#how are you so sexy

[in-my-loki-feels]

So I've been meaning to watch Shanghai Noon and it was available for rent on the tube site so I went there and then saw a suggested video that I read as "shanghai noon full movie".

"Well, don't mind if I do!"

It was the sequel but I watched it anyway since I couldn't remember if I'd seen it. Very cute, wished it had more western stuff but that was in the first movie, I get it.

What I really want to talk about is the part in the blooper reel where Owen is being very cute/flirty. I can't make gifs and these are 360p but when he licks his lips.... 👀

(It's very brief but here if you want to see it)

#excuse me sir #how are you so sexy #owen wilson #shanghai knights #owen wilson is the best #owen wilson's grin is infectious

[coreytaylr]

100% legit totally real facts about the historical stede bonnet

no the title is not a lie these are really REAL bc believe it or not, somehow the show made our stede MORE competent than the real one

sources: Real Pirates podcast (ep1, ep2, ep3, ep4, ep5), Dirty Sexy History podcast (with jeremy moss, bonnet's biographer, who LOVES the show, and said it changed his perspective on bonnet's and blackbeard's relationship PLUS he has the stedesrevenge handle on twt)

the library on the revenge was a real thing. the man really did that.

running away from his family to be a pirate

paying a salary to his crew

SHOWING UP IN NASSAU IN FRILLY GENTLEMANLY CLOTHES AND A POWDERED WIG

before bonnet's capture, he ran his ship aground and that's how the english caught up with him BUT the two english ships also ran aground (😭), so they fought each other with their flintlock pistols from behind their ships (until the tides turned and dislodged the english ships first. rip)

adopted an alias when he started pirating so people wouldn't know it was him but he raided ships near Barbados (where he's from), so that didnt turn out well. his solution? burning every ship from Barbados

he only succeeded in his early days bc merchant ships knew they would get off easier if they surrendered

ATTACKED A WARSHIP that whooped his ass so bad he almost died. the remaining crew steered the ship to Nassau where he met blackbeard

blackbeard stole the revenge from him but "allowed" him to stay on BB's ship (either as a guest or as a prisoner, it's not clear, but he def wasn't a crew member bc he didn't have any chores)

he was seen on deck running around in his gowns 😭😭

BB eventually reinstated him as the captain of the revenge and they sailed together for a while

"there is a 4 month period where stede and blackbeard kind of disappeared and no one really knows what they were doing" 👀

BB allowed bonnet to raid on his own which lead to him getting his ass beat by the Protestant Caesar. BB then proceeded to HUNT DOWN THE PROTESTANT CAESAR while flying the RED FLAG (which meant no mercy to anyone on board)

bonnet would raid ships and take what provisions he needed and give the other ship what he didn't need (essentially the library raiding scene lmaoo)

BB betrayed bonnet by raiding his ship and marooning his crew while bonnet was off getting a pardon

SO BONNET SWORE REVENGE AGAINST BB who was at the time, the most feared pirate

this led to him adopting another alias - "he also changes his name, at the time he goes by captain edward's. which is really interesting, I don't know if that's an homage to, you know, edward teach, but.. captain edward's with an "s", that's as if he's.. a possession of captain edward" ONCE AGAIN 👀👀👀👀

HE ESCAPED PRISON BY DRESSING AS A WOMAN

after escaping, he was promised a sloop by some rando. when the rando didnt deliver, bonnet "WROTE HIM A STRONGLY WORDED LETTER REPRIMANDING THE MAN"

that letter led to him being recaptured 😭😭

he was hanged while holding a bouquet of wilted flowers

#stede bonnet #our flag means death #ofmd #real pirates #dirty sexy history #kriss.exe #I WENT DOWN A RABBITHOLE IM SORRY #all of these are so fucking funny how was this man REAL #btw BB only became the legend AFTER he met bonnet #anyways the twt crew loved these so thats why i decided to compile them in one post #hope you all enjoy it too <3 #blackbeard #edward teach

