#have so many thoughts on this. may not articulate it well but i am RIGHT

[cripplecharacters]

hi! long ask up next.

I'm not sure if this is the right blog for this question, i'm really sorry if it's not. I'm part of a theatre class/group that is putting on Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream. The teacher has a very specific vision in mind that i generally vibe with. However, she's asking me to play a character in a way that might be offensive. I play two characters, one of them is Snug. There's a play within the play that an incompetent artisan theatre troupe is putting on, which snug is a part of. In our version, snug is meant to have a speech impediment (the teacher hasnt given me more specific directions on how to talk). I did a bit of research and decided that my version of snug has dysarthria (no dysphasia or aphasia) from a degenerative disease that he inherited from his dad. Im trying to play him as having distorsion and omission type articulation errors, in the initial and medial positions respectively, but it's been very hard for me to consistently play him like that becuase i dont have his disability. The only correction the teacher has given me so far is to speak slower so my dialogue is more comprehensible.

Now, i shouldn't have, but i did watch some scenes on youtube with snug in them. And none of the versions i saw give him a speech sound disorder, from what i could tell. What most versions do have in common though, is that the artisans who are putting on the play are, for lack of a better term, meant to be "dumb". Snug specifically has a line which i didn't realize was supposed to be a dig at his own intelligence until i saw a clip. The line is:

Have you the lion's part written? pray you, if it be, give it me, for I am slow of study.

In the video i saw, the actor paused briefly after saying "slow", for emphasis:

for I am slow... of study.

I'm autistic and i know what it's like for people to assume i'm "slow" because of how i talk, and i don't want to promote those stereotypical views.

What makes this whole conundrum more complicated for me is that our version is going to be (sort of?) a musical. And my teacher is adamant on me rapping an eminem song. I thought this would be fun but thinking about it more carefully i worry that the joke might be that snug is faking his disability for some reason, and that he can actually speak "normally".

sorry if some of this isnt clear, english is not my first language.

Anon S

Hello! I wanted to address this ask as a former actor and current student studying speech language pathology as well as someone with an articulation disorder.

You can give a backstory in your head as detailed as you want - and as an actor this is a good thing, and something you should do with every role no matter how complicated or simple - but the unfortunate truth is most audience members are not going to interpret it exactly the same way without the same context. You may be thinking of portraying a mixed dysarthria (and there are many types of dysarthria, from spastic to flaccid to ataxic, to mixed that will all have difference in sound quality, articulation, and rate) but unless it's written somewhere the audience, who is just noticing a slow rate and articulation errors, and who may not even be aware of what dysarthria is, may think your character has some dialect or strange difference they don't recognize.

From my knowledge of the play, the Rude Mechanicals are meant to be laughed at and this falls into the idea that people with certain speech patterns or disorders are funny or silly or even, yes, stupider than others. However, there's not much you can do about this if your director is insistent other than refuse to treat your character as a joke. I would feel better about a character with consistent errors and whose disability was thought through than one who wasn't, even with a character like a Rude Mechanical.

As for a disability disappearing during a rap, for something like stuttering that would make sense but not for an articulation disorder and certainly not for dysarthria, which causes a slower rate normally and can cause articulation issues due to coordination of the parts used to speak (not only the mouth but also the soft and hard palates and the lungs, for example). I would talk to your director about what the point of the rap is - is it to be funny? is it to show another side of him? why does this character need a speech disorder? why does this character need to rap, and why does the speech disorder need to be dropped during the rap?

If you can talk with your director and figure out what the vision is for some honestly bizarre choices it may help you figure out if you're on the right track (and if dysarthria is the right choice for a disorder for your character, as well). As always, if anyone has advice or input please feel free to add it!

#theatre #anonymous #mod bert #speech disability representation

[mintytealfox]

Hiii! Just wanted to ask what means you think Alice would use in order to bring Norton back down to earth whenever he's fool's gold?

OOOOOOOOOOHOHOHOHOHOOOO 👀🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌Yesssss this is so fascinating to ponder about AH! This is where my mind ended up going:

I think Alice would be studying Norton closely, especially after realizing that he needs help to get out of that Fool's Gold mode, ready to rescue him when needed 👀

Actions definitely speak louder than words for him (and Alice also honestly) So for anything to work there would have to be plenty of action before the words start being heard. I also think it would have to be a process of multiple things cause of how hard Norton has to battle with himself, it would have to take a few things to get him to finally listen.

My thoughts kept going back to that coin he had. I wonder if he still has it or if its lost forever in that mine he blew up. But if he still has it then Alice could find a way to get it and make sure he can see that she has it. That would bring in that laser focus towards that coin and getting it back. This would ensure that he is following her and Alice can get him away from everything else and somewhere she can corral him and try to get him to get his mind right again.

I feel like fire would get his attention, especially if its that Oil-Wick Cap Lamp of his. Seeing that ignited again might make him pause and stare honestly. Cause the last time it was lit was likely from that explosion, whoops. But before all that it was with him in every scene of that trailer, as his light, so he can study and work and do all the things that he believes will lead him to a better life. But Alice illuminating her own face with that light could then get him to look at her and potentially begin to realize THAT light is illuminating HER. and maybe thinking like 'that is where I want to be, wherever she is going, that is a better future'.

Then whenever the opportunity shows itself, Alice can finally give him some proper physical touch and words about loneliness and how he doesn't need to be lonely anymore (bringing it back to that coin and those tear stains ahhhh) and stuff like that. Which makes him finally fully come to, with him just relaxing into her touch.

Alice finally able to breathe and relax and just lets Norton lay curled up on his side and resting his head on her lap *at her insistence), still in Fool's Gold form cause I think getting out of hunter form could take a bit sometimes.

So I guess to summarize this lol Alice may use things that are important to him then topics that get him to stop and think about what he is doing and the ONLY REASON they work is because its her.

I think if anyone else tried to do this he might get so PISSED OFF LOOOOOLL like who are they to touch his stuff and talk about such things LOOOOL

There is also the possibility that Fool's Gold is having fun, and Alice needs to make it NOT fun and by smacking his past in his face that would get his head back on right pretty well pff

I feel like I have so many other thoughts and DIFFERENT thoughts but I am having trouble articulating them well enough, so this will do for now~

This was COOL! THANK YOU FOR THIS 👀🤌🤌🤌🤌👏👏👏👏👏👏👏💖

#identity v #alice deross #norton campbell #nortalice #idv prospector #idv #idv norton #identity v norton #idv journalist #idv norton campbell #idv fool's gold #idv fools gold #identity v prospector #identity v journalist #journalist idv #ask #aks #minty answers #minty speaks #THANK YOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU #🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 #🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌

[gffa]

Sorry in advance if this is an incoherent ramble, but I have Thoughts about the Jedi and emotional regulation I want to share with you, if it's okay.

So I have ADHD and pretty strong emotional disregulation that I really, really struggle with. In my late teens/early twenties I was convinced that my emotions, all of them, were inherently destructive and harmful to others because of how intense they are.

My favorite Star Wars character is Anakin and I think you can guess why 😅. I don't really like admitting it but I understand him and relate to him sooo much.

Okay here's the relevant part: I love the Jedi Order's teachings about mindfulness and emotional control. So often I do feel ruled by my emotions! I can so easily see how embracing that leads to the dark side, and I know that staying in the light really is a constant battle against one's own darkness because I've done that! Without the psychic/telekinetic powers, obviously, but honestly it's a good thing I can't accidentally fling objects around the room if I get upset. I've often wished the Jedi Order was real and I could be part of it just so I could learn to better control my emotions.

It's why I just don't get the argument that Jedi "repress" their emotions. Where does that even come from? They have such sensible responses to such stressful situations. And unbridled unregulated emotion is NOT a good thing, as I know far too well. The Sith don't practice "emotional freedom" or whatever those people call it. With my disregulation problems I'm not "free," I'm even more shackled by it. I hate it and I want to control it- which is what the Jedi practice.

Anyway, just wanted to share my point of view on that whole debate. I also just want to say thanks for running this blog! I adore your meta posts and I love your unending Jedi positivity. You're definitely my favorite Star Wars blog. You're so good at articulating analyses that I can see for myself in the text but am terrible at putting into words lol. I'm sorry that your popularity attracts so many people who want to argue with you or be nasty. I hope you know how happy you make us fellow Jedi-supporters. 😊

Hi!  This ask was from before today’s discussion on the Force and emotions (here and here), so it’s good timing to come across it in my drafts again! You and I are in a similar boat--I relate to Anakin the most, too.  And I had a lot of years in my life without a solid grasp on my emotions, where my anger was entirely justifiable, but it was absolute misery and cost me a lot of time and relationships with people.  In the moment, it felt good to lash out with that anger, but I was consumed by it, that’s all I was so much of the time, and it really, really was not good to let my emotions run rampant that way.  So, I understand and I’m sorry that you’ve gone through that and I’m glad you seem like you’re in a better place now. While the Jedi may not be real, thankfully a lot of the same ideas totally are, like Buddhism is real, different kinds of therapy techniques are real, we absolutely can learn to regulate our emotions, even if it’s really hard.  You could probably even do a Google search for “how to learn to regulate my emotions” and find some good starting places! I can’t speak for any part of fandom, especially one I’m not part of, but I suspect that a lot of the “Jedi repress emotions” thing comes from a conflict of how mainstream media almost always supports the idea that emotions fuel powers, that if you tap into your anger or any other intense emotion, you’ll get a major power-up and you can save the day with it.  Think of almost any major display of power in a superhero movie and it’s usually because the character just had an explosion of emotion, right?  Because their control on their temper finally snapped or because they suddenly became tunnel-visioned about who they needed to save.  It’s everywhere. Star Wars, in contrast, says:

But we’re primed to think emotional regulation is suppression.  We’re primed to think that it’s not being true to ourselves, that we’re chaining a part of ourselves up.  We’re primed to think that any kind of sacrifice or concession to the greater society is suppression of the self. So, along come the Jedi who say, “Actually, emotional regulation is good.  Sometimes you do have to sacrifice things to make the world better, but the selfness love for other people is worth it.” we’re primed to think they’re suppressing themselves and living half-lived lives. But that’s not true for the worldbuilding in Star Wars.  Individualism is not king in Star Wars.  Selflness and care for others and the willingness to understand that life is impermanent and we have to let go of things are the core themes. And you’re absolutely right--one of Lucas’ themes in Star Wars is, "Most of my movies are about the fact that you're in that little place, it's the little prison in your brain—the door's open but you can't leave. But all you have to do is walk out and say, 'Hey! I'm gonna do this.'” (Sundance Q&A, 2015) and  “All of my movies are about one thing.  Which is the fact that the only prison you’re in is the prison of your mind.  And if you decide to open the door and get out, you can.  There’s nothing stopping you.“ (American Voices, 2015) The dark side is a prison in your mind, one you’re trapping yourself into.  You’re not free, your emotions are ruling you.  They control you because you can’t stop yourself from screaming or lashing out or destroying things in your rage, you can’t stop from saying hurtful things to the people you care about.  That’s not freedom, that’s being dragged along in the wake of your own unchecked feelings.  It’s a dark pit that you have to decide to climb out of. And the Jedi echo that theme:     "You said we would be trapped."     "Not by the cave you were but by your mind. Lessons, you have learned. Find courage, you did.  Hope, patience. Trust, confidence, and selflessness." --Yoda, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, “The Gathering”

#jedi order #meta

[ms-nunuvurbsness]

Ack, sorry. Marimoth 49 (for now.😈)

49. Kiss ... out of necessity

This situation was ludicrous. 

It may seem hilarious from an outside perspective, but she did not feel like laughing. At all.

After a day full of courses, worrying about finding an internship next year and an abnormal amount of mishaps - seriously, she lost count of how many times she had misplaced something or pricked her fingers accidentally while sewing today! - she had been ready to come home and fling herself onto her bed. Dressing and eating could wait. She was far too exhausted to care about anything.

But no.

No, this day just had to turn from bad to worse when, after five years of blessed silence, a new Akuma decided to show up.

At first, she had no idea what was happening. She was walking home when she saw a couple frantically clinging to each other while trying to evade the edges of a strange shimmering barrier surrounding them.

Of course, she had run over to try and help, but before she could do anything, a high-pitched voice screeched: "You will not ruin their first kiss! I will not let you break apart this perfect match!"

Suddenly, she was plucked from the streets and flying towards the starless sky. There had been sounds of distress from other people around her, but she could hardly make out what they were shouting because the Akuma kept complaining about her ruined day right into her ear.

Tell me about it.

That had been her last thought before she had realised she was flying right towards the lit-up Tour Eiffel - without any sign of slowing down. She didn't even have time to react when she got deposited roughly on one of the crossbeams. The Akuma hadn't wasted any time, hitting her with a light beam before leaving for the city again. Temporarily blinded, Marinette had tried to keep her balance, frantically waving her arms to find any purchase. Thankfully, somebody had grabbed her and prevented her from tumbling down.

Once she was somewhat steady on her feet again, she had turned towards her rescuer - and had lost any manner of speech once she saw a silver butterfly mask staring right back at her. Her heart had plummeted at the realisation that the Akuma had brought her to Paris' most notorious villain.

