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theerurishipper · 8 months

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Anyway, I had a discussion a while back about how Adrien wasn't abused before Emilie's death and I gotta say I disagree, but I'm feeling too lazy to write a whole post about it so here are some bullet points.

Adrien has no friends except for Chloe. I wonder why the boy who is so desperate for emotional connections and friendships would not want to or try to make friends for 13 years except for one girl who is conveniently the daughter of the mayor of Paris unless his parents didn't let him.

Gabriel canonically only gave Adrien a stupid pen for three years (i.e. during the time Emilie was alive) and doesn't that paint a picture of a loving and attentive father. Adrien has also never had a birthday party before.

Adrien's lack of awareness of social cues doesn't make it seem like he is someone who was allowed to socialize like children normally are, and speaks to a lifelong isolation as opposed to it just starting after Emilie died.

Adrien doesn't act like someone who is used to unconditional love and had it stripped away from him. Never does he express confusion over his father's sudden turn from being loving to coldness, not once does he indicate that his father used to act way differently. And yes, Emilie being nice and loving is something that can coexist with her being a bad parent who at best simply allowed Gabriel to isolate Adrien from the world and at worst actively contributed. Adrien only ever mentions that she was nice, not that she ever disagreed with his father on how to raise him.

Please do correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think a child who is used to being assured of his own worth and loved so unconditionally for 13 years would so completely internalize the contradictory idea that he has to earn love by being whatever the other person wants him to be in the span of less than a year without any trouble and with no doubts or confusion at all as to why everything is so different from before. The practiced way he wears his masks around others without once suggesting that it was different before at some point indicates that this has been the norm for him. And not once does he seem to expect anything different from anyone as opposed to just Gabriel. You would expect that someone who is used to being unconditionally loved would just expect that and view his father as an exception to the rule, but that's not the case.

To continue from the previous point, Adrien doesn't react to being shown unconditional love like someone who has experienced the feeling before would. Not once does he bemoan the loss of his supposed better treatment prior to Emilie's death. He acts genuinely surprised and shocked when Gabriel is nice to him, like he's never experienced it before. The way he clings to Ladybug's unconditional support like it's the best thing he's ever had doesn't speak of someone who was raised with unconditional love in abundance. He genuinely does not know how to not put up a front all the time in front of everyone because he believes that is what everyone expects of him, which is something that he probably shouldn't think if he spent 13 years of his life being loved and supported unconditionally and being able to be himself.

As evidence for this being a lifelong thing and not just something that started after Emilie died, consider the fact that Adrien's childhood dream is to be whatever his parents wanted him to be. Idk about y'all but the fact that this child had no dreams and desires of his own except to be his parents' little doll says a lot about how he was raised, and only proves that he's never really seen himself as someone who gets to have his own desires outside of pleasing his parents and having to earn their love even as a child, proving my point that this isn't something that started less than a year ago.

No, but Wishmaker really did shit all over the "Adrien's life only became bad after Emilie's death" argument huh. I sincerely question why anyone thinks that Emilie wasn't abusive after watching that episode.

And idk, the fact that he was constantly mind-controlled by his parents his whole life should be enough to understand that they are abusive pieces of shit.

My impression is that it got worse after Emilie died but was pretty bad before already (I mean, I thought it couldn't get much worse than mind-control, but Gabriel the asshat managed to make it happen). But honestly, the show has such an inconsistent tone with their portrayal of Emilie. They seem to want her to be seen as a good and loving and perfect mother, but then there are so many unfortunate implications regarding her treatment of Adrien that they just... do not acknowledge.

#MLB #Miraculous Ladybug #Adrien Agreste #Gabriel Agreste #Emilie Agreste #Chat Noir #Meta #My meta #ML Salt #ML Writing Salt #Abuse cw #Abuse tw

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sleepyconfusedpotato · 24 days

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Hiiii me again

Related to the post about the ownership of characters and the tags you put-

I just wanted to mention that you’ve given me a lot of confidence. I used to be the type of person who believed “if your oc even breathes in the direction of a canon character, it’s cringe and Mary Sue and you’ll be ripped to shreds for it.” I’d have to tread so lightly with characters I enjoyed and love them from afar because I felt if I made even a joke post someone would bring it up.

I’ve only just gotten into the cod fandom, found your blog a couple months ago, and it’s given me a lot of like. Idk!! Just “fuck it, do what you want” kinda vibes in the best way? It’s really hard to word this lmao. But since finding your blog I’ve made a 141 character, a shadow, literally shipping an oc with ghost now, and I’m having fun that I wouldn’t have if I didn’t find your blog

So thank you <3

Hello! (｡･∀･)ﾉﾞ

Well, It's been an apparent issue in this fandom. idk why, but when I visit other fandoms, the sense of ownership and possessiveness to the characters is not that high, like what's up with these people I don't know. Like, the characters in media, especially in games, don't belong to anyone except the studios that made them 😭

We as fandom members can create original characters, alternative universes, and stuff for them. I can't imagine a piece of media without fanarts, fics, and OC's really. Heck, that's what keeps the fandom alive. If there's one thing we can learn from history of media, is that you can't hold back people's creativity. OF COURSE, there are cringe ones and unhinged ones, but it's fandom, of course, it's filled with different types of people from normal to bizarre ones.

Here's the thing, just because one person has already shipped their OC with one character, that doesn't mean that character is LOST forever to that one particular OC like it's a damn popularity competition 😭.

I've also seen some people saying that they're so emotionally attached to this one character, that if they see him with someone else's OC. they get super emotional and super angry?? Okay that's just-- WOW.

If you feel uncomfortable seeing your favorite character being shipped with someone else, then that just means that you're NOT ready and not mature enough to be an OC creator and be in a fandom space. Full stop.

and if I may speak from experience, I've lost a few friendships due to being... quite popular OC shipper with Ghost 🥲 I personally don't feel anything when I see other's OC's with Ghost, or any character I like with other OC's -- I EVEN DRAW OTHER OC'S WITH GHOST FOR COMMISSIONS 😭

But yeah, before I yap too much, thank you so much for the good words in the last paragraph! It's very very lovely, and I'm glad you have your own OC to have fun with! Happy creating and happy drawing💖!

#thank you so much!#sleepy's thoughts #been wanting to let this out pretty badly now #cuz my goodness lol the amount of immature asks on my inbox are concerning guyssss #call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #call of duty fandom #tagging the fandom cuz it's a pretty big issue

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centralperkspoison · 10 months

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I Can See You - G. Way

PAIRING: Gerard Way x Fem!Reader

WARNINGS: sexual references, a little fluffy.

SUMMARY: You and Gerard have known each other for years. When you finally confess to him, everything works out! But how do you keep it as a secret? (Based loosely on I Can See You by Taylor Swift)

WORD COUNT: 1.3k

OTHERS: me posting? whattttt?! this was highly inspired by the song I Can See You by Taylor Swift, so I recommend listening to that while you read. Also, I haven't posted a fic in like a year this is crazy. also!!! not my usual work, not that much fluff just more back story. idk i have wrote in a while so im sorry!

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YOU KEPT EVERYTHING PROFESSIONAL. You and him only showed your true emotions behind closed doors. You'd brush past each other in the hallways most of the time ensuring to not let anyone catch on.

Of course, you and Gerard were friends to the public eye. You and him were the two lead singers of My Chemical Romance, but what happened behind closed doors stayed there.

You'd moved next door to the Way family when you were fairly young, quickly becoming friends with the two brothers despite the slight age differences; Mikey was three years older than you and Gerard was six years older, which is why in the beginning everything had to be quiet. But of course, you had kept your feelings for the nerdy older brother hidden since you were six, so that wouldn't be too hard.

