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cowardnthief · 2 years

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10 actual ADHD study tips

from a student with ADHD

(or if you just have trouble concentrating)

1. put your phone in different room.

no, really. there can be any number of excuses not to (i use it as an alarm/timer, what if there's an emergency, but i use it during breaks) but i guarantee that you will focus better without the ability to check your social media. if you're genuinely worried about missing a phone call, don't put it on silent, and leave it across the room so you can hear it, but make sure it's out of reach.

2. invest in some noise-cancelling or muffling headphones.

they're a life-saver. i use them to help with sensory overloads, but now i wear them pretty much every time i study. regular headphones with some kind of neutral backing noise also work pretty well.

3. don't listen to music.

maybe somewhere, somehow, there exists a person who can actually listen to music and focus, but i've never met one. my adhd means i get distracted by anything. i'm a good multitasker, but not when the task requires lots of thought, like my science or math homework, or that english essay i've been putting off. if science is distracting for you as well, put on a neutral background noise (no, not lo-fi hiphop beats - unless that works for you). i usually put rain sounds or white or brown noise (the latter is my favourite).

4. break big tasks into small chunks.

you've probably heard this one before, but adhd makes tackling big tasks seem really daunting. like, where do you even start? before beginning a massive project, make a list of every little thing you need to do. it might seem stupid or excessive, but i can't stress how much it helps. it also gives you a sense of accomplishment whenever you knock a task off the list.

5. if you know you're gonna procrastinate, try and do it productively.

this one is one i'm still getting used to. i realised, after hours of sitting at my desk, not wanting to start on my essay but not wanting to actively NOT write my essay, and just generally feeling like shit, that it would have been better to spend those hours doing that thing i wanted to do (learn that song on my guitar, finally finish the painting sitting on my desk, write the poem that i had scribbled in my notebook a week ago). if you know you're not going to get started on your work, you might as well do something else that isn't as pressing but you still need to get done. it's okay not to be 100% productive al the time.

6. have a clear workspace.

this is a big one. i found that having a lot of stuff on or around my desk just makes me feel fenced in. i like to have 1 lamp, 1 cup of pens/pencils/highlighters, a cup of tea, tissues, and whatever i'm working on. when you're done with a task, PUT IT AWAY ASAP. that way, it doesn't build up, and you can feel ready to start on the next thing.

6.5. eliminate distractions.

i feel like this relates to the point above, but don't have lots of visible posters/lights/tempting tasks. maybe close your blinds or your door, or study in a library instead of your room if it is too bright and colourful.

7. the pomodoro method (organising your breaks).

LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS. the pomodoro method involves working for a consistent slot of time (usually 25 minutes, but whatever works for you) and then having a short break (5-10 minutes), and then a long break every 2-5 "slots" (15-20 minutes). if you don't trust yourself to stick to a timer, get a cute app on your laptop - there are heaps of different themes, and it will help you organise your time and tasks. instead of thinking about a task like "it will take me 2 hours", think about it like "it will take me 4 slots of time", and it will be much less daunting.

(note: for your breaks, try not to reach for your phone/social media. this is a rabbit hole. maybe draw for a minute, or read a few pages of a book. do something you can easily and quickly put away.)

8. organise yourself, but try not to hyperfixate on it.

apps like notion can be really helpful when organising tasks/your workspace, but they can also suck hours of your time away if you're not careful. not everything has to be perfect/meticulously planned, and you're not working on your homework by planning your weekly schedule. speaking from experience, it's really easy to get caught up in something that may feel productive, but really isn't.

9. this is really niche, but... for my reading-glasses wearers:

WEAR THEM WHEN YOU STUDY. i'm very mildly farsighted, which means wearing glasses when i read for long periods of time helps me prevent headaches. technically, i can go without them, and for a few years i usually did, but i've noticed that wearing them when i study has the benefit of getting me in the right headspace, and also stops me from looking up or around my room too often, as the prescription makes me dizzy when looking at things far away.

10. just get started.

i know you hate hearing this, but usually, knocking one or two things off your list can help you get motivated. often, things that seem really difficult or time consuming aren't as bad once you've gotten started.

good luck!

#gonna be so embarrassed if i post this and no one sees it but eh #i'll use it for myself #ironically i wrote this instead of studying #feel free to rb with your own tips #adhd #actually autistic #study tips #actually adhd #adhd in #neurodivergent #executive dysfunction #living with adhd #adhd post

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bl-bracket · 1 year

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Semifinals: Taekyung (Light On Me) vs Chu Sangwoo (Semantic Error)

[Submitted Reasons Under Cut]

Taekyung: "His sheer honesty in every situation is everything and lowkey how everyone fell in love with him"

Chu Sangwoo: "He's meticulously organized, hates a specific color (red), gets upset when his routine is interrupted, gets compared to computers and robots constantly, has difficulty conveying his true emotions/feelings, can be blunt, is often called antisocial and misses numerous social cues, has rules he's made for himself and faces difficulty when he realizes those rules don't always hold up, comfort item/clothing (wearing his hat, closet full of flannels), prefers to be warned before certain things occur (physical touch, changes in plans), has to practice the delivery of certain thoughts so he doesn't come off as insincere or be misinterpreted, has numerous systems for how to accomplish tasks, cannot work in an environment that is uncomfortable or has distractions (cleaning the studio, telling Choi Yoona to use headphones), special interest (programming, comparing life to processing data and eliminating problems so that things run smoothly), difficulty forming friendships and other relationships, dismisses things that don't follow his line of logic/rules, among all of these traits and more he pulls a bad bitch like Jang Jaeyoung by being exactly himself and any changes he makes are not forced upon him but rather natural and organic occurrences throughout the narrative despite his personal confusion toward said changes."

#bl bracket #bl shows #bl drama #round 4 #semifinals #woo taekyung #light on me #chu sangwoo #semantic error #autism swag

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illumtori · 5 months

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Feedback Loops: The Power of Reflecting on Your Productivity Habits

Have you ever set ambitious goals, brimming with excitement, only to find yourself slipping into old habits a few weeks later. It is a tale as old as time, trying to juggle personal growth with the demands of a fast-paced life. But what if there was a way to constantly make sure we are always on the right track? Enter the feedback loop — an essential tool for those wanting to supercharge their productivity journey. This article sheds light on the magic of feedback loops, and why everyone aiming for success should embrace them.

Understanding Feedback Loops

What is a Feedback Loop?

In simple terms, a feedback loop is a process where the results of an action are used to modify future actions. Think of it like adjusting the volume on your headphones. You press play on a new song, it starts too loudly, so you adjust the volume down. Your action (playing the song) gave you a result (too loud) and you modified your future action (adjusted the volume) based on that feedback.

Positive vs. Negative Feedback Loops

Not all feedback loops are created equal. There are positive and negative feedback loops. A positive feedback loop reinforces a given behavior. For instance, you feel a rush of accomplishment when you complete a task, and are motivated to tackle the next one. This positive feeling and success fuels more positive actions and success.

On the flip side, negative feedback loops work in the opposite direction. Let’s say you procrastinate on a task, leading you to feel guilty. This guilt makes you avoid the task further, leading to more procrastination. It is a downward spiral, and we have all been trapped by it at some point.

Feedback Loops in Everyday Life

These loops are not limited to productivity; they are everywhere. Remember the last time you tried a new recipe, and it turned out too salty? The next time, you probably used less salt. That is a feedback loop in action.

The Role of Feedback Loops in Productivity

Why Feedback Loops are Essential for Growth

Imagine setting out on a road trip without a GPS or map. While the spirit of adventure might be exhilarating at first, the thrill will likely wear off when you find yourself lost. Similarly, our journey towards productivity requires periodic check-ins. These moments of reflection ensure we are heading in the right direction. Feedback loops act as our productivity GPS, guiding us and providing critical adjustments along the way.

Continuous Improvement and Adaptation

The world around us is constantly evolving, especially in the age of technology and innovation. Our goals, environments, and aspirations can change rapidly. By implementing feedback loops in our routines and intentional checkpoints, we can evolve with our shifting landscapes, ensuring that we remain adaptive and resilient.

The Power of Self-Awareness

At the heart of every feedback loop is a moment of self-awareness. When we take a step back to analyze our actions, behaviors, and habits, we empower ourselves to make informed decisions. For the generation that grew up with instant feedback through likes, comments, and shares on social media, translating this into personal productivity can be a game-changer. We transform from passive participants of our lives to active architects of our futures.

Implementing Personal Feedback Loops

Start Small, Think Big

Initiating a personal feedback loop doesn’t mean overhauling your entire routine overnight. Begin by picking one habit or task you want to improve. For example, if you are trying to become a morning person, reflect each day on what helped or hindered that goal. Did you watch too much tv last night? Or perhaps that new meditation app did wonders?

Consistency is Key

A feedback loop only works if it is used consistently. While it is tempting to skip a day or two, especially when things aren’t going well, that is when feedback is most vital. To make it a seamless part of your daily routine, consider setting aside a dedicated time each day — maybe five minutes before bed or during your morning coffee — to reflect.

Pitfalls of Ignoring Feedback

The Trap of Complacency

One of the biggest adversaries we face on our productivity journey is complacency. There is comfort in routine, even if it is not particularly efficient or fulfilling. Ignoring feedback from our actions and results can lead to stagnation. Without intentional course corrections, we can remain stuck in counterproductive habits, leading us to wish for different outcomes while engaging in counterproductive habits.

The Snowball Effect of Negative Loops

As mentioned before, negative feedback loops can spiral out of control if left unchecked. Procrastinating on a task might lead to feelings of guilt, which further demotivates us. Without the awareness and action steps that feedback provides, this cycle can expand to other areas of our life, turning small challenges into seemingly insurmountable obstacles.

Lost Opportunities and Potential

The costs of ignoring feedback aren’t just about maintaining the status quo. Every time we miss an opportunity to refine our approach, we also miss potential growth moments. In an age bursting with opportunities, this can mean overlooked chances to learn, connect, and thrive.

Tips for Effective Feedback Loop Implementation

Be Specific in Your Reflection

While “I didn’t do well today” is a start, it is far more helpful to identify specifics of what did not go well and come up with ideas and actions on how to overcome the problem. Was it that afternoon energy slump? Or perhaps a distracting environment? The more specific your feedback, the more actionable your next steps.

Embrace Both Positive and Negative Feedback

It is tempting to only focus on what went wrong, but recognizing what went right is equally important. Celebrate the small wins. If a particular strategy or habit is serving you well, take note and consider how you can integrate it more into your routine.

Stay Open-Minded

Feedback can sometimes be tough to swallow, especially if it challenges our self-perception or deeply ingrained habits. Approach feedback with an open mind. Remember, it is all for the purpose of growth.

The Broader Picture: Feedback Loops in Team and Organizational Settings

Feedback Loops Beyond the Individual

While personal feedback loops are transformative, the concept scales beyond individual growth. Teams, startups, and even large organizations thrive when feedback loops are ingrained in their culture.

Creating a Feedback-Friendly Culture

Fostering a feedback-rich environment can skyrocket collective productivity. This involves regular check-ins, open communication channels, and an atmosphere where constructive criticism is welcomed and acted upon.

Conclusion

Feedback loops can be powerful allies. They are not about relentless optimization or self-criticism. Instead, they are about self-awareness, growth, and continuously aligning with our ever-evolving goals. Whether you are embarking on a personal project, career journey, or collaborative endeavor, remember the power of reflection and adaptation. Embrace feedback loops, and watch as they unlock doors to productivity and fulfillment.

Follow our Instagram account for your daily dose of fun and inspiration!

Looking for a productivity tool that can help you achieve goals, set budget, and be more productive? Come learn about Illumtori!

