#maybe it's time to dabble with hurt no comfort again—

[mushroommanstan]

A douchey frat guy tries to hit on Y/N, only for her to shoot him down. But he’s PERSISTENT. Y/N tries to avoid him until she meets up with Tenko. Ylthe frat guy is SHOCKED that a babe like Y/N is with a ‘creep’ like Tenko Shimura! He tries to convince her to ditch him, until she finally snaps. Instead of tearing the douche a new asshole, she makes her point by aggressively making out with Tenko instead

“Well aren’t you a pretty little thing?” Some frat idiot slurred into your ear, way too close for comfort. You jerked back, turning around in an instant and seeing this guy who’s obviously trying to look sexy. He had a toothpick in his mouth, a surprisingly well maintained soul patch and some messy slicked back hair.

If you were any other girl, you’re sure you’d be at least a little intrigued. Maybe even attracted. But nah, he picked the worst target for flirts at the party.

“Thanks.” You replied apathetically, pointedly looking away from him and back at the busy bartender of the frat house. Your face was blank, your eyes wandering far from him, obviously not interested. Regardless, he persevered.

“S’ anyways, the other day I saw the stupid retro arcade game in the common area. I don’t usually play that stuff, y’know, it’s kinda for nerds. But-“ he glanced down at your phone, seeing the background having the same characters from the game. “Something tells me you dabble in it.” He continued.

“Anyways I got like, 20,000 points or whatever on my first try.” He boasted, and you had to stop yourself from laughing. Seriously? 20k? This guys trying to brag about a measly 20k? Tenko could get that with his eyes closed. Speaking of which…

“Hey y/n?!” You turned your head, searching for the speaker before your eyes landed on the makeshift bouncer at the door. Behind him, a disgruntled Tenko with his arms crossed. “He-yeah, Shimura over here says you invited him?” He chuckled in disbelief.

You held your forehead, shaking your head in dismay. Of course he wouldn’t be let in, damn it, why didn’t you think of that? He must’ve been waiting for you there for ages. Poor baby, you can’t believe you were so careless after all you’re begging for him to come.

Taking your head shaking as an answer, the bouncer turned back to Tenko, crossing his arms as well. “Alright, nice try man. Go home and… sniff panties or something I don’t know, pervert.” Even from the distance, you could see the hurt in tenkos eyes as he stared at you, utterly betrayed.

No. NO! You didn’t mean that-

“Ugh, what’s that guy doing here? Saying he knows you? What a creep. What say you I go over there and-“

The show-off next to you proposed, but you were already gone, hopped off your seat and dashing towards your sweet baby before the door closed. You yanked it open just in time and cried “Yes! Yes oh my god yes I invited him here babe I’m so sorry!”

Tenko let out a sigh of relief, smiling a little as you pulled him inside gently by the arm. You guided him to the bar where you were originally sitting, all the while gushing apologies.

“I promise babe I’ll make it up to you. Here, I got us some drinks coming it should only be a little bit.” You told him, taking your seat as Tenko took his. He just grunted in response, returning to the aloof brick wall he always became in public. (It just made the intimate moments with him in private where he practically melts under your praise all the sweeter)

The frat guy cleared his breath, taken off guard a bit, then after clearing his throat awkwardly, continued. “Yeah, uh, nice friend there, heh. Um… so, anyways, you wanna make my night and come to my place after this for some “coffee”.” He actually did air quotes for the ‘coffee’, being so unbelievably subtle.

Tenko stiffened at this, staring at you in an almost begging way as his tear-jerkingly vulnerable eyes just dared you to pretend you didn’t know him again. They dared you to confirm his insecurities.

You scoffed, taking Tenkos hand in yours and showing it to the guy. “Yeah, no thanks. I’m taken.” In synchronize, the man frowned as Tenko smiled, his fears put to rest as you pressed a kiss to his forehead.

The man guffawed un-genuinely. “What? This creep? Seriously? You know he steals girls underwear right?-“

“not proven” Tenko grumbled.

“-right, sure, “not proven”. Seriously doll, what’s he got that I don’t!”

“Well, for one thing, deodorant.” You snapped.

Tenko cackled at that, and the guy fumed. Before losing his cool, he calmed himself under a blanket of delusion. “Whatever. Y’know what? ‘Bet this is all a set up. Yeah, bet you paid him or something so you could play hard to get. The bits over babe, heh, you can’t seriously believe someone like you, would be hanging around with someone like that instead of me.”

Now it was your turn to fume. You saw Tenkos lean muscles tense under his shirt, and his mouth opening as he was about to defend your relationship, but you beat him to the punch. In one swift movement, you made the other man speechless as when you grabbed Tenko by the back of his head and pulled him to you, messily colliding your lips.

He let out a muffled yelp of surprise, grabbing onto your shoulders instinctively as you moved into his lap for better access. You sucked on his tongue before infiltrating his mouth with yours, making him moan and his eye lids droop in pleasure.

The rude fellows jaw dropped, along with those around him at the scene. You were sure to go the extra mile in showing them just how much you loved your Ten-ten, theatrically grabbing his hair and pulling his head back, showing off the fresh hickies on his neck amongst all the scars. The deep purple bruises stuck out like a sore thumb.

“Holy shit!” One of the spectators hollered. “Fucking Shimuras getting more action than Davis!”

Ah, so thats his name. Davis. You could tell it was the sleaze-bags name by the way his face flushed red in embarrassment. He grumbled something before distancing himself from the both of you for the rest of the night lest he humiliate himself further.

Tenko had bit of a quiet night after that while you party-hardyied, opting to chill on the couch for a while playing Pokémon Black 2 while nursing on his whiskey. Every so often he’d glance in your direction, making sure you’re not doing something TOO stupid.

And when it was over, he carried you home bridal style. You weren’t so drunk that you couldn’t walk, but you were drunk enough to whine about wanting to be carried home. He didn’t really mind, it was a good workout anyways.

And when you both made it home, he tucked you into bed, kissing your forehead and placing a glass of water along with an Advil for when you woke up. Then, he grabbed his lock picking kit and made his way to the old flirty merty’s house. Davis, right? Yeah, that’s the one.

But don’t worry. He just put an old dog turd on his pillow. A petty, jealous revenge sure, but none the less effective. After all,

You were HIS.

#shigaraki tenko #my hero academia #shigaraki fanfiction #my hero academia shigaraki #shigaraki x reader #shigaraki x y/n #boku no hero academia tomura #shigaraki tomura #shigaraki fluff #shimura tenko #Tenko fluff

[seafoamreadings]

week of december 17th, 2023

these are written predominantly for the *rising* signs but they are also intuitively "channeled" enough that they should work for any dominant energy you have! (try your sun if you don't know rising, or more advanced readers can try moon, anywhere you have a stellium, etc and see what works best for you!)

aries: capricorn season, soon, marked by the solstice, puts the focus and highlight on your public image, and the work you do that really matters, trickling down through the generations to your descendants, genetic or otherwise. so do good work. if you can't in your career, you can in your day to day endeavors.

taurus: your week's energy is productive but internal. and it is productive to you and your path through life, but others may not see it as productive - it may not serve them, or their conventions or traditions.

gemini: retrograde mercury backs up into your 7th house again, so relationships get a revisit. maybe you're going back over old fears, old patterns, old problems. maybe you're revisiting what you love, need, or desire. but watch for recurring themes, so you can act accordingly.

cancerians: your sign does tend to be susceptible to 'cuffing season' hype, not least of all due to capricorn season meaning your 7th house season! so do make your home hygge and happy, and if you find someone you truly love let them in, but don't think you need to pair off to be happy and comfortable. go hermit (crab) mode if it's better.

leo: the beginning of capricorn season is less feisty fiery than you might like but it's a really good time to power up your daily routines as rituals; the deep meditation of a good workout, the life force in your food, the shamanism of sleep, etc.

virgo: romantic fires are stoked from capricorn season on. that may be within a pre-existing relationship, or outside of it. it could be the blossoms of a new one, or a dabbling outside of one. try not to let anyone get hurt; you are not the only one with feelings.

libra: particularly in the second half of this week, it's auspicious to make your home nice, to make it a place of restoration, which can be stimulating when it needs to or relaxing when that need arises. it should also be beautiful, without requiring excessive ownership or spending.

scorpio: if, in some small way, you can help someone in your immediate vicinity - a family member, a roommate, a neighbor, a cold or hungry person on the street - then helping them will be immensely rewarded in some surprising way later on.

sagittarius: noticeable if not extremely earthshattering events occur this week around the last degree of your sign and the first degrees of capricorn. so this can seem quite fraught. but don't act too impulsively. mercury is still retrograde after all. you do have more time than it seems. think it out first, and carefully.

capricorn: the sun into your sign starts your season off perhaps chaotically as mercury is also hanging around here at these critical degrees of 29 sagittarius and 0 capricorn. so enhance and fortify your mercury retrograde protocols!

aquarius: like it or not - and maybe you do - but you're doing deep work these days. venus this week opposing uranus in taurus helps, but you have to make choices about your public vs private lives. can you reconcile them or must you give one up?

pisces: the sagittarian quality of the week boosts the most mutable among you but can drain pisceans with the softer and gentler qualities of your sign. so let yourself get a bit tuckered out, but rest and recuperate after, before you continue.

#weekly horoscope #weekly horoscopes #horoscope #horoscopes #astrology #zodiac #signs #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces

[johnwickb1tsch]

Okay so- random ramble of the day 2.0 that I thought of after a particular conversation I had with @treedaddymcpuffpuff in the comments.

Trigger warning! (It's bordering n0n-c0n, if you're uncomfortable with that, please feel free to skip this)

So what if- John actually does snap first, and it ends up being particularly nasty. (to be honest if either him or the reader do snap at the other at some point, it's going to be wild either way so 😂)

Let's say he caught the reader trying to escape, or maybe her playing with his emotions / emotionally manipulating him, - pulling out the 'i belong to you' card to gain his trust for an example - or maybe they just had an incredibly shitty argument that was prompted by the ever building tension between them, by neither of them willing to compromise much. (elastic band reference says hello again 😂😂)

Now, generally speaking, both John and the reader have shown clear signs of enjoyment when it comes to the more.. dubious kind of consent, and even though John was the one to trigger most of those occasions, I feel like someone with the reader's strong personality and self-respect would've had a much different reaction to it if she wasn't into it.. That being said, so far every time the reader disobeyed him / refused to give in, John ended up leaving us alone, and I think he'd be lying to us and himself if he were to say that it's to torture us even further.. Sure, having yet another denied orgasm added to the list is shitty, and yes, he had tried to isolate us in order to punish us when we tried escaping the first time, (probably not the last time though) but it's becoming ever so slightly clear that he is doing this more for his own sanity's sake, rather than ours, so he doesn't flip out and snap at us.

