#i’m lesbian and he’s gay and i think we could make it work somehow

[neinofthem]

every episode with essek in it before the Reveal is so funny because he’s there for maybe 45 minutes max and he spends a third of this time staring deeply into caleb’s eyes, another third giving away state secrets, and the other third saying the most out of pocket batshit things like he expected his swag to carry him through any trials and/or tribulations. he called beau’s cocktail racist and then dipped. they invite him in to dinner and he’s like ‘yeah i made my dad so angry he died. normal. anyways what are your innermost driving motivations, wishes, and fears? is this how conversation works?’ and the nein collectively were just like it’s ok he’s hot. and you KNOW he’s all up in his mind with the whole tortured genius melancholy resignation sadness angst thing and it’s like baby no you’re just bizarre and unusual. god.

#i’m lesbian and he’s gay and i think we could make it work somehow #critical role #essek thelyss #cr #the mighty nein #tm9 #mighty nein #cr2 #shadowgast #cr shitpost #critical role essek #essek #caleb widogast #essek cr #beauregard lionett

[kickedshins]

readalong riverdale playlist guide

songs have been added in no particular order. sometimes songs tie to broader visions of a musical episode, but some are just “they should have shoehorned this in somewhere in that classic riverdale way”. all songs are musical theater songs. yes i know they did superboy and the invisible girl but they did it wrong (sorry cami, you were great). this is an eternally updating playlist and guide. enjoy!

Corner of the Sky, from Pippin: Archie!!! This literally could happen anywhere at any point in time. What is this song if not Pippin going left Pippin going right. Put this wherever your heart desires. I want to come up with a Pippin musical episode plot because it’s so good. Jughead singing "Simple Joys" over a montage of Archie not dealing with his problems… I’m getting carried away.

Kind of Woman, from Pippin: Veronica would sing this in an entirely unselfaware way. I’m thinking early season two. Isn’t it a beautiful vision?

Superboy and the Invisible Girl, from Next to Normal: THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN A COOPERS SONG. I’m mentally rewriting the n2n episode with this being a Coopers song.

Could I Leave You?, from Follies: A timeskip Veronica and Hermione duet at their respective shitty husbands. It ends with Hermione resignedly going back to the minutiae of marriage and with Ronnie shooting Chad in the face. Don’t worry about how this messes with plot this isn’t about that.

Your Fault, from Into the Woods: Read this post and envision a beautiful ITW episode.

I’ve Never Been in Love Before, from Guys and Dolls: Okay honestly? Archie and Josie duet. Cuter than "Fight For Me", imo.

Mother Knows Best, from Tangled: Alice, duh. Season one or season seven.

Do You Hear the People Sing?, from Les Mis: Season six union stuff baybee! Hand in hand with "Bread and Roses". It also would be really funny to have KJ and Vanessa, who in my opinion suffer the most from iPhone Voice in the cast, to do such a grand musical-y song. It would not be very good but boy would it be entertaining.

Therapy, from Tick, Tick… Boom!: BUGHEAD DYSFUNCTION DUET YES PLEASE. Let’s say season four. "Exquisite Corpse" vibe, but suppress it all. Maybe the problem’s simply codependency!

Get This Right, from Frozen II: Okay hear me out this is one of the most stupidly romantic songs I have ever heard. An Archie song, obviously. Timeskip Varchie. Maybe he’s actually about to propose, maybe not, doesn’t matter. All that matters is how much I genuinely think KJ could have slayed this song.

Being Alive, from Company: Obviously go read Jughead’s Weird Fantasy right now if you haven’t already. But even in Riverdale canon I would want Jughead to sing this in timeskip. If we’re getting specific it feels very Tabby tucking him in after he gets too drunk at the key party. Sorry for nixing the gay subtext by putting it next to a Jabitha moment jail for a million years for me I know. It could also be after Archie calls him when he’s in NYC. There you go, gay people.

Something’s Coming, from West Side Story: Season one or seven Archie. Just feels very wholesome. I think it would be cute. Could be performed on stage if season one.

How Did We Come to This?, from The Wild Party (Lippa): A Veronica La Bonne Nuit performance that somehow becomes a group number (she’s the only one singing on stage though). Season three. No "Queenie Was A Blonde" tag. I could make an AMV to this song. I should not do that I already have three in the works. But I could.

Run Away with Me, from The Mad Ones: This is purely self-indulgent because I like on-the-road Jarchie and I have a soft spot for this mediocre musical for personal reasons. 

Suddenly Seymour, from Little Shop of Horrors: Choni! Choni forever and ever amen. Season seven, I think, when Cheryl finally accepts that she’s a lesbian and is facing homophobia from her family/society/etc. Cheryl is Audrey which is funny because “mama was poor” lol no she wasn’t. They should go all the way and get the rights to change the lyrics to Suddenly Toni. Neither Madelaine nor Vanessa has the right voice for this song even a little bit. I do not care. 

Partner in Crime, from Tuck Everlasting: Betty and Archie. In my wildest fantasies this is like a season four flashback to them as kids and we have kid Barchie sing this song but other than that I think this could be a number when they’re hooking up in timeskip. Even though I don’t approve of Barchie hooking up in timeskip because I hate straight people I do think they would slay this. KJ specifically I think would sound great on this, it’s not really a Lili song but oh well. Another version that would be incredibly funny but not as good would be having timeskip Veronica and Reggie sing it about, like, actual crime.

Totally Fucked, from Spring Awakening: Kevin-centric group number in the style of "In" or "Beautiful". Could be anywhere from seasons two to four. Maybe we include the “did you write this?” thing with Betty and Jughead as Melchior. They did some expose for some paper. You know how it is. I wish the Riverdale characters were allowed to say fuck so bad.

Moving Too Fast, from The Last Five Years: Timeskip Jughead. It almost fits but doesn’t in a way that’s oh-so-Riverdale.

The I Love You Song, from The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee: Sad. Shared between Betty, Veronica, and Cheryl, but Veronica-centric (could be an unhinged La Bonne Nuit performance from her with cutaways to the other two, actually). Whenever the most amount of parents in this group are in jail. There’s at least one meaningful shot of Jughead reacting.

I’m Breaking Down, from Falsettos: Okay this one is sort of cheating because I don’t necessarily want to fit it into the actual canon of Riverdale I just think if Archie had come out in high school Veronica would have pulled a "The Ladies Who Lunch" and done this at La Bonne Nuit. I think Cami would body that.

What Is This Feeling?, from Wicked: Hear me out. Bret/Jughead duet.

For Good, from Wicked: Betty and Veronica, season seven. Or quad number in late s4/early s5 before the timeskip. I think Lili would sound gorgeous on this, especially the bridge.

Two-Player Game, from Be More Chill: Look Joe Iconis wrote music that was used in Archie: The Musical let me have this okay. Season one Jarchie. Jughead as Michael obviously even though he’s nothing like Michael and Archie is nothing like Jeremy. I just want to make Cole Sprouse say “favowite”.

Mother’s Gonna Make Things Fine, from A New Brain: I have a whole beautiful vision for an A New Brain musical episode that takes place in season four. It’s too long to get into right now but just know it’s there and it’s gorgeous and I’m going to fully flesh it out soon. Once again this is obviously an Alice song, except instead of well-meaning Jewish mom it’s overbearing evil (albeit MILFy) WASP. She’s fretting over Betty because Betty’s fretting about college or Jughead or something who cares. I just need Mädchen to do this.

Change, from A New Brain: This would happen about three quarters of the way through the episode. In classic Riverdale fashion they’d get a little insensitive with it and this would be a Ronnie La Bonne Nuit performance. Change the government kill the mayor! Say that! Even if the mayor is your parent! Especially if the mayor is your parent!

Brain Dead, from A New Brain: This is my favorite part of my A New Brain musical episode. It’s once again a Bughead repression duet. Just imagine the lavender marriage dream sequence anger tango they would do. I also think Cole Sprouse wouldn’t sound too horrible on this song. High praise. No lyric changes Jughead is saying “as the MD lifts me in his cruisy chiseled arms”. I’m getting angry about the fact that I will never get to see this on my screen I’m going to do some breathing exercises to calm down.

Take Me or Leave Me, from RENT: We’re gonna split this up among couples in classic Riverdale fashion. Timeskip, our Maureens are Kevin and Veronica, and our Joannes are Fangs and Archie. The Joannes don’t really work so maybe we’ll pull another classic Riverdale and cut their verses. Unfortunately the best line of the song (“Women, what is it about them? Can’t live with them or without them!”) has to be cut. I wish Choni could also sing this but alas it can’t work in this. Mostly this is an excuse to give Casey Cott more stuff to sing and I think it would be hilarious if he sung this.

Tango: Maureen, from RENT: Honestly, Riverdale both could and would do a really messy RENT episode. I should ruminate further on that. Anyway. I don’t actually know where or how this could work but I want it to be a weirdly sexually charged Vughead duet. But that makes Betty or Archie Maureen, and they are not Maureen… I don’t know. This one’s just in here because I like imagining Cole Sprouse dancing, and because I think Jughead is Jewish and it would be really funny to hear him say “Riverdale Jewish Community Center”. Let’s go with timeskip. She cheated! She cheated! Betty cheated! Fucking cheated! Oh, shit, could this be a Jarchie song in timeskip when Betty and Archie are hooking up? I think it could! Wow. Good work gang.

Razzle Dazzle, from Chicago: I’m also creating a beautiful Chicago musical episode that I don’t have time to detail right now but trust me it’s awesome. It’s in season four, Hermosa is relevant to it. Anyway this is another Kevin-centric group number where everyone is lying to different people about different things. Crucially, Cole Sprouse says the line “they’ll never know you’re just a bagel”.

I Can’t Do It Alone, from Chicago: Veronica’s asking someone to help her scheme!

Mister Cellophane, from Chicago: GAY KEVIN. NEED I SAY MORE.

My Own Best Friend, from Chicago: Beronica duet. Lives would be changed. They’re sort of fighting at this point in the episode so there would be an underlying current of potential hatefucking. But that’s sort of always the case with this song tbh. Also this isn’t on this playlist but imagine Reggie singing "Roxie". So bad. So good.

American Idiot, by Green Day/from American Idiot: Songs from jukebox musicals count too, right? Archie-led group number obviously. Let’s go with season six, but it could be season one or five, too. Maybe he is the faggot America. Jughead says the line “now everybody do the propaganda”. There’s a coordinated dance thing a la "Random Number Generation".

A Cockeyed Optimist, from South Pacific: Archie, duh. Season one, six, or seven. Probably sung directly to a Lodge.

Watch What Happens, from Newsies: Betty, season four. She's doing a piece on the community center that Archie and Mad Dog co-run. I think Lili would slay this honestly. I debated adding the reprise largely so that I could have Cole sing the snake line and to have an iconic "the poor guy's head is spinning" thing side note how can I make Davey and Jack about Jughead and Archie someone needs to shoot me. Anyway we'd cut the stuff about Katherine being into Jack in this song obviously because Betty is unhappily hetero with Jughead. Hashtag women in journalism.

Matchmaker, from Fiddler on the Roof: 50sdale girls. Really strong fun gay visuals exist in my brain for this one.

Anything You Can Do, from Annie Get Your Gun: Vughead. Neither can I!

Let Me Entertain You, from Gypsy: Ronnie duh. Season three-ish La Bonne Nuit Era. Or Polly Amorous.

I Cain't Say No, from Oklahoma!: 50sdale Betty sexual awakening era. I can SEE a beautiful beautiful dream sequence vision where she dances around flirting with Archie and Jughead and Reggie and Veronica can't you.

Tribulation, from Schmigadoon!: Yes this is a TV show not a staged live musical who cares. I don't like Music Man I'm not putting "Ya Got Trouble" on here. Alice gets a patter I don't think Mädchen would be particularly good at it but it would be extremely fun. Season seven most likely, but let's be real it could come at any point in the show.

Naughty Baby, from Crazy for You: You think I'm about to say Veronica or perhaps Cheryl don't you. WRONG Dark Betty. Oh it would be so cringe so painful so bad so terrible. It must happen. I don't know when in the show it happens it could literally be any time in s1-6.

With One Look, from Sunset Boulevard: Ronnie... I'm thinking s5 Riverbucks era.

that's all i have for now but there's more to come :]

#riverdale #kickedshins originals

[nyxlaufeyson]

Coming Out

Oneshot Masterlist - Main Masterlist

POV: Second

Ship: None, but could be read as Loki x reader, or just general friendship. Works perfect either way, it's not the focus and there's no romantic mention other than "love," but I think platonic love is valid.

Type: Pride Fluff!

Wordcount: 519

TW: None

Synopsis: You come out to the team. (And so does Loki). Also there is no specific labeling of the reader, so you can imagine it as it fits your identity. So like there is no gender or orientation-specific mentions of the reader. You can be bi, gay, lesbian, trans, and still read this and fit it to your liking in your head.

A/N: This one takes up the "coming out" block of my Pride Month special! I do hope you like this one. I didn't feel the need to make it centered on romance, so just some Marvel coming out fluff. (Again, could be read as an established relationship OR friendship).

To leave a request, feel free to comment anywhere or inbox me

This was it. This was the day you were going to announce to the team your sexual identity. 

You weren’t worried that they wouldn’t accept you, as you couldn’t imagine any of them to be homophobic, but that didn’t make you any less nervous. 

You walked into the common areas of the tower, seeing most of everyone lounging around and immersed in their own conversations and affairs. 

You cleared your throat, and most of the team stopped their conversations and looked up at you, expectantly.

Most of them.

“Tony! Peter!” You shouted, the two of them looking over to you, surprised.

“Sorry, I was just trying to explain this movie to Mr. Stark.” Peter said, and you rolled your eyes with a smile. “Of course you were.” 

You turned your attention to the whole of the room, taking a deep breath. “I have an announcement to make.” 

You hesitated for a moment before telling them, mustering all your courage as you explained to them what you were and what that meant. 

The room was quiet for a moment, and you could feel your heart pounding in your chest. This was a bad idea. You thought to yourself, biting your lip. 

“That’s awesome!” Wanda said, walking over to you and giving you a hug. Natasha followed, smirking at you. “Pretty sure everyone knew you were fruity somehow. After all, we live with you.” 

You laughed, appreciating their support. The rest of the team voiced their support, all of them happy for you. 

“You know, I’m what Midguardians call bisexual.” Loki confessed as you took a spot next to him on the couch. “And gender-fluid.” He said, and you smiled. “That’s awesome.” 

Loki chuckled, standing up. “And the best part about that is-” Loki said, green magic flashing over them as their form changed to a more feminine form. “I can just do this whenever I want” 

Loki did a little twirl and your jaw dropped as you took in her features. “Oh my god you're beautiful! Not that you're not usually beautiful, of course.” 

“Of course.” She said, winking at you as she sat back down with you on the couch. 

Most of the team was utterly surprised with Loki’s transformation, but Thor looked indifferent. “Loki used to switch forms all the time in Asgard, especially when it would help them get out of trouble.” Thor said, cracking a smile. 

“I remember this one time when we were children, Loki ran in and caused a scene with her horse. She let the horse lose and ran back out, and then a few minutes later, the Loki everyone knew showed up. Nobody had recognized Loki in their female form, so they got away with it.”

Loki chuckled, remembering that banquet night. “Later on Mother did realize it was me. Though, she never did tell Odin.” 

“Well, I still love you no matter the form you take.” You said, and Loki gave you her signature grin. “Even if I was a worm?” She asked, and you rolled your eyes. 

“I should have never taught you about social media.”

“No, you shouldn’t have.”

Tag list (Sorry if you guys don't want to be tagged for the Pride stuff, please just lmk and I can remove you for the non- xreader pride stuff. Lmk if you want to be added/removed!!!): @anukulee @mischief-dream @iceeericeee

Also yay I posted twice in a row- woah.