When the band began recording for Bullets you had just turned eighteen and Gerard was almost twenty-five, which is when it first started.

"Why don't I understand basic song structure," You groaned. "You clearly have it down."

Gerard scoffed, "I do not have it down whatsoever, I just actually ask for input unlike someone who's stubborn as hell." He laughed.

It was only the two of you on the bus, the rest of the guys were inside a restaurant buying breakfast while before you traveled four hours to only record half the album for Bullets.

"Here, bring it over so I can look at it." He said, sitting up on the couch on the bus. You slowly walked towards him, hoping he wouldn't realize who it was about. You silently hoped he couldn't tell, then sat next to him and handed him the lyrics you had written so far. He began analyzing them and handed them back to you.

"It's good, but the bridge should have more meaning. You've described this person in such a beautiful light, then the bridge is just happily ever after? Include some of the struggle in the relationship." You nod, beginning to write. He watches you closely from over your shoulder causing you to face the other way and lay down on him so he could get a better view. This was nothing unusual for you two, it was normal for you to lay on him or anyone else in the band.

You took his words into consideration, then started writing lyrics along the lines of 'If only he knew,' and 'I could see you being my addiction, you could see me as a secret mission.' along with some more context.

"Hey, (Y/N)?" He called, you could feel his heart speed up from your spot on his chest. "Yes, Gee?" You say, looking up at him. "Who is this about?" He asked quietly, playing with your long hair. You dropped your pencil and sat up, facing him. "Is that really important right now?" "I mean not really, I'm just a bit curious." He says with a slight smirk across his face. You just shrug and walk to where you were sitting previously to the whole song structure conversation. Once you sit down, he began speaking again.

"I mean of course the description sounds a little similar, short black hair, hazel eyes, crooked smile," He says, walking behind your chair and gripping it and looking down at you from over the back of the tall chair. "I would say Frank, but his hair doesn't exactly fall under that category anymore, and when you think about it, I'm the only one with short black hair now." He smirks. He already knew, but he was just trying to play around and have a little fun before he had to make his own scary confession.

"God, okay Gerard, the song is about you." You roll your eyes trying to make it come out as if you're not afraid to say it. "Wait, you're actually admitting it?" "Yes, I have a big fat crush on you, now can you please just turn me down already so I can get over it sooner." You sigh, and he walks around your chair so you two are facing each other now.

"(Y/N), I'm not rejecting you," He smiles. "C'mere." He says, opening his arms for a hug, and you quickly throw yourself in his arms. You two linger in the hug for a while before you take a step back and look up at him. You two were so close your noses were touching.

"May I?" He asks, moving his hand up so he's cupping your jaw. You lean into his touch and nod.

After you two established your feelings, your situationship turned into a relationship that ranged from sweet moments to insanely sexual ones, not that you had a problem with that, of course. It was just difficult keeping it from your best friends.

Eventually, fans began sniffing the two of you out. How you would always sit next to each other in interviews, when you were on stage you would always seem as if you were singing to him and he was singing to you, when they watched Life On The Murder Scene every time there was a video on the bus you'd have your legs sprawled out on top of his or you'd be laying on him, and even away from the bus he'd always send you looks.

You started seeing the fans reactions on Twitter in the two of your comment sections.

(Y/N)(Y/L/N): Day off with my boys! <3

mcrlover616: OMG R U AND GERARD DATING

frerard4li4e: Gerard belongs to Frank, girl. Back off.

bugmomma24356: You and Gerard are so cute ug! <3

After trying to cover up everything to the best of your abilities, nothing made them believe you, even your own band mates started thinking the two of you were together, so you two had to act more distant.

No more laying on him, no more lingering hugs, and definitely no more making out on stage just to "make the crowd go wild".

The two of you had to be entirely secret for almost a year now, and it was the first night of your new tour, Rise Against the Black Parade.

Gerard brushes his shoulder against yours in the hallway while you two walk into the dressing room, shooting you a look. "Oh sorry, (Y/N)." He says quietly and slides his arm across your back before sitting two seats away from you in the dressing room.

Makeup took a while, but you and Gerard were the last to finish. Once your artists left the room he sprung up to lock the door, and quickly met you in the middle of the room.

He rested his hands on your hips and you hand your arms on the back of his neck, while he pressed his lips to yours aggressively. You parted from him for a moment, "Now don't go messing up our makeup," You smirked. "We can fix it ourselves." He grunts, picking you up and placing you on the counter.

The two of you were in there for a total of five minutes before someone started knocking on the dressing room door, causing you to jump like two teenagers caught by parents. "Hello? Who's in there, we need to change!" You hear Frank say from the other side of the door. The two of you quickly check your makeup to make sure it wasn't messed up, then you walked to the door to unlock it before turning to Gerard.

"You know, if stopped hiding... it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world." You said and he began to shake his head. "The age difference, (Y/N)." "It's six years, Gee. At least it's not like twenty or thirty like some other couples." You say, causing him to shrug. "I guess it's not the worst thing in the world."

You walk over and unlock the door allowing Frank to come in with the costume cart. Once he realized it was the two of you he gasped. "You?" He said pointing to Gerard, "And you?" He said pointing to you. You turn to Gerard and tilt your head. "Yeah yeah, big deal." He said walking over to wrap an arm around your waist. That night was one of your best shows yet. You two started showing affection on stage once again, you put your emotion back into your lyrics, and you even got a chance to preform the song you wrote for Gerard that started the whole relationship.

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kittycathat · 3 months

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LGBTQIABCDEFJ is not real just stop. It's made up acronym that is rarely used outside of tumblr. Queer is not an identity its just an adjective. most intersex people explicitly state they do not consider themselves lgbt. Most lgbt people do not want to associate with aro and aces. And most lgbt in the real world living normal lives and not chronically online have little to no contact or knowledge of asexuals we literally dont care. Ur existence is so insignificant offline and if we ever met a self proclaimed aroace het cis man we would probably make sure we never had to associate with him again. Ur not gay just give it up and go live a normal life. Ur a single cis person. U either dont have the emotional capacity to love someone or u are sex repulsed and dont want to have a relationship with someone either way thats just normal and there are plenty of people like that we dont really care if u want to be alone all ur life just leave actual struggling gay people alone and shutup about ur stupid discourse no one cares except urselves.

That is true, the acronym is actually LGBTQIA (with variations,) not LGBTQIABCDEFJ. /sarc

but anyways hi anon! Theres a lot to unpack here

about "lgbtqia is rarely used outside of tumblr": that's the problem, bc we want it to be

about "its not an identity just an adjective": not quite sure what you're on, bc it literally is

about intersex people: this goes against what you just said, and supports that "queer" is an identity even more?? because these intersex people are choosing whether they identify as queer or not

about lgbtqia people not wanting to associate aro or ace people: bro if these are people you actually know irl, please find new friends. Find friends who actually support normal who are living their lives, just without romantic and/or sexual attraction.

about me being chronically online: anon.... i dont think you can talk after you typed out this whole thing as an attempt to make me feel bad... but ok. (also not very related but anonymous hate is a very very pathetic thing to do)

about asexuality being not well known: Also not sure what rock you live under but asexuality is pretty well known??? like the average person (at least where i live) will most likely know what it is.

about cishet aroace men: .. ok but why would i not want to associate with him? plus everyone lgbtqia is "self proclaimed" so idk bro

about not having "emotional capacity": bro what the hell do you want me to do,, i've literally never felt romantic attraction in my life

about "there are plenty of people like that": People might not want to be in romantic relationships for a number of reasons, but if it's because they don't feel romantic attraction... then they're aro-spec. Thank you for supporting the aro community by saying it's normal <333

about "we dont really care if u want to be alone all ur life": bro its the internet if you don't like what i'm talking about just SCROLL

about leaving "actual struggling gay people" alone: .. when did i do anything against gay people? Plus if you're trying to stop hate... why did you anonymously send a literal hate essay to me

about "ur not gay just live a normal life": omg you got something right!! i'm actually not gay!! (so proud of you <3) Also i do live a normal life, i am so basic you can't even imagine

about no one caring: well you see.. thats the problem. that's part of why i post about aromanticism, because i want people to be actually supportive

anyways! tysm for reading all that. please be civil in comments, and be kind to everyone guys <3

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ekaterina1233 · 10 months

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PART 1: Dazai Osamu x Fem!Reader (SFW)

Warnings: in part 1 its gonna be fluff and stuff like that, slight make out in public, but very slight. idk what else I put here, i dont remember my own story... Sorry if I wrote something wrong, english is not my first language.