[donttellunclesam]

drunk walk home: halloween edition

(close ups under the cut)

#stranger things #steddie #ronance #steve harrington #eddie munson #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #fruity four #stobin #inktober #you guys will NOT believe how many costumes i debated #first sketch of this had steve and robin being a snail. robin was the shell and steve was the slug 💀 #then they were batman and robin and i was like ehhhhh they would thinks thats too nerdy. they would wanna be Sexy on halloween #so robin is the little devil on hot priest!steve's shoulder <3 #eddie was always going to be a jester. in my sims4 gallery thats his party outfit number 2 lmaoo #dustin was going to be there but nancy deserves to have fun <3 #anyways! happy october!! #dtus art

[intoxicating-goddess]

I want you to ride my strap. I want to be able to watch all the sexy faces you make as you take control of your own pleasure. I want to watch how hard you work to get yourself off. I want you to use my tits has handles while you grind your hips against me. Every once in a while, I want to buck into you just to hear you gasp from the unexpected pleasure. When you start to get tired, I want to use my hands to help guide your hips up and down. Then, when I know you're at your limit, I want to thrust into you as hard and fast as I can. I'll keep thrusting inside of you until you finally cum all over my strap.

#lesbian sex #lesbianism #lesbian bd/sm #lesbian daddy #lesbian dom #lesbian nsft #sexy lesbians #lesbian goals #lesbian #dom/sub #strappon #str@p #strap #so fuckable #hot as fuck #i love cute mascs so fucking much <3 #me having to physically hold myself back from just fucking her in her seat #want you to know how pretty you look when i'm fucking you #wlw ns/fw #dom wlw #wlw fantasy #wlw smut #nsft wlw #wlw love #wlw nsft #wlw #wlw post #girls who love girls #lez girls #gay girls

[jeeaark]

Guess. Guess who found out those weren't actually PJs the dream guardian was wearing after. after drawing the uh. other comic? with the uh.

PJ gift sillies?

#bg3 spoilers #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #shadowheart #greygold #bg3 comic #bg3 fanart #YALL YOU DON"T KNOW HOW MUCH I WAS TRYING TO GIVE THIS SQUID SO MANY BENEFITS OF A DOUBT #TRYING SO HARD WITH THE JUMPING OF BRAIN HOOPS AND OPTIMISTIC PLATONIC NAIVETY #BUT HUAH APPARENTLY THE GAME WOULD LIKE YOU TO KNOW #DAT GUARDIAN REALLY WAS WEARING SEXY-WEAR #WHAT AN ILLITHI-FRIGGIN-DORK #YEAH I'LL POST BOTH COMICS TODAY I GUESS

[sualne]

and now...

#one piece #trafalgar law #monkey d luffy #lulaw #<- it's not but for tagging purposes ig. sometimes fellas hugs and that's it. shit is complicated in the vamp au. #my art #my comic #op vamp au #described in alt text #they were supposed to be dressed but the anatomy turned really good in the first panel and yknow how it is #now if you see being naked as inherently sexual/sexy then it unfortunately change the tone A Bit but thats not the point here #among the things i want to explore in the au is luffy fresh out from his 2 years training being so utterly defeated despite it all and #how he would react to that.

[guinevereslancelot]

what was with cameron house md she spends 90% of the episode saying she wants their patient to die bc he's a genocidal dictator and her colleague husband says "babe it bothers me for ethical reasons that you want our patient to die :(" and she said "hm maybe you're right :/" but when it comes down to it the genocidal dictator lays a finger on her in an aggressive manner and chase instantly commits medical malpractice to murder the guy and then when he tells her she LEAVES HIM bc boo hoo he's a murderer now like GIRL he killed a man for you!!! he's wracked with catholic guilt!!! he's being crushed beneath the weight of his sins because he chose his devotion to you over his devotion to god!!! he literally could not get any sexier at this moment in time!!!

