#platonic tobias | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

heliads · 1 year

Text

Four and Five

Based on this request: "platonic Four x fem reader. She and Four have been best friends since they were kids. Her mother died when she was a kid and her father became an abusive alcoholic. She and Four chose Dauntless. Tobias had four fears and reader had five. Her fears are spiders, as she was bitten by one before her mother died, her father, confined spaces, dying, and losing Four."

masterlist

At one point, it was the two of you and no one else.

Abnegation, try as it might, is not a place for great community. It is better to suffer in silence than waste breath that could have been used to save those in need on something as mundane as parlor conversation. The members of your gray-robed faction have people whose presence they enjoy and people whose presence they pride themselves on withstanding, but friends are rare. They are an excess, and here, that is not tolerated.

That is not to say that Abnegation is made of enemies, only, much like the rest of it, a collection of neutral stances. It would be unkind to like any one person more than the other if they were not your family or your lover. That is the way it has always been, and likely the way it will always be. Abnegation is not well suited for change.

It should be a sign, then, that the two people who chafed the most against this rule would end up leaving. Abnegation was not meant for you, nor the boy who was once known as Tobias Eaton. If the two of you ever found each other at all, it is only because you were each so vastly different from everyone else around you that it would be impossible for your paths not to cross.

You contemplated running from an early age. It is heartbreaking to think about how easy it would be. You could grab a few things like clothes and food and just take off in any direction. Maybe you wouldn’t bring anything at all. You could just go, push yourself faster and faster until your old life was nothing but dust. The idea is as tempting as it is impossible.

After all, this life was not meant to be easy. Without the factions, you have nothing. Although the open streets called your name a thousand times, you could not answer, not until the Choosing Ceremony.

That’s why you met Tobias for the first time, actually. You were both looking for something to distract you from the way that life was. Instead of an escape, you found each other, though in all honesty your meeting was just as good. Without Tobias, you wouldn’t have made it through your early days in Abnegation. That much you can say with certainty.

You didn’t know that you were ever the same after meeting him. Running into Tobias was an accident, pure and simple, but it was the best accident of your life. Poets have been writing centuries’ worth of sonnets over the thrill of finding your one true love, but you think they’ve got it wrong. Finding the person who will become your best friend is a thousand times better than that.

Once you had Tobias on your side, you could do anything. Both of you had houses you’d rather avoid: mothers gone, fathers twisted. Your home was with Tobias, it would be from the moment you met him. When things got bad, the two of you could meet up somewhere out of the watchful eye of the faction and be safe. Sometimes you would talk or fix up each other’s wounds or just sit there in silence, content in the knowledge that at one point it would be better.

You didn’t know what faction you would choose at first. That you would transfer was unquestionable– neither of you were meant for this life, not in the slightest. The patronizing self sacrifices gnawed at you like rats to a bone. Nothing fit, nothing made sense. Neither of you understood why until you took your aptitude tests and both came back with results best kept buried.

Both of you were Divergent. Both. It was fitting somehow, like of course the two Divergents in all of Abnegation would manage to find each other some way or another, but it also meant that the danger increased twofold. You weren’t just keeping your secret anymore, you were keeping Tobias’ secret as well.

It meant that you were going to have to transfer, and transfer well. You and Tobias spent many long days working methodically through each option in front of you. Remaining in Abnegation was unthinkable, you had to escape your fathers in some way, and damning yourself to stay here forever would kill you just as surely as discovery.

Candor was too liberal with their truth serum, they’d ask you one question about things you’d like to keep hidden and you’d be exposed on the first day. Erudite is too sharp, they’d figure you out in moments. Plus, their leader, Jeanine Matthews, was making waves in Abnegation for her radical tendencies. Staying away from her would probably be best.

Amity was always an option, but only as a last resort. Neither you nor Four were ever truly suited for peace. The thought of laying down your guard and just existing in a perennial state of bliss was so unlike you it was almost funny. The two of you will be running for the rest of your lives, you might as well find a faction where that’s normal behavior.

That left one faction, the most dangerous faction. Dauntless. At first, Dauntless was out of the question. If there’s anywhere you could be killed in the blink of an eye were someone to find out about your Divergence, it would be Dauntless. Then again, Dauntless is also the only place where you could kill someone who figured you out. You could be a predator, not just prey. It’s the only faction that would give you the ability to fight back.

