#i really hope nothing i'm doing or saying is in any way offensive

[jewish-vents]

I can't with this anymore uhhhhhhggggg

"AITAH for creating a private doc to keep notes on what my racist teacher said"

I have this teacher who said a lot of shit (eg. "Ashkenazi people were Europeans forcefully converted by invading Jews", "the Torah mentions Jesus and Mohammed", "Judaism started in Ethiopia because it's the oldest religion and therefore must come from where all people do", "getting angry at Houthis for attacking Israel is like getting angry at a l*nched man for struggling on the noose", etc.). No one cared that she said these things besides a boy she kept deadnaming, a girl who she used as an example talking about slave r*pe, and a kid who she humiliated in front of the class a few times.

When I reported this shit to the dean he was concerned as fuck and 100000% on my side because he's really cool. And to report the stuff, I'd been using a private google doc to keep track of what she'd said. The principal though was overly optimistic and decided instead of talking to the teacher in private, she would hold a class discussion! Yaaaaaaayyyyyyy. I was less than pleased by this, and at the discussion most people took her side. I eventually decided to share the doc with the other three kids so I could get better firsthand accounts.

But then the doc started spreading.

One of the other kids shared it with this boy who she used to mock and throw under the bus, and he shared it with his friend. Who shared it with another friend. Things went like whisper-down-the-lane until someone, I don't know WHO, got a hold of it and shared it to the whole. Fucking. Class. Including the teacher. People started claiming the doc was Islamophobic and didn't elaborate why, and saying we were only "attacking" the teacher because she was Muslim. Or that we only reported this stuff to get drama and attention. The principal herself even said that this was happening because we have varying cultures, which is BS because I have plenty of Muslim friends who have never said ANY of the shit this lady has. That is waaaayyyy more Islamophobic of a statement and I felt offended on my friends' behalf with that one.

I feel bad for the teacher for seeing that doc, but then again, I myself am suffering because someone leaked all my personal opinions to the class. I'm a super conflict avoidant person because I have severe ADHD and OCD and mild autism (ASD1, to be specific), and I hate being involved. I want to sympathize for her. I really do. But when asked to apologize for what she said, she started defending herself and saying we were all closed-minded for not thinking what we previously thought was wrong. My mom wants to take me out of the class to do an independent study project so I can pass the required course without being in that classroom. Because nothing gets in the way of Jewish parents. Especially during Passover.

My classmates are saying she's a sweet lady and it was wrong of us to get upset at her, so are we the bad guys and/or am I overreacting to this scenario.

Anon I'm going to be very honest here. You are absolutely NTA here. And you're not overreacting at all. Your teacher is being very offensive, not to mention historically wrong.

And the doc? If she didn't want to have her offensive opinions called out in front of everyone, maybe she should stop being offensive.

I'm going to say, personally if she were my teacher the doc would be the least of her problems. She would not like me very much.

I hope you're safe tho, you and the other students she's hurt. You don't deserve to be treated like this

-🐺

#jewish vents #antisemitism #leftist antisemitism

[vaspider]

Hi there! Hope you’re having a good day mama spider. Just dropping by to ask for some info on an addition to a post about Judaism you made. I chose to ask you and not op because i’ve sent you an ask before and know that you answer them. So real quick, why did you type out G-d rather than God or god? Does it have something to do with Judaism? Is it just for the faithful to follow and not goyim? As an atheist who was formerly Catholic i just wanna learn more and be respectful of others’ religions whenever i can. I know next to nothing about Judaism, even though they’re a good portion of my county’s population. Hope this ask isn’t insensitive in any way, and thanks for taking the time to read this <3

This isn't insensitive to ask. It's actually a great question, and I'm glad that you asked if you're curious.

Since those articles cover your asks pretty well, I'm gonna give you some free bits of info to help your quest for respectfulness, which is pretty rad, btw: we don't really use phrases like "the faithful" bc Judaism doesn't require faith in G-d. There is no conflict between Judaism and atheism & there are a lot of Jewish atheists and agnostics. Judaism is an ethnoreligion and a people in a way that a lot of religions aren't, and in fact, the symbolism for one of my favorite holidays emphasizes that we are not complete without all kinds of Jews:

The functions of the four species are defined by both their smell and taste, or lack thereof, along with some interesting imagery from the Midrash (Vayikra Rabbah 30:12): The etrog has both taste and smell, representing people who both perform good deeds and have Torah (knowledge). The lulav has taste but no smell, representing those who do not use their knowledge to perform good deeds. The hadass (myrtle) has smell but no taste, representing those who perform good deeds but lack the knowledge to excel at them. The aravah (willow) has no taste and no smell, representing those who lack both.

"Good deeds" here doesn't just mean "being nice to your neighbors" but refers directly to performing mitzvot/mitzvahs, the 613 commandments that observant Jews observe to varying levels of specificity and intensity.

It's not offensive to use a phrase like "the faithful," just isn't ... correct, you know? Instead, you'd just say Jews or Jewish people. If you're trying to refer specifically to Jews who are religious or believe in G-d... there isn't exactly a phrase for that, I guess you'd say "observant," because there are a lot of Jews who are observant but also atheists, since observant Jews may be observing mitzvaot for any number of reasons that have nothing to do with belief in the existence of G-d.

Anyway, there you go, with some bonus info. As always, I don't speak for everybody, 2 Jews 3 Opinions, etc.

#Judaism #jumblr

[just-jordie-things]

hey jordie :) can i have jjk boys when you wipe off his kisses just to see his reaction? 🤭

GOJO SATORU

if you wipe his kiss off your face, you will be attacked. hollow purple with more kisses.

you did it as a joke ofc, simpling brushing your fingers over your cheek where satoru had casually left a little kiss. and you're not surprised when he gapes at you in offense. but before you can laugh it off and tell him you were only trying to get a rise out of him, he's tackling you into the couch cushions and smothering you in kisses.

these kisses are more deserving of getting wiped off of course, they're loud and wet and he's shouting a dramatic "mwah! mwah!" between each one.

(if this happens in your shared apartment with megumi and tsumiki just down the hall, they're racing to shut their doors)

"you don't lave to like it, but you will accept my love!"

"satoru! i was only messing with you!" you screech as you try to paw him off of you.

"well i didn't like it" his kisses soften as they pepper over your nose.

"you mess with me all the time" you huff.

"yeah, well, that's okay. cause it's me"

your eyes are rolling, but when he leans in to give you a proper kiss, you can't help but reciprocate. your play-kiss-fighting definitely turns into a full and proper makeout session. ___

FUSHIGURO MEGUMI

pls don't wipe his kiss away. he will not take it as a joke. he will think he did something wrong.

he'd just sat next to you on a bench in the courtyard. you were reading your book and he had nothing better to do than keep you company- which happened to be his favorite thing to do. he pecks your cheek softly and casually in greeting, and when he saw you raise your hand to wipe at the spot, his heart plummets.

you don't turn to him, opting to keep an eye on him in your peripheral, so you don't quite catch the way he's crestfallen by your action.

"everything okay, sweetheart?" he asks gently, hoping maybe you'd just had a rough day and it had nothing to do with him.

"yeah, i'm fine" you hum nonchalantly before turning a page.

megumi frowns.

"did i do something?" he asks, disappointment smothering his tone. "are you upset with me?"

you're abandoning your book then, head swiveling quickly and eyes wide as you realize he was taking your little joke all wrong.

he looks so hurt, you couldn't bear to keep up with the bit any longer.

"no- gumi i was just messing," you say, setting your book aside to scoot closer to him, laying your hands around his jaw comfortingly. "it was just a joke, i'm sorry"

he wants to scoff at your idea of humor- this one really rivaled gojo's- but he sticks with the dramatics and pouts further as he leans into the warmth of your hands.

"but you wiped my kiss away," he sighs. "you sure you haven't fallen out of love with me?"

your lips part in anguish before you're seizing forward, catching his lips with yours passionately, deeply, making sure to pour every ounce of your love for him into it. he's trying to keep up the act of pouting at you but it's a bit harder with the butterflies and whatnot. he has a feeling you've seen right through him when you give him a look for his blushing cheeks and lazy little half-grin. ___

OKKOTSU YUUTA

wipe his kiss away and he'll just give you another one real quick. because, of course, he wants his kiss to stick to your cheek for the rest of the day so you can carry it with you while he's away from you.

so loverboy kisses you a second time in the same spot. and once again, the back of your hand smears it off.

he frowns, but doesn't say anything. simply leans over a third time and kisses you again. it's difficult to keep yourself from laughing as you repeat your action.

this time, yuuta doubles down. he cups your face and turns your attention towards him so you can see his deep frown and furrowed brows. then he turns your head so your cheek is presented to him once more, and he places a soft kiss there. he can feel your skin heating up in his hands, and then he's smiling, happy to have an effect on you still.

"don't wipe my kiss away," he mumbles, placing another one there for good measure. "makes me feel bad"

you giggle, taking one of his hands in yours and squeezing it affectionately.

"i was only teasing, you know" you tell him.

he lets out a strangled, fake little laugh.

"yeah," he scoffs. "yeah, i knew that" he says, in a not very believable manner.

you try not to laugh too much at him, opting instead to press a sweet kiss to his lips to keep yourself from doing so. ___

INUMAKI TOGE

thinks it's sort of funny when you wipe his kiss off. were his lips too moisturized for your liking? did he smear a little on your cheek? he immediately assumes it's some silly reason like that, not assuming for a second that you could be upset with him.

so when you wipe at your cheek and go back to what you were intently doing without a word or even a second glance, toge's pulling his collar down again...

... and licking your cheek.

"toge!" you scold, wiping the wetness away with the back of your hand. it was annoying, sure, but you can't help but laugh at how proud his little grin is. "what was that for?"

he wipes at his own cheek the way you had previously when you wiped his kiss away. you roll your eyes and huff.

"it was a joke," you explain through a smile. "i was just messing with you, to see what you'd do. i didn't think you'd lick me!"

he brightens then, happy that you hadn't wiped away his kiss for any other reason. when he leans in and kisses your cheek a few more times, he's glad you let him, and you leave them there, too. ___

#satoru brainrot #megumi brainrot #yuuta brainrot #toge brainrot #gojo satoru x reader #fushiguro megumi x reader #okkotsu yuuta x reader #inumaki toge x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader

[ever-siince-new-york]

julien baker calling reader a good girl and being in charge🙏🏻

Julien Baker x f!reader

warnings/tags: fingering, oral (reader!recieving), pet names such as... princess, baby, honey, and good girl ofc 🙄 a lil bit of toxicity and lets say stylistic errors in grammar and perspective 🙏(aka grammarly stop being mad at me i'm not gonna buy premium)

author's note: girl you know i had to. 1.2k words, should take around 15 mins to read. thank y'all so much for the requests! i promise i've seen them all, however i have also gotten back into minecraft after they added the cherry wood so... I'm working on it okay? okay. hope u like it okay bye :0

You promised yourself you wouldn’t do this, not again. But, here you were, scrolling to unblock her contact. You thought there was something about this city: the air or something cliche like that. Something that had you calling Julien again and again. Surely, if it were up to you and your own free will, you wouldn’t be doing this.

The ringing from the other line drowns out any rational thought from this point on.

Ring. You shouldn’t be doing this. Ring. You’ll just get hurt again. Ring. “Hello?”

There was a point where you really believed you would never hear her voice again, never even want to. “Hey,” you said.

“So uh… wh-?” you cut her off.

“Come over,” the last of a six-word phone call.

-

You wanted to slam the door shut as quickly as you’d ripped it open. She was still wearing that stupid necklace. The one you had bought for her at a gas station in… Arizona maybe? Somewhere dry, hot. As you weren’t expecting this cruel reminder of the past, you were thrown off-guard. Clenching your jaw, you didn’t know what to say. Luckily, you didn’t have to.

The way she kissed you that night had you drunk on her from the moment she stepped into your apartment. All your attempts at memorizing her touch, her taste, her smell were in vain. Julien always had a way of making life feel straight out of a movie. It was all teeth and tongue, your mouth surrendering to hers as soon as she tongued at your bottom lip. No memory could ever do her justice.

Her hands danced over the expanse of your body, hands moving from your ribs to your hips, your neck to your breast. Fingertips shaping your body into submission like wet clay.

You broke the kiss, leading her to your bedroom. 

“That’s not very polite, Princess. Not even going to offer me a drink?” Her feigned offense only turned you on more, ever the tease. As if she could read your mind, a smirk tugged at her beautiful lips, “I know, baby. Always so needy for me,” she spoke in a low drawl. 

Any sense of control you had was now gone. You were her’s. Again. So you’d nodded with a soft pout.

“We can fix that, honey. But you need to use your words,” Julien said. This woman would be the death of you. “Please, Jay. I need it,” you whispered.

“Need what, baby?”

“Need you,” you pouted. That seemed to satisfy her as she held out her hand for you to grab with a smile. The two of you stumbled down the hallway, towards the open door to your bedroom. 

She pushed you up against the foot of your bed, reaching down to slip her hands under the hem of your t-shirt, abandoning the article to the floorboards. Her gentle kisses up and down your neck did nothing but add fuel to the burning desire between your hips. Hands danced around your waist while yours were planted into her hair. 

You tugged at her roots in the hope of her diverting her attention to where you had craved her since she flew into town. She pulled her head away to look up at you with expectant eyes.

“What do you say, Princess?”

“Please.” That made her smirk. “Good girl,” she had said. Pressing a kiss to your soft lips, she trailed her way down to the fly of your jeans. Kneeling, she popped open the button and unzipped the fly in mere seconds, clearly as eager as you. 

She slid her hand into your cotton panties, collecting your slick before beginning to circle your clit. Very quickly you migrated from standing to sitting as she continued her ministrations. As you arched your back into her touch, she slipped two of her fingers into your entrance. 

She pressed a sloppy kiss on your inner thigh before putting her mouth on your heat. She curled her fingers and started gently suckling on your clit. Her consistent motions had your mouth open and your tongue gently curled up as you laced your fingers back into her hair. The tug you had delivered to her hair every time she changed what she was doing had her moaning into your pussy, sending reverberations through your wet cunt.

Anyone outside your open window would be able to hear what was going on inside those four walls. The sounds of her fingers plunging in and out of you coupled with the wet kisses she was littering among your core were downright sinful. 

Feeling your walls fluttering around her fingers, she knew you were close. You grunted in offense and frustration when she pulled her mouth away from you, but she quickly mended any hurt feelings with her words.

“I missed having you like this, baby. All needy just for me.” It seemed like her pace began quickening after every phrase, her hunger increasing parallel to yours. The ferocity of her thrusting fingers and her thumb now rubbing at your clit had you stumbling closer to your climax.

“You can do it, Princess. Go ‘head and cum for me, baby.”

You tugged harder and harder on her strands with every pulse of your orgasm, the increasing sting on her scalp had her moaning right along with you. The way you were squeezing and oozing on her fingers as you came down had Julien weak. She pulled her fingers out of you and into your mouth.

“Suck.”

Immediately you obliged, your head too foggy to imagine disobeying. Maybe tasting yourself on her fingers was dirty, but it had happened so many times that it almost felt romantic. To the two of you, experiencing the sensual evidence of your euphoria was just as pure and intimate as a kiss. 

You laid alone atop your sheets for a moment until she returned to you. She had removed most of her own clothes, leaving herself in a pair of boxers and a white t-shirt. She brought the wipes she had grabbed from your bathroom up to your pussy, navigating your folds simply with her memory. A soft furrow settled itself between her brows, displaying her focused state as she cleaned you up.

Once she was satisfied, she crawled up next to you on the bed. Pulling your head to lay on her chest. You looked up at her with wide eyes as she stroked your hair.

“Honestly, I never thought this would happen again,” her hushed voice tugged at your heart. “I know,” you said. “I’m glad that it did,” her inflection made the words sound like a question, but you didn’t answer, preferring the quiet to any unsure, over-thought reply you could give. She sighed gently and gave a soft peck to your forehead, tucking your hair behind your ear. Smiles rested on both of your faces, yours spreading to hers.

It was funny how little you cared in the moment you knew you would come to regret. If you could bottle the pure ecstasy Julien had coaxed out of you, surely you would have good reason not to.

For better or for worse, no one else could ever possibly make you feel the way she did, and for right then, that was enough.

#also thank u 4 fifty notes 🙏 #requests ARE still open it'll just take a minute #pls be specific in requests! it helps with inspo 4 sure #carlena's writings (after dark) #carlena's writings #julien baker smut #boygenius smut #boygenius #julien baker #wlw smut #julien baker x reader #julien baker fanfic

[rogersideup]

｡°✩ ♊︎ The Gemini♊︎ ✩ °｡

Chapter 10

Star Crossed Lover

Series Masterlist

Previous Part: True Romantic Next Part: Promotion

Word Count: 10,607 (I am SO sorry lol)

Warnings: My blog is 18+ only. All minors or blogs without an age in bio will be blocked. Minors DNI. TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of violence, blood, and injury. Allusions and discussion of suicide attempts. Please proceed with caution and and good judgment for your own personal mental health 💞

The drive to your team welcoming at the winery made 45 minutes of highway feel simultaneously far too long yet excruciatingly short.

After what happened in the corridor, you really didn't have much to say. The only words really spoken between you and Steve was you thanking him for getting the car door for you, then him insisting that you played your music.

After a few minutes on the road, Steve stole a few quick glances at you to try and gauge how you were really feeling, but your head was leaned all the way back against the headrest, and your eyes were always either closed or staring absentmindedly on the scenery around you.

He took no offense, in fact, he was glad that you were calm at the very least. Deep down he knew you were always feeling at least a little worse- if not a lot worse than you expressed to anyone. But like always, there was a time and place to address issues. Pulling into a parking spot at the winery and putting his car into park was not the time, nor the place.

Taking a quick peek through his rearview mirror, he could see a few special guests had already arrived, and he could only hope it would help ease the distress you never deserved to have inflicted on you.

Steve turned to you with an empathetic grin tugging at the corners of his lips. "Last chance to run away?"

