#is there an equal term in this community for baby gay?

[sheriiam]

Since today marks the 53rd year since the first Pride parade took place, let's dive into the history of the "progress" of our Pride flag.

This new flag is called the Intersex-Inclusive Progress Pride Flag, created by Valentino Vecchietti of Intersex Equality Rights UK in 2021. It is an update to the previous Progress Pride Flag created in 2018 by Daniel Quasar.

The original pride flag was created in the 1970s by gay activist Gilbert Baker, friend of Harvey Milk, the first openly gay man to be elected to public office in California. The flag made its debut at the San Francisco Gay Freedom Day Parade celebration on June 25, 1978. Baker used eight colors―

― hot pink for sexuality, red for life, orange for healing, yellow for the sun, green for nature, turquoise for art, indigo for harmony, and violet for spirit.

Why Was Pink Removed From the Pride Flag?

The original hot pink color was removed from the pride flag because the fabric was difficult to find.

The Progress Pride Flag was created with the inspiration of other pride flags—specifically, the Philadelphia Pride Flag from 2017 and the trans flag.

The Philadelphia Pride Flag had black and brown vertical stripes added. The trans flag, created in 1999, is pink, baby blue, and white. Both of these flags inspired the design of the new pride flag.

Black and Brown Represents People of Color

The Philadelphia Pride Flag was designed by the Philadelphia Office of LGBT Affairs and was done in partnership with advertising agency Tierney. It was introduced at a City Hall ceremony in June of 2017. The flag showed the traditional six rainbow colors in horizontal stripes, with a black and a brown stripe atop them.

The colors black and brown were added to the Progress Pride Flag to represent people of color (POC). This was an important addition because people of color have often been left out of the queer narrative despite being the driving force behind the movement.

With the rise of the Black Lives Matter movement, culture at large began to shift in a much-needed way towards acknowledging the vital roles that people of color have had in our society. The pride movement background is one of many areas where POC, particularly Black people, did not receive the recognition they deserved historically. Adding colors to represent them on the flag is one way to change that.

Additionally, the black and brown stripes are meant to represent people living with HIV/AIDS, those who have died from it, and the stigma around the virus that is still present in our society now.

Pink, Baby Blue, and White Represent Trans People

Transwoman Monica Helms created the trans pride flag, which first flew in a pride parade in Phoenix, Arizona back in 2000. Monica Helms is a transgender activist, author, and U.S. Navy veteran.

Traditionally, the colors pink and baby blue have been used to represent whether a baby is a boy or a girl. Here, the colors denote those genders. The color white represents people who are transitioning, intersex, or identify outside of the gender binary.

The word "progress" in the new flag isn't only about adding the new colors to it. It's also because of the shape, which differs from the original design of horizontal stripes only. The Progress Pride Flag shows the white, pink, baby blue, black, and brown stripes in a triangle shape, with the old six-color rainbow stacked next to them.

This was done intentionally to convey the separation in meaning and shift focus to how important the issues represented on the left are.

The placement of the new colors in an arrow shape is meant to convey the progress still needed. Quasar spoke publicly about how work is still needed in terms of POC and trans rights. This arrow design is meant to highlight that.

Although the Pride flag continues to evolve, the most recent update includes a yellow triangle with a purple circle inside it to represent the intersex community. It now serves as the most up-to-date LGBTQIA+ flag.

#lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtq+ #lgbtqia #lgbtqia+ #lesbian #gay #bisexual #transgender #queer #intersex #asexual #aromantic #non binary #nonbinary #pride month #pride #pride parade #june

[ladypeonies]

This moment is cute. This question about acting was directed at Apo and when asked if he would be paired with someone, Mile jumped in and basically said WE didn’t decide anything. Lol Mr Phakphum where is that WE coming from? By Apo’s knowing smile and look, you know that it isn’t the first time that Mile jumped in, asserted that or shut the whole thing down. I believe it is a sensitive subject for him and here is why I believe so.  

Thai entertainment industry creates ‘love couples’ and give each of the young men a precise role according to their position in the unit (top or bottom). They’re taught in those workshops, to drop any awkwardness, to touch, to breathe, to fall in love, etc. They’re encouraged to get closer. Everyone around them talk about them in terms of a pair, husband, wife, your boyfriend, etc. That practice can in my humble opinion be harmful, but it’s a debate for another time.

The thing is it doesn’t matter if you are straight, or gay but not sexually attracted to your love/unit partner, if you’re in love with them or not. It doesn’t matter, you will feel it. They become part of your daily life, you care without meaning to, it’s engrained in you. Until, of course, you part ways and it will be a good and healthy separation or a messy one. I'm not talking about one time love couple, but one with several work together.

I see those pairing like a ‘dating app’, sometimes it matches, work very well. Mile and Apo are a match made in love couples heaven. I’m telling you they exceeded expectations, chemistry, bond-wise. Because they click, they are in tune, they think alike and they have a damn great communication. They know where they are going and why. I think the fact they had a previous connection helped and the fact that they are slightly older than many love units. They fit into those roles which the entertainment industry wants for their love couples, without even thinking about it, because it’s in their nature.

Mile is a carer, he enjoys taking care of Apo as expected of a (Top in the series) and the older one. He’s a gentleman, it’s in him, to let Apo go first, open his bottles, etc. From the very beginning it was that way, even before the shift. Filmania Mile let Apo get away with anything. I mean the man wasn’t even into skinship but let Apo, push him, lay his feet on him, hold him, shake him, etc. He would offer his arm, let himself get styled. Mile paused his interview to tell Apo calling him he was coming to play with him, like? He would see if something disturbed Apo to talk about it. And now … well, I don’t have to say much.

And Apo accepts it as his due lol. It doesn’t mean that Apo doesn’t take care of him, he faced COVID for him. But Mile takes it as his responsibility and shall I say privilege as a gentleman. They have that relationship where he sees Apo as his equal and they have this daddy/baby vibes all the time. It’s in their jokes, the way they behave. His attentiveness is insane, because he knows Apo so well. And Apo can be as demanding, as clingy as he wants because Mile enjoys it.

They went through a lot in a short time. As I say before they designed their relationship and tailored it to their needs, character, wants, etc. I’m convinced that when it’s time to part ways in any love units, it’s always, always more difficult for the one who made it his responsibility to care for the other or the older one in that role. It doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be difficult for Apo, but his experience in the industry would help and prepared him. Remember when they both were all teary thinking about the future without the other. ‘You’ll never lose me.’

In a recent live Pond was doing, Fans requested JobApo and another pairing I think. And I remember Pond replying, ‘You need to be considerate of Mile’s feelings,’ or something of the kind. And I don’t think he was joking. Seeing Mile’s career trajectory, he wants to focus more on music, he wants to go back to his roots, business. Which means if he follows through, Apo will probably be the first and only love couple, he would ever have. And when you think about it, it makes his feelings on the matter even more obvious. He’s not ready to let go and Apo having a love pairing, if I was in his shoes, it would bother me as well. It’s human.

It doesn’t mean he wants Apo to lose any opportunities or prevent him from doing what he wants. I think it would be meaningful for them to finish their cycle together before Apo starts a new one. Look where they come from, what they went through. I kept saying that for these two to have this type of bond which looks like a ten-year-old one, they had to spend a lot of time together. And they do, the bubble is still there.

The day they will part ways, there will be tears, drunken cries, Instagram/twitter posts, and soap operas. They are drama kings after all. Well, they could also surprise me and go all quiet. I think it would be worse lol.

One thing I really appreciate about Mile Phakphum, he's never ashamed of what or who he loves. He will show, be proud of it and play his guitar while all of you yell, throw up, and cry at his choices or tastes.

#mileapo #apo nattawin #mile phakphum

[a-faggot-with-opinions]

I just wanted to drop in with some links to some now-deleted but still very good articles on Transmasc Comphet (which is a term I think needs to be spread around more when discussing Transmlm social pressures)

"Transmasc Comphet (and the road to faggotry)" the original article - web (dot) archive (dot) org/web/20210109231028/https:// medium (dot ) com/@neilklein/transmasc-comphet-and-the-road-to-faggotry-62ed750f391f

"Transmasc Comphet — the Followup" - web (dot) archive (dot) org/web/20210124071417/https://medium (dot) com/@neilklein/transmasc-comphet-the-followup-46fddbda7c4

I think a lot of it is stuff you and others who discuss anti-transmasculinity already touch on but I think it's another piece of language we really should be using (even though I know someone is going to find some reason to hate us more over it). Thanks so much for everything you do on the blog my guy

Every gay trans man on the planet needs to read this.

In all my many years of being alive, there has not ever been one other article that I have read that has resonated with me even close to the way that these two have. I used to think I was either a lesbian or a bi woman and would pretend to myself that I'm attracted to women when I am now, and also was at the time, repulsed by the idea of being romantically involved with women. I remember for a while I called myself a butch lesbian because it felt like the closest thing to what I thought I was (a masculine woman).

But something still wasn't right, because I'm not a masculine woman, and it didn't feel correct even at the time. I brushed it off and kept going on with my life as one does. For a long time after that, I thought I just had a fetish of myself as a man. But I think that accepting myself as a gay trans man was inevitable after I got really invested in the FOB fandom. Now, I am a gay trans man, and I feel so much better than when I identified as bi or a lesbian because this is who I really am.

Talking to a lot of other transmasc MLM has made me realize that my story is not unique. So many baby trans men identify as bi or straight for this reason before realizing that they are actually gay. And that's not to invalidate straight trans men—they exist—but I am saying that so many of us are convinced that we're straight because as men, that's what society pushes onto us. And even before we know that we're men, we subconsciously know that we are in some sort of societal role where we should love women, which is why, I think, so many gay transmascs identify as lesbian or bi before even realizing that we're trans.

One other thing that I resonate with that Klein brought up is the fact that it's impossible to separate my homosexuality from my transness because sexuality and gender don't exist in a void separate from each other. This is the main reason that I identify as nonbinary and am uncomfortable describing my gender as a man unless I'm making it clear that I'm oversimplifying my actual experience. By saying that my gender is male without elaborating, what I'm saying is that I'm like other men in some way, and that my experience of gender is similar to other men.

But that just isn't the case for me. I tend to think of myself internally as a third gender, separate from male and female, largely due to my experiences with being gay. In the framework of maleness, I'm GNC, femme, or whatever else you want to call me that basically means the same thing. The simplest way to describe my gender identity, and in my opinion the most accurate, is that I'm gay. I am like others who are gay, and I fit into that community. My expression, then, is built around a framework of being gay.

Often when cis people talk about people like me, they tend to put our transness first, and think of our homosexuality as being something that exists because of our transness while in my experience transness and homosexuality are equally important parts of my identity that can't be separated. I am not me if I am not trans and gay. To put it in simpler terms, there might be an alternate universe where I am female due to my transness being something innate to my being that I feel would still exist even if I was amab, but there is no universe in which I am not exclusively attracted to men.

