#is it really about current events if no problems have been solved to begin with?

[7owery]

#the monkees #mickey dolenz #60s music #csp #current events #digital art #gun control #politics #cw politics #united states #is it really about current events if no problems have been solved to begin with? #native rights #human rights #end war #anti war #7oweryart

[writingquestionsanswered]

Trouble Making Stories Work

Anonymous asked: I keep getting stuck on ideas. I can pick out one base idea to work with but can't get further than that. I could get an idea for a external conflict, but no ideas for the characters or stakes. It doesn't matter if I get an idea for a conflict first, a character, a world, or a "what if" scenario, it all just stops after that. Do I just not have enough creativity? I've been wondering if storytelling is for me at all... I have read your Creative Well stuff multiple times. I do have one, but it doesn't always have what I need. And it takes time for things to get added. If I'm working on a story and get stuck, I need ideas as soon as possible. I can't really use my time watching movies and going on walks and hope for some ideas when I need them when I'm finally at my computer trying to write. It's not often I'm able to get myself to do it.

(Ask has been edited for length...)

If you make sure your creative well is full, and stays full, and you still struggle with ideas in the moment, the problem is that you don't have a solid enough understanding of how stories work. The ideas don't go anywhere because you don't know what to do with them. You don't have a solid enough grasp on internal conflict, external conflict, motivation, goals, internal wound, plot points, story structure, character development, and world building to know where to take each idea. It's a little bit like loving cars but trying to design one without knowing anything about car construction.

I really wish I could just say "do this" or "do that" and it would magically solve the problem, but there's no quick solution. You'll have to spend some time learning about your craft before you can bring these ideas into full stories. The more books you read or listen to, the more you'll understand how stories work. You can also read writing books and articles, and watch writing videos.

While you're doing that, you can continue to work on your current stories. Pushing your brain to come up with solutions is actually helpful, and the more you fill your brain with craft knowledge, the easier those solutions will come. Here are some posts that will help in the meantime:

Fleshing Out Plot Ideas Turning a Barrage of Ideas into a Plot How to Turn Ideas into a Story Finding a Story in Characters and Setting Finding a Plot to Go with Characters/Setting Can Come Up with a Back Story but No Plot Want to Write but Can’t Come Up with a Plot Guide: How to Turn Ideas into a Story Guide: Starting a New (Long Fiction) StoryGuide: Filling in the Story Between Known Events Guide: How to Outline a Plot Basic Story Structure Beginning a New Story How to Move a Story Forward Plot Driven vs Character Driven Stories Understanding Goals and Conflict

Happy writing!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[ecoamerica]

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

#ACLA24 #ACLA24HighSchoolStudents #youtube #youtube video #climate leaders #climate solutions #climate action #climate and environment #climate #climate change #climate and health #climate blog #climate justice #climate news #weather and climate #environmental news #environment #environmental awareness #environment and health #environmental #environmental issues #environmental education #environmental justice #environmental protection #environmental health #high school students #high school #youth #youth of america #school

[communistkenobi]

im an undergrad student who was thinking about specializing in studying fascist movements in North America for my masters and ive really enjoyed reading your book commentary - you connect things that I'm not always aware of in ways that are really comprehensive and appreciate

Do you know of any researchers who are moving things on the topic right now (most of the books ive read are around 20+ years old, unfortunately)?

(sorry if any of this is unclear/grammatically incorrect/weirdly worded - I'm super sick rn)

thank you! I'm really glad to hear that :)

For contemporary writing, I'm currently working through some of Alberto Toscano's work - he has a really interesting article from 2021 on fascism from a Black radical/Marxist perspective where he summarizes various historical analyses of fascism from Black (particularly US) thinkers and activists. One thing I especially appreciate is that he complicates Aime Cesaire's formulation of fascism (i.e., "european colonialism come home") as incomplete when applied to settler colonial contexts, especially the United States - one of Cesaire's articulations of fascism is that (to paraphrase) "one fine day, the prisons begin to fill up, the Gestapo gets busy" and so on, and Toscano, working through Angela Davis and George Jackson, responds with (again I'm paraphrasing) "the prisons are already full! The Gestapo is already here!" etc. Toscano also has a new book that just came out in 2023 called Late Fascism, which explicitly addresses the current moment. I only have a physical copy of that so I can't share a pdf unfortunately, and I still need to get around to reading it lol.

These are also a couple random articles I found insightful:

Carnut (2022). Marxist Critical Systematic Review on Neo-Fascism and International Capital: Diffuse Networks, Capitalist Decadence and Culture War - does what it says on the tin

Daggett (2018). Petro-masculinity: Fossil Fuels and Authoritarian Desire - talks about car culture as a site of modern reactionary political movements, links climate denialism with (proto-)fascist movements

Parmigiani (2021). Magic and politics: Conspirituality and COVID-19 - this one does not mention fascism explicitly, but imo the intersection between new age spirituality, anti-vaccine sentiment, and qanon/q-adjacent conspiracies are pretty important to understanding contemporary fascist social movements, so I'd still recommend reading this

Finally, this isn't an article but I found this recorded lecture about the history of Qanon pretty interesting. I don't think the author gives particularly insightful answers on how to solve the problem of far right conspiracies in the Q&A portion but I found it to be a helpful summary

Otherwise I've been focusing a lot on decolonial scholarship more so than fascist scholarship - this is again guided by Cesaire's argument that Europe/The West broadly is inherently fascist. These works aren't contemporary, but you can look at this post for some of the readings I linked on decolonial scholarship if you want to go that route. Those are serving me more for theoretical frameworks to guide contemporary analysis, not analysis of contemporary events directly

also idk if I need to put this disclaimer, but just in case this leaves my blog: this isn't a full throated defense of/apology for everything in these articles, I'm not claiming they're sufficient to understanding the present moment, these are just some of the things I've been reading recently and have found helpful in some way or another. a lot of contemporary work I have read (much of which isn't linked here because I don't think its very good/do not have it on hand) focuses on populism and authoritarianism as central analytical terminology, which i think does a lot of work to exceptionalize and mystify fascism as a historical and political process/project originating from European colonialism & Western imperialism, but these terms are endemic to the field so you have to contend with them no matter what

good luck with your studies!

#asks #book club #i need a fascism tag i think lol. maybe ill make one later

[heartfulselkie]

WIP Game

Thanks @coffeebanana and @rosie-b for the tag, and thank you @kasienda for coming up with this new game!

List the titles your top five priorities for WIP updates (link your fics for new readers!)

An upcoming scene, event, or detail in each fic that you're looking forward to writing

Bonus: make a poll for your followers to vote on which top 5 WIP they are most excited to see an update on!

Then tag 10 writer friends!

WIP TITLES

So I'm kind of cheating a bit with my choices here I guess since I have a lot of ideas but not so many actual active WiPs. So some of these aren't actually stuff that has been posted (or not posted in fic form) but they're all what my rodent brain is rotating right now.

Bell the Cat - Ladyblanc Knight AU. Enemies to Reluctant Allies to Lovers. Plenty of angst and trauma to be had in this one!

2. Sad Machine - Not currently available. I'm attempting aiming to have the fic more or less completed before I start posting. Futurist/Cyberpunk-type AU. No Miraculous but there's a dash of vigilantism and mysterious happenings to solve. And some questionable ethics (thanks Gabe).

3. Porceline Girl - Emonette and Badrien (post Paris Special) Oneshot that I'm hoping to finish soon. They're just angsty teens trying to figure out what is love how to be around each other.

4. Kaleidoscope - (not currently a posted fic so link leads to my tumblr tag) Kwami Swap AU with a dose of amnesia! Love Square is a mess in this with a Reunioned Ghostbug trying to solve all the problems. Adrien needs a coffee and a nap. Tikki needs a drink.

5. Citrus and Lavender - Enemies to Lovers AU with Chat Noir being deceived into being on Hawk Moth's side from the very beginning. The kids need therapy and Gabriel needs jail.

UPCOMING

There's is so much I'm looking forward to with Bell the Cat, but with the upcoming chapters I'm excited about introducing some more characters into this world! And of course all the Ladyblanc banter to be had!

2. This is my little pet project at the moment that I am slow roasting in the microwave. There are so many things that I am foaming at the mouth for that I want to just spit the fic out onto ao3 already but I'm trying to go slow with this one.

3. I'm just excited to feed myself more Toxigriffe, even if its in Adrinette form. I have so many ideas for these two but this oneshot is the closest to being finished. I'm excited to have it done (soon! hopefully!)!

4. Another one that's been slow roasting for a bit. I'll admit I'm still undecided with how I want to post this - do I go full fanfic on ao3 with it? Or a webcomic-style on tumblr? Perhaps a hybrid of both? I normally go with writing for longer stories, but this AU really got its interest and following through my random comics of it. It's exciting to think about my options as I could really challenge myself with it (even if opting for a more webcomic style is terrifying in its own way).

5. We're finally reaching the point in the story where Ladynoir are trying to transition from stalwart enemies to shy and unsure partners. All sides of the love square are standing on bambi legs right now as things are very new and scary - but at least they'll slowly learn they have each other to lean on!

I think most of my usual victims have been tagged already - so consider this an open invitation to anyone who wants to do it! I'm tagging you! Yes, you!

#wip game #fic: oneshot #fic: bell the cat #fic: citrus and lavender #kaleidoscope au

[where-theres-smoak-2]

This might be an unpopular opinion but I keep seeing posts talking about how Sylvie isn't taking responsibility for the problems the TVA is facing with the loom right now and how everything that is currently happening is all Sylvie's fault. Like I kind of get why some people have this opinion its easy to say that Sylvie killing HWR was the catalyst for the loom being overloaded.

But having thought about it some more I honestly, wholeheartedly disagree with the opinion that its all Sylvie's fault or that she hasn't taken any responsibility for the consequences of killing HWR.

First I want to talk about Sylvie taking responsibility for the consequences of killing HWR. So if we look at it from Sylvie's pov we have to remember that she wasn't warned that the loom would meltdown and that would put the branches in danger. She was told that the consequence of killing HWR would be that his variants would show up and start another multiverse war. Sylvie tells Loki if HWR variants show up she will kill them too. So as far as Sylvie is concerned because she has killed HWR its her responsibility to stop/kill any of his variants that show up. Which is what she planned to do when Victor Timely showed up. It's why she tells Loki she can't let Victor live, because she considers it her responsibility to protect the branches from HWR and his variants.