You turned your head to look at him with a lazy smile, and an unexpected giggle. "I can't run in these shoes."

"If it gets too overwhelming, you know I'll be here. Just tell me, I'll sneak you away for a bit of fresh air." He reminded you.

"You're making me feel like I'm about to be eaten alive" You raised your eyebrow.

Steve shook his head. "No, you're not. I've been on this team for so many years I stopped counting and even I still get overwhelmed by all of them sometimes. Things like this can be a lot even on a perfectly good day."

"I'm guessing I'll relax after a glass of wine or two" You reassured him and yourself. "It'll be like nothing ever happened, nobody even has to know."

That sent red flags raising high in Steve's head. Now he knew for sure you were in worse shape than you were letting on.

"Bug," Steve shot you a serious glare. "You can be sad, it's okay to be sad."

"I'll be sad later." You surrendered. "Right now I'm so happy and honored to be part of such a welcoming and supportive team. We're all going to have a wonderful night, and everything is going to be fine."

"Promise me right now that after this is over you'll cut the bullshit and stop telling me you're fine." Steve held out his pinky to you. All you did was narrow your eyes at him, you knew he could read you like a book far below his intelligence level, and it was equal parts endearing and frustrating. "We both know that's a lie, and we both know there's no reason for you to have to go through any of this alone anymore. We both know this is the beginning of the end of all of your suffering, and should it get worse before it gets better, you have a whole team of people who want to help you and be there for you."

"Fine." With an internal defeat, you wrapped your pinky around his. "I'll be sad later, but only if you get me a glass of wine while I socialize so I don't seem like a bitch for booking it to the bar."

"Great" Steve smiled, shaking your intertwined pinky fingers, locking in the deal. "Pleasure doing business with you."

"This is the worst deal ever." You shook your head with a smile on your face while reaching for the car door handle.

An immediate gasp full of personal offense left Steve faster than you anticipated, and you got ready for the fight you two had nearly every time you got into a car together. "Do not reach for that car door ma'am."

"Twinkles, I have two fully functioning arms and legs. I can open my own car door." You made the same argument you've made a million times before.

"Just because you can, doesn't mean you should." Steve shook his head at you, his face full of disappointment. "Stay right there before I put the child safety lock on the passenger side of the door."

"Logistically, it'll take more time for you to get out, walk around, open my door, wait for me to get out, then close my door than if I were to just get out on my own." You laughed.

“Yeah well, logistically, this reoccurring argument takes a lot of time as well yet you always seem to want to spark it." Steve spoke as he got out of the car, his door closing behind him. Very quickly making his way to you, he opened your door and offered you his arm to help you out. "See, didn't take that long. Look, this is an unpaved parking lot and you're wearing a pretty high heel which means you could've tripped and fallen and broken an ankle, and it would've been all my fault."

"How could you possibly sleep at night?!" You agreed sarcastically as you got out of the car, and he closed the door behind you.

"I never do." Steve noted. "This is why I have insomnia."

"Too many women and too many unpaved parking lots in this world." You agreed, walking with him towards the entrance. "We really need to contact someone about this."

It didn't take long to enter the beautiful outdoor space that was far too big to be reserved just for the team. You immediately felt like you were the main character of a hallmark movie, strings of twinkling lights shined above your head, the grounds were well maintained, full of plants, tables, and even a dreamy gazebo that was also illuminated by strings of lights.

There were candles lit along pathways and atop the standing tables, booths open that served food, and no less than 20 different wine options, and a whole bunch of friendly faces that all started clapping and cheering when you walked in.

Definitely not expecting that much immediate   attention, your cheeks widened into a smile and deepened in color before your hands moved up to hide your face. It only took a few moments before you were brave enough to peak through your fingers to recognize faces you didn't quite expect to be there.

All you expected were the avengers that lived in the compound or near by, but to see faces like Thor, Clint, and even that Spider-Kid who definitely was not 21 and was out passed his bedtime was a pleasant surprise.

Another pleasant surprise was the sweet faces of your mom and dad, sister and brother in law, and a handful of your friends from back home.

Your hands dropped from your face and showed off your full toothy smile and pink cheeks that Steve loved so much it made his heart skip a beat.

It nearly dropped out of his chest and deep into his stomach when you turned to him. "Did you invite them?"

"Of course I did" Steve nodded with a cheeky smile. "I wanted you to feel more comfortable, and you deserve to be celebrated by your family too, not just ours."

Much like earlier in the day when he gave you the suit, your arms flew around him fast and tight. It was shorter this time due to the audience, but Steve still loved it nonetheless. "Thank you so much, you're so sweet."

"You're very welcome" Steve smiled. "I'll go get us some wine like I promised, but I do feel like I need to say hello to your family first considering I've been texting them to arrange this. But I'll be quick!"

"I have so many questions" You raised your eyebrow at him.

"Save them for later!" Steve told you while walking straight towards your parents.

With full trust that nothing chaotic would happen in that interaction, you scanned faces once more and realized Bucky and Nat were missing. You knew why, but it made your happy mood deflate again until Thor was the first of the bunch to walk up and introduce himself.

You made your way through Bruce, Carol, and even said hi to Maria Hill regardless of the fact that you worked with her many times before.

Steve did make it to you with a glass of wine in each of his hands between your interactions with people. "Here you go, Bugs. Not quite sure what this wine is but I told the nice girl at the bar you liked white wine so she poured you her favorite."

"You're the best." Your cheers your glass against his.

"Ugh, I know right?" He agreed sarcastically, drinking down a grin with a sip of red.

Your quick interaction with Steve made your family approach you to celebrate, but he definitely wanted you to have your time alone with them so he slipped away just as fast as he came.

Lots of hugs, lots of chatting, then lots of them pushing you away to go hang out with the Avengers.

Somewhere between Peter Parker and more time with Sam, a quick scan of the crowd had you realizing that now the Avengers were co-mingling with your family and friends. Oh, and Bucky and Natasha finally got there 45 minutes into the actual event.

Lost in conversation with Scott Lang about the most recent episode of that one sitcom he so happened to bring up, a pair of forearms wrapped around you from behind.

You pretty much expected it to be anybody but Natasha, but you were pleasantly surprised that she was already so comfortable with you. "Sorry we're late, but Rogers' mess is cleaned up and you'll never see it again. Also, you look hot in that dress."

There was no chance to thank her or apologize for the mess as she quickly galavanted off into the crowd.

Scott was pulled away from you about 10 minutes later, and your glass became empty of wine. Feeling mildly confident at this point that you had at least introduced yourself and greeted everyone there, you felt comfortable enough to go get a refill on your own.

Another heavy pour and you were back out. Conversation flowed a lot easier than expected between the groups you found yourself in. There was always something to talk about, laughter was a common occurrence, but somehow the mess in the corridor kept seeping into your mind no matter how hard you tried to push it down.

Eventually Bucky found his way to you, and somehow the comfort of one of your best friends helped quiet down all of the unnecessary noise in your brain.

In true Bucky fashion, he approached with plenty of food in hand. Setting a full wood fire pizza on the table, he pushed the whole tray towards you.

"You haven't been eating enough for someone at an event with free food" He noted.

"Hello to you too" You grinned, taking down another big gulp of wine.

"Steve told me you were worried about me." Bucky's face softened.

"I'm always worried about you, that's what friends are for." You agreed with Steve's statement.

"You know what that agent said about me tonight is nothing but water off a ducks back." He reassured you. "But what he said about you is what bothered me. That is what I take personally, and that's what I can't let anyone get away with."

You sighed. "What did you do, Buck?"

"Nat fired him, we both got him on some gnarly lists to ensure he's going to have a hard time finding another job." He explained. "I think Steve did enough damage that the dumbass will probably never reproduce, which is probably a blessing to the next generation. We didn't help him up though, he can figure that out himself."

"Don't you think that's a bit harsh?"

"If it was up to me. I wouldn't have left it at just his balls, but I digress" Bucky shrugged. "I'm really happy you're back, Buggy. I've been smiling all day knowing you're here."

"Well for what's it's worth, I'm sorry people have been saying rude things about you because of me, and I'm happy to be here to hopefully get back on the right foot. I missed you and Steve a lot these past couple of months."

"It's not your fault, so I'm not accepting that apology." Bucky denied. "But I will accept a hug because I missed you too."

"Tough crowd." You grinned before wrapping your arms around him and leaving them there for a while.

Then, he started whispering in your ear. "This was a trap I just wanted to gossip in peace"

You let out an uncontrollable laugh, starting to feel the effects the wine had on you. "What's up? What's the gossip?" You tried to whisper back but it was a little hard to get the words quietly past your smile.

"Has Steve kissed you yet?" Bucky asked in a dramatic whisper.

“No, I don't think he ever will." You denied. "But I just got back last night, give him some grace."

"I don't think he will either. He's really scared of you." He agreed with you. "Do you need me to yell at him for that? Or I can just kind've shove your faces together when I find the opportunity?"

He pulled another laugh from you. "No, it's okay. He's scared, he needs to go at his own pace."

"Have you admitted to yourself that you like him yet?"

"Unfortunately you knew that before I did, but yes, and I told him that too."

"Good, good." Bucky started to pull away from the hug, but your wrapped your arms tighter around him.

"Tell me about you and Nat now" You trapped him.

"Well I'm not a scaredy cat like Steve is so... Girlfriend."

You gasped with a smile and pulled back to observe his face. But it was obvious he wasn't lying to you, so you lit up once more. "I'm so happy for you!"

Raising your hand up for a high five, Bucky hit his metal palm against your hand.

From across the winery and under the gazebo, Steve watched this whole interaction between you and Bucky. He was pleasantly surprised when jealousy never rushed through his veins watching the two of you hug.

Thats when Steve realized how secure he felt with you now. He understood now more than ever that you and Bucky were purely platonic, and it was evident in the way you two looked at and touched each other. In fact, he even felt a sense of warmth and happiness watching you two have a secretive conversation that wasn't so slick. Maybe it would've been a little more discreet had you been a bit more sober, but he found it endearing nonetheless. He found himself feeling hopeful that soon enough the three of you really could smooth over the damage and go back to hanging out together, a notion that once felt impossible.

He was even happier when he saw the both of you take a slice of pizza, cheers, then eat together.

After that, he stopped watching. He was so content knowing that Bucky was keeping an eye on you. Maybe that's where he overestimated his false sense of security, because along with the pizza, Bucky brought you another glass of wine which only meant you were feeling sillier and more socially confident by the second.

At some point Steve fell deep into conversation with your dad, they were getting along so well, in fact, he hadn't even noticed that he spent about a whole hour and a half alone under the fairy light illuminated gazebo with him. They also didn't notice that you were getting along with the team so well it's like you were always part of the little family to begin with.

He didn't catch you and your sister flipping each other off from across the venue as often as you could, he didn't see the way you and Peter made a secret handshake, or even when you exchanged phone numbers with Bruce. He missed Sam making you laugh so hard you nearly peed your pants, then you, Nat, and Wanda disappearing to the bathroom for a solid ten minutes then coming back with your lipstick magically perfect again.

He also missed your fourth glass of wine.

But that was pretty obvious when you walked out of the bathroom and into the social event, scanning the intimate crowd to try and spot anyone to engage in conversation.

Thats when you noticed your mom batting her eyelashes and giggling in a one on one conversation with Tony, while your dad was batting his eyelashes and giggling under the gazebo with Steve.

A bit wobbly on your feet, you walked over to them and held onto the wooden entrance as you stepped up. Both of their attention was drawn to you from their spot on a bench.

You squinted your eyes at your dad. "Hello, Father."

"Daughter" He raised an eyebrow at you.

Steve didn't know where this interaction was about to go, so he observed carefully. 

"Steve, is this strange man bothering you?" You asked him.

Steve laughed as your dad reached over to you and flicked the side of your head, you remained unfazed. "Not in the slightest."

"She's drunk" Your dad told Steve while covering your ears.

"I'm not drunk, I'm silly and perhaps a bit goofy, but I am not drunk." You grabbed your dad's wrists and pulled his hands off your ears. "My sobriety should be the least of your concerns at the moment."

"Why is that?" Your dad asked.

"Tony Stark is flirting with your wife." You pointed to your mom and Tony.

Steve followed your pointed finger and saw that you were actually right, and that made him laugh. "That's really concerning."

Your dad sighed. "So what? I have to fight Iron Man now? You chose to be a superhero and now I have to fight Iron Man for your own Mother?"

"Get used to it." You stuck your tongue out at him.

He stuck his tongue out right back at you before turning to Steve. "Please excuse me, I need to rescue my wife."

"By all means" Steve agreed.

When your dad walked off and you were alone with Steve, you sat down right next to him and pulled his arm around your shoulders before you closed your eyes and rested your head on him.

You didn't see his smile as he pulled you as close as he could and rubbed the top of your arm. "How are you doing?"

"Cold, tired, feet hurt." You mumbled. "Drunk"

"I thought you said you weren't drunk?" Steve quipped happily.

“Well, you're not my dad so you get to know the truth." You snuggled into him. "More truth, you smell really nice, and I just need to sit here for a little while."

A giggle escaped Steve from your confessions. "Are you having fun?"

"More fun than I thought" You nodded. "I'm so warm and fuzzy inside. It's been so long since I've felt happy like this."

That wiped the smile clean off of Steve's face. "I'm so happy that you're happy. It'll keep getting better, I'll make sure of it."

"I wish it could just be like this all the time." The feelings you never talk about spilling out of your mouth. "Life could be so good, and I really love it sometimes. I just don't know how to not take what other people do to me personally. You and Bucky are so good at that."

"You're good at everything you do, and life is about to get so much better for you, sweet girl. I promise."

"I'm trying really hard to believe you." You smiled. "I probably sound sad, but I'm happy right now. 'M always happy when I'm with you."

"You can stay with me however long you want, I'm happy with you too." He squeezed your shoulder.

"How did you guys plan such an elaborate event when nobody even knew if I would agree to be an avenger or if I would even be back at the compound today?" You asked.

"We used magic and our intuition" He said with a smile.

"You are so magical" Your alcohol influenced mind marveled. "And who in my family have you been communicating with because that's so magical"

"Your sister and your mom" Steve giggled at your question. "Your family is very nice and really fun to be around."

"Did my dad tell you embarrassing stories about me?"

"Surprisingly, no he didn't."

"Good, good. Let's keep it that way."

Closing your eyes, you let the wine and Steve's body heat relax all your muscles and wash the tension away. Unsure of how long you had actually been there, there was a point in which you could feel Steve shift to look at an approaching person.

An uncontrollable laugh escaped your intoxicated mind as whoever Steve was looking at sat on the other side of you and snuggled into your body the same way you were snuggled up to Steve, but for some reason you still didn't want to open your eyes.

"Wow, this is lovely" The voice said. It sounded like Sam, but you couldn't be too sure.

"Hey, I want in on this too" Sounded loudly from far away. Footsteps came running, and Maria plopped onto Sam's lap sideways. She kicked her legs over your and Steve's laps.

Slowly but surely, more Avengers, family and friends ended up under the gazebo with you and Steve. The cuddle pile grew with Scott and Nat, and lasted longer than it probably should've.

You were fed enough food by pretty much everyone while you all drunkenly told stories and laughed so hard that your stomach hurt that you eventually sobered up.

Once you were sober again, you realized just how fast time had flown by and were sad to hug your parents goodbye. You're pretty sure your mom hugged and your dad fist-bumped nearly every single person at the event, but that was neither here nor there.

Eventually everyone said goodbye, and by the time you got back into Steve's car it was already almost midnight. And by the time you got home and into Steve's bed, all of your energy was more than depleted. Social battery was in the negative, but you felt like you had been plugged into a high speed charger when he got under the covers next to you.

"How are you feeling?" That seemed to be everyone's favorite question to ask you.

"I kind've feel like you right now" With your eyes closed, your laid on your back with one arm above your head and the other resting over your hoodie on top of your belly.

Steve giggled "what is that supposed to mean?"

"I feel like I'm going to throw up."

"Any particular reason why?"

"I ate too much, drank too much wine. I'm bloated but happy so it's a small price to pay." You explained.

"Well if you're going to throw up, aim in that direction" Steve smiled and pointed in the opposite direction of himself. "Are you still drunk? Do you need some water?"

"No I'm not, I'm okay" Your smile barely ghosted your lips. "Just need some sleep."

Steve reached over and pulled some blankets over your frame before poking your cheek. "Remember what you promised me earlier?"

Your eyes opened to look at him. "I feel better, really. I do."

Steve sighed. "You don't even want to talk about it?"

"What is there to say?" You questioned. "All the same shit, different day. There's nothing I can do about that anymore."

"When this all first started, you were getting sent to my office nearly every day for fighting back, but tonight you kind've froze up. Why?"

"I wasn't expecting anyone to do that to me when I was with you." You answered. "But it's done now, it's fine."

"We both know it's not done" Steve's face softened. "And avoiding it doesn't make it go away."

"Would you like me to rewind time and kick him in the balls instead?"

"No, I just want you to know you can talk to me." Steve emphasized.

"I'm pissed off." You admitted. "I'm always in a state of being angry that this is the environment that I have to learn to thrive in every day, but I've also reached a state of emotional exhaustion that makes me feel like I have no room left to be even more angry than I already am. I've hit max capacity, so I'm choosing to stay as calm as I can because out of all the kicks and punches I've thrown, none of them have worked before. I have no reason to believe it'll work now."

“It's not fair." Steve huffed like kid.

"It never has been." You agreed with a shrug. "But you don't need to hold onto that anger for me. I'm trying to let go of it and move on."

"I'll let go of my anger in the form of making change." Steve told you, now feeling brave enough to pull you close to him.

You snuggled up close, your head on his bicep and your arm holding him gently. "I'm an avenger now. That's all the change I know how to make at the moment."

"I'm so proud of you" he practically whispered. "But I've never met anyone like you before."

"You really need to work on providing context before sentences that might hurt my feelings"

Steve chuckled at your bluntness. "You're telling me that you're happy, but you're also telling me that you're sad. Both of those statements feel genuine, so I don't really know where your mind is."

