but how could I pass up a meal as delicious as yourself?” Goosebumps rise across your delicate flesh. His cold lips find the crook of your neck, laying wet kisses in their wake. No doubt the same place he’d be feasting upon shortly. Fingers lace into his silver hair, sinking your weight against him. Your back arches in a desperation you try your best to conceal. It’s no use; Astarion is already tsk’ing playfully. “Tell me how you’d like it, darling. I’ve seen the way you look at me. Your little games are not lost on me.” He presses his stiff cock further against you with emphasis on his following words, “You only have to ask. I would be lying if I said I haven’t thought about that pretty little body of yours.”

Dominant demeanor be damned, you needed him. You needed to feel him inside of you. Feel his mouth on every single inch of your flesh. You turn in his arms and disregard the perceptive smirk on his face. Mouths press together, tongues fighting for dominance over one another. He hoists you onto his waist, your legs wrapping around him willingly to maintain your balance as he carries you from the body of water. Your back is pressed to the dirt beside the lake; his hungry hands explore your body. You watch him through half-lidded eyes as his mouth latches onto your clit. Instinctively, your back arches while your hands slink into his hair again. His tongue flicks, circles, and laps expertly at the bundle of nerves. Astarion had a long list of sexual conquests and had specifically been trained to watch for what makes people tick. With you, it felt natural. He watched you, not intending to learn but for his own self-gratification. The sight of you writhing beneath him was one to behold and made his cock twitch in anticipation.

The balance of control shifts. You pull away from his mouth and sit on your knees, pressing his shoulder in a silent demand for him to lay back. Your lips place a teasing kiss on the tip of his cock before your tongue juts out to lick over the side of his length. You take the entirety into the warm confinements of your mouth. It’s only moments before you pull away, producing spit that strings down to rest on the head of his member. You use your hand to spread it over his length, taking your time with the action. You note the way his chest heaves as he gasps, eyes never leaving yours as you slink your leg over his hips. You slide down onto his cock, taking as much as you can before you feel him bottom out inside of you. You position yourself, hands pressed into his chest as you bounce, hair flitting over your shoulders with the movement.

Astarion’s eyes flicker between your face and your breasts, relishing how they seem to react with every slight movement you make. His fingertips dig into your hips as he urges you to go faster. This time, you tsk in response, leaning down until you’re chest-to-chest with him, purposefully tightening the walls of your pussy around his length, eliciting a pleasurable groan from deep in his throat. “This is my little game, hm? Is it not?” Your words are sultry, and he thrusts further into you in response. “Tell me how you’d like it, darling.” You tease, stealing his mockery from earlier.

“Gods, Tav, faster-” A proper moan escapes with his words, his mind spinning with excitement. Grinning pridefully, you oblige, sitting up to work your pussy rhythmically over his length. A whine leaves your throat with each moment, his cock perfectly hitting your sweet spot with every thrust of your hips. You collapse over him from the continued satisfaction, not quite to your peak. He takes the cue. His hands grasp your ass as he pounds upwards and into your dripping center. You bare your neck to him, and he wastes no time with sinking sharp fangs into your flesh. The perfect balance of pain and pleasure pushes you over the edge; your hands grasp at his hair as you feel yourself come undone. His seed fills you in tandem, his name sounding too sweet leaving your lips to hold out any longer.

He continues to feed on you once he’s come down from his orgasm and only pulls away once he feels your already-limp body still further. “Next time you’re feeling hot and bothered, just drop by my tent. As fun as this was, darling, I’m sure it would have saved you a few days of pining after yours truly.” Astarion teases, and you roll your eyes in response. However, you would be sure to take him up on his offer.

#astarion x reader #astarion x tav #astarion #bg3 #tav #reader #ascended!astarion x tav #ascended astarion #ascended!astarion x reader #x reader

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yaut-jaknowit · 6 months

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Hi! I like you, you seem so cool. Such a vibe.

So, i might end up writing this eventually BUT the writers block has locked barricaded and blown up any entrance to writing anything beyond poetry for the past numerous months and, honestly, I don't think she (gn) is willing to open up. We've gone to therapy. But she just says she needs time. 🙄 . ANYWAYS, I had this idea, right? Reader and a Yautja who are mates/soulmates, and he is NOT for it. Big no no time. Shuts them down and pushes them away. Thing is, while the pull towards them is intense for him, he doesn't realize that for humans it's, like, a painful experience. They can go a bit without being near their soulmate once they find them, but months? *years*?? Eventually he goes back to earth and something pulls him to go check in them and finds them an absolute wreck. Chronic pain, maybe some of that ✨️classic substance abuse✨️, and absolutely heartbroken because their *soulmate* didn't even want them.

And... that's where the little writer part of my brain walks away.

Anyways, maybe one day I'll write this, but the ADHD part of my brain wants the gratification my writer part just isn't interested in entertaining.

I'd love to see your twist on it, if you'd be interested! If not, I get it (not every request peaks our interest and that's valid, but thought I'd share).

P.S. I just heard an owl for the first time in AGES. Really cool.

Are We Meant to be?

Pairing: Yautja x GN!Reader

Word Count: 2031

Summary: On a walk home from work in a city that wasn't friendly, you stupidly decide to take a shortcut. A shortcut that could cost you your life...

Author Note: Thank you! I'm glad I have good vibes! I might be falling into writers block... Towards the end, it was hard to figure out what to write but I hope this is good for you! I wanted to give you a start so you can finish it yourself!

Masterlist

Ao3

When you find your soulmate, it’s said that fireworks go off in your stomach. Then, life is a happy fairytale afterwards. Both souls are drawn to each other by an invisible string. Over time, they’ll be pulled to one another until they meet. From there, life is filled with happiness and complete. You are at height of your life with your soulmate.

So why was the universe cruel to you?

In the concrete jungle that made up your city filled to the brim of people and constant death, you raced back to your little apartment. The minute place you’ve carved out for yourself in a city like this. Something told you to be here, to stay here, no matter what happens. Just a tiny feeling in your cold, hope-filled heart. Maybe, just maybe your soulmate was here. So you endured the life you’ve created here and waited.

Waited for that faithful day they would stumble across your path and boom! Fireworks.

This was a bad idea, your brain shouted as you turned into a dark ally. It was a short cut that would shave off about five minutes. Five minutes closer to your studio apartment. Or lose your life.

A dark figure stepped out from the shadows. In the limited light, you see the way a blade reflects. Shit. Cursing internally, you skid to a stop and started to walk backwards towards the safety of the public street. But footsteps behind you had you pausing where you stood. More curses flew around in your brain as any logical thought.

Nothing needed to be said as you stared down the figure before you. This wasn’t unusual for a city like this. They wanted money, your money. Yet, you didn’t have much on you to offer. Probably only two dollars and nineteen cents in your pocket. Definitely not enough to quell them.

Before you had a chance to even inhale and speak, the person before you collapsed to the ground with nothing but little more than a squeak. A hunking form towering over his crumbled body. Your jaw dropped at the size of this figure. Your heart stutter in its bony cage as you were pinned to the spot like your shoes were welded there.

The string in your chest yanked hard directly in front of you. Your eyes couldn’t expand anymore at the feeling.

With nothing more but a breeze, the shadow zipped past you. You spun around to keep an eye on whatever had attacked your own attackers. Now that it was closer to the street lamps, you were able to pick up flashes of what it looked like. Yet, your brain couldn’t comprehend who this figure that moved in a blink of an eye was. You’ve never seen anyone move like that before. It couldn’t be possible.

A sick snapping echoed through the alleyway that had you tensing. The second attacker fell to the ground, unmoving. Finally, your shoes unpolarized from the dirty concrete but stepped away from the towering form that casted a long shadow. The head barely touching the tips of your toes. You swallow thickly and ignored the way your heart pounded heavily. It wanted freedom, wanted to rip out and go towards it.

He lifted his head. What could you see were long, thick… dreads? swaying as he shook his head. Metal, shining ornaments were attached to them. His form, larger than any man you’ve met before stood there. Only one arm moving, bending at the elbow. You couldn’t see what he was doing. You felt a fluttering feeling in your chest.

The figure whipped around with a snarl that echoed back at you. All you could see was emotionless eyes before it was upon you.

Your back slammed into the brick wall but a hand cushioned the back of your head. A gasp tore from your throat then your vision settled to take in the sight. He had pounced on you, pinned you to the alleyway wall, all the while breathing heavily. A hand had captured your neck, to ensure you stayed there, trapped.

Even with the knowledge this unknown figure might had just killed two people, your body was warm, lax underneath him. Your brain should’ve been screaming danger of the situation but all it sung was safety. A melody you couldn’t tell was true or not from the logical side of your brain. Yet, you couldn’t dispute the hot flash of an connection that struck you deep in your stomach at just his touch.

“Y-you…” he forced out in a guttural, gravely voice. This close to him, you realize he was wearing a mask, metal by the looks of it. “Not po-possible.” Your brows furrowed at his barely audible words. What did he mean?

Timidly, you reached out and rested your palm on his chest. He was incredibly hot, temperature wise. You felt a sort of netting there. He hissed, like a cat, and slipped the hand behind your head to snatch your wrist. It was pinned above your head. “No.” It was hard to understand what he was saying.

Not an ounce of fear entered your body as he continues to pin you there. Yet, your voice was caught behind a lump. So many questions fluttered around inside of your head but all you could do was stare into the emotionless eyes of his mask.

As if you had burned him, he ripped himself away from you within a blink of any eye. It left you feeling unsteady and almost falling to the ground. You saw for a moment he reached out to help you before letting the limb fall to his side.

Then, he was gone. In a small flash of blue, his form disappeared completely. Yet, you could feel him standing there, like a ghost to haunt you.

The walk home was confusing.

…

Blaring noises, inundated scents. Everything that a newly blooded would not be able to handle. Through the thick of it, the hunter waited in the shadows for the perfect moment. His ears picking up every little noise yet filtering them until he felt a pull. This pique his interest. A feeling he’s never felt before. His eyes closed as it persisted inside of him, his chest tightening.

A huff sounded from his mask he stood up, long legs stretching after being in a crouch position for so long. The Yautja cracked his neck a couple of times before beginning his trek through the concrete jungle. He allowed the tug to guide him over buildings as if he back on his home planet. It took him from one side of the city hundreds of thousands of oomans resided in all the way to the other side.

All of his moves were smooth, agile. He knew where and how to land before he was going to. His body going through the motion like a thousand times beforehand. His feet never making a sound. His breaths steady, confident. He loved this, the movement, the rise of adrenaline. That extra energy that filled his system.

The pads of his feet let him land silently on the edge of a building. The pull taking his straight down. He stopped and peered over the edge… to find three measly oomans. The heavy scent of fear permeated the air. He drank in the smell and watched the scene unfold before his bright eyes.

At the sight of ooman between the two male had his quills bristling at the sight. With his cloak deactivated, the Yautja stepped off from the edge. His entire body landed on top of one ooman, simply crushing it underneath his feet like the scum it was. Its frame making a sickening sound he could care less about to think of.

He launched himself at the other ooman. No mercy. A hand wrapped around the ooman’s throat while the other wrapped around its head. Only an ounce of his strength was extruded as he snapped the neck of this low life. Its body dropped to the dirty floor of this noisy, death filled city.

Beneath the thick scales that covered his chest, a strange feeling bloomed. It was the same notion from before. Pulling him backwards. He raised a hand to graze over the spot, deep in thought.

A snarl ripped at his throat. He whipped around to face the only other living thing in this dark path. The biomask that covered his face scanned over the little ooman left in his presence. Weapons, nonthreatening, adorn its small body. He wasn’t intimidated by them. He could scoff at how unprotected it was in a place like this.

He was upon the ooman in a second, ramming them into a brick. One hand coming around to cradle the back of its head while the other swiftly encased your neck. The Yautja gave it no room for escape.

His entire body tensed as the feeling tenfolded, eyes widening behind his mask. He didn’t know what was happening. Unlike any other time he’s had a ooman in his grasp, you didn’t move, you were like water in his grasp.

Tales as old as time sprung to life in his mind. “Y-you,” he grumbled in the ooman’s dialect. It hurt his throat to speak the language but he wasn’t going to waste a translator on you. He couldn’t… couldn’t. His heart, his mighty heart pulled, fluttered even, at your proximity and touch. “Not po-possible.” He hated the ooman languages.

The ooman’s face turned sour with confusion. He watched as you raised a hand to his chest, where his heart beats. A hiss surged past his mandibles. With a hand, he snatched your wrist and pinned it above your head harshly. Hopefully, you would learn a lesson. Not a single waft of terror rolled from your tiny, fragile body.

It jerked at his heart harder. In an instant, the Yautja yanked himself away from you with disgust. Yet, the way you stumbled from the lack of a steady body to protect you, he moved to help you. Halfway through the motion, he paused, arms falling to his sides. He needed to leave. Now.

A simple button had his cloak reactivating and gone from your sight. His feet were cemented in place right before you. You could still feel him, standing there. He observed you after you finally ripped yourself from the wall and began the trek of wherever you were heading.

Like your shadow, he followed you. All the way, even as you opened a door to a dingey old building and up the stairs. The Yautja followed your every move even as you prepared for bed and laid down. He watched you struggle to find comfort, kicking, squirming, and shivering. The distress clearly evident. Strangely enough, he wanted nothing more to march into your room and comfort you. But, the Yautja stayed.

When he knew it was time to become homebound, the Yautja gave you one last look. Days in, days out, he’s been your shadow, observing your every move. For the fifteen rotations of your planet, he’s been there. He didn’t allow himself to be seen, by anyone. Including yourself. He was there though.