Words: idk, but is quite long.

Extra: Y/N is Ranpo's sister, but Dazai do not know. yet. Y/N will have brown hair and brown eyes, but you can change if you want. Idk how to describe her personality.

Dazai Osamu x Fem!Reader

"Hello there, mind if I sit here?"

The bandaged man asked you for permission despite sitting in the seat opposite you before you could even answer.

"I'm Dazai, I work for the detective agency upstairs. I haven't seen your face in this café before... What's your name?"

He leans his face into his hands as he looks at you with some interest. His eyes then slightly widen in realization.

"Oh! But please don't tell Kunikida-kun I'm here!"

She looks at him startled by the sudden appearance, but then she says:

"Well, it's kind of inconvenient for you to ask and go sit down, but I don't really care. My name is Y/N..."

She says her name teasingly, then she repeats his movements, resting her face in her hands and gently leaning towards him, looking at him with a certain curiosity.

Dazai is quite taken aback by her reaction to him, he blushes slightly while still looking into her eyes.

"It is a little strange, even for me, I'm normally more gentle about how I get to talking with a girl. Oh, I'm just so excited to have someone new to spend time with, that's why my heart is racing. My heart has never raced like this. Hmmm,"

He pauses to take in the moment, and the woman's appearance.

"Nice to meet you, Y/N."

"Maybe you're already falling in love..."

She speaks seductively, staring into their eyes, and she could see that he was looking at her intently, first his eyes went over her long, wavy brown hair, with a short medium fringe, then to her face, admiring her slightly reddened mouth, then her deep brown eyes, but at the same time innocent and mischievous.

"I can feel your gaze on me, Dazai~"

She says playfully, but she also admired his attractive features.

Dazai's face is now a deep red. He's now looking everywhere but her face, his gaze wandering away to avoid eye contact with her.

"...I-I don't know you!"

He squeaks softly, his voice catching in his throat.

"How did you know my name!"

He asks her, seemingly oblivious to the seduction in her voice.

"I don't know you either, but this is more fun. You're so nervous you forgot the first thing you told me was your name and where you work, silly."

She says in between giggles and getting ready to leave the establishment.

"So-... you're leaving?"

Dazai feels a mix of emotions, one being slight disappointment as he watches her get up, ready to leave.

"What about a... date? You know... We could go out? Maybe to the movies or something? The park even, it's such a nice day outside. I'm sorry, I'm being so sudden with you, I-I just..."

Dazai looks away, his face a little more red.

"I just enjoy talking with you,"

He looks back towards Y/N.

She starts laughing again, and goes to the waitress, paying for her coffee and then leaving, ignoring Dazai's lines, but she gives him one last look, smiling.

"N-no wait! Give me your number at least!"

Dazai stands up, ready to chase after this woman and give himself a chance to convince her to spend a little time with him.

"I just couldn't let someone as gorgeous as you run off without at least seeing you once again!"

She turns towards Dazai, looking at him playfully, with a small smile on her lips.

"Okay then, I'll give you my number, but don't expect me to answer or call you, Dazai~"

She then quickly steals a peck from Dazai and laughs, disappearing into the crowd.

Dazai looks at his lips, which now feel rather warm, for a few long seconds. He sighs before dialing her number to verify if she gave him the correct number. When he dials her number, he realizes that she gave him the wrong number.

Dazai sighs, he wasn't really surprised by her not being honest with him. It seems as though he's just not lucky with women, but what he doesn't understand is why she kissed him to begin with.

"Why do all women do this?"

He asks aloud, feeling a bit bitter.

Dazai starts talking to himself about how he's not lucky with women, but then he puts his hands in his coat pockets and feels a crumpled paper, he takes the paper seeing that it's written her real number, on the paper it says :

"I just wanted to trick you a little, that's the real number, silly."

Dazai smiles widely, he didn't expect her to do something like this, but nonetheless he feels like a new lease on life has opened before him. He dials the number immediately, and waits for it to ring on the other end.

After a few seconds, he hears a female voice on the other end of the call, he soon recognizes it as Y/N voice:

"Who's calling me? Come forward before I hang up and block you"

Dazai hears her say those words aggressively, but still playfully.

Dazai is a bit surprised by her manner of speaking, but he's still filled with joy.

"Y/N, it's Dazai! Remember me? I was that guy who sat opposite of you in the café, you gave me a fake number earlier..."

Dazai pauses when he realizes he's talking in a bit of a panicked style.

"I'm sorry for calling you suddenly like this, I just..."

He pauses again, looking away from the phone so that she can't hear the slight blush in his voice.

He hears her laughing softly on the call and she soon says in between giggles:

"Of course I remember you, sorry about that. Sorry to give you a fake number, wanted to play with you a bit, too bad I wasn't around to see your sad face..."

She says teasingly and playfully.

Dazai laughs, his mood improving further.

"It's okay, it's okay. I did feel a little sad when you gave me a fake number, I won't lie."

Dazai is now feeling brave enough to ask directly for what he's after, a first.

"Say, Y/N, you might remember that I asked you on a date earlier, would you still like to go on one? If you're busy, a few days from now?"

He can hear her making little noises, as if she's thinking of what to say. After a few seconds, she says jokingly:

"I only date guys who are confident, you don't look confident, you look nervous."

He can feel her smiling on the other end of the call.

Dazai is taken aback, but he still has some confidence left.

"That's right, I'm nervous. I'm nervous talking to you, Y/N. You are quite beautiful, and it's making me nervous to talk to you. I've only tried to ask one girl out before, and she immediately rejected me. You know what? I'm gonna ask you one more time, Y/N. Can we go on a date?"

He can hear her make a small noise of surprise, she's clearly taken aback:

"Hmm~~ Yes, I'll go out with you, but don't get too excited, I can leave you alone in the day~"

She says clearly a little embarrassed.

"No, never. I won't make you leave me alone on this date."

Dazai's voice is no longer tense, it is now filled with confidence and joy.

"Well then," he pauses to look at his watch, "How about we meet in the park in ten minutes?"

He waits for her answer, he's feeling more excited than he has in a while. A big smile spreads across his face.

She responds gently:

"In 10 minutes? Maybe I'll be a little late, I'm a little far away, but I'll come~"

She hangs up suddenly, not waiting for him to answer.

Dazai puts his phone back in his pocket, thinking that he finally got the girl of his dreams. He looks at the time on his phone again.

"Okay then... I've got ten minutes."

