#it was in my draft for a month and was chewing on me so yeah.. i finally posted it 'shrugs' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

redrose10 · 2 months

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Part 1

Here is part 1 of this new story that I’m working on. I was going to post it as one big chapter, but I’ve received feedback that multiple chapters are preferred so that’s the route I went. I really hope that everyone likes it! This first part is very very angsty.

Inn Keeper Yoongi x Female Author Reader

Summary: You have never experienced true love which is hilarious considering you write romance novels for a living. When you end up staying at The Interlude Inn located in Holly Falls you start to wonder if maybe the answer to your newest love story is sitting behind the welcome desk. Quickly, you find out that Min Yoongi hides a lot of pain and sorrow behind his shy smiles and quick glances.

Warnings: (may get updated) Swearing, character death, very very angsty for a while, mentions of physical and verbal abuse, bullying, a really mean letter, panic attacks, eventual light smut, eventual fluff

Word Count: 9,602

Tag List: @viankiss

You slunk down in your office chair hanging your head low. Your boss had just chewed you out after you presented her with a draft of your newest novel that you had thought you were just about finished with, but it appears you were going to have to start from the beginning.

“I’m guessing it didn’t go as well as you thought it would?”, your best friend and coworker, Nari responded.

“She said that it’s not believable and that I need to use my own personal experiences as inspiration. I can’t keep writing the same story over and over just changing the names and location. The reader will be able to connect with it more if it’s from experience. I have two months to send her the new story or I’m on unpaid leave until I submit something worth publishing. It’s such bullshit.”, you huffed.

“I mean she kind of has a point. Anyone can put a bunch of words down on a piece of paper, but unless there is real feeling behind it then those words won’t get far.”

You rolled your eyes, “Seriously? You too? And what personal experience should I use?”

“Y/N you’ve been in relationships before. Just use one of them or a combination of all of them.”

“Oh yeah, should I go with the one who cheated on me or the one who ghosted me after he got me in his bed, or the one that would loose his temper at the smallest thing I did to upset him? I’ve never had a good relationship experience.”, you chuckle self deprecatingly.

“Hey Y/N, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to rub it in like that. Maybe try writing something else. Not every story has to be about a relationship, good or bad.”

Running your hands over your face you sighed, “I just don’t know what to do any more. I feel so burnt out and unmotivated. I don’t think I could come up with another story if I wanted to.”

“Why don’t you take a break? You know, get out of town for a while. I’m sure our boss won’t mind, especially if it gets you to clear your head and write something decent.”

Pondering this theory for a minute you began to think she might be on to something.

“Where would I go though? I can’t really afford to travel far and I don’t want to be too distracted that I can’t get anything done.”

After some silence Nari jumped up, “Oh I’ve got the perfect place. It’s just a four hour flight out to the countryside. A little town called, Holly Falls. My sister and her fiancé stayed there several months ago.”

Thinking it over a little it sounded like a good idea. After some begging and promising your boss that you were going to get work done while on the trip she agreed.

Once you arrived at the airport you really wished you’d done a little more research about Holly Falls. After some digging and a conversation with a very outgoing Uber Driver you found out that eleven months out of the year the town is very low key and relaxed, but for one month it is a tourist hotspot thanks to the insane amount of blooming cherry blossom trees. According to your new Uber friend, people come to Holly Falls during this month to see the fields of trees blooming in all their glory. The normally quiet town embraces the crowds providing various festivals and parades and gimmicks to draw in the guests as well as their wallets. And of course you just happen to travel over there smack dab in the middle of it all.

The driver dropped you off in the middle of the fun so with your bag slung over your shoulder you started heading into different hotels trying to book a room. In the city you could walk into pretty much any hotel at any time and book a room. You had assumed it would be same in this small town so you had decided to wait to book a room until you could see them in person wanting to get the feel and make sure you chose the right fit. You imagine in any other month it would be much easier to obtain a place to stay here, but due to the large tourist presence every single hotel was completely booked for the entire month.

You were just about ready to give up and head to the airport to see about booking a flight home when an older gentleman came up to you carrying various handmade trinkets for sale.

“See anything you like miss? All of these are under $10.”, he asked.

Politely you smiled, “No thank you. Not right now.”

You thought he had left until you saw him dangling a hand painted sun catcher in front of you. The design a beautiful beautiful cherry blossom. Trying to bite your tongue and not snap at the elderly man you again shook your head. “Here have it for free. You seem to need a little cheering up.”, he smiled.

Reaching up you grabbed the delicate glass from him, “Thank you. I really appreciate it. I’m sorry if I came off rude. I’m just really stressed out right now.”

“Didn’t know about the cherry blossom season and now you can’t find a place to stay?”, he asked. “How did you know?”, you replied wide eyed. The elderly man chuckled while taking a seat next to you, “There’s always at least one person that gets stuck here with nowhere to stay because they didn’t know how crazy things can get around here this time of the year.”

“Mmh yeah that would be me this year. I need somewhere to stay for a couple weeks or I’m going to have to head back home.” “You know there might be somewhere that still has a room available. It’s just outside all of the hubbub. About ten miles just over that hill. If you get to Taehyung’s Strawberry Farm then you’ve gone too far.”, he said pointing in the opposite direction of the festivities. “Really? You think they’d have a room? I wonder why they wouldn’t be booked like every other place.”

The gentleman stood up from the bench you were both on, “Its worth a shot. It’s a little farther away from all the action than people like to be. Plus the owners are a little on the unique side.”

You were concerned at this statement. The last thing you wanted to do was end up being the story line of a true crime documentary.

He continued, “They are very nice people. A young man and his grandmother. They just tend to be very secluded and to themselves. It’s called Interlude Inn. You can’t miss it.”

You thanked him for the information and watched as he walked into a large group of people trying to sell the rest of his merchandise. Placing the delicate sun catcher in your bag you ordered another Uber to take you over to the inn. A familiar vehicle quickly pulled up in front of you with the same talkative man from earlier. You wondered how there weren’t any other drivers available, but you smiled as you slid in the back seat anyways.

“Leaving so soon?”, he asked.

You chuckled, “No I just need to find somewhere else to stay. Can you please take me to The Interlude Inn?” Suddenly the man stopped, turning to look back at you.

“Miss you don’t want to stay there. Surely there’s somewhere else around here you can stay.”

“Every hotel is completely booked. If this inn doesn’t have a room then I’ll have to just go home.”

He sighed, “Alright miss. If you insist.”

He began the drive to your location. His words about finding somewhere else stuck in your mind.

“Sir?”

“Yes Miss”

“What you said earlier. What is so bad about this inn?”

“Well, the grandma, I think her name is Mae, is very sweet. She’s done the best she can with what she had. But that Min boy, he’s a little odd.”

“Ohhh…Like serial killer odd?”

The man chuckled, “No not that kind of odd. He’s just very quiet and keeps to himself, but he is polite. He’s never seemed to have any friends and I doubt he’s ever had any kind of relationship. He comes into town only a few times a year, mostly when his grandmother needs something. He doesn’t acknowledge anyone, even when they speak to him directly. People usually only stay at the inn as a last resort during this busy season.”

From what you’re hearing he seemed like just a quiet introverted person who loves his grandma. You weren’t sure why everyone seemed so leery of him.

The car pulled up infront of the inn. The large wooden sign out front verified you were indeed at The Interlude Inn. Thanking your driver you grabbed your bag and made your way up to the entrance.

The Inn looked cozy and welcoming. It was smaller than you had imagined. There couldn’t be more than three or four rooms. Off to the side you noticed a little garden with various plants starting to bloom.

On the door hung a welcome sign adorned with hand painted lady bugs and butterflies. Turning the handle you gently pushed in the door being greeted by a heavenly aroma making your stomach grumble. The entrance room which also doubled as a living room had two couches, one on either side of a coffee table. A television hung on the wall above a fireplace. In the corner was a small desk which you assume would be where you could request a room.

Walking over you noticed a younger man crouching down so he was eye level with one of the drawers. He appeared to be about your age, mid to late twenties. Black hair with a slight curl to it hung over his forehead. Beautiful cat like eyes and his soft lips formed into a deep pout. You wanted so badly to reach over and squeeze his chubby cheeks, but you knew that was a weirdness you didn’t want to invoke. He was fidgeting with a drawer that seemed to be stuck and you could here the argument he was having in soft whispers,

“Come on you stupid thing.”

“It shouldn’t be this difficult.”

“Please, I just need a pen and then I’ll leave you alone for the rest of the day.”

You chuckled hearing him begging the drawer to cooperate. Reaching into your bag you grabbed one of your spare pens and set it on the desk, “Here I have a pen you could use.”

The young man let out a sudden squeal after you startled him. He jumped backwards and landed on his behind with a loud thud.

“Oh no I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I thought you had heard me come in.”, you apologized feeling terrible.

The poor guy sat on the ground trying to collect himself before bringing himself back to a standing position. That’s when you noticed his cheeks were a bright shade of red, making you want to squeeze them even more. The man didn’t say a word. His eyes were barely able to focus on you, instead they would move around the room before returning to you for just a second before he’d quickly look elsewhere.

“Ahh this must be the Min boy the driver was talking about?”, you thought to yourself. They weren’t kidding when they said he was quiet and reserved.

“Hi, I’m sorry again for scaring you. I was just wondering if you had a room I could rent for a couple weeks.”

The man just continued looking around the room.

“It’s okay if you don’t have any available. It was just recommended for me to come up here for a room since all the others are booked.”

Again silence. You were about to ask if he was okay when a door off to the left swung open and a very sweet looking elderly woman came walking out. She must be the grandmother that was mentioned. She was covered in flour so you assumed that’s where the heavenly smell was coming from.

“Yoongi dear did you get that pen yet? I need to label the jars of blueberry jam.”, she spoke. When she noticed you she jumped slightly, but not in a scared kind of way. More like an oh no how long have you been standing there while my grandson stares at you kind of way.

“Oh hi sweety, how can we help you?”, she asked. Her grandson, that you now knew was named Yoongi, was still standing off to the side. You had to intently stare at his chest to make sure he was still breathing because you were honestly getting very concerned for him.

“Yes ma’am, I was wondering if you had any available rooms that I could rent for the next couple of weeks?”

She smiled while pulling out an old and beat up note book to take down your info. You liked the old school feel. It was much different than the digital kingdom of the city where you lived.

“Of course dear. Did you need one bed or two?”

“Just one will be fine.”

“Okay and you said two weeks?”

“Yes please.”

“No problem. Just fill out your name and address here. Payment will be due at the end of your stay when you check out.”

Quickly you wrote down all the requested information before handing the book back over. You couldn’t help but notice that Yoongi still hadn’t moved, but his cheeks were still a bright shade of pink so you knew he was at least breathing.

The grandma spoke again, “Thank you so much dear. My name is Mae, but you can call me grandma, granny, halmeoni, MaeMae, just don’t call me late for dinner.”

Even though you’ve heard that joke countless times you still laughed. Something about this sweet woman warmed your heart.

She continued, “This is my grandson Yoongi. He can help you with your bags and show you to your room. You’re more than welcome to join us for dinner. It should be ready in about twenty minutes or so.”

You thanked her profusely and watched as she walked back into the kitchen. Yoongi walked around the desk without making eye contact. He reached for your bag that was currently sitting on the ground and you noticed a shake to his hand due to his nerves.

“Uh uh um y-you c-can follow me.”, he spoke before walking down the long hallway. He opened the door to small cozy room. A window sat overlooking the garden. A bed adorned with a lilac colored quilt sat against the wall. There was a dresser available for storage and a desk off to the side. It was perfect.

Yoongi laid your bag down at the foot of the bed. You wanted to ask him if he needed to lie down based on how terrified he looked. Instead you opted to try and get him to speak to you at all.

“Hi Yoongi, I’m Y/N. It’s really nice to meet you.”

You stuck your hand out offering a hand shake. It was getting awkward waiting for him to return the gesture, but just before you were going to dejectedly pull your hand back he reached up and took your hand in his.

With his cheeks back to bright red he quickly bowed and walked out of the room closing the door behind him.

Since dinner was going to be ready soon you opted to just lay in bed enjoying the comfort after a long day of travel. When Mae called you for dinner you entered the dining room surprised to only see her and Yoongi sat at the table.

“Am I the only guest?”, you asked suddenly feeling out of place.

“Yes dear, but don’t worry. We are so happy to have you here.”, she smiled pulling out a chair for you.

You nodded taking the offered seat while she filled up your bowl with some beef soup.

“So Y/N, what brings you to Holly Falls? I’m assuming it’s the cherry blossoms.”, she asked.

“Oh no I just needed to take a little vacation and clear my head. Having some work problems. My friend recommended this town to me. I didn’t even know about the cherry blossoms until I got here.”

“Well you’re going to love it here. There’s no more of a relaxing place.”

You smiled and accepted the second helping of soup. The two of you kept the conversation going talking about this and that. Yoongi never said a word. Out of the corner of your eye you noticed him sneaking little glances in your direction before quickly turning his head but you chose to ignore it, not wanting to embarrass him.

After dinner you offered to help clean up the kitchen which was greatly appreciated. Mae sent Yoongi out to the garden to collect some chamomile to make tea. As she rinsed off the dishes you would take them and dry them before putting them in their respective spots.

“Thank you for being gentle with Yoongi.”, she spoke breaking the silence.

You weren’t quite sure what she meant by that and apparently your face showed it because she continued,

“He really is such a caring and sweet young man. He’s just been hurt so many times and he’s so afraid of letting someone in for fear of it happening again. I worry what will happen to him when I’m no longer here. I don’t want him to be alone. He deserves the world and I hope that one day he finds someone that will give it to him.”

You wanted to ask questions, but felt it wasn’t a good idea to pry when you’ve only known this family for a few hours.

“He seems very sweet. I’d love to get to know him more.”, you responded.

“Oh please do. Go slow, but I think if you keep at it he just might open up to you. As soon as you went to your room he came to me and said you seemed like a very genuine person.”

You felt your cheeks heat up at the thought.

“Do you know if he has any interests or anything? Maybe something I could ask him about.”

She lightly chuckled, “Well he loves music. He has these notebooks that he’s always writing lyrics in, but he has never let anyone look at them. He likes basketball. He was really good when he was younger, but he doesn’t play it much any more. Oh! And you’d never guess it but he likes to knit. He’d be furious if he ever found out I told you that so you didn’t hear that one from me.”

You nodded in agreement before putting the final plate away just as Yoongi returned with the requested chamomile. He shyly smiled at you before nervously running out of the room. After enjoying a cup of tea you said goodnight and made your way back to your room for the evening.

The following morning you cranklily padded to the dining area. Mornings were not your thing. Thankfully you were greeted with the smell of coffee and fresh baked bread. Mae was nowhere to be seen, but Yoongi was standing at the counter chopping some vegetables for what you presumed was an omelet based on all the ingredients in front of him. You stood in the doorway thankful that he hadn’t noticed you yet as it gave you a chance again to admired his features. You smiled at how the tip of his tongue poked out in concentration as he focused on chopping an onion.

