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ammiemarie · 18 days

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An Ode to 72

It's hard to believe this saga has almost come to an end.

The check has been sent and received. The final payments have been made. The bills are paid up and paid off. The taxes are paid.

The space between four century-old walls that would have been my home will soon be relinquished.

I feel overwhelmed with grief for a home that was never mine. For a life that I never lived. For a relationship that never existed. For a vision of love that persisted for more than three decades.

It's been 18 months since I last looked upon your face or heard your voice. In the span of a child's lifetime, it seems like such a long time ago... but now, as a 33 year old woman, it doesn't seem so far away.

On that fateful New Years Eve, you attempted to take my life and yours. You waited for my husband and mother-in-law to leave to get us all lunch. You waited until we were alone. You were prepared. You already had the gun by your side. It took you less a few seconds to retrieve it as once laid on your bed beside you just moments before.

You looked not through me, but beyond me, in your psychotic rage. Your eyes were dark and lifeless. Soulless. You were not in there, not really. Someone else had taken over. Someone I had seen handfuls of times in the midst of punishment growing up.

In that moment, you had the case open, and your hand was on the gun, ready to pull it out when I made the split second decision to grab the case instead of talk you out of whatever you were about to do.

I latched the case closed. You overpowered me and unlatched it. We struggled for more than ten minutes like this as we slowly descended to the ground. It was the closest I had been to you since I was a young girl, entangled with your hands as I tried to release your grip on your gun.

It took every ounce of strength within me to pull you away from the gun. To keep you from being able to pull it fully out of the case.

My nails dug into the palms of my hands as I tried to keep your wrists at bay. I tore the soft tissues around my left lung and breast. I sprained the ligaments in my wrists making it impossible to use a computer or write anything for nearly three months.

In all your reported weaknesses through illness and age, you were very strong. You were stronger than me, as you always have been.

But this time... I weighed more than you.

For the first time in my life, I had the advantage because I weighed more than you did. In my mixture of grief and depression, my weight had ballooned back to a record high... a debilitating defeat I am not proud of. I watched the shape of my reflection change in the mirror as the weight of loss and hopelessness settled into my bones.

And because of my weight, I was able to push you down with my left knee, distracting you long enough to break free your grasp, and toss the gun away from both of us.

You were so hyper-focused on the gun, you didn't pay attention to anything else. It was the only thing you wanted. In your fixation, trying to pry the latch of the gun case open with your teeth, I managed to free my hand for a moment, just a moment, and throw it a few feet away from both of us.

Those moments were so terrifying. They haunted me for months afterwards. I dreamed horrible, horrible dreams drenched in death, disappointment, and fear. One small mistake could've meant you would take control, steady your aim, and fire.

And just as you brought me into this world just a mere 32 years before, you would have taken me out of it. And, almost certainly, you would have taken yourself in the aftermath, too.

I was plagued with endless days of sleeping for weeks, tirelessly unable to function at all... and then, in the polar opposite affect, I was plagued with insomnia for weeks after that.

For the inner child within me who never knew a mother's love. For the little girl who so desperately wanted that bond to exist. For the young woman who spent her twenties trying to save the life of the woman who brought her life.

For the broken girl within her who became a woman all too quickly, being thrusted into motherhood by the married 40-something man who was her father's closest friend. For the young woman who trying to raise two young girls, never healing from her own childhood traumas. For the adult woman who succumbed to the very mental illnesses she sought to escape that plagued her own mother, never fully realizing her own potential.

If there is anything I have learned from all of this... I cannot save anyone from the monster within themselves.

Now, I finally understand it.

Our journey through healing isn't meant to be shared with those who came before us... it's to help those who come after us.

I have to break the cycle for me.

For my future. For my children. For my grandchildren.

I will always love you, mother.

But for my own sake, for my dreams of who I want to be, for who I am meant to become... for the future me, for my future children...

I must let you go.

... and so, I shall.

I hope you find whatever it you are looking for in this life. I hope you find that spark of happiness that brings you joy. I hope you heal your heart from within and radiate with love and truth.

I don't know if this is goodbye forever. Maybe someday, the winds will blow in a different way, and you may find yourself missing the person you once were... the person you wanted to be. Maybe someday, you'll remember the faces of your daughters and yearn to hear their laughter and whispers of, "I love you," once more.

Forever is a long time, but maybe?... doesn't always have to be forever. So, maybe we will see each other again someday.

Heal yourself, mother. Please.

I believe in you. I believe you can.

I forgive you.

#childhood #childhood trauma #mother #bipolar #mental illness #attempted murder #child abuse #emotional abuse #motherly love #personal story #personal #true story #estrangement #estranged parents

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but-a-humble-selfshipper · 2 months

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Henry would probably be pissed off about William seeing L.L. as his "mother" the same way he was upset about himself being seen as his "father", doubly so bc L.L. would treat William as a son too.

#💟.txt #*william #*henry #i mean its not like L.L. is very motherly by no fucking means there's a reason why midori sees them as more of a big sister figure #but i mean henry aint a dad either and There You Have It #also dw about this being weird. au. not canon 👍#gotta point out tho L.L. really does consistently get involved in abusive situations but never outright stops them huh #i mean. they did grow up in such a context. same so did their cousins. so.#they know only to deescalate situations (or divert the violence) but never outright dismantles them

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ntaras · 9 months

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sonya no one understands you like i do

#the her not being motherly = her being abusive take makes me want to AGHHHHHHHHHHRHHHHHHH #talking;

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imaginaryf1shots · 1 month

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His Sister | Lewis Hamilton

WC: 4.6K

Lewis Hamilton X Verstappen!Reader

Max Verstappen X reader!Sister

Summery: You have always been there for your brother, giving up everything for him, so when you decide to date his rival, what will he do.

