#hopefully tumblr hasn’t made it any more difficult to set up | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

httpteddybear · 4 years

Text

Cherry | Harry Styles

SUMMARY; After Harry gets his heart broken once again, he swears off love, until Y/n and her dog bring him a delicious gift and their friendship along with it.

WARNING(S); Cursing, disgustingly adorable fluff, a v cute cameo from my real dog Peachy!! (send her some kisses), slow burn, angst if you squint

WORD COUNT; 7.8k

AUTHORS NOTE; Hey, this is for @tiostyles Fine Line challenge, give her a follow! Also, this is my first time publishing my writing so I’m so so sorry if it’s terrible. Forgive me if it's written badly. I wrote this on Tumblr so sorry if it looks funny or anything. Also pls give all the love to my dog peachy she loves attention. (thanks to @lostincalum @h0tsos for reading a bit of this) Happy Reading!!

“I don’t know what to say to you except I’m sorry.”

Harry was everything but okay. He’d just found out that the girl he had pined over for months obviously didn’t feel the same. Now Harry was a smart man. He knew the ins and outs of his career and who he should and shouldn’t let into his life, which is why he was so baffled that he’d chosen the wrong person to let into his heart. She’d met Gemma and Anne, even a few of his cousins, and they’d all loved her. It was quite heart wrenching because even though she’d just told him the number one thing that would end a relationship, he still loved her.

“J-Just don’t call him baby, okay?”

—

It’d been almost two months since he’d seen Camille and his life wasn’t really alright. He wasn’t fully over her, she was incorporated into his daily life. His clothes, his thoughts, his eating habits, his favourite tv shows, everything. Somehow everyone found out within a matter of days what had happened, so he got an earful from Jeff. Then he got the sympathy from his family.

The only thing worse than both of those was the pity. When he went to get coffee the barista said she “hoped he was okay.” While giving him his coffee, and then Harry had seen a group of fans and the first thing that was said to him was “you poor baby.” That had set him off. Because even though it was tough, he was not a baby. He could do his own laundry and make his own food. He was not dependent on Camille for any of that, it was just nice to have someone by his side in a non-platonic way. Don’t get him wrong, he still put on a smile as they belittled him a bit. It was what he did.

So currently Harry was sitting on his couch, watching Disney movies. He felt more comfortable in his London home than the one in L.A. so he gathered his essentials and hopped on a plane. He was in a big knit sweater and some sweats. He felt content as ever. He had sort of swore off love when the Camille situation happened, so this feeling of contentment was nice. Inside his home he didn’t really have to worry about prying eyes or people judging him, so wrapped in large clothes looking very small was okay. It was okay outside of home too, but he always had a knack for looking somewhat presentable. He liked to be pretty. As did everyone but it made Harry feel like he was on top of the world. If he had the courage to wear a dress he damn sure would.

As Harry was finishing up he’d decided it was time for a cat nap. So that’s what he did. He didn’t bother to take off his clothes, just lazily pulling himself up the stairs and into his room before crashing down on his bed, pulling the duvet over his feet and up to his neck before rolling to his right side. He’d always been a side sleeper. From what his mom said, at least.

—

“Peachy! Who’s my good girl? Who’s my best girl?”

Somehow peach had found the other shoe Y/n was looking for, and that warranted some love. Y/n smiled as the Samoyed licked her happily. They were about to go on a walk to explore the new neighborhood. Y/n had judged moved into an adorable two-bedroom, one-bath, yellow house. Y/n was the epitome of someone you’d find living in that type of house. With her vanilla perfume, big fluffy Samoyed dog, and overall happy personality, the homeowner thought she was the perfect candidate to rent to.

Going on her way, Y/n decided she’d take a walk somewhere she hasn’t driven through, her best option was essentially a rich community, but she didn’t care. Her dirty shoes hit the pavement alongside Peach, watching as her dog sniffed everything in sight. Turning the corner, she found the cutest little bakery, and her excitement showed. Walking up to the brick building, she’d immediately seen the sign in bold. “NO DOGS.” Frowning, Y/n looked around. She started to walk to the pole she was going to tie peach too, but then she heard squeals.

“Mommy! Doggie!”

It didn’t bother her, so she rerouted.

“Hi miss, is it okay if my dog loves on your little munchkin? She’s very sweet and I’ve heard your child’s excitement.”

The mother smiled at how kind the girl was before nodding. Y/n brought peach over, and she was overjoyed to see the tiny child immediately clutching on.

After a few moments of her chatting with the mother, her stomach decided to make itself know. So she politely excused herself cursing at her stomach for ruining an adorable moment. Tying peach to the grey pole, she trotted inside the bakery. It was mostly empty minus the couple sharing a moment by the window and the assumed college student typing away.

“Hi, welcome to Wall Street Bakery! What can I get you?”

Y/n had to scan over the menu, they had everything from cackle to scones, so it was a difficult choice. But she’d finally agreed on a cup of whipped cream, for peach, and a half a dozen cupcakes. She didn’t know what she’d do with the extra, but she’d figure it out. Pulling nineteen pounds from her purse, she told the girl to keep the change, and she was on her way.

Peach had, as expected, ate all the whipped cream from the medium size cup. Y/n had a single cupcake before she was stuffed, in her defense, she had four slices of pizza, so this was just a tiny snack for her. She didn’t know why she ordered six, but she knew she’d find something to do with the remaining. She and peach started to walk again, taking all kinds of turns and twists, but not enough to lose their tracking. Suddenly Y/n came to a beautiful White House. It looked elegant, so she stopped to admire.

In her mind it wasn’t really creepy, she was just admiring the luxury. The more she looked the clearer everything became. Including the figure in the window of the second story. He sat idle, maybe reading or listening to music, she couldn’t quite tell. He looked dainty, fragile even. So Y/n knew where the five cupcakes would go. She swiftly pulled out a sticky note and a pen and got to work.

‘Hopefully, this sweetens up your day!’

-Y/n :)

—

Harry was listening to music. Mainly Stevie Nicks if we’re honest. He’d decided that today was going to be a relaxing day, which means that going to the studio was out of the agenda. Jeff was okay with it, stating that he had to have a meeting with someone else anyway. So Harry had a fully free relax day. So social media, television, and laziness were his full schedule. Harry had almost gotten caught up with his timeline then his stomach rumbled. He got up, going downstairs. He walked through the living room, still hearing Disney Channel from the tv. Finally getting to the kitchen, he started looking.

Now, after countless walk between the cabinets and the fridge, Harry just gave up. He decided to be a tiny bit productive by getting the mail. Harry slipped his feet in the weirdly angled slippers by the door and walked outside. Harry looked like a proper dad right now, clad in pajama sweat pants, a robe with no shirt under, and fuzzy slippers. As soon as he got outside he saw a pastel pink box with a yellow sticky note on it. Harry wasn’t crazy, but maybe this was something from Camille. Maybe a box of his favourite red velvet cupcakes that her mom made, or maybe a truce. He tried not to get his hopes up. He also wasn’t stupid. So there was no way he was opening that box inside. Just in case.

So, carefully, he grabbed the sticky note from on top of the box. His eyes scanned the letters as a small smile came to his face. Whoever this was, seemed nice and trustworthy, from what he could gather from the tiny paper. So he opened the box, just having to take the small piece of tape that was on the box. Inside we’re a mix of vanilla and chocolate cupcakes, and while it wasn’t red velvet, they looked pretty promising. Again, Harry didn’t know this stranger, and he was a bit of a skeptic when it came to random gifts on his doorstep. But for an unknown reason, he felt inclined to just trust his gut. He was getting far too hangry to worry about death.

He picked up a chocolate cupcake and bit off about half in one bite. Trust and believe that he moaned at the taste. When you deprive yourself of sweets for a healthy diet, a bite into any kind of sweet felt like you were on acid in cake land. So Harry forgot all about the mail and swiftly took the box inside, kicking the door closed with his foot. Now he was almost one hundred percent sure that his whole day would be filled with the sweet-savory taste of these cupcakes.

Harry was very grateful for y/n the cupcake giver, whoever they may be.

Y/n felt like she was doing well in life, not astronomically good, but well. She didn’t have any major issues, she was generally acceptable by society. Well, her generation society, cause, of course, some piercing, tattoos, weight, and anything seemly not normal to grandmas around the world was a sin. She got okay grades in school and had a nice job. She had enough money for a tiny yellow house, a dog, and of course herself, so in her mind, she was doing more than good. but for some reason, not having a significant other was the biggest problem for anyone who found out. Y/n had boyfriends, girlfriends, flings, she dabbled in just about anything she felt, but for the past three years, getting her and her pet a life was the most important thing at the time. Now, y/n wasn’t opposed to having someone around. Maybe the cute girl at the coffee shop, her curly hair, dark skin contrasting against striking blue eyes, and pearly white smile was enough to give y/n butterflies as she finished her scone that day. Or the cute boy in the window, there was just something about him. Y/n liked him enough to give him five beautiful delicious cupcakes, so that should say something.

Pop culture was something that y/n was very interested in. Every now and then she’d find herself drooling over Calum Hood on her feed or staring at a paused shot of Zendaya in Euphoria for twenty-three minutes. She loved seeing people grow and she could even say that she was a fan. In fact, if you showed her the music video for Best Song Ever, she’d probably burst in your face with “Niall, do the shimmy, do the shimmy, do the shimmy, and Zayn pirouette and Louis do the splits, and Liam you stay exactly where you are because you are PERFECT,”

Y/n loved things like that, it was amazing to see people get credit when they deserve it. Sure she was heartbroken when My Chemical Romance broke up, maybe she cried for two hours when One Direction broke up, but she got over it. She could proudly listen to Welcome to the Black Parade without crying and she even kept up with Niall and Harry, not like she used to, but she tried to like a picture every now and then. Y/n was a go with the flow kind of girl, she moved on from things quickly and saw the good in things. which is why she was very confused seeing #camillerowecancelled all over her timeline. it was hard to not click on it, but y/n was having a good day and she did not need to indulge in things like that, she left that behind when she deleted Wattpad in 2014.

“Ma’am?”

Y/n nearly forgot that she was at a pet store, social media does that.

“Oh! Yes, hi. I was just looking to see if you guys had any Huskies or Pitbulls?”

Y/n was on a mission to get Peach a friend. She felt bad that the 6-month-old puppy had to be all alone while she was at work, so the only option was getting another dog to keep her company. Peach got on well with just about every dog, so it wasn’t a life-changing decision, she just had to find a dog that Peachy would get on well with.

The worker showed her and Peach to the dog area and just left, for that she was thankful. She had always talked to Peach and she intended to ask her about the dogs she got excited about but she was sure the worker would’ve thought she was crazy. So she walked around a bit, looking at dogs and talking to Peach. Then, she nearly dropped her phone. She ran to the glass swiftly, looking at the tiny pup. It was a Husky-Chow Chow mix, and she knew she already loved her, she had no name yet either. Peach saw y/n get excited and started wagging her tail. soon enough, a puppy was on in front of her and peach couldn’t be happier to see the mini bear-like dog.

“She’s only about eight weeks old, and a lot of work, are you sure?”

Y/n couldn’t believe the audacity of the question. Of course, she wanted a tiny bear scampering around, going on adventures with her and peach. So she signed about thirty papers as quick as she could. She came to the name paper and the question hung in the air. What did she want to name the tiny bear? With Peach, she got a few days to be creative, and the samoyed was just peachy, so she named her Peach. Y/n searched her brain for names until she couldn’t think anymore. Then she squealed. She does that a lot.

Now, Y/n was on her way home, little Pipkin in her lap, peach sat in the passenger seat as she jammed out to Lana Del Rey. Pip seemed to be having the time of her life, happy to be out of the confined cage. Y/n was, as you’d say, living her best life. She really didn’t have a care in the world. No one could really blame her. Y/n was pretty sure she just scored the cutest dog in all of London.

“Summertime and the living’s easy!”:

Y/n made it home in record time, she's pretty sure she was speeding, but Peach seemed very excited so she wanted them to be able to interact. She put Pip’s tiny leash and harness on, which was proved to be useless. Pip just kept tangling herself in Y/n’s legs and nearly got trampled by Peach. So, Pip got off scot-free just being carried. Peach was sniffing the tiny animal as soon as Y/n stepped in the door.

“Peachy, hold on I promise I’ll put her down in a sec.”

After getting settled, Y/n carefully set Pipkin on the ground, going to the couch to watch the two dogs interact. Peach sniffed Pipkin and vice versa, both faces have been in the butt of the other in addition to their own. They ran around the house for a bit, then the yard. They ate together for the first time, Peach even tried to share her food. They got on well, just like Y/n had predicted, so she decided it was time for a group walk. Y/n put a pastel hoodie over her tiny black camisole crop-top and exchanged her slides for converse, then they were out the door.

Pip seemed to walk better with Peach as Y/n helped guide. She went the same way as yesterday, finding she liked the scenic route even if it was longer. She walked passed the coffee shop, even smiling at the cute curly-haired girl. She passed the bakery this time, she wasn’t feeling sweets today. She walked quite a bit, even taking a few selfies of all three of them. Y/n was excited. She and Peach had a new companion. It might also be the rush of the fact that she's pretty sure the cute window boy is out in his lawn. She tried to keep cool, even almost went to the other side of the street but peach wasn’t gonna let that happen. It seems already Pip has become a rebel because she stayed with Peach. Y/n trained them, but they weren’t like Army dogs, so she let them practically pull her until two houses before his. She fixed herself up a bit, checking that her posture didn’t resemble the hunchback of Notre Dame.

She got closer and she could already feel the butterflies swirling in her tummy. Peach and Pip must’ve felt it too, because closer they got, the closer to Y/n the dogs got. Especially Pip, but I’m sure its just cause she’s very tiny compared to the man, his hand could probably fit Pip in its palm. Y/n contemplated talking to him, which she did until she was nearly up in his face. When she saw him clearly, oh boy. Butterflies were an understatement. it was like a swarm of fuzzy bumblebees was tickling every part of her tummy. Y/n can definitely confirm that curly hair and bright eyes were essentially her type as of now.

“The boy from the window!”

If Y/n wanted to die before it was nothing compared to now. she literally wanted London to swallow her and her dogs until they were in the middle of nowhere with no proof of their existence. Pip and Peach weren’t bothered, sitting idle in the sun. The gate blocked out a bit of Y/n’s beet-red face, not as much as she would have wished.

Harry had decided to go outside. It was a pretty nice day for London, the sun was even out. So after copious amounts of sunscreen, some more presentable clothing, just in case of a fan, and some slides, he was on his way to his larger than the normal front yard. He planned on being out for a bit, so he brought snacks and drinks too. His mother taught him the habit. She always had some sort of snack in her purse and she almost always had those mini water bottles.

He lived in a pretty secluded part of London, but he still wanted to be prepared if a fan came up to him. Harry didn’t want to sound like an ass but more often than not, he didn’t want to take pictures. He was all for living in the moment. After always having a camera on you for about six years, you’d get sick of it too. It's not that he didn’t like meeting fans, he loved it. They made him who he was, but almost every one of them wanted a picture to document that they met him. It's albeit sad, the fact that if you just said that you met him, everyone would ask for proof. Trust does get a bit tainted from fame.

Harry was almost ready to go inside, he was near sunburnt, and if he didn't get inside his mom would scold him. Now some people might think that he's an adult and that he doesn't need to listen to her. Harry thinks different. His mom is such a kind soul but if you make her mad enough to scold you, oh she’ll scold you. Harry didn't like the feel of the cold aloe vera either. He’d kept it in the fridge, it was mean to cool you down and soothe you, but that's maybe a five minute cool. His had been in the fridge for about two months. Then, he saw a fluffy cloud walking alongside a very tiny bear, so he stayed. Even to just get a closer glance at the dogs.

Now imagine this, you’re on your lawn, waiting for two dogs to pass by, but they stop at your gate. You’re curious and, in this case, you think it might be a fan. what would be the face you made if the first thing that person said was,

“The boy from the window!”

It took him a minute to even process the words the girl just spoke, he was on autopilot walking to his gate and unlocking it. He went up to the girl, she looked sweet, she was very pretty and looked like she could model but also like she had just run three miles, her face was very red. Harry didn’t mention it. Instead, he said,

“Pardon?”

He couldn’t tell who was redder. that was an idiot thing to say, he could see it now if this angel really was famous, the headlines would probably be at his neck, making jokes about how he had shit pickup lines, but he did. That probably warranted cheating in his mind.

Y/n couldn’t believe she was about to explain that she was being a creep but she didn’t know what else to say, she couldn’t just let the silence sit but holy shit, she was talking to Harry Styles. Her stomach said barf on his feet but her mind said to play it cool, she chooses the latter.

“I, uh, yesterday, I saw you sat in the window, and you looked a bit sad, at least from where I was standing, so I left five cupcakes at your doorstep. I’m Y/n.”

Y/n saw his face shift, but his eyes showed immediate confusion.

“How’d you get through the gate?”

Way to go y/n, you trespassed. You finally meet a boy, well, see a boy, and you fuck it up by trespassing? yay.

“I- It was actually open a bit and you looked sad. Listen, I'm sorry but please don't send me to jail. Pip and Peachy need me to feed them and I need my tiny house I beg you just like punch me instead I sw-”

Y/n couldn’t help herself. From her perspective she made a damn good case, cause no one could take the person who has two dogs to jail, Well, they could, but morally? yeah right bitch.

“Hey, don’t worry, yeah? just let me pet your dogs and we’ll call a truce.”

Y/n didn’t think this could get any better. She met Harry Styles, and he likes her dogs. Not gonna lie, Y/n thought he was a cat person, sure he could be a ray of sunshine, but he had major resting ‘step a centimeter too close to me and I’ll kill you’ face. Her need to scream right now was a ten on a scale of one to nine. Sure she kept her composure and would until she got comfortable, but if she was alone, she’d break a glass. One Direction among, various other artists, shaped her taste in music all through high school. She listened to No Control pretty much every day of freshman year, it was on her morning playlist.

Y/n zoned out, caught up in her thoughts, but when she did come back from the wave of nostalgia, she saw possibly a once in a lifetime moment. Her dogs, snuggled up into harry, as he sat there in all his handsome glory.

“I completely forgot to introduce m’self. I’m Harry.”

he held a kind smile, it didn’t fully reach his eyes, but it was genuine.

“I know who you are, congratulations on the new song, by the way.”

He didn’t miss a beat before asking,

“Would you like a picture?”

Y/n honestly didn’t know what to do. Would saying no be too rude? ‘Cause she did not have the energy to pull out her phone.

“Oh, no thanks, actually.”

He seemed, almost relived? It was confusing. Y/n didn’t meet celebrities on the regular, but she was almost one hundred percent sure that he would have thought she was rude.

After talking and letting Harry pet her dogs a bit more, she, unfortunately, had to go. She let him know, they exchanged hugs, and she said a sorrowful goodbye to Harry. It was weird, sometimes she forgot that people she looked up too were just like her at some point. maybe playing with a Tamagotchi or beating one of their friends at BopIt. It truly was a ‘rags to riches’ story for so many famous people.

Y/n finally got home, after taking a few pit stops, letting Peach and Pip do what they needed to do. She was relieved to see her tiny yellow house, it held a lot of character for one, Y/n even went as far as naming it Lanana. It was a dumb combination of lemon and banana, re; her house colour. Second, her feet were pretty much throbbing. Pip was acting like she was dying from walking and Peach immediately lied on the floor. Y/n also found the rug to be pretty comfortable as she lied on it, staring at her surroundings.

Her cacti seemed to be doing well, probably cause it was fake. It seemed fairly clean, so she didn’t have to worry about that tomorrow. her tapestry of corgis seemed to have come down on one side, but other than that her walls looked genuinely okay, she has yet to put a hole in them. and her books on the coffee table were still unmoved. Y/n didn’t really read them, but who has books on their coffee table that they actually read? The ceiling was pretty bland though, maybe she’d buy something to put on it.

Y/n rolled over and pulled out her phone. her eyes were probably going to hurt later. Whenever she started scrolling, it didn’t matter which app, she had trouble stopping. But she’d get up eventually, if not, Peach would probably maul her if she didn’t get her peanut butter covered meds. Y/n debated going on twitter, but she didn't really want to see anything on there, opting for Instagram, she got into a comfortable position and started scrolling.

Harry was very, very frustrated. He had gotten a sunburn and that scold from his mom. Anne went on for about fifteen minutes about how he’d get skin cancer and how he’ll feel like leather by the time he’s fifty. She had good intentions, but Harry had thin patients. He did keep it under wraps, he had too. It’d be a whole other scolding if he got snappy with his mum. He actually talked to her for ten minutes, more or less, about what was going on in his life and etcetera before his mum called it a night.

He kept thinking about you, well you and your dogs. Sure human interaction was appealing, puppy interaction was essential. Had you been anyone else, excluding his mum and a few friends, Harry would have called security. He just chose to trust his gut and the dogs that you were with.

It was a rare feeling that harry got around dogs. Not like the love you give your significant other, it was less intimate. More like the love you give a child or someone you love very much. Harry almost considered getting a dog. Big or small the creatures were loyal, always waiting for you to get home and following you through the house. They were very reliable and dependant on their owners. Harry thought that was something he needed. Someone to depend on him, keep him grounded and let him know he was wanted. He had wanted a dog up until he realized that he was too busy. He was always busy now. Getting ready to release a new album, having to give his all for it to be what he imagined. He barely had time to himself, a pet would be too much to handle.

Had Harry realized a singing career would jeopardize his opportunity to get a dog, he would have never auditioned in the first place. Harry always had a love for animals. Now, when you hear that you take into account people's fears, with Harry, you didn’t have to. By the age of three, he was trotting up to garden snakes, helping to untangle them from whatever twig they were stuck in. He helped spiders outside and whatever you can think of that someone would fear, he’d do it. Not because he was brave, because if you told him to try and run over a tiny stream in-between the grass, he wouldn’t hesitate to tell you no and throw a fit. Harry was just gentle, in a lot of aspects.

He was gentle when he broke up with people, he was gentle when his bunny was getting ready to pass away, he was gentle when his sister was stressed looking for colleges, he was just gentle. which came with a lot of selflessness. Everything was Harry’s fault, in the sense that he blamed himself for a lot of things. He still blamed himself for Camille. Her falling out of love wasn’t his fault, she made that clear, but he couldn’t help but nitpick his flaws. The was he sometimes zoned out while she talked, or when he had a meeting but she had an off day, he felt terrible leaving Camille alone. Harry was off.

He wasn’t broken, he felt okay, there was no metaphorical hole in his heart. Harry was fine. Except for when he wasn’t. The nights of alcohol and screaming led to nothingness. No more screaming, no more soft cuddles in the early hours. Harry was indifferent about it. On the one hand, he was glad. He had calm peaceful nights and his liquor cabinet was almost always full again. On the other hand, his bed felt awfully empty. He still slept on his side, it felt like she was still lingering. Even with the million times, he washed the sheets, she still felt like she was right there.

Harry hoped he’d get over her.

Y/n was running detrimentally late. She’d gotten the best job interview and guess what? She got up an hour too late. By the eighth time she snoozed, she realized she had to be up. So she did some shitty ‘natural’ makeup, threw on a blazer, a cami under it, and the matching pants. She still looked bomb, Y/n would never doubt that. Especially when her confidence needed to be high. So now that Y/n was pulling up to get coffee, she’d regretted getting up so late.

The drive-thru was packed, everyone getting their own coffee. Y/n opted to go inside, coffee was like her push to get through the day and a Trenta should be enough to keep her somewhat lively. She still had to wait in a line inside, but this one was shorter. She tapped her thigh and scrolled through Instagram until she was at the counter. The barista was cute, having cool dyed hair was something Y/n gravitated towards, she could never get her hair a crazy colour, having to work serious jobs all the time. She always had to stick to somewhat natural. She’d rebelled at some point in middle school with bright, neon red hair. Then she’d stuck to natural colours, neon didn't look that good on her.

–

She picked up her coffee, taking a sip before starting her journey to her car. Well, she was, then the universe decided she needed a cute cliche.

“Oh! shit, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t even looking an-”

–

“and I just bumped into you, I’m sorry oh god.”

Harry recognized Y/n, and he wanted to say hi. Apparently, his version of hi was coffee spilled all over her shirt. He didn’t mean to, but the profuse apologizing was kind of cute.

“It’s fine love, saw you ‘nd thought I’d say hello.”

Harry caught Y/n blush at that. Albeit she got flustered over the tiniest things. She was quite cute now that Harry wasn’t distracted by dogs. She had a very nice style, besides the fact that there was now a stain on her camisole. She nearly matched the cafe chairs with her pants and blazer. It was cute.

She was cute.

–

To say Y/n was shocked was an understatement. For once a cute guy wanted to talk to her and she didn’t have to pine over him for months first. It was nearly a miracle. Y/n was a nice girl but confidence wasn’t always her strong suit. She couldn’t just talk to people, no no, she usually had to make an idiot of herself first. With the looming failure over her head and her heart racing, it made it very hard for Y/n to make new friends.

“Oh, for sure, uh I’m in a bit of a sticky situation.”

He held a finger up, signaling her to wait. He was discouraged she’d think he was weird and leave. But after coming back outside, a hand full of towelettes, he saw she was still there. Y/n took the damp fabric, wiping her blazer a bit, the only place the stain was visible was her blazer. Thank god for her camisole being black otherwise Harry would be able to tell she wasn’t wearing a bra. Sure she likes attention but not wearing a bra was solely hatred. Primarily Y/n had underwire bras, they were like hell around your boobs. So she opted out, it wasn’t like she expected to see Harry. He’d probably already noticed, it’d gotten considerably cold. He hadn’t said anything though, so there wasn’t much to dwell on.

Y/n patted herself down, thankfully getting most of the coffee stench out of her clothing. She’d forgotten all about why she was wearing a blazer or her interview. Y/n had her priorities all off, of course, Harry was more important than her interview, logically no, but Y/n wasn’t thinking with her head. Who would?

