#honestly even if they do make it explicitly romantic in the spin-off | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theonewiththefanfics · 4 years

Text

You’re My Choice (one-shot)

Synopsys: Soulmate!AU

The only thing that kept Bucky Barnes going through every horrible thing imaginable was the thought of meeting his soulmate. But it wasn’t how he thought it would go. And when Hydra get their hands on him once more, there might not be a second chance.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x f!Reader

Genre: angst, fluffy-ish ending

Warnings: blood, gore, talks of torture, swearing

Word count: 5650

His whole life Bucky Barnes was excited to meet his soulmate – the person whose name he carried with him everywhere he went, their name inscribed on his skin in golden letters right under his heart. He wore it like a proud man would, and never failed to lay a hand over it when he went to sleep.

Even during his HYDRA times, although the word had lost its meaning for they took everything from him, he knew that it must've been special. Whoever this Y/N Y/L/N had been must have meant a lot to him. Luckily for Bucky, HYDRA never went after her. Their asset didn't even know what the words truly meant, so it was one less mess for them to deal with.

They had tried to erase it off his skin, of course. Fire, knives, literally carving out a chunk of his skin, yet the name always grew over the marred tissue. HYDRA gave up after one time where they had dug until they reached the assets ribs to remove the name, but stubbornly it never went away. So, they just decided to wipe him more.

That all came crashing down when Bucky got free. After years of control, he got away and was now on the path to recovery in Wakanda. He didn't try and look for her while he was in hiding. Nobody deserved a life like that. And when he was finally ready to search the history archives of the countless people with the names 'Y/N Y/L/N', Thanos had decided to fuck over the whole universe.

But that was done now. Bucky had gone through hell and back, and for the first time ever, he was ready to fully commit himself to love. Steve couldn't have been happier when Bucky asked him about his soulmate, though the truth wasn't always the easiest to stomach. His heart hurt when he looked at Bucky's hopeful eyes.

The blond shook his head. "You never found her, and there are no records Nat could find that says she was killed. 'M sorry, bud."

"Missed my chance, huh," Bucky gave Steve a tight-lipped smile as a doctor helped Shuri attach a new prototype of his metal arm to his body. "D'ya think she had a good life?"

Steve shrugged giving him a small sway of his head. "Honestly, who knows, Buck. We can only hope that she did. War wasn't kind to anyone."

"Or she couldn't have had a life at all," Shuri stepped in unwrapping Bucky's arm. "Because she wasn't even alive then."

Steve's eyebrows furrowed. "What are you on about?"

"I mean, that may be the reason you didn't meet her in the '40s, mister Barnes," she now addressed the man directly. "It’s because she hadn't been born. Soulmates are supposed to be there for you when you are ready to be with them."

Bucky's eyes widened in disbelief. "You mean she could be alive? Like now?"

The thought that the reason Bucky hadn't found his perfect other half was because she hadn't even been born yet, was something that had never crossed his mind before. And it was true. He understood that you'd only be able to meet them once you were at peace with yourself. As a kid and as a teenager, he had thought that he was the most himself than ever. But maybe he actually hadn't been. And during the war even less so. Had he been cocksure and absolutely had the ladies swooning at his feet – yes. But he hadn’t truly known who he was.

Now, however, he had the chance to start a new life. To be a new person and leave all of the terror and pain behind. Bucky Barnes was finally ready to live for himself.

A small yet hopeful smile came over his face. He was truly ready to find his soulmate.

Shuri had been right, as she was most of the time (except for that one time she had convinced T'Challa that taking Nakia out on a date in the jungle would be romantic, when instead they'd gotten ambushed by poachers with Chitauri tech and had to spend three hours trying to negotiate cause neither were prepared for anything other than a lovely day out, but other than that, she was always right).

***

In fact, Bucky's soulmate was very much so alive. Right as he was being led through the compound which would become his new home, Y/N Y/L/N was feeling all the intense feelings a living person did. For one – it was anger.

"I will slit your throat at night, Samuel," she pointed at the man. "Mark my words, I'll do it."

"Oh, stop overreacting!"

"You completely undermined me! In front of everyone!"

Sam shrugged. "It's not my fault you're so shit at it."

"No! You were just being an absolute dick!"

"All's fair in love and monopoly, sweetheart," he smirked and took a swig from his water bottle.

Y/N pointed at him. "You are just asking for it. You better keep a good watch of your six, because just maybe during the next mission, a stray bullet might be coming your way."

"Y/N Y/L/N, you are the worst loser of all time!" Sam cackled as she flipped him off, stomping into the kitchen to find herself some food.

It was that moment when Bucky with Steve in tow had decided to enter the Avenger's living room. And it was that moment that made the brunet soldier stop dead in his tracks.

It was her. Finally, after years, decades, almost a century of searching, he had found her. Not only was it her name that settled it, but it was also the feeling that rooted itself deep within his chest, an invisible connection that was now made between the two people.

"Y-You're Y/N Y/L/N," he breathed out as a dopey smile stretched over his face. He watched her features as they turned into a frown before she snorted.

"I am…? So what? Who're you?"

This was it. The moment he had waited for his entire life. With one last shuddering breath he composed himself. "I'm James Buchanan Barnes." Her eyes widened at his words. "I'm your soulmate."

But what happened next was not what he had expected. Instead of her mouth widening in a smile and her Y/E/C eyes shining with happiness, her whole body went rigid and she took a step back, shaking her head.

"No. No, you're not. I don't have a soulmate. You have me confused for someone else."

"No," Bucky was adamant, "I don't. It's your name…" he paused for a second. "I've been looking for you for such a long time."

"Then keep fucking looking, because I'm not it!"

The words were laced with as much venom as Y/N could muster up, leaving Bucky stunned, hurt and very much so confused. But he had waited so long for her, he had gone through so much and the only thought, even when he didn't explicitly know it, had been of his soulmate that had kept him going. So, he was not about to give up.

Leaving a frozen Steve behind, Bucky ran after Y/N as fast as he could. He hadn't expected instant love and for her to throw herself into his arms with a desperate kiss upon his lips but it truly hadn’t been that.

His arm wrapped around her wrist making her spin around. Y/E/C eyes blazed, but he met her with a small smile hoping to diffuse some of the tension.

"I -," Bucky gulped. "I know I'm not the ideal person to be stuck with as your soulmate, but could I at least have an expla-"

"Because they're not real," she hissed, ripping her hand away from him. "Soulmates don't exist. Period."

Bucky's palm instantly settled on his chest. "But the name…"

"The name," she seethed, "doesn't mean anything. I. Don't. Have. A. Soulmate."

As quick as a viper Y/N turned around, opened the door to her room and slammed it shut in Bucky's face.

The pain he felt was indescribable. It left Bucky without breath, and his heart twisted by barbed wire. She hadn't outright rejected him, but she had completely rejected soulmates as a whole, and somehow it hurt more.

He could understand if Y/N had no wish to be with him, but he had at least hoped whoever carried his name on their chest would like to get to know him. He wasn't completely recovered, but he was at a point where Bucky felt good enough to make new connections and forge relationships.

The way Y/N had beaten and then ripped apart the notion of soulmates was worse to Bucky. It told him he did have one, and yet he was all alone.

***

To make it worse, Y/N did a marvelous job at avoiding him. At every twist and turn wherever Bucky was, she would disappear. She had become the compounds personal ghost, as most times she floated around for a second to grab a bite or a coffee before fluttering back to her room. But that couldn't last too long.

Unfortunately for Y/N, she was still an Avenger, and Bucky had become an Avenger too, which meant they were now teammates and would have to work together.

Civil didn't even compare to how she treated him. It was ice. Anyone who entered the room with the two, felt as if they had been cut by a blade as sharp as a razor, so the eight-hour flight to the middle of some woods on the outskirts of Poland was not pleasant at all for anyone. Even Natasha was relieved to exit the jet and run into an old KGB den which had been transformed into a HYDRA hideout rather than spend another minute with Y/N trying to glare a hole in the jet’s side, while Bucky looked at her with a heart-broken gaze.

The fighting started off almost immediately, but Bucky wasn't focusing on any of that. Maybe that's why everything got so fucked up so quickly. It was like ever since meeting Y/N, his senses attuned to her and just her, and the fact that she completely ignored him threw him off balance.

He'd made (somewhat) of a peace with the thought that she didn't want to be with him, but that didn't mean anytime he did have the chance to look at her for even a moment, he didn’t take it.

That's what had happened in that second. As his guns flashed and he delivered jaw-dislocating punches, his blue orbs caught the glimpse of Y/N getting hit in the side.

Her body thumped to the ground on her knees with a dull thud, and she released a disgruntled sound. It took him less than a second to turn his rifle to the agents behind her and allow bullets to ricochet in their brains, but that second cost him his concentration.

A blow to Y/N's face with the back of a gun sent her sprawling onto the blood-soaked dirt, but she just used the position to kick the HYDRA goon's knee and hopefully break it in half as the soles of her shoes were lined with vibranium. Another one to the face, and a sickening crunch made her smile, but it dropped as easily as it had morphed onto her lips.

There, not even twenty feet away, Bucky's unconscious body was being dragged away by two HYDRA men, but Y/N didn't have a moment to process what was going on before she was blasted away by a stray ball of energy Wanda had thrown and plunged into darkness.

***

He awoke chained to a wall, half-naked with a pounding head and soreness in his shoulders. Bucky had no clue how much time had passed since the mission; all he knew was that HYDRA, once again, had him. But his time with the psycho organization was much more different than before.

They didn't put his head through a blender as he thought they would. Oh no. They no longer had any use for him. Bucky had failed HYDRA. He had broken free and regained his own thought and will. They wanted to punish him in the cruelest way possible.

After the rejection, Bucky believed he would want Y/N's name off of his body, but as the agent dug the knife deeper into his skin, Bucky willed every bone in his body not to move and hoped every day that Y/N's name would reappear on his skin. She was his last tether to the outside world. He didn't care she hadn't accepted him as her soulmate. All he cared about was having her with him because her name had gotten him through the worst. And she might not love him, but he sure as hell did love her.

Maybe that's why had Y/N rejected him. Bucky knew that he was not an appealing character. Or so he thought of himself. His past was less than pretty, and his brain was mush, not to mention how emotionally unavailable he was, but with a soulmate, he had thought they'd love him no matter what. That was what had been helping him go on – the thought of unconditional love and acceptance. But he had had to have known that's not how the world worked. That he didn't deserve his soulmate. Though that didn't stop his heart from beating for her.

Bucky didn't know how many days or months or years he spent as a captive. All that existed was pain, the damp walls of his cell and his own ragged breathing echoing around him. His eyes were closed as he leaned against the stone, and his shoulders ached as his hands remained chained above his head. They had fed him and given him water, but just the bare minimum. They had no intentions to use him to do their dirty bidding anymore, this was just so he had enough substance so they could have their fun.

The door to his cell creaked open, but Bucky didn't even lift his head from where it had dropped to his chest or open his eyes. He no longer cared about what they did to him. For a second, his eyelashes fluttered, and he saw a silhouette come in view. It was a familiar silhouette; one he saw in his dreams. It was Y/N's form, and he could only imagine her Y/E/C eyes widening at the scene in front of her.

There was blood. There was so much blood Y/N thought she would vomit. Bucky was practically covered in it. He was slumped, torso shivering with a bare chest and only his combat pants had been left on.

But it was a hallucination. Y/N didn't love him, so why the hell would she be here? A calloused palm, roughened by years of fighting, but so unbelievably gentle touched his cheek.

"Bucky?" she lifted his head. "Bucky, can you hear me?"

His eyes fully opened to see her face. He wasn't dreaming. "Y – Y/N?"

Her head whipped back towards the open door, focusing in on the sounds of gunfire that finally invaded Bucky's consciousness. There was fighting going on. The Avengers had come to save him.

"Lower level," Y/N said addressing someone Bucky couldn't see, no doubt one of their teammates through the comms. "He's pretty banged up, but lucid. We're gonna take the East exit."

Bucky didn't try to listen in on whoever responded even though he easily could've. All Bucky did was look at Y/N and take in each of her features. She looked a bit gaunter and more exhausted, like she had only eaten, breathed and drunken stress for only who knows how long. When Y/N met his gaze, his eyes were filled with confusion and what looked like hurt at the messed-up state Y/N was in. "You came for me."

"Of course, I did," she whispered, eyes watering. "We all did."

Bucky's brow furrowed. "You're crying."

"Tears of happiness," Y/N shook her head and gave him a small smile. "I'm gonna get you out of these cuffs, okay?" She didn't make a single move until Bucky gave an affirmative nod.

It took her a bit of time to shimmy the lock and pry open the shackles. She was as tender as possible, as she took hold of Bucky's wrists and helped him lower his hands by his sides, careful of the stiff position he'd been in for so long.

The second she gently rolled his shoulders and felt the skin warm up indicating the serum was re-stitching the muscle back together, she threw her body into his and, by God, did Bucky think it was the best feeling ever. Nothing that had happened before mattered to him. Sure, it still stung and would sting for a while, but having Y/N in his embrace soothed the gash instantly, making it become a dull ache. When he felt her pull back and her gentle palms cup his face, he didn't feel the pain at all.

"How long was I here?"

"Close to a month," she sniffled, pulling away while massaging his shoulders, letting the blood circulate in the joints once more. Well, at least the one that still had any blood vessels running through it.

"Can you stand up?" she asked placing one of his arms over her shoulders to take some of his weight on her.

Bucky grunted and used the wall as leverage to pull himself up, but after that Y/N allowed him to hang onto her.

"Sam and Nat have cleared out as many agents as possible, but we still might have to fight. Stay behind me and close to the walls, please."

Bucky nodded, but still asked for one of her guns. "Gotta have your six covered."

Reluctantly, Y/N handed him one of her weapons. "Stay out of the fire as much as you can. Please."

And then they were off. With Bucky still heavily leaning on Y/N, they made their way through winding hallways that stunk of mould and damp and iron. She didn't even want to think how much of the blood that covered certain rooms was Bucky's, but she just concentrated on getting out.

They had gotten two floors up already with minor hitches, all of which she could handle, and Bucky didn't have to exert himself when they reached the East side of the building.

"Steve, we're coming up on Level 3, we need the door opened," she informed Bucky's friend, and this time he focused in on the answer.

"Wanda has the exit secured," Steve grunted through a punch, "but Tony says they're bringing in reinforcements, so you gotta move fast. Four minutes tops."

"Okay," Y/N sighed and looked at Bucky. "You ready to do this?"

Bucky was going to respond, 'with you by my side I'm ready for anything', but thought better of it. This was not the time. That would come once they were out and back in New York. Right now, they needed to escape first. So, he nodded and took his body off of Y/N's to lean against the wall.

"Unlocking the door in five seconds," Tony counted down, and both Y/N and Bucky readied themselves for the hell that they were about to walk in. They let out deep breaths and raised their guns.

Even though Wanda was there to provide a shield for both of them, Y/N was absolutely floored at the amount of HYDRA agents that had swarmed them. Yes, of course, she knew the place would be extensively guarded especially because they had had Bucky, but it still surprised her.

The battle to get inside had been bad enough, but in the twenty-five minutes it had taken her to locate him and get them out, the number of agents had quadrupled, and it seemed like more were on their way.

In a swift move, Wanda disposed of an oncoming hoard of enemies and rushed over to Bucky to provide him protection.

"Get him to the jet!" Y/N yelled despite her having a comm. Over the commotion, she could barely hear Steve screaming commands.

Somewhere up above Sam cursed, and a piece of debris impaled itself besides Y/N and Bucky.

"Watch where you're throwing shit!" she shouted up at him. "You almost decapitated us!"

Gunfire from behind them made Y/N and Bucky cover their heads as Wanda threw red balls of energy on the advancing enemy. In the blink of an eye, Y/N had pressed two guns into the ex-soldier's hands.

"Buck, go!"

"I'm not leaving you!"

Y/N's eyes flickered over to where the Scarlet Witch stood. She hated herself for even thinking of it, but she had predicted the possibility of Bucky refusing to leave without her.

"Wanda! Do it!"

And then suddenly Bucky was moving. He didn't want to, and he wasn't doing it on his own volition, but Bucky was running. Wanda had made him. Tears streamed down his face as he moved his legs, not only from the immense amount of physical pain but from the thought of leaving Y/N behind and how she had made her friend use her powers to control his body.

Bucky should be angry and disgusted and absolutely enraged as to what Y/N had done, but he couldn't be. All he could do was tremble in exhaustion and fear. He knew she was capable, and he knew her chances of getting out were larger than not, but just the thought of leaving her behind, when he finally had gotten her in whatever shape or form tore him to shreds.

