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outofconcheol · 7 months

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Sign Here For... (HJS x F!Reader)

pairing: delivery boy!Jisung x afab!reader genres/au/rating: crack, smut, fluff, one night stand au, 18+ summary: Feeling frustrated and reeling from your recent breakup, you put in a special order on your favorite delivery app. However, with the goods, comes Jisung, who's a lot more than you'd ever bargained for.

word count: 4.0k

warnings: past relationship and referenced breakup (Minho x reader), regrettable decisions are made, Jisung and reader are both so very shy and cute but also bold, lots of innuendos, alcohol use, swearing, some little thoughts of self-doubt, Jisung's black nail polish, unexpected feels, smut warnings: nsfw thoughts, sex toys, making out, nipple play, fingering (f receiving), oral (m and f receiving), unprotected sex (the pull-out method)

a/n: djsksk what is this?? except the unhinged product of both my imagination and my infatuation with Han Jisung. this is my first time writing a fic for anybody besides bts, so I'm super nervous about this. Special thanks to Miss Emme (@temptaetions) for informing me that Dashmart, of all places, sells sex toys which then became the impetus for whatever kind of delusional thing this is. i hope you enjoy, and please be nice!

This had the potential to be a bad idea. A very bad idea. Rubbing at your eyes, you glare at your phone screen in the dark, legs tucked underneath you on the couch. If this backfired, maybe you could blame the blue light. Your psych professor in college had always loved to mumble about how cell phones were killing the younger generations’ brain cells.

Or, you could blame the fact that you’d shown up to Chan’s party last night, determined to have a good time after months of moping over your breakup, only to find your ex, Minho, sucking face with a new girl. Yeah. You could definitely blame it on that.

It wasn’t like you didn’t expect him to move on — it was just that you also expected yourself to have. Minho had been your first and only relationship, lasting through all of college and beyond before you’d broken up, deciding your lives were heading in different directions.

Honestly, you hadn’t been upset until the party last night. You’d accepted the breakup, growing pains were inevitable when you’d gotten together so young. But the fact that he’d moved on this quickly and you hadn’t stung.

Not to mention you were horny. Four years with Minho and then just like that, it all stopped. All you wanted was to get laid again. Unfortunately, after a disastrous drunken encounter on a dating app with a physical therapy student named Changbin, in which he’d fallen asleep before you’d even done the deed, you decided that it might have been too soon, and to take a step back.

But you were human, and if devoting your college years to studying the human psyche had taught you anything, it was that humans were needy. Very needy. For food, for shelter, for company. Which is why you were surprised at how the human race hadn’t crumbled already, given the rate of break-ups and divorces occurring these days. The problem was, that despite being needy, humans were also overthinkers.

So you’d spent a week pondering over what you were about to do, rationalizing every aspect of it in your brain - the pros, the cons, the consequences. And had almost talked yourself out of it when running into Minho tonight had been the catalyst for driving your decision the other way completely.

All you wanted was to hop onto your favorite delivery app, ready to wallow in pity over some ice cream and chips, and maybe Pride and Prejudice (2005), but then you’d seen it.

It seemed delivery apps were becoming more and more full service these days. Because right there, past the Doritos and the body wash, were sex toys.

You feel your throat go dry and eyes widen as they flash across the screen - all different sizes, shapes, and colours. There was more variety than you expected.

Immediately, you groan at yourself. More variety than you expected? Who expected to see sex toys on a delivery app anyway? The drought must finally have been getting to your brain.

Throwing your phone aside, you groan, trying to ignore the throbbing at your temple and in between your thighs. Maybe it was time to go out and find someone – maybe your self-imposed celibacy was driving you stir-crazy. It wouldn’t be so crazy to check out Minho’s Instagram, and see how he was doing…

“Get it together!” you mumble to yourself, pinching your arm. You were not going to stoop to the level of texting your ex. However, you were going to stoop to a different level entirely. You wipe your clammy palms on your thighs, picking your phone back up and clicking on a pink one quickly, immediately scrolling down to avoid dealing with the consequences of your transgression.

A few minutes later, you’ve managed to fill the cart with a dozen different snacks…and well… the other thing. It taunts you as you check out, and you focus your mind elsewhere, like the berry cheesecake ice cream you’d ordered. This was just another form of self-care, right?

You can feel the blood rushing in your ears and a bead of sweat trickles down your back, and you make the decision to hop into the shower while you waited. Sighing, you push yourself to stop being the overthinker you’d always been. Whoever was in charge of it would just put it at the door and then leave. It was none of their business, right?

Jisung really wasn’t a judgemental person. He knew people went through so much in their lives, which is why he never questioned orders with enough food for twelve people, only for one person to show up at the door. Or when someone ordered just yogurt and Tide Pods. People tended to forget things. Or they wanted to enjoy things. And who was he to stop them?

But right now, he was conflicted. He’d thought nothing of the order he’d just gotten, clicking accept on his delivery app, but then he’d done a double take when he actually saw what he’d had to pick up. Chugging along to the store on his red bicycle, he heaves for breath, trying to calm the racing in his heart.

You had to be joking right? Maybe you’d clicked it by mistake. He was more than used to his fair share of strange requests, but delivering a vibrator to someone’s doorstep was a new one. For a second, he’d thought about calling to confirm that you’d actually meant to order it, along with a mountain of snacks, but pushed the thought away immediately. That would only make things more awkward.

He wondered what could have possessed you to do something so impulsive. But then a lightbulb went off in his head. People tended to make rash decisions when they were going through a tough time — like a breakup. And suddenly, it all made sense to Jisung.

And being the empathetic person he was, his heart twinged for your sadness. You must have been really lonely. He wondered who could have broken up with you to make you so upset - from what he saw from your snack choices, you already had impeccable taste and he liked you. So he’d make sure you got your things safely.

Pulling up to the store, Jisung parks his bike away safely, the bell above the door signaling his entrance. The store clerk takes one look at him in his snapback with the app’s logo on it, and can barely hold back a smirk. Jisung feels his cheeks heat up… this wasn’t even his stuff, why was he feeling self-conscious?

“I’m uh, here for, —” he chokes out, feeling his throat close up, unable to get the words out. “Yeah.”

“Here you go,” the store clerk pushes the bag his way, unable to hold back their laughter, and Jisung feels a flash of anger go through him. Yeah, it was odd, but there was no reason to be so judgemental about it. “I hope whoever it is enjoys themselves.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure they do,” he blurts out, watching the clerk’s eyes widen before he realizes what he’d just said. “I-, I mean I’ll make sure they get it, you know?”

He decides it’s time to leave before he does something even more stupid, slapping his palm against his forehead while he rushes out. What was it about this specific time that had him so flustered?

Actually, he knows what it was. He’d taken one look at the pink vibrator nestled away in its packaging, and thoughts of what would happen to it after he’d left it at your door raced through him. Rubbing a hand at the back of his neck, he wipes away the sweat that collects at his nape, taking a few deep breaths before hopping back on his bike.

Looking at the map, your apartment was only a couple of blocks away. He had to get it together before then.

Shaking out your wet hair, you slip your oversized t-shirt on, pulling up your fluffy socks, only to be interrupted by a knock at the door. That couldn’t be what you thought it was. You decide to wait a few minutes to see if they knock again, and sure enough, they do.

You huff, looking down at your app. You’re pretty sure you’d clicked “leave at front”. But whoever “Jisung” was, he clearly didn’t get the memo, knuckles continuing to rap at your door.

“Helloooo,” his voice calls out, laced with genuine concern. “Is anyone there?”

Filled with annoyance, you stomp over to the door, pulling it open, ready to give this guy a piece of your mind when—,

Oh. Oh.

Big, brown doe eyes look at you from the other end, glassy and filled with sparkles, and your mind immediately goes blank, forgetting what you were so upset about. You stay there, lips parted, taking in every detail of the handsome stranger currently at your door, from his longish hair that falls in his eyes underneath his snapback, to the black painted fingernails on his slender hands.

The two of you remained locked in a stare for a few moments, Jisung unable to take his eyes off you either, and that’s when it registers that you’re only wearing a t-shirt and socks. You have the urge to slam the door in his face and scream from embarrassment, but then you wouldn’t be able to see his pretty face.

Jisung lets out a strangled sound, somewhere in between choking and a cough, hitting his chest in order to get the words out.

“Hi, I’m here with your order,” his voice cracks when he presents the bag full of things, the pink vibrator lying right on top

Your lips remain parted in an “o”, unable to say anything, eyes flitting in between your order and the cute delivery boy at your door. Eventually, you realize you should do something. Just maybe. So he doesn’t think you’re weird.

“I, uh, thank you, uhm, Jisung was it?” you watch his eyes widen at your acknowledgement, a smile lighting up his face. And it has your heart doing backflips.

“No problem, I hope you enjoy it!” Jisung responds enthusiastically, his ears reddening when he realizes what he’d just said.

Time seems to stand still when you accept the bag, watching him zip up his backpack and put on his jacket, those black nails taunting you. For a moment you imagine what they’d feel like inside of —

“Do you wanna come inside?” The words tumble from your lips before you can stop them, and Jisung freezes. You swear you hear him curse underneath his breath.

This was insane. Probably the most insane thing you’d done since breaking up with Minho. But he gave you butterflies in a way that no one had for a long time, and maybe, just maybe, this was a sign from the universe to take a risk. One more time.

“Jisung,” you repeat slowly, and he finally looks up at you, checking over his shoulder to see if you’re talking to him. “Do you want to come inside?”

He shrugs his jacket off, letting his backpack slip off until it’s hanging off one shoulder before he nods, unable to take his eyes off you standing on the other side of the threshold.

“I’d love to.”

Jisung feels like he’s going to pass out, wondering if he was having an out-of-body experience. Not only did he deliver his first sex toy today, but of course it had to be to one of the hottest girls he’d ever seen. None of it seemed real, as he followed you into your cosy apartment, filled with fairy lights and soft cushions.

A troublesome thought crosses his mind as he slips off his jacket and shoes, when he thinks back to how maybe you’d been going through a break-up. You inviting him in only served to strengthen that suspicion in his mind, but you’d been nothing but nice, just as shy and nervous at he’d felt. Whatever this was, Jisung was down for it, whether you just needed someone to talk to or — he thinks back to the pink vibrator.