As for the loom I would argue that Sylvie does take some responsibility here too. Its a classic case of what a character says being very different from what they do. I think because Sylvie is constantly saying that she doesn't care about the TVA and that she's given everyone freewill and is now walking away, that she's made a life and she wants to live it, well yeah it does come across like she is just brushing off any responsibility.

But if you look at her actions she does actually help, she helps them fight against Dox, she helps them solve the problem with the loom in ep 4, when the branches begin disappearing in ep 5 she goes to Loki and says there must be something they can do. I know some people feel like she only went to him because her reality was at risk but I just think its a case of she thought everything was fine, the loom exploding didn't kill everyone like they thought it would, everyone was back where they were supposed to be before the TVA took them and its all fine and dandy. When she realises actually the loom exploding has caused a major problem it just wasn't immediately obvious, she wants to help fix it.

So really when you think about it, whilst she might have been vocal about much she wished the problem with loom wasn't her problem she does still take responsibility through her actions and tries, even if it is somewhat reluctantly, to help solve the issue.

Moving on to the topic of what's going on with the loom and all the TVA's woes right now being Sylvie's fault. I was at one point like well it was Sylvie killing HWR that caused the timelines to branch and therefore the loom to meltdown and the branches to spaghettify, so you could say it was her actions that was the catalyst. But just because her actions was the spark that set this chain of events off, doesn't necessarily mean that its her fault.

Having sat and thought about, really I think the fault lies entirely with HWR and his variants. It was HWR that worked out how to travel between the different worlds and meet other versions of himself, it was HWR and his variants that started the multiversal war because they wanted to conquer each other's worlds. It was HWR who then created the loom and the TVA to control one set timeline and who commanded all other timelines and variants to be sent to the void to be eaten by Alioth. So actually the truer statement is that none of this would have happened if it weren't for HWR messing with things in the first place so therefore everything that is happening now is his fault, not Sylvie's.

That's not to say though that I think every decision Sylvie makes is right, I'm not the kind of fan that thinks their fave can do no wrong ever, I actually think the squeaky clean characters who never do wrong are kind of boring. I do think Sylvie acted rashly when she killed HWR but I also understand why she did, this was the man who ruined her life and the consequence she was told would be more versions of him showing up and I think she just thinks, ok killing him means I might have to kill many versions of the man who ruined my life, no biggy, I think that was a consequence she was willing to accept and willing to take responsibility for. If she knew at the time what it would mean for the loom and therefore the branches she may have thought twice about it, who knows.

But the situation to me seemed like a bit of a lose/lose choice. Letting HWR live would mean continuing to prune branches and variants which would be wrong, but killing him as we've seen brings its own set of problems. Really, ideally it would have been better if Sylvie had listened to Loki and stopped to think about it. If they had decided to go for the long con, pretended to accept HWR's offer and then worked behind the scenes at the TVA to prepare for overthrowing him, who knows maybe Loki can still go back and do that.

Anyway to wrap up, I personally don't think that it's all Sylvie's fault or that she needs to take more responsibility, but hey that's just this gal's opinion.

#sylvie laufeydottir #sylvie #loki series #loki spoilers

[thesmollestsnek]

I’ve seen a lot of fics n headcanons where Dick Grayson has adhd, and I see you. But also. Consider: Tim Drake having (undiagnosed) adhd. As a certified adhd bitch myself, I have A Lot to say about this, so more under the cut.

Before we get into it, just a quick disclaimer: pretty much all of my dc knowledge is from fandom osmosis, so. If you see something that’s ooc or contradicts canon no you didn’t. Now with that out of the way, on to the main event!

Okay, so! First of all, let’s start at the very beginning. That’s right, I’m talking about Tim Drake’s “night photography”! Now I’m not gonna say neurotypical kids don’t get up to some dumb ass shit when left unsupervised for long periods of time, because they absolutely do. But. The complete disregard for the many, many dangers a young child alone in Gotham at night would face is still notable. And he doesn’t just ignore danger - he runs straight at it. That shows an impressive lack of impulse control, and inability to factor future consequences into current decisions, both of which are hallmarks of adhd. Plus, hyperfixation kinda… changes? How you perceive things. So if Tim was hyperfixated on getting the perfect shot whenever a major crime/fight happened near him, he may not have processed that he was danger at all during the part most likely to scare a neurotypical child away.

Next, we have the coffee. Yes, I know the coffee thing is super overblown by the fandom and not really supported by canon but ssshshhhhhh my world my rules Tim drinks lots of coffee. Now, this one’s kinda obvious, but caffeine is a stimulant and surprise surprise so are most adhd meds. I have seen firsthand how ppl with undiagnosed adhd will mainline caffeine as a form of self medication, whether they’re aware of it or not. Some people use soda or energy drinks, but coffee’s also a really popular choice for this kinda thing. So not only is it completely plausible for someone with undiagnosed adhd to self medicate by drinking a shitton of coffee, it’s extremely common.

Next up! We have the insomnia. Which, again, I think might be played up a lot in fic? But this is my world and you’re reading in it, so. Tim’s an insomniac. This is one of the less well known symptoms of adhd, but again I speak from firsthand experience when I say it’s a big one. Insomnia is extremely common among ppl with adhd, for a couple reasons. One is time blindness, which I’ll come back to in the next point. But also? It’s just really hard to turn your brain off. And if a large portion of Tim’s brain space is being devoted to casework, guess what. That inability to turn one’s brain off will manifest as late night case solving blitzes. Not to mention that hyperfixation, again, changes the way you perceive things. When I hyperfixate on something I often lose hours at a time, and bodily needs like hunger, tiredness, the bathroom, etc aren’t just unimportant they straight up don’t register. With the number of times I’ve come out of a hyperfocus to realize that I have a dehydration headache that’s been brewing for at least an hour, or have completely skipped a major meal, or desperately need to pee, I can 100% believe Tim not noticing any sleep deprivation symptoms until he’s finished whatever he was working on. And I, again, speak from experience when I say that if you happen to hyperfixate at something at the wrong time of night you will be staying up way later than is reasonable. Which brings me to my next point of…

Time blindness! My most favoritist thing in the whole wide world! (/sarcasm) This shit can and absolutely will fuck up your ability to be a functioning human if you let it. Having no internal clock causes more problems than the obvious losing track of time. It means your appetite is sporadic at best and you could very easily forget to eat. It means your sleep schedule has a tendency to just disintegrate if you don’t keep on it. It means being completely dependent on external clocks to know how long things are/should be taking, even for stupid shit like cooking food or brushing your teeth. It means that if you don’t set an alarm for something there is a very real possibility that something isn’t happening no matter how much you want or need it to. In short, it completely fucks up your ability to care for yourself without a lot of external regimented support. Now, who does that remind you of? Which member of the batfamily is known for neglecting his own health? I may not read many comics but the sheer number of “Tim Drake subsists solely on coffee and spite” jokes on ao3 and tumblr is very telling.

His brains. Tim is very, very smart. Have you ever heard the phrase “twice exceptional?” It describes Tim Drake to a t. Plus, I’m living proof of how you can be both smart of brain and dumb of ass. This may be more of a “my family who just so happens to consist entirely of twice exceptional adhd dumbasses” thing than something most ppl with adhd experience, but. You can be really smart and incredible at putting together complex plans, both ahead of time and on the fly, and still have. No common sense whatsoever. Which seems to be a lot of Tim’s characterization: incredibly smart while simultaneously being a complete dumbass. So make of that what you will.

And most compellingly? I think it’s funny. This kid is brothers with Dick Grayson and best friends with Bart Allen and especially next to those two people would never expect Tim to be the one with the quote unquote “cant sit still disorder”. Yknow what? Let’s take this a step further. Let’s make Bart autistic. (I don’t know enough about the flash family to say how accurate this is but for the sake of the joke let’s say he is). People see Impulse standing next to Red Robin and they think they know which one is adhd and which is autistic and they are Wrong. Tim n Bart are Completely unaware of this but the rest of their team finds it hilarious. There’s probably at least one running joke about it.

#tim drake has adhd (you can’t) change my mind #btw I don’t mention it here but my version of batman is 1000000% autistic #I’d offer to give headcanons on which batfamily members I think are which flavors of neurodivergent but. #I’m not NEARLY as familiar with any of the other things I headcanon them as #also none of the other headcanons are quite as solid as this one #I think Bruce n maybe Jason are autistic. Damian’s def got Something going on but idk if I care to put a name to it #dick most definitely has some cptsd but also? I think there’s a portion of ‘weird’ things he does that aren’t from anything specific #he’s just Like That #there’s most definitely some more stuff floating around in the family I highly doubt any of them is 100% neurotypical #I just can’t be bothered to figure out who’s most likely to have what and why lol #maybe some of my other nerdy neurodivergent peeps can chime in with their thoughts? #and just to reiterate: #all of my dc knowledge is from fandom osmosis and that’s how i like it #headcanons #dc headcanons #tim drake #tim drake headcanon #red robin #dc red robin #red robin headcanon #adhd #adhd tim drake #adhd red robin #neurodivergent tim drake

[ecoamerica]

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The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

#ACLA24 #ACLA24Leaders #youtube #youtube video #climate leaders #climate solutions #climate action #climate and environment #climate #climate change #climate and health #climate blog #climate justice #climate news #weather and climate #environmental news #environment #environmental awareness #environment and health #environmental #environmental issues #environmental justice #environment protection #environmental health #Youtube

[americasass81]

No Good Deed

Warnings:- Dark Themes Mentioned or Implied Include Consensual Non-Consensual Sex, Fingering, M & F Smut, Implied Breeding, Political Violence and Betrayal, Mentions of Nightmares and Trauma. Do not read if any of these warnings are upsetting. Feedback is welcomed.

By proceeding you are acknowledging that you are over 18 and are consenting to the content below the cut.

Author’s Note:- This is for @saiyanprincessswanienie 3.5k Followers Writing Challenge (Damn but this was a hard one). Congratulations Missy, you continue to amaze me with the kindness and friendship you so easily extend to any of us lucky enough to interact with you.  Forever grateful for all you do for this community and fandom, here’s to your next big follower milestone.  No one deserves it more than you. lyl💞💞

Challenge Prompt 24:- I miss your warmth.

Author’s Note 2:- As always, all images have been found through google search.

