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ragingpancake · 3 years

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Lietuenant Colonel Idiot And The Kastat Root Part 2

Part 1

The first thing John is aware of when he starts to come to is the quiet beeping of machines. He knows that that’s never a good sign but he feels floaty and warm so he has a hard time caring about what exactly landed him in the infirmary this time. He opens his eyes slowly, blinking against the overhead light, dim as it was in the moment but he doesn’t realize he’s made a noise until Teyla and Ronon quickly come into his line of vision. “Hi,” he manages, voice hoarse with disuse, and you know, probably from the tube they’d shoved down his throat to anesthetize him when Carson had cut him back open to clean him up a little. “Where’s… what happened?” He has a vague memory of a stomachache and of screaming but the pain meds they have him on makes it hard to think. It also makes it hard to sleep, so when Teyla tells him gently that he should go back to sleep and they’ll fill him in later, he doesn’t argue. He just closes his eyes and lets the darkness return.

-- It happens like that a couple of times before John finally, truly, wakes up. He thinks that it’s probably the pain that does it, that pulls him back to the land of the lucid, as Beckett has started weaning him off of the good stuff. He doesn’t remember much from those quick bursts of consciousness, but he does remember that while he’s seen Teyla and Ronon every time, he hasn’t once seen Rodney. Where’s Rodney? “Aye, Colonel,” Carson greets, leaning over as he adjusts John’s nasal cannula, Teyla and Ronon just visible over his shoulder. “Welcome back t’the land of the livin’, lad. How’re ya feelin’ this morning?” “Where’s Rodney?” He doesn’t miss the way Carson’s face shifts, just for a moment, nor does he miss the look shared by Teyla and Ronon. Something sits painfully in his gut at that and for one brief, horrible moment, he’s afraid that something happened to Rodney, something off-world, because Rodney was always here when he woke up, and-- “Settle down now,” Carson admonishes gently, and John is embarrassed to realize that the beeping on his heart rate monitor has sped up. “Rodney’s down in the labs, that’s all. He’s alright. The only one y’need to be worryin’ about now is yourself.” “How much do you remember?” Ronon asks and John can tell by the look on Teyla’s face that she’s not pleased at the question. It had been a routine mission, right? M3-X982, the Plesians, according to the ancient database. Not so routine if you ended up here, his brain reminds him and okay, fair enough. He takes a second and tries to think through the brain fog he always associates with the good drugs. He remembers the almost meatloaf and the bad jokes told by Plesia’s leader, Korom. He remembers the heat--. No. Not heat. The fever and the stomachache and--. Screaming. Hoarse screams, begging them to stop killing him, for Ronon to let him go, for Teyla to help him. And Rodney… Rodney, holding the dagger looking very much on the edge of a panic attack as he sliced through John’s skin, flaying him open. “Your appendix nearly ruptured,” Carson supplies, voice more gentle now. “Rodney recognized the signs fairly quickly but the doctor in Plesia was ill-equipped to operate.” “Doctor McKay very likely saved your life, John,” Teyla says, a fact she’s tried to get through to Rodney since their return. “Aye,” Carson agrees. “We had t’put ya under again to clean up a bit of infection and to right some suturin’, but he did bloody well considerin’ the circumstances.” “Then why… why isn’t he here?” Because no one has actually told him that much, but John can probably guess why. Guilt is a hell of a thing and John knows in an instant that he would’ve never wanted the roles reversed, would’ve never have wanted to have to--. “I need to talk to him,” and he’s not exactly thrilled with how desperate he sounds but he really doesn’t care right. He needs to talk to Rodney, needs to seehim, to tell him he did good. He starts pulling at all the leads and wires and Ronon is there again, a firm hand on his shoulder, urging him back down. “Let me talk to him first,” he says and even Teyla raises an eyebrow at that. Ronon isn’t exactly known for his uh, gentle nature, but when she meets John’s eyes, she gives him the slightest of nods. “Tell him to get his ass in here, or I’m gonna come find him myself,” John warns, but there’s no heat. The slight exertion has left him very nearly panting through a wave of pain. “I’ll be sure to pass on the message,” he says and without anything further, Ronon is gone. -- Rodney McKay isn’t known for his silence. He knows he’s a loud, obnoxious, abrasiveman even on his best day and yet ever since they’d returned from Plesia, he hadn’t been able to muster up the strength to even so much as raise his voice. It’s unnerving his scientists, he knows, but he doesn’t care. Mostly, he keeps to himself and keeps working, stopping only long enough for the occasional power nap and to replenish his supply of power bars. He’s just finished the aforementioned nap when Ronon finds

him, trudging back down to the laps to continue his work on the ancient device they’d found some time ago. He’s hoping that with enough tweaking, it can be used to send a patient into something sort of a temporary stasis, long enough to get them back through the Stargate where an actual fucking medical team can--. “McKay,” Ronon calls, but Rodney doesn’t stop. “Little busy, Chewie,” he calls over his shoulder but it lacks the usual McKay bite. “Sheppard’s awake.” Rodney does stop for that, but he doesn’t turn, shoulders tensing and he has to take a deep breath because he can feel something like panic trying to surge up again. “Is he--?” “Pissed? Yeah. Pissed that you weren’t there with us when he woke up.” “Well I’m sorry that some of us have actual work to do and can’t spend days--.” “You’re bein’ dumb.” Rodney whirls around at that, and he can feel the vein in his forehead throbbing in anger because he’s not--! He’s just--! “Sheppard probably wouldn’t have made it out of surgery without some major problems if we’d waited until the rain stopped. The Doc said so himself. Because of what you did, he’s got about another week of medicine and he’ll be back on his feet.” “I am not that kind of doctor,” Rodney reminds Ronon and he hates how he sounds in that moment, so, so upset. So weak. The weakest on the team, always. “You were the most qualified in that room to do what had to be done,” Ronon says and while that may actually be true, that won’t help when the nightmares come back. “You held it together better than either me or Teyla would’ve.” Rodney highly doubts that. “Listen,” Ronon says and this may be the most words Rodney’s heard him string together ever. “It sucked but it had to be done. You can’t keep beating yourself up for it.” We’ll see about that, Rodney thinks. “Thanks for the pep talk, Conan,” he says as he starts back for the labs. “You’re goin’ the wrong way. Infirmary’s that way.” Rodney doesn’t respond and he half expects Ronon to come after him, to throw him over his shoulder and haul him off to the infirmary, but a moment later, Rodney hears a quiet sigh and heavy footsteps falling away. He’s just not ready yet. -- Rodney might not be ready yet, but John’s never been the most patient person in the world. Especially not when it comes to Rodney. He’s tired, in pain, and annoyedby the time he makes it down to the labs, a trip that should’ve taken him five minutes on a good day but has taken nearly a half an hour for all the breaks he’s had to take to stop and lean against the wall. Carson’s going to have a field day when he comes back from surgery to find that John’s managed to sneak out, but he’ll just have to deal with that later. For now, the only thing he’s concerned about is Rodney. Atlantis takes pity on him and opens the door to the labs the minute she senses him approaching, allowing him to continue to hold on the wall as he slips inside and the minute he sees the slope of those shoulders in that blue shirt, any annoyance John had been feeling faded away. “Listen Teyla,” Rodney says and he sounds exasperated which leads John to believe that the Athosian has been down here plenty while he’s been holed up in the infirmary. He’s glad for that though. Means his people are taking care of each other. “I appreciate y--,” he turns and the words die in his throat. “Hi Rodney,” John greets, maybe a little dumbly and Rodney stands up so quickly that his stool topples backward. John thinks maybe he’s going to haul off and punch him, so he braces for impact, but when Rodney approaches, he grabs John’s arm and hauls it around his shoulder, giving him something else to lean against. “You’re supposed to be in the infirmary, you absolute idiot,” Rodney hisses and when he gets John seated on a stool, he moves to tap the communicator in his ear. “Rodney, wait!” And he reaches for the other, closing his hand around Rodney’s wrist. “Just… gimme a minute, okay?” Rodney hesitates, which is unusual for him. Rodney is always so sure of himself and quick to make

sure everyone knows it. Was this because of what happened on Plesia? “Listen,” John says and that’s about as far as he gets before Rodney is talking over him. “No! You listen, you, you, you irresponsible, stupid—” There’s a half a second that John wants to be offended and starts to respond in kind, but he stops himself because he realizes that Rodney needs this. That he’s been holding this in since they got back from that stupid planet. “You could have died! And not just from your stupid appendix, but your entire body could have gone into shock and you could have died! Because you were too stupid, too, too, too you to just go to the damn infirmary before we ever left!” “I know, Rodney and I’m –” “No! You don’t know. You have no idea!” He’s pacing now, wringing his hands together and John doesn’t think he’s ever seen him so upset. The thought that he’d been the one to cause that— “What if I’d been wrong, Sheppard? What if that had been for nothing? What if I’d—" “Rodney,” John says and he stands then, ignoring the way that the room spins just a little. “Listen to me, okay? I’m fine. You did everything right, and you probably saved me from a really shitty next few weeks, assuming I hadn’t died. I wouldn’t be sitting here right now if it wasn’t for you.” “But--.” “No buts,” John answers. “I’m sorry you had to do that, that I made you have to make that choice. You’re right, it was stupid to go off world without getting checked out first and I’m sorry, alright?” He reaches up, rubbing uncomfortably at the back of his neck. “I just… wanted to, you know, thank you for saving my ass out there. And to tell you that I’m really glad to know that no matter what, you’ve got my back.” And Rodney sags, all of the fight and the anger and maybe a little of the guilt too having gone out of him. “You’re… really alright?” “I’m really alright,” John promises him and this time, Rodney sags against the table, the tension leaving shoulders. “Thank God,” he breathes, and a breath later, “you owe me for this.” “Ah, there he is,” John says and he feigns annoyance, rolling his eyes. “No, no, you don’t understand. You owe me.” “I know, Rodney.” He doesn’t protest as Rodney comes around again, hauling John’s arm over his shoulder and as they begin to make their way from the science lab, back to John’s own quarters, John lets Rodney’s incessant babble wash over him. It felt good to hear it again, he realizes, even if he knows he’s never going to hear the end of this. And honestly? Well. He wouldn’t change that for anything in the world.

#fandom: sga #stargate atlantis #sga #sga fic #john sheppard #rodney mckay #ronon dex #teyla emmagan #hurt!John sheppard #john sheppard whump #teamfic

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curious-menace · 3 years

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Can you do headcanons of any Riddler getting cared for and gentle kisses from reader after getting beat up? He needs some loves.

SO I MAY HAVE SUGGESTED THAT MY ULTIMATE FANTASY IS TO GIVE RIDDLER A HUG WITH BACKRUBS AS HE TELLS ME ABOUT HIS DAY AND I STAND BY THAT WHOLE-HEARTEDLY .

i freaking love this stuff so im going to do all of them mwahahah

post asswoop riddlers getting loves

Arkham riddler

He’s VERY quiet, which knowing him and his inability to stop talking, is bad news.

I paint arkham riddler as a cry baby and i stand by that. this is the hill i will die on. He’ll have dragged his sorry ass into your apartment or house , dripping blood on your floors but he wont bother calling for you. he’ll just sit at the table with his head in his hands having a lil pity party until you find him.

when you do finally get home, he’ll be looking like a kicked puppy. he’s gotten stuck in his own head, mentally beating himself up even more. he got a fright when you came in because he was so caught up he didn't even hear you at the door.

He’s literally sits there like a child with his arms up for you to come scoop him up. he’s not even sure why his first thought after getting beat up was to come here, he’s probably lead the cops here or something and that was so stupid and- you should probably give him a lil soft smooch on the head to stop him before he goes into a spiral.

he needs more emotional and mental care than physical. Talk to him while you're patching him up. any topic, it doesn't matter just keep him focused on your voice and not the one in his head calling him dumb.

he wont admit he wants to be held and coddled after something like this. get your softest blankie and 2 mugs of coco with marshmallows and just ramble at him. tell him about your day or ask him to explain something boring and complicated so he’s focusing on that rather than how upset he is. let him sit on your lap or between your legs on the sofa and watch how its made or mythbusters or something until he falls asleep. he should be ok again in the morning, he doesnt stay down for long.