His lungs were on fire, and his muscles screamed at him as Bucky collapsed on the ramp of the quinjet, metal hand over where the ruined skin of his chest had weaved and split back open, Y/N's name still etched in golden letters. A sob racked his body one of relief and pain.

He was out. He was safe and with his family, but everything hurt and ached and stung so much, he couldn't keep his body upright and promptly passed out.

***

Bucky didn't know how long he was unconscious, but it was a soft humming noise that woke him up. Bleary-eyed, he looked at the metal mesh ceiling of the jet, only to realise the humming wasn't the sound the engine was making. It was actually Y/N singing a song.

"You made it out."

Her head snapped back up from where she had been sitting on the ground to meet Bucky's eyes. A nasty gash ran down the left side of her forehead into the hairline. It was bad enough that Bruce had had to stitch it back together and butterfly band-aids didn't help. Not only that, her nose seemed to have swelled a bit, and when Y/N smiled, Bucky noticed the slowness in the movement, and how she tried not to use the right side of her jaw. He could only hope that whoever had delivered the nasty punches and cuts were dead because once Bucky was back on his feet, he was gonna raise some hell.

"Hey," she cooed, smoothing away matted hair from his face. "You're okay. You're safe. We're on the jet back home, and they're gonna fix you right back up. You're gonna be alright."

His eyes closed as Y/N's palm slid down his cheek in a soothing motion. But as quick as it was there, her touch was gone. Instantly his hand reached out to grab at her wrist like he had month ago only this time she didn’t snatch it away.

"Don't leave," he rasped.

"I don't thin-"

"Please," Bucky mumbled squeezing her hand. "Please stay."

For a second, she just looked at him, and his blue eyes. He was looking at the woman with such a soft expression, with such trust and longing, Y/N felt her throat close up. Even after how horrible she had been, he still wanted her near him.

"Okay, Buck," Y/N nodded leaning down to sit on her knees on the floor in front of him. "I'll stay, I promise."

And she did. She didn't leave his side as he was put onto a gurney and wheeled to the med bay, nor did she leave his side when the nurses finally tucked him in on the bed. Instead, Y/N asked Steve to bring her some spare clothes, and she quickly showered and changed in the med-bay's bathroom.

"All of your stuff was in the dirty wash," the blond super soldier said, giving her one of his large sweatshirts and a pair of Tony's sweatpants.

Y/N gave him a small smile. "Thanks. I prefer your guys' clothes anyway."

"Thought you might." Steve put his hands in his pockets. "Want any food? Nat's thinking of ordering take-out. We’ve earned it anyways."

"Is she gonna leave anything for me or is she just offering to buy my food to eat it later herself?"

Steve snorted and shook his head. "I'll make sure to get it before she gets her claws on it."

Y/N smiled. "I'm fine, but thank you for asking. I think I'm gonna go and take a nap in a bit, and maybe have a bit after that." Her eyes flickered over to a peacefully sleeping Bucky. "Don't really wanna leave him."

She heard the blond man sigh. "You don't have to feel guilty about anything."

"I do actually. I did this to him," Y/N bit her lip and closed her eyes.

"No, you didn't," Steve replied putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "But you do need to tell him."

With that, he left the girl sitting by his best friend's hospital bed.

***

When Bucky woke up, he woke up feeling completely and utterly exhausted. His head pounded like crazy, eyes felt itchy and tongue felt like lead in his mouth, not to mention the cotton that was stuffed down his throat.

His hand slid backwards to support his body as he leaned up, but a warm palm pushed him back down onto the bed.

"Hey, hey, don't move too much. I'll get you a glass of water." He heard the words through a haze. It took him a moment to gather his bearings to understand where he was and who was with him.

Y/N took his hands and held the cup to his lips until his fingers wrapped around it, and she was sure he had a tight hold on it.

Bucky gulped down the cold liquid as fast as possible, and, in a split-second, Y/N was back with another one. Only after drinking three more, did he feel somewhat sated, and slowly relaxed back onto the bed.

"How long have I been out?"

"A few hours. Docs needed to stitch you up but they had to sedate you first."

Bucky's eyebrows furrowed. "Why?"

Y/N snorted. " 'Cause you were very high on pain meds, and to quote you – I'm a bad bitch you can't kill me." She bit her lip trying to hide the smile growing. "You need to stop hanging out with Parker and his gang. Soon enough your last words will be a meme."

Bucky gave her a smile. " ‘I'm a bad bitch you can't kill me’ seem quite appropriate."

And when she snorted, Bucky's heart soared as he had succeeded.

"They'd be quite ironic if nothing else."

For a second a silence settled, before Bucky's soft tone broke it.

"Y/N?"

She lifted her head to face him. "Yeah?"

"Can you just tell me… why?"

"I just..." Y/N sighed and huffed. "So many things in my life haven't been my choice. People have always decided in my place ever since I can remember myself, and it got even worse when I started growing up. How I dressed, how I looked... what I thought. My mom was the worst." She let out a bitter chuckle and shook her head. "It was like I was her pet project. 'You have to look a certain way for your soulmate otherwise they'll be embarrassed to have you as one' or 'Do this, do that, otherwise your soulmate won't want to be seen with you'. All-day, every day pretty much since I learned how to walk and talk… all because she couldn't find her own soulmate."

Bucky's eyebrows rose at that, so Y/N explained. "She married a widower. My dad had lost his soulmate to cancer before they ever had kids. A couple of years later, he met my mom… I think he loved her because she looked like her." He didn't need elaboration on that. "And that wasn't fair on her. To compete with a ghost of for the rest of her life, I mean that's just fucking torture… So, when I was born, she took it out on me. I mean, I don't think she saw it that way; I'm actually fairly certain she thought she was doing me a favor, but fuck... the first time I was able to cut and dye my hair the way I wanted to, was when I turned eighteen.”

Their eyes met for a brief second before Y/N lowered them back down onto where her hand rested on Bucky’s bed. “I … I know it doesn't compare to the things you've gone through, but it was hell… Everyone else was making choices I should've been, so when I finally got out, I told myself if there was one thing in my life that will be my choice, it's who I love. Not some bullshit universe picking it for me... Bucky I want you to know, I don't hate the idea of you being my soulmate. Not because it's you, and don't you dare think it's because of your past. If I gave a shit, I wouldn't be sitting here... in fact, after finding out you're my soulmate... I was kinda happy. For the first time in my life, I didn't think it'd be that bad to have a soulmate. You were my dead-crush,” the last part she muttered, and Bucky couldn't help the smile that rose on his chest.

“I was?”

Y/N snorted as did he. “Yeah well, before I knew you weren’t actually dead... But I couldn't step down from my principles. I can't. The thought of this stranger coming in my life and suddenly me having to love them… that's not something I can do."

"I'm sorry," he said looking down at their interlinked hands. "I didn't think it'd be that way… I'm sorry you had to go through that shit."

Y/N shrugged squeezing his hand. " 'S not your fault."

"Still… no one should go through that."

She gave him a small crooked smile. "You've been through worse shit than me."

"Just because someone has it worse, doesn't mean your pain is meaningless," he shook his head. "Just because someone else might be down on the ground but you're still kneeling, doesn't mean it won't take just as much effort to get back up."

Tears brimmed at the edges of Y/N's Y/E/C eyes and she sniffled, shifting in her seat. "Can you show me?" Y/N asked.

Bucky didn't need an explanation of what she wanted, so gently he pulled down the blanket and lifted the hospital gown just past his ribs. Seeing her name on Bucky's skin like that – gold letters defiantly weaving across marred tissue, the name that someone had tried to forcefully remove from his life, the last reminder that he wasn't alone wherever he went, made tears blur her sight.

"I'm sorry," Y/N whispered kissing his palm and resting the one not intertwined with Buckys over where the inscription was. "I'm sorry I was so harsh to you."

"I'm sorry, I sprung this whole thing onto you like that."

" 'S okay," she murmured keeping ahold of Bucky's palm and running her thumb over it.

"Could," he swallowed, "could I see it?"

Y/N released a shaky breath before lifting her shirt up. His name was as smooth as it had been from the very beginning. His metal thumb was cold as it ran over her skin, making goosebumps rise, but she didn't flinch away. Actually, she leaned into the touch if only for a moment. Bucky's hand slipped down her waist after a bit, down her arm and grasped now both of her hands in his.

"Can we take it slow?" Y/N asked. "I-I don't know if I'll be able to love you from the beginning, but I'm willing to try."

"Sweetheart," he placed his palm on her cheek making her look at him. "Soulmates don't have to be romantic. If you don't want me like that, I won't push you… soulmates are meant to be there for one another."

A watery chuckled, escaped Y/N before she shook her head. "I choose you, Bucky… and I'd be honored if you chose me too. Not because we have some magical fucking link between one another but because we want it. I’d love to get to know you."

"I've always chosen you," he said pulling her closer to him and pressing his forehead to hers. "Right from the start. I chose you. I still do."

He saw her whole-body shudder in relief, and she threw him a wide smile, sniffling a bit.

" 'C 'mere," Bucky mumbled and scooted in his bed making room for Y/N. She didn't protest. Instead, she laid down next to him on the bed, head on his left shoulder and her hand resting on his chest where his heart steadily beat. Right, where her name was. Bucky placed his own hand over hers and closed his eyes letting sleep take over him once again.

And in a way, the feeling of being chosen was so much better than simply being accepted by his soulmate. This meant that Y/N had consciously decided to care for him, to have him in her life and maybe at some point would even love him. All because she wanted to.

Tags (crossed out wouldn’t take):

Bucky tag list: @thunderous-flower @who-cares-rn @projectxhappiness @callmebucky-doll @coal000 @killuaenthusiast @courtneychicken @sophiealiice @raquelbc2003 @watch-out-for-thorns @potentially-kinetic @thatonegirljessy99 @proxinge @bbkenna @buckysclub @ulired @fangirlofeverythingbasically @mrsalh32611 @horrorx570ximagines @the-nargles-made-me-do-it @pooslie @itsisabelanotisabella @httpmcrvel @purplebananatragedy @pxrrishly @parker-barnes-af @skulliebythesea @california-grown @stevehesaidabadlanguageword @belongsto-prachi @hello-i-am-insane @its-nott-my-problem @emmalbg

Forever tags: @lumelgy @palaiasaurus64 @supernaturalbaesduh @breezy1415 @crazy--me @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sea040561 @staryeyedgirl @deathbyarabbit @s-c-a-r-e-d-po-t-t-e-r @reblogger-not-a-blogger @m-a-t-91 @dalilx @i-need-a-hero-i-need-a-loki @maladaptive-ninja-returns @averyrogers83 @in-the-end-im-still-trash @gallifreyansass @dewy-biitch @avxgers @unlikelygalaxygiver @magicwithaknife @ollyoxenfrees @bnhvrdy @tvwhoresblog @celebsimagines @thatkindofgurl @sj-thefan @teenwolflover28

Marvel tags: @nerissa98 @happyseagrill @asguardiansoftheavengers @crazybutconfidentaf @wishingforahome @pizzarollpatrol @desir-ae

A/N: My tags are always open :)

What did ya think?

P.S. I don’t accept requests.

P.S.S. Please don’t plagiarise my work or repost it onto other mediums without my express written permission.

421 notes · View notes

loreolympusanalysisforfunsies · 3 years

Text

How to put this-

What are the ethics of using queer coded characters and themes in a narrative that has no explicitly queer characters?

Welp, that question can be asked of many stories in media. Like, a metric shit ton. A lot. But since Lore Olympus is the flavour of the week (month? year?) for my brain, that's what I'll be applying this question to. And right away, asap, I'm talking critically about Lore Olympus. Critically as in taking a subject and thinking about what themes are in it and what those themes mean to me as a reader, not critically as in badmouthing it. Also, I'm no expert and I've only read my favourite chapters fifty million times, the other chapters maybe three times. So there's stuff I could have missed, please feel free to correct me. Also also I will be using the word queer a lot because that's what I am and what I'm talking about.

Just wanted to make that crystal queer.

Alrighty, queer-coded characters in Lore Olympus. Hello Eros, nice to be talking about you again. He's a fan favourite for some pretty good reasons. Compelling romantic sideplot, clear adversary to the asshat, and he's just plain fun. There can be plenty of heavy content when he's around, but he's also the guy that lightens the mood. Some of the faces he makes-fucking priceless. And hoo boy does he come off as the gay best friend. Romantic advice, shopping trips, make overs, the squeeing, those are some very old tropes. But he's not the gay best friend. Or at least, so vaguely bi/pan/etc that it can be written off as none of the above. The only hint we get that he's not straight is that orgy mentioned waaay back in the beginning. After that we get his backstory with Psyche and no mention of other interests since. The gay best friend trope was made when hollywood and equivalents stopped being quite so nasty to the LGBTQ+ community, but not quite to the point of queer positivity. It took signifiers that were used maliciously in the past (feminine aspects and interests) and put a humerous spin on them. Ah look, it's a guy that can expertly apply make up, how funny and nonthreatening he is. Maybe it was that funny and nonthreatening bit that the author was going for. Both Persephone and the readers just endured some pretty awful shit, so here's a new person for her support system that isn't threatening at all and brings along some lighter atmosphere. Super flamboyant and never shown to be sexually attracted to her-that's perfect, in you go.

And honestly, seeing a man that's in a relationship with a woman whose also in touch with his emotions and feminine side, that's pretty great. But it comes in a narrative completely without queer characters. When I first saw him I was pretty sure he was a stereotype. Now that I know he isn't, I feel mixed. Straight dudes should be able to be soft. But a story with so many characters, that talks seriously about their complicated inner lives, with all these romantic relationships, all that with no queer representation? Ehhhhhhh-

Getting to the endpoint a little early there, so onto the other queer coded characters. Most notable are Athena and Artemis. Athena is very androgynous in her design. And Artemis has a very telling moment with Persephone in which she tries to push the conversation away from the danger zone of her personal feelings. A loud, embarrassed exclamation that she isn't attracted to anyone? Yeah I've seen that one before. And here's where I'd like to think somewhat positively, because this is going somewhere. It might just be a similar line as Persephone, being torn about her membership with the eternal maidens. Or Lore Olympus Artemis may very well be a lesbian or asexual as her mythic counterpart has been. There's a lot of potential in her storyline.

Heck, there's a lot of potential all over this story. Greek mythology is filled to the brim with LGBTQ+ people. Skip Zeus and Apollo, because fuck those guys. We've got Achilles and Patroclus as the most well-known, but to be fair the mortals don't heavily feature in this one. Athena was bi, Hermes was bi, Dionysus isn't born yet but again, super bi. Aphrodite and Poseidon are both in open relationships within the story, and oh hey bi the way in the myths. Just saying, the greeks were very very gay.

But even if they weren't. Guess what. When you write a story of your very own, you can make your characters be anything. Case and point with Hera. This is a very, very different version of Hera. Sure, she can be capricious and act on a whim. But this isn't the same goddess that committed cruelties against women that Zeus forced himself on. At least to our knowledge. Nerp, this author has reinterpreted her to be a very sympathetic woman, and that's without changing what she went through. Hera was always someone that endured a lot of crap from her husband, but I didn't feel bad for her when I read her stories in class because hey, she was a vindictive shrew. By changing the patriarchal perspective that has some pretty strong opinions on women scorned, to the perspective of a woman author sympathetic to the woman character who is constantly shit on by everyone around her, the author has improved on the original subject material. Change, it's a good thing.

Ok, queer themes. Again I'd like to make a point right away, and the point here is the themes I'm about to talk about don't just affect queer people. These are lived experiences for many. But being kept naive of an outside world, being unable to explore your sexuality, people trying to override you when you tell them what's best for you and your body, are all things that deeply affect the queer community. There's a very good reason this fandom has so many LGBTQ+ members. Many moments in this story are affirming to us, and that's a good thing. This story also has a lot to say about gender roles. Persephone is the most recent of women that people are looking to use for their own selfish advancement. Hera has a very powerful line about sacrificing her power and potential to make Zeus feel comfortable and happy. And boy is that a line that fits millions of women and afabs throughout history. Making people comfortable by keeping a part of yourself shoved down, whether it's your ability in a field of work or your identity. Or maybe your disability. Or your religion. Your background. Lore Olympus hits pretty hard with a very real feeling of sacrificing bits of yourself to make what people see more palatable, easier for them to deal with. Hera and Persephone have breakdowns over these forced versions of themselves, the facade that's too much to keep up.

