#for real this skin was so nice in concept but i think the model looks a little wack | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ceejaykayess · 2 years

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Spoilers for one of the big twists of AI, and implied spoilers for Nirvana Initiative. Close-ups of the left and right under the cut. Also a long ass related one shot, because I’m incorrigible, I guess.

Aha, I said I would. Here’s my own take on Falco!Date. If you’ve seen some of my other art, you probably would have been able to pick up on some design cues I took for this mf. My bigger inspirations for this do come from other AITSF artists that have posted their own takes on the big guy, none of which I can name because I don’t pay a lot of attention. Stuff like wearing his hair in a spiky ponytail, wearing a purple shirt in his old style, and even the idea of dying his hair.

For this, I guess I was still experimenting on my design, considering some tiny differences. Like, I kept struggling to think of how to have Date wear his poggers coat open to show off his shirt without it looking silly. Then my brain blew up when I realised you could just button on the same side. So, now his chest is exposed, which is a win.

I wanted Date to wear only one of his gloves, partially as a way to distinguish my own idea of him and partially because I think mismatching designs are really cool. Love Date’s eyes. With my last post, I jokingly decided that Date’s now missing right glove was given to Hitomi as a keepsake. On the topic, I wanted Date to have his right hand ungloved so he could feel his Evolver without any interference, but wanted him to keep his other glove so he can still touch evidence without leaving prints. I always intended his left hand to be gloved and his right hand to be ungloved but I probably fucked up with my first Falco!Date fic way back an got my left and right confused. Cause my left isn’t his left, and so on.

His shoes are different. Look, I love Date’s real boots, but I don’t have a clue if he and Saito share a shoe size or not, and I was too embarrassed to ask the ether to compare the models, and I can’t see any feasible way for Date to wear boots the wrong size, so I decided to go with his old shoes. Kept the purple socks, though. They cute.

About his hair, I mentioned I took inspiration from someone else. In their post, they had it so Date tried to imitate his old appearance in Saito’s body, which included dying his hair the old shade of blond. So, I wanted to take that basic concept here. The tips of his lengthened hair are dyed the same shade of blond as Saito’s, which are all held bundled in his ponytail. Since there’s no way his hair’d get this long after only 3 months and a week, I... mentally just put this design as post (or during the 6 years later side) of Nirvana Initiative, where during his break he grew his hair out and had some people dyed his hair a bit.

It might be a bit obvious from the writing, but... the two Dates and his zoomed in eyes on the left are based on using the Date and Falco concept art sheets from AITSF, while the full body and zoomed in Date face are me drawing freehand with no reference. Which... isn’t great, I definitely need more practice, but I’m too bitch for that, so. I think the closeup of his face is nice, though.

“Date, what are you doing?” Her voice bit through the room with accusation and no small amount of vitriol, but he could hear the curiousity underneath it. They had been living together for almost six years, you know.

Yes, Date, I know.

Shush. Turning to his... roommate? Friend? Daughter? All of the above? Turning to Mizuki, he showed off the piece of clothing held firmly in both hands. The mysterious and yet so familiar purple, the firm and reclusive collar, the subtle diamond texture... all things he would associate with the person he would call Kaname Date.

“Ah, well, you know,” off to a great start, bud. “I’m just... thinking about putting on my coat.” There, easy.

“Why?”

Ah. Well.

“I mean...,” It makes me feel like myself, and not a fake in my own skin.

Date...

“I spent a lot of money on this coat, and wouldn’t it be a waste not to wear it?”

“Sure, but...” And here she looks from the coat in his hands, to his face, to a specific spot on his face, before settling on his face, hand tapping on her workout bench. “Why now? It’s almost Spring soon.”

She has a point there, Date. The average temperature has been rising recently. Just this week it has increased by 3.6 degrees centigrade. While there is no guarantee that next month will continue this trend, it is still likely that-

“Okay, okay, I get it, Aiba. I just... want to wear the coat, okay? I had been meaning to for a while now, but it just... it didn’t feel right.” Not without you.

...

“...kay.”

“Hm?” Date looked down from where his gaze must have wandered listening to Aiba. Mizuki was looking down, fiddling with her hands. At his mumble, she looked back up, grey eyes looking... understanding, in a way that made Date feel weak in relief and self-loathing.

“I said, okay. Geez, do you need to get your ears cleaned too, along with your smelly old man clothes?”

“Hey! These clothes don’t smell!” A beat passes, occupied by a sniff. “Much.”

Their little jab war would have continued if not for Mizuki heading it off with an important question.

“Are you sure that’s even gonna fit you? You’re, uh... a bit wider than you used to be.”

At the question, Date confidently waves his hand.

“That’ll be fine. I’ve been thinking of this for a while, y’know. If I heat the leather up, then I can make it remould to my more masculine form.”

She narrows her eyes at that, and suddenly Date felt like a fool. But before she could even comment, his partner cut in aloud.

“Date, I do not believe you have the equipment required to perform such a procedure in your home. Furthermore, I find it dubious to attempt such a procedure without any practice, or assistance. As well, I-”

“It’ll be fine. I’ll have you with me, won’t I, Aiba?” The question was simple, but behind it was a silent plea. As he stared into space, waiting with something cold beginning to coil in his spine, his partner remained silent. Then, a kind voice.

“Of course, Date. Always.”

He couldn’t help the warm smile that spilled across his ragged face, not even when Mizuki smiled at the two of them like a proud mother seeing her children get along. Which is an odd metaphor to use given their relationship, but not the point. Wanting to eradicate the embarrassment he felt, Date instead chose to taunt.

“Ha! Now I’ll be just fine with my clothes, Mizuki, you non-believer!”

Her smiling visage was quickly replaced with a glare and a growl. The two began another of their many bouts, with the third member of their little family chipping in every now and then. Date began to wear his old leather coat and pants not even a week later, seeming more comfortable in his own skin than he had in the last three months.

“Hey, Mr. Date.”

He took a deep swig of his bourbon and quickly swallowed, ignoring the burn as he turns to his subordinate. An aesthetically familiar head looks back, cheeks almost as red as his left eye.

“What is it, Ryuki?”

He smiled, like he usually would whenever he was drunk and his name was said. It was kinda cute, Date supposed, in a similar way to an old dog still wagging its tail whenever it saw its owner. Ryuki gestured exaggeratedly towards his hands, one wrapped around his glass, and the other tapping on the bar counter.

“It’sh your hands, Mr Date.”

Oh, he’s starting to slur, now. Have they really been here so long? It didn’t even feel like he spent that much time with Ryuki... Aiba, do you mind-

Yes, Date, I can drive you and Ryuki home. Again.

Thaaanks. Now, back to his subordinate.

“What about them?”

They were certainly larger than the ones he had used the last six years. Thicker and harder, too. His dexterity hasn’t suffered any, luckily enough, but he still sometimes thinks his hand is smaller than it is when he tries to reach through a tight gap. The skin was rougher, not scar-covered, but he wouldn’t have been surprised. Oh, and he was-

“Why’re yoou only wearing a glove on oone of them?”

And he was wearing a glove on one of them. His left hand, specifically.

“Well, Ryuki, my wonderful subordinate. Gloves are helpful in our profession, as they let us manually interact with any evidence we find without having to significantly worry about leaving any prints behind that could interfere with the investigator’s investigation. They aren’t a requirement, of course, but I would always recommend to have at least one on you.”

He’s smiling again, face flushing even brighter red- is that healthy?- but he waves his hand.

“Nooo, I already know that, Mr. Date! You told me months ago!” He did? Maybe he’s more drunk than he thought... “I mean, why are you only wearing one glove now? You used to wear two.”

Now he could feel his face start to blush.

“Ah, well, you see, I-”

He gave the spare glove to Hitomi, as a keepsake.

Aiba, you traitor! Was that over comms!?

Yes.

Ugghhh...

“Uh, please ignore that, won’t you, Ryuki? It’s a little embarrassing. And, I only gave it to her because I thought she could use it, okay!? No other reason!”

He said that, but he couldn’t help looking at his gloved hand, and imagining its partner being worn by the woman he wanted to one day call his partner, in love and life, even if he doesn’t feel worthy of even trying.

And because he couldn’t help it, he missed the way Ryuki’s face seemed to go lax, the way his flush shrank away and the way his expression showed his yearning sorrow. By the time Date turned around, Ryuki’s expression had once again become a dopy smile, and their night continued on.

He found himself sitting in that place again, back against the stairs as he stares out at the shrine grounds. No matter how long it’s been, six years or twelve, it never changes. Even the tree Mizuki had knocked down so long ago had been replanted and regrown.

He had told her, once, that this place made him feel calm. At peace. That was true, but there was probably more to it than he realised. This was, after all, the place he had first met the love of, he’ll admit it, his life. It was also a place he had often come to with the first girl he had thought of as a daughter. Obliquely, some part of him wondered if that little girl, now a grown woman in her own right, still wanted him to fulfill that wish of hers. If, even if he did, she would bother to call him Dad.

It frustrated him. That no matter how hard he tried, it was as if the world was determined to tear him away from the things he loved. It frustrated him, that he didn’t have the strength to force his way past the world. Not when he wants to most, at least. And what frustrated him the most, is how no one blamed him for it.

It verged on blame. Mizuki’s screams, Ryuki’s sobs, Aiba’s reticence. But it never tipped over. They asked why he never came home earlier, and he answers, and that’s that. No blame. And he refuses to ask for forgiveness. He refuses to talk about it, doesn’t want to force himself onto anyone after they all had over half a decade of not needing to be weighed down by him.

And it frustrated him. Because it wasn’t much more than an excuse. Because he was scared of being hated by the people he loves, for something he couldn’t control. Because he knows that if he just asked, just talked about it, they would. They would tell him there was nothing to forgive, they would understand, and they would even try to bring him back into their lives, rather than just the portions that he had to force himself into.

So, here he was. At the place he felt most at peace, all alone. Hoping that those Gods he didn’t believe in, that he would otherwise curse and rue, might finally offer him some sort of boon for the bullshit he could call his life. Instead, what he got was...

“Oh, it’s you. The old man.”

He blinks, before looking over. Her voice threw him for a bit, he thought his roommate-friend-daughter if he could even call her that anymore had found him while he was sulking. Instead, a glance out his good eye showed a familiar looking girl wearing the most outlandish clothes he had ever seen, and that was even taking Gen into account.

“Hey, kid.”

The greeting came unbidden, competing and eventually domineering over the natural thought to call her Mizuki and the overcompensating instinct to call her Bibi. Her slight grimace showed that he was probably damned no matter what.

“Ugh. Just call me Bibi, old man.”

“Alright, alright...”

He stared as she calmly approached, eventually taking a spot next to him on the stairs of the shrine. He blinked as she closed her eyes and hummed. She seemed cool as a cucumber, but he was feeling pretty awkward. He had to break the ice, somehow.

“So, uh... what are you doing here?”

She doesn’t respond, and for a moment Date felt a spark of irritation light up. It was quickly extinguished when she answered, though.

“Oh, you know. Just doing everyone a favour and looking for a certain idiot of an old man that went missing and still hasn’t bothered to get a phone yet.”

Ouch.

“H-hey. I’ve got a phone. I just... forgot to give my number out, is all...”

He could feel her judging him, her artificially heterochromatic eyes piercing straight through his leather coat and weathered body straight to his heart. He was certain that if Aiba were here, she would mock him for forgetting something so obvious. Hell, if she were here, he wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place.

Before he could ponder further on his own incompetence, Bibi stuck her hand out to Date, making a give gesture. Date raised a brow. Bibi furrowed her brow before aggressively continuing the gesture. Date could only tilt his head in response. It was Bibi that lost their impromptu staring contest, speaking.

“Your phone. Give me your phone.”

Her voice was harsh and clipped, so Date hardly hesitated in fishing the old thing out of his pocket. It was old, especially in this day and age, and worn being second-hand and all. But it was sturdy, and had seen him through many a job. Bibi grabbed it from his hand and started clicking through the menus. Eventually, she must have found something since she took a few seconds to stare before hitting the power button and tossing it back. Date could only grab it completely lost.

“Alright, old man. What’s your problem?”

“Huh?”

Date could only stare in shock. She comes up to him, invades his private time, insults him and demands his phone, and he’s the one with the problem? Kids these days...

“Your problem. Why are you out here, instead of... I dunno, spending time with your friends? Your girlfriend? Your daughters, maybe?”

Oh, great. This is what he gets for asking the gods for anything.

“Well, you know... it’s peaceful out here. I just needed some fresh air.”

“With no way to contact you? Right.”

“They’d have found me eventually. I mean, you did, and we hardly know each other.”

“Ha.”

The two sat in silence. It wasn’t exactly comfortable, but it wasn’t uncomfortable either. Date ran his gloveless right hand through his hair. His real hair, not the admittedly impressive synthetic fibres for his facemask. He couldn’t help but grimace. The last six years have not been super helpful for his hygiene, especially with all the travelling. His fingers eventually reached the dry ends of his hair, bleached near white.

“You know, I’ve never seen you with that face. At least, not personally.”

Date looked over, a brow raised. Bibi was just staring off into the distance.

“I had seen you a few times, with that new face near Mizuki. It had worried me a lot back then. Even when Mama would show me your old profile and called you a friend, I still worried. I felt so much better when you started wearing that mask. It felt a lot simpler, even if that was actually the face of someone that tried to hurt Mizuki. But, it felt like wearing the mask made everyone else a bit sadder. Even you.”

Date silently stared. Looking down, he found himself looking at the hollow face mask. One of the only connections he had to a past he didn’t know those last six years. It was horrible. Back then, he loved it and hated it at the same time, but he never knew why. Could never place that it was a feeling of wonderful familiarity, of the same face in the mirror, of a sign of six years lived in blissful ignorance with people he called his family. Could never place that it was a feeling of hatred and pain, of a sneering face looking down as his left eye ached, of a sign of a tragedy that could have occurred, that should have occurred, that had occurred and then had not occurred.

“But, you know, when you went missing, I would go take a look around sometimes. Whenever I was feeling up to it. But the face I was looking for had always been yours. Not the mask’s. I think I like you better like this. What about you?”

Then she turned to him, completely serious. For a moment, Date could appreciate that Mizuki would grow up to look every bit like the total badass she always was. But, that was only for a moment. For the next few questions, he considered.

“I... I don’t really know. Back then, all I wanted to be was Kaname Date. Even if there was a part of me that wanted to take care of what Falco had left behind, to accept what Falco was, there was so much more that wanted to just... run away. That wanted to keep on raising Mizuki, that wanted to keep on investigating with Aiba, that wanted to look in the mirror and see a friend instead of a stranger, an enemy. But then, the Church happened... and I was just Date. No Falco, no Kaname. Just, Date. And I lived my life, and saw my face as my own reflection, and I worked, and I grew my hair out. And then I saw that news report and it all came back to me, Kaname and Falco and Date all forced together and tied into a ruined ribbon named Kaname Date.”

