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ire-as-iris · 9 months

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What does your future self wants to say to you? [Divination Reading no. 2]

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🚩 Remember to take what only resonates to you.

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Pile 01

Hey! I hope you're okay. You know, I miss you very much. If only I could back to that day or that version of myself, I would do better but it's too late but not that much. It's like, umm... to boost myself better kind of thought I really miss our moments together, messing with each other and crying like we're in some sort of a movie. This time it's different, it's like I've been consumed to responsibilities and nothing excites me that much. I wanna go back but I can't still, I'm glad I am at a better place financially speaking, spiritually, I don't know I'm not sure but moving this heavy message aside. I hope you're having fun right now make sure that the path you chose is different. I gotta go now, I have a lot of work to do see you again, sometime ❤

🔴 In summary, this one page of my notebook is not enough to say everything she wants to say, If I let her continue I'm afraid it will a whole chapter of a novel lol

🔴 A farm or barn may be significant

🔴 The part where she said different, screams something to me... don't be someone you're not because others their best for you, know when to take it and leave it (e.g in college course)

🔴 I imagined a girl with a long hair, oversized shirt in the rain, laughing her pain to let it go

🔴 She's talkative, my hand hurts writing this hahaha

🔴 You're an extrovert who may be mistaken as an introvert (Oops, I mean you're an introvert and people see you as an extrovert when you're alone, look how I write it wrong here too🤣)

🔴 Majority here seems to be teenagers like me xD

Pile 02

(Trigger warning: mention of sui!c1d3)

Live your life, I'm grateful that I did not t@ke my life (do you have su1cid@l thoughts pile 2?). Bro it's so peaceful to be here, I thought taking my you know will end it but I was wrong, something came to me that stopped me, it was an angel. She was warm and nice (tall too around 5'8, white pale skin color). I think I can't imagine myself to be here if not for her. Now I'm working a normal job with a normal life, enough for me to decide what I want. Ya get what I'm saying? I wasn't planning to have kids, but look! I have one (three or two for some of you). Life's so short and times so fast so keep doing you lad 😉

Peace out! Oh before that, I just want to tell you to don't force anything okay? It'll come, THAT thing so yeah, let's talk again some time 😉

🔴 I feel like majority that picked this pile are dudes (straight but, again take it how it resonates if you're a member of LGBTQ)

🔴 Chill people

🔴 THAT thing may mean a number of things, depending on you it can be your dream, or really THAT sezzz, etc.

🔴 The angel maybe a literal angel, someone you know (e.g friends, family, etc.) or you're future spouse

🔴 I imagined someone with a curly hair light brown and has beared, he's thin but tall, white skin as well

🔴 He's wearing a jacket, white tee, and long pants (pale dark blue)

🔴 You're maybe in you're twenties or turning 30

🔴 Moon in Gemini at 4th House

🔴 For some of you, I'm feeling that your future spouse (especially if they're a girl) have the vibes of the tracks below.

Pile 03

I can't believe I'm already here, I'm so successful! I've got the benz and my Renz (man, dream guy/the one, whatever you call it). You've got the boss energy, trust me the people who helped you. I feel like the richest on the earth hhahah

Keep on going mama, the universe got us! Loyalty! Love yourself and other people and it will get back to you. It may not be exactly as the way you want it but, I promise you and I'm sure it going to be better, the best. You'll get it poppin! Ya know what I'm sayin?😘

🔴 Don't be consumed by fame, be yourself positively.

🔴 Some people here have the "Who you?" tendency in a negative way, please don't be like that. (Who you means treating the people you know as strangers because you have the bag and everything you dreamed of)

🔴 Remember being a bish to others will give you shi* to yourself, and your loved ones, your child may be the one who'll suffer if you don't change it

🔴 Funny people are reading this pile

🔴 Harry styles, love and disco songs maybe you're favorite/topic of your songs

🔴 Influencer, artists, rappers, people of color, rags to riches, attitude

🔴 Neptune in Capricorn at the First House

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METHOD USED: AUTOMATIC WRITING and spotify playlists

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❤️‍🔥FOLLOW ME HERE❤️‍🔥

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❤ Thank you! See you on my next post! ❤

💋 Be you, Do you, You are You! 💋

#Spotify #divination readings #divination #pick a card #pick a pile #pac #tarot #tarot community #tarot reading #ire-as-iris

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creoterative · 9 months

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A lot of Paul and Reggie Quotes

Yes, I adore these two. They are on the very top of my favorite character list and I mean it. They've been there the whole time, since I started this bloggy thing, since I started to watch TV, since I got my first DS with Pokémon Diamond, it's just... yeah, I love them. So, more Paul and Reggie appreciation!

Paul: Hey, what’s the name of the guy who lives down the hall? Reggie: His cats' names are Walter and Rose. Paul: That's not what I asked. Reggie: That is all the information I have.

Paul: I’m terrible at expressing myself. Reggie: Don’t worry, actions speak louder than words! Paul: Yes, but my actions are also bad.

Reggie: You gave me up, you let me down, you turned around, and deserted me. Paul: But did I make you cry? Reggie: *cries on the spot* Paul: ...Shit.

Reggie: N... No! Paul: A fair rebuttal. However, consider this counterpoint: Y... Yes???

Reggie: Can I have a private talk with you? Paul: Okay, as long as it’s not about tampons because I just don’t understand them.

Paul: I taught the dog a new trick. *throws ball* Fetch! Dog: *just stands there* Reggie: He didn’t do it. Paul: I taught him to ignore social conventions and think for himself.

Paul: Why do humans have different blood groups? Reggie: So mosquitoes can enjoy different flavors.

Paul: Ah ready for another fantastic day of being better than Reggie.

Reggie: Paul, can you help me? All of my clothes keep disappearing for some reason. Paul, wearing a hoodie that's 5 times bigger than his size: Spooky.

Reggie: What is wrong with you? Paul: Many, many things... Paul: And most of them are your fucking fault.

Reggie: Paul, I need some advice. Paul: You need advice from ME? Reggie: Yeah, frightening, isn't it?

*Reggie and Paul are planning to break in somewhere* Reggie: We need to distract the guards. Paul: Right. Reggie: What are we gonna do? Paul: I'm gonna break their elbows while you poke their eyes. Reggie: Paul: Reggie: Deal.

Reggie: So I’m the only one around here who can clean up, huh? You can't even lift a finger? Paul: Do I get to pick the finger?

Reggie: Silence is golden. Paul: Duct tape is silver.

Reggie: How’s practice going? Paul: Terrible. I want to stab everybody there. Reggie: Okay, just don’t get any blood on your clothes. Paul: …you shouldn’t be condoning this. Reggie: Don’t tell me how to live my life.

Reggie: Fellas, I gotta know for science. Is the opposite of red green or blue? Paul: Technically a mix of green and blue? Reggie: So blurple. Paul: That's implying you're mixing blue and purple. Reggie: Would you rather have fucking bleen? MOTHERFUCKING GRUE? Paul: You were confusing before but now I'm scared.

Reggie: I have a problem. Paul: Kill it. Reggie: Can you chill for like, two seconds?

Paul: What has the galaxy ever done for you?! Why would you wanna save it?! Reggie: Cause I’m one of the idiots who lives in it!

Reggie, peeling a banana: May I take your jacket, sir? Hahahaha. Paul: Do you think other people can’t hear you?

Paul, grinning: I have a knife! Reggie: Put it down, Paul. Paul: Make me! *sprints away*

Paul: Hey, Reggie. These candies you gave me? They sucked. Reggie: But you ate them all. Paul: I had to make sure they all sucked.

Paul: I will beat all of you in Rock, Paper, Scissors. You go first. Reggie: Rock. Paul: Paper.

Paul: Reggie, I want a bedtime story! Reggie: I’m busy, Paul. I’ll tell you one tomorrow. Paul: If you don’t tell me a story, I won’t go to bed! Reggie: Once upon a time, there was a person named Paul, who always wanted things their way. One day, their friends got sick of it and locked them in the basement for the rest of their life. Everyone else lived happily ever after. The end. Paul: I don’t like these stories with morals.

Paul: Do crabs think people walk sideways? Reggie: ...Paul, what the hell.

Reggie: You know me, Paul, I don’t take any shit. You know what I say to my haters? Paul: What? Reggie: I say: “Please don’t hate me, I’m really nice.”

Reggie: What the hell is wrong with you? Paul: I have this weird self-esteem issue where I hate myself but still think I’m better than everyone else.

Reggie: When do you usually go to sleep? Paul: Whenever I collapse is entirely up to the gods.

Reggie: I don’t think we can mansplain, manipulate, or malewife our way out of it this time. Paul: *cracks knuckles* Manslaughter it is!

Reggie: Try not to roll your eyes at me. Paul: I don't have pupils.

Reggie: Please, Paul, after everything we’ve been through together. You can’t do this. Paul: I’m sorry Reggie. Reggie: I’m begging you. Don’t do it. Paul: It has to be done. Reggie: Paul: Reggie: Paul: *Places +4* Uno.

*while waiting outside the principal’s office* Paul: What are you in for? Reggie: Oh, they just want to know if it’s cool if I miss my classes tomorrow to run sound and lights for a presentation in the auditorium. What about you? Paul: I stabbed a kid with a screwdriver. Reggie: Reggie: Reggie: We live very different lives. Paul: Yes we do.

Paul: Man, I’m gonna get fat if you keep feeding me all these chips and junk! Reggie: I’M NOT! I was eating them and you took them. Paul: You said I should try some! Reggie: I said they were good. Paul: That’s not how I heard it.

Paul: Yeah, I don’t like people. Reggie: Oh, well now that’s not fair Paul. Have you met all of them? Paul: I’ve met enough of them. People. What a bunch of bastards!

Computer: Please enter a password. Paul: *types in Reggie* Computer: Your password is too weak. Paul: How fucking DARE YOU-

Paul: *Hugs Reggie from behind* Paul: *Tucks Reggie's hair behind their ear* Paul, whispering: Eat all the frosted animal crackers again and they'll never find your body.

Reggie: Might I make a suggestion you possibly won’t like? Paul: Do you make any other kind?

Paul: Why should I make my bed, when I'm just gonna unmake it to sleep in it anyways? Reggie: Why should I feed you if your just gonna die anyways? Paul: Paul: I'll go make my bed-

Reggie: Where have you been all day? Paul: Oh, just dealing with things way beyond my maturity level.

Reggie: You know what? Let’s give it a go. What’s the worst that could happen? Paul: Humiliation, embarrassment, fire, explosions, collisions, tears, nudity and death.

Reggie: I'm having problems with a guy... Paul: Like his dead body won't fit into your trunk kind of problems, or you like him kind of problems?

Paul: *pulls back the curtain while Reggie is showering* Paul: Hey did we - stop screaming it’s me - did we run out of Cheerios?

Paul: What if I lied this whole time and I'm actually 18? Reggie: Paul, stop trying to get drugs. Paul: Don't suppress my interests.

Paul, very tired: Can I sleep in your bed? Reggie: *half asleep* Paul, this is a queen-sized bed. That means it’s for *gestures vaguely to themself* the Queen.

Reggie, wiping tears from their eyes: If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, it’s meant to be… Paul: I’m literally just going to the store.

Paul: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT! Reggie: At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone. Paul: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch? Reggie: Somehow that's worse.

Paul: Reggie, what are you doing tomorrow? Reggie: Having my day ruined by whatever you’re about to ask me to do.

Reggie: I can’t tell if you’re a genius or just incredibly arrogant. Paul: Well, on a good day, I’m both.

Reggie: Hey Paul, do you have any hobbies? Paul: Swimming.. Reggie: Really? That’s cool. I never expected you to- Paul: In a pool of self hatred and regret.

*Reggie and Paul are texting* Reggie: Please bring home PURIFIED water with NO minerals added for taste. NONE. Paul: I got spring water. Reggie: NO! Paul: With EXTRA minerals! Paul: It’s like licking a stalagmite! Reggie: DON’T COME HOME! Paul: Mmmmmm, cave water.

Paul: If I was married to you I would put poison in your coffee. Reggie: If I was married to you I’d drink it.

Reggie: Seriously, Paul, how many people would you have killed if we’d asked you to? Paul: That’s not important Reggie: I DISAGREE.

Reggie: So we're gathered here today for a very special reason and I think you'll all agree with me here. Reggie: And if you don't well then fuck you. Reggie: I'm looking at you, Paul, you jealous mop.

Reggie: Paul, please calm down. Paul: I asked for two large fries! Paul: *dumps fries onto table* Paul: But all they did was give me a MILLION FUCKING LITTLE ONES!

Paul: You’re kind of a pushover, aren’t you, Reggie? Reggie: …I’m sorry. Paul: See!? That’s exactly what I’m talking about!

Reggie: Dammit, Paul, you ruined everything! Paul: You’re welcome.

Reggie: Remember what I told you. Paul: Don’t be a cunt.

Reggie: This is a very powerful artifact. You’d be messing with some forces we don’t fully understand. Paul: That sounds like a dare to me. Reggie: Oh my god.

Reggie: Are you this rude to everyone?! Paul: Yup. Paul: Don't think you're special.

Reggie: Guess what I'm about to get! Paul: On my nerves.

Paul: I feel like I can be myself around you. Reggie: You’re weird and quiet around me. Paul: Yes.

Reggie: GET BACK HERE YOU DUMB FUCK! Paul: LET ME RUN FROM THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS!

Reggie: Is that a gun?! Paul: It's not what it looks like! Reggie: It looks like a gun! Paul: Okay, maybe it is what it looks like, but in my defense, it doesn't have anymore bullets, so I technically can't shoot it anymore. Reggie: ...ANYMORE?!

Reggie: Paul! This soup is flaccid! Paul: LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS MEAN?!

Reggie: What are you eating? Paul: You wouldn't like it, it's really salty. Reggie: I like you, don't I?

Paul: Reggie? You just drove through a stop sign without stopping. Reggie: I'll stop twice on the way back.

#pokemon anime #pokemon paul #pokemon shinji #pokemon reggie #pokemon reiji #diamond and pearl #pokemon incorrect quotes

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kaorimiyazonotl · 1 year

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Back To You

Chapter one

When they asked if I ever got out of being sad after everything, it became hard for me to smile and admit the truth. So I half lied and half stated the truth. My girls were never going to find out that I’ve been talking to him behind their backs.

I wouldn’t accept it. Dominic was my friend and he was now my ex. I lay there on my bed staring at the ceiling and then my alarm goes off. Knock knock, I turn to the side and see Hikari and Kora in my door frame.

“Get up, sleepy head!” as Kora jumps on my bed.

“Just because it’s the weekend doesn’t mean you get to lay here all day”, Hikari pulling my sheets while I’m scowling at her. “I don’t care if it’s the weekend, I don't want to get up.” The thing is I rather dream and not be in reality. I work as the manager for San Francisco Library, it’s a quiet, settled job, but it comforts me…physically. And when it’s the weekend that’s when I get in my head and I wanna sleep more or write or read or even paint.

Kora sets herself next to me as I’m sitting up with my sheets and blankets on the floor. “Come on, today is Saturday and we gotta check out this new Italian restaurant that Weston just opened.” Weston is an old friend of ours, just as Catie, Catherin, Lilith, and Piper. All of us went to the same high school and went to different colleges but I got to live with Hikari and Kora because we all decided we were gonna go to college in San Francisco. We fell in love with the city, so not only are we roomies but best friends as well.

“Yes, so get up Amaya!” says Hikari

“Okay fine, but what time?”

They both look at me out of shock because usually I put up a fight because I need a good reason but I’m too tired to fight with them. But they smile and say “seven o’clock”. seven p.m. Tonight, will I see him? That's the thing I've worried about ever since I left Santa Clarita and decided to live with the girls. I didn’t even think about what would happen, I just did it because I planned it. While I was even in Santa Clarita, I never once ran into D. I stopped caring when it became August but you know I always did search for something.

“So now that I'm up I’m gonna take my morning walk, anyone wanna come?”

“Sorry, me and Ray are supposed to have brunch at ten?”. I look at the clock and it’s eight-thirty. “Really?”

“What? I need time to pick an outfit, besides I wanna do my makeup too.” Ray and Kora have been with each other for two months now, Ray’s nice, he’s sweet, trans and all, pretty chill guy. I’m not that close with him though unlike Hikari.

“And you Hikari?” She’s grinning at me and when she grins, I know she’s going to have brunch with Enzo, now they’ve only been seeing each other for less than a month. I saw that coming when she introduced him to everyone during our last hangout. That was a month ago too.

Sigh “Have fun you two, I’ll be here when you guys get back.” They both sit by side and give me a kiss on the forehead and a hug.

“Love you!”

“Love you too, now go both of you.”