#self improvement #100 days of productivity #goals #personal growth #personal development #productivity #achieve your goals #good habits #habits

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ecommercebd · 1 month

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netius · 10 months

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The Ultimate Procrastination Buster: Tips and Tricks for Maximizing Your Time

Procrastination is a common problem that can negatively impact productivity, relationships, and overall well-being. There are effective strategies to overcome procrastination and maximize time. 1. Set Realistic Goals One of the best ways to overcome procrastination is to set realistic goals. Break down larger goals into smaller, more manageable tasks. This creates a sense of accomplishment as each task is completed, which can help you stay motivated and on track to achieve your larger goals. Create a schedule or timeline for completing each task, as this can help you stay organized and focused. Celebrate your successes along the way, no matter how small they may seem. This can help you stay positive and motivated, even when faced with challenges or setbacks. 2. Break Down Tasks into Smaller Steps Breaking down tasks into smaller steps is effective for overcoming procrastination. This makes the task seem less daunting, easier to track progress, and helps identify potential obstacles. Focus on completing each component and feel a sense of accomplishment along the way. This can motivate you to keep going until you reach your ultimate goal. 3. Eliminate Distractions Minimize distractions to avoid procrastination. Turn off your phone, close your email, and work in a quiet place. Set a specific goal and break it into manageable steps. Take regular breaks to recharge. Prioritize tasks by importance. Stay motivated and celebrate small successes. 4. Reward Yourself for Completing Tasks Rewarding yourself for completing tasks is a great way to stay motivated. Small rewards, such as taking a break or watching your favorite TV show, can help you stay on track. Ensure that the reward is appropriate for the task's size. For instance, reward yourself with a weekend trip or a nice dinner out if you complete a big project. If you complete a smaller task, like cleaning your room, reward yourself with a special treat or a movie night with friends. Choosing the right reward can keep you motivated and on track to reach your goals. 5. Use the Five-Minute Rule The five-minute rule can help you overcome procrastination and build momentum by committing to work on a task for just five minutes. Breaking the task down into smaller chunks makes it more manageable. Using the rule can help overcome initial resistance and build motivation gradually, rather than trying to tackle everything all at once. Try using the five-minute rule next time you're feeling overwhelmed or unmotivated to get started and keep going. "Procrastination is the thief of time." Procrastination can be a difficult habit to break, but it's not impossible. By following the strategies outlined in this blog post, you can start overcoming procrastination and maximizing your time. Bonus Tip 1 - Create a More Productive Environment To find an ideal workspace, choose a quiet environment that helps you focus without interruptions. You can also use noise-canceling headphones or a white noise machine to block out any distracting sounds. Ensure that the lighting is adequate and all necessary supplies are within reach. By doing so, you'll create an environment that fosters productivity. Bonus Tip 2 - Change Your Mindset about Procrastination View procrastination as a challenge. Use this as an opportunity to grow and develop by pushing yourself outside your comfort zone. Discover new sources of creativity and inspiration by exploring new ways of working. Don't feel guilty about procrastinating, rise to the challenge and discover your true capabilities. Bonus Tip 3 - Don't be Afraid to Ask for Help Overcoming procrastination is challenging, but there are strategies to help. Seek support from trusted friends, family members, or a therapist. Set small, achievable goals to build momentum and regain control. Remember that progress takes time, and be patient with yourself. By taking small steps and seeking support, you can overcome procrastination and achieve your goals. Read the full article

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loceducate · 1 year

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#workfromhome

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annaizscribbling · 2 years

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Yet another tiny Low Battery snippet. The end of the whole fic is a collection of tiny stories set after the main plot, and some of them can stand alone, and they’re just so sweet so

Remus and Logan bonding.

Can you tell I am a sucker for the sides just being family and supporting each other and dhalisfuailfgpyu

Heads up for some very slightly disturbing imagery, but nothing else I can think of. Mostly just comfort

Logan’s hands flew over the keys of his computer at a pace only few could match, but to him it was as natural as breathing. There was a slim blue pencil tucked behind one ear that he occasionally retrieved to scribble in the open spiral notebook beside him. He was sitting with perfect posture at his desk, now scattered with a few more gifts and knickknacks than before.

A little wooden crow, a pair of slim headphones, some colorful new stationary, a small unicorn plush, a delicate houseplant, and a few mugs that he needed to take back to the kitchen.

He gently lulled in his typing as a new puzzle emerged from the long documents he was editing. Logan’s head took the problem and spun it in his mind, letting it seep deeper as metaphorical gears turned and clicked.

Absently, he lifted the wooden crow to twirl and twist between his fingers as he pondered the issue. It had become a habit for him to fiddle with things, occupying his hands so his head could work. He often noticed Patton doing the same thing so maybe that’s where he got it from. The crow had become the trinket he played with the most.

Soft violin music padded the barren quiet of his often-desolate room, an idea he took from Roman and his own room, with its everlasting Disney covers that played continuously. It was almost always playing now, and it completed the room in his opinion. The golden lights, the hardwood floor, the small bookshelves filled with his favorite novels, it had just needed a creative touch to feel right. The tiny indulgence in the whimsical had made his dwelling more homelike.

Logan kept spinning the wooden crow in his hand, mind whirring steadily. One foot tapped rhythmically beneath the desk.

Then the solution struck him with the fervor of a bolt of lightning and a grin overtook him as he excitedly typed in the information. The rapid clicking of his sharp keys was as rewarding as a cash prize and the high of his small accomplishment fueled him steadily for some time, perhaps a few hours.

His tasks were being breezed through at a productive pace, his mind was being adequately engaged and stimulated, and he was confident that he’d have a day or two off at the end of the week.

It was then that his door creaked open, which was odd, as his door opened quite smoothly. Clunky boots stepped over the threshold without a word. The sharp scent of gasoline breezed into his space. The visitor’s clothes made an assortment of noises, the rough but light tulle and the decorations of his costume were distinct as always and Logan didn’t need to hear a voice to know who was there.

Logan looked up, then found himself looking into the dark chasm that was Remus’ purple bruised eyes.

They stared at each other in silence. Logan took the time to study the duke.

Remus’ teeth were tightly clenched together. His pale face was almost entirely blank. His usually lifeless eyes felt even hollower than normal. His long hands were limp by his sides, no longer buzzing and searching for mischief, no longer seeking to rip and claw at whatever they could find.

Something was wrong.

Logic adjusted his tie.

The darker counterpart of Creativity stared on with the warmth of a tundra.

Logan cleared his throat, “Remus, is there something I can do for you?”

No sign of thought crossed Remus’ features. He simply gazed at him with the dead eyes of a shark.

“Remus?” Logan tried once more, but once again received nothing. He supposed that today was not an easy one for the side, though usually Remus went to his brother for these things. He could summon Roman to handle it, but Remus came to him deliberately, and Remus didn’t make choices without knowing full well what would occur afterwards, he just preferred the most problematic outcome most of the time.

No, Logan decided to respect Remus’ choice. He would do what he could to assist him to the best of his ability.

Like most emotional dilemmas, Logan didn’t exactly have time to prepare for Remus’ arrival, and he hardly had much experience with distracting someone from the full force of an unchecked human psyche, but Logan was nothing if not persistent. He was also experienced at coming up with solutions on the spot, so after a few short seconds of thought, he had an idea.

“If you aren’t busy,” Logan began slowly. “Would you like to assist me in something? I can assure you that it isn’t anything very difficult.”

Remus blinked slowly, eyes unwaveringly fixed on the other side, who was still seated at his desk, now fiddling with the crow again.

Cautiously, Logan decided to take his silence as a positive and proceed. He turned his computer screen off and sat back in his chair. “Would you like to take a seat?”

No response again.

Typically, either Creativity would summon whatever furniture they needed with just a moment notice, but Remus did not seem to be in the mood for that. And though it took quite a bit more effort, Logan thought up a chair for the duke and brought it into existence beside his own office seat.

Summoning an item that large felt as if he had sprinted full speed around the block without pause, but Logan was pleased with the results. It was a simple, sleek, and comfortable looking leather office chair with a high back. He also made sure to include wheels on the bottom, as both twins tended to add those to their own creations.

“Would you like to sit down, Remus?” He offered with a gesture towards the new chair.

Remus crept forward after a minute of tense deliberating. He climbed into the chair and folded his legs beneath himself. He was still glaring aimlessly, and his jaw remained painfully taut.

Logan took the pencil from behind his ear as well as the open notebook from his desk. He extended both objects out to the duke, who accepted them wordlessly.

“Can you draw me something?” Logan asked easily. “It can be whatever you wish. I’ve been wanting to collect some sketches from you and Roman. Patton has been insisting that I decorate my desk some more, and I’d like to pin up some art on my corkboard.” He gestured above, where the large and mostly empty board was tacked to his wall.

A deep, low hum emitted from the duke and Logan wasn’t entirely sure about how he was to interpret it.

Logan gently reached for the pencil currently gripped in Remus’ fist. “You don’t have to draw if you aren’t feeling like it.” He offered and gave the pencil a small tug, but Remus did not release it.

“Alright,” Logan said. “Would you prefer a prompt? Or would you like to surprise me?”

A slow sigh was the only response he got, so Logan continued.

“Perhaps you could draw what’s on your mind? Or maybe something inspired by it.”

Remus didn’t move at first, but eventually, the gentle scratching sound of pencil led against paper began to join the soft classical music. The duke sat in an oddly twisted position with his dark eyes fixed on the paper.

After waiting and monitoring for a few minutes, Logan returned to his own work when Remus appeared to become mostly absorbed in his sketch. He typed as Remus drew and they lapsed into a comfortable quiet.

Logan was interrupted some 30 minutes later when he felt a sharp tug on the end of his tie where Remus had reached over, grabbed it, and licked it for no particular reason. Sure, he could have simply tapped him on the shoulder or spoken to get his attention, but Remus was unorthodox in even the smallest ways. Logic shook him off turned to look at him.

The notebook was thrust in front of Logan’s face, where he blinked and shook himself from his concentration. He gingerly took the paper to study the finished artwork.

The sketch was an intricate piece centering around Remus himself. It was almost disturbingly realistic, with his head being portrayed as splitting open down the side and leaking out a fog of twisted and stretched figures that faded into mist. It was grotesque, detailed, and truly tortured. The details and figures surrounding the edges of the pager were haunting and uncomfortably reminiscent of the side’s room.

Logan smiled at the darker side of creativity. “It’s impressive, Remus. May I keep it?”

Remus chewed on the pointed end of the blue pencil, “Yeah.” He mumbled around the led.

“Thank you very much.” He said as he stood and summoned a neon green tack to proudly pin the sketch to his corkboard.

When he sat back down, he softened, “How are you feeling?” He asked.

Remus shrugged, biting off a chunk of pencil. “Better.” He crunched down on the wood.

“Well, you’re free to go find someone else to spend time with, but you could continue drawing if you’d like.” Logan offered, as he had greatly enjoyed the quiet company

Remus nodded and lifted an arm, raising a full-sized couch beside where they were sitting. He stood up and stretched, his back made a chorus of unnatural pops and cracks as he did. He reached over and grabbed Logan by the back of his collar then sharply yanked him to his feet. Logan yelped but didn’t fight it.

“Only if you draw too.” He said flatly as he dragged Logan to the couch and pushed him onto it.

“Alright, alright.” Logan said begrudgingly, as if he didn’t actually welcome the break.

Remus sat down as well, using most of his body to pin Logic to where he couldn’t get up very easily. He shoved a pad of paper into his hands.

“Draw.” The duke ordered as he settled down, eyes closing comfortably like a cat who just found a patch of sunlight. Logan noted distantly that Remus rarely slept around them, but it seems as if that was the plan.

“I’m not much of an artist.” Logic pointed out as he twirled a new pencil between his fingers.

“Don’t care. If you don’t like it, just start over and let me eat the paper.” Remus mumbled with his eyes still closed.

Logan chuckled and propped himself up enough to see his notebook. “I’ll keep that in mind. Care to provide a prompt for me too?”

Remus opened his eyes lazily; his daggered teeth formed a sharp grin. “Rain.”

#remus sanders #logan sanders #anais writes #my writing #fanfiction #sander sides #thomas sanders

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thefanficmonster · 3 years

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Never Satisfied [Chapter 2]

Corpse Husband x Original Female Character

Warnings: Language

Collaboration between Vy & Ashens 🖤

“this chick is crazy...and I kinda dig it“

It’s been four days since the incident and he’s all but forgotten about it, removed it from his memory entirely as if girls hide from police in his car on a regular basis.