These problems don't exist in a bubble. They are problems that weave through many different subcultures and peoples. And unfortunately, some affected people can be excluded when such problems are addressed. I don't think the author decided to be exclusive on purpose. The kindest interpretation is that this simply isn't something that affected her directly, so she either didn't think to include it or didn't feel comfortable writing from a pov she doesn't share. The less kind interpretation is that she wanted to appeal to as broad a demographic as possible, and decided this was the way to do it. I'm not inclined to think that way of her, because she's showed herself to be very empathetic and thoughtful with pretty much every other aspect. But when we become so close with a piece of media, a story that touches us so deeply, one that strives to be realistic in themes like abuse and trauma, the question comes up. What about us? Do we exist? Are our problems seen? The end result of a narrative using queer-coded characters and themes without explicitly being queer is a disconnect. A feeling of separation from a story and characters that I otherwise feel very close to. A worry that these problems are only seen by, only affecting, heterosexual and cisgendered peoples. And I realize this would be hard to cover for someone who hasn't written queer characters in this story yet, someone who may or may not be LGBTQ+ themselves. But even so, even though there would be mistakes and bad faith critics and all else, I would rather she try. I would rather be seen.

#lore olympus #lo #lgbtq+#long post #tw abuse #lo persephone #lo hera #lo artemis #lo athena #lo apollo

14 notes · View notes

ouyangzizhensdad · 4 years

Note

19 & 25 for salty ask (￣ε￣＠)

What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?

I don’t know if I can pinpoint one thing that I hate the most (except perhaps the easy answer of, like, the fact that people cannot keep CQL stuff out of the MDZS tags).

I guess that one of them would that like people take the “there does not exist a True Reading/a Single Interpretation to a text” to the dumb extreme of like “anything goes because I just need to say that that’s how I see it 🙃 and all of our readings are all equally Valid”. Please, you still need to be able to justify and support that reading beyond “well that’s just how I prefer to think about this/that’s My Interpretation 🙃” if you want to have any credibility when you say that these readings hold as much water as readings/interpretations for which we are presented arguments supported by what can be found in the text or meta-textual engagements with the text. I couldn’t just show up to the fandom and be like “Zidian is an allegory for the fall from grace and MDZS is rooted in christian ideology, actually” with nothing to support that wild thesis and just expect people to be like “well, I guess we all have different readings of the text, uh, how valid of you.”

But honestly I am Boo Boo the Fool to expect otherwise....

How would you end MDZS/Would you change the ending of MDZS?

That’s a good question because MDZS is such a beast of a book that it’s quite hard to tie it all off and chose what note to end it on. I guess as well that with the extras we have technically “two endings” in the sense of what the novel ends on and what the last extra ends on. And, uh, I’ll probably need to unpack both so let’s get into it (only I would turn a salty ask into meta)

Last chapter: “Wangxian part III”

So after meeting MianMian, Wangxian continue to travel to a small town in their efforts to go where the chaos is. WWX is playing footsie under the table at the wine shop, holding onto LWJ’s ribbon. In contrast to this domestic scene, suddenly:

One of the few sitting at the table gloated, “I knew Jin Guangyao had to plummet sooner or later with the things he did! I’ve been waiting for this day for so long, and now he’s finally exposed, hah! One’s deeds will be paid, one way or another—what goes around always comes around!”

The last chapter directly references the prologue, which is something I personally adore in writing, this idea of taking your story full-circle. The difference, this time, is that the villain to be despised as entertainment is not longer WWX, but JGY (I could have done without WWX explicitly telling us so in the text because it is pretty clear however I also know readers miss the most obvious cues so maybe that hand-holding is deserved).

Aside from gossip about JGY, the sects, and the sealing ceremony of the coffin containing NMJ and JGY, there is a moment where an unnamed youth raises a point about the yin hufu.

Suddenly, he heard a young man’s voice, “Then is the Yin hufu really inside the coffin?”

A cloud of silence fell over the wine shop. A moment later, someone answered, “Who knows? Perhaps. What could Jin Guangyao have done with the Yin hufu except for carrying it on him?”

“But there’s no way of telling. Didn’t they say the hufu has become just a piece of scrap iron? There’s no use for it anymore.”

The boy sat alone at a table, holding a sword in his arms, “Is the coffin really firm enough? What would happen if someone wants to see if the Yin hufu is inside or not?”

Immediately, someone raised his voice, “Who’d dare?”

“QingheNieShi, GusuLanShi, and YunmengJiangShi all sent people to guard the cemetery. Who in the world would have the guts to do it?”

Everyone expressed their agreement. The boy didn’t speak up again. He took the teacup from his table and sipped, as though he gave up on his idea. Yet, his eyes hadn’t changed at all.

Wei Wuxian had seen those types of eyes on many faces. And he knew that this definitely wouldn’t be the last time he saw them.

This continues the idea that the cycle that brought about the issues and conflicts in the cultivation world that fueled the story of the novel are not likely to disappear, and that once again it is likely that the “common wisdom” of public opinion will accelerate or allow such troubles to brew.

After they leave the wine shop, LWJ and WWX share a more domestic moment. Amongst others, they discuss the song Wangxian. Through parallel imagery, the novel also reaffirms that LWJ and WWX have become a family by mirroring one of WWX’s few memories of his parents (”Listening to his nonsense, Lan Wangji only grasped the reins of Lil’ Donkey with Wei Wuxian on it and clenched the thin rope in his palm, continuing on their way."). As well, WWX suggests they go back to the CR with a casually comment about missing tianzi xiao which is in reality prompted by the fact that he knew LWJ would be worried about his xiongzhang and shufu since one of the man in the wine shop said that LXC had looked terrible during the sealing ceremony and another commented “What would you expect? In the coffin were his two sworn brothers, while his sect’s juniors kept on running around with a fierce corpse—they even need its assistance on night-hunts! No wonder he’s in secluded cultivation so often. If Lan Wangji still doesn’t go back, I bet Lan Qiren’s gonna start cursing…”. This shows how Wangxian are taking care of one another in their own way, which is very cute.

WWX also provides an in-universe explanation for his bad memory:

Wei Wuxian knew that ‘for once’ referred to how his memory was good for once. He couldn’t help but smile, “Don’t always be so angry about it. It was my fault in the past, alright? Besides, my terrible memory should be accredited to my mom.”

Wei Wuxian propped his arm on Lil’ Apple’s head, spinning Chenqing in his hand, “My mom said you have to remember the things others do for you, not the things you do for others. Only when people don’t hold so much in their hearts would they finally feel free.”

And then we get the final lines of the novel:

Facing the wind, Wei Wuxian squinted at Lan Wangji’s silhouette. As he criss-crossed his legs, he shockingly found that he could somehow manage to balance himself in such an odd position on the back of Lil’ Apple.

It was only something trivial, yet he looked as if he just discovered a new and interesting occurrence. He couldn’t hold himself back from sharing this with Lan Wangji, calling, “Lan Zhan, look at me, look at me now!”

Just like before, Wei Wuxian called his name with a grin, and he looked over as well.

From then on, he could never move his eyes away again.

I am overall pretty satisfied with this ending, although I wish the last few lines had a stronger thematic resonance, but hey, it is still a romance novel at the heart of it so it also makes sense that it finishes that way. I am sure that there is a case that could be made about how the ending could have been stronger or more impactful, but I do think that it is a perfectly competent one. There are of course more things that could be discussed about how the novel ties in a lot of plot threads, but it is interesting to me to focus on what MXTX decided to show in the ultimate chapter of the novel.

Last extra: “Dream come true”

This extra is basically the equivalent of a book adding another chapter after “and they lived happily ever after” in order to show you what that happily ever after could look like for these characters. If the novel had only had the tone of this extra, it would have gotten boring pretty fast. But as it is, as an extra, it is just this little delightful piece of fluff that also gives us more backstory about WWX’s infatuation with LWJ during his first life. It is sweet to the point of cavities, but hey nothing wrong with an indulgent fanfic being stapled at the back of a story. It’s my favourite extra and I love how the audio drama gave life to it.

“Be honest about whether or not you thought about me in the same way.” In a solemn tone, he spoke, “Rejecting me like that so coldly every single time—it really made me lose face, don’t you know?”

Lan Wangji, “You can try, now, to see if I would reject you over anything.”

The sentence so suddenly struck his heart. Wei Wuxian choked, yet Lan Wangji was still as calm as ever, as though he didn’t at all realize what he just said. Wei Wuxian put his hand to his forehead, “You… Hanguang-Jun, let’s make a deal. Please warn me before you say something so romantic, or else I won’t be able to take it.”

Lan Wangji nodded, “Okay.”

Wei Wuxian, “Lan Zhan—what a person you are!”

Tens of thousands of words were left unspoken, in exchange for endless laughter and hugs.

Well that wasn’t very salty, but 🤷‍♂️

Salty asks

#salty asks #anon ask #mdzs #wangxian #Anonymous #long post

33 notes · View notes

natsubeatsrock · 3 years

Text

What Mashima Could Have Done To Improve Nalu (And What He Should Do With Nalu Now)

What could Mashima have done to make Nalu work for someone like me?

Wait, this isn't the rewrite...

I've wanted to make this post for a while. More accurately, I've wanted to make a post about this topic for years. Recently, I've gone through several different drafts of this post with drastically different types of approaches to this topic. However, I feel like this is the right direction to go about this topic.

Obviously, the vast majority of fans like this ship already and are counting the proverbial days until it becomes canon. But I know I'm not the only one who thinks the ship could have made more sense. And, it doesn't seem like Mashima isn't against playing around with the idea of this ship. (I'm not talking about specific spoilers here.)

So, I've decided to point out a few different ways Mashima could have worked Nalu into a better sense of becoming canon through the course of the original series. These are based on what I've heard regarding Nalu on both sides. Near the end, I'll include my suggestion for the best possible route Mashima could take regarding Nalu, especially at this point in the sequel.

Change #1: Natsu Leaving at Chapter 416

Let's get this one out of the way now. The big thing that turned me off to Nalu is how Natsu left at the end of the Tartarus arc, and I know I'm not alone in this. There are two camps of logic about why this is bad. Most people are in the Lucy camp which focuses on Lucy's broken bond with her friend. I'm more in the Natsu camp and focus on how his leaving betrays his ultimate goal of protecting his friends. Either way, Mashima didn't do much to make people who didn't already love the ship like it.

I don't think the argument should be made that Natsu shouldn't have left. He needed to leave to get stronger and if the guild was going to break up, their splitting up was inevitable. There are ways that Mashima could have handled Natsu leaving Lucy that aren't "write her a letter and leave". Given their relationship, he absolutely should have told her to her face that he had to leave and why. That's just a matter of being a good friend.

That's another reason I feel like it's important to start here. Mashima could work to further their relationship from a friendship to a romantic one. However, if their friendship is strained, there's no reason to start that in the first place. With that out of the way, let's talk about how Mashima could have made their relationship more romantic.

Change #2: Clearly Change their View of Each Other

It's not as if Natsu and Lucy's views of each other were consistently positive. It's weird to see that Natsu was dismissive and kind of exploitative was of Lucy early on in Fairy Tail. Of course, this changes throughout the series. Natsu and Lucy come to have a really cool friendship and one of my favorite partnerships in anime and manga.

However, there's no moment where Natsu or Lucy comes to a definite "Oh, I love them" realization. While the other ships in the Big 4 have at least one moment you can point to where the perception of a character towards the other noticeably changed, Nalu doesn't have that. The idea that they could be a couple is brought up every now and then. However, it's always treated as a joke and dismissed almost as quickly as it's brought up. If Mashima were to take Nalu seriously, this kind of moment would be crucial to their progression from great friendship to definite romance.

It's not even as if this couldn't happen. I've seen Nalu fans point to a few different places as possible moments for this to happen. However, my personal favorite moments happen during the Tenrou Island arc. At the beginning of the arc, Lucy looks at Natsu as he's sleeping and mentions how cute he looks. Later on, Natsu sees Lucy struggle against Kain and hears her say "It's more fun when we're together". I think both moments could have been reworked to start them on the trend of starting a romantic relationship with each other.

Change #3: Define Natsu and Lisanna's Relationship As Platonic

Depending on who you ask, we already got this during Tenrou Island. After all, Lisanna told Lucy to take care of Natsu before they went to fight Hades. A lot of people see this as the sign that Lisanna gave up on being with Natsu romantically. (If you can't tell, I'm restraining myself from arguing against this.) Mashima could have made this purpose of the moment more obvious.

Regardless, we didn't get a similar moment where Natsu and Lisanna realize their relationship has changed since Edolas and can't currently be romantic. All we got is a moment that might indicate that Lisanna thinks Lucy is a better romantic fit for Natsu. As someone who's been advocating for more of Lisanna, this change could lead to some interesting moments. Lisanna doesn't have problems with either Natsu or Lucy that would result in any ill will between them. I don't think that should change regardless of how feelings are written regarding Lisanna and the duo.

[insert discussion about Mashima's comment in France here]

Change #4: Give Us A Real Confession

I've said this plenty of times already. We did not get a confession from Natsu at the end of Fairy Tail. The fact that people are arguing that a straight-up confession would be "out of character" for Natsu and Lucy is proof enough of that. If Nalu was meant to be, this would be an obvious inclusion.

Opinions are all over the place regarding how that ought to play out. Should Natsu confess first or should Lucy? Will their confession be more composed or frenetic? That's not so much of my concern. What matters most is that a confession actually happens for the reader to see.

Honestly, it's a shame that so many different romantic ships can get away with happening without seeing definite romantic confessions, especially in battle action shonen series. I've gone through 11 years of nonsense with these characters. If they end up a couple, I want to see the confession, at the very least.

And those are my suggestions for changes.

You'll notice that I haven't talked about romantic progression in this post. That should be obvious when talking about this kind of thing. I think it's hard not to write characters falling in love if you know you're building to a couple being romantic. Fans are more likely to see it in places it isn't happening. Mashima has proven himself capable of writing good romance time and again in both of his big running series. Of course, we're waiting to see if he'll do it again with Edens Zero.

Though, these are changes that would have to take place regarding the original series. If Mashima wanted to do any of these things, it would be too late to properly do them. With that in mind, here's what I think is the best thing Mashima could do with Nalu, especially at this particular time in the sequel.

Destroy Its Chances.

No, seriously.

To be clear, I'm not advocating for Mashima to give us less ship tease fakeouts or meaningless rejections. I'm not asking that he simply not make Nalu canon. I seriously wish that Mashima would make explicitly clear that Natsu and Lucy cannot and will not ever enter a romantic relationship with each other. I simultaneously wish he would stop playing with the idea that they may start one in stuff outside of canon, like Twitter sketches, omakes, and spin-offs.

I've had a lot of time to sit with Nalu as a possible ship. I've thought over and over about what's wrong with it. And I can't think of anything fundamentally wrong with Nalu. The worst thing about it is the nonexistent progression from friends to lovers and Natsu leaving in chapter 416. I'd add fanservice, but pretty much every Fairy Tail ship has egregious fan service moments.

When people talk about Nalu not being a good ship, there are worse things they could be talking about. They could talk about how one person is clearly pushing for a relationship the other isn't interested in. They could talk about how their relationship started off with one brutalizing the other. They could talk about how Nalu is incestuous or pedophilic. However, when we talk about the ships in Fairy Tail, these topics don't come up regarding Nalu.

Like, people don't like Gruvia because of the dynamic between them. For people to like that ship, you'd basically have to rewrite their dynamic entirely. I know someone who would only make Gruvia canon in its current state if it were an abusive relationship. My suggestions for Nalu don't even change that much about their relationship.

The real issues I have with the ship stem from the fandom itself. The Nalu fandom considers any and all moments that involve Natsu and Lucy as a sign that they can become a couple soon. This ranges from "understandable arguments regarding certain scenes in canon" to "irrational interpretations regarding Twitter sketches". All of it's treated with the same cavalier attitude of Nalu's impending canonization. This is all despite no confession, no indication of romance on either side, and an omake literally made to dissuade people from this idea.

I can't say that Mashima will never make Nalu canon. But if he plans not to make it canon, I want it to be clear that Nalu is never going to be a thing. Leave no sense of ambiguity for readers to argue that it might happen in the future after the series ends. When I read the last chapter of the sequel, I want Nalu's prospects to end with the series.

"But what about the fans who spent years following the series hoping for the ship to happen?"

What about them?

I'm not saying this as someone who has no interest in the ship or empathy for its fans. I could and probably should, especially given the stuff I've seen happen over the years. But I'm not. (People can just as easily point to any of the various extreme Nalu haters like... a certain someone.) No, I have no patience for this view considering another perspective I hold.

I came into the fandom enjoying Fairy Tail. I started this blog because I wanted to talk about the things I liked about it and places I disagreed with fans about it. As time passed, I started to like the series less and see more issues with it. Many of the things I came to like about the series started to annoy me more and talking about this series became more of a chore than anything else.

However, I came to have a renewed sense of love for the series as I revisited it. I found new things to like about it and reconfirmed my enjoyment of the things that previously annoyed me. Consider the ship I talk the most about positively on this blog is likely not going to be canon officially. I'm still here and I still love the series.