He leaned over, arms resting on his knees, hands clasped, flesh and leather rubbing together. His throat ached, but he needed to force this out.

“But I don’t know who Kaname Date is, anymore. Is he the man with the black hair and eyes, gloveless and hopelessly in love? Is he the handsome secret agent clad in layers of black and purple, AI-Ball in tow? Or is he the labourer who grew his hair out, that hung out at bars with co-workers and helped out at local orphanages on the way, who dyed his hair that familiar shade of blond? Who... is Kaname Date to everyone else?”

His ears were ringing. His eye was burning. He took in one deep breath, then another, trying to regain his cool. He didn’t want to cry, not now. Especially not in front of that face. The yawning gap in his head had never felt so hollow, not since those days when the hole seemed to reach straight though his heart, forcing him to find some middle ground as Kaname Date.

Eventually, he caught his breath and cleared his vision enough to rise back to a sitting position with some amount of confidence. He didn’t want to look to his right. Instead, all he could do was laugh.

“Heh. Look at me, spilling my guts to a stranger. I really have changed, huh?”

The words felt bitter on his tongue. An aged bitterness, one that burns through the tongue.

His only response was the sound of rustling, then the creaking of the wooden steps. He couldn’t help but turn to see.

“Well, sometimes you need a stranger to spill your guts to. We’re way less likely to judge, y’know?”

She was standing, and took a step off the porch. She stopped so her back faced Date.

“I can’t tell you who Kaname Date is. No one can, I don’t think. Only you can figure out who you are, you know? But, you don’t have to do it alone. Because you’re not. You have family and friends who’ll help out, who’ll learn who Kaname Date is right along with you. Don’t you think that sounds like a better solution than sulking alone?”

Having said her piece, she began to walk off, leaving Date alone with her words. But she stopped again, this time turning around.

“Personally, I like this you better than any of those other options. Maybe try tying your hair up, though, you look like a creep about to drag someone into a river.”

Then she left, leaving with the last word.

“Damn brat.”

Date couldn’t help but smile. She wasn’t a bad kid. Looking down at his hands, one gloved in purple and the other bare and calloused, Date wondered. She liked this him better than the other options? He huffed. Sure like to keep it straightforward, huh. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a hair tie he would keep spare for work. Grabbing his hair, he tied it up in a low ponytail. Taking a deep breath of the shrine air, Date finally felt some of that frustration start to ease, some of his turmoil calmed. He still had a lot to do and say, but for now, this felt like a good first step.

Then his phone started to ring, with an familiar unknown number. Picking it up, he brought it to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Kaname? Is that you?”

“...Hitomi?”

Damn brat.

#ai the somnium files #ai the somnium files nirvana initiative #kaname date #hayato yagyu #art #story #mizuki okiura #kuruto ryuki #mizuki kuranushi #God this dragged on #I am not even remotely confident in my portrayal of Bibi #I am so sorry

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mayermayer65 · 2 years

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gamble74vilstrup · 2 years

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clairenatural · 3 years

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i had a dream that sam and dean took cas to an art museum and showed him all these paintings of angels and it was like that scene in vincent and the doctor and cas said these paintings are beautiful because they depict the angels as human when a true angel could never be described as anything but monstrous and i woke up crying

anon i love this SO much. i love it so much i had to write it. this is 1.4k, destiel, human!cas

They’re making their way out of the city, monster killed and day saved, when Castiel sees a poster, pasted up on the side of the plywood wall of a construction site. It’s an angel—he doesn’t recognize the artist, but he’d guess late 19th century. Be Not Afraid: a History of Angels in Art, it proclaims, the logo of the city’s largest art gallery tucked into the corner.

Castiel stares at it. The angel on the poster stares back, wings spread and staff raised. Valiant. Something in his heart twitches, but it’s hard to place. He still has his blade, tucked safely into the trunk with the rest of their frequently used weapons, and he never had wings like that; even the shadows, the ones they showed to humans, were simply the closest representation to the real thing possible in this dimension (his back aches anyway, dimly, his human body reacting to the loss as if they were real severed appendages. He ignores it).

Dean notices, because of course he does. He stops, because of course he does, and flags Sam down before his long legs can carry him too far ahead. “Hey. You good?”

Castiel isn’t sure how long he’s been staring at the poster, but it’s long enough that Dean is obviously concerned. “Hm? Oh. Yes, I’m—I’m fine.”

Dean nods but doesn’t move. He considers the poster. “Art gallery, huh?” he asks, avoiding the obvious elephant. Castiel appreciates it. He nods back.

“I’ve never been to one,” he offers, as explanation. It seems odd—he can remember the painting of the Sistine Chapel, he remembers watching with fascination as humans began collecting the smaller paintings into collections and museums, but he’d never been inside one. It hadn’t seemed necessary. Humans collect art in large boxes to remember their history, but Castiel has seen it all.

Dean seems surprised by this. “Seriously?” Castiel nods, and there’s a pause, and he’s about to turn and keep heading towards the car, and Kansas, and home, when Dean claps him on the shoulder and turns to call over his own.

“Sammy! How do you feel about seeing some art?”

“You want to go to an art gallery?” Sam sounds incredulous, and is closer behind him than Cas expected. He hadn’t noticed him retreat the half-block he’d managed to gain on them.

“Yeah, why not? Come on. What happened to ‘a little culture wouldn’t hurt, Dean?’”

"What happened to ‘I’ve got plenty of culture, eat your damn burger?’”

“It’ll be fun, Sam,” Dean counters. Something in his tone has changed. Cas doesn’t think too hard about it.

There’s a long pause, and Cas knows there’s some sort of communication happening he can’t hear or see. “…Okay,” Sam concedes. “Okay, sure. Yeah. Let’s go.”

So they do.

Dean makes a comment about “haven’t been in one of these since I was a kid,” before they all fall into the hushed silence of the museum floor. It’s nice—nicer than Castiel had expected. Not in aesthetics; the building is sleek, and modern, and the art is obviously beautiful. But it’s nice to be there. It feels almost Holy—humans, funny creatures they are, with their habit of treating their own culture with the respect of something divine. Creating houses of worship out of museums and libraries and living rooms.

He wanders through the various exhibits but doesn’t really pay attention until he ends up in the exhibit from the poster. He’d managed to lose the Winchesters halfway through the photography exhibit, when both the brothers had gotten distracted. Castiel had continued onward anyway, on a mission, and by the time he finds himself walking into the angel exhibit he’s on his own.

He comes to a stop in front of one of the largest paintings in the room. It’s not the same angel as the poster. It’s several, actually, looking over what appears to be Mary and a baby Jesus. The angels are beautiful—smooth, flawless skin. They have long hair that looks soft, even in paint. They’re wearing white robes, and their wings are white and dove-like. None of these angels have several heads, rotating bands of fire, or thousands of eyes. They’re beautiful, but they aren’t angels. The human who painted this didn’t know that, of course—none of them did. Humanity was faced with the concept of divinity and conceptualized it as a version of itself.

“The real things ain’t as cuddly, huh?”

Dean’s voice startles him, which he hates, both because he hates being startled and because he’s still adjusting to Dean being able to sneak up on him.

“I was just thinking,” he starts, pretending he’d known Dean was there the whole time, “you paint us like we’re human.” Not ‘us’ anymore, he reminds himself, but he brushes that thought off. Not now.

Beside him, Dean snorts. “Yeah, well. If you’d told any of those Renaissance guys that the real angels are dickhead balls of celestial intent, they’d’ve arrested you for heresy.”

Castiel shakes his head. “No.” he pauses. “Well, yes. But that’s—” he turns to face Dean for the first time. He notices Sam over Dean’s shoulder, focusing intently on a painting a few feet away and obviously pretending not to listen.

“My father—God—Chuck,” he cycles through, which will never not be weird, “created us first, but not in his image. We weren’t worthy of that. Only you were. Humans, his perfect creation, modeled after their creator. But then—” he turns back to the painting and gestures to it. “You created us in your image. You thought about divinity and you couldn’t conceive anything more Holy than yourselves.”

Dean shifts. He tries for a laugh, but it comes out short. “Well, damn, Cas. Way to make a guy feel self-centered.”

Castiel turns back to him. He blinks. He frowns. That’s not what he means. “Most of my siblings thought so,” he agrees. “But I always thought it was an honor. Look,” He turns again and reaches out for the painting, only remembering a few inches from its surface to not touch it. “This one has a lyre. You always paint us playing music. But music, art….these are human things, Dean.” He lets his hand fall, but keeps his eyes forward. “We’re soldiers. They don’t teach us to play the harp in Heaven, they train us to fight. But these angels are…soft. Kind. Angels you trust to protect. The kind of angels people pray to, build churches to.” He looks back at Dean, who is staring at him with a frown. He holds his gaze, steady, and takes a deep breath before finishing. “I wish I was—that any of us were—worthy of being depicted this way. I wish we were the angels you paint us as.”

There’s a long pause while Dean searches his face, obviously trying to decide on the right reaction. If they were at home, Cas thinks Dean might reach out and hug him. Instead, Dean reaches out to clap a hand on his shoulder—he lets it linger there, and Cas knows what it means, so that’s okay, too. “For what it’s worth,” he starts, and his voice is softer than the last time he spoke. “You’re the closest thing to those angels that I’ve ever seen.”

It’s a nice sentiment, but Cas smiles sadly as he turns back to the painting. “I’m not any kind of angel anymore,” he points out, and tries his hardest to keep his voice neutral.

Dean squeezes his shoulder and tilts his head, trying to recapture Castiel’s gaze. “Hey. Look at me.” Reluctantly, he looks back over. “Your wings weren’t what made you a good angel, alright?” he brings his other hand up to poke into Castiel’s chest. “That was all in here.”

He sounds like he’s quoting the Wizard of Oz, and Cas wants to make a joke about that, but he’s also never wanted to kiss Dean more. He doesn’t, because they’re in a museum, and they’re still working up to that, but he makes a note to do it later. Instead, he reaches up and pulls Dean’s hand away from his chest, links it in his own, and squeezes.

“Thank you,” he says, and it’s earnest, and it’s for everything.

Dean smiles. He understands. He squeezes back.

#i do hope it was ok to write this #i was hoarding this ask until i could #bc i couldnt stop thinking about it!!!#Anonymous #answered #my words #over 1k words #destiel #deancas #destiel fic #deancas fic #i am Not an art historian so i tried to keep all the descriptions vague enough to not cause problems but if there are issues im sorry

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kyberphilosopher · 3 years

Text

Dᴏꜱᴄᴇɴᴅᴏ Dɪꜱᴄɪᴍᴜꜱ

The reader tries to paint the Colossal Titan from memory, and Bertholdt seems to know more than most people.

Requested: no.

Word Count: 2092

Docendo Discimus is a Latin proverb meaning "by teaching, we learn." It is perhaps derived from Seneca the Younger, who says in his Letters to Lucilius: Homines dum docent discunt., meaning "Men learn when they teach”.

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

The human body is home to somewhere between six hundred and eight hundred muscles. There are two hundred and six bones, seventy-eight organs, one hundred thousand miles of veins, and roughly ten pints of blood. Every individual cell has a purpose, important and needed for the body to continue to function.

Assuming the anatomy of a titan was the same to that of the average person’s, the Colossal Titan should be easier to render than this. You’d sketched the face of muscle and teeth over a hundred times by this point, and each one of them seemed to draw further away from realism than you liked.

Sure, it was arguable that the Colossal just didn’t have the same anatomy in his face as the average human. But then there should’ve been more factors in his face that shouldn’t have worked.

For example, the monster didn’t possess a muscle called the orbicularis. You could remember that specifically from the time you and your fellow cadets had gotten a bit too close for comfort. But based on the lack of orbicularis, he shouldn’t have been able to blink. And yet, he had. There was also a strange muscle in his temporal region with horizontal fibers, that couldn’t have simply been his temporal. It doesn't seem to have any particular function, either.

God damn it. It’s appearance should’ve been the one thing about this bastard to make sense, but instead it had confused you just as much as the rest of it. Never mind how smart you were. If you couldn’t solve this simple turned complex mystery, why hold out hope for studying anatomy when the world would return to normalcy?

In your frustration, you slam the paintbrush back into your cup of water. A stain of red clouds erupts in the liquid at once, angry from how direct the solid hits the surface. In front of you, the canvas shines with the new layer of red paint. Beside it is a coat of salmon, also fresh and lined with the titan’s muscles.

“So stupid,” you hiss, half to yourself. You grab your cadet corps jacket, shrugging it on swiftly before crossing your arms and stepping back.

It was supposed to be a gift for Eren. He knew you were something of a painter and had once jokingly asked you to make a dart board for him. The moment you conceived this idea, you knew it had to be a stroke of genius. But you wanted to get it right, and for that, the artist and realist inside of you seemed to be punished for it.

Was it something with the eyes? No, it was definitely the anatomy of the titan overall. “For fucks sake,” you wave off finally, turning on your heel to walk away for a while. But when you turn around, you’re face to chest with one so broad you nearly stumble back.

The figure tenses up immediately. You tilt your head up to see who it is, recognizing the nervous, kaleidoscope eyes of your comrade. Bertholdt, you’re sure his name is. You haven’t talked too many times, but you’ve seen him in your circle of friends. There’s a memory in your brain of asking your bunkmate, Annie, about why Bertholdt would hang around someone so upstanding and obnoxious as Reiner, but you can’t recall her specific answer.

“O-oh, Y/N!” Bertholdt nearly wheezes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to stand so close.”

“It’s fine,” you mutter, rubbing the side of your head as you step away. “What are you doing here?”

Yes, what was he doing here? A little closeted off room by the girl barracks? And aside from that, how does someone as tall as he even sneak his way inside? It’s suspicious, to say the least.

“I was just-” Bertholdt stares down at you, sweat already beginning to form on his face. Oh, goddess. How is he to get out of this one? If Reiner was with him, he could just lie his way out of it. But now, looking down at your apathetic, borderline tired, frustrated face, he knows he’s never had much luck with girls. Especially not pretty girls like you.

His gaze shifts to behind you. There, on a perfectly square parchment of thick paper, is a rough sketch of a long face without any skin. It seems to be all muscle, labeled and detailed. Half the sheet is colored in with pinks, browns, and scarlets, with the other half marked with insane little scribbled patterns that remind him of words.

You’re still waiting for an answer. He sees your steady, patient eyes and your balled fists by your hips, and Bertholdt wonders if you already know. “I saw you bring in those cans of paint, and I guess I got curious.”

“Oh,” you reply flatly. “Yeah. That.”

“It’s um...” Compliment her. Compliment her painting. “It’s a nice painting. What’s it supposed to be of?”

“The Colossal Titan,” you tell him as you rub the back of your neck. Then you turn on your side so you can view your art, immediately narrowing your eyes in disgust at it. “It’s not my best.”