Harry was trying to decide whether or not he should ask for her number, was it too soon? What if he looked too desperate? The press would eat that up, he could already hear a tacky headline being typed. Y/n didn’t look like the type of girl that would care about that type of stuff. Desperate was surely socially constructed. Harry was obviously in too deep, who cared about any of that? he was gonna go for it.

Y/n was starting to see a difference in her blazer as the stain dried. Harry seemed spaced out, literally. He looked like he was on Mars. Harry looked like he was gonna say something, as he looked Y/n in the eyes for the first time.

She was gorgeous. Sure he’d dated models and beautiful women, but this was like home-brewed, authentic beauty. Her hair looked so soft, it was the type of hair that matched a lions mane, one he could imagine all over the pillow next to him. He liked Y/n, she was cute. After seeing her a few times Harry was almost drawn to her. She had an expensive personality. Not the kind of snobby, rich expensive, but rich with delicacies. She was kind to strangers she spoke to, and her dogs fit right with her, almost giving her a throne of cute, fluffy, kindness. The music in the coffee shop was heard outside, Harry swayed his body a bit to the beat.

“So, since we’ve run into each other a few times, I guess the universe thinks we’re soulmates.”

Harry didn’t need to rip off the bandaid, Y/n had just done it for him. Her smooth words flowed to him like silk, sure maybe Harry was getting a bit stalkerish, but it was all with good intention. If Y/n could be confident enough to say that and smile on, surely getting her number shouldn’t be that hard.

“So, ehm, I was wondering if I could ‘ve your number?”

Y/n was properly freaking out. Who wouldn’t? Harry looked at her with the most adorable gleaming eyes and just how could Y/n ever say no to that? He was her type but elevated. He had the bad boy vibe, but a heart of gold. Y/n liked to think of him as a milk dud oddly. But he and the mild dud alike had a hard, chocolate exterior, but sweet, chewy, caramel insides. He was ethereal.

“Yes, yeah absolutely.”

It was now about a month after that. Harry and Y/n were going strong in the friend zone. Every time Harry asked Y/n out she was busy and vice-versa. Somehow the universe had gotten them together, but now it was like it vanished. All the work was now in their hands. It wasn’t as if having a date with one another was work, it wasn’t. Frankly, they really did enjoy each other's company, even through texts. But it was their literal work.

Y/n couldn’t get a day off to save her life. Her boss was a bit of a dick. On top of it, most days off were spent graciously on the couch, feet propped up, and two dogs cuddling into her, all three intrigued by SpongeBob and Squidward arguing. Harry was in the middle of finishing up his album, so most of his time was spent at the studio. His days off were spent in L.A. It was rare that he was in London, sometimes he had to beg for a break. Thankfully he had jeff who sort of understood. So sure breaks were rare, but Harry spent so much time trying to work his hardest that he was keeping himself from it at this point.

Harry had done enough waiting. Y/n seemed right up his alley. Her personality wasn’t too overbearing or too happy, she was a perfect state of nirvana. A calming aura came where ever she went and Harry could almost feel it through his screen. He and Y/n texted about anything. It could be a meme she sent him at three am, in turn, he’d laugh but tell her to get to bed. Or he’d send her minuscule things, like the stuff he sees in his everyday life that reminds him of her. Was Harry fully over his ex? No, but he’d get there. For you, Harry would at least try. Everyone had understood he was hurt but Anne pushed him to be happy for him, so that's what he was doing.

He’d texted Y/n about setting up a little get together, he didn’t want to call it a date, thinking maybe he’d scare her off. Y/n was persistent though, responding with ‘So it’s a date.’ It wasn't even a question, she’d just said it out in the open in hopes that Harry would be okay with it. He was. If Y/n could’ve seen his face when he read it she’d probably get a good laugh because as soon as he processed the text his lips curled up, bringing his mouth into a toothy smile. It felt nice to have someone paying attention to him again. He’d seen a few fans on his drive, waving as one cried, she immediately apologizing for being an ugly crier. There was something about finally getting a date and talking to the fans that put him in a fantastic mood.

He was currently sitting in traffic, just coming back from seeing his mum. The surroundings were a bit bleak, all the houses were either White, Gray, or Black. Harry loved colour. He loved being able to express himself with pleasing ones that coordinate. Sure when he was little he’d throw on a raincoat but put shorts on, but having a stylist most of his life helped. His style was like a grandpa in a twenty-year-old’s body. Not that he cared, but it was a bit of an improvement from young British bloke who thinks he’s cool. Traffic started moving and Harry took his foot off the break, shifting gears to get moving. What was he doing? Well he, was on his way to get a particular bubbly nirvana girl. He and Y/n had planned the date about a week ago and agreed that they’d do something as soon as he got home. She insisted that he went home and relaxed, but Harry was stubborn, assuring her that he’d be fine.

They had yet to plan where they were going, Y/n had talked about just going out and figuring it out when they ‘cross that lightbulb’ and he agreed. He neared the street that Y/n had given him and his mind was getting the best of him. Not every girl was the same but what if? There was always a possibility that it could happen again. Was his heart ready to risk it? Not fully, but one date couldn’t damage him that much. Harry always had a strong heart. When someone pushed him off the slide in primary school he’d said he fell. In Secondary school when his crush Rachel traded him for someone older, he’d let it go. He was strong and he could handle this. Y/n didn’t seem like she was like that.

He pulled up outside of her house, smiling at the bright colour. It was very her. Her windows were bright and open, he could see a small succulent on the ledge inside. She had a well-kept yard and the grass was as vibrant as ever. Considering it was London it could be hard to maintain a yard or even a garden, the weather was always temperamental. He heard the door open, watching as she stepped out from behind the white door. She looked beautiful, clad in some spandex shorts that fit her bottom nicely and a big sweater. It looked like a merch sweater of some sort.

Y/n had a cute little bounce in her step, her hair bouncing a bit too. She and Harry had been on the best terms. They texted almost every day following him getting her number. She got to know him a bit better. She paid attention to a lot, she was an observer. The way he typed and formed sentences was very pleasing to the eye, at least he didn’t have terrible grammar. She reached the car, giving him a smile as she got in the car.

“How are y’love? Hair looks nice.”

Y/n smiled, attention to detail was always nice. They had also joked multiple times about her secretly being a lion cause she’d sent him a selfie after a particularly long day at work the day before. You could see the tangles and how frizzed it was. Harry thought it was adorable.

“Thanks, I’m good, at least it's brushed this time, right?”

He laughed. It was a nice sound.

“Any thought to where you’d like to go?”

Y/n hummed, thinking a bit.

“I was thinking ice cream, it’s rare that London has had this many sunny days, I’m wondering if we should be scared.”

They both laughed, agreeing on ice cream.

“Y’want the aux?” Harry offered.

“Yeah, thanks.”

Y/n hooked up her phone, going to Spotify and smiling as Hey Jude played through the speakers. She and Harry sang along ridiculously off-key and talked the entire drive to the tiny ice cream shop. Harry stopped the car and got out. So far, Y/n wasn’t bad. In fact, she was great. Her happiness radiated through the car, he bets it's hard to be in a bad mood around her. She’d opted for no makeup and Harry liked that. He loved girls with and without makeup but it was a gesture he appreciated, even if it wasn’t for him.

Y/n looked up at the options, she didn’t particularly care for a lot of it, she didn’t want to eat something that had too much sweetness, she’d get a tummy ache. Harry had ordered Moose Track ice cream while Y/n ordered Ben and Jerry’s Strawberry Cheesecake. This was typically her go to unless she was sad, then she buried her sorrows in Cherry Garcia.

They didn't even sit down before they were chatting. Conversation flowed easily between them. They could go from talking about their day to talking about childhood. It was nice, there was no pressure to come up with a topic. If there was silence as they at it was comfortable, the ice cream shop wasn’t very full, it is on the outskirts of London, so they didn't have to worry about paparazzi. They talked about their favourite bands, people they looked up to, fashion choices, just about everything that came to mind. It was nice, Harry and Y/n singing to their heart's content to the Queen flowing through the shop, Y/n even getting up and using her spoon as a mic. Harry hadn’t felt this nice in a while.

“Then he turned and there was a garden snake and I’ve never heard a fifty-year-old man scream at a higher pitch than him.”

Y/n finished off her story, she and Harry had been laughing their asses off for about an hour, they’d been there for about two.

“This is nice, love hanging out with you.”

Harry’s words held sentiment that made Y/n’s heart burst.

“Same.”

Y/n replied, laughing as he made faces at her. This was easy. No pressure, nothing was forced, it was genuine first date bliss.

“Oops.”

Harry smirked as he took his spoon, putting a bit of chocolate on her nose,

“Harry.”

Y/n whined dragging out his name. He laughed, leaning forward. He kissed the ice cream off her nose watching as her cheeks tinted pink, it was adorable.

“You asked for it.”

next thing Harry knew there was ice cream on his nose now too, except she didn’t kiss it away, opting to take her finger and wipe it. bringing the finger to her mouth she laughed, making a face resembling the grinch as she licked her thumb. They didn’t want to leave, Harry would pay to have time freeze and keep this moment present forever. Sadly he couldn’t. They got up, going to the register.

“I’m paying.”

Y/n stated, dismissing Harry’s protests.

Harry had dropped Y/n off, and there was no doubt he wanted to keep her around. He had his doubts but the small time that they had in the ice cream shop was phenomenal. Was Harry fully over his ex? No. But that was okay. He didn’t have to rush, he’d be just fine getting over her with Y/n’s help. He didn’t need a therapist or a new girlfriend, he needed someone to show him that he could have better. Y/n was better. As long as you two kept talking Harry was sure he’d be over it in no time.

y/n; so plans for our next date? ;)

1K notes · View notes

fiercyy · 4 years

Link

Chapters: 12/? Fandom: Naruto Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura & Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura & Hatake Kakashi, Team 7 - Relationship, Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura & Hatake Kakashi & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto Characters: Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto, Hatake Kakashi, Tsunade (Naruto), Orochimaru (Naruto) Additional Tags: AU, Post-Chuunin Exams, post chuunin exams attack, Minor Character Death, Trauma, Team 7 Family bonding, Genin Era, Everybody moves in with Sasuke, he's got room, semi-au, Plot Twists, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Roommates, Friends to Enemies, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, BAMF Haruno Sakura, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 (Naruto) Feels, BAMF Dai-nana-han | Team 7 (Naruto), Team as Family, Slow Burn Series: Part 1 of Post-Chuunin Exam AU Summary:

Sakura always wished she could relate to her teammates better. She wishes she could take it back.

In which Sasuke acquires some unwanted roommates and a team becomes a family.

Note: I realized that I never posted these chapter to Tumblr, so I’m just catching up :)

Naruto's grand plan to get Sakura back on Team 7 will come to him any day now. He's sure of it. They can't just not be a team anymore. That would be crazy. In the meantime, it's kind of been a good vacation. He gets to sleep in every day, he hardly ever needs to see Sasuke's stupid face. On the other hand, he never gets to see Sakura. She's not talking to any of them. It doesn't matter what he says or how he pleads. She won't open her door when she's home and she won't tell him where she's going when she leaves.

As he takes the long way home from hanging out with Chouji and Shikamaru, he turns over the problem in his head. He just needs to try harder—maybe do something nice for her. He'll treat her to ramen! The thought of it makes his stomach rumble and the phantom scent tickle his nostrils.

He opens the front door to the apartment and nearly trips over his own feet.

Sakura is standing at the stove, ladling broth into two bowls. She smiles tentatively at him before biting her lip. "Hi."

"…Hi."

Awkwardly, she gestures to the kitchen table, which is already set with chopsticks, spoons, napkins and glasses of water. "I made ramen."

He can see that. It smells amazing.

In a daze, he drops into the chair kitty-corner from hers. She sets his bowl in front of him and he glances between it and her, then back again. He doesn't touch it. He wants to know what's happening. She's being her normal self, someone he hasn't seen in what feels like forever.

Sakura seems to sense his apprehension. "I'm really sorry Naruto."

"You don't have to be-"

"Yes I do," she swallows, "I want to make sure you know that I wasn't angry with you and I shouldn't have shut you out like that. I was mad at Kakashi-sensei and Sasuke-kun and a bunch of other stuff, but I shouldn't have taken it out on you. You were just trying to be a good friend."

He shrugs, honestly it wasn't much different than when she'd yell at him before.

"It's not okay and you didn't deserve that." She takes his hands and so many feelings well inside him. He tries to think of the last time someone said they were sorry and meant it. He can't recall. "You're a really good friend." Naruto's face heats and he demurs. No one's ever said that about him either. He's torn between tears and smiles, so he splits the difference.

Wow.

He sniffles. "Thank you Sakura-chan. And this looks awesome!"

Forgoing the chopsticks, he tips the bowl directly into his mouth. And coughs.

"Oh my god."

"Good? I made it a little spicy…"

"Sakura, I'm so sorry, I really appreciate the thought but this is terrible."

It's the only apology she owes and Sakura is satisfied with that. She never dreamed it would be difficult, but everything went over so easy with Naruto that she almost feels guiltier now than she did before.

Getting what she wants from Sasuke will be way more difficult. She has no hopes for an apology, but she'd settle for some semblance of understanding. And it would take her entire arsenal of everything she's learned about him since being put on the same team. The most important of which, is this:

If you want Sasuke to understand something, you have to beat it into him.

Sasuke does not apologize. The last time he was made to, he was eight years old and his mom threatened not to let him play with Itachi until it was done. There hasn't been anyone in a position to make him do anything for a long time. From age eight to twelve he has been beholden to no one.

Now he's doing things like buying groceries for three and making sure he buys the lactose free milk so that N aruto doesn't hog the bathroom excessively. He's taking into account people's feelings. He has roommates.

He tried to reason with Kakashi.

Naruto was going about it all wrong. You can't change someone's mind if you don't engage with them. Instead of not showing up, Sasuke was belligerent right to his face. Hopefully he took some of it to heart. Maybe he even talked to Sakura. Stranger things have happened.

He wouldn't say he's sorry… but he hates the way things are now. Everything is much better when Team 7 is together.

It's more efficient, he tells himself. He needs sparring partners, he reasons.

He misses them, he refuses to admit.

He's so predictable; it's easy to ambush Sasuke while he's training.

Sakura lands directly behind him while he takes a breather between kick exercises. He doesn't turn around. He does that annoying thing where he keeps his back to you but says your name like he knew you were there the whole time—tool.

"What do you want?" he tries to be intimidating but to her ears he just sounds apprehensive, like he's priming himself for being yelled at.

"I wanna talk."

He whirls half around, "Seriously?"

"No," she goes for the knees; manages to knock him over, but can't dodge the elbow he jabs into her side. Sakura rolls to the side, coughing. "I came to," another cough, "kick your ass."

She can't believe her ears, he actually snorts at her. It makes her blood boil. "PREPARE YOURSELF YOU JERK!"

Sasuke rolls his eyes and takes a reluctant defensive stance. Nobody moves for a long moment. "Well? Come kick my ass," he mocks.

Sakura isn't stupid. She knows in an all-out fight she's no match for him. Yet. He's got the Sharingan and Chidori on his side. But she has boiling, undiluted rage sublimating into pure adrenaline.

His first punch lands on her shoulder. "Ow!"

"Seriously?!" He fell for it!

"NO!" She takes advantage of his exasperated pause and grabs his fist and twists, throwing him over her shoulder and onto the ground. She bends at the waist to glare into his eyes, "Take me seriously," she warns, "Or I'll take you down."

"Fine." He windmill kicks, sweeping her legs out from under her. He jumps on her, pinning her to the dirt. "Are you coming back to training or what."

"Why? Do you miss me?" She hooks her knee around his thigh and flips them, holding him down by her forearm against his neck.

"You wish." He flips them again. "Give up yet?"

"Never," then she bites his wrist so hard that he shrieks.

"SAKURA, WHAT THE FU-!" with a sharp thrust of her palm she bloodies his nose and scurries back ten feet.

This isn't what she came here for, but it sure is satisfying.

He comes at her again, and kicks her in the gut, sending her flying into a tree trunk. Winded, she slides to the dirt among the roots. "I don't need you, you know. You can retire for all I care. You and Naruto."

She grunts and spits out a wad of blood, "Keep telling yourself that."

"I was right and if you can't handle your emotions, that's not my problem."

"My emotions?" How did she never see what a sanctimonious ass he could be? And such a hypocrite. "You don't get to lecture me about handling my emotions and not getting angry. You're the angriest person I've ever met and you almost killed Naruto."

She attacks with taijutsu, punches and kicks that would be bruising if she could only land a hit. He dodges but doesn't counter. She can see the frustration in his features and it vindicates something in her to know she's getting to him.

"I get to be mad at the world. I get to be mad at Sound and I definitely get to be mad at you. You didn't invent loneliness okay? We're all sad. We're all angry. We've all lost things. The difference between you and me is that you have somewhere to direct your anger." She goes for another kick, only to find her leg tangled up in razor thin wires. She can see the other end held in his fist. He tugs and more of them tighten around her arms. Their sharpness forces her to be still.

"There is literally nothing I can do," fuck, she's crying now. "There's no one to get vengeance on. Nothing I can achieve that will erase it. What happened to you was awful. You lost your whole family and I only lost my parents… but they were all I had. I'm sorry that you had more to lose. I don't know what to do now. Everything feels different. All I know is that you, Naruto and Kakashi are all that's left."

"My brother did it." His voice prompts her to look up. He glares at the floor and his fist loosens around her bonds. "I don't know what it changes, but it was him. I hate him so much and I will kill him." He cannot admit that he loved him once. That would humanize him in ways that 12-year-old Sasuke is not prepared for. "I don't know what I would do if I didn't have that," he admits. "You still think you want to be like me? I'm going to kill my own brother. Does that scare you?"

She will not be baited. "I'm nothing like you," she lies, "And you don't scare me," she lies again. "You don't have to be nice, but you do have to respect me."

He considers her for a moment, then his grip loosens the rest of the way. The wires drop and he holds out his fist. She bumps it with hers and the move feels at once foreign and cathartic.

"I'm still mad at you."

Sasuke rolls his eyes, but his lips twitch. "I'm mad at you too."

The nurse at triage takes one look at the two of them; Sakura with her criss cross of cuts, Sasuke with his crooked nose and sighs. "Can't you take care of this yourself?"

Sakura beams, "Of course! It's not for me. He's so pretty, it'd be a shame if I disfigured him permanently. Hearts would break all over Konoha!"

He shoots her a cutting glare but doesn't argue. He's a little vain too.

The nurse looks unamused and gestures for them to sit.

Sasuke plans to sit in silence for the next seven hours while more important injuries are taken care of, but Sakura makes it impossible. She might be trying to punish him by being as annoying as possible. She talks about Naruto and Ino and that stupid firefighting turtle show. And he definitely doesn't care that this feels almost normal.

"What are you doing here?"

Sasuke snaps out of ignoring Sakura to stare at the Godaime Hokage, standing imposing and tall over them as they sit in a pair of cheap plastic folding chairs. "It has nothing to do with the Magekyou," he is quick to reassure.

"Not you," the Hokage says drily, "It's very clear what you're here for." Then she pinches his nose between her glowing green pointer and thumb, then twists.

He shouts at the crack, but the pain quickly subsides. He rubs his nose and dried flecks of blood come away, but it feels like the correct shape.

"Sakura."

"Shisou!"

"I hope you didn't come in for those scrapes."

"No ma'am."

"I'll have no apprentice of mine embarrassing me and wasting a doctor's time."

"Of course ma'am."

"I'll show you how to fix them yourself up tomorrow, after that you'll have to start coming to training with injuries or else we'll have nothing to do."

"I could always bring him," Sakura offers, jerking a thumb in Sasuke's direction.

"Sure you could, but if you fuck up you could blow a leg off. That might be the wrong kind of motivation. Now scram."

"Yes ma'am!" Sakura giggles and grabs Sasuke's arm, dragging him outside.

"You made me listen to you talk about Ino's haircut but you didn't mention that?"

Earlier…

Kakashi scooches closer on the roof and bumps shoulders with Sakura, who's been staring at her swinging feet for several minutes now.

"I'm tired of being mad, I don't want to feel anything anymore."

"You don't want that."

"Yes I do. It hurts all the time… I just want to be strong. Like you. I don't want to cry anymore."

Kakashi stares out at the sunrise and feels the ancestral guilt of a hundred generations of shinobi, all the teachings that led a 12-year-old girl to think it was wrong to mourn. "I don't want you to be like me," he admits, "I want you to be better. I want better for you."

Her tired smile rewards him, golden light reflected warmly. Maybe he can do right by these kids.

He's not doing too bad.

#sasusaku #sasuke x sakura #naruto #team 7 #genin fic #fanfiction #if you can't hold on hold on #IYC #my fic

30 notes · View notes

mohtivations · 4 years

Photo

The last time I wrote something like this was probably two years ago, so I thought that I would give an updated overview of how I organize my bullet journal. I wonder how much my system has changed, but also I don't think it's changed that much because the way I set it up worked for me hm. You can find my first one here.

Once again, disclaimer, there are multiple ways to set up your bujo!! This is just what works for me, so I hope I can share some inspiration, but honestly the best system is the one that works for you !!

Here's v.02 of how I set up my bullet journal at the start of each month, college edition (but honestly not much has changed I just have less structure because college is definitely a lot LESS structured than high school).

Tumblr has also changed a lot in the six years I've been on the platform, but it's a nice record of my growth I guess.

Color Scheme

My months usually have two shades in a certain color. Flipping through my old spreads, they're usually a cool tone, I switch between blue, purple, and pastels. If I'm feeling adventurous, I might opt for a green or orange theme, but that depends on what the theme is. Previous ideas include: clouds, lavender, leaves, berries, flowers, etc.

Quote Typography

I usually grab a short and sweet inspiration phrase or lyric, most definitely by BTS. That hasn't changed. Before writing it out in my actual bujo, I test out a few different styles on a scrap piece of paper and scroll through Pinterest or IG if I need some inspiration. This page usually ends up having some washi tape, mini doodles based on the month's theme, and stickers (I have way too many from that one Japan trip).

Title

Just like for the quote, I'll test out a style on a scrap paper, add a few doodles, and also include a mini calendar on the lower half of the page. The calendar has important dates (birthdays, exams, breaks) circled in with one of the two accent shades. Pretty straightforward, but sometimes this page ends up taking the longest, as I try to doodle something fancy (my drawing skills are still very subpar).

Habits

I got these super convenient calendar washi tapes from Japan, so I've just been cutting them and using them to fill in my habits. I use to have WAY TOO MANY habits to track, including sleep. It started to feel overwhelming to maintain, and I did not have that much motivation in me. I narrowed down to eight habits that are pretty basic and essential for taking care of my mind and body. I'll switch out a habit if I realize it's not relevant or important anymore. For example, I removed taking Chinese meds when I finished my prescribed batch. Right now, my habits include: eat healthy, workout, read, save money, self-study finance, study Chinese, poop, and exercises for my scoliosis).

Favorites

Usually leave three or four shapes, based on the month's theme, blank, for me to eventually fill out throughout the month. Nothing too fancy about this page.

Intentions

Instead of goals, I "rebranded" this spread because I wanted it to represent something more long-lasting. In other words, practices and actions that I can hopefully incorporate and evolve into a part of my lifestyle. During quarantine, I know I shouldn't be too hard on myself, so a few of my intentions include:

Listening to my body and practicing intuitive eating

Staying in contact with friends. Don't shut yourself out and fall into a too well-known hole

Move your body when you feel like it! Take a walk in nature! Play badminton with the fam!

Read those books you've been forever putting aside because you were busy

Thoughts

Completely blank at the start of the month, this page is essentially a place for my rants/journal entries. It's nice for me to know that I have a designated space when I have a strong urge to just pour out how I'm feeling or what I've experienced. Cathartic.

Sentences

I write down a sentence each day, usually two lines per day in my notebook. I love rereading my sentences in my old bullet journal, it really transports me back to another era of my life. It's always nice to record whatever made me smile or memorable event on a certain day–I know I would definitely forget later down the road.

Eats

I basically record what I eat every day. I have two columns on each page, and each day has four lines: breakfast, lunch, dinner, snack. This routine helps keep me accountable and conscious of what I'm putting in my body, which is especially difficult when we're cramped up at home all day...

Weekly Spread

So I don't actually set this up at the start of each month. I might paste in a few printed pictures or polaroids to spice up the week, but since I don't really have any foresight on what's to come in the following week, on a day to day basis, I let the spread develop as I check in with my bullet journal every day.

That doesn't mean I don't have another method of keeping track of events and assignments. For that, I use my computer, since it lets me adjust and modify if needed. I am a very dedicated advocate for Google Calendar to track my day's events, and for Notion to track my upcoming deadlines. Honestly love Notion–great and free for all students!! All you need is plug in your .edu email.

And that about sums it up. Since I'm in the engineering school, I haven't actually written properly in so long. I feel like I don't know how to write anymore LOL. Hope this was helpful!!

19 notes · View notes

ts-2020-olympics · 4 years

Text

EPISODE 1 - “My Legs Were Not Qwoperating” - Kathy (Part 2)

no. jk here.

youtube

So, it’s morning. I look around at our camp, and see everyone is at work. Karen is painting their flag and using safety scissors to cut out Monty’s head, Kevin is chanting to himself in the corner, Stoner’s been asleep so we buried him in the sand up to his neck and then sculpted a sand castle around him. Tommy is just trying to make eye contact with anyone he can and so I’m...avoiding that. I’d say we are solid but that’s probably not the truth, and so that kind of stinks. I’m hoping the newbies really fuck up, and I know that’s harsh but...that’s showbiz, babe!! Speaking of newbies I still haven’t talked to a few of them. Emma like zoomed away the first day and I’ve given up on talking to her. Hope she goes first. That’s all I got for now, going to eat breakfast I will continue this rant later.

my truth is that i haven’t played an org game in so long i forgot i was playing and then remembered an hour ago and tried to do this wack qwop game hsksksj! my legs were not qwoperating

I see there's an arena going on! I might go there first if the rest of the team is okay with it - gives me a chance to scope things out and get a feel for the area. I'm excited!

