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rosietaeyongswife · 3 years

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black orphan |l.ty

genre: angst, smut mafia!taeyong, taeyonxreader, mafia au

tw: mentions of dead, murders, bad language, sex, mafia, mafia stuff

summary: being daugther of people who are hierarchy..well known around south korea isn’t very nice especially when they’re mafia and you killed them. u know what also isn’t easy? taking care of your younger sister.

authors note: pls if you have time it would be nice if you could read this it’s about lately thing with chinese idols. i explain there why some people should stop spreading hate on them and that it’s not really their fault.

when you were child you didn’t understand what were your parents doing. you only knew you were rich. private schools. everything you want. most expensive clothes. everything. trip to hot country in middle of the winter? no problem. you and your sister minhee had everything. but your father and mother didn’t forget to teach you that you need to work for what you have.

you were always amazed by your parents untill you were 16 years old and started to understand what they are doing for living. your parents were killers and drug sellers. you couldn’t belive it at first but with time you understood. that’s how your family is living. that’s how kim’s family is living. with time you learned about mafia life and your parents business. your father made sure that his daughter is going to take care of their business one day.. exactly - one day. one night your mother was standing in front of you with smile.

“y/n you are getting married.” she smiled wider. “he is son of rich man who can be needed.”

“what?”

they wanted you to marry some 40 years old man and sell your younger sister because they would had only benefits. it was this time when it hits you.

you are just 24 years old, are you really going to kill your parents? answer is yes. few weeks ago you poisoned your parents and made sure that everyone would think that their heart stopped. because of this you were now the owner of kim hierarchy. now you are boss.

you were sitting at conference room with jackson when someone called you.

“yes honey?” you smiled. “how much do you need? okay. take my credit card. yes it’s fine.”

you hung up. it was minhee. she needed some money so you gave it to her.

“it was minhee right?”

“how do you know?”

“you always smile this way when you are talking with minhee.”

“damn jackson. you know me too well.” jackson chuckled. “so now. how is the deal with sagurako family?”

“i think they don’t want to pay us.”

you could only smile.

“they really don’t take me seriously.” you sighed. “kill his son.”

“ok, how and when?”

“whatever. tell jaebum that it’s job for him.”

“yes sir.”

you really weren’t in mood to games. you just want money and nothing else. is this that hard? pay what they own you? your parets exactly but they are dead so you should take money, right? they don’t matter same as their children. they have five kids so one less isn’t big deal.

when you were sitting by your desk you heard someone. it was yugyeom. you sighed and walked to the coridor.

“why the fuck are you so loud?”

“because bambam is stupid idiot.”

“what? no!” he shout. “he almost kill me.”

“whatever. be quiter.”

“y/n wait!” yugyeom looked in to your eyes. “someoe was following minhee when she was at school and then with her friends.”

hearing this made you upset. you know that you have much more enemies than friends but you had hope that minhee isn’t going to be part of their hit list.

“bambam take me home i need to talk with her.”

“what are you going to do?” yugyeom was looking at you confused. he knows very well that you don’t play games. “are you going to kill somebody again?”

“ew no. she is going to have home school. ask youngjae or mark to hire someone ok?”

“yes.��

your sister safety is your priority. she didn’t do anything wrong and she is innocnt teen. you couldn’t let someone to hurt her or even worse. of course minhee knew that yours family works in dirty business but she doesn’t know much. and it should stay like this. minhee isn’t going to take your company one day. you can’t do it. if you won’t be dead to your 60s you would give company to your child or something but at this moment it isn’t time to think about this.

the whole house was clean. junmyeon was here for sure. you smiled softly. take off your coat and boots. first thing you did was to drink some watter. drinking watter is important especially for your brain’s work. when you were done you went to find your sister.

“minhee!” you looked around your house but you didn’t hear her back. sighing you went to check her and you could hear she was talking with someone. “minhee!”

you walked in and first thing you saw was her with phone.

“i’m sorry. didn’t hear you.”

“yeah, it’s okay. are you fine?”

“yes. everything is fine. something happend?”

“you not gonna attend school anymore. you will have home lessons. you know teacher will be here with you.” you shrugged.

“what? no way!”

“you can’t do anything about this.”

“you can’t lock me there! the fuck y/n! i have friends there.”

“they can come to house.”

“but no..wtf. i don’t want to.”

“it’s for your safety.” you tried to hug her. “i know it’s not cool and all but i don’t have any other choice.”

minhee was looking at you with only hate in her eyes.

“are you trying to lock me down? just like parents did to you?”

“no, of course no! it’s not it.” you took package of ciggs. “i don’t want to see that you are dead. someone is following you. if you still be arguing you’ll be dead soon.”

“w-who is following me?”

“i don’t know. jackson hire some teacher and some bodyguards so i hope you’ll be safe here if no then i have to send you to china.”

“china?”

“yes to our uncle.”

“why the fuck i can’t live normal live.”

“listen. you can’t choose family but you should be grateful for us. for what you have. i work hard for everyting we achhived.”

“how? by killing people? it’s a job for you?” she smirked. “you are exactly like parents. what else do you do? drugs? murders? are you selling people?”

“done! i’m fuckin done. you can’t leave the house for next week. better accept how things are going because i’m not gonna let you talk to me like that.” you were pissed of. “you didn’t even know them well, what can you know? you acting like i don’t care about you even tho it’s not true.”

minhee didn’t feel bad about what she said. she was mad at you because she didn’t want to be in home. she wants to explore. you exactly know that she doesn’t want to live the way the whole your family is living. and you also don’t want her to live the same just like you. so sending her to china is the best option. uncle isn’t in mafia and all dirty stuff the rest of the family members do so minhee can be safe there.

your sister didn’t talk with you by the whole week. you didn’t really care because you have so much work to do. kinda proud because you made japanese family to pay you the money they owned to your parents so you were satisfied. everything went fine. things are nice so are you. no worries by the whole time. only thing you are upset about is that your family want to meet. family meeting sounds nice? no. there is going to be other mafia because remember guys - if there is family meeting that means there is going to be make big deals.

jackson with the rest of the boys were standing next to you.

“you look pretty.” mark said looking at you with a smile. “but where is minhee?”

“told her that she has 5 minutes untill i go there.”

“yes sir.”

you smiled. nothing can make your day worse. you are clever person so it turns out that you made a lot of big deals so now you are just swimming in the money to be honest. everything is so fine like never and nothing can upset you. not even this damn dinner with your family and others because you’ll be there with your people.

“minhee please we don’t have time. grandma will be mad.”

“i don’t care. i don’t want to.”

you could only sighed. walking in her bedroom made you feel like teenager again. she was kind of similiar to you but at the same time she was so different. you took her hairbrush and started brushing her hair while looking in to her eyes in the mirror.

“you are so beautiful minhee. can you see it?” she nod. “everyones eyes are going to be on us. especially you because you are younger. behave there honey ok? they won’t like acting up or something. also be ready for all the compliments.” you smiled softly. “plus.. i can’t have eyes on you whole night so be careful. if someone is bothering you..” you lean to her ear “you know what to do.”

she nodded and stand up. ready to go and show off. you are y/n and minhee kim. you are prestige family and nobody can tell otherwise.

the place was huge and expensive. you knew your family like things like that but not that much. without thinking your people with you at the front walked in welcomed by some people who were smilling at you.

“mrs.kim?”

“it’s me.”

“welcome madam. have fun.”

slight smile goes on your lips and disaper quickly. and here you are. all eyes on you and your crew. smile and confident walk by you was really indimidiating. you knew your presence here was cherry on top. your parents died in mysterious conditions and here you are leading kim’s company. isn’t it suss? it is and you know it well but it’s only made you proud. your parents were problematic and were problem not only for you but for the family and co-workers. jelous eyes of wifes and girls were on you. to be honest, you are one of the prettiest and hottest woman there and that’s why you are just eye-catching.

the long table was place where you and minhee should stay. your people found place to themselfs, and when they were gone you noticed that by the table was sitting bosses of others organizations.

“good evening grandma.” you goes to hug her and asked minhee to do so. “i missed you so much.”

“is this my little y/n? sunshine i missed you. how are you?” she was worried. this woman was someone who you wish were your mother. she was the only one who cares about you. your mother or father never told you “i love you” it was your precious grandma who always was making sure to say “i love you” no matter what. “is everything fine?”

“i’m fine. everything is the best. business is going really well. you know.. zeros on bank account are only growing.” you smiled. “what about you? health?”

“i feel like i’m in my 30s.” she was only 70 years old but she felt way younger. “you know even tho your grandpa is pain in ass i’m fine. i’m so happy that now you are leading business.” she smirked. “my son and his -be sorry god- wife were failure. they have never made this much money like you do.”

“grandma thank you. it’s not such a big deal.”

“it is. i’m proud of you. i’m proud that you are leading something to be even bigger.” tear came down my cheek. “and you minhee. what about you?”

“everything is okay i guess.”

“is something bothering you?” everyone were looking at your sister and you knew what she is going to say.

“i feel kinda grounded but it’s okay.”

“what?”

“y/n made me stop attend private school and have home schooling.”

“it’s against your wish?”

“yes.”

you were now kinda mad at your sister. you know well that she said that because she still doesn’t agree with idea of home schooling and china.

“let me make things clear grandma. someone was following her and i love her too much to let someone hurt her. it’s the safest in our home.”

your grandma sighed like everyone else in family.

“minhee you are still too immature and too young to understand things. let your sister work and decide. she is doing everything for your best.” your grandpa said while he was drinking his wine.

“but i have friends there. i have thing i’m interested in school and now i’m going to be grounded.”

you couldn’t listen her anymore what notice your another uncle.

“minhee just let things happen. can we talk about something else? as you can see we have guests by these table.” he looked around.

and that was the time when minhee must leave. you looked at her and she disaper. anothers girls and boys who were teens also disaper leaving the elders and bosses.

“okay so let’s talk.” your grandpa said. “my son is such a dumbass and made debts. also. police was suspecting you to be the one who killed your parents my dear y/n.”

boss of nct, bts and monstax looked at you. you just smiled at them.

“there is no proof. i made sure to done work.” you took your glass of wine. “i’m more pro than my parents was, right? i don’t think someone is crying because of their loss.”

you interested taeyong. he has never seen a person who openly talk about murder. about parents murder. you were that cofident that it makes him like you. he could see clearly that you don’t fuck with others.

“mother will you let her get away with this? he still was your son.”

“will you talk like that if you knew that he signed documents about taking over your wealth? and everyone else?” you took a sip.”seokhyun you are so fuckin dumb. i hope you know why i don’t have respect for you right?” you smirked “you are pain in as..you remind me of some boy who was bothering minhee. you know what did i do with him?” he shook his head no “i shot him in front of his parents eyes. be careful.”

“what else you know?” grandpa took another bottle of wine.

“i know so much that i could easily take over business of everyone here.” you smiled. “father hide money in japan. i guess no one knows why there but it doesn’t matter. i have deal for mr. lee taeyong.”

taeyong smiled over you. he was glad that he is going to make deal with big mrs. kim y/n.

“i listen to you lady.”

“i know your handsome and eye-catching member named yuta nakamoto is japanese and he runs your business there. let’s say i need him. i want your help with finding money in japan.”

“i want 40% from this.”

“you want too much. it’s almost half of the money i would get. it’s not worth it. you are only finding money that are basically belonging to me.”

you weren’t dumb. you knew that it’s way too much.

“what is your proposition?”

“i can give you 20%.”

“deal. i’m glad i’m going to work with you mr. kim.”

“same here mrs.lee i hope you not gonna fail.” he smiled. “i want to also say something. time is ticking mr. seo. and you know what happend.”

lee taeyong stod up and leave to his members table. you looked confused at wife of your cousin jongdae.

“what happend?”

“it’s matter between me and him. please don’t ask questions.”

“okay so i can begin now.” namjoon said slightly annoyed. “what with our collaboration mrs.kim.” he was looking annoyed at your grandma

“i said i don’t know.”

“please.. my boys were working for you. i think we would be giant.”

you were looking at them and thinking. what the fuck. you knew that bts are doing good but you also heard about their debts.

“no. if my lovely grandma said no then it’s no.” you didn’t look at him but at your glass full of wine.”don’t you want collaboration with my grandma and granpa just to pay off your debts and bills?”

everyone was looking at your table because everyone heard it. whole nct were looking at you with shock same with bts and bosses of other mafies were spechless same with shownu.

“aren’t you too mean? it’s none of your business y/n. it’s thing between me and your grandparents.”

“exactly. and i’m not going to look how you want to take their whole wealth. how much money do you need? we can borrow you but you know.” you stand up like namjoon did few seconds ago just to come closer. “deadline is short period of time. and consequences are really big.” you smiled. “ask chan what happend when he was late with money.”

namjoon was standing there embarrased and paralaized. you come at him and he didn’t like it. but you weren’t afraid. you are at too strong position to be moved by little kim namjoon.

“okay. borrow me a three milion dollars and i’m going to return them back.”

“sure. jackson!” you said. “make collab with my grandma but remember that i have eyes all around and i will notice if there is less money than it should be. you have month to pay me back.” jackson give you both piece of paper when you signed it. “sign it.”

“thank you and yes. month and you will have your money back.”

after this everything went smooth. no fights. just paceful event. by the time it was time to dance and you were asked by your cousin jongdae to dance but soon enough you were dancing with lee taeyong.

“i didn’t know you were that mean and that strong.” he said while his hands were on your waist and yours around his neck.

“i don’t like playing games with someone who isn’t worht it.”

“and i like it.” he smirked. “you seem to be good player aren’t you?”

“maybe i am. mr.taeyong why are you even here?” he was confused. “i clearly see that you and your men don’t want to be there.”

“are you watching us?”

“shouldn’t i?”

“i guess you should. it scary talking with girl who killed own parents.”

you could only smile. you aren’t afraid of anything and no one will make you feel regret. your parents deserved this and if you wouldn’t kill them they would ruin your life and your family lifes. and y’all don’t deserve this at all. your parents were selfish since you’ve been child. when there was no minhee your only friend was maid and chef. they were talking with you and play with you and your toys just to not feel alone. beside of them you had your grandparents. your grandma loved you like you were her daughter. she always made sure to say “i love you” and to check on you. and your grandpa? he would be proud and happy to walk you to your kindergarten and take care of you along with your grandma. and your parents? they didn’t care. they just thougth about money. more money and even more money. your mother was mean if she had to stay with you. she would just left you in your bedroom with toys and goes to her friend or to watch tv. and father? he didn’t even talk with you. he started to talk when he wanted you to be part of mafia.

he taught you everything you need to know. and because of their lack of love and your knowledge of things you shouldn’t know about you are like this today. cold and emotionless. no one really show your love (not including your grandparents). kids at shool were afraid of you becasue they knew who you were and their parents didn’t allow them to play with you. in high school they didn’t want to be in touch with girl whose family is gangsters and who could kill anyone they want. you even hadn’t any best friend. no one.

“it’s not scary. they deserved this.” you were closer. “sometimes you need to get rid of your enemies and i’m sure they were one.”

“am i your enemy?”

“if you will help me you’ll be my friend.”

since then you haven’t talked with family members. you didn’t need to. also minhee was more distant than usually. you even noticed that she is leaving and coming back late at night. you just had hope that she isn’t causing any problems. but when she was gone for two days and came back like nothing happend it makes you feel mad. mark and youngjae were nice enough to follow her around and found out that she is dating someone. minhee was dating and you didn’t even know. also, it seems like they know each other really well and are together since the very long time.

you were fine with it. she is 18. she can date anyone. you didn’t even care about this that she doesn’t tell you but it’s okay. it’s hers life after all. but when she were gone for a week and she doesn’t contact with you.. boy, you were really mad. minhee just disapear and have no signs of live.

“y/n you need to calm down. she for sure is fine.” mark said “she is teenager, something like this happens.”

“but i do so much for her, why she is like this?” bambam was looking at you with sad eyes. he knew he shouldn’t feel this way but he hates your sister and seeing you hurt was really.. bad feeling. he knew how much effort you put to raise her well and take good care of. “i don’t understand. she just could told me that she want to go somewhere or something. i’m sick of it.”

“y/n.. we got it. i think she could leave with her boyfriend. yugyeom is checking him.” jackson hugged you tightly. “she is fine. minhee is strong.”

“and naive. she doesn’t even know how to defend herself what if he is going to hurt her?”

“maybe no? we don’t know.”

when you were sitting in your office you didn’t know back then that person who is lover of your sister is who he is. reading his info was really surprising to you. it was unbeliveble. member of nct.

sound of your heels could be hear in headquarter of nct. your usually outfit on you - dark coat and black boots above your knees. people called you black orphan because of the fact that you are orphan basically and because you only dressed in black.

members of nct who noticced you were whispering something about black orphan being here. you were walking slowly don’t even bother to look at them. you had goal - find minhee. jackson and rest of the boys were behind you and were in the line. like always.

“excuse me, what are you doing here?” man named mark was in front of you. “i don’t remember that you were invited.”

“i don’t need invitation.” you growled. “better find kim minhee and park jisung.”

face of mark knew that is going to happen and why are you here. taeyong and rest of the members of nct couldn’t belive that jisung is letting his girlfriend stay in their place. taeyong was against and mad because he found out by accident when he was checking bathroom and minhee was going to bathroom. he almost killed her.

when mark was about to go your sister and her s/o were near. minhee was looking at you surprised. she knew you could find her but didn’t think that you would come to nct.

“i count to 10 and we coming home.”

“i’m not leaving.” she hissed. “i’m sick of being under your control.”

“what is this noise here?” taeyong appeard in his hallway. the crowd of his people were looking around whole argument.

“you living with my money that i worked for. i pay your bills and all. i’m doing everything for you to have amazing life. why don’t you understand that you will never be normal girl? you will never. you will always be “daughter of mafia” or “sister who hate her parents”. you should accept this.”

“that’s why i fuckin hate you!” she scream. “i don’t want your help. you think you did everything well. i want to throw up everytime i reminds to myself what you are doing. i don’t want to be part of this also i don’t want to live in china. i want to decide.”

you laughed like freak. you were looking at your little sister and couldn’t think of anything but how stupid she actually is.

“i’m not asking you.” you hissed. “you are ungretful, spoiled brat who thinks that owns the world and is main charcater, don’t you? if you want to be that independent okay. i’m going to block all back acounts from you. from now on you will work your ass off for money. i’m starting counting and you better come here.” you looked in to her eyes. “1..2..3..”

“you aren’t my mother. my mother is dead! understand this!”

jaehyun was about to say something but taeyong stopped him. he was enjoying the show in front of him. he really loves how crazy you actually are.

“i’m staying with jisung. i won’t come back to home.”

“you are making disrace for our surname. don’t act like fool and come to home. i’m at 7.”

minhee didn’t even flinch.

“i’m not scared of you. after all i’m your family.”

“are you sure honey?” you touched her cheek. “do you know how killed your lovely parents?” she denied. “i did. funni isn’t it? everyone know but not their own daughter. i think you should be scared of me at that point.”

minhee couldn’t belive her ears. you killed your parents. she was living with you not knowing about everything.

“you are crazy bitch! i hate you! i hate this family! one day i’ll make sure that police or media destroy you.”

“good luck.” you winked and slapped her. “you are no longer part of kims family. i don’t need you. you were the one that needed me.” you said harshly stepping closer and touched her chest to push her. “you are no one know. there is no coming back. you are done in my eyes. dead. and if i see you in my way i’m going to kill your love and then you. and guess what? nothing will bother to help find justice.” you shrugged and smiled one last time “you are free. make sure to change surname and to make it like we have never been family.”

minhee was holidng her cheek and crying. at this point she knew that she doesn’t really know her own family. that there is secrets that are creepy and scary just like them. and she was sure she doesn’t want to involved. but now she was feeling bad because of what she said. jisung had tried hundred times explain her who you are. that she is doing it for her safety because thousands of people wants her head and she still didn’t listen.

taeyong was following you.

“are you going to stop going after me or you want me to beat you up?”

“don’t need to be so harsh. i just want to ask you something.” he smiled. “have you ever been in love?”

“the fuck mr. lee? i only met you few times and i talk with you for the second time.”

“just answer me y/n.” his eyes was shining and you liked this view. you liked him to be honest. he did awesome work by finding your fathers money. he was loyal to you and you liked it. also he was handsome. why don’t like him?

“no. i have never been in love. having crush in daughter of mafia doesn’t sound nice right?”

“i don’t belive. you are way too pretty and too smart to be alone the whole time.” you smiled. he was cheesy but you liked it. “i think this can change.”

“do you want to seduce me?” you asked with little smile. “make me feel like i’m special and leave next day?”

“who said i would leave?” he smirked. “you are really something y/n.”

“i think we could talk about it.”

and here you are. taeyong brings happines to your live. you have never experinced things like the one you do with taeyong. you are no longer alone. you wake up usually in his bed with his eyse piercing in to your soul. jackson and boys were happy that someone is interested in you and you are intrested in someone. they have never seen you having crush in male. but here you are. all over heels over lee taeyong. you didn’t like the idea of him having you wrapped around his finger but who cares? you like it.

