#i was reminiscing about knowing each other since like 2015. crazy

[puppysdog]

hi @vozz

#.txt #hi i love u #i was reminiscing about knowing each other since like 2015. crazy

[taylizmasterpost]

Reconciliation and Late-Stage Tayliz (September 2014 - Present)

Despite not seeing each other for a while, Taylor and Liz clearly still hold a soft spot in each other’s hearts.

During the Secret Sessions for 1989 in Nashville, fans took pictures in Taylor’s home, and you can clearly see she has photos from Charleston displayed:

When it came time to mend the fences between Taylor and Liz, Claire Callaway was the one who ended up doing it:

2 October 2014 - Claire tweets a TBT to the Charleston trip. Liz responds to it:

That seems to get the ball rolling, because when Taylor drops Out of the Woods as a single, this happens:

14 October 2014 - Taylor and Liz tweet about how much they miss each other:

Then, when Taylor walks the runaway with Karlie at the VSFS, this happens:

Taylor is with Karlie at the time, and obviously nothing romantic is happening on Liz’s end either, because...

20 December 2014 - Liz gets engaged to Bryan Brown and has dinner with friends:

16 February 2015 - Liz tweets that Taylor is badass

8 April 2016 - Liz makes this gay post on Facebook that I’d like to think is a response to Style, since the MV had come out a few months before:

And Liz seems to have found a group of gay friends...

Although, that could just be a typo.

15 July 2015 - Liz posts on Facebook that “Thanks to some really talented friends, I got to record something beautiful today. Can’t wait to share this one.” The picture she attaches definitely looks like Taylor:

Liz also tweets this:

We do NOT know where Taylor was that day. However, she performed in DC on the 1989 tour on the 14th and was papped in NYC on the 16th so it’s not impossible she was in Nashville working on something with Liz. Unfortunately, whatever they worked on has yet to surface (unless you subscribe to the theory that Liz is WB...)

3 August 2015 - Shawn Brooks releases a song called Matter of Time that was written sometime in 2014 by Liz.

Notable lyrics include:

She’s got me lovestruck, crazy Going out of my mind She’s got me lovestruck, crazy But sooner or later, she’s gonna be mine It’s just a matter of time

Don’t know what this means for Liz or TayLiz, since Liz has been with Bryan since early 2013 at the latest, but this is very gay and fun.

27 August 2015 - Thirst tweet:

31 August 2015 - Liz calls Taylor sexy in response to the Wildest Dreams MV:

15 October 2015 - Liz tweets about Better Than Revenge:

28 October 2015 -  Liz quote tweets Taylor about OOTW acoustic:

11 November 2015 - Liz responds to Caitlin’s tweet tagging Taylor about nostalgia:

9 December 2015 - Liz congratulates Taylor on her Grammy noms:

13 December 2015 - Taylor’s birthday. Liz wishes her HBD:

29 January 2016 - Liz says her favorite song from 1989 is This Love:

15 February 2016 - Liz and Taylor both attend UMG’s Grammys afterparty at the Ace Hotel Theater :

26 February 2016 - Liz posts a TBT to Charleston:

16 April 2016 - Liz and Taylor both attend Coachella:

6 May 2016 - Liz tweets about This Love:

10 May 2016 - Liz possibly writes STFU and Hold Me (likely about Bryan, since he’s out on tour with the woman he’s going to leave Liz for, signaling to me that their relationship is on the fritz):

4 August 2016 - Liz posts a throwback to the Vogue photoshoot at the Bowery.

3 September 2016 - Liz and Bryan’s last interaction on Twitter:

(Bryan had been on tour with Jillian -- who he’d later marry -- and tweeting at her all summer, much more than he’d been tweeting with Liz). It’s important to note the way their relationship ended for when we start studying who Liz’s songs are about.

26 November 2016 - Liz tweets about Clean, possibly signaling her and Bryan have broken up by this point:

13 December 2016 - Liz wishes Taylor happy birthday with a post about Charleston (captions vary based on site). This also signals to me that her and Bryan are over, since she’s reminiscing on Taylor picking her up off the ground after her breakup with Jason:

11 July 2017 - Liz tells a fan that You Are In Love and All Too Well are her favorite songs from 1989 and Red (guess her favorite song is no longer This Love…):

11 August 2017 - Liz releases STFU and Hold Me:

This MV has a LOT of parallels to the IKYWT video. The lyrics talk about “staring with a bang” (”took off faster than a green light go”?), and reckless abandon (”this path is reckless”). MV parallels are as follows (thank you @mercuryonparklane​ for all the help finding this):

(notice the key necklace?)

So, either Liz is lowkey ripping off Taylor’s work or she’s trying to signal that she was the muse for IKYWT. However, considering Liz is deliberately trying to keep her image separate from Taylor, it doesn’t make any sense that she would try and rip her off. Of course, it could just be a big coincidence...

30 September 2017 - In an interview with The Young Folks, Liz says that STFU and Hold Me is about “getting to that point in a relationship where you’re sick of going around and around talking about the same issue with your partner and it’s time to wave the white flag,” Huett says. “We’ve all been there.”

Of the lyrics “I’m coming from a line of problems / I was born and I became a product” Liz says “I’m not exactly the most polished person. I’d rather be real than perfect and sometimes that means I say things that make people uncomfortable or act out in relationships and test limits, etc… I’m an honest mess but I believe I can and should be loved in light of that. :)”

I still think this song was written about the end of her relationship with Bryan, but it’s still interesting to see how Liz describes herself in relationships.

27 October 2017 - Liz releases H8U

This is another song that I think was written about Bryan. The lyrics reference taking another woman to a Tom Petty concert (Liz LOVES Tom Petty) and generally moving on quickly with another woman, which seems apt for the Bryan/Jillian situation going on.

HOWEVER, the lyrics also reference “our first date two years ago,” which doesn’t make any sense, since Liz and Bryan didn’t break up until 2016 and were together since early 2013. So it could maybe be lyrically about Taylor.

I do think the MV makes a deliberate Taylor reference, though, with the interrupting the wedding scene. Taylor famously had Liz dress as the Bridezilla on the Speak Now album art:

And, at the end of the H8U MV, Liz DOES kiss the blonde bride on the mouth after interrupting her wedding... which is... INTERESTING (especially since Liz is dressed in full RED the whole MV):

I don’t think it’s a stretch to presume Liz could’ve reversed their roles here. IDK.

9 November 2017 - Liz makes her “H8U, love these” playlist on Spotify, which features All Too Well.

1 November 2017 - Liz obsesses over Reputation:

15 November 2017 - Taylor posts an IG story with photos of her Liz and Caitlin in Australia in the background:

13 December 2017 - Liz wishes Taylor happy birthday:

20 December 2017 - In a now deleted tweet Liz obsesses over New Year’s Day

6 April 2018 - Liz releases Don’t LV U Anymore. Here are some interesting lyrics:

I don't steal your chapstick anymore / Don't wake up to your kiss anymore / And I don't have a washer and dryer full of guitar picks anymore / 'Cause you don't come over to my place anymore / Don't flirt with my roommate anymore / And I don't run to your friends / To get them on my side when we fight anymore / And I never say it / I keep it inside / But maybe I'm wasted / Or maybe it's time to get this off my chest, babe / ... / I don't love you anymore / But I don't love you any less / I don't play you my songs anymore / To see if they're good anymore / You don't tell me your secrets / 'Cause you don't know if I keep them to myself anymore / I don't go to church anymore / Don't know what to believe anymore / And I don't remember the beat of your heart / The smell of your car anymore / ... / Two years and counting / Still got all this weight on my chest / Two years and counting / And I can't remember what I can't forget

Based on the “two years and counting” line, as well as the line about a washer and dryer of guitar picks, I’m inclined to believe this is another song about Bryan. 

However, it is a really similar sentiment to that Civil Wars song Liz posted back when her and Taylor first ended things, and the line about running to get friends on a side when fighting is very similar to the “you go talk to your friends, talk to my friends talk to me” in WANEGBT and the image in Battle/Let’s Go of all their friends standing around watching them fight. Could go either way.

9 April 2018 - Liz reposts a Facebook post announcing Dammit that implies it was written a while ago. But we already knew that.

19 May 2018 - Reputation in Pasadena. Liz attends. Surprise Song: All Too Well. Camila Cabello is the opening act.  

27 May 2018 - Liz gives an interview at Bottlerock festival where she says that Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus is a song she used to get over someone (likely Bryan). She also says Havana was the song she last had stuck in her head -- probably because Camila performed it at Taylor’s show the previous week.

14 March 2019 - Liz makes a happy birthday post for Antoni (who’s dating her friend Trace):

27 April 2019 - Bryan and Jillian get married:

3 May 2019 - Liz releases Nothing Personal:

This feels like DIRECT BRYAN SHADE, since she released it right after his wedding. However, you definitely could also read it as being about being let go from The Agency.

Early May 2019 - Taylor shoots YNTCD. Her and Antoni bond over their love of The National (keep in mind Taylor would end up asking a member of the National to work on exile with her):

17 June 2019 - Liz likes Taylor’s post announcing YNTCD is out:

26 June 2019 - Liz posts on IG a video of unreleased song “One of These Days” with the caption “i’m emo” Lyrics:

One of these days I’ll rise above the blue / One of these days when I get sober too / I’ll be flying high you know / Gonna say I told you so / One of these days I’ll rise above the blue / The stars will align / My heart will come back to life / I won’t have to cry anymore / Someday soon, when I / When I get over you / One of these nights I’m gonna get some sleep / One of these nights you won’t be in my dreams / I will lay this love to rest / I will miss you in this bed / One of these nights I’m gonna get some sleep / The stars will align / My heart will come back to life / I won't have to cry anymore / Someday soon, someday / When I get over you

More evidence that Liz does, indeed, struggle with the things that Reddit post suggested.

14 August 2019 - Liz posts on IG a video of an unreleased song called “I Wanted It to Be You” with the caption “I really did” and a red rose emoji. Lyrics:

I’ll find someone else to take your place / In no time at all I’ll be okay / So you don’t have to say it babe / We don’t have to cry / ‘Cause I know you got shit to do / And baby so do I / I’ll find someone else to take your place, hey / I wanted it to be you I’m closing down the bar with / I wanted it to be you I’m fighting in the car with / Who I could push away / Come back and beg to stay / Ooh, I wanted it, I wanted it, I wanted it / I wanted it to be you

Likely for Bryan BUT maybe a red rose grew up out of frozen ground with no one around to tweet it (lol I’m joking the lakes is very likely not about Liz).

22 August 2019 - Taylor releases the Lover MV, featuring the “breakable heaven” board game:

In the bottom left corner, you can spot a blue 0527. May 27th is Liz’s birthday. What does this mean? I don’t know. I absolutely do not know, but whatever it is is driving me INSANE.

28 August 2019 - Liz posts on Twitter a screenshot of her listening to Cornelia Street:

16 October 2019 - Liz comments on a fan’s video of Taylor performing at the NPR Tiny Desk concert saying “she cute”:

19 November 2019 - Liz says on IG that her favorite songs from Lover are The Archer and Cornelia Street:

22 November 2019 - Liz releases That’s What You Get. This is the one late-stage Liz song that I FULLY BELIEVE is about TayLiz due to a few very specific lyric parallels:

“That’s what you get when you recklessly fall in love” >> “This path is reckless” from Treacherous

“That’s what you get for keeping your armor up” >> “You come around and the armor falls” from State of Grace >> “I would put my armor down if you said you’d rather love than fight” from Story of Us.

“And all your friends are lining up to hate me” >> “You go talk to your friends talk to my friends talk to me” from WANEGBT >> “First shot’s fired everybody’s gathered around” from Battle >> “I can't run to your friends anymore / To get them on my side when we fight anymore” from Don’t LV U Anymore.

It also, just from an outside perspective, doesn’t make any sense for Liz to write a breakup song about Bryan blaming herself when it seems very clear to me that they broke up because Bryan wanted to be with Jillian instead. That’s not her fault. So either this is about another breakup (I’d guess Taylor, based on the lyric parallels), or she’s just very very self-loathing and won’t let herself think it’s Bryan’s fault (which both H8U and Nothing Personal don’t suggest to me).

25 November 2016 - Liz posts a video on her IG story about Taylor at the VMAs.

6 December 2019 - Liz talks about That’s What You get with Earmilk and gives an interesting quote: 

Huett explains, “This song is about facing myself after a brutal season of running from it... I made a self-destructive choice that hurt someone I really value. The angle of the chorus is really sort of a letter to me after that first long look in the mirror. It SUCKED. However, in owning my shit (and sharing this song) my hope is that listeners might apply the sad lesson without having to learn the hard way, or, if they’ve ever found themselves in the regretful position I was once in, I hope this song can at least make them feel less alone."

This is SO DIFFERENT fro mhow her relationship with Bryan ended, but matches up so well with Liz getting help and owning her shit after spiraling in 2012.

24 July 2020 - Folklore drops. Two of the songs are written by the mysterious William Bowery. One of those songs is Betty -- a popular nickname for Elizabeth. Liz tweets at Taylor about the 1 because all of Taylor’s exes wanna think that song is about them.

So, IN CONCLUSION: Liz got help and worked through her shit and they’re on good terms now. They were possibly working on something together in 2015, although that never saw the light of day as far as we know. Liz seems to maybe be referencing Taylor in her music and MVs, but there’s no way to know for sure. Better Than Revenge on the Speak Now Tour was an iconic moment of sapphic energy, and maybe, just maybe, when Taylor re-records her masters, Liz will sing backup for her again.

Thanks for reading!

[leahxx129]

Truth or Cut (Dean Winchester x Reader x Sam Winchester)

Hello there! This my * very VERY * late submission to @dontshootmespence​ ‘s   Alphabet Angst for 8k Challenge. I am incredibly sorry for this delay but I had to take a break away from Tumblr and social media in general in order to focus on my mental/physical health & other issues in my private life. Now I think I’m ready to return and create content again. As for the story, I hope you like it. This is my first attempt at a love triangle. Important: does not include Wincest so it’s safe to read for anyone who’s not into that. Also, I inserted a ‘Keep reading’ line, I hope it’s visible.

Summary: The British Men of Letters try a new approach to acquire the Winchesters’ cooperation, which leads to heartbreaking revelations. 

Warnings: cursing, bloodshed, mentions of sex, character death

Word count: 2.750-ish

* Moodboard is mine, pictures used are not.

You gain consciousness to two male voices calling your name frantically.

“She’s opening her eyes, Sam! She’s alright… Look!” the hoarse baritone belonging to the elder Winchester reassures his brother a second after your eyelashes have started fluttering.

“Well, that’s the overstatement of the year, Dean… Let’s just say I’ll live.” you grumble once you fully come around. “What the hell?!”

Usually you’re more eloquent than that but at the moment it’s the best you can muster, considering that you’ve awakened in what appears to be an abandoned warehouse and all three of you are handcuffed to uncomfortable metal chairs organized in a neat triangle, facing each other. The only source of light are a few flickering candles placed on a table nearby.

“That’s what we’re trying to figure out, babe.” your long-term boyfriend Sam replies in a soothing tone.