Warnings: age gap(age not specified) mention of abuse, Jos Verstappen is an a-hole, Max is also an ass, bad childhood, bad father, cursing, alusion to smut but no actual smut

AN: this had me in tears at some parts, I was going, why did he do this 😭 as if I didn't write it, lol

Hope you all enjoy

Masterlist

Part 2

Growing up, Verstappen wasn’t easy. Growing up with Jos Verstappen as your guardian and the one that has custody is hard. Being the oldest, Verstappen is damn near impossible. Could you have chosen to live with your mother? Yes, but that would’ve left Max alone with Jos, something you weren’t about to do. Admittedly you were young yourself, but even at a young age you knew that if Max was left with Jos alone it wouldn’t turn out good for your brother, you’ve always been motherly and have so much love in you that you just shared it with those around you and your siblings got the most of it. It made perfect sense to you as a young girl to leave your life with your mother and sister and go with your brother and father.

At one point you were the one Karting, you loved cars and karting since you were young, with both parents into motorsport it was hard not to, and even Jos couldn’t deny how good you were, but alas you’re a female and there’s no way you’d make it all the way to F1, something that Jos loves to remind you of. That’s the reason he stopped you from going once Max started winning in karting, and he wanted to focus on his child, who would achieve all his personal dreams and make it into F1. Maybe it’s your love for the sport that made it easier but you enjoyed every time you went to a track and watched the karts race, you dreaded after the races though, to Jos anything but first is a failure. On days like that, you’d follow your father and stand in his way, he’d shout at you and push you around, and you’d take it all in all in the hope that by the time he reached Max he wouldn’t be angry, or at least you’d take the blunt end of his anger. That didn’t always happen and on those days you’d just stay with your brother holding his hand, walking with him home in the cold, in the rain and in the heat of the sun, never letting him go through a punishment alone and never letting him go through your punishments.

It was all in the hope that Max would reach F1 one day, and he did, he’s in Formula 1 now, he’s been there since he was 17, he skipped so many steps and jumped into Formula 1, he went from Toro Rosso to RedBull in a record time and he was racing with legends and world champions before you had time to comprehend it. All whilst you watched him from the garage, as a family member and a part of his team, never missing a race. Driving him around when he didn’t have his driver’s licence, hugging him after each win and DNF, picking up the pieces after a scolding from Jos and tearing up when he got his first win. Always smiling and happy for him no matter what.

You’d think now that you’re all older, the talk from your father wouldn’t affect you, that you’d get used to his words, and they won’t affect you. But he’s your dad. It never gets easy.

So here you are standing at the back of the garage you’re both watching the screen, when the camera cuts to you, you smile a bit before it cuts off back to the race, with one pull you’re away from prying eyes of people in the garage. Only the few people at the back could see you.

“What?” You ask your dad with a frown. His grip on your bicep is like iron. You hold in a wince and look him in the eye.

”What was that?” He whisper shouted, you looked at him confused. “Don’t give me that stupid look. How many times have I told you, I don’t like that look.”

”I’m just confused, I don’t know what you mean.” You explain yourself and try to act normal, all while knowing it’s about to get worse, he’s in a mood, Max’s race hasn’t been going like he’d like, he’s currently in second with Checo in first, something bad in your dad’s books.

”Don’t play stupid, I know what you’re playing at.” Jos squeezes more, and you’re bound to have a bruise by tomorrow morning.

“I’m literally doing nothing.” You move trying to pull your arm out of his grip, and he lets go of you but leans down in your face.

”I saw that look you gave the camera, don’t ruin your brother’s image.” You close your eyes and bite your lip, and it takes you a few seconds before you neutralise your expression into blankness. “Don’t look like a slut, it could affect the sponsors.”

”But I wasn’t.” You mutter, but he just scoffs.

”Don’t. Play. Games. With. Me.” With each word through his fretted teeth, he poked/pushed you with his finger at your shoulder, having you move back every time.

”I’m not.” You insist. Thankfully, before he can reply, someone clears their throat, making you both look to the side to see Hemlut standing there. He doesn’t look amused.

”Keep your family affairs out of the garage, please.” Was all he said before he turned to look at the screen. It takes everything in you not to roll your eyes, giving your dad one last look you turn and go watch the race from a different spot in the garage as far away from him as you could get.

Max ended up winning the race, with Lewis second and Charles third. So all was good in the end, your brother won the race, your dad was back in his happy mode, and your day was ruined. You rushed with the crowd to congratulate Max on his win. Your brother comes to you for a hug. You kiss his cheek as you always do and pat his back.

”Congratulations Maxie.”

”Thanks.” He gives you a big smile before he’s rushed to get weighed, you look at Ferrari as they congratulate Charles, the sea of red eye catching, looking around you don’t see any Mercedes dressed personal in the vicinity. Your eyes then fell to the 7 times world champion, he’s sitting on the floor looking tired, his eyes swept over the teams looking for his own. You feel bad for him. His family must not be here today, and his team didn’t bother to show up for him.

Later that day, you found yourself pulled to a club to celebrate another Max win, you’re usually up for the celebration, but after what happened at the garage, you weren’t feeling up to it. However, you can never say no to Max when he asks you to do something all nice and loving, so that’s how you ended up here. In a random club, with a lot of Formula 1 workers from all teams and FIA, they’re all having the times of their lives as if they’re not rivals and hate each other, every other day of the week. You’ve sat down the moment you walked in and haven’t moved, drinks coming to you, but you’ve only been sipping light ones, not wanting to get drunk and deal with a headache in the morning.