Blacklight Riddler

He’s used to getting his ass kicked, either by batman, the other rogues or once he’s a PI, by unhappy clients and the people he put away. He might be tiny but he’s pretty tough.

even if he’s really hurting, his probably trying to crack jokes and tell blood and bruise related riddles. He doesn't like to see you worry so even if he’s in a lot of pain or a bit upset about things, he’s trying to make you smile.

he likes kisses on his bruises. even if he just banged his hand on the table he’ll come to you because he wants you to kiss it better.

He’s a decent fighter, unlike a lot of riddlers who couldnt fight their way out of a paper bag. He can throw punches but he lacks in defence and with his bad knee, dodging can be a little hard. even if he wins the fight he’s still likely to need you to patch him up.

He likes kids plasters. like hello kitty and spongebob. no im not joking, he ALWAYS wanted them when he was little and his parents always said no. now he’s an adult he’s going to use them whenever he damn well pleases.

if it was a particularly bad one, he’ll be ok in the moment even if he has to go to hospital. But he’s going to drop the facade at some point and let you see how upset he is. winding up in hospital after being beat was a common occurrence in childhood. even after doing it time and time again as an adult it doesn't make it any easier on him. he’ll want to stay in your bed, be close to you for few days until either he starts to heal or something snaps him out of his funk.

BTAS Riddler

he really prefers other people to do the fighting for him. well physically anyway. he can handle his own arguments...most of the time. He’s going to need you to nurse a bruised ego more than anything. he probably got dunked on my batman or crane and now he’s huffing.

i don't know if this counts as care and kisses but he clearly needs you around to keep his sorry ass alive. he hurt his side in a fight once and said he wasn't hurt. believable... until he started to act a little confused, a little dizzy. needless to say it worried you enough to take him to emergency care.

He was obviously in agony by now but he was still fighting with you the entire drive there, insulting you and insisting he was fine. its a good job you took him when he did, turns out he’d ruptured his spleen and would probably be dead if you weren’t around to act like his common sense.

he still hasnt apologised for that. or any of the other times you insisted on medical care to stop him from pushing up daisies. he just pretends like you know he’s grateful so he doenst have to admit he’s bullheaded, stubborn and worst of all, wrong.

if he has been seriously hurt, he acts more indignant about it than anything. he wants to be waited on and pampered while resting in bed. he can be a genuine pain to deal with, talking about how lucky you are to see him in such a vulnerable state and how you should be grateful he’s letting you do this for him.

He doesn't want to admit how much he actually needs you. his goons wont put up with him when he’s like this and he’s freaking paying them to do it. you do it for free and no matter how annoying he is you havent left him yet. he doesn't tell you but youve noticed he starts getting you more gifts about a week after he’s recovered. like its taken him a day or two to work out he should probably thank you for all you do.

Original Riddler

this riddler is just weird. like he gets a freaking hang nail and he pretends like he’s dying. but he could nearly lose a limb and he’ll say “tis but a scratch” and still try to hobble about like nothing is wrong.

actually he’s more like olaf “oh look i've been impaled.”. he probably tries to laugh off life threatening injuries like its nothing, taking maybe 3 steps before he collapses on his face in a blood puddle and lets out a tiny “help”

good luck moving his tall lanky ass around. better get a gurney and maybe those vets at the zoo who deal with giraffes. seriously if you want to take care of him you are going to need help or some sort of action plan and a go bag because with his limp butt this will not be easy.

he’s kinda like BTAS riddler in that he needs you to tell him the injury is serious. hes not dumb he just has a high pain threshold and genuinely doesn't realise that injuries are as bad as they are.

he can be a bit of a baby while being patched up. he doesn't like a lot of blood or gore, it makes him feel a little sicky. better give him your phone to play with like a kid at the doctors or put the tv on for him to watch while you bandage him. word of warning, he will pass out or throw up if you try to give him stitches.

i think you should focus your love and attention on him AFTER medical care. just focus on the job, be silent and as fast as possible to get it over with quickly. you should probably bring him something sweet too. no not just you, although you are sweet for looking after him. give him something sugary because he’s going to be light headed after seeing any blood. maybe you could give him a lolly for being a good patient.

Telltale riddler

this riddler is essentially a metahuman. he can REALLY take a beating and bounce back fairly quickly. just look how many times batman punched him in the face and it barely stunned him! he doesnt usually need patched up after a fight. maybe just a lil smooch and some hugs

he did really need your help after the whole pact thing. having his friends abandon him hurt like hell, more than any physical injury ever could.

after that, he clings to you. almost obsessively so; we know he’s got some serious mental illnesses but he usually has the worst of it under control, even without meds. now? it seems like he’s experiencing ptsd and is afraid to go anywhere without you, like you might up and disappear if you arent in his line of sight at all times.

i think this riddler might need the most intense care from you. hugs and gentle reassurance wont be enough. you’re going to be responsible for taking him to therapy, keeping him taking his meds and grounding him to reality. this is the kind of responsibility you took on when you got involved with him but i doubt you realised how hard it would be. i cant promise it will all be worth it but i can promise he wont ever forget your kindness.

the kind of care he needs after such a hard knocking down is just stability. im not one for romance or any mushy gushy stuff but please just pour your love into the cracks in this poor mans soul.

its hard going, but he has his moments. his gallows sense of humor is still there and hey, after him being in and out and gone for so long, it might be nice to have him around more.

Zero year riddler

INSUFFERABLE LITTLE SHIT THIS ONE. he could LITERALLY be bleeding out in your arms and he’d STILL be backseat driving on your medical skills. the temptation to just leave him there to bleed is INCREDIBLE.

he’ll drop the act eventually. he’ll ask and maybe even beg for your help. man has no shame and all the self preservation instincts of a lemming. dont get me wrong, he can be a total coward some times, only looking out for himself . but when he’s actually hurt ? not a fuckin clue. does this head wound need an ice pack or heat pack? is this spurring blood wound worthy of medical care? no idea. he was a very sheltered child who never got so much as a bruise so he has no idea what to do when he’s hurt.

he gets the everloving shit kicked out of him on a clockwork basis. like you could hear knocking on your door at 3 am and already be at the table with a first aid kit like oh its tuesday riddler must have broken his nose.

he takes entirely too much joy in making you patch him up. youre starting to wonder if he’s doing it on purpose just to see you in your little apron and latex gloves . he’s getting off on this and you know it but god help you, you just cant resist his dumb face asking for your help and would you also wear this pink nurses outfit while youre at it?

one time he lost a LOT of blood. he would be fine but he was pretty damn loopy from lightheadedness. while you were trying to get him into bed to rest he started flirting with you. can you believe the audacity? he’s lost 3 pints of blood and he’s still more focus on his libido?

he’s actually going to be both humble and grateful for your help when he finally comes round. dont get me wrong, he’s still a bit of a prick but at least he says thank you for saving him before he demands you kiss all his booboos and ouchies.

nonnie i am having a stroke. i was trying SO hard to just pick one but i COULDNT because i am WEAK for hurt and comfort.

theres a reason i have a tag that literally says “i have naughty hands and no self control”

someone needs to stage an intervention

got something you wana talk about? send me an ask or a dm! im always game to talk about our favorite curious menace 💚💜

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ncssian · 3 years

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A Favor: Part Four

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: hey y'all. my new job has been draining the life out of me so i have very little energy left for writing, which is why these updates are taking so long. im still very passionate about this fic though, it just takes me more time to write :(

in other news, this chapter is saturated with descriptions of pain, both physical and emotional. i hated writing it but it was worth it.

***

Nesta, 14

Sometimes it all becomes too much. Feyre asking for help with homework and Elain begging for more money to go to the strip mall, and their dad ignoring them all as if they aren’t even there. Sometimes she wants to leave it all behind and pretend she isn’t anchored to three other people, wants to pretend she is a lone being in a lonely world.

When she needs to go away, she comes here.

Cherrywood House is quiet, as it always is this time of year. One of several expensive vacation homes in the Smokies, Cherrywood is Nesta’s favorite for a multitude of reasons— it’s empty for ten out of twelve months of the year, it’s the only house with a clear view of the nearby lake, and cherry blossoms bloom on trees out in the back every spring.

It’s early June, and she has a few more weeks left with the house until its owners return. The family that owns the place never leaves a trace of themselves behind when they leave each August, so Nesta returns the favor by never leaving hints of her inhabitance either.

She takes her worn Converse and socks off at the back porch and climbs in through the unlocked window barefoot. This is where she belongs. A ghost roaming the empty halls, with no one to care for and no one to care for her.

She makes her way upstairs to her preferred hideout spot: an airy bedroom with a bay window seat that looks out onto the cherry blossom trees outside. Cracking the window open to let the fragrance of flowers in, she settles into the bench seat with her book of the week and starts reading.

Absorbed in dreams of deep love and deeper kisses, Nesta doesn't notice the sun going down until she can barely make out the words on the page before her. Glancing up with sore eyes, she realizes she needs to leave soon if she doesn't want to take the wooded path back home in the dark.

“Damn,” she sighs, but she gets up and shuts the window firmly.

She keeps her nose in her book all the way down the hall and down the stairs, and doesn't sense anything off until a large shadow flashes in the corner of her eye. Her head whips up, and the face that greets her looks just as surprised as she is.

Nesta freezes.

“Um,” the guy says. He’s maybe a few years older than her, seventeen or eighteen, and tall with shaggy dark hair. The front door of the house is still cracked open behind him. “What the fuck?”

Nesta unfreezes. And then she runs.

All the way through the main hall and to the back door, while the boy’s shouts chase her through the house. “Hey, wait up!”

They weren't supposed to be here this early—

Her hand wraps around the back door handle and she flings it open, shoving through the second screen door and shooting right down the porch steps. Heavy steps behind her ignite a panic in her, and she gains a burst of speed.

“HEY!” he calls again. Soft grass becomes dirt and twigs beneath Nesta's feet, and she knows she's reached the tree line. Dark shadows fall over her as she darts into the safety of the woods.

Still standing on the back porch and waving a raggedy pair of Converse, Cassian tries calling for the girl one more time. “You forgot your shoes!”

Cassian wakes up at five in the morning to the sound of the house’s pipes creaking, a telltale sign that someone is using one of the faucets. Blinking his eyes open, he hears the distant sound of the shower running.

Who would get up in the freezing cold at this hour just to take a shower? He checks the time once more to make sure he isn't imagining things, and gets up to peek his head out of his bedroom. Sure enough, light leaks out from under the bathroom door.

Cassian walks up to the bathroom and listens closely for any sound beside running water. He knocks hesitantly. “Nesta?”

Her muffled voice calls back to him, but he can't make out a thing.

“Are you alright?” he asks. “How long have you been in there?”

There’s no response, and now he’s concerned. Raising his voice, he says, “I’m going to come in to hear you better, is that okay?”

A soft affirmative answers him, and he tries the doorknob. It’s already unlocked, which is odd, but he pokes his head into the steam-filled bathroom cautiously. “Nesta?”

From behind the curtain of the shower, a pale, tired face appears. She’s sitting on the floor of the tub, he realizes. “Hey,” she attempts a feeble smile at him.

Cassian fully enters the bathroom, the humidity dampening his skin. “Are you okay? When did you get up?”

“I’ve only been in here for an hour, maybe.” Her voice is weak enough that he has to move closer to hear her. “Don’t worry about your water bill. I’ll pay it, I swear.”

He shakes his head, confounded. “I don’t care about the water bill. You still haven’t told me if you’re okay.” He moves to crouch beside the bathtub, the opaque shower curtain the only barrier between them.

Nesta rolls her eyes, looking embarrassed. “It’s just cramps. I get really sick on my periods, and I would have warned you that they suck ass, but that would imply that my period could affect you. It doesn’t have to affect you— if you just leave me to myself for a few days, I won’t even be a bother.”

Cassian blinks, not really knowing where to start with that, so he just says, “But why the shower?”