“y/n what are you thinking about?”

“taeyong would you kill for me?”

“isn’t it obvious? i know you can do it by yourself but i would always kill anyone who is messing with my girl.”

“since when i’m your girl?”

“since the first time i’ve heard of you y/n.” he kissed you. “why you asking?”

“i feel like i spend way too much time with you so i need to make sure that you are worth it.”

“are you doubting me?” he touch your cheeks. “look at us. we are in my apartment in japan with beautiful view on sea. we are here alone having the best sex of our lives. having each other and telling silly secrets.” he hugged you and you lay your head on his chest. “we don’t need to stress about business. we have each other now. it’s feels like heaven.”

“we are in japan. we are looking at the sea.” you smiled softly. “it’s almost like dream.”

“i know you have never thing like this. i want to show you life colors you know?” he smiled. “i want you to be happy. i want to see that you enjoy your time and let someone like you more than friend.”

“you just saying that.” you sighed. “you are going to leave soon like everyone in my life. but it’s okay.”

“you will never get rid of me.” he looked deadly in to your eyes. “past six months was like arcadia with you by my side. i feel like i can love you and i know that no one ever loved you the way i do.” he smiled. “but i’m here. i love you.”

“what?”

“you heard me and i’m not going to say this again.”

“lee taeyong you make me feel needed.”

he was messing so much with your head and you didn’t even mind. he was there. he was with you and makes you forget about any problems. about stress. about work. time with him is smooth. and you love it.

“can we make love this time? not fuck? i want to feel your love even if it’s temporary.” you said with eyes closed while you kissed him

taeyong smiled wide. he loved the idea of making love and not just fuck.

“my girl is soft.” he teased. “i want to do it. love.”

“i hate you so much sometimes.” you rolled your eyes. “i’m not going to ask anymore. it’s just this once.”

“alright. i got it.”

you were sure that taeyong will disapear. you can’t show feeling but taeyong.. he show you love. he was there. you didn’t even know when you started to finding yourself making breakfasts for him. hugging him for every 5 minutes. telling him your dreams. listen to him and advice him. making him happy. it comes to you naturally just by watching his moves to you. it was so soft and so new to you. proudness. it what’s you feel. you could love taeyong. you didn’t even love your parents nor sister. it was more like obligation. but with taeyong? you realized your feeling when you were missing him and your mind just focus on him.

you wanted to be best girlfriend to him. one time he even just put gun in your mouth and say to suck it if you love him just to then have you moaning “love yous”. and you did. not thinking twice. at this moment you both knew that it’s simply love between dificult people.

taeyong was deep in you. you could feel him hitting right spots.

“how’s my kitten feeling?”

“good. good sir.” you moaned. “i feel like i’m close.” you whines

“i love view of you. you are perfect for me even your pussy is made for me.” he moeaned. “look at you under me. lovely.”

“stop talking and just make me cum.”

“marry me.”

you were that confused. you were at edge of orgasm and he is telling you this.

“taeyong why are you saying this when we fuck?”

“why not? will you marry me?” he punted deeper and faster. “i would love to see you with my surname. lee y/n.” he smiled giving you hickeys “all by myself. my wife.”

“you got to be kidding me.” you laughed “we are having sex and you asking me about mar-”

you couldn’t end your sentence because taeyong circled your clit and suddenly wave of pleasure hit you like ddu du and you cum. moaning his name and curling.

“answer kitten.”

“yes. i want to fuckin marry you lee dumbass taeyong.”

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actual-fucking-clown · 3 years

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Take your time then.

Aizawa x gender neutral reader

Story under the cut :)

Unedited but like edited but still not properly edited :)

Hope you enjoy!!!

a/n: it’s been a hot min since I’ve written a fic. I think the last time i was 14 and it was shit and on wattpad. Ha. I hate myself. N e way, I was recently writing some shit for an au me and my friend thought up and in the back of my mind I was like, “you should start writing fics again bc this is kinda fun”, soo lo and behold I made a post asking if anyone would be interested, shared a little too much personal shit in it but whatever, and have now decided to write this mother fucker. (3/25/21)

a/n: not sure if anyone will care about this series of a/n’s but I’m just chronicling thoughts ig. rewriting rn bc my first draft was short and ass. Also I’m thinking about opening requests after this is posted, will go into detail in a diff post maybe. (3/28/21)

a/n: deleted everything, rewriting. I just want to make something that might be decent and if I can give that feeling, y’know those chills you get when you read something utterly gorgeous, but I’m bad at writing. sadge (3/28/21, like several hours later)

a/n: ugh (4/1/21)

a/n: ugh pt 2 electric boogaloo. I can’t seem to move forward with the writing. I realized something like this might happen bc to solve a problem feelings need to be discussed and I fucking hate doing that so you can see where I’m fucking up lmaooooo (4/2/21)

a/n: I read angst to fuel my writing brain. So, read some angst, finally writing agian. This first section is probs as long as the story itself LMFAO(4/5/21)

Started: (3/25/21) Finished: (4/5/21)

Warnings: uh angst, curse words, like a lot, (i saw someone else put this as a warning, do I actually need it?), avoiding problems instead of actually facing them, mentions of shit so-so parenting, mentions of not being able to live up to high expectations, y’know, the works

Synopsis: Aizawa takes in Eri without running it by you first and expects you to be okay with it. That’s funny. He was wrong.

Can I preface this with a thought? I’m going to anyway,

all the fics I read paint him as the sweetest partner and I’m sure he is but I think they miss out on how blunt he is and his whole “Mr. Rationality” thing. So as much as I adore him I think there are situations that he’d be a bit more colder towards, a bit more straightforward about. Maybe even like a bit insensitive about but maybe bc he doesn’t have the full picture or something. so I guess this is another warning but aizawa is a little insensitive in the beginning (but like not really but kinda. it’s complicated)

Rain pattered softly against the window. The smell of some old random Bath and Bodyworks candle you’d dug out from a box you’d never bothered to unpack smothered the room. Some Netflix show idly played on a low volume on your computer, you’d lost interest in watching tv awhile ago. You needed a break. After the eventful month you’d been having you really needed this.

Now of course your whole year so far had been eventful. What with all the villain attacks on you and Shouta’s class and the kidnapping of one of your students, to just dealing with the more mundane problems with your students. No. You had no problem with that. The villains, although not easy, were something you were trained to handle. The smaller problems with your students weren’t arduous either, after all you weren’t too much older than them.

When reflecting on your situation, from and outside perspective it could be seen as the straw the broke the camels back, which sure, makes sense. After all, you’re bound to be stressed out by everything else, so why would this seemingly insignificant thing weigh heavier than a villain attack? Well if that is the situation why does this single straw feel like it weighs a ton? This is not that. This is not culmination of the events of this year draining the life from you. This is something entirely different. A panic inducing life change that completely took you by surprise mixed with your inability to actually face your problems.

You don’t blame them. You can’t. They’ve done nothing wrong. A child. A small, probably mentally scarred child is your problem. Well not her personally but the fear taking care of her instills in you. Despite working in the field that you do, you cannot for the life of you handle actual children. Sure you’re a little awkward with your class but at least they’re young adults and (vaguely) mature and independent to a certain extent. The fact that your long term boyfriend just came back one day, small child in tow and said “Hey I’ve gotta look after this one now” not verbatim obviously, for a lack of better words, fucked you up. He basically solo adopted a kid and, let’s be honest, he probably expected you to help out. But how could you? How could this man look at you and think “I want this person to help me raise an already fucked up child?” Ok sure, he doesn’t at first give off the “I’m totally father figure material” vibe but in the end he is extremely competent. You on the other hand, not so much.

You’d never been good with children. Tried your best to steer clear of them. Didn’t matter the place, didn’t matter who’s kid, you couldn’t handle them. You would just stand there, awkwardly, not entirely sure of what to do and petrified that there was the possibility of making some mistake which would upset the child and then oh wow look, your head got chopped right of your shoulders. That’s hyperbole of course but it does sum up the insurmountable fear that overcomes you whenever you have to deal with a child. So considering the fact that your long term boyfriend had suddenly decided to adopt and not at least warn you, didn’t sit right with you.

So, the best and most obvious choice, was to avoid your problem. Avoid Shouta, avoid Eri. Avoid the mention of them and you, avoid it all. And honestly you’d done pretty well so far. You were able to have as little contact with them as possible considering the close proximity of your living quarters in the teacher’s dorms. After all they were legally supposed to give you two separate rooms but you never actually used yours, well until now. You were living it up honestly. Did you feel awful? Of course. He is your boyfriend after all and you were sure Eri doesn’t deserve your cold shoulder but this is probably for the best. What could you offer her? You weren’t sure that you were a good role model for her or anyone for that matter. What did you know about raising kids? it’s not like you had parents to set a proper example for you. Of course they might have shown you what not to do but where do you go from there? Is shit like that really avoidable? You don’t want to be like them. You strive to be better but what if you can’t be. There’s also the added bonus of the fact that raising a kid seems taxing on a relationship. Now matter how strong you were sure that the stress of a kid could break a relationship down that then festers into something toxic and unrecognizable. You didn’t want that. God you couldn’t let that happen. No. This was definitely for the better.

Of course Aizawa didn’t feel the same. He was confused on why his partner had been so blatantly avoiding him. Did he do something wrong? He doesn’t remember doing anything that might’ve upset you. So why now? Why pull away now? He had to get down to the bottom of this but catching you was the hard part. You had been taking on more work, offering more assistance to the other teachers, picking up extra patrols, doing everything and anything to stay away from Shouta. It took him a month but he finally caught up to you. You were tired, worn out he knew that. Instead of loading yourself with work you’d decided to hole yourself up in your room. It was now or never.

You were pulled out of your peace at the sound of a few gentle knocks to your door. You really didn’t want to get it. You honestly couldn’t be bothered.

“(N/n)? Are you in there?” He hadn’t gotten it wrong right? He hadn’t been too distracted earlier and missed you leaving right?

“What’s up?” You hummed from your place by the window, not bothering to actually open the door.

“Can I come in?” Shouta asked, voice soft. You could barely hear him above the patter of the rain and the low humming of your laptop.

“Uh, no, kinda busy. Got loads of work to do. Need to focus, sorry. Maybe later?” You hesitantly spoke. Not sure if you were convincing enough.

Apparently you weren’t.

He sighed. “It’s been “later” for an entire month. Please (Y/n) just let me in. Whatever this is we can talk it out.” You had predicted that eventually Shouta would start to try to crack down on whatever the issue was but you didn’t expect it so soon.

“Uh...no?” You tried, hoping that maybe he’d just give up but that wasn’t Shouta.

“No, you don’t get that option, now please, open the door.” Although it was still soft his voice had taken a more stern tone.

“Oh no I’m dead. I guess I can’t open the door. What a shame. I guess the only way to talk with me now is in the pits of hell.” You quipped, trying to lessen the tension that already ran thick.

“(Y/n).” Aizawa sighed.

“Jeez fine. Talk about pushy.” You quipped once more to no avail.

Opening the door you were met with, well exactly what you expected. He stood there, arms crossed, a stern yet gentle look in his eyes, his lips pulled into a slight frown.

“Come in.” You mumbled as you stepped further into your room.

“So tell me. What’s wrong?” The sentence stirred so much. Of course you wanted to tell him. You wanted to spill your guts to the man you loved in hopes of comfort but you just can’t. You know you’ll just scare him off. You know you’ll make things worse.

So you stay silent.

He says nothing as he grabs your hands gently and leads you over to your bed. He sits the two of you down on the edge, muting the movie on the laptop sitting behind him.

“You know you can tell me if something’s bothering you right?” Shouta sent you a warm smile.

You weren’t very comfortable with discussing your feelings sometimes, it mostly stemmed from the fact that you never really could discuss them with anyone growing up which made it harder to confide in anyone now, as at this point bottling things up was a habit. But this was also just something that you were sure that you couldn’t talk about.

Silence answered him once again.

Now he took sometime to think about his approach, think about what could’ve happened that made you pull away. What did he do that was different from his norm? He was genuinely stumped and the fact that you weren’t helping him confused him even more.

You decided to take this time to lament the situation too. What was he going to do? Should you actually tell him or play it off? If you play it off will he still insist that something is wrong? If you tell him will he leave you? If you don’t tell him will he leave you? You risked a glance at him, he was still deep in thought.

Why did you have to adopt this fucking kid without at least warning me?

“What?” Your head shot up at the sound of his shocked voice.

“What?” You asked, genuinely confused.

“Eri’s the problem...?” He spoke slowly, not entirely sure if he’d heard you right.

“Did I say that out loud?” You squeaked.

“I’m pretty sure you mumbled something along the lines of “why’d you have to adopt that fucking kid”.” Shouta said, unsure if he’d heard wrong. Wanting to have heard wrong.

“No no no no no no! It’s not like that! I mean it is like that but not like that!” You frantically waved your hands in hopes of defusing the situation.

The way he looked at you made you want to cry. You felt horrible. You felt like the biggest asshole in the world and, at this point you probably were. He looked at you with such a look of heartbreak and disappointment and confusion it made you sick to your stomach. You felt light-headed and started shaking. You were right. You were right. You were always right. God why did you have to be right! Why did you have to be like this? Scared of raising a fucking child! It was asinine and irrational and you could probably move past it but thanks to your stupid fucking brain you just sealed your fate.

You scooted away from him still waving your hands frantically as no’s tumbled endlessly from your lips. You tried sputtering an apology, anything so that he wouldn’t look at you like that but nothing stuck. Nothing was comprehensible. Nothing worked. Nothing would work. Nothing will work. You were hopeless. It was hopeless.

“If it isn’t like how it seems then tell it to me straight.” Shouta finally spoke up.

You took a second to come down from your panic. You steeled your nerves as much as possible before you spoke.

“Um well, I have nothing against her it’s just that a little heads up would’ve been nice? I’m not all that great with kids so this is just kind of weird is all.” You were purposefully being vague in hopes that he’d understand what you meant and also maybe drop it.

“Not great with kids? You’re literally a teacher.” He pointed out.

“Yeah you know but she’s like a kid kid and let’s be honest I’m not too great with the students either.” You awkward laughed. So he wasn’t getting it.

“Wha-you’re fine with the students and I’m sure you’ll be fine with Eri, there was no reason to avoid me over this.” Shouta sighed. As good as he was with dealing with people, he was equally as shit. Or maybe it was just the fact that you gave him very little to work with. It was probably a bit of both. Still his dismissiveness was not helping you right now.

“No, no, no, no. I think I’ll stay here. Uh, good luck with your parenthood escapades and sorry to leave you high and dry like this but that’s going to have to be a no from me.” You rambled. He seemed to be getting a little tired of this.

“(Y/n) stop being irrational. She’s not even our kid I’m just looking after her for now. Why are you being difficult? I told you you were fine with the students and you’ll be fine with Eri, what else do you want to hear?” Shouta grumbled.

“Well uh I don’t know, uh...” You trailed off, this seemed to be going in a direction you really didn’t want it to go. A slight hostility settling in the air.

At your lack of a proper answer he clicked his tongue. He took a moment to reassess the situation. There had to be something he was missing. After all you were getting really worked up but if you weren’t going to talk to him there was nothing he could do. He shook his head before running a frustrated hand through his hair.

“(Y/n), please, please, just be honest with me. Whatever it is that’s bothering you, you can tell me. But I won’t be able to understand if you don’t.” Aizawa sighed, deciding that getting worked up about this was not the way to go, especially when you seemed to be especially distraught.

“Uh, god the thing is I don’t know entirely what to say to put the shitshow in my head into perspective.” You mumbled, trying desperately to figure out what to say that could clear the air but nothing seemed to be coherent enough.

“Take your time.” He decided that this was the best approach to things, making sure neither party got too worked up lest this turn into a fight.

The rain continued to patter softly against the window and your candle continued to burn an slightly off floral-ish scent. A deafening silence hung in the air because even though he was being as patient as possible some of his frustration leaked through, it was bound to though so you couldn’t exactly blame him. After all, you were probably equally as frustrated with yourself too.

“I’m just not good in a position like this. I’m not good with kids, especially someone like Eri who’s already so broken. You have that nurturing nature, it comes natural to you but I’m not on that level. I don’t know the first thing about caring for a child let alone one as already traumatized as her. I’d fuck it up and only make things worse. I don’t want you to reassure me that I’ll be okay with her, I want you to understand that I’m not comfortable with this and that it might take me awhile to come around. I’m sure I sound like the biggest asshole ever but please understand that this just isn’t something I’m ready for.” You had rambled a bit, you were aware of that, but it was the only way that you could properly express your feelings without making things too complicated.

Aizawa said nothing. Trying to figure out how to go about things.

Was he upset? Yeah, you two, even after several long years of being together, hadn’t discussed moving forward in your relationship in depth. And if he’d tried you seemed content with the point you two were at so he left it be, no reason to try and move forward when what you had was already fine the way it was. But recently he’d been craving more. Some mornings, when he’d be the first to wake, he’d study your features in the soft light of the sunrise and wonder what it’d be like to properly settle down with you. Get married, start a family, all that jazz. He’d taken in Eri only because it was the most rational decision. His quirk would be good for quelling hers had it ever gotten out of hand. But it also seemed to quell his musings of something more with you. He had imagined you being a good parental figure for the little girl and it made his heart flutter and his stomach explode with butterflies. But now seeing that that wasn’t what you wanted and how you weren’t ready for it, it stung. But in the end, he loved you. He’d easily give his life for you. So, if that meant waiting he’d wait. He’d wait a million years if he had to. He could do it.

Once again he spoke,

“Take your time then. I can wait.”

Tagslist?: @captainchrisstan (I think you said you wanted to be tagged but I’m also just small brained lol If u didn’t want to and I misinterpreted things just let me know :) )

#bnha x reader #mha xreader #aizawa x reader #shouta aizawa x reader #aizawa shouta #aizawa #my first fic #mha #bnha

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deantransgressions2 · 3 years

Text

13x02 the rising son

21 transgressions. enjoy.

#1: dean criticized sam for wanting to protect jack, and then devalued jack’s entire existence to an “it”.

sam: “look… losing mom and cas, that’s a lot to process, dean, especially on no sleep. and the kid...”

dean: ��the “kid”? come on, man, you know how this plays out. kook, when we try to bend the rules, pretend that the bad guys aren’t so bad or that things will get fixed, that’s when people that we care about get hurt. and then we end up doing what we should’ve done in the first place, which is end the problem. so this time, let’s start with the obvious. soon as i find a way to take care of… it.”

time tag: 3:17

#2: after sam failed again to make dean see jack as a child, he tried to make dean see jack as an asset. dean refused to listen or consider any of sam’s insights, and admitted that he is giving up on family, which is something he claims he would never ever ever ever ever do.

sam: “dean, “the problem” might be our only shot at saving mom.”

dean: “mom’s gone. there’s no fixing that.”

time tag: 3:44

#3: jack was happily watching scooby doo and bothering nobody, so of course dean walked over and scolded him, then turned the tv off. apparently watching tv is illegal now yall!!

time tag: 9:03

#4: told jack to take the couch and threw a bible at him. luckily, sam isn’t a child murderer and made sure jack felt welcome. sam = good dad. but, dean winchester is already worse of a father than john was. you hate to see it.

time tag: 9:11

#5: dean criticized jack for eating the exact same way he does. mocking a 3 day old child just for the sake of it, just to make himself feel better. he is pathetic. idk why jack and sam put up with him these next 3 seasons.

dean: “you can slow down, you know. that’s stuff’s not gonna disappear.”

sam: “ever seen you eat, dean?”

time tag: 10:02

#6: yells at jack for copying his movements. he’s 3 days old...3 days old. 3.

time tag: 11:35

#7: sam has been rooting for jack to not be evil. he is focusing on WHO jack is not what he is. dean, however, is counting on jack being evil so he can murder him. the confirmation bias is real here. any instance of jack showing humanity dean just tunes it out. this conversation should remind you of dean’s view of sam in s4/5

donatello: “yes, well, not so much anymore. but, uh…look at you. the waves of power… so intense.”

dean: “maybe less human than we thought.”

donatello: “fascinating. you know, i’ve met your father. your power’s nothing like his. not dark, not toxic.”

sam: “that so?”

dean: “not yet.”

time tag: whole time but 15:58

#8: he was a dick to the tattoo artist for no reason expect that he loves to take his anger out on others.

time tag: 16:44

#9: when in doubt blame sam! when in doubt accuse sam! when in doubt manipulate sam! wooohooo!!!

sam: “so you heard donatello. no evil vibes from jack.”

dean: “proves nothing, except that you’re way too attached to this kid. you need to see this for what it is, okay?”

time tag: 16:54

#10: lessons from our sexist macho man icon:

jack: “it hurt.”

dean: “okay, see, sometimes, things hurt, so you just man up and deal with it.”

time tag: 17:21

#11: some more of dean refusing to listen to other’s correct observations of jack, because there is no changing his mind that jack is evil. he doesn’t need proof that jack is evil, because he doesn’t want it. he wants to murder jack regardless of who he is. dean only cares about WHAT jack is. sigh. 2x03 i miss you.

time tag: 18:43

#12: dean claimed that since cas loved jack, jack is therefore responsible for his murder. even though it was literally lucifer that murdered cas, not jack. so, using dean’s logic: sam and john killed mary, sam killed jess, dean killed john, sam killed dean, sam and dean and bobby killed jo and ellen, dean killed sam, dean and sam killed cas multiple times, sam and dean killed kevin....etc etc. do you see how fucking stupid dean is being rn?

sam: “okay, look, yeah, jack is on lucifer’s family tree. but we don’t know if that dna is stronger than Kelly’s, or his connection with cas.”

dean: “oh, you mean the connection that got cas killed?”

sam: “i’m just saying, jack doesn’t have to be evil. we can teach him not to be.”

time tag: 18:53

#13: dean called jack ‘the devil’ which made jack so upset he ran away. this is a transgression obviously towards jack, but also towards sam. dean said that a 3 day old child (who literally hasn’t done anything wrong) is the devil. he said it in front of his brother who was tortured by the ACTUAL devil (and michael) for centuries. it’s insensitive and fucked up beyond belief for dean to use his brother’s abuser to try and manipulate him to conform to his beliefs on jack.