An hour in, you head to the bar to order water or a soda, not in the mood to drink more. With a sigh, you lean on the bar and wait for the bartender to make his way to you, looking bored out of your life.

”You don’t look like you’re having fun.” Someone says, coming up to stand beside you, the accent familiar, but you couldn't pinpoint why before you turn and your eyes fall on a pair of brown eyes.

”Not really.” You say and shrug, turning so you’re both facing each other. “I mean you’re the first person to come up to talk to me in the last hour or something.”

”I don’t believe that, a beautiful woman like you.” Lewis gives you a small smile, and you chuckle, playfully rolling your eyes.

“I know, right, and here I dressed up, only for it not to work.” You say a tone of amusement lanced into your words, liking this banter going back and forth.

”I wouldn’t say it’s not working.” Lewis says and looks you up and down, you blush under his gaze but the smile doesn’t drop from your lips, the bartender comes up to you right then and asks you for your order, you ask for a glass of water and a soda, before he turns to Lewis who doesn’t ask for a drink. “You’re not drinking?”

”I had a couple of drinks, but I don’t feel like getting drunk.” You tell him, and he hums, you lean closer as if you’re going to say a secret. “Between you and me, I didn’t want to be here anyways.”

”Me neither, why are you here?” Lewis asks, you look around the club, and your eyes fall onto your brother having the time of his life with his friends.

”Because my brother wanted me to come.” You say not looking away from Max, who was smiling and enjoying himself, it brings a smile to your face seeing him carefree. Your favourite type of Max.

”You’re Max’s sister.” At Lewis’ words, you realise he didn’t know who you were, your head snaps to look at him and give him the smallest of smiles, a defeated look hiding behind your eyes. As if you’re expecting the worst.

”Yeah, is that a problem?” You ask him already knowing what he’ll say. Your brother is his biggest rival. There’s history between them, and it’s not all rainbows and sunshine. Just because they have respect for each other doesn’t mean they love the other.

”No, you’re not Max.” This did surprise you, and it showed on your face, Lewis winked, and you shook your head. “Do you want to head out of here?”

”Sure.” With that, you and Lewis turn and head out. Everyone’s too drunk or too occupied to see your retreating figures.

Let’s just say that you enjoyed your night, Lewis isn’t just good at racing. He did convince you to stay the night after everything was said and done, with his eyes half lidded and you both breathing hard it was the easiest yes you’ve ever said.

You woke up alone with the shower going in the background, feeling lazy. You sat up in bed and looked out the window. The view from his room was beautiful. You’re so lost in thought you don’t realise when the water stopped running or when Lewis came in the room. He stood there looking at you, your back bare for him to see, your hair messy, the sun coming from the windows making you glow. Lewis, dressed in only his boxers, moves to the bed and slots himself behind you, his bare chest meeting your back as his arms sneak around your waist, pulling you back. You lean into his chest and take a deep breath, content with the moment. Lewis’ lips find their home where your neck meets your shoulder, placing soft feather-like kisses up and down the exposed skin, you move your head to the side giving him more room to do as he wants.

”Lewis.” You moan suddenly breathless, Lewis moves his hands up your arms lightly before you wince in pain, making him stop all movements and pull away from you. You freeze and close your eyes instantly, knowing why you were in pain.

”What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” Lewis asks, feeling guilt for causing you pain. You shake your head no and sigh, still not looking at him.

”No, no, it’s not you.” Lewis looks at where his hands were and he sees the bruise on your bicep, his mind goes to last night and he thinks over his actions, did he hold your bicep, maybe squeezed a bit too hard. It definitely looks like hand marks. You stand up still naked and snatch Lewis’s shirt from the night before from the floor where you threw it and slip it on. The oversized shirt falls mid thigh, and the short sleeves come down to your elbows covering your bruise.

”Who the fuck did this to you?” Lewis follows you off the bed, you turn to look at him crossing your arms protectively, suddenly feeling self conscious, you refuse to meet his eyes and clear your throat but no words came out of your mouth. “y/n, just tell me what happened?”

”It’s nothing. He didn’t mean to.” You mutter and shake your head, your hair falling into your face.

“Who? Who did it?” Lewis pleaded with you and you closed your eyes and bit your lip to stop the tears, it wasn’t a secret how rough your father is especially in the RedBull garage but no one outside a few observant people(which don’t include Max) know how rough he is with you.

”My dad, but he was just angry. He’s not like that, not anymore.” You mumble the last part, but Lewis heard it loud and clear, and just like yesterday, he surprises you. Lewis pulls you in for a hug, his tattooed arms just pulling you close, and he holds you. He just holds you.

”Bloody hell, love, I’m sorry.” Lewis says in your hair, and you raise your head to look at him, but still staying in his hold.

”You have absolutely no reason to be sorry.” You tell him and your hands move up to his face, lightly touching his cheek, your eyes taking him in. “I don’t really care.”

“It still doesn’t make it right. You shouldn’t go through something like this.” Lewis says, and you shrug.

”Life isn’t really fair.” He felt that there’s more behind those words. You didn’t just mean what happened the day before. There’s more pain in your voice, in your past, and to him, it looked like no one took the time to talk to you about them to help you through those pains. Lewis finds himself wondering why, he’s known you for less than 24 hours and all he wants to do is get to know you, uncover all your secrets, help you where you need help, support you where you need support.

”Well, if you let me, I think I can make it a little more fair.” Lewis says, deciding that this isn’t the last time he’ll spend time with you. He pulls back and goes to his bedside table where his phone rests.