Sleeping was difficult. A struggle to find peace within the storm raging inside of you now. It felt a door had been opened and couldn’t be shut. You felt incomplete now. A distraught noise escaped your lips as you fulfilled your worthless job. You leaned heavily on the counter with a sigh, eyes shutting. All you saw through the darkness was flashes of that night.

The night were everything changed.

On the day afterwards, you took an unfortunate day off from work. As much as you needed the money, research was needed to be done. For the entire day, you searched through every article possible about soulmates. Everything. You also dug into anything that was close to whatever had… saved you. It had saved you then disappeared. But it left behind a feeling that was consuming you every thought.

Was this what it felt like to be abandoned? You whined at the thought and opened your eyes. Work needed to be done. If only you knew the consequences.

#yautja #predator #yautja x reader #yautja x you #alien vs predator #predator x reader #yautja x human #predator x you #predator x human #x reader

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svngiem-remade · 1 year

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TEACH ME | lfx

🧸 pairing. lee felix + gn!reader

synopsis. you're completely clueless on any type of sexual gratification, but your boyfriend is more than willing to guide you through it.

🌙 wc. 1.6k | au. established new relationship; smut; very fluffy at the same time tho

unspecified dom / sub dynamics, oral (m. receiving), handjob, cum eating, he's very sweet and gentle and I need him.

“Lixie…” you mumbled against your boyfriend’s neck, hugging his torso tighter when you heard him softly hum to assure you he was listening, though the constant tapping sounds and swift movements of the arms he’d wrapped around you as you straddled him on his bed let you know he hadn’t paused the game he was playing on his Switch. You started fiddling with his shirt nervously, the words you’d been holding back for days quickly leaving your lips as your face heated up, “I’m ready.”

He let out a quiet gasp as you felt his heart thump faster against your chest, a deep silence now filling the small bedroom. Felix blinked rapidly, turning off his Switch and placing it on the nightstand before wrapping his hands around you, his fingers stroking your back slowly to soothe your obvious nerves. “Are you… are you sure?” he quietly asked, to which you just nodded. A small smile crept across his lips. “I got you.”

“I know, I trust you.” you leaned back to face him before bashfully pecking his lips, moving your arms to rest them on his chest. “I wanna… I wanna pleasure you.” you said as you looked him in the eyes, the timid glint in them making his heart swell.

“I’ll guide you.” he cupped your right cheek with his hand, the other softly rubbing your fingers as he murmured a quiet, “Whenever you’re ready, lovely.” when he noticed the slight tremble in your hands. In no way was he trying to pressure you into sleeping with him— he would never. Felix reassured you multiple times that even if the both of you were butt naked in front of each other and about to have sex, all you had to do was just say the word and he’d stop if you felt even the slightest bit uncomfortable or didn’t feel ready to go all the way. And the same went for oral sex, which you’d stopped about two times in the weeks prior. Sure, he wasn’t thrilled, but he surely wasn’t about to force you into anything you didn’t want to do. And for that, you were infinitely grateful.

You swiftly nodded, a small frown making its way across your face. “Just… please be gentle.”

“Of course.” he reassured you, lunging forward to link your lips in a kiss full of emotion as he placed his hands on your hips, grinding his length up against your sex, which made the both of you moan in each other’s mouths. Your tongue traced his bottom lip slowly before sneaking inside his mouth, your fingers tugged at his hair while you pressed your chest against his, your face heating up when you felt his bulge getting harder and harder by the second right under you.

Felix shuffled up to lean against the headboard more comfortably with you still on his lap, the passionate kiss coming to an end with that sudden action. His eyes locked with yours as he took your hand, which rested on his now bare chest, in his and squeezed it before placing it on his waistband. “Let’s take off my sweatpants first, okay?” he whispered, and you nodded before getting off his lap and helping him slide out of his bottoms, leaving him in his boxers only. He hummed in appreciation of your obedience. “Very good, bub.” You bit back a proud smile.

With your eyes falling on his clothed crotch, you unconsciously licked your lips when you noticed the wet patch on your boyfriend’s gray underwear. Your fingers lightly traced the outline of his girthy length slowly, a subtle twitch of it once you reached the tip causing your breath to get caught in your throat as a low moan left Felix’s lips. “Palm my cock now.” he hissed, and you didn’t need to be told that twice. “Shi—” he groaned when your hand grabbed a hold of his dick and started stroking, tugging, and rubbing it. The vision of your boyfriend’s half-lidded, teary eyes looking at your hand playing with him caused you to chew your bottom lip and sneak your hand under his boxers, eager to make him moan louder.

“Is... this okay?” you asked, pressing a finger against his leaking tip.

Felix quickly nodded, intertwining your free hand, though his agape mouth and red cheeks were all you could seem to focus on— well, aside from his member, who was practically throbbing in your hand. “Mhm. More than okay.” he said, feeling a drop of sweat run down his forehead as he slightly thrust his hips up when you decided to circle his tip with your thumb. “You can take them— ngh… off if you want to.” he moaned, hoping you’d agree.

You hummed, sliding his boxers down his legs and throwing them on the white carpet next to his bed, letting his cock finally spring free. The tip of his hard, curved length slapped against his lower abdomen, and you had to resist the urge to dip your head down and stuff it in your mouth— you’d been dreaming of tasting him since you’d started dating, but your nervousness and literally zero experience in the matter always held you back from taking the first step, so, you waited for your boyfriend’s directions. “How should I... go about this?” you whispered as your hand went back to circling his length, stroking and collecting some of his precum with your fingers before spreading it on his length to start fisting him at a steady pace.

Felix squeezed your hand and wet his lips before speaking in an octave lower than his usual one, squeezing his eyes shut when you started playing with his balls. “Just— start with small lic— licks and wrap your lips around my— FUCK!” he growled when your mouth suddenly completely surrounded him. “Shit— Wha…” he hissed and thrust his hips up unconsciously, which made your gag reflex go off and make you sit up on your knees once again.

His eyes shot wide open when he heard that, and guilt immediately washed over him when he noticed your teary eyes. Him being horny didn’t matter anymore if you got hurt because of him, so he lunged forward and ran his left hand between your soft locs. “Fuck, I’m so sorry, bub! It’s just, I wasn’t expecting you to just go for it, and—” he rambled, but a squeeze of his hand and a peck on his dry lips made him shut up.

“I’m the one who’s sorry. I should’ve listened to you and started slow; it’s just that…” you hesitated, shyness taking over you, as your boyfriend looked at you with confusion written all over his face, “I wanted to... to... you stuttered, biting your bottom lip, and stared at his red, angry tip, which was still leaking precum. You cleared your throat and looked him in the eyes once again, taking a hold of his cock, which startled him, “... to have you come in my mouth.” you whispered, a glint of desperation in your eyes as you looked back and forth between his face and his length.

You almost jumped when a snicker left his mouth. “Oh.” was all he said between giggles, sliding the hand he’d tangled with your fingers to take a hold of your chin. He rubbed his thumb on your bottom lip slowly. “It’s all yours then.” he lowly said before smashing his lips against yours, a passionate kiss initiating as you fisted once again his cock, drinking in all his moans and whimpers.

Felix ended the wet, sloppy kiss a few moments after, feeling his high quickly approaching. With a sly smirk, he told you to bend down and start working him up with your tongue, which you gladly did— swirling your tongue and spitting, as he told you, on his cock, all while looking at his blissed out face in front of you, your heart fluttering when you felt his soft, gentle caresses on your head become rougher by the minute.

“Take your time. Breathe in and out through your nose.” he commanded when you wrapped your lips around his tip and started sliding your head down, listening to his every word like a good partner. “Very good, bubs.” he mumbled as you fit half of his length in your mouth. He wasn’t that long, but he was definitely thick enough for you to struggle.

“Relax your throat for me, hm?” he said when he heard you quietly choke on his member, to which you fought back tears and hummed, causing him to shiver and moan at the vibration. You did as he said, not without struggling at first, and started bobbing your head up and down his length, hollowing out your cheeks when he groaned at you to do it. “You’re doing amazing, fuck.” he thrust his hips upwards as he stared at the sight he was going to ingrain in his memory for the rest of his days— you, between his open legs with a mouthful of his cock, sucking and slurping him dry as you looked up at him with glossy eyes and messy hair.

Just when he thought the sight couldn’t get better, you reached for his hand and placed it on your head silently, still sucking him, a naughty glint in your eyes as you bobbed your head up and down, in your head only Felix’s words were present— breath through nose, relax throat, hollow out cheeks. You’d almost forgot about the little stunt you’d just pulled, until your boyfriend tangled his finger between your locs and lightly tugged at them. “Want me to fuck your pretty mouth, bub?” he breathlessly asked, and you eagerly nodded.

“Tap my thigh twice if you want, or need, me to stop.” he said in a reassuring, loving tone, even throwing a sweet smile your way, before groaning and pushing your head down until your nose touched his groin, a blissed out moan and a gentle, whimpery call of your name leaving his lips when he finally reached his high, releasing in your mouth and at last giving you what you’d been craving for months.

please reblog, comment and like, feedback is very much appreciated, plus, I love reading your thoughts!

→ masterlist.

— pink = unable to tag!

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soaringwide · 1 month

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PAC: Love reading - In what way are you self-sabotaging this relationship and how can you change course?

Today I wanted to do a Pick a Card love reading and focus on the ways you are self-sabotaging a specific romantic relationship, with a second part focusing on how to change course.

The idea is that sometimes we get in our own way and we can't see the pattern. The whole point of this reading is to realize what it is you're doing that is blocking yourself and how to better act in order to improve this relationship.

How does that work?

Take a moment to recollect yourself, breathe, close your eyes if you need to, focus on the moment. Look at the 4 pictures and select the one that draws you in the most. Not the one you think looks cooler but the one that creates that pinching feeling inside of you. The one that makes you feel it has something to say.

It is possible to feel attracted to more than one pile, just as it is possible to only find parts of the reading relevant. Remember that this reading is meant for many people so it won't be perfectly applicable to your situation.

PILE 1

How are you self-sabotaging?

Cards: IV of Pentacles + Dreams + Erotic Bliss + 9 of Pentacles Rx; Strength + Resentments + Loving Yourself + X of Cups Rx; X of Swords + Renewal Rx + Unrequited Love Rx + V of Wands Rx

Your pile has intense erotic feelings, perhaps even dreams, about this person, but reality doesn't match the height and perfection of your desire, in the sense that it exists mostly in your head. It makes you feel diminished and lacking and you retreat within yourself, shielding yourself behind your walls. You may be holding onto your sensual daydreams and enjoying them in private and you may find some bliss that way, but it is also very frustrating. Regardless there is a big sexual blockage here that's stopping you from expressing your desire towards your person, and it seems a big part of it stems from your own relationship with your body and sensuality.

You feel unsatisfied emotionally as well, but I think this stems from the fact that you are lacking in the self-love department. You rely too much on external validation for your sense of self-love and when you don't get that gratification, you feel rejected which leads to resentments. Again there's the imagery of building a wall around you, this time covered in barbels. You don't allow yourself to be vulnerable, keeping bottled up emotions surrounding rejection hidden within.

This is shown in the next message as well. You have this deep rooted fear of being stuck in an unrequited love, of being rejected and humiliated. I have this image in mind of a boat filling up with water and you keep trying to empty it but there's a hole and it keeps filling up at the same rate. There is no renewal (healing of yourself) possible because you're not fixing the hole and it keeps you in misery, in a state of constant struggle. There is also a component of comparing yourself to others and assuming you're not good enough for your person.

How to change course?

Cards: Knight of Swords + Forgive; 2 of Cups + Fear Rx; The Moon + Relieved Rx; Magic

I think part of you reaaaaally wants this relationship with your person but you're not accepting it. You need to understand that you're doing nothing wrong, that it is not shameful, it is normal and natural, beautiful and human even. You may be feeling guilty about this situation because you FEEL you're doing something wrong, and you really need to forgive yourself. Try to focus on the beauty of it instead.

You also need to get over your fear of intimacy. I see the two figures of the two of cups approaching each other mutually. It's a beautiful and sweet card, it's a card of union and happiness, and you know that's what you want, but you're so scared of it that you won't let it happen.

The overall message is to examine your subconscious for biases and shadows, in particular when it comes to fear of intimacy and sexual shame, so that you can relieve that pressure and come forward in love. Perhaps for some of you it stems from a lack of experience, so you might want to educated yourself from trusted sources to help you get a healthier and more balanced picture in your mind. But overall nothing will beat learning yourself, but you got to make way to learn without judgement and shame.

Desire is a beautiful power of nature. It is magical. It is yours. Stop underestimating or undermining it, or thinking it is not yours to have because it's not true. I'm getting that for some of you it might be stemming from religious trauma and shame regarding sex, so you might want to look into that as well in order to heal.

PILE 2

How are you self-sabotaging?

Cards: 6 of Cups Rx + Sorrow Rx; Page of Swords Rx + Fear of Abundance + Change; 8 of Swords Rx + Intuition Rx + Page of Cups Rx + Relieved Rx

The way you are self-sabotaging is, first, by not being able to let go of past pain surrounding love and to cling onto the past. Perhaps you are nostalgic for sweet memories that are long gone, something that felt pure and simple and that you feel you may never find again.

I feel that you somewhat lost your sense of adventure. You overthink about your past loss and make the false logical conclusion that you'll never receive anything good in matters of love, or that no change is possible. You are stuck in a negative, overly defensive intellectual stance which became like some type of reflex you have a hard time detaching from to progress on your journey.

It's similar on the emotional side since you seem to be over protective of your old feelings. Like, the past seemed so great you feel like nothing will ever compare. You can't seem to release and accept that something new and beautiful in a different way may arise. Which means you have a hard time opening yourself to new messages of love. The curiosity is buried under a pile of fear.