Silently you walked up next to him and smiled, “Anything I can help with?” The poor thing nearly jumped two feet in the air also letting the knife slip which sliced the tip of his thumb. When you saw the small amount of blood coming to the surface you panicked.

“Oh my goodness I am so sorry Yoongi. I didn’t mean to scare you like that. What was I thinking?”, you said grabbing his hand and pulling him over to the sink. He hadn’t said a word.

After thoroughly washing the cut and using a paper towel to dry it you asked if there were any bandaids. Shyly he pointed underneath the sink and you found a first aid kit.

“Okay this might sting a little.”, you said applying the disinfectant. You felt awful when you saw his body flinch. After the cut was securely wrapped in a bandaid you began apologizing again, “I’m so sorry Yoongi. This is not how I intended for this to go. Are you going to be okay? Does it hurt still? Is there anything I can do?”

For the first time since you arrived you saw a full blown smile on his face. He shook his head, “N-No thank you. I think I’ll be okay.”

“Well let me help you prepare breakfast. It’s the least I can do.”

After some hesitation he agreed so you cleaned up the work station and got a new cutting board before you got to work chopping the rest of the vegetables. When breakfast was over and you had helped clean up you decided to go back to your room for a while and try to get some work done. Unfortunately things weren’t going that great. You were still struggling to put together a decent storyline and after two hours of staring at your laptop you decided to give up and take a break.

Peaking out the window you noticed Yoongi working in the garden. He looked adorable in his overalls and dark green sweater. A matching green beanie on to give a little more warmth. You wondered if he had knit it himself. You grabbed your jacket and decided to head outside for some fresh air.

Not wanting a repeat from the morning you loudly made your presence known as to not startle him again. Only when you were sure that he had noticed you did you decided to say something.

“What are you working on?”, you asked crouching down next to him.

He whispered something that you couldn’t quite catch. You noticed the redness intensifying in his cheeks too. He was just so incredibly cute.

“What kind of seeds are these?”

“Oh they are um cabbage and um radish seeds.”, he said without looking up from the dirt.

“Hmmm I know nothing about gardening, but isn’t it still too cold to plant these? I always thought it needed to be hot for seeds to grow.”

“S-Some s-seeds can grow when it’s colder out. Then we’ll h-harvest them and p-plant the rest.”

“Ahhh I see. I never even knew that was possible. What else are you planting?”

Did you care about gardening or seeds or soil quality? No absolutely not. But this was the most Yoongi has spoken to you so you rattled off question after question and made odd comments here and there just to get him to keep talking. By the time you were done his face was beet red and his hands were shaking quite a bit more than earlier. You were starting to feel bad and like you were pushing him past his breaking point so you wanted to give him some space.

Standing up and brushing the dirt off your knees you said, “Well it’s gotten quite chilly out. I’m gonna head inside. Thank you for teaching me so much. Maybe one day I’ll have a garden and you could come see it for yourself.”

He nodded without looking up at you and you took that as his way of saying goodbye. Once inside you found a smiling Mae standing in the kitchen.

She handed you hot bowl of leftover soup for lunch and sat at the table next to you.

“You know, that’s the longest I’ve ever seen him converse with someone other than me in a long long time. Normally he’d just get up and walk away without saying a word.”

The thought of asking about Yoongi’s past crossed your mind again, but you pushed it aside still not feeling that it was the right time.

The next couple days followed a similar path. You’d wake up, help Yoongi make breakfast, try to work for a little, and then you’d go find Yoongi and try to talk to him and get him to open up to you. He never said much but he’d nod or say a word here or there to let you know he was listening. Mae would always be amazed at how well Yoongi responded to you. After a while you’d give him some space and then join the two of dinner followed by tea and then you’d head off to bed.

On the fifth day you decided to go out and explore a little. You ended up at Taehyung’s Strawberry farm which was just up the road from the Inn. Taehyung or Tae as he told you to call him was a very kind and outgoing guy. The farm had been passed down in his family for six generations. He gave you a tour of the entire farm and introduced you to his farmhands/friends Jin, Hoseok, Namjoon, and Jungkook. Jin was in charge of harvesting the strawberries and also coming up with new items to sell at the onsite bakery. Hoseok or Hobi as he was called was in charge of maintenance of the crops, things like making sure they got enough water but not too much water and pruning the plants where necessary. Namjoon was the bookkeeper. He kept track of orders and anything numbers related. Jungkook was the youngest of the four. According to Tae, he was the muscle of the group and would do various things around the farm that involved a lot of physical strength.

They all seemed like very sweet gentleman and made you feel very welcome from the start.

“So what brings you all the way out here? Most people try to stay closer to the main town this time of year.”, Jin asked setting a strawberry cream puff in front of you.

“I wasn’t able to get a room in town so I’m staying at The Interlude Inn.”

“I see. With Mae and Yoongi? How are they doing? I’ve been meaning to stop by and drop off a strawberry pie for them.”

“They seem to being doing well. They’ve been so hospitable.”

“Even Yoongi?”, Jungkook said taking a seat next to you. You noticed a hint of a chuckle in his question.

“Yes even Yoongi. He’s on the quiet side, but I think he’s starting to warm up to me a little bit.”

“Wow he must really like you then. I’ve been trying to get him to open up for years.”, Taehyung said walking over.

“What do you mean?”, you asked confused as to why everyone always seems to think he’s some cold jerk.

He continued, “We’ve just been trying to get him to hang out with us for the last few years. I’ve offered him multiple jobs around here. We’ve invited him over for dinner or to go get drinks in town. Namjoon tried to set him up on a date with his sister. He just always turns and walks away without saying a word. We’ve kind of just given up.”

“Oh yeah I guess maybe I’m just special then.”, you said before taking another bite of the cream puff.

It was pretty late by the time you had gotten back to the inn. Jin had given you a ride back as it looked like there was an early spring thunderstorm about to hit. When you walked inside you set the strawberry pie on the counter. Mae had already gone to sleep, but Yoongi was sitting in the common area watching a basketball game. He looked so cozy wrapped up in a hoodie that was a little too big for him and a fluffy fleece blanket on his lap. Now that you thought about it he was always dressed very warmly. Sweatshirts, sweaters, or multiple layers all with long sleeves. You’ve never seen any skin other than his hands and neck and face. It was on the chilly side being that it was barely the beginning of the spring, but nothing that you thought warranted that kind of clothing constantly. It was odd to you, but nothing you wanted to question him about right now because maybe it was just a comfort thing for him you thought. Instead you walked over to the couch making your presence known so that you didn’t startle him.

“Mind if I join you?”, you asked. Silently he scooted over to make room and you took that as a yes. You watched the game for a few minutes trying to come up with something to say, but you really didn’t know much about basketball or sports in general.

“Is that Michael Jordan?”, you asked after the camera followed a player who had just scored a basket.

Yoongi’s eyebrows furrowed as he shook his head.

“Lebron James?”

He shakes his head.

“Steph Curry?”

Again another head shake.

You chuckled, “Well those are the only basketball players I know so I give up.”

Out of the corner of your eye you saw the slightest smile from on his lips which you took as encouragement to continue.

“Oh so did he just score a touchdown?”, you asked. In reality you knew that was a completely different sport, but you were hoping that somehow this would get a little engagement on his part.

You looked at him expectantly noticing his cheeks heat up under your stare.

“Umm n-no that was a free throw, not a touchdown.”

“Hmm and a free throw is worth one or two points?”

“It’s w-worth one point.”

You didn’t want to over stress him out so you decided to give him some quiet and stop with the questions for a while.

The referee in the game blew his whistle and started making a bunch of hand gestures. You were about to lean over and ask about it when a bright flash of light shown through the windows followed by a loud clap of thunder. The floor beneath your feet seemed to shake from the force. Another flash of light lit up the room and some more thunder hit making even you jump a little.

“Wow that’s some storm.”, you said looking over at Yoongi only to be met with nothing.

“Yoongi?”, you question looking around the room wondering how he was able to get up and run so fast.

After standing up from the couch and walking towards the kitchen to see if maybe he had went in there you saw the fleece blanket he was holding earlier leaning up against the back of the couch and thanks to the added light from another lightning strike you noticed that the blanket was also covering a lump. Getting closer you saw little tufts of black hair poking out. Gently you reached and pulled the blanket down slightly. You could feel your heart breaking seeing him like this. Curled up in a ball with his hands over his ears and tears on his cheeks.

“Yoongi it’s okay. It’s just a thunderstorm.”, you said trying to soothe him. When your words didn’t seem to help you went to reach for his hand feeling him tense at your touch.

“No please don’t hurt me. Please.”, he cried out making you recoil. “Yoongi it’s Y/N. I’m not going to hurt you. Just let me get you to be-.” You felt a hand on your should and found Mae looking down at you with a sad expression on her face. She bent down the best she could in her old age to get his attention and when he finally recognized her the tension seemed to leave his body, at least momentarily until another crack of thunder rang through the air.

Mae helped him up off the ground and you’d stayed m back watching as she helped him down the hall, his legs shaking ever so slightly. Just before they entered his room Mae turned to you and pointed towards the kitchen. You took the hint and went to get a couple cups of tea ready.

After about fifteen minutes she returned and took a seat next to you thanking you for the tea.

“I’m sorry you had to see that.”, she sighed.

“No I just, I don’t, I…”, you couldn’t find the words. You knew it was slightly odd for a grown adult to be that petrified of a thunderstorm, but you knew there must be a reason. Judging by Mae’s reaction this seemed to be a common occurrence. You just didn’t know how to move forward without sounding rude.

“Mae, please forgive me if this comes off to forward or harsh, but has some thing happened to Yoongi in his past?”

She took a sip of tea before getting more comfortable in the chair and nodding her head.

“Yes dear. Yoongi, my sweet sweet Yoongi, has been through a lot. More than any person should have to especially at his young age. You see Yoongi’s father left a few weeks after he was born. Yoongi was born too early and was very small and sickly. His father didn’t want any part of his life. My daughter did the best she could with Yoongi. I helped whenever I could as well. She was such a loving mother. When Yoongi was about two years old she married a man who I didn’t necessarily approve of, but there was nothing I could do. She was an adult and she seemed happy. He quickly moved my daughter and Yoongi to the other side of the country. I only got to see them a couple times year. I started to have suspicions that something was wrong when Yoongi was four years old. I went to visit and noticed that my daughter and Yoongi both had old bruises. When I questioned it my daughter claimed that she tripped while carrying him and fell down some stairs. Then when Yoongi was six he told me how he had heard his mom and stepdad in their bedroom making lots of noise. His mom was yelling and there were loud bangs, but he couldn’t hear what she was saying. I questioned her once again and she said that her and her husband must’ve just gotten too loud while in bed together and that she’d remind him in the future that they needed to be quieter. I wasn’t completely convinced, but I had no other proof.”

Mae took a long breath clear that this was hard for her to recall and you were starting to feel guilty for even asking.

She continued on, “When Yoongi was about seven his mom got very sick and unfortunately passed away. I tried to visit him more, but as time went on his step dad cut me off more and more. I tried getting a court involved, but he was considered his legal guardian and without any significant proof there was nothing they could do. So I tried to do what I could. Over time I noticed a change in Yoongi. He was sadder, seemed more down on himself. I rarely ever saw that smile that used to melt my heart. He was having a hard time at school. The friends he had stopped hanging out with him. Then one day when he was around thirteen he said something back to his stepdad and his stepdad beat him so badly the neighbors ended up calling the police because of the noise.”

She stopped to take a shaky breath. Tears forming in her eyes. You hadn’t even noticed that you had started biting your bottom lip trying to stop your own tears from falling until the subtle taste of blood hit your tongue.

Once again she continued, “Thankfully his stepfather was arrested that night and eventually sentenced to forty five years in prison, but it was already too late and the damage was done. When I got to the hospital that night they started showing me different x-rays and scans and going over Yoongi’s injuries. It was worse than I had ever thought. There were old fractures that hadn’t healed correctly. Scars both fresh and old covered his body from where his stepfather would beat him with a tree branch or use his skin to put out his cigarettes. He had torn his shoulder at one point and because it was never properly taken care of he’s always in pain, even to this day. He had surgery to correct it, but it only helped a little. I cried in the hospital. He was released after a week and came to live here with me. I was taking him to therapy a couple times a week and he seemed to be getting on the right track. He was smiling more and getting a little more talkative. I had enrolled him in the high school here and he made a couple friends. I knew there’d always be a part of him that struggled, but I thought that maybe he was going to be able to move past all of this for the most part and go on to have a happy healthy life. When he was in his second to last year of high school there was going to be a big dance and after some convincing he asked a girl to go with him as a date and she said yes. So I got him a brand new suit and the day of the dance we went and picked out a beautiful bouquet of flowers. I offered to drive him, but he didn’t want to be embarrassed by his grandma driving him around, you know how teenagers are. So I watched him walk out the door.”

Mae took a moment to composer herself by staring out the kitchen window. You in no way wanted to rush her.

She took another sip and then went on, “I was in the kitchen a little while later when I heard the front door swing open and slam back shut. I thought it was much too early for Yoongi to be home already and assumed it must be some guests so I cleaned myself up real quick and walked out to greet them, but instead…instead I found Yoongi with tears streaming down his cheeks and then I noticed his suit was covered in brightly colored paint. He still had the bouquet of flowers in his hand except they were now all damaged and dirty. He refused to tell me what happened and ran off to his room. Monday morning I went to the school and apparently the girl and some of her friends, including her actual date, were all waiting for Yoongi to show up at the school. When he got there they all poured cans of paint onto him and called him a freak and a monster. I was told that one of the other boys saw Yoongi’s scars when they were changing for gym class and started making fun of him for it. This girl had no intention of actually going to the dance with him and told him he was ugly and would never be loved because of the way he looked. I tried to have all of those kids reprimanded, but Yoongi refused to cooperate so the school said their hands were tied. He begged me to take him out of school and homeschool him instead which I did, but he’s been pretty much to himself ever since.”

By this point you were full on balling your eyes out. You hadn’t known him for very long, but you could just tell that he was such a sweet gentle person. You didn’t think there could possibly be any thing else that Mae could tell you, but she cleared her throat and went on,

“Honestly, I think the worst thing that ever happened to him was the letter he received from his biological father on his twenty first birthday. I actually still have the letter. I’ve been holding onto it because I think it would be beneficial for Yoongi to be the one to destroy it, but I don’t know how to bring it up to him.”

She slid the letter across the table to you. Shakily you opened it up and immediately noticed the tear smudged ink and you took a deep breath trying to compose yourself before diving in,

“To Yoongi,

You most likely have no idea who I am, but I am your biological father. I left not long after you were born and if my calculations are correct you should be twenty one years old today. You were born early, somehow I’m certain that was your mothers fault even though the doctors said it was not. Anyways, you were born very small and sick. The doctors did not know if you would make it and to be honest I spent most of the time hoping that you wouldn’t. I did not want the burden of having a son, especially a first born, that was weak and useless. I gave your mother an ultimatum, either abandon you and we will move on and have a child that will prosper and do well in life or she can keep you and I will leave. Obviously you see what she chose. I heard that your mother has passed away since then. She was an ignorant woman anyways, wasting her time with a child like you. I told her that you weren’t worth the time which has been proven by the fact that you still live with your grandmother working at that stupid inn. You’ll never be anything more than that. I don’t really know the point of this letter any more. I guess I’m just a little drunk and wanted to get this off my chest after all of these years. Yoongi, I do wish you well. Truly I do because I know deep down that you’ll never achieve it. With regret, Your Father.”