”What are you talking about?” You ask him confused.

”Give me your number, I’m taking you out next time we’re both free.” Lewis says and hands you his phone. You slowly take it and look up at him with wide eyes.

”You want to go out with me? like on a date?” You wanted to make sure you understood him correctly.

”I do.”

“Even though you know I come with baggage.” You want to make sure he understands it won’t be easy.

”I don’t think it’s baggage, but even if it was, I don’t care.” Lewis gives you one of his smiles that make you weak in your knees, and you don’t think twice and type in your number. Lewis instantly calls you, and your phone rings before he ends the call. “Now you also have my number, and if you ever need something, or someone or a place to just call me.”

”Thank you.”

”I haven’t done anything yet, love.”

”Oh you’ve already done a lot.” Most people would act as if nothing happened and they saw nothing, most wouldn’t want to go out with you knowing there’s a lot in your past that needs solving, most wouldn’t go out with their rival’s sister, but most aren’t Lewis Hamilton, and you’re glad he’s not like the most.

You and Lewis start texting, getting to know each other. You see a side to the Mercedes driver you’ve never seen before. He’s so easy to talk to. You feel like whatever you tell him is a secret he’ll take to the grave. In the couple weeks since you’ve started talking you’ve been more open with him than anyone else, not just about your past and growing up with Jos but about your feelings. He never judges and gives the best advice. He’s been supportive and understanding to a point you’ve asked yourself how he is real.

You asked him to keep your budding friendship (turing relationship) a secret and he agreed 100% with you, it’ll cause a lot of trouble when and if it comes out, and you’re not ready for that. And for the first time in forever you don’t spend your free time between races where Max is, you fly to wherever Lewis is, and so for a month you both find that time to get to know the other in a way that you’ve never done before, and you find yourself being Lewis’s girlfriend and it makes you the happiest thinking about it. He’s made you happier, and those closest to you have noticed you’re more smiley and happy those days.

Sneaking around like children, not two adults was part of the fun, but it also made it harder for you.

”What are you smiling at?” Kelly asks, leaning closer to you. You close your phone in an instant to the amusement of your brother’s girlfriend. Max was in a meeting or doing something for media, so you and Kelly were having lunch in the paddock.

“Nothing.” You say, and your face flushes red, making her laugh.

”Come on, I can tell you’re texting someone.” Kelly laughs and nudges you. You roll your eyes and take a sip from your drink. “Who is he?”

”Nonone.”

”So there’s someone.” Kelly raises her eyebrows, and you sigh and nod your head. Yes, Kelly squeals and looks like she’s ready for a gossip session.

“Kelly, you’re not getting more out of me.” You tell the female, and she pouts.

”Why? Even Max is wondering who you’re texting all the time.” Kelly is confused, and rightfully so, you’re very open with her and Max. Not the type to keep something like this a secret. Or so they thought, but how can they be 100% sure when you haven’t been with anyone for years or even shown interest in anyone.

”That’s why I can’t tell you.”

”What? you can trust me, I won’t tell him if you don't want to.” Kelly felt offended that you didn’t trust her to keep a secret. She’s close to you. Anyone close to Max is close to you. His friends are your friends.

”I wouldn't do that to you, if he found out you knew and didn’t tell him he’ll get mad.” You explain to her, wanting her to understand where you’re coming from.

”No he wouldn't.” Kelly replies, and you give her a look making her sigh, Max is protective, and no one is good enough for you in his eyes. “Okay maybe he will be, but who could you be dating for you to be so sure he’ll get mad, anyways.”

“I love you, Kells, but I can’t tell you.” You both sat in silence for a bit, Kelly was thinking of any possible men you might’ve come across the last month, she started crossing some out of the list she made in her mind that you wouldn’t like, before her eyes went wide.

”It’s a driver!” She shouts, and a few eyes snapped to look at you both. You choke on your drink and cough a few times. “Sorry.”

”What the fuck Kelly, you want to tell the whole world?” You whisper shout and she looks apologetically muttering sorry.

”It’s a driver then.” She whispered and you reluctantly nod, who knew this lunch would cause you so much. “I’m not going to push you for more… yet.”

”Well thank god for that.” You mutter, but know that she’ll look and analyse every single interaction you have with any driver. Kelly went over the 19 drivers, crossing out those in a relationship. Nico, Kevin, Valtteri, Daniel, Checo, Carlos, Pierre, Alex, Esteban, Charles, Oscar, and George are all in a relationship. That narrows it down, but it’s still a bit, but a few are still single. Fernando, Lewis, Lance, Zhou, Lando, Yuki and Logan that left her with 7 drivers that are single, and you’re at the age that dating someone older would raise a few eyebrows and so would dating some of the younger drivers, but it wouldn’t be totally out of the box. Lance is the one closest to you in age, but she doesn’t think he’s your type.

After the Austin Grand Prix, Lewis makes it to your room, and a few teams booked their rooms at the same hotel, something that you’ve come to appreciate. Your room isn’t as big as Lewis’s but it just happened that he made it to your room, the brit, and you decided to chill and have a lazy night. The TV was on, but you both weren’t focused on it, each having a glass of Almave in hand, the non alcoholic drink your new favourite and it looked like you’d never run out of it.

You just finished telling Lewis about something that happened when you were younger and still karting, telling him about all the drama that happened then and how silly it is. His arm was on the back of the sofa beides your head, your legs over his lap, and his other hand was on your thigh rubbing softly at the skin visible from your bunched up shorts.

”Why did you stop karting?” Lewis asked, your smile from laughing wasn’t all gone yet, but it did falter a bit. You suck in your lips and run your tongue over them.