I find it hard to believe that fans can come this far into the series only because they want to see their ship happen. I get that this sentiment is popular to hear fans say. However, I can't believe that all those people are so deeply invested in Nalu being canon, as opposed to other aspects of the series, that the series would be ruined for them if it didn't happen.

This is a series that's almost a decade and a half old. We've had more spin-offs, omakes, and tie-ins than series many times more popular than Fairy Tail have received. We just got an anime game that actually isn't just another arena fighter and a sequel has been greenlit. There has to be SOMETHING that these people can come back to and appreciate about this series OTHER than Nalu.

And if there really is nothing they can come to like about this series than Nalu? If they really come to hate the series over their ship not happening? If we really see a fan meltdown over the ship not happening, then...

Good riddance to them!

I know plenty of fans who bowed out of the series after realizing the series wasn't great. I'm still following a few of them for other stuff. Almost every one of them came to the conclusion long ago that the series wasn't as great as they'd like it to be and moved onto other things that interested them. They handled it calmly and left the fandom without a ton of drama. A couple of them even drop in to make new fan content every now and then.

I can respect a perspective that acknowledges a series isn’t doing what you want it to do and decides to engage with only the elements that matter most to an individual. I can respect a similar perspective that decides to cut ties with a series or fandom over how canon plays out. I can’t respect or sympathize with a perspective that says canon is worse because one’s wishes for it weren’t fulfilled.

I'm not even saying that it's wrong to not like how Mashima handles a ship. I still don't like how Graytear played out. You're allowed to feel that Mashima's handling of any part of a series isn't great. However, I don't think the series is worse for what it did to Graytear. Fairy Tail wouldn't be worse if Nalu didn't happen.

I'd argue it would be better, but that's enough for now...

#fairy tail #anti nalu #what could my final suggestion possibly be?#i freaking wonder #i've literally tried to write this post 8 times over 3 years #most of them were in the past 10 months #this was queued #it will post sometime before 2020 ends #probably #update: january 2nd '21

14 notes · View notes

d-n-battle · 4 years

Text

You know... it’s not so much that I hate Naruhina and Sasusaku...

It’s more like I just really don’t get how anyone can really like these pairings?? Like I really just don’t understand the appeal???

Like did I really watch the same series as all you Naruhina and Sasusaku shippers????

Y’all: aaawww look at all of these Naruto and Hinata scenes, he clearly loves her sooo much <3 <3 <3🥰😍😌

Me: bitch where????😂😂😂

(Literally, I could make the exact same joke about Sasusaku)

Like, is it just me, or are these two ships literally just about the girls’ feelings???

I mean I’d be totally fine with these two couples, if they didn’t put this emphasis on the girls, and completely ignore the guys...

I mean ok - serious time now - can the Sasusaku shippers and Naruhina shippers show me any evidence from the anime (or manga if you’re a reader) of Naruto and Sasuke returning Hinata and Sakura’s feelings respectively???

Again, I want to reiterate that this is a genuine request, I’m not trying to poke fun with this one. I’m just genuinely curious as to what you guys can dig up. (But also, side note - please refrain from using the films or Boruto as I haven’t watched them yet. I honestly don’t think I’m even gonna watch Boruto, cause I’m not a big fan of like spin off series, so yeah...But anything from the 720 anime episodes, or any of the manga chapters is fine.)

Anyway, back to my point.

Relationships are about two or more people coming together because they recognise that they have romantic feelings towards each other.

Which is exactly why I, like I’ve said already, don’t understand how Naruhina and Sasusaku are supposed to work???

Like yeah, Sakura and Hinata both like/love Sasuke and Naruto.

But when have Sasuka and Naruto expressed that they like them back in that way???

I mean as a whole the show was never even about romance, sure there were hints at possible relationships throughout, but that was never the point of the show.

I mean I feel like this all harkens back to some points I’ve already seen made by other people, but like why is romance necessary in this situation???

.....siiiiiigh.....😒

Because what else are female characters for??? If not to fawn over the male character then really what are they for??? I mean it’s not like they’re meant to represent real life people just like the male characters right??? It’s not like they’re meant to actually have well fleshed out characters with goals that don’t revolve around getting the guy of their dreams to notice them right??? Nooo, of course not, don’t be ridiculous....

I am seriously just soooo done with this bullshit. Like I’ll be the first to admit that Hinata and Sakura are not my favourite characters, but I mean it’s not like that’s really their fault now is it??? I mean they honestly both had a lot of potential. Like, seriously, soooooo much potential. I’m being completely honest here, I was well and truly so disappointed by how these two girls’ character potential was squandered 😔😔😔

And all for the sake of fullfilling their ‘true’ purpose in the show....

And don’t even try to give me the excuse that because Naruto is a shounen anime aimed at a primarily male audience, female characters can’t be feutured as anything besides the love interst. Like what kind of shit is that - so guys can’t even enjoy female characters unless they’re lusting after the male characters they like to insert themselves into???? I mean if you really think that then you must really hate guys.

Like I’m sorry but that just makes men sound like shit. It makes them sound like they only view women as people who belong to them, and are only relevant when it comes to how they are connected to men.

Women are their own goddamm people!!! They don’t exist solely to appease men!!!

As I woman, I have had to put up with this shit for years, and I am so done with it. If guys get to have characters that represent them in almost every piece of media out there, then why don’t women get to have the same treatment??? We make up a whole half of the entire goddamn population!!!

Honeslty, a bitch is soooooo mad about this 😡😡😡(thag bitch being me of course)

And what I’m also super mad about is that these two relationships imply that the guys feelings are completely irrelevant. Like I’m sorry but no amount of Sakura liking/loving Sasuke makes it okay for her to end up with him - if he doesn’t feel anywhere near the same amount of love or appreciation for her. And the same can be applied to Hinata and Naruto.

This outcome also forces everyone to just completely ignore/forget the fact that Naruto and Sasuke are completely unready to be in a relationship with anyone.

Like, yeah I’m gonna admit here that I am indeed a Narusasu shipper, but I’ll also admit that I dead ass don’t think they’d even be ready for a relationship with each other.

I mean the war and everything else just completely messed them both up, so they would both probably need some time to heal. And knowing those two, it would most likely take quite a while before they’re anywhere near healed enough to date - let alone fucking marry - anyone.

And, also (so that I’m not accused of favouritism towards the boys) - what about Sakura and Himata and the shit that they themselves experienced??? I mean Hinata had to watch her cousin die in front of her - that’s gotta mess you up. And Sakura was a medic - there’s no imagining the shit she must have seen.

War messes people up for a long time, and bassed off of what I’ve heard of Boruto - the timeline implies that these two couples got married and had kids pretty soon after the war.

That. Does. Not. Add. Up. Sis!!!!!

Honestly, the series should have just had what I like to call an ‘open ending’. This is where pretty much everything is left (you guessed it) out in the open. By everything I mean like the final relationships and stuff like the minutiae of the story. Unless, your story is a romance story in which case the romance is the most important thing, but as we’ve established- this is not the case with Naruto.

If you don’t explicitly state that characters X and Y are married with 2.5 kids, everyone who would dislike that as an outcome is free to think that they didn’t.

Like seriously, the whole point of using the line “and they lived happily ever after”, is so that you can leave the ending open to the interpretation of the audience. That’s why I’ve never liked being told how they lived happily ever after.

Because, ultimately everyone has different ideas of what happy looks like.

Some people want to get married because that’s what would make them happy, and for some marriage would achieve the opposite. It’s the same case with having children. Or what job you wanna have.

I mean really, there is soooo many different ideas of what happy looks like.

So why limit yourself and more importantly your audience/readers????

I mean think about it like this. The purpose of a main character is basically to give us a point of view of the story through which we can be influenced. That’s why a lot of the time they don’t really have distinct personality traits - so that the reader can project their own onto them. That way the reader/audience member is able to immerse themselves in the story. We are allowed to image that the main character is us. That’s why we get angry when they do something we don’t like, our first thought is - “well, I wouldn’t have done that...”. So image how disconnected you would feel, from a character who makes a big decision that you don’t agree with. Like say, getting married, when you yourself can’t imagine yourself getting married??? Or say, getting married to someone who you yourself wouldn’t want to get married to???

I think that’s the real issues in case of Naruhina and Sasusake. The majority of us - who are clearly of sound minds - would not want to marry Hinata, Sakura, or even Naruto and Sasuke. Most likely because their characters often times feel like caricatures of people, instead of real life people. They feel somehow unfinished, and so we have a harder time seing the bigger picture, and how these big decisions they have made are supposed to make sense.

Okay, I feel like I’ve rambled enough. I leave you with this -

I don’t mean to offend anyone with this post, and so I hope I haven’t/didn’t/won’t. I’m truly just stating my opinion here. If you don’t agree with anything I’ve said here, please do let me know; I’ll always appreciate constructive criticism.

I will always love Naruto. But in order to truly love something you have to also recognise it as flawed. And this was simply me pointing out some of the things which I perceive as flaws of the show/manga.

Please, don’t think of this post, or any others which I might make in the future, as hate posts. As I’ve said, I do love the show/manga - but that doesn’t make me unwilling to crique it.

Alrighty, this is where I actually end the rant.

Thanks for coming y’all,

Love,

Danny

#boy this took a while #almost as long as it’s taking me to re-watch Naruto #this really isn’t an anti post #please dont hate me #sasusaku #naruhina #sasunarusasu #I really do love this show ya know???

18 notes · View notes

gwentoryfics · 5 years

Text

imagine: amusement park date with hyunggu (fluff)

excuse this for being a little bit of a mess, i literally just wrote it in two hours and didn’t edit at all. lmao hERE YOU GO MY SWEET PEACHES

“Which way should we go first?” Hyunggu holds a map of the park open for you to both analyze. “Maybe start toward the back of the park and work our way forward?”

“Yeah, or we could loop around this way and make it over to the food court in time for lunch.” You draw a path on the map with your finger. “And then we could hit up the water rides in the afternoon when it’s hottest out.”

Hyunggu nods, satisfied. “See, this is why I keep you around.”

The two of you have been friends for at least two years, and he is without a doubt your very best friend. He’s close to you in a way that no one else ever has been; he knows all of your secrets, your dreams and aspirations, your fears - even the lies you tell yourself about how you don’t think you’re good enough, smart enough, thin enough, pretty enough. Hyunggu has helped you through so many ruts, and you honestly love him.

The only thing that he still doesn’t know about you is the fact that you’ve been harboring The World’s Biggest Crush™ on him for probably the majority of your friendship.

How could you not? He’s literally your perfect match. If soul mates exist, he is undoubtedly yours.

You screech internally - how did he turn you into such a hopeless romantic?

When Hyunggu asked if you wanted to go to the amusement park this weekend, you immediately agreed. You love roller coasters (although honestly, you would probably agree to do just about anything with him at this point - skydiving and bungee jumping included). But you’ve had to constantly remind yourself that he doesn’t mean for this to be a date. Probably.

You’ve been getting kind of mixed signals from him lately. He treats you the same as always, but sometimes you feel like his teasing has started to become flirty. But how much of that is you projecting your own feelings onto the conversation? Maybe he’s not flirting at all, and you only think he is because you so desperately want him to.

Whatever the case is, you constantly remind yourself that you shouldn’t get your hopes up unless he explicitly says that he’s interested in you. Otherwise, you’re just making dangerous assumptions.

As the two of you make your way through the park, you pick and choose various roller coasters and rides that look like fun. He always wants to wait for the front row, but you don’t mind the extra wait time. You’re a pro at waiting - as long as you get to spend time with him, that’s all that matters.

Just as you had planned, you reach the food court area right around lunch time, and afterwards you make your way towards the water rides.

“Let’s get on that one!” Hyunggu points at a ride nearby. The park-goers on the ride sit in log-like boats - no more than four or five in a boat - and travel along a water flume that’s raised up, probably at least twenty feet in the air. It ends with a big drop and a splash. “It doesn’t look too intense. I don’t think we need to change into bathing suits for it.”

You smile and nod. “Yeah, let’s do it!”

You both jump in line, and the path winds around, eventually dropping you off at one of those platforms that is perpetually turning. The little log boats move with the platform so the ride never really stops. Hyunggu leads the way, climbing down in to the boat you are assigned.

The boat only has one bench-like seat running from front to back, and Hyunggu straddles it, leaning back and patting the space in front of him. “Get in!”

“Are you sure you don’t want to be in front?” You tease him as you lower yourself into the boat.

“I’m trying to be nice,” he laughs. “You know you wouldn’t be able to see anything if you sat behind me.”

“That may be true,” you agree, smiling over your shoulder at him once you’re seated.

The boat departs from the platform and starts along its path, quickly coming to a moving belt that pulls you up the first hill. You hold onto the handlebars on either side of the boat, trying to keep yourself from falling back against Hyunggu (gravity and all that). As the the hill levels out and you drop about a foot back into the flume, you feel Hyunggu’s fingertips on your shoulder.

“Are you alright? Your shoulders are all red. Do you need more sunscreen?” He tenderly touches the reddened skin.

You reach up to touch it yourself, but it’s not hot like sunburn. “I think it’s just from my bag.” You have everything you need for the day in your drawstring bag, but since you opted to wear a tank top the fabric strings have been rubbing against your skin all day.

“Why don’t you let me take it for a while? Straps don’t bother me through my t-shirt.” Hyunggu removes the bag from your shoulders before you can protest.

“You’re going to look silly carrying two bags,” you comment, grasping onto the handles again as you go around a corner, your boat rocking playfully in the water as it picks up speed.

“I think you mean ‘thank you.’” He teases, pinching your sides once and making you squeal.

The boat is pulled up one last hill before leveling out again and wrapping around for the big drop. As you approach, you realize that the drop is a lot steeper than you originally thought it was.

“Oh my God, we’re gonna die.” You instinctively scoot backwards as the drop gets closer, as if you could actually avoid it. “We’re actually gonna die.”

Hyunggu chuckles, and you feel his arm wrap around your waist, pulling you back against him. “You’re fine, relax.”

And just like that, the boat veers down the hill, and you’re pressing back into Hyunggu, screaming bloody murder. You’re totally fine on roller coasters when you’re appropriately strapped in, but this feels way too dangerous.

The boat crashes into the water at the bottom, sending up a huge spray of water - and suddenly, you’re soaked. What the hell? Everyone else looks mostly dry when they get off of this ride!

Hyunggu laughs warmly as your boat heads for the platform, and he releases you from his grip.

“That wave was huge!” You immediately complain. “Jesus, my clothes are completely soaked through!”

Behind you, Hyunggu’s laughter turns to cackling. “I never realized how great of a waterproof shield you are.”

“Damn it, Hyunggu.” You turn and realize that his clothes are completely dry, except for a bit of dampness on his shoulders and in his hair. “That is so not fair.”

“Maybe it’s time for bathing suits now,” he chuckles.

“You think?”

The two of you make your way to the water park area, splitting off once you found the locker rooms. You hang your clothes inside of your locker and hope that they might be able to dry a little while you’re gone.

You meet Hyunggu just outside of the locker rooms once you’ve changed. You brought along your favorite one-piece, a little emerald, retro number that’s cinched in all the right places. Hyunggu dons navy blue board shorts - and no shirt.

How dare he stand over there completely shirtless like it’s no big deal.

You’ve seen him shirtless before, but you don’t think you’ll ever stop thinking he has a beautiful body, no matter how many times you see him that way. Still, you put on a casual smile and pretend that you’re not hoping he thinks you look good, too.

“So,” you start as you near him. “Thoughts on the lazy river?”

“Sounds perfectly peaceful.” He smiles, and you both head off.

The water is chilly, but you don’t mind it too much. It’s nice to get a break from the hot sun, and it really does help to clear your head when it’s too muddled with thoughts about Hyunggu’s attractiveness.

You each grab an intertube, and you sit down into the middle of yours. Hyunggu pulls his down over his shoulders so his head, chest, and arms all stick out of the water. It works out well that way - he’s easily able to keep up with wherever you float off to.

For a bit you chat about nothing, really, but then Hyunggu changes the subject. “You know, you haven’t mentioned any boys for a while. Anyone you’re into these days?”

Oh dear. You roll your eyes to cover your panic. “Hyunggu, don’t you know I’m focusing on myself right now? I’m a self-sufficient woman. Boys are overrated.”

Hyunggu laughs. “Yeah, they are. But really, there’s not anyone?”

You meet his eyes, and there’s something so starkly serious about his expression. Why is he asking like that?

You take a chance. You no you shouldn’t, but you offer a flirtatious question as your response. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

He raises an eyebrow. Instead of responding, though, he grabs you by your ankles launches you into a spin. You laugh and try to stop yourself by digging your hands down into the water, effectively splashing Hyunggu as you spin.

“Hey!” He splashes you back, and it’s an all-out war.

