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salembutnotthecat · 3 months

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Novemetober (Rescheduled) | Day Five

@monthofsick | day five: undesirable caretaker

im not really feeling the last few days worth of prompts at this time, so i am going backwards and doing prompts that i was interested in

important note: as you may have seen @simplysickness asked me if i would take the reins of some of their old characters as they dont have time to write anymore. i have taken on the responsibility, but it is kind of scary. as it stands right now, i'm thinking i'm only collecting rowan/caspian and lex/soren. sparrow has told me i am welcome to make any background changes/turn the characters into my own (however, i speak with them often so i always get their approval first, lol). any hate/harassment will be blocked, as the original creator of these characters requested i take those reins.

now that that is out of the way it is fic time!

tw emeto, fever, implied abusive parent

Rowan knew this was going to be one of the worst state dinners to date. Granted, he thought that for every state dinner that he was forced to attend, but this one truly took the top spot for worst state dinners ever. And it hadn't even happened yet.

It started the day before they were supposed to leave. To catch their flight. He couldn't sleep, something didn't feel right. At the moment, he didn't feel sick, he just felt as though something was wrong. But it's the flight that solidifies both what was keeping him up, and that this state dinner would be the worst by far.

Rowan felt nauseous. Terribly so. Not even two hours in to the seven hour flight. He was dozing off while his mother was talking to him, giving him a run down of how his behavior should be. Every time he was dozing off, she would roughly nudge his arm to wake him.

"Listen to me," His mother demanded, "You need to behave, now more than ever."

"I'm listening, your highness," Rowan said, "You could have left me home."

"Absolutely not," The queen argued, "Not after your last stunt. Now, stay awake and listen."

Rowan tried, he did. But he was feeling worse and worse as time passed. Her words made him feel sicker, his mouth salivating and his throat growing tight. He didn't exactly have much faith in the idea that he wouldn't be sick before they even got where they were going.

"For the love of all things sacred," His mother said, "Listen. Can you do that for once?"

"I don't feel good," Rowan said softly.

"What did you say?" His mom asked.

Rowan took a deep breath, "I don't feel good. I feel like I'm going to throw up. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

The queen's eyes narrowed with disdain, "You can't be serious, Rowan. Not now.”

“I’m sorry,” Rowan sighed, “Really.”

“This is so typical of you,” Isabella glared at her son, “You always find a way to ruin everything.”

Rowan knew there was no sense in fighting her reprimands. He wished Caspian was here. Or really, anyone who would at the very least not make it out like he was a terrible person for something he couldn’t help.

The airplane's descent only intensified Rowan's discomfort, and by the time they landed, he was pale and visibly unwell. The royal entourage awaited them on the tarmac, and as Rowan stepped off the plane, he could barely stand. His mother, however, paid no mind to his obvious distress.

"We have a schedule to keep, Rowan," she insisted, her tone unwavering. "You will compose yourself for the state dinner. I won't have you embarrass the family any further."

Barely able to muster a response, Rowan did what he did best. He faked it. He took a deep breath, stood straight, fixed his attire. If he could just keep his mother happy, maybe this would be easier to manage.

The vehicle that awaited them seemed like a sanctuary, but as they approached, the reality sank in that there was no reprieve for him. The queen insisted he join her in the car, despite his plea for a moment to collect himself. He knew that meant several things. The car's interior felt suffocating, and Rowan sank into the plush seat, desperately trying to suppress the queasiness gnawing at him. Queen Isabella, however, showed no sympathy.

"You're always making a spectacle of yourself, Rowan," she scolded, her eyes fixed on him in the rearview mirror. "Do you realize the inconvenience you've caused? We can't afford any more scandals. Certainly not from you, the crown prince himself."

Rowan winced, not from his stomachache but from his mother's relentless words. He nodded weakly, unable to meet her gaze.

"I truly thought sending you to the conservatory would fix you, but here we are, as always causing issues when you can just leave well enough alone," Queen Isabella declared, her disappointment evident. "You're supposed to be the crown prince, for heaven's sake, not a burden. Not after your sister.”

As the car sped towards their destination, Rowan clung to the hope that this ordeal would soon be over.

Deep breath. In and out. In and out.

Rowan stood in front of the ornate mirror, trying to muster the energy to prepare for the state dinner.

He had barely managed to shower and change into formal attire when a wave of nausea hit him with relentless force.

Rowan took his suit jacket off. Then took off the button up. His stomach felt horrendous, yes, but he forced himself to stay composed to eliminate ruining his attire. Saving himself a lecture if nothing more.

Rowan clutch the sink, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths. He swallowed saliva, acid, anything. He tried to suppress the nausea to not avail.

He felt his stomach convulse, pulling in with a gag. A sick burp, he spit acid tasting saliva in the sink.

He tried to breathe. He ran the sink. Closed his eyes to ease the dizziness. Nothing helped. The prince retched into the porcelain bowl. The sound echoed in the opulent bathroom.

His mother was probably settling in herself. She probably wouldn’t hear his struggles. Rowan heaved again.

A little more acid, but Rowan could feel there was more. Too much more to stay at the sink.

He went to the toilet, heaving as soon as the lid was up. He heaved so hard that he fell to his knees.

He threw up once. Mostly water, the drink one of the royal assistants gave him that allegedly should have helped him feel better. For a moment, Rowan realized how sad it was that assistants cared more for him than his own mother.

He threw up a second time. It wasn’t much. He was sure it was the little snack and small breakfast from that morning. But thinking about breakfast made him recall dinner and lunch from the night before, and soon enough chunky waves of vomit came up his throat.

A third wave. A fourth. A fifth. Dry heaving. Rowan’s throat was burning, his nose running, and his vision blurred from tears of exertion.

He stood unsteadily. His breaths were shaking and everything felt strange, weak. He flushed the toilet, he rinsed his mouth with the water in the sink. Even rinsed it with mouthwash, not trusting his stomach’s ability to tolerate brushing his teeth again.

He stepped out of the bathroom, grabbed some water. He knew he would probably have to fake health, so the least he could do for himself is try to replace some of what he lost.

"I told you to compose yourself, Rowan," his mother's voice carried from the adjoining room. "We don't have time for your theatrics."

Rowan glanced at his reflection, his eyes reflecting a mix of evident sickness and frustration. The idea of attending the dinner seemed impossible, but Queen Isabella's relentless expectations loomed over him. He took a shaky breath, trying to steady himself.

"I'm really not feeling well," Rowan managed to say, his voice strained. "I think I need to skip dinner. For both of our sakes." Queen Isabella entered the room, her expression stern.

"This is not the time for your excuses, Rowan. You will attend, and that's final."

As Rowan struggled to stand upright, a fresh bout of nausea overcame him. He felt weak and defeated, but his mother's gaze remained unmoved. He leaned on the closest counter for support.

"Enough of this nonsense," his mother snapped. "You're not ruining this for us. Get yourself together and show some respect for your position."

Rowan sat at the table. He didn’t even know who all was here. Each conversation was blending into a cacophony of polite pleasantries. The scent of rich foods and fine wines filled the air, but to Rowan, they only intensified his nausea.

With each forced bite and polite sip, his stomach rebelled further, churning with discomfort. He tried to engage in conversation, to maintain the facade of the dutiful prince, but his efforts were futile. Every word spoken was an effort, every smile strained.

His mother, Queen Isabella, watched him like a hawk, her disapproving gaze a constant weight on his shoulders.

“You're not touching your food, Rowan," she remarked, her voice dripping with disdain. "Are you trying to embarrass me even further?"

Rowan forced a weak smile, pushing the food around his plate. "Just not hungry, Mother," he managed to murmur, his throat dry and constricted.

But as the dinner progressed, Rowan's condition deteriorated rapidly. The room spun around him, and everything around him felt like it became a blur of colors and sounds. Desperately, he reached for his glass of water, hoping to quell the rising tide of sickness within him.

Yet with each sip, the nausea intensified, and Rowan knew he was fighting a losing battle. He glanced desperately at his mother, silently pleading for understanding, but her expression remained cold and unforgiving.

Finally, unable to bear it any longer, Rowan pushed himself away from the table, his chair scraping against the polished floor. "Excuse me," he muttered, his voice barely a whisper. "I need to… I'll be back."

Queen Isabella's eyes flashed with irritation, but Rowan paid her no mind as he stumbled towards the exit, the world spinning around him. He barely made it to the nearest restroom before the contents of his stomach emptied, his body wracked with spasms of nausea.

As he leaned against the cool tiles, tears pricking at his eyes, Rowan knew that his mother's disapproval would have to wait. In that moment, his only concern was surviving the night, one agonizing moment at a time.

He heard the door swing open. Queen Isabella stormed into the restroom, her expression a mix of anger and disappointment.

“Rowan, this is unacceptable," she snapped, her voice cutting through the air. "You cannot simply excuse yourself from the dinner without a valid reason."

Rowan tried to speak, but another wave of nausea overtook him. He doubled over, retching violently as his mother watched with a mixture of irritation and disdain.

He threw up everything he tried to force down. To make matters worse, it was almost entirely undigested. It hurt a lot, and Rowan could feel the way he struggled to catch his breath. Before going through another round of vomiting.

When he finally managed to catch his breath, Queen Isabella's tone softened slightly, though her frustration remained evident.

"Fine, you're clearly unwell," she conceded, her words laced with skepticism. "But we can't have a scene. I'll tell the others you suddenly fell ill. But mark my words, Rowan, this will not be forgotten."

With a dismissive gesture, she signaled for her assistant to assist Rowan.

"Take him back to the suite," she ordered curtly. "And make sure he stays there. I won't have him causing any more trouble tonight."

Rowan's heart sank as he was led away, the weight of his mother's disappointment heavy on his shoulders. He knew he should have been relieved to escape the suffocating atmosphere of the dinner, but all he felt was a profound sense of loneliness and despair.

As the night wore on, Rowan's condition only worsened, each wave of nausea more debilitating than the last. Alone in the suite with his mother, Queen Isabella's displeasure was obvious. She paced the room impatiently, her frustration evident in every sharp exhale and furrowed brow.

"I can't believe you're still not feeling well," she muttered, her tone tinged with annoyance. "This is highly inconvenient, Rowan. You know I have important engagements tomorrow, as do you."

Rowan sighed softly, spitting in the trash can by the bed.

"I don't have time for this," Queen Isabella continued, her agitation mounting. "And to top it all off, you won't be able to take your medication tonight. Do you realize what a mess you're causing?"