NOT TO MENTION that dean is the only member of team free will with absolutely no supernatural abilities at all. he does not understand jack. he does not understand lucifer. dean is the LAST person who should have a say in if jack is good or evil.

time tag: 19:25

#14: this is a abuse apology. many victims of abuse are manipulated to apologize for them and sympathize with them. this is a prime example of that:

sam: “dean doesn’t hate you. it… look, sometimes the wires in dan’s head get crossed and...and he gets frustrated, and then he mixes frustration with anger, and...and fear.”

jack: “why would he be afraid?”

sam: “because dean feels like it’s his job to protect everyone.”

time tag: 20:45

#15: did the writers include this scene to emphasize that dean is john (but worse)....because that’s exactly what it did.

bartender: “i hated my old man. I ran away myself. see, my mom would never stick up for me. but…you know kids. no matter what, they still want the old man’s approval. well, that’s how it was with me, just…”

dean: “you know, that’s, uh, that’s how it was with me, too.”

i’m not sure what dean is referring to here because based on what the bartender is saying, sam would relate more to her story than dean but ok! sure! pity party time needs no logic

time tag: 22:17

#16: sam had to seperate jack and dean in order to protect jack. sam felt that jack was safer with a man that had no soul (donatello), over his own brother. and he was right!

time tag: 23:11

#17: dean made fun of sam and jack by calling jack sam’s “new pal” as a way to not only degrade jack, but also ridicule sam.

time tag: 27:08

#18: dean is angry that sam isn’t blindly following along with his plans for jack’s death. and everything sam tried to say to get dean out of his child murdering mindset goes in one ear and out the other.

sam: “point is…if you and i are gonna do this, keep jack on the right side of things, then...then we have to be on the same page.”

dean: “okay. well, that’s the problem, though, sam, ‘cause we’re not on the same page. like, at all.”

sam: “all right. you know what? i know what’s going on here.”

dean: “oh. okay. well, please, tell me, what’s going on here?”

sam: “you thinking mom is gone and cas is gone, and that jack can’t be saved. dean, after everything we’ve gone through… we just lost people we love, people who have been in our lives for a long time. everything’s upside-down. i get it. but we’ve been down before. i mean, rock bottom. and we find a way. We fix it because that’s what we do. and jack w-wants to do the right thing. jack’s scared to death of who he is, and he’s scared of you.”

you know who else was scared of their father figure? dean. and sam. and now jack. dean stans can hate john all they want but the truth is dean is far worse. they both deserve a special place in hell together

time tag: 27:19

#19: the mental gymnastics it takes to come to this conclusion about jack. to ignore any and all proof that jack isn’t evil. it’s shocking how strongly dean holds onto hate and his need to kill.

sam: “dean, wait a second. the kid came through for us today. jack saved us.” dean: “no. no, whatever that was, that was a reflex. it was a sneeze. maybe next time he sneezes, he kills us. goodnight.”

time tag: 39:32

#20: dean drove jack to self harm. dean then proceeded to angrily tell him off and call him names for doing so.

dean: “okay. what the hell? give me that. you...don’t be an idiot. look, a, this is not gonna do anything to you, okay? and b, you… what the hell?”

time tag: 40:35

#21: this is psychological abuse. this is child abuse. this scene is as bad as the panic room of s4. disgusting. and some people actually ship this man with this child’s father (castiel). get help.

dean: “you know, my brother thinks you can be saved.” jack: “you don’t believe that.” dean: “no, i don’t.”

jack: “so… if you’re right?”

dean: “if i’m right… and it comes to killing you… i’ll be the one to do it.”

time tag: 41:07

#13x02 the rising son #this episode took me like 2 hours to do oh my GOD #heavy #spn #dean negative #dean critical #jack kline #<3 #tw verbal abuse #emotional manipulation/abuse #tw self harm #pity party tag!#controlling #gaslighting #hypocrisy #sexism #belittling #anti dean winchester

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vanityloves · 3 years

Note

🎫 here's a gush pass! feel free to gush about whichever f/o you want, however much you want, then send this ask to 3 other selfshippers!

oh man, thank you jsjsj ive gotten a few of these but ive been too anxious to actually go off ab my f/o but, lets fucking gooooo!

can i talk ab the actual animation of the source material is that allowed?

they gave us this but we ended up with

WHICH LISTEN- I enjoy n love regardless. I just find the contrasts in phases fascinating and funny. I loved his appearance in phases 1 and 2; what a fucking iconic character design. The animation is so endearing and amazing- the thicker lines, the fluidity, the range. Like the first gif that shows the vibrations of the vehicle in his shoulders/shirt? The simplistic art style was nice and even if hes Hard On The Eyes, I'm like 🥴 ok ugly ❤.

Not like the newer mvs are any less quality content - its nice to see the use of thick and thinner lines and there's definitely a different feel to it - more child friendly or easy going? Idk how to explain it. Murdoc as a character is still very, Not Child Friendly, and Im always like :cursed emoji: when someone says that their 14 year old watches their videos like help, his dick is out in at least 3 dif vids (censored ofc but man).

They definitely lost me after the 4th phase though and many people argue that the band/music lost its meaning, which i can honestly agree with (esp when they didnt name officially name 4, 5 and 6. Im p sure ppl refer to 4 as We Are Still Humanz).

I was never an avid/active fan of keeping up with the characters and didnt really think they had any story anyways, i was like "feel good inc is sexy. melancholy hill's a banger" so honestly, finding out that these apes actually have lore was fun.

Murdoc being the given this tragic backstory made my eyes Zoom, and ofc I was like "oh youre funny looking and sad. I want you ♡." In a weird way, I take a lot of comfort that 'we both have shit parents' and 'no one really thought we'd amount to anything'. to be fair, i haven't accomplished anything yet, and even if hes a bunch of pixels who i know doesnt really exist, its kind of motivating bc he never gave up? A literal quote from him being "If there’s a dream in your heart, never let anyone tell you you’ve got no talent. Get out there, embarrass yourself, and prove to the world you’ve got no talent." With how many failures hes faced he never stopped trying to prove himself worthy of attention and fame and love, which is ambitious and kind of intimidating with how much confidnece he has.

Hes a complete bastard of a man and not even close to being a good person. He's definitely complicated but can be boiled down to "just an abusive asshole", which, hey, fair. I hate the way he treats 2D, its so toxic and terrible. Honestly, its inexcusable and he needs to apologize, grow and learn a LOT and god knows he needs therapy.

I think the most tragic thing ab his character is that he basically ended up like his father and to some extent, he acknowledges it. His bad habits and behaviors stem from abuse and neglect which doesnt excuse his actions but, "man hands on misery to man." I feel like theres a haunting part to his whole life - we don't know much about his mother and brother but from assuming things, I know they weren't innocent, clean, or soft spoken, let alone, kind. I think he has a "It runs in the family" mentality and gives into it bc there's no use in running from something so deeply engraved within him.

But as a man of contradiction, hes shown to care, despite "hating everything, including himself". To be short, his father was a failure and a man thats never worked for his own money, so he contradicts that and escapes that part of 'failure running in the family' by forming Gorillaz. I do think theres something way more ab his character in that regard. I think theres a lot that he needs to work on but he's escaped a part of that mindset, and his 'Plastic Beach'. I wonder what theyre gonna do with valley of the pagans thing.

I guess as a band, theyre not gonna show a lot of "behind the scenes" stuff like that. We wont know if he ever gets help, or apologizes, or even feels sorry - its up to us to decide which is a safe game to play on Their Behalf.

People are upset that hes actually cleaned up a bit and is shown to be nicer bc they miss having that disgusting, cruel man which again, I understand. He has always been the antagonist to the entire band. But as someone that likes to see people happier n mellow (or, boring) rather than doing shit and compensating for their depression, its nice to see that type of development (or downgrade, depending on how you see it).

This could be Their (read: jamie and damon) way of being lazy by making him 'mellow out w/ age' or whatever it is. It definitely seems to woobify his character and intentions but well, His Main Goal, Was To Blow Up. And Act Like He Dont Know Nobodaaayyy argargarg and guess what? He's already made it- he's successful, he's rich, he's famous, he's adored. Now what? Maybe this is just his way of taking it easy from here on out - who knows.

Gorillaz definitely took a turn after all the brand deals so it lost its meaning (since one of the phases had a 'fuck capitalism' message) and with that, Murdoc is no longer allowed to be the stank bitch hes was always meant to be, no more obvious sex and drugs, for the new gen 🥴 ironically a lot of songs 'today' are always complained ab being ab sex, drugs, and whatever, but they def needed to step on the breaks when Money/Companies got involved. So here we have The Wigglez 😌💕

ANYWAYS, I LOVE HIM LOTS, HAVING MANY THOUGHTS

#please dont ask why i have these saved 🥴#ask reply #oh this ones long haha sorry #gorillaz rambles #gushing #modi!!!#thank you for this i needed to say sumn semi coherent

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miserelysia · 4 years

Text

“I Watched the Artemis Fowl Movie and It Made Me Very Upset” Liveblog!

So I decided I had to subject myself to this movie despite being Extremely Aware that it’s a massive pile of firey garbage. It was about as painful as expected, so I liveblogged to keep my sanity. Here’s basically what happened in my head while I was watching:

Josh Diggums: I feel so bad for Josh Gad's voice because it's painfully obvious they just didn't want Olaf showing up so they forced him into some terrible Bale-Batman voice that keeps cracking

why is this movie taking itself so seriously

Book Artemis: eternally unathletic dweeb

Movie Artemis: SURFING MASTER

the fuck, Branagh

THIS VOICE IS SO DAMN BAD, JOSH PLEASE STOP TALKING

okay Artemis is appropriately a little shit for EXACTLY ONE SCENE

FUCK OFF WITH FRIDGING THE MOM, BRANAGH

"ur mom's dead and ur dad's gone so ur a little shit" WHAT A GREAT COUNSELOR

fuck's sake

Book Artemis: immediately falls off whatever this hover thing is

COLIN FARRELL. SEXY MAN.

I ALMOST FORGIVE THEM FOR BRINGING HIM BACK EARLY

AND..... KNOWING ABOUT MAGIC

SDJFKSDF

WHATEVER

I WAS PREPARED FOR THIS

this voice is still terrible, Josh. I'm sorry

this kid is a pretty good actor

"all i really want is to believe in you" that was actually well-delivered

"Arty"

OKAY IT'S NOT ACCORDING TO THE BOOK BUT FUCK ME THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS WELL DONE

i desperately need Butler to show up soon tho

I SPOKE TOO SOON

"DOMOVOI" ??!!?? YOU FUCKS

why

are his eyes

fucking ELECTRIC BLUE

HIS LITERAL FUKDFSUCING NAME IN THE BOOKS IS 'BUTLER' IT'S PART OF BEING AN INSANELY GOOD SECRET AGENT GUARDIAN HE'S NOT AN ACTUFL FUCKING BUTLER AND LITERALLY NO ONE EVER CALLS HIM "THE BUTLER" BUT HIS NAME IS BUTLER BECAUSE HIS REAL NAME IS SECRET HE'S FUCKING SECURITY FUCKING DID YOU READ THIS FUCKING BOOK SERIES AT ALL BRANAGH OR DID YOU JUSTDSJFKLDSHFSD:LFSEFAGH

i'm sorry

Butler is my absolute favorite character of the entire damn series and they fucking

can't even get OOOONNNNNEEEEEEEEE CHARACTER CORRECT

SCREAMS

did they think calling him "Butler" would be weird because they cast a black guy?????

AGAIN WHY WITH THE FUCKING ELECTRIC BLUE CONTACTS THEY'RE SO OBVIOUSLY FAKE IT LOOKS SO BAD. IF YOU MAKE THE DECISION TO CAST AN AFRICAN AMERICAN MAN JUST FUCKING OWN THAT HE HAS DARK EYES DON'T DO THIS

THE "OWL STAR"???? REALLY???? WHY NOT FOWL STAR

WHY

NOT

IT'S JUST SUCH AN ARBITRARY DUMBASS CHANGE IT MAKES NO SENSE

PLEASE DID I JUST MISUNDERSTAND THE REPORTER MAN

DID THE CAPTIONS JUST MISUNDERSTAND HIM?????

NOPE IT'S LITERALLY THE O W L S T A R

fuck off

i'm sorry

stuff like that just bothers me a lot

it makes ABSOLUTELY no sense to change it

Fowl Star made sense bECAUSE IT'S OWNED BY ARTEMIS FOWL

artemis has a lot more emotions than i remember him having

i will not forgive them for destroying the Butler/Artemis relationship in favor of a Dad they fucking fridge in the first half hour of the movie

oh boy nursery rhymes as codes

GROUNDBREAKING

i think the fairies would have something to say about you hiding their own shit from them, MISTER SENIOR

it's still a bad voice, Josh, I'm so sorry

okay Haven is pretty nice

"Haven" not "Haven City"

pretty sure

holly being a 13 year old girl is disconcerting

that was mentioned in a review

they're supposed to be Child-Sized not ACTUAL CHILDREN

also "small person = higher pitched voice" is such a stupid trope please stop

i like the Being diversity around the city

like lots of different types of humanoids

josh desperately wants to do the Olaf voice

i'm so sorry Josh

okay aside from the shit voice Diggums is pretty good

lol Cudgeon's already in jail

okay then

i know this is Opal Koboi

meh

i hate her in the books so they can fuck her up all they want

judi dench is batman too i guess

how many cigs you smoke judi root

OH BOY HOLLY HAS MISSING DADDY ISSUES TOO

fucking shit

"you're 84" and you look like a fUCKING THIRTEEN YEAR OLD

such bad choices

every time they say "Domovoi" i--

HISDFHSDHFH

JULIET

SHE'S

HIS

FUCKING

NIECE?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????

SDFJLS:DKF FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK YYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

FUCK YOU

FUCK

FUCK YOU KENNETH BRANAGH

SHE'S

HIS

FUCKING

SISTER

HIS BABY SISTER HE LOVES AND CARES FOR EVEN MORE THAN ARTEMIS AND THAT'S A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT RELATIONSHIP THAN UNCLE AND NIECE

HOW COULD YOU LITERALLY DESTROY EVERYTHING ABOUT BUTLER AND STILL SLEEP AT NIGHT

eoin colfer i hope you made so much money off of this SHITSTACK

(genuinely tho that's literally the only consolation; now he can write more Good Books)

Juliet is cute but i know about all she does is make sandwiches

so fuck this

judi dench is Good

foaly is Okay

why's he wearing clothes tho

the chutes are a lot more... open than expected

BEECHWOOD SHORT THE TRAITOR

FUCK OFF

WHY IS HOLLY’S CHARACTER DEFINED BY HER FUCKING FATHER

THIS IS SO MUCH WORSE AN OUTCOME THAN I EVEN EXPECTED GIVEN THEY EVISCERATED HER CHARACTER'S DRIVE BY MAKING THE L.E.P. ALREADY HAVE FEMALE OFFICERS AND COMMANDERS

"get out cudgeon before i throw you out" okay they got Root completely right at least

aside from making him a her

but that's okay

because it's Judi Dench

awwwww happy flying scene bUT HOLLY YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SHIELDED GOt DAMN

“any update?” "yes. i'm freezing" amazing, Butler

i mean dOmOvOi

HOLLY YOU'RE STILL NOT SHIELDED

CGI isn't too bad in this but honestly that's not impressive anymore

awwwww cute wedding scene

troll is about as ugly as possible

LOL JUST FUCKING THROW TIME FREEZE UP LIKE IT'S NOTHING

OKAY

LOL HOLLY GO DEAL WITH THE TROLL DON'T FOCUS ON ONE SMALL CHILD

THAT'S NOT HOW A TIME FREEZE WORKS

i mean it's COOL

i love the little Men in Green zipping around

but it doesn't make ANY sense

LOL SO WHY DO THE PEOPLE THINK THE PLACE IS TRASHED

lol gently floating troll

Hollyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Judi Root continues to be amazing

ok tbf Opal Koboi would be after the Aculos if it existed

OP MacGuffin plots are so tired tho like really Branagh

i love the wings on her suit

ARTEMIS WHEN DID YOU GET TO THE TREE

holly ur a bad 84-year-old officer

LOL CUDGEON IS RIGHT ON

AND JUDI ROOT CONTINUES TO BE

"Not Happy!" lol wat

who wrote that bit of dialogue and said "yes this a perfectly good thing to have her say when she wakes up in a cage"

"mesmerism"

boy i love these exposition dump convos between Mr. Sr. and Arty

LOL "most human beings are afraid of gluten, how do you think they'd handle goblins" is a great line

out of touch, but still funny

...why does the time freeze take forever to generate now when you did it in TWO SECONDS BEFORE

calm down holly damn

foaly's very pretty

sO DID THEY FREEZE THE *ENTIRE WORLD*????????

I THOUGHT THE POINT WAS TO FREEZE THINGS INSIDE SO YOU HAVE MOONLIGHT LONGER

AND

whatever

i love this fucking ARMY coming out of literally everywhere

"TOP OF THE MORNIN'" OH MY FUCKING GOODNESS

whole movie is worth it

for that line

i love that they're entirely in green

and no one ever Shields

ever

they mentioned Shields once but NO ONE IS SHIELDED

BUTLER WOULD NEVER LET ARTEMIS INTO A FIGHT

SCREAMS

"TAKE THE SHOT"

WHY IS THE TIME FREEZE SO EASILY DESTABILIZED

FOALY

ARE YOU TELLING ME NO ONE HAS EVER SHOT YOUR FUCKING ENORMOUS DEVICE

omg no U GAVE OPAL KOBOI LEGITIMATE REASONS FOR DOING WHAT SHE'S DOING

YOU GAVE HER A SAD FRUSTRATING BACKSTORY

SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE AN ARROGANT SELF-SERVING BITCH AND NOTHING ELSE

TWENTY SEVEN MINUTES??????

hOW DID ARTEMIS KNOW ABOUT MULCH DIGGUMS SPECIFICALLY

lol that is 100% a completely inhumane prison what the fuck, fairies

why does Holly have human music

well i'm glad we didn't have to watch mulch almost eat a dude's head

"My father was kidnapped."

"My father is dead."

"Can I trust you?"

"You'll have to."

BUT WHY

WHAT IS THIS DIALOGUE

WHAT IS THIS CHARACTER PROGRESSION

THERE's NO REASON TO TRUST HER

OR TO NEED TO TRUST HER

THIS IS COMPLETELY UNEARNED AND STUPID

glad holly's entire character REVOLVES AROUND A MAN NOW, BRANAGH

LOL THEY JUST DIDN'T GIVE ROOT A FIRST NAME???

JUDI ROOT CONFIRMED

"listen to us, grunting at each other like a pair of hippos with a throat infection" LMAO

i hope that was Josh Gad improv

LOL HE JUST FUCKING DESTROYS EVERYTHING IN HIS WAY WHILE TUNNELING

YOU DIDN'T EVEN REALLY TUNNEL IN, MULCH

HOW DID YOU COME OUT OF A PAINTING

DO THEY HAVE PAINTINGS IN A BASEMENT???