Hawk Moth.

Her mind had started racing.

Why was she here?

Did he know she was Ladybug?

Was he about to demand her Miraculous?

Should she transform? But this would be a bad idea! Because what if he didn't know-

"Are you alright?"

Her thoughts had screeched to a halt. Had she heard right? A question which she had articulated with an intelligent: "What?"

"I asked whether you're alright," he had repeated, enunciating each word with slight impatience.

She had blinked, taken aback. That had been the last thing she had expected of him: inquiring about her well-being. 

Was this some trick?

 "I... I am?" Despite sounding more like she was asking him, he had accepted her answer with a nod.

He had then turned away from her, facing forward towards the shining city with his gloved hands folded atop his cane. His following words had surprised her even more. "Don't worry, mademoiselle. I will handle this situation immediately."

She would've laughed had she not been so apprehensive over his true intentions.

Not worry about Hawk Moth? That would be a first.

But as the minutes passed, it became apparent that he didn't plan on doing anything to her. On the contrary, he seemed to have forgotten about her existence altogether. He was more preoccupied with haggling quietly with the Akuma, the glowing outlines of a butterfly framing his eyes. His low tone became increasingly more threatening the longer it took to convince the Akuma to cooperate.

She had tried to focus on his words but was quickly distracted by the butterfly brooch on his purple suit. His Miraculous was so close in reach that it seemed almost too easy to lunge forward and take it. She would lie if she said she hadn't contemplated doing it. But she knew she hardly stood a chance as her civilian self. And she would not risk revealing herself to him. That was out of the question.

Therefore, all that was left was to stay put while trying to ignore the dizzying height and the dangerous proximity to her sworn enemy.

So this was where she was now: trapped on the Tour Eiffel with Hawk Moth at night.

At first, she had wondered why he hadn't simply taken her to a safer place where they could each go their own way. He obviously didn't need her for anything. So much time had passed, yet the only thing he had done was argue with the Akuma or just silently glare at the city as if it was responsible for his misfortune. For a moment, she had been afraid that he would leave her any moment now, but curiously, he stayed where he was.

The answer to her musings appeared right at the corner of her eye, shimmering golden when the city lights hit it at the right angle. 

A barrier.

It was just like the one she had seen that couple surrounded with.

Distinctly, she remembered being hit by a light beam from the Akuma. Right. So that's what the attack did.

Squinting, she tried to study the barrier but soon grew irritated with her lack of progress. It kept shifting in and out of visibility like a living thing, making it difficult to catch any potentially meaningful details.

She contemplated whether there was a possibility to phase through the semi-invisible wall.

Just as she raised her hand, about to probe it lightly, a stern voice interrupted her advance. 

"Don't touch it."

Her body froze. Slowly, she turned her head in his direction, glancing up at him with apprehension. "Why not?" 

"It will burn you if you do, " he stated plainly.

As if to prove his point, the barrier contracted slightly, inching closer towards the pair. 

Marinette was too slow when trying to snatch her hand out of reach, her fingers accidentally grazing the surface of the magical bubble. Pain shot up her arm, and she bit back a surprised yelp. Staggering, she tried to move away but, in doing so, almost lost her balance all over again.

Hawk Moth reached out reflexively, ready to catch her if she were to slip. She managed to steady herself with effort, her legs still shaking from the adrenaline rush. Only when she finally stood still did she grow aware of his hand hovering over her back, fingers slightly brushing over her thin blouse. A shiver ran down her spine at the butterfly light contact.  

Noticing her reaction, he withdrew, placing his hand back atop the other on his cane. 

From the corner of her eye, she saw the glowing butterfly shape reappear around his eyes again.

He wasted no time showing his displeasure.

"I thought I made my instructions clear. Come back this instant. Stop fooling around with your powers and reverse the damage you have done."

There was a pause in which the Akuma apparently argued her case.

"No, this is not "doing good" or helping. This is causing mischief out of pettiness. It was not part of the deal, " he replied coldly.

Marinette raised an eyebrow.

"Doing good"?

She hardly had the time to think more about that before the barrier moved again, getting tighter around them. Any more, and she would be burned again.

Swallowing, she willed her - once again - shaky legs to move, sliding one baby step after another away from the danger zone. Being unsure of her footing, she made the mistake of glancing down towards her feet. A sense of vertigo rolled over her, making her freeze in terror.

Oh God, oh God, this is too high, oh God, oh no-

"Hold onto my arm. And don't look down."

His gruff voice startled her out of her racing thoughts. Trembling and wide-eyed, she accepted his offer without question. Their eyes met, and despite his mask covering a significant part of his features, she could see frustration written all over his face. But more than that, he looked resigned. Weary.

Uncomfortable, she averted her eyes to the side. Instead, she eyed the distance left between them and the edge of the barrier. It was alarmingly small. Three more contractions, and there would be no escape.

"There must be another way to break out of this, " she muttered.

"I'm already working on that."

"Yes, I can see how well this is going for you."

He turned away once again, resuming his glower towards the city. She thought that was the end of the conversation and was about to get worried over her impulsive reply when he continued: "The other option would be to wait for Ladybug and Chat Noir to show up and solve this." 

Unwittingly, the corners of her mouth twitched. 

He had ground this out with such annoyance she couldn't help the small bubble of amusement flickering through her chest. That was something she was familiar with: his blatant dislike of Paris' heroes.

This small bout of nostalgia didn't last long, however. There was another problem: Chat Noir had told her at their last night patrol that he would be out of commission for a few weeks. He would travel to a different country - not too far away, so she could still reach him. But he had warned her that there would be a significant delay if he were to help her. So the only other hero who could've done something right now was trapped herself. And she couldn't call Chat Noir because then she would have to transform.

Out of the question, out of the question, out of the question. Think, Marinette! There is a way to break out of this without giving up your identity! There must be!

She bit her lip, her fingers unconsciously tightening around his arm.

It didn't help when the barrier shifted closer to them again.

Closing her eyes in concentration, she envisioned the trapped couple from before. What was it that the Akuma had said when she had tried to help them? Why had she prevented her from going near them?

Something about-

"You will not ruin their first kiss! I will not let you break apart this perfect match!"

The words resounded like a distant echo within her mind, making her world tilt at a dangerous angle. She blanched.

First kiss.

Oh no.

Oh no, no, no, don't tell me I- ?!

How absurd! No way! There must be something she was overlooking!

But time was short, and her frantic thoughts always circled back to the same awful conclusion. This limited supply of information was all she had. She didn't have anything else to go on.

A small, high-pitched giggle escaped her, sounding about as breathless as she felt. Give it a minute, and she might start crying on top of that. Of course. Of course, this type of ridiculous thing could only happen to Marinette.

"What is it?"

The cautious tone of his voice filtered through her panic-stricken mind, yet she couldn't bring herself to meet his stare. It wasn't bad enough to be stuck with her enemy. No. Apparently, the Akuma wanted her victims to share a first kiss - only because her own had been interrupted.

A first kiss with Hawk Moth.

It was that, or give up her superhero identity.

Pick your poison, Marinette.

"Mademoiselle?"

There was also something else she realised. Hawk Moth talked to his victims through a telepathic connection. Therefore, he knew their thoughts and feelings. And by giving them their powers, he also knew what they were capable of. Which meant he was familiar with how each and every attack of theirs worked.

"You know, " she breathed.

"Beg your pardon?"

Finally, she looked up at him. "You know how to get out of this."

Outwardly, he showed no sign. His expression remained infuriatingly neutral. He didn't even blink. "Well, of course. That is why I've been trying to talk-"

"No, don't pretend to misunderstand! You know very well how to get rid of this barrier without the Akuma! " she interrupted him, before he could continue with his made-up excuse. His blind insistence on pursuing this idea made her more confident in her dreadful theory.

She got further proof when something flickered in his eyes. Something that was gone as fast as it had appeared. It was too late, though.

Gotcha.

"I have no idea what you're speaking of," he said, a warning edge to his tone.

Oh, so he was going to make it difficult. But there was no time.

Because, at that instant, the barrier shifted so close, it would definitely touch them with its next contraction.

Mind made up, she decided to act before she could think. 

With a snarl, she grabbed his lapels and forcefully yanked him down towards her, meanwhile pushing herself up to meet him. She pressed her lips to his, her vice grip keeping them locked together for the moment - making sure this act met the magical requirements for their release.

Her heart kept pounding a warning beat as they teetered dangerously close at the edges of the crossbeam, somehow evading the lethal fall by pure luck. 

She had squeezed her eyes shut to spare herself the embarrassment of his reaction. The sudden tension in his body spoke volumes nonetheless. 

Two heartbeats passed with nothing happening.

Then she felt one of his hands press down on her shoulder, his fingers digging into her skin almost painfully.

Gasping, she tore herself away from him, immediately casting a look over her shoulder. She tried to ignore her flushed face, squinting through her blurry vision to try and figure out whether they had succeeded. There were no flashes of gold as far as she could see. That alone, however, wasn't enough to confirm her suspicion, so she raised one of her hands and tentatively reached out toward the empty air. 

There was no pain nor any resistance.

A flash of relief passed through her, lessening the tension from her frame.

So she had been right. They really had to- !

Well.

At least it was over now.

That was when she grew aware of a hand resting on her shoulder, its grip not as bruising anymore, but its weight still heavy on her conscience.

She herself was holding onto his lapels, unwilling to let go and refusing to look up. His body remained tense, and his unnatural stillness was foreboding. She knew she needed to say something fast, or else, she felt, he would explode on her.

"I'm sorry, monsieur," she muttered, half meaning it, half defiant. "It was the only thing I could think of."

And it had worked.

When he didn't answer, her heart sank. That was it. He was probably going to leave her up here. Or worse. Maybe he would throw her over the edge for her audacity.

She cringed inside when he let out a forceful exhale, preparing herself for the worst. What that might've been, she would never find out.

Her eyes widened when he suddenly bent down and picked her up. He shifted her to a more comfortable position in his arms while simultaneously managing to hold onto his cane. She frowned. Opening her mouth, she was about to question his intentions. What left her lips instead was a silent scream as he jumped over the edge without any warning.

Their fall was occasionally interrupted by him landing on one ladder or crossbeam and then jumping to the next. This way, they could steadily descend the many levels of the tower. Eventually, they reached the safe and solid ground.

This whole time, he had said nothing to her. He hadn't even spared her a glance. The longer this oppressive silence persisted, the worse she felt about her actions, no matter how justified. 

Had it been reversed, she knew, she would've been furious. God, she would've despised him for it! 

But she had to face the truth.

He could've done to her what she had done to him and just left her then and there once they were free. But he hadn't. Instead, he had insisted on trying to convince the Akuma to reverse the attack. And not only that. The very first thing he had done was prevent her from plunging to her death. And despite being preoccupied with his negotiations, he had stayed aware of her safety, helping whenever he felt she was in danger. Even now, he had chosen to bring her down rather than leave her behind as punishment.

This Hawk Moth was a stranger to her. She didn't know what to make of his unusual change in demeanour. 

But she couldn't ignore the suffocating heaviness in her chest anymore.

So when he set her down, she kept her grip on his lapels, holding him in place as she gathered the right words. Breathing in, she braved herself to look him in the eyes. He needed to realise that she meant what she was about to say.

"Monsieur, I'm really sorry, I-"

He didn't let her finish.

"Spare me your incessant apologies."

She flinched at his biting tone.

Noticing her reaction, he paused, his eyes studying her face in quick saccades. He must've found something in her expression because some of the severity seemed to leave his features. 

Closing his eyes, he sighed.

When he spoke again, his voice had lost its cutting edge. "You did what was necessary at that moment." Reaching up, he closed his hands around her fists and carefully loosened her grip on his clothes.

Her breath hitched. "Still..."

She clamped her mouth shut when he gave her a look. 

"I don't want to hear any more of it." He didn't let her go. Not yet. Instead, he tightened his hold on her hands, letting her know the weight of his following words. "Let us both do ourselves a favour and forget this incident."

Slowly, she nodded. She wanted to do nothing more than that.

Satisfied with her agreement, he released her. "Well, then..."

"Thank you."

The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. It was too late to take them back now.

He tilted his head. "For what?"

Does he think I'm thanking him for the kiss?

The unbidden thought made her flush in mortification, and she immediately shoved it into the deepest recesses of her mind.

"F-for rescuing me. I could've died had you not saved me!"

After a beat of silence, he inclined his head. "Any time, mademoiselle."

Having finally cleared up the situation, they exchanged goodbyes, and she watched him vanish into the night. She stayed there for a while, eyes unfocused while gathering her composure. Soon, she also left the scene.

Paris was still in need of Ladybug's intervention, after all.

There was one problem, however, she would not be able to solve.

Both Hawk Moth and Marinette would fail at their agreement to forget the events of this evening.