You don’t know at what point you went from crying to blood boiling anger, but it happened.

“What the actual fuck!”, you shouted slamming the letter down on the table. “Sorry, excuse my language.”, you said towards Mae suddenly feeling bad about your outburst. She chuckled, “Don’t worry dear. I said much much worse when I read that letter.”

You continued, “Seriously? Who does something like that? And to their own child on top of it? You walked out of his life let him be. That letter was completely unnecessary. I swear I’m gonna hunt him down and kill him myself.”

Mae shook her head, “No need Y/N. After he dropped the letter off at the post office he drunkingly crashed his car into a tree. Killed him instantly. Unfortunately though, Yoongi never really recovered from this letter. He’s been very reserved and depressed ever since. He’s refused therapy or any help that I offer. I’ve tried for many years to get him to make friends or find a partner or just get out of the house and experience life. I won’t be here forever and I want him to find someone and just be happy for the rest of his time.”

While you would normally never wish harm on anyone it did bring you some joy knowing that his father was no longer around and could never hurt Yoongi again.

“Y/N, I’m sorry to drop all of this on you, but I thought you should get an explanation for what you saw earlier and why he is the way that he is. Yoongi can be kind of jumpy around loud noises and sudden movements and things like that. Please don’t run away from him. I’ve seen him smile more in the week you’ve been here than he has in months. He just sees something in you. I can tell. Call it grandmas intuition if you will. I know you’ll soon have to go back home, but I’m really hoping that maybe you’ll keep in touch with him. No pressure of course. I wouldn’t blame you for not doing it, but I just really think you could be a big positive in his life.”, she said before walking her mug over to the sink.

“Thank you for telling me all of this. I’m sure it was difficult to recount everything.”, you said almost in a whisper. She smiled before laying a hand on your shoulder, “Get some rest Y/N. I’m gonna head off to bed myself. These old bones are tired.”

As you laid in bed you could still hear the faint rumblings of thunder from miles away. You wondered what Yoongi was doing. You hoped he was peacefully sleeping in his bed, but you knew most like that wasn’t the case. It pained your heart to think about what he’d been through. No one deserved to ever have those things happen to them and you decided in that moment that you were going to try and help him. You yourself felt the connection that Mae keeps talking about and you were starting think that maybe things do happen for a reason.

The following morning when you woke up your body felt sore from the stress you experienced. Your first reaction was to go and find Yoongi, but you also knew that he was most likely going to feel embarrassed about what had happened the night before so you opted to take a seat at the desk and try to get some work done. After about an hour and only a couple paragraphs written the smell of bacon started to fill the air and the sound of your stomach grumbling in hunger followed not long after. In the kitchen you found Mae at the stove tending to the bacon. “Would you like some coffee Y/N?”, she smiled. You nodded happily taking the cup from her. Yoongi was already sitting at the table peeling some carrots and potatoes for what you assumed would become part of dinner later. You tried your best to act causally as you took a seat a chair away from him to give him some space.

Mae walked over and set a plate of eggs down in the middle of the table along with the bacon. After Yoongi cleared the vegetables that he was working on the three of you began eating your breakfast.

Mae peaked over at you and with a sly grin she began, “Y/N, thank you for bringing that strawberry pie from Taehyung’s last night. I already snuck a piece as I just couldn’t help myself.”

“Oh you’re very welcome. It did look delicious.”, you replied waiting to see where she was going with this.

“I’m going to make them a big pot of pork stew. It’ll be a good hearty meal for them while they work on the farm. I was thinking that maybe you and Yoongi could take it over to them when it’s finished.”

Now you get it. It was an easy yes for you. You really did like all of the boys from the farm and it would be a chance to spend a little time with Yoongi, but you couldn’t help but notice how red his cheeks had gotten once again and his shoulders visibly tensed. You weren’t going to force him by any means.

“Uh yeah sure that’s no problem for me. I can go alone though if Yoongi doesn’t want to go.”

“Yoongi would you be okay taking some stuff over to the farm with Y/N? For me please.”, Mae asked placing her hand on top of his.

“Okay.”, he whispered with his eyes focused on his lap.

A few hours later your little cart was packed up with a large pot of the stew and some fresh bread and jam. You and Yoongi headed off towards the farm. The first half of the walk was silent other than a few birds or rustle of leaves here or there.

“I’m sorry about last night. If I had known it was going to storm I would’ve stayed in my room to not disturb you.”, he spoke startling you out of your thoughts.

“Yoongi you don’t have to be sorry. And please don’t ever hide who you are from anyone. If they can’t handle who you are then they don’t deserve you in their life.”

He nodded in understanding pulling on his ear. A nervous habit of his. Feeling a little brave you reached for his hand to give it a light squeeze. He jumped slightly, but for a few seconds he let you hold him before removing his touch from yours. You were going to take that as a win.

Entering the strawberry farm you were quickly greeted by Jin and Namjoon. “Hi Y/N, didn’t expect to see you back so soon.”, Jin smiled.

“Mae wanted us to bring over some stew and bread as a thank you for the pie.”, you responded handing over the items from the cart. Jungkook appears out of nowhere excitedly grabbing the bread and jam from you.

“Jeeze I haven’t seen this kid all day, but as soon as food is involved he magically appears.”, Jin rolled his eyes. Taehyung came walking over after noticing your arrival. He wrapped you in a big hug and began making small talk. You could feel Yoongi’s presence behind you. He was almost using your body to shield himself away from everyone.

Taehyung gestured for you to follow him, “Y/N and Yoongi come on into the bakery. We’ve got a new strawberry milk latte we just put on the menu and I want your opinion. Personally I think it’s wayyyy too sweet, but Jin thinks it could be award winning.”

Jin scoffed, “You don’t even like coffee so your opinion means nothing.”

“I think it’s amazing.”, Jungkook added.

“You’d drink lake water and say it was good if we put a flavored milk in it.”, Namjoon quipped.

Chuckling at the argument going on infront of you it took about twelve steps before you realized your shadow was not behind you. When you turned you saw Yoongi was already walking back towards the path to the inn. Namjoon came up behind you and gave you a nudge in Yoongi’s direction and you knew what he meant. Jogging up next to him you reached for his arm, but opted not to as you’d quickly learned touch is not his first choice.

“Hey where are you going? Come hang out with us at the bakery.”, you said once you caught up to him.

He simply shook his head and kept walking.

“They’re really nice guys. They were asking about you yesterday. I think you’d really like them if you gave them a chance.”

Still he continued walking in silence. Without thinking you reached out to grab his arm just in an attempt to stop him, but he flinched.

“No. I just want to be left alone. Please.”, he whimpered near tears.

Instantly you backed off with your hands in the air to give him space and show that you weren’t going to touch him.

“I’m sorry Yoongi. I won’t force you to hang out with them. I just wanted you to get to know them a little. I think it would be good for you.”

He ignored you and began walking back home again. You sent Taehyung a quick text apologizing for your sudden departure and letting him know you’d stop by on a different day to try the latte before you left. Yoongi walked surprisingly fast so you had to go back into a light jog to catch up. You decided to hang back a little and not walk right next to him so you weren’t suffocating him. You pretended not to notice him peeking back to look at you every once in a while.

As you walked you noticed a few cherry blossom trees just over a hill. You’d completely forgot about the trees and made yourself a mental note to go see them before you left Holly Falls. When you finally made it back to the inn Yoongi was waiting for you at the front door.

“You didn’t have to walk back with me. I’m an adult and I could walk back myself.”, he said with a pout.

“I know. I just wanted to come back with you.”

“But what about hanging out with them?”

You shrugged your shoulders, “I’ll go back another time. I’d rather hang out with you anyways.” His face instantly turned a deep shade of red.

“So tell me, what does Yoongi like to do in his spare time?”, you questioned.

“I’d rather just be alone to be honest.”

You wanted to push him harder, but you were concerned with what the outcome might be so instead you gave him a smile and watched as be walked inside letting the door close behind him. Dropping down to take a seat on the steps you let out a long sigh. This was going to be more difficult than you had imagined and to make matters worse you were only supposed to stay for another week.

“Excuse me miss, are there any rooms available?”, someone spoke making you to jump. Since your head was hanging you hadn’t noticed the young man walk up to the front door of the inn. You took in his appearance and noticed how exceptionally handsome he was.

“I just came from the main part of the town and there are no rooms available so it was suggested that I come over here.”, he continued.

“Oh um well I think there might be a couple rooms left, but I’m just a guest as well. If you head inside the check in desk is in the corner and they can help you out.”

The handsome man held out his hand for you, “Sorry I didn’t mean to assume anything. My name is Jimin by the way.”

You smiled graciously accepting his hand, “Y/N and no worries. Hopefully you can get a room. It would be nice to have another person around here to talk to and stuff.”

He chuckled, “Well I guess I better get in there then and see about a room.”

You gently leaned to the side to give home more space to get by before you returned back to wondering how you could get Yoongi to open up to you a little more without making him too uncomfortable.

After he had walked inside Yoongi took a deep breath and after a quick heated discussion with himself going over all the pros and cons he decided that giving you twenty minutes of his time to talk would be good for him and maybe over time he could work up the courage to actually spend time with you, maybe even like a date before you left. The thought of that made his head spin. Just as he was about to open the door to find you he heard your conversation with Jimin and how you said you were glad there was going to be someone else at the inn. He felt his heart crack at that. In Yoongi’s brain you were already done with him just like everyone else in his life, except his grandmother of course. He always managed to chase everyone away. He quickly accepted that he was a lost cause so he scurried off to be alone in his room before you or the new guest could see him. Once in his room he heard you introduce Jimin to Mae. Your voice sounded excited as you showed Jimin to his room just down the hall from yours.

Yoongi sat on his bed squeezing his favorite stuffed animal, a blue koala bear named Koya, a gift from his mother just before she had passed.

He heard you let out a loud laugh at something funny Jimin had said and he curled up on his bed feeling the tears start to fall.

He hated that he was like this. He wanted to be what he would consider normal, but there was this little part of his brain that always reminds him of what he’s been through and how many times he been told how unwanted and unloved he is. Even if he did manage to speak to you he’d never want to burden you with having someone like him in your life. He needs a lot of mental care and you don’t deserve to have someone that week. So he chose to lie in his bed squeezing his Koya a little closer every time he heard you laugh in the hallway wishing it was him that was making react like that instead. Your laugh was just as pretty as you are he thought. With each passing minute he could feel the panic setting in more and more and he eventually used the koala bear to muffle the sobs leaving his body not wanting to disturb you any further.

#bts #yoongi fanfic #yoongi x reader #min yoongi #yoongi fic #yoongi angst #yoongi x y/n #bts fanfic #bts x reader #yoongi au #yoongi fluff #bts fluff #kim seokjin #namjoon #jungkook #taehyung #jimin #hoseok #TheInterludeInn

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fumifooms · 1 month

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i know you aren't really into marcille/laios any longer, but since you went looking online for dungeon meshi doujins, did you happen to find any other marcille/laios ones? (funnily enough at the convention i was at a couple weeks back they had like five, but they were extremely over-exaggerated and personally i prefer my fan content relatively in character...)

Ok first of all: Yeah listen laimar doesn’t have a grip on me anymore but I still quite enjoy it! Just more passively… Altho I do have an analysis that focuses a lot on the importance they hold to each other in my early stage wips drafts, and listen in canon I do think they’re queerplatonic flavored, call me an ot3 qpr truther because Laios Marcille and Falin have a something going on and it transcends being put into a box. But hey hey I reblog laimar artworks I bought that recent doujin I put laimar fics in my -checks- 106 pages long to-read list… Also I have like 5 pages of fanfic prompts for them I may or may not get to writing. Though yeah I do feel bad whenever I notice people following after liking all my laimar posts haha

Sadly to get to the meat of the topic, not really… I don’t go to cons for lack of opportunity so whatever I find is through online. The one I got is The Fourth Basement Floor, it has an english ver and seems so so very in character I can’t wait to get it! Otherwise I’ve looked on Otakurepublic since I use their services for merch from Japan, warning if you click on the link, there are none right now but 18+ ones can’t be filtered out and covers can be pretty explicit. I don’t remember any other laimar one except the one nsfw one I think, but on the plus side there are a lot of gen no ships doujins. I’m bothered because looking back I feel like the catalogue of doujins was wider when I looked all those months ago and it feels like I’m forgetting something hmm… I wish I could help more, but yeah 😔 Pixiv has many laimar comics up (in japanese) if that sates the hunger any

As consolation since I’m already here, why not show some of my laimar things laying around gathering dust I’m fond of. Don’t look if you don’t want to be spoiled for fics I may or may not write I guess? All down below is just laimar prompts

I spoke about some various ones and esp my timeline where she gets him into Daltian Clan here. "Laios… I was wondering, because you enjoy fantasy stories right? I was wondering if you’d like to give my favorite book series a go… It has monsters!" I love love love post-canon laimar where he gets the habit of chewing on her hair because he’s stimming and hungry. Like a goat.

Laios goes to Marcille for love advice. "You like someone?! Do I know them?" She eagerly asked. "Erm… Yes…?" // Post-canon. He’s so nervous and puts his foot in his mouth n lets things slip out that he thought would give him away. (Comic) "You like someone??! What are they like? Who are they?" And he’s like "Well… She’s a half-elf." He’s like shit she’ll probably know right away. And she goes still. "I’ve never met another half-elf!! We’re so rare! You’re saying you met one and didn’t tell me???!" She’s shaking him. And then she goes still again, contempt drawing on her face. "Wait… Are you asking me for advice because I’m a half-elf?" Laios runs with it "Yes!! And because you’re so savvy with romance and what people like…? If, uh, if you were a half-elf, what would you like to get as a gift? What sort of confession would you want?" "… You saved it there. Okay so since I’m so knowledgeable on romance, tell me what is she like?" "-describes Marcille-" She nods, smug yet oblivious. "Aah I can already tell we’d be great friends. Good taste." (then Thinking bubble with him giving her flowers at a restaurant "Did you know roses are edible and used in recipes", candlelit dinner, or wait maybe the most romantic is cooking together alone at home, chocolate! It’s expensive though… Wait I’m king now!)