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SHEETROCK OR WHATEVER

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO EASY TO JUST

UGH

FOLLOW THE BOOK

COME ON

MULCH YOU ARE THE WORST BURGLAR

"what would your parents be" THEY'D BE CENTAURS MULCH

is... is Mulch on the second floor

HE TUNNELED THROUGH THE WALL ONTO THE SECOND FLOOR

artemis... just.. lets holly out

ok cool

LOL HIS NOSE HAIRS GROW AND MOVE LIKE TENTACLES

stupid and... funny? i guess

at least Cudgeon is the piece of shit he is in the book lol

oh boy troll time

BUTER WOULD NEVER LET MULCH DIGGUMS PICKPOCKET HIM

"jam all magic" OMFG THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE

BUTLER WOULD NEVER LET ARTEMIS FACE DOWN A FUCKING TROLL

LOL THEY JUST FIRE THE TROLL LIKE A BULLET

A TROLL-ET

DOMOVOI YOU ARE COMPLETELY USELESS WHAT THE FUCK

i wonder if kids even like this movie

omg butler couldn't even jump

i don't understand

he literally DOESN'T HELP AT ALL

IT'S HIS WHOLE THING

IS BEING ABLE TO KICK ASS

FUCKING COME ON BRANAGH

yeah fuck you branagh

are... are the fairies just DYING TO THE TIME FREEZE COLLAPSE???

"goodbye my friend. i'm sorry i was FUCKING USELESS"

branagh you're trying to activate my feelings with this Sad Death Scene(TM) but i am IMPERVIOUS because artemis has had NO RELATIONSHIP WHATSOEVER WITH THIS """DOMOVOI"""

COOL HE'S BACK NOW I’M SO GLAD ACTUAL FULL ON DEATH HAS ZERO CONSEQUENCES NOW THANKS TO OP FAIRY MAGIC

WHAT GREAT WRITING THIS IS

"i didn't cry did i" FUCK OFF

WHY IS IT SO DANGEROUS WHEN THE TIME FREEZE ENDS

WHY IS YOUR TECH SO SHITTY, FOALY

TIME FREEZES AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE DANGEROUS TO THE OCCUPANTS

THAT GOES AGAINST ALL OF FAIRY RULES

...okay and then it just ends..........?

Domovoi: "you have to try!"

Artemis: "i can't, tho"

Domovoi: "it's too dangerous!"

WHAT IS THIS DIALOGUE

WHO WROTE THIS ABSOLUTE DRIVEL

"the aculos for my father"

THE L.E.P. DOESN'T EVEN HAVE YOUR FATHER YOU ABSOLUTE DOOF

holly how do u know how to do this

the... the aculos is just the fucking Book?

i feel slapped in the face

she just recites the words and. and.

whatever

i'm done

GO FIND YOUR DAD WHO'S MAGICALLY BACK

WHY WOULD HE BE IN THE BED ARTEMIS

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A GENIUS

this girl who plays Holly cannot act

i'm sorry girl

MAGICALLY BACK DAD

HOORAY HOLLY'S CHARACTER CONTINUES TO BE DEFINED BY HER FATHER

FUCK

YOU

WRITERS

AND BRANAGH

BUTLER WOULD NEVER CRY, DOMOVOI

i like the cool earpiece they gave Judi Root to maybe? disguise her hearing aid?

Haven does look pretty cool

too much water above tho it’s not Atlantis guys come on

"i'm a criminal mastermind" LITERALLY WHEN DID YOU SHOW ANY SORT OF MASTERMIND BEHAVIOR OR CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR

BESIDES BRIEFLY KIDNAPPING HOLLY AND THEN IMMEDIATELY LETTING HER OUT

LMAO THAT LAST SHOT OF JULIET JUST LOOKING EXCITEDLY OUT OF THE WINDOW AT THE HELICOPTER WHILE EVERYONE LEAVES HER BEHIND

WHAT'S THE POINT OF THAT EVEN

THIS POOR GIRL YOU’RE JUST LEAVING HER ALONE

WOW THIS PRISON/INTERROGATION PLACE HAS LIKE

NO SECURITY

HI HOLLY WHY ARE YOU HERE??????

THIS WHOLE ENDING IS JUST THE STUPID CAP ON TOP OF A STUPID SUNDAE

i need to go listen to the books again now

#artemis fowl #artemis fowl movie #liveblog #spoilers #flaming hot garbage #disney seriously who the FUCK did you make this movie for #cause it sure wasn't the fans

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thehomierobbstark · 5 years

Text

Let’s Talk About Sex: Intermission

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Pairing: Erik Killmonger x Reader [#TeamErikDon’tDateWhiteChicks]

Prompt: Erik’s a little upset after last chapter’s events…

A/N: So these intermissions are gonna be little breaks in between the main storyline. Basically they’re the random ideas I get that aren’t big enough for a full chapter.

For this one, I don’t think I’ve ever written this type of story before so I’m not super sure if I did it right. Let me know if you have any feedback! Also this story starts off in the past, then catches up to itself in the present. I’m not sure if the transition worked or if it was clear, but if you have feedback on that it would also be super appreciated.

Warnings: At the bottom 👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿.

This is for all my lil cute ass black gorditas out there rockin back fat, belly rolls and thick ass thighs that touch!! x Reader is always gon be black, chubby, and sassy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ok, now hold it in … 1…2…3… ok now let it out.”

You exhale, tasting the remnants of the Albuterol on your tongue as you drum your fingers against the counter, taking in a couple more practice breaths. You’re glad you have something to stay focused on to keep you from rolling your eyes in the most annoyed way. He just wants to help, Y/N.

“I swear Erik… I’m fine… baby can we please just-”

“No talking.”

“Baby I’m just-”

“Hush, Y/N.” He gives your words back to you, and you hush, eyes drifting up to the ceiling in a subtle, lazy eye roll.

“You not slick, I saw that.” You want to mock him so bad, but you don’t want to push it, knowing how on edge he already was from the whole situation.

*10 Minutes Earlier*

“I can’t find it!!” You hear drawers being pulled open and contents shuffling around noisily before hearing it slam and another one open.

You pad into the hallway, trying to cautiously peek around the corner into the now trashed bathroom. You see stuff thrown everywhere, hair brushes and picks scattered all over the counter and jars of various products littering the floor. You find Erik under the cabinet, pulling out even more items, making a complete mess.

“Baby, what are you doing?” You ask him, trying to step through the increasingly cluttered space.

“I’m looking for your medicine! Come on now, baby!” You hear the panic start to rise in his voice, and you hold your hands up in defense.

“Ok, ok, dumb question, my bad.” You try to alleviate his nerves with some light humor. “But hun…I just wanna ask one thing,”

“What? Wassup baby?” You hear the echo of his voice from inside the enclosed cabinet, still hearing him move stuff around. You chew on your bottom lip, hoping he’ll take the moment to laugh at himself and relax a little bit.

“Why would the medicine be under the sink, babe?”

The shuffling stops and he pulls himself out of the cramped space, head popping up. “Oh,”.

You laugh, shaking your head at him as you reach over to pop open the sink cabinet.

“Dumbass,…” you mutter, grabbing the inhaler off the second shelf before closing it and turning around, leaning on the counter.

“Uhh… you know you cleaning this shit up by yourself, right?” You point with the inhaler around the bathroom, and Erik just looks at you, the most unamused expression plastered there.

He looks so done with you, and if you didn’t still have phlegm clogging up your chest, you’d be doubled over in laughter right now. You didn’t mean to be laughing at your sweet, caring man, but you just couldn’t help it. Here he was, completely flipping out over something you’ve been dealing with since you were born, and it was the most entertaining thing to you. He was so spoiled, having lived with functioning lungs his whole life. What a baby.

“Look E, if that bitch death really want me, she gon have to come a lot harder than a couple coughing spells and some rogue spit.” You say, trying to acknowledge the issue and move it along.

“Ok Y/N, you talking that shit, but you was deadass bout to choke just now.”

“Actually now that I think about it, why are we talking about the past? Can’t we just move on?” you suggest fakely, starting to backtrack and change the subject now. You were willing to move past this and write it off as an embarrassingly funny story until he started hitting you with the facts, and you realized he was being far more serious than you thought.

“Uh huh, sitting there talking all that mess with ya broke ass lungs. Why you still wheezing, huh?”

He starts shoving stuff back into the cabinet, closing it before moving you aside to scoop all the stray items on the counter into a drawer before lifting you on it to sit. You make a face at the cold counter against your naked warm skin, but you don’t say anything. You don’t even give him an answer, not trusting yourself to do so without your voice cracking and you bursting into tears. (Ok, maybe you were being a little dramatic, but I mean, you and your broke ass lungs had feelings too, dammit!)

He takes the inhaler from you, standing between your still soaked thighs and he places it in front of your lips.

“Open.”

And thats how you found yourself, presently.

You comply, sighing as you do it. Checking with his eyes watching yours, he waits until you exhale fully, then gives you a pump of the medicine at the same time you inhale. He repeats the count again, and you drag it out, giving the medicine some extra time to clean out your airway before finally breathing out through your nose. You’re so glad you didn’t keep the accompanying attachment for the inhaler at his place too, otherwise he’d really have you fucked up. You already felt dumb for having him sit here and give you your medicine like you weren’t capable of doing it on your own.

“Okay Dr. Webber, you done now?” You swing your legs over the edge, feeling like a child in the nurses office waiting to be let back onto the playground.

“Don’t be calling me that old nigga,” he mumbles, reaching around you to grab one of the wash clothes hanging over the shower and flipping on the warm tap.

You watch him quietly as he runs the wash cloth under the water, rinsing it out and then repeating the action. When he gets the washcloth to an even warm temperature, he stops the sink to allow a small pool to collect before turning off the faucet and ringing the excess water from the cloth.

He helps clean you off, wiping away your sticky fluids from between your legs before rinsing out the rag in the sink, ringing it out and lifting your leg to start again.

If felt nice to be taken care of and fussed over, and you sit back and let him do his thing, knowing that he was busying himself because there was something on his mind he wasn’t ready to say yet. You wanted him to know that you were here and you were ready to listen, but you didn’t want to rush him, so you start off gently.

“E,” you tilt your head to the side, trying to look him in the eyes. He acknowledges you with a glance up to you, finishing up wiping you off and dumping the wet rag in the sink and letting the water out. He braces himself over it, heaving a big sigh, head hanging down.

“Erik…” you try again, whispering, softly grabbing at his pinky with your index and holding it. You feel him squeeze you back.

You lean forward to let your head fall on his shoulder, eyes closed, fingers still locked, content with being with him like this. You just needed him to know that you were here, and you were staying, and that even if it took him hours to say what he felt you would still be here patiently waiting.

It takes a little while, but he finally pulls his face from the warm spot on your neck, pressing kisses onto your cheek and over your eyes until he reaches your forehead. He wraps you in both of his arms in a huge bear hug and hold you against him, resting his head on top of yours.

“You scared the shit out of me baby,” his voice is heavy, and you can hear the terror behind it as he takes in a shaky breath. You clutch him tighter, your heart skipping.

“And the worst part, was that you didn’t even seem to care.”

You pull back, your own breath starting to hitch as you look at his face, seeing the hurt there. Your heart ached. You would have never tried brushing it off so quickly had you known how much your asthma attack actually affected him.

“No,” You grab his face in your hands, wanting so much to take his pain away, “Baby no! I care! Of course I care! I love you Erik, you know that…”

“I know you do. But I’m talking about you, baby. You didn’t seem to care about yourself… and I didn’t know what to do. I just felt so stuck and helpless and then you sounded so bad…”

You didn’t want to interrupt him, wanting him to say everything he was feeling to help him verbalize it, but you also didn’t want him to start spiraling down a rabbit hole worrying himself with ‘what ifs’.

“Hey, hey,” You stroke his face, bringing it to yours and holding him there. “It’s okay, I hear you baby, I’m with you. Just breathe with me, okay?”

You caress his cheek as you slow down your breath by example, letting him sync up with you until you were both taking deep, steady breaths.

“I never meant to scare you, I promise. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

You hear your own voice start to become choked up too, and even though you don’t want to, you let it come, tears streaming down your face.

You were upset to know that something you treated so casually made him feel this way, and you were upset with yourself for not taking how he felt into consideration when you reacted the way you did.

“I need to know that you’re in this with me, Y/N. I need to know that you care about yourself as much as I do. Cuz when you told me not to call the cops, I was so afraid of what could’ve happened…. and for a second I really thought I was gonna end up alone again…”

You heart all but shatters in a million pieces at the last part, knowing how hard it was for him to refer to the things from his past. Even though it hurt to hear, you were glad he was being honest to help you put things in perspective.

You didn’t realize how many offhanded, crappy jokes you were always making about yourself until you really thought about it. Degrading, dismissive, and crude jokes aimed at yourself had become an almost standard part of your personality, and you were always writing yourself off as part of a humorous anecdote. It was a defense mechanism you’d picked up a long time ago in an effort to try and hurt your own feelings first before someone else had the chance to, and without you even noticing it had become the standard way you chose to speak to yourself.

It was no wonder Erik was upset; all he ever hears is you talk down to yourself. You take a moment to flip the scenario, trying to identify how you would feel if you were in Erik’s shoes, and you sniffle some more.

It would hurt your soul to hear Erik talk about himself so horribly and not take his health seriously, and you don’t need to hear anything else from Erik to understand where he’s coming from.

“I’m in this with you, Stevens. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” You mumble into his lips, both of you looking into each others eyes. He looks between yours for a few moments before he finally relaxes, belief from your words calming him.

He finally presses his lips into yours, kissing you deeply.

“I’m sorry, baby,” You mutter one last time, breaking the kiss.

“Y/N,”

“Yes?”

“I forgive you,”

“Okay,”

“But I’m still upset with you. So let me just kiss you, aiight?”

You smile, definitely understanding that statement.

“Aiight.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Warnings: Angst, Slight fluff, SoftBoi Erik,

Angst won out because it was the only other option people picked other than both 😂😂😂 #frthoyallsomeniggasforthatXD #isaidoneORtheother #bothwasn’tanoptionsis #howyouchooseanoptionthatain’tanoptionSIS

#ahhh if this ended super weird im sorry!!!#no tags right now its 1am and im super tired #erik killmonger #erik killmonger x black!reader #erik killmonger x reader #black panther #black panther fandom #black panther fanfiction #bp #l.t.a.s.#TheHomieFics

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naruto-man · 6 years

Text

What If...

Ok so we know that Jutsu can do a lot of strange things. So I go to thinking today: What if a Jutsu turned Gaara’s crush/child hood friend into a child for a while? Like as Kazikage he sent her back on a mission and before anybody could warn him what happened this little girl who looks like his friend as a child just ran up and hugged his leg. Poor boi would be so confused. So when thinking about this i was thinking about it in my OC’s point of view but i’ll write it in (Y/n)’s with Silvia’s back story and connection with Gaara.

Gaara walked the hall to his office he was expecting you home today. Your mission had taken you far to the land of waves. He heard that the mission was a success but that something unexpected happened, that he would be informed upon your return.

Hearing a commotion behind him he turned to have a little girl hug his leg. “GAWRA!” She laughed looking up at him. “When did you get so tall?”

The child looked like (Y/N) did when she was a child and couldn’t have been more than about four years old. ‘But that can’t be.’ Gaara thought.

A member of his guard picked the girl up and she reached for Gaara crying. “No Gawra don’t let them take me away! GAWRA! GAWRA!” Tears were streaming down her face and Gaara couldn’t help but think of (Y/N).

“No it’s alright.” Gaara reaches out and takes the child from his guard and holds her in one arm. She calms down and wraps her arms around his neck.

“They told me you were the Kazzzzkage.” (Y/N) boops Gaara’s nose and laughs. “How did that happen?”

“W-Who are you?” Gaara asks and the little girl pouts.

“How could you forget your best friend. It’s me (Y/N).” You pout booping his nose again. “You’ve been working to hard.”

Tamari runs up to Gaara having just got back from the mission with (Y/N), Gaara turned to her desperate for an explanation.

“Temari!” (Y/N) giggles from Gaara’s arms. “I won! I found Gawra first!” as if to make your point you hug Gaara around the neck.

“Temari what happened?” Gaara asked walking to his office with Timari.

(Y/N) was upset that Gaara wasn’t paying attention to her so she kept poking his face while Temari explained. In an effort to get her to stop Gaara started making shapes with a small bit of his sand to entertain the girl.

“Well the mission was going fine until (Y/N) used her sand to cover me. Out of no where he got hit by the enemy jutsu and started shrinking. As Far as i can tell she’s reverted back to her four year old self. She didn’t know who I was at first much less the rest of our team. She just sat there and asked where you were. We don’t know how long it will last but we’ve already started looking to to changing her back.”

“Good. Now i have some work i have to do can you take her.”

“No!”

Looking down Gaara saw you had your arms crossed and was pouting, “I don’t wanna go with the mean lady!”

Gaara raised a non existent eyebrow at her. “What is she talking about?”

“Well...”

“Temari said that if i kept crying she wasn’t going to take me to see you! She said i was a brat!” (Y/N) stuck her tongue out. And Temari laughed nervously.

“Very well. You can stay with me but you have to be have ok?” Gaara aske you.

“Ok!”

Going to his office Gaara tried to do paperwork with you on his lap but you kept messing with his papers. He tried sitting you on the floor but you kept poking him wanting attention. H even had someone else trying to get you so he could have a couple hours alone to work but you had just cried and called for him like you did before. By this point he was tired and annoyed, his only chance of peace was when you had taken a nap in his lap a little while ago, and when you ate after waking up.

“Gawra?” You asked softly.

“Yes?” Gaara was starting to lose his patience. He had a lot of work to do and you were making it difficult to say the least.

“I wanna play! Come play with me.” (Y/N) pouts up at him with puppy eyes.

With a long sigh Gaara stands up accepting that he wasn’t going to be getting any work done today. “Where do you wanna go?” He asked picking you up, using his sand to bring you to him.

“The sand box!” You giggle and Gaara sighs.

“Alright but after you have to eat then go to bed its getting late.”

Gaara takes you to the sandbox where he once played with his brother and sister, and where he met you. You made sand castles and he made ones with sand to entertain you. After a while Kunkro came and sat with him.

“So it is true (Y/N) was turned into a child.”

At the sound of her name (Y/N) looked over and hid behind a sand castle that Gaara made. “I remember you, you’re the scary puppet man. You told me i couldn’t be freinds with Gawra.”

Kunkro thought for a moment. “I did?”

She nods. “After Gawra and i played in the sand box you told me to stay away....”

A light bulb went off in Kunkro’s head as he remembered. “That was when we were...” He turns to Gaara. “She doesn’t remember being an adult does she?”

“No. And she wont leave my side i can’t get any work done. But the way she i can’t trust anybody else to keep her safe.”

“I see. Well I’m sure it wont last too long. You really care about her don’t you?”

Gaara nods and uses the sand to bring you to him. “Let’s go eat.”

“But.” You started to pout.

“No you promised. that was the deal to come here.” He said as he started walking. “Say good bye to Kunkro.”

You wave bye as Gaara carries you back to the Kazakage place and has food brought to his office. After you eat Gaara sits with you on the couch rubbing your back while reading some important documents. After a bit he notices that you’ve fallen asleep, so he digs out an old blanket and a pillow he used to carry for you when he was less than sane and you would join him on his sleepless nights on the roof.

At some point you had changed back and Gaara had moved to his desk to work.

“When did i get back to the village?” You asked sitting up.

“I am never having kids.” Is all Gaara said.