WE WON THE FUCKING CHALLEEEENGE AAAAA NOT ONLY DID WE WIN BUT WE KILLT IT WE SCORED 12 AND EVERYONE ELSE GOT LIKE 8 AND 5 OHMYGOOOD IM NOT GONNA BE FIRST OUT YALL IM SHAKING I CANT BELIEVE GSJDKDVDSNDBWSKHSD okAy okay so thank god bc my tribe has like no drama so our vote would’ve been really difficult and that gives me more time to think about my possible advantage and the possible bonds here.

so while I am safe I still have to game a little bit and talk to the people I’ve been talking with who are going to tribal like Sammy and Jordan, funny enough who are on the same tribe.... maybe I can get them to protect each other..... hm

Well we lost because of technicalities, I choose to blame that. This tribe is apparently extremely quiet to each other, so the fact that I messaged everyone hello this morning, nearly 48 hours after the start, I am SOMEHOW one of the best social players here. Challenges are generally my strength, we got last in QWOP, so backup is social game in a social ORG. I can be in some danger here, but I think I have a TRusuT sclusTER to keep myself here. As is necessary. I don't care who goes, I have a preference, but I don't really want to set a goal right now. Flexibility is key.

I'm literally PISSED. I'm fuming right now, like wtf? OK so I haven't confessed anything yet because my tribe has been SO quiet. I've honestly talked a lot more to some of the people from ONE WORLD than I have from some of the people from my own tribe... and I'm not crazy okay? It's NOT my fault. I put in effort with these people... But some of these people are just DRY! Drier than the Sahara Desert! Drier than my chappy ass lips! They can't hold a conversation, and that's obnoxious. I'm not going to respond to you if your message has literally nothing in it worth responding to, that's why most of my messages will either have a follow-up question, or something actually of substance to comment on/reply to... YOU SHOULD DO THE SAME SO WE CAN ACTUALLY SPEAK AND MAINTAIN A CONSISTENT DIALOGUE!!!!!!! But NOOOOOOO, my tribe decides to not speak... MOVING ON! The only people I've had good conversations with really are Juls and Em, and lo and behold, Em does lit rally nothing in this challenge, which sucks because I'm afraid that may put a target on her back. But I'm not sure, I definitely will vote with her and I think Juls will too. I'll move onto that later but I wanna talk about why I'm fucking LIVID RIGHT NOW. I literally made SO many suggestions on how we could tweak who does what in this challenge, or what we do on certain parts. Now I'm going to admit a TINY bit of fault here, in that I didn't say my suggestions on the tribe flag. There are some things I think we could've done to make it better, but I love Juls, and everyone had already told her it was great, so I didn't wanna make her feel that I didn't like it or was over criticizing. So I didn't say anything. That was my bad. BUT EVERYTHING ELSE, LUV? I said We should guess lower than 610... Now granted my even 600 guess still would've been too low to win, BUT AT LEAST IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN OVERBOARD! HMPPHH!!!!! Or maybe we could've compromised on 605 if people hadnt IGNORED ME!!!! IDK!??!?!?! Further than that, I asked for different tweaking on the chant and nobody gave any suggestions. I'm not saying we would've won or anything had I taken the lead or that I was doing everything the right way, obviously I wasn't since my chant got 3rd, but what I'm saying is once it became obvious the challenge was going to be about group participation and suggestion, our tribe needed to unify. Everyone in the tribe needed to have a clearer vision and talk to eachother and actually put in the EFFORT that this stuff requires. Which I'm admitting my own error, in not doing that with the flag. But our tribe was just so quiet and silent before now, which sent me down a paranoid spiral, that I was super fucking worried about my place in the tribe or where things were heading. Now I realize I'm in a good position on the tribe for sure, it's just that our tribe is STRUGGLING. ON THE (Mr.) BRIGHTSIDE!!! We lost by a tiebreaker guess, and only by 4 points.... and I'm pretty close with Juls, and it seems like a target will probably fall pretty easily onto Billy. He had the worst QWOP score, described himself as arrogant in his own intro, and just seems.. critical of others. He gives off a strange vibe. If it's not him, I'm pretty sure it'd end up being Jacob or Em. I feel that me and Juls are safe which is all that I can hope for on a tribe this freaking tiny, I instantly connected with Juls over our love of anime, the fact her name is the same as Euphoria Jules, and other stuff. As far as One World goes, I honestly keep forgetting it exists. I haven't reached out to too many of the others but have talked back to those who talk to me and it's been generally decent. I get along well with other Jacob, the not pie one. Caeleb I already know from before this and so I feel like we'd def work together, and I get good vibes from a lot of these people like Eve, Nicole, Ben, etc. Honestly I'm just so frustrated right now because things have been quiet and nervous and I'm PARANOID, and my tribe was so close to winning but fucked it up over minor things we could've tweaked had we just tried a little harder and communicated a little more. ugh, this SUCKS. now my first legacy in Tumblr Survivor is a mediocre chant (i honestly really like it and i put a LOT OF THOUGHT INTO IT OKAY....) and a trip to tribal council *Sobs* Here's hoping things take a positive turn from here...? It could always be the Bronze before my Gold! ~Hamfisted olympics metaphor~

Love my tribe a lot! However, i still feel on the outside somewhat tho.... Idk this is a lot for me I just hope we win until a swap or whatever its called ahh

Alright, Darcy back here with yet another confessional! Here is a little update since I last posted confessional, mainly the biggest difference is now I have an ally formed with Ben. At least, I made a deal with Ben yesterday proposing just the generic looking after one another ordeal, then going to give it some time and maybe question Beck about forming an alliance, since I've been connecting with her even more past bit, but don't want to go too fast and end up asking half my tribe right away to work with me, as I don't want to be seen as playing hard out the gate and make myself a target. Meanwhile, I decided to give the Olympic Village searching a shot, but alas was no luck in the cafeteria cabinets, so will just have to try my luck again in the future rounds. Thinking of searching either the South or North end of Village next round, but we shall see. Anyways, I'm glad my tribe won Immunity, so don't have to go to tribal this round, and this Olympic Arena twist sounds great, essentially one person from each tribe goes to the Arena, I believe for the immune tribes just 1 person is selected to go to the Arena, and for the losing tribes, the two voted out go to arena, where the winner of the voted out people come back in the game, and loser is out of the game for good. Think I read that all right, but maybe won't hurt to give it another read to double check. For now though, I shall go, so will see you all with my next confessional.

Fuck having to go to tribal first. I don’t like having to send someone home when I don’t even really know who I’m playing with yet.

youtube

Seems like Billy pulling the "I don't want to make any moves" to me was surprisingly bullshit. Who would've thunk. I think everyone is fine with voting out Billy here, I didn't really want to initially, but yeah, uh no. I could be in danger, but if everyone is honest here, I should be fine. Fingers crossed. "I'm either going to be first boot or win" - Pia Miranda

So, the first tribal is in a bit and we were almost sent there but managed to pull through in the tiebreaker! I hope that opens some of my tribemates eyes (lets be real, just Stoner who hasn’t been doing much of anything!) Being in One World but none of the newbies talking to me is still wild to me, half of them still haven’t even accepted my contact request. Yet they’re plenty active in the chat, so what gives? Anyway, I hope it’s just that they are intimidated by the very fact that I am beauty, and grace, and Miss United States. I hope we can win the next round, hopefully first or second place so we don’t have a close call again. We are trying to get Chris to go to the Arena so he can get us that 20% but he hasn’t answered so...what gives? On the alliance front I’m good with Kevin and Karen tribewise , the bigger picture is Kevin, Jacob and Sammy want to align and then we will have a bigger alliance that includes Beck, Juls and Eve. Eventually I might wanna break off and align with Jules and Eve, but having bigger targets around is essential. Anyway that’s all I got for now. I should start making video confessionals AS THINGS ARE HAPPENING. Ya know? Anyway toodles for now see ya next round. OH, and I’m hoping Jules and Jacob are safe this tribal :( love them and hope we can work together going forward.

Hiiii, arena results are about to come in so I'm just gonna drop a quickie confessional before that happens. I don't honestly remember how much I talked about the strategy and gameplay that was going on, so I'll give you a quick rebriefing of that. I'm really close with Juls. Em I like, but I want more out of her. Jacob is quiet, but inoffensive. Billy, I actually like him, but there are certain things about him that just.. Rub me (and others) a strange way and that's why we voted him out because certain things he did just didn't quite gel with the rest of the team. If he does return from the arena though, it's possibly I may vouch for him over Jacob because Jacob... HE JUST NEEDS TO TALK!!! But idk. One world still SUCKS and is dragging me through the MUD because nobody wants to do cross-tribe talking me included but that gets me paranoid as FUCK, luv. About the live tribal, it was fun! My camera angle was awkward and I was soo nervous though, but I think I was still able to hold it together relatively well, act normal, and give semi-decent answers. Will definitely be improving my live tribal performance for next time so I can be a bad ass bitch on call, it's GOING to happen... dskfdsf. I love Emma on call/video sooooo much, But on text she's kind of dry. Maybe I need to ask her if I can call her sometime, but I haven't done a call for a game like this in a looong time. I'm a bit nervous about that. But yeah. I'm looking forward to the game... The first tribal just makes everything real, and you realize, oh shit, we're playing Survivor. And I forgot how thrilling it was to play in a live, video environment like that, it just grips you and it feels so much more intense than when wiki results are just posted in chat and you don't have to deal with physically seeing the person you're voting out, talking to them with your actual voice, etc. All that stuff just makes the experience that much more realistic and it's so intense and fun. I'm ready to get this game on (Btw fuck the arena twist)

hey guys im really loving this game so far... keep up the good work!

i didn’t appreciate the attitude billy gave me whenever i tried to help the team out but! i’m willing to get over it because he is a nice guy. i feel fairly comfortable with my team and i’m just hoping we can avoid another tribal!

Hello! I can not believe I'm back for a 6th time on Tumblr Survivor this is so crazy! Especially for an Olympic season because I vowed to myself that I would never do a season again that was more than 20 people after being in Japan. Now that I'm back I'm ready to play, I haven't really came into this season with a strategy but if I did it would have changed because this is a One World season and now with the arena twist I'm sweating. One World makes the season super social (probably one of my least favorite twists) it's very easy for this season to let pre-mades and majorities take over just like that and let underdogs like me in this season to get taken out especially taken out early. So I have been social not only with me but a few people on different tribes but not too much. I don't want to seem like I'm playing too hard but I wanna build relationships before swaps happen so that people choose to ally with me (A WINNER) over a newbie or a returnee who hasn't won because I already have a big target on my back. With how the tribe divisions are it gives the newbies the biggest advantage with 15 newbies compared to 5 winners and 5 non-winner returnees, which isn't bad in a Fan vs. Favorite season because the ratio is even with returnees and newbies. However, now that I'm in the minority and also labeled a WINNER, I have to do damage control to lower my target but most importantly integrate with other people which is hard because I'm not the best social player and I know that's my weakness but I still have to attempt. In terms of my own tribe I'm closest to Kevin, when I talk to him we have a good conversation I probably already irritate him but I think out of everyone I can put my trust in him the most compared to everyone else. I think having one good ally is how I want to approach this season due to the arena twist I don't want to come across as running the tribe especially the winners tribe incase we do go to tribal because if I vote in the majority and that person stays they are immune and will be mad and spill the beans about the tribe, and I want that person to be the least mad at me so the focus is not on me. So having overall good vibes and 1 strong connection is a good strategy for the long term game. It might put me at risk for being voted out in the short term but I want to play the long-term game. Preferably if it is up to me I'd want Nicole to be the next closest to Kevin and myself without myself having to make an official deal with Nicole so I'm not seen as the ringleader. Kevin says he wants Stoner to be the first one voted out on our tribe but honestly I rather it be Karen. Stoner has the reputation keeps his target bigger than the rest and I think Karen has the better chance of flipping on the winners and succeeding than Stoner does. So my target is Karen if we do lose. I also believe that there may be an alliance with Nicole, Kevin, and Karen which I hope is not an actual alliance because that's bad news for me. I hope we don't go to tribal because I don't wanna go to a tribal with only 5 people. Wish me luck!

Whew it has been one round and i've fucked up so much its not even funny. its a little funny. anyways i start this game on a tribe of 5, i allign with connor who ive never played a game with and find some similar common ground, and with jacob who seems chill. we lose the first challenge sucks and all hell breaks loose, long story short fuck sammy. I'm trying to work my way back in caeleb and jacobs good graces. its gonna be a rocky road, but its one i've driven before

#zestypowerfuluniqueflavorfulhealthy #confessionals

1 note · View note

tclulubell · 5 years

Text

[BSD] excerpt from fanfic idea I’ve had in my head for upwards of 4 months...

edit: OK I GENUINELY BEEN TRYING TO POST THIS STUPID THING FOR AWHILE BUT TUMBLR YOU SUCK!

Ok, I keep thinking and thinking of this idea, and like a sharknado, it keeps getting messy. Worse still, this was meant to be an emotion-driven character study, maybe some cute WAFF romance, not SAD ANGRY BOI SPOUTING NIHILISTIC POP PHILOSOPHY. D:<

I already have a bunch of random ideas and scenes and conversations stored away so I can use them when I really do decide to really flesh out this story kicking and screaming inside me. But I need to know if, based on this excerpt I pooped out in the middle of the night, if I’m heading towards OOCness even with the justification of this being an AU inspired by the BEAST novel existence and the ramifications this has with the Book and reality itself.

Scene set up: A teenage!Dazai is doing some investigation for the Agency (for the governemnt? personal reason? don’t know, not important). He ends up meeting someone he hasn’t seen in years.

D:< D:< D:<

Horizontal gaze, horizontal brows, horizontal mouth.

Vertical posture, vertical gaze, vertical words.

Blank mirrors for eyes.

“I cannot wallow. I have made my choices. Yes, poor ones. Yes, willingly too. Is that something too far out beyond your understanding of me? Did I not make a confirmation of my unwittingly, painful performance of another’s puppetry of my person? I made losses, for you and for me. In this world and in his. In yours. Perhaps mine, one day, if I choose to bring myself to consider paying any attention to it. That is the past.

“I decided nothing is impossible anymore. I might not be capable for some actions, but I can trust in this vague, indecisive, claustrophobic world to provide bodies of wilfulness and determinism to complete such choices. Just because it’s inevitable, it doesn’t invalidate it. I rather continue to futilely cling and drag it down with me, because it’s worth debasing oneself with feeling rather than to detach yourself to a numbness of your own ineptitude to accept something will happen regardless.”

The mirrors stop reflecting me.

This gaze... too uncomfortably familiar.

I didn’t think he would let them become wet in front of me again. Time, and time, again to lose something important, because nothing is permanent and everything leaves. Why continue to peruse this performance-!

That gaze burns. Odasaku, what did you say back then!? For such a thing to be exist on his face-!

“Do you really think that numbness came from not feeling anything? Form your vast intelligence and understanding of human behaviour, is that your conclusion? Has it ever occurred to you that to receive so much feeling that your are unable to process it in any form, because of our human limitation on understanding ourselves beyond our vastly narrow perspective? We don’t know ourselves and spend lifetimes trying to make sense of the cosmic randomness that is our person. We are all crippled and in pain, deeply isolated from others, never to understand at all. Is that meaningless? Futile? FUCK NO. We are always MEANT to be that ignorant. Living any life, as painful, strange, remorseful, relentless, ecstatically, vapidly, vastly means there is so much more to experience. To be overwhelmed from. To be stuffed, gutted, and our viscera from the breach to be made beautiful arrangements from what been done!”

His arms movement is jerky, flung far and away from his body. Flapping around as he continues to talk. And talk. And Talk. And Talk. AND TALK-! He contorts his posture in one abrupt, backwards motion, to flop his head back, to look upwards into the endless sky. His knees are bent forward, while his back curves and his chest laying parallel to that endless sky. It’s so dark without the stars; clouds are hiding the sky from his exhibitionist-like action. His chest is moving so wide, then contracting into himself, and wide, and into himself once again. Such deep breathing...

“No matter how intelligent you are, and how aware of people you are, and how you can pluck their strings to dance to your melody, and how deeply isolated you are feeling... You are still one stupid, stupid child, playing the fake society role of ‘adult,’ nonsensically clinging to a story that already ended. I don’t think things will play out as you wish; you believe it will. Because people are still choosing, even in ignorance. Your complacency doesn’t absolve you, but neither is your pro-activeness will be deliverance. We don’t Need anything; we don’t Want anything. We only really need to simply need. We only really want to simply want. It just be simply, simple.”

Is he all a giant sigh? Why were you looking at me like that? I was certain you and Odasaku understood where we were all coming from. Just like back then, there are new futures to pursue, to experience, to protect. Odasaku said it is better to be a good man... And I do want to try. I want it so much, so... of all of us who is trying so hard to be good...

What led you towards this path?

You were the last person we believed would become like this...

“Your intelligence only really reveals your mind-boggling stupidity. I just wished I realized it all those lifetimes ago. I wish I was smarter to realize Sakunosuke was already walking the path he dreamed of, with you.”

I know how lucky I am to have Odasaku this time around. But what does that has to do with you and Dostoevsky working together and for-!

Oh, that mirror is back up, alongside your physical self sending itself towards me.

“I’m sure I know what the Agency is planning. And I will do what I can to make it as difficult and uncomfortable as possible. Not because I don’t want you succeed; somehow you will regardless. I trust that much in the Agency, in you, in Sakunosuke. I only ask that whatever may happen, I will receive the Book for a few moments. Hopefully I can grant my final wish before oblivion.”

But where is that heart of yours?

#bungou stray dogs #bsd fanfiction #bsd dazai osamu #dazai am I doing your character justice???#Odasaku is mentioned a lot for a guy I didn't plan on being super involved in the story #yet he is the core of the character's journey into... not feeling terrible all the time #odazai is mistaken to be happening #i don't know if I should tag character no 2 #but it sort of is obvious who Dazai is talking to #I think...

2 notes · View notes

xxwritemeastoryxx · 5 years

Text

Forgotten Alliance Ch 33

Author: xxwritemeastoryxxPairings:

Elijah Mikaelson x OC with other parings mentioned throughout.

Word Count: 9.9K

Warnings: Canon Typical things

Author’s Note: As a reminder, FA can be found on ffnet up to chapter 42. I am uploading chapters here on tumblr for convenience. I decided against tagging this until new chapters are posted. If you would like to be tagged please let me know! Chapters are queued and will be posted randomly. Enjoy

Time just seemed to be rushing by Elizabeth and the others. In a blink of an eye, it had already been four months since Elizabeth had watched Hayley and Hope drive off to find a new place to call their temporary home. And in that time, Elizabeth had found nothing of use to any of them. The phone that she had kept from Taylor had proved that there was someone wanting answers. But no matter how many times she had someone trace the phone they came up empty. Only a few text messages came through but after that, there was nothing from it.

For the first two weeks after they left, Elizabeth had several vampires waiting at the now vacant house in hopes to catch whoever it was that sent Taylor out in search for Hayley's whereabouts. But weeks had passed and there wasn't any signs of anyone coming to check in on their informant. No one came to grieve over their fallen spy, no one cared that she had gone missing for that time that she had. It left Elizabeth frustrated and she actually wondered if this had all been in her head.

She wondered if she had somehow convinced herself that this was real and she needed Hayley and Hope to leave and find safety elsewhere. If it had all been in her head, she wouldn't have a dead vampire laying on the porch of the vacant house waiting to see if anyone would come to collect her, or even pick up where she left off. She wouldn't have a cellphone with several messages that had created a timeline of when she had came into Malakai's life and insisted she go with him back to the states to see Elizabeth. There was so much that proved that this had been very real, but everything they now had was leading to several dead ends and Elizabeth wasn't sure how many more she'd be able to take.

On top of it all, a few weeks after, several of Klaus' sireline poured into the city. They came from everywhere. From the closest cities near by to far off places, they all came. All of them were there to party it up as the second anniversary came and went of the Mikaelsons being taken down by Elizabeth. Many of them came just to see if it still had been true. When they found out that the tales had been accurate, they indulged themselves just as the others had been doing. Others came for the sole purpose of meeting the one person that had been able to take them all down in a single night.

Their stay, however, had put each of the factions on edge. The witches stuck to the cauldron in hopes to avoid the vampires altogether. The wolves stayed out in the bayou. But any vampire that stepped into it their land didn't make it back out without a fight. As for the humans, they were the most on edge. Their safety was the number one concern. The Mayor had a fit the moment the numbers increased by fifty. Elizabeth had to reassure him that nothing too out of hand would happen while they were in town. It was the very reason Elizabeth had to fall back into playing a role just has she had two years ago.

For the week the vampires came, Elizabeth played the happy host who didn't have her humanity. She said and did things she normally wouldn't have. But no matter how much she had said things, none of them had been true. She hated acting as she had but if it made it so the visitors were happy and they kept to the rules than it was worth it for the time being. During that week, Elizabeth had a hard time with her bloodlust. Even while putting on the show as she needed to, drinking blood without a care was supposed to be one of those things she needed to do. It was more than she ever wanted to get caught up in it just to show that she had in fact no humanity. Of course even with the facade she had to keep up, she still kept up with the rules of the city. She managed to steer the others to do the same while slowly falling off the wagon.

Malakai and Veronica helped sell the facade while also making sure no one went snooping for anything, especially for Klaus. They mostly stayed at the back end of the celebration watching everyone, including Elizabeth. They could see that while she looked like she was enjoying herself she was struggling to keep her bloodlust in check. But every night those that came for the celebration would encourage Elizabeth to begin the feeding frenzy. Of course both Malakai and Veronica were worried about her. They couldn't wait for them all to leave and for things to get back to normal as possible. And when they had, it took weeks just to attempt to get Elizabeth back on the wagon. It was one of the reasons that Elizabeth had told Hayley she needed more time when she called to tell her they had found somewhere safe after being away for three months. But even after all was said and done, things had seemed to get worse.

Lily had no break through in breaking down Elizabeth's venom. All she could manage to get out of it was that there was seven components tied together by something she had never seen before. Elizabeth knew it was the magic holding it together from the spell. Elizabeth also learned that breaking them apart and finding a cure for it would take longer than she expected it would. Elizabeth expected months to at least a year to do so, but with Lily's experience and Elizabeth's agreement with her, it would take more than a year to reverse it all. It made Elizabeth all the more frustrated that science couldn't help as much as magic could ever possibly do.

No matter how much science had helped to create the components of the serum, it wasn't helping so much now. It's what made Elizabeth have Jess seek out others that had ties into every kind of magic just as Jess had. When they had all met, even they couldn't find any kind of spells to break down the serum that was running through Elizabeth's blood. No matter how many times Elizabeth sat in a circle, cut her hand for blood, or was channeled, they hit dead ends as well. It was proving more and more that Elizabeth needed more man power, or she needed a serious connection with the ancestors to undo what they had Vincent do.

During that time, an idea had been presented to Elizabeth by Josh. He had suggested to seek out the seven werewolf packs. It was their venom that made it powerful, it would be the key to finding the cure. While the idea had been a smart one, Elizabeth didn't want to drag the wolves into her own mess. She gave excuses to Josh like 'Mary would kill us' and 'no wolf would ever give up their venom without force'. She had a point though. She wasn't going to be like Lucien and kidnap them just to get their venom. It would lead to more problems in the future that she wanted to avoid.

It had definitely been a long four months for Elizabeth. But she knew things had to get better at some point. She would eventually find some way to avoid that particular set of visions in her future.

"Please tell me that is wine." Veronica asked as she walked in to Elizabeth's study. She had been sitting in a recliner with a glass in her hand. Of course the contents of it wasn't what Veronica was hoping it was.

"It's wine." Elizabeth lied as she took another drink. When Veronica shook her head, Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "It's from a bag, buzz kill."

In moments like this, Veronica believed that Elizabeth was acting as she had when Klaus' sireline was there and enjoying the party life. It was as if her attitude had changed all because of her bloodlust. The whole thing reminded Veronica of a regular human trying to quit drinking. There were several things that matched between the two situations and she hated seeing Elizabeth that way.

"And what bag are you on?" Veronica asked. She felt like she was older the vampire scolding Elizabeth for being caught drinking.

With a loud annoyed sigh, Elizabeth got up from her seat and walked over to the balcony and poured the glass over the railing, not caring about where the blood was going to end up. "Happy?" She asked as she walked passed the desk,setting the glass down and walking out of the room.

Veronica sighed and ran her hand through her hair. This was getting difficult. Getting a vampire back on a wagon when one was still struggling to hold her own bloodlust in check was the hardest thing to Veronica. She thought Elizabeth would have been better by now.

"She'll get through this." Malakai said leaning on the door frame. "She's been through a lot the last few months."

"I just expected her to be normal, as normal as Liz can be, again." Veronica said with a nod. "But it's like she is giving up."

"I'll see about taking her out to Hayley's soon. Hopefully that will sober her up some and maybe Elijah will be able to knock some sense into her." Malakai was hopeful. He never had to deal with her falling off the wagon like she had. She had always been so in control of what her limits were. And here she was drinking through their stocked supply of blood bags. At least it was better than her drinking straight from the source. "But I can tell you right now, she hasn't even come close to giving up yet. Knowing Liz, she still trying to come up with another plan of getting the cures."

"You have so much faith in her." Veronica did as well, but at times like this, she didn't know how to feel.

"I have to. She's fallen off the wagon more than once in her time as a vampire. Most of them had been while I was the one in a sleeping spell. She still managed to pull herself together and get back on track." Malakai trusted that Elizabeth would eventually get herself together. She was a strong person in herself and seeing her give up was something Malakai had never seen her do. She had come close to giving up, but he wouldn't be awake if it wasn't for her.

"You do realize it took almost nine hundred years to wake you up, right?"