Thus your choice was made at last. You and Four debated for quite some time, but at the end your minds were made up. Like it or not, Dauntless is your only chance at survival. The night before the Choosing Ceremony, the two of you met up one last time and promised to make it out together. Your last hours in Abnegation were about to come to a close, and then you’d be free, free forever. You couldn’t be happier at the thought of it.

Some part of you was terrified that it was never going to work out. Abnegation had a way of sucking your spirits dry, of making you think that there would never be anything more to life than that endless stretch of nothingness. Dauntless was stunned by how much you and Tobias thirsted for blood from the very first day of initiation, but neither of you were taken aback. If you could light the world ablaze, why wouldn’t you? The rush of adrenaline alone was more than you had ever felt in your life.

Slicing open your palm the day of your Choosing Ceremony didn’t feel like pain, it came off more as freedom. Abnegation was shaken when not one but two of its children switched to Dauntless. All of the factions were amazed, for that matter, but they forgot soon enough. You and Tobias embraced the Dauntless lifestyle wholeheartedly, and even after a few days it was impossible that the two of you could have ever been from anywhere but Dauntless.

It just worked, that’s all. You and Tobias threw each other into your new life with the sort of reckless abandon that guarantees you a spot in the top ranks. You showed up to each day’s training sessions early, you stayed late. Anything to get ahead. This was your chance to make a new name for yourself, and so you did.

Quite literally, as it turns out. You didn’t much like the idea of the fear landscapes, but once you were on the Dauntless track, it’s not like you could turn back. You made it through the first stage of initiation with flying colors, you and Tobias in slots one and two in the rankings, but the second stage worried you more than the first. You can take a punch and deal out your fair share of them, but letting anyone into your head is a decided threat.

After all, what if whoever was in charge of your fear landscape did some looking and figured out that you’ve been keeping a pretty big secret? Neither you nor Tobias can afford to be revealed as Divergents. Not here, not anywhere. The only option, then, was to give the faction something else to talk about.

See, the benefit of being a free-thinking Divergent is that you tend to do pretty damn well in mental challenges like the fear landscape. It just isn’t real to you, no more than a particularly threatening daydream. Even when you’re in the thick of things in the simulations, you know that it isn’t real. That lets you keep your head, which is what Dauntless likes to see the most.

You know what people said when the news of your fear landscape first hit the faction. It seemed impossible– five fears in a place where people usually had ten or fifteen? Who were you to shake at so little?

What your fears lack in quantity, though, they make up for them in quality. You see the same five things every time you enter your fear landscape, and although they never change, they never seem to grow less intimidating no matter how many times you see them.

The first is a swarm of spiders, the low light glistening over their beady eyes and shining bodies. You were bitten by a spider a few months before your mother died. You were so young that you couldn’t help but connect the two events in your mind. Is it possible that the punishment of you surviving a dangerous bite was your mother’s death? Perhaps she paid the price you never did. The fear was cemented as truth in your head ever since you were a kid, and it refuses to leave you still.

The second is your father. He was as heavy in his drinking as he was in his punches. You hate him for what he did to you, what he still does to you. You’ll never be able to shake those memories, no matter how hard you try. The third fear goes along with your father as well. Small spaces; he used to lock you up in a dark closet when he was sick of your sobbing. You can’t help the claustrophobia any more than you can help your hatred of your father's favorite brand of liquor.

The fourth fear is dying, although that one’s the most common here. After all you’ve been through, the thought of biting it too early makes you furious. You have lived through more than any kid deserves, and you will not let yourself take your last breath until you’ve done all that you could and more to give yourself a better life.

The last fear is personal: not just your death, but Tobias’ as well. He has been the one person to stand behind you since you were a kid, your only ally, your closest friend. Losing Tobias would be the end of you, of that you are certain. Your final fear is where your head gets creative, thinking up scenario after scenario in which Tobias dies before your very eyes. No matter what, you can never do anything to save him, and it is always your fault.

Despite the difficulty of the fears, you make it through your landscape every time. Your time, already golden, improves with every go. You were in a good position coming out of the first stage of initiation, but with your success in the fear landscape, a place in the top rankings is all but guaranteed.