#fanfic #lgbtq marvel #marvel fanfic #genfic #loki fanfic #loki fluff #loki laufeyson #avengers #marvel #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq+ #pride #write with pride

[bananamail]

Capitulo de amor real telenovela

#Capitulo de amor real telenovela how to

#Capitulo de amor real telenovela full

I think at this point a romance with a priest doesn't really shock people, especially after the scandals of Marcial Maciel and the Legion of Christ which were much worse than a priest falling in love.Īlso, The Crime of Father Amaro became the biggest box office success of Mexican cinema at the time it premiered in 2002. Well, looking forward to reading all the other comments!Įn el Nombre del Amor wasn't controversial either. I was very disappointed that they didn't change that enough. I knew there was a "rape" in "Amor Real" and had ASSUMED (oh foolish me!) that they would somehow make it more palatable for modern audiences in Me Robo. I'm fairly familiar with most of the characters.

#Capitulo de amor real telenovela full

I've watched some of "Amor Real," watched most of the DVD adaptation, and have started to watch the full episodes (found online). But I'm going to tell myself that she "resentfully submitted" to the sex, like, "Let's get this over with, you a-hole." Yes, I know that it could be interpreted (IS interpreted) to be rape. I was very disturbed that they wrote it the way they did, though. Alejandro *tries* to be a nice guy.Īnyway, getting to the marital rape thing on Me Robo-I'm using mental gymnastics and trying to convince myself that was that she "submitted" to him, not happy about it, but "submitted." UGH, though! The writing of that episode made it ambiguous enough that we can fill in the blanks however we want. Oh Rogelio, how we Rogelianas loved you, even though you certainly didn't deserve it! )Īnyway, Rogelio didn't rape anyone (like how could he? LOL) and it can definitely be argued that Alejandro did, but why is it that I consider Rogelio more of a jerk? I guess because on the whole, he was. But any of you that remember when we watched LQNPA, Rogelio is one of my favorite characters. Of the two galanes (Rogelio and Alejandro), I find Alejandro to be more "sympathetic" than Rogelio in LQNPA, but then Rogelio was such a bitter, sour jerkwad for so much of the story (and he had the whip!). I think both these stories are like old fashioned romance novels, where there was more leeway for douchey behavior from the "heroes." And we the viewers (or readers of the novels) suspend our disbelief and go along with the writers. The two TNs that I've seen are LQNPA and LQLAMR (Me Robo). I'm so glad you brought this up, because I came in too late to contribute to the 100+ marital rape discussion episode on Lo que la vida me robo. It is worth mentioning though that this network doesn't reach every part of the country and that if you don't live in the central states then you need to contract basic cable to see it. In telenovelas from Cadena 3, which is the most liberal network we have, we have seen all these things handled differently: they have showed characters having abortions, gay and lesbian protagonists (with happy endings) and more realistic portrayals of rape and abuse. Televisa is the most conservative network here though, so these rules apply mostly to them. The only place where it's legal in Mexico is the Federal District which is only an area of Mexico City, this means that they can't depict it without bad consequences since it is illegal in the rest of the country. Even today many don't understand that such thing is wrong and telenovelas acting like it's normal just doesn't help.Ībortion is also a touchy subject. I couldn't stand Manuel at all after he raped Matilde in Amor Real and that novela was made back in 2003, before marital rape was criminalized in Mexico. LQLVMR is a mix of both Bodas de Odio and Amor Real but they should have changed many things to make it work and yet they didn't. They just add it for the shock value and sometimes I feel the writers lack a real understanding of what they are portraying on screen.

#Capitulo de amor real telenovela how to

Rape is such a difficult theme that telenovelas just don't know how to handle. It had Ana de la Reguera who is very popular here. The casting was really strange though, Maité Perroni and Pedro Fernández made such an odd couple. That was just the excuse the producers came up with for the low ratings. I never heard anybody complain about it at all. I don't think Cachito de Cielo had low ratings because of the priest storyline.

#Capitulo de amor real telenovela

[mishafletcher]

Are you a Gold Star lesbian? (Just in case you don't know what it means, a Gold Star lesbian is a lesbian that has never had the sex with a guy and would never have any intentions of ever doing so)

So I got this ask a while ago, and I've been lowkey thinking about it ever since.

First: No. I am a queer, cranky dyke who is too old for this sort of bullshit gatekeeping. 

Second: What an unbelievable question to ask someone you don't even know! What an incomprehensibly rude thing to ask, as if you're somehow owed information about my sexual history. You're not! No one—and I can't reiterate this enough, but no one—owes you the details of their sex lives, of their trauma, or of anything about themselves that they don't feel like sharing with you.

The clickbait mills of the internet and the purity police of social media would like nothing more than to convince everyone that you owe these things to everyone. They would like you to believe that you have to prove that you're traumatized enough to identify with this character, that you can't sell this article about campus rape without relating it to your own sexual assault, that you can't talk about queer issues without offering up a comprehensive history of your own experiences, and none of those things are true. You owe people, and especially random strangers on the internet, nothing, least of all citations to somehow prove to them that you have the right to talk about your own life.

This makes some people uncomfortable, and to be clear, I think that that's good: people who feel entitled to demand this information should be uncomfortable. Refusing to justify yourself takes power away from people who would very much like to have it, people who would like to gatekeep and dictate who is permitted to speak about what topics or like what things. You don't have to justify yourself. You don't have to explain that you like this ship because this one character reminds you a bit of yourself because you were traumatized in a vaguely similar way and now— You don't have to justify your queerness by telling people about the best friend you had when you were twelve, and how you kissed, and she laughed and said it was good practice for when she would kiss boys and your stomach twisted and your mouth tasted like bile and she was the first and last girl you kissed, but— 

You don't owe anyone these pieces of yourself. They're yours, and you can share them or not, but if someone demands that you share, they're probably not someone you should trust.

Third: The idea of gold star lesbians is a profoundly bi- and trans- phobic idea, often reducing gender to genitals and the long, shared history of queer women of all identities to a stark, artificial divide where some identities are seen as purer or more valuable than others. This is bullshit on all counts.

There's a weird and largely artificial division between bisexuals and lesbians that seems to be intensifying on tumblr, and I have to say: I hate it. Bisexual women aren't failed lesbians. They're not somehow less good or less valid because they're attracted to [checks notes] people. Do you think that having sex with a man somehow changes them? What are you so worried about it for? I've checked, and having sex with a man does not, in fact, make your vagina grow teeth or tentacles. Does that make you feel better? Why is what other people are doing so threatening to you?

Discussions of gold star lesbians are often filled with tittering about hehe penises, which is unfortunate, since I know a fair few lesbians who have penises, and even more lesbians who've had sex with people, men and women alike, who have penises. I'm sorry to report that "I'm disgusted by a standard-issue human body part" is neither a personality nor anything to be proud of. I'm a dyke and I don't especially like men, but dicks are just dicks. You don't have to be interested in them, but a lot of people have them, and it doesn't make you less of a lesbian to have sex with someone who has a dick.

There's so much garbage happening in the world—maybe you haven't noticed, but things are kind of Not Great in a lot of places, and there's a whole pandemic thing that's been sort of a major buzzkill? How is this something that you're worried about? Make a tea, remind yourself that other people's genitalia and sexual history are none of your business, maybe go watch a video about a cute animal or something. 

Fourth: The idea of gold star lesbians is a shitty premise that argues that sexuality is better if it's always been clear-cut and straightforward—but it rarely is. We live in a very, very heterosexist culture. I didn’t have a word for lesbian until many years after I knew that I was one. How can you say that you are something when your mouth can’t even make the shape of it? The person you are at 24 is different to the person you are at 14, and 34, and 74. You change. You get braver. The world gets wider. You learn to see possibilities in the shadows you used to overlook. Of course people learn more about themselves as they age.

Also, many of us, especially those of us who grew up in smaller towns, or who are over the age of, say, 25, grew up in times and places where our sexuality was literally criminal.

Shortly after I graduated high school, a gay man in my state was sentenced to six months in jail. Why? Well, he’d hit on someone, and it was a misdemeanor to "solicit homosexual or lesbian activity", which included expressing romantic or sexual interest in someone who didn’t reciprocate. You might think, then, that I am in fact quite old, but you would be mistaken. The conviction was in 1999; it was overturned in 2002.

I grew up knowing this: the wrong thing said to the wrong person would be sufficient reason to charge me with a crime.

In the United States, the Defense of Marriage Act was passed in 1996, clarifying that according to the federal government, marriage could only ever be between one man and one woman. It also promised that even if a state were to legalize same-sex unions, other states wouldn't have to recognize them if they didn't want to. And wow, they super did not want to, because between 1998 and 2012, a whopping thirty states had approved some sort of amendment banning same-sex marriage.

Every queer person who's older than about 25 watched this, knowing that this was aimed at people like them. Knowing that these votes were cast by their friends and their families and their teachers and their employers. 

Some states were worse than others. Ohio passed their bill in 2004 with 62% approval. Mississippi passed theirs the same year with 86% approval. Imagine sitting in a classroom, or at work, or in a church, or at a family dinner, and knowing that statistically, at least two out of every three people in that room felt you shouldn't be allowed to marry someone you loved.

Matthew Shepard was tortured to death in October of 1998. For being gay, for (maybe) hitting on one of the men who had planned to merely rob him. Instead, he was tortured and left to die, tied to a barbed wire fence. His murderers were both sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison. This was controversial, because a nonzero number of people felt that Shepard had brought it upon himself.

Many of us sat at dinner tables and listened to this discussion, one that told us, over and over, that we were fundamentally wrong, fundamentally undeserving of love or sympathy or of life itself.

This is a tiny, tiny sliver of history—a staggeringly incomplete overview of what happened in the US over about ten years. Even if this tiny sliver is all that there were, looking at this, how could you blame someone for wanting to try being not Like This? How can you fault someone who had sex, maybe even had a bunch of sex, hoping desperately that maybe they could be normal enough to be loved if they just tried harder? How can you say that someone who found themself an uninteresting but inoffensive boyfriend and went on dates and had sex and said that it was fine is somehow less valuable or less queer or less of a lesbian for doing so? For many people, even now, passing as straight, as problematic as that term is, is a survival skill. How dare you imply that the things that someone did to protect themself make them worth less? They survived, and that's worth literally everything.

Fifth, finally: What is a gold star, anyhow? You've capitalized it, like it's Weighty and Important, but it's not. Gold stars were what your most generous grade school teacher put on spelling tests that you did really well on. But ultimately, gold stars are just shiny scraps of paper. They don't have any inherent value: I can buy a thousand of them for five bucks and have them at my door tomorrow. They have only the meaning that we give them, only the importance that we give them. We’re not children desperately scrabbling for a teacher’s approval anymore, though. We understand that good and bad are more of a spectrum than a binary, and that a gold star is a simplification. We understand that no number of gold stars will make us feel like we’re special enough or good enough or important enough, or fix the broken places we can still feel inside ourselves. Only we can do that.

The stars are only shiny scraps of paper. They offer us nothing; we don’t need them. I hope that someday, you see that, too. 

#queer stuff #lgbtq #gold star lesbians #long post #sorry #Anonymous

[audreydoeskaren]

do you know Chinese symbolism for homosexuality?

tw homophobia, pedophilia

Hi again, for gay men there are a couple really well known ones but I’m not sure if they were real or fabricated, because all the articles describing them always cite the same couple sources from Antiquity... I tried to verify them but the only articles that didn’t copy and paste from the same source came across as extremely homophobic, so I decided to give up. The most common and reliable one is probably 断袖 or “cut sleeve”, which I mentioned in a previous ask. I would like to use this opportunity to talk about some tangential but more important topics regarding homosexuality in China though.

As a followup to my previous ask where I said I'd look through some Ming and Qing novels to see how homosexuality was perceived at the time, the conclusion I (unfortunately) came to was that homophobia was very much alive and well in Chinese literature and society. A lot of people like to argue that gay people fared pretty well in China historically by either pointing to emperors who were or were rumored to be gay or time periods where gay sex was prevalent as a form of consumption. This is extremely shallow and also kind of Orientalist in my opinion, these arguments always go for the emperors and do not take nuance into consideration or dive into wider societal discourses on homosexuality in imperial China. If you research homosexuality in Europe by only looking at royalty, you’ll find plenty of homosexual behavior too, does that mean gay people had it very easy in Europe historically?? Not to mention that they usually don’t differentiate between dynasties, let alone centuries or decades, even though public opinion on homosexuality in China (or anywhere in the world tbh) could change very quickly. This is also sort of Orientalist, assuming “imperial China” to be a never changing entity with a never changing stance on homosexuality. Since I know nothing prior to the Ming Dynasty I’ll share some of my random findings on homosexuality and homophobia in the Ming, Qing and 20th century.

Gayness as disease

Nowadays the symbol of the cut sleeve is just a benign historical allusion but historically it seems that it was used in a negative and condemning sense, implying that people thought of homosexuality as a disease or deviation from the norm. The common phrase used for the cut sleeve is "断袖之癖", usually translated as "the passion of the cut sleeve" nowadays, but the meaning of the word 癖 here leans more toward "fetish", "obsession" or "hobby" with pathological connotations. I thought maybe this word had a different, nuanced meaning historically but it seems that it was used to describe what it means :(( The only silver lining is probably that with the progression of language it isn’t offensive anymore.

In a lot of popular novels from the Ming and Qing, homosexuality was depicted as a "perversion" and a decadent lifestyle that plagues morality, and gay characters were often either killed or straightened out by the end of the story. An example of this is the story 黄九郎 Huang Jiulang from the series 聊斋志异 Strange Tales from a Chinese Studio by 蒲松龄 Pu Songling written in the 17th century. In this story, one of the protagonists was gay; he died after confessing his love to the other guy in a very fast paced bury your gays arc which somehow reminded me of the Supernatural finale, and reincarnated as a straight man because of his piety. Thanks I hate it. Pu uses the symbol of the cut sleeve to refer to the protagonist, presumably in a negative manner.

Gayness as power/status symbol

Another thing was that historically in China a lot of people confused homosexuality with pedophilia. This is a global thing, but its presence in China is often overlooked. This could be seen in the popularity of another term for homosexuality, "娈童", meaning something similar to "pederasty". I read somewhere that since the late Ming, pederasty was considered a type of tasteful consumption for high society, along with things like fashion, food, music and art. This was not equivalent to the "cut sleeve" or homosexuality as we know it nowadays, which refers to a personal sexual orientation, pederasty historically often refers to an imbalanced power dynamic where a wealthy, privileged man takes advantage of a young boy as a leisurely activity. It’s more to show off that someone in a position of privilege and wealth has the power to procure sexual objects, gender and age don’t matter much in this regard. I cannot help but cringe violently whenever someone brings up pederasty as proof of China’s historical “openness” toward gay people. Talk to me again when in this time and place you could marry someone of your sex (not a minor) and be considered a respectable couple instead of two jerks with a degenerate fetish (not saying that gay people have to marry, it’s just that the ability to do so is an important indicator of equality imo). Pedophilia and homosexuality are not one and the same good heavens.

I hypothesize that the reason why Chinese society was historically homophobic despite having no religious condemnation of homosexual individuals was the idea that having many concubines and male children was a status symbol for men. Women of marriageable age were seen more or less as commodities and male children could supposedly "continue the bloodline" 传香火 and were vessels for passing down prestige, so having them were of utmost importance to a privileged man. Being just gay or lesbian, however, meant that you didn't perform the "man strong working woman weak making babies" heteronormative family prototype, and was thus prone to criticism. When gay men didn’t have children they “couldn’t continue their bloodline” and were emasculated, when gay women didn’t have children they failed to “fulfill their duties as a woman” and were shamed.

It kind of makes sense considering how being bisexual was never a problem in comparison, especially for men. If you were a rich guy who had both male and female partners, you would still have children and concubines both male and female so nobody gives a shit. Emperor Zhengde of the Ming (reign 1505-21) was presumably bisexual and had both male and female lovers, nobody had a bone to pick with that; he famously liked to fuck around but those who criticized him did so for his debauchery instead of focusing on the gender of his partners.  This is different to homophobia in Europe where same sex attraction was considered evil and immoral in and of itself because of religious reasons, in China it was rather the other practical implications of homosexuality (not having children or a family) that attracted hate.

By the way can we just take a moment to talk about bi erasure in Chinese history. From all accounts of Emperor Zhengde I’ve read he comes across as extremely bisexual, but a lot of people try to make him a gay icon? I mean, he liked women too.

