#or about how drawn he is to kind people who value life likely because he's hoping to find answers or a vicarious experience

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

When discussing or analyzing Dazai, one thing I hope you will keep in mind when reading anything I write about him is that from my perspective, he is always, always both.

What do I mean by this? Well, I find there tends to be a general split among people who hold the opinion that "he's a manipulator and will always be manipulative" and "he's doing his best to be good and helpful and live up to Oda's last wishes for him", of which, neither is completely right - because he is both. But even among the people who hold to this dual-nature interpretation, I find that his individual actions and motivations still tend to be thought of in a dichotomous manner - is it manipulative, or genuine?

Again, I think it's always both.

Dazai has a very pragmatic view on a lot of things - he is always looking for the usefulness of things and people so that the situation turns out in his favour. He's incredibly adept at this, and his prediction and placement and careful reveals are all manipulation tactics to get his allies and enemies doing exactly what he needs them to. I don't think anyone can contest this since we see it over and over in the series.

But that's not all there is to it. He's not solely manipulative and he does, to some extent, sympathize with others - I think there are several instances of this in the series, but I want to stress that this has been apparent since Chapter 1!

For context, Dazai is recalling what Atsushi said to him a few minutes earlier, but it's very interesting that it should be this specific part of the conversation. He could've flashed back to the part where Atsushi said he had nowhere to go; no money, no food - he is about to trick him into joining, after all, and this is the key piece he uses to basically force Atsushi into the Agency. But instead it's Atsushi's self-deprecation that catches his attention, and it really does, because even during the conversation, he turns to look at him after he says this with an odd expression.

You could say that this makes Atsushi easier to manipulate, if that's your angle, but that can't be solely it, because in the later conversation with Hirotsu, we know Dazai was planning to bring Atsushi into the Agency and set him up as one half of the new Double Black the moment he met him. The panel shown there is the riverbank, set much earlier in the day than this scene. He was already planning to pair him with Akutagawa since he figured out he was the tiger, so what's with this reaction?

Well. Sometimes the simplest explanation is the best.

He manipulated Atsushi into joining with the intention of utilizing him in his future plans. He also helped him and gave him a place to belong, and importantly, he likes this kid! It's both.

I think much of it might be that his brain just kinda works way too fast - he's such a natural at crafting these elaborate plots and seeing how things connect and gathering useful people like resources that it's practically automatic - though this is not a great means when you're trying to be a kinder person. There's an omake, I believe, that has him saying "I like using my head for justice", i.e. using these underhanded means to act for the better. Not great, but those are the kind of gifts he has. He's way more suited to exploitation, but is choosing to use these tactics to save people now, which is quite reminiscent of what he tells Kyouka. Kyouka's talents lie in killing people - when what you're good at isn't who you want to be, what do you do? Well, I expect you use what you have, even if it's not ideal.

Now, about the current situation with Sigma - I think he definitely likes him, and is intrigued by him and his situation. We did get a little thought bubble where the guy amusedly compares him to Atsushi, and you can't tell me he doesn't care about Atsushi (listen to the onsen drama cd, or read 55 Minutes if you somehow don't believe me). But also, it's undeniable that Sigma is in a very vulnerable position of being homeless and having had no one be genuinely kind to him before. His trust is very easy to earn, and with the latest chapter, Dazai has now saved his life multiple times. There is, as always, a practical purpose he needs him for. And I have to be somewhat amused because Dazai is quite literally telling Sigma everything he ever wanted and needed to hear. It's a brilliant means of quickly endearing himself to Sigma - but I don't think that's all it is.

Look. The most honest moments we get in this series from Dazai are, interestingly for an expert manipulator, when people are at their most vulnerable. In spite of every pointlessly cruel act he inflicted on Akutagawa, his first meeting with him was open and transparent; much like the orphanage director, it seems he thought this treatment would make him strong and adaptable (he's wrong but that's not the point of this). He cuts Kyouka off in irritation and says "don't give me that" when she implies that she would fail the entrance exam. He tells Atsushi it's normal to cry after losing a father figure and to feel however you feel, even if that person caused you nothing but incredible pain and cannot be forgiven. He refuses to entertain Sigma's assumptions that Dazai sees himself as a superior being to him.

Selective honesty can also be utilized to great effect; Mori does this, and undoubtedly it serves this purpose for Dazai too. But I want to stress that I do sincerely believe this is all still honesty from him. Manipulation, or genuine?

Both. It's both.

#or to summarize: Dazai is a gemini (derogatory) #<- said as a fellow gemini (also derogatory) #the few exceptions to the always both rule are basically any of his interactions with odasaku #and the bit in sb where he tells chuuya about what activating corruption will entail #most everything else appears to have a dual reason. #to be clear: there's lots of ways to interpret dazai - but this is the approach i personally use in my analyses #so i'd love it if you guys would read my dazai analyses keeping this standpoint in mind :) #i think instead of debating 'is dazai bad' which is seriously kind of irrelevant to me #i'd love to talk a bit more about how dazai is actually quite helpful but also equally presumptuous about what will help people #we could also talk about the fine line between protectiveness and possessiveness with him too. #or about how drawn he is to kind people who value life likely because he's hoping to find answers or a vicarious experience #anything except the 'is he good or bad' debate. i don't like it. :/ #bsd #bsd meta #bsd analysis #bsd dazai #storyrambles #oof i never know how things like this are going to go over.

[cepheustarot]

What will be your future spouse's first impression of you?

Attention! This reading is for entertainment purposes only. This tarot reading does not give a 100% guarantee that all the described situations will occur or being ultimate truth. You build your own life and destiny and only you know yourself best.

Paid readings

Pick a pile. Choose one or more pictures. Trust your intuition.

Pile 1: Your future spouse sees you as a determined, persistent person who moves without stopping and overcomes all life’s difficulties. He’ll think you’re a strong person, with a strong character, you’re the kind of person who takes control, who can turn good luck and success to his side. He sees you as a determined person, you’re brave, you’re full of life energy, you have lively speech and emotional expression, he is drawn to you. In a word, you are a role model, able to inspire people by their actions and achievements. At the same time, he considers you a rather private person who prefers not to talk about himself and does not like to go into the details of his life, you are careful and attentive to people and not everyone is ready to open up. He also thinks you’re too honest, too direct and tell the truth to the face. He also thinks that you’re the kind of person that is called melancholic,  you can often be seen with a sad face or tired, and he thinks you’re a sensitive person, sentimental, vulnerable. 

Speaking of how he feels around you, you are like a breath of fresh air to him, you are like someone new in his life, such people he had never met before, and if he did, communication with them did not last long. Next to you, he feels calm, comfortable, harmonious and peaceful, he believes that you are the one who understands him in many things, who shares his views. He also trusts you, wants to share his innermost thoughts, personal things. 

Pile 2: Your future spouse sees you as a person who works hard to achieve his goals, but he feels that you can put too much effort into something that is not worth your time, he may not understand your priorities and goals. He also sees you as a hesitant person who has difficulty making a choice or generally choosing one of all the available options, and overall he thinks that you have in priority close people and you choose what is beneficial for them, sacrificing your interests and your comfort. Along with that, he sees you as a person who is content with what gives him life, values every opportunity and takes every chance that gives him life. You are a kind, caring person who seeks well-being in life and harmony, does not like to get involved in conflicts and settles all disputes peacefully. 

At first, you might not be able to communicate, it was difficult to find common themes and keep talking to you, it was very disturbing to him, but in time you will still be able to get hold of something in common and communication with you will no longer be so difficult, but on the contrary it will bring joy. Next to you he forgets all the hardships of life, detached from the problems, you to him as something comfortable, as safe place. He is also looking for any opportunity to please you, he is looking for a way to approach you, to gain your attention, because he considers you a very attractive person with a good heart. 

Pile 3: Your future spouse sees you as a person of authority, who has a good reputation, he considers you a confident person and his strength, you are  firm in decision and adhere to your principles. He also thinks you’re a bit of a powerful person who can put anyone in their place. This makes him feel that for you priority career and personal growth, as you spend a lot of time working/studying and are fully focused in this field. You also look like a mysterious person with your innermost secrets, and that attracts him, your aura attracts him, he wants to know you more and better. You’re also very perceptive and see right through people. 

Speaking of how he feels around you: he likes to communicate with you, he considers you an interesting interlocutor, most of your conversations are intellectual and touch upon the subject of philosophy, he likes your thinking and the way you think. In general, next to you, he has a good mood, pleasant feelings and emotions. He will also patiently seek your attention, and although it will take a long time, he will not regret it and will be sure that it is worth time and resources. He also understands that he can meet competitors on his way, but this does not embarrass or stop him, on the contrary, it serves as a motivation for him. 

#tarot #tarot cards #pick a card #pick a card reading #tarot reading #pick a pile #pick a pile reading #pac

[rdr2gifs]

''the morning light, when it comes to me, it was there but I could not see''

Arthur’s life was profoundly shaped by his self-hatred, lack of self-worth and disbelief in the existence of kindness in a seemingly dark and cruel world.

I strongly disagree with the statement that Arthur only became a ‘’better’’ man after being diagnosed with tb. His struggle with his true/inner self is apparent as early as chapter one. ‘’You are not who you think you are, sir… which is lucky’’

He has lived a rough life, raised by criminals and surrounded by violence ever since he was born. It was installed in him early that his value lied within being a violent enforcer and he has lived this life since, knowing nothing else. As a highly aware person, Arthur's actions weight heavy on his soul. He accepts that his actions have consequences. He knows that a person who has caused so much suffering is not meant to have happiness in life. His way of life has caused him to believe that he is not worthy of love or redemption. He doesn’t want to believe that a person like him could be capable of any good. (a thing to note here is that imo, Arthur’s actions near his death weren’t attempts at redemption but rather a strong desire to do right and possibly be his true self.) This is why he keeps living as he does as it’s the only thing he’s ever known, it’s the thing that brings him profit, praise from the person he looks up to and he is already damned so he might as well continue living this life anyway.

The internal problem Arthur faces is that this violent, cruel way of life doesn’t align with what I’d call his true self/ideals. He is torn between the harsh reality he has known and an unconscious yearning for righteousness/love. To be able to carry on with his actions he must enforce certain ideals within himself, such as: I am bad, ugly, nasty, ignorant, mean etc. He also decides to see the dark side of reality, telling himself that the world is a grim dark place and this is just as things were meant to be. This is why he feels so uncomfortable being complimented for his good deeds, because a bad rotten person like him should not be able to do good. It breaks the image he has built for himself and he doesn’t want that happening. This can be seen a lot during the ‘’Money Lending and Other Sins’’ missions where he is unusually mean (even for his standards) to each of the debtors. Imo, he acts this way because he must truly convince himself of being a terrible man to be able to carry out a job which revolts him so badly. In the last debt collecting mission with J. John Weathers, it can be seen in his face/expressions how much he is struggling to put on a tough, uncaring, heartless act. He needs to maintain a ruthless persona to survive in the world he knows. He must convince himself of his own cruelty.

''Forgive me, but that's the problem. You don't know you.''