He whispers to himself, and gets up to walk to the park and wait for her. It doesn't take long for him to reach the nearest park, and as he's looking around it appears that he'll have to wait for her. Dazai sits down on a bench and waits, looking at his phone every 5 seconds.

After 15 minutes of waiting, Dazai starts to lose hope and starts to get up from the bench, thinking about calling her.

Just as he's getting up from the bench, his phone rings.

"Huh? Who's this?"

Dazai says as he pulls out his phone, feeling a slight bit of disappointment as Y/N didn't show up. He then sees the call is from Y/N phone number. He answers the call,

"Yes? Y/N? What happened? Where are you?"

He hears her laughing hysterically, then she starts talking between her laughs:

"Maybe I got lost, Dazai~ I'm near a corner and a church with a pink tree next to me and I don't see any park that close"

She says laughing, but Dazai can feel her tense and nervous.

"Pink tree?"

Dazai scratches his head, wondering if she's making things up to get out of going on this date or if she's truly that lost.

"You know what? Stay there, I know where that tree is. I'll be there in around five minutes."

He says with a sigh, this girl is giving him a hard time but he's not gonna give up. He starts walking in the direction of the tree, trying to find Y/N.

"Ok then, I will wait for you here~"

She says between giggles again and then hangs up the call.

Dazai doesn't take his time, so he gets there relatively soon, five minutes or so. When he reaches the area she's in, he looks around for her, but to no avail. He looks at his phone, and sees that he's got another call from Y/N. He answers it and says in a bit of a panick.

"Where are you? I can't see you. Are you playing a trick on me?"

"I asked a cute old lady for help and she brought me to the park"

She responds and then sends him a selfie of her and the park he was just at.

Dazai stares at his phone for a moment, relieved, but his face then turns nervous again.

"Y/N… please… Don't play these games… I'm not very good at these things."

He sighs and starts walking quickly towards her.

"Please wait for me, Y/N…"

He can hear her sweet laugh over the phone

"Sorry about that, but don't tell me you're tired of walking already?"

She asks jokingly and teasing him, still sitting on the park bench, but she gets distracted when a cat approaches her, she is completely distracted and enchanted by the cat that her doesn't even notice Dazai coming up behind her. Dazai walks up to her, but then he pauses to look at the scene, her and the cat. She's completely distracted by the cat, so he just stands there and waits til she notices him.

She doesn't notice the presence behind her and starts muttering to the cat softly, with a completely different personality:

"Hey cutie, did you know I'm on a date with a tall, dark, attractive guy? He seems so much fun, I don't know if he'll like me, I know I've already stressed him out."

she keeps muttering to the little cat next to her:

"What will he think of me? I'm very nervous. I teased and joked with him until now, saying that I only go out with confident guys, but that was a lie, I don't go out with anyone, neither am I confident, or pretty enough... I don't know why I said so many provocative things, I get embarrassed just remembering. By the way, can you believe I stole a kiss from him?"

She talks to the cat gently caressing his fur, giving the cat a little kiss and finally noticing the presence of a certain brunette.

Dazai chuckles quietly at her monologue as he's listening to her, and she's just ranting and venting to this small cat who understands nothing that she's saying. He doesn't move an inch until she says something about a kiss, which makes him want to just burst out laughing. He has a hard time containing his laughing.

"Y/N… I'm right here. And don't lie, you're beautiful. And very cute when you're acting like this."

He says while still trying his best to keep a straight face. He turns quickly towards his voice, jumping off the bench scaring the little cat over there.

"Hey…Dazai… Thanks, I guess…"

She says blushing heavily and looking away.

"Did you hear everything? Like, everything?"

Dazai laughs some more, and then walks closer to her, saying:

"I did hear everything. And in my opinion, that little cat wouldn't understand a single thing you said."

He then smiles at her and asks:

"Hey, could I ask you to do something for me?"

"Well... Can I ask for that kiss you stole from me? If you're comfortable with that, that is."

Dazai says softly, still smiling kindly.

"I saw you give this cute cat a lot better kiss than you gave me... I want a kiss too."

He says jokingly, yet still hoping for a simple yes from Y/N.

She looks directly at Dazai, blushing slightly again, Dazai swears he saw a little lust deep in her eyes...

"So you want a kiss...~"

After she says that, she stands on her tiptoes and wraps her arms around Dazai's neck, leaning towards him and waiting for him to initiate the kiss.

Dazai doesn't wait long to initiate, as he leans in and goes in for a kiss. He's never had such a beautiful girl kiss him before, and he just has to kiss her back. Y/N hair is soft against his cheek, and her head fits well in the space between his neck and shoulder. Her lips were soft, and they tasted sweet, like honey. He closes his eyes to enjoy the moment, and then takes a step back, smiling.

She finds his kiss addictive and pulls him back to her, kissing him passionately again, not caring if they are in public or not. Dazai laughs softly as she pulls him back towards her. He puts one hand on her waist and the other on her hip, he doesn't stop kissing her either and kisses her with passion. He pulls her closer and closer to him, her body fit perfectly with his. Dazai was starting to enjoy this. Maybe he could even… no, he's getting ahead of himself.

She gently bites his lips and gently pulls his hair, looking deeply into his eyes, and then she looks away at the little cat and sits back on the bench with her body feeling hot after that kiss, she tries to cross her legs to relieve her lust for the man beside her.

The way she bit his lips and pulled his hair, made him feel something deep within himself. He was starting to feel a bit hot too, and he looked at her lustfully. Then she looked at the cat... and he decided to do something that would surely make the day memorable. Dazai sits close to her on the bench, his right arm around her and his left hand holding her hand. He pulls her close to him, leaning back onto her, and then whispers in her ear.

"Let's find somewhere a little more private. To uh, talk...~"

She laughs softly and blushes heavily.

"I've known you for 30 minutes"

She looks at him with innocent eyes, like she's a doll that could break any minute.

"I know"

He says teasingly, putting his hand on her knee and looking at her as if he's been completely seduced.

"I know that we've only known each other for a short time, but I feel like I've known you for years~"

He leans closer to her and whispers again.

"I want to know you better. Your tastes, who you are... I'd really appreciate it if you'd come with me to my apartment for a while... to, uh... talk some more~"

He looks at her with a sly smile.

She smiles seductively and pulls him by the collar, giving him a memorable kiss.

"Ok then ~ show me the way.."

She says getting up from the bench...

PART 2 IS COMING SOON....

THANKS FOR READING <3

SORRY AGAIN IF I WROTE SOMETHING WRONG, ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE... <3

#bsd x reader #bsd dazai #bungou stray dogs #dazai fluff #dazai x reader #dazai x y/n #dazai smut #osamu dazai x reader #dazai osamu x reader #dazai bsd

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the-cat-and-the-birdie · 8 months

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Neurodivergency stuff:

Having a character hyperfixation is so bizarre

[a rant about how character hyperfixations are different than special interests, how seeing Hobies makes me feel, and also daydreams that I don't necessarily control]

I talk about stuff like this here because I feel it should be normalized 🥺😁

I love Hobie. He's my hyperfixation.

But it's not like a special interest or normal hyperfixation. Like I love trains and subways and metros and I'll eat up ANYTHING about them but like - the interest is completely from an intellectual standpoint.

My Hobie hyperfixation is completely different.

Bruh I get about as much comfort looking at his photo as I do like hugging my own mother or some shit and that's not an understatement

Especially actual screenshots of the movie. Like I love fanart but for it to hit right it has to be 'actually him'.

Looking at photos of him genuinely calms me down and thinking about his voice makes me feel safe. I trust him.

