Tumgik
#corrupted or anything he just continued being a horrible person. like just read a question of price basically lol
hanzajesthanza · 2 years
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i watched the pilot of brba the other night and it occured to me then that there is a specific kind of guy that i become obsessed with turning over and over in my head like observing a coin shine in the sunlight:
a tragic adult male figure that ends up hurting those closest to him (and/or) everyone around him, because of his own crumbling to society's expectations and pressures of him as a man, leader, patriarch, or simply as a person, and a slow succumbing to self-loathing, insanity, addiction, curse, evil, or just long-suffering... and the tragic consequences of his instability and harmful behaviors affect his family first, perhaps the ones he loves most, or the only ones which love him, before it finally gets around back to him and he begins to suffer tenfold. sometimes they are dads (biological, or adoptive), or they are something like an unofficial guardian to a child, or they *would* have had a child had it not been for their behavior. sometimes there's a redemption arc or redeemable qualities, and sometimes there's just a slow demise.
#THISSS is what my mind revolves around. this is what i think everyone else should be obsessed with and no one seems to be#from top to bottom beginning with the good guys: emiel regis | geralt of rivia | simon petrikov (ice king)#for 'decent': odysseus | agamemnon | nandor (i put them in 'decent' by their ancient standards. obviously the war + pillaging isn't great)#nandor i gotta be real with you was a last-minute addition to this because wwdits is a comedy but i realized he fits this formula#despite the 'stay dead' mention. i forgot about wwdits#and i also forgot that he fathered a bunch of children soooo i edited it to put him in the father area#the 'awesome / decent / stay dead' ranking is by my own personal judgement of them btw and how much i like them#im sorry to put simon so (relatively) low but who didn't hate the ice king in the first few seasons of AT...#i actually really like odysseus... he's my academic poor little meow meow... but... problematic fave#agamemnon and nandor i like but they are just stupid#and below that i just have hate and contempt in my heart for them. like i hope they die and suffer greatly#i would have put emhyr but the thing is that emhyr was evil (power-hungry and selfish) since the beginning and he didn't really become#corrupted or anything he just continued being a horrible person. like just read a question of price basically lol#i dont need to explain geralt or regis. or do i. maybe i should. idk#basically for geralt i just think about sword of destiny and something more and how he left ciri in brokilon and condemned the both of them#and also how he wouldnt take the child when he went to see calanthe in something more like just real dumbass tragic hero behavior#regis. he's not a tragic hero but he destroyed his life catastrophically. he suffered a lot and made it everybody else's problem#so if you have any recs on other characters that are like this maybe i will become obsessed with them idk.#i think they have to be at least somewhat likable. learn from their past actions and try to make things better. even if they dont succeed#actually if they dont succeed thats even better (see: geralt)#but if they just suck for real then i just don't even want to watch or read more like damn get some help or k*ll yourself#i should honestly make my OC's dad like this. he already 90% is. honestly.#i like it when they are good on the inside :> and try to turn things around and save ppl they love but they meet a tragic end anyways :')#except odysseus i think he should get to live happily ever after on ithaca i'm honestly kind of glad we lost the telegony#men who are thiiiiis close to commiting s*icide from the extreme pressure society places upon them#but instead they chicken out and instead stab their wife or child. OR BOTH#txt#cw domestic violence
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uh-mxtx · 7 months
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Modern MDZS au where WWX gets in a debate with college professor LQR about LGBTQA+ stuff, probably bc WWX is “corrupting” LWJ with the gay agenda. And stealing all of LWJ’s turtlenecks, for some odd reason! The boy clearly can’t take care of his own clothes, they’re all tattered and his hair is a birds nest.
Anyways, LWR is going on about how the homos are lecherous filth that have fallen to temptation or smth while covering up their transgressions by naming themselves odd things. Really, LQR asks, “what even is a pan-sexual?” (Or some other such thing that shows he doesn’t actually know anything anout being queer)
“Oh, you don’t know?” WWX asks, eyes wide and innocent and CLEARLY up to Some Shit. “Professor Lan, Professor Lan, Professor ‘show your sources do your research’ LAN. Do you not know what we’re debating about?”
LQR huffs and starts saying something about family values and continuing on bloodlines, but WWX is grinning like the cat that caught the canary.
“Professor, have you ever actually researched this? Or are you just wasting my time?” (An actual LQR quote from earlier in the semester)
LQR puffs up, and he’s all “of course I haven’t-“
“Well then, Sir,” WWX interrupts, manic joy written all over his expression, “may I just say that you have the audacity of a white man insisting that Mandarin is just a type of orange.”
The bell rings before LQR can get a word in, and WWX grabs his bag and books it to the door.
“I’ll send you some reading, Professor Lan! Let’s do this again when you know what you’re talking about!”
And with that he’s gone.
Now, WWX is only a little bit of a hypocrite, bc he definitely thought he was straight and only just managed his Revelation of “oh heck Lan Zhan is so pretty he turned me gay?” *research montage bc he actually has resources (and NHS definitely helped.) “Oh maybe girls are just pretty and I’m demisexual.”
However, the fact that he only JUST did this, means his ADHD self still has all the tabs open. And, like, he did say he’d send stuff, and this is Lan Zhan’s uncle. So, he compiles a helpful list of sites and articles, includes a link to a place where you can ask questions to the Queer Council, and sends it off.
LQR is initially going to ignore it, but then his scholar brain gets the better of him. WWX had made a point, he was woefully unprepared, and so with the intention of finding points to throw in that little brat’s face, he braces himself for horrible outlandish untraditional family-breaking nastiness, plus whatever else WWX might have put in there (ancestors if that horrid boy sent him PORN he’ll have him expelled) and opens the links.
He finds a bunch of actual helpful websites.
Definitions for all the names, labels, flags. Helpful tips for understanding yourself. Pictures of couples holding hands, smiling happily.
“Love isn’t just for procreation.”
Resources for kids who’s parents kicked them out. Survival tips. Unsafe areas.
And, because I’m personally a big fan of Demisexual WWX, a whole bunch of websites on the Asexual spectrum. You know, where people say, “oh yeah, apparently other people actually DO feel that urge to have sex with people. The songs aren’t making stuff up y’all. We’re just built different.”
LQR: nani tf?
Thus begins a confused deep dive into asexuality, what it means, allosexuals and all that jazz. LQR actually does end up asking a question on one of the sites, something like:
“I always believed that people who allowed themselves to be lustful and fall into bed with others were simply unrestrained. Is it true that some people feel an actual need for this? I have felt attraction for a woman before, but I never felt the need that some popular media attests to.”
There’s a bunch of replies, but one sticks out to LQR:
“Gonna be crude for a sec, excuse me- did you actually want to bang her? Or were you friends and heteronormative society insisted that boys and girls gotta want to fuck?”
LQR, who as a young man looked at CSSR and thought “If I have to marry, I wouldn’t mind her”: 🤯🤯🤯
Oh no.
He has to face that smirking little brat WWX.
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itsclydebitches · 3 years
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About Bakugo, I actually think his original characterization is partly why his arc doesn't work for me: it seems like his contempt for others and desire to hurt them is innate, because he was already insulting and humiliating Deku for fun when they were in kindergarden, and at this age I'm not sure it makes sense to blame the adults around him for this behavior. This is also why I don't buy the "childhood friends" narrative, even before the infamous river scene Bakugo was toxic to Deku.
Hard agree, anon. I'm willing to give some wiggle room to the "Bakugo had a messy childhood and that's why he's like this" argument just because I'm not caught up (and thus might be missing some flashbacks/revelations), no one's life is ever perfect, and there's a subjective line between what we read as innocuous tropes vs. realistic traumas (example: is his mom hitting him something we take seriously, or just classic anime "comedy"?), but honestly I'm... not persuaded by that stance. Largely due to what you've said about this contempt being around since the very beginning. Bakugo's cruelty is the introduction to the entire series, the very first thing we see:
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First, they're young here. Maybe not kindergarten young, but as we see in the above narration, it's at age four that Bakugo acquired his "I'm the best" thinking (more on that in a second). They're kids. This is not something that developed slowly over the years until Bakugo crossed some kind of line, he's been like this since the very start. Since a kid is capable of forming thoughts, opinions, and making decisions: like attacking another. In what way does this establish them as friends? Izuku literally shaking as he tries to protect another kid Bakugo is has hurt? Bakugo calling him worthless? Gleefully attacking and punching Izuku in the face? They were never friends! Izuku followed Bakugo around because he was paid some kind of attention by him and Bakugo poisoned the well — no one else in class will befriend Izuku. We see this both by the two willing to help beat him up here and, later, when Izuku says he wants to got to U.A. the entire class laughs at both the idea and Bakugo blowing up his desk in response. The bullying is the only kind of "friendship" Izuku has, so he embraces it with a smile and a nickname. Meanwhile, Bakugo allows Izuku to tag along because he makes him feel good in comparison. All Bakugo needs for an ego boost is to look at Izuku. He's the useless, quirkless nobody whose name can be read as "Deku." What's not to like? Izuku makes Bakugo feel good because Bakugo will always come out on top — always win — when pit against him. Did they have a few good moments gushing over All Might? Yeah, but anyone who has been bullied knows that it's not a clear cut "They were consistently awful every second of every day." Sometimes, those moments of pretend or conditional friendship make everything worse.
(As a side note, I keep hearing the more intense fans of Bakugo saying that those who criticize him identify with Izuku "too much" and it's like... yes? He's the protagonist. You're supposed to identify with him. To say nothing of the question of why you'd include such an explicit bullying subplot — arguably at the heart of the narrative in regards to characterization — if you didn't want readers who had experienced bullying to relate to this story. So it's all about victims like Izuku, you're allowed to care, just don't care in a way that holds Bakugo responsible?)
"But Izuku cares about Bakugo. He tried to help him out of the river." Yeah, because Izuku cares about everyone. Overlooking his warped idea of what friendship is due to having no one but Bakugo, Izuku is the kind of person who is going to extend his hand to anyone who needs it, just like All Might would. His extreme compassion and lack of other friends is not good proof that he cares for Bakugo in any true, healthy fashion, let alone that Bakugo cares for him.
As for when this all started, yeah, it was when they were even younger than in the scene above. Toddlers when Bakugo realized he had a strong quirk and Izuku was told he had none. Bakugo's reaction to these events — deciding he's better than everyone else and that justifies harming those "lesser" than him — is instantaneous. That desire was there all along. He just needed an excuse to act on it. After the conversations about the adults' influence on him, I went back to the anime scenes of Bakugo showing his quirk to his class and it's... pretty normal? I mean yes, there's praise, but in what world wouldn't there be praise? A bunch of other kids are going to ooh and ahh over mini explosions and the two teachers, unless they're entirely heartless, are going to tell this kid that he'll indeed make a wonderful hero someday. Those are standard responses for very young kids who aren't going to understand something like, "That is a powerful quirk and you could be a great hero... just don't let that potential go to your head!" There's nothing in those scenes that imply an excess of praise, at least so much that it would totally warp a kid's perspective of others to the extent Bakugo has going on. If I recall correctly, Bakugo's parents are quite disappointed in his behavior, but that never had an impact on him. And as I mentioned previously, we have incredibly talented characters like Momo (getting into U.A. on recommendation), people like Ida who come from families with other heroes they want to impress, Todoroki dealing with a crazy legacy to live up to, tied up in his abuse... yet none of them turned out like Bakugo. All of that didn't kill their compassion, but adults telling Bakugo he has a strong quirk made him into this person? Bakugo wanted to be that person, right from the start.
Honestly, I think a lot of fans latched onto Bakugo — which is awesome! — but didn't want to admit how horrible he actually is. So they took moments largely out of context and repeated them enough until they became fandom staples. Bakugo and Izuku were close childhood friends who just had a falling out they need to come back from. Bakugo was only like this because the adults in his life drove him to that behavior. Izuku loves Bakugo because he can see how good he is, deep down inside, and definitely not because he's been stuck with him since they were toddlers, unable to escape him even at U.A. It's a very sanitized look at their relationship, embraced because fans want them to be friends or lovers. Which is fine! God knows I'm into a ton of "problematic" ships, I just like acknowledging that they're problematic, not trying to sweeten the situation because fandoms have made others feel guilty for liking anything that's not squeaky clean and pure. Bakugo tormented Izuku for their entire childhood. He encouraged him to commit suicide. He tried to keep him from achieving his dream, both by undermining his confidence and outright threatening him (remember burning his shoulder?). He then reworked that obsession when they both got into U.A., trying to prove Izuku's uselessness, failing, and continually struggling with the thought that he's actually a great hero. And it's like... why do I care? This guy is a horrible person, he's been a horrible person since he was a kid, and his greatest challenge for more than half the story is acknowledging that other people aren't worthless trash. His improvement still hasn't gotten him to the standard of an average person, let alone a hero. If Bakugo were a villain, great, or if the story was going to really highlight the corruption of the hero career as a whole (we take anyone with powerful quirks, no matter how awful they are), great, but as a main character hero whose behavior is supposedly just a cover for a fantastic guy, please overlook everything he does and assume he's worthy of your respect anyway? Ehhh. Why do I care about him as a good guy when there are characters like Ida and Uraraka I could stan? To be clear, I'm not saying other fans can't enjoy whatever characters they enjoy, just that from a storytelling perspective I think it's a failure to introduce Bakugo as such an extreme, make him one of the heroes, give him such a selfish struggle, and then expect a lot of the audience to care. Bakugo either needed to be more balanced from the start — regular flaws instead of such an intense adoration for cruelty from the age of four — or the story needed to unpack his behavior in a way it never bothered to.
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janetbrown711 · 3 years
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Much request for seeing how Angelina would have acted the moment Yakko was born and how invasive she would have been/controlling and all the bickering it would have caused. I just think it's neat.
Lena was locked in the tower for six agonizing weeks. 
She was only given food and water once a day by some servant who slid it under the door. Lena was sure the only reason her mother did that was that she needed her alive, otherwise she was sure she wouldn’t waste her time. At first, Lena was... well... not happy but accepting of her food rations, but after two weeks passed very little food was able to stay down. 
So... Lena found out that she didn’t lie, and she was pregnant after all. 
In any other circumstance, Lena would’ve been overjoyed. If she weren’t in a tall, cold, dark tower high up in the castle, with William only available to visit and comfort her at night, she would’ve been excitedly planning everything out. She would’ve set aside a nursery and would’ve decorated it immediately out of excitement. She’d go into the town and look at little baby clothes from the local businesses and pick out the cutest ones. She wouldn’t have to worry about what her mother would do when they were born, or if they would end up having to be born in this dark and horrible place...
There was a moment there Lena feared she wasn’t ever going to be allowed to return, doomed to live there for the rest of her life. 
However, after six weeks a servant came up and unlocked the door, telling the princess her mother would allow her to come down. She wasn’t surprised her mother was either too much of a coward or too angry to free her herself. Still, Lena was extremely happy to be out and in the familiar clean halls of the palace, making sure to avoid her mother as much as possible, but it seemed her mother was avoiding her just as much, so at least the feeling was mutual.
Once down though, she and William quickly got to baby planning, as he was over the moon at the prospect of being a dad. They read and studied and decorated as much as possible in preparation for their little bundle of joy, perfectly fine with Angelina staying out of their way.  
And so, nine months later, Prince Yakko of Warnerstock was born. 
“I could look at him all day,” William said, admiring the sleeping newborn in Lena’s arms. 
“You’re telling me,” Lena chuckled, moving the blanket around him a little so she could better see his face. However, their moment of hypnosis was broken off when the doctor entered the room once more.
“The queen would like to speak with the two of you,” He said. Lena and William looked at each other, before looking back at him and nodding, and before they knew it, Angelina entered.
“Mother... how polite of you to ask permission before entering,” Lena snarked coldly, holding her son a little bit closer. 
“It wasn’t my choice, the doctor said he’d have to see if you were asleep or not,” She rolled her eyes. 
“What do you want?” William asked. 
“My you’re snappy. That’s no way to talk to your queen,” Angelina gave him a look. 
“Just get to the point, mother,” Lena sighed. 
“Fine,” Angelina huffed. 
“I figured I would make things easier on you two and make my intentions with your child clear from day one: I will be in charge of their education and training and his preparation to become king,” She declared. 
“What? No. Absolutely not. I won’t let you near him,” Lena shook her head and practically shielded Yakko away from his grandmother. 
“You don’t have a say in the matter, Angelina. I was simply informing you,” She said. 
“I won’t let you. I won’t let you try and mold him into the monster you wanted me to be,” Lena fought back. 
“It is not your place to tell me what to do.” Angelina raised her voice. 
“You aren’t his mother!” Lena nearly shouted, but realized she was holding a sleeping infant just in time. 
“You forget who you are speaking to!” Angelina shouted. “I am your queen, Angelina. I have the supreme authority to do whatever I want with Warnerstock’s future king.”
“If you didn’t want this to have happened, you wouldn’t have married a bastard. You’re lucky I’m letting the little creature live,” She spat, and Yakko was awoken and began to cry. Lena growled, baring her fangs, but William placed a calming hand on her shoulder, though he was clearly mad himself.  
“My decision is final. Do what you will with him in the meantime, but he will be learning under my instruction,” She smiled before exiting. 
“Shhhhh, it’s okay Yakko, she’s gone,” Lena quickly focused on her crying baby and tried rocking him. 
“This is bad... isn’t it?” William put a hand on his forehead as he tried to process. 
“William I don’t want to think about that right now,” Lena sighed and continued rocking. “I just want to enjoy having a baby, is that too much to ask?” She closed her eyes. 
“Of course not, my love,” He wrapped an arm around her. “I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time to enjoy it, don’t worry. It’ll be several years before he’s ready for proper schooling, we’ll practically have him all to ourselves.”
That did make her feel a little better, but she was still angry. Her mother had no right to insult her precious baby boy like that, or William for that matter- and the audacity to just burst in and declare that she’d be taking over his education- who did she think she was?
The queen. 
Her mother was the queen, and there was nothing she could do about that.
Lena sighed as Yakko’s cries finally ceased. 
“Well, then we’re going to make sure none of her lessons get through to him. We’ll make sure he’s kind, brave, and fiercely intelligent, won’t we William?” She said to Yakko. 
“Of course,” William smiled tiredly. “We simply won’t let her get away with this.”
“He’ll be such a good person, her corruption won’t stand a chance,” She smiled down at Yakko too. 
She wasn’t going to give up hope, not now. They were going to be a happy family despite her mother’s influences- somehow. She and William were going to figure it out, just you wait. 
And so Lena and William did their best to raise Yakko to be the kindest, bravest, and most intelligent little kid he could be. Behind the queen’s back, William would read him stories of brave knights and evil queens and teach him how to read said stories, and Lena would teach him compassion with all forms of life in the gardens. There were times Lena thought that perhaps the day her mother would begin her lessons would never come and that it would just be the three of them forever, but the day after Yakko’s fifth birthday Lena and William were summoned to the throne room and were told it was time. William wanted to put up a fight, but they both knew it was useless, and so they pulled Yakko away from playing with his baby brother, and walked Yakko to her mother’s private study. 
“Remember Yakko, what did I say?” Lena asked, holding his hand. 
“Sit still, listen, and answer questions,” Yakko beamed at his mother. Lena nodded. 
“And remember, if there’s anything you disagree with, you can ask us about it after the lessons,” William reminded. Yakko nodded. 
“Then can I play with Wakko?” He asked his father. 
“He needs to take his nap, as do you when this is done,” William chuckled.
“Just remember, your grandmother can be wrong about a great number of things, though she doesn’t like to have it pointed out,” Lena explained for the millionth time. William gave her a sympathetic look. 
“Well- here we are,” Lena said, as she realized they had reached their destination. 
“Fancy,” the prince said, admiring the craftsmanship of the door. Lena chuckled, but the laughter was suppressed when the door opened. 
“There you are. You’re almost late,” Angelina looked at them. 
“Almost late is on time,” Lena shot back. 
“Barely,” The queen scoffed and stepped aside, motioning for Yakko to come in. Yakko froze, looking back at his parents. 
“It’s alright dear, we’ll be right here when you’re done, we promise,” William got on his knees and gave Yakko a hug. 
“We don’t have all day,” Angelina cut them off. 
“Good luck honey,” Lena gave Yakko a quick kiss on the forehead before Yakko then scurried inside the study. 
The queen gave them a look before closing the door and shutting them out. 
“You will sit there, at the center table,” Angelina pointed at the seat, and Yakko ran to it. 
“A good king takes his time, no need for running around when you have servants to do so,” Angelina remarked. 
“Running is fun. So is jumping, and skipping, and dancing, and-”
“A good king is also quiet, and listens to his superiors,” The queen interrupted Yakko, which got him to shut up. 
“M’sorry,” He said. 
Angelina scoffed. “Well at least they taught you something useful,” she said as she went to her chalkboard and wrote down those two ‘lessons’. 
“Why is running bad?” He asked. 
“A good student raises his hand before speaking, and waits until he is spoken to,” Angelina didn’t even look back before writing. Yakko lowered his head in embarrassment, making sure to keep note. Yakko raised his hand. 
“Yes, Yakko?” She sighed. 
“Why is running bad?” He asked. 
“It’s improper and wild. A good king is orderly, and in control at all times,” She explained.  “Take for example... your father. He isn’t king, so he runs around all the time. It’s because of that he isn’t king, understood?” She asked. 
Yakko thought about that. 
He didn’t think there was anything wrong with his dad playing chase and tag with him, but he wasn’t king, unlike him someday. 
He nodded. 
“Good,” She smiled, before something Yakko’s pocket caught her eye. 
“What is that?” She pointed. Yakko’s face lit up as he dug it out. 
“That’s my toy! It’s a bunny I named Bu-”
“Kings do not play with toys, especially toy rabbits,” Angelina held out her hand. Yakko blinked. 
“I’m not king yet,” he said. 
“Not yet, but you will be one day, so you must prepare. Hand it over,” She said, raising her voice slightly. With an eep, Yakko handed it over, and she took it away. 
“Good, the last thing you need to be is distracted,” She said, putting it into a pocket in her dress. Yakko raised his hand. 
“Yes?” She sighed, raising an eyebrow. 
“Can I have it back after?” He asked. 
“No, Yakko. This training is of the utmost importance. The fate of the kingdom will soon rest on your shoulders, and it’s important to prepare yourself for that reality,” She explained softly. Yakko thought long and hard about that. 
“Okay...” He ultimately agreed. After all, it did make sense. 
In all of the storybooks he read, kings were shown as strong and stoic, never playing with dolls or toys or even little brothers. They were brave and did what was best for others- though Yakko wasn’t sure he wanted to give up all of that just yet. He liked those things after all. 
But if it would make him a good king...
“Good, let's carry on then,” Angelina said with a smile, and they continued their lesson.
And they did. Angelina told him tales of kings of old, and what traits they did and didn’t have, and which ones Yakko should aspire for, and Yakko listened and kept notes in his head. After all, nothing she said felt wrong, it made sense, so Yakko saw no need for alarm. Plus, it was fun learning about the history of his family, and the legacy he was to carry on. 
Yakko knew he was going to like his grandmother’s lessons. 
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8
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scarletbluebird13 · 3 years
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Hi! Could I request some general MK fluff headcanons?
*Screams into the void* Nonnie, I’m so very sorry this took a   v e r y   long time for me to do for you -- I hope you can forgive me. So, without further adieu, here’s your request - I sincerely hope it’s to your liking and my apologies if the wait was most certainly not worth it. To you and the other people who requested: I’m so sorry for the long wait and if I made you feel ignored. Thank you so much for your patience, I really do appreciate it. <3
PSA: I’d gotten this request *quite* a while ago and had begun working on it that week. At the time, Kazuomi’s “Lover Occultus - First Night” had not been released. I’d begun working on this December 4, 2020. To this day (March 14, 2021) I’ve yet to read Kazuomi’s “Lover Occultus - First Night.” (i’m well aware I’m a horrible writer and mk fan - sue me) 
for what it was worth, it was worth all the while
Kazuomi: 
It’s just another wednesday night
Except it’s not
Kazuomi being - well, Kazuomi - decided to take you on a trip 
It was, like everything else he does, spontaneous
All you did to get swept up in this madness was become someone important to him
If you hadn’t walked into his office when you had, he was going to personally go to your apartment and drag you out of there
So really, you saved him the trip 
When he told you he was taking you on a trip, you were confused 
“When?” 