Contrary to Arthur’s beliefs, he is a naturally kind-hearted person who is unconsciously drawn towards kindness. And yes, even before he was diagnosed with tb. This can be seen in the people he respects the most and, in his willingness to help strangers (notice how he often does unnecessary acts of service for total strangers such as: carrying their things, holding out hands etc. even though they had already troubled him). Despite the life he has lived, Arthur does not enjoy violence, he does not enjoy hurting people. He doesn’t want to dominate over others. He thinks mostly about others and not about himself. This fact alone is very telling of his character.

He writes about Charles, a man who he truly respects: ‘’He’s a better man than me. He does not need to think to be good. It comes naturally to him, like right is deep within as opposed to this conflict between GOOD↔EVIL that rages within me.’’ A man who is not struggling with his inner self would not have written this. To me this clearly implies an inner desire to be a better man. He writes about his mentors: ‘’I love Dutch like a father, but in many ways, I love Hosea even more. He’s kind and fair and like a human being. Dutch is something else.’’ Clearly showing a preference for Hosea who is of a more gentle nature and shows genuine kindness. Unsurprisingly, these are the people who see through his dumb/though act and encourage him to drop it.

When he comes across Brother Dorkins for the first time, he writes: ‘’(he)was one of those innocent people who make you feel better about human beings and about yourself a little. Must be odd to see all that goodness in the world. Place always seemed dark and brutal to me.’’ Expressing how he does not see goodness in the world, implying lack of good examples/kindness/good experiences in his life. Yet, the monk leaves an impression and imo, this encounter (seeing genuine goodness) disrupts Arthur’s perception of what the world truly is. ‘’Just as evil begat evil your whole life long, so good may begat good’’ (what strengthens my belief in this, is the following, symbolic scene of Arthur realising the consequences of his actions right after picking up a crucifix. He was aware of them before sure, but is unable to truly ignore them now having seen it right in front of his eyes). If only Arthur was presented with more examples of goodness in his life.

''You have it in you... I can tell!''

His desire to do as much good as possible after realising he won’t live long is instant. This would not be the mindset of someone who did not already possess kindness in his heart. ‘’Know glory and forget about shame.’’ Arthur’s shame and self-loathing caused by his previous actions were what was holding him back from allowing kindness into his life. Knowing that he has limited time left has not made him into someone he wasn’t before. The diagnosis was a catalyst, allowing him to embrace that love/goodness truly does exist and accelerate the process of chipping away from the persona he has made for himself. This was a newfound understanding for him as in the past he was rejecting any notion of kindess. In himself and perhaps the whole existence of it. ‘’You keep hidden all that matters, even from yourself.’’

After being diagnosed, he writes: ‘’What kind of a man have I been? What kind of a man am I? What world is this we live in? A land of fury or a place of love? Am I being prepared for eternal damnation? Am I past any kind of saving? Is that all fairytales? Man ain’t got much good in him. I ain’t got no good in me… I don’t think and yet I see goodness. I see it. If not in me, in good folk. In Abigail and her love for Jack. In that silly monk. In Downes, I guess. Begging not for himself but for the poor, even though he was near starving himself. Maybe I don’t want salvation. Part of me has always longed for death.’’ This entry perfectly shows how deep Arthur’s self-loathing goes and just how much it has damaged him. As his journal allows a look into his true feelings, he truly does not see a single good thing about himself. He knew for a long time that the way he lives is detestable but he could not let go of it. Not because he didn’t want to, but because it’s all that he has ever known. He didn’t believe in anything else. This sudden acceptance of goodness has allowed him to see clearly, which was obscured from him before, and for the first time, enabled him to act free of past regrets for what is right.

⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪

Arthur’s redemption is not about becoming a good man. It is about finding the strength to change and recognise your true self despite a lifetime of self-loathing and breaking free from destructive beliefs of the past.

In Arthurian legends a stag is a symbol of the unending quest of spiritual knowledge/enligtenment

#this is my own personal interpretation of arthur's redemption #i could expand so much more on this #the orange quotes are by blind man cassidy #please don’t even interact if you think arthur was just a killer incapable of goodness before he was diagnosed #the ironic thing is that so many people could see behind arthur’s front but he was blind to it #arthur morgan #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 #this analysis is based purely on high-honor choices #i don't care if your arthur shoots up entire towns this analysis does not take individual open-world gameplay decisions into account #i did almost cry thinking about this #text post

[fangirleaconmigo]

I will never not laugh when I see someone say “Jaskier is useless.”

People have watched so many superhero movies that they think everyone has to glow or shoot lasers to have value.

I mean…sure, yes...he is useless…IF you consider the human experience of friendship, love, and art a complete and utter waste of time. lmao.

Just because Yen is magical and Geralt is a warrior doesn't mean that this is a superhero group. It is not. Forget about the Avengers and the Justice League for a second. Forget about Star Wars. This is not a team formed to save earth. This is not a band of rebels throwing off imperialists.

The Witcher is a found family. Their most pivotal decision is to love and protect one(1) child. Their most important super power is love.

Geralt, Yen, and Ciri’s biggest problems are that people want to use them as tools. People see Geralt as a tool to rid them of inconvenient problems without having to get their own hands dirty. They see Yen as a tool to amass power, and they see both of them as rungs to use to get to the ultimate tool. Ciri.

Geralt, Yen, Ciri, these people are fucking exhausted. And I don’t mean they need naps (though they do). They are all that bone deep, hollow, exhausted that comes from having to battle every moment of every day to be seen as a PERSON. The kind of exhausted that comes from not being able to trust ANYONE because there is a price on your head.

Jaskier is their person. Yes it takes time to get there with Yen. But he gets there. He is their port in the storm. He would never turn them in not for any amount or any gift or anything. He is the person that they know beyond a shadow of a doubt does not give a fuck about power and who isn’t capable of seeing them as anything but friend shaped. Person shaped. They are his folks.

He is important to them because how do you even keep going with the world against you, without at least one person who just loves you for you? Who just loves your bad jokes and your navel gazing and who sees your prickliness for what it is? Vulnerability?

Wouldn’t you fold and give up without that? Without friendship? What would the story be then?

And for Mr Jaskier, that’s not even getting to the crucial deeply important cultural role that troubadours play in a world with no television or internet or data storage. It’s not even touching on his role as a narrator, historian, and world builder. And that’s not even getting to the 'art is an integral, crucial part of this fictional universe, (just like it is in real life)' part of it.

It’s not even touching on the fact that his “gossip” often turns out to be critical intelligence and his fame and political savvy are constantly bailing them out of trouble.

We don’t need to!

If you can look at Geralt *gestures at his whole deal* and not see that this poor man needs a friend more than literally anything else in the world...then I cannot relate. And if you can look at Yen and Jaskier or Ciri and Jaskier and not see how beautiful that is, people drawn together by the undeniable need for found family and the undeniable value of loyalty in a shitty world, then I don’t know, man. We are on different ass wavelengths.

#the witcher #jaskier #geralt of rivia #yennefer of vengerberg #cirilla fiona elen riannon #thinking about jaskier yet again #thinking about dandelion yet again #thinking about the witcher books yet again

[cinnamonest]

Alright, we need to know. Who are top members of the "looking at women, who're minding their own business, and talking about how sad and concerned you are for them because 'with the way they are, they'll end up single and childless for the rest of their lives and no high value man would give them a chance," club? Like on a sclae of 1-10 how delusional would they become after they realize said woman doesn't give a shit?

Honestly one of my favorite tropes is the whole, “nooo what are you doing living your own life you're supposed to be someone's wife and having babies” thing. Like it has both benevolent aspects (the whole “you'll be happier this way” part) while also having malevolent aspects (the “you're a resource to be used and the resource is being wasted” part).

Like, even irl, there are some men who are like. Discombobulated. Baffled. At the suggestion that a woman can have other priorities in life. The sheer reeling disbelief when he sees a woman that's like 30+ with NO kids, NO husband. Unbelievable. It must be so awful for you, you must be so sad and desperate. Equally worrisome is that you might end up accepting some inferior, unsuitable guy that doesn't have the same Husbandly Quality™ of someone like himself, tragic…

But yes I’ve been thinking about this concept ever since the Diluc escape fic, and I know I’ve talked about him with that concept before, but consider CHILDE would be such a major candidate.

Childe is hopelessly drawn to you if you’re mean.

It’s honestly not healthy for his sake either, but it’s far worse to be on the receiving end. He can’t help it, it’s like waving meat in front of a hungry dog, an irresistible urge to have you.

You’re not exactly high rank, but not much of a subordinate, you’re more of an “other” category, you keep records and files and do a lot of scribe work for a division of units you’re assigned to. Unfortunately for you, higher-ups such as harbingers end up consulting you quite often for records and information… well, most of the time, they send someone else to do such a menial task for them, but he always comes in-person, waltzing in all cheerful and full of youthful energy — and loud, God. You wonder if parents these days have stopped teaching their kids about having an inside voice, because this kid certainly is unfamiliar with the concept.

You scowl, evident disgust on your face as you lazily sort through your records, not about to show any urgency for someone so annoying. You were kind of hoping to irritate him, even. But alas, he’s equally smiley and talkative when you hand him what he’s looking for.

Far too talkative. You’ve already handed him what he needs. Why is he still in here? Now he’s talking to you, asking you the dumbest questions about if you like working here and what you do and blah, blah. You didn’t ask for this. You force yourself to give answers, albeit blunt and short as possible, mostly consisting of yeah-s and sure-s, before the annoyance becomes too much and you ask through clenched teeth if he needs anything else or if he’s done here, an all-too-obvious hint to leave.

Thus marks the beginning of the bane of your existence, because unfortunately, by the will of some malicious higher power, he comes back. Regularly. Habitually. Eventually you start noticing that he isn’t even retrieving anything, half of the time, he’s coming in just to annoy you.

See, for him, it’s not just attraction, but a weird sort of pride thing. That initial coldness draws him in, because it presents a sort of challenge. He’s now overheard other people say the same thing, that you’re cold and mean to everyone.

Based on looks alone, he thinks, you’re old enough that you should be married. Maybe that’s why you’re so mean, you’re just bitter or something. Maybe you had bad luck and got hurt a bunch and now you’re all guarded. That’s actually kind of cute.

Naturally… well, naturally for him and whatever’s wrong with him, at least, it sparks an obsession. He likes chases, challenges. Things that are hard to get are that much more satisfying to obtain, you know? The feeling of having won, the feeling of being better than everyone else, knowing that he accomplished something other people can’t and now reaps the rewards, and the pride and ego boost that comes with it — that sort of thing is an intoxicating fuel, a motivator unlike anything else one could offer him. This does not combine well with the fact that he’s young and hot-blooded and in possession of a hair-triggered sexual aggression, not to mention a sense of pride for which the word ‘no’ doesn’t have any meaning.

It’s kind of sad though. Wasting your life away in some menial job, you’ll be so lonely and regretful.

You’re very lucky, then, that he takes pity on your plight. It will all work out.

Because he can fix you.

