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martha-autie · 11 months

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Levels are important and so is using them correctly.

There is a misunderstanding about levels that borders on abelist. Some of you may have seen others say "levels are harmful to low support needs autistics" or "some days I'm level 1, some days I'm level 2 and some days I'm level 3".

These statements are harmful for an assortment of reasons and I plan to discuss some of those today.

First:

Levels are not inherently harmful to lower aupport needs autistics the idea that level 1 means no support needs, is not built into the level system. Level 1s require support, level 2s require moderate support, level 3 requires a lot of support. Instead of attacking the level system, the focus should be on addressing the incorrect belief that level 1s don't need any support. For moderate and high support needs people, levels can be invaluable. It can be very difficult for me, a level 2, to explain how my autism effects me. Being able to tell my doctors and the government, that I am a level 2 takes the pressure of trying to verbalize how my disability impacts me. If you can explain how your autism effects you that's great but many of us cant and that is why levels are important. It is shorthand for low, moderate and high support needs people who cannot put into words how autism impacts them.

Some may say that level 1s will be denied services due to misconceptions, this could be possible, though I know level 1s on SSI and such. However, the diagnostic criteria notes level 1 autistic people need supports as well. The level system is very beneficial for many moderate and high support needs people and the problem that some level 1s bring up are the fault of misconceptions of the level system that would be better addressed by educating those who think level 1s don't need support, than by attacking the level systems.

Second:

"Some days I'm level 1, some days I'm level 2 and some days I'm level 3".

Is a perplexing and disturbing saying. Many people, often level 1s, use this phrase to refer to their bad days and in argument against the level system. Some will say levels are useless because "some days I'm level 1, some days I'm level 2 and some days I'm level 3". They are referring to how stressful, difficult, or painful a particular day is and conflating it with levels , not referring to an actual level change.

This is problematic because that isn't how levels work. It is also insulting because it implies that level 2 and 3s are always having bad days and that our level is a state of a bad day. It also implies that if level 2 and 3s had better days or better environments they would become level 1s. This gives an unrealistic impression of how varying degrees of autism works and contributes to misinformation that can harm the autistic community.

I would like to share an example of something a low support need autistic person said about high support needs people "they have tricked everyone into thinking they can't do more so everyone does everything for them". This horrible statement is fueled by the idea that levels are just a measurement of good and bad days. I am a level 2, I am not the imbodiment of a moderately bad day, I am autistic person who needs moderate support. Please think hard the next time you say "some days I'm level 1, some days I'm level 2 and some days I'm level 3". And ask yourself, what that statement really implies.

#autistic women #autistic experiences #autistic adult #autism #actually autistic #late diagnosed autistic #autism level 2 #neurodiversity #neurodivergent #asd #autistic #actuallyautistic #spicy autism #autism diagnosis #autistic spectrum #autistic problems

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saenora · 10 months

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YOUR FAVOURITES AS YOUR SIMPS

note: if we flip tables and what if youre the mangaka character and your fav simps on you… these are some adequate subpar headcanons… 🫠 (i dont write so lmao bear w me 🤭) thankies to Ai <3 @gojoest-main for indulging always mum ily and SOBS GOJO IS BASED ON WHAT AI SAID🤭)

the husband

YN IS HIS LOML. he is huge on selfship community! HIM AND EVERYONE CALLS HIM YOUR TRUE HUBBY! he has a whole lot of selfship arts with you. he might go broke with all the merch but he cant help it every time he sees your fanarts or a new chapter drops, he goes feral. PINTEREST MOODBOARDS, PLAYLISTS YOU NAME IT. HE HAS IT. he is defending you on every website, writing little self indulging drabbles about you. he knows you well, his little head canons are cannoned by all of your fans. your his f/o and nobody can change it. he either talks about you infront of his friends and he has gained a reputation because of it or leads teh secret life… there is no inbetween. has the sweetest selfship headcanons but occasionally tweets regular horny one liners about how bad he wants to be fucked by you, or about how much he wants to cum inside you and get you pregnant.