Bertholdt’s words come out a bit louder than he intended. “Actually, I think it’s really, really great, Y/N!”

You turn back to meet Bertholdt’s nervous, almost quivering eyes. You certainly wouldn’t call yourself an expert on the male gender, but this tall bastard was exactly the stereotype of someone who wasn’t an expert on the female gender. It was almost funny. No, it was almost ironic.

“I just mean that... it’s really good. It’s easy to see that you have heaps of talent,” the brunette reiterates, seemingly calmer this time.

What a nice thing to say to someone.

“That’s not really my point though,” you borderline sigh. “The point is that no matter what I seem to do to him, it doesn’t seem realistic does it?”

“What do you mean by that?” Bertholdt questions, his eyebrows furrowing. That’s right, he wouldn’t be able to squint without his orbicularis. Something your art model was currently lacking.

Do you even bother to explain it to him? It’s not like either of you are close, or like he’d exactly understand what you were saying to him anyway. But where was the harm, really?

You walk back towards the parchment, with Bertholdt just a few steps behind.

“See this area?” you ask, gesturing to the Colossal Titan’s eye area. “There's a muscle here that’s supposed to let people close their eyes. But the colossal titan doesn’t have that.”

“W-why is that?”

You shrug. “Damned if I know. But doesn’t it look wrong on him?”

Bertholdt observes the painting. He sees all the details, all the time you’ve put into it. While you are right about the image and the titan’s strange features, it’s now that Bertholdt realizes just how intelligent you really are. Unlike other people, you actually knew things. If he were an enemy, he might be starting to feel threatened right about now. Ironic indeed.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” the boy says shyly. “Why does it have to be perfect, though?”

Good question.

“No real reason,” you tell him, trying to hide the hint of smile. “I guess it’s just how it is. Eren is the one who asked for this.”

“O-oh... you mean like a...”

Your eyes flit back to Bertholdt. “Like a what?”

Bertholdt can feel the sullen wave of anxiety wash over him. He hadn’t meant to let the stray thoughts fall from his lips, but now he can’t take it back. Now what does he say? “I just mean, is it a gift or something like that?”

“Sure.”

Were you and Eren...?

“I might be able to help you with it,” Bertholdt stutters, again, louder than he’d intended. He’s lucky at least one of you is level headed during this interaction.

“How so? Do you paint?”

“No, but I think I might know some things about the Colossal that you don’t,” Bertholdt offers. His right arm reaches behind to rub at his sweaty neck. In that instant, you can see that the boy has an almost identical structure to that of your subject. You’d have to note that the tall boy would make a brilliant model for something like this.

“Like what?” you question. “Could you give me some feedback on my piece then?”

Shit. Shit. Shit. You were going to find out.

Bertholdt pretends to be in deep thought for a minute, knitting his dark eyebrows together. His green, blue eyes sweep over the picture, watching the slick settle. “Well, you’re right about the muscle around the eye. I’d take that out, but maybe place the shadow of it?”

“The shadow?”

“The outline. And maybe make his eyes more glossy than this. Titan’s have a second set of eyelids.”

You don’t have time to question him further. Bertholdt continues the onslaught of information.

“I think you should also make some of these areas here a bit lighter,” he says, pointing to the side of the Colossal’s face. “From the steam and the high body temperature, it would get a bit smoky.”

“Yeah,” you begin slowly, watching the shine in Bertholdt’s previously nervous eyes. “I hadn’t considered that.”

The lanky male in front of you lets his lips curl into a sheepish smile, closing his eyes as his fingers thread themselves between his hair. “I doubt most people do, so you’re not really in the wrong.”

“How do you know so much?” you ask. “You’ve been quiet with everyone up until now. Do the higher ups even know all this?”

“I mean, they’d have to right? I guess I just took a lot of notes in class.”

You hadn’t remembered your professor mentioning most of these things during your Titan Studies period. But maybe it wasn’t really worth questioning him over. Maybe Bertholdt was just more observant than you had ever really considered. It wouldn’t have been the first time.

Your eyes are fixated on him. Bertholdt was kind of cute, actually. His eyes are both big and slim, with pale green orbs. His skin was always a bit illuminated with a nervous sweat, and he was incredibly mild mannered. But maybe that was actually a good thing compared to all the boys in camp who seemed to lack any conception of manners. Pouty, chapped lips, a gentle smile, messy dark hair. He seems like someone reliable. Kind. Trustworthy.

“Yeah,” you say again, breaking eye contact. “So, are there any other suggestions you have for me?”

Bertholdt is still for a moment, thinking it over. “No, other than don’t think so hard about it, probably.”

“You two sort of have a similar face,” you say, staring at the muscled beast you’d attempted to replicate. “Maybe you should pose for me sometime.”

Bertholdt tenses.

“I’m only joking,” you assure. Bertholdt’s broad shoulders fall as he relaxes, and a soft exhale leaves from between his lips. “But I would like it if you’d let me model after you.”

“Me?” Bertholdt stutters, shocked. “You mean you’d want to really paint me?”

“‘Course,” you say, nonchalant as always. “You’ve got one of those faces.”

Bertholdt smiles naturally. Soft, but noticeable. You return it after a few seconds, feeling your previous frustration and anger at the piece begin to wander away.

“I should get back to work,” you say as you turn around. Bertholdt watches you unclip the parchment from your sturdy easel, place it on the stone floor, and grab another paper from a pile.

“Y-you’re starting again?”

“Of course,” you say. Your dominant hand laces around a piece of charcoal, preparing to drag it across the page. In one swift and scratchy motion, an onyx line appears at the top of the paper.

Bertholdt’s cheeks dust pink from behind you. He’s about to offer if you want him to pose for you so you can memorize what’s underneath his shy skin, but he stays quiet. Instead, Bertholdt is happy that he even got to speak to you in the first place. He wanders out of the room with butterflies in his stomach, and guilt in his heart.

And you, with your eyes narrow, basing the monster that ruined your life off the boy who had just helped you.

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

I didn’t proof read this. I feel like I’ve just been cranking stuff out lately. someone remind me to go back and edit thank you

#bertholdt x reader #bertholdt imagines #bertholdt hoover x reader #bertholdt fubar x reader #bertholdt fubar imagines #attack on titan x reader #attack on titan imagines #attack on titan fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #aot x reader #shingeki no kyojin x reader #shingeki no kyojin fanfiction #shingeki no kyojin masterlist #aot masterlist

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teatitty · 3 years

Text

I said I was gonna do a post about some redesigns for Lucy’s Spirits (her gold keys specifically) so here is that post

Aquarius

My biggest redesign by far, first of all I’ve given her body fat/blubber because she’s a mermaid and “thin model bodies” simply don’t work for me when smth lives in the fucking ocean. Either make them fat or buff unless you’re going with, like, a clownfish or smth.

She also has two toned skin; sea green fading into the blue of her tail. Hair is made of water and constantly “floats” around her. Gills on her sides/ribs for breathing, fins on her elbows + one on her back. Webbed hands and clawed fingers, rows of shark teeth. Still wears a circlet and jewellery. A little more “feral” in appearance to fit her bad temper and mermaid mythos

Instead of a bikini bra, she is wearing a patterned sports bra with criss-cross straps at the back. Made a conscious effort to be appear “nicer” (ie: no feral traits) when Lucy was a child so as not to frighten her and this habit has stuck with her since. She also has more obvious affection for Lucy, getting angry pretty quickly if someone insults or hurts her while Aquarius is summoned

Taurus

We were robbed of Gladiator Taurus I think about his concept art and personality every goddamn day so not only have I redesigned him to have a more “gladiator” appearance (but still shirtless and a walking cow) I’ve also changed his personality to be less “perverted” and more respectful though still a little flirty. He’s also boisterous and loud and always rearing for a good fight. Honestly a bit of a show off

When I say I made him more of a gladiator I mean that, apart from his shirtlessness, he’s basically dressed in traditional gladiator armour: the leather skirt thing (forgive me I forget its proper name), the high greaves, leather gauntlets, feathered helmet etc. Still has his big nose ring because I like it though

Aries

I think it’s unfair that only the men get to inherit more animalistic traits so much like Capricorn and Taurus, Aries is now an anthropomorphic ram with massive curly horns. She still keeps her pink hair because I love it and does, of course, get to wear nice fluffy clothing but she actually looks like her namesake now. She also has ram ears rather than human ones and side-ways rectangular pupils rather than round ones

In her pre-Karen days Aries was also much more aggressive and was known for having a fiery temper. She used to be very close to Aquarius and back in those days she dressed in more “punk like” clothing, including torn up jeans, a jacket with her name in sequins on it etc. She has a lot of hidden muscle underneath all her wool and is the third physically strongest Zodiac with Taurus at second and Leo, naturally, in first

Sagittarius

I’ll be honest he really doesn’t have much going for him in canon so I thought it’d be fun if he was just a super tired dude constantly taking naps who gets summoned in a whole horse onesie but could, if he wanted to, show up as a proper centaur. Also he’s an archer so...back and arm muscle get to it. His hair is also long and kept in a low ponytail because I couldn’t resist the joke opportunity of it

Scorpio

At first I was gonna get rid of his mechanical stinger and give him a real poisonous one but then I thought...what if we just lean all-in on the mechanical thing? Why not go for a futuristic sci-fi looking rockstar Scorpio, with neon vibrant mechanical implants that glow in the dark? Think of how fucking cool that would! He has a rockstar-like personality anyway (dude even does devil horns lol) and this would also keep the mechanical stinger without it seeming like an odd choice (I’m still making it poisonous though)

I’ve also scrapped my original redesign for Scorpio’s star dress and changed it to something that makes Lucy look like a rockstar too, complete with a blue star painted over her eye and an 80′s style curly mohawk with blue streaks

Cancer

Cancer has the start of a really good aesthetic but it feels like he was giving up on part-way through. First of all, we’re going for a more “creepy” aesthetic with his crab legs. I want his legs to be coming out of his sides instead of attached to his back and to also be his main form of transportation, so his body is sort of hanging in the air while his long ass crab legs walk around everywhere, including up the walls and along the ceilings

His clothes have also been changed to look more caribbean inspired, with bright vibrant patterns but he is keeping his gold chain necklace. As a result, Lucy’s star dress has also been changed to a long flowing gown that is just as brightly patterned as Cancer’s own garb and she’s also got bangles and bracelets to match his necklace

Leo

Leo canonically gains more lion-like traits the longer he readjusts to being a Spirit again so I propose that his ears are real, he has fangies, purrs when he’s happy and will one day regain a lion tail and paw pads on his hands. I would also say he has gold flecks in his eyes, more “cat-like” expressions and his hair adopts a much wilder “mane-like” appearance. This is just something fun for me but I think a Leo with darker skin to represent that lions irl are mostly found in Africa and historically also existed in South Asia (you can still find Indian Lions actually!) would be extra neat and good

Capricorn

There’s really nothing to change with Capricorn except my own HC that he has time-based eye magic which is why he wears shades all the time. His pupils look like clock hands. His horns also remind me more of a ram than a goat so I’ve stuck his ears to the sides of his head and then given him proper goat horns that stretch backwards from the top of his head

Virgo

Really the only difference I’d make to Virgo is having more variety in how she can present herself. We only see two forms in canon but Virgo is “the maiden” so it stands to reason she could make herself appear in any female form she desires, be that an hourglass model, someone busty and fat or a grizzled old woman. The only thing giving her away would be her eyes, hair and dull formal tone of voice

Gemini

Honestly the only difference Gemini have here is that neither of them have a gender. Canonically “Gemi” is the brother and “Mini” is the sister but they look like little blue aliens and they can copy the form of any person ever regardless of gender so. Gemini simply have no gender whatsoever. Thank you for listening

#fairy tail #redesign #celestial spirits #long post

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ebonyslasher · 3 years

Text

Character Love

My headcanons on which black girl video game characters each of the slashers would like the most.

Tbh they would like multiple ones, but I wanted to focus on ones that I thought would stick out to them the most

Twintelle (ARMS)

Asa Emory

When you first choose her while playing ARMS, he is drawn to how classy she looks.

He quietly watches the whole time you play as her; he would usually get up and go somewhere else when you play games

Lowkey mesmerized by her movements (them hips) and really likes the concept of her hair being powerful like that. Thinks it’s pretty symbolic to how he thinks black women's’ hair is .

On his own time, he goes to look her up on Google. He sees all the.......”nice” fanart of her. Oh he’s a fan fan now

He has a folder dedicated to her on his computer, but he would never let you know that....

Hannibal Lector

He’s hooked on her as soon as he hears the smooth ‘bonjour’ from her when you choose her character.

He raises his eyebrows and asks, “Who is this character?”

Oh she’s french? And she’s a movie star? And she likes tea? He loves her already

He feels like she would truly appreciate his dishes (well.....) and his bougie self.

He sits and watches the gameplay and really likes how it seems like she glides even when she is on the ground.

Shinobu (No More Heroes)

Michael Myers

Her appearance really stood out to him when he was watching you play NMH. He became a sucker for that hair color and skin tone combo she got going on.

He thought she was really cute, kinda looks like you in the face.......no wonder he thought that

He respects her after she got her arm cut off and kept trying to fight

Likes that she's good with a blade and can chop up so many people in little time. He thinks it would be sexy if you cosplayed as her and you started slicing bitches

Leo Kasper (if he's 'activated')

Thinks she's cute and badass. Plain and simple

Would love a woman like her in real life, they would be the best serial killing duo wherever they walked

He's pretty sadistic, so he enjoys the whole game. The killing scenes are super cool to him. Don't be surprised if he tries to recreate them

He will want to play her levels in NMH 2. He doesn't know what the moe shit she's talking about but she sure knows how to kill in style

He gets turned on by her a lot (he thinks travis was stupid for turning her down)

Olivia (Pokemon)

Billy Loomis

Plays video games on and off. He's more into the old school pokemon games

You get him to take turns with you to play pokemon sun and moon

Y'all get to her introduction and she comes out walking like bam bam bam. And he is shook shook shook!

Oh he's definitely taking over playing now. He enjoys every second of battling against her

Will watch pokemon sun and moon anime but ONLY her scenes. He don't care for anything else.

Carrie White

"Oh she's soooo pretty!💕"

I hc that Carrie's fav color is pink, so she really likes her outfit

She wishes she could be as confident as her! But also thinks it's really sweet that Olivia is humble like 🥺🥺

Will watch pokemon sun and moon in its entirety with you, even if it's just for olivia

Nessa(Pokemon)

Stu Matcher

An avid video gamer. He keeps up with the latest news on series that he's interested in

Once he saw her in one of the reveals, he had to get the game right now

Stu is one of the guys that thinks Nintendo is on a roll with making more beautiful black female characters

He makes her his computer background 🤣

You can see him zooming in on her face every chance he gets while in battle

Also watches a shit ton of other guys fawn all over her on youtube.

