#definitely less body horror based tho

[technicallyaminecraftsimp]

Hmmmmm. Guys I gotta be honest all the mlp infections aus going around everywhere got me thinking. I might be trying to cook one up too,,,,,, uh oh

#at least I think the infection I had in mind is unique? #definitely less body horror based tho #or maybe that’s just my style #mmmmm. but I’m debating if I should post any of it #if I should hop onto the bandwagon n all #maybe if I solidify more things #if anyone rly does want to see it. lmk yknow #I’m trying to use the existence of that crystal pony effect the heart gives off #if that interests anyone idk #The Crab Speaks

[gay-disabled-characters-showdown]

LGBTQ+ Disabled Characters Showdown Round 1, Wave 5, Poll 15

A character being totally canon LGBTQ+ and disabled was not required to be in this competition. Please check qualifications and propaganda before asking why a character is included.

Check out the other polls in this wave and prior here.

Seven of Nine-Star Trek Voyager and Picard

Qualifications:

She is an ex-borg, and as such needs mechanical prosthetics to function and has PTSD from assimilation. She is canonically gay, and has dated several women in Star Trek Picard.

Propaganda:

She's a space ranger who is a lesbian!! What more could you want?

Submitted by @convenient-plot-device

Kuruto Ryuki-AI: The Somnium Files- Nirvana Initiative

Qualifications:

LGBTQ+: He is canonically bisexual (his romantic feelings for another male character are an important part of the plot, and he has a physical relationship with a different character who’s a woman). Disability: He experiences psychotic episodes as well as/possibly caused by PTSD. While I wouldn’t call it perfect rep, the game treats this with surprising empathy—the other characters are only ever gently concerned about him, which ultimately helps him into a place where he can start managing his symptoms. It’s possibly the only video game I’ve ever seen where a character discusses doing inpatient psychiatric care as a serious option that might save his life, not as a threat or a horror level.

CANONICALLY MLM!! Probably bi but they're very vague about whether he likes women. He definitely has a crush on his cringefail male mentor tho <3 And he canonically has hallucinations and dissociative episodes! Also he's missing an eye and uses a prosthetic eye instead, which feels less notable considering the same can be said for at least 3 other main characters in the games, but he's still disabled!!! I'd also argue he's heavily implied to have PTSD considering a lot of his issues come from trauma.

He is clearly Bisexual, based on both his unrequited love for "Mr. Date" (Kaname Date, who I have also submitted), and his attraction to multiple female characters, including the very difficult to categorize relationship he has with the female sentient A.I. "Tama" that is implanted in his Prosthetic left eyeball (referred to in-universe as an "AI-Ball"). Also, quoting directly from the personality section of his article on the wiki (Spoilers ahead for the game AI: THE SOMNIUM FILES - nirvanA Initiative): "Another of Ryuki's defining traits is his difficulties with mental health. Although generally calm and collected, he is shown to suffer some form of survivor's guilt and PTSD; although he tries to channel his grief into determination for his investigative work, he generally does not handle emotional stress well, and is prone to bouts of depression, obsession, deep self doubt, and self-blame. His struggles initially stemmed from the traumatic loss of his twin brother in a traffic accident in pursuit of a criminal, and his dislike of stopped clocks, and his hatred of criminals originates from the same event. Additionally, as his symptoms appear to worsen as a result of more traumatic events that occurred during the events of the original Half Body Killing investigations (specifically his feelings of guilt over the apparent death of Date and his exposure to [an extremely potent and long-lasting fictional psychoactive drug that was going to be used in a doomsday cult's terrorist plot]), he becomes prone to dissociation, memory lapses, hallucinations, derealization, and even mania. He also appears to be strangely susceptible to the videos tied to the HB-Case (though this was the case even before his exposure to [the fictional psychoactive drug]), as they seem to trigger his dissociative episodes and hallucinations that leave him questioning his sense of reality. All this, in combination with his struggle to accept forgiveness from other people, lead him to spiral easily, and give him the appearance of being self-destructive and even dangerous. However, deep down he is merely a vulnerable person who deeply struggles with guilt and self-worth, and seeks atonement for his mistakes, but doesn't believe he is deserving of it. With the support of others, he is ultimately able to find the will to pull himself out his depression and start to recover."

Propaganda:

(Qualifying answer is also my propaganda!)

He's just... so skrunkly... He's a silly guy with so many problems and relies on the support AI inside his prosthetic eyeball :) He fell in love with a guy and then that guy went missing because of him and he blamed himself for 6 years while his mental health slipped (and it was ALREADY bad before that so... yeah, it really sucks). He's going through it constantly, but he's still funny and loveable and just trying his best ;-;

(In addition to the propaganda below, I highly recommend that the reasoning for his qualification be included in some capacity for propaganda) Ryuki grew up both rich and highly educated until his parents were killed in a plane crash. He was living with his younger brother until his death in 2014 when he was hit by a truck and half of his body was utterly crushed. The only thing Ryuki has left of his deceased parents is a white Rolls Royce Phantom limousine, which he uses as his primary means of transportation. Ryuki always sits in the back seat, with Tama using the car camera to steer the vehicle remotely. As Tama is an AI, the car is technically classified as "self-driving".

Mod Note: this man is known to me as orange man.

#polls #poll #disabled characters #lgbtq characters #disability #lgbtq #lgbtq dcs round 1 #lgbtq dcs wave 5 #seven of nine #star trek voyager #star trek picard #star trek #kuruto ryuki #ai the somnium files #ai the somniun files nirvana initiative #id in alt text

[gswharang]

Hey everyone! I am Belle and as a heads up this is a queued post bc I live on like the opposite timezone of basically anyone in the US so this site is opening before dawn on fri for me and I have work. I'll try and hop on fri night, otherwise I'll get back to everyone on my sat! Anyway, I'm excited for this rp to open, I love surreal and horror. 🔥 My hobbies include writing gremlin bois and oscillating wildly between regular capitalization and lapslock. Also ToF/genshin (hmu if u play tho). This is Noh Harang, resident gremlin, morally ambiguous and in the trade of plots that verge on the wrong side of functional. Here is his about and profile page which has the more relevant of information, but I’ll drop some additional quick facts under the cut along with some attempted plot ideas! If you want to plot just like or dm + I have a discord on request if it’s easier to plot there (i usually prefer it A Lot, so if you want me to add you just drop your user in my ims and when i get online later i can add 6v6 ). 

if you want the full gist of why he is the way he is i’d rec reading his bio + checking his profile page, bc this is like: scenario, i'm trying my best, but my best is never good enough 😔 if not, ig you'll have to go by this image:

was born in ulsan, his dad died when he was pretty young and was largely raised by his mom w help from other family members. he is  ✨inspired ✨ by sharp objects (bc i Love it), only less murder-y, but his mom has FDIS (munchausen by proxy) and it influenced his emotional development a lot. 

moved to the island as a teen when his mom remarried, which meant there were new and exciting doctors to visit who weren’t suspicious of her yet. cowabunga, dude. spent a lot of time in his room drawing when he was ~sick~

he’s decently smart, and he did go onto uni for art, but then he got pissed at someone else and sabotaged their assignment by breaking into somewhere he shouldn’t have been and prob broke like 4 school rules in the process and was kicked out his second year. so he never finished. good life choices? check. clearly.

he is vindictive and revenge-driven and will act immediately on those feelings without considering the consequences on getting caught. harang in the moment is always like: i will definitely not get caught. and the narrator is like: that bitch did, in fact, get caught.

is he a good person? no. does he try to better himself every day? also no. memes aside, he does have good qualities but he’s def not sugar and spice and everything nice. if you enjoy complicated, emotionally wrought, and sometimes dark plots 👀 👀 👀 pls come to me, that is what i’m weak and design my chars for.

he’s a webtoon creator/artist. he’s into horror, esp supernatural/paranormal horror. his webtoon is similar in storyline/vibe to something like stagtown? but his art style is different. he takes inspo from junji ito of course. likes consuming horror media/projects as well.

obsessed with herbal tea, has So Many flavors in his apt. 

really into vinyl, though he usually collects based on cover artwork first and music second. likes playing atmospheric music when he’s making art.

he smokes, his favorite is cherry tobacco. they’re bad for his body but he’s pretty sure his body was basically destroyed in his youth so what does it matter anymore anyway?

he has a weird vibe but he’s good at covering it. will default to auto-mirroring people’s gestures and personalities around him without super realizing he’s doing it. if you spend enough time around him though it fades, it’s mostly done for people he doesn’t interact w regularly. 

he has long hair, and yes, that is a personality trait

he’s not always the nicest person but he’s also not mean for the sake of being mean. it can take him a while to emotionally connect to people. he doesn’t frequently get into romantic relationship because of it, def finds casual to be easier. his sense of love and how it should be expressed is ✨very off ✨

can turn himself into a victim in 4 minutes flat (i_got_it_from_my_mama.mp3)

he hates doctors, not in a take it personally sense, more just going to the doctors and being treated sense. will avoid going to the hospital At All Costs. 

can be manipulative, and isn’t always the most empathetic person (in this house we support morally grey chars 👏 )

plot ideas -- tbh i often prefer to like talk apps and come up with something organically, but here are a few ~general ideas~ that might be nice to have, and a few that could be starting off points if we’re really stuck.

an ex that was messily resolved and there's some baggage there is always fun. would love if it imploded due to reasons on both their ends rather than like one person being the Saint and the other being a Villain. I want mutually assured destruction and angst tyvm.

conversationalists. they live in the same area and keep running into each other, harang takes frequent smoke breaks outside for instance. but the strange part of it is there’s no real set schedule, and they just keep running into each other even though they're leaving at drastically different times every day. could be fun if they know some deeper pieces of each other’s life without knowing the like basics of each others personalities (like an inverse of basic friends, unbasic not-friends, if you will)

a bff? like we really click together and even though you make bad life choices and are lvl 500 dumb sometimes i’ll still help you with whatever mess you invite upon yourself. can go both ways, of course.

me, sweating and running out of plot ideas i’m brainstorming on the spot, someone who’s into harang’s webtoon. ofc it would need to be ✨developed ✨ so it could be interesting, but yes. OR his anti!!! OR a mix and they're obsessively into it to the point of being creepy. a creepy stan stalking a creepy artist, creep² if you will

i Am a fan of antagonistic plots, i think they’re really fun, esp when both chars are kind of catty about it and it’s not just one being the ~evil~ one, tho i don’t have any ideas on how to get there but if someone really wants one and to figure out a reason why i’m down!!!!

okay i think that’s it i’m out of ideas, but i’m v excited to plot and write so pls don’t hesitate to let me know if you like something or have another idea or wanna create something organically 👀

#nhr / queued #gsw:intro

[vanshookie]

JJK Men and their 🍃 dealer

Characters: Gojo, Getou, Nanami, Shoko, Toji, Choso, Sukuna and Naoya

Word Count: 1910 words

Content/Warnings: smoking mary jane, suggestive, mostly joke 

a/n: vaped too much so I thought I would write some cheeky 420 head cannons

Gojo Satoru 

Used to buy your weed, but now is just your friend who mooches 

He brings snacks and movies tho!! 

He really likes candy normally but gets overstimulated when high so he only really brings the candy for you

but then it works as back up candy when he’s more sober.

Definitely talks too much 

To the point where his voice becomes low and gravelly  

So you give him a pass for being annoying, cause at least he sounds hot when doing it 

Definitely is the plug for his friends for a long time, partly cause he’s a troll so he hikes up the price (stonks) and he doesn’t want them to meet you.

He can’t handle not being your favourite 

Eventually Getou out smarts him tho cause he doesn’t trust Gojo’s measurements 

Gojo started visiting more cause of this 

No being too friendly to his cute plug 

The day his students grow up and eventually buy from you is the day he squares up

it quickly becomes high movie marathons with everyone tho

You're just happy cause you barely need to pay rent now, you have a dedicated consumer base right there

He would be horny high if he actually kept any braincells when smoking 

He tried many times to make a move on you

but every time you start brushing his hair with your fingers, he melts and is paralysed 

Jumping to anime timeline 

He visits less cause his paranoia really shoots up here 

So he feels he can’t let his guard down 

And he doesn’t wanna drag you into anything if he were to be followed

But if you come to his place

or even better you were also a sorcerer

He would feel less on edge 

Your safety is his priority 

Now that he’s older, this is where he can actually use his horny high 

He just feels so lonely that he needs the touch, and it helps more than his normal womaniser ways, cause he feels the connection with you

Thus he is also very romantic and soft 

He will act no further than this unless you work to build the relationship 

The power is in your high ass hands 

Getou Suguru

150% stoner 

always was, always will be

so he is your top client 

Gojo might always try to be around but he’s always not buying, Getou however always does and pays in full, sometimes more 

Not to say he’s efficient about it, he’s also over all the time too now

So its just you trapped between the two watching movies 

They try to act like they wanna watch horror, but they prefer romcoms tbh 

His tolerance is so high so he has much respect for you supplying everyone and feels the need to pay it forward 

Weirdly it still doesn’t feel transactional tho, he would make ways to create a day out or even be really domestic like getting groceries and making dinner

He is defo high the whole time tho, for him its like cigarettes to shoko 

But not that you notice, no one really could tell the difference between high or sober Getou 

Every time you think maybe you’ve just always been dating? When did you stumble into a 4 year relationship?

Until he sends in that money and leaves with a tap to your butt/hip/thigh

Its hard not to be heart broken 

He however knows what he’s doing 

Not that he likes it 

at all

He smokes to help with his depression, it quells his thoughts

So he keeps a weird boundary as he feels you deserve much better

he really cares about you

Still smokes after betrayal 

He also cuts down visits cause this tho

but buys a shit tonne when he is there 

And when he’s there he just feels like a husband 

Treats you very well 

If you aren’t a sorcerer, then you’d be the only one he respects, no calling the plug a monkey 

His assistant supplies the money the day before, so you always know when he’s coming 

Spoiler!! Even kenjaku is still stuck getting weed, the body he has chosen it cannot function without it 

You don’t get to see him anymore though, it was replaced by the patch face guy but quickly the girls he used to raise would be around a lot but sometimes disappear to deliver to imposter getou

The hasaba twins honestly get adopted by you 

Kenjaku could not give less of a shit 

But Getou is so grateful they are with you, even from beyond

Nanami Kento

super rare 

He only really smoke for chronic pain 

You just know mans has hurt his back and neck in his lifetime 

definitely sued for workplace injury 

So you help with his unofficial pain management treatment 

He always bring a pastry with him :))

Another barely noticeable smoker

You can only really catch him if you do something sweet for him 

Like make him cute edibles! 

He’s so touched that he will let out a laugh 

It melts your heart

absolutely would not let the students smoke until being of age

Doesn’t try to scare them from weed

Mans thinks cannabis propaganda is the worst 

But still wants them to wait till there minds are more developed 

Is the best tactic cause they agree and also don’t wanna let him down :,)

Never around when Gojo is there

Gojo must never know Nanami smokes 

Low-key Gojo is the reason why he is so passionate about the students 

Saw Gojo become the dumbass that he is from smoking with Getou in senior high :///

But also highly thinks Gojo was always destined for being childish 

Will eventually start bring you a cute plant or flowers cause he likes how excited you get 

Shoko Ieiri

I reckon her cigarettes are defo mixed, she is not just smoking tobacco all the time sheesh 

Lowkey she actually helps you grow

So her pay for helping sm is legit just some of the green 

Best business partner 

Really is attached to you 

She will reverse curse technique you all the time 

She doesn’t want you getting hurt!!

Will always check on your lungs cause of that too

definitely kicks out Gojo 

Everything she says is low-key flirting 

She can’t help it 

Sometimes will bring Utahime and have a girls night! 

Helps Utahime destress a bunch 

Toji Fushiguro

THIS MAN

THIS THIS THIS 

THIS TIKTOK!!!

absolutely your dilf client 

Is incredibly sweet in that older gentlemen kind of way

Will call you only nicknames, you start to think he doesn’t know your name until he tell you off for not getting enough sleep and calls you by your full name (dad mode sheesh)

Will gush about his kids 

Even when he’s left them 

It’s really the only place he lets himself talk about them

It doesn’t help ur dilf radar

He will absolutely help you with house stuff as a tip

Car needs oil? Plumbing need fixing? You wanna set up a on-wall spice rack?

He got you! And will take off his jacket that exposes his way too tight shirt!!