Lil comic, Laios wakes up snuggled against Marcille’s back then promptly falls off the bed. The noise makes Marcille wake up and she’s like omg are u ok?? Laios is so sweaty and panicked and in denial about her being special to him. She explains, disgruntled at the memory "Izutsumi is bunking in with Chilchuck again, they’re taking the whole bedrolls." Pause. "Sorry, I should have told you, but you like sleeping with Izutsumi too so I figured…" She looked sheepish. "Between you and Senshi, I much prefer sleeping with you. It feels sort of nostalgic, like a sleepover, no?" He relaxes and gets in the bed again, smiling. "But… We’ve never had a sleepover?" She chuckles "I guess not. I must be getting that impression because of Falin…" And the air between them is warm yet bittersweet now, as she smiles like that and his eyes and smile cloud over. The earlier instinctive reluctance to touch is gone now. She snuggles into his arms and is like "Hug me?" "Okay." And he does, wraps his arms around her and tucks his chin over her head.

Post canon, marcille takes him to a squid restaurant. Cute lighthearted hehe. He sulks "If there are any parasites in this I will ban squid from this kingdom or so help me…"

Short post canon fluff marcille pov about laios gaining weight n becoming chubby. She used to dream of chiseled abs and angular elves, laios in every way, shape and form is so far from the beauty standards she idealized so. And yet… She loves how soft sleeping against him is, how much there’s more of him for her to hug and nuzzle her face in. She loves seeing him and seeing someone strong, who isn’t malnourished or underweight, someone healthy with color in their skin. An healthy appetite. He used to look more like a rectangle, severe and strict, but now he looked rounder, and seeing him smile at her always made her feel like that roundness suited him. She smiled back, and melted thinking about how her boyfriend was the sweetest in the world. ^I still wanna do this one really bad. Sometimes a fic premise comes from nowhere and puts you in a chokehold and you must finish it to obtain catharsis

Short oneshot about laios musing about Marcille’s smile, how important it is to him in subtle ways etc: Ends with Laios being like wait there’s something off (succubus). Then he grabbed her throat. Or smth

Laios seeing her dungeon like "this is so wrong Marcille you can’t run a dungeon for shit" and also "WHAT ARE THESE HORRORS OF MONSTERS NOO THEY CAN’T BE EFFECTIVE LIKE THAT"

Dinner for two: Very warm. Marcille and Laios are meeting up and cooking a dinner just for them both, no one else is there. They’re being so domestic and it’s light. Laios pauses at some point, doing the dishes, saying… I’ve always worried, thinking doing things like these would remind me of my parents.

Laios doesn’t know what to do when he realizes he actually *likes* likes Marcille, so he avoids her. Everyone notices and is disapproving of him.

Her mana acts up and she shares her dream with someone, kinda like with Izutsumi. Listen the premise could be smutty but I think it’d be more fun if they just hanged out n were silly, like the nightmares chapter without the nightmare

Laimar pining but from the view of Chilchuck, his love hatred sensing a storm brewing. The giggling, the looks. Ugh! It reminded him of himself and his wife when they were young and newly dating.

I love Laios and Izu being worsties so. Laios sees izutsumi rubbing her scent on marcille’s clothes and gets possessive. Maybe Golden Kingdom maybe something else I have no clue but Laios being ridiculous and cheek rubbing or something <3

I might want to do an AU where Laios gets into werebeast ring fighting, before canon and the split happens after he deserts the military. So he’s alone, has nothing going for him and stumbles into that sphere and gets werebeast tattoos done. It doesn’t make him happier at all and fighting sucks actually, but it brings money and he likes being a beast and being cheered by a crowd aka illusion of being liked, and money brings food and eating is the privilege of the living etc etc. So then when he goes to check on Falin at the academy it’s a big AU where he has a whole other reputation and look to him, and when he meets izutsumi their relationship is different and aaaaaa… He’s freeer in this au, lets himself be animalistic and weird, even though ofc the arc is him letting himself be more human as well and connecting with humans, through talking and infodumping n shit. Oh I went off but the laimar is because it’s inspired by cool laimar art here (warning tho it’s an art dump with toudencest also 😔) but werewolf Laios laimar AUs… A lotta fun stuff there idk idk

#Laimar #ask #Ppl can send me laimar asks tbh idk when i’d get to them but i do still love them #Not all that much left i wanna explore analysis or post wise with them though #Laios touden #marcille donato #Fanfic wips #Dungeon meshi #Spoilers #dungeon meshi manga spoilers

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magpies-gold · 5 months

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I got really bogged down this weekend on my writing. This is always the thing that wrecked me about NaNoWriMo: 50k words is juuust enough so that I hit the self-doubt super hard.

It’s where I have enough of the world and the characters down so that I can see them clearly enough to recognize where they’re held together with chewing gum and hope. It’s where I can see the road ahead but also I’m on the edge of the first really big gaps that I just have to put 2x4’s over as a makeshift bridge and fill them in correctly later. The piece I need for that is stashed somewhere near the end of the book. It’s when I find spots in the story where the wiring isn’t hooked up yet and the lights are out so I kinda know three or four ways to get from point A to point B and I can’t see which one’s correct so I just have to kinda write them all (the correct answer has a chance at being a Frankenstein’s monster mishmash of all of them!)

It’s nice that my mom’s been reading the mess as I work on it because it means that I have someone to call and say “It’s trash but it’s still trash with potential, yeah?” and talk my way back to having the confidence to continue. Thanks, mom.

So.

Reminder to Self.

First drafts are The Stupidest Version. The characters get spontaneous amnesia. They know things that they shouldn’t. They try to ad lib instead of sticking to the script. The equipment you ordered for the set months ago isn’t here yet so you’re making do with an old fridge and some cardboard as a stand in but it’s really obviously just a fridge that says “warp core” on it in Sharpie. No one can keep a straight face around it. This is all going to get rewritten from scratch in a few months.

It’s the vomit draft. Sometimes (often) you get caught yammering for three hours about one of the character’s childhood and the camera was running the whole time. The characters can’t quite remember their lines or motivations so they repeat themselves five times in five different ways over five different scenes before someone yells “We got it already! Shut up!” You all explore the basement and the sub-basement before realizing that you don’t even need the -house- that you’re in, but you found a key down there that’ll help elsewhere and so it was worth the detour. Two characters don’t jive naturally yet so you either take them out for coffee or hand them nerf bats and engage with -that- for 2k words, coming out the other side all the wiser but with 2k words that will not make the cut. That’s fine. It still needs doing.

And it’s a sketch. I did a drawing earlier today where I drew, erased, and redrew a creature in the background no less than twenty times (at one point just covering the canvas in question marks out of frustration) before I finally figured out what I was doing. Same diff, but writing takes longer. It’s going to have construction lines and eraser marks all over the place, but later I can pick out the good lines and go from there.

Anyone who suggests that writing is anything but barely controlled chaos is, in my opinion, slightly bonkers. It’s herding cats that can phase through walls and travel in time, and in the meanwhile, all you have is a butterfly net with a hole in it.

And sometimes you just need a good pep talk to remind you that yes, it’s supposed to look this janky. Keep going.

#writing #I am doing quite the strugg #but i will persevere #alpha base #nanowrimo

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sweet-seishu · 2 years

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11:26pm

bonten! rindou haitani x fem! reader

warnings: angst, hurt to comfort, established marriage, mentions of divorce, NSFW, unprotected sex, multiple orgasms, squirting (the spicy isn't very descriptive, but it's still there), NOT EDITED, just overall terribly written, and very half assed. time stamped bc that's when i made the decision to post it today.

a/n: when i tell you this has been in my drafts for MONTHS and i just never posted it and now i'm cleaning out my drafts so here, i know it's bad leave me alone.

network tag: @tokyometronetwork

Divorce.

The word was running through Rindou's head as you sat across from him at his desk, chewing on your lip as you let him process what you had asked. There was no argument that led to this, no big fight, you had just asked him out of the blue. He was confused, he hadn't done anything wrong, so why did you want this?

There was of course a reason, you were just scared to bring it up.

"Why?" Rindou asked. You wouldn't look at him, you couldn't. "Y/n-"

"I-" You started, biting your lip to keep the tears from falling. "Rin, I'm just– I'm not happy anymore."

"But- what did I do?" The question seemed so innocent, and it made your heart hurt more as you thought about how to answer.

You didn't want him to be upset with you, you didn't want to end on a bad note. "Rin it's what you're not doing." You said softly.

"What I'm not-? What does that even mean?"

You finally looked at Rindou, and he looked irritated. You couldn't blame him, you were vague in your answer, and you knew he didn't care to figure these things out.

But you were just so tired. Tired of waiting for him to come home, tired of him working all those late nights. He's barely paid attention to you over the last few months, and you couldn't take it anymore.

"Rindou." You sighed. "I can't take this anymore. You're always at work, you're barely home, and when I do see you you barely acknowledge my presence."

"I'm just trying to give you a good life y/n, I need to work to do that." He said bluntly. "You knew what you were getting into when we stared dating as teenagers."

"Yeah Rin, I knew you'd be busy, and I knew there would be times when I wouldn't see you. But this has been going on for months. I dont even remember the last time we've had a conversation this long."

"You know how busy Bonten is becoming. I'm sorry I can't be home all the time but come on y/n-"

"Yeah I know how busy it's been, but I'm your wife Rindou, you should still be able to make time for me. If I'm being honest I feel like this is already over, and it's been over for a while."

Rindou was taken back by your words. How long have you actually been thinking about this?

"Night after night I wait for you to come home, just to remember what your stupid fucking face looks like, but then I fall asleep cause god forbid you come home at a normal hour, and then you're gone when I wake up." You said, choking on your words as the tears built.

You let a few tears fall from your eyes as you stared at Rindou. Someone you've known and loved all your life suddenly looked like a complete stranger.

"I'm breaking Rindou." You cried. "I'm completely falling apart here, and you don't even see it. It's like you don't even care. I'm completely at the bottom of your priority list, and it fucking hurts."

Rindou only looked at you, not knowing what to say. He hadn't realized how bad it was, but as he really looked at you now, he noticed the weight you lost, the bags under your eyes, and how the light was completely gone from them.

"Nothing to say?" You asked, swallowing the lump in your throat. "Then that's it. I'll call our lawyer in the morning. You can just go back to work." You pulled your wedding ring off your finger, suddenly feeling naked as you placed it in front of Rindou. "I love you Rin, and I'm always going to.. but I'm done waiting for you."

With that you left his office, leaving Rindou be as he stared at the ring. How could he be so stupid? How could he not realize how little he actually saw you?

He groaned, running his hands through his hair before looking at the picture of you two on his desk.

His blonde and blue hair, glasses on his face as he smiled at the camera, while you kissed his cheek, your y/h/c hair blowing out of your face, the hint of a smile on your lips as they touched his cheek.

You had taken that after he had told you he loved you the first time. The smile on your face after he said it was permanently marked in his mind, a smile so bright it made him weak in the knees.

Rindou loved you with all he had, and he has since you were teens. He was never the best at expressing his feelings, something you knew all too well, but he didn't want it to come to this.

He didn't want a divorce, the thought made him feel sick, like he wanted to throw up.

He wasn't going to let this happen, he couldn't.

"I just don't know how it got to this." You said to your friend on the phone. "How can we go from talking about starting a family, to getting a divorce?" You asked, voice cracking as a tear fell from your eye.

Rindou was standing on other side of the door, his heart sinking at your words.

"Was it because of me?" You cried. "Was I too much?"

Fuck, no you were perfect to him.

"Did he stop loving me?" You sobbed, looking down at your hand. You winced at the small 'rin' tattoo that was on your finger, a tattoo that was usually hidden by a ring.

Absolutely not. He loved you more than life itself.

He couldn't listen anymore, slowly opening the door to bedroom, making you turn your head. You told your friend bye, hanging up the phone placing it on your nightstand.

"What do you want?" You asked.

"To talk." He told you, sitting beside you on the bed.

"We don't have anything to talk about Rindou. It's done."

"I don't- y/n I don't want that." Rindou told you, csrefully putting his arms around you so he could pull you close. He felt you tense, and it hurt him more than he could admit.

"Rindou I'm just not seeing any other option." You told him.

"Pretty girl, I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry I let it get to this. I never wanted to hurt you baby."

You started sobbing, shoulders shaking as Rindou buried his head in your neck.

"I can't just let you walk away from this, from us. I promise I'll be better. I'll be the man you married, someone you deserve."

"I don't want an empty promise Rindou. You always put Bonten before me and I can't take it anymore."

His hold on you tightened. He really was an idiot. "It's not empty. I'm so sorry I ever made you think this marriage was over, sorry I ever made you doubt how I feel about you. I only wanted to give you the life you deserve."

You sighed, slowly moving to face him.

"Rindou, I don't care about having a lavish life, I don't need expensive things. All I need is you. You're all I've ever needed and you- fuck Rin- you slipped completely out of my grasp."

Rindou pulled you closer to him, holding you tightly as you cried into his shoulder. He rubbed your back soothingly as you held onto his dress shirt so tightly you could hear it ripping.

"Look at me." Rindou said softly, making you lift your head from his shoulder. He gently moved your hair behind your ear. "My pretty girl. I hurt you really bad didn't I?"

"You did." You said softly, sniffling as Rindou moved his hand to wipe the tears from your cheeks.

"I won't hurt you anymore, I promise you that. I'll be home more, I'll let you know if I have to stay late, I'll do whatever I have to, just please stay." Rindou choked, his eyes stinging. "You're my soul mate, losing you would be losing a part of me, and I just can't-"

You cut him off, kissing him softly as you tasted the mix of your tears. When you pulled away you let your forehead meet his, looking into his violet eyes.

"Okay." You said softly.

"Okay?"

"I won't go anywhere." You whispered. "Just please, please don't-"

"I won't." Rindou told you, knowing exactly what you were going to say. He pulled your ring from his pocket so he could slip it back on your finger. "I love you so much y/n, let me show you yeah?"

You nodded before Rindou placed his lips on yours, both of you easily melting into eachother.

Your hands found their place in his purple hair, tugging at the strands as you tried to get closer to him. He held on to you for dear life, scared to let you go as he licked your bottom lip. You quickly opened your mouth, your tongues tangling as everything quickly became hot.

"Off." You said against his lip, ripping his dress shirt open, not caring about the buttons. You just wanted him, and you wanted him now. It's been so long since you were together like this, and you weren't ashamed to show how needy you were for his touch.

It all happened so fast, and before you knew it you were beneath Rindou, moaning as he brought you to your fourth orgasm of the night.

He spent a long time, prepping you with his fingers and tongue, making you cum again and again before filling you with his thick length, a feeling you had missed so much.

"Rin." You gasped as he hit that spot inside you again and again. "Please don't stop!"

"Fucking hell y/n. You're squeezing me so fucking tight." Rindou moaned, pounding his hips harder into you. Your nails scratched at his broad back, making him hiss as you screamed, squirting your juices all over his abdomen.

"Fuck!" Rindou groaned, pumping inside of you a few more times before stilling his hips, painting your walls white.

You were both silent, the only thing that could be heard was your heavy breathing as Rindou lay on top of you, being mindful not to crush you with his weight.

"Rindou?" You whispered, making the younger Haitani look at you.

"What is it pretty?"

"Can we go take a bath? I'm kinda of sore." You chuckled, moving his hair out of his face. He only smiled, slowly pulling out of you before standing up.