On that note, you are not listening to your intuition at all because it is so polluted by your negative spiraling thoughts. You feel disarmed but you don't see that you have everything that you need to break free. To be more precise, you know yourself, you know what you've been through, but you get lost in the maze of your own mind. And if we add the blocked feelings you hold onto, I see that the problem you have is not so much about external things but rather, the way you deal with your thoughts and emotions.

How to change course?

Cards: The Emperor Rx + Nurture Rx; King of Cups Rx + Your are Deserving Rx; The Lovers + Creativity Rx; 3 of Wands Rx + Anxiety + Manic; The Lover (oracle)

Interestingly, you got a lot of swords in the struggle part but none in the advice part, which makes me thing that the first things you need to do is get out of your head a bit.

With the Emperor, there is this idea that you need to become a good ruler to yourself. Right now you are some type of old tyran that keeps talking about the old times without caring for the present. You need to nurture your present needs, be kind and empathetic with yourself and take the action needed for your own good. How would you feel if someone treated you the way you are treating yourself?

With the King of Cups, there is an extra-emphasis on the realm of emotions. I think that part of why you emotionally stay stuck in the past is that you lack self-worth making you feel undeserving of love.

The Lovers popped up but I think it talks about yourself, about how you need to merge the gap within your own heart. It may seem like a convoluted and difficult task that requires skills and experience, but really, you just need to come forward as you are and communicate where you are at. Be true, be metaphorically naked in front of the other and let them see you for who you are.

Lastly, you are being warned about where you're putting your mental energy. It's like as I said, part of you is stuck in the past, but the part of you that focuses on the future is looking at it wrong. You're feeding it with distorted information, and this creates a storm of anxiety and erratic thoughts that keeps on escalating with no end in sight.

Last advice you got the Lover again (oracle deck) with the sentence ''it is safe to surrender to the good feelings''. So to wrap up with what i was writing earlier, rather than follow your fears and regrets, the best course of action is to follow your bliss! Feed your mind and heart with sweet things to create the change you're wishing for.

PILE 3

How are you self-sabotaging?

Cards: Ace of Swords Rx + Unknowing + Shame Rx; Empress Rx + Courage Rx; 8 of Swords Rx + Intrusive Thoughts; Page of Wands Rx + Bottled up + Manic Rx

There are some areas of uncertainty in this relationship that makes you feel confused about the situation. It's taking your power away a bit and makes you feel like you don't know what to think or how to act. But I think some of this has to do with a lack of communication that makes you think that this situation is unexplainable where it could actually be if you stepped out of that stance. I feel like you would feel ashamed to bring some subjects up but it's a faulty reasoning.

You lack the courage to express your needs and boundaries, to speak up about what would make you happy and fulfilled. I think you know clearly what you want and what you need but you're just not defending that and you're letting yourself get treated differently than you would need.

I think it makes you feel powerless, like you have no control of the situation, but you don't see that it's the result of a very deeply ingrained pattern of thinking that you can totally untangle if you put in the work.

Lastly, I think this lack of being able to stand up for your needs is leading to a lot of frustration and bottled up feelings that may result in outbursts of anger or fights that may look a bit erratic from another perspective. You might have a tendency to jump to conclusion when it's not what you need in the moment.

How to change course?

Cards: 10 of Swords + Creativity Rx + Wounded Heart; 4 of Swords Rx + Love; 5 of Cups + Trauma Rx; Page of Cups + Anxiety Rx + Forgive Rx

I think a big message is to air out your worries, talk about them or express them in one way or another so they can get resolved. You might even benefit from therapeutic art making I'm getting. But yeah you've got a lot of pain to process and you need to start working on that if you haven't already, and you might want to reach out for help in order to speed up the process.

Love can and will play a part in your healing journey, but you shouldn't have to hide you you are in order to live this love. Find those who inspire you to blossom in order to grow together and heal each other in an act of reciprocity. You need to learn to be authentic and not hide because you are scared you are going to be judged for something that is not your fault. Pay close attention to how someone makes you feel after you left them. Do you feel at peace or at war? Learn to listen to that feeling and you'll be guided towards what you need.

PILE 4

How are you self-sabotaging?

Cards: The Chariot Rx + Wish Fulfilled + The Protectress Rx; The Empress + Hope + 2 of Pentacles Rx + Energy; Judgement + Shame + 5 of Cups Rx + 8 of Swords

The first message is that you are extremely eager to see your wish fulfilled in exactly the way you want, not allowing things to run their natural course. In that situation, the desire to be in full control is not the way to go about it. It seems that this situation is winding path full of detours, and you try too hard to rectify the trajectory instead of going along the ride. The reason for this is that you're trying to protect yourself because you're scared of the pain inflicted by disappointed love, or love that has no place to go, but you don't see that this over-protective behavior is the very thing that inflicts you pain.

The second message talks about depletion, about an imbalance within yourself that stops you from standing in the full power of the Empress, who embodies grace, abundance and safety. The oracle card ''Hope'' is quite signification here, as it shows a hand crossing fingers to make a wish, illuminated by rays of light. I think that the very thing you're not allowing in your garden is hope. If we link that to the previous message, it's your lack of hope that make you frantically try to do things in a specific way, because you will like if you don't act NOW you will lose everything, because you lack faith that you will get this love in your own time. I don't think this hope is totally dead though otherwise you would have given up, but you don't let it blossom enough, you're stepping all over it in your awkward dance to juggle too many things at once.

The third message talks about your struggle to overcome your own limiting patterns and beliefs. I think you've been through past losses and defeats regarding love and you feel somewhat cursed regarding that area of your life. Like things are never going to get better and you're doomed to be alone forever. You feel really ashamed about this situation, thinking there must be something wrong with you. The card shows a hand floating in the emptiness, with an open eye crying. It's like, you have so much to give but in so much pain that all that flows are tears. You feel isolated and powerless and you direct that towards yourself. You feel like you're unable to see or act and that creates immense tension within yourself because you want to break free, but you're doing it wrong by resisting this transformation that needs to happen within yourself first and foremost.

How to change course?

Cards: Temperance + Reflection + Optimism Rx + Space, time and self; Ace of Swords + Anger Rx + Slow Down + 4 of Swords Rx + The Servant Queen; Yin and Yang; 10 of Wands + Knight of Cups

I think you would benefit from being more patient and let things flow more. Let things progress gradually. There is this idea that you are guided towards what you need and you need to learn to listen to this guidance more. Spend time thinking about what it means to you and develop that, find that inner balance and harmony, that gentle optimism. Things will grow in due time.

You have a tendency to be restless and this is exhausting you. So I see that one big thing you need to do as well is being mindful of your energy levels and take time to rest, cool and slow down. The clarity you need will happen naturally once the clouds have parted and you're in a better headspace. Right now you're just going round and round making dust, let it settle.

You are worthy of love, of receiving beautiful things, you need to understand and believe that. Especially when we saw that the patterns and beliefs that were holding you back where rooted in those past losses, you really need to heal that, not just for this love connection, but for your own well-being.

Really there's a strong overarching message that you need to trust your guidance more, to switch from an erratically active mindset to a more receptive and flowy one. The goal is to balance both energies, not to be one or the other exclusively.

Once you unburdened yourself, you'll be able to express and let your feelings flow without restrain. I think that's the goal for you and what you're not able to do at the moment. But I was shown what comes before that because you can't run into this with the mindset you currently have. You really need to shift it before you can embody the Knight of Cups.

#pick a card #pick a pile #tarot reading #love tarot reading #love pick a card #love pick a pile #tarot community #tarotblr #tarot

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hermajestyimher · 2 years

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The constant need to overshare and speak prematurely of your goals and aspirations often times stems from a need for validation rooted in insecurity. With tools like social media we are being constantly bombarded by the highlights of other people's lives, and when we feel like ours doesn't measure up, we try to overcompensate by speaking more than necessary. This in turn can lead you to not reach the goals you initially wanted to because others may try to sabotage you in the process, or you may trick yourself into believing that you have already gotten what you want due to the feeling of instant gratification that wishful thinking causes.

Be mindful of all of this, and be quiet.

#things ive learned #level up journey

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angywritesstuff · 1 year

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The one with “We were on a break”

I have had this one shot ready for a week, but I didn’t post it because is not festive, but today I said fuck it 😂

Pairing: Henry Cavill x reader

Summery: After a fight you and Henry decide to take a break… you spend all your night deciding if maybe you didn’t make a mistake, Henry spends his night differently Warnings: angst, cheating (is it cheating? is it not? if you have seen the episode of Friends this is inspired of, you know what I mean), child abandonment. Poorly written English, English is not my first language so I’m sorry if there are any mistakes

The last year had been difficult for you and Henry, the constant arguing, the couple therapy, the costant nagging every time he traveled for more than a week without you, the fear every time he went out with his friends.

It all had started 12 months ago: you had just been promoted at your job and you couldn't have been happier, after years and years of given your all to your job your boss was finally recognizing your effort, you were engaged to the love of your life, you had a beautiful house and a super cute and fluffy pup. But the promotion hadn't only come with the gratification of your effort being recognized, it was also followed by a lot more responsibilities and hours in the office.

Henry had been happy and supportive of you, of course he had been, he had always wanted for you to be fulfilled in every aspect of your life and he knew that, even if you didn't need to work because he could provide with anything you could need and want, you had always wanted to be indipendent, you didn't want him to think you cared about his money, not even for a second. You always joked that when he got tired of it he could just "hang up the cape” and you would give him an allowance.

Even though he couldn't have been happier for you and your accomplishments, the longer hours in the office had started to weigh on both of you and your relationship.

Your relationship had always needed a lot of work: Henry traveled a lot for his job but you had always managed because you used to have stable hours, but being now the head of your own team you couldn't always go back home at 5 p.m. like you used to, beside you had just been promoted you couldn't ask for time off already.

All of that had reduced the time you could spent with Henry when he was home and it had started a chain of reaction that had ended with the biggest fight you and your fiancè had ever had in four years of your relationship.

You could still remember that day, and the days after, like it was yesterday, you could still remembered the emptiness you had felt as soon as Henry had slammed the door of your house, you could still feel the dread of losing the love of your life for a mistake you weren't sure you could forgive.

-10 months before-

You were in your office with your boss Daniel, trying to fix the mess that was the last shipment, you could see your cell lighting up with Henry's calls, but you could also feel your boss eyes burning the back of your head so you couldn't really answer, beside you were almost done. You didn't know what time it was, you didn't know how long it had taken but you had done it: you had fixed the problem and you had impressed your boss.

"Good job today, I was sure you were the right person for the promotion but i'm happy I wasn't wrong"- Daniel, your boss had smiled at you… and he never smiled, so you took it as a win.

"Thank you"- you had said while putting your coat on

"Why don't you take the next couple of days off? I know the last couple of months, after your promotion, have been tough and don't think I haven't noticed that you have been the last one leaving the office almost everyday since getting promoted. The project is bascially done, we have fixed the shipment problem, I'm sure your team can manage the last details without you"- you wanted to jump for the happiness but had tried to stay professional.

"Are you sure?"- you double checked

"Of course, you deserve it. I don't want to see you until next week"- Daniel said while leaving the office.

You were on cloud nine, you were tired of course but you couldn't wait to be home: all you wanted was to get home, drink a glass of wine and tell Henry the good news. You couldn't wait to spend some time with Henry: maybe you could take a long weekend trip, it was going to be amazing.

You arrived home and the first thing you noticed was that Kal didn't come as soon as he heard your car and that could mean only two things: he and Henry weren't home or Kal was too busy taking care of Henry to come to the door and that worried you...

"Babe? Kal? I'm home"- you said while hanging your coat. Henry didn't answer you but you could now hear Kal wining and the tv on so that meant he was home.

You went to the living room, sure that Henry was there by now, even if he hadn't answered when you had said hi, maybe he had just fell asleep while watching a film.

Only when you entered the living room you were able to noticed that the table was set, a simple candle as center piece, and a bouquet of red roses was resting on what was supposed to be your side of the table. Henry was on the couch and it was clear he was very much awake

"Babe. I'm so sorry, I-" you tried but he didn't let you finish

"it's 11 p.m. Y/n, you told me you were going to be home at 6 at most... at 6 and it's 11 pm"- you could see it was upset and the last thing you wanted was to have a fight. You were so tired, you just wanted to hug your boyfriend and go to sleep preferably with your bear of a man and your baby-bear of a pup keeping you warm.

"I know I'm sorry, I really tried but the shipment department made a mistake and it took a while to fix it but listen-" he stopped you again and now you were getting annoyed. He knew there were really few things that got on your nerves and people not letting you speak was one of them. But you took a deep breath trying to stay calm as long as you could because you could see Henry was mad and one of you needed to keep a clear head if you wanted to avoid a fight

"You tried, yeah that's what you keep saying, that's the only thing I have been hearing from you in the last two months, well that and the message on your voicemail since you seem to have decided to stop answering my phone calls. Do you even remember what today is?”-he asked and even before he had finished to speak you wanted to curse. Fuck the roses, the home cooked dinner, he was wearing your favorite suit...

"It's our anniversary"- you whispered, it's not like you had completly forgotten, you had rembered this morning but you hadn't seen Henry before going to work since you had gotten out while he was still on his morning run, just to be sure not to get late. You had asked your boss to go out a little bit early but then the mess had happened and you had forgotten about the anniversary, about the dinner Henry had planned weeks ago without telling you anything about it, wanting it to be a surprise. He had only aked you to be there and well... you hadn’t been .