Suddenly you have a lot of house maintenance 

It makes it incredibly cute tho! Dream house done

Lowkey hopes that you will see his kid in the future 

He knows that he’s definitely lost a bunch of his life span after losing his wife 

also lowkey knows it won’t be natural death

A reason why he’s very distant from you tho

He cares from afar

You don’t charge him as much 

But he somehow pays over, saying something like he’s got enough and doesn’t need it 

definitely only ever comes on his motorcycle, mans defo does not use his car if he even has one 

Means that he sees ur car as his tho 

He’s fixed it up sm might as well be

Left his jacket behind often

When he stops coming around of nowhere, you don’t clean out his cigarettes butts as well as always replace the cologne he left once and keep the jacket wrapped around the driver seat 

You also always keep the zippo lighter he left

Its death penalty if any tries to take it 

After a while you get what has happened, probably the only person left who cares and mourns 

Choso

he gives always high but actually pretty sober

Doesn’t smoke rly 

But does like edible teas

Keeps him mellow 

Perhaps starts smoking after his brother’s pass tho

He mourns extremely deeply 

It helps him not have panic attacks about it 

He often talked to you about them 

Wishes you could have met them 

When he adopts Yuji, he always brings him

Lectures him about it tho

Lets Yuji bring a console 

So its often all three of you versing in Mario kart 

Doesn’t let Yuji make fun of your character choice

Absolutely roasts and destroys Yuji for his character choice tho 

Is a king boo main 

definitely lays on you when playing games 

Tends to rub your legs then too 

Is very oblivious to flirting 

Thinks you are just super kind 

Would marry u on the spot tho

especially when you make a hella good tea that helps him sleep so quick

Heals his insomniac heart 

Ryomen Sukuna 

never sober 

NEVER

Will not be caught lacking like that 

The world would not exist if he was sober, the destruction he would bring

Loves just always chilling with his pipe 

In the golden age 

He was kinda respectful ig 

He hated the process of finding a new dealer so kept you around and treated you equally 

Didn’t know he did that 

He was just a sorcerer, people dubbed him king of curses before being a curse

You didn’t see much point in fearing him 

It helped him decide you as a dealer

He did not like anything complicated and legit just wants a stable supply

so Its not his fault (yes it absolutely is) when he developed deeper feelings shush 

You unbothered 

Sukuna very bothered 

Would question why you are different from all he other people he sees as below him

and that did infuriate him when the answer was not good enough

So mass havoc before hoes 

Starts sending Uraume in his stead

Sometimes it would still be him 

And you would not be able to spot a single difference, he seems the same as before

He is never generous, but never stingy 

another thing he respects is

you aren’t unaware of the drama about him

but you also never react differently 

Not surprised at all when 2 arms become 4 and one face becomes two

That only makes his stupid heart beat more sometimes 

you aren’t running from the hills? not that he’s self conscious, he knows he’s hot

he’s just ahead of his time

people only run screaming from jealously, not cause of his murderer tendencies

When he is exorcised, the village also hunts you down 

See’s you as complacent so you are killed off 

Thus, reincarnation in the current era 

He recognises you instantly 

But he has yet to see some reincarnate perfectly like that so he’s quietly side eyeing

Can’t help to question if it was fate 

Only human he’s nice to 

Will try and do subtle things to test if you remember, or even just see if personality lines up

Cause it definitely feels exactly like your soul

Weirds him out

everyone else is weirded out for entirely different reasons

you weren’t apart of his localised story so

no clue why you are oh sis special to silence the Ryomen Sukuna  

Makes Yuji suss of you until he makes you his bestie for making the nasty shut up

Your backstory is absolutely untraceable to anyone 

So who knows if the villagers even were successfully in killing you, or maybe your curse technique allows you to bend time or maybe there’s absolutely nothing going on up there in that noggin of yours

Either way he’s intrigued

Naoya Zenin

the worst

Just don’t 

Interaction with him is terrible = if he does smoke, let his maids deal with that for him

Not worth it 

#jujustu kaisen #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jujustu kaisen headcanons #jjk #jjk x reader #jjk x you #gojo satoru #gojou satoru x reader #getou suguru #getou suguru x reader #nanami kento #nanami x y/n #shoko ieiri #toji fushiguro #choso #choso headcanons #sukuna #ryomen sukuna #naoya zenin

[sondepoch]

HC: MC is more flexible than them!

Perfection is certain. Perfection is solid. Perfection is the body of a demon or an angel, where there is no room (or need) for bones to crack and muscles to stretch. You and Solomon, though? You’re human. Not so “perfect” when compared to the other inhabitants of at RAD—but that just makes it all the more interesting when they finally see the way the human body can crack and bend

Word Count: 5.5k

SFW + mild descriptions of cracking body parts

Characters: All brothers + All Undateables + Luke

MASTERLIST

Lucifer

Instant panic mode

Man just learned that it’s possible for humans to break bones, so when he hears you casually crack your knuckles, he instantly assumes that all your fingers are broken

Finds it even more terrifying when you lean your head back and crack your neck 

Honestly, the look of sheer horror on his face would be terrifying if you didn’t find it so funny

Is actually super confused when he realizes that you’re 100% fine but will not lower himself to actually asking you about it. That is not the Lucifer way, and so this man instead decides to secretly binge Satan’s collection of human anatomy instead

But uh, he gets scarily into it

Seriously, you’re starting to get concerned when it’s been nearly two full weeks of Lucifer ignoring you to bury his nose in a book, eyebrows furrowing every goddamn time he finishes one, and still has no clue what that cracking sound is 

It’s only when you casually do it at the dinner table and Asmo cringes, complaining about how weird it is that humans get pockets of gas inside certain joints and they actually have to crack it out, to which all his brothers nod their head and cringe when you do it again, that he understands what it is

Has never been more relieved

He isn’t as disturbed by the sound as he was before, so it’s not as fun to tease him with it - but you can count on the fact that if you ever crack anything in his presence, he will pause whatever he’s doing to study you for a moment and make sure your face isn’t contorted in pain or anything

After all, he needs to be completely certain that you haven’t broken a bone

But someone help this man when he realizes how much more flexible humans are compared to demons

The first time you do a backbend in front of him, he actually flinches

Man can’t help but imagine himself in those poses - and no matter how sexy you look when you’re winking at him and stretching your body like it’s glue, his bones would have to be shattered to bits for him to do the same

Quietly asks you not to stretch yourself into such positions in his presence

On the bright side, you can shut him up in the middle of any lecture by “casually” stretching your arms back until the demon is so disturbed that he stops in the middle of his sentence and asks you to leave as soon as possible

All in all, not a big fan - but he can tolerate your antics (if only to save face)

But if you ever show him videos (or even pictures) of a contortionist, he may actually be scarred for the rest of his almost-eternal life

Mammon

Man really needs to learn how to knock

He barges into your room without warning, as usual, only to see you all but straddling the ground, legs spread wide apart as you lean to one side and touch your right toe

It’s the most basic human stretch there is - but it’s terrifying to Mammon

You don’t even get the chance to say hi to him before he’s lifted you onto your feet, pulling you up from under your arms, desperately asking why you weren’t screaming for help 

Cannot process the fact that you were actually in that position willingly, much less the notion that it felt remotely good

Of course, you respond to his obvious aversion by showing him all the other ways your body can bend, flopping onto your bed and bending your body into a perfect bridge position

Mammon’s screeches when he sees the arch your back makes

It lowkey gives him nightmares the next night

Also becomes very touchy after he sees you move your body around so comfortably

In his eyes, you’re now the equivalent of a giant teddy bear - and really, what are the differences, now? He uses you for cuddles and hugs, can seemingly bend your body in any way and you’ll bounce back, and your skin is so soft compared to the hardness of his own body

Man actually grows used to your body after a while, holding a strange fascination for the way you can move

Begins to think that it’s cool when you show him how you can crack your knuckles and such

Absolutely makes use of the fact that some of his other brothers hate the sound, casually walking up to them with you by his side and asking them (while you crack your knuckles) to forgive his debts

Works 90% of the time

The 10% when it doesn’t work, though, he gets into trouble

In his free time, though, he actually likes lying with you and trying to figure what other body parts you can crack

Courtesy of Mammon, you learn that you can crack your hip if you stretch at a certain angle

(Bonus:) He one day tries to stretch his body the way you stretch yours and does a basic hamstring stretch on the ground, trying to touch his toes, but the exertion is too much for his inflexible body and he sort of locks a joint, so he’s left on the floor for nearly half an hour until you find him in his room and help him out of it

(Bonus bonus:) After his trauma from the above incident, he immediately goes back to assuming that you’re in great pain every time he sees you do a particularly difficult stretch and instantly lifts your body out of the position, no matter how you protest and say that you’re fine

Leviathan

"What a normie”

That’s the only reaction you get when you crack your knuckles in front of him, eager to see what he’ll do after realizing how much it disturbs his other brothers

Needless to say, you’re disappointed by his utter nonchalance

But that’s only because you have no clue what happens to Levi when he runs to his room and closes his door, jumping into his bathtub with a shook expression on his face

“Oh my god!” He squeals. “iT wAs LiKE iN tHe aNImES”

Nah, fr tho

Man has seen more than enough human-world shows which feature characters cracking their knuckles before getting down to work, so he’s pretty familiar with the concept

Like many things in anime, he was only 60% sure that it was real

But you actually did it

And it was in real life

Man is practically fanboying over a perfectly normal phenomenon

While you’re sitting in the living room, thinking that he was utterly unfazed by it :(

But when the two of you have a whole year to spend together under the same roof, it’s honestly inevitable that the truth comes out

“You like it?” You ask, pure confusion settling over your faces. After all, he’s the first of the brothers to not be utterly horrified by your little habit

“N-no!” Levi shouts, hiding his face. “I mean, maybe...just a little...sort of...but not in the normie way!”

Boi is too cute for his own good

Of course, you humor him and proceed to crack every single joint you can think of, sending a wink Levi’s way 

It would be so easy to tease him, wouldn’t it? To mess with him and call him strange, to compare to his brothers and remind him that you’re not an anime character - and that anime is, in fact, based on humans, so it shouldn’t have come as a surprise that humans could crack their knuckles the way he’s seen online

But, he’s too precious. And too cute. And he’s too adorable, staring at you with that utterly captivated expression, so you can’t help but humor him again, asking if he wants to see some of the other differences between humans and demons

And when you show him how you can bend your body, man is shook all over again

He 100% thought that the absurd stretches (like a split? how preposterous) were merely fabrications of animation - flourishes added in by animators to make the visuals more interesting

But seeing you move like that? And when you show him the other stuff?

Congratulations. Boi is officially convinced that humans are more interesting that anime can ever be.

Satan

One of the few demons who was already familiar with the fact that humans are ridiculously flexible and can crack nearly everything in their body 

He was actually the one to approach you about it

“Stretch for me, human.”

Or well, the same thing but in less blunt words

Actually invites you to have tea with him where he first broaches the subject, confirming that you'll be fully comfortable with everything he wants to study

Lmao man really arranges to have a safe word in case he pushes you too far

Once you’ve agreed to letting him study how the human body can bend and crack, the two of you set a time and meet up in his room (and yes, he does clear his books out of the way to make room for you)

And so the stretching begins

It actually feels quite awkward at first with Satan showing you pictures from human world yoga books and asking you to mimic them, taking notes in a book on everything 

Gets really excited when he realizes that your flexibility is a function of how often you stretch, and once he realizes that you’re able to go a little farther each day, he becomes lowkey obsessed with finding out whether there's a limit or not

Boi may or may not secretly try to stretch in his own room in case demons are just naturally less flexible and need to stretch regularly to become like humans

Also almost breaks his arm attempting that, so he never tries it again

The whole ordeal fits itself into your routine after long enough: after school, you go to Satan’s room and do yoga while he jots down notes on how your body moves, and after everything is done the two of you have tea

Satan never touches you while you’re stretching for fear that he’ll physically push you into something uncomfortable, but when you explain that certain positions are easier to hold if someone helps, he’ll definitely try to be a helping hand

He starts out really tentatively, hesitant that he’ll be too strong and will push you to the floor or something, but he’s pleasantly surprised to find that humans are more resilient than he’d initially thought

After his notebook is filled with notes and he’s suitably convinced that all his questions are sated, he’ll express his gratitude and tell you that you don’t need to continue 

But if you tell him that you’ve been enjoying your time together, man will 100% clear that space in his room permanently, so that you can spend time there together while Satan asks you calming questions about your day and you stretch the tension of the day out of your muscles

Asmodeus

Jelly boi

Nah but fr

Man couldn’t care less about your ability to crack your knuckles and neck - if anything, he finds the habit to be irritating

But boi is jealous when he sees how easily you can bend your body and stretch into positions that even he can’t

Obviously, his mind is in the gutter when he’s thinking about the way your body can bend - but he’s equally furious of the fact that human skin is so much softer than demon skin

Like, yes. Most demons have near-perfect skin because of its taut texture - and yes, that gives them the illusion of perfection

But human skin, blemished as it is, is like a teddy bear next to a rock when compared to demon skin

And obviously Asmo’s skin is softer than everyone else’s (this man is NOT skimping out when it comes to his skincare routine), but it infuriates him that his skin isn’t as soft as yours 

Of course, man bounces back quicker than anyone else (as expected)

He grows content with the texture of his own skin the moment he realizes how easily penetrable human skin is - namely when he’s doing homework with you and he sees your skin get sliced open by paper, of all things (man nearly chokes when he learns that this is a regular occurrence for humans)

But he never quite loses his fixation for the human body

It’s highkey the reason why he likes touching you so much - your skin is softer than some Devildom blankets! If he could fall asleep with your arms wrapped around him every night, he absolutely would

But he won’t genuinely request that of you unless you explicitly offer, so he’ll settle for simply hugging you at every opportunity

Ofc, the moment he grows content with the texture of his skin, he’s jealous of your flexibility all over again, so it’s kind of nuts

You eventually have to sit him down and tell him all the downfalls of being able to bend yourself into awkward positions (ex: getting stuck in said position or causing a cramp) for him to finally be content with his own body once more

The moment he’s back to normal, all the usual flirtatious jokes come back and he’s offering to let you show him the ways your body can bend

You deny instantly

But if he ever takes you to a club and has the opportunity to dance with you, do a body roll

Man will get on his knees if that’s what it takes to have you do it again

And then he’ll whisk you off to his room, stubbornly ignoring his brother’s protests, declaring that he needs to “reeducate” himself in the art of dance, and that you’re going to be his teacher

And hey - give him a private show while you’re at it ;)

Beelzebub

The first time you crack your knuckles in front of him, he’s eating

Man doesn’t really register it, just assumes that he bit something crunchy 

The second time you do it, it’s in his and Belphie’s room - and Belphie is taking a nap

Man gets a little suspicious, because the sound definitely came from your end, but he dismisses it and decides that the sound must have been a hitch in Belphie’s breathing

But the third time, the two of you are alone

And Beel’s protective instincts come rushing to the surface when he realizes that you really are the one making that sound

“Are you dying?”

First question, no matter what. Man has heard of medical conditions that cause bones to become brittle and crumbly, so he needs to know

Then again, he won’t really believe you when you tell him the truth

“You can...crack stuff at will?”

beelisconfuzzled.exe 

You have to show him methodically, portion by portion, which of your body parts you can crack

He isn’t disturbed by the sound (he’s eaten things which sound much worse, he can assure you) but man is intrigued

(”But how?” He’ll inevitably ask, struggling to yank his own knuckles off in an attempt to crack them and get that feeling of satisfaction you kept talking about)

All in all,he has a decent reaction - probably one of the only people who won’t overreact about the information

But then the fateful day comes

And he cracks your back

It happens while he’s giving you a big bear hug, proud of you after you came running to tell him about a good grade you got in Devildom Literature - and he places his palm on your back in just the right area, pressing down as he hugs you

And pop

Man is so mortified, he almost drops you

You, on the other hand, cannot be more pleased with this development

“Again! Again!” You shout, trying to get him to repeat the action - but while Beel loves hugging you, cracking your back is something he’s not willing to risk

“It’s okay when you do it, because you know how much your back can take” is his biggest argument. "But I don't."

And unfortunately, calling him a chicken won’t work when you try to convince him otherwise :(

What will work, however, is convincing Beel that this can be a sort of strength training - because he needs to have full control of his body to do it right

He’ll agree to do it once (mainly because you’ve been begging for so long)

But, obviously, “once” means as many times as you want, from there on out ;)

Belphegor

It’s one of the few times where Belphie isn’t in tune with his brother

And he hates it

He doesn’t understand how Beel isn't disturbed by the sound - every time you crack your knuckles, it sends a shudder straight down Belphie’s spine

And it’s not the ick factor taking place. It’s just that Belphie can’t help that his mind wanders to darker places whenever you do something like that, the sound abruptly reminding him of his time in the Celestial War and all the awful things he heard there

Like others, the sound reminds him of how weak you really are

And so, if you ever crack your knuckles around him, expect him to leave instantly

He’s the one brother who will never learn to tolerate it - not when he can remove himself from the situation so easily

And honestly, it’s kind of amazing how sharp his ears are

Is he taking a nap on your lap? If you think you can subtly crack anything without his eyes shooting open, you’re wrong

Is he preparing dinner with you in the kitchen? Nope, the sound of boiling water will not cover the sound of your body stretching too far, and Belphie will shoot you a glare before swiftly exiting the room

Is he simply doing homework with you in the RAD library? You’d think that the sound of chatter from the table next to you would hide the noise you make when you subtly lean back to crack your back, but Belphie is gathering his things mere seconds later, huffing and muttering under his breath

So yeah

Not a fan

On the other hand, he loves how accommodating your body is in terms of how flexibly you are

It brings him great joy, honestly, to just watch you flop your arms around aimlessly because humans’ movements are so fluid, so smooth, so unhindered by the rigid joints of demons

And, obviously, your flexibility makes for better naps

He likes to sleep next to you with his arms wrapped around your waist while you latch onto him in whatever position you deem comfortable

Without a doubt, the position you find is something that would be wholly impossible for a demon (how are you bending your legs that much?!) and it sometimes scares him to realize the full extents of your flexibility (can all humans twist their arms like that, or is it just you?) but he loves that you use your body’s oddities to pull him closer

And he’ll never deny you a comfortable nap if you’re willing to cuddle so readily

Never

Unless you crack your knuckles, that is

Solomon

Life is war and cracking body parts is your only weapon

Aka nonstop competitions between you and our resident wizard boy, both of you cracking body parts back and forth until one of you either fails or runs out of things to crack

Knuckles? Come on, are you even trying? Give him something less basic

Back? Oh yeah. Both sides, too - and the loud ones

Hips? You didn’t think it was possible, but Solomon will look you in the eye and hit one side of his hip, the movement a prelude to an instant CRACK which rings out oh-so-gloriously from the other end

Ribs? You realized you could crack them once and never stopped - you’re actually the one to teach Solomon how to do this

Neck? Always the finisher. So loud, and so satisfying

Neither the House of Lamentation nor Purgatory Hall ever wants to have the two of you over at the same time, because the residents know that you and Solomon will have these competitions. And they absolutely hate it.