#asks #transmasc comphet #transgender #ftm #trans man #transmasc #gay #long post #transandrophobia #transmlm separatism

[lesbonym]

okay so I have a few questions if that’s okay? 😅

~ what’s the difference between masc and butch?

~ I met this girl on hinge last year and she made such a big deal over the fact that i basically knew nothing 🥹 she laughed at me at first and then she started explaining the “types” of lesbians?? I was so confused, she started by trying to explain what a U-haul lesbian was and got then never explained anything else??? would she have meant “types” as in like, femme, masc, butch, pillow princess etc terms like that?

~ also I’m really worried because most of the community goes on about how lesbian relationships go really fast… and I’m worried because I don’t know if anyone is gonna want me or want to deal with me, you know? Or be bothered with taking it slow because (Really exposing myself here,) but I’ve never been in a relationship. Never held hands, never kissed anyone, still a virgin. So most I know is from ppl around me, movies and fanfiction- PROBABLY NOT THE MOST RELIABLE SOURCE OF INFORMATION?!

sorry if this is really long idk, I’m gonna be 19 in a month and I just feel that people are gonna treat me differently… but not in a good way if that makes sense?

🕷️

It's okay, baby. I'm glad you are asking. I might not give perfect answers to these so I would also check comments or reblogs for other answers! I'll also try to link some good articles I found and I recommend people tag some good blogs that fall under these categories. Questions are under the line cause this is a bit long lol

1. Okay, I'm definitely not butch but I hope I can answer some questions. Butch is an important part of lesbian culture that's often viewed as a masculine protector, it's an identity. "Masc," means masculine and can be more viewed as the aesthetic or how someone looks. There's another term called "Stud," which refers to masculine POC (Black, indigenous, Hispanic, etc.) lesbians, and white masculine lesbians can not identify with this identity. But not every POC masculine lesbian will identify with Stud. All of these identities are equally valid and wonderful alongside Femme.

It's always important to just ask what a lesbian identifies and what it might mean to them. (Again anyone can come and add more info to this or correct me on any info.)

Article written by Stud lesbian

Butch blogs I recommend that I follow: @butchxdaddy @daddyisatitlenotagender @wanderingbutch (I need more studs to follow, please recommend some)

2. That girl should not be laughing at you and I'm sorry she did that. "U-Haul" lesbian isn't even really a type of lesbian, it's a stereotype that lesbian tend to move in together quickly. People are all learning many things at different times and you making an effort to learn is what matters. And yes, there's many labels that lesbians can fall under, but don't have to. Types or labels could include butch, femme, stud, and masc, though I personally view pillow princess as more as a sexual term, but I might be wrong about that.

3. Sadly, there's a lot of hate towards lesbians even in the community (POC and masc lesbians especially). Many lesbians are viewed in the stereotype of always moving quickly, moving in and moving on. My own personal relationship is slow moving, a decision mutually agreed upon. I would definitely say that while fanfic and movies is an okay starting place, I learned much more by talking to other people on tumblr, finding posts and articles. You could probably try to find some good educational videos to learn more. That was a lot but I want to say that it's okay to ask questions and to never feel afraid to not know something if you just don't know. You should be allowed to take it slow and anyone that doesn't respect that is an ass. People that laugh at you (maliciously) or make you feel dumb are not good for you. While they aren't obligated to educate you, I think it's important to help baby gays <3

#🕷️ anon #emoji anons #emoji anon #lesbian #wlw #sapphic #nblw #butch #masc lesbian #butch lesbian #lesbian questions

[frickwhat]

I WANT TO DO THE REVIEWS THINGY TOO.

1. MOONLIGHT CHICKEN:

personally i think everyone should give it a watch because it is worth it. would i rewatch it? probably not the whole thing is very heavy for me but i would watch limingheart scenes ,THEY WERE IT. the acting omg, it's so fucking hard to believe that it was their first gig. they showed us their problems individually, like they were their own characters with their own struggles but they also were there for eo. communication was on point. liming had problems, real problems with college and money. he wasn't afraid to stand up for himself the kid's a fucking icon. and he is baby i will protect him forever.

2. NEVER LET ME GO:

the plot could be better, the acting was good but could be more natural, the chemistry BHAI. have i watched it 9 times? yes. the thing that stood out the most was their relationship they met eo and palm was ready to die for him (yes i know it was his job whatever) ??? palm is so in love with neung it's disgusting but so is neung. he hides it with quips and scolding. i read somewhere and they explained that the water shows how free they are on the beach. they can be themselves and no one would judge them. they could forget their status, family expectations and all. they're my beach boyfriends and i love them.

3.BAD BUDDY:

family hates eo so they hate eo? yes. childhood rivalry? yes. enemies to friends to lovers? yes. chemistry? yes. acting natural? yes. pran liked pat bohot pahle se and they showed ki he was reluctant to be with pat. nanon ate this role and left no crumbs. there are so many things i could write but i feel lazy so go and watch it if you haven't (shame on you). they're my slut bfs.

4. MY SCHOOL PRESIDENT:

its actually a close first but idk why it's on fourth (i forgot about it). this show is so fucking wholesome that i cried (yes my friend has proof i hate her) tinn is so green flag babygirl bf. and gun is so dumbass oblivious but not babygirl bf. confessing to my crush? no become the school president and be rivals with him so he will like me. the dance scene has my whole fucking heart and i love it. idek what to say they're idiots and i love them. gun is such a complex character in my opinion. he has layers like we see that he is not very good in school but he has his musical talents and leadership qualities to make up for it. my man is actually very observant and he has the kindest heart. he deserves everything nice and so does tinn. he really was fighting for his life to get gun to like him. i would have given up in two months but that wasn't all. tinn was a really smart character and he knew how to comfort people. ahh i love him but i can't find words. geminifourth played the hell out of this. everyone should give it a watch the storyline is cliche but refreshing too and who doesn't love high school lovers.

5. NOT ME/ BE MY FAVOURITE:

a) not me: the whole premise of the show is genius and important for thai people but like also everywhere. they danced under a fucking lgbt flag and helds hand. i deserve that. the scene makes me cry everytime. sean knowing that it was black not white was nice i am thankful they didn't make him dumb. the show is politically woke so points. i don't really know the political status of thailand so don't come after me. seanwhite are my be gay and fight the government bfs.

b) be my favourite: honestly i wasn't expecting anything from this show but it surprised me. fighting for queer rights? pisaeng coming to terms with his sexuality without his love interest? kawi realising that he can't change some things and he has to accept it? him noticing that he was slowing becoming an alcoholic? max as a tired gay bestie? pisaeng loving every moment of him being a sugar daddy to kawi? kawi making him understand that they have to equals in a relationship? pisaeng being a clingy bf? everything is fucking perfect. and the time travelling part is well done too tho it makes no sense but yeah. also them actually giving pear a personality and storyline? thank you.

special mentions to:

1) the eclipse (my crybaby bfs. they deserve their own posts)

2) my love mix up

#bad buddy #never let me go the series #not me the series #be my favorite #my school president #moonlight chicken #limingheart #patpran #tinngun #seanwhite #pisaengkawi

[godismommy333]

Not Poetry

I’m not a christian.

Pretty sure Jesus was a real person. But I am not a historian, and I can’t go back in time. 

And the Bible was written a long time ago...right? 

I say God more often than not, first of all, because I grew up Catholic, and it’s a little hard to shake. Second of all because I do not fear a word. I used to, so I try my best when I fear something to overcome that fear or to back off until it calms down. 

.......God can be in a cloud and God can be in a Britney Spears song and I don’t have to believe in a specific God or even know what my “God” is to know that I feel something is there. 

I’m spiritual but even that might change. 

I will always always be me. I will always be loud, quiet, soft, flashy, chaotic and definitely sweet. Because baby I was born this way. 

I believe in evolution, growth, open-mindedness, love, beauty, peace, calm, happiness, extreme joy, LIKE JOY THAT IS TRULY UNEXPLAINABLE, equality, justice, and I definitely believe in the gay community and what they have to say. 

What I've learned about spirituality I won't share, because it’s for you to find out. 

And for the time being, after this message is complete, I will no longer be using any christian terms. For my protection. As a queer person, still figuring out her sexuality and identity. 

I hope one day we can say each other’s words and not feel fear or shame. I can say God and Jesus freely and you can say, slay and yas. 

[qnewslgbtiqa]

Ann-Marie Calilhanna: Capturing Mardi Gras for 20 Years

New Post has been published on https://qnews.com.au/ann-marie-calilhanna-capturing-mardi-gras-for-20-years/

Ann-Marie Calilhanna: Capturing Mardi Gras for 20 Years

Much-loved photographer, Ann-Marie Calilhanna has dedicated over 22 years to documenting the vibrant Sydney LGBTQIA+ community. 

The Woman Behind the Camera

Ann-Marie Calilhanna is one of our community’s most accomplished photographers. As a gay woman herself, she has served as an official accredited photographer for the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras Festival for more than a decade. Her compelling work is prominently featured in magazines, newspapers, and online, offering a visual narrative of the Sydney community.  Ann-Marie has witnessed and photographed some of the biggest milestones our community has seen in the last two decades.

See the exclusive interview with QNews below.

What drew you to photographing queer people and events in the first place? 

I love the sense of family. A bond of unspoken connection and the importance of documenting the progression of our fight for equal rights. And the privilege to document our vital history so it’s never lost.

How long have you been taking photos professionally? 

I started documenting our community’s history from 2002. I have always been fortunate to be at the forefront photographing many firsts and lasts that will never be forgotten:

a couples first kiss on the dance floor

a rainbow baby’s first drag story time

the first and last marriage equality rally

Not to mention 20 Mardi Gras Parades, Fair Days and parties and still counting! There isn’t much I haven’t seen and some things I can’t unsee! 

What is something priceless that you take from your community photography career? 

Witnessing our younger generations make the most of those hard-won opportunities by our trail blazers, so they can openly live as their true authentic selves.

Over the years I’ve met incredible friends who have become my family and I feel so fortunate that many of them are the backbone of this community and such a strong foundation in my life. 

Who would be your all-time favourite celebrity that you’ve met through your work? 

I don’t have just one. But I have met and photographed many celebrities, including Kylie and Danni Minogue, Cyndi Lauper, Boy George, Cher, Tina Arena, Dawn French, Keanu Reeves, and Kirstin Davis to name a few. 

There are heaps more, but I remember a special moment with Kelly Rowland where she actually asked if she could have a photo with me. Wow! I was really taken aback by that! Kelly was so sweet and down to earth towards me. 