#gaara of the sand #sabaku no gaara #Gaara x reader #gaara headcanon #someone get this boy a babysitter

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littlebabycrybtch · 3 years

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ok ik bitches are still going to complain but i gotta rant to keep my shit together;;; ngl after being stuck co-raising two babies now i really feel genuinely Disgusted by unnecessary parent critique. like it actually makes me feel so viscerally upset and depressed when i remember nobody gets this or cares to and probably just wants to call out what im doing wrong, instead of lend me a hand to do it better. man im not treading lightly here the ‘no excuses’ mentality is literally Inhumane to parents and dehumanizes them as these superhumans, they arent, they are people trying to take care of themselves Plus One. there Are ‘excuses’ for not being perfect. just bc every child deserves perfect doesnt mean it can be given and that fucking SUCKS but that is one of the only times im comfortable saying; ‘thats just life’. you cant magically make life better for kids the way you think, you’re not a protector, you’re their Rock to teach them How to DEAL with what life brings, that means you’re allowed to struggle with it too. childcare is like this cosmic design to work you physically and mentally to the brink, fucking forget the normalization of how many people you think you’ve seen raise kids and done fine, it is harder than you can even fathom. they probably did not do fine behind closed doors. the parents with the best behaved and most obedient kids probably did harmful things to make them that way that will eventually come back to them, the parents with the happiest most well adjusted kids probably had the money to provide the extra care for that. there are ‘excuses’. idc if it fucking annoys you or w/e, i dont like being the bitch that says stuff nobody wants to hear, but you truly deeply cannot 100% understand unless you are raising kids, i dont say that to hurt your feewings or exclude you, i used to think that way, i say it bc when you see me passed out on the couch while my nephew gets into something dangerous, its because i got one hour of sleep that night while he kicked me in our bed for 4 hours. he cant help not knowing how that affects both of us, but i cant help being affected by it just cuz im supposed to be ~the big strong adult~, bc i am not a fucking xman. i CANT pretend it all away. while im sitting there napping im also waiting for my mental health meds to start working. im also dizzy from not eating. it sucks that he gets into shit sometimes. hes still gonna get into shit sometimes, and i can do my best, but if i sit here worrying that karens are gonna get pissed abt that and work myself even harder im gonna straight up explode. who does that help. who does me falling apart help. come babysit my kid for free if you wanna help me bitch!

parents are doing twice the work of a normal person while also teaching one of these people theyre caring for, how to BE a person. i used to be SO pro judging parents and im literally nauseated by the judgments now. “i cant believe this parent looked away and their kid got hurt, i cant beleive they just leave them there with a tablet or a snack or a toy while they nap, i cant believe they let them do that, i cant believe--” btich you literally have no idea how lucky you are that they are not both already dead. you are so lucky tehy are both alive and the parent isnt hospitalized for mental health or even physical exhaustion, or addicted to a stimulant (which includes caffeine), or using smth to relax like weed or alcohol (hello wine mom culture), or the kid isnt traumatized from watching their parent have repeatd breakdowns. that is literally better than most situations already. no matter how impossibly perfect the family could be in your mind, kids fuckin get hurt and they make mistakes and the PARENTS make mistakes bc theyre PEOPLE and yall this blows my mind that ppl dont realize this but,,,,, Little kids??? THEY DO NOT LISTEN TO THEIR PARENTS bc they essentially CANT..... for like YEARS there is a period they WILL NOT LISTEN TO YOU at ALL while they have the full autonomy and smarts and strength to cause horrible consequential problems, they are capable of learning how to circumnavigate your ‘babyproofing’ in new ways every single day, but they have ZEROOOOO MORALS OR CAUSE AND EFFECT SKILLS to understand RIGHT FROM WRONG, NO MATTER HOW OFTEN YOU TELL THEM!!!!! IT WONT CHANGE, ITS LITERALLY A PHYSICAL BRAIN THING THAT THEY CANT LEARN WHAT ‘NO’ MEANS FOR A WHILE YET!!! THIS CAN LAST FROM AGE 1 TO 4, SOMETIMES LONGER! THATS GENUINELY INSANITY INDUCING FOR THE ADULT WHOS KEEPING THEM IN LINE HUNDREDS OF TIMES A DAY, KNOWING ITS AMOUNTING TO ALMOST NOTHING UNTIL YEARS LATER!!!! IT DOESNT HELP WHEN PPL JUDGE YOU AND DONT BELEIVE YOU AND THINK YOU JUST ARENT ~TRYING HARD ENOUGH~! holy FUCK dude, idc if you wanna judge, im losing it bc i am being forced to keep my cool while a child whos pinching me and genuinely HURTING and BRUISING me laughs in my face bc he truly DOES NOT KNOW this, and there is NO WAY for me to convey it to make him stop at the moment!!!! thats maddening!!!

listen to me, neither of you dying or experiencing lasting damage is literally the goal every day, not just ‘raising them’, but that you both survive to the end of it. im appalled by how different the lifestyle is and the way ppl just... dont know that/REJECT that information so they get to judge. ofc tiny vulnerable innocent kids deserve the best, parents cannot always provide that if they want to Survive, bc they also deserve , basic understanding and humanity. you call out abuse all you want, theres a difference between the 'lesser of two evils’ choices, or even the genuinely Bad choices you can Accidentally make when at your wits end (which you should immediately correct anyways), and ever causing intentional physical or mental harm to the child, but the secodn yall start nitpicking or blatantly being ignorant to a struggle just so you get your blame validation in i literally cannot AFFORD to give you the time of day, im busy running on minutes of sleep, so if you think i have enough free time to entertain ur whining that my kids got a messy face and has been on his tablet in a highchair for an hour or w/e, idc, im using that time to shower for the first time in 2 weeks bc nobody else is gonna be there for me to let me do that shit :) so frankly put your money where your mouth is and help struggling parents whenever you can. i cant make shit better out of thin air.

“oh, but i dont have the money to help you.” YOU THINK IM AFFORDING CHILDCARE?? YOU CAN COME OVER AND HELP DIRECTLY WHILE I DO CHORES. “oh, but i dont wanna babysit for my friends, i dont like kids.” OH REALLY?????? OH YOU DONT LIKE KIDS??? BC THEYRE DIFFICULT MAYBE ??? SO MAYBE YOU SHOULDNT JUDGE WHEN ITS HARD THEN????? LIKE YOU RLY THINK JUST ‘LIKING THEM’ SUDDENLY MAKES IT EASY FOR ME?? YOU THINK ME FINDING MY NEPHEW CUTE AND LOVING HIM AND HIS LAUGHTER GIVES ME FUCKING SUPERMAN POWERS TO DEAL WITH THIS???????? “but You chose to have kids” rt in my case i literally didnt and would be homeless if not offering to help care for them but HEY COOL CONCEPT PRO CHOICE KINDA FUCKIN INCLUDES WHEN PEOPLE ‘CHOOSE’ TO HAVE KIDS EVEN WHEN THEY STRUGGLE AFTER, TOO LATE TO FUCKIN COMPLAIN NOW, JUST HELP A BITCH OUT. LIke... bro BRO b R O im losing it stop giving parents the inspiration porn treatment while disrespecting the actual struggles they go thru any time the child actually suffers bc they are unable to shield them from their struggle. can i be real, life literally will not go without struggle. you cannot raise them to have a life better than what the world is, you can do your best but you really cant MAKE it fair. once again this is not a ‘raise the perfect child’ contest you are just . trying to raise them at all. its messy. every single day you will have successes and failures, and you’ll be running on empty, and you’ll be doing that just to make it through to do it again tomorrow, while it slowly (AGONIZINGLY SLOWLY) gets easier each day. im tired of pretending lmao i dont wanna hear you bitches judge parents anymore, i dont wanna hear the stupid ass ‘im allowed to’ shit anymore dude!!!!! for gods sake i can agree with you when some shits just plain wrong but ill never apologize for standing up for myself or other struggling parents even if it makes you uncomfy, i can care about Both the child and the parent at the same time, ig i wont ask you why you seemingly cant. 😶 ESPECIALLY when things like classism and ableism tie in so often with these situations. not to mention racism like im white but hoooo if i hear one more story about a black parents ‘negligence’ in efforts of just trying to help their family, like leaving their kids somewhere during a job interview or w/e, vs the white parents that LET THEIR 10 YR OLDS WANDER AROUND MALLS BY THEMSELVES... im gonna scream. im gonna fuckin scream. its so unfair. fuck off, stop the spiteful ignorance, change this shitty hateful culture.

tldr; you Can care about kids while respecting parents, even when they arent perfect. you can advocate for children while also advocating for parents, and in fact, you should fucking try.

#vent/ //#might delete later ///#ok to rb but. i swear to god if this pops off and ppl whine...... literally L I T ER A LL Y come take care of my kids #NO BETTER YET BC ITS ACTUALLY FEASIBLE!! FOR EVERY COMPLAINT. 5 DOLLARS IN MY PAYPAL #SO I CAN AFFORD DAYCARE. LITERALLY IF OYU CLAIM ANY STUPID SHIT BC I ADMIT ITS HARD TO CARE FOR SMALL KIDS #U HAVE NO EXCUSE TO NOT PUT THAT FAKE BITCHY JUDGY CONCERN INTO ACTUAL RESULTS. THANKX #anyways on a real note again this is a vent moreso than a disc horse post thats meant to be shared around so #its not perfect its just. my feelings over the past couple years dealing w this man #really fuckin tired of it i really spent so many years 100% on the side of 'i have critical understanding i get to judge'#no i didnt. no you dont. its not comprehensible till you're pushed to your own limit with childcare. i hate being that btich #cuz nobody wants to hear it. but its the truth swallow it #long post //

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artificialqueens · 7 years

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Say You Won’t Let Go Part 5 (Biadore) - Fucking Awful

A/N: No fan fare, no excuses. Just an apologetic author who finally got her hands on a computer.

For those joining this party now – here’s the link to the first installments:

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

Welcome to the post-All Stars landslide, kids. Let’s cry together.

Say you won’t let go.

October 2015. Danny was locked in the guestroom of his mom’s house in Azusa, writing. He had only a few days left of recording in the studio, so he needed to focus on finishing up the last few songs of the new album before he ran out of time and money.

The album – he and the producers decided it would be called After Party – was coming along really well. His team was pleased that it had plenty of upbeat and synth-y tracks that they hoped might get him into radio play, and Danny was already storyboarding the lead single music video.

And as for those moodier, melancholy tracks Danny was hoping to write earlier in the summer – those came in spades after “The Incident.”

Danny used “The Incident” as mental shorthand for Roy’s housewarming party; calling it something neutral took away its power over him…and kept him from having to decide whether it was his own breakup or Roy’s hookup that upset him the most. As soon as he got home that night, he wrote the lyrics for “I Can’t Love You” on the first takeout napkin he could find. He spent the next few days perfecting the melody to fit his words – the opposite of his usual work pattern – and had the track laid down within the week. “I.C.U.” came next, after waking up in a cold sweat from a dream where he was chasing some kind of glowing light in a sea of darkness. He got that one done just a few weeks later.

Then he broke for All Stars. Literally, broke. Danny didn’t last 3 days back at Drag Race, but that was going to be common knowledge eventually. He went in as a confident artist healing from a breakup and the less-than-year-old death of his father, and he came out a shaken chiona with fresh wounds where all his Band-Aids had been.

Luckily this gave him yet another treasure trove of sadness and disappointment, from which he pulled out two more real gut-wrenchers like “Save Your Breath.” Danny wanted some really dark stuff on this album, and Life sure as hell gave him something to write about. Music was therapy, just as it always had been.

Music also gave Danny an excuse to hide. That was why he was holed up in Azusa, going nowhere but the studio and the house, because he was working on the album – definitely not because he didn’t know how to deal with his friends after The Incident and his All Stars freak out. Danny hadn’t seen anyone but Bonnie and her boyfriend in weeks, and he’d only spoken to Chris over the phone.

Isolation agreed with him. He working on the chorus of one of his bubblier tracks when his phone vibrated. In the zone and unwilling to be distracted, he ignored it. But, much like that crazy bitch from Fatal Attraction, the iPhone would not be ignored, Dan. Periodic vibes became constant buzzing, moving from short text alerts to the long drone of disregarded calls. After a sold 20 minutes of all out iPhone assault, he couldn’t take it anymore.

“Jesus Christ, what the fuck?!” Danny yelled into his phone, picking it up without checking the caller. “Is the Goddamn universe ending?” He had been off in his own creative world, and resented whoever was pulling him back into the real one.

After a long second of silence, a hoarse but recognizable voice spoke. “See, where was this type of anger and hate 2 years ago? Damn, you could’ve at least given me some real competition with that shit.”

Danny froze. Roy.

“Uh, I…Wha…I…” Danny stuttered, hard. He didn’t have a comeback, partially because he was coming down from his moment of rage and partially because he was so surprised to hear that voice.

“That’s more like it. Confused and adorable. How’s my pussyfart doing? Why haven’t you called me? How have you been?“

Confused was right. Why is Roy calling? Danny told him he’d be gone for 10 weeks to do All Stars, but it had barely been 5.

And Roy sounded weird. There was this thing he did with his voice when he was straining to be nice - it got quiet and soft, like he was speaking to a baby bird, and it sounded almost an octave higher. Normally it made Danny laugh, because it sounded so ridiculous in comparison to Roy’s normal voice and reminded him that Roy never understood how warm and comforting he could be without even trying. But in this moment it was unsettling, because he didn’t know why Roy was speaking to him like that.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell. You just surprised me, why are you calling me ri – ” Danny realized it all at once. His fucking mom called Roy and told him what happened at All Stars, that was the only possible explanation. Confusion turned into anger and embarrassment. “Did my fucking mother call you and tell you about All Stars? Oh my God, I am not a child anymore. Jesus Christ, she called you and told you I – ”

“Whoa there, calm your tits kid. She didn’t tell me anything more than you’re back home in Azusa a little earlier than expected, and that she’s worried about you holing yourself up in the studio.”

Danny had set the phone down and was rubbing his face. “Fuuuuuck.”

After a few seconds of silence and a deep breath, he picked the phone back up. “Oh my fucking God, I’m sorry she called you. I am so mort - no, I am fine. I am so totally fine. I don’t know what the hell the woman formerly known as my mother was thinking, but seriously everything is ok. Great. It’s fucking spectacular.”

Danny knew the sarcasm in his voice wasn’t thick enough to cover up how exactly not-at-all-ok he actually was, but he thought he could trust Roy enough to just drop it until he chose to elaborate. He was right.

“Clearly, you sound so balanced and even-keeled right now.” Roy was returning the thick sarcasm in kind. “Look, your mama loves you and knows I’m the only motherfucker around here who can pull you outta whatever fucked up funk you’ve gotten yourself into after being sent home.”

Danny tried to interrupt. Sent home? He must be confused. “No, Roy I -”

But Roy cut him off at the pass. “Just shush and listen to your elders for a second. Cocooning yourself off in your own little sorrow…cocoon, fuck I can’t think of another word…anyway that isn’t going to do you any good. Let’s get out and do something, I’m coming to pick you up in an hour or however long it takes me to drive from Hollywood to ass-fuck Azusa. Just do what I say and for the love of God take a shower before you’re back out in public.”

And with a click, the call ended.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Roy didn’t know how he went home. He thought he got kicked off early and that’s why he was sad. Not because he pussied out within 48 hours and left after crying to Michelle and RuPaul on national television. Not because he couldn’t handle harsh criticism from That’s So Raven. Not because he was so emotionally shattered over other events and wasn’t able to focus on a stupid TV competition. And not because he was too scared to fail so he quit instead.

All things I will now have the pleasure of explaining to Bianca fucking Del Rio. To say Danny wasn’t looking forward to that part was about the understatement of his lifetime. But at least I get to see Roy. And that thought made it all ok again.

So Danny sighed, stood up, and shuffled upstairs to shower - shouting and cursing at Bonnie with every other step, and smiling in between.

…

Roy showed about an hour later, around 4 in the afternoon. He came to the door and hugged Bonnie - Bonnie the traitor, as a still slightly angry Danny thought of her - before grabbing Danny out from behind her and pulling him into a hug.

The hug seemed to defy all rules of space and time. It was bone-crushing at the same time as it was soft and warm. It gave Danny goosebumps and made his chest tense up, but it also sent waves of relaxation down his spine and made his head buzz like it was full of fireflies. It went on forever, but was over way too soon.

“Hey kiddo, how ya doin?” Roy said quietly to Danny as he slowly disengaged from the embrace, gently stroking Danny up and down his back while he did so.

Danny let silence hang, and then it hung for too long. When he realized the pause was getting dramatic, he nearly screeched his next words.

“Better now that mommy called a clown to cheer me up.” He was trying desperately to make a joke. The situation was becoming far to sincere and intimate and confusing for his brain to process, and he was just trying to find an eject button. “What, no balloons or giant shoes? I at least expected a piñata.”

“Oh god, you know I hate when you do that fucking chola voice.” Roy rolled his eyes, the spell of the moment broken. “C'mon you little brat, let’s go.” He bounded down the steps of the house and headed for his car.

“Careful, grandpa, you’ll break a hip! I don’t think Obamacare covers clown-related injuries on anyone over sixty!” Danny yelled after him, gathering the rest of his things from behind the door and trying to shoot a glance at his mom that simultaneously said Thank you and I hate you so much right now.

Roy was already in the car and backing out of the driveway when Danny turned around. “If you aren’t in this car in 30 seconds I’m leaving Delano. You better run - run like you’re chasin’ some of Detox’s trade.”

Danny sauntered slowly over to the car, swaying his hips just a little when he noticed Roy focusing a lot of attention on his body. He held his middle finger up all the while.

…

Roy drove Danny all the way back into LA. They spent the over-an-hour-long car ride catching up on all their quick-and-easy stuff: families, gigs, albums and tours, who of their friends had hooked up with who. It only veered into uncomfortable territory once - when Roy brought up the Handsome Blonde Man who haunted Danny’s dreams. Apparently he was named Tom and also now Roy’s boyfriend. Danny changed subjects as soon as the familiar aching feeling in his chest made his stomach hurt, sharply pivoting to talk about some ridiculous fight he and Chris had over Miley Cyrus. He made sure to fully dodge the other conversation bullet - All Stars - for the full drive.

They ended up at a record store in Silver Lake. Two stories of floor-to-ceiling vinyl, used and new, from beat up old soul 45’s to limited edition Bowie box sets to brand new Chance the Rapper albums.

“Do you actually come here?” Danny asked quizzically as he dug excitedly through a bin marked “Hole.” In all the years he’d known Roy, he’d never known him to be into vintage records. Clothes definitely, books maybe - but Danny had never seen so much as a framed album cover in Roy’s apartment.

Roy was a few rows over, casually flipping through the Musicals section. “Of course, I’m here all the time. It’s not that far from my house, and they have a really, uh, great selection, and there’s good coffee nearby, and over there they’ve got books…”

Danny scoffed. “You’re such a bad liar.” Roy had just done all of his lying “tells” - rambling in a weird cadence, going into unnecessary detail, and not making eye contact.

“What?” Roy kept his eyes on the Rogers and Hammerstein. “I am not, you don’t know everything about me, Daniel. I could be here every fucking week buying records for my…” He trailed off.

“For what? Tell me what you play these on, Mr. DJ.” Danny put a hand on his hip and stared challengingly at Roy.

This was fun, he loved catching Roy in a mistake. Their natural relationship dynamic always made him feel like he was at a disadvantage - as if Roy was smart and he was dumb, Roy was successful and he was a fuck up - so Danny seized on any opportunity to reassure him that they were equal. Especially since he knew he was about to tip his own scales back towards ‘fuck up’ whenever Roy decided to finally ask about All Stars.

“My record player, it’s a…um…it’s…oh fuck it.” Roy stopped pretending to look at through the showtunes stacks and rolled his eyes at Danny. “No, I’ve literally never been here before. I asked Raja for a good place to go for music today and this is what I got. Not bad though, huh?”

Danny was surprised by how quickly Roy gave up. Usually there was at least some kind of fun back-and-forth fighting over who was right, or trying to cover up what they didn’t know, or just full on teasing.

“Why? You always listen to everything on those ugly ass Beats headphones anyway, what would you want with a record?”

There were only a few seconds of awkward silence, but Danny would’ve sworn it was a solid minute.

“I wanted to bring you somewhere to take your mind of things, and I know you love record stores.” Roy looked at Danny with that same sincerity from the hug on the front porch. “I figured you could use the distraction.”

And once again, it made Danny’s heart beat wild. Not because Roy was looking at him with genuine care and compassion. No, of course not.

And not because Roy was willing to sacrifice his very limited time off to do something he knew only Danny would enjoy, and that wasn’t something people did normal friends.

Nope, definitely not. It was certainly because Danny was just afraid to tell him about All Stars, that he wasn’t kicked off but instead made the decision to walk away…

“Oh.” That was all Danny could muster.

They spent about 45 more minutes wandering the shop before the owner came out from behind the poster-littered cash wrap and told them both he’d be closing down for the night. Danny bought a new Lana Del Rey album and a beat-up bootleg of a Nine Inch Nails concert from the late 90’s. He was surprised when Roy followed behind to buy a book on Stevie Nicks’ impact on fashion - leave it to him to find a book about clothes in a warehouse full of music.

Danny was starving, and it was far enough past sunset that he didn’t feel like a senior citizen for suggesting dinner. Roy knew of a good Mexican place with strong margaritas a few doors down, and they headed over.

Two hours later, tacos were came and went, margaritas were inhaled like water, shots were knocked back at machine-gun pace, and Danny had officially exhausted all his small talk options. Oh, and also he was drunk. As fuck. In sum, officially out of ways to avoid talking about the elefante in the room.

“So Daniel Noriega.” Roy was slurring his words just a bit, but he was at least two notches less drunk than Danny.

It’s that fucking New Orleans thing, Danny thought to himself. Roy is like a fucking steel tank. He may as well be sober.

(He wasn’t.)

“It’s time to ‘fess up. What’d you wear to piss off Michelle so much that she shoved her fist up Ru’s ass and made him send you home?” Even when tipsy Roy knew how to be hateful. Shit, maybe even more so when he’d been drinking.

“Well, you cunt, it was actually that dress youuuuu -” Danny waved another shot of tequila under Roy’s nose as he gestured towards him “- gave me for the show. Did you and your precious new boyfriend just want to sabotage me?”

Roy grabbed the dangling shot from Danny’s hand and slammed it back. “No way, not possible. That dress was fucking beautiful, it was black and sexy and it sparkled, bitch.” Roy tried unsuccessfully to tongue pop, a sure sign he was getting more drunk by the second; only drunk Roy dug unironically into the Laganja-isms.

“Yeah, well, Michelle thought otherwise. She told me I had hogbody again.”

“What? That shady whore, I swear I -” Roy tried to interject but Danny talked over him, cutting off whatever tirade against Michelle he was about to launch.