That being said, his punishments, although cruel, were still much more on the lenient side... But I can't help but think that with the already high pressure on both of them, and an additional problem source might just be enough for him to lose his shit, and thus, punish us, hence where the extremes come in, such as completely tying us up, - he already said he dabbled in shibari, and he's definitely still into it imo, "misspent youth" or not - perhaps gagging us if we get too bratty, giving the reader a good spanking, perhaps some degrading, and most importantly being the selfish bastard we know he can be occasionally, meaning this whole thing will be to.. comfort him? Reassure him? Bring him that sense of security back to know that he is in control, something that we've seen him go to extreme lengths for in all 4 movies..

And considering that we didn't really establish any boundaries yet, seemed to be into it sort of, and even the fact that John might very well lose pretty much all sense of rationality, and go absolutely fucking ham on us, to the point of our lust turning into actual terror.. In which case, a safe word should be used, buuuuuuut- 1) We don't have one yet. And 2) John will probably have us immobile, silenced, face down, ass up, sobbing for him anyways, so in that crazed state of mind, he might not actually realize that he's hurting us, (emotionally I mean. I think he'd be pretty aware of the physical pain 😂) until it's just a little.. a teeeeennnsyyyy tiiiiiinnssyyy little bit toooooo late..

AND MY GOD- Does that open up endless possibilities for us. On one hand, he would definitely be overstepping any and all boundaries, even if we haven't quite established them yet. Could this be the triggering event for the reader to start thinking with her brain instead of her heart and pussy, and actively suppress her urges, her feelings, the love she feels for him despite it all, and perhaps plan her escape?

On the other hand, I feel like John would feel an unbelievable amount of guilt, because despite his previous punishments, and everything he's been doing being morally wrong, he has never quite breached the line of becoming a monster, (in our eyes at least) not to mention that he is very morally grey, so while he may be rational enough to realize how unethical things are and just ignore it, - or have the fear of losing us overpower his sense of justice - (nobody is there to hold him responsible either ey) I know for a fact that he would never want us to doubt his love for us for a second. He wants us to feel cherished, loved, safe, and protected, and while he knows we do not see things that way yet, I feel like he would instantly realize just how much he fucked up.

A part of me feels like his first instinct would be to run away (as per usual), put some distance between us both because he doesn't want to hurt us any further, and because he god damn will be actively self-loathing, self-hating, self-blaming himself for the events.. But I also 100% believe that him seeing the reader teary eyed, spooked out of her mind and clearly hurting would again, overpower his sense of rationality, and just make him wanna comfort us. Physically, verbally, emotionally- Any way he can really. Which again, opens up a plethora of options for us, because he would definitely be a lot more inconsiderate of what may aid us in our escape, and what we could just find simply comforting.

Would it fucking wreck me emotionally if the reader ended up using this to guilt trip him into slipping up and allowing her to escape? Absolutely. Would it be justified? Also abso-fucking-lutely, although god forbid it were to happen because GODS it would be like an avalanche of emotions...

So yes.. Angst. And smut. Thank you @treedaddymcpuffpuff and @johnwickb1tsch for fucking wrecking all of us emotionally 😂(Jk jk, i fucking love you both, you evil geniuses.)

Haha, so word spreads fast that I can't handle noncon. 😬 I literally write a series of books about a vigilante bounty hunter who hunts down vampires who hurt women, so this should not have been a surprise to me. I guess I'm a weenie. Is there such a thing as gray romance, LOL? it might be more my speed.

I'm honestly not sure how to answer this one without spoiling the story I'm trying to tell, so I'm just going to leave it here because you raise some very interesting plot points that I'm sure people will love reading! You have QUITE an imagination and such an acute understanding of character motivation!

#julia speaks #yandere john wick

[iphig3nia]

From Eden || Sebastian Sallow

“I slithered here from Eden, just to sit outside your door”

Sebastian wants to tell you his feelings so bad, however he might be just a little nervous about it

cw - slight angst, open-ended ending :0, Sebastian has low self esteem :(

a/n || now that I know how tumblr works (mostly), and how its awful with copy and pasting work from google docs (like whyyy), I’d like to write more :), I also opened requests (I think I did, I’ll check again)

—

“Meet me in the undercroft after your class, there’s something to discuss.”

That’s all Sebastian told you before he scurried off, leaving you in the dust. “How strange..” you murmured watching his silhouette disappear around a corner, accepting this as a regular occurrence you went on with your day normally. However on the other side of that wall Sebastian was breathing like he’d just ran a mile, blushing and wiping the sweat off of his hands onto his slytherin cloak. He almost froze right in front of you and he wasn’t even telling you how he felt! He smacked his face a couple times “get it together” he peeked around the corner and saw you walking off into the distance and let out a dreamy sigh, he has all day now to plan.

Your day continued quite normally, you had classes and met up with your friends and studied for a bit. On the other side of school though Sebastian was a wreck, he rushed to the bathroom at the end of his second to last class of the day. He bent over the sink, gripping the porcelain white of the bowl as he shook with each intake of breath. All day you were on his mind and no matter what you always said no to him in his head. Sebastian was torturing himself with the thought of you rejecting him, the thought of you looking at him with disdain “why would I ever go out with you?” He tried to shake the thought from his head, you stood by him through a lot of things that have happened recently and he just somehow developed feelings for you…but did you feel the same?

Sebastian looked into the mirror, a slight tremor could be seen and he sighed and quickly washed his face with cold water. You were just so…pure and kind-hearted to everyone and everything unlike him who would use the dark arts when beneficial. You knew about his sister, and his ceaseless searching for a cure, for any way to help her. But deep down he was worried that maybe that would be the dealbreaker for you, maybe you didn’t want someone like him who could so easily dabble in that cursed magic. He stared down at his hands and his eyes furrowed in slight disgust, his innocence died screaming a while ago “I should know..” he muttered and dried his face off before heading to his last class.

As your last class ended you gathered your things quickly and left for the undercroft, the familiar twists and turns setting your nerves on fire. What did Sebastian want to talk about exactly? You’re not so sure, but you feel a glint of hope as you think that maybe he’s finally going to talk about his feelings for you. He hasn’t been the most secretive person about it, and you haven’t been so good at it either. You sigh as you hold your book close to your chest in comfort, Sebastian had been under a lot of stress recently and you were so worried about him. His quest to find a cure for Anne while good-hearted is leading to him plunging himself into the dark arts, and you can see the toll it takes on him with your very eyes, and it hurts you deeply.

You want to remind him so bad that he is still good despite his choices, that he’s still the Sebastian you fell in love with. You pause at the entrance of the undercroft with that in mind and decide that even if the conversation doesn’t go that way, you will admit to Sebastian your feelings for him whether he accepts them or not. You enter the undercroft and find it deserted, the room silent save for the door closing. This doesn’t seem to help your nerves as you resign yourself to standing around and waiting for him, thinking of what to say.

Sebastian didn’t mean to leave class so late, it doesn’t matter though as he races through the corridors. A million thoughts are flying through his head, into one ear and out the other. What if you’re not there, what if you left after he took so long, what if you already have a boyfriend that he somehow didn’t know about, what if you say no. Sebastian huffs as he reaches the entrance to the undercroft and finds himself pausing just before he opens the door. Last minute thoughts begin to bubble and surface, Sebastian almost feels too revolting to even think about speaking to you especially about this, he feels as if he’s like a slimy snake, slithering here from Eden just to hide outside the door.

On the other side of the door you become anxious, thoughts about where Sebastian could be are coursing through your mind. “Maybe I should go look for him.” you look around again and decide that’s the best course of action for now. You walk towards the door and reach for it slowly. Sebastian sighs and looks straight at the door, “It’s now or never.” He murmurs to himself as he goes to open the door.

You jump back in surprise when you open the door to the undercroft to see Sebastian, and you clearly see his eyes widen startled. Staring into each other’s eyes many feelings can be seen: fear, anticipation, hope, love.

You already know how this will end, and you like to think he knows as well.

“Hey” you smile

“Hey” he smiles

#sebastian sallow x reader #sebastian sallow #Sebastian sallow x mc #Sebastian sallow x you #hogwarts legacy

[ilovesjamesbb]

Please Don't Leave Me (Pt. 26)

Bucky x Reader

“This is nice, Steve. Thank you.” Steve took me to a spot near the Brooklyn bridge to watch the sun rise. 

“I come here sometimes when I feel hopeless. It helps me.” 

“You mean when you and Tony are in a lover's squabble.” He laughed. I smiled. This felt nice. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked. I sighed. 

“Jamie is going to die and he has the chance to fix it and he won’t.” The water was so beautiful and serene. Bucky had talked about coming here a thousand times.  

“I know you care about him but it’s his choice. Imagine what he’s going through. How would you be feeling?” Steve was always the voice of reason. 

“Scared.” 

“This isn’t about you. It may be tough right now but you need to be there for him. Till the end of the line right?” He bumped my shoulder with his. 

“It’s all my fault, Steve. He never would have been there if I didn’t ask him to-”

“He chose to go. He cares about you. We all do. We all would have done the same thing,”  The thought of any of my friends going through this made my chest tighten. 

“God. I hate when you are always right.” I groaned. 

“Let’s go. You will regret not being there for him.” He stood up and offered me his hand. 

We got back to the tower and Jarvis told me Jamie was in my old room. I walked to my door and took a deep breath. The curtains were shut. The sun was barely peeking over the horizon.

“Y/n.” He said surprised. 

“I’m sorry. For all of it. I know this is your decision and I will support you no matter what,” I sat on the bed near him and I could see the sweat that was forming on his brow. I moved up so that I was resting on the headboard and he hugged my me. 

“I’m glad you’re here. I’m sorry too.” He rested his head on the pillow below my shoulder. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I do. I should have told you about Christian. Maybe you wouldn’t have been in this situation. You wouldn’t be haunted by the memories and plagued with the future.” His words were slow and he closed his eyes. 

“Enough with the what if’s. Let's talk about something else.” I dabbled his forehead with the cloth on the nightstand. 

“I bought a new car. I want you to have it. The boarding house too” 

“ I can’t-”

“Come on. Give a man his dying wish. I want you to have a place of your own. Somewhere you can be free of all of this.” He rasped out. 