Today is colder than usual, and his body has been quick to respond to the change, aching around the joints. Some days it’s impossible to move, feeling his clothes and sandpaper and housing spikes as joints. Thankfully, today isn’t that bad, the pain is rather manageable. Which checks out well for him, considering he has to do some cleaning around his apartment. His skin itched at the sight of the mess his living space has become over the last few weeks he hasn’t been bothered to pick up the strewn about items or wash the dishes in the sink.

Standing in his living room, he turns in a circle, taking in the disaster that is surrounding him. His chest tightens, throat closing up due to the overwhelmingness of the work he has ahead of him while all he wants to do is hide in his room, under the blankets of his bed that is for sure not willing to offer him much comfort at the moment, seeing as how it too is a mess.

Forget about that! He isn’t sure if his mind is telling him to forget the task he has at hand or the comfort he has in mind. Either way, he knows what the right thing to do is. It may give him anxiety, but it has to be done.

He clenches his jaw and closes his eyes, taking deep measured breaths and exhaling slowly just like his doctor had instructed him to do, in hopes to ease the tension around his lungs.

Calming down a bit, he finally decides to get on with it, starting with the smallest space he has to clean, hoping accomplishing a small victory would fuel his ambition to move onto the actual rooms with a lesser struggle. So, pulling on his favorite hoodie and a beanie over his black curls, he slips out of the front door and down the stairs of his apartment complex with a trash bag in hand. He may hate cleaning, but he hates messes more, therefore it’s an easy call to make. Easy when putting the two in comparison, a struggle when he actually has to get on with the process of cleaning.

With a deep breath as a final ‘You got this’ before action, he unlocks his car doors and looks around its interior. He starts off with the junk in the front - first tending to the passenger seat where he finds a couple plastic bags and a few water bottles. He keeps the area around the driver’s seat clean as can be, so he skips that side. Unfortunately, now he has to turn to the nightmare that is the backseats.

While it may be tame, compared to most, the three paper bags, five disposable coffee cups that he’d dropped to the floor are more than enough to annoy him. He also makes a frustrating find of a hoodie, a few shirts, a hat, and what appears to be a forgotten CVS bag of medication. Much to his dismay, there’s more: handfuls of old receipts that he is now shoving into the garbage bag he has in hand along with straw wrappers, a few stray cold fries dating back to God-knows-when. He sighs, somewhat relieved to see the backseat is doing a lot better now than it was a couple minutes ago, though it’s not even entirely clean just yet. Something catches his eye though - a choker that was probably covered by one of the clothing items he had found. He picks it up, turning it over in his hand. It’s made of soft leather with a gunmetal ”C” and a pentagram embossed on it. It has a leather braided cord on both ends to tie together and no price tag or brand to indicate its origin. He can’t remember buying this...but then again, retail therapy is a thing and it wouldn’t be the first time he forgot a purchase. He gives it one final once-over before shrugging and pocketing it. After collecting the headphones he’d also dumped in the back and retrieving a pair of boots from the trunk, he locks up his car and heads back into the building, mentally preparing himself for facing the terror of cleaning his apartment.

Returning to his place after tossing the trash in the dumpster along the way, Corpse locks the front door behind him and proceeds to drop the things he’s brought back near the front door.

This defeats the purpose of cleaning up in the first place, Corpse. He scolds himself but that’s what it remains at - just a scold. He slips the hoodie off his torso, but pauses when the leather collar falls to the floor. Tossing the clothing item on a dining room chair behind him, he picks up the choker and, without as much as a second thought, places it around his throat just below his Adam’s apple The metal feels cool against his skin and as he ties the leather cords at the back of his neck the corners of his lips curve upwards just a little.

I probably look stupid. He thinks to himself. Corpse tries not to look much at his own reflection, mostly because it’s a reminder of how little sleep he gets with the dark circles and worn out, exhausted eyes staring back at him whenever he looks. But when he catches a glimpse of himself in his peripheral on his way to piss, he admires his reflection, or more so the way the black leather stands out across his pale skin. He’s gotta admit, it looks pretty cool. Edgy. Very urban. Goth maybe? But he still prefers the chains he’s known to wear over chokers.

After doing his business, he starts heading toward his office with the intention of recording a new story for his channel if he manages to find a decent submission - and also to ignore the cleaning he still had to do eventually - when the sound of someone banging on the door of his neighbor’s apartment makes him jump, thinking the sound was coming from his door instead. Being the nosey bitch he is, he creeps to his door, listening to the muffled and almost completely incomprehensible voices from across the hall. The screaming match taking place is making him rather nervous and anxious and as much as he’d rather hide in his room and pretend he never heard or saw anything, he also doesn’t want the altercation to escalate into anything physical.

“You fucking bailed on me!” An angry female shout dominates over the other voice, a male one, that’s quick to follow the previous example with the tone volume.

“You almost got caught, it's not my fault you screwed up!” It’s the male’s turn to shout, his words intriguing Corpse.

Got caught? Screwed up what?

“Fuck you! You don’t just ditch like that! That’s such a dick move!”

Ditched? If it wasn’t for the ‘getting caught’ part I would’ve thought it was a flopped date?

“I wasn’t about to get arrested for your klepto ass! I’m done with your shit!” The male voice takes the upper hand again, and though the female attempts to speak, she’s promptly cut off by the male, “No! No, I said I’m fucking done! Get the fuck out of my apartment!” A loud bang that sounded remarkably like a chair being flipped over made Corpse jump again with his thoughts once again racing to try and make sense of the situation.

Klepto? So she’s a thief. Great. He rolls his eyes, not that he needed a reminder that he lives in a bad neighborhood, but he sure got it. He inhales slowly, finally deciding to check the aftermath in the hallway. Again, it isn’t his business whatsoever, but he can’t rest easy until he knows there isn’t an injured person outside his door right now. He peeks out the peephole before unlocking the door and sticking his head out to see a long haired individual still standing in front of his neighbor’s door. They have their back turned to him and are getting prepared to start banging on the door once again.

“Little scared-ass bitch! I’ll be back for my shit!” She screams, kicking the door to punctuate her point.

This chick is absolutely nuts. Everything in his gut is telling him to turn around and go back inside but his brain’s less-rational side is convincing him to check on her. He carefully steps into the hallway, swallowing nervously as he reaches out to tap her shoulder. “Are um-...you okay?”

The girl whips around, a furious expression on her face. Corpse makes a pause, his eyes widening at the sight of that familiar face.

Holy shit, I know this girl.

Standing in front of him is the girl who leaped into the backseat of his car only a few days ago.

Shit! What are the odds?

She’s wearing a pair of black skinny jeans and a cropped sweatshirt with the quote “Mercury’s in Gatorade or Some Shit” written in bold letters and a solar system around it, with a leather jacket on top.

His mouth dries when he makes a realization...

Oh fuck. She’s way prettier in the natural light instead of that ugly light I saw her in that night.

“Oh hey! Parking lot guy! What are y-...is that my choker?” She interrupts herself, looking closer at the black leather on his pale skin, her brows furrowing. He’d forgotten he was even wearing it to be honest, but she seems to recognize it. “That’s my fucking choker, dude! I’ve been looking everywhere for it!” She reaches up seemingly with the intention of taking it off him, causing his whole body to freeze up.

Finally finding his senses, Corpse takes half a step back, eyes slightly widened, “Woah, hey! Easy there, I’m pretty sure I bought this.” He warns, hands hesitantly held out in front of himself to try and create some distance between them.

She seems not to take the hint at his desire for personal space as she reaches out again, stepping closer. “No, I made it with my own two hands, man! It’s got a C on it for my name - Cora.” She says sharply to the point of anger that honestly frightens him a bit.

He quickly unties the leather straps, removing it from his neck. However, he refuses to give it back so easily as he holds it up out of her reach.

Maybe if it isn’t on me she won’t be all up in his personal space. Yeah, it’s a bit evil, but he didn’t care. Besides, part of him is still mad about the fact she used his car as a hiding spot, shooting his anxiety through the roof in the process.

“I feel like you owe me for those fries you stole last time we saw each other. Make it up to me and I’ll give it back. If it’s even yours, that is...” He says, brows furrowing slightly and eyes narrowing as he takes another step back. “And, you know, for nearly getting me busted by the police for something I wasn’t even a part of.”

Sure, he was talking but her eyes are wandering analyzing him: first the silver chains around his neck that glimmer in the light and his dark hair, strands dangling carelessly as a curtain over his face.

He too finds himself admiring her, memorizing her features better in this light. She has olive skin and sports a little bit of a tan. Stray locks of wavy dark brown hair hang around her ears having come loose from her messy bun. She has earthy brown eyes with flecks of green that he can’t help but stare at, despite their current sharpness. Her right arm is decorated with a few small tattoos: a skull of some sort of animal that appears to be puking flowers; a small cartoon t-rex floating via many colorful balloons and a brain with a spiky spiral in the center of it. She has a single line drawn around her pinky finger on the hand of the other arm and the shadowy silhouette of a forest around her wrist. However, the one thing Corpse could see better than all of that, was she is pissed.

“Gimme my fucking choker back! I paid you for those fries, it’s not my fault you spent them on douchebag lessons!” She snaps, hopping to try and grab his arm.

She is pressed up against him now, a wave of perfume hitting him when she attempts another jump. He holds the choker higher, maybe even subconsciously, just enjoying the warm presence of another body for as long as possible - not that he’d admit that.

Corpse’s brief content comes crashing down as he stumbles backwards when he feels something hard on his hip and her hands grabbing at the front of his shirt.

“Wait-“ He tries to say, but is cut off when a good amount of weight pulls at his jeans. “Oh Fuck!” He rasps out, dropping the choker as he slams onto the floor. In the split second he spared to take a breath, his pants had been yanked down to his knees and his neck was crooked up against his door. He’s now lying on the floor as the girl hovers over him having landed with her hand on top of his head and one leg over his chest while the other is pinning his arm down.

While remaining unmoving under the girl, he takes a moment to let the previous five seconds sink in before replaying them in his mind:

This small woman, Cora she said her name was, had put the boot clad toes of her left foot into the pocket of his baggy jeans to use as a stepping stool. In turn, they were shoved down, effectively pantsing him and tearing the pocket before knocking them both to the floor.

Corpse leans against his door, jeans still around his knees, hair a mess as he watches Cora stand up from where she’d practically tackled him and equip the choker.

“Serves you right.” She sticks her tongue out, tying the piece of jewelry behind her neck. “Now get up before someone calls the cops, we both know what happens then.” She rolls her eyes and bends down, offering her hands to help him up after he situated his trousers.

“Ah-um...I-...” anxiety started reigning in his chest and head as he realized everything that had happened. He takes both her hands and she uses all her weight to pull him up. Her pull was so strong that when he stood up, he had to hold her tight to keep her from falling back. He stabilizes her, maybe a little too hard because her chest collides with his. He apologizes under his breath, releasing her hands quickly. “Don’t people buy dinner first before yanking off their pants?” He snorts, trying to make light of the situation and crossing his arms over his chest. “But then again, you stole my dinner.”

“Are you insinuating I should take off my pants?” She asks with a smirk.

Corpse nearly chokes on his own inhale, eyes wide as he quickly looks away.

Oh my god is she serious? “N-no!” He says, perhaps too quickly. Too loudly. His cheeks turned dark pink as he gapes at her for a moment before furrowing his brows again. He hunches his shoulders a little, doing his best to avoid those sharp hazel eyes.

She’s pretty. Way too pretty for him and now she has him all flustered. This girl has way too much power over the agoraphobic anxiety bundle that is Corpse.

“Oh so you’re insinuating that I should buy you dinner since I took off your pants?” She prompts, eyes narrowing with a delighted little smirk on her face. She has to be enjoying watching him squirm in embarrassment, otherwise, why would she keep asking questions like that? Of course she does. She is like every other girl in his life.

“I’m..-just...Forget it.” He mumbles, shrinking back away from her as he turns to go back inside the safety of his apartment.

She’s probably making fun of me. Great, as if I didn’t have enough self-esteem issues already.

Before he could get inside, a hand grabs his shirt at the small of his back. “Hey, I’m just fucking with you, dude.” She says, giving the shirt’s fabric a tug.