“Now” 
You not having a suitcase packed or anything wasn’t an issue
Kazuomi had a bunch of stuff in the closet for you 
Of course, it wouldn’t be kazuomi if a little bet was involved
You really wanted to know where you were going
But he refused to say
SO the second the words “How about a bet?” fell from your lips,
Never one to stray from wagers, he stopped what he was doing, and smirking a bit, looked slightly over his shoulder, waiting for you to continue
“I get to ask you three - and only three - questions about where it is we’re headed. You have to answer truthfully, and I can’t outright ask you where it is we’re going. After I’ve asked the questions, I get one shot at guessing where we’re going. If I win, you have to watch a Tom Cruise movie with me and you’ve got to actually pay attention to the movie.”
“What if you lose?”
“Choose your prize.”
“Oho, I get to choose?”
“I’m going to regret this later, but yes, you can choose.”
“I want to see a picture of you when you were little - the most recent one you have on your phone.”
You grumbled, but agreed. 
Aaaand, of course, Lady Luck was on Kazuomi’s side again (although, when is she not?)
So you had to start digging through your phone looking for a picture. 
That bastard had the biggest smirk on his face
He teased you the whole flight, wondering what kind of picture he’d get to see
Finally, after what seemed like 50 hours (more like 12 hours, to be exact), the private plane landed
Well, you’d never guessed here, of all the other places Kazuomi could’ve taken you. 
You were in Mexico. 
Kazuomi’d taken you to the country his adoptive father would bring him to on vacations. 
Your heart felt a twinge of pain, but mostly, you melted at the fact that Kazuomi’d want to bring you somewhere so close to his past - to him. 
The rest of the day (since the time and flight did a number on the both of you) you’d headed to a hotel together, opting to get some rest before exploring
But Kazuomi woke you up 
It was dark out, and you were still a bit tired
But he had that boyish look in his eye 
And you knew you couldn’t go back to sleep then - not when he got excited like this 
Not that you’d ever tell him, but you thought this boyish side to him was adorable 
He got you out of bed, and asked you to follow him 
“Not like I could go back to sleep anyway” was your response
“I want to show you something”
He led you to the rooftop,
Mexico City’s lights glistening below the both of you
The rich smell (and sounds) of street vendors selling elotes and carne asada to passersby filled your senses
Curiously, you looked down and admired the world beneath your feet
“Lay down”
You turned around and found Kazuomi laying on his back, eyes looking to the celestial world above you rather than the glittering one below 
Following his lead, you let yourself down beside him, still wondering why Mexico of all places, and why bring you here -- and why did he wake you up
He wrapped one arm around you, and as if reading your mind, said
“I didn’t have a lot growing up. Everyday, before I met my adoptive father, I was on the streets - not knowing if I’d live to see the next day. But then one day, that changed. I was adopted, and lived out a grand life with him. I never again had to worry about living to the next day - which, before my time on the streets, was something I took for granted.”
“I’m lucky to have someone by my side - you. I get to bring you to these places - the ones where I visited on holidays. During a time when I was safe again - where it wasn’t me against the world or the elements.”
“I mean, yeah, it was bad - but there was some semblance of hope.” 
“In my mind, back then, the world I knew was cruel and dark. Hateful. Corrupt. Sinister. Cold. Unforgiving. Merciless. The days were hard, but the nights were harder. Then again, the nights weren’t so bad. That’s because when I thought all the world was bleak, I’d lay down, get ready to sleep - but when I did, I always saw the stars. They’re always in clusters. Never alone. They shine, and give off so much light - they’re beautiful.”
“When I thought all the world was bleak, the stars proved me wrong. They’re proof that even when things get bad, when everything seems dark, there’s a glimmer of home somewhere out there. And I want to believe that because they’re always in clusters they’re never really alone - and we’re never really alone.”
“I wanted to bring you here because you’re that important to me. You’re worth my secrets - knowing my every mystery. So I wanted to show you this. The stars. The things that restore my wonder, awe, and hope when I thought there was nothing. They’re what made me want to build resorts for people, so they’d never feel that depth of loneliness that I’ve felt.”
He looks over at you, a sense of sadness hanging there, in his eyes, nearly snuffing out the boyish look you’d seen in him not five minutes before. 
“That’s enough of me, now, show me that picture of you.” He says, a smirk tugging at his lips, attempting to erase the melancholic grip around his heart. 
Thankful you brought your phone with you, you pulled it out, showing Kazuomi a picture of you when you were about five.
You’re wearing a dress, covered in mud, and crying. 
Kazuomi’s smirk dissolved into a laugh, trying not hard enough to hold back a laugh following his snort 
You explain that you were playing in the park when you’d slipped on a patch of mud, somehow scraping your knee in the process
He couldn’t hold back anymore
The image of a cherubic, muddy, crying version of the strong, capable woman before him made him forget where he was 
Although on any other day you’d hate the fact he was laughing at you, you were okay with it.
For a long time, Kazuomi’s smile was barely a ‘smile’
For so long he’d been in pain, and he’d been burying it. 
Now though - he had you.
He chose to bring you to a place close to his heart - after he’d been saved.
He opened up to you and told you a story about the stars up above that helped him get through it. 
And you made him laugh 
As you lay there, looking at him, laughing, you decided to engrave this moment in your mind. 
You promised yourself then; 
When things got hard for him again, you’d be there. Ready to help him through whatever may stand in his way. 
Yuzuru:
Blankets of white covered everything in sight
Christmas lights decorated the streets 
every woman envied you - you were beautiful, smart, had wit, but most of all;
You were the only one who captivated Yuzuru
The only one he made those eyes at - 
You were the only one who held his heart
And he made sure you knew that
Every winter, when the snow coated everything, he’d take you to a winter festival in the heart of Tokyo
Ice and snow sculptures alike littered the area, food stands selling warm food stood at attention beside the gaming booths. 
Children chase each other, their mothers following close behind badgering their children to wear the scarves and hats they’d left behind.
Seated beside Yuzuru on a bench, you watch two children playing together: a boy and a girl.
He’s running in circles away from her, and she roars as she chases him. 
Thinking the scene adorable, you chuckle a bit as you rest your head in the palm of your hand, your elbow digging into your thigh. 
Suddenly, a welcome warmth makes its presence known on your otherwise numb free hand. 
“They’re cute.”
“Yeah.” you say, enchanted by the children
“What do you think about becoming a mother?” 
Surprised at the sudden question, you face him, seeing he’s completely serious - then again, Yuzuru’s not one who’d say something like that in a joking manner.
“It’s something I’d want, but with my line of work, it’s dangerous - not only for me, but for the kid.” 
You say, turning back to look at the children innocently playing - not a care in the world. 
“That makes sense - but you are open to becoming a mother, aren’t you? It is something you want?”
“Yeah, I’m still open to it - what’s with all the questions, by the way?” 
“I thought it was an important discussion. Especially if we’re to get married one day.”
The way he nonchalantly said that almost made you think you’d merely imagined that last bit
“Afterall,” he continues
“You are the only woman I’d want to be the mother of my children.” 
A promise of the future, made to you. 
Did he know how flustered that made you? 
Probably. Probably not.
Did he know if he’d chosen to have this conversation at a party with all those shabby women gathered around him they’d be seething?
Absolutely not. 
He’s a bit oblivious that way.
And yes, the jealousy can get suffocating, but it makes you happy to think that Yuzu’s already thinking this far ahead - for the both of you.
The man who’s known solitude all of his life, fantasizes of a future with you - of a life with no more solitude. A life where you’re together (yes, maybe Victoria’ll be the third wheel - but she’s okay. Afterall, it still brings a smile to your face when you think back on her interrupting you two that night - when Yuzuru’s temperature steadily increased--). 
Kei:
You two had a small little date planned for the day 
What seemed to be a simple date at his place, drinking tea
Turned into one of the more peaceful days in both your lives. 
Before either of you knew it, he’d fallen asleep on your shoulder. 
Probably because he’d just returned from having to do some work at the embassy and prior to that - deal with something that’d come up back in London.
How long had it been since he’d properly slept?
Despite him being weary and tired, he’d kept his promise to go on a date with you when he returned. 
Kei’s heart’s been scarred and broken far too many times, so for this angel with tattered wings to sleep next to you
Made you smile 
He may not know how to properly express himself 
But for you? 
He’d do just about anything 
You looked at his sleeping face for just a bit longer, doing everything you could to spread this moment out longer. 
Just a bit more
Memorize his scent mixed with the smell of the tea 
Feel his soft warmth against your skin - a blanket of fortitude against the cold
Commit the sound of his breathing and the pulses of his heart to memory
Remember the way his eyelashes slightly quiver against his porcelain cheeks
Remember this moment, for the both of you 
Because honestly, you could be sent on a mission tomorrow, he could leave for London this afternoon, and you two’d never have this moment of isolated serenity again. 
Well, for a while, anyway.
Wanting to protect the resting devious angel at your shoulder, you couldn’t help but slide into a comforting rest yourself.
And there you two remain, the perfect picture of devotion and protection. Serenity and grace. How long would this illusion last? This fragile moment frozen in glass and tainted by the amber hues of the setting sun? 
Probably not long, but for what it was worth, it was worth all the while.
Boss:
A rare day off for the both of you.
It seemed like a once-in-a-lifetime thing that’d only happen well -- only once.
He’d taken you to the observatory
Just a day of walking around, looking at different constellations and sitting in that one dark room looking up at the ceiling where millions upon millions of tiny little stars gleamed
You were breath taken by the sight, and never would’ve looked away 
Except
Boss caressed your cheek with his long fingers, all the warmth and gentle care in the world seeming to be at the tips, gliding across your cheek
You look over at him 
“I love the way you look at the stars”
Embarrassed, your cheeks turning a bright rosy pink, visible even under the artificial cover of night, you cover it up with a quick quip, turning your head to the side.
“Well that’s the way you look at soy sauce.” 
Nonetheless, he chuckles and holds your head close 
Chin resting atop your head and hand running down your back, he whispers - quiet enough you almost can’t hear him;
“Always so quick to get flustered ...But that’s okay. As long as I’m the only one capable of flustering you, just as you are me.”  
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alewyren · 3 years
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I dislike redemption arc culture.
I hate seeing arguments over which characters are “irredeemable,” and this notion that every villain story has to be a morally didactic narrative in which the bad guy gets punished, the end.
I’m almost tempted to say we were all spoiled by having Zuko as a formative experience, because he’s really just the picture perfect redemption arc. He started out as a legit villain, but he never did anything too atrocious, had a tragic backstory that explained why he was like that, and went through three whole seasons of gradual character development. Like, Zuko was an amazing character. That’s the problem, though; he set our expectations too high for what “the perfect redemption arc” should be. Everyone expects their “reformed villain” characters to follow those same beats, but not every story is that cut and dry. There are lines between redemption and reformation, reformation and rehabilitation, rehabilitation and just... continuing to exist but no longer hurting anyone, and there’s a lot of nuance lost when people try to cram all that into the box of “redemption arc.”
Gonna be bringing a lot of different examples to the table here, but let’s start with Azula for ease of transition. She went through the same abuse that Zuko did, but she never got a redemption arc in ATLA proper. Some people say this isn’t fair. I disagree. This is not to say I don’t think she should be afforded the opportunity for post-canon character growth, because I absolutely do. I fully think she is capable of Getting Better, and spinoff media has consistently portrayed her as a sympathetic character. But like... she’s done some shit. She was a straight up war criminal, and emotionally abusive towards basically everyone in her social circle. I understand why. She was a 14 year old raised in an environment that rewarded that behavior, and never given a healthy outlet for her aggression.
The difference, in my opinion, is this: Zuko was fundamentally a good person from the start. Far from perfect, but he has a strong sense of values even as a child. Azula is not. Redemption for someone like Azula would look much different than it did for Zuko. Besides, in ATLA proper she was already filling an important villain role. She’d need her own show. (Which would be awesome, actually.)
But I think that’s where you have to ask the question: what even is a redemption arc? Is it any story where a villain stops being a villain? Is there a scale for like, “must do X amount of good deeds equal to Y bad deeds to qualify for redemption”? Must they be sufficiently punished for their bad deeds? What if reformation is possible without punishment--is punishment for its own sake truly justice? The focus people have on penance and atonement feels very baked in Christian moral philosophy. People don’t work like that. There’s not a cosmic scale of right and wrong, or a cosmic sin counter, there’s just... actions and their immediate impact. Bad people being let off the hook too easily can leave a bad taste in your mouth, and there are of course things with unfortunate real world implications which can’t be divorced from real-world context which are... irresponsible to allow in the hands of Certain Groups, but I hate this notion of “villains must be punished appropriately for their crimes, always, even if they have extenuating circumstances, even if they have demonstrated the capacity for personal growth, because that personal growth will never negate their misdeeds.”
In real life, it’s different. In real life, you can never be sure what’s going on in another person’s head. But the prison system of justice is fundamentally broken. People are rarely fundamentally evil, but there are some people who are too twisted and dangerous to society to be allowed to live without, at the very least, constant supervision. True evil is banal, rooted in social systems, not individual “bad people.” People have individual will, but ultimately they’re just the products of the environment and systems that fostered them. Setting aside the questions of whether people can be born evil or at what age you become personally responsible for your actions, you will get bad apples in any sufficiently large group of people. If someone has to be punished and removed from society, that’s not a success of justice. The fact that they reached that point in the first place is a failure of society in and of itself.
In fiction, technically everyone is redeemable. You can get into the heads of the bad guys and do basically whatever you want with them. Fiction should be responsible when dealing with real-world issues that affect real people, but it does not have to be morally didactic. Sometimes there just... isn’t an easy, morally didactic answer for dealing with morally complicated characters or situations. And more importantly, sometimes the morally didactic answer isn’t the narratively interesting answer. 9 out of 10 times, what’s more interesting to read about? A horrible villain being put to death, or a horrible villain being forced to live and grow?
Some hypothetical examples to ponder, purely in the context of fiction.
Horrible war criminal villain with a body count in the millions has all memories of their crimes wiped, or is forcibly brainwashed into being a better person. Setting aside the ethics of brainwashing: are they still required to “repent”? Would a victim still be justified in seeking penance from this guilt-free shell? Would this change at all depending on who was responsible for the mind-wipe?
More realistic: horrible war criminal villain with a body count in the millions straight up retires. Gets older. Bloodlust, national zeal, whatever once motivated them to do such evil loses its edge. They fall in love. Start a family. As they grow as a person, learn the value of life, the weight of their crimes starts to sink in. They atone in little ways, through little random acts of kindness and helping the people around them, but for one reason or another (not wanting to risk harm to their family, knowing they’ll be tortured for information? you decide) don’t turn themselves into the proper justice system and are never punished. Should they be punished, or allowed to continue existing? Would this change at all depending on the surrounding political circumstances, i.e.: whether their public execution would hold any symbolic value, whether affected groups are calling for their death? Does it matter at all in deciding justice whether this hypothetical villain feels personal guilt or regret over their war crimes? Why or why not?
Child villains. IRL there are documented cases of violent crime in children as young as grade school age, not all of whom had violent backgrounds. Should they be held to the same standards as adult villains, even if the scale of their crimes are the same? What’s the cutoff age? Are all villains under 18 capable of rehabilitation, no matter how horrible their crimes? How about 16? 14? 12? What about villains whose ages aren’t really clear, ie Cell from DBZ being like, six?
How much does backstory matter? Should it matter if there’s a good reason someone is Like That, or should their actions be judged as-is? It doesn’t matter to the victims whether or not the villain had a bad childhood, right? Moreover, does it matter at all whether someone is “fundamentally a good person,” at least insofar as genuinely caring about the people around them and caring about a moral code? People do evil things for reasons other than “being evil people.”
Morally bankrupt person who regularly fantasizes violent harm on the people around them, wholly selfish with no love for any other human being, fundamentally incapable of meaningful self-reflection or growth. Just a complete piece of shit all around. But they never have, and never will, commit any crimes, either due to some divine ordinance or just plain self-preservation/fear of getting caught. They might, at worst, just be a toxic asshole, but not one who holds any power over others. Should they be punished solely for their moral character, rather than actions?
There aren’t always easy answers. It’s okay to acknowledge that, and it’s okay to tackle hard moral questions like this in fiction. And I hate seeing this boiled down to “stop trying to redeem villains who are Actually Horrible People” or whatever. Especially in kids’ media which takes an optimistic stance on people being capable of change in the first place. Y’all gotta stop holding it to the same level of moral realism as gritty stuff for adults.
On the whole, I think we should do away with the term “redemption” in the context of morality entirely. Like redemption arc, redemption equals death, what does that mean? It implies one has sufficiently made up for their past deeds, that that’s the gold standard, but is that really ever possible? Like I said, there’s not a cosmic good deeds | bad deeds counter for every person, or at least not one that living people have any way of knowing about. And that’s a flawed way of thinking to begin with. Those bad deeds can never be erased, ever. There plenty of examples of villains who commit crimes they can never realistically atone for. Regardless of whether they want to atone in the first place, it’s like I said: in fiction, it’s often just... more fun to force them to live and deal with the consequences. But on the flipside, there are so, so many people who see themselves as “good” and use that to justify their own bad deeds. Which ties back into what I said about the whole discourse reeking of Christian moral philosophy, because lmfao @ corruption in the catholic church.
The point is. There are shades of grey. Not everything has to be a full-blown bad guy to good guy redemption arc. You don’t need to “properly atone for your sins” to be worthy of life or love.
Here are some better questions to ask than “is this character redeemable”:
Is it believable, from what we know of this villain as a character, that they are capable of becoming a good, law-abiding citizen?
How about capable of love?
Guilt?
Are they capable of any personal growth whatsoever?
Are they capable of being a positive impact on the lives of the people around them?
Is it actively harmful to leave them alive, even with clipped wings?
Is it interesting to leave them alive?
How morally didactic is the narrative as a whole?
How much forgiveness are they offered, versus how much could they possibly ever deserve?
How abstracted is this character from reality, ie: are there any real world parallels that make it uncomfortable to frame this character in a sympathetic light? (be careful not to fall into a black and white abuser/victim dichotomy)
Would further punishment or suffering be productive? (Productive, not justified, that’s a key distinction--punishment for its own sake is just pointless cruelty.)
Even the most vile, irredeemable bastards can still be dragged like... an inch. And that’s still a fun and valuable story in and of itself, even if it’s nothing remotely approaching a redemption arc and they’d very much still deserve to rot in Hell by the end of it. I don’t believe Hell is real, as much as I personally wish it were sometimes, but like. If it were, or in fictional universes where it is.
But also, there really are some characters and botched “redemption arcs” that just come off insanely uncomfortable. And there is a subjective aspect to that as well, but more than once I’ve seen people say “X villain did not deserve redemption/forgiveness” and 9 times out of 10 I’m like “that’s... really not what they got, though?”
It’s complicated.
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allet-art · 4 years
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Forgiveness (SUF fanfic)
Word Count: ~5.4k
Summary: The weight of Steven’s ‘accident’ begins to weigh on the gems after his corruption is dealt with... and there is time to be mad and to forgive.
Characters: Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaren, Pearl, Amethyst, Garnet, Jasper
Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Forgiveness, Individual dealing with emotional problems, Coping
Read on AO3
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Pearl wraps her arms around her middle, fingers clutching into her thin frame. “I just… How? Why? I still… Can’t believe it.”
She shakes her head into the tension. Connie, Garnet and Amethyst are in the living room as well, sharing her emotions.
Steven was staying with Greg in the van while he was still cooling down from his ‘meltdown’. On the morning of the next day, the diamonds and Spinel felt safe enough to leave, and everything else settled into it’s place. 
And yet, some questions remain unanswered. 
Pearl shakes her head again. “Is it selfish of me? I mean… Rose never… Did anything like this. Not even as Pink, I spoke to Volly, even as a diamond she never… and he...” She sighs, tired, closing her eyes. “We should be there for him right now. I should be there for him, but… how?”
Garnet, still processing silently, places her hand on Pearl’s shoulder to steady her. Pearl gives her a small, but grateful smile.
Amethyst shrugs, clutching her knees to her chest with her arms wrapped around them, staring into one of the wood walls.
Connie speaks up, carefully. “I’m sure it’s… it wasn’t that bad. He said it was an accident, right?” 
Pearl nods a little, and Connie goes on. “Well, come on. This is Steven we’re talking about.” 
Connie’s gears are turning as she tries to figure something out, think of some way to fit this information into the world in a way that makes sense.
“If he jumped over a river to show off to her, and Jasper decided to one-up him by jumping off a cliff and getting herself hurt, he’d still say it was entirely his fault, you know?”
Connie’s voice tries to be perhaps a little too humorous for the situation, trying to ease the tension, but the other gems don’t seem to mind that. Pearl nods a little again, but Amethyst looks ready to growl at anyone who came close to her. Garnet remains stiff.
Pearl tries to partially unwrap herself from her own arms. “You’re… you’re right, maybe we’re all just… spinning this into something worse than it really is. He did say it was an accident.”
Her voice is only a tad calmer, but she tries desperately to sound casual. Connie tries to smile, never good at the fake smiles, and goes on.
“Yeah, yeah! It was just an accident. That’s what he said, and he’s just, blaming himself for everything again.”
Everything falls quiet again for a few moments. That sounds nice. That, however, still doesn’t quite cover all of his reactions, all of his breakdown that they saw, the crazed, darting eyes while he spat out everything he’d done. 
There was something more, and they knew. It was nice to hold on to that hope, but if Jasper really had just done something stupid, he wouldn’t have reacted that way. It wouldn’t have broken him that much.
“Or,” Connie speaks up into the quiet again, feeling doubt creeping into the air, knowing that the gems felt more like they were lying to themselves if they tried to believe just that. “Or he tried to show something to her, and… missed?” She pauses, then quickly adds, “he’s not very proficient in precise strikes. He probably didn’t want to hurt her, just, show off or something?”
Connie doesn’t quite believe herself. But the thought that Steven would shatter someone, while wanting to hurt them... it didn’t fit. That’s not the Steven they know, that’s not something he would do. They trust him more than that. He never wants to hurt anyone.
And yet, another unspoken problem was what he said about White Diamond. The way he said it. Connie still shivers thinking of it, of the motion he made with his hands to demonstrate, like he’d done it before, like he knew exactly what he was doing. Like he’d been thinking about it, in that intense, late-night overthinking way until you know every detail, until you’re just a tiny step away from executing it.
Connie feels the pressure on her shoulders. She’s supposed to look after his human side. She’s supposed to be the one who knew him the best, who knew what he needed and how to help him. Of course they still love him. Of course they’ll still take care of him.
That fact could fully co-exist with the desire to know exactly what happened, with the thought that maybe, they had a right to know. This shed a different light on him, one way or another.
---
“You…” Connie starts, voice more confused and uncertain than anything else “you killed her.” 
He cringes a little. “I didn’t mean to! I just wanted…”, he pauses, breathes out in defeat that there is no way this is going to sound any less bad than it already does, “to win.”
Deafening silence hangs between them, before Connie’s soft whisper carries into the breeze. “Why?”
“I don’t know.” He closes his eyes. No. He does know. “To prove I’m… not weak.”
He knows how that sounds, knows that he has no possible explanation that could soothen any of this. The deeper they dug, the worse it got.
“To whom?”
“I don’t know!” Frustration seeps into his voice, making him stop and breathe for a moment before continuing. “To her. But also… to me.”
“You’re not weak.” She murmurs, looking over him.
He lets out a small, dry laugh, like one would have to a sarcastic joke. 
Suddenly she sits up. “You’re not weak! You’re really, really strong. Steven, you’re literally half diamond!”
He doesn’t look over to her, just keeps staring at the sky. “Does me a lot of good, doesn’t it? I cry over dropping my lunch.”
“That’s not weakness.” She says firmly, looking down at him.
He jerks up as well now, annoyed. “It’s not? Really? Standing alone in the middle of nowhere crying over a mistake I made, that just proves how little I actually amount to on my own?”
Connie goes on in a similar tone. “Never crying isn’t strength! Strength is being patient and fair to others, and you are. You are because you know how bad it can feel to not have that!”
He shakes his head, letting a thought he usually keeps to himself spill out. “I’m just a pushover.”
“You’re not. You can fight!”
“Connie, what’s the point in being able to fight if I can’t hurt a fly!”
She goes quiet, looking out to the ocean. “But you can.” She ignores the twinge of guilt she feels at what she’s about to say. “And you did.”
He goes quiet, staring down at his own hands.
Connie lays her palm on his knee carefully. “Strength isn’t being able to hurt people. You know that. Nobody thinks you’re weak.”
“Jasper did.”
“And you proved her wrong. And now she thinks you’re strong.”
He looks up, unsure where she’s going with this.