"Well then imagine how complex and confusing it is to be me" You emphasized. "Never in my whole life have I felt more alone while also feeling more loved than ever. I'm happy and sad, I just accomplished something most people never will by becoming an avenger yet I've also never felt more like a loser. This is the first time I've ever been relentlessly bullied but it's also the first time I've ever been a superhero so I guess the juxtaposition of my emotions is just turning my brain into scrambled eggs."

"Have you tried compartmentalization?" Steve offered with a grain of salt.

"I tried that once, I think I created too many emotional categories and got overwhelmed." You smiled. "But I'm a Gemini, so these complexities have been written in the stars for me since the moment I was brought onto the earth. I think I was born for the very purpose of the universe testing to see if overwhelming contradictory emotions could physically kill a human being."

"One of my greater purposes in life is to protect people against the things that could kill them, so you're in good hands right now." Steve slowly rubbed your back. "Overwhelm will not be your cause of death. Actually, nothing will be. I'm trying to convince Banner to make clones of us to be kept in cryofreeze that way when we die of old age, new versions of us can just be thawed out so we can be best friends forever."

"Spoken like a true cancer" You laughed, patting his chest. "Did I uphold my end of the promise?"

"We can call it even, but I'll always be concerned"

"Even Stevens!" You sleepily enthused.

"Are you rhyming or was that a reference to something?" You could hear his amusement.

"Both, you're a little too old to understand that one."

"That's really rude" Steve faked offense.

"Thanks for coming to my rescue, Twinkles. I know you think you didn't do much, but it means a lot to me when I know I have someone on my team."

"I'll always be on your team, you've always been worth the fight." Steve reminded you.

Those words comforted you enough to ignore your very full stomach and fall into a deep sleep in the hold of your favorite soldier's big protective arms. Unfortunately the universe loved to hate you, because you only got your share of the superhero until about 4am when his phone started ringing effectively waking both of you up.

A few curse words slipped out of his mouth in complaint before he reached for his phone and answered it. You didn't pay much attention to the phone call itself, but you did find it within your lack of  consciousness to move nearly your entire body onto his in attempt to keep him forever. Snuggling into him belly to belly, his hand found the back of your head and played with your hair as you slipped in and out of sleep.

By the time the phone call ended, you had effectively caged him between the mattress and your body. Realizing what you had done, Steve's cheeks burned as he let out a sigh.

"You can't go." You sleepily mumbled.

"You and I both know I don't really have any say in that." Steve reminded you apologetically.

"Says who? We all have free will."

"Unfortunately, the president of the United States. Apparently he requested to meet me for an urgent conversation about something that's happening somewhere." Steve explained.

"Damnit." You yawned. "I think the president has me beat in importance."

"I think the two of you are pretty equal in importance." Steve pondered. "The only difference is that people might die if I don't get out of bed."

"My soul will die if you get up, but it's fine, I understand." You joked dramatically.

"You're making it very hard for me" Steve complained, wrapping his arms around your back and squeezing you gently.

"If you're hard that's all the more reason to stay in bed." You joked, knowing damn well Steve wouldn't take a naughty joke like that very well.

And you were right, because the gasp that left his mouth was immediate and visceral. You didn't need to look at his face to know his cheeks were flushed pink and red hot. Your laugh was also pretty immediate and visceral as he used his body to flip you over onto the bed and propped himself up on his arm to lean over you. Pointing a finger at you like a dog, he had one word to say. "Bad!"

You laughed even harder as he shook his head at you. "I'm going to get up and get ready to meet the president, you stay here and think about what you just said."

Laying in bed alone, Steve eventually came to say goodbye to you. It was always sad to let each other go, but also an often occurrence. But this time he was hesitant to leave, of course you both knew why. Last night wouldn't be a one time event, but he encouraged you to stay close to Bucky, Nat and Sam as often as you could, and emphasized that there would be no timeline to his departure so he didn't know when he would be back. He also made it clear that should you need to defend yourself, you should do so with no hesitation.

Luckily, all was pretty smooth for a while. Your friendship with Nat bloomed faster than you'd ever expect it would, so for the first week Steve was gone the two of you were practically attached at the hip. Nat and Bucky spent a whole day helping you move from your old apartment up into the Avengers sector. Though it felt a bit pointless moving within the same building, the team felt better about keeping a protective eye on you when you weren't floors away from them. It was a nice change of pace to have a sense of community around you again.

The second week that Steve was gone, you tried to focus on building individual friendships with the team members outside of your little social circle. Your therapist also encouraged you to try and be brave enough to walk through the compound with a confident attitude so nobody would fuck with you, so you tried a few times on your own, a few times were nothing more than anxiety inducing, and a few times got you confronted with hostility which lead to 3 more agents getting fired by Natasha.

By the third week you finally got a phone call from Steve. It was nice to hear his voice and catch up and hear about what he had been up to for all this time, and it was especially nice to hear that he was wrapping up his work and he would be home soon. That same day you got to visit Jane and Luca over lunch at one of your favorite restaurants, then they helped you pick out a few new things for your new apartment.

Most kids acted as if a home store was cruel and unusual, but Luca was very opinionated about rugs and throw pillows. He even convinced you to get a new pair of sneakers at the clothing store he wanted to go to across the street from the compound.

Lots of therapy, lots of solo workouts, lots of team building, you were starting to feel mentally and physically stronger.

Strong enough to keep walking alone, and pushing forward no matter how hard it was.

When Steve landed on the runway after 3 whole weeks and a handful of days of being gone, he was so relieved to be back home. Without even making it off the jet he was already fantasizing about shaving the beard he unintentionally grew after forgetting his razor at home, a long shower and a long nap since it was only early in the afternoon and definitely not bedtime yet.

His fantasies continued as he stepped off the jet and into the building. Now he knew he wanted to see you before he knocked out for that nap he desperately needed. There would be some snacks at some point, and definitely no pants after the got out of the shower.

The sound of his boots on the sleek floor actually brought him joy knowing each step was one closer to you.

Like most fantasies, what he hoped and dreamed of was far from reality. Especially when a loud alarm sounded in the sector of the compound he was headed towards.

Stopping in his tracks and cringing at the sound, he waited for the code and location to be called out before springing into action. It could've been as simple as a knocked over vial in the lab, or complex as an invasion of an enemy. But when the code called out for aggressive physical conflict in the gym, Steve's heart sank and he started running as fast as he could.

He didn't want to believe it was you, but he couldn't be naive either. His racing heart and even faster legs carried him there faster than anyone else could. As he entered the doorway into the compound gym, he could hear the footsteps of a few sets of feet trailing behind him, but waiting for others arrival wouldn't slow him down.

Especially not when he entered the gym and it was completely empty besides two people, his heart sank even further when he recognized it was you, and the number on the back of the uniform of the other person was 212. Harvey.

No less than a billion racing thoughts came sped through Steve's mind, and none of the billion came together to form any good ideas. He swore all he saw was a blinding white and all he heard was his own heart beat in his ears as he sprinted through the equipment to get to where the altercation was happening.

The two of you looked like a cartoon before he went into fully protective mode. As he weaved through punching bags and stair climbers, he couldn't pick out where your body started and Harvey's ended. There might as well have been a big dust cloud around you, with puffs of air pluming out.

The consequences of putting himself in the middle of a fight wasn't even a thought in Steve's mind as he jumped over a treadmill and wrapped his arms around your waist from behind and tried to pull you backwards, far away from Harvey.

Unfortunately, you were a little too preoccupied trying to save your own life to notice the alarm was sounding or that anyone was coming to save you, let alone Steve who you didn't even know was home yet. Assuming it was another attacker, one of Harvey's buddies helping him take you down, you forcefully thrashed and kicked yourself out of the Steve's grip. Adrenaline clouded your judgement, flight was nowhere to be seen as fight took over your every thought, you turned around and swung your fist right at him to earn yourself more time to knock Harvey down. You know you made pretty harsh contact considering there was a shooting pain buzzing through your knuckles, but at this point there was pain jolting through nearly every part of your body, so this wasn't going to slow you down.

Still not realizing what you had done, you watched Natasha sprint into the room and full body tackle Harvey to the ground, followed by a few other commanding officers, Sam, and Bucky. Trusting their ability to deal with Harvey and not let him touch you again, you turned back around to deal with whoever else was.

Fist balled, ready for a second swing, you looked up at the targets face, and devastation immediately took over the whole of your emotions. Steve blocked your punch and caught your wrist mid swing.

"Hey hey hey, it's me. It's just me" Steve frantically tried to get you to stop.

"Oh my god" You whispered to yourself as you realized you punched Steve right on his cheekbone, hard enough a bruise was already forming.

He watched you come to the realization of what you had done, your wrist was shaking in his hand, even more so as he loosened his grip and gently placed your arm down to your side.

You looked battered and bruised, but when he looked back at Harvey, it was clear that you had won this fight.

Looking at your wide eyes, he could tell you were in shock, and coming down from the copious amount of adrenaline coursing through your veins. He knew all too well what that felt like. Guilt, shame, the full effects of pain from the injuries sustained, the tremors and how weak your knees and thighs would get. He's been in your position far too many times before, he knew it was the worst feeling in the world.

Especially when your cheek was oozing blood, your arms were scraped up and bruised. Steve could tell the fight started with an unfair advantage.

Then, tears started pooling in your eyes as you looked at Steve's face and you opened your mouth but no words would come out.

"It's okay." Steve told you, very slowly reaching out to put his hands on your shoulders trying to snap your brain out of fight mode. "You're okay."

A tear fell down your cheek and your eyebrows furrowed before you muttered a quiet. "I'm so sorry."

"You didn't know" Steve shook his head. "You were just trying to protect yourself. You're okay, buggy."

You looked over your shoulder and saw Harvey on the ground. His face was a lot bloodier than yours. With eyes swollen shut and his nose definitely not in its usual form, you felt like a monster.

A sob escaped your throat, and your shaky hand flew up to cover your mouth before your eyes squeezed shut. "What did I do?"

"Everything is going to be fine." Steve reminded you, pulling your attention back to him.

His bruised face only made your sobs escape faster and your heart pound even faster. "I'm so sorry, Steve, I-I didn't mean to. I didn't know it was you."

"I know you didn't, you didn't even know I was home." Steve reasoned with you. "It's okay, just take some deep breaths for me."

You shook your head, still panting from the physical exertion. "I can't."

"You can't?" He questioned.

"I have to go." You took a big step backwards, Steve's arms fell back to his sides.

More concern than Steve ever thought was humanly possible took over his mind. "Where do you need to go?"

"I don't know." You sobbed. "I just need to go. I'm sorry"

Another two scared steps backwards, then you bolted out of the gym. Steve started making strides towards you, fully prepared to follow you but Sam approached him and stuck his arm out.

"You have to let her go on her own." Hand flat to Steve's chest, he stopped him. "She needs time to calm down and come to terms with what just happened. Trust that if she needs something, she will call you."

Steve's shoulders deflated. He wanted to go help, convince you to see a medic and have an emergency meeting with your therapist, but he also knew Sam was probably right.

With a big deep breath, Steve assessed the state of the gym. Realizing one of the treadmills was still on and going, he reached over the machine to stop it. Then a few commands slipped through his mouth while trying to organize his own brain.

He needed the security camera footage of the incident, he needed the alarm to stop, he needed a lab clean up crew to get rid of all the blood on the gym floor, and he needed Harvey handcuffed to the hospital bed he was bound to end up in. He was too tired to do any of that on his own, but luckily others were eager to get this taken care of too.

Just as he was no longer needed, Bucky approached and squeezed his shoulder.

"What's that thing on your face?" Bucky's nose scrunched up.

"She got me on accid-"

"I'm not talking about the bruise. I didn't even know you were capable of growing a beard" Bucky commented.

Narrowing his eyes, Steve glared at Bucky. "I forgot my razor."

"Respectfully," Bucky stated looking him up and down. "You look like shit, Pal."

"Thanks, Buck." Steve sarcastically smiled. He knew he looked disheveled and tired.

"Really, I think 66 more years of sleep would look good on you." He backhandedly tapped Steve's chest. "Go take a nap."

"I don't think I'll be able to sleep after she ran off like that." Steve sighed.

"We'll take care of her." Bucky reassured him. "We can always wake you up if need be, but her and Nat have grown really close. She has a lot of people in her court."

After about 10 more minutes of arguing with Bucky, he decided to just let him win under the conditions that he would keep him updated when he found out any new information.

Steve showered, shaved, and put on sweatpants and a shirt before getting into bed. He didn't want to wear pants, but he did it for your sake, just in case you came to find him. Realizing it had been about an hour since the incident, he tried calling you just to see if you would pick up, but he wasn't shocked when you didn't. So he sent you a text letting you know he was here for you when you were ready, then tried his hardest to get his mind to calm down enough to fall asleep.

It took an unfortunately short amount of time, as the second he laid down sleep hit him harder than your fist against his face, and he knocked out for so long that he woke up to the sound of his phone ringing, and it was now pitched black in his bedroom.

"Hello?" Steve mumbled into his phone.

"Jesus Christ, good morning sleeping beauty." Bucky said.

"Weren't you the one who told me to get some sleep?" Steve poked.

"Not important, glad you're back from the dead. I have some updates for you. Are you awake enough to process the words I'm speaking to you"

“I will be once I'm filled with rage over this situation again. What's up?"

"The security footage was recovered and I finally got to see it. It's enough evidence to land Harvey in jail for assault, so that's what Natasha is currently perusing."

Steve sat up in bed and reached for the lamp on the bedside table, blinking his eyes to adjust as it clicked on. "What happened?"

"She was alone in the gym, running on the treadmill and minding her own business. 212 saw her in there on her own, snuck in through the back door and yanked her off the treadmill. Her foot slipped off the end of the machine so he pushed her forward and scraped her face and arms against the moving belt, which is why she was bleeding. He was screaming some things at her but none of it is very clear. He tried kicking her a few times but she was able to get up and try to push him off of her, he persisted and she got fed up after he managed to get a swing at her collar bone and kicked her chin. She just... started swinging at him and didn't stop until you and Nat got them away from each other." Bucky explained.

"If this video can get him in jail, that would be great. But it can't be used if it's incriminating against her. We can't have that happen." Steve sighed.

"If anything, it's proof of self defense. You know Nat would never let anything bad happen to her. None of us would." Bucky reminded Steve. "It looked really painful on her end though. She ended up going to medical, but they released her a couple hours ago. JARVIS is telling me she's hanging out on the roof."

"Think I should go up there?" Steve asked, swinging his legs over the side of the bed, already knowing the answer.

"Well I don't necessarily think she should be alone for much longer."

"I'll talk to you later then."

The call ended and Steve stood in front of the mirror to fix his hair, while trying his hardest to ignore how tender and swollen his cheek was now. Before making it up to the private roof access, Bucky sent him the video and it took everything out of him to not kill Harvey with his own two hands. But a deep breathing exercise helped him regulate his anger again.

When he got up there and made it to the top, he saw you laying beneath the stars on a blanket with your headphones on, quietly crying to yourself and hoping that the moon understood your pain.

You noticed Steve immediately, and took your headphones off before sitting up as he quietly sat down next you. Trying your hardest to be brave, your lip wobbled trying to contain the new wave of emotion you felt. No words needed to be exchanged as you gently reached up and cupped his bruised cheek into your palm. There was a physical pain blossoming in your chest as he wrapped you up into his arms, but butterflies fluttered in his stomach as you let one of your arms keep him close, and your hand stayed over his cheek.

You cried tucked into his neck for a little while as he rubbed your back and simply let you feel your feelings. After a little while he heard your small broken voice.

"I'm so sorry." You apologized again, bravely pulling away and moving your hand to inspect the damage you did to his face. "Are you okay? Does it hurt?"

"It's okay, Bugs. I'm fine. It was a dumb move on my part to grab you like that, if I was you I would've punched me too." Steve responded sincerely, taking in the burn-like scabs on your face down near your jaw. "Are you okay?"

"Could've been a lot worse." You nodded with a sniffle, really trying to convince yourself that you were okay. "I don't remember what happened, it all happened so fast I can't even recall specifics. I got scared and didn't want to hurt anyone else so I ran. I'm still trying to come down from that."

"I saw footage from the security camera, it wasn't good, Bug." Steve broke the news to you softly. "You did what you needed to do, and it was all within reason. There mere fact that you walked away with a few scrapes and bruises is a miracle."

"Did he sneak up on me?" You asked, Steve simply nodded in return with a sympathetic look on his face. "That's what I thought must've happened, that's also probably why I punched you so hard."

"If you need to see the video to help you process, I'll show it to you. But right now, I think it's best to just try and wind down."

In agreement, you made yourself comfortable next to Steve. You sat sideways nearly on his lap, with your legs thrown over his. His arm pulled you into his torso, and you rested your head onto your shoulder. Steve noticed your tiny winces as you adjusted to the new found pain and soreness in your body, but he tried his best to avoid all the spots he knew were injured.

“You saw a doctor right? Is everything okay?" He questioned, genuinely concerned.

You nodded. "Everything is pretty surface level, but apparently being slammed onto some heady gym equipment can bruise a rib."

"Bruised ribs are so painful" Steve's face scrunched up. "You're one tough cookie."

"I'm sorry this is what you came home to after being away for so long."

Steve was looking at you, admiring the way you looked under the moonlight, yet you couldn't keep your eyes off the stars. "I wish you didn't feel the need to apologize for things that aren't your fault."

"I'm working on that, and I don't anymore for most people. But for you? A million apologies wouldn't be enough. You're too sweet for this kind of nonsense."

"You are too, but out of all people you should know that I understand." Steve stressed. "In a lot of ways, we're very similar, Bug. I know what it feels like to be in the position you're in right now. You don't need to explain anything or apologize to me. I get it."

You tried to understand his words, but you really didn't. For a moment, you almost got upset with him for implying that anyone would treat him the way you've been treated around the compound. Steve was one of the most respected people in the world, you could barely earn the respect of a new hire agent. "I don't see anyone rushing to try and physically harm you for going on a run." You wiped tears from under your eyes.

