#lost vocabularies that might express | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

emphistic · 1 month

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"Buttface"

Things Reader Should Acknowledge: I THINK IVE FINALLY GOTTEN THE HANG OF TUMBLR (hip hip hooray!), i plan on having yuuji being sukuna's baby brother, however, yuuji hasnt been born yet

Prologue: Ever since Sukuna moved in next door, you two have grown closer. Like, impossibly close. One might even call you two "friends;" albeit Sukuna would always shut that idea down. But one thing Sukuna wouldn't shut down? — is that he loves to see you smile. And he would do anything to hear your laugh, over and over again.

A/N: this is in the same universe as "I'm Lactose Intolerant", and while the ages of sukuna and reader dont really matter here, i wrote this with the idea of sukuna being 14 years old and reader is 13 years old (feel free to change that to whatever you desire), brownie points to whoever recognizes the movie that sukuna and reader are watching

Please REFRAIN from REPOSTING MY WORK (REBLOGS ARE EXEMPTED FROM THIS RULE)

"This movie is stupid."

"You think everything is stupid, Stupid." You quip back, flicking Sukuna's forehead.

"Touché." He scoffs, and crosses his arms over his chest before leaning further back into the couch. You put your legs on his lap.

You grin to yourself, wondering if he really didn't notice that you called him by the name "Stupid". Then you think, he's probably just in a good mood, and go back to watching the comedy playing on the screen.

"I mean, how can it take you so long to figure out that someone who looks exactly like you is actually your long lost twin sister?" Sukuna moves his hand around to somehow make his point seem more valid.

"Besides, isn't this supposed to be a comedy? Where's the humor in this? This isn't funny, at all," Sukuna drones on — until you decide that you've finally had enough.

"This isn't funny? Well . . . it's not like you're funny, either." You stick your tongue out at Sukuna, in a teasing manner — to which he does the same.

"That's just what you think. I bet you didn't even know that all your friends come to me during break just to listen to me talk. In fact, most of the time, I'm not even trying to joke around, I'm just that naturally funny," Sukuna wore a smug look on his face.

"Sure, 'Kuna. They're just laughing because you have such a funny face. Sometimes I even get you mixed up with a chihuahua, you know."

"Oh really?" Sukuna glares at you, and gets closer to your face.

You copy him, "Yes — really."

At this point, the tips of your guys' noses were just centimeters away from touching. You could practically feel his warm breath on your face.

Woah.

Now you could hear your own breathing quicken.

Since when were Sukuna's eyes so red?

Your cheeks felt warm.

Why are his eyes so, so—?

"Buttface." Sukuna interrupts the silence.

You get pulled back to reality. "What did you just call me!?"

"What, you deaf now? I called you 'buttface,' Dumbass."

"Seriously, someone needs to control your vocabulary."

"Pft, I don't need any controlling."

You laughed, "Sure, Sukuna. Sure."

The movie ended, and the credits rolled. Sukuna grabbed the remote and turned the TV off, before getting off the couch.

"Want something to drink?" He peered over his shoulder at you, raising a brow.

"Ah, sure. Lemonade."

"Too bad, I ain't getting it for you," Sukuna stuffed his hands into the pockets of his sweats and walked off — to the kitchen, you assumed.

You grumbled, and threw a pillow at his back. It just bounced off, though, and you sighed.

He returned minutes later, with a glass of lemonade in his hand. Which was a clear sign he was trying to aggravate you, because he's expressed multiple times his strong detesting of the refreshing drink. (You completely disagree with him, by the way.)

"Dude, seriously?" You frowned.

"Totally serious. I mean, I couldn't resist. This glass of lemonade was just calling my name." He took a sip.

"It is so good."

Another sip.

"Shame you don't have a glass yourself."

And another sip.

You were practically ripping out your hair at this point. "C'mon, 'Kuna. If you won't get me a glass, can I just have a tiny sip of yours?" You entreated him with all your might.

Sukuna rubbed his chin with his thumb and index finger, pretending to think about his decision. Finally, he said, "What's with that name you keep calling me? And — what's the magic word?"

You huffed, "Please?"

He gestured for you to go on.

You clasped your hands together in a desperate, beggar-like manner. "Pretty please, Sukuna? Just a teensy weensy sip? For poor ol' me."

"Hmm, let me think. How about . . . no."

You gawked at the pink haired boy.

"WHAT."

"You heard me."

"Aghhh!" You jumped on Sukuna, trying to grab the glass of lemonade yourself. If he wasn't going to share, you just had to take matters into your own hands — literally.

Your attempts were fruitless, however; Sukuna just kept on raising the glass higher and higher above his head, to the point you couldn't even reach his wrist. Damn him and his stupid growth spurt.

His hand starts to shake as you try to climb him like a tree. Next thing you know, your wish is answered. You got your lemonade. Except, not in the way you had hoped. The lemonade was everywhere. On your clothes, Sukuna's clothes, the couch, everywhere.

"Oh shit." This time, you didn't correct Sukuna's obscene language.

The room became so silent that you would be able to hear a pin drop.

"Sukuna!" You whisper-shout. (You had no idea why you were whispering.)

"Don't look at me, this was your fault!" His hand still held the now empty glass.

"Me? This was all you," you retorted, jabbing a finger into the older boy's chest.

"Sureee, Y/N. Let's just forget about the fact that you were practically climbing my body."

You blushed.

"You could've just gotten your own cup of lemonade, but no, you just had to spill mine."

You scoffed, "Well, you could've shared, but you didn't — because your shellfish."

Sukuna looked at you funny, "Do you mean 'selfish'?"

"Same thing, you know I make mistakes with pronunciation."

He shrugged. Then, a great idea popped into your head.

"Your mess," you exclaim, before pushing off of Sukuna and darting away, only to be pulled back by your hood.

"Hey!" You shout, falling back onto Sukuna's chest.

"This is your mess. You caused this, remember?"

You groaned, turned around, and tackled Sukuna. You guys ended up rolling off the couch altogether. Pillows were thrown, and the lemonade spread onto the carpet.

"Let go of my foot, you big oaf!" You yelled, shoving at Sukuna's face.

"Not until you admit this was all your fault." He continued to wrestle with you on the ground.

"In. your. dreams."

You guys continued to fight, which made the mess even bigger. It felt like hours had passed. Hours where you still didn't get even a sip of lemonade. Then, you heard the sound of keys, and next thing you know; your parents walked in.

Your heartbeat hammered in your chest.

Your mom and dad took one good look at the two of you on the floor, and your mom said, "Knock it off, you two. And clean up the couch. I don't want my living room smelling like lemonade for the rest of the year." They walked into the kitchen.

You turned back to look at Sukuna, just to find him already staring at you. You guys continued to stare at each other before bursting out into laughter. Tears were basically streaming down the both of your guys' faces at this point.

Your mom yelled from the kitchen, "Ah, young love these days. So different from us — right, honey?" Your dad responded with a loud chuckle.

Looking down, you realized the position you were in. Sukuna lying on his back beneath you, while you were sitting on top of him. The expression on your face immediately soured.

You and Sukuna pulled away from each other in record timing, both of your expressions clearly, visibly flustered.