Rowan's heart sank at her words, the weight of her disapproval crushing him further. He knew his mental health medication was crucial for stabilizing his condition, but to his mother, it was just another inconvenience. Everything was an inconvenience to her and he wished he was back home. Back with Caspian, he would even take Linnea right now. Someone who saw him as a person, not a problem.

"I'm sorry, Mother," he whispered, his voice barely audible above the tumult in his mind. "I can't help being sick."

Queen Isabella's expression softened slightly, though her frustration remained evident. "Well, you'll just have to get better quickly," she replied brusquely. "I can't afford to have you dragging down our responsibilities with your problems. Especially not my responsibilities. Your sister was never this much of a problem to me."

With a heavy sigh, she settled into an armchair, her gaze fixed on Rowan with a mixture of disdain and resignation. As he drifted in and out of consciousness, the only comfort he found was in the hope that eventually, he would find solace away from the suffocating expectations of royalty and the unyielding disapproval of his mother.

#emeto #sickfic #emeto fic #emeto cw #emeto tw #fever cw #fever tw #emetophilia #novemetober 2023 #novemetober rescheduled

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the-owl-house-takes · 8 months

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"huntlow didnt get enough time to get developed properly" true statement, we were all robbed of a third season and a lot of character development and chracter dynamics for many many characters and so on but its irrelevant to me cus i still wouldnt like it if it was properly developed. i know myself, id still be ok w it being part of the series but i still wouldnt have any interest in it and would find ship art equally annoying just cus i dont like it.

"if hunter was with a boy/willow was with a girl-" irrelevant, thats a different ship with a different character. there is no argument, stay on topic.

"bi/pan erasure or something along those lines" it has nothing to do with their sexualities and i dont care about canon or your headcanons or the characters sexualities none of that is relevant i just dont like them together as a ship

"huntlow antis/huntlow haters" be real. people can just dislike stuff without it being a big spectacle. do you think i put huntlow anti on my job resume or my tinder profile??? its not an identity, its just an opinion (also this is a salt blog. why are there sharks in the ocean)

"hunter having trauma doesnt mean he cant love" the grass is green the sky is blue i still dont have to like the ship and i still think hunters trauma takes priority for most people when they make huntlow stuff, maybe idk i have the tag blocked but ive seen some stuff and i see lots of arguments abt this. yes willow can be a rock for hunter but shes not supposed to be his only rock, hunter needing a rock is not supposed to be the only time they talk or interact, and there are ways to talk about hunter and huntlow without making it only trauma-related. i dont like the trauma-unrelated stuff either its still boring to me.

"something about willow idk i feel like people focus more on hunter when they argue about huntlow so i dont actually know any arguments about willow" willow is an underrated character and i love her but i still dont have to like the ship and i feel like a lot of the time people treat willow in general like one of her best character traits is Likes Hunter, or like shes hunters rock to lean on but never spin that around and let hunter be willows rock, and more often than not, somehow???, hunters trauma is still involved in willows insecurities or its used as part of how she heals from those insecurities?? like. can a girl not just say 'im worried about not being strong enough and being a burden' and not get 'when i was working for belos something something i thought i wasnt strong enough and i was wrong so ur strong too' and something like that like. a lot of huntlow stuff is like that ngl.

"just block people/the tags" I AM but like. i can still dislike it. and im perfectly valid in saying i think its annoying when i go to the tags and more than half the posts i scroll through are blocked cus its huntlow. im perfectly valid in saying i dont like ship whether i have the tags blocked or not.

"people can ship whatever they want" no they cant because i said so. the sun revolves around me. god watches me, his special little guy, fart and immediately cries in joy and throws a celebration party. (but also people are allowed to not ship stuff too like. it goes both ways.)

"so what are people just not supposed to make huntlow fanstuff" yes. i never want to see huntlow ever again my life. (but actually dont do that keep making stuff itd be sad if people stopped)

"everything you say is insane" ya

#the owl house #toh #ship hate

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robinthegloblin · 1 month

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so i saw this post somewhere saying that they wanted a fic where ennis, jack, and alma were all in a polyam relationship - that alma saw them kissing but instead of being disgusted she found she was into it. i have some thoughts about this, and it’s not a call out post where im going to be rattling off all the ways that i think op was wrong, it is an interesting concept, i was just thinking about how personally i dont think it would happen.

one) we see through the course of their marriage the slow resentment and change that occurs, and while i am not sure why alma and ennis got together in the first place, they were happy at the beginning. the rift between alma and ennis increases after they have kids, and it only seems to escalate all the way up and through their divorce.

i think, from alma’s perspective, she recognized that the man she married was not the same one who continuously rejects her and expects so much from her. ennis constantly ignores alma, he leaves her to take care of the kids and to cook and do her job and he places his occupation and work over hers - i dont think alma knew how to fix it, how to make ennis pay attention to her. i am sure she blamed herself in a way and most likely experienced loneliness being stuck in this position.

when she finds out what ennis and jack are doing, all the feelings that she had been left to sit in bubble up. this was the 1960s, the whole concept of this story is about hatecrime and homophobia - in alma’s eyes it is disgusting and shameful and putrid and this was the man that she had married. she was left and cast aside for something vile and wrong and it hurt. perhaps maybe in a different story she could have found it appealing in a way, but it’s not just “oh she hasnt explored sexually, there’s a chance she could be into that stuff” it’s also the divide between her and ennis and the emotions that she had previously suffered through and the guilt that she could now blame on someone else. it wasnt her fault that ennis was cold to her, but up to this point that’s what she thought; when she sees them, it’s the tipping point and realization that it wasnt her, but it was this gross affair.

two) from ennis’ point of view, alma is a tether. she is a force that keeps him safe and “normal”, she is the right and traditional thing to do. but she also sort of is a cage, he has to be “normal” and has to love her in order to accomplish this. she is a way to “fix” himself.

piggybacking from another post i saw, there is also the fact that she is a woman. i believe the other person said something about how being with a woman for jack and ennis is different than sleeping with another man because she doesnt pose a threat to their relationship. the woman is simply a necessity and cannot give either of them what they truly want. and that’s all that alma really is, she is only required so ennis can fulfill tradition and be left alone (we see that later after they divorce the amount of times it’s brought up to him that he should settle down again).

three) i am not quite sure what jack would think seeing that alma never really was something he had to worry about. it was always ennis’ work or his deep connection to his hometown that really proved a problem. i do believe though, that being in a polycule with alma and ennis not something he would like. having relations with other men was something he constantly looked for, that he needed to “sustain himself” as he said when he and ennis were arguing about the lack of time they had together and adding a woman to the mix wouldnt be what he was looking for. he could have sex with a woman at any point in time, adding alma into the mix is only taking away his one place that he can get the satisfaction he wants.

feel free to add on or correct me, i have only seen the movie, though i do want to read it, and have watched it once. this was not meant to be a call out post in any way shape or form, simply a pondering of why the three of them wouldnt work and my take on their complex relationships.

@apollosleftelbow

#ennis del mar #alma #brokeback mountain #jack twist #thoughts #long post #i have no clue what alma’s last name is #im gonna assume del mar as well #but it wasnt mentioned at all in the movie

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thatskindasilly · 2 months

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Now back to serious stuff

(First picture: Olek is writing about a party they are all going to. He's stressed because there will be Mikael and Olek was ghosting him. He know that he'll have a lot of questions and Olek is even thinking about not going. Newest post - Olek wrote that something went wrong and that it'll get even worse when he'll post newest video)

Okey.

OLEKS #1 POST: Im wondering what Olek is talking about. Mika asking difficult questions? Has anything happened in the meantime? Could this be related to Canis' last video, the one with a passage from the Bible in the title? That one about the flood? I hope we'll get some answers in the newest video. Because like... WTH 😭 OLEK WHY ARE YOU NOT TALLING US ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING, YOU'RE LITERALLY THE ONLY ACTIVE, TRUSTWORTHY MEMBER (I think Mika forgot about Tumblr, Kitku is posting on tiktok but i feel that we shouldnt take them too seriously and Mod and Ukleja are not in charge of any social media... I think.)

OLEKS #2 POST: What happened at the party? I mean... Olek wrote that it was bad, that something went bad. Have they argued again? I guess we'll see after theyll put the whole thing together. (I hope theyll also finish subtitles soon. Your promotion is great but theres a lot of slenderverse fans that are... Well, not from Poland. But i understand its hard. If you'll need any help with it i'll be more than happy to help!!!)

NEW TIKTOKS: Kitku. What happened? Im getting worried about the whole situation. First, Olek wrote that its bad (about 2 AM). Than, Kitku posted three new tt. Animated tt. (First about 1 AM, second 1.30 AM and the last one at 4.30AM????). Something must have happened if Kitku was sitting and animating instead of enjoying themselves. I mean... Kitku doesnt look like an introvert, you know?

KITKUS ANIMATIONS: What are the tt about? First one: to the sound from dhim - situation from some time ago when it invited everyone to watch Canis' first video. Nothing special, another 'hey i hate Mod so much' thing. Was Mod the one that did something weird at the party? Second one: Kitku animated um... Im not sure what? I mean im not sure about situation put there. Its something about LonelyDarkness and TheCaddelShow and Slenderman. Other new gen slenderverse series. (I need to catch up because both looks interesting). But yeah, its still silly. Third one (tw! Mentioning of unaliving yourself and death): 4:30 AM - "i should probably go to sleep" yeah you should. But... Um... The song choice? I mean, i love it, dont get me wrong but two silly videos and than... This? 'Im gonna k-ll myself just like Canis'? Being so casual about mentioning that your (boy)friend ended himself? And, maybe im reading too much to it but the way its animated? Time, topic and animation together are giving me weird vibes. Something must have happened.

To sum up WAKE UP AND POST VIDEOS IM WORRIED GUYS. @promiseland-larp @promiseland-larp @promiseland-larp

Something for sure happened and they talked about it and it didnt end up well.

#promiseland larp #the promiseland larp #promiselandlarp #new gen slenderverse #slenderverse #polish slenderverse #kitku #poland #promiseland #promiselandlarp theories #slenderman

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destinyc1020 · 4 months

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Im not gonna argue with anyone about kaia's acting b/c it isnt the best mostly b/c she comes across as lifeless and unnatural. She def benefits from the fact shes a nepo baby and white. However I will defend her in bottoms, b/c its sometimes more about casting then it is acting. Kaias character is supposed to come across as one dimensional, a sterotypical popular high school girl who everyone aspires to be with she doesnt have any substance outside of her looks which is juxtaposed with this idea that a girl like her wouldnt be interested in somethink like bare knuckle fighting. Her role doesnt require dynamic acting and I would argue someone like zendaya wouldnt work b/c shes to dynamic and would go against the one dimensionality of how character was written. Certainly could this role have gonna to a black woman like laura harrier ( who also cant act) yeah totally but I think kaia works as that character, that doesnt mean shes a great actor . She still struggles with basic things such the inability to convey emotion.