”My dad said that there’s no place for women in motorsport and that Max will carry the family name in Formula 1.” You shrug, your head dropping a little. The hand besides your head moves to your face making you raise your head and look at him, Lewis felt bad for you but he tried not to be obvious about it, he knew you wouldn't want him to.

“I know for a fact then if you continued, you’d be kicking all out asses on track.” Lewis said softly, and you gave him a tight-lipped smile.

”You haven’t even seen me karting.” You tell him softly and find that your breath hits his face from how close you’ve gotten.

”Next time we meet up, we’ll do that.” Lewis said and gave your thigh a squeeze. You hum and lean closer, your lips meeting his. His lips were warm and soft, his hand moving from your cheek to the back of your head. And as always, his lips made a spark ignite inside you and left you warm and fuzzy. Soft sighs left your lips as your lips moved, Lewis’s hand moved up your thigh and over your butt, tugging you so you’d move with him until you’re standing him. You pull back just a little, your breath mingling with his, his eyes looking at you and making you fall in love with him.

”Lewis.” Just the way you said his name left him breathless and needy, he pulled you down for your lips to meet again.

You’re both disturbed when Lewis’s phone rings, you move from on top of him and he reaches over to get his phone, seeing the caller ID he gives you an apologetic look and answers the phone. You sigh sadly, feeling a bit irritated to be interrupted, but Lewis is a busy man, and she understands this.

“I’m sorry, love, but I have to go.” Lewis leans over to kiss your head before hastily gathering his things. “It’s an emergency meeting, I’ll text you when I’m done and come back.”

”Okay, I’ll wait for you.” You say and lay back on the sofa taking out your phone to scroll through the TV is still going. Around half an hour later, your door is opened, making you raise your head and frown when you see Max walking in.

”How did you get in?”

”I have a card.” Max shows you the door card that had your room number on it.

”Why?” You ask him confused. He also relieved that he hadn’t come in when Lewis was still here.

”You’ve been losing yours a lot lately, so I thought to just ask for one.” Max shrugged as if it’s normal, he sat down in the chair by your legs so you could look at him, you rolled your eyes at his words, not needing to ask how the front desk gave it to him. You haven’t been losing your cards. You’ve been asking for an extra one to give to Lewis.

“What’s that?” Max asks, and you don’t bother looking up from your phone.

”What’s what?”

“That.” You sigh and sit up, looking to where your brother is pointing, your heart drops. Lewis forgot his watch, and it’s laying there on the side table that had a lamp on it, and it’s so very obvious not yours. The IWC Big Pilot’s Watch Perpetual Calendar ‘Lewis Hamilton’ Edition IW503002 is a beauty, but no way can it be yours. You curse Lewis in your mind for taking it off when he first came in. You open your mouth and close it a couple of times, trying to find words to say but coming up empty. “I’ve seen this before.”

”I don’t think so.” You say nervously, chuckling. Max frowns in thought as he tries to remember where he had seen the watch before.

”No I’ve seen it, I remember the red.” Max mumbles, and the moment he remembers you can tell, his face says it all. “L-Lewis? That’s who you’ve been seeing behind my back.”

”Max-“

”No you had your chance to tell me, but you didn’t.” Max stands up, and you follow suit. His voice is angry and irritated, a bit of betrayal in there as well. “How could you date Lewis and not tell me how could you even date him, I can’t believe you’d do something like this!”

”I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d get angry, and I didn’t want you to be angry.” You try to explain to him your reason, but he’s having none of that.

”Because I’m calm now.” Max says sarcastically.

”Max, this is why I didn’t tell you.” Your hands move in frustration, one of your legs shake in anxiety, and you whisper. “I knew you wouldn’t understand.”

”What is there to understand? You’re sleeping with my rival.” Max shouts, it breaks you. Max may have this image as the villain in public but he’s not like that with you, he’s always been nice and loving, you’re the best thing about his childhood, the warm hug he had, the person he relayed on, the person that could always make him smile. Seeing the look in his eyes makes tears gather in yours. “y/n, I can’t believe you. After everything you’re just, what? Selling yourself to Lewis-“

”Max.”

”-Do you have any idea-“

”Max.”

”-how this can affect my image-“

”Max, please.”

”-I thought I could count on you not to do something like this-“

”I didn’t.”

”-Dad was right.”

”Wh-what?” This just breaks you in two, completely shatters you.

”He said that you’re an attention who-“

”Okay enough.” You say and raise your hands in the air to stop him, tears leaving your eyes freely. “Please leave, I can’t hear you anymore, I can’t.”

Max fights the need to say sorry and hug you. He’s too in his emotions, and he’s too stubborn and hardheaded to say anything.

”Just leave, please.” Max turns and leaves your room. The quality time he wanted to spend with you is ruined. The moment the door closes, he feels like his relationship with you is forever changed. It cracked, and he curses himself for being so careless with his words.

Part 2

#lewis x reader #f1 imagine #f1 fanfic #f1 x reader #f1 scenario #max verstappen one shot #max verstappen #max verstappen imagine #lewis hamilton one shot #lewis hamilton fanfic #lewis hamilton imagine #lewis hamilton #team lh44 #lh44 #lh #f1 fic #f1 #max verstappen x reader

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astro-enthusiast · 5 months

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moon signs and what you learned from your mother (raw & uncut)

I’m not a professional astrologer, just an enthusiast. These are possible manifestations of attributes your mother taught you based on your moon sign.

WARNING: this is clear cut, no BS, straight to the point. There’s pros and cons for every moon sign. There’s no way around it.

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES PLAGIARIZE MY WORK.