"Give me a sec okay?" He said, kissing your forehead before walking off to the bathroom. He ran a hot bath, making sure there were lots of bubbles and a nice bath bomb, just the way you liked it.

He walked back into your room, smiling at your sleepy state. He picked you up bridal style, carrying you to the shower so you could both rinse off first.

You sighed when you got in the tub, your back against Rindou’s chest as he held you.

He realized how much he really missed moments like this with you. He really did take you for granted, he knew that and he hated himself for ever making you think he didn't love or care about you.

"Rin are you okay?" You asked.

He hadn't realized he was crying.

"I just, fuck." Rindou sobbed. "I'm just so fucking sorry."

Rindou rarely cried, not like this. Sure he shed a few tears here and there, but he never completely broke down. You didn't know what to do.

"Rindou it's okay." You told him.

"It's not. It's not okay." He sobbed again, holding you tighter against him. "Can't believe I alm- almost let you slip away. Can't believe I made you feel like this was over, I'm so-"

"Shh." You cooed, turning around so you could face him, not caring about the water spilling over the sides of the tub. "Baby it's okay, I forgive you."

"You're just, you're everything to me and I almost let you walk I-"

"Rin." You said softly, holding his face between your hands. The tears in his eyes wouldn't stop, breaking your heart as you tried to consol him. "I'm here, I'm not going anywhere."

Rindou looked at you, nothing but love for him in your eyes as you comforted him. Fuck he really was stupid.

"Let's get out of the bath and go to bed okay?" You smiled. Rindou nodded, closing his eyes as you placed a gentle kiss to his forehead, letting him calm down.

You both stepped out of the tub once his tears stopped. Rindou grabbed towels for you both to dry off before he grabbed your hand, walking you back to your shared room.

Rindou quickly slipped on a new pair of underwear before tossing you a shirt of his and a pair of sleep shorts.

"Let me just grab some new sheets okay?" Rindou told you. You nodded, smiling when he kissed your forehead.

When he returned you helped him change the bedding quickly, finally laying down with the soft duvet covering the both of you.

He was quick to grab you, cuddling you into his side, as he kissed the top of your head. You traced his tattoos, making Rindou sigh in content.

"Love you pretty girl." Rindou whispered, stopping your actions so he could grab your hand, lacing your fingers together. "I'll love you forever."

"I love you to Rin." You told him kissing his skin, finally letting your eyes flutter shut. "Forever."

#tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers x y/n #tokyo revengers x you #tokyo revengers smut #bonten x fem!reader #bonten x reader #bonten smut #bonten rindou #rindou #rindou haitani #haitani rindou #rindou x reader #rindou haitani x reader #rindou haitani x you #rindou haitani smut #haitani rindou x reader #haitani rindou x you

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lovelywoos · 2 years

Text

then came you | l.jh

genre: opposites attract au, highschool au, strangers to friends to lovers; fluff, comedy, angst!!

pairings: introverted!woozi x extroverted!reader (y/n uses they/them pronouns, but small scene where it mentions that y/n wears a skirt)

word count: 7.9k... jfc

warnings: swearing, a fight scene (not violent, more like a lot of swearing), and the fight scene has a lot of repetitive swear words because i don’t swear that much help :”)

description: in which you, the student council vice president, and lee jihoon, the quiet boy in the back of the class, fell in love despite your differences.

a/n - this was a lot of fun to write but near the end of editing it i was literally pushing SHOVING this out of my drafts to publish im so sick of it now. i rushed the editing so ... forgive me pls. ***fight scene is also inspired by the ep 3 of the kdrama “our beloved summer.”

one. meet cute

well, if it wasn’t for the consequences of your actions smacking you right on the face. yes, you should’ve studied more for that physics test. and studied harder. but also yes, student council duties needed attention. that group project for math was very time-consuming as well in your defense!

all those excuses and yet you still broke down.

sitting and hiding under a table in your school’s music room was becoming familiar. sometimes you wish you weren’t so outspoken or eager because now you’ve bitten off more than you can chew and are suffering the exhaustion from it.

but anyways, thank god for sound-proof music rooms! (your sniffles were beginning to inch their way towards sobs…)

“you okay?”

you jump at the sudden voice, head bumping against the desk with a heavy thud.

you blink up at the voice’s owner, furrowing your brows in annoyance.

the pale boy stammers in shock, struggling to put together his words. he heard you crying while entering the room, but seeing your puffy and bloodshot eyes made him wonder if he should’ve just made a 360 and left the room the first time he heard sniffles.

“s-sorry! i didn’t mean to scare you!” he stutters, rushing to you as you make your way out from under the desk. he quickly puts a hand under the desk, making sure you don’t bonk your head a second time.

you get up, quickly wiping your tears away from your face with the sleeves of your school uniform, the boy could get a good look at your face.

l/n y/n. student council’s vice president and class representative. he knew you very well. everyone did really. you were always all over the place talking to people, socializing, getting things done, and leading the way. you definitely didn’t know him though (he was right).

“it’s fine. don’t worry about it,” you assured, smiling slightly in an attempt to ease his obvious nerves.

you sigh before adding, “just don’t… tell anyone, yeah?” you read his name tag pinned on the chest of his uniform. lee jihoon.

“of course, don’t worry about that.”

“okay well, i have to get going now! see you around!” you send a friendly wave, walking for the door as jihoon interrupts you.

“wait! here, ta-take this,” he hands you a wrinkled napkin he had just pulled from his pockets.

when you stare at his outstretched hand, jihoon explains, “for your tears… although you’re not crying anymore, huh.”

you hold in your smile seeing the napkin most definitely from lunch that was just placed in your hand. so cute.

jihoon watches as you make your way out of the music room, thanking him, making him promise one last time to not tell anyone about today, and saying a goodbye.

so when you close the door behind you, he sighs with a gentle smile on his face. so cute.

two. i hate everyone but you

“lee jihoon!”

before becoming friends with lee jihoon, people should know that jihoon hates five things: people who touch him, annoying people, talkative people, being told what to do, and opening up.

and you haven’t seemed to pick up on these things yet after being friends for about… two months? but for you, it was bearable.

so whenever you march up to his desk, he doesn't complain.

“your group mates just told me how you haven’t attended any of the work meets they planned!” you sighed, pressing your lips together. “and take those damn earbuds out!”

“okay, okay. sorry,” jihoon leans back in his chair with tired eyes before explaining, “i’ve been doing my share of the work anyway, so why does it matter? i can’t be needed that much.”

you pout before sitting at the empty desk in front of him. you also notice how his eyes seem so focused on his hands all of a sudden.

you poke his forehead with your forefinger, making him look up to look at you with wide eyes.

“it’s just me, be honest,” you say in the gentlest tone jihoon’s ever heard from you.

he takes a moment to think before nodding. you smile and lean in, ready to hear his side of the story.

“they’re not the greatest people. i overhear them sometimes and they’re always gossiping. i don’t think i’d be able to stand being in a room with all of them talking for like two hours,” jihoon finally explains, but he’s taken aback as he sees your attentive and genuine expression.

he clears his throat and adds, “in conclusion, they give me a headache, and being with them for hours would drain my social battery for the day, no, week.”

jihoon forgets to mention that being around his group would be unbearable also because you were a common topic amongst their gossip. he remembers the day when one of his partners said you were such a teacher’s pet only for the sake of impressing the student council’s president, choi seungcheol.

he quite literally had to take a step outside before he said something he would regret because l/n y/n doing something for male validation? he would laugh in their faces if he had the courage.

“i see… it’s alright, i’ll see what i can do. don’t worry, jihoon! just focus on your part of the work and let me do the talking!” you grin, standing up abruptly.

jihoon just smiles up at you and nods, not surprised at how you were going to speak in his defense once again (this was becoming the new norm as you two became friends).

before turning to leave, you reach a hand out to ruffle his dark black hair, messing it all up. you quickly dash off, not letting jihoon scold you.

he hides his smile and growing blush as he reaches up to fix his hair.

jihoon still hates five things: people who touch him, annoying people, talkative people, being told what to do, and opening up. but if they come in the form of you, he doesn't seem to mind so much. especially if every time he reluctantly opens up, you always seem to understand him.

three. what was this feeling?

“i swear to god if i don’t beat her, she’ll never let me hear the end of it!”

jihoon was about to lose it. you were pacing back in forth in front of him. every time you had finally stopped moving or talking, he would place the sunscreen in your hand so you could apply some on your face yourself before your race. but every single time he did, you just gave him a look and shoved it right back into his hands, continuing your rant.

“she keeps going on and on about how the class representative should be good at everything including athletics and so sports day should be a breeze for me! why do class representatives have to go last in the relay? it’s so weird! i could be helping student council pass out waters right now or something like…”

your words fade away as his attention diverted to the couple a few feet down the bench from you two. the girl squeezed some sunscreen onto the back of her hand before applying it to her boyfriend’s face.

and to be honest, he couldn’t even remember who you were talking about anymore! yuna was it? or maybe yuri? yura??

so fuck it.

“i think she’s just jealous she’s in a lower class than me! because what other reason could—"

jihoon grabs your hand, pulling you down next to him. as your mouth hangs open in surprise and confusion, he twists the cap off, throwing it to the side and squeezing some onto the back of his hand. he takes a deep intake of breath.

jihoon slaps (not that hard actually) his sunscreen-covered fingers on your forehead making you freeze. unable to form words, sounds even, you just stare at his focused eyes, the slight furrow of his brows as he spreads the sunscreen on your face.

you curse the heat, maybe also your flustered emotions, as your cheeks warm up when you take in the close proximity between you two and also because his cold, pretty hands were on your face!! he was so gentle and cautious with you that you had a feeling he was as panicked as you were right now.

as you were freaking out and praying he couldn't hear the pounding of your heart, jihoon was busy wondering if this was too much. was this weird? was he making you uncomfortable??

jihoon, now much more uncomfortable with the sudden silence, began to change the subject. “you know someone so thoughtful of their skincare shouldn’t forget to put on sunscreen.”

when you responded with a flustered silence, he snorts as you refused to maintain eye contact with him.

he takes your silence as pre-anxiousness for your event, instead of it being because of his bold actions. “you’ll be fine in your race. so beat yuri, get this day over with, and let’s do something after school together, yeah?”

so he did listen to your rants.

it made you think. when was the last time someone paid attention to your rambling? when was the last time someone cared enough to want you to put sunscreen on? when was the last time someone comforted you even when you didn’t show you were troubled?

"anyways!" jihoon yells as he jumps up from the bench, "you still have some sunscreen on your face, but I've done enough so..." (way to ruin the moment, jihoon...)

you felt your heartbeat quicken when jihoon pulled you up from the bench by hand and gave your head a couple pats to calm the anxiety.

“so remember why you wanna win and use that to motivate you. you got this, y/n!” he holds a fist up, truly wishing you the best even though you very well knew he had no care in the world for today’s sports day.

what was this feeling?

four. it's love

the moment you start running, jihoon felt his hands get clammy and heart start pumping though he wasn’t even running. okay, so maybe he was completely listening to your rants even if he didn’t want to. maybe he did want you to beat yuri because he loved seeing you so passionate about something and always rooted for your success.

so as you passed yuri in your relay right before the finish line, maybe he did jump from his seat and start cheering. for once, he ignored all the stares from people around him who were shocked to hear his voice louder than class-speaking volume. he was just so so excited to see you sprint past the finish line with the biggest smile on your face as your classmates rushed over to congratulate their class representative.

he watches as you scan the bleachers, eyes lighting up as you find his eyes and mouthed the words, ‘i won!’

jihoon nods with a smile, sending you two thumbs up as you laugh before turning away to talk to your friends.

despite you being surrounded by so many people and him on the bleachers by himself on sports day, he still can’t help but finally realizes he likes you. he always has despite all the differences. lee jihoon likes you. and his smile never fades away upon processing this fact.

five. the argument

it’s been 11 days, 10 hours, and 34 minutes since jihoon had spoken a word to you. at first, you decided to keep track of the days so you could use it as a point to argue with jihoon. but that was ultimately thrown out of the window when jihoon remained giving you the silent treatment and no argument, not a single word from him was in sight (you did not expect this). he probably just needs some time alone... right?

on the other hand, jihoon could always feel your burning, infuriated stares burning a hole in the back of his head. it came to the point where walking by you in the hallways felt like he was on fire.

lee jihoon was conflicted. he enjoyed being your friend (even if it felt like it should be more sometimes), but at what cost? his mind just kept going back to your friends' conversation that day.

just as jihoon was about to unlock the restroom stall, his hand freezes at the mention of your name from someone's mouth. his name as well.

"you think y/n is actually friends with that loser?"

"who?"

"the nerd who always listens to music in the back of the class!"

"ah, lee jihoon? i mean... i doubt it. they're probably hanging with him to make him feel like he belongs, you know? he has no friends so that's probably why."

"holy shit, that's so depressing."

"right?"

and when jihoon is conflicted, he did what he does best: stay silent. because yes, being your friend made his year. should he keep being your friend even if he knew you were doing it out of pity? would he go that far for his crush?

as jihoon makes his way to the music room after just finishing his lunch, he decides to just stay silent forever! confrontation is difficult... so none of that!!!

he reaches his hand out to turn the knob of the music room, but lets out a pained groan as the door flies into his face unbeknownst to you who just got too excited at his presence because now you could finally talk to him alone!

"jihoon! i knew you'd come here! let's talk," and suddenly all your angry, violent thoughts that said to be angry at lee jihoon for ignoring you for so long flew out of your head. all rational thoughts: gone. you grabbed his hand that wasn't rubbing his now red forehead and pulled him into the room.

jihoon sighs. so much for no confrontation.

when jihoon closes the door behind you both, you take a deep inhale of breath and exhale to calm your nerves. you've been thinking about this moment for ages, don't mess it up now!

you turn swiftly to face jihoon with a bitter expression on his face, making you gulp as the nerves begin crawling back.

"li-listen, whatever i did i'm sorry. i truly didn't mean to hurt you, so please, tell me what i did wrong so we can talk it out and i can apologize properly!"

for the first time since being pulled into that room by you, he looks at you to meet your eyes. how could they be so... genuine?

he looked at you in a way that made you want to sink to the floor. "well? are you gonna say anything?" you frown as he stares at you wordlessly.

"why are you friends with me?"

you blink at him in shock. "w-what?"

jihoon sighs and repeats, "why are you friends with me?"

you struggle to form the right words to say. "well... we kept running into each other and i liked talking to you so i just stuck around.” that could be worded much better, you think.

he didn’t believe you.

“you’re only friends with me because you’re vice president and it’s your job to help your peers, right?”

your jaw went slack.

“where did you get that from??”

this look was different. not mad, but hopeless. “not important. just answer me, is it true?”

“of course not! who told you that? why would you even believe that?” okay, now you were starting to get worked up because that’s such a horrid thing to assume of you! did he have that little faith in you?

his fists tighten because suddenly pin-pointing all the flaws in his friendship with you became easy.