A lot has changed for the queer community over the last couple of decades. What difference has that made to the photographs you’ve taken? 

When I first started out, events were more segregated and more underground. I have seen the progression of equality unfold, now many of our events are held in mainstream spaces and are less binary. 

Gay events now will often house people whose gender is less defined in traditional terms and people who maybe don’t identify as queer but as allies, making the events more diverse and larger in scale.

For the latest LGBTIQA+ Sister Girl and Brother Boy news, entertainment, community stories in Australia, visit qnews.com.au. Check out our latest magazines or find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube.

Read the latest from QNews

Ann-Marie Calilhanna: Capturing Mardi Gras for 20 Years

Queer Eye’s Tan France denies mean-girl tactics

Friend: Lemarre-Condon had two lives

Madonna and Kylie: It’s been a long time coming

Qtopia Sydney’s heritage is on display

#sydney gay and lesbian mardi gras

[temporarymoods]

perpetual novice

hey blog, i've thought about you every day since i made you, and i couldn't quite settle on what to feed you next, but like, whatever!

at this moment in our arena, please welcome me and my haircut (!!) and the girls on tinder and jane: an abortion service, plus the sophie lewis book on my nightstand I could practically draw "z"s above, (that's my bad.)

blog, I'd like to take the time to say that I've been feeling vulnerable when it comes to queer dating! because obviously, but also because of perceived external judgement from within the community, ow. looked in the mirror my therapist held up for me and saw that I'm much more comfortable with my gender than my sexuality, after being asked to spell it all out. this is, not in terms of definition-- we're solid there-- but praxis. and i think this is because gender is something you can do more fully alone in your bedroom. sexuality is too, but at least people can demand more than your word for it. right? haha

yeah, been falling in love with this unreal image of a gay relationship i have in my head. eye contact and shit, you know. and more 'equal' stuff, including but not limited to a kind of greater understanding and intentional kindness. still really mad about the patriarchy, who would've guessed? bunch of guys were talking with my one man professor, who is great, in class today and i started thinking about barnard, lmao. and i think that's fair--- not that i should be concerning myself with the look of the opposite*, but worth saying, i guess. it's fair to be feeling done! rahhhh (there's obviously so much more going on here re. my anger with men but I will not [yet] divulge to my baby blog) *i.e., worrying about looking like a feminist that's "unfair"

anyway, if i could make a mood board, which i cannot without getting frustrated, for my current passionspace, it would contain the following: lots of soft pinks, purples, and dark grey-blue, the end of "parachute" by caroline polachek {starting at "closing in"} (what a mother figure), splashed puddles of water, this specific capricorn-themed mug with hot tea, 'full surrogacy now', BLÅHAJ, my noise-cancelling headphones, masculine clothing, flowers of the wild variety, tissues, PLL (got such a crush on spencer), the quote "finally there's a way to be both free and safe", 'bottoms' promo art, and other elements to ensure cohesiveness.

so it's almost sweater season, team. i've gotta take my winter stuff out from under my bed-- an event which i'm already planning catering and lighting for. figured out that i'm the type of person that needs to remind themself to light candles, etc. an entailment of the great bath bomb revelation from years past. <- solid me lore

on a similar note of control: craving leadership of late. i want to run shit so bad. god i'd be so good. the dog sits in me, unbarking and chained. looked into theatre production opportunities, ended up feeling that thing i haven't quite found the right way to express yet... degrounded? fucking sucks is what it is. when you go too far up the imagination slide; a kind of altitude sickness. so maybe i won't be doing tech exactly but soon i'll have another full-time job. lol. that'll be cool. hopefully i can make shit happen. feel myself have an effect on the world.

🎶 it's time to be a big girl now 🎶

i wish i could better articulate my current thoughts on "'girl' stuff," especially as its been coming up in the dumb discourse recently... i think i'm too online. well, now I have to go finish typing up my geometry homework in an itsy bitsy coding language I've caught onto-- for extra credit!

the door? the gate? no, just kate 9/18/2023

p.s. god i fucking love caroline polachek's music

#pang #pretty little liars #desire #biggirlsdontcry #autumn #women

[cutehomo]

What I Didn't Know: A Personal Essay by Joe Tanzer

I was 9 when Section 28 was abolished in 2003. It was just after this time that I recall first being taught about penis-in-vagina (PIV), heterosexual, reproductive sex – or, as it was known, ‘sex’. I remember asking my year 6 teacher how you knew when it was over, the deed done, concerned that I would mess up and not produce the required baby.  

There was no suggestion of other options, certainly no mention of sex between men. Though section 28 was no longer on statute books, this continued as I progressed through high school. Science, History, English, Geography, Religious Education; even Art and Drama – all had apparently nothing to teach me about LGBTIQA+ identities and intimacies.  

HIV/AIDS was also never formally mentioned. Although queer communities had been educating themselves on safer sex since 1983, and effective antiretroviral therapy had abated the sense of crisis in 1996, there was a complete silence surrounding the recent epidemic. The history of the disease, and the courage and means by which it was faced, was not being passed on. But as I grew, there were some things, some ‘meanings’ of the AIDS crisis, which I did begin to inherit.  

‘That’s so gay.’ 

‘Are you gay?’ 

‘Don’t touch him, you’ll get AIDS!’ 

Having AIDS in the western world meant that you were gay; being gay meant you had AIDS. There was some complicating factor, in that AIDS was also happening ‘over there’, in Africa. So you could be straight and have AIDS, as long as you were black and poor. At the same time, AIDS in the west was now ‘over’; ‘ongoing AIDS’ was happening somewhere else, with a touch of inevitability, and had nothing to do with us. I understood that something dark had happened to gay men, but it was never acknowledged, and this compounded the general sense that gay men were ill-fated. These notions pervaded my life even once I left high school. After I came out to family, I was told: ‘It’s an unhappy life, to be gay.’ 

This tension between the fear that anyone could become infected, and its casting in moral terms as a ‘gay plague’, permeated the AIDS epidemic from the start. The first concrete evidence of a child being infected through a blood transfusion in the US was published in 1982, so early on in the initial epidemic (1981-1996). In the UK, at least 1200 haemophiliacs were infected in this way, before the screening of blood donations was introduced in 1985. ‘The AIDS innocents’, The Daily Express called them, ‘They have led blameless lives’. This was in contrast to those, of course, who had become infected through certain sexual acts, ‘condemned as producing AIDS’, as John Rechy put it in 1983.  

Another tension of the epidemic was that, although it was a ‘gay’ disease, ‘the button you had to press to get more money was the one labelled ‘everyone is at risk’. This is what the director of the Terrence Higgins Trust found in the UK, where 75% of AIDS cases were gay men. It was the communities most at risk who therefore missed out on targeted care and information. As early as 1985, the majority of New York’s AIDS cases were non-white, and by 1988, this was true of the US as a whole. The disease had started to proliferate down ‘the East Coast corridors of poverty’, heralding ‘the start of the second AIDS epidemic, distinct from the epidemic in gay men’, as Randy Shilts wrote. The appalling apathy of the Reagan and Bush administrations was thus as much about racism as about homophobia. Persons with AIDS (PWAs) were a source of difficulty and embarrassment. Governments dragged their feet. Neighbours were hostile. Deprived of support as equal citizens, nearly all of the help came from the LGBTQ+ and black and brown communities themselves.  

Knowledge of these events is not being passed on. As the AIDS crisis is not considered to have happened to ‘the general population’, it is not in our history classes. Novels and non-fiction works based on this time are considered to be of special interest. It is not being remembered. There is currently no national AIDS memorial in this country, despite a campaign led by Gay Men Fighting AIDS (GMFA). London has no memorial, despite being the epicentre of the UK epidemic, in which 20,000 people died. It is perhaps more likely to have a COVID memorial before it has an HIV/AIDS memorial. 

The more I learn about the epidemic, which had been devastating communities for thirteen years by the time I was born in 1994, the more I cannot believe this vast silence. I think about it through my parents, my grandparents, those who connect me to that time. What were they doing? Were they demanding governmental action? Were they battling the pervasive stigma? It could so easily have been me, dying.  

I wonder if it is fair for me to become angry with them. It is harder to hold someone to account for not doing something. For letting something happen. So much happens every day. ‘As crimes pile up, they become invisible’, Bertholt Brecht said. I imagine people my age, up and down the country, watching It’s A Sin and wondering, what did my parents do?  

There are countless representations of the Second World War. More are created each year: we are oversaturated. The images don’t seem to reference anything that feels real anymore. It’s A Sin, by contrast, is one of a mere handful of mainstream representations of the AIDS crisis. It almost didn’t get made: BBC One and ITV rejected it. Once writer Russel T. Davies had cut it down to five episodes, Channel 4 finally accepted. It seems that the horrific violence of the war is still more palatable than watching gay men have sex, fall in love, and fight for their lives. I wonder why this is.  

I meet young queers now who don’t know what ACT UP is. They know the pain and isolation of homophobia and transphobia, but they do not know the inspiring story of how people like them came together and changed the world. I wonder why and how it is, that the shame is inherited, but not the pride. I wonder why it is still so often the case, that queer people have to leave their homes, find and forge a new community, before they are able to know their own history.  

There is so much of it. A rich reservoir of anger, pride, love and despair. But it is a closeted history: to speak of it feels like a profound effort. And if I am angry about that, to whom do I direct that anger? Those responsible for me may say, as Richie’s Mum does in It’s A Sin, ‘I didn’t know’.  

When we don’t know our history, we feel isolated and become powerless. And it is very painful indeed to realise - later in life - that none of this was necessary, that there were other ways you could have lived your life. Not coincidentally, one of the most empowering moments for me as a queer person came in 2017 as I watched the film 120BPM. It was the first time I saw the AIDS crisis represented, and the first time I saw a queer person angry at the injustice of their situation. I was twenty two.  

Another important moment came when I recently discovered Sarah Schulman’s Gentrification of the Mind. Reading this book was like being hit by a wave. Winded, drenched in new knowledge, I had to reorient myself. I had never experienced such a sense of injustice on behalf of gay men, or such an uncompromising position on queerness. How did Schulman have the confidence to say such things? I had never encountered a piece of writing arguing as if gay men were important, valued people. As if those that died were an unfathomable loss that has consequences for our culture today. Gay sex and gay lives were not to be discussed as I was growing up, and they certainly did not need to be remembered. And in the face of this stigmatisation, to prove Schulman’s point, I counted myself lucky for whatever form of ‘acceptance’ I got. In her book, Schulman writes, provocatively: ‘Where is our special prosecutor appointed by the president to investigate fifteen years of governmental indifference and its product - the global AIDS crisis? Where is our Nuremberg trial?’1 

Derek Jarman is another who wrote his truth bravely, this time from within the midst of the storm (he died in 1994, from AIDS-related diseases). His memoirs have shown me the power we have when we create our own culture, when we describe our own lives. I then found a novel by Lucas Rocha, who takes us to present day Brazil, and explores the impact of HIV in a world where Undetectable = Untransmittable, for those able to access medication. His work is an amazing testament to how far we have come, whilst reminding us of the ever present, pervasive stigma which still surrounds HIV.  