And he knows that that's just how you are — he's already composed multiple potential sad backstories that explain your behavior in a way that makes you seem cutely pitiable, that writes off your attitude as being ultimately due to being sensitive and afraid of vulnerability, very endearing — he's not deterred by you pushing him away.

In fact, he realizes, once you've opened up to him and he's forced you to expose the vulnerable side of yourself, you'll probably feel bad for all the times you were mean to him. You'll shuffle even closer (in the scene that plays out in his mind, see, you'll be in bed, naked, face buried against his chest, all clingy and needy) and quietly sheepishly mutter out apologies and ask him to forgive you.

Or maybe after a while, if he keeps being nice to you, you'll break down and cry and be more honest about how sad and lonely you are and how much you need him and then he'll be right there to hold you close and promise to be there for you, it'll be really sweet and will make him very happy. He's already planned out several lines to say that should elicit enjoyable reactions.

It will be so cute. It will feel so good. It’s just a matter of winning you over at this point.

Which, you see, proves to be the difficult part.

He’s getting there, he’s certain, you’re just a little more stubborn than he anticipated.

He’s already started trying to work his way there, during his regular visits. He’s already asked you if you’re married, watched the way your face turned all sour the moment the word came out and the way you rolled your eyes before you muttered a no. Ah. Sore spot, then, as expected.

And then asks if you have kids — because the first answer doesn't necessarily negate that possibility, and ‘jaded single mom with a bad ex' is one of the potential backstories he's theorized for you, so, it's worth asking. You still say no.

The ideal response, then, is—

That's too bad. You would make a good mother!

You narrow your eyes and glare like he's just said the most vile thing you've ever heard. But it's okay, it's cute that you’re so defensive (because you know he’s right and it’s what you really want).

It doesn't matter what you say, any words that come out of your mouth will be filtered through his delusions to match the reality he's already decided is the case.

You say you don't want to get married, this means you actually really do, you say you don't need a man, which means you actually really do and are aware of it and it bothers you, you say you're fine by yourself, which means you're very lonely, it's practically a cry for help.

He'll keep being nice, no matter how much you push back. He can tell it's just because you're sensitive. Maybe you think someone as young and charming as him wouldn't sincerely like you, and you're being defensive? That's probably it. Aw. That makes him feel good.

Poor thing. You're so defensive, so guarded. It's endearing, even if it's starting to get a little frustrating. But it will just take a little more work before he gets through to you, and then everything will work out perfectly… and then he’ll have a nice trophy for all his efforts, can savor the defeat and vulnerability you’ll show. You'll become so meek and submissive and it'll be just for him and no one else. It’ll be so nice. Just a little more time.

#i cant help but believe this man has the worst 'i can fix her' complex of any guy to ever live #.ch #.miso

[1-800-deactivatednearu]

woag character design notes

[i.d.: a drawn line up of the half life vr ai characters, from left to right, gordon, dr. coomer, tommy, bubby, gman, and benrey. /end i.d.]

yeah i skipped some guys , i dont draw some of them enough to have much unique designs and some of them are a png of a dog

trust me i am just surprised as the rest of yall that i am doing hlvrai art . design notes below (very long, mind your step)

gordon:

wow this guy dont got no head

i didnt want to give gordon a face because of how unexact the person is as the fandom engages with it. is it wayne rtvs? (well as presented to an audience, yes) is it gordon freeman? (well as seen from an in game perspective, yes) is it a whole new guy entirely? (well as

i cut the confusion and took it a whole new direction: guillotine

hlvrai being treated as a very broken game is fun to me as a design perspective, so if you (the audience) are not supposed to see his face, what happens when you see it anyways? missing texture time

there are eyes drawn over because i did not have confidence in my expressions at first and then it grew on me

i think if i were to draw (and i have drawn) an actual person under the mask i would still censor the eyes because that is where the vr headset sits!!

(i do not like putting an actual flesh to gordon though)

though i really like seeing how other people interpret gordon hlvrai it is not . my gordon ? we are talking about the same guy . but this is my gordo . i made this one . this guy my guy . maybe i should draw other gordon designs

i can draw the hev suit from memory and it is also the entire reason why i can render metal confidently

i liked how people changed the lambda to read ai :] i also have no clue if i wrote the lambda correctly

(i did, i just checked)

dr coomer:

as much as i draw/drew him i find it more fun to not stick to one set design :)

so a lot of my takes on dr coomer tend to jump from idea to idea, especially from what other people are doing, though they could be fitted to the left and right designs!

the left design is mainly based off what i saw in fandom spaces

we see rounder shapes, making for a more friendly and welcoming appearance

i think of this as straying from the more professional uniform of the actual scientist models

enter swimming shorts and bright yellow socks, for some reason

so now he kind of looks like a cool science teacher :)

it might be the lab coat

the right design is mainly based off thumbnails for hlvrai itself

these use a more angular appearance

i want to push how comically buff he is because of strength he shows at times, especially since his left design seems to completely down play it as a comically not buff man who is still very strong

the shadows on right design coomer get so much more harsh and exaggerated because i have comic books on the mind :)

he really does look like a dehydrated comic book character huh

tommy:

stick bug (he gets it from his dad) (this thought process is explained at gman section)

i pushed a lot of the saturation of colours in her design because i think tommy gets to be a little silly with it

fun art story of the day! when you color, try messing with hue! you might notice you can get away with a lot as long as your values are about right

i like pushing this with white because you can get away with a lot of things reading as “off white”

old faithful for me is cool shadows with a warm transition colour to keep things visually interesting

i keep making white objects the trans flag

happy pride

tommys design looks a little like a school boy, with the tucked in button up shirt+suspenders+shorts+jacket tied around the waist . and the primary colours . but like it is really fun to dress up so brightly

i actually was strongly inspired by medieval babies if that is a weird descriptor? i wanted him to both be a middle aged man but also a young adult

do not be like tommy, who has their finger on the trigger of the gun while not even looking at where it is pointing and good god he is squeezing the trigger . top ten firearm safety of all time

bubby:

the absurd part is that i think bubby is tall . he is just between tommy and gman who are exaggeratedly lanky .

i wanted to make bubby a pointy kinda guy, so he is the only one actually wearing the lab coat proper . and the only one actually wearing dress socks but not even wearing dress shoes

i wanted to give him a novelty tie but i was running low on ideas and running high on boreds so we dont get a tie

he does have crocs though!! in attack mode!!

i do think we all kind of saw his model and collectively decided it works for him because i have honestly not seen major divergences from his model?

gman:

stick bug

i wanted to stress the more spooky and unknowable nature of him and took it in the dark souls direction of “make bigger than player character”

maked too bigger

he cannot walk through any doorways but you will have to crane your neck to look up at him

in the opposite direction of tommy, i pulled a lot of the saturation in gmans design

it feels important to make them both not fully match the rest of the slightly less broken npcs because there was so much work to make them look cool so i have to respect that

actually a lot of gmans and tommys designs are made in opposite to one another

gman has a largely stationary face and very stiff line work

while tommy is pushed to expressive as possible

thats pretty fun, way to go me

benrey:

benrey also has two designs

and in both of these i keep getting too lazy to use a reference so  the vests are super plain (forgetting the badge and black mesa logo) . i think the helmet is supposed to be darker actually .

the design ethos of benrey was “built like a brick shithouse”

a friend of mine took this cooler and interpreted it as a shield/wall/barrier as a physical (and narrative) obstacle

again the first uses fandom designs

most notably the overcast shadow (seen in video thumbnails but i never noticed it or understood why so many people did it until someone pointed it out to me)

i think hlvrai is such a great medium because it acknowledges it is a game and is able to play into that to great effect! i think the shadow is fun to imagine as solid black as a small reminder of the impossibility of the space :]

benrey is a smug cat in the body of a human . to be honest . and this is the full range of emotion i have ever drawn him with

the second was mostly because as fun as taking creative liberties are, i just really wanted to see benrey as is: the half life security guard model in all its slight wonk :]

i actually do prefer this design . it is a little more uncanny because i choose the worst translations of the model . i like it because it is a little more uncanny !

that can be said for like . every single design in this line up huh .

#hlvrai #my art #gordon feetman #dr coomer #tommy coolatta #dr bubby #gman coolatta #benrey #half life vr but the ai is self aware

[hypersonic04]

Gold Rush

hello everyone! I thought that as a last hurrah to the summertime, I'd write something inspired by it. this was kindly suggested by @mybrokenveins3000, and i am so obsessed with the whole concept. i hope you all enjoy, let me know what you think! love u!

word count: 1,429

Your skin begs to soak up every last ray of late-August sunshine. The flashing lights and movie stars feel far away now, a life that belongs to someone else, someone who cares about things that, in this life, have no value. He’s golden, flickering, light pouring from him as you sit beside him in the convertible. The wind tickles at your skin, your eyes glued to him sat beside you. Linen shirt, sunglasses, hair sea-salt-ruffled. His skin has been kissed by the sun since you arrived here all but two weeks ago. You tip your head back, try to commit every last cobblestone and blade of grass to memory. The Italian summer has owned your heart for a while, but the silver R laid flat to your chest is forever, sacred, for eternity.

His fingertips are hot on your sticky skin, the breeze welcome as he carefully turns the wheel. Physically, his eyes are fixed forward, but they’re glassy, dreamy, starry. He looks like something you’d have drawn when you were 15, a figment of your imagination. You wonder how many other people would’ve drawn the same thing - what must it be like to grow up that beautiful? The jealousy that dares to make itself know disappears in an instant, his chocolate gaze melting into yours.

“Are you happy?" He asks you. You nod, wordlessly, because words could never be enough.

"Are you?"

"Very." His gaze returns to the road, swallowing heavily, the sweetest of smiles on his face.

The car takes a left, rumbling up the hill that leads us to our treasure trove, our castle. White stone walls, shutter blinds, a peach tree curving over the balcony. It's silent as the engine shuts off, except for the distant sound of a bird call. Your skirt is soft on your legs as you jog up the stone steps, Ross following closely behind, as ever. His hands on your waist, lips on the shell of your ear, light breaths sending you dizzy,

"Ross," you mumble through giggles, unable to put the keys in the lock for his touches. His presence in a room could do that to you, though, red often flushing to your face at the sight of him.

"What, can I not kiss my fiance?" He smiles against your cheek, emphasis on the latter.

Your engagement remains a secret from the world, from prying eyes, from anyone, really. He'd popped the question three days ago, the silver band on your finger new and novel, the sight of it startling, almost.

You turn around in his hold, back pressed to the wood of the door, head tilted upwards to meet his affirmed smirk, a smugness to it as he gazes down at you.

"Fiance." You breathe out, chest sinking as you sigh. He nods, inching closer and closer to your pink lips until they're pressed together. Your hands hold his face, stubble gravelly under your hot touch, your breath stolen by his kiss. He nods at you with drowsy eyes as he pulls away, smiling. The air is balmy, the dusky sky almost a shade of rust now.

He slips the key out of your fingertips, unlocking the door as you rest against it. Walking you backwards into the house, his hands are on your hips and he's laughing at something you've said, something cocky, the kind of thing that fascinated him in the bar that one night. A loud laugh, the kind that gets stuck in the air, tangled around your ear, lingering in the pits of your stomach on the nights you lay awake in the dark. You want it to sit there forever.