His handsome face seems intact – minus a couple of scars he obtained in previous fights – so being ambushed is crossed off the list of possible explanations on what happened and how you got here. Maybe you were drugged? If yes… by whom? The things that go bump in the night prey upon their enemies and slash their throats open, not abduct them.

A heavy silence falls on the place, only the crackle of the candle flames can be heard.

You have no idea how much time has passed – it could’ve been an eternity as well as ten minutes – when suddenly a consecutive knocking sound fills your auditory canals.

“Are those… are those high heels?” you ask aloud incredulously.

“Louboutin’s to be exact, my dear.”

Every head snaps to the accent’s direction just in time to see an elegantly dressed slender woman step into the candle-lit area.

“But excuse my manners… talking about fashion before introducing myself? How rude of me. I’m Lady Toni Bevell on behalf of the British Men of Letters.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Dean growls “You know, here in America no means no, Lady! We’ve already told your stupid little boyband to fuck off. We’re not here to do their bidding, we’re here to save lives.”

“So I’ve heard.” She nods in understanding. “But yet, we’d still like to gather some information, one way or another.”

She walks over to the table and unfolds a neatly wrapped package, revealing a knife. Suddenly, Sam’s sarcastic chuckle fills the place.

“And you think you can get us to spill by torturing? Seriously?”

A predatory smile spreads across Toni’s face as she casually picks up the weapon of her choice.

“I was thinking about playing a game that may involve torture. It’s up to you whether it does or does not.”

“What game?” you ask suspiciously.

“I’d like to call it Truth or Cut. Maybe Truth or Stab, depending on the importance of the information you intend to withhold. The rules are the following… I ask something and if you reply, that equals truth, and nothing will happen. If you do not wish to answer, just say cut and I’ll sink my knife into your flesh.”

“You’re crazy!” Sam exhales in disbelief.

“Thank you, Sam! I’m going to take that as a compliment. And since we are already engaged in a conversation, let’s start with you.” She walks to the center of the triangle to face the younger Winchester. “I’d like you to give me the names of American hunters you consider the best.”

Sam leans a bit forward, his face is unreadable.

“Bite me!” he hisses through gritted teeth. “I’m not gonna participate in your psychotic game. You can’t make me.”

Toni flashes a dangerous smile once more.

“Are you sure about that?”

She slowly walks behind your chair and places the blade under your right collar bone.

“If you refuse to pick either truth or cut, your loved ones will pay the price for it, big guy.”

Sam’s eyes search yours for confirmation of the next step and you nod.

“You’re bluffing.” He counters Toni.

The next second you feel the metal pressed against you slash into soft skin and you can’t suppress a loud grunt of pain. Blood starts oozing from the wound and your white tank top soon begins to acquire a shade of crimson.

The brothers yell ‘No!’ in unison, then Dean delivers an impressive selection of curse words – sneaking in some that were new even to you.

Toni strolls over to Sam.

“Now I ask again. Name the best American hunters you know.”

“Cut.” Sam responds in a tone just above whisper. He soundlessly flinches when the woman draws blood by sliding the blade across his left forearm.

“Alright… Who wants to be next? Perhaps Dean? List all the places where we can find extensive knowledge on the supernatural, not counting the Man of Letters safe houses of course.”

Dean’s gaze meets Toni’s and for a second you think you can see her confidence falter because of the deadly rage and utter disdain that radiates from the hunter, but she soon regains composure.

“So? Is it truth or cut, Dean? You know what will happen if you refuse to choose.”  

“Cut!” he emphasizes the t at the end.

You’re next and you pick cut as well. Then the cycle starts all over again...

You’ve made three rounds without anyone breaking and giving Toni what she wants, which visibly annoys her.

“Let’s shake things up a bit by changing the topics, shall we?” she announces out of the blue, making all of you knit your brows.

Spinning around on her heels, she turns to Sam.

“Sam! Did you manage to decide where you want to propose to Y/N? In my personal opinion the place where you said your first I love you-s is more romantic than the place where you first met, but that’s just plain old me.”

Sam’s eyes widen in shock, reflecting your own facial expression.

“Sam? What is she talking about?” you question in a thin voice, perplexed.

A shy, boyish smile appears on his face as he looks deep into your eyes, reminding you of the very first time you’ve seen him.

“Uh, yeah. She’s right. Although I have no idea how she knows this, but I did indeed plan on proposing to you at one of those places, probably where we met… up until now. Now I have to come up with something else I guess.”

A mixture of emotions floods your heart, making you undecisive what to say first. You finally open your mouth to speak but before a sound can escape, Toni directs the next question to Dean.

“Alright, that was a truth, so no cuts. Now, Dean! I am certain she will not get offended so you can tell me honestly… Is Y/N a good kisser?”

“How would I know?” he asks back, lacking any hesitation. “I think you’re mistaking me with Sam, her boyfriend. You know, the tall guy whose proposal you’ve just ruined? Next time you play this game with someone, have your facts checked first, Suit pants.”

The confusion on Sam’s face slowly starts to fade away, but Toni presses on relentlessly.

“Oh, Dean... That was a very convincing performance! But, unfortunately for you, I did have my facts checked. And according to these facts, you and Y/N locked lips passionately just two years ago, in 2015. Isn’t that right, Y/N?”

Everybody’s eyes are on you waiting for your reaction, and you can’t help but reminisce about the event in question.

You were having a hard time finding the key for the motel room you were renting - courtesy of the bottle of bourbon you’d consumed earlier. All those keys on the chain looked the same and neither of them seemed to fit into the lock, let alone open the damn door… In addition to that, the world slowly started spinning and you had to prop yourself against the doorframe to prevent an ugly fall.

“Need a hand there, Sweetheart?”

Your heart skipped a beat from the scare but soon calmness washed over you as you identified the person. You could recognize that husky voice anywhere, intoxicated or not.

“Dean Winchester!” you exclaimed, turning around to find him leaning against your car you’d parked near the doorway. “The world’s deadliest hunter and mightiest panty dropper turned hell’s cruelest demon! To what do I owe this pleasure? Considering that you’ve gone out of your way to ignore both me and Sam in the past couple of months.”

He leisurely pushed himself from the car and started walking towards you.

“I needed a breath of fresh air, that’s all. But speaking of whom… where’s Sam?”

He almost left no distance between your bodies when he finally stopped. What was he doing? If he wanted to kill you, he probably would’ve done it already…

“I don’t know. Why don’t you give him a call, huh? Ask him how he’s doing? You could make him the happiest man alive…” you replied with a bitter undertone.

A shit-eating grin formed on Dean’s handsome face.

“Uh-oh. Is there trouble in paradise?”

“Shut it, Dean! It’s really none of your business.” You said, crossing your arms and averting your gaze.

His comment hit a nerve – you both knew that – but the last thing on Earth you wanted to do was discussing your relationship crisis with him. If you still had a relationship, that is.

To much of your surprise, the next second he grabbed your chin, forcing you to look at him and pressed his lips against yours. It felt terribly wrong but incredibly right at the same time… It took you half a minute to gather all your willpower and push him away.

“Y/N? Is it true?” Sam’s voice brings you back to reality.

Tears start dwelling up in your eyes, providing a wordless answer. He swallows hard.

“Why?”

“It’s all my fault, okay?” Dean speaks up as you’re clearly unable to form a coherent sentence. “I kissed her, man. It happened when I was a demon… I figured if I kissed her, I’d piss you off enough to leave me alone. Besides, she was totally hammered and still pushed me away.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better, Dean?!”

“I don’t know… a little, maybe?”

Sam scoffs then all of a sudden realization hits him.

“You didn’t answer the question.”

“What?”

“Is my girlfriend a good kisser?”

Both you and Dean stare at him in shock.

“C’mon man, you can’t seriously want me to answer that…” Dean attempts to change the subject but doesn’t succeed. Sam’s stare makes it obvious he won’t let this one slide. He won’t let go until he hears the truth no matter how unpleasant it may be.

“Yes.” Dean blurts out. “She’s a good kisser. In fact, she’s one of the best kissers I’ve ever encountered in my entire life. Happy now?”

The only response is a nod.

“Oh wow…” Toni lets out an excited sigh. “Changing the topic was the best idea ever, don’t you agree? Now, let’s move on to Y/N. She’ll get the most interesting question in my repertoire.”

She slowly walks over to you, her Louboutin’s menacingly tap against the concrete every step of the way. She crouches down, tucks a strand of hair behind your ear and asks the most ruthless question in the sweetest voice.

“Which one of the Winchester brothers is better in bed?”

The tears you’ve been holding back for quite some time now break free and roll down your cheeks swiftly.

“I mean, it’s not entirely true what Dean said, now is it? You did push him away but then you pulled him back...”

Complete silence ensues and you swear you can hear three hearts break if you listen closely.

You were standing there more confused than ever. What the hell was Dean doing?! Was this a long time coming or was he playing some sort of a game? Either way… If you were sober, you most certainly would’ve punched him in the mouth. But due to your condition – or at least that’s what you’ve been telling yourself ever since – you pulled him back and kissed him there instead. The part of how you got inside the room was a blur, but soon enough you found yourself tangled up with him in the sheets. Torn clothes peppered the floor, a smell of bourbon lingered in the air and Dean treated you as if you were the single, most important person in the entire universe. You truly thought you’d never been happier – then came the morning and shattered everything to a thousand pieces.

“You know, to encourage picking truth regarding this question, I am going to tell you something you yourself may not even be aware of, Y/N.” Toni breaks the silence. “There is something else that’s not true in what Dean said. He did not spend that night with you just to piss Sam off… He’s been attracted to you ever since you’ve met and being a demon allowed him to shamelessly do something about it.”

You whisper ‘Cut’ as a reply and Toni’s face hardens.

“Oh, honey… withholding this information is worth a stab.”

Before you can comprehend her words, she swings the knife and it ends up in your right thigh. You don’t think you’ve ever seen this much blood come from a stab wound… Both Winchester men yell in protest, but their voices become distant as you slowly slip into unconsciousness.

Mary and Castiel tracked down your location and arrived just in time. You almost bled to death, but the angel managed to heal the wound. For a while you wished he didn’t.

Three weeks later you’re sitting in your car at an abandoned gas station. About fifteen minutes after your arrival, a black SUV parks near you. You limp to the vehicle and tear its door open, barely containing your fury.

“What the fuck was that, Toni?!” you question while getting in and pointing a gun at her.

She glances at the weapon then looks you in the eye.

“Is that necessary?”

You cock the gun in response.

“Alright. So, as you know, the management decided that you delivering information to us about the Winchesters is not enough anymore.”

“Yes, that’s why you’ve contacted them directly, I know.”

“Correct. But since they refused to cooperate, the management came up with a plan of disrupting their unity. This way it’s just a matter of time and one of them will be knocking on our door. I suspect it will be Sam.”

A bitter laugh escapes you lips.

“So that’s what this was? A disruption of unity? Really?! And why didn’t I know of this, huh?”

“We needed your reactions to be genuine.”

“God, you’re a bunch of psychopaths… You know what, I’m not gonna do this anymore. I quit.”

She lets out a loud scoff.

“Please… what are you going to tell them? Furthermore, how do you think they will react when they learn that the love of their lives is a snitch?”

You let your gun down.

“I’ll make sure they know why I became a snitch... I’ll make sure they know how I made a crossroad’s deal years ago to save them both. I’ll make sure they know how you offered to delay the hellhounds in exchange for some information every now and then. I have no idea how they’ll react, but maybe someday they’ll understand and find it in their hearts to forgive me.”

Toni stares daggers at you.

“I suggest you think this through carefully, Y/N, as we still hold your deal. One bad move and the hellhounds will come and get you. No more delaying.”

You flash her the biggest smile you can summon.

“Well, it’s been a while since the last time I played with puppies from the pit… I think I’m ready.”

Not waiting for her reaction, you get out of the car and start limping back to yours. By the time you get in, Toni is gone.

You’re all alone.

Well, not entirely alone to be fair.

The grumbling hellhounds in your backseat keep you company.

You take your phone out of your pocket avoiding any sudden movements and type a quick message to the Winchesters:

‘My nightstand, second drawer.’

Toni thought she could prevent you from exposing the truth by taking action quickly, but she wasn’t paying attention. You never said you were gonna tell them everything. You said you would make sure they know. And the detailed farewell letters you left for them in your drawer will serve the purpose well.

#nicolesalphabetangstfor8k #dontshootmespence #dean winchster x reader #dean winchester #sam winchester x reader #Sam Winchester #supernatural fic #supernatural #SPN #spn fanfiction #sam x reader #dean x reader #sam x reader x dean

[ibelieveinharrystyles]

Chapter One: Something New

this is the first part of my new series i hope you enjoy it :)

Forever? Masterlist

31st October 2015

Somehow Ashley was late, well she wasn’t late late, just later than she had said she’d be, who knew getting two trains from Holmes Chapel to Sheffield could be so time consuming. She panted heavily as she approached the security at the back entrance to the arena, showing them her driver’s license, and they checked her name off of the guest list, Paul led her down the corridors and through the arena to catering where Harry was sat eating food from the buffet, they hadn’t seen each other in almost a month, but they still managed to speak pretty much everyday. She quietly approached her best friend who was sitting across the table from Niall, clearly involved in a heated debate. “Guess who?” she chimed, covering his eyes with her hands.

“Susan Boyle?” he joked, before Ashley lightly slapped him round the back of the head.

“You’re a little shit, you know that don’t you?” she told him as she placed her bag and jacket on the chair beside Harry.

“But you wouldn’t have me any other way would you?” he replied, standing up and hugging her from behind, his arms wrapped tightly around her shoulders, his exquisitely decorated arms holding her tightly. “I’ve missed being your little shit.” Harry told her, “Food! Do you want some food? I told Sarah to make your favourite because I knew you were coming.”

“You’re a soft bugger aren’t you?”

“I think I prefered little shit.” Harry chuckled, his cheeky grin stretching from ear to ear.

“So how’ve you been?” Harry asked eagerly as the two of them found a space at a spare table, Ashley tucking into her plate of cheesy pasta and salad.

“Not bad, It’s weird not being in education, when I decided to take a gap year I thought I’d be buzzing, but I’m so bored.” She explained, twirling the pasta on her fork.

“Well I’m just happy to have you here love, I missed you.” he smiled, picking at Ashley’s pasta.

“I missed you too H, do you reckon you’ll come back home when the break begins?”

“For a little bit, I’m back at Christmas, but it looks like I’ll be in LA for New Years this year.”

“Oh I bet you will,” Ashley teased.

“What do you mean by that?” Harry smirked.

“You know exactly what I mean Styles! I do use social media you know, I’ve seen the pictures of you and Kendall, as long as you’re happy I’m happy, you are happy aren’t you?” she replied.

“I am Ash, I think I am.” Harry replied, sitting back in his plastic chair.

“What do you mean you think?”

“Alright Ashley? How’s tricks?” Louis asked as he took a seat beside her.

“Not bad, not bad, I hear congratulations are in order though, dad! that’s pretty crazy.”

“Yeah it’s mad innit, I’m excited though, lookin’ forward to it.”

“I’ve seen you with your Doris and Ernie, you’ll be a great dad.” she assured him.

“Cheers darling that means a lot,” Louis replied.

