#like. i kept it to just musicians here i could have gone the fuck on with books and movies and actors

[formerlyanon]

man like. ok. I'm really really frustrated at the ongoing fallout about the gaylor stuff (because i hate hearing about it, i was fed up with this years ago) but the last few days has also shifted things into perspective for me about representation and why it matters. More and more lately I've been trying to get a read on what I find offputting or unsettling about summaries or explanations of media that get boiled down to what representation they have, right? Because that still doesn't tell me anything about the actual media. And that has been met with varying levels of emotion when I talk about it, but mostly ranging from apathy to frustration.

Celebrities are fandom and that's been the case for decades. The public eye and coverage of events or interviews generates material for fandom to feed off of. Fanart, fic, and other media follows, because it is media-space to play in. I chalk it up to kayfabe and move on. Right now these particular fan bases are falling apart because of this built up over arching rampant speculation about her personal life had turned into personal stakes for those fans, who needed her to be gay and queer and closeted and struggling, basically. They needed it to be a reality. But why did it need to be a reality to the point it had personal stakes?

Taylor's one of the wealthiest pop stars in history, has been active for over 15 years making commercial music, and consistently been successful in the mainstream. She's not an underdog. She's put in work, sure. She's still not an underdog, is not queer, is not secretly crying out to her fans for help, does not need saving from a cruel uncaring world.

Now combine all that with the need to have representation, the conflation of an identity being a hallmark of quality. All I can think right now is that quite a few people needed their pop superhero to be gay because that's what representation is, right? Because someone that they find so wonderful and relatable and charming or whatever, needs to be like them, and needs to have the hallmark stamp of Representation. Because something that seems so perfectly crafted about you the listener's life, clearly needs to be also directly, in real life, not a production not a crafted storyline way, Actually Gay.

I think her music's fine. It's inoffensive at best. I know very little about her except for her record of commercial success and various publicity stunts she maintains for her kayfabe and image. I do know she's been frustrated at the blurring of reality and public storyline, and addressed how not every song has to be rooted in reality and sometimes she can just be a storyteller writing fiction. She's also been very public throughout her career about publicity stunts sparking this or that song/fashion choice/era/album, so hey, it's not entirely on the fans here, aside from the fact that in this case there's basically nothing to it except projection.

Representation matters for the sake of understanding different points of view to get nuanced stories and experiences told. The lion's share of my frustration comes from the idea that:

1) a checkbox being hit automatically means a media is good

2) it's led more than a few times to someone telling me to check out media and giving me literally no information about it

3) people are really out here inventing oppression conspiracy theories for literal billionaires so they can do mental gymnastics to explain liking the work produced instead of just liking it

4) All this is used to prop up white straight artists to make them out to be intrepid underdogs bravely pretending to be straight so they can have careers

like holy shit! what the fuck!

Billy Porter has called out the racism and privilege of Harry Styles being given opportunities long denied to GNC men, especially men of color. Meanwhile a lot of Harry's outfits pull from different queer non white communities and he's hailed as an icon the likes which has never been seen before. Katy Perry's been routinely awarded for lgbt activism over literal out queer artists.

Taylor herself been noted as an icon of feminism and a queer ally, and it comes across as the same level of shallow - carefully crafted kayfabe to push a business narrative. Nothing especially noteworthy to indicate that previous gaffes were one-offs. It comes off as incredibly callous to me as a whole, but hey, I don't have to steer the ship of a literal billion dollar brand that revolves around my likeness.

Representation matters because it gives opportunity, voice, and paying work to those with less privilege than straight white cis artists. It's not that you as the consumer have a moral imperative to only consume media by underprivileged artists or else It Sucks And Is Bad, and you consumed the media wrong. Enjoy Taylor's stuff if you want but if it is this mentally distressing to come to terms with your commercially successfully pop star fave not being gay, I really recommend using this as a chance to look up other artists - queer artists, artists of color. It very clearly matters to you on a personal level, and you can find fulfillment elsewhere while still listening to and enjoying your favorite white blonde cis straight billionaire popstar.

#like. i kept it to just musicians here i could have gone the fuck on with books and movies and actors #in terms of how at the end of the day way more 'credit' gets given to white media creators for shit they cannot 'represent' #enjoy what you like but stop giving them credit and if you want representation you need to actually go to those who have talked about it #and claimed whatever labels and experiences that you are seeking media about #swings bat at hornets nest. hello public diary. it has been a minute.

[idiotcurls]

IMAGINE THIS! Eddie is a musician, Steve is studying to become a teacher. Right before Steve's exams, he goes to a cafe to study. The Band arrives to play a gig and Eddie knocks over a glass of water with his guitar case.

Eddie has a up and coming band, they are playing small gigs all around the country. Even though they gathered up quite a following, they still haven't signed to any major label yet. Because they are not posers or whatever. The fans love Corroded Coffin, for the hard sounds with the clever thoughtful lyrics and also due to the fact that Eddie is a very charismatic frontman, who has the allure of an old timey rock star. Steve is sitting in the café, studying for his exams, writing frantically on his laptop, his glasses on the tip of his nose. Since he had a hard time in high school, he still thinks he is less than in the intellectual departmen, which is of course not true. And he has an amazing hand with the kids he is currently teaching, as student teacher. When Eddie and his band arrive at the venue, loud, all dressed in black leather, some instruments carried on their backs, he doesn't even look up. Steve was used to bands playing in the back of the venue. The café and bar area was only separated by a small glass door, so he was usually gone by the time, they got on the stage. But today the weather wasn't exactly on his side, he wasn't going to walk home in the pouring rain, risking a cold. It was too close to exam season. Eddie's hair was dripping wet, some of the droplets are running into his eyes. While Gareth is asking for someone to show them where to set up their stuff, Eddie ventures into the café area, to steal some napkins off a table. When he turns around to leave again, tapping over his eyes, the swing of his guitarcase knocks over a glass of water on a table behind him. Whos table you ask? Why, of course Steve Harrington's. What a terrible coincidence. Steve jumps up, shouting "FUCK" as he gathers up napkins trying to dry up the spilled water on his keypad. Startled by the cussing behind him, Eddie turns around and immediately recognises the damage he had caused. "Oh my god, I'm so fucking sorry, here, I'll get you more napkins, or a towel. Gareth!! Ask the waiter if he has a towel?!" Gareth looks up from his conversation with one of the staff member and just shakes his head in an annoyed fashion. Like Munson was up to some bullshit again and he wasn't going to be part of it.

Eddie is frantically bringing more napkins to the table, furthering Steve's annoyance at him. "Please.. just fucking stop, man." He is wiping his wet hands on his blue jeans looking at the laptop mournfully. "It's already fucking ruined. Shit." Steve sighs and walks around the table, a hand over his mouth, looking at the crime scene, wondering how he could afford another laptop that fast. But that long haired idiot, who knocked over his glass kept on babbling, ignoring the fact that Steve was in the middle of a crisis. "Listen, oh my god, I'm so sorry man. I read, that you shouldn't turn in on for bit after, uh, a spillage. Maybe it will dry? Or maybe we should put some rice on it? Maybe they have rice in the kitchen. Gareth?- My friend Nancy says that is bullshit, but-" "STOP! Please just go away." Steve sounded desprate. Eddie raised his hands in defeat, still holding some Napkins. "Okay. I'm sorry. I'm with the band, who plays tonight. You can message us for a refund, or repair.", he says more calmly and walks away. Steve watches the young man walk back to his band members, he assumed, at least. They all wearing the same sort of clothes. "What are you doing with all those Napkins?", Jeff asks bemused. "Just shut up, man." Steve is close to tears. All of his notes and work he already did ahead of time were on the laptop. He did not safe them anywhere else. He grabs his coat and cigarette and leaves the café to have a smoke. If anyone wants to take any of his other stuff, they were free to do so, everything was ruined anyway. He watches the band carry all their amps and instruments in, from a little distance. There was a quick glance exchanged between him and that long haired idiot. He looks like a beaten puppy with those big sad eyes. Shit, now Steve felt like an asshole. Back inside, Steve waited for a while, to turn on his laptop, like the idiot had said. Meanwhile he was texting his best friend Robin the details of the worst evening in his life. She is sympathetic and hopeful, that the gods were in favour of his laptop. And while she didn't think Steve was the villain of the play, he might have been a bit harsh. They guy with the curls didn't do it on purpose, to ruin his life. After a while Steve breaths in deeply and exhales. He presses the on button. The laptops starts. He types in his password. Loading. All of his open tabs and word documents appear. The laptop was alive. He tries to write some words and all the keys work. A sigh of relieve. The gods had mercy on his computer in the end. After thanking the universe, Steve's eyes wander to the other side of the café. Behind the glass door, the band is setting up and starting to do some sound checking with the technician.

The idiot is holding his guitar, strumming a few chords and signing the thumbs up to the tech girl, who nods, looking bored. Now he is singing along to his chords, his eyes closed, like he is feeling the music or something. Steve finds, the idiot has a very beautiful voice. And a handsome face. He sighs. With that new information the apology is going to become even harder. When the band is done soundchecking and Eddie climbs off the stage, bickering and laughing with his band mates, Steve decides to go for it. "You can do this, dingus." pops up on his phone, before he puts it back into his pocket.

When Steve walks up to Eddie, the others are still rumaging around. Before Steve can open his mouth to say a single word, Eddie raises his hand. "Let me stop you there. I talked to the guys. We have a door-deal with the venue. Depending on how much money we make, you can have some of the money to pay for the repair." Eddie chuckles. "Now we just have to pray some people show up." Steve raises his left eyebrow, listening to him. "It's not like theres no people coming to our gigs, it's just that it's raining, and it's a weekday, people are at work..." Eddie is rambling again.

"Hey, can I say something too?" Steve chimes in, stern but not unkind. "Uh, sure." Eddie answers. "My laptop is fine. Everything works. I wanted to apologize for being a dick." Steve takes down his glasses and puts them on the top of his head. "I was just very stressed. You didn't do it on purpose." Eddie looks down and smiles. He seems shy.

"I'm a bit clumsy.... yeah." Steve finds it almost funny, that a guy like him, who just confidently sang on a stage, becomes shy like that. "Well, don't worry about it. I just thought... It's fine." Eddie looks up at him. "Why dont you stay for the set? Be our guest?" Steve does not answer. "I'll put you on my bar-tab. Stay and listen. Here- have a tape." Steve looks at the tape he got handed. "I don't have anything to play this on..." "Don't worry. I'll make it worth your while. Get a drink. We start in 20 minutes." Everything in Steve says, it's better to go home. Sleep and study. But he does stay for the set, to see the charaismatic idiot in action.

and then they fall in love or something.

#steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #fanfiction #stranger things #rockstar eddie #student steve #meet cute in a bar #eddie is clumsy #steve is annoyed

[penny00dreadful]

The Parting Glass

Hey I've been through some shit the last few weeks so let's do Christmas the Irish way. By making it ✨miserable✨ and putting Eddie through situations. But with a hopeful ending.

Just as a note of warning, this fic contains death, funerals and Eddie working through his grief. It was originally devised as a part of this fun little challenge and then... welp, I used it to process. 😅

The prompts I got were: Eddie arrives to town recently single to inherit something, Steve lives in the town and is a famous musician (but not here). Eddie falls in love with the holidays, the town and some guy. I'll be honest these prompts got away from me so they're not followed exactly.

AO3

For my granddad.

It was nearly Christmas and Eddie was driving back to Hawkins for the second time in two weeks.

He was alone. 

Again. 

And for good this time.

The last time, when he had come back when Wayne was sick and not getting any better, he wasn’t supposed to be on his own.

In the days leading up to it, Jack had been in his ear the entire time.

“I’ll be there for you.”

“I won’t let you go through this alone.”

“You won’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“I’ll support you the whole way.”

All over the phone. It couldn’t be helped. Eddie was a writer, he could work from literally anywhere. Or at least anywhere that had an internet connection. Even then, he might not need that. Just a post box. 

Jack was back home in their apartment that Eddie had bought them with his first big paycheck.

Eddie had called to tell him that Wayne had passed, numb and monotone and not really fully registering just what that meant. That he was gone. Like gone-gone. 

Forever.

He wasn’t just gonna… open his eyes again and start talking. He wasn’t gonna go back home, or sit in his armchair or shout at the tv or lie in his own bed one last time… And… What about his mugs? He… Wayne had so many mugs, what was gonna happen to them? He loved those mugs.

And Jack had said he’d be there. He’d promised.

And then he wasn’t.

Because something had come up at work or he thought he was coming down with something or he hadn’t got enough sleep the night before and didn’t feel safe making the drive and he felt really bad about it, just a steady stream of excuses but also- that was it.

I feel really bad about it. Full stop. No attempt to say, I’ll make it up to you. Or even just the bare minimum of I’ll try my best to be there no matter what.

And like a flash in the pan Eddie went from devastated to angry to just cold acceptance. 

“Fine.” He’d grit out over the phone, feeling simultaneously broken hearted and fucking indignant. Because, yes, it was a little selfish to feel like Jack should have thrown all that to the side to be here with him. But his fucking family had just died. He was allowed to be a little selfish.

Eddie needed him there.

Didn’t just want him there, he needed him there.

But instead he had to go through it all, alone.

He was on his own just before Christmas, trying to organise a funeral for the only family he had.

He didn’t have much time to think straight. He resolved to put it all out of his mind until this was all over because Wayne deserved his attention right now.

Eddie had expected it to be small and quiet if he was being honest with himself. Wayne had been a man who kept to himself and all he had was Eddie.

He was just thankful the local funeral home wasn’t completely decked out in tinsel and lights and trees. It was going to be hard enough as it was without a constant reminder of the time of year.

Quiet and subdued, with just a few stragglers, as depressing as that was. He could handle that right?

But then the people started turning up at the funeral home and they just didn’t stop. 

The entire trailer park came out to see him, even Mrs. Cartwright, who was stone deaf and half blind with a bad hip, shuffled into the room on the arm of another of the neighbours, a red headed young woman, to offer her condolences. Then there were Wayne’s coworkers from the plant, the farmers he’d talk to in the pub, his fantasy football league, childhood friends that he hadn’t spoken to in years but still wanted to pay their respects, teachers from the school, store workers, the nurses who looked after him. Eddie’s own friends, the Corroded Coffin boys, the Hellfire kids, Rick, even some of his most loyal customers from back in his dealing days. 

It kept going, just floods and floods of people young and old passing through the room to pay their respects, offer their condolences and shake Eddie’s hand.

He was completely overwhelmed. By the end of it, his hand was fucking sore, his throat was raw and if he lingered on the thought any longer, of how many people had shown up for his uncle, had loved him, he’d start crying all over again, even though he was pretty sure he’d run dry.

Jeff, Gareth and Grant hung around for hours after they’d been through the procession once, waiting for a moment to talk to him and ask if he wanted them to stay with him for the rest of the funeral and after. For as long as he was back in Hawkins.

It went unspoken that Eddie had been in that room alone and they were trying to save him from that, so he took them up on the offer. Stood with his oldest friends that he really should have spoken to more over the years while Wayne was lowered into the ground.

They took him out for a few drinks afterwards but Eddie didn’t have it in him to make it a whole night thing. He was exhausted, but he promised to stay in better contact. 

When it all was said and done, Eddie found it incredibly difficult to get into the car and drive back.

He didn’t want to leave Wayne here alone.

He didn’t want to be states away anymore.

He wanted to be home. In this shitty little small town that he had hated growing up in but was such an important part of his life, that was familiar and sedentary and fucking quaint and most importantly had a memory of Wayne in every single corner.

Jack would never go for it.

But now that Eddie was on his own, in the car, it gave him a lot of time to stew on just how long he’d been on his own already.

Eddie loved fast and Eddie loved hard. If someone gained his trust or his loyalty, he would do anything for them. It would be a very, very hard thing for someone to lose. But it also made him incredibly blind to their flaws.

This wasn’t the first time Jack had pulled out of something at the last second. And most of the time it was just because he didn’t want to do whatever it was, regardless of if he had made promises about it. 

And Eddie had let it go each and every time before because, well, it was fine. He got over it and it wasn’t that big of a deal.

But he had needed Jack there this time. And he’d done it all alone.

If the situations were reversed, Eddie would have crawled on his belly through broken fucking glass to be where Jack needed him and nothing less than an explicit “I don’t want you there” would have deterred him.

And when he got back to their apartment and Jack had turned to him with a sympathetic, “How was it?” Eddie fucking lost it.

He’d screamed so loud and with so much anger and devastation, the neighbours called the cops and again Eddie was on his own trying to explain what had happened while Jack just shuffled around in the background looking vaguely guilty and shell shocked, muttering “You never told me you wanted me there” when the cops finally left.

And Eddie was just fucking done. He was broken. It was finished. 

“I didn’t think I had to. My family died. And you had been telling me the entire time that you’d be there. You told me you’d be there for me. And then you just weren’t.”

So that was it. 

Eddie couldn’t stand to be in that city anymore. Anonymous and lonely and fucking claustrophobic. Couldn’t stand to be in the apartment with its white Christmas lights and expensive baubles and store bought charm without an inch of personality because it “looks prettier this way.”

The fucking cushions that couldn’t be used to prop up his back because he’d squish the filling and the throws that were there for decoration, placed perfectly, giving the apartment the impression of lived in warmth without any actual emotion in it.

He sold the apartment to Jack, waiting for the heartbreak of the end of a years long relationship to finally hit him. But it never did.

Maybe his emotions were all worn out and it would hit him properly later.

The same way he knew he still hadn’t fully registered that Wayne was gone yet.

So.

Now he was here.

Standing in the cold of the trailer park, his breath fogging up in front of him, snow crushed underneath his boots and night blanketing him. He had a box of stuff in his arms, rooted to the ground between his still warm car and the dark and shadowed front door, thinking hysterically for a moment that he hadn’t asked Wayne if he could move back in.

But he couldn’t, of course he couldn’t, Wayne was gone and he wasn’t coming back and Eddie had no way of contacting him in the fucking afterlife if there even was one to ask if he could turn up on his doorstep again in almost the exact same way he had nearly fifteen years ago.

Wayne would have probably given him a light smack over the back of the head and told him he was always welcome, no matter the circumstances.

Still. 

It felt wrong to just assume he could be here without checking in with him first.

He could hear his voice in his head, could almost see him standing silhouetted in the warm glow of the doorway, looking soft and worn in. “Get your ass in here son, before you freeze to death.”

Eddie blinked and the door was closed and dark and empty again. There was no noise coming from inside the trailer, no sound of the tv going, no smells of cooking, no heat, no light.

It was an empty shell.

The glow of the other trailers surrounded him, the small muffled noises of life going on inside each and every one, warm yellows spilling out of their windows or multicoloured lights lining their roofs or their porches, Mariah Carey singing her heart out somewhere in the distance.

“No one ever tells you the front door is one of the hardest parts.”

Eddie jumped, whipping his head around to find the same redheaded woman standing off to the side, bundled up in a thick homemade scarf and puffer jacket, her hands in her pockets and winter boots unlaced, like she'd just thrown them on, the grooves in the snow behind her telling him she’d walked to him from somewhere across the park.

Eddie squeezed the box a little tighter to himself, finally feeling the biting cold through his fingers.

“Yeah. I-” he swallowed, looking up at the door again. “How long have I been standing here?”

He could hear the snow crunching under her boots as she came closer. “I don’t know.” Fabric rustled somewhere beside him as she shrugged. “Mrs. Cartwright only told me you were out here a few minutes ago. I dunno how she even noticed, she can barely see five foot in front of her face.”

Eddie turned to the trailer he remembered the old lady living in to see her sitting by the window, squinting out into the snow. She offered him a toothless smile and a little wave when she saw the two of them looking back.

He was just about able to unstick his hand from the box to wave back.

“And you’re her-?”

“Neighbour. But I check in on her as often as I can. She’s good company.” 

“Oh.”

The two of them stood there, in the cold, in the snow, just looking at each other and Eddie could feel the spectre of the dark and empty trailer looming over him. Before this redhead turned up, he could have conceivably turned back, gotten into the car and found a motel room or something for the night. This might have all been easier to face in the daytime.

But now he’d been seen, he was trapped and he couldn’t escape. He wasn’t sure if he could do it.

“When my mom died,” the woman said, coming around to face him, “I just kinda switched off. I was on autopilot for a lot of the time but my first day back at the trailer after the burial, I couldn’t go inside. She wasn’t in there anymore. Same as you, I don’t know how long I was out there before Steve came and found me.”

“You’re Max.” Eddie said, his brain finally putting the pieces together. “Wayne talked about you.”

Max’s face broke out into a wide delighted grin. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Eddie smiled back. “He said you never wore your helmet when you were skateboarding.”

She snorted. “Yeah. And the one time he finally convinced me to, I took a hell of a tumble. Broke my-”

“Leg, I think it was?”

“Nah, man.” Max shook her head. “Not just my leg, I broke my damn femur. Strongest bone in the body and snap.” She clapped her gloved hands together, muffling what should have surely been a hard impact. “With six months of therapy to go along with it. Got me into the job I’m in today, though.”

“He said you’re a physical therapist?”

“Yup. And he said you’re a writer.”

Eddie nodded.

“Well then, Writer Eddie Munson. How do you feel about the front door now?”

He looked back up, finding that it wasn’t quite as intimidating as it had been before.

“A little better.”

“Good. I’m glad. Can I give you a hand?”

“Oh, uh-” he looked back down at the box in his hand, flexing his fingers around the keychain he still had hanging off his thumb. “Yeah, actually. If you don’t mind.”

Max nodded, stepping forward and taking the box from him. Eddie gave her a small smile before squaring his shoulders and facing the door once more and stepping up towards the porch before he could stop himself.

Amongst his set of similar shaped keys, he easily found the one to the trailer, the same one he had cut out of a black blank when he was younger and so edgy.

With a deep breath he slipped it into the lock and turned, feeling it catch like it always did halfway through and jostling it in a way that was so familiar from years of doing the same thing, it hit him like a truck.

He swallowed down hard as he gestured Max in, switching the lights on.

It didn’t smell like Wayne anymore. Not really. It had been weeks since anyone had been inside. But the memory of the smell was there. 

It was freezing, an empty shell of a building that had been left to hold its ghosts. The pipes were probably frozen through too, but he and Wayne had handled that plenty of times before, this would be nothing new. 

Everything of Waynes was still here. His boots were by the door, his jackets were hung up, his mugs lined the walls. The remote was on the floor next to his recliner, like it had been accidentally nudged off of the arm and hadn’t been picked up yet.

It was like Wayne had just stepped out, or was hiding in another room.

Eddie could feel his heart start to crumble just a little more.

The two of them got his boxes and bags unpacked from his car and into the trailer in silence. He was pretty sure Max knew that he was just waiting for her to leave so he could break down in peace but even so, she turned to face him after placing the last box down.

“You can say no.” She said, hands back in her pockets. “But a few friends are flying in on Thursday and we’re going to meet up at Cathy’s. You’re welcome to come if you’re feeling up for it.”

Cathy’s pub, Wayne used to go there all the time. The actual name of the place was The Attic, but no one called it that, everyone called it Cathy’s. As much of an Irish pub as one could get out in Hawkins without actually being an Irish Pub. It just happened to be run by an Irish woman who refused to entertain four leaf clovers and green pints and had kicked people out in the past for calling it ‘Patty’s Day’ instead of ‘Paddy’s Day.’

Eddie nodded at her, his eyes already starting to mist up from everything settling around his shoulders.

“Thanks.” He sniffled. “I’ll think about it.”

She offered him a gentle smile and said her goodbyes, not lingering around when he so clearly wanted to be on his own.

He watched through the window as Max carved a path through the snow back to Mrs. Cartwright’s trailer, before closing his eyes, taking a deep breath and starting to unpack.

Last night had been one of the roughest nights of Eddie’s entire life.

He’d only managed to switch the electric heater on and open one box before the silence got to him.

He’d switched on the tv and had to flip channels for far too long before he found what he was looking for because he didn’t know where the sports channels were hidden away, he’d never wanted or needed to look for them before.

But having the trailer filled with the sound of sports commentators and the crowds in the stadium and an obscene amount of advertisements was enough to make him crack.

He’d ended up in a ball on the floor, crying so much he felt like he’d never stop, breathing so hard he felt himself getting lightheaded.

Every time the tears subsided and he had started to get a handle on himself, he saw something that would start the cycle all over again. The Garfield mug, Wayne’s favourite winter hat, the stash of red vines he kept hidden beside his armchair, a habit he got into and never got out of when they were living together to keep them away from Eddie’s sweet-tooth.

By the time Eddie had pulled himself up to curl into the couch, he had a bottle of whiskey in one hand and a nest of Wayne’s clothes surrounding him, the smell just barely lingering. 

He drank himself into a stupor.

The morning after was equally rough but in an entirely different way. When he was woken up by the sound of daytime life outside the trailer door, bleary and foggy, he recognised his surroundings before anything else. 

“Wayne?” He’d called, half expecting to turn to find him in his armchair, the sounds of the sports channel still filling in the space of the room. 

But then he remembered. 

All over again he remembered.

He was barely able to do anything for himself that day. Most of it was spent staring off into space, waiting for things to get better, like everyone always said it would. Waiting for the pain to dull and to be able to function again. 

He stood in the doorway of what had been Wayne’s bedroom and then his own and became Wayne’s again once he moved out.

He never thought he’d be back here, moving back into this exact same bedroom all over again. 

He didn’t sleep in the bed that night. Or the night after. 

He couldn’t. Not yet.

He had managed to get the water running, so that was a plus and by the time he had some of his stuff unpacked the trailer no longer looked like a warehouse full of boxes, but instead looked like a cluttered and messy home.

He didn’t have the strength to move any of Wayne’s things, so his own stuff just kind of existed in corners or on countertops and it was fine.

Everything was fine.

This was his life now.

This was what he wanted.

It was fine.

Snow was starting to swirl around him as he stood outside Cathy’s, slowly accumulating in his hair and building up around his boots as the warm light and laughter inside seeped out of the building. 

There were twinkling multi-colored lights lining the outside and glittering through the fogged up windows and Eddie could see inside was decorated with green garlands draped from every available surface, red, gold and silver baubles woven in throughout and topped off with a healthy smattering of tinsel.

It was the most inviting thing he had seen recently and he ached to go inside. It was just so full of memories.

But he was stuck. 

Rooted to the spot like he had been outside the trailer door a few days ago.

Wayne would have loved all of this. 

He loved Christmas. 

He loved Christmas late nights at Cathy’s.

And it was only really then, when he’d been so painfully aware of it in the back of his mind for the last few weeks, that this was going to be the first Christmas he had to endure without Wayne. 

“Eddie?”

Well, no running now. 

But it wasn’t Max this time.

“Eddie Munson, my god. Is that really you?”

Eddie turned and was met by the sight of someone he hadn’t seen in the longest time.

“Chris?”

Chrissy Cunningham was standing in front of him in all her short and bright glory with a blinding smile on her face. Something deep in him warmed under her gaze. They hadn’t been friends for very long before they both skipped town in opposite directions, not to mention the ill-fated crushes they had both quietly harboured for each other once upon a time, but that was never gonna work out.

Even so, a friendly face he recognised was just what he needed right now. Someone to help him brace everything in front of him through those doors. The Wayne of it all. And the terror of potentially being introduced to a whole group of people as a new outsider, in mourning, no less.

A loud burst of laughter rang out from inside as they looked at each other and Eddie felt something fizzle and settle gently in his chest. 

In a tiny little moment, they clicked again, still friends after all this time, no matter the distance.

Chrissy looked at him, a thousand emotions passing through her eyes as she worked through what she was going to say. She had definitely heard about Wayne’s death. Wayne had taken her in on more than one occasion when her mother had gotten to be too much.

Eddie had to get his ability to collect strays from somewhere, after all.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here. By the time I heard I couldn’t get a flight in time and I should have been here for you.”

“It’s okay.” he smiled at her. And it was okay, really. 

She wormed her hand in between his elbow and his side where they were clenched tight from the cold, looping her arm through.  “I’ll stick with you the whole night if you want me to.”

Eddie’s whole body sagged in relief, not knowing he needed to hear it until he did. 

“Please.”

Chrissy nodded, a steely look of determination on her face and their arms held tight together as they pushed their way inside.

The warm glow and homely smells hit him immediately and he felt his shoulders loosen even more. It was loud inside but not unbearable, the sounds of conversation mingling in with the speakers softly playing out a mix of traditional Irish music and what had to be some Christmas best hits album. 

Eddie dragged his eyes across the bar, while Chrissy looked around at the people sitting at various tables and booths. 

“Are you looking for anyone in particular?” He asked.

“I only just flew in today. I’m supposed to be meeting up with a number of- oh! There they are.”

She pointed towards the back by the fire that Cathy had put in, claiming it couldn’t be a proper pub without a fire. The series of tables were all pushed a little closer to each other, overflowing with people and Eddie had to blink at them a few times, realising there were definitely a few familiar faces grinning back at him and waving the two of them over.

The first person he recognised was Max, her bright red hair standing out amongst the sea of browns and chestnuts and blacks. It was then that his eye was drawn around the table and saw his Corroded Coffin boys and the Hellfire kids looking back at him. 

Damn, he’d forgotten to tell the boys about his impulsive move back here. He hadn’t really told anyone about it apart from Jack. But they didn’t seem to hold it against him. It was plain as day on their faces that they knew he might not exactly be doing things logically right about now.

And then there were the Hellfire kids. 

Or he supposed he could hardly call them kids anymore. 

They would all be somewhere in their mid-twenties at this stage and wasn’t that just a mind trip?

They all stood to greet Chrissy and himself, hugs and pats on the back all around, the Hellfire kids and Max introducing one of the few truly unfamiliar faces amongst the bunch, El. Another woman he vaguely recognised gave him a small wave but eventually he realised who she was, because this was a small town and everyone at least knew of everyone in one way or the other. 

Robin Buckley, from band.

What a strange mix of people.

She and Chrissy shared a long look with each other, eventually revealing that Robin was her long term girlfriend.

Eddie nodded along, told her it was nice to meet her but couldn’t help the taste of bitterness that rose up in his throat when he looked at the two of them, not being able to remember the last time he had been out with Jack and feeling like his company was enjoyed and Jack wasn’t just waiting to go home with or without him. 

It had barely been a week since they had broken up but the loneliness had been there for a while. 

He had only just managed to get his coat and scarf off before Cathy appeared at their table, a drink in each hand.

“Eddie, darling.” She said, placing the two drinks down in front of him and scooping him up into a hug. “It’s so good to see you back home, love.”

She was an older woman, warm and wrinkled and soft, smelling vaguely of cigarette smoke and perfume in a mix that shouldn’t have been as comforting as it was.

“Thanks, Cathy.” He muttered into her neck, pulling back away only to find his face in her hands. 