“Thank you.” I tried to hold back the tears but I could feel I was losing him. His breathing slowed down and his body was limp. 

“Tell me about Barnes. That jackass makes you happy but he’s still a jackass.” I laughed. 

“He makes me feel alive. He saved me. So many times I can’t count.” I said and he mumbled so that I would go on. 

“He’s everything to me. It scares me sometimes how much I depend on him. How much I love him. He makes the weight of my world lighter. I’m so in love with him it hurts.” I went on. 

“You are always there for everyone else. Let him be there for you” He mumbled. Even in death he was comforting me. I nodded. 

“Promise me you will let yourself be happy.” He drawled. 

“I promise.” A tear rolled down my cheek. I couldn’t feel him anymore. His chest stopped rising and I knew he was gone. 

“I promise. I won’t let you down.” The tears wouldn’t stop until I was full blown sobbing. The door opened and Bucky appeared. He looked heartbroken. 

“He’s gone Bucky.” I cried. He approached the bed slowly. 

“I want to bury him.” He nodded. 

“I want it to be nice. There is a family plot by the boarding house overlooking the ravine.” He nodded again until he was next to the bed. He put his hand on mine. I moved to hug him and he picked me up. He walked to the door and I knew this was the last time I would ever step foot in this room. 

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #depressing shit #james buchanan barnes #please dont leave me #panic attack #james barnes #vampire

[nohoney]

anonymous said: Love love love your Us series! I wanted to know if y/n would ever go out and get back at keigo/touya by sleeping with someone else? Especially after they just continue to hurt her on purpose when they found out about the drugs. (From the prev dabbles)

note: the reader in the main series wouldn’t go through with it but let’s explore anyway if she at least attempted to (¬‿¬ ) this takes place just right after the reader leaves the bathroom in pt 2 but she and keigo don’t speak in the bathroom to make up

pt 1 / pt 2

warnings: infidelity, drug use, angst

“Fine. I was checking on you, but you don’t want me.”

You turn away quickly from him Keigo, leaving him behind and keeping in a cry when you hear him drag the girl he was with into the bathroom. Touya was already cruel enough to point out that Keigo had gone out of sight for quite a while. You’re not stupid; they’re both giving you payback.

I didn’t even fuck anyone! You loudly scream in your head.

But now you were wanting to.

It’s a horrible cycle that you are participating in but it’s just not fair that they can do this to you. You can’t stand the fact that they had to take it a step further to make you feel bad. You never even wanted Shigaraki for more than just a plug! It was mostly about drugs!

All you wanted was more drugs so that you would stop feeling so bad over them!

Why wasn’t you crying and apologizing enough for them?

Fuck returning to Touya and fuck Keigo for being the same cheating piece of shit.

It’s almost reminiscent of the very first party Touya took you to. You’re upset as you snag a bottle off the liquor table and disappear to the upstairs of this stupid house. On the way with the bottle, you spot a lonely young man nursing a red cup in his hand; he looks meek. You think he’ll do.

“Hey,” you approach him and don’t really care the way he jerks in surprise, “do you think I’m cute?”

You’re given a once over and his face flushes before answering, “Yeah. I think you’re-“

“Okay, come with me.” you’re pulling him with your free hand to a room at the end of the hallway. He’s sputtering behind you but you don’t really have a care as you take charge of pushing him into the bedroom. The door locks and you take off the cap off the bottle to drink straight from the lip.

Ugh, whiskey.

Just like the first time too.

The young man still holds his red cup and you don’t even bother to ask if he’d like any. Whiskey pours into the plastic, mixing with whatever alcohol he was nursing. Being a little drunk will be necessary to go through with this. Maybe also a little sniff too.

You sit close to a bedside table and lay your phone face up, pulling the cocaine from your pocket. It doesn’t occur to you that you do it without having a second thought at this point. To be able to get through your hard moments and when you need to collect yourself, coke had always done a better job of comforting you these days. You cut a line neatly before looking over to your company and offering him one as well, “You want? It’s good.”

He politely declines and he’s wary as you make a second one anyway. You inhale both of them and now you’re a little more sure of yourself. The numbness from when you gummed earlier in the bathroom is starting to wear off so you collect coke off your phone screen to numb the inside of your lip again.

“Drink.” You tell the young man as you raise the whiskey bottle to your lips. He obeys and you realize that this is the first time in a while you’ve had a guy ever listen to you. No questions or anything, just immediate obedience.

It felt… different.

Actually not different. Maybe a little familiar…

The whiskey burns down your throat and it’s not a pleasant taste with the drip at the back of your throat.

You pat the edge of the bed in indication for him to join you. Again, with no question or complaint, he does as told and sits right next to you. “I’m really mad,” you say out loud, “and I wanna do something about it.”

“Oh um… I’m sorry you’re mad.” he tells you with uncertainty of what his part is.

Already the alcohol makes you a little loose in your mind and you think this is a good idea to follow through with. You take another shot for courage before settling the bottle down on the floor and taking his cup from your hands. “You ever go down on a girl?” You ask him as you swirl the liquid in the red cup. He face flushes but he nods his head.

Silently you open your legs, your eyes flicking down to the space in between.

“You know, I think you’re drunk-“

You raise a finger to his lips to hush him, “I won’t ask a second time.”

There is something very different about ordering someone else around and being given what you want. It’s satisfying when he does as told, going on his knees before you and kissing along the inside of your thighs first. You lean back slightly, letting one hand to support your weight while you sip at the red cup. “Tell me I’m pretty.”

“You’re pretty… really pretty.” He whispers against your skin  before pushing your dress over your thighs. “You’re… you’re really hot.”

Your eyes flutter and you feel the coke in your brain now. It swims in your veins along with the whiskey. Your panties are pulled to the side and despite him being so shy initially, you gasp as you’re eaten out so sloppily.

He tongues at your clit and licks you up and down with enthusiasm that you wouldn’t have expected. A quiet fuck is gasped out by you and for a moment, you’re exhilarated. For a moment, you enjoy the talented tongue of a stranger on your pussy. For a moment, you forget how mad you were at Keigo-

But then you feel a soft bite to the inside of your thigh, lips closing around the skin and a soft sucking. It feels good and you think to let it happen but then you realize something. That even if you were to lord it over Touya or Keigo that you fucked someone back, you wouldn’t be able to keep this guy’s identity a secret. He’s innocent and unknowing of anything about you, just thinks you’re a random cute girl he’s getting lucky with. Because knowing your boys, they would find out who no matter what.

Touya’s already beat two men up over you, both way more than he really should have and you felt incredibly guilty when it happened both times.

They’d definitely hurt this poor guy.

You don’t want to do this after all.

“Don’t! Stop!” You jerk back and the red cup fumbles out of your hand. Whiskey spills all over you and all over the young man in front of you. You fumble apologies now that you realize what you’re doing. “I’m sorry! I don’t—I don’t want to anymore!”

He’s flustered too and he looks sorry, as if he thinks he had done something wrong.

Looks like you can’t give them a taste of their own medicine and a part of you is very upset over this fact. But you’re also too considerate to drag anyone innocent into your fucked up relationship with boyfriends.

Honestly, it is irritating that they don’t give the same courtesy to you. You’re upset because you feel guilty for attempting to cheat back and equally upset that you just can’t go through with it.

“Did I do something wrong? Did I not do it right?” He starts to ask.

“No! No, you’re actually good. Really good, truthfully.” you give him a genuine compliment over his performance, “I just can’t. My boyfriends would kill me.”

“Boyfriends? Plural?” He asks but the door knocks, and the both of you jerk in surprise.

“(Name)! Are you in there?”

Oh fuck! Oh fuck! It’s Touya!

You try to think quickly, looking around the room for any hiding spot. Whether for himself or you, you’re not sure yet. All there is a closet so you take the red cup and shove it in the guy’s hand, aggressively pointing to the closet for him to hide in, and again, he listens with no argument. Touya pounds on the door a few times and the lock starts to jiggle.

You take the whiskey bottle for one last big swig before placing the cap back on it.

The door swings open, a dent in the middle of the wood from Touya’s boot, and your boyfriends enter the room.

“Fucking hell! You had us worried and searching every goddamn room in this house!” Touya barks at you but you see that he’s more relieved than angry. His eyes naturally draw to your phone and the cocaine out on the table and he sighs to himself. “What did I say about-“

You burst into tears, audibly sobbing and holding the whiskey bottle close to your chest. Now the whiskey hits you and the guilt hits you even harder. Maybe you’re not really cut out for being a cheater. You want to hurt them back in the same way they hurt you but you just can’t.

It makes you feel so pathetic.

“Hey, hey… don’t cry dove. Is this about downstairs?” Keigo asks as he kneels down in front of you, “Look, nothing happened. I didn’t do anything-“

“Don’t lie to me! I already know you did!” You cry in between hiccups, “Just go away!”

He attempts to soothe you again but with no real apology attached to his words, “Hey, we won’t do that shit again as long as you don’t hide anything from us anymore. We only did because you lied to us first and it really hurt us.”

Touya pries the bottle out of your hands and pushes off your arms when you try to reach for it. “You’re drunk and you reek of whiskey. I can smell it all over you. We’re taking you home.”

A part of you wants to put up a fight just to be stubborn but the smarter part knows that you should leave right away. That poor guy is still in the closet and you’re embarrassed that you even tried to cheat back in revenge in the first place.

So you stay quiet as you’re led out of the bedroom and choose to not look back. You walk behind Touya and Keigo, quickly adjusting your panties underneath your dress and trying to keep your head down as you walk out the party.

You shower alone and inspect your body as you clean yourself. There’s a small hickey on the inside of your thigh from your attempt in the bedroom. You wish that more had happened, that you had gotten more guts to go through with it. You’re also grateful that nothing happened more than that.

Still though, they got to hurt you in the way they wanted and you…

You just have to take it.