He lets you leave him to get changed, begrudgingly. You can hear him opening and closing cupboard doors as you tie your hair up, slipping out of the linen skirt you'd been wearing. Your skin is tan as you look at yourself in the mirror, bra and shorts the only suitable attire for the sweltering evening heat. The bedroom windows are wide open, and you find yourself gazing out of them for a second. You can see the ripple of lights on water, hear distant conversation from a restaurant you'd sat in a few days ago, the greenery hanging over the window close enough for you to touch. It's still, a stark contrast to your everyday life. You wonder what would happen if you didn't go back.

The sound of the balcony doors opening steals you from your daydream. Padding across the wooden floor, back into the living room, you spot the bottle of red wine he's placed on the table outside, ashtray and deck of cards next to the glasses. A smile spreads across your face, spotting him through the arch of the kitchen, shirt off as he places slices of watermelon on a plate.

He glances at you, then glances at you again as you walk out onto the balcony. You lean against it with a glass of wine in hand, surprised when his fingers ghost up your spine. They're soft, warm, home.

"Thank you for pouring me a glass." You smile, maintaining his eye contact over the rim of the glass.

"You're very welcome, my love." He kisses your temple before taking a seat at the table, leaning back and lighting a cigarette. He takes a drag of it, and you watch as his cheeks hollow. It's inviting, bewitching almost, watching his eyes graze across the view from your balcony, hair falling perfectly, lungs inhaling.

You take your seat across from him, shuffling the cards. He watches as you do it, flicking some ash into the ashtray between you both. You deal them out as he tells you about how George had asked how the holiday was going, how long you were staying, nodding along as he talks.

The wine flows too easily, your cheeks red and glowing as you stare at him dreamily. There's a purity to it, an innocence, your eyes glazed over like a teenager with a crush.

"You're staring." He chuckles, eyebrows raised.

"What, can I not stare at my fiance?" You giggle as you mirror his earlier words, watching his face contort as he laughs. The air is bursting with love, the seams of your bubble threatening to burst as your laughter bounces around, your belly warm and mind fuzzy. "Let me have a drag." You cock your head to his cigarette and hold our your hand.

"You're not smoking a cigarette, y/n." he shakes his head with a laugh. "When have you ever smoked?"

"When I've had four glasses of Bordeaux." you giggle. The sound that escapes your lips sends him dizzy, tilting his head a little so he can see every inch of your face, warmed up by the glow of the living room light falling through the doorway. He wants to bottle this noise, this moment, this feeling.

He puts it out before you can attempt to steal it, standing up to look over the balcony. His back is broad, muscles evident as he rests his forearms on the railings, dark eyes contemplating the scenery around him. It's dark now, little caverns of light hidden in the landscape, evidence of life. Your arms snaking around his waist don't take him by surprise, a kiss pressed to the centre of his back as you rest your head against it. His skin is hot, smooth under your touch, still glazed with sunscreen and aloe moisturiser. Memories of you in fits of laughter the day before, him wincing as you lathered the cold gel onto his back, running around the house like children - you're grateful they exist, you hope they stay as vibrant as they are right now.

You can hear the strum of a guitar from a bar lower down the cliff, faint and gentle in your ears, but enough to know it's something familiar. Humming along to it, he turns around and takes your hands in his, swaying ever-so-gently. He's twinkling, sparkling under your touch, cheeks tinted pink and eyes sleepy. You're drunk on red wine, dancing with your fiance on a balcony in Italy - if only you could freeze time.

His hands move to your waist, smooth and soft under his calloused fingertips, lips pressed to yours, tongues intertwining like ivy, like the way you think your souls might be. He walks you backwards, back through the balcony doors, hitting the wall of the hallway before you can catch your breath. He pulls away, eyes so close to yours, and if you could jump into them, you would.

#ross macdonald #the 1975 #1975 band #fanfic #matty healy #adam hann #george daniel #matty the 1975 #asks #ross macdonald x reader #ross macdonald fic #ross macdonald fanfiction #ross macdonald imagine #ross macdonald fanfic

[silverwhittlingknife]

How do you feel about Jack Drake?? What are your thoughts on him and Tim’s relationship?

Anon, I hope you were interested in a novel, because look, I am fascinated by Jack Drake.  He’s key to a whole lot of what I find compelling about Tim as a character, and if I were in charge of DC, I’d bring him back to life.  This would make Tim unhappy but would IMO make for good plotlines.

Jack and Tim’s relationship is Complicated (TM)...

Jack and Tim hug in Nightwing 20 / Jack impulsively yanks a TV out of the wall in Robin 45 / Tim grieves in Identity Crisis

“I could tell the truth.  But I don’t.” - Robin 66

...and it involves a whole lot of Tim lying, and feeling guilty about lying, and thinking about telling the truth, and choosing again and again to keep lying.

And I think that’s great.

Below the cut:

Shorter version - key points about Jack

Really long version - my gentler take (vigilantism is choir and Jack loves sports) vs. my harsher take (Jack has some major flaws)

Final thoughts

Shorter version - key points about Jack:

He’s a bad parent.  He’s self-centered, he consistently prioritizes his own comfort and interests over his son’s, and when upset, he does things like order Tim off to boarding school.

But he’s never a bad parent in an actionable way.  He’s not like David Cain or Arthur Brown, who are abusive monsters.  Jack’s not a monster!  He just...kinda sucks.

He genuinely loves Tim. If Jack’s aware that Tim’s disappeared or is in trouble, he’s always worried and upset.  He periodically resolves to be a better dad, and IMO he’s always sincere.

And Tim loves him, a lot.  Tim’s protective of him and worries about him when he’s kidnapped or in danger, and when they’re reunited, Tim’s really relieved and usually hugs him (and Jack hugs back!). 

...But they have very little in common, and that’s a problem. Jack doesn’t value the things that Tim values, or respect the people that Tim admires, or care about the things that Tim’s interested in.  Tim lies to him a lot, but that’s partly because he correctly guesses Jack wouldn’t respond well if he knew the truth of what Tim’s up to.

The Batfamily is a surrogate family that Tim’s drawn to because of the ways his real family doesn’t meet his emotional needs…but also he feels guilty about that and disloyal. (And to the extent that his dad recognizes what’s going on, he's jealous and resentful!)

Very long version:

(LISTEN I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS)

Okay!  So first: Jack’s a character who IMO is pretty up for interpretation.  You can interpret him very charitably, and make excuses for the bad behavior, and fill in the blanks sympathetically when situations are ambiguous; or you can interpret him uncharitably, and emphasize the bad behavior. I don’t think either approach is invalid - it depends on what kind of story you’re interested in!  I have enjoyed Bad Dad stories and also stories that redeem Jack.

My personal take on canon is that Jack and Tim’s relationship is in a gray area.  Jack's definitely neglectful, and he does prioritize other things over Tim, but he’s never so bad that Tim can easily reject him, and he's never so bad that Bruce could justify taking Tim away.  He's just...not great.  Tim loves him, and feels loyal to him, but it’s a very mixed-up complicated love.

I have a gentler take and a harsher one which I switch between as the spirit moves me. xD

My Gentler Take (tl;dr: vigilantism is choir and Jack loves sports)

Here’s the core conflict: Jack and Tim are very different people with different values.  Tim idolizes Bruce and Dick and vigilantism, and secretly gets involved, knowing his dad will hate it. He gets increasingly wrapped up in his secret world and lies to his dad...because if his dad finds out, he’ll make Tim quit.

This is a great setup for an ongoing comic.  It’s practical, because it provides endless potential for plotlines, and it’s nicely thematic, because it maps closely onto relatable real-life situations with extracurricular activities:

Tim the drama nerd whose dad thinks he’s playing football and not in the school play; 

Tim the closeted-queer kid secretly getting involved in his school’s politically-active Gay-Straight Alliance; 

Tim the choir kid whose dad only values making money and wants him to go into the family business (and Tim keeps promising himself he'll give up choir soon, definitely soon, but maybe he'll stay in just a liiiittle longer, because they need him, you see, the last tenor left town, so...); 

Tim the computer geek with the sports-obsessed dad (this one’s just canon);

etc. etc.  

The extracurricular metaphor works pretty well for Tim’s relationship to vigilantism.  Tim's involved in his "extracurricular" because he genuinely thinks it's important and fulfilling, and he values it and wants to be good at it. He idolizes Bruce and Dick because they're good at it. He's been collecting information about it since he was a little kid, and hiding it from his parents because he knows they wouldn't approve. And mayyyybe there's also an element of low-key rebellion against his dad, and maybe that's secretly part of the appeal. And yet also as Tim gets more and more invested, he starts to daydream: maybe I could tell my dad and he'd be proud of me and supportive. But he doesn't, because actually he knows his dad would be upset and angry and make him quit.

And - again, just like with lonely kids and extracurricular hobbies - one of the things that happens is that Tim starts getting his unfilled emotional needs met ... by people he knows through this secret hobby. And people like Bruce and Dick start turning into a surrogate family. Which Tim feels guilty about. And also as Tim gets more and more wrapped up in their world, he has to lie to his dad even more, which means the distance between Tim and his dad gets bigger and bigger and more and more unfixable.

I love this dilemma. It's simple, it's recognizable, it provides endless sources for conflict, and there's no obvious solution! Tim can't tell Jack: he'll make Tim quit! And Tim doesn't want to quit, because he loves choir / art / theater / whatever.  Yeah, it’s difficult, and there are challenges, and sometimes he has doubts...but at the end of the day, he cares about it a lot.  And everything he values is there, and all the people he admires and cares about are there, and all he wants in the world is to feel like he's one of them and belongs there. So he has to lie, even though he doesn't want to lie, and he feels guilty about it...

...but also he ends up lying more and more.

(Sidenote: I think it's important that Tim chooses to keep lying - Tim's narration often glosses this as "I have to lie to my dad," and that's certainly how it feels to Tim, but this... isn't quite true. He has to lie to his dad, because if he doesn't, his dad will get mad at him and try to stop him, not because he literally has no choice about it.)

Other Reasons Why I Like The "Secret Extracurricular" Interpretation

(tl;dr it complicates not just Tim's relationship with his dad, but also all his other relationships)

Tim's problems have some obvious parallels to Steph and Cass, who both become vigilantes while rejecting their evil supervillain dads. But Jack isn't evil. And that means the Tim-and-Jack relationship is ambiguous and complicated in ways that I like. Steph and Cass can just leave their Bad Dads in prison, and say good riddance, and feel very righteous and triumphant about it! Tim’s more complicated. Tim gets into vigilantism ostensibly out of duty and altruism, but secretly, he's also involved for straight-up selfish self-fulfillment reasons. He's lonely, and bored, and his life feels pointless, but he thinks that Bruce and Dick are cool and amazing and he wants to be a part of the things that they do.  When his dad gets jealous of Tim’s relationship to Bruce, and feels like Tim’s looking for a surrogate family, he’s... not wrong.