Tiffany Valentine

Instantly in love with her color scheme. Other than red, a lot of goth/emo styles use blue as an accent color as well.

Appreciates her hair, eyes, and style...she just appreciates her in general

Not surprised to learn that nessa is a model too like look at her😍

You two fangirl over her together

Marina (Splatoon)

Vincent Sinclair

Already likes Splatoon cause it's colorful and he likes the art style. He even enjoys the soundtrack, shit slaps

You show him the mini music video intro to the new host, marina and pearl. He's vibin with it

He sees Marina and is like who??is???she???

She's freaking adorable, that's who she is.

Don't get me wrong, he likes pearl too. But Marina's design hits different. Vincent fixates on her the whole time.

He really wants to draw her now

Jason Voorhees

Cute!!!!!

He's into any type of cute aesthetic type character so you already knew he would like her

He asks you to buy a Marina doll if they make one

He cuddles the shit out of her when it arrives, it makes a cute picture

His favorite part of her is her fingers. It's so cool to him that her tips are real. It blends in perfectly with her skin tone

Menat (Street Fighter)

Billy Lenz

Hubba hubba 😝😝😝

Starts asking you who she is when she comes on screen

If she was real he woulda asked her for a menat-a-trois, y'know what I'm saying

Drooling from the mouth over her walk and outfit

Her power special dance makes him buss in his pants

Wants to play but only to see her flexibility and that walk

Daniel Lamb

Watches you play games from time to time and may join you if it's multiplayer

Y'all playing street fighter. He's going through the character selection and lands on Menat.

He double takes on her and chooses her cause she's pretty. He also thinks her voice is really cute

Sometimes won't fight just to see her walk lol but he genuinely likes her fighting style

Tries to keep his mind innocent but he can't help the thirsty thoughts that flow through his mind when he sees those outfits

If you cosplay as her, it will knock you off his feet

Sheva Alomar (Resident Evil)

Chromeskull

I feel like chromeskull would enjoy some zombie ish video games where he could kill people without hiding it (although he wouldn't make as much money)

So he totally plays resident evil, even when you aren't there

It's weird that he's playing the hero in the game...but he doesn't mind that when he sees Sheva cause sheeeshhh

It's so sexy to him when a woman can kill with whatever weapon she has. Esp if it's powerful.

He respects her pure badassery. She's on a mission and she sticks to it.

Although he likes her design, he wishes that they gave her curlier and more accurate hair. She is from Africa after all....

Bo Sinclair

This boy loves a girl who can handle a gun. On some redneck southern shit.

He has a crush on her as soon as he sees her with some powerful ass guns that she handles well like damn

An African queen that can fight can make his heart right 💯

He's also pretty sympathetic to her backstory. Which is a bit weird considering what him and his brothers did to the town that they live in

Imani (Paladins)

Norman Bates

So she can control fire and ice? That's pretty cool

He doesn't really understand the stories behind the different video games. They all kinda blend together for him

But he's never seen stuff like this before. He gets a lil hit under the collar looking at Imani cause she's an absolute beauty

He feels a bit guilty cause he thinks he's cheating on you by liking the character. But you reassure him that it isn't and you like her like that too😆

Brahms Heelshire

Captivated by those hips of hers like dayummmm

And those outfits too like wow

"She's sexy y/n......"

He hated that you can't really see her during the gameplay but he can get off to her hands to. He can get off to any part if he works hard enough

If he knows how to use a laptop 💻 he will look her up and browse all the fanart of her

... he will end up finding rule 34 of her. That's the first place he tries to go to

Probably will jack off to her pictures

#michael myers #billy loomis #stu macher #brahms heelshire #jason voorhees #chromeskull #asa emory #tiffany valentine #carrie white #daniel lamb #leo kasper #norman bates #bo sinclair #vincent sinclair #hannibal lecter #billy lenz

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catboycafe · 3 years

Text

I Will Now Express Every Thought I Have About Pacific Rim: The Black

⚠️ spoilers for the whole thing baby

I actually forgot Pacific Rim: The Black was premiering today until I saw it in an article this morning! When I first heard about it months ago, I was decidedly not sold on a Pacific Rim anime. Uprising burnt me the fuck out and I don’t have a lot of trust left in me for new entries to the franchise. But I had heard rumblings of Raleigh and Herc being referenced after going into #pacificrim and I decided I may as well check out to see what was up! I binged it in 4 hours and it sure was a whirlwind, I’ll tell ya

The Plot

I really enjoy the setting and initial concept! We’re so use to seeing Kaiju/Jaegar shenanigans play out within these major cities with helpless civilians everywhere that spending so much time in a lonesome desert and these destroyed civilizations was really cool and indicative of the changes Pacific Rim has undergone in the last few years. I also looooved the Desert Settlement from the beginning!! It seemed really homey and picturesque; I wish we’d spent more time with the other survivors and got to see more of their day to day aside from farming and sitting.

I also found the first episode set up to be really tight and well written! I was hooked during the initial flashback, Hayley and Taylor’s fight was really poignant and well acted, and the reveal of Atlas Destroyer felt really huge and epic!!

But once we left the Desert Settlement and the plot started actually moving along, the pacing becomes suuuper rough. We spent way too long in Bogan with Shane and Mei; there’s only 7 episodes and we spent, like, 3? 4? within the confines of that camp and I felt it weighed the plot down. Boy is introduced in the 2nd episode and, because the narrative spends so much time on Shane’s evil machinations and Mei’s back story, we still don’t know anything concrete about his origins or purpose 3 episodes later! That felt frustrating to me

The story beats overall were very predictable. I was able to pick up on Mei’s backstory via her dynamic with Shane in their introductions, so her memories felt too built up and too hollow once they were revealed. The same with the reveal of Boy’s Kaiju form; he was in a big green test tube in a PPDC base - I assumed immediately he was a part-kaiju experiment and again his reveal felt hollow, especially after the glacial pace of it’s development.

Even when events weren’t predictable, they lacked weight. The appearance of several Kaiju Breaches in “Boneyard” felt very cheap for some reason; I wasn’t scared and I didn’t feel tense about these odds mounting against the protagonists. This was just happening and I was just watching.

The Art Direction and Animation

I’m very obsessed with all the new Kaiju we got from this; I love how Copperhead is rendered, they’re a joy to see on screen!! The Rippers are also very cute and deserve little plushies...i love these neat little dogs. Boy’s Kaiju Form is very intimidating with an interesting color palette and I loved seeing him next to Copperhead’s highly saturated design!

That’s unfortunately all that I liked however; All the human character design is unmemorable to me. Every character looks exactly like another easily identifiable anime character from a different property (Hayley looks exactly like Zero Suit Samus to me, for example. And Mei kept reminding me of both Bernadetta Fire Emblem and Motoko Kusanagi from GitS. The list goes on).

I can sort of understand why they’re so bland? A franchise going from Live Action to something as heavily stylized as anime is probably a really difficult transition and these designs are probably meant to be more lowkey than more unique anime designs in order to help that transition. But realistically stylized designs can still be recognizable and unique! These feel uninspired and bare bones.

I have no problem with the switch to CGI animation that modern anime is doing because I know it’s a lot cheaper to produce and it can still be really unique and striking! But The Black’s model animation felt very stilted and inconsistent. I don’t have a lot of knowledge about animating so I don’t think I can accurately describe what I disliked? Wooden is probably the best term. Character movements felt wooden and things like hair and clothes felt plastic.

Impacts also had very little weight. The fight between Tayler/Mei and Copperhead reminded me of when you’re in a dream and trying to punch something, but you can’t punch hard. It was simply too floaty and too soft. The final showdown in “Showdown” was better, but not by much. It was very immersion breaking seeing these Giant Robots and Giant Monsters unable to throw a real solid hit!

Characters

My favorite character was unequivocally Joel Wyrick. We love Joel Wyrick in this house! Joel’s character has real charisma and charm. I love his flirtations with Loa, how his cocky disposition is juxtaposed with his drinking problem and later insecurities over his lost memories, and his genuine kindness shown to Mei, Taylor, and Boy. No one ever plays with Boy, they just run after him and drag him around...but Joel has this moment in “Escape from Bogan” where he kneels down to Boy and helps him collect rocks. It was sweet!

So of course, when Joel dies for absolutely no reason 5 minutes later - pissed! I was pissed! I yelled “COME ON” aloud in my studio apartment! I was genuinely so excited to see him interact more with the rest of cast then, poof. No More Joel.

His death felt like it was for shock value to me rather than actual narrative development. Why kill him when we still don’t fully understand his and Mei’s relationship? Why were they so close? Were they childhood friends, or just coworkers that happen to become friends? Why did he specifically know all the details of Shane’s abuse towards Mei before she did?

What did his death accomplish? It made Mei sad...ok? She was already...very sad. Her running away from Shane already had consequences - the consequences of Shane coming after them for revenge in the future. Why did Joel have to become a causality?

His death is ultimately tied to Mei’s character arc which is, unfortunately, my least favorite :c I find Mei to be a really one dimensional character with a personality, backstory, outlook, and motivation that I’ve seen done a million times before with a million other characters. She feels very out of place in the franchise as a whole - Pacific Rim is, at it’s core, a story about connecting with others. Her self-centric arc and lack of desire to connect outside of drifting really alienates her from the story at large and it frustrates me how long The Black’s narrative spends on her.

Hayley and Taylor were otherwise very interesting in the pilot episode, but become similarly one dimensional at the story chugs on. Taylor’s unflinching (bordering on unhealthy) faith in their parents was really interesting next to Hayley’s complete acceptance of their parents’ death. But once the two of them make up their differences, they lack an interesting dynamic and become very passive protagonists.

Taylor especially has no personality - how would you describe Taylor? He’s...brave. He’s the older brother. He’s a leader? He’s nice? There is nothing noteworthy about him at all, which is sad considering I think he has the potential to be a really interesting way to explore the original movie’s influence on The Black’s story.

Hayley’s grief and self-blame are more interesting than Taylor’s...nothingness, but she still falls into this one-note trope of being the naive, excitable little sister. I guess I feel abnormally frustrated about this flat character writing because Pacific Rim’s incredibly unique cast has always been an inspiration to me! It feels sad that this new iteration into the series is full of what feel like stock characters.

Then we get to Boy. How come Boy can’t have a person name? It’s specifically written in a dialogue between Taylor and Hayley: “I’m not going to call him Chad or Barnaby or one of those names for a baby brother you wanted as a kid,”

Why?

He’s by all accounts a human child when they find him. Yes, he was found in a big green test tube - but he walks and acts just like a human child. The only difference, seemingly, is that he is non-verbal and engages in strange/annoying behavior (running off, eating bugs, etc). So he isn’t deserving of a name?? I don’t know why that makes me so mad, it just does. it’s like they refuse to treat him as a human even before they find out he’s a Kaiju - it’s super weird! How can the story sell me on the three of them becoming found family (like they’re seemingly trying to do) if the protagonists won’t even treat this kid like a kid??

Misc. Thoughts

The callbacks to Stacker, Herc, and Raleigh were cool! I also like that Herc is a major plot point! We love Herc Hanson and it’s what he deserves. I also find Loa’s connection to Horizon Bravo very interesting...and the fact we’re getting Kaiju cultist lore! Love that! Love that!

Fucked up that the only two dark skinned characters were: 1) removed from the story 10 minutes in with no call back yet, 2) Killed after having 1 line of dialogue and fridged for the character development of the blonde white girl. I really need to know what the deal with those 4 characters leaving in the beginning was about - I absolutely thought we’d see them again by now, but no dice

I don’t know how to feel about Ajax and have no clue what their purpose in the story is. They’re cool, but whats the point?

If Mei and Taylor are paired up together romantically, I’m putting Craig Kyle and Greg Johnson in the time out box. Very tired of seeing random hetero romance B plots in stories that can’t even get their A plots together

Overall, it’s kind of subpar! It has the foundations of a really interesting story, but the pacing and characters really took me out of it. I’m interested in Season 2! I know season 2 is already ordered and I’d love to see how things continue to develop, see if the character writing gets any better - but I’m not too hopeful unfortunately. I really really love Pacific Rim after all these years and I’m happy to still be getting content and world building! There’s just sooo much I would change about this however. At least fanfiction’s free!

Thanks for reading all this, I have ADHD and just go on and on if u let me. hmu if You Too have thoughts about Pacific Rim: The Black and have no one to talk abt them with

#pacific rim #pacific rim: the black #pacific rim the black #taylor travis #hayley travis #long post #sorry this is thousands of words. i contain multitudes

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bisluthq · 3 years

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Hey! I'm fairly new here and I have a pretty uncommon take on Kaylor. But I just wanna start off by saying I try my best to be as supportive of LGBT people as possible and if they're both bisexual, then I would be 100% okay with that! I'm not trying to "defend their heterosexuality" or anything, I think that's really weird

Okay, so my personal theory is that Kaylor did happen, but that Taylor and Karlie are both straight. I know that might sound contradictory, but I say this based on my own personal experiences based on how I am with my best friend. I think Karlie and Taylor's relationship might have been similar in some ways to ours

Right, so I'm straight and I'm not into women in the gay kind of way (but it's completely cool that some girls are), and I have this roommate who's gorgeous. Really gorgeous, she's like a 10/10 "I would sell my kidney to look like you" kind of girl. She's very attractive, she has like tan skin and long legs and gorgeous brown hair and pretty eyes and nice lips and just like… she's just very good looking. I'm definitely jealous of her body, I won't even pretend I'm not 😪 I lowkey hate her because of it (jk)

We've been living together since not long before COVID started, and we're very good friends. There were three of us before, but our other roommate went back home to stay with her parents until in person classes are back on and we agreed to it and worked something out because she has really bad anxiety so we understood her reasoning for it

Anyway so it's just been us two and because we've been at home a lot during this time instead of out for most of the day like before, we've gotten to know each other a lot better and have become a lot closer. We were already friends from before, but now we're like super close besties, we've been hanging out a lot together and playing board games, watching movies, helping each other with essays, just having long conversations about anything and everything, etc

Like it's been so nice having a best friend that I can be this close to now because I haven't had a best friend since I was a kid

So my friend and I were having like a conversation last year about how hard it's been in quarantine not being able to go on dates and how we miss kissing people, and so we decided to just like, make out for fun you know. I mean, there's not really anything that's inherently romantic or sexual about making out, that's just society that says that. But tbh I think making out with your friends if you want to should be normalized, it's fun and it can even be emotional sometimes. It's not that different from hugging people

After a couple of weeks or so, I think we got bored of just making out with each other and decided to like, fully hook up. It started off because we were modelling lingerie for each other for banter and were pretending we were each other's runway judges and then I think we just decided to hook up with each other as like part of the whole "game". I can't remember who initiated it now, I think it might have been me as a joke lol

Like just in a platonic way for fun, as a kind of substitute until we can go back into society