“Does it feel better? Now that you proved it?”
He stares back down at his hands, clenches them to fists. His voice is suddenly barely audible, tension making it come out breathless, pressed out with a deep kinda of anger, frustration.
“Why are you so sure the answer is no?”
Connie frowns, only growing more worried. She pulls her hand back, an uncertainty spreading through her.
He releases his hands but doesn’t lift his gaze. “You think I’m some kind of perfect star child, don’t you? Like I would die to do the right thing in a heartbeat, and not even feel bad about it!” He lifts his gaze, gesturing, a mixture of pained humor and anger. “Like it would be my wish to break myself to pieces for everyone and then be happy about it!”
Connie goes quiet for a while before speaking up again, her hand going over the grass between them. “So how does it feel?”
His posture relaxes a little in defeat. “Not as horrible as it should.”
He finishes, he expects her to be angry, to be mad, to tell him he’s not the person she thought he was, or that he’s grown colder, or lost his heart, but she doesn’t.
“But how does it?”
He keeps his voice flat, too loud to be soft. “Why do you want to know?”
“Because… because I know you.” Something akin to hurt seeps into her voice, quiet and unsure. “Because we’ve always told eachother everything.”
He looks at her, hopeful eyes looking up at his in search for the truth. He feels something in his chest melt when her voice sounds like she’s close to crying, not over what he’s done but over the fact that he won’t tell her.
His shoulders relax and his face softens, and he feels the need to take her hands in his and soothe her and wish he wouldn’t be causing her this much hurt.
“I’m not… sure?” His voice is softer now, gentler, even if he doesn’t know what to say.
Finally he gives in to the feeling, deciding if she doesn’t want it she can just pull away. So he takes her hand off the grass softly and wraps both his soft, smooth hands around hers, her skin tougher, rougher from the sword fighting and sports and hard work, his protected always by his shield, his magic.
She moves her other hand to the bundle as well, and Steven’s hands hold both of them as if he’s holding the most important thing in the world, as if a wrong move could scare her away or hurt her.
Steven starts, talking softer now. “I don’t know if there’s… anything I can say to make this right. I don’t think there’s anything there to make it right at all. So I don’t understand why you’re still here.”
He presses his hands together over hers gently, emotion filling his chest. “I want to- I mean, it’s hard. The truth. But if you want to know, then… I want to tell you. But it’s not pretty.” Then, like a realization, as if it’s something new, “I’m… not perfect.”.
“Of course you’re not perfect.” She turns her hands, holding him back but still comforted by the feeling of their heavy warmth around hers. “People… make mistakes. Of course you’re determined by which ones you make and don’t make. But you’re also determined in how you deal with them.”
He wants to be honest, so he pushes the feeling out of his chest and to his throat. “It was something I could have avoided,” he murmurs, “but I didn’t. I… I don’t have good reasons for why it happened, I was pent up, and angry, and curious.” He looks up at her again. “Isn’t that horrible? Curious what my powers would do to her? Tell me.” He presses their hands together a bit more. “Tell me that it’s horrible. I know it is.”
“Steven...” Connie has to collect her thoughts, weigh them. She shouldn’t excuse what happened. But the person cradling her hands already knows that.
“What happened isn’t good, but… you’re willing to make up for it, aren’t you?”
“Of course I am! But I can’t always fix everything. We were lucky to have the diamonds on our side. If this had happened sooner, then...” He shakes his head. “This is bad. The fact that I can… lose myself like that.” He takes a deep breath. “But it was still me. I think that’s… hardest to grasp.”
“You were powered up though, right?”
“Yeah, but… powering up doesn’t make me someone else. It’s still me. I can still hold back. That’s the worst part.” Pushing the words out hurts, makes him want to curl up and hide and wait for it all to cool down instead, but he can’t. He wants to be honest. If anybody deserves to know, it’s Connie. “I chose to...” He gulps down the rest of the sentence, unable to bring it over his tongue.
She lets out a small sigh. “I know.”
They sit in silence, hands still wrapped, the roar of the ocean waves accompanying them.
Steven’s thoughts run in circles, over and over, until he finally speaks up again. “Connie?”
“Hm?”
“Do you… still like me?”
She smiles. “Of course I still like you.”
“But I’m dangerous. I hurt someone. Badly.”
“You also brought peace to the galaxy, and your family consists mostly of people who are dangerous and have hurt others.” Her more cheerful tone fades as she goes on. “Don’t get me wrong, this is… new. I mean, you didn’t change the moment it happened, I think we just… found out something new about you, that came to light because life changes around you. Because you’ve been changing gradually, for a long time.”
He sits quietly as she continues.
“And I don’t mean to say that this is you, or something that you do now! Or that you changed for the worse. I think growing up the way you did, and all these new powers… you were left directionless, more so than any of us thought you were. I had no idea Jasper and you could end up this toxic. And you can still change. It’s your choice to never let it get that way again, but...”
“But what?”
“But not becoming that way again means changing.”
“Of course. I just have to avoid Jasper, and avoid using my powers-”
“No.” Her firm tone cuts him off. “That’s exactly what you were doing before. That’s not changing, that’s reusing your old strategy.”
“But then how do I-?”
“It happened, because you felt weak. So maybe you can work on feeling strong, in a way that doesn’t base itself on hurting others. I’m sure the gems can help with that.”
“I don’t know if they can.”
Connie finally gets her hands out of the warm wrap and intertwines hers with his. “They can support you, and I can support you. But the changing part will have to be your choice, and will involve you working for that goal. You don’t want what happened with Jasper to happen again, do you?”
“Well, no, but…”
“But?”
“But nothing has made me feel better other than what I did with Jasper in… in months! Maybe years.”
“There’s other things that will make you feel better. Like talking about it. We can help you find something, but only if you work on it too.” She grows a bit more stern. “And continue therapy.”
He looks up from their hands, and Connie goes on. “You don’t have to sacrifice feeling better for moral rightness. You just need to find something else to feel good with. Healing is hard. But at the end, you’ll hopefully feel better, even better than you did when fighting. Much better.”
His voice is nothing more than a gentle, hopeful breath. “You think so?”
“Mhm.”
They sit quietly before Steven speaks up again. “Thanks, Connie.”
She looks up to him even though he’s looking away.
“I think just this helped already.”
---
Pearl stands silent and relaxed in the midst of her room. With a precise pose, a collection of shields she once kept for Rose rise to the surface.
She opens her eyes, cold white fingertips going over the rough and rusted metal. She sees her own reflection, ice blue eyes staring back at her.
Calculated, is what new gems of the rebellion would call her. Certainly they believed Rose to be in charge and struggled to understand Pearl wasn’t just an accessory for their leader, but once they saw her in battle, that changed. She made sure of it. She proved herself, to every single one.
Unlike everyone else, she knew Rose. Knew Pink. She could have never shattered gems of her own court, of the other diamond’s courts. Pearl thought she understood at the time, because they were to return once Earth was free.
She remembered Rose’s silent musing long after they’d met Garnet, remembers the day she came up to Pearl and told her all gems are precious. Of course they were, Pearl knew that. No, she said, it’s different. How could it be different? Each gem had a purpose, so they were precious in their own way, like metal rings of a chain. 
Jasper came so close to poofing Rose. Pearl knew what she had to do. She fought, she dodged, she cried and yelled and screamed and reformed so fast it was painful, knowing Rose’s form was trembeling behind her. She could not last long.
She remembered how distant Pink had been to Jasper. Yellow’s favorite, but not Pink’s. Pearl could figure why. Of all gems, she thought at the time, Jasper least resembeled her in every way. 
She didn’t seem good in her court. She was rough. She’d caused the fall of many rebelling gems, caused many of Rose’s tears, and Pearl lived to fight and hate her, for the pain she put Rose through, for the pain she forced Pearl through.
It was in her luck that Rose managed to catch her off guard while the quartz was getting increasingly annoyed at taking so long to defeat a pearl. Poofed, and Pearl thought, finally. They both collapsed.
Pearl rose first and moved quickly. She was doing Rose a favor, after all. Preventing her tears, her sadness, and with that lighting up her own world in color. And yet Rose stopped her, and despite all her efforts, it took Pearl a human lifespan to fully understand why.
Even now she doubts whether her strength at the time could have been enough to break a gem. Would Rose have asked it at the time, though, she knew her form would have somehow learned to adjust, for her, no matter how.
She never asked such a thing. She was proud of Pearl’s increasing strength, certainly, but that could not match the way her face light up, brighter than the core of this galaxy, when she found out Pearl had learned how to bubble.
She valued each gem. She never once slipped, never once got destructive. 
But after how many tries?
At least once she exploded and hurt Pink Pearl. How many other times? Pearl never saw her shatter anyone, but as a new diamond building her court, could she have avoided it even if she wanted to? Even then, she burst to life into a world that expected such cruelty of her, with no way to understand what is cruel and what isn’t. 
In the end, Pearl still found it a bit of a miracle, how a diamond with such power and status - even dissatisfied with her superiors - would make such a step, such a conclusion.
Pearl was there, and at the same time she wasn’t, watching Rose contemplate from afar as she strolled through forests and over beaches or watched the stars and clouds for nights and days.
How many times did Rose try and fail? Wasn’t she still learning even after the rebellion, when she had to learn respect beyond curiosity and play, beyond the world she knew, beyond every habit ever taught to her?
Pearl breathes out, adjusting, and the shields sink back into the water, deep into the temple. The water rushes quietly and evenly, a soft song humming along to Pearl’s graceful movements and steps.
A weight in her gem settled and seemed to roll off of her like raindroplets, following the shields down into the darkness. 
She stops, and stands firmly. Rose did things her way, with her own practice, and Pearl never would have even begun to imagine abandoning her for mistakes, for accidents. She’s older now, different, no longer as blindly loyal. 
But with that age and new understanding, she’s only all the more sure that Steven needs her to be there for him right now.
---
Amethyst kicks a metal plate hard. It gives a resistant clank and lays still. She lets out a loud graon, continuing to stomp through her room.
She kicks a solid rock, watching it break apart with a dull pain in her foot, and it only makes her madder. Fists on the dusty ground and loud yells and screams fill the room. 
Amethyst turns over to lay on her back, stubbornly staring upwards. She breathes.
With every breath, the silence seemed to pressure her more and more. She rolls over.
She sighs, giving up, laying flat on the ground. Who is she to say anything, really? To bother? Why does it matter?
Why? Why did they never notice, why did they never even think about this? Why is she so focused on this? Why does she feel fucking sorry for that cruel quartz?
She sighs again, grumbeling. She remembers the first day of uncorruption, where for just a moment it felt like she could imagine what Jasper felt. Sure, she’s the worst, and turned out to leave off there and head straight into that forest. She’s mean, with no semblance of change. She doesn’t even try, and here she is, screaming into her empty room just so the others don’t see her break down.
Jasper decided to leave. She decided to ignore the whole thing and pull back, isolate herself so she could break alone. Amethyst groans again. It all feels too complicated, too tangled and hard to understand. She sees herself in Jasper. She hates Jasper.
Connie told her Jasper egged him into it, kept pushing, kept pulling and encouraging without second thought. And that only makes it worse, because she knows what that’s like: Pushing Steven out of his comfort zone, finally, from the quiet kind kid to someone people listen to, because if anyone should get to to what they want for once, it should be Steven, right?
There’s no way Jasper feels anything but some desperate aggression at her life, right? She wanted him to give it his all so badly, and any rational explanations make Amethyst feel bad. Make her feel uncomfortably similar to the orange gem. The desperate attempts. The fighting, the pushing.
She knows, distantly, that she’ll lay here and let things suck until she eventually crawls back outside. She looks over the piles of trash, having decreased with time. It’s been a while since she last tossed herself to the ground like that.
She stands up to her full, short stature, not bothering to dust herself off. Steven is strong, isn’t he? She knew that. She walks up to a pile of semi-organized metal scrap. He’s stronger than her. Which isn’t a surprise in of itself, but having seen it now, her insides seem to sink. He didn’t get his aggression from her, did he?
She kicks one of the metal pieces, and the pile bulges before falling back down. She picks something up, just to hold it, to accupy her hands. She lifts it up, and with a start, tries to snap it over her knee. 
The alien metal bends unsatisfyingly, and leaves Ametyhst panting and with her gem regenerating some of her knee. She lets the scrap fall back to the floor.
He’s not a kid anymore, either. 
The thought of Steven hurting someone always felt so ridiculous. She’d push him, tease him for being too caring or tell him to try harder. Hell, they both fought, and he survived all that while barely even trying. And while trying to make her feel better. 
And she never even noticed how he changed, did she?
Since when could he have been pushed to do that? To really, really hurt someone?
She groans again. It’s all so much. It’s all so complicated. Sure, she can deal with it in time, but that doesn’t make any of this any less stupid.
Change. He changed. She kicks another piece of scrap, sending it flying. 
If she sits on her thoughts any longer, she’ll never come out, so she heads for the temple door. 
Her fault or not, he was there when she changed, even for the worse. For every horrid reformation or desperate fight. She looks glumly at the door, and it opens.
At least she can imagine what he’s going through, even if she doesn’t know what to do.
---
Garnet meditates.
Dozens of blue paths glow blue in the darkness. Millions of spectral droplets drip down from the platform she hovers above. With every single one, a fiery burst illuminates her. She sits unmoving.
A large, pearly waterdroplet rolls off the platform, and the flames briefly lick over the blue paths, threatening to disrupt them. She focuses, the flames die down.
The round glass platform hovers beneath her idly.
Another droplet falls, the flames rise, and the platform cracks. 
Garnet grits her teeth, clenches her fists. It’s all going fine. Breathe. She breathes. Crack.
Just breathe, she thinks, Steven is just- Crack. 
Just the mere thought causes her to stir. A voice tells her that she isn’t dealing with the problem at all. 
Garnet tenses, trembeling while a droplet begins to roll down her face. When it lands on the platform, it shatters, pieces scattering in the darkness.
She twists out of her meditative position, fire rising to meet her so she can stand. It whirls around, obscuring her vision, obscuring her thoughts. She punches into the flames, but that only sends her off-balance, falling.
She lands on her feet just barely, steadying herself. She takes off her visor and stands, staring at the blue landscape set in red flames, the break between adorned with purple-pink flowers. There is no wind. It all stands eerily still.
Pink butterflies swirl around the bushes and abstract shapes.
At the end, the landscape fades into pitch black. She doesn’t know. She looks down. She doesn’t know anymore.
A butterfly lands on her shoulder. She was wrong, again. Of course she saw into the future, thought she finally understood him to at least give an estimate. There were so many ways. This was not one of them, and now she has no idea what lies beyond.
Her fists clench again, shoulders rising as the butterfly leaves. Breathe. Another swishes by, ethereal wings brushing past her arm.
She failed. Her fists clench tighter, shoulders higher, hunching over. He hurt someone, he’s terrified, he turned into a monster, and she wasn’t there for him. 
The butterfly swirls, contemplating whether to return or not. Garnet stops, freezes, and releases a breath. Her shoulders sink down, and she watches the butterfly leave and fade into the blue.
It’s okay. Just a butterfly. Just a thought. 
Another approaches her from the back, finding place between her shoulderblades. She remembers the terror she felt, standing before Blue Diamond, loyal devotion and blindness suddenly twisted into betrayal. A Diamond. A Diamond that wanted her shattered, a Diamond she had belonged to so dearly, even if she hates the thought now.
Glowing wings pass by her vision. She believed Diamonds existed to shatter for so long. Bismuth proved her wrong. Rose proved her wrong. Steven proved her… wrong.
Her arms go around herself as she closes her eyes shut. Rose let wonder, love, light grow in a place of devouring fear. Little did Garnet know at the time, she let it grow from the same place the fear came from.
And then she trusted them. Knelt down, blindly, with everything to fear and nothing to prove. She held out her hand, and Garnet took it. 
Without a second thought, without a single question, with nothing but a sad smile and those soft hands. She always thought Rose took her in and held her tight, but no. She let Garnet go, to do as she would, and trusted her with every secret, every move, every fight.
Garnet breathes out, and three butterflies swirl off and into the darkness. She opens her eyes, watches them leave. She blinks. They’re pretty. She smiles to herself.
Rose believed in her. Rose believed in change. Rose believed in a lot of things, really.
And Garnet?, she asks herself, a question from both her halves. She opens her palms to see her gems side by side.
Garnet believes in change. She believes in letting others grow. She believes in Steven.
She closes her hands, and the butterflies pass her by peacefully.
---
The sun is setting, coating the world in dusty hues of orange and red. Long shadows stretch over the forest ground, the trees mere black silhouettes against the paling sky. Last stretches of clouds seem to hurry home.
Steven stops near his destination. He carefully pulls some leaves aside to see the gem in question. The red stripes and messy hair make her blend into her surroundings well, coated with warm, fading light and rounded by harsh shadows.
She turns to him with sharp, attentive eyes, eyeing him. Steven opens his mouth, then closes it again. She turns to him fully, leaning against a nearby rock. 
She crosses her arms over her chest. He long told her to drop the salute, and that he can’t possibly be what she wants him to be. Something wants to tell him she’s probably more mad about the salute than about what happened, but he suspects that’s also exactly what she wants him to believe.
He sticks his hands in the pockets of his jacket and clears his throat.
“Jasper, I’m sorry.”
She huffs. “For what.”
“For being out of control. For using all of my power-”
She cuts him off. “For what? Doing what you were made for? Being who you are? No.”
“This isn’t about that! I hurt you.”
“Because you were doing what you were made for.”
He sighs. They’re going in circles already. “Look, I came here to say I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry for coming here, and then bothering you, and then not knowing better and-”
He’s cut off by the sound of a fist smashing a rock to bits as he has to shield his face.
“Jasper, let me finish-”
“You.” She walks up to him, pointing a finger into his chest. “Are apologizing. For the wrong. Things! I don’t want you to come here and apologize for, I don’t know, existing!”
“I’m not!”
She groans. “You can’t apologize for having powers! That’s dumb!”
He’s about to toss an annoyed retort, but he stops himself. Think, Steven. Getting mad isn’t going to make this any better. You can’t apologize for having powers. For existing.
He groans and looks up to her in defeat. “I guess you have a point… But I’m sorry for-”
“No.”
“But-”
“NO!”
He goes quiet, crossing his arms in front of his chest himself now. Jasper turns back to her rocks, but keeps talking. “Is your memory faulty? Did you like, forget everything we did? Everything I did?”
“But you were trying to help. And having powers and being out of control doesn’t excuse what I did.”
“Fine. Listen here. You really wanna apologize for, I don’t know, doing what I told you to?”
“Well, yes? I should have been thinking with my own head, too. And I’m sorry for not using my senses, either.”
He finishes, and they both stand in silent. Jasper gives an annoyed exhale and then sits down on the ground with a thud. She looks at him, groans, looks away, crosses her arms again.
“Fine. Then I’m… ergh, I’m sorry for making you, do that.”
Steven looks at her with a bit of surprise, but she quickly gets up and straightens herself as if nothing happened. “Good. Now we’re even. Don’t force me to do it again.”
She squints at him. “And stop smiling like that.”
He can’t help a small laugh. “Okay, okay! Well, this went, better than I thought it would.”
“Hrm.” Jasper kicks one of the rocks to the side, starting to mind her own business. He stands there, unsure whether to leave or not, until she turns to him again.
“What.”
Steven looks over into the forest. “I was thinking… Would you mind if I dropped by again, maybe? I mean, it would go better than before, of course, I don’t want to pressure or anything and-”
“Yeah.”
He stops his rant, breathing out. This did go a lot better than he thought it would.
He turned to the woods, the sounds of Jasper working away following him the first few steps. It’s almost night, the sky a pale, gray blue and the trees mostly mingled dark shapes. He still has some apologies to say to the Crystal Gems. Well, he already has, but he feels they should at least be something firm. Like a favor, or something to eat, or a gift. Something.
You can’t apologize for existing.
Who knew Jasper could give out decent advice sometimes, too.
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It’s no secret that Republicans are anti-intellectual, but it makes you wonder what their end goal is?  Why do they keep electing dumber and dumber presidents?  Is it just to own the libs?  Do they just not care?  They’ll get what they want regardless of how smart their presidents are, so why always pick the low hanging fruit?
The only smart Republican of the last 60 years was Bush Sr, and he was a one-term wonder who rode Reagan’s coattails into office.
Nixon was notoriously incompetent as VP, almost beat Kennedy in 1960, threw what should have been a career ending shit fit in 1962 after losing the California governor’s race, but not only came back in 68 and win because Goldwater was so unpopular in 64, but won 72 in the greatest landslide in history up to that point.  Corrupt to the bone, he resigned before he could be impeached for hiring burglars to steal dirt on a political opponent, covering it up, and lying about it.
Ford was appointed VP to replace scandal stricken Spiro Agnew, specifically chosen because he was known as an honest politician.  His reputation evaporated the second he became president because his first act was to pardon the guiltiest man in the country; he lost handily in 76.
Reagan was an actor who wanted to play politician so he could hurt the people he didn’t like; blacks people, poor people, gay people, women.  It was a power trip for him, and because he was good at reading cue cards and delivering jokes written by other people, everyone let him get away with murder.  He committed treason by selling weapons to Iran; this isn’t hyperbole, the actual definition of treason includes giving aid to out enemies, and after the oil and hostage crises of the 70s, Iran was an enemy first and foremost.  Oliver North took the blame and had his secretary shred the evidence, the President Bush pardoned everyone involved.  Reagan won in an even bigger landslide than 72 in 84, and Bush won in a major upset against Dukakis in 88.
Bush lost in 92 in no small part because of Ross Perot splitting the ticket; no third party candidate has ever done better nationwide than Perot in 92, with 19% of the vote (though he didn’t win a single state, which some minor candidates have done).  Clinton won with 43% of the popular vote.  Forty-three percent!  57% of people voted against him, and he won.  92 was a farce, as was 96 with less than 50% voter turnout, the lowest in modern history.  Perot ran again and got 8.4% of the vote, Republican Bob Dole only got 40.7%, and Clinton got 49.2%.  This means that less than a quarter of eligible voters voted for Bill Clinton, and he still won.  FARCE!
Al Gore rightfully won in 2000, but the conservative majority Supreme Court stole it from him.  Florida was too close to call; whichever candidate won it would become president.  George W. Bush’s brother Jeb was governor, and he ordered the federally mandated recount be stopped, breaking the law.  The Supreme Court decided not to restart the recount for no discernible reason besides they wanted Bush to win.  He was notoriously dumb, stereotypically dumb, so dumb a lot of people thought it was an act and voted for him because they thought he was a secret genius who was just pretending to be a cowboy running for president off his daddy’s legacy.  He was the stupidest president we had ever had up to that point, and hired a lot of smart people to do horrible things so he could claim plausible deniability.  That Obama didn’t send Dick Cheney to the Hague was a deafening silence.  Bush only won re-election in 2004 because he started a war in Iraq in 2003 and the country didn’t want to change horses midstream; same exact tactic his daddy used, only this war lasted longer than the Gulf and “worked” as planned.
2008 was a ceremonial race; McCain didn’t stand a chance.  He was not incompetent, but his running mate was.  Sarah Palin was even dumber than Bush, and like Gingrich in the 90s was responsible for a conservative revolution we’re still feeling today.  Barack Obama wasn’t an amazing president, but he was an AMAZING candidate.  Everybody loved Obama in 2008, he won more votes than any candidate in history until 2020.  McCain was a career moderate, and after the last 8 years of failure both parties were running on a platform of “I am not George W. Bush.”  Turns out a young charismatic smart black man is less like Bush than another old white guy.
Obama lost a ton of momentum going into 2012 because he didn’t really DO anything his first term.  His only major accomplishment was the Affordable Care Act, which was an act of the Democratic congress than anything else, and it still wasn’t nearly as progressive as it needed to be (the US is still the only developed nation without universal healthcare).  Romney, a Republican governor from the Democratic stronghold of Massachusetts, could have beaten him were he not a classist piece of shit.  Romney hated poor people more than Reagan, and once wore brown face to a campaign event to make himself look more like Obama (they didn’t paint his hands or neck, just his face).  Obama made a lot of promises he didn’t keep, in no small part because of the Tea Party and the devastating losses in 2014 (we suffer under Mitch McConnell because of that).