"I would have been up sooner if the whole doppelganger thing happened more frequently. If Katherine hadn't killed herself, I would have been up five hundred years ago." He stopped for a minute. "Even if she had been used in the ritual, I still would have been dead." Katherine may have been smart in turning herself but it meant Elizabeth had to wait for the next doppelganger. When the time came, he was thankful she had waited around a little bit more before she woke him up.

Elizabeth had told him she had watched from a distance as she watched the ritual unfold. She watched as Klaus killed the wolf and the vampire before making his way to the doppelganger and killing her. Elizabeth had watched, and followed as Elijah took Klaus away from the Salvatores. Elizabeth made it a point to follow and wait until Klaus decided to make another one of his hybrids. When they continued to die, Elizabeth left Malakai untouched for fear the ritual had gone wrong. That was until she followed him back to Mystic Falls and they had both found the doppelganger alive. When Klaus took her and began taking her blood, that was the moment Elizabeth had stepped in and taken a bag of her blood. Several days later, Malakai was up and feeding on the blood she had brought for him. If she hadn't waited, Malakai would have died.

Veronica looked around Elizabeth's study. "I'm just not used to her being this way. She's always seemed to have things in control."

"Eventually everyone loses that control at some point in their lifetime. For Liz, this is probably the only time she'll be like this for another 50 or so years." Malakai was just taking a guess here. He didn't know a lot about Elizabeth's falling apart patterns. He only knew about three times she had fallen off the wagon. One of those times, they were currently dealing with the aftermath of it.

"Do you think I'll be the same way?" Veronica asked even though she wasn't sure she wanted to hear the possible answer. She was still getting used to being a vampire. It was easy and difficult all at the same time. Seeing Elizabeth fall apart made her want to try and hold her bloodlust aside even more.

"You are a new type of vampire that we hardly know anything about." Malakai wasn't even sure how to give a hopeful answer. "You may be able to resist the call of blood a lot more easily than Elizabeth ever will since she had known it all well before the serum came into her system. Maybe you'll get lucky and it won't ever be a problem."

"That doesn't make me feel any better about this." Veronica said signing.

"I'm definitely not good at this." Malakai said as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Why don't you go see Vincent. Magic might help you forget about this for a while."

"But when I get back it'll be the same." Veronica wasn't sure how it would help.

"Hopefully it will be a little better by the time you get back." Malakai nodded his head towards the door. "Go learn new tricks. I'll take care of Liz."

"Alright." A small smile tugged at her lips as she turned and left the room.

Following her out, Malakai turned down the hall as she headed for the stairs. He could hear Elizabeth's voice as he started walking closer to her room. There was pauses here and there that told him she was on the phone. He stood outside listening and a smile slowly grew on his lips as he listened.

"A bigger room? That's great." Elizabeth said into the phone. "Do you have nice new things?" For an almost four year old, Elizabeth was amazed at how much she was talking away about her new room.

It just doesn't have a lot of toys.

"What kind of room doesn't have toys?" Elizabeth asked knowing Hayley could hear.

I haven't had the chance to stock up on toys for her. She's got a lot crayons and paper to draw on though.

"I'll have to bring her some." Elizabeth said with a smile on her face. "Isn't her birthday coming up?"

In two weeks.

I'll be four!

Elizabeth laughed as she heard Hope. "We'll have to make sure you get to spend some time with your Aunts and Uncles."

Yes, please!

Elizabeth could hear the excitement in her voice. They both hadn't had a visit and she was sure Hope was having a harder time not seeing them when they were only a walk away from her. While Elizabeth missed them and wanted to see them, she wasn't sure if it was a smart thing to do. She was still having problems limiting her blood intake. While a vampire did need blood to keep themselves from desecrating, Elizabeth's problem was wanting it every minute of every hour.

"You'll only be able to spend some time with them. I'm sure your mom has plans of her own for your birthday." Elizabeth didn't want to hijack Hope's birthday by spending it all day in the dream world.

To be honest it was just going to be cake and ice cream at home. You'd be our only guest unless you plan on bringing Kai.

"Do you actually want me to bring someone with me?" Elizabeth asked.

It'd be nice to have more than you and Hope to talk to.

"I take it you haven't spoken to Mary recently then." She was only assuming.

A few times, here and there. She's got her hands full, just like you do. And honestly I don't think I can handle another lecture on how I left the pack to keep sleeping vampires hidden.

"Sounds almost the same as the 'The city doesn't need them back' lecture I've been getting from her from time to time." It was actually whenever the council got together to discuss things. Elizabeth would mention future circumstances of 'if and when' the Mikaelsons returned and Mary would always make her remarks about leaving them to die or that they've had their turn in the city. Elizabeth never argued more than needed when it came to it. "Sometimes I am afraid I'll snap on her for some of the things she says."

Hayley chuckled. She does have a way with words.

"Yes she does." Elizabeth shook her head slightly. "But if you want I can talk to her about going out there with us. I'm sure you want someone who is around wolves as well."

Elizabeth heard Hayley sigh. Yeah, that'd be great.

"And now Hope will have more people for her birthday." Elizabeth noted.

I guess I should get the guest rooms set up. When exactly should we be expecting you three?

"Let's say a week and a half from now. That way Hope and I can get a few days in the dream world and that way you and Mary can clear the air." Elizabeth looked over the doorway. "And we can put Malakai on guard duty or something."

Malakai rolled his eyes from his spot just outside the door. He didn't like the idea of just being a guard for them. He wanted to be a part of the festivities.

Hayley's laugh came through the phone. We're safe for now, Liz.

"I know." Elizabeth said sighing. "I just don't want to take any chances. There was nothing that could tell us who was looking for you."

It's for a few days, Liz. We're cloaked, and I am sure you'll be taking extra precautions on your way out here. It's going to be fine.

"You say that now." She shook her head even though Hayley couldn't see her doing it.

You're afraid we'll have to move around again. It hadn't been a question at all. But both of them knew that was the case.

"You shouldn't have to keep moving around. Hell, I'll bring Josh with us as well to make sure we have more there to make sure everything is fine." Elizabeth wasn't entirely sure if she would actually bring Josh with them or not. She did need someone here that she could trust.

Do you want to risk more people knowing? While I trust Josh, it does defeat the whole 'keeping a low profile' thing we've been talking about.

"Right." Elizabeth sighed. "It'll just be the three of us. And like you said, I'll be taking extra precautions to get there."

How many stops do you plan on making?

"I'll figure that out when the time comes." Elizabeth wasn't even sure about her plan for making sure no one would be following them. She was sure that was something she'd come up with the day they left. "Just remember-"

To text you step by step directions and not everything at once. Hayley finished for Elizabeth.

"Yeah, that." Elizabeth said shaking her head slightly.

Liz, we really are okay. Take it as a moment to breathe.

"I'll try." The last time I did that, things went wrong. The thought played through her head. It was what she wanted to say. She was nervous, to say the least. And she had a right to be. She was a mess herself and she was afraid that may it be her own personal battle or even another force stepping in, she was afraid that things wouldn't go as planned.

See you in a week. That was the last thing Elizabeth heard before the line went dead. Sighing, Elizabeth ran her hand through her hair as she tucked her phone into her pocket.

"Am I to be a guard dog on this trip?" Malakai asked as he walked into the room.

"Maybe." Elizabeth said as she walked over to the small bar. She poured herself a glass of bourbon before opening the mini fridge and pulled out a blood bag, pouring some of it into the glass before placing the bag back into the fridge.

Malakai shook his head as he watched her take the glass and brought it up to her lips, taking a drink. "While I know we need blood to survive and all, but what is it going to take to get you to see that we are going to have a problem compelling more blood bags with how much you've been drinking?"

Elizabeth let out a small growl, hoping that would be enough of an answer for Malakai. She finished off the glass before setting it down and picking up her jacket that had been draped over a chair. "There are a few things I'll be needing to take care of today." She said as changing the subject as she began to put on the jacket. "I'd suggest not waiting up, but something tells me I'll be walking in to find the both of you sitting in the courtyard waiting for me."

"Can you blame us?" Malakai asked as he stood in her way. While he knew he was no match for her, he wasn't going to let her leave without at least trying to get the point across to her.

"If you haven't noticed, which I am sure you have since you were listening in on the call, I have more important things to worry about than me drinking blood that's been sitting in a bag." She walked passed him with a hard shove of her shoulder against his. "I'll be fine before we leave." She called back before she was gone from the compound.

Leaves crunched with each step as Elizabeth made her way through the bayou. While she and Mary hadn't spoken since their last council meeting, Elizabeth knew Mary wasn't going to pass up an opportunity to check in on Hayley and Hope. She was even sure that while she only came to offer the invite, the Mary would more than likely comment on her current situation.

As she made her way past several trees, she could easily hear the whispers that were coming from some of the wolves that were keeping themselves hidden. Elizabeth made sure she was seen coming into the bayou. May it be to show she meant no harm to them or some dark part of her was hoping they'd want to attack, just so she could have the thrill of a fight.

"A phone call would have been nice." Mary's voice carried from her spot on the porch. "You know what happens when your kind come here."

"My kind?" Elizabeth laughed. "There is only one other of my kind and she is currently sitting in a mausoleum practicing magic."

"You know damn well what I meant." Mary said as she crossed her arms.

A small smirk grew on Elizabeth's lips. "Yet, they haven't moved against me." Elizabeth nodded her head towards the side where a few of the wolves had been waiting. "My kind must be special."

"What is it you want Liz?" Mary asked as she took a step off her porch towards Elizabeth.

"I have an invitation for you." Elizabeth said as she took a step towards Mary.

"I have no interest in attending one of your parties." Mary said shaking her head.

Elizabeth gave a fake pout for a moment. "I guess it is a good thing it isn't mine."

Mary's eyebrow rose as she eyed Elizabeth. "Who is it for?"

"Oh you know, a person about yay-high." Elizabeth motioned with her hand about the size of Hope. "Blonde and luckily has her mother's temper so far." Elizabeth could see understanding come over Mary.

"Why don't you come in side and we'll talk?" Mary said before turning and walking towards the door before waiting for Elizabeth.

Elizabeth nodded and followed the woman before walking inside Mary's house. This had been the first time she had been in the woman's house and it looked just as she imagined it. Her eyes scanned the place as she heard Mary close the door behind them and walked over to a small table, lighting sage.

"How are they?" Mary asked.

"They're fine." Elizabeth said looking over at the woman. "I spoke to Hayley earlier today."

"And Hope? I haven't seen that child in some time." Mary looked happy that she was getting some kind of updates on Hayley and Hope.

"She's excited that she'll be turning four. She's talking a lot more now." Elizabeth explained. She wasn't going to mention about the magical outbursts that Hope has had or the fact that they've been able to visit the Mikaelsons in the dream world that they are currently in. She didn't need to give Mary fuel for future arguments.

"Did she say if she was coming home or not?" Mary asked as she took a seat in a worn chair.

"We both know what that answer is, Mary." Elizabeth shook her head slightly. "And that isn't what this visit was about in the first place. Hope's birthday is coming up and while Hayley had nothing planned, I suggested bringing you along. We're not here to talk about what we are or aren't doing with the Mikaelsons. "

"You know where they are?" Mary seemed surprised.

"Nope." Elizabeth said as she took a seat across from her. "I wont know until we get there. That is if you want to go."

"Us two on a road trip?" Mary laughed. "That sounds like a horrible plan. I'd rather go on my own."

Elizabeth had expected an answer like that. It had made her chuckle and shake her head. "Then it looks like you won't be attending. Hayley and I have an agreement. We're not giving out the location so easily. Not after the last time."

"Why is it that you are both wanting to risk everything to make sure they are hidden?" Mary asked irritated.

"Do you even have to ask that question anymore?" Elizabeth asked looking at the woman. "This is Hope's family we are talking about. It also my mate that is lying in one of those caskets Hayley is trying to keep hidden."

"They have lived several lifetimes and caused enough trouble through the centuries. Their time on this earth should have ended already. Plus, Hayley is no longer tied to them since you came into the picture."

The words had almost made Elizabeth smirk. "She is that girl's mother. They are just as much as her family as well. Hasn't she told you that numerous times before?"

"Look where it has gotten us." Mary said with a glare.

"Makes you wonder what would have happened if I never showed up, doesn't it?" Elizabeth wanted to say exactly what was on her mind. But she knew in doing so, things would have been said that she wasn't sure she could take back. Instead, she stood up from her seat."We'll be leaving from the compound in exactly a week and a half. We'll be leaving around dawn. If you show up, I'll take it as a 'we can be civil enough' for the trip. If you don't," Elizabeth shrugged her shoulders. "just means you don't care much about them to go and see them."

Before Mary could even think of a response and open her mouth, Elizabeth was gone from her sight.

"Another round?" The bartender asked. Elizabeth had looked up at the woman and nodded. Natalie was the bartender that took over several months after Cami's death. She was a vampire and liked to cater to the thirst of vampires without having to hide their drinks from the humans. She called them her specialty drinks as it always consisted of blood.

"Make it a special one." She said pushing the glass towards the woman.

"Wouldn't you rather just grab a tourist?" Natalie asked.

Elizabeth chuckled. "While that would probably satisfy the unquenchable thirst that I am currently feeling, I'd rather not."

"What happened to the mighty leader that was partying it up not long ago?" Natalie asked as she moved to the back of the bar to make the drink Elizabeth requested.

"She's…" Elizabeth tried to think of the words to best describe herself on this whole thing. "struggling to get back into everything all serious."

"You do realize we aren't perfect right?" Natalie said as she placed the glass in front of Elizabeth. "Even I indulge every once in a while."

"That's the thing, I can't." Elizabeth said shaking her head. "I have issues with bloodlust. Always have and I am pretty sure I always will."

Natalie sighed and pulled another glass out and made her the same drink. "I know you are pretty much ancient. But in the four hundred years that I've been on this Earth, bloodlust is definitely the least of your worries."

Elizabeth chuckled as she picked up the glass in front of her. "Don't I know that." She took a drink before shaking her head slightly. "The thing is, I used to be so carefree. I used to want to see the world without anything thing to hold me back. I could go decades without having an issue with my bloodlust just because I was free."

"What's stopping you from doing that now?" Natalie asked before she took a drink, watching Elizabeth.

The question itself should have been the easiest thing to answer. She should have been able to say 'My mate is counting on me to wake him from a spell that I had caused.' or even the easier one 'I'm putting the pieces of my long life back together.' But as Elizabeth looked down at her glass, she couldn't find the right answer. It was as if the question had caught her off guard in a way she wasn't expecting it to.

"That person died centuries ago." Elizabeth said with a nod before looking up at Natalie. "I hardly know who I am anymore."

"That's the fun part of you being this new and improved vampire that you are now." Natalie said with a nod before looking around. "This is your chance to get that fresh start to be that person that died all those years ago."

"I'm two years in already. I wouldn't call it a fresh start when I am trying to fix things." Elizabeth said before taking another drink. "One day I will get to get my fresh start."

"Then instead of drinking away that frustration and desperation that is clearly in you," Natalie said as she dared to pull the glass from Elizabeth. It caused Elizabeth's eyebrow to raise as she watched her do so. "get your ass into gear and make that day come sooner." Natalie tossed the drink and placed her hands on the bar. "I may have never met Elijah or his family, but with as much as we've been having these talks here, I am just going to assume they are counting on you to not give up. And by the looks of it Liz, you seem to be hanging on by a thread that's ready to break."

Hearing those words had made Elizabeth look at Natalie. Her eyes had stayed on her for several moments before she looked away. Natalie was right though. Elizabeth was about to give up. She was running out of options and wasn't sure what the next move would be to get the cures. She knew that she wasn't close in anyway to plan Z since she hadn't had any sense of Deja vu in the last several months.

"You're right." Elizabeth said with a slow nod. "I'm a mess and I don't know what to do next."

"There must be someone you can talk to that can give you some ideas." Natalie suggested. "Someone who maybe closer to the situation. I mean I could throw out several ideas, but I highly doubt any of them can help with what you are looking for."

That had caused an idea to form in Elizabeth's head. She had known someone she could talk to about this all. Hell that person could even help her with it all. Natalie could see her eyes light up at the realization of something. A smile grew on Natalie's lips and she nodded her head towards the exit. "Go on." She said encouraging Elizabeth.

"Thanks." Elizabeth said as she stood up and pulled a few bills out of her pocket and placed them on the bar. "For the drinks and the therapy session." She said giving Natalie a smile.

"Any time, Liz." Natalie said watching as Elizabeth left.

Elizabeth must have stood in the same spot for over twenty minutes. She was debating with herself on if this would be such a good idea or not. Her eyes never left the sleeping form in front of her. Her hand moved away from her body towards the sleeping form before dropping it back to her side. She must have repeated the motion several times as she stood there trying to make up her mind.

Part of her just wanted to get this over with. That she'd be able to explain her actions once all was said and done. She hoped that everyone would understand why she needed to do it. She felt like she couldn't do this alone anymore. She hoped to hell that a new plan would form afterwards and things would continue on as they should be. But there was that other part that told her that this was not the way to go. That even if she went through with this, she'd put them all in danger. Jess had even told her why this had been useful in the future. Elizabeth wasn't sure that if she did this now that she would be able to undo it later.

Sighing loudly she walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry Klaus." She said shaking her head. "As much as I need your help, I can't pull that blade out. Not yet anyways." She said to him knowing he could hear her. "Can you help me out with a plan though? I'm kind of stuck." She asked as she reached out and placed her hand on top of his.

"It took you long enough." Klaus said as he stood leaning against the door frame. "The game of is she or isn't she was beginning to bore me."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes as she looked over at him. "I think it was the most exciting thing you've witnessed the last few months."

"You mean besides the party you were throwing in my city." He said with a smirk on his face.

"Your city? I was under the impression it was completely mine during that week long party." She said with a smirk matching his.

Klaus rolled his eyes. "Right. Because my whole sireline worships the ground you walk on for disposing of us all. Won't they be disappointed when they learn the truth."

"A lot of people will be disappointed." Elizabeth said as she looked around. She was surprised Klaus still chose the compound as his place of stay while in his mind. She thought he'd at least venture out to keep himself sane while stuck in his own mind. "It will be a shock to many when you all return."

"By the sound of your voice and the plea for ideas, you've come to a standstill." He said as he took a few steps towards her. "Am I to believe you are going against your word?"

"Never." Elizabeth said as she looked over at him. "I would never leave him to be stuck in some dream world. I've just hit a wall."

"You know how I would go about things." He said with a smirk.

"I am not killing or threatening people." She said shaking her head.

"You wouldn't be stuck at this 'wall' if you had." Klaus pointed out.

"But there would be chaos. And what would be left for you all to come home to?" She asked crossing her arms. "You know I've been doing my best to make sure this place is safe to have Hope back here. Being all murderous and acting as if I am God would do nothing but create more enemies for us. Is that what you want to see when that blade is finally out of your chest?"

Klaus sighed and shook his head. "No. Not if that means there will be more to have to keep Hope safe from."

"Then you understand why it is better to do things the civil way." She said knowing he understood.

"Yes." He said with a nod. "How are they?"

"Better now that we've been able to visit them." She said with a smile. "But I haven't been over there for the last four months."

"And what is the reason for that?" He asked curiously.

"They had to move." She admitted. She knew that there wasn't a way to sugar coat it in anyway. She explained why they had to move and gave all the details of killing Taylor. She gave all the details she had on the following weeks after Hayley had left and about the dead ends she reached.

"And still there is nothing?" Klaus asked. He had began pacing when Elizabeth had mentioned Taylor and he hadn't stopped.

Elizabeth could see that just like Elijah, Klaus hated he was stuck with a blade embedded into his chest. He wanted nothing more than to be the one helping Hayley protect their daughter and his siblings while Elizabeth got the cures. But because of future visions and the need to keep Klaus safe in one spot, he was stuck.

"Nothing that will help us in locating whoever it was that was looking for them. While I can suggest whoever it is is from your sireline, but there is no way to even remotely begin searching for them." She shook her head at the thought.

"They are searching for my brother." He shook his head. "He is still linked to his line, that is the only reason they would go in search for Hayley."

"They wont get to him." Elizabeth said crossing her arms. Just hearing the words had sparked something in her.

Klaus smiled seeing her reaction. "That fire in your eyes is what reassures me that nothing will harm my brother."

"I'd kill anyone that'd try." The words had left her mouth quickly before she even knew what she was saying. But it was the truth. While she wouldn't go around purposely killing those that got in her way. But she couldn't deny that the willingness to kill anyone that threatened Elijah was there. The bond had its moments where she'd become protective of Elijah. It was in that moment at even at the suggestion of someone wanting to kill Elijah that it sparked just as it did now.

"You really do fit in with the family." Klaus said watching her. "You're willing to kill for us. You've proven that by killing a spy without any hesitation."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." She said looking at Klaus. "I promised that they would be safe until I can get them their cures. I'm not about to allow some pathetic war between sirelines stop me from being able to wake Elijah and get Hope her family back."

"I admire that about you. You could have just left us in this spell, knowing we were safe and went on with your life. And yet," he said taking a few steps towards her. "You are still fighting to bring us together even though my family has done unforgiving things to you and your family."

Elizabeth looked down at her feet for a moment. "As much as I hate all the things you've done Klaus, it's your daughter that needs you. I don't." She shook her head slightly before looking up at him. "I could have been selfish and decided that I would only cure Elijah and wake him and leave. You know I wouldn't hesitate to leave Kol as he is. But there is that part of me that wouldn't be able to do that to Elijah or Hope. To take their family away from them, I'd never be able to go through with it."

"That right there," Klaus gestured towards her. "that look in your eyes and the fire in them, is the very same look I saw that night I tried turning Malakai. That's how I know you wouldn't give up now."

Elizabeth sighed softly. "I'm all out of ideas."

Klaus shrugged. "Then wait until one comes along."

"Wait?" She asked surprised. "That's your plan? I have never seen you patiently wait for anything."

Klaus chuckled. "I'm waiting now, aren't I?"

Elizabeth nodded. "Only because you have to."

"Two years of waiting gives me a lot to think about." Klaus admitted. "For once, I know that when it is time to wait, you'll go mad looking for the answers you are seeking. It just creates a mess."

"Imagine how many lectures you would have been spared if you had waited." She said with a smile.

"Oh, only about a thousand of them." He said before they both started laughing.

Once the laughter ended, Elizabeth's smile faded. "Waiting this time doesn't seem like it will help. Sitting around just seems like a waste of time. That's time you don't get to have with Hope."

Klaus sighed. "The first several months of her life, she lived without me. All memories that I'll never have with her. However long it takes to the cures will be worth it because I'll be able to see them through her mind and the time I will have with her afterwards will be endless."

A smile grew on Elizabeth's lips. "You really have been thinking a lot in here, haven't you?" She asked. "I was expecting threats and malicious plans on how to get the cures."

"You'll have to forgive me if it's not what you expected. Next time I'll start with violence." He said with a smile as he shook his head slightly. An idea formed in his head and his smile grew. " I think I may know of something to help inspire you."

"What is it?" She asked. She was hopeful. She needed something to help move things along.

"In the attic, there are my paintings that I've done. One of them may just give you the idea that you need." He said trying to remember how many paintings he had up there.

"You want me to look at your paintings?" She asked with a raised brow. "Can't you just tell me which one you are thinking about? It'd be a lot faster."

"Than what would be the point? Artwork from others tend to inspire one to do the things they have been hesitant to do." He said placing a hand on Elizabeth's shoulder.

"Fine," she said with a sigh. "I'll give it a try."

"Good." He said with a smile. "Now tell me how my daughter is doing."

Elizabeth smiled and held her hand out towards him. The hand Klaus had on Elizabeth's shoulder moved to take her hand. Elizabeth opened her mind to Klaus and allowed several memories from her previous visits to him. She watched as his smile grew with each memory that played.

"She's growing so much." Klaus said shaking his head once the memories ended. "You're right, being here, waiting, makes things harder. He pulled his hand away from Elizabeth's.

"I know," Elizabeth shook her head as well. "You know I'd let you see her, but this is all a part of keeping them and you safe. I can't have you go to them because there is that risk that someone could try to kill you or use you in someway to get to them. Even having Hayley bringing Hope here could be dangerous."

"I understand. Neither of us want to put our family in danger." He said as he ran his hand through his hair. "Just give me your word that once you find the very idea that could make it so you get the cures, don't hesitate to do so."

"I promise." She said with a nod.

"You should get going. There is an attic full of paintings that need your full attention." He said nodding his head towards where the attic would be if they had been standing in the compound and not in his head.

She gave him a small smile. "It better be one hell of an inspiration, Mikaelson."

Klaus laughed. "You'll know it when you see it."

From the moment Elizabeth pulled her hand away from Klaus', there was a sense of hope that filled her. If Klaus was right, she'd find some kind of inspiration in the paintings he kept. Without hesitating, Elizabeth left Klaus' room and made her way up to the attic. She honestly never had been up there before. She just knew it had a lot of the family's older things from over the centuries.

When Elizabeth reached the door, she opened it and her mouth dropped slightly. The room was filled with several boxes that piled up almost to the ceiling. Her eyes scanned the boxes as she took a step in. "He couldn't just tell me what it was?" She asked out loud to herself as she made her way to the closest set of boxes. "There better be something in here Klaus Mikaelson. Or else I'll have Jess take away your safe haven." While there was a slim probability that he could hear her from his room, her threat had been idle. She just wasn't expecting this many paintings.

"She's been sitting up there for days." Veronica said as she looked up at the entryway to the attic. "I haven't been able to get her to come down yet."

"What is she even doing up there?" Josh asked as he looked up as well.

"She's 'waiting for an answer', whatever that means." Veronica said shaking her head. "I came back from a lesson with Vincent and I found her there. She hasn't moved from her spot at all."

"Did she even say what kind of answer she was looking for?" Josh was curious about this. He needed to speak with Elizabeth about a few things that were going on with the vampires.

"My guess, it's for whatever has her stumped." Veronica said with a shrug.

"Right, because finding a way to cure the Mikaelsons is her top priority." Veronica looked over at Josh with an eyebrow raised. "I'm sorry. I know how much this means to Liz about bringing Elijah back, but is it really necessary to bring all of them back?"

