#everything before it is real dialogue but that’s just something i added as the joke here

[goldensunset]

i’ve been wanting to make this joke since august

#edit: i need to clarify the last panel is EDITED #everything before it is real dialogue but that’s just something i added as the joke here #kingdom hearts #khdr #dark road #kingdom hearts dark road #hades did you maybe want the word ‘died’? we need a verb in that sentence not an adjective my guy #this is excellent dialogue like everyone’s said but i just have this one silly little nitpick LOL #mine: kh

[anghraine]

Long, rambling, general post (with some detours into Austen + SW):

I find the academic obsession with novelty (at least in my field) rather irritating and in some ways actively harmful. But I've been thinking about it as I work on my dissertation, and there is an underlying concept I do find important.

Over here, I'm pretty content to scream my opinions at no one in particular, and have fun if people end up (courteously) answering back. But while there are commonalities between fandom meta practices and academia, a major difference (again, at least in my field) is that in academia, you essentially have to familiarize yourself with the wider community and discourse, and engage with it.

In literature, at least, it's important that you're not just reaching interpretations in a functional vacuum—interpretations that may well have been reached and argued thoroughly and well before. If you've got something fresh to contribute to the overall conversation, okay—maybe you basically agree with another interpretation but feel it could be expanded upon or there are some nuances that got missed. But the conversation doesn't particularly benefit from people just echoing the exact some interpretations over and over without adding or modifying them at all.

To put it another way, not everyone needs to (or should) cover every interpretation they agree with. This is not exactly literary criticism's reputation, but it's fundamentally social. Not everyone needs to do everything. Different people can and should cover different ground, and the general discussion benefits from this.

But this post isn't really about academia.

I think there's some real value in this idea that not everyone needs to be seen to repeat every correct take, or every take they agree with. Sometimes you're not really equipped to add anything. Sometimes you're not the best judge of a particular issue because it's not in your ballpark. Sometimes the ground has been so thoroughly covered in wider social discourse that you don't really need to add to it.

And I think this is especially important when it comes to the Internet firehose. People essentially repeating the same thing over and over and over without adding anything significant is a major way that ideas—including mistaken ideas—spread so quickly. Sometimes it's fairly inane jokes that become inescapable for an OP or within a fandom or whatever (book Isildur fans unite!). Sometimes it's mistaken or irrelevant corrections that someone/some people get bombarded with because no one bothers to check if the corrections have been made already. Sometimes it's the same reply ad nauseam, which quickly becomes intensely irritating while adding nothing. Sometimes it's worse than that—wrongheaded or exaggerated attacks on someone's character that get launched at the person incessantly, or active disinformation.

But basically, I think it's worth considering the shape of the overall discussion when you're considering what you specifically are going to contribute to it, if anything. Sometimes this is very serious. Sometimes it's a minimal consideration for others and for your impact on the general atmosphere in a fandom or some other social context.

For instance: back in 2005, when the Keira Knightley/Matthew Macfadyen Pride and Prejudice came out, my part of Austen fandom was having absolute conniptions over it. Some of this was over literally any adaptation of P&P ever being made after the 1995 mini-series (especially anyone else ever playing Darcy). Some of this was over claims that the 2005 P&P was generally more Brontë than Austen. Some of it had to do with particular contractions, or certain depictions of characters, jokes, aesthetics, dialogue, etc. I remember very serious articles about how it was a flash in the pan that would soon disappear from cultural consciousness (lol).

I actually share a number of the criticisms, as it happens! But I thought (and still think) that the collective outrage was ... excessive, at best. So I mostly didn't talk about my personal gripes because they already seemed to disproportionately dominate the conversation (to me, etc), and I didn't want to add to it. But it interests me that people have sometimes assumed that not personally adding to the griping about it means that I love it (and often, that I need to be corrected from doing so!). The same thing happens with particular ships or dynamics I don't like but don't want to add to discourse about.

I've definitely erred in the other direction. I used to talk quite a bit more about my criticisms of the Star Wars prequels, for instance, which I later regretted despite still having those criticisms. The fandom rage was just so over the top and everything covered so exhaustively and excessively by others that it (very belatedly) started to feel like adding to it was kind of like kicking a dog.

On the flipside, sometimes the firehose is pointed the opposite way from my personal opinion, and even if that opinion is just a mousy little cheep amidst the roar of approval/disapproval, voicing it seems more appropriate to me than joining a stampede of disproportionate hatred. Or sometimes the general discourse is pretty mixed and you just have to exercise judgment about your role in it (I've definitely gone for "I see a lot of debate on this point and hell with it, I get a place in the ring, too").

But in any case, I think that the pressure to be seen to have a take all the time and the assumptions made about people if they don't individually weigh in on ... basically everything is really misguided. We're social creatures! Sometimes ground has already been thoroughly covered. Sometimes it's been covered far too much. And I think stopping to think of what we're really adding, even when we're not plodding through reviews of the literature in academia, can be worth attempting.

#anghraine babbles #ivory tower blogging #general fanwank #austen blogging #austen fanwank #sw fanwank #long post

[b4mpyre-k1zz3s]

Cute little concept if u feel like writing it! SteveO and gn!reader work on set together, unaware of ones crush on the other. It’s obvious to everyone else but them with obvious favoritism going on. SteveO gets a black eye from a stunt he did and when reader sees it they kiss it better, and it leads to him saying “fuck it” giving them a real kiss.🥹

Sweet-O

Y/N never expected running coffee on movie sets could lead to this.

Steve-O X Gn!Reader

(Fluff)

2.2k Words

Warnings: Suggestive content, crude language, flirting, drinking, insecurity

An: Thank you for the request!! I haven’t written very much if anything about Steve and I realized that I really love the way he talks! Writing dialogue for him and Bam are definitely the most fun of the guys XD Keep sending in the requests- I promise I’ll get to them all!!

Keeping the cardboard coffee holder steady, you ducked and weaved like a dragonfly through the buzzing crowds of people on set. The warm, smoky steam wafted up onto your skin as your eyes scanned the room. You couldn’t help but be amazed at everything around you- One day, you’re living in LA and out of work, and the next? You’re hanging out with movie stars on the daily. Unbelievable.

You shook yourself out of your thoughts, and a few moments later, you found your guy. “Ah! Steve-O! I got your, uh…” You handed him the cardboard Starbucks cup, warm in your palm, “I got your coffee!” When he smiled at you with that sweet, kinda boyish smile, you nearly melted. You had no idea why you were so drawn to him, but he had you by the neck after just a month working with him. “Oh, thanks dude!” He took a sip, looking at you from his seat on one of Jeff’s foldy director’s chairs, “What’re you doing later?” Although you knew what he was asking, you secretly hoped that he was suggesting something else. Some little part of your brain said, ‘You, if I’m lucky tonight’, but you kept your mouth shut. “Uh, well I gotta drop the rest of these off, get Bam his Red Bull- cause he’s too good for Starbucks-“ You added that last part just to make him laugh a little, smiling when he did, “and after that, I’ll see if anyone else needs anything else!” He laughed a little at your eagerness, “God, you have got to chill out, man.” It was easy for him to say that- all Steve has to do is show up, puke, and clock out. But through all the bodily fluids, you still really liked him. Just then, you felt someone tap on your shoulder, and you were whisked away before you could finish your conversation.

He was the only person on set that regularly talked with you. Chris was always friendly, and though he was very polite and tipped you well, you were intimidated by Knoxville’s stardom. Bam was usually just an ass to you, but you couldn’t care less, so out of the main cast, that just left Steve. He seemed to have taken a liking to you, something that nobody on set could ignore. The guys would make jokes and giggle whenever you stood a little close to each other, but you paid them no mind- there was no way he wanted to be anything other than friends, so you shut that idea down before it could get too far.

“What’re you even doing, man?” Bam asked incredulously, sneaking up behind Steve, making him jump a little. Steve turned to him, “What d’ya mean?” Squinting, Bam laughed, “What do I mean?” He leaned against the chair, staring at your butt as you got absorbed into the crowd, “You’ve been eyein’ that hot piece’s ass for weeks.” Leaning to one side so that Bam’s cheek wasn’t pressed against his, he shrugged, “Dude, what d’you expect me to do?”

“S’just like how you picked up those sluts at the bar last night. Same shit, man!” Steve sighed, rolling his eyes. It wasn’t that easy- he wouldn't have to see those sluts from the bar the next day at his job. He couldn’t just pull the whole “Hey, baby”, hand around the waist, whisper something dirty in the ear routine with you. “Nah, man- I don’t wanna make an ass outta myself.” Bam sighed, rolling his eyes, “Fine. Y'know what? Just burn a cd for them- that’s how I hooked Missy! S’all personal ‘n shit- they fall for it every time.”

Whenever you and Steve had free time between you making lunch runs and him banging himself up, you’d end up sitting around and talking about whatever, usually music. One day, you saw him listening to his I pod, and that’s how it started- you two would listen to music together. Sharing earbuds, you’d go through album after album together, just sitting in blissful silence. You didn’t mind- he had pretty good taste after all. He really must be comfortable with you, you thought to yourself, but there was no way it was a romantic thing.

So it made sense that, one morning when you showed up on set, he handed you a cd. “What’s this?” You squinted at the holographic surface with “For Y/N” scrawled on it in black sharpie as he looked away, playing it cool, “S’just some stuff I like- thought you’d dig it.” He winced a little, mentally slapping himself in the face- thought you’d dig it? How uncool could he be? What the fuck is he thinking? Idiot. Oh, but all that worry washed away when he saw you beaming up at him, “Thanks! I can’t wait to check it out!”

So when you drove home, the first thing you did was pop it into your stereo, listening intently. Seconds passed but it felt like hours while you waited for it to start, listening to the sound of the disc spinning. And when it did, it started…slow, and kinda soft at first which surprised you since this was coming from Steve- that was, of course, until Vince Neil’s voice kicked in.

You listened to the thing front to back. When you got to your apartment complex and it wasn’t over, you drove right past. It was all the kinda stuff you listened to on set together- mostly Motley Crüe, but there was a decent amount of Iron Maiden and Metallica too. All that metal got you thinking that, if he hadn’t become this crazy stunt dude he was, Steve would’ve probably become a rock star, and a damn good one too. Showman, attention whore- same difference. And as the music slowly faded out and you pulled your little Honda into the parking garage, you couldn’t get the image of him dressed like Bret Michaels out of your head.

“I’m not doing it.” Steve looked up from the white, ceramic plate his breakfast was on, using a greasy fork to poke at the pepper speckled eggs that he had stubbed his cigarette out in. “Come on!” Chris urged, “It always works!” Rolling his eyes, Steve sat back in his seat, lowering his voice so as to not be heard by the family of four next to them at Shoneys, “I’m not puttin’ on the cheetah.” Johnny and Bam watched silently as the two went back and forth, snickering quietly. “Steve- I have never met a single person who didn’t go wild for the cheetah. I think it’s biologically impossible to not be attracted to it!”

“It’s bad enough that they’ve seen me stickin’ stuff in my ass- I’ve probably ruined my chances already! The cheetah’s not gonna help shit!” Chris took a sip of his orange juice, smiling knowingly, “No way. They’ve totally got the hots for you! Just trust me here, okay?” Steve should’ve known from the way he said that that something was awry. And sure enough, when he walked on set that Monday and he saw the little corkboard where the stunts for the day are tacked onto what he expected was true. Steve needed a beer.

Shooting outside meant long, hot, sticky days. Squinting in the sun, you looked around for Steve, excited to tell him all about how much you loved that mixtape he made for you, planning on leaving out the part where you listened to it all night and fell asleep to it and vividly imagined him for hours. “Hey!” You jumped a little when you heard Pontius’ voice about an inch from your ear. He gave you that sweet idiot smile as you glanced him up and down, noticing his…lack of clothes. He raised an eyebrow, “You like the cheetah?” Still a little surprised, you gave him a smile, nodding. Even though you showed up there every day, you never quite got used to the male nudity. Chris grinned, “You know, I am so glad to hear that! See, I was having a bit of a disagreement with my buddy Steve-O- y’see him over there?” He pointed over to him a row of bushes, Steve’s bristly shaved head just barely visible over the leaves, “He thought you wouldn’t like it- can you believe that?” He yelled over in his direction, “See, Steve! They totally dig the cheetah!”

Springing up from the shrubbery as you neared, Steve puffed out his chest in an effort to impress you. He looked a little scrawny with his clothes off, but you couldn’t really complain after getting to see him nearly naked. You grinned, your eyes scanning over the black-blue ink of his tattoos, “Is this, uh- is this for a stunt?” Now standing next to him, Chris nodded, “Yeah!” He jabbed an elbow in Steve’s side, quickly getting his attention. He dropped his voice an octave, “Ah- yes! A very manly stunt!” You snickered at the little act they were putting on, “Okay, well I hope you two have fun with that!”

As you walked away, Chris turned to excitedly whisper to Steve, “See- they totally took a second glance at your package!” He raised his eyebrows, glancing down at himself, “Yeah, well it’s a good thing I put that sock in it…”

“Hey, I heard you got the hots for that little intern.” Johnny’s voice sounded tinny over the speaker of Steve’s cheap flip phone as he settled into the couch that came with his apartment, the tv playing softly in the background. “Y’know what dude? Just save it.” He picked up the remote, flipping through channels, “They’re not into me anyhow.” Johnny, sensing his dejection, tried to reason with him, “C’mon, they get you coffee every day!” Steve scoffed, “Yeah, and they do that for everyone else on set- that’s their job.”

“Well, did you try the cheetah?” Steve pressed his lips together, the blue light of the tv gracing his facial features, “Yes, I tried the cheetah- you were there when I tried the cheetah!” Johnny’s voice had an audible grin on the other end of the line as he caught him, “Ohhh, yeah! But they were totally eyeing you up that day!” Steve rolled his eyes, “Whatever- they’re totally smokin! They ain’t interested in ‘ole Steve-O. Dude- have you seen me?” Johnny thought about saying something how he did see him- that he saw him wearing that mankini and that he looked great, but he thought that'd be something for Pontius to tell him, “C’mon, you’ve gotta ask ‘em out.” Steve shook his head dismissively, feeling that wrenching feeling in his guts again, “Nah, nah, nah…” He thought for a second about what Johnny told him, adding tentatively, “…maybe, maybe.”

It was just like him to come in on the last day of filming with a shiner. Swollen and throbbing, the purple swell was apparent to just about everyone, you included. You winced, feeling the pain secondhand as you handed him his coffee. Steve nodded. “Sooo, last day of filming?” You sounded a little forlorn as you posed the question, fiddling with your hands. “Mmhm.” He brought the cup to his lips, seeming just as nervous as you were.

Glancing over your shoulder, he almost did a double take. Squatting behind an audio kit was Chris, making a little shoo shoo gesture at him. Next to him was Johnny, who had ducked behind the craft services table, touching the tips of his fingers together and twisting them to emulate kissing while Bam stood next to a row tall of tripod standing lights with his back turned, his hands moving up and down his back doing a sort of making out gesture.

His attention was brought back to you when you snickered a little. God, he didn’t even notice how close you were to his face. “Y’know, If you want…I could kiss it better.” You were only half joking with your suggestion, but you could tell it got the message across. Steve blinked unbelievingly a couple times. Building up courage, he whispered to nobody but himself, “Ah…fuck it.”

Ther wasn’t a lot of distance to cover for him to lean in and kiss you. The kiss was tentative but purposeful, his lips feeling surprisingly soft against yours as you held there for a moment. It felt electric- not the cattle prod electric Steve was used to. More like licking a 9 volt battery. A weird tingling that makes your mouth feel odd but something in you makes you want to keep your tongue on it for just a second longer. It was just you and him, the perfect warm little center of the world. Neither of you moved for a while until you pulled away, eventually breaking the kiss, panting slightly, “That- that was nice…” He sheepishly smirked, a little embarrassed about getting so worked up over a kiss, “Yeah. Do you, uh- wanna grab a coffee sometime?” You laughed a little at how flustered he got, “But I just got you coffee…?”

He raised his eyebrows in realization, shifting a little in his chair, “Oh, yeah…well, how about the bar?” You nodded, smiling, “Yeah, sure!

#jackass #steve o #johnny knoxville #bam margera #chris pontius #jackass fanfiction #jackass fanfic #fluff #jackass x reader #steve o x reader #I listened to an absurd amount of Motley Crue while writing this

[vampyrenn]

Stitches and Swimming (Steve Harrington x F!Plus! Reader)

♡ 𝕸𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙 ♡

♡ 𝕽𝖊𝖖𝖚𝖊𝖘𝖙 𝕽𝖚𝖑𝖊𝖘 ♡

♡ 𝕽𝖊𝖆𝖉 𝕻𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝕺𝖓𝖊 𝕳𝖊𝖗𝖊! ♡

↠ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕒𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕣: Steve Harrington x Reader ⌈Stranger Things⌋

↠𝕊𝕦𝕞𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕪: When You and Steve reconnect, you realize you have a lot to learn about each other.

↠𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕕 ℂ𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥: 7.1K

↠𝕎𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤: No Spoilers, No Y/N. Plus Size Reader. Canon typical injury/gore, black market doctoring, suggestive dialogue, heavy mentions of weight issues.

↠𝔸/ℕ: 3rd times the charm (hopefully…) I’m pretty sure fics won’t show up in my tags when I Queue them (sucks bc I queue them for before I get off work hah) but oh well! Sorry sincerely for spamming, I appreciate the love it got while it was up!!! but plz enjoy haha ^^;; FEEDBACK IS APPRECIATED, THANK YOU!!

»»————-　♡　————-««

Needle & Thread

In the weeks since your first date with Steve Harrington, you realized there were a lot of things you didn’t know about him. The innocent crush you’d had on him in freshman year hadn’t ever gotten past the ‘staring longingly’ phase, and now that you were seeing him regularly, you were learning all of the little things you had wanted to know back then. You’d made a list in your head of the ones you expected the least, and found yourself adding to it pretty often.

One, Steve was a certified lifeguard.

You’d been on your third date, headed home for the evening when he pointed to the public swimming pool, empty in the dark, and like he couldn’t possibly contain himself, exclaimed “Did you know I’m a lifeguard?”

“Yeah?” you had been dozing, lazily staring out the window and listening to the tape he was playing, but his excitement stirred you, and you played along, sitting up and glancing at the pool as you drove past like somehow you’d be able to see him on the guard tower.

“Since 1983, baby. Certified and everything.” He was immensely proud of that fact, if the huge grin on his face was anything to go by, and you couldn’t help but laugh. The idea of Steve taking so much pride in something so small was absolutely adorable.

“Was it for the bikinis or the mouth to mouth resuscitation?” He looked away from the road just for a second to glance at you, his silhouette lit blue by the dashboard, his proud smile turning smug.

“Both. Hey, you wanna come swim in my pool later?” He was only half-joking, and you both knew it, but you rolled your eyes at him anyway, sinking into your seat with a low groan.

“That’s your master plan? Hope I drown in your pool?”

“Almost drown, Sweetheart. I’m gonna save you, obviously.”

“My hero.” he laughed at your monotone, grabbing your hand and messily interlocking your fingers.

“You can count on it.”

Two, He was an amazing babysitter.

You’d been half right when you’d assumed that Dustin, the teenager he was constantly driving around and hanging out with was probably his best friend. The other half that you hadn’t expected was the entire group of smart-ass 13 year olds that Steve led around like a mother hen, Dustin included. You hadn’t even directly met them yet, but their effect on Steve was immediately noticeable.

It was sweet, seeing how much he cared while trying so hard to pretend he didn’t; driving them around, keeping them safe and watching out for them. You told him as much one afternoon over the phone, after he dejectedly told you he and their party-really, it was more like they just needed adult supervision- already had plans after his shift, and he wouldn’t be able to see you.

“You should apply for Dad of the Year, Harrington. I think you’ve got a real shot.”

He snorted derisively. “If not now, I’ve got a hell of a lot of practice for later, right?” his voice dropped an octave, softer now. “I’m sorry. You know I’d cancel, but…”

“No way.” You dismissed him immediately, “Someone has to look out for those kids, right? I’m glad it’s you. Just do me a favor and get them home safe, and you too. Okay?”

“Yeah…Course. You know I will.” You didn’t comment on how his throat sounded closed with emotion, his tone sounding a million miles away, and neither did he. You didn’t know what to say.

And finally, Three. There was something going on in Hawkins, and Steve was involved.

You were finding that one out now, after a late night phone call from Steve had you speeding to his house, lugging your entire sewing kit into your passenger seat. He hadn’t given you too many details and you hadn’t asked, more focused on how broken and tired his voice sounded, and his terrifying questions.

“Sewing is exactly like stitches, right? For wounds?”

“Yeah, I guess…Steve, what’s going on?”

“Can you do me a really big favor, sweetheart?”

That was what led you here, slipping into the Harringtons backyard where Steve told you he would be. Steam was rising off of the heated pool, but he wasn’t in it, the water still and glass-like. You approached slowly, your kit hitting against your leg with every step, anxiety rising, and then you finally saw him.

Steve was sprawled on a pool lounge, eyes closed in picturesque relaxation, though he was covered in dirt and dried blood. There were makeshift bandages around his torso and arms, and the large, dried red stains knocked the air out of you. The lights illuminating the patio made him look pale and corpse-like as you kneeled next to him on the concrete, bearing the sting of hard pebbles in your knees to look up at him. You took one of his hands and he squeezed, telling you he knew you were there, letting you brush your lips feather-light over his split knuckles. He hissed, and the sound snapped a thread supporting your composure.

“Oh, Stevie…” it was more a whimper than anything, your eyes already blurring with unshed tears, and he responded instantly, your heartbroken voice spurring him to action again. He sat up and swung his legs over the lounge with great effort, and you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding when you could see his eyes again, tired but alert, alive. A tear slipped from the corner of your eye, and he leaned in close, reaching for you.

You let him help haul you onto the lounge next to him, wiping your face clumsily with his dirty hands before tracing his fingers down your neck, your shoulders, slow and gentle. You sniffled.

“Hey. Hey, it’s okay.” Steve soothed his palms up and down your arms. “You should see the other guy.” He smiled, blood staining his teeth, and your stomach churned.

“How can you even joke right now?” You breathed, sadness and worry permeating through every word, and he closed his eyes again, smile dropping.

“Baby…” it was the first time he’d ever called you that in a serious way, but you were too upset to even notice, suddenly angry and desperate and hurt even as you fought to stay calm for him. Your tone betrayed at least some of it when you spoke, and his hands dropped from your shoulders.

“What happened, Steve?” His entire face twisted the moment you asked, eyes squeezing shut tighter and brows furrowing. He looked beautiful even now, if you ignored the harsh lights of the pool; caked in dirt and blood you weren’t sure was all his, his sweaty face tipped up to the stars. It tore your heart, leaving a raw edge.