I can accurately 'daydream' about him doing almost anything in vivid detail, but I'm not necessarily in control of him in those daydreams. There are just certain things he won't do. If I ask him a question I won't know the answer unless I 'ask' him. And if I don't like is answer I can't just change it cause he said what he said!!!

Um but yeah at least for me it's way more than 'Oh I love this character and reading fics about him' and way closer to 'this is somehow a person to me I talk to through my head. And I can feel the same warm feelings towards him as I do an actual existing human.

I know I can't touch him or hug him - and that gives the exact same emotion as if you were missing a friend that went away to college.

I know it's not the same, but my brain produces the same feeling from different scenarios than other people.

Like just by looking at this photo I can imagine the way his vest feels and what is like to hold his hand, and the fabric of his shirt, the way he smells, his guitar by my leg - and it's like ... I'm not trying to do that that's just what happens when I look at the photo

AND I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT ANY OTHER WAY OR ANY CLEARER AND I-

At least twice I week I have a daydream of Hobie rubbing my back and telling me to calm down and how he understands why I'm upset all in his accent in a very specific detailed rendition of his home thats never been shown on screen before-

And the emotional response is just as real and holds weight in my brain the same. It's way beyond just an intellectual interest, at least in my case.

Character hyperfixations are more emotional connections.

And IDK if that's how it is for everyone else??!!!! But uhhhh!!!!! Yeah- ummmm- haha yah mhm

I hope somebody can relate but like waking up and looking at a Hobie photo feels like waking up beside him and THAT'S THE TRUTH and if you think that's weird or cringe then

Homie idk what you want me to tell you it is what it is

And some people may find that weird or cringe or whatever I don't give the slightest fuck because isn't that amazing that the human brain can do that - see a human creation and take some much meaning and emotion from it, making a full circle of human creation and art powered souly by human emotion and the ridiculously sophisticated imagination humans are only capable of through centuries of evolution right

But can somebody tell me if it's like this for them or if not what does your Hobie hyperfixation look like

Also if you have daydreams too please tell me about them like can you control him in them like a Barbie doll, or is he completely independent?

Mines is probably 90% independent - there's somethings either outside of his character or things he just won't do

[like for those who follow me, in my head I can ask Hobie to take me to the locked basement, and he'll absolutely say no. And if I try to imagine him doing it, the daydream I imagine is a lot more paperthin, plus Hobie will say "That's not it and that's not me, quit imagining me like that-" and I can't continue the daydream

I-]

Since I just exposed myself lemme just-

#HELLO IS THIS THING ON #spiderman #atsv #hobie brown #marvel #spider man #spider punk #spiderpunk #across the spiderverse #Autism #ADHD #neurodivergency #actuallyautistic #actuallyadhd #madd #maladaptive daydreaming

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daz4i · 7 months

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please please please share dazai fear analysis 🤲

hehe well i'm not gonna get too in depth (mostly bc my brain isn't at 100% atm) but a short version bc i don't wanna leave you hanging,

i'm basing this on no longer human and yozo, like most of my dazai analysis hehe. in nlh he talks often about how painfully afraid he is of p much everything, because he doesn't understand people, and he doesn't want to get caught if he does anything wrong, too afraid to say no because he doesn't know how the other person will react, etc

i think. if you apply this reading to bsd dazai, a lot of his behavior makes sense, as well as adds depth to him and his more questionable actions

a p obvious example: the whole meursault arc, i think he is genuinely afraid to die, because he knows if he does then fyodor will come out on top and hurt his loved ones, destroy the whole world even. clearly, he is afraid of losing the people dear to him (but that's a very normal reaction lbr lol)

a general example: his constant acting like everything is fine to hide his real emotions - which, during his early mafia days, took form in looking blank and emotionless - can be a fear response of not knowing how other people will react to his true feelings, either due to past trauma where his emotions were dismissed or he got hurt for expressing them, or imo, more likely, due to a lack of understanding other people and not quite knowing what'll tick them off

(which might sound silly, bc he purposely ticks people off and looks to annoy people. but, this is a way to have control over the situation. that if the other person gets mad at him, he clearly knows why, he knows what he did to cause this, so this is like a precautionary measure to make sure he's not caught off guard. his fear isn't quite of their anger, or even getting hurt by their anger, but rather a lack of control or understanding of the situation)

a possibly controversial example: the way he acted with akutagawa during the dark era. i think, if you look at his actions as "basically a kid who is afraid to see this kid he found get hurt in combat, so he tries to make him stronger no matter what, and in the meantime is afraid to get attached in case the other kid does die so he tries to distance himself from him emotionally" it ofc doesn't excuse his actions, but imo, makes them. a bit more understandable, in a way. at least enough to somewhat empathize with him more

[this might be a slight side tangent but i have this hc i firmly believe in, that dazai caused ryuu's lung disease by injuring him somehow (given how he doesn't have it in the beast universe), and one of the reasons he's more gentle with atsushi is because he's afraid to hurt him too. not the main reason, but i do think it may add some depth here]

i do think he eased up after being in the ada for awhile - life became mostly predictable, nothing he couldn't handle - but. things changed, and now he's on edge again (turning you to story's lovely analysis that i keep referencing in a lot of my own dazai analysis bc it's so so good). fyodor coming back into his life certainly didn't help, either

now. since i can't not bring up his relationship with chuuya. i do think he has an easier time trusting chuuya because he knows he can handle himself. he doesn't feel the need to control him - always leaving him a choice in their plans - because he's not afraid of what could happen to him, he knows chuuya will be fine. also, their relationship started in such an awful way he doesn't need to hide his emotions around him :P this is why i think he has an easier time being with chuuya really, he's a momentary break from being in constant fear. this might also be why he's so obnoxious when chuuya's around lmao (idk how much of this is actual analysis rather than "if you read them this way it adds a nice depth" so feel free to take this part with a grain of salt, i will always be the first to admit i'm not the best at reading skk hehe)

and while i didn't finish sb yet he does seem to be. really afraid in a lot of the scenes he's in, from what i read so far askjdfg bc now chuuya is in real danger! in a way he can't predict! this hasn't happened yet! (but i could ofc bc very wrong abt that lol)

(also i gotta say. i think this is what odasaku was for him too - ofc in addition to other things - bc he knows odasaku wouldn't hurt him or react in a bad way even if he did anything outrageous. and that's in part what made his rejection in beast so devastating for him, bc it shakes up one of the only safe things in his life)

i'd say, dazai's fear isn't paralyzing, at least not for more than a second a time. it makes him active, makes him overthink, over-analyze, over-prepare. and at the same time, he does it mostly from behind the scenes, through nudging and subtle encouragements, because he may possibly fear that if he went at it with full force, the people he already got attached to will reject him (bc at his core, i think he doesn't want to be alone, but that's a topic for another time). but more importantly - that he will become like fyodor, or like mori, who see people as disposable if it helps them further their goals

^now this is more of his current self, at least. i'd argue mafia!dazai's fears were different, more of a direct fear from people and how they might hurt him, so it's best for him to go along with what they say. and, a fear of a lack of meaning. he does constantly look for a reason to live, and that may come from a fear that his existence is truly meaningless (and while for most people this fear may express itself as fearing death as well, in dazai's case it's his suicidal tendencies. kind of like proving his fear is real, the way a kid might look at the monster they think is scary to convince themselves it can't hurt them. he will die and prove his existence WAS meaningless, but that idea can't actually hurt him at the end of the day if he chooses it. idk if this analogy makes sense to anyone but me tho lmao sorry)

i. don't know how clear this is. i may have lost the plot there at some point. again let me clarify this is obviously not a "this is how dazai is and any other reading is wrong" but more like "if you apply this reading it changes the context of his characters and explains his behavior and how i personally see him". also a lot of projection 👍 ajsdfghj feel free to see it as just a thought experiment if it doesn't quite fit your perception of him :)!