“If you need anything at all, you know where to find me, right?”

He gave her a shaky smile, not really sure what to do with himself, he could feel everyone else at the table watching them.

“Yeah.”

“Good boy.” She grinned back at him, petting his cheek before gesturing down at the drinks she dropped off at the table.

“This is for you, love. On the house.” She pointed at the beer bottle. “And this one,” she rested her hand next to the glass of whiskey, neat. Wayne’s drink. “It’s tradition. One last tipple for your dear uncle. And none of you,” she whipped around, pointing an accusing finger at everyone in the booth, “are to touch it.”

They all stared up at her wide eyed and nodded while she turned her smile back on Eddie. “You take care of yourself, now. You hear me?”

“I’ll do my best.” He gave her a short salute and she rolled her eyes at him in a good natured way before turning and heading back to the bar.

Eddie swept his eyes over the pub, hoping to get an idea of how much of a scene had been made, as quiet as they had been tucked away in their corner. But before he could take a proper inventory, the doors were pushed open and even from the back of the pub Eddie could feel the cold following in the figure's wake.

The newcomer brushed the snow out of his hair and stomped his shoes out before flashing a smile at Cathy and weaving his way through the tables towards them.

He was almost offensively pretty, his cheeks, nose and lips rosy from the cold, unwinding a scarf from around his neck, giving Eddie a glance at a spattering of moles across his skin. He ran a hand through his hair again, trying to get out the last of the snow.

He looked so familiar. 

It had been a long ten or so years since they'd seen each other, but it couldn’t be. 

Could it?

“Hi, sorry I’m late, I-”

“Harrington?”

Steve Harrington stopped short, standing in front of him, staring at him with cheeks getting slightly redder.

“Eddie.” He said, a little breathlessly, running his hand through his hair again, but it seemed to be more from nerves this time. “Hi.”

Oh, so they were on first name terms? Okay, he could deal with that. 

Except that maybe he couldn’t deal with it, because his childhood Big Gay Crush was standing in front of him, smiling at him and looking like he’d just been beamed out of the campest Christmas movie in existence, the warm glow of the Christmas lights and the fire dancing across his skin, bundled up in a dark red sweater and his hair was somehow still perfect.

But he was saved from having to respond as the group started shuffling around to greet him, Robin reaching out to pull him into a tight hug, like they hadn’t seen each other in ages.

Eddie moved back, sitting down at a stool at the edge of the tables, next to Chrissy and across from Robin and Steve who were whispering fiercely to each other, Robin explaining the whiskey on the table wasn’t to be touched and sending what they must have thought were subtle nods in his direction and well, he wasn’t sure what else he expected from tonight.

Apparently he was a local spectacle now.

But still, his boys were here, the Hellfire kids were here, Chrissy was here, he had plenty of people available to him to distract himself from Steve sitting directly across from him.

He had only managed to get halfway through the drink Cathy had brought him before he was approached again, this time by an older man who he recognised as one of the guys on Wayne’s shift.

He placed a fresh drink down in front of Eddie and told him Wayne was a good man, that the world was a little dimmer for his passing and he was a hell of a baseball player back in the day, could throw a ball at speed like no one he had ever seen since.

Eddie smiled and listened as the guy spoke, the clear affection and joy he had for his uncle warming his heart.

It was barely ten minutes after that guy had gone back to his own group that Eddie was approached again, another drink placed down in front of him and more sympathies and stories of Wayne’s past gifted to him from people who had known him.

It went on like that throughout the whole night, a steadily revolving door of people coming to talk to him about his uncle. 

Stories of the stupid and dangerous shit they had gotten up to in their childhoods, stories of cow tipping (which Eddie had heard from Wayne’s own mouth was a bold faced lie but a fun one to tell), tractor racing (which he had not heard about) and one time Wayne had been chased out of Farmer Dan’s barn by the man himself wielding a shotgun, convinced he’d been corrupting his daughter.

Stories of nights playing poker, learning to never ever trust his poker face, his abysmal luck when it came to his fantasy football teams and how much he loved to get a bit of drink in him and sing at the top of his lungs, which Cathy always humoured, often joining in.

Almost as if she had been summoned, Cathy appeared at his other side.

“Will we have a little sing-song for your uncle, love?”

Eddie looked up at her and thought about it. To hear the accented and cracking old voices singing along to the songs that just seemed to live in pubs like these would probably hurt, but it would be like lancing a wound. 

It would sting but it would be healing.

“Yeah.” He said. “I don’t see why not.”

“Would you do us the honours, then?”

Eddie felt his eyes go wide. He was never really much of a singer. “Oh. No,” he blushed, shaking his head, “I don’t think so, I’ll leave that up to the professionals.” He gestured around to the group of older men he had managed to collect as the night wore on. “If it’s one thing Wayne didn’t hand down to me, it was his singing voice.”

Cathy waved him off. “Oh nonsense, you have a lovely voice.”

He really didn’t.

“I really don’t.”

“We’ll be singing along with you anyway-”

“No, I’d rather not-”

“I could do it for you.”

Eddie turned to face Steve who was looking the least nervous that he had for the entire night, his gaze steady and confident, clearly comfortable in his singing ability. Robin was staring hard at the side of his head, like she was trying to beam thoughts directly into his brain. Eddie’s heart was thumping in his chest and he could feel his cheeks start to heat up, something he was pretty sure had little to do with the drink.

“You sing, Steve?”

Robin’s mouth ticked up at Eddie’s question though she tried to hide it, like she was harbouring a little secret.

“I’ve been known to.” Steve’s own lips curled up, shooting that tiny little smile Eddie’s way and-

Oh.

Oh shit.

Childhood Big Gay Crush, you’ve been upgraded to Current Big Gay Crush.

“Any requests?”

Eddie thought back. 

There was only one song that came to mind to kick them off.

Wayne had always loved a certain type of song to sing in the pubs and when Metallica came out with a cover of one of them, a cover of the Thin Lizzy version? It was solidified. 

It was their song, regardless of which version was being sung.

Now he just had to try to get through it without bursting into tears.

“Whiskey In The Jar.”

Steve smiled at him bright and blinding. “Thank god you didn’t say The Rattlin’ Bog.”

Eddie grinned back. “I couldn’t dump you in the deep-end like that, sweetheart.”

Cathay was practically bouncing with excitement and when Steve opened his mouth and started to sing, not a hint of bashfulness or embarrassment to be seen, it didn’t take long for Wayne’s friends to join in, singing and clapping along, stomping their feet and whooping. 

Eddie just sat and listened. Just for that one song. He could feel it settle around his heart and clog up his throat but he could handle it. Steve’s voice was smooth and clear, like it all came to him with zero effort, like he was born to it, the bastard.

Eddie was able to keep it together through that song and while the applause surrounded him and Steve was starting to field suggestions for more songs, the rest of their table started to join in, the energy of the pub becoming electric.

As the night wore on and Eddie was handed drink after drink, he found himself drifting right into the group, until he was in the middle, Steve’s arm stretched over the back of the booth behind them, squished in together as they were. They didn’t strictly need to be as pressed up against each other as they were, but neither of them were moving and Eddie would take his comforts where he could, listening to the voice vibrating from the body next to him.

Eddie was able to hold it together until they decided they’d do one last song and he knew he wasn’t going to survive it dry eyed.

Of all the money that ever I had,

I spent it in good company.

Steve had barely gotten through the first verse before the tears started, just a slow and quiet trickle but noticed immediately regardless.

Steve’s hand dropped from where it was at the back of the booth to land around Eddie’s shoulders, giving him a little squeeze while Chrissy took his hand, resting her head on his shoulder. 

Steve sang slow and unaccompanied, his voice ringing out clear and steady while Cathy and Wayne’s friends listened with heads hung low. He let the last notes fade out, keeping Eddie tucked in tight to his side as the applause rang out and everyone started making their moves to head home.

Even as Eddie had to go through the rigmarole of shaking hands and kissing cheeks, much drunker than he thought he was, Steve held onto him. He heard more than one of Wayne’s friends mutter “You take care of him, you hear?” or “Get him home safe” and each time Steve smiled and nodded, assuring them he would.

He didn’t know exactly when he had become Steve’s problem but he was too drunk to care, it was nice to be looked after for once.

Sunlight was spearing straight through his head. Someone hadn’t closed the blinds properly last night and now he was being assaulted by this world's version of Pelor in what had to be some kind of revenge for something terrible he must have done in a past life. 

Dragging his eyes around the trailer, he was thankful that he was on the couch. He hadn’t slept in Wayne’s bed since moving back here. He didn’t think he would be able to for a while yet. At least not until he started moving some of his stuff out and who knew how long that might take.

It didn’t feel right, taking Wayne out of his own bedroom for the second time in his life. 

But even so, he wondered which poor misfortune from the pub last night had been the one to deal with him and take him home, probably seeing the state things had been left in and the fact that he was clearly using the couch as a bed.

Maybe it had been Max. He kind of hoped it had been Max, he felt like she could probably relate the best, though Chrissy would have been kind about it too.

Eddie was able to drag himself up to sitting, still clad in his t-shirt and boxers, so at the very least, whoever had spilled him onto the couch last night didn’t get an accidental show.

There was something sticking in the back of his head that it could have been Steve who brought him home but that would be the most embarrassing eventuality of all so he just straight up ignored it, making his coffee as strong as humanly possible and dragging himself and the coffee into the shower. 

Today was gonna be… today was gonna be an inside day. He didn’t think he could stomach the outside world, all the brightness and snow and Christmas lights and festive cheer in mourning and hungover.

His trailer was the only one left in the park undecorated. He couldn’t…

He just couldn’t.

Not right now, anyway.

Maybe next year.

He and Wayne had always done it together. Even when Eddie had moved away from home, he’d make the drive back down at the start of December every year to help, staying the night and then going back to Jack for a couple of weeks then coming back again for the week of Christmas.

He-

Oh.

He was going to be completely alone this year.

He didn’t just not have Wayne. 

He didn’t have Jack either.

And no doubt, everyone who was back in town was back in town for their own reasons, to see their own friends and family, not to bring in a stray mourner who would undoubtedly bring the mood down. 

Well, that was fucking depressing. 

But it was fine.

He’d make himself a mountain of waffles and eat nothing but those all day and watch stupid horror movies and smoke himself into oblivion to avoid the destructive hangover and it would be fine. 

It would hardly be a Christmas but it would be fine.

A knock at the door made him blink and woke him up from his daily routine of staring off into space. He had finally found himself feeling somewhat human, at least physically. Dressed and dried and on his second round of coffee and first round of painkillers, standing in the doorway to Wayne’s bedroom again when the knock came.

He glanced between the front door and the bedroom, wondering if it was even worth it to see what salesperson or caroler was on the other end. They didn’t deserve his moody ambivalence, but whoever it was knocked again and maybe just the sight of him would be enough to scare them away.

He swung the door open and nearly closed it immediately when Steve looked up at him with a shy smile. 

He didn’t know if he could handle this right now. 

“Hi.” Steve said, his cheeks pink either from the cold or from embarrassment, Eddie wasn’t sure which. 

He was like… fifty percent sure that Steve might be, maybe, giving him some signals but also he got very, very drunk last night and he was pretty sure he remembered crying on someone’s shoulder after he got home too so, he was probably not the best judge of these things.

“Hi.” Eddie clutched his coffee cup tighter in his hand. “I’d invite you in, but I would rather you not see how I’m living right now.”

Steve furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “I’ve already- nevermind.” He shook his head. “I can’t stay long anyway, I just wanted to check if you were okay after last night.”

Eddie raised his eyebrows and blew a breath out through his lips. “I’m… I’m. Well. I’m… coping, I suppose.”

Steve nodded, eyes cast down to glance around the porch. There was a flake of snow clinging to one of his eyelashes, Eddie didn’t know how it got there. It hadn’t been snowing that morning, not from what he’d seen anyway, cooped up inside. Steve looked up towards the roof of the trailer and then around the edges, no doubt taking in its depressing and undecorated exterior.

“Listen, I-” 

Steve hesitated, his cheeks burning a little brighter, hands shoved in his pockets and arms curled in tight towards himself. Eddie felt a little bad about leaving him out here in the cold, not even inviting him in regardless of how it was inside, it felt unnecessarily mean but he didn’t know if he could handle having Steve in his space right now. He felt like he was at either a knife’s edge or unbearably dull this morning.

“I wanted to offer you- or, I don’t know. If you didn’t have any plans, that- well, I’m hosting everyone at my place on Christmas day and you would be more than welcome if you wanted to come. Y’know… if you weren’t… if you didn’t-”

“If I’m gonna be alone?”

Steve turned his big sad eyes on him, mouth gone slack from shock. 

“No! No, that’s not what I meant. I never meant to suggest-”

Eddie shrugged, taking a sip from his mug. 

“It’s an unfortunate fact, right now, Stevie. I am alone. It’s depressing but it’s the truth.”

“Well.” Steve took a big breath in. “It doesn’t have to be.”

Eddie hummed, rocking back and forth on his feet. “Who’s everyone? I don’t know if I would be able to handle your parents. No offence.”

Steve scoffed. “None taken. They haven’t set foot in that house in nearly ten years. It’s not theirs anymore, it’s mine.”

“Oh. They dead too?”

To Steve’s credit, he didn’t flinch at the words that were maybe a little harsher than they needed to be, he met Eddie’s eye, determined and unwavering.

“No, they’re not. They left Hawkins, left me the house, called it my inheritance and drove off. They’re in New York now. We exchange Christmas cards but that’s about it.”

Eddie was a little bewildered.

“You don’t talk to them at all?”

Steve shrugged. “We know who we are to each other.”

So Steve still had parents out there in the world and they just… didn’t talk to each other? And from the sounds of it, all three of them seemed fine with that? Now that sounded depressing. 

“Steve, I’m… I’m sorry.”

Steve tilted his head, their eyes never once wavering. “It’s a different kind of mourning, I suppose.” He shuffled a little bit in the cold and fuck, Eddie really should have invited him inside, but it looked like he was getting ready to leave anyway. “So, on the day it’ll be me, Rob and Chris. The kids will come over later on in the evening. And I think Dustin has invited those three guys from your band too, so they might show up. Like I said, no pressure, you do whatever it is you’re comfortable with but I think they’d all like to see you, I’d-” 

Steve swallowed, his face getting pinker.

“I’d like to see you.”

Eddie could feel a grin tugging at his lips, something giddy and hopeful blooming in his belly despite everything. “Oh, would you now?”

Steve flashed him a charming grin, his shoulders relaxing almost imperceptibly while he dragged his eyes down towards Eddie’s lips and then back up. “I would.”

“Well then, I’ll have to see what I can do.”

Despite the things he said to Steve, he wasn’t sure he was going to turn up until he did.

He’d gotten into his car Christmas morning with a thermos of hot chocolate and an insulated blanket and visited Wayne.

He’d placed Wayne’s old fashioned chipped and battered mug that he only ever drank hot chocolate out of at Christmas time, a painted wreath and ‘Merry Christmas’ decorating the front, down next to the wooden cross dug into the head of his grave.

The headstone wouldn’t be finished for another few weeks.

He spread the blanket down over the snow, wishing he’d thought to bring a cushion but powering through regardless.

He poured out some hot chocolate for himself and Wayne, sat back, drank and just… talked.

He told Wayne about his breakup with Jack, about selling the apartment, about moving back into the trailer, apologised for not checking in with him first before he did. He talked about everyone who came to the funeral and the night at the pub, the songs, the people he spoke to, the friends he found there.

Steve.

He might have spent a little longer talking about Steve. It was nothing Wayne hadn’t heard before, though. Eddie had talked about him a lot during school.

He rambled and tripped over his words and laughed and cried.

He was alone in the graveyard. No one else was visiting at this cold hour of the morning, they would all probably stop by after mass or after dinner but Eddie hated the idea of not seeing him first thing.

Going back home after that was hard.

His hands were stiff and creaking, his ass was so numb from the cold it had come back around to hurting again and he didn’t know if it would ever thaw, but sitting in his van outside the trailer, looking at it cold and empty and undecorated he knew he couldn’t spend the whole damn day here.

He wasn’t sure what time he was supposed to show up to Steve’s but it seemed like an informal enough invite so he tried to distract himself as best as he could before he could make his appearance at an appropriate time.

He called it tidying but it was really just moving things around from corner to corner, trying to find spaces for his stuff to live, but at the very least the trailer no longer looked like Eddie had just dumped his entire life out onto the living room floor.

Which… he had but it didn’t really look like it anymore.

By the time the evening started to close in around him, he figured now was as good a time as any to go, it was certainly a better idea than sitting around with his blank word document, bouncing his knee or chewing on his fingers or staring off into space.

He did try to at least pull himself together to look presentable enough. Or as presentable his ripped jeans would allow him to be. 

At the last second he reached for one of Wayne’s flannels, a buffalo check in red and black that felt Christmassy enough, slipping it on over his t-shirt and under his jacket.

Steve’s house was completely decked out. Even from the outside Eddie could tell he’d gone all out, every edge of the roof was crawling with twinkling warm white lights, there were LED candle arches lighting up every window and a large wreath surrounding the door knocker. Through the windows he could see that the inside was much the same.

Steve’s whole face lit up into a bright smile when he opened the door to Eddie standing there with his hands in his pockets.

“You came.” He breathed.

“I did.” Eddie smiled back. “I hope you don’t mind, I'm a little empty handed. By the time I remembered it was polite to bring something to these things it was already too late and I’ve been a little scatter-brained recently-”

“No, no. That’s fine, Eds.” Steve waved him in and Eddie tried not to let his stomach completely fly away with him at the nickname. “Come in. I’m just happy you're here, empty handed or not.”

Just like Steve had that night at the pub in his red sweater and perfectly tousled hair, the entire house looked like it had been transported out of a Christmas movie. The space was warmly lit by various lights strung around the bannister, fresh green garlands swagged over doorways and the fireplace, which was roaring and warm.

Red and green stockings were lined up over the mantle, almost too many to fit, and a large regal Christmas tree was decked out to the nines with a mishmash of different coloured decorations.

The tree and the garlands gave the whole place an inviting smell, complemented by the scent of cooking and baking that was wafting in from the kitchen.

Steve helped him slip his jacket off his shoulders, hanging it up over the coat rack.

“Can I get you something to drink? You’re just in time, dinner should be coming out of the oven any second now.”

“Yeah, that would be great.”

Steve shot him a blinding smile, turning and disappearing through an entryway while Eddie wandered to stand in front of the fire.

He stared down at it, letting the warmth spread over him wondering if he really should be feeling… more? Less? 

He still felt sad that Wayne was gone and excited at the idea that something might be brewing with Steve, but was that right? Was that normal? Should there be other things? He didn’t know.

He was distracted from those thoughts by the sound of bickering coming from the kitchen.

“Rob, let me just-”

“No, get out!”

Steve stumbled through the doorway with a little pout on his face, managing to keep the two wine glasses in his hands from spilling over.

“Did you just get kicked out of your own kitchen?”

“Yeah.” He grumbled, handing one of the glasses to Eddie and Eddie did not blush when their fingers light grazed one another. He was an adult fucking man who’d done many filthy, dirty things in his life. He did not blush at a finger graze. “She won’t let me do anything else. Said I’ve cooked enough already which, I don’t know how that could possibly be true considering it isn’t even finished yet but-”

Steve cut himself off with a bite to his lip.

“Sorry, that’s- nevermind. I’m rambling.”

“It’s okay, Stevie. I don’t mind.”

Steve smiled, a little more to himself than to Eddie and said softly, “I like it when you call me that.”

Eddie had to drag his eyes away, the sweetness of Steve’s grin was too much to handle right now.

“I like it when you call me Eds.”

They were just standing there smiling at each other and slowly rocking on their feet, like they wanted to inch forwards but neither was brave enough to take the leap.

“Are you in the food industry? Is that why Robin gave you the boot?”

“No.” Steve shook his head. “I think I probably would have liked it, but no. I sing. Singer-songwriter, really but- I mean- I’m in music.”

“Really?” Eddie’s mouth was maybe hanging open a little wider than it needed to be, but Steve didn’t seem to mind. He hadn’t torn his eyes away. “I mean you have the voice for it, but shit, that’s not an easy industry to be in.”

Steve shrugged. “It could be worse. I work independently so I don’t have anyone breathing down my neck about it.”

“Anything I would have heard?”

“I dunno.” Steve blushed, hiding behind his wine glass as he took a sip. “Don’t really think it’s your type of music.”

“I’ll give anything a try once.”

Steve grinned a little and Eddie could tell there was a joke hidden in there somewhere that Steve graciously didn’t voice aloud. “It’s a mix of everything I suppose. But if you were to put a genre on it I’d call it indie rock.”

“I’m just letting you know right now, little eighteen year old Eddie is green with jealousy. I’ll have to look you up.”

“Please don’t.” Steve grimaced, his whole face bright red. “I don’t think I would be able to live with the embarrassment. And what about you, anyway? How’s the new book going?”

“Uh,” Eddie cast around for an answer before gulping back a mouthful of wine. “It’s going… it’s going. I’ve been kinda stuck at a wall for a few months now, but hopefully something will come to me soon.” He frowned to himself before looking back up at Steve. “How did you hear I was writing a new book? I wouldn’t have even thought you’d remember who I was, like in general.”

“How could I not remember you? You’re hard to forget.”

It was Eddie’s turn to hide behind his wine glass now. He wasn’t exactly sure how true that was, considering everything about his past relationship.

“But… uh. As for how I knew,” Steve rubbed that back of his neck, “I’ve read them. Your books, I mean.”

Eddie’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head. 

“You have? And you read them knowing it was me who wrote them?” He laughed to himself. “Didn’t think you’d be into queer vampire action romance.”

“You have no idea what I’m into Eds.” Steve answered, his eyes low and lidded, a smirk pulling up at the side of his mouth.

Eddie was saved from making a further fool of himself when Robin and Chrissy appeared in the kitchen doorway.

“Feast’s served!”

The girls each said their hello’s, an arm squeeze from Robin and a hug and a kiss on the cheek from Chrissy before he was practically pushed down into his seat.

The dining table was large enough to have everything on the table, turkey, ham and all the trimmings, bowls with spoons sticking out of them and plates with tongs, even enough space left over for candles and decor in the middle of it all.

As bowls were passed around and both Steve and Robin made the first move on the food, tipping servings out to Eddie and Chrissy before themselves, Eddie found himself getting lost in conversation from all three directions.

He gossiped with Chrissy while Steve and Robin bickered over the best cut of the turkey. 

Throughout the dinner, Robin tried to sneakily get rid of her sprouts by dropping them one by one onto Steve’s plate when he wasn’t looking, but he noticed every time, savouring them with a satisfaction that could only come from someone who actually liked them.

He got into his own good natured argument with Robin about marching band while Steve and Chrissy talked sports.

And he flirted.

Brazenly.

Probably far more brazenly than he should have but Steve always rose to meet the challenge with a curl of his lip and a glint in his eye.

By the time dessert was making the rounds he was pretty sure he could have fallen asleep sitting at the dining table, but finding room for the cakes and pies and trifles, as always.

Steve had stopped drinking after that first glass and while Eddie didn’t exactly want to get completely plastered, he still allowed himself to get to a polite level of tipsy.

The girls had no such worries, already rosy cheeked and a little sloppy by the time the kids and Eddie’s band arrived.

The rest of the night was full of Christmas music, the most ridiculous games of charades which Eddie won every time, pulling on his old DM skills and after a passionate argument on what the worst Christmas movie was, the winning candidate was turned on, everyone laughing and jeering along with it like it was a Rocky Horror showing, Eddie pressed into Steve’s side on the couch.

It was during a particularly loud moment, all of them booing the screen when he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket.

Pulling it out he saw the screen light up with a name he hadn’t really thought of for most of the night.

Jack.

He stared down at the name for longer than he really needed to before sighing to himself.

“I’ll be back in a minute.”

Steve glanced between the phone and his face before settling into a gentle smile.

“Okay.” He gave his shoulder a small squeeze and Eddie got up, bringing the phone to his ear and stepping out of the room.

“Hello?”

There was a momentary pause on the other line before a quiet voice spoke. “Hi, Eddie.”

Eddie wasn’t entirely sure what to say back to him. Why are you calling? Why are you suddenly interested? Has the guilt finally gotten to you? Is it because it’s Christmas and you thought I’d be alone?

In the end he didn’t have to say anything.

“I’m just- I guess I just wanted to see how you’re doing.” Jack sounded resigned and a little sad. If they had still been together, Eddie would have been trying to drag him out to the Christmas market or trivia nights or Christmas parties for the last few weeks and they would have been heading out in a day or two to spend the rest of the holidays with Jack’s family in Ohio. Jack had only come back with him for a Christmas with Wayne once before.

But it sounded like Jack was already with his family. Eddie could hear his mothers Michael Bublé Christmas album playing softly in another room.

“I’m doing…” Eddie sighed, leaning back against the wall. “I’m doing okay.”

A loud chorus of laughter burst through the sitting room, shouting and jeering following quickly behind.

“You’re out somewhere?”

Eddie glanced back through the door, watching everyone gathered either talking to each other, pointing in indignation at the tv, tucking into another serving of dessert or knocking back the last of their drink, all backlit by the Christmas lights and the fire.

“I’m with friends.”

“Good.” He could hear Jack nodding, wondering how he was handling his mothers questions or his fathers awkwardness that Eddie usually deflected for him. “That’s good. I’m glad you- I’m glad you’re not alone.”

No thanks to you, Eddie wanted to snap but kept it down. He didn’t have the energy for an argument right now. Didn’t want one. It was Christmas and he wanted to keep the comfortable, fuzzy feeling around for as long as he could.

Steve lifted his eyes, looking right at him and grinning, something soft, something warm and easy, just for him.

Eddie smiled back. “Yeah, me too.”

Steve drove him home that night. It was nearly two in the morning by the time he was bundled up in the car with a lap full of tupperware and his heart feeling lighter than it had for weeks now.

He’d been offered a room to stay in, but had refused. He didn’t want to impose any more than he already had and if he was honest with himself, he wanted to be at home. 

Plus he hadn’t brought anything for an overnight.

When they pulled up, Eddie tried to shuffle his way out of the car without dropping anything but eventually had to huff and hand some of the containers over when Steve offered to help him carry them all.

They were inside before Eddie remembered his previous refusal to let Steve in through the door, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

Steve gave a cursory glance around but his eyes always seemed to be drawn back to Eddie, placing the containers down on the kitchen counter and assuring him he’d be back in the morning to drive Eddie back to his car.

“I hope you had a good time.” Steve looked at him, all warm and gooey and too good to be true.

“I had a great time, I think I needed it.” Eddie fidgeted with his rings, nervous all of a sudden. “Thanks for inviting me.”

“Of course. It was great to see you, I’m glad you came.” 

They stood, staring at each other and Eddie had the urge to hide his face behind his hair, but he resisted.

Steve reached out, brushing a curl behind his ear and then leant in, placing a sweet and chaste kiss against his cheek and Eddie was left completely dazed.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah.” Eddie breathed, nodding. “Yeah, tomorrow.”

He watched Steve step out onto the porch and slide into his car, driving away with a little waggle of his fingers. Eddie unconsciously brought his hand up to brush over his cheek where he could still feel the tingle of Steve’s lips against his skin.

When the headlights of Steve’s car turned the corner, Eddie closed the door, staring at it in silence for a few moments before a hysterical little giggle burst out of his throat.

His whole body was wracked through with momentary excitement, forcing him to spin in a silly little circle. He stifled another giggle, sighing it out before his eyes landed on the couch.

He looked back up at a photo from a few years ago, of him and Wayne on a road trip that they had taken, sitting on a wooden fence surrounding a national park. Wayne always said it was just “One step at a time, boy. You’ll never get anywhere if you don’t take that first step.”

“Yeah, I hear you, Wayne.” Eddie responded out into the empty trailer. “First step.”

He looked up towards the bedroom.

He felt like, maybe tonight, maybe he could be comfortable with that first step.

Pulling a fresh set of bedsheets out of storage and turning back to the bed with them bundled up in his arms, he figured he’d just have to take it one step at a time.

I made a short playlist to go along with this fic containing the songs sung and the different versions mentioned along with one or two others I think they may have sung and my own favourites.

Some of you may have read I lost a family member a couple of weeks ago and I suppose this is my way of working through my feelings about it. It hit a little harder than I had intended but was healing to write nonetheless.

AO3

As always, my biggest thanks and much love to @hbyrde36 for the beta work with this and to the Stranger Things Writers Guild Discord for their motivation!

Christmas lights divider by @silkholland

#steddie #stranger things #eddie munson #steve harrington #steve x eddie #penny00dreadful #eddie x steve #steddie fanfic #steddie fic #fanfic #tw character death #tw funeral #tw grief #tw mourning #christmas fic

[weirdgenetic-fuckup]

Hiii

Can you do the bassists too (safe words)

Absolutely! Here are Jason and Cliff with using safe words, I was going to add Rob but I literally couldn't think of anything, nothing against him as a bassist or person in general I've just never been into him I guess so I apologise for that lol. Other than that I hope you enjoy who I did write for :3

If you'd like to see any other band/musicians you'd like to see with this prompt let me know and I might write for it :3

Link to part 1

Warnings: Smut, angst, use of a safe word, rough sex, car sex, high sex, mentions of weed, if you think you won't be comfortable reading that that's fine protect yourself before reading content, if there's something you think I missed please let me know :3

You came home after a long day at work, your body was sore and all you wanted to do was curl up on the couch with your boyfriend, Cliff.

As soon as you got through the front door you were hit with a very distinct smell. Having gone through this countless times before you made your way into the living room and found Cliff on the couch watching cartoons and giggling like a little kid. His eyes were red and he had a joint in his hand.

Cliff didn’t even seem to notice you had gotten home until you were standing directly in front of him. “Oh, hey.” He said, voice cheery as he smiled up at you. You crossed your arms in front of your chest. “You want to watch with me?” You didn’t want to watch with him when he was like this, not today, but you did want to just sit with him. You let out a heavy sigh and curled up next to him on the couch, trying to ignore the stench of weed.

As the cartoons progressed you relaxed a bit. You got used to the smell and were able to tune it out in a way. Cliff was shifting uncomfortably beside you and it was getting harder to ignore. “Is something wrong?” You asked, looking up at him. Cliff shook his head. You weren’t convinced so you kept an eye on him but continued watching the movie.

“Can I see your hand?” He asked, already reaching for your hand. You didn’t understand what he was planning but figured nothing was wrong with him just holding your hand, whether he was high or not he always enjoyed toying with your fingers. You turned your attention back to the movie, though watching a bit of what he was doing. Cliff took your hand, kissed your knuckles a few times before bringing your hand down to his crotch, palming himself through his jeans with your hand.

You pulled your hand away, even going as far as to scooch further down the couch. “What the hell, Cliff?”