#girl what are you doing...... #also just in general she did not deserve him honestly he was so good to her and for WHAT #just to be abandoned at peak devotion and guilt and hotness 🙄 #girl get OUT of my way i'm stronger than you #if she cared she could fix him or make him worse but i could love and support him no matter what 😌 #his muder is a part of him and its SEXY #robert chase #house md #malpractice md #i know the actors broke up irl or whatever but wtf..... #i should have ended my rewatch w their happy lil wedding at the end of s5 #s6 everything instantly goes to shit #and stays shitty #chase should be happy fr #he's supposed to turn into house basically but they should have made him the well adjusted version of house #like how nightwing is the well adjusted version of batman #anyway i have no real point here i just lowkey dont like cameron bc of this arc #also her obsession w house is so weird i wish they hadn't made that a thing #this has been a shitpost #anyway she left chase at the absolute peak of his sexiness wtf....... #anyway since this apparently needs to be said its not that deep this is a silly post if you send me hate messages i wont answer #i block and ignore anon hate bc i am too busy touching grass to be rude to strangers over a tv show

[ithinkdogshouldvote]

If he’s evil why is he soooo babygirl???

#HELP HES SO FUNNY #you and I both hate that he’s canonically hot #i totally imagined him as bald and ugly and old before they talked about how fucking sexy he is #no.1 child manipulater this guyyyy #the entire lineage is predestined to be weird as shit and a step-dad #this fuckin guy man #jesus fucking christ #dungeons and daddies #dndads #willie stampler #willy stampler #dungeons & daddies #dnd podcast #parts of him are kinda grayscale and dark cause necrotic energy #idk I thought it’d be cool

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Critical thinking failure: did not consider all the options.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #season 1 #wei wuxian #it’s hilarious to me how fast wwx jumps to ‘omg was there something going on between lwj and mxy #and thats why he’s acting like this?’ #because *clearly there is no other alternate explainations! #wwx believe me; mxy was your kinnie all the way #but in the same way one adopts a fanon interpretation as an alter #LWJ would clock the discrepancies so fast you would need to get a neck brace. In the least sexy way #wwx really lucked out in getting the body of a guy everyone already thought was a bit odd #but had lwj *known* mxy? yeah the song wouldnt have even been needed #oh man…now I’m a bit sad thinking about lwj spending time with the wwx impersonators #just hoping to feel a little bit of familiarity…a little less lonely

[wigglebox]

Suptober - Day 13 || Flirt [x]

#suptober23 #destiel #dean winchester #castiel #destiel fanart #spnfanart #wiggleart #this took me so long to figure out I literally had to scrap like ten ideas #despite always drawing them all cute together I actuall struggle with the concept of flirting I guess lmao #also I was gonna have dean being the one flirting at Cas but then I remembered how cute it was in the show when that #man was flirted at by people he was interested in lmao #looking at you Aaron #he got so flustered! #also I like confident flirty Cas sometimes okay lol #but I also like the headcanon or concept of Cas being unintentionally sexy or flirty and driving dean up the wall by merely idk folding laun #laundry lmao

[thranduel]

astarion, the man who was dying and offered eternal life, but had no idea that it meant becoming a slave to a sadistic master.

astarion, the man who had his freedom and bodily autonomy ripped away from him.

astarion, the man who was forced to befriend, seduce and sleep with people to lure them back to his master, resulting in severe sexual trauma and the struggle to form any sort of intimate relationship.

astarion, the man who was horribly punished whenever he refused his master’s orders (one punishment being sealed away in a dusty tomb, starving, for an entire year. he scratched his hands raw trying to carve his way out).

astarion, the man who was forced to eat rats.

astarion, the man who hasn’t even been able to see his own face since he turned.

astarion, the man who had his body mutilated as cazador carved scars onto his back, which he later found out was to bind him to a ritual.