One interesting homophobic angle in ye olde China which I find kind of funny was straight women who wanted to climb the social ladder by marrying rich men talking shit about them after figuring out they were gay lmao. Historically, there were not so many work opportunities for women, so the easiest way to improve social standing was to marry a rich and powerful guy. Not saying that women didn't work, they did but their upward social mobility was restricted because they couldn't enter the imperial examination system which was how men became rich and powerful. This angle is relatively benign and kind of helps illustrate that historical Chinese homophobia was indeed fueled by classism and patriarchy.

Gayness as crime

I used to think that there were no anti-sodomy statutes in China (laws prohibiting sex between gay men), but it turns out that there was one decree in the Jiajing era (1521-67) and one in 1740, and private gay sex was not actually decriminalized until 1957. Same sex marriage is still not legal in China at time of writing. I couldn’t find detailed information on what these laws entailed or how they were enforced, but they’re enough to prove that homosexuality in China was legally punishable from the 16th century onward. On top of that, even when there was no law prohibiting private sex acts between people of the same sex, displays of gay affection such as kissing or holding hands could still be legally punished under “public indecency” or “hooliganism”, which was frequently what happened in the 20th century. 

#lgbt #queer history #chinese history #gay #mlm #ming dynasty #qing dynasty #republican era

[dennishater69]

bro i been thinking abt that (the one up there that one great post big fan) post theorizing that dennis is meant to be a twist on the “jim halpert” kind of a leading man thats standard on sitcoms. and how all the characters are like that yanno? historically successful, funny, and loved tv tropes put into an unforgiving and realistic world? like it’s even funnier when you think about how it’s almost as if the gang (ESP Den) /knows/ that they should be getting rewarded for all their antics and scheming. that’s what happens on tv. on tv jim knew from day one that he was the man for pam, he /knew/ he’d get her and (so) he /did/! he didn’t even have to try!! but in philly dennis “knows” that he’s the man for (caylee, mac, literally anyone) but it comes off as creepy not charming thus hes often rejected and humiliated.

dee is the female voice of reason (yeah ik the origin of kaitlins dee shut up let me talk), and yet her schemes and beliefs are just as titled as the boys. now look at this: lisa simpsons job wasnt to actually convince her dad or brother that their idea was dangerous. lisa’s job was to call attention to just how fucking stupid the male leads r. plus she’s a chick and implicit lesbo so she doubles as a punching bag. just like dee. cept dee isn’t super smart or musically inclined, the only thing she really has going for her is the gang. and the fact that she’s probably the best off in terms of not destroying her own life. which lets her have this unearned sense of superiority similar to dennis’ because she ~knows~ that she’s the voice of reason. what she doesn’t know is why even after she’s proven that that’s not who she WANTS to be anymore the guys still refuse to treat her like a real member of the gang even though she so obviously is. even tho the guys know she’s just as good (bad) as they are. lisa simpson, the chick from seinfeld, and lois griffin are all fine and good and are funny because deep down lois CHOSE to marry peter, lisa explicitly LOVES her family DESPITE their flaws. but dee is UNLOVED. there’s no point in her being there other than to contradict, not cos she necessarily wants to but the gang actively avoids giving her attention for anything else. so now you’ve got the voice of reason trope desperately trying to prove their own unreasonableness in an attempt to be liked. the boys resist. she acts up. they give her enough of a nod for her to stay for another drink. meanwhile the gang is getting into increasingly stupid and dangerous schemes because the voice of reason prefers not being shit on. almost like how a real person would react to being forced into that position. huh.

charlie and mac r sort of make up one; they’re the gang (ik ik) they’re dennis’ gang. the chandler and the other one. the “leading mans” sidekicks who are happy to go along with whatever plan, happy to let him get the girl, happy to remind him of how perfect he is when he’s down. (which obviously mac and charlie are NOT happy about ANY of that and HATE that dennis treats them like they are.) It’s also maybe important to note that usually the “leader” of the group is the one who brought the three friends together. dennis just crashed mac and charlie’s twosome one day and never left. mac and charlie support dennis but only out of annoyance or in macs case sometimes something deeper. either way, it’s out of trope. really they shouldn’t be able to function without dennis telling them how to. but at this point it seems like they’re better off without him around.

but charlie is also his own trope. Cause the thing is…charlie works as a lovable goofball, the slob with a heart of gold, socially awkward sure but deep down he wouldn’t hurt a fly. except. he would hurt a fly. he is a self-proclaimed “rat-basher”, hes the only character to explicitly say the n word, he stalks and assaults the waitress (her trope is p obvious. perfect girl that the loser drools over, she rejects him.) to the point of her actually breaking and agreeing to HAVE HIS KID (need a whole new post abt those beans jfc)

NOW. i ask you…what usually happens in tv shows with the charlie/waitress dynamic? typically i’d say that throughout the course of the show the audience realizes that the supposed “perfect girl” is actually a bitch and that it’s actually the unassuming, more natural looking, lead girl who should get together with the charlie character. depending on the show, maybe she’s the girl who’s been helping him chase his supposed dream girl. or she’s the girl who is, up until the big reveal, his lesbian-coded best friend who is SICK of hearing about this girl. or maybe shes just always been there, but he’s never considered her because they’ve been friends for so long, they’ve known each other since they were kids, maybe she isnt even on the table and she’s dating his friend, or she was dating his friend, or maybe…because she’s the sister of his friend. his friends TWIN sister. see where i’m going with this? it’s dee. dee and charlie are the b couple. the dwight and angela. they’re the obvious couple.maybe you didn’t see it at first but once it’s suggested you can’t unsee it. and when they DO get together. it’s like they always were. they’re the caring, devoted, consistent couple that the audience can lean on when things get messy in the other characters relationships. and yet. dee and charlie already DID get together. and apparently they hated it. hated it so much that charlie (the poor guy trope) wanted to stop and dee (girl next door trope) FORCES him to finish. not to mention neither of them seem all that interested in a caring consistent relationship. at least not with each other. why would they be?

and what would a B couple be without an A couple? but how do you even go about satirizing an A couple? they’re meant to stay in a “will they won’t they” for at least five seasons, and when they inevitably do get together it’s full of cheating and lying and breaks. cause thats what makes an A couple interesting to watch. they’re “meant to be” and yet still have to work through the issues that all relationships face. and if it’s a sitcom this is usually funny because all the audience and characters have ever wanted was for the A couple to be official, but now that they are there’s somehow even MORE conflict within the show. sound like anyone? macdennis. but dennis (leading man) wasn’t prepared for a SECOND leading MAN. no one ever told him he was going to be expected to share the limelight. he assumed he’d meet his girl and he would know and so would she and then she’d happily stand behind him forever. not next to him. she certainly wouldn’t ever try and step IN FRONT OF DENNIS. like mac does. now remember that none of the characters, except possibly dee, know that they are filling out a trope. but dennis is the golden god. of course he knows. and that is why he is or was or whatever actively ensuring that he and mac would never be together in a way that could potentially over shadow denniss “guaranteed” leading lady, and more importantly dennis. and even more important. leading men. are not. and have never. been gay. (debatable but i digress)

so a couple b couple who cares? i cares. cause taylor swift doesn’t rape the guy at the end of “You Belong With Me”. b couples exist as a more palatable A couple. meant to be without the drama. so this is extremely out of trope for chardee. yk what ELSE is out of trope? macs coming out. yeah we’ve all touched on how fucked that must’ve felt from dens pov but here’s the thing. by coming out, mac was able to confirm that the A couple, in fact, WILL. and most likely already HAVE. but he did this alone. he and dennis didn’t come out together, mac doesn’t think about dennis at all in find his pride, mac being gay is his. and that leaves dennis with…the knowledge that he and mac ARE the A couple. not only that, but apparently mac can satisfy that trope all by himself. macs outness is obnoxious. it’s like he’s bragging about it. showing it off. it’s how everything was, but. worse. he doesn’t even need anyone to do the annoying A couple stuff, the parade around, the delusion that no one could have possibly known. he doesn’t need dennis. but it’s pretty clear that at least some part of mac still WANTS dennis. and was expecting dennis to too. but that’s not real life. imagine you’re in a “will they won’t they” for DECADES and then, out of nowhere, ur partner says “yeah no we will.” and everyone believes them. they don’t even need to spare a glance at you because they’ve always kinda known and now thanks to “your other half” they always will know for sure. no matter what you do. now there’s an expectation.

and (full circle u guys) dennis’ trope doesn’t usually call for meeting expectations. he’s attractive and charming, he’s supposed to be able to coast until he looks up and realizes he gs everything he ever wanted. but now he’s 44. and he has everything he never wanted. his abusive (not)father is best friends and the father of? HIS highschool best friend, his other best friend is an asshole who is somehow an asshole abt: being gay, dennis being gay, being gay for dennis, dennis not validating that when he expected him to. and his sister, who has been firmly planted against him since they were kids. hes starving and he’s a legit alcoholic, the gross kind, and all he’s ever done is get a diagnosis that makes his friends treat him weird and abandon his son who is named after a stranger to everyone. and i’ll prolly make a king post abt it but dennis has been showing subtle signs of edging towards (another) extreme breaking point and idk what it’s abt (fingers crossed mac uwu ihatemyself )but i’m just saying that dennis’ mentality has kind of always directed the group in a direct way (whether dynamics, psyche, finances, lives, time, etc) so that’s innerestin

and so now i say the most cracked out part of the post. this theory is giving me untapped amounts of hope that the only way the show can end is with the gang finally settling and finding happiness or they all commit group suicide. and idk abt u but those are the only two endings i’m interested in seeing.

#this is illegible #mostly chardee macdennis brain rot #i anyone wants i can repost this in like a coherent way #i don’t want u to know me like that but script analysis is kinda my forte and despite what it looks like i’m really good at explaining #this just isn’t explaining so much as #me thinking out loud #also ik i didn’t give mac his own trope i haven’t thought about it a lot but i’m sure i could find one for him #frank too #i excluded frank #cause i’m going off of like season one?? if that makes sense? like day one stuff but maybe i’ll think abt frank later #skornk #dennis reynolds #iasip #it's always sunny in philadelphia #dee #macden #chardee #charlie kelly #dee reynolds #mac mcdonald #someone tell me how to make it so it doesn’t show up so long like so it’s underneath and i’ll do that #sorry

[themadlostgirl]