"Yeah it's our anniversary and I just spent it without even seeing my fiancè since she was busy working all day"- he wasn't screaming, Henry never did, especially not at you, but it didn't mean he was any less angry

"I tried, I swear I had asked Daniel yesterday to finish early but-"

"Daniel of course"- he interrupted you again and now you had had enough

"What's that supposed to mean?"- now you were getting angry... ok you were sorry you forgot about dinner, you were sorry you got home late, but calm-Y/n had run out of patience and you didn't like the tone your fiancè was using with you

"There is something I should know? about you and Daniel?"- Henry asked and in that moment you could have strangled him

"Please tell me you are not serious right now"- you tried one last time to reasoned with your fiancé

"Do you think I didn't noticed how he looked at you at your promotion dinner? How he always tried to get his hands on you?"

"OH MY GOD! Not this again, there is nothing between us, he is fucking married and even if he wasn't do you really think I would cheat on you? is that the consideration you have of me? Do you really think that low of me?"- you didn't know if you wanted to cry or scream, maybe a bit of both. You were sure your relationship was solid but now it almost seems like it was falling to pieces in front of you

"No of course not. I dont know"- Henry said sounding deffeated

"You don't know... after four years together you dont know"- you could feel tears starting to fall but you didn't give them any mind -"Maybe we should take a break"- you added after a while you and Henry had spent waiting for the other to say something

"Yeah... let's just take a breath, I'm gonna take a walk, do you want me to get you something while I'm out?"- Henry was looking at you and even though you wanted to stop your mouth before it could spell the next words, you couldn’t, it almost seemed like you had lost control

"I meant a break from us"- you muttered

"You want to break up?"- Henry asked and you could see he was shocked and mad all over again

"I..."- you wanted to tell no but you couldn't speak, you wanted to stop him while he was getting his coat, you wanted to tell him you loved him when he was almost at the door, but you didn't. All you did was watch the love of you life slamming the door of your house while crying, Kal spent the whole time whining

-Now-

You had spent that night crying, trying to reach Henry on his phone to tell him you didn't really mean it, you were just tired and a little bit mad, you wanted him to get back home so you could rest and have that conversation when you weren't running high on emotion.

You had wanted to tell him you didn't mean it, there was no way you had meant it.

You heard the door opening and Henry getting in the house, you took a deep breath and tried to stop thinking about the past: you and Henry had moved past that fight and what it lead to. You had needed months of couple therapy but you were finally in a good place again.

"Hey baby"- you said while hugging Henry, the memory of that night had left you needing a little bit of affection

"You ok?"- Henry asked, he could probably see a lingering pain in your eyes, the pain form remembering but you didn't want to bring up that fight again, you had talk it through in therapy and you were over it, but sometime you still thought about that night, about what you could have said differently, you still wished no mistake had been made at work so that you could have been home on time... nothing would have happened then, or maybe it would have anyway, who knew. Your therapist had told you there was no good that could come from the 'what if' but you couldn't help yourself and, even if he didn't tell you, you knew it was the same for Henry, you knew he still thought about it, he still wished things had gone differently.

"Yeah of couse, I can't stop thinking about our trip for our anniversary in two months. Paris here we come"- you laughed trying not to think that your anniversary would always coincide with the worst memory of your relationship with Henry. But you had both decided you didn't want to lose the pleasure to celebrate your anniversary.

Henry smiled at you while tenderly kissing your temple

"I love you"- he said and your heart warmed as it did every time you heard those words from him. You two were ok... yeah you were

"I love you too"

You were about to kiss Henry when you heard Kal barking and the ring of the doorbell soon after.

"Are you waiting for someone?"- you asked

Henry shook his head before going to the door, you decided to stay in the kitchen so you could start cooking dinner, whoever was at the door Henry could handle it. But when 5 minutes had passed and Henry hadn't yet come back and hand't invited whoever was at the door in, you started to worry

"Henry who was it?"- you asked while reaching Henry at the door, but once you were there you almost stopped breathing: she was in your house with a stroller at her feet.

-10 months before- the day after the fight-

You had spent the previous night trying to reach your boyfriend on the phone to ask him to come back home, to let him know there was no way you wanted to break up, not even take a small break. That wasn't true, you had just been a little bit mad and very tired. But your calls hadn't been asnwered. You had then decided to leave him a message

"Hey baby I'm sorry about our fight, I didn't mean it, of course I don't want us to take a break. I'm gonna wait for you in our bed ok? Please come home. I love you"- your message had said

You were sure that as soon as Henry would have listened to your message, he would have come back home and you would have made up. There was no doubt in your mind.

You had fallen asleep while waiting.

The next day you had woken up expecting to find the warm presence of your fiance next to you, his big arms hugging you like he always did but you were alone, Henry's side of the bed was made.

You started to worry: there was no way that Henry after listening to your message hadn't come home, something must have happened.

You were ready to call every member of the Cavill family, every hospital in town to make sure he was ok, when you heard the door closing.

"Henry?"- you knew you were almost screaming but you were scared, you had been sure your fiance was nearly dead until a minute ago, otherwise why hadn't he answered your calls, why hadn't he come home.

"Oh my god Henry"- you flew in his arms as soon as you saw him, he squeezed you in between his arms, almost like he was sure you were going to leave. - "I'm so sorry about yesterday, I was just tired, you were right I need to balance my work and my personal life better, but you need to know I would never cheat on you, not with Danel, not with anyone. Beside Daniel gave me the next couple of days off, we could take the car and go on a road trip, we always wanted to do that. Henry are you ok? Did you get hurt?"- you asked in the end when you finally noticed you had been talking for minutes without Henry saying anything back.

"I'm sorry"- he only said

"I know I'm sorry too, we just had a fight, nothing that a calm conversation with a hot chocolate can't fix"- you gently kissed him on the nose.

Now that you weren't scare to death for your boyfriend safety, now that you could finally breathe and think clearly you noticed that your phone hadn't stopped beeping since you had woken up

"Oh my god, what is happening? I swear to god if something happened at work again I'm quitting"- you went to pick up your phone to understand what was happening that had people blowing up your phone.

"i'm sorry"- you heard Henry's saying once again while you looked at the thousand messages people had sent you, every one of them had photos of Henry with his arms around someone else, of Henry entering an hotel with another woman, photos of Henry kissing a woman that wasn’t you.

You looked at Henry and when he once again said sorry you were sure you were gonna be sick

-Now-

And now that woman was on your door step, with a straller on the floor at her feet.

"what is she doing here?"- you asked Henry and you knew you sounded harsh.

You could see the hurt in Henry's eyes, the fear of losing you, the same fear you had worked on together on therapy, you could see it, of course you could, but at the same time you could also see the woman your fiancé had cheated you with in your home, with a baby in toe.

“I don’t know”- Henry said unsure, it was clear he didn’t know who to look at, his eyes kept going from you to the women at your door to the baby no one had talked about yet.

You wanted to run, you really did, the woman that had almost broke your relationship forever was in front of your fiancé and even though you didn’t think Henry would hurt you like that again you weren’t going to risk it. You didn’t want to hate her: it was Henry who was in a relationship back then, he was the one who had made the mistake, but still you didn’t want to see her.

“I don’t want it”- the woman said bringing back you on earth

“What?”- Henry said

“I don’t want it, the baby, it’s yours. You can do whatever with it, you can keep it or give him up for adoption, I don’t care”- she sounded like she was talking about a thing and you really wanted to punch her

“You can’t just leave your baby with me, you don’t even know me”- Henry said while you stood there looking at the scene like it was a movie you were watching, like it wasn’t really happening in real life, like it wasn’t happening in YOUR LIFE.

“It’s not my baby”- she said before turning her back to you and leaving, the baby was still asleep in the stroller on the floor.

Henry picked the stroller up, and started to go in the living room, probably trying to understand what to do now

“Y/n”- Henry called you once he noticed you stood still at the door but you couldn’t move. You wanted to look at your fiancé but you knew once you did everything was going to become real or well real for you at least.

“Y/n, baby”- Henry said coming back to you once he was sure the baby was safe and asleep. He gently shook you, trying to get you to look at him and not at the now closed door

“You have a baby”- you just said

“I-“

“You have a baby with another woman… you had a baby with the woman you cheated me with”- you knew you sounded like a broken record but you were still processing

“We-“- Henry tried but you stopped him before he could even really begin

“Don’t even try saying that we were on a break, because I swear to God Henry… Fuck, you have a baby, and it’s not mine, fuck”- the tears were coming, you knew it, but you couldn’t help it, what do you do when your fiancé have a baby with the woman he has cheated you with?

“I think I need a moment”- you said

“Ok”- Henry said thinking you were going to go to the bedroom, but soon it was clear he had been mistaken -“where are you going?”- he asked when he saw you putting shoes and coat on and opening the door

“I need a moment”- you left without even looking at you.

You knew you should have stayed, you didn’t want to hurt him, you really didn’t but at the same time you were feeling all the hurt you had tried to leave behind and you didn’t know what to do.

-10 Months ago, the day after the fight-

“Y/n, talk to me please”- you had been staring at your phone for what it seems like hours without saying a word and Henry was starting to get worried. He tried to gently take your arm but you took a step back

“Don’t touch me”-

“I’m sorry, Y/n I made a mistake, an horrible one but I’m sorry”- Henry tried again

“A mistake?! You slept with another woman Henry”

“She didn’t mean anything”

“And yet she was worth jeopardizing our relationship”

“I didn’t think there was a relationship to jeopardize, I thought we were broken up”

“I asked for a break, a break I was ready to call off as soon as you got out of the house, I tried to call you so many times last night but you were too busy screwing someone else to answer me. You were busy sleeping with another woman after you had just accused me of cheating”-

“I’m sorry, I thought we were broken up, it doesn’t justify what I did I know, I fucked up but please, please, tell me we can fix it, tell me how to fix it”- Henry asked with glossy eyes

And you just stood there looking at the man you loved asking yourself if you would ever be able to forgive him

-Now-

You weren’t even sure where you were gonna go, you weren’t even sure what to do, you just got in the car and stood there.

You just stayed in the car, in front of your house where your fiancé was alone with a month-old baby, a baby that you didn’t give him.

You looked at your phone, you didn’t even know how but you had spent an hour in your car without doing nothing, you took a deep breath and looked at the house: there was no doubt anymore, you knew what you were going to do.

You exited the car and got in the house; you could hear the baby’s screams, so you let them lead you where your man and the baby were.

“You’re back”- Henry took a deep breath as soon as he saw you: you didn’t know if it was because he didn’t know if you were actually going to come back tonight or at all, or if he was hoping you could help him with a baby that apparently had been crying for a while, almost for as long as you had been gone.

“Why is the baby crying? Did you check the diaper? Did you feed him?”- you asked getting closer to Henry and gently caressing the baby’s feet

“You’re back” Henry said again

“Henry focus, yes I’m back”- you looked at your fiancé’s eyes for the first time since you had been back and you could see he was just as scared as you, you were both scared you weren’t going to survive another tsunami

“You left”- he just said

“I know, I’m sorry, I needed a moment or an hour apparently”- you shrugged

“Where did you go?”- he asked

“Nowhere actually, I just got in the car and stayed there, I needed a moment but we are gonna be alright, ok?”- you caressed Henry’s curls before pooping the baby nose softly watching the baby stopping screaming for a second before starting again -“we’re gonna be ok, we are probably gonna need to schedule a couple appointments with the therapist, but we are gonna get past this, but we need to focus on the baby right now.”

“Ok”- he just said waiting at you for direction… oh your man

“I think she left some formula and some diapers so I’m gonna take care of the baby and you are gonna make some calls”

“Calls?”

“Yes Henry calls. You need to call one of your brothers to get some stuff for the baby, the last thing we need is paps seeing me or worst you buying baby stuff, we need to be careful, at least until we have a better understanding of the situation. You also have to call your lawyer we need to know what to do, how we can be sure the baby is safe, how we can be sure no one can take him from us”- you were on a roll

“Us?”- Henry asked still shocked about the whole affair

“Yes us, if this baby is yours we’re gonna take care of him, love him like he deserves, like I know you have wanted to do as soon as she said it was your baby even if you haven’t said anything because you think I’m gonna leave you, I’m not. If you are the father, this baby is mine too, that’s it! But Henry tomorrow you need to make one more call, we need to have a paternity test made and probably have a doctor take a good look at him, just to be on the safe side”- you could see Henry’s heart breaking a little.

The little man has been in his life for just an hour and he was already attached, he was heart broken at the simple idea of giving him up.

“Henry I really hope she told the true, I know you want to be his father, but if you’re not, don’t you think his father deserves to know?”- you gently smiled at him

“You’re right”

“Of course I am, I always am right”- you smiled at him knowing that you were going to be alright. The baby, who had calmed down a little as soon as you had taken him in your arms and had started bouncing around, gave a little scream of unhappiness

“Yeah someone is hungry, aren’t you baby boy?”- you softly said to the baby.