"I'm beginning to learn that you can't just have one of them without the others." Veronica said with a sigh. "Even though I haven't personally met them, something tells me that they are and will always be inseparable."

"Where one goes, the other will follow." Josh said with a nod. "Hopefully that is what will happen. Maybe Liz will get the cures and one of them will decide it's best to go elsewhere and the others will follow."

"You do realize that is wishful thinking, right?" Malakai asked as he approached the two. He looked up the stairs to the attic and shook his head. "This is the home they fought Marcel for, they aren't just going to leave it." He took a few steps up the stairs. "I'll go remind this woman we leave tomorrow, maybe that will get her to find whatever it is she is looking for."

When Malakai reached the top of the stairs he found Elizabeth sitting on the floor looking at a bunch of paintings that were all spaced out in front of her. She wasn't touching them or even moving them. She was just sitting there staring at them.

"I'd hate to interrupt whatever it is you are doing, but shouldn't you be packing before we leave tomorrow?" He asked as he walked up to her and sat down next to her.

"Not until I find it." Elizabeth said as her eyes continued to scan the paintings in front of her.

"You've been at this for days, Liz. What are you trying to find?" He wouldn't say it out loud to her, but Malakai was worried about her. She had gone from a vampire who was off the wagon to one struggling to get back on to completely stopping her feedings. Malakai wasn't sure how she hadn't slowly started to begin to desiccate yet. As he sat there, she did look a little paler than usual. She looked exhausted as well.

"He said I'd know it when I see it." She mumbled as her eyes continued to scan each painting.

"Are these new paintings or have you been staring at these ones the whole time?" He asked as he looked at the paintings.

"New." Was all Elizabeth said as she slowly stood up and collected the paintings off the floor. "He has several boxes of them and he said there was one that would help inspire me."

She sounded hopeful and saddened at the same time and Malakai didn't miss it. He sighed softly as he stood up and helped her collect the paintings. They placed them in the proper box that they had came out of before Elizabeth walked over to the next one. Malakai watched her as she did. Each step she had taken seemed like a drunken one or a child that was still learning to walk. Malakai shook his head slightly and walked over to her.

"You should go drink a bag and then come back to this." He said placing his hands on her shoulders. "You look like you are about to start falling apart."

She shook her head as she pulled a painting out. "I'll drink when-" she stopped as she looked at the painting she had just pulled out. The canvas had been old and made from leather. The colors, even if covered in dust, still held their vibrance. Her fingers moved along the painting. It had been to remove the dust while also touching it just to have some sense of being there in the painting.

Malakai looked at the painting from over her shoulder. A small smile played on his lips as he rested his chin on her shoulder. "Now that is a painting."

Elizabeth nodded as she stared at the painting in her hands. "He always did know how to get the best colors before paint even existed. I used to watch him paint on nice days when he wasn't acting psychotic." She said never taking her eyes off the painting. "I never knew he had been painting that day."

The painting, while old, showed a clear spring day in a village. Flowers bloomed at the bottom of trees and by the huts. In the center of the painting was Elijah holding a younger version of Elizabeth. There was a huge smile on both of their faces as if they had just been laughing away at something. Looking at it from this point of view, Elizabeth knew it was one of the days she and Elijah had been playing in the fields. And if her memory served, this was just days after her sister had supposedly been killed by a wolf. It was the first smile anyone had been able to get out of Elizabeth. There was so much innocence in the painting that Elizabeth hardly recognized herself even though she knew it was her.

"Is this what you've been looking for?" Malakai asked.

"I think it is." She said with a small nod even though her eyes never left the painting. "I said I had wanted something to help me pass the wall I've hit. And I think Klaus knew exactly what I needed. "

"All it took was a painting of you and Elijah?" Malakai shook his head. "I could have just shown you a picture of the both of you days ago."

Elizabeth shook her head and looked over at him. "It wouldn't have helped." She admitted. "This," she said looking back at the painting. "is the reminder that even after something so tragic, there is still…" she paused for a moment trying to find the right word for it. "life. A need to continue on."

"And he didn't think to tell you exactly where this painting was at?" Malakai asked.

"That was the point. The last several days I've been so focused on this." She said gesturing to the boxes around them. "I wasn't caught up in everything falling apart or not going the way we needed it to be."

"While that may be a good thing, you also spent those days not feeding at all." Malakai said with a nod. "I think it's time for you to head down stairs and have a well deserved glass of O negative."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes as Malakai began escorting her out of the attic. She held the painting close as she began making her way towards the stairs. A thought crossed her mind before she reached the steps and she turned back heading for a box on the other side of the attic.

"Please tell me you didn't just change your mind." Malakai said as he watched her set the painting down on a box before quickly rummaging through another.

"We leave for Hayley's tomorrow." She said as she moved paintings around. "I know the perfect gift for Hope from Klaus. I saw it in this box a day ago." She said before she found the particular painting she wanted. She hesitated for a moment as she looked at that one and the one behind it. Looking at both of them, a smile pulled at the corner of her lips. She grabbed both of them before picking up her painting and made her way back to Malakai.

"Are you sure this is all for one kid?" Malakai asked as he closed the trunk to the black SUV. The majority of the trunk space and one row of seats had been filled with wrapped gifts for Hope.

"I couldn't help myself." Elizabeth said with a smile. After she had her fill from blood bags, Elizabeth had went out shopping for gifts. While she knew that it was a bit much, Elizabeth knew it would make the girl happy.

"Hopefully they have enough room for it at the new place." He said shaking his head.

"I'm sure she does." She said as she made her way towards the drivers side. She stopped mid step a small smirk played on her lips as she saw Mary standing there.

"Do you have room for one more?" The woman asked.

"We do." Elizabeth said with a nod. " But we do this my way."

"Fine." Mary said with an eye roll.

Elizabeth's smirk grew as she opened the door to the SUV and pulled out a blind fold and tossed it to Mary. "Stay alert the whole trip or take a nap. I don't care, but don't take that off." She watched as Mary looked at the blind fold in her hands before making her way over to get in the car. Once she was settled in the driver's seat, Elizabeth tossed another blind fold to Malakai.

"Are these really necessary?" He asked.

"Yes." Both Elizabeth and Mary said at the same time. It had caused Elizabeth to smile knowing Mary completely understood the plan.

On our way. Elizabeth texted to Hayley before starting the car.

Stay safe and don't throw Mary out of a moving vehicle. The text was followed by a set of directions.

No promises She sent jokingly as she pulled away from the compound.

This visit was definitely going to be what Elizabeth needed. Since she found the painting, Elizabeth felt better. She knew that, for now, the best thing to do was go see her family. They needed a chance to breathe for once. When they got back, they could worry about what was the next step.

#Forgotten Alliance #The Originals #the vampire diaries #series #Elijah Mikaelson x oc

4 notes · View notes

anigrams-productions · 5 years

Text

Anigrams 2019 Update

Hello, Tumblr. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

It’s been 10 years since, inspired by Japanese visual novels and Winter Wolves’ games, I came up with the idea for the original Memoirs of an Angel - a visual novel (with mini-games) about a dethroned princess courting various handsome men in a fantasy setting while figuring out what to do next.

That quick, fun little game changed my life. I thought, “This is what I want to do. This is what I was meant to do.”

Ten years later, I still feel the same way. Even though my personal projects have taken a backseat to my full-time job as a software engineer and side gigs as a freelance web developer, I feel like now is the time to continue pursuing my passion for making games. I have the skills, I’m working on getting the knowledge, and all I need is more experience and confidence in my work.

Without further ado, let’s take stock of the current state of Anigrams Productions’ various projects...

youtube

Memoirs of an Angel: Legends

Status: Working on it

I have the basic storyboard for the Memoirs remake written out, which has gone through several revisions and will probably go through a few more before I’m satisfied. I’m deep enough into it, though, to know that I’m going to have to split it up into two games: the first focusing on Zuleika taking her throne back, and the second focusing on the conflict with Menorrhi (evil lady who created Chael to kill Zuleika).

I’m still trying to nail down a good gameplay system that not only makes sense for the story I’m trying to tell, but is simple enough that it won’t turn off VN players who enjoyed the original game, and also features strategic elements that make it challenging and give real weight to winning and losing. I’ve built several prototypes, but they’ve all been failures so far.

I’m also still trying to decide whether I want to allow the player to choose the protagonist’s gender or not. The only thing it would really add is the possibility for additional romances (like Duren, whose sexuality was only hinted at in the original game, with most players not even realizing he was meant to be gay). My current stance is that it would be better to add those things as a DLC - get the main game out first, then worry about extra additions that don’t really add anything to the plot.

W.I.S.H

Status: On hold (indefinitely)

W.I.S.H started as Starlit Dreams, a sci-fi themed business simulation about a bored librarian with a passion for inventing robotic prosthetics and her budding friendship with a paranormal investigator on the run from a secret evil organization. Yeah. What the hell was I thinking?

After getting some feedback on the prototype/tech demo I made, I realized that the concept just wasn’t that great. Not only was the story all over the place, but the gameplay (basically killing time by going around to different locations and hoping you ran into the person you needed to talk to) sucked.

Unfortunately, I’d already spent hundreds of dollars on art assets. W.I.S.H was my attempt to take all the same characters (so I could reuse the art) and throw them into a completely different situation, this time a Faustian tale about how the main character makes a deal with a demon and inadvertently breaks the fabric of reality (or something), causing all sorts of paranormal mayhem.

I thought I had a pretty decent plan of how all the characters would be involved in this new storyline and how each of their romantic routes would weave a larger story, but after sharing my outline with a friend, I realized there were a lot of plot holes and things that didn’t really make sense (like why would the main character even make a deal with a demon in the first place?), and I still didn’t know whether I wanted to do a straight visual novel or include some sort of battle system.

Since then, I’ve entertained a few different ideas of how to change up the story, including cutting out most of the cast and maybe even having a completely different protagonist, but nothing has really stood out as a good direction to go in.

For now, this game idea is stuck in limbo.

Memoirs of Genesis

Status: Planning to do someday

A prequel to Memoirs of an Angel, Memoirs of Genesis was originally going to be a kinetic novel (like a visual novel with no choices), but I ultimately decided that if there weren’t choices, it might as well just be a straight novel.

I had a full storyboard written out, but realized that the fragmented, un-chronological structure of the story was difficult to follow. It also didn’t tell much of a story - it was a biography that had no flow, no vision, no cohesion. The events of Genesis’ life are what they are. They had to happen in order for Memoirs of an Angel to happen. But Genesis’ story is one of tragedy and revenge, blurring the lines between good and evil, and that story needs to be told.

That said, I feel like Memoirs of Genesis will be so much more meaningful if you’ve already played the Memoirs of an Angel remake... which isn’t complete yet. So this one is on the back-burner until I complete the main game that it’s supposed to be a prequel to.

Buried

Status: Working on it

I’m not sure if I ever officially announced Buried except for a mention here and there, but it was originally conceived as an old-school text adventure dungeon-crawler. The goal was to practice programming while exploring one of the mysteries of the Memoirs universe: the disappearance of the djinn.

It turns out that building a fun, exciting dungeon-crawler with only text is really hard. I built out the whole dungeon in Minecraft just to be able to get my bearings, but I still couldn’t quite visualize it. So I made some adjustments and started building it in GameMaker using RPGMaker sprites as stand-ins, but it just felt way too generic. I figured there was no point in working on it anymore.

But now, as I work towards my goal of becoming a professional game designer, I find myself in need of a good portfolio piece. Memoirs is so big and dear to my heart that it may be another 10 years before I finish it, so it’s not a good candidate for fluffing up my portfolio. Buried, on the other hand, can be a short, fun little game that I can use to practice things like writing an official Game Design Document, iterating on a concept, building prototypes, etc.

So my plan is to pick it back up and use it as a portfolio piece that I can (hopefully) show off with pride.

The Memoirs Character Creator

Status: Done

Looking back through this blog, it looks like I never officially “released” the Memoirs Character Creator and had planned to add some additional features, like more color options and armor options. Honestly, the UI needs an update, too.

These improvements aren’t a priority, though. From my perspective, this project is done and I’ve been focusing my efforts on other projects instead. That said, I may push out some updates once I start updating my portfolio, but nothing is guaranteed.

Anigrams Language Generator

Status: Needs improvement

The Anigrams Language Generator is just something I did for fun and accidentally added to the website before it was ready.

My idea was to store phonetic symbols associated with specific languages, and create words by randomly alternating vowel and consonant symbols and adding a suffix common to that language (to make the word “masculine” or “feminine”).

In short, it doesn’t work very well. The system needs to be smarter about which vowel/consonant combinations work best together, maybe employing a machine learning algorithm to analyze a sample of text and spit out something instead of storing everything in a database.

It probably won’t get fixed any time soon, though, not with other projects being more of a priority.

#anigrams #update #memoirs of an angel #Memoirs of Genesis #w.i.s.h #Memoirs Character Creator #Anigrams Language Generator #Buried

18 notes · View notes

cutieodonoghue · 6 years

Text

more than all the stars (epilogue)

summary: In a world full of soulmates, Emma Nolan doesn’t know who hers is. Enter Killian Jones, attempting to stop his brother from proposing to his soulmate, only to be thrown a curveball when he’s sent to spend Christmas on a farm with a bunch of strangers. (soulmate modern au)

rating: k+ (mild language, suggestive situations later on)

word count: ~5,900

catch up: read it all on tumblr here

also find on: ff.net, ao3

an: Here it is! The very very end! I am so thankful for all of you readers! You’ve made this last story one to remember with your kind words and encouragement. I hope you enjoy this overly fluffy epilogue as final closure to this sweet little verse.

I know it’s been super fast updating so it’s all done now and safe to binge for those who have been waiting it all out! haha

I love you all more than all the stars in the sky <3

epilogue

SIX MONTHS LATER

One of the best parts of the year is summer, where the sun sets later, the air is warm, and the stars shine their brightest. It’s made even better this year because Killian has a boat that they take out on the weekends.

Emma sits on the porch steps of the farmhouse with Killian at her side one summer night while they watch Henry run around with Wilby in the grass in front of them.

He’s two now, and with the age comes exploration of all sorts, keeping them on the edge at all times. She can hardly believe how fast he’s growing.

The sun hasn’t quite set yet, providing the scene a warm glow, made even warmer when Emma leans her head against Killian’s shoulder and wraps her hand around his well-toned arm.

Killian turns slightly to kiss her head and she smiles softly because of the tenderness of the moment all collaborating in her chest to provide just the perfect feeling.

It’s been a long six months since they decided to make a serious go at a relationship. Grueling, difficult, but exciting and beautiful just the same.

Having barely known him when they decided to jump headfirst into this, it wasn’t as if she could immediately fall into his arms and believe that they’d be alright.

He was gone a lot the first few weeks dealing with the business and getting things settled so he could work from here, and when he finally came to her again, she was afraid that they were fooling themselves. She pushed him away, but he came back time and again, relentlessly pursuing her in spite of the fear both of them feel.

She’s proud of how far they’ve come in six months, though. Proud that she gets to have him and claim him as her own. Proud of the father he’s become for Henry. Proud of how hard he works to provide for them.

“Do you want to go stargazing tonight?” he asks lowly. “Just the two of us?”

Emma hums. It’s well overdue, and after a day like she’s had, she’s desperate for time away from the farmhouse.

“Sure.”

He kisses her head again and she gives her attention to her son, who slows down and plops down in the middle of the grass. Wilby, confused, pushes him with his nose.

“Looks like he’s crashed.” Emma chuckles.

“Dada,” Henry cries out.

Killian sighs and Emma removes her hands from his arm as he says, “That’s my cue.”

He hoists himself up off of the porch and she watches with a full heart as he moves toward the small boy.

“You tired, buddy?” Killian asks. Henry holds his arms up in the air but makes no move to do more than that, so Killian has to squat down to grab him. He kisses Henry’s cheek. “Alright. Let’s get you inside then, my boy.”

Emma stands up and watches them walk toward her, smiling softly. Wilby comes rushing up the steps first, followed by her boys. She opens the screen door leading inside, where her mother works diligently in the kitchen to clean up after dinner.

“He all tired out?” she asks.

“Mm,” Killian brushes a kiss against Henry’s forehead. “Say goodnight to Grandma, Henry.”

Henry refuses to say anything, instead remaining firmly curled into him as if his life depends on it.

Emma laughs softly. “Come on. Upstairs.”

Together, they get Henry ready for bed, something Killian has become the complete master of. The routine consists of a bath, which Henry usually likes a little too much but not tonight, followed by cuddles in bed as one of them reads him to sleep.

Tonight, Killian sits at the foot of the bed with Wilby as Emma holds her son in her arms and flips through the pages of one of his favorite books. Henry dozes off fast tonight, tired from running around and playing with Wilby, which makes tucking him into bed easy too.

Emma switches off the lights and turns to Killian, smiling a little. “You ready?”

He flashes her a bright smile in return. “Aye. More than.”

It really is the perfect night. Warm air, cool breeze, and the stars beginning to shine against the dark sky.

They often go stargazing after dinner, sometimes with Henry in tow if he’s still wide awake and won’t fall asleep. It’s one of her favorite things to do with Killian, because he’s a total astronomy nerd.

She holds his hand as they walk toward the pickup truck. She catches him looking at her and rolls her eyes, smiling as she asks, “What?”

“You’re pretty.”

No matter how serious they’ve gotten, or how long they’ve been together, it still makes her heart skip a beat when he does this kind of thing.

Killian drives up past the house, through the path they’ve created driving out to what he claims is the best spot on the farm for stargazing, and as soon as they arrive, she climbs out of the truck before he can catch up with her.

“It’s a lovely night for stargazing, isn’t it?” he asks, tilting his head back to look at the sky.

He grabs a lantern from the truck bed so they’ll be able to see each other and flicks it on while Emma puts out the blanket.

Emma flashes him an honest, slightly tired, smile. “Yeah.”

Together, they lie down side-by-side, their hands entwined while they stare at the stars.

She knows without even looking or thinking that they’re lying with their marks facing each other, like they always do without thought. She wonders if it’s something all soulmates do, or if it’s just a funny coincidence.

“Where are our stars?” Emma asks. She turns her head to look at him and he chuckles.

“Ah… they’re…” Killian searches the sky for a few seconds and then points, tracing the outline of the Cygnus. “Right here.” A slow smile spreads on his face. “Here we are.”

Emma hums happily after she follows the pattern he makes with his fingers.

Even though she stares at the stars, she thinks about him. He’s far, far more than she could’ve ever dreamed. It’s wonderful in just about every way. He challenges her, and she likes to think she challenges him too.

It took a while for him to convince her to allow him to stay at the house, but after a few nights in the spring where she was sick with a flu while her parents were away for the weekend, she caved completely.

She remembers how completely heroic he was staying up all night with her as if it were yesterday, holding her hair back and feeding her even when she didn’t want to eat.

He’d had to watch Henry, too, something that she thinks must have brought them close. The entire night had been misery, but he made it better by just being there. She knew she loved him then, but had waited a lot longer to admit it.

“What did you do today?” Emma asks, turning to look at him under the dim glow of their lantern light.

He sighs. “Woke up very early.”

She hums a laugh. “Yes. You definitely did.”

When his alarm went off, she may have attempted to entice him to stay in bed by curling her leg over his, but she also may have fallen asleep before she could do any further enticing.

“I helped your father in the barn,” Killian says, lifting their joined hands briefly, “then I went into town and worked on the shop. Called Liam. He’s told me he’s coming home soon.”

“Oh, good,” Emma murmurs.

She hasn’t heard from Elsa in a few days, probably because her time there is winding to an end and they have a lot of things they need to finalize.

Killian smiles. “Aye. Hopefully when he’s back, we can get the shop opened up here.”

He and his father have a mending relationship. Some days it’s good, but some days she listens to him vent for an hour about another ridiculous thing he said or did. Regardless, he’s been the most helpful in Killian’s plans of opening a shop in Storybrooke.

Once or twice, he’s come into town just to see how things were going. She was able to meet him then, properly, and get a good feel for who he is. He seems interested in being in their lives moving forward, so she’s willing to put effort in with him, too.

“What have you done today?” Killian asks after a few minutes lying there in silence.

“I spent the whole day working on the mural,” Emma sighs heavily. “Whose idea was it to do this in the summer, again?”

Killian laughs. Emma presses her hand over her eyes, and arches her back slightly as she stretches her muscles. She’s completely exhausted, as she is pretty much nightly lately.

Mayor Mills had commissioned her to paint a mural on the wall beside the diner against the patio after seeing some of her work hanging up in the shop.

It’s been about a month since she was given the task. Weeks of planning from sketches and mockups and canvases must have driven Killian up the wall, especially when it came time to choose colors for each figure in the mural. But he’s always supported her, no matter what he really thinks.

“It’s incredible,” Killian tells her honestly, turning onto his side. He releases her hand after she turns toward him and settles his palm instead on her hip as he slides closer to her.

Emma pulls her hand off of her face and smiles weakly at him. “It’s not even done.”

“Darling, it’s going to be bloody magnificent when it’s done, but for now, it’s just incredible.”

She laughs through her nose and with a slightly scratchy voice, she says, “Thanks, Killian.”

“Everything you do is wonderful, Emma.”

Leaning his forehead against hers, he breathes her in deeply. She curls her fingers inward gently and presses her hands against his chest. There’s something so special about being with him, the one she was made for, beneath the stars.

After a few seconds lying like this, Killian clears his throat softly and leans away. He smiles at her. “Hey. I have… I’ve got something to talk to you about.”

Emma frowns curiously as he shifts so he’s sitting upright. She follows his lead and sits up beside him.

“Is it bad?”

“No, no,” he shakes his head, laughing a little. “I mean, I hope not.”

He takes a steadying breath. “Emma, I love you,” he says, “I spent a lot of my life without believing I could ever have a love like this, but when I met you, everything changed.”

Realization hits her in a wave. He’s proposing.

It isn’t as if she hadn’t seen this coming. Of course she has. They’re soulmates. They’re in love. But she’s surprised anyway, and she can hardly keep herself from containing the emotion that rises up inside of her.

It’s so right. Being with him is so, so right.

Emma smiles softly at him as he continues, “I know that we’re not perfect, and that there are things you’re still afraid of- I’m afraid of them too.” Her heart skips a heavy beat as tears well up in her eyes. “But there’s one thing that I want you to be certain of.”

Bravely, he reaches into his pocket and removes a ring, confirming her suspicions and making her lower lip wobble. She keeps her eyes on him, wanting to hear the rest of what he has to say because this is a moment she never wants to forget.

“I will always, always be by your side.” Killian promises, holding her watery gaze tight. “So, Emma Nolan, what do you say? Will you marry me?”

She smiles wider and nods quickly. “Yes.”

With a breath of relief, he takes her left hand and presses the ring down past her knuckle. Looking back up, he laughs breathlessly with her, and she eagerly grabs his face for a kiss.

She presses her nose against his when they’re through, both of them out of breath in the best way.

Her fingers curl at the nape of his neck and she whispers, “I love you more than all the stars in the sky, Killian Jones.”

“And I, you.”

///

Maybe the second best thing about the summer are the nights spent sitting out by the fire pit with the smoke giving the air a rich smell.

Her parents like to sit opposite she and Killian on nights like these, after they’ve had dinner on the porch and Henry’s getting just a little sleepy. Her son rests in his grandfather’s arms, resting his cheek against his shoulder while he keeps a watchful eye on the crackling flame.

Wilby sits on the ground beside Emma, his tail moving slowly back and forth as he takes a much-needed break from all of the excitement of the day.

Emma, meanwhile, rests her head against Killian’s shoulder while he wraps an arm around her and holds her tight.

Their engagement is still very much a blissful secret, something she’s delighted in for a little over a week now. She hadn’t wanted to tell her family because of the simple fact that they’re still living with them, knowing full well that her father will insist on them moving out the moment they make their announcement.

“So, I have some news,” Killian says, shifting uncomfortably. “Ah… Emma and I, actually.”

Her mother’s once quiet stare turns surprised and bright. “Oh?”

Killian looks at Emma and she gives him a cautious look. He just smiles back at her as if everything has never been more right.

“We’re engaged.” Killian says with a warm inflection to his tone, as warm as the fire that flickers between them and her parents.

Emma smiles back at him and closes her eyes when he kisses her forehead. They turn back to her parents together and Emma holds up her left hand to show off the ring.

“Oh!” her mother gasps. “Emma! Killian!” She smiles wobbily and clasps her hands together over her chest. “Engaged!”

Emma laughs. “Yes. I know, it’s only been six months, but…” She looks up at her fiancé and searches his eyes. “It’s right.”

He nods. “Aye. It most certainly is.”

“That’s amazing!” her father beams at them. “I’m so happy for you both.”

Emma’s mother comes over to them, effectively separating them while she embraces Killian and then Emma. She looks into Emma’s eyes after and she sees that they’ve become glassy with tears.

“What did I tell you?”

Emma shakes her head minutely. “You were right.”

Her heart so full, Emma pulls her mother in for a tighter hug. She shuts her eyes and fills her lungs twice before letting go.

“So we have a wedding to plan!” her mother says, setting herself back down across from them. “Do you want to have it anywhere special?”

Emma takes Killian’s hand and sucks in a heavy breath. “Actually, I was kind of thinking we’d do it here. On the farm. Where we fell in love.”

Killian applies pressure to her hand and she looks up at him with a smile. He smiles in turn, a gentle thing. “That sounds perfect, to be honest.”

“Done and done,” her father says proudly. “We can have the reception in front of the house and the wedding itself out by those trees you like so much.”

“I should see if I still have my wedding dress,” her mother says thoughtfully, “I think it’s in storage, but you’d look beautiful in it, Emma.”

Her chest swells with happiness. “Yeah, okay.”

She had not thought this would be the way things would go upon telling her parents about their engagement, but it makes her happy, because she knows they don’t disapprove of her relationship with Killian.

“This morning on my way into town, I noticed a for sale sign on the land beside ours,” her father casually mentions, “it’s got a little farmhouse on it. I think the barn burned down a while back, but it’s a nice place.”