He turns and looks at her with wary eyes, wondering if she was trying to goad him into falling for her taunting again. But the ice in her gaze has melted and she gives him a crooked smile. “Lemme buy you dinner to pay you back. It’s the least I can do after you helped keep my ass out of jail.” She releases his shirt after a brief moment of reluctance and then offers her hand to him for a handshake. “Oh, I should introduce myself, officially this time. I’m Cora.”

Corpse looks at her hand and carefully takes it. She has small hands and his long fingers practically engulfed hers as he shakes it lightly. He gives her his name in return and she smiles that light filled, beaming smile he remembers from the car.

“Nice to, um- meet you, I guess.” He finds himself staring at her, unknowingly still holding her hand in his until she looks up and grins a little wider.

“This seems like a roundabout way to hold my hand, bro. You could have just asked,you know.” She teases, but this time it felt okay, his embarrassment having faded slightly, but he still hurries to look away and release his hold on her.

Corpse murmurs a quick apology, but before he could stick his hand back into the ripped pocket of his jeans, she takes hold of it again, tugging him forward. “Come on, lock your door. I’ll buy you something to eat. You drive though.” She lets go of his hand after a moment and, much to his surprise, he catches himself missing the warmth that it provided him while it was there. Turning, he ducked into his apartment to grab his hoodie and keys, feeling suddenly thankful he’d cleaned his car out.

Taglist: @vixenl @fockingwhore

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lonelyreputation · 4 years

Text

Screaming Color (Soulmate AU) Part ONE Shawn Mendes Writing Circle

A/N: Massive massive thank you to @saysweartogod-og for orchestrating this #ShawnMendesWritingCircle!! 🥳 I’m so excited to be part of this and see where this story goes as a different Shawnblr author will be continuing it!

This is my twist on the classic Soulmate AU trope! 💫🎨💗 Make sure to check out all of the other SMWC stories! And as always, let me know your thoughts! I’d love to hear any form of feed back!!

Thanks a million million for all your support!! It really means the world to me! Love you all lots! 🥰💫💞✨🥺

Warnings: none !

WC: 2.8K

“Don’t worry, Y/n it’s…normal.”

You slumped back against the wicker chair and crossed your arms over your chest, “I’m nearly twenty-two, I shouldn’t be this late of a bloomer.”

You were sitting on a patio of a restaurant eating brunch with your friend, Charlotte, who wanted to try this spot from all the pictures she’d seen of the flowers. When you first walked in, Charlotte let out a gasp as she clutched your wrist, looking around with awe vividly describing everything her eyes traced over.

How you walked under an archway of sunflowers and daffodils––They’re bright yellow, but get a bit orange toward the middle––when you first entered the restaurant. The wisteria, a lavender color––That’s purple––peaked through the holes of the oak cross hatched fence with vines––They’re green––that were intertwined in knots. And when you two were walking to your table, Charlotte couldn’t get over the hydrangeas hanging in terracotta pots from the ceiling––It’s like a mix of lilac and pale blue, but more on the blue side.

It’s so beautiful, Y/n, I wish you could see color.

Color.

In this wonderful surreal world you lived in, a person could only see in various shades of black, grey, and white until they locked eyes with their soulmate. It was a bit bizarre when your parents had the talk with you at seven-years-old. They tried explaining how you just saw a monotone of gray colors, but when you looked into the eyes of your soulmate, your world would be filled with color.

You have to make direct eye contact with them, your mom emphasized, you both have to look into each other’s eyes.

If you catch a glimpse of them, your dad added in, you might be able to see a glimpse of color but it’ll go away if you don’t make eye contact with them.

You thought that was a load of bologna, but when you were ten and someone asked why you were wearing green pants with a purple shirt…You thought that your parents might be onto something. And when you got older, and more of your friends started to see color, it became obvious that you hadn’t looked into the eyes of your soulmate yet.

Charlotte was twenty-three and had been able to see color since she turned sixteen when her soulmate spilled ice-cream on her in the park. And ever since then, she had tried to describe different colors to you whenever she saw something intriguing. It didn’t help very much, considering all you saw was various tones of grays and blacks, but you didn’t want to hurt her feelings and tell her she wasn’t helping.

Once you successfully steered the conversation away from soulmates, brunch was an enjoyable meal. You laughed, gossiped about the people at your internship, and ate your meal with only the occasional mention of color from Charlotte. But when your dishes were cleaned off, and the bill was split in half, you hugged her goodbye and told her you would see her in the office on Monday.

You were walking on the sidewalk to get to your parallel parked car when you felt someone slightly bump into you. It didn’t throw you off your feet, so you didn’t think much of it, but you were still curious as to who brushed passed you. You twisted your head over your shoulder to see the back of someone’s curly hair.

You didn’t think much of it so you turned your head forward and continued to walk. But there was a moment when you looked up at the sky that you were blinded by the brightness of the sun, blinded by a sharp light that didn’t look like the typical gray you saw.

For a second you thought you saw the color yellow.

///

The morning rain was not something you were expecting on the walk to your internship carrying six cups of coffee. Luckily you were only two blocks away from the radio station when it started, but you were able to scan your access card and pushed open the front glass doors, with your hair wet and matted to your head, before the sky opened up and poured rain.

You smiled at the receptionist, took the elevator up to the third floor, and weaved your way through the office until you got to where your internship supervisor, and the rest of the digital team, were located.

“Did you hear?” A very peppy Charlotte ran up to you as you were checking the names of the coffee cups before placing them down on the appropriate desks, ”Shawn Mendes is gonna be here today.”

She gripped your wrist in excitement which, unfortunately, caused some coffee to spill out from the lid and onto your hand.

You hissed at the hot liquid and broke her hold from your wrist to shake away the burning sensation, “His songs are cool.”

Charlotte pulled a tissue out from the box on a desk and handed it over to you, “Word on the street is that he can see color now.”

“That’s nice,” you said with little interest as you tried to dry your hands with the thin material.

“You’re not––Aren’t you just dying to know who brought color into his life?”

“I mean, only a little?” You said over your shoulder as you placed the last cup of coffee on your supervisor's desk and threw out the cardboard drink holders, “But I’d assume he’d want to keep that private.”

“He’s been seen around with some instagram travel influencer, but I hear she won’t let him take pictures of her because he sucks with the camera.”

It wasn’t an uncommon practice for people to have relationships before they met their soulmate, but whenever a celebrity was seen with someone, it always picked up the attention of everyone asking the question if they had met their soulmate or not.

You let out a little chuckle, “Well if they’re soulmates then she’s doing it out of love.”

Charlotte barked out a laugh and agreed, “I have to help Mindy finish her questions for the interview, but I’ll see you sometime after the segment!”

As she skipped off to help with prep questions for the interview, you walked into the tiny office where all of the interns sat. And just like the chatter you heard all along your walk, the interns were only interested in the celebrity guest of the day.

“––Shawn Mendes––”

“––I’m going to try and look into his eyes to see if he’s my soulmate––”

“––Don’t even try, he’s with that Instagrammer––”

“––Doesn’t mean he sees color with her!”

You were sitting in your black rolling chair, trying to block out the gossip with your headphones, but it wasn’t working. With a sigh, you spun your chair around, “Is it really that big of a deal who he sees color with?”

Everyone quieted down and looked over at you. Their stares were burning into you and you slumped further down in the chair, “Like I totally get wanting to know––it’s really fun to talk about––but isn’t that a bit personal?”

“I’m assuming you don’t see color?”

“Not yet,” you sharply replied, not liking the tone in Amanda’s, the other intern, voice, “Do you see color?”

Her smile faltered, “No, that’s why I have to look into Shawn Mendes’s eyes.”

You looked at her with raised eyebrows, not quite believing how delusional she sounded, and didn’t think it was worthy of a response as you spun around in your chair to get back to your assignments.

A few hours went by of light chatter and completing some tasks before Amanda ran into the room, scrambling to get the radio together, “He’s here––I didn’t get to look in his eyes––but he’s here and the interview is in like two minutes.”

All five interns paused their work and rolled their chairs over to crowd around the radio. You missed the intro where Mindy listed a few of Shawn’s recent accomplished chart listings, but it didn’t seem like she was holding back with anything as she dove right in with the pressing topics.

“So, Shawn.”

“Mindy,” Shawn mimicked the way she said his name with a laugh.

“A little birdy told me that someone has brought color into your life.”

There was a pause on the other end as everyone held their breaths awaiting his answer.

“Well––Not exactly,” Amanda let out a cheer and everyone shushed her, “I think I saw blue the other day? On Saturday?”

“So you saw something?” Mindy sounded too giddy as she was the first to get this inside scoop, “And you haven’t seen color before?” It was her way of subtly asking if the instagrammer he had been seen with was his soulmate.

“Never,” he was quick with his answer, “I only saw blue for a split second in the sky, but after that, it went back to gray.”

“How poetic,” Mindy swooned, “Bet you can turn that into a song.”

“I might already have a voice note and a few lyrics down.”

You were more intrigued with Shawn Mendes than you were ever before. He had seen a color––blue––the same day you saw yellow; just a glimpse of it before it turned back to gray. He had the same experience. And while Toronto was a big city, it seemed a little too coincidental that you both saw color for a split second on the same day.

“Okay we’re gonna take a quick break, and when we come back, Shawn will answer some rapid fire questions.” Mindy signed off and the radio transitioned into commercial.

There was a second of silence where all the interns looked at each other before everyone spoke over each other.

“So he’s seen blue––”

“––She’s obviously not his soulmate––”

“––But that means that he’s at least seen whoever his soulmate is from a distance or something or else he wouldn’t have been able to see blue––”

“Y/n!” Your internship supervisor peaked her head into the intern room with a smile, “Would you mind picking up a lunch order? Our hands are a bit tied with Shawn still being on air––Feel free to order whatever you want and put it on the company card.”

You pushed back your chair, happy to have an excuse to leave the gossip circle, “Of course,” you said as you picked up your phone and walked out of the room.

“You’re the best intern,” your supervisor handed you over the company card, “Promise this won’t happen again, you’re such a help and more equipped for actual work.”

Thanking her for her kind words, you decided to take your time walking to the sandwich shop down the street. It took both hands to push the heavy front glass doors open and you looked up to see it was still raining, but only a drizzle. Maybe you wouldn’t be taking your time walking to the sandwich shop after all.

You quickly walked down the street and into the shop, ordering yourself a sandwich. Once your sandwich was made, they added it to the order, and you handed over the company card. You gripped the handles of the large brown bag and shouted a thanks over your shoulder as you hurried out the door.

The sun was shining, the pavement smelled of fresh rain, and to your surprise, the rain had stopped. A small smile graced your lips as you were now able to take your time walking back to the office. When the building where the radio station was headquartered came into view, you were surprised to see a fairly large group of teenage girls waiting outside on the sidewalk.

You politely weaved your way through the crowd, whispering a soft excuse me and a pardon me, I work here and need to get through. But then, all at once, everyone surged forward and started to scream. Between fighting your way through the crowd, and the excessive pushing of the girls, you finally managed to break free.

You breathed out a breath of fresh air when you escaped the crowd, but someone walked into your shoulder hard and caused you to stumble back a bit. A little bit ticked off with how rough they were, you whirled around.

“I’m so sorry––”

But once your eyes connected, his words abruptly stopped and you dropped the bag of sandwiches and salads. Both of you were paralyzed, staring at each other with wide eyes, and that’s when you knew that he saw it too.

The yellow of the sun was familiar; a warmth of bright light shining down on you. The sky––as you heard him describe earlier as blue––seemed so soft with a light wispy streak of peach coloring through the thin white clouds. The buildings were tall, shades of gray you were familiar with, but there was more of a depth to them as you could see the color inside through the windows.

And then you really saw him.

His facial features were sharp, but the rosiness of his cheeks softened up his face. Even the concentrated creases in his forehead had a color that was darker than his slightly tanned skin tone. His lips were pink, slightly parted in shock, just like how you probably looked. You trailed your eyes up to his hair, a lone curl dangling from his hair onto his forehead.

A lot of people have brown hair, you remember being eight and holding your mom's hand walking down the street as she tried to teach you colors without having the ability to see color, you can have different shades of brown; dark to the point where it almost looks black, or as light as a gray shade.