“Not tonight. Please.” The desperation in his voice melted all of your righteous anger out of you.. “I…I can’t do this tonight. I promise you, soon, I’ll tell you everything. But not now.” His voice broke, and he dragged his hands through his hair, grabbing fistfuls.

Any other time, you would have pushed the issue; Instead, you breathed in deeply through your nose and leaned down, grabbing your sewing kit and setting it on your knees. Steve needed your support, and whatever the hell was going on, you’d give it to him, and anything else he wanted.

“We don’t have any way to knock you out.” you said softly, and you could feel him relax next to you as you dropped the subject. You bit back the acid in your throat.

Not tonight.

“S’okay. I can take it.” he shrugged, glancing to the patio doors behind you. “Let’s go to the kitchen. Cleaner in there.” you nodded, getting off the lounge and offering your hand to Steve. He took it, stumbling slightly as he stood, and your heart seized in worry. You took his arm in your own and helped him inside.

You’d never been to the Harringtons. King Steve’s wild parties weren’t really your scene, and you hadn’t been dating long enough that you’d felt comfortable just hanging out in his house. It was huge and nice, and you eyed the perfectly white countertops with trepidation as you laid out your supplies, Steve laying back on the kitchen island like a makeshift stretcher.

“Are your parents gonna, like, kill you if we get blood everywhere? Maybe we should go to the bathroom.” He wrinkled his nose in distaste and shook his head.

“We’ll clean up, they’re gone so damn much they’ll never notice. And there’s nowhere to lay down in the bathroom. Now patch me up, Doc.” he crossed his arms behind his head, closing his eyes and relaxing again while you got to work cutting the blood soaked wraps off and using a wet cloth to wipe away all the grime you could see. The kitchen was dead silent except for yours and Steve’s breathing, the sound of you scrubbing the cloth into his skin. The more dirt and caked blood you washed away, the more he looked like your Steve, although bone-tired and a little cut up, and you calmed.

He would be okay. You’ll make sure.

When he was as clean as he was going to get, you had him sit up for a second to take off the mud splattered vest he was wearing, tossing it somewhere behind you. You soaked a cotton ball with antiseptic, grabbing it with tweezers before turning back to him, settling between his thighs for a moment. He watched you carefully, studying your expression as you put your free hand on his knee, patting it.

“Lay down.” He didn’t argue, though you could tell he had something on his mind, just stretched out on the island again, groaning softly, and you assessed the real damage.

The gashes you assumed he wanted you to sew up were on his arms and torso, just where the largest amounts of blood had soaked into the bandages. The one on his arm was a relief; you knew you could superglue the cut back together, no sutures needed, and it would heal perfectly. The gashes on his torso were deep and ugly, like some animal had bitten chunks out of his hip, and you knew instantly they’d have to be stitched. They looked better clean, but they were still steadily oozing blood with no sign of stopping. The sight made you a little sick, but you just shook your head lightly and started cleaning the skin around the wounds. Occasionally, Steve would suck in a breath through his teeth, or grunt in discomfort, and you’d stop to coo and run your thumbs gently over his sides, desperate to ease his pain.

“Okay. I think we’re ready.” you took a deep breath, and Steve opened his eyes to watch you wash your hands and pull a box of latex gloves out of your sewing kit, putting on two pairs. His eyes went wide when you pulled the needle and nylon thread out of the bowl you’d been using to soak them in peroxide for the last 20 minutes, figuring that was about as sterile as it was going to get.

Jesus, I hope he doesn’t get an infection and die. I should have just dragged him to the hospital.

“That looks like a fishing line.” He said nervously, and you laughed despite yourself.

“It’s stronger, nylon. I think it’s close to what doctors use…” you trailed off, frowning, “this is really gonna hurt, Steve.” it would have hurt if you’d had all the right tools but no anesthesia, if you had actually been a doctor, even, but this was a total back alley operation here; you’d be lying if you said you weren’t worried about making everything worse.

“I know. I trust you.” His words were weak with emotion, but they hit you hard. “I swear I trust you.” He wasn’t just talking about the stitches anymore, opening his mouth with a rush of air, but you shushed him, putting a finger over his lips to stop him before he started. You’d promised him tonight, away from questions and answers, and you’d meant it.

He’s gonna have a hard enough time as is.

“I know you do.” you said firmly. He fully slumped against the table at your reassurance, shutting his eyes against the lights and the present.

You threaded the needle.

–

It was early morning by the time you finished.

Steve wasn’t dead, which felt like a rousing success considering you’d just played surgeon on his kitchen counter, but after he was already hurt, you’d pushed him to his absolute limit. Taking the slippery gloves off and washing his blood off of your wrists made you retch into the sink, his moans and screams ringing in your ears. He’d passed out a few times, and you’d cried at least once out of guilt, but it was over.

You turned to face him, pale, soaked in sweat and shaking. You’d brought heavy duty pain meds from your own house, something you’d gotten prescribed for a bad injury months ago; now you were both just waiting for them to kick in. your stomach knotted with regret as he groaned softly, and you reached out, gently threading your fingers through his hair, brushing it away from his damp forehead.

“M’sorry.” you said softly, voice cracking, “You did so good. I’m so sorry.”

He gritted his teeth, shaking his head imperceptibly. “No, you…” he huffed, like he didn’t have enough air to speak, “you…did good. Thank you…Sorry.” you leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead, pulling back and continuing to smooth his hair away from his face. It didn’t take much longer for the meds to kick in, and you waited until he was pretty out of it to get him up. You knew it would be painful, and you hoped he’d be tired and loose enough that it wouldn’t hurt so much to get to the couch.

There’s no way in hell he’s getting upstairs.

It took longer than you expected, he was heavy and breaks for him to catch his breath or moan in pain were frequent, but eventually he was settled under a thick blanket and sleeping like the dead. As tempted as you were to join him, you got to business wiping his blood off of the counters and floors, disinfecting everything you could and tossing what you couldn’t. You threw the denim vest into the washer, and the kitchen gleamed, no imprint left behind of the screaming man on the counters.

Your eyes burned from crying and exhaustion, but you forced yourself to go outside and wipe down the pool lounge you’d found him on, like scrubbing the blood off of anything he touched would make it all a horrible, confusing dream.

You didn’t sleep until the entire downstairs smelled like bleach. Steve didn’t stir at all the entire time, so you curled up on the loveseat opposite him, watching him and the sunrise with bleary eyes until you couldn’t keep them open anymore.

–

You woke up only a few hours later, suddenly too nervous to sleep. Steve still hadn’t moved, so you felt safe leaving long enough to go get groceries; you’d checked his fridge while you were cleaning, took one look at the number of frozen meals and leftover takeout, and decided you’d have to cook some real food for him when he woke up.

You sort of felt like a stalker, sneaking into his house from the backyard with a bunch of bags but the huge, empty house creeped you out, and you hoped cooking would fill some of the empty space. Imagining Steve here all the time, alone, made your chest ache.

He slept into the late evening, and you decided to just start on dinner; if he didn’t wake up, you could eat and save him the rest. As soon as you finished cooking, pulling out tupperware to put his portion into, you heard his soft voice drifting from the living room, calling your name. You flipped the burners and ran out of the kitchen.

His eyes were still closed, but his face was pinched, and he was clearly awake. He looked almost normal again, no longer paper-white and trembling in pain. You breathed out softly. “Hi, Stevie.”

“Hi, Angel.” He smiled briefly, but you could hear the strain in his voice, and he still didn’t open his eyes. Anxiously, you wondered if he was worse than before.

“How are you feeling? Need more meds?” He nodded, and you moved to the coffee table, grabbing the pills and bottle of water you’d set there. You pressed a tablet into his hand, and helped him drink down some water, tucking stray hairs behind his ears once he finished. He shifted slightly, letting out a groan, but looking far more relaxed.

“You're pretty good at this. Ever thought about being a nurse?”

“Steve, I’m pretty sure I almost killed you last night. Are you high?”

“No. Well, the pain meds…” he finally opened his eyes, meeting yours above him and giving you a goofy grin. The swelling on his face was already going down, but he was still puffy and bruised. He raised his eyebrows at you, and you rewarded him with a small smile.

“You’re so pretty.” You told him honestly, still running your fingers through his hair. He breathed a laugh through his nose, wincing in pain a second later.

“Wow, you sure know how to treat a guy who just got his ass kicked. Bet I look dead.” He sounded sarcastic, but you could see the warmth in his face. You shook your head, cupping his jaw tenderly in your palms.

“Nope. Just as gorgeous as ever.” He took in a sharp breath, closing his eyes as you kissed him fleetingly on his nose, his jaw, any bruise you could find that didn’t seem too sore, until he tilted his chin at just the right angle and caught your lips with his own. It was chaste, just a quick, sweet peck before he was pulling away with a satisfied grin that made an unexpected heat flare in your stomach. It was the first time he’d kissed you, and it wasn’t great; his lips were chapped, and he tasted like morning breath and the faint memory of blood, but it was Steve, so you chased him, kissing him again before finally pulling away and straightening up. The comfortable silence broke when his stomach growled. You grinned.

“Made you dinner, with real food. I’ll get you a plate.”

“God, you’re my dream girl.” you bit the inside of your cheek and turned your face away, waving off his compliments.

“I’m trying to feel less guilty about stabbing you with a needle.”

“I asked you to.”

“I know. And you owe me. So,” you trailed the tip of your index finger along his jaw, booping his nose and watching the dreamy smile spread slowly over his face while he stared up at you, “I bring you food, and you explain everything. Deal?”

“Deal.”

Measuring Tape

When you took the stitches out two weeks later, Steve told you he had a surprise for you.

You were a little worried, considering everything he had just ‘surprised’ you with recently; kids with superpowers and weird creatures from hell, Russian spies, shit man. It was insane, but you believed him; and you didn’t want anything to do with any super cool new lizard Dustin found.

He promised it had nothing to do with the Upside Down, so you agreed, and that Saturday he drove you up to Lovers Lake. Before you could make fun of him for trying to show you the make out spot he’d ‘invented’ himself as a surprise, he pulled a picnic blanket, a basket, and a small bouquet out of the trunk. You gasped, and you could already see him anticipating your reaction, eyebrows raised and expectant.

“For me?”

“No, for The Queen.” Smiling wide, you surged forward, taking the basket in one arm and the flowers in the other, stretching to kiss his cheek while he wrapped an arm around your waist, leaning down slightly to make it easier.

“You’re such a dork, Harrington.”

“In that case, I’ll just take this back.” He moved to take the basket from you, and you clutched it to your chest protectively, glaring at him and ripping yourself from his arm.

“No! Can’t back out now; I wanna have a picnic, and you said I can always have what I want.” You batted your eyelashes at him innocently, and he choked, face turning red.

“You’re gonna be the death of me, Sweetheart.” Looking down at the flowers in your hand and the man in front of you, you couldn’t help but disagree.

I think it’s the other way round.

—

Steve was a romantic, but he wasn’t a planner. Once you were both settled underneath a large tree, close enough to enjoy the sounds of the lake but hidden deep enough in the trees, you took it upon yourself to unpack the lunch Steve had brought, pulling out a six pack of beer and two sandwiches. You turned to him, one of your hands still in the basket, digging around for anything else.

“Quite the spread you got here.” You laughed, and he scooted closer, joining in. He put his hand into the basket, brushing yours for a second before grabbing two small plastic containers.

“You missed something.” He set them both on the blanket, eyeing you proudly and grabbing a beer. “There we go. Meal fit for a king.”

“Applesauce.” you didn’t have to say anything more.

“Okay, so I’m not the best at this stuff. Sue me.” He didn’t even seem the least bit embarrassed, nudging his knee with yours and taking a swig out of his bottle. Rolling your eyes, you kept searching the bottom of the basket before turning to Steve in confusion.

“Did you pack spoons?” The blank stare he gave you was enough of an answer, and you burst into giggles again, watching as he frustratedly put them away. “S’okay Steve, at least we have sandwiches and beer.”

“The most important food groups.” nodding sagely, he handed you a bottle and clinked it against his own lightly.

“Cheers. To not dying?”

Steve hooked an arm around your waist, pulling you closer until you were side by side on the blanket, squishing together. Your mind went haywire, suddenly all too aware of how big you were and just how much of you touched him. How much his fingers sank into your sides. “To my amazing, beautiful personal nurse.”

But you were a million miles away and frozen ridgid next to him, suddenly shattered. Sometimes it was so easy to forget, especially with Steve, but then one tiny thing would take you back, spiraling into a web of shame and self-loathing. The static cleared for a second when he cupped your face, his concerned eyes swimming to the surface of your mind.

“Sweetheart?”

He wasn’t smiling anymore, his lips pursed in worry, scanning your face for a clue. You forced yourself to speak, lead in your chest.

“Do you really think I’m pretty?” You meant it to come out teasingly, but it wasn’t anything more than a choked whisper, and you watched Steve’s expression as his heart broke. It made you feel worse. It melted into determination a second later, and before you could stop him he was gripping one of your thighs and dragging you into his lap while you squealed.

“Steve!” You gasped, and he grinned cheekily, adjusting himself before diving in for a kiss. It was messy and quick, the sudden rush of cold air leaving you light-headed when he pulled back a few inches, pressing his forehead to yours.

“I think…” He hummed, squeezing your thighs before running his palms roughly up your sides, tracing the curves of your torso clumsily in his hurry, “that you’re the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on.” your breath caught, and tears welled up in your eyes even as you shoved him away slightly.

“That’s such a line.”

“Just the truth, honey. Call it like I see it.” Honey. Oh, that was new. The domesticity of it felt good, and already your doubts were receding, just a little. Steve kissed you again, just a soft peck at the corner of your lips before he whispered, “Come swim with me?”

“In the lake?” you fully pulled away, staring at him incredulously. He was dead serious, if his face was anything to go by.

“I mean, we’re here…”

“I didn’t bring a suit.” his honeyed eyes sparkled with mirth and heat, hands still roaming your soft sides while he spoke.

“That’s funny, me neither. I’m sure we could find a really good way around that.” He was eyeing the gauzy white dress you were wearing like he was already imagining it slung over a tree branch.

“I’m pretty sure skinny dipping has an implied meaning…” he stopped his hands cold on your thighs, frowning, and you bit your lip, embarrassed that you had let such a petty comment through; Steve had never made you feel unwanted, far from it, but you couldn’t stop yourself.

“It means skin, and I’d love to see a lot more of yours.” his fingers played with the hem of your dress, dragging against the flesh just underneath, teasing and light. Breath catching and stomach flipping, you chewed on your bottom lip, Steve watching with rapt attention, brown eyes half-lidded and adoring. “C’mon, gorgeous. 10 minutes.”

Steve made it hard to feel self-conscious around him, especially when he was all over you like this, begging for a glimpse under your clothes. But still you shook your head, a smile starting to crack your somber face. He saw it, his own 100 watts bright as he realized it was working.

“I don’t wanna swim naked, Steve. Like, in general. What if someone came up here?” You defended, and he pulled you even closer in his lap, starting to press kisses all over your face.

“They’d get to see the hottest babe in the world having fun?” You laughed again, resistance flooding out of you as he held you even tighter. You were stomach to stomach now, something that probably would have given you heart palpitations in high school, but you took a deep breath and brought your arms around his neck. “Anyone would be lucky to even catch a glimpse, ‘n I get your pretty body all to myself? Feels like I won the jackpot. I’m not joking.”

“I know you’re not.”

When you nuzzled closer, Steve knew he’d won in his own way, even if you didn’t end up going swimming. That didn’t mean he had to stop trying to bribe you, though. He mouthed at your jaw, moving up quickly to nibble on your earlobe, with one finger hooked into the puff sleeve of your dress, dragging it tantalizingly slowly down your shoulder. His lips traced a path from your throat to the skin he’d exposed, and you sighed softly, threading your fingers through his hair and closing your eyes.

“Stevie…”

“Mm, little busy here baby.” His indulgent words were muffled against your skin and you giggled, squirming underneath him. You felt him laugh more than you heard it, pressed so close the deep vibrations of his chest echoed in yours. “You know, I’d have to stop if-”

“Shut up. I’m not going swimming with you.” groaning, he dug his teeth into your shoulder playfully, ripping a sudden gasp from you, eyes fluttering open in shock; Steve whipped his head up to lock gazes with you, an almost predatory grin splitting his face open.

“You like that?” murmuring heatedly, his hands trailed up and down your plush sides, occasionally moving low enough to grab handfuls of your thighs and leaving fire in their wake. How he expected you to respond with his hands all over you, mouth on your throat, you had no idea. Your brain was mush, senses both overwhelmed and desperate for more. Before you could even string two words together his mouth was on yours, more commanding this time, teeth and tongue and desperate breathing; While he had you distracted with his attention, he’d rucked your dress up to the tops of your thighs, lovingly tracing the stretch marks on the back of them.

Steve broke the kiss far earlier than you would have wanted, a little out of breath but still clearly on a mission, and you whined, wrapping your arms a little tighter around his neck to keep him close. With his eyes still closed and forehead now resting on your shoulder, he said, “So is that still a no on the skinny dipping, or…”

“You know, Lovers Lake is probably so gross. Imagine how many condoms and used needles are in there.” you wrinkled your nose, mood totally ruined; Steve seemed to agree.

“Wow, that’s sexy. You’re really getting me going here.” he pulled your dress back down your thighs neatly, though that didn’t stop him from immediately shoving his hands under the hem again, like he just couldn’t resist touching the skin underneath.

“You’re welcome.” He huffed against your skin, but you could feel his smile as he pressed a final open-mouthed kiss to your collar, tilting his head back a little to stare at you.

“What?”

He shook his head slowly, dark brown eyes never leaving your face, doe-eyed and soft. You stared back, studying the way his soft lashes framed his eyes, the beauty marks scattered all over his tanned skin, a thatch of dark chest hair peeking out from his unbuttoned polo; The green light dappling through the leaves scattered over his face casting him in a gold and emerald glow. Steve, totally oblivious to his effect on you, leaned towards you, tilting his head and looking at you through his thick lashes, wisps of hair falling forward and into his eyes.

“What are you thinking?” he asked, voice heavy. He was clearly waiting for a cue, a go ahead to kiss you again; you initiated instead, moving against him like you were trying to taste every bit of him before clumsily moving off his lap. He nearly growled in complaint, a rumble of displeasure coming from deep in his chest as he grasped at your hips, and you laughed into his mouth before breaking the searing kiss and standing up, legs shaky. He joined you a second after, steadying hand on your back as you wobbled; you shot him a grateful smile.

That every shitty guy I dealt with has been worth it.

“I’m thinking that you have a pool, and I have a bikini.” You said suggestively, and the hand on the small of your back moved to wrap around your side.

Astonished, Steve asked, “You do? Why didn’t I know this?”

“Why would you know? No one does.” Except for Claire, who had forced you to buy the damn thing at the mall, insisting that you might need it someday. Add that to the list of things you should thank her for, and would if she wasn’t always so smug about it.

“But I would have wanted to see. C’mon, we’re burning daylight, I wanna get a good view!” You laughed, Steve hustling to the car with the basket in one hand and the picnic blanket in the other. His hand didn’t leave your thigh once the entire drive home.

Made With Love

“I have a present for you.”

Steve was just showing up at your house for movie night, barely starting to take his shoes off in the entrance when you blurted it, unable to contain the excitement any longer. You’d been working on it in secret for months; since your third date, if you were honest, and finally you’d finished it the day before he was coming over.

“That’s a pretty good hello.” without missing a beat, he stepped forward and wrapped you up in a bear hug, and you instantly relaxed into him like you were always meant to be there. You crushed your face into his chest and inhaled the scent of his cologne, a hint of his sweat underneath melding with it into a smell that was uniquely him.

‘Hi.”

“Hey, Honey.” You felt him kiss the crown of your head before he pulled back a little, taking your face in his hands and pulling you away from his chest to brush his lips over yours. He gave you his typical winning smirk. “You got me a gift?”

“Correction, I made you a gift.” his hold on your jaw tightened almost imperceptibly, and his mischievous face broke open with affection and uncertainty.

“You didn’t have to.” he whispered, like he was surprised that you’d even considered doing more than the bare minimum for him; you wondered how often he got gifts from anyone at all.

Dating him, you realized that Steve hadn’t ever had someone to do things just because they cared about him, or wanted to see him smile; there were tiny strings attached to every kind of love Steve had known, except for Dustin and the other kids, and even then it wasn’t the same. They adored him, even if they didn’t want to admit it, but he was the mentor, the giver, and it both touched and saddened you that Steve gave them something he’d never had himself, from his parents or anyone else.

You were determined to give that to him, in whatever ways you could, so you just smiled and said, sweet as you could, “I wanted to.”

“Fuck. You know I-” he cut himself off quickly, turning red, “-thank you. Really, it means a lot.” His voice was hoarse like he was already fighting off tears and you nodded so you didn’t push him, kissing his cheek and returning to the bags he’d stepped in with while he stood frozen in the archway.

“So, what movies did you bring?”

It took 10 minutes and a lot of whining from him, but you made sure everything was set up for movie night before you brought the gift to Steve, no matter how eager he was. You’d wanted it to be casual; there was no anniversary or anything important going on, you’d just wanted to do something nice for him and you didn’t want him to feel like it was a big deal.

The point seemed moot when you passed him the white gift box and he was practically vibrating off the couch with barely contained excitement. Within seconds he tore off the lid and threw it aside, shushing you when you snickered at him.

Being able to watch his face shift as he realized what was in the box, like clouds breaking in the sky to reveal the sun, was more than enough payment for all of the work you’d put in for this moment.

“You’re serious?” he looked from the box back to you, then back to the box before pulling out the contents and holding it up to see it fully. You’d thought about making him a scarf, so he didn’t have to lie about needing one anymore, but you’d wanted to give him something he’d actually wear; plus, you had a promise to keep.

“I told you you’d be wearing one of my jackets one day, babe.” you reminded him, grin splitting your face open while he twisted it all around, looking at it from every angle, mouth gaping open in shock. It was a relatively simple looking windbreaker, navy and white and fitted to his measurements; you’d had to steal quite a few jackets until you’d gotten the fit you needed, but it was clearly worth it when Steve was staring at it like you’d handed him a fallen star. You’d even taken the time to sew in your own label to really make it yours, as well as his.

“You made this? For me?” You couldn’t identify the emotion in his voice, tight and strained, but you nodded, placing a kiss on his cheek; he didn’t look away for a second, putting the coat down in his lap and running his hands over the sleeves, like he couldn’t quite believe it was real.

“Just for you.” You confirmed, and he took one hand off of the jacket to pull you in by the waist, still without looking. You snuggled into his side, adding, “Made with love.” without thinking. Steve finally turned to look at you, eyes shiny with tears, clutching the jacket in his fist; your breath caught, and you instinctively reached up to cradle his jaw, tracing lines between his beauty marks with your fingers. He took a deep, shuddery breath and closed his eyes.