A Lost Girl

*Finally back and I got platonic/lesbian prompts! Let’s do this!*

Prompt: Reader comes out to Peter

~~~

There are no girls on Neverland.

There is only one. One solitary Lost Girl. Me.

It was hard at first, coming to Neverland and being indoctrinated into the life of a Lost One. The boys were only used to other boys on the island so when Peter Pan showed up one day with me it was a bit of a shock to the others. It took some time and few lumps and bruises but I eventually became accepted as one of the boys.

Yet they always seem surprised by how well we get along and how alike we are. If only they knew.

You see, on Neverland there isn’t much need for things like romance or love. Who would want to bring that kind of mess into a place meant for fun and youth and reckless abandon? As it turns out a few people. It did not escape my notice that being the only girl on the island I was made the target of some of the older boys imaginative private scenarios. It was uncomfortable to say the least.

I had respect for those that tried to actually make something of it. Their ideas of wooing and flirting were juvenile but well meaning. Even if I always had to turn them down there was no malice.

One of my favorite people to hang out with was Peter. Unlike the other boys he never bothered with any of that flirting crap. We became good friends and I trusted him like a brother. Trusted him so much that I decided to confide in him the one secret I had.

“Hey Pete,” I kicked his foot with mine, “Can we take a walk? I need to talk to you about something.”

“Sure,” Peter shrugged and helped me up off the ground. We trailed deeper into the jungle where no curious eyes or ears followed.

My heart was hammering hard in my chest as I tried to think of the best way to approach this subject. It didn’t seem right to just blurt it out. Then again Peter didn’t appreciate people beating around the bush.

“What did you need to tell me?” Peter asked, stopping on the trail.

“Right, well...um…” I started picking at the dirt under my fingernails, “There’s something that I’ve been keeping secret that I feel the need to tell you.”

“Okay…” Peter looked at me with guarded curiosity. “Is this something I’m going to get angry about?”

“God I hope not,” I hadn’t even thought of if this would anger him somehow. I see no reason why it would but then again I have no way of predicting how he may react. “It’s just hard for me to talk about cause I’ve never told anyone this before.”

“So it’s a secret then,”

“Yes. A very big secret that I don’t think I can keep to myself anymore.” I clutched my hands close to my stomach, “Lately it’s been getting worse and I feel like if I don’t say it now then I may never and I can’t do that. I don’t know how it may change things between us but I’d rather tell you and be disappointed then keep it to myself and suffer.”

“Oh wow, alright,” Peter ran a hand through his hair, a nervous habit of his that I picked up on, “This is really happening then, huh? I guess it was only a matter of time.”

“Wait, do you know?” I asked him.

“I mean I’ve had my suspicions for a while. I wasn’t sure if it was just me thinking that or if it was really true. Seeing as how you took the time to drag me out here away from any listening ears then I’m gonna guess it’s true.”

“And is that okay?” I hadn’t thought that I did anything that made it that obvious. 

“I think so, I suppose I’m glad that if it was anybody it was you. Not that I think I would say yes to anyone else on the island anyway.”

“What?”

“I think it has a lot to do with the fact that you are one of my closest friends. You know me very well and given how much we hang around one another this was bound to happen. I’m willing to give it a shot if you are but no hard feelings if it doesn’t work out, right?”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Peter wasn’t making any sort of sense. 

“I just want to make sure that if this thing between us doesn’t work out that we’ll remain friends afterwards.”

“What thing? What--what do you think I’m talking about?”

Peter was silent for a moment, clearly taken aback by my outburst. “Are we--are we not talking about you secretly being in love with me and wanting to try having a relationship?”

“No! Where in this conversation did you get that from?”

“You were talking about a secret!”

“And you thought that the secret was that I was in love with you?”

“I thought it the most logical outcome considering how much time we spend together and the fact that you have rejected every other boy that’s made a move on you. I figured you were enamored with me and were waiting for the right time to confess.” Peter’s face was bright red. I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen him lose his composure this badly.

“Oh my god, does it hurt having that big of a head? Seriously. I need to know. You really thought that all this time I’ve been pining after your unwashed, hairy footed, ego-so-big-it-takes-up-an-entire-realm ass?”

“Unwashed? Excuse you, Lost Girl, but I bathe far more frequently than most of the boys on this island.”

“That’s what you took away from that?” I shouted.

“Alright, so if you’re not in love with me then what is this big secret?” he shouted back.

“I’m gay you moron!”

He blinked. “Say what?”

“Gay. A lesbian. Meaning that there is no way that I would fall in love with you because I am strictly attracted to girls. That is the reason I always reject all the boys that confess to me. It’s not because I harbor some deep unspoken love for you, it’s because they are, as well as you are, boys. Do you understand?”

“Yes.” Peter nodded, “I feel like a bit of an idiot right now.”

“As well you should.”

We stood in awkward silence for a bit. Peter was pacing around the trail muttering to himself.

“So…” he turned back towards me, “You are attracted to girls and you are not in love with me in any way shape or form?”

“That is correct.”

“That’s actually kind of a relief. Not to make you feel bad or anything but I don’t think we would be good together.”

“Rude. You know that if we could be a couple we would be unstoppable.”

“You’re right. Best for the rest of the realms that we are not though. I don’t think they’d survive.”

“Certainly not.” I chuckled dryly. I had envisioned this conversation going a multitude of ways but I’m glad it turned out like this. Now I even have something to blackmail Peter with.

“Why did you never say anything before?” Peter asked, earnestly, “It doesn’t matter to me who you’re attracted to and I doubt any of the Lost Boys would care.”

I toed the dirt at my feet. My hands were balled into fists at my side as I recounted what I feared above all else. “I guess it’s because I came from a realm where it wasn’t okay to be gay. In some regions it was even punishable by death. When my parents found out they kicked me out of our home and refused to let me back in unless I took it back. I refused and it wasn’t long after that you showed up and brought me here.”

Peter cracked a small sympathetic smile, “No wonder you were so eager to run off with me,”

“I certainly didn’t join you based off your personality,” I joked. I reached for Peter’s hand. “But it does mean a lot to me that you’re okay with it.”

“You are who you are, you shouldn’t have to apologize for it.” Peter squeezed my hand once before dropping it. “Now, shall we return to camp?”

“Yeah,” I started following him back towards camp.

“One more thing, Lost Girl,” Peter said, “Can you not let any of the others know that I thought you were in love with me. It would ruin my reputation.”

“You got it, chief,” I reached up to ruffle his hair. “So long as you don’t tell anyone what I told you. I’ll tell the others in time but for right now I don’t want anyone else to know.”

“Of course,” Peter dug his hands into his pockets. “So does this mean that if I was a girl then you would--”

“Shut up!” I slapped his arm with a laugh.

#peter pan ouat #ouat peter pan #ouat #neverland #peter pan imagine #lesbian reader #platonic pairing

[mandareeboo]

ok now im curious what your most petty thing is (regarding the dp post)

Oooh boy, here we go! Buckle up fuckers this is gonna be a longer one.

My senior year of high school, I took a creative writing class. Partially because I needed to fill the slot, mostly because I wanted to improve my writing (spoiler: I did not). Now, my high school was a three floor building- first was mostly gym, second was general, and the third was senior lockers and art classes. I spent a good chunk of my schedule senior year on the second and third floor, going between an art class to my earth science (I took that one entirely as filler, but also bc I like science) to my locker and so on.

Creative writing? Creative writing was in the fucking basement. Go to the first floor, go to a corner generally used for health and development classes, to another corner, follow a ramp and some stairs, and boom there it is kind of basement. (Side note but this teacher was REALLY into attendance and would get you in trouble if you were late which was really annoying since basically no other class was in that part of the building).

My creative writing teacher wasn't bad, per se. I've had worse teachers. I had an algebra teacher who delighted in making freshman girls cry and mocking them for it. I had a journalism teacher who would use her class time reporting how Hilary was secretly ill during the election. I had a history teacher say trans people weren't real to an openly gender nonconforming student (I didn't know them well enough to ask for specifics on their alignment, but they were using they/them at that point) and set up assignments just to mock students on the take they were told to make. It was more that she was uncreative and took it out on the kids doing creative writing.

She gave us two books to read. Basically “how I write” by published authors. I don’t remember the first one well enough and I donated it ages ago, but the second was Stephen King’s “On Writing”. It was 3/4′s personal stories about his life and 1/4′s “also write a bit every day”.  I mostly remember the first author bc she had those fake dreadlocks white people do when they destroy their hair and she gleefully told a story about making her son have a meltdown at a party or wedding or something bc he got overwhelmed and she wanted him to learn that “sometimes you don’t get what you want”. So. You know. Not much there.

She also instructed us to write in a journal every day, which she would check every few months or so. It had to be at least half a page. She would leave little comments in every one else’s journals when she checked them, but not mine- I realized pretty quickly she was a bit uncomfortable with LGBT+ content, so I made it my mission to make every journal drabble as gay as possible bc I was bored and she couldn’t mark them WRONG when she just stated we needed to write.

But it doesn’t end there! Through the entire class, we got exactly five writing projects. Stories that follow very specific guidelines that we would then read in front of the class, group proofread, and then have the teacher give final grades for. These things were approximately like a thousand words a piece, and I was writing out my 10,000 word “It Starts off Small” story in class when I got bored, so it wasn’t difficult. 

Our first project was a character going through a difficult decision. Or... something? I honestly forget the criteria. Anyway, I was HYPE. I’d had this idea for a long time now a human choosing between peaceful death or reincarnation, and this gave me the push to write it! I had a whole thing planned with death being a deer and reincarnation being a wolpertinger (bc reincarnation leads to many possibilities, ed boy, so a Frankenstein bunny made sense to me). Anyway I poured my heart and soul into this bastard and, bright eyed and bushy tailed, handed it in. My classmates all thought it was pretty good. Not to toot m’own horn, but there was some pretty bad ones going in, so I thought I’d get a solid B or something.

I got a D. I guess the struggle was too metaphorical, or it didn’t perfectly fit her criteria. I was devastated. Then I was mad. Bc I was a bored senior who thought they’d made something pretty decent for this completely optional class and her refusal to see that really hurt me at sixteen (I was always a year younger than my other classmates, so despite being a senior I didn’t turn eighteen until almost a year after graduation)

Well, fuck it, I decided. I’m going to parody the shit out of this class.

Our next project was a fantasy story. I was bitter and grumpy. The other fantasy stories read aloud were stuff like “yeah this dude fought a wizard and got a girl, then they went home and banged” (this was not hyperbole, he would’ve written and read the smut if allowed, I knew him personally) and “this girl that NO ONE UNDERSTOOD was called CRAZY but this S@!$ cheerleader who Stole Her Boyfriend so she killed them all” (fun fact: the girl who wrote that was my age and a sort of half-friend from middle school. She was a yaoi fangirl who didn’t mind lesbians as long as they, you know, didn’t FLIRT with her or something.) 

So I get up there. It’s the last day of presentations. And I present with a polite cheer. My story is about two magical shepherd type figures who are called Sister Brighten and Brother Dick as they chase down a werewolf who was drunk off his ass and accidentally bit someone else. They then revealed they were basically supernatural designated drivers for the whole town. I made Brighten mention that Dick’s name wasn’t even Richard. I titled it “His Favorite Brand is Grayhound”. It fit every single criteria. I got an A. I could tell she didn’t want to, because there was no comments or anything like everyone else’s, but she had to follow her own criteria.

Our third was a conjoined effort thing so I didn’t pull any fuckery there, but the fourth one was about common myths and spinning them into real or fake. One girl did the hook-handed door handle thing and the boyfriend ended up above his truck hanging (somehow???). I think someone did the age-old adage of a haunted wedding dress? I kind of read through those presentations. 

Now, I’m salty-salty at this point. I wasn’t expecting His Favorite Brand is Grayhound to get me a good grade. I half-assed a lot of it. I am in full Not Happy Teenager at this point. I grab a daddy long leg and settle in.

My fourth story of the year is “Paperskin.”

Paperskin is about a boy named Billy with the thinnest skin membrane ever. Just full on body horror. You could see his teeth behind his lips. Billy gets bored one day and wanders out of his house, tries to kick a soccer ball, and breaks a leg. As he’s laying in the grass a daddy long leg bites him- and his skin is so flimsy the fangs sink in and he dies. I’m actually still pretty proud of Paperskin. It’s a horrifying, Edgar Allen Poe of a monstrosity, but it made people squirm, which was the point. The teacher is clearly a bit unnerved at this point, but she gives me another A. 

I wrote a more “normal” story after that of a contentious objector forced to house kids going to see if any confirmed soldier deaths were any of their parents as my final one and I could feel her spite as she gave me a B.

So, yeah. That’s the story of when I tormented my creative writing teacher with The Gays and my weird ass sense of humor after she called one of my best works at that age a piece of shit.

 Here’s a google drive of these bad boys, because yes I do still have these things. I turned these fuckers in for grades, people.

#Ask #Anon #Question Mandar #Life #Humor #Writing #I was a good kid I swear #I didn't make much noise and I didn't argue much #It was just this one lady

[kining-the-evil]

Coming out

Ransom Drysdale x daughter!reader lesbian!reader

Summary: Jacob finds out your gay, and decides to spill it to the whole family at dinner.

Warning ⚠️: Please be aware that this contains forced coming out, and the use of the F slur. I monetize it, and blurb the word so it’s not technically there but it’s obvious what the word was. IF THIS TRIGGERS YOU PLEASE DONT READ!!!

———————————————————————

"How about we go to an early diner, then the 5 o'clock showing?" Lily offered. I was laying on my bed while on the phone.

"That should work, you know I'm always free."

"Will your dad know where you are?" She asked making me role my eyes.

"I'll tell him I'm meeting some friends." My dad was hardly ever home with me anyways.

"You know at some point you will have to tell him right?" She asked making me sigh. I could not for the life of me figure out how he would react if I came out to him. He was an asshole, and certain parts of the family definitely would not support, but at the same time we hardly ever stuck around for the political argument.

"I will, but I've told you about my family. I just want to wait until I have a backup plan. We graduate in a year anyways. Then I'll take you far far away and treat you like a queen." I explained, thinking about what our life could be after high school.

"You already treat me like one." She chuckled. "And you know I will support you with whenever you decide to."

"I'm gonna go let my dad know I'm leaving then I'll be over to pick you up. Sound good?" She hummed in agreement and we both said goodbye before hanging up. I pulled some shoes on, and made sure I looked presentable before heading downstairs. I could hear my dad moving around in the kitchen as I pulled in a light sweater.

"Dad, I'm hanging out with some friends tonight." I called out walking towards the door.

"No your not!" He called back making me freeze. I turned around to see him standing in the doorway, leaning against it.

"Why?"

"Family dinner tonight." He explained making me role my eyes.

"Do I really have to go? The only people I talk to are you and great grandpa, and I see you both all the time."

"Don't be dramatic. I'm sure you talk to the rest of them." He said rolling his eyes.

"Oh really? Grandma and grandpa barely tolerate me, Donna, Walt, and Jacob hate me, Joni does that weird mix of trying to be a mother figure and guilt tripping me, and Meg hates me for the simple fact of being your daughter. The only other person who's sort of ok is Marta, but she doesn't work tonight." I counted each person on my fingers as I spoke making him chuckle and shake his head.

"You know there will be a fight and we will leave early, and nothing is happening tomorrow. Just go out with your friends after diner." He explained, waving his hand as though say that's the end of it.

I sighed but pulled my phone out send a text to Lily letting her know what happened. She agreed to meet me latter tonight, saying that there is a latter showing of the movie we want to see.

———————

"The favorite great grandchild is here!" I called out as we walked into the house. I could hear a few groans from the other room, and as I pulled my jacket off some walked over to greet us.

"Nice to see you Ransom." My great grandfather said greeting my dad. "And hello dear!" He said walking over to me, giving me a side hug. "We gonna play a game of Go later?"

"Only if you want to be beat old man."

"Oh! We will see about that!" He said chuckling as we made our way towards the main room. I could hear people arguing, so my dad must be in there already.

No one paid me any attention as I sat down next to my dad. Meg was practically screaming at my dad while he just sat there smirking.

"Meg, please sit down, Ransom, do you really need to start this already?" My grandmother finally said, trying to calm everyone.

"I didn't do anything! Just sat down." My dad claimed throwing his arms up. I chuckled at all the commotion, knowing damn well that my dad had said something to piss Meg off.

"What are you laughing at f&$#*" I felt everyone in the room freeze when they heard that. I turned my head slowly to the side to see Jacob looking up at me.

"W-what?" I whispered, still in shock of what happened.

"You heard exactly what is said. I asked what you were laughing at f&$#*" He stated.

"Jacob what the hell?!" Meg asked, all her anger from a moment pointed at him now.

"What?! It's true, I saw her kissing some girl at the park the other day."

"Come on." My dad mumbled grabbing me by the arm and pulling me to my feet.

"Ransom just wait a moment, give Jacob a chance to explain himself. I'm sure-"

"Walt, if I 'give him a mom to explain himself' I will end up punching a child." He snapped turning to look at Walt.

"I mean, give him the benefit of the doubt. She shouldn't hide stuff like that, and F&$-"

"If you say, that GOD DAMN WORD ABOUT MY DAUGHTER AGAIN YOU WILL REGRET IT!" He yelled stepping closer to Walt. "And wether she's gay or not, it's non of your fucking business. She's 17, almost an adult, and can make her own decisions. Also, if she likes girls, I get it. I like pussy to. Now we are gonna leave, and if I find out you, your wife, or your son try to contact her, you will be sorry." He took a step away from Walt so he could look at the rest of them. "If any of you contact her before she's ready, you will be sorry."