Also austin, I like austin hes very dynamic but Im also not 100 convinced. Hes a great character actor evidenced by dune part 2. He was great in elvis fantastic even. He clearly puts the work in and willing to work on his craft. But after watching bike riders early this year and two episodes masters of air, he was very underwhelming dont know if he has the longevity as a lead ( hopefully he changes my mind b/c he seems like a cool dude and I want him to succeed). Hes struggling mightily with accents and in bikeriders he was overshadowed by jodie comer and tom hardy also even mike faist (for his very small role in bikeriders but hes extremely sensitivity and empathetic in portrayal as an interviewer). His latest stuff he comes across as one note and places too much emphasis on a huskier/smoky voice that at times sound more distracting and hinders the character.

(Though for MOTA im still in wait and see mode cause I havent seen the entire series yet)

Re: Kaia...

Sooo... basically, what you're saying is that they gave her a character role that she basically already embodies (dull, lifeless, etc) because that's how her acting already is in real life? Am I understanding this correctly lol? 😅

That's fine if you liked her in the "Bottoms" movie (we all have different tastes). I didn't even see the movie (it just didn't look funny at all to me 👀), but I saw enough clips lol 😅

Re: Austin....

Interesting take on Austin. 🤔 I haven't seen him in Dune Part 2 or The Bikeriders yet, so I can't really speak to those films... yet. 🤷🏾‍♀️

But I thought he did great in Elvis. 👍🏾

Maybe he IS a character actor? Nothing wrong with that. There are PLENTY of great character actors in Hollywood, and that's where they thrive. ☺️

I honestly haven't seen much of his work post-Elvis to really judge. 🤷🏾‍♀️ I'm excited to see more of his work in this phase of his career. I've only seen clips of him in OUATIH and I thought he was great in that. He's really good at disappearing in roles, which I like. So far, his characters have been diversely DIFFERENT ever since the play he did with Denzel Washington, and I love that. Sometimes, it's hard to imagine I'm watching the same actor lol 😆 😂

Maybe you're so used to seeing Austin in character roles that when he plays someone quieter and less "out there" you are bored lol 😆

Like I said, I haven't seen him in "The Bikeriders" yet, but it's hard to imagine anyone outshining Tom Hardy, coz Tom is just.... 👌🏾

Prior to "Elvis", I'd only seen Austin in fluff TV shows like "The Carrie Diaries" or "Switched at Birth", etc. So I've seen him in various different roles PRE-Elvis.

So far, I'm enjoying MOTA, and I'm interested in seeing where his career takes him in this era. I'm just glad he's getting to do more of the type of work that he wants to do now in his career. 😊

Re: His voice....

Austin's voice has ALWAYS been deep imo. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Deep and slightly raspy.

Here are some old clips....

I think when he got older, it just got a bit huskier.

I really don't think he's putting anything on. Don't pelt me with tomatoes but I actually sort of suspect (I only said SUSPECT) that he kinda ruined his voice a little when singing for Elvis all those years. I'm a singer as well, and it can definitely happen. I had vocal nodules that changed my voice (I could barely speak at one point). I had to go through vocal therapy for many months in fact for it.

My voice is fine now, thankfully lol 😆, but if you've developed vocal nodules, they can for sure change the quality of your voice. So, he might just have vocal nodules. I don't suggest getting them surgically removed if anyone has them, but vocal rest, along with changing ways in which you vocalize can help diminish them.

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ickie-vicky · 1 year

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acknowledging that the binary exists AS a social construct, as an idea, is not agreeing with or following the binary. im not sure you understood me at all, maybe i wasnt clear enough. i am a gender abolitionist.

when i speak of gender i am using it as a general term to describe peoples connections to their identity and body on a more spiritual sense. it is abstract and undefined, because it is inherently subjective. everyone single person has a different felt sense of identity. the way we traditionally understand gender is through the lens of the binary, i do not. so i can understand your confusion. but yea, hopefully ive made it clearer, at least somewhat, that i do not believe in gender in a way that has anything to do with current understanding of that term.

and i understand that not everyone believes me, or even has been exposed to ideas like i have enough to form perspectives like this. so i am very understanding of people reinforcing the binary in some ways as a way to find deeper self meaning. there are obviously more outwardly harmful ways to do this, like feeding into toxic masculinity as a means of finding acceptance. but i dont prescribe to black and white thinking as much as possible (though, as an autistic person, that is my natural way of thinking). there is always nuance, there is grey. i even empathise with your position. its fuckin scary out here and of course you want to protect your interests as much as possible, and of those in similar circumstances. i respect that need, i dont respect the avenue youve chosen to meet it.

so while i dont believe in or agree with the gender binary and all that comes with it, im not going to demonise or vilify those that do, within reason.

so much of what you post makes it out like trans people ARE the enemy. that we are the ones doing active harm, not the ones being actively harmed. things like saying trans women are predators looking to enter womens spaces and erase them or assault them. OR that you believe we are defenseless, mentally ill little girls who have been lead astray and transed, forced to mutilate ourselves. like just such extreme and dehumanising beliefs. and its so sad because none of it is really actually logical or backed up by reason. its like, i agree with you up to a point and then we just veer sooo far into different extremes. the difference being mine advocates for collective and individual empowerment and health, while yours serves to create more divide and pain for all involved.

truly impressive display of doublethink that you repeatedly claim to be a gender abolitionist and also in support of transgender ideology

gender abolitionism good = transgender ideology bad

transgender ideology good = gender abolitionism bad

you simply can’t have both - these are by definition mutually exclusive beliefs. it doesn’t get more black and white than this. this isn’t a nuanced point

you are so invested in your ideology that you are engaging in doublethink - holding two contradictory beliefs and fighting tooth and nail to argue they align so you don’t have to admit you are wrong

do you really not see that?

how do you continue arguing with me with no shame when you are so clearly wrong?

you saying your ideology “advocates for collective and individual empowerment and health” and mine does not is laughably incorrect

the brutal truth: identifying as transgender is a self-centred and harmful ‘solution’ to a systemic societal problem.

you can’t abolish gender alone, so instead you buy into trans ideology for relief.

you don’t care/can’t acknowledge that this harms women because at least you’re alleviating your dysphoria - and that’s what matters to you.

your life has been hard so you must be right - your suffering proves your virtue. you are the hero and the underdog in your own story and everyone who criticises you is ‘harming’ you. any action you take to should be free from criticism because you are a good person just trying to alleviate your own pain.

you simply cannot bear to admit that your suffering does not exempt you from responsibility for causing harm in upholding patriarchy, which is what you are doing

because you have made your ideology a part of your identity you can’t even entertain criticism as it is now a personal attack against you

you call me saying this ‘vilifying’ trans people because it’s impossible for you to admit what you’re doing is wrong

gender is sexist. transgender ideology is sexist. you still haven’t refuted this.

you’re still not defining gender in a way that isn’t sexist - you’re just desperately trying to obfuscate and distance yourself from the truth which is gender = sexist stereotypes about womanly and manly feelings, behaviour, appearance, etc.

your ideology is inherently sexist

just be yourself and do whatever the fuck you want. you must not support the patriarchy by giving yourself a ‘gender identity’ to cope

this will be my last response as this is now arguing-with-a-conspiracy-theorist territory

i hope this has prompted others to genuinely reflect if not anon

#new followers i see u #i won’t be shouted down by repetitive claims that i’m wrong when i’m so clearly in the right #i won’t be told i’m causing harm when your ideology is harmful #radical feminism #gender critical

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junebuggeryy · 1 year

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The thing about Apple White is that the story sets her up to be deranged in such a way that makes perfect sense for the lore. I feel like the desire to follow the previously established story isn’t entirely something that’s invalid, but I feel like the royal storyline clearly kind of drowned in its own initial conflict especially as like… The lines got blurrier, but like. The fact that there are enough details in world to understand why Apple might cling to it, like the fact that she’s got an immediate connection to the Charmings and her mother’s incredibly industrious background as well as just like…

The promise that she’s going to live happily ever after, the fact that her story is considered the epitome of fairytales in setting and how she essentially can’t imagine how anyone wouldn’t want that for her. She easily stands out as a character because of the fact that she obviously has a lot of toxic traits, but I feel like they do come from such a like “pure” place to use language from an earlier post. She can’t imagine why people wouldn’t want what she wants at first and wants to help even though her idea of helping is a flawed premise. I think Apple as a representative of the Royals is really interesting in that way with her and Darling serving as an excellent potential frame work for like… The “rebranding” of the Royals in a sense where they get to play out their roles, now changed, rather than oppose the Rebels.

But yeah like, the dichotomy really did fall apart because by the end of the Wonderland arc they all have to agree its too dangerous for the facilitating artefact to even exist and that fundamentally it’s better to let people choose their own fate so like. If they wanted one then they really needed to build around it a little more coherently, but I think just letting the initial dichotomy die and replacing it with something else would have been fine! It might even have given them excuse to rebrand their dolls and update their designs and sell more of them if that’s the point. Anyway, hi again

Hello Lovely Followers It's Still Ever After High Hours.

hi again. these are some damn good thoughts, and i think you're completely right? this is perhaps an ironic point, but stories are supposed to evolve. i could absolutely see a version where the initial conflict of the royals changed shape, and Apple and Darling got to rewrite what it means to hold the power they do. i would have loved to see the "royals" name change to mean something new rather than peter out, and im sure it could have even been worked into whatever marketing/doll design goals were required to keep the show running? but these things are easier said than done, i suppose

anyway, im ECSTATIC you bring up the wonderland arc, as i have a comical amount to say about it. in general, the wonderland arc feels like the point where the story stops being about challenging oppressive power structures, and starts implicitly preserving them. it makes sense for raven to want to help protect her friend's mom, the Queen of Hearts, and i dont think it was even a bad story arc? but i do think its notable that Courtly is the first time we see someone trying to change their world's power structure is painted as unequivocally bad. and it's not as if EAH's Queen of Hearts is a particularly kind version of the titular ruler, either? then, by the time we get to epic winter, the villains are explicitly servants that no longer want to live in servitude, and are acting out, and this is not commented on at all.

idk. maybe you could argue that Courtly is someone taking advantage of an unstable system? but i am biased and Courtly Jester is forever my #problematic fave. i have a known soft spot for clown terrorists.

i do wish they had written different exit for the storybook of legends? if i recall correctly, Apple finally voted to get rid of it because she was afraid of someone signing their name into the wrong page and stealing a destiny- which, honestly, i still find to be a fascinating piece of worldbuilding, and to be a concern in-keeping with Apple's character? but it feels like only one piece of a larger puzzle. it just, feels weird to have the defeating blow to the Storybook of Legends™️, and it's societal hold over people, to be the preservation of tradition. maybe the writers felt they had already done a thorough job of tackling the ways being trapped in tradition was bad for these characters, and needed a new reason to get rid of it? but- IDEK. i feel like there may have been better options.

honestly, it feels like the thing that's missing from EAH are the Royals expressing empathy or understanding for situations outside of their own? which, honestly, isn't really a complaint- the show's about teenagers, and it makes sense they would be a little myopic! hell, that's why Apple takes it so personally.

that being said, i do think its notable that i can't think of a single Royal that didn't turn over to the Rebel side for a reason outside their own destiny, from wanting to date a non-prince charming, to not desiring to be comatose for a century. maybe this could have been Apple? our girl with nothing to complain about, our girl being offered the most heavenly future she could imagine, deciding that her guarantee at a perfect life isn't worth it if it requires that her friends must suffer.

again, that's the Apple in my heart. idek. i feel like im talking a lot about broad strokes potentials and story building rather than canon characterization? even through all this, i still love what we got of this dumb silly fantasy highschool show, lol.