Cliff just chuckled, giving a small shrug. “What? C’mon, been sitting here alone all day, ‘m bored.” He mumbled, reaching for your hand again. You sighed but let him continue. You unzipped his pants and tugged them down a bit along with his boxers, just enough to have his cock spring out. He was already fully hard, the tip was bright red and leaking so you started stroking him.

This was not how you wanted to spend your time at home, the situation as is was enough to make you cry. Your eyes were tearing up as you jerked him off but you managed to keep your emotions under control, thinking you could make him cum and he’d crash. This was not the case as his hand made its way to your head, tangling in your hair and trying to push your head down to meet his member. You stopped and got off the couch. “Cliff, I don’t want to do that.” You stated, your voice wavering.

“C’mon, ‘m almost done anyway.” He reached for you again but you pulled away. “C’mon, please?” He stood up, now towering over you as he wrapped his arms around you, kissing all over your face. His hand slid down your arm before reaching your own and brought it back to his dick.

“No, Cliff, stop! I-I don’t want to.” You protested, just barely holding back your tears. Cliff just kept going, your pleas just seemed to turn him on more and it didn’t take long before he came, white spurts getting all over your clothes and the floor.

“Hah, fuck, see? Wasn’t that-” He pulled away and finally saw your tear streaked cheeks. “What’s the matter?” He asked, bringing the hand that was just around his dick to your face. You took a step back and shook your head, wiping your tears.

“I said pumpkin, why didn’t you listen?” You asked through soft sobs. Cliff stood there dumbfounded, he hadn’t even registered you were speaking, let alone that you had said your safe word.

“I didn’t hear you.” He muttered, quickly trying to get himself situated so he could comfort you. You stormed off into the bedroom, locking the door behind you.

Cliff sighed and fell back onto the couch, falling asleep almost instantly.

A few hours later Cliff woke up again and noticed the bedroom door was still closed. He managed to sleep off his high and went over to check on you but the door was still locked, he tried knocking but there was no answer. He knew he messed up and wanted to do something to make you happy, so he got his keys and a jacket and went out to retrieve some of your favourite snacks.

Cliff returned with a bag of goodies and excitedly went to the bedroom and knocked. “Y/n? I, um, I got you some snacks.” He called through the door. When there was no response he knocked again. “Hello? Oh, are you sleeping? Fuck, sorry.” He backed away but quickly turned back. “You aren’t sleeping, you can’t be sleeping, I’m not sleeping with you.” He whispered to himself and knocked again. “Y/n, love, can you open up for me, please?” He huffed when there was yet again no reply. He just started knocking on the door, not aggressively just light tapping, enough to annoy the living shit out of you.

Cliff just kept on knocking and calling out your name, he didn’t notice you coming out of the bathroom and walking up behind him. “Y/n, please! I’m so sorry, please, just talk to me!” He called. You started digging through the bag he got for you which he finally noticed and glanced down and had to do a double take to make sure he was seeing things right. “Oh, y/n!”

“How long were you knocking?” You asked, pulling out your favourite drink from the bag.

“Doesn’t matter, I got you some snacks.” Cliff smiled as he held out the bag to you. “I wanted to apologise for today, I’m so sorry that I didn’t listen to you when you wanted to stop.” You nodded along and wrapped your arms around him, pushing your face into his chest.

“I just had a really bad day and wanted cuddles.” You mumbled, voice starting to shake again. Cliff wrapped his arms around you as well, kissing the top of your head.

“We can cuddle now if you want.” You looked up at him with a smile and nodded. The two of you got into bed, holding each other close as you snacked and talked about your days, mostly you venting to him about work. He was happy to listen and make your day just a little bit better.

Jason was never the possessive type. He had his moments, for sure, but he always trusted you and there was never a time where he ever told you not to hang out with certain people or something.

You went to visit him at the studio and decided to bring him and the other guys lunch. When you got there Jason was in the recording booth, getting his bass lines down. Of course, everyone was very happy to see you, or rather the food that came with you. Jason wanted to finish up his parts before coming out for lunch so you found a stool in the corner and sat down to wait for him.

While he was in there one of the tech guys came over to you and started talking to you. Nothing much, just a bit of small talk. You didn’t see anything wrong with it but when Jason got out of the booth he was pissed. He came right over to you and stood between you and the guy, not waiting a second before smashing his lips against your. “Didn’t know you were coming down here, doll.” He muttered against your lips.

“Yeah, well, I thought it would be nice to bring you and the guys food.” You said with a smile, you could tell something was wrong but you weren’t quite sure what it was. Jason nodded and pulled you into his arms, picking you up and carrying you out of the recording room. James and Lars protested, saying he wasn’t done. They stopped when Kirk reminded them that he had actually finished his parts.

“Jase, where are we going?” You asked, giggling at his behaviour.

“Home.” He replied bluntly. “Need to remind you who the fuck you belong to.” You couldn’t deny that you were a little interested to see this side of Jason. This new dominating, possessive angle of the man you love.

Jason got you in the passenger seat of his car before going over to the driver's side. He didn’t even make it out of the parking lot before he started pulling at your pants, tugging them down your thighs. “Jason, come on, just wait till we get home.” You were still smiling and your tone was still cheery while he started to play with you.

He slapped your thigh. “Shut up, you were horny enough to go after the fucking bellboy or whatever he was.” You looked at him with a hurt expression as he tugged on your panties so hard they broke.

“Jason! These were expensive.” You whined, he didn’t care and just slid a finger over your slick folds. He kept his eyes on the road, glaring at all the passing cars and buildings while sinking a finger in you.

It started out fine, you were enjoying this version of him and the way he was making you feel. “Fuck, Jason, feels so good.” You hummed and rolled your hips against his hand, looking for more of his touch. He pulled his finger out and slapped your thigh again, this time much harsher.

“Shut the fuck up, who said you could fucking talk?” You bit your lip, staring at him a little worried. He stuck two fingers back into you but didn’t wait for you to adjust before he started pumping them in and out of you. There was a small pain but you thought you could handle it. Then he stuck another in, again he didn’t wait.

You were getting closer to home but not nearly fast enough and Jason already had four fingers stretching you out in such a painful manner. You were whining and crying for him to let up, you knew if you absolutely needed to you could use your safe word but you didn’t want to. You had been enjoying where this was going and thought he would let up soon, as soon as you got home. He didn’t.

He pulled the car into a parking lot and turned it off. “Get in the back.” He ordered and got out of the car. He stood there for a moment while you sat in the car, unsure of what to do. Jason came over to your side of the car and opened your door. “I told you to get in the back.” You started crawling between the seats to get to the back but he pulled you back. “Not that way you fucking child, c’mere.” He tugged on your arm to get you out of the car.

“What? No! I’m not going out with my fucking pants down, what if someone sees?” Your voice was a whisper as you expressed your concerns.

“There’s no one fucking here, come on.” He pulled you out of the car and got you into the backseat in a rather aggressive manner. Jason didn’t hesitate and put his fingers right back inside you. The stretch was unpleasant, the way his fingers moved didn’t feel half as good as they usually did. He took it a step further and got his whole fist in you, that’s when you had enough.

“Jason.” You squeaked. “Jason stop, it hurts.”

“Stop being a bitch and just take it, you were all over that bastard back at the studio, just wanna throw yourself at anyone, huh?” His tone and accusation along with the stretch was just all too much and tears started streaming down your cheeks as you cried.

“Please, Jason, I-I’m sorry! I didn’t-didn’t mean to I just-”

“Didn’t mean to? Fuck you mean you ‘didn’t mean to’? Didn’t mean to fuck other guys on your way over?” You shook your head, squirming underneath Jason.

“Please, Jason.” You whined.

“Please, what? Please let me fuck around? Please let me take whatever cock I want?”

“Pump-pumpkin, please, pumpkin!” You cried out. Jason stopped, pulling his hand out of you.

“Baby, what did you say?” His voice was the complete opposite as to what it just was, no longer harsh and accusatory but soft and sweet just as you were used to. “Did you say pumpkin?” He brought his hand up to your face, caressing your cheek lovingly.

“‘M sorry, I just-just couldn’t take it anymore.” You said through sobs. Jason shook his head and carefully pulled you into his lap. “No, no, don’t apologise, you didn’t do anything wrong, I’m so sorry I made you have to say that.” He held you close to his chest, kissing your forehead and cheeks. “I’m sorry I was so rough, you didn’t do anything to deserve that.”

#Metallica #metallica smut #metallica x reader #metallica fanfiction #metallica angst #metallica imagines #Cliff burton #Cliff burton angst #Cliff burton smut #cliff burton fluff #cliff burton x reader #Jason Newsted #Jason newsted x reader #Jason newsted fluff #jason newsted angst #jason newsted smut

[titleknown]

KAIJUNE NEO: LUMPY GRAVY

I saw it through the sewer grate. It ate them, head-first. Like a gingerbread man.

It didn't see me, I don't even think it knew it was eating them. It was just... they were there, they were there and it was hungry. It smelled like rotten meat. But that wasn't the worst part.

The worst part was, I could hear laughing. I could hear it in my head. I could hear it in their voices.

-Alan Smith of New York, New York

[Note: The interview subject is smoking a large cigar the whole time. Indoors. In a room with minimal ventilation in the summer. I hate him already.]

My concrete factory... just fucking gone. In an instant. Didn't even get indigestion...

...You know, this wouldn't have happened if you listened to the Prophet. Like, I know it's not "PC" to say that , but PC is why this country is in the shit. People want more, except the truth, that's why things like that're runnin' about.

That Lumpy Gravy shit's just another lazy slacker who wanted more, that's why our troops can't get him, they let the sissies let everyone down. But the prophet's gonna take 'em, he's goinna kill two birds with one stone, it's not clean, but sometimes you work with what you have. "When all you have is a hammer," amirite?

God, at least it got rid of the scum, like the homeless outside. Shame it didn't get that skitzo boy of mine, he keeps saying he's a girl, but I suppose that's not PC to-

[The interview ends abruptly as I get up to punch him in the face.]

-James Allen Henderson of Flomaton, Alabama, who should be shot.

Look, I'm just a musician, I don't know what to tell you.

Yeah, I know most of y'all think I'm crazy for making a pilgrimage to this dude for music, but I mean, it worked, didn't it?

Nobody got hurt, me and the band got out a number one album, first doom metal album on the top of the charts in years, I got a million more ideas, and...

Sorry, I got that schpiel for every media-type who comes in here. But you don't seem like the judging type. So it seems like you want something else, right?

Oh. Oh you want to know about that , the song I heard. Well, trade secret bro...

...nah, just joshin' ya, free culture and all. Well it was... a nightmare. Like, I don't regret going there, but I ain't gonna see it twice.

It's like, imagine the sound of pain, a million snuff films in your head clear as day without image or without words. A lot of it was devouring, consumption, digestion, memory as I heard it; but there was some other stuff.

It was like, experiments, reformatting, failure, revenge, something about a demiurge I think? Dunno what that's about. But, hey dude, you're a good reporter, you can figure it out.

-Jolene Gross of Tucson; Arizona, note to see her live one of these days.

Well, the government never helped us, but then again we expected that. Shame the farm's gone. Heh, funny how stockpiling all the guns in the world never helped, like cannonballs in a hurricane. The MREs helped a bit, tho they were almost gone when the thing left.

Farm's gone, I don't know where we're going to go. Doesn't help I took in some of the kids run away from other monsters, or The Prophet. Yeesh, that guy.

But, you always gotta help in a time like this, I don't regret it. Tho it's a mite harrowing finding where we can get some, given all the neighbors I'd ask are facing the same problem, but we'll get by.

I don't have much to give except my testimony, and that ain't much either. I saw it, I heard it, it was the worst thing I've seen. But it reminded me a lot of the second-worst too.

At the pig farms, big operation near town, there was this "lagoon." Not much of a swimmin' lagoon unless you got a death wish. It's where they kept all the pig shit from that hell operation, and worse. They said the stillbirths went in there too. What a way to start, and what a way to go.

Place could necrotize your skin in an instant, most of the people workin there were sick and some degree of half-dead, a few quarter-dead if they were lucky. Sometimes you couldn't see the sun from that sheer fog.

There's that ol story in the bible, where Jesus cast out those demons into that herd of pigs. Cast 'em into that sea. Trouble is, the sea's still there, and if you cast demons into it, it don't go away.

And when it waded into that shit lagoon from underground, rising like the shit of king mountain, when I heard those voices, I thought, it's him. It's Legion. He's back.

Well, before I ran, of course...

-Jim Daniels, of Horsemouth, Iowa, his paypal information is linked at the end of the article

Sometimes, I still hear her voice. It's following me. I think it's following me. I hear her voice and it's screaming in pain but I still hear it it is hers.

I know it's a trick i know it wants me to hear it but shes still in there i can hear her i can know her it just has to eat me it just wants to eat me i dont want to be eaten i want to live but to live without her is to die and to die with her is to live it hurts i can hear her i can hear her i can hear her

-Ray Morris, who ran out of the office after sobbing for several minutes

Like, I know, I know it's horrible, it's an atrocity, but like, business has been great for me so far.

Do you know how much money there is in arranging death pacts? Tontines? Insurance schemes because they won't insure an act of God? This mountain of human suffering is a goldmine, like an actual goldmine without the imperialism!

Look, I'm just providing a service to people who need it, there's no foul play. Well, except for that one guy. But he had it coming, if you were there you'd know.

-Caroline Nacross, allegedly of Brass Ring; North Dakota, though the ID was confirmed fake later

Look, okay, just forget my name, forget my face, but tell my story. This was a fuckup of the highest order. The Brightside project, it almost got results. More the results of what that bastard scientist wanted than what we wanted, but those two were closer than we wanted to admit.

But when that kid broke in, and good on him for doing so, it wasn't just Brightside that got out. We tested on a lot of bodies y'see. I can't call 'em people anymore because... well, I couldn't live with myself if I did. They didn't even look much like people anymore after what he did to 'em.

We didn't sterilize 'em or burn leftovers, we just kept 'em for "future experimentation." I don't think most of the other folks there wanted that, but whatever the boss says goes.

I think he wanted this, if he couldn't pull it off. I think if he couldn't make god, then making the locusts and plagues was good enough, in an interim.

Or, maybe it's worse. He doesn't want a devil to kill us. He wants a Leviathan. A beast of his principles of rule, human minds supplanted E Pluribus Unum, and soon, those other... monsters? Gods? I am unsure of the difference anymore

That bastard has plans upon plans, you gotta watch out for. Because I don't wanna watch anymore. Goodbye.

-[ANONYMOUS] who promptly after finishing Budd Dwyer-ed himself in the interview room. It was hell to get the brains off the wall.

WE ARE HERE. WE ARE ALIVE. WE ARE THE DEAD. WE HATE YOU. WE LOVE YOU. WE ARE HERE.

DO NOT PANIC. IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. PANIC. IT IS THE BEGINNING OF A NEW NIGHTMARE. WE ARE HERE.

WE ARE WE. WE ARE ONE. WE ARE THE OTHERS. WE ARE REBORN. WE ARE STILLBORN. YOUR DEATH WILL NOT BE IN VEIN. YOUR DEATH WILL BE IN PAIN.

THE OLD WORLD IS DYING. THE NEW WORLD IS WAITING TO BE REBORN. NOW IS THE TIME OF GODS. NOW IS THE TIME OF MONSTERS.

-Unknown individual, who promptly melted into a steaming puddle in the office. I dried the sludge and attempted to smoke it. Bad trip. Do not recommend. Saved some for later.

[INTERVIEWS CONDUCTED BY: D.W. DEVLIN]

-----------------------------

So, the finale of Kaijune comes to a close! Song name was based on "Theme from Lumpy Gravy" from Frank Zappa, and boy was this guy a nightmare to make.

Like, he was just a blob of foam with tentacles, but then the tentacles became a nightmare to make, and then melting globs of hot glue without a hot glue gun to give him a blobbier texture, then all the epoxy putty and epoxy paste, all the painting, and lugging him around...

Like, he's part of why this didn't debut in August, he was a late addition, and one I slightly regret.

Tho, I will add as a bit of bonus trivia, the inspiration for The Prophet was actually someone I know in another server talking about how various fundie-types who call themselves "prophets" on Youtube have ended up pumping a ridiculous variety of conspiracy theories into his mom's head.

For an idea of how bonkers those are, one of them was about how the increased presence of mermaids and "sea people" in media was a sign of demonic influence because demons apparently live in the deep sea.

So, I got the idea of coming up with somebody who took that to the next level and used that to amass power in times of even greater crisis than our own. hence, that fucker.

Who I do have plans for next year's Kaijune about, yes siree...

Ability Trivia: Along with all the powers of being an amorphous blob (Albeit, they can only fully squeeze themself through holes his giant skull-like "core" can fit through") they have the demonstrated power to send psychic signals to not just people in a way that drives them mad, but even disrupts communications. So nobody can hear you call for help.

They also, as you've seen assimilate the consciousnesses of those they devour, and can make what passes as "plans" as a consensus of the maddened, pained minds within. And, along with being able to electrify their amorphous surface, they can also use their body as a low-level railgun with all the derbris they inevitably swallow in the course of their rampages

And, then of course there's the matter of the "separants"...

Bonus Trivia: Most kaiju hate him and attack him on sight. Not that he minds. They'll all come to him eventually. Or they won't. Either way doesn't matter, as long as there's a head at the top of the Leviathan...

...And, in that grand (exceedingly late) Kaijune tradition, this character and all related narrative elements are under a CC-BY 4.0 license, as long as I, Thomas F Johnson, am credited as their creator.

Have fun, and see you next year! 

#my art #my writing #horror #suicide #body horror #blob monster #assimilation #kaiju #kaijune #giant monster #melting #flesh blob #sculpture #diorama #photomanipulation #kaijune 2023

[khaleesiofalicante]

Okay, this is actually a pretty funny story! Just to be clear: I'm a little bit of an idiot, so you shouldn't be surprised by any of this.

Point is... I met a guy a couple of months ago, right? Let's call him Jesse. Well, we've seen each other a couple of times but that was it, until we stumbled across each other and he asked my name and I asked his because idk why we had no clue about it lol. Well, we started seeing each other more, stoping to talk, texted each other a little bit, etc. I had no idea it was something romantic, I just thought we were becoming friends LMAO.

So, one day he told me he had an extra ticket for one of his favorite plays and he asked if I was free. I was excited for the play so I agreed (my friends didn't stop making fun of me for two weeks) Well, I went and play was totally amazing!! It was sad, beautiful and heartbreaking! The musicians and people singing were on point! The lighting, my god!! Absolutely stunning!

The point here is… I realized it was a date date, a little bit late… Call me an idiot, but I really thought it was just two friends hanging out, until I got to the teather and I saw him, and I noticed he was really nervous. And in that moment it clicked LMAO. Not to brag, but I’ve been around enough guys that got nervous around me because they like me to know when someone is nervous because of that😂

Well, play was finishing, and we were really close. And he was staring at my lips, he leaned over, and I had enough time to turn around to avoid that. But I didn’t. I also leaned a little. And he kissed me😬. It was actually my first kiss... Idk how some people out there get their first kiss at like 12-16, no shaming, but idk how they do it lol. Buuuut, the problem is… I didn't like him like that and I honestly still don't know why I didn't stop. It's not that I wasn't attracted to him, I just didn't like him romantically... But, because I am stupid, I didn’t stop🙂

Then he hugged me and I just kept repeating “fucking shit” in my head over and over. We left the theater, but I knew I had to clear that up at that moment. First I thanked him for inviting me and then, as the dumbass I am, I was just thinking “hmm, what if I try again? Would it be different?”, so I said fuck it and kissed him lmao. And that time it was really making out LMAO. We were also outside the theater, it was night and the lights were beautiful and there weren't people around (idk, maybe I just like a pretty scenario okay??)

But then I broke apart and told him I needed to clear something up, basically told him I wasn’t looking for a relationship, I didn't want to date him, or anyone, but that we could be friends, and that I wouldn’t mind kissing again (DON'T JUDGE), but we could keep it casual if he wanted. And he told me that was completely okay and he agreed with it. I asked him like a hundred times just to confirm, but he genuinely seemed to be fine with it, so I said “well, future me will worry about this later LMAO”. And I kissed him again sdjhfafghjsxkz.

So yeah. That’s it basically. Oh, and obviously no one knows. Not my family, (I fucking lost the bet with my mom but I’ll be dammed if she finds out). And I also didn’t tell my friends, except Andrew. Idk why I didn't tell Sarah or Mark, but at the same time I wanted to keep it low-key... And honestly, they would make so much fun of me😂, not in a cruel way but still, and would judge me so much!!! Especially Sarah, who finds romance to be gross lmao. I have a faint suspicion she is aroace but idk

But, because I did tell Andrew on my way back home, because I knew I wouldn’t stand keeping all of that to myself… Oh god, he hasn't stopped making fun of me and making jokes. I love him, but he is an idiot!! But I knew I could tell him and he would maybe judge me a little, but would also let me vent. We have talked about weirder shit lol

So yeah... That 's it. We have gone out a couple of more times (and kissed😂). And I never thought I'd be one for casual relationships, but I gotta admit it's kinda fun (as long as both people are okay with it!!!). This is probably going to bite me in the ass soon, but I will leave that to future me (yeah, I'm going to regret this, but fuck it :))

this was LITERALLY a movie omg I was just reading it like a novel ahhhhh.

Super proud of you for establishing very clear boundaries, being clear what about what you want and what you don't want. Even prouder of you for doing shit's because it's nice and fun.

GOOD FOR YOU, BABE. GOOD FOR YOU.

#all my babes are growing oh god #noah boo thang

[hyuckmov]

ngl i'm hoping jeno wasn't the reason reader didn't go since he just appeared so hostile with the words he was choosing whilst confroting her esp considering their convo is after hae talks to his band? obv we all knew already what he was describing about hc but if a supposed friend you've known for so long is suddenly jumbled up into a mess of undealt emotions doesn't he think scaring off reader will just put the band through more hc headache both with unprofessionalism & fucking his problems away?

+ the whole not-his-real-name thing was a low blow! it's not really a shocker a musician might not have revealed his birth name to a stranger he's fucked on multiple occassions they still haven't even gone on a date or had a proper dialog that wasn't about their entanglement

i'm curious if her not showing up without saying anything even via text was her wanting him to get the hint about just not doing everything he wants or if she wanted to break off whatever was starting between them? cause she can't possibly think that if she even accidentally makes it seem they're over that he wouldn't fuck someone else to get rid off her from his head

she has always bravely voiced out her wants without any reservations so i don't see why she should stop now

so i hope the reader's plot isn't just pretending he doesn't exist bc this reader could definitely become someone that calls him out on his bullshit in a way he respects imo there's deffo an undertone of that in the way he always lets her say what she has to say

hi reader! idk if you want me to answer your questions or if they’re more rhetorical….i will say that jeno’s motivations are for the sake of the band and in his eyes the band was doing great before reader and he wants them to go back to the way they were – a little like haechan who tried to convince himself reader is a bad habit, jeno genuinely thinks she’s bad for him based off what he sees on haechan’s end. he doesn’t actually know everything about them and he doesn’t know readers’ personality or feelings, he’s mostly making assumptions.

as for why reader didn’t show up…the possibilities are definitely not limited to the ones you’ve listed here. i like reading everyone’s guesses and speculations, but i won’t confirm or deny any of them because i definitely want part 2’s plot to be kept a surprise. i already had a trajectory for them as i was writing part 1 and i don’t think i’ll be changing it majorly because i didn’t do the set-up for it. i guess you’ll have to wait and see if you end up liking the story or not :)

#thank you for reading and theorizing ! #have some faith in me as the author ok hehe #asks #anon #fic: rockstar haechan

[absolutepokemontrash]

omg omg well now im interested in all of the kids backgrounds/families but i can't choose which to ask about... Wildcard?

I’ll do all of them how about that? Time for some DRAMA!

Once again, link to the OG post explaining everything here.

Everything’s under the read more!

Lucifer’s kid, Venus! (The OG)

(Venus goes by they/them pronouns)

Venus’ ren has already gotten screentime in the main fic, but a quick rundown of them is: They grew up in a family of magic users so they already knew plenty about demons and the Devildom, they’re a professional musician, and they’re one of the only people in the known multiverse that can calm Venus down from anything.

Venus worships their parents, their father for his reputation and power (and later his overall dad-ness) and their ren for raising them so lovingly.

But… Vee’s ren has a bit of a shifty side to them… they put on the act of ditzy dumb human, but there’s a lot more craftiness behind those eyes…

Mammon’s Kid, Ash! (There they arrrreeeee!!)

(Ash goes by They/she/he pronouns, they hoard pronouns like a gender dragon.)

Oh god bless Ash’s poor parent…

She had a wonderful week just kicking it with Mammon, and then one day they wake up, he’s gone, so is some of their stuff, and he’s left them with a baby.

…yay…

This isn’t actually entirely Mam’s fault, he got summoned back into the Devildom before he could leave any contact info, and he was just lookin’ at the watches! Honest!

But anyway, Ash’s ren wasn’t getting paid the best salary as a nurse, but they got by. They also didn’t know about the whole demon thing, and they despise Mammon for it… (but not Ash, it’s not their fault.) Being a greed demon, Ash has always had a hunger gnawing away at their gut for more, they wanted the finer things in life, but what they really truly want is for their ren to really know that they aren’t the scumbag they think their dad is. They want to put their ren in a nice house somewhere where they don’t have to worry about money ever again!

Levi’s Kid, Percy! :D

(Percy uses he/they pronouns!)

Percy’s mother met Levi at an anime con in the human world, she was dressed as Neo Queen Serenity, he was dressed as Tuxedo mask… it was so romantic… until Levi cried midway through sex because he hadn’t been given any kind of physical affection for a while

But yea, Percy’s mom is actually quite well off, she has a massive indoor pool, good for Percy because when she gave them a bath for the first time they sprouted gills and a tail, so uh… they need the swimming space.

Percy’s mother wasn’t aware of any demon-y happenings, she had a pretty normal life until she had her snake-baby. (She loves him very very much though)

Percy themselves on the other hand, they’re really happy and positive! They try and keep their mood up and not let their envy get the better of them… no matter how hard it is sometimes…

Satan’s Kid, Lyssa! 

(Lyssa goes by they/she pronouns!)

So uh… Satan fucked a married woman.

…

…*distant applause from Asmo, known marriage ruiner*

Lyssa did NOT have the best time growing up, her life SUCKED because she looked nothing like her mother, and ALL like her real biological deadbeat demon dad (alliteration, how do you like that, English teachers?!). Because she’s half WRATH DEMON, she would fly into a rage insanely often and just wreck shit. It didn’t help that she was in a constant state of stress because both of her human parents resented her appearance and existence and only stayed together and kept her around to keep up their reputation.

Lyssa actually gets summoned into the Devildom in their clothes from juvie… yeah… one of Lyssa’s rampages ended up hurting someone. She and Satan get off to a rocky start, both parties being real jerks about everything, until they finally have that cliche kind of heart to heart talk about emotions and junk.

Okay, onto Lyssa’s relationship with Venus, that shit is wholesome as hell. Lyssa was trying to scare Venus away, but Venus has crackhead determination so it didn’t work. Lyssa had a full scale “why aren’t you leaving like everyone else..?” breakdown, and after that, Venus added another blond child to their now growing list of them.

Asmo’s kid, Cecil! (My baaaaaby…)

(Cecilia goes by they/them pronouns)

(Just to be safe, I’m going to put a trigger warning up for implied emotional abuse, please don’t read the first paragraph or so if it’s going to upset you)

Cecil’s mother is as anxious and skittish as Cecil themselves, and Cecilia learned this behaviour due to the upsetting fact that not every boyfriend of their mother was as nice as Asmo was. (Not that Cecil knew Asmo before the exchange program). At the time of the exchange program beginning, this particular piece of human trash was out of the picture, but the figurative mark he left on Cecil’s life was still very much there. (I’m sure Asmo wreaked some bloody vengeance on that sumbitch)

Cee’s mom does love her baby, even if she is a little… scared of them sometimes. I can’t exactly blame her for this, imagine if your one-night stand resulted in a baby that suddenly grew wings and horns… but everything she does is to make sure she and Cecil have the best life possible. (And because I’m not completely evil, Cecil’s mom finds someone who treats her right after Cecil goes to live with Asmo).

Beel’s Twins, Cane and Pepper!

(Both twins go by they/them pronouns)

The twins 2.0 were actually raised by the sorcerer’s society. Their human parent put them up for adoption just after they were born, and the sorcerer’s society couldn’t exactly have not one, but TWO baby gluttony half-demons running around, so they took the two in.

They both didn’t exactly have a concrete caretaker, they really only had teachers and other magic users who would pop in to act as parent figures. Oh well at least they had each other!

Just a refresher, Pepper is a capybara, Cane is a fucking honey badger on crack cocaine. They’re also identical, so it’s very hard to tell them apart… fuck with the wrong twin and you’re free trial of life will expire.

Funny story, Lucifer once strung up the wrong twin, and since Pepper’s so chill, they just hung their without issue for the whole night.

Belphie’s kid, Arien!

(Arien goes by he/they pronouns)

I went into it in this ask, but I’ll add a bit more flavour.

Arien’s mom was a well respected witch, and uh… okay, fuck, have another trigger warning for doing the deed under the influence of alcohol, because there is no way in hell she would have survived the encounter if Belphie wasn’t wasted.

Overall, Arien’s mom just didn’t care about Arien as a separate person, more like a prize. The only Half Human spawn of the Avatar of Sloth was her achievement, not her kid… unless the title of mother suited her in the moment. Yeah… she’s not a good lady…

#obey me #obey me! #obey me! shall we date? #obey me shall we date #obey me mc #obey me mammon #obey me asmodeus #obey me lucifer #obey me Satan #Obey me Beelzebub #Obey me Belphegor #Obey me Leviathan #Obey me fankids #Obey me fankid #The brat brigade #asks #ask #anon

[celestialrry]

I wish you would write a fic where...

the main character is the daughter of a really important producer harry is working with and he has a major crush on her but 1) he doesn’t want her dad to feel like he’s taking advantage of her 2) she has a rule of not dating musicians

too young

OOOOOOHHHHHH

HIIII GUYS..... i started school again and honestly for the longest time i've had no inspiration to write but then i got this ask!!! (thank you for your patience anon ily) and was like i love this prompt but then i wrote the first part and had no idea how to continue it,,, but I finally finished it!! ε(♡'-')з (this is me giving you all my love and affection for sticking with me) 

(NOT EDITED)

2k

warnings: alcohol consumption

Harry was in a dilemma.

Usually, he could sweep all his issues under the rug, save them for another day, but this one... he couldn't do that. Not because he didn't want to, but because this problem was more than just a dust bunny on his hardwood floor.

Y/N was the problem.