gojo?, reo, kise chuuya, isagi, yuuji, taiga, ran + anyone who fits the criteria

the loyal hoe

he has too many blorbos, he knows it. BUT YOURE HIS MAIN BLORBO, HIS BIGGEST SELFSHIP/ THE ONE HE KEEPS CRAWLING BACK TO. it can be put as you made him standout. IS 25/8 YN BRAINROT AND TWEETS HORNIEST STUFF. HE ONLY SURVIVES ON SMUT AND BREATHES TO THE THOUGHTS OF YOUR AROUSAL. writes the best sex stuff. he keeps hopping from one to another but everyone knows he is your biggest whore. UNHINGED. crazy lot of nsfw fanarts of you, has patreon subscription to see all those fanarts. it doenst matter where he is, work/home/cafe. HE IS THIRSTING ABOUT YOU. writes about the shapes of your labia/cock and can write poetry on your body.

SHIDOU, karasu, dazai, GOJO, sukuna, toji, BACHIRA, aomine(ik.. but if he could write), ranpo, EREN, kaiser, jean + anyone who fits the criteria

the sweetheart

he isnt extremely active. somewhere in between the worlds. he calls himself your cheerleader, your number one supporter. he has tons of art saved of you might/might not be on budget. has one commissioned selfship with you. he loves you and probably has the most pure of the selfship with horniness served as dessert. (NO ONE CAN ESCAPE IT) occasionally indulges in you. is mostly very sfw!! but his head is full of all the sexi stuff. loves to talk about you… if anyone strikes a conversation about you he can write verbal books. CERTIFIED SIMP. his selfship is uwu. doesnt go big on it but is a soft fan.

kenyu, hiori, isagi, yuuta, megumi?, chifuyu, rindou, kakucho, connie, atsushi + anyone who fits the criteria

the silent one

he has been your fan since the start, the first time he laid his eyes of your 2d character design, your story, your everything captured him. he loves you from afar.. isnt really active but has a small pinterest board or a playlist of you that he silently indulges in. has no idea what selfships are but you’re a coping mechanism for him (sometimes). if you were real, he’d treat you so much better than the shitty charcter you’re stuck with. doesn’t pick fights online but wouldn’t hesitate if someone crossed a line. he doesnt realize but thinks of you more than a fictional character. probably is the healthiest out of the five. none of his irls know about his fixation of you and it would never see the light of the day. IF LOYALTY WAS A PERSON IT WOULD BE HIM. period.

nanami, rin, ness, levi, erwin, akutagawa + anyone who fits the criteria

the idgaf

he simps only for you. he has posters of you and is not ashamed. people know about you being his favourite character but he is scary so nobody can ask it about. has minimal/no online presence. but keeps signed copies of the mangakas. JERKS OFF TO YOUR POSTERS UNABASHED. he follows one fan account and prolly goes anon sometimes. heavily reads your smut or hasn’t scratched the surface you cant tell. YOURE NOT A CHARACTER, YOURE HIS FAVOURITE. ANOTHER ONE WHO DOENST KNOW WHAT SEFSHIPS ARE, BUT HEAVILY CREAMS THINKING OF YOU and has wild fantasies about you.

sae, aomine, shoichi, oliver, izana, kaiser(idk), baji, naoya, mikey, wc kunigami, ranpo + anyone who fits the criteria

zen speaks: i’ll do a yn as diff as character tropes drabbles too 🤭 so wtevrhr <3

dividers: @/cafekitsune

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clownrecess · 1 year

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Hi, I'm sorry if you aren't the best person to ask but i cant find anyone else but is it ablest of me to avoid verbally communicating even if I have the ability?