Once he was done he stormed off towards the door and I followed behind. He only stoped to let me put my jacket on, and as I did my great grandfather squeezed my shoulder a bit. "Have a good night dear." He whispered before going back to the rest of the family.

The car ride home was silent, and I had chosen to sit in the back so I wouldn't have to look my dad in the face. His hands were tightly gripping the steering wheel, and he was driving significantly over the speed limit. Once him he didn't say a word to me or wait for me before heading inside. I stayed in the car for a moment, laying my head on the seat in front of me. Why, out of everyone did it have to be Jacob who saw me with Lily?

After almost 10 minutes I made my way into the house. Sad was sitting on the couch, and I tried to sneak past him but he heard me anyways. "Y/n, come here please." He said the moment my foot touched one of the stairs.

Silently I made my way over to the couch, and sat down. Nether of us spoke for a few moments.

"Was Jacob telling the truth?" He asked finally looking over at me. I felt like I was going to die right then and there, I didn't want to tell him, but I couldn't lie at this point ether.

"Ya, he was." I whispered.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Yep,"

"That's who you've been hanging out with?"

"Ya."

"How long have you known?"

"I don't know." I sighed, getting a bit irritated. “Some time in middle school maybe.” He was silent for a few minutes, witch just caused my anxiety to worsen.

“You know I cried when I first held you.” I looked over at him surprised, I had never seen him cry. “I was 16 and Terrified, your mother planed to move away within days after you were born. I was so scared I wouldn’t be a good dad, that I would fuck you up. But t he moment I held you in my arms I knew i loved more then every member of our fucked up family combined.” He pauses for a second, reaching up to wipe away the tear that had somehow escaped.

“I’m sorry that Jacob did that. I plan to try and talk with Walt and Donna, he had no right to act like that.”

“Don’t, you know it will only lead to more drama.” I said. “So your not mad I didn’t tell you?”

“Of course not, that was your choice on when that was supposed to come out.” He explained, wrapping an arm around me. “Now, was that friend you were going to hang out with the girl?”

I smiled a bit, glad to know he really didn’t seem to care. “Ya, we were gonna see a movie.”

“Your welcome to go now, I’m sure being with her is a bit more relaxing then being with me.” He smiled a bit before standing up. My dad was almost never soft like that, and decided to do my best to remember that smile.

“Thank you so much.” I said, a real smile on my face.

“You’ll have to bring her around some time. Don’t think she won’t still get the talk like with any boys you would have brought home. What’s her name anyways?”

“Lily.” I said pulling my phone out to send her a quick message.

“Wait your friend lily? The one that you stay over at her house all the time?”

“I’ve got to go dad, I’ll let you know when I’m home.” I said running out the door. I could here him telling for me but I just chuckled as I drove away. I guess I won’t be having anymore ‘sleep overs’ with Lily.

#fanfic #knives out #ransom drysdale #ransom thrombey x reader #ransom Drysdale x daughter!reader #Gay daughter #lesbian reader #fluff #angst

[what-i-call-men]

Together at last

Winter Anderson x female! Reader

Request: nope!

Warnings: a lot of cult talk, homophobia from Kai, minor drug use (marijuana), mentioned cheating (for the sake of the cult) and SMUT at the end with Winter.

Picture from @copy-of-a-cheeto

Proof reading by @divineruler

You had met Winter in college. You two had been roommates and quickly spent all your time together, soon starting to date. You had come from a pretty accepting place, whereas Winter was not in the same boat as you. When you two first started dating, you chose to keep it off social media and keep it to yourself because her brother and parents were pretty crazy. When she went back home for breaks you stayed at school or went to your own family. There were even a few years she came to your family's house for holidays.

After the two of you graduated, she opted to move back home with her family, which you ended up moving only a few minutes away in a small apartment. You loved being around Winter too much to just move away from her, so instead you put your English Literature degree to work here. You got to see her every couple days, usually walking around the town or finding some restaurant to sit in together. The two of you were quite a pair, her the dark but more feminine one where as you wore lighter colors but were more into masculine clothes, being taller than her and only accentuating that with big shoes or how you carried yourself in general.

When Winter was finally comfortable, she invited you to her family home for a sleepover about a month into you two staying there. She told you that she'd keep it under the ruse that you were her best friend and roommate from college but nothing more. You agreed, feeling it'd be best for Winter to be safe over however you felt. It had definitely been a bit harder for her to want to invite you especially after seeing how her brother reacted to the election. But when she finally said it'd be safe to have you over, you left your house quickly. Pulling up to the house, you had tried your best to dress as straight as possible, wearing a pair of leggings and a baggy pink shirt just to be on the safe side.

You barely made it to the door before it was opened by a man with long dark blue hair and a judgmental stare. He was about the same height as you if you were to stand up straight and if you had anything other than converse on for shoes you'd probably tower over him. Yet something told you not to try to intimidate him back, this was Winter's brother that you had to impress. "Hey, I'm here to see Winter. I'm y/n." You said and stuck your hand out to shake his. He didn't shake your back but instead a hand grabbed yours from behind him, one you instantly recognized as your girlfriend. "Kai let her in, this is my friend and I'd prefer you left her and I alone." Winter nudged him to the side with her hip as you walked past him into the house.

After spending some time in her room, smoking, listening to some music, and eventually making out after ordering some pizza delivery. You had remembered her locking the door behind you two because she had made a point of it, but when she moved on top of you, you opened your eyes to look at her and saw the door cracked open and a mop of blue hair through the doorway. Your eyes widened and Winter turned around to see her brother. "Winter, your pizza is here." He only said that before retreating back down the stairs and to what you assumed was the basement Winter has mentioned.

After getting some slices and eventually smoking away some more of Winter's stress about her brother, you offered to get you two some drinks which she agreed and you went downstairs by yourself. As you were filling the cups, you heard the door close to the basement. You glanced over and saw Kai standing against the counter. "So you’re the lesbo my sister is dating? You know she really isn't gay and she's just faking it." He said, very obviously trying to upset you and provoke you. You pursed your lips.

"First off I'm not a lesbian, I'm bisexual. Second off, faking it? You mean all the girls that you fuck... oh wait Winter told me you're an incel who gets off to girls feet on the internet." You said and straightened your back a bit, now leaning a bit over his slouching frame. Honestly he wasn't bad looking and the way he stared at you with hate but some underlying impression, wow you must really just like the Anderson's. Now you just had to see Winter's oldest brother to see if looks just ran in the family.

"Winter said she can't fucking stand you and that you really needs a proper boyfriend to show you that you like dick over whatever is in your pants." Kai said and crossed his arms, obviously getting a bit more upset that you weren't taking any of his insults to heart, but somehow he resulted in just kinda flirting... or maybe that was supposed to be threatening.

"Oh what's in my pants? You mean your sister? Now run along little man, don't pick fights you won't win." You said and rolled your eyes before walking up the stairs to Winter's room, telling her little to none of what happened downstairs. She obviously would be upset by it if she knew what you said and what her brother said. It was a normal night otherwise. You went home the next morning, not really expecting to see Winter so soon again when she texted you a few hours later and said Kai wanted you to come over.

This time you wore a normal outfit and didn't try to look "straight". When you go to the house, Winter silently opened the door and nodded to you to walk towards the basement. "He wants to talk to you. Don't fight with him please." She whispered as you got to the open door. You walked down the stairs and saw her brother sitting at a table with two chairs. "What am I gonna get interrogated?" You asked as you sat down in the chair across from him.

"No. I like your strength. I think you and I could help each other out." He said and crossed his arms. "Y/n I know you like my sister, and I know in this town there's not many accepting people... of relationships like yours." Kai said and leaned to the table and extended his pinky. You couldn't help but chuckle a bit at the fact that he was the one you were worried about, not others. "I want you to take my pinky." He said and you hesitated, but he quickly raised his voice and stated "do it." And you did.

He asked you all sorts of questions, and you chose to be honest because quite frankly you were just an honest person. He asked about what you fear. Hurting Winter. He asked what made you like his sister. Easy, everything but more specifically how hot she was in bed, also how fun it was to sneak around with each other in college. He asked what made you realize it wasn't just women you liked. Another easy one, your boyfriend right before Winter was really good in bed. After Kai unlocked his pinky from yours you furrowed your brows. "So why do you think I can 'help you'." You asked.

"I think you'd be able to benefit from helping me. You help me run for city council, write my speeches and make sure I sound well spoken. In return I promise you and Winter safety and a life together." He said and crossed his arms. As much as you wanted to laugh in his face at the idea of him on city council, you bit your tongue. "What is it that you can do to keep us safe? If she didn't move back into this house she would be living with me safely in somewhere like West Hollywood." You said and furrowed your brows at him.

"Well I heard that your poor innocent girlfriend has had some things to do with the few people around here that have been murdered... and I'd hate for my poor sister or her... accomplice to be tipped off to the police." This was the first you'd heard about this... but somehow with Kai being the way he was you didn't doubt what he said and the validity behind it. "So, we make a deal, you write my speeches and you and Winter stay here safely." You had no choice but to agree.

A few weeks into this situation, you had barely spent any time with Winter other than at Kai's meetings. Instead you were tasked with getting close to Ally and keeping her under wraps. You also had to convince her that separating from Ollie and Ivy was a good idea for her. Although you were fully aware of Winter doing the same to Ivy, something felt so wrong when Ally became a bit more than emotionally attached. After Ally had made a move on you, and you just accepted it, you snuck back to the Anderson house and immediately shook off the gross feeling as soon as you walked inside.

Kai sat at the dining room table and winter was probably with Ivy and Ollie somewhere. "How'd it go?" Kai asked as he ate off of the plate he had before him. "I feel disgusting. She is so not my type and I need to go wash her off." You muttered and slid your jacket off. "How about we go down stairs and you tell me about it?" Kai offered and you really had no choice but to agree, if you didn't you were scared he'd become upset at you.

This loyalty and willingness to sleep your way through your jobs, and with Kai if he so pleased, got you a lot of attention from him. Really all you wanted was to get back to Winter, but you had to do so with Kai's permission. When you had finally been given a night to be with Winter alone, you two found yourselves making out in her bedroom. Your hands slid up under her shirt as she kicked off her shoes from the day. You lifted her shirt up and began to work on her bra as she undid your jeans.

After you were both down to your underwear, you lifted her up into your arms and gently laid her on the bed, crawling on top of her. As you kissed your girlfriend deeply, you couldn't help but feel so excited to finally have her in your arms again. You slowly began your descent down her neck and chest. You paused to remove her bra and leave a few kisses along her breasts. You always loved how responsive Winter was, especially when you two had paper thin walls to the dorm beside you and you'd have them knocking on your door to shut up or angry notes to stop 'having boys over'.

When you finally made your way to her core, you slid off her panties as you knelt on the ground beside the bed, booking your arms around her thighs and upping her to the edge. Delving in, you could've sworn Winter almost passed out. You two were very open with each other about everything you'd done for the cult, including who you had been forced to sleep with. Ally, Kai, and a few of the henchmen weren't as good as Winter and lord knows Ivy couldn't satisfy Winter like you did. Which is why Winter's legs were shaking so quickly then soon clenching around your head as she came on your tongue.

Getting back on top of her, she whispered something against your shoulder. "What's up babe?" You asked softly and turned a bit so you could barely hear her ask for you to sit on her face. You gladly agreed, standing off the bed to pull off your own bra and underwear, she sat up and leaned forward to gently grab and lick your nipples, giving small punches and kisses as you removed your underwear. God she was so gentle yet confident, she was so perfect. Even more perfect when you finally were positioned above her face and she dove in.

Her tongue worked wonders on your clit as she slid off the rings from her fingers before sliding the newly bare fingers into your dripping core. You held yourself above her, gently letting your hands roam down her cunt, gently rubbing her clit while you rolled your hips against her tongue. Within a few moments you were on the edge of cumming and winter worked you over the edge. You felt so good to finally have a welcomed orgasm. "I wanna fuck you." She whispered up at you as you came down from your high and you smiled at her a bit. She slid out from under you and ran to her closet as you laid back on her bed.

After a few moments of struggling she pulled the straps of the strapon onto herself. No one would guess you were a bottom to her if they saw you on the street together, but somehow if just worked for you two. She climbed back on the bed as she slid the dildo into place on her belt, turning on the bullet that sat on the inside for herself. Leaning down, winter sucked one of your nipples gently into her mouth as she ran her fingers gently against your clit, rubbing it as she slid the dick into you slowly. You groaned out softly as she made her way up to your lips, kissing you deeply as she began thrusting into you.

With her thrusts and rubbing your clit, and her the vibrations on herself, both of you were quickly close to the edge. Her moans were getting higher and more whiny, you reaching up and gently playing with her breasts. As she leaned over you to speed up her thrusts, you took a nipple into your own mouth, licking and sucking gently, her own thrusts becoming sloppy. "Fuck... babe... fuck I'm close baby." She mined out and you nodded up at her, letting her know you were too. After just a few more thrusts and rubbing a bit harder against your clit, you two were both topping over the edge, letting out a long moan of your own as she whimpered against your neck.

After a couple seconds of breathing, she got up to remove everything from herself. You pulled her back down to the bed before you two could clean up. "I love you." You whispered to her quietly as you pulled her naked body against yours. She whispered her own back to you before taking a deep breath. "I wanna marry you." She whispered softly as your hand traveled up to cup her cheek. You two looked at each other in silence for a moment. "I want you to myself. I wanna run away and marry you and hide away from this stupid cult life. Please marry me." Winter whispered to you and you smiled at her softly. "If we can find a way out, I'd love to marry you." You said back and pulled her into a soft kiss, before hearing the door slam downstairs, basically saying your alone time was up and Kai was home.

#winter anderson #winter Anderson x reader #ahs cult #winter Anderson smut #American horror story cult #kai anderson

[thewistlingbadger]

Mixed Signals

Summary: Emily and Spencer are trying to see if Derek likes Spencer. Derek is trying to figure out if he's gay with the help from Penelope. The 4 of them come to the realization that they are NOT on the same page at a club, where Emily and Spencer make out to see if Derek will get jealous.

CW: Platonic Spencer/Emily, friends who kiss, Derek has bi panic, gender non-conforming Spencer Reid, intimate friendship, inappropriate language, kiss in the rain, miscommunication, love confessions, first kiss. Y'all asked for me to post the stuff i got in my notes so here ya go. Enjoy.

Okay. So Emily and Spencer definitely came to the club with something up their sleeve. Spencer had always kept quiet about his crush on Derek. After all, the year was 2008. Gay marriage wasn't legal and if you were out you could be called slurs, or worse. And in the workplace? You could be terminated. The only person he ever came close to telling was Elle, but then one moment she was here, the next, gone.

Emily tried her best to be shocked at the news. It takes one to know one, she told herself. But nevertheless she made sure that he knew she was a safe space and that all she cared about was his comfort. He ranted to her about gender dysphoria and wanting to tap into his feminity, but being too afraid to do so. He asked her if she thought Derek liked him back, and tonight, they would find out.

Everyone knew Emily Prentiss was a lesbian. She made it no secret, while also making sure you minded your own business. She read queer romance novels on the jet, there was a pride flag on her desk and if you asked her what was on her calendar, she would tell you next Wednesday she had a meeting with her local LGBTQ+ advocates and that there would be a march next month, if you wanted to come.

In the same breath, she had no problem kissing Reid. They both knew that there was nothing romantic about the them. Kissing just...helped them both I guess. When Spencer would come over because he was having nightmares, Emily would scoot over in bed and make room for him. When she would get up around noon, Spencer would wrap his arms around her and kiss the side of her head as she brushed her teeth. Or when she could tell he was getting overwhelmed, she'd pepper his face with kisses till he'd be calm again.

Most people said I love you in words but for them, they had heard those words growing up from the mouths that did not mean it. Their kisses were tangible, real. They said I love, care, and respect you without even needing to pronounce a syllable.

Everyday, Derek came crying for help in Peneople's corner. He had never considered being anything but straight but his pretty boy got him second guessing himself. Derek didn't have the luxury of being able to figure himself out while young. And now that he was an adult, an established FBI agent, he feared it was too late. Penelope was his shoulder to cry on, filling his ears with positive affirmations. Giving him flyers to queer support groups and telling him when pride would be rolling into town.

"What if I don't like men and I just like pretty boy? Do I even like him like that? What if I'm just overthinking it?" "Well then you'll find out tonight." Peneople said with a wink. She ordered another round as Spencer and Emily found their way to the booth.

Derek tried to act normal but he couldn't help but notice how smug the both of them. Like they were inside a joke, and Derek wasn't. It made something rise in Derek, he just didn't know what.