2016 was a dumpster fire that shouldn’t have happened, and if either party had run a different candidate, it wouldn’t have.  Sanders would have beaten Trump, Clinton would have beaten Cruz.  It was a perfect storm of a very unpopular and insincere grandma running against a cartoon supervillain.  You couldn’t repeat that with what we know now.  Your vote in 2016 came to represent who you were as a person; people took it to the extremes, and the sunk cost fallacy made the entire Republican party shift so far rightward that we have actual concentration camps now and NOBODY GIVES A SHIT!  Trump was a game show host, a used car salesman famous for being tacky and dumb and offensive.  He was KNOWN for running his companies into the ground, that was his MO, he made a career out of bankruptcy, and Republicans still can’t believe that he drove us into the worst economic depression since the last Republican (history repeat itself, whoop-dee-doo).  Biden won in 2020 because of record turnout, though 2020 was closer to the intentional walk of 2012 than the home run of 2008 in terms of enthusiasm for the candidates.
If we’ve learned anything its that Republicans just keep getting worse and worse, so it’s getting hard for me to imagine what 2024 has in store.  Will Trump risk losing the popular vote 3 times in a row for a second term?  i think he’ll pretend to so he can scam millions of dollars out of his base, but he’ll either lost the primaries and tank the Republicans by running third-party, or he’ll drop out and endorse one of his spawn.  If Biden decides not to run in 2024, the nomination will almost certainly go to Kamala Harris, at which point I expect the Republicans to run a woman as well, so that we’re guaranteed the first woman president; she’ll be young, and white, and blonde.  My money’s on Ivanka.  Kamala vs. Ivanka will be a repeat of the 2016 dumpster fire, only worse because then everyone would be acting like both candidates are feminist icons, #GirlPower #SheRunsTheWorld #WarCrimesAreBetterWithTwoXChromosomes  If Biden DOES run again, then I suspect the Republican pool will be wide early on (Prick Scott, Ron DeathSantis, Uncle Tom Cotton, Nikkki Haley, you name it), only to shrink before the primaries as they all coordinate to get behind someone strong enough to defeat an incumbent.
Republicans are very good at coordinating; they are the party of “Follow the Leader.”  Whoever is in charge has 100% authority, no ifs, ands, or buts, no questions asked, just follow orders.  It would be easy to call them lemmings, but it’s more insidious than this.  They run dumb candidates for president, but have very smart people working behind the scenes to do horrible things.  They’re willing to follow orders blindly to ensure that the party prospers, whereas Democrats are chicken running around with their heads cut off.  There are no Democratic leaders.  Pelosi?  Schumer?  Nobody likes those dinosaurs!  The only really popular Democrats are progressives, and they will never have power as long as the moderates have a majority of the caucus.  AOC could be a senator someday; she could replace Schumer whenever he retires, but that would hinge on her not having any moderate primary challengers.  Moderates are still very popular because they are seen as “electable,” even though they never DO anything once elected.  Progressives have big ideas and the concrete plans to get them done, but the moderate establishment is afraid of losing power, and would rather placate the other side doing nothing, changing nothing, making no waves.  The party needs to shift leftward, or the country is doomed.
I would suggest the progressives splitting off to form a third party, but that would almost certainly destroy left-wing politics in this country as every safe seat would become split.  In an ideal world, it would be a nominal change; they would be the Progressive Democratic Party, they would continue to run in blue districts and caucus with Democrats on votes, but would advertise themselves as anti-establishment.  They would be like the New Democrats in Canada, which now that I think about it is a very bad idea because the New Democrats have no power and end up giving more votes to the Liberals and Conservatives instead.  The Progressive solution is intended to show the caucus that the moderates don’t have total control, but it would end up with the moderate Democrats shooting themselves in the foot, running against Progressives in every seat, handing them to the Republicans.  Every election cycle people act like a loss would spell “the end of the _____ party,” but this would actually be it for the Democrats.  It would be a turning point, like the 1960s, with millions of people changing parties out of principle, a major shift.  A Red Scare
I just want to crawl in a hole and die.  I hate politics.
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sparksinthenight · 3 years
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Advice for Little Me
This is advice that I have for my twelve-year-old self. If I’d known all this at twelve my life would be a whole lot better.
1) Capitalists are horrible, manipulative, lying, selfish, apathetic, overwhelmingly dangerous, incredibly bad for society, wrong, and deeply disturbed.
2) Anyone who ever says or insinuates that they earned the wealth they have are the worst types of people.
3) Anyone who goes around measuring the value of a human being by how fancy their job is incredibly shallow, materialistic, lacking in understanding, and not worth your time.
4) No. No people did not "earn" anything through hard work. They got it through privilege, privilege, privilege, and privilege. The fact that they could afford a decent quality highschool education is already a huge privilege. And no, being poor when they were in college absolutely does not count as not having privilege. They got to go to college. That’s a privilege so many don’t get.
5) You know who's actually working hard? The people in the sweatshops, the mines, the agricultural plantations, the warehouses, etc. The people getting paid poverty wages as they work themselves to death. Have some fucking respect for them you’re not above them just because you were born in a rich family.
6) All humans have equal value.
7) And the value of a human being is inherent.
8) If you have a house and fancy furniture and a flatscreen TV and a car and a closet full of clothes and enough money to go to restaurants and golfing and shit and then you turn around and say you're oppressed I fucking hate you so goddamn much.
9) The voices of the poor people are fucking ALWAYS silenced in this world, all over the world.
10) There's men in suits somewhere defending capitalism and our centrist dads are defending them while most of the world are wage slaves.
11) The poor are always ignored, pushed to the side, and silenced.
12) Hi. Hello person reading this. Check out the Red Deal. It's fucking awesome. Please read it. It will save your soul and change your life.
13) Also my Wattpad account is here please check it out https://www.wattpad.com/user/Balladoad it won't save your soul and change your life but I write communist stories.
14) Your value is inherent. Child. Darling. Your value is inherent. You are alive. That is enough. You don't need a fancy job or a big income or a fancy degree or something. You're a human being trying to do the best you personally can with the resources and knowledge you have and in the situation you're in. Your value is inherent. Baby.
15) Check out the Red Deal.
16) Nobody is liberated. None of us are liberated. Especially under capitalism none of us are liberated. We are all equal. We are all capable of being free. Of having an equal amount of power. Of making decisions equally and democratically where everyone has a seat at the round table. Seperation is a myth. Wow that sounds like a fucking hippie thing to say but I mean it in the most practical, tangible way. We are all equal and we should be treated equally and under capitalism we are not. Not even close. We can all be together, all be comrades, all help and support each other, all protect and provide for each other, all listen to and understand each other, and all create a world where finally, finally people are free.
17) True freedom does not and should not feel forced. Corporate capitalists tell us that freedom is the ability to be successful in the capitalist framework. That is not what true freedom is. True freedom comes from within. It does not feel forced. It feels good and right and beautiful and true. It's not forced upon you it's something that sparks to life inside your own soul.
18) Sucess as a human being is about the kindness and compassion you show other people. Which is actually rather inversely proportional to how much money you make from what I've seen. At every step of your life seek out people who need help and help them.  
19) Children should all be treated with equal respect, reverance, affection, and love.
20) Your value is inherent. Human value is inherent. Valuing human life does mean valuing the continuation of human life but not just that. It means valuing the quality of human life too. It means valuing human happiness.
21) Take every opportunity you have to learn. Not learn trivial "knowledge" about string theory or CRISPR or valence orbitals. Real, important knowledge about how to be kind to other people. How to be respectful towards other people. How to uplift the downtrodden. How to be in solidarity with the oppressed. How to live in harmony with other people. How to tear down the walls that divide us. How to live in harmony with nature. How to have respect and reverence for nature. How to protect and defend the Land and Water. How to be brave to put the needs of others before your own. How to think for yourself and be your own person. How to live your life in accordance to the truth and intangible mystic forces behind everything that guide us all. Wow that sounded hippie.
22) People are exploited and oppressed. So many people are exploited and oppressed. They deserve better than this.
23) You shouldn’t go after power. Seeking power is the way to corruption. You should seek to destroy the unequal distribution of power itself so that all people can have equal power.
24) Absolutely power corrupts absolutely. Power corrupts whenever it’s not equally shared.
25) Money is power. It always has been, it always will be. It’s what determines if people are able to eat or not. It’s what makes us spend most of our time at our jobs working for our bosses and doing what they want us to do.
26) Learn history. Please.
27) Read books about the Holocaust. About slavery. About all the types of slavery that have happened in various societies not just the Transatlantic Slave Trade though definitely you should learn about that too. About the Irish Potato Famine, the Armenian Genocide. About colonialism. About settler-colonialism. About feudalism. About monarchy. About the Industrial Revolution. About segregation. About the genocide of Indigenous peoples. About workhouses. About the Witch Trials. About the French Revolution. About the Spanish resistance against fascism. About residential schools. About the 60s Scoop. About the Stolen Generations. About resistance against the Roman Empire. About so much more. Just read them. Make sure they’re not written through the lenses of oppressors and/or rich people though.
28) Recognize that while history affects the present day history IS NOT the present day and present struggles are unique and different though not altogether separated from history. The present day is the present day. It’s struggles are unique and the way that the struggle for universal equality and liberation manifests in the present day is unique.
30) Don’t trust Christian priests.
31) Actually be cautious of any rich, privileged person trying to teach you religion.
32) Just because someone’s older doesn’t mean that they’re right or they know more than you. Knowledge of the truth and wisdom comes from kindness, compassion, humility, and suffering. It does not come from age. A rich man born to a rich family who thinks he’s better than poor people and does not have humility and respect towards them is not someone who knows things, no matter how old he is.
33) Men are generally less trustable than women because they’ve been taught to believe they’re always right and as such do not question themselves and think deeply and critically about their opinions as much as women do.
34) This does not apply to men who are poor or mentally ill since society never teaches them that.
35) Despite this being an unpopular opinion, pain and struggle are actually really good teachers. If you’re suffering, you deserve better. You deserve to not be suffering. But still, use it as an opportunity to learn.
37) Gender roles are the biggest scam ever created.
38) But the even bigger scam is capitalism.
39) You do not need material wealth. It is inherently addictive and bad for yourself, everyone else, and the Land and Water.
40) It’s just stuff. It doesn’t matter.
41) If you’re in a situation where people are treating you like you’re better than other people just get the fuck out of that situation as fast as you can. And never fucking look back no matter what ANYONE says.
42) Have respect and reverence for nature. Learn from it as much as you can. But from like, nature directly. Not from people talking about nature. Unless they’re Indigenous. And pristine, untouched nature is better than nature that’s been tampered with.
43) The world runs on bonds of love more than bonds between atoms.
44) Work hard not for money or to increase the power you have but rather to humbly and reverently improve the lives of the oppressed.
45) But recognize that you can’t do everything and do what you can and don’t beat yourself up over the things you can’t do.
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livefordrama · 3 years
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Reviewing Dramas I Have Watched Part 8
Again, here is my rating system:  1- Did not like, 2- Enjoyed but probably wouldn’t watch again, 3- Enjoyed and would watch some episodes again/may watch again, 4- Enjoyed and would watch again, 5- Loved 
Korean Drama
My Strange Hero: 4
Trigger Warning: Suicide, Bullying, Verbal and Emotional Abuse
My Strange Hero is about a man named Bok-su (which stands for revenge), who was falsely accused by his friend and girl friend of shoving his friend off the school roof and expelled from high school. Now nine years later, he gets the opportunity to return to school but he isn’t just going to go back nicely, seeing the seemingly cozy lives those who betrayed him are living he decides to enact his revenge by proving how corrupt the high school and the people working in it are. However, his plans for revenge get more difficult to achieve when he begins to fall for his ex-girlfriend once again. 
This show was cute and interesting, it made me mad and lot and Yoo Seung-ho never disappoints. I ended up watching it in less than a week with studying and all so it draws you in really fast. I absolutely loved the realistic factor of not having to forgive everyone for a good ending and to move on. Many shows, kdrama or otherwise, make characters forgive even those who did horrible things to them just for a good ending, and it’s not always that simple nor do you owe those who did horrible things to you an apology to be a good person and move on looking at you Missing Nine. However my main complaint with it is that the ending isn’t as impactful or satisfying as the ending three episodes previous. I’m glad they had the three ending episodes because the other characters got more closure, I just wish they would have made it as impactful as the ending of episode 29. It is about thirty minutes an episode so it’s a really fun and interesting watch if you need something on the shorter side. I highly recommend!
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Love Alarm (Season 1): 3 
Trigger Warning: Bullying, Suicide, PTSD, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Abuse 
Love Alarm deals with the concept of having an app that can read your emotions and alerts your phone when you are in 10 meters of someone who loves you or alerts your crushes phone if they are within the 10 meters. It follows Jojo, a girl with a mysterious and sad past, who can’t download Love Alarm because of her phone. She is in an unhappy relationship and begins to have feelings for the new student. After being kind to a student, he gives her the phone and she can finally download it only to find that love is a lot more complicated than she originally expected. 
Okay, I started this show because the new season was coming out and everyone was freaking out about it. I had been avoiding it all this time because I love Song Kang and have been following his work since his smaller roles, hoping he would get bigger roles. I was so excited when I first heard he would be the main here but couldn’t ever bring myself to watch it cause I don’t like romance love triangles and already knew he was playing the webtoon second lead which made it worse. Plus I have a trauma with anything that has Kim So-Hyun in it. I adore her acting, she is so good, too good. She just always plays in really sad, dark Kdramas and I always like the second leads in her shows so I just get sad and angry when I watch her shows. I at the time just didn’t feel like dealing with being annoyed and finally got in the mood to watch a cheesy love triangle romance. *spoiler alert* I can confidentially say that while no character and no ship is necessarily healthy, I do prefer Sun-ho to Hye-yeong. No, not because he is played by Song Kang, in the first few episodes I hated his character. I wanted to punch him so badly, but with all his immature flaws he did do some mature things. He told Hye-yeong to not fight over Jojo and to let her pick which I loved because, shows like to have the two people fight amongst themselves who gets the crush and that’s so stupid to me, Jojo is a person with feelings too and she might not like either so I loved that he said that. I also loved that instead of telling Hye-yeong not to pursue Jojo because he still loved her, he told Jojo to stay away from Hye-yeong so that he wouldn’t be hurt by her like Sun-ho was. He still loved her but his friend came first, and I felt horrible when he lost almost everyone who genuinely loved him. Hye-yeong is okay, but he isn’t even a healthier option, he literally stalks her all the time without her even knowing about it, he memorized her daily routine, where he’s going to college so he could move there to be around her, it’s just too creepy to me. Yes, Sun-oh stalked her too and that is not okay at all, but he made his presence known so that she can voice if she was uncomfortable or knew to call someone if she felt threatened, Hye-yeong sneaks around and doesn’t even talk to her and that’s super creepy to me. I just think they are both immature and personally with some growth I think Sun-oh is more fitting than Hye-yeong cause the two really do seem like they are in love with each other while Jojo and Hye-yeong seem like a crush that will turn out to be more platonic. I know it’s wishful thinking but that’s just my hopes. *spoiler over* I did really love this show actually, sometimes you just need a trashy dramatic romance. Yes, it had toxic behaviors but I still liked it, it felt like a realistic teenage couple in high school (minus Mr. Stalkery Stalks.) I think that not everything has to be analyzed, I enjoyed the cute romantic scenes at face value, even though I knew they weren’t healthy. If it happened to me in real life, I would have punched a bitch but it’s fun to watch on a screen. 
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Blood: 2
Trigger Warnings: Blood, Suicide, Terminal illness, Murder, Abuse. 
Blood is about a surgeon who is also a vampire. He tries to control his vampire self and help humans while working on a way to make himself human. When he transfers to a new hospital things take a turn for the weird as the patients of the new ward start exhibiting symptoms he is all too familiar with. 
Blood was really good for the first two thirds of the series. I watched it before I found out about the main couples real life situation but continued to enjoy it because it’s none of my business what they do in their personal lives (so please don’t message or leave comments about that situation or your opinions on it.) Both couples were super cute and there were some plot twists that admittedly got me. I liked the story line and the idea that vampires were viruses that doctors were researching in secret. I really got hooked for most of the story; however, the last few episodes felt almost like they switched writers and the new writer had never watched the previous episodes. Comments were made that never were brought up again, like the thirty minutes of vaguely discussing his parents and who he was as an infectee that was never even slightly brushed upon for the rest of the episodes let alone resolved. Not to mention that last episode was a total mess and the ending sucked. The last two episodes are not canon in my mind that’s how weirdly out of place for the show they felt, it was like a 180. The ending was so confusing and I just really hated how it all played out. Because of this, I give the show a 2 cause I did enjoy it a lot but I won’t watch it again. Once of that was enough. 
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Legend Hero: 4
Legend Hero, also known as Legend Hero Samgugjeon or Legends Heroes the Three Kingdoms, is about people who compete in a dream battle to acquire their ultimate dream. The main character acquired three spirit helpers which help him in combat by transforming him into an armored knight with special power, and later befriends angels who help him in the battles by boosting this power. He has to fight friend and foe alike to achieve his ultimate dream but that begs the question, is a dream really worth it?
I really enjoyed this show, it was admittedly difficult to get into at first but once I did, I was hooked. The characters were so cute and endearing, the plot had humor, angst, and fluff alike. The acting was a little silly at points but it was made for kids so it’s a little overdramatic. It was all around a very entertaining watch, I watched the whole series while on vacation during the resting hours when my family and I were lazing around the hotel and it was such a refreshing, happy, lazy watch. I highly recommend for those who enjoy a happy watch when they just wish to relax.
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Web-Drama/Mini-Series
Power Rangers Dino Force Brave: 4
Power Rangers Dino Force Brave, while technically a sequel to the super sentai series, is a original stand alone production and sSouth Korean take on the power rangers series. While the power rangers finally enjoy the peace that had come to the earth, a new threat is brewing. The Neo-Deboth Army has arrived looking for the power of the dinosaur king, the power ranger once more have to come together to defeat this threat.
This show was super interesting and cute. I have never seen any of the power ranger series so I am entirely inexperienced when it comes to their world. However, I can confidentially say this is a good stand alone as I was not confused while watching it. The first episode got recommended to me on youtube and since I was bored and unsure of what to do, I decided to watch it. I believe I finished the whole series in only a few days. It was super cute and I liked how ironic and silly the ending was with all the characters, including the evil ones dancing together. I’m sure die hard power rangers fans hated that but as someone who knows nothing about the series, I found it quite hilarious. The plot itself was entertaining and cool, it had some angst moments and some cute moments. I loved the ending, but that’s all I will say about that. 
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Founder of Diabolism Q: 3
Founder of Diabolism Q is simply snippets of cute or funny scenes from the book that didn’t make it into the series or at least not in as much detail. It follows many characters in small, five minute long episodes and the shenanigans they get in to. 
Founder of Diabolism Q was super cute! I have watched The Untamed and read some of the book but haven’t watch the actual anime yet. Still, I decided to watch this short series. I watched each episode as it came out and loved every one. There isn’t much to say on it though, other than it was super cute and if you love The Untamed or its adaptions, I highly recommend. Just make sure you watch or read one of the full adaptions first otherwise you will be very confused. 
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Imaginary Cat: 4
Trigger Warning: Depression, Suicide, Vomit, Illness, Death
Imaginary Cat is about an aspiring webtoon artist who, after loosing his crush and falling into a depression, finds a cat in an alley and takes her in. He is able to recover from the loss and get back into writing when he meets a girl who is obsessed with cats especially after she lost her kitten as a child. He is just trying to get his webtoon accepted and she just wants to get close to him and his cat. 
This was such a cute little easy watch, but was really sad at some points throughout the series. I teared up through some scenes and laughed so hard through others. I also related a lot to how the main plays with his cat, especially when said cat wants none of it. It was a really nice mini-drama to watch in the very little time I had between studying and moving house. I thoroughly enjoyed it and would highly recommend to those who want a easy watch that’s a little sad and very cute. 
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Korean Movies
The Magician: 4
Trigger Warning: Blood, Abuse, Drugs, Suicide Attempt, Murder, Death
The Magician is set in the Joseon Era and follows the famous magician, Hwan-hee. He along with his blind friend Bo-eum ran away from their abusive caretaker as children and are still worrying about being found by him even to this day as they perform to keep their livelihoods. Meanwhile a noble lady who was sold to the Qing dynasty comes to town. The two end up running into each other and quickly fall in love, however they both have to overcome the obstacles in their way in order to be together. 
I loved this movie, I had to pause a few times just to process how much I personally enjoyed it. I wish I was able to watch it in a better quality because I never once saw how his one eye was blue, I just took their word and the movie poster for it. Unfortunately, it was the only place I could find to watch so I took what I could. The only reason I am giving it a four instead of a five is the ending sucked. I hated the ending. It just felt unnecessary and honestly really pissed me off. I don’t always need a happy ending but I also didn’t need that kind of ending either. I would still recommend it to those who like angst with some romance and a open-ish ending. 
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Seondal The Man Who Sells the River: 5
Trigger Warnings: Blood, Death, Vomit, Gore
Seondal is supposedly a comedy about a group of swindlers who become fast family after escaping from a war they were drafted in. They work together to swindle their way into riches and out of dangerous situations. They gained a huge name in the Joseon dynasty for even swindling the king. However, after tragedy strikes, they decide to do their greatest job yet, sell a river of fake gold. 
The movie was really good, both funny and heartbreaking. My friend and I watched it together thinking it would be a nice comedy after we watched some sad kdrama earlier that week however, it was most certainly not. We both ended up crying and raging. So just be warned it claims to be a comedy and it is hilarious for the first half of the movie, however it quickly turns dark so fast you are just sitting their in shock wondering what happened. I thought Xiumin’s acting was great and his character was adorable. I had not seen his acting before and he easily became a favorite. The movie’s plot and writing kept you engaged and entertained throughout and the ending was great in my opinion. Overall it was a really good watch, I have seen it twice now and thoroughly enjoyed it. I highly recommend to those who enjoy both comedy and angst.