I lay back on my bed, staring at the ceiling for a bit. If I’m smart enough I would get up right now before I start getting into my head and start crying. When my therapist diagnosed me with depression and anxiety, I wasn’t surprised. I sorta figured given the fact that for three months I didn’t stop crying and listening to music twenty four seven. I guess the only difference now is I’m trying to get past the relationship and trying to accept and deal with it without feeling so sad and guilty. I know people have their own process of dealing with things. I know it’s gonna take time for me. I get off my bed, head to my bathroom, boom, boom, boom, wide awake now, hair up and still in my pj’s. I check my calendar to see if I have anything planned before dinner. Nope pretty much cleared.

I make myself some blueberry pancakes, with a side of eggs and sourdough toast and tea. When the girls saw me making breakfast one morning, they started calling me “Mom” again. Hard to believe I used to be called that when we were all in high school, five years ago to be exact. I check my phone and I get a text from Lilith.

Lilith: Amaya I found this essential oil store called Saje Natural Wellness on Wilmot street. Wanna check it out?

With Lilith, her and I can totally do a spa day together any day. Lilith is very calm, funny, sweet, and helpful. However her therapeutic way of coping is working out and doing what’s good for the body. I'm all for supporting her but for me it’s not my style so I don’t know what works for me. So I text her back thinking what's around there to check out after.

Me: Sure, then we could check out this french-american bakery called La Boulangerie, it’s five minutes away from the wellness place.

We meet up, talk a walk and window shop and talk about all the things like improving our skin and trying out new things to help our skin. Lilith is sorta spiritual and sorta not, but she believes that people should focus on themselves first before anything, even before joining the dating life.

She’s not wrong, I mean I always found myself to be mentally unstable and unable to function because I say I’m not fit to be in a relationship.

“Amaya, so what are you gonna wear to Weston opening?” says Lilith as she takes a sip of her sparkling water. We stopped at the bakery after window shopping and checking out the wellness place.

It's cute and pretty packed and their pastries are delicious. I’d think I’d stop by here by myself next time and take my book with me. Or maybe take inspiration and write something.

“Well I haven’t thought about it yet, if it's the Grand Opening then probably something that fits the vibe for a dinner night.” One thing about me and my wardrobe is it has to fit the vibe and from head to toe; hair, outfit, makeup, jewelry, shoes. I don’t dress to impress…maybe a little bit. I like to match and go with the vibe and not be out of place. I’ve been like that ever since I was little and it’s partially because of my dad. He always told my sisters and I to never go out unless we wore proper clothing. It didn’t matter if it was a BBQ or someone’s birthday, he always wanted us to dress accordingly. To this day he’s still the same.

“Okay true, but it’s an Italian restaurant not a dinner party. I was thinking not too fancy but something nice. Besides, it's gonna be a good night.”

“Yeah, you're right.” I give her my simple smile and drink my vanilla bean latte.

“Have you heard from D? Rumor has it he got a girlfriend.”

“I know, I heard too. I’m sure he’ll bring her to the opening.”

“He is.” I look at her in shock, I probably look pale or perhaps sad almost. It’s been years since he and I haven’t seen each other and I only just talked to him a little bit just last week. If there’s one word to describe Dominic it would be the abnormal and the complete opposite or just different.

The thing is I don’t know how to feel. I would think that by now I feel okay because it’s been a year already. But I guess I’m lying to myself, if I’m trying to deny the fact that I still miss him and everything.

“Lilith. It’s been years and things have changed, besides I’m still trying to focus on myself.”

“You know when you lie I can see it in your eyes right? We’ve been friends for a long ass time, you can’t fool me and you sure as hell can’t fool yourself.”

She’s right and it’s obvious that I’m hurt by it. So it won’t change the fact that I’m trying to hide it. I decided to tell her and her only that we’ve been talking. And tell her everything up until this point.

“Well that was a bitchy move for not telling you.”

“Yeah, it was. But I’m the fool for even talking to him in the first place.”

“Girly, before the whole break-up you guys were close, if being friends is what you wanted in the beginning then no one has the right to judge you or your decisions.”

“Thank you Lilith.”

We leave the cafe, Lilith leaves and then I take my route. I could go home but instead I go to Boudin Bakery, it takes ten minutes if I take Franklin St. and then Post St. But around that area it’s always packed and full of traffic. But because I got nothing better to do I do it.

I managed to find a parking spot after fifteen minutes. And of course the line to get inside the bakery is long. I mean duh it’s famous of course. I could get a sandwich but really I just got two loafs of fresh baked sourdough bread. I’m a big bread eater but it never affected my health. I walk out and head to my car. Just as I was about to get inside. A familiar voice appears.

“Amaya?”

I turn slowly even though I know it’s him, D, Dominic himself, in front of me.

“You still have a thing for appearing out of nowhere sir.” It’s my sarcastic and confident tone I give him but he reads me like a book, so it's easy to predict what I’m feeling. That was one of the things I loved about him. The ability to read someone so easily sometimes I never had to explain myself.

“I see you haven’t changed.” says Dominic, acting as normal as possible.

“Well, what’s there to change? I still write, work at the library and live with Hikari and Kora.” I say with a smart tone, although I don’t mean to, knowing that I sounded a bit rude.

“Sorry, what are you doing over here?”

“Uh..came to buy bread, same as you. Vanessa wants to try this recipe she found.” He’s acting a bit awkward and I know who he’s referring to too. So I try to sound unbothered but I know it won’t work.

“Oh, your girlfriend right? I heard congrats.”

“Thanks…I guess. How about you, seeing anyone lately?”

“No, I’ve been trying to focus on myself and mental well being.” I want this awkwardness to stop because I feel like crying. I have so many questions for him. Why? Why her? Why not me? Didn’t you love me? Didn’t you tell me you’d wait for me? But I keep quiet.

“Are you bringing her to Westons opening?” I try to change the subject and start an actual small conversation with him.

“No, she has work.”

“Ah, I see going solo then.”

“Well with or without her I wouldn’t miss my best friend/brother’s grand opening of his new restaurant. What kind of friend do you think I am?”

“The crazy kind actually.”

It’s true because I only have three words to describe this man in front of me, crazy, reckless, and a risk taker. Even when we were in highschool together he’d be that kind of person who brings everyone together. The fun one. Him and Weston go way back too, starting off as best friends and now brothers. For every adventure that these two plan together it’s always exciting to see what they talk about and come up with. Weston was there during the break up too, I showed up at his place asking if I could come in the night it happened. Chelsea, Weston’s wife, made me tea and I told them what happened. I cried my eyes out for twenty minutes straight by the time I was done crying my eyes hurt so much and I still had to drive my ass home. But even after he still treats me the same and I always tell him thank you.

“I’ll be seeing you at Westons then Amaya.” I stare deeply into his eyes and replay the way he says my name, it has me almost falling to my knees. He turns to walk away. I don’t want him to go. I want to talk to him longer.

“Do you wanna grab a coffee?”

He looks back “Sure, I got time to kill anyway.”

What are the chances of this happening to me? I’m lost in so many ways that it’s unbelievable that I asked him to get a coffee just to spend more time with him. I ask how he’s doing, what his job is now, he answers calmly, tells me that things have been okay, he moved out of Santa Clarita as well. Now he lives here.

If I ask if they live together, is it gonna make me jealous or depressed? “Do you and Vanessa live together? You know since you moved here?”

“No, I live by myself. Why?” He looks at me like I’m up to something.

“Just asking,” I smile. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

We stopped walking, we looked out at the cars passing by, we happened to end up at Kearny St.

“If I told you..I would have hurt you..” He’s not wrong besides I’m the one that broke it off to begin with.

I know back then I was in the wrong. I did it because I was stressed, under pressure and I didn’t know how to be in a relationship. I spent a long time not being in a relationship, so he was my first. I went too fast and I didn’t love myself at the time either. My mother and I got into countless arguments and my dad practically stopped talking to me. I felt guilty and I was eighteen back then, I still lived with my parents and I broke the rules. I was lucky that I wasn’t kicked out. So how can I answer the one I love right in front of me?

“You're right, I would’ve been hurt. But you not telling me hurts more.” I start to tear up, I hold back from breaking. D comes closer and hugs me, I’m falling, I break and begin to cry.

“I missed you okay, I fucked up back then, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to lose the kind of friendship we had.”

“Amaya, I’m sorry, I didn’t think about your feelings, I just assumed you’d be okay. And I missed you too.”

The way he can just comfort me and still show affection towards me feels like nothing has changed. But I can’t be fooled, for he is not mine anymore. I break the hug and step back, wipe my tears.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing? You have nothing to apologize for.” I really don’t, I just apologize for no reason sometimes and it’s a habit because I don’t like being in the wrong and making mistakes. I still have more questions about him and Vanessa but I don’t want to ask, it makes me sick rather than happy. But we’re friends so it’d be rude not to ask.

“So how are you and Vanessa?”

He doesn’t answer for a good minute, he just stares at the ground and kicks a pebble.

“Uh..it’s not all smiles and good times if that’s what you're asking?” Dominic’s response was sarcastic. I’m curious because what if it was a mistake? What if he didn’t want to be with her? But I could be wrong.

“Really? How so?”

“Let me summarize it for you, sometimes there are days where she and I don’t get along…Do you remember when I started texting you at random?”

How could I forget? I was either taking a bath, writing or even watching anime. It was like he’d just popped up out of nowhere but it made me smile because I still loved it.

“Yes, why?”

“It was because during those times she and I would get into arguments or I’d get sad about something and she wouldn’t do anything about it…She doesn’t know how to help me like you do Amaya.”

“That was why? But how do I help you?”

“Your comforting, always has been, you know how to get me out of being sad or upset. You know how to comfort others when they’re feeling down and it shows that you care.” D continues.

“She’s toxic, she doesn’t know how to help, sometimes she just leaves me and then we spend a week not talking until she wants to spend time with me.” Who is she? Why did he put himself in this position?

He tells me that after the break-up it left a lot of scars, his depression was bad during that time, he drank and started going to parties. He dropped out of college. But he didn’t say where. And then when he met Vanessa it was just to try something new.

I’m shocked because he never did this. How much did I hurt him for shit to go down hill? I feel so guilty for doing this to him.

“I’m sorry D..I-”

“Hey, it gave me time to think about life. But I quit drinking and I haven’t been out in awhile.”

“And college? What about that?”

Sigh “After talking to the councilor they said that we could work something out and I’ll be taking classes at night…I started last month.”

“That’s good, I’m happy for you..What major are you doing though?”

“Landscape Architecture.” I smile so big, I immediately give him a hug, he’s shocked but he hugs me back.

Before we graduated high school, I had asked him what he wanted to do. He had said that he wanted to go to college but he didn’t know what to pursue. He said that he’d find out once he’d get there. So knowing that he picked a major makes me so happy because he could make art out of landscapes. I mean take a look at the Jewel at Changi Airport, in Singapore. It’s beyond what you could imagine.

“Congratulations, I’m so proud of you!”

“Thank you”

We talk some more and before you know it, it’s time to head home. But just before we parted ways while going back to my car. He says,

“It was good talking to you again Amaya.”

I simply give him a smile and answer “I’ll see you later.”

Coming home the drive wasn’t bad, the memory and thought of running into D again replays in my head and I think to myself today was a good day. I’m still iffy about his new girlfriend Vanessa. I say this because I care about him and I don’t want him to get into something that he doesn’t know how to deal with.

For as long as I can remember Dominic has always been sensitive and unsure about the women he’s with. And you would think that if you’re hurt you’d end your relationship if you're with someone that you don’t have that many feelings with or if they’re hurting you. But he has told me before and his philosophy is he won’t be the first one to break the relationship without a good amount of reasons to need to.

Though time and time again he’s never been the first one to break off the relationship, except once, that was six years ago. It’s always been mind blowing to me because he hurts himself more by putting himself in a situation like that but he told me that people who break off the relationship first hurt more than the ones being hurt.

It doesn’t make any sense but I tried to not argue with him on that. There are things that he and I don’t agree on and things that don’t make any sense sometimes. But I can get along with him and have fun.

When we did date we would do the most crazy things and stay up late talking for hours, those were the type of things I’d look forward too, knowing that I can go to someone after work, knowing that someone was waiting for me when I’d come home and knowing that I had someone who’s come to me when they were done with work as well.

But things changed. He and I both changed. I just hope it doesn’t get to me because he’s in a relationship now and he’s going to be there at Weston’s opening only this time everyone will be there.

#chapter 1 #continuing writing story #relaistic fiction #my writing #author:TC #honesty/loyalty #love/romance/drama #reconnecting

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detroitbecomeonline · 1 year

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DBH MODDING (1) - HOW I MADE JUICY

Hi everyone :) I'm going to start a lil mod diary because I'm trying my best to learn how to do stuff with like, 0 prior understanding. I'm writing everything I find out because frankly, I can't find info like this elsewhere. I have to figure everything out myself. If you're like me, and have no experience or knowledge in manual modding what-so-ever, I hope this series of entries will help you! If anyone has any information or extra points, PLEASE say something lol. If I'm wrong, I'm begging you to correct me!!!

It's currently 30/12/2022 and for the last 3 days, I've been looking at modstuffs for Detroit: Become Human. I started with the browser model swapper and successfully located the game file it needs. For me, I downloaded DBH through Steam, so I go the HDD (where I keep my Steam stuff) > steamapps > common > Detroit Become Human > and the file will be in the list of BigFiles. HOWEVER I made a new folder just on my HDD called "Original BigFile_PC idx" and copied and pasted the original file into there so if anything breaks, I can just plug my original back in.

That's how I can get shots like this, because I swapped Connor's game model for North's:

I have been hanging out in a DBH modding server, and they're talking words my uneducated ass can hardly understand. But what I have picked up is this:

Mokit is like, movement capture? Like how Bryan explained that the little dots on his face capture the actors movement. And there are a bunch of cameras and stuff. idk here's a YouTube vid. So anyway these movements are saved in files and you can switch mokits with characters.

Pretty sure points on mokits are labelled or something, because in the model swapper, an elbow is an elbow, whether you're North or Sumo.

And so also in the model swapper, you can switch out these files. I have no idea how to do this manually. I haven't experimented with the mokit swaps yet anyway.

After that, I downloaded the Custom Texture Tool (also found in More Tools) and yesterday I cracked it open. Here's what it looks like upon opening:

I locate my game through HDD > steam > steamapps > common > Detroit Become Human. Then this all comes up on the left:

And I'm like dang. I have no idea what any of this does, but what's really cool is that I can see which files are attributed to which BigFile (which I previously couldn't open). Immediately I go for the catalogue, because SURELY that's where the textures live. It looks like this when I open up the Catalogue tab.

I chilled out and browsed the files for a bit before searching for Connor. I really liked how these files are named just because of story structure and specific scenes. It makes so much sense, thank you CONNOR_INTO2.

So rn I can't view a lot of files and I didn't quite understand why, but after a quick Google, it's because you need a specific program to grab em. But anyway, you see that black-red-green-blue square in the third row fifth column in the screenshot? I was like oh man. I know what THIS is for. I export the DDS file (I save the image) and it opens up in PAINT DOT NET. so im like ok ok i'll do it. I gotta.

Using Common Sense, I swatch the red and the green and I keep the text in the parameters of where the old text was so that it goes on Connor's uniform in the right spot. I have no idea what the red and green colours mean. After that, I save it as a separate file in another folder on my HDD. Here is a comparison of the before and after:

I don't know why they have to be upside down, but yep. + Sorry, it's unfortunate I can't upload the Juicy texture to this post. Must be to do with the DDS file format or whatever.

Anyway, this was the result:

crying

So I'm like okay, I understand this a little. I want to colour other stuff. After a whole bunch of dicking around with files (and I will not document my painful process), I watch a video on texture maps. My mind BLEW because:

I could identify the normal maps (purple ones).

I understand now that roughness maps will be the maps that make uniform textures shine or not. (I don't know which ones are roughness maps yet).

A few more things:

This is Connor's uniform jacket and this is his belt, but they're completely different texture maps. I have no idea what the red and green mean. Maybe it's to communicate to the roughness maps what to apply? (Shiny belt buckle vs leather strap.) And for Connor's jacket, here is where I can change the colour and look, but it won't change the fabric texture and actual shape. Anyway, so I'm going to download a 3D model program to see if that gives me a better understanding of things.

I'll update you soon!