Aries Moon: your mother taught you how to fight, how to be resilient, how to depend on yourself and no one else. Your mother probably led with masculine energy. There’s an added layer of aggression in your relationship. She taught you how to be “tough.” You were likely raised by one parent for some reason (I’ve seen this be caused by the death of a parent at a young age or a parent who chooses not to be around due to strained rxship).

Taurus Moon: your mother taught you how to chill. Hard. You probably wanted for nothing. Money, security, stability- you had it all. You know how to eat, sleep, wake up, and do it all again. Maybe your home was uneventful growing up. You know how to make money and spend it just as well. Your mother likely didn’t do much that’s worth noting. She taught you how to work and chill out. This is a very narrow manifestation of this sign.

Gemini Moon: your mother taught you how to blend in to any crowd. You two probably gossiped together. Your mother may have provided the ultimate “How to Be Well Perceived” guide for you. How to hold a conversation with anyone. How to intellectualize emotions rather than actually feeling them. You can think or talk your way out of any situation, which may be a double edged sword as this can and will get you into trouble.

Cancer Moon: your mother taught you how to play the victim. How to become overly sensitized to other people’s emotions and the slightest change in their energies. How to be in touch with your own inner world; how to manipulate or be manipulated. You likely played a motherly role in life, but this is affected by house placements and aspects. Ex. A cancer moon in the 10th house may show their more nurturing side in public, but not so much at home.

Leo Moon: your mother taught you how to be flamboyant; how to prioritize yourself and your own emotions over others; how to lighten up the mood- likely to avoid dealing with heavier subjects. How to be the ✨golden child✨. But also, you as the child might have to step aside so your mom can have the true spotlight. At the end of the day, she comes first in her mind.

Virgo Moon: your mother taught you how to be “helpful,” likely to your own detriment. How to shut your mouth and sacrifice yourself and your well being for your family. How to be an adult from a very young age; you probably didn’t have a childhood. I’ve seen wayyy too many people with this placement parenting their own parents and other peoples kids while they themselves are literal children. Did you raise your mother or did your mother raise you? Your mother likely has no concept of your personal boundaries. If you place any, she’s surprised by the utter audacity. Also (trigger warning: violence) many Virgo moons mother’s are physically abusive. Does your mom randomly slap you when she’s mad? Just know you’re more than a maid or a punching bag. You are a person. I could write a whole book on this placement just based on the pure chaos of it. I’m so sorry. I love you.

Libra Moon: your mother taught you how to keep up with your appearances; that looks and what people think is far more important than any feeling you may experience. She taught you how to be well-liked and how to create a fake personality to keep others comfortable. If you’re feeling sad, you probably just need a new outfit or lipgloss to add an attempted cover to the crap that’s lurking in your subconscious mind.

Scorpio Moon: God help us all. Your mother taught you how to be afraid. Literally. Your baseline is likely fear which is learned directly from the mother. Your mother taught you how to manipulate as you see fit, which of course includes manipulating her as well. This likely goes both ways. You were taught to be emotionally in tune with your mother, with no boundaries or consideration for how you as an individual feel. Trust issues beyond comprehension. But you can’t help it, it’s literally in your blood. Also, love is not possession and control. You need to let that belief go, babe.

Sagittarius Moon: your mother taught you how to ignore anything that isn’t sunshine and rainbows, shut up, and keep it to pushing. Emotions were not a thing in your home. You’d be crazy to feel anything but joy. If you do, you’re considered ungrateful. Your mother was likely distant for some reason. Even if physically present, there was no emotional connection. But hey, at least she taught you new languages and exposed you to different cultures, right?

Capricorn Moon: (signs, “Santa Maria”). No, I am not here as another random person on Tumblr who thinks they know Capricorn moons. I’m here as someone who actually knows Capricorn moons. Your mother taught you how to put on a brave face, work until you can taste your own blood, and don’t stop for even a moment to think of what’s lurking under the surface. If you work really hard, you won’t even have a chance to notice all the baggage you’re carrying around! Anddd you’ll have piles of money to dry any tears that threaten to escape. You probably cry in your closet for complete and total privacy. Or not, maybe that’s just me. You’re taught to be the backbone of the family. Everything would probably collapse without you. But hey, no pressure, right?

Aquarius Moon: your mother taught you how to detach from any and all emotions. Do you even feel what you’re feeling? Or are your emotions solely for research purposes? Asking for a friend. You likely live away from your mother. She may even be on a completely different continent. Your mother is likely your friend at best, and a complete stranger at worst. Your friends are your family. You likely felt the need to escape your family from a young age. Maybe you were even embarrassed of how “weird” your family was. But alas, we can always make our own families out of friends. 💜

Pisces Moon: your mother taught you how to be the victim. Honestly, this might go for all water moons. Just apply that to this whole element. Your relationship with your mother may have been an emotional rollercoaster. Do you ever get off to take breaks? Perhaps your mother took on a more Neptunian approach to your relationship and she’s so emotionally distant you couldn’t catch her if you tried. How’s your sleep schedule? Maybe you sleep to avoid the feelings that are just too hard to deal with. Subliminal meditations are your friend.

I had a blast writing this. Let me know what you think!

RIGHTS RESERVED TO MY BLOG astro-enthusiast . DO NOT COPY, REWRITE, OR PLAGIARIZE MY WORK. DO NOT REPOST MY WORK WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.