━━━━✧

end notes: including my extra tags - also wanted to show case how the reader actually interacts with another man / cuz obviously when it comes to the boys she’s only submissive at this point / it wasn’t just her being drunk in the scene it was actually the old version of her that came out for a bit / pt 1 reader had a little more spine so i just wanted to bring her back for a hot minute

#REPOST #dabi x reader #todoroki touya x reader #hawks x reader #takami keigo x reader #tw cheating #tw drugs #tw toxic relationship #us series

[foxofninetales]

By any other name by fox_of_nine_tales

Written for the DMBJ Rarepair Exchange 2023 as a gift for @onmyo-jin​

Fandom: DMBJ | The Grave Robber’s Chronicles and related fandoms, Yin-Yang Master: Dream of Eternity fusion

Relationship: Hei Xiazi/Liu Sang/Xie Yuchen

Rating: Teen

Tags:  onmyouji Xie Yuchen, Fox Spirit Liu Sang,guardian demon shishen Hei Xiazi, First Meetings, Hurt/Comfort, Alternate Universe          

Summary:

The ashes of the past are turned to snow, and snow melts into spring blossoms. A night-hunt, an unexpected meeting, and a new beginning.

Excerpt:

The creature moves warily; he doesn't trust at first that he has lost them, but as one minute follows the next and still there is no further attack, the pattern of his movement changes: slower, and more stealthy, looking around for any hint of pursuit rather than fleeing half-blindly. He spends half an incense stick just hiding in one spot, seemingly settled, until Xiao Hua can feel Xiazi's boredom rubbing against their connection like sand. Xiao Hua himself is starting to think that maybe they have guessed wrong when finally the demon begins to move again - and this time with more purpose. He backtracks for a ways, along the path they had all followed, and then veers to the east.

"Soon," Xiao Hua whispers to the night, and feels Xiazi sharpen.

Author’s commentary:  

(fic spoilers ahead)

My specialty in exchanges lately seems to be "extremely specific cross-fandom fusions that will only interest 5 people on the planet". Whoops! But I know my recipient is a big Onmyouji fan, and the world of the YYM:DoE movie is so lovely that I couldn't resist dabbling in it.

I knew I wanted to play with shishen names and their meanings, and have the meanings of the DMBJ character names be used as their shishen names, but... look, poor Liu Sang really does have a singularly inauspicious name. The kindest way I could find to twist a name full of death and endings was to look at them as part of the yin-yang dichotomy, as endings that must happen for new beginnings to take place. ...annnnnnd then the theme of the fic hit me like a Mack truck.

I did not decide for Xiazi to be a crow-demon, but he decided that, and I've learned that sometimes it's best to let the character do what they want. In little worldbuilding notes, I especially loved coming up with Xiao Hua's past shishen.

Read it on AO3

Image credit

#dmbj #yym: doe #my fic #foxfic #by any other name

[dominimoonbeam]

The Fanfic Writer Questionnaire!

I was tagged by @ejunkiet to do this Fanfic Writer Questionnaire and now that I'm FINALLY getting back to my "normal" life and writing and talking to people again after the move, this seemed like a really fun way to start! I think I got waaaaaaaaaay to in-depth and confessional.

Tagging some people who I'd love to see play but also just anyone feeling like it! @glassbearclock @taelonsamada @romirola @zozo-01 @colloquialcolival

1 - How many works do you have on AO3?

130. I had to look up my stats and I had no idea! 92 of those are Redacted…

2 - What's your total AO3 word count?

Holy shit… 907,249

3 - What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly Redacted, TOG, and 19 Days but I’ve dabbled in a handful of others over the years.

4 - What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Finally Alive (TOG), Waiting (TOG), Pieces of the Moon (TOG), Open (19 Days), and Kicking and Screaming (TOG). Look at The Old Guard dominating that particular stat!

5 - Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! There have been times where I miss one or too much time has gone, but otherwise yes. I love comments. For a long time I got in my own head about comments or even liking things because I thought I was bothering people, and that sometimes carries over to replying to comments when I’ve been busy and a week or two has passed, but then I just do it because nice things are always okay to toss out into the world!

6 - What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don’t think I do ansty endings… I do a shit ton of trauma and hurt, but there’s always comfort payoff. Lemme see… OH! Oh fuck, it’s Stop it. I love that tiny ficlet. Warden blows themself up to take Vega with them out of Elegy.

7 -What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Almost all of my fics have a happy ending… or at least the promise of happiness to come. I need a happy ending. I absolutely run from anything (fics, books, movies, shows) if I see any hint that they’re aiming to hurt/no comfort me.

Lemme see… who had the happiest ending… I’m going to say Come Home. It’s a Nightwing/Cassandra Cain fic I did ages back and something about that ending and them is just particularly satisfying to me. And Scars That Remind. I think the hard road and possibility of not getting that happy ending makes it happier... if that makes sense to anyone else?

8 - Do you get hate on fics?

Not usually but it has happened. Both the stuff that’s just someone taking a topic or character personally, or trying to make a statement, and actual vomit emojis.... hehe it was a particularly lewd fic and I think they were inspired to hate because I actually said I was proud of the work and I don't usually share those feelings/thoughts.

9 - Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Oh my, yes. Where's the stat for that? I'm a sucker for deep emotional connections and trust. Even when I set out to write porn, it ends up being emotional.

10 - Do you write crossovers?

Nope.

11 - Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12 - Have you ever had a fic translated?

Maybe? I had someone ask if they could translate one of my 19 Days fics for another site and I said they could as long as they weren't pretending they wrote it.

13 - Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. I'm not really comfortable co-writing like that. But I used to write on rp sites long ago (it's where I met my person) and even before that I used to write stories with a friend. We would actually trade notebooks back and forth between classes to read what the other had done and add to it.

14 - What's your all time favorite ship?

Oh shit... It's been a lot of ships.

15 - What's a WIP that you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I really hate the pressure to finish long fics. I used to only do long fics because I want to keep the world and keep adding but then there's the pressure where people ask if you've abandoned it. And I always feel like "no? it's not a couch I left by the street. it's a fic. i wrote it. it's mine even if it's unended forever." And I just really want the option to go back into that world and keep going even if it's years later (which I have definitely done). ...This is absolutely my way of not answering this question.

16 - What are your writing strengths?

I'm usually pretty fast when I'm in it? And dialogue? I think I'm okay at dialogue

17 - What are your writing weaknesses?

Remembering my own descriptive choices? Weather, dates, settings, side-character names... Fluff. I'm not good at writing wholesome everyday things. Some people are so incredible at that and I'm just not. I just straight to the meat of everything every time. I worry it harms the flow and build of a lot of things.

18 - Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I will usually dance around it if it's not a language I know, like just saying in narrative that the character said it in another language, assuming both parties understand or making a point of them not. I looooved this with Nicky and Joe in TOG and the idea of them using each others languages in the early decades to try to communicate better when what they were saying became important OR going back to their own when they're too upset to use a second language.

19 - First fandom you wrote for?

Technically... The Black Jewels Trilogy when I was a baby. Like I said, I was so shy and just, afraid of being in the way in the world. I had been reading fics for years but didn't even have an account. I start writing some for Black Jewels and made and account and posted... Someone rolled into the comments and picked it apart. I'm sure it wasn't as bad as I remember. I guess I'd used a lot of the terms in the books wrong? I was so horrified I deleted the fic and the account and didn't fic for a few more years. I even deleted the fic from my computer. I've dug around looking for it again since but it's absolutely gone. SO, the actual answer, is The Covenant over on ffnet. I couldn't find much of what I wanted so I started writing it.

20 - Favorite fic you've written?

Favorite of my own!!? I am surprised how uncomfortable I am answering that... Okay, the thing is, I love my fics. I am so scared to admit that because it feels conceded as fuck but I honestly write what I want to read for the most part. I do go back and reread my own shit. Soooo I'm going to say Pieces of the Moon. It short and sweet and feels like a fairy tale. But the answer would change week to week.

#fanfic writer questionnaire #i'm starting to see how i got to 900k i'm wordy as hell #<3 #dominimoonbeam #wallflower trying to do people things #fanfic

[bekkachaos]

you showed me everything underneath the stars (put your handprint on my heart)

Just a little fic set somewhere after 4x12

G | 2.8k

Read on AO3

Michael paced the floor, it felt like all he could do.

Alex sat looking pale and breathing heavy. The dark tendrils were climbing his skin like rising water threatening to replace all the air around him, he knew he was drowning and all he could do was gulp for air. Kyle had the stethoscope to his chest and a hard line on his mouth. For a doctor, he didn't have the greatest poker face.

Maybe that's just because it was Alex sitting in front of him, and he was racking the darkest corners of his brain for anything that he could do to reverse the damage that had been done.

And Michael could see it in his eyes, in the way he checked the results of the blood test for the fourth time as though it would show him something new, show him that Alex hadn't crossed the line between 'we can bring him back' and 'we can make him comfortable'.

Alex already knew it, he didn't need to see the deepening furrow in Kyle's brow, hear the grinding of Michael's teeth as he took quick steps past him, back and forth, back and forth. He had known it before they had made it out of the pocket dimension. He knew enough about radiation poisoning to recognise the signs.

Finally, maybe after having spent some time arguing with himself internally, Kyle stepped up and away from the computer. He put his hands on his hips and bit down on his lip, looking away from Alex as Michael honed in on him. He stood before him with pleading eyes, swallowing the lump of fear and inevitability in his throat.

"Is Evans still... has he recovered yet?" he asked quietly, and Michael felt his stomach drop.

There would only be one reason for Kyle to ask about Max at a time like this. This wasn't something a human doctor - even one that's dabbled extensively in alien biology - could fix.

Max had been so weak after they'd defeated Clyde, it had almost drained him dry and taken everything in him to fight him off. Healing Liz, saving Rosa, that took so much out of him, and Michael felt himself grinding his teeth again because no, Max hadn't recovered, and even Michael knew how much it would take to heal Alex.

He didn't have to answer, almost like Kyle could read his mind. Kyle nodded, a slow dip of his head and a look back to Alex.

"I... you were exposed for a long time," he said finally, this time it was Alex's turn to nod.

It was a soft understanding thing, a smile playing lightly on his lips because he had known for a while that he was dying, and he knew it was going to hurt Kyle more than him if he had to say the words out loud.

He was dying. He was going to die from this.

Unless Max was back to full strength soon, Alex would die.

"You did the best you could," he said, and Kyle scoffed, shaking his head as he stepped back towards him.

"Only you could be trying to comfort me in this situation," he said. "I didn't do anything, Alex. There's nothing..."

"Hey," Alex said, reaching out and putting his clammy hand over Kyle's white knuckles. "You did, you did more than anyone should have ever asked you to."

Kyle took Alex's hand in his and held it tight a moment, dropping his eyes and failing at trying to hide the tremble of his lip as he sucked in a deep breath through his nose and coughed to get the stabbing feeling out of his throat.

"It's not enough," he said.

They stayed like that for a lingering look, plenty unsaid between them, and it didn't have to be said. They knew, without words they knew what the other would say.