Perhaps it was better not to get ahead of himself.

“Make yourself comfortable,” your soft voice echoes from the kitchen. He can hear you rustling around in there, putting away your things, and it makes him even more flustered. He looks around for anything to distract him from his racing mind, settling on a few photo frames of you and another guy, posing with three cats.

“I should probably take those down,” you surprise him again, coming up from behind and setting down some of the snacks you’d gotten and a few bottles of soju. “I haven’t really had anyone over here since the breakup.”

He was honestly shocked you were still on the rebound from your last relationship, given that you were — well you. If he’d known you then, heartbreak wouldn’t even have been a word in your vocabulary.

“It wasn’t horrible, if that’s what you’re wondering,” you reassure him, seeing a cute frown cross his face. “Minho was my first for a lot of things, but eventually you realize not everything is meant to last forever.”

“Is that why you, uh, you needed the things today?” Jisung chokes on sip of soju, hoping the sharp liquid can make him a little less awkward. From the way you fidget with your hair, he realizes it’s not helping at all on that front.

“Enough about me,” you take another swig, a bit of soju dribbling down your chin, and Jisung fights the urge to reach over and wipe it off. But then he’d be too close.

Jisung is a natural talker, opening up easily about himself and his life, from his own cute puppy to his friend group. Through the course of the conversation, he realizes that you’re older than him, but it doesn’t bother him. Something about the earnestness in your eyes makes him feel comfortable. It doesn’t help that you’re stunning under the dim lights, your damp skin shining and lips twisting into an adorable grin while you listen to him talk.

He wonders if he’s being a bit too forward, unable to keep his eyes off them while he goes on, but if you notice, you don’t say anything.

Half an hour later, and the distance between the two of you on the couch is completely non-existent, your thighs pressed up against Jisung’s while you giggle at his Doraemon impression.

He knows he’s probably a little tipsy, both of you are, but that doesn’t stop shock from registering when you pick up his hands, intertwining your fingers to marvel at his nail polish.

You bring them close to you, and even though he’s not touching you, he can swear he feels the thud of your heartbeat underneath your shirt.

“Do you like them?” his voice is gravelly as he asks the question, the soju making him feel like he’s floating.

“I do,” you stutter out. “They look really fucking good, I want them to, I-I mean I want some like them, shit–”

Another giggle bubbles from your lips and Jisung thinks he’s going to lose his mind, watching your eyes grow heavy-lidded, still clutching his hands in yours. The two of you are impossibly close now, any more and you’d be on top of him, but maybe he wants that. Maybe you want it too.

You squeak when he pulls you on top of him, the haze clearing momentarily when he feels your legs straddle him, clutching onto his shirt to avoid falling over completely. Jisung grips your thighs to hold you steady, and your stomach swims at his proximity. Looking into your eyes, he sees your pupils go dark, your throat bobbing while the two of you remain frozen, contemplating your next move.

He watches you suck in a breath, breaking eye contact to look over at the photo frames on your shelf, sadness flashing in your eyes. It stirs something within him, and he stops you midway, cupping your chin in his hands and tilting your head back towards him.

“Can I kiss you?” His voice is lower than he’s ever heard it, desire seeping into every crevice, and he sees you give a little nod before you’re leaning in, crashing your lips onto his.

Jisung stifles a groan, melting into the kiss, your soft, slightly chapped lips adding to the fire that fuels in between you. A whine escapes the back of your throat, your nails raking through the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling him into you. He traces the inside of your mouth, pressing you down onto his thighs, shocked to find wetness leaking onto his jeans.

You pull away with a flush, realization dawning on your face. Chewing your lower lip, you give him an apologetic look.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, I forgot I wasn’t wearing anything underneath…”

Jisung pulls you back into him, nipping at your bottom lip, before he’s pulling away again, his warm breath fanning into your neck.

“You don’t have to apologize baby,” he voice makes you shiver. “I came here for you after all.”

The two of you stumble back into your bedroom, lips clashing desperately, and you tug at the hem of Jisung’s shirt. He breaks away from your lips to allow you a small bit of focus, but it’s gone in seconds when he eyes your neck, pressing small kisses along its length, pausing to graze his teeth in a few spots.

You flutter your eyelashes against Jisung’s temple, finally grabbing hold of his shirt and slipping it over his head. You pause, taking him in, running your knuckles along his sides, and he shivers.

Jisung doesn’t even wait for you to finish undressing him, pushing you back onto your bed softly, watching the way your oversized t-shirt hikes up, exposing more and more of your body to him.

You feel your stomach fall into knots at the appreciative look in his eyes. It’d been so long since someone had looked at you like that, and you feel like you could explode from that alone. You cling onto his biceps, giving them a squeeze, and he moves quickly, pulling you flush against him so he can grab your shirt and tear it off.

Shoving you against him, he mouths at your jaw, tugging your hair so you arch up into him, grinding against the rough denim of his jeans. You collapse into a series of moans and sighs, rutting against him while Jisung continues to work you over, moving down to your neck, before he thumbs at your breasts.

The first swipe of his thumb against your nipple has you keening, throbbing with need until —

Jisung pins you in place, lifting his body slightly so you’re no longer touching. He toys with your nipple experimentally, giving it a squeeze, and you nearly sob at the contact, wanting to feel him again.

“Had to cut it off or I wouldn’t last,” he rumbles into your ear, stroking the soft skin of your stomach before he dips down in between your thighs, stroking exactly where you need him.

Jisung’s eyes widen in surprise at exactly how wet you seem to be, curiously swiping up and down before he plunges a finger in.

“Jisung, please, god, I—” you’re unable to get the words out, tugging at his hair while he fucks you open, your clit throbbing. Your hands roaming underneath the waistband of his pants, pushing at them uselessly, before Jisung pauses. You watch your arousal coat his fingers while he works the button open, finally pulling them off.

Closing your eyes, you ready to finally feel him, but like everything else today, Jisung is full of surprises, kneeling until he’s face first with you, exposed and open for him. The first press of his tongue against you has you bucking up into him, and you feel him smirk, his other hand reaching to press on your neck.

Your eyes flutter, your entire focus narrowing to where Jisung sucks on your clit, and then you’re breaking, nearly flying off the sheets as your thighs clamp around his head, both of you unable to contain your moans.

Jisung looks down at you, his lips swollen and messy with you on them, and you watch him study you, flushed and fucked out underneath him.

“Hey,” he says softly, brushing away the hair that’s fallen on your face. “You okay still?”

“Better than okay,” you mumble through your lips, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. It’s too soft a gesture for what this was supposed to be, but Jisung melts into it anyway, reveling in the quiet moment.

“Keep going please?” you breathe into his neck. There’s barely a moment to think before Jisung’s hands are on your ass again, pushing you up into him so he can line himself up with your entrance. Without warning, he slides in, bottoming out harshly, and you dig your nails into his back.

You open up wider, letting him grab your leg and rest it on his shoulder, and his arm braces itself around your waist, lifting you up so he can find your lips again, tongue catching all the sounds that fall out of you.

His hands roam all over you, like he can’t get enough of your body. Jisung’s sweat soaked bangs are messy as he throws his head back, thrusts getting sloppier and sloppier, and you know he’s close.

“Fuck,” he groans, rubbing tight circles on your clit, until you feel yourself snap, gushing around him. “Where can I–”

Your hand rests on his jaw, rubbing small circles into it, and you’re pushing him back, watching his eyes widen in shock as you lower, taking him in between your lips. Jisung makes a strangled noise when he feels himself hit the back of your throat, twitching once before spilling into you.

The two of you fall into each other, heavy breaths mingling, and Jisung buries his head into the crook of your neck. You feel him smile against you, and your own soft smile lights up your face, the both of you falling asleep holding each other.

It must be the middle of the night before you muster up the energy to move, cleaning yourself off and changing into a comfy shirt and sweatpants. Behind you, Jisung is still dozing off, his face even softer in sleep than it was awake, and you stroke his cheek.

Feeling bad, you slip out, deciding to make him a cup of coffee. There’s a pang in your heart when you realize that he has to leave after this, that the two of you made no promises to each other. Every muscle in your body is aching as you hunch over the boiling coffee pot, begging you to ask him to stay.

From the corner of your eye, you spot the pink vibrator sitting on the counter, still in its packaging, and you chuckle, realizing you’d never got a chance to put it away.

“I hope you’re not thinking of using that without me,” you jump in shock at Jisung’s voice, turning around to see him grinning at you, hair mussed and clothes rumpled.

“Oh god, Jisung, I’m so sorry, your job, I didn’t even realize,” panic sets in as you try to make an excuse, guilt filling your chest for dragging him into your heartbreak.

“___,” he comes up to you, wrapping you in a hug from behind, his head resting on your shoulder. “Believe me, I wouldn’t have stayed unless I wanted to. And I wanted to.”

“Really?” you breathe out, unable to believe he’s actually saying this. “Why?”

You can’t stop your voice from cracking, the doubt creeping in again when you thought about how things had been good with Minho, and yet they hadn’t lasted, believing that someway, somehow, it was your fault. That you hadn’t been enough.

Jisung chuckles into your neck, pressing a kiss onto your cheek.

“You’re so cute. I wanna be here for you, in whatever way you need. If that wasn’t evidence enough, I’m kinda into you.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

You feel your heart explode at his self-assuredness, finding comfort in his presence. When the morning came you knew he’d have to go, but maybe, just maybe, you’d let yourself be needy again. Especially when it worked out so well the last time.

a/n pt. 2: As always, any comments or feedback are much appreciated, but I appreciate you all anyway. Lots of love, Isi <3

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cyberpunkhwx · 10 months

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When they find your p*rn dash

❥Pairing: ateez hyung line x gn(fem?) Reader

❥ Genre: Suggestive

❥Warning: mention of porn, mention of future sexual actions, suggestive, comedy?(nah just me trying to be funny)

❥Word count:

❥Requested? No

Hongjoong:

"Babe! Can I borrow your laptop? I forgot mine at the dorm" Said your boyfriend in the livingroom. You were in the kitchen, making the dinner while Joong was continuing his work from home.

You let out a hum, trusting your boyfriend with your belonging, not minding it at all.

He took it as a green light as he muttered a "Thank you" as he opened your laptop.

