#i still have NO idea where i got those ages from but yeah the whole time i thought i was yakkos age

[liveontelevision]

Hi! im in love with your Lucifer fics. You newest one has me gripped and i cant wait for the next part.

You got me brainstorming more Lucifer fics ideas

I was thinking of one where the reader has been helping/supporting Charlie at the Hotel and is almost like a mother/parental figure to her, and when Lucifer arrives he acts cold/mean no matter how much she tries to be polite. But then he warm up to her after see how much the reader really cares about Charlie and then he finally realises hes in love with her.

♡

Thank you! I literally could write about him for hours (kinda have already) and I really liked this prompt, so here's just a lil' something for ya, anon ♡

Honey | Lucifer x Reader

No smut, just some cute fluff here-

♡♡♡

As soon as you arrived in Hell, your eyes were drawn to the drab-looking hotel just up the hill. And you flew to it like a moth to a TV screen. That being said, you've known Charlie and the other residents for as long as you've been dead. They've all seen you at your worst, having to be the unlucky few to explain your death. Although, Charlie's comfort really made the whole being dead thing much more palatable. During this time, while she's supported you, you've seen her through thick and thin as well. Pretty soon, you became an important part of her life, offering a more parental influence when she needed one. You didn't really die at an old age, but a lot went on in your lifetime to give you the maturity to comfort people that way and you were always happy to do it.

Considering your skill set, some of the residents went to you in the same fashion. A little task you took to, just to help out, was fixing up some articles of clothing for people. It was a great mindless task for you to do, considering Alastor wasn't a fan of having phones and TVs in the hotel. So you simply sat, humming a little tune as you fixed up something from Angel's wardrobe.

Your trance was broken, seeing a pair of slender legs in front of you. Following them up, you finally meet eyes with a nervous-looking Charlie. She's fidgeting with her fingers, still trying to find the courage to say whatever she came to you for.

"You need something, hun? You can talk to me, c'mere." With a sweet voice, you patted the cushion on the couch next to you and kept on working. She let out a heavy breath you didn't realize she was holding.

"Soooo... my dad is coming to visit and I - uh.." she still struggled to find her words. Considering you've barely been outside the hotel, you really didn't question how big of a deal Lucifer was. But to see Charlie getting flustered about a little visit from her own father did make you feel uneasy.

"I guess - I don't know, I'm just nervous, is all! It's not that big a deal, I mean, he's my dad, but also.. he's... my dad..?" You nodded your head.

"Seems like a big deal. He's the king of Hell, so it makes sense that you're nervous. Can I help with anything?" Acknowledging her feelings and making sure to keep your tone smooth, you finally set aside the mini skirt you were fixing up to face her.

"Oh! Um - I was wondering if you could bake something for everyone! Niffty's making cookies, but I think dad might enjoy something a little more.." You both thought back on the disturbing display of desserts Niffty had made for everyone in the past, it sent a chill down your spine. You nodded your head fast, taking a hold of her hands.

“Yeah, I'd love to! I'll make sure it's something your dad would like, too! How's that sound?" You absolutely loved to bake, and doing it for other people always made it even better. There was some pressure on you, considering who you were catering to, but remembering that this is for Charlie, kept any nerves at bay. Charlie, who just happened to be shedding a tear or two of relief, gave you a hug that would've snapped you in two if it had gone on any longer. You were used to those at this point.

The day went by fast, Charlie preparing and stressing over little decisions for her dad's visit. You got the OK to bake an apple pie. A specialty you would make when you were alive, you went all out. You'd always make the dough from scratch, soak the apples in a homemade cinnamon butter, and somehow managed to spiffy it up to a commercial extent. You were batting off Pentious and Niffy as best you could until he arrived.

You saw a side of Charlie during that visit that you haven't really seen before. She was nervous, sure, but it was clear she felt so defeated. Each little quip on sinners being hopeless or how Charlie shouldn't even bother in this "whole redemption deal" made you understand her paranoia more and more.

As Charlie introduced each of the staff and residents, Lucifer got distracted by the still steaming pie sitting on the table in front of everyone. He definitely wasn't the only one whose mouth was watering just by staring at it, but he was the one who bit the bullet, taking the first piece. 

"And this is -" a loud hum of satisfaction interrupted Charlie's introduction to Sir Pentious, who looked deflated at the change in topic.

"Charlie! Good golly - This is great!" With another bite and hum, you watched his eyes flutter shut for a moment. A little boost of confidence immediately making you giddy.

"Oh! Well, that's good! Because this is our other guest! She made it herself -" Charlie took a hold of your shoulders and dragged you to face Lucifer. You could feel the nervous tremble coming from her hands. You looked up at her for a moment and smiled, placing a hand over top of hers. It really did seem to calm her nerves. And for some reason, he didn't seem to like that. 

"Well - I'll eat anything with apples since they're obviously my favorite. It’s not that special." He tossed the half-finished plate back onto the table and wiped his hands clean. He ignored you.

"U-Uhm.. yeah, that's - that's everyone, I guess!" Charlie stammered, not expecting him to turn such a cold shoulder to you. He spent his time examining you. Considering he didn't even care enough to learn your name at that moment, he sure was taking his time looking you up and down.

"Well then!" He clasped his hands together after finally tearing his eyes off you. "How about a little tour?" He suggested, clearly not invested in the other sinners now. Charlie looked down at you and you nodded, starting to clean up some little things around you. It was a nervous habit you had, but it helped to keep your hands busy and your mind off the insulting interaction you just had to endure.

Charlie took Vaggie's hand and went on to give the tour. Once they were out of sight around the corner, you slumped your shoulders letting out a groan.

"Short king's givin' you the cold shoulder, huh?" Angel leaned on the back of the couch, crossing one leg over the other.

"Right? Okay, glad I'm not the only one who noticed that. Is something wrong with the pie..?" Looking over to Sir Pentious, who was licking the already empty pie tin clean, he quickly shook his head.

"Maybe's got a thing for ya." Angel teased, jabbing you with his elbow. You rolled your eyes, finally taking the pie tin from Pentious.

"He didn't even get my name, I'm sure that's not it. Whatever.. " you grumbled, taking any dishes you could to the kitchen to keep your mind from exploring that option.

The extermination day battle was here. You followed the armies who attacked the hoards of exorcists when they finally arrived. As the battle went on, you hated to admit it, you found yourself in awe watching Lucifer kick Adam's ass. The sight of his wings and the little V thing - and obviously his immense power, somehow managed to make you blush as you were attacking angels. Definitely a new sensation for you, with the bloodlust muddling your other senses, but it was easy to forget about it once the new hotel was renovated and everyone was finally settled in.

As everything went back to normal, you went back to helping Charlie with anything you could, drinking at the bar with everyone and generally things went back to the way they were. There was only one difference. Lucifer made the decision to stay at the hotel. It was commendable for sure, his change of heart to support Charlie through this change, but it only left you feeling conscious about everything you'd do when he was around. The underlying crush didn't help much. Or Angel's teasing about said crush.

You really did try, when you'd pass him the hallway, you'd always send him your most sincere smile. Or when you spotted him reading or working on anything, you'd try and spark any kind of conversation or ask if he needed help. He never needed help. He was always too busy to chat. You honestly couldn't remember a time he looked you in the eyes before. You bit your tongue. No need to worry Charlie, or anyone really, about some feud you possibly made up in your mind.

It was especially important to you to not stress Charlie right now. Starting the hotel back up was a big task alone, but the loss of Sir Pentious weighed on everyone. And Charlie took full blame for it. A late night, where she most likely stayed up to try and find any kind of hope for redemption, any speck of proof to bring sinners in, she found herself burnt out. Approaching the memorial for Pentious, you stood beside Charlie. You found her visiting it every now and then, and when you did, you knew she needed a check in. And you were right. Without a word, Charlie suddenly clung to you. She went on about how it was all her fault. How he was gone because of her. How nothing seems to be working and she's terrified that it's all for nothing.

It took a while for her to calm down, but you would never leave her like this. By now, the two of you had fallen to the ground, sitting on your knees.

"Charlie, you are doing your absolute best. It's okay to cry, you know that. Think of everything you've done for everyone else, I mean - Pen would've never sacrificed himself if it wasn't for his friends." You brushed a tear from her still wet and puffy eyes. "You did that. You gave him something worth dying for." It was a hard truth, but you hoped it was enough for her. She's done more for you than she'd ever know, and you'd do anything to give it back. You didn't realize, but before approaching Charlie, Lucifer was pacing a nearby corridor, battling the decision to go up to her himself. He hadn't said much to her since extermination day, and he had always been nervous about saying something wrong, making things worse. Before he had the chance to muster up the courage, you had swooped in. It confused him. He should've been jealous or hurt, that he wasn't able to calm her down himself. That you beat him to the punch. But he didn't really feel that way, no matter how much he tried to convince himself otherwise. Was it admiration? Sitting in the shadows until he assured Charlie was taken care of, he went back up to his workshop, flustered for a number of reasons.

There was one moment, where things started to look good. It was a regular night at the bar, you, Angel and Husk had gotten on the topic of your lives, looking at the positives which was a rarity. Charlie and Lucifer were nearby, Charlie enthralled in the discussions of what Earth was like.

"My homelife? It wasn't anything fancy, but.. um.. - oh I had a farm, actually! I ran it with my parents, it was.. nice." You hold onto your arms, a bittersweet smile on your face. With a light bulb going off in Charlie's head, she nudged you with her elbow.

"You didn't happen to have any birds or chickens or ducks - did you?" She hummed. She noticed the wedge between you and her dad, and it hurt her just as much as it hurt you. She's little miss "everyone should get along", of course, this hurt her. You didn't notice, but Lucifer peaked up at you for a split second before distracting himself by swaying the drink in his glass.

"Oh..? Oh! Yeah! Yes, actually! We raised a few ducklings that a neighbor gave us - we got them as eggs, so we got to see them grow up and everything!" Going on, telling a story about how you snuck one into your room to keep it as a pet, only to be scolded for it. You had the whole group in the palm of your hand. Including Lucifer. You met his eyes for just a moment, the twinkle in them immediately drawing you in. With a quick smile, he became flustered. He scoffed, pushing himself away from the bar and leaving. As much as that should've infuriated you, seeing those eyes and the growing redness across the apple of his cheeks felt like a win.

Since the hotel was newer, and word hadn't gotten out about Pentious's redemption yet, it was still vacant beside you, Angel, and occasionally Cherry Bomb. That gave the whole group a lot of time to enjoy the large space in the meantime.

Certain nights, Alastor would play the large, golden, piano that Lucifer had so generously created. This led to Charlie singing along to whatever he was playing, of course, and when Lucifer was in a good mood - or drunk - he would even pitch in. He'd sit atop the piano, his legs crossed, as he hiked the matching golden fiddle to his shoulder and played along. It was truly a sight to see. His skills were unmatched, but it still seemed to melt into the rest of the contributions. It was as if he invented the damn thing (He did).

This sort of became a tradition, when everyone was in a good mood and Alastor wasn't getting on Lucifer's nerves too much, everyone would join in, singing and dancing. It was rare, but Damn was it fun when it did happen. One of these nights, Alastor started off with a song that you knew, and had actually introduced to Charlie. She gasped as soon as she recognized the tune, pulling you close by both your hands to sing along. You had as good of a voice as anyone did, in a musical rendition of Hell, but you mainly stuck to harmonizing little things with Charlie. Swinging around with each other, until you were dizzy and laughing, you noticed that the room seemed a little empty.

Lucifer was seated where he usually was, on his phone. His fiddle was placed carefully at his side, and he was scrolling through his goddamn phone. 

"Don't feel like joining us, Your Highness?" You kept to titles since it was obvious he wasn't warmed up to you just yet. Even after living with you for a month or so.

"Mm. Don't know the song. It's not my cup of tea, just can't seem to get into it." He says bluntly, never looking up to you.

“Oh, come on! Just play along, it’s just for fun!” You slurred your words a bit, whatever you had been sipping throughout the night causing, what you would call, an outburst.

“Hm! Well, I’m not exactly here for your entertainment, am I? God forbid a sinner doesn't have fun in their eternal punishment.” The room went silent. You felt so defeated. You've been trying since the day you met him to try and at least get on good terms with him, but it seemed like he would even prefer a night with Alastor over you. Things like this never bugged you much, you tried so hard to not let it bug you, but when Charlie looked over to you, with those worried eyes, it was hard to keep back the bottled-up disappointment.

With a little sniffle and a quick wipe of your eyes with your sleeve, you start heading back up the newly decorated grand staircase, without a word to anyone.

"Heyyy - Dad..! I think you maybe.. might've... I don't know - hurt her feelings..? Would you wanna - " Charlie carefully approached her father, who immediately lit up and placed his device down when she spoke. "Could you talk to her? Maybe just check up on her..?" She was speaking barely above a whisper.

“You have to apologize. Um.. sir.” Vaggie finally blurted out. His smile was nervous, his eye twitching a bit at the concept. Taking in a deep breath, he rubbed the back of his neck, letting out a sad little laugh.

"Well, uh.. I don't know, Kiddo, maybe she's just tired." He muttered, obviously hesitant at the idea.

"Sounds like the king can't handle a little damsel in distress to me. Would you like me to comfort her, my dear?" Alastor was quick to chime in from the piano bench, offering a sympathetic smile to Charlie. Why did the concept of that make Lucifer’s blood boil?

"Oh fuck you, bambi, I can handle it." With a quick hop off of the piano top, he almost stormed up the stairs to find you. Definitely not what Charlie was hoping to motivate him, but she wasn't an idiot. She knew Alastor had his reasoning for that. She mouthed a little thank you to him, once Lucifer turned his back.

You were ecstatic to learn that Charlie worked an extensive library into the hotel. Walking into its large double doors, you almost struggled to see the back of the room with how full it was. You had a little corner you claimed as your own, leaving one of your blankets draped on the little loveseat there, and setting aside a pile of books you were still working through. It was a great place to calm yourself down after what had just happened.

Hearing heels click against the tile, you wrapped yourself tighter in your blanket as you pulled your legs up to your chest. 

"I'm fine Charlie, it's fine.. I just need a second, go back to the lobby." You shooed off the figure with one hand, wiping your face with the other.

"Ahha- Nope! Try again -" with a nervous chuckle, Lucifer greeted you with an awkward wave. Interrupting the silence by clearing his throat, he gestured to the seat next to you. With a quick nod, finally snapping out of your surprised state, you shifted your position to sit beside him. It wasn't exactly a two-person couch. Not for two people who might hate each other, at least. I mean it was a loveseat. He struggled to keep his distance, leaving your legs barely brushing together.

"Soooo.. you, uh- like.. reading..?" He asked after a long silence. You were mainly confused by his words, but simply nodded in response.

“Yeah it's - I-I love it in here.. There wasn’t anything like this on Earth, so this is nice." You managed to speak out, between sniffles. He agreed with a little hum, fidgeting with the ring on his finger.

“Glad you like it. It's uhh - just happens to be my personal collection.” He puffed out his chest, looking at his clawed nails with a little smirk on his face. He had no idea why he thought that would help, but it actually did a bit. when he looked your direction, you were slack-jawed in awe. The sight made him turn a bit red in the cheeks, quickly looking away, he patted the top of his legs to fill the silence.

“That's really cool! I guess it makes sense - considering you're older than the dawn of time- but, still. Thank you, I suppose. For letting me - I mean - us use it.” You rambled on for a moment your words became quieter the more you gushed.

“Is that supposed to be an insult?” He asked between laughter. You made him laugh. You hoped he didn't see the sparkle in your eyes at the notion. You stalled, lost in thought, before quickly shaking your head.

The two of you sat there for a moment, the awkward silence sitting a little more comfortably than before. Finally, Lucifer let out a sigh of defeat. 

"It’s my fault, right?" He asked, already knowing the answer.

"Oh, uh.. I guess so, but.. I mean, I'm kind of drunk so it might be something with that - but I'm fine, I swear." You waved your hands in an attempt to soothe the serious discussion. But Lucifer knew better than anyone what someone holding their true intentions back looks like.

"You're really good for Charlie. I.. I wish I could take care of her. Like you do." He admitted. It surprised you for a moment. Was that why he's been so cold to you? Was there some form of jealousy in there? Or was he really concerned that you would replace him in some fashion?

"C'mon, you're just saying that to make me feel better. I saw you on extermination day, none of this would even be here without that little pep talk, you’ve done more for her than you know, I think. Charlie.. she loves you." The words made him perk up a little. Maybe even a king needs reassurance sometimes.

"Oh- Um.. I guess she does, huh..?" You could hear his smile. The two of you sat in silence for a moment. You didn't even realize you had the smallest smile on your own face. But he did. With another nervous laugh, he hesitates before planting a hand on your leg, just above your knee. No time like the present, you suppose.

"I’m sorry. I really am. For.. everything. You're actually amazing. I-I mean it.." Without a response from you yet, he lets his gentle touch linger a moment longer. You leaned in towards him, the smile on your face turning sly.

"Yeah? You think so? I almost thought you hated me." You were teasing him. He's been so cold to you this whole time, you just had to take advantage of the moment. He turns a bit red, covering his mouth with his free hand as he clears his throat into his fist.

"Of course I don't.." He muttered.

"Soo, would you say you like me?" You drew out your words, walking your fingers up his arm.

"W-What? How - " He clamped his hand over his mouth before desperately trying to rationalize his thoughts, " Of course I do! I just said you're great with Charlie and I -ahh.. I love Charlie, so I like - " He coughs up his words, " - I liked your pie, that you made! And you have a good voice, too, and your little duck story was cute, so - " God bless this man's tendency to overshare when he's nervous. The alcohol definitely gave you the little boost of confidence you needed to question him like this, but you would be lying if you said you didn't notice his reactions to you whenever you weren't paying attention. Or whenever he thought you weren't paying attention. It finally dawned on you that some of those glares might have had some other motivations.

You knew when to reel it in, but considering his hand was still on your leg, he moved it up a bit even, you assumed he was okay with the teasing. Maybe even enjoying it. Delicately drawing your fingers across his jaw, to his chin, you pulled his gaze to meet yours. You could feel his hand tense at every little touch.

"You have really nice eyes, Luci-" He audibly gulped, tugging at his bowtie. "You’ve been avoiding looking at me for months.. I wish you'd look at me more." You almost pouted, your fingers still lingering under his chin. With the slightest movement, he followed your hand towards your face. He took his hand off your thigh for a moment, only for you to take a hold of it and place it on your back. He was the one who pulled you closer at this point.

“Y-you can't just say things like that.. it’s embarrassing..” He muttered, trying his best to not close the gap between your bodies. 

“Embarrassing? I’m not embarrassed, your highness. Are you? Do I.. make you nervous? Hmm?” You placed your hands just above his knees, leaning closer through your chest. Sucking in his lips, he did his best to stay silent, knowing he’d dig his own grave no matter how he answered.

“I just think you’re so pretty, Luci, I can't help myself.” Before he could properly react, you leaned in close enough for him to feel your breath against his ear. Damn, what did you drink? You could feel his hand on your back clenching, either to bring you closer or just out of sheer nerves. With a little hum against his ear, he let out the quietest whimper. It apparently took both of you by surprise, you leaned back to get a look at his face with wide eyes. Meeting his eyes this time sent you both into a blushing, nervous state.

With a deep breath, you cupped his face after brushing some of his golden locks back into place, then gave him the lightest kiss on his lips. You didn't even linger long enough for him to return it, and he was clearly distraught by it. You unwrapped yourself from your blanket, giving a dumbstruck Lucifer another quick peck on his forehead, before standing.

“I’m going back downstairs. Take your time, Hun!” You called out so sweetly as if you hadn't just left him a heated mess. 

Finally returning to the lobby, you walked with your chest puffed out, beckoning for another drink from Husk.

"Did.. did Dad check in on you? Are you okay?" Charlie carefully approached you, and was immediately disarmed by your grin.

"Yup! I feel much better now. He apologized and we had a little.. Discussion. Thanks, hun." You said sweetly, taking a sip of the drink Husk slid into your hand. Angel gave you a dirty glare, and after meeting his eyes you quickly looked away.

"Well great! Where is he? Maybe we can pick back up where we left off!" Charlie clasped her hands together enthusiastically.

"Here! I-I'm here! Great idea, honey, let's keep playing!" He tripped over himself, rushing into the room and hoping nobody saw him re-fastening his tie. Sending him another quick smile, his face clearly hadn't cooled from the past events. He nearly dropped his fiddle, but as soon as he prepared he picked up the same song that was left unfinished moments before.

♡♡♡

I wanted to get through some asks, but I'm still working on Suffer, no worries, my friends

!Taglist!

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#hazbin hotel #hazbin #lucifer hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #hazbin hotel fandom #lucifer hazbin #lucifer magne #hazbin hotel fan #hazbin hotel fanfic #hazbin hotel fanfiction #hazbin hotel fluff #hazbin hotel x you #hazbin x reader #lucifer x you #lucifer morningstar x you #lucifer morningstar x reader #lucifer x reader #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin lucifer

[aha-chuu]

Here's the thing. "Renheng but Blade is immortal and nothing goes wrong" goes totally against the themes set up in HSR. But it's so fucking funny.

So, Dan Feng loves Yingxing whatever. They decide to make Yingxing immortal together and then BAM no one finds out (so no big crime to be arrested for) but there's two ways to play it. Either they have to slowly gaslight everyone into believing YX was a long life species this whole time, or they have to somehow pretend this is not YX, this is some other 100% naturally immortal dude and Dan Feng just has the Most specific type ever, to the point that he basically got his exes twin but immortal with a cooler haircut.

And with the gaslighting idea - I think it could work. No one's gonna notice that YX isn't aging for at least a few years, probably more since everyone they know is long-life and they likely have a warped perception of how regular aging works. So DF & YX just gotta wait like 5-10 years, slowly dropping hints that "oh yeah can't wait till our 150th anniversary!!" And Jing Yuan is like "... Hmm is that normal? That's probably normal?".

Cos also. Who's gonna mention it? Like it's gonna take so long for anyone to notice, is Jingliu gonna eventually sit them down like "you did a big sin didn't you" and then YX and DF just play dumb: "what??? Jingliu what are you on about? Is Mara eating all your memories of YX definitely being immortal this whole time?" So that's not good for Jingliu's mental health but whatever.