“Made with love, huh? You love me?” Despite his cocky phrasing, Steve’s voice shook slightly with fear, like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop, and you instantly knew why; Nancy and Steve were on good terms now, but you’d heard enough to piece together a few of the ways they’d hurt each other. He’d never told you much about the breakup, but you knew she was drunk, and angry, and said some things that had stayed with him ever since, no matter how badly you tried to wash it away.

“Of course I do.” You responded like there was never any doubt at all, and there wasn’t; You knew the moment you’d spoken it was true, it had been since your first date, draping you in a jacket he brought just for you, pulling you close at your door without any motives and promising he’d always give you what you wanted. He hadn’t broken that promise yet, and you doubted he ever would. You swiped your thumb under his eye, catching a single stray tear, and he gave you a sheepish grin.

“Thank you.” he murmured, pulling you closer to his side and inclining his chin to meet your mouth with his own; He tasted like chapstick-probably one he stole from you-and you could feel a flicker of fire in your stomach when he parted your lips with his tongue, gentle but insistent, running his hands through your hair and delicately over your arms and back like he was reveling in it. He pulled you onto him suddenly, swinging one of your legs over his so you could straddle his lap without breaking the kiss, the jacket crushed between you both as you pressed together, desperate to be as close as possible.

When you finally pulled yourself away, turning your head quickly so he couldn’t chase your lips, Steve whined. He looked amazing, lips red and slightly shiny with spit, parted just a bit so he could gasp for air, hair mussed from your hands, eyes wide and bright and so obviously in love it made you ache, toes curling in your socks. His eyelids fluttered for a second, like he was getting his bearings, and then he was smiling dopily at you, hugging you against his chest and pressing heated kisses along your jaw and down the curve of your throat, humming against you.

“Fuck. Love you so much, pretty girl. Just been waiting to hear you say it, you wouldn’t believe how long I waited. Worth every second.” he babbled against your skin adoringly, his teeth gently scraping your neck and tickling you; you giggled, pressing your face into his shoulder out of embarrassment, letting him trail his hands up your back soothingly. “Don’t get all embarrassed, I’m trying to be cute here.”

“You are being cute, that’s why I’m embarrassed!”

He laughed, shaking his head slightly. The mood shifted from playful to serious in the silence, and he started again. “Seriously, thank you. It’s-I… no one has ever done something like this for me.” He admitted, and you pulled away to look at him again- his eyes were downcast, staring into his lap where the jacket was crumpled between your stomachs. You scooted back a little and pulled it out from between you two, laying it neatly on the couch cushion next to you. He watched you silently before continuing, “I know I say that a lot, but it’s true, yknow?”

“I know.” You didn’t elaborate, and neither did he.

“I really do love you.” He clarified, and your chest swelled with pride; you had no idea what you’d done to deserve Steve, but you thanked whatever cosmic fate pushed him into your store for this moment, looking down at his honey-sweet smile while he professed his love on your parents couch. “We should elope.”

“Give me time to make the dress, okay?” you teased, and he leaned up to meet you again, laughing against your lips, starting to smile so big you couldn’t keep kissing him. You both settled again, resting your head on his shoulder while he traced patterns down your curves. “I love you too, Stevie.” you sighed, voice thick with emotion, and he pressed his cheek against your head, curling inwards so you could press yourself even close against him- you did, greedily.

“I know.” He repeated, voice was firm and solid, no trace left of the doubt from before, and you pressed a kiss to his collarbone in response.

“Good.” you followed his eyes back to the jacket next to you both, and you smiled a little. “You really like it?”

“I love it, baby.” He grabbed it, quickly throwing it over his shoulders and settling his hands on your hips, relaxing back into the couch. “How’s it look? As good as you dreamed?”

“Even better. I’m gonna have to start filling your wardrobe.” He visibly perked up at the idea and you giggled, brushing the tip of your nose against his and giving him another quick, sloppy kiss before clumsily climbing off of his lap to start the movie despite his protests.

You returned, settling yourself back into his lap without even thinking, and he sighed happily, resting his chin on your shoulder and wrapping his arms around you. You’d never thought you’d be comfortable enough with someone to be this close, but Steve made it so easy; it was shocking how wanted he made you feel with just a few touches.

Without looking away from the screen you reached back and rested your hand on his cheek, running your thumb over the apple of it and murmuring “Thank you, Stevie.” You knew you didn’t have to say what for; Steve always knew when it came to you.

“Nothing to be thankful for,” He breathed into your ear, kissing the skin just behind it. You felt his smirk, and then he mumbled “So are you gonna make me that scarf, or…?”

#Steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington x you #Steve harrington #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington one shot #steve harrington x fem!reader #stranger things x reader #stranger things fic #stranger things #renrites #xreader #plus size reader #fem reader

[sasquatchboobs]

I'm honestly not sure if I'm bad at conversation skills or if we just have incompatible conversation styles. I often do like talking with him, but it often frustrates me as well. It feels like he will stop talking to allow me to respond, but instead of listening to what I say, he spends that time formulating what else he wants to say, without hearing or considering my words at all. So the "conversation," if transcribed, would read more like a monologue by him that I occasionally interrupted before he continues with his points, unchanged by whatever I said.

Then, if he does actually hear what I say, instead of understanding that I am "Yes and"-ing his point and adding on or developing his line of thought, he will almost always respond "No, what I was moreso saying was..." and just repeat his point. Like he gets annoyed that I have anything different to say that's not just affirming he's correct. And then needs to reiterate his point, because obviously I didn't understand his correctness the first time or I would have responded "Yes you're right" and nothing more.

Like, for a super simplified example, if he said "I really like oranges, the juice inside is so sweet" and I responded, "yeah, and I like the smell of the skin when you peel it, my hands smell so nice afterwards" he would say "no, I was moreso talking about the taste, not the smell, I like the taste-" and I would say "Yeah, you're right, they taste good." Just imagine that, but talking about biodiversity loss, or the war in Ukraine, or the plot of a movie we just watched, or almost anything really. This is often the pattern.

He just seems to want to talk at me, and for me to be his fawning and affirming audience, who occasionally asks probing questions, but doesn't expect equal talk time. I just want him to engage with the things that I say, because other people seem to think I have valuable insights and perspectives. But I should expect more than that; why does he get to lead almost every conversation, that if try and take on a tangent, he swiftly course-corrects me back to *his* point? Even if I started the conversation, he will go on a tangent, and then get annoyed if I do the same to him, and bring it back to my point, which he both interrupted me in the middle of and didn't really engage with?

And that's not to mention the fact that he talks over everything we watch. I am not exaggerating when I say everything. I pause it when he starts speaking, but he literally won't allow a YouTube video to play for 15 whole seconds before he launches on a 10-minute monologue on what he thinks the video will be about, his speculations on the causes or themes, and to generally knowledge dump anything he knows that could be tangentially related to the video title. It often takes somewhere between half an hour to an hour to watch a 15-minute YouTube video with him in the room, because I have to pause it every time he wants to say something. Which is very often. "Maybe if you didn't pause it, he wouldn't talk for so long?" Ha! I learned early on that he will just talk nonstop over an entire episode of a TV show, and not understand why I would want to watch that episode again (I didn't hear a single line of dialogue the whole time!).

He has expressed to me that I should put more importance on what he has to say than whatever's on TV, because he's a real person. And he's not wrong, but I wish he would respect that sometimes I want to hear the fucking video I picked because it's important to me, and whatever dumb joke about his dick he's making for the 100th time just, isn't fucking necessary or important?? And I don't think it's too much to ask to be able to watch just one 5-minute video without 7 interruptions, which I barely even get to participate in, it's literally just him talking by himself.

I express on a regular basis that I just. Cannot. Hear two things at once. If you talk over loud music I cannot hear you. If you talk over the show I cannot hear you or the show, I just get overstimulated. And he does not listen or take this into account, even gets mad at me sometimes for "not listening"! Not listening?? I can't hear you! I try my best to listen to you every waking moment we are together!

A few months ago he told me that I do 95% of the talking in our relationship. I laughed out loud, this man has NO IDEA how long he goes on for. Already today (it's not even noon yet) the TV WENT TO SLEEP during a paused YouTube video because he was monologuing; the TV only goes to sleep after 20 minutes of no activity. So that means he went on for more than 20 minutes by himself. I mean, I know he talks a lot, but it also helped that we had a roommate for a year that confirmed for me that he really does 90% of the talking in our relationship; they are good friends but even she called him a "very talky boy" and would even interject if we were all talking and he interrupted me, cause she noticed he doesn't often let me finish my thoughts.

He's spending more and more time on his days off in the office, while I'm in the living room. I feel like he gets the vibe that I'm annoyed with him and want quiet. And... It's not all bad, honestly. I like having silence in the morning, I like it being quiet enough to read. When I picture my ideal life it includes a quiet morning with coffee and a book, not a morning where I come out to the TV blasting a UFC fight while my partner excitedly details the entire plot of a shonin anime he just watched this morning, which I can barely hear or make sense of because of aforementioned loud fucking TV. But it's not like he needs me to respond anyway, just say "that's cool babe, sounds like a good show" while I try and stifle an internal scream from already being overstimulated before I've even made coffee yet.

This is going on for a lot longer than anticipated, but I guess I have a lot of thoughts I haven't expressed.

I don't know if I should expect him to change. He seems to have the vague idea of wanting to make more money in the future, but no real plans of how to do that. He seems... Fine where we are, which I am envious of and frustrated with. Like, is life really just working, smoking weed, and playing video games? In our shitty, dirty little apartment? Which i try and clean regularly, often fail at, but don't get much help with beyond him doing the dishes 2-3 times per week?

He doesn't fix things. I try to, again often failing at it, but at least I try. If the trash bag falls into the trash can, he doesn't fix it, he just continues throwing trash in there. If a light bulb goes out he doesn't call the landlord or get a new bulb, he just deals with darkness. Our washing machine has been broken for 2 years now, and he says he can fix it but won't attempt to, and every time I bring up calling someone to repair or replace it he says we can't afford that. Yeah, we can't afford that $150 repair when you just dropped $600 on cool new computer stuff (even though the old monitor, keyboard, headphones, etc all worked fine).

Why would I expect him to be able to contribute to the farm we want to have together if he won't do basic stuff like that? I need a partner who can contribute as much as I do. Right now I am going to school and work 6 days a week, he works 3 or 4 days a week, and still does less regular cleaning and chores than I do. Of course if I brought it up he would say he does ALL the cleaning and I never do ANY. So I don't even start that conversation, there's no point, he gets way too defensive, often defaulting to the whole "well I guess I'm a terrible person and a failure of a boyfriend" routine, which I hate.

Anyway, I'm going to get up and clean and organize the kitchen. I don't know if we have a future together but I am going to focus on myself, and the things I can do to start working towards my ideal life, whatever exactly that is.

#personal #diary

[love-takes-work]

Notes on SU Commentary Tracks

I watched the commentary tracks on the Complete Steven Universe DVD Set and I took some nerd notes.

The episodes with commentary tracks are “Reunited,” “Change Your Mind,” and “The Future.”

I’ll bold stuff that was maybe bigger news or more surprising for easier reading. And yes, some of this was already known from podcasts, other Q&As, or interviews, but I listed it if they said it again here.

Read on after the jump to read these and other highlights:

Steven’s original wedding speech

Older ideas on dialogue for Lapis when she came back to the beach

Scrapped concepts for the scene that ultimately included Steven communicating with the others in a mindscape

Discussions of earlier concepts for White Diamond having a power to “freeze” Gems into statues to make them perfect and having a gallery of them on Homeworld

Pink Pearl’s original fate

The translation of the writing on Obsidian’s sword

The origin of Pink Steven’s design

What Rebecca did to pitch the “SHE’S GONE” scene

Earlier plans to include Shep in “Change Your Mind”

An unused concept of how Steven feels about Biggs

The inspiration for the Heaven and Earth Beetles’ healed design

How Volleyball/Pink Pearl was almost a mini-villain

Discussion of how they did not get to share the origin of the Diamonds

Jasper’s scrapped participation in the movie

“Reunited” - 

Commentary with Rebecca Sugar, Ben Levin, Matt Burnett, Hilary Florido, Joe Johnston, Ian Jones-Quartey, and Kat Morris.

In 2015, an episode idea called “If You Love Yourself So Much” was discussed but rejected. It included some early ideas that ended up getting incorporated into “Reunited,” most notably Garnet marrying herself and putting rings on both hands.

The idea of the Cluster arm wrestling was planned for a long time. A scrapped idea of Steven banging his fist on a vending machine to get some Chaaaaps was supposed to visually parallel some of that scene, but it was axed.

When they got pushback on the wedding idea, they kept adding more and more “high entertainment value” items like a big musical number so the episode would be absolutely unmissable and appealing to everyone.

The song at the beginning of the episode was meant to check in with the entire cast and sort of remind you they exist and what their state of mind is going into the wedding.

Ian made a comment joking about “All 15 people in Beach City” being in the audience.

Just about everyone on the Crew touched this episode, despite that there are four main storyboarders credited for “Reunited.”

In 2016 Ian Jones-Quartey proposed marriage to Rebecca Sugar. They felt like the characters based on them (Sapphire and Ruby) HAD to get married in the show now because otherwise it wouldn’t be honest. But then their characters got married before they did.

They really love the idea of having characters get married who have known each other for a really long time, versus the fairy tale trope of movies ending with weddings between people who have met very recently.

Steven’s speech as officiator at the wedding used to be longer in its first draft--it was described as being weird and full of jokes, and there would have been a scene with Pearl getting weepy and pulling tissues out of her pearl.

Ian mentions loving a joke Jeff came up with having Greg play one chord to make Steven fall asleep--it’s sort of a “dream” chord you hear in cartoons a lot before a dream sequence.

The Crew discussed what it might be like if someone had never seen the show before and started with this episode.

Ian really wanted Steven’s psychic powers to figure into the episode.

Blue using a sadness wave to attack the Gems was a very old idea they’d planned for a long time. So was Lapis’s arrival.

There was a discussion of having Lisa Hannigan performing her lines as Blue VERY early in the morning.

Ian was happy the sword got broken because it was so momentous but it was just a sword. And later appeared on a shelf in the house as an artifact.

Miki had drawn a torn dress for Garnet at one point so she could be shown fighting and moving around more accurately, and this led to a long discussion of whether Gem clothing can even actually get torn the way human clothes can. They concluded that no, it shouldn’t be torn, so they backed up and gave Garnet an open-front dress from the beginning so the fighting version would make more sense.

Lapis originally might have had a longer speech upon arriving back on the beach. They eventually decided to just have her say “Hey.”

The barn falling on Blue Diamond was an intentional Wizard of Oz reference.

They point out that Steven even once said “drop the barn on the beach” (in a previous episode, “Can’t Go Back,” which was also a Miki episode).

Destroying the house was a big deal, and they always thought they’d end up doing it but backed away from it until “Reunited.” They almost even did it back in “Coach Steven”! But it just ended up with a little damage to the porch.

The Crew thinks Miki is really good at drawing ensemble shots.

Rebecca was always overwhelmed whenever she got to have Patti LuPone record for Yellow.

Originally the giant figures of everyone’s statue bodies in the mindscape were too dark and had to be revamped so they could be seen.

An earlier idea of Steven’s “psychic-ghost-situation” had him as a ghost actually trying to interact with the other characters during fighting action, but it was pulled back to this mindscape so there wouldn’t be as much confusing action to keep track of and more focus on what Steven was doing to encourage his teammates and contact the Diamonds.

Hilary was glad not to have to block out a fight.

Ian mentions loving having Bismuth back in the group.

They originally wanted the “Diamonds sensing Pink’s energy” plot to happen when Steven was in the palace somehow, but everything got moved to this scene--which the Crew all agrees turned out incredible, like how cool it was to have Steven essentially reminding each character why they fight and summing up their whole arc in a sentence.

“Change Your Mind”

Commentary with Rebecca Sugar, Ben Levin, Matt Burnett, Hilary Florido, Joe Johnston, Ian Jones-Quartey, and Kat Morris.

They like to refer to this episode as “The movie before the movie.”

They loved incorporating “princess tropes” into Steven’s time on Homeworld, which is why there were so many references to “mice” (well, Pebbles) making clothes, being locked in a tower, being reminded of his manners, loving animals and freeing imprisoned pets, etc. 

Deedee did the voice of the rainbow worm pet. She apparently didn’t find it memorable and was surprised when she was reminded she did the voice.

Rebecca was super excited for the confrontation with Blue.

There was some discussion of how Steven would have died of starvation if he didn’t have someone practical like Connie to remember to bring food.

They love working with the huge scale the Diamonds present.

The Crew always wanted to put someone in Blue’s hair loop. Originally they wanted Blue to tuck Greg in there when she kidnapped him, but they didn’t end up being able to do any hair-loop-carrying until this episode.

The Crew bantered back and forth about what the heck those Pebbles’ names were and how hard it was to track them.

They agreed that Paul draws the best Yellow Diamond, which makes sense since he also drew the first episode with Yellow (and her stink face). 

The scene where Yellow asks Blue to stop using her powers on her and then realizing she’s crying on her own was one of Rebecca’s favorite scenes to get to finally.

Steven Sugar thought Gems would spend a lot of time in their own chambers/rooms just not really doing much of anything unless they had to fulfill their purpose.

Some of the Homeworld ideas were based on a Soviet artist’s concepts, Boris Artzybasheff, and also many ideas were inspired by Busby Berkeley regarding how people were objects and furniture.

The mech was an old idea. Once they had the hand ship from “Jailbreak,” they knew there had to be bodies somewhere.

They focused a lot about what could be the coolest and funniest way for something to happen. The concept of the yellow and blue spaceship arms appearing out of the sky to smack the White Diamond mech around was one of those.

Rebecca really wanted things to look more and more cartoony and bizarre as you get deeper into Homeworld.

They spent a very long time trying to decide on characters’ new outfits.

The trash can lid is said to be a reference to “a flying bear cartoon” and they dance around speaking a direct reference because they’re not sure they’re allowed to say its name.

In discussing the powers of the Diamonds, there were debates on what White’s power would be; with Yellow being physicality-based and Blue being emotion-based, they thought White as identity-based made the most sense.

Different ways to express this were played with before settling on the idea that she thinks she’s perfect and others’ colors make them less like her and less perfect. But then she becomes a hostage to her own beliefs about herself because if she does anything that reflects on everyone else, so it’s best to do nothing.

They had some cool earlier ideas of White’s powers making statues out of other Gems and having a gallery full of frozen Gems, frozen by White to make them perfect.

They also weren’t sure what fate befell the original Pink Pearl and discussed whether she might have been destroyed. 

Rebecca discussed how creepy it was to have White Pearl speaking in Christine’s voice and not Deedee’s--that we should find it fundamentally disturbing at this point.

Tom Herpich came up with the crack on White Pearl’s face.

In real life, pink diamonds aren’t understood as well as yellows and blues. It’s more known what makes a diamond yellow or blue, and some of those facts Rebecca researched were originally woven into the speech White gave about their “impurities.” But it turned out to be too dry and most of it got cut.

Rebecca loves having Lapis with pants and sandals for easier cosplay.

Ian had to draw the scene where Steven is falling and fusing with inert characters--he wasn’t able to properly explain it to Rebecca so she had him draw it.

They really wanted Rainbow Quartz 2.0 to have a scarf, but they couldn’t figure out how to get that into Pearl’s design. They miss the scarf.

It was really important to have these Fusions display call-forwards of the Gems’ new outfits which we hadn’t yet seen.

Rebecca points out that Sunstone’s design breaks a design rule and she feels like Sunstone should have Garnet’s pant leg colors on their legs, but at the same time she understands the rule of cool and likes it like this.

It’s discussed how none of Steven’s fusion weapons are exclusively offensive weapons either.

Rebecca still really wants a suction cup Sunstone toy.

Sunstone’s ability to transcend reality and break the fourth wall was a joke that exploded in the discussion room among the Crew. As soon as the idea was pitched everyone kept coming up with ideas. Sardonyx’s fourth-wall-breaking is more snarky, but Sunstone’s is helpful.

Rebecca was disappointed that the rule about Steven’s clothes wasn’t always followed with having his clothes appear on Obsidian’s hand, but she was delighted that you could see them in one scene.

They spent a lot of discussion time on making sure Steven-Obsidian was different somehow from Rose-Obsidian. The hair is different.

Old versions of Obsidian were drawn with wrapped-together Twizzlers legs, which sort of is reflected in the present design.

The sword had been planned forever--and it first appeared in “Bubble Buddies.”

Miki worked on the Ninja Turtles show so Rebecca was really excited to see her depictions of Bismuth and Sunstone.

An early plan to have Obsidian draw the sword from their mouth was complicated because fusion weapons should be combinations, so they finally reached the solution of having them combine to make the hilt, then get the blade out of Obsidian’s mouth.

The blade of the sword is thought to say “We’ll always save the day,” but you’d have to ask Steven Sugar.

Another really old idea was climbing into the White Diamond mech eye.

Rebecca was disappointed that some of the merch made of White Diamond did not feature her cape sparkles.

There were many debates early on about where Rose might “actually” be. There were tons of references to this fundamental question throughout the show--introducing Lapis as a Gem trapped in an object, having Pearl ponder pulling Steven’s Gem out as a baby, straight-up wondering what would happen to him in “Bubbled” when Eyeball was trying to take his Gem, etc. They all decided Rose was definitely gone but that the idea of her possibly being inside him should be on his mind a lot, leading to disturbing images like dreaming about coughing up her hair.

Yellow Diamond and Blue Diamond both challenged Steven about things he was very confident about, but White’s question of his identity got to him because he in fact is not confident about that.

The black and white eeriness of the fuzzy background and the other characters having their colors washed out helped make the scene in White Diamond’s head so disturbing and creepy.

The split screen showing Steven’s two perspectives was exciting to Rebecca, and was a pretty old idea. And she points out it sort of “breaks the show.”

The Gem Steven, Pink Steven, was represented by a slightly modified version of his model sheet. Everyone laughed when they saw what was getting used.

They decided that an earlier idea of Pink Steven looking angry should be replaced by an emotionless version of him. All the emotion should be with Organic Steven.

In the pitch meeting for this episode, Rebecca herself screamed “SHE’S GONE!!” and shocked the hell out of everyone. She pointed out how no one expected this of her because she’s pretty quiet, but she just wanted to shock everyone the way Steven would in the show.

They point out this is the first appearance of the geometric shield that got so much use in Future.

The fact that Steven is Steven is the ultimate reveal of the show. Usually in fantasy shows there’s some other kind of revelation, but Steven just being amazingly human and amazingly Gem and amazingly himself is wonderful here.

They like having the pilot reference with “What’s your excuse?”

If Rose had somehow still been alive in him, all of this would have been cheapened.

Ian loves that you can faintly hear Sadie’s concert from way out in space as the camera approaches Earth.