#sukuna x reader #sukuna fluff #sukuna x you #ryomen x reader #jjk x you

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thoughtkick · 6 months

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I dream of lost vocabularies that might express some of what we no longer can.

Jack Gilbert, “The Great Fires”

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surqrised · 2 months

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I dream of lost vocabularies that might express some of what we no longer can.

Jack Gilbert, “The Great Fires”

291 notes · View notes

perfectquote · 5 months

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I dream of lost vocabularies that might express some of what we no longer can.

Jack Gilbert, “The Great Fires”

379 notes · View notes

hainuwelle · 17 days

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The third man theory

Note: This theory takes as starting point Aurora's Fun theory. It states that the invention in which Gaster fell was a new version of a warp door that would have allowed the monsters of the underground to escape to a timeline in which the war against the humans never happened. If this experiment were to work, it would have allowed for a happier ending than the True Pacifist one, because more accidents and deaths would have been prevented.

Sadly, Gaster's experiments went wrong and he was scattered "across time and space". The only other time in Undertale this expression is used is when we call Papyrus in Sans's room, the one that gets us lost in a seemingly endless darkness when we enter it, with a door that suspiciously looks like Mystery Man's grey door and Deltarune's warp doors. This key expression used by Papyrus tells us Gaster's creation and untimely demise should have something to do with these doors.

If this theory is correct, the invention in which Gaster fell would have been under our nose the whole time.

With the FUN theory video in mind, something about Mr. Elegance's dialogues caught my eye.

Evidence 1 - Mr. Elegance, if we didn't previously talk to Jigsaw Joe:

Evidence 2 - Mr. Elegance if we previously talked to Jigsaw Joe:

For a flaming teleportation door one would assume to be magical, the vocabulary used to talk about it sure sounds mechanical and mundanely machine-like : « Fix up », « working on it », « got this door workin’ », « it might break », « fixed that door », « it should work without any issues ». Intriguingly, it looks old, and yet, it is new to the Darkners, who have never seen it before. Is it really Darkner technology?

Of course, to an experienced Undertale player, it looks familiar, similar to the one to Sans's room.

This brings us to my question: Why did Toby Fox add these two different Mr. Elegance dialogues about this door? What purpose do they serve?

It can't be to alert the player that they could malfunction if we haven’t previously talked to Jigsaw Joe, since they always work properly regardless. It’s not like this triggers a side quest asking you to talk to the puzzle man if you don't want a 1/6 chance of the door teleporting you into the void. And they don't serve a comedic purpose either. There is no joke, no punchline. So why warn us about the breaking hazard, if the warp doors never break in the first place ? Why specify that 3 people are needed to get them to work smoothly?

Because this isn’t really about the Scarlet Forest shortcut. The door might not break in the game, but it might have broken somewhere else. This is really about what went wrong with Gaster's experiments.

Time to bring in evidence 3:

First, let's note that this tweet isn't exactly talking about the same situation as in evidence 1 : Mr. Elegance talks about a door that two people got to work and that might break, while Toby Fox talks about a machine that's already broken and that two people could never repair.

However, evidence 2 tells us that when three of them worked on it, the machine should work without a problem. So if we assume that these dialogues are really about the creation that led to Gaster’s demise, this means that the reason things went wrong is because one person was missing.

Two people worked on the machine instead of three, which led to Gaster's disappearance. Yet, we know that two people were trying to repair the machine once it was broken. This means that after Gaster's disappearance, the missing person came back.

Now let's imagine that Gaster formed a trio with two other colleagues that we'll name X and Y. The Royal Scientist is working on a door-shaped machine that would free the monsters from their imprisonment. As the fate of the Underground lies in his hands, a lot of pressure is resting upon his shoulders. The role that X and Y had in this creation is unknown. Gaster could have even built it on his own. But thanks to Entry n°17, we know that shared his experiments with two other people. And thanks to the Japanese translation, we know he was rather close to them.

After the construction of the machine, Gaster and X try to get it to work, but without Y. Maybe they walked away from the experiment, maybe the other two didn't trust them enough, we don't know.

Despite this, they manage to make it work with just the two of them. However, what Mr. Elegance predicts happens, and something goes wrong. Two people just wasn't enough to assure that the machine would work properly. It's too unstable. It malfunctions. Gaster falls inside, is shattered across time and space, and the machine breaks.

Now let's come back to the end of Toby Fox's tweet. ”Neither of them could fix the machine, no matter how hard they tried. No one can." Notice that "neither of them" means precisely two people.

After the incident, Y comes back, but Gaster disappeared. The trio is now a duo. Y and X do everything they can to repair the machine, but can't. No one can. Because Gaster, the person necessary to its reparation, is no more.

If this theory is right, what are X and Y’s identities? And why was Y absent during the creation of the shortcut door machine? A lot of questions have yet to be answered...

#deltarune theory #warp door lore #deltarune #gaster

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thehopefulquotes · 4 months

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I dream of lost vocabularies that might express some of what we no longer can.

Jack Gilbert, “The Great Fires”

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consuming-karma · 1 year

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BABY’S FIRST EARRINGS.

buwan’s notes: usually I’d say smth about not being able to have a baby in this economy but I have severe baby fever this week teehee— apologies for the rlly bad writing also- this kinda sucked because I only rlly managed to work on this when I wasn’t working on my papers or my artwork sighh.

episode summary: it’s time for your baby bat’s first piercings! During your trip, you realize why it may not be such a good idea to bring the boys with you.

content warnings: might bring you baby fever as well, piercing a baby’s ears, emotional vamps.

taglist: @britany1997

[poly!the lost boys x mama!reader.]

“Wait, what do you mean you wanna pierce her ears?” Marko looked at you with a bewildered expression, staring at you as if you had two heads.

You bounced your baby on your hip, her giggles intensifying as the little jumps seemed to amuse her. “I think our baby bat would look adorable with earrings, hun!” You tensed your shoulders to show your baby bat to your husbands who all sat unconvinced.

“babe, she’s a baby bat, she doesn’t need piercings right away.” Paul pointed out confusingly. Marko nodded his head along, agreeing with his terror twin.

“I agree pretty, our baby can get her piercings when she’s older,” Marko walked up to you, his hands tucking themselves into yours to move Darlene into his arms.

“She is! Darlene’s turning one!” You argued, looking at Marko with a pout, letting the curly blonde take your baby from your arms.

“She’s still a babe! Besides she’s got her teens.” Marko grinned and gave her a small rub on the nose with his, making her squeal.

“It’s a norm, hun. She won’t feel a thing, promise!” You crossed your fingers on your undead chest, smiling innocently as the boys all looked at each other for further action.

“I mean..” Dwayne didn’t finish his sentence after that, only shrugging as he looked towards David who seemed to be thinking. “it wouldn’t be so bad.” David looked at you, as if saying ‘it better won’t hurt, he’s an asshole, but he will cry if his baby girl cries’.

You grinned, happy with the outcome of the conversation. “Hear that, baby bat? You’re gonna get earrings like your mama!” You giggled, pulling her from out of Marko’s arms and snuggling her to your chest, obviously excited.