Spencer still couldn't piece it all together. The looks, the touchs, the names, they had to mean something. Despite contrary belief, he wasn't all that oblivious. He knew Derek had been flirting with him for years. But why? Derek was always pulling girls whenever they went out to places like this and he never had shown interest in men. So why would he like Reid? Although, thought of Spencer being the only male that Derek was attracted to made his heart flutter, he knew it was unrealistic.

"Hey. Wanna dance?" Emily said putting her hand on his shoulder. He smiled. She always knew how to do that, pull him out of thought. As he got up he started to think about all the things he loved about her. Her gentleness without making him feel babied, her understanding without having the ability to understand what he was going through, the way she knew things about him that he didn't tell her that only he knew.

Like how he didn't need to drink to be a good time. As their bodies pressed together and they moved to the RNB beat, they laughed at each other. "Don't forget the task at hand Spence." She teased. "What task? The task of finding you a girlfriend? Because let me tell you, she won't come if your hair is looking like that!" He started to run his fingers through her hair which just made her laugh more.

Derek was watching them have fun while he was downing his drink. "What's wrong Derek, this is your scene! This is where Derek Morgan is Derek Morgan. And let me tell you, Derek Morgan? He does NOT sit at the booth like a sad puppy when the love of his life is out there dancing! Something that is a rare sight for our eyes!" He sighed, taking another sip from the glass, but he stayed glued to the leather seat.

"C'mon Derek! Do something! If you're not gonna go after Reid go after another dude! Or a gal! Scout out the area, look for someone who seems worth while! There's only one single friend out of the 4 of us and right now it's looking like it's gonna be me because Emily is having a grand old time with Reid."

Glad to know he wasn't going crazy, he responded. "Yeah, speaking of which, since when are they so close? Like you said, we barely get to see Reid dance. Then all of a sudden he's taking Prentiss's hand and they're grinding it up on the dancefloor?" He couldn't leave the irritation of his voice.

"Jealous much?" She wiggled her eyebrows. He rolled his eyes. "Don't you think it's weird?" Now it was her turn to roll her eyes. Of course not dummy! If you haven't figured out what Emily Prentiss was by now, you probably never will! Ignoring her thoughts, she asked "well what do you think it is?" He stared at the pair, trying to get get ahold of what it all meant but he turned away, empty handed.

"Did you see that? He was staring at us for a long time..." Spencer said looking over Emily's shoulder. "Do you think it's working?" "I don't know...he looked upset...he's drinking right now. Mil, I don't want to do this if he's drunk..." Emily could hear the doubt stirring in him. She didn't want to push him but she had the feeling that this would be the only chance. She wouldn't get Spencer to agree with her on this again.

"Hey." She tilted his chin down toward her. "It's your call." She smiled. God, you just gotta love her, he thought. He smiled and went for it.

"Hey, they moved away from the dance floor. Where'd they go?" Derek said sitting up straight searching over the crowd of clubbers. "I don't know..." Penelope now getting concerned. She stood up and-

"oh my god-" "What?! Are they hurt?! What's going o-" his search for them was interrupted by Penelope's hands clutching the sides of his face and directing it to the right side of the room, were he could see Emily and Spencer making out.

They both just stood there, jaws on the floor. "I thought she didn't swing that way..." Penelope said, shocked to her core. "Reid?" Morgan said, not as if he was calling for him but as if he was surprised that Emily was kissing Spencer. Or was Spencer kissing her? Unlike the last time he was staring at them, he was now paying attention to every detail. The way Emily's tight long sleeve shirt left nothing to the imagination and how she was pulling Reid in by the inside of his pants, then feeling him up after. She smirked mischievously into his lips, as if it were just a game.

Reid on the other hand, looked like he was about to cum on sight. He was still playing with he hair like how he was on the dancefloor, but this time his eyes were screwed tight. He barely moved his mouth meaning that A, Prentiss was doing all the work and B, when he did move his mouth it was in the smallest way possible and by god did he look amazing. Holy shit, did he just see some tongue?! Oh fuck, Derek thought, the realization hitting him like a truck. I like both of them.

He continued to watch them. Spence's hair was getting in his face and Emily was too busy teasing him by thumbing the hem of his sweater vest to notice. Derek could tell how much it was bothering him but he also seemed so carefree, so trapped in the moment, the sensations. He moved his head back ever so slightly, as if to ask for more but her mouth never left his.

When they parted, Derek could swear he saw a string of saliva in between them. Damn. This is not what I expected would happen tonight. He thought maybe he'd see a beautiful girl or a handsome dude, giving him an answer he'd been craving; Gifting him the knowledge he had wanted this whole time. But that? Whatever the fuck he just saw? Left him with more questions than answers.

"Derek? Are you okay?" He snapped out of it and looked at Peneople who had a worried expression on her face. That's when he realized that she hadn't been ogling at them the whole time like how he was. "Did that answer your questions?" She tried to approach in a different way. "I uhh." No words could form. "Oh, he's having a gay panic moment-" "No it was definitely for both of them." he blurted without being able to stop himself.

Penelope spit the shot out of her mouth. "You like them BOTH?" "No I-" He was completely out of his element. He started racking his brain, trying to process what he just saw. Why was that so hot? If he had a crush on Reid (like he thought he had the whole time) then wouldn't seeing his boy being kissed make him freak out? But somehow, seeing Spencer being man handled by Emily made him speachless. An "ohhhh" from Penelope was what broke him out of thought. "Well, congratulations Derek. I think you just might like guys and girls."

"Holy shit" they laughed hysterically. Spencer was about to fall to the floor. "What was that?" Emily laughed. "I was trying to make it look believable!" "Yeah by acting like a slut? Okay." She went off in a giggling fit. "Well I think it worked." "No shit?" She asked, looking to the booth. Both Derek and Penelope were standing up. "Well I'll be damned. I don't think I've ever seen him that red." she smiled "holy shit. I did that?" "Hell yeah you did! go get 'im lover boy." He hugged her and thanked her for her help, then made his way back to the booth. He got intercepted by peneople on the way there.

"So. What the fuck was that?" Peneople shouted over the music. "Go ask Emily! I'm going to Morgan." What? "oH!" The pieces somewhat clicking into place. "Oh my god how did I not know!" She gave him a hug. He gave an uncomfortable chuckle "thanks Penelope. But I really gotta go-" "But! He likes you too!" Penelope called after him but Spencer was already too far away to hear. God damn the level of miscommunication that's going on right now! Annoyed at the circumstances, she walked off to Prentiss.

Spencer slid the booth, "Hey." Spencer said. He shifted uncomfortably. A few seconds ago he was having the time of his laughing with a friend. Now he sat across from a different friend, a friend who he didn't want to be friends with. The person he wanted something more with looked down at the ground with a hand over his mouth.

Spencer frowned "what's wrong?" Reaching for the other's hand. Derek looked at him, doe eyed. "Boys." Was all he said. Huh? He had never seen Derek like this. "...Do you wanna dance?" He asked concerned. Derek nodded rapidly and they were off.

Whatever groove Spencer had while dancing with Emily had left because he was back to his normal stiffness. He wondered what was wrong with him but he couldn't decide what it was considering the amount of events that had just occurred. How do I make this less weird? What does he want? Spencer's thoughts reflected on his face.

Fuck. What's going on? Derek wondered. Sure, they were swaying and he had his hands on him, a big improvement on their relationship but he knew something was off about Spencer. So naturally, that's when Derek turned on his profiler mode and started pawing for answers.

"I was watching you earlier, you had some moves pretty boy. Didn't know that about you." There's a lot you don't know about me the genius thought. Instead he responded with "really?" "Yeah. I thought you didn't dance." "I'm not good at it." Spencer laughed. Derek couldn't resist rolling his eyes at the comments. You were practically fucking on the dancefloor talk about 'I'm not good at it.' Boy please. Spencer caught his eyes rolling though. Becoming defensive, he said "we were just being silly. It didn't mean anything." "That make out didn't look so silly. Looked pretty serious from where I was standing."

Spencer was taken aback. Was he mad at him? There was a hint of protectiveness but why would Derek be protective over him when he was with Emily? They've known Emily for a while now, they trust her.

Spencer didn't let him slide away with the snideness. "So what's your problem tonight. Had too many drinks and are now pissed you're not the only one who knows how to have fun?"

"I'm not drunk." Derek grumbled. "Oh really? Derek we've been here 2 hours now and the whole time all you've done is sit down with Penny and drink drinks. And all of a sudden you're acting all strange? How do you explain that hm?" Derek looked away realizing his error, licking his lips.

You're gonna profile me? Two can play it that way. "It's the fact that it's Prentiss huh. Do you like her?" Derek still couldn't meet his eyes. "Or did you just think I couldn't get her?" Spencer wasn't one who got easily mad but the bullshit Derek was pulling was infuriating. Do I just let the cat out of the bag or do I see how he plays it out?There's too many mixed signals going on.

Spencer scoffed annoyingly, letting go of Derek and storming off. "Kid wait!" God damn it Derek this is the one thing you're not supposed to fuck up. Emily stood up from the table that she was at with Penelope. "What's going on?" "I don't know!" They both watched Spencer leave. "Oh no..." "What the f-...he likes him Emily I swear! It's all he's been talking to me about for months! I really don't know what's going on!" Emily tried to make her way through the crowd but Derek was already out the door, trying to reach Spencer.

This is just fucking great. I go out to a club, a place that I already don't like just to try to make a move on some dude, some asshole, and now it's raining. Could it seriously get worse? "Spencer, c'mon man!" Derek heard him curse in a language he didn't understand. "I don't have time for bullshit Derek! Don't waste my time!" He kept walking back towards him.

Derek caught up to him, his feet splashing into puddles. "Look man, I'm sorry. Just let me explain!" Spencer didn't even look at him, he just kept walking. As a final attempt, Derek grabbed his hand, Spencer now facing him. "I'm not trying to waste your time pretty boy. Or bullshit you." The rain drops sliding down both their faces. Despite there being no light other the moon, they looked into each other's eyes. Derek didn't have a firm grip on Spencer's hand, but Spencer didn't feel the need to let go.

"You should start explaining yourself because I don't like dealing with nonsense." His chest rising and falling with every deep breath he took. "For the past couple of months I thought I was seeing you differently so I talked to Peneople about it. She suggested we go to the club to see if I liked you or if I only liked girls or maybe even if I liked men in general. When I saw you and Emily kissing, I- I can't explain it. I liked it. I liked watching you two kiss but then you came over to me and I started feeling jealous and I don't know what's going on with me-" "shut up." Spencer grabbed Derek by the collar of his wet shirt and their mouths smashed together.

It wasn't a pretty sight. It wasn't delicate like how most people want their first kisses to be. But it reflected every emotion that the both of them had felt that night. The rain helping their mouths slide together, the small droplets getting smushed when their checks or chins touched. Derek thought that getting kissed by Spencer looked good but oh man did it feel better to actually be kissed by him. Derek slid his fingers through his hair, imitating Spencer when he kissed Prentiss. The water droplets clinging to the ends of his finger tips. Their bodies closer than Reid's and Emily's ever were.

Spencer pulled away, resting his forehead on Derek's. They both felt the breath of the other, the rapid in and outs trying to get back to their normal speed's. Spencer still had his fingers on Derek's collar, still keeping him close. "Please tell me that that cleared up some stuff for you." Spencer breathed.

"We could be that. Friends who kiss but not romantically." Derek offered. All he knew was that he would die a sad man if that was the only time he'd get to kiss Reid. "If we kiss, I'd like it to be in a romantic way. I didn't spend countless hours watching you go home with countless women to not have you kiss me in a romantic way Derek." Derek laughed at his bluntness. "Alright kid. Good. Because I wouldn't have it any other way." He went in for another kiss, and Spencer happily kissed him back.

"I think it did." Derek panted back. Spencer moved his arms around Derek's neck, pulling him into a hug. "I've had a huge crush on you for forever. I didn't say anything because I didn't think you were gay. Emily and I only kissed like that to see what your reaction would be. I don't like her, she doesn't like me. We're just friends. There's no romance behind it." He explained, still hugging him.

By: Mic

#mic writes fanfiction #criminal minds #cm #spencer reid #moreid #derek morgan #emily prentiss #peneople garcia #emily and spencer #emily prentiss and spencer reid #spemily: friends who kiss #bi derek morgan #bi spencer reid #Derek has bi panic #kiss in the rain #wingwoman penelope garcia #wingwoman emily prentiss #gender non conforming spencer reid

[dancingazaleas]

erejean | pretty

RIVALS TO LOVERS SUPREMACY

i’m so sorry i just love erejean and i could go on about why i think they actually have a beautiful friendship in canon

edit: i wrote this while half asleep so i’m sorry

warnings/notes: cursing, college au!, eren’s personality doesn’t change too much, hopeless pining, this is short, this is messy, internalized homophobia, coming out, gay awakening

eren and jean have been rivals ever since they could remember. no one really knows how it started, but the only thing they did know it that one out of the two of them were acting a little weird.

unlike usual, he was oddly silent towards one another and often faced each other with flushing faces. he gave the other longing looks when he wasn’t looking.

eren genuinely didn’t know what was happening. for the past two to three years, jean’s always irritated the hell out of eren. eren’s even the one who came up with the ridiculous nickname of ‘horse face’.

but now, he thinks jean’s pretty... and handsome. eren doesn’t exactly know what happened, he just knows that ever since the end of senior year that his annoyance for jean has decreased almost into nothing.

okay, eren is kind of lying to himself.

eren still is annoyed by jean, but it isn’t like before. eren never used to be annoyed at how jean’s eyelashes were long and pretty. he never had been annoyed about how his hands were bigger in comparison to his own, he’d never want to hold them. he’d never been annoyed about how jean’s body wasn’t against his, encasing eren with his odd ember fire.

he hated how jean looks so pretty whenever he thinks to himself, he hates how jean looks so stupidly beautiful whenever he’s drawing. he hates how pretty jean looks whenever he laughs, and he hates that he wants that smile to stay there forever.

but what eren hates the most is that he isn’t even gay.

eren’s never really found men attractive growing up, but that didn’t exactly mean that he found girls attractive. eren had only ever dated one girl, who was now a lesbian with a girlfriend and also his close friend.

the only boy eren ever thought was cute was armin. but eren always brushed it off since the two of them were childhood friends. usually childhood friends find each other cute right? and cuddly? and... y’know what, nevermind.

eren sits in his room beside his bed, crying into the palms of his hands from confusion. he’s tried so hard to feel something for girls, any girl that would throw herself at him, but it didn’t work. eren can’t even get hard if he thinks about girls in a sexual manner, but finds himself doing so when thinking of men.

he’s so confused. he’s never been so confused in his entire life.

“eren, do you want anything from... are you okay,” eren looks up to see armin’s face bunched up with concern.

eren wipes away his tears even though it’s pointless because the tears keep flooding over. he can’t help but sob now, too embarrassed at how he’s feeling. armin’s on the floor beside eren within seconds, arms wrapping around eren’s broad shoulders and pulling him into his chest.

eren’s hands weave themselves into the loose fabric of armin’s forest green turtleneck, finally letting everything he’d been holding in out.

eren hates how he confused he is. armin’s shushing him while tracing circles into the fabric of his hoodie, and eren knows that armin is anxious. before eren can try and calm himself down, there’s a gasp from his doorway and the sound of footsteps coming closer. he assumes that mikasa is home, to which he’s correct.

“eren, what’s wrong,” she asks gently, wrapping her arms around his waist from behind.

he chokes out a sob, digging his head further into armin’s shirt.

“just wait until he’s calmed down to ask,” armin advises, continuing to trace patterns into his back.

it takes a few minutes for eren to be able to speak, and even then it’s difficult.

“eren, what’s wrong,” armin pulls his knees to his chest, ignoring the dampness on his shirt.

“i’m... i’m confused,” he sighs after a sniffle, hand wiping away a tear.

“about what,” mikasa questions with an eyebrow raised.

“fuck,” he hisses from frustration, “i don’t know what i like.”

“like? do you mean hobbies?”

“no.”

“things? stuff like books or cheese?”

“no.”

“food?”

“no!”

“people?”

eren stays silent, now pulling his own knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. mikasa and armin give eren a sympathetic look, they both had gone through this as well.

“you think you like men,” mikasa treads carefully, not wanting to upset eren even more than he already is.

“yea,” his voice shakes along with his hands.

“what boy?” armin tilts his head back to lean against eren’s mattress.

“jean,” eren sighs, already feeling himself start to tear back up.

mikasa hums in confirmation, “i see.”

eren’s crying again, absolutely ashamed of himself.

“he just... i hate him ‘cause he’s so pretty and caring. whenever i’m angry, he tries not to make it worse. he pays attention to the stupidest little details, like how i like the crunchier parts of the bread on chicken. he’s so warm, it’s like he’s constantly on fire and i just.. i wanna be surrounded by it. he’s actually really thoughtful whenever he’s not trying to be a douche, and i hate it,” eren cries while he puts his head on mikasa’s muscular shoulder.

“and there’s nothing wrong with being gay, i mean literally nothing. i just hate that i’m confused. what does this mean? i haven’t felt like this towards him before, so why now,” he sniffles, “fuckin’ stupid.”

“y’know... armin and i once felt like this before,” mikasa says, a small and comforting smile coming up onto her face.

“about marco and annie,” he asks, and shifts his gaze to armin.

“yes. whenever i first realized in sophomore year, i was so confused and upset. annie was so pretty, and boys weren’t. at the time, it all felt so wrong, like it wasn’t meant to be that way,” mikasa explains with hesitance, “i told armin i like girls, and he told me he liked boys and that he felt the same way during freshman year. we hated how confused we were, and we hated that we liked the same sex.”

“but all it takes is acceptance from yourself,” armin smiles, “it’s okay to be confused, eren. you’re still 19, you’ve got so much time to figure out who you even are. also, even if you say there’s nothing wrong with being gay, there’s a chance you’ll have internalized homophobia towards yourself. it’s okay to be a gay man named eren yeager. and it’s okay to be confused. you don’t need to rush it, set your own pace.”