They got a lot more use out of the Beach-A-Palooza stage than they thought they would when it had to be designed for “Steven and the Stevens.” There was a joke about how at one of the conventions a real Beach-A-Palooza stage was constructed and they had a thought about how oh good, it’s getting reused.

Sadie having green hair in the finale was a late change but they liked showing her progression. 

They had originally kicked around the idea of Sadie already having her new partner Shep at this point, but decided to develop that in Future instead.

They compare White Diamond’s stepping gingerly into the fountain to skeptically getting into a public pool.

Some silliness they didn’t get to use was that Biggs would be “beloved by everyone” except Steven. They never got to cover it, but originally Steven was just going to not really understand why everyone loves her so much and doesn’t personally much care for her.

The Heaven and Earth Beetles are based on the Mothra Ladies.

The healed Gems’ horns are supposed to be side effects of the corruption that they continue to bear in the present.

Larimar and Orange Spodumene ended up different in the ending scene than they became in Future. Many of the designs were retroactively pulled into this scene after being designed for the movie.

Rebecca wrote “Change Your Mind” as a personal song to express her feelings surrounding her fight for the wedding.

“The Future”

Commentary with Rebecca Sugar, Kat Morris, Alonso Ramirez Ramos, Hilary Florido, Joe Johnston, and Ian Jones-Quartey.

The animatic for this episode ran SO long--they’re supposed to be just over 11 minutes but this one was 17 minutes.

Steven’s calisthenics routine, a callback to “Future Vision,” was on the chopping block to make the episode shorter but Rebecca wouldn’t allow it to be cut because she wanted to show that Steven’s been taking care of himself.

They were very excited to get a chance to cover some of the things in Future that they couldn’t squeeze into the original show, like the unbubbled Rose Quartzes, Volleyball, etc.

The new writers on the show also helped bring forward the idea of Steven finally making some of his OWN mistakes to fix.

This also helped construct the idea of Steven essentially being the “final boss” of his own battle.

Usually stories that involve someone being in a fight and winning don’t explore the effect just being in a fight has on a person, regardless of whether you won. 

Rebecca really wanted to play Ocarina of Time after beating it so she could go back to all the places and see how people were doing. She wanted this epilogue series to explore that a little too.

Little Homeschool is sort of a Tiny Toons reference--older cartoons teach younger cartoons how to be cartoons, and this is Gems teaching other Gems how to be Gems on Earth. 

Lamar came up with the silly joke about receiving that art set with all the different media types in it--the one artists are always getting from a well-meaning relative at holiday time.

A scrapped plot idea involved Volleyball/Pink Pearl as a sort of “mini-villain,” with a focus on her activating the un-activated Pearls.

There’s discussion of how victimization turns people into villains sometimes. But since showing that happening with Volleyball wouldn’t have served the interests of Steven’s arc, they couldn’t fit it in.

There was also a “very specific” Gem origin and Diamond origin story that’s quasi-religious in nature--it’s very cool and complicated. But they do not tell us what it is.

Ian and Joe both really wanted to have Jasper living alone in the woods and stacking rocks. They’re glad they got this series to do that with her.

There was originally an idea for a B-plot involving Jasper in the movie. They don’t discuss the specifics.

There were many ideas they didn’t get to work on because they would have started new arcs and Future was not about kicking new plots into gear.

“Mr. Universe” was the last episode they wrote/finished.

Miki really wanted to include a kiss between Connie and Steven to show their relationship was okay. Among the Crew everyone knew their relationship was basically eternal but Miki wanted to make sure WE knew that.

Steven driving conveyed momentum for Future; in the original show, we always came back to the laundry hand, back to home, but in Future that’s changed and home isn’t what it was. 

They were really excited that a gourd family made it to the crowd scene in Future.

Thanks for reading!

Note: The movie had some commentary tracks too, but the one on this DVD set is the same as the one released on the original standalone movie DVD, so I did not outline it here. Here is my post about the DVD commentary from the movie.

#steven universe #steven universe future #rebecca sugar #crewniverse #my su analysis #myblog

[somewhatgreatexpectations]

Wouldn’t It Be Nice? (Wanda Maximoff/ Reader)

Hello! May I present you all with part 2 of the "Love Goes” sequel. I’m still trying to decide on the name for it, but I’m really appreciating all the suggestions so feel free to keep sending them. A fair amount of dialogue from Wandavision is still used since it was necessary, but less than the first part for sure since the story is developing.

Songs used are “Wouldn’t It Be Nice?” by The Beach Boys (1966) and “This Magic Moment”  by The Drifters (1968). Hope you all enjoy!

Summary: As Y/n and Wanda attempt to settle into 1960s Westview, what shenanigans will they encounter? Will they be able to fit in?

“You’re a mystery around here, you know?”

Glancing up from your desk, you noticed the familiar figure of your partner leaning against the entryway of your office with a friendly smile on her face. “A mystery you say?” You questioned in amusement. 

Instead of answering right away, she moved further into the office and took a seat in one of your chairs. “Yes. We’ve been partners for weeks and I barely know anything about you besides the information that everyone already knows because you were an Avenger.”

You shrugged and leaned back in your chair. “Maybe that’s how I want it.” Was your cryptic response. 

“If you say so.” The woman rested her head on her palm thoughtfully. “One day you’re going to have to let someone in.”

“Maybe I already have. Maybe I’ve learned better.” You raised an eyebrow in challenge. 

For a moment she just stared at you, analyzing you. “So, you regret it then? Letting someone in?”

“I could never regret it.” You replied quickly, easily. 

She leaned forward with interest. “Does the reason for your mystery have a name?”

There was hesitation in your voice as you responded. “Wanda.” If you were going to be partners, it was only a matter of time until she found out anyway.

Her eyebrows raised slightly in recognition, everyone who worked there knew who Wanda was. “Hmm.” She hummed, her expression neutral. “I actually came in here to ask if you wanted to get dinner together? Maybe lift the shroud of mystery a bit more.” Her tone was teasing.

A soft chuckle escaped your lips. “Sure…” A name followed the word, but it was muffled. Almost as though you couldn’t remember it even in dreams. 

“Y/n.” The women said as you looked up at her with furrowed eyebrows. “Y/n. Y/n. Y/n.”

With a jolt, you sat up in bed, relaxing slightly when you realized you were in your shared room with your wife. “Y/n.” You heard again. Turning your head, your eyes landed on Wanda who was looking back at you with wide eyes. 

“Yes, my love?” You answered groggily through a yawn. 

Her expression became shy as she fiddled with the sheets. “I think I heard something at the window.”

Glancing towards the window you heard nothing but silence. “I’m sure it’s nothing, sweetheart.” You said reassuringly but got up when you saw her expression remained the same. “Allow me to put your mind at ease.”

Pushing aside the curtains, you glanced outside and saw nothing but the picturesque garden Wanda had lovingly put so much effort into. “What do you see?” She probed tentatively.  

“Only your lovely rose bushes.” You answered as you scanned the yard once more. When you were satisfied, you closed the curtains and turned back to face Wanda who still looked skeptical. “I assure you, I saw nothing amiss. You have no reason to be frighten-”

A bang against the window interrupted your sentence as you let out a squeak and dove into your bed to seek safety. You pulled your covers up to your chin. 

Wanda stared at you with an unamused expression as the disembodied voices laughed. “You were saying?”

“You know, I was reading an article in the newspaper about suspicious activity that’s been recently occurring in the neighborhood.” You mumbled defensively from behind your sheets. “Who knows what that could mean. Robbing house, vandalizing property-”

“Manipulating the earth, moving objects without touching them?” Wanda cut you off sarcastically. 

You tilted your head curiously. “You think they were referring to us?” Before Wanda could respond another thud against the window startled you both. You gasped and Wanda magically pulled the beds together. “One of us should really determine the source of that sound.” You suggested meekly.

Wanda set her lips in a line and shook her head at your antics. “Yes, one of us should.” She grumbled sarcastically.  Another thud tapped against the window, making you both jump again. “Oh, this is getting ridiculous. I’m going to take a look.” 

You grimaced as you both turned towards the window. Wanda waved her hand to open the curtains, only to find that the source of the sound came from a tree branch tapping against the window from the wind.

There was an awkward moment of silence as you both merely stared at the true source of the sound. “Well… I think we handled that well.” Wanda said lightly with a playful smile. 

You turned on your side to face Wanda with a smile to match hers. “Yes, I’m very proud of us. All the trees in the neighborhood will know not to disturb us from now on.” You said teasingly. You glanced down at the bed with a smirk. “I’m even more pleased with the way you’ve seized the opportunity to redecorate.”

Wanda grinned suggestively. “This is better, isn’t it?” She questioned as she waved her hand. Immediately the two separate beds transformed into a one large bed.

“Wanda, darling.”

Her eyes twinkled mischievously. “Yes, dear?”

You shifted closer. “Get the lights.” Wanda waved her hand to turn off the light as she pulled the covers over both your heads. As soon as the covers were over you both, you could feel her eagerly climb on top of you and connect your lips fervently. The disembodied voices gasped scandalously.

“You know, I’m beginning to think I should have been the assistant, darling.” You called out as you adjusted the hat that was placed precariously on your head.

There was a short pause before Wanda shouted her reply, “Just say the line!”

Sighing at her response, you turned back so you were facing out into the room. You took a moment to close your eyes and take a deep breath as you got into character. If you were going to do this, you were going to do it right.

“Ladies and gentlemen, for my final trick, I bring you…” You paused for dramatic effect. “The cabinet of mysteries.”

You gestured out into the open air where Wanda should have been, rubbing a hand down your face in amusement when she didn’t respond. “Darling. That’s your cue.” 

“Did you say cabinet of mysteries?” She called from the hallway. 

Stepping back, you gestured dramatically to the open space once again. “I said… Cabinet of mysteries!” You repeated even more theatrically.  

“Oh. That’s my cue.” Wanda said cutely as you could hear her struggle to push the large box into the room. 

Quickly rushing over to help her, you huffed at the weight of the object as you pulled it. “Doesn’t this seem like a bit… much?” You asked hesitantly. 

Wanda waved her hand dismissively. “You should hear about what some of the others are planning. Let’s keep going.” She urged, her eyes shining brightly with excitement.

When she looked at you like that, you were unable to deny her anything she wanted. You would have given her the moon and all the stars if she asked for them. 

You quickly got back into character. “Yes, okay. Where was I?” you mumbled to yourself. “Ah, yes! Watch closely as I, Terra, make my captivating assistant, Glamour… disappear!” You bit back laughter as Wanda posed dramatically. 

In unison, you opened the doors as Wanda stepped in, her eyes locked on yours adoringly. “You really are very stunning.” 

A blush spread across your cheeks as you smiled bashfully back at her. “Thank you, darling.” You stood with your hand resting against the doors. “Fear not, Glamour. I vow to bring you back exactly as you were.” Again, you had to bite back laughter at Wanda’s expression. 

A overly dramatic gasped escaped your wife’s lips as you closed the door. “Abracadabra!” You exclaimed as you tapped the box three times with the plastic wand. After a beat you opened the door once again to reveal the empty box. “Ta-da!”

Wanda began clapping as she stepped out from behind the trick door, a delighted smile on her face. “That was amazing!” When she received no response from you, her brows drew together apprehensively. “What’s wrong?”

“It still seems a little much.” You admitted sheepishly. “Plus, I think you’re a better fit for the magician than I am. Your powers are more aligned.”

Wanda stepped out of the box and made her way over to you. “Darling, it’s fine. In a real magic act everything is fake.” She reassured you “The talent show fundraiser is the most important event of the season. It’s our neighborly duty to participate… And our chance to appear as normal as possible while doing so.”

“We are the very definition of normal, dear.” You replied teasingly as you allowed yourself to float for a moment to emphasize your point before settling back to the floor. 

That’s new, you thought to yourself. 

If Wanda was surprised by your actions, she didn’t show it as she gently took your hands in her own and pulled you closer. “This is our home now. I want us to fit in.” There was vulnerability in her eyes which immediately put a stop to your joking.

Tenderly, you stroked the back of her hand with your thumb. “Oh, Wanda… We do. We will. I’ll make sure of it. And we’ll be the best act out there.” You promised her earnestly. Once again, you’d do anything for her. 

Wanda leaned forward and placed a short kiss on your lips in appreciation. 

“Especially with you wearing this.” You added with a wiggle of your eyebrows as you picked up her stage outfit and held it in front of her. 

Wanda shook her head in amusement. “That’s actually the rest of your costume.” She quipped teasingly. 

With a shrug, you held the costume against yourself. “I did say I would be better off as your assistant…” You trailed off as the disembodied laughter once again drifted into the air.

With a light hit to your shoulder Wanda took the costume back in her hands. “There will be no backing out now, Y/n.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” You pressed a soft kiss to her temple.

Briefly Wanda glanced down at her watch. “Well, I better get going if I want to make the planning committee meeting.”

Reaching over, you grabbed your cardigan off the couch and began pulling it over your blouse. “I should be off as well. I have a meeting with Ellie.” At the mention of your publisher’s daughter, Wanda’s eyed you, an uneasy expression on her face. 

“Why are you meeting with her, darling?” Wanda questioned with a tense smile.

Occupied by the buttons on your cardigan, you missed her expression. “It seems she takes after her father as she is the chief publisher of the town’s newspaper. After last night’s scare, I want to make sure the town is informed and prepared for any potential dangers.” You said seriously.

The tension in her shoulders melted away at your response as Wanda affectionately tugged you forward by the cardigan. “That’s a swell idea. You make sure you let all the tree branches in town know who’s boss.” She pulled you even closer and pecked your lips.

When you pulled away she adjusted your cardigan. “Would you look at us? Fitting right into Westview. Who would’ve thought?” You teased with a wink.

A short laugh escaped her lips as she looked at you fondly. “I’ll see you at curtain call.” She announced as she moved into the kitchen. You chuckled and departed through the front the door.  

Shortly after you left a loud thud caught Wanda’s attention. When she stepped outside a vibrant object in the bushes stood out easily against the monotonous tones that surrounded it. She looked around nervously. When she plucked the object out of the bush, she stared at it for a moment. The confusion in her eyes was clear as she held the object as though it was a threat.

The vibrant red helicopter was clearly out of place. 

“Look, it’s the star of the show!” 

Wanda jumped at the sudden voice as she dropped the toy back into the bush. “Agnes,” She gasped out as she clutched at her chest. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

Agnes’ smile never faltered as she raised the cage in her hand. “Oh, I brought my pet rabbit for your magic act.”

“Yes, of course! Thank you, Agnes.” Wanda said appreciatively as she took the cage from her and began walking in the direction of the house again. “We will take good care of him.” 

With a proud smile, Agnes called after Wanda, “Señor Scratchy just loves the stage. He played baby Jesus in last year’s Christmas pageant!”

Unsure of what to say to her comment, Wanda turned and laughed awkwardly as she placed the rabbit inside. ___________ When you arrived at the Westview tribune, you found Ellie’s office easily, except she seemed preoccupied by the papers in hands. The soft sound of music drifted quietly from the radio at her desk.

Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray, it might come true. Baby, then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldn't do. Oh, we could be married and then we'd be happy. Oh, wouldn't it be nice?

The music distracted you temporarily as your thoughts wandered – essentially entranced by the unfamiliar tune. Static over the song cut into your thoughts as what sounded like muffled speaking rolled over the instruments. Ellie didn’t react to the change in sound, almost as though she chose not to hear it. You figured she was just engrossed in her work. The muffled sounds lingered for a second longer before fading into the music once again. With a shake of your head, you remembered why you were there.

To get Ellie’s attention you knocked softly on the entryway, smiling politely when she looked up. “Hi, sorry to interrupt. Is now still a good time to discuss the neighborhood safety article?”

“Y/n. You’re not interrupting at all.” Ellie said dismissively as she leaned back in her chair and waved you in. “Lay it on me.” 

You took a seat in one of her chairs. “Well, I was recently reading an article in the tribune about suspicious activity in the neighborhood and I thought it might be relevant to feature an additional article discussing safety protocols and tips.” You pitched enthusiastically. 

A minute passed without a word. “I think that’s a swell idea, Y/n.” She finally said with a smile.

An excited smile crossed your features as you attempted to contain yourself. “My wife said the same thing.” You admitted bashfully.

With an amused smile, Ellie rested her head against her palm as she scrutinized you. “Well, it’s clear she has excellent taste.” She paused briefly. “She is married to you after all.”

Unsure of how to respond to the comment, you decided to ignore it entirely.

 Hesitantly, you stood up and offered her a hand which she easily took. “Thank you for meeting with me today, but I really should be going. I want to get to the talent show location early to get everything ready for Wanda. Today means a lot to her.” 

Ellie stood with you and stepped around her desk. “The talent show isn’t for a good while. Stay and chat. Maybe lift the shroud of mystery a bit more.” She said playfully.

Her words caused you to recoil as remnants of your dream from the night before flashed through your mind. “Sure… Ellie.” You responded unsurely. 

“Are you alright, Y/n?” Ellie’s eyebrows knitted together in concern as she took a hold of your elbow.

For some reason, you couldn’t help but feel something familiar in the action. It wasn’t flirtatious, it was comforting. Like the touch of an old friend. “I’m fine.” You paused as you attempted to gather your thoughts. “Just déjà vu.” You insisted.

There was still hesitance in Ellie’s eyes as she released her hold of your elbow. “If you say so.” Suddenly, she snapped her fingers, which caused you to jump slightly. “Maybe you can get into the neighborhood watch committee.”

You nodded eagerly, relieved her focus was back to the article. “I can do that.”

“Between you and me, I think it’s just an excuse for the men in the neighborhood to eat pastries.” She whispered in a mock-conspirator voice.

A short laugh escaped your lips. “Even more of a reason to join.” Once again, you glanced down at your watch. “I really should be going now though.”

Ellie nodded, knowing there would be no convincing you otherwise. “Before you go, do you mind helping me get a box of books down from my bookshelf?” She gestured to the box on a shelf slightly above your height, but just out of Ellie’s own reach.

“Sure thing.” You made your over the shelf and began sliding the box off the shelf, so you could get a better hold of it.

Just as the box was teetering precariously along the edge of the shelf the static on the radio flared as a single word slipped through clearly. “Y/n.” The sudden appearance of your name startled you as the box fell off the shelf and knocked you in the head, causing you to fall.

A surprised gasp escaped Ellie’s lips as she rushed over to kneel by your side. “Are you okay?”

When you looked up, there were three different versions of the woman before you swimming in your vision. “’m fine.” You mumbled out as you rubbed the side of your head.

Cautiously Ellie helped you up, her eyes skeptical. “If you say so. Here, at least take this pain reliever.” She quickly walked over to her desk and grabbed the medicine before handing it to you. 

To appease her you took the medicine. “Have a nice... work time.” You said unsurely as the thoughts in your head became muddled. On unsteady feet you made your way out of the office and began your trek to the location of the talent show, not wanting to keep Wanda waiting. ____________________ Hurriedly, you rushed up the steps to the gazebo where your wife was waiting anxiously. On the last step you stumbled and fell on your side. An amused chuckle escaping your lips. “Wanda,” You said unsteadily with a crooked smile when your wife came into your view. “You look breathtaking.” 

“Where were you? Did something happen?” Wanda rushed over and helped you up, her brows knit together in worry. 

Her question fell on deaf ears as you leaned heavily against her. Your eyes settled on the women who was on your other side seemingly ready to catch you if you fell again. “Well, hello there.” You said with a goofy grin. “Have we met? I apologize if we have, I don’t even know the name of my desk mate. My name is Y/n Y/ln… or is it Maximoff? We never discussed the logistics.” 

Much to Wanda’s relief the woman seemed amused by your antics. “We have not. I’m Geraldine.” The women replied, offering you a hand which you shook rapidly. With an awkward smile she stepped back. “I’ll be over there checking on the other acts.”

Geraldine walked away, and you continued leaning into Wanda. “Where were you?” she repeated, her eyes still wide with worry.

“Was just at the tribune. I might have gotten lost on the way here. I heard the loveliest song.” You rambled deliriously with a wave of your hand. 

Ignoring your words, Wanda tried to get you to stand on your own. When you were properly upright, she took your hand in hers, her expression serious. “Listen, something strange happened today, Y/n. It’s hard to explain.”

Your eyes widened in an overdramatic fashion. “Did the man in the radio try to talk to you too?” you said in a poorly executed whisper.

“Man in the radio? What? Y/n, no. What is going on?” Wanda questioned, her concern growing. 

Geraldine rushed over, interrupting the conversation. “You are!”

Indistinctly you could feel Wanda adjust the hat on your head as she rushed away. You began fiddling with the ring on your finger as your mind wandered. “Hey! Hey! You’re up!” Geraldine whispered urgently as she ushered you out onto the stage.

When stepped onto the stage, you felt as though the floor below you shifted which caused you to stumble into a post. “Pardon me, I’m sorry.” You mumbled as you staggered down the steps. “Hello, Westview!” You shouted dramatically. “Good afternoon, it’s lovely to be here! I’m Terra, Glamour’s assistant!” you declared confidently. 

“What she means is I’m Glamour, her assistant and she’s terra the illusionist.” Wanda corrected with a dramatic wave of her hands. 

“Yeah… what she said.” You turned towards the audience with wide arms and a deliriously bright smile. “Today, we will lie to you and you will believe us!” You shouted boldly as Wanda’s smile faltered slightly. “Because you are all naïve and easily amused by simple slights of hand. And fooled by basic illusions due to how little you’ve seen! Flourish!” 

The strained smile on Wanda’s face remained as you wandered over to the opposite side of the stage. “You just do it, you don’t say it out loud, honey.”

You waved a hand dismissively as you attempted to search through your muddled mind for the rest of the act. “Now, my wife and I will delight in your dumbstruck little faces. Flourish!” You repeated as you allowed yourself to float into the air. 

Thinking quickly Wanda waved her fingers and a rope attached itself to you as the crowd chattered excitedly. You turned sideways in the air from the rope as Wanda maneuvered it to lift you higher. You felt your head spin even more than it was before. “Wanda! Darling, let me down! I’m feeling dizzy!” You shouted indignantly. 

Thankfully Wanda let you down moments later, her concerned expression breaking through her show façade. 

You attempted to recall the next portion of the act, but eventually gave up when you spotted a car parked just off stage. Metal. Perfect. “How about a fantastical feat of strength?” You maneuvered your fingertips so that they were barely resting on the bottom of the car. With a quick wink to the audience, you turned to focus on the car again. 

With a slight wiggle of your fingers the car began to float just above your hand, so it looked like you were picking it up. 

“Illusions!” Wanda shouted nervously and made her way over to you after she wiggled her fingers. “Terra is the master of illusions! Allow me.” She took the now cardboard car from your hands, making sure the audience saw that it was indeed cardboard.