“But it didn’t matter, it wasn’t about the dress. Not really, at least. It was about me. How I didn’t care. How I didn’t try, I don’t try, I never try.”

As he spoke, Danny began to feel an unfamiliar emotion in this story: anger. When he’d recounted it to Bonnie, and every time he’d gone through it in his own head, he’d only ever felt embarrassed and sad. But now he felt a fire in his stomach - no doubt fueled by tequila, but still.

“Who the fuck did she think she was, talking to me like that? I’m the fan-fucking-favorite of all time. Of any Drag Race season. EVER. And she thinks she can tell me I don’t care and I don’t try? And that goddamn Raven…”

Danny steamrolled over Roy whenever he tried to respond or ask a question. “Raven was there?”

There was no derailing him, though. The floodgates had been opened, and the weeks of anger Danny had been repressing now flooded out like blood through the halls of The Shining hotel.

“Michelle just made it ok for Raven Simon - Simone - Salmon - ugh, however you say her name. She fucking tore me to shreds for no fucking reason. What has she done since her Disney Channel show like a million years ago? Talk about a joke, someone who doesn’t do anything. Where the hell does she come off saying I’m a bad singer or that I’m fat or that I’m lazy and untalented…”

“She said what now?”

Danny was basically talking to himself at this point. “Screw both of them. They’re idiot fucking people with idiot fucking opinions.” He knew he didn’t mean it all - he loved Michelle like a father - but he just needed to say it.

“Well that’s a constructive, adult response to the situation.”

“Whatever, I’m glad I quit. I’m better than all that anyway.” Danny said it so confidently he almost believed himself.

The moment of drunk, anger-high reassurance was gone as soon as it came.

“You did what?” Roy looked at Danny in disbelief.

Danny was so surprised by Roy’s surprise - and so drunk from the tequila - that he didn’t think to sugar coat anything.

“I quit. They were cunts to me on the first day, so on the second day I quit.”

Uncomfortable silence crashed the party once again. Roy was just staring at him, his eyes slightly squinting and his focus darting around. It was like he was trying to compute whatever Danny had just said, and it went on unbearably long.

“I stood up for myself, Roy.” He couldn’t take the quiet stare, so he broke eye contact and directed his words at the empty shot glass he was idly spinning. Danny knew this made him look like a nervous little boy.

“It was the only thing I could’ve done. If you’d been there, you’d have told me to do the same thing.”

Roy’s expression didn’t change, but he looked away now, too. His eyes searched for the waiter, who he waved at aggressively. “Hi, excuse me. Hello!”

“Roy, I know I should’ve told –”

But Roy wasn’t listening. The waiter had arrived. “Can we get the check please? Actually, just take my card.” He fumbled for his wallet, yanked out his Amex, and threw it on the table. “Faster you bring that back, the bigger the tip.”

He then proceeded to pull out his phone and start dialing, continuing to ignore all Danny’s attempts to speak. It was freaky when Roy got like this, slipped into tunnel vision and disregarded everything around him. Danny knew it was his way of keeping his emotions in check. A Roy this focused was a Roy trying to keep cool.

“Look, I –”

“Justin? Hey, sorry if I woke you up.” Roy ignored Danny and spoke to the voice on the other end of the call. “No, no I’m fine. I need a favor - can you come get my car from El Coyote and drive it home? I’m here with Danny and I’m too drunk to drive. I figured if you’re not out you could…Ok great, thanks. It’s in the valet, I’ll tell them you’re coming. We’re jumping in an Uber. You’re the best, Thunderfuck.”

The waiter came back and Roy signed for the bill. True to his word, he left a 50% tip.

“Come on, Danny. We’re leaving.” Roy acknowledged his presence for the first time in maybe 10 minutes, but still wouldn’t make eye contact. “Uber is outside, I can’t take you home so you’ll stay at my place. Tell Bonnie.”

“Um, I’m not a child going to a sleepover.” Given the childishly defiant way in which he was speaking, and the childishly ashamed way he’d just been sitting, Danny recognized his own deep hypocrisy. “You don’t get to order me around and –”

Roy stood up from the table and finally looked at Danny. “I don’t want to fight with you right now. Can we please just go?”

The exasperation in Roy’s voice was apparent, and it caught him off guard. Frustration, condescension, even anger - those would’ve made sense. But somehow he just looked sad and tired.

“Okay, sure.” Roy walked towards the exit, and Danny stood to follow.

…

The silent car ride gave Danny just enough time to spiral. Both he and Roy were staring out their windows, probably making the Uber driver think they had just gotten into a huge fight. Danny almost wished they had - at least Roy would be talking to him if they were fighting, and yelling at each other must be better than not speaking at all.

Instead, the absence of words led him down a rabbit hole of thought. Roy has never been this quiet, not with me. Is he that angry? Did I let him down that badly? He must’ve known I couldn’t get far without him, that I’d disappoint him in the end. Him, my mom, my fucking fans…

It was a particularly dark rabbit hole, and one he’d become deeply acquainted with since he left All Stars. He knew every nook of self-doubt, every cranny of anger, every pothole of depression. By the time the car pulled up to Roy’s place, Danny was approaching the final circle of his own personal hell.

Roy had been in his own head enough that he didn’t notice. Danny trailed behind him from the car to the elevator to the hallway, tears welling up all the while.

Inside the apartment, Roy threw his keys on the table and walked straight towards his kitchen. He wasn’t watching Danny as he poured two giant glasses of water, but he began talking immediately.

“I’m trying to think of what to say here, Danny, but I’m just at a fucking loss. You left? You fucking left?” He still wasn’t yelling, but there was a tinge of annoyance in his tone that wasn’t there before.

“You’re so special, so talented and amazing. You couldn’t just believe that enough to tough it out and win? You know you would’ve won if you had just –”

The speech was cut off by Danny’s own sob. One heave, two heaves, and then a waterfall of breathes, apologies and shudders tumbling out while he leaned on the door for support. The combination of too much tequila, chased with a mixer of his own and Roy’s disappointment, was too much for Danny to handle.

That caught Roy’s attention; he dropped his Brita and nearly jumped over the kitchen counter, sliding his hands around Danny’s waist just as he was about to collapse under the weight of his own crying.

“Oh, hey. Babe, shh.” Roy guided them over to the couch. “I didn’t mean to make you…I just don’t understand what happened. Help me understand what happened.” He was trying to talk to Danny, who was too busy trying to catch a deep breath between hiccuping and not inhaling tears.

“I - I’m so sorry - I let you down - and I’m - such a - shit - to everybody - I -” Danny got out 15 words before another wave of sobs. He and Roy had settled into a somewhat comfortable position on the couch - Roy seated, Danny resting his head on his left pec and soaking his shirt in the same spot. He took a few minutes to gather some words.

The steady beating of Roy’s heart under the weight of his head, matched with Roy’s in-rhythm stroking of his hair, eventually calmed him enough to speak again.

“Roy, I know I made a mistake. What they said, it just -”

“What did they say to you? Dan, you have to tell me.” Roy was trying to sound calm, but in a sharp tone that Danny could tell was holding back anger.

“I can’t, and you’ll see it eventually anyway. You’re going to think it’s so stupid, I just couldn’t take their shit after everything that happened this summer. I walked in there and I was ready to fall apart from the beginning. I had just had my fucking heart ripped out of my chest, and - ”

“Oh, babe. I thought you were okay with the breakup? You told us you were fine after he -”

Danny scoffed. That’s not what I meant, idiot. Obviously I mean you.

“No, I - it wasn’t that. I guess not. I just, I couldn’t handle knowing that I was going to end up disappointing everyone.” Danny could feel the tequila making him real ramble-y and real honest, but he couldn’t stop himself.

“The way Ru and Michelle were looking at me on that stage, like I had fallen from a pedestal or something. And Michelle, when we talked it was just, like, pity. I don’t know, it just like broke my brain to see how I failed them.” He paused to wipe his runny nose.

“And thinking about how I would let down my mom and my fans and you - I mean, letting down other people is one thing but when you know you can’t live up to the expectations of the person you’re in lo -”

Even in his most hammered of hammered states, Danny would’ve cut himself off before he finished saying the words “in love with.” But before he could self-censor, he was silenced by the violent change in Roy’s heartbeat. Just as he began the phrase, the pounding on the warm chest beneath him went from the rhythm of soft jazz to the thump of an Afrojack track.

“What?”

Danny didn’t respond, he didn’t know what to say. He was mesmerized by the heartbeat, afraid to speak in case the words he wanted to desperately to hide would come spilling out. This was not the time for this conversation - not while Roy had a boyfriend, while Danny was lying in his arms blubbering like a baby, while they were both drunk, while he wouldn’t get the response he so desperately wanted.

But Roy wouldn’t abide the silence. “Dan, what were you going to -” Roy’s voice cracked, something it never did. And for some reason that made Danny cry all over again, all the way to sleep.

As he drifted off, tears rolling down his face, he would’ve sworn he felt some falling on the top of his head like rain drops.

He would’ve been right - they were Roy’s.

…

Danny woke up around 4:30. He was still nestled up in Roy, but they’d fallen into a more laying down than sitting up situation. The right side of his face was damp, as was the bit of Roy’s chest he’d taken up as a pillow for the last five hours. He was safely wrapped in Roy’s arms, one of which wrapped around his waist while the other laid atop the long black hair he’d been stroking.

Danny gave himself just a few deep breaths to enjoy the moment - the warmth, the safety, the peace - before his eyes snapped open and his head began to throb. It throbbed from salty shots and margaritas, from embarrassment, and from the memory that Roy had a fucking boyfriend.

Knowing Roy was a heavy sleeper, Danny slowly slipped himself out of the dare-he-call-it-spooning position and stood up from the couch. He saw Roy adjust slightly at the loss of an extra body, also losing the dopey smile that was plastered on his sleeping face.

Watching this, Danny’s stomach started to turn - and not just the normal hangover nausea. He was getting the same stomach pangs he felt when his dad passed, the same ones he felt when he lost Season 6 - a pain he’d come to associate with losing something he didn’t have in the first place.

Danny knew he had to get out of the apartment. He grabbed his phone - still in his pocket and alive, thank God - and called for an Uber. He knocked back both the glasses of water left on the counter before scribbling a note on Roy’s whiteboard:

Sorry I had to leave, needed to get home for mom stuff. Don’t tell anyone what we talked about or you owe me the contract violation money, bitch. Love you x 10000.

Danny spent the hour long ride back to Azusa writing out the lyrics to “4 a.m.”

#adore delano #bianca del rio #biadore #say you won't let go #fucking awful #rpdr fanfiction #submission #sywlg #canon compliant

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incorrect-shinee-quotes · 7 years

Text

okay this is literally so mESSY and unorganized but it’s funny n so you’re all just gonna have to deal with it

- this is just really domestic ot5 doing their Thing so??? here ya go my dudes -

(THEY ALL STILL LIVE TOGETHER IN THIS JUST AN FYI)

jesus fuck it’s sO LOUD

they should leave and do something

DONT THEY NEED SOMETHING FROM THE STORE

yes of course they do yes jinki pls let’s leave

yes taem let’s leave these LOUD IDIOTS (idiots meaning minho and key being EXTRA)

(sos help jinki his ears are in pain and he just wants to drink his old man coffee and attend to his old man business but instead he has to leave the couch to go to the store why @ god)

taem and jinki leave to go to the store for URGENT GROCERIES

probably just like…. minho’s fitness whatever the fuck and maybe some lucky charms bc taem is an actual child

they ONLY ARGUE ONCE (three times)

don’t mind them okay they’re gay and In Love but no taemin you cannot buy 4 family sized boxes of cereal that’s too much for a single person

“BUT JINKI”

“taemin i sWEAR TO GOD WE’RE LEAVING”

taemin: :-(

jinki is w e a k for taemin’s pout this is why he should never be the one to go shopping with this boy

jinki: okay you little brat fine you can get TWO BOXES but no more

taemin: :-D

it literally takes them eight years to find the right fitness shit for minho because he buys VERY SPECIFIC THINGS

“couldn’t we just buy not that and sped less money but cover the label”

“taemin no 1. he would kill us both and 2. he’d know immediately he’s not that dense”

ok they got the stuff now they can go everything’s fine they didn’t forget anything

they’re half way home

SOS THEY FORGOT SOMETHING

it was eggs it’s fine

okay everything’s okay now they have everything they’re going home

they’re home and it’s sTILL LOUD

ontae: *opens door*

LOUD SCREECHING

“MINHO YOU SHITFUCK GET THAT AWAY FROM ME ITS D I S G U S T I N G”

god fucking dammit it was so peaceful outside now he has to deal with this

jinki walks into the living room to find minho holding a container of some mysterious fuzzy thing probably food from the back of their fridge in the key’s face

ah. that’s why the screeching

“okay minho get it out of his face and clean it up!! and kibum pls stop yelling”

“OKAY!” minho is in the kitchen now how did he get there so fast

probably his long ass giant legs

key’s absolutely disgusted but it’s fine it’s okay EVERYTHINGS!!! FINE!!!

no it’s not he hasn’t moved in 5 minutes and jinki is concerned

jong walks in and??? what???? is happening?????

jong is confused because?? why is minho doing dishes this is crazy and also why??? does key look like his soul has left his body?????

“what is happening here??” - jong

“jong you were here the entire time how are you unaware of what was happening in your own living room”

WHAT???? taemin has suddenly appeared next to him what in the holy fuck when did he get there??

“i-well you see,,, so okay i was here but also i was doing IMPORTANT WORK in my room and couldn’t hear what they were saying-”

“he was loudly scream-singing the entirety of the moana soundtrack in his room”

minho shut up he was attending to some important!!! business!!!

taemin: ah yes that makes sense

key still hasn’t moved

okay minho r u medusa did you turn him into stone

taemin shut up you idiot

minho is laughing ok that’s enough for taem

no but really though is he okay?? minho really didn’t mean to upset him that much it was just really funny??

guilty giant angel minho going over and patting key’s shoulder tryin to console him

jong: scoffs that’s not how you comfort somebody

taemin: did you just say scoffs

jong is now hugging key and probably leading him to the couch for Official SHINee Group Cuddles

everyone has piled onto the couch and after about 16.5 minutes key has come back to life and smacks minho very hard in the face

okay rude but he deserved it

#this is so dumb why do i love it so much #ALSO!!! FEEL FREE TO SEND PROMPTS OR STORIES I CAN BASE STUFF ON THAT'D BE FUN BC INTERACTION AND MORE CONTENT #please tell me what you think????#taemin #lee taemin #jinki #lee jinki #key #shinee key #kim kibum #minho #choi minho #jonghyun #kim jonghyun #shinee #shinee fic #??? i guess #bullet fic thing #ace tries

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lizziebennet · 7 years

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Hi Aurora okay first tysm for your blog It's so lovely to have another person so passionate about my fave things (i.e hp and period dramas) Anyway, i recently read the HP series (again) and found myself feeling SO MUCH. I genuinely teared up at so many different touching parts and I was just wondering what are your favorite most heart-wrenching/emotional parts from the books? I realize this is a lengthy quesition so feel free to never answer this or take a year.

ye S SS i love being passionate ab things and sharing that passion w my followers!!!!! i love yall esp when u ask me questions like this where i get to talk ab my fave things everrrrrrrrr (ps thank u so much for letting me take forever to answer this ur so cute to say that ilysm)

ok so literally i will cry my way thru the entire series when i reread bc harry potter has so much emotional weight for me and so many memories that go along with it. but i decided to limit myself to just 10 bc otherwise id be sitting here typing all day. so w/o further ado:

AURORA’S TOP 10 MOST TEARFUL HARRY POTTER MOMENTS:

((in no particular order))

HARRY READS LILY’S LETTER IN DH: listen harry doesnt actually spend a lot of the books angsting over the fact that he doesnt have parents but in moments like this u remember he IS AN ORPHAN AND IT GETS ME SO HARD. fuk like just picturing harry crouched on the floor of sirius’s bedroom reading that letter… rereading it… crying… wow.gif!!!!! the line that makes me cry eveRY TIME is “She had made her g’s the same way he did : he searched through the letter for every one of them, and each felt like a friendly little wave glimpsed from behind a veil.“ LIKE RIP RIP RIP ABORT ABORT ABORT ITS TOO SAD!!!!!

THE LOST PROPHECY IN OOTP: JESSESCREAMING.JPEG!!!!!!!!!!!! listen ,,, i talk ab this chapter so much on my blog. it is my #1 favorite moment in my #1 favorite harry potter book which is my #1 favorite series of all time. SO ITS A PRETTY BIG DEAL. harry’s reaction to sirius’s death… his anger at dumbledore… his grief… his discovery of his fate… its beautiful writing and its so painful but so amazing to read. LIKE!!!!! MY BABY!!! HE’S LOST SO MANY PEOPLE!!!!!!!! MY SWEET SUMMER CHILD!!!!!!!!!! “I DON’T CARE!“ Harry yelled at them, snatching up a lunascope and throwing it into the fireplace. “I’VE HAD ENOUGH, I’VE SEEN ENOUGH, I WANT OUT, I WANT IT TO END, I DON’T CARE ANYMORE!” “You do care,” said Dumbledore. He had not flinched or made a single move to stop Harry demolishing his office. His expression was calm, almost detached. “You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it.”” LIKE LITERALLY WHEN I GET TO THIS POINT I HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK BC IM CRYING SO MUCH I CANT MAKE OUT THE WORDS!!!!!!!!!!!! also fun story: one time i was listening to ootp on audiobook while on vacation and we were in the car waiting to taxi on to a ferry boat and we were listening to this chapter when the ferry guy came by to take our tickets and i had like TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE and jim dale is yelling as harry in the background…. the guy was like ‘is this bitch ok??’ lmaOOOOo

HARRY AND THE MIRROR OF ERISED IN SS: this is another one of those moments where you remember that harry is an orphan and its /so/ painful. thinking about this teeny 11 year old baby harry sneaking out every night just to sit in front of this mirror so he can see his parents………my darling baby sweetheart i love him So Much. it just makes me so sad like hes /so young/ AND HE JUST WANTS TO SEE HIS PARENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHH!! it also gives way to one of my all time favorite hp quotes: “It does not do well to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”

HARRY STOPS SIRIUS AND LUPIN FROM KILLING PETER IN POA: me reading this part is literally ISAYTHATSMYBABYANDIMREALLYPROUD.GIF!!!!!! like!! my boy!! he finds out this man literally caused the death of his parents and he MAKES THE GROWN ASS ADULTS SPARE HIS LIFE… LIKE… he literally acts twice his age and is so mature and is just…….so amazing. it shows such strength and wisdom and it makes me SO PROUD. the way he references james also makes me cry because you see the relationship harry has with james even though he’s literally never met him and its so beautiful. i love harry so much.

HARRY AFTER SECTUMSEMPER-ING MALFOY IN HBP: this is literally the opposite of that last one where im so proud of harry this is def… not one of his best moments lol. he rly rly fucks up and his guilt is so raw and it makes me so emotional because i feel SO bad for him. its def an important harry moment in the books because it shows his flaws and the consequences of his rage, but it also shows how GOOD he is because he feels so bad about what happens and like willingly takes his punishment even though it means that he cant play in the quidditch match. he really like… atones and even tho its rough to read i def love that its a part of the series bc its a really like watershed moment for harry and i think it really reminds him of the wizard he wants to be. this part also leads to i think a more satisfying harry/ginny first kiss bc ginny defends harry and then him not going to the game leads to “several sunlit days” AKA ONE OF MY FAVE HP MOMENTS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

HARRY AND HERMIONE VISIT JAMES AND LILY’S GRAVE IN DH: “But they were not living, thought Harry: They were gone. The empty words could not disguise the fact that his parents’ moldering remains lay beneath snow and stone, indifferent, unknowing.And tears came before he could stop them, boiling hot then instantly freezing on his face, and what was the point in wiping them off or pretending? He let them fall, his lips pressed hard together, looking down at the thick snow hiding from his eyes the place where the last of Lily and James lay, bones now, surely, or dust, not knowing or caring that their living son stood so near, his heart still beating, alive because of their sacrifice and close to wishing, at this moment, that he was sleeping under the snow with them.” THIS IS ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS THAT I HAVE TO STOP READING BC IM CRYING SO MUCH I CANT MAKE OUT THE WORDS ANYMORE. I CRIED TYPING THIS. IM SO SAD.