“hey, but to add on to that, why do you baby me?”

your eyebrows knit together because you just got even more lost if possible. “baby you? since when? how? where did any of this come from, jihoon?”

“can you quit being so focused on where this is coming from? it’s coming from me, okay? it makes sense anyways, i am nothing like any of your friends. why me? why be friends with me—“

“why can’t i just be friends with you because i want to?? do all my friends need to be the same?”

he lets out a menacing scoff. “okay, so am i some charity case then? a friendship made out of pity because i can’t seem to ever speak up for myself and you always have to swoop in to save me? i can defend myself, y/n. why do you act like i’m a defenseless loser that needs to be protected and babied?”

“i have never thought about you that way! first of all, whoever told you i was friends with you because it was my job has no idea what you and i are. you’ve never given other people the time of day to listen to their stupid opinions, so why now, huh?”

because it was about you.

“second of all, you always complain about people not understanding you or mistreating you! you always let people walk all over you! i am sick of having to watch you pretend like you’re cool and unbothered at what people say about you, so forgive me if i’m standing up for you because i care. it’s not my job, i’m doing it because i’m your friend. and if you were uncomfortable about it, just tell me! set boundaries! not give me the silent treatment.”

“well i don’t want to be your friend anymore.” his words were eerily cold. he gave up. he clearly didn’t want to try for this or you anymore.

your gentle pants from your yelling fill the silent and tense atmosphere of the music room where you two first met. silent because his words were still processing in both of your heads and tense because this was probably the end of your friendship. you both couldn't meet each other's eyes.

as jihoon was gauging your troubled expression, a pool of heavy guilt filled his stomach. that sentence was not how he imagined it would go. he always thought it would be said bravely. lovingly. like in a confession. not like friends breaking up!

so you decide to give up too because what’s the point in trying when he doesn’t trust you.

“okay then. i respect that. i have nothing else to say. do you?”

he grimaces at the way your voice shakes. the way your nose scrunches unpleasantly. and his heart regrets the way your eyes shine over with tears. jihoon would never believe that he would one day be the cause of your pain and tears.

“no.” goddammit, that’s not what he wanted to say. why was he such a coward?

“okay.” your voice was just a whisper as you breeze past him, not wanting him to see you cry a second time.

when the door of the room shuts behind him, he cries. for the first time in a long time.

he can’t even remember what he was mad about. he could only remember your broken expression and your broken tone. he messed up something beautiful all because it was hard believing that someone as amazing as you would want to be his friend. and possibly like him.

six. right person, right time

22 days, 12 hours, and 16 minutes. why are you even keeping track anymore at this point? you two are not friends. period.

you weren’t even friends with him for that long! you had your other friends too anyways so why did cutting things off with him hurt so much? (i wonder why).

after not talking to jihoon, you start to realize how being his friend was such a breath of fresh air. a break from life. a good and genuine change. it was great. this was probably because how jihoon had no care for social cliques or no expectations or just no interest in things outside of grades and music!

and so for the first time in a long time, someone wanted to talk to you about something that had nothing to do with student council, clubs, school, volunteering, or community service. meeting jihoon was a quick and sharp realization that all your friends, all the people you surround yourself with, are people from the student council or simply smart-popular people! over-achievers! nerds!

maybe jihoon was right when he said you were the definition of a nerd who also happened to be popular… (which you refused to believe because how could a nerd be popular, jihoon?)

nevertheless! jihoon’s interest in music, critiquing animes, playing instruments for fun (not just in school like what), and best of all his carefree attitude, truly make all these nerds around you so bland and basic.

like finally, someone who busies themself with something, not about school or accomplishing something worthy enough to put on a college application.

and about his carefree attitude, it’s crazy how you never noticed until jihoon mentioned how uptight some of your friends were after hearing a close friend of yours, who was also secretary of the council, talk to you about something school related. all you and your friends talked about was school.

so yes, being friends with lee jihoon was beyond eye-opening and more life-changing, but it also made you view your friends differently. were they even your friends? if you weren't a part of all your extracurriculars, no, if you just weren't smart or outgoing, would they care about you at all?

this epiphany has let you see your friends for the people they are. you indeed saw this for yourself when some dumb boys began picking on him.

"seriously, i get if you don't like us. i respect that even. but failing us just because you think we're inferior to you makes you look like a fucking loser," park junghyung laughed cynically as he pulled a chair next to jihoon's desk, getting all up in his face.

if you don't see it, it doesn’t exist. jihoon has been repeating this sentence for the past five minutes because junghyung and his friends couldn't stand not being carried through group assignments for the first time in their lives.

"i didn't fail you, that's up to ms. lee."

with that, junghyung's tight-lipped smile dropped and his "patience" ran dry. he shot up from his seat and kicked it to the floor, the loud clanging sound making people gasp and begin to watch the situation unfold.

yeah, maybe removing his entire group's names from the presentation before submitting was too bold of a move. well, they should’ve done shit to help if they didn’t want a failing grade, right? after all, you always told him 'be bold and be strong! don't let stupid idiots walk over you! run over them instead!' wait, why as he even thinking about you in this situation?? damn it!

so, cue you walking toward jihoon's classroom, ready to confront some bullies and you’re only doing this because it’s the right thing to do, not that you still like him or anything (lie)! you don’t dare to hope you two might reconcile and maybe even become friends again after this because that’s so dumb (lie). and hopefully, jihoon won’t think you're babying him, you just want to clear his name! (truth).

however, seeing your crush (100% truth) lee jihoon being cornered by park junghyung who was grabbing his collar while everyone was staring and recording was not what you expected! are you seriously about to walk into a fight for your crush… (yes).

"you must think you're all that to pull such a move, huh. in reality, you're just a pathetic shit who can’t even pull bitches because they all pity you.” was he talking about you?

now that he thinks about it, the voice in the restroom that day was him. it was park junghyung.

honest to god, jihoon 100% firmly believes the best choice in this situation would be to run because he cannot fight. he guesses he can try, but unfortunately, junghyung is a fit dude. a big dude. if only he didn’t talk about you and insinuate you were a bitch.

jihoon grabs junghyung’s collar and throws him off. he’s at his limit right now.

“if you didn’t want to fail, maybe stop partying and getting drunk of your ass to get away from your fucked up home life? maybe actually use that empty shit brain of yours and do something with it? maybe then you wouldn’t have to ask your rich dad or student council friends to pull favors so you don’t get pushed down a class or kicked out of school even.” jihoon is suddenly very memorable of all the school gossip you’ve told him before.

junghyung laughs in disbelief. “you’re asking for it, you little fucker.”

well. this was it. this is when jihoon gets sucker punched.

“y-you dickhead!”

woah, was that… you??

everyone, including jihoon and an impatient junghyung turns to see you pushing through crowds, and marching your way in between junghyung and jihoon.

junghyung rolls his eyes when you grab jihoon’s hand reassuringly and glare up at him.

“come on, y/n. quit the charity act. it’s getting annoying now. move aside, yeah?”

a slap resonates through the filled classroom. gasps fill the room as even more phones go up to record the student council vice president slapping it boy park junghyung across the face.

jihoon’s eyes go wide. wide! he instinctively pulls you behind him, shielding you from a fuming, red junghyung.

he side-eyes you who was also very shell-shocked at your own actions.

“y/n, what the hell are you doing?” he whispers as junghyung’s group goes up to him to ask if he was okay.

“to be honest, i don’t know. just know i am not babying you. i’m doing this and have always been doing this because i care about you, now move. i’m not done.”

jihoon’s eyes soften as he caresses his thumb over the back of your hand. he doesn’t deserve you.

junghyung lets out a laugh of disbelief. “you know what, you two deserve each other. you’re both fucking insane.”

“well, you and your friends are all fucking stupid.”

yes, you knew his friends (also your friends) were in the room watching. yes, you knew you would be losing a lot of friends today if you continued talking. yes, it’s worth it if it’s for lee jihoon especially if they all think of him the same way junghyung does.

junghyung clenches his jaw before taunting, “oh really! i wonder what our friends will think about that,” he turns around to the crowd of people with arms wide, “what do you guys think about the genius and model student y/n swearing and assaulting other students? their own friend at that too!”

you scoff and roll your eyes at this boy’s sheer audacity. he was never your friend.

junghyung gets more pissed off at your reaction and says, “since when were you such an annoying bitch?”

you cross your arms across your chest impatiently. did he think he was that intimidating? “i’ll start being a bitch because it’s sickening watching you push everyone around. what? do you think i’m like everyone else?”

jihoon panics when he feels you try to push past his arm as junghyung does the same also while his friends attempt to hold him back.

jihoon laughs awkwardly, trying to calm the situation. still making sure to keep an arm between you an junghyung, he apologizes, “they’re just a bit mad at the unnecessary crowding and recording haha, please understand.”

you whip your head to glare at jihoon, “quit apologizing when you’re not in the wrong. now move.”

you move closer to junghyung staring at you with cursing eyes.

“woah junghyung, you gonna slap me back? punch me? like you do with your classmates and call it messing around?”

“man, this bitch is fucking insane!”

“i’ll show you how insane i can be if you keep taking advantage of jihoon or anyone else just because they’re nice people.” you feel jihoon turn around to face you completely, but refuse to look at him because you knew you would melt instantly. you missed him.

you hold his hand tighter before concluding, “now you’re always gonna be known as an idiot who bullies smart kids because he can’t do shit in school. i really won’t let it slide if you mess with jihoon again,” you turn to scan everyone who was in the room recording, “send that video to the principal if you want i don’t care!“

you pull jihoon away from junghyung who punches the nearest desk before letting out a frustrated yell.

“move. move!” you shove your way through the crowd as your friends, well, maybe not friends anymore after they had just seen you slap and swear at someone… but it didn’t matter you’d see them tomorrow for student council stuff anyways if you still had your position after this.

you and jihoon walk away from everyone who began to disperse, gossiping because how could model student y/n act so aggressively?

but that was the last thing on your mind because you felt like there was a lot to discuss with jihoon.

jihoon who just trails behind you, hands still entwined with yours, was zoning out thinking about what just occurred. you stop abruptly, making him walk into your back.

“s-sorry-“

you pull him into an empty classroom and shut the door behind you, letting go of his hand.

you sigh and put your hands on your knees, trying to catch your breath for a moment. you had so much adrenaline running and you could even hear your heartbeat in your ears.

you still manage to slap jihoon’s hand away when he attempts to turn on the lights, “no lights right now.”

he nods, staring at your tired figure awkwardly.

jihoon scratches the back of his head, not knowing what to say. does he thank you? scold you for nearly getting beat up for him? risking your spot and position in the student council?

his thoughts clear as you begin rambling. he sighs internally hearing your panicked tone. “i know, i know! we’re not friends anymore and you didn’t want me to speak for you or to you anymore, i know. i’m sorry. i just… i care about you so so much, even if we're not friends. i never approached you after you caught me crying because i pitied you and felt it was my duty to be there for you. th-that was never the case. so please don’t be mad at me, we can go our separate ways after today. just know—“

jihoon grabs your arm, pulling you towards him so he could wrap his arms around you. he cups the back of your head and in a hushed tone says, “it’s okay. i’m sorry. i was wrong. it was my fault. i still wanna be with you. i was just lost for a moment, i’m sorry i hurt you. you didn't deserve to be treated like that by me. i hope you can forgive me even if i don’t deserve it.”

tears brim your eyes as you nod, sniffling. you hope he understands what you were trying to say wordlessly when you wrap your arms around his waist tightly, not wanting to be apart from him again.

jihoon never knew what to say to people, especially when it came to comforting someone. but then came you. and the words flowed so easily.

seven. because i like you

your phone buzzes in your pocket, you glance down cautiously, avoiding getting caught by your teacher. back then you would have never check your phone for anyone else, but you had started to for jihoon. you blame him for being a bad influence on you, but he said you were being a bad influence on yourself.

hoon: i’m in the music room rn. can we talk?

you: yes, please. i’ll be there in ten after my council meeting

you sigh. this felt like deja vu. hopefully, it wouldn’t end up too much like last time you both were in here though.

you turn the knob and pull the door open, making eye contact with a lee jihoon who was sitting on the ground, leaning against the wall.

he couldn’t even say a word as you let go of the door, closing it in your face. you were not as mentally prepared as you thought you were.

moments later, the door swings back open and you speed walk over to him, plopping down on the floor in front of him.

“sorry. i just needed a moment,” you mutter, looking down at your shoes.

he chuckles at your cute antics, “that’s okay.”

jihoon then pulls out a wrapped triangle gimbap in one hand and a yakult in the other, hands both outstretched to you.

you blink owlishly at the two snacks in his pretty hands as he sighs with a slight smile, “it’s for you. i know you didn’t get to buy lunch because your student council meeting just ended.”

when you still didn’t move after his explanation, jihoon just places it down in front of your legs.

“a-ah! thank you, jihoon! you didn’t have to…” you clear your throat, realizing how affected you sounded by his actions.

“i wanted to,” jihoon replies nonchalantly, taking off his jacket at the same time.

you peel back the wrapper of the gimbap with a throbbing heart and smile, also trying to change the subject before you combust, “is it hot in here?”

without a response, jihoon drapes his jacket over your legs, which were also sitting uncomfortably because of your skirt.

you look up at jihoon looking off to the side with timid eyes, “sorry, i shouldn’t have sat on the ground. you can use my jacket for now.”

you punch his shoulder with a giggle, thanking him as he groans.

“since when were you such a gentleman, gosh jihoon.”

he rolls his eyes in a joking manner, “since always, you just never notice.”

“sure sure. anyways, what…. did you want to talk about?”

the light and comfortable atmosphere and banter between the two of you just now had made you completely forget this was the first time you talked to jihoon after the junghyung incident. though it was only two days ago, you were busy talking to the principal and dealing with the whole situation, which left you no time until now to talk to him. which still wasn’t even enough time!

“oh yeah,” jihoon looks up from his lap to make eye contact with you, suddenly in a serious mood, “i just wanted to see how you were. did you get in trouble?”

“mm, yes and no? like principal han was pretty mad, but all those years of sucking up to her did me good because she said she still thinks i’m a good student, i just handled the situation wrong,” you say while trying to peel off the lid of the yakult.

jihoon notices, taking the drink from your hands and poking a straw through it for you…….

was he hiding the straw from you just so he could do that….cheeky idiot. anyways!

“continue?” jihoon inquires softly, handing the drink back to you.

“t-thanks. uhh, i have to make a formal apology to several classes tomorrow morning! i think just the classes in our hallway because those were the ones that gathered to watch us the most, which was so rude by the way?? why would they just stare and record? couldn’t someone get a teacher? ugh, but i also have to do a buuunch of community service this weekend with everyone who hates me now after the whole thing.”

jihoon frowns. he forgot that you defending him that day ended up making your friends distance themselves from you. he can’t help but feel at blame. at fault. did you even have friends anymore?

your eyebrows furrow when jihoon’s expression began to get cloudy and disturbed all of a sudden.

“jihoon? what’s up?”

“i’m sorry,” he replies almost instantly, making you blink in shock.