#astrology #moon signs #astroblr #astro observations #astro notes #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces

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ghostiicarus · 2 years

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i think when you are raised with a mother’s anger, that anger stays inside you forever.

my mother’s anger is buried inside of my stomach, planted like seeds, a flower blooming, petals curled in the gaps between my ribs

she reaches her hand in and grabs a handful of the petals, staining her hands with my viscera.

she feeds me the petals, they taste like blood and sugar and venom.

they taste like the smoke of her favorite cigarettes, yellowing my teeth

they taste like every word ive swallowed to make sure i would have a place to sleep tomorrow

she shoves them into my mouth, long painted nails scratching the back of my throat

my cries are muffled between the flowers and her hands, my voice is nearly gone from the pain in my throat, but i manage to squeak out a question, or maybe it’s a plea

“why mother?”

i sob, trying to stop my teeth from sinking into her flesh, trying not to bite the hand that feeds me

she smiles, jagged yellowed rows of teeth between her soft lips

“because i love you my dear”

#ghost stories #my writing #poetry #child abuse tw #motherly abuse tw #gore tw #ask 2 tag #this is uh. yeah. anyway enjoy

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kooeater · 7 months

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creamy pie (m) | JJK

Jungkook x reader

smut | fluff

warnings: huge mentions of creampies (duh), unprotected sex, degration, age gap (jk is 35, reader is 21), dilf!jk, older!jk, doggy style, missionary, slight slapping, boob lover jk!, dirty talk, slight daddy kink, just sex.

Hm what were you up to? Oh, nothing much, just the usual. Begging for your 35-year-old boyfriend to fuck you right when he got home from work. Being a university student on break was exhausting, just homework and the urge to get cream-pied every second of the day. Luckily for you, you have just what you need to enjoy your break.

"Fuck me already please, been waiting for you all day." you whine out like a horny slut (you were one of course) for your boyfriend, wanting nothing but his cock inside your guts. "Need your dilf dick in me." your words went straight to his cock.

"So needy for me hm? Good little whore, always so ready to take my cock. Anything for you pretty baby" Jungkook quickly slaps your cunt with his heavy tip, testing the waters that were extremely wet of course.

"condom?" it came out as a tease. He knew damn well you were a full raw girly when it came to his cock, he didn't even had a condom on him he just wanted to tease you. He knows the rules already

No cream-pie? No sex!

"Put it in more or else I-" you were cut off by the feeling of your cunt being stretched and filled by some good ole dilf dick. The familiar feeling making your thighs slightly shake and little whimpers come out of your mouth. "s' fuckin tight!" his moans were enough to get you halfway to your orgasm.

It wasn't long until Jungkook started to fuck into you, your big boobs jumping up and down making him want to start sucking on them like a baby. He loves your boobs so much. Yes, he loves ass too, he loves all of you. however, your boobs were just so soft and squishy. big and plumped, he just wants to sleep on them for all eternity. Something about how they complement your body is just so motherly. He just loves your boobs.

Your back was arching on the mattress, your legs hooked on both of his shoulders as he rams in and out of you in an unforgiving speed.

His tip kept abusing your g-spot making you see stars, you weren't one to cum so easily but thinking about him fucking you all day while he was at work and now finally having him in you, you were about to cream on his cock. "Don't fuckin do that fuck, don't clench I'll cum." he groans out loud as he feels your gummy like walls clench around him.

He was used to you clenching around him, but not so early during sex. Either way is fine to him, he just doesn't want to be a loser a cum before you, nah. He has to give his baby her cream-pie!

"Fuck turn around."

Jungkook pulled out and you went on all fours, your ass in the air, cunt out ready to be filled back up again. His large hand goes to slap your ass cheek as you were wigging your hips, eager to have him back inside you. His member quickly gets shoved back inside you making you let out little whines again, his hips snapping forward, creating a smacking sound against your ass.

"Take this dick deep in your guts baby, I know you like it. So dirty and nasty, you like dick from older men, don't you? Such a filthy slut."

his words went straight to your clit, making the little nub twitch. Your hand tried to sneak in between your legs to take care of the clit problem but your hand was quickly smacked away.

"Let daddy do the touching baby. You just stay here and let me fuck you."

"Yes daddy, only you c-can touch me." you were submitting to his every word like the good girl you were.

His hands grip onto your hips real nice; he's now pounding into you like he's never done before. One thing about older men, they know how to fuck. You love it. Just as his pace gets a bit sloppy, his dick starts to twitch, you know he's close.

"Cum in me, f-fill this pussy up with your cum please! It's all for you, please need it inside me!" you were a fucking mess, looking over your shoulder, seeing his eyes closed and his face slightly scrunching. Fucking hell, he was so hot. His abs, his tattoos, his dick, everything you were seeing plus the way he was fucking you was enough to make you cum right there and then.

"Take my cum baby, fuck take it deep inside your cunt yeah that's it." his head falls back, your legs slightly shaking and your vocal cords going insane by the way you're moaning as you feel his warm white goo paint your walls white, you swear you can even feel a bit entering your womb.

He slips out slowly, making sure that him cum isn't dripping out of you much. He lets out a low moan as he sees your pretty cunt, a bit of cum dripping out but not as much. He spreads your chubby cute pussy lips and sees your hole filled with his cream.

"Fuck, look baby." he whispers to your fuck out state. He points at the mirror that was facing the direction of the back of you. You look over your shoulder and gasp in awe at the sight.