So what do you do?

Go to the library and disturb the demons there, of course

It actually becomes a pretty sick form of payback to all the annoying demons that look down on the two of you for being humans, because they always cringe so hard when you guys do this

The two of you have deduced that the sound of knuckles cracking is the demon equivalent to the sound of nails on a chalkboard

And you fucking run wild with it

No one wants to piss either of you off, because you’ll both glare at the demon in question and proceed to crack every body part known to mankind (like seriously - it’s reached the point where you guys can crack your TOES, and if that isn’t absolutely amazing, then you don’t know what is)

It actually highkey annoys the demons in your classes, because you guys always crack everything right before an exam and while it helps you focus better, it effectively ruins their concentration

Ofc you guys don’t really care so they can suck it

But uh

Okay so the demons at RAD may or may not get fed up of you both one day and petition for Diavolo to instate a “No cracking body parts” rule in school

So yeah your primary source of entertainment sort of disappears after that point

But no worries, you and Solomon head to the downtown shopping districts instead and become the BEST hagglers in town

“Hey, can we get these shirts on a discount? Huh? You don’t do discounts? 

*Aggressively cracks everything until the demon just wants them out of the store*

“How about now BICH?”

Simeon

You’re actually not the one to introduce Simeon to the idea of humans being able to crack their body parts at will

No, it’s Solomon who steals that pleasure from you

But will Simeon ever let the sorcerer know just how much it unnerves him? Absolutely not. So what does our beloved angel do?

Why, there’s only one option

Come running straight to you.

Man is disturbed. Honestly, disturbed is phrasing it lightly. If he were in his angel form, you’d be able to see how his feathers ruffle and flutter at the very thought of that sound

Needless to say, he hates it

(You 100% consider cracking your knuckles in front of him, just to tease him, but you decide against it)

See, Simeon is an angel. And that means 99% of the time, he’s surrounded by other holy spirits, all of which have bodies molded to perfection that simply cannot crack the way yours can. Whereas demons are forced into human interaction a little more (oft when they're summoned), Simeon really isn’t used your fragility, no matter how much he tries to remind himself of it

So yeah

He hates it

On the other hand - man loves how flexible humans are

The first time you flop down onto your bed, assuming a position that would be impossible for any demon or angel to take but is deemed “comfortable” by you, Simeon is enraptured

It’s not sexual, he just thinks it’s really amazing that you have so much control over your body when he can hardly do a standing glute stretch without breaking a limb

It’s almost funny, his fixation

Actually no - it’s not almost funny. It is wholly and completely hilarious, and you will not stop leading him further down this rabbit hole

When you send this man picture of an contortionist, he’s utterly mesmerized

Show him human ballet, and he will not stop watching it

So yeah

He appreciates parts of the human body, hates others - but as long as you never crack your muscles in front of him, he’s down

Also - after you’ve thoroughly interested him in the art of being a human, he may just write about it in his next book. If you read the next set of chronicles detailed by Christopher Peugeot, you already know who the “feisty but good-hearted human who can bend themselves into a pretzel” is based on

(Bonus: Do a body roll in front of him and he might faint - man knew the human body could but like that? You might just have corrupted an angel)

Luke

“So...cool...!”

Boi loves it

He cheers you on like a champ, laughing merrily as you crack your knuckles into oblivion, scaring away the other residents in Purgatory Hall

And no matter how many times Simeon warns him not to urge you on (”The human already has no sense of self-preservation, and you don’t need to help that along,” he said), Luke can’t help but watch with excited eyes as you show him how different the human body is

He’s almost like Levi with his ardent admiration, and he honestly finds nothing disturbing about the sound of you cracking knuckles

Just finds it cool

It actually serves as a catalyst for his relationship with Solomon, because Luke will 100% go up to him and ask him whether he can crack his body like you, and obviously, the man will laugh and prove that centuries of knowledge have made him better than the average human - even in this area

But yeah

You can really see his inner child come out

(Though don’t say that last part out loud - he’ll ignore you for three days in an attempt to be “mature” before you convince him to accept your apology)

But really - he may be the only person who can not only tolerate the quirks of your body, but openly endorses all of them

On the downside, though, he’ll also try to crack his knuckles...which won’t bode too well, given that his body was built to perfection by God

Boi almost rips his finger off

Simeon proceeds to instate a no-cracking-knuckles rule within Purgatory Hall to discourage any further attempts from Luke

But you know what he didn’t ban?

Backflips.

It doesn’t matter if you can or you can’t do them - Luke will happen to see a video of a human doing one (ahem, Solomon showed him it in an attempt to stir up trouble), and now he’s begging you to do the same thing in real life

Which doesn’t work out too well, given that backflips are hard

And you may not be successful 100% of the time

And obviously, Simeon eventually finds out that the two of you have moved onto a new fixation, and so he instate the no-backflips-in-Purgatory-Hall rule

But you know what he didn’t ban? 

Cartwheels.

And so it continues on and on, indefinitely because the only way to cease your and Luke’s shenanigans would be to ban humans in Purgatory Hall, and Solomon is thankfully preventing him from doing that

Barbatos

Hates it, hates it, hates it

More than any of the brothers, more than any of the angels - this man loathes every oddity of the human body that makes it different from a demon’s

But not for the reasons you’d expect

See, it’s not the sound that bothers Barbatos

No, he’s heard the screams of the damned before. You cracking a few measly knuckles hardly makes him flinch as he pours your tea

But what Barbatos does hate is the fact that he doesn’t know what it means

Every single time you crack a knuckle in his presence, it doesn’t matter if the prince himself is speaking, because Barbatos’s eyes will fly straight to you

And yes - you guessed it:

Barbatos can’t tell the difference between the sound of you cracking your knuckles and the sound of you breaking a bone.

And for that reason, he hates it

It’s hardly his fault - he doesn’t even know if there is a difference between the two sounds. But this butler has no faith in you and no faith in humanity as a whole, so every time you crack your knuckles, it sends a rush of worry straight to his stomach, and the demon has to watch you for a solid ten seconds to make sure that you haven’t actually hurt yourself

Poor man

He’s the kind of guy to take everything in stride, so he'll probably never tell you how much he hates it when you crack your knuckles (and honestly, what would he say? “Hi, can you please stop cracking your knuckles because I care about you and it makes me concerned for your health???” No, that’s not going to work. And he doesn't know what will work, so he suffers in silence)

Seeing you stretch is even worse

It can be a casual stretch, simply pulling your arms above your head just slightly beyond what would be physically possible for a normal demon, but it sends a chill to Barbatos’s heart, and he’s worried all over again

See, when you crack your knuckles, at least it’s over. But when you stretch? Sometimes you hold your position for a minute, if not more - and Barbatos simply can’t turn away because he’s terrified that he will, and you’ll somehow hurt yourself

So yeah

No rest for this butler, not as long as you’re going around with that weak body of yours and are cracking and stretching your way into oblivion

On the bright side, it means that he’s almost always watching over you when you visit, an added layer of protection 

The only difference is that while the others are focused on protecting you from other demons, Barbatos is preoccupied with making sure you don’t hurt yourself

Diavolo

Timing is everything

And indeed, you just happen to be in the midst of cracking your knuckles and neck the moment you’re transported to the Devildom, every single one of the most powerful demons in the land staring at you in horror as your body pops some more

"Oh no,” Diavolo whispers, frowning as he looks at Barbatos. “We got a defective human :(”

Nevermind the insult you feel at his words (who does this strange, unfairly-attractive redhead think he is, calling you “defective???” He might be correct in his judgement, but he had no right to voice his thoughts!), you are shook

Definitely not the best first impression for either of you to make

Of course, Lucifer is quick to pick things up with his explanation of what this place is and who he is, and the whole situation is mostly forgotten as you come to realize that you’re standing in front of a literal prince

But the past has a way of resurfacing

And obviously, several months later, you crack your knuckles once more in the presence of the demon lord

The immediate wince on his face is more than enough for you to read his mind

“You’re thinking I’m defective again, aren’t you?”

“YOU REMEMBER THAT?!”

Poor bby

He’s honestly such a brilliant ruler, but when it comes to maneuvering the minds of humans, it’s just not his strong suit

Anyway, the two of you have a long talk (aka you rant and Diavolo listens) where you explain to him that cracking knuckles is a normal phenomenon, and that - look, you can even crack other parts of your body

And the prince is fascinated

He knew humans were built differently than demons, but he’d simply assumed that your body was just as perfect as his, and that yours could simply handle less extreme conditions

Clearly, though, that wasn’t the case

Man decides that, as the ruler of hell and the man spearheading efforts to unite the three realms, it is his moral obligation to learn about the other ways humans differ from demons

And so the shenanigans begin

It’s honestly time-consuming, but Lucifer doesn’t mind because if you’re with Diavolo, you’re out of trouble, and Barbatos doesn’t mind because if Diavolo’s with you, then he’s out of trouble

All in all, it becomes the prelude to a LOT of time spent together, and a LOT of differences between demons and humans come to light. 

Aka various iterations of “What do you mean, humans can’t bite through steel?”

#obey me headcanons #gender neutral headcanons #obey me #obey me shall we date #shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me solomon #obey me simeon #obey me luke #obey me barbatos #obey me diavolo #gender neutral mc #fluff #my favorite to write was #Diavolo :D #Satan was a CLOSE second though!

[rotshop]

*slams into your inbox* I just read through mag reader and Deimos headcanons again and I love it. I would def be interested in seeing more! (Also are you sure you don’t wanna hold his hand? Even just a little?) -Echo

gonna do a funney little mix of ideas here ,,,,, lol ,,,,,,,, also yes i am sure <333 i go 'hey check out this funny fish' and then i hold his head underwater.

[ tw brief, light violence, body horror and gore / blood ]

context

auditor + mag s/o ;

-OK OK HEAR ME OUT .

-you weren't originally an aahw project. while they're definitely the biggest company of sorts around there's still a few others that are like them but not exactly them hanging around nevada. you happened to be in some facility they decided to raid due to them having some possibly useful information regarding the anti-aahw . she's definitely a little less than enthused to get a call from her agents that she should come check this out but ,, when she lays her eyes on u that immediately melts away

-he's VERY very curious about you. keeps you close which is kind of nice bc it means you're treated pretty well but also it means a lot of being watched. audi just has like. a habit of unconsciously ''''''''studying'''''''' you. they're always noting little behaviors of yours down mentally and asking you little questions abut how you came to be and what abilities you hold.

-believe it or not he actually DOESN'T want you in fights. she knows you're incredibly capable but the thought of you getting too involved in a bunch of clawing and tearing again makes her get uneasy. she just prefers for you to stay by her side, with the excuse that you're a body guard of sorts for her (you aren't, she's got several other, more disposable mags that serve that role just fine.).

-HOWEVER. there is one time where he doesn't get an option in that. a few contractees and dissenters attempted a raid on the base audi was at, hoping to try and get some sort of bargaining chip to make deal with. before they can even really attempt to try and land some sort of hit on them you're already pouncing on the nearest grunt, blood already spurting and painting the walls red in mere seconds of your arrival. it honest to god shocks her into stillness, her just watching motionlessly the entire time, only really moving once to dodge some limb you'd mindlessly thrown her way after tearing it from its socket. WHILE SHE IS IMPRESSED ,,, she still scolds you a little for being reckless while trying to scrub the blood off of you with a wet rag, huffing that 'you could've gotten seriously hurt' if you were any less careful >:/

-however he does do the thng where he like. cups both sides of your face and then presses his forehead against yours. you have to lean down a lot for him to do so but still. sighs a little while brushing his thumb under your eyes and tells you to be more careful from now on.

-auditor is not immune to favoritism and it shows. someone brings it up (shakily, of course) and she just shrugs and goes 'idk what you're talking abt' while petting you who's got your head on her lap. said person promptly gets 'dismissed' after.

-hates whenever anyone tries to put some kind of muzzle on you, even if its just for the jaw dislocation thingy it still makes him go kind of '>:|' . he'll let them for like. a day at MOST (unless you keep trying to get it off, then chances are he's just gonna take it off for you. nobody really bothers asking / trying to get it back on you bc he just sends them a sharp little glare before they even can. if you REALLY need it that bad then he might try and convince you to keep it on a little longer or otherwise take your mind of it, he still feels really bad about it tho . )

sanford + mag s/o ;

- :)

-you two knew each other before he dissented / you became a mag. worked pretty close together and were just close in general !! you didn't know dei super super well since he worked in a different area but you two met a few times and hit it off pretty well.

-anyway ! he doesn't take your magnification well. at all. the first few times he saw you after it were the worst, mostly because those few times were primarily because you were lashing out at agents for one reason or another (mostly maltreatment from guards / people being shitty in general) . for the first while its so obvious that you're just exhausted from what's happened to your body that was NOT meant to become this, that you're tired and on edge from not being allowed any real rest. it makes him feel fucking terrible to see how awful of a state you're in and know that there's next to nothing he can really do to help.

-it especially hits him when he notices the other little changes. there's some specific moment where he's holding onto you far too tightly, clutching at the back of your jacket while he does his best to keep composed. you always had this habit of giving a half jokey hum of some stupid little joke or even just a 'what's wrong, big guy?' whenever he seemed off or tense, he can't help but make note of the lack of real response from you in the moment other than you wrapping your arms around him as well. another time, maybe he tries to make some little inside joke after something reminded him of it, looking back at you with a little smile. it hits him with a special punch to the gut when he notices your confusion, you just can't recognize it. you don't remember it anymore. you don't remember a lot of your old self or interactions anymore.

-you two end up getting split up at one point or another. orginally, he'd planned to run away with you and deimos buut,,, one way or another, you weren't really able to get out. he goes looking for you a bunch but eventually he has to stop when it gets to be too much and he can't find any real sign of you, he's quiet for a long time after it.

-HOWEVER . he does eventually find you in some abandoned warehouse him and the others had planned to look for supplies in. the entire time he's in there he keeps hearing sounds he thinks are just dei or hank but every time he asks or comments on it they just give him a look of confusion or a little 'what are you talking about?' it puts him really on edge, it's worse when he's in one of the further corners, digging through a few boxes and desperately trying to ignore how much it feels like someones there. anyway umm lol its just you ,,,, ehe . it takes him a solid minute to process that its you but as soon as it clicks he's yelling your name and running up to hug you. doesn't even stop to think that you could totally tear him a new one right then and there he's just too happy to see you. dei and hank both come rushing over after hearing him, dei recognizes you too and is just kinda 'oh hey !! friend !! :D' while hank stands there and just kinda stares.