Anyway so Dan Feng and Yingxing have successfully scammed everyone but DF is still definitely the High Elder and absolutely no one wants him to be dating this guy. Also the dragon heart is missing cos it's in YX's chest and surely the Preceptors would check up on that? Like a renewal service? Some sort of 200-year check-up? Does DF have to take his bf with him so the aura is nearby? It's just a game of "how dumb are these guys?" Until all those preceptors reincarnate into ones who DF can convince "oh no the High Elder is supposed to give the dragon heart to their beloved. Yeah it's a ritual. Oh the immortality uh no Yingxing had that forever obviously".

Eventually YX is gonna get stabbed and he's definitely more immortal than everyone else. More gaslighting ensues probably, cos otherwise it's like?? He's just an abundance monstrosity (Jingliu is seeing red rn) and Jing Yuan has sussed it out at this point but yknow he likes YX; he prefers him being alive than dead. Jingliu is gonna stab YX for being an undying monstrosity and JY steps in - "nooo don't you know I mean ig your parents never told you but if uhhhh you suck enough dragon dick this is totally normal -" and anyway Sanctus Medicus get a lil fetishy sex crazed from that conspiracy theory.

Then later DF has to be reborn which is sad, but I like to think YX just takes like. A gap year from their relationship. He's a divorced old man he deserves a mid life crisis while DH gets the "plss don't fall in love this idiot guy again" speech from the other Vidyadhara but it's working like reverse psychology, DH is all "pshh I'm way too put-together for that!!" And anyway YX is still a hot piece of ass so DH fails immediately.

One day DH gets a dream memory about the whole sinning part of their relationship and has to come to terms with That™ meanwhile YX is sipping a mimosa while he's having a moral dilemma. "No babe it's fine it's like. Yeah it is a hellish sin but it's cute that you're so worried about it. No they can't try us for crimes we did so long ago don't worry" meanwhile JY is still dealing with the paperwork nightmare from YX's birth certificate definitely not being that of a long-life person's but ehh.

Basically fluffy unproblematic renheng where no one gets amnesiaed or tortured is great and good even if it laughs in the face of canon.

#renheng #yingyue #hsr #blade hsr #dan heng #dan Feng #Yingxing #imbibitor lunae #Honkai star rail #jing yuan #jingliu

[hopelesslyromanticshark]

⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚ Property of Leo Valdez

content: leo valdez x daughter of poseidon! reader warning: major references to sexual stuff (like integral part of the story, folks), language, aged up for obvious reasons probs like 19-20 ish, author's note: i know for a fact I didn't completely come up with this concept myself. I saw a headcanon a few months ago that mentioned this idea and then i wrote it into a full fic bc i loved it so much. and I have since lost it, which is more than a little disappointing bc i would love to give credit where credit is due. if any of yall run into it, lemme know and i'll give them credit. anyways, i figured we could use a full fic in after all those hcs!! this was just collecting dust in my drafts so let's full send this baby.

leo and y/n weren’t really ones to follow the rules. it goes all the way back to their time on the argo ii. after coach hedge was gone and buford the table was put in charge, y/n had started to have really intense nightmares. like, wake-the-whole-ship-up-with-screams intense nightmares. she stopped sleeping in hopes of avoiding it. one night, she had been talking to leo, where she promptly passed out against his shoulder. it was the first peaceful night she’d had in a long time, they both knew that. so, y/n started spending her nights in leo’s room. it only took a little bit of rigging of buford to leave them alone. easy enough of a task for leo. it was a habit they couldn’t seem to break, slowly being unable to sleep without the other being in the same room.

it worked out just fine on the argo ii, but back at camp half-blood was different. chiron had noticed the closeness between the two and sat them down, reminding them of curfews and how campers of the opposite sex weren’t allowed in other cabins. he was basically letting them know he had his eyes on them. it scared the couple off for less than a week.

it started with them sleeping in bunker nine, figuring it to be a loophole. then, following a late night on the beach, y/n begged leo to spend the night with her in the poseidon cabin. he couldn’t say no to her puppy eyes, but he was slightly worried he was gonna drown on his own spit the whole night. they typically tried to avoid the hephaestus cabin whenever they could, too many of leo’s siblings around at all times. still, there were times in which percy wouldn’t let leo into the poseidon cabin, earning him a pillow to the back of his head from y/n. which is why they still frequented bunker nine, just like tonight. leo and y/n walked back to the poseidon cabin, only to be beaten by percy and annabeth, causing percy to guard the door with a small frown.

“sorry, coves, but we got here first,” he mused, to which y/n stuck her tongue out at the younger boy.

“i still hold seniority,” y/n whined, leaning into leo’s side as she crossed her arms.

“yeah, by like a few months,” percy argued back, rolling his eyes.

“so what?! that still counts!” y/n insisted, glaring at the younger boy.

“come on, coves, we’ll go,” leo interjected before the two actually started fighting, giving the girl a warm smile. she huffed, turning around to head to bunker nine before stopping right before percy closed the door. she bounded up the few steps, wrapping her arms around him in a quick hug.

“sleep well, dude,” she said, in hopes of clearing the air. she knew they weren’t actually fighting but she didn’t like going to bed with even a hint of a fight.

“you too,” he replied, giving her a squeeze and smile before heading into their cabin. y/n quickly caught up to leo, wrapping her hands around his arm as they snuck their way into the woods towards bunker nine.

it wasn’t too long of a walk, the time flying as they quietly laughed among themselves, enjoying the night so far. leo pushed the door open, gesturing for her to walk through in front of him. y/n patted his chest as she passed, heading towards the dorm area that was off the side of the main garage area. y/n was pulling her hair out of the braid it had been in all day, her hair naturally laying against her camp half-blood shirt. leo smiled at this, catching up and wrapping his hands around her waist from the back, laying his hands flat against her stomach and pressing his lips against her neck.

“what are you doing, valdez?” y/n breathed out, her breath hitching slightly as he gently sucked against her pulse point. she could feel the smirk of his lips against her skin, causing her smile to widen as well.

“hopefully? you,” he replied and y/n laughed, leaning back against him, allowing his hips to meet with her lower back. a groan left his lips at this action and y/n smirked before pulling away from his loose grip, putting an extra sway into her hips, just to piss him off.

“w-where are you going, cariño? Get back here,” leo argued, eyes snapping open as he followed after the girl. she turned a blind corner and he followed, just in time to catch her tugging her shirt off. she looked over her shoulder at him, walking backwards towards the bed in just her bra and denim shorts.

“what? did the repair boy lose his cool?” she mocked, tilting her head at him. leo shook his head, taking quick steps towards her and settling his hands against her waist, pulling her hips against his with a smirk.

“no, no. but, i’m gonna make you wish i had lost my cool,” he muttered in response, moving a hand up to cup the girl’s breast through her lace bra. a moan gets caught in her throat, y/n throwing her head back. he smirked, pulling her closer and planting kisses against her skin.

“leo,” she breathed out, a huff following as the boy unbuttoned her shorts and pulled the zipper down tantalizingly slowly. she shoved her hands under his shirt, running them over his lower abdomen, slowly lifting the shirt as her hands went higher. leo laughed lightly at her, pulling away from her marked skin as he grabbed the shirt and pulled it the rest of the way off, flinging it somewhere into the room. once the shirt was off, she smashed her lips against his, earning a shocked noise from the boy.

“y/n, gods,” he all but groaned, leaning forwards as she leaned back before they plopped down onto the bed. y/n laughed, looking up at leo as she breathed in heavily. he was using his arms to keep himself from completely putting his body weight on her.

“you look so good under me, baby,” leo whispered and y/n smiled up at him, gently setting a hand against his cheek.

“i gotta admit, the view’s pretty good from down here, too,” she replied back, leo breathing out a laugh before closing the distance between them once more. this ended a few hours later, the pair a tangled mess of limbs under the covers, leo’s body curled around y/n’s. the next morning, leo was jolted awake by a loud banging in the bunker, the boy hazily looking out the door leading to the room, being met by festus, who puffed smoke out of his metallic nostrils. leo huffed, sitting up and glaring over at the metal dragon, but ensuring that y/n was completely covered.

“festus, dude, keep the noise down. didn’t get much sleep last night,” leo yawned, glaring over at the dragon before glancing at the nearby alarm clock, instantly waking up as he saw the time.

“shit. y/n, honey, you gotta wake up,” leo muttered, gently but also rapidly trying to wake the sleeping girl. y/n tried to ignore him, attempting to nuzzle into the sheets. normally, leo’d just let her sleep in but he couldn’t today. he took another panicked glance at the clock before reaching onto the bedside time and grabbing the water bottle he kept there for safety reasons. just in case y/n ever got hurt in the bunker, he’d have a way to make it go away. he unscrewed the cap before dumping it on her, the girl shooting up with a gasp before glaring over at him.

“leonidas samuel valdez! you’re dead to me!” she screamed, flicking the water that she could off onto him.

“yeah, you can thank me when you’re not late to training with the hermes cabin,” leo barked back, jumping out of the bed and tugging on a pair of jeans. y/n leaned over, looking at the clock before her face went pale.

“shit.” “that’s what i said. Get dressed,” leo stated, throwing her an orange shirt before he scrambled to a wardrobe and pulled out a shirt for himself, rapidly doing the buttons.

“no, like, i’m gonna be in serious shit, leo. fuck me,” y/n whined, pulling the shirt on and pushing the neckline off to one side as it was baggy before reaching for a pair of shorts that she left a few weeks ago, refusing to put the ones from last night on.

“already did, baby, that’s how we got here,” leo muttered back, earning him a smack to the back of his head as she ran past, tugging on her shoes as she went.

“ow!” he called after her, grabbing his belt and resting it against his waist as he glared after her, the girl flipping her hair so she could put it in a high ponytail.

“you earned that one, hot head,” she bit out, tying her hair up and making to sprint out the door before turning back and giving the boy a rushed kiss against his lips.

“sorry. i had fun last night and while this sucks, i wouldn’t trade last night for anything,” she told him, offering a quick smile before moving to leave.

“me too. but, uh, y/n?” leo called, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck.

“what?” she asked, hopping as she tied the laces on one shoe. “put your hair down. you have, uh, a few…” leo trailed off, gesturing to his own neck in reference. y/n groaned, pointing back at the boy with one hand while the other pulled her hair down.

“back on the naughty list, valdez,” she shouted, sprinting out of the bunker before leo could stop her again. and he truly did try, noticing his fatal mistake as the girl spun around. it wasn’t her shirt he’d thrown to her, but rather one of the extras he kept around for himself. he mainly kept it as a throw away shirt to wear while he worked, something he didn’t mind rubbing grease all over. it was old and well loved, which is why the neckline was so saggy. and proudly printed on the back in his handwriting were the words ‘property of leo valdez.’ initially meant as a way to keep his grabby siblings away from his shirts, but now its meaning made leo’s heart soar and cringe at the same time. man, he was in for a big lecture when she noticed.

“sorry i’m late, just caught up doing stuff,” y/n huffed as she ran into the archery area, quickly picking up a bow and quiver of arrows. she spun around and squinted her eyes at the hermes kids before zeroing in on the stoll brothers. she jutted her hip out and gave them a pointed look.

“what?” “does ‘stuff’ go by the name of leo?” connor asked, causing the rest of the hermes kids to burst into laughter. that was quickly interrupted by an arrow grazing the boy’s shirt, ripping a clean hole next to his ribs. connor looked up, mouth dropped and eyes wide as he was met with y/n, still holding her bow towards him, a new arrow notched.

“wanna try again?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at the boy. connor swallowed thickly before shaking his head. y/n lowered her bow, rolling her eyes.

“thank you. now, let’s get started, yeah? unless anyone has any last smartass comments they’d like to share with the class?” y/n dug in, crossing her arms, scouring the crowd for a moment before allowing a smile to grace her lips as she clapped her hands together, “Great! now, who wants to learn how i hit connors shirt without hitting him?”

the hermes kids were quick to learn and the lesson finished fast, leaving y/n to clean up. she was unsticking the arrows from the hay bales and thought back on the hermes kids. she figured maybe the shirt had grease on it or something that she couldn’t see. y/n began making her way towards her cabin in hopes of changing into a new shirt when she ran into percy, who immediately did a double take upon seeing his sister's shirt.

“you’re joking,” percy bit out in shock, staring at his sister with a rage she had never seen directed at her before. y/n jumped at his voice, pressing a hand to her chest.

“what?! why so much attitude, this is literally the first time i’ve seen you today-” y/n argued, pushing her hair out of her face while she tried to catch her breath.

“nope. nope. let’s go, y/n, now,” percy insisted, grabbing the girl by her shirt and dragging her towards the forge. he was muttering curses under his breath and y/n was so confused, trying to get him to let go of the shirt.

“percy?! what the hades! let go-” y/n shouted as he finally let go, the girl stumbling to stay up right as they were at the doors to the forge, catching the attention of all the hephestus kids in there. leo turned his head too, before wincing at the sight before him.

“this better be a fucking joke, valdez. start laughing or i start stabbing,” percy growled and leo held his hands out, trying to sooth percy.

“look, i thought it was her shirt! i didn’t know which one it was, i’ve got so many of those damn shirts! it was honestly an accident. come on, percy,” leo insisted, taking small steps away as percy walked forwards. y/n’s brows furrowed more as she looked down at the shirt, not seeing anything wrong with it.

“you let my sister walk around with that shit on her back!? i’m gonna kill you,” percy argued, pointing back at y/n, who’s head tilted. leo shrunk even more, swallowing thickly.

“she still doesn’t know?” he asked, his voice pitchy. percy then spun around to his sister too, eyes wide.

“what- wait a second-” y/n huffed before taking one of the nearby shields and setting it up, using the metal as a sort of mirror. the two watched her read it and she looked back at leo with a gaze he couldn’t quite read. then, she burst into laughter, tears quickly pooling in her eyes as she clutched her stomach. percy and leo shared a glance, equally confused.

“uh, baby? you’re-…you’re not mad?” leo questioned, tilting his head at her. y/n wiped away some of her tears, still trying to catch her breath.

“no, i am,” she replied, still giggling a bit, “but- i almost made connor stoll look like a pincushion over this shirt.”

“so you’re fine with that being advertised?” percy asked, crossing his arms with a frown. y/n was finally calming down and she rolled her eyes at him, still smiling though.

“i mean, the shirt’s not wrong,” she shrugged, patting his shoulder as she walked past. she then poked a finger into leo’s chest, now frowning at him.

“though, if you ever let me walk out in this shirt again, i’m throwing you in the lake. Got it?” “yes, ma’am.” “damn straight. now, i’ve got to go change then get lunch. i’ll see ya boys,” y/n said, pressing a kiss to leo’s cheek before walking off. once she was far enough away, percy smacked leo’s chest, causing the boy to keel over.

“what was that for??” “dunno. i’ll tell you when i find a reason,” percy shrugged, walking away.

the day carried on. leo was quick to find y/n before lunch, pressing kisses after kisses to her cheek as an apology. y/n eventually pushed him off with a laugh as they walked into the dining pavilion. they got their plates together but parted ways since they had to sit with their cabins. y/n pulled her hair back, eyeing the honey on her sandwich since she didn’t want it in her hair. percy started speaking as she sat down, yet to look at her though.

“so, i was thinking maybe we should do a movie night-” he stopped as he looked up, his eyes catching on the hickeys that littered his sisters neck, his eyes twitching. the neck of her shirt was cut off, allowing it to slip off her shoulder and her hair was tied back, allowing him to see all of them. y/n looked up as he stopped speaking before following his gaze. her eyes widened and she jumped out of her seat.

“percy-” “three,” he started, calmly wiping his hands and pushing his seat back. y/n yelps before moving towards the hephestus table, quickly gaining leo and everyone else’s attention too.

“we’ve got to go. now! move it, fire boy!” y/n insisted, grabbing hold of his arm and tugging him up.

“what-” leo argued, letting her drag him though.

“two,” percy continued, pulling his pen out of his pocket, inspecting it like he had all the time in the world. leo’s eyes widened as they landed on y/n’s neck then twisted back to percy.

“yeah, running’s a good idea. Go, Go, Go!” he agreed, quickly taking the girl with him.

“one,” percy muttered before jumping up and chasing after the couple.

“i’m gonna kill you! it’s gonna be painful! you’re gonna wish you never met her!” he yelled after them.

“never!” leo shouted back with a laugh, dragging the girl behind him.

author's note cont. : for once in my life, i have nothing more to say. the yapper has been silenced. you guys are free fr

#postcards from covey ౨ৎ #all my love ౨ৎ #leo valdez x reader #heroes of olympus x reader #hoo #percy jackson #pjo #pjo fandom #leo valdez

[metallicamunson]

Boyfriend(James Potter x FemReader)

Hi everyone, I finally finished this fic after months of starting it. It’s not my best work but it’s not too shabby considering I haven’t written in a while. Hope you guys enjoy this song inspired fic 🥲🤍

Word Count: 3,099

Warnings: Angst to Fluff, some cursing.

Summary: One where you and James find your way back to each other

——-

If there is one thing you and James are good at, it’s getting under one another’s skin.

It didn’t matter that your relationship ended in your seventh year at Hogwarts. Having the same friend group means seeing each other constantly. Not to mention, the breakup was a mutual decision, deeming that it would be best to be friends while you both figured out what came after school.

Looking back, you can’t help but feel it was a stupid decision. A brash agreement made by two teenagers in love, scared to take the next step in their relationship.

You very much still love James Potter.

And James Potter is still very much in love with you.

Although- neither of you knows it.

Meanwhile, your friends watch from the sidelines, waiting for either of you to make the first move to rekindle your romance.

DATE ONE (James)

It all started when the marauders invited the whole group for brunch. They all sat around the table on the balcony of their home, enjoying fluffy waffles with various fruits spread over the table. You couldn’t help but sneak glances toward James; he looked good. The white T-shirt he wore- accentuated his muscular arms, and his waist in those trousers was a look to die for.

You bit your lip in embarrassment when you caught Remus’ gaze; his eyebrows raised and a knowing smirk on his lips. You shook your head, taking a long sip of your champagne.

“Word on the street is that Prongs got himself a date tonight,” Sirius says, nudging James in the ribs with an elbow.

Now that- caught the attention of everyone, especially yours. Your eyes met with James’ who looked like a deer caught in headlights. He let out an awkward cough, twisting the ring on his middle finger.

“Uh- yeah, it’s a girl I met the other day at a coffee shop.”

It suddenly felt like your intestines were twisting into knots as jealousy consumed your now racing heart.

“That’s great, James,” Marlene smiles; she can’t help but look over at you. “What's her name?”

“Hannah, but it’s nothing serious,” he quickly adds, “it might not even go anywhere.”

“Well, you better bloody make sure she has a good time- she’s fine as f-, ow what the hell!” Sirius glares at Lilly, who just kicked him under the table.

“Okay- enough talk about James’ lov-”

“I’m happy for you; I hope you have a splendid time with what’s her face,” you chirp, lips settling into a tight smile. “Maybe this time around, you’ll get the first date right.”

Now that stung, you always assured James that you loved your first date despite the minor- okay, major hic-ups along the way. Truth be told you- love it; you found him adorable when he attempted to fix everything. He thought you’d never want to see him again, but imagine his surprise when you kissed him at the end of your date.

“Her name is Hanna- Lilly; stop doing that!” Sirius exclaims, kicking her back.

“I know you did not just kick me, Sirius Black!” Lilly says, throwing a grape in his direction.

“Will you two stop acting like children,” Remus sighs, “now let's all take a deep breath-”

“You know what, I will have a great time with Hannah! I might take her to that little Italian restaurant with the good breadsticks!” James says, shooting a terse smile your way.

That’s yours and James’ place. The place you both first said, ‘I love you.’

“Sounds like a lovely idea.” You scoot your chair back, throwing your napkin on your plate. “You know what, I forgot I have an errand to run. Thank you for brunch, boys. Bye, everyone.”

You take your bag from the handle of your chair, exiting through the sliding door.

James groans, leaning his forehead against his fist with his eyes closed.

Later that night

“You know what, I’m happy for him. I’m sure he and Helen will make a great couple,” you murmur, pacing back and forth.

“Hannah.” Marlene corrects before shrinking back when you raise your eyebrow at her.

“(Y/n) Why won’t you admit it; you still love him!” Lilly sighs, sitting up from her spot on your bed.

“Me? Lilly, please, we both agreed our breakup was for the best. I’m fine with it.”

“Your eye twitched when you said that.” Marlene laughed.

“It did not,” you lift your hand to your eye. You lay down between the two girls, staring at the ceiling of your room. “Okay, maybe it hurt a little when he said he was taking her to our spot.”

“Oh, sweetie, I’m sure he wouldn’t do that to you,” Marlene says with a sympathetic smile.

“I don’t even know why I care; we broke up almost a year ago. One of us dating was bound to happen.”

—

It turns out Hannah was someone who liked to move fast. James couldn’t have made a faster excuse to leave when she mentioned what names he’d want for their baby.

You would be lying if you said you didn’t feel ecstatic when Remus told you.

DATE ONE (Y/n)

“I’m sorry, I could have sworn I heard you say (Y/n) has a date with Caleb.” James laughs, walking into the kitchen where Remus and Sirius sit around the island. “You know the number of times he put the moves on her when we were dating; he should give it up.”

“Erm Prongs, I did say exactly that,” Remus chuckles nervously.

James stood still, the fridge wide open; his mind went completely blank for a few seconds. His grip on the handle tightened, grabbing the milk before slamming the fridge door shut.

“Are you okay, mate? I know this is the first date she’s been on since you two broke up.” Sirius slides a bowl across the island towards James.

“I’m fine. (Y/n) doesn’t owe me anything.” He shakes the cereal aggressively into his bowl. “I’m happy for her.”

Remus and Sirius share a look; they know for a fact that he is not okay.

A few days later

You knocked on the door of the marauders, your other hand holding a basket of pastries you made for them. A few seconds later, the door opens.

“Oh, hey.” James smiles, moving to the side to let you in.

You nod your head as a greeting, handing him the basket. “I thought I’d drop these off- Remus has been nagging me to make him my ‘famous brownies.’ I um- also made a few scones in there, or whatever,” you mumble.

You made scones, his favorite. He can’t help but grin; why does his heart feel like it is about to beat out of his chest?

“I smell brownies!” Remus runs down the spiral stairs, snatching the basket from James and rummaging through it. “Why are two just standing there- we have a couch, you know?”

James rolls his eyes, gesturing for you to move into the living room. “How did you smell brownies- your room is at the end of the hall upstairs.”