#gabrinette #marimoth #marimoth kiss prompt #I am so sorry it took me so long #also it got a bit long... whoops? #hope you'll still like it though! #my writing

[rachymarie]

I just wanted to say that schizospec isn't only losing words unable to speak/articulate,

It can also feature the following:

Can't stop talking is a part of both of my disabilities that i struggle with and it doesn't often slow down when I'm tired either in fact it gets worse the more tired I am. I can't regulate

Most days I am suffering from this spurred on by the flight of ideas/racing thoughts I experience and you may have noticed I will get stuck on a certain topic - it isn't unusual for me to trawl certain tags that pique my extreme interest right to the bottom of Tumblr in one (often hours-long) sitting without feeding myself or regard for my bodily comfort.

I'm not being annoying/unhinged because i can actually help it (I can't seem to) I have a compulsion to keep talking.

Tbf I don't know where the autism starts and the schizopec begins (or however that conjunction is supposed to be structured

Plus there is sooo much to say in the fight for our rights

So sorry if anyone thinks I'm cluttering up any tags but this is my account of the schizospec experience (well comorbid with autism but sorry don't know how to separate the two often because they have so much symptom overlap and actually history between the two)

I am glad that I can understand most people who have trouble speaking, but i can feel bad thinking that maybe they have trouble understanding me if it's too many words to process. And don't think any schizospec should be spoken over. This is just how I speak, and that's how they speak and I have had trouble speaking too. They actually get things across more succinctly than i seem to with much less words. Much respect

#actually schizophrenic #schizospec #disorganized speech #positive symptoms #it really is a spectrum #actually schizoaffective #actually schizospec

[lynnbutlertron]

I'm v drunk right now but I feel that mr b might lije scudworth but he doesn't like to show it- do u have any headcanons or thoughts about them

SO TRUE ANON i also tend to think about scudlertron while drunk. Hope you are safe and well atm… but let me throw some Thoughts at you. Thank you for asking me because i indeed have many thoughts…… so many. Too many. Trying to stay in theme with “mr b doesn’t like to show it” but i may go off track, apologies…

I have so many more general thoughts than this, but it’s quite a lot so i’ll put it under a readmore… i am so sorry i’m not the best at articulating my ideas, hope this is good….

-> scud and lynn are literally married but for these i’m thinking more mr b having a crush on him

-> since mr b doesn’t have hands, a mouth, etc, he would much rather show affection in other ways that don’t include having them (like kissing) . so like, i have the headcanon he loves to bake and will absolutely show his affection via baking. scudworth has no idea how much time and effort lynn puts into his bakes, how much time he spends thinking up new recipes playing on ingredients he knows scudworth likes. He is very talented and he will come up with some of the most intricate beautiful designs and scud will just wharf them and be like Thanks bee!!! You outdid yourself on those!!! and that’s enough for him.

-> This idea absolutely kills me- mr b is a robot and as a result is able to basically hide all of his attraction + his big fat crush on scudworth since he knows how to act normal (most of the time.) BUT… he cannot deny that when scudworth gets close to him, holds him, etc, he heats up like fuckin crazy (like hot to the touch) and you can hear the fans inside him trying to cool himself down (sounds like my computer when i try to play minecraft with shaders on) so scudworth could pick him up and give him a hug and b would be able to act completely normal aside from being *weirdly warm* and there being a quiet whirr from within him.

-> scudworth (i have the hc that he made him) knows this is weird and is observant enough to realise what’s going on to some extent, so i feel like he would tease him about it at one point. Which would just make him even more hot. Leave the poor robot alone he could explode at that rate.

-> After the scangrade fight (and all of the times mr bs become roughed up in season 2, which is a lot) he needs repairs, scudworth is happy to do it as he knows how, but if we’re talking about mr b having a huge crush on him, i feel like he would get so hot it would be basically impossible to touch him without hurting your hands, even with dish gloves on… I feel like in the end scudworth would have to turn mr b off (which is like the worst thing ever for the both of them) in order to repair him because he’s just squirmy and hot and he would definitely complain a lot and try and pretend nothing is wrong. And maybe it’s at that point scudworth realises there’s absolutely nothing wrong with his circuits, his fans, all the physical stuff, so he knows something is weird in the fact that he keeps getting hot to the touch. I haven’t decided if he’s smart enough to realise it’s because lynn has a huge crush on him though fhdh

-> random but the thought that mr b has seen every single side of scudworth- him at home, late at night on the couch watching fucking Jay Leno, him without his gloves, him being upset (different to the meltdown we saw in season 1) - and he’s just Fascinated with him. He feels all weird and fuzzy at the thought of being the only person trusted enough to see the different sides of him, as a result he tries to be as supportive as possible whenever he can at home. scudworth really does trust lynn and wouldn’t have it any other way ..

-> i feel like scud isn’t nearly as solitary as he appears to be- at home, he enjoys lynn’s company and asks him to watch leno with him… (scud puts it under the premise that lynn needs to make notes on all the jokes he comes up with, so he can send them to leno) but they end up kinda just snuggled into eachother. Scudworth enjoys all the heat mr b gives off like a big old radiator, and mr b is just sitting there trying to stop his circuits from frying because of how worked up he is from all the affection fhshfhd!!!

man they are everything to me. Thank you for letting me talk about them, i hope this makes sense to some extent shfhdh!!

#rambles #this is indeed RAMBLEs #I literally just woke up so if this doesn’t make sense i am genuinely so sorry #Uhhh #Not sure if i should tag this since it’s long and gay but #scudlertron #clone high #principal scudworth #mr butlertron #ahh i love getting asks telling me to talk about things #thank you so much anon #ask #and i hope you’re staying safe and drinking a lot of water to avoid a hangover!!!!!!! #:)))

[the-bunnys-code]

Eclipse's design for the film! It's a little rough around the edges right now in terms of the fine details for a piece of artwork, but this will serve as a great reference for now! A more polished reference will definitely come someday, probably as a continued edit of this one.

I actually had a bit of a journey with this design, part of which may or may not have been experienced by the original designers. It honestly wouldn't surprise me if the same thought process was had when creating the original Eclipse. Full story under the cut:

Let's begin with what I had to work with. First, I took a look at Eclipse's canonical design and identified which parts were from either Sun or Moon's designs.

From top to bottom, we have some of Sun's rays, Moon's hat, Sun's right eye and arm and Moon's left eye and arm, and Moon's pants pattern gradually fading into Sun's pattern.

Beginning with what I knew I had to tackle first, of course the Daycare Attendant I am working with is not ruined, just mildly damaged from a fight, and even then, they are repaired and decide to remain Eclipse (for the most part.) With that in mind, I decided to create the first design as if they were completely repaired, something not seen until the end of the film. I could always wear them down a bit later, it would be easier to do it that way than the other way around.

I began from the bottom working up, layering Moon's design over Sun's and erasing the lower half of the pants until I had a nice fade between the two. This involved coloring over some stars with blue and then erasing once more to get the pattern you see now. Next, I erased Moon's right arm, making it so that the arms corresponded to the canon design. From there, I moved to the vest. For those who have not been following this project (or just missed the post in which I discussed it,) I added a vest to the Daycare Attendant's designs for two reasons: The initial reason was because I had designed the other animatronics to look more furry than robotic by removing the obvious creases between their joints and other articulations, but when I applied this same effect to the Daycare Attendant, they looked rather... bare. I added the vest to not only make them look a little more modest (sorry, I can't think of a better word for what I mean at the moment) but to also lightly imply their past as a member of the theatre, which is actually discussed more in depth later in the film. This is what the vest looks like in both Sun and Moon forms:

I decided to apply the same effect to the vest that the pants had, so I erased a little bit of the blue vest from the bottom to give it a gradient. It sort of came out looking like a sunrise!

As you can see, I also added little sun and moon emblems on the vest for both of them respectively. I wanted this to reflect the shape of Eclipse's head in a way, so I started working on the face to establish that.

Eclipse's canon face/head is a little different than what I did. They have Moon's hat at the very top of their head with 6/9 (nice) of Sun's rays pointing out from either side. My Daycare Attendant has seven rays to make up for the fact that they're big and wide as I wanted them to be floppy rather than rigid, and Moon's hat is rather big as well. Before I even started, I sort of had an idea for how I wanted Eclipse's head to look. Where did I get that idea from? This, actually:

This is the Utilidoor navigational decal for the Daycare... whatever that means! But that is what the Wiki said.

I like the way this thing looks, so I followed along more with this than Eclipse's actual design. I might try making it look more like canon someday in terms of ray and hat placement, but I like how it's obvious as to what Moon's hat is from the front. I also have to keep in mind that, as I said, my Sun's rays are floppy for expressive purposes. They sort of mimic cat ears in many cases, specifically the two on either side of the top one. I think that maybe a lack of one of those on Eclipse's design sort of signified that they were beaten up and had been through some tough stuff, kind of like how a stray cat maybe has a shorter/cut/missing ear or has an irritated ear folded over. I kind of like that for Eclipse's design.

With the shape of their head completed, it was time to shape their face a little more. I started with the eyelashes by making them so that they weren't perked up like Sun's but weren't droopy like Moon's, overall just a nice meet in the middle. For this reference alone, and just to make a cute detail, I made it so that they were grinning with teeth to sort of also be a midpoint between Sun's open mouth and Moon's close smile. It also makes them look a tad bit mischievous, but that's just a bonus! There was one thing that kept bugging me though, and it was the fact that the right side of their face was Sun's color and the left side was Moon's color. it's an eclipse, shouldn't the part of their face that's moon-shaped be moon-colored and the other part be sun-colored? On a separate layer, I decided to color it this way to see how it looked:

...

I went back to the original coloring that was more closely inspired by the canon design. I could probably go on for a bit about some ideas I have about why this looks as wrong as it does, and it probably has to do with the imbalance of certain colors, but I don't want to think about it too hard right now. This is the part that I wonder if the original designer(s) went through, which would be very funny if they did (but also wouldn't surprise me if they didn't for some other reason.) Lastly in terms of their face, I kept the eye colors that corresponded to the colors of each design that covered each side of their face, and what do you know, it's just like the canon design too!

With that all said and done, I finalized the design with the emblem that reflected the shape of Eclipse's head, having four rays peeking out from behind a crescent moon.

And that's how I put together Eclipse's design for this project! Thank you for reading!

#fnaf sb ruin #fnaf ruin #fnaf eclipse #ruin eclipse #fnaf ruin eclipse #fnaf sb #fnaf daycare attendant #fnaf security breach #fnaf dca #character art #character refs #the bunny's code

[mundanewayv]

hi yall, i just wanna share that i met wayv last night at their fanmeet and finally had the chance to study their personalities throughout the 2 hours and a hi-bye! these are just my opinions as someone who works in something related to profiling.

please take this with a pinch of salt and long post ahead!

KUN

kun has slight awkwardness being in a new environment or around new people. kun happens to be in my country for the first time in his existence and doesn't know much about how the reception of the fans would be like, what persona he should put on to impress the fans or what words to use. he is seen in a one-arm hug for awhile at the beginning as he doesn't know if he should open his personality up fully to the fans or not.

the playful wayv boys use his awkwardness as a way of teasing him and when this happens, kun has one hand in his pocket. yes, we know kun is always cool and handsome but the nervous laugh he lets out as they tease him may indicate a fear of acting outside of what he feels the fans / strangers expect of him. he wants to be the smart leader that has answers to everything and acts righteously - a model example, that is.

it will likely take kun a bit more time and comfort for him to break the ice before you will truly see his nature; mainly because he wants to feel safe and reassured that it is okay to not conform to expectations set by others and be his natural self without being judged. which is why i feel that the wayv members actually actively provide him with that support and he finds it difficult to be away from them for long as he constantly tried to limp towards them so he can be together and sorta quell his fear.

my personal interaction with him was rather funny as i looked him in the eyes and praised him for being good-looking. he was shocked and didn't seem to know how to take the compliment and he ended up just laughing and smiling to himself sheepishly and looking down. i personally think kun needs a lot of reassurance to convince him that he is on the right path and that he is doing just fine. to be surrounded by many talented individuals like himself, he definitely appreciates a confidence boost from time to time.

TEN

i know mbti shouldn't be taken too seriously but i actually share the same mbti as ten and i do see him as a mirror of who i am (just maybe a little more chatty). ten is very observant. you can't but notice that ten does not actually initiate conversations and is always looking at his members. he is watching their actions and listening to what they have to say. why? because he is planning on how to maintain a smooth flow of conversation when there is a potential energy drop. he aligns jokes and questions according to what his members are sharing or how the crowd is reacting, making him look like a very relatable individual.

ten is always in a laid-back position, his gestures are also wide and natural as compared to kun who has smaller and stiffer gestures (e.g clapping of hands) - indicating his openess to learning and understanding new people or experiences.

ten is seen a step back behind his members, mainly just happily reading the room and observing his members. he has many things in his head but doesn't say them but when he thinks aloud, they are usually funnier than in was his head. the amount of things he say doesn't matter to him as much as the impact of what is being said. he calculates his words and actions well. i can confidently say that he was trying to profile me just as much as i was profiling him at the hi-bye🫣 but guess what ten, we're the same.

ten is meticulous and picks up on small details easily to try and improvise and make things more ✨interesting✨.