Even if he might never be your boyfriend, you can’t help but love every minute you’re there together.

At the end of the day, you insist on riding the ferris wheel. You’re both worn out from running around the park all day, but ferris wheels are your favorite - plus, the sun is setting and you just know everything will look gorgeous from up there.

Hyunggu humors you, and you both climb into the circular carriage. He sits across from you to balance the weight, and you peer over the edge as you’re lifted into the air.

The golden sunset washes the whole park in the most gorgeous shades of yellow and orange, the clouds turning pink above you. It’s absolutely beautiful, just as you thought it might be.

“Stay right there, don’t move.” Hyunggu breaks open his drawstring bag, fishing out his cell phone to take a photo of you. “Trust me, you’ll want this for your Instagram.”

You laugh, even though it’s unlikely. You rarely post photos of yourself. You’re often too critical of the way they look.

“Just keep looking out like that.” Hyunggu moves around the carriage, looking for the best angle. “That’s perfect! Beautiful.”

After snapping a few photos, he sits down next to you to show you the pictures, his arm casually coming to rest across your shoulders. Believe it or not, you actually love them. The multi-colored sky makes the perfect background, and you actually look really lovely (even in the overpriced amusement park t-shirt you’re wearing, since your other shirt is still wet).

Is this how you look in Hyunggu’s eyes?

“They turned out great,” you praise his photography skills as you flip through the photos. “Seriously, these are all incredible.”

He doesn’t say anything. Hyunggu sits quietly, looking down at the phone. You feel his fingertips glide carefully over your shoulder, and the simple touch makes your heart race. How are you supposed to breathe when he’s sitting so close?

You keep your eyes trained downward, even after Hyunggu pockets his phone. You’re too afraid to meet his eyes, too nervous about the minimal space between you.

“_____.”

The way he murmurs your name completely melts you. Does he feel the sudden thickness in the air? Are you just wishing that this could be a romantic moment?

The ferris wheel stops rotating just after you come over the crest. It’s too perfect.

“I love being with you. You’re my best friend. There’s literally no one else I’d rather hang out with.”

Oh God, what is he saying? Is he saying what you think he’s saying? Are you about to be friend-zoned?

What’s going on?

Hyunggu reaches over to hold your hand, and you swear your whole body goes up in flames. “_____, will you look at me?”

You do as he asks, and his face is alarmingly close. He’s beautiful and perfect and everything that you love.

“You are the most incredible person I know.” Hyunggu searches your face. “I don’t want to mess up our friendship by saying something stupid but I can’t keep pretending that I only want to be your friend.”

“Are you serious?” Your eyes linger on his lips. They look so soft and lovely.

“Dead serious. I’m really sorry for just dumping this on you, but I really like you, _____. I have so much fun with you, and it kills me how gorgeous you are.” Hyunggu releases your hand, and he cups your face. “Is there any chance, even just a small one, that you might feel something too?”

His gaze is so beautifully sweet, and you cover his hand with your own, finally finding the courage to spill your feelings. “Hyunggu, I’ve been in love with you for like over a year.”

“In love?” He echoes, his thumb caressing your cheek, and you immediately flush.

“That’s too much, isn’t it…” Maybe you should have censored yourself a little better.

“No, it’s perfect.” His forehead touches yours. “It’s the word I wanted to use, but I was afraid I’d scare you off.”

You nurse your bottom lip nervously. “I’m not going anywhere. I love you, Hyunggu.”

“I love you too, _____.”

Finally, finally, Hyunggu closes the gap, and his lips press into yours. The kiss is soft, sweet, and everything you’ve waited for.

And now, you’ve finally got him.

#universenet #kino #hyunggu #kino scenario #hyunggu scenarios #kino scenarios #hyunggu scenario #kino imagine #kino imagines #hyunggu imagine #hyunggu imagines #pentagon imagines #imagines

80 notes · View notes

theclaravoyant · 6 years

Text

AN ~ for the Anon who prompted: “Fitz and Skye/Daisy start dating, and Simmons struggles with it, not because she’s in love with him but because she sort of thinks of him as ‘hers’.” also fits @aosadvent2017 prompt “love”

Summary:

Fitz & Skye start dating during Jemma's absence in Season 2. Upon her return, Jemma struggles to deal with how things have changed, leading to a reflection on her own feelings and a discussion with Skye about the man they both love so dearly in such different ways. Rated T.

Rshps: Fitz & Simmons, FitzSimmons (discussed), platonic Skimmons, romantic Skitz. (I also don’t mind if you prefer the endgame: FitzSkimmons interpretation)

someone will love you (let me go)

I've been hoping somebody loves you in the ways I couldn't Somebody's taking care of all of the mess I've made Someone you don't have to change - Let Me Go, by Hailee Steinfeld & Alesso

Maybe it is the way he skirts around her to do it that hurts; bustling past her with two cups in his hands, but neither one of them meant for her. He’s put the kettle on again for her, at least, but it still stings as Jemma raps her nails on an empty cup, waiting, while Fitz sets Skye’s down in front of her, kisses her cheek, and rushes off down the hall with a glint in his eye as if he has something to do. His feet are bouncing, fingers trembling with a purpose that he’d lost for so long – and that, even so, he puts on hold when Skye leans back from the bench and calls after him –

“Hey!”

He turns. “Mm?”

“We still on for Indiana Jones tonight?”

“Absolutely.”

“See you there.”

No words bubble up in Jemma’s throat – no enquiries, no invitation. She knows it is not her place. Not anymore. But it still hurts, in a strange way, to see the settled, comforted smile that comes to rest over Fitz’s face as he continues about his day with a little less of a manic edge to his energy. It’s as though Skye has brought him something that she herself could not - which, Jemma supposes, is the truth of it.

It’s a truth she’s going to have to come to terms with, and she’s usually quite good at living with truth, but in this case it’s as if every fibre of her body rejects it; not out of hatred or judgement or spite of Fitz, or even of Skye, but simply of the way things are. The way that Skye and Fitz chat and banter like before – or, well, almost like before, except that now they stand a little closer, touch a little more, and sometimes when one makes the other laugh, they share a kiss or a squeeze of the hand or some other little moment that says I’m yours. In these little moments it is like they are the only ones in the world – but they are not, and Jemma feels it acutely like liquid in her lungs, that she is on the outside, looking in on her best friends having the time of their lives.

This hurt, it’s a lot like jealousy, Jemma muses. It has an indignant edge, though Jemma knows that it should not: who is she to deny their happiness, after all, and why should she want to? Should she not feel unspeakable joy, that her two best friends have found such love in each other? And is it even jealousy, if she has never wanted Fitz in that way to begin with?

“…Jemma?”

Awakened from her reverie, Jemma looks to Skye, who is frowning expectantly across the bench as if she’s been talking for some time, and awaiting some sort of answer. But Jemma can’t remember if Skye has even spoken, let alone what she might have said. She blinks helplessly, and Skye sighs and shakes her head.

“You need to let it go.”

Her voice has a concern, and a warning, and a sympathy to it that tells Jemma exactly what – or rather, who - it is, even as Skye plucks a protein bar from the ‘fruit’ bowl, and strides off on her own way without another word.

Jemma busies herself that night with Doctor Who instead. She knows most of the newer episodes by heart, but the familiarity and the optimism of it are comforts in this trying world. Even so, Jemma finds it difficult to sit still and watch; she’s distracted by every sound, thinking it’s Indiana Jones, or Skye and Fitz talking, or maybe even not talking at all but doing something quite different that’s none of her business and even though she knows they’re rooms and walls away her mind creates phantoms. She plugs in a set of earphones to drown them out and is suddenly struck – and not for the first time – by how ridiculous she is being.

Why is she so preoccupied? Jemma wonders. It feels as though she has left the lab in someone else’s charge; as if she is paranoid that somebody is going to do something wrong. Does that mean she’s treating Fitz as – as what, her responsibility? Certainly not her lover, she thinks, or else she’d want him here with her, or at least away from Skye. But that’s not it. Not that she’d be opposed to his presence, of course, but she feels no injustice or void to be filled. She has enjoyed Doctor Who before Fitz and she’ll enjoy it after him, if she has to. But then… now that she thinks about it, she has never really imagined a time after Fitz. She’s never quite envisioned the possibility that he would not want to spend every second of his spare time with her. Her hypothetical futures without Fitz have always been by force; not by choice, and certainly not by love. How has she come to think she has such a claim on his time, or over his heart, to feel like she’s left a child with a babysitter, instead of a friend with a woman he loves?

Jemma yanks the earbuds from her ears and slams her laptop closed. She slides off her bed, raking her hands through her hair as her stomach twists awfully. Fitz is an adult, making choices with his time that have always been his to make. And it’s not like this is the first time he and Skye have had movie nights without her. But it’s the first time, as far as she can remember, that she has explicitly not been invited, and for a reason she’s hovering frustratingly close to but can’t quite put her finger on, that makes her angry.

Why? Why? she demands of herself, pacing around her room.

Well, why does anything or anyone get angry? They’re hurt, or scared.

She’s hurt that Fitz didn’t choose her. As selfish as that makes her sound – especially in light of the fact that not so long ago, he very much did choose her – it is a hurt. Especially after so much time apart; so long spent dreaming of their reunion; so long expecting to walk right back into his life… and not just that, but to run back into his open arms, and spin around in wild exhilaration, and they would both be healed and fixed and together again and it would all go back to normal somehow. It hurts that the way Skye and Fitz’s relationship has developed is just one, glaringly painful example of how very wrong she’d been.

But… maybe she’s also scared. Scared that because ‘FitzSimmons’ is not yet fixed, they will never be fixed. Scared that she doesn’t understand what ‘fixed’ is in this mad new world; that perhaps she never has. Slowly, reluctantly, Jemma begins to admit to herself that she’s scared, scared, scared. Scared that Fitz choosing to spend tonight away from her will mean choosing every night away from her; that having to watch Doctor Who without him tonight will mean always watching Doctor Who without him. Maybe she’s even scared that her friendship with Skye is over too; that they will choose each other instead of her. Now that thought, she truly cannot bear – and yet, she can’t help but think that she’s brought it on herself.

She brought it upon herself when she left Fitz, alone, in one of the darkest times of his life. She lied to him, intending to soften the blow but in reality, leading him to believe that she has no faith in him - and maybe, though she hates to admit it, Fitz was a little bit right about that. On top of that, Jemma had let Skye believe that she’d walked out on them both. Even knowing Skye’s history of abandonment, and that she could keep a secret like nobody’s business when she wanted to, Jemma hadn’t seen fit to trust her. At least, she imagines, that’s probably how Skye sees it. Then, to make matters worse, Skye had witnessed firsthand Fitz’s heartbreak and pain and the state Jemma had left him in. It’s no wonder that they should choose each other over her, and the rightfulness of it only makes Jemma more afraid.

(So afraid, in fact, that tears begin to fill her eyes).

Frustrated at her own vulnerability and the weakness it makes her feel, Jemma wipes at her eyes. She catches sight of her reflection in that moment and hums to herself in despair, feeling ever more pathetic by the second. She feels like a petulant child, and when somebody knocks gently on her door, it is all she can do not to screech at them to go away and bury her head in her pillow.

Instead, Jemma pulls herself together like a well-functioning, non-crisis-having adult and opens the door – and catches her breath. Skye is standing there, in fresh pyjamas and with a towel wrapped around her head. When she sees Jemma’s sorry state, her expression softens.

“Do we need to talk about this morning?” she asks.

“What about it?”

“About you being weird. About Fitz bringing me coffee.”

Jemma sighs and steps back from the doorway, inviting Skye inside.

“Don’t you have a date?” she wonders.

“I’m on my way,” Skye explains, “but I thought you and I left things on a weird note this morning and I just wanted to check – are we good?”

“Sure,” Jemma answers weakly. “Absolutely. Why - why would we not be good?”

“Uh, maybe coz I stole your boyfriend?”

“You didn’t steal him,” and Jemma can’t help but snort when she feels her fist clench up defensively. “And he’s not my boyfriend.”

“Are you sure?”

This, at least, Jemma can answer honestly without dodging any asteroids of emotion. “I’m sure,” she insists.

“Good,” Skye agrees. “Because I don’t want to get in the way of you two, but I’m not going to be second fiddle either. I don’t always want to be competing with Fitz’s best friend.”

“Me?” Jemma points at herself, incredulous. “No, I don’t want Fitz – I mean, not like that, I’m just his friend. You’ve got nothing to worry about on that front and Fitz? Well, he – he certainly looks like he’s all in, so, congratulations.”

And damn it the tears are coming again. Jemma wipes her eyes furiously, and Skye hums in sympathy and walks over, enveloping Jemma in her arms for a moment.

“I know,” she croons, “and I promise, I’m looking after him.”

“Looking – after him?” Jemma repeats Skye’s words absently, wondering why something in her chest seems to unclench upon hearing them. “Of course you’re looking after him, why would you – oh...”

Skye releases her, smiling tearfully. “There it is,” she whispers, watching realisation dawn on Jemma’s face.

“I – I guess I hadn’t noticed that part,” Jemma says, apologetic. “So many people have hurt him, and I wanted to keep him safe. Even if that meant putting myself into every aspect of his life, so nobody would be able to get to him without going through me. His father, the bullies at school, the girls who used to mess with him… now Ward…”

“I know, I know,” Skye agrees, cutting Jemma off. “He has a soft little mollusc of a heart but I will protect it with everything I have. Everything. I promise.”

“I know you will.” Jemma sniffs, and pulls Skye back into an even tighter hug. “And if I ever gave you the impression that I didn’t trust you, or you weren’t good enough, I’m really sorry. Fitz loves you, and I love you, and I know you’d never hurt him.”

“And if I ever gave you the impression that I wanted to keep him away from you, or that we don’t want you around, then I’m sorry too. And I know he is too.” Gradually, they part back to arms length again. Skye dabs at her cheek and adds: “Besides, I don’t blame you for acting weird. Emotions are hard. And Fitz’s heart makes some bullshit decisions.”

“He told you about Alistair?”

“Oh yeah. If I ever meet that guy I’m definitely punching him in the face.”

“Ha. Get in line, missy.”

“Gladly. I’ll help you with your technique while we wait.”

Skye smirks, and Jemma finds herself smirking right back. Tears shine on both their faces; the marks of the love and courage that it has taken them to get to this point. This time, neither makes an effort to wipe them away.

“Seriously, though,” Skye remarks, “how does the guy get his heart ripped out and spat on so many times, and keep believing in people like that?”

Jemma purses her lips, to stop her smile from spreading at the look of wonder on Skye’s face – and her apparent obliviousness to the brilliance of her own soul and the reason, no doubt, that she was so drawn to Fitz in the first place.

“I don’t know,” Jemma muses. “I suppose you’ll have to ask him.”

#jemma simmons #bus kids #skitz #fitzsimmons #skimmons #aospositivitynet #buskidsnet #platonic fitzsimmons #brotp: fitzsimmons #prompt me stuff #clara's fic tag

23 notes · View notes

anannd-morrighan-lus-mor-blog · 7 years

Text

Why I call the Morrigan “Mother” (Please Hold Your Hate Mail Until the End)

You know, I think when most people are speaking of the Morrigan, even the aspect of the Morrigan that they work with, something like this is what first comes to mind.

(The Morrigan, artist unknown)

And this is both right, and fine. Because no matter whatever other aspect you work with her in, or whatever constellation of the Morrigna has called to you, the Morrigan is a war goddess (or spirit, as I have heard others say, but this post here will offend you enough...we’ll get to that in another post...), and very likely her biggest focus is war, all aspects of war. But especially victorious, bloody war. She is not a soft goddess. She is not a tender touch. She rains fire and blood on her enemies (literally, read the lore), her battle scream incites her favored side to rage and strikes fear into the hearts of those who oppose her. She is the death of Cu Chulainn, one of the greatest heroes of Ulster, because he unknowningly offered her extreme disrespect. She is still, despite her growth in popularity, one of the more feared and respected goddesses in the modern pagan world along with Hekate, Kali (when we appropriate her from Hinduism, that is) and Hel. She is Weapon, she is the Weapon of Weapons, as she is Leader and Beserker and Strategist, the worst atrocities of war and the best, most bloody results. At the end, she is the gatherer of Macha’s Acorns: the heads and souls of the slain. (The head was the spiritual seat in the Celtic World.) She is bloody death smiling at you at the end of a spear point, and the crow calling out your name.

Which is why so many people look at me like I’ve grown a second head whenever I call her “Mother” and insist that motherhood is one of her little known areas.

And the images that come to them are likely something along these lines...

Happy, lovely, fluffy mother who loves us all and will heal our boo boos and make the earth bloom with flowers and unicorns! (This is “Gaia” by an unknown artist, by the way.)