And tbh I always expected hooking up with a woman to be like mediocre and boring and awkward, but although it was a bit hard to get the hang of at first and there was a learning curve, it's actually very enjoyable. Like I was very surprised actually at how hot it can be, I think I can maybe see why bisexual women and lesbians like doing it

Anyway we both liked it and we just carried on hooking up on the regular and it's been like 8 months now and tbh I just think it's very sweet and heartwarming, like it actually makes me feel a little emotional how we're close enough and care about each other enough that we can even help each other out with the physical intimacy side of things so that we don't get sexually frustrated while we're stuck in lockdown

I just think it's really cool and we even sleep in the same bed most of the time now because tbh what's the point in sleeping alone when you can sleep in the same bed as someone else? It's nicer, like you can cuddle and stuff

Anyway, I think that maybe Kaylor's relationship might have been similar. I think they're both straight but they became really close friends in a short space of time, and that their friendship was so intense that it became physical but in a platonic way

I think lesbians and bisexual women are amazing and I have so much respect for you guys for accepting yourselves in a society that tries to erase you, and I think there definitely needs to be more wlw representation on TV and in movies

But at the same time, I would also like there to be more close female friendships like the one that me and my friend have where you can just talk about everything together and do things that society usually reserves for romantic partners, but in a platonic way. Because female friendship is really important and beautiful, whether that's between straight women like me and my friend who I think is probably straight too, or between queer women because one thing I've learnt during my short time on this blog is how queer women can have very close platonic friendships with other queer women too

I think society just has overly strict ideas of "straight" and "gay". Like for some people, they would hear about two women sleeping together and think "Oh that's gay", but not necessarily because straight women can enjoy sleeping with other women too, like it's normal 🤷‍♀️

I think it's just a result of women being a lot more physically beautiful than men are, like straight women really got the short end of the stick tbh compared to straight men

I also think it's because women are so oversexualized in the media, and obviously straight girls see that too and so we sort of internalize that attraction to women because we're so used to seeing women being presented in a sexual way? Except it's not real attraction with us like how it is for queer girls

Like I'm very much "attracted" to my friend, she's genuinely stunning and just very hot tbh. But I still identify as straight because it's just a case of what I mentioned above, it's a "fake" attraction. And also because men are afraid to compliment other men because it's seen as "gay", but women can be fully confident in their sexuality and still recognize other women's beauty and sex appeal. You see it all the time in instagram comments, and I really love how we're all so supportive of each other like that

Like I can be fully confident in my sexuality and yet still say that some women like my friend are gorgeous as hell and also 100 times better looking than most men I've seen. I'm very much obsessed with some women's appearances but in a platonic way

And I just love the concept of "girl crushes" and I think that from a feminism viewpoint, it's beautiful that we're focusing on other girls and showing love towards other girls too, instead of just to men who, let's be real, don't even fully appreciate it half of the time

I am going to be sad when we all have to return to life as usual and my friend and I won't be able to spend as much time together anymore. I'm dreading it tbh, I don't want it to end yet. And it really sucks that the physical side of our friendship will probably have to stop too once our other roommate comes back because I think she'd definitely misunderstand the situation and think it's something different than it actually is if she ever saw us kissing or something. I really am going to miss it a lot though, I really like how things currently are and it's just really really nice and I don't want it to change :/

Btw I'm sorry if I sounded fetishistic or offensive with any of this, I just get a bit jealous sometimes that you guys get to date girls and we're just stuck with men. Honestly if it wasn't for all of the homophobia and the struggles that you all have to face and the fact that it would feel disrespectful to the LGBT community, I would probably really wish I could change my sexuality to be bisexual or gay instead because I just think women are better. Sometimes I really do wish I was into women in that way because dating girls just sounds so much more appealing to me (in a non fetishizing weird way) but unfortunately I'm stuck with dating men 🤦‍♀️ But I also know I'm lucky and privileged to be straight even though most men are mediocre and kinda gross and I don't mean to be disrespectful because I know you all have to face homophobia and other LGBT difficulties and it really sucks, people are awful. There's nothing wrong with women dating women or men dating men at all, society is just ugly and bigoted

Anyway, does anybody else have a similar sort of take on Kaylor where they think they could have both been straight and just had a very close friendship with a physical side to it? I think it would explain a lot. But like I said, this is just a theory of mine based on my own situation, and I'm also open to the idea that it was an actual relationship and that they're both into women for real, not just fake "into women" like I am.

Also pls feel free to call me out if I accidentally said anything offensive towards LGBT people, I tried my best but if I made a mistake anywhere pls let me know and I'll avoid it next time!

You’re not offensive. Please stop apologizing. And we’re gonna come back to the Kaylor stuff another time because... Honey. You and I need to have a conversation for a bit.

So firstly, I’m not trying to like “diagnose” you and at the end of the day it’s your choice what you want to call yourself but... tbh you might not be straight. Sexuality is fluid not static and exists on a spectrum not in absolutes. It’s not like it’s straight, 50/50 bi, gay and you’re born knowing and there’s no room for anything else. That’s not true. There’s a lot of room in between all of these and labels can change over time. We’re people, not cereal brands, and sometimes we don’t even KNOW the word for what we might be. I’m tagging a tag for you from when we asked people to share their label journeys for you to see. It’s not simple or easy and it’s not just because of external stuff - it’s because figuring this out internally is HARD. If you found yourself having such an intense friendship it became physical, repeatedly, you liked it a lot, you still sleep in the same bed and continue to share all your thoughts and you don’t want any of that to end... I’m not sure you’re Kinsey 0. And I think you might lowkey have a girlfriend dude.

You can obviously prefer men but like... hun I reaaallly don’t think you’re completely straight.

Also: it’s okay to say “I see myself winding up with a man and this is a situationship for right now!” but that doesn’t make you straight because again, sexuality is a spectrum and you can manifest a particular kind of endgame while experiencing other things along the way.

But here’s where you really got me: “most men are mediocre and kinda gross” and “women being a lot more physically beautiful than men are, like straight women really got the short end of the stick tbh compared to straight men” because that’s the kind of thing I used to say in my Bi 1.0 era before I ID’d as a lesbian for a bit and before Harry Styles (KING 🥺) made me bi for real. Hun, no. Straight women like men. Tbh BI women like men. I genuinely, unironically, find Harry and Timmy and Matt Smith to be sexy beasts and I would do dirty things to the former two but maybe not the latter irl in 2021 but yes also him if I could be on that Spain trip with him and Karen where they got sloshed and which I think of often. These men are genuinely fucking beautiful to me in the same way Taylor is and Di Silvers is (okay she’s prettier than all of them but like same ~vibe) and like Megan Thee Stallion is and Indira Varma in everything but especially GOT and Gillian Anderson and Keira Knightley. Like those women are HOT to me and SO. ARE. THE. MEN.

Straight women find SO MANY DUDES hot. So many. Starting from objectively pretty options I just cannot personally understand like Chris Evans all the way through to bitches who are outchea simping for wrestlers and Cole Sprouse. Do I understand? No. But like... that’s straight girl culture and ours is not to judge.

If you’re struggling to find men hot then... you might be gay.

Also, I’m not sure what you mean by “fake attraction”. Like queer women - especially femme women which I assume you very much are - experience the same kinds of feelings straight girls do. We have women we want to be like and look like and find enviable (me and Oenone Forbat) and women we find aesthetically gorgeous (me and Anya Taylor Joy) and we have extremely close female friends who we can spend hours on end spilling our guts to - as you say female friendships are truly special - and without going into personal people that you don’t know, that’s me and Cam and Sim right? I literally talk to them for hours. Like those are not gay feelings. And yes we can chat about those kinds of feelings with straight girls and call them “girl crushes” and not immediately get “caught out” because they experience this exact shit too.

But here’s the thing. They never do and I don’t want in the cases above to fuck these women. It’s not sexual.

The moment I can actually imagine fucking the women in question that’s... gay.

Like it’s not “fake attraction” it’s literally just gay. That’s how we desire women. We want to fuck them. Not all women. Not always. But sometimes we want to get under or on top of one and just really truly fucking make each other moan with pleasure.

I have no idea if Karlie or Taylor are into women. They could both literally be straight. I have no idea.

But I have a better idea about you.

Hun, you’re fucking your roommate/best friend and don’t want to stop.

You’re not “into women”.

You’re into this woman.

And possibly into women more generally.

So I know it’s weird to have to be the one to tell you this, and if you want to keep chatting via anon or in my DMs or if you want me to try collate resources for you from around the web but...

Like.

Dude.

You’re a whole ass part of the rainbow.

Welcome to the community you thought you weren’t a part of earlier today 🌈 ❤️

It’s nice here, sure there’s homophobia, but at least we get to fuck girls and man is it good.

#agony aunat #share your label journey #roommate anon <3

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aitarose · 3 years

Text

HEAVEN (K.SUGAWARA) pairing: sugawara koushi x fem!reader

“these are the radiancies of the perfected vision that sees the good and step by step moves nearer what it sees.”

inferno collaboration masterlist

summary: there was the idea of perfection, total bliss amongst two serene souls in love, soulmates if you will—and then there was desperation, the total need for control and appearance—that of which he so greatly wanted, the idea of a love that would never be real.

word count: 2.0k

genre/warnings: timeskip, established relationship, major angst, borderline yandere!suga, slight nsfw, obsession, possessiveness, dark?, slight mention of corruption kink, mentions of religious themes

notes: fun fun fun crazy suga!! i definitely could’ve gone a nice and pretty route for heaven, but i wanted to make him absolutely mad—so here it is!

Perhaps there was a world in which you were happy—another universe where you’d spend your days on the beach, laughing as he skipped rocks, treading behind him in the water as the ocean became too deep for your feet to touch. The sea would caress your back, waves serenading your skin, shriveling the tips of your fingers, and wrinkling them to raisins.

He’d have his arms wrapped around you, tracing light hearts on your waist, peppering sparse kisses to the nape of your neck—showering you in love and affection, the pure emotions that he promised he’d always feel—the very things that he lived by, vowed to, repeated to himself every morning as you’d wake up beside each other under the silk sheets of your king-sized mattress.

“I love you.” He’d whisper softly, lips ghosting your own, a faint smile gracing his face. The shine of his teeth was blinding, white and radiant in the light of the morning sun—heavenly, if you will. There was no doubt in your mind that he had to have been an angel in another life, one of the heralds in the sky, flying through the clouds—just so happening to touch the same ground you walked.

And it truly was bliss, an Elysium filled with lovestruck gazes, romantic nights in each other’s presence, the same three words spoken across the phone, the metro, the bed. You’d never believed in the concept of a honeymoon stage of a relationship, believing that if it were true and pure love, that stage would never really fade—that it would always be racing, that you’d forever be surfing the wave.

But waves fall, surf settles, and the currents will always inevitably pull back.

It’d been gradual, the change in behavior. A complete one-eighty from a caring and considerate boyfriend, one of which he’d hold your hand through doorways, wrap warm blankets over your shoulders, make love to you late at night and into the early hours of the morning—all within the privacy of your own home.

The way he’d tower over you, arms holding his own weight, caging your body beneath his, and showering you in endless acts of love. The times where he’d grab your jaw, passionately colliding his lips with yours, taking all of you as if his life depended on it. How he’d trail kisses down your skin, stopping just above your navel, hips rutting to meet yours, quiet grunts and moans escaping the both of you—ecstasy consuming the room.

You shared the kind of love that was envied. The kind that most would spend their whole lives searching for, searching to have just a taste of what it felt like to be so completed by another that it felt as if life was truly complete—like you’d completed the handbook written by the angels above, the unspoken laws of attraction and existence.

However, that love had shriveled, it’d been lost within the tsunami that was Koushi Sugawara. Suga—the man whose peers admired him, asked advice from, trusting with their future—had become corrupt. He was nothing of the man he once was, the boy she’d known in high school through university, the boy she’d spent all those years loving.

He was a shadow of who he once was—his large and giving heart, becoming maniacal and obsessive, freakishly striving for perfection in every aspect of the world—believing that they themselves could become the model couple if they just tried hard enough, if they just kept up the facade that was their sheer wave of love.

There he stood, laughs overtaking his entire face, eyes pinched shut as tears ran down his cheeks at whatever it was that Daichi had just said. He clapped a hand over his best friend’s shoulder, pushing him backwards as if to say that he was being ridiculous, shaking his head in amusement and chuckling once more at Daichi’s exasperated expression.

It was a lie to say that Suga wasn’t an amazing actor, rather a liar, on the skin-level. He knew how to manipulate a situation, maneuver a discussion so it was only on the subject of you and him, on how perfect and happy you were together—how fantastic you were in the eighth year of your relationship since high school.

His tricks were masterful, a true ace in all aspects of the art of appearances. There was no surprise as to why your friends hadn’t caught on to anything—to how your cheeks would no longer flush at the feeling of his lips pressed against your skin, how you wouldn’t spontaneously pull him into a hug or wrap your arms around his waist—even how neither of you would say those three special words in public, claiming that everyone had grown tired of hearing them.

A chill ran down your spin, shivers vibrating in your bones as his eyes met yours. Pupils dark and gloomy, ravishing you under the LED lights—despite the vibrant colors in the room, cheerful decor, and happiness for Asahi and his new line of clothing—he looked at you as if you were his prey, a shark beneath the mask of a kind smile.

Holding up a finger to his former teammates, Suga made his way towards you, slinking through the crowd easily, managing to push past every single person without coming in contact. A sly grin graced his face, casual and appropriate for the current situation—just as it always was—perfectly appropriate.

“What’re you staring at, beautiful?” He whispered, slinging an arm around your shoulder, pulling you close to his body whilst craning his head outwards, watching to make sure that there were at least some eyes on you. It was as if you were a caged animal, a dolphin in a tank as the children came to watch the show at the zoo.

Sighing deeply, glancing up at him and leaning upwards to press a soft kiss against his lips, you replied—you replied with the thing you knew he wanted to hear. “I’m staring at you of course.” As his eyes narrowed, nose touching yours, he smirked, a shit-eating look in his pupils. “You’re all I’m ever looking at, Koushi.”

“Damn, right I am.” Suga scoffed, grabbing your jaw and pulling you upwards into a sweeping embrace—his mouth moving fluidly with yours, devouring your surprise, corrupting the innocence he’d already taken from you so many years ago in the physical sense as well as emotional—encouraging you to continue your show. “Smile for the audience sweetheart.” He said against your lips, biting yours, claiming you in front of his friends.

“We wouldn’t want to let down their expectations, now would we?”

Your high school friends were going wild, laughing at the sight of the two of you wrapped in each other’s arms, showing your displays of love just as you always had at Karasuno—the displays of love that were nothing but an act, a charade that you continued for the sake of your reputation—the reputation you had as the young sweethearts who would undoubtedly live up to their yearbook expectations and get married after graduation.