Like I can talk, and it's not particularly hard for me usually, but I feel more comfortable not doing it usually, especially during the times it does hurt. I'm autistic but I don't know if that's the reason why, and I worry it's inconsiderate to not do it by choice since some people don't have one.

Sorry again

It isn't ableist. I've said it before and I will say it again, everyone deserves a comfortable way to communicate. And for you, if using a way other than oral speech is more comfortable, do that!

You deserve to be comfortable, and if that means using AAC, sign, etc. to communicate even though you are speaking. Do it. Somebody who reblogged one of my posts said this, and I think it applies:

"Its called an aid for a reason. You don't NEED a jacket, but winter will be a lot easier if you have one.".

Also, the more people who use AAC the more normalized and available it'll become!

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kirbyystar · 7 months

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fluff Inosuke - headcanon

character: Inosuke Hashibira

a/n: my kyojuro blog did so well (thank you for those who reblogged and liked <3) I decide to keep this going! I will be doing Inosuke in this blog, either Giyu or Tanjiro.

NOTE: my work will always purely be fluff. I will not write 18+ work as of now.

where do i start..

for one, he clearly has his own way of love. its clearly different and not what you might experienced with anyone else. but, his love is definitely one of a kind. Of course it took a while to grasp the idea you guys were together- his feelings were always there, he just didn't know how to cope with it. He likes to come back from missions with flowers for you <3 most of the time the flowers are crushed from being in his pocket. but its the thought that counts! he genuinely cares for you. in fact, your name is the only name he can verbally pronounce right! it took a while but he made it his goal to remember it! you understand he might be a bit.. naïve or silly most of the time but you're always there to help him understand, almost as if your guide. part of why hes so fond and attracted to you. you're so intelligent, he loves it.

his favorite thing about you is your personality

he loves how smart, bright, cheerful you are. especially when your his #1 cheerleader lol

inosuke loves your scent, you constantly remind him if he wants to cuddle or physical contact.. he gotta shower😭 hes always out of missions and now he comes back ready to shower to soon jump on you

many many things improved of him since being with you, in a good way ofc!

he loves to physically fight with you

most of the time, he wins. but when YOU win, he immediately demands a rematch

inosuke has his way of complimenting you

he doesn't usually use nicknames bc he somewhat manages to pronounce it wrong

"my paby" 😭 took you both at least 4 times to say "baby"

he loves LOVESS when you give him nicknames, especially if you praise him

praising him makes him feel like the king of the world

not really a kisser or a hugger, moments like these are rare

although he immediately folds and is basically at your feet when your in his presence. he just cant control himself

so, its clear to say, inosuke is in love with you. he won't ever admit being in love unless he truly felt. he's the type to be very honest and wouldn't want you to get hurt. he does his best with you because he wants you to be happy. he never wants you to leave him. separation is prolly the scariest thing for him. although its almost as if he has commitment issues, ONLY BECAUSE he worries a lot if he isn't good enough. (which ofc hes more than enough, hes everything) but inosuke is very open about the thought. just for reassurance from him. part of the reason why hes so scared to leave you is because how you guys met lol

both of you had a separate mission however, you just happen to cross path with inosuke. this made him headbutt you because silly inosuke thought you were trying to interfere with his mission </3 it was quite a moment though, he kept declaring he'll kill the demon before you can and you just stood there like... what LMAO its ok tho cuz after a lot of communication mainly from you, inosuke finally understand you, and it was almost as if it was fate, you guys kept crossing each others path, soon enough, you guys were doing missions together. it didnt bother either of you considering how many times you guys often seen each other.

hes not afraid to stand by you in public, holding hands only makes him more flustered ofc

but hes def the "man of the relationship"

wont let you hold any of your things when shopping

keeps notes you write for him so he can always read them <3

(you help him so much and hes truly thankful)

bluntly compliments you-

"y/n, you're so beautiful today."

he always got that smirk on his face when he knows he got you flustered lol

always backfires tho every time you say a comeback (as u should)

you guys be having the most random convos

Honestly, in the end, hes truly all you got and will do anything to protect you. Your happiness makes him happy, and thats all he needs.

divider: cafekitsune

#inosuke hashibira #inosuke #kny inosuke #demon slayer #inosuke x reader #writing #headcanon #blog #kny #kny fanfic #kimetsu no yaiba #hashira #kny x reader #writers on tumblr #beginner writer #i hope you all enjoy!