Things are better for me now. I am filled with courage and inspiration, thanks to these artworks. They are part of my found-family - an idea from queer African- and Latin-American ballroom culture. They have been a life-line, a thread connecting me to those who came before me. Now that I’ve found them, I’ll never let them go.  

References: 

Lucas Rocha. 2020. Where We Go From Here. New York: Scholastic USA.  

Sarah Schulman. 2012. The Gentrification of the Mind: Witness to a Lost Imagination. California: University of California Press.  

[goldenpixel]

Alright so I’m really new to the more than one set of pronouns and actually accepting my gender crisis so someone help me out here, what the heck am I feeling right now? Is there a word for it?

Basically the closest thing I think I can describe it as is gender envy, but like, at myself?? I look in the mirror and I’m like “oh I look like a soft 15 year old boy today” and am really really happy, but then I get sad cuz everything about my look today is perfectly boy-y, but then I had to deal with my period and so every time I’m like “oh yay I look like a soft boy” my brain goes “but you’re not though. You’re really really close, but you never will be”

I guess I describe it as gender envy towards myself cuz everything is perfect except for that last bit?

Idk guys, what the heck is this? I’m trying to accept myself but now I’ve gotta deal with all these feelings that I was shoving away and it’s really difficult

#feelings are hard #I’ve never felt these feelings before #please I’m a baby non cis gender #idk what I’m doing or feeling #is there an equal term in this community for baby gay? #I’m just gonna stick with baby non cis gender for now #aj speaks #aj has a gender crisis #not mcyt #lgbt+ #I can’t figure out a label for myself either #I’m not the biggest fan of labels but it makes stuff so much easier #I really like being androgynous #am i nonbinary? #idk #couldn’t tell ya #aj vents

[benevolentbirdgal]

A “brief” reference guide to modern Jewish denominations / Jewish Writing Advice / Jewish Identity / Jewish Reference Guide [graphic at bottom]

Writing a Jew or Jewish family? Aware that Judaism is not a monolith and want to honor that? Great! Need help with that? 100% cool - I’m here as your friendly (virtual) neighborhood Jewish professional to help. Just want to know more about Jewish denominations in comparison to one another? Also great! Fair warning - this is a long one. At least I included a graphic at the bottom?

Quick notes to acknowledge: As always, this is an American and Americanish perspective (and denominations as discussed here are MOSTLY relevant in the U.S. anyways). Additionally, the modern denominations as we think of them today really sprung from Ashkenazi communities in the 19th and 20th centuries. Most extant U.S. synagogues, day schools, and groups follow Ashkenazi customs and align with a denomination born of Ashkenazi tradition (aligning with the approximately 90% of Jewish-Americans who are Ashkenazi or Ashkenazi plus another community). Sephardi, Mizrachi, and other Jewish communities have their own traditions and jurisprudence. Most organized non-Ashkenazi communities in the U.S. identify as nondenominational but most closely compare in practice to orthodoxy, and many non-Ashkenazi Jews (especially outside of major population centers that may have other specific subgroup’s synagogues) are members of and very involved in Ashkenazi-originating movements, institutions, and synagogues. 

For the purpose’s of today’s discussion, we’ll start in the 19th century, because Karaites vs Pharisees vs Sadducees is a (his)story for another time. This also isn’t a history of how these denominations came to be-with the exception of some ultraorthodox groups, which may have sprung from the shtel a little earlier, all the below movements popped out of the nineteenth and twentieth centuries. I’m also going to list approximate percentage of the American Jewish population, and I’m going to (kinda) go in order from most to least strict/traditionally observant. 

Ultraorthodox (aka Haredi): The strictest, more traditional and expansive observance of the Torah, Talmud, and minhagim (customs). About 1% of American Jews are ultraorthodox. Ultraorthodox is not a unified movement. 

1a. Haredi, Satmar, and most other groups generally isolate themselves from the wider Jewish world and secular world.

1b. Chabad is also ultraorthodox, but specially seeks to interact with less observant Jews. I wouldn’t call it proselytizing, because they don’t seek to make gentiles Jewish, but they do try and find less observant Jews and bring them closer to Judaism, also establishes small synagogues around the country and world in isolated place. 

1c. Ultraorthodox are the most visibly Jewish attired group, wearing Kippahs for all men and boys and tichels (headscarves) and/or wigs for married women. Very modest attire for all. In Ashkenazi Ultraorthodox communities, men also tend to only wear black and white, hats in addition to their kippah (for grown and married men), and wearing tzitzit (a garmet with four corners with strings attached worn under a shirt with the threads sticking out). 

1d. Most likely to speak Yiddish or Hebrew as first language.

1e. No gender equality, very strict kosher, and intense community adherence to particular brand of Judaism.

1f. Communities generally led by a Rabbi and a Rebbetzin (Rabbi’s wife) as pair (rabbis are generally expected to be married).

1g. No female Rabbis, same-sex marriage, or intermarriage. Lots of children. Pretty much all boys have Bar Mitzahs, rarely do girls have Bat Mitzvahs. 

1h. Services entirely in Hebrew (except maybe the sermon).

1i. Only count matrilineal Jews and converts-Jewish father and gentile mother doesn’t count for them. 

1j. Very strict observance of prohibitions and commandments pertaining to Shabbat and holidays. 

Modern orthodox: Orthodox, but with some adaptations to modern life. Roughly 9% of American Jews. Also some division within modern orthodoxy (with some congregations being more liberal than others, particularly in regards to women and LGBTQ+ folks), but there are a couple of major organizations that most modox rabbis and congregations affiliate with one another through larger denomination movements (i.e. the Orthodox Union and the Rabbinical Council of America). 

2a. Modern orthodox Jews regularly interact with other Jews who are more liberal. They tend to live in more Jewish communities but no issues with interacting with outside world.

2b. Modest clothing and men wear kippot everywhere (when safe). Married women also usually cover their hair (with wigs or tichels). Men also typically wear tzitzit. 

2b. Gender roles, but progress being made. Handful of female rabbis emerging in 2010s/2020s. Whether women count in a minyan depends on the specific congregation and many modern orthodox shuls will have separate women’s prayer groups. The prevalence of Bat Mitzvahs also varies wildly congregation to congregation.

2c. Like ultraorthodox, communities are typically led by a Rabbi and his wife the Rebbetzin. Some acceptance of homosexual individuals as members of the community, but no same-sex marriage (some alternate ceremonies emerging). Like one out gay male rabbi. No intermarriage.

2d. Very strict adherence to kosher, would likely not eat at someone less kosher’s home.

2e. Usually have on the higher end of a “normal” amount of children. Services entirely in Hebrew (except sermon).

2f. Only count matrilineal Jews and converts-Jewish father and gentile mother doesn’t count for them.

Less traditionally observant than this is often known as “liberal Judaism” - around 90% of American Jews.

2g.  Very strict observance of prohibitions and commandments pertaining to Shabbat and holidays. 

Conservative: Brands itself as middle of the road Jewish movement. about 18% of the American Jewish population. No connection to conservative politics, most Conservative with a C Jews are liberal or moderate politically. Often called “Masorti” outside the U.S and hypothetically a unified movement under several connected organizations (i.e. the Masorti Olami and the Jewish Theological Seminary). 

3a. Gender equality. Female rabbis and LGBTQ rabbis definitely an acceptable thing, but not as common as with Reform or Reconstructionist. 

3b. Formally sanctioned ceremony for same-sex couples to wed under Jewish law since 2012 and affirmation ceremonies since 2006.

3c. Modesty in synagogues but comparable to regular American attire otherwise.

3d. Generally comparable family size to other American families.

3e. Kosher, but not as strict as orthodoxy. Many Conservative Jews have kosher homes but are willing to be more lax when eating out. Synagogues are always kosher.

3f. Services mostly in Hebrew, sermons and some prayers definitely in local language.

3g. Intermarriage is frowned upon, but many otherwise Conservative Jews will be married by a less traditional rabbi or justice of the peace to non-Jewish partners. Although Conservative rabbis do not perform interfaith marriages, many interfaith couples are in Conservative synagogues. In the 90s/2000s it was way less friendly to interfaith couples/families (laughs in having a goyish dad) but that has improved in the past 3-5 years substantially. 

3h. Observance of prohibitions and commandments pertaining to Shabbat and holidays is regulated but less strict than orthodoxy. Varies a bit by community. A good example to illustrate this is getting to synagogue on Shabbat:

By the book (not necessarily reflected by attendees): Orthodoxy says you have to walk there (no driving), Reform says it’s no issue to drive on Shabbat, and Conservative says you can drive but only to get to shul and back. 

3i. As with orthodoxy, only matrilineal Jews count. Most interfaith families with non-Jewish moms (or moms who converted post-birth of the kid), particularly those who want to participate in Conservative communities will convert the child as a baby so they can have a normal Jewish upbringing (beyond an extra blessing/prayer in the Bnai Mitzvah process and social awkwardness that oft accompanies interfaith families in Jewish spaces).

3j. Most dress comparably to others in geographic area (synagogue notwithstanding, see my other post). Men on the higher end of observant might also wear kippahs all the time as well. Outside of explicitly Jewish contexts, similar lifestyles to surrounding populations. Around the same number of children as in gentile families. 

Reform: Not at all traditionally observant. About 35% of American Jews. More or less a cohesive movement linked by organizations (i.e. Women of Reform Judaism and the Union for Reform Judaism).

4a. Reform Judaism is the largest group. It generally views Judaism through the lens of social justice, repairing the world, and cultural heritage as opposed to religious mandate. 

4b. Very big on personal choice in what one observes, I like to call it “choose your own adventure” Judaism. 

4c. Keeping kosher is uncommon. Some shuls aren’t even kosher.

4d. Reform services use the least Hebrew, although this is changing in some places. 

4e. Reform’s standard of Jewishness is 1+ Jewish parent(s) and raised doing Jewish things, regardless of which parent is Jewish. 

4f. Very feminist/egalitarian and welcoming to LGBTQ+ folks. Highest number of not-straight rabbis and female rabbis. 

4g. Intermarriage very common and can be performed by Reform rabbis. 