“Is this really a good idea?” Paul looked at David, the platinum blonde shrugged before lighting another one of his cigarettes, the whole other side of the room away from his baby. “It’s an idea, that’s for sure.” David answered between gritted teeth, his cigarette between it as he opened his Zippo lighter.

The rest of the boys shrugged and focused their attention on you, where they saw you coddling their only offspring, making blabbering sounds and squealing at how cute your little bat was.

In their heads, all they thought was that it was going to be a-okay, and that their Darlene wouldn’t notice and would handle the pain.

They didn’t know how bad of an idea it was until they had arrived at the overnight mall to the local medical clinic.

“Ok Darlene, ready to be the cutest bling baby in the world?” You asked in a baby voice, Darlene could barely reply to you as she was only five months old, her vocabulary consisting of ‘wahs’ and ‘woos’.

“So where are we getting her pierced?” Dwayne walked up to the two of you, his hands instantly grabbing hold of your waist and under your sweater as his fingers connected with your soft skin.

You smiled at the comforting gesture, before pointing to the seemingly squeaky clean clinic at the mall. “There, the clinic.” Dwayne glanced at you with an unreadable expression before giving his baby, Darlene, a strained smile. “Why not Claire’s, babe?” Paul pointed to the purple and pink glittery store of girlishness.

“No! Claire’s doesn’t even clean their needles, my baby deserves the cleanest out there.” You stated, determined to not spend another sleepless night because your baby got a sickness.

Paul let out a scoff, looking off to the side, mumbling. “I got pierced there just fine..”

You blew a raspberry into her chubby cheeks, making her squeal and grab onto your hair, making you laugh. The group of you walked to the clinic, Marko and Paul bumping into people half of the way since they kept making funny faces at Darlene, instead of looking ahead of them.

“I know a doctor here, so she’ll be fine, isn’t that right baby bat?” You smiled in relief as Darlene grabbed onto your finger. “Oooh~ I can’t wait until you’re all blinged up and matching earrings with me, baby bat!” You felt yourself shake with glee, excited to see your baby get her first piercings.

“Why do I feel like this isn’t gonna be so great?” Paul looked at Dwayne, who seemed to think the same thing, watching you walk up to the front desk.

“Nah, I get you bud, I’ve got the bad kind of butterflies in my tummy right now.” Marko agreed, patting his tummy as if it would help with the feeling.

“Now boys, we gotta trust our girl, I’m sure she’s got it under control.” See, now David’s lying to himself, he’s got the shivers, but he doesn’t want to be an ass in front of his little girl.

“David! I need your signature!” You called out, ripping the platinum blonde away from his boys. Your arms held your baby girl to your chest, she was busy babbling and grabbing onto your shirt, unaware of her surroundings.

You cooed, kissing your baby’s forehead before looking up, David looked at you with a look, before looking down at the clipboard that held a document, you walked to his side, your finger pointing to the blank form.

“Here, sign.” You brought the pen close to him, David glanced at you, you glanced back, before looking down at the document. The platinum blonde picked up the pen and signed, unsure what the paper was for.

“What’s taking so long? Thought we’re getting her pierced?” Paul walked up, looking down at the paper. “Might as well get her checked out, just in case.” You shrugged, passing the finished clipboard to the nurse, who checked out the paper.

“Alright, you can wait for a bit, I’ll get you and your baby ready.” The nurse smiled, pointing to the direction of the waiting room. “I still don’t get why this mall has a clinic.” Marko looked around the clean and dull room.

“Don’t know, but I’ll say it’s convenient.” Paul shrugged, happily taking a seat at one of the many plastic chairs. You followed suit, sitting beside Paul, the blonde instinctively placed his arm around your shoulders, his gaze instantly locking onto his baby girl.

“Hi buttercup, ready for your piercings? Gonna look cool as your daddies!” Paul’s free hand reached across to squeeze your baby’s chubby cheeks, she happily cooed, grabbing against the blonde’s big hands.

Paul couldn’t help but grin at the small gesture, seeing both of his chubby baby’s palms not even be able to cover his one hand. Darlene reached up to tug at his bracelets, in awe of one of her dad’s jewelry.

The rest of the boys looked on in amusement, absolutely adoring their little baby in your lap. They hoped that their baby bat wouldn’t grow up too soon, it felt like you popped her out not even a week ago!

“Darlene Powers?” You jumped at the sudden calling of your baby, looking up to see your friend. You waved excitedly, she was one of your mom friends, spending the third trimester of your baby with her as she was also pregnant with her own son.

“Abby! Hi!” You greeted, gently sitting up and walking towards the doctor, who smiled and greeted your baby with a gentle wave. “Nice seeing you here, (Y/N)! You too, baby Darlene!” She giggled, pinching your baby’s cheeks.

The boys followed with you, walking further and further into the bright halls of the clinic as Abby ushered you into a vacant room. “When do you think we could get our babies together for a play date? I think Darlene would get along with Avery.” You giggled, gushing with Abby with her baby.

“Soon enough, girl! we could leave them with my husband, and maybe treat our selves because god knows we need it.” Abby joked, pointing to her eye bags.

“Oh my god, yes! I need a break!” You laughed, sitting down at one of the chairs in the room.

Paul whispered to you, looking at Abby with a confused expression, “is Avery a girl or boy?” You looked at Paul mirroring his own expression. “Why does it matter?” You replied.

“well, don’t want our little girl already meeting some dude when she hasn’t even been on earth for long..” Paul shrugged, leaning back. You smacked his arm for thinking like that, you were definitely annoyed.

The boys seemed to quiet down, only mumbling at each other. David leaned against the wall as Marko and Paul opted to sit on the examination bed in the room. Dwayne sat in the extra chair in the room with his arms crossed.

“Okay, so I’m hearing that you’re getting this little cutie her first piercings?” Abby pinched Darlene’s cheeks once again, obviously falling victim to the baby fat.

“That’s right, want her to be matching me and her daddies, isn’t that right, baby bat?” Darlene seemed to babble, as if answering your question. “She’s a gem.” Abby awed at Darlene before looking off to her papers.

“Do you want to get her checked out first, or should we get it over with?” Abby asked, looking at the boys for clarification. David and the boys looked at her with blank expressions, unsure. They looked off to you, they were only greeted with an expectant look from you.

“You’re the dads, not me.” You jogged your knee, calming Darlene down as you waited for their answer.

“I guess, uh check her out first?” Dwayne answered for his brothers, looking at you reluctantly before watching Abby nod and grab another sheet of paper. “Alright then, let‘a see if this pretty cutie has anything.” Abby cooed, grabbing her stethoscope.

“Seems like Darlene doesn’t have anything bad, she’s perfectly healthy, good for you dads!” Abby gave the boys a closed smile, before pulling out the equipment for your baby’s piercings.

“I suggest one of your husbands hold Darlene, (Y/N). Babies can get pretty squirmy when the gun’s in the ear.” Paul suddenly shot up in alarm. “Gun?” Paul asked, looking at you with furrowed eyebrows. “It’s a piercing gun.” You nonchalantly replied, watching your friend sterilize her equipment before looking at you expectantly.

Paul looked at Marko with genuine fear, Marko shrugged as well, looking at David, who didn’t bother to continue eye contact.