~ Trinity

#dbh #dbh mods #detroit become human #becomeonlinemodgallery #bomoddiary #mymoddiary #mine

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marcholasmoth · 11 months

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OSRR: 3227

i went to PT this morning and got a phone call from them as i pulled into the parking lot that my appointment was for 7:30, not 8. which i knew because i'd looked at it after showering, which was still 7:45, so regardless i was gonna be late. while i was showering though i thought "wait, was today's supposed to be early, or...?" so when i was done i checked and ta da, that was today. but it wound up not being a problem anyway, because someone had space at 8.

after PT i stopped at starbucks for cocoa because it was chilly and i'd just had ice packs on my shoulders.

i went to work and was there on time and it was actually all okay even though i was really busy and i didn't get the chance to write reports. i need to do that. i really gotta write reports. i told myself i'd be better at writing them this year but that hasn't really happened. it's just exhausting, i guess.

after work i went back to joel's and napped for a while. when i got up i packed my things and came home, after briefly accosting joel with affection. (he also stole my pillow last night - i blame the lack of pillow for my bad sleeping lmao. he's so cute though, so i can't stay mad. ever.) at home i was just in time to open my class photos that had arrived, set the table, and sit down before dinner was done.

after dinner hummus and i went on an adventure to find medicine pocket treats for the cats because zoe needs meds and simon has an appointment tomorrow so he needs meds too. we found them at walmart and stopped for ice cream on the way back.

by 10 simon hadn't eaten his meds but he had launched himself at mom again, so i went downstairs to see if i could get him to eat the meds or at least lick it off. he hadn't been fed, so i eventually needed to tear apart the treats into little bits and add dry food to it so he'd get the mix of same size bits all at once. i think it worked. he's been pretty chill since then.

i laid down and started season 3 of lok, which is honestly incredible and i love it a lot. i love that it's getting into family dynamics of the different families of the original characters as time has gone on. it makes me happy but it also makes me cry because that shit is HARD.

anyway it's now half past 2 and i need sleep bc i'm gonna be working in the garden tomorrow or i'm going to be cleaning my room. i don't know which yet.

bonus thought: i hate that the far right button on movie isn't tags anymore. i hate that it's above the row above the keyboard instead of in the row above it. ugh. every time.

#molly rambles #operation srr #osrr #3000s #3200s #sunshine boy

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jjkeverlast · 11 months

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Thankyousoomuchh<3

Ik 18, it's so exciting to thing of turning 18 but when you do you realise you have a lil more of burdens and responsibilities 🤐it isn't all fun for everyone but you gotta embrace it.

And about 20 i felt nothing different, since not much changed, I'm still in uni, still gotta complete assignments, feel stressed about whatever but it feels like I've matured about feelings and emotions throughout the year since.. I'll say it's chill you have me yeah😁😅😂 don't stress about it though you'll only feel more matured and more like a grown up lady(i love this part though idk what changed but feels awesome) I had the crises period and i only thought how am i supposed to succeed what am i doing in next 10 years but it went away with time i figured it's only right to work on the present.

I'm sorry atp I'm literally rambling but idk😅😅😅i hope this helped in some way😶‍🌫️

Love ya and hey i never like sns but you actually made me enjoy it sm honestly <3

Also idk if you remember but this is the anon who made you cry on the train, i mean you yk what I'm saying 😅🫣😶‍🌫️ I'm shy now😶‍🌫️🫶

IT WAS YOU?????? omg hold on. *cries again* i remember you saying how shy you were, so omg thank you for sharing so much!! i love reading your thoughts on this.

i'll definitely try my best to focus on the present, i do have crisis about my future and if it all works out, but you're right. the present is now and should be the main focus. :')

wow, anonie i hope uni treats you well!! i hope you remember to take care of yourself even though it's stressful with assignments. you come FIRST!!!! <3 always mental health before anything else. <3

ugh feeling grown and maturing is the best!!! it makes you realize how much you've changed as well :') i love that part too, especially since i've taken some time apart from toxic people and decided to educate myself on important topics. all this is a part of growing up, you're so right anonie :)

i love youuuuu! this actually warms my heart, since its not normally something for you, which is completely fair!! i'm glad i can make you enjoy it 🥺

just remember it's okay to be shy, just be yourself babe <3

#anonie #lati's mailbox📬

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princess-pill-enjoyer · 2 years

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Hi again

I'm back here way sooner than I expected honestly. I'll start off with uh the week did NOT go to plan whatsoever but I'm trying to not end of the world mode off any and all deviation from my original plan sooo I am mostly okay with that. Ish. For one, I came to my senses and decided against the mini origami as filling. It woulda been cute yeah but she is a massive hoarder when it comes to any sort of sentimental shit so was just imagining her tryna store all 80 trillion of em and I was just like... nah...... lets not. I just told her the truth in the small aggressive take-the-damn-gift note I left. Plus I didn't sit there and try to rush like I thought I would. I actually accidentally did my own thing day one then shit just kept happening and... I boohooed and slept most of the week ngl 💀💀💀

THO one thing that happened that was slightly out of my control was my aunt invite/dragging me out to this event thingy. I believe I told yall I went to pride with her earlier this year and had a good time and apparently I didn't ruin it for them! Tho it's kinda bittersweet cause of a lot just.. family shit I wish I was young enough to stay ignorant to still. It was easy to play dumb growing up but now that I am a lot more emotionally intelligent annnnd now hang around with her alot its putting me in this corner that I have no clue how I'm going to get out of.

Anyway that was not the introduction to something as it probably sounded assss I have not slept in two days and while I am weirdly alert for whatever reason I am sure ASFFF not finna stay up tryna write. I alwayssss do it oml until I feel satistfied I'll go on and on. Basically tho, I was saying the 14th as R's brithday is on the 18th and I wanted to make sure that it'd be nearly guaranteed to be there in time so the plan was sending it 4 days early so it'd more than likely be there the day before and I could just tell her not to open (ah tho.. Im honestly just hype to see her reaction I dont think I'd bother to make her wait). Tho the concoction my aunt had me on... had other plans. I lost another day of my work week on Saturday to go with her and oh my god.. Sunday was out the question too. I wasn't so much gone gone it was just a LOT. I already crying the night before so I took like 900 or so tryna force myself to sleep before only to find out calcium can effect that stuff...? I don't know I could not sleep for the life of me even when I laid there chilling for at least an hour and a half. So no sleep + nearly a gram and most of it still floating around asss I took it not too long before all this + FOR ONCE NOT WATERED DOWN ALCOHOL (ish it was this big ass can of black cherry something) so I actually felt something fr + walking around and lowkey sweating.. + her possessed weed had me like. DONE. DONE DONE. I wanted to go to bed the entiiiiiree time I was there as I was shleepy plus I'm guessing since I don't smoke too often but I have a really hard time processing whats going on when Im off her weed so even with it mostly cooled off by the time I went home I died on the spot. Then I woke up, ate.. then promptly died for another 6.

Sooooo I sent it today. Lowkey in a panic as atp nothing was going to plan and I literally hadn't sent anything in the mail in so long I was scared I'd do it all wrong. I knew I could ask but. I am a ball of anxiety. Didn't even think of it til I was tryna calm down on the way back.

Tho explain to me how even with me getting just plain ass priority mail as the box I had on deck was bootleg and me previously calculating this shit out on the website and having everything seeming fine and dandy.

Only to look at the receipt and see that it's gonna come the day before more than likely

Like.. how on earth.

2 days?? AND I DIDNT HAVE TO PAY EXTRA????

I hope it's right! That'd be so convenient dude now I know whenever I'm sending her shit I only gotta time it for two days before

Annnd I know I still said I owed an explanation for my absence and shit and I am still holding myself accountable on that. Cause I mean.. what's the point in going back on my word on that you know?

This was just a little mini something to make it clear I did not die or anything. Plus the draft I was writing before was so fucking bad. SO bad. I was goneee tryna write while I was crying and the tears made me already shitty spelling so bad.. But the little tangent I went on was kinda sweet honestly. I neveer really get to joke about my grades in school so it was nice that me just talking shit about an old situation got me out my funk for a little. I think you'd be able to tell kinda. Or maybe only I can since I can see specifics on it that others wouldn't notice. I dunno. But yeah 2 stories about my notable bad grades in highschool. Its a more personal one so I would not be offended if this is where you'll stop reading. Just wanted to say I'm alr.

My dumb stories about my grades

I used to be on a robotics team

No.. not battlebots.. 🥲

Twas a FRC robotics team. Which means nothing to anyone outside the community but for people that've done it know all the hassle with that shit. My team was particularly bad with that. I was on a relatively historic team, one of last original teams that were still active, a triple digit team (very rare now as team numbers are given numerically and I think frc has like 8-10k teams now) annnd we had a few duties on top of just building a robot. Was a very involved rookie, mostly there for scholarship opportunities but I made a few friends there that made me stick around and in turn made me pretty reliable.

Which.. ah. I wish I could go back honestly. One of the worst times of my life. It was fun here and there, but for the most part it was just a lot to constantly stress on. First off, one of the only black people on the team and I was one of the few girls ("girls" sob sob) on the team

Im now fluid and while it doesnt bother me that people have and still mostly perceive me as a woman, having my womanhood highlighted for some buzz word shit/girlboss nonsense is a giant pet peeve of mine. One of the main reasons I moved onto fluidness. It's hard to explain honestly. I feel like I am a woman in some aspects but I'd rather it not be acknowledged. The fluidness would be in like how little I want that piece of me acknowledged. Somedays I'm completely chill and you can call me ma'am and use she/her without me even noticing it really. But other days that shit. Stings. I'll go out my way to look more neutral and I hope that even for a second people question what to call me. She/her is still pretty whateverish but fem terms piss me off to an extreme. These days I try to stay Isolated for the most part cause it's so bad I'd be on the verge of tears/in a blind rage over someone simply calling me young lady. I fully acknowledge that part of it ain't cool so I'm trying to better about making preferred terms clear during that stuff and even with that I try to avoid talking so I don't even have the opportunity to be misgendered

But with that all being said... my womanhood being tokenized WITH my blackness?? Hell. Hellllllllll.

I at the time didn't recognize my fluidness but having those non woman days back then and still having to be the bubbly girl rookie for a good I think 20-25ish hours a week was a lot. I was a tryna be the bubbly girl everyone expected me to be while also being shoved into a leadership position because of that previously mentioned tokenization. Which was hard as is. I wish I could go back then and just show my dumbass what I am now. I'm sure I woulda quit on the spot annnd came to my spicy basics style that I am now :)

Ah but slight tangent. Anyway uh that all was going on but I actually had more there going on. Our team was also had a lot of cattiniess and fakeness going on. A longtime family of the team had previous issues with them shoving their kids to the center of attention with EVERYTHINGGG. It was extremely frustrating as they'd want them to be the leader of anything worth a damn. On one hand, made sense. They were very talented and they were experienced in a lot of the shit we were doing. However, it ain't exactly a great look to have the team be essentially these two and everyone else just being the help. Plus, one was a junior and we had a strict rule about no one coming back to be a mentor for at least 2 years after you graduated hs (cause of previous events/drama before my time there, lowkey think it's a massive mistake as most alumni build enough of a life outside of the team in the time to the point that they can't/won't come back 95% of the time) so once he left it'd leave a huge skill gap if we allowed it. That and, I won't lie, the boys were dicks when they got down to business (a weirdly common trait with future engineering/computer science majors for whatever reason). While even in the short time I knew them I could see it mostly being due to their parents treatment of them, it was not a common thing apparently.

I tried to stick up for them where I could and talk and scold them when I could see they were out of line. I'm not usually all that bold but. At that point I was there more than I was home so I got a lot more comfortable airing my opinions there. Welp. Sort of. Me doing that somehow someway turned me into the fucking teams therapist. It was okay at first when I was handling a pair of privileged but well meaning and confused boys and it was all of my own will. But that shit turned into EVERYONE coming to me for shit like that. I've heard damn near everyone's dirty secrets at that point

Shoot. Mentors going through divorce and fantasizing/crushing on other mentors, them same grown ass mentors coming to me to whine and ask about the boys, this one team member with a weird savior complex that led him to whine and throw tantrum after tantrum since he wasn't getting his way, meeting my ex best friend and dealing with her abusive mother and her various now very obvious bpd related relationship issues, met my ex through that and promptly got groomed...

That was on top of the already complicated duties of just being on the damn team anyway. We were there damn near everyday for at least 3 hours at a time, including over 12 hour days on Saturdays. I was being pulled in every direction. Every two seconds I was tending one issue or another. Either dealing with the two faced team that would talk all partnership and fairness at large meetings and gatherings but regularly talk shit about any and everyone on the team, running to the rescue of my ex best friend whether that was wiping her tears because of something her mom said or did or helping her get with whatever dude she was interested in at the time or listening to my ex's whining about whatever he was stressing on which was usually my ex best friend that he played being over but like 2 mo after he fucked me over claimed he was always in love with. Just a lot for a 15-16 y/o to be dealing with. Especially with me going from not having friends close enough to have issues like that to having EVERYONE seeing me as they damn bestie

Which led to me to severely neglect myself. I wasn't showering the way I should, I was constantly picking at my skin (mostly my face ngl) and I started cutting around this time. I was extremely suicidal as well but I knew if I killed myself at that time it'd be a massive inconvenience for everyone since they were all depending on me. I started talking to my ex all night and sleeping every other day to accommodate. I started to completely forget about school entirely.

My grades tanked by my standards. I usually keep mostly high A's with a few B's in classes that were less lenient with my forgetfulness when it came to homework. But I started going from that to mostly b's and a few a's. I was just exhausted. I was ripping and running almost everyday and it wasn't even at its peak

The second semester was a lot more hectic with robotics, we had competitions left and right which started making me behind in a few classes. We at first would just miss a friday here and there but then it started to be Thursdays and fridays. THEN a week for world champs which was AWFUL to catch up from. Most of the teachers did not care that we were dipping and just gave us the work and we were to have it done by like... either the day we came back or a few days after. It varied ofc and i cant remember specifics specifics but i know it wasnt that that lenient.

Plus heightened tensions with the team as it was build/comp season, it was bad. Constant drama. Constant. I couldn't escape it. Shit tankkkkkked my GPA. Even as the comps and shit slowed down it was still so much extra and around this time I was in the "talking stage" with my ex and I was sometimes going days and days not sleeping tryna talk with him, with a quick nap for the like hour and a half I was home before robotics..

I semi fixed it by the end of the year. Mostly anyway. My ex best friend had an incident that landed her in mental institutes a few diff times so I had one less client to worry about for a little while. Once she came back I think me and my ex started dating like 2 weeks before the seniors graduated and left which was like a month before the rest of us got out. All that going on made me semi relax and get my shit together

It was as fixed as it could be lmao. I think I had a single A and all the rest were B's with an exception of economics....

Most teachers just ain't say nothing when I'd set an old assignment somewhere. They'd grade jt and boom. That's that. The teachers that would notice notice I didn't even bother trying and I'd instead do the last few assignments to the best of my ability and make sure I'd ace or damn near ace every test and that month with me dating my ex but not seeing him at school made things a lot easier. I didn't think I really needed to like FIGHT to keep his attention as much so I was sleeping more often. Plus, drama teamwise got a lot better as most of the team graduated and we went back to the non comp season schedule so wayyyyyyy less meetings and shorter ones too. Overall more sleep and less stress so more focus on school

Man.. and side note why the first week I was with my ex my skin damm near completely cleared?? That shit makes me want to kms looking back that is NOT fair 😭

Anyway. Everything got a lot better and having an entire month to pretty much exclusively focus on school was great. It was bout 30ish of the workload so long as I wasn't doing absolutes nothing through the year I could get a decentish grade. Plus, my issue was never that I wasn't understanding or remember what they were teaching. I would wear an earbud and listen to music during class and the switching focus between that helped me remember stuff better as I wasn't daydreaming or thinking as much.

Sooo for most I was all good. The tests were good, sleep was good, some old assignments were put in and all my new ones were pretty much 85-100 everytime, and most tests were a breeze. The assignments definitely helped ofc but for most classes me having consistently great test scores kept me at a mid-high grade anyway so the assignments just leveled shit out.

ECONOMICS HOWEVER. Holy God bruh. THE SHIT WAS ASSSS. The teacher I got was notorious for her horrible teaching, to the point multiple seniors warned me to switch out of her class if I got her. But, my dumbass not understanding how to do that mess, I was too honest on why I wanted to switch classes and got sat down and denied. They told me they couldn't switch me for shit like that and they said she had a whole other teacher with her now so it should be better anyway

Wrong.