And the ways in which Jack is not Actionably Bad complicate things from Bruce's POV.  If Jack was a straight-up villain, it’d be an easy call to keep in touch when Jack finds out and makes Tim quit...but he’s not a villain, not really.  So what do you do?  Do you try to surreptitiously stay in touch with Tim even though you’re ignoring his dad’s express wishes and thus forcing Tim to sneak around?  Do you respect his dad’s wishes and stay away from Tim even though you have a years-long relationship at this point?  

Again: a bit similar to the extracurricular analogy.  Say you’re the choir director and you’ve built this whole relationship with a kid in the choir, and you’re an important mentor to him and you care about him etc. etc. etc.... and then right before a big performance, his dad finds out he’s been secretly involved, and yanks him out.  How would you react?  Well, maybe kind of in some of the ways Bruce reacts.  You replace him. You’re annoyed with him. You miss him. You want him to come back. You’re also worried about him.  You’re upset with his dad.  But also... what should you do, exactly?

Bruce and Alfred and Dick care about Tim as if he were part of their family, but he’s not part of their family, and there’s a lot of interesting tension there.

My Harsher Take

Jack never hits his son.  But his temper is a big deal.

In his worst moments, he takes out his anger on Tim’s stuff - wrecking his room, or ripping his TV out of the wall and confiscating it.  When he’s worried about Tim, he usually expresses that fear by yelling at him / punishing him / sending him away - threatening to send him to boarding school in Metropolis in Robin III, or threatening to send him to military school abroad in Robin 92, or actually forcing him to go to an all-boys' boarding school post-NML.  

This is bad behavior!  It is Not Good!  

And you can easily connect the dots to a bunch of Tim’s terrible coping mechanisms, like the constant lying and or the fact that Tim’s go-to methods for dealing with interpersonal conflict are 1) repress it and pretend it never happened (most of his fights with Bruce), 2) withdraw from the relationship until he can pretend the conflict doesn’t exist (when his friends get mad at him in YJ, he quits the team for a while), or 3) literally run away from home.

Also, Jack is a Manly Man with firm opinions about how men behave vs. how women behave, and he thinks boys shouldn’t be scared and thinks Tim should date hot girls and pushes Tim to work out and wants him to play football and expresses period-typical sexism, etc. etc. etc. ... and though obviously this wasn’t what the writers had in mind at the time, all of that is certainly interesting to read backwards in the light of Tim as a queer character.

More Disorganized Thoughts on Jack Drake

Tim’s our hero, so we’re naturally more sympathetic to him, but it’s also true that relationships are a two-way street, and Tim doesn’t value any of the things his dad values, either.  Jack at various points is shown to care about grades, business, money, boarding schools, archeology, football, a kind of macho bragging-about-dating-hot-women ethos, and a very public and performative kind of caring. Tim tends to respond with discomfort or disinterest or even disgust.  When Jack gets on TV to try to rally the government to save his son from No Man’s Land, Tim isn’t touched—he’s mortified.  When Jack makes some bad investments and loses money, Jack’s deeply upset and his self-image is majorly impacted, and far from being sympathetic, Tim’s annoyed and kind of contemptuous of the idea that this is a problem.  Jack thinks fishing in the early morning and going to tennis matches is a fun father-son activity; Tim finds it exhausting and tedious.  And so on.

This means that Tim often longs to be closer to his dad in theory, but this longing is more tied to fantasy than to reality. He rarely seems to enjoy spending time with His-Dad-The-Actual-Person.  So for example, when Tim’s deadly ill with the Clench, he has an extremely poignant fever dream about telling his dad the truth and getting hugged…even as he insists in real-life to Alfred and Dick that he does not want them to tell his dad what’s going on.

The same is true of Jack, who IMO genuinely wants to be closer to his son and is continually declaring that he’s going to turn over a new leaf and get closer to his son…and just as continually backs out of activities or loses his temper when faced with spending time with his actual son.

Tim and his dad sadly get along best—by far—in Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder situations.  When Jack gets kidnapped or is in danger, Tim worries for him (and Tim grieves him deeply when he dies).  When Tim disappears or runs away, Jack’s genuinely worried about him.  So e.g. they have a really moving emotional reunion and hug when the earthquake hits Gotham, and Tim panics about his dad’s safety and comes running home (and meanwhile Jack’s been panicked about Tim’s safety!).  It’s the day-to-day, regular life stuff where they don’t connect.

Jack's written quite differently by different writers. Mostly, Tim's parents are at their least likable in his early appearances and early miniseries (this is where you get, for example, Jack and Janet being nasty at each other while a pained employee looks on, and Tim disappointed to once again get news of where his parents are via postcard - "I guess that sums them up! Never know where they’re going to be–or when–or even how long!” - and Tim alone on school break, and Bruce and Alfred thinking there's something weird going on with Tim's parents, etc. etc.). Jack's more sympathetic but still often unlikable in most of Tim's Robin solo, and he's almost invisible (but positively treated if he does show up) in Tim's team books.

For obvious reasons, Jack's remembered way more sympathetically after his death. Tim's completely devastated by Jack's murder, which he arrives moments too late to prevent, and he basically never gets over it. We see him grieving Jack again and again in Robin, and also in Teen Titans, and also in Resurrection, and again in the Halloween Special, and again in Batman: Blackest Night, and all the way up to the end of Red Robin. Tim also grieves for an extended time over Janet - he hallucinates a happy reunion with her when he's feverish in Contagion, and hallucinates her in the final issue of Robin, and the reveal-your-buried-emotions song in Robin 102 brings up his grief for her too (meanwhile, other characters dance or laugh or otherwise get giddy).  Tim’s grief over his parents’ deaths is intense and long-lasting.

I'm not going to clip comic panels because this is long enough, but if you're curious, here's a nice and fairly lengthy compilation of comic panels with Tim and Jack.

If you're interested in a Jack-centric story with a softer-but-still-recognizably-canon take on Jack, I really like the way Jack’s narration is written in the one-shots Heart Humble (set shortly before Jack dies) and Never a Hero (Ra's resurrects him during Brucequest, and Jack's archeology skills turn out to be unexpectedly useful).

#tim drake #jack drake #ask tag #i wrote this ages ago and now i can't remember what i was going to add to it so oh well draft amnesty? sorry for the long wait anon!! <333 #anyway i kept this carefully on topic and virtuously did not derail into talking about the other blorbo but tags are for disorganization SO #for me this kinda half-in half-out place where tim is with the batfamily is SUCH an interesting part of his relationship with dick #and i never stop turning it over in my head #he's kiiiinda replaced dick in that he's robin - but in a very real way he *hasn't* - he's NOT bruce's new son the way jason was #and early!tim makes a BIG POINT of how bruce is not his dad #and i think this relative distance from bruce is a huge factor in why dick is able to build a close relationship with tim at all #(because dick's still pretty estranged from bruce!) #and there's such interesting tension there when dick starts jokingly calling tim ''little brother'' or when villains call them brothers #because they're NOT. increasingly they would both LIKE to be brothers! but dick has zero official standing in tim's life #if tim got hit by a car in his civilian identity bruce and dick wouldn't even be able to visit him without his dad's permission #which jack would be pretty unlikely to give! jack doesn't like or trust bruce! #or like. this is morbid. but if tim died. dick wouldn't even be invited to the funeral you know? #and there's such interesting tension there for me in the contrast between this vigilante relationship that's very very close #but in their civilian lives no one would assume they're anything in particular to each other #anyway the 1st half of tim's robin solo has this thread of tension between tim's family life vs. his vigilante life (plus his mom's death) #and then the second half + red robin has the thread of struggling with grief in a world that's not fair + feeling lost/alone #and these two threads are a big part of my interest in tim as a character! jack's the backdrop that makes a lot of stories possible

[not-poignant]

Birthday Spotlight - Crielle ferch Fnwy

[18 April - Aries]

Crielle ferch Fnwy is the matriarch of the An Fnwy estate, a beautiful, evil Machiavellian supervillain who has been manipulating the Seelie Court and her family for tens of thousands of years, while giving the appearance of being a perfectly loving Seelie fae who only cares about truth and justice.

Mother of Gwyn ap Nudd, and aunt of Efnisien ap Wledig, Crielle is actually only rarely seen in stories, but has an explosive impact regardless, due to the trauma she inflicts or causes others to inflict on our main characters.

‘You’re not mine. You may have stolen from our family legacy, you may have parasitised our reputation, you may have even exploited and ruined the things about our appearance that make us – not you – beautiful. But you are not, you have never been mine. If you felt a short, sharp shock when you came into the world, my darling, it was my hands around your throat while your father tried to pull me off you. ‘Imagine, if you will, my dear, reprehensible thing. Imagine the first time you came back to me after we sent you away to play with Efnisien. Oh you were only twelve or thirteen? What a lovely idea that was. And Efnisien had you for hours. I told him to use knives. He liked them so, and he didn’t think he’d be allowed. So precious. And I heard the distant echo of your screams like a faint, familiar melody all throughout my day. A time when they stopped because he gagged you perhaps? Or your voice gave out? Tsk. He is – was – so crude. But still...effective. And do you remember? Oh, my creature, imagine it... ‘You came home hours later, hours after Efnisien. You were broken and cut and bleeding and so, so ruined. And you stumbled into the house, and there I was waiting for you. Breathless, actually. And you stared at me as though I would – what? – tell you that Efnisien had crossed a line, gone too far? Do you remember what I did?’ ‘You smiled at me,’ Gwyn said, his voice rough and rusty.

Game Theory

Game Theory: Introduced as the manipulative, evil, and cruel mother of the King, Crielle starts off with Cinderella stepmother vibes, until you realise that Gwyn's her only son and she can't stand him, favouring his cousin Efnisien instead. A torturer, abuser, schemer, and conniving Machiavellian figure, she ultimately has been puppeting the Seelie Court for thousands of years, and is the cause of Gwyn attaining, and then losing, his Kingship.

It's safe to say that Crielle has never been the Most Valued Player of any story.

The Court of Five Thrones: While Crielle only has a very brief appearance in this story, her presence is felt throughout. We find out more about her feelings towards Gwyn, through journals he discovers in her house after her murder at Augus' hands.

The Drawn Bead: In a story that explores Gwyn's first love, Crielle is there as a forbidding, tormenting figure, ruling Gwyn's life with an invisible, oppressive kind of terror.

The Curse: The only story which features Crielle's perspective, we see her as a child, a teenager, an adult, and learn about her dangerous proclivities, how her family did and didn't deal with them, and the depth of her love for a select few people, a love that she gave to Gwyn right up until the moment he was born.

Fae Tales – Alternative Perspectives: Crielle is only here briefly, but we see more of her dialogue with Gwyn, and more of Augus' perspective about her.

Underline the Black: Crielle here emerges as a cruel villain to Efnisien, in a flipped/reversed narrative where Gwyn is her beloved child, and Efnisien is nothing more than a neglected science experiment. Efnisien's life is at the mercy of Crielle's whims, and she puts him first in Hillview (an institution) to put him out of sight and out of mind, but as soon as he causes too much trouble for her, she won't hesitate to strike him down.