"No, maybe not here." Steve agreed with you. "But way back when I first got the serum, I struggled really hard to earn respect from anyone around me."

"I have to admit, it's hard to imagine anyone disrespecting you."

Steve grinned and carefully brushed a few stray strands of hair away from your eyes. "I went from a 90 pound asthmatic who didn't have the strength to complete one push up to a human science experiment. I proved myself the very moment after I got the serum and it still wasn't enough for a lot of people. Thats why I was paraded around on that USO tour for so long, nobody thought I could handle fighting a war."

"You looked really cute in those booty shorts" you sniffled.

Steve chuckled at your statement. "Stop making me laugh when I'm trying to teach you a valuable lesson."

"I'd rather jump off this roof than not make you laugh" you smiled despite the contradictory tears.

"The point of this conversation is actually to make sure you don't jump off the roof." Steve informed you.

Your eyes moved from the stars to his eyes, they were both as equally beautiful and bright. "Is that what you're worried about? I would never-"

"Quite honestly, yeah, I am." He cautiously continued with a slight nod. "We see a more on a daily basis than anyone should see in their whole life, that alone is grounds for struggle but when you factor in everything else, I don't think that concern is far off."

Your tears fell faster at his statement. As a sad sob slipped past your throat and your eyes found the sky once more, Steve's heart broke knowing he hit the nail on the head. He also knew you wouldn't open up if you felt defensive about it, so he needed to take the scenic route to get you there.

"What's your favorite part about the stars?" Steve asked. "You seem to love looking at the sky when you're sad."

"Looking for constellations helps me stay calm and get out of my head" You explain with a sniffle. "They're hard to see in the city but it's better here upstate."

Steve looked up. "It's amazing to me that you can find constellations. All I see is each individual star."

You pointed at the brightest light. "That's Saturn, and these stars right below it make up the Aquarius constellation."

"It's crazy that the universe is so vast."

"That's another reason why I like the stars so much. With so much happening out there, it's a good reminder that everything down here is so tiny and insignificant in the grand scheme of the universe. Sometimes that makes me feel like I can keep going strong, like one day none of this will even matter."

"You really believe in astrology? I go back and forth. The stars are so far away, I struggle to understand how they can control so much of who we are." Steve pondered.

"I do believe in it." You nodded. "The moon controls our oceans, the tide is physical proof. Our bodies are made up of 60% water, and all of the other elements we're made up of were formed in the stars over the course of billions of years. It's hard for me to believe they don't have a say in what's going on down here."

"I've never thought of it that way." Steve grinned. "It's really magical when you put it like that."

"Maybe you're made up of more stardust than the average human considering your eyes seem to twinkle like they're already up in space." You noted. "It's magical, but it's also equally devastating to feel like the bad parts of your life are written into the stars."

"We need the not so great stuff to help us understand how amazing the good stuff is. Can't see the stars if the sun is out." For some reason, his perspective brought you comfort. It felt like the hug he kept you wrapped up in. "Maybe that's always why I've thought so highly of you. Despite the darkness you've continued to show excellence, and shine brighter than the rest."

"Then maybe I'm a supernova because sometimes I really do feel like I'm going to explode." You giggled at your own realization.

"Even then you'd still shine a million times brighter than the sun!" Steve enthused, big smile on his face. "But don't explode, black holes are terrifying."

"I won't. That's why I came up here. Avengers only access, don't have to worry about anybody else or the damn sprinklers."

"When I was in the Army, drawing was my version of looking at the stars. It was the only way I could really get my mind to quiet down." Steve explained. "Back then, I was miserable. All the army men hated me, I had recently lost my mom, and I thought I killed Bucky. The war was so horrific I didn't think I'd ever be able to recover from what I had to do or what I had to see, and I felt even worse for the innocent lives taken in the whole ordeal. So, when I knew that I could end it... I did."

"You're a hero because of it." You agreed, feeling a bit confused by his words.

"No, you don't understand." Steve denied. "The plane crash that got me stuck in the ice? I could've gotten out. There was a chance for me to jump out of the plane, but I didn't. I didn't see the point."

Your heart sank at the implication of what he was confessing to you, and all it wanted to make you do is just hold him tight and weep forever. But you knew that wasn't the point, you knew you just needed to keep listening.

"I can't say that I regret it, because had that never happened I would've never gotten to enjoy living a life I never imagined, and I would've never met you, or the Avengers." He explained. "But it made my life far more complicated, and at least once a day I imagine what my life would've been like had I just gotten myself to safety, and that imagining- the 'what's ifs?' is something I'd never wish upon anyone. I do know how you feel, and much like you know the moon controls the ocean, I know things will get better. All you need to do is believe it."

Your eyes momentarily squeezed shut to rid them of the tears blurring your vision. They dripped down your cheeks as you shook your head, and his brave vulnerability made you realize that you always loved him, but in this moment you had fully and irrevocably had fallen for him. It was as if there was no more questions in your mind, you couldn't even understand anymore why you hadn't been with him way before this whole mess. It consumed every single one of your emotions, you simply couldn't ignore it anymore.

"I would never, Rogers, never." You confirmed with a cry. "I can't lie, I've been pushed to thinking about it, but it made me realize that I couldn't do that to you, my parents, Luca. Nobody. I love you so much, and I really hate to hear that, but I'm really glad you're here."

"Maybe this is what was written in the stars." Steve reached his hand up and used his thumb to gently swipe tears off your cheeks. "Maybe all of this was meant to happen so that this moment, right now could teach you that no matter what happens, you'll always have people to catch you at the bottom should you feel like you have nowhere else to go."

"Or maybe the lesson is that the idea of our existences happening at the same time is so unlikely that we have no choice but to listen to the universe." You said quietly, almost coming to that realization in real time. "Maybe you were always meant to be mine."

Steve's heart nearly pounded out of his chest as you spoke those words, then, as you looked up at him and closed the distance between your lips, he felt like a supernova too. He was burning hotter and brighter than ever before when your soft lips connected to his, his chest was mere seconds away from exploding when you pulled away to examine his shocked face.

Trying to process what had just happened, the sound of your giggles at his twinkling eyes and blushed cheeks grounded him and pulled him right back down to earth.

"Wait hold on..." Steve clutched his chest.

"Are you going to throw up?" You asked, wiping the last of your tears off your face as your smile took over.

"I think I need to sit down." He stated, finally making eye contact with you.

Your laugh boomed once again. "You're already sitting!"

"Okay, then I need to lay down." He said, readjusting to lay down on your blanket.

Your smile persisted as you laid down next to him. Shoulder to shoulder, arm to arm, your hands intertwined. "This is better than you throwing up."

"Wait..." Steve spoke, looking up at the moon.

You turned your head to look at him. "What?"

"Again" He insisted, turning his head towards you too.

It took a lot of effort to contain your smile enough to kiss him, but you did, and it felt just as right as the first time. Keeping it short and sweet, it didn't take long for Steve to point to the stars.

"I like these bitches, they're being very nice to me right now" He smiled.

Admitting to how hard you laughed at his statement would simply be too embarrassing, but it was hard enough to yell at him for further irritating your bruised rib. "Now you can't get mad at me for calling you Twinkles."

"You can call me whatever you want, Love Bug."

Butterflies in your stomach erupted in flutters at his choice of nickname. "A cancer and a Gemini, who would've thought?"

Steve shrugged. "It works."

"What now?" You asked with a sigh, you didn't know if you were asking Steve or the stars.

"You fight your ass off in a trial against Harvey, you help us out in an investigation on him and everyone that's been tormenting you, you continue doing what you're amazing at, and you keep that beautiful smile on your face because all of this is about to change." Steve explained. "This was the fuel we needed to start a fire around the compound. It's enough to light the whole place up and change the status quo. By the end of it, it's going to improve the lives of every agent in the program, that's my vow to you."

All his words sounded appealing and genuine enough to believe them.

"Pinky promise?" You raised your pinky on the hand that wasn't already holding his.

"Pinky promise" He connected his pinky with yours, then kissed the back of his hand... then your forehead... then your lips.

He knew confidently, now more than ever, that his love for you transcended time and space. The laws of life, love, nature, and even the stars never applied to the connection you two shared.

Maybe it was fate, or maybe it was coincidence that the boy born in 1918 had a chance to fall so deeply in love with a girl who didn't live in the same era as him.

Or maybe everything did happen for a reason. Maybe your life was already mapped out in the stars, and all you had to do was find the right constellations.

You would always have infinite questions about the intricacies of the universe, but out of all the answers you are confident in, you knew two things for certain.

Steve was your North Star. So long as you had him to guide you, you always knew you'd be on the correct path. You'd always get where you needed to go, and he would always be there for you regardless of what season of life you were in.

He was your star crossed lover.

Next Part: Promotion

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[skz317cb97]

Why Does it Hurt

Lee Felix x Female reader

Word count: 6.7k (it's like 5.7k of ouch)

Synopsis: When your soulmate Felix can feel everything you feel he wonders, why does it always hurt?

A/N: 18+ ONLY! A bunch of you said you wanted this one to hurt so.... here you go! 😅 I'm loving the polls and everything with this and slowly announcing who's what soul link, so fun! Anyway! If you like this one give it a reblog, like, comment, hit up my asks! I always love hearing from you guys! As always warnings and smut below the cut!

Warnings: 18+ONLY MDNI! Cursing/strong language, elements of abuse, violence, imprisonment, death threats, attempted murder(strangulation), mentions of panic attacks, if any of these things can be triggering please skip this one. Oral (m&f receiving), unprotected piv sex (use condoms please), MC's first time, cum shot. I think that's it it's pretty vanilla as far as smut goes. If i missed anything please let me know and I'll add it, I would feel awful if someone read something that upset them. So if you see something I'll add it asap!

Just like most everyone else on the planet, when Felix turned eighteen, he went to a specialist and found out what his soul link was. It was different for everybody. For some it was a mark or a name, others it was a shared talent or eye color maybe. For Felix it was feelings. Mostly emotions, occasionally he would feel physical feelings and it seemed to vary in intensity depending how far he was from you.  

Felix had no idea who you were, no one did really. You had been locked up, a prisoner in your grandfather's house since your parents passed. He was not pleased when he had to take in his orphaned granddaughter so his displeasure was taken out on you with verbal and often physical attacks. Felix felt the desperation and overwhelming sadness that encompassed your life and would fall into long bouts of depression. His family and friends worried about him but there was nothing anyone could do. There was no way for anyone to know who you were or how to find you. It went on like that, days, months, years. Felix learned to deal with the pain but it was never ending. Why did it always hurt? 

Felix’s twenty-first birthday was coming up; he was excited to hang out and relax. His friend Chan had rented an air b&b in a quiet neighborhood close to the beach and invited their six other best friends. All of them planned to surf, swim and relax for the next five days, bonfires, drinks, and plenty of good food with good friends, Felix was ready. The day the guys pulled up to the air b&b Felix was feeling your emotions more intensely than he ever had.  

He tried to just focus on all the fun they were about to have and push that sadness down for now, process it later, right now just... live. When Felix grabbed his bag out of the back hatch his heart started fluttering then racing. It wasn’t his heart though it was yours. God it was intense you had to be close, you must live in one of these houses by the beach. He hoped to meet you while he was there if you did. When Felix turned to walk towards the house he happened to glance over at the neighbors and saw a girl that looked to be around their age peeking out at him and the guys from an attic window. He gave a small smile and waved. When you realized Felix could see you, your eyes went wide and you ducked out of the window. Chan was walking by just then too. 

“Did you see that?” Chan raised his eyebrows and shook his head no. 

“See what?” Felix pointed over to the house. 

“The girl that was in that top window.”  

“We just got here Lix, you’re seeing girls already?” Chan laughed and Felix rolled his eyes giving him a mocking half hearted chuckle.  

“Har har har. You’re so funny dad.” Chan feigned offense 

“I’m not that old!” Felix shrugged laughing and carried his stuff inside. Maybe you were shy, Felix thought. He decided when he saw you outside, he’d try to say hi so that you knew him and the other guys were friendly. Maybe you’d want to come over for a bonfire. He’d say hello and he’d invite you, just as soon as he saw you outside. That night the guys decided to take it easy and just have a gaming night. Felix was watching the match Changbin and Jisung were playing when he felt part of his face start to sting, as if someone had slapped him, hard. 

“Ow fuck!” His swearing caught Chan’s attention. 

“What’s wrong? You okay?” He felt it again, pins and needles on the other side of his face now. 

“Ah fuck my face hurts!” Seungmin laughed not realizing what was going on. 

“Imagine how we feel having to look at it all the time.” A few of the guys laughed and focused back on the game while Chan made sure Felix was okay. Felix felt a pain in his leg, his backside and then his back and then it all seemed to stop. Tears welled up in Felix’s eyes and Chan was worried. 

“Are you okay Lix what’s wrong? Does it still hurt?” A tear rolled down his cheek. 

“It always hurts. Why does it always hurt?! She doesn’t ever feel joy or love, it’s always pain, it’s always suffering. She’s the love of my life and I can’t help her.” Chan had never seen Felix so worked up and they had been friends since elementary school. Felix had never felt it all so strongly. Tears were streaking his face and he was sniffling. The other guys stopped playing the game and huddled around him to comfort him. Felix had a big heart, anyone that knew him knew that. So for the person that he was meant to love for the rest of his life to be in pain and suffering constantly, it chipped away at Felix’s heart. Once everything was calm again Felix wiped his face with his long sleeve and the guys got back to their game. 

“I’m gonna get a little air Channie hyung. I’ll just be out back.” Chan nodded. Felix got up and made his way towards the back door. He stood out on the porch breathing in the cool ocean air, looking up at the clear night sky, hundreds and thousands more stars than you could see in the city. He glanced over at the attic window he’d seen you in earlier that day and saw a candle flickering from inside and then noticed your head poked up, peeking out at him. You quickly ducked away and then the candlelight went out. Shortly after, Felix rejoined the others inside. 

Earlier in the day while you sat in your prison cell that was the attic, you had heard a little commotion outside, then you heard a couple of men’s voices. You weren’t supposed to go near the windows, you knew that, but you were curious, it was usually pretty quiet there, which is exactly why your grandfather liked it. Against your better judgement you walked over to the window and looked over at the house next door. When you did you saw eight men, probably around your age, maybe a little older, carrying things into the house. There was one in particular that pulled at you like a magnet. He was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen, not that you’d seen many beautiful things in your life. Your heart fluttered then started pounding. Then as if he knew you were there, he stopped and looked right up at you, it surprised you and you froze. The softest, warmest smile spread on his face and he waved at you. You quickly backed away from the window but the damage was done. Your grandfather had his cameras set up all over that house, inside and out. There was no way he would miss the innocent little wave that man next door had given you.  

Later that night when your grandfather came home from work you knew you were in for it. You could hear him coming up the stairs. Big boots clunking as he stomped up each one. When he walked in you immediately started to apologize hoping that it might spare you a little pain. It did not, your grandfather didn’t say a thing he back handed you across the face, he slapped you a few more times before you fell down on your flat sleeping mat crying.  

“You’re going to learn one of these days what happens if you don’t follow my rules.” He pulled off his belt and started slapping you with it hard, wherever it landed, your legs, your ass, your back. He threw it at you out of breath. 

“Next time I’ll hang you with it do you understand?” You cowered and nodded that you did. He picked up his belt and stomped back out. You laid there crying in the candlelight, the only light you were permitted to have. You knew it was best to just fall asleep as quickly as possible. He wouldn’t be bringing you food tonight, not when he beat you, never after you had been punished. You heard someone walk outside next door. You crawled over, the burning welts the belt left still intense and painful. You just peeked over your windowsill this time and you saw him again, the pretty blonde man with freckles and the smile of an angel. He looked over, it was like he could tell when you were looking at him. You quickly crawled back away before he waved or anything that might upset your grandfather again. You curled back up on your mat and blew out your candle. You closed your eyes and hoped to dream of a life where you and the cute, freckled guy next door might meet and fall in love.  

The next day the guys all went dashing out of the back door of the house and out onto the beach whooping and hollering. They were ready for a little sand and surfing. Felix again couldn’t help but look up at the neighbor's attic window to see if he could see you again, he paused a moment before he dashed off with his board under his arm to catch up with his friends. You had seen him looking. You were smart enough to stand back from the window this time. You could see him but he couldn’t see you, or so you thought. Felix actually did see you but he didn’t want to frighten you away again. So he ran and caught up with the guys as his heart raced. You watched as the sweet blonde boy caught wave after wave with his friends, wishing you could be out there too. Laying in the sand, splashing the water at friends. Even though you were raised in that house most of your life, if you could even call it raising, the last time you had been at the beach was before your parents had died.  

You were only six when you and your parents were in a horrible car crash. Somehow you had survived with bumps and bruises while the wreck killed both of your parents almost instantly. Then you were sent to live with your grandfather, the only family you had left in the world, who locked you in the attic and told everyone else that you had died in the same crash as your parents. He would feed you once a day twice if you were lucky and only let you out once a day to go to the bathroom and shower. There were rules as well and if you didn’t follow them there was hell to pay. No leaving the attic, no making any noise, no going near the windows, only speak when told to and a slew of others. Sometime around your eighteenth birthday every now and then you’d feel a little light inside your heart. Your grandfather did all he could to extinguish it and he did a very good job of it. Eventually you couldn’t feel the light inside anymore but something about the tanned freckled guy next door made that light shine a bit again. 

Since you were hidden from the world you had never been told about soulmates or what your soul link was, so you didn’t know that little light in your heart was Felix. You didn’t know that anytime your sadness felt overwhelming he’d think of all the happy wonderful things about life, things that he loved and just hoped you could feel it as he pushed all those good feelings towards you. No matter how much he put into it, his whole heart usually, it only came through as the little light. 

The next day the guys all piled into the car and left for a local spot to have lunch. When they got back the old neighbor lady on the other side of their air b&b was out gardening. When she saw the eight handsome men pile out of the car she smiled and stood up to greet them, wiping dirt off her hands on her apron. After introductions and a little small talk the old lady mentioned something about the other surrounding neighbors being nice as well and then Felix remembered the girl in the window, he had seen you a couple of times now and he was curious about you. 