#and ofc as usual it's awesome and poggers if you disagree but be respectful about it 🙏#dan rambles #me: i will keep this short / me now: hm.#i just. kept finding more things to say. but. i think that ended up making this post very messy i'm sorry 😭#i might at some point clean it up and organize it and add more points and turn it into a real analysis 🫡#(also a disclaimer abt the brief mori mention: this is how i think 22!dazai sees him. not necessarily how he actually is)#(i know he's more complex than that asdsfjgh)#long post

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catgirl-catboy · 5 months

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Mikan Tsumiki has Histrionic Personality Disorder

I bet you thought I was joking about typing up a whole analysis on this. Let me preface this by saying I'm not histrionic myself, so please let me know if I make any mistakes when discussing this.

This is less of a headcanon, and more of a theory due to the large amount of evidence, that being said, if you dislike or disagree with it, that's a-okay!

A nice long analysis under the cut.

To those unfamiliar with HPD, Wikipedia defines it as "a personality disorder characterized by a pattern of excessive attention-seeking behaviors, usually beginning in early adulthood" which certainly fits what we see of Mikan in canon.

Here's a screenshot for evidence:

That being said, we should point out that Mikan's behaviours in high stress situations like a killing game isn't equivalent to how she'd behave normally. That being said, lets get into the actual diagnostic criteria for HPD!

I think we can right away check off E, since deliberately falling in suggestive positions is one of Mikan's main character quirks. I could post the CG of her doing this as evidence, but lets not.

I also feel like D is another easy criteria to mark off, since most of Mikan's relationships are characterized by her desire for approval and appreciation. This is most notable with her abusive relationship with Junko, but we also see some shades of this during her FTEs with Hajime, implying it isn't specific to this bad relationship.

Mikan needs somebody in her life that forgives her existence, and every action, both positive and negative, she takes. But that isn't all the evidence that I have that Mikan is continuously seeking appreciation and approval from others, since its a large part of her talent.

A lot of ways Mikan gets positive attention from others is through nursing them back to health, and its one of the few areas in her life she feels confident in. That being said, in one of her FTEs she says some... questionable things about her patents.

And here it is again in Danganronpa S, showing it wasn't just her phrasing things oddly.

Her working as a nurse isn't completely altruistic, since she feeds off the attention and power she has over her patients.

I think that checks off "continual seeking for excitement, appreciation by others, and activities in which the patient is the centre of attention" really solidly. I have less evidence for the rest of the diagnostic criteria, but I believe they fit anyway. I feel like she fits "self-dramatization, theatricality, exaggerated expression of emotions;"

but its a bit harder to say for sure due to a lot of Danganronpa characters doing the same thing, so its unclear how normal Mikan's reactions are in her own universe.

Mikan has one of the more extreme breakdowns of the series, but she was not entirely in her right mind at the time, so idk if I should count it. She also has a very extreme shot to the heart event compared to other characters, where Hajime must propose to her to get the best ending.

Here are some quotes where she has a very exaggerated emotional expression, for your consideration. ""Ah! I-I'm sorry for laughing so suddenly! I-It's just...I can't help it. I'm just so happy, I can't remember the last time I made any friends... Ah, not that you actually want to be friends with me! I'm soooo sorry I said something so...presumptuous! I'll do anything you say... Just...please don't hate me...!"" ""Ah, so in the end...you're all just a bunch of bullies, huh? Justifying your actions with fancy words... M-Making excuses for why it's not really your fault... E-Everyone always treats me like that... Always... "It's all her fault..." "Sh-She's the one with the problem..." I...I'm done with that! You hear me!? I'm doooooooooone! It's not fair...It's not fair not fair not fair notfair notfair notfair notfairnotfairnotfairnotfairnotfair... Why won't you forgive me!? If you did something wrong...you'd forgive yourself right away...! What did I do!? Why won't anybody forgive me!?""

I also think there's a solid argument for her meeting the "over-concern with physical attractiveness." criteria! It is the main way she gets attention, after all. A lot of her comments have to do with her body, and a lot of the presents she likes are things she can wear.

So long as you belive one of the 'maybe' criteria, then she has enough for a proper HPD diagnosis.

#hpd #histrionic personality disorder #mikan tsumiki #danganronpa

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miracles-and-butterflies · 3 months

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I've been thinking about this angsty AU for a while know...

But...what if each of the gifted Madrigals snapped before Antonio's ceremony?

Bruno was the first; He cracked under the pressure before Mirabel's ceremony. Honestly, being seen as a bad omen/curse, constantly giving out "bad" or unreadable visions that he knows will be seen as bad, practically being forced to give visions knowing they'll get a bad reaction, and constant migraines/headaches can't be good for someone's mental health.

The order of the other's snapping (I'm going in the order of age)

Pepa (after Antonio's birth) - So stressed out and emotionally unstable that she snapped and caused a rainstorm for a whole week until her body gave out.

Julieta (A year or two after Pepa)- Not sure what to do for her.

Isabela (When Antonio was two/three)- How would being the golden child and put under the perfection pedestal not take a toll on you mentally?

Dolores (a six months after Isa) - It could surround something about hearing way too many sounds/voices at once.

Luisa (four months after Lolo) - Surface pressure got too much to handle.

Camilo (two months after Lu) - Identity crisis, constantly told that YOU aren't needed but the other person is. In other words, feeling like you yourself aren't special at all. Need I say more?

By the time Antonio was four the only Madrigals what were left were Alma, Felix, Agustin, and Mirabel. How do you think you would interpret this au?

Do you think there are any mental hospitals in Encanto? I mean, there is always going to be people with mental issues so there has to be one. But I don't think a normal mental hospital could house such gifted people that could possibly turn into a threat at any given moment.

Idk, this is just an idea and maybe you could be a little more elaborate with it. But honestly, how do you think the gift less Madrigals would react to this happening? (and maybe the villagers?)

(Also, I don't think Antonio would be getting a gift in this au. The candle/Casita is way too scared of the pressure he may be put under and what it might cause. But it's up to you though)

Okay, I have ideas for this!

I’ll call it Separated.

My only note is why would the family separate and just abandon each other? Specifically, the wives leaving their spouses and the literal five-year-old. It makes more sense that they stay together.

Order and why the family finally snapped:

Bruno (1938) - basically the same as said here, but no relation to Mirabel. His reputation started falling after Pepa’s wedding, but by this point, there was nothing to be saved and he had no will to try save it. (The headaches thing isn’t necessary; Julieta can heal him).

Isabela (1944) - in response to being told she was going to start courting and ultimately marry Mariano, but the whole ‘perfect, golden child’ definitely added to the emotions. She didn’t leave the family straightaway, due to her age, but stopped following Abuela’s orders. She also began asking her parents if they could leave.

Pepa (1945) - following Antonio’s birth and her mother’s concerns over whether or not he would be gifted. Alongside her own suppressing of emotions and the equally poor treatment of Dolores. She finally had enough. Félix never officially snapped, just agreed with his wife without hesitation.

Dolores (1945, a few weeks after Pepa) - inspired by her mother, Dolores had also reached her boiling point shortly after and felt confident to express it. Not that it was necessary for her to do as she was obviously going to be leaving with her parents and brothers. But she felt that she should get the chance to for her voice to be heard.