When she turned she winked at the audience. “Whoops! You weren’t supposed to see how we did that trick.”

Feeling yourself getting sleepy, you decided to jump forward to the final part of the act. A portion that you actually felt you remembered. “Ladies and gentlemen, for our grand finale, I bring you the box of… magic?” You shouted semi-confidently, unable to think of the name you had practiced just that morning.  

Wanda took the hint and began wheeling out the box. “The cabinet of mysteries!” She corrected.

“Yeah, yeah. What she said.” You pulled open the doors to show the box was empty inside. “I will now make my wife disappear!” 

“Are you sure you don’t want an audience volunteer named my husband Ralph?” Agnes called out from the audience.

You forced a chuckle along with the audience, “Haha- no.” You mumbled flatly as you closed the doors to the cabinet. “Abracadabra!” you weakly hit the box with the plastic wand, proud of yourself for remembering that step.

Wanda looked around nervously. “Uh, sweetheart?” 

“Yeah?”

“Hi.”

“Oh.” You said, realizing you forgot the most important step. The crowd quickly started chanting what’s in the box.

Both you and Wanda exchanged timid glances as Wanda’s smile became strained. Her body language showing her obvious discomfort with the situation. Subtly, she wiggled her fingers once more. 

With hesitant hands, you pulled open the doors with Wanda to reveal a very confused Geraldine. 

The crowd cheered enthusiastically. All three of you took hands and bowed. “Flourish.” You muttered sheepishly for the final time. “Let’s get out of here.” You mumbled to Wanda as you ran off stage. 

When you were safely backstage, you turned towards Wanda with a guilty look on your face. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m so stupid.” You cried as you sat yourself on the floor and covered your face in shame. 

Wanda hastily made her way over to you and delicately placed her hands on your cheeks as she tried to get you to look at her. “Y/n. Y/n, it’s alright. Hey, it’s okay.” She reassured you as she attempted to urge your eyes up to meet hers. “But what is going on with you?”

You threw your hands up in frustration. “I don’t know! It all started when all of Ellie’s books fell on my head and then she gave me medicine that made me feel worse.” You whimpered.

Wanda’s eyes softened. “Oh, sweetheart. Let’s get you home, so you can sleep it off.” She gently coaxed you up. “And before Dottie and the planning committee can string us up for ruining the show.

Wordlessly you agreed with her plan and took her by the hand as you both attempted to sneak passed the audience. 

“You two! Stop right there.” Wanda’s hand tensed in your own as you both turned to face Dottie who was on stage. “Nothing like what you two did has ever happened in the history of our talent show.”

You squeezed Wanda’s hands comfortingly as you stared down at the floor in shame. “Dottie,” Wanda began fearfully. “We are so-“

“Hilarious!” The woman interrupted Wanda. You both shared a look of surprise. “That was the most hilarious act we have ever seen. Wouldn’t you all agree?” The crowd cheered.

Dottie gestured you both on stage which you both uncomfortably complied with. “On behalf of the planning committee I would like to award you with the inaugural comedy performance of the year.” Wanda beamed proudly as she took the offered trophy. The look on her face made everything worth it to you.

You smiled deliriously at the sight as you rubbed your head which was still spinning. 

As the crowd cheered you gestured Geraldine forward into your final bow, everything after blurring together so much that you couldn’t remember it. _______________ When you came to again, you were on the couch at home. Your head resting in Wanda’s lap as she stroked your hair soothingly. “Hi, sweetheart. How are you feeling?” She asked softly when she noticed your eyes flutter open.

You sat up and blinked a few times. “Much better, my love. Heads all clear again.” You answered as you knocked lightly on the side of your head. “Though I don’t remember everything that happened.”

Wanda chuckled softly and pecked your cheek. “I think it’s better you don’t, darling. While you were amusing in your delirious state, nothing can beat the Y/n I know and love.” Wanda leaned into your side as you wrapped an arm around her. “I don’t know what I was so worried about. It wasn’t so hard to fit in after all.” She admitted. 

You rubbed your hand up and down her arm tenderly. “And all we had to do was be ourselves.”

“With a few modifications.” Wanda added with an amused smile. 

For a moment you both just settled in the comfort of the moment before you stood up and made your way over to the radio, turning it on. “Let’s celebrate.” You suggested as you fiddled with the knobs.

Sweeter than wine, softer than the summer night. Everything I want I have, whenever I hold you tight. This magic moment, while your lips are close to mine, will last forever. Forever ‘til the end of time.

Satisfied with the music, you turned back to Wanda and offered her your hand. “I was wondering if I may have this dance, my love?”

Wanda stared up at you with loving eyes as she took your offered hand and stood up. “You certainly may.” 

Gently, you pulled her closer. Your arms wrapped securely around her waist as hers rested over your shoulders. The feeling was comforting and familiar. Everything either of you ever needed. Wanda’s eyes stayed on yours, glimmering with pure love and happiness, the look mirrored in your own expression. For a moment you both just swayed in place to the rhythm of the song, your heads pressed gently together as you cherished being there in that moment. 

The moment was short-lived as static rolled over the music playing much like it did earlier in the day. Both you and Wanda pulled away to stare at the radio. 

Once again, the muffled speaking began, this time much stronger than before. “Wanda.” The voice called out clearly, this time addressing your wife. You didn’t know why but you knew that you recognized the voice. You just couldn’t place a name to the voice. “Wanda. Can you hear me? What happening, Wanda?” 

You turned to look at Wanda, unease in your eyes. “What’s going on?” you questioned, but her eyes remained locked on the radio. 

Before Wanda could say anything, a loud thud outside caught your attention. The abruptness of the sound making you jump and effectively distracting you both from the radio. “If it’s the damn tree again, I’m going to rip it up by the roots.” You announced as you stormed outside, the radio forgotten as Wanda followed closely behind you. 

You walked to the edge of the yard, looking around as Wanda stopped beside you. “I don’t see anything.” She said lightly. 

Almost as soon as the words left her lips, a mysterious figure came out of the drain cover. “Wanda. What is that?” you stepped protectively over to her, your arm wrapping around her from behind.  

The figure turned their head in your direction. “No.” Wanda said sharply. 

Satisfied with the music, you turned back to Wanda and offered her your hand. “I was wondering if I may have this dance, my love?”

Wanda stared up at you with loving eyes as she took your offered hand. “You certainly may.”

You froze slightly when Wanda stood up. “Um. Wanda.” 

“Hmm, what?” She questioned with a cute tilt of her head. Your eyes fell to her abdomen which had become round with the signs of pregnancy. You delicately placed your hand on her stomach as she gasped. “Y/n… is this really happening?” The smile she gave you was so bright that it could have rivaled the sun. 

You brought her hand up to your lips and pressed a soft kiss to the palm of her hand. “Yes, my love. It’s really happening.”

Lovingly Wanda leaned forward and connected your lips in a sweet kiss as the disembodied voices cooed at the action. When you pulled away Wanda cupped your cheek, a surprised look in her eyes when she looked at you. “Y/n.” 

You both looked around in awe as the home around you became rich with vibrant colors. Like magnets you were drawn back together as you both met in a loving kiss. . . . . . . . . The group once again watched you and Wanda share a sweet kiss as the credits rolled on the screen before them. A moment of tense silence hung in the air as they attempted to process what they just saw. 

“You got her pregnant!” Natasha finally shouted at Steve, smacking him in the back of the head. 

Darcy tried to choke back a laugh at the sudden comment as she fumbled with the technology, not wanting to get caught in the crossfire. “I don’t think that’s how pregnancy works.” She mumbled to herself.

Steve rubbed the back of his head with a frown. “I didn’t get her pregnant, Nat.” He huffed in annoyance. “And I might not be a scientist, but I know Y/n couldn’t impregnate her either. I’m pretty sure Wanda got herself pregnant.”

“Yeah, well, one minute they’re dancing and then you try and talk to them and suddenly Wanda’s pregnant. I blame you.” Natasha countered with a roll of her eyes. “Which, by the way, while Y/n was lifting heavy objects over her head? Really?”

Darcy’s eyes widened in amusement as she tried to keep her expression neutral. 

“That… wasn’t my finest moment.” Steve admitted shamefully as he rubbed his temples in embarrassment. 

As the two Avengers were arguing Fury shut off the television. “What’s done is done. Now that we have Monica in there under the guise of working for S.W.O.R.D. we can potentially receive some intel. Even though she seems deeply immersed in her character. And,” He waved a file in his hand. “I know who Ellie Hart is. You two might want to hear this.”

Part 2! I will admit I had slight trouble writing this since it was still fairly restricted by Wandavision because it’s necessary to set up the story still. Well, as always, I hope you all enjoyed! And let me know your thoughts, remember they are always welcome! :)

#wanda maximoff #wanda #wanda maximov #wanda marvel #wandavision #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda x y/n #wanda x you #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff fic #wanda maximoff x female reader #wanda maximoff x y/n #wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximoff fanfiction #wanda maximoff imagine #The Avengers #avengers x you #avengers x y/n #mcu x reader #wanda mcu #MCU x Y/N

[shanastoryteller]

Questions about outlines: How detailed are they? Are they the same level of detail or do they vary? How do you make your outlines? Chronologically scene by scene? Or do you come up with the scenes that call you and then come up with smaller filler scenes to fill in the gaps? Do you have outlines for each chapter? Or just for the larger general plot points? Do you try to complete the outlying before starting the fic? Or do you add to the outline as you go? Sorry if this is to many at once

lmao okay i got several asks about outlines but i’m just going to answer this one because it’s ~comprehensive~

every writing teacher i’ve ever had has hated my outlines. my friends find them incomprehensible.

if people are going to look at my answers as ways to do their own outlines, i have to say: that’s probably not a good idea

i don’t write outlines a majority of the time

i don’t write outlines to plan a story i’ve already decided to write

i write outlines primarily as a way to exorcise story ideas that i want to write but don’t want to actually commit to writing (answer prompts are another way i do this lol)

now, some things do get outlines as a way to plan and organize. survival is a talent has an outline because it’s 400k and spans six years. child king had an outline. needy’s body had an outline. 

b u t

i’m currently writing rotten work without an outline

lynchpin didn’t have an outline

hope is the thing with feathers didn’t have an outline

never grow a wishbone only had an outline for the first couple of chapters 

an invincible summer didn’t get an outline until like. chapter 4 of 6. 

i just. uh. think about what i want to happen and then hope i remember to write it down. even when i do an outline, i’ll deviate from it wildly, and not update it to reflect that, because i know what i’m doing (ha!)

so! with that in mind, let’s go! 

How detailed are they? Are they the same level of detail or do they vary?

they vary! but honestly - not very. sometimes i’ll write out a paragraph or bits of dialogue that are important to me, but most of the time it’s just broad strokes of what i want to happen, or a mechanism of how something complicated happens. like i have several paragraphs in my siat outline dealing with necromancy books, but like. two sentences on how they actually occur in the story because that’s just something i’m trusting myself to figure out when i sit down to write it.  

 How do you make your outlines? Chronologically scene by scene? Or do you come up with the scenes that call you and then come up with smaller filler scenes to fill in the gaps? 

I try to put them chronologically, although sometimes that’s a little hard (in siat i have several scenes that i know will happen, i just don’t know when). that is something i will go back and edit on my outlines, is if i’ve changed the order the something happens i’ll go back and copy and paste until my outlines is in the right order. but only if the outlines is something i’m actually using to write and the story is longer than a couple of chapters. 

because my outlines are so very not detailed, i just write down what it is that i want to write, like the reason i’m going to write this or want to write this, and figure out the rest later. i’ll fill it in later - or i won’t! because most of the time i don’t use my outline to actually write the story, and i use it more as an idea list, so if i don’t know what happens between scenes or i find it boring i just won’t write it down

like, for example, here is my “outline” for won’t even plant a garden in it’s entirety 

weep as a woman

“you weep as a woman weeps.” “and how is that?” “as if the future rests on your hips, and you must walk it forward.”

crowley and eve were friends. cain killed abel with the flaming sword, and crowley begged them to say it was with a rock instead

crowley was raphael the painter and fucked michelangelo

crowley was there the night yeshua was born, was friends with mary, helped raise yeshua?

ghosts

crowley and anathema and joan of arc

i ended up dropping most of this and crowley ended up sleeping with both eve and yeshua as the major plot points. i don’t explain stuff, really. i know what i mean so i just don’t bother to get very detailed most of the time. 

Do you have outlines for each chapter? Or just for the larger general plot points?

siat i divide up by year, and i think i did it by chapter for the last two chapters of build your wings on the way down, but otherwise it’s just one long list. i do my chapters based on words counts rather than content, so outlining by chapter doesn’t really make sense for me (siat is always around 15k a chapter, and everything else  i do these days thats multi chapter is around 8k because that’s the best, but ngawb was 5k a chapter and i think for child king it was around 11k a chapter)

Do you try to complete the outlying before starting the fic? Or do you add to the outline as you go?

I’m constantly adding as a i go! my outlines are never really “complete” they’re just abandoned. i write down what i think will help me and tend to ignore the rest. sometimes i just. talking to myself in my outlines when i’m trying to think something through. 

my outline for child king is under the cut because that’s one that’s a good mix of stuff i kept and stuff i threw out. DON’T JUDGE ME!! bad ideas don’t get written because they’re bad!! it’s part of the ~process~ 

child king

Summary: “A child king is still a king,” Deaton says softly. “A child king is still a child,” he snaps, but he knows this is an argument he’s already lost.  – Stiles is a born alpha, and after the Hale fire, things get real complicated, real fast.

Stiles’s mom is the last remaining human from a pack that was destroyed by hunters. John is the one that helps her after, so he knows everything. When they move to beacon hills she doesn’t feel the need to say anything to the hale pack, because as far as they’re concerned she’s just a human, and she doesn’t want to get involved in pack business. But then stiles is born with red eyes. The doctor is quiet and scared john and Claudia freak out, but it’s because he’s a werewolf, which is a relief to parents because they thought something was wrong with their kid. Maybe they don’t know he’s an alpha, only that he’s a wolf? Or they know and they keep it a secret on purpose

Claudia is the one to approach mrs. Hale. She tells her that her son is a born werewolf, but that she’s not interested in joining their pack. Her husband is a new deputy and they just bought a house but they’ll move if they have to. “he’ll need a pack one day. It’s safer,” she says. “if he wants to join you one day, I won’t stop him. But that’s not a choice I’m willing to make for him.” Mrs hale agrees that they can say separate as in exchange for the sheriff smoothing over some ruffled feathers no and again. They agree. Claudia to sheriff “we’re going to have to move one day. Our son is an alpha, and he’ll need to make his own pack.”

Stiles is seven the first time he snarls at his mom, eyes flashing red, and she freezes. She’s got the pack instinct, it doesn’t matter that hes her kid, hes still her alpha, so its hella awkward. John can see how this will quickly spiral out of control if they can discipline their own kid. But stiles is the one to back down first, apologizing and doing as he’s told. There are careful power structures here, and this is the beginning of differentiating between stiles the human and stiles the wolf.

When his mom gets sick, stiles offers to turn her. Hale offers to turn her. She refused for Reasons that I have to figure out. Maybe the politics of it? Wanting to protect stiles and not wanting to become part of the hale pack

The fire happens. John ships stiles the hell out of dodge, because there are hunters about. He snoops around enough to figure out it was kate argent, but theres not really anything he can do about it

Scott knows about everything, and tries to tell his mom in a really akward way that they should trust stiles if they’re ever in danger, but she just laughs it off. Except when someone breaks in and threatens her with a gun, and she manages to make a phone call, it’s not 911, not john, but stiles, and she doesn’t even know why, regrets it as soon as it happens. But then stiles shows up and breaks both of the guys, eyes glowing red, and then calls his dad and scott to take care of it, because they’re humans, so they get human punishments. Melissa is told everything.

Scott has a bad asthma attack and, and Melissa asks about the bite. Scott is itching for it. He wants it so badly. Stiles has already promised to turn them when they turn 18, and Melissa knows that. She asks if theres a reason to wait, and the answer is nah, not really. So he gets the bite. Stiles being like uh psa punishments cant include scott staying away

After hale fire and stiles gets back, he’s shocked that hey just left, and that they left peter behind. He starts visiting peter several times a week. He tells his dad that they should pay for his medical care. They have a fuckton of money because his mom inherited all the pack wealth, and john doesn’t touch it because that’s stiles’s money, that’s werewolf money. But this is a werewolf thing, so he agrees. “his pack left him dad.”

Stiles bites Erica when they’re 14. Some point in middle school stiles wises up to the Isaac thing and tells his dad he needs to arrest his dad, or stiles is going to kill him, and he’s not even a little bit joking. Stiles hears Isaac crying while going by the house? In johns squad car. Makes them pull over, then bursts into the house. John goes with it because his son’s eyes are red.

Some point after the hales leave, things start trying to move into hale territory. Some wolves? Stiles smells them, and ends up at 10 years old telling them to fuck off. This how scott finds out? He’s with scott and his dad. Deaton is facing off against something? Panics when stiles intervenes, but stiles goes wolfy and red eyes and is like. This is mine now fuck off. Looks at the hale house, and finally says, we have to take care of this. We have to. But they don’t own the house or the land or any of it. They do … something

Stiles ends up having to deal with a lot of crap real young

Stiles has scott and Isaac when peter wakes up. Stiles is there, and peter isn’t crazy because he wasn’t abandoned to die alone. Stiles says he can stay, or he can go, not trying to pressure anything. Peter chooses to become part of stiles’s pack, because his family is either dead or abandoned him. Peter ends up moving in with them as he finishes healing and to get used to being in a pack and with stiles. It’s very strange for john, but it’s a werewolf thing and he’s trying to be supportive. After a couple months, stiles tells his dad that having peter is a relief, that there’s finally someone who knows things, someone older who can support him as a werewolf. Peter acts as his second, and he finally has some degree of authority that age has lost him. Stiles has peter take care of the hale house. Peter and stiles have the conversation, where peter is like the hale land is your land now. You’re the alpha of beacon hills. He does what stiles directs him to.

Isaac is living with scott under stiles’s direction ish. But lots of Melissa. Isaac like I don’t wantto be afraid anymore, I don’t want to hurt anymore, and stiles is like. Okay. We’ll fix this. But he doesn’t bite Isaac until he goes to a shitton of therapy and has mostly sorted himself out. For isaac’s fifteenth birthday, he bites him.

Erica is spur of the moment, it’s something that all instinct and very little thought. OR they’re dating and it happesn? Erica’s parents suck. Stiles doesn’t want the balancing act of being boyfriend and alpha.

Jackson is so fucking desperate to belong to something. He nags and nags and nags and finally stiles bites him at least half to shut him up.

“dad can I talk to you about something weird and uncomfortable and a little creepy” talks about crush on Lydia, and how he’s not sure if its because he has a crush on her or if it’s bc he thinks she’ll be good for the pack. Lydia joins before Jackson, and she’s the one that pushes stiles into it. Lydia and stiles are not dating, but she’s clearly high in the hiarchey.

Boyd? Just like. Shows up. Idk.

So by the time laura and derek show up, stiles’s pack is: john, Melissa, peter, Lydia, Jackson, danny, Isaac, boyd, Erica, deaton (who’s acting as emissary but is training danny). Maybe bring in some later characters, like malia and kira and cora. Ooooh maybe the twins show up before they became alphas, still run aways and looking for something else? Stiles takes them on. Stiles finds malia early on after the fire

Peter is willing to forgive derek but he has a lot of shit with laura. Stiles agrees to let laura and derek stay and not be part of his pack, although laura insists she doesn’t need his permission. She snaps at peter to come home with them, and he looks at her like she’s insane. He says there’s no hale pack, and if there was, he’s not interested. He’s a stillinkski wolf now. Cora too maybe? Double blow. Peter owns the hale land, and he makes it clear the day stiles turns 18 he’ll be signing it over to him. Stiles is known by the surrounding packs.

Stiles has to somehow defend the surrounding area, has to make it clear he’s his and that he’s not willing to give it up. It’s valuable land. People are going to come looking for it once people figure out it’s abandoned. When deaton finds out stiles is an alpha, he goes around as an emissary to the surrounding packs. Saying that its under stiles now. He’s known to them so it goes mostly uncontested. This is when he and the sheriff have the child king conversation.

Stiles tries really, really hard to be a good alpha. That means controlling the territory, and working with other packs when members go rouge or something goes wrong. He’s thirteen the first time he goes to lend a hand in a fight, and it’s young, it’s too young, but he’s an alpha. He has to do this, to maintain the peace. And the thing is – stiles is good at this, good at not pushing, at not using his status as a crutch or an excuse, instead as a tool.

Maybe this is why no one cares for laura’s excuses. As much as laura wasn’t ready to take on the responsibility, she was an adult, if only barely. Stiles is a literal child, and in her absence shouldered it all. So even if she does technically have a claim, none of them are willing to honor it. “if you kill alpha stiles, you won’t have allies, you’ll have enemies.”

Allison and argents. Stiles brings his pack to kill kate. Gives peter the chance to do it himself, and is so very proud when he says no. but instead of letting her go free, stiles crushes her throat. “revenge would have been trapping you all in here and setting the whole thing on fire. Justice would have been making you watch as she burned alive. This was mercy, and don’t you forget it.” Scott is hella in love with Allison, but he knows this comes first. Her mom is full of hatred, but stiles more than makes it clear that he has no problem with killing her too.

Stiles sees derek soon after. They’ve already gone back and forth a lot. But he and laura weren’t there. Stiles tells him what he did. They have a ~moment~

Derek wants so very much to join stiles’s pack, but he doesn’t want to lose laura.

Something finally convinces laura to take the plunge and the stillinksi pack is one happy family

#asks #anon #writing advice

[anthemxix]

So... how far did Cia go exactly? I haven’t played hw but I’ve read several fics, and she’s always very... extreme.

hi anon! thank you for your ask!

by “extreme,” i’m thinking you mean stories where she’s a psycho who tortures link or forces unwanted sexual advances on him. which makes for fantastic angst! but that characterization of cia has never felt quite authentic to me.

in the game, she has a roomful of his portraits, like a shrine. that’s extreme. she technically starts a war because of him, which is very extreme, but i don’t think that’s about lusting after him, as people often joke. she says some off-putting stuff, and you could infer that she behaves in an inappropriately “seductive” way, but. she doesn’t really. do anything, like fics might imply. she’s creepy and lewd. i’m sure she makes him uncomfortable as hell. but as for what she does, the extremeness in fics is mostly fan extrapolation.

that’s my short answer! but i kinda got carried away while responding to this, and. um. wrote a lengthy character analysis of cia? XD i thought about not including it, but i spent so much time thinking about/writing this that i’ll go ahead and share.

in my opinion, hw does not present a clear picture of cia, and it skews fan interpretation of her.