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@mysteriousdbzgt: Hi oh-lali-lali-lali-lalipop! Thank you for your ask. First of all, thanks for asking this question here on my personal (and also for the follow over on t&bftw, welcome aboard! :D) I think you can probably tell from here, that I’m a huge supporter of them becoming romantically involved lol I don’t shy about that here, but I like to present a more neutral stance over on my news dedicated blog, to not influence others of my personal opinions. With regards to the new season, as much as I would be supportive of it, I unfortunately highly doubt that they would become “official” in S2 or anything in the future, but will remain extremely dedicated and attentive to one another, regardless of their constant bickering. The creators of the show are more than aware of the popularity of the “couple”, being constantly popular at doujinshi events and the continuous amounts of merchandise that they bring out, which regularly focuses on the main duo rather than all of the Heroes all the time. The fandom is primarily dominated by women, when originally the show was supposed to target men and “salarymen”, but attracted a completely different demographic that they hadn’t anticipated. I can only think that’s mainly because of the appeal of K&B. Also not helped by some of the staff’s, let’s just say, “unfiltered” thoughts when they discuss about K & B in older interviews, centering around “love” and other similar notions. I think they still want to keep this series aimed towards a male demographic, even if the results don’t line up as they expect. But highly ironically, it’s what makes the show successful, so I doubt they would want to change how they portray Kotetsu and Barnaby’s relationship. Personally I would be absolutely over the moon if they did become “official”, because they’re just perfect for one another (hehe) and it could just break so many standard conventions/boundaries on how media portrays same-sex relationships, if done appropriately, and not be labelled with any genre tags like “BL”, “yaoi” or anything similar, and still simply just be a “drama”, “superhero” tale, with the two main males eventually getting together but not make a big song and dance about it. If we want to normalise LGBT relationships within our media and what we consume, then we need to drop these tags and portray them in a healthy manner, which I think the show does well between them both. I believe that the staff have the talent to pull it off, they just need to be cautious on how they do it. Like you said, how FE is presented in the show which such great self confidence about themselves and who they are, really shows that they can write this. Also T&B’s spiritual successor show, Double Decker (who had a lot of the same staff) tackles some LGBT themes pretty well, so they could absolutely do it. But yeah, I don’t think they’ll become “official” unfortunately. But if anything, I anticipate that KxB will most likely be working even closer together in S2, so they’ll be more in tune with one another, and possibly open up even more to each other than they did before. Hopefully they’ll be over the huge feuds and split apart phase, which The Rising focused on (they’ll still bicker all the time, but that’s just how they are), so we can see just how far their relationship has come and changed for the better. Anyway this is probably way too long (sorry), but always interested to hear your thoughts too! :)  
Heya! Before I start I just wanna say thank you so much for taking the time to give me such a thorough reply, it is incredibly well thought out and written! I also want to say I am so freaking sorry you had to type out my monstrosity of a name (seriously didn’t think about that when making the joke lol). Oh, and I’m equally sorry for the formatting of the reply... really had no clue how to go about it, so I just defaulted to going about it the roleplayer way haha. Anyways, for starters, I think I should say that I actually agree with you a lot. You see, logically I think it feels highly unlikely they’d make them “official” in the new season. I’m not sure if I feel like it’s unlikely because I, someone who’s in the LGBTQ community, am a pessimist (aka, I’m negative regardless of proof) who is use to companies not delivering on it/assume companies won’t deliver on it.... or if I’m genuinely, but unconsciously, picking up on Sunrise’s stance of “not gonna happen”. Despite all that I still feel stupidly hopeful about it (y’know, heart louder than the mind and all that jazz)... and I guess for the sake of the discussion I’ll break down why! lol So, I got into the fandom.... around the time of The Rising, I think, so anywhere from 2014 to 2015. I instantly fell in love with it all, but I did end up falling out of the loop for awhile (being a teenager and all that). Recently (recently being that I finished S1 on Friday, watched The Rising on Sunday, and now I’m here lol) I got back into it and.... wow, a lot of it is the same, and.... at the same time it felt like I had so much more to process. It’s still as amazing as ever, if not even more so, and just like with everything else I love with my entire being I started to analyze it and read into it (maybe a little bit too much so lol).  In all honesty, KxB seriously stood out even more so than it did last time for me (I don’t know if it’s because I’m now accepting of my sexuality or what) and while it’s not actually the best part of the series to me (God, Barnaby’s arc means so much to me what with me struggling with cPTSD, but that story is best left on my RP blog) I do have to admit that the pairing is... incredibly meaningful, and beautiful. Moving for me, really.  I guess the following observations, and hopeful thinking that came after it, could be deduced to me just wearing shipper goggles, but considering my habit of over analyzing and breaking things down... I do try to make predictions and opinions logically, and with that in mind it’s why I’m so stuck on the “hopeful thinking”, since a tiny bit of logical thinking is fueling it. Tiger & Bunny is about human relationships, really. For a show focusing on NEXTs... it’s really about humanity, corruption, society, relationships... and KxB all along the first season is written as an undertone, like a slow burn (which is entirely fitting, and seriously makes any relationship better), which fits because the first season is, in actuality, not focused on that (the plot being bigger than we can see and all that). In the end, having rewatched it, I also noticed how, really, the undertone is written in such a way that.... it feels like Barnaby is the one with the “crush” (or is the first one to realize it) which... kinda fits with the old statements from the crew. Kotetsu the forever oblivious one who hasn’t had an epiphany yet (although if I’m being honest, The Rising seems to have this “side-plot” feeling of Kotetsu having the epiphany when he realizes what he’s lost, which is what I meant by the flow of the series somewhat feels like it’s building towards it)...  .... There’s also the whole “leaving it to interpretation thing” they said back then. Which, I have to agree with some other people that it feels like it’s just a way of saying “it’s romantic but we don’t want to take that risk”.... and that was back around 2011. It’ll have been decade since then when S2 is released, and, while a decade is just a decade, a lot has changed on a societal basis since then. Even during this decade long gap Sunrise has become more bold with their representation, whether it be Double Decker! or The Rising.... almost like they’re testing the waters...  and what better way to champion representation than to make two main characters the representation? This franchise is... so human in it’s story, and the meaning doing such a thing would have for so many people... in a way, I think out ways some of the risks. I feel like the build up is there, the want is there (tbh seeing posts on tumblr of people talking about how they hope they’ll get a kiss in S2 or something “official” like that also fueled this)... it just depends on whether they’ll feel afraid or not. Which is, really, why I asked for your opinion. You do such good work at trying to bridge the gap between the Japanese fandom/Sunrise and the English speaking community (which, btw, you are amazing at, I can’t thank you enough for the work you do), and I knew you’d be more informed on Sunrise’s attitude and statements, as well as the general opinions and depositions of the Japanese fans. In the end, I can “read into” things all I want, but it won’t matter if you can’t understand the one who pulls the strings... and because of that I wanted to know your opinion.  I’m so so sorry this got so long!! I’m really horrible at summarizing myself, so this turned into a major ramble.... I’m gonna wrap it up now before this turns into a novel haha. Again, thank you so much for responding to my question and for being open to discussing it, it means so much! I truly respect your opinion, since it helps me clear my own thoughts, as well as gives me a dose of reality so I don’t get my hopes up too much... I guess in the end though, a part of me is going to continue to think that they just might have the heart to do it, irregardless lol. I look forwards to seeing what you have to say about what I’ve written here!
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immortalcoelacanth · 4 years
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Ascendance of a Bookworm Oneshot: Hear Me
Of course I, the dumbass that I am, finally get inspired to write this the day the newest episode of the anime comes out. 
I wasn’t all that happy with episode 20 when I first saw it and felt that the conflict didn’t… actually get resolved? It was a bit of a letdown compared to the rest of the series so I decided to revamp it in a way that hopefully has a more satisfying conclusion.
Word count: 2144
Summary: Lutz was tired of being spoken over, tired of how his father and mother made his job all the harder for him. Now, in this meeting, he refused to be ignored. He would make certain they would hear him. 
Lutz felt his hands clench tighter as he listened to his father speak, anger and sorrow building up in him all over again. He hated this, hated having to fight this battle all over again. He thought he had gotten through to his mother during their last discussion, believed she would keep her word and provide him with the slightest bit of support, especially now that he was really starting to succeed and learn more.
He should have known better. His parents never listened to him.
They loved him, he knew that, but all the love in the world was not worth the constant harping, nagging, and insults that were shouted about the path he had chosen. A merchant was greedy, only cared about money, would take advantage of everyone around them.
Lutz knew that this was far from the truth. He thought about Benno and how he had helped Main, saved her life, and even Freida had tried to get more money to Main so she could afford the items that were needed to drain the mana in her under the guise of trying to form a partnership with Main. Sure, merchants could be corrupt and heartless, but so could anyone else.
So, it stung when his parents continued to shout and insist that he find his own path, even though he was already doing so. His parents did not teach him how to read, write, or understand how money truly worked, Benno and Main had in combination with his own hard work. He constantly pushed himself to do better when working with customers, try to calculate prices faster, and did whatever he could to better his own future.
He knew they hated the path he had chosen for his life, he knew that they wanted nothing to do with such a thing, but he was their son!
They were his parents and had to help him when he needed it. They had to give their permission to allow him to go places, to continue building his skills. He was forced to rely on them, and he hated it.
Hated the problems it had caused. If his parents had said yes, allowed him to go and not gone off on another tangent about how horrible merchants are, Lutz knew for a fact that none of this would have happened.
He just… wanted to do what he wanted in life, find his own path and be proud his work. Nothing more, nothing less.
Teeth clenched as he heard his mother ramble on about the dangers of going to another town, the bandits, and animals. The forest itself was dangerous, but they had allowed him to go there all the time! Besides, going by carriage on a highly traveled path would have been perfectly safe.
As Benno explained the trip and the precautions that had been taken for their safety, he saw red when his father remarked that there was no need for such a thing.
They… they were sabotaging his chances! Even the other kids knew not to do that!
“I told you it was for work!” Lutz snapped. “How else am I supposed to succeed if I don’t get the chance to practice things!”
Getting briefly scolded by the head priest was a bit embarrassing, and he felt his cheeks heat up as he stared back down at his lap, but he did not miss the surprised and somewhat scandalized look that crossed his mother’s face.
Something he felt both good and bad about. He did not hate her, or his father. They were both just so stubborn and headstrong, it was nearly impossible to get them to see how serious he was about all of this.
He had seen how supportive Main’s family towards what was she wanted to do and it… stung, to not receive that kind of support from his own family. Tears started to build in the corners of his eyes and he quietly sniffled while trying to breathe deeply in an attempt to calm himself down.
Listening to the discussion between his mother and Benno, his heart immediately began to race once his master mentioned Lutz being his successor. It was, of course, something that had been discussed previously, but it still made his heart pound and his sweat at the thought of all that responsibility, and the fact that Benno trusted and believed in him enough to even consider such a thing.
Once again, someone other than his family providing him with the support he needed. Why could he depend on these people he had known for only about a year at this point to help him more than his family would? How was any of that fair?!
It wasn’t fair, it was the furthest thing from fair!
He could hear the conversation intensifying, almost as if in response to his tormented mental state. His mother’s anger towards the possibility of him being adopted, his father’s impassive response. As the head priest continued to question his father about his reasons, and Benno’s own curiosity, Lutz’s emotions continued to simmer and burn.
The young boy’s anger grew as his father questioned his master about having children, causing him to recall what he knew about the merchant’s unfortunate, painful past. He could almost feel the surprise radiating off Benno while the conversation progressed, and it was the sounds of his father’s frustration that caused him to finally look up, eyes still shining faintly with tears.
He looked up just in time to his father place a hand on his chest, over his heart, and speak. “Parenting is all about what’s in here.”
Somewhere, in the back of Lutz’s mind, he heard something snap.
He shot to his feet, catching everyone’s attention as the chair scrapped against the ground while his tears began to fall from his eyes. He had managed to cut off whatever rant his father was about to go on, and now it was his turn to speak.
And he would make them listen.
“Master Benno does care about me!” Lutz spat, watching surprise cross his mother’s face while his father appeared to steadily grow more annoyed and angry at his outburst. “He cares about his shop too, but that doesn’t mean-”
“Sit down!” Deeds interrupted, glaring his son down. “You’re making a fool of yourself!”
“No!” Lutz shot back. “You and mom don’t listen; you never listen to me! You say parenting comes from the heart, well what about all the times where I got pushed around, or my brothers stole food from me!?”
“Lutz, please-” That was his mother this time, but Lutz kept speaking as his emotions hit their peak.
“You told me to do what I want, and I have been! I’ve listened to Master Benno, I’ve learned all sorts of things about being a merchant and interacting with customers, and after you yelled at me for wanting to go to that town and learn more I chose the live-in apprenticeship! I chose my path, and everyone started embarrassing me at work!”
His palms were stinging from how tightly his hands were clenched as he stared into Deeds’ stunned eyes and shouted at the top of his lungs. “HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THINGS ON MY OWN IF YOU ALL KEEP SABOTAGING ME?!”
The room grew silent after his outburst, even the head priest seemed taken aback by the sheer rage that had been flowing through Lutz at that moment. As for Lutz himself, he now felt… empty.
No more anger, no more sorrow or hurt, it was all just… disappointment.
He looked back down towards the ground, tears falling from his face, and as such he was not aware of the person who got out of their chair and approached him until he was pulled into a hug. A soft, warm, loving hug.
Mom?
“Lutz,” Carla began, voice clearly wavering due to how emotional she felt at the moment. “Please, we didn’t mean to make things hard for you, but we were so worried-”
“I thought you said you’re okay with this.” Lutz quietly interrupted, voice muffled due to the hug. “You said you’d be after I talked to you.”
His mother was silent for a moment as she tried to figure out how to respond, eventually letting out a quiet sigh. “I did, and… I’m sorry for hurting you. I know so little about merchants that you becoming one makes me scared. How are we supposed to help you if anything goes wrong?”
Benno quietly chimed in at that point. “I intend to educate Lutz on everything that I can to ensure he is well prepared for when he eventually takes over my store. I understand your fear, but Lutz holds much potential in being a merchant. I am certain he will be fine.”
Carla stared at him, as if trying to figure out whether he was lying to her or not, and after some time she let out another sigh and held Lutz all the tighter. “Lutz is my dear son, and I’d never give him away for anything, so you can forget about that adoption!”
Lutz stiffened a bit at that, before his sniffling grew louder and he fully leaned into the hug, crying into his mother’s side. Benno smiled softly at the sight and nodded.
“Very well.”
“Based on what is being said, I cannot allow the adopted.” The head priest finally spoke, eyes lingering on the young boy and his mother before closing. “Benno, what will you do?”
“Lutz has a bright future ahead of him, and as such I would like to offer him a dapla contract.” Benno explained, smiling when he noticed Lutz now staring at him in surprise from the corner of his eye. “It would make him responsible for the store’s future.”
He then turned to stare intently at Deeds, previously pleasant expression gone. “Would you agree to that?”
Deeds glared lightly at Benno, not at all pleased with the display of emotions that were going on before him. “Hasty, aren’t you?”
“I would rather secure Lutz’s future sooner rather than later. It would allow me to start training him as soon as possible.”
The gruff man looked off to the side and closed his eyes, silent for a second before slowly nodding.
Lutz let out a relieved sigh as his mother smiled and hugged him a bit tighter, showing her support. It seemed as though everything had been settled, all that was left now was-
“Lutz, apologize for wasting everyone’s time.”
A bolt of anger shot through him at the patronizing tone in his father’s voice, and Lutz turned to stare at him. Deeds eyes were still shut, brows furrowed, and appearing very defensive with his crossed arms. For a moment Lutz wanted to argue, wanted to point out that this entire situation had started because of his father, and as such would it not be his duty to apologize, but that angry soon fizzled out and was replaced by emptiness again.
What was the point? If he tried to argue he would just get yelled at and this whole cycle would start over again. No matter what he did, his father would just insist that everything was his problem, over and over again.
So, Lutz apologized, and was then forced to say it louder. A demand made by his father.
It stung, both his pride and made him feel antsy upon hearing the loud voice, but he did his best to hold his composure like Benno taught him and repeated the words. Finally, after all was said and done, the meeting came to a close.
Mark recommended that they visit the Merchant’s Guild as soon as possible to sort out the contract, make sure everything was in order before it was signed, and Lutz felt elation fill him. At least something good had come out of this conversation, the hopes that his family would finally stop interfering and allow him to work without being bothered or distracted.
He ended up cringing at his father’s remark of him being the most spoiled in his family, more pain running through him, but it faded faster this time. He was used to hearing such things, had been used to them for quite a long time. He would recall how much it first hurt hearing his father say such offhanded things about him, but overtime that pain had lessened as he got used to them.
Being spoiled, selfish, a brat. Those were a common collection of insults he heard almost daily. It was just… how his father was, how he would always be.
Perhaps it was time to stop hoping he would ever say anything different, or act differently. Maybe Deeds’ personality would lighten up when he saw how many lyons Lutz would earn from his work…
Maybe then, his father would finally listen.
                                   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Honestly, I was a bit disappointed with the note that the episode ended off on, the wholesome family moment simply because Deeds’… an asshole. I can easily imagine a bunch of resentment building up in Lutz because of how his father treats him, especially if that’s supposed to pass as “love”.
Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed reading!
- ImmortalCoelacanth
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uta-h3m-vcd-tbw · 3 years
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Who Am I?
I have attempted to dialogue the events in my life at least 100 times beforehand but probably more but could never bring myself to be completely honest.  Call this a personal inventory if you will.  I consider myself a better writer than most however when it comes to writing about myself my brain goes blank.  I know what I want to say, it’s just how do you go about telling anyone....”I am a Heroin addict.”  
I have read a couple books about other addicts & have watched countless documentaries, movies, & shows about addiction.  Always paying close attention to how the writer unfolds his/her story trying to translate it to my own with little success.  I eventually came to the conclusion that so much has happened in the two decades of drug use that there is no way fathomable to include everything...at least not in your standard literary fashion.  
A few days ago I stumbled across a new series on Netflix about a girl that liked to blog on Tumblr & suddenly I felt I may have an outlet to format this timeline of events.  Make no mistake about this...everything I write from this moment on is 100% true whether you choose to believe it or not.  Hell looking back....I don’t believe it sometimes & constantly find myself asking God why am I still here & why have so many perished before/besides me?  What makes me so special?
Most stories I read/watch about addiction are pretty generic.  It typically starts with someone who was injured & prescribed pain killers only to get cut off from the doctor & led down the dark & endless path of Heroin addiction.  They tell stories about the terrible things they did to maintain their habit & of loved ones they hurt along the way.  While I did horrible things as well, hurt & lost too many loved ones to addiction...this story is unlike any of the rest.  This is a story of addiction...obviously...but also one of organized crime, corruption, murder, extortion, jail/institutions, & love but mostly death.  
Every addiction specialist or rehab I have been to always had the same fault....they try to find some underlying reason as to why I started, “self medicating,” & attempt to address it.  I’ve had numerous heated arguments with councilors & doctors who insisted I was suppressing something deep down & may not even know it!  While I have heard of such instances to actually be the case I can very well tell you I am as normal as you are.  
I grew up in a child’s utopia in an upper-middle class suburb roughly 20 miles North of Detroit.  Think of the famous Tim Allen show, “Home Improvement.” Not only was I raised in Metro Detroit but I also come from a family of two parents, still married, & was the youngest of three boys.  I know most people’s perception of Detroit isn’t very high however in the 80′s & 90′s it was a great place to start a family.  Before the auto industry tanked most people skipped college to work on the assembly line at one of the, “Big Three,” (Ford, GM, or Chrysler) & lived comfortably.  My dad was a, “Safety Restraint Engineer,” for a subsidiary company with several patents still in use today!  We spent our days riding bikes through endless trails behind our house, building forts, playing back yard football, & camping in the backyard on warm summer nights.  My brothers & I were raised Catholic.  Went to Church every Sunday & Catechism on Thursday nights.  If I could change one thing about my childhood I wouldn’t.  It was that perfect!  My Father didn’t fail to raise a man...I failed to be the man he raised. 
When someone asks me why I started doing drugs I tell them because it was fun....simple as that.  I know it sounds cliche but it’s true, everyone was doing them.  My older brothers were way ahead of me, listening to Grateful Dead & dropping acid in middle school!  I just liked drugs a lot more than everyone else. My mother knew I had an addictive personality because I would take everything I did to the max & always looked for instant gratification.  I never wanted to wait/work for anything.  I think my brothers were aware of this as well because they would NEVER sell me pot in these early days.  They wouldn’t even talk to me about it.  So as far as being as normal as everyone else....maybe that one’s a stretch.  On the other hand I was years ahead of my classmates & understood how things worked much easier than the majority of my class.  
By the time I reached High School I was selling/smoking pot & hanging out with kids my age but it wasn’t long before I caught the attention of the older guys in the neighborhood.  I had already garnished a somewhat questionable reputation through my brothers by default & everyone knew my name from the paper route I had since I was roughly 12 years old.  At first they were intimidating & I hated whenever I had to deliver papers on one of their streets...praying they wouldn’t be outside playing basketball or something.  They always hung around the same two or three houses depending on who’s parents weren’t home that day.  If they saw me coming every one of them would stop what they were doing & aim their attention towards me.  All of them except one.  I knew his face & heard stories whispered about him in the hallways at school.  His name was Franco & he was not just the leader of their group...he was, “Head Fucking Hancho.”  You know the scene from mob movies where people from the neighborhood come to sit with the boss & ask him all kinds of favors in return for their loyalty?  That was Franco at age 15!  He had everyone’s respect....even that of my older brothers who looked up to nobody.  If you had a disagreement with Franco it didn’t go far.  I’ve seen him hit guys so hard they temporarily lost the ability to speak!  After a couple minutes of hazing from the guys he would shout from the porch telling them to leave me alone & they would scatter like roaches! 
These encounters would eventually lead up to my first drug deal.  Up until that point I had been stealing whatever I could from whichever brother wouldn’t notice at the time & smoking/selling it with & to my friends.  They eventually caught me & beat the living shit out of me.  I don’t think they were actually mad about the missing weed it was more about not stealing from your brother.  The same day I was caught stealing weed I planned on meeting several kids from school at a friends house & of course everyone was expecting me to bring the pot.  To this day I don’t know how I got the phone number or the guts to call it but I reached out to Franco’s best friend Mark.  I don’t really no why I chose him....any of the older guys could have found me weed.....but I knew Mark sold it regularly & to pretty much anyone.  There was no cell phones at this time so I had to call his house.  He wasn’t as angry as I expected & told me to wait 5 minutes before riding my bike towards his side of the neighborhood.  I did exactly as he instructed me to & before I could get to the end of my street he was pulling up in a dark green Ford Ranger...Frank was with him riding in the passenger seat.  Mark got out...threw my bike in the back of his truck telling me to hop in the backseat before getting back behind the wheel & pealing off.  The music was so loud I could barely understand the lyrics over the bass let alone what Frank & Mark were saying but it didn’t matter because they weren’t talking to me.  At the time I thought Mark must want to get out of the neighborhood before doing the deal but after getting to know him I learned...that was his, “thing”.  He loved to drive around, blaring music, & smoking weed with whoever was willing to tag along.  He hated driving alone & his truck was like his office.  Frank acted as if I wasn’t even there...holding a cool composure looking out the window while nodding his head to the music.  Eventually we pulled down a random street, where Mark turned down the music before pulling the truck over.  He turned around & asked me how much money I wanted to spend before opening a large grocery bag filled to the top with little, “dime bags,” or roughly a large gram of weed in each bag.  I don’t know if it was how he had them bagged up but it was more than I had ever seen in one place at the time & my brothers always had a lot.  I had a handful of crinkled five′s & one dollar bills I collected from my friends earlier in the day at school.  It came out to around $24.  I remember it was less than $25 because Mark insisted that an 8th cost $25 & that I was a dollar short.  I didn’t even know what an 8th was or how much it cost but didn't want to screw up my first deal so I pretended it was just an honest mistake & he threw three bags in my lap.  Franco asked where I was going & asked if I needed a ride which I humbly excepted.  
From that day on things changed little by little with every passing day.  I hung out less & less with the kids my age to be around Mark, Frank & the rest of the older guys.  They saw me as the kid who could sell a lot of weed since I already had that reputation from my classmates.  I saw them as a ticket to popularity.  In my mind it was an even trade.  My mother had an entirely different opinion.....constantly telling me I should be hanging around with my younger friends.  To me it was harmless....choosing to see it as normal for a kid my age.  I had no idea where this new found friendship would lead us.  I had no idea what I was getting myself into.  
As I was saying before....so much has happened since this day that I cannot even begin to piece it all together in a manner in which it flows conveniently into a timeline of events.  This is the beginning of my attempt & you will have to stick with me to learn more as I continue to publish.  I will warn you upfront that I will be changing some names, maybe even places or be vague as I am still getting death threats to this day & also don’t want to negatively impact any of the families that have already been ripped apart from unimaginable losses.  Lastly I am still weary about telling my story in it’s entirety.  I am sure those who are close to me will be able to figure out who I am since most of what I am going to tell you has never been a secret save one part.  I have never told ANYONE the FULL story other than my parents.  I feel it is the main reason I have struggled in all my attempts at telling/writing what actually happened.  Please understand that I take absolutely NO pride in the things I have done & only feel I need to document what I went through so maybe the next kid contemplating the path I chose....will rethink the decision.  I can tell you now their is no glory or honor in what we did & the end result was nothing but pain & suffering for our victims as well as ourselves.  I really hope nobody reads this the wrong way & that I am able to accurately portray the pain/anguish we caused so they realize how brainwashed we were & the impact you can have on others no matter how minor you think it is.  You have to stand up against what may seem to be the correct/hard decision at the time or even a harmless one that you know in your heart/gut is questionable & choose to do what you know to be right.  The definition of the word, “popular,” is; liked, admired, or enjoyed by many people or by a particular person or group.  The groups that are using/selling drugs are the minority & in the end you will find most are not truly your friend.  When I go on social media, looking back at all the kids I graduated with, I realize now that those who did well in school & actively participated were actually the, “cool kids.”  They are the ones posting pictures of new houses, nice cars & beautiful wives with blossoming families.  There is nothing cool about being alone & having nothing to show for the last two decades of your life but scars.  It is not romantic in any way shape or form.  You will not find comfort.  
Stay tuned for more to come! 
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The Copy-Cat Gang
((My first TF Fic in...well...ever. it’s mostly for my friends on discord but if you do find this i hope you enjoy!!!! also i have to point out i used the animated continuity’s terms for times because they just...sound better. thx plz no bulli))
There was something about this world - Cirrus 7 - that seemed so...deceptive to Colvus. Perfect for a faction called Decepticons, she figured. In her travels she gathered information about the whereabouts of old tech from the war from Cybertron...The Camien origin world that Colvus figured she'd never see. She didn't care which side this planet had belonged to, nor was she interested in figuring it out. From what she knew, the war was over, both sides figured out that maybe endlessly slaughtering each other wasn't the best way to come to an agreement and all of these outposts and bases were left to rot. After thinking about it for a while, Colvus began to explore these places, searching for technology that would lead to the betterment of life for Camiens and Cybertronians alike! And so here she was, looking into a deep, dark cave on the side of a mountain. The mountain itself stood out, as for about a mile all around it the forest surrounding it receded. It was as if the area surrounding it had been intentionally cleared. It seemed pretty obvious to Colvus that it was. 