As he settled everything down, he found a weird looking tab open. Maybe it was important? He decided to let it be and just open a new tap bit curiosity took better of him.

But the random moaning sound that came put of the tab catching you both off guard, making you come running to your bf.

"Y/N!! IS THAT WHAT YOU WERE WATCHING YESTERDAY AND TOLD ME ITS JUST ANOTHER ROM-COM MOVIE?"

"MAYBE!"

Silence. No one said a word until he took a deep breath and started again.

"You know we could actually give that position a try you kno- KIM HONGJOONG!- JUST AN IDEA OKAY!!

Ddeonghwa:

It didn't take him long to snap at how "messy" your apartment was. Well, to you, it's pretty normal but your bf definitely disagreed.

"Move your feet y/n"

"agh"

"Don't 'agh' me young lady, I'm here doing you a favour"

"And I'm realllllllyyyyyyy thankful to you babe, I love my responsible boyfriend sooo much"

"T-thanks babe- Wait, Y/L/N Y/N you know this ain't my responsibility right?"

"Yeah yeah sorry my bad"

He huffed, not really pleased with your answer but kept on his work.

"Babe, you gotta update your shopping list"

"My phone is there" you said pointing at your desk with your toes.

"Are you that lazy y/n? C'mon get up" He said going toward your phone. Entering your password and going to find your Note app.

Only to have his eyes blessed with the playing video of a video screaming her lungs out, as she's being pounded like no tomorrow

You suddenly jump out of the bed toward him and try to snach the phone out of his hands.

But as the little shit he is, he held it above your head. Using his height to keep you on your toes as the video is still being played.

"What? Were you watching it yourself at some point? Let's check it together, huh?"

He let out another loud laugh as he heard you whining in his chest.

"We gonna do alot with this video, baby"

Yuyu:

He hasn't been the same since he opened your phone and saw your twitter bookmarks.

Like he knew you can find everything on the bird app but y/n, HIS Y/N?

"Here I thought I've been planning to wife up a cutie not knowing how filthy they were"

He thought to himself smirking as he got up from his position on the chair. Making his way to your shared room. Where you were laying cluelessly.

"Hi sweetheart, how are you?" He said basically jumping on you, easily towering on you body with his.

"A little bird told me you liked it when I use advantage of my giant self" He said as he slipped his hands to your face.

"Wha-who-w-why would you ever think like that?" You argued, clearly not ready for him to find out this way.

"Deny all you want love, I won't keep you from the endless pleasure I can give you, now that... I know" He whispered the last part as he grinned beside your ear.

Yeosang:

"I never knew you were into Hard-core Bdsm gets fucked on the wal -" you snached the phone out of his hands before he kept reading the title of the tab you left open before using the bathroom.

"How much of that did you see?!" You said Panicked of your boyfriend seeing the kinky side of you.

You always tried to keep ot vanilla. Slow and gentle kissed. Nothing like what your boyfriends eyes just witnessed.

"Enough" He said smiling to himself.

"Is this why you insisted on having empty walls in almost every room? I could do that if you want to, you I do!" He said flexing his arms as he still gave you his goofy smile.

"Emm- ohhh guess what my mom just called and I gotta- it's fine I wasn't planning on doing anything now- Oh... that's- Cuz I'm gonna devour you whole tonight Babe. Wear the lacy once, those you keep under your socks"

He said now taking his own phone and leaving you to "call your mom".

A/n: lemme know how it was!

Requests: Open

Masterlist

#ateez fluff #ateez smut #ateez jongho #ateez reaction #ateez scenarios #mingi #mingi ateez #song mingi #ateez hongjoong #ateez san #ateez reaction fluff #ateez reactions #ateez x y/n #ateez wooyoung #ateez yunho #ateez imagines #kpop reactions #ateez ff #ateez x reader

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gyupremacy · 1 year

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Now & Forever | ksy.

↳ Pairing: kwon soonyoung x fem!reader

↳ Genre: smut, fluff, established relationship

↳ Au(s): non-idol!AU, slice of life

↳ Word Count: 2.1k

↳ Rating: 18+

↳ Warning(s): cursing, fondling, fingering (f. receiving), oral (f. receiving), hoshi being an absolute tease 💀, dom!hoshi, sub!reader

↳ Summary: Multiple surprises are in store for your first Valentine's Day with Soonyoung. Let's just say, you can't wait for the next ones ahead!

↳ a/n: This piece was created for @temptaetions for a Valentine's Day fic exchange. I hope you like it, Emme! I would also like to thank @here4btsfics and @yoongimingyu for letting me bounce ideas off them. Another shout-out goes to @playmetheclassics for creating this amazing banner and looking over it!

P.S. If anyone knows the Dwayne Johnson movie that's referenced, I love you ❤️😅

╔══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ══╗

Soft caresses along your body and a hint of sunlight were all required to get you up this morning - that and it being Valentine's Day.

You never had much reason to celebrate all these years until you met the very man who was caressing your back: your boyfriend, Soonyoung.

You were together for over a year, and every month spent with him was amazing.

Three months ago, you moved in with him, and everything felt just right. He took care of you when you were sick, made breakfast in bed when it was that time of the month and you were having bad cramps, but most importantly, he took the time to show how special you are to him.

"Good morning, tigress!" Soonyoung proclaimed, letting his thumb move to stroke your cheek.

"Happy Valentine's Day!"

You let out a small yawn and giggle before responding.

"Happy Valentine's Day, baby!" you rasped out.

"How did you sleep?" he asked.

"Well… I had this dream, and you couldn’t keep your hands off me," you felt him twitch at your words.

"Really? What else was I doing?" Soonyoung, intrigued by your words, pressed further.

He knew what he was doing. Anytime you felt needy, he'd goad you until you were putty in his hands. He was insatiable that way.

"To start, you had your hands on my thighs. Then, you began squeezing them–" you gasped slightly as Soonyoung’s hand moved to mimic your words.

"Like this?" He questioned.

"Not too rough, but enough that it felt… magical," you sighed with your eyes closed, moving to sit up with your back against his chest.

"Don’t worry, Y/N. I'll take care of you."

Soonyoung massaged circles around the flesh, watching as you moaned for him. He carefully pulled away when you thought it would lead to something more.

"Why did you stop?" you looked back with a slight pout.

"No reason. I just want to savor the moment a little longer," Soonyoung smiled.

He held you in his arms, pressing feather-light kisses on your shoulder and neck. The pure action alone sent you into a daze.

You turned around, so you were laying on top of him and trailing your fingers across his chest.

"So… I was thinking, since it's Valentine's Day and all, maybe we should do something," you suggested.

"I thought we should keep it simple. We've only been together for a year, and having this big celebration would mean a lot," Soonyoung proposed.

You were taken aback, considering your boyfriend was one for a good "mushy gushy", "lovey-dovey", cliché romantic gesture. He asked to be your boyfriend during a picnic underneath the stars after all.

"That's a good point, Soon. I think it's best if we start small and build on from that," you suggested.

"Otherwise, we would end up sick of all the grand displays of affection. Plus, we already had our anniversary, which was amazing.."

"See? I knew you would understand, Y/N!" Soonyoung quipped, kissing your cheek as he walked out of the bedroom.

Soonyoung was staring aimlessly at the screen, watching as Dwayne Johnson's character is welcomed to soap suds all over his bathroom.

"Haha! Classic!" he pointed and laughed, and you began to feel a knot in the pit of your stomach.

Even though you mutually agreed to keep it simple for your first Valentine's Day together… IT WAS YOUR FIRST VALENTINE'S DAY!

You wanted to pull out all the stops. Which is why you're currently biting the bottom of your lip as you watch your boyfriend get up from his place.

You had bought a *little* surprise that you knew he would certainly get the most out of it, hidden away in the closet. Engaged, seeing the former professional wrestler turned actor chase after his pet bulldog on the big screen provided a much-needed distraction.

There was another special gift you had tucked away in your bedroom drawer, waiting to be presented to him. It might not be the first thing that comes to mind when you think "romantic", but you knew that Soonyoung would find it special nonetheless.

More time seemed to pass by as your boyfriend was in the bedroom for what was now 20 minutes. He wouldn't say he wanted to spend time together only to get up and leave, right?

"Soonyoung! Are you alright in there?" you wondered.

"Y/N, don't worry about it! Everything's fine!" he half-yelled.

You heard some noises behind the wooden sliding doors, almost as if he was in a hurry to get things in order.

Curiosity got the better of you, and you walked towards it, anticipating what might be on the other side. You turned the knob to see Soonyoung dressed to the nines in a gray suit, an orange and black tie, and dress shoes.

His black hair was styled magnificently, and he had the brightest smile adorning his handsome face.

"Happy Valentine's Day, gorgeous!" he took your hand in his, bringing you both further in the decorated bedroom.

The lights were dim, except for the attery operated candles, along with rose petals littered across the floor and bed.

The petals on the bed were placed in the shape of a heart, the sight nearly brought you to tears.

"Honey, this means so much to me!" you gushed, eyes blurry from the thoughtfulness and pure adoration you felt.

"Thank you!"

The tears of joy threatening to spill a moment ago, were finally trailing down your face after embracing your boyfriend. Seeing you overcome with emotions, he brings his thumb up to wipe them away.

"You're welcome! You deserve everything and more," Soonyoung reassured, bringing your lips to his.

"I really couldn't keep the surprise a secret for so long. The florist came while we were watching the movie, and I couldn't let the plan unfold yet," he chuckled.

"Now, I feel like my gift will pale compared to all of this," you joked, walking over to the dresser drawer and pulling out the parchment paper.

You handed the paper to Soonyoung, who looked at it with wonder.

"What is it?" he questioned.

"Remember when we went to the zoo, and the guide talked about the tigers? Knowing how much you love them, I made a donation in your name to a sanctuary for tigers!" Soonyoung’s eyes lit up in joy at your words.

"This is so thoughtful, Y/N! It means a lot, and it's for a good cause, too!" you smiled in agreement, with him going in for a hug.

The moment was tender, watching him beam with joy like a child on Christmas opening his gifts. Soonyoung got up and kneeled to reach underneath the bed to pull out a shopping bag and shoe box.

"There's one more surprise, and I think it will take your breath away," Soonyoung smirked, letting you reach into the bag.