(putting this under a cut because it got long 😅)

the story the game gives at the start is straightforward. there's a "guardian of time" (whatever that means) who watches over everything but never interferes. she admires the purity of the hero's spirit. she comes to love the heroes, then to want them. she's lonely. she doesn't want to just watch anymore. she wants to experience love.

gradually her desires become something darker. she doesn't only want the companionship, she wants to possess.

ganon sees this darkness in her heart and causes a split. the darkness separates from her, becomes its own person (a la dark link). the "good" part is lana, the "bad" part is cia.

for ganon, this is all part of a larger plan. in hw, his spirit is divided into four fragments that have been sealed away in different eras. he manipulates cia and gets her to open time gates so he can gather all the fragments together. a key fact: one of the fragments has been sealed away by the master sword, so ganon needs a hero to draw the sword.

cia willingly allows herself to be ganon's pawn because in so doing, in starting a war to force the hero to emerge, she thinks she'll get what she wants. throughout the story, she gives more and more of herself to ganon, fracturing her own spirit further and further, because she is so desperate to claim the hero for herself, to own him. lana repeatedly warns her to stop before she does irreparable damage to herself, but she doesn't listen, and ultimately she...well, dies, i guess. fades from existence. (that's how the original hw ending goes. they added stuff on later that changed this.)

ok, so. we have some interesting stuff going on here. arguably, cia is a tragic figure. a victim even. her underlying motivation is loneliness. viewing it through this lens, the story becomes an exploration of what isolation does to a person. how desperate it can make us. how we become willing to sacrifice anything for love--and i mean "love" broadly, not in a romantic sense. how it makes us vulnerable to manipulation and abuse.

let's also not forget the whole reason she focuses on the hero's spirit to begin with. after witnessing all the atrocities of history, she admires the purity and goodness and self-sacrifice of the hero. it has nothing to do with link being attractive. in her temple (the temple of souls), she has statues of different heroes from different eras, including wolf link and oot/mm link. she is certainly not lusting after an animal or a child, i assure you.

so why does she have frickin portraits of hw link, specifically, (not any other hero's spirit incarnations) plastered all over her walls, if not for lusty purposes? why does she dress so damn seductively? i'm not claiming lust isn't part of it, but i think there's more. she wants to feel surrounded by him, you know? she wants to feel like he's looking at her the same way that she looks at him--with desire. it's delusion.

and holy hell, she's nothing if not deluded. some examples of her actual in-game dialogue: "no matter what betrayals I may suffer, at least I know the hero will always love and protect me." and [to herself, as she's losing a fight] "the hero is still by my side... the hero is still by my side..."

and it's sad. she pretends that he loves her, that he will protect her, because she doesn't have any real love in her life. she doesn't have anyone.

and what's even sadder is that she's condemned to all these feelings and delusions because that's who she is. she is corruption and darkness personified! she's doomed to this lonely hell, to being ganon's servant, to self-destruction.

that's how tragedy, and tragic figures, are defined: hubris. characters that have an innate flaw that inevitably leads to their downfall. that's what a traditional tragedy is.

don't get me wrong here. i'm not saying she had no choice, or that she had to start a war. she can be tragic and we can sympathize with her while also accepting the fact that she's corrupted beyond redemption. morality isn't black-and-white. our understanding of characters, or of real people, isn't black-and-white.

...but. BUT. there is a major "but" here. the game sabotages its own character and its own story. the game opts for the path of least resistance. screw grey areas of morality, screw the tragedy of loneliness, screw exploring vulnerability and abuse and hubris... they sensationalize. cia is a joke.

have you seen her frickin outfit? her character design? she's an uber-sexualized caricature. all those portraits of link in her temple can easily be viewed as a joke, too. "lol, look at this crazy, horny bitch." hell, they even have her say innuendos about the master sword, like, “come show me what your sword can do” or something to that effect. 🙄

it's all very surface level. they don't go deep at all with cia. they give us no substance, only these little bread crumbs of information that i've laid out for you. and not only that, they set this up so that it feeds into old stereotypes. the salient details easily allow us to interpret cia, consciously or not, as an embodiment of feminine hysteria, a woman guided by irrational emotion and obsession, fixated on winning the ultimate prize of a man's love.

so koei tecmo's own confused presentation of this character muddles up fan interpretation and has us falling back on the familiar stereotypes we know and understand. that’s the basis for these depictions of cia as extreme. that’s what fans are extrapolating from when they try to imagine how she might act or what she might say. so in the end, she isn’t really depicted with accuracy. she’s like a caricature of a caricature at that point.

…or at least, that’s my opinion. 🥴

#if you actually read all this: ty ilysm ❤️ #i feel like it's a real toss-up coming into my ask box #like will i answer you same day or 3 weeks from now? #will i write like 2 sentences or an essay? #will i respond with angst? or in a goofy uwu way? #or will i write an unnecessary rant/analysis that's only semi-related to your question? #lmao i'm sorry #bless you all for taking your chances #anthem answers #loz #hw

[jimmygibbsjrrr]

What are your favorite voice lines for each survivor and why? (for example, I die when Nick says "you are the first three people in the world I have ever trusted")

I think I have one for everyone (or at least, one picked outta a few favourites) but I really struggled for a coupla them lol

I know and love a lot of these lines because I play on a lovely modded server where a lot of people use voice mods, and I've heard a lot of these lines from the players there, so if they seem random or you've never heard them before that's why! a lot of em are one-off saferoom lines, or dialogue dependent on doing something specific with a certain character. that's also why I seem to gravitate towards the funny one-liners, but there's some more serious/story-related ones here too

also this post ended up being so fucking long! sorry about that! I put a cut in the middle so it's easier to scroll past

Louis:

Louis: "But you know, as long as I have a Molotov I can make a firewall! Get it Francis? A firewall?"

Louis is my favourite and he's got so many banging lines so you'd think this one would be hard for me to choose, but I had to go with this one! the line's originally from The Sacrifice but it's a favourite for Louis players with voice mods. thanks to that, I've got a lotta good memories associated with it from that modded server I talked about. first time I heard it I genuinely laughed because the punchline being that funny caught me off guard. the joke is adorable, very fitting for his character, and the reactions are priceless:

Zoey: "Oh, boooo." Francis: "You're such a nerd."

honourable mention to any conversation about Bill being old because that shit's funny every time

Francis:

Francis: "Groovy." Louis/Zoey: [Short laugh] Francis: "What's so funny? It is groovy."

alternatively:

Francis: "Groovy." Zoey: "[Imitating] Groovy." Francis: "A-FRICKIN'-men."

honestly could have picked any line for Francis because he's so funny but this one is the one that makes me laugh most consistently. that's. that's it really. I just think it's funny. he says this when he picks up an auto shotgun

honourable mention to when he thinks Riverside is in Canada, and any line where he calls Louis 'Louie' because I'm a Frouis shipper and I read into that as a cute endearing nickname :)

Zoey:

Zoey: "Sorry. I can't lower the bridge." Nick: "That's terrific, cupcake. Look, is there a man up there we can talk to?" Zoey: "Oh, boo-hoo, I don't know what to do. Go to hell, Colonel Sanders!"

most of Zoey's funny lines are parts of other running jokes, references that I don't get or very tied to the context of the campaign, so it was actually kinda hard to pick one. I love all of her lines as well which didn't make it easier. but this one has stuck out to me since I first played The Passing because it's brilliant. Nick deserves every scathing insult he gets in that campaign <3

honourable mention to basically all her other lines. especially the ones in The Sacrifice because they cut DEEP her voice actress really went for it christ it hurts

DIShonourable mention to her death scream it's so goddamn LONG and the many hours I've sunk into Tank Challenge have left me hating it with a passion, stop screaming at me I'm doing my best

Bill:

Zoey: "You think one day it's all just gonna go back to normal?" Bill: "I'll see peace back on earth if I gotta murder every one of these bastards with my bare goddamn hands."

I think this line is just a great example of Bill's character really, and actually prompts an interesting train of thought as to how his hopes for the future shifted from No Mercy to The Sacrifice; originally, they seemed much more aligned with Zoey's, possibly part of the reason she felt so betrayed later. also it just sounds cool. it's from the hospital elevator in No Mercy.

honourable mention to this cut line of Bill pickin up an incapped survivor because I think it's really sweet:

Bill: "Bein' brave doesn't mean you're not scared. It means you're scared as hell, and then you pick up the shotgun anyway."

Left 4 Dead 2 survivors under the cut:

Ellis:

Ellis: "If the laws of nature would allow it, I would bear that man's children."

it really couldn't be anything else. I mean, it could, because everything that comes outta this guy's mouth is funny, but I cannot believe this line is real. I love it. as y'all probably know this one's from Dead Center.

honourable mention to every Keith story, and all of his 'Taunt' and 'Argh' lines from the voicewheel. seriously my favourite part of this character is his lines we could be here all day.

Nick:

Nick: "I am breathing shit air into my lungs. It is being absorbed into my bloodstream. I am literally full of shit."

does this make me immature? perhaps. again, I really struggled to pick for Nick, but like many others on the list my reasoning is just that I find this one funny. he sounds so disgusted.

honourable mention to all of his whining about his suit, mostly because the others' responses are golden. and obviously his swearing. because again, I'm immature.

Rochelle:

Rochelle: "Axe me a question, I dare you."

I have such a weakness for bad jokes. first Louis's firewall joke, now this. it's just the way she says it I think. wow my sense of humour is fucked. this one's a possible voice line for when Rochelle picks up a fire axe

honourable mention to all of the funny things she says when she's on low HP, and "Dibbs on Gibbs!" when she sees an infected Jimmy Gibbs Jr.

Coach:

Coach: "I find a Burger Tank in this place? I'm-a be a one-man cheeseburger apocalypse." Ellis: "Well, Coach? I aim to let you."

I hear this line every time I play Dark Carnival - which, considering how much the playerbase loves Dark Carnival, is a lot - and it just makes me smile, especially since they re-added the previously cut line from Ellis in The Last Stand update. also, it reminds me of my first introduction to the L4D2 characters, "Steamed Hams but it's Coach and Nick", which is a masterpiece of video.

honourable mention to his opening line from the trailer, which sets the tone and introduces the character brilliantly, and would have been a great first introduction if my real first introduction hadn't been a Steamed Hams meme.

this post took a surprising amount of time and effort. holy shit. you're welcome ig lmao

#l4d #left 4 dead #l4d2 #left 4 dead 2 #time to tag every character! #louis l4d #francis l4d #zoey l4d #bill l4d #ellis l4d2 #nick l4d2 #rochelle l4d2 #coach l4d2 #i think this is my first post with all of them in #blimey #jrrrambles

[clumsyclifford]

ok hello i absolutely love all ur fics, you’ve just got a certain quality in ur writing that is just… mmm. yeah so anyway, do you have any advice on how to improve or just how to write?? (especially fic cause personally i struggle with that more than original stuff??)

hello!! that is very kind of you to say thank you <3

advice on how to write. oh boy. oh man. well i can try. i will do my best. i will also try to be brief but we all know how that song goes

update from having finished answering this: alright. okay. this is not only long, but decidedly english teacher-y. i’m sorry that i am the way that i am. this is what you get for asking a leo for writing advice. am i joking? maybe. maybe not. anyway. this post got away from me in a big way so here’s a read more. warning: LONG post under the cut.

1. study your characters. for RPF like the band stuff i write, that literally means watching interviews, watching them perform, seeing how they interact with each other, picking up on their mannerisms (behavior) - what they do with their hands, if they repeat themselves or stutter when they talk, the quality of their voice when they're talking about different things, and so on. also keep track of things they mention a lot in interviews especially about each other - for example jack has mentioned before that alex has an annoying habit of twirling his hair when he zones out. that kind of thing. IMPORTANT NOTE!: you don’t have to use all of this information. just like studying for anything, you collect all the information you can and then you parse through it and use whatever you think will contribute or be relevant to your story.

2. remember that characters are people. or at least they’re representing people, which is an important distinction (see #3). still, considering that your characters are people can be a helpful way to get out of your head. see, characters are supposed to be archetypical, and fulfill a role, and say certain things in certain ways and never really deviate from that. but people are highly unpredictable and behave in random ways for random reasons and have thought processes that are unfathomable. people will just do fuckin’ whatever. if you’re worried that your characters aren’t behaving in a believable way, keep in mind that you’re trying to make your characters represent people, and people’s behavior is justifiable any number of ways. people just do shit.

3. remember that characters are not people. sike! no but seriously, this is just as important to remember. unfortunately, no matter how hard you try, characters are never going to be people. that’s a good thing for stories, though. characters can pick up on nuance in senses that people can’t - they can distinguish between different facial expressions, different smells, different sounds - BUT ONLY INSOFAR AS IT MOVES THE STORY ALONG. in other ways, characters are ridiculously oblivious. you can use this to your advantage. in fact, a lot of the time, you have to. if your character notices right away that someone is flirting with him, then you can’t write a 30k slow burn, for example. characters don’t do that thing humans do where they go “what?” but then halfway through the re-explanation they register what’s been said. pretty much everything characters say has meaning. (by this i don’t mean semantic meaning, i mean significance - characters don’t really just say “what?” because they didn’t hear what someone said, they say “what?” because they can’t believe it or they don’t understand it or they refuse to understand it. characters never seem to run into the didn’t-hear-them problem. must be nice.)

characters can do whatever you want or need them to do, because you’re in charge of them. (sometimes this doesn’t feel true - mine do all kinds of shit and i just have go “well alright then” - but it is true.) they are gears in a story. you decide when and how they turn.

4. dialogue is your friend. i am super super biased here, because i looove writing dialogue. if you talk to sam about this i’m sure she would say that description and narration are the ways to go. but you came to me, so i get to say that dialogue is god. i don’t want to say that dialogue is the only method of communication (i know nonverbal communication is real), but dialogue is the fastest and most effective method of communication, and by extension, the most effective way to advance relationships between characters. now. obviously there are exceptions. if characters are kissing, they’re probably not doing a lot of talking. if they’re trying to be undercover or discreet, they’re more likely to rely on gestures and facial expressions than speaking. if you’re writing a very peaceful scene, you might not want to undercut it by adding a lot of chit-chat. but i maintain that dialogue is the best way to move a story along, for a few reasons. 

first, at least for me, too much description is just tiring. depending on how skillful the writer is (sam), i can read a fair amount before i hit my limit, but unlike in mean girls, the limit DOES exist. you don’t want to over-describe the world (see #5). second, i find that dialogue is a really really good indicator of a person’s character. this is especially true and relevant in fanfiction, which is a lot more character-driven than original fiction in many ways. also, in a sec i’m gonna talk about showing [not/and] telling, which is every english teacher’s bitch, but dialogue is a really good way of showing who a person is and also a good way to establish facts about the universe. you could just narrate and be like “Jack hated waking up early,” and that works and in many cases it’s perfectly legit. but you could also do something like this:

“What the fuck,” Jack mumbled, still half asleep. “You better have a really fucking good reason to be waking me up this early. Like someone better have fucking died.”

and sometimes that’s just a more fun way to say it. (for the record you can also show AND tell here! there’s no reason why you can’t have this line of dialogue and then a line in the narration confirming how very much jack is not a morning person!)

the last reason why i am particularly fond of dialogue is because i am also particularly fond of communication, which is a preference thing. let’s face it, guys: characters aren’t gonna communicate if they’re not literally actually talking to each other. dialogue means talking to each other. talking to each other means solving problems, fixing (or creating) conflicts, understanding each other better. i love communication, ergo, i love dialogue. And You Should Too. 

5. describe the world, but don’t over-describe. i opened this fic earlier and it was like “jack was excited to wake up to go to his first class at the university of baltimore” and i just. i was like is this really relevant. do i really need to know this. and i never found out because i closed the fic but in my defense it was on wattpad and i had only opened it out of curiosity. look. there are three ways to use details in fic. (a) introduce them right away (b) introduce them when they become relevant or (c) don’t introduce them at all. let me give you some examples. 

(a) say your character A (i’m using jack because i’m used to him) wakes up. he’s in his room in his house off-campus. character B (rian) walks into the room. this might be a good time to explain that rian is his housemate. to that point: “show not tell” is a good rule, but sometimes “show and tell” is just as good. e.g.: 

Rian walks in, holding Jack’s Green Day shirt and looking irritated. That’s really nothing new; Rian looks irritated at Jack roughly once a day. Being housemates for a year will do that to a friendship.

boom, now you’ve let everyone know they live together without throwing it in their face, and you’ve also told everyone that these two guys are friends and have been friends for at least a year but probably longer. you showed it by having rian walking in holding jack’s shirt - usual housemate behavior - but you also told it in a subtle way that established the relationship and some kind of history between these two. well done.

(b) sometimes you want a certain detail to make an impact. this is the kind of thing you hold onto and don’t specify, and in certain cases you leave the reader wondering, “well what about x?” and then when you finally explain x they go ohhhhhhhhhh. yknow. the italicized oh. consider the following:

(A)

“Alex is in my bio class,” Rian says, referring to Jack’s ex-boyfriend of last year.

Jack frowns. “So? Why should I care?”

“He’s my lab partner,” Rian says. “I have to spend a lot of time with him.”

“I don’t care what you and Alex do,” Jack says. “But you should know he sucks at bio.”

Rian gives Jack a look. “First of all, that’s not true, he’s incredibly smart. And second, I’m telling you as a courtesy, because I thought you might not want your ex-boyfriend hanging around our house after he broke your fucking heart.”

(B)

“Alex is in my bio class,” Rian says.

Jack frowns. “So? Why should I care?”

“He’s my lab partner,” Rian says. “I have to spend a lot of time with him.”

“I don’t care what you and Alex do,” Jack says. “But you should know he sucks at bio.”

Rian gives Jack a look. “First of all, that’s not true, he’s incredibly smart. And second, I’m telling you as a courtesy, because I thought you might not want your ex-boyfriend hanging around our house after he broke your fucking heart.”

the only difference between these two excerpts (which i just wrote lol they’re not from anything real) is that the second one doesn’t explain who alex is right away. that makes it way more interesting when rian reveals who alex is a few lines later. magic.

(c) take this college au that we’ve established here. where does it take place, you ask? easy answer: it doesn’t matter. you don’t need to say what school they’re at. this will make your job easier, because then no one can fact check you, and it also means you don’t have to decide what school they’re at. but even if you do decide, it’s not usually necessary to say. believe me, you can go thousands of words without ever needing to specify what school they’re at. you know why? because it doesn’t matter. and no one cares. and as soon as you specify in canon that they’re at a particular school, you are bound to be accurate to everything that school does, and that makes your job way more difficult than it needs to be. as hazel once said, work smarter, not harder. 

6. adverbs are also your friend. (yknow, words that describe verbs, typically ending in -ly, like “loudly” or “angrily” or “smoothly”.) ESPECIALLY when it comes to dialogue tags. (dialogue tags are the things you add to dialogue to say who’s talking and how they’re talking - like “he said” or “he whispered” or “he earnestly explained” or whatever). a lot of the writing advice you’ll see nowadays will usually guide you away from overusing dialogue tags other than the classic “says/said” and i STRONGLY concur with that advice. things like yelled, cried, mumbled, snapped - these are very good in moderation, when you’re really trying to emphasize the way a person is speaking. the more you use them, the less impact they have. in most cases, a simple “he said [adverb]” will do. instead of “he snapped” consider “he said curtly/sharply/coldly.” instead of “he mumbled” consider “he said quietly/clumsily/softly.” I WANT TO MAKE IT CLEAR THAT THESE ARE NOT DIRECT SYNONYMS. every word has a nuanced and slightly different meaning and that is the BEAUTY of the english language!!!! all i’m saying is that in many cases, a verb can be replaced with an adverb to achieve roughly the same effect, without making the reader feel like they’re scanning a thesaurus.

and speaking of a thesaurus: it’s not cheating to use outside resources like thesaurus.com to help you come up with words. i fuckin love thesaurus.com. i use that shit all the time for everything. i use it when i’m writing emails. i used it just now to write that last paragraph. thesaurus.com is your BEST friend.

7. grammar. (and spelling but that’s really a given.) unfortunately if i tried to teach you all of the essential rules of grammar this post would exceed tumblr’s previously-nonexistent word count limit. so i’m not gonna teach you any of them. this is just a general point to suggest that if/when you’re writing, have someone you trust, with a good grasp of grammar, look over it. of course it doesn’t have to be perfect or AP style or anything like that. readers will overlook a certain amount of grammar mistakes and every reader has a different threshold. but in general, as a grammar geek and former journalism editor-in-chief, i have a duty to my grammurai code to preach the importance of grammar in writing. good grammar does not necessarily mean good writing and vice versa, bad grammar does not necessarily mean bad writing, but bad grammar makes good writing a lot harder to read, and in some cases will even obscure your actual meaning. so please, have someone read it. for the record this is me offering up my services. i am very good at fixing grammar. i have lots of weaknesses in writing but grammar is one of my strengths. please prioritize grammar. thank you for coming to my ted talk.

***

okay so now that i’ve said all of this shit and pretended to be an expert and embodied everyone’s tenth grade english teacher, let me add one very important disclaimer:

none of this is always relevant.* writing is an art, not a science. you are never going to be following all of the rules, all of the time. you shouldn’t. it’s good to know the basics of constructing a plot, establishing a character, showing and/not telling, moving the story along. but a lot of this advice is really subjective and heavily influenced by my writing experience and habits and tendencies and preferences, and those are simply not generalizable to the world. i am a sample size of one and science dictates that that means my results cannot be statistically significant. i am just some guy. earlier i said you don’t want to over-describe the world. but maybe you do! maybe you’re really into worldbuilding and you want people to know what they’re getting into. maybe you’re like sam, and you just don’t feel as confident in your dialogue skills but you love painting word pictures. i said that adverbs are your friend, but maybe you just prefer to use verbs. maybe you don’t want ANY dialogue tags and you want the reader to interpret the dialogue based on context and content. i said that characters aren’t people and they won’t behave like people, but maybe you’re trying to write hyper-realistic characters. maybe you’re just going for believability over narrative. WHATEVER. the point is, rules are made to be broken. no one is going to have The Answer for How To Write Good because there isn’t just one answer. every single writing rule has exceptions and you can be that exception as many times as you want.