"Welp...let's have ourselves a look." The Camien explorer sighed before taking her first steps inside of the cavern. 
At first, it was smooth going. There wasn't much of a descent to speak of, and openings in the cave ceiling provided enough light for Colvus to observe her surroundings. Various ores sticking out of the walls, scattered about in chunks, pools of liquid - some of it water, some of it not - and eventually...a large cable that led even deeper into the caves. From here, things only got darker. Colvus began to squint as the light in the room faded further and further. She tapped the side of her helm and a visor slid into position over her eyes. The room turned a faint, but clearly visible green as her visor granted her night vision. Along the wall, more technology was bolted on. Wires, tubes, panels, and dead light sources were all along the main path going downward. Along the way, she came across some corridors that led to empty rooms and dead end, the most interesting thing she found being several old hab suites, one of which looked like it had been abandoned before the base itself was. She moved deeper and deeper still into the cave system before finally reaching a large metal door. Bingo.
Stretching her digits and wings aflutter in anticipation, Colvus investigated the door itself, and the dormant panel that was beside it. "Ok...now, how to open sesame this thing?" She fiddled around with the panel for a minute or two before prying open the side and crossing a few wires. After a bit of jury rigging, Colvus managed to hotwire the door open. It'd clearly been a long while since anyone - or anything - had visited this facility, as the rusty and decrepit door opened with the horrible screech of rusting metal echoing along the walls of the cave. Colvus proceeded with caution, a small blaster pistol in her hands and her senses sharp. Though the rumors said that this planet was long since abandoned by any Autobot or Decepticon forces, she still didn't know what to expect from an old military facility. For all she knew there could be some kind of booby-traps still laying about! Or worse! Old holdouts from the war who didn't get the memo! The risk of it all sent a shiver of thrill up Colvus's frame...to her, the thrill of the unknown was pretty much what it was all about! Especially if it meant helping out the people in the end.
After about 15 or so minutes of sweeping, Colvus found no trace of traps, stragglers, or even anything interesting within the base...bummer. There were a few crates of supplies left over:. An outdated rifle, ammo and energy packs, a motion tracker, plus a ton of energon that she couldn’t take herself...there was too much for her to carry on her own. Alas, nothing TOO out of the ordinary. Beyond that, it was just a burned out, beat-to-high-hell facility. Trying not to let the bitter taste of disappointment get to her, Colvus rigged the door to the final room open, and peeked inside with a small ember of hope that there might be something of note inside.. Larger in size and much darker than the other rooms, this chamber looked like it had seen the most activity when the facility was active...and there was stuff inside. Lots of stuff. Operating tables, energon infusers, vitality monitors all over the room, and a stasis pod! Colvus checked her own vitals...she'd been exploring for over a week with no down time...maybe it was time to take a breather. The Camien Explorer surveyed the room thoroughly before attending to the stasis pod's console in the very back of the room...neat, she thought. Oddly enough, this console didn't just appear to control the pod, but the entire facility. 
"I guess the doctors around here liked to be in charge..." Colvus mused to no one.
A small, holographic screen appeared on the panel, and Colvus deactivated her visor to read the text that had appeared on it. It was purple...and though it was in Cybertronian rather than Camien, Colvus could make out that it read "Start-Up?" with options "Yes" and "OF COURSE" as options...She picked "OF COURSE", feeling adventurous. The entire facility lit up, as it's generators roared to life for the first time in what must have been centuries. Light illuminated every chamber in the base, revealing the nature of the previous owners as the entire base was a deep, midnight purple and on the main terminal, a Decepticon insignia presented itself on-screen. The symbol faded and a new menu was brought up: A series of options that included "Stasis Pod Control'', “Mining Site Status”, "Field Reports", "Roster", "Projects", "Base Directory" and "Personal Logs". This terminal in particular belongs to one "Calculite." Colvus cupped her chin and pursed her lips as her curiosity compelled her to dig into the files. Whoever this Calulite guy was, he left EVERYTHING behind. Odd...It's as if he and everyone else in the base dropped whatever they were doing and left in a hurry. Whatever the reason for their disappearance, Colvus was more concerned with what data they'd left behind.
For a solid 5 hours, Colvus was engrossed in the wealth of Data left in Calculite's lab. The various mission reports left behind shined light on the nature of this facility. It was indeed a medical facility, but also a hot-spot for Decepticon experimentation. Calculite was merely the latest in a line of decepticon inventors and experimenters, all of whom had their own wild ideas as to what the key to The Decepticons' ultimate victory was. Calculite himself had two philosophies, one vague...the other blunt as all hell. The first was what Colvus found most intriguing - Dubbed "Project: COPY-CAT". The experiment sought to answer the question: what if The Decepticons had their own Optimus Prime? Or their own Ultra Magnus? Perhaps their Thunderclash? Colvus wasn't big on names for the war, but assumed that those were some of the biggest and baddest bots that the Autobots had amongst their roster...perhaps this was a Super-Soldier Program to replicate the abilities of those bots? The other Project was called "Picnic" and was - simply put - the plan to incite Antriods to attack the Autobots, consume their supplies and steal their food for the Decepticons. According to his logs, every single member of the facility - Scientific and not - shot the idea down. Colvus stifled her laughter reading it. 
On that note, Colvus sifted through the Roster of the base; 15 "Active" members, 50 MIA/KIA/POW. A Majority of the list had been corrupted, but a few names stood out to her in both lists. Calculite himself, along with a bot named "Archeo-Tech", and another named "Stratosfear" and amongst the dead a bot named "Stratovarious" who was "terminated prior to recommendation." Spooky, Colvus thought. The Intrepid Triple Changer quickly skimmed through the base's directory only to find that, while there had been about 30 more floors, all but this one and 4 more had been destroyed in some kind of cataclysm. As she was about to dive into Calculite's personal logs...Colvus nearly tipped over...she'd been running on fumes for the last hour or so, and needed a recharge ASAP. Luckily, Calculite's recharge pod was still in working condition. She selected the Stasis Pod Control section of the menu, and activated it's recharge cycle.
> Please Enter Pod.
"Works for me..." Colvus almost yawned.
The Camien stumbled into the pod, folding her wings and relaxing as the pod did it's work, dropping her into stasis as it revitalized it's new occupant. She was long overdue for a power down, and had forgotten just how nice it was to be able to take a nap in relative safety. Unbeknownst to her, however, The pod was doing more than just revitalizing her. Colvus had completely misunderstood the nature of the project it seemed, and was blissfully unaware of the pod's true nature. It had taken note of her...her every feature and to some extent her thoughts as well. Down to even some of the most minute details, the stasis pod documented all of the information it could on the unsuspecting visitor. Though it’s intent was non-malicious, The Pod’s function was most certainly sinister looking...despite this, Colvus awoke from her power nap feeling better than she had in months of travel, and was set to leave the facility. Stretching her joints and wings, Colvus made ready to depart for the next locale. Although she’d gotten through a lot of the files, Colvus hadn’t been able to finish her in-depth reading before she nearly conked out. Eager to move on with her journeys, she used her data pad to copy everything in Calculite's terminal for her to show to someone else later. Maybe something in his logs would come in handy someday? From what she heard, a lot of The War’s scientists and inventors were geniuses in their craft. She just wished that enough of them were around to help fix the mess they made...With her patience for the decrepit cave expended, Colvus took her leave of the Facility and headed off for the next destination on her list...Not aware of what she had just awoken deep within the base’s hidden bowls...
--- Some Time Later ---
Utilizing the data that had been acquired from Colvus unknowingly volunteering for Project: COPYCAT, Calculite's Facility computer automatically began the process of construction. 7 Frozen Sparks - All Calculite could get his hand for a test batch - were taken from storage, all awaiting their new bodies...their prepared forms were created not by hand, but by manipulation of pure Sentio Metallico preserved from Cybertron itself. The Metallico was poured over 3 days into ever-changing molds, one for each new spark, in the likeness of Colvus. Alternate modes were pre-selected from the pod's scans of Colvus' mind and memories, and were distributed amongst these clones...
Calculite had come up with the scheme eons ago on Cybertron, initially as a means of bringing back Transformers who he believed had been taken before their time. Perfect recreations - or even improvements - on already existing Transformers, as a means of preserving and extending life. As time went on and the war began and escalated, the objective of his project had changed as a means of securing his continued usefulness to Megatron. Though he supported the Decepticon cause from afar, He initially wanted no part of the war. It took being persecuted by the remnants of Sentinel Prime's forces for him to go all in, believing that an Autobot Victory would simply cause history to repeat. In the later days of the war he came up with other schemes to buy time for COPYCAT to get off the ground. He figured that if Megatron was pleased with his idea, he could coast off of it, and let his new creations do the work while he faded into the background, maybe even disappearing. And disappear he did, as when the war was over, Calculite and his team all went to ground.
The Molded Metallico had done it's work, sparks neatly installed and inserted into pods for activation. Essentially, these initial subjects were to be treated as MTOs, only harder to produce and more...real. The next tests would have involved implanting the memories of a fallen Decepticon Soldier, but the testing never reached that phase. With the Facility running on reserve power, the Educational Program was interrupted...getting only far enough that they could read, write, fight and speak. However, this batch was not taught any of the values of Decepticonism, as Calculite assumed his first subject would ALREADY BE a decepticon...thus, this batch would be factionless, and left to wonder...and wander...
--- 3 hours after programming ---
A hiss came from the first of the 7 pods, and out of it fell a male "Camien'', fresh to life. Mid-fall, he yelped and stuck his knees out, hitting the ground on all fours in a total haze. His thoughts raced...What is this? Who am I? Where am I? What's happening? Is this real? He composed himself, and braced himself against a wall as he stood up. For a moment, the bot shivered in place, before managing to gain equilibrium and balance himself properly. He felt like he was made of a jelly for a second there, not able to muster enough strength to keep himself right before finally feeling solid enough to move on his own. He waited for a minute in place, making sure that he was really alright...this was all so new, having a body and what not...
He began to survey the room, not really knowing what else to do. It wasn't too big or too small...there was one closed door, 7 other pods...and what looked like a mirror. Though he looked over the pods as he made his way across the room, the mirror was his focus. It gave him a view of his shoulders, chest, head and...wings? His eyes were an emerald green and his body shade of blue that he quite admired...Navy? Yeah, he liked the sound of that. Having caught all his bearings, the bot turned his attention to the other pods...
Looking inside of each one as he made his way down the row, the faces of the bots - all the rest of them femmes - were identical...but their other features - wings, wheels, helms and the like - they were all different. The bot stared at the occupant of the pod that was right beside his...and on a whim decided to wake her up. What else could he do, really? He fiddled with the controls of her pod, and the sequence came to him naturally.
> Stasis Pod #0002 / Subject: "null"
> Activate Release Sequence 
> Authorization: [...]
The bot paused for a minute. He knew the authorization code - it was one of his first thoughts - but now the stasis pod wanted something else. His name. His optics darted about. 
His name.
> Authorization: [****] Subject 0001 "Cody"
> Authorization D[ERROR] 
> Activation in Progress... Standby...
A familiar hiss came from the second pod, filling the room yet again until the hatch was all the way open. The subject didn't fall out like Cody did. He felt...Jealous. The fall kinda hurt. The occupant of the pod had a more gentle awakening, her optics fluttering awake and her armor flushed with a Dark Evergreen color. The femme rolled her joints as she stepped out of the pod slowly but steadily holding onto the side to ensure she didn't fall over. Cody watched intently, not really sure what to make of his sibling...the two made rather awkward eye contact and held it in silence for a second or two.
"Um...h-hey." Cody stammered first.
The femme gave a sheepish wave. "Hey...?" She stepped out of her pod completely and took in her surroundings like Cody did. "Where is everybody?"
Cody shrugged and looked to the door... "I don't think there IS an everybody." 
"There's you, though." The femme rolled her right arm. "Got a name?"
"...Cody." Cody felt more sure about the name when he said it out loud. "You?"
The femme took a few seconds of contemplation before giving an answer. It helped that someone was there to ask her what she thought, as opposed to fumbling for an answer. 
She looked up from the floor and gave her answer: "Cielo."
Cody gave a nod and a faint half smile. One down, he thought. Pointing to the next pod, he made his way past Cielo to release the next clone. "I'm gonna...start waking these folks up one at a time. Alright?"
"Folks? What are- hey, look at that!" The surprise in Cielo's voice got a small chuckle out of Cody. "How long have they been there??"
Cody didn't look up as he authorized the release of the 3rd pod's occupant. "As long as i can remember...that ain't very far back though, so don't take my word on it."
Stepping back, Cody and Cielo watched as the next pod opened...the occupant inside already appeared to be awake by the time the vapor cleared, stretching her arms out and stepping out of the pod with an energy that could only be described as jubilant. Her body didn't really change color, rather it started to shine as it went from a matte gray to a shining Roman Silver. Her eyes were Ocean Blue and full of life...even though she'd just begun to experience it. 
The Silver Duplicate stretched her arms up high and tilted from side to side, grunting as her joints popped and servos rolled. She...didn't really seem to notice Cody or Cielo at all. The other two bots watched...waiting for her to notice their presence.
Jumping in place then stretching her arms out behind her, She finally took note of her siblings. "Hmm? Oh, hey! What's up?"
"You tell us, Sister..." Cielo crossed her arms and cocked a hip.
The new-formed tilted her head. "Me? Well...I'm Chiyo. Nice to meet ya!" She looked between Cody and Cielo, then turned to the other pods. "You guys got me out of there?"
"Yeah..." Cody trailed off, inching closer to the next pod. "Say...how'd you know your name so quick? Me and Cielo... I'm, uh, Cody, and that's Cielo... we needed a minute for our names..."
"Oh! I guess I just knew." To Chiyo, all of this was like water off a duck's back...not a worry to be had. 
As Cody started to move for the next pod, Cielo had instead opted to head for the door...and promptly knock it down. Cody flinched hard at the sound of metal slamming on metal and the subsequent crash of the door falling onto the ground. He ran to Cielo's side and grabbed her shoulder.
"What the hell was that?!" Cody squeaked. The sudden noise spooked him quite a bit. "I'm trying to focus here!"
Without turning to face her brother Cielo walked out of the room and into the next. "I want answers for why we're in here to begin with, and i don't think anyone in that room is gonna have them." 
The next room had a single pod and an assortment of medical equipment...and a lone terminal. The Pod looked as though it had been used recently...though Cielo could tell whoever had done so was long gone. Chiyo eagerly followed her sister, followed by a less enthusiastic Cody. While the Femmes observed the medical equipment, Cody took the time to fiddle with the console...noting that it had a data entry still open from it's last use.
"Project: COPYCAT."
Cody didn't turn his attention from the screen, but called out. "Hey, uh...ladies? You might wanna come see this?"
--- Solus-12, Abandoned Decepticon Outpost ---
Calculite was not a bot of superstition, but was more than willing to use said superstition to keep himself safe. At war's end, The Decepticon Scientist feared prosecution for involvement in Decepticon Experimentation, even if most of his work turned out benign in the grand scheme of the cause. He'd recently encouraged all of his staff to go their separate ways, hoping they could live their lives in relative peace now that the war was over. However, Calculite chose not to return home, rather he dedicated himself to realizing his original goal. Starting over from scratch would be a daunting task, he knew, but it would be well worth it if he could grant a second chance to some of the unfortunate sparks lost during the war...even if it wasn't all of them he still had to try. 
As he began to scan the planet for mining sites, Calculite conversed with himself constantly...about what-ifs, if-onlys and what-could-have-beens...
"That's bad for your mental health you know..." He quipped.
"Of course I know...It's just..." He sighed, looking down at his feet. "...A bit hard to break the habit."
For about 2 minutes, Calculite's gaze was fixed to his feet. The floor. He missed his team. He missed Cybertron. He missed being sure in himself and his work. He missed feeling alive. It was hard for him to get out of his rut, but inspiration usually followed when he did. He could work for days at a time before spending another 2 mulling over the past. The Scientist had trapped himself in a vicious cycle in the weeks since his arrival, and even if he were aware of it, it was unlikely that he could free himself from it.
But there was someone on Solus-12 who could. 
As The Ex-Decepticon proceeded with his sweep for potential mining sites, he happened upon what appeared to be what was left of a previous Cybertronian mining detail. A surprisingly intact one, he observed. Calculite hovered above the site for a moment before landing, scanning for activity amongst the equipment there...it looked as though the gear has seen frequent usage AND repair for the better part of a millenia. Checking around, Calculite found traces of Treads in the grass and mud nearby...BIG treads. They led off towards a rocky valley...
He perked up... "Cybertronian settlers?? HERE??" He transformed and immediately set off, following the tracks. "Please...PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!"
Ever since he disbanded his team, Calculite had been CLAMORING for contact, or any kind. He'd been so alone and so absorbed in his work that he had all but forgotten what it was like to hold a conversation with someone other than himself. Work, mine, rest, repeat... but now there was a chance that there was another cybertronian here! Maybe even more than one! Calculite could barely contain himself, nearly crashing several times as he weaved through the valley, following the treads until they stopped beneath a stone arch, nestled deep within a canyon. From there, they turned into footsteps. Large ones. About the size of a Cybertronian in fact!
"YES!!!" Calculite ran in, uncharacteristically gung-ho and eager to meet a new face... "Hello?! Hello, is anyone there?! I found your tracks and your mining equipment! I'm Cybertronian like you!"
As he ran deeper and deeper in, he heard what sounded like footsteps!
"My name is Calculite! I'd like to-" When he turned the next corner, he was immediately greeted with a large mass. It knocked him off balance and onto his aft... he must've looked a sight to his fellow Cybertronian. "I sincerely apologize...I didn't mean...to..."
Calculite trailed off as he was met with the sight of a hulking Heavy-Frame, towering over him and looking rather...upset...The figure was Gun-Metal Black, armored to hell and back, and looked so dinged up and scarred that if they told him they'd fought in every single battle of The Great War, Calculite might have believed them. Their eyes were a fierce yellow...glowing like fire. The larger bot kneeled down toward Calculite, with a scowl that caused the comparatively small scientist to shrink further. Their eyes narrowed as they spoke.
"...LEAVE."
For a moment, Calculite was still, but as he regained his bearings he registered what the bot had said and responded weakly. "What?" He felt his spark begin to quiver.
"...Go. Away." The larger bot said, and they turned away to return to their apparently prefered solitude..
"I...I...wait...you...!" Calculite stammered and shook, not knowing how to react...
This was the worst way it could have possibly gone...the only other cybertronian on all of Solus-12 and they didn't want anything to do with him?! Why?? What had he done to deserve this, he wondered? What could he do to solve this...? He was so bereft with grief that he nearly collapsed.
"...alright...I'm...sorry to have bothered you..." The tone of Calculite's voice was...different from all the others that The Heavy Frame had encountered...he was genuinely sorry.
"...S-sorry? ...you're sorry?" The heavy frame turned around. "You...didn't do anything..."
Now dejected, Calculite protested. "Yes, I did...I disturbed your peace, thinking you needed a friend and I-"
The heavy frame cut the smaller bot off by picking him and and hoisting him under their arm. This one was different. This one could stay around. As he was lifted, Calculite was startled for certain, but knew that this bot meant him no harm. Though he wasn't thrilled about being carried like luggage...
"H-hey!" Calculite half-heartedly struggled, flailing slightly. "What are you doing??? I don't need you to...Oh, forget it..." The Scientist went limp, and simply let his bulky new friend take him into the canyon. 
--- Cirrus-7, Decepticon Experimentation Facility ---
There was a lot to unpack here. Having read through all of the contents of Calculite's terminal, Cody, Cielo and Chiyo now had to come to terms with the fact that they were clones, that their template had left without even knowing she had been cloned and that there had apparently been a whole war they were just a few years short to. Cody and Cielo leaned back against the wall of the Pod Chamber, still mulling over the revelation in their heads. It wasn't the answer they were expecting for certain. Chiyo, meanwhile, was still as chipper as she was when she woke up. 
Her exact wording when she found out was: "Cool!"
In the meantime, she ran off speeding through the facility to explore more of it's floors. Disappointed to discover that most had been destroyed, Chiyo reported back to her siblings to give them the bad news...though they didn't really seem all that interested.
"MAN! This place is totally wrecked...I guess that means some of us will have to share a room." The silver femme shrugged. It really was no big deal to her. She turned around and noticed that the other pods were still sealed...and no one else was in the room but Cielo and Cody. 
"...Hey...you haven't woken up the others yet? What gives?" Chiyo tugged on Cody's wing.
Cody sighed. "Look, sis...you wanna tell the others here that they're clones, that's fine by me. Be my guest. I ain't lookin' to drop bombs on anyone here, so..." 
Chiyo was already at the 4th pod's controls when Cody finished his sentence.
"...Ok,sure...you do you..." He muttered.
With a hiss of decompression, the next pod was unsealed. The occupant was still in her pod for a moment as color came to her chassis and light to her eyes. A dark violet, complimented by eyes glowing amber, the femme came to. 
Chiyo greeted her. "Howdy! I'm Chiyo! Welcome to the world! We're clones." She said bluntly, much to the shock and protest of her siblings. "Those are Cody and Cielo. They're clones too! What's your name?"
The femme pushed herself off of Chiyo and on to her own feet. She rubbed her chin, scanning her siblings and then the rest of the room. "My name, I think, is Cerrie...thank you for waking me..." She seemed to be deep in thought. Like something was bothering her...
Cody picked himself up and took a step towards her. "You good?"
With a nod, Cerrie half-smiled. "I'm fine, thank you. Sorry for making you worry...It's nothing."
The other 3 took her at her word, not seeing a reason any of them would have secrets to keep...they had all literally been brought online, so why worry?
On a whim, Cody gestured to Cielo and Chiyo. "Alright...last 3...Pick a Pod and open 'er up. Let's get this done quick..." 
Cielo scoffed. "You changed your mind quick..."
"Hey..." The lone mech raised his hands. "I said I didn't wanna drop the whole clone thing on them. I'll still let 'em loose...but, eh...Chiyo's the one who gets to do the reveal."
"I call dibs on the last one!" Chiyo raced to the end of the row and stood ready to open the pod. "Let's go in order! You go first, Cody!" 
Taking his place at the 5th pod - and Cielo at the 6th - Cielo hit the release for her pod and watched as the next clone slowly woke up and became aware of herself. 
The femme's chassis filled in from the top down, her body the colors of a sunset - A dark, midnight purple to fading orange. Her eyes were shining, a brilliant Neon Green, brighter than Cody's own. She looked around for just a moment...before tackling Cody to the ground on sight. Everyone watched the scene unfold as the Sunset Clone held Cody on the ground in a hug.
"THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU FOR WAKING ME UP!" She beamed. "That was so kind of you to do! Can I be your friend??" 
Cody struggled to pry her off, but gently responded. "We're...pretty much all already friends...All of us here are in the same boat. We're all new to...being online and stuff. That and...well..." He trailed off.
Looking around, the femme's wings began to flutter excitedly...she was a gleeful as a puppy almost. The other femmes holding back their laughter, Cerrie helped Cody and the new femme back onto their feet. Cerrie was immediately embraced in a softer, but still firm hug. 
"I'm Culeen! It's so nice to meet you all!" The wonder in her optics disarmed Cerrie completely, as well as everyone else. Looking around, everyone in the room came to a silent agreement: If anyone dared to try to bring harm to Culeen, They die.
Cielo opened her pod next, and it's occupant came alive as their body flushed a dull gold and her eyes lit up red as they seemed to gaze right at - and through - Cielo and the others...she stepped out of the pod and looked around, more lost than any of the others, but was still calm. She was observing herself more than anyone else. She too was subject to a hug from Culeen, much to her surprise.
"Welcome!!" Culeen, almost radiating happiness at this point, smiled at The Gold Femme.
Cielo came to their side. "Welcome to the clown show. Over there's your ringmaster, Cody." She gestured to the rest of the group. "I'm Cielo, over there's Chiyo, that one's Cerrie and the cuddle bug here is Culeen." 
Culeen unwrapped herself from her sibling and took her hands. "What's your name?"
The golden femme was silent for a moment, taking in the sudden wave of affection from her sibling and the oddity of her situation. Looking down at her grasped hands, she blinked.
"...Cinclair..." She said softly.