A rebranding was the only possible thing to follow. It’s one thing to fear the former Abnegation kids, or Tobias and Y/N, but say the names Four and Five and even the faction leaders are getting nervous. You only have five fears. Tobias only has four. You looked at each other across crowds of impressed students and decided to burn the past once and for all. Y/N is dead, if she was ever alive in the first place.

All that’s left is what you’ve made of yourself here. The name change was the last thing you needed to abandon, and now you’re something new, something better. Y/N was a girl who cowered in the shadows of Abnegation, who cursed her mother’s ghost and feared her father’s punches. Five is the sort of woman who would rather kill you than flinch.

The same thing goes for what used to be Tobias. You can see the shreds of the past leaving him in a rush, every bit of trauma and hurt shrugged off like an outgrown coat. He took on the name Four and scares the rest of the faction just as much as you do. You wouldn’t know he thinks about the past at all were it not for the reminders inked into his skin.

You’re the only one who’s seen Four’s tattoos, although you hope you won’t be the only one forever. Four is your closest friend, your brother, but you want him to be happy outside of his endless cycle of revenge and punishment on those who’ve hurt him. Some day in the future, perhaps some day that won’t come for quite some time, Four will find someone to make him heal. You’ll be waiting for that day with great joy.

In fact, about a year or two later, you think you might have stumbled upon that very girl. You and Four graduated with the top two rankings, and took similar jobs in the intelligence division of Dauntless. You work together training initiates, always on the lookout for people like you who might need someone watching their back. Divergents have to stick by each other.

That’s where Four found Tris, and you couldn’t be happier about it. Four needs someone to make him smile, to think about a future in which he could finally lay down his weapons. Neither of you have been able to do that for quite some time, but you think Four deserves it.

Until that day comes, the two of you will keep on fighting your wars, staying alive as best you can. This city is a dangerous place, Dauntless itself the worst of it. That being said, you have a feeling that both of you will do just fine. Anyone in your faction could tell you that much. Four and Five have a way of making it out alive. You can only hope that Six will follow suit.

divergent tag list: @rogueanschel, @with-inked-solace, @gods-fools-heroes, @23victoria, @manyfandomsfanvergent

requested by @thornyrose463, who also made this graphic:

259 notes · View notes

chevaliermalfets · 5 months

Text

7x07 Endgame // 7x15 Jack-Knife

#ncis #jethro gibbs #tobias fornell #timothy mcgee #REALLY interesting that they had this with mcgee and his random love interest #and then a few episodes later had the exact same scenario with gibbs and tobias #all im saying is that the ncis old man polycule is real #look at tobias' face at the end of the last gif #that's not how you look at your platonic dude buddy when you ask to stick your hand in his jeans pocket #ray.gif #parallels

24 notes · View notes

the-broken-truth · 1 year

Text

Broken-Style Remix: Platonic Yandere Bruce Wayne + Bat-Family & Dakota Blake (Part 6 - 2)

SUBTITLE: JASON MEETS THE BLAKES

Summary: Jason Todd spends the day with Dakota Blake - Bruce's Daughter & First Born - and the Blake Family. What happens when he feels attached to a family that acts like a family?

[Blake Bakery - About 30 Minutes After Meeting At Amira's Armory]

Jason looked around the bakery - the same bakery Damian has been scouting to find out more about Dakota - but this time, he was a welcomed guest; invited by the one that Bruce and Damian have been obsessing over for the past few weeks. His green eyes watched as Dakota talked with her Aunt Rani as the woman held out a small silver platter with 4 plates on it: 2 holding muffins and the remaining 2 holding cups of coffee. Dakota smiled at her aunt before turning away with the platter in her hands and walking back to the table where Jason was sitting. Dakota placed the platter on the table before sliding into her tall chair beside Jason, who was looking at his phone for a while before pocketing it to give Dakota his full attention.

"I could have paid for my own muffin and coffee, ya know." Jason said as he reached for his coffee, looping two fingers through the loop and bringing it to his lips to take a sip - it was delicious. There was a hint of vanilla that hit Jason's tongue and it made him lowly moan in pleasure.