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fictionalwhores · 1 year

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Marauders with a Deaf Reader

Summary: How the marauders would be with a deaf friend (platonic!)

A/N: I am writing this based off of my own experiences. I wear hearing aids and my hearing loss sits at about 95 decibels, I mostly use verbal language and lip reading to communicate but sign language helps me sooo much if the person does know it. This is platonic but I kinda wanna write romantic versions too...

Masterlist

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-James is the first person to learn sign language for you, without a doubt. He doesn’t ever really understand the grammar but he’ll sign the basics of what he’s saying to you to help you keep up

-It’s a good thing that James learns sign language because he speaks so fast and kinda slurs his words together so its hard to read his lips even though he’ll repeat anything as many times as you need

-Remus has the easiest lips to read and you can’t convince me otherwise

-His signing is wonky and it takes him a while to pick up on it and he’s still pretty slow when he does get it down, but he loves passing notes with you even though your hearing aids allow you to hear him talking

-Remus is also definitely the person who understands the “I can hear you but can’t understand you” and has to explain it to Sirius who gets confused as to why you heard him speaking but not what he specifically said

-Sirius likes yelling to get your attention and one of the boys always slap him upside the head

-Sirius has so many deaf jokes but if someone makes a comment about you he will throw hands

-he also loves signing to you from across the classroom, he compares it to talking in code and demands to have sign names relating to their marauder names

-Remus helps you jinx your quill to be able to pick up on things you cant hear the professors say during class, and he’ll share his notes with you if you still feel like you missed something

-James is the one who translates the most for you, he won’t even be actively listening to your conversation but if you give him a look that says “help me” he’ll join in to help you understand what’s going on

-Sirius is the best at spell pronunciation so when you're struggling to properly hear something he will help you

"Wingardium leviosa"

"That's what I said!"

"No, love, you're saying levioSA, it's the emphasis on the 'O'"

-You all refer to your hearing aids as your “ears,” and first years are always confused to hear

“do you have your ears in?”

“Yes”

“Excellent, so guess what happened-”

-James charming your hearing aid molds to change to the color of what house you’re rooting for during each match

-Sometimes its hard to keep up when all of the boys go on a tangent but James will repeat everything you need and reminds Sirius that he needs to face you when he talks to you because he forgets that the most often

-The boys making sure the music at parties are amplified to create vibrations for you to better bop along too

#marauders #marauders imagine #marauders fic #marauders headcanons #james potter #remus lupin #sirius black #james potter headcanons #remus lupin headcanons #sirius black headcanons #james potter imagine #remus lupin imagine #sirius black imagine #harry potter #james potter fic #remus lupin fic #sirius black fic

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the-visionary-collective · 24 days

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Detailed personal moral code explanation post!!

(Will be frequently updated as i will inevitably have new things to add)

For those who dont want to read this whole thing but wanna know the basics, The basic mindset is i live and let live with anti non-consensual harm based moral rules

See below the cut for my personal understanding of and/or personal definition of the word harm, i like to include things like this because sometimes i use words and people dont understand what i mean

The rest of the post is under the cut

My moral code:

Informed consent is the #1 priority

free choice with some obvious exceptions

i believe that nothing is inherently bad or evil to do as long as you know the risks, and consent to it, and if it involves other beings they also have consented and are thoroughly informed on the subjects that could negatively affect them and they consent to it

forgiving and loving everyone who has done something bad in the past and is working on stopping their bad behaviours, regardless of their past bad behaviours (yes this includes unconsensual harm to others, i know it sounds contradictory, but people make mistakes, really bad ones sometimes, and i believe everyone can change for the better if they try hard enough and are willing to)