#ever after high #[bugg chitters]#im. im adding a read-more to this because theres just So Much Words #i would like to thank my EAH followers. and especially. my non-EAH followers

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everythingsinred · 2 years

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001 gakuen alice

wow really! how random that u chose this manga that i dont even care about or whatever

001

Favorite character: tie with natsume and mikan! natsume has been my favorite since day one but even though it took me some time to love mikan as much, they rly are equal to me.

Least Favorite character: UGH like theres characters i hate, like esp and persona, but whose roles in the story i mostly appreciate. if theres a character im kinda meh abt, even regarding his role in the story........ maybe tono? lol i have no real outstanding feelings abt him

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): im assuming this is romantic? if so: natsume/mikan, hotaru/ruka, koko/sumire, tsubasa/misaki, narumi/misaki-sensei. but ill include nonromantic as well bc i want to: natsume&ruka, hotaru&subaru, mikan&yuka, main 4 as a friend group (which is what we deserved rather than the three of them barely interacting outside of their bond with mikan), and the special ability group (namely tsubasa and misaki with mikan)

Character I find most attractive: kaoru

Character I would marry: maybe yuka. shes the one i would most trust above all. definitely the Best adult in the series. and most sensible.

Character I would be best friends with: UGh maybe yuka again. i trust her the most. its also bizarre now that im closer with age to her than i am with the main characters lmao. yuka is underrated though

a random thought: i have a rudimentary understanding of how alices are sorted according to ability but im ngl i still have trouble comprehending why some of the special ability students arent in latent or somatic. i just accept that i wont understand and leave it at that.

An unpopular opinion: the ending being bad is NOT unpopular. my unpopular opinion is that im not a big fan of like the last 30-40 chapters in general, not just the last three. theres parts i like, but mostly i think it could have been better done. also i dont like that mikan got the stealing alice. i dont like that choice really. i hope that doesnt sound arrogant but honestly im tired so if it comes across that way oh well.

My Canon OTP: natsumikan... ahh im so lucky

My Non-canon OTP: tbh hotaru and ruka! my sister and i made a banger playlist for them and i have sobbed just thinking of their potential. i honestly rly dont care if ppl think theyre a random couple or a way to pair off the spares--i think theyd be a genuinely good match and their scenes together are to die for.

Most Badass Character: probably either natsume or yuka but that badassery also just makes me sad

Most Epic Villain: ew none (ga is not an example of media where i root for the villains lol)

Pairing I am not a fan of: this is such a vague prompt. ill just say that i resent when ppl make one character the character they "ship with everybody" (namely mikan) bc that character tends to be female and there tends to be some very suspect implications about her agency and role in the relationships, like its more abt other ppls interest in her than in her own feelings. im not saying ppl who multiship are all like that (and im sure most multishippers are entirely reasonable) but ive seen enough takes in that vein for it to really rub me the wrong way. i rly genuinely only ship mikan romantically with natsume.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): ugh i lowkey dont wanna fully answer this but ill give it a go. first idc abt persona redemption, especially if it comes at the cost of his victims' experiences, so like no. he couldve just maybe died or smth instead. ALSO as ive mentioned with her having the stealing alice, i think mikan's end was not really that great for her character. it bums me out.

Favourite Friendship: natsume and ruka hands down no contest. dont argue with me; i wont listen

Character I most identify with: ah a lot. natsume bc. child abuse victim with anger issues. ruka bc pervasive loneliness and feeling of being a burden. mikan bc god am i really good for nothing can i even offer anything? i hate this prompt its too personal

Character I wish I could be: none lol the choices are to be abused, abuse others, or both so none. maybe id be jii-chan, he truly is outside that whole mess.

if you would like to send me an ask for a character/ship/show or you'd like to rb the original post yourself, heres the link!

#answered #thesightofworms #ask games #ga #gakuen alice #my thoughts abt ga have been in the making for 12 years so theyre complicated at times.#just ignore me if u want

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soudakuwunmoment · 3 months

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ok so

about the autism yippee guy. thing.

look i dont want to tell you that you cant like it. whether or not you like it is none of my business. i am specifically asking if there are other people who dislike it.

personally, i find that thing to be infantilizing as fuck. it simplifies autism into "yippeee!!!!!" and. i dunno. a little pixel sprite thats supposed to be cute, though i personally find it not to be. it looks like it tried to turn the homestuck baby characters into an animal drawn by a child.

what is it supposed to represent even? that autistic people get excited/loud sometimes? yeah, thats true, but i dont yell "yippee!!!"

thats the opposite of what i do

because im fucking autistic

one of the primary struggles of having autism is that your genuine emotions dont come out the way people expect. ive never had genuine joy or excitement translate to a verbal "yippee". it translates to stimming or nothing, usually.

and the expression of the thing rubs me the wrong way. clearly, its meant to represent the problem i just went over. that expressing your emotions genuinely is difficult. but as an autistic person, im the most expressive person i know. why? because i had to learn to be. being animated and expressive is a result of having to force myself to blend in.

so here we are; half of the autism creature is an innacurate representation of what its like to be autistic, something that we cannot express genuinely (socially accepted verbal excitement) and half of it doesnt actually represent how an autistic person might act.

so heres what you might argue: "you have it backwards! the yippee represents the social masking while the expression represents our actual selves!"

if that were the case, then yes, id be wrong. but dont you think theres a reason it reads the opposite way? am i, as an autistic person, reading it wrong? after all, everyone else seems to like it just fine!

but its just. those people who are connecting with the yippee creature guy. i cant relate to them. anytime i meet someone who is obsessed with the thing, they always come across to me as someone whos trying to be autistic. and dont get me wrong, im the last person to have an issue with people exploring their identities and self diagnosing. i think it can be productive, and a great method of soul searching. what im trying to say is that these people seem to be uneducated in what it really means to live with autism. these people always seem to have the "im obsessed with anime so im autistic" kinda thing going on. yknow, people who think that liking something makes you autistic. and yet i talk to them and i cant see any of what actually makes a person autistic beyond just liking something a lot. and i think its these people who use and spread and hype up the autism creature guy, thus why it literally represents nothing about autism except for the stereotypical traits spread by 14 year olds. this isnt a criticism of people "pretending to have autism" its not my place to decide whether or not youve got autism. maybe the thing that tipped you off to knowing youre autistic is the very fact that you tend to obsess over things in an unusual way. instead, im criticizing the fact that the creature that is supposedly a symbol of autism is an absolute bastardization of what an autistic person actually is. just a cute little fandom guy who gets excited about special interests. maybe that represents your autism, but not mine. sure, i like fandom, im a fucking homestuck, pokemon and fnaf fan after all. but simplifying autism down to that trait is why people dont believe we're actually autistic. its stereotypical and harmful, it ignores the traits of autism that actually are hard to live with. how is this creature supposed to tell you that taking a shower hurts because of how sensitive i am to touch, sound and temperature. how is this creature supposed to tell you how i had become socially outcast as a kid because social lines are blurry at best. how is it supposed to tell you that i cant eat 90% of foods, that i cant drink water because the taste and texture will make me want to throw up. or is it saying these things after all, its just hidden and unspoken, and i was supposed to guess. too bad i fucking cant, because im autistic.

im not a cute little animal thing, thats not my autism, and thats not how autism feels. not even on my best day, do i relate with that creature. not even when my interest make me happy, can i look at that thing and go "yes, this is how i feel!" because its so obviously not me. it just feels like its trying to be me, and insulting me in the process.

i dont understand why people like it, and how im supposed to relate to it. i honestly just fucking hate the autism creature :/

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karatekid1 · 3 months

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hi guys it been a while. Well, everything right now feels like its going up and down all the time, like on monday, three days ago, my life felt so good, i was so happy, then everything went downhill again on tuesday. today is thursday and idek how im feeling, i dont got any apeitie, and my life just feel so depressing. i realized yesterday that heartstopper is like a core memory to me, like i havent watched it since season 2 came out bc people started calling it cringe and i actually started to think it were. i was just a kid back then it feels like, because every day i get older and i feel embarressed for my younger self, in like a few months i think that this me whos writing this is gonna be so cringe, why are we like that? or maybe thats just me. but what i mean is that yesterday i listened to some of the soundtrack songs, i just felt warm and happy inside, and it kept doing everytime i listeend to the songs, i stayed up til 3 am last night just rewatching the first season and it made me cry actually idk why but it just brings me so much comfort. anyway, uni going fine ig, some subjects are really terrible, but im surviving. me and benjamin (the nick to my charlie) are still together and idk tbh how hes feeling ab me atp, like im so fucking stupid and annoying i think hes getting tired of it. i feels like im slowly loosing my mind again bc of everything. i hate myself for the way i act towards people. most people i know would call me nice, they do, but then i literally argue with everyone over stupid shit just bc i am sensetive. and i dont know how to deal with myself, i just get so easily mad and jealous of everyone and its starting to spread out more over the people i love which is not meant to happen but i cant control it. how much i try to be nick, will continue to always be charlie. what was i made for? i dont even know myself anymore. people say they're proud of me but i will literally treat them like shit without even realizing it myself. all i really want is to be seen and heard, but i end up embarresing myself, overshare or just make people upset. im just a failure, im not supposed to be here, i dont fit in. i dont know whats right or wrong anymore i just want to live my life, but im literally just miserable. i try so hard everyday, to get people to like me, to make me like myself a little bit more and not hating myself, but when ive done something wrong i cant even realise my mistake until so long after ive done it, and i feel so stupid. i dont deserve to live the life that i do. i dont deserve any of this. i try to be like everyone else, i try to be interesting but if you try too hard no one is gonna like you. and if youre not interesting people wont wanna hang out with you bc youre boring. you should be funny but not mean, you should be perfect but not fake, you shoulld be thin but not starve, you should be smart not a tryhard, you should be yourself but not different, you should be happy but not annoying, you should be kind but not too kind because then people will use you for their own good. i hate humans, i hate what we've made this world into. sorry this became a whole vent post but im just so tired of living without having anything to live FOR.