astarion, the man who is so severely traumatised that he admitted he doesn’t know how to say “no” or ask for help (and he feels guilty when he does).

astarion, the man who waited two centuries to be helped and freed from torture, but no one came.

astarion, the man who was always treated like a monster when all he wanted was to be treated like a person.

astarion, the man who came up to you in the middle of the night just to thank you for defending him and allowing him to make his own decisions.

astarion, the man who said that no one ever looked out for him or showed him kindness, and that you’re the only one. “other people don’t have a heart like you. you’re you. no one is like that.”

astarion, the man who broke the cycle of power and terror that started centuries ago thanks to the love, care and compassion that you showed him when no one else did.

astarion, the man who confessed that he loves you and feels safe with you; something he has never felt with anyone before.

#my darling boy :( #astarion #baldur’s gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 spoilers #his backstory and character development make me want to bawl my eyes out #this is why i get so angry when people don’t even try to understand him #and when they reduce him to things he’s not #like do you pay ANY attention to anything he says?? #or do you just stare at him and drool and then continue to sexualise him #sorry if that sounds dramatic but ughhhhhh man #it’s just incredibly annoying #like i don’t know why some people choose to pick up an intense game with really deep characters if they’re not gonna try to understand them #like they weren’t just made for you to treat them like they’re objects #and what gets me is the fact that astarion would HATE how people talk about him #and yes yes i know he’s not real i’m not dumb i am aware!!!!! #but he would absolutely hate it #that flirty sexy vampire image you have of him isn’t even real #it was a mask he wore #he was literally forced into doing those things #even in the game he has a reputation for flirting and sleeping around but that’s not even who he is or what he wants #it’s all an act #and it’s just so sad how everyone reduces him to that when it traumatises him every day #and apparently there’s a scene with raphael where if you haven’t seen astarion’s scars yet -> #raphael basically says he’s surprised astarion has kept his clothes on for this long and then he strips him naked in front of everyone #it’s so horrible and unfair #i just want to hold his hand and hug him tight. he deserves so much better in the game AND in this fandom #tw abuse #tw sa #my posts

[paimonial-rage]

cocky bastard vibes - zhongli

ship: zhongli x reader

synopsis: in which reader shares their free thoughts on the liyue statue of seven

notes: standalone snippet part of the bookkeeping!verse

It was a beautiful day in Liyue. The grass was a luscious green and the birds were singing a beautiful song. After a nice stay at the Emerald Maple Inn, you and Mr. Zhongli decided to have a cup of tea next to the Statue of the Seven before heading on your way to Qingce Village. You were to accompany him to pick up supplies for the next funeral rite, and with the way the morning was going, you knew nothing would ruin this peaceful day.

"So how much do you want to bet that Rex Lapis was hot and knew it?”

You ignored the choked sound that came from your side as you gazed up at the picturesque statue. Though your companion would probably consider your question quite out of the blue, you couldn’t say it was the first time you wondered such a thing. Whenever you passed by one of them in Liyue, the thought always plagued your mind for a few hours after. Judging by Mr. Zhongli’s reaction, though, it seemed he did not share your sentiments.

"Ehem… That… certainly is an interesting thought. I can’t say whether or not previous records touched on such a topic."

You hummed, gazing up at the statue. Really? That couldn’t be true. Why wouldn’t anyone talk about a statue looking like that?

“Well there are many reasons why I’d say I’m right. First off, his outfit. He has a hooded cloak on while also being shirtless. There’s absolutely no logical reason to dress like that unless they’re from the deserts of Sumeru, wouldn’t you say? It obviously was a conscious fashion decision. If you pair that with the seductive way he’s sitting, I’d be inclined to assume he’s quite clearly feeling his look.”

Silence came from your side. Hm, Mr. Zhongli still wasn’t convinced? Then you would go on.