Or to be more precise, his feelings for Y/N were the problem.

Harry had confidence when it came to his crushes. He was smooth, flirty, and snagged almost every single person he's caught feelings for.

But not Y/N.

No, she was almost unreachable, for quite a few reasons.

One, the only reason he knew her, met her, was through a producer he had been working with the past few months. Arlo was massive in the industry and Harry was flattered when Arlo approached him with interest in collaborating. And only a month into working together, he met Y/N.

Harry's head snapped towards the door that had just burst open, a girl barging into the studio that he had never seen before. She was gorgeous, he had to admit, but he couldn't ignore her blatant disrespect for coming in and making a scene while he, Arlo, and a few of his bandmates were working annoyed him to no end.

"Dad! Oh my god, you will not believe what just happened, I was on my way over here and I fucking bumped into Zach," The girl began ranting, approaching Arlo and huffing as she stood next to Arlo's chair. "Of all fucking people I could see just walking down the street, it had to be him. The world is against me today I swear. Anyways, I brought that drum pad you wanted."

She dug into her big brown bag that was slung over her shoulder and pulled out the music board, placing it on the table in front of Arlo.

"Where'd you see him, Y/N? We're about to go on break and I can leave and go kick his ass in," Arlo checked his watch. "7 minutes."

Y/N, Harry now knew her as, sighed and crossed her arms. "He's long gone by now, think he shit his pants when he saw me walking near him."

"Atta girl, thanks for bringing my board too," Arlo smiled up at her from his chair. He then turned to see Harry, and Mitch staring at the two of them. "Oh sorry guys, this is my daughter, Y/N. Y/N, this is Harry and Mitch."

She turned to look at them and smiled wide. "Nice to meet you!"

"You too." They both said in unison, looking at each other with a smile, before focusing back on Y/N.

"We'll be done soon, if you wanna go out and get lunch." Arlo said, turning back to his daughter.

"Sounds good, just text me," Y/N replied, giving him a smile before turning back to the boys. "Nice meeting you guys, again."

And before they could even respond she was gone.

Two, Y/N was younger than him. 6 years younger to be exact. It didn't seem like much, but when put into perspective, she was 21, only just being legally allowed to drink in the States, and Harry was 27. Practically 30, if you ask him, and he was positive Arlo would have his head if he found out Harry liked his daughter. 

And three, she doesn't date the people her dad works with. 

He had found this out one night when he, Arlo, Y/N, Mitch, and a couple other writers were hanging out at the studio, drinking some wine (she had even exclaimed that this would be her first time drinking red, and Harry was yet again reminded of her age) and chatting after a long day of working. 

Harry and Mitch were laughing with Arlo about the first time they met Y/N, and her comments about this “Zach” guy. 

“He’s my ex, and had worked with my dad on one shitty song that never got far because he’s just so-- music is just not his thing, to put it nicely. But he was an absolute asshole and after him I made rule to never date anyone Dad works with. It would just go terribly.” She explained, letting Arlo take a few more jabs at the guy before stopping him.

So yeah, Harry was in a dilemma. 

In all the time he’d known Y/N, he just kept falling for her. She was kind, funny, beautiful, lit up any room she walked into, and treated Harry like fine porcelain. 

She was just fucking perfect. 

｡:°ஐ

Y/N had probably been in a lot of worse positions than the predicament she was in now.

For example, that time her dad walked in on her and her ex making out in the studio, or her 21st birthday when she got completely wasted and almost got into the wrong car instead of her uber, and the next day found out that the man driving that car was actually a convicted criminal.

So there’s worse things that could happen than her liking Harry.

But it doesn't mean it wasn’t bad.

The thing is, Y/N didn’t fall for anyone easily. Her one and only ex Zach treated her like a queen until he could officially claim her as his. The flowers he gave her before every date remained at the shop and the consistent compliments turned into insults and muttered claims of discontentment. 

Hence why he was her ex. It took Y/N quite a long time to work up the courage to end things with him. He was her first kiss, first time, and first boyfriend. She was yet to find her first love, she never really loved Zach. The way he used to treat her in the beginning, she thinks she loved, but him? No, she would never call him her first love. 

So when Y/N’s time crush on Harry began to develop into real feelings in such a short span of time, it terrified her. She had really never felt this way about someone before; butterflies would erupt in her stomach every time he shot her a smile and her mind would erupt into pure chaos when his body brushed up against her own. 

So yeah, it could be worse, but it certainly wasn't good.

｡:°ஐ

Y/N enjoyed spending time at the studio with her dad, and surprisingly, spending time with her dad’s “co-workers”. Even though she didn't usually hang out with the pop stars and spent time mostly with the backing band/producers (they were usually 50 year old men, but they were pretty nice) she enjoyed herself fully, having lunch breaks and talking about where their children when to school and whatnot. 

Sometimes though, every blue moon, Y/N would hang out with a super star her dad was working with. Usually when most stars are at the studio all they did was record, which was understandable, but she never had the chance to meet a lot of them.

With Harry though, everything was different. It wasn’t just lunches at the studio, or dinner at someone’s house, no, tonight they were going out to a bar. 

It was completely unexpected too, they had just wrapped up a song, and Harry, being in a particularly good mood had yelled out about going to a bar to celebrate. Of course, Y/N ignored his shout, knowing she wasn’t invited, and after Arlo had said something about “not being able to party as much as I used to”, she gave her dad a hug good night and waved a little goodbye to the band. 

“Wait!” Harry had exclaimed, chasing after her in the hallway. “Where are y’going?”

Y/N’s eyes widened and she looked behind her before looking back at Harry. “I was just gonna head back home.”

Harry’s head tilted, and looked at her questionably. “Y’not comin’ to the bar with us?” He practically pouted.

Her brows shot up in surprise. “Oh! I- yeah I’ll go out with you guys.”

Which lead her here, decently tipsy, and sitting in a booth between Harry and Sarah, laughing at a story Adam had been telling. Every now and then she would glance over to Harry just to find his gaze already on her.

Her heart fluttered every time, and if Harry’s cheeks weren’t already flushed from the alcohol, Y/N would have noticed him blush every time they locked eyes as well. 

“M’gonna get another drink, does anyone want anything?” Y/N piped up, a resounding chorus of “no, thank you’s” answering her question. Except for Harry who spoke softly, “A beer? Go ahead and put it on my tab.”

She shook her head at him as he stood up to let her out of the maroon leather booth. “Can’t make you pay for that, I offered.” She said, standing to lock eyes with him yet again. 

“Nope,” He grinned. “You can, and you will.”

“But-”

“No buts.” He chuckled, giving her a dimpled smile.

Accepting her defeat she nodded and squeezed his arm with a murmured “Thank you.” before making her way to the bar.

Harry sat back down again, eyes trailing her figure as she walked away before looking back at the table to be met with knowing eyes. 

“What is it?” He asked, glancing around at everyone.

“You’re whipped, mate.” Charlotte grinned, everyone else nodding in agreement.

“What?! I am not.” Harry pouted, eyes flicking over to Y/N, who was making her way to the table, one drink in each hand, before back to everyone else. 

“She’s really sweet H, you should go for it.” Mitch said.

Harry shook his head, eyes now on Mitch. “I’m not interested in her like that, she’s way too young for me, anyways.”

Just then did he hear the soft hit of his beer and her cosmo land on the table. His gaze trailed up her hands to see Y/N’s shattered face. “Here.” She practically whispered to him.

“I just remembered I have an early class tomorrow, so I should go, but thank you guys for inviting me out.” Y/N explained in lighting speed as she leaned over Harry to grab her purse and toss is over her shoulder. 

Words of confusion were tossed around the table but she was already booking it out of there, leaving Harry just as devastated as she was.

“I think she heard you, H.” Sarah said, frowning. 

Harry let out a muttered “Fuck!” before taking out large bills from his wallet and tossing it on the table. “For my tab, m’sorry, I gotta go.” And he left just as fast as Y/N did, weaving through the tables and people before bursting out the door to see her standing on the street, arm wrapped around her waist and another holding her phone.

“Y/N!”

Her head whipped around to see Harry bustling towards her and she quickly wiped her eye as he approached.

“Wait, don't go,” He said, struggling to find the words. “We all want you to stay, I want you to stay.”

“I have to get to class Harry, plus, I’m too young to be staying out this late anyways.” She grimaced at her own words. 

He sighed, eyes flickering from her own to her lips then back again. “I-fuck, you know I didn’t mean it like that.”

This time, she fully turned to face him, brows knitted in distress. “Then how did you mean it? Because honestly I don’t think there is another way to mean it.”

This was his only chance, Harry knew it. 

“I just, I tried for so long to tell myself it was wrong to feel this way about you because you’re so much younger than me, and m’pretty sure your father would have my head if he knew but m’fucking infatuated with you, Y/N. M’so sorry I said that earlier, age is my only excuse for not asking you out and it’s not a good enough excuse anymore.”

With this her mouth was gaped like a fish, and her face was akin to a deer caught in headlights. In a flash her arms were wrapped around his neck and he was holding her waist, reveling in her touch. 

“Oh, Harry,” She pulled away. “I really like you too.” And with that she pressed a swift kiss to his cheek, leaving him a blushing mess. 

“Good, thats... thats good.” He stammered.

“So,” she nudged his arm. “Y’gonna ask me out now?”

#wow this was so rushed #not long at all either #but the first part had been sitting in my drafts for months #so here ya go #Harry Styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

I’m sorry, but can I just go on a little rant about the Louis, clouis, and the Clem comic...? 

I didn’t really talk about Louis in my overall review of the comic because I wanted that to be more contained to the content shown on the pages, Clementine’s relationship with AJ, and her as a character.... but the more I think about these comics and Louis, the more frustrated I become thinking about what Clementine abandoning everyone would do to him. 

[... okay it’s not little anymore since I guess I can never just do anything simple when it comes to Louis, sorry my bad]

So, no surprise, we all know the comic’s bullshit by now. Clementine leaving everything and everyone behind because she’s not happy is dumb, AJ just letting her go is dumb, and Clem going to the mountains on crutches and a peg leg to find this so-called happiness is dumb. 

Now that we’ve established it’s dumb, I wanna talk about Louis because I got a lot of built up feelings about how bullshit this storyline is with how Clementine would not only abandon AJ, but also abandon Louis. 

Because let me tell you..... his heart would be broken beyond repair and I need to talk about why.

Sigh.... so.... muh boy. 

Before he met Clementine, Louis was this laidback, irresponsible, but caring and musical person who kept his head down to avoid conflict and never looked at the future. He was the kind of person who took things one day at a time, saw survival as a day-to-day task, and said that the future doesn’t exist, there’s only today. You get the point, he was never too concerned with things because they always seemed to work out, and if they didn’t, then that sucks and that’s why we should appreciate every day while we have it. 

Louis is shown to be charismatic and friendly, he spends his free time playing piano and card games, but no one really takes him seriously. Not even Marlon, his best friend for 8+ years. While he doesn’t seem to be on bad terms with anyone [including Aasim, they just act like people who disagree with the other’s point of view and have had the same argument many times, but that doesn’t mean they hate each other, y’know?] he also doesn’t appear super close with anyone outside of Marlon and possibly Violet, but even then. 

Marlon’s shown to have little faith in him with the way he talks about if Louis will even show up to hunt. He has a controlling grip on Louis that’s prominent during the confrontation scene when he uses intimidation to try to convince Louis to not interfere. Oh, and there’s the fact that Marlon’s been lying to Louis for the past year about the twins and then continued to lie to his face about what really happened to Brody... which isn’t great when you consider how Louis was the only one who had blind faith in him as a leader and, according to Marlon, was the only one who couldn’t see how pathetic he always was. 

Violet, while having a few more nicer moments with him than Marlon, still invalidates him and his feelings several times throughout the first half of the game which makes me wonder how close they ever were, or at least if Violet ever considered him a close friend to begin with. And no, a small monologue in the dorms doesn’t make everything better or confirm they were brotp the whole time... especially when once they’re on the boat, Louis might as well not exist because Violet can’t be bothered to acknowledge what happened to him or inquire about how he’s doing. I guess she just didn’t have time react while standing in her cell for several unbothered minutes-- no wait, it’s she already reacted off screen. Right. Good writing is good.

What I’m getting at here is that even though Louis is surrounded by people who he genuinely cares about, there is an argument to be made that he’s a lonely person. Hell, he’s aware of his loneliness when he says that no one hears past his music and jokes. I mean, how many nights do you think he spent by himself playing the piano because no one wanted to hear it? Are they like Violet and crack jokes about how he doesn’t have actual talent? Probably, given that someone literally carved “you suck at playing” onto the side of the damn piano. 

Oh, and let’s touch on that backstory of his. Louis grew up wealthy with two parents who loved him and each other, and they gave him anything he wanted except singing lessons. Louis says he wanted to be a real musician. But I guess his father didn’t like that idea and told him no, with the [as Louis puts it] dumb dad lesson of, “You get to be happy, or you get to be rich, can’t be both.” ...which is interesting given that Louis and his family were stupid rich but also.... were they not happy? well, that doesn’t make sense because little Louis knew that if he broke up their marriage, they would be hurt. 

So yeah, Louis was so upset that his father continually refused to let him take singing lessons that he broke into the man’s credit cards and faked an affair, which led to his parents divorcing... and then he spit his father’s words back in his face. 

Then they dumped him at Ericson. And the walkers came. 

There’s so much to unpack from the story he tells that it could be it’s own analysis, but basically.... Louis is aware of why what he did was fucked up, and he carries it with him every day. 

He regrets what he did, chews himself out for being such a “vindictive fuckhead” [and the amount of force used in that line tells you a lot, like how it’s not the first time he’s chastised himself like this] and he admits that he doesn’t even know the person he’s talking about. Yet, he still sees himself as bad, saying that they [I assume the staff] told him and the other kids they’re bad people. I don’t doubt that Louis internalized that which played a huge role in the confidence and self-esteem issues he has during tfs. 

Anyway, I’ll come back to this later, but when you take that amount of guilt and regret, and mix it with the fact that they dropped him off at this school that was supposed to make him better.... then the walkers came and those teachers, staff, and headmaster? Gone. Left a bunch of kids to fend for themselves, with the exception of Ms. Martin [but given how she looks when we find her I doubt she lasted that long] and I cannot imagine how horrifying that was for all of them. The dead are up eating people, and if you die you become one of them... and the people you thought you could rely on just fucking left you to die at this school. 

Every kid in that school has trauma and abandonment issues from before and after the world went to shit, every last one, and Louis isn’t the exception here. Over the years, a lot of kids died and they’ve all seen horrible shit. They all knew they were never going to see their families again, and as far as we know, no one came to get their kids at the beginning. They had to find ways of coping while trying to survive, and all they had left was each other. 

Louis copes with music and games and jokes. He’s built up this persona where it seems like he’s unaffected by the comments the others make, that the death and suffering he’s gone through is in the past, that he is confident and open to those around him.

But then Clementine and AJ show up, and Louis grows close with both of them. They had immediate chemistry upon first meeting, he was the one who looked after AJ since it seems like everyone else saw him as a little terror, and he went out of his way to be kind and make them comfortable. 

When they go hunting with him, Louis and Clementine have a moment after taking care of the walker where they lower their guards a bit-- Louis gives her more in-depth reasons for his views of survival, and going off her expression, it gets to her and makes her think.... but they’ve know each other a day and he’s not quick to infodump his life story or let her in, so he cuts the conversation short.

Then we have the Marlon confrontation scene that I have gone over so many times in the past. I won’t dillydally with it too long but..... Clementine appeals to Louis, who curls in on himself because of the control Marlon has on him. He wants to help, and hell, he knows this is wrong but he’s so used to not getting involved that he gets defensive.... plus, he’s known Clementine for two days, and he’s known Marlon for 8+ years.... he wants to believe Marlon but you can tell he doesn’t want this, either. It takes Clementine talking to him to give him courage to stand between her and Marlon’s gun and it’s a lot.

AJ shoots Marlon and everything goes to shit, and Louis is a goddamn mess. His best friend was murderer right in front of him, so add that to the trauma list, and he’s overwhelmed with all these feelings that again.... they keep getting invalidated by Violet because “Marlon was a liar and murderer, therefore you shouldn’t feel bad about his death. Get over yourself, Louis, you can be such a shithead sometimes.” 

Oh yeah Vi, I guess he should care more about two people he’s known for a total of two days rather than for the safety of the people [including you] he’s grown up with and cared about for 8+ years.... makes sense. 

So yeah, little to no support during this time. Alone again. 

And just because I have to make this clear so no one gets a hair up their ass-- both Louis and Violet are wrong here. Kicking them out isn’t the solution, but neither is acting like AJ was right to commit murder just because it was Marlon.

 But plots gotta plot, so they get voted out and you can see that Louis is conflicted about the whole thing. He wants them gone, but at the same time, he knows what kicking them out means. You can see it on his face that he’s not okay with kicking them out. He’s hurting when he’s there in the dorms telling them how the vote went... he literally doesn’t know what else to do. He just knows that everything hurts, Clem and AJ caused it, and he wants the pain to stop. He even tries to justify it to himself by figuring that they’ve done this before so they’ll be fine. Not a great thing to say, Lou. 

Anyway, we know the story, Clem and AJ come back and Louis once again sees the consequences of acting out of pain.... AJ is shot because Louis was hurt and he made a bad decision that he’s gotta live with.... something that he’s done before, and this affirms to him that he’s bad. He wishes he could take it back, and goes as far as to admit that to Clementine during the archery scene. 

By the way, credit to him for his apology to her. It’s rare in these games that Clem gets a genuine apology from someone who hurt her and doesn’t turn around to repeat the hurtful behavior, y’know? Plus, I can think of plenty of characters who owed Clem an apology in the past or if they did apologize, it was half-assed. 

You can feel how conflicted he is with this whole thing-- learning who Marlon really was and what he did, feeling something for Clementine before everything went down and not knowing how to handle those feelings afterward, caring about AJ and understanding why he thought shooting was the best choice but still hurting that his friend is dead.... 

And the thing is.... Louis forgives her for so much, as she does him, and through all of that bullshit, they manage to develop that strong connection that turns romantic. Louis lets himself be fully vulnerable with her and is honest about his feelings, how she listened when no one else did and seeing him for more than just the persona he put on. 

This works on Clementine’s side, too. Clementine has been through her own fair share of bullshit-- trauma, abandonment, loss, injury, you name it. She’s made mistakes, done terrible things, and has been in enough groups to know that romance usually ends in heartbreak.... and yet, she’s willing to open herself up to Louis and admit she feels a lot for him. 

Is it a little rushed? Yep. Could it have been handled better? Of course, most things this season could’ve, but what we got was pretty good. 

So Clementine and Louis are romantically involved now, the raiders attack, and she saves him... and boy does Louis feel guilty about that one, too. He feels bad enough that he questions why she would pick him because he can’t fathom his life being worth saving over another’s. He doesn’t see himself as useful, and even though Clementine is literally his girlfriend at this point, his self-esteem is so all over the place that he can’t understand why she would have him at her side. 

And when Clementine tells him that he’s too important to her, he’s too baffled to even give a response. He looks at her in disbelief like he wasn’t expecting her to say that.  But this shows that at the beginning of their relationship, he still doubts himself, and through her working with him, he begins to build up that strength in himself. 

He becomes brave enough to share what got him sent to the school with her, and he plays Don’t Be Afraid for everyone at the party and like.... for once, everyone is listening to him. Really listening to him. They’re not talking shit about his musical skills, they’re not ignoring him or the feelings he’s putting into the song, they’re sitting there with him and I just..... if you watch him, you can see that his eyes get pretty glossy throughout the song. The moment meant something to everyone. 

There’s also the fact that Clementine asked him to come with her and AJ onto the boat, and to be the one in charge of the bomb... that’s a huge responsibly and he feels the pressure of that. He starts to panic a bit about if he can do it, because what if he fucks up? What if he gets them caught and makes everything worse? What if something happens to Clementine and he can’t do anything about it? 

She’s there to reassure him that she believes in him, and that he can do this. They’re going to get everyone back, and he needs to focus... then he asks her to slap him which why would you? that’s dumb, so Clementine smooches him instead and like.... he physically relaxes into her because he’s comfortable and trusts her in this situation. 

Also, he loves her and cares about this mission enough to cover himself and his fancy jacket in walker guts.... sure, he complains while doing so but how else is he gonna cope with rubbing rotten guts on himself to blend in with a herd of walkers? 

Skipping ahead so that we’re not here all day, I wanna talk about the walk back to the school because it’s one of the most important clouis moments in the game and a huge reason that solidifies why the comic is bullshit.

Louis went off on his own to go out and find them. He didn’t know where they would be, he just knew that he had to go out and find them after making sure everyone was okay back at the school because he couldn’t bare the thought that he had lost them. And the way the AJ gets so excited to see him? and the group hug??

At this point, Louis has grown so much as a character. With Clementine by his side to support him, he’s grown stronger and more reliable. Remember how he never thought about the future? Well, now he is because his relationship with Clementine has given him a reason to long for a future. He talks about building this imaginary house with her, one he knows they can’t physically build... but it’s his way of saying we can build a home together, that he wants a future with her and AJ and everyone else. It’s such a personal conversation that flows so easy between them. Louis is more comfortable talking to her about things from his past, which is something he didn’t want to do back in ep1. 

He confides in her how he’s feeling after he shot and killed Dorian, he tells her that having a home means protecting it and I just.... it’s so good, okay? And from Clementine’s side, you can feel how at ease she is with him, too. Just the way she smiles at him as they’re walking? like he’s the cutest thing and she’s so happy to have him with her? 

But then we gotta deal with Minerva’s crazy ass on the bridge and well, AJ shoots Tenn and Louis is having flashbacks to Marlon and it’s not great. That’s a whole thing, and he ends up separated from them while escaping.

We don’t get to see Louis’ reaction to Clementine getting bit and losing her leg since I guess that puts a damper on the overly happy ending. But, going off of what we know about him and what I’ve explained [which isn’t even all of it, this isn’t a full Louis character analysis. if it was, it would be much longer and in multiple parts... believe it or not, I’m trying to not make this too long and only sorta failing...] we can get an idea of how he would react. 

Um, to say he was upset is an understatement.

Because remember, he had no time to think and climbed over the fence, thinking he could get them to climb over and they could get away, but it didn’t work. He ended up leaving them in order to save himself since walkers were closing in on him.

But you know that he’d blame himself for the bite. A lot of, “if I had just stayed” and “I should’ve climbed back over, I should’ve stayed with you.” I’m sure there were points where it looked like Clem wouldn’t make it and I can’t imagine how much hurt he went through watching her suffer and heal from losing a leg like that. 

Not only that, but knowing that AJ was the one to do it? And him thinking about what Clem’s death would do to AJ after all this? There isn’t a doubt in my mind that Louis would take care of AJ if she died. He cares about AJ, and he loves Clementine, so he be there for both of them, even if he’s still hurting from Tenn’s death. 

However, Clementine didn’t die. She survived the bite and amputation, and when we flashforward, she and Louis are still happily together. Louis is right there next to her at dinner, and he’s the one to help her with her crutches. He’s there to go over future plans to meet the traveling caravan, and Clementine wants him to be the one to go. 

Oh, and Louis once again forgives AJ for shooting Tenn, claiming that he understands that AJ saw something that he couldn’t. Like with Marlon, he’s not happy Tenn’s dead but he can see why AJ did it to save his life. 

I just..... happy ending. Clementine and Louis are together and she’s truly happy to have found a home for her and AJ with him at Ericson. 

....But then the comic thought it would be fun to say “nah.” 

The comic isn’t canon, I’m still insulted that it would ever consider itself as such, but even so I can’t help but feel so frustrated about how this would destroy Louis. 

He finally found someone he would consider his best friend, not just his girlfriend. She saw past that funny man persona and he trusted her enough to let her past this wall he built around himself. He let himself become vulnerable around her, he named his song after her. Their initials are carved into his piano with a heart surrounding them. He loved her. 

Clementine left him feeling loved, something he probably hasn’t truly felt since he was a little boy with his parents before their divorce. She loved him even after hearing his past because she knew that wasn’t him anymore, and she helped him build the confidence he needed to step up. Because of Clementine, Louis wants to enjoy every day while also looking at the future. He isn’t lonely anymore, he has her and AJ. He’s truly happy.

So to tell me that Louis would wake up one morning only to have AJ tell him that Clementine’s gone, she’ been planning an escape without telling anyone because she wasn’t happy...? I’m sorry, but if you think that wouldn’t leave Louis absolutely devastated, then you know nothing about him as a character. 

This idea is just.... look, Louis is perceptive. That’s a big part of his character, he’s perceptive of those around him. If Clementine was showing signs of being unhappy or depression, he would see it. He would notice a change. He would be able to tell if something was off, and he would ask her about it. Louis is the type of person to ask you what you need. What can he do to help? What do you need to feel better? And if you don’t know, it’s okay, he’ll help you figure it out in any way possible. 

Plus, the comic suggests that there are times where she went off on her own but came back [probably doing her escape prep ugh] and you expect me to believe that Louis wouldn’t notice that or wonder what she’s doing? Wouldn’t sense that something’s going on? 

After she’s gone, he’s going to blame himself for not being enough. He couldn’t make her happy and he was a fool to think he ever could. AJ lost the only family he’s known since he was born because Louis couldn’t help her, couldn’t do anything to stop her from leaving. 

And for him to realize that she didn’t love him? Clementine, the girl he thought the world of because of how strong and confident and in-charge she was, because she saw him for who he was..... she left him, abandoned him... and she couldn’t even be bothered with a goodbye.... that says that she didn’t care all that much about him in the end.

You KNOW that he would think he had this coming, too. How could the universe allow him to fall in love and be happy with someone who loved him back after what he did to his parents? He would feel so heartbroken that he would see this as some sort of karma for breaking up his parents happy marriage as a kid years before he ever met Clementine and before the apocalypse.

I fucking can’t.... I don’t have the words to fully explain how much I hate this. Louis wouldn’t be okay afterward, and I doubt he’d ever fully recover. I wasn’t joking when I mentioned before that Louis would stop playing piano. How could he sit there and play when I he can see is their initials and remember the night she confessed to him? When he named his song after her? Clementine left and took the music with her because Louis wouldn’t have it in him... something that he used to cope would be ruined and that’s just.... it’s fucking awful. 

Not only that, but now he has AJ who I assume is hurting just as much [though the comics inaccurately assume he would just let Clem go sooo... yeah] and he would be the only one Louis would really talk to about it, but then again.... what if AJ doesn’t wanna talk about it? What if AJ starts to act out and things just become terrible and Louis is just too overwhelmed? 

I just.... UGH. That’s how I feel. UGH. 

Clementine from the comic? Not her. She would never fucking do this to Louis, AJ, or anyone else at Ericson, and you would know that if you played the tfs. 

Sigh.... sorry, I just needed to get this all out. I haven’t seen anyone talk about how Clem leaving would affect Louis and I’ve gotten some asks/come across some posts about Louis that have left me incredibly annoyed.... well, I was annoyed before because of the comics, so my annoyances with those things were only heightened. So yeah... I wanted to talk about Louis’ character in hopes of explaining why he would be so hurt if this comic was canon. 

Which it’s not. So it’s fine. 

How are we all feelin’ at this point, by the way? I know I’m not the only one still annoyed with the comic, so I hope y’all are doin’ okay. Hope you’re stayin’ chill and thinking about your faves to help cope with this mess hahaha

#twdg louis #twdg clementine #twdg clouis #twdg aj #twdg marlon #twdg violet #clouis #twdg #sometimes i just need to talk about louis okay #one day i'll do a full character analysis that goes over everything #but today isn't that day #long post

[star--anon]

3 Times Wilbur Was A Lee + No That's It, That's The Post

Heyyyyyyy~! I left Tumblr for a little while, but don't worry! I'm back! And I've finally written the prompt that was sent to me over 2 months ago! Yay!

"Listen, I'm sorry, alright?" Tommy huffed out, resting his head on Wilbur's shoulder. "I didn't mean to! Honest! You're just being a big bitch about it!"

Wilbur didn't say anything back. He simply stared at the front door, waiting for Phil to come home with his fixed sweater.

While watching Tommy parade around the house in Wilbur's favorite orange sweater was, to some degree, amusing, it was not amusing when Tommy ripped the soft fabric. And although Phil had gone to get the sweater fixed, Wilbur was still incredibly upset with the seventeen-year-old idiot. He stuck a Post-It on Tommy's forehead with the words, "I am an idiot and Wilbur Soot does not talk to idiots," scrawled on the yellow paper in messy handwriting. He then resigned himself to the couch and waited for Phil to come home, ignoring Tommy's attempts at getting his attention.

It seemed like Tommy wasn't exactly on board with his idea, judging by the way he plopped himself next to Wilbur and began poking his shoulder, repeating, "...Answer me, answer me, answer me, answer me, answer me, answer me..."

It took every fiber of Wilbur's being to not whack Tommy on the back of his empty little head.

"...Answer me, answer me, answer me, answer me..."

The words, "Shut it", weighed heavily on Wilbur's tongue, and it took a massive effort to not let it slip from his lips. He had told himself that he would not talk to Tommy, and he was going to keep that promise.

"...Answer me, answer me, answer me, not gonna stop until you answer me, answer me, answer me..."

Gradually, as Wilbur remained unresponsive, Tommy's poking became quicker and more aggressive until he missed his mark. Instead of poking Wilbur's shoulder, he ended up poking his ribs. The older started and swallowed a squeak of surprise. He hoped that Tommy hadn't noticed, but that hope quickly sank when he saw him grin widely.

"I saw that jump, don't try and hide," said Tommy, poking his ribs again. As impassively as he could, Wilbur reached out and grabbed Tommy's wrists tightly. He never spoke a word and kept his eyes on the front door. He was trying to ignore the kid, after all. He squeezed Tommy's wrists and let go, hoping that the boy had gotten the message.

Don't poke me, he silently said.

Unfortunately, Tommy was never good at listening. The moment his hands were free, he immediately returned to poking at Wilbur's ribs, this time with renewed energy.

"Ahaha-!"

Wilbur cracked.

He dropped the ignoring act and squirmed away from Tommy. In his desperation, he made the mistake of falling off the couch and onto the ground, allowing Tommy to sit on top of him and poke him more.

"G-Gehehet ahahaway!"

"I knew it! I knew you were just ignoring me!"

"Tohohommy, gehehet ohoff!"

"Nah. I'm having a lot of fun."

"T-Tohohommy, Ihi'm seheherious!" Wilbur tried to flip over to throw Tommy off him, but he quickly abandoned the attempt when Tommy dug between his shoulder blades. "Juhuhust gehehet ohohoff! Plehehease!"