Pairing:- soft/dark!Steve Rogers x Reader

Synopsis:- Crossing paths with a recovering super soldier, just how much is your life likely to change?

Word Count:- 4,871

Walking carefully through the corridors so as not to impede the doctors, nurses and orderlies milling around the place while performing their life-saving duties, you nodded politely to the two heroes sitting talking together outside the bustling hospital room as you passed by to begin your daily visits.

Like most people in this particular hospital, you too had witnessed the chaos and upheaval caused by recent events.  But you had tried to steer clear of it.  Nothing against the agents, heroes or government law enforcement officers that had spent the last few weeks disturbing the peace of these sterile halls, but patients who ended up here had usually been through enough and the S.T.R.I.K.E. agents especially didn't give off a feeling of peace and safety.  Quite the opposite really.  Still this was neither your problem to solve then or apparently anyone else's to solve now.

Back now to what passed for a busy, yet smoothly running hospital, Sam Wilson and Natasha Romanoff were now the only reminder of the extraordinary events that had taken place within these walls.  At least outside of that particular hospital room anyway.  Behind the closed door where doctors finished up making Steve Rogers as comfortable as possible, the anticipation for news of his condition and the fallout from his actions still lingered in the air while his friends waited to finally be granted access to him.  But that was two days ago. 

Taking up residence now in the chair on the right side of the bed as Marvin Gaye's Trouble Man emanated from what looked like an ipod, Sam had hated to leave him alone.  The thought of Steve Rogers waking up alone once again without a human face to greet him for the second time in his short life didn't sit well with him, but his choices were sadly limited.  Given what had happened at the Potomac and the idiots in Washington baying for blood, his attention was currently needed to back up Natasha, which is how you ended up here.

Being a volunteer who gave up her free time to just sit with patients who had no one in this world to visit with them or simply give a few hours relief to a family member that had an errand they had to run or just needed a decent shower and nap in their own bed, the food, drinks and magazines you brought Sam had been greatly appreciated.  But nowhere near as appreciated as your attitude.  Having read about and admired Captain America since you were a child, you unlike most other people, were able to set aside the fan girl persona and see the fragile human buried beneath the cuts, bruises, wires and hospital bedding.  Sitting haphazardly on the other chair some orderly had procured as the super soldier still slept next to you, your mind had trouble focusing now on the book in your hands as you wondered what he must be going through.

Having woken up in a time no longer his own to discover only fragments of the world he once knew, he had set aside his own pain and given this new world the hero it deserved.  Throwing himself back into service by working tirelessly to fulfill Erskine's legacy and honor Bucky's sacrifice, the last few months had shattered the illusion that this new time was any different than the one he had left behind.

Beginning with the revelation that the United States government still believed in ending wars before they had even begun, this time through advanced weaponry, the hits just kept on coming when an attempt to assassinate S.H.I.E.L.D. Director Nick Fury before his eyes had revealed that the World War II criminal group known as HYDRA still functioned and with the help of his newly discovered friend James Buchanan Barnes, now operating under the moniker of The Winter Soldier, had successfully infiltrated various levels of government and was finally ready to seize control of this new world.

Standing up to their tyranny once again as he always had and fighting his one time friend in a brutal battle which landed him here and left a massive wreck in the middle of the Potomac river, not to mention the Black Widow's dumping of every U.S. secret intelligence file, both S.H.I.E.L.D. and HYDRA alike, your heart couldn't help but go out to him and wonder what now lay ahead for the First Avenger.  Could he rally once more and continue being the hero he always was?  Would the government even let him?  Or would this be the final act of betrayal that broke him and revealed that in the end all he really was is human?

Closing your book as your eyes now lingered over the monitors recording every aspect of his condition, this train of thought was easily lost to you however when Sam Wilson returned and thanked you for watching over his friend as he sank into his usual spot beside Steve's bed.  Smiling tenderly at him as you tried to figure out how he too was not currently occupying one of the hospital rooms like his friend, you quickly shook the thought away as you stifled a yawn while handing Sam a piece of paper with your phone number and told him to call you anytime if he needed anything.  Thanking you once again before saying goodbye, you then left the heroes behind and headed off to the next patient who needed a friendly smile and a kind word.

And so that's how the first few days of this extraordinary adventure had begun.  Stopping by throughout the day between your regulars, as you liked to call them, you'd drop off a few welcome items for Sam or Natasha before asking after Steve and then moving on to those who were without friends or family.  But nights however were spent by his side when even earth's mightiest heroes couldn't circumvent the ban on visitors staying overnight.  It was only after all your years of carefully cultivating relationships within the hospital hierarchy that got you around that particular obstacle.  Which is why you were the one there when it happened.

Resting in your now usual chair as comfortably as possible, having been told by Sam that the patient had briefly awakened, your fitful sleep was interrupted by noises and shuffling from the room’s other occupant.  Waking suddenly as the noises grew louder, you opened your bleary eyes to find the blond avenger caught in the grip of a nightmare you couldn't even dare to imagine.  Rising from the chair and laying your hand carefully upon his massive chest, you bent closer to try and soothe his troubled mind.

"Mr. Rogers?  Steve.  If you can hear me, I need you to relax," you coaxed as your hand moved across his chest and trailed down his arm to grab a hold of his.  Lacing your fingers through his as a means of being his anchor, your breath caught in your throat momentarily as he opened his eyes before you found your voice again and continued, "you're going to be all right.  I'm here with you and you are not alone."

Turning his head now in acknowledgement of your presence, your eyes met briefly before he closed them again and fell back into the abyss from whence he had just emerged.  And that became the pattern for the next two nights.  Talking him down when he woke up calling for Bucky or just rambling some other incoherent mumbo jumbo while you waited until morning to relay the news to the doctors in the hopes that they would be able to help, your concern for him only grew with each new ray of morning sunshine as doctors confirmed that only time and perhaps therapy would alleviate these particular issues.  And for that he would have to remain conscious.

And so it was that this became a secret that seemed to exist solely between you and Steve as the hospital fell into relative slumber and the closed blinds hid your comforting actions from the world outside.  Which you suspected was part of the reason you now woke up during another visiting with him to find your head laying on his shoulder and your body flush against his.  Embarrassing and unwelcome as that had been however, it paled in comparison to the revelation of Steve's position.

Opening your eyes to find his left hand resting on your ass while his right held yours over his crotch, feeling the warmth of the muscle beneath your palm was enough for you to search back through your mind for the particular memory of how this highly intimate yet wholly inappropriate situation had come to be.  Remembering how once again his trauma had woken him to find you calming his inner storm, this time however he found his sane voice just long enough to beg you to lay beside him while he drifted back to sleep.

Hesitating long enough to see the pleading cloud his features, you quickly slipped off your boots and climbing carefully into the bed beside him, gingerly snuggled next to him as his breathing relaxed and both of you slowly returned to peaceful slumber.  Now however morning had arrived and if you didn't want to be found in this compromising position, action needed to be taken.  Carefully and successfully freeing yourself from his grasp, though his left hand proved a tad harder to release, you had just sat upright on the side of the bed when a strong palm settled on your back and alerted you to his ever improving condition.

"Hey there, is everything okay?" he asked, still somewhat hoarsely as his hand moved tenderly up and down the outline of your spine.

"Sure," you answered, turning your head slightly to look back at the rapidly healing super soldier.  "I guess we just fell asleep again.  Anyway, Sam will be here soon and I have a few other patients to visit with today," you replied as you moved from the bed to the chair on his other side and began lacing up your boots.  A task that kept you so preoccupied that you failed to notice the despondent look that settled on the super soldier's features at the mention of you leaving him.

Reaching out his hand to you however as you finished this task, you took it and should have wondered what precisely he was thinking at the next words to leave his lips.  "You were tired.  You work too hard sweetheart.  Promise me you won't stay here with other patients all day," he asked as he ran his fingers along the back of his hand.  "I miss your warmth when you're not here," and kissing the back of your hand softly, you just had enough time to pull it away and compose yourself once more before Sam entered the room with what you suspected was some food and more magazines.

"Hey Steve.  Pretty volunteer," he smiled as he moved past your now standing figure to sit himself in the chair you had only recently vacated.  "How's our super soldier today, nurse?" he asked with a wink before pulling out a styrofoam cup and handing it to you.

"Thank you for this," you answered, taking the offered cup and bringing it carefully to your lips in the hopes the hot beverage inside would settle your nerves before continuing, "and you know I'm no nurse, Sam Wilson.  Still," you said, turning your gaze now back to Steve, "he does appear to be improving every day.  Hopefully in a few days he'll be able to go home," you smiled while failing once again to notice the dark cloud that settled on his features.

Giving Sam a quick note on things you felt the incoming doctor's should be aware of, at least as much as you were comfortable with, you then said your goodbyes to the two heroes, reminded Sam he could reach you on your phone if he needed anything and with a tender smile at Steve promised to be there again when Sam had to leave for the evening.  Then heading down to your car, a quick trip home for a shower and breakfast had you back at the hospital in record time to try and distract yourself from the nightly events.  A task which didn't go as smoothly as you hoped however..

Joining some of your favorite patients in the activity room for some games and a chat upon your return, it seemed word of the new celebrity had traveled far within these walls but unlike most youngsters, age had given the elderly residents a different perspective on the man who now refused to leave your thoughts even as he rested a couple of floors beneath your feet.

"I heard his speech was inspiring," Matilda mentioned to Audrey as you concentrated on the Scrabble letters before you and tried to ignore their conversation and the tugging on your heart.

"Well now that's hardly surprising," Jake interrupted from his spot by the window, "a fellow of his character and experience is bound to know words matter every bit as much as deeds.  Mark my words, the man who takes up the shield after him will be made of the same grit and integrity."

"Wait Jake, what do you mean the man after him?  Who said Steve is giving up the shield?" you interrupted as his words stole your attention from the game before you.

"Steve?" Matilda and Audrey both asked in unison with inquisitive glances you knew all too well would have you answering some awkward questions later but for now your full focus was reserved solely for the army veteran preparing to pass on some secret insight.

"Oh young one," Jake laughed, looking at you now and the other interested ladies with eyes filled with years of knowledge one could only acquire from all the life he had observed around him, "no one can carry on forever, not even a super soldier.  And would we even want him to?  Surely he has given enough and the man deserves to rest."