“Oh? Oh! Dwayne, switch with me, you gotta hold her.” You stood up with your baby, waiting for your dark-haired boyfriend to move. “Why me?” Dwayne looked at you with confusion.

“Okay don’t switch with me, don’t hold your baby ever again.” You looked at him with a deadpanned expression, Dwayne jumped out of his seat and switched with you. “Okay! Okay.” He felt himself break into a cold sweat as you smiled and placed his baby on his lap.

“Okay, I need you to hold her to your chest, put your hand on her forehead like this.” Abby gently placed her hand on Darlene’s head, her palm curling around your baby’s forehead.

Dwayne did as he was told, holding Darlene to his chest confusingly. The boys watched on looking relaxed, you watched as Abby readied the needle of the gun, you handed her the bat studs you had picked out the night before as she loaded the gun.

“Alright, don’t flinch, she’ll feel it too.” Abby warned Dwayne before gently placing your baby’s earlobe into the gun, getting ready to pierce.

Dwayne held Abby’s forehead firmly yet gently, trying to keep his baby still, he felt anxious at the piercing gun in his daughter’s ear. Abby softly counted down from three before quickly pushing on the trigger, a small click being heard.

Paul flinched at the sound of the piercing gun while Marko bit his thumb from to keep him screaming out, even David couldn’t get his eyes off the gun. As soon as the piercing gun retreated for the next earring, the boys turned to Darlene.

What the boys were expecting was a small whimper or a surprised coo from the sudden pierce, but what they got instead is a heartbreaking wail.

You couldn’t help but pout and coo at your baby. “Oh darlie, it’s okay hun,” you gently patted your baby’s thigh as she let out wails and tears rand down her rosy cheeks.

Dwayne looked in pain at Darlene’s wails, feeling the vibrations of his baby crying in his chest as he grunted in guilt, he cringed at Darlene’s squirming as she cried, looking up at you with a glare.

You couldn’t help but laugh at the boys’ reaction, snickering in your seat at they all glared at you as if you had personally pierced their baby girl.

“Why are you all looking at me like that?” You managed to spit out between laughs, looking around the room to see Dwayne and David burning the hardest holes into your face. “You said it wouldn’t be bad.” Dwayne spoke in gritted teeth.

“I never said it wouldn’t be bad, but I didn’t say it would feel nice either.” You scoffed playfully, your dark-haired boyfriend clenching his jaw in guilt and obviously upset that he was tricked into making his baby cry.

“Babe, I don’t think I’d ever say this but I really truly hate you.” Paul shook his head, using his wrist to cover his eyes. “Are you crying?! Paul?!” You spoke, appalled at Paul’s behaviour.

“My baby girl is crying! Why the fuck wouldn’t I!” Paul cried out, his sniffles melding with your baby girl’s wails. Dwayne let out a guilty sigh, bouncing his knee to soothe their baby girl.

“She’s almost done, c’mon guys!” You looked around the boys, seeing Marko biting his thumb and looking away, Paul gently looking over your baby’s ear and Dwayne pinching the bridge of his nose.

You looked over to David, who seemed to stare at the wall and wipe his cheek before he sniffled loudly. “David? You too? Really?” You turned to the platinum blonde, who just glared at you.

His loss for words only made you laugh harder as you held your stomach. Abby giggled, before asking Dwayne to turn their baby bat’s head to the side for the second ear.

Dwayne looked up at David with a ‘do I really have to?’ Look, refusing to hear his baby’s heartbreaking wails once again. David just gritted his teeth and gave him a look that told the dark-haired man to just do it.

Abby readied the gun once again, counting down. Marko couldn’t watch again as he had turned completely around, his eyes shut and his thumb in his mouth. If Marko still didn’t have the instincts to stop before he could’ve made a mark in his thumb, he’d have lost it biting it hard.

The rest of the boys were all dreading it, the trigger of the gun as it pierced through their sweet Darlene’s earlobes.

Abby gently placed her finger on the trigger before finishing her countdown, “one, two, three!—“ the trigger was pulled back as everyone besides you and Abby jumped in their spots, another round of wails and cries left your baby as you cooed, trying to soothe your baby girl.

“Oh, poor baby! It’s over, honey! No more!” You pouted, instantly taking your baby girl out of Dwayne’s arms, the dark-haired boy leaned back and closed his eyes, gulping anxiously.

“Don’t say that, babe! You’re the one who wanted her ears pierced!” Paul cried out, obviously as upset as his baby bat.

You looked around once more at the boys, David was no longer on the wall, his hands were on his hips like an old dad, looking down at the ground.

Marko had quickly walked up to his baby, looking at the earrings with a weak smile, “you look so pretty bubba, the prettiest baby out there.” He spoke, obviously shaken by their baby’s cries.

Paul had no longer leaned against the examination bed but had somewhat crouched down, his hands on his knees as if he ran a marathon.

“Oh my god, guys! Grow up, you’re acting like big babies and you weren’t even the ones who got pierced.” You rolled your eyes, thanking your friend for making a better earring than the sixteen year old workers at Claire’s.

Your friend laughed as she watched the boys maintain their posture, obviously amused by their reactions.

“I never wanna hear her cry like that again..” Paul said into his hands as you guys walked out of the clinic. You giggled, patting the boy’s back as he walked beside you and Darlene, gently pinching her cheeks.

“girl, give me my baby!” Marko spat out, reaching for his baby and taking her from your arms, you let out a small hey before Marko walked away from you, looking down at his baby bat.

“Oh bubba, they didn’t hurt you too bad, did they? You look so pretty,” Marko cooed, rubbing the back of his hand on your daughter’s baby cheeks.

“when you grow up, you can take dada’s other earring and wear it as well.” Marko softly grinned, bouncing Darlene in his arms as your baby had stopped crying and was now cooing.

“Maybe next time I won’t bring you guys, you four cried more than she did.” You teased, watching Marko make funny faces at Darlene in hopes of trying to get her to laugh.

“There’s a next time?!”

“Babe, you’re evil!”

“Like hell!”

“there’s no next time after that!”

The boys all yelled out in unison, looking at you with glared that could burn a hole into your head. “I’m kidding! Well, half- if Darlene wants any more in the future, then I wouldn’t stop her.” You giggled, the boys visibly relaxed at your words, two of your boys putting a hand on their chests.

“We love you mamas, but no, I think seeing my baby bat cry like that felt like a stake to the heart.” Dwayne kissed your temple as he walked past you with David, who kissed you on the lips.

The boys started to head towards the exit of the overnight mall, huddling around Marko, who held your baby girl in his arms. They all cooed and pinched her cheeks, a look of adoration and love all their faces.

You watched Dwayne gently hold your baby’s ears, looking at the pretty silver studs in her ears. You can see Dwayne whisper something to your baby before pulling back, a soft smile on his face.

David seemed to give a look to Marko, which made the curly-headed blonde hand Darlene to him. David gently held your baby in his arms, a rare smile painting his face.

Marko and Paul wouldn’t seem to leave your baby alone as the continued to dote on her, you felt your heart warm at the fact that your baby bat would have such loving boys as fathers.

“What a bunch of babies.” You softly laughed, before catching up to your family and getting ready to retreat back to the cave, something tells you that piercing your baby’s ears was an event enough for the night.