His hair was dark brown, but with the way the sun was shining down on him, his hair was highlighted with swirls of a lighter brown like toffee. There was so much depth with the color of his hair, but then you really looked into his eyes––the two little windows into a person’s soul that granted you the gift of seeing the world in color––you knew exactly what your favorite color was.

His eyes were the same color as his hair, brown, but his eyes held more color than any of the curls of his hair. They were littered with hazel flecks, a few wispy swooshes of golden honey, and a few lines of dark chestnut radiating out from the blacks of his pupils.

You had heard Charlotte ramble on about how boring her brown eyes were and that she wished she had a more interesting coloring like either blue or green. But with staring straight into brown eyes, and finally understanding her talk about eye color, you could not understand why she was so upset with her brown eyes.

“Can you see––”

“Shawn, c’mon,” someone came over and yanked his shoulder back, “We have to go.”

He stumbled back a few feet as he brushed off a person wearing glasses, “I see––”

“Shawn, we have a really tight schedule.”

He kept his eyes locked on you as if he was scared that the color of his new world would disappear like the last time, “What’s your na––”

“Dude,” a boy with red-ish hair pulled him back by his elbow, “the fans are getting too rowdy we need to leave now.”

“My name is––”

Right as you were about to tell him your name, a tall muscular man dressed in all black stepped in between the two of you, cutting off your contact with Shawn. You started panicking, the fear of losing your soulmate now that you’d found him caused a crippling fear deep inside you.

You tried poking your head around the security guard, “Excuse me––”

“Sorry miss, he can’t take any pictures now.”

An aggravated sigh past through your lips, “I know, but he’s my––”

But you weren’t able to get another word out to the security guard explaining how Shawn was your soulmate because he, the boy with red hair, and the guy with glasses were all wrangling Shawn in the car despite him struggling and constantly looking over his shoulder at you.

Just like how instantly color came into your life when you looked into Shawn’s eyes, he was in the van and driving down the street just as fast.

And as you stood on the sidewalk, surrounded by fans screaming––Oh my God, that was really Shawn Mendes––with the bag of lunch still on the pavement, you were transfixed with the world of color that you were now surrounded by.

But you were left without the person who gifted you color.

taglist: @fallinallincurls @alina--jpeg @adelaidestreets @5-seconds-of-mendes @particularnarry @now-that-i-saw-u @turtoix @shawnsmutual @vinylmendes @mendesficsxbombay (send a message via inbox or PM if you want to me added!)

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shortyisweird9 · 3 years

Text

'Lonely ghost serie'

Proposition and Accord-part VII

"Ghoooost! Good noon!"

"Hello!"

You opened your eyes slowly, barely awake from the deep sleep you had. The grogginess in your voice shadowed by the abnormal deepness of the voice changer.

"Hey, ghost."

"Corpse! Always pleased to hear you."

"Always ,ey?" Toast picked what you said in a more suggestive tone, teasing you with it.

"Cut it ,man."

You didn't bite on the trap however.

" Anyway, mind if I bring a friend?"

"Of course!"

"Sure why not."

"Okay,brb."

"So ,Corpse..."

"To early for that ,Toast."

Near the white astronaut Ghost had, a new little one came. It was black with a pair of headphones and a Wall-e companion. On top the name Charon was displayed.

The others started circling the new mate as Corpse's pink character stood unmoved by your side.

"Good evening!" A low and mature voice came from a woman. It didn't had a mechanical effect to it so it was coming in naturally.

"Hiiiii!"

"Hello!"

"Guys this is Andreea, Andreea this is the Peanut gallery."

"Ha,nice. Good to meet you all."

"Likewise."

"You too."

"Your robot is cute." Corpse remarked.

You smirked when your phone immediately lighted up. A message from Andreea written in big bold letters: 'HIS VOICE IS HOT!'

'I know :)))'

"Andreea , you know how to play this game?"

"Y-Yeah ummm..."

"Sykkuno."

"Sykkuno! Yeah, I know me and Y- I mean ghost sometimes play it. "

"You play together?"

"Well yeah, we play Fallout together, sometimes Minecraft even Eyes the horror game. Speaking of which ghost?"

"Yeah?"

"My place tonight?"

You smirked knowing what's to come.

"Time to corrupt another soul?"

You laughed was intentionally made to be interpreted by the others as evil and dark. In the inside you cringed, you sounded so stupid.

"Umm,guys?" Sykkuno asked for clarification, to which he will not receive.

"YOU GUYS LIVE IN THE SAME CITY?" Pooki asked all excited for some reason.

"Yeah?"

"Same city? We leave in the same apartment building." Andreea told ,a pleasant hiss rang as her long nailed hands opened a Pepsi can.

'Cola is better'

'Fuck off, Y/n'

':))🖕'

"That's so cute!"

"I guess,but she's a pain."

"A pain? Moi? Please, I am only in pain not one."

The others chuckled at your shenanigans, the humour between you and Andreea being based in play fighting, cursing each other and bumping as hard as you can into each. Considering how much of a height difference is between you two, everything just gets more interesting.

"Maan,I want to stay in the same building with you guys also." Corpse pouted.

You two sounded really nice to be with, especially you. You were fun to talk witg and your natural voice was a godsend to his anxiety and insomnia. It made him sometimes slip into a blissful sleep,especially when you began reading to him Doom lore in the late hours of the night.

' "The Maykrs' need for the Essence is prime. Without it they must suffer the monstrous fate of Transfiguration, and see their wisdom and faculties slither from their twisted forms. By bidding of the Khan Maykr herself, the Order of the Deag has devised a method to improve and accelerate the production of the Hell aura. What once took eons for the savage beasts to attai...oof. Wait."

Corpse heard you move in the bed, your body getting its pressure off it before settling back in.

He wanted to start to ask you to read again when he was interrupted by the sound of smooching ? You were kissing somebody?

You puffed and smiled as Sergiu bombarded you with another waves of kisses, a tradition in your group. You all were touched starved creatures so you showed your platonic affections through hand holding, sudden hugging, cuddling- sometimes propping your cold feet on the other person's back just to be dickish- and rains of kisses.

Sergiu was the most affectionate out of all of you, the rain of kisses being something that his mother used to do before she left to work. 'A kiss on the forehead to brighten your thinking, two on the cheeks so no one is lonely and one wherever you want.'

"Alright! Alright! I get it, you are leaving!"

You laughed as you pushed the cuddly golden retriver of a man away.

His chains attached to his black leather belt with grey 3d rombes running all over it clicked as it bounced. His hair smudged on the worn out black leather jacket and his face all but a smile. He was happy and you love to see it.

-Vrei ceva? ("You want something?")

-Umm...PIZZA PĂTRATĂ DE LA DEDEMAN ȘI MOUNTAIN DEW.("Um...SQUARE SHAPED PIZZA FROM DEDEMAN AND MOUNTAIN DEW.")

The man laughed at your antics, roughing up your freshly washed hair and closing the door as he left.

"Corpse? You still there buddy?"

Corpse felt a pang in his chest, you sounded like you have much more fun with the other person. He knew it was stupid but he couldn't help feel jealous and worried at the same time. He wanted to be the reason to make you sound so happy and he didn't want to be worried of being replaced anytime soon.

"Corpse? My petit orchid? Are you okay?"

"Y-Yeah,I am fine."

It came out shaky and too abrupt for your liking. Something's wrong and you didn't want to overstep your boundaries but you couldn't let him go about his day while having something munching on his good mood.

"Hey,hey Corpse."

"Yes?"

"Wanna see my cat?"

"YOU HAVE A CAT?"

"Yes,so do you..."

"Hell yeah. I mean...sure I am cool with that."

You shook your head and became giggling, it's good to know you weren't the only one who didn't know how to cover their slip ups.'

"Trust me Corpse. You don't want to live with this anxiety filled owl."

"HEY! My anxiety adds spice."

"Oh my god!"

"Guys, guys. Can we start the game please?"

"Oh for sure."

————————————————————

"Watch out for the wall, ghost. Watch out for--GHOST! Oh shit ,I lost her guys! Ghost, where are you?"

His character ran in desperate search to find you. When it left the snowy environment from outside , it stopped abruptly. You were there in the office with Sykkuno ripped apart body in front of you.

"Oh shit! Sykkuno!"

His thoughts ran wilde as they hurried to reach a consensus. He knew that you will probably kill him also as you waited for those 10 seconds to pass.

His premonition was proven true went you shut the doors of the office , your character moving slowly towards him.

"Ahhh! Guys ,what the hell do I do?"

His eyes clenched shut as his finger hovered the report button.

The sound of a meeting went off,forcing him to let out the breath he's been withholding. His hands shook as he relaxed himself when his friends started discussing aka screaming at each other.

Someone else called in another body.

You held your fingernails between your lips, leg bouncing from the nerves. You knew Corpse will snitch you out,after all you did killed Sykkuno.

I am so fucked...

Your body covered in a white and black hoodie contorted itself into a smaller position.You ignored the pain that your dead thighs were trying to emit while being in a cross position. Head to busy with anxious thoughts of what Corpse may do.

"Phew, Jesus. I am too nervous for this game."

Andreea's words caught you off guard. She nervous? It's more likely than you think.

Your feelings long forgotten as your protective nature sprung out of the shell.

"You? Nervous? Andreea you are a freaking talented tattoo artist."

"It doesn't matter, my hands are sweating like they are the Danube river."

"Wait ,are you a tattoo artist?"

"Yeah ,I am. I started tatto--"

Mission accomplished! Your goal wasn't to comfort, you knew you sucked at that but to distract. To take her mind away from whatever cause her pain ,then to secretly totally not obviously attack the shit of whatever upset her even bad vibes. Fuck them bad vibes! You and your friends are bad bitches not second hand embarrassments.

"It will be nice if I could do henna also but this hoarding gremlin was only calm enough when she did them. So basically it became her summer job."

Ah. Your mind realised she was telling them how you two met.

You wanted to get some henna tattoos, see if you liked the way the look at you. Andrea was just a beginner when you entered the tattoo shop and her life.

You weren't always an anxious person,the situation changed when your math teacher decided to be a bitch and humiliate you for not knowing geometry. Since then you were always out of breath when you spoke in public, always bouncing your leg when stressed , biting off your nails and having a constant dread when it came socialising with others. And when you are a big girl that amplifies considerably.

People are just shallow like that and you learned a long time ago that their intolerance towards you was a THEY problem rather than a YOU problem.

It's hard thought, sometimes their words and disgusted glares burn you from inside out. Make you feel inhuman ,that your anger,sadness and your passion don't mean anything ,that they are not valid, that you cannot be yourself and liked at the same time nevermind seen as a romantic interest.

But I digress, when it came with Andreea ,everything when abnormally smooth, you joked and laughed, bitch about people and so on. You hit off immediately.

So when you wanted to make a bit of cash ,Andreea didn't hesitate to teach you how to do temporary tattooing.

"That's so nice guys,the body was in specimen room by the way." Dave said.

The others for some reason started blaming Rae , you didn't said nothing as you were still waiting with your breath tight for Corpse to rat you out.

"Corpse? Where were you by the way?"

Here comes the expose.

"I ..uh...wait. I was in the storage then I met Sykkuno in the office but left with ghost."

What?

"Ghost? Can you collaborate his story?"

"Yeah , me and him left Sykkuno. I think orange was with him last time we saw. I am done with my tasks by the way."

"What?"

"LUDWIG! HOW DARE YOU KILL SYKKUNO?!" Corpse growled.

You muted yourself as you squealed. You couldn't believe him. He really took your side!

You took a sip of your green tea, patting yourself on the back for being calm and getting back in the game.

————————————————————

"How could you ,Corpse? I trusted you and you stab me behind my back." Sykkuno exclaimed, pout evident in his voice.

"I am sorry Sykkuno..i-it's just...I...uhh.."

Your microphone was not muted this time so when you burst in laughter you dominated the whole discussion. You laughed ugly but happy as you always did, holding your lower abdomen as it clenched muscle you didn't know you have.

"It's NOT funny, ghost!"

"It'S nOt FuNnY, GhOsT! Bwahaha..."

Despite laughing ,deep down you worried you may have offended your new friends? Nah, too early to call them that.