You looked up, knowing that Henry was looking at you two and seeing his eyes filled with love you knew you were gonna make a beautiful family

“We’re gonna need a name”- you and Henry smiled

Ps: Feedback is always welcome and appreciated ❤️

Henry Cavill taglist: @xxxkatxo @mansaaay @thorins-queen-of-erebor @maan24 @grounded-in-light @omgkatinka @xprettyqueenx @marytudorbrandon @kebabgirl67 @narnianaos

(If you’re name is crossed it’s because I wasn’t able to tag you. If I forgot to tag someone please forgive me and tell me again 😅)

#henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill one shot #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill #henry cavill x you #henry cavill x y/n #henry cavill angst #angywritesstuff #henry cavill imagine #henry cavill x female reader

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genderkoolaid · 1 year

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abstract thoughts about how men are also viewed as sexual objects by the kyriarchy both in a like. [to a toddler] "is this your girlfriend?" and in a "men are just such sexual beings they cant help themselves". it removes agency both from women ("you are helpless to refuse men") /and/ men ("you are helpless to refuse yourself")

and thus both straight women & straight men are denied legitimate relationships w/ each other, even in a friendship; the first point removes agency from men to decide what sort of relationship they have and simply states that any relationship with the "opposite" gender must be romantic because they are both helpless

Very true! This gets brought up in The Will to Change, specifically thinking of this paragraph:

Little boys learn early in life that sexuality is the ultimate proving ground where their patriarchal masculinity will be tested. They learn early that sexual desire should not be freely expressed and that females will try to control male sexuality. For boys this issue of control begins with the mother’s response to his penis; usually she does not like it and she does not know what to do with it. Her discomfort with his penis communicates that there is something inherently wrong with it. She does not communicate to the boy child that his penis is wonderful, special, marvelous. This same fear of the boy’s penis is commonly expressed by fathers who simply do not concern themselves with educating boys about their bodies. Sadly, unenlightened approaches to child abuse lead many parents to fear celebration of their child’s body, especially the boy body, which may respond to playful physical closeness with an erection. In patriarchal culture everyone is encouraged to see the penis, even the penis of a small boy, as a potential weapon. This is the psychology of a rape culture. Boys learn that they should identify with the penis and the potential pleasure erections will bring, while simultaneously learning to fear the penis as though it were a weapon that could backfire, rendering them powerless, destroying them. Hence the underlying message boys receive about sexual acts is that they will be destroyed if they are not in control, exercising power.

Being taught that your sexual desires are inherently gross, creepy, violent, etc. makes it hard to have a normal, healthy relationship with your sexuality, or to have healthy sexual relationships. Women are sexual objects, in the sense that they are viewed as having no autonomy or personhood, only existing for sexual gratification. But men are obliged to be sexual actors, while our culture also treats sex in a fucked-up way that does not equip them with the understanding they need to have a healthy relationship with sex. Sex can't just be something they enjoy, it is forced to be this power dynamic thing where their desires are at once mandatory and restricted.

I know there a lot of men who have been pressured into sex they didn't actually want to have, because "men always want sex", so not having sex would make them a pansy, or would be taken as an insult, or a sign of cheating. Men get pressured to perform straight sexuality (esp. when it comes to gay and asexual men) because not being sexual is taken as a sign of failed masculinity. & when it comes to marginalized men, they are stereotyped as overly sexual and sexually dangerous- its assumed that they must be aggressive and dominating, oftentimes creepy and disgusting in their sexuality as well.

The thing about domination is that it can feel great to dominate, but you constantly have to fear what happens if you aren't always doing that. It keeps you in a constant state of chasing dominance, because if you stop, you'll be dominated and a failure. Being an object is fucking awful, but there's another, special kind of pain when your body and being is made into a weapon. On one hand, you have a weapon, and you can attack. On the other hand, you are always a potential threat, and violence is made into a permanent part of your being. Its hard to be normal about relationships when you are viewing yourself as a loaded gun waiting to go off.

#m.#ask box #antimasculism #acephobia

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makingspiritualityreal · 11 months

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How Saturn is Misunderstood in Astrology

Saturn is commonly known as a malefic planet, causing pain and hardship earlier on in life but offering relief or even benefits later on in its state of maturity. The misconception is in associating Saturn with "hard work" as in aggressive efforts. You can debate on what is "hard work" in life in general. But what needs to be clarified is how precisely the hardship and the reward of Saturn manifests, which is linked to surrender than pushing through.

Saturn is a neutral feminine dominant planet. It's the polarity of the Moon, the other side of the same coin, the Mother that became the Crone. While the Moon comes alive and shines brightly in darkness, Saturn operates from the shadows in the daylight by regulating and controlling energy, deciding which, if any influences it wants to allow inside its world.

Many of Saturnian traits are commonly confused with the Lunar Nodes, because the Nodes both relate to our critical thinking. The South Node is critical, because it doesn't bother to engage in anything or improve it unless it sees a point. It has a quality of an eternally patient hunter in the wilderness, indulging only in the best prey. From South Node's criticism comes negligence of the house the South Node is positioned in, because we feel demotivated to put too many efforts in that area, not seeing it as "worth it". The North Node is critical, because it wants to engage in its given area constantly so that it can climb. It is obsessive in gaining new experience for the sake of aggressive, achievement oriented perfectionism. This is the trait of the North Node, that Saturn is most commonly mistaken for. The relentless, aggressive chase and pursuit and active "work" for every opportunity.

Saturn is a feminine planet, meaning it does not take outward, masculine action. It is not a pursuer. Saturn is ritualistically and deliberately slow and low-effort. Saturn's only interest is the long game and meeting its quality standard. Saturn's quality standard is not the same as the Nodes. The Nodes are based in our emotions, and thus lack clarity. Saturn is the master of objective quality. Saturn slowly and silently observes and gathers data over the years before it makes the tiniest move. Saturn conserves its energy, knowing it's limited and precious. Saturn invests itself solely in what it deems worthy, otherwise it does not move at all.

Where does Saturnian "pain and hardship" come into all this? Objectively, nowhere. From a Spiritual perspective, Saturn is your best friend. It ensures good results and energy efficiency. It is clear and fair.

The flaw is in us, human beings. We are ruled by the Moon. Our minds are fickle, restless and impatient. We demand instant gratification. We follow our impulses more than we follow any logic or even philosophy of objective personal benefit. We go for what feels good in the moment even if it's bad for us long term. We don't think long term because we live in the here and now.

Saturn doesn't actually do anything to punish or actively attack us. It simply erects an impenetrable wall. Saturn is merciless. It doesn't waver or change its opinion, like the Moon would. It's unresponsive to our pleas. To the Moon, so obsessed with experiencing satisfaction, this feels like a severe punishment, which is why acquiring Saturnian level of discipline feels so hard. The Moon is the Maiden, that revels in constant external attention. But Saturn knows better, as it is a mature woman, that not everything is worth reacting to, as it understands the value of concealing what is precious, until someone of worth comes along to earn to see it.

#astrology #saturn #capricorn #astro notes #astro observations #aquarius

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clowngames · 2 years

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Really fascinated by the way Deep Space Nine doesnt just depict fascism but specifically depicts the psychology behind it, how it imposes itself on various classes not just in the out groups (Bajorans, the Federation) but also on the in groups (Cardassian citizens, politicians, Garak).

First and foremost you have Dukat. He's a textbook fascist. The only thing he cares about is power. Every decision he makes is in the interest of consolidating power towards Cardassia as a whole, but towards himself specifically. Even his demeanor as a polite charmer (to the best of his ability) is carefully constructed to position himself above people. He believes himself superior to everyone around him except specifically Sisko. When he joins the dominion, he always frames it as an alliance and you can tell he intends it to be temporary - that Cardassia will eventually turn against the Dominion and seize their assets.

An understated facet of Dukat is that he has a deep sexual complex where he fetishizes the people he oppresses. We don't have time to get into everything about that particular subject but I do want to mention his constant rationalization of "I'm the nice fascist!" does make me think that at least on some level he needs validation from Bajorans that he is likeable or can be kind, and he gets that through sexual gratification.

Moving on, Garak is everyone's favorite ordinary tailor. Nothing weird about him.

Damar, on the other hand-- okay, I'm kidding. Garak is unique in that he used to be in a position of power, and doesn't seem to actively want that power back so much as he just wants to go home and have friends who share his worldview (where the lights aren't so goddamn bright).

So does that mean he's not a fascist? Not quite. He sort of represents, in a weird way, the average citizen of a fascist state. Maybe the average upper class citizen. He's fully bought into the propaganda of Cardassian greatness, and clearly would have no qualms about the ethical implications of any actions he could take to maintain/restore that greatness. It's hard to say if it's specifically a sense or Cardassian superiority or just an extreme nationalism, but let's be honest, the difference between the two is hazy.

While he may not be interested in politics, he obviously has no problem with the state as it is currently being run. Cardassian trials, Cardassian interrogations, he's been conditioned to see the beauty in them in a way only a fascist culture could. He even loves fascist literature. I wouldn't be surprised if he hates modern art.

Damar, on the other hand, is in a weird spot. I mean, he's a soldier. He's not a politician like Dukat and he's not a nationalist like Garak. He's a guy who follows orders and doesn't think super hard about those orders because a) Cardassia looks down on that sort of thing and b) high ranking military officials look down on that sort of thing. He became Dukat's right hand man by being obedient.

It's only when he becomes a politician, when he stops taking orders and starts making them, that he starts to think critically about what's going on - I like to think that he sees the parallels between the Dominion and Cardassia sooner than he points them out. I think he starts out as a Liberal - someone who doesn't necessarily like fascism but isn't quite interested enough to resist it - and I think his experience with the Dominion radicalizes him. There's a strong implication that by the end of DS9, Carsassia is, at least, going to be less fascist.

The Dominion radicalizes Garak too - his love of Cardassia extends to people first, culture second, and government in dead last. One wonders if he may reconsider his stance on Cardassian trials after the rebellion.

Unfortunately the one thing fascism discourages above all else is introspection (for those in the ruling class, anyway. They tend to discourage existence entirely for other groups). Elim "trampling on the freedom of citizens who have done nothing" Garak may not notice, or may choose not to notice, the similarities between that and the Cardassian justice system.

I almost want to see like an episode-long epilogue that shows us what happens to Cardassian society post-Dominion. Do they make Cardassia great again in Damar's name, or do they bring it, finally, to the greatness they were always promised?

#garak #dumar #dukat #deep space nine #ds9 #star trek #cardassians

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foreverinadais · 2 years

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tension: m.k

summary: arguing with marc is infuriating- steven and jake decide to take it into their own hands and plan a date night that backfires. luckily, there’s still hope in a zip. moon boys x reader but primarily marc x reader

warnings: gn but reader wears a dress, language, TENSION (mostly involving a zip) , marc being a little bit of a dick, angst, fluff, suggestive content ;)

word count: 4393- this took me days but it’s finally done so wooo

It was strange. You weren’t used to the feeling of pure anger seeing his face. Love, yes. Passion? Of course. The desire to press your lips fiercely to his until neither of you could breathe? Possibly the most beguiling of all. But anger? Sheer agitation? The desire to cover his mouth with your hand so he would shut up?

You and Marc were indulged in a weeklong (and going strong) argument. Everything he did infuriated every fibre of your being. The same could be said for Marc. It appeared that anything either of them did end in 3 variations: a screaming match of venom, a silent treatment, or a dramatic slam of a door. Most often, it was all three.

You were beginning to struggle. You didn’t want to argue with Marc, nor did it bring you any sort of gratification. But his smug face, his insufferable insults, his snide smirks… all of it was a constant reminder of why you were in an argument in the first place.

“He’s ignoring me.” you had said to Steven on the 5th day, sat opposite him at the dinner table and taking a drawn-out sip of coffee, “It’s pissing me off. You know, his silence is worse than his presence.”

“ ‘m sorry, lovie. I wish there was something I could do.” You expression of annoyance softened as you took in Steven’s worried features. It wasn’t his, nor Jake’s fault, this argument was happening. No, it was Marc Spector’s. so it wasn’t fair they were suffering, too. you reached the short distance over to the table to his hand, squeezing it softly in comfort.

“It’s not your fault, Steven. There isn’t anything you can do, and that’s okay. Let’s just talk about something else, yeah? Anything interesting happen at the museum?”

It was becoming suffocating in the small flat you shared with all 3 boys, the added conflicted something none of you wanted nor needed. The tension was palpable. It left a stench behind with it, even when Marc wasn’t fronting.

“We need to do something, Jake. I mean, it’s getting unbearable, innit? Ridiculous, even. Feels cold in the room when I front after him.” Steven was most concerned about the predicament. With you and Marc arguing, it put a damper on moments, his moments, and made everything feel off. Jake agreed, and the two devised a plan: operation date night which will certainly solve everything and probably end in a shag- name courtesy of Steven.

Tonight was the moment you’d been dreading since Steven proposed it to you just last night. You were currently stood in front of the mirror, struggling with zipping the back of your dress up. “Jake?” you called out and within seconds, he was there, eyeing you up and down through the mirror in front of you.

“Hmm?”

“Need help, please.” He smiled, walking to where you were stood. He could sense you were stressed, nervous even, and he knew you thought this plan was ‘stupid and unnecessary, no offence, Steven.’

“Of course, mi amor.” His gloved hands were slightly rough on your skin as he made a point of trailing them up your spine, but it felt pleasing, all the same. “You look so fuckin’ hot.”

“And who said chivalry was dead?” You joked, smiling at him through the mirror, not surprised to see his eyes wandering lower. “Thank you, Jake.” He met your eyes then, and you turned around, lips meeting his in a soft kiss. This changed, however, when you quickly tried to deepen it, hands going to the shirt he was wearing.

“Sorry, Cariño, time for your date.” You gasped in mock surprise, bottom lip pouting out dramatically.

“But I don’t want tooooo.” Jake rolled his eyes at your childish tone, smiling all the same as he raised your chin with two fingers.

“It’ll be fine. Need you two to make up now, both so damn stubborn, and we just want to go back to not living in a war zone, eh?” You sighed, knowing he was right, a part of you wanting this night to be over with, but another wanting it to magically fix everything.

“ ‘m sorry, I know it isn’t either of your faults. If he wasn’t such an arsehole sometimes-”

“Eh, c’mon, relax. I know it’s annoying, but nothing’ll get sorted if you both don’t try.” He tried to lessen the stern tone in his voice by placing a kiss on your forehead, “And besides, Steven’s put his blood, sweat and tears making this evening perfect. Think he wishes he was going on the date.” That made you laugh, partly at how sweet he was, and partly because you could imagine him rushing around planning a date that he wasn’t even going on.

“Your right. And I’ll try for both- all of you.” He grinned, squeezing your chin slightly before turning to leave, leaning forward so his breath was fanning over your lips before he hastily turned away. “Wha- oi! What was that?”