“You seem to forget about my werewolf capabilities.” Remus points out, moaning when he takes a bite of the brownie. “How’d your date go?”

James visibly tenses, staring at the side of your face. You shift in your seat, picking at your nails. “It went well. He treated me well, paid for dinner, and made me laugh.”

Remus nods in approval, though he can’t help but feel he jumped the bullet, bringing it up with James in the room.

James felt himself spiraling. What he said next wasn’t his finest moment.

“It seems kind of desperate going out with a guy who follows you around like a puppy.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean, James,” your head snaps in his direction, a frown now evident on your face.

“I don’t know; I just think he’s a loser- anyone who goes out with him must not have very high standards.”

Your eyes brim with tears, so this is what he thought of you. “You know what, fuck you, James Potter,” you scoff, “I’ll have you know he is not a loser- he's a gentleman!”

“He’s creepy (Y/n); the man borderline stalks you!” James laughs in disbelief.

“You know what, I don’t have to listen to this!” You exclaim, flinging a pillow in his direction. You turn to Remus, “I’ll call you later tonight- I can’t be around,” you gesture with your hands towards James, “him.”

You stomp your way out of their house, slamming the door shut.

“That was a dick move,” Remus says, taking another brownie from the basket.

“I’m looking after her!” James sighs, hugging the pillow to his chest.

“Are you sure it’s not because you’re in love with her and got jealous,” he looks over at James.

“What! No! Pshh, our breakup was mutual, remember?”

“Uh-hm, sure, keeping living in denial, prongs.” Remus takes the basket from the coffee table, heading towards the stairs.

“She brought those for all of us, you know!” James shouts from his spot on the couch. He rolls his eyes with a small smile when he hears Remus running up the stairs.

—

James was right. But you’d run around naked in negative-degree weather before admitting that- out loud.

DATE TWO (James)

You found out about his second date through Marlene this time around. It was some girl he ran into at the gym. According to Marlene, she was the one to ask him out, which intrigued James.

You were okay with it. Totally completely fine.

“Do you know where they’re going?” You say, trying to sound nonchalant, flipping through the channels of Marlene’s TV.

“Sirius said they were going bowling.”

“Cool.”

You throw the remote beside you, your mind not focusing on anything but James. Ever since you went on your date with Caleb, the bickering between the both of you only intensified. The two of you could not be in the same room with each other without one or the other making a snide remark.

“Are you okay?”

“Mmhm, he’s a single man; he can do what he wants,” you murmur, tugging the blanket under your chin.

—

“So how’s it going between gym girl and James?” you murmur, sectioning Sirius’ hair in half to start braiding two braids.

“I don’t know, he hasn’t talked about it much,” he shrugs.

You frown; this could mean one of two things. They either hit it off and are keeping their relationship a secret. Or it went so bad that James refuses to speak about it.

“Ow! I would still like to have my hair intact after this love.”

“Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind,” you chuckle nervously, scratching his scalp softly.

“He talks about you a lot, you know.”

Sirius glances up at you, a knowing look in his eyes.

“I- we can’t stand each other. We can’t even have a normal conversation before an argument starts.”

“(Y/n), I love you, so when I say this, it’s with all the love in the world- you and James need to get your heads out of your arses and talk about it.”

—

You stand before the boys’ apartment; you raise your knuckles towards the door before pulling back. You’ve been standing here for five minutes- trying to find the courage to speak to your ex-lover. Do you still love him? Of course- you do. Why else would it hurt so much when he goes on these dates? What if he tells you he doesn’t want the same?

You shake your head, taking a deep breath before knocking on the wooden door. You rock on your heels, biting your lip nervously.

The door opens, revealing a woman who is the definition of a Vogue magazine model. She has straight blond hair, she definitely seems like she works out, and the band tee she wears- wait a minute.

Your breath hitches once you recognize it; you’ve worn that shirt one too many times after spending the night with James. You can feel the lump in your throat start to form.

“Hey, are you okay?” The blond asks, worry laced in her tone.

“Oh! Sorry, I got the wrong apartment,” you smile tightly, turning to walk away.

Yeah, James Potter definitely moved on, you thought.

DATE TWO (Y/N)

“He’s a good guy! Come on (Y/n), let me set this up!”

“I don’t know if I’m ready for another date- Lils, the last one was a total disaster,” you murmur.

“To be fair, we did warn you that Caleb wasn’t a good idea- plus it’s been five months,” Lilly hums, poking your cheek.

You bat her hand away, sending a playful glare her way, “Fine.”

“You won’t regret it! I promise Mason is worth it!” Lilly squeals, clapping her hands together.”

—

Lilly was right- he’s perfect.

Mason Moriarty has a great job at the ministry that pays him a hefty number of galleons. His smile is one that would make all the girls swoon. He’s the kind of guy who holds the door and respects women.

He made you laugh and paid attention to what you were saying. Mason Moriarty was respectful and made you feel comfortable.

One date turned into two, and two turned into three.

He was perfect- so what was that nagging feeling in your heart?

—

Word spreads fast in the friend group. So it came as no surprise that James got word about you and Mason.

“Who even is that guy- he seems like a tosser,” James grunts, bringing his beer can to his lips. “I mean, she can do so much better!”

Sirius rolls his eyes, putting his book down. He couldn’t get any reading done with James’ constant outbursts.

“He’s a cool dude, he treats our (Y/n/n) well.” Sirius reaches over the coffee table to get himself a can. “At least pretend to be happy for her.”

“I can be happy for her! I just think he isn’t the one for her! The guy’s last name is Moriarty, (Y/n) Moriarty, sounds stupid!” James groans, throwing his head back on the couch.

“Enlighten me then, James- who should she be with then,” Sirius quirks an eyebrow.

“I don’t-” James sighs in frustration, “(Y/n) deserves someone who will love her unconditionally, someone who will cut the crust of her sandwich because she hates the texture. She needs someone who will hold her hand when she sees a pigeon because; for some odd reason, she finds them terrifying. It needs to be someone who will run to the nearest pharmacy to grab medicine when she’s sick because god knows she won’t go to the doctor’s office.” James rants, pulling at his hair.

“And Mason can’t do that?” Sirius pushes, a smirk forming on his lips, one he tries to hide with his hands.

That was the final straw.

“No Padfoot! Moriarty can never love her the way that I do!” James blurts out, throwing his empty can on the floor.

James’ eyes widen in realization, mouth opening, and closing with no words.

“Bingo! What are you going to do about it, Potter?”

“Nothing, there’s no way she still feels the same.”

“Wrong,” Remus waltzed into the room, sitting next to James, “You two are so in love with each other it’s sickening.”

James shakes his head in confusion, his heart racing at the possibility.

“I mean, for fucks sake, Prongs, are you blind?”

“I’m an idiot,” James groans, running his hands down his face. “Fuck, what if I’m too late.”

“I heard from a little birdy, that she cut it off with Mason.” Remus hums, a smile tugging on his lips.

James practically jumps up from his spot, an unsure look on his face.

“Go get your girl James.”

The Reconciliation

You squint your eyes, slipping on your slippers, the constant knocking on your door waking you from your slumber. You pause at the threshold of your bedroom, taking a vase from your desk. Warily, you look into the peephole of your door, sighing in relief when you see James. You open the door, a million thoughts running through your head.

“James, what- it’s two in the morning; what are you doing here?”

“I’m still in love with you,” James rushes out before he chickens out.

Your eyes widen, lips parting, “What-”

“I know this is coming out of nowhere, but I need you to know how I feel. I know it’s selfish, and Mason is in the picture- or not, I don’t know, Remus said he wasn’t. Anyway- I don’t think you ever left my mind (Y/n) from the day we broke up. I felt this void within me. The dates I went on felt wrong- it felt like somehow I was betraying you,” He chuckles breathly. “And when I found out you were starting to date, I was jealous- god that sounds immature. The point is, I thought our breakup was for the best- but (Y/n) I think I was just scared that I was falling more in love with you. I still love you, and I don’t know if I’m making a fool- out of myself- but I know I had to try and fight for you.”

“James-” you whisper, your lower lip trembling, tears welling in your eyes, “I love you.” You wrap your arms around his neck, careful with the vase in your hand. “I missed you so much, I know we were never really apart, yet you felt so far away.”

“Yeah, I know the feeling,” James laughs, his arms find home around your waist.

“We’re fools,” You giggle, “We should have never broken up, I was only kidding myself by thinking I would ever get over you, Jamie.”

“Yeah well, I’m never letting you go now you're stuck with me, sweetheart.” He grins.

“Wouldn’t want it any other way, Potter,” You hum, placing a gentle kiss on his jaw.

“Not to ruin the moment- but why are you holding a vase?”

You smile sheepishly, “I thought you were some kind of thief.”

“I am- a thief who stole your heart,” he wiggles his eyebrows.

“You are so cheesy,” you laugh, tugging him into your apartment and closing the door behind you. You place the vase on a nearby table before turning to face James again.

“You love it.”

“Yeah, I do- now come over here and kiss me.” You grin, rocking on your heels.

He beams, placing his hands on each side of your face, pressing his lips against yours.

Mission Accomplished

Fin

——-

#james potter x reader #james potter fluff #james potter #james potter angst #mauraders #harry potter #James #james potter x y/n #james potter x fem!reader #mauraders era

[bluberryfields]

"David is very easy to fall in love with." - Michael Sheen

Hi. How are you? Good, I hope. Okay, so can we talk about just how fucking beautiful David Tennant is? And by “we” I mean “I” and by “talk” I mean “babble incoherently into the void”? Great! I’ll attempt to impose a bit of organization on this just to satisfy my pathological need to inflict structure on words (thanks college/job/brain), but I can’t promise much. Also, there will be A LOT of pictures and gifs. (you’re welcome?)

And this isn’t just because I am deep in the bottomless well of Good Omens fandom and that Crowley is basically the most breathtaking creature that has ever existed. Well, not just because of that.

*cue Aziraphale's "good lord" from 1793*

ANYWAY, like a lot of people, I became a fan of (i.e., fell deeply and irrevocably in love with) DT during his run as the 10th Doctor. He was young and bright and full of just about everything – joy, sorrow, wit – making him incredibly watchable. His look was also so charming: big bouncy rooster comb of hair, absurdly cheeky smile, expressive-as-fuck eyes and eyebrows, and a tall, lanky form that seemed to be made of rubber and the kind of granulated sugar that could only be found in candy from the 90s that are now banned in all first- and second-world countries.

So yeah, I was super into him and his Doctor’s adventures. And I continued to watch him in other projects and still swoon (looking at you, slutty Hamlet)

even at characters where that was not the desired reaction (fuck you, Kilgrave, you delicious monster).

I would also always become a bit (a lot) weak in the knees at his voice regardless of which accent he took on, though always preferring him doing any Scottish brogue because of fucking course.

Roll that tongue, you sexy beast.

But what I want to get into today is just how incredible he looks in the year of 2023.

He’s 52 years old and I am somehow even more attracted to him. Maybe it’s because I am myself older, and my tastes have matured alongside? I certainly do enjoy gray hair way more than I did 10 years ago.

He’s aged incredibly well, probably a combination of good genes and good health, and he’s clearly not clinging to the Hollywood idea of “youth”.

(insert obligatory grumble about the double standards of men being praised for aging and women being demonized…the potentially problematic nature of the term “aging well” in general…acknowledge this with my enlightened brain but ignore this with my slutty heart…fuck the patriarchy, etc. etc.)

He’s still tall and skinny, even gangly at times, all long arms and legs that can move in impossible directions with unfathomable grace.

His face is leaner, that incredible bone structure creating sharper edges that draw the eye. Speaking of the face, he’s got these creases on his forehead and at the corners of his eyes and mouth that are evidence of time spent well: smiling, laughing, living. Makes you want to trace your fingertips along each one.

Oh god that smile? Good lord. It’s weapons grade charm that can also be quite intimidating. Sweet, humble, silly, scary…full spectrum of options here! His shark smile is the definition of “irresistible” in my Dictionary of Delicious Dudes.

I am both proud of and grossed out by my own word choice.

Continuing with that face...the hawkish nose, the dimples you want to drown in, the big eyes, those motherfucking eyebrows...

I could seriously write a whole essay about those eyebrows, but I already give my therapist enough to worry about.

Oh those eyes. “Piercing” is a term usually reserved for blue eyes, but I would argue it applies to DT’s bottomless chocolate pools in that they slice through my heart every damn time.

Honorable mention does go to those Crowley snake eyes because they could have been distracting and diminishing to his overall look, but they absolutely are not.

Such a pretty shade of yellow.

Random tangent to swoon about his hands. For whatever reason, I like checking out a man’s hands, and DT’s got a set that drives me wild. I can’t even really explain why, but I just really like the way he articulates with them. Crowley is a perfect example, what with the miracle snaps, caressing globes, and holding whisky glasses. Yum.

Delicious demon digits

Fresh tangent: How does this fucker look good clean shaven, with stubble, and a goddamn beard? How is that allowed?

He's got a face that makes me wanna take up sculpting

Further, how is his fucking neck so hot? Like, seriously, show me the math. I can’t stop staring at it. And when it’s cloaked in a turtleneck? Please, sir, may I have some more?

Fuuuuuuuck

With no segue whatsoever, I am absolutely obsessed with his hair, across all contexts. Big, bold, blood-red Crowley coifs (especially in Season 2)? Check.

Proper gentleman side part? Check.

Side shave with cartoonishy springy 14th Doctor shock? Check.

Lockdown locks with and without headband? Check!

It’s a goddamn buffet of delicious options.

Oh damn speaking of that 14th Doctor look? Good fucking Christ on a buttery Ritz cracker. The whole DT collection is on display: the hair, the eyes, the bone structure, the smile, the clothes, and even the glasses!

To quote Pam on Archer, “I swear to god, you could drown a toddler in my panties right now! I mean, not that you would.”

Now that you (I) mention the clothes, I never cease to marvel at how he can wear pretty much anything and look amazing. Stripes, patterns, wild colors, etc. He just always looks…not exactly comfortable, but sort of at ease like the clothes were created with him in mind. And this goes across the spectrum of Casual to Costume to Promotional (e.g., interviews and premieres).

They are almost illegally cute together

We all know by now how ridiculously tight those Crowley pants are and how it influenced his signature serpentine swagger (thank you, Costume department, you’re the real heroes). That said, he and those slinky hips still looks so incredibly natural in them like they came from his actual closet.

Stupid sexy snek

And he pulls off the look of more ridiculous stuff like full Shakespearean costumes or that sad gray-hoodie-black-shorts-and-Wellington-boots combo from the first season of Staged. He somehow gives off the air of “whatever, they’re just clothes, man” while also looking like a damn model.

Georgia is a very lucky woman

Final thoughts: I know DT dislikes talking about how people think he’s so attractive because I’m sure it feels a bit icky if you just want to live your life and do your job. But my guy also clearly understands that he’s not some ghoul who has succeeded on incredible personality and acting chops alone. So, that said, maybe he'll forgive me for posting such a long, rambling, ode to him?

#david tennant #crowley #thank you for coming to my ted talk #really more of a david talk #i feel very normal about him #not at all feral or rabid #staged #doctor who #10th doctor #14th doctor #kilgrave #good omens gifs #good omens #good omens 2 #gif warning #slinky hips #crowley's hair is like a separate character #both an appreciation AND an objectification #Youtube #i just really like hands ok #they grow them differently in Scotland #he's got hands that I want to touch and be touched by

[ugh-yoongi]

Hi. Can I request a drabble with Jungkook where they’re in a secret relationship and they think their friends are not aware of it but they’re actually really bad at hiding it. Thank you!

decided to combine these two. thank you both for the requests!

this one ran away from me but was really fun, so we're going to ignore the wordcount. hope you both enjoy! <3

obviously

pairing: jungkook x f. reader genre: secret relationship au, roommate au; crack, fluff warnings: two idiots engaging in idiot behavior, swearing, yoongi is tortured by reader's use of emojis, drinking/alcohol, one reference to jungkook wearing women's underwear but it isn't a thing, unedited. rating: e for everyone wordcount: 3.7k

In retrospect, getting married at nineteen wasn’t your brightest idea.

Not your worst, either, because at least you’d chosen well.

There are undoubtedly far worse men to have as your ex-husband than Kim Namjoon, who had also gotten caught up in all those romantic cliches about young love; had also been inflicted with whatever illness made you believe getting married so young was smart and cool; had also woken up one day and thought what the fuck are we doing and asked if you wanted to call it quits.

You did.

And even though you loved Namjoon, over time it turned into that platonic life partner kind of love and not that all-encompassing, love of your life, eternal kind of love. So, Namjoon offered to pay for the divorce with his grad school stipend and took his name off the lease so you could find a new roommate and insisted on meeting up every other week for takeout and cheap alcohol because he had a whole thing about not wanting it to be weird.

Now, here you sit, years removed from the most affectionate and anticlimactic divorce of all time, and you wonder what could be more weird than your ex-husband making you a Tinder profile.

“I know what you like,” he insists, cheeks ruddy from the wine. Namjoon talks endlessly on a good day, but he’s nearly impenetrable when he’s got some merlot in him. “No one’s more qualified to do this than me.” You quirk an eyebrow at him. “Except you, of course,” he hurriedly adds.

“Have you ever stopped to think—”

Namjoon heaves an exaggerated groan, hand to his forehead as if he’s suffering a Victorian ailment. “You have no idea.”

You roll your eyes. “Have you ever stopped to think,” you repeat, “that there might be a reason I don’t have a Tinder? Or any dating profile, for that matter?”

“Yeah, you’re obviously still in love with me,” he jokes, laughing wildly at the absurdity of it; elbows you in the side as he wiggles his eyebrows. What could be weirder than your ex-husband treating you like one of his bros? “But alas, I’ve moved on, and so the time has come for you to also—”

“Either shut up or drink more,” you interject, filling his glass nearly to the brim. “You’re insufferable when you’re like this.”

Namjoon, seemingly out of arguments, simply hums in acknowledgment. Downs half the wine you’d just poured him, because out of the two options you’d presented him with, it’s the more realistic choice. Asks, “What’s your preferred age range?” before snorting another laugh and setting it from 18 to 50 for his own amusement.

“You know, I really don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Why not?” he retorts, and there’s no judgment there, just genuine curiosity. You know he’s just having a laugh, would delete it and never mention it again if you asked him to, but the thing is—

The front door opens, and there stands your roommate, arms full of bags from Daiso. “Hey, ba—”

Jungkook stops dead in his tracks when he sees your ex-husband. Coughs to cover the pet name that nearly tumbled out of his mouth and lifts his hand in a wave. Namjoon watches the way the weight of the bags causes the muscles in Jungkook’s forearm to flex and shoots you a look. Maybe he does know what you like, after all.

“Hi, Namjoon-hyung,” Jungkook says, polite but still awkward, even after all these years. Can’t seem to shake it, no matter how hard he tries. “What are you two up to?”

Namjoon is none the wiser, used to the hushed awe Jungkook always adopts when he addresses him. Polite and endlessly kind because his mother raised him to never be anything less, but only ever jittery around Namjoon. Doesn’t act like this around any of your other friends; takes Seokjin’s teasing in stride and dishes it right back, but never Namjoon. Would probably rather die.

So Namjoon just waves back, says, “Hi, Jungkook-ah,” before he returns his attention to his phone. Doesn’t look up when you abandon him on the couch to help unpack the bags. Says, “I’m signing her up for Tinder so she can finally get laid,” and also doesn’t look up when Jungkook chokes on an inhale and one of the bags splits in half.

Before he moved in with you, Jungkook lived with Hoseok.

It’d gone great, all things considered. Jungkook couldn’t have asked for a better first roommate, fresh out of high school and his family home and hundreds of kilometers from the salty air of Busan. He’d nearly been sick with anxiety, all green around the edges, and Hoseok had pulled him into a hug and calmed his fraying nerves. Helped him with his homework and taught him how to cook and pecked at his heels like a mother hen when his room got too messy.

Just like he’s doing now.

“Hyung,” Jungkook says, not at all able to hide the surprise in his voice when he pulls open the door and finds Hoseok on the other side. “What are you doing here?”

Hoseok tuts. “I told you I was coming by this weekend to clean. I haven’t been here in weeks—”

“I know how to clean,” Jungkook argues, face growing warm from misplaced embarrassment, that Hoseok still thinks he’s a dumb kid who doesn’t know any better. “I said you didn’t have to come.”

His hyung’s face softens. “I know you know how to clean, Jungkookie, I’m just… I still feel responsible for you. You’re the first child I raised and released into the world.”

Jungkook sighs. Knows this is a losing argument. Opens the door wide enough to accommodate Hoseok and his bags of cleaning supplies, and doesn’t say a word as he follows Hoseok around the apartment even though he wants to say, I told you so. The entire place is spotless. There’s nothing to clean. No dust on the floor. Sparkling kitchen countertops. Laundry freshly-washed and hung on the drying rack by the window, warm in the midday sun. No toothpaste in the bathroom sink; no hard water stains on the shower glass.

All that’s left is Jungkook’s bedroom. That, too, is spotless, and Hoseok has never had a poker face and certainly can’t muster one now. “Why is it so clean in here?” he asks, taking in the bare floor, void of dirty clothes and whatever hobby equipment Jungkook had taken up that week; the pristinely-made bed with its hospital corners and fluffed pillows; the end tables that are suspiciously void of dust.

“Because I know how to clean,” Jungkook tartly replies, rolling his eyes. “I told you, there’s—”

“Are you even living in here?” Hoseok continues, either oblivious to or pointedly ignoring the way Jungkook starts to panic. “Because it doesn’t smell weird, either, and we all know that wasn’t the case before.”

“I have an air freshener.”

“Uh-huh.”

Hoseok continues his search. Actually praises Jungkook on the way he’d organized his clothes, the fact that everything in his drawers is folded and not shoved in haphazardly, that the few nice pieces he owns are hung in the closet. Kneels on the floor to check under the bed: empty, except for the XBox controller Taehyung had left behind the last time he came over to binge Valorant.

And Jungkook should’ve known—should’ve anticipated this—because it’s his Hobi-hyung and if there’s anything his Hobi-hyung is neurotic about it’s cleanliness and he’s got eyes like a hawk, makes him deadly efficient at spotting dust, so it’s really no surprise when he lets out a shrill a-ha! and pops out from under the bed with a pair of lacy underwear pinched between his fingers, but Jungkook should’ve anticipated it, anyway.