“Oh yea! Speaking of neighbors, what’s the name of the girl next door on the other side of us? Around our age? I was gonna invite her over to a bon fire but she seems kind of shy and I haven’t seen her outside...” The old neighbor lady looked at Felix like he was stupid.  

“Old Herb’s place? Ain’t no girl living in that house. Only girl it coulda been woulda been his granddaughter y/n, she’d be around you boys age now, but she died in a car wreck with her folks quite a way back.” Felix nodded. 

“My mistake.” Felix and the guys excused themselves and went on about their goal for the rest of the day, more surfing. Felix was confused. He was positive he’d seen a young woman in that house, he had waved at you. He didn’t just imagine that. Every time they went to the beach now Felix glanced up at the window. Every time he did his heart started to beat out of his chest. Every day that passed you knew was a day closer to the man with the freckles and his friends leaving and every day you felt like it was a day closer to the end for you.  

You don’t know what came over you. You rummaged through some boxes your grandfather stored up in the attic with you, another rule, no touching his things. You had to do it. You went through and managed to find a piece of chalk and a chunk of some old map or something. You didn’t care, you had to do it. Your handwriting was atrocious and your spelling awful but you wrote a short message and then folded and tossed it into the neighbor's yard praying your grandfather didn’t catch it on the cameras. You had to do it, if not now, then you never would and how long would your grandfather really be willing to keep you? It had been fifteen years. The beatings were getting worse and the death threats came more often it was only a matter of time before he really killed you. You had to do it. 

Felix and Changbin were playing frisbee in the back yard while some of the other guys played video games. It was the last day there; they would be leaving tomorrow afternoon. Felix had looked up at your attic window countless times, he didn’t know why. You weren’t ever there anymore and he started to wonder if he had just dreamed you up. Changbin put a little too much wrist into his toss and the frisbee sailed over the house to the side yard. 

“I got it!” Felix ran around the side of the house and grabbed the plastic disc. He was just about to turn and run back when he noticed what looked like a piece of trash on the ground. When he picked it up he realized it was folded. He opened the tattered piece of paper and saw what looked like a note scribbled by a child. It was hard to read, pryzner atick. He ran back around the house and showed Changbin. 

“What does this say?” Changbin looked at it. 

“I dunno man it’s just some kid’s scribbles it doesn’t say anything.” Felix shook his head, he’d found it under your window. 

“No this says something.” Changbin shrugged and Felix ran off to ask Chan what he thought. Chan was looking over the scrap of paper when everyone heard your grandfather's truck fly up and skid to a stop in the gravel driveway. He’d seen you toss the note. You were absolutely terrified and Felix could feel every bit of it. 

“Oh my god!” Felix finally put it together. He was an idiot for not realizing sooner. Chan was waiting as Felix processed. 

“What? What’s wrong?!” Felix looked at Chan with tears in his eyes. 

“She’s terrified. He’s gonna kill her.” Chan was confused. 

“Who?!”  

“The girl next door!” Now Chan was even more confused. The old lady had said there was no girl. 

“How do you know?!” Felix gripped Chan’s shoulders tightly. 

“Because she’s my fucking soulmate!” Felix ran out of the house and Chan and a few of the other guys ran after him trying to stop him. Your grandfather had seen you toss the note and he was going to do exactly what he told you he would if you stepped out of line again. You could hear his heavy boots as he skipped steps on his way up to the attic, the sound of his belt already being removed. You cowered in a corner. You had to do it. Your grandfather kicked the attic door in and you screamed. 

“You shut your fucking mouth! You did this! You brought this down on yourself!” He picked you up easily, of course he did, you were malnourished and weak from never getting any sun or exercise. You tried to fight him but it was like a twig hitting an oak, it did nothing. He wrapped his belt around your neck and slid it back into the buckle pulling it tight around your neck, cutting off your air. He held you out in front of him and you grasped at the belt trying to loosen it but couldn’t, your own weight was drawing it tighter around your throat. You could see the vignette of darkness starting to cloud your vision, you knew death was coming. You weren’t scared anymore, you were relieved. Maybe you would finally get some peace. 

Felix burst into the neighbor’s house and started looking for stairs as Chan rushed in after him, telling the other’s to stay behind. Felix rushed around a corner and there they were. He started dashing up them, Chan tried to keep up but Felix was too fast. He was right on his heels when Felix finally made it up the stairs to the attic. The door was kicked off the hinges. Felix ran in, Chan right after him and both saw your grandfather strangling you with a belt. 

“Hey! Put her the fuck down NOW!” Your grandfather spun around surprised to find two of the young men from next door standing there. He dropped you and you started gasping for air. Your grandfather may have been strong enough to overpower you but up against two fit men, in their twenties, with six more a call away, he knew he couldn’t take them. Instead, he ran between them and fled. Chan called 911 as your grandfather jumped into his truck and sped off again. The other guys had no idea what was going on so none of them attempted to stop him.  

“Hey man! Where’s our friends!?” He peeled away kicking up rocks. Felix ran over to you and gently lifted your head and took the belt off from around your neck. You were weak, still gasping for air, struggling to breathe. Felix was terrified he was too late, he checked your pulse on your wrist, avoiding touching your neck, and it was faint. He started talking to you. Trying to keep you awake. 

“Hey hey, uhm, I’m Felix, and uhm...” He tried to fight back his tears. 

“I’m gonna take care of you alright? You’re gonna be okay... okay?” Felix nodded as he failed to keep his tears from falling. They streaked his freckled cheeks and you wished you were strong enough to wipe them away. You could hear the sirens approaching but you were so tired. You just wanted to rest your eyes. 

“Hey hey HEY! STAY AWAKE! DON’T GO TO SLEEP! PLEASE!” You wanted to listen but you just couldn’t. You closed your eyes and everything was dark, quiet, peaceful. 

You woke up in a bright white room. It smelled clean, completely different than the musty attic you’d lived in for so long. You squinted and tried to focus your vision, but it was difficult between the pain in your head and the bright lights. You finally managed to open your eyes and the first thing you did was try to scan the room. You tried to move your head but couldn’t and winced in pain sucking air in through your teeth. The sound woke up whoever was in the room with you. A tired, deep, grumbly man’s voice came from your right. 

“y/n?” He walked to where you could see him and you realized it was the freckled man from next door. 

“Wha-whe-” Your voice barely came out. It was horse and hurt to talk. 

“Don’t try to talk yet. Everything is okay now. I’m gonna get a nurse and let them know you’re awake. I’ll be right back.” Felix ran out of the room excited to see your beautiful eyes open again, he’d been so afraid he never would. When Felix walked back in so did a nurse and a doctor.  They asked you some yes and no questions and you would point at your answer on a clip board. After they left you motioned to Felix asking what happened, you only remembered your grandfather coming into your room and then everything was black. Felix pulled his chair up by you. 

“After I found the note you tossed out the window and your grandpa came home I realized what it said. Prisoner attic.” Felix didn’t say anything about soulmates right then, there would be plenty of time for that later and he didn’t want to confuse you. 

“When me and my friend ran into the attic we found him...” Felix hesitated, it was a hard memory for him surely it would be for you too but when he looked at you, you mimed choking and Felix nodded. 

“Yea we found him strangling you. He dropped you and ran off but it didn’t take police long to find him. He’s in jail, there’s still a trial but he’ll be there for the rest of his life no doubt in my mind.” You tried to nod forgetting that you had a neck brace on and winced a little. Felix instinctively grabbed your hand and you gently squeezed it. You took your other hand and pointed at him. You mouthed the word name. 

“Oh! Yea, sorry. I’m Felix.” It wasn’t a very conventional way to meet your soulmate but that was the first day of forever for the two of you. After a few days the neck brace came off, a couple of weeks and your larynx was healed enough to start talking. You were severally malnourished, hadn’t had direct sunlight in fifteen years, didn’t move anymore than you could around the attic. There was a lot healthwise that needed addressed a number were things you’d probably deal with for the rest of your life. Felix was with you every step of the way. After you started getting better he explained the whole soulmate thing. You’d never even known soulmates were a thing. Then you remembered that little light that would shine in your heart and you knew then that it had always been Felix in your heart. 

Once your health issues had all been addressed and stabilized and the doctors deemed you strong enough to leave the hospital you weren’t sure what was next. You were twenty-one, pretty much illiterate, you knew nothing about the world or how to survive in it. You stood on the sidewalk thinking of all the challenges still to come when Felix pulled up in his car. He got out and opened your door. You slid into the passenger seat and then Felix ran around getting back in the driver’s seat. He looked at you and gave you his megawatt smile. 

“Let’s go home.” Home. You didn’t know what that was. The place that you had lived for practically your whole life was only a prison. You would never call it home. Home was Felix. Wherever he was that was home. The day you were released from the hospital was the day that you started living with Felix. He was insistent on taking things slowly. 

“We have our whole lives, so let’s crawl before we run, okay?” You nodded and were secretly thankful he was so patient and willing to move slowly, you knew absolutely nothing about each other and you knew nothing about being in any kind of relationship let alone a romantic one. Felix helped you with everything. You would have panic attacks from what you went through but also from the thought of how endlessly massive the world was outside of that attic. Felix taught you pressure points and tricks to ground yourself when you felt out of control. He enrolled you into some night courses so you could learn to read and write and helped you with flash cards and studying. From there you started taking math classes, history, and so on. Before long you were taking high school level classes and by the time you were twenty-three you had earned your GED all with Felix by your side cheering you on. He didn’t want you to be dependent on him in the world, he wanted you to feel independent, like you could do it on your own if you had to. You never would, Felix would always be there for you but he felt like it was important for you to be able to do things on your own. Felix was insanely proud of you and couldn’t believe how strong you were.  

When you had moved into his place he insisted on you staying in a room of your own. You had never had a room of your own. Some nights it was hard to sleep on the soft bed and you’d curl up with your blanket on the floor. Mornings Felix found you like that broke his heart. He’d let you sleep in those days because it usually meant you hadn’t gotten much rest. You had lived with Felix for almost two years when you got your GED. In that time you guys had taken baby steps in your relationship. The first time you and Felix kissed it was because you kissed him. You could tell that he wanted to kiss you and you really wanted to kiss him so you leaned over on the couch while you watched tv together and pressed your lips against his. He’d been surprised at first but then kissed you back. You both had butterflies. 

Felix walked into the apartment the two of you shared together now. He found you in the kitchen washing up some dishes. He walked over and kissed your cheek and you leaned into it, into his warmth. 

“Sorry I’m so late.” You shook your head. It didn’t matter, all that mattered was he was home. He was home, your home. You turned and kissed him on the lips nibbling his bottom one, making him laugh. 

“What’s gotten into you? Hmm?” You just shook your head and pecked his lips once more. 

“Okay, whatever you say. I’m gonna shower, need the bathroom before?” You shook your head no. 

“No Lixie, go enjoy your shower.” He cupped your cheek and you closed your eyes. The warmth was like how it felt when the sun warmed your cheeks on a spring day. When you opened your eyes again you found his endless brown eyes memorizing the flecks of colors in yours. He cupped your other cheek, leaned in and kissed you then pulled a breath away. 

“I love you y/n.” Your eyes shot open. Neither of you had ever said the L word. You were certain that you felt it, at least you thought you did. When Felix said it though you knew, without a doubt that you loved him too. He saved you, took you in. Felix had done far more for you in two years than your grandfather ever did in fifteen. You could never repay him and he would never expect you to. 

“I love you too Felix.” He smiled and bit his lip. 

“Okay, shower.” You nodded smiling too and he ran off to take his shower. When Felix got out of the shower he wrapped his towel around himself and went to his room. He was surprised to find you sitting in there on his bed in your robe. 

“Oh! Hey, uh... do you need something?” You didn’t say anything, you walked towards him and put your arms around his shoulders. 

“Wha-” You kissed his lips cutting him off and he was more than a little surprised when your tongue started prodding asking for entry into his mouth. He turned his head and opened his mouth allowing you to kiss him deeper. You two had only ever made out two times and both times Felix made you stop not wanting to take things too fast. It had been two years and you were madly in love with this man. You didn’t want to wait any longer. 

“Felix?” He hummed as you kissed down his jaw and neck.  

“I want you...” He hummed again lost in the feeling of your lips on his skin. 

“You want me to what?” He asked his brain only working at half capacity. You giggled. 

“I want you to touch me.” He pulled back and looked at you before shaking his head. 

“We don’t hav-” You cut him off. 

“I want you to make love to me Felix, I want it. I know we don’t have to but I want to...” You started getting a little teary eyed. 

“Don’t you?” Oh that broke Felix’s heart. He didn’t want you to think he didn’t want you. He’s wanted you since the moment he saw you. 

“Of course jagiya of course! I just... I want you to be sure. You’re sure?” You nodded. 

“Yes Felix I’m sure. You’re the man that saved me. My soulmate. I love you so much Felix.” He wrapped his arms around you. 

“I love you too.” His lips were against yours and things got heated quickly, teeth biting, tongues battling for dominance that no one could win. You pulled the tie of your robe loose and dropped it, you were completely naked underneath. Felix had never seen you without clothes on. The scars left from the beatings your grandfather gave you were still very visible. Tears welled up in Felix’s eyes and you ran your fingers through his hair. 

“It’s okay Lixie, it doesn’t hurt anymore.” He laid you back on his bed and started kissing every scar. Your body started tingling and it was throbbing between your legs, making you want to press them together. Felix hovered over your aching core. 

“Is this okay?” You nodded biting your lip. You weren’t sure what he was going to do but you trusted Felix. He gently parted your legs and then licked you. You jumped not expecting the warm wet feeling of his tongue against you like that but it felt amazing. 

“Oh!” He looked up to make sure you were still okay. You nodded and he continued. He softly flicked his tongue across your clit and it made your body buzz. You were getting a little breathy. You still had episodes with your breathing from time to time and Felix started to worry that maybe you were having one. He stopped and sat up a bit. You groaned at the loss of contact and looked down. 

“Why’d you stop?” He just giggled once he realized you were okay and went back to savoring you slow and steady until you felt your impending orgasm crash into you. Your legs trembled as Felix continued to softly run his tongue through your glistening folds. 

“F-Felix... oh... oh god.” You panted out. You gently pushed against his head, starting to get sensitive and Felix pulled away, climbing back up your body and kissing your lips. When he pulled away you let out a deep breath and started laughing from all the endorphins your orgasm had released.  

“Wow! I didn’t know anything felt like that.” Felix smiled. He’d seen you have a lot of firsts but your first orgasm was a thing of beauty. He was so hard under his towel there was no way you didn’t notice. You ran your hands up and down his sides.  

“Tell me how to do that for you.” Felix looked at you surprised. 

“Are you sure?” You nodded. You wanted to make him feel what you just felt. It was earth shattering in the best ways. He took one of your hands and ran it down his firm body until you were cupping his hard cock over his towel. He let out a breath, even the slight contact felt amazing. He rolled off of you and laid back on the bed, the towel tented by his painfully hard dick. You sat up and kneeled between his legs like he’d done to you. You pulled at the tucked in part of the towel and let it fall open exposing Felix to you entirely. He was so beautiful, every piece of him, every inch, every freckle, every sparkle in his eye, gorgeous. 

“Lick your palm and then wrap your fingers around it.” You did as Felix said and licked your palm, wetting it then grabbed a hold of his cock gently. He hissed a little and you were worried you had hurt him. He bit his lip and tilted his head back and you realized it wasn’t that it hurt it was that it felt good. Once he could lift his head again he told you what to do next. 

“Move your hand up and down now...” You moved your hand slowly and he let out a low moan that made you throb between your legs again. You went with your gut, you leaned forward and licked him like he’d licked you. 

“Oh god yes, do that again please...” You licked it again and again Felix hummed. 

“Mmmyou can put it in your mouth... if you want, if not the licking and your hand is enough, it feels so good jagi.” If putting his dick in your mouth felt even better you were doing it. You wanted to make him feel as good as he made you feel, you wanted to make him cum. You put the tip in and softly sucked on it unsure of what else to do, but it was kind of like a popsicle so you treated it like one. The way Felix’s breath quickened you must have been doing it right. You pulled off and kept moving your hand up and down. 

“Like that?” He nodded quickly. 

“Yes! Oh fuck yes! Suck just like that and see if you can go down more.” You put his tip back in your mouth and fit more of him inside sucking. 

“Yes y/n god that feels so good. Now just go up and down.” He gathered your hair so he could look down and see you as you started bobbing up and down. The more those little sounds came from Felix the more you wanted to push him to the edge. You went faster and took more of his cock, spit dripping down his shaft that you used to stroke what you couldn’t fit. Felix’s stomach sunk in and out with his deep breaths. 

“I’m gonna cum y/n, just stroke me, I don’t want to cum in your mouth” You appreciated the warning, you weren’t sure if you were ready for all that just yet. You pulled off of him and stroked him faster. 

“Pucker your lips and rub the tip on it jagiya.” You did what he said, stroking him as you rubbed the sensitive tip against your lips. He suddenly grabbed his dick and pulled it away from your face as he started coming. He moaned and panted as you ran your hands up and down his thighs while he stroked his cock and shook through his orgasm. When he was all together again, he took his towel and wiped the cum off his belly and hand and then tossed it in his dirty bin. Felix crawled back into bed over you again laying you back, smiling, glowing post orgasm. 

“Baby that was...” You were blushing and smiling. 

“It was okay?” He chuckled a little at just how sweet you were. The guys always thought he was so sweet, he had nothing on you. 

“It was way more than okay jagi, that was amazing.” Your smile grew and you pulled him down for a kiss. You two made out like that for a bit and then Felix’s hand started to trace down your body. 