Adding onto the last point, nothing is bad enough to not be forgiven if the person is working on actively stopping their behaviour

Legalization for currently illegal marginalized communities (such as contact for maps and other illegal paraphilic attractions, and currently illegal things related to transitioning for transids) and things that i dont think should be illegal (such as drugs)

more of a set of global moral rules than laws the way they are right now, i dont like the current state of most laws and the legal system itself

Abloish the current state of jails/prisons in most places in favour of a more preventative and recovery care centered state like in certain countries

Most animals cant currently verbally consent to sex and consensually harmful actions as they dont curently understand and/or speak human languages, however they can express consent to things through physical cues (they will tell you if they dont like it, its a survival instinct, for example if my cat doesnt want to be held he will tell me by clawing at me and trying to get away)

Cringe culture and harrasment of people in general is horrible in so many ways and wouldnt be allowed in my ideal world (it will unfortunately always exist in this world because judgey uneducated people will always exist, especially with those who chose not to get treatment for their harmful behaviours)

Take accountability for your actions, especially if you’re trying to heal

Healing in any form should not be forced but it should still be heavily encouraged, this is because forced healing doesnt work for most people (especially a lot of neurodivergent people, as they often can only treat their harmful behaviours if they actively want to)

Beliefs fitting of some youthlib movements (minors can give informed consent, minors should be allowed to vote, etc)

Anything harmful inducing death should be legal as long as the death is consented to, people should be able to experience an end of life of any sort if they know the pros and cons of death itself

Desiring to be harmful or experience harmful things is not a thing that makes you inherently a bad person

Legalizing and normalizing full bodily autonomy, including things that cause any type of harm to oneself, if you know the risks and are okay with them then you should have freedom to do what you want to your body

Death as a whole is not something to be afraid of, factually it is the end of ones concious experience on this planet in this body, which is not something that is necessarily bad for a lot of people (especially those with untreatable physical and/or mental illness), and with my understanding of energy and souls being a form of energy, that to me means that an afterlife of some sort is a possibility

Money is a stupid concept and shouldnt be the norm (basically just communism but that word usually has negative connotations so idk)

And more not yet listed (will be added when they come to mind)

The exceptions (see 2nd point in the moral code):

things that cause any bodily/mental/other harm to others without consent (for example any unconsensual abuse,)

Anything not harmful done to someone else without their (informed) consent (for example, i think minors can give informed sexual consent, so by my morals i think MAPs should be able to have sexual contact) this is similar to the point above but for things i dont define as harmful

Doing things impulsively that may harm you in the future (basically, make sure you want to do the things you do)

My personal definition of the word harm for extra context (reminder that words are subjective when it comes to definitions because language is always changing and is also subjective):

Actions that cause physical/mental/spiritual/etc distress without informed consent (distress in the context of this is any symptoms/experiences you dont want to happen and dont consent to, for example if you dont want to be killed and dont consent to being killed than that is a distressing/harmful thing, but if you are ok on both ends of those circumstances them it should be ok and legal to choose to do)

This post doesnt mean my morals are objectively right since morals are a very person by person thing, they are what i believe is right, respect it or not its what i believe and im not changing my morals for anybody!!

#~-🐈#>stances<#long post #moral code #last post for now #pro rq 🌈🍓#rq 🌈🍓#rqc🌈🍓#radqueer #radqueer please interact #rq please interact #rq safe #rq community #pro rq #radqueer safe #pro radqueer

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system-of-a-feather · 3 months

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It's really funny cause my old work environment was super toxic and judgemental and unaccomodating to my autistic communication style and struggles with heavily verbal and "read between the lines" communication and so the three people I work with the most basically started putting me in the "uwu poor baby autistic cant communicate and needs to try harder to learn" and Im pretty sure three of them just built up this self affirming image of us that we are incapable of effectively communicating or engaging with non-autistic people and thus have a negative charisma or what not

So I think they got the impression I would be an easy person to screw over and all

But jokes on them I actually get along with people pretty well, was on good terms with the two of the main HR people, 2/8 of the other lab members I had actively good work relationships with, and I am very very good with professional conflict resolution and problem solving enough to coordinate with three different departments against discrimination.