The Spoils of the Spoiled: In which Crielle even in the human world as a human herself proves that she can be just as evil as ever. Ruler of the household, torturer of Gwyn (and later, we learn, Efnisien), and clearly involved in corruption and organised crime, Crielle lives her best life in this story until Gwyn tries to legally emancipate himself from the family.

Falling Falling Stars: In the follow up to The Spoils of the Spoiled, Efnisien - previously thought of as the beloved and protected 'adopted' child of Crielle's - reveals over time the verbal, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse he suffered at her hands through therapy sessions with Dr Gary. Over time, we realise that no one is safe from her influence.

Crielle is very 'classically' beautiful, with blonde hair that has a slight wave in it, that generally falls down to her shoulders. She has azure eyes, a shade of blue almost never found among humans (even when she's human). She wears only enough make-up to accentuate her eyes and perfect lips, and maintains a very 'natural' effect to her beauty. It looks effortless and perfect enough that many who are experienced with beauty routines know she puts a lot of time into her appearance.

Crielle is asexual, sex repulsed, and aromantic.

Crielle is common fae, and while she's affected by the curse that Olphix cast upon the family, I like to think she'd still be pretty awful.

Born into a family in which some members are predisposed to sociopathic behaviour, Crielle was one of the worst and was not encouraged by her parents to be the way she is. Many people assume that she was abused into her evilness, but she wasn't.

To me, the concept or alienness of someone who is as evil as Crielle simply because she was 'born that way' is very fascinating to me.

Incredibly intelligent and perceptive, her few weaknesses are around the (few) people she loves and the way she will indulge them, as well as anything that threatens her reputation.

In Game Theory, when we finally realise that she is at the centre of Gwyn's devotion, standing there watching his humiliation, reacting in disgust to being called 'Mama' in a moment of vulnerability from her own son.

In Falling Falling Stars, Efnisien calls Crielle, and it becomes quickly clear that she holds no love in her heart for Efnisien when she calls him a 'ghost' and reminds him that ghosts are very easy to kill, making it clear she still wants him dead, and only inertia/disinterest is keeping her from following through because she'd already killed him once.

Always really fucking evil and irredeemable.

Frankly dies a lot.

Always a bit of a mad chemist. In Fae Tales she is a literal chemist and inventor of many different poisons. This has carried over even in to her human incarnations where in the Spoils universe she uses her knowledge of science to cultivate, create, or acquire poisons and viruses and bacteria to insert into Gwyn's food. And carries even more strongly into the Underline universe, where she runs one of the most successful synthetic hormone companies in Australia.

Visibly stunning.

Cares a great deal about reputation.

Usually loves Efnisien. Underline is the first series that has flipped the narrative so that Gwyn is beloved and Efnisien is loathed.

Kind of disdains her husband, who has no power over her.

Crielle is a real figure in Welsh mythology, though she was never meant to be an evil figure. Nor is she Gwyn's mother in the mythology. A sign of just how intensely I've bastardised everything for my own purposes.

She is good friends with the Ratcatcher of Hameln.

I wanted Crielle to be an example of how you can't expect that someone perfectly beautiful is a good person. I also really wanted to write a woman villain. I felt like a lot of woman villains at the time that I was seeing or reading were often written as petty or just in ways that made them somehow 'weak.' The appeal of Crielle is that she's an extremely effective villain and the only thing that stops her is her death (with the exception of Falling Falling Stars).

Despite how awful she is, I really love her! I'd write her more, but she's too strong and powerful lmao and she ruins my character's lives too much.

Crielle's colours for me have always been cream, yellow, white and blue. It's hard to imagine her wearing anything else.

‘How perfectly disgusting,’ Crielle purred. ‘A little worm has learned how to use the phone. I thought I had a caterpillar once, that would turn into the most beautiful butterfly, but it turns out the only thing my sister’s loins are good for, are despicable little worms.’ ‘D-Do you hate me now?’ Efnisien whispered. Crielle laughed lightly. ‘Oh, oh, my darling, I don’t hate you.’ A moment of hope, strong and bright, a sudden dawn inside of him. ‘I feel nothing for you. As far as I recall, I killed my nephew, and you are nothing more than a ghost.’

Falling Falling Stars

#birthday spotlight #crielle ferch fnwy #falling falling stars #fae tales verse #fae tales #fantasy #original writing #original work #writing villains #fantasy writing #i love crielle so much honestly #she's the worst #i don't love her in a 'she's great i want to spend time with her' way #but in a 'she's such a robust #and strong and effective villain' kind of way #i can always trust that she will thoroughly fuck shit up in any scene she appears in #and also frequently posthumously as well

[tinytinyblogs]

Skz Soft Hours: Chan

Chan's heart is filled with love for you, and he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

⚠Slightly mentioned Mafia!Chan⚠

Stray kids masterlist here

"Unbelievable." You whispered under your breath, staring at the ceiling of your enormous bedroom. You had left your normal life behind to become the wife of a mafia leader, Bang Chan. It was the craziest thing that had ever happened to you. "What have I done to deserve the good things in my life?" you thought to yourself. Being a mafia leader's wife may sound like a life on the edge of a cliff, but for you, it's far from it. Chan always makes sure you're safe and far from any threats, just like he should. You now walked a path paved with gold and had access to luxuries you never could have dreamed of. But what had you actually done to deserve all of this?

"Because you are you." His sudden voice startled you out of your daydream. You turned to see him leaning against the wall near the bedroom door. Chan is a gentleman who knows that this wedding is something you never imagined. He asked you to marry him out of nowhere, even though you didn't know each other very well. All you knew was that he was a mafia leader who you randomly bumped into while walking home from your night shift. He always let you go, even though you caught him doing his job.

"Why? I still can't understand why." The question slipped from your lips, the one that had been on your mind ever since Chan had proposed to you. Even though his family had been pressuring him to get married and find a wife, he had ignored all of the beautiful women they had introduced him to because he could only think of you. It was ironic, really. He still didn't understand why he couldn't bring himself to hurt you, even though you knew the real him, something that no one else was supposed to know except for his gang members. The way you never judged him, never showed that you were afraid, and simply saw him as a normal human being touched him in a way he couldn't explain.

He took a few steps closer to the bed where you sat. His voice was so soft, so different from how he sounded with others. Chan had developed this little habit since you had been together, actually since he had first laid eyes on you and admired every detail of your face. He remembered, remembered very well how crazy he had been that night when he had walked to your apartment late at night while you were sleeping. He didn't usually like dealing with unimportant people or things, but he had still walked to you and proposed.

Why? It's simply because he can't think of anyone else when he thinks of marriage. He might be lovesick, he might have had love at first sight, but whatever it is, all he knows is that he wants to be with you. "You're not afraid of me, even though you know I'm capable of hurting anyone. You treat me like a normal person, and I appreciate that." He told you, sitting on the bed and getting closer. It's crazy how you make him softer and softer every time. He feels more human when he's with you. And all he can think about is making you happy. He doesn't want to see you sad, and he respects you so much. You are the precious diamond that he admires and cares for.

"You get all this fancy things but you don't really care about it, just doing whatever you feel comfortable with and you care about me not because of money." Chan is drawn to your simplicity and genuine nature. He admires that you are not materialistic and that you value him for who he is, not for what he has. The spark on his eyes telling you so much, how he let out his words from deep inside his heart how much he adore you in this life. Chan sees you as one-of-a-kind, a treasure beyond compare. He cherishes every moment he shares with you and feels incredibly grateful to have you in his life. "Every little habit of your, every single word of your, and the way you see the world i love all of it." Chan's voice is infused with love and tenderness, melting your heart like warm honey. He feels as if he is composing a poem dedicated to you, capturing your essence in every word.

"If only you could see yourself through my eyes." Chan gently reaches for your hand, his touch sending warmth through your body. His eyes gaze into yours with love and adoration. He speaks softly, revealing the depths of his heart. He has never regretted proposing to you, marrying you, and sharing his life with you. If he could turn back time, he would do it all over again, even sooner. Before you, Chan believed he could do anything on his own. He had faith in his own strength and abilities. But then he met you, and his life became more vibrant and meaningful. You filled the emptiness in his heart and brought color to his world. He cherishes you deeply and vows to never let your love fade.

"Chan" You whispered, your mind reeling from his sweet words. You could see the genuine smile on his face, and your heart pounded in your chest. "No, I don't want anyone else in my life, Y/N," he said softly. "That's what I think when my parents want me to get a wife. It should be you. You, only you." He leaned in and placed a soft kiss on your lips. Chan has countless reasons why you are the best person in his life. He would happily list them all for you, if you asked. Having you in his life has made him a naturally better and happier person. He truly believes that you are a blessing. He is willing to do anything for you, and he cherishes every moment he spends with you. You are his favorite person in the world.

#kpop #kpop au #stray kids bang chan #stray kids seungmin #stray kids felix #stray kids jeongin #stray kids hyunjin #stray kids lee know #stray kids han #stray kids changbin #stray kids au #stray kids fluff #stray kids imagines #stray kids masterlist #stray kids reaction #stray kids reactions #stray kids scenarios #stray kids x reader #stray kids #skz chan #skz changbin #skz hyunjin #skz han #skz seungmin #skz jeongin #skz minho #skz felix #skz scenarios #skz imagines #skz fluff

[cer-rata]

If I could rework Ra's al Ghul conceptually, I think I'd make him occupy a similar place as Doctor Doom, an entertaining and difficult to deal with fact of life that represents a valid if flawed worldview. This is the direction I'd shift him in:

-Incredibly intelligent and prepared as a rule

-Wildly well resourced

-Still an antagonist but with a moral framework that sometimes leans kind of blue/orange

-Has things and people that he truly cares about in ways that are deeply understandable and even admirable

-Honestly? Kind of has a point ideologically, the problem lying in how he goes about achieving it

-Big ego that he sort of deserves

-Has a master goal that makes sense for an immortal with lots of perspective, even if the drawn conclusion is wrong. This is a big one. You have to be able to believe that he truly could be so smart and experienced and decide to die on the hill he does, without just hand waving him as being crazy. The incoherent ecoterrorism based genocide plot works for hot mess era Poison Ivy, not an immortal, well read mastermind who has had thousands of years to actually come up with real solutions. (And even Ivy has moved on from that, like--)

-Maybe lean away from the Lazarus corruption angle because it's wildly inconsistent and unclear as to what effect it actually has and kind of provides an easy way out instead of forcing Batman and the reader to actually contend with his ideas.

And this is not to say he can't be an unfortunate influence in Damian and Talia's life. But I think it's all much more interesting if the Bruce/Ra's dichotomy doesn't have a wildly obvious moral high ground that positions Bruce as the white savior, swooping in with his evolved western ideals. I think Talia is more rewarding as an idealist who is truly forced to make a hard decision between two men she loves dearly, both as people and for the values they represent, and maybe ends up somewhere in between, coming up with a philosophy that works for her. For that to work their frameworks actually have to be comparable. Parents can mess you up even when they're trying their absolute best and love you dearly, he doesn't have to be cartoonishly cruel to their bodies and minds to get to the point of familial dysfunction.