#the lost boys #the lost boys 1987 #✦ paul’s karma.#the lost boys x reader #✦ marko’s karma.#✦ david’s karma.#✦ dwayne’s karma.#✦ the lost boys’ karma.#the lost boys x you #tlb #tlb x you #tlb x reader #tlb imagine #the lost boys imagines #poly lost boys x reader #poly lost boys

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booksandabeer · 1 month

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A Man Takes His Sadness Down to the River (The Consolation of Philosophy) (E | 150 K)

To celebrate the completion of the fourth & final part Lost Vocabularies that Might Express (The Memory of These Broken Impressions) in this wonderful series by dorian_burberrycanary.

Author's summary: The worst of times, like the best, are always passing away. How’s that for some consolation on the road? A post-The Falcon and The Winter Soldier Stucky fix-it as part of the all-American road trip, detours included.

Follow Steve and Bucky on their Great American Road Trip as they drive and eat their way across the country and beyond. From the beaches of the Jersey Shore to the graveyards of Savannah, from the cragged horizons of Mexico to deserts with (small) volcanoes, from college campuses to earthship settlements, from the mountains of Colorado to the monumental emptiness of the Great Plains and on and on and on…there is always more road ahead.

A Man Takes... is a miracle of a series that works with what should be an unworkable premise: Steve really did leave to go live in the past. He returned a few months later, yes, but he still made that choice. Knowingly. So, how can any author, any story, rectify such a colossal mistake, and how can it be reconciled with a believable, satisfying romance that short-changes neither Steve nor Bucky? Like this. With patience, and care, and often painful honesty. Just like Steve, this story slowly digs itself out from under the burden of that terrible decision.

I know that some people are very reluctant or even outright refuse to read EG-compliant fics and I understand why this might be a tough sell for them. Believe me, I do. But this series manages to neither let Steve off the hook for his choices nor does it punish him excessively. Instead, Steve and the readers are repeatedly confronted with the fact that there are no magical solutions here, no take-backs—it’s a fix-it, yes, and very much a Stucky fic through and through, but it’s not a fix-it fantasy where in the end everything turns out to have been an unfortunate misunderstanding after all. What's done is done and the only way out is through. But. even if you usually prefer to ignore anything that happened post-[insert preferred point of canon divergence here], please, please try to give this absolute marvel of a series a chance. It is genuinely one of the most rewarding and satisfying works I've ever read in this fandom. It's catharsis in slow motion.

You will find descriptive writing here that is so incredibly beautiful that it will bring you to your knees in awe. This series transcends fanfiction in many ways, as it stands out for the remarkable quality of the prose and the nuance, subtlety, and precision with which it explores both the emotional landscapes of its protagonists and a fictionalized, yet very recognizable post-Snap America. At the same time, it could only ever work as fanfiction because it stays so close to the characters and is so deeply rooted in and filtered through Steve’s inner life and perspective. Just like the real Steve Rogers, this story is smart and curious, and deeply empathetic towards its characters and the world they inhabit.

Every detail is imbued with meaning. The food Steve and Bucky eat. The clothes they wear. The art they look at. The books they read. The music they listen to. The places they stay at. The landscapes they drive through and the objects they carry with them or acquire along the way. One doesn't need to understand or even notice all of the references, allusions, or ambiguities to enjoy the series, but it makes for such a rewarding reading experience to really dig deep into the many, many layers the author has so expertly assembled into this phenomenally rich text. More often than not in this fic, the curtains aren’t just blue. Or rather, Bucky’s sweatpants aren’t just gray.

At some point amidst this sprawling, reflective journey, a bittersweet realization sets in: There simply is no compensation for the time and life lost, for the pain suffered. No money, no medals or statues, no hagiographies, and certainly no delusional pipe dreams forcibly made real, will ever make up for all that loss. You can't outrun your past, but that doesn't mean you should bury yourself in it. And maybe, solace can be found in mutual understanding, not just between these two men, but in interactions, in shared community—however fleeting—with ordinary people doing ordinary things in their ordinary lives. And in the beauty of the mundane and the relief that there still is a world in which such beauty can exist, even though it is so often a cruel and unjust place. Steve Rogers finally allows himself to feel his feelings: his grief and his shame, but also his joy and—even though he’s already so very tired—his hunger for more: more time, more life, more Bucky.

This series is a wonderful tribute to Steven Grant Rogers—an honest and affectionate portrayal of this compelling and lovable, if at times difficult, character. It is also a gorgeous, intricate love letter to the miracle of a man that is James Buchanan Barnes. As you can probably tell by now, I love it a totally not normal amount.

A most heartfelt thank you to @burberrycanary for taking us all along on Steve and Bucky's long journey across America and (back) to each other. Thank you for letting us sit in the back seat and watch as they learn to love and live with each other in old and new ways, finally find some measure of well-deserved rest and peace, and, together, face their greatest challenge, their longest fight, the eternal question:

How to live with all this survival?

#stucky fic rec #or: a completely unhinged and very sappy & very gushy love letter to this series.#stucky #steve x bucky #steve x bucky fic rec #stucky fic #stevebucky #my recs

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des-no9 · 4 months

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Des’ Gith Dictionary

All of these words are created by me (Des) and are derived from existing phrases, words, roots or just pulled from the vibe of the language.

Most revolve around the githyanki’s meaning of relationships, sex, and love, following my fics centreing around the relationships of Voss and Orpheus. (TW here for mentions of canon githyanki behaviour surrounding pain, raiding, sex and non-con).

NOTE: many of these words are also written with my HC of there being quite a big linguistic drift in their language, beginning when Vlaakith I took power. Many of these words are old and might not be used in modern gith now, but some are. You can read more about my HC about this here - Des' Githyanki language HCs.

You are free to use any of these words any way you like, but if you use them in anything published like a fanfic or meta, please credit me:

twitter: @grabthemhorns tumblr: @des-no9

Sources used linked at the end.

Here is a link to it in a g-doc if you'd prefer and ease of access - Des' Gith Dictionary

Listed Alphabetically (will be updated as I create more)

**Adilshar - first among many

The meaning of this word ‘first among many’ has different connotations depending on context, and for some githyanki, depending on creche, and even city in the Astral. It can elude to a title, a formality, something a little more casual. I’ve seen githyanki use it to refer to their favourite lover or companion.

However, primarily, thousands of years ago it was used largely by those in a position of power to those below them as a title of honour and singling them out to a special, almost near equal respect. In a way, it was levelling someone to your worth. One of the highest honours of githyanki. The first among many. I see you. I respect you.

**NOTE: Adilshar is a canon gith word, but I have expanded/adjusted its meaning. I’ve only included it here because it has had such a personal impactful meaning to me, my githyanki worldbuilding and vocabulary.

Bhav - speak; talk; sometimes used when addressing someone

Cha/Ch - bearer/owner/only

(depends on context and the following word)

Example: Var’cha - star bearer

Da - laugh, laughter

Gi - student of

Hsha - lie

Hshazi - liar

Htaz’i vo z’varc - literally, death by blood wild

Even for githyanki, this is one of their more unsavoury words. It means, in common vulgar slang, ‘fucked to death’ or ‘fuck and kill’. This is a term githyanki use primarily for their treatment of istiks during raiding, or istik slaves that they keep and then get bored of and dispose. It’s a very derogatory term, but also very common and has lasted from the very early years of the gith, to now. And is even a word that’s heard, and known, from plane, to plane, to plane. Having heard it myself during one of their notorious raids in its exact context from their raiders, it is as haunting and terrifying to hear as you might think.