Like yeah, I struggle with receiving and sometimes presenting verbal communication

No, that does not mean I am inept in all forms of communication, that I don't have people who can attest to my character, or a big soft uwu baby

Anyways, XIVs having fun raising his fourth organized and coordinated "someone with more power than me is abusing their power and is testing their hubris thinking wed take the L" riot since his role in our childhood environment and I'm just here looking at his work, doing my part as he asks, and just - I am both proud of him and happy for him and thus proud of us and happy for us

It's such a nice closure to a shitty place of work.

#alter: riku #lawsuit saga #alter: xiv

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monstersinthecosmos · 1 year

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mother wounds & maker wounds !

So I’ve talked before about generational trauma with vampires and the nature vs nurture aspect of how some of it is behavior, but how maybe the Blood can create an epigenetic thing too that’s just gonna be baked in forever.

BUT LATELY I’ve been daydreaming a lot about the concept of The Mother Wound and how it applies to vampires!!!! And like when you read about Mother Wounds it’s described as generational trauma and it gets brought up a lot that it can be part of family cycles, ie: I raised my child this way because my mom raised me this way, ad infinitum. So I’m interested in looking at like, how the behavior of makers influences their fledglings and what types of assumptions we can make about what it does to you.

And I think if you take any vampire from the books you can kinda ask how it applies, how was their turning traumatic, how did the combination of their deadbeat maker + inherent personality influence their lives and their OWN fledglings. Like, Lestat and Armand for example have extremely different personalities and handled Maker Trauma differently. Lestat continues to breed because he is so desperate for love and afraid of losing people, vs Armand is convinced he’ll be a terrible maker and that it isn’t worth it to hurt your child, so he doesn’t bother. (Except that one time where it became a self-fulfilling prophecy bc he didn’t know how to deal with it after.) Armand is completely cynical about the entire concept that you could have a healthy relationship with your maker because he’s seen it fall apart at every level, from down in the dregs of existence in the cult beneath the cemetery, the meaningless decadent vampires of the Théâtre who barely understand immortality, and all way the up to the absolute ideal of civility and domestic mainstreaming that he got to experience with Marius.

I just find it wild how like, within VC where we are working with Big Brained Vampire Feelings and relationships that exist outside social constructs because of it, which makes the lines between parent/maker/lover very blurry. The love the vampires have for each other is so all encompassing and bigger than human labels & social roles (ie YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING), and yet as a maker you still have a responsibility to usher your fledgling into immortality in a way that doesn’t COMPLETELY TRAUMATIZE THEM and so few of them actually know how to do it.

There’s something hopeful about human relationships in the way we (at least my aro-ace ND ass does, don’t @ me) see the permanence of relationships and the way we measure the hierarchy of loss. Like the way we respect the pain of a romantic breakup and don’t talk about the pain of a friend breakup. It kind of tells us that friendships or romantic relationships can be fleeting, but family bonds are supposed to be permanent. It’s the same way people leaving abusive families or refusing to respect older relatives are shamed for harming the sacred family unit. So it makes me wonder like, when you think of a Maker/Fledgling relationship, especially in a universe where they might live forever, where do we put the permanence of this relationship and how to we romanticize its longevity? The solution in the later books of turning fledglings as a favor to each other seems to be a huge progression for them and a way to avoid some of this. It puts more boundaries between Maker and Lover, where the Maker is providing your life and immortality and doesn’t need to be there for the rest of it.