“I’ll see you two later.” Harry stood you, prepared to slip away before the topic of conversation turned back to him.

“Hey Styles! You didn’t answer my question.” Ashley called after him.

“Forget what I said, I’m happy. Promise.”

The final show was less than an hour away, the boys and their respective family and friends were all sat in catering together, the mood was different, everyone would always be so hyped up for a show, but today they were mellow, there was the same laughter there had always been, that was unmistakable, but it was different, everyone was reminiscent, talking about their favourite memories of the band that had been such a massive part of their lives. Ashley could sense Harry was quieter, he sat next to her twiddling with his thumbs and fiddling with his hair that Lou had only just fixed. “You wanna go for a walk?” She whispered, nudging his arm, he nodded.

The pair found themselves sitting on some steps behind the stage, the shrieks and chatter of the fans surrounded them as they did, “What’s eating you up H? I don’t think I’ve seen you like this before.” She rubbed her hand up and down his back, letting him know she was there if he needed her.

“Do you think we’re making a mistake?” Harry asked, looking at the floor.

“I think you’re making the right decision for you, look at it this way, you wouldn’t drive a car from London to Scotland without stopping off in Liverpool for petrol on the way, and you ,might decide not to stay in Liverpool too long, but on the other hand you might like Liverpool a lot, and you might decide to stay in Liverpool longer then you’d planned. What I’m trying to say is H, the last five years have burnt you all out, you wouldn’t be human if they hadn’t, no one would blame you Harry, how could they?” Before the band Ashley had always looked to Harry for advice, like she would an older brother, but ever since the X Factor final the tables turned, Y/N would always assure Harry that somehow everything was going to be alright.

“I’ve been offered a solo record deal.” Harry told her quickly, like it was a plaster he’d been meaning to rip off of his skin.

“That’s good isn’t it?”

“It’s three albums, no time scale, no pressure.”

“Looks like you’ll be stopping off in Liverpool a little longer than originally planned.” She told him, causing Harry to let out a loud chuckle, he rested his head on her shoulder and let out a relieved sigh, “Do you remember what I told you that night at the X Factor Final? when you were a skinny sixteen year old in baggy jeans, and I was a little fourteen year old with a terrible fringe.”

“No I don’t, that whole night is a massive blur.” he replied.

“You were anxious about the future, I told you that moment was just the beginning but you weren’t sure, and I said to you, tell me that in five years when you’ve got number one albums, won awards and sold out arenas, and frankly Harry my sentiments remain the same, you are going to do amazing things in the next few years, and the world will get to see the real Harry Edward Styles.”

The final show had drawn to an end, there were tears, before, during and after the show, mostly from the mums, tears of joy that their sons had accomplished so much, but also tears of sorrow, the feeling of uncertainty, not knowing what the next few years would hold. “You alright?” Ashley asked Harry whilst they were standing at the bar in the midst of the after party.

“Yeah, just about, come here,” he wrapped his arms around her, swaying from side to side as the music changed, “I’m so lucky I get to call you my best friend.”

“It's that song H, the one that Gemma had on that day we first met.” Ashley told him, gazing up at her best friend.

“We best go dance to our song then.” He replied, taking her by the hand and leading her to the dancefloor, the two of them dancing how you would expect two slightly drunk people to dance “But you don’t pull my strings cause I’m a better man moving on to better things!” Harry shouted, as they continued to dance together, laughing hysterically as Ashley held onto Harry’s hands.

“Strong dance moves Ash.” Niall chuckled as she returned to the bar, “Oh this is Matt, he’s been part of our tour crew for the UK leg, Matt this is Ashley.”

“Nice to meet you.” His Geordie accent thicker than any she’d heard before, his hair was combed back on top, and short at the sides, leading her to infer he was a peaky blinders fan. “Those were some impressive dance moves.”

“I’ll leave you two to it.” Niall announced taking his beer from the bar, “don’t do anything I wouldn’t,” He whispered to Ashley, sparking a small grin on her face.

“What are you drinking?” Matt asked as she took a seat on the barstool beside him.

“Heineken.” She told him, he raised his eyebrows, clearly surprised, “Were you expecting me to say white wine or something?”

“Usually I can tell what sort of drink someone would go for, how about you grab us a table and I’ll bring your drinks over.”

Ashley had no clue what possessed her to invite Matt back to her hotel room, he said he fancied a chilled one where it was quieter, and she quite agreed, the music was intense and the chance of having a proper conversation was slim to none. “So how long have you known Harry?” he asked, taking a swig from his beer bottle.

“Ten years, we were neighbours when we were kids, and I guess we’ve just been best friends since then.” She explained.

“So you’re not together?” He asked.

“God no, Harry’s like my brother, he’s always looked out for me, I’ve always looked out for him.” She explained.

“And what does your boyfriend think of how close you two are?”

“I haven’t got one.”

“There’s no way someone as fit as you doesn’t have a boyfriend,” he told her, edging closer to where she was sitting on the bed, placing his hand on the bare skin of her thigh, gradually sliding it up, under her skirt.

“You’ve got protection haven’t you?” she asked, reciprocating his kisses.

“Of course I do.” He told her, unbuckling his belt, his kisses became more intense as he hovered over her, there was no connection, not on Ashley’s part anyway.

“Rise and shine sleepyhead.” Ashley stirred from her sleep to see Harry knelt beside her bed, “I bought you some food petal,” He told her, stroking the hair from her face, before passing her a face wipe to remove last night’s makeup from her face.

“What did I do to deserve a friend as good as you?” She asked, sitting up in bed as she took a croissant from the plate Harry had placed beside her bed to nibble on.

“You’re clearly just born lucky.” He told her, “So tell me, where did you and Matt get to last night?”

“Oh shit.” she fell back against the pillow, hiding her embarrassed face from Harry, “We slept together,” she whispered.

“And he’s not here now? He’s literally just left you here? If I weren’t the calm person I am I’d be out of here looking for him.” Harry exclaimed, the anger in his voice apparent.

“If I’m honest H, I’m not bothered whether I see him again or not, he wasn’t the best I’ve had.”

“Who was?” Harry asked, clearly intrigued who his best friend had been with.

“Luke.” She shot him a knowing look, waiting for him to figure it out.

“As in Australian Luke? When did that happen?” He asked.

“The Take Me Home Tour Show in London, it was only one night Haz.”

“How come you never told me?”

“Do you tell me about every aspect of your sex life?” She replied quickly.

“I best leave you to get ready,” he stood up, making his way towards the door, “Quick one love, if you are going to have sex next door to me in the middle of the night could you keep it down a bit, these walls are paper thin.” He turned on his heel, smirking cheekily as he strolled out of her room.

“You’re a little shit Harry!” Ashley shouted after him.

“Love you too!” Harry shouted back, sighing to himself as he left the room.

#harry styles fanfiction #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #lockscreen #niall horan #harry styles #thoughts #one direction #one direction memes #solo harry #fanfiction #harry styles best friend fic #best friend harry #choose love #stay home stay safe #treat people with kindness #timothee aesthetic

[underachievers-please-try-harder]

Interview // Daughters of Reykjavik

For The Forty-Five. Read online.

Dry pussy feminist bitch?” Salka Valsdottir is trying to recall the most offensive comment her band has ever received online. “There are so many bad ones,” the rapper and producer smirks unruffled, speaking over Zoom from the Berlin studio in which she works. In the seven years since their formation, Daughters of Reykjavik – FKA Reykjavíkurdætur – have become depressingly accustomed to verbal abuse. It’s heartening, then, to hear them reclaiming these very slurs on new track ‘No Comment’, and not least because the song forms part of ‘Soft Spot’, their new record and the band’s strongest body of work to date.

Released in May, this self-produced second album represents a giant leap forward for the all-female hip-hop group, eclipsing 2018’s debut ‘Shrimpcocktail’, both in terms of ambition and execution. Now a tight, nine-piece outfit – rather than the nebulous, 20-something-strong collective that first found international notoriety at Iceland Airwaves festival in 2015 – their beats are sicker and bars are slicker, and despite clearly aiming at a larger audience they’re making no discernible concessions in regards to their famously frank subject matter. One moment they’re skewering their more materialistic instincts (‘Fool’s Gold’) or flipping misogynistic hip-hop tropes (the Eminem-bating ‘A Song To Kill Boys To’), and the next they’re exploring female solidarity via a sweet, Spice Girls-inspired bop called ‘DTR’.

We sat down for a lockdown video chat with Salka and band mate Steiney Skuladottir, and talked trolls, empowerment and achieving world domination, one baby at a time.

So it must be a bit of an anti-climax releasing an album during lockdown?

Salka: “(Exhales slowly) Yes. (Laughs) We did have a lot of great reactions and reviews online, so it did feed our egos a little bit, but not as much as it would usually. Which is probably a pretty good thing – sometimes you get a little bit crazy when you’re releasing something. What I think is sad is that we’re not going to have this momentum to tour with this album. But I don’t know, maybe it was better for this album anyway, because it’s a pretty soft album in many ways; an album that was intended to be streamed more than it was necessarily to be performed live. So now we’re going to have to make a huge party album and release it and tour with that.”

How has reducing your numbers to nine impacted the creative process?

Steiney: “This record was very different from the others because Salka said she wanted to produce the album – which we loved. Before, we’ve always had random beats from random producers, but Salka wanted to make an album that takes you on a journey, from the start to the end.”

Salka: “Also, writing was a way more integrated process than in previous projects, where we’ve written in pairs and then we’ve met and hustled the verses together. But this record we wrote mostly in the summer camp when we were all together, bouncing verses back and forth. And as a result I think it became way more fluent and integrated and personal, and that everyone was able to very much channel what they were really good at.

Steiney: “I think we could have a Ted Talk or something about how to work in a group. We’re so good at it.”

Salka: “All of us have to work in other jobs as well. So you have to be pretty dedicated to prioritise something that doesn’t pay your bills. And for the past two years this has been a very, very time consuming project. So some of the [former members] wanted to focus on something else, or had children and didn’t feel like doing both with their other work.”

Speaking of which, I was really impressed to see Sura performing while heavily pregnant in the video for ‘Thirsty Hoes’.

Salka: “Yeah! There’s always one pregnant person. Always. We’re nine and four of us have children. Including the members that are currently working in the band and the members that have been in the band, how many babies have there been born this year? Six?”

Steiney: “Yeah I think so.”

Salka: “There are, like, six new Daughters of Reykjavik in 2020”

Steiney: “We are naturally taking over the world by reproducing.”

You look back on your band history in the video for your latest single, ‘DTR’, right?

Steiney: “Yeah, It’s old videos from our phones from the past five years, when we started touring abroad.”

Salka: “We also decided to include every member that’s ever been in the band. It’s so crazy to see how many members have fluctuated through this little system.

Steiney: Basically, every single girl you will see on the screen has been in the band. I think it’s 23 people.”

The concept for the video fits so well with song, which is basically a love letter to each other. What prompted you to write it?

Steiney: “We’ve often had the question, ‘Who do you look to for inspiration, and who do you want to be like?’ And it kept coming up that we were like, ‘I think, just each other.’ I never feel as powerful as I do onstage with this group of girls. I feel like I can do anything – I can fuck up or I can do something amazing – and they’re always going to love me no matter what and celebrate whatever I do. It’s such a big difference from the rest of this male-dominated world. It’s such a relief.”

Salka: “The dynamic of the group makes you feel so powerful. When we were writing the record at the summer camp a year and a half ago, I think this was one of the last songs we wrote. We were reminiscing and thinking about how we could make something that would be for us, and to confirm the feelings we have for each other and for this group. I don’t think there are a lot of songs in Iceland that are specifically made for or about female friendship, and the confirmation and admiration women have for each other. I was just imagining 13 year old girls drinking for the first time and singing this song at karaoke, crying.”

Steiney: “‘You’re the one who always reminds me of the strength I have inside.’ That’s the chorus. And it’s just so on point of what this group does, I think, for every single one of us.”

And you’ve had to put on a united front because you’ve faced a lot of resistance back home. Do you think that criticism is essentially fuelled by misogyny?

Salka: A lot of it has been pure misogyny. And when you get really used to really, really sexist comments and someone tries to approach you with an opinion that is actually more like constructive criticism, I have caught myself just being too defensive to even be able to listen.

Steiney: Especially because at the beginning it wouldn’t matter what we would put out we would always get these hateful comments from the media here in Iceland. And we got famous very quickly in Iceland. Basically in one night.

Salka: Also, when we started we were amateurs. We were having fun and we were trying something out that we weren’t necessarily comfortable with or confident in. I think women especially get scrutinised for being amateur. It’s almost completely unacceptable. To have this group of this many women that all sucked but were still having all this fun, I think that inspired as many people as it infuriated. But there were a lot of shitty, blatantly sexist comments. It was a really crazy mirror on Icelandic society as well, which is recognised internationally for being progressive.

You’re scheduled to play Iceland Airwaves in November. What can we expect from the show?

Steiney: I think it’s gonna be such a good gig because we’re gonna be so fucking excited and eager. The only thing is I’m scared about is that somebody’s just going to injure themselves because we’re overexcited. That somebody’s gonna run off the stage…

Salka: That’ll be you, Steiney! You’re going to fucking do it (Laughs) But you can expect energy. A lot of it. Too much, some might say. Like, a lot of interactivity with the audience, a lot of chaotic choreography. Somebody once called us shitty Pussycat Dolls. (Laughs)

Steiney: That’s what you’re gonna get. (Laughs) With, I guess, more danger.

Salka: Pussy Riot meets Pussycat Dolls.

#the forty-five #interview #interviews #daughters of reykjavik #new music #music #soft spot #reykjavíkurdætur

[thepropertylovers]

Our Third Wedding Anniversary

Today we’re celebrating three years of marriage! 

Three years ago today, on a chilly Saturday morning, we said “I do” in front of about 10 people (our closest family members, minus our older sisters who live out of state- but we FaceTimed them!) in the living room of the house we were fixing up. At that point we had been together five years, engaged for 11 months, and living together for 10.

(Nov 2010)

Two weeks before, we had gone to the courthouse to file the paperwork. We had actually planned to get married at the courthouse, but the county clerk said there wouldn’t be anyone there to officiate it, and gave us the card of an officiant they usually use. When we called him to schedule our wedding, he was more than willing to help us out. We were on our way!

(Oct 2010)

We had planned on having a big wedding with a lot of guests, food, music, the whole nine yards. But then we weighed the costs of a wedding and a new kitchen, and in the end, the new kitchen won. We wore flannel shirts and the whole thing cost maybe $75 all together. It was quiet, low-key, and intimate,  and we wouldn’t have had it any other way.

It’s crazy to think it’s already been three years. Everyone says that, but it’s true, though. It’s almost scary how quickly time flies by, especially this last year. 2018 has been such a whirlwind for us, and we reminisced about it tonight at dinner. Is it true what they say, how time goes by faster when you’re having fun? Is that why this year feels like it’s gone by in the blink of an eye?

(2015)

Speaking of dinner, tonight’s was our ideal date night. Because the weather was gorgeous and it was only a couple of blocks away, we walked to Cafe Roma and ate pasta, bread, lots of garlic, and a couple glasses of wine. You know how we feel about pasta and music during dinner, and Cafe Roma plays Frank Sinatra as you eat, so needless to say it’s one of our favorite restaurants in town.