Turning back around to his jigsaw puzzle as your gaze returned to Matilda and Audrey's nodding heads, a part of you wondered what a world without the super soldier would look like but as the memory of his bruised body resting beside yours called out to you, you realized the old man was right.  Steve had given more than one man ever should and deserved to find peace before he lost even more of himself.  And it was still with this thought occupying your mind that you opened the door to Steve's room later that evening to find him sleeping soundly as the cares of the world currently seemed to have left him in peace.

Standing in the doorway noticing now for the first time the changes these past few days had brought, the conversations with your regulars made you realize something had to change.  Looking more closely now to see the cuts and bruises all but gone you knew that unless Steve voluntarily walked away there was nothing much that could stop him.  And that thought frightened you now more than any other.

Thinking back on what he had looked like the first day you saw him lying here all stitched up and shuddering at the nightmares that held him prisoner most nights as his consciousness slowly returned, a part of you wondered could Steve even walk away.  What would it take for him to even contemplate passing on that burden to another person?  It was a question that would have to await an answer however as a hand closed on your shoulder and a gentle "hi" brought you back to the present and all but gave you a heart attack at the same time.

"Shit Sam warn a girl before you sneak up on her," you replied quietly as you turned to face his now familiar presence while your hand rested on your heaving chest in an effort to calm your racing heartbeat.

"Sorry," he smiled and he couldn't help but notice the way your eyes flicked back to Steve and your body relaxed slightly upon noticing that sleep still held him in its embrace.  Giving one last glance over at his friend, he then gently took you by the elbow and leading you outside, closed the door silently before sitting both of you on the empty seats he and Natasha had occupied the first time you saw them.

Handing you a drink as now seemed to be his other customary greeting, enough time had been spent in his and Natasha's presence now to know that something was bothering him.  Reaching out your hand to grip his and reassure him that he could confide anything in you, you had to admit to being taken aback when Sam told you S.H.I.E.L.D. had suggested moving Steve to one of their own facilities to oversee his continued recovery and for added safety.

Furiously rising from the chair and reminding Sam in a less than favorable voice of all the pain S.H.I.E.L.D. had caused him, the eerie silence now descending on this bustling corridor was enough to tell you that your particular outburst was no longer a private matter between those who cared most for Steve Rogers.

"Sorry Sam," you replied somewhat calmer now while looking around and raising your hand slightly to let the ward nurses know all was well before continuing, "I know I'm just an ordinary civilian and I know they're not all bad, but surely you don't want a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent anywhere near him?" you asked, looking back once more towards the door that hid his resting form.  Hearing his phone buzz once more and sighing as he looked at the caller ID, you knew from his resigned features that the conversation was over for now.  Sam was needed elsewhere and you were now more determined than ever to somehow do what you could to shield Steve from any more harm.  But what could someone like you possibly do?

Saying good night to Sam and closing the door between you, Steve and the outside world, your mind worried with what Sam had told you and the uneasy feeling taking root in your gut.  Starting by once again shutting all the blinds that now made up your nightly routine, you took one look at Steve's sleeping form before walking back towards the door.  Knowing in your heart it was not your place or within hospital protocol to lock the door and acknowledging that nothing you did would really be able to prevent determined S.H.I.E.L.D. agents from forcing their way inside, your instincts still told you that something was better than nothing.

Heading back to Steve's bedside and checking through his charts, machines and vitals, all the information practically confirmed the same thing ... he was now much closer to being recovered than he had been previously.  Nodding your head and straightening your shoulders, you determined your course of action and set about putting it in motion.  Picking up the spare chair that usually cradled your sleeping body when not soothing Steve through a nightmare, you walked back towards the door and turning the lock then placed the back of said chair under the handle for good measure.  Then removing your shoes, you gingerly climbed up into the bed beside Steve and watched the door until sleep finally claimed you.  But given recent events S.H.I.E.L.D. really should have been the least of your concerns.

Waking sometime later in the night to find yourself no longer clothed, Steve's fingers playing with your hardening nipples brought your current predicament into sharp focus.  Calling out his name and squirming against him, Steve stopped what he was doing and laid you on your back before speaking.

"Hey sweetheart, if you want me to stop just say so," he whispered as your eyes now locked on his wandering hand and his eyes so blue and full of life for the time since arriving here flicked up to gauge your reaction.

Unable to think clearly or form any tangible words in that moment, his hand moving further down your body was the catalyst you needed however to spring into action.  Bringing your hand up to his and thereby stopping it from reaching your now exposed pussy, you found your voice long enough to ask him what exactly he was doing and how you had ended up in your current state of undress.

"I'm sorry," he replied with a child-like smirk, twisting his hand up to face yours and locking your fingers together before continuing, "it's just that I woke up to find you lying next to me again and I guess in my addled state I yearned to feel your flesh against my palm.  I find it oddly soothing," he finished and the look in his eyes reminded you of that first night he had begged you to lay beside him until he fell asleep.  Focusing on this memory as his fingers flexed against yours, you now acknowledged that that may very well have been the beginning of your downfall.

Sighing deeply then as you thought of all the women the world over who would give anything to be in your current position, his lips beginning to explore your neck and shoulders appeared to be doing wonders at lowering your defenses as a moan you barely recognised as yours left your lips.  Grinning now as his wet tongue joined his skillful lips and your hand felt looser in his grasp, the resulting "oh fuck, god" that next bubbled forth from your throat told him that perhaps you were more responsive to him than you were willing to admit and it only spurred him on more.

Continuing to suck and nibble along your neck as his hand left yours and made its way between your thighs, he was actually shocked when his digits came in contact with the wetness waiting there.  But if you were honest with yourself it didn’t really throw you for a loop.  Thinking back now to all the concern that had slowly started to creep into your thoughts of him, his fingers making their home within your channel now had you thinking totally different thoughts and as they somehow found a particular spot that had you clamping hard around him, you knew you were done for.

Begging now for him to apply more pressure and make you come, Steve proved himself every bit the gentleman you suspected him to be as he moved between your legs and tilted his hand at just the right angle to have you seeing stars.  Writhing beneath him now as his fingers continued to caress your walls, his thumb moving up to press against your clit was the final stimulation you needed to lose yourself to the waves of pleasure assaulting your body as your release gushed out around him.  Bending down then to lap it up as your ragged breathing made you fearful of passing out, the now impressive tool between Steve's legs that caught your eye told your night was far from over.

Flipping you over and laying you on your stomach, your blissed out state still didn't make you confused enough to not realize what was about to happen however.  Feeling Steve's heavy weight pressing down upon you met the memory of exactly where you were and your senses snapped into sharp focus just as his warm breath ghosted by your ear.

"Now that I've shown you what my fingers can do are you ready to let my meat invade your pussy and drive you to heights you never dared imagine?"

Hiding your face in his pillow and trying not to laugh at this ridiculous question as the super soldier flexed his hips and ran his hard length against your still dripping folds, your squirming body gave him that extra confirmation he required.  You weren't rejecting him.  Bending forwards more now to rest his lips against your ear, your body froze momentarily as the words he murmured confirmed the situation you found yourself in.

"So glad you seem to be on board sweetheart, but if you really want us to continue you're gonna have to use your words," and taking the "yes please" that left your lips as his cue, the super soldier caught his head on your entrance and thrust home.

Crying out as he entered you, he kissed your hair and shushed your whimpers as he buried his massive length within you while still being kind enough to let you adjust to his intrusion.  Murmuring words of comfort and encouragement in your ear, he didn't have long to wait before your body responded and he felt your hips squirm beneath him.  Easing some of his considerable bulk off your smaller frame then while still reminding you of the power he held over you, the slapping of his hips against your ass as his powerful tool stretched you beyond your limits was enough to have your body coming around his cock for the first time while your constricting walls forced him to add his own release moments later.

Remaining painfully hard within you as his hips continued their punishing pace, you tried to reach back and slow his pace only to have Steve yank your hands behind your back and now pull you towards him in a way your body was most definitely not meant to bend.  Pleading with him to remember that you weren't enhanced like he was, sanity prevailed thankfully as he eased up on his thrusts while still bringing your back flat against his chest so his phallus now hit you at a sharper angle that had you hurtling towards another orgasm even as the aftershocks of the first one still assaulted your trembling frame.

Coaxing you through your ongoing high as you now felt more of his cum flood your core, you might have thought about the consequences of his actions had he not been so bold as to paint a picture of the future he envisioned with you.  Continuing to fuck you over and over and over again as one orgasm ended and another began, you thought you might pass out again but Steve telling you about finding Bucky and the three of you raising a massive family together coupled with him stopping just long enough to allow you regain some sense of self, proved enough to keep you fully aware of just how much thought he had put into your future together.

Finally feeling the change in his length that signaled him fucking you was just about over, Steve Rogers at last erased any doubts you had about his intentions as he laid both of you back on your sides while slipping a set of keys and a piece of paper into your hands.  Looking down at what appeared to be an address that wasn't your home, you thought now that perhaps the doctors had been right about his trauma and resulting need for therapy, but his hands coming to circle your waist and rest against your tummy told you that despite your fears, you had agreed to most of this.  Kissing you tenderly then as he drifted off to sleep, these same arms held firm which was exactly how morning's rays found you once again.

Opening your eyes to now find Steve wide awake, he kissed your hair and released you before sitting up in bed and telling you to get dressed.  Moving gingerly as every part of your body ached, Steve continued to remind you of the life he had planned and whom you could turn to for assistance in his absence as he carefully began to remove any remaining bits of hospital equipment from his body.

Righting the room then back to its usual state before opening the blinds and unlocking the door, you had just about composed yourself when Sam appeared and was surprised to find Steve up and about and apparently all ready to head back out into the world.  Informing his friend that he just needed a few minutes to say goodbye to you, pulling you gently into his arms as his forehead rested tenderly against yours, it was with a heart weighed down by the task ahead that Steve held your gaze and uttered the words you would carry with you until your paths would converge once more.

"Knowing you'll be here waiting guarantees I'm coming back to you.  Now please, be my good girl and head to that address to protect the package I'm hoping we've created.  I’ll be back as soon as Sam and I track down my friend," he finished before kissing you softly, turning to Sam and walking out the door leaving you to wonder just how good he was at keeping his word and whether or not your random act of kindness had landed you with more trouble than you possibly knew how to handle.