THE FOREST AGAIN IN DH: hoo boy. hoooooo boy this is a Big One. this one is really…. wow. just. wow. [deep breath]. there is So Much in this chapter that makes me cry where do i even START. harry realizing that he has to die and ACCEPTING IT BRAVELY LIKE THE HERO HE IS. “Why had he never appreciate what a miracle he was, brain and nerve and bounding heart?” im crying….. hes so good. HARRY NEARLY STOPPING WHEN HE SEES GINNY and ginny’s crying and comforting some girl and im crying too. JAMES. SIRIUS. LILY. REMUS. WHEN HARRY ASKS IF IT HURTS TO DIE LIKE LITEARLLY I HAVE TO PUT THE BOOK DOWN AND GET UP AND WLAK AROUND THE ROOM BECAUSE I GET SO EMOTIONAL LIKE. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! when harry sees harry and screams at him ……………… rip in pieces me!!!!!!!! ALSO ONE OF HIS LAST THOUGHTS BEFORE THE AVADA KEDAVRA IS OF GINNY AND KISSING HER……….. [GUNSHOTS] [SCREAMING]

BELLATRIX TORTURES HERMIONE IN DH: fuk this scene is no joke scary like it took harry potter to another level of real darkness. hermione being tortured was so chilling like beautiufl amazing smart snarky hermione it was so painful to read like my heart rate goes up when i read it bc im worried for my girl :/ and ron is sHAKING and like screaming and literally throwing himself at the walls to try to get to her and its SO upsetting like. they are still CHILDREN like theyre all so young and they dont deserve this like. hearing her plead and stuff … its just…. too much. these are my CHILDREN i have to PROTECT them.

HARRY DIGS DOBBYS GRAVE IN DH: this is another one of those harry moments where i just want to give him a huge hug. like he insists on digging dobby’s grave by hand which is just ..... [gets choked up] its fine. and his thoughts while he dig make me so sad. he so /tired/. hes so frustrated with dumbledore and he the hallows and the horcruxes and he feels responsible for what happened. and ron coming out and helping him dig silently makes me so happy and its one of those times u really see how much rons friendship means to harry. and harry comes out of this like ... older and more mature? his wisdom and knowledge is rly apparent when he talks with griphook and olivander right after this like. he knows what hes going to do. hes made his choice. hes not going to race voldemort for the wand. i love him so much for that choice. hes such a grown man in this part like accepting responsibility, taking care of hermione and everyone like getting things in order. i love him.

MRS WEALSEY HUGS HARRY IN THE HOSPITAL WING IN GOF: “’It wasn’t your fault, Harry,’ Mrs. Weasley whispered. ‘I told him to take the cup with me,’ said Harry. Now the burning feeling was in his throat too. He wished Ron would look away. Mrs. Weasley set the potion down on the bedside cabinet, bent down, and put her arms around Harry. He had no memory of ever being hugged like this, as though by a mother. The full weight of everything he had seen that night seemed to fall in upon him as Mrs. Weasley held him to her. His mothers face, his father’s voice, the sight of Cedric, dead on the ground all started spinning in his head until he could hardly bear it, until he was screwing up his face against the howl of misery fighting to get out of him.” HARRY POTTER DESERVES MORE HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he feels so guilty about cedric and god bless mrs weasley for telling him it wasnt his fault because it WASNT!!! he did so amazing in the graveyard like.. .he saw voldemort return and he fought him and he survived and he saw his paretns and hE TOOK CEDRICS BODY BACK SO IT COULD BE WITH HIS FAMILY!!!!!!!! HE TOOK IT BACK FOR THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i would die a thousand deaths if it meant that harry didnt have to experience this pain!!!!

whew so there we go!!!!! the bottom line is obviously that i love the harry potter series more than anything and specifically i love the boy harry potter so so SO much and his suffering is agonizing to read and he didnt deserve any of it!!! i can litearlly think of SO many more heartbreaking moments in the series but here are just a handful. happy birthday to harry!!!

#anonymous #aurora got an ask #hp #aurora RANTS

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nettlestonenell · 7 years

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@nettlestonenell: And the truth is, if I'm being 100% real and honest is that: there is no fill-in fic. B/C Han and Leia never broke up. I mean, I don't see WHY the writers felt they had to break them up (other than they wanted a reunion scene). TFA's story can still function well without having blown all three of the trio apart in the intervening years. Certainly, Han's death can be just as resonant w/o his having to be estranged from Leia. Everything is crap in Leia's life in TFA; she's lost Luke, her son, Han, and she's still fighting the same war. It's more weight than her character should bear. So, in truth, there is no fill-in fic in my mind. B/C that break-up didn't happen.

BUT, if you've got a gun to my head, I reckon a fill-in fic that would upset me less would be: Han and Leia had it rough in the beginning following RotJedi. Han had trouble adjusting (not to being second to Leia in most people's eyes, but to State dinners and pomp and deportment, and, like trying not to flinch every time someone called him General Solo, and being expected to stay put in one place).

After decades of being on his own, at the beck and call of no one, joining the Rebel Alliance was a rough transition. He worried that more seasoned Rebels were snickering about him behind his back. He worried that he wasn't being sent on missions b/c someone was trying to protect him for Leia's sake. He flinched at being sent away from her (when he wanted to be close) and being assigned to tasks near her (when he wanted to get away)… His life of smuggling still dogged him on the rougher planets. Past scores and broken deals caused trouble he couldn't always get out of without a scuffle or a fire fight--that would have nothing to do with re-joining the galaxy under the Rebel Alliance, and banishing what was left of the Empire. He knew the upper echelon of the Alliance was having secret meetings about how to “deal” with him. He knew the meetings were secret, even from Leia.

He hated to feel like he was a burden on her, on her leadership, her effectiveness. He said none of this aloud.

Leia simply had no time. Like any new president in her first 100 (or first 1,000) days, she barely slept. She traveled extensively. She studied studied studied to learn things about all the new worlds they were trying to bring into the Alliance. She was one of the few left alive that had any background in, or affinity for, diplomacy. And on many worlds the cultural importance of a consort (and the fact her side was often vacant) was not to be underestimated. When he was there, Han made gaffes. Sometimes he was found to be wanted on the world they had traveled to treat with. It was rough and bumpy, but not impossible. And then came the baby. They were overjoyed. Excited, terrified. Chewbacca seemed like the only one who felt pretty chill about the whole thing. Then again, Wookies simply take turns wearing their young more or less for the first two years of life. But Leia was torn between her considerable duties and the baby, and Han was simply unsure what sort of parent he had the capacity to be (he recalled little enough of his own parents).

NN: And then the baby showed signs of being, well, gifted. And Leia became convinced giving the child into Luke's care was the only way to avoid, to hedge against creating a second Vader.

NN: Han didn't like it--not because of Luke, but--he liked being around the kid. It made him feel different, in a good way. A fresh way. But Leia was so sure it was the right thing to do, and he--well, he'd never been very good at figuring out the right things to do. So, he agreed.

NN: When everything happened, they were still together. The Rebel Alliance had been disbanded, or nearly so. Leia's responsibilities had diminished. No one was complaining or strategizing about Han’s proclivities toward adventure and smuggling anymore. Han had started to feel something like comfortable.

NN: Ben's actions, his kidnapping/turning away from the Light, savaged them, though. They hung on each other. Sleepless nights were shared.

Luke disappeared.

Even more light and spark vanished from Leia's eyes.

NN: And Han...well, Han went back to what he knew. Except now, instead of chasing illegal cargo, he flew and bargained, and shook trees like the old days, no longer to locate valuable, illegal freight, but to try and find their son.

He always returned, but for months he'd be absent--radio silence--chasing leads with Chewie. Taking on dangerous cargo to finance his hunt.

NN: And then one day he came back and asked for Leia, and a new staffer of hers told him she was in a meeting, and could not be disturbed. And he spied something of the meeting, how elegant and perfect Leia looked in it. She laughed (his own perception too skewed to realize it was polite, not genuine, laughter), she parlayed.

I'm not needed here, he thought. I carry with me the shadow of my son, and all that has occurred, and all that has been lost. Because of me coming into her and Luke's life.

And he found Chewie, without explaining why, and determined he would not be back until he'd found both Luke and Ben, and she could laugh like that at him again.

Leia exited the meeting feel tense and drained. It was a masque, after all, this variety of diplomacy. A play without a script.

Did I see General Solo? she asked the new aide.

No, I don't think so, Ma'am, the aide replied, having been instructed by several of Leia's advisors that they would just as soon chase the smuggler off as have to keep putting up with his stubborn, backward ways.

@reblogginhood: ok, so you are obviously 100% correct that they never needed to break up Han and Leia, and it was dumb to do so, because he could have been out there and found Rey and Finn without having to be estranged (but...not even really estranged???) from Leia

and honestly, that was the most frustrating part--they didn't even give Han and Leia ANY kind of story

there didn't appear to be anything to reconcile; there was no story to their reunion; it was just there, it seemed for the Kylo backstory

RBHOOD: but ANYWAY

all that said

HOW DARE YOU GIVE ME THESE FEELINGS WITH THAT FILL-IN

and also THANK YOU FOR THESE FEELINGS

and of course, on the other side, Leia assumes Han just couldn't be happy tied down to the life she has to live

and assumes he's happier wherever he is out there without her

(mutual pining is my fave trope)

NN: Like, being royal and the dramatic irony of your staff keeping you in the dark about things/decisions/actions is certainly a jam of mine.

NN: But, you know, the loss of Han is also (importantly) the loss of Chewbacca for Leia. And for every time Han put a foot wrong, on so many planets the presence of a Wookie in the Alliance's retinue put a foot just *right*, lent an air of nobility to the proceedings.

NN: And he gave the best hugs, Chewbacca. Leia misses him.

NN: When she can't sleep (which is often), and she can't stare at another diplomatic briefing (which happens sometime after 2am), she lies down on the smallest, narrowest thing she can find; a chair, a couch, a cramped window seat--and imagines she's in a bunk on the Falcon with Han, his arm laced around her back as they sleep—as they always slept--to make sure she doesn't fall off the rack.

NN: Han, who would rather no one knew how sentimental he is (he pretends they don't notice that he treats a way-too-old ship like his own maiden auntie), takes to stopping by the O2 masks on the Falcon, hanging ever-in-the-ready. Sometimes he pulls one down, takes a hard, unnecessary drag on it.

Tells himself maybe that was it--that was the one, the one Leia always used. That in doing so he can once again share breath with her, be close.

NN: Chewbacca? Chewbacca worries. He doesn't mention it, but about six months after Luke goes missing he starts to shed, even though it's unseasonal, not the right time.

NN: He follows Han, they smuggle to finance their search, but the jobs seem more dangerous now, and Han gets less joy out of the danger than before. Solo is become a man driven, weary and almost spent, even from the moment he wakes. Chewbacca begins to feel too old for this life.

Chewbacca misses Luke. Luke was good for a laugh. Luke made them all smile, or worry in concert. That was his job, his function in this family. But the worrying before was never so laced with fear, with loss.

Chewbacca thinks: it is the difference between worrying over whether a stew might be burned, and whether your planet's deathly drought will ever end.

It is oppressive.

NN: The two of them chase the slightest whispers of Ben's whereabouts, surely the last people in the galaxy interested in finding the boy after what he did. They run after hare-brained, wild goose chase information they know to be nothing more than that about Luke’s location. Still, they carry on.

Occasionally, they find themselves learning news of what the Alliance is becoming: the Resistance.

Occasionally, a news transmission includes an image of Leia.

After seeing it, Han does not sleep for three solar days.

NN: Leia comes down with a migraine so rough nothing the medical droids can offer her short of sedation can take the edge off it.

But she has a meeting with a group that can help finance new weaponry her Resistance desperately needs.

NN: She insists on attending, knowing her inclusion in the talks is found to be inspirational, an essential stamp of approval, by many.

Traveling back to base in the shuttle, she retches long and hard into the nearest receptacle. I'm sorry, she apologizes to the pilot and the flight crew for the mess.

As they disembark back at base camp she realizes; it's Han's birthday.

RBHOOD: OH GOD NOW I'M CRYING AGAIN

just imagining the musical montage of leia and han thinking about each other at the same time as they can't sleep, thousands of light years apart

RBHOOD: ..........and of course, you know, diplomacy sometimes requires a bit of flirtation

and Han catches a video clip by accident on a news feed on a distant station

and after a moment of paralysis he thinks, this is good, this is good, this is where she always ought to have been, and I want her to be happy

and he almost makes himself believe it

NN: And then, off in the distance, Luke occasionally feels Leia's emotions, and he can't bear it.

NN: This is a 1000% pining-ready situation.

And then the montage starts with them a younger age, and then ends with some time lapse where they've aged into their TFA years.

RBHOOD: yesssssssssssss

they have become accustomed to the pain of loss and loneliness, but it hasn't lessened

NN: but their moment of reconciliation definitely occurs prior to the events of TFA. It actually happens when he loses the Falcon.

Chewbacca brings him back, finds where Leia & Co. are hiding. Han's been roughed up, he needs some rest and some light medical intervention. The two of them are on the run, so why not hunker down with some other people also on the run?

NN: No one tells Leia that Chewie has signaled their arrival. In fact, there are so many new people in the Resistance that most of them don’t quite recall the fact that Leia and Han were together, or the shape their lives took. It’s as though the textbooks of the day elide over Han, and his missing son—whom many come to incorrectly believe (as General Organa’s son) perished in the massacre of the rest of Skywalker’s students. It is a persistent misinformation.

But something brings Leia to the hanger that day, and though Chewie is not flying the Falcon, she runs up the lowered ramp of the unfamiliar ship he pilots into their hidden base, and finds her way to Han's side. Han's so in and out of it he doesn't know what year it is or how long (or if) he's been gone.

He speaks to her and holds on to her like no time has passed at all.

She recognizes it as the gift it is. Because in a short time he will recall it all; the pain, the loss, the distance.

But for those hours that it takes for medical to get him stabilized, he's thinks he's somewhere between just having been awoken from Carbonite, and being tortured by Vader in the Bespin system.

She memorizes every word he says, answers his every question in kind.

The human medical staff try to keep their blushes to themselves, unfamiliar with encountering their General in this form.

They have forgotten how very small of stature General Princess Leia Organa really is, how she has for decades shouldered the burdens of the movement without having anyone to shoulder her burdens.

They have forgotten, or never understood, that she loved a smuggler; the father of her lost child. That her brother, the mythical figure, was just a farmboy on a backwater planet.

That underneath General, beyond diplomat, around Princess--she is Leia, a soul distant from all those she loves.

RBHOOD: nell, that LAST LINE

that's GORGEOUS

it's a crime this is all in DM, tbh

NN: Stop tempting me to collect it.

I know I'm gonna wanna read it all again one day

RBHOOD: No you SHOULD collect it and post it

#star wars fanfiction #star wars #leia x han #han x leia #sw:tfa #there it is #that's it #massive #fill-in fic #reblogginhood #rbhood #the string of DMs to end all DMs (at least by me)#NOT typed on mobile

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dbtrilogy2 · 7 years

Text

What a Day(14 pt1)

Stanley

I was in my chemistry class working on a big project when I’m called to the main office. Of course the imitate kids oh and ah like I’m in trouble.

On the way I see Julian coming from the stair halls. As I start to call out his name a small hand grabs his.

“Hey wait up….would you show me to the gym I’m new and still learning where everything thing is.”

“Yeah sure I was headed there anyway. Julian.”

“Joan. I’ve seen you around a lot you must be pretty popular.” They walked ahead of me together.

I shouldn’t think to much into this. We know how each other feel. Then again he’s a single guy just like I’m a single girl. We’re both young still in school with the rest of our lives to worry about something like dating.

Who am I kidding my little bit of self esteem just shrieked up a bit. Rather ready or not I should’ve just made us officially. But that would just be like setting myself up for possible failure. He’s a big red target in this school. All the girls throw themselves at him constantly…I’m gonna lose him before I can even really have him.

My walk slowed down the closer I got to the main office. Eventually I did and find my dad standing.

“Um hi?”

“Hey princess-”

“Please don’t do that. What are you doing here?”

“To pick you up for your eye exam.” He smiled winking coming closer. “I know I’ve been a little MIA but I’m back.” He pulls a little stuffed kitten.

“Eric look I’m done with you. I can’t have you in my life if you only want to be around for half of it. I’m growing up quickly and the last thing I need is an unstable father.”

“W-what? Stanley I’m sorry for not being here like I should but-”

I put my hand up stopping him. “I got my last name changed. I won’t be anymore of a burden for you.”

I’ve had enough thought on this. The moment he missed my birthday after being gone for months was the day I let all hope in him go. In a way I’m glad I have him the chance because now I know for sure it wasn’t just my mom being bitter or Chris and Camila not wanting to share me. He’s not a good father I now see it for myself and don’t want that in my life.

I walked out before he could try to sweet talk me. I did keep the little kitten I guess as a reminder. Now that I’ve dealt with him I kinda miss my mom. She and I talk here and there but not a lot.

After she got out of prison then rehab she moved to Washington and became a rehab nurse. She helps people not to the point she reaches and I couldn’t be more proud of her. Maybe I can visit her.

Instead of going back to class I went to the library. A good book will bring my spirits back up.

“Oh hey Stanley.” The librarian says looking up from her computer.

I waved heading for an isle. While looking for something to read I saw someone creeping by. I knew heard the back door open and close since I was close to the back exit and got curious. I probably should just mind my business. But then again I’m sure whoever that was would prefer to be caught by a student rather than the librarian. I flipped a mental coin and just went for it.

What can I say I’m a curious girl. I snuck over slowly opening the back door.

“I’m glad you came to see me.”

“You know I couldn’t go to much longer without seeing my baby. Imma still pick you up tonight tho so be ready.”

I gasp getting their attention. This guy looked at lease by the most twenty maybe eighteen. Frowning I storm over snatching her up.

“You know she’s fourteen right?” I asked mugging this pervert.

He chuckled deep digging in his pocket pulling out a cigarette. “Yeah but it’s all good she’s mature for her age plus that shit ain’t nothing but a number.”

“Oh really is that what your gonna tell the judge. The amount of years you spend behind bars is just a number?” He rolled his eyes. “And you!”

“Stanley relax it’s not that big a deal. We just friends.”

“Please don’t insult my brain. Why are you doing this you have a boyfriend already and it’s his brother!”

“Their not serious…he can’t handle her like I can.”

“Oh really but I bet Big Ben will be able to handle you in the showers.” He smirked looking me up and down. Disgusting! “This has to end how can you do this to Sam?”

“Sometimes you need something else. Shawn is that something else for me we don’t focuse on ages either it’s not a big deal to us. He’s really good company and don’t worry he’s a gentlemen to me at all times.”

“But he got you skipping classes and probably sneaking out the house. Mona please just stop this now no good is gonna come from this guys like him….older but prey on younger are no good and most of the time are just looking for a quick thrill until he finds a woman.”

“I am a woman.” She frowned.

“No you are a fourteen year old girl you can’t even drive yet what could you two possibly have in command. How old are you anyway?”

“I just turned twenty one I got so wasted that night shit was lit as hell! Look I came to spend my break with my girl you taking up time I could be putting to better use.” He came up wrapping her arm around Mona.

“You gave him your flower?”

“No Stanley he just means making out and…some other stuff. I know your just looking out for me and I appreciate it but I’m good. Just don’t tell anyone you’ll be the only person who knows about us.”

Camila

At the food court we both share a Cinnabon with the girls. They ended up with frosting all on their faces.

“They eat like you.” I wipe Mylan face with a baby wipe.

“True I’m a messy eater. You would know that best.” Chris winked wiping Morgan face. “We done shopping or you wanna go somewhere else?”

“I think I’m-” my phone rang cutting me off. It was Maliki pre school. “Hello?”

“Yes Mrs Washington I’m calling about a slight problem that happened with Maliki and another child.”

Damn my bad ass kids!

“Ok we’ll be there shortly.”

“Well the other parent is threatening to call the police.”

By now I had already got up taking the twins with me. Somebody gotta die today.

“Why would the police need to be involved because of some tussle between four year olds!?”

“I’m trying to talk her out of it but it would help a lot for you and your husband to be here.”

Chris was running behind me with all the shopping bags and the rest of his Cinnabon hanging out his mouth.

“Camila Rose Washington if you don’t help me with these damn bags!”

After strapping in the twins and folding up the stroller. “Man up and just stuff that shit in the trunk somebody trynna put my baby in jail!”

“Damn what Mona do now?”

To save time I’ll hit him later. I sped up to that school thanking everything and everybody when I didn’t see any cop cars. I got one of the twins while Chris got the other and followed me to the main office.

“Ki come here.”

He pouted running up hugging my leg. “Look.” He showed me his arms that had a bite mark in both.

I noticed a lady sitting with a little girl looking upset but I can guarantee she not on my level. Chris still looked confused but sat with me. Maliki teacher was next to the principle.

“Mr and Mrs Washington this is sally and her mother Ms May. During recess the altercation happened.”

“So what happen.”

“I noticed them playing then Maliki pushed her and she pushed back then leaned over bitting him on his arms and he pushed her again.” The teacher said.

I sigh pinching my nose. “Ki-”

“Come here boy.” Chris hands Morgan. “Is that true did you push that girl?”

He looked at me. “Mommy?”

Chris grabbed his shirt pulling him in front. “I’m talking to you….did you push that girl?”

“Yes.”

“Why and don’t you lie to me.”

“She…she.” He started tearing up.