“Enough already, Suga!” Daichi dragged his best friend away from your puckered lips, away from the unwanted desperation that you had for him. It wasn’t your fault that he was practically irresistible, despite the many downsides of his obsessions. He’d been your dream man for all of your life, a man that you wouldn’t give up for the world no matter how toxic the relationship had become—your body longed for him, muscle memory inact with the feeling of his skin on yours.

A sheepish smile grew on your lips, shrugging at the hollers and cat-calls the party had thrown at you, thinking they were laughing along with the wild act—but in reality, it felt as if they were reacting to a comedy show—a show in which you were the star, the only person that was being completely humiliated for pleasure.

The former captain’s chuckles bubbled from his throat, hands holding his stomach as he became breathless, seeing the situation as all the more humorous, not at all suspicious with the perfection of it all. “You guys really are our little love birds, aren’t you?” He nodded at Suga, giving him a little high-five as if to congratulate him for loving you.

The gleam in your boyfriend’s eyes was one of unmistakable happiness, pure joy at the words he was hearing come from Daichi’s mouth. He looked like a man in love, a man who was so overcome with the unconditional feeling of belonging to another that there was nothing else that mattered—nothing that could surpass how his heart beat for you.

How he’d brush your hair in the morning, gently caressing your face, helping you apply blush and bronzer—making sure that you looked beautiful, beautiful enough to impress your shared friends. How he’d spontaneously buy you clothes, dresses, even shoes—ones that he saw in the latest media posts, knowing that they were exactly in style so you’d be envied for your impeccable fashion sense.

Or even how he’d continue to make love to you, all on a planned schedule—a poll made by millions that stated the perfect time to be physical—the perfect time for you to become his again and again.

And perhaps this should’ve made you shy away, grow tense at the feeling of his touch, the feeling of his lips on yours. You could’ve been long gone at this point, far away in the arms of another, someone new who would treat you the way you truly deserved to be treated—a person that would value your love above all else, above the opinion on your love by others.

That was your life, your life in another world—another world where you were able to ride his wave, steer your ship away from his raging sea, and into the calm of the sunset. A world where you were miles and miles away from his predetermined coordinates, compass thrown into the depths of the ocean, buried under the tons of black water.

But this wasn’t that world, and you hadn’t left him—you couldn’t just leave him.

Since there was still a shadow of the man he once was underneath the plastic persona he chose to put on display, the Ken-like reality that he saw through rose-colored glasses. You knew that he was in there somewhere, that if you could just stick around long enough, you could save him from the currents that were drowning him—the currents of obsession and self-doubt.

Which is why it wasn’t your fault when you’d instantaneously fawn at the little looks he’d send your way, or the light kisses pressed to the palms of your hands. When your eyes would roll back as he’d whisper in your ear, telling you how amazing you are, all the things he wanted to do to you as you touched below the belt—hidden beneath the taunting silky white of your bedsheets.

You were victim to the corrupt angel that was Koushi Sugawara, the true demon that’d fallen from heaven—Lucifer, himself, in his most beautiful human form.

There was no crest to this wave, no tunnel that ended in a bright and blinding light, no still beneath the moonlight with sparse waves rippling in its after-light. All there was was the droplets of love that he held for you, a drought in a desert that would never see rain—a horizon that would be barren of life and love for an eternity.

You’d never leave him, never tread the next surf without him behind you on that board. He was your world, while you were his constant—a single variable that he had complete control over, an equation that he could dictate and solve over and over again, never finding the last solution as there was no real solution to perfection.

There was only the idea of it, the idea of being something equal to that of heaven—equal to that of absolute bliss and serenity. You were stuck in a loop that would go on forever and there was no one to blame but your blind love for a man that would never again feel the same. So, in that moment, in every moment onwards—those three little words, three little lies, would be permanent tattoos on your lips.

“I love you.”

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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 3 years

Text

TWDG: The Final Season | Character Discussion | 1/2

Part 1 | Part 2

“Everyone’s counting on me to step up. Be the leader they need me to be... I really want to be that for them.”

So.... let’s talk about Marlon.

I mean, let’s really talk about him. Ever since I started this blog, some common questions I get revolve around Marlon- “How do you feel about Marlon?” “Do you think he deserved a redemption arc?” “Why do you think he was sent to Ericson?” “In your opinion, is Marlon a bad person?” and many others.

Some ask with expectations that I’ll express a distaste or hatred for him, while others ask with a more sympathetic approach. If you know me, if you’ve been here for a while, then you know that I do indeed like Marlon as a character, and today I want to talk about him from my perspective while playing this game.

And with that comes a seemingly unnecessary disclaimer, but one I feel I need to add in order to make it abundantly clear: I will be discussing MY thoughts, experiences, and feelings about Marlon within TFS and give my take on his character. Because we’re not the same person, you may have a different opinion or perspective on his character, you may disagree with something I say, and that’s perfectly okay. You’re entitled to your opinion as I am mine, and I do encourage you to join in on the discussion and express your thoughts about Marlon, but I also want to let you know that you can do that without attacking me or anyone else.

Really, this is pretty much me looking at Marlon’s role and arc within TFS, discussing points of his character that I find interesting, exploring the why’s and how’s of his actions, maybe coming up with a couple theories as to why he was sent to Ericson, and basically giving a lot of personal opinions of him. It’s a discussion meant in good fun, that’s all I’m saying.

Before we dive right in, I do want to thank @pi-creates for providing me with most of the screenshots used in this. I appreciate the help! If you haven’t already, go check out Pi’s blog for some of the best screenshots and model swaps in the TWDG community! Thank you, thank you!

[First and foremost, y’all are sleeping on Ray Chase’s performance as Marlon and it really shows]

“Looks like I was announced as Marlon, the central focus in this first episode of The Walking Dead Season 4 coming in a few weeks. I've been playing this series since the beginning, and it was a real honor to be a part of the canon. I hope you enjoy!“ - Ray Chase’s Twitter account | July 26, 2018

I want to start this off with praising Marlon’s voice actor, Ray Chase, for doing such a perfect job of bringing Marlon’s character to life. Every emotion and infliction feels genuine, and there’s isn’t a single moment where I don’t “see” Marlon, y’know? I mean that in the sense that every line delivered is believable and doesn’t break my immersion with, “Oof, they really used that take?”

I know we throw praise upon Melissa, Tayla, Sterling, and Gideon [and for good reason, they’re all fantastic, too!] but even with them there are a couple of lines that I notice have a lack of flow or sound just a bit off. I’ve played TFS how many times? And not once have I had that issue with Ray Chase as Marlon, so bravo to this man. Credit where credit is due, his performance is damn near flawless.

Especially in the confrontation scene at the end of Done Running. I’ll get into that scene as a whole later, but just looking at the performance and the intense, impactful emotion brought to that scene, just..... *chef kiss*

Thank you, Ray Chase.

[What’s up with your haircut, Marlon?]

“Uh, I look cool... I say, I look cool.”

Lemme talk a little bit about Marlon’s design- I think he looks great.

I love the little details in the Ericson varsity jacket he wears... including the fact that it looks just a tad bit too snug on him. Like, either the boy doesn’t have another jacket or he’s grown so attached to this one that he’s not willing to admit that he’s outgrown it a bit.

I’ve had a lot of people point out that it’s nice to see a teenage character in these games with actual acne since most media pretends that acne just doesn’t exist, and I agree. We all know that if this were more realistic, then everyone would have terrible, greasy, dirty skin but... y’know.

And y’know what? I like the mullet! It’s unique! And I choose to believe it’s a representation of Marlon’s past with bad decisions he’s too stubborn to admit were bad decisions... I mean, he’s had it since he was a kid and hadn’t grown it out or cut it off [to our knowledge, I suppose] sooo... there’s that.

Or maybe he does actually think it looks badass. Either way.

Hell, my biggest complaint about Marlon’s design is that I wish they kept more to this concept art attire:

Because Marlon looks super good in this concept art. I love the headband with the mullet and his clothes actually look more comfortable... but like, it’s fine. He still looks great in the game, his little jacket’s cool, bringing back the mullet...its fine. I’m just sayin’. He looks great.

[Marlon’s introduction in TFS]

“It's our little kingdom. I just do what I can to keep the peace. Wasn't always like this, though. There used to be a lot of us, but...you know how it goes.”

Let’s talk about how Marlon’s introduced.

We get our first look at him after Clementine and AJ crash their car during the walker attack. A bunch of arrows come flying, hitting walkers attempting to get ahold of them, and as Clementine glances over she sees a figure pulling AJ out of the car. And even though you can tell it’s Marlon, this closer shot from Pi-

-100% confirms that it’s him. Not that you had any doubt, but still.

What’s interesting, though, is that while snooping around for some insight about Marlon from the writers/devs, wandering around reddit, replaying the game myself, and even glancing over the all-knowing wiki that’s never wrong ever, it seems agreed upon that Marlon wasn’t alone, despite no one else being specifically mentioned to have helped Clementine and AJ.

Which makes sense that that’d be the case, but I did come across a handful of people who are pretty adamant that he was alone, which is an interesting take, though I disagree.

I’m pretty sure most people do, too. I mean, Marlon says, “It's good we found you when we did. It wasn't easy getting you two out of that wreck, and walkers were on the way.” So I don’t even think that was the writers’ intention of it being solely Marlon who saved them.

What’s funny is I came across a post Instagram [I know, the most legitimate source for info and thoughtful opinions] that was surprisingly trying to redeem/defend Marlon rather than chastise him by claiming he’s a hero who saved Clementine and AJ by himself.

The thing is, they’re both unconscious after the wreck, so unless Marlon has super-human speed to grab AJ, zip around the car to grab Clementine, and then uses super-human strength to carry both of them AND their belongings all while killing any threatening walkers coming after them with his bow... I’m gonna have to press [X] Doubt.

Besides, I like the idea of it being vague. I like to think that was the intention. “Who was Marlon with? A hunting party! You fill in the blanks!” That sort of deal.

With everything that we know about Marlon and the safe-zone, it does lead to questions about why he and whoever felt they had to go outside it to see what was happening. Marlon points out in his conversation with Clementine that they “had to work fast. I don't know what would've happened if we hadn't seen the smoke...” And later Violet mentions an explosion, so I think it’s safe to say that they heard the explosion and followed the smoke to the location.

If you don’t know about the raiders and the twins [like it’s your first time playing] then you probably assume that Marlon and his group were being kind in rescuing them, which I don’t doubt but it does make you wonder about things from Marlon’s perspective, y’know?

This is one of those “shhh, don’t think, just go with it” moments. If I had to give a reason, I’d say that the group he was with didn’t think twice about checking it out and even if Marlon did protest, he didn’t have much choice but to follow. Then, seeing that it’s Clementine and AJ, I believe he genuinely wanted to save them.

“All alone with the kid? Not a pleasant thought. I've seen some rough scenes. But that one would've been up there.”

We get our second and more official introduction to Marlon after Clementine escapes her dorm and confronts Tenn... and it’s pretty fucking good. I mean, everything from him being hidden in the shadows with his bow drawn, to the clear concern yet sternness in his voice as he assures Clementine they’re not going to hurt her and to put the knife down, to his sympathetic apology for scaring her is just an A+.

One thing this season does exceptionally well is introducing its characters. Marlon has such a confident yet chill way about him when you first meet that it’s actually disheartening to think that in two hours he’s gonna be pulling a gun and MURDER....

Sigh.

Let’s not jump that far ahead yet. I’m not ready.

What I find appealing about this next part is Clementine’s reaction to seeing the inside of Ericson for the first time and how taken aback she seems by it. I also love how easy and comfortable it is to talk with Marlon as they’re walking through the yard even though we just met him.

I enjoy that you can tell he’s trying to get a better idea of who she is without pressuring or overwhelming her and doing his best not to offend. And even when Clementine questions if he doesn’t think she can handle herself, he’s decent about apologizing and explaining that’s not what he meant. But he’s also not afraid to be upfront about AJ’s behavior since they brought him here, either.

He does come off as annoyed when talking about AJ being a handful. We don’t know how long Clementine’s been passed out or how long they had to deal with AJ after he woke up, so who knows how much of a little terror AJ was before they either dumped him with Louis or Louis decided to take him to the music room to chill... where he then bit Ruby.

Anyway, the first impression I got of Marlon is that he’s genuinely friendly, trying to help Clementine and AJ even if AJ’s been a nuisance, and he’s confident in the system he has in place for them. He is rather forward and proud about being the school’s leader when first telling Clementine.

Having played through the whole season several times and knowing how Done Running ends, it’s interesting to look at Clementine’s first conversation with Marlon with that all knowing perspective- knowing what he did to the twins, knowing that Brody’s involved and that Marlon’s going to eventually kill her, going to try and frame Clementine for the murder, knowing that he was planning on giving Clementine and AJ away...

I can definitely look at this conversation with a more skeptical lens and say he’s more so trying to sell the idea that he has everything under control in this kingdom for kids and he’s a proper leader with a system in place despite being so young with no adults around. But hey, that’s the natural progression- Ericson is a perfectly chill safe haven and the Ericson crew get along swell... except no, the cracks slowly begin to surface as the episode goes on until all hell breaks loose with Marlon at the center.

[Rosie is best girl]

“You said dogs brought back bad memories. I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were so scared of them. But I swear, Rosie's not as frightening as she seems...See? She's harmless. She just needs to get to know you, is all. Here. I'll show you. Do you trust me? “

I’ll be completely honest- the thing that initially sold me on trusting Marlon the first time I ever played this episode was his relationship with Rosie.

If you know me, then you know that I love dogs. I have a pup named Piglet that I adore, I’ve grown up with dogs my whole life, and I have a huge appreciation and soft spot for animals. I’m one of those people that can’t stand others who are mean or cruel to harmless animals. It’s different if you’re hunting for food or if an animal attacks you and you’re defending yourself... but I’ve known people who have gone out of their way to hurt animals. I’m out in a country area with a lot of dangerous roads for wandering animals, and the amount of people I’ve driven with who’ll swerve to hit a squirrel, a cat, a dog because they enjoy it is too many. After those incidents, I cut those people out of my life. If you don’t have that love and appreciation in your heart, then I want nothing to do with you.

So when I saw that Rosie, while the school’s dog, is more portrayed to be Marlon’s dog above everyone else, I remember thinking to myself, “Okay, I trust him. He clearly loves this dog, wouldn’t mistreat her, and that’s a step in the right direction.”

While I wasn’t skeptical of him and his intentions before, it really was that natural relationship he held with Rosie that kind of sealed the deal for me- “I like Marlon! He’s probably going to die because he’s the leader and they never last but when it does happen, I’m gonna be super upset about it.”

And well, to be fair... I was super upset when he died, just more so than I originally planned because there was also that element of betrayal mixed into the pain, y’know?

Speaking of trust and Rosie- My second favorite Marlon scene is the office scene. But let’s talk about the Rosie bit specifically. After Tenn leaves and Rosie comes in, she scares Clementine and brings back those traumatic memories of when Sam attacked her.