Horrible bruh. HORRIBLE. 99% of the tests were just shit from her PowerPoints which was only vaguely related to the textbook. The extra teacher did us a favor and pointed out to focus on the PowerPoints and that helped a TON on tests. I would for the most part get near perfect/perfect scores as I literally didn't even have to attempt to read or anything. It was usually line for line from the PowerPoint

But there was two issues with that model

One: the little workbook/packet we were supposed to be working through with each chapter were mostly textbook based. Which was kinds hard as you were teaching yourself for the most part with that mess as the PowerPoints explained everything completely differently from the textbook and had their own examples. I usually didn't even bother cause I'd either be lost at what I was doing or it'd be some shit like oh make a poem about this or draw this and I'm like what? Fuck that wth

But two is what did it. The seemingly standard of tests being worth more than assignments was the opposite in her class. So I could sit there and clearly show that I was paying attention and I understand the concepts she was teaching and still fail the course since I didn't do the petty activities she'd copy and paste from the textbooks

I tried to argue my point as I literally only got the d because of my nearly perfect test score on the final which SHOULD BE THE IMPORTANT THING as that shows I learned wth I needed to. But a combination of an already stubborn teacher, her weird beef with me that was ongoing that entire semester (didn't believe I was in robotics fr and also got confirmed as a racist a little while into my senior year which made a few more things click as well.. 💀💀💀) and her doubt that I even actually understood the material as if I cheated... when I was usually one of the first done with the damn test just led me to drop it and deal with it

I ended up retaking the class my senior year as our school had a grade replacement policy and a special class I took had me ahead with credits anyway. Oddly enough got the same teacher again which was odd... but got it in the same hour with my youngest sister (that I live with anyway). She didn't get the extra teacher this year as dude quit last year but it didn't end up mattering cause of the pandemic. Waaaaayyy less focus on textbooks period as they ain't wanna figure out how they were gonna deal with sanitizing em so she changed her assignments accordingly. She acted stupid and acted like she didn't remember me... while ofc remembering to mispronounce my name everytime she said it 🙃

It was soo petty lmfao. I didn't even realize she was doing it until my sister corrected her a few different times. The way she was saying it was pretty common so i usually don't bother to correct people if they use that name instead as I've grown so used to it its basically a second name atp. But my sister ofc ain't used to it so she'd correct her everytime she said it. To give her credit, pandemic made it where we were completely online on semester and the next we were in 2 days a week, but at the same point... cmon now. It ain't even that deep 😭

I think like a month into us being back semi in person she called somebody a nigger bruh.. not in our class or anything but nonetheless it happened. I didn't hear too much of the context but it happened in her 4th hour class annnd she babied them the entire year to keep em from getting her fired. Like deadass buying pizza for these mfs, skipping assignments, taking em outside and turning a blind eye to a few seniors dipping when they was out. The whooooole shebang bro. That shit instantly made so much small shit she was doing in my sophomore year make total sense. I shoulda aggravated her and got her exposed earlier bruh....

Now gym???

Dude can kiss my dick bruh man was out here tryna tell my big ass to run mostly 85-100 degree weather when I not only TOOK THAT SHIT IN MIDDLE SCHOOL SPECIFICALLY SO I WPULDNT NEED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL but it ain't count cause of differences in the districts/states requirements but also had that mess as a third hour class, which meant a whole nother hour of sitting there sweaty af in another class until lunch. If I woulda had it as a 4th hour class I woulda been chill on that as lunch meant I wasn't rushing to anywhere and I could prolly whole ass lunch period to wash up if I wanted to.

But 3rd???

Got me fucked bruh

I'm not gon sit there sweaty and gross and only get 15 mins to change and get to a class across the campus (open campus thing.. no hallways just a big ass field with buildings and stairs around for the actual classrooms. Semi makes sense but still the most backwards shit I've ever seen) ANNND sit there still sweaty and half dead in a whole diff class

Semester before I barely got a B cause it started cool down to junk like 60-75 which is wayyyyy more my speed and I could do more without sweating too bad. Tho I was one of the only ones that ain't run. I wouldn't do any more than like.. 20 sec bursts with a looooooong ass recovery time. So warmup running shit was 95% walking for me and the mile ain't even attempt. I got a cool 21 mins on that shir 💀💀💀

The semester after is where it came to a head. By April I abandoned even them few seconds of running as by that point we were LUCKY to get anything under 95 and I was done just being out there. Going from MI's prolly 75-80ish spring/early summr and it not even mattering as we'd be indoor with ac all day to whole fucking sports and shit outside.. hell nah

We FINALLY start coming inside to play instead like 2-3 weeks before we dipped for summer break cause it was consistently 100 degree weather and even mfs that lived in AZ all they lives was going through it. Sooo we did our thing, I still ain't run out of habit ofc ofc but I did semi well at volleyball and badminton so that wasn't too notable. Gave me a bit of a boost so I went from like.. lowish c to a mid c which was cool

Then. Oh my god. Bro. So I got a like. Prolly 60 on the mile. Got it on some technicality that I didn't know about so I was pretty shocked on that. Second semester tho it was like over 100 and he'd be out his mind asking ANYONE to run out there. So instead of letting everyone else run while I leisurely waik and call it a day, we instead did the pacer teat

Dude explained it all to us. Basically was like every one pacer thingy is one percent. So, you'd have to run 100 of em to get a perfect score. There were ofc, the few dudes acting like this was some alpha male contest and kept going past that to show out, plus get extra credit, only to be told that was never part of the plan and they did that for no reason 😵‍💫

Ah but rewind mb mb. Uh dude explained and I was like... oh shit. Yeah I'm failing tf out this. The highest I've EVER gotten was a 26 in like.. elementary school. Shit was like 3rd-4th grade and I had since gotten A. Lot older and less active and B. Fatter. I've been overweight but not morbidly so my entire life. I think I'm now barely plus size. Kinda varying on where I'm getting the shit I'm either on the very end of normal sizing or the very very beginning of plus sizing, 0x. Uh which is oddly hard to find

Ah tangent tangent anyway yeah. I'm sitting there like fuck yeah I'm failing th out this final. At my peak I would be getting a 25% and I knew damn sure I wasn't at my peak. So I start calculating it all out.... I'd have to get like 50-60ish laps to pass the class. I'm already coming to terms with it, thinking about taking a summer class for it and keeping it moving, when dude stopped me at the end of class and STRESSED that I ran. Which lowkey pisaed me off ngl... uh but I knew why he did so I tried to not be spiteful the day of

I was tryna be a good little student. Got a matcha latte (soy. Tastes better + I'm lactose intolerant 😮‍💨) before and everything, thinking the little bit of caffeine would help

Only to damn near puke when I was running....

I could literally feel the shit sloshing around as I was going and I was like okay. I might gon head and do it so I can get out this shit early. But then I was sitting there like. Damn. Sweaty. Puke covered. And my mom works as I'm at school so I'd have to either hope that she come get me or the more likely option is they gon send me to the nurse, have me change back to my normal shit, then go back to it. Which was like ???? Nah what fuck that

I got a fucking 7 on my final bruh

😭😭😭

Dude came up to me like bro wth. You can do more. And the combo of me already being annoyed of him steady going out his way to point me out and me genuinely feeling like shit, I was just kinda bluntly like, I feel sick and I'm not chancing having to call my out of work for me to shower. He argued a bit I kinda just blinked and repeated myself lmao

Ig he felt bad or he was done with my bs but he last second made it a thing that you could continue walking laps around for partial credit. Which me and a few other people did. Which took my shit to like. I think a 50. Not amazing but no summer school so I was content. I had a high d+ but our school for whatever reason did not do the -/+ system at all for final grades. So whether you got a 90 or 100, you got a 4.0 A. Which was cool on one hand as you had a tooooon of wiggle room with grades but it was horribleeee when it came to cases like mine

Deadass was like... .2% from a 2.0. Which was like. Bruh. If I woulda got a 1.7, prolly still woulda asked for the extra .2 but at the end of the day it wouldn'tve been that big of a deal if they said no. BUT A WHOLE GRADE POINT AVERAGE LOWER? No.

So I asked. I didn't make it a big deal at first as I've never had to ask that sort of thing and I thought my argument was pretty sensible as is. And to my shock he ain't even say nothing back. Dude just did the shit and kept it moving. I'm sure he was tired of my bum ass steady working his nerves but I was not complaining. Wrote him a whole thank you email and kept it moving B)

Mb bruh massive tangent I never get to talk about that stuff anymore and it was like I was reliving it all in my head for a second 😭

#misc #excessively long #update

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waltnut · 3 years

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Yes, I'm a THIRSTY, HORNY and DEHYDRATED bicht. But I am proud of myself. Can I request more NSFW head cannons of our monster boyfriend? But don't make it dark, maybe add some after segg cares if you want? I LOVE YOU.

Don’t make it dark?? Don’t you know what I’m about??? I can’t believe this.

No I’m joking lol well damn, NSFW? Okay well, this is for the Monster Fuckers so kiddies look away. I’m sorry to those who don’t like NsFw. I will tag it as “NSFT” for Not Safe for Timeline but I also hide it under the cut. I’m sorry. I had fun with this...now I’m embarrassed lmao You guys seem to like these so...

The prompt has me thrown a bit, but I’ll just make some stuff up, I hope that’s okay.

NSFW Headcanons - Monster Boyfriend edition: Demon Lords, Vol. 1

Adult content. These are demons. If this disturbs you, then stop reading here. Otherwise, enjoy?

Lucifer

Level 3

He sheds his feathers on his body when he’s nervous. MC makes him nervous when he’s like this. What do they think of him? Is he ugly? Would they call him a monster?

He’s the most submissive in this form. Gentle touches make him shiver and jump. He feels the most vulnerable and actively moves away from MC if they try to be intimate.

But he wants the intimacy. It’s reassuring. He’s still wanted. He actually might cry a bit. He’s sensitive, be nice.

MC will have to do most of the initiating. After the first time MC had had intimacy with him like this, he will be more confident the next times they engage in any sexual activity.

Level 4

All the pride and confidence. None of that level 3 sissy business, he will have you.

He’s very grabby, and maybe grips a little too tight. He likes the power of being stronger than you. He wants you to know it.

He seems to always have his wings as wide as he can make them. It must be some sort of mating dance. He does have that part bird instinct in there somewhere. He wants to show off, maybe intimidate you a bit. Does he like fear?

Might use the feathers on his tail to tickle you to make you squirm while he has you. What fun!

Mammon

Level 3

He is very clingy. He wants to always be touching you. Even if it’s just the tips of his wings or tail, he wants to have the physical touch.

As he goes through this level, his ability to sense any Greed from the MC to be highly erotic. Talking about buying those new clothes you’ve been wanting? Turn on. Saying how you’re gonna share any of them with him? He can’t contain himself.

He loves pets. Brushes against his hair, feathers, scales, will make him coo. Bird noises, gotta love them.

Easy seduction outfit, should you choose to wear one, anything shiny. Gold chains? Perfect. Sheer black clothes but with gold edges and designs? Also perfect. He can’t resist the shiny.

Level 4

Don’t even think about leaving him, until he lets you. You’re part of his treasure now and he will preen and polish you accordingly.

Lazy in this form, expect lots of cuddling with the dragon. He’s quite warm. The texture on his underside is soft like skin even though it looks like lizard scales. Don’t be surprised when you feel surprise boners while laying with him. He may be lazy, but he’s not tired.

Touching the skin texture of his body is a great seduction tactic should you need one. It’s the sensitive side to his body while the rest is covered in feathers and scales.

While he will dress up MC in gold as a mating ritual, should MC do the same to him, it is the greatest indicator that you are accepting his proposal for intimacy.

Leviathan

Level 3

Two dicks. Look we all know it. We all agree. Moving on.

Touching the purple frills on his ears is like touching his junk. It’s a highly erroneous zone for him. But be gently, they are very soft and sensitive.

Do you even lift? Well you might need to because he is going to be wrapped around you the entire time. He’s quite heavy and good luck getting out of that one.

Laying with him in water is the best way to show any intimate intentions. Even if you think it’ll be a relaxing chill in the water, think again.

Level 4

Now if you’re brave and choose to sleep with a giant ass sea monster, you’re in luck because he can manipulate water to allow you to breathe in the water.

He is the largest of all the brothers in terms of monster size. He’s a giant sea dragon. So be careful when dealing with...well, his size.

He likes to flip you around in the water, so staying in one position is not an option. It’s like a dance!

Want to know if he’s into it? Watch the orange fleshy bits on his sides. The more he glows the more you know!

Satan

Level 3

If you’re into having sex after yelling and screaming at each other then congrats! So is he. Angry sex is what he’s about. He’s wrath. I mean, come on.

Belittle him. No really. He’ll want to prove you wrong. Fuels the fire.

Extremely dominant. Don’t even try to top him. Also you just finished? No rest for you, you’re going again.

He’s gonna scratch and mark you. Bring some bandaids.

Level 4

Okay first of all, you really want to sleep with this? He’s terrifying. He is an actual hell spawn. Well okay, be prepared for selfish sex. He’s rough.

Want to know if he’s into it? Watch the flames on his back. Can you pass your hand through it without it burning you? You pass. It’ll grow brighter and larger the closer he is to finishing.

Most likely to choke you.

Will call you names during the act, sorry. The “not nice” kind.

Asmodeus

Level 3

Words are your biggest weapon. Constant love and adoration is all you need when he’s like this. You won’t even need to touch him to work the magic.

As the avatar of lust, he knows the human body of all genders. His genitalia resembles a males’ but it does have a clit on the bottom side of the head of the dick. You can get real creative with that.

Kiss and touch his ears! He loves it. They might flick at your touch, but he’s into it.

Is able to have his scorpion tails in this form if he chooses to, and he likes pushing and pulling you around with them.

Level 4

More of a Dom in this form. He also enjoys a good mess.

Don’t grab onto his tails, he’s not into it. But grabbing onto his mane? Go right ahead with that.

A little bitey. Vampire tendencies.

Most likely to try and sex you on the ceiling. Why? Not sure. But he’s able to do it so just roll with it.

Beelzebub

Level 3

Look at that long ass tongue. He’s gonna use it. Why wouldn’t he use it? You’re gonna want him to use it. The paralysis saliva he can produce is something he can choose to use.

Will jump on you out of nowhere. No literally, where did he come from? It’s 3 Am and everyone else is asleep. But a good smack will get him to stop if it’s unwanted. Bad puppy.

He might share his food with you if he’s offering intimacy. Like with his mouth. Like it might already be chewed a bit.

Chromeo lyrics: ((Don’t turn the lights on! I want to see you in the dark~.)) His eyes are sensitive, okay.

Level 4

You ever had sex with a Minotaur? You ever wanted to?

Will carry you off to a secluded area that he has found for himself. He doesn’t want to be disturbed.

The longer you go with him, the hotter his body feels. Just like when he feeds, he’ll have steam coming off his body.

Most likely to hump your leg.

Belphegor

Level 3

He enjoys you being uncomfortable. Emotionally or physically.

Sleep paralysis demon. Hey, at least you won’t be doing most of the work.

He’ll quietly hum a lullaby to you to see if you’ll accept his intimacy proposal. If you hum back, you accept. Careful, he might hum your favorite song.

His wool is so soft. Why is it so soft? You need to touch all of it.

Level 4

If you’re not banging irl, you will in your dreams.

You ever wanted to have sex in space? He can make the best magic Galaxy projector you’ve ever seen, and without the paid promotion!

His wool smells of soothing herbs and incense. So despite his creepy ass behavior, you find a way to calm your nerves.

You’ll have the best sleep you’ve ever had afterwards.

#obey me #obey me headcanons #monster boyfriend #nsft

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books-and-catears · 3 years

Text

My Seven Sins: The Possesive type

Tagging as requested: @humans-are-weird-by-an-alien @greenlit-mess @satans-favorit3 @candymeowz @jiminslajibolala @yukihaie @s0ggycerea1 @beelsmeal @ninefuckingoneone

Envy! MC: *casually wrapped around Levi's arm and watching him play*

Levi: *struggling to focus, losing the same level over and over*

Envy! MC: Is this level really that hard? You replayed it 13 times already.

Levi: Well yes! I guess it is that hard! Just be patient, okay!

Lust! MC: Looks like the level's not the only thing that's hard.

Asmo: I absolutely agree.

Envy! MC: *puts a hand over Levi's pants* Don't look at him down there! It's not for your eyes!

Levi: *nosebleed* MC- y-your hand!

Lust! MC: Jesus possesive much? Noone is preying on Levi while you're there Envy, chill out.

Asmo: Oh dear, Levi is about to explode. Maybe touch him in private instead MC?

Envy! MC: Oh. Sorry about that. *cuddles up even closer* Right then back to the game.

Levi: *Levi.exe malfunctioning*

Levi: Are you absolutely positively sure there's noone else they'll listen to?!

Wrath! MC: Trust me, I know me well. Envy's going to shut everyone else out. But they'll listen to you cause well you are the only one who can understand.

Levi: .... Understood. I'm going in. *Knocks on door*

Envy!MC: Who is it?

Levi: It's me, MC. It's Levi.

*the door sways open on its own*

Levi: You enchanted the door?

Envy! MC: Yes it only opens by your name said in your voice.

Levi: *blushes*

Envy! MC: So what's up?