"I think I know why Corpse did what he did." Grease started in a dramatic sober voice.

"You mean cheated on Sykkuno."

Ludwig ignited couple of laughter from the group.

"Yeah. He did it....drumb rolls please. "

Sean provided the suspenseful roll.

"Because he is a SIMP."

"WHAT?"

"No way..."

"You heard me."

The group went wilde. You didn't know what you could say, your mind crazy yet also numb. Poor Corpse.

"Hey, hey. Guys, please calm down. If you want to come for someone, come for my neck."

Your hands flared up into a peaceful backing sign, you knew of Corpse's bad anxiety and you didn't want to cause him distress by bringing the limelight into his face.

"It's alright, ghost. I am a big boy, I can take it."

You tried to keep it short, you really did but your mind wanted to say one more thing.

"Just like you can open foil?"

You heard a breath intake. You lowered your volume, thinking of what he may do.

"I FUCKING HATE FOIL!"

————————————————————

"Tonight was fun." Corpse said after taking a sip of water.

"Yeah, it was."

You watched your dark hair moving in the air as you played with your toes.

"Sorry again for bringing all the...uh...attention on you."

"It's fine,ghost. I know you didn't mean it."

"Y/n."

"What?"

"My name is Y/n."

Ah!

His heart jumped a bit ,you told him your name that means you trust him right. Lily doesn't know your name so he is the first to know. The first to guard this special information.

"Ghost was kinda wearing down,you know?"

"Y-yeah,...uhh..I mean no! Yes? No? Fuck...It's a pretty name,um...Y/n."

You haulted, getting used to him saying your name will take a while.

"Heh,thanks Corpsie."

"Mhmmm, did you have time to think about what I told you?"

Couple of nights ago,Corpse proposed the idea of starting your own Youtube channel. You were hesitant.

"Corpse, I told I don't think people really like me. I think they just like the voice."

"Non sense. You watched our stream?"

"Noo...? Sorry,I didn't really have time to..."

"Hey, it's okay goofball. Anyway,they were asking more videos with you. Maybe some of them like you because of your voice but most of them like you because they like your personality, gh- Y/n."

"Yeah, I guess..."

"Look you don't have to do it if you don't want to. I just feel bad for all the fans that want to talk with you or sometimes I found something funny and I want to send you or tag you. It's stupid I know."

You didn't like the sad tone of his, your heart tightened and your worries worsened.

"I think I am going to sleep. Goodnight, ghost."

"'Night,Corpse."

You were left in the darkness of your room, at the end of the bed with your long fingers reaching towards your knife, your personal fidget spinner. You chew your nail as you moved the blade unconsciously.

Corpse's account:

.ghost added you. Add them back?

————————————————————

Hey,guys!💖💖

Hope you like the seventh part of the serie. I almost went into a writing block with this one.

Anyway, have a nice day!💗💗

Tagged💖💖: @moolujk @magenta-skyline @yikesyikesyikes95 @mythicalamphitrite @yoyoanaria @simonsbluee @cherry-piee @gaysludge @softboiicorpse @heavenly3308

#corpse husband x reader #fanfic #hopefully not cringy #lonely ghost serie

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rosy-wooyoung · 4 years

Text

Angelic devil | k. hongjoong

word count: 2.7k pairing: demon! hongjoong x fem!reader genre: soulmate au, supernatural au [i tried ok i know it’s not good] warnings: mention of potential assault, might cause to cringe bc it goes too fast, doesn’t make a lot of sense, attempts at being funny??? A/N: when i say assault, it’s more like the reader being followed but her destiny is here to save her. also i love joong :( [damn that gif tho 👀]

You’ve always been known to be the lucky girl in town; you could cross the streets without looking and not get run over, you could go out in freezing winter wearing just a t-shirt, finding money on the ground while walking. You've fallen sick once or twice in your entire life, but it was always just a small cold. Nothing could take you down. You worked at the local convenience store and it was time for you to go home, the next person’s shift wasn’t before 6am. You started gathering your belongings, putting money in the cash register as you grabbed food for your breakfast, turning off the lights before locking the main door. You took a deep breath of the fresh morning air and started walking to your student residence, eager to go to bed. The streets were dead asleep, a roaring motor passing another street here and there.

As told before, you had always been the fortunate one. You heard stories from your classmates or friends about being followed at night while coming out of work or a nightclub, sometimes narrowly escaping an assault, a fight, or worse. But you were always astonished to hear about those stories because it never happened to you, and your friends were dumbfounded as well to learn that you never had similar sordid experiences. You were one block away from your home, passing by another student residence and noticed that some lights were still on, probably some fellow college students working hard. You sighed and enjoyed the quietness of the streets, almost finding relief in the darkness surrounding you. Your moment of peace got disturbed by rushed footsteps coming from behind you.

“What are you doing all alone in the dark, pretty girl? Looking for some fun?” you freed an ear from your headphones and frowned, turning around. “Are you talking to me?” you asked, eyes squinting at the man towering you. Maybe your luck was coming to an end tonight and started to prepare yourself for the worst. You stopped your music and put your hands in your sweatshirt’s pocket, cracking your thumb between your fingers. You kept staring at the man, waiting for an answer.

All of a sudden, the man’s eyes widened and took a step back, then another, raising his arms in surrender. You tilted your head and lifted an eyebrow, not understanding his sudden change of behaviour. “Okay, okay! I’m sorry, I’m going,” he said in a trembling voice and started running like his life depended on it. You stood there, bewildered, clearing your throat as you started walking again. You looked behind you to see if someone was scaring them, but you were only met with darkness, a meowing cat chasing a rodent. You safely reached your residence, still confused about the stranger’s behaviour but went to sleep without a second thought.

Something similar happened to you the following week, but it was on the bus this time. A man, who was around your dad’s age, kept staring at you and your chest area, your shirt neckline arriving right under your collarbone. Again, you paused your music to confront the man and cracked your thumb again, adopting the same gestures as the last time something like that happened, hoping that it'd work. You stared at him and noticed that his lustful, bothering look progressively switched to a terrorized one, the man flinching at every single of your movements. He swallowed thickly and looked down, hurriedly pressing on the button to open the door before jumping out of the vehicle and running like a mad man in the opposite direction. You chuckled and shook your head, starting your music again as if nothing happened.

You started to think that cracking your thumb would create a sort of shield or spray an "assaulter repellent" around you. Confessing this idea to your friends would make you look insane, so you stayed quiet, still puzzled about your power. The thing is you didn’t have a superpower. Well, you weren't a superhero, but you were one of the rare ones to be provided with a special ability. Cracking your thumb actually woke someone. Someone living in Hell. Before the birth of a person, there was a fight between a weak angel and a weak devil. Two people that didn’t achieve a lot of things in their past life or became criminals. Of course, criminals went to Hell and the others went to Heaven. The winner of the fight has to look after the newborn. But exceptional things sometimes happen.

One of Lucifer’s sons had to fight a beautiful angel, who accidentally died in a car crash. The mother of the future baby one of them had to protect was going into labour, so they had enough time to fight. But there was a problem. When Lucifer’s son saw the woman in front of him for the first time, he felt something in his chest, torturing him every time he thought about killing her. The angel didn’t understand why he was taking so long to fight. She frowned when she saw the devil shed a bloody tear in front of her.

“I can’t kill you,” he harshly muttered as his tear rolled down his neck and stained his shirt, disturbing the woman in front of him. “Why?” she said in a whisper and immediately put a hand on her mouth, noticing that her words made the devil whimper of pain even more. “Because... you are so... precious, so delicate, beautiful, nothing compared to the women in Hell. You’re… different and I can't corrupt you. I can't bring myself to kill you… Do you feel it?” “Feel what?” “This warmth in my chest, what is it? Please tell me what it is. You had emotions in your life, you can help me.” The woman’s eyes widened, and she started thinking, seeing the pregnant woman nearing the hospital. She needed to be quick. “I don’t know! Attraction, love, pity, desire, what could it be?” The devil looked at the woman and the bloody tear stain on his neck toned down at the mention of one of those words. “Repeat those again, slowly. I think it’s working.” The devil said through gritted teeth, clutching his chest. “Attraction… love… pity... desire?” she hesitantly said, spotting another stain shading off at the second word. She froze and took a step back. “Hold on. You love me?” she gasped as his neck came back to its original colour. “Is it what loves feel like?" the devil was worried, seeing the time run, "please tell me how it feels like.” “Hum… Love shouldn’t hurt but sometimes it does, and it will. It knows no limit, it-it doesn’t feel exhausting. It doesn’t need any of the 5 senses, it’s something that you feel in your heart. It’s when you put your lover before you. It's worrying if they are safe, healthy, and okay. I think it's knowing that they are better and more perfect people out there, but you still choose to love the ones you have. It's not a compromise, it's more like a choice.” The woman explained as the devil got closer to her, feeling a foreign feeling invading his senses. “That’s exactly how I feel about you." he heavily breathed, spotting the woman losing her composure. "You just described the thoughts that appear in my devilish brain when I look at you.” “But aren’t we supposed to fight and kill each other?” the woman's voice trembled, taking a step back, but that only made the devil step closer. “I can’t. It’d kill me too, I sense it,” he said before sealing their lips together.

Passion, love, and lust took over their bodies, forgetting their main duty as they were busy doing something else. The devil looked at the angelic face in front of him and pushed pieces of hair out of her face, capturing her lips again as she groaned. From this union was born a supernatural creature, a boy half-devil, half-angelic. He grew up at the same time as the new-born, who he was attributed to, his parents killed since they didn't accomplish their task. You were the new-born this angelic devil was assigned to and he was the reason for your constant luck and fortune. But you didn’t know that this parallel world existed, you just thought it was fate.

One night, you were doing your homework and mindlessly cracked both of your thumbs at the same time as you stretched your arms above your head while reading an article. You immediately stopped mid-air, scared that something bad might happen and you released your thumbs free. You feel your heart stop when you heard someone clear their throat behind you. You froze on your spot in your chair and took a deep breath before slowly spinning your chair around. You turned on your desk light and turned it to illuminate your bed, gasping. A boy sat on your bed, curiously touching the fluffy material of your comforter. He squinted and shielded his eyes from the light, making eye contact with his piercing red eyes.

“Who… who are you?” your voice was doubtful as you didn’t know who this boy was and what was he doing in your dorm. Fortunately, you lived alone, because you couldn’t bring yourself to explain to your roommate that you invited someone over when it was clearly prohibited. “Me?” his voice surprised you, not expecting it to be this low. “I’m Hongjoong, the demon that takes care of you.” “The- demon? What? The fuck is this madness? Isn’t it supposed to be a guardian angel’s job? Am I cursed?” “Wow, wow, easy with the questions,” he replied as you sunk in your chair. “Don’t be afraid of me, I won’t hurt you. If you die I die too, so what’s the point of hurting you?” “You can feel when I’m in pain?” you asked, your mind blown at his words. “Yes I- ow!” he flinched as you purposefully punched your thigh. “what was that for?” “To see if you were lying.” You said and his eyes darkened. “Why would I- Stop! I’m already suffering enough, you’re so clumsy on the daily!” He stated as you pinched your forearm, slightly snickering.

“Oh really? I didn’t realise,” you shrugged, and he smirked, showing off some bruises on his body, pressing some and you winced, touching the same area on your body. “And the fact that I can walk around the streets in the middle of the night without getting attacked, is it also thanks to you?” he nodded, and you smiled, relieved that you weren’t going crazy. “Since my dad was a devil and my mom an angel, I can be both when you need it. Everything depends on the thumb you decide to crack to summon me. If you crack your left thumb, I'm a demon and if you crack your right thumb, obviously, I become an angel.” You attentively listened to the man in front of you instead of doing your homework, which was completely forgotten on the side. “You always mindlessly crack your right thumb when you’re doing a test, that’s why you correct your answers every time.”

“That’s insane that you can control my mind like that.” You passed a hand in your hair and he laughed, looking as harmless as possible. "I don’t control your mind, I just have a watchful eye on you, but you are also a very special human. I can list a lot of things you do without thinking that summon me," he grinned as you sheepishly smiled, red spreading on your cheeks. “My last question,” you said, a bit more hesitantly this time, “are you also the reason why I’m single? It’s getting pretty lonely down here on Earth,” you mumbled the end of your sentence and Hongjoong felt a pang in his chest.