And here it is, Emma thinks. She looks at Killian, who lifts his eyebrows at her father.

“Oh, yeah? Hm.” He turns his attention to her. “Do you have any interest in owning a farm with me, Emma?”

She laughs, closing her eyes as she punches his side playfully. “Only if you build me a barn so we can have animals.”

“Deal.” Killian says with all seriousness.

Emma tilts her head to the side. “Really?”

“Well, we’re already pushing it living here,” Killian shrugs, “Henry should really have his own bedroom.”

What he doesn’t say is that they should have their own, but he certainly tells her with the way his lips part and he drags his tongue against his lower lip.

“You’re right,” Emma nods. “We should go take a look.”

“Gold’s selling the property,” her father says, hoisting himself up out of his chair with a now sleeping boy in his arms. “He’ll probably give you a hassle, but if you remind him that he owes me for two summers ago, he might lessen up.”

Emma narrows her eyes. “What happened two summers ago?”

Her father gives them a wry look. “Nothing. It’s a really good story, but I have to put my grandson to bed. Put the fire out when you’re coming inside for the night.”

She looks to her mother, who stands and grabs the blanket that she’d had on her lap before following her father.

“I’m so happy for you,” she says giddily as she passes them by. “Congratulations again.”

“Thanks.”

///

As Emma prepares for bed, she ponders wedding details and comes to the horrible conclusion that if she wants to get married in the summer, either they’ll have to wait a year, or do it within the next few months.

It’s not that she wants to rush it, but getting married sooner rather than later has its benefits, like not having to wait and being allowed the gift of calling her soulmate her husband within the next few weeks or months.

She brushes her teeth and flosses, something she’s picked up since Killian’s started living with her. He insists that it’s crucial to dental hygiene and he’s always asking if she does it, so to appease his desire that she floss, she does, and in return, he makes the bed and folds their laundry.

It’s basically like they are married, she muses after tossing the floss. She examines her teeth briefly and then sighs, meeting her eyes in the mirror.

Tomorrow will be another long day at the mural.

It’s almost finished, but she’s a perfectionist where it comes to this sort of thing, so she’ll probably take three more days to get it all the way done. Mayor Mills has been breathing down her neck about it, worried that it won’t be done in time for the big Summer Festival.

Emma’s tank top rides upward after she leans down to collect her discarded clothes and she catches a brief glance at the bottom of her collection of unique spots.

On a tiny smile, she decides to peel it back all the way so she can see it again.

It’s identical to Killian’s. Sometimes, they lie together side-by-side, and press their spots together just to confirm that they’re indeed matches. She can remember the first time they did it vividly, because she couldn’t stop giggling and Killian was so gentle when he touched her side, as if she’d break.

There’s a gentle tap against the bathroom door before it inches open and he steps inside. It’s too small for both of them, something they’d decided a long while ago, but she doesn’t mind it right now, because she’s thinking so fondly about him that she practically misses him.

“Well, hello,” he murmurs lowly. “Fancy meeting you here.”

He lifts his eyebrow at the sight of her exposed skin and his lips curl in a devilish smirk while he slides his palm against her side over her mark. His lips press against hers in an open-mouthed kiss and she sighs shakily when he moves his lips against her cheek down toward her ear.

“Killian,” she sighs, “Henry is asleep in the next room.”

His teeth nibble against her flesh and tug at her earlobe.

“Some nights I curse this living situation,” he laments while resting his nose against her neck.

Emma reaches behind his head and runs her fingers through his hair. She feels butterflies swell in her belly at his words and she hums.

“We definitely need a house before we get married.”

Killian hums. “We’ll look tomorrow.”

She shakes her head. “Can’t tomorrow. Busy painting.”

He kisses her jawline back to her lips, giving her a lingering moment of bliss before he pulls back.

“We’ll look tomorrow,” he says again. “I don’t care if it’s thirty minutes of your lunch and you’re eating. We’re getting out of here because we’re not living here any longer than necessary.”

Emma laughs and nods. “Okay. Let’s look tomorrow.” Nibbling on her lower lip, she lifts her eyebrow hesitantly, “How do you feel about getting married in September?”

“This September?” he asks. She nods once. A smile spreads on his face. “Yeah. Let’s do it. September. The farm. Henry in a little bow tie.”

She gets giddy at the thought. “And you and me slow dancing under the stars.”

“Mm. The more I think about it, actually…” he moves in closer to her, all dark eyes and smolder. “Tomorrow I’m free.”

She laughs. “You’re free, but I’m busy buying a house tomorrow.”

“Oh, so you think we’ll find something.” Killian teases brightly.

“Well, you’re determined.” Emma shrugs. “And when you’re determined, you get what you want.”

He sighs, “I did get you.”

With a softening gaze, she stares at him lovingly. “That you did.”

///

She’s covered with paint spots and standing back to look at the mural as it is currently when Killian wraps his arms around her from behind, effectively startling her so she squeaks aloud.

“Hey, beautiful.”

Emma turns around to face him and smacks his chest. “You’re the worst.”

“I am?” he asks, aghast. He looks down at Henry, who stands beside him. “Mummy thinks I’m the worst, lad.”

Henry scrunches his nose up. “No!”

Emma laughs softly, but eyes her fiancé. “What’s going on?”

Killian taps his wrist. “We’re going to visit a property or two. Henry’s hungry, though, so…”

“Right,” Emma nods. She squats down and holds out her arms. “C’mere, kiddo. You want a grilled cheese?”

Henry nods and eagerly jumps into her arms. She stands upright again and turns to look at her handiwork. “What do you think, Henry? Is it good? It’s not done yet, but it will be soon.”

Henry points his fingers at it and says, “Pwetty.”

Emma hums. She kisses his cheek. “You’ve been talking to Daddy about it, haven’t you?”

Meeting Killian’s eyes, he smirks back at her. “What? I think the boy just clearly has an eye for good art.”

She nods. “Right.”

Together, they go into the diner and order their food to-go at Killian’s urging. Apparently, they’re supposed to meet with the property owner of the place beside her parents’ within the next half hour.

After climbing into Killian’s truck, Emma helps Henry with his food and then has a few onion rings.

The path they take is the usual drive home, only when Killian reaches the farm gate, he keeps going. After a short distance, they come upon a for sale sign, and he takes a turn up a road she hasn’t driven before.

It’s wooded, a treeline that she recognizes from the perimeter of her parents’ land, but the woods soon give way and reveal a generous and beautiful acreage. But in the middle of it all, the centerpiece, is a cute little house with big windows and a wrap-around porch.

Emma sees a familiar car parked in the driveway, and a man stands outside, holding onto his cane while he faces the home.

“Wow,” Emma says. “This is a lot of land.”

“Aye,” Killian agrees, leaning forward to see more. He pulls the truck into a makeshift spot beside Gold’s car and stops the engine. He turns back to look at them. “You ready, love?”

Emma smiles softly and sticks the rest of her food in the bag. She helps Henry out of his carseat and allows him to keep eating while she carries him outside.

It’s even prettier than she’d thought staring at it from up close. The color of the house is a very soft yellow, with white trim, and the windows are all tall and wide, allowing sunlight to pour inside.

She can imagine a little garden along the side. Maybe a bed of flowers in the front to welcome visitors.

“Mr. Gold, thank you for meeting us,” Killian says in greeting.

The man turns to them with a smile. “Mr. Jones. Ms. Nolan. I worried you would forget.”

“No, no,” Killian assures him. “We’re in dire need of a place to live. Can we get a look inside? It’s gorgeous out here.”

“Of course.” Gold says, nodding his head. He steps away from his vehicle and walks up the steps of the porch. Killian and Emma follow suit. “The house was built in the eighties, but it’s been kept up to date. You’ll notice newer appliances and the like. I’ll let you take a peek without me hovering around you. If you’ve got questions, let me know.”

“Thanks so much.” Killian smiles back at the man.

Emma flashes him a soft grin before following her fiancé into the home.

It’s every bit as beautiful as she imagined it would be.

The entryway is big enough for space for a little cubby storage system for them to keep their shoes and coats. She can practically feel them living here already and they’ve barely set foot in the place.

It gives way to a staircase at the end and rooms to either side as they step inward. There’s an open air kitchen and dining area off of the living room, while on the opposite side of the house, a den is enclosed by white french doors.

“This could be my home office,” Killian suggests offhandedly. “Or yours.”

“We could share.” Emma teases.

They both laugh and keep their spirits high as they climb up the stairs.

Everywhere she looks, she can see a possibility for them living here. They could hang pictures on the walls and she could mark Henry’s heights as he grows older on one of the bathroom doorways.

All of the bedrooms are upstairs- all four of them.

“What would we do with four bedrooms?” Emma asks. “Two for guests?”

Killian lifts a playful eyebrow. “Well, with our own bedroom and married life upon us, I think there’s a distinct possibility for children, don’t you?”

She feels a blush in her cheeks, silly as it is, thinking that they’ll get to experience having children together and letting them grow here.

Maybe the best part is their master bedroom, because it’s at least twice the size of the room they’re sleeping in at her parents house, and there’s plenty of light because there is a skylight in addition to the tall windows that look out on the property.

“Oh, look, we could put the bed here and maybe we could see our stars.” Emma says, pointing up for a moment before grabbing back onto Henry’s leg where it rests on her hip.

Killian, who had been peeking into the bathroom, steps out and looks up. “Now that would be something.”

He moves to stand beside her and after having another look around the room, she stares at him, waiting for him to say something else.

When he meets her gaze, he sighs. “Do you love this just as much as me or am I completely misreading your appraisal?”

Emma laughs. “I do love it. It’s pretty perfect.”

“Aye,” he nods. He looks at Henry briefly. “I could see us living here. Raising our family.”

An excited feeling bubbles up inside of her as if she were five years old and about to attend a carnival. She can’t help herself from smiling nervously.

“Are we going to buy the first house we’ve looked at?”

Killian lifts a shoulder. “We’ll have to see what Gold says about the price, but… yes, pretty much.”

She shakes her head. “Let’s do it.”

“Yeah?” he asks, just as breathless as she is.

“Yeah. I’m ready. Are you?”

“More than.”

///

THREE MONTHS LATER

There is no tangible way to describe how happy she is. Standing beneath the stars, with the glow of the lantern lights, the bass throbbing in her chest as she smiles up at her husband and dances without rhyme or rhythm.

He’s holding her son, who wears a little suit, minus the coat and bow tie because he’d gotten a little hot during the ceremony, and he giggles happily while they seem to dance in complete slow motion.

Emma tries to memorize the happy creases by the sides of Killian’s eyes, and the way his laughter sounds when she takes Henry’s hands and swings them back and forth to the rhythm of the music.

All around her, friends and family have joined them in celebration of their special day.

Perfect doesn’t quite cover how wonderful everything was.

After turning her gaze to the sky, she finds the familiar constellation, a Cygnus, and lowers her attention to her husband again.

Emma settles her hand against Killian’s cheek and presses up onto her bare toes in the soft grass to kiss him soundly, her heart about to burst from her chest with joy.

When she pulls back, she grabs at his bared arm, his sleeves rolled up past his elbows so that he now rocks the white dress shirt with brown suspenders look, something she adores.

Their attention goes to Henry, just to kiss his cheeks and squeeze his fingers. They’re a family, all three of them. Somehow, they found each other. It’s a miracle she’s been silently thankful for this whole day.

They find their seats when Henry tells them he wants to eat, and she helps with his grilled cheese. Glancing past her son, she finds Charlie sitting beside Liam and Brennan, laughing while they talk about something.

It makes her heart swell.

Hannah, her mother, and Nana, all gather together at another table. Hannah’s one of Emma’s bridesmaids, with Elsa being her Maid of Honor, something she’d taken so seriously.

Currently, Elsa sits beside Henry, smiling at Emma when she meets her eyes.

“Elsa, everything is so perfect,” Emma says. “Are you having a good night?”

Elsa nods. “Yes. The most perfect.”

She feels Killian beside her, his arm falling away from the small of her back. He leans in close and kisses her cheek.

Before she knows it, he’s standing, tapping on his glass.

“If I could have everyone’s attention, I’d appreciate it.”

Everyone quiets down, turning their attention to her husband. Emma looks up at him, eyes slightly narrowed.

He smiles, looking down at her after a moment. “I wanted to just thank everyone for being here today. It means a lot to us.”

Emma nods in agreement.

“Ah… I also wanted to talk a little bit about the nature of soulmates. I know, it’s a touchy subject, but… coming from a skeptic, I think I might have an interesting perspective on it.”

Killian stares at her and Henry, his gaze softening. “When I was a teenager, I met someone who was my match. It was perfect in almost every way, up until the day she passed away six months after the fact.”

A hush falls over the crowd, sadness having tinted his tone.

“I didn’t believe I could fall in love after that. Not deeply. Not truly.” Killian shakes his head. “The idea of soulmates became as silly as a fairytale. I hated the idea of having a soulmate after what had happened. I thought she was it for me. Nothing could replace her in my heart.”

Killian’s jaw clenches and he pauses. “Nine months ago, I came to Storybrooke trying to stop Liam from proposing to and ultimately marrying his soulmate, Elsa.”

Some scattered laughter bounces up into the atmosphere.

“Aye. Silly, isn’t it? Married within a few days of arriving to town.” Killian shakes his head. “I practically didn’t try at all.”

Emma laughs this time, smiling up at him. He clears his throat.

“But what I didn’t know, coming here, was that I’d end up having to stay on this very farm, with the Nolan’s during Christmas. All of us, jammed into this tiny farmhouse in the middle of winter.”

He tosses a hand up at the house behind them and smiles. “They showed me something I’d never really had before: a family. They took me in as one of their own and never asked questions. Even gave me gifts on Christmas day.”

He looks over at her parents, now standing together, arms around each other.

“One of the first conversations I’d had with Emma was about the validity of soulmates. How neither of us believed in them. We both had our reasons. And I know we weren’t looking for love, not desperately, but… every time I looked at her, I had a feeling. It pulled at me until I’d speak to her, and even then it was never enough. I felt like I was home. Finally, after years of searching I didn’t have to keep looking because I’d found what everything in life had led me towards.

“I’m finally home thanks to you, Emma.” Killian says softly. “You’re where I belong. Maybe that’s what a soulmate is; the place where your heart stops searching and just knows.”

She feels tears in her eyes at the words and manages to smile up at him while she takes his free hand and squeezes his fingers.

“So I’d like to invite us to raise a glass,” he says to everyone. “To soulmates.”

///

Emma holds onto Killian tight and rests her cheek against his shoulder while he does the same, his breath in her ear and his arm around her waist.

They’re slow dancing below the glow of the moon and the stars, with the grass in between her toes and her head spinning.

Emma leans away from him a little and admires him, her fingers going from where they’d rested on his shoulder to move a strand of hair away from his forehead.

“Did you know before you saw my mark?” she asks in a whisper.

Her husband doesn’t skip a beat, his affectionate stare kind. “Aye. I knew when you were showing me how to clean cow manure.”

She can’t help herself from laughing, something that makes him chuckle warmly. She takes a breath and releases it heavily.

“Really?”

“I can’t go back now and change it and I wouldn’t.”

Emma hums. Suddenly all she sees is their future, so bright and full of love, and she can’t wait to share it with him. Her best friend, her true love, her soulmate.

“I love you. More than all the stars in the sky.” Emma says just loud enough for him to hear.

His smile matches hers. “I love you more than all the stars in the sky.”

#cs ff #cs au #my writing #mtats #i may or may not have 2 insta edits sitting in my drafts #*shrugs*

74 notes · View notes

justherefortaylorswift · 6 years

Text

there’s glitter on the floor after the party...

Taylor,

*About 9 days ago, on May 22nd, 2018, I had just arrived home from your Seattle show at CenturyLink Field. It was 4am and I couldn’t sleep. I had so much on my mind and was still on a high from your show. So, in the early hours of the morning, after my friends had long gone to bed, I began to write. I’ve revised my original note quite a bit since then. I’ve also had the opportunity to do some additional reflecting since tour, and I have some thoughts. So, I guess this is the end-result of a mash-up of 4AM overly-emotional rambling, combined with well thought-out, fully coherent, mature writing. I feel like I really over-explained this. I could have been a lot less-awkward in setting this up. Let's just get into it:

[SO. I just got home from your Seattle show. It's 4 am and I can't sleep. This was my 6th tour, and I made what seems like an infinite amount of unforgettable memories with a group of incredible people I call my ‘Swiftie Fam” (the name needs work...). There's Cecil (my long-time, Canadian Swiftie friend, you’ll see him in earlier posts), Wanda (Cecil’s wife), Kaeden (7. Cecil & Wanda’s son. Major Swiftie. His first concert!), and finally the beautiful Maile (a recent addition to the fam, and now a life-long friend!). It’s hard to explain in words, but we all have developed a connection that’s special and unique because of what we experienced together. I couldn’t have asked for a better group of people to stand by my side tonight. We danced, laughed, and cried together… I don’t think I’ve ever felt more understood. These people ‘get’ me.

Not surprisingly, I screamed every single lyric at the top of my lungs and subsequently lost my voice almost IMMEDATIELY. With that in mind, I suppose a more accurate description would be: I wasn’t so much singing, as I was gasping for the remainder of the show. I literally danced with until I was out of breath. I cried (ok, SOBBED) all of my make-up off (a Long Live/NYD mash-up… are you kidding me?! I FEEL ATTACKED).

By the end of the night, I resembled a pathetic, overly-emotional, glittery, drowned rat.

and I was living my absolute best life.

Also, I was REALLY proud of our outfits this time around! I think we did a decent job of recreating your Direct TV commercial, with my rainbow two-piece, and Cecil’s interpretation of Olivia Benson dressed as a Caticorn (I can’t say I ever thought I’d use that in a sentence). It consisted of around 8-10 hours total of gluing, painting, and hand-sewing, leading up to the show. Everything turned out awesome, way better than expected. Totally worth the man hours! Wanda hand-made matching these adorable matching t-shirts for her and little Kaden (Big Rep & Little Rep), and Maile constructed a beautiful MASTERPIECE from the mountain LYWMMD outfit- it was freakin’ incredible and HOT!

There was something a bit different about this tour for a couple of reasons:

[The production.] I don’t think I’ve experienced such sensory-overload in my LIFE. The whole time it was like a constant stream of frantic, internal dialogue with a lot of run-on sentences, like, “WHAT IS HAPPENING SHE’S GIVING US CHOREO OMG YAAASSS WERK HONEY IF A MAN TALKS SHIT WE DON'T OWE HIM A DAMN THING OH MY GOD ITS RAINING CONFETTI I MUST COLLECT IT I HOPE THESE MULTI-COLORED FLASHING LIGHTS DON’T GIVE ME AN EPILEPTIC ATTACK WHERE THE F-CK DID THESE GIGANTIC SNAKES COME FROM THERE ARE LITERALLY STAGES EVERYWHERE I’M OVERWHELMED OH SHIT SHES PULLING A SPEAK NOW BY WALKING THROUGH THE CROWD WHAT'S GOING ON OH GOD F-CKING FIREWORKS THESE VOCALS ARE LIT THO I'M SWEATING I’M DEFINITELY GONNA NEED THERAPY AFTER THIS NEW YEARS DAY/LONG LIVE MASH UP IS THAT A FOUNTAIN WHATS HAPPENING OH GOD IT’S REAL WATER AND SHE’S IN THE FOUNTAIN I’M HAVING A 2008 SHOULD’VE SAID NO ACM AWARDS FLASHBACK MOMENT HOLY SH-T MORE F-CKING FIREWORKS SO MUCH PYRO IS THIS EVEN LEGAL” I’ve gotta say, you have BEST band (Paul, Amos and Mike..OGS), vocalists (Eliott and Kamilah…the TALENT), and all the dancers. Every single person on that stage was on FIRE, and their talent, passion, and individual personalities made the night sparkle.

[The fans.] I freaking adore this fan culture. I’ve never met a Swiftie who wasn’t ridiculously friendly, welcoming, and super relatable. The vibe was so positive. I’ve never smiled, waved and taken pictures with so many random strangers in my life. It felt as if we were literally in a different world that day. It felt like home.

[YOU!.] We need to talk about this major GLO UP you’ve got going on, honey. You exude SO much confidence and you're just pure sunshine. When I think about the way you’ve carried yourself these past couple of years through all of the BS drama, I can’t help but feel damn proud. You’ve successfully converted pain into art, into music. Real music, that’s poignant, raw, and just BAD ASS. Your lyrics continue to foster a special connection you maintain with the audience...a connection that often times breathes life into brokenness.

I felt like the luckiest girl in the entire world tonight.

This may have been my best concert experience ever, which is actually pretty ironic because:

Unlike Red, I wasn’t in the Pit

I didn’t have VIP seating, like 1989

You weren’t close enough for any potential high fives, waves, or eye contact like I experienced at Speak Now at B-Stage

We were not chosen for Rep Room (or T-Party, Club Red, or Loft 89)

…But, it was OK. It was way more than OK. It was truly a dream.

Listen: Something I've always deeply admired about you is that you make it a priority to maintain a personal relationship with the fans. It’s clear you want to meet as many of us as possible, and you make a conscious effort to do so. You get to know us as individuals and you CARE, and that means everything us and makes such an impact. I mean, you invite us into your HOME for crying out loud, you walk through massive crowds and give high-fives, you lurk our Instagrams and Tumblrs and interact on social media, and you always make a notable effort to meet as many of us as possible at tour.

However, this can sometimes turn into a bit of a "Catch 22" situation for people. The downside, is that it’s honestly SUPER easy to fall into the “trap” of being consumed with the possibility of meeting you after your shows. Due to the fact that the “selection” process is both intentional, yet also random. To be transparent, it's quite difficult to not obsess with the idea of ‘trying’ to get chosen. I witness this behavior so often, in others and in myself just as much, if not more. Selfishly, I often feel not only jealous, but UPSET when I see photos/read experiences of other fans meeting you. I sometimes feel like the only one who hasn’t yet gotten the opportunity. It can quickly turn into a mind-game if you're not careful, which has the potential to become toxic if we allow the idea of meeting you to rule supreme over what it's actually about...which is the MUSIC. And, this amazing show you put on for us night after night. And somewhat understandably so, I've witnessed the obsession with being chosen to meet you become a main focus point for a lot of us (including myself a bit!). It's pretty stressful, and can easily dampen or cheapen the concert experience, if you're not careful. As dramatic as this probably sounds, Tumblr (and social media) can be brutal within this fandom, and dare I say ‘cut-throat’ at times. It's easy to get upset watching (what seems like) literally EVERYONE get that opportunity, except you.

That said, I had a wake-up call/mini-epiphany recently, which manifested while driving home from your show at Midnight on May 22nd with my friends, feeling so amazing and so grateful for what I just experienced…but also a little guilty because I feel like I’ve spent way too much time worrying about the possibility of meeting at you when you come to Seattle, how to get the attention of Taylor Nation, where to find Mama Swift, getting that guitar pick from Papa Swift, and this time was no different. Granted, my intentions are 100% pure and it’s only because you’ve meant so freakin much to me for so many years, and it's almost as if my life won’t be complete until I finally get to tell you in person. That said, there is certainty a valuable lesson to be learned here. I am confident that you and I will come face-to-face one day (hopefully with my Swifie fam!). The stars will align at the exactly the right time, and I will have my moment with you, and it will be SO worth the wait. You can't "force" stuff like this, you know? The privilege of meeting you is almost ‘sacred’ in a sense. At least in my opinion. Anyway, my point is: I refuse to a continue to attempt to “create fate” by attempting to "earn" my worthiness in fandom. It’s not productive, it's not healthy, and it’s not cute.

Alright, this is getting out of hand. I need to wrap this up. 🤣 I’m not sure whether or not you’ve seen any of my throwback photo-posts I posted the week leading up to the show. They definitely explain a lot more about me, and my history being a fan. Either way, I must reiterate how grateful I am to have you in my life, and that support you 100% and will always be here. The amount of hope, joy and comfort you've given me over the past 10+ years is insurmountable, and I'll never be able to repay you for that. And I mean that in the most sincere way. Not a lot of things make me as happy as you make me (especially lately). This experience was the ‘boost’ I needed, I think. And like I said, the relationship I have with my friends/Swiftie Fam is invaluable, and I look forward to making memories with them at your shows in the future. You’ve brought the most random group of people together and created a bond that’s unique, unconditional and unbreakable, and I think that’s so cool.

This was A LOT longer than I originally intended it to be. This escalated quickly. Haha. Thanks for listening. 💗

Don’t read the last page…]

Love you, T

Crystal

@taylorswift

@taylornation

@ceunit

@maileswiftie

[photos]: 1) The whole crew: Cecil, Wanda, Kaeden, Maile and myself at our seats. 2) Kaeden the night before the show. SO EXCITED!! 3) Testing out the Caticorn onesie w/ Cecil 4) Cecil and myself FULLY DECKED and ready to go. 5) Wanda and Kaeden: Big Rep & Lil’ Rep! 6) the girls! Maile, Wanda and Me pre-show 7) Us at the end of the show! And yes, that’s me in the middle..in disbelief, exhausted, sweaty, and a physical and emotional wreck (see also: ‘drowned rat’ description above). 8) All of us after the show literally in a hotel lobby (and glitter on the floor after the party!), waiting for traffic to die down before we headed home.

4 notes · View notes

evocatrice · 6 years

Text

Survey

1. What made you pick up the last book you started reading? I’m reading two books right now! The first one, Empire of Storms, I picked up because it’s the next book in the series I’m loving and I was already halfway done, but then I moved and had to return it. The second book, Blood of Olympus, I picked back up because I realized I never finished the series once college started.

2. Have you received any bad or troubling news lately? I’ve had to go to the BMV three times without being able to get my car titled, so that’s been fun.

3. When was the last time you were relieved about something? Yesterday when we made it to the fireworks show on time! 2017 was not as organized.