Culeen smiled bright and swung her hands gleefully, pulling Cinclair along with her to the other side of the room where she began to become acquainted with her fellow clones. In the meantime, Chiyo began to unseal the last pod. She noted that it had gotten a lot livelier with the addition of Cerrie, Culeen and Cinclair...the others were talking with each other, and they already seemed like they were comfortable with their newfound company. She'd only known Cody and Cielo for about an hour and the others for even less, and yet she loved them all more than life itself already. She hoped that their lastest sibling would feel the same...The pod holding the last femme opened, and the newcomer woke up with a sudden gasp. Her frame filled in a familiar red and her optics glowing with an amber hue that Chiyou had sworn she'd seen before. As they pulled themselves out of the pod, the others all turned to greet her. Culeen, of course, was first.
"ANOTHER FRIEND!!! This day is just...THE BEST!!" The Sunset Femme threw her arms up, fists balled. Every passing minute was like another birthday...
The newly activated clone caught her bearings rather quickly...taking a few more deep breaths before stepping out of her pod. "This is...new...what's the deal?"
Cody moved to the front of the small group and answered. "We're all clones. So are you. And now that we're all here..." He turned around to face his siblings. "...we need to figure out where to go from here...
--- Solus-12, Neuya's Home. ---
Still wrapping their head around the concept of having a guest within the walls of their makeshift domicile, Neuya actually found themselves rather glad that they'd taken a chance on Calculite. The Heavy frame had awkwardly introduced themselves, and brought the Scientist to their full time home: A patch work hab-suite in a cave made with parts from various destroyed Autobot and Decepticon bases. It wasn’t much, but it was what Neuya had, although Calculite didn’t seem to mind at all. Despite being one of those Decepticons - The ones who tended to hurt the planet and steal the resources that Neuya had mined to survive - the visiting mech was nothing but a humble, polite, and all around pleasant guest. Calculite was alone, and had been for quite some time… 2 millenia he’d said. The way he simply heeded Neuya’s warning with little to no resistance also made the Heavy Frame reconsider their stance towards him. Though considering that they remembered next to nothing about how to start a conversation naturally, simply scooping him up off the floor was...odd, to say the least.  They hadn't met someone like him in...well...it had been a VERY long time. Something Calculite was now uncomfortably familiar with. And didn't the bot just ramble on...talking about his scientific findings about local flora, fauna, previous projects and other things that seemed to be his passion. Neuya didn't understand a whole lot of it, never having been the scientific type, but they did their best to listen regardless. At that moment, Calculite was explaining some of his last experiments before the end of the war that he'd gotten a kick out of.
"...I don't think i've ever been audibly BOO'ED for any of my work in my entire life! I knew they weren't going to go for it, but they played into it like I was a bad stand-up comic at Maccadam's!" Calculite gently chuckled as he went on. "Someone even threw a container of Energon Goodies at my head! I didn't even know we HAD those at the base! I started requesting them for my work-station after that. And everyone was in good spirits after that..." 
Neuya smiled as Calculite spun his oddly merry tale. For a Scientist aligned with such brutal characters...he seemed...nice. "Sounds fun." They said, brief and gentle. 
Some of the words that Calculite was saying were familiar to the larger bot...Energon Goodies. Neuya recalled enjoying those somewhat. And Maccadam’s. They used to go there before their empurata...He really was from Cybertron. To Neuya, the planet was almost nothing more than a memory, like a dream that they’d forgotten and could now only briefly and inconsistently. They hated that. Having the chance to continue helping people robbed from them, then turned into a war machine and sent off planet for who knows what purpose. Everything Calculite was saying only reminded Neuya more and more of the life they had stolen from them, and while it was no paradise it was certainly better than living in a dump like this in isolation. Calculite’s voice pulled The Heavy Frame from their internal brooding, not realizing that Neuya was in their own headspace for a time.
“Y’know...sometimes I wish that I could just go back. Not to my work with The Decepticons, but to my work in The Golden Age…” The smaller bot let out a long sigh. “Back when all that was asked me was to create and help others. Not make bioweapons or doomsday devices. I’m not built for that sort of thing!” Calculite’s demeanor shifted rapidly as he talked. “I know it’s...well, I was just telling myself earlier it’s not healthy to...dwell on the past. But now more than ever...even though the war is over...I just keep asking myself-”
“What if…” Neuya finished their thought. If there was a moment of connection between them, this was it. “Same here.”
Calculite nodded. “...You do know, don’t you…?” The more Calculite thought about it, the more he became curious about Neuya, where’d they’d come from, and how they’d ended up in the ruins of a Decepticon base… “Y-you don’t mind if i-”
A loud, obnoxious “WEE-WOO!” belted from Calculite’s arm, startling both him and Neuya as the scientist fell out of his seat, and the Heavy Frame hopped back a good couple of feet. As the duo caught their barrings, Calculite stared at his arm in what Neuya could only interpret as a mixture of disbelief, joy and mortification. They knew the signs of that last one a bit too well...Calculite stood up and - out of habit - showed Neuya the display that had appeared on his arm as if Neuya were one of his lab partners. Confused but engaged, Neuya looked on attentively. 
“Th-This...How is that possible?” Calculite’s wrist display projected a series of pods and the mechanical read-outs of a young Triple-Changer. “Someone found...But...HOW?? I deactivated Project: COPY-CAT millennia ago! How did-?!” The Bot’s optics narrowed in horror. “...oh no.”
--- 1,337 years ago, Calculite’s Lab ---
“C’mon, Modem, I promise that it won’t kill you!” Calculite begged the communications officer for his cooperation.
Modem nodded firmly, arms crossed and back turned. “For the last time, Doc. I am NOT climbing into that thing. How do I know i’m not gonna end up Antroid chow???”
“Because that was a JOKE!” Calculite threw his arms up.
“That’s what they all say.” Modem lied. Nobody said that.
In a borderline tantrum, Calculite’s rotors spun-up slightly. “Oh, FINE! Be that way!” Mumbling all the way to his control console, The Huffy Scientist punched up a new string of commands.
> Activate Template Scan Upon Stasis usage.
> Warning! Scan will commence regardless of subject origin.
> Confirm
> Are You Sure?
> CONFIRM
> ...Just saying, this sounds like a bad idea…
> C O N F I R M
> ...Ok...Don’t say I didn’t warn you...Command Recognized.
--- The Skies Above Solus 12, A Very Fast Helicopter flying at Very High Speeds. ---
“I’M SUCH AN IDIOT!!!”
Calculite made a beeline for his ship at breakneck speeds, prompting Neuya to give chase. Right...Neuya. Calculite had no right to ask them for help but...this was so incredibly urgent! Some unwitting wanderer had accidentally cloned herself, and according to the alert, her doppelgangers were ONLINE! They could get hurt! Or hurt someone else! Or both! ...or neither??? Too much risk! Too many factors! There were 7 of them, and either any one of them could be EVIL! What if that one was the leader? What if any of them were outliers? Point One Percenters?! ...ok, that one was a little less likely, but even so! With all of the risk factors that were included in even one clone being out there by itself, Calculite was thrown into a full blown panic! So much could go wrong in such a little amount of time...and what about the template? What if SHE was EVIL?! Calculite was flying so fast his engines were sputtering with flames.
Neuya was just confused. To them, Calculite had barged out of his front door and took off yelling a bunch of synonyms for “Not Good.” Thankfully, their gunship mode could easily keep up with Calculite’s Helicopter form...They recognized the model. An earthling helicopter. Mil Mi-24D. Hailing from the “country” they took their ground alt. from. They could see how hard Calculite was pushing himself...just how badly did he screw up???
The scientist dove hard, piercing a large hole in the clouds below as Neuya plunged behind him. In his haste, Calculite pulled up too late and failed to stop himself from skidding on the ground. Catching his belly on something and causing him to shift back to robot mode, Calculite harshly tumbled and rolled before finally coming to a stop just in front of his ship. Neuya’s landing, just beside their companion, was far more graceful. Making sure Calculite was alright, the heavy frame hoisted up the smaller bot and looked over the ship they’d been led to...the thing was a sorry sight. Decepticon logos on the sides and tail were faded and scratched beyond nearly all recognition, and it’s once-dark purple coloring was now a mere violet-gray.
Steadying himself and getting back on track, Calculite’s hands worked like lightning, slapping in combinations and commands on his wrist’s remote controls for his slumbering ship. “Get in, Quick! I’ll have the repair drones fix it while we’re airborne!”
Neyua watched confused as the skittish bot started pulling and tugging at them in a panic. “Wh-wait...wha..?”
“Please! We have to hurry! There’s no telling what damage the clones could do unsupervised!” The aforementioned repair drones swirled around Calculite as he stumbled into the ship, manic and off balance.
The ship was in tatters both inside and out, but was in good enough condition to fly without blowing up...for the most part. The Repair Drones were working quickly enough that they could achieve take-off within 5 minutes or less, albeit with the ship still under repair. Time was of the essence however, as for all Calculite knew, The clones were on a rampage at that very second!
--- Cirrus-7, Calculite’s Lab. ---
Culeen traced the shape of a heart into the small holographic screen she was playing with, as the others bickered over what to do now. With the clones all online, Cody didn’t see any reason they should stick around, nor did Cielo. Chiyo protested, saying that the facility was home and that they could figure out what to do after settling in. Cerrie agreed to the sentiment, and suggested that they begin figuring out what to do after they’d found a steady supply of resources...Cinclair was already distracted, having become fixated on a chair she’d found and spinning in constant circles. The others knew she would go with the flow, however, and allowed her to maintain rotation. And then there was Calrim, who immediately shouted “FOLLOW ME!” and then charged out the door in vehicle mode. The roar of her engine as she came back halted the conversation among the other clones.
She skidded to a halt and assumed robot mode in front of the conversing group. “What the hell?! Where were you guys? Didn’t you hear me???” She whined.
Cody pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look, sis...we’re not going anywhere until we figure out what we’re going to be doing out there. Heading out and coming up with a plan on the fly isn’t really a good idea when we don’t know what’s out there…”
“Or even where we are.” Cerrie added. “To top it all off, No matter what we end up doing, we’re not going to last long unless we can find or scavenge a steady source of engeron for ourselves...maybe some of us can go outside in shifts while the rest stay inside and come up with a plan?”
As Cody prepared his thoughts, his optics shifted around the room. “If we leave now, maybe we can find another site that’s a bit like this one...maybe one in…” He gestured his hand in a circle. “...better shape?”
“But...we came from here...so it’s pretty much home, right?” Chiyo’s face curled into a slight frown. “We can’t just leave without a second thought. I mean...I know we just got made and all but…” 
Even Chiyo herself didn’t know why she was so attached to the facility. In her mind, there was sentiment in it that just couldn’t really be explained. Like...she’d been here for eons and wasn’t willing to just leave on a whim. She couldn’t, for the life of her, explain why though. The others seemed totally ambivalent to the whole ordeal, especially Cinclair, who didn’t really seem interested in anything. Chiyo began to wonder; though she didn’t wish to simply let go of the facility, she did want to know why she was so attached to it in the first place...she had only just been forged here...so...why? Cody, Cielo and Cerrie continued to debate over a plan of action among themselves, as Chiyo moved to the facility’s stairwell to grab some of the supplies on the lower floor she’d found earlier. As she did, Cinclair silently followed, having grown bored of her rotation and seeking new stimuli. Calrim gave chase as well, seeing as she couldn’t get a word in with the others. Culeen was content to continue messing with the terminal as everyone else was busy and happily pressed every random prompt that showed up on screen. In her browsing, she absent mindedly blew passed the entries about Project: COPYCAT, Calculite’s notes and the personnel records, and stumbled across what appeared to be a new entry in the database, not that she would have recognized that. The prompt read “COPYCAT Template” and on screen, an image of a strikingly familiar femme appeared on screen, so familiar that Culeen was taken aback!
With an audible gasp, she shouted! “We have another sister?!” She let out a joyous squeal that prompted the others to come to her side.
Cody, Cerrie and Cielo rushed over, to find Culeen fluttering and rocking with utter joy. A quick observation of the terminal informed them that this wasn’t a new clone...this was their template. The one who they were based off of...Colvus.
With a nod, Cody looked to his 3 present sisters and gave a relieved, maybe shocked, huff. “Well...I guess that answers that question. What we do with this info, though...well...i’ve got nothing.”
“Weird how she just bolted…” Cielo crossed her arms, squinting at her template’s image. “Maybe she had trouble after her, couldn’t stay?” Trying to piece a reason why she left, Cielo looked to Cerrie. ��Got any ideas, Sis?”
Gently scooting Culeen aside, Cerrie thoroughly observed the file down to every detail. After about 2 minutes of scanning, Cerrie scrolled back up to the top of the file, and blinked. “That...that can’t be right. There must be some kind of system error.” 
Before anyone could ask what was the issue, Cerrie refreshed the file, checked for corrupted data and double checked for any bugs and security breaches within the system...but the result came up the same regardless. Cerrie leaned back, looking as if she’d just been given the keys to Iacon...Cody, Cielo and Culeen leaned close to see what she’d been so blown away by: Colvus had only left 3 Solar Cycles Ago. The group all sat dumbfounded for a moment, reconsidering just what the nature of their creation had been, the intention of their template, and...pretty much everything that had occurred since their activation. 
“LET’S GO FIND HER!” Culeen jumped up so quick, her after-burners sputtered. “Please??? Can we go find her, PLEASE????” She clung to Cody and shook him needily. 
The Mech looked to his other siblings, who both shrugged. What else could they do? “Might as well. Beats sitting here on our hands…”
Culeen was so overjoyed that she transformed into her Sports Car mode involuntarily and nearly knocked Cielo off her feet and peeled out into the hallway. She zoomed past Chiyo, Cinclair and Calrim, all of whom had been present for her...exclamation. Chiyo and Calrim were lugging large crates, whilst Cinclair stood beside them.
“Her?” Cinclair asked, flat and monotone. “Who’s...her?”
“Our template.” Cerrie explained, “According to this data file, Colvus, as she’s called, came to this facility on a whim...She’s been hitting several abandoned sites across various planets all relating to an...apparent Civil War that we missed. What she was doing here, we can’t discern…”
Cody shrugged. “...and now, Culeen’s itching to follow her and ask her.” Moving to Cerrie’s side at the terminal, Cody began mulling in his head over the concept of a straight forward meeting, perhaps confrontational, meeting with their template. There were a lot of questions that needed answering, both before and after contact was made with Colvus. Did she have some sort of entourage? Did she have any idea that they were even online? ...and could she even be followed reliably?
As he began to confer with Cerrie and the others, Culeen remained in the doorway of the facility’s entrance looking as though she was retracing her steps, though she’d only just been created. It felt as though she could see...feel where another had been. She could see every step on their path, literally glowing from the cave’s entrance, to the medbay and back again. Like holograms, the ghost of a figure traced those same steps, mirroring every minute action of Culeen’s Template.This was the path. This was Colvus’ path, and now it was that of the clones too. 
“I know the way.” Culeen spoke softly.
---- Aboard Calculite’s Research Vessel ----
Over the few hours they’d been in flight, Calculite had spilled the beans to Neuya about Project: COPYCAT. Literally EVERYTHING. Past iterations, failed features, a list of some of the bots that he had hoped to bring back, his blunder of having the Template Record pod copy anyone who used it out of spite, and most importantly...how he thought that the facility had been destroyed. When the War was looking like it was headed the way of Cirrus-7, Calculite ordered all projects within the facility be ceased, and the base itself be torched and burned...to the point where he sought to do it himself. Of course, more worried about the prospect of being captured and prosecuted than his work being discovered, Calculite detonated the failsafe explosives from orbit as his ship made it’s escape from the supposedly encroaching Autobot forces. Not only was this force non-existent, but so were the charges that were supposed to destroy the first 5 levels of the base. Now, here he sat with the constant reminder of his errors hanging over him...and soon, he feared, there would be many more reminders in the form of innocents slain. 
Neuya, on the other hand, was rather confused by this fear. From what Calculite had shown them, the template of these clones wasn’t much to look at...a scrawny looking thing that could be easily broken, regardless of its number of alternate modes. In their head, the odds looked good to Neuya...they thought this to themselves to draw attention away from the fact that they were utterly terrified of the vacuum. It’s massive expanse and utter lack of ground shook them hard enough to have them prod Calculite with more questions about his project. Even in the Golden Age of Cybertron, Neuya had never put thought into the idea of going to space...let alone having ever been there. Now they struggled to keep their composure as this stranger - could Neuya really call him a friend yet? - pulled them from the only place they had remembered as home, and into the great, vast assault of color and light. Though there was beauty in it, Neuya was only reminded of their haze from when they’d first awoken on Solus-12...maybe they would adjust? If that was the case, the heavy frame hoped dearly that the adjustment would come sooner than later…
“We’re on course to be in orbit of Cirrus-7 in about 3 cycles…” Calculite sounded as if he were about to start hyperventilating. “Although...um...that might be a little hard, all things considered…”
Calculite wasn’t oblivious to just how foriegn Space Travel must have been for his larger friend. Eons alone on a remote planet without a mode of off-world transport must have been...difficult. Even with their drop-ship mode, The Scientist hazarded a guess that Neuya didn’t even realize that their alternate mode was capable of space flight...and from that began to wonder just what had made him this way? There was no way that such a Cybertronian of such strength would be left alone by the likes of the warring factions of their home world. 
Before he prodded any further, Calculite held out his hand to Neuya, a gesture that confused the Heavy Frame. “I know you’re...uncomfortable because of me...and I know that I’m throwing a lot at you so fast...so if there’s anything you need from me in return, no matter what it is, I’ll do my best to help you. Ok?” 
The smaller bot kept his hand out...and Neuya slowly held out their own to meet it. It didn’t completely alleviate Neuya’s fear, but it was better than nothing. They could see that Calculite was a mess, trying his hardest to keep his own composure while juggling keeping their new-found companion assured that they were alright, and planning how best to deal with his blunder. Though they’d not been around others in a very long time, Neuya still knew all too well what self-doubt and loathing looked like. If Calculite didn’t have both, they feared he soon would. 
The Ship’s dashboard pulled the duo’s attention to a small blip on the radar. The sensor array had picked up a ship - ghostly in it’s sudden appearance - approaching them from the starboard side...rapidly. Their own ship wasn’t defenseless, but it would take time for them to activate it’s weapon’s suite, and by the time Calculite had begun the process, it was too late. Looming before their ship was a comparatively massive vessel, one that eclipsed their view of the stars completely. Calculite tried to maneuver out of the cruiser’s way, but found that the controls were unresponsive...not only had the ship completely gotten the jump on them, but it had managed to short out the ship’s navigation and controls as well.
Neuya growled, his instincts flaring up, but not letting themselves get carried away, while Calculite scrambled for his radio, his composure now entirely shattered. “Approaching vessel! This is Calculite of The-” He caught himself before saying Decepticon Army, Scientific division. “-Of Cirrus-7. We are on an urgent mission and mean no harm to your vessel! Why are you boarding us?!” His voice cracked in panic.
Their radio crackled alive in response as the vessel began to pull the smaller craft into one of it’s hangar bays. “We know that you are a Decepticon craft. You are being brought aboard for questioning by order of our captains. Comply, and you will be released safely.” 
The voice that of a femme, and Calculite recognized the craft’s design. Camien. What a vessel of this size from Caminus - fuel starved, Calculite learned from hearsay - was doing out here was beyond him, but he’d hoped to avoid conflict at all costs. Neuya was still fierce faced and tense, knowing all too well how these kinds of encounters ended for them; Laser fire and an enegon-bath. They too were wishing for a peaceful resolution, but considered their history and prepared for the worst. Their ship made a gentle landing inside one of the cruiser’s hangar bays, wide enough to be nestled in between a complimented fighter and a dropship of equal size to their vessel. A group of 5 Camien Security officers, armed both conventionally and with their own on-board weaponry, approached briskly and with purpose. Calculite was the first to rise from his seat, but Neuya was the first one out the airlock as they positioned themselves in front of the smaller Cybertronian. Though they’d only known the scientist for a brief time, Neuya was fiercely determined to keep him out of harm’s way. 
The all-femme group came to a halt just as the ship’s boarding ramp came down, 4 on each side of their slightly larger leader, Breakthrough. “All occupants, disembark immediately!” She shouted, sternly, but not harshly. 
Calculite slunk down the ramp with hands raised, followed by Neuya, who stood firmly behind their smaller friend. They could see the shock from the other 4 members of the squadron. One of them, a shifty looking jet, kept a sword fully raised and pointed at the heavy frame. All of them but their commander were in awe of Neuya, standing taller than them by half their heights. The squadron lead returned Neuya’s cold stare with a stare equally frigid. In spite of Neuya’s presence overwhelming her comrades, Breakthrough remained unmoved. 
She shifted her sight down to Calculite, deeming him more willing to talk than his comrade. “We thank you for your cooperation thus far, sir…” Breakthrough’s hands held firmly behind her back as she began her questioning. “We’ve been tracking your movement through this sector and have suspicion that you’re in possession of some information that we would find quite valuable.” 
Confused, Calculite straightened himself. “What…? I don’t really follow. We’re looking to get to Cirrus-7 to retrieve some…” He paused. “...sensitive materials. They could end up harming others, and we’re seeking to minimize any potential damage.”
“Odd for a decepticon…” Breakthrough noted. “...We were enroute to Cirrus-7 as the last known location of an individual of High Value to our captains, and were led to believe that you were in possession of information of said individual.” The Commander held out a small hologram disk in her hand and presented it to the duo. The likeness of a young Camien appeared before them. “This is our target. She was last reported to be enroute to Cirrus-7 a few cycles ago.”
“Hey…” Neuya rumbled. “Isn’t that...the one? The...template?”
Calculite was in awe. “Indeed it is!” Pulling up his wrist projector’s image of the recently scanned “template”, Calculite crossed referenced the image with that of the commander’s, to find that their subjects were one and the same. “This is PERFECT!” He exclaimed! “Our mutual friend has stumbled across something that I don't think she fully understands!”
Breakthrough breathed a sigh of mixed relief and exasperation at the progression of her task. “That much was to be assumed when we took this job.” She muttered under her breath. “Come with us...You need to speak with our captains.”
Not waiting another moment, The Squadron followed their leader down the hangar bay and towards the bridge. Neuya and Calculite looked at one another with gentle, uneasy smiles, then followed suit. This trip had already gotten more eventful.
---- Captains’ Quarters of The Arrow of Prima ----
Serving as joint captains of The Arrow of Prima, Radius and Colvala told the Forgefire Parliament that they had set off to find more sources of energon on uninhabited planets. They fully intended to do so, but only along the way as they carried out their primary mission. About a Stellar-Cycle ago, their daughter Colvus had left Caminus without Radius or Colvala knowing to sate her wanderlust and thirst for adrenaline. Helping Caminus was not enough for their daughter...no, she had to help the whole galaxy to feel some sense of satisfaction. While her mothers were proud of her compassion, her impulsive and reckless behavior worried them so sick that they were willing to tell the Parliament half-truths in order to find her and bring her home.
Did they feel bad for roping their old friends - Carbon Team - into a galaxy spanning expedition to find more energon? Kind of. Were they thankful for their service? Most certainly! Did they feel bad for the mission being a front for finding their daughter and bringing her home safely? Not particularly, as they still did intend to fulfil that objective, but their daughter was priority. Did they feel bad for not telling Carbon Team about the mission’s true nature in the first place? Yes, but they feared that their companions would have told The Parliament of their true primary objective, which thankfully, Carbon Team swore against doing. Did they expect the team to find two total strangers with info about Colvus’ latest misadventure just floating about in space in an old clunky ship? To put it simply, No.
As Calculite spun the tale of his experiment of Cirrus-7, Radius and Colvala were filled with a whirlwind of emotion over their wayward daughter and over the bot who spoke to them now. For all intents and purposes, this could be considered his fault for not making doubly sure that his work had been buried. But they withheld their judgement for the moment, knowing that their daughter’s life mattered more than wasting their focus on a petty blame game. Calculite wrapped up his summary and had a seat on one of the chairs the duo had been offered.
“This...this was all a huge mistake, one that i intend to justify.” The scientist closed. “Will you help...No, will you allow me to help me find your daughter and rectify these mistakes of mine? I owe it to you, and to everyone that my creations might bring harm to.”
Standing up from her chair, Radius had to restrain herself from scolding their guest, knowing he was already taking responsibility and asking for aid...aid that would likely prove invaluable when searching for their child. Or rather, their children now...though she wasn’t certain of how Colvala felt, Radius was almost immediately for the opinion that if these clones were anything like their daughter, then they could be considered her siblings, and by extension...their children. This meant her kin were at risk, and this more than upset her. But this wasn’t the time to be too emotional.