-is able to take you back to base without too much argument from the others. he does his best to fill you in on everything that's happened in hopes you'll explained what happened on your part too. even if you don't he can't be too upset since he's just too gd happy to see you again ,,,, chances are you stick around him a lot . deimos is nice but u don't remember him super well and hank makes you uneasy lmao . its ok he thinks its funny though, just laughs a little whenever you stand in his doorway in silence until he notices you :)

#rot writes #sanford x reader #auditor x reader #madcom x reader #madness combat x reader #madcom imagines #madness combat imagines #echo anon #oughghghgh sleepy .......... snsnsnsnsnsnns

[pr0cayne]

Hey everyone! So excited for this rp to open, I love surreal and paranormal. 🔥 I am Belle and my hobbies include writing gremlin bois and oscillating wildly between regular capitalization and lapslock. I also live on like the opposite timezone of basically anyone in the US so sorry if my replies come at weird times. I also work and am dramatic abt my energy levels so often I’ll either post on weekends or queue things (tho we’re out here w a 3 day weekend bc I have Monday off this week 😎)This is Noh Harang, resident gremlin, morally ambiguous and in the trade of plots that verge on the wrong side of functional. Here is his about and profile page which has the more relevant of information, but I’ll drop some additional quick facts under the cut along with some attempted plot ideas! If you want to plot just like or dm + I have a discord on request if it’s easier to plot there. 

if you want the full gist of why he is the way he is i’d rec reading his bio + checking his profile page, bc this is like: scenario, this is me trying my best, but my best is never good enough 😔 his apt details are:  B2, #08(?), West  🔥

was born in korea, his dad died when he was pretty young and was largely raised by his mom w help from other family members. he is  ✨inspired ✨ by sharp objects (bc i Love it), only less murder-y, but his mom has munchausen by proxy and it influenced his emotional development a lot. 

moved to [REDACTED] as a preteen when his mom remarried, which meant there were new and exciting doctors to visit who weren’t suspicious yet. cowabunga, dude. spent a lot of time in his room drawing when he was ~sick~

he’s decently smart, and he did go onto uni for art, but then he got pissed at someone else and sabotaged their assignment by breaking into somewhere he shouldn’t have been and prob broke like 4 school rules in the process and was kicked out his second year. so he never finished. good life choices? check. clearly.

he is vindictive and revenge-driven and will act immediately on those feelings without considering the consequences on getting caught. harang in the moment is always like: i will definitely not get caught. and the narrator is like: mmm idk about that bitch.

is he a good person? no. does he try to better himself every day? also no. memes aside, he does have good qualities but he’s def not sugar and spice and everything nice. if you enjoy complicated, emotionally wrought, and sometimes dark plots 👀 👀 👀 pls come to me, that is what i’m weak and design my chars for.

he’s a webtoon creator/artist. he’s into horror, esp supernatural/paranormal horror. his webtoon is similar in storyline/vibe to something like stagtown? but his art style is different. he takes inspo from junji ito of course

obsessed with herbal tea, has So Many flavors in his apt. 

really into vinyl, though he usually collects based on cover artwork first and music second. likes playing atmospheric music when he’s making art.

he smokes, his favorite is cherry tobacco. they’re bad for his body but he’s pretty sure his body was basically destroyed in his youth so what does it matter anymore anyway?

he has a weird vibe but he’s good at covering it. will default to auto-mirroring people’s gestures and personalities around him without super realizing he’s doing it. if you spend enough time around him though it fades, it’s mostly done for people he doesn’t interact w regularly. 

has a pet centipede. he’s so gross, why does he have one? he didn’t even buy it at a pet shop he just found it. i hate him for it. it doesn’t even have an official name, it changes depending on what harang feels like calling him ✨in the moment ✨

he’s not always the nicest person but he’s also not mean for the sake of being mean. it can take him a while to emotionally connect to people. he doesn’t frequently get into romantic relationship because of it, def finds casual to be easier. his sense of love and how it should be expressed is ✨very off ✨

he hates doctors, not in a take it personally sense, more just going to the doctors and being treated sense. will avoid going to the hospital At All Costs. 

can be manipulative, and isn’t always the most empathetic person (in this house we support morally grey chars 👏 )

plot ideas -- tbh i often prefer to like talk apps and come up with something organically, but here are a few ~general ideas~ that might be nice to have, and a few that could be starting off points if we’re really stuck. 

so i think it would be fun to have a plot that throws them both immediately in a relationship, but this relationship is falling apart and is kind of on its last leg? i’ve always wanted to do a dying relationship plot but it’s so hard to work through the whole thing from beginning to end so this is a solution perhaps?? they can still have like feelings if we want but clearly something is not working out and it is collapsing. the only kind of requirements i want here are A. it’s falling apart because for reasonings on both of their ends, i don’t really want it being one person is doing everything wrong and the other is doing everything right and it’s one muses fault and B. nobody super really younger than him. (we would also need to plot a lot probably to set up the ground work but if you’re up for it i think it could be really fun to write out 👀 )

if nobody takes the above just an ex that was messily resolved and has complicated vibes is fun too!!!

one fwb (if the above gets filled, it could’ve been something from his past, or even if it’s not filled it could still be from his past), purely physical with no overlapping emotions (at least on harang’s end, if u want it be more complicated Who Am I to say no), we meet bc we’re horny kind of vibes. i don’t care who you are kind of vibes. i don’t have you saved in my phone kind of vibes.

conversationalists. they keep meeting on the rooftop at the same time during smoke breaks. but the strange part of it is there’s no real set schedule, and the time that they go up to smoke often changes, sometimes drastically. could be fun if they know some deeper pieces of each other’s life without knowing the like basics of each others personalities (like an inverse of basic friends, unbasic not-friends, if you will)

a bff? like we really click together and even though you make bad life choices and are lvl 500 dumb sometimes i’ll still help you with whatever mess you invite upon yourself. can go both ways, of course. 

me, sweating and running out of plot ideas i’m brainstorming on the spot, someone who’s into harang’s webtoon. ofc it would need to be  ✨developed ✨ so it could be interesting, but yes. or his anti!!!

i Am a fan of antagonistic plots, i think they’re really fun, esp when both chars are kind of catty about it and it’s not just one being the ~evil~ one, tho i don’t have any ideas on how to get there but if someone really wants one and to figure out a reason why i’m down!!!!

if someone wants to kill his centipede they can, he will be v upset but it’s so gross and i had to look up aesthetic centipede pictures for his pinboard and i’m officially Done.

okay i think that’s it i’m out of ideas, but i’m v excited to plot and write so pls don’t hesitate to let me know if you like something or have another idea or wannna create something organically 👀

#ooc / intro #lmn:intro

[chronicalchaos]

Wick modern AU: Explained +Some fun facts

Uhm, i was gonna wait until i finish this AU's synopsis and new book cover, but both will be taking a while until they get ready...

And i wanted to post this "overview" for a while now, anyways, here's some fun facts and a summary of the story:

Old book cover:

I'm really proud of Sam's shading, but the twins look weird and Tom looks old...I won't use this cover, 'cus Travis and Duncan are main characters as well and i want to include them on the cover. +My art style changed!

Story summary:

Just a quick thing! I changed quite a few things to fit the narrative and the modern days setting, i hope you understand!

The story of this AU happens in September 2014, a little less than a month until Sam’s birthday, where the Weavers aren't dead– Well, most of them aren't...

The narrative is centered on a curse, that was based on the audio that plays when you pick up Benny's bible, where 7 people are affected by it: Tim, Tom, John, Sam, John's brother/Sam's dad(I won't name him), Mary and James.

Sam's, Travis' and Duncan's side of the story will be more on the investigative side maybe with a bit of comedy(I'm not good with writing that, so it will most likely be just investigation), while Tim and Tom's side will be the more angst and unusual/horror side. Sam will have a bit of horror as well, since he's linked with them by the curse, but the twins will definitely have the spotlight when it comes to horror/unusual stuff.

Fun Facts:

General:

The story happens a week, maybe a bit more, after summer break

Even tho one of the first chapters is set on school, them going to school will probably just be mentioned or implied, Example: Them leaving a school bus

For some reason, i saw a few stories where everyone knew what polio is and how it works, which i felt it wouldn't be realistic, so that won't happen here

It has a lot of paranormal stuff

The summer camp by the Weaver's property is closed and has been like that for a few years now

Just Mary and James call the twins Changelings, the rest of the city knows there are "changelings" walking around, just, not that the twins are them

There's no changelings, they think there is, but in reality it's just a curse(like that's something lighter than a demon switched with a child at birth)

The song that helps me get in the mood of this story when I'm writing is "Far too young to die" by Panic! At the disco

Timas Weaver:

Tim is 12, he'll be 13 in...approximately 3 months

He was born December 30th 2001 and is the oldest between him and Tom

He's almost an inch shorter than Tom

He has a huge burn scar! It goes from a bit more than half of his chest, both his arms, his palms and his whole neck, he got that scar when he was 3 years old

He's does not have asthma, but he does have extreme pyrophobia on it's place

He has flat affect, his face doesn't match his emotions/he looks serious most of the time(I'm so sorry if I don't portrait it right! Please give me constructive criticism if I do something wrong here!)

He's a theater kid and would be quoting a lot of musicals if Mary didn't isolate him and Tom from the world(The theater part only exists because of his and Tom's masks)

The whittling thing exists here, but like, it won't be of much importance to the story, the knife will! But not the whittle part

He despises spiders and it's Tom's fault!

He climbs trees (there's not much I can say here to be honest)

He has this...i don't know if you can call it a quirk, but, he tends to tilt his head to the left, it's kinda random

He's ambidextrous, was left handed, but Mary forced him to learn to use his right hand

He teached himself how to throw knifes...don't mess with him

Paranoia!

Needs therapy

Tomathy Weaver:

Tom is 12 and will be 13 in approximately 3 months

He was born December 30th 2001 and is the youngest between him and Tim

He's almost an inch taller than Tim

He doesn't have Polio now, he did when he was...around 5 years old

His left leg is bigger than his right one, his right feet reaches his left ankle

His left ankle is paralyzed, that's why he uses a leg brace

He's claustrophobic, he developed that on the same day Tim got his scar and pyrophobia

He won first place on a spelling bee before he got Polio and he used to spell when he got anxious, but after John's disappearence he started shuddering, shaking and cracking his joints instead, very similar to how he shudders on the game

He loves spiders!

He is really flexible, but, because of his polio, he can't play around with it anymore

He likes to draw

He has pretty bad scoliosis

Paranoia #2!

Socially awkward baby

Went to therapy when little, needs to go back

Caleb Weaver:

Caleb is 9 years old

He was born August 19th 2005

He's almost the same height as Timas

He was a year old when Tom had polio

He's actually James' kid, not John's

He won first place in 2014's(the year the story happens) county track meet

He dislikes Tim

Lillian Weaver:

Lillian is 5 years old

She was born February 28th 2009

She's a bit tall for her age

She's notorious for making little deals between her and her siblings, like helping them get away with something in exchange of something(getting her out of class during their recess, buying a new plushy, etc.)

She's a really curious and affectionate kid, loves hugs, kisses and especially being picked on someone's lap

She loves bunnies(even tho this isn't a surprise)

Benjamin Weaver:

Benjamin is 14 years old and will be 15 in less then a month

He was born October 24th 1999

He's just really tall compared to the twins (it's kinda funny, Tim and Tom are 4 years older than Caleb, but they are just an inch taller than him)

He's really religious and prays a lot for his siblings' health and safety

He's been trying to take care of Tom after John's disappearence, since Mary doesn't do it, much the opposite, she hides Tom's medicines on purpose

Mary Weaver:

I didn't give her neither an age nor a birthday...i probably need to do that

She had an affair with James, when the twins were 4 and Benny was 6, Caleb was born from this affair

She doesn't hit any of her kids, but she does neglect most of them

On the nights between Saturday and Sunday, she doesn't sleep, she spends this time praying with a candle, then, before they go to church, she writes everything that happened that night on her diary

She has a lot of diaries, she keeps them in the attic

She's a little bitch(i don't know what else to say about her)

Pastor James McAlroy:

James also doesn't have an age nor birthday (i only have the Weaver kids and Sam's birthdays)

He won't appear much, but he does have a big role on the story

He's Caleb's biological dad(i mentioned that like 3 times already)

He tried doing a "honest-to-god exorcism" on the twins, it was just a cover for an attempt of murder

He's a toxic little shit(there's not much I can say about him)

Samuel Burton:

Sam is 12 years old and will be 13 in less than a month

He was born in October 2nd 2001

Him and Travis are Brothers on their mom's part

He's cousin with the Weavers, minus Caleb, they just don't know each other

He can be just as smug as Travis sometimes

He absolutely hates going on ghost hunting, he thinks it's dumb

He has long hair and freckles all over his body

He's just too lazy to tie his own shoes

He's the only one that remembers to bring a backpack when ghost hunting

While Travis is the camera man, he's the flashlight guy

Travis Burton:

Travis is 15 years old and i don't have a birthday for him, well, he would be born in 1999 just like Benny

He doesn't like wearing glasses, but doesn't have other choice, he either doesn't take proper care of his lenses and gets his eyes irritated or he just lost them

He's the face of his and Duncan's channel

He tries to drag Sam to be part of the channel, but he doesn't really want to be part of it

He cusses way too much

He's brave, only because he goes face first into danger without thinking

Duncan:

Duncan is 15 and would also be born in 1999

Big ass coward, sends Travis and Sam to go investigate on his place every fucking time

Entitled as fuck

The "brain" behind his and Travis' channel

He's suspiciously good on researching, he'll find the most unexpected things about you

He's a little shit as well

...i think that's it! Now i can go continue the first chapter and maybe finish it soon

#wick (2015) #travis burton #wick hellbent games #tom weaver #tim weaver #caleb Weaver #lillian weaver #benny weaver #mary weaver #sam #duncan #wick #modern au #wick au

[caedogeist-rights]

Podcasts ranked by the amount of kissing/gross sounds in it (and also how romance-repulsed/aromantic-friendly it is), by me, your neighborhood aro and hater of Body Sounds. Spoilers ahead for every single podcast listed!

(also, this got long, so uh. see under the break for the full list.)

1. Time:Bombs: The Perfect Podcast, not a gross foley, kiss, or romance-heavy plot in sight. I’ve got nothing bad to say about it, im sorry. It’s perfect.

2. Northwest Footwear Database: It is beauty, it is grace, it has got no Weird Sounds (unless you count a banging song and in-depth discussions of shoes. which i do not). A weird fiction podcast, so not Perfect in the listening, but... still #2 for a reason.

3. RQG: it is a ttrpg podcast. theres very obviously no kissing foley here. Thank G-d, is all im saying. Also has a QPP with a PC, and i give every budding romance an aro thumbs up!

4. Wolf 359: I don’t remember any terrible sounds, there’s no explicit romance- overall, a Good One! 1/2 a point taken off for the mental image of freezer-burned doug.

5. Kaleidotrope: oh, if there ever was a good podcast! This podcast is also kinda obsessed with love, which is nice, but focuses on romantic love for 90% of it, which is less so. Oh kaleidotrope... you need some aros.

6. TSCOSI: I adore this podcast! this is a wonderful podcast with wonderful characters, and I enjoy the ace rep! However, the torture scene in the s1 finale was... less enjoyable. 1 minute of Terrible, but it counts. (we have entered one-strike-territory)

7. The College Tapes: I am filled with adoration, but also, the book and cult chanting is creepy and unnerving. Also, the sheer volume of romantic pining was... overwhelming. Didn’t hate it, but not The Aro Friendly Podcast of my dreams.

8. Mabel: I do not remember much of this podcast, except I enjoyed it and there was some foley that was uncomfortable. Overall, not bad, but... a romance-focused plot, no matter how much I love it, with uh. Weird Sounds.

9. Archive 81: behold, my favorite podcast! Why, you may ask- oh, it simply is the Weird Shit Aro Haven of my dreams! Not a kiss or romantic plot to be found (some of yall ship chris and lee, and i support you, but i never interpreted them as romantic, so It Doesn’t Count on this list). However. the heart-eating scene. the s2 surgery scene. the concept of half the characters? the definition of body horror. Gross! (we have entered into the couple-strikes territory)

10. Stellar Firma: much like a81, perfect except for just one thing, and in this case, its the foot kink shit. Please listen to stellar firma, but also. Hartro’s Foot Kink. I give it my aro sign of approval, though! (I have also only listened up to s2 finale, so uh. idk after that).

11. The Bright Sessions: there are xactly two reasons why this podcast is rated so low on this list. One, there’s quite a bit of romance in this podcast. I’m not against 80% of it, but like... Romance Exists. Two, Safehouse! I do not want or need to hear a man beaten half to death, no matter how much I hate him!

12. TMA: but, you might ask, why is TMA so low? It’s got not a kiss in sight, an a canon ace! Yes, I say, that all is true. It’s why TMA is in its special little category: As An Aro I’m Fine But What The Fuck Bro. An ace main character cannot erase the experience of listening to jon’s hand be burned while I was on a public bus, my Actual Physical Repulsion to michael’s voice, and also all the gore. It’s Gross, Bro! Edit for post e200: yeah.... i must admit the kiss was gross and the sound design really only got more disturbing, so its staying at #12, but... keep in mind that this podcast is simply quite terrible on the ears.

13. Junoverse (Penumbra Podcast): Didn’t mean to make these three popular podcasts the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th worst ones, but what can i say! these fuckers have foley. Junoverse is one of two podcasts in the special category Make Room For Jesus, and juno gets here primarily because of the downright ridiculous amount of making out in it, plus a Giant Subplot being romantic, and also the multiple scenes of torture/a character getting Hurt, Badly. However, not the worst, since while kissing is gross, I can deal. Torture/death/screaming/gore, however...