Levi: MC, you've locked yourself up in here for more than 5 hours. What's wrong?

Envy! MC: Ruri or me?

Levi: .... WHAT

Envy! MC: Who do you like more: Ruri or me?

Levi: I- I can't- I don't know how to answer that!

Envy! MC: It's okay. I know the answer. Thank you for being honest Levi. You can leave now thanks.

Levi: ...you look like you're going to cry. I can't leave.

Envy! MC: I'm fine. I should have known. I think I did know but I chose to ignore it. Whatever it doesn't matter now. I'm just a stupid Normie ain't I?

Levi: ....

Envy! MC: I'm just a stupid Normie with a stupid crush. Whatever it's not like I had a chance with you anyway right? I can't possibly compare to 2D- mmph!?

Levi: *grabbing and kissing them*

Envy! MC: *blushing furiously but pulling Levi closer*

Levi: I know it's not like me, but I can take the lead too sometimes okay?

Envy! MC: *MC.exe malfunctioning*

Levi: I can't believe all this time you were teaching me not to hate myself and yet you hated yourself too.

Envy! MC: Well I'm just a powerless human and your the Admiral of Navy.

Levi: Did you forget that all the 7 pacts make you as powerful as Solomon?

Envy! MC: What does it matter? You'd rather have Ruri won't you?

Levi: *laughs*

Envy! MC: See now you're laughing at me.

Levi: *blushes* No it's just that... I could never dream of someone like you competing over me. That to with a 2D character. It's so cute I'm losing my mind!

Levi: Jealous MC is so cute. *Leans in to kiss them again*

Envy! MC: Ah jeez w-wait! I'm not used to you being ASSERTIVE!

Levi: Me neither. But if it's with you, I feel like I can let loose. I love you afterall, MC. And I know you do too. And Ruri won't come between that, silly. Come closer, let me show you.

Envy! MC: *passed out with a nosebleed*

Satan: I gotta say it feels weird hearing Levi talk like this.

Asmo: Exactly! Our cute nervous brother! How did he become so smooth?

Wrath! MC: Shoujo manga. He's been reading that genre religiously lately.

Lust! MC: Ah lucky other me in there. I always thought confident Levi would be a pretty ruthless Top.

#obey me #obey me levi #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me Asmo #obey me fluff #obey me shall we date

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cringesideblog · 3 years

Text

here’s my dnf playlist and a complete song by song track-list and why I put them on it.

heatwaves- on here for very obvious reasons. i don’t think I need to explain. but here are some lyrics anyway. “Sometimes all I think about is you, late nights in the middle of June.”

Jenny- again this is kinda obvious. “I wanna ruin our friendship, we should be lovers instead, I don’t know how to say this, cuz you’re really my dearest friend.”

TALK ME DOWN- this one just has the best friends pining for eachother vibe. “I wanna sleep next to you, and that’s all I wanna do right now.”

Dark paradise- kinda has dream smp vibes. but also you could argue heatwaves vibes. “Everytime I close my eyes, it’s like a dark paradise.” “There’s no relief, I see you in my sleep.” “There’s no release, I feel you in my dreams.”

Sweater weather- yeah you know why. you absolutely know why. “All I am is a man, I want the world in my hands. I hate the beach but I stand, in California with my toes in the sand.”

Drop the Guillotine- idk man just vibey. give it a listen you’ll get it. it’ll click. “You sure know how to drop that guillotine on me, though you would never wanna see me bleed.”

Can I call you tonight?- thats on their only for of communication being through the phone huh. (major heatwaves vibe) “powers out and I can’t turn the fan on, so can I call you tonight? trying make up my mind, just how I feel.”-“I hear your voice on the phone, now I’m no longer alone.”

Lemon boy- oh my god this song. geogre do be seeing dream as his lemon boy. “I helped him plant his seeds and we’d mow the lawn in bad weather.”

Yellow- DREAM IS LITERALLY GEORGES YELLOW SHUT UP RIGHT NOW. “Look at the stars, look how they shine for you.” “For you I’d bleed myself dry.”

Like you do- first of all I love this song, second, this has dream being a little too attached vibes. The whole song is just them. “Lost in the blue, they don’t love me like you do, those chills that I knew they were nothing without you, and everyone else they don’t matter now. You’re the one I can’t lose, no one loves me like you do.” “Since I met you, all the gloomy days just seem to shine a little more brightly.”

I saw you in a dream- mega heatwaves vibe. “When I’m awake I can’t switch off,” “I saw you in a dream, you came to me. You were the sweetest apparition, such a pretty vision.”

Maybe you’re the reason- did someone say pining best friend who doesn’t know that they’re in love ? this song. this song right here. “I keep looking for something, even though I know that it’s not there. Maybe you’re the reason. And anytime I try to figure it out, you’re the only thing I can think about.”

The king- DREAM SMP VIBE. “You like me, well obviously, so why you tryna leave when you know that I’m the king?” “Other lovers give you no luck, cuz I’m the only one who’s made you fall in love.” “Playing with your heart cuz you gave me the throne.”

Sweet- an adorable song truly that actually fits them so well. “Watching the, video that you sent me- you know that I’m obsessed with your body, but it’s the way you smile that does it for me.” “It’s so sweet, knowing that you love me.”

Apocalypse- um okay here me out, apocalypse au?? yeah i know it’s cute as shit you’re welcome. “Your lips my lips, apocalypse.” “When you’re all alone, I will reach for you, when you’re feeling low, I will be there too.”

Fear of the Water- don’t come for me this ones kinda sad, beautiful song though. “If this was meant for me why does it hurt so much, and if you’re not made for me why did we fall in love?”

Dreaming of you- two words, heat. waves. but also yeah good song for them in general. “Want you all the time, and now I’m dreaming, dreaming, dreaming, dreaming of you.”

Wires- uhhhhh dream smp vibe, dream villain arc n all . “If he said help me kill the president, id say he needs medicine.” “He said that I should take it in, listen to every word he’s speaking.”

Midnight love- it’s girl in love so, you already know how it issss. “I know I don’t want to, be the one that you run to, when you’ve got nowhere else to go, when you need some love.” “I always give in to give you it all.” “I can’t be your midnight love, when your silver is my gold.”

The beach- SUCH A HEATWAVES SONG JUST LISTEN. “I feel it burning me, I feel it burning you.” “I think I can see the beach, I know what’s underneath. I need you here with me,”

Cherry flavored- the neighborhood just.. they have a dnf vibe. “Cherry flavored conversations with you got me hanging on. Down to earth from all the waiting. Take me somewhere beyond.”

Pretty boy- geogre is a pretty boy. point blank period. “Even if my heart stops beating, you’re the only thing I need with me.” “Pretty boy, you did this with me boy.” “As long as I got you, I’m gonna be alright.”

Bad idea- girl in reddd... but like imagine them casually hooking up and not knowing their in love tho. also I feel like they would definitely think that their relationship is a “bad idea” bc they’re stupid. “It was a bad idea, to think I could stop, was such a bad idea, I can’t get enough.” “Darling your so pretty it hurts.”

Line without a hook- ICONIC!! dream definitely does not think that he deserves george. “You can hold my hand if no ones home.” “All my emotions feel like explosions when you are around” “Oh baby I am a wreck without you.” “She’s a, she’s a lady, and I am just a boy. She’s a, she’s a lady, and I am just a line without a hook.”

Say you hate me- mega dream smp vibes as of recently. with the whole removing geogre as king. “I guess that your friends where right, from the start when they thought that I was a bad guy.” “Can you just say that you hate me? Or that you will never love me?” “Never meant to make you leave, never meant to make you cry.”

Cherry bomb- reminds me of how dream cheated on fundy with geogre. “I’m too close to crushing, and I’m too close for comfort I’m rushing.” “I ask how shes so mellow, she tells me her shades are in yellow.”

This side of paradise- I mean, like, kinda heatwaves vibes, but also just them. “Ask me why my hearts inside my throat. I’ve never been in love I’ve been alone.” “If you’re lonley come be lonley with me.”

Linger- geogre literally has that boy wrapped around his finger and I can’t not see it in this song. But when you look into it HELLA dream smp vibes, lyrics can be switched for either perspective here. “You know I’m such a fool for you, you got me wrapped around your finger.” “I thought the world of you, I thought nothing could go wrong, but I was wrong,”

august- i don’t know what is but this song is for them. it just is. “To live for the hope of it all. Cancel plans just in case you'd call” “So much for summer love, and saying “Us” Cause you weren't mine to lose”

I was an island- i just love the idea of them being hardasses and not thinking they need anyone until the other comes into their life and rocks their world. kinda dream smp vibes “I was a fighter, and I was so brave, but I lowered my sword when you held me and swore you’d stay.” “I was a wolf, dear, apart from the pac But you answered my cries in the dead of the night and told me that you had my back,”

Golden- k this one feeds into the “you’re literally the sun in my sky I’m not worthy” feel “I know you were way too bright for me I'm hopeless, broken” “I know that you're scared Because hearts get broken” “I can feel you take control Of who I am and all I've ever known Loving you's the antidote”

Strong- ummm okay but the “we’re better together” dynamic is them “I’m sorry if I say I need ya, but I don’t care I’m not scared of love.” “when I’m not with you I’m weaker is that so wrong? Is it so wrong, that you make me strong.”

Fly out west- the whole, I need to see you, you’re all I think about, stuff gets me. also heatwaves vibe. “Well tell me do you know? You’re all I dream about. Take it from me I’m too dumb to recognize your doubt.”

Cruel summer- them and summer, you dig? “I don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you.” “I love you and that the worst thing you ever heard?”

Nothings gonna hurt you baby- I put this one on here because of how protective dream is over geogre “Nothing’s gonna hurt you baby, as long as your with me you’ll be just fine. Nothings gonna hurt you baby, nothings gonna take you from my side.”

Cardigan- young love, the kind of lover that makes you feel like you are the most important thing in the world to them “when you are young they assume you know nothing, but I knew you-“ “and when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone’s bed, you put me on and said I was your favorite.”

Cry baby- them being in that weird stage where they recognize that it might be more than just senseless flirting and they might have feelings but also being paranoid that they’re the only one with feelings uh- “I can taste it my hearts breaking, please don’t say it. That you know, when you know.” “I know I’ll fall in love with you baby, but that’s not what I wanna do baby.”

Speak now- literally the fundy dream wedding. i rest my case. “I hear the preacher say speak no or forever hold your peace.” “Dont say yes runaway now.”

I love you so- this song is cute on the surface but kinda sad once you look into it. it’s kinda about a codependent love that isn’t going well. “I gotta get away and let you go I gotta get over, but I love you so.” “You were cool and I’m a fool so please let me go.”

In conclusion I’d really appreciate if you could check it out :) <3

#haha playlist go brr #Please I beg of you go send it some love it genuinely think that all the songs fit them so well #also this might get updated as I listen to more music and discover new songs that fit them #but please #pleaseeee #go like it :)#that would be nice of u <333 #dreamnotfound #georgenotfound #dreamwastaken #dnf #Spotify #heatwaves

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thewanderingace · 2 years

Text

Hawkeye Episode 4 Reactions

Summary: AAAAHHHHHHHH!!! 😭😭😭😭

Once again massive spoilers under the cut

I have once again stayed up until 3am because I am incapable of waiting til later to watch the new episode. They hype continues to be strong and I cannot contain myself

This awkward tea with Clint, Kate, Jack, and Eleanor is hysterical.

And now I'm sad because Eleanor is talking about losing people and she's mentioned both Natasha and his family and NOPE! YOURE GONNA MAKE ME CRY!! Clint is doing this BECAUSE HE DOESNT WANT KATE OR HIS FAMILY TO GET HURT!!!

Lol I knew he grabbed the Ronin sword. Noice.

LAURA IS THE BEST PERSON AND WIFE AND SHE AND CLINT ARE COUPLE GOALS!!! God I just love how much they communicate with each other and understand and love each other. Laura being not only 1000% supportive but offering insights and ways to help. I mean Laura can tell how tired and pained he feels just through the one call and she tells him to ice and rest and I'M DYING. I love her. I love them. If Clint doesnt make it home for Christmas I'm gonna sob.

Kate's face when Eleanor and Jack talk about how being with family is the most important part of the holiday. She's thinking of Clint and how he's alone and away from his family because of her and AHHH 😭😭

LOL CLINT! FROZEN MARGARITA MIXES FOR ICE PACKS!! I love my disaster son.

Kate came over to keep Clint company and she brought pizza and decorations and sweaters and movies cause it's movie night and lord someone send me help because I think I'm going into cardiac arrest.

THIS IS EVERYTHING TO ME!! EVERYTHING!! THIS WHOLE MONTAGE OF KATE AND CLINT BONDING!!! I'M GONNA CRY! Brief planning session where nothing gets done and Kate uses permanent marker on a poster, Clint put on the grumpy cat sweater and looked at the movies she brought, BOOMERANG ARROWS!!!, Clint smiling and laughing 😭👍, them decorating the tree together while talking about splitting and arrow like Robin Hood, Clint teaching Kate the trick shot with the coin,

OOOH NO! Oh no. And now I'm 100% crying for real. Shit. He told Kate about how he met Nat 😭

"Best shot you ever took?" "The one I didn't take"

"When you do what I did for a living its just a game of managing loss"

OH NO KNOW HE'S THINKING ABOUT HIS FAMILY AND KATE ASKED IF HE LOST THEM DURING THE BLIP AND THE SHEER GRIEF ON HIS FACE IS DESTROYING ME

MANAGING LOSS OH MY GOD

"God that must have been devastating" "yeah you have no idea." SOMEBODY SEDATE ME

OH GOD FUCK NOW SHE KNOWS HE'S RONIN!

AND CLINT IS SAYING HE'S A WEAPON AND A KILLER AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN AND I'M GONNA DIE

Clint thanks Kate for coming over and what she did for him and I'm crying now thanks.

WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHY YOU GOTTA GO FOR ME LIKE THAT HAWKEYE WITH THE FLASHBACKS AND THE SEEING NAT DIE AGAIN AND HIS FAMILY POST ENDGAME AND NAT DYING I CANNOT TAKE THIS MY HEART CANNOT TAKE THIS

The Clint angst in this show may just be the end of me. For real.

The shirt!!!!! Kate is wearing the shirt!!!! This one!!!

The larpers are back!! I love that!!

OMG THEYRE ALL IN THE APARTMENT JUST CHILLING OUT!! Grills made snickerdoodles and Kate is trying on their costumes and OH MY GOD SHE IS GONNA COMMISSION THEM TO MAKE THEIR COSTUMES RIGHT!? SHE IS!! THAT'S WHERE THEY COME FROM!!! I LOOOOVE THAT!!!

I love that so much. Hawkeye Squared and the Guild. I love them.

Is Eleanor perhaps working for/with Valentina Allegra De'Fontaine and she told her about Clint which is how yelena finds him!? She shady. I got a theory.

WHAT IS THIS WATCH AND WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT! WHAT AM I MISSING! Was it Nats? Was it his? What does it mean!?!?

Every time Kate just ignores Clint and does whatever she wants I laugh so damm hard. I love her. This whole with the guy and the elevator ride and the face she makes when she tells him she's talking to an avengers. It's so funny.

Okay so the watch belongs to a friend? WHO!? WHY DO THE TRACKSUITS WANT IT!?!? And Laura knows all about it too. It cant be Nats because he said if they find it they find his friend then no more friend. So who's watch is it!?!?

WAIT COULD IT BE LAURA'S!? IDK OKAY IM JUST CONFUSED! MAYBE SHE WAS SHIELD AGENT WHEN THEY FIRST MET!

OH SHIT ITS MAYAS APARTMENT!!!

YELENA!?!?!??! IS THAT YELENA!!!! IT'S YELENA OH MY GOD CALM DOWN EVERYONE CALM DOWN SHE'S HERE!!!!

HOLY SHIT THEY HAVE TO FIGHT BOTH MAYA AND YELENA!??! Damn Clint you have your work cut out for you!

STOP!!! MY HEART!!! Yelena just shocked Kate off the roof and I swear I could SEE Clints soul leave his body. You know that man is flashing back to Nataha right now. I mean he reached down to catch her just like with Nat!! And god Kate is just hanging there and Clint was so afraid she was dead that he just cuts her loose and tells her to leave BECAUSE HE WANT TO KEEP HER SAFE AND THINGS HAVE ESCALATED TOO FAR AND ITS TOO DANGEROUS AND SHE ALMOST JUST DIED RIGHT NOW!!

Clint is holding up against Yelena and I'm impressed. You know it's because of Nat though. He knows her Black Widow fighting style too well.

Maya just nopeing the fuck out of there lol

YELENA!!! HI!!!