4h. Reform Judaism was way ahead of the curve in terms of LGBTQ+ rights and religion. The movement has had members advocating for homosexual rights (protection in housing, employment, civil marriage, and other nondiscrimination protections) since 1965 (finally passing formal resolutions in 1977), began proactively including/welcoming out gay rabbis in 1990, created same-gender marriage Jewish ceremonies in 1996/7, and has made resolutions explicitly including bi and trans people as well since 2004 (stuff earlier than that generally specified “gay and lesbian”). An additional resolution was passed in 2015 regarding trans and nonbinary inclusion, alongside guides to help congregations do so. 

4i. See #3j - also applies here. 

Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform, are the biggest and “standard” movements people will most typically list and identify with, most likely to appear in surveys and studies, are older than everything listed below. Modern Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform all started in the 19th century and some Ultraorthodox groups trace back further than that. I’ve outlined some practical differences, but the basic theoretical difference is that Orthodox considers traditional Jewish law (Halacha) binding and you can’t change it, Conservative believes it it’s binding but the community can change it, and Reform believes that it’s nonbinding. 

Some smaller movements: 

Reconstructionist - Newest even remotely well-known and organized movement, founded in the 1920s as an offshoot of the Conservative movement. I would describe it as “build your own adventure but Halacha matters (or at least some of it).” The first thing almost every recon Jew I’ve ever met has told me when describing reconstructionism is that they invented the bat mitzvah in 1922, which basically translates to “tradition matters but also egalitarianism.”

Maybe 2%-5% of American Jews today self-ID as Reconstructionist, but I would argue that a lot of nondenominal practitioners have philosophies fairly aligned with the recon ethos. 

Jewish Renewal: very small and relatively disorganized movement started in the 1960s. Attempts to bring Jewish tradition and modern sensibilities, hippie Jews who care about Halacha. Big on mysticism and music, doing Jewish enthusiastically, and a tendency towards more traditional observance in conjunction with progressive politics. Kind of the laid-back cousin of reconstructionism, although neither sprung from the other. 

(Cultural) Humanistic Judaism: “Non-theistic” Judaism for atheist Jews who still want a connection to their history, culture, and celebrations. 

Nondenominational - Nondenominational and post-denominational Jews are the fast growing group. Variety of liberal/non-traditionally observant beliefs and practices, but most will still contextualize themselves around the denominational scale.

#writeblr #jewish writing advice #jewish writing help #writing jewish characters #writing jewish spaces #jumblr #jewblr #writing advice #ref #reference #jewish ref #jewish reference #jewish denominations #judiasm #another long one still not sorry #info dump

[aggressive-positivity-network]

So I (A white cisgender heterosexual woman who likes pumpkin spice lattes and Animal Crossing, so yeah) grew up in a very, VERY LGBTQ+-phobic household, and that translated into me having basically no knowledge on the LGBTQ+ community. Could you do me a massive favor and just lay out straight the words and phrases and generally help a dumbass out?

Oooh, no problem! And believe me, you aren’t a dumbass. I knew next to nothing for a while, and I grew up in a very supportive household. I just didn’t have the means to learn about it.

Here’s a phrasebook for some common phrases you might hear:

TERF: Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist; they believe that trans women should not be included in their fight for gender equality, and that because trans woman “used to be men” they shouldn’t be allowed in women safe spaces because they might rape someone. Sooo yeah. Keep away from them. They are pretty nasty and misguided. Also known as radfems.

Pansexual: Attracted sexually to anyone of any gender identity.

Panromantic: Attracted romantically to anyone of any gender identity

Bisexual: Attracted sexually to two or more genders.

Biromantic: Attracted romantically to two or more genders

Pan/Bi Discourse: Some people think pansexual and bisexual should become one or the other because they’re very similar to each other, but whether you identify as either of them is a personal choice, and you shouldn’t let anyone dictate your identity - ever. You can even be both at the same time, if you choose to identify that way! Honestly, it isn’t that big of a deal which one you choose, as long as you feel comfortable between them!

Demisexual/Demiromantic: Needs to form a strong emotional bond with someone before pursuing a romantic or sexual relationship. They probably wouldn’t enjoy speed-dating or sleeping with someone they just met. They might not experience sexual attraction for someone unless they knew the person very well.

Asexual: Does not feel sexual attraction for anyone; however, they still might like to have sex, may be neutral about sex, or might even be repulsed by it. Most people confuse this with chastity (not choosing to have sex, usually for religious reasons) or abstinence (choosing not to have sex until married). However, they still might get horny, or want to pleasure themselves. The usual difference is having it with another person. If they see a hot guy, for example, the immediate thought may be, “Wow they’re attractive,” rather than, “Have my babies.”

Aromantic: Does not feel romantic attraction for anyone; this may mean that usual romantic relationships don’t appeal to the person, or that shows of romance (flowers, dates, etc.) doesn’t appeal to them. However, they can still have very strong platonic relationships, and still do enjoy sex, but might not develop crushes or want to go on a date with someone. They might marry platonically, or marry romantically on certain terms.

Grey/Graysexual: Anyone who is in that “gray” space between being asexual and being sexual. They might like the idea of sex, but hate the product. They might have fantasies they’d like to live out in the bedroom, but not actual sex. They might like sex, but under certain conditions. People have their own names for the different facets of graysexuality, but are all under this umbrella.

Grey/Grayromantic: Anyone in that “gray” space between romantic and aromantic. They might like huge shows of romance in novels, but wouldn’t be a fan of it happening to them. They might have a crush on a person, but would never be in a relationship with them, even if asked. Graysexuality also has different names for different facets, but it’s still all under this umbrella.

Queer: Usually used as a temporary or even permanent label for when someone is still trying to figure things out. They know that there is something inside of them that’s different - but they’re not quite sure yet.

Non-binary: People who are neither male nor female, and are outside the gender spectrum. A few have androgynous (gender-neutral) styles or body types, but no matter what they wear or what they look like, they are still non-binary!

Trans: Someone who was born gender, but knows in their heart that they are another. Someone may be born a boy, but always feel like a girl, vice versa, or both genders may change to non-binary, bigender, genderqueer, or genderfluid. Being trans simply means you are making the physical and/or mental transition from one gender or another.

Transmasc: A trans person that presents as masculine, with both clothes and manner.

Transfemme: A trans person that presents as feminine, with both clothes and gender.

Bigender: Someone who identifies as male sometimes and female sometimes.

Genderfluid: Someone who drifts from one end of the binary spectrum (male on one side, female on the other) and may have several sets of pronouns. They may feel more feminine one day, more masculine another, and somewhere in between later that week.

AMAB: Assigned Male At Birth; this has no bearing on current gender identity, but it’s medically useful and can help trans people talk about themselves before they transition.

AFAB: Assigned Female At Birth; this has no bearing on current gender identity, but it’s medically useful and can help trans people talk about themselves before they transition.

Two-Spirit: A Native American who identifies as the traditional third gender, with both a masculine and a feminine spirit inside of them. It’s a pretty new term, and not all Indigenous people choose to label themselves or others that way.

Femme: A woman who dresses and acts in a traditionally feminine way.

Butch: A woman who dresses and acts in a traditionally masculine way.

Beard: Describes a partner in a relationship that exists for the purpose of keeping someone’s true sexual attraction status a secret. A gay man might have a relationship with a woman, who would be considered his beard.

Queerplatonic Relationship: A relationship that is a mixture of the traditional platonic relationship and the traditional romantic relationship. People included in this relationship can raise children and own a house together, but most likely won’t participate in sexual and/or romantic activities.

Polyamorous Relationship: A relationship that includes three or more people at any given time. This may look like a couple having an open relationship, where they can date others as they please, or it may be a set few people that stay together. Two people can be attracted to one other person, three people can all be attracted to each other, two couples can have sexual or romantic relations with each other’s partner - there are infinite combinations, and, as long as it’s healthy, they’re all valid!

I hope this helps! This is not an exhaustive list, but these are pretty much the basics and a little bit more. If you have any specific term you’d like me to define, I’d be more than happy to! Also, if I got any wrong, please feel free to correct me, and I’ll edit the post as soon as I can!

Also, who’s your favorite Animal Crossing character? I like Blathers a lot! Nerds and professors have my entire heart.

#lgbtpeople #lgbtq rights #lgbtq positivity #lgbtq+ #lgbtqiia+ #lgbt representation #lgbtq community #lgbtq #lgbtqplus #send asks #send anons #lovely anons

[somethingimworkingon]

Zanele Muholi, Tate Modern

Walking into the Zanele Muholi exhibition at Tate Modern is like discovering another country.

In 2017 Muholi’s ongoing self-portrait series, Somnyama Ngonyama/Hail the Dark Lioness, was exhibited in London’s Autograph Gallery. In press reviews and posters on the tube that autumn, the images were unmissable and unmistakeable: stark black and white photographs of an impassive face crowned with Brillo pads or clothes pegs, festooned with vacuum cleaner hoses. At the time, Autograph wrote, the artist: “uses her body as a canvas to confront the politics of race and representation… Gazing defiantly at the camera, Muholi challenges the viewer’s perceptions while firmly asserting her cultural identity on her own terms: black, female, queer, African.”

Fast forward to 2020, and Tate Modern’s major Zanele Muholi exhibition. Visiting hours at the museum flicker in and out of existence as we navigate COVID lockdowns – now you can come! No, wait, sorry, you can’t. Try rebooking for a month’s time.

When I finally squeaked in, in early December, I expected more Dark Lionesses. I had a vague idea that Zanele Muholi was a bit like a South African Cindy Sherman.

I was wrong.

This exhibition shows the breadth of Muholi’s practice, of which the self-portraits are just one strand. The range and energy of the work is astounding. Especially given that in 2012 their studio was burgled and five years of work on hard drives was stolen.

Another mental adjustment: Muholi’s pronouns are they/them/theirs.

Born in Umlazi, South Africa, in 1972, at the height of Apartheid, Zanele’s father died when they were a baby and their mother, Bester, a domestic worker, had to leave her eight children for employment in a white household. Zanele was brought up by extended family. They started working as a hairdresser, then studied photography at Market Photo Workshop in Johannesburg, graduating in 2003, and going on to be awarded their MFA in Documentary Media from Ryerson University in Toronto in 2009.

On returning to South Africa they started to document the lives of the LGBTQI+ community.

Aftermath (2004)

The exhibition opens with a group of deceptively gentle images. In the first, Aftermath (2004), a torso is cropped from waist to knees, hands modestly clasped in front of Jockey shorts, a huge scar running down the person’s right leg almost like a piece of body art. In another, Ordeal (2003), hands wring out a cloth in an enamel basin of water placed on a floor. A third image shows a cropped, seated figure, again waist to thighs, hands folded in their lap, plastic hospital ties around their wrists. These pictures have a softness and beauty which completely belies the fact that their subjects are all survivors of sexual violence and “corrective rape”.