We got a pumpkin cheesecake to go, and on the way home, talked about our plans for the future, our favorite houses in town, our plans for the land, and where we see ourselves down the road. We’re grateful for the last three years and hopefully all the ones to come. It’s funny, we got married only about a month after we started The Property Lovers, so in a way, we feel like y’all have been with us since the beginning. You’ve been here when we moved into our last house and when we moved into this one, when we filmed a television pilot for HGTV and when it didn’t get picked up. You’ve been there for us, asking us questions on Instagram, sending us emails, sending us REAL letters in the mail, and leaving us thoughtful, insightful comments. Where would we be without you?

We want to thank each and every one of you for your sweet well wishes on our Instagram post today. We’ve read them all and each one means the world to us. We love you more than you know. Here’s to many more years!

xx

[torivegacore]

chachkixcx’s Top Songs of 2017

(in no particular order)

Boys - Charli XCX

this song just sticks out in my mind as a true bop. so simple, yet so ingenious. charli does this thing where she’ll do a whole weird, off the charts project and then come back with a solid bop to solidify her standings in the music industry. this song is it. plus, the music video really established this song as a must have on this list.

Feels - Calvin Harris

This was the feel good song of 2017 for me. The lyrics are so cute (“when I say I miss you, say it back, parakeet”), sand Katy Perry’s breathy vocals tie everything together in the weirdest way. None of these artists should be able to collaborate with each other, but they did, and it was amazing.

Save As Draft - Katy Perry

Subtweeting aside, this is the best song of Witness. This ballad just gives me all the emotions that a good Katy Perry song should. On par with Thinking of You, Not Like the Movies, Unconditionally, etc, Save As Draft just hits you so hard. I’ve found myself spitting out these lyrics like a mantra since the song came out. “Take a deep breath, and save as draft”.

Let Em Talk - Kesha

Out of all the songs on Rainbow, this one goes the hardest. It starts off so strong, and the chorus is just so cute. You shake that ass, Kesha! Plus, everyone knows that I’m a sucker for a good rock-infused pop song, reminiscent of old Katy Perry or mid-career Fall Out Boy. This song is just that, but 2017’s wondrous version of it.

The Cure - Lady Gaga

No one really expected this song from Gaga, who’s known for her powerhouse vocals. This song is breathy, soft, and beautiful. Yet, I love it. Only Gaga can do Bieber’s trap-pop sound better than Bieber.

Perfect Places - Lorde

“I’m 19 and I’m on fire” is the most relatable lyric of 2017. I can see myself driving down the highway at night crying and blaring this song.

Bad Liar - Selena Gomez

I’m a slut for a simple baseline and visual lyrics. This song is simple, but just hits that sweet spot for me where I want to keep listening to it.

Told You So - Paramore

Paramore keeps coming back into my life. I feel like every part of my life, they know exactly what I want to listen to and make the best they can out of it. I love their upbeat yet depressing style, and the aesthetic to match this album is amazing. Of all the songs, Told You So stands out for it’s deep vocal edits in the verses and it’s middle 8.

Disconnect - Clean Bandit

This song debuted at Coachella in 2015, and Marina and the Diamonds fans (like me) were extremely concerned that it would never come out. And it did. And I’m glad. The lyrics are so strange for 2017. Someone actually talking about how we use technology too much? Contrast this song with Marina’s “I Am Not A Robot”.

Call Me Mother - RuPaul

This song just bops. Plain and simple. RuPaul releases too much music, but I’m glad this song was put out into the world.

That’s So Us - Allie X

I have a soft spot for Allie X. Her visuals, her creativity. The lyrics to this song are so overly simple, and that’s what makes it amazing. I think the nod to 2009 really does it for me, as I mentioned before that I’m a sucker for anything from that era of music (Britney, Katy, Black Eyed Peas… that was my shit in 5th grade). I just love this song. Allie X is the savior of pop music that everybody needs to go and accept NOW.

Underdog - Banks

Banks is so underrated. I love this song. The heavy synths. The barking. Everything.

Living Out Loud - Brooke Candy and Sia

Brooke Candy has been put under the category of novelty artist too many times, for such songs as “Don’t Touch My Hair Hoe” and “Opulence”, but she comes back with these beautiful songs every once in a while. I can’t wait to hear a full LP from her soon.

Hold Me Tight or Don’t - Fall Out Boy

Can we just accept Fall Out Boy as pure pop now? This song sounds like something of Katy Perry’s PRISM, and I love it. I want it to play in the club, and I wanna dance to it. So lets forget that Sugar We’re Going Down ever existed, and lets forget that their drummer doubles in a metal band, and lets let Fall Out Boy be pop, so we can all bop to this song together.

Get Free - Lana Del Rey

This song is so different for Lana Del Rey, and I love it. I wish she’d release more music like this, and Florida Kilos. She sounds good when she’s happy.

anxiety - blackbear

Blackbear is a weird artist, but I love him. This song is so good, and it addresses the real life mental issues of Musto. It just goes off.

Modern Day Cain - IDKHBTFM

I’m very sad that Dallon Weekes left P!ATD, but this song is so good and I hope he creates more stuff like it. The song is just wild. It’s the Talking Heads on crack.

Sweat - All American Rejects

another music video based song. I don’t think anyone really expected all american rejects to ever come back, but they did, and they came back strong. This song is sexy, sultry, and just an overall amazing listen. Plus, seeing their lead singer in drag is quite the highlight of 2017.

Fight Club - Lights

In my opinion, Lights is one of the most underrated artists of her generation. Often categorized with the likes of bands like All Time Low and Pierce the Veil, she’s swept under the mat. Skin & Earth is her 4th studio album, and she still isn’t getting the attention she deserves. Fight Club is just an upbeat, amazing song with poignant lyricism.

The Hamptons - Transviolet

Transviolet always comes up with these crazy lyrical ideas that are so solid. I love this song and everything about it.

#charli xcx #calvin harris #katy perry #kesha #transviolet #lights #all american rejects #idkhbtfm #i don't know how but they found me #blackbear #lana del rey #fall out boy #fob #brooke candy #sia #banks #selena gomez #paramore #clean bandit #marina and the diamonds #music #rupaul #lady gaga

[themomsandthecity]

Sen. John McCain, Maverick Politician and Decorated War Veteran, Dies at 81

Sen. John McCain, the former POW and outspoken Republican politician nicknamed The Maverick for being unafraid to disagree with fellow members of his party, has died. He was 81. “Senator John Sidney McCain III died at 4:28 p.m. on August 25, 2018,” his family said in a statement Saturday, according to NBC News. On Friday, his family announced that McCain, “with his usual strength of will,” decided to stop treatment for the stage-four brain cancer he had been battling since its diagnosis last summer. “In the year since,” the McCain family said, “John has surpassed expectations for his survival. But the progress of disease and the inexorable advance of age render their verdict.” My family is deeply appreciative of all the love and generosity you have shown us during this past year. Thank you for all your continued support and prayers. We could not have made it this far without you – you've given us strength to carry on. pic.twitter.com/KuAQSASoa7 — Meghan McCain (@MeghanMcCain) August 24, 2018 https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js In July 2017, McCain revealed that he had been diagnosed with glioblastoma, the most aggressive form of brain cancer, just days after he underwent surgery to remove a blood clot above his eye. McCain later revealed during a September 2017 interview with 60 Minutes that he asked doctors to be forthright about his health. “Some say 3 percent, some say 14 percent. You know it’s — it’s a very poor prognosis,” he said. “So I just said, ‘I understand. Now we’re going to do what we can, get the best doctors we can find and do the best we can, and at the same time celebrate with gratitude a life well lived.’ ” Months later, as McCain continued his battle against brain cancer, his daughter Meghan paid tribute to her father and his “Viking” fighting spirit in a touching Instagram post in May. “My Mother calls me ‘John McCain in a dress’ – my relationship with my father has always been magic – we are fiercely and protectively forever on each other’s team,” Meghan captioned a smiling photo with her father. “Love with your complete and whole heart in this life. We keep fighting because we are all McCains, we are a family of a long lineage of Vikings – fighting is what we have always done, and what we will always do.” Born in August 1936 at the U.S. air base in Panama, McCain was the son and grandson of two four-star U.S. Navy admirals. He ultimately followed in their footsteps, enrolling at the U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis, Maryland, in 1954. As a naval pilot, he was deployed on the USS Forrestal to the Gulf of Tonkin in Vietnam, where he was ultimately taken as a prisoner of war in October 1967. McCain was captured by the North Vietnamese after his plane was shot down by a missile. According to McCain, the plane entered an “inverted, almost straight-down spin,” and he ejected, breaking both his arms and his leg in the process. While held captive at Hanoi’s Hoa Lo prison, McCain was denied medical attention and repeatedly tortured by his captors. “They left me on the floor of a cell for four days, during which time I lapsed in and out of consciousness,” McCain told PEOPLE back in 1992. “Their policy was that they wouldn’t provide any medical treatment unless you gave them military information. I would only give them my name, rank, serial number and date of birth. And so, after about four days on the floor of the cell, they got nothing out of me because I kept passing out.” McCain refused to cooperate, and remained at the prison for more than five years – spending much of that time in solitary confinement. He recalled to PEOPLE, “they treated me pretty badly,” revealing further that he was suffering from dysentery and was being beaten every two hours in order to get him to sign confessions and make audio recordings trashing America. He was released in March of 1973, but still bore some of the injuries from his harrowing ordeal. “Unlike some, I was fortunate that I was able to put it all behind me when I came home,” he said. “People ask me how long did it take to readjust? It took me about 45 minutes. I never had a nightmare or a flashback or anything like that. I know a lot of my friends were not so fortunate, who never fully came back from that experience. But I did.” After returning home, McCain regained his naval flight status and was named the naval liaison to the U.S. Senate in 1977 before ultimately retiring from duty in 1981. During his service, McCain was awarded the Purple Heart and the Distinguished Flying Cross, among other honors, according to his website. McCain was first elected to the U.S. House of Representatives in Arizona in 1982, serving two terms before being elected as state senator in 1986. After more than a decade in the Senate, McCain ran for the Republican presidential nomination in 2000 but lost to primary opponent George W. Bush. McCain went on to become the 2008 Republican nominee for president alongside running mate Sarah Palin; he lost to Barack Obama. While McCain continued to defend Palin’s performance in a new book and documentary set to be released in May, he also said he regretted not picking former Senator Joseph I. Lieberman as his running mate in 2008, according to The New York Times. McCain said “my gut told me” to choose Lieberman instead of Palin and “I wish I had.” Leading up to his death, McCain served as the chairman of the Senate Committee on Armed Services, a member of the Senate Committee on Indian Affairs and a member of the Senate Committee on Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs. In July, McCain underwent surgery to remove a blood clot above his eye. The surgery went well but had massive reverberations in Washington, forcing GOP Senators to postpone a vote on the controversial Republican bill to replace Obamacare until McCain could return. The senator revealed his diagnosis in July, and one day after doing so he returned to Twitter and promised he’d be back on the Senate floor. “I greatly appreciate the outpouring of support — unfortunately for my sparring partners in Congress, I’ll be back soon, so stand-by!” He said. Just five days later, he kept his promise and returned to thunders applause from people in both parties. While he was welcomed back, he proved to still by The Maverick when he refused to support the Graham-Cassidy bill to repeal the Affordable Care Act in September, which drew sharp criticism from President Donald Trump as others hailed him a hero. After the vote, McCain went back to receiving chemotherapy treatments in Phoenix, Arizona, to slow the progression of the disease. He completed his first round of radiation in August 2017. In December, McCain was hospitalized for “normal side effects of his ongoing cancer therapy,” his office said. But to the excitement of his family, he was able to come home to Arizona for Christmas. In February, Meghan said that her father had a “crazy amazing recovery.” “He is in Sedona, Arizona, right now at our ranch doing physical therapy and he has amazing doctors and he’s doing really well,” she said on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. “He had a sort of rough time at Christmas and he’s made this crazy amazing recovery which I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at, he is so resilient in so many different ways. He’s a tough bastard.” He continued physical therapy at home in Arizona for the next few months, until he had to return to the Mayo Clinic in April for an emergency surgery. “On Sunday, Senator McCain was admitted to Mayo Clinic in Phoenix, Arizona, and underwent surgery to treat an intestinal infection related to diverticulitis,” his office said. Meghan added that he was in “stable” condition. Later that month, McCain shared an excerpt from his new book, in which he admitted that his brain cancer diagnosis gave him an “ungentle persuasion” to realize that his current term in office would be his last, and pushed him to change the way he votes. “I’m freer than colleagues who will face the voters again. I can speak my mind without fearing the consequences much. And I can vote my conscience without worry,” McCain said. “I don’t think I’m free to disregard my constituents’ wishes, far from it. I don’t feel excused from keeping pledges I made. Nor do I wish to harm my party’s prospects. But I do feel a pressing responsibility to give Americans my best judgment.” Before his death, McCain enjoyed spending time on the deck at his Arizona ranch, visiting with a constant flow of friends, including former Vice President Joe Biden, The New York Times reported in May. Biden said the two reminisced about the “crazy senators” they had served with, the overseas trips they took together, and the friendship between McCain and Biden’s two sons. Biden’s son Beau died of glioblastoma, the same rare brain cancer McCain had, in May 2015. Thank you for showing me how to be a Viking warrior – even when some thought it more appropriate for boys. A post shared by Meghan McCain (@meghanmccain) on Apr 22, 2018 at 8:16pm PDT //www.instagram.com/embed.js Biden also said that, even as McCain battled brain cancer and the debilitating side effects of his treatment, the senator was still worried about the state of the nation under President Trump’s administration. “Here John knows he’s in a very, very, very precarious situation, and yet he’s still concerned about the state of the country,” Biden said in an interview with the Times. “We talked about how our international reputation is being damaged and we talked about the need for people to stand up and speak out.” Throw back to a fun holiday in Hidden Valley. A post shared by Cindy McCain (@cindymccain) on May 6, 2018 at 3:02pm PDT //www.instagram.com/embed.js According to the same Times report, people close to McCain allegedly told the White House “that their current plan” was to invite Vice President Mike Pence to the funeral service, but not Trump, citing the pair’s “rocky relationship.” During the visits, friends told McCain they loved him and how much he’d meant to them but didn’t explicitly say goodbye. The senator “doesn’t like overt sentimentality,” his friend, the former chief of staff Grant Woods, said. Nevertheless, the visits often ended with McCain saying, “I love you,” the Times reported. McCain also enjoyed quiet moments sitting out on his deck with his wife, listening to the hummingbirds and the burbling stream that runs through their 15-acre ranch. Good morning coffee from Arizona! Thank you all so much for the wonderful video messages! A post shared by Meghan McCain (@meghanmccain) on Feb 18, 2018 at 9:35am PST //www.instagram.com/embed.js “He finds real solace there,” Biden said. McCain is survived by wife Cindy McCain, and his children: Douglas, 57, Andrew, 55, and Sidney, 50 (all with first wife Carol McCain) and Meghan McCain, 32, Jack, 31, James, 29, and Bridget, 25, with Cindy. Just days before Thanksgiving, McCain gave away daughter Meghan, a co-host on The View, at her wedding to conservative pundit Ben Domenech at the family’s ranch in Sedona, Arizona. Opening up to PEOPLE about the wedding and his legacy, McCain said in late November, “I have been so fortunate to have the life that I have had, full of time and adventure and excitement. “I’ve been a small bit of American history, so I think if there’s something on my tombstone, it’ll be ‘He served his country,’ and hopefully you add one word, ‘honorably,’ ” he also said. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I’ve lost races. I’ve caved in to what seems to be the easy way out and wasn’t. There’s nothing to be sorry for. I have nothing but gratitude for a life fully lived, and you can’t ask for anything more than that. And you can’t deny that I am the luckiest person that you will ever talk to.” This is a developing story, it will be updated as more information becomes available. http://bit.ly/2P0BSLq