Agustín (1946) - he had recently become aware of the townspeople’s treatment of Luisa and refused to stay a moment longer. If the warm family got out, so can they. To the point he threatened divorce against Julieta, was just going to take Luisa and leave. Julieta never officially snapped, just agreed with her husband; though it was after a few discussions.

Luisa (1949) - though her father’s snap happened earlier and in relation to her, she didn’t feel quite the same; that might be age and insecurity talking. Her treatment did briefly get better because of her father but settled back to old way soon enough and then got even worse. She was done being a mule for the townspeople, for some of the stupidest reasons.

Camilo (1950) - being a teenager is hard enough, a time for finding yourself and your identity. Chucking shapeshifting and those implications on top isn’t easy. He is the most recent member of the Madrigals to snap, though is the only one to suggest a desire to be a normal family. He is still a child - he just wants to play and hang out with the other kids.

Is there a mental health hospital in Encanto? No. It’s a rural town in the middle of nowhere. And it’s 1950. (Not that it matters because Encanto is frozen in the late 1800s). If they were to have anything, it would be a small asylum - which nobody would want anything to do with for very understandable reasons.

Alma, still very warped in her grief, probably doesn’t take this very well at all. With every separation, she just gets worse. The family is breaking all over again - she is losing them, not so different from how she lost Pedro. Maybe even worse because they are still alive, they just want nothing to do with her.

The husbands are in obvious support/defence of their wives and children. They are outsiders to this family, they are a little bit better at picking up on the pressure they are being put under and how it’s not normal. They only want the best for their families and won’t just accept being put through such extremes.

Mirabel is a little ignorant to this all. Being the actual giftless one, she was never hugely included in any of the discussions or such. She doesn’t question too much, she wouldn’t want to overstep. She had accepted her place on the sidelines a little more - even if her family is no longer front and centre (in the way they were before), she just sticks to the background and tends not to get involved with any family drama.

Antonio, who isn’t getting a gift - he doesn’t even live in Casita, so he wouldn’t even know about his door - doesn’t have much thoughts about this. His family’s separation happened so early in his life that he doesn’t known anything beyond this. This is just normal. He’s too young to understand or really be too curious either.

#encanto #ask me anything #encanto separated au #isabela madrigal #mirabel madrigal #luisa madrigal #dolores madrigal #camilo madrigal #antonio madrigal #julieta madrigal #agustín madrigal #pepa madrigal #félix madrigal #alma madrigal #bruno madrigal

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nyaagolor · 7 months

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what do you think of Carmine and Kieran so far? My stance is that even though neither of them are abusive and do care deeply about each other (and seeing people say they are abusive, especially about Carmine, makes me really sad), I do think that their relationship is definitely NOT a "normal sibling relationship" and both of them do have a bunch of Capital I Issues. But them having Capital I Issues that complicate their relationship while still caring (which FURTHER complicates things) and not being bad people at all is what make them so interesting to me and it's a vicious cycle I LOVE VICIOUS CYCLES OF MISCOMMUNICATION AND MESSY RELATIONSHIPS!!! I'm so normal (lying)

absolutely adore them, Pokemon has really filled this game to the absolute brim with characters who 1. Behave like real people 2. Have actual personalities with arcs that don't act like complete archetypes. God fucking Bless.

The general reaction to the DLC tho has surprised me in the worst way possible. The characters in these games are significantly better written than any pokemon characters in the past but ultimately, they are still pokemon characters. Most of their personality traits are made abundantly and explicitly clear to the audience by the story's end. There is not much digging you really have to do here

And yet! I'm sitting here watching Carmine's reception and thinking back to Nemona, because both of them have a pretty clearly defined personality that I really didn't think were possible to misinterpret. Despite the fact that they are laughably easy characters to understand on a fundamental level people STILL have managed to mischaracterize them to the point of consistently putting discourse on my dash about it. "Carmine is abusive" Carmine is like 15. She is a teenage girl with a younger brother. This is how teenagers behave, especially insecure ones like Carmine is implied to be. She overcompensates and is kind of rude like 3 times and lets her caring nature slip constantly because she feels things extremely strongly. She gets really worked up over everything Because She Is A Teenager. I don't understand why this is difficult

I'm not even sure I would go as far as to say Carmine has Capital I Issues (tho that's a lil subjective, ymmv?) because everything just kinda feels like pretty typical teenager stuff? Like yeah she has issues but they're pretty much exactly what happened to like half the people I knew in high school. And honestly I adore that, it resonates with a lot of people and feels like a good representation of actual teenagers and their problems. It's not especially grandiose but it IS real. Her and Kieran's relationship having strain because they are both kids figuring out how to deal with each other and their emotions is a dope conflict to display in a pokemon game and I think fits in with the more grounded arcs and conflicts we've seen in the base game. It's nice

Kieran's fucked in the head tho idk what that bitch's problems are but I wanna watch him lose it. it'll be funny as hell. I hope his relationship with Carmine gets better but I want it to get worse first

#mod vex #ask #sorry this got long #i need people to be normal #please god.

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eclaire-went-bam · 10 days

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i'm gonna post this here bcs initially i posted it to cf on instagram but frankly i have too many cfs who don't know i'm Disordered™ in this way LMAO

this isn't a super emotional vent & shouldn't have any triggers However it is a super annoyed one

i think i try too often to be "silly" scary & mean & Obviously i don't Actually Try to be either of those, i just like being annoying. i find i do this automatically with "friends" who aren't an ep — if everyone else leaves and i'm stuck with just an ep, i suddenly act like a normal person again LMAO

but anyways point is: in this act, i act really stupid on purpose. i act like a cartoon character. i'm a creature of Show✨. i often make subtle jokes abt murder & stuff that'd probably be seen as angsty teenager cringe. i tease people in a very well-meaning but annoying way. this is my persona that has been established in these circles. i want to make it clear, people do not get offended when i'm like this & when they do i make sure to ask about it & apologise bcs that's ~Healthy~ & at the end of the day they usually seem to really enjoy the way i act (some ppl actually seem to enjoy the attention from teasingly psychoanalysing them A Bit Too Much haha)

but SOMETIMES someone takes the act a bit too seriously?? thinking i'm actually Trying to be mean or threatening or whatevs??? & goes "ur gonna have to try harder than that!! it's not working!!!!" and i'm like okaaaayyyyy big boy

& then i actually do what they say & suddenly it hits a wound a bit too deep. just one single sentence.

this just happened 2 days ago & i get it but idk maybe don't get too proud when it's clear it's just fun&games (the same fun&games as Always) & then get shocked.

frankly, i will not feel bad

& i often don't even realise what is “too far” (it's either probably the autism or the low empathy + egocentrism = i wouldn't be hurt if someone said it to me, so why would others?) most times so maybe don't make it a competition bcz then my narc brain Will compete & then try to make me feel bad abt it

me when i'm in friend groups where i constantly intentionally do & say things so everyone thinks i'm stupid & then i act like i'm not for once ;;;

listen. i may not feel guilty for my actions. i may even think you're Unwise for making your ticks so obvious & then proceeding to act like they aren't. however i would greatly appreciate it if you didn't make it some competition that you can't be scared or offended when you very clearly Can Be, you just think you can't be by me bcs you think a cute little afab like wittle ole me is incapable. & then it all gets soooo awkward afterwards even when i try to apologise but they keep going on abt how it was Too Far and That Hurt & when they finally stop they're just awkwardly quiet until they leave

i can understand getting competitive like this & doing whatever necessary to "win" is not a healthy trait & is probably a result of x y & z npd stuff & yes i did feel very ugly when they started belittling me out of Nowhere but idkkk right now i'm just annoyedddd

usually if someone gets like that i have an ep w/ me who knows i'm a narc i can dm to tell them what i Wanted to say & they can laugh w me (sometimes just acting stupid with others but in the know with an ep makes the feeling go away without actually needing to risk doing anything toxic) but they weren't there this time </222

#npd vent #cluster b #cluster b things #npd #narcissistic personality disorder #bpd #borderline personality disorder #-> i dont have these but this might be a general cluster b shared experience kinda thing idk #hpd #histrionic personality disorder #aspd #antisocial personality disorder #long post #idk maybe

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nightdemon04 · 8 months

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First try at angst let me know what you think!