Tagging:- @saiyanprincessswanie

#missys3500challenge #soft!dark Steve Rogers x Reader

[mandana-the-service-pup]

You guys. My blood pressure has been incredibly normal for 5 days. And I can hardly believe it but my heart rate hasn’t gone above 120s at all in the last couple days. I still have a lot of symptoms like fatigue, pain, etc but I’m so bewildered. I literally just woke up one day w/o POTS like what?!

Average Day VS Today

Over the last yr my daily average max HR has increased from 130-150s to 170-190s. In October & December I had three separate episodes that felt like a heart attack but ekg didn’t show a heart attack. Blood pressure has been 140/90 (daily high) with a max measured at 197/96. Then I just wake up one day and my heart rate is 50-120s and my blood pressure is consistently 110s/80s and it’s not show any signs of getting worse?!?!

Here is my current theory:

Back in like 2018 I was really struggling with a lot of things. Besides HR problems I was having issues with nocturia (TMI // waking up multiple times to pee at night). My dr at the time put me on fludrocortisone. It helped retain some of my blood volume which slightly improved some of my POTS symptoms and stopped the nocturia. I completely forgot I even had that symptom until October of this year when a Cardiologist took me off the fludrocortisone. Besides worsening my typical symptoms, the nocturnia immediately came back and no amount of management was helping.

On Jan 14th? 2023 I decided to use my service dogs red laser therapy jacket (Spectra Laser Therapy XL jacket) to help with my back pain. Long story short the vet recommended red laser therapy for a muscle strain in Mandanas back and it has helped her immensely. I thought maybe my EDS was causing my lower back to hurt at night, so on a whim I decided to sleep on top of the laser jacket (low lvl laser with programmed intervals meant to be used for hours at a time) to see if it would help. Not only did it help the back pain which I had expected but since that first night of using it the nocturia has been completely gone. I’ve been able to go 2-3 days without using it without the nocturia coming back and it seems like the more days I use it the more permanent the results are becoming and the longer I can go between uses. I’ve been using it on & off for two weeks and five days ago I noticed my blood pressure & heart rate have started to stabilize.

The tricky part is that due to a ruptured fibroid that could have caused the heart crisis in Oct-Dec I had to go on birth control (Slynd) to try to get my bleeding under control. I was on it for a couple months and just stopped taking it. I didn’t see any change in my blood pressure or heart rate when I started Slynd so I don’t know why stopping it would suddenly fix everything but I wanted to mention this bc I stopped taking it after the nocturnia was solved but about the time the blood pressure & heart rate got better. Because there are multiple variables I have no way of knowing if it’s the red laser therapy that has helped or if its some how related to the short course of birth control.

I’m not trying to claim some magical cure, but y’all have watched me struggle every day for almost three years on Tumblr. I cannot ignore this sudden turn of events simply bc it’s too unbelievable. I’ll keep posting updates as they come. I’m afraid to get my hopes up but this proves my body is capable of functioning normally and that is incredibly encouraging.

Also, when I first got my diagnosis of POTS years ago I was told by the specialist that sometimes people just wake up cured and we have no idea why. It sounds like a fairytale but after the week I’ve had I’m beginning to believe it might be real.

#dysautonomia #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #ehlers danlos syndrome #hashimotosthyroiditis #gastroparesis #mast cell activation syndrome #chronic illness community #disabled community

[talkfantasytome]

Stay - Part 9

Kastas plots over breakfast.

Warnings: None. | Word Count: 2,246 | Nessian Masterlist

Previous Part | Stay Masterlist | Read on AO3

a/n: Posting for "What If...?" day for @nessianweek! Probably not much of a surprise I'd choose to update this fic for that, as this is my biggest what if. 😄

Confused didn't begin to describe Cassian's current thoughts as he watched Nesta sit beside him for breakfast.

He probably shouldn't be. This was Nesta. She found comfort in distancing herself from the people around her. Still, they'd had such a good night and morning, and she'd left the tent saying that she would join them for breakfast. So what happened? There must've been something.

In his experience, Nesta didn't typically pull away without some event or action that got to her. Like when he licked her neck back in the mortal lands.

Cassian still hadn't figured out if that was the dumbest thing he'd ever done, or the smartest. At least he'd always have that one, tiny taste to remember. And that kiss this morning.

Maybe that was the problem, the sleepy kiss. It was an intimate moment. And those were the ones that tended to make Nesta worry the most. Intimate, physically close, anything that made her feel more than she wanted to.

He'd have to make sure she knew she had nothing to fear. A far more difficult feat in the midst of a war.

"Now, mikrívasí, tell me something about you," Kastas requested as he handed Nesta and Cassian their breakfast. "What are some of your favorite things in life?"

Nesta gulped loudly as she swallowed her first bite. A quick glance and Cassian could see her eyes widening, her lips pulling slightly. But she adjusted quickly and set her plate on her lap as she replied, "I like to read a lot."

"A curious mind."

"Not really, I prefer fiction," Nesta explained.

Kastas tsked and shook his head softly. "That doesn't matter. You have a curious mind, I can tell. You just prefer to explore it in other worlds."

Nesta's eyes darted to her plate, her focus moving to her breakfast. But Kastas's remained on her. Cassian wished he could step in front of Nesta and shield her from whatever Kastas was thinking. Not that he didn't trust the male, but he could feel Nesta retreating further as someone attempted to actually know her. She didn't like that.

Luckily, it wasn't necessary. Kastas slowly turned to face Cassian, a mischievous smile dancing across his face. "What are you doing today, mikrares?"

"Uhhh…" Cassian sputtered, unsure why Kastas had given up so quickly on Nesta. Could the male already read her so well? Why didn't Cassian like that idea? "I haven't figured it out yet. Probably need to consider possible next steps pending the information we receive."

"Perhaps Nesta can help you," Kastas suggested, his eyes bright. Her head snapped up at the comment, but that did nothing to deter Kastas. "She's a smart girl. She'll probably be able to solve all your problems."

If only Cassian could express how true that likely was.

Nesta shook her head slightly. She looked up at Cassian with a tentative gaze. "I doubt I can help. I don't know anything about battle strategy."

Cassian softly offered, "I can teach you." He gave her a small smile and nudged her gently. "Probably a better use of my time than just sitting around and waiting for news from Az."

"Are you sure you want to teach me how to win a war?" The right corner of Nesta's lip twitched upward just as her eyes met his. Cassian released the breath he hadn't realized he was holding, his own lips spreading wider across his face.

"It'll be nice to finally have a worthy opponent," Cassian teased. As if he could ever describe Nesta as anything but a worthy opponent.

They'd gone head to head thirteen times since they'd first met. None quite as momentous as that time in the human lands, in her bedroom. Some were rather small, but Cassian counted them.

Nesta won more times than him. She was almost entirely unflappable. She didn't fluster easily, didn't reveal herself. In all honesty, Nesta Archeron was an iron gate, to thick to break through, too tall to climb over. And whenever he faced that gate, his wings refused to work.

His only solace was that he still got under her skin more than any other person he'd seen her interact with. By a landslide. It was only fair she did the same to him.

Nesta rolled her eyes, the blue sparkling through the grey in the morning light, and went back to her breakfast. Cassian continued to watch her, unable to stop when he saw the hint of a smile remaining as she ate. When he finally looked away, he found Kastas triumphantly smirking at the two of them.

The rest of breakfast went smoothly, Kastas pulling as much information from Nesta as he could. Cassian listened intently, taking note of the bits and pieces he wasn't already aware of.

She loves strawberries and pineapple, hates something called kale, and says she would die happy if it were by drowning in chocolate. Her favorite color is blue. She likes the idea of swimming, but doesn't know how. And she was born in the spring, but she prefers autumn because she has allergies.

Cassian couldn't help but laugh at that. An actual similarity. He knew the pain of allergies all too well.

"Thank you for breakfast, Kastas," Nesta said once they were finished and the dishes were cleaned.

The camp had become lively as they ate. Warriors emerging from their tents, joining their friends around various fires and cooking their breakfast. The air was full of conversation and laughter, everyone enjoying the respite from fighting now that most had healed.

"It's my pleasure, mikrívasí. I will gladly make sure you don't skip breakfast every morning." He gave Nesta a toothy grin that had Cassian laughing internally.

It was easy to be around Nesta when with Kastas. Despite the fact that he was tracking their movements, it was still nice. His eyes were always…hopeful, excited. He liked seeing Nesta give Cassian little smiles, or the way Cassian couldn't help but try to find an excuse to touch her - nudges, shoulder taps, accidental finger brushes. It wasn't the same as the skeptical, judgmental stares of his family.

Nesta nodded at Kastas and replied, "Then perhaps I'll see you tomorrow morning."

"I will keep my hopes up."

The soft laugh from Nesta as she started in the direction of their tents pulled the corners of Cassian's lips upward. He followed behind her quickly, giving Kastas a quick wave.

They walked side to side for a moment. Cassian shoved his hands into his pockets, not entirely sure what else to do with them. Or what to say. It took him a whole minute to come up with, "So, are you all right with having the lesson in my tent?"

"You really don't have to do this," Nesta sighed, looking up at him from the corner of her eyes. "I'm sure you have better things to do than teach me battle strategy."

As if Cassian could have anything better to do at any point than spend the day with Nesta. "You underestimate how I feel about spending time with you."

Nesta's gaze darted forward, likely worried her eyes might reveal something. But she couldn't hide the tinge of pink that spread across her cheeks. It was like a rose softly blooming on a spring's day. Better than that, because Cassian's eyes weren't watering and he wasn't sneezing and itching uncontrollably.

When they reached his tent Cassian opened the flap for Nesta, letting her walk in first before following and sealing it shut. It was canvas. People could easily shout if they needed him.

Alone again.

It was becoming a regular occurrence, being alone with Nesta - much to Cassian's pleasure. Still, practice didn't seem to make perfect in this case, because his stomach was roiling just as much as it had that first time they were in her room together.

Even when human Nesta stood straight as a pin. As a Fae…sometimes it felt like he was looking at someone who was a thousand years old, not twenty-three and barely three months into being Fae. She was as still as the air, the only sign of life being the flush of her cheeks and the soft movements of her chest.

Movements Cassian had to try not to look at.

"So," he breathed, brushing his fingers through his hair. "Battle strategy. What do you already know about battle strategy?"

Nesta's mouth curved into a smirk. "Don't let your opponent see you coming and predict your next moves."