XIAOJUN

this man is an overthinker. and is very nervous. and shy. xiaojun's nerves never seem to go away haha, by the way he is always curled up and how he finds it to hard to articulate what he is thinking before he says it, leading him to trip over his words a lot. he is fighting his intrusive thoughts out loud basically; straddling between saying it or not and ends up saying something no even in between and feeling that he just made a fool out of himself.

and his shyness leads him to seek assurance from his members in which you see him usually clinging on or whispering to ten, hendery and even kun (how cute) and you would see a nod from those members to assure xiaojun that 'yes, xiaojun you made sense, don't fret about it.' it gets quite amusing when the members purposely puts him in a spot and kind of makes him second-guess himself and you see xiaojun just metaphorically sinking into the bush to run away from this embarassment.

while xiaojun hates being put on the spot, he is rather playful and actually likes to intentionally tease others (collaborating with his usual suspects: hendery and yangyang). theres this adorable satisfaction on his face when he grins so wide when he sees his members (read: kun-ge) doing game penalties.

he does get a little impatient when others take their time to do things that he thinks are rather simple or not complex (such as getting hendery to give him a hug), his outbursts are quite funny and we know that they're not with ill-intentions.

HENDERY

hendery is my one true love but i have to say that he is just so unserious and very easy-going. throughout the entire fanmeet, he was cracking witty jokes one after the other and it honestly felt like i was watching comedy central.

hendery does not worry about logic, he says, act, and thinks as he please. he isn't too worried about maintaining a handsome and mysterious image but he seems to find genuine joy in making people laugh.

his movements are natural, maintains good eye contact and uses ample of hand gestures while he speak, indicating confidence in communicating and his ability to effectively engage in conversations with people around him. hendery is actually very good at chinese proverbs (which is pretty tough to link to different situations) too and shows how strong and thorough his reasoning and thoughts can be and his excellent ability to think on his feet, which explains the smooth articulation of his speech.

which brings me to a point that morals and principles could potentially matter a lot to hendery. it could be because of his upbringing. him putting thought and reflecting on proverbs (often on attitude towards life) while not worrying too much about logic is very interesting.

YANGYANG

i once mentioned that he was a natural leader and yup, he is. yangyang took the lead to initiate conversations when the members needed someone or something to get the ball rolling. he is a very strong communicator - not many signs of nervousness and used minimal fillers (e.g 'uhm', 'like'). i mentioned that hendery was strong but yangyang is stronger >:) (hendery gets nervous when he runs out of funny things to say but yangyang just keeps going on when they were asked to buy time while members changed their stage outfits)

he doesn't seem to like physical affection very much (very clear repulsion when xiaojun hugged him and he just shrivels in cringe like a raisin). he is clearly very loved by his older brothers when they coo at everything he does and doesn't snap back at him when he tries to tease them.

yangyang is very smart as well. he shares the same ability as hendery to think and improvise on the spot without sounding out of topic. he always somehow manages to have the best comebacks. this comes off to me as yangyang who has a very strong mind and doesn't let people influence or sway him very much.

overall, i feel that while he may be the youngest, he is very emotionally mature and intelligent as he is able to comfortably communicate with his members who are older than him and get them to respect his thoughts and opinions. i get a sense that wayv is very appreciative of him when he is not afraid to step up to any situation when needed and he takes control of it like a pro. you don't see wayv babying yangyang and silencing him, rather, yangyang is encouraged to be expressive and playful.

#wayv #wayv scenarios #wayv scenario #nct #kun #ten #hendery #xiaojun #yangyang

[shadowxamyweek]

So... I run this blog, yeah? This one, a ShadAmy ship blog, in the good year of our lord 2022.

Why?

I like the ship. You say, 'yeah no shit dumbass,' but I really like the ship. It is the ship that formulated a blueprint for my fleet of favorite ships all under one flag. It is my ship of dreams.

And I'm not someone who grew up with Archie, which is where a lot of old-school shippers come from. I knew ABOUT Archie and what I knew scared me. Even post-reboot, I didn't want to touch it. I was firmly entrenched in the games and the games only (to a large degree, I still am. They are the only actual 'canon' in my opinion, no matter the many cool things IDW and Archie may have done.)

I'm also not someone who just wants to see their fave in a cute ship. They're both favorites of mine -I like them both separately just as much as I like them together.

So why the fuck did I love these two characters together so much when they hardly even talk?

This moment.

Because it was always going to be this moment.

I'm about ten years of age playing this game, my mind being totally blown by the plot and the characters, and it all comes to a grinding halt... to talk.

But me liking this scene didn't happen right away.

It happened in stages.

(Trigger warning. Heads up for mild mentions of gaslighting and issues with eating disorders. Shit you not, this is canon to their history.)

Part 1- Why do I like Shadow?

I knew from the start I liked Shadow.

There's something about a character that is not a 'nice person,' but they are, very much, a 'good person.' They are, in their own way, trying very hard to do the right thing.

Shadow was designed as a weapon, first and foremost. That's what G.U.N. wanted them for and that's how Gerald found his funding, even if he was also designing Shadow to be a cure/aid for Maria on the sly. Shadow went through a lot of hell because of that. Yet regardless of his history, he still makes the decision to get up every day and do his best to solve whatever situation is in front of him, bit by bit, striving steady forward to make the world a better place.

Too often, the messy, personal business of having to recognize your faults is minimized for the protagonist and amplified for everyone else that they are with. Especially in recent media (last 10-years ish, in my opinion,) you don't get a lot of protags that might not be likable all the time. You don't have that moment where they realize what they have done, are reeling from guilt and self loathing and shame, and have to make the conscious effort to do better.

But Shadow is.

This is a character who was gaslight (actual genuine memory manipulation with malicious intention I CANNOT make this shit up), fed a lie for purpose, their personality weaponized. Their love turned into an atomic bomb.

Then, they had to unlearn that and become themselves again.

I want more heroes like that. I want heroes that were or could have been villains, and instead of and dying in a last redemptive act (as if it makes up for everything they have done), they live... and they have to keep living. They have to keep learning. They have to be... you know... people.

I know a lot of people debate over whether or not Shadow as actually suppose to stay dead after SA2, and in everything I have read, the evidence seems inconclusive. Either way, I'm glad they brought him back. I'm glad they made him live and learn (pun intended) and choose to be better. Not as a weapon, not as a cure, but as themself.

That makes for a great story and character study. That's always the sort of thing I want to sink my teeth into and stay awake reading and rereading and coming back to it with new eyes.

Furthermore, Shadow... well, they are a person who scares people. The design, the demeanor, the articulation (or lack thereof) in regards to motivation and thought. It doesn't matter if they mean to, it happens.

And they're fine with it.

They don't need to be verbal all the time. They don't need to understand social cues or unspoken rules. They are allowed to go off and stare at nothing and think in the quiet because it's comfortable. This guy was living my fucking dream.

Also, Shadow was also my first introduction to Nonbinary Thoughts that I had ever seen. This person walks in with their highlights and eyeliner and fluffy self with their dope kicks and sweet color pallet and a cool voice and I had all sorts of joy lighting up inside me. This was like glam rock. This was like seeing Mercury or Lennox for the first time, or realizing that sometimes, the chick-parts in theater productions are played by boys and the dude-parts are played by girls. I dunno how else it put it. It's the moment you go, 'ooooh,' before you flip the flimsy table that the binary gender code has placed itself upon.

This fantasy hedgehog bastard and I have a lot in common, and I've leaned on that a couple of times to remind myself I'm not alone because, for the longest time... I didn't know any living people who had gone through what I had. I have since found friends over time with similar situations, and they all mean the world to me, but Shadow for years was the imaginary friend of a lonely kid who scared the other kids.

That means a lot to me.

Part 2- Why do I like Amy?

I use to not like Amy.

(As such, the order of thought for this segment is going to be different. Sorry in advance.)

I hasn't played any other Sonic game before SA2, so my first encounter with her was not the best. I didn't understand why she was here. I didn't understand why she acted the way she did. I didn't like her voice actor, or her dialog lines, or how she was just written as 'the girl'. Every other character got to be cool and do shit and be playable and Amy was just There(tm). Later I played SA1 and realized she was cool but how she was written in every game seemed to just be decided by dice. Yeah, they used the same dice, so the basic characteristics stayed the same, but the way they were portrayed or portioned fluctuated drastically. I never knew what she was going to show up like.

And that's partially on me- I was stuck in a binary jam as a kid. Still, even beyond that, she as a character and I did not gel.

And then I played Sonic Battle.

(tw // eating disorders)

I keep saying I need to replay Battle, if only to get evidence of this. There's a part of me that wants to believe I made it up, just to avoid the implications, but I know I didn't.

In Battle, like in SA1, SA2, and 06, you play through multiple perspectives of a story (always did like that sort of gameplay.) During the story, you get to be both Cream and Amy, and you find something out during this.

Amy has an eating disorder.

This may be a headcanon, and I am biased, but this obsession to the point of illness with her weight and figure has appeared a couple of times including out if gameplay (I know, breaking my own rule about game canon focus). For an older example, there's an issue in the Sonic manga Spin and Dash where Amy falls for one of Eggman's schemes for weight loss since she's worried she's gaining weight. She then comes back emaciated, asking Sonic and Tails if she looks pretty. Most recently, there is official art of Amy punching a punching bag with a picture of ice cream on it while Germal watches, which is a direct reference to that I am about to relay.

In Battle, you go against Amy several times in a form of combat called Boxercising. Canonically, it is stated that Amy got into Boxercising to get stronger and help out more on missions, but then became obsessed when she realized she could lose weight. Though Cream protests all the 'training' saying Amy is too tired due to her lack of eating and constant training, Amy keeps insisting she wants to go another round. You do this a few times, and then, it is revealed that she has been wearing weights this entire time.

I use to wear weights all the time, around my ankles and under long pants so nobody noticed. I did it to try and lose weight. You want to know what happens when you do that? You fuck up your ligaments and tendons. I had to take a second. Then, I went back to the game. It got worse from there.

After the fighting, Amy passes out. When she awakens, after a bit of dialog, she asks then-Emerl how she could loose more weight. The robot proposes a ridiculous training regiment and a diet in which Amy is to only eat salad leaves and some other minimal insane bullshit, and though Cream is horrified, Amy insists she can do it.

And I hated it.

I hated how of course it was Amy. I hated how this was played for laughs. I hated how they'd pick the Girl Character(tm) because eating disorders are coded girlish apparently and once again I'm sitting there hating everything to do with everyone but especially whoever thought that was funny or let that mistake (if it was a mistake) slide or whatever. I was angry.

But it was at that moment I saw Amy in a new light. I had never seen another character go through this, not in the way I did. I decided to go back and give her character a second look.

What I found upon putting aside my own self loathing was a wonderful character. Yes, she, like everyone else, suffered from tone changes between games, but at the core, she was a really wonderful person doing the best she could out of love for everything and everyone.

Yes, she is stubborn and maybe sometimes a bit selfish. Yes, she has tunnel vision and sometimes that causes a problem. I will remind the court that the kid in canon is 12/13 and which one of you was the perfect preteen? I reiterate my point about flawed protagonists. I reiterate my point about multifaceted characters. I reiterate my point that a person is allowed to be a person and that makes them better than a cardboard cuttout that can be projected upon.

She's not a manic pixie dream girl, she's a fucking supernova.

She loves her friends, her found family, her home, her planet, the strangers she meets on the street, everyone. This girl will remind you to take care of yourself right before she throws hands with god. This girl is a badass because she loves fiercely and terribly. No, not in the 'cool, masculine way' that seemed to be the only permissible volatile love I saw in media, but in her way.

It's not a thing that just is. That sort of love comes from wanting to love. Making the conscious decision to love, and act on that love, in the best way a person knows how.

Just like you, or I, or anyone else.

And how deeply, how furiously, how passionately and totally a person can love everything, anything, and in spite of whatever is going on, decide to act on that love with a desire to do good for the sake of doing good.

That means a lot to me.

Part 3: The Ship of Dreams

We come back to this moment, because it was always going to be this moment.

An unstoppable force meets an unmoveable object.

But they are not on opposite sides. In fact, they are very much on the same side. These two love fiercely and terribly. They want to do the right thing. They are willing to sacrifice happiness and safety in order to achieve that.

And once they realize this, they work together to do the right thing out of love.

This post, I think, does a very nice job of elaborating on a facet of that concept.

---

@wizardofthebog

The “This character who is flawed, traumatized and hurting cannot be saved by love. But they can choose recovery because they are loved”-trope makes me just… I think I need to lay down.

@theoneandonlymagiscientist

“saved by love” and “choose recovery because loved” look similar on the surface, perhaps because the end results look similar, but they’re so different really. It’s passive vs. active; a story is about the person who’s making choices, being proactive. If Character A is saved by love, then it’s not them the story is about, it’s about their savior, Character B. If Character A chooses recovery, then they’re the one the story is about. Character B is the side character this time.

One is the narrative of taking what is broken and fixing it. It is not about the ‘broken’ person, it’s about the ‘savior’ who ‘fixes’ them.

One is a tale of healing. It is not about one person ‘fixing’ the other, it’s about the person who makes a conscious decision to not let their pain define them.

In one, the story is about the person who loves the hurt person, and the hurt person’s pain is incidental to the main character’s arc. In the other, the story is about the hurt person themself, and the other person’s love is incidental to their arc.