Marlon comes in and cools the situation, and I love the way he talks to Clementine in this moment.

I love that he doesn’t immediately turn to Clementine like, “What’d you do?” but recognizes that she’s afraid of Rosie due to her previous experience, one that he remembers her mentioning. He also knows how well trained Rosie is to recognize scents and people, which explains why she’s behaving that way- she doesn’t know Clementine.

I feel like I’m using this word a lot, but Marlon’s approach to helping Clementine with her fear of dogs feels so genuine. He holds his hand out and waits for her to accept, and if she does, he walks Clementine through what to do, beginning Clementine’s bond with Rosie.

“Get down on her level. Let her get your scent. It's okay. She's not gonna hurt you.”

It’s incredibly sweet and humanizing to see Marlon like this.

The best part about this scene, though, is that you can reject Marlon’s offer and he won’t be upset.

“No problem. I'm not gonna pressure you.”

And he doesn’t. He doesn’t get annoyed, he doesn’t press, no questions asked, and he doesn’t say anything to make Clementine feel bad for her decision. He respects that she isn’t ready to get close with Rosie.

The reason I love this is because how many times have we made decisions in this game, big and small, and had the other characters get annoyed or try to guilt us? “Oh, you don’t want to bond with the dog? Rosie’s the best, everyone loves dogs! What’s wrong with you?” None of that here. That’s something I appreciate about Marlon in this moment.

It shows that when he wants to, he can listen and understand those around him... something he clearly struggles with when it comes to certain members of Ericson.

I’ll swing back around and talk about that entire scene in a bit, but one last thing about Rosie... can I just say how heart breaking it is to hear her whine at Marlon’s funeral? Solidifying that she was definitely Marlon’s dog more than anyone else’s? And the way Rosie lays on his grave several times in episode 2?

Oof.

[Ericson’s perception of Marlon prior to the final confrontation and after]

“...when the world went to shit, he bailed. All the other adults did. Left us behind to fend for ourselves... Now it's just us kids left.”

I want to touch on how the Ericson crew seem to view Marlon as a leader before and after the final confrontation.

When looking at and discussing a character, it’s important to not just focus solely on them. You can gather a lot about a character based on how others respond and perceive them.

Not everyone expresses something towards Marlon within Done Running. Y’know, like Omar or Ruby, for example. Though we do get a bit more from them after Marlon’s death, their perception of him is different now that they’ve learned what he’s done and witnessed his murder.

So we don’t know how Ruby, Omar, Willy or Mitch viewed his leadership prior to those events, y’know? It’s safe to assume that they’re fine following him as a leader since they’re background characters at this point and make no objections to his leadership at any time before the confrontation. But, after learning the truth, they turned against him.

Then things get complicated when Marlon’s murder traumatizes them.

What a mess.

But for this section, there are two characters I want to get into specifics about. They’re worth talking about because they further Marlon’s character, but they’re not the most important, y’know? Characters like Louis, Tenn, and Brody will get their own sections.

The one I find most interesting among side characters is Aasim. Right off the bat, you get a feel for what his relationship is like with Marlon:

Marlon: “How'd it go out there?”

Aasim: “How do you think it went?”

Brody: “Be nice, Aasim.”

Aasim: “The safe zone's nearly dry. I could barely find enough for tonight. We're gonna have to scout out further if we want food for the winter.”

Marlon: “We'll talk about it later.”

Aasim: “Bullshit, we should talk about this right now-”

Marlon: “I said later, damn it!”

So... they’re not exactly besties. The game makes a clear point that Aasim is more vocal in his disagreements and concerns towards Marlon than the others. They even reiterate it when you talk with him later:

“He keeps pulling back the safe zone. We have fewer and fewer places to hunt. Which means we're gonna have fewer and fewer things to eat.”

No one else opposes Marlon like he does, not counting Brody in the basement since that’s a whole other thing and Brody will get an entire segment to herself later.

It’s pretty clear that this isn’t the first time they’ve had this conversation, but because Marlon’s in a place of power, Aasim doesn’t have much choice but to go along with it. Because no one else is speaking up, he doesn’t have anyone to back him up, and you can tell he goes with it reluctantly. He also voices annoyances when it comes to how Marlon treats Louis if you go hunting.

Knowing this, you can infer that Marlon doesn’t want to hear what Aasim has to say, and he doesn’t appreciate someone questioning his leadership. When Aasim steps in Marlon’s path and says, “Bullshit, we should talk about this right now-” what does Marlon do?

He shoves his shoulder into Aasim’s as he pushes past, and in a louder, commanding tone, replies, “I said later, damn it!” which leads to Aasim glaring after him... but he doesn’t pursue. Marlon has a hard time with someone like Aasim and his response is to shut him down rather than stop, listen to his concerns, and address them.

That’s something Marlon struggles with as a leader- control and listening. Control over his temper and anger, listening and addressing the concerns of the people he swears to protect.

The reason I bring this up is because Aasim is our first indication that the image Marlon was giving off previously isn’t as spotless as he wants us to believe. Aasim plants a seed of doubt, y’know? He gives an argument that the player can get behind.

“Yeah, why not extend the safe zone? If food is really as bad as you say it is, then what other choice is there? Just be extra cautious so no one gets hurt,” which can then lead to thinking, “Why is Marlon so insistent about the safe zone? Is he hiding something?”

Once that seed is there, it grows.

Now as for how Aasim’s view of Marlon changes during and after the confrontation, you can see that he’s one of the few that wants to hear Clementine’s side to things, and he steps forward after Louis/Violet intervenes.

Then after Marlon dies, Aasim is... well, he’s rather neutral? And I say that meaning he’s more in a middle ground between Louis and Violet, who are on extreme opposite ends. Aasim isn’t okay with Marlon’s death, nor is he okay with AJ killing him, but he can see that kicking Clementine and AJ out isn’t the best solution. Hence why he voted for them to stay.

You can see he’s still angry at Marlon for what he did during the funeral scene, but the game doesn’t care to show more beyond that. Which, in my opinion, was a missed opportunity on their part.

And because I’m me, I also want to add that this perfectly sets up the idea of Aasim taking over once Marlon died and the writers shot themselves in the foot for wasting him like that. Good job.

Now let’s talk about Violet. People love when I do that.

Marlon and Violet don’t interact too much prior to the confrontation. The most we see them together is during the card game, and they’re chill. Violet makes fun of his hair, he says he looks cool, they’re decent to each other, it’s all good. They’re on friendly terms.

Which I do find it interesting that she seems like she’s chill with Marlon, but she has such a hard time with Brody. Granted, that’s because she was supposed to go with them but asked Brody to cover her, and then when the twins died, she felt guilty. But you’d think that she’d also have some issues with Marlon, given that he was also there and, like Brody, unable to save them.

You could argue that because Violet and Brody were friends before it had a stronger effect, whereas she and Marlon weren’t ever that close, so it didn’t strike as bad, y’know?

Though this does kind of get explained later if you choose to stick with Violet through ep4. Well, sort of? A little? She tells you:

Violet: “...I remember how Marlon described it, what we were gonna turn Ericson into. It's not the way any of us pictured it.”

Clementine: “How did you picture it?”

Violet: “I guess I couldn't. I just listened to what Marlon said. How it would be a home, a real one. But I couldn't really wrap my head around it.”

And when she talks about people who cared about her that she pushed away, she does list Marlon as one of those people, which is super interesting given all the loathing she’s done towards him after the truth came out.

It could be that in the past, she saw Marlon as the leader and why would he lie? He’s the one who stepped up, promised that they’d made Ericson into something special, into a brand new home... what reason does she have to distrust him?

So when she finds out the truth... well, that betrayal completely shatters everything she has for Marlon, going as far as for her to believe that AJ was justified in what he did and shit talking Marlon in front of his mourning best friend.

So her reaction to Marlon after this makes sense, but what does this tell us about Marlon himself?

Again, depending on how you view him, you can look at this idea of Marlon being kind to Violet and them being on friendly terms after what happened to the twins a few different ways- Marlon was manipulating Violet solely for his sake, or Marlon felt guilty that something he did hurt her this bad and tried to make Violet feel better, or both.

I think it was both. After the twins died, we all know the amount of guilt Marlon carried with him, so having to be confronted with the fallout of that in the form of someone like Violet... he had to be careful. I don’t doubt that he cared about Violet or that he tried to reach out to her, but he also had to protect himself for the sake of maintaining his leadership and control of Ericson. So, of course, he had to lie to her which manipulated her feelings about him and the situation.

I believe Violet recognized it, too. When she says they should’ve asked more questions about what happened, I think that’s her being more pissed with herself for trusting Marlon and not questioning him further, for taking his word for it.

I’ve come across theories suggesting that Marlon actually manipulated Violet into placing blame onto Brody rather than him, which is why she is on friendly terms with him but not so much Brody. And that’s a valid interpretation. There isn’t any solid evidence of this within the game to suggest either way, but I can definitely see how someone would come to that conclusion. Especially after the confrontation.

Now let’s touch on Violet if you appeal to her, because Marlon does something that makes me go “Hmmmm...”

Clementine, when she appeals to Violet, say, “Violet you have to believe me.”

To which, Marlon immediately steps in and says, “You don't. You met her, like, two days ago!”

He doesn’t even give her a chance to speak.

With Louis, he’s so overly confident that he has him completely wrapped around his finger that he doesn’t feel the need to say anything. He feels he has control over Louis. But with Violet, he feels his control might not be as strong, so he needs to remind her that she just met Clementine, whereas she’s known him for years- something he uses against the whole group.

And when Clementine tries to talk to her, Marlon takes a low blow and it’s super shitty.

“Don't let her get in your head. Hey, what would Minnie want you to do? She was my friend, too. So was Brody.”

He’s desperate to crawl out of the grave this situation has put him in that he’s willing to go this low, doing everything he can to make sure Violet doubts Clementine... and y’know, whose to say this is the first time Marlon is using Minnie to manipulate her? And when it doesn’t work, he gets frustrated like “Violet being difficult. Why am I not surprised?” which could suggest that it hasn’t always worked.

It goes back to what I was saying- Marlon tried to get close to Violet and she never let him. She was difficult to be around after the twins died due to her grief and Marlon struggled with that.

When he finally comes clean, this is where the real shift happens with him and Violet. You can see the hatred burning on her face every time the camera pans over to her now that she’s felt betrayed by him and his actions.

Right before Marlon dies, if you choose to say nothing, Violet will step forward and start saying that he doesn’t get to stay, but gets cut off when AJ shoots him.

All in all, Violet is a big case against Marlon and a showcase of how far his manipulation as gone within Ericson.

[Marlon’s office and foreshadowing of motivations]

“Whenever someone goes outside the safe zone, bad shit happens. People die or disappear. I just... I could really use the help, Clementine. Taking care of these kids, it's not easy. I'm worried that if I don't figure something out, if...if I don't fix our food situation... I can't lose anyone else. We've already lost so much. Friends, siblings... I can't let another kid die. It could break us.”

Swinging back around, let’s talk about the rest of the scene in the office.

First off- it’s implied that Marlon uses the office as a bedroom given the mattress on the floor and some of his personal belongs laying about. Like the photo he keeps of him and Louis.

The bed isn’t for Rosie, we assume, since we later see her sleeping outside while chained up. This might be just because they wanted Rosie present for the confrontation scene but didn’t want her loose, so they put her outside when you’d think that she’d sleep inside with everyone else.

Or, maybe she just prefers to be outside when the weather’s nice, or they keep her as a guard in case something were to happen, that way she can alarm them.

Anyway, why does Marlon potentially sleep in his office rather than in a dorm? Or does he have a dorm that he’ll sleep in, but keeps the mattress there just in case?

Well, a show of authority, for one. Even if he does keep a dorm room, it’s likely that he made the office his own as a way to be like “The headmaster is gone, this is my office now. I’m in charge.”

Which makes sense.

And when you think about what Louis tells us about Marlon having all these sleepless nights and tough calls, it’s not hard to imagine him spending late nights in his chair going over different plans and stressing over the food situation/safe zone, as well as letting the guilt of the twins weigh on him to the point were he’s too exhausted to even leave.

Moving on to the actual conversation between him and Clementine. He does show a vulnerable side to her, which I like. He can feel the pressure he’s under and sense the loss he’s suffered. But...like before, looking at this knowing what I know, it’s not hard to see certain things in a different light opposed to what you’d see as a new player.

What’s interesting, though, is while I do enjoy this conversation and the bits of insight it gives to Marlon’s character, there is this subtle, slightly off undertone of the whole scene after the Rosie bit.

At this point, we’ve talked with Aasim and he’s planted the seed of doubt.

We’ve heard the story about the twins. Violet came and talked to us about it, we could visit their graves and learn that they died at this time last year. Anyone who has played any game or heard any story can pick up on that the twins are important. They’re not going to use these girls as some throw away lines. They’re going to come back one way or another.

We’re literally living in their dorm. The dorm that Marlon put us in. They’re heavily connected to Tenn and Violet, two important characters I previously discussed. Then, Violet comes barging into our room and talks about them some more.

It makes the gears turn, y’know?

And with Marlon being very insistent that they stay in the safe zone, it’s not hard to question the story about the twins. I went through and skimmed a couple play throughs on youtube to this scene and a lot of them were theorizing that the twins weren’t actually dead or something wasn’t right, some cracks are starting to show. Why else bring it up? Marlon being the one to push the dangers of the safe zone and everything with Aasim... it’s not hard to pick up that he might be hiding something.

The thing I find fascinating about people’s perception of Marlon is how they interpret his motivations when it comes to Clementine and AJ, and that can be tracked back to this scene.

We all know that he’s planning on giving them to the raiders if they come back. It’s a hard fact. Brody warned us before she died, and dialogue during the basement scene backs it up.

But the question I’m curious about is... when did this motivation begin?

When did Marlon decide that he would give Clementine and AJ to the raiders if they ever came back?

Because the text doesn’t tell us anything until Brody’s death, I feel like we all have a different moment where we believe that became Marlon’s secret motive, y’know?

In all my digging, I’ve read posts about this idea, people giving their thoughts on when they think Marlon secretly turned on us, or if he was ever really on our side.

One has people theorizing that Marlon saved Clementine and AJ with the intention of giving them away from the beginning.

So he saw taking these two in and earning their trust as an opportunity to save everyone else at the school [the people he cares about] rather than have to sacrifice anyone else like they did with the twins. Clementine and AJ were just a means to an end if the raiders came back.

Which is a rather sinister way to look at it and puts quite a negative spin on Marlon’s actions towards them - like how he’s willing to let them stay at the school not out of kindness but out of bad intentions, and every kind thing he ever did was to win over their trust so he could lure them out into the woods and do a trade if necessary.

The line “Take this. I don't want you gettin' lost.” gets pointed at a lot due to how Marlon says it, the infliction of it, and it’s theorized that the hidden meaning behind it is “Take this, if you get lost then I can’t make the trade.”