"Yeah, that's true." Cassian's voice broke slightly due to the mischievous sparkle in Nesta's eyes. Clearly she knew as well as he did that she excelled at being unpredictable. Like that time she completely dismissed him when he was attempting to goad her. Silence had never gotten under his skin quite so effectively. "It's better to take your opponent by surprise. It'll make them scramble.

"On top of that, some of the basics of battle strategy include trying to take the high ground, exhausting your opponent, and attacking their morale and confidence. Not exactly easy when dealing with full militaries, but it can be done."

"Like how you took out that commander and terrified the troops so much that they retreated?" Nesta asked.

Cassian stilled at the question. She was exactly right, of course. But…had she been watching him during the battle? Or asking about him while she helped heal the warriors? How did she know about that?

"I-well…yes, though I don't think they retreated entirely out of fear," he replied awkwardly, rubbing at his neck.

"That's not what the other warriors were saying." Nesta's words were breathed, as if they were more of a thought as her eyes drifted to the war table where Cassian had figures for their troops set up.

He could feel his cheeks heating. "I also took out the person giving the orders," he explained, stepping up beside her. "They needed to regroup. That was all."

Nesta's smirk was all too enticing as she sighed, "Modesty doesn't suit you, Cassian."

That was it. He was done for. She'd used it a few times more recently, but still, every time Nesta said his name Cassian was sure he would pass out with how blank his mind went. And using it to tease him…fuck. How was he supposed to go on after that?

There was a full minute of silence before Nesta turned to the war table Cassian had set up. "So, what tactics are there to those strategies."

Cassian sighed in relief. It was easy to talk battle, and Nesta switching the subject back to that allowed him enough confidence to actually speak again. Whether she knew what she was doing or not didn't matter. At least now Cassian wasn't standing there like an idiot.

They spent the two hours discussing various battle tactics that can be used to help give a military the upper hand. The conversation flowed naturally, Nesta taking in everything Cassian shared, asking her own questions, and sharing thoughts. Unsurprisingly, she took to war strategy like an Illyrian to fighting. Cassian could only imagine what she'd be able to do with a bit of training and an army behind her.

"So, what strategies will you be using against Hybern?" Nesta asked as Cassian reset his war table back to where all the pieces originally were.

Letting out a deep breath, Cassian paused what he was doing and looked up at her. "I don't know," he admitted.

"That's not particularly comforting."

Cassian chuckled. "I know, but it's hard to know what to do when I don't know where we're going next. Besides, in the end, this war will come down to whether or not we can kill the king. The battles are almost pointless, as awful as it is to say. At least, they are for us. Hybern uses them to keep us distracted and hold us off. Deplete our resources so we can't get to him."

Nesta nodded and looked back to the table. Her eyes glazed over a bit as her mind went somewhere else for a moment before she said softly, "Then why not make him come to you?"

"I wish we could," he breathed. "But he's killing the people of Prythian, and destroying our lands. We have to go to where he is to save lives."

"How do you kill him, then?"

Letting out a sardonic laugh, Cassian laid the last piece down on his table and then took a seat on his cot. "That's a plan that still needs making. One that requires a different type of strategy."

His face fell into his hands, his palms rubbing at his skin softly as the air in the room grew heavy with stress and fear. Cassian could admit he was scared. Worried about what this war would bring. The consequences it might have. With all that Hybern could do, he knew their chances were slim.

Not that he could tell Nesta that. Even though she probably already knew. He couldn't - no, he wouldn’t state it out loud. Better she roll her eyes at him for being a cocky idiot than let her lips fall in fear at his honesty.

So Cassian lifted his face and flashed Nesta a crooked smile. "Luckily, we've got the best Fae for the job working on it, and the greatest fighter in the world ready to execute." He winked at her and felt his entire body lighten when she did, indeed, roll those steely eyes.

Shoutout to @c-e-d-dreamer for the idea on what Nessian could do during the day. 😄

@live-the-fangirl-life @generalnesta @secretlovelybeauty @julemmaes @boredserpent @autumnbabylon @lady-winter-sunrise @moodymelanist @sv0430 @nesquik-arccheron @gwynrielsupremacy @katekatpattywack @moonstoneriver77 @deedz-thrillerkilller16 @swankii-art-teacher @lemonade-coolattas @emily-gsh @my-fan-side @champanheandluxxury @sayosdreams @simpingfornestaarcheron @perseusannabeth @clemidansleschoux @meher-sumedha @labetenoir @vinylcryes @shinya-hiiragi @starryblueskies7 @a-court-of-milkandhoney @pintas3107 @embersofwildfire @superspiritfestival @aks18 @thewayshedreamed @lunabean @xstarlightsupremex @mis-lil-red

#nessian #nesta x cassian #cassian x nesta #nesta and cassian #acotar #nessian fic #nessian fanfiction #nessian fluff #nessian au #a court of thorns and roses #acotar fanfic #acowar #a court of wings and ruin #acowar fix #acotar fanfiction #kastas plots #cassian swoons #and educates #any excuse to be with Nesta #you know how he is

[cellard0ors]

Fic: The Cards We Are Dealt (15/?)

Fandom: The Quarry

Pairing: Travis Hackett/Laura Kearney

Rating: EXPLICIT

Warnings: Age difference, time travel, mention of drugs and alcohol abuse, angst, horror, magic, mentions of child abuse, the 80s (a warning into itself 🤣), trauma, mentions of suicide attempt, sexual content

Summary: Killing Silas isn’t an end for Laura Kearney. It’s s the beginning. A beginning that begs questions that need to be answered and mysteries that need to be solved. For her sake, as well as that of Travis Hackett. But not all of them lie in the present nor the future, but in a long-forgotten past

Notes: Art above by the lovely @dngrs-untld-hrshps-unnmbrd! I am sick (it's been on and off - very on at this moment) and have done my best to catch any mistakes, but if there are some, please forgive!

Reminder of tags - in particular, suicide attempt, verbal arguing, and sexual content. Last one in mind, hope you all will stick with me even with this exciting event.

Preview:

It’s late into the evening and Laura is alone in Travis’s house.

After talking with Angela, Laura explained to him what she was told, although she kept some things to herself. Like the fact Angela knew about her travel in time all along. This is mostly done out of respect for her friend and she also doesn’t feel it’s really relevant to their current problem.

The other is Travis’s potential death. She doesn’t want to alarm him and, in many ways, she feels Angela showed her this exclusively, because it’s in Laura’s hands to change. And she will change that. In no possible future will she allow Travis to be killed, much less killed protecting her.

Eliza, while unreliable and a vindictive cow, said it herself – Travis is the King of Swords, Laura the Knight. Knights protect their kings, not the other way around. As such, Laura will do whatever it takes to see Travis safe.

AO3 Link

#hackearney #travis x laura #my writing #the quarry

[hopeshoodie]

if you don't mind, what's the reason behind your tumblr username?

So it's LITG themed (obv lol), but specifically referencing the scene(s) in S2 where a string comes out of Hope's hoodie, Hope gets upset, Noah says to just buy a new one, Hope snaps that he can't afford to buy her a new one and that's not the point anyways. And then this argument inspires a series of events where both Noah and Hope reckon with if they should be together.

Hope storms off the to terrace but then realizes that it's not about the hoodie (it is, she's partially but upset about that being broken and Noah being dismissive about it, but ALSO) it's about how she's been lying to herself that everything's right with Noah.

It bothers her that he makes less money than her and doesn't have career ambitions as lucrative as hers.

It bothers her that he isn't bothered by that difference, she feels like he should be but obviously can't say that.

She feels shallow for the two points above, because she's the only one in the equation worried about money. So she resents him for the thing, and also how she feels about the thing.

But it feeds into a bigger fundamental difference about the two of them- Hope wants to be a career woman, and Noah is content with his current position and wants to settle down and have kids.

On it's face, she's upset that a object she cares about broke and Noah was dismissive about it (and again made her feel shallow/materialistic). He didn't make effort to understand where she was coming from, and she's frustrated that she couldn't effectively communicate her feelings to him.

Despite all of these things, Hope really likes Noah (and has been intimate with him) and it's activating her commitment issues. She's questioning herself and the relationship and is feeling super insecure

And Hope can't communicate the sum of all these things to Noah without feeling misunderstood or dismissed (and then she yells/turns it into an argument because of those feelings). But she IS able to communicate them to MC because they're in love.

And then MC goes downstairs and sees Noah trying to fix the hoodie. And its this ironic moment because both Noah and Hope are trying to figure out how to show the other they care, but are having the communication they need to have not with each other but with MC.

Because Noah communicates that

He's overwhelmed by the fighting/yelling

He's beginning to regard Hope as immature, because of the fighting and her preoccupation with his income (and that she would make snarky comments about it in anger) and for other reasons

He's realizing that their style of handling disagreements is different and that they might not be compatible

He's starting to question his relationship with Hope because of the above items

And again, instead of telling Hope this or trying to work through it with her, he's trying to fix her hoodie. It's a super sincere gesture, but he's focusing on the straw that broke the camels back- Hope's not really that angry about the hoodie. So presenting her with a fixed hoodie doesn't tangibly solve anything.

But that's what Noah does. He avoids conflict, focuses his attention on tiny parts of the problem instead of trying to understand the scope, and lets problems fester. And worst of all, when there's conflict with his current partner, he starts to look elsewhere for comfort, which continually manifests in the story as him cheating on Hope/developing feelings for other women without doing anything to break up, communicate, or reconnect with Hope.

And idk I just. I love these back to back scenes. Nope is my favorite part of S2, I love both Noah and Hope so much and I love the nuance in their relationship. They genuinely do care for each other, but they also bring out the worst in each other. They're just so wrong for each other and I love watching them push the other to the brink. It's way more compelling to me than anything else in the story.

#final queue #litg

[themculibrary]

(TW) Depression Masterlist

A day like this (ao3) - Banashee clint/phil M, 1k

Summary: (...) On some days, Phil just stops completely.

He’ll power through whatever he needs to, keeping himself occupied with work and little else for as long as he can but when he hits a certain point, it’s like someone took his breath away. On those days, Phil deflates entirely, unable to do anything else. (...)"

Phil is struggling with his mental health. Clint understands. They help each other.

almeno tu nell'universo (ao3) - silkspectred steve/tony E, 114k

Summary: Tony drives off.

Well, he wants to.

But he can’t.

Because.

Steve Rogers is in front of his car.