I'm sorry we drifted apart when we were kids, I'm sorry that's my fault.

I'm glad we made up for it these last few years, I'm glad you're in my life, and I'm sorry I'm leaving.

Michael stood watching them and it was like he was frozen in place, neither of them said anything, but it was clear as the starry sky over the mountains outside, they were saying goodbye.

"I um, I'll go talk to the others," Kyle said, finally pulling his hands away and turning to Michael with glassy eyes. "I'll go check on Evans."

As he took a step to leave Michael stepped in front, putting a hand to his chest to stop him.

"There's got to be more mist," he said in a desperate breath. "Or Liz can make some more."

"There's none left," he sighed. "And I don't think... I'm not sure she has time to make any."

"There's got to be something else," he choked, and Kyle reached out to squeeze his arm.

He was no stranger to pleading family members, talking to him like he should be able to heal any ailment, slow down time or suspend it entirely to find a way to save the person they love.

It had never been this hard.

"Michael," they both looked to Alex, his chest rising and falling with his laboured breaths and holding a hand out for him.

Michael was starting to fall apart. His face twisted with the realisation, the pain and the tears that were already welling in his eyes. Those wild eyes still gazing frantically around like the solution, the cure, would come from the air around them.

"Go to him," Kyle said but Michael still stopped him from leaving.

"Valenti please you have to-"

"Guerin," he said. "He needs you, not me. Let me go find the others, give you a minute."

Michael took a shaky breath but walked around him and over to Alex, taking his hand in his and brushing his hair back over his brow once, and again, and then with his thumb against his cheek.

Kyle turned to watch them a minute, dropping his head and leaving them alone in the silent room.

"Hey," Alex said, blinking slowly and gazing up into Michael's tired eyes. "You are going to be okay, you hear me?"

Michael shook his head before he was leaning in to press his forehead against Alex.

"No," he croaked. "Nothing about this is okay."

"I know," Alex said, closing his eyes and leaning into the soft touch of Michael's fingers against his skin. "I was really looking forward to seeing Sanders in that tux."

Michael laughed, one loud chuckle followed by the sound of him swallowing down a sob, tears falling down his cheeks.

"I should have just let you marry me," he said. "You wanted a wedding and I should have-"

"I don't care about a wedding," Alex said. "I wanted a husband, and I don't think... I don't think a ceremony or a ring matters, you matter. You're all I've wanted since I was seventeen."

"You're not supposed to leave me when we finally get things figured out," he said.

"Michael," Alex said, his eyelids opening slowly to look at him, chest heavy from the sickness and only compounded by the broken look on Michael's face. "I'm not leaving, if there was ever a choice know I would never leave you, I've done enough of that."

"There's got to be something..." Michael said, pulling back with a defiant wrinkle in his brow. "You told me back at that portal to make it work, get us back. You knew I could."

"I had faith in you," he said with a soft smile. "If you're not going to, then I'll have enough for both of us."

God, Michael loved him. In the way you were supposed to love someone else, it was just built into him like stars are built into the sky. They've always been there, probably always will be, even when the sun drowns them out, they'll always be back again, painted across the endless dark night no matter where in the universe you stood. 

There was no way he was letting this be the end for them. He had found things in him the last few years he never thought possible. He was the son of Jones, and he'd seen all the things Jones could do, the things Max could. His blood ran through his veins, and maybe that was enough, maybe he had more in him yet.

His fingers slid slowly down Alex's neck and over his collarbone until he could slip them under his shirt. Alex looked down and then back up at him from under his heavy eyelashes.

"What are you doing?" he said in a breath.

"Something I've never tried before," he said.

"You think..." he started, before biting down on his lip.

"Someone once told me that my powers were the only ones without limits," Michael said softly. "So let's see if maybe she was right."

"At least you can't make things worse," Alex said as he lifted his hand up to caress Michael's arm and take in a deep breath.

Michael looked at him with a deeply unimpressed gaze.

"You are so unhelpful," he said with a shake of his head. "And I love you, more than anything on any goddamn planet out there."

"I love you too," Alex said, fingers squeezing gently, wincing as another wave of pain and nausea washed over him. "And I believe in you."

Michael nodded and exhaled sharply, steadying his feet and looking down at his hands. Where did he start? He loved Alex, and he needed this to work. So how did he make it work?

He closed his eyes and pictured it, the black in Alex's veins and the poison flowing through them. He imagined pulling it out of him, absorbing it into his body and expelling it out and away where it couldn't do anymore damage. He imagined taking in all Alex's pain, the relief he would feel knowing he was free from the hurt and the fear.

He imagined what it would be like if Alex died, here, in his arms, and he would be damned if he let that be the way it ended.

His hand felt hot against Alex's skin, his eyes closed so tightly as he ran those thoughts over and over again in his mind. No one, nothing, was taking Alex from him. He refused to let it.

He could feel the energy coursing through him and his body shook with it, he opened his eyes to see a faint red glow under his fingers and he knew the shock came out through his mouth. He grit his teeth and let the thoughts consume him, growing stronger and more intense until he was groaning, all but yelling into the air around them and his entire hand was aglow, almost on fire.

Alex suddenly sucked in a breath, fingers getting so tight against Michael's arm that his knuckles were white. Michael's head was dizzy and he felt a jolt, like an electric shock, and he was pulling his hand away, falling back and stumbling until he was on his back on the floor.

His vision was blurry, the room was spinning. He didn't know how long he had been lying there, it could have been seconds, or minutes.

A figure appeared above him and he felt hands on his cheeks, a voice calling him back. It took a moment, but slowly Alex's face cleared above him, his eyes wide as they searched for a lucid response 

"Michael!"

"I'm... I'm okay..." he said, and as his ears cleared he heard Alex scoff.

"Look at me," he said, and finally, Michael's vision returned to normal.

"Did it..." Michael said, almost wanting to stay in the moment where he didn't know either way if it worked or it didn't.

Alex pulled his shirt aside, the black veins were gone, and Michael could see a faint shimmering, alien touch painted on his skin like a night full of stars.

"I don't feel dizzy, or nauseous," he said, his smile getting wider. "I feel..."

Michael sat up quickly - immediately wishing he didn't - and took Alex's face in his hands, colliding with him for a kiss that was all lips and teeth and dragging one another together like they would never be close enough.

"What happened in-" Kyle said as he appeared in the doorway, looking down in disbelief as Alex knelt by Michael's side, a hint of the handprint showing under his shirt collar. "How..."

"Tell your girl she's got a wedding to plan," Michael said, turning to look up at him with a wider grin than he'd worn in a long while. "A big one, biggest fucking alien wedding Roswell's ever seen."

Alex laughed and shook his head, using Michael's shoulder as leverage to get to his feet.

"You're crazy," he said, completely unprepared for Kyle's body crushing into him from the side and squeezing him in a hug.

"Only for you baby," Michael said, still sitting on the floor and looking up at him with disbelief.

"How did you... I didn't think that... You've never been able to do that before, have you?" Kyle said, starting at least three sentences as he finally let Alex go and offered his hand to Michael who winced as he helped him up.

He was still dizzy, and Kyle had to catch him and guide him to the closest chair to sit down.

"Nope," Michael said, closing his eyes and putting a hand to his head. "That's a new one."

"Well sit down and let me check you out," he said, turning back to Alex. "You too."

"Yes doc," he said, sitting back down in the patient's seat and grinning over to Michael.

He had that sparkle back in his eye, his fingers reaching up to touch the iridescent mark on his skin while Kyle started to check him over again.

"It's like this weight has just... lifted," he said. "I don't think I felt this good even before I ended up in that sinkhole."

"Yeah, well you can sit still another five minutes so I can make sure," Kyle said, grumbling in tone but smiling ear to ear.

"I can't believe that worked," Michael said incredulously.

"We don't know that-" 

"Look at you!" Michael said, hand gesturing to the mark.

He groaned at the quick movement, hand to his head again.

"I feel fine," Alex said, pushing Kyle back. "Maybe check on Michael."

"It's just a little..." Michael said, making a spinning movement with his hand around his head.

"Are we in a rush?" Kyle said, eyebrows high. "Seriously, two minutes ago you were dying, and you," he pointed to Michael. "You just pulled a new trick out of the alien knapsack so you can both just... take a breath!"

Alex sighed and pulled his shirt down further so Kyle could listen in.

"Well I'm in a rush," Michael said. "I've got a fiancé we just brought back from another dimension and an empty shower back home that needs some company."

Alex grinned at him and Michael gave him a wink.

"Stethoscope is in, but that doesn't mean I can't hear that," Kyle said without looking up.

"So... are you going to tell us how long you've been hooking up with Isobel then?" Alex asked.

"Guess you really did get probed in Mexico," Michael said and this time the exasperation on Kyle's face was real as he turned to him.

"Okay, you're clearly fine. Alex, I want to take another blood sample, but... you sound..." he didn't finish the thought, he just clapped a hand to his shoulder.

Another silent exchange between the two of them.

"So I can take him home?" Michael said, and Kyle pointed at him sternly.

"Be gentle," he said. "And let Iz drive, I'd really rather not be able to say that we all made it through this just for you to die in a fiery crash."

"Alright," Alex conceded with a shrug. "But I've been stuck in a radioactive alien dimension for over a week and my fiancé just saved my life so, I can't promise gentle."

"Okay," Kyle said as he pursed his lips and got up to leave the room.

Michael stood, slowly this time, and walked over to where Alex sat.

"You know I'm not sure I like you calling me that," he said, cupping Alex's face with his hands.

Alex reached up to hold his wrists and sighed.

"Novelty already worn off huh?" he teased, but finally, Michael's face was all serious and warm, looking at Alex like he was the centre of everything.

"I'd rather you call me your husband."

He leant in for a kiss, soft and tender. Michael was more sure of that than he had been of anything in his life.

#malex #malex fanfiction #alex manes #michael guerin #kyle valenti #this started sad and ended up happy #i honestly have no idea where this came from #bekka writes

[stripedwolf88]

15 Questions for 15 Mutuals

Yay! More tag games! Thank you for tagging me @bettysgarden12.

1.Are you named after anyone? I am not! But I am named after a bird. The quetzal to be specific.

2. When was the last time I cried? Um. I honestly don't remember. Maybe a few weeks ago?

3. Do you have kids? Nope. I am way too young. I would like to be a parent one day though.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Yeah I think so. Mostly when I am really comfortable with who I am speaking to or when someone is pissing me off.