14. The AM Archives (including Order&Chaos): behold, the pride of the Make Room For Jesus category. I love this podcast/s more than life itself, but I also used transcripts for most of it, so I was able to actually get through it. But from what i could get from transcripts/listening to the finale/asking fellow listeners, its... well, #14 for a reason. And what I can say: this podcast has everything! Burgeoning romance thats, ngl, kinda uncomfortable to listen to! A Kiss (thank you, Order&Chaos, for giving me lovely poly content, but... Kiss Gross)! Copious amounts of screaming and torture! Emotional distress of many varieties (mine included)! Extended Death Scene! I’m sorry, i feel like doing tama a disservice by ranking it last, but unfortunately... it ain’t easy on the ears, and I’m incredibly glad I avoided a lot of it! (...i still did listen to owen’s death, tho. which. aaagh i’ll never be over that one, huh). I love you, TAMA and O&C, but you are hard as hell to listen to.

ty for reading to the end! please, i take aro-friendly podcast suggestions! again, this is based on memory and memory alone (tama excluded), so uh... whoops! if i forgot something important

#kye does rqg #kye does a81 #am archives spoilers #tama spoilers #order and chaos spoilers #tma #a81 spoilers #benny speaks #if this shows up in tags it shows up in tags im sorry but i Cannot Fix That

[cuddlecave]

is xiphoid

first: you *are* good

next: alright thingrey au

how bout an alternate 'the team finds out the shapeshifter is still alive, whoops!' but in an utterly disastrous way

it's been a while since antarctica! a long while, and gord and benr *meant* to tell the team about them ages ago, when benr became human shaped again, but there just never seemed to be a good time? and really, whats one more day, week, month...

anyway the team is utterly oblivious of benr, but being aware of gord, means that's they've noticed he's not been spending as much time with them! been spending, like, a lot of time at home, actually--or away from town. sometimes even avoiding them! they're worried, bc really, this is not the way to deal with trauma, gord! you don't pull away from your friends, you get help! just bc you can't see a therapist doesn't mean you shouldn't try to process it!

anyway, gords generally cagey about where he is, but on a rare team night where he had come to hang over...they very much on purpose get him drunk. now, drunk gord is still pretty fucking cagey (he loves his boyf and would never endanger him if possible), which is a shame, but tom is able to ask a question casually enough that gord doesn't think about it...and ends up telling them he goes out to the [insert desert area here] sometimes. when pressed on why he goes, he seems to realize he made a mistake, and bolts, cutting the night short.

now, credit to gord, him and benr don't go back to that particular desert area after that. but the team are damn smart, and figure that just bc he's not at that area anymore, doesn't mean he's not in *any* desert area anymore.

takes some trial and error--figuring out when gord seems to be out (he never answers his phone when he's out, his car is not at home), and then checking a desert area (didn't get anything but desert the first few times). but eventually...they find his car.

things paint...a worrying picture. there's camping/chilling gear in the car (chairs and a shitty tent, left from when gord tried camping several years ago and never bothered to remove from his car) but they're not set up and gords not there? the doors arent locked and the keys are in ignition? (gord doesn't want to drop his keys running from benr, he did that once and it sucked. also why he doesn't bring his phone! but he's out like 55 miles from the nearest town, who's gonna steal his car?) there's torn up foliage around, as if something big came through (benr may give gord a head start, but he still likes to be big enough to a) chase well, and b) nom gord after), and most worryingly--a set of human footprints in the sand, clearly running based on stride. and some strange larger footprint *next to them*.

their friend was ambushed by something big, and is going to get got. (this is not entirely untrue. not ambushed, but definitely going to get got, lol.) they set off quickly following the footprints.

meanwhile-gord and benr are having a *great* time! the exercise feels nice for both of them, it's a cloudy day so it's shady, they're gonna order pizza and play playstation after this--its gonna be a wonderful day. it already is!

gord, at this point, is beginning to tire out. benr is getting closer. he pushes himself a bit farther, to stretch out the chase just a touch longer, and makes a sharp turn around a rock formation, causing benr to briefly crash into it, giving him a few more steps. but he's tired, and well, benr has better stamina--and agility. benr bounds over the rock formation and uses it's height to gain just a bit of an extra boost, and tackle-hugs gord. they nearly crash into some sharp shrubs, but they're fine.

gord turns and looks up at benr and grins, and benr leans down to him, and gives him a long kiss. gord hums in contentment and relaxes. he's gonna get to doze, now, before driving. naptime, hell yeah.

benr picks him up to swallow him and he just remains basically limp, exhausted, letting benr manhandle him, gently maneuvering him into his jaws. he's swallowed with little fanfare, and happily settles in his tum, almost immediately starting to doze as benr starts to walk.

then he hears screaming, and benr sharply moves, and suddenly he's wide awake.

-

the team follow the tracks. it's a long walk, even moving at speed--gord must have really been booking it, which means hopefully he's still safe, got away some how. surely nothing would chase him for too long, when he was outrunning it this well. the trail goes on and on and on--its looking less like this thing gave up. and gords footsteps are shorter, he's not managing a hard run anymore. they're coming up on a rock formation--its still several hundred feet away. close enough to see a figure that can only be gord run from behind it, but far, far to far away to do anything about what happens next.

they see him turn sharply, and something big hits the rocks, clearly taken off guard. he makes it a few steps. and the team look on in absolute horror as what can only be the shapeshifter jumps off the top of the rocks, and tackles gord to the ground. they're partially obscured by the desert plants, but it's enough to see, even at this distance, the rippling body parts of the creature, pinning gord down.

the thing leans its head down toward gord, and they can't see what's happening with the plants and distance. and then.

it picks a completely unmoving gord up, and swallows him whole.

oh, god. it snapped his neck. it ate him. it's going to try to finish what it started in antarctica oh fuck does anyone have a flamethrower?!

a seeing it stand and start to leisurely walk in the direction they came from, they're finally broken from they're spell of silence and horror. somebody starts screaming angrily, and bubby has a lighter and big spray, making a makeshift flamethrower--and they run towards it in vengeance.

it notices them and sharply turns, booking it in the opposite direction.

(1/?)

continued under the read more!

(cont) oh fuck, thinks benr. this is not good. Not Good at all. gord frantically asks what's going on?! and goes cold when benr says 'ur friends saw us. and buby has fire.' the good thing is, benr is bigger and faster than humans. the bad thing is that he's been running all morning and now has over 200 pounds of boyf swaying in him, even if he's holding gord as tight as possible so he's not getting thrown everywhere. he's not gonna last long, and there's nowhere to hide. gord is furiously thinking. but he's also exhausted, and panicking. the thoughts in his brain are sticky like drying glue when he tries do something with them, and he can feel benr slowing. it's not by much, but his alien bf getting hurt *at all* is unacceptable, so. he decides to stop thinking and start doing. he tells benr to 'stop and let me out! as fast as you can!' and benr skids to a stop and turns half facing the approaching team, and splits his abdomen open and gord comes tumbling out into the light, getting immediately covered in dust and mud sticking to the saliva covering him. it's kinda gross, but at the moment it's not even registering, bc in those moments buby has nearly caught up. gord stands, pushes benr behind him, who let's himself be pushed purely out of surprise, and holds his hands out. 'its me! I'm fine it's ok it's me, please I can explain, just turn off the fire! it's ok!' but the thing is, as far as they're concerned...'you fucking imposter we saw gord die! get a better lie!' and buby is still running full tilt at them. gord has enough time to think, *aw fuck, this is gonna hurt*, before buby lights his makeshift flamethrower and gord is suddenly extremely hot, in pain, and knocked on his back. he can see the sky for a quick moment, before what can only be benr is standing over him, protecting him from further fire. a few limbs quickly use the dirt to put out the couple embers on his shirt (well, what's left of his shirt...) buby jerks back at the large being leaping in his direction, but it stops as it stands over the gord-imposter. which... is not moving. or writhing like the shapeshifter, or trying to split off from the damaged part. it's just...lying there. shallowly breathing as if in shock. buby gets a bit of a sinking feeling. - I got tired after writing this but basically benr tries to angle around enough to protect gord and also use teal green on him from another mouth. the team quickly figure out something is fucky, and that gord...might not be a Thing?? gord is in zero shape to have a real conversation--burns are serious business, and he basically passes out during teal-green. so why was the creature... protecting gord?? especially if it ate him?!?! there's an uneasy (extremely uneasy) truce, and benr carries gord back to the car, flamethrower pointed at them the whole way. they leave gords car and take them both back to toms place, in the car they drove in. it is supremely awkward. especially when gord wakes up for half a minute, kisses benr, and passes out again. not sure how it would go from there,, .... didn't mean to accidentally write a minific but here we are!! I really like the 'extreme misunderstanding vore' trope, lol.

ohhhh man this is like an angsty version of a regular not-a-game au idea i've thought up before o: thinking about what would happen next... the whole car ride home, benb was hitting gord with more healing (tho he gave the guys ample warning first about what he was doing so they wouldn't think he was attacking or something), and thanks to that, gord's burns are healed up to the point where he doesn't need hospitalization, just some burn cream and good rest to finish it off. (and a hair cut. benb is very sad that he couldn't repair gord's burned hair and beard. when gord's awake again he's just "Dude it'll grow back, don't worry." "i knooowwww but it still sucks. your hair was SO pretty. and you look like a sixteen-year-old without facial hair. kinda weird. babyfaceman." "WOW shut up."). when gord's awake and aware enough again, they all have a sit down and get an explanation from him and benb. benb goes on to basically give a summary of his whole backstory; explain what exactly he his and how he got to earth, and what he was trying to do both at the b'mesa base and that first norwegian base he first thawed out in. when he gets to the part about why he never wanted to hurt the sciteam, that does a pretty good job of warming them up to him. "the thing about that frzn guy is he was a total asshole. HUGE douche canoe. and i was like 'maaaan i don't wanna be this guy, he suuuuucks', but then i noticed that he'd hardly ever interacted with anybody else there. new guy on the base. nobody knew him, or knew what he was like. so i figured i could get away with acting like myself instead of him, and nobody would notice. i've never been able to just be me around other people, only when alone. i didn't really... know how it was gonna turn out. but you guys ended up liking me! you invited me to come hang out on breaks, and play video games, and watch movies, and talk about soda and photography and it was fun and nice and good! you were nice to my dog body, too. giving me a name and everything... you're all great cools. i got attached to you guys. like, super attached. didn't wanna hurt you, ever. 's the reason i never touched the sled dogs, too- i knew tommy would be sad if something happened to the dogs, and i didn't wanna make him sad." (bubs probably acts like he's not touched by that, but he is :B and also, like i've said in a post on my main, bubs feels some sympathy towards benb after hearing about his origins as an unethical science experiment. bubs wasn't grown in a lab in this au, but he was still subjected to some painful "knowledge tubes" experiments due to his contract with b'mesa. so he still knows that feel, bro. unwilling lab rat solidarity.) benb apologizes for everything in antarctica, and bubs apologizes for torching gord, but then the team asks what the fuck? happened in the desert?? and gord explains the "one-sided tag" game they do to help benb burn up energy, and that benb was just carrying gord to let him rest from the run on the way back to the car. ("Carrying you in his stomach, though?" "nah i don't put him where food goes. it's the uhhhh *lip smack* nap organ. custom made for sleeping in. bedry time.") (they also at one point explain "also we're dating" to which gord gets accused of being a monsterfucker ha ha. and then benb's like "ew no i'm ace" and harold goes on about how beautiful interracial young love is.)

#long post #bf tum is the warmest place to hide

[springday-aus]

Werewolf!AU with Chanyeol

moodboard link

Group: EXO 

Member: Park Chanyeol

Genre: fantasy, fluff, romance 

Type: Bulletpoint AU 

Word Count: 3k 

so the alpha is obviously Suho bc 

leader, duh 

Yifan and Minseok are co-betas 

and the exo boys all live together in a house in the woods

but this is more of a house they can go back to

they all live within the city/suburb

(depending on what they do)

Chanyeol lives in the city since he works part time at a music shop

he likes the hustle and bustle of the city

despite the pollution, crowdedness and rude people that are there

but when he found the whole in the wall music shop

he absolutely fell in love with it

the owner loves him btw

(Chanyeol brings in a lot of customers)

anyways

I don’t want to say werewolf!Chanyeol is just a giant puppy

but that’s exactly what he’s like

he needs to go on frequent runs in his wolf form

someone always needs to come with him because he rolls around a lot in mud

oftentimes, he has to stop himself from peeing on trees

Sehun: “dude, that’s been marked”

Chanyeol: “yeah… BY ME AHA SUCKER I OWN THE WOODS”

Sehun: “oh god”

Chanyeol is also super hyper

like he’s got more stamina and energy than the other boys

which is why he goes on the most runs

pent up energy is a scary thing

(so the exo boys have learned)

that also means he’s one of the best fighters of the pack

(Kyungsoo is a near second, but he’s really good when he’s angry)

but I mean fighting when necessary

so Chanyeol’s wolf form is………. huge

since he’s really tall, his wolf form literally towers over the others

he almost looks like the alpha

almost

this also gives him an advantage in fights bc intimidation usually works the fastest and results to the least amount of violence

anyways

so his fur is a light brown, mixed with white—there are some dark brown spots too, but you really have to squint to see it

you know how his ears are really big and stick out

best believe his ears are literally the same in his wolf form

they’re so big and fluffy and if his eyes don’t give away his emotions, his ears do too

his paws are also big

but that’s also bc his hands are big

Kyungsoo: “what did you eat as a child?”

Chanyeol: “jealous, shorty? no one can be as tall as—oW sTOP HITTING ME”

they can hit him all they want

bc by the end of the day, he, Sehun, and Yifan are the only ones who can reach the top of the cabinets

despite his tall stature and formidable fighting skills, this man is the clumsiest

he causes the most accidents in the exo house

in his apartment building

but he hasn’t had an accident in the shop

(not yet anyways—Jongdae and Baekhyun have a side bet going as to when that’s gonna happen)

it happens a lot in the city too

but it’s not his fault

he….. just has really long limbs and don’t know how to control them 100%

it’s fine tho because he was able to meet you through because of his clumsiness

okay so mates are a thing for supernatural creatures

including werewolves

while some mates are wolves too

others are human……………

……… like you

so Chanyeol was on the street, walking back to his city apartment

he was with some of the other guys (Baekhyun and Jongdae)

and then he smells something

something sweet

and alluring

so he follows it

in fact, he runs after it down the street

(with the others chasing him)

he’s running past all these people and he’s getting closer and closer

that’s when he runs into you

and I don’t mean the cute kind of running into you

I mean this man full on tackles you

obviously, it’s by accident but

it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt less

while you were curious to what just happened

he was completely enamored

he’d heard of finding one’s mate

mate meetings can happen in wolf form

and others in human form

the main thing was that your body would just know they were the one

he had no idea how he was going to meet his mate, but this is was definitely not how he pictured it

meanwhile, all you knew was that you were walking back to your apartment

and next thing you knew, you were on the ground

and looking into a pair of brown eyes that sparkled down towards you

Chanyeol: “hi”

You: “hi”

Chanyeol: “I’m Chanyeol”

You: “hi, I’m (Y/N)”

Chanyeol: “that’s a nice name”

You: “thanks”

Baekhyun: out of breath from running after Chanyeol’s long ass legs

Baekhyun: “hey, as cute as this is, maybe you should get off of them?”

You: “I agree with the short one”

Baekhyun: “RUDE”

Chanyeol gets up and pulls you up along with him

when he gets a hold of your hand, he gets that feeling

that feeling that he never wants to let it go

unfortunately, when you do, a part of him cries on the inside

(that’s the big puppy coming out)

Chanyeol: “I’m sorry about ramming into you like that”

You: “apology accepted”

Chanyeol: “can I make it up to you…?”

You: ???

Chanyeol: “like…. a… dinner?........ date?.... if you want……”

you don’t know why, but there’s something in you that makes you say yes

maybe it’s bc this gigantic dude who towers over the crowd

looks like the softest lil marshmallow with his red cheeks and big ears

so you go on the date

and you actually have a great one

he takes you out to a drive in movie theatre, along with dinner

it’s simple

but it’s perfect

so you go on a few more dates and next thing you know

you’ve been in this relationship for like seven months

he’s great—he’s super supportive and radiates optimism 

Chanyeol and you.... just click   

but like there’s something kind of weird...... 

like there are periods of time when he says, “sorry, I’m gonna be busy that night :(“

and that’s fine, but he tells you like… a couple of months in advance

you wanna mind your own business

but you’re also kinda curious bc he never tells you what for

and things kind of get weirder when you officially meet his friends for the first time

you already knew Jongdae and Baekhyun from the first meeting

and you met them a couple of times after

but now you were going to meet the whole group

you’ve heard horror tales of Kyungsoo and Minseok

(courtesy of Baekhyun, but Jongdae says to ignore it—something about Baekhyun being annoying lmao)

you’ve also heard a lot about Jongin and his alarming chicken consumption

along with stories about Sehun and Tao

(and their inability to agree to anything—they’re like babies that way, at least that’s what Chanyeol says)

Suho is like a mother hen and Yifan is like the father bear

apparently, Yixing and Luhan are the nicest so you’ll bond with them the quickest

they’d be the least chaotic members, so you were advised to stay close to them lol

so this all sounds super cute and you are ecstatic to meeting them

and then the time comes for you to meet them

at first, the meeting is just………. kind of odd to you

because it’s at the exo house……………….

so he takes you into the woods to go to the house…………

but listen

if a man took you into a deep part of the woods

where you are very unfamiliar with—wouldn’t you be concerned about being murdered?

yeah, Chanyeol didn’t really think this through bc..... 

that’s exactly where YOUR head space is

lowkey you were like

hahahahaha pls don’t kill me

and just as you’re at the acceptance stage like

okay, this is fine—I’ll just die

the house comes into view and y’all enter

Kyungsoo made dinner

they planned a game night

it was so much fun—you could really tell these boys were like family

and for a second you forget that you are isolated in the woods with 12 rowdy boys

and that this is not normal……. at least, not for humans

unless they’re some frat boy that can’t get over the fact that they peaked in college

anyways

after this meeting, it was more and more common for you to join those group meetings

you’ve met the others’ partners too—well, at least those who have them

despite you getting along with all of Chanyeol’s friends, which is great

there’s still something a bit off

and the thing is 

is that Chanyeol knows you don’t know that they’re wolves

so he made sure to tell the boys that 

one, you’re human 

and two, you don’t know that they’re wolves so they need to keep it lowkey 

but.......... exo is anything but lowkey and this was something you kind of picked up on 

not just with all of them being in an isolated mansion-like house

the main thing with the boys is that they let it slip that they own the land here

but what do they do as jobs to have the house?

and sure, Suho is like a mother hen, but like they also kind of do like a reporting thing

like………… some kind of boss…………..

and yeah, Yifan is the father figure……. but there’s some type of hierarchy thing that Yifan is “reporting” to Suho too……

it’s all really weird

and you can’t tell if it’s a bro culture thing or something, so you don’t really say or ask anything

and yeah, Chanyeol thinks he’s slick 

he is not bc 

there’s also a couple of things about Chanyeol that’s kind of off to you 

like he’s weird, but then there are some things that are just………. Weird

for example, he’s very affectionate, right?

but like, he seems to hold himself back for you

yeah, skinship is a thing for you both 

but 

let’s just say second base seems to be the farthest you’re going, even tho you’ve made it every clear you are willing to go all around and do a home run twice

there’s also another thing, which is fine, but like

weird

he really likes tummy rubs

like really likes it

and you’re just kind of like

What

and like sometimes, when he feels like it, he’ll eat really really rare meat

he doesn’t eat it in front of you but sometimes when you buy raw meat

it just

goes missing

it’s just really weird

and then one day

you were at the exo house

at this point, you two have been together for about a year (?) now 

and you were chilling in woods with Chanyeol

he looks super super serious

Chanyeol: “I have something I need to tell you and I don’t know how you’re going to handle it”

You: “um, okay, sure—what is it?”