I'm just going to say it, I think It's time we move on from the evil mystical Arab terrorist that doesn't value human life or women or the wishes of his own family and has no real constructive goal or politics--like I've only been implying it so far, but the inherent racism in the construction of Ra's al Ghul is A LOT to deal with and makes it very difficult to actually enjoy him as a character. Conceptually he's got too much potential to just be a caricature. We live in a world where the Joker is positioned as some kind of ideological foil to Batman, instead of a character with ACTUAL IDEALS.

And enough with the biological determinism stuff! Stop that! Stop that right now! I'm putting "nature vs nurture" on a high shelf until you can behave and not use it to be racist. It might not be coming back people! A thousand years in the dungeon! A thousand years of pain!

#ra's al ghul #dc comics #batman #bruce wayne #talia al ghul #damian wayne #tw racsim #dc editorial answer for your crimes

[wetcatspellcaster]

If it’s not [REDACTED] material you plan on covering further on in Pieces, would you mind talking about why Hemlock is so jealous of Rosalie? It seems like every time she’s “on screen” she’s making some sort of jab at Rosie concerning either Astarion/Rosalie’s past relationship, or Astarion and Hemlocks (insinuated?) carnal activities, but hardly anyone ever comments on it. Like poor Hemmie practically spat the fact Astarion comes to her bed in Rosalie’s face during Chapter 12 in front of Shadowheart but no one acknowledges that she’s constantly trying to make Rose upset with this info. Is it just the power of the Ascendant that Hemlock is drawn to and makes her wish she was on Rosalie’s level (in Astarion’s eyes), or is it the bond between vampire and spawn that makes her act like this?

Hey anon! Thank you for the question! I'll try to answer you as best I can without spoilers :)

Firstly, the reason no one ever comments on Hemlock's behaviour or the buckwild things she says is because.... they all find it kind of cringe :') In my mind, by this point in the timeline, this party and Tav have encountered Gortash, Orin, Cazador, Raphael, Mizora, the Emperor's bullshit... not to mention any villains Rose encountered in her post game life, and in Avernus. They've had their fair share of villain speeches! They're used to it! They feel like water off a duck's back at this point! It's easier to simply not acknowledge it, than engage.

(Rose talks about the social energy it takes to interact with evil people in another fic I've written, she's just like "more than anything, it's exhausting to act like I value their opinions and pretend I care".)

Hemlock also thinks her and Rosalie are fighting over an Ascended Astarion... they're not. Rose doesn't want Ascended Astarion. So when Hemlock's like, "yeah, did I mention we fucked", Rose is just like "...and? you and every other person in that house. happy for you, i guess?" Like yes, it does sting a little in the sense that it shows how much Astarion has changed... but it's kind of missing the real mark? And most of Rose's friends know her well enough to know that, but especially Shadowheart, who walked round that awful dungeon with her.

That being said, Rose is more petty with Hemlock when they're alone and no one's there to judge her, but that's more because of the Feeblemind than anything.

As for Hemlock's motivations, it's unfortunately a mixture of all of the things you list above. Astarion's spawn are all people he recruited post-Ascendency, so all of them buy into his spiel to some extent. Hemlock, in particular, is a person who was already evil-aligned before she became a vampire. She was promised a lot of power and a position of supposed equals (where have we heard that before?) I do think, if she doesn't have feelings for Astarion, or may now have started to reach a point where some of the sheen of this hot, all-powerful vampire man has been tarnished, she does at least want the peak ascendency romance: the glamour, the debauchery, and the power that comes with it (she is, essentially, a Tav that picks all the pro-evil plan lines in the dialogue tree and means it).

Instead, she's forced to live a circumscribed and domesticated life, because of some girl she's never met, who Astarion waxes lyrical about whenever he has a free moment to pause for breath. In Chapter 13, I reveal that all the spawn have to live according to Rose's dictate of 'no harm' - notice that Astarion enforces that perfectly on all the people he can literally command, meanwhile he is the only person with freedom in that situation, and he can act however he likes and keeps 'messing it up uwu'. He thinks he's being 'good' and doing vampirism 'well', but what it actually is is just hypocrisy, and a way to continue to exercise power over those he controls, to some extent. Hemlock is someone who actually wants to be an evil vampire, or even a Cazador, and can't, because she's not given the free will with which to do so.

So Hemlock has this mixture of 'I am actually in love with this man and want what he promised me'; or 'I was in love with this fantasy and now I'm facing the reality, after having sold my soul, and even if I hate it here now I'm trapped, I want to find any way to salvage this so I've got to continue pretending he's right'; 'I fucking hate this woman who I'm constantly compared to and can never live up to, even though, to my mind, she sounds fucking stupid'; ....AND then there's the bond between vampire and servant. Hemlock tells Rose that she's already under orders not to displease Astarion - I fully believe that order has been in place for a long time. This Astarion words commands and orders in a way that means the spawn have the illusion of cooperation and free choice, which basically means he makes the spawn complicit in their own oppression. He'll say something like "because you've upset me, you should go to the dungeon cells and starve yourself and not move, while you think about what you've done" - that's still, to all intents and purposes, an order (especially when you're already under orders not to displease him).

Hemlock says a lot of what she says to Rosalie because it's easier to hate the woman who 'ruined her life' and 'prevents Astarion from reaching his full potential', rather than examine anything too closely and realise she's ruined her life herself. If she stops buying into the vampirism she chose, she's fucked bc it's not like she can leave it, so better to hate anything else but being a spawn.

It's just also unfortunate, that she thinks the way to hurt Rose is to brag about sleeping with Astarion. But then, the only version of Astarion Hemlock has ever known is obsessed with sex, so why wouldn't she think the woman who loves him wouldn't be as well?

I hope that makes sense! Sorry, this ended up being very long!

#asks #anons #wip: pieces still stuck in your teeth #I'm not sure if Hemlock feels like a consistently written character but tbh she just has the same cognitive dissonance as an act 1 astarion #so like... spawn 'how dare you try to save me. i dont want to be saved' syndrome. only she hasn't admitted any of what she has is trauma. #but this is then coupled with the fact that she's evil aligned. so it's hard to want to give her free will when part of her baggage is: #'but what if i want to commit atrocities :(((((((' #hemlock tag

[gxilds]

chishiya <3 i have brain worms

SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2

so i’ve been thinking a lot about what he said in his little monologue about how he resented and envied people for having the things he lacked. a heart? morals? belief in the inherent value of life, justice and selflessness? all the above? i’ve been thinking a lot if this is the kind of person he’s drawn to? what if someone who fights to stay soft and kind and idealistic? how infuriating it would be for him. just some thoughts, because as you can see i’m very normal about him

If I am being honest I have not finished s2 but I am an avid manga reader and I know exactly what you mean and it’s almost 12 am and I am brain rotted.

I imagine he unintentionally gravitates to people who fight to stay hopeful (for example, Arisu) and to him that’s infuriating not because it can be obnoxious for him but because he is jealous.

Chishiya doesn’t have a light in his life and he’s dealt with a lot of issues with the people he thought should be caring for him just not doing that. Despite not wanting to admit this, or at least tell other people about it, he constantly is subconsciously compensating by being around people that can depend on him and provide him with care. I imagine he really needs a friend (or more, you decide) who grew up with similar familial issues and had that same dynamic of being neglected but instead takes that energy and turns it into helping others and being kind which is something he isn’t particularly good at. while this said person might be one of the most kind and caring people on the planet with an ambitious career, this man is a skilled yet absolutely terrible doctor because he really just doesn’t give a fuck about who he is taking care of.

as for how he responds? not well. it makes him want to rip out his hair and claw at his skin because how can someone who’s been through the exact same thing and been put through the ringer have such an optimistic outlook, be so kind, lovely, respectful and full of life? why can’t he have that? why can’t he have the will to see another day? why can’t he care about his and other peoples qualities of life? Why can’t he be them? he wants everything that they have, even if under all those layers of care is the exact same situation he’s been through.

I think in the end it could change his “if no one cared for me, why should I care about them?” mindset even more. I know he has a change of heart again but I believe someone like that, especially one who wouldn’t give up on him, would be such a huge catalyst to that change. Not only would be leaving the borderlands rejuvenated but also ecstatic to be alive and with a deeper understanding of people.

we see this already too with Arisu (mind you the long analysis I have about Chishiya representing indifference from trauma and Arisu representing leniency from the same is stocked up on my acc somewhere probably) Arisu is a main catalyst in Chishiya’s change in heart because of what Arisu represents so I have a feeling someone who is like cracked out Arisu would not only change Chishiya, despite the jealousy, but in the end would make him happier as a person.

Please I need to desperately write more Chishiya stuff cause I have so many ideas about how this could go LORDDDDD HAVE MERCY

I am also not sure if I should finish s2 because of some changes I heard about and I am so not normal about chishiya to the point I would stop watching over it… not to be dramatic or whatever

#chishiya x reader #chishiya shuntaro #god I am not mormal #alice in borderland #chishiya my beloved #the tism

[ckret2]

Sooo... did Bill always know that there was more beyond the second dimension? Or did he discover that at some point later in life?

The short answer is yes, he knew about it from childhood. And also (this is relevant) he was raised in a cult.

The long answer is a lot more interesting—but bear with me, because the answer is a combination of New Age spirituality and non-Euclidean geometry. That isn't a joke, non-Euclidean geometry is literally involved.

New Age spirituality

Now, a solid 95% of modern New Age concepts are the five-generations-removed brainchildren of con artists, cultists, perennialists, and white people who like to steal ideas from India and claim they came from aliens; but New Age concepts and conspiracy theories are all part of the body of ideas that Gravity Falls likes to treat as real for the purpose of parody, so let's take a look at 'em anyway.

Amongst the many concepts that have been drawn into the New Age movement, there's the idea that multiple (spiritual) planes exist beyond the physical plane, and it's possible to reach them psychically—via astral projection or out-of-body experiences or the like. Often you'll hear about inhuman or formerly-human teachers that come from higher planes to educate particularly spiritually gifted & enlightened humans.

(For those of y'all that have read Flatland: it's easy to imagine this as something similar to the sphere descending to the second dimension in order to raise up and teach the square about higher dimensions.)

The terms "indigo children" (kids with an aura the color of the third-eye chakra) or "starseed" (alien souls reincarnated in human bodies) get tossed around to describe strange, sensitive, strong-willed, intelligent/intuitive children. These kids are claimed to be "special" psychics and sensitives, destined for great spiritual purposes, and typically thought to have an easier time learning New Age concepts or accessing higher planes. (In reality, these terms are usually claimed by parents who would rather believe their kids are special aliens than admit their kids have ADHD/autism/trauma.)

Now, so much for New Age beliefs! Let's move on to non-Euclidean geometry. Time to learn about biangles.