To your amazement, your fingers grazed a pink Versace dress styled like a corset, and you knew your boyfriend had spent considerable money on it. Next, you opened the shoebox to see nude colored Louboutins.

"Soon! You shouldn't have!" you were so in awe you hadn't seen that your boyfriend had moved behind you to softly massage your shoulders.

"I said I’d take care of you. Did you think I wouldn’t follow through on that?” Soonyoung brought his voice to a whisper, mere inches away from your ear.

"I have reservations for the both of us tonight and thought you would look stunning in this," he took his hands from your shoulders.

"Thank you, baby! I mean it!" you bit your lip wanting nothing more than to put the outfit on.

Soonyoung left the room, allowing you to quickly get the bag with your "gift" in it. You went into the bathroom, taking your clothes off carefully.

The gift, lingerie you had ordered online two weeks ago, accentuated your body well. The dress looked great on you, too. Finally, putting the signature red bottom shoes on, you felt on top of the world.

You walked out of the bedroom, now seeing your boyfriend's turn to be in awe at your appearance.

"My… baby, you look…" Soonyoung fumbled as his mouth hung open, unable to form a coherent sentence.

"Come on, Soon! We have dinner to get to," you smiled, taking his hand in yours to leave out the door.

The dinner was planned perfectly, from the venue to the music and, most importantly, the food. The steak nearly melted in your mouth when your boyfriend fed it to you in pieces.

The only thing you didn't anticipate was Soonyoung's lack of physical touch throughout the evening. You would place your hand on his, but he'd politely move it to the side. Next, you would play footsies under the table with him, but he would inch away from your leg. Finally, when you were finished with the meal and headed to the car, you would always place a hand on his thigh while he drove… except he maneuvered your hand to your lap.

It made you crave more as you walked into the house, resisting the urge to pounce on him. He must have sensed your desire as he grabbed your waist, roughly attaching his lips to your neck.

"Oh, someone finally wants some attention," you mewled.

"I always want attention from you, baby. Just don't act like a little brat first if you want your way," Soonyoung snickered darkly.

That's when he first attacked your lips with his, sending your back flat on the couch cushion. His hands were as eager as his mouth and tongue already proved to be. Sex with Soonyoung was always passionate, with sprinkles of love and adoration laced throughout.

"Take me to the bedroom," you moaned.

He took your hand and brought you towards the bed, letting you settle comfortably on top of the plush comforter and rose petals. He took no time loosening his tie, discarding it on the floor without thought. You can see how hard he was through his pants as he took the jacket off and unbuttoned the shirt.

"Wait!" you interjected.

"Yes, Y/N?" Soonyoung asked.

"Before you continue, there's another surprise that I have for you underneath this gorgeous dress you bought me," you carefully brought the straps of your dress down your shoulder, pulling it down to reveal the lingerie you had on all night.

The black number and the silhouette of tigers on the cups of the bra, while the underwear included two more, who were conveniently positioned as if they were stalking towards that special area that your boyfriend found pleasure in.

"Oh fuck! You are so sexy, angel!" Soonyoung praised.

"Less talking, more fucking, Tiger Man!" you signaled the "come here" motion with your finger for him to continue your intense activity.

Soonyoung's hand crept on top of your chest, gently squeezing the mound in his hand as he kissed you. He gently grabbed your shoulders to have you lying flat on the bed while he continued exploring your body.

His hands felt like heaven on your skin, moving to spread your thighs open to access his desired area. His fingers ghosted over your underwear before sliding them to the side and licking a tantalizing stripe over your lower lips.

"That's so good! More!" you breathed out.

Soonyoung heard your pleas but wanted to hear you explicitly say what you needed. He continued lapping you up until he let up to respond.

"Use your words, baby! Remember? Tell me what you want!" he smiled so devilishly.

"F-Fingers! I want your fingers inside of me!" you cried out, with your head leaning back against the pillow.

He shook his head in agreement, bringing his middle finger to swirl around your bundle of nerves and then sinking his finger inside of you.

"You like that, huh? You like being a dirty girl for me? Making me tell you to work for your pleasure?" Soonyoung teased, chuckling, and then bringing his lips back to your body and his finger continuing its motion inside you.

"Yes, Soon! I love it when you make me beg!" your chest heaved with each thrust of his hand and mouth in tandem.

The hand that wasn't currently on your body found its way down to his boxers as he palmed his member within the confines of the cotton seams. Soonyoung started diving his tongue inside and out of you like no tomorrow, leaving you writhing.

"You're almost there, baby! Come for me!" Soonyoung groaned.

"Oh shit! I'm so close!" you moaned, bringing a head to your mouth to muffle the noise.

A few more movements of his tongue and fingers caused your body to shake and your release to happen. You try to catch your breath when you see a familiar glint in your boyfriend's eyes.

"Don’t worry, baby! We're just getting started!"

╚══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ══╝

#wkcnet #kvanity #kwon soonyoung smut #kwon soonyoung fluff #kwon soonyoung imagines #hoshi smut #hoshi fluff #hoshi imagines #seventeen smut #seventeen fluff #seventeen imagines #gyupremacy

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those-crybaby-tears · 6 months

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𝐵𝐿𝑂𝐺 𝑅𝑈𝐿𝐸𝑆!

𝗣𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡 𝗢𝗙 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗪𝗥𝗜𝗧𝗘𝗥

★ Howdy! I'm Emm and I'm the writer of this blog, I use all pronouns and I'm 16. I wanted to start this blog because I find a particular interest in writing. I hope my writing skills are satisfactory for all of you (≧▽≦)

★ I initially planned to write only for the Creepypasta fandom, however I also accept requests from the Hazbin Hotel, Helluva Boss, SCP, Underverse and Undertale + AUs fandoms!!

★ Writing for me is a pastime and, since I'm still in school, I won't be able to publish with any specific consistency ๐·°(৹˃̵﹏˂̵৹)°·๐

★ Of course, I will try to write everything as soon as possible!

𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗖𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗦 𝗜 𝗪𝗥𝗜𝗧𝗘/𝗜 𝗗𝗢𝗡𝗧 𝗪𝗥𝗜𝗧𝗘 𝗙𝗢𝗥

★ As for Helluva Boss, SCP, Underverse and Undertale + AUs characters I will write for any of them, the only exceptions concern some Hazbin Hotel and Creepypasta characters.

★ Regarding Hazbin Hotel I would prefer to avoid any kind of request regarding Valentino and the rape issue.

★ I know that Valentino is a bad character, since he is a sinner, however I don't feel comfortable and I don't think it's right to write about rape with such "lightness" if I can define it that way.

★ This doesn't mean I won't write for Valentino, I think it's unfair to put his character aside simply because of this. Obviously what he does is horrible but he's just as bad as, for example, Rosie.

★ Regarding Creepypasta I would like to avoid writing for: S. Offenderman and Dr. Smiley.

★ As for S. Offenderman: it's the same motivation I gave for Valentino. This means I will still write for him but I'll avoid anything rape related.

★ For Dr. Smiley the reason seems obvious to me.

𝗪𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗦𝗜𝗧𝗨𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦/𝗥𝗘𝗤𝗨𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗦 𝗜 𝗪𝗜𝗟𝗟 𝗔𝗖𝗖𝗘𝗣𝗧/𝗪𝗥𝗜𝗧𝗘

★ headcanons;

★ prompts;

★ fanfictions;

★ friendship relationships;

★ romantic relationships;

★ gore;

★ angst;

★ character x reader.

𝗪𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗦𝗜𝗧𝗨𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦/𝗥𝗘𝗤𝗨𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗦 𝗜 𝗪𝗢𝗡𝗧 𝗔𝗖𝗖𝗘𝗣𝗧/𝗪𝗥𝗜𝗧𝗘

★ rape;

★ incest;

★ pedophilia;

★ zoophilia;

★ anything that goes against minorities;

★ character x character;

★ NSFW (temporarily).

𝗕𝗘𝗡 𝗗𝗥𝗢𝗪𝗡𝗘𝗗

★ I felt obliged to make a small aside for the character of 'BEN DROWNED' since I know that in the fandom there are conflicting ideas about his character.

★ I have a slightly particular vision of 'BEN'.

★ In fact, there are 3 characters who have this name: Ben, Benjamin and B.E.N.

★ I will write headcanons for them later, however I wanted to specify their ages.

★ Ben is an adult, around 22 years old.

★ Benjamin is a young teen, around 12 years old.

★ B.E.N have no age, yet they take the form of a young teen.

𝑇𝐻𝐴𝑁𝐾𝑆 𝐹𝑂𝑅 𝑌𝑂𝑈𝑅 𝐴𝑇𝑇𝐸𝑁𝑇𝐼𝑂𝑁!

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writingwithcolor · 2 years

Note

I have a story about a girl whose mom sometimes turns into wolves, as a metaphor for depressive episodes. They're a Chinese-American family, and in research I found info about wolves in China symbolizing greed & lust, but I haven't found much other detail. I picked wolves because to me they symbolize aggression & protection, but I don't want to inadvertently code her as a bad person for her mental illness. Do you think this is a harmful symbolism that I should avoid, or could address in story?

Chinese shapeshifter, wolves and symbolism for depression - does it clash for the Chinese symbolism?

Chinese Wolf Shapeshifter

From a Chinese perspective, we have many traditional stories about wolves taking advantage of the benevolence and naivety of others. I’m not aware of any stories with wolves painted as protective figures; but I’m sure that there are some recent manhuas or C-dramas out there that do!

As for the symbolism for depression- it’ll come down to how you’re going about executing this concept. I personally like the idea of characterizing the mother as someone who aims to protect her child the best she can, but that objective being made difficult by struggles outside of her control. It’s a relatable story for many who are living in traditionally Confucianist and/or Chinese households, and one that I’m sure could be depicted respectfully through soliciting feedback from folks with depression as you write.

I personally do not take any issue with this “clash” between traditional Chinese views on wolves and the story you’re trying to write. Of course, everyone won’t share this same perspective.

~ Mod Emme

I mainly concur with Emme; but I do want to note that there are cdramas where animals that have been coded as “bad” in Chinese culture are depicted as protagonists, like Eternal Love, which has a nine-tailed fox as a heroine (fox spirits are usually considered evil), or the Legend of White Snake, which originally was meant to be a horror story, but is now known more as a romance between a snake spirit and a human.