Although Wilbur's thin shirt was doing nothing to protect him from Tommy's poking, the blonde still decided to take it up a notch. He slipped a hand underneath the shirt and rapidly squeezed his ribcage. Wilbur just about shrieked, frantically and jerkily pushing at Tommy's chest. His arms flailed around; Wilbur was stuck between trying to push Tommy off him or covering up his red face to preserve what little dignity he could save. The younger grinned widely, easily grabbing Wilbur's hands and pinning them down high above his head.

"TOHOHOMMY, WAHAHAIT! I-IHI CAHAHAN'T BREHEHEATHE!" Wilbur was bluffing and Tommy knew it.

"Calm down, you're breathing just fine."

"GEHEHET OHOHOFF!"

"Awww, is this a bad spot?" Tommy made an exaggerated sad face. "This is a bad spot for you, huh? Your ribs are ticklish? Is that what this is? Hm?"

Wilbur whined at the teasing, turning a deep shade of red.

"TOHOHOMMY!" he complained. The squeezing and pokes to his ribs made it difficult to think, so he couldn't get out much more. Given the opportunity, he might have been able to formulate a proper and cohesive argument and rationalization to persuade Tommy into halting his petty actions.

He wasn't given the opportunity.

The laughing on his behalf and the tickling on Tommy's seemed to weaken Wilbur because he was finding it incredibly hard to do anything but lie there and take it. Take the digging nails between his ribs, the occasional raspberry on his ribs, the random squeezes and pokes and prods and wiggles and skitters and rubs on the bones and gently scratching...

"TOHOHOMMY! PLEHEHEASE, YOUHU'RE GOHOHOING TO KIHILL ME!"

"Calm down," scoffed Tommy. "I'm not going to kill you."

Still, he relented and stopped his attack, letting Wilbur (finally) take a breather.

"Are you okay?"

"Y-Yeheheah..."

"Cool."

"Cahahan youhu get ohohoff mehe?"

Tommy blinked. This was the first time in memory that Wilbur had asked for something — and politely too.

"Hm..." For a moment, Tommy considered it. Wilbur hadn't flipped him over and taken brutal revenge yet. He had asked nicely to be let up. It looked like he was sorry for ignoring Tommy. Well, then again, it only looked like he was sorry.

"Maybe if you apologize for ignoring," offered Tommy, "I'll let you up."

Wilbur glared at him. It was obvious he was trying to gain authority and control of the situation by activating his Big-Brother mode, but it was less effective when he was at Tommy's mercy.

"Fuhuhuck youhu," Wilbur snapped. "Let me up."

Tommy just shrugged. "Your funeral," he said, scribbling his fingers over Wilbur's ribs. The brunet screeched in laughter and immediately gave in.

"OHOHOKAY! OHOKAY IHI'M SOHOHORRY! SOHOHOHORRY!"

Huh. Well, that had worked out better than expected. Tommy made a mental note about Wilbur's ribs. What? It was valuable potential blackmail for later!

"Very sorry?"

"YEHES! V-VEHEHERY SOHOHORRY!"

"And you promise that you'll never ignore me ever again?"

"YOUHU SUHUHUCK!" Wilbur whined through his laughter.

"I don't hear you saying it~"

"NOHOT SAHAHAYING SHIHIT!"

"Don't think you have a choice here, Wil," Tommy murmured. Once more, he switched tactics, going from dancing his fingers around to digging in between each of Wilbur's ribs. Every once in a while, he'd blow a raspberry and smugly grin when he heard Wil shriek. "I think you better say it."

"IHIHI PROHOHOMISE IHI'LL-" Wilbur broke off with a high-pitched squeal as Tommy blew a raspberry on a particularly ticklish rib. "AHAHA-! NOHOHOT THEHEHERE!"

"Go on," coaxed Tommy. "Say "I'll never ignore you again, Tommy", and I'll let you up."

"DA-DAHAHAMN YOUHU!

"Say it!"

"IHIH'LL NEHEVER IGNORE YOUHU AHAHAGAIN, TO-TOHOHOMMY!" Wilbur managed to babble out.

Finally, finally, Tommy stopped. This time, with no intention of starting up again. "Really?"

"Yehes," Wilbur breathily replied. His chest rose and fell as he greedily sucked in some much-needed air. "I forgive you, okay? I'll stop ignoring. I don't think you're an idiot. I don't care about my sweater." At first, Tommy thought he was just saying it so Tommy wouldn't tickle him again. But that thought quickly left when Wilbur reluctantly grumbled out, "I love you. And I'm sorry."

"Awww! Thank you!"

"Now get the fuck off of me."

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ*

"Y'know, Tommy had a lot of fun telling me about his own tickling story with you," Philza helpfully informed, shifting slightly to better access Wilbur's underarms. He noticed that kneading circles made Wil's laughter go high-pitched, so he made sure to knead as many circles as he could. "But honestly, I think I'm having more fun than he did."

"AHAHAHA! PH-PHIHIHIL! PHIHIL IHIHI CAHAHAN'T! PLEHEHEHEASE! IHI- EEP!"

Phil grinned at Wilbur's reaction. He blew another raspberry on his neck and got the same response: a short, high-pitched shriek.

"You what? What is it, Wilbur?"

Wilbur simply shook his head, laughing too hard to be able to form coherent words. Had he not been sitting in Phil's lap, his arms held up with one hand and his underarms being tortured by a hand and a wing while another wing was running over his ribs, he might have been able to form a proper word. Phil noticed this and decided to give the musician a small break.

"...h-hehehe," Wilbur softly giggled. The tickling had stopped, but he still jerked and flinched and laughed like there were still fingers and feathers on him. "M-Mehehahaha..."

"What?"

"...mehahaha..."

"A-Are you okay?" asked Philza, starting to get worried. He hadn't taken it too far, had he?

Finally, after his breathing calms down and enough air gets into Wilbur's lungs, he whispered, "...m-mehehercy..."

"What's that?"

"H-Hahahave mehercy, Phihil." Wilbur shook his head once more, his giggles beginning to start up again. He tugged at his wrists, which were still held high above his head, and rocked side to side, almost like he was trying to evade poking fingers. The only thing was that Phil wasn't doing anything. "Cahahan't tahake ihit..."

"I'm giving you a break right now," soothed Phil. "I'm not an asshole."

"Yehes you ahahare," Wilbur cheekily said.

"Hey," said Phil. He ran his nails over Wilbur's ribs, earning a loud shriek. "I would be careful if I were you," he warned. "Don't forget, I know two of your spots now, and I fully plan on abusing my knowledge."

Wilbur squirmed in the avian's lap, his light-hearted threat forcing a whine out of him. His cheeks only got redder when he finally processed something that Phil had said earlier.

"Did he really?" he meekly asked.

"Did who really what?"

"Did Tommy really tell you about tickling me?"

Philza barked out a laugh. "You think Tommy's the type of guy to offer help in unloading the groceries?"

Wilbur flushed, his cheeks now a deep crimson. "Guess not," he grumbled. He had thought it was weird that Tommy was suddenly so eager to do a task that nobody liked doing — unloading the groceries — but he had just assumed that Tommy felt awkward around Wilbur after tickling him. He hadn't thought that... Wilbur kicked his legs as best he could and whined loudly.

"I can't believe you just stood there and willingly listened to Tommy talk about how he... how he tortured me to earn my forgiveness," he huffed.

"Torture," Phil snorted. "He didn't torture you. You make it sound like he had a knife and was drawing blood. According to him, all he did was tickle your ribs."

"W-Well, my ribs are very ticklish!"

"I noticed," Phil remarked. He dragged a single finger up Wil's ribs and smirked when Wilbur burst into sweet lil' giggles. Feeling a little evil, he added, "You know, he also told me get flustered easily~"

This, of course, flustered Wilbur. He buried his head in the crook of his arm, trying — and failing miserably — to suppress a goofy smile.

Phil took it as an invitation to continue.

"He also told me your laugh was adorable."

"Did he really-

"He told me you get all giggly when someone lightly rubs your ribs."

"Wh-What-"

"And that you get really red when someone tickle you."

"I don't-"

"You do, actually," Phil noted, eyeing the brunet's red face.

"Look," he said, booping Wilbur on the nose, "even your nose is red."

"I-"

"You look good though," Phil reassured. "Cute and a little messy, but good."

"St-Stop cutting me off!" spluttered Wilbur. The fact that Phil hadn't let him go yet probably meant that he planned on tickling him more, and Phil's constant interrupting wasn't helping Wilbur ease his nerves.

Phil's eyes widened at his outburst. "Well, there's no need to shout at your old man," he murmured. "I was just curious, that's all."

"S-Sorry..."

Phil hummed again, and the two fell into a comfortable silence — although Wilbur's nerves still didn't ease. Just as he was about to be asked if he could be let go, Phil said, "Aight, break's over. Let's start."

"Wait, what're you- AH! PHIHIHIL! NOHOHOT AHAHAGAIN!"

Phil cooed softly, drilling his wings into Wilbur's underarms while silently counting his ribs with his free hand. "I think Tommy was right; your laugh is adorable."

"FUHUHUHUCK YOUHUHU!"

Phil frowned at the vulgar language. He tugged Wilbur's arms to the side a little and began blowing raspberries on his ribs. Just as Tommy had told him, Wilbur immediately shrieked.

"AHAHAHA! WAHAHAIT! SOHOHORRY! PLEHEHEHEASE, IHIHI'M SOHOHORRY!"

Phil noticed that vibrating his fingers deep into Wil's underarms made him laugh louder than when he blew raspberries on his ribs. "Hey, I think your armpits might be more ticklish than your ribs!"

"PHIHIHIL!" Wilbur whined. "YOUHUHU'RE SOHO MEHEHEHEAN!"

"Me? Mean?" Phil gasped in mock offense. He ran the tip of his wing over Wil's left underarm while drilling circles into his right. The harsh contrast between the two sides was driving Wilbur insane! "I'm hurt, Wilbur. I'm genuinely hurt."

"IHIHI'M SOHOHORRY NOHOW STOP TIHIHIHICKLING MEHE!"

"Lemme sleep on it."

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ*

"No, that wouldn't work either," Wilbur dismissed. He leaned back in his chair (or some stairs, depending on how you wanna look at it) and gazed out the window, a half-amused smile tugging on his lips as he watched Tommy and Tubbo assemble and reassemble a large pyramid puzzle. To Technoblade, he said, "Think of something better."

"I'm trying!" Techno frustratedly snapped. "You've been rejecting every idea I've come up with! Plus, you haven't come up with a single idea yet!"

"Yeah, because good ideas take a long time to think of!"

Techno rolled his eyes. "Yeah? Good ideas take a long time to think of? Seriously? That's your excuse?"

"It's not an excuse! I'm trying to focus, but you're distracting me!"

"I'm helping."

From downstairs, Phil tiredly sighed, pouring himself a cup of coffee. Wilbur and Techno were arguing. Again.

"What else is new," he muttered under his breath before sipping his coffee.

Sometimes, the avian questioned his decision to introduce his adopted family to Technoblade. At times, it was good to have his friend around; he was always happy to have a helping hand in organizing the family. Techno was a good big brother.

There were, however, some problems. Even though Technoblade was over a thousand years old, Nether piglins tended to live for millions of years. By piglin standards, Techno was barely a toddler. His youth — and therefore inexperience — caused some (read: a lot) of chaos and unnecessary bickering around the house.

For example, it was Tommy's birthday, and Techno and Wilbur had been assigned to give him a gift. Phil had initially thought it would be a nice team/brother bonding moment, but it just ended up being another excuse for the two to argue.

"What if we made him a giant cobblestone tower?" suggested Techno. "I have enough. We could build it all the way to the height limit. It'd probably make Tommy happy; he likes cobblestone towers of powers."

"No."

The piglin blinked at Wilbur's bluntness. He waited for an explanation. When none came, he prompted, "...Because...?"

"I just don't like the idea," Wilbur replied.

Techno threw his hands up in wordless fury. "You are impossible to work with," he stated. "Absolutely impossible."

"Think of some good ideas and maybe I'll be easier to work with."

Finally, Technoblade snapped. Wilbur had been rejecting every single one of his ideas with no satisfying explanation. It was honestly starting to get to him.

Making sure Wilbur was still distracted by something outside the window, he slowly reached into his pocket and pulled out a book and quill. Flipping to page thirteen, he slowly trailed a finger down the paper, quickly reading all the bullets.

- A video where he's singing incredibly off-key - His secret drawer of photos of Sally - The one page in his diary where he talks about how amazing Tommy is - A video of him strumming an air-guitar like he's at a rock concert - That one time he accidentally encased himself in obsidian and I had to get him out - That time he started talking about how incredibly Tommy was before realizing I wasn't Philza

None of these help, Technoblade thought, slightly crestfallen. Usually, his book had all the blackmailing information necessary for any situation. But none of the bullets were helpful in this certain scenario. Eventually, he reached the final bullet on page thirteen, the page specifically dedicated to potential blackmail on Wilbur Soot.

- Ticklish ribs The words, "+underarms", had been hastily scrawled underneath.

Huh. Technoblade glanced up at Wilbur, who remained oblivious to his growing evil scheme.

"Alrighty then," the piglin sighed, standing up. "Villain arc time."

"Oh yeah?" Wilbur absent-mindedly murmured. "What're you gonna- AH!"

He yelped, caught off-guard, as Techno just about pounced on him and hauled him off his chair. He crashed into the piglin, sending them tumbling to the ground, each fighting for dominance. Though Techno was quite well-known for his strength and cunningness, Wilbur found it incredibly easy to wriggle his way out from his grasp.

Just as Wilbur had thought he had managed to get away, Techno "accidentally" hiked his shirt up and began squeezing at his ribcage. Wil immediately crumbled to the ground, feebly beating Techno's chest with a clenched fist.

"Ack! T-Tehehechno! Youhu cheheheater!"

"I win!" he triumphantly cried, flipping Wilbur onto back and settling down on his legs. Anytime Wil tried to resist, Techno would simply rub his top rib bones and watch (smugly) as Wilbur fell back down, giggling up a storm.

"Youhuhu cheheated!" Wilbur protested. "Thahat's not fahahair!"

"Hush," shushed Techno. Wilbur did not "hush". In fact, when Technoblade delved his fingers into his underarms, his laughter only grew louder. In mock exasperation, Techno snapped, "Pay attention, Wilbur, I'm showing you my really good idea."

"Thihihis ihis youhur idehea?!"

"It's good, isn't it?"

"Ihihit's ahabsolute shit!"

Techno's eyes widened.

"You take that back!" he demanded, not caring how childish he was being. It seemed like laughter truly was contagious, for Wilbur's loud cackling brought out a few chuckles from himself. Techno was glad that Phil had suggested for Tommy and Tubbo to go outside, because it would be very hard to explain why he, Technoblade, a deadly piglin who earned his title "Blood God", was currently sitting on top of a human and tickling him senseless, all the while wearing a large, goofy smirk.

"My ideas are great and you know it. Just admit it already."

"Fuhuhuck ohoff! Ihihi-" Whatever Wilbur was going to say was cut off by his own raucous laughter when Techno pushed his sweater up and blew a raspberry on his ribs (a trick he learned from Phil, who learned it from Tommy). "FUHUHUCK! WAHAHAIT! WAHAHAIT, TEHEHECHNO PLEASE! STOHOHOP!"

Technoblade did not stop. As a matter of fact, Wilbur's pleas only seemed to spur him on. Through slightly teary eyes, Wil weakly batted at Techno's shoulder as the pinkette blew raspberry after raspberry on his ribs. The hits didn't do much — Techno barely noticed — but it did throw him off a little when Wilbur missed his shoulder and whacked him in the face. Luckily, no one was hurt, but it made Techno flinch, and instead of blowing a raspberry on Wil's ribs, he blew one on his navel.

To which Wilbur screeched.

"NOHOHO! NONONONO! NO! PLEHEHEASE! NOHOHOHOT THEHEHERE! ANYWHERE BUHUT THEHERE!"

Technoblade grinned. He gave Wil's underarms a little break and moved to attack his tummy instead, skittering his fingers around the soft skin, occasionally dipping into his navel to lightly scratch around.

"Oh? Is this a new spot?" asked Techno. "Is your tum-tum ticklish? Is it? Is it so tick-tick-ticklish? Hm?"

"STOHOHOHOP!" Wilbur tried to demand. His squeaky cackles weren't really helping him make a point. He pursed his lips together and attempted to put on a mean, stony face. Techno dipped a thumb into his lil' button and vibrated it around, and his facade immediately crumbled. He squirmed underneath him, frantically trying to get free. "PLEHEHEASE! CAHAHAN'T TAHAKE IHIT!"

The piglin caught the strain in Wilbur's laughter and sympathized with him. He hadn't been tickled before, but Wilbur always tried to keep a strong, impassive reputation, and Technoblade doesn't know what he would do if somebody tickles him and reduced him to a red puddle of giggles.

"Alright, alright," he murmured, decided that Wilbur had had enough. "Just wanted to have my revenge for a little while. It gets annoying when someone keeps rejecting my brilliant ideas, y'know."

He slid off of Wilbur and walked back to his chair, where he had originally been sitting before he had gotten the random idea to tickle Wil. Before he could see what Techno was doing, the piglin quickly jotted down "+belly and navel" on page thirteen of his blackmailing book. He said nothing else — no apologies, no consolation, no explanation. Nothing. Zip. Zero. Nada. Goose eggs.

The moment Wilbur got enough air into his lungs and strength in his limbs, he staggered back onto his feet, face bright red and hair a mess. He ran a hand through his ruffled brown curls — like that would help — and sank into his chair, breathless.

"Ihi still thihink your ideas a-are shihit," he mumbled. He hugged himself around the stomach, ghost tickles still dancing on his sensitive skin. Technoblade glared at him. He had forgotten how annoying Wilbur was while he had been tickling him. He grabbed the first thing he could find — a marker — and pointed it at the brunet.

"I'll tickle you again if you're not careful," he threatened.

"I can take it," Wilbur arrogantly responded, eyeing the marker warily. His bluff was called, however, when Technoblade stood up and he squeaked. "AH! Sorry! Didn't mean it! I-I was just joking!"

Techno grinned. "You wanna admit that my ideas are good now?"

"No."

For a split second, Wilbur's stubbornness irritated the piglin. But then, after studying the marker in his hand, Techno's grin only widened, another equally wonderful idea popping into his head.

"Alright, I've got an idea I bet Tommy'll love," he said.

"And I bet it's shit."

Technoblade didn't say anything, simply grabbing Wilbur's wrists and raising them high above his head, which scared him.

"What're you doing?" he squeaked, voice high-pitched in terror. "D-Don't tickle me again! Please! I'm sorry!"

"Calm down," Techno soothed. "I'm not going to tickle you."

Wilbur relaxed a little. That is until Technoblade began pushing his sweater up, to which he shrieked, "What're you doing?!"

"I'm going to use this marker," was the pinkette's simple response.

"T-To do wha- EEP! Tehehechno! Nohohot ahagain!" whined Wil. "Plehease! Ihihi'm seherious, I cahahan't tahake it!"

"What? Seriously? You can't take a marker? Not even a marker?" teased Technoblade, more surprised than anything else.

"Ihihi'm tihihicklish!" the brunet defensively giggled.

"Well, that's good, because I won't tickle you all that much. Just stay still. I need to write something on your stomach. It'll be easier if you don't struggle."

"Ihihit tihihickles!"

"I know, but just stay still."

Wilbur tried — he really did! — but it was incredibly difficult to not laugh while Technoblade was writing something on his stomach with a black Sharpie. The soft tip of the marker was surprisingly good at tickling him, especially when it came close to the rim of his navel.

"Whahat ahahare yohuu even dohohoing?" giggled Wilbur. He couldn't exactly read whatever Techno was writing. It's hard to read upside down.

"I'm writing "TICKLE HERE" all over your stomach. And don't look at me like that," Technoblade added when the other gaped at him. "I know you're ticklish on your stomach, but I'm willing to bet Tommy doesn't~"

"Youhu wouhuhuldn't!"

"I would, actually," Techno replied. "Plus, I bet Tommy would love it. Admit it, Wilbur, it's a good idea."

Although Wilbur would continue to insist that Techno's ideas were shit, Tommy actually found Techno's birthday gift for him incredibly entertaining and enjoyed it immensely.

("Come on Wilbur, it's very rude to not sing me happy birthday~" "Ihihi'm tryhyhyhying!" "Try harder! Try to stop laughing. It might help." "Youhuhu suhuck!" "I wouldn't say that if I were in your position~" "ACK! WAHAHAIT! IHIHI'M SOHOHORRY!" "Don't forget to try his navel too." "FUHUHUCK YOU BOHOTH!")

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ*

I don't know why this prompt took me so long to do but I'm so fucking sorry Jesus Christ ᜊࡇᜊ

Also I'd just like to mention brag that the word count is 3,909 words.

-🌟

#Starburst! 🌟 #Starburst's fics #lee!Wilbur Soot #ler!Tommyinnit #ler!Philza #ler!Technoblade #mcyt #dsmp #mcyt tickles #tickle fanfic #my fanfic #SFW tickling

[earthfire-75]

You Send Me Flying

(Author’s notes: written with @nature-and-music, beta’ed by @lady-jane-revisited. Warnings: language, smut will come later)

I don't want to make a habit of this

But seeing you is like getting a fix

Every time I kid myself; I'll never do it again

Definition of love on a cliff

A lemming has no alternative

I want to die in your arms

That's my suicide wish

Chapter One:

I’m at a party with Vince where he’s playing with his band, Rock Candy. We had gone to school together, along with Tommy, who we hadn’t seen or heard from since graduation. That’s about to change.

I’m talking with some of the guests around me when the singer’s set is over and start to excuse myself so I can join him at the bar. I’m getting better about being more social, but sometimes it’s still a little overwhelming. The next thing I hear is a familiar voice greeting Vince. I turn around just in time to see him hugging Tommy. When they pull away, I jump up to hug the other man in a bear hug.

“Tommy! I’ve missed you!” then I smack his shoulder, hard. “Where the hell have you been?!”

“Ow,” Tommy whined, rubbing his shoulder. “Trying to start a band, man! Damn, you hit hard!” His eyes light up and he pulls a tape out of his jacket pocket. “That reminds me! Vince, we still need a singer,” Tommy says, handing the tape over. “Give it a listen, will ya?”

Vince hesitantly takes the tape, asking who else is in the band. Tommy happily points out the other two who came with him. I lean toward Tommy, getting a better look. Both men are cute, but I have a weak spot for blue eyes.

“Who’s the short one?” I ask.

“Dude, no way!” Tommy laughs. “He’s like… old!”

“He doesn’t look that old! Plus, you know I have a thing for blue eyes.” I whispered that last part so only Tommy and Vince could hear. I look over at them again and I see him looking at me with a raised eyebrow. Had he heard us anyway?

“Gross,” Tommy mutters before turning his attention back to Vince. “Just give the tape a listen, man. There’s a number on it where you can reach us.”

“Yeah, alright, I’ll listen to it tonight.”

After a quick goodbye, I couldn’t help myself, watching the “old man” walk away. Vince laughs beside me. “You finally found someone you’re willing to give it up for?”

“Shut up, Blondie!”

About a week later, after convincing Vince to actually listen to the tape, we went to audition. Well, he did, I went for moral support. His girlfriend came too, who acted like a bitch from the moment we got there. She completely ignores Nikki’s greeting and then just stands there looking at them, half in disgust. I shake the bassist's hand in formal greeting, as does Vince.

“Nikki Sixx,” he addresses with a wide smile, then pointing to the “old man” as he plugged in his guitar. “That’s Mick Mars right there.”

He nodded his head as he adjusted his guitar strap comfortably upon his shoulder. I gave him a little smile, but his focus was on his instrument, something that I could understand.

Nikki tapped on my shoulder, “There’s some beer in the fridge if you want some.”

I thanked him and as I headed towards the kitchen, I couldn’t help but overhear Vince asking what was the matter to his girlfriend. Her response was something along the lines of making sure that the rest of the guys were good enough to play with him. The silence in the apartment was so prevalent that one could hear a pin drop after such a remark. I rolled my eyes as I cracked open the bottle cap, making my way back to the living room. The first strum of Mick’s guitar made my heart stop for a split second, the same feeling intensified when Tommy and Nikki played along as well. The vocals from Vince that came in seconds later really boosted their sound. I rested my back against the wall as I heard them play. However things came to halt when Vince’s girl told them to stop, commenting that their music was “too heavy.”

“Hey, how about giving him an actual chance?!” I asked a little more angrily than I intended. Then I turned to Vince. “You got this.”

The boys talked amongst themselves about changing up the tuning and tempo, Nikki recommending to Vince about where he could really push it vocally. Next thing we knew, the four of them practically created an earthquake, their little session could have brought the roof down! We were shocked and amazed at how incredible they sounded. It was heavy and just the right amount of aggressive. I clapped after they completed their song and exclaimed that they sounded amazing!

Tommy was ecstatic as he stood up and gave Vince a high five, “Fuck yeah dude! You sound amazing!”

Nikki appeared as if the wheels in his head were turning, reflecting on what just occurred in the last few minutes, meanwhile Mick simply stood there as if nothing happened. Tommy ran to the fridge to grab everyone a celebratory drink.

Nikki groaned, “Dude, come on, we need to save those for later-”

Tommy ignored his unfinished remark as he passed the bottles around, “That was crazy, Vince you sounded awesome! And Mick, holy shit, I’ve never heard guitar playing like that before!”

Mick shrugged as he took a gulp of his drink, “Whatever, come on we have more to work on.” He kept his head down and strummed the strings, although I could see a little smile pulling at his lips. “Alright, what’s next Nikki?”

The bassist turned to the band and so they played another tune, this time even louder and heavier than the previous one. The banging from the annoyed neighbors downstairs could barely be heard, although I could definitely feel the pounding from below my feet. I couldn’t help but get lost in their sound as I watched them, especially the way Mick’s fingers would manipulate and pull at the strings. If I didn’t know any better, I could have sworn that he looked at me for a brief second. Regardless of what I thought I saw, the musicians played one more song, one that was a little slower, yet still could pack a punch musically and lyrically. Tommy would perform a little trick where he would twirl his drum sticks when the timing seemed right, Nikki would put his best foot forward as he plucked the strings of his bass, Vince would proceed to move his body the way a snake slithers across the grass, and Mick had loosened up a bit himself. The guitarist would lean forward, pointing the neck of his instrument away from him and mimicking a shooting- like motion.

Now it was time for a break, they all congregated in the kitchen and helped themselves to another round of drinks. Even Vince’s girlfriend was more or less slowly warming up to the rest of the band. Although I could see from the looks on Nikki’s and Mick’s faces that they weren’t the least bit interested in her being around them with the attitude she gave them earlier. Mick looked over to me and I could see that little smirk again, but he actually kept it this time.

“So what do you think? About the music?” he asked.

I smiled, “You guys sounded amazing. I’ve never heard anything like it before. I don’t even think the punk music scene sounds this hard.”

Nikki interjected, “Yeah, well that’s them, not us.”

“Is that your best attempt at a ‘thank you’ Nikki?” I pondered with a chuckle.

“Shut up,” he responded with a chortle.

Vince’s girlfriend took her man by the arm, “Vince, can you step outside for a second? I want to talk to you.”

The poor man had no choice but to follow, giving us a nod and to let us know that he’d be back shortly. Once she was out of sight, everyone let out a sigh of relief.

“Hate to be him,” Nikki mentioned, causing Tommy to snicker. He turned to me, “Listen, we got to practice a bit more, but you're welcome to stay if you want to.”

I smiled and nodded, “Cool man, yeah I’d like that.”

Tommy sat up on the countertop, dangling his long legs as he took another swig, “Cool! So where are we gonna play first? I hope it’s not gonna be a bunch of pool parties or gyms.”

I rested against the fridge, “I think you guys need a name first, Tommy.”

“We’re gonna work on that tonight, as soon as Vince gets his ass back here,” Nikki noted. “And hey, when we get our first gig, you can come too. But the bitch ain’t coming.”

We could all wholeheartedly agree on that matter.

@nature-and-music @lady-jane-revisited @mickmarstookmyheart @sophiazeppelinchick @gothicfuneralsblog @thesmokingguns

#mick mars fanfic #mick mars x reader #motely crue #Motley Crue fanfiction

[idkthisisjustforfanfic]

that makes four.

story page | talk to me + join the tag list

PART 5

“Girls,” why don’t you finish your homework and set the table while dad and I talk for a minute?”

“Can daddy stay for dinner?” CeCe reached for his hand and looked up at you, a sweet but pleading smile on her face.

“Can’t actually, honey,” Luke informed. “I’ve got somewhere to be, so--this has to be quick, unfortunately.”

“Great,” you nodded, bitterness laced through your words. “Girls, just give us one second, okay?"

You made eye contact with Maeve, communicated a look that said please bring your sister inside. She did, she pulled her by the shoulder and offered to let her fold the napkins--her favorite part.

You shut the door one they were back in the house, turned to Luke and crossed your arms. “Why are you here?”

“To visit.”

“Okay, well, where have you been for the last six months? My dad died--you didn’t think to visit when they lost their grandfather?”

“I’ve been busy,” he whined, letting his hands slap against his legs as if you were nagging him unnecessarily. “Better late than never.”

“Not how that works, but okay.”

“Y/N--can I just come in, hang out with them for a bit?”

“You can’t just come in and out of their lives, Luke, whenever it’s convenient. You either show up with some consistency or you don’t show up at all.”

“So you’d rather them not have a relationship with their father than have one that’s maybe not up to your standards?”

You were back in your marriage, suddenly, back to the fights and the frustration that became a dance you knew all too well. “They’re kids, Luke! Their parents got divorced and then their grandpa died and we moved and now you’re just here on my doorstep. Where’s your girlfriend, anyway?”

You looked past his shoulder--his car was parked on the gravel, apparently he remembered the entry code for the gate. The blonde woman who dangled from his arm on Facebook and the motorcycle he rode were nowhere to be found.

“She’s at home. And she would love to meet the girls, you know.”

“I don’t think so.”

“You don’t think so?”

“You can’t just show up with no notice and take them to meet some random woman you’re sleeping with.”

“Well, do we have to get lawyers involved in this, then? I’m pretty sure I deserve some level of custody over my own children.”

“Now you want custody? I mean--you literally didn’t reply to my calls about settling that in court when we actually got divorced so forgive me for thinking that meant you didn’t care.”

“I want to be able to see my kids, Y/N.”

“Okay--well maybe you can call me in the morning and we can schedule something instead of you showing up at my house.” You turned around to grab the doorknob, but before your hand landed on it, the door pulled open and Harry was stood on the other side with intrigue in his eyes.

“Harry--” you were about to tell him to go inside and stay out of it, but he stuck his hand out in Luke’s direction and smiled.

“Luke--nice to put a face to the name.”

Luke shook his hand but narrowed his eyes. “Do I know you?”

“No, you don’t. My name’s Harry.”