Radius looked Calculite in the optics and spoke firmly. “While we do accept your help with open arms, know that your...previous affiliations leave you suspect. You will be granted access to our ship’s resources and supplies only to aid in our search.” When Radius looked to Colvala for confirmation, her Conjunx nodded in silent affirmation. Radius continued. “Carbon Team shall assign you a handler and they will accompany you through most proceedings across the ship until we reach Cirrus-7. From there, you will accompany Carbon Team to this facility of yours, and search for any trace of our Daughter and report your findings.”
Though the prospect of being shadowed was unnerving, Calculite realized that being a Decepticon - current or former - led many to be wary of him. “I understand. Thank you, Ma’am.” 
Calculite stood up and was led away to be shown his new hab suite and workstation. Neuya watched as he left, and received a solemn smile from his smaller companion. That smile was an apology, Neuya had seen it somewhere on Pre-War Cybertron...but the memory was hazy at best. Without Calculite, they felt awkward sitting in the ornate room surrounded by strangers. This was the first time they’d been around this many other bots that weren’t shooting at them, and it certainly showed to the others in the room. Colvala watched as the heavy frame twiddled their digits nervously, optics darting around the room and avoiding contact with others. 
She slowly tried to get their attention. “...Are you alright?” She asked. “Do you need anything, dear?” 
Neuya perked up and looked at Colvala, startled. “Uhh...I...Ngh…” They winced hard and began to shake… “Sp-space...space alone…please...” There was only so much they could take in one solar cycle.
“It’s alright, you’re ok…!” Colvala reassured them. “Come, come with me...I’ll show you to your suite and give you all the space you need, dear.” 
The heavy frame rocked slightly, but nodded to Colvala as she led them to a safer space, somewhere they could have the quiet they desired. As she did, Radius sent out a general communique to all members of Carbon Team: Do not aggravate or antagonize our larger guest. Signs of unidentified trauma are present, recommending all hands to provide space unless engaged by the guest. As for the Decepticon, but on Guard. We can only trust his word so far…
Breakthrough privately messaged Radius.
[BT: I’ll make sure our guest is properly settled before bringing him on the deployment. Don’t want something going wrong.]
[R: That’s for the best...Thank you, Breakthrough. Your help has been invaluable.]
[BT: Of course. We’ll find your kid yet.]
[R: By the Primes, I hope so…]
---- Cirrus-7, Just outside of Calculite’s Lab ----
Though it had taken sometime to convince them what she was seeing was real, Culeen eventually proved her visions weren’t just a fantasy. She was able to accurately retrace Colvus’ steps through the facility and even predicted where she was going next by going down the list that the database had copied from her memory during the template scan. Now the clones had a solid idea of where their template was headed, a steady stockpile of supplies to come back to, and a whole lot of time on their hands…
Culeen, traced the trail she was seeing across the sky...eventually laying eyes upon another planetoid in the distance. Cirrus-5 “There...she’s headed there…” She turned to face the rest of the group, slightly bouncing up and down with fluttering wings as she began thinking about meeting Colvus. “AAH! I’m so excited! This is gonna be such a fun trip!”
Cody crossed his arms and looked up at their destination, before looking back at their motley crew… “Alright folks...everyone got what they need? Energon? Goodies? A good read?” He joked.
Cielo rolled her neck and shook out her arms. She’d been aching to do SOMETHING since they had awoken, and was more than eager to head out and find more answers. “Ready to roll.”
Chiyo looked back at the base solemnly...it really was a shame that they were leaving in her mind. But if it meant meeting the template, then it was worth it. Adventure didn’t come calling everyday, and she wasn’t about to let that call go unanswered. “I’m ready. Let’s go for it! No day like Today!”
“We’ll likely be out for a couple of Solar-Cycles.” Cerrie’s gaze flipped between her own feet and the planetoid above for a bit. “We have about a Deca-Cycles worth of energon in all of us. If we run low, we double back here for a refuel and head back out.” She looked around at her siblings with a small grin. “As an aside, I’ll take pictures!”
Cinclair was focused on a datapad she’d nicked from the facility just before their exit. She collapsed it and clipped it to her thigh, giving a thumbs up that she was all ready. She wasn’t particularly excited for the whole jaunt, nor was she dreading it. She was just following the leader...whichever one of them it was at the moment.
And then there was Calrim, still pouting and muttering that no one wanted to follow her...she would’ve thought about finding Colvus eventually! And probably would’ve found her relatively quick. At least they were doing something though. “Ok, fine...Let’s go. But I get to think about a name for our group, ok guys?!” 
Cody cocked his head slightly. “Do we...need one of those??”
“YES.” That the question was even posed set Calrim off slightly. “We do. If we’re going to be traveling in a group, making a name for ourselves...we need a cool name…”
“Ok! Let me know when you come up with one! I’d love to hear it!” Culeen’s innocent response threw Calrim off, earning her a huff from her younger sibling. “Now…” Culeen’s wings fluttered before she launched into the air and transformed. “RACE YA!”
Cielo and Chiyo were quick to take up Culeen on her challenge, not knowing just how fast their little sibling was. Calrim was quick to chase after them, with Cerrie scrambling behind them and Cinclair taking her sweet time, knowing well she wouldn’t be left behind. She looked to her siblings trailing off in the sky, and then to the planetoid they streaked off to...and then to the strange, silhouette of a ship that was approaching them from a distance away.
She blinked once. “Huh. That’s weird.” Then she took off, not worried about it THAT much. Maybe she would if it got too close. Not too much to worry about if it didn’t, she figured. 
As she rejoined the group, staggered formation shifted constantly: Calrim and Cielo’s alt modes were nowhere near as fast as that of their siblings, though as Cybertronians, even outdated alts could be pushed past their limits. Even then, Culeen led the pack as her jet mode screamed across this sky, seemingly propelled by her enthusiasm. Her sheer excitement turned into a power source. Cody had to push himself to keep up and get her to slow down while the others did their best to keep pace. 
As they were the furthest behind and not within ear-shot of their sibling, Cielo inched toward Calrim. “You’re awful quiet...you thinkin’ about that name?”
Calrim was silent for a moment, still brooding somewhat after her rejection as Leader by her siblings...though she was at least happy that she got to choose the name of their little posse… “Yeah...but I dunno if the others will like it…”
“Run it by me…” Cielo chuckled. “I’ll be the test audience.”
“You sure? ...It might be kinda lame…” The younger jet waivered slightly.
Undeterred, Cielo prodded. “Totally. Let’s hear it.”
With a sigh, Calrim gave way. “Ok…here goes...”
An hour later, The Copy-Cat Gang passed through a small asteroid field in-between Cirrus-7 and Cirrus-5.
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asteriuszenith · 4 years
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VT Investigation Files: POI Files: Miz Cardozo
(Masterpost)
Account/s
Tumblr
Updated As Of:
8/2/2020
Note/s:
Miz Cardozo’s Statement Regarding The Cases Filed Against Her as Well As Her Response To the Call Out Posts
On the Topic of Names
Dr. Cardozo’s full name is Misericordia Cardozo.
Misericordia is the Latin word for “mercy” which is derived from misericors, ‘merciful’, which in turn is also derived from the words misereri, ‘to pity’, and cor, ‘heart’. I find it quite ironic that she is named that considering it appears that Cardozo is anything but merciful now that facts of her apparent misdeeds and actions regarding different horrible events are being dug out in plain view for the world to see.
Perhaps that itself is one of the reasons why Nocturne and Cassie compared her to that of a Wolf.
Cardozo itself originates from the surname ‘Cardoso’. It came from the old Portuguese and in english, the name’s meaning translates to ‘a field full of thistles’.
2017: A Truthful Confession?
In November 2017, an entire month after the upheaval that had been Adrian Carter’s death, the world began to buzz like a beehive full of angry bees when Dr. Miz Cardozo came forward to confess that she had been hiding a dark secret that she had been unable to utter when her boss had been alive primarily because said boss was the reason why she had to keep silent in fear of his retribution that would certainly ruin her career, reputation, and life.
Miz Cardozo admitted to the entire world at large that she had been sexually harassed by Adrian Carter for the years she had been working under him when he was still alive.
The world had been horrified—scandalized—that the genius Montauk leader that led so many innovations had been That type of person.
2018: What Happened In Rosemary Road?
In 2018, Rosemary Road which is a mental illness treatment facility in which Miz Cardozo had been working at, had gone under critical view as its dehumanizing treatment of its patients had been revealed to the world’s judging eyes. The doctor and current CEO of Montauk came under fire as the way she had treated one of her patients—Jak Richard—was made public. Doctor Cardozo’s subpar treatment of the patient’s nyctophobia (the extreme or irrational fear of the night or of the darkness) which involved locking him within a dark room and refusing to release him even as he had begged her to do so disgusted many people. However, her actions did not just end there. She had also been linked to the illegal surgery of one Derrick Brody which had been believed to have worsened his state.
In an answering post created by the doctor in 2019 as a response to Cassandra Carter and Nocturne’s callout posts, she defended herself for her actions in Rosemary Road as well as denied full responsibility for some of them. She claimed that she and a lot of the staff in the facility had been forced to do such extremely morally dubious measures due to severe pressure from the higher ups to produce immediate results. She also claimed that the people should not immediately believe the words of their patients such as Jak Richards for they are prone to charming and lying in order to exaggerate events in order to get people to take their side.
With regards to Derrick Brody’s illegal surgery, she said that she was not his main doctor and that it had been a man named Dr. Henrik Von Schneeplestein who had been the one to lead and perform the illegal surgery procedure on Mr. Brody. She claimed that the doctor came to her one day seeking her counsel regarding the procedure and she had told the doctor that the procedure has a small percentage of succeeding however it also has a possibility of providing good results and improving Mister Brody’s health. After which Dr. Schneeplestein apparently lied to her and the other members of the surgical team that the board had given him the go ahead to perform the procedure on Mister Brody. Basically, she’s foisting off the entire fault to the other doctor.
Unfortunately for her and for everybody who wants to know the truth, Dr. Schneeplestein along with many other staff and patients in the facility is missing. So he is unable to affirm or deny Cardozo’s claims.
Another thing that had been linked to Cardozo from Rosemary Road is the case of the missing doctor called Lawrence Rose. From what I’ve been reading in the sort of between the lines of everybody’s posts is that Cardozo is responsible or at least is highly connected to the missing case of Dr. Lawrence Rose. It appears that they seemed to have had both a deep and toxic relationship that might’ve led to… abuse, so to speak. Doctor Cardozo seemed to be downplaying their relationship to that of a more professional one of a senior co-worker being far too harsh on her younger coworker in order to teach her the ropes and expressed some regrets on her treatment of Doctor Rose. She also denied the allegations that she inflicted the same abuse that she had suffered from the late Adrian Carter upon Doctor Rose, claiming that she would never do such an act after suffering such things from somebody else.
Jury’s still out on whether these claims are sincere or not though.
Either way, things may become much clearer once I begin to sink my teeth into the intel that I had been sent based on the Rosemary Road events. Although that might take quite a while since there’s… a hell of a lot of them to process and consolidate into a comprehensive article or post.
There appeared to have been an initial trial during 2018 wherein Cardozo had been left to become the scapegoat of the public to take the fallout for the consequences of having these events come into light considering most of the staff and patients involved in the case are either missing, dead, or unfitting to be called for trial. However, regardless of becoming the public’s scapegoat for these events, Cardozo is still being painted as the ‘victim’ rather than a perpetrator and instigator for the crimes committed in the facility by the media. No doubt PR and money had been heavily involved in ensuring these.
Ah capitalism and the unending song of corruption within the system… you will never change, won’t you?
2019-2020: Where is she now?
2019 seems to have been a rough year for Dr. Cardozo. Her trials and questioning was continuing on to 2020 as more information and questions circulating around her kept popping up. She was or may even still be in house arrest after she had been questioned by the FBI probably for her involvement in the RR case. However, unknown to the public, it appears that the Bureau of Unreality is hard at work at covering what may have been their influence slash actions in the case.
There was an unlisted video hidden within the voxtenebris youtube channel which showed what appeared to be Doctor Cardozo holding an interview with the unknown Administrator of the Bureau. However, Cardozo seems rather… dazed? I don’t know how to describe it but like she’s rather distracted. It took the administrator several repeats of their questions for her to catch up and answer them. That seems to be odd considering people’s impressions of her is that yes, she tends to pause a bit before answering because she mulls over what to say in her mind before speaking but the way she spoke in the video was… It was as if she was absent minded? Perhaps she was processing the identity of the Administrator since she met them face to face and I believe that their identity has always been unknown to the public.
But as I said, I rather doubt that since her way of speaking seemed a bit… slurred? I don’t know.
Either way, something odd seems to be going on with Cardozo as something from her might be causing some interference in technology. At a certain part of the video after she lost her temper with the administrator, the audio of the video crackled and screeched before an eardrum destroying thrill/ringing noise came from the speakers before it all settled down as she calmed down as well.
So… What does this entire part imply? It implies that the BOU held these sorts of interviews with Cardozo in order to give her a script that would not implicate them in the RR case. So they must certainly be hiding something rather juicy within this case and they must have been cooperating with or working with Cardozo in order to keep whatever secret it was hidden. Suddenly, the experiments on people with certain abilities mentioned by one of the informants Nocturne talked to in the forums came to the forefront of my mind. It makes me wonder if whatever happened in RR is directly linked or just loosely connected to it. The interview also implies that something odd is going on with Cardozo herself and I wonder if it’s just due to stress or there’s something else at play in this. There isn’t too much information on that right now so I’ll just leave it to the side. I’m pretty sure I’ll get some more intel on that later on once I finish slogging through so much documents and stuff that I had been led to.
Anyway so with that in mind, Cardozo obviously knows something or is involved in something that connects Montauk, the morally dubious experiments committed by both the BOU and Montauk in separate cases, the Rosemary Road case, and the BOU itself together.
With that part done, going back to the court trials, there have been rumors that Cardozo will be cleared of all charges regardless of whatever concrete evidence would be presented in court against her. I’m not exactly surprised. Of course they’d do everything to cover their asses.
Montauk’s stocks would die if its CEO is charged guilty with the ugly shit that’s being filed against her and the BOU would have to cooperate with Cardozo in order to save their asses since I have no doubt that she would be the type of person who would drag an entire ship down with her to the depths of the abyss if they left her in the curb to take all of the fall out of the events on her own.
Be Wary of Her
In one of Nocturne’s nightmare blogger entries, he warned us (or maybe just himself?) to be careful when dealing with Cardozo as she is not who she seems to be. It makes me wonder what this warning meant. It makes me wonder if the nightmare entries might be more than what we thought it to be.
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the1rei · 4 years
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Little Moments: Reboot Chapter Nineteen: Speaking my Language By  Ericobard and shadows59 Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Fandom: Ben 10 Series Relationship: Ben Tennyson/Gwen Tennyson Some Additional Tags: Bullying, No proofreading, Family is Drama, Long burn
Summer’s over and school is in session, made worse as it is middle school.  Amidst the troubles of the new year Gwen finds something she’s always wanted and was beginning to fear she would never have, a friend.  Except Ben of course. 
Read my review below:
Why is Gwen still going to an elementary school?  It is directly stated in the story that Ben is in middle school, "Middle School blows. You're so lucky you don't have to deal."  They are identical ages, so they should be in the same grade as they were in the original, or an explanation should be given as to why they aren't in the same grade.  Gwen's school is a K-12 school; it wouldn't be called an elementary school.  
Gwen answering her phone in school and her receiving no repercussions for throwing away the note Mrs. Adams wrote to her mother shows that scene in chapter eleven was completely needless.  It should have ended after Gwen's viable scolding.  
" - even old Squid Face was this horrible!" I suspect Shadows59 meant to say 'wasn't' here.
The phone call in the middle of school and the deluge of texts that they exchange is supposed to show that they are a sweet couple that is very affectionate with each other.  But it ends up coming across as they are obsessed with each other in an unhealthy way, so much so that they can't go very long without contact of some form.  Even with young infatuation, couples need time apart so they can continue to be individuals, but Ben and Gwen come across as clingy and co-dependent.  She even calls the phone a 'lifeline' to Ben as if she'd die without him.  This wasn't the case in the original, and Shadows59 came across as a much more mature author in how he depicted a healthy but highly romantic love between two kids.  
Flint continues to be a caricature of a creepy guy.  He just says disgusting, hateful things so the reader will be disgusted by him and hate him, but any reader that understands this will just see him as a shallow character with no substance.  Antagonists need to have well-reasoned motivations behind their actions, and yet for all the times the story has brought up Flint, it never tells the reader why he is the way he is.  
Additionally, the things Flint, an eleven-year-old, says are highly sexual and complex suggestions.  It's not the mere perversions of a boy who would say something such as 'show me your panties.'  Instead, he suggests an advanced form of sexual degradation play, which further raises questions about why he is the way he is.  
Even non-prestigious schools had computer labs and teachers who were experts to deal with them long before 1999.  Even with her affinity for computers, it's unrealistic that Gwen would have then said teacher or would be called in to deal with an administrator's computer.  Said computer might even be too old for her to understand at all.  Honestly, I feel like I would let this pass if the story was more like the show and not trying to be a serious story.  
Gwen comparing the reactions she gets from kissing Ben, her love interest in the story, to the reaction a younger brother gives to his older sister when she kisses him is, odd to say, incestuous.  These two reactions should not be comparable because the reaction she should be getting from Ben is one of a peer who hasn't come around to discovering the romantic feels he has for another peer.  The other is the reaction of a younger sibling at getting a kiss from an older sibling who is, in this case, Gwen peer.  So not only does this compare Ben and Gwen as sister and brother but also Ben as being younger than Gwen, making their romance come across as highly inappropriate.
In the original, Gwen has social anxiety, which prevents her from talking to Michelle at first, and it's only when she thinks of Ben is she able to encourage herself to be open the new girl.  This is a very relatable problem, and Gwen displays her courage and willingness to follow another's example, like a hero, overcoming it.  In the reboot, Michelle asks one innocent question, the first thing she has ever said to Gwen, and Gwen is ready to judge her as being like Marci.  Prejudging anyone is a very unheroic act, and Gwen has to remind herself that Ben wouldn't do something like that to convince herself to give Michelle a chance.  
It's unclear why Michelle finds what Gwen says funny, why it makes Gwen "crazy," or why this makes Michelle like Gwen.  In the original, Michelle is shown to be as lost and alone as Gwen, so it's natural to her to like the person who reaches out to her, on Gwen's own accord, and offers to show her around.  In the Reboot, Gwen has been conscripted by the principle to interact with Michelle and show her around.  That can be a fine way to bring to people who will be friends together, but the story of the original is stronger.  
Having Ben's liberal parents protesting a new army base is a weak stereotype.  It is a stereotype as no reason is given for them not to want the base built.  
It makes no sense that Michelle, probably before she was 11, would be able to sneak out and go to a protest that turned violent given that when Gwen came near violence in this story, teenagers and adults treated her like a toddler.  
Gwen comes across as bad friend allowing Marci to pull Michelle away from her with putting up a fight to get her back even though she knows Marci is lying, and she is abandoning Michelle to Marci's lies and possible bullying.  Instead of doing anything to stop this, she just sits down and feels sorry for herself, thinking badly of other people, especially Ben.  Gwen isn't concerned with Michelle; she'd not watching the new girl make sure Macri's not making her feel uncomfortable or anything, instead just assuming that she would fall for Marci's corruptive influence.  
There is more overuse of italicized text in this chapter where it displays translated speech.  First, this visual clue that Gwen hears translated speech weakens the story, because in the original, where the speech was not emphasized, the reader is confused with Gwen as to what is happening, but because we already know or can guess that something is happening we're just waiting for Gwen to figure it out.  This distances the reader from the character's situation unnecessarily.  Second I am left wondering what would happen if Gwen was in her plumber suit, speaking to someone on the phone, in a different language, and emphasized what she was saying.  I assume the universe would implode, or explode, or both.
Marci's using the word cousin in place of boyfriend as a jab at Gwen's relationship with Ben would be good if it didn't require Gwen to understand french to be effective.  Marci has been established to be able to speak some french, but Gwen hasn't, so there is no way that Marci would know Gwen would understand her.  If Gwen couldn't understand what she said, then it would lose a lot of its punch.  It's a cause of the scene being written from the author's perspective instead of the character's.
"she was going to drive through a perfect little nose" Don't try to blame reflexes when there is clear intent on the part of the character.
Gwen anticipates that Michelle is going to leave her for Marci several times, and it's only after she refuses to several times that Gwen starts to trust her.  The foundation of their friendship is Gwen constantly mistrusting Michelle.
Every time Gwen nearly explodes on Marci, I'm just reminded of how much healthier she dealt with her anger in the original, channeling it into little pranks she pulled on Marci with her magic.  
"I kind of like the one I have - " Shadows59, you probably meant to say 'ones' here.
The previous chapters had Max leave and created a great deal of drama.  Erico even stated, "Grandpa is gone... They have nobody else they can turn to... They only have each other..."  Every indication in the story and the co-author indicate that Max is gone, and yet he just shows back up in the story like none of the drama of him leaving in the previous chapters occurred.  The original lacked that overly dramatic element, so when Gwen calls Max to find out why she can speak french, it makes sense they can just talk to him, whereas in the reboot, it doesn't.  There's no pay off for all that drama.
"Some part of her - most of her was sure it was Grandpa saying that something came up and she felt sick at the idea. She missed him. She'd been missing him since he disappeared and how could he? None of the eight weeks made that bit any smaller..."   Shadows59, you should consider revising this section.  It isn't clear what is meant by 'Some part of her-'  Because that is unclear the 'None of the eight weeks made that bit any smaller...' part isn't clear either.  Additionally, the sections are separated, but they feel like they are part of the same thought and are referring to one another without clarification.  
"No!" "No!" Shadows, you either repeated the "No!" accidentally here, or the two knows don't need two sets quotation marks.  
"He was just Ben and hers and she wasn't going to share him, not even with Michelle..." This shows that Gwen has a very unhealthy attachment to Ben that goes far beyond romance and young love.
"He was just Ben and hers and she..." There should probably be commas after 'Ben' and 'hers' as they are separate statements.
The added content for Michelle doesn't add much to the story of their friendship.  Some might have found it sudden that the pair met in this chapter, and one chapter later, we're best friends, but that at least was marked with a time jump, so the development of their friendship could take a mundane pace normally in the skipped time.  Here their transition from strangers to best friends really does seem sudden, and there's no real reason why these two because so attached after just a few hours.  There's no real reason for their closeness save on Gwen's part because she notices that Michelle is somewhat like Ben, an unsettling fact given how obsessed she is with the boy.  
Ben and Gwen sound like old people talking about 'kids fashion these days.'
"she was so much faster and back on her feet before she even got any water on her skirt." It's physically impossible to pour water all over someone's head while their head is in your lap and not get wet.  
I'll just say there is a big difference between Gwen staring a little because Ben is shirtless and her ogling him while describing droplets of water running down his muscles.  One is appropriate for an eleven-year-old, and the other is not.  Once more, I just think these characters are older in Shadows59's mind, not that he's trying to be inappropriate.  
That ending is so cute, I love it.
-Erico
"...carries much more depth and heart because Michelle's first day and Gwen's first day back address it from Gwen's perspective." This sentence makes no sense.
You make it sound like Gwen is taking advantage of Michelle's uncertainty.  
It makes no sense for Gwen's classmates to ostracize her for doing things for the school staff; all students get called to do such things.  So unless the faculty is ostracizing the other students and only calling on Gwen for help, the students' opinion of her shouldn't be affected by that.  You are also showing just as well as I that Gwen has an unhealthy attachment to Ben when her focus is getting the day to get back to him.  An attachment that again, goes far beyond healthy romantic attachment.  
So what I hear from you is that Michelle is guarded because the concern she sees from people is usually because she is her father's daughter, and its more their concern for him, or his opinion of them, then it is for Michelle herself.  This isn't expressed in the story, and while it would be difficult to do so while locked in Gwen's perspective without creating awkward dialogue, it is still possible to express it.  For instance, by Michelle extending her father's gratitude instead of her own, or assuring people that she will tell her father what a good job they did.  
You talk about Gwen and Michelle like they are going through the friendship equivalent of love-at-first-sight.  This is a trope that is used, most commonly, by poor writers to establish romance first and justify it later, but real friendship, like real love, is slow to start.  The original had that at least in feeling; the reboot has chosen to forgo it instead.
(As always, please go leave Shadows59 a nice positive review he won’t delete.)
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