“And what do we have here?”

What Hoseok has here is Jungkook’s favorite pair of your underwear, but he can’t say that, so he just feels the way his face flushes with embarrassment again and wonders if he’d get out of the impending interrogation if he starts crying. “Um. Nothing?”

“Sure doesn’t look like nothing,” Hoseok continues, voice animated and lilting, the teasing smile evident even though Jungkook can’t bring himself to look. “Can’t believe my little Jungkookie is all grown up.”

Jungkook doesn’t feel grown up, he feels mortified. Feels like he wants to sink right through the floor, like he wants to disappear for three to five business years. Feels like an idiot for being so insistent on all this secrecy, because now he can’t tell Hoseok that the lacy underwear he’s inspecting belongs to you and that the two of you have been together for a while, that it’s great, Jungkook thinks this might be It, and all he can do is blurt out the first thing he can think of, which is—

“It’s mine.” Hoseok’s head turns so fast his neck creaks. “I’m, uh. Experimenting.”

Hoseok shrieks. Jungkook shrieks. “What the fuck,” Hoseok shrieks again as he drops the underwear to the floor and kicks it under the bed. “Why wouldn’t you just say that—”

“That’s what you get for going through my stuff!”

Hoseok doesn’t come over to clean again.

On the weeks you don’t see Namjoon, you spend your Fridays having game night at Jimin’s.

It’s always a raucous affair—wouldn’t be possible any other way with the friend group you’ve got, now seamlessly blended with Jungkook’s—and it’s always your responsibility to supply the snacks. You pop into the store after work, leave with your arms full of junk like you looted the place, and the man in front of you in line takes so long you miss the bus and have to wait for the next.

Which leaves you very little time to get ready, so you rush through a shower to rinse off the work grime and grab the first pair of leggings and sweatshirt you see, slip your feet into slides that may or may not be yours, and run down the hall to Jimin’s.

Laughter can be heard from just outside the door—Hobi’s and Jin’s louder than everyone—and it makes you smile. Warmth blooms in your chest, all affection, and it has you feeling terribly fond of this group you’ve cobbled together. Has you smiling wider as you punch in Jimin’s door code and let yourself inside. Has you dropping off the snacks in the kitchen and wanting to hug the first person you find, except one Park Jimin has other plans.

“Why are you wearing Jungkookie’s hoodie?” he says in lieu of a greeting.

You look down. Certainly is Jungkook’s hoodie, mixed in with the clean laundry you hadn’t gotten around to putting away yet, and you’re sure there’s no hiding the way your jaw drops a little. The man in question is across the room, stuck in a conversation about fuck knows what with Taehyung, and he sends you a panicked look that can only be an instruction to lie your ass off. So you huff, say, “What d’you mean? This is mine,” and paint on the most annoyed expression you can conjure.

“It absolutely is not yours,” Jimin retorts.

This time you look annoyed for real. “Ugh, who cares? Since when did you become an expert on our personal belongings?”

When you first met Jimin, you’d been tricked into thinking he was a sweet, innocent angel; the kind of person who would do anything for his loved ones, including not interrogating them over whose clothes they wear. Quickly, you learned this was not the case. Jimin is lovely and kind, but he’s also perceptive as hell and shameless, so he smirks knowingly and answers with, “Since I bought them.”

Which… makes sense, you can admit. You vaguely recall Jungkook’s last birthday and the way he’d gasped and insisted on Jimin returning the hoodie he’d gifted him because it was too expensive and the way Jimin had laughed and waved him off, because Jungkook has always been his favorite and he’s never attempted to hide it. The hoodie you’re wearing now could, theoretically, be that exact gift. It’s definitely soft enough to be made from something expensive.

“Oh,” you reply, changing gears entirely. “Well, you know how it is. Sometimes laundry gets mixed up. I’m sure you and Taehyung have worn each other’s clothes by accident, too.”

Jimin doesn’t buy it, you can tell, but he thankfully drops the issue. Watches you and Jungkook like a hawk for the rest of the night, just waiting to capitalize on any other slip-ups, but you purposely fall into a conversation with Yoongi that’s too boring for any normal human to follow along with, and Jungkook calls dibs on Mario Kart until someone can beat him, so there are no slip-ups to catch.

However, if the one constant of your friend group is that Jungkook is Jimin’s favorite regardless of Taehyung’s pouting, the second is that Jung Hoseok cannot hold his liquor.

He’s four mixed drinks deep, skin flushed and eyes half-lidded with sleep, when he stands on top of Taehyung and Jimin’s coffee table and shouts, for everyone to hear, “Hey, did you guys know Jungkookie started wearing women’s underwear?”

For once, this comes as a complete shock to you, too.

The thing about being in love, Jungkook finds, is that it’s nearly impossible to shut up about it.

He’s trying to be cool. He’s trying to be normal. He feigns delight and care when his coworkers talk about their partners, pretends he’s paying attention and not just waiting for his turn to talk about you. He prints pictures of the two of you off his phone and frames them and displays them at his desk, and all someone has to say is, “That’s a cute picture, Jungkook-ssi—” before all his affection for you erupts out of him like a volcano.

So far he’s been careful. His coworkers are sick of hearing about you, but they’re an outlet for everyone he can’t talk about you with. Like his friends, because he’d decided early on it was better to keep everything a secret for a little bit because he didn’t want things to be weird (and because he’s low-key terrified of Namjoon, because he’s gentle and clumsy but he’s still big) and now he’s regretting it but it feels like it’s gone on too long and he’s in too deep.

Really, it’s no surprise he slips up. Has probably been overdue for one like this for a while.

They’re at the arcade. Taehyung has sunk the last of his disposable income for the week into a claw machine stocked with LINE characters. Wants to win a Sally plushie for Jimin because he says they look alike. It’s cute, the bond they have, platonic soulmates the way you and Namjoon are, and Jungkook is starry-eyed and love-drunk when he heaves a wistful sigh and thinks out loud, “I should win something for her, too.”

The words catch Taehyung so off-guard his hand slips and presses the button to lower the claw. “Press it again,” Jungkook says. “If you double-press the button, it makes the claw stronger. You’ll get it.”

Taehyung is wary, still dazed from Jungkook’s slip-up, but he presses the button again anyway. The claw tightens around Sally’s head and drags her up and out of the pile, drops her into the chute and to Taehyung’s waiting hand. “Oh shit! Jungkookie, you’re a genius. Jimin’s gonna love this.”

“Yeah, sure. Didn’t know you didn’t know that trick or I would’ve told you sooner.”

His hyung nods absentmindedly, distracted with the selfie he’s sending to Jimin with Sally obscuring half his face. “Are you gonna try now?”

Jungkook swallows. “Huh?”

“You said you were gonna win something for someone.”

“No I didn’t,” he lies.

Taehyung’s face drops. Gets all serious when he shoves his phone in his back pocket. “Yes you did. Right before I won this,” he says, large hands wrapped around Sally’s poor neck, clearly strangling her. “You said I should win something for her, too. Who’s ‘her’? Are you seeing someone?”

“I said him, hyung,” he lies again. Is thankful for the garish arcade lights and the way they hide the blush creeping up his neck. “I meant Jimin-hyung.”

“You did not,” Taehyung insists. “You said her, and now you’re trying to gaslight me—”

Jungkook rolls his eyes. Feigns exasperation. Swipes his game card and stares his hyung right in the eye as he drops the claw and double-taps, somehow picking up two plushies. Tosses Brown to Taehyung and says, “Tell Jimin his favorite dongsaeng won him that one.”

Tucks Cony safely in his pocket to give to you later, thankful the universe came through for him for once.

You (10:42pm): babe

You (10:42pm): what time do you think you’ll be home?

You (10:43pm): 🍆🍆🍆

Yoongi (11:06pm): What the fuck

You (11:08pm): oh fuck

You (11:08pm): that was NOT meant for you

Yoongi (11:14pm): Fucking obviously

Yoongi (11:14pm): Please do not ever accidentally sext me again

You (11:15pm): gross yoongi

You (11:15pm): that wasn’t a sext

You (11:15pm): i need it for the bokkeum i’m making

Yoongi (11:17pm): At midnight? Fuck off

Yoongi (11:17pm): Trade proposal

Yoongi (11:17pm): You never accidentally sext me again and I won’t tell the rest of our friends you’re secretly dating your roommate

You (11:29pm): it’s not even midnight 🙄

You (11:29pm): but that sounds good to me, thanks!

Hoseok had taught Jungkook how to cook, but not how to bake.

They’d attempted it, once, not long after Jungkook moved to Seoul and was homesick and missing his mom’s yaksik something terrible. Just wanted something that tasted like home, something comforting, and Hoseok had felt so bad for him that he said fuck it, let’s try, what’s the worst that could happen, and the two of them learned very quickly that nearly burning down their kitchen and the rest of their building was, in fact, the worst thing that could happen.

They never tried baking a damn thing after that, individually or together.

Still, there’s a special occasion coming up, so Jungkook asks the only person he trusts to help him.

“You need a cake,” Seokjin intones, swallowing his smile when Jungkook nods and his mop of curls bobbles along. Takes out a notepad to jot down ideas. “What’s the occasion?”

“Um. Just an… occasion.”

Seokjin blinks owlishly. “You just need a cake for an occasion? Do you wanna try again and actually be helpful this time?”

“What does it matter if I’m paying you, hyung?” Jungkook whines. “Aren’t cakes all the same?”

“Not if you want me to decorate it—”

“I don’t.”

“—because what am I supposed to write on it? Happy occasion, person whose name Jungkookie won’t tell me! Do you see how that might not work out for either of us?”

“Again, what does it matter—”

Seokjin looks up from his notepad, brows furrowed. “Are you ordering this for the president? What’s with all the secrecy?”

Jungkook huffs, puts on his Very Serious Face. “I can just take my business elsewhere if you’re going to interrogate me, hyung,” he says, to which Seokjin rolls his eyes, used to Jungkook’s dramatics.

“Be my guest,” he calls his bluff, gesturing to the front door of the bakery. “No one else is going to give you as good a discount as me, though.”

“I bet Junghwan-ssi would,” Jungkook grumbles, low but loud enough for Seokjin to hear, because there isn’t much else Jungkook can say that’d get under his hyung’s skin as much as the mention of his arch nemesis. “I bet I could walk into his bakery right now and explain the whole situation to him and he’d practically give it to me for free, just so it meant you didn’t get my business.”

And it works. Seokjin’s eyes narrow, chest starts heaving. “You wouldn’t,” he accuses, and Jungkook just shrugs, nonplussed, daring Seokjin to find out.

What follows can only be described as a tense standoff: Seokjin behind the counter of his bakery, looking hilariously underdressed for this stalemate in his pink apron, armed only with a pen; Jungkook, looking smug and pleased on the other side, not even knowing what Junghwan’s bakery is called, let alone where it is. The bell above the door chimes and neither breaks eye contact to look, and it’d probably go on like this forever, knowing the two of them, except the person behind Jungkook clears their throat, asks, “Excuse me, are you in line…?” and Seokjin is forced to concede if he wants to stay in business.

The person orders a cake for their daughter’s birthday. Answers each of Seokjin’s questions with certainty and preparedness, and Jungkook doesn’t miss the looks Seokjin shoots at him. See how easy it is to answer simple questions? they say. Why can’t you be like this?

Jungkook can’t be like that because the cake is for your birthday. Which Seokjin knows, because he has all of his friends’ birthdays saved to his phone calendar, but he’s never gone out of his way to get you a cake before so Seokjin will absolutely know something’s up. And as he waits for the person to be done ordering, his heart aches a little, because he wants to tell Seokjin to make you the nicest cake he can. Wants him to pull out all the stops, because it’s your birthday and you deserve it, and he could say all those things if he hadn’t insisted on this stupid secrecy.

Guilt consumes him so entirely he doesn’t notice the person leaving. Doesn’t hear the chime of the bell above the door. Is halfway to spilling the entire story to Seokjin, gets as far as hyung, there’s something I— before Seokjin holds up a hand to stop him.

“What kind of cake would you like, Jungkookie?”

Jungkook deflates. Takes all those transgressions he was about to confess to and shoves them back inside his chest, locks them away. “Whatever you think is best, hyung. Just no nuts.”

And Seokjin smirks knowingly, because there’s only one person he knows with a nut allergy.

#work: 1kfm #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook x y/n #jungkook fluff #jungkook imagine #jungkook fanfic #bts x reader #bts x you #bts x y/n #bts fluff #bts fanfic #bts imagines #bts scenarios #jewel answers #jewel writes

[love-lilly02]

The Challenge pt. 4

AN: This chapter was supposed to be out yesterday but I got kinda sick so I couldn't edit it, Anyways, enjoy!!

“Would you mind spotting me?” 

The question seems innocent enough, if you weren’t asking it to the scariest man on the base, much less your lieutenant.

Ghost lifted his head from where he was sitting on a bench, unwrapping his hands after his own training session. 

You quickly back tracked at his expression, rethinking your choice. “You don’t have too, I think I got this set-“

“No, no I got it.” He stood, moving behind you, standing a little too close, but you chose to ignore it. 

The set was fairly easy, and you finished quickly, thanking him quietly as you moved to put the weights back on their stand. 

“Can I ask you somethin?” Ghost questioned, and you turned to see that he was studying you intently. 

“Yeah?” You prompted, tilting your head slightly. 

“That bet… Why’d you do it?” 

You shrugged. “I was drunk, mostly. Figured there couldn’t be any harm. What’s the worst that can happen, anyways?” 

That made him chuckle. “You have no idea, do you?” 

“What do you mean?” You asked, furrowing your brow in confusion. The tall man walked closer to you, moving you slowly till your back hit the wall. 

“This ain’t just a game to those boys, it’s a challenge. Whoever wins you won’t be kind, I hope you know that.” He places an arm above your head, effectively pinning you against the wall. You can feel his breath through the mask, and the warmth against your neck sends a shiver down your spine. 

“Honestly, darlin’ You’re a right fuckin tease when you wanna be, hm? Acting all innocent, like you don’t know how much we all want to-“

“I’ve got it!!” 

Soap’s voice cut through the whole training room, as he ran in frantically waving a piece of paper in the air. “I found one! Take that bitch, I’m in the lead!” 

“Wait, what? Found what?” You and Ghost jumped apart from each other, both running over to where Johnny was doing a -frankly crude- victory dance. Your heart was absolutely pounding, heat still flying through your body at the encounter with Ghost. 

We all want to what? What do they want to do…

“You did not find it, I did.” Kyle huffed, diving for the photo in Soap’s hand. “Give it back you pathetic excuse for a-“ 

“Hey,” Price said in warning. Kyle just huffed and backed away from Soap. 

“Finders keepers,” Soap teased in a sing song voice, throwing the photo on the bench. “The first of ten. Which puts me in the lead.” 

“You aren’t in the lead if you stole a photo, that’s not how it works.” Ghost said, kneeling down to pick up the image.

“Like I said, finders keepers. S’not my fault Gaz wanted tae hoard the photos till ‘e got all ten. His loss aye?” Soap nudged you playfully on the shoulder, but you were too busy trying to see the image to acknowledge him. 

Gaz looked pathetically over to Price, opening his mouth to plead his case. Price beat him to it, however. “Soap, that’s not nice. Gaz found it, he takes the credit.”

“Awe, come off it captain, It’s just a bit of fun  huh?” 

“Johnny.”

“Yes sir.”

“Still dont think it’s fair,” Ghost threw in. 

“Whadya mean? I found the image-“ Kyle protested, turning to Ghost now. 

“Yeah but from where?” Ghost challenged, placing the photo back on the bench 

“Online? Don’t see how it matters, it’s a photo.” 

“But it’s not creditable, this could be edited-“

And so it continued. You had long since tuned out the bickering, leaning down to look at the photo. It did look like you, a smiling child holding an award for something you couldn’t really read. 

The closer you looked, however, the more you started to see the imperfections. The girl in the photo had straight hair, at that age yours was more curly. And she was holding a ball in her hands, a basketball. 

Of all the sports you played, basketball was never one of them. 

“That’s not me.”

They were still shouting, yelling over each other to be heard above the voices. Johnny was pressing Kyle for where he got the information, and Kyle was refusing to say, under the excuse it would give them a ‘better advantage’ than he had. Johnny was still trying to insist they should share the win, and Price was just yelling for everyone to calm the fuck down. 

“Hello?” You called, trying to raise your voice above all of them. “Hey, I said that isn’t me.”

But the yelling continued. It seemed to go on forever, all of them arguing over one small image. The topic slowly changed, however, till they started crossing into uncharted territory. 

“Look-“ Gaz snapped, breathing heavily. “I found the photo, just like the deal said. That makes one out of ten for me. You lot can do what you will but I’m not sharing.”

“You didn’t have a problem sharing last night, isn’t that right?” Ghost hissed, and the gym was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Your head ached trying to figure out what the boys were saying, the double meanings behind everything, but you couldn’t keep up. 

“I don’t give a fuck what I did and didn’t do last night, what’s fair is fair.” Kyle snapped, turning to grab the photo. 

“You’re just mad cause you don’t want to think about one of us fu-“ 

“That’s enough!” Now it was you who was yelling, and the boys watching you in disbelief. 

“Look, this isn’t like that, okay! I’m sick of you all objectifying me like i’m some fucking doll. I don’t know what side bets you have going on but I want out of this one. I made the deal drunk and you all watched me try to get out of it the next morning, and now you’re yelling like fucking children over a picture that doesn’t even have me in it. I never even did basketball for fucks sake! And you would know this if you acted like normal fucking human beings, much less behave like the grown men you are and ask me.” They all looked at you in absolute shame, as you threw the photo on the ground. 

“And for the record, I am not fucking one of you on a deal. I don’t work like that so get the thought out of your head.”

You shoved past the wall of muscle made up by both Price and Ghost, storming off to your room.

For the longest time, he sat there and thought about exactly what happened in the gym. 

Kyle was no fool. He understood what bringing up the photo would do, and he knew Soap would try and take the credit, as they had agreed the night before. 

He didn’t actually know why he changed his mind. Kyle had no problem sharing you with the others, they were right anyways. 

He shared all the time. 

But something about introducing you to… this… scared him. As if they could frighten you off. 

He knew that wasn’t true, so why did he think that way?

An apology message sat, typed out on his phone. He was procrastinating, heavily, on sending it, worried that it might be a little too much for you to handle. 

Was it? You had taken your the whole team so nicely, he thought you would be ready… 

 More photos of you sad scattered on his desk. A lot of them looked like what Price had found before, a bunch of family photos with you missing or images of a girl who looked exactly like you but she wasn’t you. 

Today’s events proved that. 

Anyone else might have been saddened at the revelation. Putting weeks of work into one image, just to be wrong? Enough to crush a man, if it was done correctly.  

But Kyle Gaz Garric is no ordinary man.

Before he can think about it too much, he hurriedly hits send on the message and closes his phone. 

Now, we wait.

My Masterlist

#cod x reader #poly 141 x reader #task force 141 x reader #simon riley x reader #poly 141 #john price x reader #simon ghost x reader #john soap mactavish #kyle gaz garrick

[weebsinstash]

Hello! I don’t know if you do this but I was wondering what your thoughts were for a Yandere Lucifer Morningstar from Hazbin Hotel? I’m having trouble writing a good representation of him and would like some advice.

Honestly I'm gonna humble myself and say that it took reading someone else's post to make me like, REALLY notice the nuances of Lucifer's character

This post right here literally made me rewatch his scenes and go "oh wow he IS like DANGEROUSLY DEPRESSED"

He doesn't remember Charlie told him where she is, or what she's doing, and he can barely follow a conversation despite clearly trying to pay attention. He also just seems kind of scattered, and um, HE LITERALLY MAKES A JOKE ABOUT DYING FROM FALLING OFF THE HOTEL BALCONY like dude is making jokes about death in front of his fucking daughter, like my dudes, I think this guy is BARELY holding himself together

He clearly loves loves LOVES Charlie but he doesn't really know how to properly articulate himself and I have a feeling there's a lot he's concealing from her, and another big question is, is his depression from being cast out of Heaven, or from something to do with his missing wife, or a combination of both? Either way this man is clearly dealing with like, really bad issues. And Charlie also mentioned he wasn't around a whole lot when she was younger, so... did he have depression back then too?

So, that all said, I feel like a yandere Lucifer would almost be, potentially invigorated by his darling? Given a new lease on life? He may not be 100% his old self again but, you get him to like, 65, maybe 70% on a good day. You give him another reason to get out of bed in the morning, or afternoon, or evening or, whenever he can drag his depressed ass out of bed

Given what we currently know, I feel like a romantic yandere Lucifer would pretend to only be platonic and do his best to poorly conceal his feelings because of his whole... "can't ask his missing wife if it's ok for you to be their third" ordeal, the man still wears his wedding ring, and a platonic yandere Lucifer basically adopts you like another kid, because uh, I mean for one he apparently canonically missed a lot of Charlie's childhood, and he's also an ancient fallen angel, so he's got that age advantage on you no matter how old you are. I mean what are a few decades when he's literally thousands upon thousands upon thousands--you get the idea

Yandere Lucifer would want to stay close to you, helping watch over you, maaaaaybe being overly paranoid about you randomly disappearing and going missing For Very Obvious Reasons, and in the process he winds up being unintentionally overbearing. I mean, he did it in irritation, but he basically showed up at Charlie's hotel immediately saying it was a dump and all of HER FRIENDS were 'a bunch of losers'. He never completely pulls his punches when there's something he's displeased with, even if it has something to do with someone he loves, so his darling would get much of the same treatment. "Ohhhhh, you uh, you wanted to move across the city? That's, um, definitely a fun idea! BuuuuuUuuut, what IF, instead of doing that--", like, he tries to playfully tug you in 'the right direction' until you make him put his foot down

Hmmm... what would him losing his cool look like... well, we've already seen that he doesn't mind throwing hands and WILL KILL, but will stop if he's asked to or there's a good reason. With you, though, you're not typically going to be there to stop him from offing any rivals or bad influences, so I imagine he'd be kinda casual about it, actually! He already thinks pretty lowly of Sinners, so say he finds out you've been ditching him and Charlie to go out drinking with strangers, making new friends, maybe having a few one night stands? Yeah, some of those people definitely aren't calling you back, and Lucifer doesn't really see a problem with it. These people are kind of the worst and really don't deserve you, anyways! If anything he's helping clean up Hell for you and his daughter and keeping you safe :)

Losing his cool with YOU... I think would involve him using his powers to finally confine you, maybe even going demon mode to intimidate you into submission in a very dad-esque "now you listen HERE" kind of way. We don't really know the scope and scale of his powers but I can picture him at least being, obviously much stronger than he looks, and transforming to fly you "back home" where he puts you in your room where no one can reach you without his explicit permission (and you also can't leave~)

One second you're just drunk and jokingly defying him, teasing him, maybe even picking him up and swinging him around because you're bigger than him, to you he's just a silly little guy! Meanwhile this Grown Ass Man Who Is Also The Actual Devil is getting more than just a little frustrated you basically view him as a wacky little cartoon more than a grown man, one who has had sex and has had two wives and sired a child. You're just teasing him and stumbling around drunk when he's trying to get you to your hotel room to get to bed to sleep, like you're clearly not taking him seriously, maybe even playfully putting your hands on him (TOTALLY not riling him up in 'fun' ways) and he finally just huffs and snaps his fingers and, you're suddenly magic'd to bed! You're laying there blinking confused and he's tucking you in and chuckling that "you're such a handful!" before leaving you to sleep and somehow INSTANTLY knowing when you're up.