Ir’gi (ihr - ghi) student of my pain

An often intimate word used primarily between new lovers. Can also be used derogatorily or affectionately, or playfully, if two people have known each other for a long time. Nowadays, ir’gi is kept private if saying to one above your rank, and only often heard publicly from the person who holds higher rank in whatever kind of relationship they are in. Good luck to you if you wish to say ir’gi to your superior in public is all I’ll say.

Ir’mir’r’tal - the comfort/safety of my pain

A lost word that some say is used still by the githzerai. A version that was taken and adapted to their current language I have heard to me Ir'm'tal which now simply means 'my safety'. My source? My lips and quill are sealed.

Ir’zai (ihr - zoi) - the honour of my pain

A deeply intimate expression used between lovers/mates to express the meaning they hold to one another. Common translation could be ‘I love you’ but a githyanki would say that cheapens it, the expression so lost in soft istik translation. This is an expression heard still in current githyanki language.

Kalisk - small one; compact

Kalisk’nal - little creature; little beast

Often kalisk is used colloquially or affectionately, so used with ‘nal’ which can mean creature or beast, turns the phrase into something even endearing. Not something one would usually associate with the githyanki. One might think this could be heard in their creches to their younglings, or in my travels I did once have the pleasure firsthand to see a githyanki meet a cat for the first time and exclaim rather joyfully ‘kalisk’nal!’.

Mar - all; everything

Nal - spawn/creature; strange one

Pa - no/don't/not

Quith’na - literally weak creature

This word is a slang that roughly translates into, in common, as ‘pussy’. The githyanki have varying and sometimes different genitals to those who speak common so it doesn’t translate directly into what those who speak common recognise it as. And although the githyanki use terms of genitals for insults or colloquial speech, do not recognise calling someone by one of their terms as a description of weakness.

Rrav’kil -

A term of endearment for someone below you in rank. What affection that is, is between the speaker, and the receiver it seemed. This is an old word, and is barely, if at all, used in current gith. It seems to have shifted into ra’stil instead which means ‘ally’ in common. Another language of affection and endearment lost to the githyanki from long ago.

Note: derived from ra’stil - ally (to other gith)

Sh’k’nal - hellspawn

Sh’k - hell

To/T’ - Has several meanings, depending on context and which word precedes, follows.

Mostly it means: only/one/this/to/of.

T’lak’var - literally, severance.

A very old word from when they freed themselves from the illithid, severing their control. A lot of it comes poignantly from Mother Gith and her power of severing the Elder Brain’s control which therefore, eventually, granted their freedom. It translates to freedom in common, and for githyanki then, and now, it simply invokes freedom.

Note: taken from T'lak'ma Ghir - Sister in freedom (t’lak meaning freedom, here, where ghir means sister, vhir brother, and stil friend in this context. (Although interesting how stil is in jhe’stil which means ‘superior one’).

I also HC that the githyanki have several different words that translate to freedom, as it is such an important and integral meaning to their people.

T’rac'nal - literal, insane creature/spawn/strange thing

The common translation of this word is wild or mad beast.

T’var - literal; only star; one star

An old word that uses var when referring to someone, instead of vah’k. Found in some ancient, forbidden texts that translates, it seems in common, to ‘my one’ or ‘only you’. What we can gather from the context of its use, a declaration of affection, a promise, a title, a threat even, depending on who spoke it, who heard it. Some may say it means I love you. Some may say it’s the githyanki word of marriage. Some say it’s the promise of death. Some may say it’s a feeling, a promise, a bond that anyone other than githyanki will never understand.

Tuj’da - a loud, happy laugh

Tuj - loud, boisterous, joyful.

Sometimes this word means free, wild. In the meaning of ‘wild animal’; ‘no boundaries’.

Va (voh) - go/yes/acknowledgement

Vah’k (vahk) - body/person/referring to oneself;

This word comes from a very ancient gith language where the word var means ‘star’ from their first settling on the Astral Plane, and being new beings on the Sea. Vah’k can also mean ‘star’ in today’s gith, depending on context. You will find both vah’k and var in ancient texts, to now. It seems vah’k was brought into use around the time of the settlement of Tu’narath, but how widespread its use then, and also if they used var prior to vah’k is unknown.

Vah’k gi (vah - ghi) - lover; literally, student of my body/self

There isn’t really a direct word for ‘lover’ in githyanki society as we’d know in common, but this is as close to our understanding of it. Student of my body. It’s used in many ways, for one night trysts, casual partners, to longer term partners within the githyanki. Although some prefer not to use it if they decide to share their bond longer term.

For those that develop a more long term and serious bond, the word ir’zai, which means ‘honour of my pain’ is often used more.

Note: ir’zai is derived from sha va zai which I HC is a very old and early gith language, mostly now lost or changed over time, that simply means ‘I love you’.

Vak (vohk) - cut; harm

Note: The closeness in the words of vah’k and vak in their language is notable, as for githyanki so often their expressions of self, identity and love are built upon pain.

Vak’nir (vohk - nir)- literally, cut by silver.

Githyanki are an intense people, and their expressions are no different. ‘Cut by silver’ when translated to common, we would understand it to be ‘you’re beautiful’. But it is most likely closer to ‘you’re exquisite’, or even, to our god fearing races, ‘you are cut by the divine’.

Vak zharni (vohk - zohr - knee) - changed by time

literally, harmed by memories

A descriptive, and surprisingly, an affectionate word used by the githyanki to describe the change of time, or an event, has had on someone. Be that physical, or emotional.

Sometimes it’s used casually or teasing, when a githyanki returns from the material after a long period back to the Astral, and has therefore aged, and changed, compared to those back on the Astral who have not.

Author note: I made this one especially thinking about Orpheus and Voss and Orpheus seeing Voss for the first time and how this could be a phrase the githyanki have used/maybe still use to describe how much someone’s physically and also emotionally changed after they haven’t seen them for a long time, or from a past event.

Var’cha - literal, star bearer;

Another very ancient gith word used to describe the skies of the Astral Sea - ‘skies that bear stars’. Sometimes it’s still used to simply describe something that is aesthetically appealing, sentiment in your beauty (invoking a certain emotion and attachment from beauty, however there’s a different word for that, that was used more), or that something simply looks like the Astral Skies.

Vhayeri - the future/a point in time that hasn't yet happened

Can be used in a poignant and significant way. As in “we will meet vhayeri”.

Vo - of/by/my (context heavy, and a more modern and colloquial version of to/t’)

Vo mir’tal - (vo - meer - tohl) - literally, my safety

A lost word in most of githyanki society, however there are some communities that have kept it alive, the meaning often reverting to its literal nowadays. Whereas its original meaning seemed to hold the weight of ‘my lover’ or simply ‘mine’. It was said Gith had favoured this term for her lovers, one especially, whoever that had been.

z’var - blood

Z’var’zai - (z - vohr - zoy) - literally, blood honour

This can be used in different meanings such as the literal, to give a blood honour, to pay a price in blood for Vlaakith, your jhe’stil. Or to describe a wound or injury because of an honourable thing a githyanki did for someone (however this seems rare, and used more in the older days of the gith).