“I’m gonna put my fingers inside you so that I don’t hurt you okay?” You nodded. Felix alternated between kissing you and sucking on your nipples as he eased his fingers into you and started to stretch you a bit. It felt strange, not painful, just different. You and Felix laid in bed and made out like that for a while. When Felix added teasing your clit to fingering you it suddenly felt really good. The wetter you got the harder Felix got and only once he made you cum again did he crawl between your legs, kneeling. His hands ran up and down your body as you came down from your second orgasm. Once Felix knew you were back with him he smiled and leaned down to kiss you.  

“I’m gonna put it in but I won’t hurt you.” You nodded. 

“You never have.” Felix kissed you tenderly. 

“And I never will jagiya.” He slowly started to push his tip inside you. Once he had he stopped and let you get used to the feeling of something so big inside you. It didn’t hurt, kind of like when he first put his fingers inside you, it was different. After a minute he pushed in a little more. Slowly he pushed in and waited and pushed in and waited until he was fully inside you. You felt so full, it felt so good. 

“Felix...” He looked down at you worried you may be in some discomfort. As soon as he saw your blissed out face any anxiety he was feeling about hurting you disappeared. He slowly pulled out and pushed in. 

“Yes, yes, more please...” He did it again faster and again. He started a slow rhythm burying himself deep inside you every now and then. You could feel that rubber band in you stretching ready to snap again at any moment. You weren’t sure how long it lasted, you weren’t sure where your body started and Felix’s stopped, hell you weren’t even sure what day it was anymore, you just knew that the third orgasm you had that night was by far the best feeling of your entire existence. Felix started thrusting faster reaching for his climax, he could feel it. 

“I’m g-gonna pull out, c-can I cum on you this time?” You moaned as you still shook through your orgasm. 

“Yes Lixie, do it, cum on me.” Felix choked out a moan, he pulled out stroking his cock as he came. You could feel warm cum landing on your skin and it surprisingly felt really good. Once he took a second to get his bearings, he quickly grabbed his towel again and wiped his cum off of you. He tossed it in the bin again and this time when he got into bed with you, he pulled you close and pulled the blankets over you both. You turned in his arms and started tracing his freckles. He scrunched his nose, his deep laugh resonating inside you. You nuzzled up against Felix, his slow deep breaths pulling you to sleep. When you were somewhere between sleep and awake you softly spoke against his skin. 

“It doesn’t hurt anymore.” 

Please do not repost or translate any of my works. My blog and stories are NSFW and 18+ ONLY! Minors, ageless, and blank blogs will be blocked!

@acciocriativity @caroline-ds-world @chansynie @ughbehavior @jquellen27 @jisuperboard @fixation-dump @lachinitaaaaa @rinrinndou @bangchans-angel @laylasbunbunny @owo-manii-uwu @armystay89 @b00dyguts @purplenimsicle @caticorn61 @lauraneuuh @channieandhisgoonsquad @minnysproutgriffinteddy @svintsandghosts @the-sweetest-rose @alice630 @3rachasninja @m0ri-apeuda @eastleighsblog @linoification @mlink64 @smally97 @fun-fanfics @chansducky10 @starfire21 @cessixja @siewoon

#stray kids smut #skz smut #lee felix smut #lee felix yongbok smut #yongbok smut #skz317cb97 #cal 🖤 #skz317cb97 soulmate au series #tw: violence #tw: abuse

[dfortrafalgar]

I'm Losing You... (But We're Filling the Cracks)

Having a family isn't always as easy as fairy tales make it seem.

Warnings: read chapter 1 for warnings

Taglist: @phsycochan | @mirillua | @augustanna | @chaixsherlock | @whore-of-many-hot-men

Interlude

[Prev] [Next]

Law hated change.

Even the slightest shift in his day-to-day routine had him crawling into his protective shell of a mind, keeping him away from any potential harm.  If the weather app on his phone predicted wind gusts of 19 miles per hour, and they ended up being 20, that was enough to ruin his day.

Needless to say, he was not enthused by the new addition to the study group he had formed with Shachi, Penguin, and Penguin’s girlfriend Ikkaku.  He had arrived at the usual study room about 15 minutes before his friends did, as was his usual routine.  He enjoyed the fleeting time spent alone to organize his classwork as well as his racing thoughts.  He couldn’t do that with a new pair of eyes staring at him, also having arrived early.  At first, he thought that you were using the study room by yourself for a different reason, unaware that it was rented out for the next hour and a half.

“Who are you?” he asked, dry and monotone.  The average person would have probably taken great offense to his offputting and sour demeanor.

With skeptical confusion, you stated your name.  “I’m Ikkaku’s roommate, I take the same class as you guys, just a different section,” you explained.  

Law’s jaw clenched.  So much for his assumption that you had no affiliation with any of his personal connections.  “Who invited you?”

You cocked one of your eyebrows.  “Ikkaku.”

Figures.  “Why?”

“... Because I’m taking the same class and wanted to join a study group?” you offered, seriously growing skeptical.  “Do you have a problem with that?  Do you want me to fork over a down payment for your time or something?”

Law’s eyes narrowed at your attitude.  “I don’t appreciate the lip.”

“And I don’t appreciate your exclusion from a study group,” you stated back, matching his energy.  “If you really don’t want me here, then I’ll leave.  But I really don’t see what the problem is.”

Law wanted to tell you to leave.  He wanted to tell you to never come back to this study room during his specifically designated hours, effectively closing his life off from you for good.  He had no room for new relationships.  He had his two friends from childhood, and that was all he needed.  He was even reluctant to bring in Penguin’s girlfriend, but the desperate man pestered until Law couldn’t stand his moping anymore.  Just as the black-haired man was about to open his mouth and bark at you to get out of his room, a firm hand smacked the back of his shoulder.

“Hey, Law!  I’m a bit early, so I grabbed some snacks from the cafeteria.  You know, some brain food.”  Shachi pushed past him, slapping a granola bar into his chest.  “Oh, hey!  You decided to join us!”

Clearly, you were already familiar with Shachi, much to Law’s chagrin.  You nodded excitedly as the redhead took off his pointed shades and plopped his small backpack down next to your seat, rummaging through his mess of disorganized papers and taking out his class materials for their study session.

“I’m excited to finally have a group to study with, I’ve been struggling in this class,” you added, smiling brightly at the man next to you.  You tossed a sour side eye towards Law who still stood frozen in the doorway.  “I hope I won’t be too much of an issue for you guys.”

Now you were playing dirty.

His thoughts were once again interrupted, though, as Penguin pushed his way through the heavy private room’s door with Ikkaku in tow, who quickly plopped herself next to you, pulling out her phone and talking about a meme she saw earlier that she couldn’t wait to show you.

Law was officially trapped in this predicament.  There was nothing he could do but sit down at the end of the table and deal with the cards he had been dealt.

—

About a week had passed since you joined Law’s thrice-a-week study group, and for the most part, you had kept to yourself.  It seemed you were either genuinely anxious over Law’s distasteful attitude towards you, or you just couldn’t care enough to give him the time of day.  Whatever it was, the human health sciences and biology undergrad was more than pleased to not have to speak to you.

Until you sat across from him at his small, solitary table in the corner of the south campus dining hall.

“Before you say anything,” you began, shrugging off the angry glare he shot your way.  Law was a bit taken aback by how… anxious you looked.  “There’s a guy that’s been following me around all day.  I’m starting to get kind of scared and you’re the only person here right now that I’m vaguely familiar with.”

Law felt his eyebrows crease.  “Following you?”

You anxiously unpacked your small lunch box, removing a tupperware full of what appeared to be some form of leftovers.  “He asked me out a few days ago and I rejected him… and he hasn’t stopped lowkey stalking me since.  Yesterday, he tried to get into my dorm building.”

The black-haired student’s golden eyes darted around the open dining hall, searching for anyone who appeared even slightly suspicious.  “Do you know where he is right now?”

“In the lunch line, I think.”

It was then that Law spotted a gangly-looking student, a few inches shorter than himself and fairly unkempt, step out of the lunch line with a metal tray sporting a single dry apple and freezer wrapped peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  The kid tossed a few analytical glaces around the dining hall before his eyes landed on Law’s, followed by the back of your head.

“Found him,” Law muttered.

Your shoulders visibly stiffened.  Something in his chest clenched.

The imposing student began clearing the dining hall with long, desperate strides, his eyes growing angrier the closer he got to you.  He slammed his tray down on the table, rattling your’s and Law’s lunches.  The motion made you flinch and you instinctively moved further against the wall.

“Why are you running away from me?” the stranger growled.

You kept your mouth shut, awkwardly pushing your leftovers around your tupperware with your fork.

The biology student cleared his throat.  “Can I help you?”

“This is none of your business, prick,” the kid spat, grabbing an empty chair from nearby and swinging it over so he could be seated directly next to you.  “Did you block my phone number?  All I wanted to do was talk.”

Law didn’t know what came over him.  He didn’t like you, and frankly, he wanted nothing to do with your business.  But the sight of your harasser’s distasteful language and threatening posture towards you as you appeared to be shrinking into your clothes made something snap in Law’s head.  With one smooth motion, he yanked the metal lunch tray off of the table, sending it to the ground with a large clattering noise that made you jump in surprise, alerting students at nearby tables and turning all the attention toward him.  A few nearby conversations halted, surprised by the sudden clamor.

“I’d appreciate it if you could leave my girlfriend alone,” he spat.  He had officially lost control of his life.

The kid finally turned his attention away from you.  “What?”

“You heard me.”

You anxiously darted your eyes up toward Law, frazzled by the suddenness of his statement.  He shot you a look that made you keep your lips sealed.

“You didn’t tell me you were dating someone,” the kid suddenly turned back toward you.

“It’s none of your business,” you shot back, finally recovering from your frightened demeanor and pushing yourself further into the wall, backing away from the kid.  You had an inkling of what Law was trying to convey with his words.  Portray you as taken to get the man threatening you to finally back off, and give you a sense of comfort and protection that you didn’t actually have.  The thought made your heart swell.

Law finally stood from his seat, towering over your harasser.  “Leave.  Us.  Alone.”

The kid stood up as well, attempting to square off with the taller boy, but Law’s threatening glare and the shadow cast over his eyes by his shaggy black bangs did numbers for the stranger’s withering self confidence.  With a huff, he bent down, snatched his tray and food from the ground, and stalked off.  Conversations at nearby tables finally resumed, students pleased to be able to go about the rest of their lunches without any sort of commotion.  When Law sat back down, he found himself surprised at how pleased he was when your shoulders slumped with relief.

“I’m so sorry to have dragged you into that…” you muttered, closing your tupperware.  You had officially lost any and all appetite.  “I don’t normally get scared when I’m followed, but…”

Law shrugged, filling in the silence of your words trailing off.  “It’s fine.”  He didn’t miss the way your gaze anxiously turned to look behind you, watching as the kid dumped his uneaten food in the trash and sulked out of the building into the mid-autumn chill.  “You can stay here if you want.”  His voice left his lips before his brain could fight back against his words.

You stared at him, wide-eyed.  “Are you… sure?”  To say you weren’t expecting his suddenly cordial behavior was an understatement.  Just a week ago he was treating you like the dirt under his shoe, ruining his day with the inconvenience of your presence.  “You’re not having a brain aneurysm or something, right?  Or some tumor?”

The black-haired man snorted.  “Not that I know of.”

With a swelling in your chest, you dug through your lunch box and pulled out a smaller snack, something to at least tide you over until your appetite hopefully returned.  The two of you fell into a somewhat comfortable silence as Law picked through his meal, flipping through a small textbook.  He was eating some kind of orzo dish, taking small bites out of a metal spoon.  It was then you finally zoned in on the tattoos on his hands.  The backs of his hands had an interesting four-pronged cross design, and the ends of each finger spelled out the words ‘DEATH.’  You had seen him in a t-shirt at the last study group meeting, where you learned he also had matching tattoos on each forearm.  The low-hanging collar of his cotton shirt had also revealed hints of a chest piece.

“Do you mind if I ask you something?” you spoke up, keeping your voice fairly quiet.

Law tore his eyes away from his textbook.  “Yeah?”

“Shachi told me you want to be a medical student, right?” you asked, keeping your eyes trained on his lanky fingers rather than his face.

“What about it?” he asked, slowly growing impatient.

“Do you think having ‘DEATH’ spelled out on your fingers will make it harder for you to become a doctor?”

Law paused.  He had only had that fleeting thought once or twice since getting his hands inked when he was 18.  Shachi and Penguin had begged him to reconsider, stating adamantly that they wouldn’t trust a doctor who had ‘DEATH’ quite literally on his hands, but he had gone through with it anyway.  “I sure hope not,” was all he replied with.

His words made a small smile break out onto your lips.  “I think I’d trust a doctor who had ‘DEATH’ written on his hands.  At least it would make more sense if he killed me.”

Something in Law’s mind flipped at that moment.  The way that small grin tugged on your lips followed by your cheeky words made his chest flutter in a way he had never experienced before.  He stared at you as you turned your attention back to your snack, pulling your phone out of the back pocket of your jeans, idly swiping through it while you ate.  He turned his attention back to his textbook, trying once more to focus on his studies.  His eyes darted from the words on the page to the letters inked into his fingers.

He suddenly wanted to see that smile much more often.

#x reader #reader insert #fem reader #law x reader #trafalgar law x reader #one piece x reader #op x reader #trafalgar d water law x reader #trafalgar d water law #trafalgar law #i'm losing you

[novelcain]

Heyo, I have a bit of a prompt for ya. So I’ve seen the “Demon that wants to abduct and forcibly marry Reader,” post(s) and raise a “The local regent/king finds Reader attractive (in a way that he views her almost like a novelty than as a whole person) and offers her a position as a concubine/ ‘palace lady.’” This is a different kind of scenario because straight up murdering the king of the area is not exactly the option that’d let the journey continue smoothly and refusal could also be construed as an offense to the king, but Reader does not want to and needs to continue with them on the journey. All of the other disciples know this, and maybe can tell she’s uncomfortable (even if it’s before Wukong has really fallen for Reader, she is still someone he would consider to be his friend at the very least). How are they going to get out of this one? (Slightly inspired by the time Tripitaka was propositioned in the Kingdom of Women by the Empress.)

Ps: sorry if this is dumb, regardless, I hope you have a good day - 🌺 anon

King: So what do you say, girl? Will you become my concubine? I see no possible reason for you to say no! I can give you all you could ever ask for in exchange for serving my every whim! That seems like a wonderful deal for a woman like you that clearly comes from nothing.

Reader:

Wukong:

Sandy:

Pigsy:

Ao Lie:

Reader: Wha-What?

Tripitaka: N-Now wait just a minute, your Majesty. You c-can't simply expect her to drop everything and stay here-

King: Well of course I can! I am the king of these lands! In fact! I insist upon it! Woman, you shall stay here and serve your new king immediately as soon as you are cleaned.

Reader: *feeling a panic attack approaching as the room starts to spin*

Wukong: *holding back the urge to commit violent murder*

Sandy: *rethinking this whole "pacifism" thing*

Pigsy: *looking disgusted at the king*

Ao Lie: *wondering if anyone would notice if he turned back into a dragon and ate the king*

Tripitaka: *trying so hard to think of a peaceful solution while also trying not to cry over how much the king is objectifying Reader* Y-You can't just h-have her! She's a necessary part of our pilgrimage!

King: By the Heavens! She's just one woman how valuable could she be!? After all, she is just your maidservant is she not!?

Tripitaka: *remembering that is the disguise they came up with for her* Yes, b-but! Why must you have her, great King!?

King: Because I have never seen a woman like her before! She is a beautiful foreign flower that I simply must have for myself! Here! I shall be merciful and send you off with another servant!

King: *gestures to his guards to find a servant*

Wukong: *reaches toward his ear for his staff*

Sandy: *reaches for his spade*

Pigsy: *reaches for his rake*

Ao Lie: *gets ready to turn into a dragon*

Tripitaka: *frozen in shock*

Reader: *sees the carnage about to begin*

Reader: I HAVE A DISEASE!

Everyone: *stops and turns to face her* HUH?!

Reader: I... have a disease.

King: *narrows eyes in suspension* And what is the name of this disease?

Reader: *sweats nervously as all knowledge of every disease she knows of decides to take a vacation from her brain at the one moment she needs it most*

Reader: In... junct... co... itis.... Injunctcoitis.

Everyone:

King: I have never heard of this Injunctcoitis. *turns to the court physician*

Court physician: Neither have I, your Majesty.

Reader: It's a northern disease! From the north! Where I'm from!

King: *looks at court physician*

Court physician: It is possible, your Majesty. *approaches Reader starts inspecting her* And what are the symptoms?

Reader: Oh, w-women don't have any symptoms. *takes a deep breath and composes herself* But for men it makes their dick fall off.

Everyone: IT WHAT!?!?!?!

Reader: Yep! After two months, yo dick just gonna... fall off. And it's a sexually transmitted disease.

King: I can't take any risk of that being true! Get them out of here before this disease spreads to the kingdom!

The Pilgrim Gang: *gets escorted out of the kingdom*

Everyone:

Reader: *sniffles*

The boys: *hugs Reader*

P.S. this so wasn't dumb I had fun writing this 🤭

#🌺 anon #skittle answers #isekai'd to the west #isekai'd to the west skit #journey to the west x reader #jttw x reader #sun wukong #journey to the west #jttw #monkey king #wukong #the pilgrim gang #tripitaka #sandy #pigsy #ao lie #tang sanzang #sha wujing #zhu bajie #bai longma

[red-dead-do-over246]

Hey there! Hope you’re having an amazing day! I wanted to request prompt #108 with Kieran x f!reader!

I think Kieran is treated a lot like he’s helpless but he’s been rolling with outlaws for a long time. I think he’s able to fight, he just chooses not to generally. So I want your take on how he would protect his S/o who, let’s say, is in a life or death situation. Happy ending or not! It’s up to you ❤️

Thank you~!

Hello! I hope you are having a great day as well! I completely agree with you when it comes to Kieran, so I hope you enjoy this! Sorry if it's short!💖

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just a Simple Shopping Trip

You and Kieran go to pick up some more produce for Pearson. However, here in Lemoyne, that's easier said than done.

#108 “When you love something, you protect it.”