“You do see it, right? His posture is relaxed, yet confident. Not to mention the way he’s looking at that cube in his hand with practically bedroom eyes. His knees are apart too. My friend from Sumeru told me that when a man sits like that, he’s displaying his dominance.”

Still silence.

"You can't sit in a seductive pose like that without on some level being aware you look good doing it. I mean look at him! He's shirtless and everything! I've heard even macho fishermen say that they pray to the statue for a good night before coming home to see their wives. You can’t blame them, right?"

A hesitant cough.

"I-I'm sure it was a younger time when those statues were sculpted."

You groaned.

"Maybe, but you’re not even looking! If you did, you’d agree with me that Rex Lapis is clearly exuding such massive 'cocky bastard' vibes!" You countered.

For some reason, the more you spoke, the more flustered he became.

"C'mon, Mr. Zhongli! Why are you so embarrassed? It's not like I'm slandering his good name! I mean, if Rex Lapis didn't want us talking about him like this, maybe he shouldn't have made a statue with abs clean enough to eat off of!"

Okay, maybe at this point, you were piling it on a bit thick. Could anyone blame you? His face was in his hand as if he had a headache, and were his ears tinged the slightest hint of red? It was an interesting sight. Never had you seen him look so completely flustered. Sure you were rather blunt, but you didn't think your words were that provocative. Mr. Zhongli really was practically a 65 year old man.

"I thought you respected the Geo Archon…" He muttered weakly.

You gasped in offense.

"I do! I’d even consider my words the utmost of pious behavior. In Mondstadt, the sisters of the church consider themselves married to Barbatos, the Anemo Archon. So finding the Geo Archon to be a sex god is pretty much the same thing, right?”

“No, it is not.”

#genshin impact #genshin #genshin x reader #zhongli #zhongli x reader #in which the author converts their first thought upon seeing the liyue statue of seven into written verse #like legit why he sit like that tho #like i’m not the only one right? #why is he sitting like he wants to seduce someone #there’s no logical reason anyone would sit like that unless they thought they looked damn sexy doing so #also if it isn’t clear reader is purposefully laying it on thick through this whole thing #it’s their turn to be amused they deserve it #he’s put them through enough #this is the dumbest thing i’ve ever written but i’m also not sorry #this is my magnum opus not the fischl one uwu #milk u made me finish this how dare you #bookkeeping!verse

[daisy-mooon]

"I want Annabeth to be blonde :(" then pick up a PJO book and read it you dumb fuck

#pjo fans stop being weird about black annabeth challenge IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #first off annabeths race isnt important to her story. annabeth could be any race. her skin colour doesnt actually impact her. her hair does #now im not blonde but im a white girl so let me explain why some pjo fans need to stfu. i have grade 9s. im called stupid for my appearance #im not insulted bc im white or bc i have blue eyes or brown hair. im insulted bc women are judged on their appearance. im insulted bc SEXIS #annabeth isnt really called dumb for being blonde. shes called dumb bc shes female. and ppl are more likely to stereotype women than men #this is especially true for black women! whatever sexism white women get is always horrifically multiplied for poc women #black hair frequently gets called unprofessional untidy unhygienic etc. its VERY likely that show annabeth has been called dumb for her hai #does this make the casting “accurate”? no. but castings don't have to be accurate. they have to ADD to the character. #annabeth being black ADDS to her character because it showcases how women (esp black women) are devalued for their appearance #movie annabeth wasnt bad for having brown hair or white hair she was a bad adaptation bc she was ooc #i just think its ironic that a core aspect of annabeth was being judged for her looks. and now show annabeth is getting judged for her look #like. you guys really missed the point here. #anyways disagree all you want but book annabeth is still blonde. no one is erasing her. theres a new PJO book w blonde annabeth SEPTEMBER 2 #GO READ CHALICE OF THE GODS IF U WANT BLONDE ANNABETH OMG! adaptions and source material can be separate and coexist! #rant over sorry #pjo #percy jackson #annabeth chase #pjo show #percy jackson and the olympians #the lightning thief #discourse #shitpost #percy jackson show #pjo discourse #riordanverse