Nesta shifts uncomfortably behind the curtain. “Sometimes hot water is the only thing that helps with the pain. I already tried getting out of the shower, but it hurt so bad— I had to go right back in. I’ll get out eventually, don’t worry.”

Cassian frowns. This all sounds incredibly worrying. “This is normal for you?”

She’s about to answer when her face pinches in a look of discomfort. “Cassian,” she says, strained.

He leans closer, wanting to help. “Yeah?”

“Get out.” She doesn't look like she has the energy to add anything else.

Cassian wants to defy Nesta and stay right there, but that would require arguing with her, and she clearly is no longer in the mood to hold up a conversation.

Reluctantly, he nods. “I’ll be right down the hall. Yell if you need anything.”

Nesta is already sinking lower into the tub, trying to get more fully under the burning hot spray. Her eyes drift closed and she hums in answer.

Cassian doesn't return to his room like he said he would, but heads downstairs instead. He spends a good ten minutes reading the drug labels of various painkillers from the medicine cabinet before carefully arranging a nonlethal cocktail of them on a tray. He adds a cold glass of water and various handpicked snacks before returning upstairs to set the tray by Nesta’s bedside, and turns the heat all the way up to combat the chill in her room, just in case.

Then he goes back to his room and waits. He tries to listen closely for the sound of the shower stopping, but he’s not used to being up this early on a Saturday, and his bed is so warm…

He falls asleep waiting.

***

Nesta stumbles out of the shower long after Cassian leaves her and downs a handful of pills without thinking too much about who left them for her. She already has an idea of how the next few days will go, and she just hopes Cassian will allow her the dignity to suffer through it alone.

She crawls into bed exhausted and shuts her eyes tight. The next time she opens them, sunlight is streaming weakly through the windows. Jarring pain lances through her abdomen, and she brings her legs all the way up to her chest and whimpers. From the edge of her consciousness, she notices the snack tray has been replaced with lunch— some leftover lasagna from the night before. Sneaking out her hand from her mountain of blankets, she goes for her phone. A text sent nearly an hour ago waits for her.

Cassian: please eat.

Nesta glares at the lasagna because she knows better. She might have spent this morning eyeing the bathroom tiles to determine if they were clean enough for her to curl up there and die, but she's not at a point to abandon her dignity just yet. The last thing her roiling nausea needs is solid food. Instead, she gathers the focus to text back Cassian: Leave me alone today.

It's only after she sends the message that she realizes it sounds harsh, but she can't bring herself to explain further or to soften her tone. Her pain always has a way of stripping her of any defenses and formalities and leaving only a primal creature behind.

Turning her phone off, she closes her eyes and inhales tightly through her nose. A wave of cramps that feels closer to what a brutal stabbing victim would feel like overtakes her, and— no, she has to get up.

During times like these, the bathroom is Nesta’s favorite place in the whole world. Cool tiles to rest her head on, hot water just a foot away, and a spacious tub if she ever feels like passing out. Heaven. Naturally, she escapes there first.

After maybe another hour of restless writhing and moving about, Nesta decides the suffering isn't worth it and hobbles downstairs in search of some Nyquil to knock her out. She’s got the medicine cabinet halfway open when a broad hand slams it back shut, and she turns to find Cassian standing behind her with a stern look. “You haven’t eaten anything all day. You can’t take meds on an empty stomach.”

Nesta wants to cry at the denial of pain relief, but she grips the counter behind her and manages a glare instead. “You can’t tell me what to do.”

“I will absolutely tell you not to wreck your liver, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

A desperate whine escapes her, and she can’t believe Cassian has to see her like this. Even worse, she sees sympathy soften his face as his hand slips off the cabinet next to her head. “I made soup,” he offers. “Can you have soup?”

Nesta hesitates. Her insides don’t hate the idea of soup. She nods.

***

Nesta insisted on avoiding Cassian for the rest of the day, and Cassian graciously eased off her back once he knew she’d eaten. He kindly pretended he didn’t hear her running back and forth from the bathroom all day because she couldn’t sit still, and only interrupted her once to make sure she took more Tylenol before bed.

Now, long after night has fallen, Nesta is truly alone. Her medicine either hasn’t kicked in yet or isn’t strong enough to do its job tonight. She can barely think straight, and this is when the most primal part of herself comes out.

Despite her age, despite everything, she still cries. She cries as if anyone would bother listening, physical pain intertwining with the pain and humiliation of being ignored. “Papa,” she calls into her pillow, again and again.

She hasn’t trusted her papa in years, and yet she still expects him to rescue her. She still waits for him to show up and make everything better.

A hot tear leaks from her eye, and the catharsis of it distracts from her cramps. She curls up into a ball and cries harder, as if she can weep out everything that’s wrong with her body.

A soft knock interrupts her helpless whimpers, and Nesta hears the door open a moment later. “Nesta? Were you calling for me?”

Somebody came. No one’s ever come for her before.

A sigh of relief escapes her, and she forgets to put her walls up. “I’m just—” she tries to say, “so tired.”

She hears Cassian come farther into the room and curse. “Fuck, it’s an icebox in here.”

A hand nudges at her mound of comforters, giving Nesta’s shoulder a shake. “You should’ve told me the heater wasn’t working. Are you okay?”

That question sets her on edge. “Do I look okay?” her voice cracks. She wants to cry even harder now that he’s here, for some reason.

“Obviously not,” he mutters. “You’re staying in my room tonight. Get up.”

Nesta groans and burrows further into her freezing cocoon of sheets. “Don’twannamove.”

“It’s either that or I’m carrying you. I’m good either way.”

Nesta finally cracks her eyes open, glad that Cassian is only a tear-blurred figure in the dark. She doesn’t want to read whatever is on his face right now. Gathering her heavy comforter around herself, she gets up and lets Cassian lead her down the hall to his room.

Toasty warmth hits her as soon as she’s inside, and she makes an exhausted sound and drops the comforter. In a blur, she’s tucked into Cassian’s bed, enveloped by his scent and his lingering body heat on the sheets. Under the dim lamplight, Cassian seems to finally take notice of the tear tracks on her face. Clicking his tongue in sympathy and concern, he rubs his thumb over the sensitive skin under Nesta’s eyes. Her whole body shudders under the gentle touch. Who knew just the pad of his finger could combat this inescapable agony?

“This isn’t normal,” he murmurs. “I’m taking you to a doctor as soon as this storm clears.”

If Nesta was in the right state of mind, she’d tell him absolutely not. However, she’s barely comprehending his words as it is, so she watches him click the lamp off in silence. Darkness fills the room, but she can hear him moving.

“I’ll be right back,” his voice rumbles, and then she’s alone again. More tears leak at the feeling of abandonment. She’s so sick of herself.

After what feels like an eternity but is only a few minutes, she hears Cassian return. The mattress dips behind her as he climbs under the blankets with her, and then Nesta feels something hot and dry being pressed to her side. A towel. “Does this help?” he murmurs, his voice surprisingly close to her ear.

Wordlessly, Nesta reaches down and takes his hand holding the hot towel, dragging it beneath the hem of her sweater so the heat burns against her bare skin. She sighs and allows her tensed body to sag, leaning back into the hard cradle of Cassian’s chest and arms.

In her ear, Cassian’s breathing has gone shallow. His hand slips from her side, only to find her back and start rubbing up and down.

Her eyes flutter shut.

“My mother was a Muslim immigrant from Algeria,” Cassian whispers out of nowhere. “And whenever I felt sick as a little kid, I would crawl into her lap and she would rub my back just like this, and say some prayers and blow on my face, and I would feel better.”

Nesta makes a weak sound of acknowledgment. That sounds nice, nicer than anything she ever knew growing up.

“I’m sorry I don’t know any prayers,” Cassian says. Then, Nesta feels a whoosh of breath tickle the side of her face. “Does that help?”

It feels weirdly good, and Nesta's shoulders start shaking. She doesn't know if she's holding in a laugh or a sob. Cassian’s hand stills on her back. “Nesta?”

A sharp wave of pain sets her straight. After she breathes through it, she tells him, ��You don't need to pray. Just… keep talking to me.”

His hand resumes drawing circles on her back. “Alright.” And he whispers stories into her ear for the rest of the night, until she's fallen asleep and long afterward.

The next morning, Nesta is feeling much better. Cassian knows this because she’s sitting in the living room when he comes downstairs, straight-backed instead of hunched over in pain, and she’s regained the energy to glare at him.

Cassian’s relief at seeing Nesta okay hesitates at that glare. He slows on the bottom step. “How’re you feeling, sweetheart?”

“Don't call me that.”

He blinks, not sure what he did wrong. Before he can ask, Nesta says, “You didn't listen to me.”

“Excuse me?” He strolls deeper into the living area.

“I told you to leave me alone while I'm on my period, and you didn't listen. You dragged me to your room and made me spend the night with you.”

“You were crying for help,” Cassian says in disbelief. “What was I supposed to do? Ignore you?”

“Yes.” She looks even angrier. “It’s humiliating for me to have you see me like that. It's humiliating to have my own family see me like that.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way, but you’re—” He almost says overreacting, but some deep instinct tells him that word won’t fly well with Nesta. “You’re wrong,” he decides. “Whatever you think I’m thinking of you after last night, you’re wrong.” Cassian has no problem going into caretaker mode for Nesta; it's his natural state of being most of the time anyway. Besides, last night was… a new experience for him. For a multitude of reasons. “You can't tell me you go through that every month and have never had anybody take care of you.”

“I haven't, and for good reason,” Nesta seethes. “You had no right to see me like that.”

Cassian leans on the arm of a chair and crosses his arms, considering her. “Have you ever seen a doctor about your period?”

“That’s none of your business,” she snaps. Here is the Nesta that Feyre is always talking about: quick to anger and always on the defense, to the point that she comes off as unreasonable. Nothing like the helpless woman in tears from just the night before.

It brings out a rougher side of Cassian, one that wants to nip and bite at her boundaries instead of letting her be comfortable all the time. “That’s no way to talk to someone who stayed up all night to wait on you hand and foot, you know.”

“Don’t you dare hold that against me.” Nesta’s voice is dangerously cold.

“I’m not holding it against you. I’m taking you to a doctor.”

“No.”

“I already made an appointment.”

“Cancel it.” Her voice is brittle and she’s now trembling with restrained rage. Cassian doesn’t know if it’s because he’s refusing to give her a choice or if she just really doesn’t like doctors. Either way, it doesn’t change how Nesta ran out of bed at four this morning to puke her soup up. If it wasn’t for all this snow, he would have dragged her ass to the ER by now.

“I don’t have health insurance,” Nesta admits when she sees that Cassian won’t back down. “And I’ve made it this far without any cause for concern; there’s no reason to go.”

“Then I’ll pay for it,” he says simply. Her lack of care for her health astounds and angers Cassian at the same time. How is it that nobody, not even her family, has looked at this woman before and said You’re not okay, do you need help? How many times has she cried in pain with no one to listen?

Nesta has now stood up and is turning red in the face. “Absolutely not. Stop it.”

“Stop what?” Cassian smirks and straightens up.

“I’m not going to the doctor,” she barks. “Cancel the appointment.”

“No.”

“DO IT!”

In that moment, Cassian sees it. He sees how beneath the adult manner and adult words, the carefully crafted facade of cool, there is an explosive, tantrum-prone child. And he’s about to reveal her for good.

“It’s this Wednesday. I hope you don't mind skipping class.”

An enraged shriek shatters the air in the room, and before Cassian can even be shocked Nesta is verbally pouncing on him, yelling, “How fucking dare you, you complete shithead—”

“Nesta.”

“You have no right to— You’re so useless, this is why I didn't want to stay with you, this is why I never talked to you—”

“Nest—”

“You egomaniacal manipulative bastard— just because you let me stay in your house doesn’t mean you can tell me what to do—”

“Damn it Nesta, can you just shut up and LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE!”

Nesta freezes and blinks, taken aback. Cassian immediately snaps his mouth shut, wondering if he’s finally crossed that line he’s been so cautiously toeing this whole time.