I hope I’ve said this well enough. My words may not be coming out the right way to express what I’m trying to say. Sometimes they do that.

---

There's also this quote from Guillermo del Toro

---

"The beast doesn’t need to transform to be loved. He doesn’t have to turn into a boring fucking prince to be loved. Or renounce to the essence of who it is. To me love is not transformation, love is acceptance and understanding."

---

And what about these closing lines from Niel Gaiman's observations on love given at a friend's wedding?

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"- In the darkness you will reach out a hand,

not knowing for certain if someone else is even there.

And your hands will meet,

and then neither of you will ever need to be alone again."

---

I believe in love: the concept, the idea, the goal. I believe that, upon achieving the goal of fostering love, in maintaining it, enabling it to thrive, to be happy and be healthy.

I believe in people and the power they have as individuals, and how that power finds new strength when people work together as a unit, as a team, as friends and confidantes and lovers.

Love to me is being in lock step, hand in hand, walking forward together.

And I just so happen to see it in these two silly, fictional hedgehogs.

#shadamy #shadowxamy #shadow the hedgehog #amy rose #tw // eating disorder #tw // gaslighting #i seriously cannot believe i actually was able to pen this all down. it took me a while #i highly doubt this is what... anyone... expected when they asked why i like the ship but... here it is #op rambles #this took me... days... but i wanted to get it right #thoughts

[polar-jake778]

The ending of my short story.

The title is self explanatory, but I will exasperate its expressive nature below.

Snowing flits of fear, flowing rivers of the overseer, people cowering behind the warmth of a beer and memories made only here. You saw the charity in the walk, hares running in the ankle high snow, blackbirds watching from afar, and elderly piercing you with judgement from the comfort of their home. And yet, you continued to walk the heavy snow filled landscape. Alone, Unwavering, grateful and strong. You didn't have to, but you did. Some would say the comfort of the flakes falling upon our cheeks is similar to a mother grasping our innocent childish face, reflecting on how much of a thief time really is. You did not need to look her in the eyes as you began to lose sense of yourself, but you did. You fought from sun up till sun down, from the loss of your guide to the rekindling of your trust in nature. And as death itself, I must cherish your fortitude for you did well. You did all that you could, and no matter how much people will say you failed, you had succumbed to nothing but the same as them. Only difference is the smile upon your face and the ember within your heart being enough to light the world a new sentiment of love, care and forward bravery. Nobody will ever know who you were. But they will get to know you as you live and breathe in each and every tree. For you will be at your rightful mothers side, stronger, more confident and more free than any mortal ever could have been. You knew you lived a lonely life. But you made the most of it. You found comfort in your discomfort. And made the most of what nature brought unto you. For the life you lived, no matter how harsh, lonely or thieving of breath and mind it may be, you made it. You found home. For that, be proud, be glad, and do not settle for your new life has only just begun. They say history is written by the victor, for now, it is written by the survivor of all torment, loss and dissatisfaction. You are the librarian of the barred, you are the guidance for the lost, the crutch to the weak and the warmth to the cold. You, dear Pendler, are our shining colour. Our lone Wanderer.

-Those who Wander, Polar_Jake78

I have been writing a short story since the beginning of this year. I debated on whether I should release my Sci-fi fantansy novels but those are currently under repair. And will be under such maintenance for years to come. A series of books built upon 480k words, which was made within the declination of my controlled self; that of course would hold too many personal innuendos. So, repairs must be done. Think of it like the construction of a chapel. Instead of saying nothing about what is being done in the background, I thought it would be nice to express that I am indeed making a book. One of which is heavily remarked by those of whom have read the rough copy as a "philosophical walk through guilt, anxiety, oddity and abnormality". This summary may sound overwhelming and stereotypical. Perhaps inferred that this work is but an articulation of a subconscious plague. But rest assured you, this story is but a walk through nature, life, memory and a message that persists upon forward bravery through thick and thin. This of course will be no easy read. The first intention behind creating this was to create an exercise for those of limited visual imagination. Therefore, there is a lot to visualize and interpret. And last but not least, this story is where I depict my understanding of oblivion. A subject that I have mentioned before on this blog. If you happen to be fascinated by my interpretation, this story in its entirety will be perfect for you. Nonetheless, this is the ending of my short story(don't question why I am releasing the end and not the start. Enjoy)

Sneaky polar bear picture

#literature #blog #love #motivation #strength #thoughts #adventure #change #booklr #books #book quotes #reading #oc #my writing #polar bear #polar bears #my post #end of a book #short story #philosophy #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #spilled words #spilled writing #expressive writing #explore #mortality #announced #writers on tumblr #tumblog

[thief-of-eggs]

fic writer meme

Thank you thank you to the timkon QUEEN @hearteyeshayley for tagging me <33

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

67

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

322,925

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I mostly write for DC, but I also write for Marvel, as well as TBOSAS, ATLA, and any other book/show that randomly grabs my interest

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Mark Me Like a Bloodstain (Most unfortunately, because i hate to think that this is my AO3 legacy. Smut for Miguel O’hara that I wrote in an hour…)

Thoughts of You Consume (More smut! I didn’t expect this one to gain so much traction, but it is super fun to write!)

The Hardest Thing to Lose is You (…more Miguel O’hara smut..)

Like Melting Snow (Aaaand more snowjanus smut) ((This one is especially awkward seeing as I promised to never write Omegaverse, and yet here we are))

Guilt and Greed (One that I am actually proud of!!!! Not my greatest work but I did enjoy making this one.)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try my hardest to!! I’m a bit behind right now, but I also haven’t been on my AO3 much this last month. I reread every comment at least 5 times, they genuinely are the food that gets me through it all. I love love LOVE talking to others about my works, and so getting to talk to yall in the comment section is SO fun for me!!!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably Memory’s Embrace. While it is not my angstiest work by far, I usually throw some comfort in there as well to let it not end angsty. This fic, however, is the only one that truly ends without a happy ending.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think So If You Will, Please Fall in Love With Me may be my happiest ending. I absolutely adore this fic, I love fluff but don’t write it nearly as much as I’d like to.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yup! The Snowjanus fandom, while ever so kind and supportive, also shockingly is full of haters as well! I’ve received everything from death threats to blatant slams of my writing. They make me giggle every time

9. Do you write smut?

I told myself I wouldn’t, and yet… here we are.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you have written?

No, I’m boring :(

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Twice actually! (To my knowledge)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes!!!! I had one turned into a podfic (literally made me CRY, I was so so happy)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No but I’ve talked about doing so with a few writer friends!! I am so down to

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

This is a very tricky question for me. I tend to love things with my entire being when I hyperfixate on them, and then I tend to feel very ‘meh’ about them after. So picking an all time is difficult, since my interests are always fluctuating.

HOWEVER, I would say that Timkon and Drarry are the two that have remained constant. (And while I am new to Andreil, I can already see it becoming another core ship for me)

15. What is a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have an entire half-written Timkon Reverse Robins AU where Tim is red hood, and Kon ends up an accomplice. @sophiasrant has heard way too much about this AU.

As much as I would love to expand upon it and actually finish writing it, I don’t think I’ll ever have the time to do it justice. It would end up as SUCH a long fic (though I do have full written scenes if anyone is ever interested)

16. What are your writing strengths?

I like how I describe emotions and feelings. I am not very good at articulating how I am feeling, but give me a character and suddenly I have a million shades of color to paint the particular emotion they are feeling. I love to be poetic in writing, and I think I sometimes achieve that.

I also think I have a talent with smut, though I am not sure. The feedback would say so, but I literally do not know how to judge smut writing. It always feels cringe, but maybe all smut feels that way.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I never plan ahead. Like, ever. I lack discipline and I never do enough editing. As soon as a work is finished it gets posted. There are quite a few works that I know I could have done better, if only I weren’t so impatient. But alas, I cannot make myself wait.

18. Thoughts of writing dialogue in another language in fics?

I’ve only ever done it once, in a fic with Bucky Barnes and Natasha. I feel neutral on the topic. Just do research if you plan on doing it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Downton abbey! I wrote it for me and for me only, and then decided to share it. I still never got around to finishing it…

20. Favorite fic you have written?

I have quite a few!!! (Because it’s so hard for me to pick favorites)

All of my favorites are non smut fics. I love the ones where I managed to be particularly poetic, or especially fluffy. Like, the words just flowed, and I was quite happy with the outcomes.

Those include:

So If You Will, Please Fall in Love With Me

Born From Ash

Rough on The Surface (But You Cut Through Like a Knife)

That Which Lies Beneath

I'm tagging @nanachachasposts <33 As well as anyone else who would love to do it!!

#writing #fanfic memes #fanfic writing #ao3 #ao3 author

[writingcold]

Neapolitan: A Continuance

A/N:  It’s here.  The end of Continuance.  This is not as long as I thought it would be, but it wraps everything up so sweetly.  Be prepared for fluff.  I found this part healing.  I had to giggle a bit when I realized I never gave a name to the totally fictional town that Violet lives in, so Parson Lake finally gets a name!  Sorry if I ramble a bit, but it just is what it is.  I am having a hard time saying goodbye, but it is the end of the story for now.  Jake and Violet are very special to me, though.  There’s something about how their story arcs just fell together so quickly.  As for the story itself, I never thought that it would lead to a full, long assed story.  So, that said…

Here are the links to the master lists of Neapolitan and Neapolitan: A Continuance

I also need to say, I do not know the members of GVF or their families.  Jake is my muse and is haunting my brain in so many different ways it’s scary.  This is a total work of my own fiction.

Word count: approx. 5200 words

Content Warnings:  Mostly fluff.  Couple angst - just a smidge.  Coming to terms with past abuse - maybe not in the best manner, but it’s a reckoning.  More fluff.  Oh the fluff.

Part 10 - The Finale

 Violet POV

     They had survived getting home to Nashville.  Jake buried himself in work, often not returning home until well after Violet had crashed out for the night.  She had survived her week in Lexington, loving every moment that she had both at work and being able to walk the city with new friends and colleagues.  She was back home for three days before flying out to Seattle.  Jake had made sure to be present for each of those days, spending every moment they had together touching, loving, sharing with her.

      On the return trip home, they had agreed to meet up in Grand Rapids and head home to Parson Lake.  Violet crashed into her man the moment she saw him.  His body bent to her, latching on and refusing to let go for what seemed an eternity.  To just stand and hear him breathing brought her whole world back around to joy.  

      Within days of being home, however, it started as a slip.  Then it was a stutter.  There was a shadow she could not quite place.  Jake seemed fine, but there was a distance within that she could not explain.  She knew it was his way of working through something be it a writing block, a stray riff, or an issue between them - she needed to just give him space.  He would eventually be able to articulate his needs to her.  This time, however, there was a pain there that spurned her to watch in an anxious manner.

      The heat of the day drew him out onto the deck under the umbrella, armed with his guitar and notebook.  Violet peeked in from time to time, smiling as the breeze caught his hair, whipping it around his head until he would get frustrated and yank it back in a pony.  Hour two found him with the guitar and notebook cast aside.  Violet frowned.  It was not his normal.

     “Jake?”  she called from the slider door.  “You need anything?”

     He breathed out a puff of smoke as he looked over his shoulder at her.  He shook his head and remained quiet.  She may have hesitated, but she shored up her nerves and moved to his side.

     “Hey, you all right?”  she asked, making sure to keep her tone calm.

     A shrug of the shoulders was his response.  Violet stepped in between his legs to lean against the railing in front of him.  He looked up at her for a moment then returned his gaze to the woods.

     “Is it something I can help with?”  she asked, trying to keep her tone light.

     Another shrug.

     Another stretch of silence.

     Another shift away from her.

     “Jake?”

     He tossed his sunglasses onto the table before scrubbing his hands across his face.  The uncertainty was steamrolling towards a snapping point for Violet.  Her heart began to thud painfully as she watched him struggle.  It did not happen often, but to see unhappiness echoing through his features stabbed at her.  

      Finding a scrap of voice, she haltingly asked, “What’s going on?”

      He dropped his chin to his chest as he sucked in a breath.  “I don’t know how to say what’s going on, Vi.”

      His voice seemed so small.  So unsure.  It was not like when they talked about getting married.  He had been upset that night.  This was his unhappy.  She watched as he reached for his sunglasses once more.  Next, he would want to drink his glass of iced tea down.  Then he would escape back to the kitchen to refill it.  Blowing out, she broke the cycle instead, and reached out until her fingers landed on his knee.

      “When did this start?”  she asked.

      “After we left Madison.”  He scrunched up his face and shook his head.  

      Licking at her lip, she frowned.  “Does this have something to do with our evening with Connor?”

      He looked away from her, instantly folding himself away.  

      “Do you regret-”

      “Fuck no.”

      “Okay, Jake.  I’m lost.”

      “So am I.”

      Silence.  

      She straightened as he reached for the pack of smokes.  Before he could take one out of the pack, she took it from him to catch his attention once more.  Holding her hand out to him, she tugged at him to stand up with her.  She tossed the pack back onto the table as he stepped in close to her.