5. What sports do you play/have you played? It has been YEARS but I used to play soccer. Nothing now.

6. What is the first thing you notice about people? Uuuuum. I guess their voice and energy? I can kind of tell whether someone is annoying or not by their voice and their energy and for some reason those things are intertwined for me.

7. Scary movies or happy endings? Oh happy endings all the way, my dudes. I cannot handle scary movies unless they have a good ending amd even then I sometimes can't do it. I'm a sucker for happy ending and they never bore me. ☺

8. Any special talents? I can touch my tongue to my nose? And I can snap my fingers pretty loudly without hurting them? I don't really have any other than that.

9. Where were you born? Phoenix, Arizona. Born and raised. I've also never lived anywhere else.

10. What are your hobbies? I like to read, write, draw, watch youtube, and occasionally dabble with my instruments. I can play the viola and piano. I currently have a ukulele and a guitar I'm trying to learn how to play on my own.

11. Do you have any pets? Yes. They are the family pets which makes them just as much mine as they are to the other people in my house. I have a cat and a dog. My cats is striped with a brownish grayish sandy and black color pallet. He also has slightly longer fur. My dog is some kind of blue heeler/German shepard mix. She's very vocal. Their names are Piccolo and Gigi respectively.

12. All time favorite pieces of media? I absolutely love Definitely, Maybe as I have mentioned before. I also love Pride and Prejudice the movie from 2005. My favorite books are (once again) Ask The Passengers by A.S. King and The Lesbiana's Guide to Catholic School by Sonora Reyes.

13. Fave subject in school? Science for middle school and my first year of high school but then English for the rest of the time.

14. Dream job? I'm not sure I have one. I think I'd like to be a therapist maybe one day or a social worker. But I'm kind of open in this deoartment.

15. Eye color? Brown. Dark brown that many people tell me they look almost black. Haha.

No pressure tags: @thearcher1003 @detective-jane-rizzoli @lyricstoojesus @dirtyrobber70 @downy-roses @missy832001 @antitheticaldreamgirl-13 @wonderrwoman00 @lovesazutara @r1ghtwhereyouleftme @speaknowmaybe @verdantsecretgardens @obliviouskara @monscrow @furby-customs

#tag game

[shuitsuki]

Life is hard being one of the few people who actually somewhat likes the current enstars event story despite the (few imo) ooc instances or very discomforting moments. Ones that have been the reason of deep rooted inner turmoil for many.

A lot of fans claiming that some moments are ooc when they literally are not, like people forgetting Aira is dishonest and a tsun and she’s stressed of course she’d be rejecting Hiiro’s hand and lap offers that’s literally a core part of their dynamic but also Aira as a whole that she’s snappy and reactive and cruel at times. It’s even told to us that Aira makes sure to be extra sweet for Kohaku, something that isn’t Fake, but still purposefully done. And it’s cute because they’re both that so sweet towards each other. If Hiiro hadn’t said anything in that moment or if she hadn’t just been turned down herself, I’m sure she would’ve slipped her hand into his own for comfort in a heartbeat. Aira is a bittersweet girl; in an opposite way to Kohaku. Her childishness manifests differently to Kohaku’s own.

Producers of certain characters are saying their favorites have been ooc, but don’t go on to explain how exactly, or in what scenes. I dabble in and love Crazy:B but I am only ALKALOIDp, so I wouldn’t know… Rinne’s been said to have went too far with some of his schemes like the laxative thing which is like. Um. Well. I suppose he is trying to do everything he can to win, despite what he learned at the MDM; Rinne is still somewhat ruthless. He seems to still have quite the vendetta against how ALKALOID is treated by higher-ups and painted to the masses in comparison to his own unit. I thought the way he feels is pretty interesting. Generally, I’ve kind of loved Rinne in this story.

Although… everyone does feel a little off and I don’t know why. I admit that. Maybe, it’s because they are so shaken and tense.

Now I’m going to talk about a topic I’ve only really spoken of on twitter, one that had my initial reaction being a stomachache and solely negative thoughts, until I started thinking about it more.

I was afraid of how they’d portray the Amagi village at first, the possibility of them treating the Ainu without respect and making it stereotyped. So I was surprised by all the research they’d put in, and the parts of the story used to even go against some of these. However, the execution of this, the amount of microaggressions spewed by one character only and the educating needing to be done for them… I was happy they weren’t babying her for the ignorance coming out of her with their words nor their tone, instead telling her how wrong it is and how it hurt to hear; the fact she should know better at her age. How she’d immediately double down and do it again was a strange decision, but I suppose internalized biases aren’t immediately unlearned. She grew up in a society in which it’s all too common to have such beliefs (the world in general is that way, I think. I’m not implying “asian people don’t know what’s right and wrong 🥺” as they are not infants—but racism is something that is ingrained into many from birth, but can be unlearned if one cares to. Racism that even the best people can contribute to, without meaning to; anyone is capable of offense.) She is terminally online and stated to not be very smart. You can tell it doesn’t come from a place of maliciousness even if it makes you grip your thigh so hard, to read. Especially when you love her.

The rest of her unit seem sick of it. Which is sad—the way their dear friend is saying such things when they are All marginalized to some extent, including her, is bound to hurt. But it could’ve been made one of those situations where a marginalized person is made to hold someone’s hand & explain to them why their views are bad like one would to a child, with an unlimited amount of patience. I’m glad it isn’t.

The feelings of brown and indigenous fans are justified and sad to see. I have also seen people asking others to block them for not seeing it as a completely negative addition, which is fair, but one cannot speak for everyone. Especially when it didn’t come out of nowhere, there’s even Ainu fans who are thankful for their struggles being addressed within such a big IP. I keep having to hear “how can a person who’s gotten bullied for being hafu and struggled with it so much be racist? It doesn’t make sense!” over and over again like a broken record, as if it’s something that’s impossible in the real world when mixed people can be racist, have been racist. It won’t cancel anything out, being bullied doesn’t mean you can’t be ignorant. It’s intersectionality 101.

It could’ve been handled with more tact or be done more tastefully. Akira has a really direct approach to addressing things, shoving prejudiced views (racism, transphobia, particularly transmisogyny) into the players’ faces to be able to then explain to them why it’s bad like the morals being taught in a kid’s show, and it can be a very uncomfortable experience. But honestly, the target audience for Ensemble Stars partially needed it to get people to reflect on their internal biases, such beliefs are rampant in JP spaces, called out by Mayoi himself in the same story. Countless cosplayers still partake in brownface to this day, and fancontent of the Amagi village is done with stereotypes and a lack of care enough for one to notice, ones that are so similar to the views being judged in the story. But it’s also prevalent in ENG spaces too, at times, I won’t pretend it isn’t. I see it in many interpretations of their hometown or implying that because they are indigenous they’d be more prone to engage in incest when they can just… do it without dragging their race into it. There’s even comments about the Amagis made that seem innocuous but hold a lot of weight, particularly ones regarding their intelligence, or their hygiene, etc.

Aira has always been the audience stand-in from the start, as well as the type of girl to say things without thinking, as much as it makes sense nobody would like to have such a thing rubbed into their face or coming out of their favourite character’s mouth, imagining how they would react to them if they knew them in real life and being crushed by the thought. I see it less as her being given the trait of “racist” to make her a worse person, and more utilizing her as a narrative tool… but we are all entitled to our own feelings about it. I think she can do better. I really am not against it being addressed. One cannot expect people to not feel sick being exposed to micro (or even macro) aggressions, of course.

Some, including those directly affected, say they are happy for it to be spoken of rather than not brought up at all. Others think that it shouldn’t have been due to the fact they knew such serious topics wouldn’t be handled the way they’d like for it to. They ask, think of her fans! Which is fair. But this is something that has occured before, even it not so egregiously. Previously, she was given no consequences for it. She’s always been a little cruel.

I don’t know how people think ignoring or pretending certain things in the content they like didn’t happen will do any good. I thought we were meant to be critical of what we consume. I too kind of wish it wasn’t there at all, especially coming out of the mouth of one of my top three favourites, but whether it’s necessary or unnecessary is up to debate. I think they could have made it an NPC instead, as many argue. People think this is a new thing and that’s in part why they claim it was a bad writing choice to make her seem like a bad person so late into the game (4 years) but Aira has made tasteless remarks in the past, too? I used to believe it could’ve reflected the views of the authors, it made me uncomfortable too. Image not created by my hands but essentially:

People are not obligated to love her, but I don’t think I will stop loving her because of this. I don’t think this is a necessary, “realistic” flaw to add to your main characters, ones that are meant to be likeable, but this behaviour isn’t out of the blue. I do wish she could’ve just gone and been normal about it and had some internal monologue about how wrong she was. There was many possible ways to execute it.

All of those thoughts aside, there’s a lot of scenes & aspects of this story that I like a lot like the entirety of part 1 and bits and pieces of part 2, though part 3 is not out yet… It’s nice to get to see characters who don’t or hardly ever or have even never interacted before speak to each other, as well as Rinne and Aira’s dynamic as narrative foils being addressed again since it’s something I’ve been interested in for years, I really like the peeks of the past when it comes to Rinne’s early idol days and I also love AkanP. Pathetic butch alcohol producer. The Kaname mentions make me crazy for multiple reasons, especially including the fact both HiMERU & Tatsumi didn’t really know him as a person. I’m not sure how to feel about the whole ES colonizing plot point that has been set up since SS… ES really is evil. Well, it always has been; but I haven’t seen any Eichi fans talking about that. Nobodys talking about the Eichi idol colonialism. Which is interesting. I love my princess, but I still kind of have to kill him for the millionaire heir who is engaging in evil capitalist endeavours thing. I like watching Tatsumi be stressed out. I like alkakurei. There’s been so many heartfelt moments I’ve loved, and so, so many silly ones, too? It hasn’t even entirely felt like “fluff” because there are things being set up & stakes and stuff. As a “finale” would entail. I suppose some expect more grandeur and that’s fair in fact always wish for more. I took ten million screenshots, some posted some kept away in my pocket and stayed up to read livetweets both times it was occuring so far and was vibrating the whole time. A lot of my thoughts I kept to myself honestly! There’s been interesting insights …

I understand why people are very upset, or think it isn’t of enough substance, or that it just has yaoibait which I guess is fair due to the fact that Akira even managed to slip mpreg in as he always does.