There was even a cdrama I saw where humans and demons were allies, and the demons weren’t necessarily coded as bad–the main one, in fact, had very heroic, noble qualities.

–mod Jess

Mental Health and Chinese Families

With regards to depicting mental health in Chinese-American families, you could definitely avoid harmful representation with the proper research and solicited feedback. Despite Chinese-Americans being underrepresented in mental health research, here are a handful of studies I’ve found which you may be able to reference:

Help-Seeking Behaviors among Chinese Americans with Depressive Symptoms (2012)

Depressive Symptoms Among Older Chinese Americans: Examining the Role of Acculturation and Family Dynamics (2016)

Some other things to take into consideration may be generational depression - my maternal family is Hoa Vietnamese (of Hokkien descent) and mental health issues (anxiety and depression) run in our family. Generational trauma related to humanitarian conflicts (the Chinese Civil War, the Great Leap Forward, the White Terror for Chinese-Taiwanese people, impoverishment following migration) is prevalent, too.

Feedback from Chinese-American readers is appreciated, especially those with depression.

~ Mod Emme

#illiterate-words #Chinese #Chinese women #werewolves #supernatural beings #Chinese culture #Symbolism #depression #shapeshifters #animal symbolism #asks

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sheyshen · 3 months

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ok finished the 6.55 stuff. so vague thoughts some spoilers ahead:

MSQ: -I love wuk lamat already and i'm for sure curious how things will go for dawntrail, though i am not about raya possibly having to go against thancred oh no. -only complaint that i had was raha's voice acting felt off, like he was distracted while recording and wasn't "in character" all the time (voice was too low in spots and delivery felt wrong for the situation and animation, and a few times it felt like it was the first time he was reading the lines) -did i mention i love wuk? because i do.

Hildi: -UFO UFO UFO -no notes, it felt like a hildi chain and i'd been hoping i'd get the UFO as a mount since it first showed up -Asura trial was interesting, went in blind so sorry to my group i was learning on the fly (tho i mean it's day 2 we all are)

Island sanctuary: -JULLUSSSSSS!!! -he was such a cutie and so bad at taking a break i loved the whole quest so much -especially the bit that it sounded like emm and sicard had been planning on how to smuggle him outta garlemald since they visited -only disappointing this was he was the last! ahhhh i wish we could invite npcs to visit, doesn't have to be anything involved just to let them be there on the island for a bit. -thanks for the HQ cheese -also, i dig whatever vibe jullus and manius had going. and was nice to have a mention of the little quest with alpha and omega

Allied Tribal quest: -I loved it, the race was so much fun and i'm glad we get to keep the trophy as a deco. and the dance is so fun (though rip the WoL's knees) -will need to have a whole lineup of people doing the dance sometime, it'd look great if we can time it right -only one singular complaint -where. was. nhaza'a???? they mention him on the radio after the quest is over but he didn't show up at all and i'm disappointed. -btw the radio has like four or five different 'news' blurbs it cycles through if you click on it.

Tataru's Grand Endeavor wrap up: -oh man made me tear up -and the flashback ahhhhh -I really loved getting to see everyone from the sharlayan deliveries for it, though it does make me curios if those aren't finished will you only get the ones that you have? or different comments? -editting on: I like that there's a comment that the people who helped restore/create the necklace for tataru checked in to see if she liked it but i kinda wished we could've gotten a comment from them if we visited them (hancock still says his "i don't want to see you in an early grave" lines for the post variant dungeon and gaius still has his comments about working with the resistance and getting werlyt on it's feet so i assume leofard's are also the same too) might be too much to request but woulda been nice touch lol

all in all i loved so much of it and makes me look forward to what's planned going forward! next is wow, though i have been digging through cutscenes so i have an idea of what happens but i wanna play through it myself >:3

#xiv spoilers #6.55 spoilers

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emmedoesntdomath · 3 months

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showing us from the start- from the very fucking beginning- that hermes KNOWS that he’s a shit father, KNOWS that he fucked up with luke, KNOWS that none of it is fair- is goddamn cruel, and the writers fucking know it.

because here’s the thing, right? hermes knows all of this shit, acknowledges that it isn’t fair, even says that the other gods know it isn’t fair- and yet they all dismiss it because that’s parenting. they know they’ve royally screwed the system, oh yes, but that’s just life, you know? what can you do? they’re all-powerful beings- but feelings and mortals are hard, bro, and no matter how hard you try, you can’t make them see things the way you see them. hermes made a mistake, a HUGE one, and when confronted, he offers nothing but excuses. because that’s what the gods are. immortal, unbreakable beings, who, in their moment of failure, ignore it.

that’s not a casual character flaw, that’s rick waving a red flag under our noses and calling it a mild foretelling.

and you know what the real kicker is?

hermes told percy and annabeth this because he thought they were going to forget. he couldn’t even own up to his own actions under anything but false pretenses.

the gods, people.

#percy jackson #pjo hoo toa #pjo fandom #pjo series #percy pjo #percy and annabeth #hermes #hermes pjo #walker scobell #lmm #lin manuel miranda #pjo tv show #pjo spoilers #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson spoilers #emme’s bad ideas

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caffedrine · 1 year

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Keith Howell - Chapter 21 Romantic - Summary

I pretty much have no idea what I’m doing. I don’t trust me, and you shouldn’t either. This summary is not guaranteed to be accurate, it’s mostly written for myself to follow along with the route.

Emma wakes up in a room she’s never seen before. She vaguely remembers trying to find Keith in his room, but it never looked like this. Going through her memories, she remembers going to Keith’s room, before she was grabbed and went unconscious. She realizes that she’s been kidnapped and transported to an unknown place.

Why was she kidnapped? Because she’s Belle?

Looking around the room, Emma doesn’t see anyone else in it. She’s not restrained either, so she decides to use this opportunity to escape.

Unfortunately, the door is locked from the outside. Changing tactics, Emma runs over to the window, only to find that she was so high up from the ground. Even if she stripped the bed and everything else of its linens, she would never be able to make a rope long enough to reach the ground. The lack of restraint isn’t an oversight, it’s that her kidnappers know that she has no chance of escape.

Emma’s hands tremble, and she wonders what she should do next. However, the sound of footsteps outside the door interrupts her thoughts. She retreats to a corner in the room, waiting for the inevitable.

The door bursts open and admits Rio to Sariel’s office. He reports to Sariel and Leon that Emma is nowhere to be found. Sariel has a bad feeling about this; even if they deploy every knight and servant in the castle to search for Emma, he doubts she will be found.

Leon asks if there’s something wrong with the castle security, and Sariel admits to looking into it. It would be a big deal for any member of the court to be kidnapped in the middle of the day, right inside the castle.

Rio asks if they think it’s related to Emma’s carriage attack incident when she was with Keith. Leon admits that he doesn’t know enough to say yes or no to that question, the perpetrators of that incident had committed mass suicide. Then again, there was something Keith had said that still bothered Leon; when Keith had told him that the reasons people would have to attack him are as numerous as the pebbles by the roadside. He asks Rio to look into Jade.

Just as Rio is about to leave, the door swings open to admit Keith himself. He apologizes for interrupting them and asks if Emma is missing. He had a bad feeling; one of the messengers from Jade is missing. They had soiled their uniform and ‘borrowed’ a Rhodolite servant’s uniform while they waited for their normal clothes to be laundered, just a few hours ago.

Rio surmises that the missing messenger masqueraded as a Rhodolite servant, kidnapped Emma, and smuggled her out disguised as luggage. Of course, Rio now has to kill that man.

(No one disagrees with this)

Leon asks why Jade forces would target Emma in particular. Keith points out that they already mostly know the reason. Jade plans on using Emma as a hostage to ensure Keith’s cooperation during the trial.

The King of Jade’s younger brother, Fernand, has always been looking for a way to get rid of Keith. The failure prince is a wall preventing him from being crowned as King of Jade.

Meanwhile, Fernand has taken a comfortable seat and is currently griping to Emma on how he will never become king, not as long as the failure stands in his way. The worst part is, Keith is a genuine failure as a prince who will botch everything; meanwhile, Fernand, who has been toiling for the country, deserves the throne way more.

Emma recalls a conversation she recently had with Keith. He had told her that his father had suspected him of murdering his younger brother, but Keith’s investigation led to circumstantial evidence that it was Fernand, the man before her, who had masterminded the plot.

Emma considers this, standing on guard as far away from Fernand as the room would allow her. However, it is quickly becoming unbearable for her to listen to the slander against Keith.

Headless of Emma, Fernand continues. His achievements and reputation are way better than Keith’s, but the King of Jade refuses to name him as the successor. Even though the King of Jade himself has called Keith a failure, he has named Keith his successor by reason of bloodline alone. Fernand asks Emma if she agrees the King of Jade is absolutely unreasonable for letting this mistake of a human ascend the throne.

Emma asks what Fernand means by ‘mistake of a human’. Everyone has a right to live, there is nothing wrong with being born.

Thanks to Fernand’s prolonged rant, Emma has a decent grasp of the situation. The reason she was kidnapped was to control Keith. Just as she thought, he had not attempted to kill his own father, so now Fernand needs her to ensure the trial goes the way he wants it to. Sariel was right, Fernand is attempting to ursurp the throne by framing Keith.

Emma tells Fernand that unlike him, Keith has the qualities to become a good king. Fernand is somewhat amused and asks her to elaborate.

What a king needs is generosity, decisiveness, and determination. He also needs to be flexible, and willing to listen to people from all walks of life. Someone who wants to improve the well-being and lives of those around him. Keith would be a great king.

Yeah, all that time spent with Keith helped Emma come to her decision as Belle on who the Rhodolite King should be.

Emma goes on to explain that maybe the King of Jade saw and recognized those qualities in Keith as well, which is why he continues to have Keith as his heir. Maybe the king is not taking bloodlines and traditional succession into account, and honestly thinks that Keith would be a great king.

This upsets Fernand, and he kicks over the table, standing up. He approaches Emma and roughly knocks her to the floor. Standing over her, he grabs her hair to haul her back up. It appears he has to ‘educate’ Emma until she can understand that Fernand is the one who is worthy of becoming king.