      “Please talk to me,”  she whispered, tracing the line of his jaw.  “If it’s not regret, what is it?”

      He laughed nervously.

      “Are you embarrassed about what we did?”

      “No.”  His voice sounded like he was being raked over flaming coals.  She took his sunglasses off and set them on the deck rail at her side.  He struggled to look at her.  “It’s got me thinking.  But it’s just stupid and I’ll get over it.”

       “It’s not stupid if it’s making you feel like this,”  Violet whispered, touching the ridge of his jaw as if she could relax the tension that was so evident.

       He arched an eyebrow as he wrapped his arms around her.  “I know this is what I want.  I know that I’m right where I want to be.  We’re it.  But…”

       He paused.  The apprehension in his features stirred her.

      “Violet, I just…  Fuck.  I don’t know how to put it into words.”

      “Good thing I’m patient.”

      “The fuck you are.”

      She grinned as he pulled her closer.  “The fuck I am.”

      “I think I’m bi.”

      She frowned as he hid his face from her once more.  “I don’t understand.”

      He dropped his hold on her and started to move away.  His tone was instantly defensive.  “What is there not to understand?”

      “Jake, it’s not something we’ve really talked about.  I just thought that you were bi,”  she said simply, void of judgment.  He looked at her full of questions.  “From what you’ve told me about encounters and partners, I just thought...”

      His shoulders slumped.  “I’ve always figured that I was open, not necessarily anything.  It’s never been important to slap a label on it.  Define it…”

      Violet reached out, hesitant that he may reject the touch.  Instead, he leaned into her hand, eyes cast down.        “That night.  I can’t stop thinking about it.  Vi, I can’t just move on.”

      “He made you feel good,”  Violet whispered, her body instantly placid over his revelation.

      “Yeah,”  Jake sighed, dropping his defenses once more.  “I know Connor was special to you.  I had not realized just how important he was until… after.  I saw.  I saw how he touched you.  Held you.  How you held on to him.  There had been love there.”

      “He was good for me when he was able to be.  Things would get complicated in the outside world and then he’d be gone.  He was there when I needed him most.  If he wouldn’t have told me to come home, I would never have met you.”

       Silence.  Unlike moments before, it was calming, accepting.  Violet moved closer into him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

       “I love you.  No matter what.”  She threaded their hands together before wrapping his arms behind her to rest on her bottom.  “You miss him?  Is that what is happening?”

       “Like a crush?”  When she nodded, he raised his eyebrows.  “I didn’t think about it that way.  I suppose I am.  Does that mean something?”

      “Means you’re being honest with me.  I think our commitment is pretty strong,”  she said as she lay her head against his shoulder.  “I don’t think I’ve even thought about it until now, but my commitment is to you fully, not just our sex.  That’s part of it, but not all of it.”

      “You’ll stay with me?  This, whatever it is, doesn’t scare you?”

      “Doesn’t scare me.”

      He blew out a breath against her cheek full of relief.  She grinned mischievously as he kissed the corner of her mouth.

      “Does this mean we can do that again?”

      “Do what?”

      “Invite Connor to absolutely rail you while I watch?”

      He dipped his chin as his cheeks flushed a bright pink.  “You liked that, huh?”

      “You fucking liked it,”  she teased.  “It was beautiful to watch.  And you shared it with me.  I never felt more loved.”

     The evening was cool as Violet stepped out onto the deck with a pair of beers in one hand and a plate of grilled cheese sandwiches in the other.  Jake was poking the fire, stoking it into a pretty, pretty frenzy.  They settled in, eating their sandwiches and drinking the beer, all the while letting the pops and cracks of the fire be their background music.  Violet smiled at the sight of fireflies in the edges of the woods.  The super clear sky was beckoning their eyes to stray to the stars that were beginning to show through the evening’s shroud.  The songbirds were quieting down while the frogs were giving it their all, filling the air with stirrings of life.

      Jake added another log to the flames before settling back in the chair.  Violet made a trip back to the kitchen to retrieve more beers when her eyes landed on a large manilla envelope on the dining room table.  Her brain flickered seeing Mae’s office letterhead on the return address corner, instantly knowing what resided in the ugly orange wrapping.  Her fingers brushed across it.  She swore she could feel a prickle of heat and shame that was strewn across each page.  She swallowed hard as her eyes rolled up to the ceiling.  She blew out her cheeks as her fingers wrapped around the heavy bundle.

      “When did this get here?”  she asked as she approached, holding up the package.

      “Oh, sorry,”  he answered, smoke getting into his eyes.  “This afternoon while you were out with your dad.  I totally forgot it was there.”

      She nodded as she handed him his beer.  Violet sat down on the edge next to him before tearing open the large envelope and pulling out the familiar folder and a letter.  Her eyes trained across the words - Mae’s warm thoughts of wishes that could be but how the law in this case was not prone to what was needed by those who needed justice, but by those who worked the system to their advantage.  

      “What is it?”  he asked, moving next to her.

      She shook her head as she chewed her bottom lip.  “Something that does not exist any more.”

      She started with the letter and envelope, wadding up the paper and throwing it into the flames.  Violet felt his hand come down across hers, capturing her attention.

      “This is your file,”  Jake said softly, almost reverently.  

      “I’m ready to let it go,”  she remarked, opening the cover to reveal a medical picture of a sketched woman’s body with a circled collarbone and three fingers - the first time that Tim had laid hands on her.  The first time he had broken her.  Jake’s intake of a breath as he realized what he was looking at made her smile nervously.  “I want this part of me to be done.”

      She tossed paper after paper, photo after photo, hospital sketches, reports into the flames after taking in one last look at each one.  Jake sat as a silent witness, although at times, she could feel the absolute rage sweep over him at the sight of the physical damage that she was subjected to time and again.  Each time she paused, her eyes skating over how the flame lapped and ate the fuel she threw at it without hesitation.  It consumed days, weeks, months of her life in moments.  Each toss lifted a weight from her mind as if erasing the past into a faded and blurred blueprint of what had been.  

      “Jesus fucking christ…”  a sob broke loose from Jake as a photo slipped to the ground from the last episode.

      Violet did not realize that her own face was washed in tears.  She watched limply as he lifted the picture that showed the damage to her face - the fractured eye socket, the fractured jaw, the laceration that spidered along her scalp and missing hair from where it had been yanked out.  It was like looking at someone she had never seen before and was expected to care for them.  It was an overtly clinical sensation as her eyes moved across the picture in Jake’s trembling hold.

      Her dark eyed man was openly weeping at the sight of what was, his whole body racked with quivering emotions that boiled just beneath his skin.  He brought his palm up, cupping her cheek and passing the pad of his thumb across the ridge of her cheekbone.  

      “I don’t know how you survived,”  he choked out as she took the picture from him.  “How the fuck could he do this…?”

       She threw the picture into the fire along with the rest of the pages.  “I almost didn’t,”  she answered after she made sure everything caught a flaming lick.  “I almost didn’t.  I don’t think I breathed for a long time.  And then you arrived and loved me.”

     He tucked her hair back behind her ear.  Violet wiped at his cheeks, unable to stop the emotion from spilling from him.  She leaned close, kissing him just below each eye as if to take away what he had seen.  What she had allowed him to see was to be the end of those moments that she did not need to hold close.  Not any more.  They held no more sting.  No more pain.  The sting was gone and there was no use to holding onto something that would hold no importance to her future.  Not like the man that sat before her, weeping over the travesty that was for her.

      “I should have done this alone,”  she breathed as he collected himself.

      “Absolutely not.”  It was not a hardness in his tone, but a resolve that swelled around her, surprised her.  “It will take me awhile to digest this.  I won’t be able to not see this…”

      He traced the faint scar that started at the corner of her eye and wove its way back into her hairline.  Next was the shallow divot in her bottom lip, close to the corner of her mouth.    The almost vanished streak that was just beneath her jaw kissed at his thumb.  

     “I can only hope that I can be as strong as you, baby,”  he whispered.  “I can never resolve what has been done.  I can only make sure it will most certainly never happen again.”     

Jake POV 

      The text stared up at him as he listened to wherever Violet was in the house.  Things were falling into place faster than he thought they would.  Connor was in contact with plans to visit for a discussion.  The notion of the future conversation blooming into anything lay in a tight coil of wonder at the bottom of his belly.  For Violet to be the one that suggested talking with Connor in the first place only deepened his love for her.  Her full acceptance of him, of his self discovery, solidified the need to commit to her totally.

      “Vi!  Come on,”  he grumbled from the deck.  “You’re dad’s gonna kill me if we’re late.”

      Her voice was muffled from upstairs in her answer.  He grinned as he passed his hand over his back pocket.  The marriage license was heavy against him, sending rays of unexpected joy across his skin as he struggled to keep in the surprise.   

      “Come on - if your Dad won’t do it, the Hell-wrecker will flay me alive and laugh about it,”  he called up the stairs.  “She might even dance her tiny fucking feet on my entrails.”

      The cackle that echoed from upstairs warmed his skin.  Violet started down the stairs, taking his breath away.  Dressed in everyday clothes with no make-up, her hair all down around her face, stilled his heart and prickled at his brain.  His teeth bit into the flesh of his cheek to keep him from blurting out over her beauty.  She was complaining at him, but the words were like song notes and her perfume was like the essence of his whole life.  

      Into the truck and down the road they flew.  She was talking about work and how she was expected to fly to Boston in the coming month and start a trek across some of the huge medical schools on the east coast.  Her nerves rose up and laced every word.  

      He parked at LP’s, grimacing to see that Charlie’s car was already present.  He glanced at his phone as she was quick to get out.  He sent a quick text before following her.

      “Josh bothering you again?”  she snarked as she reached for the door.

      “Something like that,”  he chuckled.

      Charlie and Madelynn were sitting on the deck with Tony and Cara.  The booming voice of her dad and his “Bear!” greeting made him laugh no matter what.  Violet, without fail, reverted back to the little daddy’s girl she was and would instantly melt into the man’s side.  He shook hands with Tony and Cara gave him the stink eye before yanking him down next to her.  The tiny figure was hiding the force of a 7 foot tall longshoreman.  Of that, Jake was sure.  

      A notification crossed his phone just as he heard the familiar rumble of a muscle car.  His body nearly lurched forward as he turned towards the door.  He could hear his mother first, followed by Josh laughing.  Violet’s brows were pinched as he stood up with a huge smile.  She looked around and was instantly enveloped by Karen in a hug.  

      “Hey there, sweetie!”  she belted out, holding on tight.

      “I didn’t know you were in town,”  Violet said as she withdrew only to be taken in by Kelly.

       Jake was quick to introduce everyone as Josh stood shoulder to shoulder with him.  Violet had picked up quickly that everyone but her were in on the visit.  The heat in her eyes directed at him made him shuffle his feet.  

       “So, Jake, where we doing this?”  Josh pushed through everyone talking and brought the situation around sharply.

       “Doing what?”  Violet asked, eyes never straying from him in a hard manner.

       “I thought it would be a good day to get married,”  he answered with a grin.  “And doing it here, where it all started, with parents so as not to be killed by either set, made sense.  What do you say?”

      Her mouth opened, but no sound came out.  He half expected her to scold him.  He half expected her to say ‘no’.  But the surprise melted away to a smile that latched onto him and dragged him close to her.

      “I thought we’d just go to the JP?”  she asked, voice hushed as he leaned into her.

      “I will be your official internet ordained officiant today, darling,”  Josh swooned, reaching for her hand and pulling her towards him.  “So, Jake, where you need me?”

       He laughed as Violet was so overwhelmed.  “What do you think, Vi?  Right here?  The bar where you kissed me first?”

       Charlie barked out a sound.  “Sounds about right.”

       “Thanks, Dad,”  Violet laughed.  “There was the dancefloor during the thunderstorm.  Horribly romantic…  Or down on the lawn by the water.  You do love wildflowers.  Or…”

       She reached out and took his hand, seemingly caught up in the moment.  Everyone followed to the edge of the deck on the far side, closest to the parking lot.  Jake tried to place importance.  He noticed that she looked back at Tony who smiled quietly at her.  

       “It was at this spot that I knew I loved you, Jake.”  The look in her eyes swept him away over the memory that swelled within her.  “Tony found me in the parking lot that day you left for home.  I made it less than a half mile before I was a total mess.”

      “Oh my,”  Karen blurted, leaning into her husband with proud smiles.

      “I like it.  Better than the highway on the way to Grand Rapids.  Much safer,”  Josh cracked with a wide grin.

     “That was when I knew,”  he said, voice crinkled with thick rasp and emotion.  

     He watched as she squeezed his hand.  The world fell away as she kissed him.  

     “Alright, alright, let’s get to it,”  Josh said before clearing his throat dramatically.  “This is a very minimalist moment as we witness the joining of this man to this woman.  No vows will be spoken as their hearts have been speaking them from the moment they met.”

      “Oh Joshy, that’s beautiful,”  Karen remarked with a sigh.  “Put that in a song.”

      Jake could not help the little laugh that escaped.  Violet pressed closer into his side over the dark look that passed over his twin’s face.  