Also, not every issue between every character can be addressed in one story, despite this being meant to bring a sense of closure. There is an entire third part we don’t have yet, and I still want to see it! I want to know what the fuck is up with that third baby Amagi. And I’m thankful nothing is VR. It definitely has more substance than ALKALOID’s climax, that’s for sure.

#ʚɞ #late night thoughts #also if you’d like to discuss I’d prefer it to be in replies or nonanon asks …………… TankQ #these are just general event thoughts but the aira part got long #espost

[moopsy-daisy]

Wait, it was OCD the Whole Time??

That common moment, all too universal, when you connect a behavior in your present to an event in your past. I've spent YEARS trying to find a spiritual spot to land, trying out deities and faiths in earnest. Every time, I might find a little comfort but ultimately it would ring hollow. I'd move on to the next inspiration.

Last night, at the holy hour of 4am - when all the strangest things happen - some of my neurons fired together and now my self-image has shifted. Even dreamt of earthquakes after, though that might've had to do with my partner climbing into bed while I was asleep.

"Give your worries to God, and if you're sincere, His Grace will free you from your fears."

That's what they told me when I was growing up. I heard it a few different ways, but it always came back to the idea that if your faith is strong enough, you won't fear anything.

Except, I was Always Scared.

No amount of thinking or praying or Bible reading worked for more than 5 minutes, if that. Fear coursed through my veins at all hours, shocked me from my sleep, and began to eat my entire life. I trusted the people who told me that prayer should work, so I Tried Harder. It had to be my fault. I sat on the floor, weeping over my Bibles, and begged the Man in the Sky to take the fear away. Please, make me a better person. (And maybe I could have a boyfriend someday, too? I was shooting for the stars, I guess.)

It never worked. Eventually, I left Christianity behind, and thought I was none the worse for wear. I hadn't grown up Evangelical, after all. My parents followed shortly after, recognizing that the faith wasn't serving them, either.

Still, that ember of belief, the idea if I could woo god into helping, had burned deep into my subconscious. I had to be a better person. If I was righteous enough, I could protect myself from everything, climate change to cancer to capitalism. If I executed Zero waste, vegetarianism, composting, obsessing over every kind of plastic in my life. Second guessing every food, tallying my sins so I could erase them. I wanted to be beyond reproach, to sweep away my carbon footprints and to be a Good Person.

Eventually I figured out that individual action wouldn't fix the problems I saw. No amount of composting would protect me from a snowstorm. The Good Place's Chidi showed me that my worrying wasn't helping. I eased up on myself, kept what worked, and bought some bacon. (Therapy also helped. Therapy's great.)

In recent years, I felt something was missing. I figured that the spiritual people in the world had a peace and joy that I, too, should be able to achieve if I just found the right faith. That little ember of belief still glowed somewhere in the back of my mind. So, I tried again. I've been to temples in the United States and abroad. I had experiences that were beautiful, I learned amazing things and I regret none of it. And I never, ever got what I actually wanted.

I didn't realize it until last night, at 4am, but all I ever wanted was a Cure. Some belief that would make my brain stop hurting me. There had to be some reason God was ignoring me.

Finally, I can stop searching. There is no faith that works the way an SSRI does, or thyroid medication, or a SIBO test. Only medicine can make my brain calm down. Only medicine could tell me that my pain came from food intolerance and not character flaws. (Yes, I believed that excruciatingly painful diarrhea was a weakness of my character. I just needed to learn to relax, I told myself. After all, I could digest milk and wheat just fine. Oh honey, no.)

Now, I've got to come to terms with what being faithless will mean for me. I'll still dabble in witchcraft, because spicy placebo psychology helps while I'm waiting to see my doctors. I'll still read about sociology and culture.

There's a hungry habit that wants to reach for answers, to keep looking. I'm going to treat that like my other compulsions instead of indulging it. The next time I'm tempted to dive into a faith system, I'll go get my coloring books or sewing machine. I'll make my world better by living my life, instead of looking for a God who will finally take pity on me.

I hope reading this long ass post helps someone feel less alone. Fuck, I hope it helps me remember that 4am epiphany when things inevitably get hard again.

#self reflection #actually ocd #ex christian #faithless and maybe that's okay #filling in culture vacuum #gentle atheism #mental health

[captainskyson]

Fic Writer

Wanted to do ficwip's year in review questions for my own sort of journaling :-) I answered a couple of these over on Twitter/X, but wanted to track for myself all 30 questions. So, I've put my answers below a cut to keep everyone's feed a little more tidy:

1. What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out and would you do it again? Explored writing a true narcissist and not redeeming him or the relationship with the main character by the end of the fic. I would do it again - and in fact am, though this 2nd one may never be public. It was/is very cathartic though.

2. How many fics did you work on this year? (They don’t have to be finished or published!) I'm only counting what was published in 2023, because I've dabbled on probably 50 others. I added 6 or so chapters (~90.000 words) to my longfic (Guesstimation judging from emails...I should start keeping better stats of that process, maybe), of which I only include the word count because there were only 4 other fics, 1 drabble, & 1 drabble set. For me, that's a big drop as far as amount of completely separate fics, compared to past years.

3. What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer? Alongside question #2 - When I can't post as often on my longfic, I put more time into posting longer chapters. Too long. And I need to stop that. (One of my biggest chapters last year was over 25.000 words. I'm so sorry to my readers, especially those using phones.😶‍🌫️)

4. What piece of media inspired you the most? Music in general. Also notable Buffy's perpetually wandering eyes, and Giles' ruggedly handsome face and his hearteyes.

5. What fandom(s) did you write for this year? Mostly Buffy, and I've only posted Buffy (and one Ted Lasso fic), but I did feel nostalgic at times and opened up a few of my old Daisy x Mace Agents of SHIELD fics and dabbled a little bit.

6. What ship(s) captured your heart? Nothing new, but Buffy/Giles always. ❤️

7. What character(s) captured your heart? I was never a Dawn-hater, more indifferent really, but watching her scenes with a more thoughtful eye and writing her has caused her to grow on me quite a bit.

8. Did you write for a new fandom or ship this year? Yes, my fic mentioned in #1 was Rupert/Rebecca from Ted Lasso. Definitely a new type of fic for me in nearly every way, especially considering it's a "ship" I don't "ship" canonically at all.

9. What fic meant the most to you to write? Our Souls, They Blend. A hurt/comfort fic brainstormed with one of my best mates the last time I was in England, and I finally finished it satisfied for posting this year.

10. What fic made you feel the happiest to work on? Bad Idea; I've reached the point where I've diverted from canon timeline quite a bit, so it's always so satisfying when a canon quote or scene ends up weaving into my story really well.

11. What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing? The Trouble With Wanting; it was a wip for a couple of years due to just one or two scenes that wouldn't quite find themselves, and the song itself was in my "inspiration playlist" for even longer prior to that.

12. What fic was the most difficult to write? Did you finish it? Out of all my wip's I dabbled on, overall I'd pick Bad Idea. By the end of the year I started getting into my stride again, but it's been incredibly difficult working out the plot where I want it to go, and try to keep everything "logical" with as few holes as possible as I near the climax and end of the story.

13. What fic was the easiest to write? Wips: I'm surprised to say my Tabula Rasa rewrite (to be published soon 😉). I had a general idea but once I saw a specific image the fic just flowed. Published fics: my Kinktober drabble series, despite my normal struggle to keep anything short. I found myself able to knock out each drabble almost every morning before I even went into work.

14. What were your shortest and longest fics this year? Longest: additions to Bad Idea, previously mentioned. Shortest: a single drabble added into my "Laughter drabbles" series.

15. Rec a fic you wrote or posted in 2023 The only 2023 one I haven't mentioned yet, a collab with another dear friend! A fluffy, funny, first-dates exploration that ended up including a lot of real life inspiration.

16. What were you go-to writing songs? Too many to list, but some notables: The Devil You Know by Kovacs, The Trouble With Wanting by Joy Williams, Dirty Little Secret by Alex Who?, Can't Pretend by Tom Odell, and pretty much everything Dermot Kennedy does.

17. What were your go-to writing snacks? Snacks? I usually forget to eat at all.

18. What was the hardest fic to title? The collab mentioned in #15 Third Time's the Charm, which wasn't really that difficult but it was one of the few that wasn't inspired by music. 😂 I often make it too easy on myself for titling when I've got song lyrics to pick and choose from.

19. Share your favorite opening line Out of what I've posted, Bad Idea Chapter 41 (Blood Ties, All the Way): “Have you noticed that every time we talk about moving past the honeymoon phase, we end up finding ourselves in situations like this?” Buffy commented, slightly breathless.

20. Share your favorite ending line “There won’t be another test.” Giles assured her firmly. [iykyk hahaha]

21. Share your favorite piece of dialogue "Santa can bugger off and have the mince pie." [unashamedly stolen from a convo w/ my friend: thank you, dear, for that]

22. Share an excerpt from your favorite scene Classic American vs. Brit tea scene: “You don’t trust my tea-making skills!” Buffy exclaimed, even more indignant than he had been, and he gave her a look. “And what in our most recent history should make me assume otherwise?” “Don’t be snarky.” She huffed, and straightened. “I’ve been watching you make it for years. It’s not that complicated.” “Oh, God,” He mumbled in sure dismay, resting his arm across his eyes.

23. Share the final version of a sentence or paragraph you struggled with. What about it was challenging? Are you happy with how it turned out? Not so much a single paragraph as it was an idea - how to create and then solve Buffy's problems in Bad Idea's version of "Life Serial", as the Trio and their dumb curses don't exist in the fic. Luckily (and humorously, to me anyway) an ol' song came on the radio and gave me inspiration... sometimes the simplest solution works. And in this case, it was parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme.

24. What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story? Buffy's third "time test" in the Life Serial chapter being another run through the Cruciamentum. I didn't originally plan that and it sort of just happened organically. It didn't change the end outcome of the chapter, but it did provide me a little moment to do an almost AU of my AU, which was interesting.

25. What did you use to write? (e.g. writing programs, paper & pen, etc.) Paper & felt-tip pen for notetaking, Google Docs for my meatier fics, Apple Pages for the rest.

26. If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year? When I had Rebecca tell Rupert to his face: "I warned you that I was going to make you crawl."

27. Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic? Started the next one.

28. How did you recharge between fics? I read fic, or I watch something completely non-Buffy related. (As it's most often only Buffy, these days.) Spend some time walking or kayaking. Go see a show. Something creatively filling, because I long ago learned the hard way about not being able to pour from an empty cup.