#what was i made for #menatl health #what was i thinking #what was i doing #i hate everything #heartstopper #comfort

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hopeididntscareyou · 2 years

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I feel guilty because i'm always complaining about people just wanting to spend time with me. I should be more appreciative of those who care about me and value me instead of paying attention to people who cant give me the time of the day because theyre too busy for me. I wonder if they have the brain to realize that i know what they're doing. Its called not respecting my time so don't be surprised if i'm being a bitch to you. I don't get rude for no reason. I'm a bitch because its either I hate you or you deserve it.

I also realized that over the years i feel like i kinda been slowly losing interest in intimacy and for most people its usually the opposite, but for me i just don't really feel the same anymore. I am currently dating someone very affectionate right now physically and emotionally and I feel bad about it because he always ask whats wrong and i dont really have a reason im just not in the mood. I dont like to kiss too much i dont feel like making love. Its like im just too numb to show any affection. And honestly im not proud of it because i know he deserves more. i remember back in 2019 when i was with my ex who was the same way and i knew exactly how it feels as a partner because i had to beg for affection from him and we always argued about it, i was very unhappy with that relationship i felt neglected and then hes surprised why i was the way i was. Now that i think about it maybe im going through the same shit and even worse, i just have very low energy levels all the time, the love language i can only give is acts of service and thats it. Everything else feels forced to me. Its not natural. Its the same vibe i feel when i was binge gaming for 17hrs+ and i was too drained and brain dead to play but i just play for the sake of playing. dating feels like just a distraction/escape from my reality. im thinking maybe im depressed and relationship isnt going to fix it because its got nothing to do with the root cause of why i am being like this.

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xoxo-teddybear · 3 years

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What Have I Done? - Bakugou Katsuki

Bakugou x f!reader

Warnings: Angst, Physical injuries, cursing

Summary: An argument gone out of hand. Y/N just wanted Katsuki to be home more. They’re married and yet she barely sees him throughout the week. When she finally speaks on her hurt feelings, she gets a reaction she definitely wasn’t expecting.

Chapter 1 -> Chapter 2

A/N:.....I cried while writing this.

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

‘He’s gone already. Again. Like always.’

Y/N had awoken to another empty bed. Her husband’s side of the mattress remained cold and empty. This wasn’t anything new. It’s been like this for the past few months. She would wake up alone, eat breakfast alone, spend her day alone, eat dinner alone, and go back to sleep at the end of the day...alone.

It’s not that Katsuki is intentionally ignoring Y/N. He loves her with his everything, he truly does! But villains never rest and neither does he. He’s so preoccupied with hero work that when he does get a day off, his friends drag him away to a bar or game night. Y/N always ran through his head but she had always been so understanding. And besides, she knows how busy the life of a pro is. She used to be one so she gets it. Right?

Wrong. She doesn’t get it. Because even when she was a pro, her and Katsuki always found time for each other. And ever since said man made her quit, claiming he could take care of both of them easily and he would feel better knowing his beloved is safe at home, they’ve seen each other less and less. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Y/N was willing to quit her dream because she found a new dream in Katsuki. She always imagined that being his little housewife would give them more time together but the opposite of that came true. Now she sits in the big empty house with no company for hours on end.

Her sadness builds up every day. She misses her husband. She tries to be an understanding wife but at this point, it’s like he’s not even trying to make an effort to see her. It’s like he’s settled to just coming home to her sleeping form and waking up to her in the exact same state, leaving before he can witness her do anything else. He should understand her though, no? I mean, she had brought it up to him in a very casual way and so he never took it seriously, but she’s mentioned it before. He should have a pretty vivid image of how shes been feeling. Right?

After 6 months of loneliness and being ‘Katsuki-deprived,’ Y/N made her move to speak to her husband about her feelings. She already imagined the outcome. An argument due to Katsuki’s brash behavior and her ‘never back down’ attitude, sad times bringing in the silent treatment for the two of you up until the both of you give in and forgive each other due to the love you have. Finally ending in a compromise. Y/N released a heavy breath as she looked at the time.

1:36 a.m. Just a few more minutes until Katsuki’s home.

—

He was pissed. 3 large scale bank robberies, 10 villain-wannabe fights, an argument with his publicist about his ‘out of line attitude,’ and Deku replacing him on a random ass billboard. The last detail wouldn’t have mattered if it was anybody else but the fact that it was Deku had him riled up. He just wanted to go home to a quiet house with his beautiful wife and admire her gorgeous, slumbering state. However that was not what he was greeted with.

Katsuki grumbled as he unlocked the front door and walked in. He noticed the lights were still on and saw Y/N still awake, seated on the couch. On any other day, he’d be elated to see his wife was still up. They’d talk and cuddle and go to sleep together. If he was lucky, they’d both make love until the sun rose. But tonight, that wouldn’t be happening. He wanted a quiet house with his sleeping wife. Not..whatever was about to happen. He sighed as he dropped his bag at the front door and sloppily placed his keys in the glass bowl near the door.

“What’re you doing up dumbass?” He asked as he walked to the kitchen, not even bothering to take off his shoes. He needed a drink.

“I was waiting for you, Katsuki. I just wanted to talk to you about something,” you said in a soft voice, hoping it would suppress his for sure incoming anger. Katsuki closed the fridge with a kick to the heavy door and chugged down a quarter of his drink.

“I’m not in the mood. Had a shitty day and I wanna sleep. Just go to bed.” He said sternly while trying to finish his beer as fast as he could.

“Don’t you think I would’ve done that hours ago? I wouldn’t have stayed up and waited for you if this wasn’t important. Please Katsuki, I really wanna talk.” Bakugou was beginning to grow annoyed. Why wouldn’t you just drop it already? He squeezed his bottle hard enough for it too crack before he spoke with a louder voice.

“Y/N! You’re not listening! I’m tired. I had a horrible day and I just want to sleep. I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to stay up anymore, and I don’t want to listen to whatever bullshit you’re about to complain and bitch about like you always do!” He screamed. His words made your jaw drop.

“Not listening?! That’s all I do! All I do is listen to your every command so that you come home happy-“

“Well it looks like you failed today!” He said, cutting you off.

“Quit interrupting! And what was it that you said?! All I do is bitch and complain?! I’m trying to talk to you about something serious here Katsuki!” You pleaded, still hoping he would give in and listen. And he did...just not in the way you’d expect.

“Fine then! If this’ll get you to quit being an annoying ass waste of time, then speak! Talk! What the hell do you want?!” He asked, screaming at you, furious at all the dramatics you’ve brought up in one night.

His words kind of stung. ‘Annoying ass? Waste of time? Is this what he thinks I am?’ You grew silent at his insults and Katsuki seethed even more.

“Oh what? I scream at you and you bitch up? Toughen up Y/N, jeez. Quit acting like a baby! Tell me what you wanted to say!” He yelled.

“.......I just....I just wanted you to spend some time with me. .....Be home more.” You said in a quiet and broken voice. You looked down to the now very interesting floor as you played with your hands.

“Seriously? This shit again? I’m a pro-hero, Y/N! I’m busy! I’m not gonna drop saving lives just because your brat ass wants someone to notice you! Since when were you such an attention whore?” He asked while rolling his neck to relieve his strained muscles. Your eyes widen at the ground due to his words and your head snapped back up to face him.

“A-attention whore? I-...I just want my husband to stop working so much. I don’t know..maybe have a day off or two!” She said with a crinkled nose as you screamed.

“I do have days off, Moron. It’s why I’m not overworked, ever thought about that?!” He screamed back.

“And you spend those days off away from me! I’m not trying to act like the world revolves around me but I would hope my own husband would spend a day with me instead of his friends that he ALWAYS sees because you ALL WORK TOGETHER!” You argued. You made a valid point and even Katsuki knew that, but he was too stubborn to admit defeat. He was still tired but he had enough energy to put you back in your place. His eyes popped as a vein grew on his neck.

“Well- WELL YOU’RE ONCE AGAIN JUST BITCHING AND COMPLAINING LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO! I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU’RE SO UPSET!” He screamed.

“Don’t understand?! You know what? I know you don’t because you never listen to-“

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, I WASNT DONE TALKING! ALL YOU DO IS SIT AROUND THE HOUSE, LAZING AROUND, DOING NOTHING BUT TRY TO ARGUE WITH-“

“LAZING AROUND?!” You shouted in disbelief. “WHO MAKES YOUR MEAL PREP THE NIGHT BEFORE SO YOU CAN ENJOY IT AT WORK AND IN THE MORNING? WHO CLEANS THE ENTIRE HOUSE EVERYDAY WHILE YOU’RE GONE? WHO MAKES SURE YOU HAVE A FULL FRIDGE, CLEAN HOUSE, GOOD FOOD, AND A HAPPY LIFE? ME KATSUKI! ME!”

“Happy life? DO I LOOK HAPPY TO YOU BITCH?! NEWSFLASH, IM NOT! SO CONGRATS Y/N! YOU FAILED ONCE AGAIN! AND WHO GIVES A FUCK IF YOU PLAY MAID WHILE IM AWAY?! IM BUSY SAVING THE FUCKING WORLD! THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS BE A GOOD WIFE SINCE YOU CANT EVEN BE A FUCKING PRO ANYMORE!” He insulted again.

“because of FUCKING YOU!” You argued once more.

