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tenthcrowley · 2 years

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hello! I'm soup and this is my first writing in Tumblr! hope you enjoy it <3 and sorry if there's any grammar mistakes.

trans!male reader x thomas shelby

2054 words.

Summary: Y/N decides to finally tell his boyfriend Thomas Shelby that he doesn't perceives himself as a woman but as a man.

tw: mention of death, a lot of misgendering (feminine pronouns and using of dead name), self hate, mention of violence, mention of body intimate parts.

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Y/N was walking on the streets of Birmingham. It wasn't night yet but the sunset already began. He was wearing a dress. A beautiful red dress and his sleeves were kinda puffy. He was wearing white heels and a small not-for-rain umbrella was resting on his shoulder, even tho it was sunset, but he didn't want to close the umbrella, it might sound weird but keeping it like that made him feel safe? he wasn't sure how he felt and why he kept the umbrella open, he only knew it was better this way.

His eyes were tearing. He was tired of everything. Living, fighting, being humiliated, having to hide his real 'self'. He missed his old life, when he didn't know who he truly was, when he was happy being little and innocent girl. Ugh, even the word makes him sick. He missed the old days were he had nothing to worry about. But of course, now that he thinks about it, it was never fine. At the time he didn't realized but now, everytime he thinks about his childhood he notices that there was always something wrong about him. He liked to use pants, having short hair, wearing his dad's suits instead of his mum's heels, playing with boys instead of girls. Yeah, he notice it now.

At the age of sixteen he realized he was born in the wrong body. And he blamed mother nature for that. In secret, he used to dress as his dad, smoke and even sat down with open legs. It felt right. He realized after years of struggling of why he couldn't like girl stuff.

Eventually, his family find out. They discovered him in his room with one of his dad's suit on, pretending to smoke and sitting down on his bed with open legs. They kicked him out and swore to not say a word to anyone to keep their reputation safe. At least, Y/N was relief. He hadn't to keep living there and no one else could know about his secret.

That's until he met Thomas Shelby, of course.

Even tho he considers himself a man, he doesn't like women. It was always men. So yeah, when he first saw that Peaky Blinder he fell for his eyes, then for his face. Until he had to work for him. They hired him as a secretary. He wished he was more, but they only saw him as a woman. A simple woman who can't grab a gun or else will be a butch or a mobster. Nothing good.

He knew Thomas had an eye on him but he tried to not give himself any illusion. Thomas will never understand him, he will never accept him if he knows the truth about him, he will never like him for Y/N. Thomas Shelby had an eye on D/N. Not on him.

Y/N keeps struggling. He rushed to his home, rips the fucking costume he've been wearing the whole day (dress and heels). He looked at himself on the mirror and cries. Cries because he has breasts he can't hide even if he tries his best. Because he has a feminine figure, a small waist and feminine legs, skinny hands, because his neck isn't thick enough, because he doesn't have an Adam's apple. Because he has a vagina instead of a cock. He cries everynight I front of the mirror. Eventually he fell asleep. That's his everyday routine.

Now it's been two years since he knows Thomas Shelby and three and a half months they're an official couple. Yes, they're boyfriend and, well, girlfriend. Yes, they have kissed, they had dates, Y/N keeps working for him at the office and yes, they had sex. Very often actually.

Y/N didn't had the needed to tell Thomas about his secret. He hate being misgendered but now they're a couple for almost four months already. Y/N needed to tell Tommy about it, he couldn't keep living like this. If Thomas was mad about it he'll understand. Y/N will disappear of his life and Birmingham. He doesn't know what he'd do but definitely avoid Peaky Blinder Family. Maybe they even gonna kick the shit out of him. Maybe kill him. He wouldn't mind, at least they would end suffering.

Y/N was now in front of Tommy's door. He wasn't ready, he'd never ready, but it's now or never.

Knock Knock.

He waited impatiently. He was sweating and playing with his finger anxiously. He heard footsteps at the other side of the door so he regained his posture.

Ada opened the door. Y/N smiled at her. He really liked her.

"D/N! what a surprise. Uh, we're on a family meeting"

His eyes widened and he took that as a sign from the Universe. Maybe it's not time for telling the truth. Maybe not yet.

"Oh! Okay, thank you for telling me. I'll be on my way home. Sorry for bothering. Say hi from me" He smiled and took a few steps back, ready to get the hell out of there.

When Ada was about to close the door again, both heard some fast footsteps coming towards them. It was Tommy. Y/N paralyzed. His hands were sweating even more if that's posible, his whole body started to shake but he still tried to give his best smile.

"D/N. We're on a family meeting"

Stop calling me like that.

"Yeah, Ada told me. I'll come back tomorrow, don't worry." Y/N said to him with a little -but clearly uncomfortable smile.

He noticed it. He demanded Ada to go back to the meeting room and he stayed on the door frame looking at Y/N.

"It's nighttime. It's dangerous."

"I needed to talk to you. If isn't now I don't know when could be"

Tommy was staying serious but he, he was fucking shaking and it was so obvious.