KATE WHY DID YOU HESTIATE!?!?! Not that I wanted you to shoot her but why did you let her escape when she shook her head at you!? I mean you shot Maya in the arm so you clearly don't have a problem with it.

Clint looks so fucking tired and defeated I just want to hug the stuffing out of him. He sends Kate away because this shit is serious and it just got really bad and he can't lose her too. He's come to care about her and he almost lost her and he CAN'T do that again. FUCK ME

I'm crying. I cried so many times. THIS SHOW IS THE BEST AND I'M DYING! Every week the episode ends way too soon because enjoying it so damn much. BUT WAITING A WEEK FOR THE NEXT EPISODE IS KILLING ME! But I also I love the wait bevause we can theorize and question and analyze it all one episode at a time. I love that.

Anyway I'm dead 1,000 times over and I'm gonna go scream so more and then watch it all over again.

Also sidenote but all the comic references in this show have me LIVING!!!

#hawkeye spoilers #hawkeye #hawkeye series #hawkeye show #hawkeye 1x04 #marvel #stephs stuff #my reactions #spoilers

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seyaryminamoto · 3 years

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my school works are piled up this past few weeks (graduating tingz) and i just started reading the deadlock novel it feels like i'm reading a sokkla fic every time Mcashe has a scene because they just give off the vibes skskskskksksks. BTW, what's your top5 fav scenes from the novel? PS: I'm smiling like an idiot while reading the novel ughh i hate myself

I KNOW, RIIIIIGHT?! *-* and don't hate yourself, my anon friend, I spent the whole novel smiling and laughing and losing my goddamn mind because I was having the time of my life xD enjoy this beautiful content as best you can!

I mean, frankly, Reunion already had all the Sokkla vibes I could've wanted/needed to ship these two like FedEx and I always knew I wasn't getting off this ride anytime soon. But gosh, this book... it gave me everything I wanted and MORE! Their dynamics are soooo similar to Sokkla team-up dynamics, two power couples kicking ass and taking names... oh, I just love it so much. I probably will end up reading the book a third time soon x'D

As for my favorite scenes, damn, this is tricky xD

KEYCHAIN! HE MADE HER KEYCHAIN!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! God, it's just amazing how the book explains the "vintage" look for Ashe's hoverbike the way it does, and that they literally built it together *screams!!!*, but then he gives her that keychain for her birthday present, and the implications!! THE IMPLICATIONS!!! He gave her a keychain she's held onto for TWENTY YEARS?!?!?! Ships in the OW fandom have sailed far and wide with less than breadcrumbs: we literally have been granted a boon from the GODS with all this extra context for the little things in Reunion xD

Ashe going to hell and back to save her kidnapped BFF-for-whom-she-totally-doesn't-have-feelings-yeah-yeah-sure-Jan. I love the fact that McCree is, in a way, Ashe's damsel in distress and not the other way around xD Of course, it's what you'd expect from an Ashe-centric story, but it's still an amazing sequence, all around. Gotta highlight how she loves the way he smiles like a madman when they have that shootout at the end, and how he worries so much over Ashe's injury when he took an even worse one than she did (the Sokkla vibes in that particular situation were SO STRONG! I SWEAR!).

"Jesse McCree, are you trying to make me say you're handsome?" "Am I?" ... do I need to say more. That FLIRTING. These two were on fire already and they'd only known each other for like... weeks, at this point? x'D He has no sense of moderation, he's soooo into her and doesn't hide it at all. Ashe is so busy trying to plot all the crime and Jesse's practically like a shojo heroine, "oh I can feel it, this is how my love story begins!", basically xD

Finally I pick a not-McAshe scene... to bring up the one where Ashe picks up the Viper on her last moment in Lead Rose Manor. That moment was just... POWERFUL. The feeling of epicness in that scene just overwhelmed me when I was reading it xD

The ending of the book :'D the fully formed Deadlock Gang ready for business, down to the explanation for the Est. 1976 in the logo... *sobs* the fact that so much about the character design choices in these two characters is a shoutout to the past they share is just... *gross sobbing* oh, I just love it to pieces, I'm not even sorry.

Ashe's bike race to save B.O.B. x'D that whole situation was bonkers but I looooved how fierce she was about protecting her one and only buddy while growing up (AND THAT JESSE BLUSHED WHEN SHE TAUNTED HIM WAS JUST THE CHERRY ON TOP!). I appreciated learning more about the Omnic War and its consequences, how Ashe reflects on having escaped it practically untouched in virtue of her money and societal privilege while her new friends all faced many hardships to survive. But I can't help but also love that, however uneasy others could have been about the Best Omnic Butler, Ashe was so fiercely loyal to B.O.B. that she nearly broke Julian's nose herself over his ridiculousness x'D That's HER big omnic buddy and she's not about to lose him to anyone, not her shitty parents, not a bet in a race, NOTHING! (and it's so cute that B.O.B. is just as loyal to her, too *sobs*)

Ashe grabbing McCree's arm to explain things to him on their first heist and him being all "you gonna leave that there?" and only then does she realize her hand's still on him x'D what a McCree line, and he was absolutely enjoying the attention, he doesn't even pretend otherwise.

Everything poetic McCree says or does... meanwhile Ashe's like "um yeah I don't care about poetry I want money", right until his poet soul totally smashes her square in the heart with the KEYCHAIN!!! But damn, I swear I thought McCree would hold back a lot more, and yet there he was, saying things like Calamity was brilliant and mysterious... you could practically hear B.O.B., Julian and Frankie going "I can see what's happening..." in the background xD

The conversation about what they wanted to do once they were loaded with all the cash they could possibly want. That one was a real number on my heartstrings. It ties up to what I said earlier with Ashe finally being in touch with people who are completely removed from the ridiculous social circles of her parents and her school, people who really lost a lot in the war. But where Julian and Frankie seem to look at the past a lot, I loved that Jesse is basically just thinking about the future. The fact that he says he wants to chill out in a farm and that this is what he wants in life... many, MANY, shippy wheels have turned in my head since I read that <.< maaaany...

WHEN JESSE NEARLY FALLS AND ASHE CATCHES HIM!!! UNDERRRATED AS HECK!!! The fact that he's taunting her about fear of heights, then he nearly plummets to his death because ironies are beautiful xD and Ashe pulls him back to safety only to say that she's not afraid of heights but afraid of ~FALLING~??? I mean, okay, sure, maybe I'm reading too much into that line... or maybe I'm not <.< either way, the truth is I just love how absolutely broad of interpretation that scene and that DIALOGUE are :> ehehehe.

Oh, their first encounter. The fact that it's so cute and fun, and that it's this low in the list tells you how GOOD this book was x'D "You've got an awful lot of grit for a rich girl," first words he spoke to the love of his life xD then how they talked and laughed together about the crazy stories he shared (she was crying of laughter for the first time in her life! precious girl!), and then how she sat in the car thinking about the strange feeling she was left with after meeting him... they seriously had a meetcute in prison, how can a ship get any better? xD

WHEN HE COMES BACK TO HER WHEN THEIR FIRST HEIST GOES WRONG!!! That Ashe expects him to just leave after she falls off their getaway vehicle, but Jesse saves her and goes "pfft that's just not my style", basically... *sobs* without realizing it she ends up picking up that particular philosophy of his, saving her friends no matter the cost...! Honestly, though, the fact that every time something like this happens it hits Ashe like a truck racing downhill with no brakes because she's NEVER been cared about by anyone but B.O.B. and she's completely new to friendships and bonding with people... and in the mean time, Jesse immediately is "ride or die" with her because that's how he rolls... beautiful relationship dynamics between characters who influence each other for the better are just beautiful :')

A silly one here: Jesse enjoying the good life in Lead Rose. That description of him looking like a marshmallow in the CHAISE LOUNGEEEEE!!! (the one he references in their in-game interactions *CRYING SO MANY TEARS*), was just too cute to bear x'D Ashe just jumping back into work mode... while he was just thrilled to be a marshmallow in a towel xD

... So, um, I went overboard because I love this book a little too much for my own good :> what can I say? When things I love are good, I go wild xD There's probably more scenes I loved, but these... thirteen? XD are the ones that came to mind.

I think one of my favorite things now is reexamining Reunion with all this extra context in mind. The first time I watched that cinematic I, of course, fell in love with these two outlaws because how could I not? But while subsequent rewatches revealed a lot of things I didn't pay enough attention to the first time around, the book has done even more than I could imagine possible for a short that was already as shippy as could be xD

Ooookay so, shippy ramblings about Reunion, coming up! (simply because I have to put these down SOMEWHERE XD and your ask was a good idea for that, anon!)

First off, Jesse very much staged the whole rodeo in Reunion. He sent the tip to Ashe, he wanted Echo's crate specifically. He thought they could work together, basically, despite knowing it was entirely possible that those hopes wouldn't pay off. This train, according to the wikia, was a government train, so Jesse is very much telling Ashe to give a finger to the government for all he cares, all he wants is one (1) crate.

Ergo, Jesse, for all his "nice guy bountyhunter" deal, doesn't disapprove of Deadlock's actions. If anything, he counts on them to be exactly what he needs in order to get what he wants. He practically trusts Ashe to pull off the train heist disaster perfectly and only steps up when it's time to collect Echo.

Then the wacky shoot-out happens, it's veeeery charged (the UST is so thick, I swear...), and Jesse wins. He ties up Ashe, floats her off on the payload with the rest of the gang, and he sets Echo free. He's helping her out very nicely and everything, but the context in question is... he received the recall notification thingy XD Winston called him back to Overwatch, and Jesse...

... Jesse doesn't want to go back.

Jesse says "they want me", and the displeased tone of his voice, paired with the look on his face when he says that line, speak for themselves.

That, in my humble opinion, isn't the sequence of expressions you'd expect from someone who intends to return to the group where he thrived, had the time of his life and found his true calling. To me, he actually looks irritated about the recall (the sequence of expressions during that line is much better when you watch the full thing x'D), as though he REALLY doesn't want to return. He's not against Overwatch, I'm not quite saying that, otherwise he wouldn't have set Echo free and told her to go back at all... but this isn't remorse. It's not "Oh, I'm not good enough for Overwatch anymore". Nope... this is "My time with them is over and I don't plan on going back unless I have no choice", as far as I can tell.

If OW2 does bring him back into the fold and he's a perfectly chill and happy guy about it, I'll seriously be surprised. I mean, he could have set Echo free and, once his business is over, returned to Overwatch with her, he could have been in the Paris cinematic if he'd done that...

But he's not there.

Which outright says he didn't do that :> oops.

Basically, I think Jesse's reaction in Retribution (where he's markedly the most morally correct one of the bunch, and he's the former outlaw :'D) tells you his displeasure with Overwatch ran very, very deep. And someone can very easily say he felt the same way about Deadlock and that's why he left them for Overwatch... but that's conjecture. His displeasure with Blackwatch (and, in consequence, Overwatch), however, is FACT. And the previous conjecture falls flat pretty quickly considering he's perfectly fine with Ashe's train heist, even sets it up himself, from what the story suggests, so... how ~appalled~ was he over her choices and actions? Not appalled at all, if you ask me, and after you read Deadlock Rebels, you actually understand why: Jesse trusts Ashe.

From the first moment she enters the same prison block he's in, he's drawn to her. He wants to impress her, he absolutely enjoys her company and making her laugh (just as much as she enjoyed laughing at his wacky stories), and he's plain thrilled that she comes back for him when she does. Ashe manages the gang with inexperience but she's always willing to improve, and you see Jesse sticking with her through thick and thin, supporting her at the best and worst times alike, always putting his faith on her and constantly watching out for her (he protected and shielded her from attacks with his own body sooooo many times *sobs*). Ashe starts out intending to keep most profits for herself, and Jesse doesn't care much at first... but then she starts to share profit equally between their team. She works on her own bike herself, her own ride, and she plans and solves problems as best she can, to a point of even going overboard with planning too much. She's wild, reckless and takes insane risks... and this guy loves every second of it. The matter of morality regarding the actions of a criminal gang is, of course, something to think about... but as far as the book goes, Ashe mainly targets her own family, their specific brand of bullshit, and in the process she ends up helping lots of people and even saving lives that might not have been saved otherwise. I'm not going to put my hand on the fire here and say Deadlock never ever did anything absolutely wrong to people who didn't deserve it... but for a criminal gang? They're honestly the most wholesome one the OW team could have come up with, if you ask me.

So where you see Jesse is very much antagonistic with Reaper/Reyes, where he loses his temper with the guy's choices, he doesn't ever do that with Ashe. Overwatch ARE supposed to be the good guys... so how weird that Jesse McCree, reformed outlaw, ends up so disappointed with these guys when he was actually thrilled with Ashe's managing of their gang, as far as we saw. So much so that, when it came down to it, Jesse McCree, 20 years later, still counts on Ashe to give him a hand (without her full awareness) with a little operation to help out an old friend of his. Also worth pointing out: he doesn't want to fight at all, while Ashe, of course, does. Deadlock for life, is what Jesse said... and he's not Deadlock anymore, hasn't been for who knows how long. Worse yet... his tattooed arm is gone. It's like all his ties to Deadlock have been severed.

And even so, he came to Ashe and hoped she wouldn't want a shootout with him. Even when he knows she might be beyond unforgiving because of the betrayal (he has seen directly how outraged she was about a certain someone betraying her in the book...), Jesse goes back anyway and hopes it won't come to this.

THE IMPLICATIONS, MAN!!!

Carrying on: Echo is surprised that Jesse shows no intentions of going back to Overwatch. She asks him what he's going to do... and what does Jesse say?

He puts his cowboy hat back on (the symbolism in this short, I swear...), and when she asks him what he's going to do, he tells her "I've got some business to attend to."

THE MUSIC PICKS UP.

AND THEN HE CLIMBS ON THE BIKE HE BUILT WITH ASHE.

YOU GET A DELIBERATE CLOSE-UP TO THE KEYCHAIN.

THEN THE CAMERA PANS UP TO FOCUS ON THE PICTURE, TORN AND TAPED BACK TOGETHER, THAT ASHE CARRIES ON THIS BIKE, A BIKE WHICH, LET'S BE REAL, IS BASICALLY A MCASHE BABY CHOPPER/HOVERBIKE HYBRID, AND AS SHE PUTS IT LATER, IS...

HER

BIKE!!!

When Jesse says he has business to attend to, he could pick up any bike he wants (since it'd stand to reason that the other guys Ashe came in with would have bikes of their own). He could escape on horseback for all we know xD so there are lots of options... but no. He takes HERS. Right after saying he has "business to attend to".

Look, I could be wrong. I could be dead wrong. I can absolutely be digging around and going INSANE because nothing I ship EVER gets this much content.

But we literally get a guy saying he has "business" to take care of, and the cinematic focuses exclusively on elements that, even BEFORE Deadlock Rebels, all point towards Ashe?! You could easily say that taking her bike is just the final nail on the coffin, his last trolling idea to mess with his one true love... but that picture is right there. That picture, with them in their youth. The picture, btw, was bigger than just them: B.O.B.'s hand is there. The top of the picture is uneven, suggesting Ashe probably tore it to shreds in a fit of rage... and then specifically put together THEIR PART. And then she taped that to her bike's dashboard. Meaning, she carries the goddamn memory of Jesse with her EVERYWHERE SHE GOES. And she does it WILLINGLY.

Which, in turn, answers why Jesse expects MAYBE Ashe wouldn't go full-on hostile when they meet: this trolling cowboy knows exactly what he means to Ashe. He's not surprised when he sees that picture on the bike. He doesn't toss it away, which he could have, if he were saying "we are history now, forget it gurl" (and let's be honest, what a dick move that would have been @_@), he doesn't flinch after noticing and then goes "yeah, no, I'm picking another bike".

NOPE. The familiarity with which they talk, the way he hopes she'll just let him walk away, the fact that she DIDN'T change the keychain and bike in all those years and he's not even SURPRISED...

Jesse knows how much she loves him, point-blank. He's completely aware of it... and he's very much okay with it.

So much so... that I'm something of a 90% sure that the business he intends to deal with is ASHE HERSELF.

And no, I don't mean he's going to go on another shootout with her... I mean, evidently, that Jesse wants to come home. That he's tried the life of Overwatch, and he's decided to leave it behind. He's turned bountyhunter now, vigilante, pretty much... but he comes back to Ashe all the same. He's come back for the first time in who knows how long (going by Ashe's expressions and sarcasm with the "you promised you'd write" line, it miiiiiiight be they haven't seen each other since he got recruited into Blackwatch), and he expected a peaceful encounter, no less.

A good question to ask here is... what did Jesse hope would happen, if the encounter HAD been peaceful? He would've released Echo, sent her away to her business, and stayed behind anyway because he had business to deal with. Which business? :'D why... the business that would've been standing right in front of him.