"Trust me, I'm sure you can pay for your muffin and coffee but my aunt Rani refuses to charge any company of mine with any kind of purchase. Says it's her Family and Friends' Discount." Dakota says as she breaks a piece of her muffin off and plops it in her mouth before chewing slowly. Dakota was going to break off another piece when her phone began vibrating and she pulled it out of her pocket - she looked at the screen and groaned before typing something on the phone's screen and pocketing the phone again before exhaling in exhaustion.

"Everything alright, Dakota?" Jason asked as he raised an eyebrow at the girl, who looked at him with her tired blue eyes - The Eyes of Bruce Wayne.

"My Mother just texted me that Bruce came to our house and demanded that my mother signs her paternal rights over to him by offering her a lot of money, but she told me to fuck off." Dakota said, this caused Jason to widen his eyes as he heard what she said - Bruce would go that far to separate a daughter from her mother?

"Damn, Wayne is going that far to get you under his wing? That must be stressful." Jason said.

"You have not the slightest clue, Jason. I sometimes wish that I didn't go do that Blood Work, but I needed to make sure I didn't have any blood diseases or complications." Dakota said as she ran her hand through her hair, exhaling with a sigh. Jason looked at the girl with sadness in his eyes - for someone so normal to suddenly find out their Bruce Wayne's Kid and wants nothing to do with him or his son but is being forced to deal with them was too much. He may have been one of the Wayne Family Members, but he didn't have the blood or the name to himself so he didn't understand what Dakota was going through - Poor Girl.

"'Kota!" The sound of a rather deep-voiced man caused Jason to look up from his daydreaming at the man that was coming toward them - Jason has seen this man before, Damian had a whole War Wall dedicated to him as a target: Tobias Blake, Dakota's Uncle, and her Father Figure, along with her other uncle, Ivan Blake.

"Hey, Uncle Tobias! What can I do for you today?" Dakota asked with a smile, something about this male made her happier than she was before; well, Jason kinda expected that considering this man along with Ivan raised her into the young girl she was today. Jason watched their lips move as the conversation went on until Tobias looked in Jason's Direction and asked Dakota who he was.

"Oh. Uncle Tobias, meet Jason Todd. A new friend of mine. We met at Auntie Amira's Shooting Range and he agreed to hang out with me today." Dakota explained as she looked at Jason with a smile but Jason was looking at her with wide eyes, A Friend? Dakota thought of him as a friend?

"Well, any friends of 'Kota are welcomed here and at my shop." Tobias said with a smile.

"Your Shop, sir?" Jason asked with a raised eyebrow.

"My uncles run a hunting shop - well, the shop mainly belongs to Uncle Tobias, Uncle Ivan is a Lawyer but he co-owns the shop with Uncle Tobias. They've owned the shop since before I was even a thought, then Uncle Ivan ran the shop when Uncle Tobias went into the service." Dakota explained in detail. Jason looked at Tobias' nodding head as Dakota explained the story - a Military Man who worked in a Hunting Shop… Why does that seem familiar somehow?

"Tell me, son, your late name is Todd, right? Where are your parents?" Tobias asked but Jason looked at the table with sadness in his eyes,

"My Parents are no longer with me. I…I live alone but I have a decent job and survive. I went to the shooting range today because I had a rough day at work yesterday and needed to blow off some steam." Jason said - it wasn't completely a lie but he knew that if he told Dakota that he was part of the family that was trying to take her away from her family, she would never talk to him again. And why did it feel good when Tobias called him 'son'?

"Damn. That sucks, Jason. Sorry to hear that but I'm sure that you will find a family that gives you what you need and want." Dakota said with a smile as she placed a hand on his shoulder, making him look at Dakota, then Tobias, and lastly at Rani before he remembered Amira's smiling face.

'I think I already have, Dakota. I think I already have.' Jason thought with a smile on his face. He made up his mind at that moment, he was going to keep Bruce and Damian away from Dakota and the Blake Family and if he played his cards right - he was going to be Jason Blake.

#dakota blake #oc: tobias blake #jason todd #platonic yandere

41 notes · View notes

ohnoitstbskyen · 2 years

Text

I am allowing myself a victory lap on this one because it's been years of having to field "why does everything have to be gay, whatever happened to friendship??" concern troll comments, and now I get to tell them to shut up about it.