Why did you have to ask this question?

“Yes,” he admitted, and you sighed, starting to feel a bit mad. “But why?” you mumbled. “I wanna be happy, why do you prevent me from doing so?” “I don't,” he replied, raising his voice, “it’s not my fault if you go to the worst men in town! I protect you by stopping you from dating bad people!” “That’s bullshit!” you suddenly said, your mind going crazy. Nothing made sense and you started to have a headache. You were talking to a supernatural creature, not really sure if he existed or not. How could a demon protect you from people that were meant to be sent where he lived? What was happening? “It’s not nonsense, I'm only telling the truth!” he rambled, crossing his arms on his chest. You turned around and mumbled a small “selfish” before turning around and started reading again. You felt something in your chest area, but you didn’t know what it was.

“Hey, I’m right here and I can hear you,” he sighed, but you ignored him. You were really going crazy. You stared at the window and noticed that he was still here in the reflection, proving you that it wasn’t something you straight coming out of your imagination. “I can hear your thoughts, you’re not going crazy,” “Get out of my mind!” you said as you screamed in your head, Hongjoong flinching at the sudden noise. “Okay, okay, I’m out!” he said as he covered his ears. You stopped and he looked up at you, something changed in his eyes. “There’s also something I didn’t tell you,” he said, and you nodded, preparing yourself to hear something magical or supernatural. “I’m in love with you,” you dropped your pen at his words, eyebrows furrowing, “it was a lie, you were right. I did protect you from bad people in the past, but I prevented you from seeing anyone out of pure selfishness. I wanted you to meet me and fall in love with me, not with someone else.”

That’s what you felt in your chest, his previous words were a lie. You knew that he was lying. You remained silent and started observing him, taking in his facial features. His almond eyes were beautiful, changing colours according to his emotions. When honesty and love appeared, they were light and brown, almost shining despite the darkness of your room. His skin was honey-like and looked as soft as whipped cream, his high nose bringing a soft feature on his face, making him look extremely pretty. He shyly smiled as you continued to stare at him and you smiled too, his beaming face making you fall harder for him. He looked so angelic when he showed happiness and love, his honest eyes almost sending hearts to you. However, he must be terrifying when he's mad, suddenly remembering the two frightened men that could have easily taken advantage of you if you were defenceless.

“Is it possible for a human to date someone like you?” you questioned him, startling him as he was focused on trying to hear your thoughts. He cleared his throat and slowly nodded as if he was unsure about his answer. “I don’t know what will happen to me, but I think it’s possible.” “To you? Why would something happen to only you?” “Because I was assigned to you at your birth. I don’t know if they would consider it as a fail, but I might disappear." You nodded and cracked your right thumb, a sudden halo appearing above his head and you crawled on your bed next to him. He looked so angelic that you cooed, slowly tracing with your finger the details of his cheekbone. Your gesture made him shy and you grabbed his hand, swiftly drawing him closer and kissed his cheek. You deeply inhaled as you felt a warmth spreading in your chest.

“I guess it’s possible, right?” you asked, and he nodded, grabbing your middle and made you fall back on your bed. You circled your arms around your neck and deeply stared in his gorgeous eyes, his shining halo reflecting into his brown orbits. “Let’s make it happen, then,” he suggested and you eagerly nodded, earning a smile from the young man. He licked his lips and grabbed your chin, leaving a soft kiss on your lips. The softest you’ve ever felt in your life. It was feathery and filled with love, bringing you nothing but a smile on your face.

“I think I’m falling for you,” you admitted while giggling and Hongjoong’s face stretched with a smile, only to kiss you again. “Good thing, because I think I’m falling too.”

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buck-nialled · 4 years

Note

Can you write a imagine were Y/N is willies friend and comes to quarantine at his and Niall’s. Niall ends up liking her and willie encourages him to speak to her or something xx

NOTE: so sorry this took so long to post anon its been the course of weeks i have attempted at writing and rewriting this multiple times and i am still a bit unsure about it so if you or any readers would like to give feedback that would be vv appreciated! Also put a lil thing in here for the anon who thought it’d be cool to incorporate my blog name in an imagine so here is to that reader of mine also, enjoy!

Sad Song Addict - N. Horan Imagine

It had been three weeks since you took up the offer of staying with Willie’s flat with him and Niall. At first, you were hesitant, wondering how Willie’s roommate would feel about your unanticipated stay that could last upwards of eighteen months from predictions of the news. The morning you woke up to the news of airlines shutting down and flights being canceled, you began frantically packing up your things in the hotel room you had booked for the week. But your hope and energy were drained by the end of it due to the current situation and the fact that you gained nearly three hours of tossing and turning on the lumpy mattress you “slept” on last night.

Luckily, Willie lived only minutes from the hotel and was calling you with the proposal of a living situation before you could even zip your suitcase closed. You wanted to decline and kept shaking your head in refusal at each argument Willie came up with: which were very logical and irrefutable. You were stable on your feet financially, but not confident enough to book your stay at a hotel for a year. Additionally, most items you packed to keep you “nourished” were a few granola bars and bottled waters.

It was thirty seconds into Willie’s desperate pleas over the phone for you to come to stay with him when you finally caved. It made you feel lucky, almost, to have a person so close (literally and metaphorically) who cares for you enough to offer their living space and all that is offered to you for as long as necessary.

Now, three weeks of the same guest room, same-colored walls, same sheets, and comforter, the same atmosphere; you had your first breakdown. It was minor and could have been much worse had you not opted for a good cry in the shower and rather tear up your temporary living space. Your breathing was shattered, heartbeat erratic and you’re pretty sure more tears leaked from your eyes than they did from the showerhead above you. You were grateful Willie had left for a quick run to the store for food and whatever cleaning supplies could be scavenged, otherwise you knew he would have heard you.

The beating streams of water trickling down your red face was refreshing, but also a bittersweet method to open up your thoughts. You never realized how much one could take for granted. Specifically, those you saw every day or even every month. You missed being able to walk outside and do the simple tasks you once thought to be mundane: like checking the mail or turning on the sprinklers.

Towards the end of your revelations, you did not hide your smallest whimpers, nor the large sobs which all but heaved out of you. You let them slip because it was the closest you’ve achieved to screaming in a while.

Willie may have been out of the house during this point in the night, but his roommate was not. Niall’s room happened to be right beside the bathroom where your unbridled collapse of emotions had taken place. While he twiddled with the pen and blank pages of a journal, something more peculiar had caught his interest. The sounds of your crying only a room over physically pained Niall to listen to. He yearned to block the noises out, even thought about putting on a pair of headphones to keep your privacy, but the guilt inside of him overrode it.

Labeling your relationship with Niall as “friends” would be a stretch. You would call yourselves acquaintances at most. Ironically, Willie was like a brother to you. But whenever you and Niall visited London concurrently, there were two different parties you would both attend too. Out of the two, Willie was your only mutual friend. Therefore, you and Niall exchanged very few words with one another in past gatherings, maybe shared a pint at the same table. But other than that, you never did cross paths with one another.

Despite you living with him now, it seemed as though nothing had changed. Niall helped you bring your bags to the guest room, gave a less than detailed tour of the home, and accepted they would have to cook for three now. As far as Niall knew, Willie was thrilled to be having another friend to stay with him. While Niall did not seem to mind your figure bustling through his house with suitcases, it was much more pleasant than he let on.

Niall learned to be discreet about his emotions over the years and follow a rule to put it all in the notebook for only his eyes. Secretly, he has always been infatuated with you and would be lying if he said a few certain songs on his previous album were not about you.

You would think that having you here in front of him every day would make this upcoming album an easy write. At least the mushy-gushy songs, Niall thought. But the moment you stumbled through the front door, any idea Niall might have had was pushed to the back of his mind. You were all he could think about, but it seemed impossible to put that in the right string of words since the two of you had become closer.

In a physical sense, that is. Though Niall enjoyed the idea of finally having an intimate conversation with you about whatever, and Willie had persuaded him many times to do so, he lacked the courage. If you were interested you would have come up to him first. At least, that was Niall’s logic. That thought then led him down a rabbit hole of unnecessary thoughts of if you ever thought of him as a friend. What was he going to do if you admitted the likeness was not reciprocated. How was he going to get you to admit it?

The unmistakable sound of the bathroom door creaking open has Niall’s ears perking up. Though he was afraid to know if you felt the same about him, he would feel worse to stand idly by and know you were not your happiest. With a content sigh and a disappointed glance at the still-blank pages before him, Niall heaved himself off of his desk chair and emerged from his bedroom.

Traversing down the hallway until he is facing the guest room door, he begins to regret leaving his own. While his mind was screaming to go back and just ignore whatever urge drove him to stand up in the first place, his knuckles beat him and celebrated with a few steady laps to the door.

“Come in.” Your voice was muffled, but Niall could hear your voice, shaky, and congested from the sadness and snot you tried your best to contain upon exiting the shower. Niall entered the room slowly, as though the floors were lined with fragile antiques he best not knock over. As he glanced up, his eyes drank in the sight of your cheeks, puffy and red as you swiped away below your eyes, trying to rid of any evidence of your earlier emotions.

“Hey,” Niall greeted. He gently waltzed over to your figure, sat with your legs crossed on the bed. “May I?” You gave a small nod to Niall, seconds later having him sitting beside you.

“So…watcha doin’?” Niall tries a lighthearted tone of voice but fails miserably. You had suspicions, as if your blazing cheeks were not obvious enough, that Niall knew very well what you were suffering moments before. But now that he had just confirmed it, your cheeks felt that much warmer.

“You heard me, didn’t you?” There was no point in trying to avoid what both of you knew. After this awkward conversation (wherever it would lead) he would probably go tell Willie, who would sit you down and counsel you without your consent.

“Uh, yeah…I just wanted to check up on ya.” His expression was unchanging with its concern. A few moments of silence passed between you two before a small whisper passed you.

“Yeah.” You nod, meeting his eyes. “Just got a little…homesick. Started thinking. Maybe a little too hard.” You laugh a little. “Listening to sad songs in the shower probably didn’t help, either.” Niall hums in agreement, sparing a smile at you.

“You like sad music?” You scoff at this.

“If there was an AA for sad songs, I’d be their biggest supporter.” Your comment made Niall snort through his remark.

“I’d probably be the president.” His challenging statement earned a light raise of your eyebrows.

“Is that so?” Your hand moves over to retrieve your phone. Upon unlocking it and opening your music library, you offer it to Niall with an outstretched arm. “Take a look.”

He scrolled through your library, eyes widening at some songs or artists he assumed you would never know existed. “Wow…you weren’t kidding.” Niall chuckled, recognizing many of the titles listed on your phone screen. After a few more moments it was handed back to you, who had an accomplished smile gracing her face.

“So, what have you been doing?” Niall shifted slightly on the bed, clearing his throat.

“Writing. Or, I should say trying to.” He rolls his eyes, lips twitching downward to a small frown.

“Having a block?” Niall gives an upsetting shake of his head.

“But from what Willie told me, there’s another songwriter under this roof.” He gives you a sly flick of his blue eyes, a hand coming up to scratch the back of his head. It was obvious as to what he was hinting, and with how taken you were for the man, “no” was the last answer he would be getting.

“I am. Were you in need of some of my expertise?”

“Well, it wouldn’t hurt…” Niall shrugs, making you giggle lightly.

“Okay, well—”

“Neither would a date.” He cuts in. It takes a few moments for you to digest the words, and you sat in awe.

“A—I’m sorry, I thought you said—”

“A date? Because I did.” The smirk is climbing up on Niall’s face once again, along with a hopeful gleam overtaking his pair of blues.

“I….”

“Will you go out with me?” Lost for words, the only motion you could perform was a frantic nod. Quickly, you reach over to the bedside table and grab your planner, untouched for the last few weeks in exception to the hour you dedicated to canceling plans and rescheduling other activities for the upcoming months.