There's no other, logical reason why this cinematic would put Ashe and McCree's picture into focus right when McCree says what he does to Echo. There's no other reasonable choice why McCree would turn his back on Overwatch quite so firmly. We know he had two important ties in his life: Overwatch and Deadlock. And Overwatch stole him away from Deadlock for a VERY long time. Well over half the time Deadlock has been in operations, as far as I can tell. He picked Overwatch over Deadlock once before... and now, it seems he's picking Deadlock over Overwatch instead :')

The follow-up short, Roadtrip, doesn't do anything to change my mind. The trolling jerk, Jesse McCree, hovers past Ashe's payload, where she's just... complaining, as she hovers xD going by what I know of the game and that map, the payload may just be en route to the gang's hideout, so that, I'd say, could explain why she hasn't climbed off it or escaped in any way (which she reasonably would have, if Jesse was trying to, I don't know, send her and her people to the authorities).

My point here is, however, that Jesse is headed the same way the payload is. If his destination is the same one, he'll beat it there for sure. Maybe, yes, he'll go away and drive well past the hideout... but maybe that's exactly where he intended to go.

Maybe, in the end, Reunion is about a man who's finally coming home :D

In addition, goes without saying, Ashe's rant about how everyone falls to pieces over Jesse showing his "stupid mug" (uh-huh, stupid, ANGELIC mug, we know what you really think, girl xD) ends with her saying she should have "put a bullet in him the minute he showed up".

Which begs the question of why didn't she.

Then, of course, she says she hates McCree when he drives past her while listening to some really ridiculous honky-tonky-sounding music x'D I cannot even help but imagine him deliberately picking that radio station or whatever it was just to annoy Ashe when he drove beside her, and so that she can get extra pissed when she retrieves her beloved bike, turns on the music and it's just more honky-tonky stuff x'D but anyway, the thing is she shouts after him, tells him that's her bike and says she hates him. B.O.B. wordlessly speaks for us McAshe shippers by giving Ashe the most "sure, Jan" side-eye in the history of side-eyes, and Ashe notices and is outraged enough to knock B.O.B.'s little hat right off his head again.

Again... this is renowned outlaw Elizabeth Caledonia "Calamity" Ashe, sitting on a payload, groaning about the guy she once very much had feelings for (and that doesn't even begin to cut it, if you ask me x'D) and for whom she tooooootally doesn't anymore, that picture on her bike doesn't MEAN that, OBVIOUSLYYYY!!, and so, she sits up, complains and doesn't do much of anything to get out of her current situation, right? :>

So, summing up my current understanding of EVERYTHING, thanks to Deadlock Rebels and my obsessive rewatches of Reunion + Roadtrip:

Jesse deliberately sought out Ashe so she would indirectly, unknowingly, help him set Echo free from the government's clutches.

Jesse hoped for a peaceful encounter despite knowing he might not get one.

Jesse has no intentions of returning to Overwatch but was willing to perform one final act of service for them by releasing Echo so she'd go give Winston and co. a hand.

Jesse is NOT surprised to see that Ashe: 1. Didn't change bikes at some point in the twenty years since they built it. 2. Didn't swap the ignition key for a button, the way she says she thought to do it in the novel until he gives her the keychain. 3. KEPT THE POETIC AF KEYCHAIN, despite resenting Jesse for his betrayal. 4. KEEPS A PICTURE OF THEM IN THEIR YOUNGER YEARS PASTED ON HER BIKE'S DASHBOARD.

Jesse claims he has business to deal with: he doesn't clarify said business verbally, but every shot after he says those words focuses on elements related to Ashe... and then, along with the novel's context, it's elements related to their BOND. Everything in that shot, EVERYTHING, is connected to the two of them. Elements that weren't shown before or during their shootout, and that are only introduced in that final moment when McCree is off to deal with his "business".

Ashe doesn't climb off the payload or stops it (which, going by how McCree simply pressed a button, and Ashe isn't immobilized in the least, she easily could have done it too if she had wanted to). Suggesting that, wherever the payload is heading, it isn't anywhere dangerous for Ashe and her crew, ergo, she is 100% sure McCree isn't trying to screw her over by turning her in to the authorities or so (or, at worst, she's completely confident that, even if he is going to do this, she'll be able to get out of it easily).

Jesse drives in the same direction the payload is headed. Another hint that suggests he might intend to head to the Deadlock hideout and that, whatever business he has left to deal with, it involves them.

If his intent ISN'T to go to the hideout... Jesse is still guaranteeing that Ashe will come after him by stealing her bike, the 18th birthday gift he gave her, and the picture she keeps of them. That he takes that very bike practically serves as painting a target on his back for her to hunt down, and he KNOWS IT.

In short: Jesse will have plenty of business with the Deadlock Gang in his future, and going by how pleased he seems to be when riding the bike, he's perfectly happy to handle that business on his terms, whenever he wants to handle it.

Extra tidbit: there's nothing in Deadlock Rebels about Jesse's smoking habit, something he definitely did pick up at some point while in the gang because, hahaha, he IS smoking in the picture Ashe keeps of him :> Which makes me wonder why, of all pictures Ashe chooses to keep on her bike's dashboard, she picks one where he's smoking.

Then, it makes me wonder about the fact that Jesse deliberately starts smoking when he's standing right in front of her (and then he winks at her!). He tosses that cigar after things get kind of dangerous for him because B.O.B. does something, and then... then he goes back to smoking.

RIGHT WHEN HE'S CLIMBING ON THE BIKE.

Like... seriously...

*unintelligible fangirl screaming*

I could be looking too deeply into this. I know I could be. Maybe Blizzard just wants me to go CRAZY with little symbolism and hints charged with SO MUCH MEANING that maybe don't have as much meaning as I thought it did...

... But man, I've sailed into the depths of the shippiest oceans for many ships that have gotten actual breadcrumbs from canon. I've gone wild over ships that have zero opportunity to become a thing in canon continuity. I've written a nearly 3M words story based on a ship that is just UNEXPLORED AMAZING POTENTIAL and ngl, I love exploring it myself, so I don't even begrudge canon that much for not giving it to me anymore.

But the fact is, no ship in OW, as far as I've seen, has remotely as much content, hints and strong ties as McAshe does -- at least, no ships between heroes. We had a cinematic that was CHARGED with significance, with little gestures, with even the smallest facial expressions that carried soooo much more meaning than whole episodes or even seasons in TV shows. And then? We got a novel. A full novel depicting their origins and exploring their dynamics, how tight their friendship was, and how some strong feelings were certainly brewing there, even if neither one was ready to act on them yet (as far as we saw...).

Finally... I'll say I did start working on a Sokkla Western AU ages ago because the idea I had for one was pretty amusing. Then Reunion dropped, and I said "Why would I need to finish that story anymore when the Sokkla Western AU is RIGHT HERE?!"

And that's it, I will stop rambling now because this got insanely long x'D but thank you very very much for giving me this chance to go WILD on everything I can see, within all those canon hints, with these two *-*

#anon #mcashe #the fact that canon is treating me right for once #is blowing my mind and always will #look I can end up crying in a heap when OW2 drops and we find out that nothing I thought of was real #it's entirely possible #... but we already got so much #SOOOOO MUCH #that I can't even say I'd be mad x'D #I am one happy camper on this ship #and I love them to pieces #I wish I had the time/chance to make all the art I've been inspired to about them *cries ten rivers*#one day... one day

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lilyclawthorne · 3 years

Text

Keeping Up A-fear-ance's Thoughts

I finished writing this shortly after 3 am after watching the new episode like three times because I simply had too much energy about it and I have so many thoughts because I simply live for clawthornes and also I tried to break it up with more photos this time sorry not sorry if it's a lot ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

YOUNG EDA!! let me just say I am quite a fan of opening with a flashback like we've done here and the last episode

"we have never seen a curse like this before" Lilith you had shit luck picking out curses huh

"cut it out if we have to" goddamn Gwen let'a calm the fuck down a bit.

anyways we've only really seen young Eda as a wild and confident and happy little child so I appreciate seeing this side of her with the anxiety and fear she's feeling here. I love seeing what the curse stuff was like for her as a kid

Gwen: I raised a perfectly fine kid

Me: no you didn't look at her she's got anxiety

I'm guessing this is their backyard or just some woods behind their house?? wonder if the portal was placed there by another elder family member.

lmao I can't even begin to imagine what small Eda experiencing the human realm was like for the first time

Gwens giving me "I can't accept that my child is disabled/chronically ill/etc." here. y’know the kinda parent that'll put their kid through hell over something they probably will find a way to learn to live with (which Eda did do)

ok that's it I humbly request to know the story behind the fang now (also the noise she made when she put it in was freaking cute)

new dress! new boots! new dress! new boots!

..yikes that fridge is empty

"calm down the curse acts stronger when you're stressed" Eda do you know who you're talking to here

confirmation losing limbs is in fact a side effect of the curse!! (y'know since Eda originally said it just happens when you get older)

please I love these sisters they're so sweet and make me wanna go 🥺

"suddenly curious about my past" "always. always curious" Luz says exactly what we all think

witchlet?? sweet flea?? she's got pet names for them 🥺 (although idk how much I'd like to be referred to as any kind of flea sorry Lilith)

ok Gwen is very much not close to what I expected and I'm kinda grateful for that

she's more like super caring but still managed to royally fuck up which was my original head canon for clawthorne parents so uh that's cool. but literally, look at their body language, Eda's pissed, Lilith's sad and making herself small. she's clearly messed up with her parenting on both of them along the way.

"who knows what they put in those nasty concoctions?" mama clawthorne would be a fucking anti-vaxxer wouldn't she

ok I side with Eda here more than Luz and Lilith. just because Luz misses her mother, or Lilith hasn’t seen their mom in so long doesn’t mean Eda has to feel all grateful for the presence of Gwen, especially if the woman has caused her a lot of trouble over the years

I feel like the fact that its actually both Lilith and Gwendolyn have spent their whole lives dedicated to trying to find a cure could probably have held some kind of weight on Eda at some point. Even though she shouldn't feel guilty or responsible for that, I still feel like it's gotta suck knowing these people have spent so much time on something you know is likely never gonna happen, all for you.

Lilith 😞 her mother really just didn't pay attention to her all these years

hey if this guy does some next level healing magic then why isn't he more well-known, huh? why’d it take so long to come across him?? Gwen do you know what the fuck you're doing cause I think you don't

Lilith just because you're depressed about your mom doesn't mean you have to bring king down too 😠

SUPER irrelevant but is anyone else just bothered by the way Lilith is holding her spoon?? that doesn't seem like a comfortable way to hold a spoon. also is she left handed??

"knife season came early" EDA WHAT DOES THAT MEAN. is this a boiling isles things or is this a it’s common for people to throw knives at you thing

also I want to be surprised Eda fell for the apple blood signs but I am not 😔

Luz please trust you're gut on this one and not mama clawthorne

ok now I need to know why the fridge was empty but they had 18 cartons of ice cream this is why you guys don't have food you're wasting it all on ice cream.

wow never thought I'd see the day hooty became the voice of reason

also, night market ice cream?? are they implying this ice cream is like, edibles of some sort?? Lilith does seem kinda high here ngl. idk man but at least she wants to stand up for herself so good for her.

PLEASE kings just offering her ice cream while she transforms

"first in a series" Gwen honey oh no. you've been duped. I think we can see where Lilith got her naïveté from huh.

Also, nice snatch Luz 😊

anyways love how this show is basically making fun of moms who refuse to give their kids proper medical treatment or listen to medical professionals here

EXCUSE ME why do we know Gwen's palisman's name before we know Lilith's?????

"I am a mother who'll do anything for her daughter" you're mom who's suffocating obsession with one daughter has left the other neglected and is currently causing her to turn into a full on beast ya dummy

Eda DOES have a right to be upset. it sucks that her own valid emotions that she should get to feel will cause her while body to betray her.

PLEASE I’M SO GLAD LILITH’S BEAST DESIGN LOOKS LIKE HER AND IS NOT THE THING FROM THE TRAILER THAT IS ACTUALLY IN EDA"S HEAD WHEN SHE’S TRANSFORMED

but also why is she SO massive?? also anyone concerned that this is her first transformation and the light glyph trick wouldn't even work??

Gwen look at what you've done, you've fostered feelings of inferiority in one daughter causing her to feel the need for sibling rivalry that the pure instincts of the raven beast cannot suppress no matter how much their sisterly relationship had improved.

HOW COULD YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER ALSO BEING CURSED BE A PART OF THE PROCESS GWEN??

"after Eda was cursed, I joined the beast keeping coven" woah woah WOAH. you're telling me you only joined because of trying to help Eda. that covens existed, before Eda got cursed, and you very much weren't a part of one. combine that with "some words for belos" she has and do I smell wild witch theory still plausible???

anyways at least mama clawthorne is getting some sense into her head here

Morton c'mon help a girl out, that's some dang good art too what the heck dude

ok fine mama clawthorne to the rescue

no pls not raven beast Lilith crying im crying now

Gwen: I raised a fine and self-sufficient child

Me: no you didn't look at her. she's got, SO MUCH.

GODDAMN THATS SOME POWER. ngl this only adds fuel to the fire in my head that there was some kinda reasoning these sisters were torn apart, that someone felt they'd be too powerful together (and they were probably right)

"I heard you but I couldn't stop myself, I couldn't do anything" may be just because she's not used to the curse but again part of me is concerned that because she couldn't pull herself out of it even a little bit like Eda did that there's something wrong there. but she also could've been stressed beyond reasonably calming herself down too.

ok but this is sweet

NOOO im so sad Lilith's leaving :( I literally cried ok

"you lived here?" fine OKAY king that was hilarious even if im sad about this

"reconnect with dad" excuse me where the fuck has this man been in the middle of all of this. curse shit is going DOWN and he's just chilling at home.

I am curious about people's thoughts regarding the whole Lilith regression thing and the fact that she's literally going to be living with her parents again. I feel like it could help nurture that inner child she's been reverting back to and help her out a LOT. but I could also be concerned about it feeding into the regression and making it worse?? idk and this show probably ain't getting that actually deep into psych anyways

"some day my hair is gonna be big enough to do that too" Luz I cannot wait for the day. also mood, I wish I could do that too.

alright who's holding the fucking pen for hooty we need a volunteer RIGHT NOW so we can remain in contact with Lulu

NOT THE ONLY HUMAN? my bets on the real azura rip never mind she said he

Titan’s Blood?? interesting. If the blood of the titan is around I wonder what that means regarding the titans existence, and how long its been since the titan fell.

AHH BABY LUZ PHOTO

ALSO WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?? They're really gonna spring that on us like this??? Camila's gotta notice somethings wrong right??? Unless any differences she just chalks up to the camp?? oh god :(

well, anyways lumity shippers come get yo juice next weekend

anyways im gonna need to add a NOT canon compliant tag on that one Gwendolyn fic I wrote because it definitely do not comply anymore

#toh #the owl house #owl house #keeping up afearances #keeping up a-fear-ances

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yikesharringrove · 4 years

Note

So, I had this idea, but I'm not really good with writing Harringrove, so I thought I could share it with u. A modern au where Steve nd Billy are streamers in L.A. Like, maybe Billys a gaming streamer nd Steve is a v chill streamer nd basically half of their live streams consist of Steve sitting in Billys lap nd the two of them cuddling while just talking nd one day they get a donation question like, "Are the two of u dating wtf" nd they just go "duh" also. femme/nonbinary steve

I love the idea of Steve being jenna marbles-esque, just like sweet and kinda weird and super loved.

And y’all know my love for nb Steve.

Based loosely on this post. Mainly just the gif.

Watch me make up twitter handles lol

This is v soft and includes many of my headcanons for these two living their lovely modern lives.

“Bill!”

Steve was yowling like a damn cat out in the kitchen, interrupting Billy’s stream. “Billy!”

“Stevie! I’m streamin’, Baby!” Hear could hear Steve’s feet plodding down the hall. The chat started going crazy as they appeared in the stream behind Billy, wearing a too-big sweater, thick wool socks on those perpetually cold little feet. Their hair was a fucking mess, and they were wearing their glasses, the big ones Billy loved.

They climbed on Billy’s lap, settling their face into his neck.

“What’s up?”

“Just wanted some lovin’.” Steve’s voice was soft, but they always put their face on the side Billy’s headset mic was on and the audience would go wild over the quiet things they said. Billy rubbed their back before going back to his game.

“Everyone welcome Stevie to the stream.”

He kept playing as usual, Steve a warm little puddle in his lap.

“Okay, Babes. I’m signing off for today, Steve is definitely asleep on me right now and I gotta put them to bed. Love you all, stay safe.” He had to awkwardly shuffle Steve around in his lap to turn off the stream, picking them up to take them to the room across the hall.

