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#especially when food is scarce!
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#hiding under the bed. in the closet. behind the bushes. hiding all the time. especially on holidays. especially when he was in my house#i hid#because he would hurt my feelings. i didn't care about my body. fighting was NORMAL right? but i was so soft#my feelings were so easy to hurt#and he would toss insults around so easily and i didn't like it because i wanted to be good for him. i wanted to be good for everyone#and he would toy with me. twist up my mind and play with my emotions and I would hide from his words like that could save me#thanksgiving was fun! uncle paul came over and we would eat good food! but it was also a waking nightmare. because HE was their son#so he would come with them#and I was so scared#i still hide. every time things get stressful. i tuck myself into my bedroom. or the bathroom. i jam myself into the#smallest corner of the room and I make myself scarce and tiny and invisible.#and it works. people leave me alone. usually. sometimes there's nowhere to hide#sometimes they think distracting me will help me. but it doesn't. i just want to float. distant. invisible. no one can see me because i am#so small and tucked so far away i dont exist#i don't want to be real you know? cuz then no one could see me and I wouldn't be in the way and i could stop being so nervous and miserable
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