#Breaking News #Politics #Death #John McCain #News

[depressedrandosrambles]

Passage two

[The following passage includes events that happened in my life, you have been warned. If you are not comfortable with talk of rape and abuse, then it’s best to click off.] I shook, the yelling wouldn't stop. I put my hands on my head and clutched them. I just wanted it to stop. I hate yelling, it makes me want to cry.My thoughts plagued me as the yelling continued. Mistake, pathetic, weak. Mistake, pathetic, weak, worthless. Just go. Just die. Just go away. It'll all be over soon.She hit me again, I thought I trusted my own mother. It was a simple strike across the head, but it hurt. She's hit me before, and she apologizes at times. It's because of her "anger". It has happened since I was a child, I never really acted out because I knew her condition impaired her ability to walk. But, nevertheless, she would hit me. And I would make a mistake. When she didn't hit me, it retorted to yelling. I'm afraid of yelling now. I'm afraid of being yelled at. I can't stand it.Years would pass, and I would develop a plague in the back of my mind. Two plagues, one worse than the other. But both horrible. I think they call it PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression. Whoops, did I say two? I ment three. It doesn't help also that I have disabilities. That just makes it worse I have something else to talk about, that was just one.I met a boy in 2011, through a platform called Roblox, I still play it to this day and I'm slowly growing out of it thankfully. But that's the problem. I didn't know him. I grew to trust him. We talked on Facebook before he went silent for a year. I worried for him with my 12 year old mind. Until I got a message, an apology from his "character" talking to himself about how he missed me.I was overjoyed! My long-distant friend finally got back to me! We talked more through-out the years, getting closer. We said we loved each other... What a fool I was. That wasn't love, that was manipulation. He manipulated me to send inappropriate photos of myself at the age of 13-14. (I am 20 years old at the time of writing this.) He was 16 at the time. I fell victim to another predator after being preyed on before. I thought this was normal, normal relationship shit. But no, it wasn't. I never caught onto it either, nobody knew.I should have told someone. In 2015 though, he told me he was diagnosed with colon cancer. The worst stage. He decided if he was going to die, he would meet me before he did. On April 4th, 2016. He surprised me at the park. I knew it was happening, we had a fight and he told me. I forgave him in the fight, what a dumb-ass I am. But that didn't matter, I was overjoyed at the time. I ran out of the school after telling another friend of mine, James B. (who shares the same name with my ex.) He ran after me carrying my things, overjoyed. Goof ass me tripped and rolled, I bent my glasses after getting up and slamming into him in a hug. Sounds happy, right?Wrong. That week.. I was happy. Until the final day came. I suggest if you are easily triggered, please do not continue further. I'm warning you.On the final day, we went into the sun-room to reminisce on the week, we were happy.. until he put his hands in my pants. I tried to push him away, but he didn't let me. He forced himself on me, and I thought it was normal, I forced myself to like it. My pants were pulled off, I wanted it to end on the inside. But it didn’t. He did, things. With his mouth, thankfully not his groin. But it was still... horrible. He let me touch his, and he liked it. I didn't like what he did to me. I'm a coward, I really am. I let him do that to me, I let him hurt me. I'm a dumb-ass, not a coward. Hell, I probably deserved to have that happen to me. I should have known better after all.It still affects me to this day, a lot of my friends are supportive. Even my boyfriend. James, the attacker, plagues my mind to this day and I can't get him out of my mind. It drives me mad, crazy even. I hate it. I hate it so much. I've had nightmares of him coming for me, because I contacted him this year too, begging for forgiveness after breaking up with him and not contacting for 5 months. It hurts. I want the thoughts to stop and end. I can't live like this anymore. I’m afraid of sex now. Seth, if you're reading this, I'm sorry that I still let this affect me. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you the day it happened, you were still my friend then. I know you can fight people, maybe then I would've realized how bad it really was.

#tw abuse #tw anxiety #tw depressing thoughts #tw depression #I hesitated on posting this one honestly #mainly because it actually affected me in the writing process #but I had to get it out anyways #It's been on my mind. #Abuse sucks #get therapy and take care of yourself #tw rape mention #tw rape

[hellopro-go]

[Album Review]: ⑮ Thank you, too - Morning Musume’17

So the heavily anticipated Momusu album was officially released yesterday-ish! I hopped on my computer immediately after classes to snatch it and get a taste of more modern post Tsunku-makes-everything Morning Daughter fakeness realness. Click through the read more to get more juicy details.

Tracklist-

1. Jealousy Jealousy (Album Ver.) 2. Romance ni Mezameru Mousou Joshi no Uta 3. CHO DAI 4. Watashi no Nanni mo Wakacchanai 5. Jama Shinai de Here We Go!  6. Style of my love 7. Narcissus Kamatte-chan Kyousoukyoku Dai 5ban 8. Seishun Say A-HA 9. Wakaindashi 10. Mou Gaman Dekinai wa ~Love ice cream~ 11. Dokyuu no Go Sign 12. Koi wa Toki ni 13. Joshi Kashimashi Monogatari (Morning Musume '17 Ver.) 14. BRAND NEW MORNING 15. Ai no Tane (20th Anniversary Ver.)

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1. Jealousy Jealousy (Album Ver.) Coming right back in our faces with the tune that captured our hearts is Envy Envy, but SPARKLIER! Jealously is a tune with the funk-ish tune that would usually be gifted to a group such as Ju=Ju, but Tsunku-papa decided that it was time for a switcharoo. The vocals this time are much more clear, is the first thing I noticed of the Album Version, which is odd because usually albums from Up-Front are very over-mixed and muffled. This lets us know that there was a lot of effort put into the cleaning of this wonderful piece with a break down of an early-underground j-rap vibe. One thing that will always fascinate me about this sound is how the string instruments used here brings such a feeling of elegance, that it makes me feel like I’m rich while listening to it. Surely Tsunku understands and executes luxury in his spot on composition this time around. 

2. Romance ni Mezameru Mousou Joshi no Uta My first impression was a  woah! from the beginning instrumentals. Immediately I was thrown back into the early 2013-2014 EDM songs that Tsunku used to produce for Momusu such as [What is LOVE?], and I fell in love until.... They started to sing. One thing I’m not crazy about is when management pitches this intense, powerful instrumental and then they break it into this... childish, “I’m a kindergartener playing at the park” kind of melody. It’s done so much that it’s almost expected, but they got me this time, I’d say. Around the 3-minute mark, the melody gets very enjoyable for me, with more opera in the BG and a ballad reminiscent of The Vision. The fact that Morning Musume isn’t afraid of using soft high notes nowadays is great too.

3. CHO DAI Bitch I love fart-sounding electronic noises in my songs and it sounds like sarcasm but it’s high key not. One pattern that I’m starting to notice and it’s starting to irk me is the constant use of “one word” LONG REST  “one word”. It was very refreshing with [Seishun Kozou wa Naiteiru], but after being repeated about a hundred times, it’s just boring and needs to go. This song is a good example of what me and my friends call “Scrapped Melodies” because at some parts it just sounds like Narcissus but slightly different. If you want a clearer example of a scrapped melody, think of Brainstorming(@0:37) and Wakuteka(@1:00) with that one farking melody that’s like... the same melody.

4. Watashi no Nanni mo Wakacchanai This is the song I’d been anticipating the most on this album. After watching the recent Budokan footage of the song and my friend drilling me about how “Maachan fucked Sakura’s shit up here like do you not see that??!!”, The song grew on me to the point where I’d listen to the concert performance like it was an official track. It was also a great decision to keep this song behind bars until 2017 because in 2015 Riho sang some lines that were just... not her  strong point... honestly (@1:17 & 3:45). But other than the lack of charisma that lives bring to this song, this is a good put!

5. Jama Shinai de Here We Go!  Here We Go... again with the “one word” LONG REST  “one word”. Even though this song is a bop. There’s something about the subtle nature of this song that drew me in, despite it being a tad bit on the plainer side of a Momusu song. Though I’m still a bit thrown off by Chiichan, she knows how to blend well to the point of merging with the background. The dance, might I add, is just basically Angerme’s Ai Sae but slightly different, pffft.

6. Style of my love Very stylish! Brings me back to something akin to [Senobi] in a way. With a melody of an early action anime opening (I’d say Inuyasha, or a classic fantasy-shoujo anime,) This song knows how to advertise itself. With Haruna having a few solos in this, it really shines and radiates a glow to the instrumentals. The dance break was a bit underwhelming, but do I hear Maria??? Wow, she’s really growing into her voice. I have very few qualms about this song, and I’m generally pleased.

7. Narcissus Kamatte-chan Kyousoukyoku Dai 5ban Shamefully, I found myself whispering “Motto, Mitsumete...” multiple times through the day. And finally we don’t have those classic Momusu heavy harmonies on like 99% of the darn song, and they lowered it to a 97%, but I’m tapping my foot, waiting y’all. This song is nearly as stylish as Style of my Love, but theres some feeling of living luxurious, yet lonely and discontent. I’m digging the story in it, even though I know the lyrics must be some irrelevant diarrhea.

8. Seishun Say A-HA Gonna get this out here first: I didn’t like the song when I first heard it a few times. Then it grew on me a bit and I can generally say I have a love-hate with it LOL. LIKE IM SORRY, BUT this song sounds like a pirate song. Like everyone in momusu is a stank ass pirate with scurvy and they’re having a sailing montage to find treasure. But it’s... it’s catchy for some reason. ugh. why @ Tsunku

9. Wakaindashi Damn do I love Duu and this song in general, but the soft EDM is bothering me for some reason?? We are back with the “I’m a kindergartener playing at the park” melody and I’m still unnerved by “You can get fatter or skinnier” line like... why.... But this song is CUTE for Duu and therefore I support it. I also like the choreo in many ways. Duu controlling the wave is so cute. The dance break was pure.

10. Mou Gaman Dekinai wa ~Love ice cream~ Me while reading that Haga’s gettin a lot of lines cause its a quartet: AYYYYY Me listening to the song finally: wtf this is Like ok I like the fact that it’s more rock orientated but it’s like... a lil boring. Especially the whole “Mougamandekinaiwa” all fast and shit.. It didn’t fit. I feel like this is a early rock vocaloid song. But I enjoy the fact that Tsunku is experiementing with different genres. He really loves his job. #come back papa

11. Dokyuu no Go Sign I love this song wtf... It’s like a near perfect combo of rock and EDM. Maybe if momusu would stop with the heavy ass harmonies it’d show a little more of it’s capability. The style of the song makes momusu seem more united despite the crazy battle for center currently going on. And Miki getting more lines is chill af (They’re realizing Mizuki is gettin old lol). The blend of musical elements along with the message of the song makes more a good pick-me-up, hype yourself up tune! PLUS THE LAYERING OF HARMONIES INTO THE HOLIEST DANCE BREAK TUNE IS MY ACTUAL SHIT. The bridge after that is so celebratory and invokes a feeling of greatfulness, I love it.

12. Koi wa Toki ni It goes from a video game level to where you gotta sneak around characters to the classic “I’m a kindergartener playing at the park” melody... again. I’m really trying to get into this song but it’s very hard. It’s very plain and barely has any shine to it. One good thing I can say is that during the instrumental break, I’m reminded of early Kikuo songs and uh... I’m a whore for Kikuo so I fell for the break like a klutz. The use of unusual sounds here gives it a spacey vibe.

13. Joshi Kashimashi Monogatari (Morning Musume '17 Ver.) NGL Joshikashi gets more and more cringey each time (especially Nonaka Miki’s verse), so this is a song on the album I’ll rarely indulge in. I love the fact that Maria incorporates her love for baseball to her verse even though she’s not my oshi. I value her a lot LMAO. But other than that, it’s a good song to familiarize yourself with the girls’ voices.

14. BRAND NEW MORNING god I hate this song, So Jean Luc Ponpon is deemed worthy enough after Mukidashi was released and gained popularity, and they bring him back for another round of Tsunku vs. Ponpon and this time, in my opinion, he flops. Brand new morning just isn’t my cup of tea no matter how many times I listen to it, and usually I can make my brain like an H!P song if I listen to it a bunch of times. Something about this song is very lacking and monotone, and doesn’t really get the feeling of a new Era across to me. If anything, this is the Jealousy Era to me (because everyone in Momusu is salty rn).

15. Ai no Tane (20th Anniversary ver.) I still really like this song, even with the updated singers. It’s much more fine tuned than back in the day, which really shows how music production has changed over just a span of 20 years! Amazing how fast the world progresses, isn’t it? All I can say as a closing note for this updated piece is that I’m glad Tsunku didn’t turn it into some crazy ass dubstep wub-wub version of the original. Thank you Tsunku papa.

OVERALL: I’d rate this album a 7.2/10. I feel like there could have been much more style variation in the music, track by track, especially because Momusu is so “highly esteemed”. These girls need to tackle other genres with how far they’ve come, especially since the older eras would bounce between stuff like [Memory~ Seishun no Hikari] all the way to [Onna ni Sachi Are] back in the day. 

I’m also hoping that next time around, it isn’t Mizuki, Oda & the Backup Dancers. That’s one thing that bothers me the most out of his album.

Till next time!