“I DID IT FOR YOU!” He said while throwing his bottle to the wall, causing it to shatter. “I DO EVERYTHING FOR YOUR UNGRATEFUL BITCH ASS! I PAY THE BILLS! I BRING HOME THE CASH! I GIVE YOU THE MONEY TO BUY ALL THE FUCKING FOOD, CLOTHES, AND ANY OTHER STUPID SHIT YOU WANT! AND ON TOP OF THAT, I STUFF YOUR STUPID CUNT TO PLEASURE YOUR UNGRATEFUL ASS. AT THIS POINT, YOU’RE JUST A WALKING HOLE FOR ME TO USE!”

His words hurt. They broke your heart. Did he really feel this way? If so, why was he even with you anymore. You notice a smirk grow on his face at your bewildered state. He looked as if he just won something. However, the smirk dropped into a scowl once he saw your eyes begin to pool with tears.

“Oh great! Cry! Go ahead! Just shed your fucking tears like you always do! I’m going to bed! Come join me when you’re done being an annoying bitch.” He said and stuffed his hands in his pockets as he began to walk away. You didn’t want the conversation to go this way and there was no conclusion. You needed this to be resolved now. You just wanted your husband back. You reached out to stop him from walking but the unforeseen happened.

“Katsuki..don’t walk away from thi-“

“DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME!” He said and smacked your arms away with a burning palm. Without realizing, Katsuki began to spark his quirk and so when he went in to push you away, he burned your forearm.

A loud blast and smoke filled the room and your screams of pain invaded his ears. The sound made a shocked face grow on him as he quickly turned to see the damaged he had caused. His heart sank as he saw you crying while holding your burnt arm with your other hand. You were slightly hunched over in pain as you took notice of the damage that had been caused. That he caused.

“Y/N!” Bakugou softly shouted as he ran to you. He wanted to help but before he could even lay a finger on you, you flinched. The action caused him to hesitate and hold himself back. He ran to the kitchen sink to get a cold rag and he brought it back to you. “Baby! I am so sor-“

You pushed him away and off of you as you quickly walked to your bedroom with a shadow casted over your eyes. Tears still flowed down your cheeks as sniffles could be heard from your cherry red nose. Katsuki couldn’t believe what he just did and ran to follow you.

“Y/N! Please listen! I didn’t mean it! I don’t know how that happened Teddy Bear but I swear I didn’t mean it! I swear I didn’t mean any of the bullshit I said! I’m sor-“

*SLAM* *click!*

Katsuki realized he followed you out the kitchen, through the living room, up the stairs, and to the entrance of the master bedroom you both shared before you slammed the door and locked it right in his face.

“Baby! Please open the door!” He said while knocking in a very rushed manner. He wanted nothing more than to help you and treat the damage he caused to his beloved wife. He had royally fucked up. He began turning and jiggling the locked knob in an attempt to get it open but failed. “Please Y/N! I have to take care of you and that burn. I’m so sorry but please let me in!”

On the other side of the door, you pressed your back against it as you held in your sobs and slid to the bottom. You pulled both lips in to conceal your voice while you held your wrist to examine the burn on your arm. It was so bad. Your skin turned an angry shade of red as it blistered and bled. You were dripping blood all over your carpeted floor and so you ran to the master bathroom in the bed room.

You turned on the sink and placed your forearm under the cold, running water. The water soothed it a bit but it wasn’t enough to cover the pain. You turned off the sink and grabbed a hand rag as you patted down on your wound. You took out the first aid kit and cared for yourself. You had to take the alcohol to clean it and sucked in a breath before you poured the solution over the burn. You screamed as it seemed to have hurt 10x more. After dabbing cotton over it, you wrapped it in bandages and took a breath of relief.

‘What just happened?’ You thought to yourself.

The entire time, Katsuki was still begging for you to open up. He heard your scream and grew frantic. He banged on the door and cried for you, still hoping, praying, that you would let him in. When nothing happened, he resorted back to calling out for you but to no avail.

About an hour went by and it was almost 4 in the morning. You sat on the bed with your arms holding your knees to your chest. You stared at the wrap as the memories of what went down tonight flashed through your brain.

‘Waste of time...brat ass...attention whore...ungrateful...annoying bitch.’

His words struck you right in your heart. Cruel thoughts began to fill your head.

‘He doesn’t love me. He hates me. I’m worthless.’ Your thoughts would’ve continued until a quiet knock snapped you out of you mind.

“....Y/N?...Baby?” It was Katsuki of course, but a softer version of him. A broken one. “..I don’t know if you’re listening or if you’re awake..but I need you to know that I’m so so sorry.” It was easy to hear his muffled and staggered voice that exposed his tears and sobs. “If I could turn back time right now, I would do tonight all over again, I swear. I would’ve came home and listened to you. And we could’ve talked things out. We would’ve came out of this problem being a stronger couple than we were before...because that’s what we always do. We always make it out of the dark together..because we’re a team..and I need you. .....Please...please don’t leave me Y/N. I love you so much. ‘M so sorry that I hurt you..that I burned you..that I’m such a terrible husband. But I promise you I’ll fix everything in the morning...................Teddy Bear?”

He didn’t know it, but you were listening. You heard every word but refrained from speaking. You knew that the second you did, you’d break down and go crawling back to him....but you didn’t want to do that. You wanted to leave. He physically burned you and you wanted to leave. You were going to sleep for a few hours, and when you would awaken, you would pack a bag and leave. And so, you began your plan and tried to get some sleep as tear streaks marked your face. It would all be over soon.

You woke up to the morning sun.

6:50 a.m.

You rose out of bed and rubbed at your puffy eyes. You quietly got ready in the bathroom and applied the slightest bit of makeup to look more presentable. You took out a pair of shoes and tossed them to the center of the room. You were in your closet and pulled out a bag. You stuffed it full of a few clothes for you to wear, you couldn’t stay here. Not after what he did. You fought through the pain as you pulled on your jacket and placed your shoes on. You wiped your tears as you picked up your purse and got ready to leave. You were going to stay in a hotel. Didnt matter where or how expensive. You just needed to get away.

Finally, you walked to the exit of the bedroom. You took a breath before you slowly turned the knob and was greeted with the sight of a sleeping Bakugou. He had slept in the hallway in front of the bedroom, still wearing the same clothes from the night before. His knees were scrunched up with his arms resting there to be used as a pillow. He layed his head atop of his arms and as you looked down into his hands, you saw the rag. The exact rag from the argument. The rag that he attempted to use to help you. Little did you know, Bakugou hadn’t planned on getting rid of it until you let him use it to help you. He wanted nothing more than to fix his mistake and cater to you and your wound.

You shook your head as you felt tears began to fill your eyes but you refused to let them fall. You took a step and sadly awoken the exact man you were trying to avoid. Bakugou had quickly woken up when he heard the slightest noise and was blessed with the beauty that is you. He looked up at you with wide eyes and a small smile.

“Y/N...” was what he whispered before he quickly got up to run to you.

“Y/N!” He ecstatically said with a hint of relief. He was about to wrap him arms around you but you kept a hand at his chest to keep him at bay. “Baby?...”

Bakugou looked at you with hurt and confused eyes when you didn’t welcome his embrace. Even when you were mad at him, you still allowed him to hold you so what gives? He looked at you and your attire. He noticed your jacket and shoes and saw you holding a bag. “W-what are you doing?”

You walked away from him but he snatched your wrist to make you turn to face him. “Y/N! What’s going on?!” He frantically asked with crazed eyes. You snatched your wrist back and ran down the stairs and he copied your actions. He followed you into the living room until he grabbed your wrist once more. You tried to pull away again but found it harder because this time, he gripped it tight.

“W-where are you going baby?”

“Dont call me that.”

“What? Why? Baby, please tell me what’s going on.” He begged as he squeezed your wrist.

“What’s going on? Are you serious? What does it look like? I’m leaving!” Bakugou’s eyes went wide once more and shook his head.

“N-no! No, why!?”

“Why?! Look at my arm!” You screamed.

“I know! I know and I’m so sorry! But..but you don’t have to go! I can fix you up, I’ll take you to recovery girl, I will bring you to the best hospitals around the world to fix that for you! Just please don’t go!” He bargained and offered everything but you weren’t budging.

“It’s not just the burn Bakugou.” You deadpanned with a nonchalant face. His heart felt heavy after hearing your voice refer to him with his family name.

“..I-it’s Katsuki! Your Katsuki! It’s Suki, baby please!” Bakugou stepped closer as he cried once more but you backed away again. His hold on your wrist still strong as his fingers played with the ring on your hand, trying to calm himself down and remind himself that you are still his wife.

You shook your head at his pleading. “Bakugou. You burned me. But not only that, you’ve neglected me for months.”

“I know that! And I’m sorry! I will spend just as much time off of work to make it up to you, I swear I will, I promise!” He once again bargained.

“It’s too late.”

“No it’s not, please, it can’t be!”

“It is Bakugou-“

“KATSUKI! ....please...please don’t call me that. I’m your Katsuki,” he said with a whimpering voice. At this point you felt the tears come through, but you still didn’t allow them to fall.

“Katsuki...I can’t stay here. Too much damage has been done.” You said with a soft voice. Bakugou continued to shake his head ‘no,’ but you already made up your mind. You used your wind quirk in your hand and blew his grip off your wrist. You took the quick opportunity to walk to the door but Bakugou grabbed your bag off your shoulder in a childish panic and attempt to get you to stay.

“Hey!-“

“Please Y-Y/N! Please don’t leave me! I- I know I’ve been a terrible husband! I’m sorry! B-But I promise I’ll do better. I’ll stay at home more, I’ll spend more time with you, Please!”

“Katsu-“

“I’ll buy you whatever you want! I’ll get you all the expensive brands, I’ll find you all the best jewelry, I’ll give you all the money in the world! I’ll give you the whole world! Please stay! I love you so much Y/N!”

“Katsuki, give me back my bag,” you tried to reach for it but Bakugou kept it away from you and pulled you in with one arm and held you in a tight embrace as he cried on your shoulder.

“Please...you can’t do this to me. I need you. I love you! I’ll do better! I’ll be a better husband, I swear..just please don’t go.” He softly spoke with a broken voice and soft hiccups. It was wrong for you to do this, but you sighed and pretended to forgive him as you wrapped your arms around his torso. You hugged him tight and he fell for it as he openly sobbed now. His other arm that held your bag came to wrap around your waist but before it could, you snatched the bag out of his hold and pushed him away. You ran to the door and held a tight grip on the knob as you picked up your car keys. You saw Katsuki attempt to run back to you but you created a strong barrier of wind to protect you. “IM SORRY Y/N! PLEASE DONT!”

You took off your ring and tossed it to him through the barrier. He was quick to catch it and hold it right in fear of losing it. He had to find a way to get it back on your finger. “No..baby...Teddy Bear please!”