       Josh drew in a long breath before continuing.  “There are no rings; no outward symbols to profess your commitment.  None are needed.  One look and there is no question of your commitment to each other.  Even from day one.  It was evident to us that Violet and Jake were very much in love, though it took a few sledgehammer moments over the brain for them to figure it out.  Instead of a ring, we will look to promise your physical forms to each other.  Jake, do you promise to take care of Violet?  Nurture her, support her, love her for as long as you are together?”

      He nodded as he met her gaze.  “Yeah.”

     “Violet, do you promise to take care of Jake?  Nurture him, support him, love him for as long as you are together?”

      She nodded quickly, tears hitting her rosy cheeks as she turned her face into his shoulder to hide.

       “You sure?”  Josh joked.

       “Fuck you, Josh,”  she sniffled and laughed at the same time.

       “Gotcha.  So that’s it.  You two are hitched.  Kiss her so we can get the license signed and down some shots.”

      The parents, Tony and Cara cheered as she looked up at him.  He reached for her, dragging her into a kiss that made them both blush but not really care.  The feel of her skin, the taste of her mouth and the emotion of the moment was perfect.  Josh had struggled listening to him about all the shit they really did not want in the wedding itself, but Jake had to admit, what he did create for them was nothing short of them.

      Tony shooed his wife away as she started setting glasses up on the bar, grumbling about toxic pours and killing people.  Jake took the license from his pocket and handed it over to his expectant twin.  Violet reached for him as they watched Josh sign the paper with dramatic flair.  Jake took the pen as his eyes flicked around to the laughing parents and friends who were already deep in conversation and plans, before landing on her.  Her eyes were so full of love and warmth.  Only one word struck his brain as he put ink to paper - forever.

Violet POV

     The shot glasses were lined up.  Tequila poured.  Limes and salt at the ready.  Jake stared at her from the opposite side of the bar.  His dark eyes shimmered with an emotion that struck her deeply.  It stirred the dismal reaches that she had once thought could never be touched due to damage and armor and old blood and weapons that she had put into place to ensure to never again be harmed.  And yet.  There he was before her.  His handsome face completely relaxed and shining directly at her all of his happiness, all of his emotions were bare and open for anyone to see.  Violet could only imagine that she mirrored his expressions.  Her entire form inside was quivering uncontrollably.  Her heart thrummed with a certainty that she had never had before.

      His mouth screwed to the side as everyone seemed to drop into position.  Josh stood at the end cap of the bar, while the couples stood at the ready like a race.  Her tongue dragged across her bottom lip as she felt the nerves start to stab.  Jake perked an eyebrow at her before glancing at his dad.  

      “Sink it,”  he said quickly, grabbing his glass like it was a competition. 

      Violet giggled as they downed the shots, slamming their glasses down before their elders, both forgoing the citrus.  Karen’s cackle and her dad’s boom mingled sending everyone to a roar of laughter.  Kelly had floated over to the jukebox, standing before the neon much like his son did many a time.  Violet smiled in his direction as Jake and Josh were messing around.  However, the notes of “Something” brought both men to a halt.  Kelly grinned, holding his hand out to Violet with a soft “Come on.”  

     Karen laughed, giving her encouragement to get on out on the dancefloor.  “Been our song forever, Violet!”

      She looked to Jake for a moment before taking her brand new father-in-law’s hand, stepping close as he wrapped his hand on her back and one hand holding her own tightly.  They gilded across the wood planks.  She noticed the instant silence even though she was not able to really look away from Kelly and his warm smile.

      “Thank you for loving my son,”  he said quietly for only her to hear.  

      Her heart swelled as he turned her gently only to sweep her up again.  Violet felt like her emotions were tied to a rubber band that threatened to propel her in all sorts of directions.  He kissed her cheek before turning his attention to his son.  Jake’s eyes shimmered on ultra high beams as he stepped in, taking his father’s place as her partner. 

      “You okay?”  he asked, lips against her ear.

      She nodded, unable to even manage a squeak as he pulled her flush against him.  

      “I think this is more than I expected, Violet,”  he continued, his voice hushed.  “I thought we were doing this just to play along with expectations.  To make sure we have no barriers between us and the world.”

      He planted a kiss against her ear before turning them both.  His eyes latched back onto her before he dragged her close once more.

      “You give me yourself so freely, Vi.  Despite it all, you never keep yourself from loving,”  he whispered as he held her tightly.  “I don’t know what I ever did to deserve this… us… you.  You make me a better man because of it.”

      She blushed as he traced his finger tip down her jaw.  Josh bellowed as the pins dropped for the mini bowling.  In their distraction, the group had moved away from the bar to give them privacy.  Their song long over was bouncing into something unexpected.  He kissed her sweetly.  It was a chaos that she had grown accustomed to.  The chaos of his family.  The way her parents just fell into place with them made her smile.  If this was going to be forever, then forever was looking pretty good.

Violet POV - Late September, the following year

     Autumn in Michigan was always to be treasured.  Violet sat on the deck, bundled up with coffee in hand taking in the coolness of the sky and the colorful fire of the trees.  The quiet in her ears was very different from the months on the road.  She had been around the world, working from hotel rooms that resided in France, Italy, Germany and Poland.  Looked across landscapes she had always wanted to see in Denmark, England,Ireland, Japan and Australia.  And she did it all Jake.  Their tour had been a huge success.  She let work take advantage of her being over there, and she was able to visit so many schools and work with different coordinators for the nonprofit.  Her boss had taken to referring to her as Ambassador as she seemed to be able to work with so many personalities across the continents.  

       All the while, she basked in the love of Jacob.  Tour brought out a seriousness in him that she had not really seen.  She learned about the craft and technical aspects that went into a show of their caliper.  She learned the differences between GVF shows and festivals.  She learned to survive interviews and sound checks and every little trip up that could send a show to being postponed or canceled.  

      Downtime was a whole new level of weird as it truly was not ‘downtime’.  The endless presence of cameras was beyond tiresome.  The expectation of Euro Daddy Jake was a welcomed surprise.  There was truly something about Jake being in Europe that just unleashed something.  Of course, having that in her bed each night had also been something.  He truly loved Italy.  Being able to walk with him through ancient squares and gardens gave her another glimpse into the very still waters that was her Jacob.

     Behind the scenes, she treasured time with Jess and Baby Talullah.  Sam had instantly turned into a pile of daddy goo when his little girl arrived in his scene.  She may have been tiny, but she had all the guys absolutely bent to her whim.  

     They had returned to the states for a break.  The stretch would be for four weeks before striking out once more to cross Canada and swing back through the US.  Road weary, Violet was happy to be home.  They had spent a few days in Nashville before retreating up north, seeking out the peace and solitude of the north woods.   Her eyes trailed the tails of blue jays and sparrows playing in the morning sunshine.  The sight of the landscape that she had known her entire existence had taken on a new shine.  Having been to so many beautiful cities and sleepy towns, historic sites and swaths of land that had been seen by millions or only by a few, her home seemed to welcome them back with spectacular jeweled yellows and reds and oranges, catching the cool breeze in a collective song just for them.   

     A faint smile tugged at her mouth as she heard movement in the kitchen behind her.  She repositioned herself to make room on the oversized chair as the slider door opened.

      “There you are,”  Jake said, his voice rough as he padded across the deck barefoot.

      “Hey,”  she whispered, holding out the blanket for him to slide under.

      He set his coffee down before he cozied up to her with a deep kiss.  Violet melted into him as she always did and always would.  Of that, she had no doubt.

      “Connor still sleeping?”  she asked as he lit a smoke to share.

      “In the shower now,”  he answered.  “I think you broke him.”

      “That’s all right,”  she teased.  “I’m sure you made it all better with a good morning snuggle.”

      He laughed as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.  He whispered love into her hair and kissed it into her skin as they settled in - together.

THE MOTHERFUCKING END…

Thank you for hanging in there with me.  The original Neapolitan struck me like lightning and kept me so enthralled through the entire writing.  When A Continuance struck, I thought it would also be like its original and I would just be nothing else but that story.  I allowed my hesitation about the content keep me from letting the story just flow.  I’m not going to complain, though.  I hope that you have enjoyed Jake and Violet as much as I have.  They are such a fixture in my brain and heart.  So, what’s next???  Maybe some one shots.  A little breather.  Maybe.  Or maybe a collaboration that needs to be unleashed (looking at you Britt!).  Either way, I hope you’ll bear with me a little more writing.  Love you guys.

Continuance may be done, but if you'd like to join my tag list for future works you can find it here: tag list

@lvnterninthenight @doodle417 @luverleaver @jakesgrapejuice @fictional-duchess @whitesuitjake @milkgemini @positivegvfthings @songbirds-sweet @streamingcolors-gvf @gretavanbitches @samsurfgreenbass @joshkiszkas-admin @gardensgatedaisy @babyhoneygvfarchive @myownparadise96 @josh-iamyour-mama @starcatchercarol @loveisonaroll @jakesstarlight @myownparadise96 @reesetrippingthelight @kyrose11 @builtby-gvf

#jake kiszka fanfic #jake kiszka x oc #greta van fleet fanfiction #jake gvf fanfic smut #jake gvf smut

[sasster]

Stories yet to Unfold

[Google Doc!]

--

He's surprised, you think, to see you standing before him. In his church. Or at least he would be if he had the capacity to express as much. You always wondered how the Father was able to navigate his emotions on an internal basis. Even when you watched the world through his eyes, past or future, the emotions felt muted. As though Father Roatus operated independently of them, on logic alone. Forget that, now is not the time to be analyzing him, didn't you come here to get help?

Ailzea watches you with steady eyes, obviously studying you just the same. It's easy for him to understand life restored at his hands, with rules he has known since he was a child, harder to consider acts of necromancy performed by outside forces. Is he fascinated with your predicament?

Maybe he doesn't have the answers you are looking for.

What answers are you looking for?

   "Do you feel any different?" He finally asks, his disturbance of the silence a welcome distraction from the pool of agony your thoughts had become. The gentleness of his voice grounds you almost instantly, but it also invites a dull ache to radiate from your heart.

You miss Thanat.

Ailzea does not rush you for an answer, he watches quietly as you adjust to the new weight of a heavy heart.

   "No, uhm." You pipe up with a voice smaller than it's ever been. "Well. At first I couldn't… My powers felt like they were gone. I thought I couldn't use them anymore…"

   "And now?" 

   "Just in my dreams…" You feel broken. “My dreams are visions.”

He nods his understanding.

   "I imagine you were not doing much speaking in the beginning, either."

   "No."

   "Higher functions often take a longer time to be returned, Orfuse. This is normal." He reassures you. There is such a kindness in his eyes, it's almost jarring that the expression does not reach beyond them.

It's a little uncanny.

The Father must sense your relief, he straightens up and folds his hands behind his back. It is only in that moment that you realize he'd adopted more relaxed body language when you appeared to be in distress. 

   "While I do not possess all of the information regarding your revival," His gaze sweeps over you like a blanket, you just about wish you could wrap yourself up in it. "It appears to me that you have been returned to us intact."

   "Father Roatus," You start slowly, gripping at the edge of your jacket to keep yourself grounded as you search for the words that will articulate your fears. "What if I am unable to die now?"

   "My child," says the man that is nearly one hundred sweeps your junior. "You are worried over your mortality?"

Again you nod. It is one of the many worries that make your shoulders feel heavy. You'd come to terms with mortality, your death, by the time you were seven sweeps old.

Eternity is much scarier.

   "Is it my help that you seek in that regard?"

   "I think so? If you don't mind. I'm not trying to take advantage of you. I know your powers are…I just. I'm just."

Ailzea raises a hand, perhaps sensing that you would not stop your apologetic rambling without outside intervention. 

   "You need not explain yourself. I ask only to clarify."

   "Will you help me? Is that okay?"

He does not answer right away, letting another comfortable silence settle between the two of you as he considers. At least you hope he is considering it.

   "Are you not worried that it is too soon?"

   "Too soon?" You ask helplessly, deflating a little.

Obviously he is not obligated to use his powers for you, but a flat out no will have been more satisfactory than what was offered.

   "Orfuse, how long has it been since your return?"

   "Uhm. Just a few weeks." Your voice cracks. Has so much time passed already?

   "I see. May I be honest with you, my friend?" He is leaning toward you again, the pity hiding behind his eyes betrays the neutrality he expresses.

Oh, poor pitiable Orfuse! He is always finding himself in situations. Poor stupid Orfuse! Doesn't even know if he is immortal now. Poor self important Orfuse, beating himself up because he isn't getting his way.

Grow up, Orfuse.

At least he called you friend. 

   "Go ahead." Defeat weaves itself into your voice.

He almost frowns.

   "I think that you have spent enough time and energy focusing on what is out of your control."

You sigh, he does not relent. 

   "How much of your life did you enjoy? What of it were you present for?"

How gentle a chiding, he even rests a hand on your shoulder. It isn't until he gives it a firm squeeze that you find yourself wrapping your arms around him.

Ailzea hugs you back.

   "You will not find peace worrying after the past, nor will it come with fretting the future to come." He pauses, you are so focused on the steadiness of his voice it catches you off guard.

   "It is enough to just simply be."

   "I – I know."

This is not what you expected when you made the decision to visit the House of Restoration.