Steve fucking Rogers. Is in front of Tony’s fucking car.

always winter, always spring (ao3) - Mizzy steve/tony E, 4k

Summary: (groundhog day) trapped in an ever-replenishing room with an impossible puzzle to solve, Steve and Tony learn a thing or two about each other and about themselves

and they called him lemon boy (ao3) - turtle_bean T, 3k

Summary: “Well, my name is James, and I'm a volunteer at the Crisis Line. I'm an MIT graduate, I'm employed in the army, War Machine is my favorite Avenger, and I love pineapple on my pizza. Is there anything else you'd like to know about me?”

Yeah, why does James keep asking questions? Why can't the man let him die alone?

“Why did I fucking call?” Peter hisses to himself.

--

or, peter calls the crisis line.

Faint (ao3) - Shadow15 loki/tony, peter/thor E, 43k

Summary: When Tony meets Loki for the first time, he knows how wrong of him it is to want the boy for himself. And then there’s the problem that if Thor ever knew, he’d lay Tony out in one punch. And even then… Loki has his own issues - serious issues that make it difficult to even get him to trust Tony at all.

But, Tony had never really been known for giving up, and he always got what he wanted in the end. It was just going to take a bit more effort than usual on his behalf.

Homefront (ao3) - copperbadge steve/tony E, 12k

Summary: Steve Rogers is a capable leader, a kind and cheerful man, a good friend, a strong role model, and a loyal soldier. He’s also teetering on the edge of suicide.

Make Way For Tomorrow (ao3) - hopeless_hope T, 36k

Summary: Before Ben died, Peter won a booth to present his project at the Stark Expo. But even on the run from the foster care system, he can’t pass up the opportunity to attend and show the world his project. It all goes so well, until it doesn’t. Trying to avoid being caught, Peter runs out on Tony just as the man is about to make him the offer of a lifetime.Bold of him to assume Tony won’t try to find him.

me and you +1 (ao3) - haveufoundwhaturlookingfor steve/tony N/R, 4k

Summary: Steve discovers that he's pregnant after the events of Civil War, but he doesn't get a chance to tell Tony because Team Cap is currently in hiding, and Steve can't risk calling Tony and getting the others in trouble. Steve is trying to get through the pregnancy, but it's hard when he doesn't have Tony around. He's grateful for Natasha and Sam's support, but it's not the same.

More Than Meets the Eye (ao3) - LokiNeedsHugs1031 loki/tony, steve/bucky E, 249k

Summary: Tony Stark and Loki have known each other long before the attack on New York. Tony is shocked to find that Loki doesn’t remember him at all, that hence the reason Tony being thrown out the window, that is until he’s slammed to the ground by The Hulk. When Tony sneaks a peek at the beginning of interrogations he discovers that the Loki that attacked New York has seemingly woken up from some kind of mind control, and is begging for help.

not gruesome, just human (ao3) - isozyme steve/tony T, 6k

Summary: “I need to crash on someone’s couch for a while. Your couch. I need to crash on your couch,” Tony says.

Steve’s mouth opens. If he asks why Tony’s going to bolt, he can feel the certainty of it under his sternum. He doesn’t have a sternum anymore, just a tangle of metal under his skin. Too many things have punched through it to get to his heart. There hasn’t been enough bone left to reconstruct anything made of flesh in a long time.

“There’s borscht on the stove,” Steve says.

No Use Crying Over Spilt Milkshakes (ao3) - pherryt bucky/clint/steve G, 5k

Summary: Clint's feeling abandoned and rudderless with the fall of SHIELD, the lack of Avenger calls, and the disappearances of both Steve and Nat, though he gets why they're both off doing their own things. His best friend could never sit idle and Steve, well, he's got bigger problems than Clint to deal with right now (*cough*Winter Soldier*cough*).

It's okay. He'll deal. Somehow. Maybe.

Out Of The Void (ao3) - Lynds loki/tony E, 43k

Summary: Tony goes to help out with the Battle of Greenwich and ends up stuck on Svartalfheim with a half-dead Loki. He’s tempted (very tempted) to leave him there, but the screams are kinda getting to him. He takes him home and patches him up…and then realises that there’s way more to the Trickster than meets the eye.

Stars (ao3) - b_a_r_n_e_s steve/bucky T, 1k

Summary: Steve got up. The constellations had not changed, because seventy years meant nothing to stars and suns and planets in a different way than it meant nothing to human beings.

They had won. He kept his head down and wrote down the things he was told he should write down.

The Reasons That Lie Beneath (ao3) - itsallAvengers steve/tony T, 10k

Summary: When Loki decides to be a little shit and curse Steve Rogers with a cuddling spell- the Avengers are suddenly the victims of crushing hugs and constant hand-holdings. And weirdly- Steve has a strange attachment to Tony in particular.

But Loki’s trick reveals more to Tony than he had ever expected, and now it’s time to face some terrifying realisations that come with the curse.

Tony needs more fucking coffee to deal with all this.

Thumb, Index, and Pinky Extended (ao3) - Eudoxia steve/tony N/R, 4k

Summary: Tony Stark is twenty-one when he loses his voice. It shouldn't matter, but in a world where the first words your Soulmate says to you are marked on your skin, it can be pretty damn annoying.

Vibrato (ao3) - shattered_sian loki/stephen M, 15k

Summary: Thor and Loki return to Earth with the people of Asgard, but Strange won’t allow Loki to roam Earth after all of his devilish deeds. Thor makes an agreement with the sorcerer to keep Loki on Earth- his brother will have to be under the supervision of Doctor Strange at all times. While at first Loki’s antics are nearly too much for Strange to handle, things slowly change.

Void (ao3) - MnemonicMadness

Summary: Everyone would have expected for Mantis to react, to scream or rage the moment she touched Tony Stark. To feel anger or sadness or some other twisted thing. Instead, she doesn't react. She touches him and feels nothing.

You were supposed to be different (ao3) - Banashee M, 5k

Summary: Part 5 of my "Bad Things Happen Bingo". Prompt: Bullying.

Sometimes it's the people who always had your back that can hurt you the most. Clint finds that out for himself, and while he's dealing with various mental health related and other issues, he also needs to figure out if he's even wanted around anymore.

#themculibrary #mcu #marvel #angst #tw #depression tw #depression #depression masterlist #masterlists

[alyjojo]

Advice to Work on Yourself 💄 in August 2022: Aries

Ace of Cups - 10 Cups - 3 Cups

Regarding: 6 Swords

You could be involved with a Capricorn, there’s so much Capricorn energy here, I forgot what sign I was doing initially. You also seem to be on the receiving end of karma with this Wheel of Fortune. You’re trying to move on in your life, or you’re needing to, but something is holding you back. Similarly to Capricorn, it may be a way of behaving or believing that’s got you trapped to a specific person or situation. There may be an opportunity to get involved with some lust-driven or toxic relationship, possibly with a Capricorn, or this may be a family member as well with 10 Cups here. You’re conflicted about your feelings, you don’t express them at all, even though your heart is full of love for whoever you’re dealing with. You come off as incredibly cold, even within a partnership, and this causes conflicts within your partnership. At some point, you started holding your feelings and your love close to your chest, and never opened back up. Possibly due to a toxic relationship, one you felt you couldn’t escape, and that’s not the case.

Regardless of the dynamic of this relationship, you’ve been forced to work with them, probably why you feel tied to this. The advice is to hang on, The Hanged Man. Wheel of Fortune shows karma is at work with this person in Devil energy, outside of even your control, and circumstances will begin to change without you even having to affect them. I don’t see this person sticking around for much longer, or you could be the one that will be leaving soon. Someone will be literally leaving the presence of the other person and the toxic dynamic between them, it’s an inevitability, destiny, fated, karmic etc. Whatever this Queen of Pentacles was doing or involved with is shady, unhealthy or damaging in some way, and they’ll pay the price for whatever that is, outside of your involvement at all. In the meantime, you’ll only have to set your mind on avoiding the drama and refusing to take part in it. Work on melting your frozen heart. Once this is over with, you’ve got 10 Cups here. Ultimate happiness.

Animal Oracle: Boar 🐗

“Face your problems head-on with confidence and courage, and you will emerge victorious.”

Whatever difficulties you’re experiencing now, whether with a relationship, career path, or some other concern, dig in and rummage around until you discover how to solve the problem. Then take immediate action to remedy it. Every time you confront adverse situations in this way, you’ll be uprooting those elements in your life that appear to be obstacles to fulfilling your purpose. Life can sometimes be very uncooperative with your rational mind’s sense of order, and will at times even block your demands of how events or experiences should unfold. If you’re living on Earth, you’re going to get your feet muddy sometimes, but it’s no call for panic, crisis, or drama. Instead, take a deep breath and view whatever problem you encounter as simply something that needs to be taken care of. As the saying goes, there really are no problems - only creative possibilities.

Once you’ve emerged victorious - which means that you’ve either conquered your problem or changed your thinking about how you initially perceived the situation - you’ll experience a surge of power and confidence. Remember that your power originates from Spirit, expressed through you and as you. When you’ve vanquished the illusion of this situation being a problem, you’ll not only feel a greater sense of relief and freedom, but you also open the way for your heart, mind, and soul to be more in alignment with the Will of Spirit. When you operate from that perspective, you can overcome anything!

Artist Oracle: WILLIAM BLAKE

- Hell is hypocrisy on earth.

- Vision requires not sight but spirit.

- Madness in life, genius in death.

Advice:

- Repair Your Stuff

- Share a Cultural Film Adventure

Charms:

Snowflake ❄️ on 2 Cups shows coldness, whether this is you or someone you’re currently with, this lack of open emotions has caused problems in your relationship and is the advice here for you to recognize and work on. Good or bad, how do you authentically feel?

Black Cat 🐈‍⬛ on Wheel of Fortune shows the secretive and deceptive mystery side of The High Priestess. On Wheel of Fortune, this will be a chain of events that seem and feel very karmic in nature that will lead to the end of this toxic connection, which feels freeing and justified more than anything painful.

#aries tarot reading #advice to work on yourself #advice #august 2022 #Aries #tarot

[teenageread]

Review: The Inmate

Synopsis:

There are three rules Brooke Sullivan must follow as a new nurse practitioner at a men’s maximum-security prison:

1) Treat all prisoners with respect.

2) Never reveal any personal information.

3) Never EVER become too friendly with the inmates.

But none of the staff at the prison knows Brooke has already broken the rules. Nobody knows about her intimate connection to Shane Nelson, one of the penitentiary’s most notorious and dangerous inmates.