The only reason Kieran got to leave camp is that you were coming with. To "supervise" him per Dutch's words and everyone else's for that matter. And Kieran didn't even understand why they believed he needed to be watched by someone.

He's proved himself and doesn't plan to betray anyone.

Especially you.

Out of all the gang members, you were the one who's treated him the fairest. How could Kieran not want to be around someone so kind? Of course, he's got a soft heart when it comes to others. It was a part of his nature, to be timid and kind. At least, that's what everyone sees in the young man.

"Do you want me to drive?" Kieran asked in that nervous tone of his when you finally came over to the wagon. He was in the middle of tacking up the horses.

"Sure. I'm best to keep guard anyway." You said with a smirk as you stepped up on the wagon. Kieran's eyes followed you as he tried not to take offense to that.

Then he patted the horses and hopped up on the driver's seat before flicking the reins.

"...but they still don't trust me. I didn't need no chaperone." Kieran complained to you as you guys made your way back from Rhodes. The shopping trip went well, everything was accounted for, and you guys got things done, but now was the hard part.

Which was getting home with all your goods.

Kieran was letting some of his feelings and frustrations out while you listened. Truthfully, you were the only one who would let him do this, and you would listen without mockery or scowling. It was another reason he enjoyed being around you.

"Your feelings are validated. I'm sorry, Kieran. I wish I could make people think otherwise." You said with a sad tone, causing his heart to flutter a little.

"It's alright. I'm just glad it was you who came with me. Any of the others would've probably slit my throat and threw me in the ditch." He said, shuddering a little. You laughed a little, despite the truth to his statement, and flustered a little at his words.

"To be honest...they probably would have done the same to me when I first joined the gang." You whispered, subconsciously nudging your shoulder against his.

"What?!" He said in shock. Kieran never knew how you came to join the gang. It was something you never really brought up after you guys got closer. Now he was interested, and you guys still had a bit of a ride to get to camp. You stared ahead at the road, a faraway look in your eyes, like the topic was hard to talk about.

"Well-"

"Hello there!"

A forceful cheery voice interrupted your conversation, and you guys noticed that a group of men on horseback had come to ride beside your wagon. Kieran immediately tensed, thinking the O'Driscolls, but then recognized the Lemoyne Raiders.

Still an unfortunate situation.

"Can we help you?" Your voice was strong and Kieran tightened his grip on the reins to ready for a quick getaway. The Lemoyne Raiders started giving their whole spiel; about how this was their turf, and how you needed to pay up, and blah blah blah.

"Y/N-"

"We ain't giving you nothing!" You spat at the closest man, who growled at you.

"Get 'em!"

The sound of gunshots and frightened horses entered Kieran's senses, and he barely had control of the wagon as the commotion started. He tried his best to steer and avoid bullets as best as possible, but the horse riders flanking him made that difficult. You had your gun out, and was trying to shoot back, but Kieran's driving made that rather difficult.

Suddenly, one of the men hoped from their horse and into the back of the wagon. Panic overtook Kieran tenfold when said man grabbed you by the collar of your shirt and dragged you back. You kicked, struggled, and cursed at the raider as he put you in a choke hold.

That moment seemed to slow for Kieran.

For a moment, he didn't care about the gang's threats. He didn't care that they didn't seem to care about him. All his fear about all of it went away in that moment. Right now, all he saw was that your life was in danger if he didn't act. And it caused him to do something that he hasn't had to do in a long while.

Bang!

The man who was holding you soon slumped to the ground with a bullet wound smack-dab in the middle of his chest. Blood was seeping out of it and around your feet. Now time seemed to slow for you as you turned to look from the dead body to the man who just saved your life.

Kieran still had the revolver aimed, smoke coming out of the barrel, as a determined and fiery look came to his face.

He looked like an entirely different man.

The other raiders seemed to be stunned by this as well because they ceased shooting just long enough for you to whip out your gun and finish them off. Once the bodies dropped and the horses ran off, Kieran slowed the wagon, giving you time to crawl back over and sit next to him. Then, since the chaos made you guys run off the path, Kieran took the time driving you guys back in the right direction.

"Thank you...for saving me." You said, your voice barely audible as you looked down at your hands, which were shaking. Sure, you've been in bad situations before, but something about this encounter made you emotional.

Tears began to blur your eyes, but you noticed his hand reach over to grip yours, steadying it.

“When you love something, you protect it.” Kieran told you, his voice not wavering as his hand moved to your back, rubbing it gently as the tears flowed freely now.

"I...I don't know why...I was so scared..." Your lip quivered as you admitted yourself.

"And that's okay..." He told you, repeating what you used to say to him many times over.

The rest of the ride was a comfortable silent. Kieran was comforting you as you broke down from what just happened. You were trying to figure out why this caused a reaction out of you, and then you finally pinned it.

It was Kieran.

You sometimes forget that he was with a bunch of outlaws before this gang. He knew how to shoot, how to kill. However, he was always so gentle with you, with the horses, and generally everyone that you completely forgot what he could be capable of. Seeing that side of him just made you emotional, knowing that he would do anything for you.

It made you love him even more.

When you guys arrived at camp, eyes were on you both as you wiped away your tears. For a second, people thought that Kieran caused your tears and were ready to shoot him right then and there. However, when you guys stepped off, he moved to hug you. You hugged him back tightly, nuzzling your face into his neck as you gripped onto him for dear life. He rubbed your back and whispered sweet things to you.

Arthur came over to grab the supplies, wondering what the hell happened out there. By eavesdropping when he walked by, he heard Kieran say things like "it'll be okay", "they can't get you anymore", and "I will protect you."

The outlaw still didn't have the slightest idea what happened, but he got the insight on one thing that made him feel good.

Kieran was definitely strong enough to keep you safe.

#red dead redemption 2 #red dead redemption 2 x reader #rdr2 #kieran #kieran duffy #kieran duffy x reader #kieran x reader #rdr2 kieran #kieran duffy imagine

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA because I accidentally "liked" an acquaintance/friend of a friend on a dating app? And now I don't want to talk to him anymore based on the way he reacted?

(Sorry if this is overly complicated)

I (29M) had only met this guy (36M) - I'll call him Ben - once or twice. He's like a family friend of my best friend. He had just moved to the area and was struggling with his mental health, apparently. My friend's mom asked us to "treat him like family" which I had no problem with, because it seemed like we got along well. I was hoping we could become friends. Obviously nothing more because I barely knew him.

Next time I saw Ben, he was not as friendly as before. I thought he might have been ignoring me on purpose, but I often misinterpret things like that (I am autistic), so I put it out of my mind.

Then saw him a week or two later at a party. Sat next to him at a table, said hi and asked how he was doing, etc. He didn't even look at me. Gave me a very cold one-word answer and immediately got up and went to the other side of the room. Spent the whole party at least 20ft away from me, but seemed friendly enough with other people.

Afterwards I told my friend I felt like Ben didn't like me, and asked if he noticed me doing or saying anything offensive, and he had no idea, so again I just let it go. But a couple weeks later, Friend's Mom told him that there IS a reason for that behavior, and that's because I liked his profile on a dating app and "he doesn't feel the same way at all because he's gay and likes men".

This upset me for a lot of reasons - first off I am transmasculine and do consider myself a man even if it's a little complicated - but mainly because I didn't remember seeing him on any dating app. I also thought it was overkill to act that way towards someone just because they might be interested in you? If I thought someone wanted to date me, but didn't feel the same, I don't think I'd be mad at them?? I feel like his reaction was a little childish and dramatic.

Possible asshole behavior from me: on dating apps I tend to like every profile that isn't objectively terrible. Because I'm bad at judging how much I'll like a person based on a few pictures and a short bio. Sometimes I don't really pay attention and like every single one of them and unmatch the ones I decide I don't vibe with after a closer look (or messages exchanged). That's...probably why I don't remember. I was barely paying attention.

My friend told me he thinks it's an asshole move to like everyone before closely reading bios and thinking it through, and I guess I see his point. But on the other hand I feel like Ben was disproportionately rude - like I can't help but be slightly offended it's that terrible to imagine I might be interested. (And I am not btw. I never have been.)

I didn't have his number so I asked my friend to let him know I'm not actually interested & must have accidentally swiped. I'm told he apologized and said he was "going through stuff" but we never talked directly and I haven't seen him since. So it feels very much unresolved to me.

I told Friend's Mom I will not be attempting to befriend him anymore - I'll be civil of course, but I'm keeping more of a distance. Apparently she was upset by this, and originally didn't tell me OR my friend why he was acting like that towards me - because she thought I might not want to talk to him anymore, and she didn't want "friction".

I guess what I'm asking is AITA for 1) not paying close enough attention on dating apps, and/or 2) not letting it go & pretending nothing happened after I was told he apologized - therefore causing "friction" between everyone?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night]

Note: I've decided to tell this in a partial epistolary manner. Some scenes will be told through letters and such. Others through plain old story telling in my usual style. I've never done this before, but the prompt really took ahold of my imagination.

TW: referenced cult, parasites, hunger, fear of death, human whumpee, vampire caretaker

Dear Rahab,

Well, I've finally done it. I'm sure you'll be very relieved that I found a place to stay, given that Rosemonda or one of her loyal servants doesn't find this letter. I hope you burn it as soon as you're done reading. I know you aren't allowed to have a phone, and I still haven't gotten one, so the letters will have to work for right now.

Before you read this next part, I want you to remember that I love you dearly. Horrible start, I know. But I'm your little brother. Do you really expect anything better from me after all these years?

The man who's letting me live with him is a vampire. That's the kicker. I know you must be horrified, but it's a decent enough arrangement. His name is Ishtar. A funny name, isn't it? Belongs to a woman. I asked him about that. He acted all prickly and told me in no uncertain terms to shut my trap.

But that's all besides the point. Ishtar found me stumbling through the woods. Can't you picture it, Rae? Your dear brother, half dead, covered in leeches and ticks from marching through a swamp, chilled to the bone, I could go on. Then this vampire finds me. I start saying my prayers, because G-d knows I haven't lived a good life. I don't know much about the world to come, and too much about the damnation Rosemonda preached. I really thought I was going to die.

Then he starts yapping about how I'm trespassing. "Are you blind? There are clearly keep-out signs." I missed the signs, obviously. He wasn't really angry, just ticked off. Then he saw the sorry state I was in, and carried me back to his house. Yeah, he carried me, a bridal carry to be specific. You would have laughed if you had seen us. We looked like the cover of a trash romance novel, but I was too filthy to be any sort of princess.

His house is quaint. I like that word. Quaint. It sounds nice. Anyhow, no electricity. It's not like a nocturnal vampire needs light bulbs. I've had time to look around since half-way recovering, and he has a lovely garden. Oh Rae, you'll hate this part of my oh so lovely story. But I promise nothing happened. Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.

Ishtar stripped me down and tossed my half conscious ass in a bath, without saying much of anything. Wrinkled his nose a lot, and I don't blame him. I can't recall exactly what I was thinking, just that I was too tired to be scared anymore. I do remember him picking off the leeches and ticks though, mostly cause he kept looking at me like he was daring me to crack an offensive joke. I sure as hell didn't.

He got me outta the bath and gave me some water. Surprisingly, he had food. That is to say, he left me in the kitchen and came back two hours later with a basket of plums and a freshly butchered duck. I made quick work of as many plums as I could fit in my mouth without choking while he cooked the duck. I think he used tumeric or something, it tasted weird but I was too starving to care after not eating for two days.

I think I must have fallen asleep. It's all so effing hazy. But I woke up in this grand bed. Nicest thing I've ever slept in. I don't know why exactly a vampire has a bed when they sleep in coffins. Or is it caskets? I don't really know the difference. Anyhow, he was just sitting there staring at me all creepy like.

Vampire eyes aren't exactly red, you know? They're reflective like a cat, all the way down to having those thin pupils. Red, orange, green, they just keep shifting when the candlelight hits at different angles. Not exactly something you want to wake up to staring at you in a darkened room.

He broke the creepy ass silence to ask me why the hell I was on his property. I told him the truth, figuring there was no way in hell a vampire was in cahoots with Rosemonda. She hates them, as you know full well. He was oddly impressed. Muttered something about heroism. I don't feel like a fucking hero. Oh, he liked my name. Kept repeating it under his breath. Real weird fellow.

Anyway, I'm a bit embarrassed to admit I begged him not to turn me away. I may have cried. Just a little. He just looked me over, silent for a few minutes, and offered me a deal. Remember what I said about how much I love you? Good. The deal went like this. He'd let me live with him and he wouldn't breathe a word if our darling cult came to call. In exchange I'd give him a healthy amount of my blood. Once the anemia from the leeches goes away, obviously.

I know, I know. I'm being stupid and reckless. My body is going to end up fertilizing his garden. Mother would be so disappointed in me. I've heard all of that from you before. Well, besides the second to last one. But close enough. I'm fine though. Still not over the anemia, so he hasn't tried to drink me. You know how low my pain tolerance is, so I hope I don't act like a coward next time he gets peckish.

He doesn't talk to me much, you know? Just lets me wander around his house and pick fruit from his garden to eat. I haven't admitted that I know nothing about butchering yet, despite the meat cravings. I don't see how you went vegetarian. I would kill for some bacon.

Sorry, I know I shouldn't be joking so much. But I'm not sure what to say. A lot has happened, but I'm safer than I've been in years. I have food in my stomach and don't have to listen to sermons to get it. If you want me to rescue you at any time, just say the word. I'll whisk you here when you're out proselytizing. I doubt Ishtar will mind. I mean, you're my sister.

I'll cut this letter short. I love you. I miss you. I wish you were here. I hope you're doing enough proselytizing for Rosemonda to give you good meals and a blanket to sleep in. I know I'm repeating myself, but I need to say it one more time. Just in case. I love you.

Sincerely yours, Mordecai

Taglist: @hugh-lauries-bald-spot @devourerofcheesecake @thedarkmongoose @whumpsday @whumpshaped @heavenly-whumper

#Abraham original: Hot off the press #Whump #Human whumpee #Vampire caretaker #Expository whump #Modern whump #Cult whump

[archivalofsins]

You know when I started watching Milgram due to Star. I didn't really think I'd like any of the characters in it.

I was super suspicious of everyone even only knowing the bare minimum. My first instinct isn't to trust people generally regardless of their age. Ultimately, like when I started out, I would have found certain people innocent, but it was mostly due to surface level observations or not knowing enough about them.

I'm kind of happy to have reached the point that i can go I actually wouldn't find any of these people innocent. I actually don't think forgiveness can fix any of them in the same way I wouldn't think it would immediately fix a real person.

Looking at it from the standpoint of an apology and forgiveness can't fix this. Gives me the opportunity to examine how much weight an apology and being forgiven has to me. It allows me to interrogate who an apology and forgiveness is for in general.

My belief is that forgiveness is given as closure for the one who has been offended or hurt. It's ending the pain for them not the one being pardoned.

It won't change how the person who committed the transgression feels about it. Regardless of if the people they committed these acts towards or society at large forgives them.

"I’m still guilty even if the morning comes."/ "I need to be tagged as RED."

Forgiveness isn't something that can be given by the one the offense wasn't towards. An apology can't be received by people who were never offended/hurt to begin with.

It can only reach someone's ears once they know what the offending party did wrong.

"“I’m sorry” won’t reach anyone. I hope it will someday."/ "Hey, what if- If I am a bad girl? Don’t hate me."

Yet people finding out lessens the offenders' chances of being forgiven. Because whoever discovers what happened won't view the offender as a victim anymore.

"You don’t even know yet, and yet."

It's not something most want to receive from people who know nothing about them.

"Am I a bad girl? Please don’t answer."/ "So off the mark, what’s it to you? It’s just absurd. Like really, who do you think you are?"

It's not something that anyone other than the person it's given to can accept and if they don't want it for themselves they're less likely to want it for others.

"Feeling magnanimous? INNOCENT? I’m so not that."-"Just choose the only choice, GUILTY. Say that sympathy is useless. Hate evil as the evil that it is."

Magnanimous Kids Definition 2 Being generous and forgiving.

Sympathy Kids Definition 2 a: the readiness to think or feel alike that makes for a common bond b: readiness to favor or support

It's something people don't have to accept or give once an offense has occurred.

"It’s a tie after saying sorry? What are you hoping for?"

"Even I can say "I'm sorry". Even I have hope."/ "You’re sorry? I don’t care! Please, go ahead and die already. Remember MY cries, MY repents, MY words of “I’m sorry” that I said to you?" "Shall we replace the poor soul, and the miserable delusion- “I didn’t mean to offend”, “I won’t do it again” How many wins in a row?"/"I want a reason for judgment execution, I want it. Give me the next target."

It's something that some people can't move on without.

"I won’t stop until you say “sorry”."/ "Tears aren’t enough, no way no how it’s going to end. It’s so hot, so hard to breath, there’s no solace for my heart."

People don't even have to accept when they're not forgiven or their apologies aren't accepted. Others have every right to think that someone is making a big deal out of nothing. That what they did was actually a really small thing and nothing serious.

"I just got a little greedy."-"Is this selfish? This isn’t too much is it?"

"Lick that sin and oppose punishment, until you can meet the king of the masquerade." "Why, hey why, I’m nowhere to be found? So I will NEVER forgive you if this is happening to me even though I’m right."

"So it’s wrong? Oh shove that! INNOCENT, isn’t that right?"-"Come to know me as an honest man, eat your words, gulp them down."

There's no guarantee that even if you tell someone that what they did was wrong that they'll accept it or that the information will even be news to them.

"Giving you love to the point of pulling you down. It’s just because I still get worried, please forgive me."/"Saying I love you but doing what I did, I know I have no right, crossed and covered in sin. My love, it scored an own goal, destroyed my love and me with its weight. Tell me, oh tell me why, can’t I just do it right?"

"My emotions are out of control, that’s inconvenient? I don’t care!"/ "What you trampled is my, “This is how to be in love with you”."

There's something so incredibly human with how all the characters engage with the concept of apologizing or being forgiven. Something that makes them all much more endearing and relatable to me. At the beginning of Milgram I really didn't care for any of the characters here. I thought they were all pretty bad people and were mostly forgiving them based off of personal and surface level judgments.