You ARE in his house, after all...

Not to be gross but uh..... I'm not saying "yandere Lucifer who has the power to still get a Sinner pregnant if he wanted to and you wind up fooling around with him and you're waking up with his little apple symbol on your lower tummy as one of those like hentai womb tattoos to show you're pregnant" but uhhhhhhhhhhyeah that's what I'm saying, and whether it was accidentally or intentionally, he's keeping it, and thus, keeping YOU

I just feel like he'd be very goofy and awkward and bad at hiding his feelings and being very clearly overprotective and jealous in ways everyone else but you manages to pick up on (god Alastor would have some MATERIAL) and, in a romantic/sexual setting he eventually just loses his patience with you not seeing him as a man and just gets... progressively more forward. You pop back into the Hotel after a night out and Lucifer's already hammered at the bar with Husk, stumbling up to you, hanging off of you, slurring and embarrassing himself, "You'reeeee SO pretty... like SO pretty.... do you wanna have *BELCH* you wanna fuck? Cause I LOVE to fuck, like when I FUCKED my wife to make my DAUGHTER, my wife and daughter that I have, 'cuz im a DAD, 'cuz I'm a MAN!" and you're just giggling and ruffling his hair, "You're so weird, dude ^^" and walking away while Lucifer internally screams, wondering just how DIRECT with you he's going to have to be

meanwhile Charlie is totally cool with all of this and sees this as a weird double whammy of Curing Dad's Depression + new family member and friend hurray! and she's totally actively either shipping you with her dad or aiding and abetting him in his weird attempts to absorb you into the Morningstar family

#yandere hazbin hotel #yandere hellaverse #yandere x reader #hh #sinprompts

[gabessquishytum]

Happy Holidays!!! 🎄🎄

Dream used to be one of the most sought-after, highly priced, escorts in the city. His "boyfriend" experience was second to none, and he never caught feelings (wellllll, there was.....). In any event, he's out of the business and happy and successful doing his art. He doesn't even keep a hand in, he's done, so he wasn't expecting a call from his old madam on a random Tuesday. It's only because he owes Joanna a favor that he even picks up.

Ever direct, Joanna said that one of his old clients specifically asked for a date with him. Now this wasn't the first time that's happened since Dream got out of the business, but this is the first time the requester was Robert Gadling.

Robert Gadling was a name he hadn't heard in ages. For a time, Hob was a regular. He was a work hard, no time for play, tech guy, building his company one long night after the other, and he didn’t really have time (make time) for dating. Dream thought he was fantastic, and if their relationship wasn't transactional, Dream would have let those feelings he was catching take stronger hold.

At some point Hob met his Eleanor and had one last "date" with Dream and went off to eventually get married and live that life, a life without Dream. Dream didn't even keep tabs, that would have been so bad for his mental health, but last he heard, Hob sold his company for billions and stepped back to be with his family. Dream was (bittersweetly) happy for him.

Dream didn't know if he......, he said yes right away.

When Dream was ushered into the mansion by the sea, he wasn't sure what he was expecting, but it wasn't a giggling, streaking, wet toddler, who proceeded to use his leg to hide from his equally wet father --- the years have been super kind to Hob, "DILF" suited him. Hob still blushed, and tugged on his ear, the same; saying he hoped to have Robin down before Dream arrived. Hob never ceased to charm Dream, so Dream offered to help with bedtime.

Once Robin was down for the night (although, having a whole new,,,pretty,,, person around didn't help calming Robin down), Hob apologized for calling his old work number, but he didn't know how else to not so creepily contact Dream.

Hob was a retired widower now and could use a friend, especially one that might not mind being more,,,,without payment involved.

Oh hell yeah!!! Former lovers reconnecting is such a cute idea. I definitely think that Dream would get to a point where he's craving love, and Hob is out here with so MUCH love to give him! Truth is, Hob is so tired of being on his own (as much as he loves his son, he is clawing at the walls because he needs adult conversation). Hob would take anything that Dream would give him, and Dream is hesitantly hopeful.

As they renew their friendship, Dream sees that Hob is definitely a different man to the cocky, slightly crazy businessman he knew all those years ago. He's devoted to his son, he cooks, he's domestic, he wears jeans and football shirts and his hair is going grey. Dream falls in love at the mere sight of him. And Hob is also shyer than he used to be. He keeps blushing. Fortunately, Robin is happy to hold the conversation. Hob doesn't seem to mind having Dream around his son - he never mentions Dream’s previous career or makes any crude jokes. He just gazes, mildly starstruck, as Dream tells Robin a dozen shark facts and offers to paint one for his bedroom.

Inevitably they fall into each other's arms once Robin is tucked up in bed (Dream read his bedtime story). They snuggle up on the sofa and make out like teens, and go to bed without actually having sex. It's the reassurance Dream didn't know he needed, and when he wakes up to find Hob smiling at him and offering breakfast in bed? This time he's really hoping that he'll be allowed to stay forever.

#the sandman #dreamling #nsft

[stargazing15]

Now that we meet again

Bradley Bradshaw x you

Summary: For five summers you were Bradley’s summer love (aka each others first love), until he joined the Navy. What would happen when you two stumble unto each other at the Hard Deck 15 years later?

Warning: no use of y/n, mention of alcohol consumption, teasing, smut, oral (f receiving), p in v, protected sex, adult banter. Minors DNI 18+

A/N: saw this post from @roostersforevergirl and got the idea. This is long, whoops, I am not sorry at all

Enjoy! ❤️

You had to blink twice, after your initial thoughts got confirmed by hearing the name.

“Bradshaw, you gonna take the shot or what?” Bradley had noticed you too and started to make his way over, after shoving the pool cue in the blond haired man’s hands.

“It is really you. Wow, long has it been? You look good, no, you look fucking great Bubbles.”

“About 15 years I guess. B, you aged well too. Where did that cute babyface go?” The hug was more than welcome. “God I missed you.” As you were about to tickle him, you weren’t feeling the soft belly under your fingers that you were used to feel, but rock hard yummy abs.

“Liking what you feel?” Oh Jesus that smirk combined with those puppy eyes, he still knew how to get to you. Definitely no alcohol tonight as you wanted to make sure to remember every single second clearly.

“Hell yeah, the scruff too. These muscles and the fact you didn't coming back during the next summers, does that mean you did it?” 

“Yup, Lieutenant Bradshaw at your service.” He said after taking a sip of his beer, of course letting a droplet beer escape and drip down his lip, to his chin, down his neck, okay, you were a goner already.

“Hmm, you know I like men in a uniform, care to introduce me to those hunks over there? Seems my colleagues already ditched me.” He smirked at your first remark.

“One sec Bubbles, just so I know I wouldn’t cross a line. Since I don’t see a ring, any boyfriend I need to watch out for?” He actually was right to ask that as you were about to flirt shamelessly with each other for the rest of the evening.

“Nope, still waiting for you B,” you teased. “And on your side? So my eyes wouldn’t get scratched out.”

“Same, I was searching for you. Let me introduce to that bunch of idiots I call friends.”

“Bradshaw, since you brought the lovely lady over, apology accepted. Hangman is the name, but you can call me Jake.” The blonde one winked.

“Hangman, stuck in kindergarten?” He had never expected that answer from you while displaying your cutest face.

“Callsign darling. Please don’t tell me you’re his sister or something?”

“Ew no.”

“Bagman shut it.” Bradley introduced you to the group and vice versa.

“B, you have a callsign too?” Everyone told you theirs, but Bradley stayed awfully quiet next to you.

“He hasn’t told you yet? It’s one close to his father’s, to honor him and he's always the first one up, Rooster.” You choked on the water you were trying to drink. They all knew now with certainty, that was not the complete story behind his callsign.

“You’ve got to be shitting me B.”

“Darlin, you know the real story?” The blonde one asked you. You looked with a little mischievous smile at Bradley. Trying to warn you, Bradley signalled you with his eyes.

“Oh come on B, don’t give me that look, don’t they deserve to know?”

“Bubbles, pretty please?” And like that puppy eyes appeared again, but you were enjoying this way too much knowing his mind and dick were about take a little trip down memory lane.

“Wait, you’re THE Bubbles?” Natasha, the only girl in the group you learned, asked you/ screamed for the whole group. “Tell me ALL the juice. But you can start with his callsign.”

“I’m gonna get a drink before I die from embarrassment.” Bradley excused himself from the group. Just to stand at the bar a couple of feet further, still able to hear everything.

“Okay, one evening, we had a couple of drinks, he was telling me about his father’s job and about callsigns. I knew about his desire to become an aviator. So we were trying to find one fitting for him. And Bradley with his big dick energy, do I need to tell more?”

“Oh my god, you two fucked?” Mickey as you remembered right, shouted.

“Bubbles, it was your favourite hobby during the summers as I remember right?” If he wasn’t shameless anymore, you were definitely not going to hold back anymore.

“Oh B, you know I love your massive dick.” The group was in awe on your reaction.

“S-so, how did you get your nickname, Bubbles?” The most innocent one of the group asked you, trying to chance the subject. He did not know, you were about to corrupt him further.

“Lost a bet and got Bubbles tatted on my butt, I always liked her.” You immediately noticed Jake eying your butt, as if he could see through your jeans. “Wanna see cowboy?”

“Hell yeah darlin.”

“Oh hell no, over my dead dick, uh body.” Bradley took a sip of his glass from embarrassment. You went closer to Bradley and stood in front of him, blocking the view from the others.

“Don’t tell me you already jerked off in the bathroom?” You whispered in Bradley’s ear while slowly letting your fingers trace down from his abs to your favourite merchandise in his pants and of course giving it a soft squeeze, making Bradley grunt.

“Well, your fault for looking this good.” After your little stunt he placed one leg between yours, letting his thigh touch with your clothed core, making you wanted to grind on him already. The moment your pelvis shifted a little to feel some friction, he removed his leg and joined Bob and Micky on the other side of the pool table, leaving you behind already hot and bothered. "Dickhead." You growled

“So, tell me more about younger Bradley, sorry, but we are in desperate need of blackmail material.” You were joined by Natasha and Rueben, after Bradley ditched you.

“Ooooh, I still have pictures on my phone, I think they’re somewhere in my cloud. One sec.” You kept your pictures together always close, let’s be honest, because he was and still is the love of your life. Only for five summers you got to call him yours.

Your face lit up the moment you found the pictures you were looking for. “Here, this was I think 16 years ago. And here, this one, from our last summer. This babyface is the same Bradley as the one standing over there.”

“I never imagined him being a little, chubby? But good chubby. You know he talked about you when we were deployed? When we are deployed, we all get sappy.”

“He was the cutest, too sad we lived so far away from each other during the rest of the year back then. What did he say about me?”

“It was always, back then Bubbles this and Bubbles that. And I don’t know if I should say this, but he referred to you as the one who got away. You were not just his first love, also the love of his life.”

“Nat is right. He was never able to keep a girlfriend, there was clearly always someone else on his mind.”

“Guys, I just met you and you two seriously trying to make me cry?”

***

“Rooster, man, you two are too obvious.” Mickey patted on his back.

“She’s ... really hot, I knoooow.” Bradley slurred.

“How many did you have already? You’re drunk and dumb. You two are so in love with each other. You realize that right?”

“Yeah.” He sighed.

“Come on, Rooster, this was your chance, why did you fuck it up by getting drunk?” Bob tried to make him aware of his mistake. Bob signalled you to come over with a sad expression.

“I’m so sorry your reunion night has to end like this, but he’s too drunk to keep him here, it’s been years since he’s been this drunk. I'm so sorry he's like that."

“You don’t have to apologize for his actions Bob, you are too kind. Can you help me with his address, I’ll drive his car, I came by cab.”

“I don’t think that’s possible, no one else but him can drive his Bronco.”

“He still has that thing? Don’t worry, I’ve driven it before. Ain’t that right B? I helped a bit with fixing it back in the days.”

“What? My Bronco gets to touch you first, I’m mad at her.” Bradley drunkenly grumbled.

“Jesus B, shut up before you’re about to embarrass yourself further.”

“Can you handle him on your own darlin?”Jake asked, coming out of nowhere.

“Not my first ride with drunken Bradley. It was nice meeting you all. Probably till a next time!”

After they helped you with loading Bradley in his Bronco and typing in the address, you were finally alone with him. Alone, with drunk Bradley, or so you thought.

“This was not how I imagined our reunion would end B.” You mumbled quietly. Not wanting a quiet ride, you put on one of cassettes you found on the dashboard. “Still the same music? Not much has changed apart from your appearance B.” Bradley hummed in response.

“Almost there, just don’t get sick and puke in your own car.”

“Never.” He sat up, stretched himself and suddenly did not look and sounded drunk at all.

“What the fucking hell! Dipshit, we left your friends because of you, they were all so nice.” You smacked the back of his head, making Bradley hiss in return.

“Eyes on the road Bubbles.”

“But what the fuck B, why this stunt? What were you drinking all night? You’re an idiot!” You were done raging by now.

“Feeling better?” You nodded as you parked his Bronco. “Penny, the nice bartender, she’s a good friend of us, she asked about you. And then noticed that you were having a nice time with the group. I might have said something about how always took care of me when I had a little too much to drink and she might have helped me with giving me apple juice.”

“Oh my god, you want me all for yourself. You didn't hear this but I love selfish Bradley. Come on, lead the way.”

Bradley’s house was unexpectedly … cute and cosy. “B, I love this place.” Oh god, he sneaked up behind you, just like the old days. His scent has changed, this was better, more manly, even more intoxicating than it ever was. His hands now on you waist, re-exploring the form of your body, his lips already planting kisses on your neck. The outline of his hardened dick already noticeable on your back. 

Bradley hurriedly turned you around and pressed your back against the wall, taking your face in his big hands. His nose was touching yours as he was staring in your eyes.

“I missed you so much.” Before you got the chance to say anything back, his lips were on yours, his tongue immediately demanding entrance. Your arms sneaked around his head, occasionally gripping on his locks. You both got flashback to those hot summer nights, making out in one of your bedrooms. Those memories and your bodies being pressed together made you moan, loud.

Bradley heard you and let go of the kiss, only to start attacking your jaw and neck with needy, wet kisses while hurriedly trying to discard your blouse, but he was stuck somewhere. You placed your small hands on his big ones to make him stop destroying your clothes.

“B, stop, take a breath.” He looked so lost at your words, eyes still blown with lust. He was doubting himself on the inside. Was he wrong to think you wanted this too? You two were flirting non stop with each other the whole evening. And when he kissed you, you definitely kissed back, he was sure you were enjoying it a lot.

You placed your finger on his lips and let your other hand that was still on top of his, slide in his hand. Slowly you guided him to his sofa while walking backwards, not breaking eye contact. Once Bradley was seated, your finger let go of his lips. “You really look cute confused B.”

“But I am Bubbles, I thought that you l-”

“Stop thinking and start feeling.” You seated yourself on his lap facing him and placed his hand on your heart and so did you with your hand on his heart. “Let’s do this again.” This kiss was not hurried, it was slow and tender. You and Bradley had kissed a lot in the past, and was passionate many times, but never like this. Every kiss, every touch, every time you and Bradley fucked were burned in your memory. Your heart had never be able to let go of him and tonight you were going to let him know. When you broke off the kiss to catch your breath, you noticed how wet you got from just kissing him. Yes, you wanted him to take you here and now, but you had waited so many years for this, so this moment had to be the most memorable one.

“But I don’t want you to leave after tonight Bubbles, I’ve been so dumb for not coming back or searching harder for you after not coming back-“

“You really only think with that big dick of yours? Have you not listened tonight?” Bradley shot you the same confused look as earlier, but with a slight smirk at the mention of his dick. “I” kiss “was” kiss “at” kiss “the” kiss “bar” kiss “with” kiss “colleagues” kiss, you tried to deepen the kiss, but Bradley backed his head and kept looking at you confused.

“Colleagues? Work?” You hoped those words would start to make sense.

“I really am not getting it Bubbles.”

“Jesus B, you are stationed here right?”

“Yes, permanently.”

“I work in the city. I live here too B, since 10 months and I am staying here, permanenly.”

“Oh”

“I’m not going anywhere B.”

“Never going to let go of you again.” He lifted you up with him and walked with you clinging onto him to his bedroom. “You are not allowed to leave this house for the next two days.”

“Uh, underwear?”

“If I remember right, you look good in mine, but I doubt you will wear anything during those two days. Because we,” he threw you on his bed, “are going to make up for all the time we lost.”

Bradley still being the big tease he is, slowly got out of his shirt and tossed it somewhere on the ground. Your mouth fell open at the sight in front of you, you had already felt it, but seeing him being this ripped, looking at you with his sinful eyes and sweet jesus that massive stick visible in his jeans, you were officially done for any other man.

Bradley crawled on top of you, opening your blouse button by button and kissing the newly exposed skin before opening the next button. When the last one was opened you helped him get rid of your blouse. Next he opened the button and zipper of your pants, letting it slowly lower on your legs. “Have you got any idea how beautiful you are? You’re so fucking perfect.”

Bradley returned to pepper kisses all over your body while his hands roamed over the rest of your body. He made this moment feel so intimate and perfect. When he was satisfied with his kisses on you, he turned his attention to your boobs, letting his fingers trace over the lace covering them. “As much as I like it, I think I might like more what’s underneath it, can I?”

“Please B, your lips feel so good on me.” He didn’t need to be told twice to remove your bra and toss on the other side of the room. He started to kiss each boob first before turning his attention to your nipples. He skilfully took one bud in his mouth and let his tongue make love to it, the sensation going straight to your already dripping core. He had only just begun and you were already a moaning mess under him.

Bradley sat up after taking care of your other nipple too, admiring your needy look under him. You never used to like this quiet moments, but with Bradley, he made you feel like a goddess.

After contemplating for a minute what to do first, Bradley decided something was missing on you and he went back to kissing your neck and collarbone again. His kisses weren’t going to give him the result he wanted so he started sucking your skin in between kisses right under your collarbone to leave a mark he will be able to admire the rest of the weekend.

“B, please … something.” you moaned under his touch and kisses.

“Enlighten me Bubbles.”

“Your mouth, on me, lower, ooh.” He yanked your panties off, your sweet moans were now making it impossible for him to keep up the slower pace he was trying to maintain.

“Fuck you’re so wet for me babe. So, so perfect, all for me.” He settled himself comfortably between your thighs, letting his hot breath ghost over your wetness. After a needy whine escaped over your lips, he stopped admiring you and kitten licked your slit first and your clit a couple of times. He let his tongue explore what you liked and found a good rhythm softly circling your clit, making the heat inside your body rise more and more, getting you closer to your pending orgasm. Deciding not to let wait any longer for your high, Bradley gently inserted two fingers in your needy core. He moaned when your walls already started to clench around his fingers. You were so lost in the trance Bradley had put you in, that you couldn’t hold anything back anymore. You started to buck your hips a little to make his fingers hit the spot that made you see stars immediately. The little movement of your hips added more pressure from Bradley’s tongue on your clit, what made you scream out his name. As soon as he increased the speed of his fingers in combination with the circling motion of his tongue on your clit, you felt the heat building up in your belly reach its high and the muscles in your butt and abdomen tense. And then, it all exploded, your insides squeezed the hell out of Bradley’s fingers, a firework went off in your belly and your mind was on the fluffiest cloud possible.

Bradley pricked your wonderful bubble open by starting to kiss the Bubbles tattoo on your butt. "Missed you beautiful girl. Only you." Good thing his obnoxious smirk betrayed his intentions.

“You dick.”

“Hear that buddy, she loves you.” He said to his proudly erected dick.

You put up your biggest eyes and a pouty face "You want me to lick your lollipop B?" You licked your lips in the process.

"Oh yes please."

Your expression changed to an apologetic one "Too bad I'm not in the mood for a lollipop, I think you only look good between my thighs." You took his dick in your hands and teased him by pumping in an extreme slow motion. He threw his head back when he felt your hands on him and groaning at your slow speed. "You only get to enjoy when you're inside me" you winked, "punishment for not searching for me harder."

"Fuck Bubbles, come here." He closed the gap between you with a sloppy kiss. His hands back on your boobs as soon as you laid on your back. Maybe your heads hitting each other for a second when you landed on the bed. You couldn't hold back a little laugh as Bradley was still clumsy when he wanted to hurry something.

"Remember we have time B, no hurry or one of us might get injured." You joked with a little mischievous smile. "But I've got to admit can't wait to have you inside me."

"Fuck Bubbles. Got mouthy over the years. I like that." He moaned in between kisses. He started to lower his kisses to your neck, to your boobs and eventually to your stomach while gripping your thighs with his wonderful hand throughout his kissing-spree.

"God, B. The scruff feels wonderful, thought the Navy wouldn't allow that." It did tickle your stomach lightly.

"Unfortunately not, thought to try it on my time off. Will keep my stache. That will never disappear. Do you want me to grab a-" He said while signalling to his top drawer of his night stand.

"Maybe, yeah, I think I'm clean, I always have been careful, but I don't want to risk, you know for the Navy. Sorry for being a little party pooper. Going to make an appointment first thing in the morning." During your sudden rambling Bradley had already taken a condom and torn the package open with his teeth. He rolled it over his very erected dick and started to position himself in front of your entrance, until he noticed you suddenly changing attitude.

"Don't go all shy on me now Bubbles."