They had gotten a two bedroom when they were still friends, pretending they weren’t fucking in love with each other. They had moved into the bedroom formerly known as Steve’s, setting up Billy’s old room for streaming and video editing.

Steve snuffled as Billy took off their glasses, sliding into bed behind them.

Steve was sitting on the floor, laughing at the monitor.

They had been doing a series of Quarantine Madness videos, doing crafts and silly makeup tutorials.

They were currently trying temporary hairdye, had their hair sticking up in all directions.

“This is so fucking stupid, oh my god.” They had electric pink in their hair, Billy had gotten roped into it with dark blue.

“If you destroy my hair for YouTube hits, I’m gonna cry.” Steve had their thin fingers in his hair, rubbing the dye in.

“Oh, worse comes to worse you get ridda that fucking mullet.”

“You love this mullet. It’s my trademark.” Billy’s hair wasn’t supposed to be a mullet, was originally a shag that had grown in weird, but Billy had become known for it, and he had kinda grown to like it.

“The whole premise of this video is to get you to shave your head.” Billy laughed. “Okay, so we gotta wait like twenty minutes and then we gotta wash it out.” They looked at memes while they waited, figured Steve would edit all this waiting out of the video anyway.

They washed the dye out in the sink, scrubbing at one another’s heads before getting in the shower to clean off the patches on their skin.

They ended up getting a little distracted in the shower.

Steve had blow dried both their hair to see the color. The pink was subtle in Steve’s dark hair, the highlights they had gotten a few weeks before quarantine picking up more of the color.

Billy’s hair was bright fucking blue, and neither of them could stop laughing at it.

“I kinda, kinda love it on you, Bill.” Steve was brushing their fingers through Billy’s hair, making him lean into the touch like a damn cat.

The video ended up being wildly popular.

“So, you all tweeted us some questions, and we’re gonna answer them over live stream. We each picked a bunch to pose to one another, so yeah.” Steve shrugged. “Billy, @.DustinHendy wants to know why you’re such a little bitch.” Billy cackled, planting his face into Steve’s shoulder.

“Tell Dustin he’s a little garbage human.” Billy winked at the camera, making the comments along the side of the screen go crazy. “Um, I thought this question was interesting, @.llittlebug says: you two are so touchy. Are you together, or are you just close friends? We’re gal pals, actually.” Steve laughed, loud and bright.

“Two bros chillin’ in the hot tub, five feet apart ‘cause we’re not gay.” Steve sang, making them both crack up.

“Yeah, we’re very much in a relationship, have been for four years now.” Steve was giving him that soft smile Billy loved so much. He leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to that sweet little mouth. The chat was going insane, people sending comments along the lines of I knew it! and so happy for you both!

Steve’s cheeks were flushed.

“So, uh @.bigyikes asks, how did you two meet? Well actually, we went to high school together, and fucking hated each other when we first met, got in a big fight, worked our shit out became friends, moved in together, and fell in love like big dumb losers.”

“So bold of you to claim I ever hated you. I literally was fucking in love with them from the first time I ever saw them but I was, uh, going through a lot, and was kind of the worst back then.” Steve’s arm was on his shoulder, playing with the long hair by his neck.

“You’ve gotten so much better. And I’m proud of you.” Billy planted a kiss to their forehead.

“Next question before I fucking cry, @.imaloser wants to know our sexualities and gender expressions. I mean, you’ve been plenty open about all that.”

“Well, yeah. I’m pansexual and agender, which is under the nonbinary umbrella, but I like to typically present femme. And I use they pronouns, most of you know that, of course. I’m pretty open.” They turned big eyes on Billy.

“These days, I just identify as queer. I’ve always identified as a gay man, but I haven’t dated a guy in a long fuckin’ time.” Steve curled into his side.

“It’s been a learning process for both of us. I mean Billy’s the first person I dated seriously after I came out, and there was just a part of me that felt lowkey misgendered every time he said he was gay.”

“Oh, there was a lot of learning in those early days for sure. And I think we’re both still doing that. I hope I am.” Steve poked his stomach.

“You’re good to me, Bill.” There was a slew of sweet comments in the live stream.

“@.folks asks when did you get into makeup?” He turned to Steve.

“Growing up, most of my friends were girls, and I just always loved playing dress up, and getting make overs. When I was like, fourteen I think, I started playing with makeup myself, learning from YouTube tutorials, and just like, messing around with stuff. I always loved just feeling really pretty, so that’s why-” they gestured at themself, one of Billy’s shirts tucked into old worn out jeans, soft white cardigan. They had put on a full face of makeup for the stream.

“I think you’re the prettiest.” Steve laughed, headbutting Billy’s shoulder.

“Okay, so @.imstruggling wants to know who’s a better cook.” Steve turned dramatically to the camera. “Me, bitch!”

#yikes writes #harringrove #modern harringrove #steve harrington #billy hargrove #steve harrington x billy hargrove #billy hargrove x steve harrington #harringrove fic #harringrove ficlet #harringrove drabble #nonbinary steve harrington #nonbinary!steve #modern au

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liljungie · 4 years

Text

MVP | Jeon Jungkook | AU 3

Pairing: [ soccer player] jungkook x reader

Warnings: angst | slight smut

Part 1 / part 2 / part 3

Masterlist

How am I gonna get out of this?!

Panic rush through me as I look anywhere but her,It's not like I can say it was raining because the weather today was extremely sunny not a single cloud in the sky.

So that was out of the question and I started to think of anything that I could pass the blame on other than the weather.

"Well.." i scratch the back of my head suddenly every word I know vanished into thin air, making it impossible to form a sentence she looked at me waiting "Uh..jimin" I clap my hands together as I speak to grab her attention " p-pulled another prank on me" I said the first words that came to mind hoping they came out clearly "oh you poor thing! I'll tell kookie to talk to him you're a lady jimin can't treat you like that!" She huffed in annoyance.

Ugh why is she so nice? I can see why Jungkook fell for her...if only she wasn't so damn nice to me maybe I'd hate her enough to push away the guilt.

"I-It's okay- really.. jimin and I joke like that a lot he's only getting back at me for putting powdered peppers in his boxers.." I tried to laugh at the end but it came out so awkward and well...fake. but she luckily went with it "Oh that's mean" she says with a scowl on her face "not gonna lie I was weirded out seeing you in my boyfriend's Jersey"she laughed nervously, "but I think Jungkook witnessed what happened" she smiled laughing at the end which I assume she was laughing at the situation or me..

I felt a lump in my throat form I went pale at her words, my hands start to sweat so I quickly rub them against my jeans laughing along with her.

"I gotta go shower now bye!" I yell behind me walking fast to my room so I avoid any more questions "yeah you smell like semin...jimin is so mean" I hear her yell after me

I cringe as I hear her words "I'm sorry jimin" I say to one one, under my breath as I close the door behind me letting out a sigh of relief but deep down guilt ate away at me...

///

A week passed, I hadn't seen Jungkook since that day.

he didn't even try to reach me so I didn't bother either, my heart was mayhem but maybe not seeing him was for the better.

Even though it tore me apart inside.

My exams and assignments took most of my time, I barely had time for myself anyway.

I was chilling in my room in the afternoon writing an essay I had to hand in Monday while listening to music.

It was finally the weekend I'm done with my exams but I had a few things to hand out still and I finally got around it.

I faintly hear a knock on my door and pause the song and slide my chair over to the door opening it.

To find her, dressed nicely make up and hair done to perfection, she smiled at me "Jungkook is taking me on a date!" She squealed as my heart dropped.

she pushed the door more open and twirled in the middle of my room, her yellow dress was just above her knees, making her glow like a star "how do I look?!" She smiled as she looked me in the eyes waiting for my answer.

"Stunning" I replied my face drained of color I swolled the lump in my throat heat prickling down my neck as I stare at her, hurt evident on my features, she was checking herself on the tall mirror I had beside my desk.

He was taking her out on a date? A date?!

My mind was still processing what she said, so he does have free time to take her on dates but not text me at all?! Not even once this whole week!

"Really?!" She squealed once again, she was so happy seems like even gravity couldn't hold her down she was skipping with happiness.

The things I'd do to be her...

I only nodded my head, I felt like a shook up can of soda that was going to burst soon, with glossy eyes I tried to keep looking at her but I couldn't. I turned away.

"I have been dying to spend time with him now that my exams are over I'm gonna be by his side every single day" she says her eyes glowing. Probably day dreaming about the 'date'

"Mhm that's nice" I say as I slide my chair back to my desk, I didn't know I was crying, I curse under my breath. I can't let her see me.

"Oh I'm sorry if I disturbed you" she finally noticed that I was studying and turned to me thankfully my hair covered the side of my head so she couldn't see my face "I'll leave you now so you can study okay?" She giggled and walked to the door opening it slowly

"Fighting _____!" She shouted her fist in the air cheering me on as if that would make it easier I only sent her a small smile with a nod then my eyes went back on the screen the letters were so blurry.

"oh and I'm spending the weekend at his place so don't wait for me!" She giggled, I felt my chest tighten as I heard her say that, seconds passed and I heard my bedroom door closed shut. Finally.

I let out a sigh that felt like a sob I tried to distract myself by writing more, I turned up the volume of the music I tied my hair up to cool me down. frustrated I let it fall on my shoulders...nothing worked.

Nothing could shut my thoughts off, all I could think of was her in his arms, in his lap, kissing and touching him.

I could see images of him kissing and holding her like he held me...

"_____ I'm leaving now bye!" I heard her faintly yell from the living room breaking me away from my trance a few moments of silence and right when I heard her shut the apartment door close. I threw my phone at the mirror she was infront of minutes ago it all shattered along with my phone screaming in frustration I fell to the floor sobbing.

he consumed every inch of me he took over every part of me, and it's my falut that I let him get to me this way.

This close.

I felt my body burn and ache until I couldn't feel anything anymore and sleep took over me.

///

I woke up to banging on the door I sat up, confused, I looked around I was on the floor in the middle of my room I looked at the watch on the wall it read 12 am.

I must have slept for a long time.

I heard the banging again but louder this time oh so I wasn't dreaming? I wanted to yell her name so she could open the door instead but I remembered...everything.

I found it hard to stand up, or seems like my heart couldn't bare to do anything I'm so out of it, I feel so numb and so hurt. That even standing was too much for me to take.

I made my way to the door. in the dark living room I turned on the spot lights to provide a bit of light in so I could see better, my eyes were swollen from how much I cried and my vision is still blurry from the tears.I move my hair out of my face as I walk to the door slowly.

I open the door and there he stood.

Jungkook.

He sighs relieved and pulls me towards him.

"Oh my fucking God I was so afraid" he says, holding me tighter.

I was astonished I must be dreaming this, this can't be... she was over at his place how did he get out?

He pulled away and looked at me almost analyzing my face "I was so worried!" He tells me "I called you so many times why didn't you pick up?!" He scolds his grip on my arms was tight

He did?

How come it's ringing didn't wake me up?

Then I remember how I threw it at the mirror and I don't know if it was still working for not, I need a new phone for sure it seems.

I pull away and he looked at me hurt that I pushed him lightly off of me "you didn't text or call this whole week why does it suddenly matter?" I ask raising my eyebrows, arms crossed as I look up at him waiting for the answer that I longed for this whole week.

"_____" he sighed as he rubbed his temple "I'm sorry I couldn't I was dealing with a lot" he stated, clearly he didn't want to talk about it so I dropped the topic because I just don't think it matters anymore. It won't go anywhere because if there's one thing I'm sure of is jungkook keeps to himself and there's no way you'll ever get something out of him.

"Why you were waiting for me to call you?" A playful grin on his features, I stop in my tracks and turn around looking at him in disbelief, is this what he thought of me? who am I kidding this is all I'm ever gonna be for him. Just for pleasure. He can disappear for as long as he wants and expects me to wait for him.

"Not at all..I could care less about you" I say avoiding his eyes walking slowly back to my room until suddenly I'm turned face to face with him "stop avoiding me!" He harshly tells me, his eyes stare into mine and I feel my body give up on me and surrender to his touch.

His gaze was strong and the more he stared at me, his eyes softened"... you were crying weren't you baby?" He asks, His voice was so soft and quiet I felt my heart ignite with life agai, the way he was holding my face between his hands now tracing my cheeks with his thumbs soothingly.

"N-No I wasn't-" I groggily reply only for him to sigh "you don't have to lie to m-"

"Why are you here?" I ask cutting him off, pushing him away harder this time. I saw the way his face fell "you don't want me here?" He asks "you left her to see me?" He swoalled and bite his lip "yes" he answers in heart beat "..I told her I forgot my text book at taehyung's...and I just...I just wanted to see you" I look at his eyes sparkle for some reason he had this look on his face that just screamed at me to take him in my arms.

I used all my power to resist that urge and I stepped back, I feel tears start in my eyes again "Jungkook..." I whimpered

My heart aches because I know what I was going to say but my heart wasn't in it "we have to stop this" I cried

His eyes went wide and his mouth opened with shock and disbelief "_____ you can't do this...not now-please just listen to me-" he walks forward,his arms reach for mine I walk away from him pushing him away from me "we can't anymore...my heart can't take it!" I shouted tears fall endlessly, his gaze was too strong for me so I look away

"What are you saying _____?!" He shouted angrily "why push me away now? Huh?" He cried "tell me why are you doing this to us!" My back hits the wall behind me his hands come up on each side Trapping me.

I feel the emotions bottle up and boil inside me until they spill and I'm left feeling numb I met his eyes and the words I said next shocked him and myself..

"I love you!" I cried "Jungkook I love you!" I pause "but I can't do this anymore!" I tell him wiping my tears as more fall "please understand- I can't bear it I just-"

His lips closed on mine shutting me up.

The kiss was deep not his needy lustful kisses this was different...he kissed me passionately.

"Let me change your mind- I know I can" he pulled away his forehead touching mine "please baby..you can't do this..you can't do this to me!" I felt his tears drip down on my cheeks, seeing him like this broke my heart completely I let out a cry "but Jungkook it's wrong.." I whisper "she's sound asleep in your bed and you're...here with me" I tell him "this is not fair to her...this isn't fair to me! you have no idea of the pain I'm going through..." I say as I place my hands ontop of his hands that were holding my cheeks he had his eyes closed his breathing is uneven and shaky.

"Do you think I'm not suffering too?" He says his eyes bore into mine and I see the pain I feel swim in his eyes too "do you think this isn't hurting me?" He whispered

I shake my head "then break up with her!" I say loudly, to get it through his thick head.

"I can't!" He shouts "I just can't bring myself to!" He looks away from me as I taste my tears and stare at him heartbroken.

I cry "but you can bring yourself to see me in tears begging you to stay away when I want you?" I laugh "do I mean anything to you at all? do you even care about me?" I yell "do you even love me?" I whimpered, my chest heaving up and down.

"Yes I do _____!" He yells back. We're facing each other "stop I beg of you!" he cried tugging on his hair "seeing you cry because of me hurts like hell!" he says backing me up against the wall "good!" I reply my eyes sharply stare into his making his eyebrows raise "you drive me insane _____" he tells me placing his hands beside each side of my head "why can't I stop thinking of you! You! And the way you talk! your body! your scent! Anywhere I go all I think of is you!" He punched a hole in the wall right next to my face "so don't you dare and say that you don't matter to me..you consume me whole and I can't stay away" he pulls me closer his hands on my hips "let me love you _____..." he whispers.

"Let me take care of you stop being so stubborn angel and let me...please _____" he whispers his eyes held so much lust behind I felt his bulge against my inner thigh he leaves trail of kisses on my neck, I whimper and push him away with the little force left in me he stares at me angry.

I swallow the lump in my throat when he walks towards me again "you're horny and that's the only reason you're here" I state he stops dead in his tracks his face inches away from mine "you're only here for pleasure nothing else" I continue "at first it was an honest mistake but then it turned into a habit then I thought you loved me because why would you keep coming back?" I snorted tears pool in my eyes but I don't let them fall.

He wasn't worth it anymore "Jungkook I'm nothing but a game to you" I whisper "and I want out" I turn away from him his grip on my wrist stops me from walking away and he turns me to face him "tell me what I can do to prove you wrong!" His eyes pierce through mine he licks his lips "tell me what to do!" He says louder

I pull my hand out of his and stare into him intensely "I told you what to do" I swallow "because we can't keep doing this I'm done" I tell him walking to my room and I shut the door behind me.

He stood still even after the door had been shut, he was speechless.

Anger took over him he wanted to break your door open and have his way with you but your message was loud and clear so he turned away and closed the apartment door shut after him not wanting to argue with you anymore.

________

A/N: Hey I feel really stumped with this imagine so I need your opinion please how should I carry this on? I'm sorry for any mistakes and for the short part your opinion on this matters so please help me out here!

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