Chanyeol: “I am a werewolf”

You:

Chanyeol:

You:

Chanyeol:

You: bitch what

You: “are we going that thing where we just talk in vines bc you’re not making any sense and you’re doing it wrong”

Chanyeol: “no, I’m serious”

you…… just laugh

like uncontrollably

because this is the most ridiculous thing you’ve heard

Chanyeol’s just kind of…… watching you lose it

in retrospect, maybe he should have thought this through

after you finish laughing, you wipe a couple of tears from your eyes

You: “phew, Channie, that’s pretty fucking funny”

Chanyeol: “(Y/N), I’m not kidding—I’m a werewolf”

then, what he says………………… sinks in

and now it’s your turn to look at him like he’s lost it

You: it’s not too late, maybe I can take him to a therapist

You: “um, Chanyeol, you know this prank isn’t very funny”

Chanyeol: “don’t say that, I can prove it”

You: oh no

he steps back and takes off his shirt

(to which you snap a mental image)

he climbs onto a higher rock, where he towers over you

You: “hey, Chanyeol.. you might, uh, wanna get off that”

Chanyeol: “I got this”

You: he’s gonna die

and then he jumps off

there’s a flash of light and he transforms, landing on the ground on all four paws

all you saw was a giant wolf that’s at least twice your size

you could only stare

you tried not to move

that’s not very hard considering how frozen you were

for a second, you think you’ve gone insane

but it’s there in front of you

the wolf moves closer to you, slowly and carefully

when it gets close enough, it bows his head to you in submission

and when it opens its eyes

you see the familiar, warm, brown eyes that sparkle at you

the gold specks in them shine a bit more

I want to say that you were able to accept it real quickly

but you don’t

it’s kind of a shock……

so you take a little break from all of this

while Chanyeol understands, it doesn’t mean he’s not upset

his other half is apart from him and he feels like his heart’s slowly being ripped out of his chest

it’s not that you had a problem with it

it was the process

yeah, he lied but like

it’s bc he’s a supernatural being

(that you can empathize with)

but that means other beings probably exist

what if that one waiter was a vampire who could have eaten you

or that one swimmer was a mermaid

this is just a collision of so many worlds

at this point, you were just trying to understand what actually happened

time passes and you don’t even know how much has

until Suho and Yifan end up at your apartment door

they both came with like a fruit basket or something (in their defense, they didn’t know what you would like)

Suho: “hi~ can we come in?”

Yifan: “we just wanted to talk and check-in”

they end up at your place for hours

they really did come to check in with you and see how you were handling the whole thing

and took the time to explain how things worked for them

(the impact of full moons, the concept of soulmates, imprinting….. the whole package)

and they answer any questions you have had

they really were super sweet about the whole thing

and eventually, you ask about Chanyeol

You: “is… is he okay?”

Yifan: “he’s been acting like a kicked puppy since you left—oW”

Suho rolls his eyes at Yifan, not apologizing for hitting him

Suho: “yes, he’s upset, but he’s more concerned about you and where this relationship is supposed to go now?”

Yifan: “we’re not rushing you or anything, but he…. he’ll need an answer eventually”

Suho: “just think about and sort out your emotions, and when you’re ready…. you’re welcome anytime at the exo house”

it was real eye opening for you

when they left, they also left their numbers for you

Suho: “call anytime, a mate of an exo member is a member of ours”

later that night, while you in bed, you thought about it

you should really talk to Chanyeol, he deserves an answer

but, it wasn’t until another couple of days pass that you actually talk to him

it’s a rainy day and you were sitting on your couch, watching tv and eating cereal

all of a sudden, the sadness hits you

and you really miss him

and you really wanted to see him

so you do

you grab a pair of shoes and your keys—immediately heading out

you drive through the rain, thinking about what you were even going to do or say

next thing you knew, you were at the exo house’s door

you really should have thought things through, but

you didn’t really know what else to do

you knock on it, hoping that Chanyeol was there

Tao and Sehun open the door, seeing you standing there—soaking wet from the rain, in your sweatpants and with mismatched shoes

You: “uh, hi guys”

Suho pushes in between them and sees you there

Suho: “oh my god, (Y/N), come in, come in”

they get you in

Kyungsoo gets you some green tea

Yixing gets blankets for you

Luhan picks out some warm clothes for you

and Minseok dries your other clothes

the other boys and their mates keep you entertained for a bit

amidst the chaos, Jongin rests a hand on your shoulder

Jongin: “Chanyeol went out for a run, you can wait in his room if you want”

when you find a chance, you do—you go up the familiar stairs and hallway

and you just

wait

there’s a bit of a lull of silence and then you hear his voice

Chanyeol: “(Y/N) is WHAT?”

you can hear him running up the stairs and before you can say anything

he tackles you onto the bed

You: “CHANYEOL WE TALKED ABOUT THE TACKLING”

Chanyeol: “I’m sorry, I got excited” :(

you and Chanyeol settle on the bed and just………. talk

you get things sorted out and it’s great

after you figure out things, everything’s kind of back to normal (as much as it could be)

you lowkey kind of live in the exo house now

like your things are in Chanyeol’s room

anyways

werewolf!Chanyeol is a lot more fun than people would think

he’s a lot more relaxed about things

now he’s most likely to be lounging around in his half form, with the whole ears and tail thing

you give him a lot more tummy rubs

you scratch his ears too

the whole dog package

I mean wolf

you actually came to one of the full moon nights and it was super fun

Chanyeol spent the whole night right next to you

he’s also a lot more openly affectionate

I mean the whole package: hand-holding, lap-sitting, public cuddling

he knows no boundaries

he is super careful about his strength tho—always checking in with you and making sure you’re feeling safe and comfortable

and it’s safe to say that y’all are way past second base

I’m not saying anything else for the kiddos

other than the whole full moon transformation thing

there’s no real difference between the boy that tackled you and the wolf that you’re with now

and you can’t wait to spend the rest of your life with him as his mate

#admin grandma #grandma aus #aus #romance #fantasy #kpop #kpop aus #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #exo ot12 #exo #exo chanyeol #exo aus #exo imagines #exo scenarios #chanyeol #park chanyeol #chanyeol aus #chanyeol imagines #chanyeol scenarios #werewolf!au #werewolf!chanyeol #mates!au #mates!chanyeol #group: exo #group: exok #group: exom #member: park chanyeol

[svankmajerbaby]

5,8, 11,12,13, 23 & 25 ?? :P

thanks for the ask! sorry for taking so long to answer, i was on mobile :^(

5. character you were most surprised to end up writing? the toy story characters, to be quite honest. i have always loved the franchise but i never really thought i had much to write about it... i didn’t even question much the whole “who’s andy’s father??” thing i think a lot of people in the toy story fandom wonder a lot. but when toy story 4 came out i felt like there were a lot of stories i wanted to know. of course, i needed to know what had happened to bo peep, and how her relationship with woody would have changed after so long of being apart; that led me to reexamine their relationship based on who they were as characters, and go on a whole character analysis of both woody and bo as what they had probably gone through and which were their formative experiences... and after that i just needed to start writing down everything i had in my head. 8. favorite genre to write? i think i’m on the fence between family drama/romance and horror, with a bit of science fiction sprinkled in. the thing is, while family drama, romance and horror come easy more or less, i always get carried away with sci fi, needing to plan the new futuristic worlds, how it is different from tthe present, how characters interact with this world, etc. 11. what aspect of your writing do you think has improved the most since you started writing? definitely dialogues!! if there’s something i’m proud of (more or less) is how far i’ve come when writing dialogues. now i feel they’re a lot more natural and realistic, though just how good they are at communicating vital info is anyone’s guess really...

12. your weakness as an author fsghsdjhsdgdj i really don’t know, it’s going to be just my assessment of what i think i should improve on... i think i’m not too good at rhythm and flow, like i feel my stories aren’t very well organized and can feel boring at times or stilted, in a way. when i reread my finished stories/completed chapters i often find myself wanting to skip over scenes i feel are dull to get to the more fun stuff :^/ i do that with a lot of books tho, especially on the second or third read tho, so idk 13. your strengths as an author i think i’ve improved a lot on my dialogues?? i think. i used to hate it, because it always felt like such a chore while i enjoyed much more writing lush descriptions of environments and places and emotions and memories... but now i can spend pages and pages in a free flow of consciousness while inhabiting these characters and arguing from their points of view. this can become a weakness tho -im kind of feeling lately that i’m relying too much on dialogue instead of just... yknow, actions. which are hard to write too. 23. any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing? i don’t really know what “obscure life experiences” mean, but i’ve done things like trekking a mountain and walked through a forest and taken piano lessons and been in a car crash and seen an armed robbery and had regular anxiety attacks so i feel i can describe all of these more or less accurately... apart from that, there’s a lot of things i have to rely on other people’s experiences or accounts to write them properly, so i do a lot of research in general. im sorry im not sure what to answer fdsgfsgh i don’t really get this question 25. copy/paste a few sentences or a paragraph youre particularly proud of i’m still of the mind that The Best Thing I’ve Written So Far is a frankenstein/barbie fanfic that i feel is just... exactly what i wanted it to be, and tbh i don’t see any changes i would do to it, it’s both what i wanted to read and what i wanted other people to see. it’s a fanfic, so it’s not at all original, and i’ve borrowed quite a few words from the original (excellent) text, but i think i’ve added some ideas of my own... idk im just really really proud of it.

“It’s alive,” she whispered to Willard, or perhaps to herself.

But Vivianna was not overjoyed. She was not proud. And she was not happy at all. As soon as she could see what she had done, what she had brought to life, she recoiled in disgust and withdrew the light from it, as if, in darkness, it would disappear like a child’s nightmare.

Vivianna had attempted to make her creature in her image: she sought, as she was brought up, only the most delicate and striking beauty. She saw no reason as to give life to a being devoid of pleasant features, of perfectly shaped limbs, of the most perfect pieces she could manage to get her hands on. And so, Vivianna had fished her parts from very select places: the most cared-for, elite parts of the cemetery, where models and actresses were buried as they left too soon, too young; the dumpsters of shopping malls and large stores, where the broken mannequins were disposed of, but which could still be of use. She had washed everything so meticulously, taking the grime and the blood from nails, from crevices, better than the most professional mortician. Vivianna had used her sewing skills to attach the disparate limbs, to select and put together those fingers she found the nimblest, the lips she found the fullest, the feet she found the daintiest. When good parts were not available, that’s when the mannequins came of aid. She used heat to melt the plastic of the mannequin parts into the flesh, to attach everything neatly, cleanly, perfectly. Perfectly. Vivianna had never worked on anything as much, with as much attention to detail, with so much effort and hope. In her mind, the creature –her very own doll –would be perfect.

Perfect! Her own creation, perfect! As the heat of life animated the body, the seams became evident, the lines between skin and plastic. The scars of the stitching, that which Vivianna had done by hand, had not healed as well as she had expected; a newly beating heart pounded blood into the veins, and that blood leaked and dripped slowly through the badly sealed holes of the doll’s body. And beyond the skin… Vivianna felt sick to her stomach. She had attempted, in her pursuit of perfection, to copy herself –but even better, even more beautiful, with all those features Vivianna wished would be enhanced. But in her pursuit, the body’s proportions were extreme and deeply uncanny. It was all about small, off measurements: the bust, slightly too big for any human; the waist, just a bit too small, small enough to be wasp-like; the length of the legs, leaning toward the monstrous. And the features –the huge, blue, glassy eyes, surrounded by long, full lashes; the full, reddened, vein-crossed lips, which the doll could barely open in a forced pout; the tiny, thin nose, through which the doll tried its best to breathe; and the full head of blonde hair which, in the process had burned in places, or had become dirty and frizzy and greasy and stringy. Perhaps, Vivianna managed to think, it was what the magic of animation did to her creature: as a still figure, much like a mannequin, it could be slightly unsettling but, all things considered, a thing of beauty; but in the flesh, moving like –or how it imagined like –a person would move –something was so terribly off in how it moved, in how the body reacted to the movement, in how everything was placed and tried to place itself in the space.

[kae-karo]

marianas trench: phantoms

the absurd album overanalysis, commentary, and ranking nobody asked for

first, my personal ranking (don’t get me wrong tho i love the entire damn album):

1. wish you were here 1. don’t miss me 1. the death of me 2. your ghost 2. the killing kind 3. only the lonely survive 3. echoes of you 4. glimmer 4. i knew you when 4. eleonora

the album as a whole: oh such an awesome story and so awesomely inspired by the horror genres?? i think some of the non-singles hit the horror mark better but like oh my god it’s such a cool vibe the whole entire thing???? i know the concept was like,,,,,,descent into madness but you can totally feel this struggle with it and with the idea of a doomed/dead relationship, it’s just so so well done??? my one complaint is that i’m not musically inclined enough to recognize where all the references are bc unlike in no place like home and dearly departed, there aren’t really as many lyric references to other albums/songs, it’s more the music. and i know it well enough to go ‘oh that’s familiar, for sure’ but i can’t for the life of me figure out where from (in most cases)

eleonora: i mean the title is based on the short story by edgar allan poe (x) true to theme from the beginning, which (long story short) is about a woman the narrator falls in love with (well, his cousin) but she’s ill and will die, blah blah blah she does and the narrator vows never to marry anyone else but later he does and his first love comes back from beyond the grave to give her blessing for the new marriage - already basically i’m getting vibes of like,,,,,,a genuine desire to move on? which is great imo and like a step forward from previous albums? plus the whole acapella delivery is super reminiscent of so it goes (x) and the layered voices reminiscent of the intro to end of an era (x). plus we have the direct ref to the raven (x) by poe with ‘midnight dreary’. also the idea of ‘don’t hush’ which is later touched on as ‘just hush’ in the killing kind? oof interesting v v interesting

only the lonely survive: a bop a massive bop but! also! just a very intriguing take (at least to me) on a doomed-to-fail relationship, the idea that you can actively acknowledge a relationship is hurting both parties but...choose to stay. i also like the idea (which i might just be extrapolating) that to truly live, to have a really poignant relationship, you have to sort of give yourself over to it? ‘only the lonely survive’ - only those who isolate themselves truly ‘get out alive’ if you will but like, that’s the beauty of putting yourself out there? is like, you truly feel everything, i guess. ‘it hurts like hell to love this well’ sort of touches on that same idea for me. anyway the whole thing goes hard as hell and i love it. ‘he’ll never know you / not the way that i knew you’ we love intra-album references !!!