"It's not that, might sound weird, but I just got this nostalgic feeling. I wanted to cherish it for a moment."

"Good, but we're going to make it better." He positioned himself in front of your entrance and slowly pushed his cock inside you.

"F-fuck B, so big, easy p-please." You panted, trying to adjust to his size, a small tear appeared on the brim of the eyes.

"Had any decent dick after me?" He started to play with your boobs again to make the adjustment somewhat easier.

"Fuck no, your lovestick is the best." One thing your learned during the years you and Bradley fucked: praise his big dick, the more you fuel his ego, the lovelier it gets for you.

Your remark unleashed his ego and he accidentally bucked his hips, making you moan loud in the process. "Shit sorry Bubbles."

"Keep going, fuck it feels so wonderful. Oh." You didn't mean to, but the sounds escaping your mouth sounded like a needy little bitch. That was the effect Bradley had on you, make you loose complete control.

Bradley started to thrust, deep and slow thrusts. Only grunts and moans were escaping your mouths, even Bradley managed to keep his dirty mouth shut. All because you were both enjoying this way too much. For the first time in your history with Bradley, he was making love to you. If he had done it like this the last time 15 years ago, he would have probably snuck you into his bag when joining the Navy.

His thrusts were still slow and deep, but he managed to go a little harder the second he managed to hit your spot. You were getting close again, very close. You moaning his name over and over again as you were meeting his thrusts while bucking your hips slightly.

"Close too Bubbles, fuck, you're so, ah, so good. Let go." And you did exactly as he asked, he sped up lightly and made your orgasm hit you like a truck. Just like that, your body fell limp due to to intense contraction of all of your muscles. It felt weird this intense, yet so wonderful. Seconds after you Bradley came too, screaming your name, not Bubbles. Hearing your name roll over his lips like that, damn. You were still in a haze from your own orgasm, but hearing was as icing on the cake. Life was perfect now.

Two minutes had passed and you were both still laying knocked fucked out on the bed, your hands had found each other and intertwined. "Wow, I always thought they exaggerated in movies after the mind blowing sex that we never get to see. But now I understand. I'll be right back." Bradley took the condom he had removed after collapsing on the bed and came back a bit later with a warm washcloth to take care of you.

"Thanks B, I don't think I am able to walk for a bit." You smiled shyly.

"That good huh?" He joined you again on the bed, giving you your panties and one of his his large shirts after getting in his boxers. He kissed you softly before laying down in front of you, so you could stare at another.

"Hmm, let me think, did I have better? Oh maybe that one ... nah, oh bit a couple years ago, he was good .. but nah. Oooh fifteen years ago, that guy was something. Oh wait. Just kidding B, you have always been the best for me and this was the best yet. No one has made me cum with his dick only."

"I love you." Bradley blurted out, he was shocked at his own words. He was planning on telling them, just not yet. He wanted to bring up some good memories first, talk a bit, cuddle, spoil you, maybe make you confess first. But the words were out before he knew it.

You moved closer to Bradley and laid one hand on his cheek while planting your lips on his. "I love you too B, always have."

A little tear appeared in his the corner of his eyes. "B, are you crying? Is something wrong?"

He quickly wiped away the tear and smiled. "Fuck no, everything is alright, even more than alright. Hearing those words, I can get used to hearing them .

"Bradley, I love you too. I love you. I love you. I love you." And you ended your mantra with a peck on his lips.

"Hmm, in for a treat sweetheart? Spoiling me like that." Bradley already disappeared under the sheets, holding your hips down, ready to go down on you again. This was going to be the most memorable weekend of your life and finally the start of Bradley and you.

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[feeder86]

Acting Out

Cam could definitely say he’d given it his best shot. After years of dreaming about being a star, he’d packed up his things and headed straight to Los Angeles at the age of eighteen. He’d been convinced that he could make it; that he had what it took - even his high school Yearbook had said so. When he got the commercial job, he’d been sure that it was the start of big things for him. But that was six years ago now.

Fed up of living in a dump and barely making enough from working in a trashy downtown bar, Cam had finally decided that enough was enough. There was always going to be someone better looking than he was; someone more talented and versatile. It was time to admit defeat and head home.

Cam had been surprised by how many of his old high school buddies had wanted to meet up for a drink upon his return. Everyone had seen the commercial he’d done and, for a small town like this, Cam realised that, in their eyes at least, he’d made something of himself during those awkward early years of adulthood.

“So what’s your plan now you’re back home?” Fin asked, as the conversation remained steadily focused on Cam.

Cam shrugged. “Get a job, I guess. Start trying to work my way out of my folk’s place.” It was something that was easier said than done. He’d not paid all that much attention in school and had since breezed from one bar job to another, never picking up much in the way of experience or skills. 

“That home decor place by the old quarry is looking for someone,” Daz jumped in. “I saw a sign up in their window.”

“I hardly think Cam wants to spend his time just selling bathroom tiles,” Fin countered, as if he was trying to protect Cam’s imaginary celebrity status.

“Isn’t that where Kirk Ploughman works now?” Bill asked with a smirk.

Cam’s mind whirred into life at the mention of the name. He hadn’t thought about Kirk in years. The guy had been high school royalty, with his tall frame and built, lean, muscular body that seemed a biological impossibility for someone who was just eighteen. When he’d run with the football, guys didn’t want to go in for that tackle. But he hadn’t been all that interested in school and, consequently, Kirk had shared many of the same classes with Cam; though neither of them had ever really taken the time to get to know each other. Still, he’d been great eye-candy back then. “Kirk Ploughman?” Cam asked, feeling the familiarity of that name as it rolled off his tongue. “He still lives in town? I thought he’d have been signed up for some big football club by now?”

Cam had no idea what it was about what he’d said that had been so funny, but suddenly everyone around him had burst into fits of laughter. “Kirk Ploughman?” Bill echoed, chuckling. “A professional athlete? Geez! You can tell you haven’t been back here for some time!”

“Why?” Cam asked, feeling completely lost as the laughter continued rolling around the room. “Did something happen?”

“Kirk started to put on a little weight after high school,” Fin explained over the chorus of laughter.

“A little weight?” Bill retorted. “Now that’s a fucking understatement! Every time I see the guy he’s gained about fifty pounds of fresh blubber!”

Cam blushed. He both loved and hated tales such as these; ones where high school jocks became consumed by their own gluttonous appetites and started to balloon. There was something so erotic about it. They were fantasies he’d jacked off to his whole life and developed into a kink that he just couldn’t seem to shake off. Even now he could feel his dick hardening.

“Oh, I see him all the time down the supermarket,” Vinny added, pulling a face of utter disgust. “You only need to take one look in his shopping cart to see why he’s probably close to five hundred pounds now.”

Now Cam’s dick really did pulse and stiffen. Kirk Ploughman, a five hundred pound superchub? It was like the ultimate fantasy. It was all he could do to resist the urge to ask if anyone had a picture.

“Yeah, I don’t think you want to be stuck working with Kirk,” Bill finally summarised. “I don’t think the fat fuck gets off his ass much to do anything around that place. You’d probably have to do his job as well as your own.”

The seed had been sown. Cam knew he’d need to go and enquire about the job tomorrow; even just for curiosity’s sake. The erotic images he had of Kirk in his mind right then were just too enticing to ignore.

The store was every bit the small town cliché. A little bell rang as Cam opened the door and he had the sense that the place was waking up from a late morning nap. He looked around, spotting an older guy at the counter and headed straight over. He’d begun by asking about the job, and the man, calling himself Bob, had seemed so relieved that someone was in there asking about the position. Cam soon found himself agreeing to a paid trial shift right there and then. For the next two hours, he’d learned almost everything there was to know, while only a handful of customers came in to interrupt them.

“Our busiest days are at the weekend,” the older man explained. “The other regular guy who works here is… Well, you get used to him. I sold him part of the business a couple of years ago when I wanted to step back from it. However, I’m not quite sure how up for it he really is.  Anyway, you’ll be working with him a lot.”

“You mean, Kirk?” Cam asked. “I knew him in high school.”

Bob seemed relieved that he didn’t need to go on explaining about Kirk. He’d taken an obvious amount of care with the words he had chosen to desscibe Kirk and tried to phrase things with such diplomacy, it was like he had been put on trial. With that done, he simply shook Cam’s hand. “Welcome to the team!”

As Cam started work early the next day, he found the vibe of the store very much changed. Rock music was blasting from the back room and, with only half the lights switched on, the store seemed oddly disorientating. He shouted to the back, not wanting to progress behind the counter right away and potentially startle whoever was on the shift with him that day, but there really was no choice. He stepped gingerly into the little room at the back, where the loud music was coming from, only to see a very large, spherically shaped guy snacking from a tall stack of buttery toast he’d just made himself and slurping on a can of soda.

So engrossed was he in his breakfast, the guy had yet to notice him and Cam simply watched as the enormously fat man demolished a slice of toast in seconds. It was Kirk, even under all that fat, there was no doubting it. He’d grown a thick, stubbly beard that failed to conceal the fact that his neck was no longer visible. All traces of the jock physique had gone and Cam found himself almost swooning as he surveyed the size of the guy’s blubbery chest and nipples. Still, it was his gut that was the main event. So round and ball-like, it sat in his lap, filling most of it with ease. And those ginormous, doughy arms, that had once been so strong and muscular, now strained the fit of the already tight work shirt Kirk was having to wear.

“Hello,” Cam waved, using his arms to grab Kirk’s attention, realising that he had to stop silently standing there like some sort of creepy stalker.

Kirk raised his eyebrows and looked over. He nodded and pushed the remaining half of one of his slices of toast into his greedy mouth, put his plate down, and then carefully lowered the volume of the speaker.

“You’re the new guy?” Kirk asked. Already his tongue was licking his lips like he wanted another slice of his toast. Still, he squinted at Cam and then finally raised his gigantic body up. “It’s… Cam, right?” he considered, as if he had lifted the name up from the bottom of a very deep well.

Cam outstretched his hand and reintroduced himself, surprised at how buttery the palm of Kirk’s large hands actually felt. It hadn’t taken long for them to get the small talk over with and it was immediately clear that Kirk didn’t have the same fascination about his life in LA as everyone else he had met so far. Cam knew he’d gone a little far, choosing a job simply because he’d been turned on by the thought of working with such a superb specimen of ‘ex-jock’. But now that he was here and Kirk was standing in front of him in all his lardy, five hundred pound glory, he realised that he really didn’t want to be anywhere else.

“Oof! Check her out!” Kirk whispered slyly, later that day. He nodded his head towards a very large woman, probably twenty years older than both of them, pulling a face that immediately spoke of his attraction to her.

Cam looked over at the big woman, hardly believing that Kirk, the sexiest guy in their high school, who had dated every hot girl in their class, was now checking out such a plain, obese woman in her late forties. “I take it you’re an ass man then?” Cam simply replied, seeing the enormous butt on the lady as she turned around.

“I do like some junk in the trunk,” Kirk nodded, fixated at the sight of the massive glutes. Then, for the first time in at least three hours, the man picked himself off his extra large chair and started striding over, his chest puffed out, ready to help the new customer. 

Cam felt his dick harden for the hundredth time that day. Kirk’s own ass was so wide and thick as he headed over to the big lady. But something about seeing Kirk getting aroused had also turned Cam on; like it was an enticing window into the ex-jock’s mind.

“She’s married,” Cam grunted as he returned a couple of minutes later. “I saw the wedding ring. Lucky bastard!” he went on, throwing himself back down into the aching, tortured chair. Then, he simply reached under the counter to the mini-fridge he’d set himself up with, and took out another can of soda to crack open.

Cam slowly started to realise why everyone he had spoken to about Kirk regarded him with such disdain. The guy simply had no matters at all. He was a slave to his own appetite, constantly grazing throughout the day and throwing out large, guttural burps, no matter how many customers were wandering about in the store. Cam could also have counted on a single hand how many times the man had gotten up off his chair; lazily sending Cam as often as he could.

Not for the first time, Cam found himself wishing that he could rid himself of his strange infatuation. Why did he find Kirk’s gluttony, slobbishness and lazy work ethic to be such a turn on? It wasn’t normal! Yet, he knew for certain, there hadn’t been anyone in his entire life he’d had a crush on like this. Five days into his new job and Cam knew he was absolutely lost to it. The amount of calories he’d seen Kirk take down had been out of this world, and he came, thinking about just that, within five minutes of getting home each night.

It was easy to see why Kirk kept a plentiful stash of soda cans in his little fridge at work; with faulty air conditioning, the place could start to feel uncomfortable very quickly. But he was also generous to share them out with Cam. The days could be long and boring when fewer people came into the store. Kirk’s interests lay more with the online aspect of the business, which he himself had initiated; explaining that there was a surprising amount of cash to be made in selling on discontinued lines that were hard to come by. Kirk could buy and sell thousands of dollars worth of tiles without even having to get up off his wide rear; it was an enterprise that was bound to keep the business afloat for many years to come; even on those slow days in the store.

“Here,” called Kirk, sliding a can of soda down the counter to Cam. “Have another one. You need a sugar boost. You’re looking tired.”

Cam nodded and popped the can open, taking a long slurp. Kirk was right; hot, stuffy days like this tended to leech all the energy from his body as he looked at his watch and saw that he still had another four hours to go. There was just something about the building; the enormity of it and the stale air inside. Kirk offered him one of his doughnuts and Cam took it gratefully, already starting to feel a little perkier. “Any collections you need me to get ready?” he asked Kirk, checking on the online orders, desperate for something to do.

“Maybe later,” Kirk replied dismissively, taking a large slurp from his own soda and then cracking out another, after a long, drain-like burp. “You should listen to this…” he went on enthusiastically, clicking for a song to play on the computer. Kirk was passionate about his rock music and Cam was slowly acquiring quite an education about it all; especially after Kirk had downloaded some tracks for him to listen to at home. “Pretty good, huh?” he smiled as the heavy drums came into their own. 

Cam had to admit that he quite liked Kirk’s taste in music and the pair of them sat there for the next hour, playing track after track as the large box of donuts slowly diminished.

“So, what’s it like working with Kirk?” Bill asked a few weeks later, as Cam met up with some of the guys once again. 

“Well, Kirk pretty much runs the place; so it’s more like I’m the one working for him,” Cam clarified. 

“I bet it’s a complete shit show if Kirk’s in charge!” Vinny joked. “My sister had to coach him through algebra back in high school. He’s not exactly the brightest crayon in the box, is he?”

Everyone laughed, happy to mock Kirk, just like last time. It made Cam’s jaws clench and his teeth start to grind in frustration. Kirk’s rapid weight gain since high school had left him exposed to unjustified assumptions about his intelligence from everyone else. “Actually, Kirk’s business model is very successful,” he countered. “Some days, Kirk can make more cash sat on his butt than you guys make in a month. He’s even buying more of a stake in the business, so he’ll be the majority owner.”

It was hard for the guys to think of a witty retort to the revelation that Kirk did have some business sense after all, but they soon managed it. Cam was relieved when the conversation finally turned away from the subject of his new boss. He swallowed down his third beer and burped to relieve the gas that had quickly built up in his stomach. The others laughed, but looked at each other, seeming perplexed to see their suave LA buddy showing such a blatant lack of manners. It made Cam blush slightly, thinking to himself: had he been spending too much time in Kirk’s company?

Cam had received more shifts at the store than he had been expecting. During the week, it was pretty quiet, but Kirk seemed to like the fact that he could concentrate on the online sales, without customers getting to him. For the most part, it was easy money; despite the long hours. Kirk was decent company and he didn’t mind closing up for an hour or so as they went for lunch somewhere. Kirk always paid, as his way of knocking off some tax for the business. It meant that Cam was slowly building up a little pot of savings, ready for him to rent his own place. Living with his folks had been a welcome relief after struggling for years in LA; but now he was more than ready to move on. Not least because of the tightness he was starting to feel in his clothes as he dressed for work each day. His mother’s home cooking had always been a comfort, but without a gym subscription or the metabolism of a teenager, Cam slowly felt like he was constantly bloated. It was mortifying. He’d met up for some fun with a guy a few nights earlier who had directly called him out on it, claiming that he looked much ‘chubbier’ in real life. Chubbier! Really? Back in LA, he’d had to work hard to maintain his image, always waiting for that big break just around the corner. Had he really let things slide that badly since he’d come home?

“There’re some fresh pastries in the back,” Kirk pointed as Cam arrived at work the next morning.

Cam had bought some more relaxed pants for work but his mom had obviously shrunk them, trying to help him with his washing even though he had asked her not to. They pinched into his hips, making him grumpy as he helped himself to a couple of the pastries. What a waste of money buying these pants had been!

“What’s got you in a mood this morning?” Kirk asked, spotting Cam’s frustration as he wriggled to get comfortable in his restrictive pants. 

“I need to get out of my parents’ place,” Cam huffed. “They mean well but… fuck! I need my own space!” he sighed, reaching under the counter to help himself to a cool soda from the small refrigerator. He cracked it open and chugged it like an ice cold beer after a long day of hard labour.

“I know that feeling!” Kirk nodded. “I moved out not long after high school. I just needed to feel more in control of my own life,” he went on, placing both of his hands on the shelf of his giant stomach and watching as Cam took large bites out of his pastries.

“Do you still do much with your family?” Cam asked, realising now that Kirk had never mentioned them before.

“Not really,” Kirk replied. “My dad really wanted me to take the football thing more seriously and when I told him I was bored of it and preferred eating cheeseburgers instead, he never quite forgave me. I knew I had to get out of there if I was ever going to have the sort of life I really wanted for myself. They actually moved out of town about four years ago.”

“Ouch!” Cam responded, feeling bad for his friend. “That must have been rough?”

“Nah,” Kirk replied dismissively. “It’s awesome, not having to worry about their looks of disapproval, seeing them around town.” One hand rubbed against his belly as if it comforted him. He stood, getting the box of pastries from the back room and plopping them down on the counter between them as the two men prepared for another quiet day.

“Hey, Bob, do you have any more work shirts in your van? My mom has done my washing again and…” he raised his arms to show how short and tight it had become, “...she has a tendency to shrink stuff.”

Bob didn’t do many shifts, and even fewer where he was paired up with Cam, but he looked at the fit of Cam’s shirt without any hint of humour. “I’m sorry, I should have warned you about Kirk,” he sighed. “He has a habit of doing this.”

“Doing what?” Cam asked, starting to search for the box of shirts himself.

“If Kirk offers you food, just say no,” Bob stated with absolute certainty. “I’ll find you a new shirt for now, but…” He scratched the back of his head awkwardly. “He does this every time. He starts putting a little gut on all the guys who come work here,” the older man grumbled, shaking his head in disapproval. “Kirk is a lovely guy, don’t get me wrong, but his sense of humor is warped. Just be aware that he’s more than likely getting some sort of weird thrill out of playing with you.”

Cam’s eyebrows furrowed. “I’m not quite sure what you mean?” he asked, despite already starting to feel his heart racing with inexplicable adrenaline.

“Don’t get me wrong, I think the world of Kirk. I was friends with his grandfather back in the day and I’ve known him since he was a little boy. But how does a strapping football athlete from a good family suddenly get a giant, fat belly like that on him?” he asked, pointing at the enormous, empty chair where Kirk usually sat during his shifts; the lower cushion flattened into a dish shape by the huge heavy rear. “We watched it happen when he was nineteen. He was such a good-looking boy, but folks in town said he was stuffing himself like he actually wanted to get fat! And he was dating these really fat… and I mean FAT women,” he repeated for emphasis, holding his short arms out almost as wide as they would go. “Believe it or not, that massive chair was what he asked his family to get for him for his twenty-first birthday. And he’s spent the last few years eating as if he’s actively trying to outgrow it. Have you heard the way it creaks now?” he asked, shaking the tortured frame of the chair. “Before he went into a home, his grandfather asked me to take him on here; see if I could sort him out a bit and give him some stability. But…” he pointed again at the empty chair, “...I think what the people in town said was true: he wants to be fat. And I think he gets off on seeing it happen to other people as well.”

Cam’s dick was tingling in his pants and he knew that he’d need to sit down pretty fast. The idea that Kirk enjoyed being fat wasn’t a complete surprise, but the thought of him getting some sort of erotic thrill out of pushing extra calories on Cam was a strangely arousing prospect. He snuck off to the bathroom fairly soon afterwards and just gazed at himself in the privacy of the mirror. How long had it been since he’d allowed himself to properly appraise his reflection like this? But now that he was looking, it was obvious how much his middle had been thickening. Was it Kirk who had convinced him that it was his mom shrinking his clothes in the wash? Cam hadn’t given that idea any consideration at all. It had been a lie; a cunning lie, implanted into his head as Kirk brought in more and more delicious treats as the weeks had gone on. Had Cam… had he actually been… fattened up on purpose?

The next day, Kirk was already back in his seat, with the early morning radio blasting out before the doors officially opened. “I was in the mood for muffins this morning,” he stated casually. “Help yourself.”

Despite how foolish Cam felt, the sight of Kirk never failed to take his breath away. That handsome face, all bloated with the lard he had packed on since high school. Thinking about Kirk deliberately fattening himself had supercharged Cam’s libido yesterday and he had come five times, alone in his bedroom, just imagining it.

“Aren’t you going to have a muffin?” Kirk pressed a few minutes later when Cam had simply sat himself down without heading into the back room. “I’ll get them for you,” he offered helpfully, picking up his gigantic body and squeezing by, into the backroom. “Enjoy!” he smiled, throwing the box down by Cam’s side.

Had it not been for the conversation with Bob the day before, Cam knew he would have picked up at least two muffins without a second thought. Now, he knew he needed to sort himself out and not be taken in by Kirk any more. But his mouth had been filling with saliva since the moment Kirk had mentioned them and now that the muffins were glistening in front of him, he felt genuinely hungry. Turned on by the sight of his biggest crush, Cam found his resolve wavering. He knew that he was attracted enough to Kirk that he would have shot up off his chair, climbed into the man’s crotch and sucked that massive fatty off until closing time. So, why wouldn’t he just eat a little muffin for him? After all, Bob seemed to believe that there was some sort of thrill in it for Kirk. 

Cam heard the refrigerator door opening and the crack of a soda can opening and then being placed next to him. It was all true; Kirk really was trying to deliberately fatten him up! “I think it’s going to get pretty stuffy in here soon,” the fat man stated; his chosen casual excuse for serving a sweet, sugary calorie bomb to his work coleague. 