And especially because of the barrier, it’s like, you CANT be here for the rest of it. You lose the ability to ever truly know each other again. You have to actually develop your verbal communication for this to work and so many of these characters are too fucked up and not ready to do that hhaha. I think there’s a lot of substance in here about like, relating to parents as adults and how that relationship shifts when you grow up. Something similar happens when you turn someone, maybe, like you’ve given them life and now you don’t know each other anymore. And yet something very antithetical to being a mother when you’ve taken their life in the same moment. HMM.

I just really like the way the universe presents these relationships and how complicated they are. Or maybe they’re decidedly uncomplicated because everyone is just “everything” to you. Your maker is your parent and your lover and your companion, they are your everything. It’s only complicated when you try think about it like a human.

Still, anyway, for funsies. Thinking a lot about Maker Wounds today and how it affected Armand, and how it affected his future relationships and sense of self worth. 😊

I was reading this article on PsychologyToday.com about mother wounds if you wanna read it and learn more about what they are and what they do to you and how you fix them haha. BUT FOR FUNSIES, WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU CTRL+F AND REPLACE TO VAMPIRE WORDS??

The best way to think of the maker wound is a loss or a lack of makering. This is typically a deficit in the maker-fledgling relationship that is passed down through generations, and it is a reflection on how we have experienced parenting and how we parent. While not a specific diagnosis, it is a way of looking at how current codependency behaviors may be linked to missing elements in the past.

(Lol MAKERING good word)

So anyway I’m thinking about this concept a lot regarding Armand and I’m sure you could really take any set in the series and look for some of these patterns. But my main thing about Armand that I think harmed him the most was that

- Marius was very rigid with the person he expected Armand to be

- Marius never rescued him.

When you look back at some of the times Marius was especially cruel to him (I always think about when he hits Armand for crying about his dad or whatever lol) and like all of Marius’s bullshit about I WANT YOU TO CHALLENGE ME … but wait not like that ! it’s like, was Armand just floundering with the cult and wondering what he did wrong? (See also: Armand’s defectiveness schema haha)

It’s a loss he can experience twice—on one hand, if he didn’t think Marius survived the fire, there’s no reason to think that he would worry about this aside from dealing with the grief of losing his maker. But if he believed Marius was strong enough to make it, or if he had any indication that Marius survived, that gives him a few hundred years to feel bad about himself and wonder if he’s not worth saving. Then of course, when he learns that Marius is alive (from Lestat’s book?) he can go through it again.

Like there’s always going to be two sides to a reunion like that. Half might be: I’m so happy that you’re alive, and the other half is: Wait you were alive that whole time and never came to get me wtf

I feel like Armand’s early life and even his centuries in the cult are so rich with trauma and grief, though. He loses and loses and loses. He was devout as a human, ready to dedicate himself to living in caves, and it makes me wonder if the cult felt right to him, like he got there anyway. Maybe he looked at his time with Marius as a brief period of sin. It’s no wonder that he doesn’t know how to fuckin behave haha.

But you look back at what happened with Marius and it makes sense that some of his wounds and insecurities show up the way they do.

These types of feelings reduce self-esteem, feelings of self-worth, and feelings of worthiness to have a positive relationship. Individuals with a maker wound always feel incomplete and lacking in their ability to connect with others, while also having deeply rooted feelings about the need for perfection and control.

It feels kinda similar to the way Louis is like GUY WHO IS TURNED WHILE SUICIDAL, like they all have something that kinda sticks with them, I think. Like something about their mortal lives that gets written into their personality. Armand was not rescued!