4. What about your life concerns you the most? Um... I guess where I’ll be living in October.

5. Is there a common thing most people seem to do without trouble, but it scares you (talking on the phone, driving, interviews, etc)? When was the last time you had to do one of these kinds of things? Driving. Especially on the interstate. I’m terrified of it. I’ve never been pulled over, never gotten myself in an accident, never gotten a ticket, I even use my turn signal in parking lots haha. Still, after the accident I was in in high school, it’s terrifying to think that no matter how skilled of a driver I am, I can still die in an instant because of someone else’s mistake.

6. Is a pen pal something you would enjoy? If so, what kinds of little things would you send your pen friends? I always wanted one growing up, but then my old friends would write me letters and I am the actual worst at responding to people. I don’t think it would last very long.

7. Describe a time when you were there for a friend? I usually like to take the distraction approach. I’ll get them to talk about what’s bothering them, help them come up with a plan if it’s something solvable, and then do something fun to cheer them up or keep their minds off of it, like taking them out for lunch or ice cream or disc golfing.

8. When was the last time you went somewhere for the first time? Yesterday, I went to a fireworks display at a Fort I’d never been to.

9. What is a situation that makes you feel especially confident? Whenever I’m doing something secretarial, aka editing someone’s paper, showing off my typing speed, writing a marketing blurb, updating someone’s resume, or being anywhere relating to books.

10. What was the subject of your most recent conversation? Michael and Noah telling me the hot dogs were done grilling and telling me to come watch a movie with them.

11. Hypothetically and generally speaking, how would you go about breaking up with someone? Is there anything you would make sure to say, or perhaps not say? W o w. I hate hurting people’s feelings, so I’m incredibly bad at it. I try never to place blame on the other person and just speak of things in a broad and futuristic manner like “ It’s just not feasible when I’m leaving for school” “We’re just not in the same place in our lives” “ I just feel like we’re going down different paths”. I always like to try to add something about how I wish them happiness and point out some of their good relationship traits or say how I enjoyed my time with them. I honestly probably sound like a talk show host. I also almost always add the “I hope we can still be friends” line (except once) but I surprisingly am only friends with the only ex who ever broke up with me.

12. Are you more of a night person or a day person? What is it about the night/day that you favor? I like the night because I am more creative and fireflies, but I also like the day because I love soaking up the sun and swimming.

13. What do you find particularly offensive? Would you say you’re easy or difficult to offend? People making any sort of comment that is degrading of my intelligence or purposefully hurtful toward another person. Thankfully, it hasn’t happened in a long time. I would say I’m on the sensitive end of being offended when it comes to rude remarks.

14. Is there a belief you have that most others around you don’t have? Do you share this belief with others, or do you tend to keep it to yourself? Have you ever offended anyone with this belief? Yeah. I’m a Christian and have been involved in various Republican and pro-life campaigns and events over the years, which seems an uncommon alignment to have on Tumblr. I'm rather opinionated about politics since it’s related to my career goals, but I don’t usually bring it up outside of those events unless asked. If people are offended by my blog, they don’t have to follow. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

15. Do you consider internet friendships as important as offline friendships, or do you view them differently?

I think offline friendships take priority when I schedule my week, but that both are extremely important. Moving so much has me communicating with most of my friends via the Internet anyway.

16. When was the last time you visited relatives or friends of the family? Is visiting family something you enjoy? I visited with plenty of them at my wedding, and will be going to visit with them next weekend for the annual hog roast. I really enjoy it, but it always makes me so tired.

17. What did you do for the last holiday or event you celebrated? Fourth of July! We went to a fireworks display last night, are watching classic “Fourth of July” movies, grilling out and baking, and hopefully launching off some of our own fireworks with our sparklers.

18. If you’ve moved out from home, what was the scariest thing about it? What was/is your favorite thing about it? The scariest thing about moving out originally was really just moving somewhere where I didn’t know anyone. My favorite thing was having freedom to become my own person.

19. Are there any fictional characters you like even though they’re “bad” or “evil?” What qualities draw you to a character? Bellamy Blake s1. Lorcan from TOG. The antagonist in my own story. Eugene Fitzherbert. I’m a sucker for the reluctant hero trope.

20. What are your thoughts on “forgiving” murderers, rapists, attackers, etc? Do you think it’s even possible to forgive these people? If they are truly sorry and actively trying to spend the rest of their life showing they have changed, then yes. However, forgiveness absolutely does not mean they should not be brought to justice and pay for their actions.

21. What was the last series you finished watching? Do you have any plans to begin another? Everwood. I just started watching Freaks and Geeks, Harlots, and Handmaid’s Tale, but I’m only liking Freaks and Geeks so far.

22. What is one way in which you are different from a year ago? What is one way in which you are still the same? I feel like I’ve learned to be more comfortable in my own skin, and the importance of fitness and eating right and being organized and showing initiative. I’m still the same in that I still get just as excited about fireflies and I still fall a little bit in love with everyone I meet.

23. When was the last time you had to walk somewhere in the rain? How about the snow? Last week at a Pokemon Go event in the rain and.... wow, maybe to my car on my way to work in the snow back in February?

24. Are there any types of survey questions you dread or don’t like answering for whatever reason? What kinds of questions do you like best? I don’t like the same questions over and over, usually like “ Who was the last person you kissed? Do you miss them? Do you wish you could be with them?”. I love the ones that are unique and make you stop and think.

25. If you could learn about anything without the stress of grades or cost, what kind of classes would you take? Italian in a classroom setting would be great. Also painting.

26. What was the last item of clothing you purchased? Do you wear it often? A blue lingerie set. I wore it once and it feels like wearing a cloud.

27. Has anything made you feel nostalgic lately? Reading the posts I made on Tumblr today all the way back to 2014.

28. What was the last chore you completed? Putting the dishes away.

29. Name a song you’ve listened to today? The Rocky theme song.

30. Is there anything you’ve promised yourself you’ll never do again? Drinking alcohol or eating processed meat on a regular basis.

#;; survey

1 note · View note

113-things-to-see · 4 years

Text

2019

... aka the one where my blog is still broken. Don’t fret, not all is lost, but due to technical difficulties I had to re-import my blog content and 70 posts just fail to show any photos. I will eventually fix all of them but have decided to completely revamp my blog at another point, especially since I will be busy writing my Master’s thesis during the coming semester. So until then, we still have Tumblr. Anyway, I decided to continue the yearly tradition of reflecting on the past 12 months and setting new resolutions (how original!).

In my New Year’s post of 2018 I described a challenging year and was firmly set on improving my self-care in 2019, fully committing to mental health recovery. 2019 was the year where I would start DBT, hopefully the turning point in my mental health journey after feeling stuck in a continuous downwards spiral. I went into 2019 feeling hopeful and expecting change. Spoiler alert: I am in a much better place now. However, getting there has been the most difficult challenge I have ever encountered.

When I set off into the New Year feeling positive and hopeful, I did not foresee that a) this would last for about a week and b) that the turning point I needed lay elsewhere. The packed days leading up to Christmas behind me, the events from the last year started to catch up with me. Re-traumatised by experiences in the mental health system I felt more misunderstood and lonely than I had in a long time and it felt like like the carefully assembled house of cards was finally collapsing, destroying whatever it could in its wake. Although DBT was giving me skills I desperately needed, I found myself at a point where I was unable to listen, so caught up in the over-powering emotional intensity that comes with BPD, so caught up in the downward spiral, so caught up in feeling undeserving of help. The nexts months were chaos. Somewhere amidst the storm, I managed to celebrate my friend’s birthday and then my own 23rd, which was the biggest emotional roller-coaster of all. My mum and me went to Sketch and saw Les Mis, the latter meaning a dream coming true. But blowing out my candles at midnight, all I could think of was how on earth I would make it to 24.

It wasn’t DBT that presented the turning point in my life. Neither was reaching rock bottom or my turbulent birthday or seeing crisis services. No, the turning point happened only when I decided on it. The truth is that BPD (and probably most mental illnesses) will always convince you that you aren’t sick enough. That others have it worse. That xy needs to happen before things change. That you haven’t quite reached rock bottom yet. All in all, I was waiting for a turning point that would never come. That could only created by myself, by deciding that enough was enough. By deciding that I deserved better. By committing to recovery despite my emotional/impulsive side definitely not wanting recovery but quite the opposite. And this was when things finally started to shift. No, it hasn’t been easy and I can’t say that there haven’t been any setbacks. But that’s okay because recovery is 5 steps forwards and 3 steps back. I have now been doing DBT for almost a year and the sessions and skills I have learned have been life-changing (along with medication). Although BPD is still my daily companion, we can co-exist now. I am no longer thrown around between my emotions, no longer in so much distress that pain is the only way I know to cope, no longer feeling unworthy in a group of people. BPD is not me, I am so much more. To spread awareness, I continued to be vocal about my struggles on social media and shared my experiences in blog posts that many others related to. And it was the realisation how commonly people with BPD suffered in the MH system, ranging from re-traumatisation to being left acutely unwell with no support, that made me start my own petition - Lives on the (Border)line. (Eternally grateful if you signed it!).

In non-mental health related news, 2019 was the year I graduated with a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology. Although my graduation day was one of the hottest of the year, I got to celebrate if with my family and best friend, drinking cocktails above the roofs of London - it was wonderful and almost let me forget the stressful months of revision leading up to this moment. But despite the stress, studying Psychology has been of the best decisions of my life, allowing me to grow so much academically and personally. Plus I will miss my class a lot, they taught me what kindness and looking out for each other mean. I have now started my Master’s in Clinical Forensic Psychology which includes a placement in a medium secure unit and so far, I have been enjoying it and can see myself working in that field – or another field of clinical psychology – in the future. I can’t believe that I am about to begin my last semester and that by the end of 2020, I will be looking for my first graduate job. I am proud of myself for coming this far and I am so grateful for the opportunity to help others recover.

2019 came with so much more than mental health recovery and a degree. As so often, it is the small things that made the biggest difference. Study sessions that ended in Thai food and wine on the balcony, picnics in Hyde Park, movies, musicals, birthday celebrations, Christmas carols at the Royal Albert Hall, falafel wraps (if you know you know), amazing books and adopting new plants (that are still somewhat alive). I read more classics than ever, partly due to the fact that I struggled with physical illness this year. Following sinus surgery a couple of weeks ago (this one had been coming for years really), I am no longer feeling ill every day and I am excited to be able to well, breathe. Despite illness, I had an incredible summer during which some of my closest friends and my sister came to stay – think mostly really good vegan food with the occasional play at the Globe Theatre (that makes me sound a lot more fancy than I am) and walks along the river. Last but definitely not least, my brother and me spent a week in Crete – think more excellent vegan food, paired with blue lagoons, beaches and cats. Generally, 2019 was a year of friendship for me, both online and offline and then there are those friendships that start online but turn out to be one of the best offline as well and feel like you have known each other for 8 years rather than 8 months. The kind of friendships that become your rock during difficult times (and make you get doughnut deliveries).

Again, I didn’t do too badly on my new year’s resolutions from 2018. I have said that 2019 would be the year of healing and talking openly about mental health and it has been, although I still have a long way to go. My second resolution last year had been to take care of my body and I have, even though being ill forced me to go at a different pace than thought. Lastly, I have managed to meditate more and at least I got further than ‘Necessito un sombrero’ on Duolingo this year. So far so good. So what about 2020? The new decade? (sorry I had to). This year, I not only want to focus on recovery but also on self-acceptance and improving potentially the most important relationship in my life, the one with myself. I want to slow down, take things ad they come and practice gratitude. At the same time, I will continue to raise awareness for mental illness – and mostly BPD – online and share my petition to hopefully get our voices heard. I do believe that together we can make a difference – even if the process is slow, each step will get us there and break the stigma. As said last year, I want to nourish my body and take care of it and I can’t wait to pick up swimming again (and please make me cook something different than pasta every single day, I need ideas (although pasta is pretty darn amazing)). I am also planning to continue my zero-waste journey and start buying my clothes second-hand, something I have wanted to do for a very long time. Last but not least,I want to improve my Spanish, especially since I am planning to visit one of my closest friends in South America this year and talking about hats won’t really sustain a conversation with her family. But until then: hasta la vista.

#borderline personality disorder #bpd #bpd life #mental health #dbt #new year resolution #2019 #recovery

0 notes

animesavior · 7 years

Photo

"Eren, stop, that isn't true [that you're a worthless little kid]. Hey, thank you. I've been meaning to tell you that. For fighting, for always standing by me. Thank you. For pushing through, for showing me how to live with purpose. I'm greatful. My scarf, for always wrapping it around me. Thank you."

- Mikasa Ackerman, Attack on Titan (Ep. 37)

"Mikasa, I will always wrap your scarf, always and forever. That's a promise."

- Eren Jaeger

The Toonami Trending Rundown for July 22-23, 2017. A milestone night for the better cartoon show as the nerd world celebrates San Diego Comic-Con week, with Attack on Titan completing season 2 as Eren looks for revenge on the Titan that killed his mother, while Hunter x Hunter begins the Greed Island story arc as Gon returns to his quest of getting in the game, and Hinata defends Naruto while he is down in his battle against Pain, among other great moments.

On Twitter, both Dragon Ball shows, Attack on Titan, Lupin the 3rd, and Naruto Shippuden would trend during their respective East Coast airings, as well as Attack On Titan and Lupin the 3rd during or after their respective West Coast airings. Dragon Ball Super would also trend on tumblr. Unfortunately, Hunter x Hunter coming up short in making the trends ends its 60 week trending streak that has gone since week 1 (excluding holidays when the show wasn’t the marathon). It was fun while it lasted. On the other hand, this isn’t bad, considering that we’ve also heard reports from viewers that there were several glitches that hindered DirectTV users from viewing that night’s Toonami broadcast.

Finally, Dragon Ball Super’s buzz would help get the show on Nielsen Social’s top 5 most talked about shows on Twitter and Facebook on the day for the 14th time in the show’s present run, making it to the #2 spot. This is the 27th time a Toonami show has reached this list since we started recording this feat.

There’s not much to say to what hasn’t been said about Attack on Titan by now. One of the smash hit anime franchises to be released this decade upon the anime’s original release in Japan in 2013 (and later its original Toonami run the following year), the AOT franchise has become one of biggest of the many symbols of anime’s resurgence during this decade. Although there was no doubt a sequel would be made following season 1’s successful run, much like any popular anime based off a long running manga, creators have to worry about catching up to where the manga is currently (most manga artists usually release a new chapter once a month, and an episode of a regular anime can easily cover several chapters) that the anime runs out of material.

Unlike most Shonen Jump shows and much like One Punch Man and Sword Art Online, Titan’s producers opted to have a hiatus between seasons to prevent having to do any filler arcs and with fans clamoring for more, a Gecko Ending (a la Akame, Soul Eater, and the original FMA) was out of the question. Unfortunately the wait would take 4 years (3 for those who jumped on during Toonami’s airing) for a season 2 to materialize. But good things come to those who wait, and season 2 would make its debut on April 1st in Japan. Toonami viewers didn’t have to wait this time around for the dub, as during that same day, it was announced that AOT season 2 would indeed be getting a broadcast dub from Funimation, which made its debut on April 22.

While the season has received much acclaim from fans as Eren and the scouts come one step closer to finding the truth of the Titans, it hasn’t been all rainbows and butterflies…then again, it never is for the scout regiment. Some Attack on Titan fans had concerns over the 12 episode count in season 2. There hasn’t been an official reason behind this, but according to animator and insider Thomas Romain, shortages of animator talent combined with high demand for newer shows and scheduling issues has made it very difficult if not impossible for many studios to greenlight high quality anime seasons/series that’s longer than 12 episodes in recent years. Indeed, many successful non-Shonen Jump shows nowadays have been presented in seasons or cours of 12 or so episodes at a time, with an off-season in between. Durarara x2 and My Hero Academia are such notable examples of this, and the new FLCL coming next year will also be doing something similar with its new seasons. No doubt, this is something the industry will have to correct if it wishes to continue growing, but as fans, there’s not much we can do other than help out the industry and support it through legal matters (Buying DVDs and official merchandise, watching on Toonami and other legal sources, and the like).

And of course there’s the big elephant in the room. While ratings, DVD/Blu-Ray sales in Japan, and general interest both inside and outside Toonami’s scope are pretty satisfactory to good, they are much to be desired compared to the juggernaut ratings and buzz seen worldwide in season 1. Some of this can be explained with ratings erosion happening across all of television as viewing sources and viewing habits diversify, but many have pointed out that trying to keep interest for a show in this so-called “instant gratification” era, with hundreds of new franchises being released and continued every year, it can be very difficult for a show to keep its momentum going with a long hiatus. And with a 4 year wait since the last season, its no surprise that many have been slow to catch back on.

We’ve seen a bit of a correlation in that regard to our trending records. During the show’s run of season 2, the hashtag #AttackOnTitan trended in the US on Twitter on every week with the exception of week 8 and week 10 but did trend as well during the 4th of July weekend marathon. In addition, #AttackOnTitanSeason2 trended during week 1 as well as during two occasions during the run-up to the premiere, and we also received a character trend in Eren during week 9. Attack on Titan would also trend on tumblr during 9 of the shows 12 weeks as well as during the April Fools announcement and during the 4th of July weekend marathon.

Regardless of these issues, the Attack on Titan franchise overall continues to go strong, and Wit Studios is presently hard at work producing Season 3, set for release in Spring 2018. And with series creator Hajime Isayama set to wrap up the manga pretty soon, we could very well see the show’s end within the next few years, depending on how things go.

Whether Toonami will be bringing back Titan for Season 3 onwards is something to be determined as the time comes, but with the ratings and overall interest by viewers and the investment in the show from Toonami themselves, I think it would be a real stunner if Toonami doesn’t run Attack on Titan to its end. Of course, if you do wish to help the cause in seeing season 3 and perhaps beyond, continue to give you support to the show and the anime industry overall, and of course, let Toonami and Funimation know you want to see more Attack on Titan on the better cartoon show. And as the wait for season 3 begins, season 2 will have an encore run at 3am for those late to the party or want to re-watch in anticipation. If you’re late to the party, use it wisely as not every Toonami show is given this opportunity to win over latecomers.

Whatever happens next in Eren’s quest to vanquish the Titans, I’m pretty sure it should be a good one.

I was in Comic-Con myself this past week to help get you guys the latest Toonami news from San Diego, and unfortunately because of that among other personal reasons, this trending rundown was released later than usual. Our apologies for the inconvenience. There was some notable news that directly involved the better cartoon show from San Diego. Announced during the Toonami Pre-Flight taping at Comic Con, Toonami revealed the next Total Immersion Event, Countdown, set to air sometime in the fall.

It also should be noted that also during the panel, Jason DeMarco and Gill Austin mentioned that there was gonna be a special announcement for the block that was pulled back at the last second for as of yet unknown reasons. However, the following week’s Toonami, in addition to the return of JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure with the premiere of Stardust Crusaders, saw an expansion (which was announced just a day after Comic Con ended) with every present show moving up their respective timeslots by 30 minutes (Ex. Dragon Ball Super now airs at 11pm while GITS:SAC airs at 2:30am). Not long after that, Toonami announced the return of Outlaw Star beginning on August 19th. It’s unknown if that was the announcement all along or if more things are coming down the pipes, but nonetheless this fall will have plenty to look out for ahead.

We’ll have a full report on the events from SDCC ahead as well as the following week’s trending rundown hopefully sometime later today, but for now, we’ll see you again next time for another round of the better cartoon show.

Legend: The shows listed are ordered based on their appearance on the schedule. Show trends are listed in bold. The number next to the listed trend represents the highest it trended on the list (not counting the promoted trend), judging only by the images placed in the rundown. For the Twitter tweet counts, the listed number of tweets are also sorely based on the highest number shown based on the images on the rundown.

United States Trends:

#Toonami [#5]

#DragonBallSuper [#25]

#DBZKai [#24]

#AttackOnTitan [#6]

#LupinThe3rd [#6]

#Shippuden [#10]

Tweet Counts:

#Toonami [3,609 tweets]

#AttackOnTitan [4,422 tweets]

Tumblr Trends:

#dragon ball super

Notes and Other Statistics:

#DBZKai: @WhoTrendedIT reported that @Kirbopher started the trend in the US.

#AttackOnTitan: @WhoTrendedIT reported that @JessicaCalvello and @CliffordChapin started the trend in the US.

#LupinThe3rd @WhoTrendedIT reported that @AlphaOmegaSin started the trend in the US.

Special thanks to @mmorse1017 and others I forgot to mention for spotting some of the trends on this list.

Only Toonami on [adult swim] on Cartoon Network.

#Toonami #Adult Swim #Cartoon Network #Toonami Trending Rundown #Attack on Titan #Shingeki no Kyojin #Dragon Ball Z #Dragon Ball Super #DBZ #DBZ Kai #Lupin the Third #Lupin the 3rd #Naruto #Naruto Shippuden

40 notes · View notes

5hfanfiction · 7 years

Text

Dope (Lauren/You) — Chapter 4: Inevitable

A/N: Very minor thing, but just remember Y/F/A means your favourite animal. Also if you’re reading this on tumblr a certain part may not make as much sense if the image doesn’t upload.

(Your POV)

My thoughts were screaming one thing solely: I needed to leave.

And that’s exactly what I did, I got in my car and kept driving. Not a single moment was spent hesitating or looking back. When I arrived home, my parents heard the door shut and a plain “I’m back” sufficed. I didn’t want them seeing me in this state, it would only make me cry ten times harder. Damp clothing and puffy eyes would be difficult to explain.

I didn’t have the energy to discuss tonight’s events.

I went through what seemed like a routine, one that would hopefully bring some sort of comfort. My brain ordered me around in steps. Go upstairs. Grab some dry clothing. Take a shower. Dry my hair. And last but not least, fall asleep.

I had the whole weekend to let my emotions boil back down, and to block out this embarrassing night. Compared to what’s happened to me before, this was nothing; in fact, it was trivial. But don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean I won’t hold a grudge.

It wouldn’t make much of a difference avoiding Lauren, it’s not like we talk on a regular basis. And strangely, I was grateful for that fact. I used to find myself wanting to start up a chat with her, yet now, I’d rather pretend we never talked.

Why did my school experience seem like a set of strategy plans? It was supposed to be a new beginning here. I was stupid for thinking like that. Not every person is genuine, and not everything is trouble free. I had learnt that quite a while back, but sometimes it slips my mind.

My bed was warmer than usual tonight, and it became the only good constant I had. My back moulded into the mattress while I snuggled my toy Y/F/A tightly. Quickly, my eyelids became heavy and began to flutter more frequently. Tiredness tugged at my body as it lulled me into a steady breathing pattern. The comforting feeling of sleep had took over… I was exhausted.

* * *

*3 days later*

It was Monday, and I really felt like the weekend helped me feel better. I just needed a little while to get over it, that’s all. What worried me now was avoiding Lauren and praying she wouldn’t bring it up again. If I really have to, I won’t say a word to her. That would save the awkwardness for both of us.

I only had math class once today, which shouldn’t be too hard to endure. I slumped down in my seat near the back, flopping further into it like I usually do. Lauren wasn’t here yet, I realised. It wasn’t unusual though, she rarely arrived on time.

Five minutes later, she strolled through the doors as casually as ever. Today Lauren was sporting a light, rose pink hoodie, black ripped jeans, and dark combat boots to match. The hoodie was oversized, yet she still looked adorable in it.

Her eyes momentarily connected with my Y/E/C orbs when she made her way over to her seat. I looked away immediately, although I could have sworn I saw her smile at me in the corner of my eye. Regardless, it wasn’t returned.

My earphones were plugged in a few moments later, and the sound levels were put higher than my normal preference. It made me flinch a little, but I decided to keep them that way. I purposefully became accustomed to the high sounds; it served as a relaxation method as well as earplugs. Allowing the music occupy my thoughts, I started to disassociate from my environment.

For majority of the lesson I didn’t talk and only ever looked Lauren’s way a few times. Each time I glanced over she had an unreadable expression on her face, and her gaze was constantly locked on the desk. Maybe she had read my body language and realised I didn’t want to talk. Good. Something is finally going my way.

At last, the lesson was over and I could leave. With my bag in hand, I rose from my seat and advanced out the door. I could tell Lauren was close behind from her signature perfume, which smelled like gardenia, and I clenched my jaw. Why was I suddenly so nervous? I did nothing wrong. Her perfume became stronger, and I heard footsteps nearing me through the hallway.

“Y/N, can we talk?” she asked, trying to keep up with my pace.

I continued to look forward and sped up my tempo, not saying a word. If I walked any faster, it could be mistaken for jogging. She sighed audibly when I blatantly ignored her, and I made my way to lunch. After some time, Lauren gave up and slowed down, leaving her behind me.

I made my way to a lunch table that included three familiar faces. For two weeks I had been sitting at the same bench with a few people from English; they all seemed relatively nice and funny.

We weren’t best friends (after only a month, who would be?) but we all sat together in lesson. Since I joined this school at the start of the school year, it meant that the classes were all jumbled around. It was nice not feeling completely new.

Hallie, Evelyn and Lyla acknowledged me with various nods and smiles as I slid into a chair alongside the long haired brunette.

“Sup, loser,” Evelyn chimed, sticking her tongue out at me.

“Not much, weirdo,” I quipped back.

Lyla laughed along at our banter whilst she unscrewed her water bottle, and Hallie continued eating her food.

“How was that party on Friday?” the blonde questioned curiously.

“It was… eh.”

“Just eh? That bad, huh? Surely the cute guys would have made it more enjoyable,” the short haired girl said.

Yeah, there were cute guys, but I didn’t find myself wanting to spark a conversation with many of them. I only wanted to talk to Lauren at that party, she used to make me feel relaxed.

“I didn’t stay that long. It would have been better if you guys came, though,” I told them honestly.

“Well, we would have, trust me. But this one over here,” Lyla rolled her head slowly in Hallie’s direction, “wanted to have a horror movie marathon.”

Hallie looked up at her with a fry in her mouth and sent her a wide grin.