“Later. Have fun on your date, sweetheart!” You shook your head as he left the room, your nerves almost diminishing thanks to Jake’s distraction techniques. No less than a few moments of Jake being in your presence, the sound of the door clicking open echoed in the flat, and your eyes flickered to where Marc had exited the bathroom.

Your gaze met in the mirror, and you instantly felt deflated. By the look on his face, it was a similar story, stern look never faltering as he walked to the closet to retrieve his jacket. He hadn’t even regarded your outfit, nor offered so much as a smile, and you felt suddenly… sad. Jake’s words were flashing in your brain. Of course, you wanted to solve this. So, you would try.

“Let’s go.” Marc muttered, already on the way to the car. You sighed, grabbing your bag and following behind. It was going to be a long night.

The car ride was mind-numbingly silent. After having a debate in your mind about what to say, you decided that ultimately, it was best if you said nothing at all; silence would be the best-case scenario for this evening. It was the longest time you had been in each other’s company without conflict for well over a week now, and with this energy that was vibrating throughout the air… anything could trigger the storm.

You couldn’t help but sneak peeks at him, though. He was wearing a suit that perfectly strained against his arms, complimented his skin just right, and that one good cologne that smelled like him and only him. It was overwhelming, how much you realised you missed this, missed him, suddenly wanting nothing more than to cup his cheeks and kiss him at the next red light.

But he kept his gaze trained firmly on the road, his hands to himself. You felt an odd nostalgia for the times before, not quite realising the toll the argument had on you. But you wouldn’t apologise, not until he did first- or at least until he made any attempt to stay civil.

“We’re here.” His voice broke the silence, but it was short, sharp. You felt your hurt leap into your throat as you saw the restaurant, saw all the happy couples and displays of love. Even after Marc had parked, he didn’t look at you. The door shut harder than usual when he got out the car, and you thought for a moment he had gone in without you until you saw his shadow appear next to the passenger’s side.

Marc opened the door, waiting for you to step out the car, which you did, almost reluctantly, a part of you thinking it was a joke, awaiting the slam. You thanked him quietly, smoothing down your dress as you stood, trying to avoid eye contact which he clearly had no interest in initiating.

Somehow, the silence was worse on the short walk from the carpark to the restaurant, despite the bustling London traffic, and the lively streets. It felt as if everyone was ignited with passion apart from them, as if everyone was happy and they, clearly, were not.

You felt the familiar urge to grab his hand when you neared the restaurant, a particularly rowdy group of drunk people smoking and mingling outside coming into view. Marc must’ve sensed this, used to affirming you when near situations such as this one, and his reflexes automatically took charge. His rough hand found yours in the dark just to offer some unspoken comfort. It almost took you off guard, the familiar dominant squeeze of his hand, fulfilling the promise that despite it all, he was there.

He kept your hand in his even when you were safely in the restaurant. An odd sense of hope filled you, hope that maybe this night wouldn’t be a total write-off, and that maybe, it’ll solve everything.

“Good evening! Is there a reservation for you today?” The front of house lady asked, attention directed away from where you were stood, still clutching onto Marc.

“It’s, uh, Marc. Marc Spector.”

“Good name, very… desirable. Oh, and a handsome face to match it.” Oh. Your eyes widened slightly. Should you laugh? It wasn’t that serious, right? Probably just some Front of House hospitality. You were surprised to see Marc with a smirk on his face. He made a sound of appreciation and nodded his head as a thank you. “Now, let’s get you to that table.”

The short journey from their current spot to the table was accustomed by many flirty comments sent Marc’s way- none of which he even attempted to turn down. The small hope you had for the evening quickly diminished as you dropped Marc’s hand somewhat forcefully as the woman walked away- not before offering a final flirtatious remark to your boyfriend.

You scoffed as you sat in your seat, skin prickling with annoyance. Marc sat opposite, not even noting you, instead looking through the menu finding it very interesting. You almost wanted to scoff again, dramatically so that he had no choice but to take notice of you. But you didn’t. He doesn’t give a fuck anyway.

“Welcome, are you ready for me to take your order?” You hadn’t even looked at a menu yet.

“I’ll have the-”

“Not quite, sorry.” Awkward. Marc sighed slightly, passing the menu to you half-heartedly and the waiter offered a sympathetic smile.

“Take all the time in the world. But don’t make me wait too long or I might miss you.” You were shocked at the waiter’s blatancy but put it down to him just being nice. Marc, however, clocked the suggestive words, and finally looked up, raising an eyebrow at the waiter who was already leaving.

Your eyes scanned the menu before meeting his, seeing his expression, before he looked away. It was infuriating. Truly. It took everything in you to not roll your eyes, or even to shout, but you willed yourself to remain calm. Remember what Jake had said, remember how hard Steven worked.

“You picked yet?” You were almost surprised to hear his voice.

“Still looking.” You muttered calmly, before settling on the first thing that looked good. “Done.” You didn’t know why you were narrating it, part of you hoping it would fill the uncomfortable aura of the table.

“We all ready over here?” The waiter was back, and you smiled politely up at him, nodding.

“Yes, thank you.”

“Perfect. Now, what can I get for you?”

“I’ll have tonight’s special.”

“My apologies, I seem to have mistaken that for you.” You stammered at his gross attempt at a pick-up line, looking to Marc who’s face was burning. “And you, sir?”

“The steak.” His tone was icy, and you swallowed harshly, feeling incredibly awkward at the situation. The waiter thanked him, smiling at you once more before walking away. “Woah.” Marc said, leaning back in his chair, shaking his head slightly. “That was interesting, eh?”

“What?”

“He was flirting with you.” he stated.

“I know.”

“That’s it?”

“What was I supposed to do? It wasn’t like I reciprocated any of it like someone.”

“Huh?” Marc sat forward on his seat, leaning against his hand. After you remained silent, he repeated a stern, “Huh?”

“You know what, Marc. The blatant flirting with the woman at the front? Yeah, I noticed.”

“Flirting? I was being polite.”

“Well, so was I! At least my polite didn’t involve shoving my tongue down their throat with my mind!”

“Where did that even come from?”

“It came from the fact that you’ve been a complete dick this whole evening,”

“Oh yeah? And how is that Y/N?”

“You’ve barely even looked at me!”

“I’ve been trying to avoid confrontation. And, oh, look, hasn’t fuckin’ worked.”

“Of course it hasn’t, dipshit. Because your not even trying. Do you even wanna fix this?”

“Do you?!” You didn’t realise your voices had been gradually raising until a small cough filled the air. Your head snapped around to see your waiter standing with the food, awkward smile on his face. Your embarrassment deepened further when other people were watching, trying to get a whiff of any conflict they could for good dinner conversation.

You muttered a ‘thank you’ to the waiter as you accepted your meal, shoving the first bite in your mouth to ensure you wouldn’t be the first to say anything else. But Marc didn’t even make a move to talk, eating his steak calmly. It was as if he didn’t even care.

Do you even wanna fix this?

He hadn’t answered. Maybe he didn’t. the thought struck your mind, making you freeze for a moment. you looked at him, at how his jaw tensed with each bite, at how his eyes darted over the table but never at you. Maybe he didn’t. what then? Would you lose all of them? Would he break up with you? Maybe he didn’t even lose you anymore. The thoughts clouded your mind until you threw your fork down, the clatter forcing Marc to look at you.

“I’m going to the bathroom.” You muttered, tears clouding your eyes as you didn’t wait for a reply. It didn’t matter anyway; he wasn’t planning on giving you one.

The ride home was just as silent as the ride there- if not even more unbearable. You kept your eyes trained on the window, watching the passing cars, the trees, the blur of the stars. Your brain was corrupted of thoughts, terrible thoughts, of him, all of them, leaving you. Because they could. You hated to admit the hold they had on your heart. That losing them would make you lose 3 parts of yourself.

You hardly waited for him to stop the car as you got out, slamming the door shut behind you and storming to the flat. You cussed as you realised he had the keys, that the dramatic walk up here was in vain because ultimately, he was just going to have to let you in anyway. You turned away from him, body facing the wall as you felt his presence. You heard the jumble of the keys, heard him unlock the flat door and step aside for you to go in first.

You didn’t look at him, didn’t give him the satisfaction.

Instead, you stormed into the bathroom. You tried to control your now heavy breathing, tried to stop yourself from releasing the emotions that were building up and had been for the past week. But knowing he was going to be fronting all night, that there was no escape from yet another argument or agonising silence, made you feel a sense of dread.

You began to clean your face, the sensation of the cold water against your hot skin calming you slightly. You couldn’t wait to be in bed, sleeping off the terrible night until you saw one of the others in the morning. The sooner you were asleep, the sooner it would be over. You patted your face dry with one of the hung-up towels, exhaling deeply to force out any unwanted emotions- they could wait.

You debated showering, deducing it would be probably beneficial despite the growing tiredness in your body. Sighing, you reached round the back of your dress, trying to feel for the zipper, but to no avail. You groaned, gradually growing more frustrated as you battled with the zip, having it in your fingertips before it slipped out of your grasp.

It carried on like this for a few minutes, which felt like hours with how agitated you already were. Anger bubbled in your belly as you tried, with no success, one last time, the zip physically jamming as you tugged it slightly.

“SHIT.” You all but shouted, leaning against the wall in defeat. You couldn’t shimmy out of it, nor could you rip it, as much as that felt like the only option. Shit. It left one thing left, the literally last-case scenario. You would have to swallow your pride, put on a civil face, talk to the man who was being infuriating… but if you wanted to sleep, it had to be done.

Unlocking the door, you felt an odd sense of defeat as you left the bathroom, feet carrying you to where Marc was sat on the sofa, drinking from a beer bottle. His shirt was unbuttoned slightly, tie discarded somewhere in the abyss of the flat, and you couldn’t help but swallow slightly at how attractive he was. It made desire bubble in your stomach, and mixed with the frustration, it wasn’t a good combination.

You coughed slightly to get his attention, but you weren’t heard over his own thoughts, or his own conversation with his alters that he was most probably having. You rolled your eyes, mostly at yourself, knowing you would have to ask for his help. “Marc?” You said as civilly as you could possibly muster, shifting on your feet as his gaze turned to your, surprised.

He rose his eyebrow in response, a small, unspoken motion for you to continue. “M-My dress… the zips broke. Fuck, can you help me?” Marc felt a smirk rise on his lips as he took in your nervous demeanour, feeling suddenly cocky that you were asking for his help. But he hid it, deciding to be the bigger person, as that was clearly what you were trying to do by coming to him.

“What’s the magic word?” He inquired jokingly, though it came across as sarcastic. You all but rolled your eyes, the familiar feeling of agitation rising like bile in your throat.

“Really?” He shrugged, putting his bottle on the side.

“You want my help?” He’s such an asshole with his stupid shirt and his stupid body and his stupid gorgeous face-

“Fine. Please?” This time, he did smirk, wiping his hands on his thighs though his trousers and standing up.

“Wasn’t so hard, was it?” he muttered, coming close to you. You huffed, feeling your heart race as he got closer- the closest he had been to you in a while. You tried to avoid his eye contact as he came in front of you, tried to ignore the growing heat in your stomach which was slowly spreading throughout your body. His expression was stoic as he whispered, “turn around.” With only a little bit of hesitation, you did, inhaling shakily as you felt his hot breath on your neck.

There was no movement for a moment as he examined the situation. You could all but feel his eyes burning holes into your skin, goose bumps prickling the back of your neck. Finally, his hand came up, gently brushing any stray hair away from the area, just as an excuse to touch your skin. You almost gasped as one of his hands came down just above the zip on your skin, holding lightly as his fingers danced around the zip. Slowly, teasingly, he dragged it down, no resistance meeting him as it glided down your back- and with it, his fingers.

They left a little trail down your skin, your back arching slightly into his touch, as he pulled the zip lower and lower… before stopping. You felt his hot breath in your ear as he leaned close, not dropping his hands as he whispered , “All done.” Your eyes fluttered slightly as you relished in his touch slightly, the air around you feeling stuffy with lust and want.

And then, his touch was gone. You broke out of your daze, turning around to see him stalking back over the sofa. You scoffed, shaking the thoughts out of your head as you walked over to where he was. “What the fuck was that?” You still felt your skin burning, pissed that he was so calm.

“I don’t know what you mean.” You groaned at his nonchalance, all the feelings from the past week suddenly desperate to spill out.

“You’ve barely looked at me all-night and now your just gonna do that and-and that’s it?”

“I just did what you asked me to do, baby. That’s all.”

“I asked you to help with my dress, not for a touch-up!”

“So you didn’t like it?” You froze, trying to shake your head but the hesitation was evident. “Don’t lie to me. I could feel you tryna arch into my touch. Is that right, hmm?” You swallowed harshly, trying to keep a strong façade as your body failed you.

“Your so cocky, Marc.” You tried to sound harsh, but your voice came out as small, a whimper compared to his mocking chuckle.

“Is that so?” He was stood up again, walking over to you with a primal look in his eyes. But you didn’t step away, didn’t give him the satisfaction as you held his eye contact.

“You’ve been acting like a dick all week. Especially tonight.” You say, voice more confident than before. Marc stopped just before you, and your voice broke as you repeated, “You barely looked at me all-night.” Surprisingly, his cold manner broke, face softening as he took you in. You looked away, finding it overwhelming to be this close to him after the gruelling week of conflict.

Marc sighed, shaking his head slightly as he muttered, “Your right.” You looked up at him, shock mustering in your features at his words. “I didn’t even try to fix things. I should’ve, but I was too… ‘stubborn’ as Steven would say.” You nodded, agreeing with him, “But I did look at you. Fuck, you look… you always look…” his words trailed off as his eyes scanned you, scanned every feature of your face, every crevice of your body, the dress still hanging to it. You felt vulnerable under his gaze, not used to seeing him without the usual anger, not used to wanting to be his presence, not avoiding it.