And they certainly don’t know that Shane was Brooke’s high school sweetheart—the star quarterback who is now spending the rest of his life in prison for a series of grisly murders. Or that Brooke's testimony was what put him there.

But Shane knows.

And he will never forget.

Plot:

Brooke went back to her childhood home, after 10 years of being away. Along with her ten-year-old son, Josh, Brooke moves back into her parent's house after they died in a car crash and left the house to Brooke in her will. Unaffected, as she was not close to her parents, due to them never being open and loving to Josh, Brooke was excited to go back to the place where some of her happier memories were made. Also to give Josh a fresh start due to being bullied at his old school due to the fact he did not know who his father was. Applying for all nurse practitioner jobs in the area, Brooke was unhappy when her last choice gave her a call and offered her the position at Raker Maximum Security Prison. With the last nurse fired and arrested for selling drugs to patients, Brooke was given a clear set of rules from her superior: don’t give out personal details, the prisoners are grateful for everything she does, and not to forget that these men are in here for crimes. Brooke was all too aware of what these men could do, after all, she sent her first boyfriend here at seventeen. Shane Nelson, her first love, and the first person to try to kill her. Eleven years ago Brooke was excited to spend the night at Shane’s house alongside her two best friends, and their dates. Yet when the night ended with several deaths and an attempt on Brooke's life, Brooke reported to the police that Shane, her boyfriend, was the murderer, and he was sent to Raker for life. Seeing him again, as her patient, Brooke begins to question what really happened. When Brooke begins to grow close to their neighbor and childhood friend Tim, things about that night begin to get clearer. After all, Brooke never saw Shane try to strangle her, she only felt him, and Shane was not the only boy there that night, and not the only one with a motive to kill. 

Thoughts:

What a wild novel, especially in the final act. Freida McFadden writes this psychological thriller from the point of view of twenty-seven-year-old Brooke Sullivan, who moves into her parent's house after leaving town ten years ago due to being pregnant with Shane’s baby, after just sending him to prison for life. McFadden's writing is fast-paced and easy to follow as you only hear the story from Brooke’s point of view. With a few of the middle chapters sporadically dedicated to the night eleven years ago, you get to see how the past is affecting Brooke’s current thought process, especially as her trauma-locked brain reveals things about that night in the present time. This story is also told, a bit, by an unreliable narrator, as Brooke starts the novel off, certain that it was Shane who strangled her but then begins to change her tune, making her think it could have been someone else. Brooke was not the best character to have the POV from. You were not rooting against her, but not really for her either. She was very much a boring character, despite having these horrific events happening around her. I am not sure if this book needed Brooke to mentally lose it, or for her to pick up the gun and solve her own problems, but it was just hard to really get a feel for Brooke. Sure, you want her happy and healthy for her kid, but there was nothing that really drew you into Brooke, or made you care about her beyond Josh needing a mother. Shane was a decent character when we saw him, despite McFadden keeping his personality very two-dimensional or “nice” making this reserved character hard to get a read on. Tim on the other hand is uber nice, making you distrust him immediately because no one should be that sweet all the time. McFadden however loses all worth they made for this novel, starting at the two month later chapters, as it goes downhill and crazy real fast. I just hate the ending, the real mystery of what happened eleven years ago. Sure, McFadden wraps up all the mysterious loose ends within the story, but it was just so far out there, so fast, it really gave this novel a huge turn-off for me. Also what do they do to Josh? Hate. Hate, hate, hate, it was unneeded, out of character for how they were building Josh, and just wildly out of pocket. Overall, this book has a wild physiological ending, so if you're in for that go for it. Otherwise, this physiological thriller is very much boring to something extremely unhinged. 

Read more reviews: Goodreads

Buy the book: Amazon

#The Inmate #Freida McFadden #book review

[straycatboogie]

2023/07/07 English

BGM: KIRINJI - 再会

Today is the Tanabata day. We make wishes for stars as an important event today so I wrote this year as "I wanna be a bridge". "A bridge"... Like the one which connects between this town and the world. This world is getting more internationalized/globalized so we can find many foreigners in this town. I wish I could help several communications between those foreigners and the native Japanese residents in this town... For example, when they buy something in supermarkets. Or when they try to throw their rubbish/garbage away... Of course, the translation tools are getting developed so the wall of languages is vanishing. But, what if I could solve the problems those tools can't solve? I want to be a "bridge person" who works as a translator/interpreter... Indeed, this must sound a huge delusion/daydream. It is too big to realize. People might say that "Work as a bridge if it were possible!". You are right. I can't see how I can realize that. It must be impossible... But I am OK even though I have to live as a poor person with the current job. With that work, I want to keep on learning English and working as a translator as a volunteer. That is the meaning of working as a "bridge" for me.

Suddenly I thought I wanted to confess that dream to my parents. About that I asked how I should do to my "mentor". Because it is really a big, big dream. Too big to realize. How could I do that dream as my job? How could it become as a lifework of mine? I couldn't see at all... Then, that mentor sent me an answer. "Please tell your dream directly/straightly to your parents. Good luck!". Ah... I was so impressed. Once I thought I could be a vicious, terrible son for them. Indeed, I graduated Waseda but it could cost so much. After that period, I just spent my days as a heavy drinker. I couldn't do anything for them. Just I made them cry a lot... A terrible, shameful son for them I guess. I hated myself too. "I should not be in this world" and "There must be no reason or worth why I have to live". Those ideas also made me drink so much... I just lived my life automatically to death. But now, I have a dream. I want to be a bridge!

However today I was exhausted because of my late shift work so I couldn't tell this to my parents on LINE. I want to tell someday... I say this as a clear fact. I couldn't find this dream by myself. At least, I believe so. Through various "collaborations" with my friends, I could have found this dream. Now, I have been connected with a lot of friends via several connections. For example, the "danshu" meeting, the meeting about autism, our server on Discord, etc... At those place, I met a lot of wonderful people, and learned precious things from them. We have "trained" and embraced each other. I have had a lot of disciplines, and that enabled me having this spontaneous dream. Now I can see that a keyword "bridge" drives me to move forward. It has fallen inside my soul... As a clear fact, I am just a sissy wack. A tiny crybaby in Japan. But these connections/commitments has grown this dream up. It has been becoming bigger. C'est la vie.  

Today is Tanabata. The day that Orimihe and Hikoboshi meet again so I chose Kirinji's "再会" as today's song. "再会" means "meeting/seeing again" so I remember the movies and novels which describe various "reunion". For example, how about Takeshi Kitano's movie "Kids Return"? In that movie, an ex-boxer boy meets an ex-yakuza boy. It makes them start their new life... "Meeting" or "encountering" enables us to start new events in our lives. Me, that day, that meeting was a real turning point because that was the beginnign of this relationship between that mentor and her daughter. That was exactly the beginning of "this wonderful life. What if I couldn't meet them? The mentor praised my English, and also introduced the meeting of this city's international association. I started English again in the class that association held. After that, I started expressing myself/my life in English... A great, brand new life. I remember that movie's truth. "It has not been the beginning yet". My life is also "starting" from now. I know... I can't achieve any big thing because I am already 48. But I won't stop.

#diary #english #journal #personal diary #online diary #tumblr diary

[darlingpwease]

Yes, Teacher??? /t /why must u bully me 😔😔

Oh shit– I guess they really don't like swan lake then lmao Thank you for bringing it here to tumblr,, it wasn't only cool to learn but also just really interesting too!! :DD /gen

Yes yes,, thank you for teaching information, Dove <33 I'm looking forward for the next one!! /ht /hgen /I do think it's cool when u do that tho

Ahhh okok,,, then make sure to rest well. I can only imagine how nerve-wracking that must've been. I can't really do anything, but I really do hope that everything's good now and that you and others are feeling better now.

Yeah,, where I am tensions are rising with both the government and it's citizens, it's like there's no middle ground abdhdks. I'm just hoping that it will stay somewhat calm until I'm able to leave lmao,, it just seems like there's not much rest for anyone recently ha ha... I can't imagine life like that tho, it sounds exhausting.. (not meant in any offense) however, I can definitely relate to some things losing their points of "joking" tho,,,, its... it's not enjoyable <//33

Uwwhhh thank you,, unfortunately I'm still gonna fluctuate like this for the next 2-ish weeks I'm so sorry I'm so sorry <//3333 I'll also reply to the other post when I can I promise aaahdbskd

-panna cotta

hehe, good pamna, good~ mwah♡ as they said in one highly social advertisement about how relatives bully children with their 'attempts' to help them, "bullying begins at home"<3333 /t /j /nsrs

you know, but not even everyone in the country knows about such a feature with the term "swan ballet", especially among young people, since they simply did not find that time and none of the adults told them how this ballet was played immediately after the coup - also, it is associated with the death of the general secretary of the CPSU, so as on the day of his mourning, only this ballet was played on TV. I do not know if you have watched it, but it is a very calm and even quiet, serene ballet, completely unrelated to politics, but now it is quite politicized due to the connection with the August coup and the "purge". you look at him,,, what a charmer<33333 /affectionate

yaau~ then next time I'll tell you something more exciting, considering that events are getting more and more tense and bad ☆〜（ゝ。∂）/ht /ht /pos

I mean, unlike almost all the people in my environment, I don't even take pills yet, so I'm still very fine<333 after all, I can still be joyful even without antidepressants, so!!! a very sanguine person!!! hold my malewives tight!!!

the same, babyboo<///3 I only hope that something will happen when the elite dies out, because I don't see any other ways to solve the current socio-political problems. at least let them not close all borders and there will be at least some way to leave, and then everything will be fine. sometimes they say that it will only get worse in other countries, but I will be glad if I don't participate in an absolutely serious dialogue in the style of "do you think there will be a nuclear war or not?" for at least a couple of months. however!!! don't take it as a complaint, I don't think my situation is worse or better than yours;;; maybe the world is just changing and we need to follow if we are not at the helm, but sometimes I would like to stop following and just stop sjdhhd /ht I agree; especially when it becomes difficult to understand if it's just a joke or if it's serious, because laughter is the only thing that,,,, remains</3

everything is fine!!! fortunately, next week I have the last final and I'm all through August<3333 of course I have a little more study here and there for additional education, but these are small things~ well well well...🤨🤨🤨 /t /j /pos

#[📂] — voice from under the bed #❖.my jewelry #✮.panna cotta <3