“armin’s right. eren, we love you no matter what. you mean the world to the both of us, even if you’re confused with your identity. it’s okay to explore those feelings, and it’s okay to be wrong about them. either way, we love you so much, eren,” mikasa wipes a tear from his eye with her thumb.

eren wants to cry again just from how loving the two of his friends are.

“thanks you guys, i love you too,” he chuckles as they’re all pulled into a group hug.

————

two months later, eren’s telling all of his friends. they accept him with open arms, which isn’t too surprising, but it makes him happy nonetheless.

another month, he’s telling his superiors at his work. they’re the closest eren has to parents since his mom and dad died, and they accepted him happily. he wasn’t too surprised, but even so it made him cry. knowing that he was loved no matter what made him emotional.

another month later, he’s telling one of the most important people in his life. his brother, who raised him and mikasa since his parents died. he’s once again accepted with open arms, and is even reminded that zeke has brought home boys whenever they both were younger. he’s so lucky.

but even after all this, he’s still crushing on jean. only now, he’s more accepting of how he wants jean to kiss him.

eren also thinks jean is an idiot.

eren has made multiple moves on the muffin top, but he hasn’t even realized. eren’s linked pinkies with jean while his face reddens, he’s fed jean, he’s even resorted to telling him horrible pickup lines.

what makes it worse is that jean thinks this is a rivalry thing again, god knows how.

what’s even more annoying is the fact that jean so obviously likes eren back, but eren is also too stupid to notice. eren, somehow, doesn’t notice how his face shows up in jean’s sketchbook more than it should. he doesn’t notice the flirty innuendos that jean tells him.

and it’s so annoying.

everyone feels this is even more annoying then whenever the two were at each other’s throats 24/7.

jean yawns while he stretches his arms towards the sky, pencil falling from his fingers and onto the paper of his sketchbook. he’s been outside drawing for two hours now, practicing landscapes and drawing under a short amount of time.

eren’s sleeping beside him on the grass, head resting on jean’s book bag while his arms hold his hoodie to his chest. some of eren’s hair is falling out of the bun it’s in, swishing silently as the wind begins to blow softly against their bodies.

jean thinks eren looks so pretty. with a cautious hand, he tucks a strand behind eren’s pierced ear. eren’s skin his warm against jean’s hand, even though the wind has been blowing gently on eren’s snoozing face.

jean brushes eren’s baby hairs out of his face, softly smiling at eren’s serenity. and before he can stop himself, his cheek is in the palm of jean’s large hand.

jean’s thumb strokes his cheekbone while the rest of his fingers get tangled into eren’s hair.

“pretty,” jean mumbles while he smiles.

for some reason, jean doesn’t pull his hand away. even when eren eyes start to flutter open and look at him. even whenever eren’s cheeks darken.

“you’re pretty, y’know,” jean says, ignoring how the setting sun was starting to get in his eyes.

“you’re not too bad yourself, horsey,” eren snickers while jean rolls his eyes and scoffs.

they’re left in a comfortable silence as jean finally pulls away and turns back to the sketchbook in his lap.

it showed no progress of landscapes and random people, only a drawing of eren sleeping.

————

eren and jean find themselves looking at the stars while standing in the lake a month later. it’s hot during june, even during the late nights where the sun has been put to rest.

which is why they came up with the bright idea to go swimming in a lake at 12 in the morning. the idea wasn’t even planned, eren decided on a whim and just decided to drag jean along.

jean points up towards the stars, “the big dipper.”

eren follows his finger, a huge smile spreading across his face at jean’s correct assumption.

“there’s the constellation of gemini,” eren says while pointing.

“makes sense since it’s june.”

eren nods, looking towards jean.

he looks so pretty in the moonlight.

“hey jean.”

“yeah, what do you wan—!”

eren interrupts jean by splashing him with water, hearty laughs echoing through the terrain as goes on.

“not cool,” jean tries to say angrily, but ends up laughing.

he splashes eren back and then retreats deeper into the lake. eren follows behind, tackling jean under the water. they both laugh once they come to the surface, pointing out how the water now reached their thighs.

“that’s why we’re here, jean. to get wet,” he raises an eyebrow while putting his hands on jean’s shoulders.

“yeah, heads up!” jean shouts while he dunks eren under the water while on top of him.

they’re once again laughing when they resurface, both trying to catch the breath that had been taken out of them.

“you’re hair looks good wet,” eren says while gesturing to jean.

“i always look good,” jean jokes, eren snorting obnoxiously afterwards.

“whatever helps you sleep at night, man,” eren shrugs.

the two goof around for a few minutes longer, laughs echoing against the trees and back into their ears.

neither of them want this to end.

eren has an arm wrapped around jean as he holds himself up, laughing stupidly at god knows what. jean laughs as well, heart fluttering sweetly at the sight of eren’s pretty smile.

and jean doesn’t know how to think.

so, he pulls eren straight up, grabs ahold of his plump and warm cheeks and gives him a sweet kiss.

the sweetest kiss eren’s ever had.

eren reciprocates shyly, pushing his lips back against jean’s. he grabs at jean’s bicep, wanting to ground himself just to make sure that he isn’t dreaming.

jean pulls away whenever they need air, resting his forehead against eren’s.

“i love you,” he whispers to him breathily, moving his hands to hold onto eren’s.

“i love you too,” eren chuckles and stares into jean’s eyes, “even if you’re an idiot that looks like a horse.”

jean rolls his eyes, and instead of replying to eren, he gives eren another kiss. he’ll tell eren that he’s pretty after.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #snk #aot fanfiction #snk fanfiction #snk eren #eren aot #attack on titan eren #eren yaegar #eren x jean #erejean #jean kirstein #jean kirschstein #jean aot #snk jean #aot jean

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Fascinating. They usually cut jealousy scenes to a minimum or don't show at all even in pure BL genre, like Lan Wangji (esp Wen Ning thing) or Shen Wei being extremely possessive, bc it can't be explained by brotherhood in their opinion. It's also the reason it was cut from Ultimate. So why here suddenly add scenes like that and with such heavy focus is a mystery, since you've said it's not in the novel. It's not even reasonable jealousy, its just straight up "cant touch my piece of pizza" stuff

Hmm... never thought about it. LOL in the anime the kept LZ being jealous of Wen Ning though xD. Idk in "Sleuth of the Ming" they made a whole open scene out of it. What I've noticed is that their censorship always works differently, and some choices never cease to surprise me, as in who decides what's ok and whats not, bc idk... I understand that stuff like dying for each other, touching, staring can be by many seen as a touching bromance technically, I mean I've seen many ppl watching even cencored BL and being completely oblivious. But there are sometimes some stuff included, that I personally do not get how it can be interpreted as "close friends" and how it passed the censorship. And I do not mean here sucking out poisons, for example (bc I would've done this for my close friends if they were in danger haha).

I'm just judging from the point of view of like me and my sister being very close to the point of a person on the street asking us if we're lesbians lmao (I like still don't get where it came from, hand holding?xD). As I've said before, I guess I see why some ppl who don't have close friends or family would consider some closeness as romantic (since both close bros and couple do some things like spooning for example), but anyone who like saw idk bts members or have a super close bestie or sibling might know that hugging each other to sleep, wearing their clothes or feeding them a jelly bean if their hands are busy doesn't always mean you have any romance there going on, speaking from my expierience, so I just have different view on this "gay stuff vs bro stuff". (like to me the afterlife pingxie scene is actually gayer than any touching they've done, bc like why he didn't see his family or iron triangle whole if they all bros). It's just there are a LOOOT of things that can be indeed considered bro stuff technically (they might not be, but they could), but there is some stuff that just cannot be explained by we're bros, thats all. And this kind of jealousy is one of them.

Bc like a bit of jealousy like "my bestie wanted to go skating with their lover instead of me, so I'm upset we don't spend as much time together" can exist, but if you have problems with someone hitting on your friend, checking him out or even touching him and you don't want them to date anybody, that's another thing, that just means you wanna date them. Wu Xie can hug Fatty to sleep and they can slap each other's butts like me and my sis, but he'd never be jealous seeing someone flirting with him or smth. You know what I mean here? So I get why it's in most situations considered not censorship appropriate and it's cut.

But the most funny thing about the "him being unreasonably jealous" added scenes is the fact that like they actually chose to make him being absurdly jealous. Bc for example in the first version of the scene, Pangzi was trying to dance with Xiaoge, thats why Wu Xie got all worked up:

it was at least somewhat understandable. But in the actual scene from the drama they went and for some reason changed it. Xiaoge pulled Pangzi in, bc he lost direction while being blind, but it was still Pangzi who got reprimanded for that at the end lmao

so it just became even more hilarious, bc Pangzi just grazed him, he didn't even do anything, so I was like will this guy just calm the fuck down, but no, he kept going lolz

I'm just surprised about some of their deliberate choices I guess. So I agree, weird it is.

But Reboot in general was weird, when it comes to the rollercoaster of their choices lmao. They uncensored, then used censorship to uncensor, then censored to cover, its just the first time I saw this weird kind of censorship, like as long as girls are there, jokes like "I won't be able to get it up on a woman" are okay??????? Idk they were just extremely out there almost each episode with all kinds of stuff, that by the end I was like... well, at this point its already pointless. I guess it was just the first time, I've seen it made in such weird way and actually used in a smart way fitted with the character and no just for the sake of it. Adding a scene when he accidentally calls his in their opinion potential love interest his bro's name is actually uncensoring, not censoring, you know what I mean? (since we in fact didn't move anywhere near this realization in the book). Same as what many noticed about them openly making fun of censorship and "out of nowhere appeared feelings and how its not love and whats wrong with idolization if u don't know a person" after NPSS interviews and how it only made everyone fall for what pingxie have more. So it was like... I actually for the first time enjoyed it. It was a pretty genius way of showing Wu Xie's weird internal struggles from that book, which I thought were not possible to show. Bc as you know he's hilariously oblivious there about all of it and same as WWX for example do not even consider such possibility. But I think it's just bc it's not actual BL BL, it's a story where a couple naturally accidentaly came together and turned out to be both guys (even tho one was initially intende to be a girl xD), so its in general complicated. Wu Xie is just borderline lost at this point xD. It's like "Yeah, I want him... What do you mean as in dating? Whats that?". Or like:

- Want a wife?

- No, I want Xiaoge.

- As in you're gay?

- What's a gay?

That's basically how he rolls.

But I do love jealous Wu Xie, I think it's hilarious here, he's like somehow complitely okay with how idiotic he looks and that's very sweet haha.

P.S. "can't touch my piece of pizza" lmaoo well Xiaoge does look very delicious like Black Glasses says xD

P.P.S. all in all I really do not get how their censorship works in general at all. Like why Wangxian wedding bows were allowed, but other stuff don't? Or like I get like complimenting your bestie "you look hot in this" or "you're so pretty" or smth, but there's a difference between this and saying that their "lips look sweet"... like thats already another thing entirely. So at times I watch cdramas like... huh??? Maybe it depends on who checks it idk

#answered #anonymous #pingxie #lost tomb reboot #reunion the sound of the providence #wu xie #zhang qiling #daomu biji #dmbj #reboot overall just so full of crass only slightly hidden jokes that i was like is that allowed? xD #i didn't get how some parts were okay for their tv #but i'm grateful for those lmao

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales Comics: Spies Like Us and Dime after Dime or Weblena: The Preschool Days (Lena Retrospective) (Comissioned by WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy people and welcome back to Shadow Into Light, My Lena Retrospective, which fittingly has now come to Women’s History Month! I sadly do not have anything besides this arc prepared for the month. This month is pretty packed for me with two shows a week to cover, as while there’s only two weeks of Ducktales left final space starts up right after to take it’s spot, two arcs to cover, and two time specific movie reviews: animal crossing the movie and the 1990 TMNT film. I will try to get more than the currently planned top 12 superheroines list out there... but this month is very tight as is, so if I do not I deeply apologize.

Now that’s out of the way, it’s appropriate we start Women’s history month on some likely lesser known parts of Lena’s history, with some comics stories focusing on our faviorite emo lesbian duck and her 87 counterpart. Before I get started on that though Kev my patreon pointed out something intresting a few weeks back i’ve been forgetting to get to and since we’re looking into Minima, I felt this was the perfect time to do so: Lena’s Concept art. 

There’s quite a few things to gleam from this. For starters as pointed out in the reddit thread I got the image as a whole from this was made in 2015, meaning Lena was one of the first new characters designed for the series and was part of it from the VERY early stages, as evidenced by the fact that despite clearly having their new personalities established, Beakly and Webby still had the old designs. 

The other notable change is that her first design was way more like both Magica nad Minima, a bit more modern, but clearly far more obvious who she was related to. She also had all black feathers making the shadow twist a bit more obvious and was likely done away with both to avoid giving that twist away, the same reason for the fake lestrange name, and to avoid accidently black coding her, as while Lena being black would’ve been intersting, it also would’ve invited a firestorm of controversy given that their one black character in season 1.. woul’dve started off as a homeless, manipulative antagonist, and none of that would play well nor was it something the progressive crew of this show couldn’t spot from a mile away.  And even this early on they have an almost final design ready, simply changing the shirt to fit her personality more, and her hair to be pink because it honestly looked better She also had green eyes throughout, but for whatever reason they phased them out. That part I don’t quite get as they look nice but probably they were hard to translate to the reboot style once they settled on their own. Her purple eyeshadow and haircut though have stuck since and were good calls. 

One last VERY obvious note.. Webby was gay for Lena from minute one. While Dana helped it is now VERY obvious they gay coded this relationship from the design phase, and the crew was entirely aware the whole time and I gave them less credit than I should have. They clearly had this in mind, and it’s very likely ONLY subtext because Disney, while making more and more progress, is very reluctant to have queer characters as Owl House was a struggle and since they have a tighter leash on properites based on the sensational 6, that means Frank knew they had the same odds of making Webby or Della queer in anything but subtext that a pig has of suviving in a slaughterhouse. I bring this up because I fear the series getting accused of queerbaiting somewhere down the road instead of doing what they could with a bad hand and hoping they could make the show as gay as they could. Penny is as out as they posisbly could get her, and Violet and Lena’s dad’s got a full apperance, if no speaking role that made it obvious beyond a shadow of a doubt their gay and did it in a plot important episode. So they did their best and I want them to get credit for that. 

But while this is all intresting stuff, join me under the cut for the meat of today’s review as I dig into Lena’s only apperance in the tie-in comic that was never punished here, and the only apperance of her protoype Minima.

Spies Like Us:  As I mentioned this comic was never published here which is doubly weird to me because of how I knew this story existed. Since I follow comics weekly and buy trades reguarly, I read the solicits companies put out eveyr month to see what new series are coming, what the ones i’m currently reading are doing, and what trades are coming out. That sort of thing, and it’s something I love. I know their basically adds.. but their well put together adds that really pull you into the books you like. The big two and the indies are all very good at it and sometimes i’ts the only way to know a comic is coming if the company dosen’t make a press release for it ahead of time. 

So naturally given there are several comics I follow at idw, paticuarlly the TMNT comics, I read those solicits and found they were going to do an issue with Webby and Lena becoming spies, and was excited about it. I ended up forgetting about it and never really followed the Ducktales comic as it came out, and upon reading an issue or two recently, one for another comission by kev as one story, happy happy valley, was particularly terrible. For those who haven’t read the story or my review, it involved the family getting stranded on an island where their forced to partake in activites and smile..that somehow turned into an aseop about Louie wanting to be rich. It ended with this

Yes.. really. That actually happened. But even with this, I fully planned to cover the issue when I covered Lena, and brought it up to Kev when he commissioned the retrospective. He gave me the discord equilvent of a blank stare and had never heard of it. I soon found out why: the story was replaced as, and fair play to disney, it spoiled Beakly’s past from the agent 23 episode which wasn’t going to air in time.  What dosen’t work is they never reprinted the story in The US.. didn’t put it in a future issue and just swap it’s place didn’t put it in the nothing. And the story was fully complete as we’ll see, with a cover and everything so they had no excuse whatsoever to NEVER use it, even with what happened to Lena in the season finale, this clearly took place before that and it was weird to just shelve it because of that. But thankfully when a bunch of the stories were reprinted overseas, this and another one, also webby centric got published overseas. But not in english.

Lucky for me, I was able to find an english translation of an english story which you can read RIGHT HERE. It was translated by @neopuff and I thank them for it as without them this review would not be possible and want to give them all the credit. So was it worth all their hard work translating it? Well let’s take a look. 

We begin at the Manor where Lena is skulking around suspiciously.. though it turns out she and Webby are just playing hide and seek. Though Lena accuses cheating. The dialouge here is pretty flat though that’s not Neopuff’s fault at all. As I can attest from reading other stories a lot of the early IDW comics are just this flat in dialoguge no matter the writer as they were likely given character descriptions and basic info about the show they likely had written up for merchandising and Frank and Co were given no involvement and likely weren’t made avaliable to consult on the comics to help them be a bit more fleshed out. It’s very obvious to me Disney just tried to get these pumped out so they’d have a series in stores to tie in without carring about qualities and given Scrooge debuted in comics, their lack of care toward that side of things in general, but especially in the first american published original duck comics in a while, bothers me a lot. It’s inexcusable. 