As the caption to the last picture, Hate crime survivor I, Case number (2004) explains, “Corrective rape is a term used to describe a hate crime in which a person is raped because of their perceived sexual orientation or gender identity. The intended consequence of such acts is to enforce heterosexuality and gender conformity.” This horrific practice is by no means unique to South Africa, but the term seems to have originated there – feminist activist Bernedette Muthien used it during an interview with Human Rights Watch in 2001 – and its effects on the community resonate throughout this exhibition.

Ordeal (2003)

They don’t, however, dominate. While the exhibition starts by showing the evils of intolerance of gender nonconformity, Muholi goes on to reclaim, elevate and celebrate that same nonconformity.

With Being (2006 – ongoing) we move on to photographs of naked bodies entwined – again tightly cropped, again soft black and white, but now without outside interference. They are sensual, personal, and owned. A series of portraits of two female lovers, Katlego Mashiloane and Nosipho Lavuta (2007) switches to colour and full figures. The couple sit entwined, laughing: they kiss, and bathe side by side standing in an enamel basin, in a warm, defiant echo of the scene in Ordeal (2003) across the room.

Katlego Mashiloane and Nosipho Lavuta, Ext.2, Lakeside, Johannesburg (2007)

The series Brave Beauties, started in 2014, is “a series of portraits of trans women, gender non-conforming and non-binary people. Many of them are also beauty pageant contestants.” The queer beauty pageant is many things: a celebration – and redefinition – of beauty, a declaration of independence by contestants, a challenge to “heteronormative and white supremacist cultures,” and an attempt, as Muholi puts it, “to change mind-sets in the communities [the contestants] live in, the same communities where they are most likely to be harassed or worse.”

Melissa Mbambo, Durban, South Beach (2017). Melissa Mbambo is a trans woman and beauty queen, Miss Gay South Africa 2017

Roxy Msizi Dlamini, Parktown, Johannesburg (2018)

Akeelah Gwala, Durban (2020)

These portraits are made collaboratively, Muholi and the subjects choosing clothing, location and poses together. Some of them, like the picture of Roxy Msizi Dlamini (2018) have the quality of a classic glamorous studio shot. Others, like Akeeleh Gwala, Durban (2020), posing in a bikini against a scruffy brick wall in what seems to be a deserted brick alleyway, are a reminder of the vulnerability of the subject. Akeelah Gwala’s “Testimony” in the exhibition catalogue says: “I am 24 years old. I am a transgender woman. Growing up was very difficult because your parents think this is a boy… I was raped when I was 16 years old…” The rapist, a well-known pastor, threatened Akeelah’s family, forcing them out of their home. Akeelah refers to Muholi as “Sir Muholi” and says, “I have taken part in several beauty pageants. I perform because as a Brave Beauty, it is important to be visible and make others know about us and respect us as human beings.”

Miss Lesbian I-VII, Amsterdam (2009)

The theme of beauty pageants also features in the series of self-portraits Miss Lesbian I-VII, Amsterdam (2009), where Muholi casts themself as a beauty queen, an early identification with the wider community prefiguring Brave Beauties. The 2009 series brings together several of Muholi’s themes: the beauty pageant and the fashion/fashion magazine world; who gets to perform and who gets to watch; who gets to choose what beauty means? And, as an aside that may sound trivial but isn’t, kitchen utensils as headgear.

As the exhibition unfolds, we discover other projects. Muholi describes themselves as a visual activist, and they have a large network of collaborators, including the collective Inkanyiso (“Light” or “Illuminate” in isiZulu), a non-profit organisation focused on queer visual activism. We see images documenting marches and protests, weddings and funerals, and “After Tears” – gatherings held after burials to celebrate the life of the lost loved one.

Nathi Dlamini at the After Tears of Muntu Masombuka’s funeral, KwaThema, Springs, Johannesburg (2014)

Death is a constant presence in Muholi’s community and work. The largest space in this exhibition is given to Faces and Phases (2006 – ongoing), a collection of portraits – 500, and counting. The images “celebrate, commemorate and archive the lives of Black lesbians, transgender and gender non-conforming individuals.” People appear more than once. Some spots on the walls are empty, marking a portrait yet to be taken or a participant no longer there. One wall is dedicated to those who have passed away.

Not only is this a powerful and moving project, it’s an extraordinarily beautiful set of pictures. As are the last works in the show, the series that started in 2012: Somnyama Ngonyama, Hail the Dark Lioness.

In this work, Muholi has darkened their skin and whitened their eyes, and composed the picture in the manner of a classical, perfectly-lit studio portrait, posing with found objects as “costume” – a footstool as a helmet, say. There is so much to unpick in these images – references to colonialism, Apartheid, to the politics of race and representation, to femininity and “women’s work”.  Muholi presents us with a kaleidoscope of views of injustice, equal parts beautiful and brutal. The photographs were created in different parts of the world, at different times, combining what could almost be witty accessorising with intense cultural and political commentary.

Quinso, The Sails, Durban (2019)

The intellectual focus of every picture is slightly different. Zamile, KwaThema (2016) shows Muholi draped in a striped blanket, as used in South African prisons during Apartheid. In Quinso, The Sails, Durban (2019) Muholi’s hair is adorned with silvery Afro combs, a symbol of African and African diaspora cultural pride. In Nolwazi II, Nuoro, Italy (2015) their hair is stuffed with pens – a reference to the “pencil test” whereby, under Apartheid, if a pencil pushed into a person’s hair fell out they were “classified as white”.

Nolwazi II, Nuoro, Italy (2015)

As mentioned above, Muholi calls themselves a visual activist rather than an artist – though galleries, like Tate Modern, might beg to disagree. Walking through this exhibition, I came away with the impression that their work is on the intersection of art and documentary photography – but also that everything is documentary: everything is story telling, and bearing witness, and the place where “documenting the community” and “expressing oneself as an artist” is continually blurred.

Maybe it’s not just like discovering a new country: maybe Zanele Muholi is showing us a whole new world.

Zanele Muholi is at Tate Modern until May 31, 2021

#zanele muholi #tate modern

[robotslenderman]

Someone on Reddit was asking why labels were important and I went into a whole goddamn essay because my Vyvanse is kicking in.

TLDR - Labels are important for communication. Without communication, we are isolated. Sexuality is so fundamental to our experiences as human beings that being able to describe those experiences succinctly can mean the difference between feeling isolated and feeling connected. Also sneering at ace people for microlabels dismisses the asexual experience as so unimportant that we SHOULDN'T be able to describe our exact experience of it, when discussing asexuality often requires these labels because of how varied and complicated the asexual experience is.

I've been waffling on the fence about microlabels but I've decided that no, microlabels aren't overthinking it, for the reasons I discuss below. In the past I've reblogged things saying that microlabels are about isolation instead of connection, that further dividing our sexuality into smaller and smaller boxes creates increasingly exclusive clubs.

I no longer believe that. I believe it does the opposite. I believe that being in touch with your sexuality just as much as you need to helps you connect to others even outside your microlabel, not just within it, because then it makes it clearer to everyone involved what experiences you have in common and makes it easier to set aside the ones you don't.

You don't understand how important labels are until you've struggled without one. It's human nature to use language to describe our experiences, and when we don't have the language to do so it is stressful and isolating. Because language is how we connect to other people, so when we can't use easy language to summarise our experiences, it becomes isolating.

My personal experience - I struggled with my asexuality for years, even before I began to realise that I was asexual. Even once I started letting myself admit it, I didn't feel that the word "asexual" was enough. Sure, I could explain to people "I'm asexual and don't want to have sex, but I love sex in theory and in novels and I love reading about romance and daydreaming about them, but don't want a relationship." That's a very specific type of asexuality that people don't think of when they hear "asexual". People hear "asexual" and think "doesn't like sex."

But people use labels because others don't want to stick around and listen to your dissertation on what your sexuality actually is, they want bite sized information as soon as possible and sometimes YOU want to describe who you are without spending a ton of time explaining it. It's not just because I want to understand myself, it's because I want other people to, too, and labels is how we communicate. It's the fundamentals of how language works. Labels are so important that they consist of two entire grammatical categories - adjectives and nouns.

So when I found out about aegosexuality? I was like "oh thank god, I'm not a broken asexual, I'm this specific TYPE of asexual."

Most people haven't heard of aegosexuality. I used to actually roll my eyes at microlabels like that, thinking it was needlessly self absorbed and pretentious. But now I get it. Now I have the ABILITY to summarise my experiences in one word, and it turns out that having that ability to use language efficiently to describe myself has brought me quite a significant amount of peace. Because when I tell people I'm asexual, they often have a certain idea in their heads of what asexuality is, and I don't fit under most of that. Many asexuals don't, because asexuality is the most complicated sexuality there is.

But god is it fucking exhausting to say "I'm asexual" and then have to hold a fucking Q and A session about how I'm asexual and yes, I really am asexual even though I'm not adhering to someone else's idea of what asexuality is. By knowing I'm aegosexual, I can say, "oh, you're thinking of X type of asexuality, which is when you experience Y. I'm aegosexual, which means that I still get horny and love sex in fiction, but I don't personally want to experience it, unlike X type of sexuality which doesn't like sex at ALL."

And then people get it! They don't get "I'm asexual, but different." That just makes them think I'm not actually asexual, or that I'm an allo in denial who needs therapy to be "fixed". They get "I'm asexual, but this specific type of asexuality that has a name." People respond to names. People respond to labels. They GET labels, even ones they haven't heard of, even ones they roll their eyes at because they think we're over thinking it because they assume that because their sexuality is so fucking simple, everyone else's must be too.

I still tell people I'm asexual because a lot of the time my type of asexuality isn't actually important. Actually, most of the time I tell them I'm queer and leave it vague because queer is a wonderful umbrella word and my sexuality isn't anyone's business. For me, "queer" is often enough because it communicates that my experience isn't a straight one, and that's usually all people need to know.

But having that label just on *hand* that describes my experiences, and having the option to use it to people who do know what it means, and being able to hand it to people who are lost like I used to be lost -

That's powerful. It's important. It *matters*.

It's not like needing a label for yourself because you prefer pineapple on pizza, this is sexuality, this is the kind of thing that makes or breaks your experiences with other human beings. When you're straight your sexuality is so simple and easy that you don't even need to think about it. You're straight. That's easy. And as homosexuality becomes more accepted I'm seeing baby gays start to take that attitude as well because they're gay and as homosexuality becomes less stigmatised, it's allowed to become more simple.

But other sexualities don't have that luxury.

Bisexuality and pansexuality are more complicated because often people experience a split attraction model, or they don't have equal attraction to different genders and they're not fully comfortable describing themselves as bi or pan because again, people hear "bisexual" or "pansexual" and assume that you experience the same amount of attraction to different genders and it's important to be able to communicate to people that no, you don't. The whole point of using a word is so that the other people understand you - if they don't understand the word, they don't understand YOU. So I think bisexuality and pansexuality is also a spectrum in that there's different types of both depending on how your attraction works, and that it would help bi and pan people to have more specific words - using bisexual and pansexual as an umbrella term much like queer and asexual - to allow them to better communicate their experiences.