*except grammar. grammar is fucking always relevant.

i hope any of this advice was helpful to you, even though i english teacher-ed the fuck out of it. and for what it’s worth, i approached this as if you were a relatively novice writer, but i know absolutely jack shit about your writing prowess and experience and habits. so maybe you already know all of this and none of what i’ve said is helpful at all. if you have a more specific problem, i would be happy to try and help. if you’re hoping for more specific feedback, i’d have to read something of yours first - but again, happy to try and help. i don’t know if you can tell but i loooove writing and english and grammar and all of this shit and it would be my honor. i have now spoken so long that james madison himself is begging me to shut up so i’ll stop here but thank you for coming by and giving me the opportunity to expatiate a shit ton. and GOOD LUCK i forgot the most important advice of writing which is HAVE FUN LOVE WHAT YOU WRITE AND WRITE WHAT YOU LOVE OKAY BYE

#yowza #mamma mia #hachi machi #someone get this bitch a muzzle #i feel like i keep saying i sound like an english teacher here but i never specify that im not actually an english teacher #god i wish my blog brand was just 'the person you come to with writing questions' #is it too late to establish myself as that #ask #writing advice #stuff #im giving it the stuff tag. i said enough that i feel like it's earned the stuff tag. #anonymous #if i keep looking at this im just going to keep adding things because adhd-coded brain wants ME to overdescribe. hypocrite #so im just gonna hit post n run #good luck

[goodfish-bowl]

Too Late to Turn Back

Ah, yes, Wes Weston, love this character. So here’s my thing for Tuesday. Had a bit of fun with one. It has the semblance of a plot, and there’s actual dialogue. I tried to get a bit of Wes’s character in the writing itself, which I love doing. 

Wes Weston - Denial

Summary: Wes is already knee-deep in his latest conspiracy and refuses to back out now. 

Words: 934

AO3 link 

Wes Weston thought he could see things in the world that other people couldn’t or wouldn’t see. Wes knew that Danny Fenton and Phantom were one and the same, and refused to be told otherwise. No matter how many times he became a laughing stock, no matter how many times he made a fool of himself, Wes knew he was right, and that was all that mattered.

           Of course, there had been some bumps in his belief in the beginning, when Danny and Phantom had been in the same place at the same time, evidence that was clearly seen and grossly disproved him. It had even thrown Wes himself off of Danny’s trail for a while before he remembered in the middle of class that ghosts could duplicate. He had immediately jumped right back onto his pursuit of Danny Fenton/Phantom.

           Wes had confronted Danny so many times, and when that didn’t work, he even resorted to stalking. He had followed Danny around for almost a week straight, adding anything suspicious onto his board. Pictures of Danny walking to alleyways and then the alleyway’s being empty now had their own section on the board alongside images of Danny entering other strange places, like bathroom stalls and the janitor’s closet, and then never exiting. His camera had never seen so much use that week. Wes even had to go through the memory disk just to have enough room to continue his pursuit. That was until Danny had confronted him, in a twist of events in the alley that Wes had been waiting for Fenton in.  

           Yes, yes, Wes knew stalking was a bit creepy and ruder, invading privacy and all, but he had to get his evidence. He would be redeemed then, no longer a running joke. He would be allowed to hang out with his usual groups again, and the other players on the basketball team would stop throwing him strange glances and refusing to pass the ball to him. He needed this.

           “Why do you want to out Phantom, anyway? If he had any to out, which he doesn’t since he’s a ghost,” Danny had asked him during that confrontation, and that had thrown Wes for a loop.

           Why, why, WHY?! Did Fenton really just have the nerve to ask why? Because Wes needed this. He didn’t want to be stuck as a social outcast forever, like Fenton and his friends. He actually wanted to go somewhere with his life. Of course, he could get the same result if he just dropped the whole thing, and let Fenton get away with whatever it was he was doing. What was Fenton doing anyways? Protecting the city, boosting his ego? Wes had seen Phantom take some serious hits, ones that didn’t seem worth it. Fighting ghosts was dangerous, deadly even, so why did Phantom do it? What was Fenton’s motive anyways? Could Fenton and Phantom really be the same person? He had all the evidence, why was he doubting himself now?

           Then, before Wes could respond, Fenton just had to go and ruin it all. A blue wisp slipped out from between his lips, and an odd looked passed over his face. Then, before Wes could even bring up his camera, Fenton transformed. A white ring of light proved everything Wes had ever imagined. Evidence, right there in front of him, and he had missed his chance. They never broke eye contact, not until Phantom flew away to go deal with whatever it was that he did.

           Wes had questions then, new and old. How could someone be both alive and dead? What were ghosts, really? Why Fenton? Who else knew the truth, the real truth? It became like a game then, between Wes and Fenton. He kept on doing it. Fenton would do something, something ghostly that could prove Wes right, before he could get it on camera. It was like a game of tag, and Wes could never catch up to the smaller teen. Sometimes his camera glitches out, sometimes he wasn’t ready for whatever Fenton was about to do, sometimes something or someone got in the way of his shot. But not once, did he get the tangible evidence he needed. It was frustrating, so, so, so, frustrating that Wes had almost smashed his camera into the wall.

           It was his turn to corner Fenton this time. Wes had questions and he demanded answers.

           “Why? Why don’t you tell anyone? Why do you hide?” Wes had asked, or at least something similar.

           Danny was trapped in a mental battle before he answered Wes.

           “Because I don’t want to risk it. Wes, I have people, humans, constantly after me as Phantom. My own parents are ghost hunters. I don’t want to know what could happen if they found out. The ghosts are after me either way, but the hunters are only after Phantom,” Danny explained.

           Wes had to stop and think about that. Everyone had heard about the Fenton’s hatred of Phantom down to a personal level. The GIW had openly claimed that they wanted to “painful experiments” on Phantom, and that was without knowing he was also Danny Fenton.

           “I’m still going to prove you’re Phantom,” Wes declared.

           “Why?”

           “Because I want to be right. until then, this conversation never happened.” Wes then stalked off, leaving a befuddled and exasperated Danny behind.

           Wes decided it was better to deny some things because he wouldn’t be able to even sleep until he finished what he started. When he finally got his proof that Fenton is Phantom, he would decide what to do from there.

#Danny Phantom #dp side hoes week 2021 #wes weston #danny fenton #goodfish writes

[mimicutie]

Pit is Autistic - A “Brief” Analysis

Kid Icarus: Uprising is my favorite game of all time, and one thing I love about it is the characterization of Pit. Specifically, I see him as autistic. Of course, this is just a headcanon of mine, but I wanted to write out a little discussion explaining why I see him as such as well as show some of the autistic traits he demonstrates in Uprising (and the occasional reference to the Guidance conversations from Smash).

(fair warning, this is not very brief)

Difficulty Understanding Words and Jokes

It’s made abundantly clear that Pit isn’t the best at picking up sarcasm or jokes. At times, he struggles with understanding words, phrases, and context. Here’s an excerpt from Chapter 11.

Pit: Good! There are survivors! Palutena: They’re a stubborn bunch hanging on like that. [...] Pit: Uh… stubborn? Palutena: Oh, I didn’t mean it like that.

Here, Pit doesn’t understand what Palutena means by “stubborn.” It’s pretty common for autistic people to struggle understanding parts of speech, such as words being used in different contexts than what they’re used to.

Medusa: Hmm… Now this is a little… bizarre. Pit: I know right? The mouth on that guy! I’d never talk like that! Medusa: That’s not what I meant. Palutena: Sorry. He can be a little… thick.

Once again, Pit is misinterpreting the situation. He doesn’t understand what Medusa is alluding to, thinking that she is talking about Dark Pit’s brash behavior. Palutena’s last comment hints that it’s very common for Pit to misunderstand people like this.

Pit: I’m Pit, servant of the goddess Palutena. I’m here to defeat Dark Lord Gaol. Magnus: So you’re here for a slice of the pie too? Pit: Huh? Pie? Where?

Chapter 2 has several examples of Pit not picking up on obvious jokes or idioms, and here’s one. Pit takes the idiom literally, not understanding what Magnus really means at first.

Viridi: Pit certainly is devoted to you, Palutena. Hades: Only because she squeezes his head wreath when he doesn’t follow orders. Palutena: You mean like… THIS?! Pit: No no no no no! You’ll squeeze my brains out! … (sigh) Why do I always fall for that?

In this example from Chapter 15, Palutena is clearly messing with Pit, but as he stated, he always falls for her jokes. Even though it’s clear she is just teasing, Pit can’t pick up on the fact that she isn’t being serious. He consistently struggles with understanding tone.

Pit: This is so annoying. Lady Palutena, help me out here! Palutena: Deploying the Palutena Super Sensor… Pit: I didn’t know you had a super sensor! Palutena: Hee hee. I don’t. You know I like to make stuff up. Pit: I can’t believe you’re messing with me at a time like this!

This dialogue from Chapter 13 is just another example of Palutena clearly joking while Pit does not pick up on it. Even though Palutena has done this time and time again, Pit still struggles to tell when someone, even a person he is incredibly close to like Palutena, is just messing with him. These are just a few examples. Pit commonly struggles with understanding language and tone throughout the game.

Using Words Differently

We can see that Pit has his own unique vocabulary with his own creative phrases like, “Calamaried!” “Re-defeated!” “Pulverazed!” and so on. Pit also makes LOTS of noises throughout the game, all of his “woohoo”s and “woah”s and whatnot. It’s just how he communicates, even if it's a bit particular or different.

Expressiveness

Pit is excitable. Like, really excitable. Sure, he’s a fun video game protagonist, but he’s always very happy-go-lucky and upbeat in a way that reads to me as autistic. Just look at how he jumps in excitement!

And when he gets the Three Sacred Treasure?! Gifs can’t really do the excitement in this scene justice. (link in case tumblr embed isn’t working)

Additionally, while Uprising doesn’t have a lot of cutscenes with Pit just standing around talking, in the ones where he does he is usually very expressive, using his hands to talk and whatnot. Added with his excitability, I feel that this shows us that Pit is so expressive and emotional because he’s autistic!

Extra Help

Pit needs more help with understanding things in comparison to others. Palutena often goes out of her way to guide Pit, whether it be giving him directions or explaining how to defeat an enemy. While Palutena’s advice does work as a guide for the player, it’s clear that Pit needs the help more than someone else his situation might. The clearest proof we have of this comes from Chapter 22.

Palutena: Watch out for that heart-shaped crystal barrier! You see, it’s— Dark Pit: Reflecting my shots back at me, right? Palutena: Well… yes. Dark Pit: I got it, so stop telling me what to do! 

Palutena is expecting Dark Pit to be like Pit, where she needs to explain to him what’s going on and offer her guidance. However, Dark Pit was able to figure out a strategy to defeat Pandora all on his own. Palutena is very aware that Pit needs a bit more help and prepares accordingly for him.

Accidental Rudeness

Many times throughout Uprising, Pit is shown speaking “rudely” towards gods or characters who have authority over him.

Pit: Oh, great! You’re the guy I’m looking for. Listen, I have a favor to ask you. Would you mind if I borrow your chariot for just a little while? Chariot Master: Your foolishness is matched only by your rudeness. How dare you charge in here, flinging unreasonable requests at me? [...] Viridi: You can’t really blame him for being upset. That was kind of rude.

Here, Pit is talking to the Chariot Master very casually, treating him like a friend despite the fact he is breaking into the Chariot Master’s tower and asking him for a precious artifact. Pit doesn’t see it as rude but Viridi and the Chariot Master clearly do. He is breaking an unwritten social norm by talking so casually to someone of high authority. Autistic people often misinterpret social situations or don’t act appropriately, sometimes resulting in “rude” behavior. There are several examples of this throughout the game, such as in Chapter 24…

Pit: You know, the Three Sacred Treasures weren’t exactly durable. Can you please make sure that this new weapon won’t just fall apart? Dyntos: Palutena, you’d be wise to put a muzzle on your chicken.  Palutena: I apologize for him. Again. Pit: I… I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to be rude.

To Pit, he is just stating a fact. However, it comes off to Dyntos as Pit being rude or even insulting his work. This is something that autistic people often do; they are blunt or honest about something, which is again mistaken as being rude.

Pit is also seen being more blunt when under emotional stress, such as in Chapter 20.

Pit: I trusted you because I knew you were on the side of justice, and… and light! But something is blocking that light now. This isn’t the real you. Viridi: Someone cue the strings… Pit: Would you mind holding the commentary for two seconds, Viridi? Phosphora: There are goddesses you’re talking to here, Pit. Watch your tone. Pit: Butt out, Phosphora! The goddess of light has turned dark. Skyworld is destroyed! Everything is wrong, and it’s up to me to make things right! Palutena: Oh, Pit. You’re just as naive as ever. Pit: I’m not naive!

Phew. This scene is pretty noteworthy to me because throughout the game, Pit is never really that angry or upset. He does show hostility, but he never really snaps at anyone, much less gods, like this. But when his home is destroyed and Lady Palutena is not herself, his emotions get the better of him. He doesn’t even seem to care that he is being “rude” to Viridi. I definitely see this moment as Pit having an outburst because of the stressful situation he is under. 

Scripts / Scripting

The most obvious example of Pit using a script is with his “rally cries” that he prepares before fighting enemies. Look at the idol description for this AR Card.

He practices his rally cries a lot in order to be prepared for battles with bosses. Pit even mentions practicing his rally cries in a later chapter.

Pit: Cells of Hades, hear my words! And, um… see my actions! Uh… something, something… I’m going to rain death on you! I can’t remember all the words, but that’s the general gist. Hades: My innards have so longed to hear your battle cry. How could you forget the words? Pit: I didn’t have time to rehearse. I’ve been busy fighting evil, okay?!

While some may see the rally cries as meaningless fun, I think it could be seen as Pit having a script that he likes to fall back to when facing enemies. 

His many references and quotes to video games could be seen as scripting, too. There are lots of instances in Uprising, and especially in Palutena’s Guidance, where Pit quotes famous video game phrases or imitates sounds. Which leads me to…

Special Interest

Pit’s special interest is video games. While Pit’s very vast knowledge of video games could just be because of Uprising’s fourth-wall breaking style of humor, I think it could also be seen as Pit having an intense interest in games. He references various video games such as Metroid, Nintendogs, and Super Smash Bros. in-game. He seems to enjoy bringing up video games or referencing video game mechanics whenever he can, which is very similar to how autistic people enjoy bringing up their special interests in conversations whenever possible. Additionally, while the Palutena’s Guidance conversations aren’t 100% accurate to canon, Pit constantly references and alludes to various video games in them, such as quoting Reyn in Shulk’s conversation or Peppy and General Pepper in Fox’s (which ties back to him scripting). It’s clear that he loves video games and talking about video games!

Pit: Those Aurum troops are doing their best Game and Watch impression! Viridi: Check out the gaming IQ on this guy! You’re a regular video game historian!

See, even Viridi is impressed with his video game knowledge! :D

Sensory Issues

Throughout the game, Pit seems to have an obsession with hot springs. It is never outright explained why he loves them so much, but I’m led to believe it is because of sensory reasons. Many autistic people use extreme temperatures to help soothe or calm themselves, such as cold showers or hot baths. It can often help with sensory overload. Hot springs, similarly to hot baths, may be a way to help soothe Pit and keep his sensory issues to a minimum. 

Pit’s habits with his tunic seem to hint towards sensory issues, too. He doesn’t like to be without his robes, stating that he keeps them on even when he’s in the hot spring. When his clothes seemingly get messed up in Chapter 21, he gets upset, exclaiming that it’s his only tunic. Wearing the same clothes or same types of clothes/fabric is pretty typical for autistic people, and Pit wearing the same tunic everyday is similar to that.

Additionally, Pit’s habits with food could be because of sensory differences. He very well could be hyposensitive to food and tastes, which is why he eats a lot and doesn’t seem to care about what he eats (as long as it isn’t vegetables, according to the Revolting Dinner short ;D ) . 

Small Social Circle

Pit doesn’t have a whole lot of people he can rely on. Before Uprising, the only person he seems to have any affinity for is Palutena. Other than that, he doesn’t seem to talk to anyone else. We don’t have a clear picture on what his relationship with the Centurions is like, but based off of the Revolting Dinner short and Chapter 17, he only really talks to them when he’s working as the Captain of the Army and not as a friend.

While yes, Pit is the only angel left in Skyworld, I still think it’s important to bring up that Pit only really has Palutena to rely on. By the end of Uprising, he has Viridi and Dark Pit as well, but his only clear and completely positive relationship is his mother-son bond with Palutena. I see this as Pit struggling to really befriend others. He’s had over two decades between the original game and Uprising to befriend the Centurions, but again, he only really has Palutena. It’s pretty typical for autistic people to have very small social circles, consisting of just one or two friends. Palutena seems to fit the role of mother and best friend for Pit, and she even remarks that he should make more friends in Chapter 4. 

Working Alone

This is a small one, but still something that I think is worth pointing out. Pit seems very adamant on accomplishing his missions on his own, telling Dark Pit on two separate occasions (Chapter 9 and Chapter 21) that he can handle the situation by himself. Similarly, it’s common for autistic people to prefer working by themselves rather than with others. Paired with the previous point about having a small social circle, this just reads to me as Pit not feeling too comfortable in situations with others.

Conclusion

There’s a few other points that I feel I could bring up but overall I think these are my main points summed up (and yes, I said summed up. this used to be over 2500 words) ! Thanks so much for reading! If you have any other traits that you think Pit has that I didn’t mention, feel free to share them, I’d be more than happy to hear! ^_^

#kid icarus #kid icarus uprising #pit #kiu #autism headcanon #autistic headcanon #LOL idk what else to tag this as #thank u to anyone who reads ; __ ; this is .... a Lot

[felassan]

Highlights and insights from the N7 Day cast & crew reunion panel

[Rewatch link]

In case a text format is better for anyone. There are some NSFW references. Cut for length.

(Some paraphrasing.)

“Some of us are inebriated”

“Patrick Weekes, the killer of man and beasts, the breaker of hearts”

JHale put the whole thing together, it’s the biggest ME cast reunion to date

The cast had no idea that the remaster was a thing

Lots of ace discussion about what the magic of the MET is (“it captured lightning in a bottle”)

Lots of warm fuzzies between the cast, crew and community, and lots of fun behind-the-scenes anecdotes

Lots of great discussion on the diversity and inclusion in ME: on gender, sexuality, representation, empowerment, the core message in the MET that “we’re all in this together or we’re screwed”, the progress made in the portrayal of female characters in gaming, etc. “Everything behind what went into these characters was authentic, we [the VAs] could tell that so much research, texture, authenticity etc had gone into them. It really made a difference”. JHale: “I’ve spent my career kicking down ceilings [barriers and so on women actors experience] with my steel-toed boot. To get to be a part of this game that has now created the expectation that there now be a female PC, ‘duh’, is once of the great things of my life. BioWare listened and put her on the box. The first time someone dropped the box in front of me I held it over my head and screamed over the crowd, ‘Casey Hudson, thank youuu!!’ It was a divine moment. This game was the moment the boot finally crashed through the glass, pushed by millions of women.”

The panel received many messages from the question submission from fans expressing that MET really helped them through very dark places and periods in their lives. The cast have had a lot of interactions with fans over the years where the fans expressed similar sentiments to them

ME was one of the first games Keythe Farley (Thane) acted for that had branching dialogue/dialogue choices, and when he saw the script with that when he went in, he was like “wow”. ME was the second big game D. C. Douglas (Legion) ever did. In his first audition he didn’t know it was for a robot-type character as it was disguised as something else with a military-feel. The second time it was to do a speech/lament at someone’s funeral and he knew it was for a robot. He said playing Legion for him was a case of “wake up, drink some coffee and go to work”

Jack was really special to her VA Courtenay Taylor because she relates to her so much and had a lot of similar emotional problems and personal troubles in her past. Jack helped her become who she has became. The host added that in his interactions with Courtenay over the years, he realized very quickly that she is very much like Jack

AWR has two moms, something which she hasn’t talked about/expressly said publicly before. Talking about recording lines between Sam and Femshep made her tear up. She said that being raised by two moms in the 80s was tough due to societal attitudes at the time, and so to see a loving relationship between two women depicted in a game was a big deal for her. When recording the white picket fence conversation, she was actually crying (“and then I’m crying because of the lesbians”). It was a huge moment for her to represent her moms’ journey. When she went home she told them all about how her character is gay and wants a white picket fence and everything “just like we had”.

When PW was working on Sam’s arc, one of the things they did was show it to one of their colleagues, who is a lesbian, asking what things she’d like to see in an arc like that and what things she felt were missing from it. The white picket fence conversation came from the colleague’s feedback (“we wanna see the nice, healthy, happy domestic stuff”, as it’s often missing in portrayals of wlw relationships)

As the VAs got more into their characters, they sometimes had feedback and input to the process to offer, like “I don’t think she’d say [this] like [that]”. Sometimes they knew their characters even better than the crew did sometimes. JHale waxed lyrical about Caroline Livingstone’s awesome direction, with the host adding that he has interviewed a lot of the VAs over the years and they all talk about Caroline like she’s Gandalf the White coming to the rescue in LotR. AWR expressed that Caroline is really funny (“don’t worry it’s not you, PW was sick when they wrote this line that’s why”) and emotionally in-tune with them and this makes long hard sessions with her a joy

When Mark went into record for the Citadel DLC one day he asked Caroline “wouldn’t be great if Shepard’s clone had been made to be the opposite gender? Then the two Shepards could fight each other!”

William Salyers (Mordin) likes the way Mordin’s story ended and felt that it was wonderful to be able to play that. He feels like the luckiest person because as he wasn’t the original VA of Mordin, he got to come in late to something that was amazing. “Caroline helped me get to where I needed to be emotionally to play that final scene. It was one of the most moving things I’ve ever gotten to do personally for a piece of interactive art”. PW related that with Mordin’s writing, they didn’t realize how much they were asking for. They thought William was amazing doing all the science-speak/technobabble, as they themselves didn’t know what it meant, and then suddenly having to deliver emotional heartbreaking lines. William’s always been a secret science nerd and so he loved that fact about Mordin. “It was a real treat to say your words”

Karin: “I always claim credit for the Scientist Salarian song even though I had nothing to do with it. I opened that door for PW”

Steve Blum (Grunt) found it a real treat playing Grunt as Grunt is a tough soldier on the outside but a [babey] on the inside, while he is more the other way around (softer on the outside, fight-y inside). He isn’t a gamer and so didn’t know what to expect or what he was getting into. There was the big pile of words, they showed him the picture of Grunt, and he just ran with it. “Grunt was kind of a perfect character for me in that respect”. Side note: his wry comments throughout the panel were hilarious

“Casey Hudson, our glorious loving overlord”

Courtenay jokes about “interspecies snorkeling”

The women Courtenay met working on this game are her friends for life. Ali Hillis (Liara) gave her her number the night of the ME3 drop and was like “let’s hang out!!” “JHale is the shit. I go to England and there’s AWR and I have this friend for life”.