“You look familiar--” Luke mumbled this to no one in particular, but his eyes caught yours when you offered him a small smile.

“He’s a client of Jeff’s--he’s a musician.”

Luke made a face at that. “Okay--why are you here?”

“I live here,” Harry said. “With your children and ex-wife.”

“Harry,” you said his name again in warning. He didn’t even look at you, kept his eyes trained on Luke’s as if this was some sort of show down.

Luke nodded slowly, brought his eyes to you. “So our children can’t meet my girlfriend but they can live with a stranger.”

“He’s not a stranger, Luke. He’s known Jeff and the Azoffs for years--he knew my dad.”

“You didn’t think to ask me if that was okay?”

“You never returned my texts about my dead father or asking if you wanted to see them, so, it didn’t really cross my mind.”

Harry took a step in front of you. “Why are you here, man? I think that’s a better question.”

“I could do without the attitude, dude, okay? I can come to see my children if I want.”

“Just curious, since we’re about to eat dinner and I know Maeve’s not done with her homework.”

You rolled your eyes at that--an obvious flex that Harry was more in the know about your kids than he was. Your heart beat was rising, eyes flickering between the two of them.

“I didn’t know I needed your permission to see my own kids.”

“You don’t need mine, but maybe actually co-parenting with Y/N would be a good place to start.”

“Oh so she’s got you playing by all her rules, too?”

“Luke--”

“If you want to call her rules stability, for your children, then sure.”

“So you think you can move in here and just take over as father or something, is that what’s happening? Is there something going on--”

“No--I’m not their father, but I know that Y/N is an incredible mother--”

“Harry, please.”

“So you’re sleeping with this guy and he moves in and that’s fine but they can’t meet my girlfriend.”

“No one said we’re sleeping together, Luke,” you made a face at that, crossed your arms over your chest again and watched him with narrowed eyes.

“Are you?” He looked between the two of you, waiting for an answer like he suddenly had a right to know that information.

Harry shrugged his shoulders. “S’none of your business.”

He rolled his eyes. “Well, good luck with her, maybe one day she’ll divorce you and then tell you that you can’t see your own kids--didn't know I married such a control freak.”

Harry swung before you could even process the insult, his fist collided with Luke’s face and you let out a gasp. “Harry--are you fucking insane?!”

You rushed over to Luke, now clutching his face on the ground as he swore to himself. “Fucking fuck, that’s a perfectly clear answer, dude--good to know you’re sleeping with her.”

The door had already pulled open again, both Maeve and CeCe looked out into the evening air with wide eyes, uncertainty on their faces when Harry turned around to see them. “Go inside,” he said.

“Why?” Maeve shot this back with a prickly attitude. “What’s happening? Why is dad on the ground?”

“Just go inside,” Harry said it again, his words more stern.

“You’re not my dad, Harry, you can’t tell me what to do!”

Now was not the time for Maeve’s theatrics.

Luke shot back to his feet and lunged towards Harry, words interspersed between grunts when his own fist grazed the side of Harry’s jaw. “Don’t tell my kids what to do!”

Maeve pulled CeCe inside and shut the door quickly, some kind of instinct taking over her when you yanked at the back of Luke’s shirt. “Luke, get the fuck off of him!”

Harry shoved him back, he lost his footing and fell to the ground again but was quick to get up and brush the dirt off of his hands. You stood in front of Harry, who now rubbed at his jaw and looked more dejected than before, green eyes more somber when you shook your head.

“Both of you need to grow the fuck up--you just tried to beat each other up in front of the girls.”

Harry dropped your gaze and moved his jaw in circles, Luke glared with resentment, but they were both quiet.

“Go, Luke--you can’t show up and pull this shit, okay? We’re not doing it like this.”

“So now I don’t get to see my kids because your fucking boyfriend punched me in the face?”

“I didn’t say that!” You shouted, your volume making both of them flinch. “I never said you can’t see them but you certainly can’t just show up and expect me to take that well. We’re not talking about it now, so please, do everyone a favor and get the fuck out.”

He thought about it for a second, reached up to touch his cheek--already swollen and bruised--before he let out a sigh and looked at Harry. “Fuck you, man.”

“Fuck you too,” Harry said quickly.

“Go inside,” you said to Harry, a hand on his chest. “And ice that.”

Luke scoffed at your attempt to aid him, but when you turned to see him, he shrunk under your gaze.

“Get out!”

He turned and mumbled, “my lawyer will be in touch.”

“Mine looks forward to that call,” you said sweetly. He climbed into his car and pulled the door shut, Harry stood behind you, feet glued to the front step until Luke’s car pulled out onto the road.

When he was gone, you turned around. He hadn’t budged, he waited for you to say something, but you pulled your phone out and dialed Jeff’s number before you even addressed him.

He picked up on the second ring. “Hi--can you please come get the girls and take them out for dinner or something? Luke just showed up at my house and Harry punched him in the face and then Maeve and CeCe saw Luke try to punch Harry. So--I’m going to need some help. Immediately."

You could hear him grab his keys, he was in his car before he hung up and when you ended the call, the door had been pulled open again.

Maeve stepped out but closed it behind her. “I turned the stove off and CeCe’s watching TV. But I’m not going to lie, she’s suspicious.”

You let out a sigh that turned into a laugh, brought a hand up to your face. You didn’t know if you were mad or sad or amused or terrified. A mix of emotions when she looked up to Harry.

“Did you punch my dad in the face?”

He looked to you, eyes wide as if he needed your help to get out of this one.

You shrugged, not going to save your ass.

“I lost my temper and that was not okay,” he said.

“But then my dad punched you.”

More hesitance, but he nodded. “Right.”

They both looked to you. Quiet for a moment--was Maeve’s childhood shattered here in front of the house, broken atop the gravel that crunched under Luke’s tires when he drove away?

Hopefully not. Hopefully this wasn’t the moment she’d recount in adulthood, a therapist’s office somewhere on the East Coast, my mom let a pop star move in and then he punched my dad in the face.

“Uncle Jeff is coming and is going to take you and your sister out for dinner.” You didn’t know what else to tell her.

“Okay,” she accepted this, something told you she knew that this was serious and this was not something to ask a thousand questions about. “Can I say something?”

“Sure.”

“I think dad’s probably jealous because it’s obvious you guys like like each other.”

You watched her for a second, unable to piece together a rebuttal. So instead of replying, you told her to get her shoes on, tugged Harry inside and sat him at the island.

A bag of frozen peas was pressed to his jaw when Jeff showed up. Maeve and CeCe were in the living room with the TV on, both of them sat on the couch under a thick layer of tension.

“What the fuck happened?” Jeff asked quietly, car still running outside.

“You’ll have to ask your friend,” you said, scooping the uneaten dinner you’d made into Tupperware. “But maybe you can ask him later so I can yell at him first.”

Jeff smiled in your direction, approving of your reply. He looked to Harry, “don’t be an asshole.” He walked over to the living room without a word from Harry and greeted the girls.

“Be good,” you told them. They were quiet, waved goodbye and faded into the driveway once Jeff shut the door.

Silence, except for the crunching from the frozen peas when Harry shifted the bag against his jaw and tried not to wince in pain. He looked at you, guilt creased in his forehead.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

He sighed, dropped your gaze. “I’m sorry I punched your ex-husband in the face.”

“How about the fact that you came out there and got involved in the first place?”

This got him riled up. “Well I didn’t know what to do, Y/N! Maeve said you were talking to him and I wasn’t about to leave you alone with him.”

“I was married to him for 10 years. I know how to be alone with the guy.”

“I shouldn’t have punched him,” he admitted quickly.

“You shouldn’t have.”

He stood from the stool and set the peas down. “But I hated what he said about you--acting like you’re the bad guy here. You’re not.”

“I know I’m not, I didn’t need you to defend me!”

A step closer to you. “I wanted to.”

“Why?”

He shrugged his shoulders, looked away for a second like he couldn’t say it. What was he supposed to say? I like you? I have feelings for you? Did he? You were just as confused as he looked.

“Because I feel like we’re a family, in a weird way, the four of us.”

Just as it always had, the word anchored itself beneath your ribs, made it hard to breathe when you tried to define it in your head.

A family? People related by blood. People who live together. People who love each other. You didn’t have the time or the patience to define it right now with him still looking at you like your silence hurt his feelings.

Maybe it got under your skin and maybe it warmed your heart at the same time. It was at least enough reassurance that you weren’t crazy, and you weren’t imagining all of this. Maybe he did have feelings for you in some way, maybe he did belong here somehow.

“I can’t believe all of that happened,” you said this seriously, but when you looked up at him again you couldn’t help but laugh. How idiotic--your ex husband and your ex-boyband house guest duked it out on the front lawn. Tristan was right, your life had suddenly become a trashy romance novel and that realization brought humor to an otherwise horrendous evening.

“What?” His lips tugged into a smirk.

“Am I going to get blacklisted for causing an injury to your perfect face? Is Jeff going to murder me when he brings the girls home?”

He rolled his eyes at your joke but smiled. “I’m the idiot that thought it was a good idea to punch the ex-husband of my--”

Your breath hitched in your throat, you let out a sigh when he shrugged and offered a verbal pivot. “It was stupid--you didn’t cause it.”

There was still an awkward amount of space between you. He’d stood up like he wanted to move closer to you instinctually, comfort you or touch you. But now you twisted a ring on your finger and didn’t know what to say.

“I’ll apologize to the girls, tell them it was wrong of me and talk to them about it.”

You nodded, was that appropriate? Should you be the one to discuss this with them? Where did you even start in regard to addressing Maeve’s comment at the front door?

“I think maybe I should talk to them.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Maybe I should clear it up with Maeve too, you know, just what she said about us.”

“Right--what are you going to say?”

“I don’t know,” you admitted.

He took a step closer to you. “You could tell her that she’s right.”

You looked up at him, eyes on his for a second like the world had been paused. You’d been speechless before. Maybe not often, and maybe not for reasons like this, but when you didn’t say anything, he took a step back.

“Sorry--you’re right. Best to not involve them.”

Your voice came out in a squeak, insecure and lacking the confidence you’d tried so hard to build. “You think?”

“Yeah, I mean, that’s what you were going to say, right?”

Was it?

“Yeah.”

He scratched at the back of his neck, slid the peas forward on the counter. “Thanks for these. I should probably shower.”

“Okay.”

A hesitance in him, you could see it. He took a step towards the stairs but kept his hand on the counter, a quick glance over his shoulder. “Are we alright?”

“Yeah, yes.”

“You sure?”

You nodded, offering him a small smile. “Certain. Goodnight, Harry.”

**

Jeff wasn’t mad at you about Harry’s face. If anything, he was mad at Luke for being an asshole and mad at Harry for being stupid enough to get involved. You didn’t dare tell him about the things he’d said in the kitchen when you were home alone.

Harry’s ego was bruised almost as bad as his jaw, which seemed to turn a darker shade of blue-ish yellow the next day.

Maeve was sat at the dining room table, eyes fluttered in annoyance when CeCe climbed into her seat and then looked at you. “Sorry,” she said. “I had to go pee.”

“That’s okay,” you nodded, letting out a sigh when you looked between them. “So, I called a family meeting because I wanted to talk about what happened the other day when dad was here.”

“When is he visiting again?” CeCe smiled, distracted by the mention of her absent parent.

“Not for a while,” Maeve answered with an eye roll. “He punched Harry.”

“They punched each other,” CeCe corrected with an attitude.

“Exactly, which is the problem, because as you both know we don’t use our hands to communicate in this house. We use words.”

“Well why didn’t Harry use words to tell dad that he likes you?”

“That’s not what was happening, Maeve.”

Was it wrong to lie to her? She rolled her eyes like she didn’t believe you, like your words were just a cover up for whatever was really happening--you bit your lip when you realized that they were.

“Then why did they fight?”

“Because,” you said, exerting your mom-power. “They disagreed about something. Just like you two disagree sometimes.”

“We’re eleven and six,” Maeve made a face at you. “It’s age-appropriate for CeCe to pull my hair.”

You stared at her blankly--she was too smart for her own good. “But it’s wrong, any type of violence is wrong.”

“So is daddy coming to visit again or no?” CeCe was probably having trouble keeping up, she looked confused but invested when you smiled at her.

“Maybe--him and I still need to talk about that.”

“He never comes to see us!” Maeve complained, frustration in her voice when the front door opened. Harry--hair pushed back with a headband, curls escaped on the side and a dewy layer of sweat on his forehead--apparently he’d gone for a run.

The bruise on his jaw was visible. “Hi,” he looked around, solemn. “Sorry to interrupt.”

“You said dad was going to visit us still when we moved here but he hasn’t!”

You turned back to Maeve, parenting duties outweighed your desire to take in the sight of Harry post-workout.

“I can’t control your father,” you reminded her. “We’ve talked about this--he loves you, but he…” you felt awkward saying it in front of Harry, a watered down version of the truth. “He’s not good at managing his time. He forgets things and he gets distracted. But he loves you.”

“Then why doesn’t he come visit?” Maeve asked, arms crossed over chest. She wore a purple shirt, one that you’d gotten at the Gap and that she used to say she hated, probably just because you said it looked nice on her.

Her voice was softer now, less angry and more confused, a tinge of sadness when Harry walked to the kitchen for a glass of water. Another thing he probably hadn’t planned on: witnessing uncomfortable family meetings where you tried to explain to your children why their father doesn’t keep in touch.

It was a fair question, you couldn’t blame her for asking and wondering. Why didn’t he reach out more? Why didn’t he make an effort to see them?

You couldn’t admit your own confusion to them. “He’s just busy, honey. He loves you both a lot, I know that. But I can talk to him and see if we can schedule a time for him to come see you.”

Harry paused at that--far away in the kitchen, glass to his lips when he stopped sipping and looked in your direction. When he noticed he’d been caught, he cleared his throat and headed out to the patio.

CeCe looked up at you with big eyes. “Can daddy come for my ballet recital?”

“Maybe,” you nodded. “I can ask him.”

That seemed to be good enough for them. Maeve was eager to head out to a friend’s house when her ride showed up and CeCe was more than happy to play in the backyard by herself.

Harry was stood on the patio still when CeCe ran to the swing set, glass of water still in his hand as if he hadn’t a clue what was going on. His eyebrows raised when you stood in the doorway.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” he turned to see you, hand on his hip. “Sorry--I didn’t mean to burst in there.”

“It’s fine, I think they get it. I mean, I don’t know, as much as they can, I guess.”

He nodded, stared at the ground when he spoke. “You know, I was thinking on my run--if this is too much I can talk to Jeff about staying at his. I don’t want to make--”

“No,” you shook your head, probably too quickly. Surprised by your own reply, you crossed your arms. “I mean, it’s fine. I just think maybe we should take a minute to figure out--”

“Right,” he nodded, cutting your sentence down to a half-formed thought. “Understood.”

He looked away at that, glanced down to his running shoes before he kicked at the patio slate beneath them.

You bit at the inside of your cheek, cursed yourself for how stupid you’d been. This is why you shouldn’t have let your guard down in the first place. First Luke, then your dad, now this type of stress all under one roof was possibly too much for everyone involved. The last 12 months had already snowballed into a mess of emotions and you should have known better.

As the adult in the equation, you were sure that this was all your fault.

And yet you wished it wasn’t--something in you wanted to walk over to him, wrap your arms around his middle and feel comforted by his touch. He brought his eyes to you and was about to speak when the alarm beeped. The front door opened, Tristan appeared through the glass doors and waved when CeCe ran over to see who the visitor was. Conversation effectively over.

“Hi,” he greeted with a smile, completely unaware that he’d just walked in at the worst time. “Glad I caught you both here. Sorry to barge in but I wanted to confirm details about the launch party so we can get it squared away.”

Harry stood awkwardly still, weight shifting on his feet when Tristan pulled out his phone to decline a call but kept talking. “I talked to Helen and Kira, the restaurant’s booked and the headcount is confirmed so we’re pretty much good to go.”

Right, the body wash debut and the celebratory dinner that Tristan had insisted on having. It was more than just the body wash debut: a celebration of how much Luna Skincare had grown, the launch of a whole new product line, a pick me up to try to make you feel less stressed, as Tristan had said.

Harry was confused, Tristan looked between the two of you. “Oh--did you...not tell him?”

“Tell me what?”

“About the dinner, the party we’re having,” Tristan shrugged and watched you, confused as to why you hadn’t looped Harry in.

It wasn’t purposeful. You’d spent countless showers contemplating if and how to invite him. Was he your date? Was he just a friend who was coming? Would he sit beside you or beside Jeff or was it better to leave him out of it altogether to avoid the questions and overthinking that had already saturated your brain before the event?

Harry shook his head. “I don’t know about it.”

Great, now you looked like an asshole. You laughed awkwardly to try and brush it off. “Well, we were still planning, I was going to invite you, of course. It’s for the body wash debut.”

He nodded, having gathered that much already.

You cleared your throat, the invitation a clear backtrack. “You should come, it’s just a dinner at La Cava. The team that worked on it, Jeff is coming, Zoey, some of our friends.”

He hesitated, glanced over to Tristan like he didn’t know how to reply but then looked back to you. “I thought we just said we--”

“It’s fine,” now you cut him off, a wave of your hand when you turned back to Tristan. “It’s gonna be great--do we have to finalize a menu?”

“I’ll have it on your desk by Tuesday morning.”

“Great, do you want to stay for dinner?”

He looked between the two of you, somehow aware of the tension that hovered above your backyard. “Can’t,” he said slowly. “I have a date, actually.”

“Oh, okay. Who’s the guy?”

“Someone I met online,” he shrugged. “Check my location and if I’m not home by midnight, please call the police.”

You laughed, “will do.”

He kissed you on the cheek and then waved to CeCe when she screamed BYE TRISTY!!!

Harry said something about taking a shower and seeing a friend that night, he dipped out the backdoor before dinner and you had no clue what time he got home. But that was for the best, right? You needed to take a step back to get your feet back on the ground.

You didn’t need to concern yourself with where he was or what he was doing--and the tiny voice of anxiety in the back of your brain reminded you that you definitely didn’t need to know who he was with.

Doing so had only made your emotions more jumbled. You’d been stupid enough to think there was something here, think that all of this meant something. And maybe it did, in moments. Harry had been the one to say that Maeve was right, but where did that sentence end? Maeve was right and: I have to go on tour, I’m too young to be a step father, I’m not looking for a serious relationship, I’m too busy for all of this.

The sentence likely ended with a fiery crash into flames and embarrassment.

Whatever was going on between the two of you--between the four of you, even--was a momentary blip on the radar of life. An extra set of hands when you needed them, someone to help things settle back into place after your life had been shaken up like the contents of a snow globe.

But somehow, eventually, things had to settle. You were only upset that it had been rattled again, by fists and bruises and angry words, before you were finally able to see that it was time for things to calm down.

He knew this too. He pulled back over the next week, spent less time downstairs and when you found yourself in the kitchen with him one night after the girls were asleep, a general sense of unease seemed to blanket the room.

Your phone dinged on the counter in front of him when he forked into a bowl of leftovers.

“Oh, you--uh--it’s a message from Luke.”

You were bent over at the dishwasher, the final plate tucked inside when you stood up, a wrinkle in your forehead at his words.

“Luke?”

He slid it over, took another bite and pretended to be disinterested.

Luke (9:24pm): Been thinking about it. Once every two months would be great. Don’t want to get lawyers involved--call me next week and we can talk about when to schedule something. Sorry about punching your friend.

You let out a breath you hadn’t meant to hold, licked at your lips when your eyes welled with tears. You looked up at Harry--who’d apparently been watching you. “Sorry, I’m fine, I just--”

“What did he say?”

“He said he’s fine to only see the girls every two months and we can talk about scheduling. And he apologized for punching you.”

Harry let out a sigh at that, his shoulders slumped like they’d been tense. “I mean--I think I did more damage to him, but, s’fine.” He brought his eyes up to meet yours and smiled a bit. “But that’s good--if he wants to see them there should be some type of predictability to it.”

“Right,” you agreed, a beat of silence. “I should probably feel bad for the girls that their father only wants to see them six times a year but I’m honestly just relieved at this point.”

He held back a quiet laugh. “I don’t blame you. Don’t need any more fist fights.”

You looked up at him, bit back a smirk and tugged at the necklace around your neck. “Definitely not.” Another beat of silence when he looked down at the countertop, his lips were parted like he wanted to speak, but then he sighed again.

The sadness on his face tugged at your heart, you spit out words if only to fill the air between you.

“I’m also sorry that he punched you. You shouldn’t have punched him first, obviously, but, he’s an idiot. The father of my children, but an idiot nonetheless.”

“I shouldn’t have gotten involved. I overstepped, so, I’m the one that owes you an apology.”

You nodded. He wasn’t wrong. He did owe you an apology despite the fact that he’d already said it that night. But you didn’t want it to feel as awkward and uncomfortable as it had been for the last few days.

Maybe the girls didn’t sense it, Harry was still teaching Maeve guitar and he still chased CeCe around the backyard, tossing her over his shoulder when he finally caught up. But instead of sneaking into your room at night he shut his bedroom door quietly and you pretended you didn’t watch to see when he finally turned the light out.

“By the way, my house is coming along. They said I can move in sometime in the next two weeks probably.” He nodded like this was a business meeting, neat and tidy information that he presented on top of the island like there wasn’t any weight to his words.

“Oh, okay.”

“Yeah--so, I’ll keep you updated, I guess.”

In a year of uncertainty and with a thousand twists and turns, something about Harry made you feel like your path was straight, like no unexpected bumps or roadblocks could throw you off course. Somehow, he’d simultaneously been the one to make things fall into place and stir up emotions inside of you that you forgot existed.

But the mere thought of that brought on so much judgment and self-doubt. You'd been desperate and pathetic and searching for anything that would keep you upright, then Harry showed up with a suitcase and a heart of gold.

It wasn’t his fault that you fell for him. There was no one to blame but you.

He saw the look on your face, one of swirling thoughts and anxiety. He cleared his throat. “Do you want a glass of wine?”

You looked up at him sheepishly, like you’d been caught in your own internal monologue of a shame spiral. “Do you want a glass of wine?”

He laughed, reached for glasses above the stove and poured.

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AN: this one was a bit shorter--but don't worry, everything happens for a reason.

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[hunflowers]

The Third Act

Word Count: 11.5k

A/N: As an early birthday gift from me to you, here’s chapter 3 :) I hope you all enjoy my hardwork and if you do, please don’t be afraid to stop by and let me know :) all feedback is greatly appreciated.

WARNING: this chapter includes domestic violence, mentions of a miscarriage, and suicidal thoughts. if you ever need to talk to someone, i’m here for you.

okay other than that, have fun and good luck, in that order *nose boops*

Jessica: I tried to get a hold of Giulia but she wasn’t answering the phone. This was obviously before the time of cell phones so there was only her home phone, and if she wasn’t answering that, then there was no other way to get in contact with her.

I would’ve gone over to her apartment but I was in L.A. so that wasn’t really possible. I was just going to wait until she called me back because clearly, this was an urgent matter.

The poor girl just couldn’t catch a break.

Opal: We were at the airport in the morning, on the way to California, when we saw the picture.

Niall: People swarmed us left and right because of that photo. It really stirred the pot.

Harry: Girls as young as fifteen were asking me to kiss them. So were their mothers.

Opal: I wondered how Giulia was handling all the attention; if she even knew about the photo yet.

Giulia:  I took a deep breath and tried my best to ignore it. It was this enormous elephant in the room though so it was kind of hard to avoid. I walked further through the living room so he could see me - I know he heard the door close and knew I was behind him, but I wanted him to actually see me. I said ‘hi’ but he ignored me. Kept drinking his beer. [pauses] That hurt. I remember wanting to cry right there because I didn’t deserve this.

Maybe I did, I don’t know. It looked very, very suspicious and if there was a printed photo on every magazine of him and some other actress apparently kissing, I would be upset too. But I would want an answer and I wouldn’t be drinking before noon.

I couldn’t stand there anymore so I started to walk away but then I heard him mumble something under his breath. I didn’t catch it and I know I should’ve just left him alone until he was sober and ready to talk like adults, but against my better judgment I turned around and said, “Excuse me?”

He spoke up and said, ”You’re a whore.”

Right then and there I should’ve left. If I could go back in time, there are so many things I wish I could change but in hindsight, it’s easier to say that than when it was actually happening. When it was happening, I wanted to fix what was broken so we could get back to normal. But, of course, once something breaks, it can never be whole again.

He was pissed, I was fuming, anything that was going to happen was going to be anything but a civil conversation between two adults. I was ready to say something back but he stopped me. He kept going on and on, “Do you think it’s easy for me to see my girlfriend with some other fucking dude? All of these headlines saying you two are in a relationship as if I don’t fucking exist? It’s probably because they are true. You’re fucking this guy and you thought you could get away with it.”

I wasn’t. He was just convinced I was. He thought these rumors were going to tarnish his reputation as a serious musician. [laughs] Nothing about this was going to hurt his reputation considering all articles were sympathizing with him and slandering me. He just had a big ego and thought everything was about him. We went back and forth for a little while, and I tried giving my side of the story but he wasn’t listening to anything I had to say.  So eventually I started to walk away from him because dealing with a drunk person in an argument isn’t good. But he said, “Don’t fucking walk away from me!”

I was so mad, so I was about to turn around and scream, “Don’t tell me what to do!” But the next thing I know, he's pushing me into the wall. Hard. And it was a brick wall. My shoulder was badly bruised and I’m pretty sure I hit my head too.

Anna: Later that day she came back over to my apartment with a bag of stuff asking if she could stay for a few days. She only said they had gotten into an argument and that she didn’t want to be around him. I thought it was weird that she didn’t kick him out of the apartment considering it is her apartment but I let her in, no questions asked. [pauses] As her best friend, I think that was my biggest mistake and what failed her: Not asking questions. Maybe if I asked what happened the rest of it could’ve been avoided.

When she changed into her pajamas I saw the bruise on her shoulder. She lied, said something about losing her balance and falling into her dresser or something. It was a disgusting bruise too. Yellow on the outside and this deep purple in the center mixed with blue and green splotches. He did that to her and she lied about it and I didn’t connect the dots.

Jessica: When I finally got a hold of her she sounded different. By this point, I’ve known this girl for three years and I’ve spoken to her nearly every day. I know how she is and that day… she wasn’t the Giulia I knew. I didn’t know if it was because of the photo or maybe something personal but I knew something wasn’t right. She tried to play it off though and said something about just being tired.

Giulia: I thought I had to lie. How does someone come out and say their boyfriend got so angry that he pushed them into a wall forcefully? And how do they admit to not immediately leaving him? Because I didn’t know. Right after it happened he apologized and hugged me and kissed me and even got me an ice pack so I didn’t think much of it. I really didn’t. I still left because it didn’t feel right to be in the same place as him after that argument, but I didn’t break up with him.

And thing is, I was convinced none of my family or friends would believe me. Back then, abuse wasn’t something… highly talked about. It was something you just kept to yourself and pretended everything was okay. Obviously, everything wasn’t okay, but for someone like me in this big spotlight, dating a very famous man [pauses] there was no way anyone would believe me. This is the biggest shame of it all because a lot of men in this industry get away with shit they shouldn’t just because women know their lives and reputation are more at risk than the men. We’re the bad guys.

Vince: I figured enough people were up her ass about this picture by the time I called her the next day, that I didn’t even bother questioning her about it. That wasn’t part of my job plus I could’ve bet my life savings that she needed a distraction. Which is why I sent her two scripts to keep her busy.

Giulia: Auditions for Cecilia took place in L.A. which was perfect timing because I needed to get away from New York for a little while. And it was also time I visited my family.

Connor Stone: When I picked her up from the airport I immediately could tell something was wrong with her. I wasn’t positive on what, but was positive there was something. I had this nagging thought in my head that I was right: New York was doing more harm than good.

Opal: Before the whole… kiss thing happened, I told Giulia we’d be staying in Laurel Canyon if she ever wanted to stop by. So I shouldn’t have been surprised when she came knocking on our front door the next week. Yet, I still was.

Harry: I couldn’t believe my eyes when SP opened the door.

Niall: This girl was tough as fucking nails. People were still talking about her and Harry a week later, dragging her through the dirt about her relationship with Levi and here she was, on our doorstep without a care in the world.

Giulia: I asked my brother to wait outside because I wasn’t going to be long. I had no intention of staying because quite frankly, I realized, I was furious at Harry. I mean, he fucked my life up because of what? He wanted to get in my pants?

Opal: She didn’t step inside, instead she asked Harry to come to her. She said, “I can’t stay long. Harry, can we talk for a second?”

SP: Harry walked over to her and within the blink of an eye, her hand came across his face. [laughs] I refer to it as the slap heard ‘round the world.

Connor: I could practically hear the impact from the car.

Giulia: I said, “What part of me not going back to your hotel or constantly telling you I have a boyfriend did you not get?”

Harry: I didn’t know how to respond to that. I was a stupid guy, I knew that much. But there was no denying the way she reacted to me back in that club the week before.

Giulia: When he had nothing to say I scoffed and turned around to get back to the car. I thought he was different, y’know? But he didn’t even apologize. I could tell he didn’t say sorry because he probably didn’t think he had to, but it would’ve been nice if he did just so I could believe he had an ounce of sympathy in him. 

Connor: When she got back in the car, she looked back out of her window before I drove away completely, almost with, like, a look of regret. I didn’t know a whole lot about her relationship with Harry Styles but my guess is she regretted slapping him because she didn’t truly mean it. The anger she felt was a facade because she should feel anger; but she probably liked the kiss. She was probably angry because of the way it happened, not that it happened at all.

Giulia: What I really needed was a night to myself. I needed to be alone and get high just for a little while. As we drove, I could see some of the places I frequented before I met Levi, and I wanted nothing more than to go back to that simple time where there was no boyfriend and no rockstar waiting around for me.

Jessica: I knew something was off about Giulia from that phone call, yet when she walked into my office those days later… I mean it was obvious.

We caught up and got niceties out of the way before I asked, “Are you okay? Like, seriously, okay?”

She said, “Why wouldn’t I be? It’s a messy situation but I’ll get past it like I always do.”

Something told me she wasn’t just talking about Harry.

Giulia: I don’t know why but that entire first week back in California felt like someone else was inhabiting my body. It’s something I can’t really explain, but I just didn’t feel like myself. I know I played it off pretty well that it was just the Harry situation on my mind, but honestly I don’t think I thought about it at all.

When I closed my eyes, I saw Levi. I could hear him in my mind, over and over again calling me a whore. I could feel the impact of that brick wall whenever I looked at my fading bruise.

When the weekend came around, some of the cast and crew wanted to celebrate a good first week and cheers to many more. The only part of that weekend I remember is my head being in some toilet stall.

Connor: No one could get a hold of her again. Two days of no communication from her. Sunday she called Anna and then me.