Do you know what you expected?

You let out a shaky sigh.

   "I know."

#the evocator #the restorer #coko writes sometimes #long post #tldr i want to hug ailzea

[cthulhuswaifu]

dudes i started watching trigun stampede and having seen like half of the og trigun I have many thoughts!!!

unfortunately i am Bad at articulating my thoughts so I will try to list a couple:

The animation feels like what the og show was supposed to feel, yknow??? like the crusty 90s animation was a huge reason I decided to tap out halfway through bc it feels like they wanted a lot of movement but due to budget or just technological limits they weren't able to and it just looked. not good sometimes. I'm not trying to bash the animation and I'm also not an animator so i have no real idea of what the original production was like or what limits they may or may not have had. However! Putting studio orange on the job was a fuckin stroke of genius bc they know their 3d. and what with the frenetic energy the show should have had, the freedom that 3d animation allows for camera movement and whatnot is what the story deserved. Vash's bugs-bunny style character movements look so much more convincing and energetic (listen i love the of ep 1 crab walk too it was delightfully animated but i think the 3d lets them fully encapsulate that scrambling, frantic energy he carries in action scenes). once again i am not an animator and i have not outlined this at all and I'm absolutely not trying to be some credited critic i am just a Guy.

Subpoint!! the depiction of violence/death/destruction works way better. Once again I'm not going to go after the animators for not having the time/budget/whatever to give the violence and death in the story the weight they should have had. However, it is way more convincing and striking and works better with the tone etc etc i put this in after writing the next two points and my root-beer-fueled sugar high is starting to fade rip

I do miss milly, shes a delight, but i think replacing her character with a more jaded and serious one was the right move for this remake. already the tone is diving into the darker themes of the story and having someone like roberto be the voice of reason between him and Meryl matches the tone of the show better than having the more lighthearted dynamic milly and Meryl had in the original. The original took f o r e v e r to touch on the darker themes of vash's backstory and the overall tone was absolutely more on the quirky, comedic side. This worked well for the dynamic-duo-insurance-girls thing but stampede changing both milly's character AND their careers works way better for what the show is going for. like. if meryl and Roberto were still insurance agents trying to keep a handle on vash, that comedic value would have been totally undermined and had to have been scrapped after episode 3. The tonal dissonace would have been too strong and would have totally killed the mood. Milly is still my girl tho i love her with all my being

I do prefer the slower worldbuilding of the original. I understand with the focus on vash's relationship with his brother instead of the story the original focused on means we need more context for his character and the world the characters live in. But i liked vash being a mystery to both the characters and the watchers! it felt cool to see this goofball of a dude just. let down the facade and make us want to wonder who this guy really is, yknow? but again! as i have said many times! stampede is focused on the darkness in vash's story and the world of trigun so it makes total sense that they introduce vash as a tragic character first! and i love it! i love me a good dark story and instead of the "silly dude with a dark backstory who changes tone at the drop of a hat" character the "guy who has seen some shit and still tries to do good and be kind and funny in spite of it" character just works better there.

Anyway as previously stated i am kind of flagging so ill stop there and I'm sure ill have more thoughts later because I just cant be normal about these things

I think both versions have their merits and drawbacks and I'm not trying to say one is objectively better than the other (even if I do prefer stampede bc I'm a hoe for good animation and dark storytelling) so please do not kill me

i wrote this mess instead of studying for midterms pray 4 me

#long post #what can be generously described as media analysis #trigun stampede #i am also a big dummy and my brain is fried from school and school-related stuff so like if I said anything stupid uh #sorry lol

[bilbao-song]

Can you share some of those screenshots from your jeff collection??

djdkfkdkd i mean!!!! sure lmao. this will include nine billion screenshots so i’ll put it behind a read more or whatever (also sorry this took so long but i had to kind of sort through these/make selections/shittily censor names of people who aren’t like. celebrities in their own right)

some notes just so no one can clown on me: most of these are from random internet people; i have a bunch of articles as well but the screenshots here are mmmmostly coming from the comments i’ve managed to hoard over the last few years. i lurk in facebook groups on my fake account and whenever i’m not providing my unsolicited input and dissolving pointless fights between strangers i am screenshotting cute shit. anyway, many (most?) of the non-article anecdotes are ppl who i am like, BASICALLY certain are telling the truth. but there are a few where it’s like…idk. they’re all harmless enough that believing it won’t hurt anyone even if it’s not true lmao but as a general rule yeah yeah yeah people can say whatever they want on the internet, etc., whatever. that’s ur disclaimer

i'm also ANNOYED bc there were a few more i would have liked to include here but apparently i'm not as organized as i thought

anyway!!! yeah half of these are just people talking about meeting him lmao but there are a few things from articles andddd idk. Other Things. but without further ado!!!:

adorable

this guy (in the above screenshot which i didn’t crop properly sjckdkfls) is from the band starbuck, so no shitty censoring for him. there was another thing where he elaborated on the whole story but i may not have screenshotted it? :(

this one just killed me tbh

^ this one is MEAN but also like. cute. poor baby. Random People were like, debating whether or not this is true but i have no idea who this person's Source was so. the world may never know

this whole article is just some silly goose material

okay and the following are ones that come from like. trusted sources lmao

^these two are by the same woman who comments occasionally. it's extremely cute bc she kind of adores him i think. same

this lady tells this story plus a few other lil things pretty often. she's always like "my mother thought he was a lovely boy and he was." my heart. ur mom had good taste

^ THIS ONE in these last two is a confirmed Friend and talks about him a lot. i have so many thoughts re: the first thing but i’m not sure how to articulate that

this one isn't that entertaining but i just thought it was sweet lmao. people were fighting with each other within the group (so like. the usual basically) and i think he kinda misunderstood what was happening. understandable bc half of the people in there seem to be recreationally insufferable. but! oh well very Cute

anyway!! there's definitely more but i don't want to spam too much and some things i just haven't saved unfortunately :( there have been like. multiple stories of ppl hunting him down at his house in the 80s and talking to him for extended periods of time (that sounds sooo unsafe tbh but then again i'm biased bc i will hide if someone rings my doorbell and nobody even knows who i am). those were all very cute and even though that’s kind of a lowkey stalker vibe it does make me like, hmmmm would’ve been nice to be born earlier!

also i have one thing where somebody was like...sharing a post card he apparently sent to their now-deceased relative in the 70s. it was sooo cute but i feel kind of weird about reposting it (even tho it was shared publicly tbh...) but if anyone's eager to see it let me know and i'll send it privately. there are a FEW things of that nature where i'm just like 'this is cute but posting it would seem Weird'

anyway! i hope that was sufficient :^)

#there are a few particular ones i would���ve liked to include but i can’t find them haha :( #anyway #why do multiple of these involve ppl vagueing about bob dylan #jeff lynne #electric light orchestra #elo #anon #e*

[bi-harrymort]

yesterday i listened to the order of the phoenix audiobook while doing some chores and i was stuck on a thought about dumbledore i've had for a while but couldn't really articulate...

when i was a kid i liked him - he reminded me of my grandpa.

when i was a teen i became more critical of him and started to appreciate him as a more grey-area character, rather than what he was (i imagine) intended to be - the good and wise, albeit flawed in some ways, mentor figure.

now each year with each re-read of the books i begin to feel more and more irritated whenever he enters a scene... and i couldn't put my finger on why i felt that way (i put the blame of my irritation on fanfiction - reading about different renditions and interpretations of characters influences how we see them, especially since most of the fanfics i read in the hp fandom are, in the least, dumbledore-critical, if not outright dumbledore bashing)

but yesterday a thought struck me, when i was listening to the chapter of harry's hearing at the ministry, and the thought was that dumbledore, in canon, truly seems extremely cold and emotionless...

(many people have already talked about it, but I guess I wanted to maybe touch on some stuff that is not talked about as often?)

albus dumbledore is always kind, pleasant, composed, and presented in a way that is supposed to give us an impression of a very wise, experienced by life and its sorrows, man.

but i think what happened was that his character ended up becoming the opposite of this image.

for example, let's take his first ever scene in the series:

he meets with mcgonagall, and as they wait for hagrid to arrive with harry, they talk...

"My dear Professor, surely a sensible person like yourself can call him by his name? All this 'You- Know-Who' nonsense - for eleven years I have been trying to persuade people to call him by his proper name: Voldemort." Professor McGonagall flinched, but Dumbledore, who was unsticking two lemon drops, seemed not to notice. "It all gets so confusing if we keep saying 'You-Know-Who.' I have never seen any reason to be frightened of saying Voldemort's name."

this is the first instance in which my teeth started to grind. of course, the dialogue serves as an intoduction: mcgonagall has to tell us - the audience - who and how significant dumbledore is; in the same scene showcasing voldemort's significance.

the powerful and frightening dark lord, and the powerful, benevolent opposing figure of the story.

but, at the same time, when done this way, it presents a very... strange character... for when we look at this scene through the lenses of the fictional world dumbledore is damn well aware why he was never afraid of voldemort, and should understand why everyone else is, right?

this line paints his modesty in a fake light... (not to mention a lack of empathy to understand why people may be afraid of voldemort) a way for him to show how unremarkable he is, while clearly knowing that he isn't, all to get the points for modesty as well.

it's one thing to be modest while being aware that you may be in some ways special, its another to be 'modest' without acknowledging it, in which case you're either really oblivious or not really honest. and given the story, i wouldn't say that dumbledore is presented as an oblivious character - quite the opposite actually, given how he always seems to know everything - more than any other character. so that would leave us with the option number two...

"I know you haven't, said Professor McGonagall, sounding half exasperated, half admiring. "But you're different. Everyone knows you're the only one You-Know- oh, all right, Voldemort, was frightened of." "You flatter me," said Dumbledore calmly. "Voldemort had powers I will never have." "Only because you're too - well - noble to use them." "It's lucky it's dark. I haven't blushed so much since Madam Pomfrey told me she liked my new earmuffs."

why am i rolling my eyes? oh dumbledore, you're so different and awesome and special and noble and good! excuse me i have to throw up.

this happens over and over and over again; save for one or two instances...

but even this i always lumped into a bit of a biased and irrational dislike of a character, and so i didn't think it a sufficient reason to ever bring it up. what did persuade me to write this post is the constant, constant calmness of albus dumbledore.

now, i don't mind passive, calm, composed or, in a similar way, depressed characters. it's all about who they are, what's their backstory, their role in the story, etc.

dumbledore's calmness coupled with all of those other aspects make him into someone very emotionless; emotionless that is veering into ruthlessness. and this trait, we are told and 'shown', is supposed to be the exact opposite of his percieved personality...

he constantly keeps vital information from other people (even if the information pertains to the matters of life-and-death); allows for others (especially children) to fight his battles; shows up only in very critical moments, when he would have had the power to actually prevent some of the events from happening; and is so calm and collected throughout all of the chaos that ensues that he comes off as if he didn't really care about anyone or anything...

he preaches about love and family, and he certainly believes in it to an extent, but his actions and reactions do not fully confirm the truthfulness of his words. he's more like a general of an army - he hates to see his soldiers die, but he's got to let it, he's the only one who knows about the horcruxes - he's the only one who knows how to defeat voldemort once and for all! so he's got to stay in control...

whilst also, in the same breath, preaching about how dangerous having such control is.

telling everyone how he rejects power, claiming he doesn't have it...

whilst being in the position of absolute control.

control that he gained through his knowledge. his intelligence. his fame. his standing in the wizarding world.

he may not be the minister, but the minister heavily relies on him for most of the story... to such an extent that some people don't respect the minister himself. instead they give this respect and power to dumbledore - other witches and wizards treat dumbledore in a way dumbledore claims to reject.

because power isn't only what you do and say. power comes from other people as well. hell, maybe even more so... people give individuals their power.

you may be the smartest and the strongest person in the world and never gain even an ounce of the power that the renowned and celebrated people of the world have.

most of dumbledore's flaws are part of the writing itself - it's a children's book with a child protagonist. he and his teen friends have to save the day...

so, like with voldemort, dumbledore ends up in the limbo between made claims and the 'reality' of the story.

voldemort is powerful, brilliant; a great wizard - whether they love or hate him, other characters always admit that he was great.

dumbledore is also powerful and brilliant; a good man - most characters will confirm it every once in a while, reminding us of this fact.

but that's the issue i guess... or maybe a blessing... the story is what it is, and so when we - the fans - wish to dig deeper, we'll all end up with a thousand different interpretations of the same character, all fuelled by our own, personal understanding of the text, our own personalities and life experiences and our own ways in which we end up interacting with the source material.

so we'll always create unique explanations. some centered solely on the fictional world's perspective, and some combining fiction with the reality of the written book: its genre and possible real-life influences.

the post was supposed to be shorter, but I couldn't leave some of this stuff out... in the middle of writing i considered taking more time before updating and doing more research (maybe even make it into a much bigger project and go through all of dumbledore's scenes in all of the books)... but i decided to table it for another time.

#albus dumbledore meta #hp meta #albus dumbledore critical #I guess: #anti albus dumbledore #although I wouldn't say I hate him - I think he's an interesting character and a lot could be done with him