#morning musume #morning musume 17 #thank you too #album review #tsunku #gossip #review

[boyfriendjunny]

A Second Chance

"I could barely breathe, I want him, I need him," you whispered in a weak tone. "Excuse, but you made it clear to me you won't chase after him anytime now. Don't tell me..." your elder sister said in a rage voice. "He was right. I haven't really let him make up to me, I was so devastated." You cut her off, and there was silence. It's been almost a year when you broke up with Taehyung. He was the best boyfriend, who could surely keep up with you in your most unpleasant days. It was 2013 when he started dating you, looking very innocent. He was your first kiss, he was everything you wanted. Think about it again: He WAS. He loved you just like any other girl would want her boyfriend to love her, he's a sweetheart. From what had happened way back then he did everything he could just to get you. It was no doubt he really was in love with you, reminiscing the loveliest moments you've spent with him. Every chance he had to be with you felt like he didn't want it to end at all. March of 2015 has become a remarkable date for the both of you. For 2 years of being lovers, happy moments were more dominant than the dull ones. Taehyung made sure you're happy with him by your side. Everything was perfect, until one phone call ended your supposedly happily ever after with him. [Flashback: March 2015] Your phone rang, hoping it was Taehyung about to call it a day and tell you how much he cares just like every night he does. But an unregistered number cut off your excitement to answer it. No choice, maybe it was just an emergency, so you answered. "Hello?" "(Y/N), I know you're with my son, but you're not right for him. He deserves someone better. He will be happy with somebody else. I want you to leave him. I hope you understand. Bye." Those were the last words that had struck you before it hung up. The conversation just had two dialogues, leaving you teary-eyed, and weak on the inside. What did you just hear? A mom asking you to leave his son just because you're not right for him? For what reason? What the hell is happening? You were clueless and the rest of the night just went worse because pessimistic thoughts were running in your head. Did he even know that his mom called you? The morning after, Taehyung called you thrice. You answered during the third time he was calling which was very unusual because you're always overjoyed when he calls you. "Good morning beautiful, how was your sleep?" He asked you in a very pleasing voice, making you melt and seemed he had no clue what happened. "It.. It was great, thanks. How was yours?" "Same, let's go out! I'll pick you up at 11, okay?" You let out a big sigh before answering, "Okay." "I love you," he said, but you hung up and get ready. Still you weren't fine after that call from his mom. You had two choices to choose from: To disregard what his mom had told you and continue your love story, or break up with him to satisfy his mom's order. It was 10:45 and in 15 minutes surely he would be already knocking on your door. "(Y/N), breathe. Just go with the flow," talking to yourself. "(Y/N)! V's here!" Your elder sister called you from downstairs, making you even more anxious. "Coming!" You said. You went down and saw Taehyung looking really attractive. "Hey, let's go?" He asked. "Yes, let's go." "You look tired. Are you sure you want to go out now? We could do this on another day," he seemed really worried and compromising. "No I'm totally fine V, let's go?" You debated. You two went to the park where you've always spent together with for the past few weeks. In the car there was utter and awkward silence. Tae sensed something was bothering you, so he asked, "What's the matter honey?" You didn't answer until he stopped the car as soon as he parked and you stepped out and sat on a bench. "Ah.." You gasped before saying another word. "Tris?" He looked puzzled. "Thank God you finally talked! Yes honey?" "Remember the time when we made our own bucket list? And in the list are some of the most impossible things we could do?" I asked. "Of course! Who would even forget that?" He laughed. "Well, I apologize in advance if I won't be able to do those with you in the future." His laugh has faded and frowned. "What are you saying? I'm confused." Looking extremely nervous, you straightforwardly told him the truth. "I got a phone call from your mom last night. She told me to stay away from you because you deserve someone better and I'm not right for you," your eyes were filled with tears and continued, "she told me you'll be happy with somebody else. I'm so sorry for my shortcomings, I'm sorry I'm not as perfect as your mom wants me to be. I feel so belittled," still crying. Taehyung's face turned into a rage one. He cupped his hand on your cheeks and said, "Hey, listen to me, alright. Don't apologize for anything. I love you and that won't change as long as you know I'm right for you. I don't think I won't be happy as much as when I am with you with any other person in the world. This sounds cliche but look, I'm sorry for what my mom said. I didn't know she could do such thing," he kissed your forehead. "I wouldn't trade you for anything, not even with any precious gem you could think of." "I love you very much, V. But if this means the end, then so be it." "Let me make up to you. I cannot afford to lose you, not now, not tomorrow, not forever." You wiped your tears. "No, V. Don't even bother. I'm sorry if I walked into your life. I'm a mess don't you think? I'm not perfect. Not even halfway." "But I'm not that kind of man who wants a perfect woman, I want and need someone who makes this chaotic world seem peaceful. And that's you. So please, (Y/N), stay?" He held your hand just as you were attempting to leave. You felt your eyes even more sore. "I'd love to stay, but I want you to be happier than you are with me." You left, and Taehyung was all alone. You didn't talk after that. [End of flashback] You cried for months and finally that moving on phase started to kick in. Oh wait. You thought you already moved on. Now you're asking for a second chance. How on earth would you find your past lover out of all the many people and cities he might have been to? Knowing he's in a band now? You've never seen each other since you broke up. You've lived your own life and he's lived his. You feel guilty and you want him back. He's the best you've ever had. Your sister invited you to have some coffee time with her and without hesitation, you agreed. Upon reaching a nearby coffee shop, you spotted a vacant table for two just right for the both of you. A familiar face has caught your attention, walking towards your direction. Taehyung. The one you loved so much. Why was he there? Assuming he saw you and walked towards your direction. Wait a minute. He went to a girl and kissed him on the cheek. Your heart shattered into pieces in an instant. Your sister wasn't able to speak as well, but seconds later she broke the silence, "V!" V looked at her right away and his eyes sparkled when he saw you. He left the girl for a while and approached us, specifically you. "Hi, (Y/N)! L.. Long time no see! How's it going?" "I'm totally fine. It's nice seeing you again," you answered, still starstruck. He still looks attractive and hot as heck. "We need to go, bye!" He said. Before he left, you made sure your voice was loud enough for everyone to hear it. "Kim Taehyung, I'm so sorry for leaving you. I am still in love with you the way I did the first day we met. I hope you accept my apology, this is the last time I would be facing a lot of people saying I am in love with you. I'm sorry, I hope you're happy with your life now." Taehyung dilated his eyes, groomed his hair, and flashed his most genuine smile. You heard the girl who was with him say, "Is she your ex? Come on Tae, you've been trying to look for her in ages!" Then he went near you. "You know what? I should be mad at you. For making me so crazy, for leaving me. But I can't. I guess fate has brought us together again, to finish unfinished businesses. (Y/N), please come back to me. I will make you happier than before. I wouldn't let anyone come between us ever again. Not even my family. Now please?" His face was overjoyed. "But you said 'finish unfinished businesses'," you look puzzled. "Yes, to end this agony. I can't be living like this for long. I am deeply in love with you. Please?" "What if your mo–" He cut you off. "Shh. No. Now please?" "Okay then, love."

#mypost #kim taehyung #taehyung #imagine #bts #one shot

[hiikisekki-blog]

Smeb x Faker

Sanghyeok was more or less the one who initiated their meeting.

When he walked into that quaint little café in Seoul - bundled up in his puffy black jacket during the off-season, when people were supposed to be at home away from League and spending time with their family, or girlfriends for that matter - Kyungho was too surprised.

He watched Sanghyeok glance around the café, frowning slightly, before his gazes directed right at Kyungho, boring into his eyes. Too late, he was already striding forward towards his table.

Sanghyeok stepped onto the elevated wooden platform of the booth, before hesitating, his eyes suddenly cast to the side like he shouldn’t be there.

“Sorry, Kyungho, can I sit here?”

A few options ran through Kyungho’s mind. He could reject him, coming up with some lame excuse like there was no space for the two of them in that little booth, or that he wanted his privacy. but this was Sanghyeok. They knew each other, and there were no other seats in the café. Kyungho suddenly realised that Sanghyeok’s brown eyes were once again focused on him, waiting for his reaction. Kyungho cleared his throat awkwardly.

“umm... of course. “ Kyungho shifted the laptop he brought with him to give Sanghyeok some of his own space, taking the bag he had put on the table and throwing it down haphazardly on the floor.

Sanghyeok slid opposite of Kyungho, taking off his jacket and throwing it around the chair, letting it hang off the back, before standing up, blending himself into the queue for coffee.

Kyungho glanced back at his queue, clicking through the different windows until he land on KaKao Talk, clicking for that one person he knew would be living online 24/7.

Smeb: “does sanghyeok not go back during hols?”

Peanut: “yeah. Says family r not nice ot be with and company of computers are better.”

peanut: “btw why do you ask?”

Smeb: “Nah, its nothing.”

Peanut: “tell me u saw him.”

Smeb: “I did not see him.”

Peanut: “seems like someone's in a mood.”

Kyungho groaned slightly, flicking back to his queue screen in hops of finding a game. Obviously to no avail.

Smeb: “I am not in a mood.”

peanut: “Apparently.”

There was a pause in their conversation, Kyungho unsure what he should say next. he should really ask Wangho what to do when Sanghyeok suddenly walks up to your table and is now sitting with you.

Peanut: “well, if you do see him, talk to him about League.”

Kyungho pondered over that suggestion. Talk to Sanghyeok about League? But, technically, by their teams and their standing, they were depicted arch enemies by OGN, both fighting for the top spot in the League ladder. Talking to Faker about the one thing they both loved most couldn’t be that bad right?

Smeb: “okay, thanks.”

Peanut: “np, good luck on yr date.”

Smeb: “it’s not a date.”

Peanut: “yeah right it isn’t.”

Kyungho groaned, closing his KaKao Talk. His queue was everlasting, his last game about 20 minutes ago. On hindsight, he had absolutely forgotten to ask Wangho what about League he should ask about. Obviously not pro league. Then what else was there?

-------------------------------------------------

Sanghyeok stared at him, incredulity in his dark eyes, quickly wiped away before being replaced by an almost childlike curiosity.

He had come back with his own mug of hot latte, and one of the cafe’s famous waffles in the other. The hand that he was using to stir the coffee had stopped, and was now idly holding the plasting white stirrer, and Kyungho desperately hoped that his queue would find a game or something like a natural disaster could occur now so that he could just run out of this awkward situation. (although he realises that it would just be rather rude to wish for death to just come upon the other innocent people in the cafe.)

Then, quickly, Sanghyeok turned his gaze away from Kyungho’s, and the hand was stirring again.

“How do I think about the current meta? Well,” Sanghyeok paused, his voice already hollowing out to that famous monotone of his, “I think that Ashe following into the meta from last year was a nice surprise and especially with Camille now, there are more power picks than ever.”

“Don’t talk to me like that.” The words were out of Kyungho’s mouth before he could stop them. “I play pro league too, and I dare say that my team is one of the best in the world. So stop treating this like an interview and actually try to have a decent conversation with me.”

Okay, this is where he probably just crashed through some unseen line that he and Sanghyeok had drawn, and Kyungho ducked down the screen of his computer, trying to muster up some apology for being exceedingly rude to someone older than him, when Sanghyeok seemed to take pity of his flustered form in the form of answering with a little bit more life in his tone.

“Well, I’m not sure what to say about the current meta that you won’t know.”

Right. Kyung forgot that they were both absolute conversation killers when it came to socialising. They would usually leave it to their more, active, friendly and outgoing teammates to do it for them.

“I wish that Fiora was played more often. She’s a good carry, but I don’t think that she’ll be any match against Camille.”

“Camille has already been severely NERFed since the 7.1 patch came out, especially since there were a ton of NERFs in that patch with so few updates to other things.”

“But even with the NERFs I think Camille is still a huge threat with LeBlanc and Rengar. Even if they’re both assassins and LeBlanc has been on a losing streak.”

“Are you implying that I should play LeBlanc when the season starts again?”

“Yeah.” Kyungho hesitated a little, knowing how Faker had been so cautious on LeBlanc ever since MSI 2015 and it was a touchy subject for them both. But he had Sanghyeok’s attention, even if they both didn’t maintain eye contact. “Wangho is on a Lee Sin winning streak right now, and he’s the one who broke the curse on Lee Sin during the LCK Spring Split. And he’s still undefeated on the Lee Sin. Maybe you could do the same with LeBlanc. Make her absolute.”

“Perhaps.” Sanghyeok said vaguely, even if Kyungho could see the glimmer of eagerness in his eyes. “But the team has 4 potential hyper carries, and lately I’ve been plying a more utility and support role in mid to help either Wangho or Junsik be the carry.” Sanghyeok let out a frustrated sigh through his nose. “it’s not that I don’t like others hard carrying the game instead of me, it’s just that when Wangho picks Lee Sin he just goes crazy on it.”

Just look at MSI, came unspoken. They both knew what happened. Although not as disasterous as the start of 2016 MSI, it was a bit too over the top, playing with their opponents, have them run around in circles when SKT had a chokehold on them the whole time. When they picked a team composition that worked especially well at dismantling rookie or unexperienced teams, they just absolutely destroyed them. Wangho got 14 kills before the 20 minute mark.

“it kinda feels the same here. Just that I end up being one of the hyper carries.”

“Nah. Well, I may be wrong but,” Sanghyeok paused, but when he spoke, there was no doubt in his voice. “I think you play a rather similar role to my own in most games. We both can be hyper carries on the champions that we pick but it’s usually the planned carry that gets all the kills, the CS, the gold. And then I just run in  to back them up with Orianna or Lulu.”

“But I don’t think you particularly like to be in the shadows.”

“I think you would. Especially if you guys won that game. That thing that you did against Samsung in Spring Split Semis? That was it.” Sanghyeok took another gulp from his rapidly cooling coffee.Kyungho took the opportunity to scroll through his windows and check his queue again. What Sanghyeok said had been partially right. After all, he knew that he was a better team player than Sanghyeok from the start, which had placed him in the top position for the best players of Worlds 2016 by the casters, garnering him more fans but also the stiff, scripted drama between Sanghyeok and himself, causing a rather unintentional divide between them. But the casters underestimated how strong the rest of SKT actually was.

“But are you not happy that you don’t get to be the carry? I mean, you’re someone who got scouted just from your ranked solo queue stats. you were meant to be the carry. Especially with your Katarina plays at the beginning of the Spring Split.”

“Sadly, it’s supposed to have all been left behind the moment SKT T1 K disbanded.” Sanghyeok eyed his mug before taking another gulp, giving Kyungho a clear view of his throat as he swallowed. “K was meant to be built around me, but we were all from solo queue. We all had talent. And Coach did a good job of blending us all together.”

Perhaps this was just Sanghyeok’s own way in saying that he did miss being the carry. And Kyungho knew how that felt. He’d made it all the way to the semifinals in LCK Spring Split, only to fall to SKT in the finals. Much reminiscent of World 2015. And of Worlds 2016, but they had made their last stand during Semifinals against SKT, and they could have beat them. Hell, they could have beaten Samsung after they supposedly beat SKT. But that was all ‘could have’s and ‘what if’s. There was only now, where that SKT mountain, that SKT house that Faker, Kkoma, and all of the other SKT members had painstakingly built up and maintained with their blood, sweat and tears. (perhaps not so much tears, but the words served it own effect.)

He watched Sanghyeok gather up his coat, saying a brief goodbye before turning for the door. He shouldn’t think that they would meet again.

---------------------------------------

A/N: okay, so this is the first part in this 5+1 LoL thing between Smeb and Faker that i’m going on. I got the inspiration after reading a good fic on AO3 (its called “when we give enough of ourselves away we lose sight of who we are and sometimes we call that love and sometimes we call that self-destruction”. it’s centered around Deft but it has a really cute Smeb and Faker scene inside, which just made me want to read the whole fic again. Props to birdring (twoif)) i’m going to write another part, but that is going to be a maybe because my exams are coming up. So like and reblog and message if you want me to continue!

(and this style of writing for Faker and Smeb may be a little to OC for you but sadly, I've never met Faker or Smeb before, and I've never been to Korea so that’s already an issue. I hope that you can use all of your wonderful imagination and pls pretend for the sake of the story. Plus, i’m open to constructive criticism if you have any. Thanks!)