"Tomorrow"

"I don't know if I can"

Now he was worried and interested. Thomas really cared about Y/N, even if he didn't shows it very often. For Shelby is really hard to demonstrate emotions, that's why he's always serious. His emotions were buried inside him very very inside.

"What do you mean?"

Y/N sighed and with all his strength he tried not to tear. He tried to stay calm but he was only freaking out Thomas even more. The man looked around.

"Come on inside. We'll go to my room and talk this okay?"

Y/N nooded.

He walked you upstairs and to his room. The doors of the meeting room were closed so nobody saw them go pass. It's doesn't matter anyways. Y/N finally decided to close the umbrella, now that he's besides Tommy he doesn't needs it anymore. Thomas took his coat and hung it on the coat rack. Soon they were facing and looking at each others eyes. Thomas placed his hands in his waist.

"What do you want to talk about?" And the Shelby started to give kisses in his cheeks and soon he was in his neck.

Y/N took a deep breath and gently pulled Thomas away from his neck. The man looked confused at his eyes and finally broke the touch between each other. Tommy sat on the bed looking at his lover. He pulled out a cigarette, turned it on and started smoking, without looking away from Y/N.

"I... I need to tell you something. Something you don't know and it could change everything between us." Soon, he started tearing up in silence. His make up was messing up.

Thomas was concerned. He was waiting for another betrayal. His heart was already breaking and now he was just waiting for the exact momento to kick the lady out of his house.

"Sorry" Y/N's nose started bleeding. It was common for him to happen that, it happens when he's nervous or simply have to much pressure on him.

Thomas wasn't helping this time, so he just put his sleeve on his nose and tried to calm down. Y/N grabbed the chair from Tommy's desk and sat down without facing Tommy's face. Y/N was giving Tommy his back or else he wouldn't be able to do this, he's not that brave.

"I haven't been feeling well. It's not very recent. I feel like this since I was sixteen. Well since I was born but I realized at that age" With just that, Tommy felt how all of his muscles relax. Y/N wasn't going to betray him. Now he's listening carefully and very concerned, something is happening to his lover. Maybe he's ill and he will die soon. ". I'm not me. You may find this weird, believe me so do I, but it's just how I feel. It's how I am. As you seeing me like this? It's not me. I may be born with breasts and called... well, you know what my 'name' is. I don't like saying it out loud. God, not even thinking it."

Tommy was behind him, giving him massages with the intention of relaxing him. He was trying to understand, but it was difficult, he didn't know what his lover was referring to. So he just shut up and listed. Turns out that the massages worked, Y/N was more relaxed now.

"This could change everything between us. It's okay if you don't wanna see my again, or if you want to punch me"

"Wait, wait, stop there. Why would I ever punch a woman? My lover?" The massages stopped and Tommy felt incredibly offended.

Y/N stood up and finally faced Thomas.

"DON'T CALL ME LIKE THAT"

Silence. He was looking at Y/N weird.

"I don't feel like a woman, Tom. I hate being a woman. I hate having breasts, they make me cry, they make me hate myself. I hate my long hair, I hate my waist I have everything of me. I hate using these silly little dress and the fucking corsets! it's awful, Tom." The young man wasn't looking at his lover anymore. He was looking to the floor, ready for any punch or insults or something. He needed something. "Sometimes I use suits. I like it, it makes me feel more like myself, I feel good wearing them." And he was tearing up again. He couldn't help it. He was afraid, so afraid of what would happen now.

Silence.

Thomas was in shock. His girlfriend- more like boyfriend now, didn't feel good about themselves. Didn't like wearing dresses, didn't like being feminine at all. Y/N didn't feels like a woman, Y/N feels like a man.

"You may think I'm sick"

"No, I don't"

Y/N looks up to him again. Is this real? He asked for himself. Tommy was looking at him in a concerned way. Maybe he felt bad for him? Was he good with it?

"It's weird, yes, I think it's fucking odd, yes. But you're my girlfriend-"

"Boyfriend?"

For the first time today, Y/N saw Thomas Shelby smile and giggle. That made him smile as well.

"Yes, boyfriend. Wow, I never thought I would say that" They laugh and stay in silence, looking at each others eyes like they could figure out what the other one was thinking.

"You okay with this?"

"Yes, I'm okay with this. You said your name wasn't yours. That means I should call you...?"

Y/N smiled. like a lot. He giggled with happiness and hugged the man in front of him.

"I'm Y/N"

"Hello, my beloved Y/N"

"Oh shut up"

After that Thomas helped his boyfriend to calm down and explain everything to him. The way he realized, his story and all that shit. He also told Tommy how he felt when someone called him by his dead name, or by feminine pronouns, when he wears dresses, when he wears make up. He ended up tearing a bit. Thomas couldn't help seeing his lover cry that way. He borrowed Y/N a suit. They looked at the mirror and see a beautiful couple of men.

"Here" Thomas grabbed his peaky hat and put it on his boyfriend's head which in response he smiled happily.

"I love it!"

Yeah, no, nobody could know yet.

#tommy shelby #tommy x male!reader #peaky blinders #oneshot #trans reader #writing #fiction #male loving male

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