"Love when you cream inside me. Gave me the perfect cream-pie!" you giggle, locking your lips with his. You know you two were just going to end up fucking again but for now, a nice nap with arms wrapped around you and his cum still inside you, don't sound like a bad idea.

hiiii guys!! so this wasn't even planned but I posted this little kind of like smut short thingy idek what to call it but it was this and I got like 5 anon asks telling me to turn it into a fic, so i did but it's mostly just smut hehe. Anyway, hope you guys enjoy this!! Like and follow if you feel like it yk make me famous, help ya girl out my dorm rent is due. ⋆⭒˚｡ ⋆⭒˚｡⋆ ⭒˚｡⋆

- belle 🥧

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cerasum-chrysanthes · 2 years

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My dad: *wishes me happy birthday via whatsapp*

Me: yay thank you :)

My mother: *wishes me happy birthday via sms because i blocked her in whatsapp and i forgot to block her number again on my new phone* *says she loves me "despite everything"*

Me:

#WA is the only form of communication i can stomach #even with my dad #he never hurt me but he also never was rly there for me #i still think it wasnt his fault but i also just dont have much of a connection to him #also he accepts me for who i am and that is worth a lot to me #as opposed to my mother who has not accepted me when i tried to come out to her #and has done other abusive shit to me... like fuck you bitch lol #'i will kill you if you dont-'#'you should kill yourself'#ah yes true motherly love... death treats and telling your kid to commit suicide #:)

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yuyinesque · 1 month

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WOMANEATER | “𝗒-𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖻𝖾𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗁𝗈𝗉𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗌𝖾 𝗁-𝗁𝖺𝗇𝖽𝗌 𝗁𝗈𝗅𝖽 𝗆𝖾𝗋𝖼𝗒…”

⚘ précis. ≡ you're a therapist in a psyche ward, and your new patient isn't one you're particularly experienced with.

⚘ disclaimers. ≡ yandere!incel & psyche ward!therapist y/n, afab!reader (no fem-aligned prns used), physical violence, compulsive masturbation, hypersexuality, misogyny & women-blaming, usage of “bitch”, mentions of post-traumatic stress disorder (ptsd); obsessive behavior; delusion (secondary erotomania); age regressing; & urine, manipulation (guilt-tripping & gaslighting), mentions of suicide & self harm, implied rape fantasies & perversion.

⚘ category. ≡ nsft headcanons.

⚘ wc. ≡ 781.

𖦥 m.list. oc.list

🧷 yandere!incel who is a scrub-wearing individual who wears stoic expressions like they’re permanent masks, though at times the said mask tends to falter vastly when he’s around any woman; even fem-presenting figures drives him an inch deeper towards insanity. he’s picked numerous fights with women and only women, even when they’ve done nothing but walked past him. the fights were always prompted by truculence and defense, as for he would disclose evident signs that he was terrified of said woman, completely convinced that they were after him in some sort of ill manner, so he strikes before they even get the chance to blink. because of this, he’s been isolated away from female figures, and only male characters were capable of catering to him, as he was indifferent towards them. well, every male but you, a female.

🧷 yandere!incel who is quite the handful for inexperienced, psyche ward!therapist darling, as for they haven’t dealt with a patient with such a high caliber of disorders; their worst case so far was a suicidal woman who was diagnosed with type one bipolar. one session with the individual was enough to question your overall abilities. i mean, he despised you. at least that’s what you believed.

🧷 yandere!incel who is tired of you cheating on him with other patients! this is why he’s so angry towards you specifically, but he won’t say. however, he’s also completely infatuated with you; have i also mentioned completely horrified with you? you’ve noticed each time you would change your tone slightly, he would convert into a fretful mouse, apologizing incessantly as tears glossed his dark, beady eyes, also slipping up by referring to you as “mother” in a small, infantile voice. you concluded it was because you reminded him of such, and she was primarily the reason why he feared and hated women so much. motherly abuse.

🧷 yandere!incel who would have his calmer days since he was genuinely interested in his spouse. he’s never had a woman so madly in love with him, so it not only fed his ego, but causes his dick to swell with cum each time you evinced signs that confirmed you were oso desperate for his attention. with the way you sit up when you walk in, reassure him that everything will be fine, or even going out of your way to smile in such a lecherous manner. it angered him, especially when he begins groping his hardened crotch in front of you and complaining about you and your whorish antics. you would ignore him in response or threaten to cut the meeting short, which prompts a loud, slur-screaming, victim-blaming outburst in response.

🧷 “you’re such a bitch, you hear me?! a bitch! and a bitch li-like you shouldn’t even be alive! luring me, t-teasing me—all women are just a bunch of fffffucking sluts!!”

🧷 yandere!incel who also showed signs of hypersexuality and exhibitionism. he was a chronic masturbator, pleasuring himself to the most horrific things with your face in mind. just the thought of keeping you in your place by forcing you to perform taboo acts on the receptionist desk as everyone watched rotted his mind.

🧷 yandere!incel who would try to convince you that he doesn’t hate you only to voice his hatred towards you the next week. then he’d not only do that, but then claim that he’s never done such with tears in his eyes, finding your scoldings utterly unnecessary and so mean. there was even a time where you lost your patience and raised your voice at him, immediately causing him to not only an apologetic rant, but to begin pissing himself in the chair he was trembling and sobbing on, the strong scent of ammonia filling the room during the process.

🧷 yandere!incel who needed your touch or he’ll perform said disgraceful acts. there was a day where he pleaded for just a hug from you if he was good the whole week. once you confirmed it, he did just that. no fights, no arguments, nothing. he even apologized for freezing up and screaming at the poor, feminine soul that walked near him. you knew it was against the rules to be this affectionate towards patients, but you couldn’t break a promise. and so, you did—hugged him. awkwardly, even. he was rather short, so his face was buried within your chest, and the boner pressed against your thigh only made you feel nauseous, but not as nauseous as his next, ominous set of words.

🧷 “y-you better hope these h-hands hold mercy on your.. body once i luh-latch them onto you…”

yuyinesque | translate with permission & peruse without theft

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