“Yeah, what day did you have in mi—” Before you could complete your inquiry, a thin piece of paper fell from the current page in your planner. It was not thin enough to be a plain sheet of paper, nor thick enough to be considered a cardstock or a poster. Niall snatched the object to discern it and flipped it over to reveal a photo.

The polaroid you secretly asked Willie to give you nearly a year ago displayed both you and Niall sat beside each other, laughing over something your awful (and very hazy) memory could not remember. Just when you thought your cheeks were remedied by the flowing conversation between you and Niall, you felt the vicious fire rising to taint them once again.

“This was…that was the night we met, wasn’t it?” Niall questions, baring a bit of tooth at your abashed expression, flailing for any excuse to leave this topic of conversation. Quickly, your hand reached out to snatch the polaroid from his grasp, tucking it safely away in your planner.

“Irrelevant.”

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hayleyarts · 4 years

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Broken Without You (Jasper Hale x OC) | chapter 1

Author’s note: Hello! i don’t normally post that many stories or much on here but I’ve been working on a Jasper Hale fan-fiction to try and redeem him and show my favourite cowboy vamp some love. Anyways, this story contains swears and will have some graphic scenes referring to mental health and past trauma. I’ll give more specific warnings where they apply. Also, each chapter is inspired by some music; so if you want to listen to that particular song while you read, you can but you don’t necessarily have to :)

Summary: Eleanor Rae lives in a town where there are seemingly no secrets, but what happens when a certain vampire takes an interest in her. She’ll soon find out she’s not the only one with secrets. Will he be able to put her broken pieces back together? Can she fix him in return?

Word count: 2334

Read Part 2 Here

Track 01 - Eleanor Rigby by Alice Cooper

Forks, Washington; the rainiest town in the United States. The benefits of living in a rainy town is the fact that the forests nearby are some of the greenest you’ll ever see. The cons of living in a rainy town as small as this one is how there are no secrets; everyone knows everyone for the most part. Therefore, when people see me: Eleanor Rae, they immediately know my back story. Of course, you’re not from Forks, so how would you know who the hell I am, or what my story is.

The Rae family, also known as my mother Cecilia and myself, lives in a small cottage on the edge of town. Our small, 2-bedroom place is just close enough to town to be considered still in Forks, but with the town being so small, you’re simply ten minutes from all needed amenities. One such amenity is the hospital that my mother works at and the high school I’ve been attending for 2 years. At school I’m known as the strange girl with headphones glued to their head. Everyone has stopped trying to talk with me and try to become my friend, because I’m just ‘too weird’. Outcasts in small towns are rare; no secrets are allowed. Thus, why I envied the Cullen family.

The Cullen’s were a family that became the talk of the town since freshman year of high school mostly because they broke the unwritten rule of small towns; they had secrets. No one knew what these secrets were, but everyone knew there was something they were hiding. The patriarch was the best doctor Forks has ever seen; Dr. Carlisle Cullen. He and his wife manage to take care of six adopted teenage kids; who in their right mind would do that to themselves? Their kids are a completely different anomaly. Even though they are all adoptive siblings, they happen to look extremely similar; blemish free complexion, model-like beauty, and this sense of grace that normal teenagers definitely don’t have. The thing that bothers me the most is that after a year or so, everyone stopped paying close attention to the strange family, but I didn’t. I mean, it’s hard not to when they’re all so beautiful, especially the brother with the wavy golden hair that frames his face perfectly. He was the one I was the most drawn to, and I don’t really know why. There was something about his presence that calmed me; God I wanted to talk to him. But how does one speak to someone as gorgeous as Jasper Cullen?

I climb out of my Jeep, my feet planting on the cement of the parking lot. I look up at the building, sighing softly to myself; Junior Year of high school. A lot of people tend to stress about senior year, but to me, junior year is the one that matters. You need to figure yourself out because next year you’re applying for colleges. If you don’t have yourself figured out before senior year, then you’re royally fucked. I take my time to cross the lot before entering the school; the white tiled floor already scuffed from the various footwear. The lockers remained the same, even some of the posters on the walls were the same. The only thing that really seems to change is the people; some with different haircuts or new clothing. Different people smiling and laughing with new friend groups, some people missing because they moved during the summer. Growth spurts from the now sophomores, and then the completely new group of people that no one from the older grades recognized; the new freshmen. The one thing that stayed the same among the students, is no matter how much they laughed and joked with their friends; at the end of the day, we’re all lonely people.

I follow the flow of people as I make my way to my first class of the day: history. I always dreaded history class because of the teachers that usually instruct the class. Why is it that every boring and/or almost ready to retire man teaches history class? If someone exciting taught the class, I might actually like it more. I arrive to the room, flags of various countries littered over the open door and students were already finding their seats. Luckily the seat in the far back corner by the window was vacant; that’s where I always try to sit. I like that seat because its far enough back that if you doze off in class no one really notices, and if you want to zone out rather than listen to the teacher, then you have the window to stare out of.

Once I sit down, I take the time to pull my supplies out of my bag. All I tend to use is a notebook and pens while everyone else pulls out tablets and laptops; call me old-fashioned. I flip to a fresh page in the notebook when a voice pulls me away from my task. The accent clearly southern and extremely polite.

“Excuse me ma’am, is anyone sitting here?” I look up and I’m immediately met with the eyes that resemble the most expensive topaz gems; glittering underneath the fluorescent lights. He raises a brow as he gestures to the desk adjacent to me, “Ma’am?”

“Yeah… sorry,” I blush, snapping out of my daze, “There’s no one sitting there, go ahead.” He smiles at my answer as he makes himself comfortable, or well, as comfortable you can on a plastic chair. He pulls out his own notebook and pens, preparing for the class that’s about to begin. I couldn’t help myself from admiring his movements. His pale hands move with more grace than I could ever; placing the pens gently down on the wood of the desk, making sure they were ready when needed to take notes. My eyes didn’t stop there; they wandered from his hands to his choice of clothing. It’s not every day you get to sit this close to a member of the Cullen family, I plan on taking advantage of this rare moment. His clothing was simple but coordinated; his grey sweater with brown buttons matching the brown colouring of his dress pants. The one thing that stood out was his choice of footwear: cowboy boots. They were legitimate brown and black leather cowboy boots, and damn did they look worn in.

I snap my eyes away from him before he could notice my staring, paying my attention back to the rain falling outside. Its then when Mr. Henderson stomps in the room and slams his folder down on his desk. He seemed about as thrilled about the first day of school as everyone else in this room. He began his lecture the same as every other first day lecture; the expectations of the class, the policies and rules and what he expects from us as students in his class. This isn’t what I dislike about the first day of school, what I hate are the icebreaker activities that the teachers force you to partake in.

“Okay class, for the rest of the period I’m going to have you and someone next to you discuss the answers to these various questions.” His monotone voice explains while handing out a worksheet covered in various questions. Students quickly pair off, some actually participating in the exercise while others begin discussing what they did during the summer.

“Would you like to be my partner?”

I raise a brow at the southern voice breaking my observations, “What?”

“For the exercise?” He mimics my expression.

“Right… sure.” I blush, chuckling awkwardly.

“I’m Jasper, by the way. Jasper Hale.” He smiles politely.

“Hale?”

He chuckles, “Yeah, my sister Rosalie and I kept our last names.”

I nod, taking in the new information. I had no idea that he had a different last name. I always assumed that because they were adopted by Dr. Cullen, they all had the same last name.

“I’m Eleanor… Eleanor Rae.” I smile, turning to face him, “But my mom calls me Ellie.”

“What do your friends call you?” He raises a brow.

“Um… I guess Ellie?” I shrug, “I don’t really have any friends.” I look down at the worksheet, reading through the questions. Most of them were related to history class, some were about life goals, and school related questions.

“You don’t have friends?” I glance up at him as he asks his question, his brows furrowed.

“Not really. I like to be in my own little world I guess.” I shrug, “Kind-of similar to your family in that way.”

“How is that similar to my family?”

“Well, you and your family keep to themselves, so do I.”

He chuckles, shrugging, “I suppose,” He looks down at the questions, reading the first one off, “What are your goals for after school?”

“Um…” I furrow my brows thinking about the question. What are my plans? I haven’t really started thinking about where exactly I’ll be in roughly two years; after graduation and when I’m supposed to have my life figured out. I hope one of my goals for after I graduate would to attend college and take classes in psychology or philosophy; wanting to learn more about myself in the process. Another goal I eventually want to accomplish is leaving this small town; starting a new life in a new town where no one knows who I am, maybe take some time off and travel the world. Of course, I don’t say any of this to him, instead I respond with, “Probably go to college or something. Get good grades, you know?”

He nods, “That’s what the teachers want us to say.” His face slowly forms a smirk, “I feel like there’s more you want to say.”

I roll my eyes, my own face phasing into a smirk, “Maybe,” I lean closer to him, “But I’d like to hear your answer first.”

He chuckles, “Well, one of my goals is to settle down eventually. Find someone who understands me.”

I blink, “How romantic.” I reply sarcastically with a chuckle.

“Don’t judge darlin’.” He chuckles along with me. His pet-name catches me off guard, the southern drawl dripping from the word, “Now, give me your real answer.”

“Well I’d love to travel, and maybe start a new life somewhere.” I shrug, “Some place where no one knows everyone else.” I lean back in my chair, crossing my arms over my chest.

“And you judged my answer.” He raises a brow playfully as I blush.

“Well, both of our answers were cheesy,” I glance back down to the paper with a sigh, “These questions are also lame and cheesy.”

“Then let’s make our own questions.” He retorts, “What…” he pauses to think then continues his question, “What is your favourite movie?”

“Really?”

Jasper laughs, “It’s a valid question. Mine is Pride and Prejudice. Either that or The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.”

I chuckle, thinking about his answers. They’re both older movies, and one an even older novel. To be honest, those movies seem to match him perfectly. He seems like a gentleman kind of guy, and extremely old fashioned in his mannerisms and in the way he speaks. Not only that, but the western matches his god-awful cowboy boots.

“Well, probably Jaws or The Breakfast Club.” I shrug, “I’ve seen both of them too many times to count so they’re probably my favourites.”

He nods at my response, “Both excellent movies. Very different though.”

I blink, “Well, your mood changes therefore the things you enjoy watching or listening to at any given moment doesn’t necessarily stay the same.”

He narrows his eyes at my words. It was like he was surprised by my answer, and that he knew something I didn’t know. He didn’t say anything to my answer, but I could tell he wanted to. He fell silent as the class continues to have their various discussions; his golden eyes shifting from group to group.

“What’s your favourite colour?” His eyes snap back to me at my question.

“It changes all the time.” He smirks, his answer mimicking mine from previously.

“Well what is it today?” I smirk back, raising a brow. I watch as his eyes look around the room, as if to find the answer throughout the room.

After what feels like hours, his eyes finally land on my own, “Probably green.” I blush, looking away from him, letting my dark hair fall in front of my green hued eyes. I didn’t know why he was trying to flirt with me, I mean… I’m me. Why on earth would Jasper Cull–Hale want anything to do with me? “What’s your favourite?” He tries to get me to look back at him.

“Red or burgundy.” I mumble, glancing up at the clock; only five more minutes of class left, and, in this moment, I wasn’t sure if I wanted these last five minutes to last forever, or be finished in seconds. Jasper makes me feel differently and I’m not sure if I can pin-point why.

“Why those?” He raises a brow. I’ve never pondered why I liked the warm colour before. Maybe it was because it symbolized various emotions like passion, love or anger. Maybe I liked the colour red because when I wear red garments of clothing, it complements my pale complexion well. Or maybe it’s because it reminds me of the red flowers in my mother’s garden outside our cottage home; roses, dahlias, and peonies planted in various patterns.

When the bell rang, signalling the end of class, I only then realized that I didn’t answer the question; thinking of an answer quickly as I gather my supplies so I could move to my next class in my schedule, “Probably because it’s familiar.” I mumble as I leave the class. I only take a moment to glance back at him momentarily; seeing his confused expression before I join the sea of other students in the hallway.

#twilight #twilight fanfiction #jasper hale #jasper hale x oc #jasper hale fanfiction #twilight renessaince #twilight reimagined #writing #creative writing #fanfiction #oc

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solarlightsonline · 3 years

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