“I’m stubborn too.” you whispered, looking to your hands as Marc’s stare became too overpowering for words to form coherently. “I guess I was just… scared?”

“Scared?” he was suddenly terrified you were scared of him, feeling utter dread course through his body as he began to recall every instance in his life where he had been a danger; and if he was a danger to you, well, he wouldn’t, couldn’t forgive himself.

You noted the sudden fear in his eyes and quickly continued. “I thought I was going to lose you.” His features softened again as you spoke, “And that thought fucking terrifies me, because if I lose you, I lose a part of myself. And I don’t think I could love again.” You were finally telling him, letting him in on your greatest fear. Because you believed it. You figured that being annoyed at him would make the blow less painful when he finally called it quits. It was like setting yourself up for disappointment and heartbreak so it would miraculously become easier to deal with.

Marc shook his head, feeling a part of his heart ache. His hands slowly reached out to your cheeks, feeling the fresh skin with the pads of his thumbs. You relaxed in his touch, eyes shutting, blinking out any forming tears. “Baby… you couldn’t lose me, not ever. Hell, I was scared you were gonna leave me. I-I think a part of me was pushing you away so that if and when that happened…” he cut himself off with a shaky sigh, feeling sadness nudge him in the throat.

“I know. I did the same.” There was a moment, a beautiful moment, where the two of you just stared at each other, Marc’s thumbs still drawing soft circles on the apex of your cheeks, your hands finding solace on his chest. The air around you softened, as if the world was fitting back together again. You swore you felt lighter as you relished in the contact.

“I’m sorry.” He suddenly whispered, realising the unspoken words were the ones that needed to be the said the most. Well, nearly. “And I love you, don’t ever doubt that ‘kay?” You found yourself nodding, repeating the words back to him, twice for good measure, before his lips were on yours, settling into each other as if they had found their way back home.

His hands were off your face and on your back, pulling you closer as yours found his hair. It was passion, heat, fire, electric. But it was also love, calm, poetry. It was a silent promise that no matter what, you would find your way back to each other. That you could talk about it, could help one another through everything.

You suddenly felt your dress falling off your shoulder and you pulled away, smile tugging on your lips.

“Guess I left the job half-done.” Marc whispered cheekily and you chuckled, shrugging it off your shoulders and letting it slip down.

“Gonna make it up to me?”

The next morning, you felt sated as you woke up, the covers engulfing your achy body perfectly. You smiled as you remembered the events of the night- where Marc did, in fact, ‘make it up to you.’ But mostly, you were beyond elated that it was okay again. That the argument was over.

And from the bathroom, Steven was hopping around excitedly, exclaiming, “I knew it would end in a shag! You owe me 10 quid, Lockley.”

#marc spector x reader #marc spector #marc spector angst #jake lockely x reader #jake lockely #jake lockley fanfiction #Steven Grant #steven with a v #steven grant x reader #moon knight imagine #moon knight headcanon #moon knight angst #moon boys x reader #angst #angst with a happy ending

741 notes · View notes

cuubism · 1 year

Note

I heard that Silly Rabbit is the shit

unless you're @magnusbae in disguise i don't even know HOW you stumbled on that au or remembered it after all this time 😂 but it is, uh, that's one way to describe it.

watch video for context

this au is nonlinear and random and made up of little vignettes so i suppose i'll post a scene. the only scene i won't, or i suppose shouldn't, post, as buns tells me it must be withheld for humorous gratification, is the actual scene that references that video 😂

please note. this fic is 90% CRACK and not meant to be taken seriously

---

Sculpture Class

“Why am I hearing student rumors about you being in their classes?” Hob demanded, hands on his hips. Dream, lounging on the couch in his office, didn’t deign to get up. “Is there some kind of Dream lookalike on campus I need to be aware of? Or are you just tormenting them again?”

“Tormenting your students is only one of my many activities,” Dream drawled. Hob frowned disapprovingly, which Dream found quite amusing. “But this is not one of those times. Am I not allowed to explore the university?”

“Well, you aren’t actually enrolled here, but I’m sure you’ve found a way around that.”

“Nobody dares to question me.”

Hob shook his head, but the admonishment in the gesture quickly ceded to fondness. “I’m sure they start daydreaming too quickly. What classes are you taking, anyway?”

Dream smiled, pressing his hands together. “For now, that is my secret.”

Hob sighed, but ultimately smiled. “Alright, you. Be all mysterious if you must.”

Dream would. He was no longer such a mystery to Hob as he had been in the past, nor did he want to be. But it was good to hold some things for himself. And it was always fun to keep Hob speculating.

Hob would learn about his newfound human hobbies soon enough, anyway.

-----

Crafting with his hands was… meditative. Dream understood, then, why humans spent time trying to banish their many thoughts and daydreams with stillness and silence – he had become so used to the cacophony that lived within him that it was startling to feel it recede to the background. Startling, and peaceful, a moment of clarity for deep focus and reevaluation.

Dream’s mind, such that he had one in the traditional sense of the concept, was a constant flurry of sounds and images, words and feelings, colors and memories. All thought, all imagination, all dreams, all nightmares touched him and lived within him. Dream was used to this and did not find it disturbing, he supposed it was in the way a longtime city dweller may become used to the incessant traffic, chatter, music, and humanity.

Losing it had been disturbing. Waking in Burgess’s cage to absolute, total silence inside his own mind had been one of the most disturbing things Dream had experienced in the past millennium. The Dreaming had been gone from his awareness, the songs of the dreams, too. The silence, the pure utter silence, a century of it – it was the one time in his long existence that Dream had genuinely feared he might lose his mind the way Delirium had, that he might fall into the slipstream simply for having nothing to latch onto. Ultimately, he’d had to ground himself in the meager physical sensations of his prison to avoid it.

Now, Dream was free again to drift in the Dreaming as he so wished. And the meditation of physical creating was not the horrible silence of having something fundamental ripped out of him. Rather, it was like stepping from the crowded city streets into an empty field for the first time in ages. Still, there were the buzzing insects, and the whispering trees. But the hardest edges of the clamor were distant, a memory.

It was peaceful. Peace was not something Dream experienced often. Strange, to be finding it more and more frequently here in the waking world.

He focused on the clay in his hands. It was a slippery medium – literally and figuratively – liquid and wanting to find its own shape rather than the one Dream had in mind for it. It was already all over his hands and arms, but he didn’t mind. Better to be mired in the creation while creating.

He worked, letting the pleasant haze of focus fill his mind. The art room was surprisingly easy to work in; Dream had expected to be annoyed by the presence of others in his space, but as it turned out, the focus of so many minds on creation built an ideal atmosphere for it.

He put his project together carefully, patiently letting the clay have its fits and disagreements. How fun, to work with something that talked back, in its own language. Dream had really been missing out on physical art; he’d have to keep working on rectifying that.

The day slipped by. By the time Dream had the piece the way he wanted it, night had fallen. He set it aside to dry – this would take a few days, and then it would have to be fired, as well. How thrilling, he thought, to be forced to wait to see his finished work.

He had been indulging himself for a while, and should return to the Dreaming to make sure nothing was awry. Before he did so, he stepped briefly through to Hob’s flat to say hello.

“There you are,” said Hob, sitting at the kitchen table with tea and a book. “I was starting to think you’d wandered off.”

“I wander, but I always return,” said Dream, bending to kiss him.

“I know.”

“But I must go to the Dreaming, I have left it awhile.”

Hob sighed. “I figured as much. Come back soon, hm?”

Dream hummed in response, and Hob tugged him down into a proper kiss, holding him close for several long moments before letting him go.

“I’m so curious what you’ve been up to, but I have a feeling you aren’t going to tell me because you want to be all mysterious,” he said when they parted.

“You feel correctly,” said Dream.

Hob waved him away. “Go on, you. Go be brooding and secretive in your realm so I can miss you more than I do already.”

“You desire to miss me?”

“Well, considering having you here all the time is a losing game, and not something I’d ask of you anyway, I figured I might as well lean into the thrill of missing you and getting you back,” Hob said. He looked up at Dream with a smile that was knowing, fond, tinged with the slightest melancholy. In that look, Dream felt understood, in both his wandering, and his constancy.

“You will have me back,” he said.

“I know, love. Now go on, Lord of Dreams, your royal duties await.”

Dream caressed his cheek, and then vanished.

----

Several days later, he had collected his sculpture, hardened from living clay into permanence. Now that it was complete, he was not certain what he was supposed to do with it. Dreams, once completed, went off to perform their functions, to continue evolving. This was static, completed. Dream was at a bit of a loss.

He took it to Hob’s office. Hob was annotating a book when Dream arrived. Notes for lecture, Dream supposed. Hob looked up to smile at him when he came in, but he seemed engrossed in what he was doing – until his gaze caught on the sculpture in Dream’s hands.

“That’s pretty. Is it a raven?”

“Three, in fact.” They twined in a flurry around each other, a carefully balanced triad that appeared off-kilter but held itself upright nonetheless. Figuring out the weighting of it had been an interesting challenge.

“Where did you get it?”

“I made it.”

Hob looked at the sculpture again more closely. “What, in the Dreaming?”

“No,” said Dream, placing the thing on Hob’s desk. While he was happy with the end result of the work, his interest in it was rapidly waning. Unlike his creations in the Dreaming, this sculpture was not alive, it did not move and think and affect the world around it, and there was little of interest in something so static. Unlike the Dreaming, where he had to focus on crafting the right dream, the right nightmare, had to be cognizant of the end result, here, the interest was solely in the creating. “Out of clay.”

He wandered over to Hob’s bookshelf, pulling out a text he hadn’t seen on the shelf before and flopping down on the couch to page through it. He held a vague awareness of all books that had been written, found them drifting in humanity’s subconscious, but he had hardly read all of them with attention.

Hob had picked up the sculpture and was now staring at it, running a finger along the delicate, glazed wings. “You’re really just going to drop an expert-level sculpture on my desk and go lie on the couch?”

“What else am I to do with it?”

“What--? Where--?” Hob spluttered. Dream really didn’t know what was so perplexing. “Dream!”

Dream just raised an eyebrow at him.

Hob sighed and put the sculpture back down, delicately. He came over and perched on the couch by Dream’s hip, taking Dream’s hand in his own. “Every day a new facet of you,” he murmured. “I guess I just didn’t realize you were an artist.”

“I create dreams.”

“I know, but I didn’t make the connection with human artforms.” Hob smiled at him ruefully. “Doesn’t help that you’ve been hiding these skills all this time.”

“I have not frequently indulged in art in the waking world, in the past,” Dream admitted. “At the time, it did not seem valuable, when there were dreams to create. I have inspired more art than I have made.”

“Oh, I’m sure you have.” Hob nudged him teasingly. “So many times, in centuries past, I’d be wandering in a gallery and find a painting or a sculpture that I’d swear was of you.”

Most of the limited time Dream had spent in the waking world had been around artists. Occasionally, he had deigned to serve as a more direct form of inspiration. “I am certain you were right.”

“Well, those artists might have gotten to paint your portrait, but I got you to take a selfie wearing cat ears, so—”

“Hob Gadling—”

Hob leaned down and cut him off by kissing him, warm and fleeting. “Tell me about your sculpture.”

Dream tugged him down so Hob, too, was lying on the couch, half blanketing his body. He liked the weight of Hob over him, it reminded him that this was the plane of the physical. As did working with the clay.

“It was… a satisfying exercise,” he said.

Hob propped himself up on one elbow to look at him. “Really? That’s what you have to say about your masterpiece?”

“The finished piece is unimportant,” argued Dream. “If I want to create a masterpiece, I will make it of dreams.”

“Alright, so why are you doing it, then?”

Dream thought how best to articulate the many sensations that arose in him when he created – and how it was different with the physical media of this world, in comparison to dreams. “In the Dreaming, I create with my will. I shape the Dreaming to my needs. It is part of me, and it responds. This is not true of material in this world. It is outside of me, and I must learn to communicate with it. I must remember… how it is to be physical.”

Using his hands… it was not that Dream never sculpted by hand in the Dreaming. But guiding thought and fear and whimsy into a being with the gentle touch of his fingers was so different from feeling the earthy weight of the clay resisting his attempts to shape it. Clay was earth, absolute physicality, the opposite of dreaming. And Dream felt electric and brazen daring to mold it.

“I appreciate the unique challenge,” he concluded.

Hob was still looking at him, a fond look having taken over the question in his eyes. He kissed the corner of Dream’s mouth. “You are a wonder,” he sighed.

Then his expression shifted.

“Hang on. Is that the class you’ve been sneaking off to? Sculpture?”

“Beginner sculpture,” Dream told him solemnly.

“BEGINNER--? Jesus Christ. The other students are going to throw you out a window!”

Dream considered the prospect. “That would be amusing.”

“Are you actually following the class?” Hob asked. He still seemed scandalized by the idea of Dream ‘taking’ classes. “Or are you just doing whatever you want?”

Dream tilted his head at him. What do you think?

“Menace,” Hob scolded, fondly. “Why do you even have to go to a class? Couldn’t you, like, steal some clay from someone’s dream?”

“I could. But do not both you and my sister insist on me interacting with humanity more often? I am interacting with humanity.” Or, being in its presence, at any rate. Dream rarely interacted with anyone unless approached first. He would rather stay absorbed in his clay. “Besides, I have found it is good, once in a while, to do things outside of the Dreaming.”

“Ah. So that’s the real homework you’re working on.”

Dream played with Hob’s hair. “Mmm. But it is no hardship.”