“....I’ll send you the divorce papers....Goodbye Katsuki.”

With that, you walked out of the door, still keeping the barrier alive. Once you started the car, you dispersed of the wind and Bakugou opened the door and ran to your car.

“Y/N wait! Please!” He cried out but he was too late. You pulled out of the driveway and drove off quickly down the street. He watched your car go as he began hyperventilating and tugging at his ash blonde locks. He ran back inside the house with your ring in hand as he looked for his phone. He found it on the kitchen island and quickly dialed your number. Of course, it went straight to voicemail but that didn’t stop him from calling about 50x more.

“This-...this has to be some stupid dream. A fucking nightmare...” he said as he tried to hide in denial. “Yeah...a nightmare. This is what it is...I’ll..I’ll wake up soon and she’ll be by my side in the morning...sleeping peacefully...and I’ll take the whole week off and spend it with her. She won’t be mad, we’ll be happy like we always are. S-She won’t leave me.”

Bakugou had an insane smile on his face with eyes of distraught on him. He clumsily made his way back to his bedroom where he flopped onto the large mattress and tried to get some sleep. He would sleep the whole day away if it meant you’d still be by his side when he woke up. The ring you abandoned was held tight in the palm of his hand as he held it close to his chest. His sobs overcame him but did aid in his journey to slumber. Eventually, he knocked out and a smile of bliss adorned his face as he assumed you would still be there in the morning.....oh how wrong he was.

The very next day, he woke up at 5:30 like he always did and quickly looked to your side of the bed. It was cold and empty. He was lonely. The exact same feeling you got everytime you woke up without seeing him for the past 6 months.

6 months. You’ve been married for 4 years and together for 8. Out of those 8 years, Bakugou spent 6 months neglecting you..and now...he lost you.

He stared at the empty space and bawled his eyes out like a baby as he screamed. He got out of bed and walked to the kitchen. Maybe you were cooking breakfast! You weren’t. Kitchen was empty. He ran to the living room! Maybe you were just watching some TV and reading a book, looking all cute and domesticated like you usually did. No, you weren’t there either. Bakugou checked every room in the house and when he couldn’t find you..he snapped.

His heart beated at a rapid pace as he trashed the entire house. Breaking windows, flipping desks, smashing furniture. He used his quirk to create blasts and burn marks into the walls and floors of the house. He did everything to get his frustrations out. The entire time he shouted and cried as rivers of tears flowed down his cheeks.

When he was done, he sat in the middle of the destroyed living room, laying his back against the flipped couch. He sat with his knees scrunched up as he hunched over, staring at the ground. His nose and eyes and basically his entire face grew puffy and red. His hair was a mess and so was he. Silent tears continued to drop, but his throat was too dry and hurt far too much for him to make anymore noise. However, he did fight through the pain to say one final thing:

“What have I done?”

A/N: hi cubsss! So a lot of you may know that my very first post, writing piece, and short story (He’s Lost) was created around angst, a breakup, and the fact that the triggering point was Bakugou physically hurting Y/N. I’ve been thinking about it and I HATE MY WRITING IN THE FIRST POST! It was terrible! Why tf did y’all like it so much?😭 And so, I’ve created a new piece revolving around the same elements, sorta as a way to check my progress. I hope you enjoyed!

ALSO!!! If you guys like this enough, I’m willing to turn it into a small yandere short story if you Cubs are down for that. Let me know and I’ll make it happen! Love you Cubs! See you next time🧸💗

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enderspawn · 3 years

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op I am pleading for you to talk about c!Schlatt I keep getting interrogated for saying c!Schlatt was the best president and he really didn't do anything super terribly wrong please talk about him

i mean... im sorry anon but idk abt best PRESIDENT. manburg under schlatt.... kind of sucked imo JFKDLSJFKL

1. manburg had massive food shortages, to the point the average citizen (including fundy) had to eat spider eyes to survive.

2. he imposed ludicrious tax of his civillians (namely niki. we dont know if he did that to Every Business like w fundy or if he targeted niki specifically bc of her closeness to the ex-president, but neither is good)

3. exiled those who he saw as political opponents to keep his power

4. straight up ignored his cabinet a lot of the time to make his own decisions (such as destroying the white house, which led to quackity leaving)

5. was widely hated by all the citizens. literally at one point all the ppl left in manburg was schlatt and jack manifold (who was MIA on the server and left to found Manifold Land when he came back)

6. held a public execution, AGAIN without the consent or knowledge of his cabinet (IF I REMEMBER RIGHT. i know big q opposed the execution at minimum, but idk for sure if he knew it was planned at all before the festival)

7. was basically at war his entire presidency thanks to pogtopia's existence

and thats just what i can think of rn! the reasons i like c!schlatt are fully based around him as a character and HIS personal development, not around his policies or actions. especially when compared to the other two presidents, who either won or prevented a war and kept the majority of its citizens happier and healthier than Manburg, he's.... probably the worst president they had tbh

BUT since you gave me an excuse to ramble abt him anyway, i wanna go on abt what i DO like abt him (under a cut bc this post is already kinda long oops) but

tldr; i like schlatt bc of his relationships with others, his flaws and pitiable moments, and how he is a fantastic parallel/foil to the characters around him

I like his complex (and yes, abusive) relationship with quackity, especially after his death and quackity's feelings flipping rapidly between hating him and missing him. but before that they did have a honeymoon-esque period-- at least from quackity's view.

watching their date you get the idea schlatt mightve never really been interested in him and mightve just been using quackity's interest in him for his own advancement! but we dont know.

maybe he did truly love quackity in his own fucked up way in the end, even if he wasnt a good person. maybe he regrets his actions and cruelty. or maybe he doesnt.

in the end they were (like the animatic i linked said) "built from the same dirt", they're both incredibly ambitious and prideful people and parallel each other a LOT (see: q's need for power, his want to execute ranboo paralleling tubbos execution, etc). they're not good for one another, but i love seeing just how they fall apart together (i hope you die, i hope we both die kind of beat)

and.... god his relationship and impact w fundy i could ramble abt all day dude. fundy kept schlatt's sword after his death and calls it an heirloom. we dont know 100% how old fundy was when wilbur was exiled (i mena... he ran for president but current fundy is like 20something and tommy ALSO ran as vp at 16) but we can assume he was a late teen. his own father was gone, but schlatt... seemed to CARE. he showed him affection.

fundy's never truly felt like hes BELONGED anywhere (even the country his father said was all for him, he felt ostracized and made different by his fathers doting babying) and because of that hes always looking for a group to be a part of. hes a people pleaser (its part of why hes so easy for big q to get for las nevadas).

and schlatt GIVES him that feeling of belonging he deserves. hes a spy the entire time, yes, but he becomes conflicted about it as time goes on.

could schlatt just be using fundy and filling his head with empty praise? sure, i couldnt fault you at all for that interpretation, its perfectly valid. BUT, i dont think so. he seemed genuinely shocked to see fundy oppose him on nov 16th. remember, he didnt know fundy was a spy.

in that moment he realizes just HOW alone he is and always has been. and its a tragic moment: the last person he had, the person he himself mightve truly CARED about left him just like everyone else. he was alone, truly and fully. even his allies were only there out of obligation and bc of him paying.

he knows his health has been failing him. he cant even swim due to muscular issues but he refuses see a doctor about it because he refuses to let himself be seen as weak.

hell, one could argue that issue leads to his abraisive and abusive behavoir in relationships: he refuses to let himself be true and genuine to anyone, there always has to be a wall and a proud perfect persona. its part of why hes a great villain both in narrative and to watch as a casual fan: just like c!wilbur, he's playing an act.

hes a foil and a parallel to wilbur. both are men who hide their true selves behind a certain role or persona they feel they have to play while they hide their crumbling health (schlatt's more physical and wilbur's more mental). both experience their rise and fall. but wilbur isnt despised, even if he thinks he is, while schlatt isnt truly loved by anyone, even if he thinks he is.

most of all, their deaths couldnt be more different. wilbur went out with a bang. a large dramatic scene fit for a storybook, with a long monologue and cinematic final blow ALL made to fit how he saw himself in a story and simply filling a required roll. but schlatts death is practically overlooked (especially in comparison to wilburs death and everything else that happened that day).

he built his entire persona about being this massive, larger than life powerful guy but he died small, weak, and frail to his own failing body. its... pitiful, honestly. it doesnt feel fitting, it feels wrong. his life up that point demanded drama, but his death was nothing more than... an accident, almost. unintentional. clumsy. its fucking brilliant.

#dream smp #schlatt #quackity #fundy #mcyt #THIS IS A LONG POST BUT PLEASE IF YOU CAN READ IT #BC IM RIGHT AND SMART AND SEXY!!!!#also bc he is VERY underrated in a critical analysis way <3 #wilbur #HES THERE TOO #answered #anon #anyway once again anon im sorry for uh. immediately disagreeing but manburg was indeed Not Great #even if he DIDNT directly cause them by an action he took #the time he governed was Generally Bad #like wilbur didnt do fuck shit during lmanberg era BUT the citizens in general were happy and fine so he inherently did Better #even if schlatt did equal amounts of Nothing #he did a lot of wrong but like he was tragic abt it so its okay FJDKSLFJKL #anyway time to unapologetically main tag in hopes tumblr doesnt do that top 5 tags thing anymore bc this took so much time and i want attent #dsmp analysis #schlatt analysis #og post #(jeb bush voice) please clap

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silverdoesntshipall · 2 years

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HeY wHat are YOuR Nagito Komaeda HeAdCaNonS

Oh thank you for asking "anonymous" whom i am unaffiliated with (looking kind of good though not going to lie...)