Same thing with “Just remember to stay in the safe zone. We need you to come back home in one piece.”

Which isn’t a wrong interpretation of this. You can totally look at this conversation between Marlon and Clementine as Marlon subtly foreshadowing his turn, or betrayal, at the end of the episode.

“...It's how we've kept ourselves from unwanted attention for so long. Well... For the most part, anyway.”

“I can't lose anyone else. We've already lost so much. Friends, siblings... I can't let another kid die. It could break us. Sorry. I'm just... There's a lot of pressure.”

“What, did you think I was gonna throw you out?“

Then there are the middle ground people who believe Marlon didn’t save Clementine and AJ with that intention in mind, but it started to appear as an option to him either a bit before or during the office scene. Y’know, it came as a passing thought that ended up lingering until he acknowledged it as a solution to a potential problem.

Again, pointing at the dialogue from before- him suggesting that he’ll do whatever it takes to keep his community alive... just like he did before.

And while he gets along with Clementine and AJ [or as some would suggest, he appears to be friendly], they’re not his family. He isn’t close to them the same way he is the rest of the school. and if he has to give anyone away, it’s going to be them, whether he wants to or not.

Marlon didn’t want to give Sophie and Minerva away, and he’s carried that with him up until this point. We see it manifest to a breaking point that lead to Brody’s death and, eventually, his own.

Finally, there are the people who believe that the idea of giving Clementine and AJ away didn’t occur to him until after the incident with Abel. After Brody panicked and told him about getting robbed, then Clementine claiming they met a man with different colored eyes who wanted food, and the realization that the raiders could be back.

This is where I personally stand when it comes to this idea. I believe that Marlon didn’t decide on this until he heard about Abel, and solidified it during the fight with Brody down in the basement.

But what about the dialogue in this scene that potentially has double meanings? Well, I believe that’s the writers suggesting Marlon’s turn and motivations rather than Marlon himself, if that makes sense. Like I said before, you could take nearly everything Marlon says as some sort of foreshadowing or suggestion of what happened to the twins, what his true intentions are with Clementine and AJ, and what will happen to him at the end of the episode.

That’s the thing- Marlon doesn’t ever go on a mustache-twirling monologue about how he knew he could use Clementine and AJ as trade if the raiders came back and that’s the real reason why he saved them, nor do we see him come up with the idea on the spot.

Hell, Marlon never admits to the player that he was going to do that. The most he says is, “Shut your fucking mouth! I made the right call. I saved the lives of everyone in this fucking school! If they came back... I'd do it again!”

Brody is the one who told us everything, and every time Clementine throws it back in his face, he tells her to shut up and threatens her with the gun.

But from what I’ve tried to gather about what Marlon and Brody talk about in the basement before Clementine gets down there...

Marlon: “Why can't you just do what I ask you to do?”

Brody: “Because we caused all this, and now we have to deal with it!”

Marlon: “I am dealing with it!”

Brody: “By tradin' more of us away? That's not fixin' the problem, that's runnin' away from it!”

[I’ll come back to this full conversation later when I go over the basement scene by itself. It gets pretty dark.]

Which.... yeah. So, I’m not trying to say Brody was lying or anything just because Marlon never flat out admitted it to us the player, I’m just saying that we don’t know for sure when he made up his mind about this since the game never gives a clear suggestion for the sake of his dramatic turn from friend to antagonist.

Did he have this idea from the start or did he come up with it during this conversation?

We don’t know, but it’s interesting to look at the different views surrounding this question and how it applies to Marlon’s character. Because yeah, if you truly believe that Marlon had this intention from the start, it makes all of his actions in this episode pretty scummy. And again, that’s not wrong because there isn’t an answer here.

I choose to believe that maybe the idea came as an unwanted thought in the beginning, but manifested into something real when he heard about Abel. He shared his plan with Brody, who didn’t want to go along with it.

And y’know what... let’s finally get into the basement scene and Brody...

Continued in Part 2/2

#twdg marlon #twdg character discussion #twdg clementine #twdg aj #twdg louis #twdg violet #twdg aasim #twdg ruby #twdg mitch #twdg willy #twdg omar #twdg brody #twdg tenn #twdg sophie #twdg minerva #marlon character discussion #twdg #long post

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aspenflower17 · 3 years

Text

Finding You (Part Fourteen of ??)

Hey everyone! I hope you’re all having a good New Year so far! I have a bit of an update after the chapter for y’all.

Edit: Oop! I forgot the link to Part One for any new people! My bad!

Tags (ily all!): @simpingforsatan @naimena @hachimochi @wrathandgreed @magi-minminxiii @rensphilia @a-dream-at-night @chloelikesobeyme @getbehindme-satan @theuglypugling @oofthelazyweeb @mammonismyfirstman (as always, if you’d like to be put on the tags list, juust let me know in a comment down below, or a DM)

Word Count: 1,961

TW: None? I’m pretty sure?

Mc didn’t know what she was expecting from the song Satan’s brothers pressured him to play, but a gorgeous melancholic love song was not it, though she should have guessed it was a love song from the title. She was entranced from the first couple notes, and the lyrics pulled her in further. They spoke of someone experiencing love for the first time, though they were afraid of their Love fading away and leaving them. She smiled at the cat lyrics, finding herself not surprised Satan would write about them. He seemed like a cat lover, though she had no real basis for the belief.

Satan’s singing voice was just as nice as his speaking voice and she found herself impressed. It also held a lot of emotion, enough that she was surprised it didn’t affect his singing. Though she had never heard the song before, it seemed extremely familiar. Though, it was a fairly universal concept, so it probably just seemed she’d heard it before. She hadn’t realized she was crying until Mammon offered her a handkerchief. When he finished, everyone clapped, and he started on another song.

“I never thought I’d hear tha’ song again,” Mammon spoke to Mc in a low voice.

“Why?” she asked.

“Oh… Uhhh… Well, it’s about a lost love of his. Once she… disappeared… He played it one more time and then said he’d never play it again.”

Mc felt her throat constrict a bit at the revelation, “He must be doing better then. When he got his next… lover, he probably started feeling better.”

“He… Uhhh... '' Mammon floundered for words, and Mc found herself eagerly awaiting his next words, “I don’ think he’s dated anyone before or since her. If nothin’ else, she is his firs’ and only love.”

“Did she hurt him?”

“Huh?”

“I just ask because I’ve seen a lot of people, well, humans, who had relationships go sour and closed themselves off emotionally. I was just wondering if that’s what happened to him.”

“Not… Not exactly… She was human and she… died…” Mammon seemed really anxious at this point, and Mc decided not to push the subject further.

A human? Really? Well, that adds another layer to the song. It’s the most permanent level of “leave” there is. He knew going into the relationship it would end. But… If she had been corrupted enough by him, wouldn’t she have gone to the Devildom? Then they could’ve been together… Does that mean she went to the Celestial Realm? Do I know her? Or… Did she get stuck as a wanderer? Either way, why would he play it now? Mammon said he’d sworn off playing it ever again… The questions swirled around in her head as she watched Satan play.

“Ooooo! Ooooo! My turn!”

“Asmo, you can’t play piano,” Satan sighed, already getting up.

“But I can play music off of my DDD now can’t I?” Asmodeus said, waltzing up to what had become a stage.

As Asmo scrolled through what Mc could only assume was his list of songs, Satan came and stood next to her. Mammon even moved over so he could. Mc gave him a small smile and then turned her attention back to Asmodeus, who was gushing about the song he’d found to sing. She was still thinking about all the unanswered questions she had when she felt a breath next to her ear “What did you think?”

Mc almost jumped, but instead found herself glued to her chair, “Of the song? Or your singing?”

“Hmmm… Both.”

“You play and sing wonderfully. The song was beautiful. I could really feel your emotions.”

“Thank you,” Mc felt Satan retreat back to a standing position, and she found she missed his presence.

A huff from the other side of the room caught her attention. Looking over, she caught the tailend of Michael watching Satan with narrowed eyes before turning back to Asmodeus. How strange.

When Asmodeus finished, Lucifer was both begged and forced to play by those in the room. While Mc had to admit he was definitely in a league all his own, she found herself preferring Satan’s playing to Lucifer’s. She cocked her head slightly at the realization.

“Excellent Lucifer! Just exquisite!” Diavolo boomed, giving the Avatar of Pride a standing ovation, “I can’t remember the last time I heard you play!”

“Well, it has been awhile,” Lucifer smiled. His pride seemed to have recovered enough he could properly interact with people again. Mc was happy she was able to avert a crisis, not interested in finding out how a brawl between Michael and Lucifer would go. Though… Would either of them actually get into a physical altercation?...

Mc was so caught up in her thoughts, she didn’t realize the brothers were leaving until they were all asking if she would come to the House of Lamentation at some point.

“... And I would love to paint your nails,” Asmo prattled on, grabbing her hands, “And I know the Devildom’s lack of light can make your skin lose some of its radiance, but I have a moisturizer that can help with that. Oh and-”

“Asmo, come on! Ya want Mc to come visit or not?” Mammon interrupted,

“Mammon, you don’t understand the nuances of keeping yourself looking perfect.”

“Uh, yes. I do. I’m a model. Ya been smellin’ too many of ya fancy products and it’s melted ya brain?”

“I think you’re thinking of yourself, though it was probably when you were trying to con those witches into buying acid, and you drank some.”

“Oi! How do ya know about that?”

“Ugh, there they go again,” a head rested itself on Mc’s shoulder, and she almost jumped until she saw who it was, “Seriously though Mc. You should come over.”

“Yeah. You’re even welcome to bring Luke,” the one brother who she hadn’t talked to added, “Barbatos told me he’s gotten even better at baking.”

“Of course I’ve gotten better at baking! I’m also very good at cooking too,” Luke said, having joined the conversation.

Mc watched at Beelzebub, which is who she figured he must be through the process of elimination, actually started drooling, “Does that mean you’re actually going to come over then?”

Luke smiled fondly, a look Mc wasn’t sure she’d have ever thought he could have for a demon, “If you’d like Beel, I could probably make that happen.”

Beel rushed over to Luke and pulled him into a huge hug. Belphegor removed himself from Mc, walking over to Beelzebub, “Beel, you need to let go of the chihuahua or he’s going to suffocate. Luke can’t make you food if he’s been squished.”

“I’m sorry. I hope these idiots haven’t been bothering you too much.”

“Not at all Lucifer. They were just inviting me over sometime.”

“Well, I suppose it’s time for us to head out,” Lucifer said, starting to gather his brothers.

“You are welcome anytime you want to come over,” Satan’s voice came from behind her.

“I… Thanks. I would really like that.”

“Satan! We’re leaving.”

“I’m coming Lucifer,” Satan called, rolling his eyes, then back to Mc with a smile, “Bye.”

“Bye,” Mc called after him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mc sat in her room hours later, the events of the evening still running through her head. Though she knew Michael wouldn’t approve, she found herself much more at ease and even happier around them than she did around most angels. There was a non-judgmental kindness they all exuded (well, all except Lucifer) that made her feel like she belonged. She found herself excited about the prospect of spending more time with them at the House of Lamentation. She had to laugh a bit, the fact she didn’t fit in with the rest of the angels never more clear than it was now.

Simeon had told her his time in the Devildom had been extremely enjoyable, the less structured lifestyles if the Devildom a welcome change from the Celestial Realm. She had read his work from that time and it was obvious he had felt a lot more creative in the Devildom, even though he had school responsibilities at the time. While she hadn’t doubted his words, she had always figured the change was mostly due to the fact he had been able to communicate with his lost brothers again. Now she understood what he had been talking about.

Simeon generally gets along with the other angels too. What would they all say if they found out I prefer the company of the Fallen to them? Everything is just more natural with them. It’s almost like I already know who they are, as strange as that sounds. Especially Satan, though I’ve felt connected to him since I got his letter. Speaking of which, who was it that he mentioned? Lil… Lilly? Lillah? Lillian? Hmmm… I can’t remember. I do know I’ve never heard that name before. Whoever it was seemed to have a great impact on all of the brothers. It can’t be someone they Fell with. I’ve read all the literature about the Fall and I don’t recognize the name. Though there’s a lot about the Fall the Celestial Realm doesn’t talk about. But... Simeon’s also never mentioned anyone with that name before… Maybe it’s time for me to do some more research.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mc stretched, and checked the time on her DDD. She had been in Diavolo’s personal library for over three hours, and she still hadn’t found any mention of the mysterious “L” person. She found plenty of references to Lucifer though. It seemed he and his brothers had been instrumental in helping Diavolo establish order when the old King had started his slumber. What caused this slumber, why it happened, or if it would end was not covered. Mc wanted to research the topic further, but she couldn’t get distracted until she had answered her initial question.

There was a knock at the door, and Barbatos came in carrying a teacup on a saucer, “I thought you might be in here.”

“Oh, hello Barbatos.”

The butler entered the room, and set the tea down on the table Mc was studying at, “I thought you might like some tea.”

“I would actually, thank you. If you would like to, you can take a seat.”

“I suppose that’d be alright,” Barbatos smiled, and sat down in a chair. His eyes glided across the books strewn around Mc, “You’ve got some heavy reading here.”

“Well, I’m trying to figure something out,” Mc sighed, sipping her tea.

“Perhaps I can be of assistance?”

“Maybe, though I don’t remember what it is I’m looking for exactly,” Barbatos simply cocked his head slightly until she continued, “Satan was telling about… Well, a personal experience, and he mentioned someone. I don’t remember their name, but it was someone very close to all the brothers and they had passed away. I was just trying to figure out who it was.”

“You seem very interested in this person,” Barbatos’ tone wasn’t accusatory, but he seemed to expect and answer.

“... I guess I’m just trying to understand them better. Him better,” The last part slipped from Mc’s mouth easily, surprising even her.

“I think I may know who you’re talking about. If I’m correct, you won’t find any references to her in these books. It’s not my place to explain the situation to you however. You should probably go speak with the brothers about her…” the butler paused for a second before continuing, “I believe Michael also knows a lot about the situation, though he doesn’t know the full story,” with that, he got up and pushed his chair in, “I must continue with my duties, but I appreciate the short reprieve. Good night.”

“Night,” Mc called after him. Huh. Michael knows?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part Fifteen

I wanted to let you all know that as it is January, ever since 2014 the first moth of the year has been terrible for me. So far, we are 3 days into 2021, and I have already gotten a near constant tooth ache meaning I’m going to have to go to the dentist, and have gotten sick. I don’t know what else this month has in store for me, but I just wanted to warn you all, if my updates get sporadic or short, that’s why 😬

#OBEY ME #obey me!#obey me! swd #obey me satan #obey me satan/mc #obey me barbatos #obey me brothers #obey me! shall we date?#obey me mc #obey me long fic #obey me michael #obey me lilith #Finding You #my writing #aspenflower17

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