In the very beginning though I was just uninvolved. I'm the sort that likes minding my business until I have enough information. So, I only voted on Amane trial one. This trial is the first one I've actually participated in voting fully in. It's incredibly easy to get caught up in others pace and the stories they tell about themselves.

Especially under a time crunch. I can't say if I like the characters and my opinion is subject to change next trial but I've very much enjoyed getting to know more about them over the course of Milgram. Along with greatly appreciating how realistically they're all written.

I guess if like was quantified by how willing you would be to be in the same room as a person then I like them all a lot more than when I got into this. They seem decent and on a more fun note incredibly unpredictable. Something that will make trial three very fun.

Hopefully Milgram gets more and more people to interrogate the concepts of apologies and forgiveness. I wonder if trial three will make people question if one really needs to be sorry to be forgiven. Plus considering how the number four is viewed overseas it is kind of funny trial two is ending right before the fourth anniversary of the series. So the intermission will be taking place during that.

#milgram #gunsli rambles

[hyperactivewhore]

Ok soooo I love your opinions on The Originals and I want it for something I'm writing 🫣

Basically, how u think klaus would act if he gets interested in a OC with severe mental illness?? Specifically in my case a schizophrenic

And this will be a insecurity of her in their relationship

Hey! So I believe it depends, truth be told.

As far as I remember, Klaus isn't one to mock someone because of their illness, but we're also talking about Klaus, so I can't be really sure. I don't remember if Klaus actually interacted with someone with a confirmed mental illness aside from Aurora, but we all know he isn't exactly sane anyway.

Of course, if his interest in your ooc is romantic he'll obviously be kind about it, as long as your relationship is klamille and klaurora coded and not klaroline coded, because the one time Caroline actually needed comfort from Klaus he basically told her to go to hell. I think he would try to be supportive, and would specifically learn things about your ooc and her illness to make her as comfortable as possible, to try to not trigger her, and similar.

If this is an insecurity of hers, that would only amplify. Klaus isn't an easy person to love, he's complicated and messy and he's constantly reminded of that by family and people close to him, so he'd jump at any opportunity he has to remind her of his love for her if that insecurity is affecting their relationship or is potentially reason for a break up. I personally believe Klaus would worship the ground his s/o walks on, we all saw how he treated Camille and Aurora when their relationship wasn't rocky.

But if they do happen to get into a nasty fight or a particularly bad breakup, I can see bring him up her illness as a way to "mock" her or to try to belittle her, he kinda did it to Aurora and we all know how hurtful Klaus can be anyway.

Thank you for asking, and for loving my opinions! It's truly sweet from you to say it. Writing ooc's with mental illness is a challenge and I hope nothing I said came out offensive, you all know it's never my intention.

#klaus mikaelson #klaus mikaelson x reader #aurora de martel #camille o'connell #klaurora #klamille #the originals #the vampire diaries #tvd #to

[darubyprincx]

i have found myself thinking a lot lately about how the s1 crew landed in a completely different world that was just similar enough to where everyone seemed to do a double take at their names and faces

It was a quiet March afternoon, the type that people wrote poems and drew paintings about. While it was still mostly winter, there were patches of tentative spring that shone through here and there. The sun still shone cold, though, and almost all who were out under it were wearing some kind of jacket to buff themselves against the chill.

Everyone except for Jordan, it seemed.

Windbreaker tied around his waist, he walked from the little half-burnt hut he performed his witchcraft in to the cauldron beneath to the forest around it, apparently in the sort of hurry that deep concentration brought when you were working on something.

Ianite sat nearby on the grass, crosslegged, quietly humming while she worked on adjusting her bow string. Occasionally, she would turn to aim an arrow at a nearby tree, always neatly hitting the mark but frowning to herself to return to her work. Every so often, she'd pause to watch Jordan work, simply observing, a strange expression on her face. Every so often, he'd glance over at her as if reminding himself that she was there.

It wasn't an uncomfortable silence that they shared, by any means, but after three or so hours Jordan finally sat down next to his goddess with a wordless sigh.

"Hello," said Ianite. "What are you working on?"

"Testing stuff in the Spirit Realm," said Jordan, mouth full of apple. "Turns out that things get real mad if I try to get things over there, but I think I've found a workaround. What about you?"

"Oh, I'm just tuning my bow," said Ianite, nocking an arrow for demonstration. When she released it, it flew straight across the clearing and knocked one of the skulls off of the witchery altar. Jordan winced, but didn't say anything.

"Is something wrong?" asked Ianite after a little bit.

"Oh," said Jordan, shaking himself out of his thoughts. "No. I mean, uh, the skulls are kind of important for upgrading the power the altar can consume but I think you just knocked one off, I can always place it back later. It's not a big deal."

"I didn't even realize that," said Ianite, surprised and a little bit guilty. "I wasn't talking about that. Sorry, though."

"You're good," said Jordan. "Apart from that, though, no, nothing's going on. Unless you had something to say?"

Ianite looked over at him, expression unreadable but oddly piercing nonetheless. "While you were working, you kept looking over at me like you were surprised to see me there."

"Oh, that," said Jordan, leaning back against a tree trunk with a small sigh. "Not surprised to see you. It's more like... I don't know. I guess I'm just not very used to this."

"This?"

"As in, you being actually, like, here and stuff." He swallowed his chunk of apple and continued, waving a hand around awkwardly. "All casually and stuff."

Ianite nodded. "That's not a bad thing, right?" she asked, somewhat anxiously. "It's been a while since I've actually been around people. I hope I'm not messing it up."

"No, no," said Jordan, surprised. "You're doing great. I'm sure it's just a me thing. I don't think either of us are really used to each other yet."

Ianite nodded thoughtfully. "That would be it. In my dreams, I was always seeing through the eyes of my other selves, and they were all different from me in temperament and the like. Was I- was your Ianite different?"

Jordan paused for a moment in thought before nodding. "Yeah. She was more... distant, I guess. No offense, by the way," he added quickly. "I haven't talked with this world's Mianite or Dianite, but they were detached too. Less like people and more like how you'd think gods would act."

Ianite nodded, momentarily focused on whittling at her bow. It was quiet for a little longer. Small clouds chased each other across the sun, the earth below constantly dappled with ever-shifting shadow.

"It's strange to hear that coming from you," she said eventually, carefully setting her bow and knife in front of her. "But it does make sense."

Jordan paused for a minute, confused. "Me as in Spark?"

Ianite sighed. "Yes. I have to keep reminding myself that you're not him."

Jordan nodded. "I'm definitely not. I'd never wear green sunglasses. With this outfit?" he asked, jokingly scandalized. "I'd make everybody's eyes hurt just by looking at me."

Ianite squinted at him. "I vaguely remember you wearing basketball shorts in the other world."

"We do not talk about the basketball shorts."

Ianite laughed, a clear laugh, one that sounded like mission bells and high notes sung by church choirs to Jordan. "You have the same sense of humor too," she said. "And the same messy hair."

"Is it alright if I ask you a question, my lady?"

"Of course."

"What's Spark like? Or what was he like, I guess? Is that an okay thing for me to ask you?"

Ianite nodded. "Yes. It's just a bit of a difficult question for me to answer for... a couple of reasons." She sighed. "He was older, for one, by maybe half a decade. And quieter. Far quieter. He used to go off for hours on these tangents about the things he'd read and what he thought of them." She smiled softly in remembrance. "Spark was a brilliant tactician." Ianite glanced over at Jordan. "He also did most of the wiring in the castle. I guess that's one thing that hasn't changed."

Jordan nodded, and she continued. "You're both very stubborn when it comes to the ones close to you, though. And gentle. I remember once he came home sopping wet in the middle of the night holding a stray kitten he'd found and announced that he'd named it Biggs."

"Aw."

"Mhm. It was a sweet little thing."

Jordan tossed the apple core aside on the grass. "He sounds like someone I'd get along with, if it's not weird to get along with yourself," he said. "I can tell you loved him a lot."

Ianite nodded. "I did. I still do, in fact."

"Tucker keeps pressuring me to try and go out with you, m'lady," said Jordan with a sigh. "Especially ever since he figured out that this universe's version of me ended up getting with you. It feels wrong to me, though. I can't really explain it."

Ianite tilted her head to one side in slight contemplation. "I think I understand," she said after a moment. "And I think that I agree with you. I don't know if Spark is dead, after all. I'd like to at least wait until then to do anything."

Jordan nodded. "That makes sense," he said. "I think I'm good for now, though. No offense."

"None taken."

The two sat there for a few more minutes, simply drinking in the weak spring sunshine. Jordan stood, stretched, and pulled his windbreaker back on.

Ianite's communicator beeped, and she glanced over at it. "Oh!" she said happily. "Sonja's invited me over to bake with her."

"Ooh," said Jordan. "When?"

"Now," said Ianite, picking up her bow and knife and putting the knife into its sheath at her waist.

"Ah," said Jordan. "Until next time, then, my lady. Safe travels."

"Thank you," said Ianite with a smile. "You too."

And with that, she was gone.

#ray's tag #mcyt #mianite #captainsparklez #lady ianite #ianite #keys' writing #writing #it is so late (11:20 P.M) i need to go to bed

[wolfofcelestia]

My strategy for beating Open Orbit 38

From a Zayne main's perspective

🟢🟢🟢🟡

@zaynes-left-chesticle asked for my strat so I'm putting it in its own post in hopes that it will help others stuck on this stage too

1. Setup

First and foremost, I have to say that I fight every battle on an emulator (MuMu) and with a gamepad because it feels a lot more natural to me to game with an actual controller

The repeated taps to attack also just cramp up my thumb, so I map the attack button to repeated clicks. So all I need to do to attack is hold the button down

As for the regular charged attack that procs when you hold the attack button down, I did map it to a different button on the gamepad, but I've found it less effective than the repeated attacks, so I never use it

2. Companions, Cards, and Cores

❄️ Companions

Ok this is where I start being a simp

Because instead of being smart and going with Xavier, I decided to brute force my way through it with the husband because I just felt more comfortable with him

I tried all three outfits with both Zayne and Xavier, and also all weapons on MC, but what ended up working was MC on guns and, of course, the king, Dawnbreaker

But just looking at these cards, I should have had an easier time with Xavier since I was able to boost the protofield buffs higher than my Zayne team. Xavier's team even had a solar pair. Meanwhile, I was rocking that 3* level 30 card with Zayne LMAO

In all honestly, Xavier will probably be the better choice for most people. But if you're stuck in the Zayne swamp like I am, bring out Dawnbreaker and go slaughter your enemies (more on that below)

❄️ Cards

Okay let's start with the elephant in the room: The 3* level 30 card lol

I do have other, stronger green cards than that one, but I really only threw that card in because it was a solar card, which meant that I could satisfy the protofield requirement by having a third green card while also opening up a lunar slot for a stronger stat stick (the red Cozy Afternoon card)

Another important factor in choosing cards is their talents. Despite me only hitting the minimum protofield colours, having cards with attack talents is important if you're underlevelled like I am

5/6 cards in my Zayne team are attack-centric, while Sweet Conspiracy is an HP card

You can check what a card's talent is by clicking the (!) button

I did try with another green card in my team, Dawn's Shadows (lvl 40). But that is a DEF card, so replacing it with an off-coloured ATK card, Cozy Afternoon (lvl 60) helped more than the protofield boost. It being at a higher level helped too

Some cards also have Advanced skills, so you could watch out for those too

❄️ Cores

I've severely neglected my core hunts so I don't have a lot to choose from or exp to level them with, but I recommend equipping any you have with a focus on Attack and Attack Bonus

Even if you don't have cores with an attack boost, equipping anything that will boost your damage is useful

You're mainly fighting against the timer here, so you need as much offensive power as you can get

Here are the ones I had equipped:

3. Strategy

Alright, so now that you your setup and team, let's talk about the strategy

The most important thing is to wipe out the frenzy wanderer ON SIGHT

Nothing else matters, so as soon as that thing pops up, hunt that fucker down

When the fight begins, your partner will target the wanderer on the left first. I decided to target it as well just to make it die faster, but soon, the frenzy wanderer will come in, so don't waste any of your skills on the regular wanderers

The things you are fighting against are the shitty aiming system and the frenzy timer (that starts before you can even target it), so if your aim decides to hit the wanderer on the other side of the field instead of the frenzy wanderer right in front of you, my suggestion is to just restart the fight unless you know you can kill it before the energy dissipates

There are three frenzy wanderers that show up shortly after the regular ones do, so save skills and unload on them. Focus your camera on them, and ideally back them into a corner so that it's the only enemy on your screen. Get right up in their faces so that your aim stays on it and your partner is more likely to target it as well

I was able to gather the frenzy energy from the first two, but when I beat the stage, I'm pretty sure I wasn't able to finish off the third. The first two are definitely the easiest so if you can manage those two, I think you'll be okay

Just be sure that your aim is on the frenzy wanderer because the resonance skill tends to want to aim at the wanderer with the protocore shields

When you've killed the frenzy wanderer and collected its energy, just go with the regular fighting strat:

Save your diamond skills for breaking through the protocore shields, then unleash everything you have when it's weakened

I tend to use the partner support skill (the one that fills his profile pic with yellow) as soon as it's available since it charges up fast enough, but I make sure that skill and every other skill I have (support, ardent oath if it's close to filling, and MC's active skill) is available before I break through the shields

❄️❄️❄️

I think that's everything I have to say about this stage. If you have any questions or want more clarification on anything, feel free to ask

Hope you manage through the awful, awful aiming system here!

#love and deepspace #zayne love and deepspace #elara plays #game info

[blocksruinedme]

(hi there! sorry if this is disrespectful or anything, feel free to delete this ask! i was just concerned because in the comments of jimmy's recent videos, it seems that he might make a video reacting to fanfictions...

very concerning! especially because it seems like he didn't contact the creators of the edits in newest video beforehand. no offense to him, but i genuinely do not trust him to handle fanfiction in a respectful way. he's very hard-working, but he's getting dangerously content-brained!

anyways, the reason i'm sending this ask to you is because you seem to frequent his streams a lot. VERY sorry if this is disrespectful to ask, but if you do attend his next stream, is it ok to ask that you try and send a message in his chat? i would myself, but he streams after midnight where i live T^T i really hope that someone well-versed in the rules of fandom spaces (maybe scott (ｰ ｰ;) ) can talk him out of it, but i would be very grateful if any chatters could discourage him during his next live.

thank you very much for reading!!)

-a shy chinese anon who experienced the banning of ao3 in china because fans of a celebrity mass-reported an rpf fic to the government :<

(Hey shy anon, I didn't show up until a little after the ban, but I was on the english side of that fandom so i know a lot. my eternal condolences, I'll never stop being upset about what happened!)

It is not at all disrespectful to ask politely, which you have! I am not going to send a message in his chat because it is an absolute hellhole, but people I know have left thoughtful comments on his youtube, which I think is 20x more useful. He sees those in his own time and can think about it. Chat is running nonstop, super fast, you get instant reaction in the chat from all kinds of sorts - seriously i love jimmy and i have nothing against younger people, but holy hell that chat is mostly intolerable to read. Most streams I don't even have it visible. Jimmy has very little time to think in response to chat messages, it can't be nuanced, and the first thing he says is now public record.

Overall, I don't think Jimmy will react to fanfic. If he does (and I've been wrong predicting Jimmy before!), it's going to be something like Wholesome Seablings Adventures. I can not imagine Jimmy reading ship fic - unless I guess it's incredibly pg canon-ship? There's all kinds of "pg youtubers", and Jimmy's more on the Katherine side of thing, appealing to families and genuinely little kids. If you look at the saucy things he lets in, you generally need some real non-pg context for it to feel non-pg. (there's always exceptions)

When people demand he address shipping he tries to say as little as possible. He's been shown nsfw fanart while he was streaming. He knows what is going on and he's not going to touch that. He's thoughtful when it counts, and since these aren't stream reacts, he has time to think hard about what he's actually going to use. So if he did do fanfic, there would be plenty of never seen footage of Jimmy of going "holy moly!" and moving on. When it matters, he is generally thoughtful and respectful.

Like the time he realized he was confused about asexuality (he didn't know about aromanticism) and slowed down to be really careful he didn't say anything accidentally hurtful. (for context shelby is ace but dates and he knows that. look at his poor little face trying to understand.)

Maybe he'll mess up this time, I sure hope not, but I'm not personally freaking out.

Also, exactly one time he opened tumblr on stream, it was the sexyman poll, and he read my reply to the post (i'm the one who called him a wet paper bag of a man, my claim to fame.) I showed up to apologize, he was a sweetheart, and he said this about tumblr, that he knows we want our own private space. He's respectful at heart.

I am not on tiktok, but until your ask, I'll admit it never occurred to me he might contact the creators before reacting. Thinking on it, I guess I think of TikTok like youtube, where it is loudly tossed out at the whole world for attention, but I'm not on TikTok.

And why do I think ao3 is different? Well, I have no coherent answer besides "vibes" and "more contained audience" and "everyone knows everyone is on youtube and tiktok".

Here are some more Jimmy clips I've wanted to share on tumblr for one reason or another.

In the end, I have been hyperfixating on this man for sixteen months and I believe it'll be okay. If I'm wrong, well. We'll make it through this, gang. We'll take care of each other and keep going. Nothing's stopped us yet!

If you want to say something to Jimmy, leave a yt comment, don't go into his stream, please, not there, you'll just provoke people and he might have to respond to that, please

Everyone out there who read ao3 not logged in - go log in, people are locking things.

People on ao3, lock or don't lock, as you see fit!

(also joel lizzie and oli did fanfic readings/reenactments/whatever years ago, including writing their own snippets, i got through like 90 seconds of one, youtube at your own risk.)

#me #answering asks #god do i want to tag this a bunch #i want people to worry less but i don't want antis #i'll tag the shippers #there we go #welcome to vee's thought process when they stay up too late writing jimmy fic #trafficshipblr #empireshipping #trafficshipping #traffic shipping #shipping #empires shipping