He watches her face closely, looking for signs of upset— or worse, fear. She only says, “Fine.”

He’s confused. “Fine, what?”

“Fine, I’ll go to the doctor’s.” Just like that, her fight is gone and the facade is back in place. She sets her jaw, but a hint of surprise and newfound discovery lingers in her eyes. “But I’m not letting you pay for it. It’ll have to come out of my own pocket.” She doesn't look happy about that part.

Cassian wants to argue her, but he knows how to pick and choose his battles. For now, he’s just baffled that he demanded Nesta to do something, and she listened.

He raised his voice at her. God, he yelled at her in anger and she only blinked in response, and now she’s listening to him. What kind of sick alien shit is this?

***

a/n: i love talking about these characters so if you ever get sick of waiting for part 5 just shoot me an ask and ill gladly discuss nessian with you

tagging: @ladywitchling @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @sensitiveillyrian @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx

#a favor #nesta archeron #cassian #nessian #ncssianwrites #nessian fic #nessian au

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miekasa · 3 years

Note

the pre-pancetta snippet: early december, 3 months before the world went to shit

💉levi gets sick [levi grumbles in the background]

it was the pre-pandemic flu season. levi caught it at work and just his luck, it was pretty bad for him. but healthcare is expensive, capitalism sucks, so he wore a mask and still went to work the next day, thinking bedrest during the weekend would be enough. erwin kindly dropped off some sports drinks while hange gave him a new bag of black tea leaves. oc comes home to find him almost asleep at the table while waiting for water to boil for his tea and her senses tingle. she just knows. levi is pretty out of it by then, very pissed, feeling like shit, but still thinking about the slack he has to pick up at work. oc is very concerned because he looks awful. she bugs him and asks him if he’s okay with her checking him up. he is about to tell her to piss off but what the hell, lucky his roomie’s a doctor and he’ll take free healthcare when he can. so he nods once in dramatic brooding levi fashion.

her hands are cool on his forehead and neck, it feels so good, and levi is really trying not to accidentally moan out loud. when she brings out her stethoscope and asks him to take deep breaths, his focus is on her hand absentmindedly rubbing his shoulder [levi thoughts: he’s really out of it if this is all he can focus on]. oc’s brow furrows when she finds out he’s had only one cup of tea for the entire day and only one meal the day before. he says he’s brewing more, but oc is not having it! she heats up some leftover soup she has and makes him eat before handing him a tylenol. levi feels unsteady and weak but he’s trying to keep up the i’m-fine-it’s-just-the-flu facade. oc sees right through it and tails him to his room.

she helps him to bed, all while saying he’ll need meds for the virus and he needs to eat and drink more fluids because he’ll need an IV drip if not. even if it’s just the flu, he got a pretty bad case. levi strips off his shirt before he drops onto his pillows, grumpy and dismissive, telling her to just leave the prescription. he can handle it. oc snorts before leaving him alone (for now)

levi wakes up to rustling sounds and finds oc by his bedside setting up some stuff. his head is pounding, entire body is aching, and his cough is killing his throat. he’s very grumpy and is about to tell oc to just let him be but he gets a coughing fit. oc rubs his back while checking his vitals, her voice soft with worry as she asks him how he is feeling. he says he went to the bathroom but that’s it. he doesn’t see oc frown, but he’s more than annoyed that he is disturbed when she digs him out of the blankets. she helps him sit up, propping him on his pillows, and she makes him eat more soup, drink some tea, and take his meds. his throat is cooling and he realizes belatedly that she made him strong mint tea. he’s just swallowing whatever so he can go back to sleep [levi is trying very hard not to vocalize his disappointment whenever her hands leave him]. oc sighs at the little care her patient has for himself, but she tells him that he needs a drip at this point. she’s not satisfied with how little he’s been eating and drinking. levi is ready to throw hands because he refuses to spend thousands of dollars for 2 hours at the emergency room and get scammed by health insurance just so they can give him IV fluids, but oc surprises him by saying she’s all set up, and if he’s okay with it, she can do it here.

he shrugs and holds out his hand. the skin of her hands are a little rough with a few calluses, her touch so light and sure. the needle pinches but the pain dulls after a few seconds. he watches oc taping up the line and securing his hand to some makeshift splint so it doesn’t move around much. oc hangs up the bottle on the hanger she installed on the wall lamp by his bed before heading out. levi tries to fall back into sleep again. suddenly, he feels a damp cool cloth brush his forehead and his face while another hand runs through his hair gently. he’s groggy and he squirms because what. he hears oc shushing him, saying something about sponge baths for fever, and he’s just so not used to tenderness and care, and she’s sponging down his neck and his chest, running over his arms, turning him on his side gently so she doesn’t jostle him into wakefulness. her hands are firm and gentle as they wipe down his back and it’s cool and soothing and so good over his heated skin. he falls asleep in minutes. this never happens.

he thinks oc drops in once more in the middle of the night because he remembers someone holding him up to take something. when he wakes up the next morning, his fever is gone and he feels like himself again. he sees an empty bottle on his bedside table which means oc must have changed his drip too. the one he’s hooked to is almost gone. he’s in the middle of answering a work email on his phone when oc, already dressed for work, pops in to check on him. she has a tray in hand, looking genuinely relieved and happy that he’s better. his knows his appetite is back because the smell immediately makes his mouth water. he is very hungry after 3 days of soup and tea. she made really good pancakes, fried bacon to a perfect crisp, and the scrambled eggs are savory and creamy. it’s killing him. he can forgive the tea bag from a packet. levi is still a tea snob. oc is cheery, chirping that he’s good to go without a drip as long as he keeps up his food and fluids.

oc: water, tea, or pocari sweat, levi! none of the sugary sports drinks erwin left you, that stuff is a scam.

levi: i don’t have pocari—

oc: i bought you some, they’re in the drinks cupboard!

levi: why—

oc: it’s not just sugar, it has the electrolytes you need!!

she unhooks the IV and takes out his line, lays out his medication regimen and tells him to please call her if he starts feeling bad again. levi rolls his eyes and bats her concern away, grumbling that he’s fine and well enough, but he’s listening to every word she says. he utters a small thank you because how on earth does he convey his immense gratitude in words, he is not used to words!!! his cheeks feel very warm. oc giggles and ruffles his hair. she understands her roomie’s not talkative, but his soft gaze betrays everything beneath his gruff exterior. his shyness is adorable even if he was a grumpy old man while sick. oc thinks that her theory of him being 89 years old deep inside might be right after all. she sternly tells him to rest and lay off strenuous activities until he’s really recovered.

oc: rest. no cleaning today.

levi: my room—

oc: no. cleaning. today.

and just like that, she’s off to work [levi thoughts: wtf she works on sundays?]. all that levi can think of for three days, or more like since that day, are her gentle, comforting touches, her kind smiles, and how pretty she is. he tries, he really tries to push back the thoughts and bury the memories, but all efforts become in vain for him the next week.

he’s reading on the couch and relaxing for the night when oc comes out of her room looking like a fucking goddess. she’s in a deep green dress of flowing silk with thigh-high slit, sporting a dark, vibrant red lip, complaining of some recognition ceremony she has to attend for one of her bosses at work. she pouts while slipping on pumps that make her legs look even more stunning. levi is aware that he is staring and has tuned out her voice, so he forces himself out of it. he remembers basic conversation etiquette and lamely asks about the party. oc says it’s a black-tie-long-gown thing that’s a waste of her time. she twists her hair up in a messy bun and puts on earrings, grumbling that this is the most formal she’ll go. levi is mildly amused when she says she’ll nick a bottle of good champagne and some desserts before she escapes the party in an hour. tops.

levi: what if you get caught?

oc: they can spare one bottle and a few cupcakes

levi: and what reason have you come up with if they start interrogating you?

oc: my roommate is sad and a stress-eat is essential after shitty weeks of being underpaid laborers *cheeky smile*

he rolls his eyes. when she steps out their door (her uber’s there), levi counts to ten before groaning very loudly to let his frustrations out.

but she really did steal and bring home the good stuff, squealing in excitement when she sees that he was still up. he actually waited for her to get home but she doesn’t need to know that. they shared fruit tarts and fancy mini-cakes and worked through the bottle of champagne while bonding over their mutual disdain for assholes at work. conversation was open and easy, and levi cannot remember when he has been this comfortable around others who weren’t old friends of his. he was in an old shirt and jogger shorts. oc was still in her dress, barefoot, lipstick still perfect and bun still messy, picking a strawberry off the last cake while laughing at his dry jab about her boss. and jesus christ, she was exquisite.

at this point, denial begins to trickle in, but levi doesn’t know that yet. it’s just the champagne, right?

end. this was so mf long, i’m so sorry 😭 anyway this is insanely self-indulgent, and this is me coping with the pandemic (and with SnK ending today)

AHHHHHHH I LOVE ALL OF THIS ANON!!! SO MUCH!!!! PLEASE THIS HIT ALL THE MARKS!! Levi being reluctant to having someone take care of him, oc picking up on him not feeling well even though he’s not really showing it, and eventually just giving him the care and attention he needs (without suffocating him because you know he would be grumpy about that). I love this wow, seriously.

AND THE END!! When they’re drinking together and he’s feeling better, you know damn well he didn’t even want her to leave in the first place, and IM SO GLAD HE’S FINALLY REALIZING!! Levi, my beloved, you are in love it is not the champagne 😌😌

#💉 anon #you're so lovely my dear thank you so much for sharing #i kept this for a while just to reread it i love it so much!!#levi.ask #minicanons

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zmayadw · 3 years

Text

Hello again :)

Heres a second part of my fanfic, as i said in previous post that i will add one or two. I know the begining might be a bit long and boring, but i decided my other two favorite Duskwood characters deserve some love ,too. :)

Thanks to all who took their time to read it!