Hob took the hint and bent again to kiss him, shifting to lie more fully over him. He cradled Dream’s head in one hand. Dream slipped his hands up under Hob’s shirt. This, too, was a good way to remember physicality.

“If you’re going to insist that you don’t care about that statue,” Hob breathed against his mouth, “then I’m going to keep it.”

“Do as you wish,” said Dream. “I will make another soon.”

“Something even more beautiful, I expect.” Hob bit at his lower lip, then soothed over it with his tongue. “But not as beautiful as you.”

“That was trite.”

“Made you blush, though.”

“Only because you affect me too easily,” said Dream, an admission that Hob looked delighted to have gotten out of him.

“It might be trite, but it’s also true. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen on this earth.”

Dream didn’t know how Hob managed to say such things without it sounding like exaggeration or falsehood, but it did not. “I am not truly on this earth. Or of it. You may have to broaden your parameters.”

Dream was not part of this world. But recently, he had been remembering – or perhaps relearning – that through its creatures, their dreams, their thoughts, their fears and hopes, this world was part of him. He remembered it when he looked at the clay staining his hands. He remembered it when he listened to Hob speak.

“Oh, on the contrary, love—” Hob kissed his jaw and spoke against the skin there— “you must be on this earth because you are the realest part of it. Sometimes I think you are the only true thing I’ve ever known.”

Dream smiled, turning Hob’s face back to him and looking at him from under his lashes. “But that, Hob Gadling, is only because you have always been a dreamer.”

#silly rabbit au #aka #the sugar baby au #and also #maximum CHAOS crack au #and artist dream #which i have a terrible soft spot for #dreamling #dreamling fic #my writing #dream of the endless #hob gadling #ask #anonymous

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se1f · 4 months

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Are experiences instant for you? How did you reach that point? i’m just stuck in a constant over-consuming loop.

hello anon!!

for THAT, everything is instantly THAT. my/your experiences are always instant. as for "how", i stopped seeking gratification through the senses. just knowing that it already IS. over-consuming can lead to a grueling cycle. why over-consume? you already know all there is to know. try taking a few days off platforms that provide you with information. if any questions arise, answer them for yourself- completely disregarding any concepts. what limitations/questions are left after that? you do not need to ask a blog to validate your answers. you are ultimate authority :)

#asks

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mbti-notes · 4 months

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Anon wrote: Helloo there, I hope you had a nice new year!

I'm an INTP here, and I need some guidance on how I can handle cultivating more empathy and social skills. I've had a lack of empathy since I was young. I am not sure what triggered it or led to it. But It's hard for me to form proper connections with people as a result.

When I was younger, I was a silent kid because i had almost no interest in socializing. I've noticed an issue where i was extremely selfish or cruel. For example, around the age of 6 to 12, I would get a sort of gratification when I purposely made my friend sad, I would find tiny reason to break of the friendship, and feel no remorse to it. I treated people more like experiments than friends. The only major fear I had was towards authority figures such as teachers.

Another thing I've noticed is that I have no strong recollection of good/bad memories. I can not remember the times I have been emotionally hurt or happy memories. The only major emotions I show are annoyance, happiness, and sadness if something happened to me only and never for anyone else.

I also find it hard to remember any important details of conversations and how I talked with people. Leading to fights because they bring up something i did, which i can not recall. My conversations are dull, I can't seem to generate emotions naturally. It feels like I have to fake every expression at times, as friends have previously called me a robot, due to my monotone behaviour.

I also find it hard to speak without saying something awkward and unfit for the conversation. It seems like my thoughts are many degrees away from the original path of the conversation. While everyone else can talk smoothly and reply in a way that continues the conversations, my replies fall flat and end with an awkward laugh.

As you might be able to guess, my friendships are quite shallow and unfulfilling, too. I often find it a chore to maintain relationships, almost taking an extreme amount of energy to reply to a text. Even if the other person has a keen interest in me.

But I still so desire good friendships, I keep myself cheerful and smiley, so that people don't turn off from me at first glance.

I've noticed these traits so often and spiralled down into sadness, believing that I might be sociopathic and that I am intrinsically a bad person. (I am prone to victim mentality, which made it worse).

It's only after I reached college and got into a failed relationship that I've consciously tried to fix myself. I've realised what an unfulfilling and selfish life I've been living.

I've tried living in the moment, trying to feel peoples emotions, putting in effort, listening more, trying to converse more, approach people, and, in general, involve myself in the class. But all it takes is one bad mood for me to undo all my progress and turn silent again.

My feelings of insecurity and envy have been raised, too, as my ex is now dating someone who is empathetic, sensitive, and socially adept.

I want to know

How to get out of this constant rut of motivation and failure to change.

How to live in the moment and talk, getting over the fear that I will say something unfit.

How to be more empathetic in general.

How to be more secure inside so that i can focus more outside and on my friendships.

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Lack of empathy or empathy deficit is a complicated topic in psychology, so this might be a lot for you to process. Yes, empathy can be conceptualized as a skill to improve and build up through learning and practice. However, like any skill, some people will have more genetic aptitude with it than others, so some people struggle with it more than others.

It sounds like you've already done some research and tried a few techniques with meh results. Unfortunately, your way of working toward a solution is very slow because you still don't know the "why". It's hard to solve a problem when you don't know the root cause because then the only method available to you is trial-and-error. It can indeed become very discouraging when you get error after error or don't see any meaningful progress.

Empathy deficit can be thought of as a symptom, which means there are many possible psychological issues/disorders that can give rise to it. It might benefit you to get assessed by a mental health professional with expertise about empathy deficit. It's important to investigate what lies behind it in order to discover the right way to address it.

For example, both autism and narcissism can produce empathy deficit but the mechanisms that impede empathy development are very different when you compare the two, so the treatment plans would end up looking very different once you tailor them to each individual's needs. Some people lack empathy simply because they have never been loved by anyone due to growing up in an environment of extreme neglect. Having never felt love, they don't know what it is and of course don't know how to show it.

One reason empathy deficit is a thorny subject is because of social stigma, especially since it often gets associated with psychopathy or sociopathy as you mentioned. Many psychologists don't use these labels because of the stigma and because they are imprecise. When a psychological term is widely used by the general public, it starts to lose meaning or the meaning gets extremely fuzzy, which renders it less and less useful for diagnostic purposes. People think "psychopath" and they picture a serial killer, which isn't helpful.

Personally, I'm even wary of using the word "disorder" because it often leads people to believe they are somehow "broken"; the way they behave is "wrong" and has to be changed to the "right" way. While some psychological problems should be called a disorder, I personally don't believe that empathy deficit itself should be, unless it is accompanied by dysfunctional behavior that indicates the presence of a serious mental disorder.

My understanding of empathy deficit is that it's more like a "disability", similar to blindness or deafness. What's the advantage of approaching empathy deficit as a disability? A) It's not your fault that your brain has low aptitude for empathy, so shame is completely unwarranted. B) A disability is something you can come to comfortably accept as a part of you, but also something you need to learn to adapt to, in order to live a fuller life. Thus, the question isn't "what's wrong with me?" but rather "how can I adapt better to having this disability?"

Empathy isn't an on/off switch. There are degrees of empathy. Some people have minimal to no empathy. Some people have too much empathy. Most people fall somewhere in the middle of having empathy much of the time but still capable of acting like a selfish jerk some of the time.

The way INTPs approach the world tends to be conceptual and intellectual, so it might help you to approach empathy in more cognitive rather than emotional terms. The most basic way to explain empathy is the ability to conceptualize/visualize another person's mind and understand what's going on in there. There are many paths to reaching that understanding, so psychologists distinguish between different kinds of empathy:

Affective empathy or emotional empathy is about sharing someone else's feelings and emotions. For instance, people with normal empathy would feel sad upon seeing their friend feeling sad about their dog dying. By sharing feelings and emotions with someone, it can lessen their burden and help them feel better. Expressing empathy in this way is a common method of showing how much you care about someone's well-being. When people talk about empathy deficit, it is usually affective empathy they are referring to. Try as they might, some people just can't muster enough care or concern about others.

Another kind of empathy is cognitive empathy, which is basically about modeling someone else's mind. Ti+Ne might help you with this. You could take your own experience and try to extrapolate from it to understand someone else.

For example, do you feel anything when someone goes out of their way to do something nice for you, such as ask how you're doing, give you a gift, or answer a question for you online? People with normal empathy would feel warmth, appreciation, gratitude, closeness/intimacy, care, love, or a sense of mattering. If you feel good when someone does something nice for you, you can extrapolate from it and guess that someone else may also feel good when you do something nice for them. This is the rationale behind the common advice of treating others the way you would like to be treated.

Even if you aren't capable of feeling good when someone does something nice for you, you can still observe that it is a common phenomenon in the general population. Therefore, you can deduce, through empirical investigation of cause and effect, that people doing nice things for each other is an important aspect of maintaining good relations. This can then be turned into a good principle or practice to follow: "If you want to keep a friend, you have to occasionally do nice things for them (so that they can feel justified in continuing the friendship)." You don't have to use your own emotion to arrive at good principles of action; you can also use logic and common sense to get a similar result.

Empathy is also closely linked to compassion, which is about taking action in accordance with empathic feelings. For example, seeing a friend get injured on the street, it isn't enough to just stand there and feel for them, right? Feeling bad for them should also prompt you to take action to help or save them from further injury or death.

If you can't feel bad for people who are injured, you can still understand, intellectually, that it's not a great situation. Instead of acting on empathic feelings you don't have, you could act out of logic and common sense, knowing that, universally, nobody likes to lie there vulnerable and bleeding on the street. Once again, this could lead you to create a principle/practice to follow: "If you want to keep a friend, you should take action whenever they need help."

If you're not capable of affective empathy, you are still capable of cognitive empathy as long as you are of normal intelligence. Most people rely more on affective than cognitive empathy. However, since you suffer this "disability" of not being able to generate enough affective empathy, you could rely more on cognitive empathy as an adaptation.

Maybe it's impossible for you to become the beloved social butterfly wowing everyone with your charisma, but you can still form meaningful relationships with a handful of people. When you meet a good candidate for friendship, be open and honest about your challenges, then they will know to show you more empathy and patience. As long as you're willing to put out some effort for them, they will return it. Relationships require reciprocity.

This brings us to the last point of "effort", which relates to motivation. Motivation often arises from emotionality; people have a strong desire or feel strongly about something, so they take action. What happens when your feelings and emotions are too muted to motivate action?

Human beings are motivated by a great number of things. The motivation to connect with other people is but one of them. In many cases, empathy deficit doesn't mean a person is incapable of empathizing. It's more precise to say that they can empathize but the motivation is too easily overridden by other conflicting motivations.

To give you a simple example, maybe you just worked a long day on your feet and you're utterly exhausted. You get on the bus to go home and there's only one seat left that's reserved for the disabled or elderly. You take it because no one else wants it. Later, a very frail old man gets on the bus and eyes your seat. What do you do? Many people, out of empathy, would yield the seat. A low empathy person can still feel bad for the old man. The issue is that their empathy level isn't strong enough to override the more pressing motivation to rest.

Oftentimes in relationships, you are faced with a dilemma of having to choose between yourself and others. Instead of thinking of it in terms of "I only care about me and I don't care about them", you can think of it like this:

I have multiple motivations. 1) I want to do what I want to do. 2) But I also want to keep this person as my friend. Just because motivation 1 is always stronger than 2 doesn't mean I always have to choose that way.

Since my feelings and emotions are muted, I do not have the mental resources to satisfy all of my motivations all of the time. I must ensure that I am not too otherwise stressed/taxed when trying to socialize. And I must calculate which motivation is most worthwhile to follow based on the situation.

When faced with a social dilemma, I must analyze which motivation is going to lead me to a better outcome via weighing the pros and cons objectively. In some situations, I will get a better outcome by taking care of my own needs. In some situations, I will get a better outcome by taking action to keep my friend. In some situations, I can be super smooth and efficient and do something that will benefit both of us at the same time. Make the smartest choice given the circumstances.

Taking some extra time to think through possible outcomes helps you make better social decisions (and develop Ne properly). Just like a visually impaired person has to put out effort to read braille or a hearing impaired person has to put out effort to use sign language, you must put out some effort to learn adaptations that will help you participate better in relationships and social situations.

You don't have to overthink. You can learn about people through observation and asking them simple questions. You can follow some basic principles like: compliment people when they do something good; offer help on occasion; say please and thank you; etc. Perhaps read about social etiquette to learn some good rules of thumb. Perhaps study communication skills so that you can express yourself more effectively.

An important aspect of maintaining motivation is regularly getting good results along the way. As INTP, you should be good at analyzing past mistakes for lessons to learn, in a scientific or experimental way. Try something and it doesn't work, don't do it again. Something worked well, try it again. It only works some of the time? Isolate the relevant factors to predict which situations it's more likely to work. You've obviously made some progress since childhood because you now actually care about this issue enough to feel bad and reach out for guidance. When feeling down, people tend to fixate on failure and it's easy to lose sight of all the little improvements achieved. Make sure to review the things you've done well, no matter how small, as a way to keep your motivation up.

Although empathy is an important ingredient in relationships, there are still ways to proceed without it. As long as you have some motivation to socialize, no matter how small or muted, there is hope to build something more out of it. Use those feelings of loneliness, regret, or sadness you just told me about to enhance your motivation and your desire to live your life in a better way (as opposed to wallowing in negativity).

You don't have to be "noble" and take action for others purely because you care deeply about them. Maybe it's enough to do it as a thank you to them for sticking around to make your life more fulfilling. It's not a competition of "me vs them", so don't think of relationships as a "sacrifice". By making them happy, you also make yourself happy, because you get to have a friend. Fe teaches you that good relationships should be win-win, even when you care more about your win than theirs.

#intp #empathy #relationships #ask

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