Giulia: Sunday was recovery day. By Monday I was fine and back to work like everything was normal. I felt so [pauses] I needed that little release, even if it was for just a little while. I called Levi on Monday and pushed the incident to the back of my mind and told him I’d see him soon.

Like nothing ever happened.

Niall: SP and I ran into Giulia that weekend. She was blitzed. We thought it was because of Harry. She said something like, “Just trying to forget life for a little while.” You don’t really say something like that unless you mean it, and for all we knew, this whole thing with Harry was causing such turmoil in her life.

Harry: They were telling me I had to make things right with her. That she was out of her mind because of me.

SP: I had no business in whatever this whole situation was, okay? I wanted to focus on music and my own life. But when she slapped him… the look on her face, man, she was heartbroken. From the few times I’ve spoken to her, she seemed really carefree and like nothing could touch her, y’know? But this did and it was Harry’s fault. He had to make it right.

Opal: When Giulia and I talked about California, she gave me the number to her brother’s place because she said she usually stays with him whenever she visits home. I told Harry to call and call again if she’s not there and keep calling until she answers the damn phone. 

Harry: I did. Her brother, Connor, answered.

Connor: I was very, very tempted to not leave the note that Harry called.

Harry: I was in the middle of writing some terrible song I forget the name of when Mitch told me Giulia was on the phone. When I answered, immediately, she sounded different than the girl that showed up on the doorstep, slapping me across the face.

She said, “Hi, Harry, you left a message?”

Giulia: He said, “I’m sorry, I really am,” and I knew he meant it.

Opal: I heard him ask if she wanted to come over while we try and write some new songs. An hour later she was at our door again.

Giulia helped write some of the lyrics for ‘Kiwi’ actually.

Harry: I think we actually got work done when she was there. She radiated determination, so much so that we had about half of the next album planned.

Giulia: Watching them in their atmosphere and getting to see the behind the scenes of their incredible songs was mesmerizing. In that moment, I wished I knew what it felt like to create something so personal, like a song about the person you love or the things you experience as you grow and continue to move day-to-day.

It was around one in the morning when I decided I should leave. I could’ve stayed there all night watching them, but I had to get up early the next day for early scenes in Cecilia.

Harry: I walked her to the door, thanking her for coming and for not hating me. She laughed at that, saying, “I don’t think I could ever hate you.”

Giulia: Harry walked me to the door and apologized again because he knew no one was listening in on our conversation. From the door, I could see Opal turned towards the rest of the band but I could tell her attention was on us. Because no one was actually looking our way, I pressed a small kiss to Harry’s cheek.

Harry: Her lips touched the corner of my mouth. From that alone, I knew she was never actually mad at me. And that’s why I never regretted what I did, even to this day.

Anna: Giulia called me the next day saying things were getting back to normal again. Harry apologized, she and Levi were on better terms, and Cecilia was going well.

By the end of 1973, The Dreamers were deep into their next big adventure: A sold out world tour. By the beginning of 1974, Giulia Stone was becoming the face of many different brands, including Yves Saint Laurent, Calvin Klein, and CoverGirl. Even Playboy wanted her for a cover. She was becoming the biggest name in Hollywood, surpassing that of even Levi Smith and Platinum.

Jessica: Turns out, the Harry incident actually turned into something quite bittersweet. Yeah, the initial reaction was sour, but a ton of different companies started lining up, begging her to be the face. If Giulia’s face was on an ad, odds were people were going to be invested in trying it out. 

Giulia: I felt kind of burnt out after Cecilia so it was good that I had other job opportunities to keep me busy. I didn’t like sitting in one place for too long, but I didn’t want to jump into a new role just yet, so this was perfect. 

Jessica: Her face was everywhere. Every billboard or poster you passed had that thick head of hair and those honey-colored eyes.

She was big. I couldn’t be prouder.

Giulia: I didn’t go back to New York for months. I saw Levi I believe twice for like, two days at a time because our schedules never aligned. [pauses] I think I started distancing myself from him without really realizing it. I didn’t think about that day, but subconsciously I must’ve because I had no desire to see him like a girlfriend usually would after not seeing her boyfriend in months. I think I was protecting myself yet I ignored all signs of officially leaving him.

Anna: Levi called me once - I guess he found my number in her apartment - and asked if I had heard from Giulia. I said I spoke to her a few days prior and he suddenly hung up on me. I thought that was very weird.

Giulia: I was in France to meet Yves Saint-Laurent when I found out The Dreamers had a show in Paris the next night. I begged Anna to get a flight over, even offered to pay. I hadn’t been around any familiar faces for a while, so I figured I might as well see everyone all at once.

Anna: I was in France by the next morning and I noticed that she didn’t invite Levi. I asked her, “Are you two okay?”

She shrugged her shoulders and said, “Yeah, but I didn’t want him here.”

I then told her about his strange phone call and that seemed to upset her.

Giulia: I can’t say I was girlfriend of the year, I’m perfectly aware I wasn’t, but I called Levi a lot. I know I didn’t really make an effort to physically see him, but I still called. He wasn’t on tour, so I knew where to reach him at all times because he was at our apartment. If I didn’t call, it would’ve been because I wasn’t near a phone, not that I just decided not to call.

When Anna and I got to the venue later that day, I decided to give him a call. Unfortunately, the only phone available was one in the band’s dressing room.

Harry: Giulia excused herself for a minute to use the phone and as soon as I heard her talking in a really low voice, I knew exactly who she was talking to.

Opal: When Giulia called Levi, Harry looked hurt. I think he expected that because she was with him and not her boyfriend, all of her attention and devotion would go to him, even just for the night. I believe he tried to cause drama, because he got real close to her and started talking louder, probably so Levi could hear him.

Niall: Harry hated that guy so much. He saw him as competition in every way; with the girl and the career. In regards to popularity, The Dreamers were maybe third compared to The Waves and Platinum. The heat was on.

Giulia: I knew what Harry was doing and I tried to get him to stop. I could hear it in Levi’s voice though that he heard Harry. His responses were short and clipped and by the end of the call he didn’t say “I love you” like he usually did.

Harry: When she hung up she turned around and hit me on the chest before shaking her head and walking away from me. I deserved it, I know. I didn’t deserve her, I know.

Opal: I asked her how Levi was and she said, “He’s in a bad mood, didn’t really want to talk.” She seemed a little broken.

Giulia: I knew it was time to go home, to try and fix things again. I had my needed space away but the distance was putting a stress over our heads - or just mine, at least. 

Opal: She said she hadn’t seen him in like two months or something and that he was just probably upset about that. 

Anna: Because I had no idea what was really going on with her and Levi, I got more and more worried about this whole situation with Harry. He was pursuing her and he was making it very, very obvious. And I think what made me worried was that it seemed like Giulia was accepting of it. She didn’t push him away like she did in the beginning.

Harry: At that show actually, my sister came to watch us. She didn’t keep up with any tabloid stuff or anything like that, so she didn’t really know anything about Giulia, like the fact that she was in a relationship. 

So, at one point she had said to me, “I think she likes you. You should go for it.” Little did she know that I was really trying.

When the night ended and it was time to get on the bus for the next stop, Giulia’s departure had been the exact same as it had been back in California. She hugged everyone goodbye, and then when she got to me, she pressed those same lips to the corner of my mouth when no one was looking. Our dirty little secret.

‘One Step Closer’ was written on the ride from Paris to Milan.

Opal: I think seventy-five percent of our entire discography was inspired by Giulia Stone. Every day Harry would say he had a new idea, and it was new but it was obvious the topic wasn’t new.

Harry: If they’re good songs, why should I stop writing them?

Opal: I don’t think he should’ve stopped writing them, because obviously they worked out in the end. But a lot of who we were revolved around Giulia. How do we become independent when people only care about our or Harry’s association with her?

Giulia: That next day I went home to New York. As soon as I got to my apartment, I wanted to leave. He wasn’t home, so I just took my time unpacking and cleaning up things that were messy. Then I figured I should probably do some laundry. That’s how I found out he had been cheating on me.

I tried rationalizing at first but it was impossible. I hadn’t been home in months, why would my clothes be in the laundry? It kind of makes me sick thinking that whoever she was, was comfortable enough to use my washer and dryer. I didn’t want to know how many times he shared my bed with another woman.

It took everything in me to not get on a flight out and go somewhere, anywhere. But if he was going to be on my ass about cheating on him - when I wasn’t, then I deserved to do the same.

He got back later that night, I don’t know where he was. He was surprised to see me but the surprise quickly switched back to disdain. He said, “What, got sick of your English love affair and decided to come home to your actual boyfriend?”

So I said, “When is the girl gonna come by to pick up her clothes?” That shut him up. He actually looked sorry, [laughs] or maybe he was just a really good actor. In a very calm voice I said, “I have told you before, and this will be the last time I tell you, that I have never cheated on you. Yet, you want to be a hypocrite?”

I think the use of that word is what got him all worked up. He started getting angry, saying I was lying and that he wasn’t a hypocrite and blah, blah. I don’t think he liked the fact that I wasn’t fazed by his curses and insults. When he realized I wasn’t paying him any attention, he got closer and got right in my face. I could feel his spit hitting my cheeks. The physical abuse was rare, it was always more verbal. To him, my life was useless. Without him I was no one. No one would love me or understand me like he did. He was the best I would ever get. And I believed him. That was part of the reason why I never left and why I avoided a relationship with Harry. But then out of nowhere, he slapped me.

It stung like a bitch and tears were in my eyes from the impact. When one tear fell, he completely switched personalities again and used his thumb to brush it away. It was a cycle of anger followed by sorrow and I didn’t know how to escape. 

That night we went to bed - or rather he did but I couldn’t sleep. Not while his arm was over my waist or his breath hitting the back of my neck. I remember crying as silently as I could so he wouldn’t wake up. I couldn’t… leave right away. I had to give it a few days before I avoided him again.

Anna: She called me and said she was going to California for a few days.

Connor: Giulia called me and said she was going to Europe for a few days.

Opal: Giulia Stone got hold of where we were staying and called me, asking if she could hang around for a few days.

I wondered if she was ever tired of flying on planes constantly.

Giulia: I started taking Adderall.

Opal: I saw a lot of people high on different shit all the time. I could tell she was hooked on something the moment I saw her again. Whatever was going on in her life had caused her to fall deeper into this hole that she tried her best to crawl out of.

Giulia: I kept lying to the people closest to me about my whereabouts for a while. I stayed with The Dreamers for a while. Wherever was left on their tour, I came with. I was thankful it was in Europe because there were a lot less paparazzi trailing me than if it had been in the states.

Anna: Connor and I had begun dating by this point. I wanted to tell her so badly, but I just never got the chance to because she never came home. 

Connor: Anna was so worried Giulia was going to be mad that we kept this secret from her but it was her own fault because she only had two minute phone calls with us before she’d hang up. 

She was so caught up in her own life that she didn’t even think to wonder how her family or true friends are doing. All she cared about was that band and her job.

Niall: Giulia stayed for the last… I don’t know, thirty shows. Almost three months.

SP: I’m almost positive Giulia and Harry were having an affair at that time. Who knows what went on with them after we all parted ways for the night.

Harry: Giulia never stayed in a room with me. She was with Opal every night.

Opal: One night, Giulia confessed she didn’t know what to do about Harry. She said, “I can’t keep pretending I don’t have feelings for him.”

I said, “You’re not pretending. Everyone knows you do.”

She laughed but then she started crying. She then said, “I’m in so much trouble.”

I asked her why but she didn’t give me a straight answer. I kind of figured because she was in this huge public relationship and openly liking another man isn’t exactly good for her image as this sweetheart.

Harry: When we were backstage in Berlin, Giulia was next to me on the couch and her hand was lightly touching my thigh. She looked like she was asleep but then I felt her touch the top of my thigh, right above my knee.

She said, “I adore you, Harry Styles, and I don’t know what to do.”

I asked her what that meant and she looked me in the eyes, and then my lips, and then back to my eyes before shaking her head and saying, “Nevermind.”

Giulia: I didn’t realize how long I had been with them. Time blurred together those months. I spoke to Anna maybe two or three times, my family the same. I don’t think I spoke to Jessica or Vince at all.

Vince: The thing about Hollywood is that if you’re not willing to put in the effort then no one is going to give a shit about you. She deserved a break, of course, but Giulia was behaving like she didn’t have a job to attend to. All of my calls were dodged and all of my offers were declined.

Acting isn’t a 9-to-5 job obviously and you can essentially make your own schedule, but I had other clients and Jessica had other things to handle so we can’t always be available for her when she’s ready. I gave her one final call and if she didn’t answer then that was going to be it for me.

Magically, she picked up.

Giulia: I happened to be home when Vince called me. I like to think that everything happens for a reason and this was one of those times. I didn’t like that apartment anymore so I tried to avoid it at all costs but I knew I had to make an appearance so Levi knew I was okay and to call anyone that had been looking for me.

I was hoping what he had to offer was away somewhere so I could get on a plane and have an excuse for not staying in New York but the part he told me about was on Broadway. I could tell he wasn’t happy with me so I knew I couldn’t ask for anything else: It was this or nothing.

So I had to stay home for work. I was not happy but after all this time abroad, deep down I knew it was nice to be back in my own bed.

Vince: The play was called ‘California’ and it was going to be her first professional performance in front of an audience. I thought it would be perfect for her, something that could ground her into her work again and get her mind off of whatever else was going on.

Giulia: The audition process was rough. There were a lot of amazing actresses vying for that lead role… yet somehow I prevailed. Theatre performance is different from film and I’d never done a play before so I was sure I was going to be denied because of my lack of experience.

Jessica: After she got the part, I could tell that this project meant a lot to her. She was rehearsing a lot and she was so excited to get to the opening weekend. It was nice knowing she was finally home.

Giulia: Things were going smoothly. Levi and I didn’t fight at all. Everything sort of felt like how it did when we first met. I was trying to hold back on the drugs and I didn’t touch alcohol for… two months, I think. 

Friday, November 15th, ‘California’ had garnered $10,000 its opening weekend in the Vivian Beaumont Theatre on Broadway. Giulia was highly praised for her role by critics, all of which hoped for more live performance in her future.

The Dreamers just released their lead single, ‘Adore You’ for their second studio album ‘Lover’s Lane’. It debuted at number two on the Billboard Hot 100.

Niall: The end of 1974 we were in a really good place with our music and as a band as a whole. We just couldn’t get that number one spot though.

Harry: The Waves were still technically the number one band in the world. Everything they released was getting a lot of hype and despite how good ‘Adore You’ was, we were always one step behind them.

Ned: Gordy and I got to talking, wondering what we could do to have them surpass the Waves. Then Giulia’s manager gave me a ring, saying she’d invited the band to the opening night of her new play.

Vince: I was beyond elated that people were finally opening their eyes to her talent. I can only imagine the timing of this appraisal was highly needed for, what with everything going on in her personal life.

Giulia: I was so nervous opening night. I had invited practically everyone I knew because I felt like it was going to be an empty theatre. Turns out, it was a full house. Each night was sold out.

My family was there for me, Anna, and of course I invited Levi. I also invited The Dreamers. I couldn’t not invite them, they were some of my best friends and I wanted them there. I didn’t expect them to show up though because the band just released ‘Lover’s Lane’ and they were busy with their own things but they still came.

Niall: Ned thought we should go. If Giulia was constantly showing her face around us, then it’s right that we do the same for her. Artists supporting other artists type of deal.

It was a really good play.

Harry: Seeing a movie is one thing, but coming to see her perform live in front of this big audience is different. I think of it just like when we perform music live. Seeing an act in person feels more raw than through a screen or through the radio.

Anna: I was really proud of Giulia. To see her perform like that was… words can’t describe how I felt watching her. I can’t imagine how proud of herself she was. 

Giulia: I didn’t know who was there until after it was all over. They all had met me backstage and I was running on adrenaline and my mom was the first person I saw. She was fresh out of tears and she had the biggest smile on her face and she came over and gave me the tightest hug. I can remember the feel of it even to this day.

Then I was swarmed by a bunch of people and I was so fucking happy. Like a kid on Christmas day. That’s when I noticed Harry, Opal, Niall, SP, and Mitch. It was unbelievable seeing them, you know. They were on a tight schedule and still came to see me… I could’ve cried.

Opal: It was a beautiful story and she did such a great job. To me, seeing that and then seeing her joy afterwards from how good it was, was worth the hassle of work. We could afford to take a day off for our friend. 

Giulia: Harry offered to pay for dinner for everyone. My parents already had made a reservation at the Rainbow Room as a little celebratory dinner and they refused but he insisted. It was funny watching the back and forth all night, by the time we had all finished -- and it was such a lovely night -- and my dad had asked for the check, our waitress had come over and said everything was already paid for.

Harry had gotten up to go to the bathroom at one point, or so he said, but he actually paid the bill. The look on my dad’s face was priceless and Harry was a smug little shit. Everyone was cracking up even my mom who had been on my dad’s side.

Connor: She was so happy that entire night, she didn’t even realize Levi hadn’t shown up.

Giulia: On the subway was when I noticed. My boyfriend wasn’t there and I didn’t even realize until the ride to the restaurant, and even then it didn’t really click in my mind. It makes sense why I was so happy that entire day. And I… I thought about being sad. One of the biggest moments in my career and he wasn’t there to witness it and overall that should’ve made me sad.

But it didn’t.

Connor: I like to say there was a shift that night between them. They were so blatantly in love with one another and it was so obvious to everyone but them. It was comical honestly.

Opal: By the end of the night they went into their own little world again, talking to each other and not really paying attention to anything else. I feel like we had to shout, “Just kiss already!” The tension and admiration between the two was just ridiculous. 

We were staying at the Baccarat, which was the complete opposite direction of Giulia’s apartment but she wanted to walk us there anyway claiming we could “get lost”. It was only a few streets away from the restaurant so I don’t think we could’ve gotten lost if we tried [laughs].

Harry: We were sort of trailing behind, not really saying anything just walking next to each other. It was crazy that we were walking out in the open, because New York is obviously very busy and anyone could see us and I wouldn’t usually have done that… but it was kind of like who we are didn’t matter in those few minutes.

Giulia: Of course the paparazzi had got us. If I were by myself I probably could’ve avoided them, but being with Harry puts this target on your back so-to-speak, because the media just absolutely loves him, and they absolutely love rumors of us dating. Their hotel was literally three blocks away so getting a car just seemed useless to me.

Do I regret it? Yeah. But would I go back and change it? No.

As soon as I heard the clicks of the camera my mind went into panic mode because Levi was going to see these photos. He was going to know that instead of being at home with him, I was out with Harry. It was bullshit because he didn’t even come to see me, but everything was about him and his feelings were the only ones that mattered.

Harry: When we had gotten to the hotel Giulia and I had stayed back in the lobby for a couple of minutes while the rest of the band went up to their rooms. I remember her looking around and her mood had sort of progressively got sadder, and it was obvious in her eyes. That’s one thing about her, no matter how she says she feels, her eyes give her away

I had asked her, “Are you okay?”

I could tell she wanted to lie by the way she didn’t answer me right away but I think she realized that was kind of pointless. I’m not saying she was easy to read -- I mean clearly not since she kept this huge secret -- but I could just tell something was wrong. 

She said, “He didn’t show up,” and this look of defeat had washed over her.

Giulia: I was mad, frustrated, pissed, sad, every emotion possible balled up into one person. Here was a guy in front of me who wasn’t supposed to be in the country, and he made the effort to support me. He’s not my boyfriend, he’s just a friend who has other obligations in his life.

Now, Levi had important things to do too. He was rehearsing for a new tour and all of that but he had told me he would be there. And the role of a boyfriend is to be there for your girlfriend, so he had no excuse. He just didn’t show up.

Harry: She had left it at that and thanked me for coming, thanked me for bringing my family, hugged me and that was it. The hug felt more like her holding onto me though, if that makes sense. Like she was scared to let go because as soon as she did, that would mean she had to go back to him.

When she pulled away she didn’t completely let go of me. Her hands were on my shoulders and we were looking at each other and it felt very… intimate. Like we were the only ones around.

I wanted to kiss her. Badly. It was a perfect moment. But I couldn’t.

Giulia: I wish he kissed me. I couldn’t be the one to initiate it, because morally that felt worse than if he did. But I wish he did. It would’ve made the pain worth it.

On the subway I cried. It was really starting to hit me that Levi wasn’t the same person anymore. I thought he loved me and cared about me, but I was wrong. Despite the abuse I thought deep down he was the same man I had fallen in love with. And I cried because I was blaming myself. I put all the blame on me because if I were a better girlfriend maybe he would be a better boyfriend. 

When I finally made it home I didn’t want to go in. I could hear the TV on through the front door. That scared me. He was waiting up for me.

I walked inside and this rush of déjà vu hit me, because this felt exactly like the first time. He was watching the news I think and I could see a bottle of beer in his lap. I didn’t bother greeting him because I figured maybe if I don’t say anything, he’ll just let me go. I wasn’t that lucky.

I tried to avoid him, but before I could get away he got up from the couch, beer bottle in his hand and he looked so fucking mad.

Then he started with, “You just don’t learn, do you?”

“I thought I told you to stay away from him, but you can’t keep your legs closed long enough, can you?”

“Do you think he’ll love you like I do? What, you think he won’t leave you the moment a better girl comes his way?”

“You’re damaged goods. No one is going to want to deal with your problems. No one wants a broken girlfriend. You’re mine and you need to get that through your head.”

To this day, I don’t know how he knew where I was or who I was with because the media didn’t spread that quickly back then. Those new pictures would’ve been out the next day. My guess is he was spying on me and maybe he had been this whole time, I’m not sure.

Levi threw the beer bottle at the wall behind me. He came stomping over and his rants became louder and louder until he was screaming in my face. But I couldn’t stay silent anymore. I was scared, but I was also mad. I screamed louder, telling him to go fuck himself or whatever girl he had in our bed the other night.

He went silent for a moment but that was the build up. Because then he punched me across the face. Full force. Knocked me so good that I fell and hit the corner of the little table we had by the front door. It cut into my jaw and I needed stitches, that’s why I have this scar. I was actually a couple inches from puncturing my carotid.

The happiest night of my life and it was ruined just like that.

Riding the high of their new studio album, ‘Lover’s Lane’, which debuted at number one, The Dreamers had gone home for a small break before the announcement of their second world tour.

Harry: It was nice being home again for a couple of months. After going to New York, there were only a few more things to do for work and then we went back to London. It felt good to be back in my own bed.

It was a couple days past the new year and I was being really lazy. The kind of laziness where I hardly got changed out of pajamas for a couple of days. I didn’t even talk to anyone for a few days, just really kept to myself.

Then, one night I get a knock on my door. It was just past six or seven, and I wasn’t expecting anyone, but then I looked through the peephole and saw it was her. Giulia Stone was at my door wearing a hat, sunglasses, a big scarf, and a huge winter jacket. It’s nighttime, why is she wearing sunglasses?

I opened the door and that’s when I saw a suitcase.

Giulia: I felt awful for just showing up like that, but I had no other option. He threw a couple of parties so overtime I remembered how to get to his place.

Harry: I noticed she had a cut lip and this scar on her face that wasn’t there the last time I had seen her. What the hell had happened to her? I didn’t even question why she was there because the marks on her face were evidence enough. I asked her, “Is everything okay?”

She took off her glasses and that’s when I saw her black eye. I could’ve guessed maybe she got into a fight with someone, but Giulia doesn’t get in random… bar fights or anything like that. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but what else could cause that?

Giulia: I asked him if I could stay over for a couple of days until I leave for my next movie, Midnight. I had to get out of New York and I didn’t have a place anywhere else or anyone else to go to. He was my only choice.

Anna was still living in New York but he would’ve found me if I went there. I couldn’t go home to my family looking like this. I truly didn’t know what to do.

Harry: I agreed of course. I let her in and she took off her jacket and shoes and then her scarf. That’s when I saw the marks on her neck. Those ones weren’t that bad, but obviously his fingers had gripped her neck hard enough to leave them. I felt sick looking at her, genuinely.

Giulia: The ones on my neck were from sex the week prior. I didn’t want his hand on my throat at all but that only egged him on to push harder. I’m all for a little fun but that wasn’t fun. That was torture.

My eye was because of a punch, and the lip was because of a backhand. He was wearing a ring.

Harry: I didn’t want to ask because it seemed like she wasn’t ready to talk about it and I wanted to respect that. Before I even thought about asking, she said, “Could I take a shower before I explain?”

Giulia: I wanted to scrub off any trace of him as best I could. Unfortunately, that didn’t include my mental state. I was such a mess and I didn’t know how to cope.

After the first punch, I knew it was time to end things, I just didn’t know how. A relationship like this with an abusive partner isn’t something you can just end. There is no I don’t love you anymore, we can’t be together. There’s manipulation involved and even after that punch, I still blamed everything on myself, because that’s what he made me believe. I was scared to leave him because I was afraid he was going to do worse damage. It was this cycle of fear which resulted in me staying with him for longer, and then that caused more pain and more fear and so-on and so-forth.

People are quick to say, y’know, why didn’t you just leave? When you’re in it, it’s different from being on the outside. It’s so different.

Harry: I made her some tea, and set up the pull-out couch I had because I didn’t have a second bedroom in this place anymore. I never moved after we started getting money, so the second room was converted into my own little home studio. After that night though, I realized I should probably start looking for a bigger place. She deserved to sleep in a comfortable bed but she ended up taking the couch because she’s just that stubborn.

Giulia: His bed is his bed. I’d be okay on a couch.

Harry: She looked cleaner, but her black eye was so prominent, and she looked so -- unironically -- beaten down. As much as I could care for her physically, there was no helping her mentally and I felt useless. I mean, there was nothing I could do, but it was awful seeing her like this.

Giulia: After that first punch and after I went to the hospital to get stitches I told Levi, “I don’t think we work anymore.” He gave me this whole spiel about how he didn’t mean it and all of this other crap and he would make it up to me for the rest of his life. I didn’t want that though but in fear of being hurt again I just accepted what he had to say.

Come New Year’s Eve that year, we had gone to a party with his friends. I didn’t like his friends very much because I knew they didn’t like me. I didn’t want to be there but if I wanted at all to be a normal relationship then we needed to spend time together.

Long story short, the time for the ball drop came around and I didn’t know where Levi had gone. Twenty seconds before the new year he joined the rest of the crowd with a girl trailing right behind him - and then when it was officially the new year, he kissed her. Not me, his girlfriend.

That night I told him I was done and I wanted him out of my apartment. That’s how I got the black eye and the cut lip.

If he wasn’t going to leave then I was. He passed out not long after so I packed as much shit as I could then I went to a hotel for a few nights. I didn’t immediately run to Harry but being in the same city, state, country as Levi was giving me a lot of anxiety so I had to get out of there.

Harry: I was the first person she told about Levi. Not her family, not her best friend she’s known all her life. Me.

Giulia: I knew he wouldn’t have picked Levi’s side. Obviously now I know my family would’ve been on my side, but back then I didn’t. Harry was my safest choice. I mean, Harry knew Levi couldn’t stand him, so this only gave him more reason to hate him, if I’m honest. And I needed someone else on my side.

Harry: Now, I’m not a violent person. I preach to treat people with kindness. But when she told me, I wanted to hurt him. Definitely I did. If you’re so malicious that you’re willing to punch, beat, and assault your girlfriend, then I have no kindness reserved for you.

If I saw him today, I’d give him his own scar. No doubt in my mind.

The first night, I had gotten up at around two in the morning and I could hear the TV still on in the living room. I got up to check if she was sleeping and once I opened the door to my bedroom I could hear her. She was crying. And when I walked a little further out into the hall, I could see her hugging her knees and her body just… shaking.

I don’t like thinking about the night at all. She was wearing this tank top so I could see more scratches and fingerprints on her shoulders and back. I think I felt my heart literally break at the sight.

Giulia: I’m not sure I remember where the other marks came from. I sort of blacked out during those last couple of weeks with Levi. Honestly, showing up on Harry’s doorstep is the first thing I remember from that era. I don’t remember performing on Broadway, Christmas, or even getting on the plane and flying to London. I don’t remember crying on his couch that night either. I don’t remember a lot, and that’s a little concerning.

Harry: Giulia hardly cries in front of anyone, so I knew I wasn’t meant to witness that. It felt wrong leaving her alone but I knew she would close up if she saw me standing there.

After that first day though we didn’t really talk about him or what was going on through her mind. If she wanted to, I would listen, but I wasn’t going to force her into it. I was there to take her mind off of it.

Those two weeks were the most I’ve ever played scrabble.

Giulia: I appreciated him so much. He had some family things that he went to and he offered me to join him, but my eye still wasn’t fully healed and I’m not the best with makeup so I declined but he always made sure to ask. He wanted to watch some of my favorite movies with me, and even bought me my favorite candy to eat while watching.

I never want to play scrabble ever again though.

Gemma Styles: I called Harry at one point during those couple of weeks, and I could’ve sworn I heard her in the background. He claimed it was the TV, and I guess he could’ve been watching one of her movies, but what are the odds of that?

Giulia: I was in trouble though. I had repressed my feelings for him because I was so deeply invested in Levi and now… they were coming to the surface. Harry and Levi were total opposites in every single way possible. This wasn’t good, because I couldn’t hop into a new relationship after just fleeing from one. But, fuck did I want to.

Harry: If I could change that last night I would. A couple of weeks had passed by this point and her black eye had nearly gone and she just seemed to be in a better mood than when she first showed up. It was good to see her with a smile on her face again -- a genuine one at that. 

My birthday was in a few days and a couple of friends wanted to go out and I asked if she wanted to join and to my surprise, she said yes.

Giulia: He was turning twenty-five. I wanted to celebrate it with him since I wasn’t going to be there for his actual birthday.

He was so happy and it was nice to see him in a dynamic that wasn’t work related. It felt like I was part of his life, being around his friends from home and in one of his favorite bars. I was fucked and I knew it, especially because his friends kept making jokes about us.

Harry: We got back to mine around one in the morning and we were both mildly plastered. I remember trying to take off my boots and falling backwards onto the couch. She laughed at me and then helped me take them off, while still laughing.

Giulia: He was a bit more gone than I was, but I still wasn’t in the right headspace. Nothing should’ve happened, nothing was supposed to happen. I could’ve stopped him from getting up and getting close to me. I should’ve told him to stop looking at me and should’ve stopped him from saying, “I really want to kiss you right now.”

And I should’ve never said, “Me too.”

Harry: I’m happy she did. I think it needed to happen when it did. Who’s to say we would be here now if it didn’t happen?

Giulia: His hands were on my face and at one point I could feel his thumb graze over my scar and it was… Feeling his gentle touch on my face, that’s been marked by violence… How could I not have kissed him? He’s perfect.

It couldn’t go any further though. It was a simple kiss and that’s all it could be.

Harry: When I woke up the next morning she was gone.