Back in Rhodolite, Keith has an unusually angry and helpless expression, the likes of which few people have seen. He tells Liam that this whole situation is his fault, because of him, Emma . . . If she is hurt . . .

He’s going to kill Fernand.

Keith’s butler Liam, who is patiently waiting in the room, ignoring the bloodlust emanating from Keith and tries to calm him down. It’s Dill, flapping frantically in the birdcage that makes Keith take a deep breath and calm himself down. He apologizes to Liam and Dill.

Liam assures him that he understands how Keith feels, but Keith tells him he’s wrong. This isn’t a joke. Liam assures him that he’ll clean up any mess Keith leaves behind. He gets a weak smile from Keith in return.

Keith summarizes the remainder of the meeting he had with Sariel and Leon. He will work with Rhodolite to ensure Emma’s safe return. Unfortunately, Keith can’t go running off on his own; if the suspect of the King of Jade’s assassination were to suddenly go missing after Rhodolite was notified, it would cause an international incident between the countries.

But things would be different if Keith was handed over to the Jade messengers and escaped after crossing the border. Liam asks if Keith already knows where Emma is.

She’s probably already in Jade by now. The border checkpoints wouldn’t check the baggage belonging to a royal messenger and sealed with the Jade Royal Family’s coat of arms. Not far from the nearest border checkpoint is a mansion owned by one of Fernand’s most fervent supporters. He imagines Emma would be held there.

Liam prepares to go ahead to handle it, but Keith stops him. There’s another task he needs Liam to handle. Liam’s eyes widen at the orders, but his expression quickly returns to normal, and he praises Keith for his unusually bold decisions. Keith thanks him; neither of them can afford to fail.

After Liam leaves, the only sound in the room is the fluttering of Dill’s wings. Keith turns to the mirror and looks at his reflections. He asks if he feels the same way. He wants to help Emma, but this time . . . he needs help. They need to talk.

In Jade, just as Fernand raises his hand, someone interrupts Fernand, begging him to stop. Emma is surprised, she didn’t even notice the man enter the room. However, she recognizes him; during Sonia’s party, so many nobles looked upset and disgusted with Keith. This one, however, had left the moment he saw Keith. Since he’s here, she guesses he must be one of Fernand’s supporters. But why would he stop Fernand and protect her?

The man continues; if Fernand were to beat Emma, there is a high chance she would die, like what happened last time with the servant. And they can’t exactly use her corpse as a hostage to ensure Keith’s cooperation.

Fernand agrees, he hadn’t thought that he had beaten the servant hard enough to kill him, but he had still died all the same. Though it was probably for the best he died, he would have had a miserable life if he had survived Fernand. Emma almost groans, with Fernand as the King, Jade would have a grim future.

Fernand decides it’s fine to not beat Emma to death. He’ll just keep her around as insurance. Though she is somewhat pretty, he doesn’t mind keeping her as his mistress as well. She has some interesting reactions, he’s certain it would be worth it.

Emma wonders how this man and Keith came from the same family. She must have been showing what she was thinking on her face; Fernand violently shoved her away.

Fernand notes that by now, the failure must have reached the border. He asks if the man has received a report.

It’s a very strange report. Upon crossing the border, Keith escaped his escort and went missing. Fernand complains that Keith looks like he’s struggling to decide what to do. The more he delays, the worse Emma’s health will be. Does he not have enough of a brain to understand that?

Fernand orders for more soldiers to be dispatched to find the escaped prince. He doesn’t necessarily need Keith to be alive.

Apparently losing interest in Emma, Fernand, and the man leave without looking back.

Emma takes into stock the new information. If Keith ran away, he must know that she’s been kidnapped and is trying to help her at risk to himself.

This is bad. The longer Emma stays here, the worse she will drag Keith down.

At the border between Rhodolite and Jade, Leon is apologizing for the situation they have found themselves in. He never imagined that Keith would escape and run away the moment they handed him over, coincidentally absolving Rhodolite of any wrongdoing.

The usually peaceful border crossing checkpoint is in turmoil. There had been extra security and guards since Rhodolite was handing over someone accused of assassinating the king. However, like a beast, after crossing the border Keith mowed down his escort and escaped into the forest.

Leon feels somewhat responsible for the situation and offers his and Licht’s services. Without waiting for a response, he and Licht cross the border, running towards the forest. The border guards protest, but Leon calls back that he has a crossing permit issued by the First Prince of Jade himself, so it’s all legal. They ignore the sounds of protest as they run.

Leon notes that the forest is interesting, just like Keith had warned them, there were dangerous ‘beasts’ roaming it. Licht asks if this is the reason he was brought along.

Leon comes to a stop, pulling out a dagger and throwing it into the shade of a nearby bush. It hits its mark and someone hiding in the shrubbery falls out groaning in pain. At a glance, the man was dressed to look like a bandit. An arrow is slashed out of the air by Leon.

Licht notes that even as private security goes, this is a bit much. Leon imagines that this was a backup plan if Keith were to escape. It certainly is risky of them to poke their noses into the internal affairs of another country. Leon thanks Licht for helping him and tells him that this isn’t an excuse to get hurt. After a long silence from Licht, Leon prompts him to reply. Licht finally agrees.

Meanwhile, the ‘beasts’ hiding in the forest were also pointing their fangs at Keith. He laments that his uncle is serious as he swings his sword, timing it to hit two ‘beasts’ at the same time. No one noticed or cared that the flowers were stained with blood, or that the air had a distinct iron smell.

(No one can stop him now)

Keith apologizes to the ‘beasts’ telling them to please get out of his way. He just can’t seem to hold back and stop himself from killing them.

#ikemen prince #ikepri #keith howell

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iturbide · 9 months

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Do you have thoughts on Chrom initially refusing to ask Plegia for help? On the one hand, I can kinda(?) understand the knee-jerk emotional reaction but on the other hand, most of Gangrel's army abandoned him because of Emmeryn, and he's dead now. (tho Chrom did change his mind pretty quick so who knows, maybe he did think of this) (but then because this is vidya gaem and Plegia is Da Bad Guys, we then meet Validar, who tried to kill Emm, get risen attacked, and more after the Valm war. :T)

There's a part of me that wants to think Chrom's refusal was at least an attempt to follow in Emm's footsteps and treat Plegia with compassion. Despite the fact that Gangrel was clearly forcing compliance from his people (something we hear directly from Mustafa before Gangrel's army deserts him on the battlefield), not to mention the whole unaddressed crusade and attempted genocide by the Exalt before Emmeryn, Plegia was forced to pay Ylisse and Regna Ferox both at the end of the war. They were absolutely taken advantage of in the aftermath of Gangrel's defeat, and Chrom may have balked at the idea of pressing them to fund and supply the resistance against Valm, because Emm likely would have.

The more likely answer, though, is prejudice. I love Chrom, but he's a product of his culture, and Ylisse is heavily biased against their western neighbor. He may not be as overt about it as Frederick is, but those prejudices are still there, and he may well have been balking at the idea of begging aid from Ylisse's historic enemies.

(And honestly, from a narrative standpoint, it's because Plegia is 100% coded as the Epitome of Evil and you're taking your life into your own hands if you go knocking at the devil's door. Chrom's got a kid now and no interest in risking his neck like that.)

#answered #anonymous #fire emblem: awakening #watsonian vs doylist explanations go #i do think it comes down to prejudice and plegian coding #i want to believe chrom is trying to do emm proud #it's just that the reaction is too instantaneous #emm's style of diplomacy doesn't come naturally to him #so his gut reaction being refusal probably speaks to his bias

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renneiscent · 2 years

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🧸

if u like to ofc 😅. and if possible, may i ask it to be abt Jake n mc?

Exes with feelings? Challenge accepted.

Warning: Lot of cuss words and messy writing. I have no idea what the hell I’m writing. I hope you enjoy.

Summary: Just two lost souls try to resolve their own dispute.

Pairing: Jake x MC

Words: 5464 (I know, I myself also surprised).

Red String of Fate.

“I know it’s late, but there are so many papers and I need to finish it before the end of this month.” I move my phone from my left ear to the right, trying to silently inhale all the oxygen I can take to remain me calm. I’m so exhausted because of my job and facing overprotective brother in the middle of the night doesn’t help at all. The man over there is taking a deep breath, frustrated I would say.

“Where are you right now? Are you in your area already?” he asks with concern.

“Almost there, Theo. Please bear it with me.” I sigh as I keep holding the phone. My brother always calls me every time I’m going home late. Thankfully, I have really nice brother who always look after me despite the fact he also has busy life because of his job. I feel bad for it, I swear; I keep convincing him that I will be fine and I can take care of myself really well but after everything that happened in the past, he never let me take a breath in peaceful.

“Alright, I will hang up until you get yourself inside your flat.”

I sigh and roll my eyes, but I don’t have courage to complain. “Okay.” I’m fastening my walk and even jogging every minute unlike before, to make myself arrive at my apartment faster so I don’t have to bother my brother any longer. I manage to go inside the building where my apartment is, while inside the elevator I’m still putting my phone on my ear and listening to someone humming over there. “What are you doing, Theo?”

“Making food for myself. You there already?” there is sound of chopping things, but I don’t know what it is.

“I’m in elevator, going up. Any special occasion?” I ask, sincerely curious. We may be talking really often but it’s all about Theo ask my condition and I don’t really have much time to check his. Because of this, some people questioning if I’m really his sister. But gladly Theo stood up for me, being the best brother he is. This is why I don’t need a man besides him.

“Planning to watch midnight movie.” He is still busy cooking something over there. “Still going up?”

Before I can answer him, the elevator door begins to open and now showing my floor. I immediately step off and walk to my door. But before I can manage to reach my apartment, I stop walking and only to find out there is a man passed out in front of my door. “Emm, Theo? I think I might have some problem here.”

“What do you mean by problem? You okay? What’s happening?” he starts to panic and ask me questions in one breath. “Answer me, MC!”

“Chill, there is just a man passed out in front of my door. I will take a look—”

“No fucking way! You stay away and call for help.” His voice is solid but it doesn’t scare me out. Whole of my attention already focused on the man in front of my door. Without Theo knowing, I’m already reaching the unknown man. His figure is familiar but I cannot see his face because he’s wincing and hugging his knees. I nudge him with my foot, this is rude I know, but there is no way I use my hand to touch him. What if he grabs me all of sudden? That man is moving and I’m able to see the glimpse of his face, I automatically step back from him. My jaw is clenching.