That being said the story isn’t half bad nor is the setup as the two hear a beeping and find it’s Beakly’s phone going off with a mysterious message from Q, Webby thinks she’s been reactivated, and is encouraged by Lena to go look after her while she stays along. While Webby says in response

It just feels grossly out of character for both. Lena is far more subtle about manipulation as shown five minutes ago and Webby blindly trusts her. Because she has a massive crush on her and is naïve about how the world works. It just seems very odd of her to get suspicious as she never does on screen, and again it comes off as Disney having barely given the writers any materials on them when i’m sure Frank or Matt would’ve been happy to write up a thing for them to help outside of the usual press materials they were given. 

Though hte last line isn’t all that out of character and has an obvious answer as within a jumpcut Launchpad’s taking them to London and is told to blend in.. which he does with an australian flag and accent.. good gag. 

So our heroines do some heroic breaking and entering and look for the package, but soon find while hiding it’s already in transit.. and had obvious bows on int. Whoops. Our heroes trie the old follow tha tcar bit and refreshingly, it dosen’t pan out as the guy stops and tells them to get out. A nice twist. Unable to follow, our heroes instead find launchpad lost, as his map is upside down

So Lena dares him if he can follow that plane, a nice bit of character for both. I will give Joe credit. While the dialouge’s a bit flat and there was that out of character moment.. for the most part he does nail the actual character down and does use it decently enough. He’s just not given enough page room or actual details to work  with is all. 

So while our heroes follow they end up having to crash as they run out of fuel.. lucky their with the expert but end up near home where the package is delivered to. Turns out this wasn’t a spy thing, this was just a thing with her aunt. That’s fine and a nice gag.. it’s just ruined by just sorta.. ending. Lena leaves disapointed and Beakly scolds webby for “playing spy” and she’s sad. That’s it that’s how it ends. Which dosen’t fit the characters, as while Beakly would defintely scold her, it just dosen’t FIT that she’d be that tearse or not appricate the effort or give her an actual lecture and it feels like Joe had no idea how to end this after the gag and just.. ended it. 

Final Thoughts for Spies Likes Us: This was okay.  It is a bit of a disappointment as for the only story not available.. i’ts just okay and not really above an average Ducktales comics story, with some nice character bits but feeling a bit weak overall, as do at least the first half of the idw comics. I haven’t read the later stuff to see if it got better. It’s worth a read if you like Webby and Lena as characters and it’s not BAD, it’s just not anything impressive and is a simple hyjinks filled misunderstanding story. 

Dime After Dime:

So now  we go back a bit to the original. I didn’t do these in chronological order because frankly, Dime after Dime is the better story of the two and the bigger one at that, so I have more to work with here. But the original also had comics and honestly from the few i’ve read much BETTER comics. I chalk this up to two things: The Ducktales 87 comics seem to have come out AFTER the series was already a hit, and since Ducktales is pretty close to the original uncle scrooge comics minus it’s own tweaks here and there, it’s easy enough to just write the stories like you would a regular uncle scrooge story, just with Webby and Launchpad added, whereas the idw writers were staffed with writing for all new versions of the characters with noticable differences without much to go on.  It’s why to me with tie in comics you have two options: Wait long enough so you can put your story inbtween the episodes like the Steven Universe and Regular Show comics did or just make your own continuity entirely like the Adventure Time Comics and the Archie TMNT Adventures series did. The ONLY time i’ve seen a comic work like this is the Bravest Warriors comic, which had a talented writer and fit well enough in the margins until it sadly ended.. and honestly is BETTER in some cases than the series. I might get to it someday. The point is this comic shows why you need to have a deft hand adapting something instead of just falling your arms about and hoping it’ll work. 

So today’s comic was part of some Disney Series called cartoon tales, which clearly repackaged comic stories from wherever, and put them together. I don’t know much about it and the only other issue avaliable collects the disney adventures adaptation of “Just Us Justice Ducks”, which I might cover at some point. This book does have two other stories which i’d be happy to do on comission or on my own at some point, one involving gladstone the other gizmoduck, but for now, i’m just sticking to the title story and the reason you all came here. 

So we open with Magica gazing into her crystal ball from her Mt. Vesuvies base saying that Scrooge will never know what hit him I know exactly what and who wiil hit him thank you very much. 

Scrooge is seeing Webby off to her first day of day camp, getting all teary eyed which is touching. Beakly apparently goes with her as the story never SAYS Sshe does but she’s not also not around when the story moves on, as Launchpad says it looks like rain. Scrooge dismisses him, though Launchpad turns out to be right. Scrooge had good reason for once though, instead of just being a dick good on you comic for making me not want to punch him in the face, trust me that is a high bar to clear with the scrooge comics, as the weather was fine just a minute ago. Naturally it was Magica All Along! Nothing scrooge can do now that eveyrthing has gone wrong! Her entrance though is sadly not a catchy earwormy tune, but .. this confusing line

I think your thinking of Gladstone. And he’s still single so.. have at that but no Scrooge is the one who values hard work over anything else and brags about THAT or being rich. I .. I don’t get this line and frankly I don’t want to. Even in stories where the dime is supernaturally lucky and the source of his wealth he dosen’t boast about it because he’s not stupid and dosen’t want everyone knowing how to bankrupt him instantly. This line will baffle me until I die, presumably, given my life’s tragetctory, after reviewing an episode of mighty ducks and slipping on some a jerky wrapper. 

Scrooge asks what she wants... 

No this isn’t that kind of story sadly. Her plan is to.. zap the bin with lightning and take the dime. Really just went with your first draft didn’t you magica? But as stupid as this plan is Scrooge has prepared for it. He installed a lightning rod on the bin to save on power, and to power his new super soaker traps. So all Magica did was save him money. She flies off and nothing is acomplished. 

So we get back to Webby at the Teenie Weenie Day Camp.. and just so you don’t think that was a terrible joke on my part...

My theory for how this name got approved at all is the editor KNEW how that sounded and just wanted to see if Disney would actually print a comic with the phrase Teenie Weenie without getting what it means in slang or how hilariously inapproriate it is to namme a children’s camp after it. 

Your probably wondering who that grown woman calling Webby a dweeb is. Well story wise, she’s SUPPOSED to be another kid at the camp around Webby’s age. In practice, she looks like THIS in closeup

So it looks and plays like a 30 year old woman snuck into the day camp and no one’s noticed she’s not actually a children. Or their just humoring her because she had a week to live. I don’t know. I do know she doesn’t get to judge on names. 

Snippy Von Glitz, proof rich people really do hate their kids and this this comic is trying personally to give me material. Snippy is your average alpha bitch, taking a chair from Minma and being obnoxious and classist and all that jazz. Minima gets hers back by making the chair bouncy then returning it to normal so Snippy gets in trouble when she makes up things about the chair, with the lady in charge getting ready to call her Dad. You cannot convince me that her “Dad” is just what she calls her husband, this is how they both get off, and that the lady at the preschool only tolerates it because they pay her a lot and so far the kids haven’t noticed Snippy is 30. Webby likes minima finding her name pretty, proving that the ho yay is alive no matter the webby and magica relative, and Minma returns the favor by saving her from a block. 

Minma is reluctant to make an actual friend, finding they aren’t worth anything and given most of the kids here apparently pick on her and her aunt is well.. Magica, it’s understandable why she’d be so cold. But Webby presses on and says something from Scrooge about friends. Which given Ducktales scrooge has none goes weird but it gets Minma to find out she knows and lives with Scrooge, so she cons webby into taking the dime for show and tell, showing that she can manipulate them with her powers, and that he won’t notice it’s missing, getting her with “I thought you wanted to be friends” 

So let’s pause for a second and compare and contrast the two: Both are the niece, or at least sorta in Lena’s case, of Magica, both manipulate webby, and both are her first real friend: The 87 boys are little monsters and I don’t consider them friends or even brothers, while the 2017 ones are just that: brothers. Their her siblings in all but blood, not friends and have hteir own long complicated history. 

But otherwise the two are vastly different. Lena is a far more complex character as she’s been abused her whole life, is a rebel because Magica hardly gave her agency, and while she starts wooing webby out of self interest it’s clear even as far as the first episode she cares. Lena would gladly be part of the world if she could and this whole scheme is to gain that choice. 

Minma is still sympathetic but very different: She walls herself off because the other kids laugh and mock her for being herself and lashes out at them.. not unreasonably mind , but still feeling she needs no one else.. but as we’ll learn later she’s only helping Magica to finally feel accepted, to get all the fancy clothes and stuff that will make her popular instead of that grown woman masquerading as a kid for disturbing reasons. Minma is at her heart just a hurt kid desperate to fit in. And while Lena shares the desire for a place to belong.. it’s at it’s core much sadder. Lena.. wants a family. Someone to love her and to care about her and actually look after her. Minma has that she just wants to be loved. it’s similar but very diffrent and I can see why Lena evolved into what she did, as Frank and Matt ended up going in a far darker but ultimately more interesting direction. Minima is not a bad character at all though and without her I don’t think we would’ve had Lena, but at the end of the day the 87verse is just not that complicated, so the reboot needed something more and that more evolved into who we have now. 

Both kids excitedly talk about their new friends, with their respective guardians being distracted. Scrooge is distracted by the fact his car is a bit bumpy and Launchpad offers to fix it up for free with some parts from a buddy, which given the sentence “This won’t cost you anything” makes him erect, Scrooge agrees. Magica meanwhile, whose watching Minima while her mom is away which raises a LOT of questions we don’t have time for like who she is, is she’s poes wife or does Magica have other siblings... it’s a lot of questions we’re never going to get answers to. 

The next day Webby got the dime easy as Scrooge was distracted. so Minima swaps them while she’s distracted. But while swiping it was easy, which to be fair Webby is likely approved in his security so it woudln’t match her.. or the story just needed to progress. You make the call. 

Magica does the logical thing and goes and get sthe dime and the story ends there.. and i’m shitting you, she of course brags to scrooge, reveals minima as her spy, and offers to RACE him for it shortly after he realizes he has a fake.

The only major flaw in this story is Magica’s overconfdience, which isn’t BAD persay, but here has gotten to dumbass proportions. She just can’t plan for anything and a CHILD has a better plan than her that only dosen’t work for reasons we’ll get to. And that plan is almost ruined by Magica taunting scrooge!

So a race is on but Launchpad has transformed Scrooge’s old Model T into this

Damn that’s cool. Scrooge of course dosen’t like it, but honestly you get what you paid for. Oh that’s right you paid nothing for something you NEED to use every day for transportation. 

At  the rickity thickity bridge, Steve Buschemi’s worst roll and her minion ask Webby to roll with them and Minima mistakes this for betrayal planning to soak them all.. only for Webby to DEFEND HER, pointing out minma’s her friend, how she dresses is fine and she loves her no matter what.. the last part’s implied. The 30-year old asshole and her minon leave Webby and Minma is genuinely touched, as no one’s done that for her before. She put up so many walls... she didn’t realize someone could ACTUALLY care about her, so obessed with thinking she had to be like that soccer mom in preschoolers clothing, she just had to be herself: kinda werid but in that fun adams family way. Webby says she knows Minma would do the same.. so while she prepares to let’s get back to the race. Magica realizes Launchpad’s roadster is actually gaining and spreads some tacks, but Scrooge counters with some money.. because of course he has a lot of money in the trunk. But Magica takes out the bridge and while scrooge awesomely JUMPS IT... he’s still too late. 

As you probably guess though, Minima had a change of heart, and gave Webby the real dime back, and Scrooge confirms it. Minima TRIES to tell Magica, and Magica is horrified her niece is a goody goody “I”ll never hear the end of it at my astral aerobics class”.. I.. I want to see that. Let’s raise those spirit ladies and kick kick that soul, doge that shadow king punch them in the soul. Yes! Now eat it eat it and absorb it’s power!

We end on a button joke as Webby apologizes for taking the dime., Scrooge accepts it and Webby tells them magica learned to carpet and they gulp for some reason. 

Final Thoughts on Dime after Dime: This story was decent. It has problems, some jokes don’t land and Magica is made horribly incompetent, but minima’s character arc is endearing, and Webby herself is precious as always and her winning Minima over feels genuine. And Scrooge is in prime adoring uncle mode with her and i’ts just so cute. And the roadster race is pretty awesome to watch honestly. It’s an exceptional and enjoyable tie in story.. and not the last ducktales 87 story we’ll be covering here. Wink wonk. 

Next Time: Things get DARK as Lena and Webby head into the depths of Scrooge’s hidden bin and Lena heads into the depths of her own soul. 

Tommorow: Woo-Ooo mofos as we go back to the very beginning of the reboot! A family restored, a lost city to explore, and a glomgold rises! Be here or be square. 

#ducktales #ducktales 1987 #webbigail vanderquack #lena saberwing #weblena #minima de spell #magica de spell #bentina beakly #launchpad mcquack #scrooge mcduck #dime after dime #spies like us #idw #comics #animation #shadow into light

[rosethornewrites]

This is a lot, but I’ve been ruminating on it since my alt-right brother sent my mom a bunch of transphobic memes. Basically, I’m resigned to the fact that there are certain members of my family I can never come out to as nonbinary because they would scoff and belittle me.

It has me thinking about some of the transphobia I’ve seen over the years, and how hard I work to make my classroom a safe zone.

Back when I was much younger, in my 20s, so early 2000s, I had an online friend, A. We chatted a lot on AIM and sent each other cards and such. A related to me that he had been abused by his gynecologist. Essentially, when A told them he was FTM, the gyno’s response was not to put him on T, but on birth control to try to “fix” him. A spiraled into a terrible depression that made him trust doctors less.

Suddenly A went silent, right after Christmas. Wasn’t getting online, and I couldn’t get through to him over email or the phone. A popped back up a few months later. See, A had gotten his name changed before Christmas and was able to finally get on T. And then A went to visit his family for Christmas. Next thing you know, he’s a prisoner, kidnapped, his T taken from him, his electronics taken from him, his keys taken from him, locked in his childhood home without the means to escape.

He managed to, finally, but it wasn’t because the police helped him or anything. His dad was pals with the cops, see, so they ignored it.

I lost contact with A eventually, simply because we grew to be in different online circles, but the trauma he suffered still horrifies me.

I’ve had the misfortune of seeing a lot of transphobia. I was enjoying dinner with another friend out on the porch of a restaurant, and a man walking by took issue with my friend’s appearance. She’s beautiful, buff, and she could probably bench-press me--and I am not small in the least. So here’s this rando screaming obscenities while we’re at our table, and I’m looking at the sriracha bottle on the table and considering whether it could be a weapon if he turns violent.

The table next to us was populated by several very buff gay men, and they chased him off and the cops were ultimately called. He tried to throw a chair at them but it was chained down. He tried to approach again, going around the block to come from another angle, but the cops were talking to witnesses and another table pointed him out, and the cops, fortunately, escorted him away. The restaurant gave my friend free Thai coffee to make up for it.

But she couldn’t even enjoy a nice dinner outside with a friend on a lovely summer evening without being accosted by a random stranger.

I am out at work, with my pronouns attached to my email signature. That doesn’t mean I’m safe, by any means, as a fellow enbie at work was stalked by a colleague, who insisted they had to be his friend, and he was protected because the stalking was “platonic” rather than sexual. They wound up leaving, but have continued to face transphobia in academia, including being bumped from a high-level position over “concerns” they weren’t feminist enough. This by a colleague who had somehow dug up their deadname and repeatedly used it in conversations and official emails. But then these assholes wanted the curriculums my former colleague had developed for the program they were supposed to head.

Trust me, academia is transphobic af, and unfortunately this transphobia is often aided and abetted by cis women, het or lesbian. Doesn’t matter--if you were afab, they see it as a betrayal toward women because toxic TERF rhetoric is everywhere.

I was denied promotion this year on shaky grounds, for instance. It was pretty clear my material hadn’t been read, and the decision had been made before looking at it. Was it because I’m nonbinary? Or is it just some petty grudge by one of the committee members? I’ll never know, but I’ve learned going above and beyond isn’t valued, so “no” is a complete sentence and part of my vocabulary now.

This is why I work so hard to make my classroom a safe place, because academia isn’t safe--not for trans people, not for women, not for people of color. It’s white men protecting white men, mostly. They’ll claim to value diversity, but there’s what they say and there’s what they do. Actions speak louder than words, and then they hand-wring over why BIPOC, women, and queer students have a high rate of attrition. 

Universities bleed talent all the time, with many folks giving up and leaving academia entirely.

My mom knows I’m enbie and is learning more about the trans community. But I can never tell my brothers. I can never tell most of my relatives. If my grandma was still alive, I could tell her, and she’d be fine with it and would bully tf out of all of them if they took issue--after all, when I told her I “thought” I was gay, she basically said I should have sex with both men and women and decide which I liked better. My dad would be fine with it, if he was still alive, and my brothers would get shit from him if they pulled anything.

But aside from my mom, all the true allies in my family (regardless of how “liberal” they think they are) are dead. Which I guess is why I’m largely NC with most of them.

So basically this isn’t positive thoughts on Christmas Day, but Christmas Day is for family, and mine is mostly not blood family anymore.

#haters #lgbtq