#league of legends #faker #smeb #faker and smeb #5+1 #LoL #peanut #Sanghyeok #Kyungho #Wangho #Orianna #lulu #ori #procrastination #ao3 #msi #skt #kt #rox #worlds

[idolisnotdead]

Seiko Oomori - kitixxxgaia - Review

If you’ve read this blog before, you probably have a pretty good idea of my completely unbiased admiration for Seiko Oomori and everything she does. “Unbiased”.

So let’s just get to it. Less than a year, by about two weeks maybe to be precise, Seiko Oomori follows up her critically acclaimed major sophomore album (fourth overall) TOKYO BLACK HOLE with something even bigger, even more political, even more honest, and even more ambitious. I’m going to start off by changing my previous opinion. TOKYO BLACK HOLE is like an 8.5 now. Stay with me, here now and buckle up; we’re going for a ride, my friends.

The same week the United States got unleashed with the marvel of Drake’s More Life – a notably emotional return to form that also doesn’t shy away too far from the newer territory Toronto’s first celebratory hero has been invading – Japan was hit with something similarly parallel. Seiko Oomori gave us her fifth album kitixxxgaia on March 15th. Just like Drizzy, Seiko has given us an equally emotional experience, that still covers her recent sounds while almost giving us a slight return to her punk roots save for the general lack of an obvious acoustic guitar in most of the mixes (though it’s worth noting that it’s still there, just buried in the mix; I’ll get to why such a jam-packed mix actually works in a minute).

It’s amazing to see that the west and the east were both delivered promising projects by two of their biggest masters of music and emotion. It’s amazing to see just how far some shitty kid from Koenji has come in just five years since her official debut PINK in 2012. It’s amazing to think that that’s six albums if you count PINK, seven if you count the mostly self-covering Pink Tokarev album of 2015, which was otherwise an off-year for everyone’s favorite singer to imitate.

The only word I can describe how kitixxxgaia sounds with is “big”. And several other adjectives. Maybe “gigantic”. Maybe “colossal”. It’s a fucking huge album, pardon my French. This is potentially Seiko’s first Ringo Sheena-level album (let’s just forget that SUNNY happened for a minute). There’s a lot of religious imagery and a heavy aesthetic. I’d highly suggest on your first listen, you watch the music videos for every song that has one. So start with the “Dogma Magma” video, then the “Hikokuminteki Hero” video, listen to “IDOL SONG” normally, then when “Gutto Kuru Summer” comes along, watch that video too. And so on.

kitixxxgaia is heavy in its use of a very specific aesthetic, which takes influence from Christianity (and a hint of Mexican-style Christianity at that), weddings, quite a bit of Dadaism, and it’s all absolutely drenched in shades of pink and lighter blues. It’s the kind of album that’s best to be experienced both by listening and watching, as I said before. There are heaps of promotional images that came along with the album and the original “holy trinity” singles that lead up to its release, and I’d suggest maybe even just looking through those around Twitter and wherever else you can find them (maybe I’ll compile what I can find and make a post later this week) while you listen to the songs that aren’t accompanied by music videos. It’s the kind of multi-media work that could induce a sensory-overload in someone with synesthesia, like myself.

Now before I even get into the music of it, I want to point out the name of the album itself. Just the name kitixxxgaia (say it in English how you want, I generally say “Kitty Gaia”), much like her lyrics, takes some wordplay. In Japanese, the word “kichigai” - short for “[anta no] ki ga chigaimasu”, though nobody would ever say it that formally - is essentially the closest the Japanese language can get to the level of offense that words like (cover your children’s eyes) “fuck” or “cunt”. It doesn’t mean the same thing, but it’s that sort of level of offense, though deeper seeing as Japan is culturally much more introverted than we are over here.

Kichigai could loosely be translated to “you’re fucking crazy, man; you’re out of your goddamn mind.” Not in like a “woah dude that’s a fucking siiiick tattoo of a wolf” kind of way, though. It’s an insult, not a term of endearment. Adding the “a” to the end, Seiko turns it into “kichigaia” (キチガイア). After a day or two, she officially changed the name to romaji, now calling it “kitixxxgaia”, censoring it (possibly for management, cultural, and radio airplay reasons, but we don’t know specifically) by making it English and with three x’s in the middle. This name, to me, holds two simultaneous meanings, again, much like her signature style of lyricism.

The “kiti” could be interpreted as “kitschy”, a word referring to style in poor taste, much like our girl Seiko’s aesthetic. The word “gaia” is the personification of our planet Earth in ancient Greek texts. So it’s a “Kitschy World”.

“kitixxxgaia” in its original meaning, “Crazy Fucking World”.

Now to the music: Seiko has never let us down with a strong opener, and this might be the most in-your-face, unexpected opener, titled “Dogma Magma”. “Come on up to the emotional stage!” she blurts out before a gong bangs in your face; the remainder of the measure in silence before another hits with a choir on top, just underneath a piano playing downward arpeggios, and below that, some intricate string work, each instrument holding its breath. After the four bar intro, we crescendo up to the main song. Enter a not-quite shibuya-kei type beat – syncopated and staccato-like drums underneath a jittery, major piano progression. Behind it all is Seiko’s voice distorted, seemingly having a conversation with God.

As the filter cuts off, Seiko enters with some of her most provoking, forward lyrics ever written: (rough translation by yours truly): "Once upon a time there was something other than [just] male and female. Once upon a time there was something other than [just] white, black, and yellow [people]. Once upon a time there was something other than [just] yes and no. These things had always always existed, but it was then instead decided that they didn’t [exist].” she sings, touching on the recently hot topics of gender, race, and consent.

She continues “When I opened my eyes I was Japanese. I’m a goddess but I’m too uncomfortable in this inconvenient body to go outside without makeup on.”, a clear reference to body positivity clashing with self-esteem issues, and likely even cultural pressure in Japanese society. “Dogma Magma” has cuts into a more punk style chorus, reminiscent of “Magic Mirror”. “What will you do during the revolution? Just one heart? Fuck you, fuck [you] all, because this is war!” There she is. That’s the Seiko we know and love.

Track three is of note because it sort of takes me back to when she used to advertise herself as an idol during the Zettai Shoujo era for extra shock value. A clever parody on idol music and culture, “IDOL SONG” could almost pass off as a generic denpa song à la Band Ja Naimon!.

“JI・MO・TO no Kao Kawaii Tomodachi” (roughly “JI・MO・TO’s Cute-Faced Friend”) is certainly one of her most out-there songs, with a catchy, sugary hook, an almost rap verse not too different from what she did with “Zettai Kanojo”. It’s light, it’s bouncy, and it’s really good. This whole album is really good. Good. Good. Good. Good. It’s good music (Cruel Winter, when? I need answers, Kanye!).

Speaking of rapping, two songs later, Seiko gives us the ultimate collab for this generation of J-pop. Much like Ringo Sheena and Utada Hikaru’s “Nijikan Dake no Vacation” (roughly “A Vacation For Just The Two Of Us”), “Chikyuu Saigo no Futari” (roughly: “The Last Two People on Earth”) opens up eerily, with a huge texture and an oozing sub bass that launches into this groovy, dark, rhythmic masterpiece. Seiko begins “Dora-chan, warmest welcome to the 21st century, where mass production has made humans more like robots. Justice is brought by violence, the death penalty is given immediately unless you’re cute.” Seiko is soon interrupted: “I’m being forced to be stupid, these frames in front of me are out of my league. Fuck you, guidance! In my head, I’m punk.” Is that voice DAOKO? You bet your ass it is, and she is spitting that truth all over this track.

God there’s so much more to cover for this album but I really don’t want to ruin too much of it by blabbing on. Up next, continuing with the album’s religious themes “Pink Methuselah” brings a familiar sound with a twist – once it kicks in, it’s very clearly Kenta Sakurai (ex. Izukoneko, current Maison Book Girl, TOKYO BLACK HOLE’s “SHINPIN” producer) behind the producer’s chair on this one, but unlike “SHINPIN” from Seiko’s previous album, it’s not just another Sakurai song. It’s very clear how much Seiko added on top of what he did, and it’s like the perfect blend of both of their signature styles.

The album also features a menacing, full-piano self-cover of °C-ute’s “Mugen Climax”, a song that Seiko wrote for the extremely popular Hello! Project group. Now, she’ll never avoid Ringo Sheena comparisons – after all, Oomori’s debut album Mahou Ga…’s artwork pays direct tribute to Sheena’s legendary 2000 album Shouso Strip’s artwork - but what hearing this self-cover (which makes °C-ute’s version almost unlistenable) makes me want is a self-cover album from Seiko once she garners enough writing credits, much like Ringo Sheena’s Utaite Myouri.

The thing here about kitixxxgaia is that the album finishes off differently depending on the version you have. There are three versions: Dogma, Karma, and Gaia. Every version comes with a second “disc” that’s a DVD/Blu Ray; Dogma comes with a live Blu Ray of ZEPP Tokyo stop of the Tokyo Black Hole Tour, Gaia comes with live audio of that same show as well as a DVD of all of the album’s music videos, and Karma comes with a live DVD of a few different shows from last year. Each version also has a key difference  to the main album – the final track is different.

As my personal recommendation, Dogma is the ideal version. Karma and Gaia finish off with new songs, but Dogma closes out with an acoustic re-recording of the Zettai Shoujo single “Kimi to Eiga” (literally: “Movie With You”). Since the closest thing we get to ‘acoustic’ on kitixxxgaia is “Mugen Climax” and “Orion Za”, this is a necessity to the album’s closure and really puts into perspective just how far Seiko has come since her humble beginnings.

The Karma song is called “Ramen no Hanashi” (literally “Ramen Conversation”) and the Gaia song is called “M”. “M” is another piano song, cutting in at just over 6 minutes. “Ramen no Hanashi” also does a similar job to “Kimi to Eiga”, being a full-acoustic track, and it’s a bonus that it’s a new song as well, so if you’re looking for a fully new experience or you’re not familiar with the Zettai Shoujo classic, maybe the Karma version is more for you. Either way, it’s a really nice way to end the album with some retrospect.

IDOL iS NOT DEAD gives kitixxxgaia a perfect 10/10. 11/10. Screw it. Whatever. It’s so goddamn good, just stop reading and go listen oh my god

[tessatechaitea]

Cerebus In Hell? #1

Cerebus is the only one surprised that he wound up in hell.

See? Like this!

Thinking back to Dave Sim's rants about feminism and men in monogamous relationships with women, it strikes me that Dave Sim was sort of a precursor to Gamergate and the rise of the Men's Rights Activists. But funnier! The comic is set up like a weekly comic strip. Each page is a four panel joke with Cerebus interacting with a famous painting. At least I'm assuming they're famous since I know nothing about paintings!

This one made me laugh out loud.

Dave Sim always had a great ear for comedic dialogue. His Groucho Marx (as Jaka's Uncle Julius) was as funny and absurd as the real thing. His Cockroach parodies of superheroes were sharp and shaped with an obvious young love of the comics he was satirizing. And I will forever be disappointed with just how little Elrod of Melvinbone there actually is in the six thousand pages of Cerebus. There's really not much more to say about this. If you like Cerebus before he became a boring religious-minded fuck, you'll probably get a kick out of this. If you're not whimsical enough and you know you'll whinge on about the entire thing being recycled artwork with speech bubbles stuck on, you should pass on this. Also, if you wrote Dave Sim off long ago because he was a total nutter and almost certainly a misogynist, you probably didn't even find the panel funny where the guy under the rocks is still using his watch.

#Cerebus #Dave Sim

[renegadesepiida]

How many cultures around the world celebrate with sheep decoration and alcohol? No, seriously, I’m asking. It would seem that the festival of Sant Joan de Ciutadella on the island of Menorca is not a singular event in the world, especially because it came from Pagan festivals and then incorporated Medieval traditions and Christianity, but they sure do make it all their own. For all the background information you can visit menorca-live.com/festes-de-sant-joan-de-ciutadella-menorca/.

For a bit over a week (9 days) the entire city of Ciutadella celebrates. The origin story, as it was told to me was, this annual festival is to celebrate the medieval knights who went to fight a war with the rest of Spain and the sheep was brought to all the knights’ homes as payment and to symbolize the call to arms. As the knights rode out to battle the celebration ensued. Fast-forwarding to the present, over the next several days the roads are covered in sawdust and broken nuts and knights on horseback riding through the streets. But I’m getting ahead of myself. It all starts with a sheep.

Night 1:

Beginning on Saturday, June 20 (at least in 2015) crowds all gather at a particular person’s home (I think it changes each year) where a male sheep is being kept in a pen about five feet above the ground. It is the tradition for people to visit the sheep and yell at it to keep it awake all night. As there are hundreds of people passing by, taking pictures, and talking to each other it is easy to believe that sound of the street quickly becomes a dull roar. Visitors come and go in shifts; some families come together before dinner, after dinner (which is when we were there), or later and later throughout the night. One can also imagine that as the night goes on a number of drunken people rises rapidly and some craziness can occur, but we left before that.

Day 2 – July 21:

After being kept up all night the sheep is pampered with a wash, a brush and is adorned with ribbons. This day is known as Diumenge des Be or the Sunday of the Lamb. All day long the Homo des Be (man of the sheep) carries the relaxed sheep on his shoulders circling around the city to the different knight’s homes while barefoot and wearing sheepskin. This man is accompanied by a small traveling band made up of a flutist and a drummer whom all met in the early morning at the balcony of the Caiser Senyor where the drummer is given the red and white cross flag of Sant Joan.

While walking through the city, mobs follow the procession through both wide-open squares and thin alleyways. This is not only to listen to the music that is continuously played nor to get a decent photograph or video, which is really difficult because of the sheer number of people (trust me, I was there) but also because petting the sheep’s wool is supposedly good luck. Maybe it’s just luck enough to make it out of the crowd alive, but in whatever way good luck presents itself I’m just happy that I can say I got a pet in while a was taking a video… which is probably why the video itself sucks.

And, of course, no festival would be complete without the traditional booze. In Menorca’s case, the special drink is called pomada, a mix of the island’s gin and lemonade. Even though we, along with the locals, drank this every night it will make a nasty and more entertaining appearance on a later date.

Day 3 – July 22:

As everyone knows vacations are hard, just kidding. With the week off from the field school, the instructors took us to various areas of the island that relate to what each course was more or less focused on. My group, of five, was the scuba divers and so we went straight to the ocean side. Up to the stone ruins of an ancient town high up on a cliff side. From this point, the citizens living there could have seen everything around, the perfect defensible position. We then drove a bit further northwest to caves that were used as homes and temples in an earlier era. What was incredible about that site was that while the outside rock was slightly carved to decorate ‘doorways’, the enormous inside was only a bit natural. While the caves themselves had mostly formed naturally the people who lived there carved most of the separate rooms with all of the special benches, fire pits, and columns.

After we all met together again at the oldest structure on the island (most likely a tomb) we visited a site with Roman and older pottery that was scattered across the ground like bubble gum wrappers or cigarettes in New York City. While a lot of history is known about that specific site it’s the time of Roman occupation not much is known from before, theories fly around that there could be buildings and temples built by the Minoans. Large stones stacked like capital T’s are thought, by some, to be reminiscent of the Minoan bullheads, though there is no official proof of this (for more info: https://www.historicmysteries.com/taulas-menorca/).