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 2

Next thing I remember was waking up in a hospital. The bright light from the window made me squint my eyes, and my head throbbed as hell. „Arghh, too bright.“ I mumbled, as a cheerfull voice next to me responded „Well finaly, I was begining to worry you would never wake up! You know, you're taking those beautysleep advices too seriously.“ My eyes ajusted to the light, and I was looking at that cheerful, loving face, the face I knew oh so well. „Hmm, considering all, an extra hour or so of beautysleep is so allowed for me.“ I said, my voice hoarse a bit. She snorted „Make that 'an extra day or so'! You slept for almost three days!“ she said, walkig towards my bed and hugging me carefully. It felt good, just knowing she was there. She pulled away from me, her face serious. “What wer you thinking?“ „ I'm sorry Jessy, so, so sorry.“ I said, tears swelling behind my eyes. „ I know what I did was stupid, but belive me, I really tought I was doing the right thing.“ „The 'right thing' almost got you killed Maya!“ she yelled at me, wich made me realize just how much she was worried about me. I burried my face in my hands, tears falling down „Please Jessy, dont be mad at me, I feel awfull as it is already. I realize my actions wer wrong, but I cant undo any of it now. And God knows im more then happy to be alive, and Hannah too! And I know my „sorry“ might not be enough this time, but I reall am sorry Jessy, you cant imagine how much. But please, please, you have to forgive me, I couldnt stand if I loose you!“ I couldnt force myself to look at her, I was so scared she would just get up and leave. And who could blame her, really, after all I did, she would have every right to do so. Suddenly, my hands wer slowely being moved from my face, and i opened my eyes to see hers holding mine. I lifted my head, and our eyes met. Hers wer now also full of tears. She hugged me so fiercly, and even if everything still hurted me like hell, I was so reliefed and hugged her back tightly as I could. „Ofcourse I forgive you, Maya. I was so damn worried and scared that I will loose you!“ I was releifed to hear her say it, I hugged her even tighter, saying through my tears „I'm sorry Jessy.“ She held me like that for a while, and then pulled slowly back. „I'm glad you're ok Maya.“ She said, smile coming back to that pretty face. „Look at us! Bawling here like little kids.“ That made me chuckle, and i said whiping my tears „Huh, I never tought our fist time meeting would be with me in the hospital. But, hey, im not picky, i'm just glad I finaly had a chance to hug you.“ „I dont think anyone imagined this to be the place of your first meeting us. You do realize others will want to come and see you? Dan already wanted to come with me, he was mumbling something about how he owes you a whiskey. But i gave him such a stern look, he just kissed me goodby and said to say 'hi' from him and ran away from me.“ The tought of Dan being scared of Jessy made me laugh so hard, i got a little dizzy from the pain. Jessy noticed me vincing, quickly saying „But that can wait, you need to rest more first. It's not like you're going anywhere anytime soon!“ She looked at me all serious, and i understood why Dan acted like he did. „Dont worry, Jessy, I wont try to break out of hospital.“ I said with a grin on my face. „A bit of r'n'r is definatly what I need now.“ „Good! And since i'm clearly your favorite person from our little clique, you wont get rid of me that easy while in here.“ She said cheerfully. „Thanks, Jessy. I mean it, Im really glad you're here with me.“ „Me too, Maya, me too.“ She stayed with me that whole afternoon, and I was happy about it. We talked about everything we could think of: how we gonna take that walk arround Duskwood together, having coffee at the Rainbow caffee, going to Aurora for drinks. Jessy was so full of life, and managed to stay so positive through all of this mess. She told me that police gave her my stuff and my phone, and will bring me what i need. It wasnt so important, but i could really use my phone. It was like Jessy could read my mind, and she looked at me with simpathy „Did Jake contacted you?“ There was a knot in my stomack when she asked, because I knew I wasnt out in the clear with what I did with everyone just jet. „I dont know, Jessy, I guess i'll find out when I get my phone. But im sure Lily told him all about it by now, and to be honest, it's the one conversation i'm scared of having at the moment.“ „I'm sure it will be fine.“ „I really hope so, Jessy. I really care so much for him. I dont know for sure what he feels, and it doesnt really matter, I just cant stand the tought of him being mad at me. Or not talking to me anymore...I got so used of having him arround, even just virtualy..i dont know Jessy, i cant explain it... i just need him in my life. Does this make any sense to you?“ She looked at me, with care and a hint of worry showing on her face „Yes Maya, it makes perfect sense.“ We talked for a while more. She looked at the clok on the wall and jumped „Oh, yay I gotta go, forgot Im meeting Dan! He made me promise to meet later, since I didnt let him come with me here.“ „Heh, better go then, I dont want Dan blaming me AGAIN for getting stud up by you. Or he might not buy me that whiskey he promised, an to be honest I could really use it now.“ I sad smiling at her. „Ohh no, you two are gonna be a pain in the butt when you meet, arent you?“ she groaned, but a smile was written all over her face. „Dont worry, i'll behave..as much as possible. As for Dan, im sure if you join us and give him some of your 'scarry' looks, he'll behave too.“ She bursted out laughing. „Oh, cant wait for it! I'll go grab your phone real quick, and then im off.“ She ran for the door, stoped, turned arround giving me one more of her beautiful smiles „I'm really glad you're ok Maya.“ I smiled back,“ Me too Jessy, me too.“ She came back with my phone, plugged it to charge next to my bed hugging me quickly before leaving.

It was almost dark outside, and the room was so quiet since Jessy left. There wasnt much comotion in the hospital, and I appriciated it actualy, some peace after all the mess was a nice change. I stared at the window for a while, just enjoyeing the sceene of the sun setting down, the sky taking that purpleish-blue color. I was actually delaying the moment of turning my phone on, because I was scared. A the same time I hoped Jake would contact me, but then I was also scared of talking to him. Its been three days since the incident, and im sure Jake found out everything by now, so maybe he vented some of the anger off in the mean time. Ah, c'mon Maya, dont be a sissy! – i tought to myself – You stared death in the face, and showed it the middle finger, and you're scared of that thing? I took a deep breath, took my phone from the stand, and turned it on. It felt like forever for it to turn when i punched my code, and when it finaly did, i left it aside. The beeping of new messages, missed calls, new emails and all was the only sound spreading through the room. And with every beep my stomach reacted a bit, thinking if any of those beeps belongs to Jakes. I got so lost in my toughts, that a voice snaped me back, startling me a bit. A nurse smiled „Sorry hun, i didnt want to fright you. Just came to chek up on you, ask if you need anyhting and to give you some pain meds.“ She winked at me „It's the good stuff, will help you sleep better.“ „Thank you, mam, im good.“ I smiled back at her, and quickly glanced at my phone - 44 missed calls, 24 messages, 17 emails. That will be some time killing stuff. The nurse was done, she waved at me wishing me good night, saying to feel free calling her if I needed anything. I thanked her again as she left the room. I took my phone, my hand shakeing. I checked 'missed calls' first, and tho i didnt expect it, was a bit dissapointed Jake wasnt among one of them. I opened the messages, and Jessy's message was on top. „Sending you hugs&kisses!“ it was written under the picture of her and Dan, grining with their glasses raised. It made me smile, and i texted her back „Hehe, Dan must be happy you actualy came this time! xD Have fun you two, cant wait to join you. Hugs&kisses“ I checked other messages, and my hearth squeezed a bit when i saw he didnt texted either. I didnt feel like replaying to any at the moment, settling the phone back on the stand. I switched off the light above the bed, turned on the side, staring at now complete darkness throught the window. One tear rolled down my cheek as i closed my eyes, hoping sleep will come soon.

#duskwood #duskwood mc #duskwood jessy #fanfic

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be-the-spark-flyboy · 4 years

Text

Migraine

Call It What You Want (6/?)

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Med student!Poe x Reader

A/N: OH MAI GAWD we’re finally getting somewhere with the plot can you believe???I apologize for the slowest of slowburns ever also I rlly am sorry for hurting Poe like this but im not done yet oops

Chapter Summary: Bby isn’t feeling so good :(

Warnings: swearing, fluff (finally), then angst immediately after oops

Word count: 1.7k

Poe walks into the living room as Finn and Rey watch him drag his feet, dropping face-first onto the couch.

“Did you do it?” Rey asks. Poe nods his head, his face still pressed into the cushion.

“Do what?” Finn asks.

“You didn’t tell him?” Rey questions Poe.

“Nope,” he says, voice muffled.

“Tell me what?” Finn asks again, getting confused.

“How did it go?” Rey completely ignores her boyfriend, too invested in the news Poe was about to divulge.

“Excuse me! How did what go? What did y’all do?” Finn was getting worked up at how they were ignoring him.

Poe props himself up on his elbows. “Didn’t make a scene because, guess what? She’s already seeing someone,”

“What the hell, man!” Rey exclaims, further confusing Finn. He was so close to shaking one of them by the shoulders demanding answers.

Poe continues unfazed by Finn glaring daggers at the two of them. “Didn’t even have the decency to end it with me first,”

“Did you break up with Sarah?” Finn exclaims, finally catching on. Poe nods. “Oh finally,” When two sets of eyes fix on him, glaring, he clears his throat and says, “I mean, oh shit, how are you feeling?”

“Like shit,” Poe whines, dropping his head back onto the cushion. A part of him had hoped he would feel better after breaking up with Sarah, but it only left him feeling more down than anything. He should’ve just listened to Finn and ended it before it got so out of hand. Well, at least he has one less thing to worry about now.

—-

Poe groans when hears a soft knock from his bedroom door. He thought Rey and Finn had already left for the dental appointment. But then, when did they ever knock before barging into his room?

Poe had assured Rey that he’d be fine when she asked before leaving, but the migraine was really kicking his ass. He couldn’t even stand without feeling like he was going to fall over or throw up, he tried to sleep but the pain didn’t let him. So he there he was, sprawled across the bed on his stomach buried under the covers.

“The door’s open,” he grumbles and the door opens. He lifts his head from the mattress, watching you walk in. Suddenly, Poe becomes very aware of how his unruly curls stick out in every direction and how he looks like he hasn’t slept in days because he hasn’t. He blinks, wondering if he was hallucinating all of a sudden.

“Hey, Poe,” you greet him watching him squint back at you, blinking blearily. The curtains are wide open, sunlight shining straight into his eyes. You walk over to the window and draw them close.

“Thanks,” he gives you a shy smile, finally snapping out of the daze. “What are doing here?”

“Oh, Rey called. She said you weren’t feeling so well and that she and Finn won’t be around for a little while. So I volunteered to babysit,” You smile at him.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Poe replies, not even acting like he was offended that you called it babysitting, too busy trying to suppress the giddy smile growing on his face. You care about him.

“No offence Poe, but you really don’t look like you’re doing great,” You did have a point.

Poe dramatically flops back onto the mattress, groaning. “I feel horrible,”

He hears you chuckle at his antics, striding closer to him. You kneel by the bed and he adjusts his head to get a better look at you. “Did you eat anything yet?”

“Nope, I feel nauseous,” He presses his face back into the sheets.

“Can I get you something? Maybe soup? It’s a little more light,” You suggest.

“Okay,“ the smile fully stretched across his face. The migraine didn’t seem to bad all of a sudden.

---

You’re back at the dining table, the same spot you took the first time you stayed over at the apartment. Laptop open before you, skimming through the lecture contents.

You couldn’t help but feel bad for Poe when Rey had called you asking if you could keep an eye on him for her. Rey was bringing Finn along to her dental appointment, way too scared to go on her own. It wasn’t like Poe couldn’t take care of himself, but she felt bad leaving him alone anyways.

You had a lecture at that time but fortunately one of your classmates were willing to share notes so you thought it wouldn’t be too bad if you missed just one lecture. You didn’t tell any of trio, knowing how they’d hate to be the reason you miss out on your class.

Poe was asleep in his room upstairs. The soup you gave seemed to be doing fine with his stomach, thankfully. Rey had called to tell you that they were taking more time than expected at the clinic. You had no problems with staying a little longer.

You hear the door swing open upstairs and Poe emerges in the kitchen a few moments later. “Feeling better?” you ask him.

“Yep, much better, thanks to you.” Thankfully, he turns away as he fills a cup with water because you definitely don’t want him to see how your face briefly warms up at the compliment.

Poe joins you at the table, and you can’t help but think of the previous time you were in that position. You weren’t unaware that spending more time with him was only going to make things worse for you. If you had any sense of self-preservation you would’ve made yourself scarce around him. You did try after new years eve. It still escaped you how Poe managed to befriend you so quickly while you took forever with anyone else. You just felt drawn to him.

Poe quietly sips on his water, unaware of your inner turmoil as you blankly stared at the screen. You know you’re only going to fall harder and end up hurting yourself. You really should try harder to distance yourself from him.

---

“I used to have a massive crush on Finn back in middle school,” Poe confesses. You and Poe lay under the throw blanket on the couch, reruns of some old show playing on the TV, but neither of you are watching it. Poe suggested a game, 21 questions, claiming he was bored and it was the only thing that could entertain him. So much for distancing yourself.

The questions started out innocent, plain boring, like what’s your favourite colour? then quickly escalating to at what age did you loose your virginity? Before you know, your laughing with him on the couch clutching you half-empty mug, Poe’s empty on laying in the coffee table.

“What?” The way your eyes widen comically draws a laugh from Poe. “Does Finn know?”

“I’m pretty sure everyone knew, I wasn’t exactly subtle. Its embarrassing,” That triggers more laughter from you. “In my defense, everyone had a crush on Finn at one point,” Poe watches you laugh at his expense, smiling brighter, feeling lighter than he had for months. He would recount every single one of his embarrassing childhood memories if it got you laughing like that. He’s in so much trouble. “Okay, your turn,”

An embarrassing childhood memory. You have a plethora of those. You sip your coffee pondering, which one to share? Placing your mug on the coffee table, you lean back into the couch and Poe rests his head on your shoulder. The silence stretches as you remain like that for a few more serene moments, game forgotten, only the sounds of the characters on screen punctuating the otherwise peaceful night.

You turn when you hear Poe whisper your name, your eyes lock on his and you can’t seem to look away. He holds your gaze as he looks up at you, making you feel so exposed with those big brown eyes you never knew could be so piercing. He looks like he’s about to say something, then decides against it.