“Yeah, she basically forced us. But hey! You survived,” Evelyn joked. But in a way, she was right.

Hallie still hadn’t said a word which made her friend throw a scrunched up napkin her way, hitting her on the forehead.

“What was that for!” she exclaimed, throwing her hands up.

“Woah, she actually speaks,” Evelyn announced over dramatically, followed by a fake gasp from Lyla.

“Leave me alone,” Hallie pouted, “I forgot to eat breakfast, and these fries are more important than you hoes.”

“Oh my bad, I forgot she turns into a mime when she hasn’t eaten,” the blonde began. “Food does crazy stuff to her, it’s been the same since middle school.”

I chuckled loudly at their interactions, and spent the rest of lunch discussing the party and what they got up to — except for the parts I wanted to leave out. Of course, they teased me about Luke, but I didn’t take it to heart. It wasn’t him who I was interested in.

I had only known them for a month, yet these three girls felt like the closest things I had to friends here. Each week that passed seemed like a month I had known them; there was no doubt we had clicked instantly.

Usually Monday lessons are a drag, but having English last made it pleasant. After lunch had ended, we made our way to lesson and took our seats next to each other. Evelyn was at my right side with the two other girls further down, and the seat to my left was empty.

Mrs. Banks greeted the students and was about to register everyone, but then another teacher knocked at the door.

“Sorry to interrupt. Can you step outside for a second?” the other teacher queried.

“Of course. Everybody, please get out your books while I’m outside. I’ll be back soon,” our teacher announced, dismissing herself promptly.

Shortly after she left, I felt my phone vibrate and whipped it out. I opened the group-chat notification to see Hallie sending sneaky mugshots, ones she had captured recently of Lyla. We all glanced over at each other and laughed whilst the blonde attempted to shield her face from Hallie.

Mrs. Banks walked back in as I tried hiding my phone under my desk, but I was still looking at the group-chat messages. Without looking up, I giggled to myself lightly.

“Everyone, we have a student who has changed to this class. Please make Lauren feel welcomed,” our teacher spoke up, directing her to the seat to my left.

My smile dropped instantaneously when I gazed up. Her intense, verdant eyes were already locked with mine, and she subtlety winked at me with a smirk on her face. You’ve got to be kidding me.

A/N: Hi again, so I think I’m finally getting the grasp of writing the amount I want. My Wattpad

Also, I changed the cover slightly but tried keeping it similar. Hopefully you like it better, idk. And I may or may not have added the picture of Lyla, Hallie, and Evelyn because I was too lazy to describe them… You’ll never know. (It’s bc I’m hecka lazy lol)

Thanks for reading if you did, love you. If you didn’t like this chapter then I’ll try make the next one better.

‘Til next time, stay well lovelies ❤️

#UPDATE #series #AU #g!p #slash #/you #angst drama #romance fluff #submission #Dope

11 notes · View notes

theboywiththepinkfloralpurse · 7 years

Text

134 questions

1: Name - Joel 2: Age - 18 (19 in June) 3: 3 Fears - being alone, not making anything of myself, and bugs lol 4: 3 things I love - My Sweet and Wonderful Boyfriend, music and making music, chocolate 5: 4 turns on - the back of my neck, it's really sensitive… when the other person takes control… that's all you get for now ;) 6: 4 turns off - biting, roughness lol, uncomfortable positions, boobs (lol) 7: My best friend - Sterling 8: Sexual orientation - Gay (duh XD) 9: My best first date - pizza place with my current boyfriend 10: How tall am I - 5’6” 11: What do I miss - my boyfriend. And music camp tbh 12: What time was I born - not sure… the afternoon maybe? 13: Favorite color - Teal 14: Do I have a crush - very much so 15: Favorite quote - not my favorite but I love it cuz it's hilarious “...the people that put the chemicals in the water that turned the friggin frogs gay!” - Alex Jones 16: Favorite place - Sterling's house (and now anywhere with my boyfriend :) 17: Favorite food - Mac n’ cheese. Also chicken 18: Do I use sarcasm - nooooooo I neeeeever eeeeeeever use sarcasm (lol) 19: What am I listening to right now - my Mom has some cringey Christian radio station on... 20: First thing I notice in a new person - kindness 21: Shoe size - 10 (12 women's XD) 22: Eye color - blue 23: Hair color - dirty blonde 24: Favorite style of clothing - sweaters with or without buttons, clothes with buttons in general. Fall clothes 25: Ever done a prank call? - once… it was so cringey but he actually fell for it

27: Meaning behind my URL - theboywiththepinkfloralpurse was my first blog where I really needed someplace to make venting emotional posts and I'd just gotten a tacky pink purse with flowers lol. a-random-gay-bunny is pretty self explanatory lol 28: Favorite movie - ahhhhhh I'm so bad at picking favorites for most things…. I do really like V for Vendetta tho. Seen it many times, and the entire X-Men series. 29: Favorite song - too many to pick… 30: Favorite band - except this… I can say for sure it's Pentatonix. I've seen them in concert twice, I love them so much 31: How I feel right now - happy, but I wanna hold my boyfriend and kiss him 32: Someone I love - My boyfriend John 33: My current relationship status - very taken <3 34: My relationship with my parents - much better than a couple years ago, still a little rocky but pretty good 35: Favorite holiday - probably Christmas 36: Tattoos and piercing I have - none 37: Tattoos and piercing I want - I'm not sure, but I would like a tattoo or a few one day 38: The reason I joined Tumblr - to vent my feelings to the void lol 39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? - don't have one 40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? - everyday :) <3 41: Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? - this question is weird lol, but John's the last person I texted and the only person I've kissed :) 42: When did I last hold hands? - yesterday 43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - depends, I can get ready really quickly if need be though 44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? - nope. Last I shaved was a week ago I think 45: Where am I right now? - at home on my couch 46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? - either Sterling, John or both, but I don't plan on getting drunk ever. I guess it could happen but probably won't be drinking in the future 47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - both, usually slightly loud though 48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? - yeah… hopefully not for too much longer 49: Am I excited for anything? - seeing my boyfriend on Saturday, and going to camp in 52 days, and hopefully passing my driver's test in 107 days. 50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - sort of? I feel like I can tell Tabby everything 51: How often do I wear a fake smile? - not too often, only in situations where I feel uncomfortable but feel I need to smile. 52: When was the last time I hugged someone? - couple of hours ago 53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? - I'd be vereh sad and I'd want to know why. But he wouldn't do that :) 54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? - I'm a really trusting person so probably 55: What is something I disliked about today? - I couldn't see my boyfriend and kiss his cute face 56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? - uhhh… I dunno… maybe Tyler Oakley cuz I bet that would be really fun 57: What do I think about most? - heehee, my boyfriend. And also getting a job and figuring out plans for things, always running through plans in my head. 58: What’s my strangest talent? - I'm not sure, but the fact I can sing so low and so high is a pretty strange talent I guess 59: Do I have any strange phobias? - I'm very afraid of getting water in my eyes 60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - behind it 61: What was the last lie I told? - I told my Mom I understood when she told me that my having a boyfriend is very difficult and awkward for her. I really don't understand 62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - definitely on the phone, but before my boyfriend I would've said neither 63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? - I'd like to believe in aliens, but I dunno. As for ghosts I don't believe in them at all really. 64: Do I believe in magic? - kind of? I think people can and have been able to connect with demons and been controlled by them. I don't think it really happens today much anymore. I think it might tho? 65: Do I believe in luck? - not really, sort of in a cutesy way tho 66: What's the weather like right now? - slightly cloudy, but the sun has mostly set anyway 67: What was the last book I've read? - all the way through? Animal Farm. The last book I opened and read from was a book Sterling gave me. 68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? - Oh god no, do some people like that smell? 69: Do I have any nicknames? Dork, pianoman (from this strange sports camp where everyone had a nickname) 70: What was the worst injury I've ever had? - had a car hood slam on a couple fingers, they didn't break tho surprisingly. Never had a broken bone 71: Do I spend money or save it? - spend… I shouldn't, I need to make money so I can start saving 72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? - just barely the bottom of my nose 73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? - yes, my old pink purse and probably some other stuff 74: Favorite animal? - besides cats and bunnies, red pandas 75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? - talking to bae 76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? - I don't think he has one? Strange question lol 77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - you'll be in my heart by Phil Collins 78: How can you win my heart? - genuinely caring about me :) 79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? - Here lies the gayest gay to ever gay 80: What is my favorite word? - maybe bitch lol 81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr - a bunch of furry blogs lol 82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - …..hi?... anybody wanna give me free money and help me see my boyfriend more?.... 83: Do I have any relatives in jail? - no. Unless I have distant relatives in jail 84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? - teleportation 85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? - not many, but one is “have you cheated on school assignments” 86: What is my current desktop picture? - my cat Loki 87: Had sex? - nope 88: Bought condoms? - nope 89: Gotten pregnant? - NOPE XD 90: Failed a class? - no 91: Kissed a boy? - yee 92: Kissed a girl? - nononono 93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? - not yet ;) 94: Had job? - not yet :( 95: Left the house without my wallet? - plenty of times lol 96: Bullied someone on the internet? - maybe? When I was like 13/14 I might've, but not really, I made cringey YouTube comments. 97: Had sex in public? - nope lol 98: Played on a sports team? - nope 99: Smoked weed? - nope 100: Did drugs? - nope 101: Smoked cigarettes? - nope 102: Drank alcohol? - nope 103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? - nope 104: Been overweight? - nope 105: Been underweight? - ...yeah 106: Been to a wedding? - many… many 107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? - HA plenty of times XD 108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? - probably 109: Been outside my home country? - no 110: Gotten my heart broken? - yeah 111: Been to a professional sports game? - actually yeah… it was boring 112: Broken a bone? - nope 113: Cut myself? - no, I considered once but immediately decided against it because I know someone close to me who did 114: Been to prom? - nope 115: Been in airplane? - a few times 116: Fly by helicopter? - nope 117: What concerts have I been to? - Oh lots, a bunch of em were when I had a scholarship that allowed me to see concerts for free 118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? - plenty lol, better question would be had a crush on the opposite sex. Which the answer would be… once 119: Learned another language? - sorta? Not fluently no lol 120: Wore make up? - nope, I don't like stuff on my face like face paints and makeup and stuff 121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? - nope 122: Had oral sex? - nope 123: Dyed my hair? - no, but I want to someday. Like a fun color 124: Voted in a presidential election? - yeah 125: Rode in an ambulance? - nope 126: Had a surgery? - nope 127: Met someone famous? - kinda! 128: Stalked someone on a social network? - a few times... 129: Peed outside? - yeah, hasn't everybody at least once? Right? 130: Been fishing? - once… super boring 131: Helped with charity? - not yet, can't afford to yet lol 132: Been rejected by a crush? - once 133: Broken a mirror? - don't think so 134: What do I want for birthday? - always a difficult question. But definitely want to see my boyfriend :)

5 notes · View notes

end-poaching-lindborg · 4 years

Text

Theory of Writing

I would describe my theory of writing as a process, a process in which you have to be patient in order to succeed. But what does it mean that ‘writing is a process’? , it means that you can’t just write an amazing paper in one sitting. Good writing takes time, patience and discipline if you want your work to turn out well. My theory of writing hasn’t always been the same, it was drastically different before stepping foot into WRIT 1133. I have always enjoyed writing on a more creative side, where I get to express how I feel on paper, but writing in the classroom always seemed to be somewhat difficult for me. Writing in a traditional school setting was more difficult for me because I never necessarily had a strong viewpoint on ‘good’ writing was nor cared about it enough to have any views. I always had written the bare minimum that I needed to do in order to pass because I never understood how much patience a good writing piece took. I always had a hard time writing in a very traditional format that I was taught growing up in school. Joining this class made me realize how important it is to be a good writer if you are using it in a creative aspect or in a school setting. I realized that remaining patient through the countless essays I have written, it will benefit me as a writer.

My previous work before this class was at the University of St. Thomas in Minnesota, where I had taken two writing classes. The first writing class was a common curriculum where we focused mostly on fairy tales, plays, folklore, and Frankenstein. I did really enjoy that class because the material was amusing to read and it was something that fascinated me. The writing, on the other hand, was very informal and casual, I never really was able to expand on my writing skills or develop what a good sense of writing was. One assignment in specific was to rewrite a fairytale, where I rewrote Hansel and Gretal, I made them to be cannibalistic children. In that specific piece I wrote, I had a lot of fun because I was able to use my imagination and rewrite one of the most known fairy tales. That class used a lot of creativity and imagination, but never taught me the proper way to write.

The following semester at St. Thomas, I enrolled in another writing class involving the literature of food. It sounds silly, but it was really interesting because I learned how food is portrayed in literature, the significance of specific dishes in other cultures, and how food unites people. I had the same professor as my first-semester writing class so my views on writing remained the same, very informal. The writing assignments I completed for this class were mostly reflections and analyses of texts that we read, it was never in a traditional format, more where we interpreted what we thought. I thoroughly enjoyed my time in those two classes, but I never got the chance to deepen my knowledge as to what good writing is. I wouldn’t necessarily consider my previous writing classes as a roadblock, but it definitely did not help me as I transitioned to DU and joined WRIT 1133.

I write outside of the classroom setting as well, a non-academic way though. I find that creative writing is soothing to me. Typically when I am feeling sad, anxious, or stressed, I like to take out my feelings on pen and paper. I go off the grid and will write my feelings for hours in the form of poetry. I use poetry as a stress reliever, but most importantly to get my feelings out. I am not one to talk about my feelings or burden others of my problems, so I write to get my feelings out. No one ever sees what I write, I just keep it to myself and like to look at my progress as a creative writer. I typically focus on heartbreak, in specific. I know I am young, but writing about that one boy who broke my heart seems to be my specialty. My favorite thing to write about mostly is outer space and natural elements on earth. I compare how I feel to the stars, sun, moon, fire, air, wind, and any other element that seems fitting. I use metaphors to describe my emotions. In a piece specifically, I describe my feelings and memories like the weather, it goes

“Your love was like the weather,

I felt it all over me.

Some days were blue skies,

others were as gloomy as nightfall.

Somehow my darkest nights were still bright,

with you by my side.

When I was with you,

I would feel sanctuary in your arms.

Most days,

you made me feel like rain.

Your love will continue to be like the weather.

Hopefully, you don’t turn into a natural disaster.”

I remember bawling my eyes out while writing that poem. I honestly can say that I have never shared those pieces I’ve written, so this is the first. When I say that I use creative writing, mainly poetry, as a stress reliever, I just write whatever feels right. I do really enjoy writing when I can use my creative side and have it be as non-academic as possible. My poetry hasn’t helped me improve as an academic writer, but it has allowed me to become more creative when I write.

Once I joined WRIT 1133, I really understood the importance of writing in a more traditional setting and how I can better myself as a writer. I would say that my writing has definitely evolved since the beginning of this quarter, I became more disciplined when it came to drafting and revising. When I previously wrote in a school setting, I usually turned in my first draft with little revision, I now completely understand why drafting is so important. There was one reading that was assigned that stood out to me, Collin Brooke and Allison Carr emphasizes the need for a ‘shitty first draft’. That ‘shitty first draft’ relates back to my theory of writing is a process, you need to have that shitty first draft in order to create a piece that is worth reading and something that you are proud of. For example, the research essay we have been working on in this class, that is a process. In no way shape or form, I would be able to write it in one sitting, I need to have time to analyze the work I have done in order to blossom into a paper I am proud of. My writing has even evolved within the past ten weeks of being in this class, starting with the Tumblr posts. When I first started uploading to Tumblr, I never gave any of my posts that much thought, I then started to realize that what I was writing wasn’t cutting it, That is when I decided to kick it up a notch and give writing my full potential. I can see the difference in my writing from the start of the quarter to the end, I have grown and now know what it takes.

I have been using my new and improved theory of writing, especially for this class. Understanding that writing is a difficult process has opened my eyes to realize how much work goes into writing. Drawing back to the first mapping activity, where we brainstormed the key terms of good writing, I chose--creativity, curiosity, research, analyzing, flexibility and organization. I still do believe that all of those are key concepts of what good writing is. Especially with how I enjoy creative writing, I need all of those aspects in order to create something I actually am proud of. However, I have had many ideas added to that list, especially after reading the eight habits of mind. The eight habits of mind that were not on my list were--persistence, metacognition, engagement, responsibility, and openness. All of those terms are factors into good writing as well. While developing my theory of writing, I kept all of those terms in mind. I have already incorporated my theory of writing, even in this theory proposal! I have been able to be persistent and patient in situations where I want my essay to be over with. The theory of writing has been beneficial to me because I have been able to figure out my writing style, and how I can work with it.

My own personal theory of writing will be able to help me through future writing scenarios I encounter. Whether it be in a class or a new job, or if I somehow become famous and have to put out PR statements (haha). I will be able to utilize my knowledge that WRIT 1133 gave me about my future endeavors. I will never forget that I need to be consistent and patience because writing is a process, a damn long one.

0 notes

sneaky-pete · 6 years

Text

it’s the emo post.

hi! as you may have heard, i like this girl! and by my own anxiety, unfamiliarity of dating, being in relationships, and Texting correctly, it hasn’t been the smoothest time for yours truly. it’s not her fault at all, and that’s an important place to start before i Emo Post. this is going to be a selfish post. i’m going to talk about my experience.

to start with a background, i am 21 years old and i am a no-kiss, no-hand-holding virgin. i crushed on two girls in high school for a very long time, one girl who made advances on me which i really liked and then she never talked to me again, and the girl who i went to prom with senior year that i lost my crush for before that actual prom night. the only crush/person that i had romantic intentions for in college was a girl from nov 2016 to jan 2017. my problem in that one was that she was 4 years older than me, did not live on campus, and i did not tell her early enough that i liked her.

not that all 21-year-old virgins aren’t, but i feel like i’m a charismatic and attractive enough dude to have had at least some experience. on several occasions whenever my romantic past has come up, people have been surprised to hear that i haven’t been with anyone before. people tend to like me! i’ll say it! i know it’s true! it’s not hard for me to find a little social nugget to dig into when i meet a new person and create a social relationship. i can read a room! i can tell if someone has something on their mind! i daresay that i’m a pretty socially intelligent person!

the only people that have come right up to me and said they thought i was attractive/they had feelings for me was (1) a 14-year-old when i was 18, (2) a gay man who apparently serially asks men out, and (3) a girl that i felt was very unstable as a person and also went to school 4 hours away. there are two people that i have heard from others that were attracted to me, (1) the girl that asked me to her senior prom my junior year and (2) someone told me that their friend was very attracted to me and thought i was funny! so yeah! that’s my experience for people being attracted to me! moving on!

i’m not the most masculine guy, either. i’m not into sports, i cross my legs, i empathize a lot more with women than the traditional masculine guy, my voice is not flat and boring, i can recognize that other men are attractive, sexy, or what have you without fear. i’ve never wanted to date a man though. however, can i say with confidence that i will only like women? no, i can’t. i’m keeping my options open. were i to find a man attractive at some point, i would possibly look into it. am i straight? am i bi? who knows. will i tell others i’m straight until proven otherwise? we’ll, i’ll say i’m straight and if i’m comfortable with the person asking i would say that i do find some men attractive, not have not yet wanted to date one. do i have straight privilege though? absolutely. some people have mistaken me for being gay! that’s fine! does this add anything to the story! no! but it does make the “reader” more acquainted with my sexuality i guess?

my job last summer was being an orientation leader for new students coming to the school. we got hired on the basis that we seemed to have good social skills and are charismatic. it was a really fun summer! i got to live in a huge building that had only the 40 of us socially-outgoing folk in it! now, of course, this would be the place to try to find someone to date because (1) all of the hot, funny, and outgoing people all in one place! and (2) everyone has their own rooms so if there was Sex To Be Had it would be very conducive to that. of course dating coworkers can get hairy but i was lucky (/s) enough that this never was the case. everyone there BECAUSE they were hot, funny, and outgoing were all in relationships. there were many people that were not single that i had VERY soft and light crushes on, because who wouldn’t?? everyone there was great!

one of the not-single people who i thought was cute that i never really talked to that much (we had a mutual friend we were both close to) i discovered on tinder in february. we acknowledged each other, and apparently she told some mutual friends about our matching. one of those friends brought us two and another “couple” he was trying to match-make to a music department event and afterparty. the girl and i talked during the show. i knew she liked books a lot so i centered the conversation around it so she could talk about herself and feel good. one of our friends asked if some dude with long hair was coming and she said that she didn’t know and that he was kind of boring. at the afterparty, she’s texting a lot and this dude with long hair comes over and is with her for the rest of the night. of course, i’m mad at myself at this point for having hopes and for not being more confident in myself or whatever. i text her to make sure she gets home safe: and we’ve texted every day for a month and a half since. of course, the next week, she Unfortunately gets sick, so i can’t hang out with her at all then. the next week is spring break where it’s Unfortunately blizzarding all week and she still has the flu. we still talk though and it’s very nice. we’re keeping each other company while trapped at home! of course during this time, me being me, i begin to value her texts too much. i would get very anxious for no reason if she didn’t respond right away. it’s selfish and insecure of me and i haven’t quite shaken it yet, but hopefully i do at some point. we both go to march for our lives in boston the week after break with our friends and bond a little more there. i ask her when the day is done if she would like to do something later on in the week. she said yes! my excitement was through the roof!

a few days later, i ask her if she wants to go to a little indoor hippie mall/bazaar called mill no 5 and she said yes!! i didn’t realize that i scheduled it for my birthday, but she told me the very next day that i did! she plans a birthday dinner with my friend group. i ask for lowell burger co. and the day is set! she asks later on in the week if i had any evening plans and i said no. OF COURSE i have to plan because i wasn’t sure what that meant! did it mean simply hang out? did it mean sex? who’s to say! i acquire condoms just in case the day before. the next day, we go out! we have a wonderful time! she’s beautiful! her big, golden green eyes are bright and she’s wonderful. we go to mill no 5, sit in the coffee shop and talk for a couple hours, we order food and talk some more. we go check out the shops and i ask her if she wants a 2 hour halftime between our millno5date (which i said very fast and who knows if she considers it a date to this day (she probably does how was that not a date)). we take our half time, she drops me off, i nap, she showers and changes. we go to lowell burger co., i order my first beer and i don’t get carded. she and two of my friends draw on the tablecloth some happy birthday art which i still have on my wall. after dinner, we go back to my place and my friends are still there which i did not expect at all!!! we talk, we watch dunkirk, we talk some more until 1:30am! there is supportive, playful hand, arm, and leg touching during our storytellings! she asks be if anyone got me anything for my birthday and i put her hand to my cheek and say my gift was my great day with you!!!! i’m on cloud 9! i think it’s the most dopamine ever released at once in my brain! i walk her to her car, she drives me back up to the entrance of my building, and i hug her and say GOODBYE BUD like a dummy, it’s fine though. i ask her if she wants to do more stuff like this and she says yes!!!

of course, the next day i overthink all of it. i was very low energy and had a sort of a post-high-dopamine-release depression day. i have lunch with her and a friend at the dining hall a few days later and i can barely eat. seeing each other was good though. it was very difficult to eat anything that week because of how much i was overthinking about her. i ask her a few days later if she wants to go see airplane! and get pho afterwards. she says yes! my eating returns to normal. that weekend, i go to pax and text her the whole time. i buy her a hufflepuff pin there because that’s both of our hogwarts house! the next week (this week that just passed) on tuesday we had lunch at the dining hall again but this time the friend can’t make it, and we have a wonderful time talking for an hour and a half! i give her the pin, she gives me a great big hug, and we part. that’s the last time i saw her!

(i really enjoy talking to her in person SO MUCH MORE than over text. texting makes me anxious and she does not respond right away and for things that don’t necessarily need a response (a meme, a thing that can be said “nice” or some other sort of positive confirmation) she does not respond to, which i get irrationally anxious about, so much that i sometimes turn my phone off so i don’t look at it at all.)

she was in a relationship last year until december when that guy told her he does not love her. of course, she is still grieving now. she retweets/reblogs on twitter and tumblr (two things i SURE SHOULDN’T have followed) emo things about healing and how men are liars so i know that she MIGHT not be in a great place emotionally to be dated yet. yet another Unfortunate thing! on top of the first few weeks not being able to meet up and as well as her not living on campus (she lives 10-15ish minutes away, too far to walk to and not a familiar, friendly, campus-y, dorm-y environment). but here’s the next part that’s super unfortunate that happened yesterday that has me selfishly feeling down today!

yesterday her brother left his wife and is moving back into their childhood home! my friends had a cover show last night and at lunch on tuesday she said she was excited to go and see people but not nessecarily for the loud music (me too, sis!!). because of her brother needing her, she Unfortunately can’t go to the party! she tells me through text that her life recently has been one shitty thing after another and that she’s always sad! (list of things probably: getting dumped, being at home all the time, MAYBE our mutual friend that is her best friend getting in trouble in conduct with sexual things, and her brother!) i empathize a lot with her! that is all very bad! but my selfish monkey brain had been looking forward to this (and the airplane! and pho date) all week and was sad to not see her there. i ask her at 11am today if she can still make the movies tonight and she responds at 1:30pm that her brother needs her and she has to cancel. that’s fine! but i’m still sad i don’t get to see her!

this has all been very unlucky! there are still multiple chances this week for us to see each other: lunch tues/thurs, our friend’s thesis defense wednesday, and seeing the theatre dept show friday. hopefully she can make at least one or two of them! i still like her a lot but realize that this may not be the best time to tell her my feelings for her. originally i planned for that to be tonight after our date but that’s not the case anymore.

i don’t know. i really like her. i’m pretty sure she knows. my roommate, best friend, and confidant through this says that from a third-person lens that is not in the situation and does not have anxiety about it that she really likes me too. i just want this to work out. i wanna kiss her pretty face and wonderful nose. i want to laugh and talk for hours with her. i want to hold her warm hands and look up into her golden green eyes. i want to hear her talk about the books she’s reading. i want to know if she likes me too. i want to know if we could date. i wanna be her man.

#hh

0 notes