And asexuality is, I think, the most complicated sexuality of all. It's based not just on who you're attracted to, like other sexualities, but if you're attracted at ALL. No other sexuality has a footnote attached of "but this one likes sex" or "this one doesn't like sex" or "this one is indifferent to sex". Even bisexuality and pansexuality don't. It also has the contradictory feature of involving some level of attraction - demisexuals and grey aces experience attraction! Just only under specific circumstances. The split attraction model is also much more significant; whereas some bisexual people are explicitly homo- or heteroromantic, many asexuals are not aromantic, and many aromantic people are not asexual. This is far more common with us.

It's also the ONLY sexuality where the split attraction communities are actively hostile to each other. Aromantic people have lately been slinging a lot of shit at asexual people because in their need to be told apart from us (I say "us" even though I'm aromantic myself because I'm also asexual), some have gone to the extreme of showing outright hostility to asexual people and show offence for being associated with us at all. When I thought that I was bi, for example, I NEVER saw this kind of shit between homoromantic bis, heteroromantic bis and biromantic bis. Only the asexual and aromantic community has this hostility.

I respect that aros don't want people to mistake them for asexual people and that's important for the same reasons I've been discussing in this entire essay, but here I'm referring to outright hostility aimed AT asexuals because of other people's failures to understand them. "Aromanticism isn't the same as asexuality" is not hostility. Treating asexual people like garbage - or even aroace people because they dare to exist as asexual AND aromantic - is hostility. This hostility is rising.

So asexuality is deeply complicated, and when you have completed concepts, you need simple labels to communicate that. And frankly - allos don't fucking get it. Bi and pan people do to a certain level, but their sexuality, while more complicated than being gay or straight, is still not as complicated as asexuality. That's not a bad thing, having a more complicated sexuality doesn't make us superior, nor is complication the same thing as depth. Other sexualities are not shallow for lacking the same level of complication, nor should they be taken less seriously.

But it does mean each sexuality has nuance to it that you can't understand without being that sexuality, and it's vital not to fall into the same trap straight people do that your experience of sexuality applies to everyone else, of assuming that because your sexuality isn't complicated to you that it must be the same for everyone else or we're overthinking it. And it's important for us to be able to succinctly sum up our sexuality so that we can share our experiences.

People who've never faced that don't understand how important it is to feel connected to people by being able to efficiently describe yourself. To use language is to connect, to use language and labels is to communicate. Without that, it's an isolating experience, simply because people do not fucking want to hear you bring out a PowerPoint presentation to talk about yourself when they just want one word. And when you're talking about something that defines your human experience, that makes your ability to communicate it THE difference between being isolated and disconnected, and feeling human.

Having different levels of labels helps, too. Sure, I'm aegosexual, but even if most people knew what that meant, most of the time it's completely fucking irrelevant. Most of the time all I need to do is say I'm queer - because I'm communicating that my experience isn't a straight one (or a cis one, if you're queer because of your gender). Sometimes I need to say I'm aroace, or just asexual, because that's what the conversation calls for. It's only when discussing asexuality itself that I actually need to say I'm aegosexual - but that's important, too.

Discussion of asexuality is no less important than being able to say I'm ace, or that I'm queer, and a lot of allos think that distinguishing yourself from straight people is important, that distinguishing yourself from non straight people is important, but asexuality itself is so unimportant that we're not allowed to distinguish ourselves among each other. And that's just another form of aphobia. It doesn't mean that we're going "ew, we're not THOSE asexuals" like I've been seeing in the arosexual community lately, it's being able to say "this is my experience of asexuality, so I'm viewing our discussion through THIS lens, whereas you might not."

And it's so fucking typical that allos think that that shouldn't be important to us. I regret ever thinking the same.

At the end of the day, we need language. It describes our experiences, and without being able to describe those experiences, we are isolated. We need language and labels to connect.

#Dusty has opinions #I need to stop talking on the internet when my Vyvanse kicks in #I just don't fucking stop

[nightswithkookmin]

Hi I just want to ask something. Do you think Jungkook has been always like/love Jimin the way he is before or just when he started to glow up. I'm just asking this bc you know Jungkook has been always rank Jimin last on looks or said he look different without makeup before. I know he didn't meant harm to Jimin but do you think Jimin has been trying to look good and go on extreme diet to be loved by Jungkook or Jungkook has been always trying to hide his feelings for him but act tough

Huh?...

What an interesting question....

For a moment there I thought I had already discussed this in my blog posts? Chileee.

Now you'd have to specify which period in time you consider a glow up point for Jimin. Do you mean the period of 2014/15 when he was starving himself, passing out on stage and bleeding through his nose to stay anorexic? *Side eyeing you.

To me, Jimin's 'glow up' coincided with their debut in 2013. Those fine abs, sculpted muscles yet soft toned feminized features- sorry Jimin, you weren't fooling no one.

This was also the period I noticed JK showing overt signs of sexual and emotional attraction towards Jimin. Jimin just seemed oblivious to it. And he would begin his own whipped journey around 2015/16 in my opinion.

Personally, I believe JK fell first for Jimin and 'turned' him- turned for lack of a better word. I don't buy into this whole Jimin fell first JK fell harder rhetoric.

But I think JK's interest in Jimin began long before this period. I don't think Jk had fully grasped the concept of his own sexuality much less to have come to terms with it in any time before 2012- before Jimin arrived in Bangtan- ok maybe he had a vague idea of it, but I do believe Jimin was his sexual and romantic awakening.

Jk and Jimin have two very distinct and opposite idol personas. I keep saying this.

Since we don't know them in person, I think it's safe to assume every aspect of them we experience on screen is a persona.

That persona is a facade, a curated wall on which they project bits and pieces of their true self and often put up a performance of this identity for our consumption.

In Jk's persona, he likes to retract and conceal aspects of his true personality and censor himself a lot while JM likes to amplify and exaggerate his true personality and put up a performance of it.

As I've said, it's mainly due to their backgrounds. JK was given a lot of leeway in his upbringing which he feels puts him at a disadvantage because he ends up exposing himself too much. Thus he likes to retract and hold himself back.

Jimin coming from a conservative background with many rules and what not revels in the new found freedom Idol life gives him so often he doesn't hold back as much as JK does. But that doesn't mean that who they really are in real life.

So often you'd hear people say Jimin looks more serious in person than he does on camera while JK is said to be more expressive than he usually is on camera.

But here is the thing, concealing his feelings is not JK's nature it's his choice. And this is very important to note. He chooses not to do certain things on camera while Jimin chooses to do certain things on camera.

So when JK is not showing his feelings for Jimin it's not because he can't show those feelings, it's more like he doesn't want to show those feelings.

Thus when people say he wasn't showing his feelings for Jimin because he was shy I raise my brows- Shy my ass. Lol

Was he acting tough then? Hmmmm. He likes to act tough no two ways about that. I've said he has a good poker face between him and Jimin. If you are not careful you might think he doesn't like Jimin. But trust me, that man is whipped on god.

But I don't think that's what he was doing in those early dynamics.

I think he was hesitant in pursuing Jimin openly at the time because he wasn't sure about Jimin's sexual orientation much less whether or not Jimin reciprocated the feelings he had for him.

And you could tell not knowing these about Jimin terrified JK a lot, hence his hesitation.

But later when he was certain of both he became more confident in the way he expressed himself and his feelings for Jimin.

Prior to this you could see him fishing and testing the waters with Jimin, slowly pushing Jimin's boundaries- a gentle touch here, a lingering stare there.

He would often pay attention to the things Jimin would say but especially about his romantic and sexual preferences. Like when Tae said he felt Jimin liked men and when Jimin was asked about why he liked JK and JK seemed like he wanted to know.

Then he went through that phase where he seemed obsessed with Jimin's reaction to when other guys sexualised him and expressed interest in him. He seemed very attentive to these little details in a way that seemed to me as if he was fishing for confirmation that Jimin actually liked men and liked him- in a nonplatonic manner.

I feel Jimin noticed these things too in JK but was mostly fascinated by it. So often he would go out of his way to express his sexuality, exaggerate it and perform it as if to let JK know he was ok with JK liking him in that kind of way. Often, you'd see him egging JK on to touch him where JK seemed hesitant, reassuring JK- I think y'all know the bit I'm talking about. I feel JM wanted JK to feel comfortable expressing his interest in him- he ain't slick.

I've said Jimin's persona is a performance. I can see how to JK that could be very confusing. Hell, half of the fandom still read Jimin wrong to this day. Is he gay, bi, straight, a woman, a man, bigender- it's a lot of questions. Legitimate questions.

And I think for JK, seeing Jimin behave like the rest of BTS with the skinship towards him was equally confusing. So often he would shy away from it. Jk was going through puberty, everything was heightened for him.

It's also important to consider the possibility that, if JK was LGBTQ plus that he was going to hide it and not come out to his bandmates for as long as he worked with them- because it's none of their business first and foremost but also because it would have affected their attitudes towards him.

I mean look at the fear and panic with which they greet Jikook when Jikook breath anywhere near eachother in public spaces- not to call them out or anything but I don't think if they were straight that they were going to treat them same. I mean Taejin is as wild as Jikook but.... sigh.

So then going on to catch feelings for one of such said band mates who gives off queer vibes, he had better be sure about him before coming out to him and confessing to him lest he risked his career and friendship with him.

If Jimin wasn't LGBTQ plus it would have been cruel of him to act the way he does with JK honestly. For instance Joking about marriage knowing full well the fight LGBTG plus couple have to put up to have this basic human right- of course JK would yeet himself out of that conversation. I'm talking about that Jikook Vlive and all the time JK has squeezed his face disgruntledly when Jimin has asked him to have his kids- like why Jimin!

Jimin I feel because he is Bi whatever doesn't take this gay business seriously at all. If you've ever dated a bisexual you'd know the feeling. He is my bias and I love him but God he frustrates me for Jk honestly.

What annoys me most is I know how deep he is into JK. Like I've never seen a man so in love with another man in my entire queer life! Like shut up whippidy whipped ass we saw your face at Manila. You like that man. You like him.

Let JK put up a front and you'll see this tactless homegirl descending into that space we all hate so much and embarrassing himself left right left clinging on to JK seeking validation and reassurance- like can you be serious in your life for once Park Jimin. 😒

Anywho, I went off on a tangent there. Sorry.