It was the idea of playing to Kirk’s supposed kinks that finally made Cam pick up his first muffin and slurp on the soda. He wondered what it was about this whole scenario that did it for the big man. After all, now that Cam thought about it, Kirk must have spent a fair amount of money on all those casual treats and snacks for him over the last few months. Perhaps there was a slight submissive side to Cam’s sexuality; suddenly wondering how he could play his part in Kirk’s twisted games; to entertain and arouse him. Just the thought of creating even the tiniest twitch in Kirk’s dick sent Cam into a tailspin of longing. He’d been so aroused since his conversation with Bob and he felt that same breathless lust within him as he took a second large bite out of the muffin, already finding his other hand preloading the next sugary treat. “These are good!” he exclaimed, speaking with a full mouth, just as Kirk always did. He noticed now that Kirk was watching keenly as he ate. Had he always done that? The sensation of being watched now seemed to ignite a spark of sexual energy in Cam and he soon found himself taking down that second muffin, followed by a third and, inexplicably, a fourth as well; all washed down with a second fresh soda, supplied to him by Kirk. He burped, letting it all out and enjoying the fact that Kirk didn’t bat an eyelid.

“Are we closing at lunch again today?” Kirk asked. “It’s Friday and I’m sort of in the mood for burgers and fries.”

Cam glanced down at himself, suddenly finding that that tight pinch of his pants and strange fit of his work shirt had become a source of a strange eroticism for him. He nodded. The way he was feeling right then, he would have eaten anything Kirk asked him to.

Getting out of the shower a few weeks later, Cam wiped off the steam from the mirror and took a hard look at himself. He’d spent years developing his chest muscles in LA, but even with all the protein shakes and supplements, he’d never had a thick little tummy like he had now. He could see the build up of fat, deepening his belly button and swelling around his waist, creating love handles for the first time in his life. He thought about what his LA friends would have said if they saw him like this, or the notes he would have received from casting directors if he went into an audition looking like this. He probably could have allowed that shame to have spurred him on to do something about it, were it not for the immediate levitation of his dick, knowing exactly who was doing this to him. He spun around, looking in the mirror at how his love handles pitched and bulged as he did so. He stared at his glutes, once so pert and beefy, but now oversized and obviously swollen with fresh blubber and jiggly from the lack of exercise. Was the weight spreading into his thighs too? That was new. What would they have described this as in LA? The dad-bod? He definitely now looked like a guy who was more into his food and sitting on the couch, rather than one who frequented the gym. He took his hand to his dick, knowing that he’d never get any peace until he drained it again; staring with a mixture of shock, disgust and awe at his own reflection.

The comments soon started cropping up as Cam entered his eighth month of being back home. Despite multiple payments he had made, the interest rates on Cam’s credit cards were starting to bite and, despite all the hours he was working, Cam felt like he had very little to show for it. Cheap sweatshorts became his new best friend for work, but he didn’t have much cash to replace anything else. His old shirts still hugged nicely against his arms and chest, but their tight fit left him exposed to criticism about how rounded his middle had become. His dad had even offered to pay for a gym subscription for him, but when would he ever have the time for that? It seemed like a good compromise; still getting to overeat for Kirk, but at least maintaining a bit of control about how he looked by working out at the gym. Yet, Cam resisted, simply getting harder and harder the longer he allowed his current sloth-like lifestyle to continue.

Cam got very used to seeing those faces from high school he’d long forgotten about. He was surprised how fast their full names came back to him. He saw a young couple coming in and recognised the girl as being one of the cheerleaders from back in the day: Sadie Parry. She walked hand in hand with a strapping, athletic-looking guy, wandering the aisles.

“Didn’t you used to date her?” Cam asked, turning to Kirk, sitting engrossed in the computer screen.

Kirk looked across the store, making his old chair scream, just as the couple came back into view for a brief moment. A vague recognition then relaxed Kirk’s face of concentration. “Probably,” he shrugged. “I dated a lot of that crowd in high school.”

“You don’t even remember?” Cam laughed.

Kirk shrugged. “I was with a lot of girls in high school. It was the expected thing in the football team.”

“Oh, how awful for you!” Cam joked. “All those hot girls lining up for you like that!”

Kirk looked over at the couple with disapproval. “Well, it made me realise one thing: I knew I didn’t want to be stuck the rest of my life with girls like Sadie Parry. I bet she makes that guy absolutely miserable if ever he misses a gym session. Appearances are everything to girls like that. Check out the handbag and shoes.” With that, he picked up a doughnut from the tray in front of them and bit into a full half of it. “No thanks!” he finally huffed.

“I know what you mean,” Cam agreed. “LA was completely superficial like that as well. Everyone had to look a certain way and, in the end, you just get so sick of it. Coming back here has really helped me see that.” He too picked up a doughnut and took a bite, but had to put it down when Sadie and her boyfriend came wandering over.

“Do you do these in another colour?” she questioned, holding a tile sample. “Oh.. wait. Cam?” she asked, taking in his face. Her eyes travelled up and down his body. “I saw you in that commercial a few years ago. I hardly recognised you,” she stated, with her eyes fixed on his budding paunch.

“Yeah, I moved back here a few months ago,” Cam mumbled as he saw Sadie’s eyes find the half-eaten doughnut on the desk beside him.

“We all thought you were going to be a real movie star,” she went on, in that slyly obnoxious way that was all coming back to Cam now. “Now you’re here, obviously eating far too many crappy doughnuts and working in a dump like this.” Her boyfriend was standing beside her, but she clearly didn’t think enough of Cam now to introduce him. As for Kirk, she didn’t even bother looking at him. “So, do you do this in another colour then?” she repeated, holding the tile up once more.

Incensed, Cam picked up the sugary snack beside him and took a giant bite. “No,” he simply stated, ending the conversation flat and staring at her as he chewed.

Seeming to sense the slight, Sadie turned, put the tile down on the nearest shelf and led her hapless boyfriend out of the store.

Kirk broke into a roar of laughter as the door closed behind them. 

“Your exes are bitches!” Cam joked, still standing up from the subtle confrontation. “I think I just got fat shamed!” he chuckled in disbelief.

“I think you might be right!” Kirk agreed, sliding over in his chair to give Cam’s think rump a pat. It was an odd thing to do, but the sensation of being touched, however innocently by Kirk, made Cam’s heart race. “You handled her perfectly though. I was so proud!”

“Yeah?” Cam asked, enjoying Kirk’s praise.

“Of course!” he smiled. “I’m delighted with my little apprentice.” They held a stare for a moment, then as Cam sat himself back down, he saw the tray of doughnuts being gently pushed in his direction; letting Cam know that it wasn’t the running of the store that he was being trained in.

Cam’s supposed Holywood status had long since worn off in town, which had been a welcome relief. He didn’t really have the cash to go out drinking when the guys asked and it eased his finances when the invitations became fewer and farther between. Kirk had given him one of his old games consoles and was lending him a few titles. Having never really been much of a gamer growing up, Cam found his new hobby strangely addictive. Sometimes, on the days he was not working, he could go the entire time without leaving the house. Shamefully, he could feel his ass spreading as he sat up in his bed, snacking on whatever he had found in the refrigerator. His body shape was changing yet again. Another layer of fat seemed to be spreading across this body, softening him up a lot more than before. He could feel the blubber on his pecs and arms, and was becoming quite used to the mass of a small gut starting to creep out in front of him. He’d had no choice but to use some of his pay on some larger clothes; with the elastic on his old underwear finding the changes to his body particularly stressful. His family didn’t waste time trying to be subtle about how fat he was getting. His mother had even stuck pictures of him from a couple of years earlier on the refrigerator; a tip she had picked up from daytime tv that was supposed to make Cam think twice before he went raiding in there. She couldn’t possibly have realised that the actual effect was the complete opposite. Just like the memory of how fit and muscular Kirk had once been added to Cam’s attraction to him, so did the thrill of being reminded about his own transformation, building into an arousal that he couldn’t quite put into words. He’d certainly never imagined himself getting to two hundred and forty pounds after maintaining a sleek one sixty-five his entire adult life.

Cam put on his new favourite shirt and stared hard at the little round belly it still showed underneath. Having been invited round to play games at Kirk’s place that night, he knew that he wanted to look good. He’d pictured Kirk’s apartment for so long and he was genuinely surprised when the reality matched up almost entirely with that vision in his head. Kirk cared little about tidiness. Clothes and junk littered the floor and the big man had to add even more to it as he cleared a space on the couch for Cam to sit down. Forgetting the pizza they would be ordering later, everything they could possibly want was on the coffee table: beers, chips, doughnuts, candy bars. It was exactly the sort of life Cam had pictured Kirk settling into. They’d often ordered pizza into the store at lunchtime, so it was no surprise to see the way Kirk stacked the slices up and gorged; however, it was no less erotic to see each time.

“You can see why I haven’t invited you her until now,” Kirk pointed around at his apartment. I moved in when I was nineteen and never really got into the idea of keeping the place tidy. I need a new chair as well,” he grumbled, reaching forward for another beer and hearing his tortured armchair groan underneath his heavy form. “I fritter most of my cash away each month, on takeout, music and games.”

Cam tried to ignore how turned on he felt, sat next to a bundle of enormous Kirk’s dirty clothes. He wanted to hold them and marvel at the great expanse of material that was needed to clothe the ex-football star’s body. “Have you always lived her alone?” he asked, knowing that Kirk had had at least a few girlfriends in the last few years. 

“A couple of girlfriends lived here in the past,” Kirk nodded in a noncommittal manner. “Never for very long. Those abs I had in high school disappeared pretty quickly once I moved in here.” He sat up more, as if he was energised by the conversation. “The girl I was with at the time couldn’t quite believe it. One minute she was dating this muscular athlete and the next, I was this doughy little pig. I gained one hundred pounds in the first year I was living on my own!”

Cam nodded knowingly. He knew the feeling, having gained almost eighty pounds in the last fourteen months. He pictured Kirk in those early days of getting fat and his dick pulsed down in his crotch.

“I tried dating some larger women in my early twenties. Some people don’t mind that I’m fat now,” Kirk went on. “I was in a long-distance relationship with a girl from New York a few years ago. She was really into me, but the attraction wasn’t quite there for me, unfortunately. If she’d have gained a few pounds with me, I think she would have looked a lot better. But she was dead against that idea and, in the end, the distance got the better of us.”

“So, you’re just into chubby girls?” Cam asked him, having always been intrigued by Kirk’s sexual tastes.

“Fat, not chubby,” Kirk corrected him, as if that distinction was of the utmost importance to him. “Someone like me.”

“I’m not sure that exists. I think you’re just one of a kind,” Cam joked.

“I don’t know about that…” Kirk grinned. “I can think of at least one person who is very similar to me.”

Cam blushed, sensing that Kirk was actually talking about him. They’d finished gaming and sat, nursing their beers contemplatively. The beer was giving Cam a little courage, so that when a question popped into his head, he suddenly found it rolling off his tongue. “Did you get fat on purpose?” he asked. “Because, that’s what some people in town think.”

A massive, wicked grin filled Kirk’s face. “You really want to know?” he asked teasingly.

Cam thought for a moment, sensing that the answer could alter the way he saw Kirk forever. He nodded.

“It was the whole reason why I moved out of home,” Kirk stated frankly, sliding a hand over the bulk of his ginormous gut. “I hated my abs in high school. I hated the expectation that I had to play football just cause I was taller and more built than everyone else. I used to gorge myself all the time, but the pounds never stuck in the way I wanted. Once I moved out I was free to just stuff myself on everything I needed to grow a belly. And it worked! I quit working out and started looking chubby really fast. It felt amazing!” He lifted the bottom of his shirt and grabbed a wedge of his soft flesh, jiggling it for emphasis. “The fact that my girlfriend at the time hated it just seemed to spur me on even more.”

“Was she a big girl too?” Cam asked, not sure what to say, but desperate to keep this surprisingly kinky ramble going. 

“No,” Kirk replied. “She was just like every other person I’d dated up to that point. But, like I said, it’s FAT that gets me going more than anything else. And in those days, I was riding the most erotic wave of my life. It was only after that, when I began to feel confident as an overweight guy, that I started to look at dating other fatties. Some I was with just because I was into how much excess weight they carried, but others, the ones I was really interested in, I’d test them; see how much of a glutton like me they could be under the right circumstances.”

“And did it work?” Cam chimed in, again to keep the conversation going. He already remembered Bob telling him that Kirk had a strange fascination with overfeeding people.

“Yeah, it did,” Kirk nodded with a smug grin on his face. “I’ve gained almost three hundred pounds since high school. I know how to get someone to fatten up and push a belly on them.”

Now it was Cam’s turn to feel under the spotlight. What Kirk had said was innocent enough, but the way he looked at him and kept looking at him, it was obvious who had been the focus of his attention all these months.

“You’re welcome by the way,” Kirk smirked, taking another sip of his beer and chuckling to himself. Cam didn’t even know what to say. He sat there, dumbfounded that Kirk had practically just admitted to fattening him up on purpose. “Stand up for me,” the big man ordered; beer starting to course through his veins. “I want to see all my hard work.”

Cam chuckled, not quite believing that any of this was actually happening. But, curious to know what Kirk’s next move would be, he stood up and waited.

“Over here,” Kirk ordered, beckoning Cam closer with just a rock of his head. 

Stepping over the mess, Cam did as he was told, surprised to find Kirk’s large hand slipping straight onto his butt the moment he was within reach. But he stood there, enjoying the feeling of being touched, despite not understanding exactly what was going on.

“Ah!” Kirk marvelled, sliding one hand, then two once lowering his beer, right over Cam’s glutes. “Remember how tight and pert these things used to be before you started working with me?” he sighed with joy. “Now they’re getting so fucking doughy!”

The beer was clearly getting the better of Kirk; rather surprising considering the sheer scale of him. He slouched more in his chair and smiled mischievously.

“Yeah, well, all we do is eat at work…” Cam replied, stepping away and trying to keep things light hearted. After all, despite the odd sexual chemistry between them, Cam had to remind himself that Kirk was straight.

“Get back here!” Kirk grunted. “I want to check out the rest of you.” Then, seeing how obedient Cam was, stepping straight back, he pushed things a little further. “Take off your shirt too.”

Cam followed the instruction, only realising as he pulled the shirt over his head that Kirk was probably getting a full view of his raging hard-on pressing up against his pants. Even so, he suddenly felt the sweaty palm of Kirk rubbing the great mass of stomach fat.

“Beautiful!” Kirk simply marvelled. “Absolutely fucking beautiful!”

Cam felt the button of his pants being released and that big, chubby hand sliding down his shaft as the fly was lowered. 

“Do you know how lucky you are? How much I would have loved to have been fattened up like this by someone when I was younger?” Kirk smirked, freely showing how much all of this turned him on.

“I’ve loved it,” Cam tried, finding his heartbeat racing as Kirk’s hand started working his shaft.

“I thought so,” Kirk agreed, slipping down in the chair even more and reaching another hand down his own sweatshorts, trying to reach his dick at the same time. “You’re turning into such a fat pig!”

Cam shuddered with lust. He’d never been sure about how he felt about being called a pig, but coming out of Kirk’s mouth, he’d never heard anything more arousing. Caught by the lust of it all, he found himself giving two little snorts before his brain even had the chance to think about it.

“Oh, fuuuck!” Kirk groaned with arousal; his enormous double chin suddenly amplified as he squinted his eyes and pulled his head back, tugging himself off under his shorts.

Cam came. He hadn’t meant to let it happen so fast, but it was all too much for him. Fast, energetic shots sprayed over Kirk’s skin tight t-shirt, all over his gigantic gut. Kirk didn’t even open his eyes, but moaned at the feeling of it hitting him, redoubling his efforts and making himself come about ten seconds later.

The five-hundred pound man sat up with a huge grin, and a little trickle of sweat travelled down his forehead. He didn’t seem to care that he had made such a mess inside his pants, but lunged for Cam’s empty shirt and used that to wipe up the fresh stains all over his own clothing.

“Hey!” Cam laughed, shirtless before the giant fat man in the chair. “What am I supposed to wear to go home now?” he asked.

Kirk scoffed at the question. “We both know you’re not going home to your parents’ place again,” he stated. “Now sit your fat ass down so we can play another game.” He cracked open a fresh bottle of beer and passed it over to Cam, keeping one for himself. They drank, eyeing each other greedily, silently competing for the longest chug. Kirk won, of course, burping like a drain afterwards and throwing Cam a pack of chips as if it was his consolation prize. Then they both sat back, settling into their futures.

Cam recalled the look of horror on his parents’ faces as he told them he’d moved in with Kirk. They knew of the great fallen football star, just like most people in town, and they didn’t approve in the slightest. But, like everyone else, they had underestimated him. Kirk’s savvy business skills had provided them with a good income, and once Bob had been bought out entirely, Kirk swiftly closed the store down, shifting the business to being online-only. Together with Cam, he’d negotiated a handsome sale price for the land and instead bought a much more generously sized warehouse, nestled within the suburbs of the new, better-connected city they would call home. 

Despite the lavish style of the penthouse apartment the two men now occupied, it was still just as messy as Kirk’s old place had been. They’d lost count of how many cleaners they’d tried to hire over the years, but it was a futile task. Who wanted to clean up after two enormously fat guys only to come back a couple of days later and see the place was in an even worse mess than before?

“Are these grey sweatshorts yours, or mine?” Cam shouted through to the living area, holding up the mass of material that had been discarded on the bedroom floor. Only as he said the words did he realise the enormity of the moment. Despite Kirk’s fifty pound lead on him, to the average viewer, Cam probably looked no less obese than his lover. He’d become so used to the contrast between them, he’d hardly noticed the gradual dimishment of their size difference. His ass was just as wide and out of shape, his gut only slightly smaller. Sure, he didn’t quite have the flabby arms and tits that Kirk had, but he sensed the twelve cartons of ice cream the man had picked up that morning were probably part of a larger plan to solve that problem. 

Realising that he was holding Kirk’s sweatshorts after all, Cam slipped them on, feeling a wave of arousal as the material fitted like a glove around his enormous hips and glutes. Not bothering with a shirt, he trotted out of the bedroom and into the living area, where a similarly shirtless Kirk was playing a game with his headphones on. So that was why the fat man hadn’t replied, Cam thought, chuckling to himself as he sat down on the couch to watch.

“Nice shorts, Fatty!” Kirk joked, clocking Cam’s new attire in the corner of his eye without even moving his head away from the screen. Once the level was over, he threw the controller down and switched the channel. “A movie and a few pizzas tonight?” he asked, knowing that Cam always went along with whatever he wanted to do.

“Sure,” Cam nodded, mindlessly stroking the huge belly infront of him and not being able to shift the semi he had from being inside Kirk’s shorts. As he watched his lover scrolling through their movie options on the screen, he thought back to his teenage years, when he would imagine himself in those huge blockbusters and the glamorous lifestyle that he thought he had wanted. He also pictured an eighteen year old Kirk in his mind; his athleticism and perfect, muscular physique; a pretty, popular girl under his strong arm. There wouldn’t have been a single person who could have guessed that Kirk had actually wanted to give it all up for a life of gluttony and sloth. And, best of all, that he would wind up taking Cam along for the ride with him.

“Pizza’s going to be here in thirty minutes,” the former football star grunted, lowering his enormous rear onto the couch next to Cam; only ever leaving his giant chair for the couch when they were both ready to settle in for the night. It had become a tighter squeeze for them in recent months and, even now, the fatty flesh of their bodies pressed erotically up against each other.

Both men smiled wickedly as they sensed this ever decreasing space on their couch; both so proud to be able to share this strange, unconventional love that worked so well for them both. They kissed, not needing to say a word as their hands began to reach out and touch the others’ giant belly; jiggling and massaging it.

“I’ve left a couple of tubs of ice cream out to melt so that we can drink it when the pizzas arrive,” Kirk explained a moment later.

“Just a couple?” Cam joked, loving how much of a bad influence Kirk was.

The larger man laughed. “You clearly haven’t seen how much food I’ve ordered you then!” He leaned in for another kiss. “In about an hour’s time, your gut is going to be tighter than ever before, and my dick is going to be so fucking hard!”

Cam smiled. Putting on a show for Kirk had always been his undoing. Seeing Kirk get more and more aroused with the greater quantities he could stuff himself with, Cam had inadvertently developed an appetite that could rival even Kirk’s insatiable lust for food. He didn’t reply to the kinky man who had fattened him to such extremes. All he did was simply give two short, quiet little pig snorts.

“Oh, fuuuck!” Kirk moaned with arousal, suddenly losing interest in watching a movie altogether. 

For both of the men, those pizzas couldn’t arrive fast enough.

[thatdeadaquarius]

Heyo, Idk if you still do sagau but I hope you do 🙏🙏 anyway, this is lowkey wholesome but imagine one of acolytes were trying to communicate with a child but then they realize the child is deaf but reader so happened to be nearby. So then, whatever the character is saying the reader translates into sign language and its just a wholesome sight to see. Btw srry if this isn't what you usually write 😓 add anything to this if you want

OH NO THIS IS EXACTLY ALL THAT I WRITE RN ANON DW MY LOVE 😍

(*update: im so stupid i thought ur sunglasses pfp was a anon and didnt look any closer💀i aint livin this one down)

(Spoiler: i do plan to do imagines for other fandoms bc i have such niche AUs or ideas for them, a lot like this whole language stuff for Genshin Sagau :D )

IVE WANTED TO LEARN ASL FOR SO LONG BUT I HAVENT GOTTEN THE CHANCEEE theres no classes for it where i live ;/

THAT IS TO SAY I LIVEEE FOR COMMUNICATION STUFFFFF

Also srry its kinda short i just could only think of this cute little scenario- 😗

Rest in peace bc i have a whole fat post i wanna make about neurodivergence + general accessibility issues in Teyvat and their countries

Like where r the ramps babe

Where r the non-narrow ass doors

Why r we just constantly made to hike up mountains when we dont have to

And dont come at me with that,

"Theyre in their medieval age! They cant make stuff like that!"

Yeah, u right, they cant.

If they dont be ✨️creative ✨️and they dont use their fucking ✨️magic ✨️

Liyue got floating rocks and they cant make a goddamn disability elevator?? Bitch tf?