Well, no, mostly no.

Or they think of this one!

Fecund! Fertile! Bursting with life! The all-source of life that serves as Mother to All and that is her only REAL function! (Venus of Willendorf that we all know and love.)

Erm, no. Again, mostly no. I mean...no.

She’s a Maiden, Mother and Crone since she’s a triplicate! Of COURSE she’s a mother since it’s a part of the...

...I can’t even finish that. Good Heavens No!

(I think this sculpture is by Maxine Miller, who actually did a very nice Morrigan statue.)

Okay, and since I am who I am, I am going to get this out of way now...

She’s the peaceful, pacifist, loving mother! In her heart! She secretly wants everything to be all peace and all good and she wants to do nothing but watch over us and pray for us...

Again. No. No no no no no.

Have we got that out of our systems, now? All the ridiculous assumptions that are often made when connecting the Morrigan with the word “Mother”? Good. Let’s talk about how the Morrigan IS a Mother, and how the Morrigan accomodates such a role, and how limiting our gods/spirits is just as bad as making them out to be everything for everyone.

---Why we can’t limit her to lore, why we can’t rely only on UPG---

The lore is all we have to get culturally significant information on the Morrigan and concerning the Tuatha De Dannan. Notice I didn’t necessarily say “accurate”- the Celts did not keep much in the way of written records, at least not for the time period wer’re looking at... for materials that speak of a pre-Christian age, most of them were written down by Christians from the twelfth century onwards. While the great cycles of Irish Mythology have been recorded for us to enjoy, they were not exactly copied down by people without motive or who did not change the texts to suit their own religious views. This is not to say that everything, or even the majority, was changed to demonize or ridicule the old gods, but we’re pretty sure it happened. An example is the appearance of the Dagda being described as “gross”, with a tunic that barely covers his stomach or backside (depending on who you ask) and a penis that drags the ground in a comic display. We all know the Dagda as a great King, mighty Warrior and Father god who had a voracious appetite for life, women, mead and porridge. We know that Christians sometimes twisted the appearance or characteristics of the pagan gods to make Jesus seem better by comparison. We also know that fertility gods and humorous appearances (especially extra large genitals) go together like peas and carrots, and if you don’t believe me, google “Sheela Na Gig”. There are places where it is really hard to tell!

Further, it’s likely safe to say that the lore we have is likely not all of it. There are myths from many cultures that have been lost to time, and it is a possibility that important myths of the Morrigan are included in that group.

However, the lore is what we have, and through it, we are able to glimpse the stories and mythos of the Tuatha De Dannan, because much still survives that pulses with the life from before the first century. While this should be our first source, we must also keep the other points in mind.

Sometimes, the Morrigan will grant us UPG (Unverified Personal Gnosis). Sometimes, this is something meant for you and the Morrigan only, and this is fine. Sometimes, UPG might hearken back to lost lore, and the best way to judge that is to see how many others end up drawing the same conclusions...like following a thread. You can’t prove it, but something about it rings with authenticity. And...sometimes you’re just hearing what you want to hear. We all do it. I can usually tell this happened to me or someone else if the UPG fizzles fast, or if someone clings to it for dear life. If there is something to it, the UPG will stand for itself. Don’t discount your UPG, but don’t run after all your UPG...compare it to the lore.

A good example...why do so many of us assume the Morrigan’s hair is black? I mean, yeah, she loves her ravens, but there aren’t a lot of references to the Morrigan with black hair. The majority of the lore states the Morrigan has blazing red hair, red eyes brows and in one instance, “9 undone tresses” which means her hair is likely very, very long! Or full. She even appeared to Cu Chulainn in mostly head to foot red: hair, eye brows, dress, cloak. I have even seen references to her eyes being red. There are even references to her being “white” or “brilliant in color!”

And yet...so many of her representations are primarily dressed in black, adorned with black hair, with the head of a raven, with raven’s wings...and she is pleased! It’s because this UPG has become part of her presentation, and since it does not conflict with her nature, she is pleased by it, can be connected with by it. Is it explicitly in the lore? No. But it works!

Finally, keep in mind that the Morrigan may choose to change (even more than a hairstyle), and while we would still have her past forms still valid, there are also new forms that may or may not make themselves known. Brigid is an excellent example of this: She was/is Brigid the goddess of poetry, smiths and midwifery (among other things), she was/is St. Brigit, also called Mary of the Gales and proved to be mostly, if not entirely based on Brigid, and she is also Mama Brigitte, one of the few white lwa (in Voodoo, wife of Baron Samedi) and a result of the comingling Haitians and Irish (I think especially in New Orleans, but I could be wrong). (The more romantic story is the Baron fell in love with Brigitte, seduced her and brought her from Ireland to Haiti.) The same life runs through these figures, and each form is powerful, true and alive in it’s own right. Each form is still accessible without taking from them other, through the story still moves forward.

And yes, the above is my own UPG. Tear it apart later, there is more.

---The Morrigan is MY Mother---

Just like so many have matron goddesses, tutelary spirits and others that take a motherly role, the Morrigan has taken a motherly role with me. I address her as mother. Even over the years when I pursued other interests, she has always been there as my mother. And now, she has gone from being in the background to taking me in hand. Since then, she has not only acted as my High Queen, my High Priestess and my Lady, she’s been my mother, too.

This is solely a personal part of our relationship. I’ve seen her come to others this way, and I’ve seen her come to others a different way. It doesn’t have to be the same for everyone, but this is actually the number one reason I call her mother.

That’s it. That simple.

---The Morrigan is a mother, and no, it doesn’t necessarily make her a Mother---

I’ve not often seen references to the Morrigan’s children, though they do exist and I will mention them briefly.

1. Meche, sometimes said to be in the form of a drakkon, sometimes not, definitely said to have a heart, or three hearts that were filled with three serpents that would devour all of Ireland. He was killed by Dian Cecht.

2. Sometimes she is said to have Danu’s triplet sons who were smiths, their names escape me. (I’m writing most of this off the top of my head.)

3. Sometimes she is said to have 20-30 sons and 20-30 daughters (or even 50 of each!)...a testament to her fertility and strength, surely.

Being a mother doesn’t necessarily make her a Mother goddess. But to deny her motherhood in this way is insulting to Herself. To borrow from another mythos, Nephytys was the mother of Anubis but NOT considered a Mother goddess. To outright say, “Just because she gave birth doesn’t make her a mother” is really blasphemous, and the same goes for the Morrigan.

Even if you never agree that the Morrigan is a Mother, she is always mother.

(The Morrigan by Unknown...see blog in water mark)

---The Morrigan’s Many Faces---

There are honestly so many ways to see the Morrigan, so many ways she can appear, that it makes your head spin...part of this is because she’s a shape shifter and can pretty much appear the way she wants. This is made abundantly clear in the Tain, when she and Cu Chulainn are making their respective animosities known to one another. So already, we have a goddess who can appear as she pleases and who, by her nature, takes up many aspects.

The Morrigan very obviously oversees death and war and sorcery, which I think we’ve covered above. She also oversees prophecy (as evidenced by the prophecy she gave at the end of the war with the Formorians...) and poetry. Not the same kind of poetry as Brigid, but specifically poetry linked to prophecy or war. Nevertheless, I doubt that skill in the craft is lost on her. She oversees sovereignty (likely through her association with Macha) and guardianship of the land...some say she IS the land (hang on, we’re getting there), and fate, and I’ve even seen some people insist upon rebirth since she is so intimate with death. Same with performing the role of psychopomp, being compared to Norse Valkyries. Perhaps we are straying from lore, but some of this is relevant. I have even seen that the Morrigan represents the full circle of life, to represent water and overflowing emotions (and boy, is THAT another post!) and, finally, that she is indeed a mother, and a fertility goddess. Which is appropriate, since she’s also a goddess of sex, sacred sex and the marriage with the land in particular (see the Dagda). She is also associated with ghosts, with the Sidhe and witchcraft, usually of the darker or negative kind. Livestock was also a big part of her guardianship, as are storms, which can be linked back to the rain of fire and blood mentioned before. Some of this, we will return to.

So, wither or not we can find this in the lore (and most of it we can), we can certainly see where a lot of this comes from. I’ve heard a lot more over the years, but I’ve only included a short variety of what I personally give credence to. Your mileage may vary, and that’s okay. But let’s continue into briefly talking about the Morrigna.

The Morrigan is often simply listed as a singular entity, The Morrigan. And as any of us know, the Morrigan can be seen to seen to be a name or a title: An Mhor Rhaign, usually translated as “The Great Queen” or “The Phantom Queen”. Seeing this, I’d say that Queenship and Sovergnity, along with Identity with the Land, go hand-in-hand with this. Just sayin’!

She is often associated, or identified with other goddesses with their own identities, termed the Morrigna (or as I heard before, each Morrigna is like a piece of the whole Morrigan...don’t know how I feel about that, but I thought I’d include it anyway). Sometimes, the Morrigna as seen as sisters of the Morrigan, or as sisters that make-up the Morrigan.

Many of the Morrigna are as follows...I’ll leave their Wikis rather than do a lot of writing and distract from the article:

Badb: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Badb

Macha: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Macha

Nemain:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nemain

Fea: Sorry, she doesn’t have a wiki, but you can find her online.

Anu:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anu_(Irish_goddess)

Most often, you will see references to Badb, Macha and the Morrigan. This is the primary triplicity in the lore.

Sometimes, you’ll see Badb, Macha and Nemain or Badb, Macha and Anu. I’ve even seen 3 Badbs or 3 Nemains. I’ve seen UPG combinations. The list goes on.

But let’s go back to the primary triplicity...this one is found in the lore, I might mention. The listing is for Badb, Macha and the Morrigan, whose name is Anand. Which, in case you didn’t know, is one of the cognates of Anu.

Now, we can look at this two ways:

1. So this just means that Anu is one of the goddesses associated with the Morrigan. Anu, who everyone probably associates with all those pictures of mothers that I posted to be antagonizing. Who personifies the land, might be the same as Danu (who IS Mother of the Tuatha De Dannan, IS a Mother Goddess)...who is all about all those life and rebirth and fertility things I mentioned...

2. Anannd is the Morrigan. Which means Anu and the Morrigan are the same goddess in different aspects. What about Danu? Which means Anu REALLY isn’t who we think she is, at least personality wise.

I really have doubts about #1. For the simple fact that the other goddesses are associated with her, and Anu was said to BE her, outright. So that really leaves us with #2...which we should look into further.

--- Anu and the Morrigan---

Some information on Anu...Anu is mostly known for being a bounteous Earth-mother type, associated with the wealth and abundance of the Earth. Morpheus Ravenna (Pg.101) also suggests alternative definitions of the name, such as womb or vessel. Hmmm! Her breasts are immortalized as the Paps of Anu (and I do believe the Morrigan has a similar monument): two mountains in green and lovely Ireland in the shape of breasts, with expertly placed cairns on the top and center. While she doesn’t have any known myths herself, she has been described as “the one who nursed the gods”, and she has often been put in the shadow of, or completely identified, with Danu (more in a minute). To quote Ravenna, again, “...once we have disentangled her from the shadow of Danu, we can more easily recognize her own maternal identification as a territorial land-goddess and provider of wealth and plenty through the land itself...Anu is mother not in the sense of primal creatrix, but in the sense of one who nurses, nourishes and sustains.” (Pg.106) A goddess of the Earth, of the fertility of the land.

As I will say below, there is more than one way to Mother.

(By the way, “Book of the Great Queen” by Morpheus Ravenna is my absolute favorite out there, and is worth every penny to get it. I heartily suggest you get your own copy.)

Okay, fine: I’ve pointed out that the Morrigan and Anu are equated and I’ve talked a bit about Anu. It sounds like they have nothing in common and we should leave Anu and Danu together and forget this whole mess.

Well...except that Anu and the Morrigan DO have some pretty important things in common.

- not only is she equated with the Morrigan several times (yep, several), she is listed, with Macha and Badb, as a daughter of Ernmas.

- She is EXPLICITLY IDENTIFIED with the Morrigan, as the goddess bearing the name as a title. Morrigan, who is Anand could be read as “The Great Queen, who is Anand”, using the name Morrigan as a title.

- They both intimately identify with the land and fertility and they both have similar monuments, i.e. the Paps.

- Both are linked to poetry.

-Anu, like the Morrigan, is thought to be one of the wives of the Dagda.

-Sometimes, Anu is said to bear three sons who are smiths, similar to the Morrigan.

On the surface, they are very different. But underneath, through the cult of the land, fertility and sovereignty, they link intimately. The lore we have to identify with even identifies the two as one. You CAN’T get more explicit as that!

(Ravenna, Pg. 102-105)

However, that leaves the question of Danu. Some like to say that Anu was absorbed by Danu, and that the two are one divinity. They certainly seem to have more in common.

Except that scholars and pagans are split over wither or not Danu existed in the ancient world. Unlike with Anu, Danu’s existence may be purely literary as even her name is a reconstruction from the name of her people. Many of the traces we do find of her can be attributed to either Anu or the Morrigan. She and the Morrigan have the same father and again, Danu is the mother of the same set of triplets.

However, I would like to say that the Tuatha De Dannan would not be the same without Danu, and whatever her origins, she is a living, vibrant goddess now! (Perhaps, evidence of UPG gone right.) As opposed to Anu’ s earthy fertility, Danu has become a Mother in the way of Divine Creatrix, an ancestral figure, a maternal source of secrets, strategy and wisdom...the personification, if you will, of the divine waters of creation.

And while I leave it up to you to make up your own mind, I do not equate the two. I think of them (The Morrigan and Danu) as sisters with tastes in common, but who are different enough as they wouldn’t be mistaken one for the other. Perhaps the absorption of Anu’s cult, at whatever time, has done this? Finally, I do not equate the two since it is not in the lore, and is not at all mentioned.

And so, Anu/Anand and the Morrigan are one...Anu gives the Morrigan a whole different presence, the Morrigan gives Anu a different vibe. Perhaps both names fit the same complex, savage, loving, wonderful goddess.

This is actually why I call myself Anand Morrighan- in homage to my mother as a Mother of Life, as the land upon which I stand that feeds me, helps be get stronger, shapes me and then will eat my bones and drink my blood when I am placed back in her arms.

(Yes, I am aware that my Irish is terrible. I’m working on it. In the meantime, it is what it is!)

Because of course your Land shapes you. Where you live. Where you’re from. Where you’re going. Where you will rest. It’s a two-way relationship, though we don’t know it anymore.

---So, what kind of Mother IS the Morrigan?---

Well, to draw from other cultures, she’s not Demeter. She’s not Isis. She’s not the Coatlicue or Gaia and she’s not any other you can think of. Although, these mothers also have their terrible aspects.

But considering everything, and using the Wiki definition (since it’s there and easy to get to), “A mother goddess is a goddess who represents, or is a personification of nature, motherhood, fertility, creation, destruction or who embodies the bounty of the earth”...The Morrigan can MORE than add “Mother” to her titles, based on this alone.

Let me ask you one question...why assume an Earth Mother is soft? Is Gaia soft? Would Uranus call her soft, who loved him and them had him castrated? How about Coatlicue, who wore a necklace of human hearts, hands and skulls, and was depicted as a loving mother and insatiable monster...still a mother? Is Demeter always soft, who would have let creation die unless her daughter was returned to her, who still lets the world freeze, in some parts to death, waiting for Persephone? I’m sure you can think of other examples.

But don’t worry, the land is a brutal mother, and she has to be- I am not saying that the Morrigan is a fluffy, sugary mother. Quite the opposite. Because, well, what is life, if not war?

In our cushy lives, we’ve forgotten that survival is not a guarantee. Some places in the world truly know this. The same land that lifts up the crop devastates it, or withholds it all together. Storms run through and our blood feeds the earth, just as the same storm cleanses the junk we’ve stuffed the land with. She, as the fertility of the earth, makes the buds blossom and as the land in blight, makes them wither. Livestock flourish, as if cradled, and then fall to disease. The weak and feeble among the newborn do not survive the winter. The same hand that blesses, chastises.

The Morrigan is the mother who would fight to the death to defend her children, who would sacrifice our of her own self to nourish us and watch us thrive...but she’s still the same mother who would cull the pack, leave behind who couldn’t follow and, without hesitation, fatally wound to ultimately cure.

Because life is war, in the end. And the Morrigan is a goddess of war. All aspects of war. But especially victorious, bloody war. And life is a bloody endeavor from the beginning.

Our Mother is a good mother...but she’s a brutal Mother, too. I believe the term often used is “Dark Mother”? She is strong, warlike and uncompromising, even in her tenderness and her love. But having her love is more than worth it.