SCRIPT

I've been sick so forgive my horrendous voice, but I do wanna take a victory lap on this one.

League of Legends has just revealed this year's emotes for their Pride event, and much like how it was themed around tragic lesbian disasters Diana and Leona last year, this year it's themed around the other most famous queer couple in the game: Twisted Fate and Graves.

I like to bring it up from time to time that Graves and Twisted Fate have been written as a bickering estranged married couple since at least 2015, and that this has been very intentional on the part of Riot's writers, even in spite of continuous pushback from the management of the company, who are perpetually terrified of publishing queer content for fear of causing controversy in homophobic markets. But now, after a seven year fight, the creatives at have won a small victory for freedom of expression, taking the form of an emoji that literally references Brokeback Mountain, in case anyone didn't get it.

So to all the fragile complainers who have been in my comments over the years saying "they're just friends, you're reading too much into it, why does everything have to be gay" wah wah wah wah, I wish you all a very chew gravel and cope with it.

#league of legends #twisted fate #league of legends graves #malcolm graves #tobias fate #pride 2022 #the game has like two dozen platonic male relationships so shove it up your asses the way Twisted Fate is about to shove it up Graves

324 notes · View notes

ghoultemple · 2 years

Text

tobias forge arms appreciation post

#they’re so munchable #and i love his tattoos #i’d kiss every single one of his beauty marks #/platonic #the band ghost #ghost #tobias forge #ghost bc #band ghost #papa iv #papa emeritus iii #papa emiritus ii #papa primo #papa terzo #papa secondo #popia #repugnant

69 notes · View notes

womp-womp-imma-phantom · 2 months

Text

I'm bored so I'm opening my asks box for fanficthis is what I'll write with these rules

1.NO NSFW

2.NO INCEST

3.NO MAJOR AGE GAPS

4.IF YOUR ASK IS NOT DONE DONT SPAM

5.TELL ME WHEN IT TAKES PLACE IN THE SHOW/BOOK/MOVIE

6.BE CLEAR WITH WHAT YOU WANT

7.WILL DO CHARACTER X CHARACTER

8.SAY IF YOU WHAT PLATONIC OR ROMANTIC (ps. I right w/m and m/m)

♡~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♡

Batman (the movies and comics):

- damian wayne

-Richerd grayson (nightnwing)

-bruce wayne (batman)

-The batfam in general

♡~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♡

Sally Face:

-sal fisher

-Larry johnson

-Lisa Johnson

-Todd

-Travis

♡~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♡

Marble hornets/creepypastas

-Tim wright

-Brian thomas

-Ben drowned

-jeff the killer

-tobis rogers

-Jane the killer

4 notes · View notes

void-kissed · 1 year

Text

This post is okay for anyone to reblog as long as my DNI is respected! You’re welcome to elaborate in tags or replies if you’d like to~

#a call from the void #selfshipping #echo's info posts #of a sort #this post is okay for anyone to reblog as long as my DNI is respected!#some of these are worded a bit weirdly to fit the text limit but hopefully they all still make sense #for example for the OC one they obviously won’t all be the same OC #but in my case: clio is a romantic F/O; tobias and charlotte are familial F/Os; and jasper and kana are platonic F/Os #N and skye are my two exceptions for romantic F/Os haha - it’s probably no coincidence that they’re characters I’ve known since I was little #sometimes I feel like the only person who doesn’t have any TV or movie F/Os but I just. don’t watch them haha #and yes I am including anime and other cartoons in TV shows that’s not just live-action stuff #examples of self-inserts I have that don’t interact with any of my F/Os (romantic or otherwise) include jet (pokémon) and amber (skyrim)

10 notes · View notes

ghoulchapel · 1 year

Text

side profile

#smooching his nose #/platonic #ghost #the band ghost #ghost band #tobias forge

26 notes · View notes

losertriangles · 1 year

Text

I made this out of sheer boredom, but this pretty much sums up Astrid's relationship with Aaarrrgghh

#Trollhunters #Toa #Tales of Arcadia #Aaarrrgghh #Astrid Grace #wizards #3below #claire nuñez #tobias domzalski #james lake jr #blinkous galadrigal #I made this out of boredom #I made this on my phone #platonic relationships #I love Aaarrrgghh so much