“i’m sorry that helping me that day made you get on bad terms with everyone. god, they’re your friends and fellow members… you’ll have to see them everyday a-and i made them all turn on you. i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have said anything to junghyung that day. i shouldn’t have let you talk to him. i shouldn’t have—“

you lean forward on your hands, landing a peck on jihoon’s cheek, successfully shutting him up from his intrusive thoughts.

“geez, jihoon… i thought you said you have trouble expressing your feelings! why are you only expressing the negative ones to me??”

jihoon’s cheeks grow and feel fiery as his hand goes up to his cheek, fingers ghosting over where your lips were just a moment ago. the feeling was still there.

not noticing his blushing state, you continue ranting, “even if i knew the outcome of that fight, i still would do it all again in a heartbeat. a heartbeat! i did it because i like you, okay? i wanted to. it’s not your fault, so why would you apologize?”

jihoon’s eyes shoot up to meet yours. “you like me?”

now it was your turn to become shy. did you really say that…?

your heartbeat pounds against your rib age, not knowing what to say. “do you?”

“yes. and i have for a while.”

you nod, managing to calm your heart. you suddenly find your gimbap very interesting now. “good. we’re on the same terms then.” but then you thought about how jihoon remembered you had meetings on wednesdays and never got the chance to eat lunch.

your heartbeat goes wild again. (gosh, him and his acts of service!!!)

jihoon shakes his head with a quiet laugh at your response, “i guess we are.”

sensing how you seemed very overwhelmed with the unexpected confession, which was not how he imagined you would react if he ever confessed (not that he imagined it or anything…..), he decided maybe making another move or establishing anymore between you two would be for another day. for now, he likes you and you like him. that’s enough for the both of you to be on cloud nine.

eight. closest to the heart

today was the day. lee jihoon will be giving you his nametag today because even though you kissed him that day, nothing has been established since you two refuse to talk about it! although you both can tell the other has some sort of interest or feelings for the other, that was all. nothing more, which was enough for a few days. then jihoon got sick of it and wanted to officially be yours.

hoon: music room after school?

you: yes but buy a cola for me this time too please

hoon: of course :)

you: last time you forgot

hoon: no i ran out of money and offered you mine anyways

you: you’re a bad liar

hoon: i’m sorry

you walk into the music room with a bright smile. any bad memories of this room were quickly replaced with fun, heart-aching memories of him. memories of spending all of lunch eating in here, gossiping away at your now ex-friends. memories of watching him in amazement as he composes a beautiful melody with the several instruments in this room just with the talent of his mind. memories of your feelings only growing more and stronger for him.

waiting for jihoon to arrive, you walk around the room, smiling at all the instruments jihoon has played for you. he was so different from you in such a good way. you who only took up extracurriculars for the sake of having something to put on a college application versus jihoon who did non-academic activities just because he genuinely found peace and joy in them. he was so amazing in your eyes. you wish he could see himself the way you saw him.

while scanning around the room, your eyes land on a piece of paper with writing on a table. you raise an eyebrow. barely anyone else comes here and jihoon always comes here with you? or so you thought?

you walk towards the paper, picking it up to read it. instantly, you recognized it to be jihoon’s writing. you have never met a boy with such nice handwriting before until him.

he had made a short bullet point list.

don’t stutter. look them in the eyes. don’t ramble and be straight to the point. be honest. finally, give them the—

a high-pitched yell interrupts your reading. “Y/N!!”

you yelp as jihoon comes speeding at you, swiping the paper off your hands and into his pocket.

he pants, a hand gripping the table as you look at him bewildered.

“jihoon, what the heck?”

“s-sorry, just boy stuff, you know?”

you stare at him with a blank expression, not believing his lie for a moment. “no, i don’t know.”

jihoon laughs awkwardly with gritted teeth, desperate to move on to another topic.

“oh! i have something to tell you! that’s why i asked you to come here today.”

you nod, gesturing for him to continue.

he clears his throat, fixes his posture, and takes a breath.

“y/n. i already told you this, but i want to tell you again. i like you. i’ve liked you since the early days of our friendship when you kept following me around and i tried to make you leave me alone by constantly saying that you talk too much. that was a lie. well, you do ramble, but i didn’t mind because i do too. i just didn’t know how to deal with such a pretty person wanting to talk to me every day.”

he smiles unconsciously because even the thought of you made him smile. just the thought of you alone.

“i began to like you more when you would come to the music room with me during lunch even when you said your friends wouldn’t stop complaining about it. i liked you more when you texted me good morning and goodnight, when you asked me if i ate, when you wanted to listen to my music, and when you were just you. i don’t think i’ve ever shown my music to someone before, but you’re a special person to me. you will always be a special person to me. and… i hope to be a special person to you as well…”

with a shaky hand, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his nametag. jihoon grabs your hand and places it in your palm, closing your hand around it.

your confused expression sends jihoon into a whirlwind of panic.

“i like you too, jihoon. you’ve always been a special person to me, though.” jihoon falters when you undo the pin of his name tag and attempt to pin it back on his uniform.

“are you rejecting me?”

the absolute seriousness but also slight wavering of his voice makes you nearly drop the name tag.

“what?” you shriek, “of course not! i thought we were making this official!”

jihoon thinks, trying to connect the dots together... nothing’s connecting.

“we are. and i wanna be your boyfriend…but why are you giving me back my name tag?”

you glance down at the his name tag in your hands puzzled.

“i thought you wanted me to pin it back for you. as in like ‘i like you so much here’s the honor of letting you pin my name tag on me,’” when you take in the horrified look on your now boyfriend’s face, you laugh awkwardly, “isn’t that what you wanted me to do?”

“no! oh my gosh, i would never confess to you in such a douchey way. ever. i just…” his words trail off when he realizes maybe you didn’t know what giving a name tag to someone meant. that never occurred as a possible situation in his head. and trust when i say he thought he mapped all the possible situations that would result from him confessing.

“wait, don’t you know what giving you my name tag means?”

you blink twice.

jihoon lets out a sigh of relief and then laughs at your adorable, lost state.

he collects himself, but one look at you makes him melt and throw his arms around you in a hug.

your breath halts when jihoon practically puts all his weight on you, snuggling his head into your neck.

his soft voice makes your body shiver.

“there’s basically this … tradition where a boy gives his name tag to his crush as a way to confess his love because name tags sit close to the heart.”

the wheels in your head begin turning again.

“so … in way, i’m giving you my heart.”

when you response with a sniffle, jihoon pulls back from the hug immediately.

“are you crying??” he looks at you with wide eyes, cradling your head.

you pout, “no, but i might. that’s so cute, jihoon. i love it so much.”

your hand grasps his name tag tighter. he just gave you his heart.

you pull his hand, closing the distance between you two once again.

you lean your head on his shoulder, whispering out five words so quiet so only he could hear, “i love you so much.”

“i love you too,” he responds almost immediately.

you hold in a giggle when you feel his pounding heart as he holds back a quip when he also hears your heart beating erratically in the silence and comfort of the music room.

nine. a love that lasts

“highschool love never lasts.” okay tell that to you and jihoon then.

“are you… crying??”

when those words slip from jihoon’s mouth, a sob escapes your throat.

you hid your face with your sleeve, tears falling nonstop and crying, “you wrote a song for me!”

jihoon gawks at you because he was baffled. were these good tears? bad tears? shocked tears? angry tears??? he should be good at reading your emotions by now! he’s been dating you for seven years now. eight years as of today because it was your relationship’s anniversary! and he's written you several songs before??

he stumbles out of his chair to you as you continue to cry (sob).

“y/n, what-what’s wrong? whatever i did, i’m sorry. it's my fault,” he sits beside you on the couch of this recording studio, rubbing your back comfortingly.

“no, you did nothing wrong at all,” you sniffle, “i just love the song so much. i love you so much.”

jihoon bites his lip, holding back a chuckle. he turns your face toward him with both of his hands, cupping your face so he could wipe your falling tears away with his thumbs.

his hands pause as he squeezes your cheeks. “i love you too. i’m glad you like the song so much. happy 8th anniversary, y/n. thank you for loving me all these years even though i was so difficult and still am.”

you close your eyes, more cries erupting as jihoon dares to laugh at you and pulls you in for a warm, but a crushing hug.

you sometimes wonder how you would’ve survived high school without jihoon. then and now, he has been someone who helped you breathe when things began to get overwhelming. he was your anchor. for jihoon, he was speeding through life, wanting to grow up as soon as possible. that was until he fell in love with you. you made him feel want to cherish his days and live happily. his life had meaning again. his days had the motivation to do more. you brought out the best in him.

he now begins to wonder how you’ll react when he pulls out the rings and asks the biggest question of his and your lives. however, he has a feeling it’ll be a good cry as well.

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ghost-in-the-corner · 6 months

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I just finished the Magnus Archives for the first time, and I'm just gonna get my thoughts out

When I started the podcast back in June, I was beginning a solo art installation based on botanical studies. When I say beginning, I mean I had just received the funding for it.

I'm a photographer first and foremost, but I also dabble in painting and creative nonfiction. What I did for the exhibition was take photos of plants in a region that had never been studied from a floral perspective before. I also gathered water from local sources to paint the landscapes, and wrote small prose pieces to go along with it.

The areas I went to for this project were very deep within the mountains. So remote, in fact, that the only person I'd see for days on end was the botanist I was working with.

As I write, that exhibition is being taken down. The finished pieces are being placed into storage by my funder after being shown for the past 2 months. I only found out about its ending last night, as I now live in the UK.

I'm writing all this because of the strange coincidence that my exhibition was ended prematurely right as I finish the podcast that got me through it. It's emotional, thinking about how I listened to Angler Fish as I was beginning my preliminary sketches, but I just finished Last Words editing a photo for a completely different project.

The Magnus Archives is, frankly, a lot to chew on. A good bit of food, mind you, but a lot. As someone studying to work in film theory (yes, I do too much, no, I don't sleep, no, I will not stop) it's rare to find any piece of media that is so deeply complex, yet is far more original than most other things today.

I could go on about so many different parts of the podcast. The moral implications of the actions and beliefs of the Archivist. The utilization of experiential creativity to draft a powerful, distinct narrative. The use of the medium to utilize the audience's imagination and force them to project their own experiences onto this concept. The debate over who may have truly had a choice and who had everything determined for them. I'll probably write more about this stuff in the future, and I haven't even begun to think about all the goofy stuff I could say.

The ending of my exhibition itself was rather unsatisfying for a number of reasons. But the ending of the Magnus Archives was anything but. That podcast was a masterfully crafted, uniquely original, and deeply thought-provoking narrative. I, frankly, don't have many words at the moment, and I believe it would be a disservice to my experience of the podcast to try and force anything beyond this out.

So, yeah. The Magnus Archives was phenomenal. This is not the last rant you'll be hearing from me about it.

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everybodyshusband · 9 months

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i can't remember which bits i've shared and which bits i haven't shared of this fic buuuuut i feel bad about the fact that it's almost been eight months since i posted the first chapter of the dysphoric, transmasc rain/swiss fic so here, have a little snippet of chapter two that's been sitting in my drafts for what feels like forever :'D

cw for one line that could be interpreted as suicidal thoughts

"You don’t have to tell me anything.” The multi ghoul's voice held so much softness and affection that Rain couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief. “But…” Shit. “If one of the reasons you feel so bad is because of something that happened earlier, then I need to know, baby. So, c’mon, talk to me?”

Rain shook his head, refusing to meet Swiss’s eyes.

“I can do yes and no questions for you, if that helps? But like I said, Rainy, I need to know.”

“...Fine.” Rain refused to admit—even to himself—just how difficult he found it to force that one simple word out.

“Thank you, baby,” Swiss smiled. “Was it something I did that made you feel uncomfortable?”

Rain shook his head, staring unblinkingly at his knees.

“Something I said?”

Rain hummed the affirmative and nodded slowly.

Swiss paused for a moment, considering. “Alrighty, I’m gonna need yah to speak for this one, okay? Just a few words, baby. D’you think you can manage that for me?” He waited for Rain to nod his assent—albeit very, very hesitantly—before continuing on. “Which words made you feel the most uncomfortable, Rain?”

He paused at this, chewing on his bottom lip and glancing up at Swiss as he considered how to answer the multi’s question properly; in a way that wouldn’t permanently alter Swiss’s entire perception of him, or that would let Swiss still believe that all was right in the world, and his partner wasn’t some freak of nature created—disfigured—by a botched summoning. Saying: “when you called me ‘good girl’ it made me want to tear my skin off, request that Dewdrop to burn me into ash, and find some poor, unknowing soul to throw my charred remains into the ninth circle to suffer as I deserve” was definitely true for the most part, but Swiss already seemed worried enough as it was; he didn’t deserve to be any more worried than he had to be. Rain had to be careful about this. “I didn’t like the– The good– The good– The–” His breath hitched in a sob. He couldn’t even say it out loud. Sathanas.

“Rain, baby, take your time. There’s no rush, yeah? This conversation doesn’t have a time limit we need to stick to."

Rain wanted to open his mouth and scream at Swiss that there was; there was a time limit. Mountain could be back at any second, and if he saw Swiss conversing with Rain, even if it was clear Swiss was trying to reassure the water ghoul, Mountain would likely tell Swiss to fuck off and come back another time, or not at all. The earth ghoul always means well, but Rain has found he can be a little… overbearing at times—although, honestly, Rain wouldn’t mind Mountain coming in right now and forcing Swiss out; at least it would mean avoiding this conversation for a while longer.

#rain ghoul #swiss ghoul #nameless ghouls #the band ghost #rulti #husband wips #transmasc rain

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sylkiddsey · 8 months

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Here’s a little snippet of an AU that has been rotting in my drafts forever and maybe posting a part of it will spark some inspiration again :)

:::::

Prove It

Sylvie Brett moves to Chicago the second her divorce goes through. It’s inevitable she and Harrison split. He never understood her to begin with.

She wanted to work. He forced her home to cook and clean. She wanted a social life. He practically chained her to the front porch. She loved helping people. He loved destroying her spirit.

They lasted a year until she couldn’t take it anymore. She no longer cared if she disappointed her family. She didn’t care whether the town would gossip or how her life would be hell if she left him.

She serves the papers, signs them and leaves Indiana for Chicago. It’s the city of dreams after all and she’s sick of living a nightmare.

She obtains her paramedic license and starts floating around at the stations. It’s not a permanent position, but at least it’s something. She’s still able to do the job she loves even if it’s for one shift at a time.

After a month bouncing around firehouses, she impresses the Chief at house three. It’s small, consisting of one fire truck and one Ambo, and overpopulated by men, but she’s just happy to land somewhere.

Her partner, Chris Rosales is older than her and quite the showboat. He has a reputation for treating women like shit and it’s spot on. He’s either objectifying her or ridiculing her work. There is no in between, but she’s no stranger to interacting with jerks. Harrison gave her enough practice to last a life time.

He invites her to an event for The Gaffeny Medical Center. She’s worried it’s a prank, but then he produces the pamphlet out of his pocket. It’s a legit invite so she goes.