[bruciemilf]

Jason: No one fucking understands the pain and the catastrophical volume of grief that comes with being taller than your parents. I can't be picked up anymore

Billy Batson, built like a tank on steroids, adopted by Diana: So you pick them up, coward

#billy: imagine how tired we are #jason todd #billy batson #step siblings with the bat kids #incorrect quotes #incorrect batfam #yes im aware diana is 6'2 and while thats very sexy and talented of her #i much preffer 5'3 diana who's the physical manifestation of destruction on two legs but you cant tell bc shes that puppy coded #text #text post #jason going out of his way to pick bruce up randomly bc billy does it with diana is something that can be so personal

[toasteaa]

Sometimes I forget that Neuvillette uses a cane and then I go a little insane thinking about the way it would sound against the tiles in the Palais, the way he uses it (rarely, unless the situation truly calls for it) as a replacement for a gavel in court - something about it openly being a symbol of his authority when it's in use. Makes a little tingle go down my spine.

Accidentally pavloving yourself into having extremely indecent thoughts of what it might be like for him to be as firm and authoritative with you as he is in court whenever you see his cane between his gloved hands? Avoiding his questioning (and just a tad soft - his concern is always so subtly sweet) gaze and only getting more embarrassed when he clicks his cane lightly to get your attention? Oh...he's no idea what that does to you, does he?

#toast talks #genshin impacted #listen to me. listen. I have a suit kink. and a hand kink. and an authority kink - if that's a thing #I think Neuvillette's cane is *really* sexy okay. I recognize this is a problem. I burn up whenever the scenarios start up #I ALSO have a voice kink. so you see how in danger I am here yes? #I'm uh...I'm gonna go um...have thoughts about him... #neuvillette x reader #neuvillette x you #genshin neuvillette

[iutdwae]

accidentally deleted the ask from kitty anon elaborating on tutor!changbin but it’s most definitely on my mind ><. something about buff men in glasses.. and he’s smart too!! i wouldn’t doubt that he’d let you sit on his lap, dick buried inside you while he lectures you through the material, thorough and patient as if he wasn’t burning to rock his hips against you. his large arms would encage your own body, guiding you through the lesson, and it feels as safe as it gets having his chest pressed onto your back, his voice sultry and low against your ear.

on the opposite end, if he’s got the time to spare, he wouldn’t hesitate to tease you. bin likes to have his two fingers buried deep in your cunt, thumb just barely rubbing at your clit, all while he’s reading the questions off the pages like nothing was wrong. gotta study at the campus library? he’s already ahead of the game, asking you to slip a vibrator into your panties that he’d left at the lowest temperature, gradually increasing the speed and intensity each time you’d get something wrong. your head would be pounding by the time you manage to complete the assingment, and changbin can tell how much you’re holding back.

expect to have his cock pounding into you while you’re bent over the table when the session is done, allowing you to render brain dead on his dick after studying so hard. he’ll fuck you until he knows you’ve got nothing on your mind except for the feeling of him stretching you out, watching himself slip in and out of your cunt through the fogged lenses that rested on the tip of his nose. binnie loves telling you how proud he is of you all while his thrusts push his cum from your hole, letting it run down your thighs while his large hands grasp your waist. he takes a lot of pride knowing that your marks always end up significantly higher, though he refuses to tutor anyone except you.

#struggled so bad in math earlier today and all i could think of was how sexy changbin is #like i love a man that understands math…. ooo you want me so bad #he’s just SO handsome in glasses too >< #my life would be so much easier if i had changbin as a tutor #changbin x reader #changbin smut #skz x reader #skz smut #changbin imagines #changbin drabbles #skz imagines #skz drabbles #stray kids smut