11 notes · View notes

derneuegottin · 2 years

Text

i just realized the reason why I'm slightly attracted to Doug Jones is because he and Tobias Forge have roughly similar features

#doug jones #tobias forge #text #VERY ROUGHLY #they dont look alike #at all #but they are. you know. s i m i l a r #am i attracted to tobias? yea in a very platonic way

3 notes · View notes

avis-writeshq · 7 months

Text

03 — labyrinth

summary: “uh oh, i’m falling in love”/“thought the plane was going down, how’d you turn it right around?” pairing: spencer reid x bau!fem!reader genre: best friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, slow burn, mutual pining warnings: drug usage & addiction, talks about relapsing, therapy, tobias hankel, talks about weight (not reader’s), panic attack/night terrors wc: 3.8k a/n: as always, special mention to @astrophileous for beta-reading SPARKS FLY MASTERLIST // MAIN MASTERLIST

“Are you okay?” The words tumble out of your mouth before you can stop them, and you gently lay a hand on Spencer’s forearm. You offer a soft squeeze of reassurance, your gaze meeting his.

He nods dismissively, averting his eyes but not shrugging your hand away. His tone is cold as he responds, “I’m fine.”

You know better than to believe him. Ever since his kidnapping a few short weeks ago, he’s been acting strangely. His eyes are sunken, bloodshot most of the time, with dark bags beneath them. He’s lost weight, not that he wasn’t already skinny to begin with, but he’s thinner than usual. He gets distracted more easily, he doesn’t spout out about random facts or statistics, and he’s now almost always irritated about something.

He’s been spending more and more time at your apartment, not that you don’t blame him. The two of you would spend your mornings at the dining table, eating half-stale cereal and sipping coffee from the premium machine you splurged on a couple years ago. The closeness is nice, and at times it feels a little too domestic to be platonic, but you’ve learned to control yourself around him.

You open your mouth to say something else (you’re mainly hoping to call him out on his behaviour), but he moves his other hand on top of yours, lightly pressing your fingers. Your mouth goes dry and your cheeks flush at the contact, effectively making you go quiet. He glances at you, his face softening and for a moment you could have sworn you saw the ‘old Reid’ resurface.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers into your ear, his voice wavering with each syllable. “I’m fine. I promise.”

Even before you were a profiler, you prided in being able to read people well. Spencer is no exception to this; he’s always been easy to read, and his tells are only obvious to the trained eye. In other words, in your long five years of knowing him, you could smell his lies from a mile away. You don’t comment on it, just allowing yourself to bask in the comfort of his touch and the warmth he exudes.

The two of you head off to work minutes later, climbing into your car with you in the driver’s seat. He holds your hand the entire time.

***

Spencer thinks he’s going to throw up. The moment he gets onto the plane, he thinks he’s going to hurl. He locks himself into the bathroom, fumbling with the little vials of clear liquid in his satchel. He doesn’t know how long he can keep this a secret for– he’s always been a bad liar– especially from a team of profilers. He gathers that they probably already know.

His vision blurs and his head grows foggy as soon as he feels the liquid enter his bloodstream. He squeezes his eyes tightly, relishing in the artificial feel of serenity when there’s a knock on the door.

“Uh… Spencer?”

Fuck, he wants to scream as he scrambles to put everything back in his bag. Not you. Anybody but you.

“In– in a minute,” he responds hurriedly, flushed and woozy from his high. He feels nauseous again and he wonders if he should actually just throw up to make the story more believable.

“Um, okay? I was a little worried; you’ve been in there for a while. Did you need anything?” You ask again through the door as quietly as possible, glancing at where the team were sitting. “Water? Tea?”

He swings the door open, and his voice is a lot harsher than he expected it to be. “I’m fine.”

He almost misses the way you step back uncertainly, and the way your fingers twitch at your side. Almost. He knows you don’t believe him. He knows that you know him better than anyone and at times it scares him. He feels like Pandora’s Box and it’s only a matter of time before you release the demons within him. His heart lurches as he watches the way your face falls into confusion and hurt– hurt that he is responsible for.

“I’m fine,” he repeats, softer now. “Just– just tired.”

He watches as you pause and give him a once over. His breath hitches in his throat as he feels your eyes over every inch of him, and for a second he feels incredibly exposed.