echoes of you: okay didn’t love this at first bc it felt repetitive (and it was coming on the heels of only the lonely survive which i adored) but it also felt really unique and a little different? when the released it as a single, it’s the first time i thought of this album as truly horror-inspired and totally picked up on the tell-tale heart vibe (x) which was just so interesting, i love how stories like that have turned into these really fresh songs that still call back to these kinds of madness-inspiring stories - that a love can inspire that kind of madness, even when it’s gone. i also wonder if the idea of ‘can’t stop myself from falling now’ has less to do with falling in love (which is, for me, the immediate connotation) and more to do with ‘falling into madness’. the verses and the tempo are so well-paced as well, like this frantic feeling? then the chorus comes in with this suspenseful set of chords? and the theremin in the background!!!! the best way to give a truly Spooky™ vibe. the idea of tell-tale heart, the story, too, is that the narrator is trying to sound completely sane, and explain the murder they’ve committed and why it was justified - that goes along with the theme of this album, too, where there’s this undercurrent of trying to insist that the doomed relationship is somehow justifiable

don’t miss me?: oh i adore this and the idea of ‘oh hah yeah no i don’t miss you like at all,,,,,,,,,,,,,do you ‘not miss me’ too?’ and like this,,,,,,not obsession but the idea of trying to actively move past missing someone? but just constantly getting caught up on it? unrelated to the meaning but oh my god the little background vocals, adore it. ‘some people try to raise the dead / some people try to live instead’ is like. that’s one of those things that i lowkey would love to get tattooed on my body or something. just really good words, because that’s what it’s like moving on from a rough relationship - and it’s hard to like, see that when you’re in the thick of it? bc like imagine losing a loved one and trying to bring them back to life - we’ve all heard the story, it’s never what’s expected, it’s never quite right and the same goes for relationships. and so, the idea of living instead, of moving on. also the vocal run up to the high note toward the end (x - look idk Music Words) reminds me of something but i can’t quite place it. also ‘i don’t remember why we stayed’ and then in wish you were here, we get ‘i don’t recall now why we’re buried’ which is a fun contradiction

wish you were here: that middle-of-the-night madness that goes alongside one love (x) like,,,,,if you took it one step on the other side of madness and entertained the idea of reviving a relationship that should be dead. except it’s such a bop unlike one love, like it sounds a lot like it could be on astoria, and it’s got that back beat matching this means war (x) in fact, it feels like the exact polar opposite of this means war (like...instead of ‘lmao i’m totally awesome without you’ it’s like ‘i’m,,,,,maybe not doing so great without you, shit i really wish you were here, wish we were together’)? but with the same sort of vibe in terms of the music itself? and the outro (x) reminds me hardcore of something else i can’t quite place

your ghost: this one also reminds me a lot of the general vibe of astoria with hints of like. modern touches? this one reminds me a lot of wildfire actually? (x) but a bit more upbeat? like that guitar style i think is what does it. it feels a lot like there’s this...almost unwilling pull toward the idea of ‘madness’ that they’re focused on, like....a sort of awareness of the descent? also the softer bit toward the end where it’s just josh and the guitar (x) reminds me a lot of something that i once again cannot place for the life of me

glimmer: oh no,,,,,,,,,okay first this (it’s just audio but tumblr won’t let me add audio on its own in a post like this):

so my first and most important comment is that all i can think about when i hear this song is ‘halo by beyonce halo by beyonce halo by beyonce halo by beyonce’ and it tends to run over everything else lmao. but! i think conceptually it’s more of that descent into madness, into seeing some sort of trace of a relationship, like some sort of residual glimmer that sticks to things, to people. ‘it’s funny what you find when you go without’, like the idea of....probably hallucinating in a sense, but starting to see the relationship/the other person everywhere, on everything, when you’re missing them? even to the point that, when the person comes back, maybe the memories of that relationship stick around too - ‘you’ve changed but it’s not enough / and doubt is insidious / creeps up on you softly / i can’t get it off me, i can’t get it off me now’ like this idea that even though it’s something wanted, to come back together (no matter how bad it might end up), memories and the past can’t really be forgotten - ‘you’ve changed but it’s not enough’ - very reminiscent of wildfire (x - ‘so now you show up when you’re alone again / but we haven’t changed, but now you’re interested) ngl too the overall feeling of the song reminds me of one love? (x)

i knew you when: so this song sorta came out of nowhere to me, like it felt weird and off-kilter like...i knew you when? when what? but like. now it makes a lot more sense, in this sort of...well, twisted way. it feels like things have been twisted around. it comes off the back of glimmer, too, and i think that’s like - oh, these memories are here, lingering, and this is almost a deep-dive into them? it tells a bit of a story and i think it’s less abstract, but it definitely harps hard on the idea that ‘i’ve been loving, loving you too long to just sudden-suddenly move on from this’ that sort of encompasses the entire album really cleanly. it’s interesting, actually, it almost feels like a very sincere moment of clarity and specificity amidst a mess of this drifting toward ‘madness’, but still hinting at that little bit of ‘okay but if you want to....i’ll know you then’, this like concession to that madness, an indulgence in it? 

the death of me: oh catch me melting over the transition between songs, utterly seamless. love it. this one is another one that like....feels like a breath of clarity in awareness? like this acknowledgment that there’s something off, this lingering desire for someone from the past, that there’s an emptiness, that this new thing isn’t right, even if it’s something wanted. because other wanted things (or people) make it impossible. i think it’s also the first time in a while where another party (ie not them nor the person they’ve got this tangled relationship with throughout the album so far) is mentioned which is v interesting. i think this track does an excellent job of bringing a ghostly vibe to it, the echoing vocals and background sounds, they almost elicit this feeling of like. the person is drifting away from the person they’re trying to make a new start with, like literally drifting? almost being pulled in by the ‘madness’? and it’s a heartbreaking song, too, bc there’s this emanating desperation to like...move on? and make things work? but this acknowledgement that...maybe that’s not happening? maybe it’s not possible? maybe there’s too much baggage, in a sense? there’s also that very long outro that starts off a little intriguing, adventurous almost, and then descends into this frightening crescendo (x - that also has a hint of something else in it) before these voices come in, crescendoeing again into this sudden stop and then you’ve got josh saying ‘save me from myself’ which i feel like is a reference?????? also cannot believe they made me download that and reverse it so i could figure that out lmao

the killing kind: it wouldn’t be a mt album without a song that’s all over the place and somehow still cohesive and intriguing, huh? oh big mood for the intro, with the very great imagery of wandering a haunted house at night, staring into the shadows, and then ‘the killing kind’ - i think the whole thing is a super interesting concept, again, this acceptance of some of the fault in a failed relationship? ‘but you’ve been haunted too’ and yet not all of it, i think a lot of media represents things as black and white, with all the blame on one person, when that’s rarely the case? anyway, it’s interesting it’s addressed. ‘nevermore’ of course being another edgar allan poe reference (disclaimer there may be other references i’m missing since i’m not massively well-read in the horror genre) i’m also intrigued by ‘can’t get out / from under it / nevermore to leave here’, is that a lover dearest (x) reference? bc that’s what came to mind, honestly. again, excellent with the background vocals giving that eerie vibe. and then the stephen king ‘it’ reference with ‘we all float down here’. ngl that one feels a little forced but again, i’m like. not well-read in the horror genre so there may be more layers to that one than i know. ‘it gazes back / sings to me / i know my love can be the killing kind’ - i think this is interesting that it sings back, that feels very much like a callback that maybe their own previous songs are hinting at the love being ‘the killing kind’. also ‘you should never be here’ makes me think of something (x) the hard guitar/violins in the background during ‘here and now / this is it’ etc remind me of something else. and then ofc we have the astoria run/vocals (x) and then the ref to echoes of you (although it sounds like the slightest pitch lower than in echoes of you?) and then the whole bit with ‘don’t love the bottle’ i swear on my life it sounds like it comes from somewhere? same with the background melody? but i have no idea where, it just sounds like a reference. and then we have the background little melody (x) after he says ‘a hidden melody’ so it’s like reinforced that it’s a reference but idk where from rip lmao. edit: ty to the lovely anon who mentioned it’s from masterpiece theater!!!!! and once again a++++ use of a theremin in the background for max spooky vibes. also ‘evermore’ is totally a reference to ever after (x) along with the little lift after that (i assume) and then the whole acapella bit calls back to eleonora and the ‘now’ bit to something (x) plus the ‘hear me now’ from something wow i’m great at this game lmao as well as the ‘don’t you hear me’ part. ‘we could be together here / forever we’re together bound in madness’ i think again a lover dearest and then ofc we have the vocal runs from something (x) and then the strong background violin from another thing (yeah yeah i know they’re all references i just don’t know what from) and then he says ‘just hush eleonora’ which, as previously mentioned, is a very intriguing development from ‘don’t hush’ like this,,,,,,acceptance of the madness? and then ofc he says ‘eleonoria’ in ref to astoria. edit: also the whole ending is so so similar to the ending of ever after

#marianas trench #phantoms #kt #oh my god i'm so bad at musical references #when it's lyrics i got it easily #but oh my god #someone sned hlep #this feels so incomplete #ah well c'est la vie i suppose

[castlehead]

:a Not which one is right but which one is more like you Let's start now // this is a few makeshifts on the deity,

dint realize y i was gettin poor marks in college till i realized comic sans wasnt mla format for essays, but i kept on with it bc im anti establishment and my dope ass literary insights should speak for themselves.

my 'experimentation' as one nonplussed professor put it, with the font, progressively got crazier, and in the end i was doin all caps zapf wingdings mized wih herculanum

needless to say, i got my degree.. IN BEIN A BOSS.

na but yeah i got kicked out of that school. still bummin on campus actually, and probably psychotic from this ecstasy i keep taking. this guy in f comp makes his own, has a pill press nd everything.

the shoes i original got as a college present from my parents got stolen, or in any case i woke up in a snow drift next to the commons dumpster without them on, so i just wear slippers. my toes are purple. ther always feels like there is something in my teeth or throat i cannot dislodge. i am the campus transient, avoiding th. RAs and ignoring the eviction notices. like raping the willing, one cannot be evicted if one is homeless. with the help of a few friends i sold drugs to when my rents still gave me money and i was still enrolled, i alternate between various dormitory hovels, hiding out from the campus police like some ghastly dysfunctional version of anne frank.

i havent taken my pills and smell. i emaciate my already rejected body, rejected by the establishment goons, with cocaine, and remind myself of the leftover chicken carcass and neatly lined bones whose tomb was a disgusting box of dominos buffalo wings i ordred and consumed my first semester here and that remained in the same place until i abandoned that radioactive dormroom to die slowly and painfully, and metaphorically, since living quarters do not possess life. i am starting tho to wonder if i myself possess that as well or if i did once and now am but a structure, a part of the collegiate landscape, sniffed at by diligent students and attempted to get thru to by intellectual slackers, decadent addicts themselves on their way to where i am, and wooks who need someone to smoke with on a sunday 4 am and know i always keep track of what festis are goin on on campus; i receive the next round of empathy from a new stranger who maybe heard of me or has seen me around and wondered what i was still doing here.

empathy, empathy, curiosity as to the quirky insane dude fried by mdma and a shitload of adderall for no purpose bc i have no practical skills. a monotony of empathy ripping off and using for the metaphorical shit on my metaphorical ass, like swquares of toilet paper who fancy me a hobo poet in need of on top of text books i never opened, on a desk i used as a trash receptacle. and speaking of wings, i think i might be literally going into a dissociative state because all the leaves on the trees look like zapf wingdings. my clavicle is not only visible but sticks out of my body further than my chest does.

watch out for hell day today, for something godlier than god. i deliver it.

The effect I wish to give, as it always has been, is that of a truth clearly viewed, in utter horror. Gods factotum, shuffling thru abandoned files that sometime held a secret forgotten, tho no less true now, and the horror perhaps, that we forgot something so crucially, fundamentally true, and so long ago.

​this work is twisted, sad, manic, strange, fluid, stilted, inappropriate, foolish, magnificent.

if god doesnt exist, neither does the version of myself with dreadlocks

. .  .   .    .     .      .

one has no choice in the end but to resign oneself, and drop their head. and yet, where do they look, if one in shrinking away for the purpose of humbling hisself afore the god of anxiety, and receiving his respite, knows nothing more than but to resign? where is the clarity here? there is no clarity 'here'. it is there, and come upon in moments of fear and trembling at the dread chaos, the doubt in a heart and split in a mind.

it is there, for one is staring at the ground, awaiting an end to the necessary aversion from the sight of a higher morsel of GOD.

. .  .   .    .     .      .

atheism should not be an opinion it is not the result of not believing in god it is simply living life without a thought as to a religious god. we are not reacting to religion we are IN reality just as the catholic is IN reality. saying "I don't believe in god" is like equating nothingness to a lack of everything. there is no reactive state to atheism at its purest. it is not an acknowledgment, in other words, of no god, but an acknowledgment of what is before one's eyes, this vast neutral space I defy you to say is different from the religious folks' apprehension of objects and desires, all before them, swimming in ghostly revelry or not, only figurations anyway. o this insanely divided world.

i have a secular conception of god based on my teleological hypotheses re the nature of a causa prima, causa sui. it's the definitions that need defining, not the thing with a name on it that needs explaining. physics already does that.

remove intent for the case of nihilism, and you will have what i am saying here. no case at all. no 'response' so to speak. atheism can be evangelical

im not an evangelical atheist because what i believe changes based on the day but is always just as real haha. belief is tenuous. i go by that

it's the definitions that need defining, not the thing that needs explaining.

my conception of god is that it is the only thing that does not exist. so in a way, yes, i am an atheist.

'God' as defined in its easiest terms, is an ultimate uniquity. like, an outstanding substance. anyway, idk. at the end of the day idk haha

Kant's own a priori notional form of perception comes to mind. in front of our eyes is what is real. the observer initiates the ocular nerve, and the thing or situation burns into the receiving blankness of the mind.

like, have we reaped all the possible benefits of fire by now? surely the wails of prometheus fall not on deaf ears!

. .  .   .    .     .      .

twisted, sad, manic, strange, fluid, stilted, inappropriate, foolish, magnificent.

. .  .   .    .     .      .

green tortilla chips my ass. he said with no attempt at disguising incredulity, wiping the tears from his brow.

. .  .   .    .     .      .

whereas god is all, i am only myself, knowledgeable of only myself; therefore, unless god is simultaneously aware of being myself alone along with being everything, and of that everything knowledgeable of each and every thing as if god were only that thing, i am then let in on an experience of individuality that god is unaware of.

this is a question of how to be the most purely omniscient, omnipotent, etc. that is the question that our conception of god is asking.

corollary: if in the case of being simultaneously the experience i have of myself, and being all, then it is quite logical to say that our experience in life is in fact a godly experience, since i, too, would be unaware of being all, as goes the route of any human perception of things.

when i say i am only aware of myself i mean it in ontological terms, fyi -and also in, i will admit, somewhat absolutist terms. of course as people, psychologically, we can put ourselves in another's shoes, step outside of our comfort zone, change an opinion [or five] and every person is an environmental sponge -we can adopt varying personality traits from the culture we is born into etc. -this argument presupposes an absolute view, kinda,- in that, IF this were how it went, it wld go such nd such -this statement of mine does not examine a phenomenological or spiritual connection between people but examines the relativity and possible logical gaps in -the idea, or notion if you prefer- of omniscience.- there is only theory haha <#

we create our gods but they exist as much as we do

. .  .   .    .     .      .

turn your back, find yourself faceless, at least, to someone.

. .  .   .    .     .      .

wondering if I got a problm w. th prostate bc sometimes when I feel a shit coming I piss n it goes away. Don't change much re bathroom routine tho since I already sit down wen I pee in the first place, and according to my second ex wife this means I am a lazy fat whore

interested in the concept of the devout as being the truest sceptics.

. .  .   .    .     .      .

Thought has the coherence of being but is not being, i.e. beginning and ending in our living heads as something not itself alive, but a mere transfer of connection willed consciously to create that inert unbreathing grand called the magnificent bullshit, the idea.

the quiet horror of the mundane dailyness.

. .  .   .    .     .      .

i think something elitist and say within, Well that was elitist wasnt it, dan. then pat myself on the back at my ability to check my arrogance, specifically when i see the thought thru the lens of something a cousin of mine with generally liberal views and empathy who fishes in alaska for money and lives off the grid would remark to himself. then, i get slightly nauseated after mentally leafing thru all the times i have been proud of mentally criticizing myself for something in the first place outwardly bad. and there goes on the circular drudge of ugliness, not evaded outright, but felt the pangs of guilt in the says within, that say me again and again in my inertial brood, of void i would hope, of searching for clarity i wish, but that is probably more like a moralizing, limited gauge, like feeling better about something ugly that is yr fault by feeling bad about it for a little so you can get that part over with without the possibility of another harder wave of guilt for not feeling bad at all about the ugly thing, and therewith reacting with doubts to doubtful reactions, until yr whole value system is a wilderness of mirrors.

. .  .   .    .     .      .

im a perfectionist when it comes to sensation. the beautiful feeling must be experienced in the proper setting that would maximize its potential. i think this is y i used to do lots of drugs, which by nature are the commodification of sensations. probably also y i was super miserable doing them and kept doing them despite that. there is a certain ring of the hoarder or magpie in this perfectionism that wants to connect physicality with ego that i see as well in the idea of paying money to literally feel specific sensations; equally, the result of this on the psyche is as tenuous here as with the futile idea of thinking the perfect setting for doing drugs is always at hand, which it rarely is, or at the least there is something to mar the perfect dream, that dragon, that pursuit of happiness, life, and liberty via thinking on how best situate the chains to, in essence, 'maximize' your mobility, but nathless remaining held in doom. the drug world, uh, is itself volatile; perfectionism and volatility dont jive so well, usually. and so on. hm. hegh.

heh.