Here’s some other fun stuff from the article:

Signs of the Maker Wound

· Never feeling they had their maker's approval or acceptance

· Concerns about not being loved by their maker or not being loved as much as other siblings or family members

· Difficulties in relating to the maker on an emotional level

· Uncertainty about the relationship with the maker and if it could be lost with a mistake or an accident

· Always trying to do better or to be perfect, to attempt to gain your maker's attention and acceptance

· Feelings of having to protect, care for, or shelter your maker rather than them protecting, caring for and sheltering you

It’s funny like most of what we know about Armand’s relationships and how he behaves in them is from everyone’s POV except his own. So it’s almost like unfair to try to figure out how he is, how he feels, what last effect abandonment has on him when we’re not hearing it FROM HIM. But it’s like oscillates between being a needy baby or being a weird monster. I’m thinking of like, the “Love me” and pathetic way he threw himself at Lestat & Gabrielle, also the way he takes charge as a cult leader, also the way he introduced himself to Daniel. I just think there’s such a deep need for acceptance, but when that fails or when he’s too afraid to be vulnerable he’s gotta just be rigidly in control to cope with it.

Anyway I don’t have a graceful offramp here, I just wanted to yell about this a little LOL. Also I wanna share one more bit from the article because it feels really potent to me:

These are makers who may provide for the physical needs of the fledglings, and even interact with the fledglings in a positive way, but simply do not provide the deep love and attention that all fledglings require. They may not have been abusive or neglectful, and they may never have engaged in negativity in their relationships with the fledglings, but they were also always distant and less tuned-into the emotional needs of their fledglings.

This one sums them up the most to me, I think. Like the way Marius provided for him even when it’s maybe not exactly what he needed. Giving him every material luxury he could need but slapping him because he’s sad. It’s such an enormous pressure to live up to.

Rewinding back it’s so interesting because when you look at it as a family pattern like, Marius was abandoned by his maker too, even if it was a different circumstance. Marius would have also had to go through that loss more than once; if he ever imagined Teskhamen survived and couldn’t find him, or if he ever wondered why Teskhamen didn’t come to him sooner. Especially a vampire like Marius who was so known in the vampire world, and someone like Teskhamen who had connections to the Talamasca. But there’s sort of a thing here of like, my maker didn’t teach me how to vampire, I had to figure it out myself. But then he fucks up with Armand so bad that Armand falls into the “my dad sucks so I wouldn’t be a good dad” space.

It kills me that we don’t know more about what happened with Daniel, when they drifted apart, how he wound up with Marius, etc. I tend to wonder if Armand fulfilled his own destiny by convincing himself he’d be a bad maker to the point where he barely tried.

And where does that leave Daniel with all of this? Idk.

The thing ultimately that makes these stories so fantastical is that they have all the time in the world to heal, to grow, to get past grudges. This is what the article lists as solutions on how to heal this wound:

· Exploring the feelings of the inner child and allowing those feelings of being ignored, unloved, unwanted, or not valued to be expressed in a safe, therapeutic environment.

· Learning to validate and love ourselves creates a positive emotional and mental picture of our lives as they are in the present time, letting go of the past concept of self-developed by our interactions with our maker.

· Setting boundaries—creating a relationship with the maker that is based on your needs and the ability of the maker to change and contribute to your emotional needs in a healthy, positive, and fulfilling way.

I wonder if Daniel has a hand in that, in bringing the two of them together.

Personally I’ve always felt like, I don’t “””ship””” Armand & Marius because I think they’re awful for each other lol but there’s just so much unhealed baggage here. But, like I was saying, vampire relationships are so different from the real world. I would love if they could simply coexist, be there for each other as needed, love each other safely. I’ve talked enough so I don’t want to get distracted with like all the work they’d have to do to fix it and how they’d have to build a new version of their relationship that exists in the present but it’s nice to see that there’s a way through and I hope Daniel can help them.

I WONDER WHAT DANIEL’S FLEDGLINGS WILL BE LIKE — !! 🥸

#vampire chronicles #trauma hole theory #armand #marius de romanus #daniel molloy #deep ass thoughts about vampires #anne rice #i talk a lot sorry #im having an exciting saturday night #i just watched martyrs with my cats and now i cry about armand

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