“You know you can talk to me, right?” You say slowly, cautiously, and you reach a hand out to gently graze against his forearm. “I’m here for you.”

The contact is enough to get him to calm down, and his shoulders visibly relax and his eyes close for a moment. He nods, looking at you with a softness he didn’t even know he could muster.

“I know,” he responds, touching his fingers to yours. “Thanks.”

“Anytime,” you respond with a smile, but it doesn’t reach your eyes. You pause for a moment before nodding towards the seats of the plane.

Spencer follows you there, sitting beside you and as he relishes in your warmth and, in your company, he doesn’t feel quite as lost. The nausea begins to dissipate and he suddenly feels a lot lighter– and it’s not because of the drugs. This is different, a better different. A different he could get used to. The pressure from the plane doesn’t seem to affect him as much anymore, and his ears are no longer ringing.

He leans into your touch, his head pressed against your shoulder and his eyes begin to close. He feels your fingers gingerly hold his own, squeezing lightly in an effort to help him relax. It works. It always works. He feels the way your thumb grazes against the back of his hand and he feels both full of air and breathless at the same time.

“You okay?” You ask into his hair, continuing to rub your thumb back and forth against his hand.

He nods, not being able to bring himself to speak. He’s tired, so unbelievably tired, and he thinks that if he speaks he’ll begin to cry. He doesn’t realise that his grip on your hand has tightened.

“I’m not going to leave you.” He hears you whisper, squeezing his hand back.

He only brings himself to nod again, trying desperately to ignore the way his heart flutters in his chest. Uh oh. He’s falling in love.

***

Spencer knocks on your door at half past two in the morning, eyes bloodshot and feeling as if he was suffocating. He doesn’t want to be alone. At least, he doesn’t right now. He would usually enjoy the feeling of solace, considering that it was unlikely he would be able to experience those moments, but lately it feels as though he is lost inside of his own mind. He misses the moments where his head would swirl with unnecessary statistics, or random animal facts that he knows you adore. Now, the only thing stuck in his mind is the rush of the high– and the plummeting feeling of the low.

He holds a breath as he watches your feet come to a stop at the door before the doorknob jiggles and opens. His eyes hesitantly meet yours and he swallows thickly.

“Can I come in?” He asks, the words barely a whisper.

“Yeah,” comes your response, and you open the door a little wider. “Yeah, Spence, of course.”

He watches as you boil water and prepare two cups of tea– one chamomile and the other peppermint. He sits on the couch, fiddling with his fingers and his eyes darting around nervously.

“Spencer.”

Your voice echoes through the room, and suddenly he feels very grounded. He forces his eyes to meet yours and he feels himself stop breathing. Have you always been this beautiful?

“You haven’t been yourself lately,” you say, setting down the cup of peppermint tea in front of him. “Talk to me.”

He laughs humourlessly, sipping at the scalding tea and he grimaces at the burning sensation. “You sound like a therapist.”

“I studied as one,” you counter, dipping your teabag up and down in the cup. “The others… they can’t say anything. But I’m leaving the BAU soon, so I’m technically allowed to ask you this without any federal obligations.”

“I don’t know–” he begins to deny, but stops short at the way you give him a warning look.

“You’re high right now, aren’t you? And you were on the plane.” Your tone isn’t accusatory, but he expects it from the words that leave your lips. Your gaze softens as you continue. “It’s because of him, isn’t it?”

He flinches and he knows there’s no way out of it. “I tried.”

“I know.”

“I just– I can’t and I want to and I wish that I was… that I was stronger.”

“You are strong.”

He shakes his head. “I should be able to get over this. Get over everything he did to me.”

“Spencer, you were kidnapped and drugged and then you came back to the BAU like nothing even happened.” You pause and lick your bottom lip. “No one is expecting you to get over it, especially not this quickly.”

He doesn’t respond, a strange sense of deja vu filling him at your words and he sits rigid on the couch with his hands in his lap. His eyes don’t leave your face, his gaze shifting from your eyes to the curvature of your nose and then to your lips. For a split second, he wonders how they would feel against his, or how they’d feel against his neck. His head goes heavy at the thought and he pushes them away.