Continuing on with the day we all take the time to stop running around and eat a simple lunch at a beach, specifically Cala Pilar. I brought my white bikini, which may have not been the best idea looking back, and I was fairly uncovered. The water was warm and relaxed, not much in the way of waves and so clear we could easily see the bottom. Sand led, on the right side, to large basalt and sandstone rocks growing into a cliff face. In this area, there is another tradition that was shared with us, mud therapy. The red mud at the base of the cliff has been used for a type of lotion for centuries. All the coolest people of our group, at least the ones who didn’t care about getting dirty, climbed over the rocks and reached the mud. We covered our legs, stomachs, backs, and arms. I even painted my own to be more like war paint, putting a few lines on my face as well. Over a short period of time I could feel the mud drying and tighten on top of my skin and in several more minutes, I jumped back into the water to wash it off.

My skin was so soft and smooth, the best ‘lotion’ I had ever used. I know they pack and sell it to different countries, but I would rather spend the time and money to just go back and get it for free. Would be worth it for another vacation. The slight downside is that the mud stained my bikini, but there is an upside to that too; whenever I see that suit with its red stains I always remember that wonderful experience.

Day 4 – July 23:

According to my photo history, since looking back the days all seem to bleed together, the next day was the ‘horse party’, the main event. The main square by the waterfront was where the knights displayed their prowess and control over the huge Menorcan horses they rode. With a growing crowd comes an aspect of danger. While the knights ride directly through the crowds they also rear the horses. Just like the sheep a few days previous it is supposedly good luck to touch horses as they are being ridden, even more so if you touch them while rearing. With a crowd of hundreds attempting to touch the same horse, at the same time, accidents happen. Just one year before we arrived a man died after being kicked in the head as the horse came back down. Whether he was just being an idiot, running up to a rearing horse and not getting out of the way in time or if he got pushed up to the rearing horse and couldn’t move out of the way because of the crowd, it is still a tragic occurrence. And one that I was not anxious to duplicate.

All day and into the night the horses ran through the crowds all around the city. I was able to touch and even pet a few of them (while stationary) over that time and even for the next few days, but I was always weary about where the crowds were because I had a couple close calls early in the day. With the enormous crowds pushing you closer and closer to the action, there are times when you just might have to duck.

Day 5 – July 24:

Over the off week, nights were spent out at bars or clubs almost every night. There was one wide alleyway where the water for the harbor ended and the occasional bridges became shorter and shorter until streets on either side came together in a triangle shape; that was where the clubs were. Where most of the young people spent their time. But this particular night didn’t take place at a club at night, oh no, this started in the early evening and ran throughout the entire city.

Almost nearing the end of the week there were more and more traditions that continued to reveal themselves. One of them was the throwing of hollowed out hazelnuts at each other. During the late morning, before the mandated siesta (break time after lunch), we were out walking as a group and saw heaps of people, both young and old, throwing nuts at each other and laughing. We all decided to join in, throwing at the other people we knew in the group rather than total strangers. It was really fun! Since the nuts weren’t very heavy it didn’t hurt when you got hit either. While we were having our ‘battle’ a film crew made their way over and started to record us. I don’t know whatever became of that taping, but it makes me laugh when I think of a bunch of archaeology students from abroad being featured on Spanish TV at a Spanish festival.

Continuing on with the day another student, Teddy, and I took a break from everyone and went to write in our journals at a café across town. (And yes, I’m being completely literal and serious right now.) For at least an hour we sat outside and didn’t speak while writing. As the sun began to set more and more people were coming outside for another night of celebration. This time I really wanted in on the fun, so after my journal entry was completed I slipped the book and pen back into my purse and together with my friend set off to find the best pomada.

It seemed like every single café and bar had its own pomada recipe, but they all tasted pretty much the same, but also different. At each place, one cup would cost 2€ so Teddy and I took even turns paying for the drinks. Of course, every place gave us cups that we could take away and toss in the garbage, making it easier and faster to walk to each different shop. Personally, my favorite variation was the slushy version that we found at one café, but sadly, we would never find it again.

Eventually, we found ourselves nearby the club alleyway and the harbor. There Teddy saw a sailboat that he thought was too beautiful to ignore, I don’t know much if anything about boats so I wouldn’t be a great judge. The owner was a young man hanging out with his friends who had all come from mainland Spain to celebrate for a few days. While talking, mostly to Teddy, I was kind of listening, in and out, and refocused when they invited us aboard. I was ‘on-board’ (see what I did there??) for this plan cause, hey, free booze and hot guys. This backfired on me a bit because what I didn’t know at the time is that they asked Teddy if he was my boyfriend. Since he wasn’t he told them no (duh), and that, to them meant that it was open season on me, for anything and everything. We chatted a little (and when I say little I mean 5-10 minutes) bit before they started pouring pomada down my throat. Sure I was saying yes at the time and actively participating, but at that point, I was already inebriated, already at the point when I could have easily been taken advantage of. Luckily, Teddy noticed this and asked me if I wanted to go, in one of those silent, mind reading ways, and we politely departed from the men on the boat.

In the square, on the way back to the apartment, we ran into another group from the field school. They brought their own bottle of pomada and were heading to the small inlet beach a couple blocks from our building to drink and chill out. I was definitely drunk at this point, but wanting do as much fun stuff as possible joined them. Here is where my memory gets a bit hazy. I don’t particularly remember walking to the beach, but I remember walking onto the rocks and sitting down and drinking more. We all joked around, though I don’t remember the jokes that were made. And the last thing that I actually remember from that night was joining people in their leap into the water. The funny thing was that I wasn’t wearing my swimming suit, so in true, drunk, 23-year-old fashion, I went skinny-dipping instead.

It wasn’t until the next morning that I was told what happened after that and got those slight recollections in third-person. When you don’t know if it actually happened or if it was just a vivid dream. When I woke up I felt sick, but not an actual hangover, and when I moved the sheets to get out of bed there was a medium sized stain of blood by my feet and my left foot felt stiff and sore. Apparently while climbing out of the water I gashed my foot on a rock, this is when I am glad that I was so drunk that I didn’t feel it, or just didn’t remember the pain. Also because I was so drunk I couldn’t put all my clothes back on so another student lent me a towel to tie around my waist and I put back on my cardigan. Because I just got a gash on the ball of my foot and couldn’t walk Teddy gave me a piggyback ride back to the apartment building where I proceeded to puke my guts out after slipping on my sweats, without underwear, and a spaghetti strap shirt.

Naturally, while listening to this, I was mortified and profusely apologized to everyone who had to see me like that. It was the worst night in terms of my drinking and I scaled WAY BACK afterward, even to the point of not drinking at all. So over the next few days, I went out with people, but I didn’t really party too much and I was even a bit apprehensive about going back to the dock area because I was nervous that those guys would still be there. They weren’t, and the rest of the weekend was enjoyable and ended without any more incidents. After hearing more stories from our group I do wish I had stayed out later on other night, more soberly though, so I could’ve watched the sunrise. Sadly, after that week no one wanted to stay out all night again.

When Monday came everyone had to get back to his or her normal lives and all the evidence of the weeklong party was gone. The roads were suddenly spotless overnight. With not even a speck of shattered nut or speck of sawdust was left on any road. I couldn’t help but marvel at all the work that goes into this festival every year, and how they’ve already been doing it for centuries. The end of it reminds me of a reset button, or a ‘what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas’ type of a thing. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you learn from it, because everything can be washed clean.

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The Knights of the Pomada and Sheep How many cultures around the world celebrate with sheep decoration and alcohol? No, seriously, I’m asking. It would seem that the festival of Sant Joan de Ciutadella on the island of Menorca is not a singular event in the world, especially because it came from Pagan festivals and then incorporated Medieval traditions and Christianity, but they sure do make it all their own.

#archaeology #beachlife #blogging #cocktails #cultural #drinking #explore #festival #friends #history #horses #medieval #medievalfestival #memories #menorca #mudbath #party #sheep #spain #throwbackthursdays #travel #travelblog #tryingeverything

[amberlynnb-blog1]

A Drive To Survive.

The questions I had pondered my entire life were “can I really be happy?” and “will I ever be able to live in my own skin?” I marveled at such questions since I was a little girl up until the ripe age of 21. More than ever there was a need to be like the average child, the average cocky teenage girl, or even the average temperate drug user. The ingredients of being sober included severe consequences of not getting what I wanted in the moment and more importantly, waking up in the morning to handle life on life’s terms. From hiding under a bed dreading about going to school, to living on the streets of Sepulveda in clothes I hadn’t washed in two weeks, there was one thing in common: I could not face reality. The delusional state of just stagnantly breathing became surviving daily life with grace, dignity, and honesty. Today, my drive to survive consists of what I went through, what changed during the process, and what my life looks like as of now.

             I remember my innocent age of 13 years old before I had any illegal drugs in my system. As I sit here and reminisce on the past, I wish I took childhood more seriously. My grandparents and my mother raised me in a big house. I attended private school and I always had food on the table. We even had a Golden Retriever named Shadow. From doctors to ADD testing facilities, I grew up with the mindset that a pill could fix anything. By the age of fourteen, I was on almost every prescription medicine for ADD, ADHD, and depression including Adderall, Vyvance, Zolft, and Prozac. Despite the pleasing hand I was dealt, I couldn’t see past the fear and frustration of being a shy “no one”. When I attended middle and high school, I was bullied quite a bit for being the weird ugly girl with a shy personality and oversized clothes. My fearfulness led me to a deep resolution to not eat in front of people. The reason of starvation stemmed from being overly self-conscious with a self-esteem that was purely nonexistent. The fear manifested and the unrealistic expectations of how I felt others should act etched a carving that splintered into the skin of who came into contact with me. The twisted perception I had at that age led to the predestined solution and destruction of drugs and alcohol.

 When I turned 15 years old, marijuana was discovered. Weed went from a fun and alleviating drug to a dependence that ultimately started me down a long road of desperation. Weed was accepted in my family, but if only they knew where this simple recreational drug would take me. After inhaling the mesmerizing smoke, I wanted to meet the man with the miraculous plant. I made it a goal to try to take some home with me and soon after that I was smoking and selling large quantities of green. Nothing else in life was important until I physically had the plant in my possession. Eventually marijuana stopped treating my disease and I needed something much more potent. I was introduced to a 27 year old man one night through Facebook and the last thing I expected doing was getting introduced to heroin. At first he didn’t want me know he was an addict. He hid it from me, but when I saw his eyes watering and him sneezing and slipping into the night to hunt for the dealers, I knew there was something drastically wrong. I could smell the odor of burning tar slip through his clothes and soon enough I was standing up trying not to collapse. I married heroin that night and we stayed together for four years.

           I was now 20 years old and the drugs had led me to a point of being spiritually, emotionally and physically broken. The consistent need for something was getting old and I was exhausted. Every single morning I would have to pick up a straw and smoke dope until I was well enough to pick myself out of bed. The bathroom was next as I needed to throw up from the stomach bile that collected in my belly from the night before. My brain felt like it was deteriorating. I started having emotional outbursts with those around me when I didn’t get my way or my money or my drugs. I was still living at home at the time. My mother and grandparents did not want to kick me out because they thought they could prevent an overdose if I stayed at home; however, this still had a place in the earth to plant me if an accident did happen. Those around me were turned off by my negative behavior and I was quickly losing all those who cared about me. After a while I started getting sick of being sick and tired, but the drug use did not stop.

 I never thought I would end up in jail but shortly enough, I did. After my first night in jail, anything was believable. I had gone off the deep end and I couldn’t wait to get out so I could get high yet, once again. Van Nuys Jail was freezing, smelly, and stale. The deputies always burned the food in the microwave and the beds were as hard as stone. The women were quite inspiring especially the one young girl I met. She had cut her husband up with an ax. She ended up giving me her shirt to keep me warm while I was kicking heroin. I can recall kicking the metal bunk beds as hard as I could at 4 am in the morning, praying to a God I didn’t know existed. After six days I was released and I went back to the only love I knew, my dope.

             As soon as I finally got kicked out of my house after multiple threats to stop, Sepulveda Boulevard was not far from where I lived. The Boulevard was corrupted with a false assumption of security and people who sold drugs. I was motivated to go to any length to get my dope. I can vaguely recall driving around scary men for drugs. I would rotate from living in my car and waking up in cockroach ridden motel rooms. I even awoke one night to realize my social security card and license were stolen. The month I was on the streets had me feeling the lowest I had ever felt. I didn’t know how to say no and therefore, I couldn’t stop inhaling substances. I just wanted a safe place to stay and I felt I needed to be told what to do. After a three day drug using free for all, I felt like I needed help. For the first time I admitted defeat in the means that I couldn’t do this by myself. I literally felt insanity rise up in me like a bird taking flight for the first time. I admitted myself into Kaiser hospital and they directed me to a downtown mental institution. For seven days I was locked in with the real crazies. There was a lady I was housed with who would open up the Bible by her bed, pick a page, and make it a mission to follow whatever it said. She would say a Wiccan prayer every time she did this process.  It was a miracle that I lasted those seven days as I felt as if I was turning into one of those people. After sobering up, the self-realization set in that I was just a drug addict. The doors of the institution opened up and I awoke from the casket I was set in. I could now see the freedom awaiting me in the horizon.

             The first step of the healing process was to admit complete defeat of everything I thought I had control over. I had a moment of clarity meaning that this life I was living was not definite and that there was a solution. When I would walk into meeting halls, I would see people smiling and laughing. I just wanted to be like them. The introduction of Alcoholics Anonymous meetings spawned a foundation based off of a solution and other people striving to achieve a better life. There were content homeless people, business people, lawyers, mothers, fathers and even children in these meetings. Now, I would never mingle with a vast amount of these people outside these meeting halls, but one thing in common kept us together in perfect harmony. That one perfect thing was the solution that rid us of the obsession. I kept hearing the 12 steps echo around the halls and I decided to give it a try. A sponsor guided me and now I guide other women with the same tools that were taught to me: helping others is my newfound freedom. The selfish, self-seeking, inconsiderate, dishonest and fearful behavior escaped me and the serenity rose out of my pale white skin. I now take women through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous in which has instilled in me a new pursuit of survival. The women I have helped needed to survive as I have and so we walk together. My family welcomes me into their house to this day. I even have a key to the house so I can let myself in when they are not there. My family brags about me wherever they go and they are so proud of me. The relationship I have with them now is simply remarkable.

             My sobriety date is July 1st, 2015. I am now a secure 24-year-old woman who is capable of surviving life on life’s terms. The struggles that I have encountered leading up to now have shaped my inner core. I can now see the other side of the many hardships that come up in my daily existence. I never thought it be possible to get sober and be happy. I also did not think that getting sober would put me into a state of happiness. I stay in the present now and I do not dwell in the future or the past. The problems that I encounter are much smaller than they used to be. The thought to use has not sprung up since I admitted defeat. As Malcolm X admitted, “. . . I never had been so truly free in my life” (144). The idea that everything happens for a reason has been ingrained in me and each trial and tribulation that is endured increases me strength and my drive to survive.  

#drugaddiction recovery healing writing shortstory mystory