“Theo, I know this guy.” I say in painful whisper.

“Don’t tell me that man who passed out in front of your door is that man who fucking dump you couple years ago.” I cannot see Theo’s face but I’m sure his face is now reddening because boils with his anger.

“I cannot just leave him outside, you know.” I’m letting out long sigh; my eyes are watery all of sudden. “Theo, please.”

“My God, sis. What did he do until make you falling for him this deep? Just call me again until you two manage to get inside. If he’s touching you, I swear to God I will rent a hitman to hunt him down.”

I chuckle because of his response; there is my brother over there. “Even the FBI cannot catch him, how on earth this paid killer is capable to hunt him down?”

He escapes a long sigh before answering, “just be careful. Call me later.”

As soon as our phone call is ended, I put my phone inside my pocket. I then take my key from my purse and unlock my door and push the door to wide open so I can go inside while carrying him. Him; the man that manage to break my heart, the man that leave me behind and he doesn’t even bother to explain anything at all, the man that staying forever in my heart until every man in this world doesn’t even have the slightest chance to heal my wound.

“What are you doing here, Jake?” I sigh again while my eyes are staring at him, being pity; I wonder how many long sigh I can make today. I put one of his arms around my neck while holding his waist as I try to lift him up, helping him to go inside my apartment inch by inch.

His eyes are opening half and looking at me, I take a glance of him from the corner of my eyes; he is completely wasted. How many did he drink to be this drunk? I put him carefully on the couch in my living room and help him by taking off his shoes. I look at him for few seconds before moving to close my door but something hold my wrist so I stop and take a look at it. Jake is holding me while his eyes are still closing.

“I’m sorry, MC. I’m so sorry.” His voice is rough as if he has been crying for all day, I have no idea what’s happening with him but seeing him like this send sting to my heart. After he dumped me couple years ago and I still have zero hatred to this man.

“You need to rest,” I let go off his arm and roll over his body but he grabs my arm again and hug it tight. I feel guilty to let this go but I need to lock our—my apartment door before another drunken man coming to stay and make our own pyjama party. “Please go to sleep, Jake.” I say as I’m pulling off his hold around my arm.

“You hate me so much, you hate me so much…” he mutters while his body is writhing. I check him once again before walk to the door and lock it; I put his shoes to the shelf near the door, right next to my shoes.

While on my way to my own room, I’m looking at him deeply, questioning what kind of day he have been through till risk his safety like this. So many questions are popping out inside my brain like many tabs on computer and it makes my head hurt. I take one of blankets from my cupboard and bring it to him; cover him up so he doesn’t catch a cold.

After covering half of his body, he suddenly gets up but his eyes are still being shut. I frown, confuse with what to do, I never treat someone drunken before. “Jake?” I try to call him, my hand reach his shoulder and shake it gently.

“I love you, MC. I love you so fucking much until it crushes me inside.” He mumbles while sitting still there, making me scared to put him on the couch again. I have no idea if he’s still drunk and talking nonsense or he is really saying the truth. But I have heard something about when someone is drunk, they would tell everything to you. Well, it reminds me with Dan few years back then. How he told me he helped Thomas get a key to Hannah’s apartment.

“Jake, listen.” I massage my temples, “I would like to know what the hell is happening with you. But I think I will appreciate it more when you’re actually able to understand my answer. So please, go to sleep.” I talk to him as if he will remember it the next morning. Really, MC?

I push him gently so he can lie down back to the couch. Tonight feels like longer than ever. I’m supposed to have long sleep after finishing papers from my work but right now I’m being preoccupied by a man who dumped me couple years ago. This is going to be suck night ever. But funny enough, I’m not angry at all. It’s strange feeling inside me but I think I’m relieved to see him in front of me.

I lean on my back to the other couch across the couch that Jake’s laying on, I’m watching him who right now is sleeping peacefully. Somehow my mind is suddenly showing all the great times I ever had with him. How we always find a way to have quality time for both of us despite the fact Jake is always been on running. How he always protects and takes care of me. Every hug we have, every kiss we share, every touch, and every memory. Everything is suddenly coming back and without I’m aware, I begin to cry. I’m sobbing quietly, swallowing all the hurts so I don’t have to wake him up.

Until I’m crying myself to sleep.

I didn’t even realise I fell asleep if it’s not because of my phone is vibrating inside my pocket. I immediately take the phone because I know it’s from my brother. He must be panic since I didn’t call or even send quick message to him after letting Jake come in. “Hello?” I say in raspy voice, I stare at my attire and hate myself for not changing at all last night.

“You didn’t call me last night. What’s happening? You okay?”

“I’m sorry, I’m not even changing yet. I’m just too tired. Everything’s fine. I will call you back later, okay?” I plead to him because I don’t want to get morning lecture this early.

“Fine. But stay away from that bastard.”

There is warning from his voice but I don’t even bother with that. I rush myself to take a quick shower and change my outfit with something that cozier, but before jogging myself to my room, I’m glancing at Jake. He is still sleeping with the same position.

After cleaning myself, I walk to my open kitchen; trying to check if there’s something that can manage his hangover. But nothing, my fridge is empty because I forgot to buy my groceries after being too busy with my job. I check my phone and the time is showing 8 in the morning. This is Saturday, so the convenience store must be opening by now.

Without thinking twice, I take my wallet and my phone and begin to unlock my door. I have no idea why I’m being this caring to Jake. Have I forgotten how he has dumped me? Have I forgotten how I have been hurt by him and he didn’t even bother to check? How much I have been through because of him? But here I am, going back to my apartment with groceries and something to relieve his hangover. I keep cursing to myself because of this.

When I open my apartment door, I never expect what will happen next. But I expected everything else besides seeing how Jake is already holding his shoes and trying to leave from my apartment balcony right now which is not a really good view to begin with after I started being nice to him since last night.

“I…I just want to leave…I don’t want to bother you…” he stutters while his eyes are looking everywhere else besides my eyes.

“Come and wash yourself. I will cook something. You are totally wasted last night.” I say in flat tone, I come into my apartment and walk to my open kitchen; putting my groceries on the kitchen table. But Jake is still there. He is confused—or feeling guilty. I don’t know. “You don’t hear me?”

“MC, I…I can’t.”

“So, you want to leave? Sure. Showing up wasted in front of my door after years and now you leave just like that. That is so you, Jake. Farewell, then.” I’m not looking at him again but now focusing on my groceries, I don’t even know how to handle him anymore because I’m started feeling numb. I should just leave him passed out in front of my door last night.

There is long silence after that so I’m looking at him back, checking if he’s leaving or not. But no, Jake is still there. He is looking at me, I cannot read his expression. There are so many things he hides. I hate it. I hate him for ruining me. I hate myself for still having feelings.

I don’t really like the silence between us so I harshly inhale and exhale, I lean myself on the kitchen counter with folded arms over my chest; glaring at him as if I could kill him with just the stare on my eyes. “What do you want, Jake?”

“I don’t even know anymore.” He says quietly, his eyes are on me but I’m not sure if he’s really looking through me.

I put my arm on my nape and massage my tensed nape gently; I’m so frustrated with this whole situation. “Do me a favour and explain what’s happening last night.”

There is silence. I don’t like it.

“Let me do it again. Why the hell you show up, totally wasted, in the middle of the night, in front of my door, after years?” I push him to talk by giving many details.

But there is silence again. This time, I just don’t like it. I hate it. I lose my patience.

“You know what, I’m done. I’m so fucking done. If you cannot be a gentleman you are, and en-fucking-lighten me. Just leave. And never come back, you jerk.” I walk out from my kitchen and rush to my room but he’s stopping me by grabbing my wrist. “Don’t you dare to touch me!”

“I’m so sorry, please…let’s, let’s we have a talk.” He is still holding my wrist but how he sounds so fragile, it makes me cannot be mad any longer. I feel pity hearing he’s pleading like that. “But I’m not in good shape, would you…would you wait?” I frown.

“That’s why I told you to wash yourself but what did you tell me? You can’t?” I look at him from head to toe; he’s wearing something different from years ago. No hoodie but black t-shirt, no sweatpants but pair of jeans. And there is no mask him usually wearing. His hair still black as the raven but fluffy as the cotton, I want to sniff it. And his eyes, God, his eyes still remain the same. The deepest blue eyes I have ever seen and for the first time I saw it, I thought there will be an ocean wave if I started to look that for long. I hate that stare. I hate his eyes. I want to be drowning there.

“I know, I’m really sorry. I’m so fucked up. Let us meet again in the next one hour? I want to talk, I want to meet you.”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath; I cannot believe I will let him come into my life again. “Then go, let’s meet in the next hour here. I’m not in the mood to go somewhere else.”

He nods immediately; his eyes are widening full of hope like a lost puppy who finally found a home, if you can say that. “Thank you, I will be right back.” While bringing his shoes, he is jogging himself to my door and then putting his shoes on and leaving right away. I hate to admit but I’m looking forward to his explanation.

Spending the next hour waiting Jake, it’s not like I just put my hands on my lap and happily wait for him. I’m cooking for myself and cleaning my apartment like usual, I’m doing those exhausting things for my own accord. It’s not because of him, absolutely it isn’t. It is just things that I can finally to do whenever I finally at home after being married with my job.

While enjoying my cup of milk tea, suddenly someone is knocking my door. I don’t need to guess because it certainly is Jake. His punctuality irks me. I’m heading myself to the door and unlock it, take a look to the man in front of me before I’m letting him come inside. His outfit is weird. He is wearing white shirt with the sleeves folded in half of his arms. Apparently, he left one button on the top of his shirt unbuttoned, the navy jeans he is wearing making himself look so basic. This is not his usual outfit that he wore in the past; all black with the mask covered half of his face. This is too transparent for him.

But well to be honest, I prefer this one—not! Because I like it makes him more attractive. But it makes him look more human and decent. And with the face of him, his basic outfit just makes him looks more okay. Fine, he looks attractive. I hate his outfit. I hate him to makes me think he’s attractive. I think I will hate everything he will do today.