29. If this were an awards show, who would you thank? Tony Head's parents. 😄 Really though, my two sisters. ("What have you been reading?!" 😉) The orchestra would play me off the stage before I finished talking about all the ways I'm grateful for them.

30. What’s something that you want to write in 2024? I never ever thought the day would come, but I've actually got a couple of different ideas involving a little bit of that silly de-aged comic plot with Giles. (Both fix-its in their own ways, of course.) I've been having a lot of fun with both of them; one for the research, and the other for... the fun. Haha. x

#skyson answers #fanfiction #writing #2023 year in review #q and a #ask skyson

[pennyserenade]

i don’t know if it’s too late or not but trick or treat!

trick or treat fanfic writer edition / original post

no it's not too late! thank you!

sometimes when i struggle to write i dabble around with loose ideas that bounce around in my mind on the day-to-day. this was a jack daniels fic i had started, based loosely off the episodes of the x-files called the field where i died and monday. the concept of the fic? Agent Jack Daniels is not a man given to romantic notions. He’s a good agent, with years of training under his belt and even more time in the field. To put it simply: he does not go insane on a whim. When one day Jack receives a bullet to the shoulder on a mission and starts dreaming vividly of what he claims are his past lives, everyone is unsure what to make of it. The only person who can understand is the brunette with the hazel eyes, presented to him in flashes—the one who buried the bullet in his shoulder, and who he is sure has shared a million existences with him. She’s trying to tell him something, has tried in every life, and he’s determined to find out what it is in this one.

here is a snippet:

Death tasted metallic. But this wasn’t death, was it? The bullet had torn a hole through the fabric of his jean jacket, entered the flesh of his shoulder and exited out the other side, clean. Gruesome as it was, and as badly as it hurt, Jack understood that he would live; he’d been shot before, and this was an injury Ginger could fix.

This wasn’t death, but Jack knew that he had died before. When the woman had pointed the revolver in his direction, he had went back. When she had shot him, he welcomed his own death, the end of his life. He didn’t know where it happened. There had been dry yellow grass, red in some places with what he assumed to be his own blood. Someone’s transatlantic tones tried to comfort him, but the sound of gun shots and screams overpowered the gentleness of the man’s compassion. He remembered boots, could smell the gun powder and fear. Death had been in the back of his throat like rising bile.

His eyes rolled beneath their lids. He heard Ginger, her feminine voice low and nervous—like maybe she thought he was dying, too. But he wasn’t. He wanted to open his eyes, to tell her to calm down, but he couldn’t. She was saying something intelligible. Her hands were on his bare chest, cool from the latex.

“He’s…Something is happening to him.” The closer she got, the easier it got to decipher her tone. “I don’t know—“ She moved, her hands leaving with her. He couldn’t make out what she said again until she came back, rested her hands over his body again. “His body is acting like it’s dying. I’ve never seen something like this before.”

#misc. #fic stuff.

[erabundus]

anonymous &&. said... what does ren do when he realizes he’s falling in love with someone of attachment is something he reacts negatively to?

to  put  it  simply?  denies,  denies,  denies.

mind,  that  isn't  to  say  ren  goes  INTO  DENIAL.  by  default,  he's  never  actually  fallen  in  love  with  anyone  —  i've  mentioned  it  before,  but  the  kabukimono  was  too  new  to  really  register  romantic  love,  and  scaramouche  was  too  wrapped  up  in  his  own  pain  and  ambition to care.  the  balladeer  did  occasionally  dabble  in  arrangements  that  were  purely  physical,  but  he  was  always  careful  to  keep  a  very  cold,  very  inflexible  degree  of  emotional  distance.

ren  is  at  a  point  in  his  life  where  he's  able  to  process  feelings  of  romantic  love  for  what  they  are,  and  his  mind  isn't  being  strangled  by  the  throes  of  his  obsessions.  so  he  is  most  definitely  capable  of  falling  in  love,  and  (  after  a  bit  of  careful  reflection  )  understanding  that  he  is  —  despite  never  having  experienced  it  for  himself  before.  however,  the  denial  aspect  rears  its  ugly  head  in  how  he  chooses  to  deal  with  it.  because  ren  is  someone  who  doesn't  necessarily  hate  attachment,  but  rather,  he  fears  it.  the  more  you  love  something,  the  more  it's  going  to  hurt  to  lose  —  and  he  has  lost  every  single  person  he's  ever  allowed  himself  to  love.  horribly.  painfully.  he  is  absolutely  terrified  of  allowing  himself  to  experience  that  agony  again,  to  such  an  extent  that  he  would  rather  subject  himself  to  eternal  SOLITUDE.  he  is  so  accustomed  to  living  in  misery  that  he  clings  to  it  as  a  source  of  comfort  —  because  it's  FAMILIAR  and  familiar  is  safe. even  if  acceptance  and  belonging  are  two  of  the  things  he  wants  the  most.  it  doesn't  help  that  the  wounds  are  still  fresh  in  his  mind  —  fresher  still,  because  he's  had  to  relive  them  now  knowing  the  truth.

so  he  tries  very,  very  hard  not  to  act  on  how  he  feels.  he  tries  to  ignore  it.  he  takes  a  "if  i  bottle  everything  up,  maybe  it  will  die  on  its  own  when  the  oxygen  runs  out"  type  of  approach.  however,  ren  is  also  his  own  worst  enemy  in  that  regard  —  because  again,  he  wants  so  very  badly  to  be  loved.  he  becomes  incredibly  contradictory;  offering  brief  scraps  of  genuine  kindness  and  affection,  only  to  just  as  quickly  turn  around  and  go  back  to  his  usual  aloof  self.  (  once  again,  proving  that  he  is  indeed  a  cat.  )  it  throws  him  into  this  endless  spiral  of  shame  and  self  loathing,  because  he  knows  he  shouldn't  be  doing  this.  he  shouldn't  keep  feeding  into  this  pesky  attachment.  he  shouldn't  even  be  a  part  of  their  life  at  all  —  and  surely,  it  would  be  much  happier  without  him  in  it.

yet  at  the  same  time,  he  can't  help  it.  no  matter  how  hard  he  tries,  he  just  gets  drawn  deeper  and  deeper  —  until  he's  either  rejected  (  something  he  will  accept  gracefully,  because  he  truly  thinks  it's  the  correct  move  )  or  his  will  to  resist  snaps  entirely  and  he  stumbles  his  way  into  a  relationship.  which  in  itself  comes  with  its  own  set  of  problems,  because  now  he  has  to  deal  with  the  knowledge  that  he  failed.  he  loves  someone.  he's  going  to  lose  them.  he's  going  to  have  to  go  through  this,  again.  and  he  can  spend  a  lifetime  trying  to  mentally  prepare  himself,  but  he  feels  everything  so  viscerally  it's  not  going  to  matter.

and  don't  think  platonic  relationships  are  also  exempt  from  this  —  because  he  absolutely  goes  through  a  similar  process  of  seeking  closeness,  self-loathing,  aloofness,  rinse  and  repeat.  attachments  scare  him,  but  he  cannot  stop  forming  them  despite  his  best  efforts  to  deny,  deny,  deny.

#anonymous #𝟎𝟎𝟒 : 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥. ◟ hc .◝ #( when he does love you he will love you with everything he has & that ultimately only makes it all the more tragic ) #( at his core he is still a very pure being. every color every feeling painted across his surface shows all the more vibrant for it. ) #( and it's so hard to even begin to unpack all of this because what can you even do? ) #( he doesn't want to hear kind words. they mean nothing. he only wants concrete solutions but there aren't any. )

[novinare]

🪢🫂👄↕️💋🫶

𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒 // @forrkeeps

ㅤㅤㅤ🪢 do they have a kink? if so, what is it?

Greg has always been adventurous in bed, so he's tried a lot of things that he enjoys-- but they all fall under 'fun things', not 'essential things'.

He's dabbled in bondage and sensory play, (and discovered why having an extra set of handcuff keys is essential!). When he lived in New York there was a BDSM club that occasionally needed models for shibari lessons... And living in the city was expensive!

He understands the concepts behind breathplay and bloodplay, but he's seen enough corpses from things gone wrong that it's taken the fun out of them.

When he was younger, he went through a phase of latex-- and it's fun, but it takes more time and preparation than he has to spare usually.

Exhibitionism and gender bending tended to go hand-in-hand, and while he looks great in a skirt? He was once caught out by a client (not his, thankfully!) and it's made him leery about indulging that side of himself anymore.

Greg is a lot more experienced than people realize, but his current all-work-and-no-play lifestyle makes it difficult to get sleep, much less fun!

ㅤㅤㅤ🫂 how do they feel about friends with benefits?

Greg has some commitment and intimacy issues, so most of his relationships have been weekend flings, or friends with benefits. Physically it's great, but lately he's found it a bit hollow.

Part of him has always wanted to get married and have kids-- but he's never found anyone that he clicked with enough to seriously think about it. It was a problem for future!Greg. And now the future is knocking at his door, and it's confusing.

So yeah, FWB is good! But maybe not what he's looking for anymore.

ㅤㅤㅤ👄 do they prefer oral or penetrative sex more?

Oral is easier.

It doesn't take as much prep or planning, and it doesn't involve nearly as much trust or intimacy, or discomfort.

Penetrative sex has a much higher risk of ruining the next day, when you're stuck on a crime scene and it hurts to walk!

In truth, he prefers penetrative, but he has a lot more experience with oral.

ㅤㅤㅤ↕️ are they a sub, dom, or switch? top, bottom, or switch?

Greg is a switch on both sides of the spectrum! He does tend to lean a bit towards sub and bottom, because he's a sensation junkie with a thing for older men-- but it's a leaning, not a rule.

ㅤㅤㅤ💋 do they like to kiss while having sex? do they cuddle afterward?

Yes and yes! There's not much else to say about that-- all the kisses, all the cuddling. It's a path to a very happy Greggo!

ㅤㅤㅤ🫶 what does after care look like for them?

It really depends on what they were up to. Regular aftercare involves cuddles, and making sure they've both had water, and are feeling good.

If it was a more intense or rough evening, then they both need more care. First would be physically make sure everything is alright-- ice, warm bath, water, food-- whatever the situation calls for.

And once they're physically safe, he can lavish attention and affection on his partner, until they're both stable and comfortable, and out of subspace.

He knows what subdrop is. Has experienced it. And has no desire to do it again... Or to be the cause of it happening to one of his partners.

#( thank you for these!!! ) #( lots of good food for thought! ) #. greg sanders #forrkeeps