(Mother by Someone really awesome)

#Morrigan #Celtic #faery magick #celtic reconstructionism #Celtic Shamanism

46 notes · View notes

skeletorific · 7 years

Note

How would UT, US and SF sans and papyrus be with an S/O who really likes affection but would never admit it and they flustered and speechless easily because no ones has never really been nice to them before so they don't really know how to accept it.

Last Undertale fluff in my askbox for a while, fair warning. Also this was too cute not to do the Fell bros for too

UT!Sans: He’s pretty hesitant because he doesn’t want to accidentally cross boundaries. Sure, he likes being affectionate with his partner as much as the next guy, but he’s not particularly needy when it comes to flirting or touch, so if you look uncomfortable chances are he’ll just stop. If you want that lovin you’re going to have to tell him fairly explicitly that you actually really enjoy the attention. Once he’s got the green light, he kind of likes to make you blush, but for the early stages of the relationship he’s walking on eggshells because he’s still figuring out the difference for you between “no stoooooooop >u

UT!Papyrus: This comes up early. Like, first date early. Papyrus wooing, as we all know, is no small feat. He’s actually thrilled when he sees the first signs of a blush on you. Clearly he’s having an effect! Once you start descending into the True Fluster™, though, he stops immediately, a bit crestfallen. Why do you look so uncomfortable? Is he doing something wrong? Are you…do you not like it? Like his brother, you’re going to have to explain pretty clearly that you’re okay with this. Still, once he understand, he doesn’t tone down one bit, so you are soon subject to all the affection your heart could desire. He doesn’t really believe you that he’s the first to be this nice. Surely someone like you must have had many admirers, at least platonically! Still, whether or not the deficit actually exists, he is more than happy to fill in any void.

UF!Sans: Open affection (as in the sweet kind) isn’t really his thing but he loves flustering you. Getting you so red-faced and stammery that you can’t string a sentence together is one of his favorite things to do. Most of it stems from that possessive streak of his. He likes knowing he has an effect, and he wants everyone else to know it too. He’ll flirt, hug, kiss, wink, do anything to get a reaction. Unlike Tale he’s not waiting for permission. He’s going until you tell him to stop. If you lay out boundaries, he’ll respect them, but you’re going to have to tell him. He’s not much for self-control with stuff like this, especially if he finds out that you like it that much. The fact that he’s the first to treat you like this is the cherry on top. He likes spoiling you more than ever, knowing that anyone else who tries to get with you will inevitably be compared to him. He’s gonna make damn sure that in this area at least, its not even a fair contest.

UF!Papyrus: EXACTLY the same way. The one major difference, though, is that for as much as he likes the affection, he hates being flustered in public more. He refuses to initiate any kind of flirtation, cuddling, or romantic gesture of any kind in public in the hopes that you won’t either. In private, he has the capacity to be affectionate, but its not something that comes very naturally to him. He’s going to need a lot of positive encouragement, and seeing you flustered isn’t exactly the reaction he’s going for. The more blushy and shy you get the more likely he is to get frustrated and just give up. Both of you are going to have to compromise. For your part, smiling more, leaning into touches, even the most stammered thank you for compliments……these are all easier for him to understand as “yes, more please”. Over time he’ll learn to kind of enjoy flustering you a bit, as well as become more comfortable being affectionate. As long as its just the two of you. Because for as cold and hard as he pretends to be, deep down, Boss just wants to know he makes you as happy as he thinks you deserve to be.

US!Sans: He’ll check with you every now and then to make sure you really are enjoying it, but if you’re enjoying it, then he likes making his partner blush almost as much as Red does. Blue’s too used to being treated like a child. There is nothing more humiliating than trying to get your mac daddy game on and hearing someone say “AWWW HOW CUTE!” So the idea that he can fluster anyone is both new and extremely appealing. He liked being affectionate anyways, this is just a new incentive to be even more so. ESPECIALLY in public.

US!Papyrus: Genuine affection is….honestly more difficult for him than you’d expect. Flirtation? Yes. All of the yes. He’ll get you to blush that way no problem. But affection requires a certain level of openness and vulnerability that’s a bit tricky for him. Stretch is always very aware of how he’s being perceived (or at least how he thinks he is) and he prefers to control that perception, to hide behind a smartass persona that’s never bothered by anything. Trying to be affectionate strips that from him. Admitting to stuff he genuinely finds adorable, sweet, stuff that makes his head spin…he can learn, but it’ll take time. Still, he finds himself well rewarded with every blush and stammer. He really likes flustering his partner, especially ambushing them with it around the house.

SF!Sans: Flustering is exactly what he’s going for in all of his flirting. In fact, if you genuinely don’t like being flustered you likely aren’t that good a match for him. Your reactions only spur him on to greater heights. Still, the fact that he’s the first to treat you this well sticks in his craw. True, he doesn’t like to think of you being someone else’s partner, but you’d think even a friend or family member would have….would have reached out to you, treat you with enough kindness that this wouldn’t be as big a deal. He loves the fact that this attention means so much to you while at the same time almost wishing it meant less. You deserve to have been cared for by more than him.

SF!Papyrus: You getting this flustered from even his basic affections throws him off balance a bit. He can get flirtatious, but its generally at a later stage, when he’s a little more sure of the relationship. In a way you getting flustered kind of flusters him, and at points it hard to tell who’s blushing more. But he really likes having this effect. He really likes knowing that you crave his attention as much as he craves yours, and that you are just as ill-prepared to handle it as he is. In general he keeps that to himself, hoards your blushes as something only he can bring out. But every now and then he can’t resist it in public. Its not often he gets power, and he’s enjoying himself immensely. Still, the tables are very easily turned if he starts getting too smug.

#undertale #underfell #underswap #swapfell #sans #papyrus #uf!sans #uf!papyrus #us!sans #us!papyrus #sf!sans #sf!papyrus #easily flustered s/o #headcanon #fluff

206 notes · View notes

peachymess · 7 years

Note

1/4 I realize this might be a wrong topic for this blog, but I enjoy your mature take on these things, so I thought I’d give it a go. I, once again, just have to wonder out loud how there are still so many snk fans who believe Eren and Mikasa romance? I realize that the ending of s2 left us on a high note for the romance, but literally everything else in the manga speaks against it more or less. In fact, if you really think about it, Isayama pretty much ended it in ch 50, but I guess he didn’t

2/4 say it clear enough. I don’t say this to rile people up, I don’t say this out of spite or something like that. Like, honestly, there just really isn’t anything else that would back Ere//mika up in the manga. Maybe in shonen, but not by Isayama’s standards. People should, by now, now Isayama’s way of storytelling, and still they are seriously speculating about Ere//mika becoming canon at some point, while ignoring the obvious, more relevant stuff around them. I’m not a shipper, or read snk

¾ for romance, but what I do appreciate is well thought, wrote and explored relationships between characters, and if these kinds of relationships end up become romantic ones, then I’m all for it. I see people hoping Mikasa get a character development before the manga ends, and honestly, one of the greatest things Isayama could grant her, is to make her give up on Eren in a sense she can free herself and start living as her own person again. Maybe it’s my age and I’m getting old for cheesy,

4/4 cliche shonen stuff, but snk has maintained its unique and mature touch despite being serialized in a shonen magazine. As for Eren and Armin, since I feel I need to touch this as well, and it’s the theme of this blog. I certainly appreciate for what Isayama has done with them in a story being published in this kind of magazine. I’m storyteller myself, and could probably continue about this topic for ages, but I guess I end it here. Have a nice day.

Hello, anon! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me! I’m honored that you’d want my input!

(Disclaimer: this got really long, so I’m putting up a “keep reading” - please proceed with the knowledge that I’m not an ere//mika shipper, and that our opinions may differ. I’m not interested in trying to be converted, but once my inbox re-opens, feel free to discuss the topic with me in a mature fashion, if you want my further input on this topic):

Yes, I realize it’s always a risk of riling people up when someone who doesn’t ship the pair in question, takes on an ask about said ship - but I’ll do my best to give my own personal opinion in a mature and coherent fashion. Just like you, I don’t talk about it to bug people, but obviously I have my own thoughts on the subject - and in my case, I lean towards the same conclusion as you: that ere//mika was not written not be a romance. I’m still on the fence about how much or how little Isayama actually intended for Mikasa to read as in love with Eren, as opposed to motherly protective/childlike dependent on - but I also think it doesn’t matter either way; I don’t believe Eren was meant to reciprocate romantic feelings towards her, even if she was designed to be smitten with him.

No, I think that Mikasa’s strong feelings for Eren were supposed to be a sign of her being a lost and misguided title girl (and I say this not in a spiteful way, but in the endearing “protect her” kind of way); we know that the Ackerbond and the Ackerawakening are two different things, but for Mikasa, Eren was the one whom she both got her awakening from, and whom she imprinted on. This all in the midst of Mikasa violently losing her parents as a very young child, then instantly being taken in by Eren. It makes sense that a girl who’s overwhelmed with all of these intense shifts at the same time, would start to cling to the safe center of all of this; Eren. He saved her, woke her up, wrapped her in a scarf that would come to be a symbol of this spiritual rescue and more, invited her “home”, and she of course imprinted on him. … Listen, I’d like to add a personal story time digression here: I used to be bullied at school, and none of the boys ever talked to me unless it was to taunt me. Then one day, when I was 12, we got assigned new seats in the classroom, and I ended up next to a boy who actually started talking to me. I was so grateful that he’d have a conversation with me, that I quickly became smitten with him. I thought I was in love with him, but in reality, I was just in love with how good I felt whenever he’d make me feel like an accepted, normal human being. I kept nurturing this idea of love and it grew for months, until one evening when I joined a game of spin the bottle, and I was asked to reveal my crush. I said it, even with him right there, and despite his vague shrug and smile, I felt an intense relief at getting it off my chest. And just like that, the idea of romance left me. I realized that I loved the person he made me feel like I was. And once I realized that, I was able to hold on to that idea, even when he wasn’t there to produce it. … In many ways, I see myself in Mikasa regarding this. I feel like Mikasa’s attachment to Eren can be read very alike my own attachment to this boy. I think Mikasa spent a lot of years nursing her dependency on Eren because even if she didn’t know anything else for certain, she knew one thing: she loved the feeling of safety and belonging that Eren provided, when nobody and nothing else seemed stable in life. I’m also strongly inclined to believe that she, a young teen full of emotions, could have started to mistake her feelings for a standard crush - but if so, I don’t believe the right way to resolve it, would be to indulge her. Of course, you speak of standard shonen love, and I see how ere//mika could become that, if this was meant to be an unproblematic shone story (their grey-are sibling-y bond is nowhere near “out of bounds” if you compare them to a lot of the onii-chan culture you can find in Japan).

However, SNK isn’t meant to be a regular shonen story; Isayama seems to take not only pride, but also pleasure in avoiding tropes and turn things on its head - of course only to a certain degree, given he’s published through BSM and have a wide YT audience. I am, regardless, very confident that if there’s one department Isayama doesn’t leave unpolished, it’s characters, their dynamics, and their inner workings; I think 3D characters is one of the strongest aspects of his story, and that’s why I’m much more inclined to believe that Eren and Mikasa’s bond is meant to be complex and full of friction. And frankly, I’d say that’s to be preferred; if they became a regular romance, that’s something we’ve all seen many times before, but so far, what I’m seeing, is something significantly more complex - and personally, I feel like it’s deeper this way, too. Look, the incest discourse has been pulled out many times, so I’ll try to make this brief, but I feel like it’s important point to touch upon: we can argue until we’re blue in the face in either direction. It was never stated that the Yeagers ever officially adopted Mikasa, as opposed to just took her in for charity. And either way, there’s a relevant question posed of “does it matter, when she only lived with them for a year?” You can see Mikasa being referred to as “adopted sister” and “motherly” in many Q&As, but then the very same, or other authoritarian sources can do a 180 and produce content that almost explicitly shows Mikasa in love with that very same “adopted brother”. So what are we supposed to believe? I can’t tell you that, but I can tell you my personal take on it: The reason incest is illegal, has to do with biology. If you inbreed, there’s a much bigger risk of genes “malfunctioning” in offsprings. The reason it’s seen as disgusting, is - beyond the biological - that the regular person wouldn’t want to “do it” with a family member, and thus shudders by the thought of someone else finding a situation that they see as uncomfortable, pleasurable. This is why some people can argue that it’s not incest (and/or unnatural) if two adoptive siblings have sex; it doesn’t compromise the offspring, which was the reason the act would be illegal. Now, the people still claiming it’s incest, say it’s so because they realize that there’s more to the act than the physical; you’re not supposed to feel sexually attracted to someone you view as your own flesh and blood - and so, if you truly view an adopted siblings as your sibling, you shouldn’t fancy them. In a sense, both sides of “it’s incest/it’s not incest” are right on paper. But I’d advice against downplaying what role being adopted into a family actually plays; an adopted child is taken into a family with the intention of being a spiritual part of the family just as much as any other biological child - and that’s why, unless otherwise stated, an adopted sibling should be viewed as 100% another member of the family (and thus not an romantic option). But this is generally speaking. Bringing it back to ere//mika, my stance is this: it’s not biologically compromising, so it all comes down to how Eren and Mikasa view each other. The vibe I got from them, personally, was that they were to be seen as family (hence, perhaps, why I did not see the romantic inkling until I heard about it through tumblr and went back to re-read). If they are both comfortable seeing each other as a romantic partner, then I won’t get in their way, but I’m not sure this is the case - and mind you, both of them have to agree on this; if Mikasa waves, it doesn’t matter so long as Eren sees her as family.And welp, I said I’d try to make this brief, but true to my character, I failed horribly at that. No matter; my point is: whether ere//mika is incest or not, is grey-area because their situation is so unique. And I think it may be intentional: this arguing back and forth could very likely be exactly the uncertainty Mikasa is wrestling with in her own approach to her feelings on Eren. Are they siblings, or are they not? Are they family in the traditional sense, or are they family in the expanded sense that all three of them (EMA) belong together? If she feels butterflies towards him that seem different than regular familial love, is it love? Is it ok to be love? Etc., etc.,… On top of this, she seems, as I talked about, to be very deponent on him - which is, mind you, completely understandable. But it makes for a complex conceptions of feelings that are neither here nor there. And that’s why I think resolving it like a regular shonen romance, would be a cop-out on Isayama’s part. Something I don’t expect him to opt for, given what a driven story teller he’s been so far.

Isayama has spoken of how Mikasa letting go of Eren, would be a return to innocence. And I think I understand that, if what I’m saying is anywhere near what Isayama was thinking when he made these two. Because Mikasa isn’t perfect; she may be strong - she’s and Ackerman after all - but she suffered a lot of trauma, and she’s still a young child in literal war. It would only make sense that she’d be less than master of her inner workings. And this constant nursing of the one beacon she has, wouldn’t be healthy for anyone. That’s why I see her moment in chapter 50 as a level-up in her chemistry with Eren. She managed to put into words some of those feelings that must have been running on repeat in her heart ever since that fateful day with her parents… and she got a response that finally differed from Eren’s usual disgruntled retorts. Because just like Armin obviously didn’t hear from Eren what he thought of him, Mikasa didn’t hear that Eren did care about her despite all the bickering. I’ve spoken about this before, but Eren’s very certain in his feelings, and he doesn’t question them - but he also doesn’t express them because they appear as facts to him, so he doesn’t think to wonder if he needs to confirm them to others (well, he’s gotten better, too, but that’s besides the point). So all this time, Mikasa has been fighting tooth and nail to stay be Eren’s side because he’s given no indication that he’d stick around by choice. Of course, that’s exaggerating it, because obviously EMA love each other and they know it - but to what degree do they know it more than the doubt in their head disputes it? Well, Mikasa finally got her answer in 50, and that alone, helped her grow considerably. I think her feelings became more healthy after that. The way she steps down a little after 50, tells me that she didn’t need romance, she needed love. If the opposite had been the case, Eren’s response would not be a resolve, but rather the trigger event making the beginning of advances and Mikasa’s wish to further expand on what they both meant back there. However, Mikasa leans back and seems more assured of her spot (until Eren pulls back and starts talking more with Historia; I think both Mikasa and Armin are visibly affected by this). I realize it still remains for me to answer why I think people ship ere//mika, though. The simple answer is that romance is often the most appealing relationship, simpler or not. Is a complex and difficult relation more interesting? Maybe? But is it much more appealing to go with the ideal, fluffy, happy solution? For many, definitely! I think ere//mika is a very deep bond, as you can see, but also in the sense that it’s possible to interpret in so many different ways. People love love, and if they love Eren and/or Mikasa and want him/her to be happy, of course a happy romance is much more appealing - especially when it’s backed by so many intense canon moments! I won’t go through the manga to look it up myself, but you’ll definitely find a lot of ere//mika meta here on tumblr that will explain exactly who and how their bond can be read as romantic. Just yesterday, I answered an ask on why people would ship Armin with Annie, so honestly, there doesn’t even need to be a lot of canon to support a ship, for it to be appealing. But for those who think ere//mika will be canon, I thin my guess would be that fiction trains us to expect romance - and most often involving the main character. What more, we expect a straight couple, because that’s what’s most common - and just with those formulas alone, Eren with Mikasa seems like the obvious front runner. That being said, my take is the above rambles.