THAT IS TO SAY IN A VERY RANTING COUGHPASSIVE AGGRESSIVE AT GENSHIN COMMUNITY FOR NOT REPPING DISABILITIES MORECOUGH

WAY OF SAYINGGGG

Literally almost no one gets sign language in Teyvat

(despite the fact that in my perfect teyvat, sign lang. is superior bc everyone could make it the universal lang. ESP if we go by the cool AU of diff countries have diff languages, like Germanish lang for Mondstadt, Frenchish for Fontaine, etc.)

Off topic again srry-

◇

But you took a class once!! Or even checked out the alphabet and casual convo on ur own time :D

So u just chillin with Kazuha, Thoma, Sara, Gorou, and Kokomi (they vistin the main island to see u!! :] )

Meanwhile a little girl is walking around nearby, and is kinda going in circles

Almost like shes scared to go too far one way or the other,

So being the caring soul he is, (rlly all these boys here rn would notice and help lol)

Thoma comes up to her and squats down trying to talk to her :)

...

Yeah, she didn't say anything, just kinda,,

Motioned with her hands??

She looks like shes doing some kind of code to them..

Oh!

Thoma finally recognized this, its that hand language!! lmao hes got the spirit

so he asks Kazuha to try and see if he knows it or can even figure it out-

Nope. Nada de nada.

Then Kokomi, Sara and Gorou (whos a sweatin nervous mess he doesnt know how to act around kids esp kids in distress he seems like the type lol)

They all fail, Kokomi looks concerned bc she thinks the kids lost, but there no frantic parents nearby, Sara is trying to slowly understand what motions mean what i.e. points to a rock = learn sign from child etc,

Kazuha is trying to get the wind to help locate upset guardians nearby, and Gorou...

... is just 🧍‍♂️

LMAOOO

◇

So after a minute of this (bc u had originally been away at a street food vender, hey those dango were rlly good dont judge urself)

U come back, and see this mild flavor of chaos-

And are just like

"Oh ffs- just shoo, i got it guys"

And just, slowly, go thru some signs with the little girl to get the keywords at least

She lights up and is like bouncing, she goes hella fast at first but slows down when she gets ur hearing

Either way, she looks a lot happier now

U explain for her to the others to confirm her parents got seperated from her

She got lost and where she last saw them

u finally help escort her to the street she last saw her parents on :] !!

◇

Meanwhile the whole allogene group, shopkeepers, and Inazumans around you:

😦😯🥰🥺💓💞💘💖

Kokomi is holding back a squeal, shes gotta keep up her image, ahem-

Sara is like,, minutely vibrating?? Lmao

Kazuha is watching u like a fireworks show, intensely and yet fascinated

GOROU'S TAIL IS KINDA WAGGINGGG AW LOL

And Thoma just looks like a puddle of affection, just absolutely melted (he loves kids + he secretly loves you = dead Thoma)

Other people look weirdly, proud? Like theyre like "yeah thats our god, fuck yeah, knowing diff languages, go off, Your Grace 💅 " LMAO SORRY COULDNT RESIST and also some fascination

♡

Anyway, 2 very stressed looking dads see yall and the girl and one of them run up to hold each other

She starts rapidly signing, explaining to her dads the adventure she had and the cool people she met <3

The dads look at u and r like 🤔😶😱 "YOUR MAJESTY??!!" (VIGOROUS HAND MOTIONS)

They sign like,

"We're terribly sorry about you seeing us like this, we usually are much more together than this, a crowd just swept her off, its very busy today. Thank you so much for helping our girl, my Lord!! 😭😭"

Theyre like almost crying, oh geez, u reassure them and sign back that it happens to any parent at some point and that is matters more that they tried to get her back :]

◇

Meanwhile the rest of the group and the citizens are just watching yall like its the most amazing Olympic level tennis match in the world LMAO

Heads all in sync, watchin yall like 👋👍🙏LMAO IM SORRY

AW IT SUCKS ABOUT WRITING BC I CANT RLLY DEPICT SIGN LANGUAGE AS COOL AS I CAN IN COMICS OR THRU ART

THE EMOJI HANDS NEED SIGN LANGUAGE DAMMIT-

♡

🎵 Hi, it's me. I'm the problem, it's me. 🎵

That is to say none of yalls asks r eaten up, at least im pretty sure? Dw abt it im chugging along having the time of my life hehe >:)

Yall are fEEDIN ME TONIGHT!!

Hope yall r having a good weekend and have no hw if ur in school, or i hope ur shift goes good tomorrow! :]

Love yall!!

Cheers,

🌒🌧🌊Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

#this is hella cute #i wanna learn sign so bad #but i feel like i deffo need a class and not like some online videos #did i mention in there that in a perfect world or teyvat the trade or language would be sign language? #oh yes? #well just in case u didnt see ;) #genshin impact #ask box open #genshin sagau #my asks #sagau #genshin imagines #genshin sagau ideas #gender neutral reader #genshin isekai #genshin god reader #disability #genshin disability imagines #disability imagines

[catsharky]

It looks like her horns are much bugger and more devil like than tiefling naturally. Would her horns grow back to that shape if sue let them, or is it more like docking a tail and permanent? Would she become more comfortable with her original horns being around tieflings more if they could grow back? Why did she trim them initially?

Ehehe I'm glad you caught that, cause yeah you're right her horns are very much meant to be more devil than tiefling!

I figured if a devil is going to screw someone over by giving them a stolen child, why wouldn't they aim to pick one who would bring as much chaos and misery to that person as possible? Ember has no idea who her bio parents are, but she's definitely no ordinary Tiefling.

I put the rest under a read more because it got a bit long:

To try and kind of match the other companions, I wanted her to have the capacity to be incredibly powerful, but limited for game/story reasons. So for Ember, at least one of her parents is someone Powerful and Important in the hells, and that parent is where her sorcery comes from.

It means she's capable of crazy strong magic (like, on par with Gale before he got nerfed strong) but a combination of being self-taught and a lack of motivation means that she's never had a reason to find out what she's actually capable of. She also grew up very isolated, so until she met Gale she was under the impression that magic was just like that for everyone. And tied to all that, one of the most obvious tells that there's something else going on with her is her horns.

I like to think that for most Tieflings, their horns do grow throughout their lives, but hit what's considered 'full sized' by around puberty- at which point the growth slows to a crawl. I also have to assume based on Karlach's broken horn that if the horn breaks? It's gone for good, though they will still maintain that slow growth so long as the core at the base of the horn remains intact.

For Ember however, her horns are just enormous. At age 4 it's expected a Tiefling will have started growing their horns but that they'll still be blunt, nubby things like a baby goat. Ember's were the size they are in the age chart, and continued to grow even larger as she got older.

She likely would have trimmed them no matter what, because not being used to having horns in the first place made dealing with them frustrating, but they're really just unreasonably huge. She trims them down pretty much as far as she comfortably can, the blue tips being where the darker outer layers were cut away.

To her annoyance, they also grow back and do so remarkably fast, which is where the jewelry she has wrapped around them comes from. Those gold embellishments are actually enchanted so they'll stay the size she wants them! (They also keep them from catching on fire when her emotions are high, but that's a whole other thing) So she could actually let them grow back to their full size if she wanted to, she just doesn't because they'd be way too unwieldy and annoying to deal with.

And while I can see some of this stuff becoming relevant after the events of the game, for the duration of BG3's plot this is all just more or less flavour text. The magic stuff is the only part that would have a notable impact.

Also fun fact, this whole part of her backstory is just because I needed an excuse to make her immortal. I didn't have the strength to give Astarion a companion who he'd have to lose in less than 100 years. My heart can't take that 😭 So fuck it, she's the daughter of some big powerful demon or whatever so Astarion can have one nice thing that won't be taken from him!!!

#agent-jaselin #I do have one fun idea about Karlach having to clarify what is and is not Just Normal Tiefling Things™ #but we'll see if I ever get around to it #sharky speaks #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #my tav #sharky's tav #tav: ember #oc: ember #Ember lore drop #not sharky art

[quibbs126]

So I got around to redesigning Charcoal Cheese (yet again failing at not doing my designs, but I have been thinking about him and how to change him, so it’s not that bad)

For those that don’t remember the original (because it was almost a year ago), I’ll link it, but also I’ll just put a picture here

I had to redo him because the Golden Cheese update came out and the whole “kingdom being destroyed and everyone dying” thing kind of messed with things. Also he was basically like a gatekeeper for the kingdom, which is literally Burnt Cheese

But his new backstory is that he survived the destruction of the Golden Cheese Kingdom as a child, having been able to successfully flee, but he never returned to the ruins because he was terrified the monsters were still there, and so Golden Cheese thought he died, but couldn’t find his body to upload to the Golden City. Meanwhile Charcoal Cheese got amnesia, either from an injury or just repressed memories, and so he just lives in and wanders around the Parmesan Desert, and he just has a feeling to avoid the Golden Cheese Kingdom ruins. Also in his time he’s learned how to ride the Sand Jelly Worms and successfully avoid them

Meanwhile Dark Cacao has no clue about any of this and has just been assuming that Charcoal Cheese has been living fine with his mother. Yes he’s somewhat concerned that he’s not heard anything from his son since he was a child, but he doesn’t know where Golden Cheese has gone to anyways and is just hoping the best

I was originally gonna make his new backstory that he died but not all of his body parts could be found, so instead he’s just a ghost that wanders both the desert and the Golden City and Golden Cheese has no clue what’s happening. But I was struggling with trying to figure out a design and how his age works, until I got the new idea. Now he’s old

He’s still a bit of a prideful ass, but he also helps travelers avoid the worms and warns them of the ruins. Just don’t stroke his ego

That was quite a bit on backstory, but I have thoughts on him, alright?

Well then on to design. Not explaining the name because I did that in the original

I wanted to keep his little beard because he’s like one of the only ones with facial hair. Maybe I could have made it more though

I also changed his face markings because the original got mistaken for eye bags. Also it’s a purple diamond like his dad

His cloak was originally going to be brown, but I changed it to black because I thought it fit more with charcoal cheddar being mostly black. Also it means cool contrast with the inner part of the cloak (maybe he reverses it based on time of day)

I wasn’t planning on giving him gold stuff, since he’s supposed to be a desert hobo, but I ended up giving him some anyways. I guess it’s the dormant Golden Cheese itch for gold

Also this doesn’t have to do with the design process, but looking at the two designs side by side, you can really see the evolution of my Cookie Run style, and I’m kind of proud of that

But yeah, that’s about it for Charcoal Cheese, I hope you like his new look!

#cookie run #cookie run kingdom #golden cheese cookie #dark cacao cookie #goldencacao #cookie run oc #fankid #fanchild #charcoal cheese cookie #redesign #my ocs #my art

[abiiors]

we went to winter wonderland 🎄// matty healy x reader

twelve days of christmas - day 2

a/n: i've been slightly sad about...everything and writing is hard atm but i also don't want to abandon 12doc so have something that's loosely based on my irl relationship. it's really short, sorry :( cw: none, just fluff wc: 1k

the last ever winter they spend apart is quite shit to put it bluntly. 

matty’s a million kilometres away in LA where winter’s only a concept while she’s in their bed, alone and begrudgingly cuddling his hoodie in lieu of him and cussing out her boss and her boss’ boss and so on all the way to the top until she’s googled the ceo of the parent company that owns her firm and cussed him out too. matty laughs shamelessly the whole time. one, because she looks as threatening as a baby penguin all angry and swaddled in blankets, and two, because it’s her. 

she’s never failed to make him laugh. ever. 

“baby…” he tries to pacify, “it’s alright.”

“no it’s not!” her tone is firm. "i should be with you in LA! not rotting here in our bed because work got in the way."

her nose is slightly red from being out in the cold (it was the first snow of the season after all, matty knew she would be out) but he tells her to get tea regardless. and now, armed with a steaming mug of herbal tea and the saddest pout a girl could have, she looks all the more cuddly. 

“okay how about this,” he suggests, “you have your switch don’t you? go get it.” 

her face contorts in confusion. “you don’t have yours.”

“i’ll just steal hann’s.”

“matthew!”

but she gets up regardless, even if it’s after a few grumbles of “ugh, i just got cosy!”

matty, through their facetime call, wanders through the house with her. he has to admit—it’s lonely and quiet without him there. their home—perfect for two and too big for just her. he can’t wait to get back though. even sunny LA is a touch too cold without her there. 

“what do you wanna play?” she asks once she settles in bed again and matty’s ready with the answer. 

“animal crossing.”

“babe… we haven’t played that in ages, it’s gonna be so shit!”

he frowns at her stubbornness. “just turn it on will you? it will have snowed on there. you always love making those anatomically challenged snowmen!”

there’s a small giggle that follows. she’s well aware of what he’s referring to—they almost have a competition of sorts about who can make the most deranged-looking animal crossing snowman. 

as predicted, it’s weeds and more weeds everywhere the minute the game turns on. her little avatar exits her house, looking dishevelled and still in curated summer clothes. oh well… 

matty grins. “so i was thinking…”

“yeah?”

“we won’t get to go to a winter wonderland this year!”

“yeah,” she pouts again. 

“i was thinking we could make one.”

“in animal crossing?”

“in animal crossing!”

for a moment she’s quiet and matty worries that it’s a stupid idea. it is a little lame if he’s honest but there’s not much they can do with an entire ocean between them. but just as he feels his grin slipping, hers widens on her face. 

“matty! you are brilliant! i love you.”

“what was that?” he teases, laughing when she pokes her tongue out. 

“last to finish is the loser,” she declares. and before he’s even had a chance to plan a heist for adam’s switch, she’s shouting “go!” amidst protests from him and maniacal laughter from her. 

matty doesn’t care though—this is almost a complete 180 turnaround in her mood in quite a few days. 

two hours and a worrying amount of bickering later, they’re ready for the grand reveal. 

“mine is so much better!” she declares as soon as matty’s little avatar lands on her island. even her fucking avatar looks adorable, all bundled up in a big coat and matty’s ready to declare her the winner right there. still, he indulges her. 

he already knows it—hers is so much better! she’s always had an eye for all things cute (him included) but he stays and he listens. 

soft snow falls behind her on the facetime call and it’s clearly visible through the giant windows and the switch almost casts a perfect glow on her. not that matty’s entirely focussing on her tour of her animal crossing winter wonderland; he’d much rather stare at her while she’s talking but it’s over far too soon and before he knows it, her avatar is on his (hann’s) island and she’s laughing hysterically at his attempt of a wonderland. 

“matty!” she shrieks. “baby, this is so bad”

“what? how dare you, take that back!”

“there are weeds in the middle of your ‘skating rink’.” 

“uhhhh…” matty ends up shrugging much to her amusement. 

“yours is so shit!” she teases. “we agree that i’m the winner, right?”

“got you out of your grumpy mood though, didn’t i? so who’s the real winner here?”

“still me!”

and so he relents. two hours and a shit in game winter wonderland is a fantastic trade to make in exchange for her laugh. 

ten more minutes and she gets a little emotional again because of course she does. matty watches some of the joy in her eyes drain away, replaced by a tinge of the same sadness from before. 

“i hate being without you, especially during winters! it gets so cold.” the corners of her mouth turn down and a soft ache fills his chest. 

“i know, darling… i hate missing christmas but you’ll be with me next month, yeah?”

“yeah.”

much to his relief she doesn’t let it get her down this time, she tries to change the topic and talk about everything she’s been up to and all the plans she has with her friends. matty’s mind is made up though—this is the last winter he's willing to spend without her. come january, the ring hidden in his suitcase will find its place on her finger. 

lemme know what you think <33

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add yourself to the taglist

#christmas75 #12 days of christmas #the 1975 #matty healy #matty healy x reader #matty healy x you #matty x reader #matty x you #matty healy fluff #the 1975 fluff #ross macdonald #george daniel #adam hann #we went to winter wonderland and it was shit but we were happy

[unpretty]

May I get the dissertation on Beverly Hills Cop. Please.

andrew just turned on our bluray so i dug through my inbox to see if this ask was still here. however i'm not gonna do anything fancy, just liveblog obnoxiously.

ultimately it's an 80s cop movie so don't expect it to age well and not be that. it's still aged better than eddie murphy's delirious but that's not saying much (do not try to watch eddie murphy's early standup in 2023).

anyway first of all the theme song fucking rules, i'll never forgive crazy frog for what they did to this song (and also the many other crimes of that vile amphibian)

eddie murphy really carries this fucking movie. can you believe they wanted to give this to stallone??? fucking imagine. he wanted to be a cool guy named snake who drove cool cars. we can't be in the worst of all possible universes because that didn't happen and he stuck all his bad ideas in cobra (1986). allegedly he quit over a disagreement about orange juice, which is probably not true but is very funny to imagine. every anecdote you've ever heard about a funny scene being improvised actually came from this movie, i think. this might be the only movie where that's true. the original script is, according to Everyone, fucking dire. it was actually twelve scripts clumsily pasted together. they had no choice but to let a bunch of feral comedians run wild and waste miles of film because they kept making each other laugh. it was the only way to salvage anything out of that script.

i know what i just said about the script but the beginning of the movie is a fucking masterclass in efficient storytelling. every beat conveys multiple important points of information. you meet axel doing an illegal deal and. okay the part where a cop car slowly comes up behind them in the alley while they're arguing about money is extremely funny. there's a whole fucking chase scene before they reveal that axel was a cop the whole time which really sets the tone. this man is a con artist. he's doing his own thing. everyone's sick of his shit. he'd be extremely good at his job if his job was being a wacky vigilante and not a fucking cop.

they introduce A Mysterious Figure From His Past whose whole deal establishes that axel actually was a criminal, and he's got criminal friends, and those friends were so good they took the fall for his ass. they love him! he loves them!! he owes his whole scummy life to this guy!!! it makes it good and devastating when he fucking dies, and yeah, sure, of course axel is going to travel to beverly hills to avenge his dead friend. the scene is set, it took very little time, it told you very little directly. all things i enjoy.

from here on out a major source of tension is the fundamental difference in policing between a poor black city and a rich white city. they deliberately designed the beverly hills police department set to look like a private security firm for rich people. they had to invent the concept of gps, which did not exist, for these bougie cops. axel expects to be able to get away with a lot more than he does. he expects the cops to put up with a lot less than they do. the scene where bogomil makes taggart apologize to axel and asks if axel wants to press charges is cringe as fuck for how it makes this look ridiculous and not fully fucking reasonable to expect a cop not to punch a guy, even if he's being annoying on purpose. but it's important to establish the level of culture shock this is for axel, who has never in his life seen a white officer experience a consequence (he personally experiences many consequences).

if axel foley were played by a white man there is a 100% chance there would have been a romantic subplot with his lady friend who worked for the same rich asshole as their murdered friend. we're all clear on that, right? like. i enjoy the lack of a romantic subplot, but we all know why that's missing, right? they did not leave jenny single for girl power reasons.

allegedly bronson pinchot didn't tell anyone he was going to do that fucking accent in the art gallery scene until they were already filming. i feel like that scene is just two men trying to get each other to break on camera. anyway pinchot got a gig on perfect strangers because of it so good call buddy.

fucking. taggart and rosewood. john ashton and judge reinhold. fucking perfect. they were teamed up in the audition and instead of acting like cops they acted like an old married couple and the genius doing casting was like "yes perfect" and they got the job and also stuck the audition scene in the movie. the part where rosewood talks about all the red meat in your bowels. excellent. i love them. rosewood being the by-the-book cop because he's a rookie while taggart is rougher around the edges is so good. rosewood actually having a blast and really wanting to tell the fun story of how axel distracted them with food delivery and stuck bananas in their tailpipe is so good. damon wayans is credited as "banana man". there are no small roles in this life.

and the movie does my favorite thing, which is establish that taggart and rosewood and even bogomil actually are competent. they don't seem like it because axel is there literally sticking bananas in tailpipes, but they ARE good at their jobs. the strip club scene? they could have made it another "axel foley is the coolest cop" scene where he brings that guy down. but instead the other cops see that he's onto something and follow his lead.

the "supercops" scene is great because ashton fucking breaks. you can see him break. he is trying so hard not to break but it's too fucking funny.

there are multiple scenes where axel fucks up and it's always because he's actually very emotional and upset about his fucking friend getting murdered by a rich guy who expects no consequences. all of his major fuckups are because he really cannot stand that guy being a smug asshole about it. the scene at the country club is the one i could most stand to cut, but it's important for establishing axel's rage and also hubris. he is angry and he is impatient and he KNOWS this motherfucker is up to something. he wants to ruin this man's life. he wants to humiliate him. he doesn't care if it's legal. however you couldn't lose this scene without also losing "this all happened the last time i parked here" so it has to stay. also the part where axel pretends to be gay and implies he gave another man herpes as a con hasn't aged well. i still laughed, but, you know. i recognize it for what it is.

there's such a good scene with bogomil. where he's like. axel. for the love of god. give me something. you are clearly an intelligent man and you clearly think you are onto something. we are on the same side here. what the fuck is going on. and axel lays it all out and bogomil is like "that all sounds very plausible but you have jack shit for evidence, we are going to try to find evidence so we can do something about this LEGALLY" and then it's made clear that he is also beholden to authorities, specifically an appointed official who is very much on the side of wealthy shitheads. "i wanna be a good cop but politicians won't let me" is horseshit but as a narrative device it's a good one. definitely preferable to that bbc sherlock "i am a genius, let's establish this by surrounding me with bumbling morons" approach. i mean it's true that cops are all bumbling morons but it's bad storytelling if your main character is also, literally or figuratively, a fucking cop.

rosewood being talked into helping because he's young and really wants to do good is also good. is there axel foley/billy rosewood fanfic? there must be. rosewood is smitten with axel. you can see it. axel tells rosewood to think of him whenever he gets out of the shower. the signs are all there. where was i. jenny's insistence on participating (because she ALSO wants to avenge her dead friend) creates an unfortunate damsel situation, but that works out because the instant a white lady is in danger that creates all the incentive the plot needs for the cops to be useful. did you know she was an amateur bodybuilder? they should have let her kick ass.

then at the end when bogomil is like. hello boss. i have an explanation for everything that you cannot disprove. which is bad! they killed a man and are falsifying a police report. but also it's an axel move and that makes it okay because it's movies. axel convincing bogomil to talk to his boss by threatening to stay in beverly hills is a quality gag.

there's an alternate universe where the character does that and becomes a private eye and we get a procedural tv show out of it. apparently that almost happened. instead we got beverly hills cops two and three, which aren't as good, because they were actual movies with real scripts and not just bizarre fever dreams assembled from scraps of action movies that no one wanted to make glued together by comedians wasting film with some of the best one-liners you've ever heard.

#original #beverly hills cop