I gave this fanfic a very personal spin so i hope it's not too bad.

Angsty? Comfort? Idk you can decide

Warning! Self isolation, mention of sh and sh scars. If any of these trigger you please don't read.

Atsushi Nakajima x gn reader.

Enjoy!!

I splashed water on my face and look at myself in the mirror. Eyes puffy from my latest crying session, i took notice of the scars that are still there but atleast i didn't go that far this time. I was pulled out of my thoughts when my phone started ringing..

Probably Kunikida calling to see where I am, I really wish I hadn't plugged my phone in yesterday, it's been silent for the whole week. Now I'm going to have to explain to everyone why I'm missing for the week, not that any of them bothered to visit to see me. I'll just tell Kunikida I was sick and couldn't get out of bed.

I checked my phone only to see a lot of missed calls and unread messages, I'll answer later. I can't be bothered right now. I lay back in bed staring up, I don't know what happened for me to feel like this. I guess it started when I saw Dazai and the others in a bar without me, they couldn't even bother to invite me. It wasn't even their fault I was away on a mission but it just reminded me of my past and how that went.

Now i'm here talking to no one, going back to how it all was before i joined ADA. I always thought it was normal until i met the people I know now, I can't help let the past haunt me and ruin everything I've build so far.

I should probably atleast text Atsushi, he's probably worried sick about me. I'm suprised he hasn't shown up on my doorstep but I understand. I do live quite a bit away from him. I'm also glad he hasn't shown up, no idea what I'd do. I'm scared to face him. He's the love of my life, he's been there for me since he joined. He gave me the best birthday gift even though he didn't know me. I love him with all my heart so i don't want him to see me like this.

I rubbed my eyes hoping for the tears that I felt building up to dissappear. After a while i fell asleep again, only to be woken up by knocking on my door. I groggily open the door only to see Dazai. "Dazai? What are you doing here?" He pushed me aside and walked inside. He turned to look at me, grabbed my shoulders and started talking. "Get off ur ass, stop pitying yourself and get something done." i looked at him in shock unable to say something.

I felt the tears coming up again. Dazai kept staring at me. he wiped them away.

"Staying home and pitying yourself won't help you, it will make everything worse. Go work or go on a date with Atsushi, go to a store, go to a dog park, i don't know but stop it." He looked at me calmly but there was another emotion hidden deep inside of him. I couldn't say anything, just staring at him. He slapped my cheek softly snapping me out of it and i started nodding and softly said a "yes Dazai."

He looked at me so serious, I've never seen Dazai like this. It's honestly scary to see him like this. "I'll come to work tomorrow i promise." He suddenly smiled. "Good u need to help me with paperwork!" he winked at me.

Ofcourse what else did i expect. Suddenly his face dropped again "Y/N.. Don't let whatever happend stop you or push anyone away. Everyone was worried sick about you, come to us when you need help don't just isolate yourself." i nodded and hugged him tightly.

I felt him tense but slowly hug me back. "Don't ever hesitate to ask for help or advice, just don't wallow in self pity that's just stupid." i nodded again and let him go, he walked to my fridge and took out a bottle of water.

"I'm going now, i better see you at work tomorrow" he was almost past the door when Atsushi came inside panicking. "Y/N i saw your door open are yo- Dazai?" Atsushi is here now too? Just my luck.. "Hello and goodbye Atsushi" with that Dazai left quickly and Atsushi turned to me with confusion.

I just lifted my shoulders i didn't want to expose Dazai or even explain it all. "What are you doing here Atsushi?" He looked at me nervously. "I came to check up on you.. You haven't answered any of my texts and haven't been at work so I've been worried." He cares?

I decided to stop it here i might make a second part though. I've been struggling a lot with life so do excuse the rare updates.

Also I'm working on some headcannons but for some reason i just can't think if anything I'm going to ask some friends to help me cus i really don't have any idea how to tackle that. Either way i hope you liked the fic!

Stay healthy and safe!

Drink enough water and eat too!

#atsushi nakajima #bsd atsushi #bungou stray dogs #atsushi x reader #atsushi nakajima x reader #bsd x reader #bsd x you #bsd x y/n #bsd x gender neutral reader #atsushi x you #atsushi x y/n #gender neutral reader

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minijenn · 4 months

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Jen Tortures Herself With Every Dreamworks Animated Movie Ever: Monsters Vs. Aliens

So you might be surprised to learn I never really watched this movie before now. And yeah... I don't think this movie was really a major part of too many other peoples' childhoods either. Because uhhh we got a mid in an otherwise banger era for Dreamworks.

We focus on Susan, who is struck by a meteorite at her wedding and mutates into a 50 foot tall woman, now dubbed Ginormica. She's imprisoned alongside a group of other monsters, including Dr. Cockroach, the Missing Link, B.O.B, and Insectasorus, who are all recruited into fighting an encroaching alien menace in exchange for their freedom. It's a simple story, one that's clearly harkening back to classic monster and alien movies alike, sort of as a blending of the genres of sorts. It presents moments of strong emotion, but idk, they just didn't really land for me? This whole movie as a whole really didn't, tbh.

Our characters are fine enough. Susan is an ok protagonist, initially a very normal woman who comes into her own and grows strong both physically and emotionally as the plot goes along. The other monsters are ok, not as annoying as I thought they'd be, but not the best either. I did enjoy the friendship they had with each other, and with Susan though, you really do get the sense that all these weirdos genuinely care about each other. Our villian is Gallaxhar, a power-hungry alien, and he's your usually silly antagonist who is just... ok. Like everything else abuot this movie.

The animation is... again, ok. I believe this movie was initially made to be shown in 3D, so there's a lot of weird stuff going on on that front. The character designs are also kind of ugly, especially some of the humans, though I think that might have been intentional given that How to Train Your Dragon only came out a few months after this and the humans all look fine in that. There's a good mix of action and comedy here and both are again, say it with me now, just ok. Nothing laugh out loud hilarious here, I kind of didn't react to much of anything at all while watching this.

So yeah, Monsters Vs Aliens isn't really a bad movie, but I can't call it anything other then just ok. It's not very memorable, not when matched up against its contemporaries, and I can see why it never really garnished any sequels (I know it does have TV show though, I have fever dreams of seeing it on Nickelodeon while home sick from middle school). It just... doesn't leave much of an impact on you (ironic, given the film starts with a literal meteorite impacting a woman).

The timing for this movie is so weird because it really is just a very meh movie sandwiched in between some of Dreamworks' absolute best. Personally, it didn't do much for me, but I'm not much of a sci-fi buff in general so maybe I'm just not the right audience for it. Idk ya'll, at the end of the day, all I can say about Monsters Vs. Aliens is that... well, it certainly exists. And that's about it.

Overall Rating: 5/10

Verdict: Get wrecked by a radioactive meteorite

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#jen watches #dreamworks watch #jen tortures herself with every dreamworks animated movie ever #monsters vs aliens #dreamworks

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