She squeezes into her favorite black dress, straightens her hair and applies a a pink shade of lipstick that’s strawberry flavored on her lips. Rosales of course whistles when she arrives and the rest of house 3 all make comments about how they’d pay money for her to give them mouth to mouth.

Safe to say, she needs a drink. She orders a martini, chewing on the olive while her parade of pigs engage in a conversation about sex and scoring.

“I bet Brett’s never made a move on anyone,” one of the engine crew says. He scratches his mustache and winks. “We all know you’re not bold.”

They don’t know anything about her. Hell, no one has ever asked her a single question in the last month and a half that didn’t have to do with her body. She feels like an object that all the guys chose so they could stare.

She wishes she had another woman at the small house besides Lucinda (who doesn’t like her either since Sylvie’s younger and the new eye candy).

She scoffs. “You’re wrong once again, Kipper.”

Rosales claps a hand on her back, stinging the skin and causing her to spill her drink. “Bullshit. We all know you’re a prude.”

A prude? She’s not that! Well, she’s not super flirty or anything, but she’s not timid either.

“What? You all think I’m a wimp?” She asks the table.

“Pretty much,” another man says. What’s worse, is he’s the most bearable one of the group. Sure, Max is just as sexist, but he never leers at her in the locker room like everyone else.

“You’re vanilla,” Chris shrugs, as if that’s the simplest fact in the world.

She took all those assumptions without a word in Indiana, but she’s not doing that again. She’s a new woman after moving to Chicago and frankly, she’s sick of their bullshit.

She tips the rest of the martini in her mouth. “Oh, you guys are so wrong about me. I’m not bland or a wimp.”

“Prove it,” Kipper challenges.

She sure will. She’s tired of being underestimated. That ends tonight. “I will. What do you want me to do? Climb up on the table and shimmy my hips?” She’s hoping that isn’t their plan, but she’s so fired up that’s she’s willing to do it.

“Hell, yeah,” Max grins.

Rosales nudges him. “Um, no. That’s too easy.” He looks around the room at the assortment of medical professionals dressed to the nines. She sees his wheels turning. “Ask one of these guys out. Better yet, make out with one of them.”

Of course the bet would be so sleazy. She shouldn’t have expected more from Rosales. “You’re not serious. I don’t know anyone and I’m not gonna jump them without consent.”

Her ambo partner purses his lips. “Vanilla.”

Nope. This is not happening. Screw the rules and common decency. She’s not about to let Rosales go home smug and gloating. She’ll grow a pair and kiss someone here. Most of them are probably doctors or rich donors anyway. She’ll never see them again.

Oh god, this is entirely crazy, but she’s not looking like wimp. She sets her glass down. “Fine. Prepare to eat your words.”

She leaves, shivering a little because their eyes are no doubt glued to her ass. Whatever happens next, they’ll see.

It’s just a random stranger. It’s fine. Most men here by themselves have to be single. She passes a few couples, searching the crowd for the simplest target.

She brushes past a man about twice her age because she’s not going to kiss someone so old. That won’t make her look great. She just needs to find a nice looking guy who won’t cuss her out for essentially jumping his bones.

Doubt creeps in as she navigates the crowd. Maybe she could cause some sort of scene to make them forget about this stupid bet? If she collapses, surely they won’t force her to kiss someone.

She’s planning the most believable way to fall to the floor when she spots a man leaning against the wall, separate from any crowd or beautiful girl.

He looks somewhat familiar, but she’s probably reaching. Maybe he’s a doctor? She could’ve seen him at the hospital.

He’s in a navy suit, sleeves rolled up with a glass of whiskey in his hand. Truthfully, he’s a very attractive man. She thinks if she kisses him, her annoying house will commend her for choosing someone out of her league.

He catches her staring, and she thinks it’s now or never. Screw it. Her reputation means more than one embarrassing kiss with a complete stranger. Well, a possible, but incredibly hot stranger.

His eyes track her movements, most likely expecting an introduction or conversation. He raises an eyebrow when she crowds his space.

Just do it, Sylvie. You have a lot riding on this.

She looks behind her shoulder to make sure they don’t miss her victory. There’s no way in hell she’s doing this twice.

She faces the attractive stranger again, who seems very confused by her actions. She doesn’t blame him and she hopes he doesn’t blame her for this.

Sylvie grabs the back of his neck and pulls his face to hers. She kisses him slowly, making sure Rosales can’t accuse her of chickening out with just a peck.

Cute stranger freezes, but quickly complies with her movements. He kisses her back and she takes it a step further, pushing them flush against the wall.

No way those idiots can ever refer to her as Vanilla.

She’s thoroughly enjoying this kiss. Mystery guy tastes amazing, like chocolate and whiskey. He smells great too so she’s in no hurry to end this, but she can’t breathe much longer without air.

She pulls away, gasping. And oh god, what is she supposed to say to him? She ambushed his lips out of nowhere. He probably thinks she’s insane.

She glances behind her shoulder again. Kipper’s jaw is on the floor and Max looks like he’s on the verge of tears. Rosales looks resentful and victory has never tasted so good.

Or maybe it’s the man out of her league that tastes great.

Mission accomplished. She’s satisfied but also incredibly mortified because the poor unsuspecting party guest is staring at her in utter surprise.

“Sorry,” she mumbles, fixing her lipstick with her finger. She doesn’t want to explain to him how she kissed him to prove a point to a table of pervs behind her. “So sorry.”

She detangles herself from his arm, speed walking towards the table as fast as she can so she can grab her purse and leave.

“That too vanilla for you?” She asks the guys, stealing Max’s bourbon and chugging it in one gulp. “See you on shift.”

There’s no way she did that. She winds her way through the crowd and out the lobby doors. Harrison would go into heart failure to learn she kissed some random stranger for the hell of it.

Wow, she feels electric.

#chicago fire #my writing #writing wip #matt casey #sylvie brett #brettsey #season 5 #AU #so much potential #so little motivation

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sp00kycrumpet · 4 months

Text

Paradise (10/10)

Pairing: Javi Gutierrez x f!reader

Rating: E

Tags: Javi is baby, fluff, holiday romance, Nick Cage is Nick Cage, reader is bilingual

Warnings: swearing

Summary: Working as Nicholas Cage's personal assistant was your favourite job; so when he asked you to accompany him to Mallorca for this birthday party he'd been invited to, you were more than happy to go. What you didn't anticipate was the host himself.

Will also be posted on my AO3

(Part One) (Part Two) (Part Three) (Part Four) (Part Five)

(Part Six) (Part Seven) (Part Eight) (Part Nine)

Hello!! Thank you so much for your support this year~~ I have a handful of more works I've been sitting on for a while (writers block, am I right?) So watch this space!! I'm open to ideas, inputs etc~

Happy Holidays and have an amazing new year! See y'all in 2024!! 💚✨

In the months that followed, you split your time between New York for work and Mallorca to see Javi. Everyone back home was an equal mix of surprised and happy when you told them of your relationship, proudly showing off photos of your gorgeous boyfriend whenever you got the opportunity. Every time you visited, Javi would spoil you with gifts and romantic dates.

But your favourite thing was to curl up on his couch together and watch movies, he always had one of your hands in his. Playing with your fingers or pressing little kisses to your knuckles. You would never grow tired of his constant physical affection, you craved it just as much as he did and you would always do the same with him. Always needing an arm around him or just to touch him in some way. Sometimes he'd still have to work while you visited, and you'd lounge around in his office with a book or doing your own work. It was getting closer to his and Nick's movie finally being made, and he was pouring over the final draft of the script one afternoon when you were over. You'd tried reading but found your gaze kept wandering over to him, the little frown between his brows as he concentrated or the way he'd absent mindedly chew on the end of his pen he was making notes with. You couldn't believe this wonderful man was all yours, it pulled a smile over your lips as you watched him. Even focussed on his work, he looked beautiful. He paused after a moment, lowering his pen like he was about to write when he spoke.

"Cariño. You're staring at me again." He muttered before glancing up to you from under his lashes. You tried to quickly hide your face in your book but he'd caught you red handed.

"Can you blame me? You look so handsome being all serious." You grinned, Javi chuckling as he shook his head. You pushed yourself up, wandering over to stand behind him before sliding your arms around his shoulders after pressing a kiss to the back of his head. He lifted a hand to rest it against your arms, his thumb stroking your skin. "You must be bored." You shook your head, resting your chin lightly against the top of his head.

"I could watch you for hours. But I don't want to keep distracting you… I might go take a bath." You hummed, Javi making a noise of agreement, clearly lost in his reading again. You smiled and kissed the top of his head. "Yeah, I'm going to go do that then I'll make dinner for us okay?" Javi leaned back against you, tilting his head as you ducked down to rest your head against his shoulder.

"That sounds wonderful. I'm sorry I'm so distracted today, Nick wants this back by the end of the week so I wanted to do as much as possible so I can give you the attention you deserve." You grinned and pressed a kiss to his neck before pulling away to head out of the room.

"Don't worry. I'll be back in a bit, okay?" Javi nodded a little, disappearing back into the script.

"Okay. Love you." He muttered before you both froze, the words hanging in the air. You paused with your hand on the door handle. It was the first time either of you had said those words, and it was so casual and natural. You turned to look at him, Javi staring up at you with wide eyes. Almost looking terrified that you'd bolt from the room, never to return after he said it.

"What was that?" You asked, Javi swallowing and looking as nervous as the day you'd first kissed. His lips moved but words failed him momentarily.

"I'm sorry. I-It just -" You cut him off before he could ramble through an apology and excuse.

"Say it again." Was all you said, Javi taking a breath as he watched you. Your heart was doing somersaults in your chest, you knew you loved him but was always worried it might be too soon to say it. You'd added it to the end of numerous texts before deleting it out of fear he wasn't there yet.

"I love you." He breathed, that nervous energy radiating off of him as you moved closer to him. His eyes stayed glued to you as you stood in front of him, your hands reached out to cup his face in them and a smile broke out across your lips. You could see the worry in his eyes, how his mind would be frantically trying to pull the words together to explain himself or prepare for you saying something bad. But you just leaned down and pressed your lips against his tenderly. His shoulders finally relaxed as he reached for you and gently pulled you into his lap.

"You're not freaked out?" He asked when you leaned back, brushing your fingers through his messy hair. You shook your head.

"No, because I absolutely, undoubtedly love you too." He grinned at you, peppering kisses all over your face.

"Thank God. I was scared for a moment there, I think my heart actually stopped!" He laughed, holding you close. His work and your bath were forgotten for now as you kissed him.

"Say it again." You mumbled against his lips, Javi grinning.

"I love you. Te amo." He repeated it over and over, switching between English and Spanish as he often did, pressing kisses to your lips between each admission.

"I love you so much Javi." He grinned, cuddling you against his chest with a content sigh.

Once the movie was finally started, Javi came to stay in New York. At first he'd booked into a hotel, but that proved a waste of money when most nights he'd end up in your bed. So you surprised him by giving him a key to your apartment and told him to just stay there. It felt so nice to come home and find him there, or to see his shoes by yours at the door. Simple domestic touches that made you fall in love with him over and over again. As the movie gained attention, so did Javi. People were curious about Nicholas Cage's new best friend, his social media exploded with followers and companies wanting to work with him after Nick had informally introduced him to the world and convinced Javi to do a few interviews. He ended up doing a couple of photoshoots with brands who wanted to work with him, the internet loved him. He wasn't an actor but his charm and handsome looks meant he built up a fanbase, people were stopping him in the street for photos or to just talk to him. The world loved him. He was so open and honest constantly, even down to talking candidly about how he and Nick only met because Javi was such a fanboy and had invited him to his birthday party. That and the fact that he was so honest about your relationship. In numerous interviews, he'd gush about how Nick had made so many of his dreams come true - including finally finding true love. You'd been caught in photos with Nick in the past, being his assistant meant you were often at most events he attended; so it didn't take fans long to work out you were Javi's true love he so often spoke of. Twitter almost exploded when Javi finally created an Instagram account and his first post was a photo of the two of you at his birthday party alongside a photo of you both on a date night at his compound. It was crazy but Javi was loving it, despite constantly being nervous about events or interviews - he found it was actually fun.

The night of the premier though, Javi was so nervous he couldn't eat. He paced your apartment, calling Nick to check everything was ready to go and trying to calm his nerves. He looked so handsome in his black suit, he'd cut his hair but it still had its unruly curls that added to his look. He was standing in the living room, fiddling with his tie when you emerged from the bedroom.

"Javi, you look incredible, stop fussing." You chuckled softly, pausing to lean against the counter to pull your heels on. He turned to face you and paused, just watching you as you stood up straight and smoothed your hands over your dress. You looked up and blinked at the fact that he was staring.

"Do I look okay…?" You asked, glancing down at the floor length dress you'd bought. It was sleek with slender straps over your shoulders and a slit in the skit that stopped about midthigh on the left side. A classic red carpet dress.

"Okay? You look absolutely breathtaking." Javi replied, momentarily forgetting his nerves as he stepped closer to you. Even now, you still got shy over the way he looked at you with so much love and adoration. His hands came to rest on your waist as he pulled you close, whispering words of adoration in Spanish before he kissed your lips. You grinned and leaned into him, sliding your hands up his chest.

"Javi. We have to go soon." He pouted softly, nudging his nose cutely against your iaw.

"I'm too nervous. Can't we stay here and go after?" You chuckled, his fingers squeezing your waist subtly. Javi was already very physically affectionate, but when his nerves got the better of him, it made his need for physical affection stronger. A few times you'd almost missed interviews because that need had turned into something more.

"Javier Gutierrez. You'll be the death of me." You teased as he peppered little kisses along your bare shoulder. "You've worked so hard on this movie, you can't miss the premier." He huffed out a sigh and opted to just nuzzle his face against your neck. "You'd think with how much literally everyone adores you, you'd be insanely confident. But you're still my shy Javi. And I love that about you. Sometimes though, we have to put on a brave face and just do it." He nodded, lifting his head to look at you. He knew you were right but he was still nauseatingly nervous.

"Thank you for coming with me." You shook your head, carefully smoothing your fingers through his styled hair.

"Admittedly, I used to daydream about walking the red carpet. But actually doing it, is quite nerve wracking. But we have each other for support. We got this." Javi smiled softly, watching you before he stepped back and held out a hand to you.

"Let's go. Before my nerves get the better of me." You smiled, sliding your hand into his with a hum in your throat.

The red carpet was more intimidating once you stood at the end of it. You tried to hang back a bit but Javi insisted you were in the photos with him, your heart was pounding so loud that you could barely hear the press yelling for you both to look their way but Javi's hand against your lower back kept you grounded. Your favourite photo from the night was one where the two of you were looking up at each other and smiling, it was one taken when you were both arriving to the after-party before Javi's interview with Vanity Fair and they'd used it as the main photo on their article as well. You were living in a beautiful dream you never wanted to wake up from, as long as Javi was by your side, you were happy.

#no use of y/n #pedro pascal #the unbearable weight of massive talent #javi g x reader #javier gutierrez #javi g x you #javi x you #javi

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