Instead, he tilts his head up, brushing his lips against yours, breath fanning your cheeks as he ventures further when you don’t pull away. His hands cradle your jaw, touch light like feather on your skin. Your eyelids flutter as his thumb caresses your cheekbone.

You’re kissing him before you mind catches up with your actions. His tongue brushes over your bottom lips then against your own, wet and warm, tasting sweet like the coffee he had, black, with three sugars.

An arm winds around your waist, pulling you into his chest and you follow blindly. The warmth emanating from his chest and feeling of his heart thundering beneath your palms. You could loose yourself in it. In him.

Almost just as soon as you had him, you’re ripped away from him when the sound of a key turning in the front door lock jolts the two of you apart. “We’re home!” Rey sings as she and Finn walk through the door.

Oh fuck. What did you just do?

You scramble up from the couch, quickly making up a shoddy excuse before throwing yourself out the front door, your belongings haphazardly gathered up in your arms, leaving all three of your friends stunned in your wake.

---

“Damn, Poe. What did you do?” Finn asks closing the door after you.

The way you were kissing him one moment and then suddenly disappearing the next almost gave Poe whiplash. “Huh? Why do you think I did something?” Both Finn and Rey gave him a look full of disbelief. “We might have kissed,” he utters the last word like a whisper. “And she just ran out like that,” he says flailing his arms in the direction you disappeared in. Did he go too far? You wouldn’t have kissed him back if you didn’t want to, right? Fuck, what did he do wrong?

“Did you tell her you broke up with Sarah?” Rey asks him. Always hitting the nail right on the head.

“Oh, oh no,” he didn’t, it never came up and he didn’t even think of it.

“You fucked up, son,” Finn interjects, grimacing like he was feeling second hand embarrassment from the whole situation.

“You didn’t tell her by any chance?” Poe asks, turning to Rey.

“Why would I tell her? Do you think we got nothing better to do than sit around gossiping about friends?”

“I’m an idiot,” Poe says, more to himself to anyone else.

“The migraine sure messed with your mind,” Finn chuckles.

---

The Dameron Taglist (open):

@writefightandflightclub @arkofblake @yougottakeeponkeepinon @multifandomlife22 @skymerons @smol-peter-parker @rae-rae-patcha @demigod-dragonrider-schoolidol @spider-starry @hkmultifandom @cloud-leader @elmoakepoke @staringmoony @valhallavalkyrie9 @the-cry-of-youth @liadamerondjarin @m1rkw00dpr1ncess @takemepedropascal

#poe dameron au #poe x reader #poe dameron #poe fluff #poe fanfiction #sw fanfic #sw au

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mother-snake · 3 years

Note

Why? Beacuse I'm bored out of my mind. Thats why.

-----

Janus was done.

He was done with all the hurtful comments about his appearance. He was done with people moving away from him when he stepped close. He was done with the abuse from the darks. The abuse from the lights. The ignorance that followed him every time he opened his mouth to even voice his opinion on a movie.

He was done.

Maybe thats why he was packing his bags, he wished for death at one point in time, but that was a long time ago. Now he just wants to leave and live his life. Janus walked over to the nightstand by his bed. He picked up the photos that sat there and looked at them.

Purple, Green and Yellow.

He simply put them back and latched his suitcase shut. On the bed he placed five letters. Each colour coded for the side and each saying that he was done.

Janus wasn't upset. People get dealt bad hands in life, he was one of them. Not a big deal! Right?

RIght.

Janus walked out of his room and for the first time in years, he didn't lock it. He burned the hundreds of journals he wrote over the years. He left his full outfit and was wearing a yellow button-up with black slacks. He left the photos. The memories. The med kits. The years worth of spilled blood...

He only had one more place to go first. To drop off a letter of 'fuck off and leave me alone' to the light sides. The commons smelled like fresh vanilla and smoked fire wood. The lights were off and the sides themselves were passed out as the DvD screen played over and over again

Placing the suit case down with a click, he walked over and placed the envelope on coffee table. He turned back around to pick up his suit case when-

"Why the fuck are you here?"

Turning around to see Virgil standing behind him, Janus let out a cheshire grin. "Dropping off my letter of resignation, why else?"

Virgil stood taller, "I don't know why else! You're probably put poison in that le-- wait... Resignation?" He seemed to think for a second. "You can't resign! Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell are you planning Deceit? Are you gonna duck out like I did? Why would we ever come save you?!"

Janus waited a few more minutes of Virgil yelling at him before he turned back around to grab his bag. Only to be pulled backward and slammed into a wall.

"What are you planning?" Virgil gripped his shirt harder as he slammed Janus against the wall repeatedly. When the room stopped spinning he looked up to see the other four woke up too. Fan-fucking-tasic.

Before Janus could even say a thing he was thrown to the floor and his ribs were kicked. He swears he heard them crack.

That. Is. It.

His eyes flashed a dangerous yellow and he felt his teeth grow sharp. "Stop fucking hitting me, Virgil.... NOW" the kicking stopped and Janus stood up. Standing tall despite the burning feeling surrounding his ribcage.

"You wanna know what I want? I want you assholes to leave me the fuck alone!" he wiped a small stream if blood away from his mouth. "I am tired of being the punching bag! I'm so fucking tired of never being able to relax! I'm tired of valuing starvation vs food poisoning! I'm done with being the convenient villian for you to pin all of the blame on while you continuously beat and bully a side who is barely 22 years old." He wiped more blood away, Virgil must've broken something. "I am tired of hiding in places to attempt to not be found by the other dark sides! I'm tired of the looks of distrust as if I was the one who made your life difficult! I'm tired of not being able to fall asleep because I live in fear that I won't make it till morning! I am really fucking tired of being locked in the fucking freezer--"

"What about all of our good memories together?"

Janus stopped and blinked. Staring at Remus who was looking at him like he had lost his damn mind.

"Those memories only show me that my only friends that I had now hate me."

"Janus-"

"No! You don't get to use my name! Not after you left me to die in the dark Remus! Not after you promised me that you would bring me too!" Tears were slowly leaking down his face. "You want to keep the memories? Well you can have them."

Janus summoned the photos from his room and ripped open the frames. Each time he grabbed a photo he tore himself out of it. Each time shouting about how the memory was now free of a dirty rotten liar in yellow. All while Remus was screaming for him to stop.

Dozens of photos layed on the floor. Half of them had a Purple side and a Green side. While the other half of the torn pieces was a Yellow side with a snake eye.

The others were flabbergasted while Janus just rubbed away the blood stream once again.

Janus coughed and covered it with his hand. Pulling the yellow glove away he looked down and saw large pools of blood staining the yellow fabric.

Janus let out a soft cuckle as he tore off the gloves. "Congratulations!" Looking into all of their eyes, but focusing on Virgils, "I am done. I am so so fucking done!!"

Janus breathed in a pained gulp of air. "Don't come looking for me." He picked up the suitcase, stepping over the shattered glass. "If any of you even cared for me at all, you would never come look for me." he started for the door.

"Janus wait!"

"Janus we are so so sorry!"

"please come back!"

"JanJan!! We need you! Please! Wait!"

"Janus! Please just wait a second!" someone grabbed his wrist

"LET GO OF ME!" Tearing his wrist frim Romans grasp. "YOU NEVER CARED BEFORE! YOU DON'T GET TO CARE NOW! YOU ASSHOLES DON'T GET TO PICK AND CHOOSE WHEN SOMEONE IS IMPORTANT!" and with those final words.... Janus walked right outside the door and was never seen again.

The other sides never realized how empty the house was before then. But Janus was right.

You don't get to pick and choose when someone is important.

-------

Hmm yeah angst

Did I shatter your heart again? Or do I have to try harder Jessie?

❤💛❤

aadjkfuigi- w h y w o u l d y o u h u r t m e t h i s w a y

im definately going to say that if my motheer wasnt in the room then i would most likly be in tears. cause yes. this is an angsty boi. (11/10for this one potatoo)

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ktrivia · 4 years

Photo

All Men Dream

Bucky x Reader

Summary:

Reader is enhanced with the powers to enter dreams. She originally entered Captain America's dreams just to see if she could, but kept returning to them because she loved spending time in the 1940s ease of life in his idyllic versions of the time. But what happens when the good Captain figures out something is amiss?

Author’s Notes:

When I originally wrote this chapter I had just had dental surgery and I guess the meds I was on (which probably helped with writing this) made me think I posted it. No joke, I just spent a half hour searching through tumblr and almost messaged @searchingforbucky to find my own damn fic. Turns out I just never posted it to begin with (insert shrugging emoji here)

I’m currently in the process of writing the next chapter and I greatly appreciate everyone’s patience during my long absence from this story!

If you would like to be tagged in this story (I’m so excited that people actually want to read this) please send me a message!

Also let me know what you think of this chapter! I always love getting comments, questions, and theories!

Chapter 5

Bucky’s POV

I tried opening my eyes, but it felt like someone had poured cement over them. They were heavy and it took every little bit of focus to get them cracked open. As light filtered in and shapes began to form, I began to hear snippets of the voices around me.

“Clint! Clint! Wake-“

“Med bay!”

“Blood coming from-“

Turning my head slowly, I tried to see what the commotion was about. Why was I so tired? I saw Clint laying on a medical bed next to me with Natasha essentially on top of him as she shook his face violently. Had we gone on a mission and he’s been injured? Lifting my heavy head, I looked down at my body, inspecting it for wounds, but there was nothing out of the ordinary.

As I looked past my feet, I saw her. Y/N was slumped over in her chair. Electrodes were still attached to her forehead and chest, but she seemed almost lifeless. Adrenaline shot through me as my eyes opened completely and the memories of her in my dreams appeared again.

Scrambling off the bed was as ungraceful as it could be with the sedatives still burning from my system, but I stood up and started making my way to her as fast as I possibly could. I was stopped by a large body blocking me.

“Buck! What did she do to you?” Steve questioned firmly while taking in my sedated state.

“She didn’t. It’s those damn drugs Banner gave me to knock me out,” I explained without taking my eyes off of Y/N. Now that I was closer, I could see blood running out of her ears and nose.

“Steve, we have to help her,” I said as I pushed around him. Steve grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

“Clint’s not awake Bucky. We don’t know if she did something to him and it backfired and that’s why she’s bleeding.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” I yelled. “He’s just sedated. She needs help. She purposely did this to herself so Clint and I would get out of there safely.” I wrenched my arm free and ran to her, dropping to my knees in front of the chair. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Banner running to grab the hospital bed I had been lying on.

I placed my hands on each side of her face, tilting her head up to face me. With each thumb I gently pulled open her eyelids to check for pupillary response. When light hit them, her pupils both contracted which meant her brain had hopefully not suffered too much damage from what had happened, if any. Steve spoke as I manually checked her pulse, not trusting the low reading on the electrodes were showing.

“What happened in there?”

“She looked uncomfortable the minute she brought Clint into there,” I explained clinically while still checking her vitals. “She was still sarcastic and seemed outwardly upbeat, but she started getting really pale and I could see her wincing like something was hurting her. By the end, she looked like she was going to keel over and that’s exactly what happened. But instead of waking up and helping herself, she made sure Clint got out. I don’t know how she did it, but she made sure He and I were safe before breaking the connection. She saved our asses, Steve.”

By the time I finished explaining, Bruce had arrived with the rolling hospital bed. Carefully, and without removing any of the attached electrodes, I picked her up and placed her on the bed. Tony unlocked the breaks on the machines reading her vital signs and brain activity so he could roll them alongside her as they rapidly moved towards the rooms exit.

Steve, Wanda and I followed the two men and they began asking questions and trying to get explanations.

“Wanda, was there anything malicious happening in her head?” Steve asked.

“No,” Wanda replied with a shake of her head. “She showed them a field and an ice cream shop from one of your dreams. She was just trying to explain everything as best she could but there was a lot of pain there. It felt like she was being ripped in two. Her consciousness was almost splitting in half while trying to keep hold of Bucky and Clint’s minds.”

Wanda’s answer explained why Y/N had seemed like something was hurting her. An edge of guilt started to fill me as I realized I had made her do this task she’d never tried before.