All in all, anon, I can definitely understand the popularity of ere//mika, but I don’t think it’s designed to be a regular romance. And although I prefer it as the sibling bond I see it as, if ere//mika is what would genuinely make Eren and MIkasa happy, I’d want that for them. I guess that’s why others ship it too.

#ask #anon #ship discourse

20 notes · View notes

murasaki-murasame · 7 years

Text

I was gonna reblog that post about how nobody should support toraonice or karice / whiteboxgems and how generally awful and homophobic they are, but for some reason it’s not working so I figured I may as well make a proper post about it. I guess that’s probably better than just awkwardly writing a whole long rant in the tags of a post.

This is probably gonna be the one post I make about this. I might still make joke-y posts about the topic of these two and the shit they say, and about Yuri on Ice antis/Victuuri no-homo-ers in general, but I need to make at least one serious post about this.

Rant under the cut. This is going to be angry and personal, and I try and be happy and upbeat and whatever on my blog most the time but it’s like 3am and my head’s a bit fuzzy and I need to get this off my chest, so bear with me. I apologize in advance for putting this on people’s dashes at all.

Firstly, I dislike calling people out by name, but these two deserve it. People should know to stay away from them. Obviously I’m not telling anyone to directly harass them but just . . . don’t support them. Don’t try and defend the shit they pull. Don’t buy into their no-homo translations.

I haven’t talked about it at all because it’s a dark part of my life I don’t want to think about if I can avoid it, but in the week or two after the anime ended I felt really negatively about it. I didn’t outright think it had all been bait, but I was close to that point, and the overall feeling of doubt and anxiety and fear was tearing into me for a while. It really did not help my recurring issues with depression, let me tell you. It’s not something I want to experience again. I always at least clung onto hope, but it was still an awful thing to go through.

And to be blunt, I honestly think that a big reason why I felt that way at the time was because of things these two said, and how many people passed their words around as gospel truth. They were just a part of it, sure, but still. I remember seeing their translations and whatnot when the show was still airing. But I had yet to understand that these two have their own weird biases, and that they’ve done this stuff before in other fandoms, and that they’ve been actively deceitful with some of their translations since basically day one.

So I feel a pretty good reason to hate them from that alone. If they meaningfully contributed to the stress and anxiety and depression of not even just me but also so many other people in this fandom, then they deserve to be called out.

I’ve been trying to avoid their blogs/twitters, but I still see people in the fandom reacting to what they say and calling them out, so I’ve still picked up on a lot of it, and christ, so much of it’s awful. Some of it’s more baffling than anything, like translating partner as ‘buddies’ for some godforsaken reason. But I’ve seen them say some pretty genuinely awful shit too. Like how one of them said that they’d outright drop the show if the central romance ‘became canon’, and that they didn’t think it ‘fit Yuri’s personality’ for him to be able to have a crush on Viktor and end up in a happy, healthy, mutually romantic relationship with him.

I guess I can’t tell exactly what angle they’re coming at with that one, but it seems pretty damn obvious, and as a person with crippling anxiety/low self-esteem/depression who has to constantly fight the recurring thought that he doesn’t deserve to ever find a boyfriend because of it, let me just say fuuuuuuuuck yoooooooou. This entire fictional relationship gives me so much self-confidence and so much hope for my own future across the board, so fuck you if you ever in a thousand years think that it doesn’t make sense for someone like Yuri to find happiness and love with someone else.

Also some of the shit I’ve seen them do with trying to spin Kubo and Yamamato’s statements about the relationship and the show in general to try and prove their own points and defend themselves and accuse other people of “““disrespecting the creators and their intent”““ by acknowledging the romance in the show is DISGUSTING. Not even gonna sugar-coat it. They even tried to make Kubo’s whole tweet about YoI basically existing in a homophobia-free world about them to stroke their own egos and that’s just crossing a line, honestly.

ALSO, this is about entirely different people, kinda, but now that I’m in the mood for venting, I just wanna complain a bit about people who are like ‘why do you even CARE that the CEO of Mappa talked explicitly about the romance in the show and Yamamato’s intent in creating it? What does it even MATTER??? The show speaks for itself, we don’t need outside confirmation, you should appreciate the text itself more, you shouldn’t care so much about what homophobes say’. Like. For one thing. Sure I should ignore what homophobes say, but guess what, HOMOPHOBIA SUCKS TO BE EXPOSED TO ONLINE, and I don’t always have the mental fortitude to healthily deal with it. And it’s not like I don’t care about the show itself and how much happened in the show itself. I just appreciate that everyone working on the show is being so open and clear about things now. It makes me really happy to see. I obviously see it as being more ‘reaffirmation’ than ‘confirmation’, but STILL. I’m allowed to appreciate shit like this and I’d appreciate not being indirectly accused of being a fake fan or whatever because of this.

#murasaki rants #this is too negative for me to want to put it in the tags #I don't need people to read this or anything #I'm just venting #people can like this but please don't reblog it #ok rant-time over #it's weirdly exhausting to get so much off my chest in one post #I should just go to bed

6 notes · View notes

sugasugasuga · 7 years

Text

mvs im kind of in love with (a wip)

#wyd by ikon - i love this one because i feel like with boy band mvs they often fall into the weird “6 boys (sometimes literally) chasing the same girl which proves most writers and directors and stuff are male because any woman would know that said girl would be scared for her life)” trope and this mv is the complete opposite, and portrays romance, or rather the cutesy precursor to romance (yes things aren't/shouldnt be inherently romantic but the vibe and interactions and overall feeling of the this song/mv hints at romance so well, i’m more than okay with it. it’s romantic, but this kind of romantic i support) so well. it’s rarely dramatic (or at least not the mv type of dramatic) and there’s not usually a GROUNDBREAKING moment where you confess your undying love for each other and live happily ever after. those kinds of stories can sometimes feel like more of a caricature of real life, whereas this feels like a snapshot of real life. it does an excellent job of showing those small little moments in the honey moon phase that lead up to romance. the characters are tiptoeing around each other and there’s nothing explicitly romantic but the combination of the music and visuals are enough; nothing needs to be explicitly romantic. one of my favourite things about mvs like this is that i don’t feel like i need to know the words theyre singing in order to understand. it just sort of speaks for itself in its own way and it portrays the emotions its trying to show so well since it doesnt solely rely on the lyrics. airplane (which i also really like, but not enough for it to make it on to the list “officially) does a similar thing, and i like that it has more of an arch than this one, but i do feel like looking up the lyrics for that made a lot more sense. at first i felt that the third wheeling/””friendzone”” (for the lack of a better word) thing felt a bit out of place and like they were trying to tell 2 different stories at once but now i feel like it’s just trying to portray a more fleshed out relationship

i am you, you are me by zico - this is my favourite music video of all time (i love the entirety of inu/run/the prologue etc more but that counts as more of a ‘mv series’ in my mind and you cant compare the two since they’re trying to achieve such different things). i feel overwhelmed by how much i love this mv every time i watch it. i genuinely can’t handle it and i have so many thoughts, starting to talk about it is kind of intimidating and i’ve been putting it off for ages. several months later: OK I REWATCHED IT LETS DO THIS. every time i watch this mv i am overwhelmed by how much i love it. every time im like “it cant be as good as i remember” but then it is. watching it just makes me feel so soft and warm and quiet. there’s nothing in the whole mv that feels out of place. i love the clothes, i love the hair, i love how natural everything feels. the set is phenomenal, it creates this strange, distant, otherworldly, completely independent little universe. the products that are perfectly lined up and the lights and the way colour and the flickering of the light/the tv is being used makes it feel a bit like a dream. the sparkle at the beginning also gives it a fairy tale kind of vibe. it just feels surreal, blending reality and fantasy in a really god way. the close ups of the people/the sets are being used in the perfect moments, it just creates this beautiful balance that just works so well together. there’s a lot going on, but it never feels like its too much. i love love l o v e the two characters interactions. the mv feels like a whole story that says soooo much without having to say anything at all. the exchanged looks and the gradual development and the interactions are just so perfect. its one of those things where things dont need to be explicitly romantic to be romantic, the combination of the visuals and the song just conveys this very specific feeling extremely well. i love the way they toe around each other and test each other a little bit, how it feels very careful and new at first but then gets more familiar. i love how they look at each other. i love the parts where they sit back to back and the camera spins around them. i love the part where you have a red close up of zico and she's layered above in blue. that could have looked strange but it works extremely well. everything in this mv feels like it happens or is there for a reason. it feels very intentional, but in a casual way, if that makes sense. i love the pace. i think this is partly caused by the fact that it looks like everything is just slightly slowed down, so it feels more relaxed and gives off this “we have all the time in the world” vibe, and also similar to the otherworldly feeling i mentioned earlier. i love how the sign went from opened/closed to opened/opened.i just dont even know how to say it but from 0:16-0:22, the way the perspectives are shown is just wonderful. i love the way its blurry for a split second at 0:12. i just love all the details. i love how this mv makes me feel. i want to live in this.

sentimental by winner - ngl i just love the way this is shot and the colours and the styling and chilled and lazy and careless atmosphere that the visuals and the song create, but also how it somehow shows this underlying frustration? looking up the lyrics helped with this one - i kinda guessed the whole “i miss u” thing because of the title and it has this bittersweetness to it? i just think that this is a great example of a series of seemingly borderline nonsensical/weird/”random” things (eg. the lobster, the bathtub, the guy dancing around with the cat or the guy riding the bike whilst lying on the floor) but it made sense, somehow? it felt like all those little details just showed the frustration and boredom and that they’re not quite sure what to do with themselves and how missing someone can drive you a little bit crazy. not to mention that the cat is a metaphor for “im going to die alone with 18 cats” and the bike thing reminds me a little bit of carousel by melanie martinez, in other words just feeling like you/a relationship is going nowhere. i also love the repeated use/portrayal of musical instruments (even/especially the ones where they go a bit crazy) because it feels like that shows working through your feelings through creativity and expressing yourself. and i also love the couple making out in random places because that’s essentially what it feels like when you like someone who likes someone else, them being with that person is always just sort of... there... i like the almost intruder-like portrayal of it here. i also love the separate rooms because they’re such a cool way to show the characters’ isolation and give them a bit of individuality, whilst still tying it all together with the band/kitchen sequences.

you’re the best by mamamoo - i like this one because it’s a great example of “we all like the same person but not in a way that suggests we want to kill them and wear their skin”. also, i love the song and the styling (mamamoo are the only people in this world that can pull off bootcut jeans) and the colours and the choreo and the set and the retro/vintagey vibe it all gives off and how the music video perfectly compliments the song and every things so bright and wonderful and i love the dorky moments and i love the scenes under the white sheet (one of the weirdest things ive said in a while) but theyre just so radiant and soft and i love the little animations, they’re so subtle it took me aaaages to see them and theyre so small and cute and fit really well (its not like lalaland floating galaxy dance that feels out of place) and its overall just such a wonderful experience to watch the mv and also i am in love with every single one of these girls

why so lonely by wonder girls - this one borders on including random things just for the sake of including random things, but it does it so well, i honestly dont care. you do need subs, i think? but its overall just so good that it doesnt matter too much. it just has this “i dont give a shit” in such a classy, controlled, badass lana del rey way. i watched this for the first time when it first came out, i think, about 9 months ago? and i still haven't stopped thinking/forgotten about it, simply because it was so unlike anything ive ever seen before and i honestly wasn’t even sure whether i like it or not. but i do. i love the blocky colors and the styling and the set and the actual format/size of the video and how you have the black borders on the side and how they all fit together perfectly to create this vintage/retro/strange different reality or its own world. the fact that they all perform/sing with this deadpan face and intense eye contact is also that perfect kind of strange that just goes really well with the entire mv. i love the ending and i love that it has this little arch to it, even if its kind of a crazy one, but i love that it’s not wannabe badass (like me lol) or cutesy, it’s just so fucking cool and well made in its own way.

fine by taeyeon this is the one. the mv that will be the death of me. i love how simple this was and that the way it was shot and the variety and the colours and how pretty it was in a soft, subtle way made it really really interesting or ’’’moving’’’’ i guess. (i always say the same thing, i know, but these are just the things i love about mvs??) the underlying theme/repeated use of photographs and that type of imagery to indicate the passing of time and memories was just stunning and perfect and added this feeling of nostalgia and missing someone/something and perfectly complimented the song. i love that this is another one that just feels really sincere and real and not dramatic at all, all the interactions between the couple are just really really cute and i love that one moment where she's just in the kitchen drinking a glass of water because (at least i think that) it’s this strange relatable feeling of being a bit lost and just thinking and wandering around the house and drinking a glass of water and thinking about stuff. it’s just overall wonderful.

never ever by got7 - this is just beautiful. that’s the only way to describe it. all the scenes are gorgeous and well balanced, if that makes sense? i love the colours and the contrast between the white and the bluish black with just enough vibrant colours to make it interesting and the smoke thing and the outfits its all just well rounded, somehow. id be OBSESSED with this band if they were on spotify

fxxk it by bigbang - this ones slightly different bc i saw the mv a while back and i thought it was alright but then i went to hoho’s k pop shop in london and picked up 2 like, credit card sized poster type bigbang things so i was like “guess i should give them another try” and i listened to more of their stuff and i really really really like this song (and a lot of their other songs, actually?? i had no idea that they’ve recently been making so much chilled music?? i guess i just kept thinking of fantastic baby when i heard bigbang) and i think its just another instance of the mv matching the song really well. and i love the styling and colors. i say that every time bUT JUST LOOK AT IT ITS SO COOL

crooked by g-dragon - i just kind of assumed ive already talked about this because its one of my favourites and it has been for like a year or something?side note before i rewatch it and give my detailed opinions: coup d’etat reminds me of a very specific couple of weeks of my life. it basically just feels like walking to the my best friend’s place in may or june in the evenings last year and its still light and really nice and warm and im wearing ripped jeans and doc martens and my leather jacket and me and my best friend hang out and watch a movie or walk around while we’re ”””””studying”””” and its just a. lot. but ANYWAY i just love this so much. i love the song and the music video s o m u c h. not just because i have this weird sentimental connection to it. i just feel like it conveys this feeling of helpless, reckless, careless, self destructive badassness so strongly that there is no doubt about it, regardless of the lyrics. i looked them up once and i forgot and im sure theyre good but i just really feel like the sound and the visuals combine so well that theyre a bonus rather than something you need to understand. it just makes me feel this strange sense of pity and it has that kind of underlying sense of sadness and despair and loneliness and not being sure what to do with yourself and not quite belonging but covering it all with this appearance of not caring even though you care so much at the same time and i just love it so much. all i know is that walking places whilst listening to g-dragon is a very unique, specific feeling that i love

she's a baby by zico - since i am you, you are me is basically my favourite mv ever i put off watching this for like 2 weeks. i was kinda nervous, ngl?? idek know why tbh? i guess i didnt want to be disappointed? but maaan. i was not disappointed. of course i dont like it as much as i am you, but i love love love that it has the same gentle pastel vibe and it just made me feel all soft inside and it made me smile and i just love it. im not gonna go on about how much i love the colors and the way its shot and stuff bc i say the same thing every time but jusT LOOK AT IT. its GORGEOUS.

rumor by kard - this looks cool as fuck on your phone, i really really like the song and just generally love that kard always does completely new, different stuff and does it super well. (i just love their music in general bc their lyrics mean soooo much to me whenever i feel A Lot)

neverland by holland - boy where to even start with this one. to begin with, i want to take the first 30 seconds and hang them up on my wall. tattoo them on my body. they’re just so quiet and pretty and perfect. i love the yellow neverland font. and just the contrast between the dark scenes where he’s alone and the brightness of the beach and the sky when they’re together???? SO damn good. the combination of the two makes the mv feel like it’s like a memory - when you think of someone you used to like, you think about all of it. it’s not just the good and it’s not just the bad, in a way, you’re brain smashes it all together. it just does such an excellent job of making you feel something. and the interactions between the two boys. they’re so cute and soft together but the mv also manages to give their relationship a bit of depth and it’s just great to watch. and their kiss might be my favourite “tv” kiss ever? i usually just find kisses in movies and tv shows (especially dramas) very “whatever” but this one was just so cute. they’re so cute. it’s just great. and i love the sound of the actual music so much? i’m usually not into soft music but this is actually so damn good????? im honestly just dying for holland to make more music

#mine #long post

1 note · View note