Often it’s translated and used as ‘worth of blood’ or ‘blood beauty’ to describe someone’s war or battle wounds as something another githyanki appreciates in that person, admires, or desires them because of it.

Z’vart’rac (z - vohr - t - rak) - literally, blood insane

This term is more for battle bloodlust, but sometimes spills over to other feelings between gith, gith and istik or other scenarios.

Z’varc (z - vohrk) - a derivation of the above ‘z’vart’rac’, blood insane.

Blood insane to blood lust, but carnal. If you ask a githyanki what it means in common, they’ll probably say something itense like ‘blood wild’ or ‘bleed me dry, fuck me wet’. Mates and lovers started shortening the original version to this one, and it’s lived on to now heavily through their raiding culture. This is one of the words of the githyanki that is more understood in the feeling, tone, that simple meaning. Trust me on this.

Zhak - bruises

Zharni - memory

Sources used:

Githyanki Vocabulary used in BG3 Gith dictionary of the Forgotten Realms Tir words of Planescape Mordenkainen’s Tome Of Foes Archive of Vocabulary and Grammar of Tir by bluebeholder on AO3

#githyanki #githzerai #gith #bg3 #bg3 githyanki #des' HCs #githyanki worldbuilding #tir'su #next step is to write them all out in tir'su oh boy lmao #kith'rak voss #orpheus bg3 #des writes #my writing #dungeons and dragons #githyanki language #enjoy!!!! i hope #let me know if you like them i always love to know people's thoughts

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burberrycanary · 2 months

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Lost Vocabularies that Might Express (The Memory of These Broken Impressions)

Stucky, Endgame Fix-it, Road Trip Get Together

They waste a lot of water and kiss, fooling around until the hot water tank gets tired of their shenanigans and gives out.

Standing on the linoleum floor, Steve shoves a towel at Bucky, who he gallantly saved from the cold water blast.

“Still taking hits for your guys in the field,” Bucky says, trying for a droll expression he’s too giddy to creditably manage.

The bathroom is small enough there isn’t one single stretch of bare wall he can back Bucky up against: an unfortunate oversight. So he settles for cupping his palm around the back of Bucky’s neck, sliding his fingers into the damp hair where drops of water are gathering, and kissing Bucky as soft and slow and devastating as he knows how.

“Guy,” he corrects. “You’re my guy. Person. Human being.”

Several jokes visibly occur to Bucky—and, yeah, the universe is so much bigger and stranger than either of them knew as those two kids from Brooklyn.

But all Bucky does is stare back for a long time in this warm tiny room, where steam has obscured every possible mirrored surface, before he leans in for a light brush of a kiss.

“Yeah, okay,” he says, quietly.

Read Chapter 45 on AO3

Only two more chapters to go! Many thanks to my betas @village-skeptic, @booksandabeer and @zenaidamacrouras1 🥰

#stucky #stevebucky #steve and bucky #stucky fic #stucky fanfiction #steve x bucky #stevebucky fic #stevebucky fanfic #steve rogers #bucky barnes #river!verse #lost vocabularies that might express #otp: till the end of the line #otp: even when i had nothing i had you #the existential loneliness of steven g. rogers #bucky barnes needs a hug #steve makes better choices #he's trying folks #the past doesn't go anywhere

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gloombeauty · 10 days

Note

Read your two reviews of Lana's Coachella show, you are not the only one who thinks thinks Lana's voice is gone. There are brave souls who will express a negative opinion on Lana's own Instagram page. These two did it today. I'm sure they were bullied and attacked after writing that. Lana is a terrible performer. I always said it but at least she use to be able to sing. I think they must be fixing her voice in the studio for her last few albums. She doesn't sound like she use to anymore.

I tried looking for these comments on Lana's Honeymoon account but I don't see it. Either Lana deleted it or they deleted the comments themselves after being bullied/death threated by a million psychotic Lana stans.

The Lana fan community is a dumpter fire. Between 200 million "mother is mothering" comments, there's 100 million of "she ate" in between them That is the full vocabulary you'll find in Lana's comments. How refreshing is it when there's a fan who actually has something to say that isn't "mother".

These two fans who wrote these comments on Lana's IG are brave souls. The majority of Lana stans are like the demonic mutant I was just talking about on my other post. If you are not kissing Lana's ass 100% of the time, 24/7 - you are brutally attacked by these types of online Lana fans. Most times, they threaten your life or the life of your children. If you think that's farfetch, look at the Beyhive and Swifty's. They are known to destroy the lives of people who don't worship their idols. Lana stans are the same.

Lana has never been a performer, that's the thing. She's not an entertainer either. She's a singer. And now...she barely sings. She needs the help of background vocal tracks playing loudly in the background of all her concerts. It's actually sad to watch especially when you can remember how she use to sing.

Look at both nights she played at Coachella. Night one she didn't have the background vocals playing and it was a disaster. The second night she had them loud and clear. She miraculously can "sing" again. It's really no different then lip syncing. It is cheating. But sadly, Lana can't sing as she use to. She probably feels more comfortable having her vocals playing loudly in the background 'just in case'. I imagine it's comforting for her to have it.

In case anyone forgot how Lana use to sing, here is a reminder:

youtube

As for vaping - I have been saying it for the last 5 years that Lana's voice was decreasing in richness and volume. That she couldn't sing in low tones anymore. That she was damaging her vocal cords from all that vaping. I was called crazy. Am I fucking crazy now?

It might have been funny for some fans watching Lana running around different concert stages, looking for her vape pen. I thought she looked pathetic and sad. It showed everyone just how truly addicted she was to vaping.

Then she would post herself vaping on social media too. It was endless. I'm surprised she can still breathe and doesn't need a lung transplant. Some aren't so lucky.

Once that voice of hers is gone - it's gone. No going back. Not even Tessa Pietro can help her with her spiritual crap.

Again, I been saying this shit for 5 years and her fans would get pissed at me for spewing scientific facts. The amount of people who have died from vaping or needed lungs transplants is insane. Just Google it. It's happened time after time and time after time.

I guess we should be grateful Lana is alive and still literally breathing. I didn't see her vaping or running all over the stage at Coachella looking for her lost vape pen. I was surprised actually. Just as surprised when she lost all that weight. Maybe she quit vaping after losing weight and wants to lead a healthier life?

Anyway, great comments by those two people.

There's also the fact that these Coachella shows were not her best performances. I reviewed it and said it on my own page. I love that The Guardian spoke up too.

The fact that half the audience was gone on both nights before Lana even finished her shows - really spoke volumes. All you have to do is look at the audience video footage taken from the drones. I screen shot it too:

There's also this fact:

The truth is Lana was a weak Headliner. Bless her heart, she tried.

Everyone went for No Doubt and Doja Cat.