Catching me off his scream made me jump. Now I’m not for hitting the kids but Chris on the other hand. “Baby-”

“I got this….you have no reason to be crying I just asked you a question. Don’t you ever put your hands on a female like that again. I don’t care what she does you man up and walk up ass away and tell your teacher what happen. Only weak boys with no home training pick on girls and you are neither. Get over there and say sorry to that young lady.”

Maliki sniffed turning. “I so-OW!”

“Talk like you four not two we stopping that shit right now.”

“I’m sorry Sally.”

“For what?”

“For pushing you.” He came back over wiping his face. “She called me stupid for not wanting to play with her.”

“That doesn’t mean you push her. Sit down.” Chris sighed sitting back.

“Uh ok….well since sally did bite Maliki I think it’s only right for her to apologize as well.” The teacher broke the silence that fell.

The other mom nods. “Go ahead sally.”

“I’m sorry for calling you stupid and bitting you Maliki.”

The teacher said both kids would go without recesss for two days. After getting his things we walk out back to the car.

“When we get home go straight to your room you hear me Maliki?”

“Yes daddy.”

“Chris did you really have to punch him?” I’m still mentality flinching.

“Yes Camila I told you we be to soft on him. He’ll be fine I didn’t even hit him hard.”

“I know I just hate when you hit any of them.”

“I know mama but one of us gotta be giving them the ass whopping that’ll help them become the next president.” He smirked.

“Whatever. Max and Isabel want us to come to dinner with them and the Willis couple tonight.” I grab his hand sitting back as he drives us home. “You talk to Carlton by the way?”

“Nah not much lately he’s been working with Robin for her album.”

“I heard Rebecca told me he’s been coming in really late. You don’t think he’s cheating do you?”

He turned up his face. “No way my boy ain’t dumb but I’ll see what’s up with him. I might try to convince him to get another producer for Robin. Honestly I told him not to take her on alone cause I knew she’s a little flirty.”

“Oh she is? Has she tried you?”

“Yeah but I put that to a end as quick as it started. You know I ain’t with no easy woman I hate when a female is so eager to be seen or be with a man where she has no standards. She knows we’re both married with kids but she don’t give a damn.”

“You told her all of that?”

“Yes Camila I did don’t worry about her you all the woman I need.” He kisses my hand. “Come on let’s get in those two are looking sleepy.”

In the house Maurice and Elias were playing his game. Maliki slowly walked up the stairs to his room like he was told. Chris was behind him with the sleeping girls. I had the boys go get all the shopping bags out the car from earlier.

“Aunt C!” Julian came out the kitchen with a sand which.

“Hey where the girls?”

“In their rooms I think.”

Going up I check on Mona first. She was sitting on doing homework while on face time on her iPad.

“I do not have a big head…ok yeah my forehead is kinda big but it’s not like out this world…shut up…boy bye I look just as good as my parents and they a fly ass couple. They ain’t make no ugly babies.”

“True who you talking to?” She jumped.

“Knocking helps.”

“My house my room. Who you talking to?”

“Sam a little privacy please?”

“Don’t get hurt little girl. We going out tonight I want you and Stanley to keep a eye on the twins and don’t just leave them in their room.”

“Ok ok I got it bye.”

Cutting my eyes I point. I swear that girl is gonna be the death of me.

#malutrevejo #officialreine #darlene cisneros #chris brown #fanfiction #fanfic #fiction #chris brown fanfic #chris brown fanfiction

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swearronchanel · 7 years

Text

continuing the hiatus with 4.05

Well I'm here avoiding responsibilities as usual, pretending that I don't have class in the morning or any laundry to do but like I said I've been watching shameless and I need a little wholesome ctm to balance it out lol & @ilovemushystuff recommended I watch 4.05 *thank u 😌*but let us go on this journey together 🙃...

the clothes lines remind me of home bc we don't have a dryer in our apartment haha & when it's cold out my mom hangs everything up around the house it's a hilarious nyc struggle lol

my bby shelagh!! 💕 so precious pushing the pram! omg we get to see this again next series *hopefully* with unnamed baby turner 😭!!

aw I miss summer!! I love being out in the summer *plus my birthday is in August*🙃

Ahh aren't we glad Shelagh got new dresses, cause I'm not feeling this one lol

Jenny Agutter's smile w/ her eyebrows raised >>, am I right

Wait this is the osteogenesis imperfecta case right ??

Laura looking angelic but that is not at all new, I just have to always mention it

Now all I can do is stare at her hair bc of this debate earlier 😂 what color??

but damn I don't like this dress either I forgot how disrespectful the costume designers were in series 4😂😂

Patrick grabbing her hand saying thank you ugh so pure 😭😢

"Two weeks in Lyme Regis does sound nice" ugh Shelagh's so adorable but LETS HERE IT FOR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT™ BC SHE DIDN'T EVEN REALLY ASK TO GO ON HOLIDAY EVEN THOUGH SHE OBVIOUSLY WANTED TO & IN THE NEXT SERIES SHE PLANNED THE WHOLE DAMN TRIP WITHOUT TELLING HIM👏🏼 LOVE IT lol even though camping was a disaster

It's been 3 fucking mins and look at all the shit I've said wow I hate me

Pats and Trix!! I miss their friendship

Haha omg this is right after Trixie and Tom broke up #awkward

"Wild peach, isn't it glorious?" I love my other bby trixie. We are so similar but she's better 💕

PHYLLIS OUT HERE YES

"Roasted like a Sunday dinner" LMAO

aw this is the episode with the Sylheti mum, here's some quality early Babs

SISTER E 😭😭😭 I miss her aww

Omg &Sister Mary Cynthia! she just became a nun aw I miss her being so happy 💔 I hope she's in the Christmas special or Series 7 Premiere

"Ready?" ugh I just think of all the times we're heard that, like Trixie asking Shelagh when she was about to get married *hello my two favs interacting its iconic for me* or when Trixie told Sister MC off she wanted to ask her if she was ready when she went to become a postulant like if she was getting married, my heart 😭 UPDATE: I made a post about it

speaking of my gal Beatrix here she is again

I want to be that platinum blonde tbh

Sister Julienne saying "little man" yes I'm here for this such thing

little Raymond like ST Raymond or the baby that was left on the steps .. wait what happened to him? I forgot lol it's been a while

I do not like Sister Mj's absence

but yes her nephew! Did he just like stop picking her up??

Aw Trixie wanted to hug sister MC I can tell, nuns can hug though why didn't she?

we were robbed of a cute sister MC & sister W young- nun dynamic duo

but I like sister Winifred so much more now she's lowkey golden

Diphtheria yikes

LMAO FRED HAS A DU RAG ON ??

I forgot that the old nurses uniforms were so washed out looking

sweetie, if a ANGLICAN NUN is telling you the baby needs more than prayer wouldn't you believe it ??

like wtf is Christian scientist anyway, yo no se

lol calm down Barbara that's a lot to translate

woah Pat's looks hella good with her hair like that 😍

my bby Trixie serving looks but is heartbroken 😍😢💔

THE PICTURE OF HER AND CYNTHIA!! THAT IS NOW ON HER VANITY MIRROR !! MY H E A R T

*twerks to the bicycle song*

"She says where he goes, we go - even the moon" ahh again my heart!! & it's so similar to what shelagh said in the last Christmas special 😭💕 *i think it was a bible reference but I can't remember bc my memory is fuzzy from being a reckless heathen* jk jk😂

How does a faja type belt help her?

I initially really liked Trixie and Tom but I'm so glad they found better matches

yo I'd be shook though if my baby's bones kept breaking and I didn't know why omg

The nurses being cute eating popsicles outside lol

aw wait Fred and Violet weren't together yet here, they're so cute haha

again so wild, like imagine no one knowing what your baby is hurt and no one believing that you didn't abuse your child?! I cNt

so scary

Ameerah is so pretty & how sweet omg she brought Babs a dish. She misses having girl friends omg!

The Poor Pentergasts

I feel you Mrs ^, I scream into my hands at least 3x a day *for obvs diff reasons*

Baby Angela💕💕 so precious

aw Patrick & Shelagh😭 but now that shelagh's been on her nightie game this blue nightgown should finally go #hereforthebrinylon™

Shit now Patrick is going to realize and blame himself

let Patrick not feel guilty for anything in series 7, cut this guy a break pls

osteogenesis imperfecta yup I remembered ✔️ well I remember watching this with my mom & her calling if before they knew it and I was annoyed bc She can't just watch she always has to be a nurse & put her opinion out there😂 like we watched the finale yesterday and I thought there'd be some suspense but nah she knew the pill gave her a deadly blood clot😒she was surprised they killed the first women described it to though

Shelagh's face while Patrick gets in the ambulance 😭💔

I miss the nuns singing !! mainly miss Laura singing but still!! it's very peaceful you feel?? let me hear some hymns

I feel you Patrick, you smoke that cig

Alright damn Mr Pentergast, I feel your anger but wtf were they supposed to think??

I get anxious watching Patrick be anxious tbh omg xzjkalsfo

the way he fidgets the pen so relatable

Shelagh kissing him on the forehead and the cheek 😢😭💔💕melts my cold little heart

"I don't want my Geraldine being seen by the receptionist" fuck u lady she's the best damn nurse out here Lmaoo

But seriously did everyone just forget she was a nurse/midwife when she was a nun? it has only been like a year since she left and got married so I wouldn’t think people would forget just yet but maybe? wtf lol. I feel like their story was such gossip that it'd be unforgettable? that's just me Lmaoo

Go get that uniform Shelagh!!!

she's so patient, dios te bendiga. She’s too good.

my angry self would've been like "do 👏🏼 ya👏🏼not👏🏼get👏🏼that👏🏼I 👏🏼was👏🏼 a nurse 👏🏼and 👏🏼delivered 👏🏼like 👏🏼half 👏🏼of 👏🏼your👏🏼 gremlin 👏🏼 children?!" Or "you don't want me to help? Okay there's the door, don't let it hit you on the way out"!

SHE'S GETTING THE UNIFORM PEOPLE

okay I don't think I've ever thought about it until now but Shelagh talks about Patrick's war neurosis with Sister Julienne like she already knew?? I bet Shelagh went to her after the adoption interview 😭

ugh I love their friendship/relationship it's so pure

This whole show is so pure! how can it remind you of the darkness in the world while still giving you faith in humanity?? There's nothing like it

I told you I caught my mom up with series 6 & she was just like "I can't believe we have to wait so long. Why can't America make a show as great as this?"

I then said "I know I have like no reason to live until Christmas" but she said i was being dramatic oops

*cue in the mirror*✨

SHE'S PUTTING ON THE UNIFORM PEOPLE THIS IS NOT A DRILL

you guys don't get how happy this made me when I first saw it omg, I was so tired of seeing her sad/upset and lost and distressed and everything but happy but THEN SHE PUT THE UNIFORM ON AND THE LITTLE HAT AND LOOKED IN THE DAMN MIRROR WITH HER MILLON DOLLAR SMILE AND I WANTED TO COMBUST I WAS SO HAPPY I WAS IN TEARS😭😭💖💖

SHELAGH TURNER DESERVES THE WORLD AND MORE, I WILL ALLOW NO ONE TO DISAGREE

AND IF U DO WE CAN FIGHT RN

I'm so proud of how far my bby has come ugh I can't deal

It's 1am why am I being a little emotional bitch™ ?? Ugh I just love this character

I'd fight for Shealgh or Trixie/ Laura and Helen in real life. They are gifts we don't deserve

BUT ALSO, YOU MEAN TO TELL ME ALL THESE PEOPLE DIDNT BELIEVE SHE WAS A NURSE & THEN SAW HER IN A NURSE UNIFORM THE NEXT TIME AND QUESTIONED NOTHING???

Like I know it wasn't the same people but still word gets around?

Shelagh and Tim's hug aww

Can we pls see a cute moment between them? We were played with that hospital scene in 6.4 bc it was like 2 seconds long

Patrick's pyjamas though >

the flat filled with things from patients is so sweet aww

How did no one else in Ameera's house get sick though?

Angela looking so adorable wow what a pretty baby

the real million $ question is, will we ever see Mrs B? Probs not Lmaoo

Still waiting for the day Timothy Turner has an angsty teen moment bc his unrealistic perfect child-ness has been going on too long

Disregarding that time he was mean to Shelagh in series 3, I won't forget it bc I wanted to smack him 😂👋🏼

*shelagh voice* Dr Turner's back to save poplar from ill health and disease

THE WAY HE LOOKS AT SHELAGH WHEN HE REALIZES IT WAS HER IN THE NURSES UNIFORM

ALSO I'm sure he realized a kink he didn't know he had lol 😭😂

tracheotomy 😬 how do they make it look so real ahhh!? wild

"..Because I have you" BYEEEE 😭😭💖💔💔💔 my heart melted into a puddle & I can no longer live

the first kiss that you can't even see !! But still it took a season & a half for the married couple to kiss!😂

Ok shh Vanessa is gonna say something profound I must hear

Who tf am i talking to? I'm losing my damn marbles

And yes that's a Hook reference

"Humanity is fragile and all the sunshine in the world can't save the frail or make the delicate invincible but love has the power to strengthen and protect and guide us to a place where we feel sheltered and fulfilled. Where it doesn't matter if it rains for we are home and dry"

UGH SUCH GOLD!!!

And Shelagh holding Angela next to Ameerah and her new baby, my heart!!

such an amazing show

The End.. until next time..

#my commentaries™#call the midwife #the hiatus struggle #who lets me do these lol

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suzyqrara · 4 years

Text

3/17/2020

I am so conflicted in my head space. First, I want to explore my sexy and get as much experience as I can with men. Then, like 5 minutes ago I contemplated in closely walking with GOD and live my life for his service. After really typing it out I want to still explore my sexy, but I can’t do that if I am focusing on being godly. One factor that is playing into this idea is the fact that I went on a bad date last Saturday. It was so bland, I caught myself thinking, “Just fucking shoot me” as I was taking a sip of my delicious margarita. I couldn’t even see him as a potential booty call. It was a pointless date and I ended up paying for my own meal. The meal and drink was so delicious though. Another factor that is playing into this idea is that I am not enjoying the interactions I am having with the only booty call I’ve established thus far. He doesn’t even have enough respect for me to come and bring me my charger that I left during my last horrible experience with him. Seriously, Marvin was a much better partner then wtf he gave me our last meet up. I tell him I need my charger and he keep saying, “You can also come to me and get it.” I wouldn’t be annoyed by it if everything he did that night was one sided (Only for his pleasure) and when he never takes pictures of himself when I ask him to send me one. EVERYTHING IS ONLY FOR HIS CONVENIENCE. I mean what can I expect, we are only booty calls. He has no respect for me, I have no respect for him. We just used each other. But as much as I would like to have more booty calls, I know I might encounter things I am not emotionally ready to handle. There will be times I will have amazing sex and they won’t want another date with me. I need to deal with that rejection, and I don’t think I can do it. I am a beautiful girl. I have beautiful eyes, nice lips, good butt and beautiful breasts. But I am very inexperienced, and my belly can’t seem to get smaller or tighter at the moment. Plus, I am not helping that situation with comfort eating. Currently, I am getting emotionally unstable for a “work crush” I recently developed in January. He is rejecting me and all day I felt very insecure and just not good enough. I ate a lot today and I was irritable all day which Mason did not deserve to experience. Imagine me having sex with someone I find attractive and then being thrown away��that will really hurt the little pride I already have. It’s a conflict in itself because I would feel confident knowing I can have sex whenever I am horny and it will be an easy emotional knock out to my pride if I get rejected. So, its not worth it for me. I don’t want that to take away my loving nature when I’m with Mason. I don’t want him to see me miserable over a rejection. But it is still an unknown territory. I won’t know how I react unless I have more then one booty call. I don’t really want to give up the goal of learning about my sexy with different men. I need to do it for myself. This is the youngest I’ll ever be and I am wasting it in my mothers house and these stupid lame ass dates that I keep having.

I have such high expectations when I move out. I expect my confidence will get so high. I will feel empowered and I will feel free. I will be surrounded with my own furniture, my own rules. When Mason is with his dad, I can bring anyone into my house and I won’t be embarrassed by how it looks because it will be 100% my style. I feel like that confidence will help with my motivation to get my ass active. I could have been active today, but I had bad anxiety because of this stupid “work crush” rejection I am experiencing. I am hoping during this isolation period (Coronavirus quarantine) I will get my ass on that treadmill. I feel like because my location will change other things will come to me that I have been waiting for. I don’t know what is stopping me from living the life I envision at my new apartment at my moms house but something is stopping me. I am not creative here, my mind is on routine here. I honestly think its because I do not like the idea that I am still living in this house at age 30. I envisioned my life at age 30 in the city, living in an apartment on my own. I’ve had this vision since I was 20 or younger. I knew that by age 25 I would have BEEN moved out. But I had my Babyboy and that vision was put on hold. I’ve waited for 6 years to finally be ready to move out as a single mother. I feel once I finally accomplish that goal, I will have 10x more confidence within me. I just feel it. I also feel like this is the only time I will have to find the things that make me feel and be sexy. I am 30 years old and I still feel like I did in high school when I liked someone. I feel insecure and I start being awkward to the point where the person that I like senses me being awkward and they want nothing to do with me. I don’t have enough life experiences to react differently now then I did in high school when I Like someone. That is ridiculous but it is the truth. The person that I like, I didn’t do anything to him. He just seems cold and like he just doesn’t like me. He was totally normal when I didn’t like him. We would say hello to each other, he would visit my office and we would chit chat about w/e. Then Idk what happened but when I initiated a conversation he totally shut me down. Now he gives me one word answers to my initiations. He stopped visiting my office, now he just passes it and keep it moving. One time I tried reeling him in by complimenting the colors he coordinated together and laughed and kept it moving. During orientation night, I tried to say something to him to make him chit chat with me further and he answered with one-word answers. He flat out shut down my attempt to have a good interaction. I was next to him in line to get the salad and I was wondering if the olives were pitted. I then looked at him with a smile and asked if he had an idea..he flat out said no, I don’t like olives and kept it moving. I said, “…ok” We didn’t talk after that. We are out of work the next two weeks which is a blessing because we should have had mental toughness. The last Mental toughness we had is the reason I started liking him. So instead of being tortured by his obvious signs of rejection and witnessing his amazing personality with others during mental toughness, I get to take this time to find my pride again and accept this rejection. I didn’t do anything to make these interactions happen. It’s happening and it is out of my control. I shouldn’t take it personal, but I cant help it since NOTHING is happening with my life in terms of love and relationships. I am sure if I had a few interests in my life, I would keep it moving with this rejection. But nothing is happening. But all I can do is remain a friend to myself and remind myself that I am a wonderful catch. I am meant to be loved by a man. There is a man out there that will want to get to know me and be my friend. They will make themselves known to me, they will take every opportunity to talk to me and they will be everything I want in a partner. He will be tall, he will love me as much as I love Haydee with my flaws and all, he will be funny, he will love to dance, he will be family oriented and he will have FULL custody of his child so he will understand what it is like to be 100% a single father. He will be educated, and he will have a job that will give me the privilege of being a stay at home mom once we have more children together. My current crush can not do that at all, he does not live with his daughter 80-100% of the time and he plays video games :/ I added him as a friend on FB and I saw in his video feed him playing a video game. My husband won’t be into video games like that. I want him to be active, meaning he does things outside of his house. He will have his own car and own apartment just like me. He is already in his career. My crush is not in his career, he has his BA but he is not pursuing that career. I am sure his job is a smaller salary then mine. I am not trying to be mean, but I am trying to make myself not be so upset that he is so uninterested. Like seriously, if he is in a room and I walk in he will nonchalantly walk out of the room. Or if he walks into a room that I am in, he’ll stay for a minute to not look weird and then doesn’t contribute to a conversation that I am having with someone else. When someone likes you, they will try to get your attention as much as they can so they will welcome themselves into a conversation you are having with someone else ESPECIALLY if I include him in it. There was a time he walked into the room and I was talking to someone and I asked for his opinion. He gave it and walked out…. He does not interact with me at all. He either minimizes it on purpose or he really just doesn’t see me as important to interact with, so I am invisible to him. Both of which is upsetting since I like him and respect him a lot. Either way it tells me I need to move on and the only way I move on is if I remind myself why he is not made for me. Then imagine if we went past the flirting, “crushing on you” stage, when we finally like each other enough to see each other outside work. WTf will that look like. Well maybe that wouldn’t look to crazy if he likes me the way I like him because then he would make things not awkward. I try hard to not give off the awkward vibe. When he comes into the room I actually include him in the conversation and he decides to put one word in and then he will leave. If he liked me things would be as natural as they were before this weird distance came about from him. Before this distance thing happened, I had confidence in starting a conversation with him. I felt comfortable talking to him like I felt with Marvin. I could even see myself looking for him just to have a chit chat. I felt comfortable enough to be ok with saying whatever comes to mind. But since he’s been not welcoming my attempts to talk with him, I’ve been feeling more awkward and now I walk like there is a pole up my ass when he is near because I just feel this sense of rejection. But I feel this next two weeks will prep me to not care about his rejection. It will definitely help and not make it worse.

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