Sexuality Headcanon: Homosexual without a doubt (VERY STRONG MAYBE demiromantic, but regardless men-only) . It still pains me to see people CONTINUE to suggest that he could even POSSIBLY like women even if it were completely unrelated to their gender. Nagito likes men CANONICALLY. He was elbow deep in mikans pussy and he had never even batted an EYE. (in fact, he looked DISPLEASED more than anything.) I sincerely judge other people's character analysis comprehension if they even THINK Nagito might be even the SLIGHTEST bit interested in a woman. (also low that theyre letting a weird not-fitting character ship affect a literal unarguability for Nagito) (im wording this exaggeratively on purpose) Gender Headcanon: Transgender male. People really be widespread headcanonning Hajime as transgender just because of his fat tits but everyone is just glossing over how transgender as fuck Nagito is. He literally can never breath because he binds 24/7 and people are ignoring his struggle. (also because he has asthma) A ship I have with said character: Komahina/Kamukoma - literally canon. I don't think I'm swaying the annoying anti-komahina people (who are annoying. its more based to BE the "good side" of fandom yourself rather than to let annoying people ruin genuinely good things for you.) by being matter of fact and intentionally "im right your wrong" but komahina is literally canon. Though Nagito is the bottom of BOTH parts shut up Hajime is awkward and nervous but Nagito would just slide underneath him in spread-eagle Mikan pose. (Also Kamukoma is good and underrated pls draw more) A BROTP I have with said character: Monomi and Nagito- literally a therapy bot and someone who violently needs therapy (And exclusively dr3 Chiaki and Nagito but people never portray them in a way that appeals to me and ISNT a "annoyingly casual webtoon moment") A NOTP I have with said character: Komanami and Komamiki. Could you guess why? Though more seriously besides the sexuality issue I just dont think either of them would get together well at all. Chiaki's way of therapy/advice wouldn't suit Nagito very well, her way of thinking being usually straight-forwards and 'going with the flow' kind of behavior (AKA she doesnt seem like the kind of person who would always take Nagito's tangents seriously bec shes ditzy and she isn't the kind of overly-negating person Nagito would be better off with) -- Mikan however should be OBVIOUS WHY NOT. Mikan's entire personality is "shy and bullied person who is secretly very shitty" (considering she gets a power trip from making her patients dependent on her NON-DESPAIR). She is overly apologetic and insecure and so is Nagito and they would fight over who is worse until they both put themselves down to the point they BOTH just feel like shit (which could be humerous but not healthy). Not to mention everyone who ships them forgets that she literally jabbed one of Nagito's insecurities knowingly? (She mocked him for being alone/having no one when he is afraid of dying alone AND LIKE YEAH you could argue she was despair-mode at the time but like still sooo cute guys) A random headcanon: He is autistic with autism and im right and the fact that people portray him as neurotypical/just "quirky" is ummm? dumb?. General Opinion over said character: He is very misunderstood and misread and its annoying (though not surprising because the dr fandom is notorius for that). But otherwise he is a very VERY shockingly well-written character. His personality is very enjoyable to me and I wish that the dr fandom had the same 3rd eye I have and didn't rely on the fact that he's gay for his personality. (AKA everyone bases his personality off of that ONE sassy nagito sprite) I AM VERY PLEASED HE HAS BECOME ONE OF DR'S MOST ICONIC CHARACTERS and he is one of my most favorite characterz. (Also the people hate him for being popular/be like "ughhh hes such a smelly (asian slur) XDD" are annoying)

(Yes I take constructive critism but I will argue against all of it.)

#danganronpa #dr #dr2 #sdr2 #super danganronpa 2 #danganronpa 2 #Nagito #nagito komaeda #komaeda nagito #blah blah blah

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finaledenialist · 4 years

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so in one of your asks you said you dont think cas was in love with dean since the beginning and idk its interesting to me because everyone seem to think he was from the start so what is your take on that? idk im just curious haha

ohhh I wanted to make a post about this so thanks for asking!

disclaimer: I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade I just have a different take on this whole thing!!!

So. I see people are like: OMG he was in love ALL THIS TIME SINCE 4x01 and I am like: no.

Was he lost since he laid his hand on Dean in hell? Yes. Was he instantly in love? Nah.

See, Cas in season 4 and 5 is starting to feel. He is conflicted, he is questioning, he doesn’t have ‘people skills’, he is confused by what he feels, he knows there is a ‘profound bond’ between him and Dean and he is rebelling for Dean, because Dean has a point and Cas feels Dean is right and apocalypse and destruction are wrong, and this human is so human and he never had that connection before. Add the sexual innuendos, the eye fucking and the tension between those two and this is what i call ‘classic destiel’. I do have a strong feeling this is partly Jensen’s and Misha’s fault though haha but I am also convinced that the jokes like ‘Cas, get out of my ass!’/’Blow me Cas’ are purely for ‘comedic purposes’ because haha gay so funny (keep in mind it’s still 2008/2009 and things were so different then BUT we still got Endverse which had not only sexual stuff implied but romantic as well - ‘all we have left, Dean and I, is each other, if Dean says it’s time to go in a blaze of glory, so be it’ (I am writing this from memory so these might not have been exact lines but you know what I am talking about).

And then in season 6 and 7 is where things start to get romantic. ‘I watched you rake leaves’, Dean’s blind faith that no, Cas can’t be working with Crowley behind their backs because come on it’s Cas and the whole 6x20 episode is *chief’s kiss* and then season 7 and Cas dies to make things right and Dean keeps his trenchcoat and moves it from every car they have been using that season to always have it with him because part of me always believed you’d come back. OK, but I was meant to be talking mostly about Cas’ point of view. Which takes me back to 7x23 and I’d rather have you, cursed or not. I think these words had a major impact on Cas. Something just clicked. Because he realized that he could say these exact same words to Dean and they still would be true.

And then we got season 8 which was a major shift and it really moved stuff from ‘sexual tension’ to ‘romantic tension’ and it’s still called ‘season fanfiction’ because I wanted to keep them away from you in purgatory and Cas generally not feeling worthy of anything but I think this is when he started to realize that what he feels is not like ‘brotherly friendship’ but something much deeper but he had his issues (I don’t deserve to be saved from purgatory thing) so he kind of kept it buried. But this was when the Real Love really started. But did he admit it to himself? Well I am not in Cas’ head but something must have been on his mind - Naomi had access too his mind and she immediately recognized that there is a certain Feeling that is dangerous and Cas needs to be fucking lobotomized (I still have shivers thinking about it). Did Naomi knew it was love? Idk, but she felt something was going on - that is why she tried to mess things up between Dean and Cas (I only wish he felt the same way ouch my heart....) and Metatron also recognized it, quicker and better (maybe because he spent much more time on earth and was generally a little more powerful and knowing as the scribe of God) and he immediately used Cas’ grace to banish angels from heaven because Cas was feeling love for a human. But did he, himself recognized it as love? Did he admit it to himself? I still have a feeling that no. I still think that his ‘I don’t know’ after Dean’s ‘What broke the connection?’ was honest.

Now let me fast forward to season 12, because this post is getting too long already and while seasons 9-11 had some good episodes and even good destiel scenes I feel this was the time many people - rightly so - were starting to lose faith in canon destiel, starting with Dean not letting Cas stay in the bunker in season 9 and bros acting like they only call Cas when they need him. I repeat - there were still some good episodes, even great ones. And we were shown Cas worried about Dean and being there for him anytime Dean called, there was so much pining but once again let me raise The Question: did Cas know what he was feeling was love? Or was he still confused, not letting himself believe, not being able to name his own feelings and emotions? And this is merely my opinion but this is also time where many people started to be bitter and negative by how writers treated Cas (and other characters in general but I am not gonna dive into that dumpster now, especially the Cas-having-sex-with-a-reaper thing which was awful, but in retrospect is even more awful because if it was Chuck’s writing this seems like some kind of sick attempt to do a conversion therapy and I want to throw up; plus he thought? he was into his boss at gas’n’sip and he thought she was into him and what even was it if not a. bad writing; b. Cas being confused; c. Cas being confused about this bad writing).

So season 12. First of all 12x12, when Cas thought he is gonna die and the infamous line ‘I love you. I love all of you’ happened. I am 100% sure this is when Cas realized. This must have prompted questions for him. Why did I say what I said? He blurted those words out but why like that? Aaaand after some thinking I think he realized why. He must’ve been like ‘oooops’. But then Jack was about to be born and he had to protect Kelly and then he died.

And then he is in the Empty who says - I know who you love, I know what you fear, there is nothing for you out there. She doesn’t know shit, she just has access to Cas’ mind and apparently those were his thoughts, already at that time, he thought there was nothing for him out there (again, his depression issues) BUT THEN CAS, MY SWEET CAS, THIS BAD ASS MOTHERFUCKER says fuck you Empty in one of his best monologues (before 15x18 I’d say it was his best but here we are) and she yeets him out, because HE decided HE is already saved and he doesn’t need a permission and you can preen and you can scream and yell and remind me of my failings but somehow, I'm awake. And I will stay awake and I will keep you awake until we both go insane. I will fight you. Fight you and fight you for... ever. For eternity.

And then Jack dies and he takes the humiliating deal. And now we’re at 15x18 and he says: ‘I have always wondered.... ever since I took that burden.... What my true happiness can even look like... Because the one thing I want is the one thing I can’t have’. SEE THESE WORDS HERE ARE WHY I CAN’T SLEEP AT NIGHT. BECAUSE THEY IMPLY at least to me THAT:

1. He was aware of his feelings, he knew what he felt was love at the time he took the deal. and after that he was like ‘I guess I am immortal now’ because the one thing I want is the one thing I can’t have so nothing else is going to make him truly happy; this also implies that there is only one thing he truly wants and the rest is just not that important, whatever else happens won’t make him happy which is heartbreaking;

2. He knew what he wanted, so this means that at some point he wondered, he imagined, he took his time to picture the ‘thing’ he wanted. Which is life with Dean. Because he is in love. LIKE HE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS, HE REALLY DID AND HE CONCLUDED THAT THIS IS OUT OF HIS REACH (now people argue if that is because he thinks it’s unrequited or because he thinks that something something hunter life-fighting all the time-no attachments lifestyle won’t allow them to have this sort of life - and frankly, knowing that he learned everything, or almost everything about emotions from Dean, who isn’t really good at them, I am not surprised if he is sure that this feeling is one-sided, because maybe he conquered his fears in the Empty the first time around but taking the deal must have made him anxious and Chuck still calls him self-hating so he probably thinks this is one-sided and he is unworthy of love anyway);

3. He tried to imagine different scenarios that would make him happy but eventually it all came down to That One True Scenario, out of his reach, that couldn’t compare with anything else, and he tells Jack - you know about that deal, it’s ok, I don’t see myself becoming happy anytime soon AND IT HURTSSS

so to conclude and tl;dr - I think Cas realized that what he was feeling was love after 12x12 although he felt it before but might have been confused by it. I do not think he was ~in love~ since 4x01. There was tension and there was pining but no. This feeling evolved, it didn’t *just* happen in the barn.

also i am so sorry this took so long but i have thoughts and feelings and can’t form a coherent sentence since november 5th anyway thanks for asking nonny, ily!!!!

#ask #asks #anon #long post #destiel is endgame #cas is in love #everything is beautiful but it hurts #spn 15x18 #spn spec #spn speculation #Anonymous

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