“We’re a family”. The host comments that you don’t see this kind of closeness between the people on a lot of projects

Kimberley Brooks (Ashley) thinks things have and are changing for the better in terms of roles for women, and roles for brown and black women. This year she has noticed increasing awareness of inclusion and of where it’s lacking. “The copies I’m being sent for auditions, it’s drastically changing, I’m seeing it change before my eyes. It’s really exciting, there’s more and more roles for me.” “Ash is such a strong character and I felt very badass playing her, it was life-changing”. She’s excited that the remaster is going to be a new way to see these characters that they’ve been so lucky to voice. Kimberley/Ash was the first female character Karin saw in the studio, when she saw her she was like “Wow, she’s so kickass and inspiring”. At this point Karin hadn’t been working at BioWare for all that long, and she wanted to thank Kimberley, because she saw her and heard her voice and had a personal ‘this changes everything’ moment

Raphael Sbarge (Kaidan) finds it very moving how many women were encouraged into gaming due to ME

Raphael: “Everyone here has awesome varied careers, but because ME was so collaborative [and so on], [it was something really rare and special]. Nothing else I’ve done has been so important or impassioned, it has almost a religious experience to it, which you can see from tears in fans’ eyes and tattoos and people talking about it 10 years later”. “I’m so grateful for it.” “Clearly we’re going to do this again next year! :D” D. C. added that it’s going to follow him for the rest of his career. Courtenay says it has catapulted her career

PW talked about how it’s great that the female chars in ME were allowed to have real, realistic flaws and dark periods (as opposed to nonsense stuff like ‘her flaw is that she’s clumsy’)

Having the male and female PC be voiced was a big, expensive commitment for the studio. Karin commented that at the time, it was a risk that the pretty-much almost entirely-male leadership of BioWare at the time decided was important to take, and so she was happy that these were the values her colleagues had

PW was “the junior baby writer on ME1. I’d just gotten to the studio and Mac Walters fell down a flight of stairs and hurt his back, and they pulled me in while he was healing”. Karin: “Mac was very understanding when PW fell on the ice and hurt themselves during ME2.” PW: “My job in ME1 was to come up with conversations between followers to pass the time in the elevator loading times. I was throwing stuff at the wall to see what would stick”

Steve turning his volume down before he shouts classic Grunt quotes down the mic

Caroline: “Do you know how many tears were shed in the booth? How many times have we all cried in the booth...” JHale: “We were recording the end of ME3, which I never call the end, because I’m always like I’M HERE! [wink] The goodbye Garrus lines” - these lines got right under her skin and when she went to say her lines she couldn’t speak because she’d burst into tears. “It was all I could do to say those words... and then there was silence... [and Caroline had gotten choked up too].” This was one of the last sessions they did. PW: “John Dombrow wrote Garrus in ME3 and I’m gonna tell him that he got you both to break.”

Caroline was also really teary during Keith David’s (Anderson)’s performance where he tells Shepard she’s like his daughter. This moment was one of JHale’s favorites to act

BioWare came up with a proprietary VA recording system which JHale describes as a secret sauce as-yet not widely-used in the industry

Lots of fun in the line-reading portion at the end. The lines/scenes were sent in by fans. This starts around timestamp 1 hour 50 mins. There’s a break where they discuss more anecdotes after a bit then some line-reading resumes at 1 hour 59 mins 18 secs

"Salarian Vorcha Conrad Verner simmering sexual tension scene”

One of PW’s fondest memories is of ME3 when JHale and Mark got to play off each other (which they naturally didn’t get to do very much), when PW had shoved the entire script of the Blasto movie into random ambience throughout the Citadel. They knew Mark was going to be Blasto as he voiced most of the hanar. PW: “We had to have Blasto’s elcor partner’s hot sister... And I was like could it be JHale?? Because they hardly ever get to talk to each other. It was one of my proudest moments”. Mark: “Not only that, we had a romance.” JHale: “Yeah, it was hot”.

“Think of the poor cold freezing Edmontonian hanar”

PW’s story about Sam’s toothbrush: They wrote it as a throwaway line but AWR did it so well that PW wanted to bring it back in the Citadel DLC, as that DLC was the action-comedy one. So they decided the toothbrush was going to save the Normandy. The art director at the time was in an early playthrough of the scene and in that version of the scene Sam held up her empty hand. The director was like “We gotta make the toothbrush? Really? It’s gonna be thousands of dollars to render the toothbrush.” It then got to the next few lines and the director deadpanned at PW “Okay that’s pretty good, we’ll make the toothbrush.” PW: “Good, I got my toothbrush.”

It was John’s idea that we find out that Mordin had been working on a crime noir novel. There was a period in the development of the Citadel DLC where PW was feeling like “Mordin’s gone, he had his big moment, I want to respect and honor that” and the entire team were like “I think Mordin needs a couple more songs dude”. “Well alright!” By that point William had shown them he could deliver literally any line

“Oh I need a shower that was so steamy hot”

PW got in trouble with Localization over Jack’s “Save some of your energy, we’re gonna do it on the pool table” exchange. Localization were like “Um could you explain what Jack means by this??” These lines were PW’s, Karin as an editor got the question about it and passed it on to PW like “nope this is your fault”. “The best part is it was France that needed PW to explain the joke while apparently Germany were like ‘Yes please confirm that this is regarding the possibility of oral sex-’”

Keythe on voicing Thane: “Thane was a real lesson in opening up to the character, allowing this beautifully conflicted character to exist. Each character in the MET has conflicts within themselves and a tragic flaw that is revealed through the course of conflict.” He also waxed lyrical about how the MET was akin to Star Wars and Citizen Kane, and about the interconnectedness and representation in it

D. C.: “I have a question for you guys. Was it a conscious decision to not have Legion as a romance? Because there are a lot of upset people out there!!” “Voltage problems.” “A lot of creative reuses of ‘There was a hole.’” PW: “It was a process of us figuring out what we wanted to do. If we had known... The number of people who were like ‘I don’t know, are people gonna wanna romance Garrus? Liara? She’s blue and has no hair. Are people gonna be okay with that?” Karin: “We were young and naïve, now we know BioWare fans are thirsty.”

Derek brought in the first picture of Thane to show Caroline and she was like “He’s really hot, that’s gonna be a killer character. People are gonna want to romance that gentleman”

Raphael asked the BioWare team if there’s ever been a point where they thought about doing more DLC content or some kind of revival. “Has that ever come up?” “We’re legally obligated not to say, sorry, we’re going through a tunnel right now, bad reception!!”

D. C.: “Does this country have a soul?” “It does.”

“An N7 Day to remember! Go forth and heal.”

#bioware #mass effect #video games #lgbtq #feels #lul #garrus vakarian #best boy #please remember if you are a minor you should not be following me #a minor = under 18 #next mass effect

[authenticdesperation]

A Review of Every Single Episode of Inside No. 9 [1/2]

Disclaimer: my opinions are not definitive but they are bloody good. There may be spoilers so read at your own risk. This will probably have to be a two-parter for the sake of my sanity and your scrolling.  

Series 1

1. Sardines 

A killer way to kick off a series with an absolutely top notch cast. This episode probably wins the award for the episode I’ve spent the most time thinking about after watching, putting all the little things that went over my head at first into place. I love the set design in this episode as well with everything seeming delightfully old fashioned. 

2. A Quiet Night In

This episode is something of a masterclass in farce and it is a Bold Move to have the second episode of a new series almost completely free of dialogue. It’s dirty, it’s fully of silly slapstick and it’s a nice change of pace after the rather harrowing ending to the first episode. 

3. Tom and Gerri 

This is an episode I enjoyed more when I thought about it more. It beautifully shows the decline of Tom’s mental health (acted impeccably, lovely work from Reece) due to grief. Also it was quite nice to see Reece and Steve acting opposite each other more, they have great chemistry together and Steve as Migg is perfectly unsettling. 

4. Last Gasp

Now, I have to be honest with you: I do not exclusively have glowing praise for this episode. I enjoyed it far more after watching it more than once as I liked the humour of it. One of my favourite things was the video camera perspective at the start, as well as some lovely moments with the music. However, I’m not overly keen on the ending, I just found it slightly underwhelming. 

5. The Understudy

Back on the praise train kids! I am a big old Shakespeare nerd (as are Reece and Steve, apparently) and I studied Macbeth for my GCSEs so I was particularly excited when I watched it. I will also have to give a little nod to the directing of this episode, it was an absolute feast for the eyes. 

6. The Harrowing

Oh hell yes (no pun intended). I think this episode is a great one to cap off the first series, really demonstrating the versatility of Steve and Reece. Also, I’m a big horror fan and the entire atmosphere of it really appealed to me. Though I would say that the second I saw that house I would have run about fifteen miles in the opposite direction.

Series 2

1. La Couchette

This episode is very similar to Sardines in the sense that it feels rather claustrophobic, but this time it leans far more towards the comedy side of things rather than drama. Bonus points for Steve demonstrating his German skills. 

2. The 12 Days of Christine

Ah yes, the episode I’ve cried at every time I’ve watched it. This one is a strong demonstration of how to wrong foot an audience: you never quite know what’s going on until towards the end and all of the horror-esque moments just add to the confusion making the ending one hell of an emotional gut-punch. I wouldn’t watch it if you need something to cheer you up, though.

3. The Trial of Elizabeth Gadge

My second favourite episode of series two, The Trial of Elizabeth Gadge is packed to the brim with silly puns and smutty jokes. I personally predicted the twist but in this case I don’t think it really mattered as I was too busy enjoying the Horrible Histories for adults thing that was going on. Bonus points for another killer cast.

4. Cold Comfort

The first of two episodes directed by Steve and Reece and really quite a bold one at that. The whole thing is filmed in the style of a CCTV feed, which I’m pretty sure an experienced director would warn you off trying, but it really pays off in the narrative. Since the camera doesn’t switch focus at any point, it really relies on the acting performances to keep your focus which, in my opinion, the cast fucking nailed.

5. Nana’s Party

If I had to describe the episode in two words they would be ‘domestic drama’. It’s a fairly classic setup of a family with their fair share of secrets, namely adultery and alcoholism, but happily doesn’t give the game away too early and a layer of humour is added by the slightly irritating prankster character of Pat. It’s the second episode of the series directed by Steve and Reece and has a sort of understated quality to it, showing Claire Skinner’s character’s exacting nature above a layer of familial drama. 

6. Séance Time

My favourite episode of series two, at first you think you’re walking into another haunted house scenario until you find out it’s a prank show that went off the air due to a scandal. There’s a great sense of humour throughout, and I don’t know whether I’m easily freaked out or the final jumpscare was genuinely terrifying but I flew about fifteen feet into the air when I saw it. Once I’d peeled myself off the ceiling, I really appreciated that it felt like a slow burn horror despite still only being half an hour. 

Series 3

1. The Devil of Christmas

I live for schlocky horror films that are so cheesy they give you nightmares if you watch them before bed. So the 1970s film within the episode, accompanied by a director’s commentary-cum-police interview performed by Derek Jacobi, was an absolute treat. The story of Krampus is one that has been done a lot, but never as a snuff film (as far as I know) so it was a nice little twist.

2. The Bill

Every time I rewatch Inside No. 9 this is the episode I always have to watch no matter what. It is such a simple premise and it feels slightly reminiscent of the Geoff, Mike and Brian sketches from The League of Gentlemen. Now is probably the moment where I should sing the praises of director Guillem Morales who has, quite frankly, become my personal hero having seen the many, many episodes of this series he’s directed. The framing in this episode is absolutely genius, but it’s only really obvious after you’ve watched it a few times and I have to give kudos for making a dialogue-heavy episode visually interesting. There are jokes that I think about at least twice a week and I am obsessed with Jason Watkins’ acting...I think this will be my longest review of this whole post. 

3. The Riddle of the Sphinx

This is the best episode I will never watch again. I love horror, and I’ve watched some bone-chilling films but something about this episode made me feel so uncomfortable. It is also a real testament to Steve Pemberton, who I’m led to believe is the cryptic crossword fan who took the lead writing this episode, that he wrote something involving cryptic crosswords that didn’t give me a migraine. 

4. Empty Orchestra

Ah, what a nice change of pace after the last episode with something far lighter. The karaoke booth concept is so fun and I’ve never understood the criticism of the episode. That being said, of every single antagonist in every single episode of Inside No. 9, Connie is the character I love to hate the most. All of the characters feel more like people you’ve met before and the vibe of a group of work colleagues in a karaoke booth going through the usual petty drama feels familiar. I think series three is one that has some of the darkest concepts and this is a great exception to that. 

5. Diddle Diddle Dumpling

When I looked in the background more while rewatching this episode, I noticed a lot of things were in twos. I can only assume that was a deliberate choice made somewhere along the line, and one that pays off when you notice it. Both Mat Baynton and Keeley Hawes played their parts to perfection, with Mat really doing quite a lot with a fairly small part. The whole episode reads as an interesting analysis of grief, in a similar sense to Tom and Gerri. Also, Reece’s character did not murder the remaining twin and apparently I’m the weirdo for thinking that was what was being implied. In my defence, there was cannibalism earlier in the series; filicide did not seem like that big of a leap.

6. Private View 

Agatha Christie eat your heart out (that wasn’t meant to be a reference to the ending, it’s just a happy accident). Murder mysteries are my absolute jam so I am obsessed with this episode. The modern art show is such a great setting for a whodunnit as demonstrated by the reaction to the discovery of Peter Kay’s character’s body. All the characters have their brilliant little quirks, and the killer is revealed at the perfect time and it was a good idea to not make that reveal the twist. 

#mine #review #inside no. 9 #inside no 9 #reece shearsmith #steve pemberton #the league of gentlemen #league of gentlemen #television

[setsuntamew]

So, Persona 5 Royal, huh?

Full disclosure: I had gotten about halfway through November on Wednesday and finished it out Saturday night, which took uhhh about 65-70 hours? Some of that was sitting there waiting for the PS4 controller to recharge or listening to music in the Thieves Den while eating, but I still feel like I need to own up to how extremely bad I am at making good decisions with my life XD

MOVING ON, THOUGH, HOLY SHIT. P5 was a very good game, but Royal’s additions & changes made it incredible. I like the ending way more; I think it’s more emotionally fulfilling and meaningful, especially with everyone’s more defined future plans. Definitely felt like everyone had more growth in the end!! Which is something I’d always thought P5 was lacking.

Snip snip for spoilers and the fact that this post ended up being too damn long, oops! the last third is basically Akechi feels and analyzing his ending, so......yeah XD

Part of why I plowed through SO much of Royal in so little time is....Akechi XD Like okay, this is my stupid fandom blog, I can be excited about him all I want!!! I got to Sae’s Palace and just....I couldn’t put it down. @dragonofeternal​ and I ordered an embarrassing amount of takeout instead of cooking because we just had to see how everything with Maruki and the third semester was gonna go down. I’d already been dying along the way because Akechi’s confidant dates are so good, I just. Fuck!!!

Also, look, for the entirity of Shido’s boss fight and the depths of Mementos/Yaldabaoth/etc, we’d look at each other every few minutes and just be like AKECHI SHOULD BE HERE WITH US, HE DESERVES TO GET HIS VENGEANCE ON HIS SHITTY DAD AND FORCED DESTINY!!!!!

December 24th had to be the longest god damn day in Akira’s life because like. Final exam grades are posted in the morning! He goes to school and then dives into hell, crawls his way back out, briefly dies by fading from human cognition, fights an actual fucking god, and then....ends up dissociating in Shibuya until Sae shows up and is like “oh hey thanks for everything you did, please sign up for being arrested now.” And while he’s still reeling from that, Akechi walks up to take his place, like some kind of bullshit knight in shining armor schtick, and leaves no room for conversation.

AND THEN WE HAVE TO GO ON A DATE

I romanced Hifumi this time around, because I wanted Akria to bang a girl who is just so incredibly out of his league, but....it’s not necessarily that I forgot I was dating someone, more that it had been *so many hours of plot* that I was emotionally exhausted. Like, Hifumi texted me and I was just like. Right. RIGHT. It’s still Christmas Eve, somehow. I was at *school* this morning. The whole world merged with Mementos briefly in the middle of this, Akechi is somehow alive, and I guess I’m going on a date now????

I do appreciate how many “god I’m just dissociating my way through this” conversation options there were for the date, tbh. I feel bad though, I really like Hifumi, but I feel like Akira is not giving a date his full emotional attention at that specific time. It feels a bit like emotional whiplash, more so than I remember it being in P5? Maybe it’s because I played it 4 years ago and there wasn’t the added emotional weight of Akechi’s reappearance, but it was just like....a lot, in Royal.

AND THEN THE NEW YEAR HAPPENED. I’d been spoiled on large parts of the third semester, mostly because Royal’s been out for a year already and I’m too curious for my own good. I’d also somehow lied to myself, saying I didn’t have time to play another Persona game right now, and yet here I am, 171 hours of game play within exactly a month, kicking myself for not knowing how deep in Persona hell I would get XD

Which is to say, as soon as the new year started, it felt I was drowning in anxiety. I knew something was wrong, I knew they were in a false reality, but knowing that sure as fuck didn’t make it easier to go through. If anything, it was somehow worse, knowing that it was all gonna come crumbling down, but I didn’t yet know the exact details, only the broad strokes of it. Just. Every time someone talked about something that was wrong, my heart would clench.

God, I’m so fucking tired, I pulled an all-nighter on Friday so I could get through Royal before having to work on Sunday, and I am feeling it right now. Life tips: don’t do what I do XD

Every moment with Akechi felt like borrowed time, at least for me, because I knew what was coming. I spent so much time in Mementos with him; I ended up putting just him and Akira in my party and plowing through everything, including trouncing the Reaper over and over just for the hell of it. I got his ultimate weapons, I spent so many nights in the jazz club with him that he ran out of dialogue options, and I still took him back for more. I accidentally failed to EVER trigger Sumire’s Showtime because every fight was just Akira and Akechi against the world, because fuck it, I’m playing this for fun!! If I want to play with them in stupid costumes and no one else in the party, I’m gonna. Royal did such an incredible job giving Akechi more depth and development: it was all I could hope for, and it made it that much fucking worse to know what was in store for him.

Somehow, I thought it would be harder for me to make the decision to refuse Maruki’s deal, since fuck, fuck what I wouldn’t give for Akechi to be alive???? But I barely hesitated, only really stopping because I had to emotionally brace myself for it, because a reality where he can’t carve out his own fate would be a disrespect to everything their relationship is built on.

I have a whole shit ton of feelings about post-beating Maruki but they’re basically all Akechi related meta so somehow they ended up at the end of this post, I’m sorry XD

I understand that they had to keep the going to jail bit because 1) Akechi didn’t turn himself in, Akira did and 2) it leads to the final events of the game, but let me just say....the emotional roller coaster of fighting Maruki, almost failing multiple times, waking up in jail, the Phantom Thieves & friends getting Akira out of jail, celebrating that, and then getting thrown into Valentines Day was a LOT for my heart to take. Once again, didn’t forget I had a girlfriend, just got too invested in the plot to really be thinking about her. It’s less than two weeks after the fight with Maruki and somehow, everything is supposed to be okay????

The scene with everyone talking about their future plans is such good character growth, though. Everyone feels like they’ve truly grown and are making decisions that, even though they might be painful or hard at times, are ultimately very important to them. It’s a really good contrast to the “almost everyone goes to Shujin and they all stay in Tokyo forever without doing anything for themselves” Maruki’s perfect reality bad end.

Standing in the Underground Mall on White Day, being told I had to get flowers but finally being able to have control of Akira again was....so bittersweet. The fact that the location of the date is the aquarium is a low fucking blow, and I almost threw the controller across the room I was so upset. Like. THE AQUARIUM IS UNLOCKED BECAUSE AKECHI HAS TICKETS HOW FUCKING DARE SOJIRO SUGGEST IT LIKE MY HEART ISN’T STILL ACHING????? God, speaking of that: The fucking god damn Featherman video game tore my heart out because I ended up playing it WHILE WORKING ON SHIDO’S PALACE and I cried a ton about Gray Pigeon because of course they had to dig the emotional knife in even deeper!! Just fuck me up, it’s fine, I’m just dying!!!!!!!!!!!!

I ended up scrolling through his texts to find the group chats that still had Akechi in them, and fuck, it was a LOT. Like. Maybe it’s because I’m too invested in the two of them, but it was probably the worst emotional whiplash of the whole game. Like, how am I supposed to go play happy with anyone while staring at texts from a reality built of lies? It wasn’t real but the proof lives on in his phone and his heart, and I’m still fucked up over it.

HOWEVER. FUCKING. I SPENT LIKE HALF AN HOUR BEING EMOTIONALLY COMPROMISED ABOUT ALL THIS AND THEN DISCOVERED THE BASTARD STILL HAD ALL HIS EQUIPMENT, INCLUDING THE ULTIMATE MALE ARMOR!!! He returned his shit after Sae’s Palace even though he thought Akira was dead, but this time it didn’t get fucking returned to my inventory, so he must have fucking run off with all his shit!!!!!!! Why the hell did none of it get returned if he was never alive in the true reality? Like I know it'll be returned for a new game+ but I like to nitpick game mechanics for story reasons, because one of the things I love most about video games is the experience of them as another layer to the story. The texts from the third semester shouldn’t exist anymore, since they never really existed, but there they are. Akechi insisted that he has a gap in his memory after Shido’s Palace up until seeing Akira on Christmas Eve, but who can say that wasn’t related to Maruki tampering with reality or some other Persona-related reason?

I mean. I got the full and complete True Ending; I saw him in the train station. If that’s not Akechi, then who the fuck is it? Atlus made sure to put the work in to make him a part of not just the main story but also, especially, the third semester, and for what....to have his final time on screen be as the butt of the joke, squished underneath everyone in the Mona-copter? As much as it hurts, his end in Shido’s Palace matters; it fits his character and he gets to go out fighting- carving his own path, really. In Royal, barring the tiny glimpse of someone who’s probably him in the train station, the last we see of him is when he watches Joker let go of the rope to finish off Maruki. I know we got the heart to heart where Akira agrees to reject Maruki’s deal and Akechi insists that he’d rather be dead than live in a false reality, but.....no one even says goodbye to him. It’s tragic, it’s painfully lonely, but it doesn’t feel right for such a major character.

Also, as undignified as it is, for the first time ever, Akechi looks like he actually belongs in the Phantom Thieves in that final moment. He’s never been the butt of their jokes before; they always kept him at arms’ reach and he took himself too seriously to be included, but for that brief moment, it really felt like he was part of their group. He stopped lying about himself for their last month together, and so even if they don’t all like him, they can make that decision based on the truth, instead of layers of lies. His death is all the more tragic for this; a life cut short just when he’s finally finding a place he belongs. But his death was already painful; why make it so, so much worse?

Final thing: I’m gonna be spending a ton of time in the Thieves Den trying to find Akechi’s opinions on everything, but also....hey. HEY. What do those six stars that Jose (probably?) painted on the wall mean? Is it just a reference to Persona 6???? LIKE????? I HAVE QUESTIONS. SO, SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!!

Anyway, I’ve gotta go cry into my Starbucks and desperately try to focus on actually doing my job at work, but I loved Royal deeply and cannot wait to drown in it ;w;

#persona 5 royal #p5r #persona 5 royal spoilers #goro akechi #akeshu #I have just so many Akechi feels I'm sorry #long post #persona 5 royal meta