Non-Euclidean geometry

If a tri-angle is a shape made of three angles (and three straight lines), then a bi-angle is a shape made of two angles (and two straight lines). Draw three random points and connect them and it's easy to make a triangle:

But it's a lot harder to make a biangle. If you draw two straight lines, it just looks like a line instead of a shape. The only way to draw it so that you see a shape is to curve the lines like a football, but then it's not a correct biangle because it's not two STRAIGHT lines:

So, it's impossible to draw a biangle on a flat piece of paper.

But it's easy to draw one on a ball.

Just take a sphere, pick two opposite points—like the north and south pole—and draw two different straight lines from north to south.

In the field of Euclidean geometry—the kind of geometry we all learned in school, with perfectly straight lengths & widths & heights—this biangle is clearly made of two curved lines wrapping around a sphere. But in the field of spherical geometry—a form of math that treats the surface of a sphere like it's a flat surface—those are two straight lines, relative to the sphere's point of view.

You can also draw triangles in spherical geometry.

Now let's talk about Bill's folks.

Flatlanders

If an alien read or watched Lord of the Rings, they'd learn what a human being looks like, they'd observe how sunlight and gravity work in our universe, they'd see mountains and plants and rivers, they'd learn about some concepts humans value like loyalty and perseverance and territory and war—but they wouldn't learn anything about real human history and they'd get a very inaccurate idea about what humans use rings for.

I headcanon that the book Flatland is the same when it comes to Bill's backstory: it gives you an idea about the physics of Bill's dimension and the biology of his species, but it's a bad source to learn about the history or politics.

Nobody was getting thrown in prison for suggesting a third dimension exists. In fact, at the time Bill lived, the third dimension was widely accepted by mathematicians and physicists, and many experiments had scientifically proven the existence of a third dimension by measuring the behavior of light.

(Think Einstein's theory of relativity: even if you don't personally understand what Einstein was talking about, you probably know he was famous for being real smart at physics and other smart physicists think he was right. "There's a third dimension" was not a controversial idea in Bill's time, even if most folks didn't understand the scientific implications.)

And Flatlanders had their own New Age-like ideas about strange, "sensitive" kids born psychically attuned to higher dimensions. And recently, modern medicine identified a condition that let parents medically diagnosed these special kids.

New Age Non-Euclidean Flatlanders

Take a triangle, for instance: if the doctor measured him to have three perfectly straight lines, but also measured the sum of his angles to add up to a sliver of a degree more than 180º... well, something weird was going on here. In less advanced ages one could have said that maybe one of the triangle's sides was curved too slightly for the doctor's tools to measure, or maybe the doctor's measurements of the angles were imprecise by less than a degree.

But modern medical tools were precise enough to eliminate that possibility. Some children, despite having perfectly straight lines, were triangles with angles that sum over 180º, or quadrilaterals that sum over 360º, etc. They're flat shapes, all right—but they're flat relative to spheres, in a dimension where spheres can't exist. Something about these kids... bends into another dimension.

Doctors said being born with spherical geometry was a newly-discovered birth abnormality that was strange, and worth studying, but by all appearances harmless. It had probably existed for centuries, perhaps millennia, undetected due to the lack of tools precise enough to confirm its reality.

Parents deep into woo-woo parapsychology and grifters with self-help books to sell said it was a sign that the child would be a prophet, a prodigy, a guru, a world leader. All of history's shamans and psychics and oracles and spiritual leaders had probably been in touch with spherical geometry, receiving messages from higher tridimensional beings.

In reality, just like humanity's "indigo children" or "starseeds," spherical children weren't special superior emissaries chosen for a spiritual mission to help enlighten the planet: they were just normal awkward kids.

Normal awkward kids who happened to be able to see the dimension that light comes from, but were surrounded by people without the mental framework to understand the sights they described.

It was a cool weird trick, but in terms of how cosmological important this weirdness was, it was about on par with any other random genetic oddity, like having six fingers.

But if you're a kid who can occasionally see a sun that nobody else can see, and adults have told you your entire life that this means you're unique, important, meant for greatness, destined to enlighten the ignorant masses and liberate them from their shallow two-dimensional perspective...

Eventually, all that talk might just go to your little triangular yellow head.

#bill cipher #gravity falls #headcanons #meta #bill goldilocks cipher #anonymous #ask #(I had a friend in college like 'wanna know what my favorite shape is? THE BIANGLE' and proceeded to explain the whole thing) #(All my friends were nerds. They still are nerds. I'm a nerd.)

[pansythoughts]

Back with more meta, got a curious cat asking for my thoughts on Herman Balsa. I, predictably, had a lot to say.

Oh, boy, have I got Herman analysis.

I want to be really clear up front that I have two caveats to any Herman analysis that I could do that readers must keep in mind. The first is my strong bias here—I don’t care for Herman as a character as he presented in both Luca and Alva’s narratives. The second is that with that, I exclusively ship Halva as a thing that happened in the past. I do not have thoughts or feelings on Halva as an evolving ship or thing I actively enjoy; all my halva thoughts are part of my Alva character analyses and color the way Alva thinks about his current story relationships (which for me usually means alvaluca, platonically or romantically).

That said, the most important thing in my read of Herman is that he was a very selfish man. The kind of selfish where you are incredibly self-involved, and have no idea that you are. He didn’t think he was a bad person, he wasn’t trying to be cruel or malicious, and he genuinely thought his work was going to change the world and that’s why he sacrificed everything to it. But it cost him every relationship he had, all his money and time, and eventually his life.

Herman, I think in his own perspective, always thought he was doing good, or at least doing what was expected, but didn’t concern himself with the people around him or how they were feeling about his actions. You can see that in Alva’s story, about how he doesn’t bother to tell Alva about his family, or where the money for their research is coming from, or about his more dangerous experiments. He valued Alva as a research companion, and calls him the only one who understands him, but doesn’t let him in—largely, I think, because he never thought to. I think it never occurred to Herman to let Alva further into his life, because he was so focused on his own work and desires to pay attention to Alva’s.

And we see this more with Luca, from how Herman treated his son and his wife. From everything we have, Herman was a neglectful father—he doesn’t seem to be around, and her certainly doesn’t seem to be providing for his family. Neglect is a form of abuse, and Luca’s story and reactions to his father in both the main narrative and events make a lot of sense looking at him through the lens of abuse survivor. And here too, I don’t think Herman ever intended to abuse his son, because he didn’t consider himself a bad person. But he didn’t care about his son or his wife and their lives as much as he cared about his desires and his work. He wasn’t around to care about them, and didn’t think of how spending all of their family’s money would affect them, because they were always secondary considerations.

The fascinating thing about Herman is he’s the ultimate villain in both Alva and Luca’s stories, right? He fucked up Alva by holding him with guilt and withholding information, and then dying before he could ever make it right. He fucked up Luca by never being there in the first place. And that difference reflects how both men feel about him—Alva resigned and bitter but missing him, and Luca forever angry about him even as he longs for him and follows in his footsteps. Herman’s flaws are so utterly human, and it makes him compelling and believable. I can see why people are drawn to the sketch of a character we get from the holes he left in Alva and Luca’s stories, even if I’ll never like him.

#idv #identity v #luca balsa #alva lorenz #cari does meta analysis #herman balsa

[sixteenstrikes]

more of these augh

> Favorite date activity

easy answer is going dancing in any venue & having dinner afterward.. or going to see a play somewhere in there… i also think wyll might enjoy a bit of adventure like maybe hiking to some beautiful vista, rock climbing or fencing or anything with some sweat and risk involved.. could also see him enjoying a paint & sip or a wine tasting w a concert… stargazing @ an observatory on top of a mountain.. something that engages the mind as well as the body..

the truthful answer is they keep getting roped into adventures and shenanigans and i think they are having a blast... loveday is always fretting about having some romantic meal and taking care of his dear lover who wants nothing more than to do a backflip off a manticore

> How do they react at being away from each other

wyll being the stalwart blade is used to bearing loneliness and heartsickness... but i think once he’s been brought into people’s hearts again and doesn’t need to fear mizora’s immediate displeasure it’s harder for him to part from them again, or in this case his lover.. he puts on a heroic face for the other man’s sake because he wants to make things easier… (it doesn’t make things easier.. the reunion is inevitably a little teary no matter how joyous.) & I think it’s sweet how wyll will do something cutesy like that epilogue air kiss and then express his feelings so beautifully and sincerely.. I think he would do more of that.. heart emoji

loveday is very good at pretending to be unaffected but really he is a weepy mess... he’s a big hearted person and gets very attached to people without much effort.. he would miss wyll every time he thought of something to tell him or wondered what wyll would think of X thing he just saw. he would be morose alone at night and a little more cheerfully distant in the day... long letters would be written… he Would spin wyll around off his feet & kiss him

>How open are they with their feelings

very!!!!!!!!!! in some ways this makes things easier and harder at the start when wyll isnt sure of anything, let alone some dashing rando who insists wyll can definitely trust him…...

but from the start they make a habit of checking on each other and being a place where the other person can be completely honest no matter what.. sometimes this leads to conflicts and disagreements but it also binds them together, they feel safe expressing themselves to each other and know they can hash out life's troubles together and the other man will listen to everything they have to say, and their words will be valued & held in respect

>How do they comfort each other when they are sad

I think they both hover a bit. not in an overly smothering way but just making themselves a constant reassuring presence. loveday wants wyll to know he’s not alone and to be there if wyll needs anything and wyll feels better knowing he’s there if loveday needs a shoulder to cry on & someone to talk to him

loveday already fusses over wyll a bit but if wyll is sad or grieving the fussing gets a bit more frequent.. he makes sure wyll's got creature comforts and is comfortable overall... sings to him, reads him poetry.. or clowns around to make him laugh if the sadness is on its way out... sits with his arms around him... most of all he listens to wyll whenever he wants to talk

i think wyll has a lot of encouragement and comfort to give if its wanted.. loveday tends to go very quiet when he's sad and if left unchecked will fade into the background, so wyll doesn't let him... he'll read to loveday until he falls asleep or hold him and talk about anything in the world if loveday just wants to listen to his voice...which he usually does

> What drew them to each other

i think they each are drawn to the other man’s heart & mind. but in different ways ……

loveday was a great admirer of Wyll’s grace & charm & cleverness coupled with how deadly and skilled and resourceful he was. how kind he insisted on being in every eventuality, his intelligence, his thoughtfulness… he thinks wyll is a lot of fun and funny & was very drawn in by wyll’s good heart and his hobbies & personal sense of humor beneath the flawless folk hero. he never forgot how wyll was teaching self defense to the kids from elturel in the grove

past that initial dizzy head-over-heels when wyll flashes his first genuine smile lmao, further into the story loveday is drawn in by wyll's view of the world, and his hope.. he wants to live in the world wyll believes in

wyll admires how tenacious & genuinely warm hearted loveday is: his compassion & care for other people, his earnest love of life & the strange and the bizarre, his affection for outcasts and loners.. he enjoys loveday's easygoing vanity & his 'bit of pomp' as well lmfao... loveday was in wyll’s corner from day one, even when wyll didn’t know if he could trust him, i think he was touched by the fact that loveday wanted to help him regardless

as the story proceeds, he’s drawn in much more deeply by loveday’s unending tenderness... he didn’t expect it at all

#loveday