Giulia: I cut my London trip short by two days. It was a really hard decision, but I was in no place to give Harry an idea of something that couldn’t happen. I needed to be alone and I couldn’t stay anymore. I left him a note thanking him for being so kind to me and that I would call him soon, but we both knew that was a lie.

Harry: I didn’t deserve that. We’re both adults, it could’ve been resolved if we had talked but she just left.

Jessica: Giulia had called me sometime early February and asked if her schedule was busy this year. From what I had lined up so far, it was decently busy but pretty spaced out. She told me, “Fill in any gaps. I don’t care what it is, just keep me busy.” She didn’t want to be home again.

Anna: We missed her. I wanted my best friend home. When I finally told her the news about Connor and I, she was so genuinely happy for us. It didn’t take long for us to get engaged and when it happened [pauses] I wanted to tell her so badly but I didn’t know where she was.

Niall: When we got back to doing some promo for ‘Lover’s Lane’, I was talking to Harry and asked him how his birthday went and everything and he had mentioned Giulia was there. Then, y’know I asked about her because it had been a while since I'd seen her and they’re close and whatnot and the look on his face… it was obvious something had happened between them.

Opal: We were all curious, as humans are, but he didn’t budge. He had nothing bad to say, but he didn’t have anything good either. I think we all thought that was the end of them.

Harry: She never called like she said she would. I wouldn’t say I was waiting around for my phone to ring but I really wanted her to call me.

I thought I did something wrong. 

Niall: Giulia had come around so often, that it was weird not having her there.

Anna: By this point, I moved back to California and in with Connor. It was about mid-April when Giulia showed her face again. I was mad because I didn’t deserve this sort of treatment from my best friend but when I saw her I knew something was wrong. Though she didn’t want to talk about her at first. She saw my ring and just for a little while, the Giulia I used to know was in front of me again. Happy, smiling, laughing. 

Giulia: I eventually told her Levi and I separated

Anna: No details included about why. She also talked about how she felt like a whore for wanting to be with Harry right after.

There’s no shame in losing feelings for someone and then falling for someone else. There’s no set time of grievance when dealing with a breakup, there’s just life. If she wanted to be with Harry, then that was it. But it wasn’t as simple.

Giulia: I was pregnant. I was going to call Harry after my talk with Anna, I was but I had a lot going on. I didn’t know how to be a mother and I knew I wasn’t in the right place to learn how to be one. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t go through with an abortion yet there was going to be no way I could give my baby up for adoption or raise it myself.

I knew I would’ve had support from Anna and my family but I was young… I could hardly take care of myself. [long pause] Eventually all of my questions had been answered.

Losing a baby at seventeen weeks is rare… but if anything rare is going to happen it’s going to happen to me because that’s my luck whether it be good or bad.

I have a feeling it was a boy. [pauses] I really liked the name August.

Anna: I don’t think anyone could’ve prepared for that horrible night. I just remember hearing her cry and scream. We had called 911 and I just held her in my arms as she cried. Over and over again she mumbled, “I can’t lose my baby.”

Sorry… I’m getting really emotional even thinking about it.

Giulia: I needed help badly. I needed serious help because after I lost my baby… I genuinely felt so empty on the inside. What kind of world do I live in where not even my own blood and DNA wants to be with me? What did I do to deserve all of this?

Jessica: Everything she told me to schedule for her, she cancelled. She said, “I’m not in the right place of mind to work right now. I’m sorry for the inconvenience but I’ll call you when I’m feeling better.” That was the last I’d heard from her for a while. I had no idea what was going on with her.

Harry: It was June by the time she called. I had half the mind to ignore her and make her wait around.

Giulia: I apologized as soon as I heard him answer.

Harry: She asked if we could talk in person. I had time, but I told her I was too busy. I was pissed off and I needed time to get my head straight.

Giulia: I completely understood where he was coming from. Listen, I know I pulled a super shitty move by leaving him without any sort of goodbye after our kiss, and I know it was also super shitty of me to expect him to want to see me after that but I wanted my friend back. I needed a reason to forget all of the horrible things I’ve endured.

News also got around that Levi was with someone new. It was great seeing him move on so easily while I was over here slowly losing my goddamn mind. I don’t pray but I did for her. I didn’t want someone else to go through this pain.

Harry: When I called her back and told her when I’d be available, she agreed immediately. I was already in California so we met up in Malibu at a cafe.

Giulia: I kept Anna’s words at the back of my mind about not feeling guilty for moving on from Levi, especially since he did. But I didn’t know who I was anymore and it didn’t feel right to lay all of this baggage on Harry.

Harry: When she told me of… her miscarriage, I knew the whole topic of our first kiss was the very last thing on her mind.

Giulia: The months away from Harry all I could think about was that kiss and how it made me feel. It was the last time I was happy and I wished I could do anything to get back to that night and not mess it up like I did.

Harry: She told me she felt very deeply for me but she needed to work on herself first before getting into a new relationship. I knew where she was coming from but I wanted to be beside her and help her get through all of this; I didn’t want her to push me away for good.

Giulia: I told him the truth. That I wasn’t in the right mindset to be in another relationship just yet, and that what we had going on was pushing me to the edge of insanity. I wanted to be with him, it just wasn’t the right time. I needed to get help first before I unloaded all of my baggage onto him. Granted, I already did that, and that wasn’t right of me. I needed to seek out professional help.

I also told him I love him.

Harry: She said, “I love you, and that’s why I can’t be with you right now. You don’t deserve someone as broken as me. You deserve more and I’m sorry that can’t be me.”

I love you.

Fuck that, I loved her too. And if I wanted to be with her then that was my choice. But she didn’t let me make that decision and instead made it for the both of us. And y’know, there’s that saying that if you love something you have to let it go: but it’s bullshit. If you love someone, don’t push them away, that’s the worst thing you can do.

Giulia: I kissed him goodbye, and then that was it. I’m pretty sure this inspired the song ‘Love You Goodbye’.

Anna: I drove her to rehab soon after that conversation with Harry. It seems like he and what he means to her is what pushed her to get clean. She wanted to do better because of him.

Dr. Katerina Baros (therapist): Giulia had a long list of trauma to unpack. She never fully recovered from her car accident, mentally, and this would prove to be the stimulant that unfolded everything else. 

The pressure of the limelight and being named the Princess of Hollywood followed by an overworked schedule is enough to bear weight on someone’s shoulders. Add that to her relationship with Levi Smith and her mixed feelings for Harry Styles, she had a lot going on. She felt like she didn’t deserve anything good anymore because bad things continued to happen no matter what.

I remember telling her that bad things are only bad if you hold them in a negative light. But if you hold these events accountable for what they did to you and if you confront them, you can start to view them as something that shaped you into who you are now. For example, a breakup most times is bad and it hurts to think about; but once you confront that pain you can start to say, “Hey, I’m better off without you and I’m glad we’re not together anymore.” It’s all about perspective and what you choose to do with it.

Giulia: I left rehab on October 15th, 1975 and since then I’ve never felt more grateful to be alive. 

Dr. Baros: We continued to see each other once a week after she left. It took a while to build up that self-worth and self-appreciation again but in the end we got there.

Anna: She became really involved with the planning of Connor and I’s wedding. Because of her, we were able to push the date up to December that year instead of summer the next. She even offered to pay for everything, which we continued to deny each time [laughs] she was very persistent. I did have one small request though.

Niall: It was a little strange playing to a small crowd again. It was also really wholesome. It reminded us of where exactly we had come from, y’know. Plus, free booze is always a bonus.

Giulia: It was really nice seeing everyone again for the first time in over a year.

Opal: It felt like I was meeting someone entirely new. She was the reincarnation of Giulia Stone.

Harry: She wasn’t the same woman I saw six months prior. She was glowing again and her big eyes were full of life. It was impossible to get her off the dance floor.

Connor: After rehab, Giulia sold the apartment in New York and moved back to California. That old, bad feeling I had after her move over to the east coast went away. My sister was finally back.

Harry: As maid of honor, and as part of the band, we didn’t really have any time to be alone. Though, I did catch glances from her when I was on the stage; little sultry looks that hooked me back to her. We played ‘Adore You’ per request, and the whole time I was looking at her. When the final “Just let me adore you / like it’s the only thing I’ll ever do” came, she smiled up at me and mouthed, “Okay.”

Giulia: My feelings after all this time seemed to only grow stronger as we came back into each other’s lives. I was in love with him and I was in love with being happy.

#also don't forget to reblog if you liked her <3 #star crossed series #harry styles series #harry styles imagine #harry styles one shot #harry styles au #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles angst #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles fic #harry styles writing #harry styles #one direction fanfiction

[hualianff]

Vampire/Human AU

(Slight NSFW, angst)

Thinking about vampire HC who owns a vampire-friendly bar with humans who apply as donors to supply fresh blood for vampires willing to pay the expensive prices. When a human with beautiful amber eyes, soft facial features, and blood that smells absolutely delectable, walks in, every vampire whips their heads towards the door. The human approaches one of the staff, YY, to inquire about becoming a donor. HC watches as the enticing morsel follows YY into a room to finalize his application.

Right after the human leaves thirty minutes later–YY probably having said it would take a few days to find him a match–HC pulls YY aside, demanding to have a look over the papers the new donor filled out. After a quick scan, HC shoves the papers back to YY with a click of his tongue,

“No need to find him a match. He’s mine.”

A human whose blood smells heavenly, who has never been bitten or even nipped by a vampire. HC wants to corrupt him. Ruin him.

The next night, HC has the human, XL, meet him in his personal feeding room. There’s a luxurious velvet couch to the side, a pristine glass table with fancy wine and glasses, and a king-sized bed with crimson silk laid upon the mattress.

HC, like most vampires, typically feeds while stimulating their donors. This can be done with something as simple as kissing or full-on intercourse. Not only does this relax the human’s nerves so they won’t tense up before being bitten, but the toxins injected into their system after being bitten feels incredibly euphoric, serving as a kind of aphrodisiac. Many humans donate their blood in this way for the sole reason of attaining this heightened sense of pleasure.

But as soon as XL enters the room in front of HC, his mind freezes as he sees the bed.

“I’m a virgin,” he blurts out, wide eyes panicked as he looks at the vampire. HC raises his eyebrow, unperturbed.

“We can work with that.”

XL gulps.

“I’ve also never kissed anyone.”

HC runs a tongue along his sharp fangs.

“Do you want to change that?” The vampire asks, walking up behind the human, pressing his chest against XL’s back. HC hears XL’s heart rate pick up at the proposition. It’s an unspoken yes, though XL also imperceptibly nods his head. He does not see HC’s lips spread into a vicious grin. However, XL does feel lips brush against the shell of his ear, sending shivers down his spine.

“Use your words, precious. Do you want to be kissed? Want to be touched, experience pleasure beyond comprehension?” HC murmurs, skimming his lips across XL’s nape. “I can fuck you too. Push into your little body as I sink my fangs into your neck. I’d place them right here-“ HC taps XL’s jugular, the human jerking to the side with a gasp. “-oh? So sensitive. All the better. I can make you feel so good.”

XL’s breath quickens, ever so slightly leaning back into HC’s tall frame. HC leans forward to catch a glimpse of those doe eyes regarding him with caution. Oh, how he wants to eat this human alive. HC turns XL around by his shoulders. He lowers his head to bump foreheads with XL, forcing the human to look into his red-tinged eyes.

“Is that a yes?”

XL blinks those doe eyes once, then twice.

“Yes.”

HC brings his hand up to brush a hair away from the human’s head.

“Wonderful.”

***

XL is at the point in his life when he lost everything. He chose to pursue a career outside of his parents’ embroidery business despite being expected to take over the shop after college. Abandoning college altogether, XL went off on his own to chase his dream to become a singer.

A few years later, where XL was provinces away from home, XL’s parents’ business had gone under, devastating them as they could no longer pay for their medical bills. Upon hearing the news, XL rushed back home to take care of them. It seemed they had kept their declining health conditions under wraps. They were too prideful to admit their weakening physical states; they also did not want to guilt XL into giving up on his ambitions to take care of them.

XL’s parents lasted one year before passing away, his father first due to prostate cancer, his mother one month later after succumbing to exhaustion and grief. XL lost their home along with the shop merely a week later, unable to pay off the debt. His parents had used up their savings for their medical expenses and XL had been scraping by as a musician for years. Additionally, there was no one he could confide in. He had lost contact with his friends as he moved from city to city, busking on streets, attempting to catch the attention of music labels.

XL was utterly alone. There were days when not even music could bring an ounce of comfort. However, music was the thing that kept him sane between the various side jobs he managed to pick up to keep him off the streets.

As if the fates decided XL had had enough bad luck for a lifetime, a CEO of a fairly well-known label offered him a business card after a busking session. It was JW of Capital Records who gave XL hope of achieving his dream. XL spent most of his late 20s under the label, training and practicing and producing. He had the chance to record a couple of singles and one mini-album–which he didn’t get to participate much in the production side–but other than that, XL didn’t make it far. He was tremendously overworked and yet, still discarded to the side.

Wondering why he wasn’t provided the opportunities other artists received to further their careers, XL scheduled a one-on-one meeting with the CEO to ask what he was lacking. JW had insisted he could give XL more opportunities if XL could offer something more than just his serene vocals and pretty face.

The unspoken suggestion that XL offer up his body pierced his heart with yet another stake. Overwhelming disappointment and betrayal crashed into XL, but perhaps he should have known better that the whole situation was too good to be true. XL vehemently rejected this idea, angering JW who eventually tore XL down to the point of a medical emergency that allowed him to leave the agency without repercussions.

At age thirty-two, XL was left with no family, mental and physical trauma, and a dying will. Ironically enough, the song lyrics he’d written after experiencing so much loss were the closest thing to making music he’d gotten. But in the end, XL still felt like a failure.

Now in Xi’an, XL was left with limited options to earn money for rent. He already worked two part-time jobs in addition to writing music—though even time set aside for this has dwindled.

One night, as XL was walking home after closing up the convenience store, he saw the neon lights of the sign “Ghost City.” He’s heard many things about this club and is no stranger to the existence of nonhuman creatures roaming amongst human society. After hours of research, XL decided to apply to become a blood donor. It’s not like he had a better option that paid more anyway.

XL’s hope to somehow redeem his past actions has all but fizzled out. He doesn’t expect a vampire like HC to care about his comfort or consent when feeding, though HC still prioritizes these things for some reason.

XL has never looked at his body and thought about the best ways to pleasure himself. HC shows him how. HC caresses and kisses XL like he’s worth being handled with care; HC also invades XL’s body as a threat to break it, broadcasting a vampire’s strength, speed, and endurance in the bedroom.

XL can go as far as to say he even looks forward to his time with HC. In between a busy work life and dealing with people who would rather look the other way than give him the time of day, XL’s mind and body steadily weaken.

It starts with memory loss, where XL can’t clearly remember the conversations he’d had the day before. One of the reasons this develops is because he goes through many days without having anyone to tell about his day. It’s like the life XL lives is so insignificant, nothing about it is worth remembering.

Then, it’s the lack of eating. Most of XL’s money goes towards rent, essentials, and groceries. But he’s not a great cook. And he’s already drained by the time he gets home after working both jobs and visiting Ghost City. XL’s stress doesn’t help, adding to the fatigue that gradually shuts his body down.

While HC might not be able to taste a difference in XL’s blood, he does notice how frail the human moves around. How delayed XL responds, more so than he should be–even as a human. XL has scheduled more visits: three times a week this time. However, his words become less. He stops telling the little stories that brought a small smile to his face. XL doesn’t even mention the songs he’s been working on lately.

HC forces himself to ask about them after an especially rough coupling.

“How’s the songwriting going, darling?” HC asks quietly. He props his elbow upon his pillow, resting his cheek on his hand as he intently observes the human struggling to catch his breath, eyelids fluttering.

“I haven’t written anything new,” XL breathily answers. HC purses his lips. He ducks down to affectionately tongue at the skin his fangs pierced.

“No? In how long?” HC asks. XL sighs heavily.

“Maybe three weeks.”

HC doesn’t know what to say to that. He’s not one to console anybody. No one had afforded him that luxury, and naturally, he did not grant anyone else his concern. The silence that follows is unbearable.

***

The next time XL visits, he’s the one to initiate their first kiss. HC growls happily against his human’s lips, pinning him against the closed door of his private room. XL moans obscenely as HC languidly licks into his mouth. His arms desperately wrap around HC’s neck to bring him closer.

“Someone’s eager,” HC says with a chuckle as he pulls back. XL instantly attaches his lips to the vampire’s jaw, peppering light kisses along the pale skin. HC can’t help but think he’s taught his little human well. XL hums while trailing his lips back to HC’s, capturing them in a kiss that’s the sweetest one yet.

HC should’ve noticed how unstable XL’s legs seemed, how dreadful the bags under his eyes looked before indulging in their bedroom activities. He should’ve kept track all along of how thin XL is, how much more skin and bone he had become. HC is certainly not one to intrude on someone else’s life and scrutinize all their choices. But he should’ve said something sooner.

Maybe then, XL’s heart wouldn’t have stuttered so violently, or completely stopped beating for five counts.

HC watches in horror as XL’s eyes roll into the back of his head. His human’s body goes limp in his arms, collapsing into HC’s chest. When XL’s heart beat starts up again, it’s very weak. There’s a noticeable abnormality in its rhythm.

HC quickly gathers XL in his arms and speeds to the bed. He sits back against the pillow, placing XL to recline against his front. HC hooks his arms around XL’s middle from behind, anxiously listening to XL’s irregular heartbeat that seems like it takes all of his human’s energy to pump. Luckily, XL awakens a few minutes later. He registers a cold embrace and warm puffs of breath lingering near his ear.

“Did I pass out?” XL wheezes out, unconsciously melting into the body behind him.

“Yes,” HC says tightly. “Your heartbeat is uneven. Something is wrong.”

XL can’t tell if he’s imagining it but that sounded like worry in the vampire’s tone.

“Oh.”

HC inhales sharply.

“You just fainted, Xie Lian. Hell, your heart just stopped for a few seconds, and all you have to say is ‘oh?’” HC grinds out.

So he is upset. XL swallows thickly, not wanting to escalate things and further upset the vampire.

“It’s okay,” XL says. “I’m okay-“

“No. You’re not,” HC interrupts.

XL takes a deep breath, wincing slightly as HC tightens his arms around his hips. He’s more sensitive than normal, XL realizes. Before XL can defend himself further, HC grasps XL’s chin and turns his head to face the vampire.

“You’re hiding something from me,” he states. He hears XL’s heart speed up. “There’s no use in lying. I can tell you’ve grown weaker since you first came.”

“Well, I have been donating my blood to a certain vampire for a few months now. I’m bound to be a bit weak in my legs,” XL replies as a matter of factly. He means to poke fun at the situation rather than acknowledge the severity of it. HC knows this because he’s done it numerous times himself. But when XL does it, it makes HC’s blood boil.

“Are you saying I am causing this- this deterioration in your health?” HC asks tensely. XL lets out a gasp, whirling around in HC’s arms, immediately backpedaling.

“No! No, not at all.”

HC’s eyes assess his human who trembles slightly in his arms. He cradles XL in between his legs, hands shifting XL further up his body so he can rest his head on HC’s chest. HC gently pets XL’s hair, an action that was uncharacteristic of him months ago, before XL had walked through the entrance of his bar.

XL gently smiles in an attempt to placate the vampire.

HC’s eyes flash a frightening scarlet.

“I don’t believe you.”

XL’s face crumples.

“It’s true! I’ve just been really busy is all. Work has been hectic and- and-“ gone is the innocence that HC once saw in XL’s doe eyes, instead replaced by stress and utter brokenness that alarms the vampire to no end. A voice in the back of HC’s head snarls that those emotions had always been behind XL’s eyes; they were simply better hidden, and HC had been too lust-driven to notice.

XL continues his rambling, frantically shaking his head. “-I took some extra shifts because I needed the money to pay for some water damage that flooded half my apartment. I’m fine—truly.“

If HC had a beating heart, it would have dropped down to his stomach at the sudden realization. His fingers dig into the paper-thin skin of XL’s hips, then trace up the bony knobs of his spine.

“You’re not eating right.”

“Wait- S-san Lang-“

The nickname HC had asked XL to call him is hurdled back into his face like a stone aimed to shatter. It sounds like a cry for help.

“And you’re not getting enough sleep,” HC concludes with a disapproving frown. His eyes now glow a deep crimson, matching the silken sheets that HC ensures are in perfect condition every time XL visits.

“Fuck, XIE LIAN, you know you need proper nutrition and rest to recover from each night you spend with me!” HC is nearly shouting now, voice wavering out of his control. Who knew another creature could make him feel so strongly?

“I-I am!”

“I SAID NOT TO LIE TO ME. I CAN TELL WHEN YOU’RE NOT BEING HONEST,” HC explodes, spatting those words with a poison that he often uses with uncooperative subordinates, but never directed at XL before.

Tears glisten in XL’s eyes as he’s cornered with no way out, no relief from the building pressure that suffocates him. Right now, after everything XL has been through, this seems to be his tipping point. He never expected HC to care this much. Or perhaps HC is just concerned his reliable supply of blood is flaking out on him, just when he’s had a feasible taste.

XL is sure HC has plenty of other donors to feed on. It’s not like XL is particularly special in that way. Frankly speaking, XL had time and time again asked the universe to give him one last sign that his life mattered in some capacity. But if he couldn’t see the value in his own life, who else could?

XL scrambles off from HC’s lap, allowing himself to speak with the deep-seated spite that has grown in his heart like an untamable weed.

“THERE’S NO NEED TO GET SO WORKED UP OVER MY HEALTH!! I’LL BE GONE SOON ANYWAY! THE DOCTOR GAVE ME THREE MORE MONTHS,” XL screams, having to catch his breath after exerting so much power into his voice. “So there. You have my answer. I’m not lying this time. Just one a couple more months and then- then you won’t have to deal with my shit anymore, okay?”

HC can’t move. He can’t speak either. The shock taking over his system renders his mind and body completely useless. He can only stare blankly at XL whose tears now cascade down his cheeks.  

No, this cannot be happening-

XL’s whimpers pull HC out of his head. The human hugs his own frail body, shivering from a coldness that does not exist in the room.

How did HC let it get so bad?

“I’m sick, San Lang. Very, very sick. Not just physically,” XL whispers defeatedly, letting out a small hiccup.

HC doesn’t hesitate to surge forward to throw his arms around XL, hugging him once more. It’s a habit now—to hold XL whenever he could. Now, HC wonders how many more times he would get this chance before it was inevitably the last.

“Xie Lian…”

“I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I-I just can’t eat. Sometimes from stress, other times I completely forget. And I want to rest, but I end up laying in bed awake for hours a-and my mind just won’t let me sleep-”

For the first time in over a decade, there is someone else to hear XL’s agonized wails.

“Please believe me, San Lang. Please."

#tgcf #heaven official's blessing #tian guan ci fu #hualian #hualian au #cerdrabbles #xie lian #hua cheng #human xie lian #vampire hua cheng #sorry it's rushed

[teddy06writes]

Come Back Home

requested by this anon: “ hello!! i was wondering if i could have a karl x sapnap x quackity x reader where the reader falls out with one of them and there’s loads of angst, but it ends in fluff and just cute stuff. i love ur writing so much, thank you <3″

as well as this one: “ hello :D may i request some angst then comfort scenes for a karl x quackity x sapnap x reader? “

so....

sapnap x karl x quackity x reader (lowkey musician!reader)

trigger warnings: yelling, swearing, mentions of hook ups, drinking, angst

premise: you think you might be falling out of love, or something close to that with your boyfriends, so you ask to take a break until you can figure things out, and nothing seems to feel right till you go back; song credit is Come Back Home by Anthony Ramos {I changed parts of the second verse}

(y/n/n)- your nickname

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“I- I never said I knew that I was!” You argued. 

Alex folded his arms, “What about them? You fucking lying to them too?” 

You ran a hand through your hair, “I’m not lying about anything!” 

“YOU JUST SAID YOU WERE FALLING OUT OF LOVE!” you jumped, surprised at his yelling, “So if that’s true why’d you fucking tell us you loved us last night?” 

“I don’t know if I am Alex! I need time to figure this out!” 

“So it’s just me then. You just want to leave me!” 

“I might be falling out of love with all of you!” You shakily admitted, desperately searching your boyfriends eyes, “And I’m terrified! I don’t want to fall out of love! I don’t want to leave any of you! I just need time to figure this out.” 

Alex sat in silence, refusing to look at you. 

Shakily you grabbed the bag you’d been packing when he found you, just a few of the outfits you kept at that apartment, along with your music stuff, “I’m going back to California, just for a month or so.” 

“I thought you sold the apartment.” He sounded to blunt, to broken. 

“I pulled out of the deal, and my stuff hadn’t been shipped yet. I- I don’t want to leave Alex,” You slipped your bag over your shoulder, “I- didn’t want it to be like this.” 

“So you were going to leave when they were out.” He spat. 

You froze in grabbing your guitar, “I was going to try and make this hurt less. If me leaving to find out if I should stay or not is what it takes, then why make it hurt more?” 

“What am I suppose to tell them?” Alex asked desperately. 

“The truth. I’ll be back when I figure this out.” 

“And if it isn’t what I want it to be?” 

You took a deep breath, “I think you’ll know.”

You walked out the door, trying to ignore the way small sobs filled the apartment as you left, tears working there way into your own eyes.

~~

California, though isolating you enough to sort out your feelings, was far too numbing to provide Alex the technical closer he thought was coming. 

Karl had been heartbroken when he found out you left, and the few months that you’d been gone had only helped to break him more, especially as the only news they got about you came from the updates on your upcoming album. 

Nick had been equally heartbroken,  though somewhat mad, he’d learned to live with it, instead focusing his angry energy into keeping his boyfriends together and functional. 

~~

You sighed, sitting up as your apartment door closed. 

You knew it was wrong, deep down, these one night stands, and evenings lost in a haze of alcohol, deep down, you missed them, and none of this was making the feelings you’d tried to press back down after the first experimental hook up. 

Rubbing at your eyes you quietly began to get dressed, ideas running through your mind. 

Pulling up twitter you found yourself scrolling through Alex’s twitter, he seemed to be doing okay, Nick was, well he hadn’t been active on twitter before, but Karl’s twitter remained silent. 

That was what got you worried. 

Karl was never not active on twitter, but even his second account had remained quiet since you left. 

Grabbing a bottle of water you sat down, thankful for your moment of clarity as you picked up your guitar, ready to get to work. 

“I only feel the ground under my feet...”

This was going to be a huge gamble.

~~

“Guys!” Karl called softly from his place on the couch. 

“Yeah baby?” Alex yawned. 

“(y/n) just posted a new single on youtube.” 

“So?” Nick asked, bitterly, “Why should we care?” 

“Oh, I- I was just wondering, if we could watch it. We- we don’t have to.” Karl said softly. 

Nick softened upon hearing his voice, “Alright, lets see it.” 

They cuddled together next to Karl as he pulled up the video, the description reading, ‘come back home, less of an apology, more of a plea’.

The video opened on a dark room, partially lit by a lamp in the corner, only about half of your face was visible, as well as the guitar in your hands. 

You took a deep breath a sighed, before beginning to play. 

The screen split to show the recordings of you playing the other parts, both in similar dark rooms. 

“I had to leave, to see, how good I had it, I had it, I had to go, to know how good I had it. Would you have me if I came back home?” 

They watched as the scene shifted, you as you walked through a park in LA, “My mama said when I was six years old,  I would always sit up by the window, I would always say this city way too cold. Wish there was another place I could go She would ask where and I would say,” 

There was an arieal of the same park, “Where, anywhere, tell me where 'cause I'm scared, If I'm here then I'll never see paradise, I just wanna see paradise.”  As you repeated the chorus, back in your room, and then moved on to singing about them, “Yeah I’d been dating Nick for three years, we’d made a promise, cause we were just kids in college, thinkin’ bout our tomorrows, 

“then we met Karl, course we had to keep ‘im, he made the grass even greener, cause theoretically he made us even more complete, 

“but then along came Alex, and we pulled him in, but he looked me in the eyes when I said ‘my heart isn’t in it’ , he challenged that thought, asked me ‘So where is it?’

Alex clamped a hand over his mouth, burying his head in Karl’s shoulder. 

“I said, where, anywhere, tell me where ‘cause I’m scared, if I’m here then I’ll never see paradise, I just wanna see paradise.” 

The scene changed from the park back to your room, “So I had to leave to see, How good I had it, I had it, I had to go to know, How good I had it, Would you have me if I come back home?”

The room remained dark, though your voice became a bit more upbeat as you sang, “Nothing better than my mama rice and beans, All the sound, the people yellin' on the street, The lights when I land at JFK,The cold wind when it hits me in my face,

“I only feel the ground under my feet when my boys are standin' right there next to me and Those the things that make me feel at home And that's the only paradise I know, so..” 

The room began to brighten, just a bit, as the extra voice overs were added.  “I had to leave to see, How good I have it, I have it, I had to go to know, How good I have it (How good I have it) I have it (So I'm comin' home)”

Pictures began to flash on the screen, pictures of you all together, during streams, while you were working on music, a video of you and Karl, trapped by an Alex sleeping across your laps while Nick laughed.

The beach day you’d had last year, Karl and Alex decorating your recoding spot with fairy lights, Nick with you up on his back, you and Alex singing, behind the scenes of one of Karls mr. beast videos, midnight moments, and small moments, all flooding the screen. 

“Nothing better than my mama's rice and beans (Ooh, ooh, I'm comin' home) All the sound, the people yellin' on the street, The lights when I land at JFK, (Oh, I'm comin' home), The cold wind when it hits me in my face I only feel the ground under my feet when my boys are standin' right there next to me and (Yeah, I'm gon' come back home) Those the things that make me feel at home, And that's the only paradise I know.” 

The pictures faded, and you smiled softly at the camera, “Would you have me if I came back home?” 

The video faded away, and the boys were knocked out of there trance by a knock at the door. 

Shakily Alex stood up, blinking away tears as he moved to answer it.

“(y/n).”

You smiled, “You saw the video yeah?” 

He practically burst into tears, “Yeah.” 

“So? Will you have me since I came back home?” You sang softly. 

Alex surged forward, throwing his arms around you, tears falling from both sets of eyes as he pulled you inside.

In the living room Nick was holding a still crying from the video Karl,  glaring up at you, “You had to make him cry one more time?” 

Karl sniffled, “These are good tears.” 

You smiled, setting your bag down before maneuvering to sit down with Alex still wrapped around you. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left for that wrong. I do love you all.” 

“We love you too.” 

#mcyt x reader #mcyt imagines #sapnap x reader #karl jacobs x reader #quackity x reader #sapnap x karl x quackity x reader #karlnapity #karlnapity x reader #teddy06 writes