“Bucky and Clint’s vitals were perfect until the very end of it except for that one little spike Bucky had in the middle,” Bruce explained when they reached the elevator that would take them to the med bay.

“You see a stripper from the 40s while you were there, Manchurian Candidate?” Tony asked, sarcastic even while they were rushing someone to emergency care.

“She brought us to an ice cream shop Steve and I went to all the time. It must have spiked my heart rate,” I answered absent mindedly as I watched the floor numbers tick down.

When the door opened, doctors were waiting and ready for us. They grabbed the gurney and rushed Y/N into an exam room. I tried to follow, but Steve’s arm blocked me.

“We need to finish debriefing and the doctors need space to work,” he commanded, but I could see there was a bit of guilt in his eyes too. I watched through the glass and the doctors begin doing diagnostic exams as Y/N just laid there, unmoving.

Wanda and Steve were still going over what Wanda had found in her mind while Tony scrolled through a tablet someone had brought him.

“I went deeper into her mind while I was in there and I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. She lives a very normal life and unless she has some higher power to hide memories, there is nothing nefarious about her.” Steve nodded at Wanda’s explanation and was about to respond before Tony interjected.

“I had Friday run a background check on her and she’s literally so normal she could be an extra in a movie. Both parents still alive, one brother, a cat at home in her Brooklyn apartment. She works, well worked, for a marketing agency. Her boss fired her for not coming in yesterday so he seems like a genuine asshole. Her work is actually pretty good. Seems like she does the design work and marketing plans on her own. Oh, and she creates slogans and jingles too-“

Tony!” Steve interjected as Tony began rambling about Y/N’s job. “Are there any red flags at all?”

“No. Not a single one. Her file is completely clean. Not so clean that it’s suspicious, but clean enough where her worst offense is a parking ticket.”

The room fell quiet as everyone considered the information they learned within the last ten minutes. Not only did Y/N not work for one of our enemies like Hydra, but she lived a normal life with a normal family and probably normal friends. We had swooped in and interrupted that to the point of her being fired and who knows what else. Steve spoke first.

“Sam went and searched her apartment. There was nothing suspicious there, but he did grab the cat and bring it back here. Even if there was something going on with Y/N, there was no reason for the cat to starve.”

We all nodded, remaining quiet again. Each of us alone with our own thoughts.

“So, what we’ve all just established here is that we abducted, somewhat tortured, and potentially seriously harmed an innocent woman.” Tony said.

“Yes,” Steve whispered with a small nod.

“Then what do we do now?” Tony questioned.

Tag list (Please message me if you would like to be added to it):

@paradisiacalsparks @cals-cigarette @searchingforbucky @mavelfanatic @some-person-somewhere @marvel-th @unfortunately-im-awake @jessicakimba @fandom-addict-aesthetics @simplysaying @spnsquirrel @bxrnsfeyson @magnolialikes @buckyinantarctica @fluffymadamina @willowtree42095 @horsesandwolvesaremyanimals @pieofawkwardness @mirajanestrauss987 @nerdypisces160 @in-avengers-we-trust @lilo-1398

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familiaanteomnia · 3 years

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warning: mental illness, dysphoria-body image mentions, ED type mentions, shark week ish, bottom growth/related stuff n.sfwish? depending on how you take it- also packers,etc mention (naturally it varies by verse,etc but i’m mostly sharing pretty consistent information- also dont be stupid about any of this like i stg) -his puberty got kind of messed up like he so badly despised it, plus his mental health issues and all that basically by sheer force of messed up will/chemical backfires,etc it had an reaction like how stress affects those things as in... in regards to shark week was so inconsistent, so very much to the point he has these meds he’s supposed to take that basically kick his body the rest of the way into doing the process/is supposed to make it quick, done way sooner with less pain due to effectiveness even (he obviously forgets genuinely/fights against the whole situation leading to major cramps and issues even if he isnt bleeding) will go like 3 months of risking major health damage over it. (going on t makes this all worst because doctors like ‘okay now you really need to cause now you’re having more issues’ and he just- doesn’t) -really knows way too much medical shit in general, naturally he’s very much an ‘why does life work like this why are people so ashamed of normal stuff’ etc but also dude will balk at stuff like ‘ugh im on my period’ xav just grimacing inwardly all like why must i be reminded that’s an thing.. ha ha not me lemme repress shit as such dude will carry extras,etc but is very much trying to be an punk dudebro about it/even if is basically screaming internally about it all, trying to never think about that stuff -k.t tape binds most the time, if not just doesn’t bother cause of his body shape/type and mood+ outfit+ plans for the day. however he does own an binder, sports bras work and are more often the case. as such most the dysphoria hits in different ways, elsewhere (but with his general puberty complications/fast metabolism,etc he also just forgets he’s trans an lot like he gets hit in the crotch and falls over in pain then 10 seconds later like ha ha wait what the hell i’m not even packing) -dude is pretty slender,etc from his fast metabolism, shit eating habits (because he can eat like 5 whole pizzas and not get slightly full or bloated but also he frequently lives off like candy, energy drinks,etc vices...) though it also can vary to kinda athletic and he doesn’t seem like mega unhealthy at least lol in that department plus with what he wears,etc usually unnoticeable (he is super easy to pick up especially if unconscious even that add of dead weight is pretty light but like not easy to tackle) -totally pumps his bottom growth not even entirely in that ahem sesual way but in an genuinely helps with pain/helps with dysphoria (not that his growth is bad at all but also, it kinda helps with that too) like i mean obviously splurged too so he can just like pull some pants on, play video games or whatever as it does its thing -likewise doesn’t skimp on things like packers, has an major collection/gets lower dysphoria? dude will drop like 1000 dollars on more options even if has plenty that are high grade, expensive not even sesually though of course many purposes and he’s only an person like anybody else/plus that t juice fueling an already high libido,etc but anyways yes he sometimes prefers to be like lol glow in the dark d.ick is my packer even though i have an 3 in 1 that cost so much money and is multifunctional (also he 100% for fun, aesthetic, and boredom sometimes pierces them) -general body image issues/disconnect problems due to his mental illness more than dysphoria, being trans surprisingly more stuff like ‘oh right this is what my body is? you mean to tell me for the last 48 hours was watching myself in 3rd person but didn’t notice- oops.’ but also damn is he pretty much like i know i’m aesthetically pleasing, hot and i will flaunt it even if not quite full of myself -likewise mirrors? he makes faces at himself, flips himself off and has totally shattered an large amount of them because he started thinking too much about if his freckles are visible,etc same with reflections though isnt always super mega serious can just be to make himself giggle/habitual

#headcanons #♥ drabbles 》 xavior carver #(i just did an warning at the top cause to tag would be lengthy af)#(anyways feels good to put this all out into something lol)#(i swore i posted this but then my brain died aaaa)#(trans content hours tonight)#(i might ramble about my trans nathan take)#(in another after replies)

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thecaffeinatedweird · 4 years

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The Ugly Anxiety

A submission by a friend..

Anxiety comes in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes it's sitting in a meeting, having just finished your coffee, holding onto your empty disposable cup waiting for someone else to stand up to throw theirs away first because you're too nervous to be the first one out of your seat. Other times it's waking up on a Sunday morning with every intention to go have lunch with your family out of town and stopping in to see your best friend on your way home but halfway home, the drive is too much and you want to call your friend and ask to reschedule because you're so anxious to just get home, to just feel the ground beneath your feet in a familiar place. But you can't pull your phone out because your baby is in the backseat and what if the second you take your hand off the steering wheel you cause an accident killing you both. So you get home and intend on calling her so that she's not just waiting around for you and worrying that maybe you're not ok. But you're afraid if you tell her you're not coming she'll be mad and you can't handle anyone being mad at you, so instead you turn your phone off for an entire day and cry knowing you failed again, hoping she is understanding, again for the millionth time. Sometimes it can come when you're at your calmest state, this creeping feeling that somethings not right but you can't quite put your finger on it, you check in with your closest friends and family and everyone is safe, everything is fine but the anxiety grows stronger and the more you try to calm yourself the more intense it gets. Anxiety is all of the what ifs that would never happen in a lifetime, all at once. It's constantly thinking you're not good enough, that no one wants to be around you anymore because you're flaky. You slowly stop being invited out for lunch with your friends and it grows so much you're not even considered a candidate for jobs. It's working jobs for a couple weeks and then no call no showing because someone gave you constructive criticism one time and you feel like everyone there hates you and are trying to make you quit, until they eventually stop calling and take you off the schedule and you're unemployed again knowing damn well the bills are behind. It's not making appointments for necessary reasons because when you dial the number you instantly forget why you called and hang up instead because the anxiety in your head tells you whoever you're trying to call is going to think you're an idiot if you stumble on a single word. These are all things that have happened to me just in the last week, because I can't calm my mind. I don't let my kids play outside unless another adult is present because too many things could go wrong. And there is never another adult around because no one makes plans with me anymore because im too flaky. Loving someone with anxiety is more than just loving them, you can't look at their anxious behavior as a charming quirk. Because it's not glamorous. Its not desirable, it's hard work loving someone with anxiety. So to those who love me despite my mental illness, I admire you. Because I don't love myself, and I'm the one with the anxiety. I hate myself for not being able to be there in times I should be. I've skipped weddings, the births of my favorite little people because hospitals aren't safe, wedding parties aren't safe. Safe is in my home with the curtains drawn, doors locked and phone calls screened because I wouldn't dare answer an unknown number without first googling the number or waiting to see if they'll leave a message. Anxiety, as I've said, comes in all shapes and sizes. You may have all of the above, a mixture of them, and even more I haven't stated. Whatever it is to you, you're not alone. I Should practice what I preach but I won't, because my anxiety convinces me that I'm not worthy, that I am completely alone, that no one could ever possibly imagine what it's like to be me. I get chronic migraines because I stress out so intensely that it causes physical pain, and i don't want anyone in the world to ever feel like this. I am working on me, it's not going to be an overnight fix. It might not happen for me for years but the point is I'm trying. I'm trying for me, my kids and the ones I love. I hope you're trying too, I hope you find even the smallest amount of hope and light to guide you away from the dark times. Its 2020, and the world is a shit show, but there are resources available now that are easier than ever to utilize. And i hope if you got anything from reading this, its that you are so much more amazing and so loved and valued than you could ever realize. Take advantage of those resources, whatever that looks like to you. Go to therapy, take your meds, call a friend, open the curtains a little and drink some water. Promise me you will try one small thing to better yourself today so that tomorrow may be brighter.

#thecaffeinatedweird #anxiety #mental illness #it gets better

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banditthewriter · 5 years

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Whatever It Takes - 10 - Billy Russo

Part 10! I uh, I’m still sorry?

Tags are at the bottom. Let me know if you would like to be added to one of my tag lists! Enjoy!

*****

The clean smell of the hospital and the bright lights in the waiting room made you feel worse somehow. You and Karen had gotten there almost an hour ago but they weren't allowing you back. And since you weren't next of kin, you weren't given any information.

As if that wasn't bad enough, Frank’s phone was dead so Karen couldn't get in touch with him. He was supposedly still in the hospital, but even after numerous pages, he wasn't anywhere to be found.

You wanted you scream. You'd started to contemplate bribing a nurse but you doubted that'd get you anywhere.

“I'm going to go page him again,” she said but as soon as she stood up, the elevator doors opened and Frank stepped out.

She ran to him in a blur. He caught her around the waist, the force of her colliding with him almost slamming both of them into the elevator doors. He carried her a few feet away, his hands in her hair and whispering in her ear.

She hadn't seen him. He'd called to tell her what happened, but this was the first time she'd seen him. Both of them were so wrapped up in each other that you doubted they knew you were still sitting there.

Frank noticed you from the corner of his eye. He half carried Karen back over to you and sat down beside you.

You barely got to take a breathe before he pulled you into a hug.

“Thanks for keeping her sane,” he whispered before he pulled back. “I heard your pages but I didn't want to leave while Bill was in surgery. I told a nurse to let you guys know what was going on but I guess they didn't.”

Karen opened her mouth, probably to complain about the nurses, but you beat her to the punch.