“Can I come in?” he says, his face looks worried as if I will change my mind. Hell, I suppose to do that but I didn’t. I harshly inhale and exhale before opening the door wider and giving a sign to him with my head to come.

Couple years ago he’s leaving me behind. This man in front of me who promise to protect and cherish me, this man in front of me that as he claimed he loves and cares deeply about me more than anything, this man in front of me—the liar. This liar who left me behind without explaining in details but dumping me through the phone text by saying, “You deserve better, I’m sorry”. This liar who left I alone with nothing but danger, leaving me carry whole weighs alone—this liar that I cannot even hate.

“Have a seat. What do you want to drink?” I ask without taking glance at him, being busy with nothing but empty mug in my open kitchen.

“I’m good with everything.” He is still standing still next to the dining chair.

I pour the same milk tea that I’ve been drinking before to his mug then bring it to him. I’m sitting on my dining chair and taking a sip from my tea; funny enough, Jake is also doing the same things. My eyes are still glaring at him, I’m folding my arms over my chest; putting the invisible wall between us so he cannot let in. “I’m all ears.”

He clears his throat, “where should I begin?” his head is looking down while his eyes are barely meeting mine. He’s nervous. I like it because it feels like I’m in charge and it’s supposed to be like that because he’s being jerk for years.

“Start with why you can casually walk while the sun is awake without your black attire and mask.”

He smiles. He smiles because of my question. I don’t like his smile. “I’m not longer in running, MC. I can casually walk while the sun is awake without my black attire and mask. I’m free. Now I’m able to take you for a walk in public without hiding anymore.”

“As if it will ever happen.” I cut him off. Sorry to break your imagination, boy. But I’m very sure that we are not going back. “Hold on.” I just realised something. “What do you mean by you are free?” I narrow my eyes.

“Let’s say, I’m not government’s fugitive anymore.” He is grinning like a child.

“What? How so?” I frown. It’s not like I’m not grateful for his freedom because no matter how annoying he could be, no one deserves to get their freedom is being taken. No one, even for him.

His smile suddenly drop after hearing my question, his eyes are looking at somewhere else in the room, his fingers grasp the mug of his tea tightly as if I were the mug, I may be screaming over the pain he made. “Remember when you got kidnapped and attacked by my pursuers few years ago? When we are still together?” his voice is far and distant, it feels like he is suddenly not here anymore.

I remember that time. I remember it clearly as if it’s just happening last night. The pain is still fresh for me. The detail is still new to be forgotten. That night when I just got home from spending time with my friends, then there was suddenly a black van showed up beside me and someone’s hand grabbed my arm, pulled me inside. I shake my head to prevent me from remembering that dark time. “What is the correlation?” I ask, my voice is heavy and my breath is shaking. And I think Jake notice it since now one of his hand reaches mine and bring it to his, holding my hand tightly.

“I hate myself so much for putting you in that terrible situation. I’m so sorry.” His voice is so painful until it sends sting to my chest. But I don’t even flinch. Because I hate the reality that he left me after that incident.

“If you are really sorry, why did you leave without explaining anything? Have it ever crossed in your mind that I need you the most in that situation?” I scoff while pulling my hand from his and crossing it over my chest again.

“You already knew that I was in run for years and when you welcomed me into your arms, I was scared to death. I was scared that my pursuers might be hurting you and that day proved my fear. I realised there was nothing but uncertainty and danger for you in the future. Thus, I let you go. As hard as it is, I had to let you go. I needed to give myself for protecting you.”

“What do you mean?” I narrow my eyes; Jake is slowly lifting his eyes and staring at me deeply.

Jake is still staring at me, but he is in silence even though his lips are barely parting like he wants to say something. He takes a deep breath before speaking. “I met up with the FBI. I helped them to catch my pursuers—those bastard who dare to lay their hands on you. I worked with them for years—”

“Hold on, you what? What did they do? Did they do something? Then what happened? What the hell you are thinking, Jake?” I give him so many questions, I’m worried hell yeah I’m worried! Where the hell is the Jake who always carefully thinking and planning something to do?

He is not answering any of my questions but just grinning and somehow his face is freshening up. “You are worried about me.” Oh, no. It’s a trap.

“Answer me, you jerk.”

He is putting his chin on his hand as he’s looking at me while grinning like a teenager fall in love. I don’t like the expression he is making. “It surprised me too but I didn’t have a lot of choice. I need to protect you and avenge to them. And working with the government was the best option I had that time.”

“How long? And now you are free because of them?”

He nods. “I’m still working with them unfortunately but they gave me break since last year because I told them that I need to rest after years helping them clean up their mess.”

“You are free since last year but you didn’t even bother to meet me?” I mock at his answer as I massage my bridge of nose. This is unbelievable. He IS unbelievable. After years he gave himself to the FBI and he didn’t even try to check me? What’s the point with whole his all high and mighty sacrifice then? He is clenching his jaw and looking away. I like this. He feels guilty. I like Guilty Jake, he deserves it.

“I want to. Hell, I want to. I wanted to meet you earlier but I was scared to face you. I tried to let you go for your good sake. I wanted to pretend to let you happy without me. I didn’t want to cause more harm in your life because of me.” He says in painful voice, his face is covered on those hands; at first I thought he will begin to cry because his voice is heavy and his body is shaking. But I don’t want to care. I think. I don’t want to care. I think.

“Then, why the hell you passed out in my door? Who the fuck told you my address anyway?” I feel stupid. I feel like I want to cry. I feel like I want to give myself to him again. I made choice to not let him come into my life anymore. Even though I already knew the reason, the fact he willingly sacrificed himself for me, somehow convince some part of me to forgive him. But knowing he had chance to meet me but he didn’t even want to do it; because of what? Because he was scared and want me to be happy? What a silly.

“I’m happening to be in the same town with you.” Of course, he is in the same town with me. “And I asked Lilly about you.” Of course, she did tell her brother. I hate how the universe is writing this sketchy situation.

“And she told you about me and you weren’t scared all of sudden and chose to invade me with your drunken state?” I ask in sharp tone, he looks at me with this desperation on his ocean vessels. That stare, I hate it.

“No. I was all stressed out knowing that you are near me all this time. I couldn’t just ignore that. I wanted to let you happy without me but it’s killing me inside. I couldn’t—MC, I couldn’t.” his hand is trying to reach mine but I’m still crossing my arms; trying to maintain the invisible wall between us which is somehow already eroded little by little. “And I presumed all of that war between what I want and what I suppose to do, lure me into careless behaviour. I wasn’t able to remember how I could be in front of your door. Perhaps my body automatically led me here because I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

I’m letting out long sigh, feeling my body is tensed up so much and my brain will explode in any minute. I brush my face, trying to gain all of my soul that evaporates in the air. “What do you want, Jake?”

“The moment I was trying to jump down from your apartment, I told you I don’t know what I want anymore. But when you gave me the chance to let us talk, I decided to tell you the veracity of the story, it includes with what I always have been wanting since the day I met you.”

I hate his desperation voice. I hate his stare that full of hope. I hate his hand which laying there as if asking me to hold it tight. I hate his wide shoulders that somehow ask me to lean on and cry my eyes out. I hate myself to not stop wanting him. I hate myself to let him come in again.

“MC, I want you. No, that sounds wrong. I always want you. I want to wake up and the first thing I saw in the morning is you. The day you are holding me in your mercy makes me see you in everywhere. I see you in everything. You are everywhere. You are in everything. Every single thing in this world has and always become you. I’m so sorry for being so stupid and letting you walk out from me but I won’t do it again. I promise you to death I would never do it again.”

I’m avoiding his stare because the tear is slipping from my eyes; I brush it off right away. I’m not looking at Jake anymore. I don’t want to look at him. I can’t. I don’t want to let him know that I’m always hoping he will be back and pull me into his embrace, no matter what we have been through in the past, I always want him.

“I’m sorry it took me so long,” he trails off; his voice is full of remorse. It is so painful so I look at him again to check him doing alright. I almost thought he will evaporate with the voice of his. “I know I didn’t deserve you. I didn’t deserve everything you always give and what you are going to bring into my life. I didn’t deserve you. But I do want you. I always do.”

“Jake—”

“No, please. I want to tell you everything. I know it will be impossible for you to forgive me but it’s not crime to have a hope and convince you, right?” he laugh bitterly, I cannot help myself but also laugh seeing him like that.

You are so stupid, Jake.

“I want you. I want us again. I always want us. The idea of you and me is the only reason I’m still breathing this goddamn air. Hell, MC, I will never allow myself to break your damn heart again. I promise you I will never allow myself to fucking break it.”

I’m looking up to the ceiling, wiping my tears away because I can’t. I cannot stop the tears that keep falling again and again.

“But I won’t force you if you didn’t want me anymore. I will never do that if that’s truly your wish. I will…I will try to accept it if you didn’t feel anything between us any longer. So, please look at me. Tell me everything. If you didn’t want us, I will go. I will vanish from you as if you never realised that I exist. I will walk out forever if that’s what you want.”

The moment I met him again passed out in front of my door after years, I know this is going to be the day when I made stupid decision. I’m such a foolish. At least, I’m a self-aware fool. I release the arms on my chest, breaking the invisible wall that I tried to maintain. Our eyes are still locking to each other; while my eyes are still on Jake, I reach his hand slowly which is still lying on the dining table. I hold it. He gasps. He is surprised.

“Normally, when someone broke my heart only by phone text, I will punch him in the face.” I say while playing with his fingers; Jake’s fingers also trying to hold me but he barely moves it, as if he’s afraid with his touch will leave a burn on my hand. “Normally, when someone passed out in front of my door, I will call the security.” He is smiling. This time, I don’t hate his smile. I never hate his smile. “You are stupid, Jake. You gave yourself to them but you couldn’t even dare to tell me and just left like that. You are stupid for making excuse that you want to let me be happy without you. So stupid.”

“Hell, I am.” He is reaching my hand with the other hand, stroking my hand gently and now he brings my hand between his hands. “I’m sorry.” He gives my knuckles kiss, I melt completely.

“Theo will hate me for this and the next thing is he will kill you.” I warn him.

“I hope you don’t mind having long distance while I’m in afterlife?” I laugh. I’m laughing harder than I have ever had in a long time.

You are so stupid, Jake.

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