But yes, this is another aspect of their dynamic I feel most people get twisted. Jimin enjoys JK's expressions of interest in him- however way he does it. Jk enjoys it too when Jimin shows him he wants him. Remember magic shop? Show me, I'll show you? And that line JK sang to Jimin that made Jimin nervous on Live with VMin? Yea...

They love each other and they love when the other is showing and expressing their love. Hell, isn't that why they are constantly trying to find creative ways to communicate their love? 5/8, love letters punctuated with sorries? Chileee.

Could Jimin's look be a contributing factor to JK liking him? Let me put it this way. People are attracted to people for a plethora of reasons, physical appearance being one of them.

Looks attract people, emotional connection binds them and make them stay. I have said this time and again JK is attracted to all of Jimin-looks, everything. When asked which part of of Jimin he liked most he put all of Jimin as the answer.

With regards to JM's weight, I think the tears he shed on stage during the performance of I Need You says it all. Jimin was killing himself and it was killing JK. Jimin wasn't doing all that out of self love much less for the love of JK.

He was doing all that because he wanted to be an Idol in every sense of the word. He was killing himself for his career. A career JK was once willing to walk away from and JM advised him to stay.

Jk defies the dictates of his career with the piercings and tattoos and gay pubs- the emphasis is mine. Y'all think he is about to be demanding of his life partner to look like what now? Chileee.

And when JK was starving himself and losing weight who was it that brought him down that ledge? Jimin. If it was a positive thing I thing he would have encouraged him.

Jk allegedly called Jimin his Mochi in that infamous graduation night track video. Did you see his reaction to when James Corden called Jimin Mochi? Baby fat cheeked Jimin was cute not ugly. And even if you think he was, JK still found that attractive. Jimin could be looking like my Aunt Becky and Jk would still fuck him.

Have you seen JK freeze frame to take snapshot photos of Jimin? It's almost always pictures of Jimin looking like the wicked witch of the west. He loves him some park Jimin memes. Loves that man to death.

How many times have he said Jimin looks beautiful without makeup? Remember the Vlive Jimin didn't want to be on camera because he didn't have makeup on? What did JK say?

Jk isn't a shallow person you know. He really isn't. He doesn't strike me as the kind at all. Questions like these presupposes that JK is a vain shallow person who only likes people for their looks. Don't get me wrong, it's a valid question, one that I'm happy to discuss but it also exposes the biases against JK and indirectly, Jimin.

Do you feel JK is shallow? I find a lot of people do and it breaks my heart.

Have you heard any of his songs? His GCFs?

He barely idolizes his subject matter's looks and appearances. You gave me the best of you, so I'll give you the best of me. What I found in you is real. That's doesn't sound shallow to me.

They work in a highly competitive and highly vainglorious environment. I think they know more than anything the dangers of vanity- it's fleeting. They put themselves through so much to appease the vanity matrics, to subject people they love through the same.

I've talked about how because JM comes from a demanding home and work environment that acceptance is one key aspect of his love language. He wants a person who loves him for who he is and accepts him without placing expectations on him.

If JK was this shallow JM wouldn't honestly have found him attractive much less love him to begin with. He wouldn't have found fulfillment and nourishment from JK. He loves JK because JK's values and upbringing makes him the perfect person for him to trust himself fully to.

Besides, for JK to be only attracted to JM because he glowed up, he himself must have been a ten from the onset which he wasn't let's be honest- no shade to him but he wasn't exactly packing now was he?

BTS are pretty but they've all undergone hefty transformations throughout the years, magic foreheads and all. So if you wonder if Jimin's glow up contributes to JK liking him, then you'd have to wonder if Jk glowing up also contributed to Jimin finding him attractive- it's a vicious cycle.

As for JK ranking Jimin last... did he ever rank himself first? No. He ranked Jimin last and himself second to last consistently. If he found Jimin unattractive he certainly found himself as equally unattractive only one step above Jimin.

I honestly think he was just teasing Jimin. He loves teasing Jimin because it's how he flirts with him. It's just the masculine energy in him I guess. V does this too when he flirts with Jimin. He teases him about his pinky, his Mochi cheeks and his glow up- Iland anyone?

Why y'all think JK looked away sharp when JM dropped to the floor?? He recognized what V was doing- don't mind me. I'm trolling. Lol. But deadass.

Jimin teases JK too by acting like he is available most times. It's the feminine energy in him. Girls like to tease their crush by amplifying their sex appeal. What better way to amp up your sex appeal than by having other people show interest in you? Jimin is a tease. Bless him.

Besides, when JK ranked Jimin first in looks he ranked himself last. I hope y'all don't think it's because he has low self esteem?

He ranked himself and Jimin last because he wanted to humble himself and by extension Jimin because he sees himself as Jimin's equal and as such recognizes their place as the youngest within the group. As he has explained, as the youngest, he places everyone else above him.

I honestly don't think Jungkook had always been interested in Jimin. But somewhere along the line while he came to terms with his own sexuality he began developing feelings for Jimin. His glow up had nothing to do with it. In my opinion.

I think Jimin caught him off guard? It's that red string serendipity destiny voodoo working its magic that orchestrating their love. In my opinion.

I don't think either of Jikook went searching for this love thingy either as I keep saying. It wasn't planned, it wasn't foreseen, it just happened to both of them but at a different pace.

I hope this helps?

Signed,

GOLDY

#jikook #jikook theories #kookmin analysis #kookmin #kookmintheories #jikook analysis #jikook scenarios #jikooktheories #Ask response #ask goldy #GOLDY #nightswithkookmin

[marastriker]

The red caboose for the ask game?

I didn't know which number you wanted so I just did them all 🤷

1) CB doesn't necessarily see anything about himself to be proud of. He's content with his acting ability and being able to keep his lifestyle of crashing trains under the wraps so well. But it's not something he would brag about to others, unless, of course, they attempted to undermine him.

2) At first, he really wants to please Greaseball when the diesel is paying him to rig races in his favor (not always with money. Sometimes with sexual favors.) He thinks that, perhaps, if he can get Greaseball to reigning champion, GB would maybe give him more of the time of day. Maybe see him as more than just a tool. It's a foolish endeavor, of course, since Greaseball has eyes for a certain dining car instead. CB can't bring himself to be angry or resentful, because Dinah is his best friend and she also genuinely likes him. He just feels like a forgotten third wheel. I think he finds new purpose in helping Electra rather than Greaseball, though. And even if Electra treats him as more of an equal, he still doesn't want to let them down. 

3) I guess the funny thing about being the token errand boy is that many engines depend on him. It gives him a feeling of power that he knows he can't misuse, but he does have his own fun in knowing that he could ruin everything at the drop of a pin if he wanted to. 

4) Come to terms with it. Very quickly. He would actually probably shut himself away from the world and wait for it to happen, or maybe try to accelerate the process. If Electra was in his life at this point, they would probably encourage CB to live life to the fullest in the meantime. It would take a lot of convincing though. 

5) His Chessie System sticker/tattoo (I see them as tattoos, personally). His mother was an original Chessie yellow caboose and it reminds him of her.

6) CB has gotten so used to being on his own for so long, but he'd be lying to himself if he didn't wish his parents were still alive. Things could have turned out so differently. 

7) Electra or Dinah. They're the ones he's closest to.

8) If CB had the money, he would dish it out on a fancy red convertible. But he's just fine rolling himself where he needs to get, or if not, public transportation is just fine. 

9) Someone playing with his hair, massaging/scratching his scalp. It's like a damn reset button, it immediately puts him at bay. He only trusts a select few with this information though. 

10) He simply lives with it. End of story. He never wants to be seen as weak or vulnerable to anyone and has learned to bottle up all his problems so no one will know just how broken he really is. 

11) His neckerchief is especially important to him. It was the last piece of his old baby blanket, and he still likes to keep it close. It's a comfort thing. 

12) How doesn't he sleep? He moves around so much that he's fallen off the bed multiple times in his sleep. It doesn't wake him up, because he is a very heavy sleeper. But he needs to be a special kind of tired to stay still during sleep.

13) Someone who would vow to make sure nothing would ever get in the way of them having a normal childhood. He's not going to make them go through the same bullshit he did, no one deserves that. 

14) CB was one of those students who didn't do any of the homework and goofed off in class (typical class clown, of course.) But he would ace the tests, quizzes. Teachers thought he was just cheating, and asked him questions out of the blue during class. All of which he got correct. He's not stupid, by any means, in fact he's a genius. He just doesn't feel the need to do homework over stuff he already knows. 

15) Something crisp and clean once he can afford it. Perhaps he might also use body sprays traditionally marketed toward women, but he likes the fruity scents. 

16) It's actually quite confusing, after trying to date Dinah, he assumed he was gay after not being as attracted to her sexually. Sexual stuff with other men turned out to be much more enjoyable. But in actuality, he's probably Pan, since he doesn't mind Electra being genderfluid. 

17) I have this idea that he's actually really into Disney movies so I imagine him and Dinah would have fun doing some Disney duets. Love is an Open Door, A Whole New World, etc. But in the way that Sharpay and Ryan always played the romantic leads in High School Musical - just because they're comfy with each other, not because they're in love. 

18) He's a very bendy lad. He has some mad contortionist/acrobatic skills that he casually shows off. Totally didn't think it was special or interesting until others pointed it out though. He's just like what? You can't put your leg behind your head? 

19) CB is someone who despite being able to hold his own and take care of himself, desperately wants someone to be there for him. That's why he feels safest with Electra. Electra is someone who thankfully sees him for who he really is and fiercely loves him despite his flaws. 

20) Washing dishes. He hates touching wet food, it's a sensory issue. That might be one of the only things that could get him to easily vomit.

21) The first Christmas he could remember when his parents were still alive was when he got his first kid's radio set. It really fueled his love for radio communication and he appreciated it greatly since he knew his family was always tight on money. He can clearly remember the happy look on his mom's face when he opened the present. 

22) Foolishly. He will pour hundreds into his hobbies and interests but not on stuff he actually needs to survive like food. Or even proper bed sheets. He thinks it's completely justified, because he thinks life isn't worth it if you can't do something you enjoy. 

23) Don't get me wrong, CB is very much a lightweight, but he likes his blackout nasty liquor. He will do shots of basically anything you give him. Though if he had a choice of drink, it would be a fruity concoction that's sure to get him wasted ASAP. 

24) He's always longed to rise above his station. Racing is something he truly enjoys and wishes he could be an engine like Greaseball or Electra. Unfortunately, that's just something that's not possible. Crashing trains aside, he loves the feeling of the wind in his hair as he's speeding down the track. It's when he feels the most free. 

25) Others would probably prefer that he didn't crash trains, but it's not like he cares. That's not something that's worth changing about himself in his mind. He wonders if people actually got to know the real him they would understand what he wants out of life better. But it's always difficult for him to trust someone enough to be that vulnerable with.

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