#lana del rey

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lunadiluana · 2 months

Text

“I dream of lost vocabularies that might express some of what we no longer can.”— Jack Gilbert, “The Great Fires”

#spotify #love #music #couple #poesia #poetry #lovers #música #lunadiluana #quotes #photography #fall in love #spilled ink #intimacy #long distance relationship #romantic #Spotify

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stay-close · 2 months

Quote

I dream of lost vocabularies that might express some of what we no longer can.

Jack Gilbert, “The Great Fires”

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spiralwriting · 4 months

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Promises

(look at me being productive, woo hoo)

Promises should never be broken.

Despite the knots that tightened sickeningly in my stomach and the salty river that threatened to spill from my eyes with each passing second, that sentiment circled my brain, flashing like a neon sign.

No matter how much it hurt.

No matter how much I wish I could be anywhere but here.

A promise is a promise, no matter the pain it causes.

So in spite of the dread settling in my heart, I face the man I've come to visit- the man I promised to visit.

This is far from the first time I've sat on this decrepit old chair across from the equally uncared for table, but the white hot glare it reflects never ceases to scolded my eyes; exposing them to the ugly truth of the situation. A Truth I'd trade for anything: a miracle perhaps. A miracle I'd use to travel back in time, one I'd use to prevent this all from happening. How? I don't know, but I'm sure I'd find a way.

If only I had the chance.

Today is particularly grim, so grim in fact that I wish I hadn't even bothered rolling out of bed this morning. Although, I wouldn't miss today for the world, even if it causes me unparalleled amounts of agony.

I can't miss today, it might be my last opportunity to say goodbye, because I don't think I can bring myself to come back and face him if things don't end up going well.

"You didn't have to come today..." His voice, soft, yet tense. "I know this must be hard for you..." he feels it too, the pressure in the room.

Sighing, I shake my head, "No matter how I feel, today is important. I want to be here for you before shit goes down."

This afternoon, the final trial, the verdict. It's terrifying, but it's unavoidable. The gang has been together through thick and thin, today is no different. Currently, there have been no hints towards what might happen, so it's completely up in the air, which makes it that much more unnerving. Ashley is supposed to be giving a statement to the court, which is interesting, seeing as nobody had asked any of us to do so.

"Well I'm glad you're here," a small, feble smile spreads across his scarred face "I will admit, I was really happy when the guard told me you did end up coming."

I can't help the smile that creeps onto my face, knowing that I made his day a little brighter during this bleak time. "Good news for you then, I'm not going anywhere, love."

A yawn suddenly overtakes that smile, drowsiness swallowing my body. "You look exhausted," concern shadows his face "you haven't been sleeping right again, have you?"

I run a hand through my hair, averting my gaze to look at the dull concrete walls of the room instead of his rather unimpressed expression.

"Don't worry about it, just a couple of late nights." My eyes return to meet his, but he doesn't seem convinced.

"Mmhmm."

I can't help but laugh bitterly at his disbelief. I'm aware that he knows me far too well to fall for that blatant lie, and he knows it to.

"Let's be real here, the words 'sleep schedule' haven't been in my vocabulary since I was 12 and they released clumpy."

From the serious look on his face, he didn't appear to like my joke too much. "Has this whole thing been stressing you out? It's okay if it has, i understand that but it shouldn't stop you from functioning. You still need to take care of yourself-"

"Relax! It's nothing to do with this, it's just work n' shit." Lier.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

He sighs in defeat, wether he believes me or not, he doesn't push further. "How have you been anyways? Up to anything interesting?"

I think for a moment, resting my head lazily in my hand, whilst the other traces imaginary shapes across the fridgid table. "No, not really. Life's been pretty boring since we lost most of the group." My eyes narrow "I spend most of my time working now, trying to get enough money to get myself a place." Head shifting to look at him once again, my hand stops and relaxes. "When I'm not working my ass off, I'm usually here." Or drinking my life away in the dark abis my room.

He sits back in his chair, tilting his head slightly, something I've always loved about him, even now, it's so... Cute. "When's the last time you spoke to ash?"

Mirroring his actions, my face falls in distain. "Not recently, that's for sure. I've talked to her about all this, but she's certain none of it is real, that were just deluded by childhood fantasies." A scoff falls from my mouth "So I haven't bothered with her."

"I know it's frustrating, she's expressed the same feelings towards me when she's been here, but you can't isolate yourself like this." He moves forward, holding his chained hand out for mine. I oblige. "You're gonna end up alone, and that's not what you deserve."

My grip on his hands tighten as I attempt to conceal my frustration, "I know, I don't want to end up alone, it's just so... Ugh!" Ripping my hands from his own, I rub my face, aggravated "I just don't understand how after everything she still doesn't believe us. After Larry, after Todd, after..." My gaze falters and falls to the table "... You."

"Her friends are getting hurt, and I don't understand how she just doesn't care." I burry my face in my hands.

After everything we've been through together, her complete disregard for anything I, or anyone else has to say, is pushing me to the edge. I know I'm not insane, despite what she might think.

"Don't say that," guilt consumes me at the somber tone of his voice "she does care, in her own way, she just... doesn't understand. She's still out friend, remember that."

I peek at him through my fingers, he's leaned forward again, brows knitted together and sad look in his eyes. He's hurt by her disbelief, I can see it, but like always, he sees the best in her, like he does with everyone. Like he did with me. He's so sweet, so kind, and I'm once again brought back to how. How could this happen? I believe him when he says he had no choice, but why. Why sal? Why the most genuine, most loving man on this earth? It's not fair.

But when has life ever been fair to him?

My head falls forward, hands dropping and hair covering my shameful face, "Yeah, sorry, you're right. I'm just frustrated, you know? It's hard to understand where she's coming from but... She probably feels the same way, huh?"

"Yeah, she does. Can't blame her, she was never as involved as we were in the cult."

The guilt falls away with the force of a waterfall, replaced with uncontrollable rage at the mention of the cult. They caused all of this. I haven't thought about, nor touched anything to do with it since the incident. Why would I when all it does it cause harm and heartache to those who get involved? As soon as this whole thing is over, I don't plan on sticking around long.

"Alright Mr. Fisher, times up." A guard saunters lazily into the room, looking at a sheet of paper. "you've got an appointment with Dr. Enon before your trial."

Blankly, I stare at the man that interrupted our conversation. The world around me begins to dissolve as I realise the time that approaches.

I rise to my feet, legs feeling numb, and as if I could collapse at any moment. My steps feel staggered as I make my way out of the melancholy room. In contrast to the dull, lifeless room I previously sat in, the seemingly endless halls are pristine, bright and somewhat less depressing. Though, it still feels devoid of life.

My body turns and takes a step forward towards sal.

"I'll see you in the court room, okay?" My hands caress his mask, fingers running smoothly across his scruffy hair. Guiding his face up, I lay the ghost of a kiss on his forehead, keeping it there for a moment. "I love you, Sal." A whisper, a secret, a promise, only for us to hear.

A relaxed exhale releases loudly through the holes of his prosthetic, head leaning against my chin slightly. "I love you too..."

"Come on, let's go!"

I glare at the guard overtop of the mop of messy blue hair, releasing his face and taking a miniscule step backwards. A smile sits painfully along my face as we say our farewells and I watch him turn and make his way down the hall.

I stand there for what feels like hours before he finally rounds a corner.

My face falls.

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