. .  .   .    .     .      .

I only like Eminem rap and that one NWA song like hell naw the rest is garbage now let me go back to my trailer in the woods where I live in harmony with the Elves who have seemed to appear more frequently now that I have that bathtub meth dungeon set up in my basement where skynerd plays ceaselessly from an unlocatable place. My hero is Ed Gein. But I don't do the lampshade thing. I do however have a human skull I bought from my buddy who owns a war relics and parephernalia shop, he had to go in the back to get it and lock the store so nobodys would come snoop. Turns out some folks comed snoop to see if he figured any more available and he got mad at me for blabbing, an I said, Giles, ya know I ain't blabbing, but he dint believe it, an now we just kinder avoid each other at the local NA meetin. People tryn cop there and some do and theys go behind the water tower tagitit, I int do that part tho, a tad fucked up I mean, these people try n getting clean an all, why make it harder n it eyis? But if y'all wanit I get it tiya, come by and share a chaw almighty God. Gib ye a gude price too. *PATOOEY* I. Uh am sober myself. 20 yrs. but damn ye ye make a buck more n working garbage detail selling home cooked meth I reckon ye. Don't touch the stuff I don't anymore after I heard this queer fella from out a town got his arm chopped off when he mainlined eyit. Tryn I guess do some sex stuff and a days travel from the city. City folk don't know it's diffeRent strength down here's doe. I reckon. *MEDITATIVE PATOOEY* yes sirn. Huhm.

. .  .   .    .     .      .

The thing abt the Sex Pistols is, tho they engineered the punk genre immeasurably, they seem to no longer be in the cultural conversation, except within factions of grey haired aficionados. Even the more radio friendly The Clash seems notably absent in this regard. Has punk developed beyond its early stages, or is punk, being the genre that it is, dependent on whatever the moments youth zeitgeist is? punk is visceral because it is held in time this way. first gen punk, cbgbs headliners of ago and ago, do not exert these days the same walbreaking feel, bc I think there's so much virtuosic music being made today that the path of what will develop is harder to determine. Musicians in throes break down walls without batting an eye. Any musical iconoclasm expressed in the music of the past, then, especially to the contemporary ear, is bound to seem bathetic. Like microaggressions as expressions of racism, our society's opening of mind leads to a closed mind, as one can justify not being racist by simply saying they do not think they are better than marginalized peoples, have never done anything racist, think we are all equal, are not clansmen lol. what ruffles feathers is less obvious, in turn, bc expressions of the ersatz new and the real new are harder and harder to determine. The surplus of media, ideas, and opinions, I think, will lead us to a place where "cultural norm" becomes an oxymoron, hopefully. But then, what else will be left to invigorate, if so much is already so much done out, already? Does there exist a perspective, artistic or no, that is not liable to become passé? Or even some thought never thought before? I know there is, I for one know there is, because as a poet I see much to fix, and much that I work to do bc I see it nowhere else; and this most crucially is not an impression of mine based on today's lit but every days lit there has ever been, throughout history. Just I can literally not even yo, yo

. .  .   .    .     .      .

Mathsmatics can transcend thru the grandeur of its implications but not thru the means towards said implications; philo can do the same, but it's better penchant is for transcending thru means to electrify a mundane conclusion or give a system of reason to a general thought-trope such as, "reality is an illusion" or whichever flat idea u prefer to follow. Since it is pure logos, philo differs from math in being more readily universal; tho the applications of math are more readilly useful than the positives that come with mental clarity at the understanding an achieved unified system. Poetry is all means, so then must dazzle, and needs no evidence, conclusion, or even subject, but need only sway with beauty. Therein is the problem with the existential issue of selfhood. Reductive analysis of self becomes psych, and the only pure philo to be had in selfhoods exegesis is not to be found in anything like a system of proofs or syllogisms, etc. selfhood, as Kierkegaard recognized, is poetic bc it exacerbates reality, exhausts all of it. it is individual, and so copious a thing has no one forged path to what it is, or even any path at all, to what it is, since like Pascals God the self is a circle whose point is everywhere and circumference nowhere. Figuring out a reality via a teleology or thru logic is nicer to attempts at systems. But individual self is too mucky for any proof to say it exists; the murkiness shines, as it always does, when the means are prevalent, since the means, being held moment to moment, rely on nothing but expose a variety of paths to more variety. Philo then is better at least than Math for finding out something obfuscated, but nothing but poetry can so deeply probe the self, as its humility is lain in the respect for a complete dissembling of systems.

. .  .   .    .     .      .

the iconic ny jewish deli sandwich is in essence a robust mountain of roast beef held feebly between two unnecessary pieces of sad, chickenshit marble rye

the roast beef, of course, wld be kosher.

I create; I waste. Yet nothing is perfect, nothing, nothing. Not even dignity.

#prose #collage #frammenti #zibaldone #makeshift #god #god n stuff #prowse #writing

[emmagreen1220-blog]

New Post has been published on Literary Techniques

New Post has been published on https://literarytechniques.org/hyperbole-poems/

Hyperbole Poems

Hyperbole appears in poetry almost as often as metaphor. After all, to quote Wordsworth, poetry is “the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings” and powerful feelings ask for exaggerated language. However, bear in mind that the Romantics were much fonder of hyperbole than modern poets are. In fact, some of the latter argue that it is precisely because of this overuse of hyperbole that numerous 19th-century poems sound a bit melodramatic to today’s ears. See if you agree with this claim by going over our examples below.

10 Famous Poems with Hyperbole

#1: Dante Alighieri, Paradiso XXI.4-12 (1320)

She did not smile. ‘Were I to smile,’ she said, ‘You would be turned to ash, as Semele was when she saw Jupiter in his full Godhead;

because my beauty, which, as it goes higher from step to step of the eternal palace, burns, as you know, with ever brighter fire;

and if it is not tempered in its brightening, its radiance would consume your mortal powers as a bough is shattered by a bolt of lightning.’

(tr. John Ciardi)

As he discovers, level by level, the beauties of Paradise, Dante has the privilege of gazing upon ever more radiant and ethereal sights. However, his guide, his beloved Beatrice, is dazzling to start with—even while alive on Earth—and, apparently, her beauty “burns…with ever brighter fire” every step of the way. Naturally, Dante happens upon the same problem horror writers encounter: the inadequacy of language to describe such supernatural sights. So, he opts for the same solution as they do: an over-the-top hyperbole. As she explains to the poet In the XXI canto of Paradiso, Beatrice withholds her celestial beauty from the eyes of Dante—it is apparently “tempered in its brightening”—because, one smile of hers would be enough for Dante to be “shattered” as a bough is by a bolt of lightning; or, for that matter, as any mortal has ever been after even so much laying his eyes upon a deity. (Beatrice uses Semele as an allusion, but compare with the words of Yahweh to Moses in Exodus 33:20: “You cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live”).

#2: Christopher Marlowe, Tamburlaine (1588)

I hold the Fates bound fast in iron chains, And with my hand turn Fortune’s wheel about; And sooner shall the sun fall from his sphere Than Tamburlaine be slain or overcome.

If Marlowe’s Helen was “the face that launched a thousand ships,” his Tamburlaine was the play which launched a thousand plays. The first popular success on the Elizabethan stage, Tamburlaine also features the first of English drama’s titanic want-it-all heroes, referred to usually as “over-reachers.” And it only fits that an over-reacher should use hyperboles in his speeches. In the four colossal verses above, notes Heinrich F. Plett in Oxford’s Encyclopedia of Rhetoric, “as is proper for a work of literature, the hyperbole appears as a mythological metaphor.” Majestic.

#3: William Shakespeare, King Lear I.1.54-60 (1606)

Sir, I love you more than word can wield the matter; Dearer than eye-sight, space and liberty; Beyond what can be valued rich or rare; No less than life, with grace, health, beauty, honour; As much as a child e’er lov’d, or father found; A love that makes breath poor and speech unable; Beyond all manner of so much I love you.

At the beginning of William Shakespeare’s King Lear, the eponymous monarch makes one of the most bizarre decisions in the history of hereditary dynasties; namely, to divide his kingdom among his three daughters based on how much each of them loves him. Needless to say, It’s hyperbole-time! First comes Goneril, the “eldest-born,” and she doesn’t hold back on the exaggerations: there are many comparatives, superlatives and improbable claims made in the speech quoted in full above. Even so, Regan, Lear’s second daughter, is not impressed. “She comes too short,” she says, which in Shakespearean terms is the equivalent of “Yours was good, but mine will be better.” And it is: “I profess/ Myself an enemy to all other joys/ Which the most precious square of sense possesses,/ And find I am alone felicitate/ In your dear Highness’ love” (I.1.71-75). Now, how’s that for a hyperbole? (And also, as we learn later in the play, a blatant lie.)

#4: Ben Jonson, “To Celia” (1616)

Drink to me only with thine eyes, And I will pledge with mine; Or leave a kiss within the cup, And I’ll not ask for wine. The thirst that from the soul doth rise Doth ask a drink divine; But might I of Jove’s nectar sup, I would not change for thine.

I sent thee late a rosy wreath, Not so much honoring thee As giving it a hope, that there It could not withered be. But thou thereon didst only breathe, And sent’st it back to me; Since when it grows, and smells, I swear, Not of itself, but thee.

Ben Jonson’s most famous short poem, “To Celia,” is basically a string of hyperboles. Already the first—often misunderstood—verse is a beautiful metaphoric exaggeration: you can, say, drink to someone’s health with a cup of wine, but you can’t do it with your eyes; however, when you’re in love with someone, it certainly seems that you can. It also seems that you’d gladly trade a cup of wine for a kiss, even if the latter is not on your lips, but merely left on the empty glass; that’s the meaning of the third and fourth line of Jonson’s poem. He explains why in the four verses which follow. Namely, the thirst of his soul is greater than the thirst of his body, so he’d rather have an empty cup stained with a kiss of his beloved, than one full of nectar, the drink of the gods. This same hyperbolic tone permeates the second stanza as well, in which the poet swears that merely a breath of his beloved upon a rosy wreath he had sent her made the flowers smell of her. To put this elaborate hyperbole in a simpler and more conventional one: his loved one smells even more beautiful than the roses.

#5: Alexander Pope, Peri Bathous, or the Art of Sinking in Poetry (1728)

The silver whiteness that adorns thy neck, Sullies the plate, and makes the napkin black.

Nothing new: in his hilarious 1728 essay Peri Bathous, Pope ridicules the poetical and imaginative deficiencies of his contemporaries. Possibly the best part: chapters X and XI, in which he illustrates the ridiculous way in which the bad poets of his time use some literary devices. The couplet above, in Pope’s words, should serve as a courteously romantic description of a lady at dinner. However, it is so extravagantly hyperbolic (she is so white that the napkin seems black) that, instead of being romantic, it is actually comical. Pope lists quite a few similar examples, one of which (a description of misery) is almost as funny: “Behold a scene of misery and woe;/ Here Argus soon might weep himself quite blind,/ Ev’n though he had Briareus’ hundred hands/ To wipe those hundred eyes.” So impossibly over the top!

#6: Robert Service, “The Cremation of Sam McGee” (1907)

There are strange things done in the midnight sun By the men who moil for gold; The Arctic trails have their secret tales That would make your blood run cold; The Northern Lights have seen queer sights, But the queerest they ever did see Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge I cremated Sam McGee.

Sensational by definition, horror writers turn to hyperbole for effect remarkably often. Robert Service’s most famous poem, “The Cremation of Sam McGee,” is a great example of this. The above is the opening—and closing—stanza of it, and it already sets the tone for the rest. This is not merely a “queer” sight Service is about to recount, but “the queerest,” one “that would make your blood run cold;” note how the hyperbole is even more exaggerated by the personification of the Northern Lights. However, the narrator doesn’t stop here. Already in the second stanza, he says that “God only knows” why Sam McGee left Tennessee, and that, even though “the land of gold seemed to hold him like a spell,” he hated the cold so much that he was often heard saying that “he’d sooner live in hell.” And, indeed, we are informed in the third stanza, in arguably even more hyperbolic manner, that the cold “stabbed like a driven nail” through the parkas of the gold diggers. Well, no wonder Sam was “ghastly pale” and “chilled clean through the bone”! There are a few more hyperboles in “The Cremation of Sam McGee;” read the poem and try to identify the rest.

#7: Edward Lear, A Book of Nonsense (1846)

There was an Old Man with a beard, Who said, ‘It is just as I feared! Two Owls and a Hen, Four Larks and a Wren, Have all built their nests in my beard!’

Edward Lear, “that crazy old Englishman,” is now primarily known for popularizing the form of the limerick and the genre of literary nonsense. The nonsensical effect in Lear’s limericks is often the result of a hyperbolic description; this can be easily evidenced already in the first poem of his first nonsense book, copied in full above. Just like Cyrano de Bergerac’s nose (see below), the beard of Lear’s Old Man is so, khm, distinguished, that no less than eight birds could fit a nest within it.

#8: Edmond Rostand, Cyrano de Bergerac I.4 (1896)

Oh, no, young sir. You are too simple. Why, you might have said— Oh, a great many things! Mon Dieu, why waste Your opportunity? For example, thus:— AGGRESSIVE: I, sir, if that nose were mine, I’d have it amputated—on the spot. FRIENDLY: How do you drink with such a nose? You ought to have a cup made specially. DESCRIPTIVE: ‘Tis a rock, a crag, a cape! A cape? Say rather, a peninsula! INQUISITIVE: What is that receptacle? A razor-case or a portfolio? KINDLY: Ah, do you love the little birds So much that when they come to see you, You give them this to perch on. INSOLENT: Sir, when you smoke, the neighbors must suppose Your chimney is on fire. CAUTIOUS: Take care— A weight like that might make you top-heavy. THOUGHTFUL: Somebody fetch my parasol— Those delicate colors fade in the sun! PEDANTIC: Does not Aristophanes Mention a mythological monster called Hippocamp-elephanto-camelos? Surely we have here the original! FAMILIAR: Well, old torchlight! Hang your hat Over that chandelier—it hurts my eyes. ELOQUENT: When it blows, the typhoon howls, And the clouds darken! DRAMATIC: When it bleeds— The Red Sea!

In Cyrano de Bergerac, Edmond Rostand’s marvelous play, the title character is an impetuous, iron-willed French soldier of many talents. However, he is also awfully self-conscious on the part of his “rather large nose.” And that’s exactly how his enemy, Viscount Valvert, describes it in the fourth scene of the first act of the play. Cyrano replies with the unforgettable speech above, basically forcing Valvert to insult him in a more proper manner. As you can observe even at first glance, the speech is an almost textbook example of the various ways one can hyperbolize a description. And note that the above is merely an abridged version: we haven’t included the simple or the military account, the respectful or the literary version. The bottom line: when you want to insult someone, don’t hesitate to use hyperboles, because mere description just won’t do; it lacks the most important aspect: the emotional excess.

#9: Hilaire Belloc, “Matilda” (1907)

Matilda told such Dreadful Lies, It made one Gasp and Stretch one’s Eyes; Her Aunt, who, from her Earliest Youth, Had kept a Strict Regard for Truth, Attempted to believe Matilda: The effort very nearly killed her, And would have done so, had not she Discovered this Infirmity.

Children respond to hyperboles much more emphatically than they do to realistic, descriptive language. That is why most cartoons are littered with images of excessive violence; ironically, it is the exaggeration which makes the violence more palatable, and the message more graspable. Even though this practice goes way back to the cautionary tales present in the folklore of most nations, it was first popularized by a German psychiatrist named Heinrich Hoffmann, whose 1845 children’s book, Struwwelpeter (or, Shock-headed Peter) is a series of rhyming tales with a moral which the author regularly demonstrates by exaggerating the consequences of misbehavior. Hilaire Belloc parodied the genre in his Cautionary Tales for Children, as evidenced by the full title of the poem excerpted above: “Matilda, Who Told Lies, and Was Burned to Death.” In the opening stanza we are informed that Matilda’s lies are not only “gaspingly” and “eye-stretchingly” dreadful, but that they would have also killed her aunt if she only believed them!

#10: Dorothy Parker, “Comment” (August 16, 1925)

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, A medley of contemporanea: And love is a thing that can never go wrong; And I am Marie of Roumania.

Two-time Academy Award-nominee Dorothy Parker was an American poet, critic and satirist who justly enjoys the reputation as one of the greatest wits and wisecrackers of the 20th century. For example, upon being told that Calvin Coolidge, the 30th US President, had passed away, commenting on his stiffness and taciturnity, Parker immediately replied: “How can they tell?” That’s a great hyperbolic remark in itself, but the one-stanza poem quoted here is, arguably, even better. After paraphrasing two conventional exaggerations (“life is a glorious cycle of song” and “love is a thing that can never go wrong”), Parker adds another one “I am Marie of Roumania.” However, since this last line is obviously ironic—i.e., she is most certainly not Marie of Romania—the reader is invited to revisit the previous two hyperboles and realize that Parker is, in fact, cynical. Thanks to this poem, the phrase “And I am Maria of Romania” is now regularly used when someone wishes to express disbelief (it is similar to another ironic hyperbole of the type: “Yeah, and I’m the Queen of England!”)