“What surgery is he having?”

Frank nodded a bit, his hand never releasing Karen's as he leaned back into the fairly uncomfortable chair like it was a feather top mattress.

“Internal bleeding to start with. Plus he got a face full of glass and cement so they are trying to fix that too. Told me that his best bet will be a plastic surgeon and they don't keep one on hand.”

You winced at that. Not that his looks mattered to you, but you knew that he was a little vain. Maybe more than a little vain, but it wasn't like he didn't have good reason.

“How bad is it?”

Frank motioned to his own face with his free hand.

“Left side is basica–”

“Not his face, the internal bleeding.”

Frank seemed surprised. He gave a slow nod before he started to explain. The logistics weren't your forte but what you could tell was that the internal bleeding was minimal.

In hearing how Billy had gotten blown backwards by the force of the second floor collapsing, you were reminded that this all started because the two of them were mixed in with something bad.

“What the hell did you two get involved in?”

Frank looked around in a panic before he stood up and motioned for you both to follow him. You thought he'd say something in the elevator, but he was quiet until you got two floors up and into a vacant lobby.

“This shit touches everything,” he said as he leaned against the wall, his eyes moving around to check for anyone that might overhear. “Bill and I were deployed. It was a goddamn mess over there, we did things that we couldn't stomach. We were blunt instruments and we were good at it, but the things we did? There's consequences to that.”

He told you about the CIA contact and how he was using them as a hit squad. He kept the story as vague as possible for the two of you, but he painted a vivid picture. Apparently the CIA guy came back to the states with the intention of making Billy and Frank do it all over again. Since Billy had used the money he earned over there to start Anvil, Agent Orange thought it was owed.

“We weren't going to go through that again so we came up with a plan. I tailed the guy, did recon. Billy put together the other side of the plan by involving Homeland.”

Madani. You felt something sour start to spread in your stomach as you began to make the connections.

“We had this guy right where we wanted him. Fucker must have had someone in Homeland because he knew we were setting him up. He showed up at Anvil two days before we were due to bring him down.”

Two days before they would be free of it and the plan was literally blown to smithereens.

“What about Agent Orange?”

Frank shook his head and then banged his hand against the wall.

“We had ‘im! I went outside to take down the last of his crew while Billy had him incapacitated. The damn psycho set off a bomb, almost killing him and Bill.”

You took that to mean that Agent Orange got away. Karen voiced that concern.

“So he got away?”

Frank grimaced.

“I had some of the guys from Anvil check out the rubble before the emergency services got there. Nothing but his guys and the few Bill lost.”

So were they still in danger? You caught the look on Karen's face and knew she was thinking the same thing.

A nurse came through the lobby and froze when she saw the three of you.

“Mr Castle, Mr Russo has been moved to recovery. He's still sedated, but would you like to see him?”

Frank gave you a quick look before he nodded. He squeezed Karen's hand as he passed her and followed the nurse.

Karen moved to sit on one of the couches, her hands clasped together and pressed to her lips. You knew her mind had to be swirling just as fast as yours was at that moment. You sat beside her and crossed your arms over your stomach.

You were glad that Billy was okay but the knowledge that they were both still in danger?

Your stomach felt like it was filled with lead.

------

“Miss Y/L/N? Miss?”

You jerked awake at the sound of your name. A nurse was standing over where you had fallen asleep on one of the couches.

“We were told we were allowed in here,” you said as you blearily glanced over to where Frank and Karen were napping propped up against each other.

“It’s not that,” the nurse said with a kind smile. “Mr Russo has woken up.”

You sat up. Your phone said it was around noon so you’d been at the hospital for about eight hours. If Billy was already awake, that was great news.

“We should wake Frank,” you explained as you started to stand up but the nurse stopped you.

“Actually Mr Russo heard who all was in here for him and he asked that you be the first person that he saw.”

Was it possible to swallow your tongue? You felt like you had. Another glance at Frank and Karen showed them still very much asleep. You gave her a quick nod and stood up.

As she led you to his room, she explained that he had some bandages on his stomach but those would be covered by his gown. She also said that he had bandages on his face.

“Those are obviously more apparent,” she explained as the two of you stopped in front of a closed door. “He might be a bit disoriented right now from the pain meds. He should try to stay as calm as possible as well, okay?”

You nodded your assent before she opened the door to let you in. It closed behind you but you didn’t pay any attention. All of your focus was on the man in the bed in front of you.

There were scratches and bruises on his arms that were very obvious as they rested on top of the sea foam green blanket that was draped over him. Some of them had bandages on them but most of them weren’t covered. You knew there was the bandages on his stomach, but those weren’t visible. And then there was his head.

He wasn’t completely covered in bandages, but it was a near thing. The way they were wrapped, you wondered if they had to shave his hair.

Your focus on the bandages meant that you were able to catch the moment his eyes opened.

“Billy,” you breathed in relief as you moved over to his side, your hands carefully covering his hand that was closest to you. “How are you feeling?”

His free hand moved slowly towards his face, sluggish, but stopped just shy of actually making contact. Then he turned his head a bit so that he could still see you through where the bandages were.

“Surprised when the nurse said you were here.”

You nodded and looked down at where you were gripping his hand. Maybe too tightly. You released it a bit so that you wouldn’t hurt him worse.

“Karen came over an absolute mess and told me what happened. Of course I came.”

His dark brown eyes stood out stark amongst the white bandages. They looked clouded, from pain or from the drugs, but they were intent on your face. You weren’t sure how long he stared at you in silence, but you weren’t about to be the first one to speak.

His free hand curled into a loose fist at his side.

“You shouldn’t be here,” he said as he pulled his hand from your grip.

It surprised you. You released his hand but didn’t move from beside the bed.

“I want to be here,” you tried to explain, voice plaintive as you met his gaze head on. “You were hurt and I want to be here for you.”

He shook his head, more vigorously than he should have.

“You wanted space; I was giving you space,” he said pointedly. He turned to look away from you, his eyes boring a hole in the wall across from the bed. “You should leave.”

“Billy, I–”

He slammed his hand down on the rolling table that was half over his bed, the tray and its contents falling to the floor in a loud crash.

“Goddammit Y/N, just leave!”

You backed away as he stared over at you, his eyes wide and clear. A nurse opened the door and looked around at the mess and then at the two of you.

“Miss, maybe you should…” She gestured at the door, obviously asking you to leave.

Your lip gave a pitiful wobble as you looked away from Billy’s intense gaze. The nurse gestured again and you gave a nod before you moved to the door. Unable to help it, you glanced over your shoulder and saw that Billy was still watching you.

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled, not sure if you meant it for him or the nurse, but you quickly made your way out of the door and then down the hall.

At the lobby you’d been sleeping in, you quietly gathered your things. Another nurse was nearby so you stopped her to ask if she’d be on this hall for a while.

“Rest of my shift so a few more hours,” she said curiously.

You motioned over your shoulder to where Karen and Frank were still asleep.

“Can you tell them that Y/N had to leave? Work,” you offered, an obvious lie but it would have to do. “Just tell them I’ll call them soon?”

The nurse seemed curious, but she didn’t press. She gave you a nod and then reached out to grab your wrist.

“You okay?”

You gave her a tense smile.

“Thanks,” you mumbled before you pulled away and hurried to the elevator. You didn’t want to take the chance that Karen or Frank would wake up before you could get out of there.

It was obvious that Billy didn’t want you there and you weren’t about to overstay your welcome.

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#billy russo #billy russo x reader #billy russo imagine #billy russo fanfic #my writing #whatever it takes

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solarrtae · 5 years

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All I Need is You

Summary: After she gets hurt on a mission, he realizes how much he really loves her

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Language, Angst, Fluff

Word Count: 907

Note: My first piece on this account so thats exciting :) Also @dqhlia sat on the phone with me as I wrote this so thank you to her!

The gash along your stomach screams at you as you limp to the jet. The pain is unbearable, pulsing at an unbelievable rate making you dizzy. Your hands are sticky with blood, blood that’s gushing out of the wound like a waterfall. You mumble a prayer, hoping that you’d make it there before passing out.

One of the strongest, my ass

“Y/N? Y/N?” a voice appeared in your ear, “Y/N, where are you?”

You panted hard, falling onto the ground in a heap. The jet was in view, but if you were to try and make it you were afraid you would pass out and never wake up.

“Y/N,” Tony says, his suit landing on the ground next to you, “Jesus kid, what happened?”

“Don't worry” you murmur as a stream of bright blood slips out the corner of your mouth, “I killed the bastard”

‘FRIDAY, we need EVAC now” Tony commands, “Y/N’s been hurt”

“Tony, what’d you say?” Nat’s voice rings in your ear,

“Did you say Y/N was hurt?” Steve says, “Where are you?”

“By the jet, she’s bleeding out like a waterfall”

That's what I said

Your face drains of all its color, your body starts to tremble, and in Tony’s warm embrace your body goes cold..almost as if you’re dead already.

“FRIDAY, where the fuck is EVAC?” Tony growls, fear glosses over his eyes and a streak of pain is found over his face.

Nat and Steve arrive and stand next to Tony cradling your body. Tony hears Nat gasp next to him and Steve looks horrified.

“Oh my god”

Thor lands in front of them with a blast of lightning, moving towards you.

“I’ll bring her to the tower” Thor says, nobody daring to say anything. They know that with Thor, she’ll be at the tower at lighting fast speed. In an explosion of thunder, Thor leaves with you leaving the rest of the group in shock and worry.

Bucky is sitting on the bed of your shared bedroom when he hears Thor arrive. Assuming that the rest of the group is with him, he gets up ready to greet you. Along with Wanda and Vision, he sat out from this mission. Instead of staying in the living room and watching them cuddle and be all couple-y, he retreated to the bedroom.

What Bucky did not expect to see was Thor running in with your dead-looking body. Doctors and nurses swarming your body as they placed you on a stretcher, rolling your body into Med Ba

Bucky is frozen. He stands still and blinks as if he could somehow erase the scene that just played out in front of him. Quickly, he catches up to Thor and together they both walk to where they’re taking you.

“What happened?” He says as sweat forms onto his forehead, his heart beating at an inhuman pace.

“They got her, right across the stomach” Thor pants out, “She killed them of course, but she lost extremely large amounts of blood.”

“Jesus” Bucky says as runs his hands through his brown locks, he clenches his jaw as he sits down in the chair outside of the room they brought you in.

Doctors and nurses work furiously on your body, commands are being shouted and their is so much noise in the area.

But all Bucky could think about was the sound of your heartbeat, the rhythmic beat of your pulse. That beat was the only thing keeping him sane.

Bucky awoke with his head laying on Steve’s shoulder. He didn’t remember falling asleep nor Steve arriving. He looked into the room where you were and saw you surrounded by machines that were meant to keep you alive. He breathed out in slight relief as he saw that you were alive and no longer bleeding out.

He entered your room quietly, lowering himself into the chair next to your bed.

“Hey doll, I don't know if you can hear me but I gotta say, you scared the living hell out me. Sweetheart, you don’t even know what you do to me. I couldn't imagine where I would be without you in my life.”

He takes a steady breathe before he begins again. If he kept talking, he would most likely ramble for days.

“Y/N, you got me falling hard you, everything you do. I fell in love with every single thing you do, it still bewilders me on how you’re still with me after everything. I actually think that I love you. And im not just saying that because you’re hurt. I just love everything you do, and you’re so beautiful in every damn way. I’m always gonna be here for you and one day I’m gonna put a ring on that finger of yours. Because doll, I’m never letting you go.”

“Oh my god, you’re such a sap” you groaned with a scratchy voice

“Baby?” Bucky perked up, shocked to see two beautiful eyes staring right back at him.

“You’re so lucky I love you too” You said grinning wildly, looking back into his beautiful blue eyes.

You swore his smile was so bright that it lit up the whole entire room, he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to your lips.

“Never scare me like that again, ok doll? He said pressing his forehead on yours

“Ok” you said before he leaned down and kissed you again.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #winter soilder #winter soilder x reader #bucky barns imagine #bucky barnes drabble #bucky barnes fanfiction

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