You don’t seem to notice where his eyes have settled, or you’re very good at acting as if he isn’t staring at your face because you continue to speak. “Well,” you say slowly, putting the cup of tea onto the table, “it’s a good thing I’m leaving the BAU then, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know if I can do this job without you,” he confesses, shifting his eyes downcast as he stares into his tea.

You laugh a little, and he thinks it’s the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard. “You act as if I’m dying or something.”

“I’m serious,” he presses, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I want to be happy for you. And I am! But at the same time I feel– I feel so selfish for wanting you to stay.”

He feels you sit beside him and he instinctively leans into your touch, burying his face into the space between your neck and shoulder.

“It’s not your fault, Spence,” you whisper, rubbing comforting circles on his back. “And I’m always going to be there for you. Promise me you’ll remember that?”

He nods deftly into your neck, breathing in the smell of your perfume.

“Spencer.”

“Promise,” he mumbles, an arm wrapped around your waist. “I know. I promise.”

You hum in acknowledgement. “Good.”

There’s a lull in the conversation, but for once it’s no longer the uncomfortable silence you were tormented with back home. You could feel everything from his hot breath on your neck to the way his fingers squeeze your sides as if you’d disappear if he held you any looser.

“We still need to talk about this whole issue at some point though. You know that, right?” You murmur into his hair.

“I know.”

“We don’t have to talk about it now.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to stay over?”

“… please.”

***

It has been two weeks since you finished up at the BAU and started work at a clinic, working as a children’s therapist. It’s been a good change of pace for you; a lot slower and much more routinely. The hours are a million times better, and you find that you’re able to get home before seven on most days. The amount of free time that’s been handed to you is something to get used to, now that it’s no longer filled with completing paperwork or getting onto a plane.

Despite all the positives, it feels strange not seeing your former team everyday. It feels strange not being able to see Penelope’s brightly coloured outfits, or Derek’s dumb jokes. You missed Emily’s sarcasm and JJ’s stories about Henry, and you missed seeing Hotch’s rare smiles whenever he sees someone in his team succeeding. A lot of the time you find yourself craving Rossi’s famous pastas accompanied with special wine. But most of all, you miss seeing Spencer in his element every single day.

He’s been doing better, or so he says. He’s been going to self-help groups and you’ve been sending him summaries of help books written by former addicts. It seems to have helped because he’s been acting more and more like Spencer Reid than a weird limbo version of him. He still spends a lot of time at your place, sleeping on your couch despite your constant protests. He ends up taking turns with you after you bribed him with multiple chocolate donuts.

Although he insists that he’s been doing better, his constant night terrors say otherwise and more often than not you find him sweating and sobbing in his sleep. Today is no different.

“Spencer,” You whisper, shaking his shoulder firmly. “Spence!”

He jolts awake, sitting up so quickly he almost knocks his forehead with yours. He groans, his fingers flying to his eyes as he rubs them. Fresh tears slip past his closed eyes, spilling down his cheeks and you pull him into your arms.

“You’re okay, I got you,” you murmur, rubbing soothing circles against his shoulder blade as he sobs.

He keeps repeating the words “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I don’t want it” as he sobs against your shoulder, clutching your shirt in the palms of his hands.

“Breathe in,” you guide gently, running your free hand through his hair, “breathe deep… breathe out…”

He takes in a shaky breath before exhaling through sobs but he continues to follow your guide. He wraps around you tightly, taking deep breaths in before releasing them. After a few minutes of steady breathing, he finally speaks.

“I relapsed yesterday.”

He expects you to push him off and start screaming. He expects you to start yelling at him for not being able to control himself and for wasting all his progress. He reckons he deserves it. But you don’t do any of those things.

“That’s okay,” you respond, squeezing his hand. “Have you talked to Meredith about it?”

Meredith Gray is a therapist you introduced Spencer to. She’s a good friend of yours and specialises in addictions as well as post traumatic stress disorder, and she even wrote her final thesis about it. Even though you work in different fields, the jobs cross over a lot when there’s speculation that a parent could be sick. After explaining the situation to her, Meredith was more than willing to take Spencer as a client.

Spencer shakes his head, the guilt creeping into his chest and lacing his words. “No… I have an appointment with her tomorrow though.”

“Okay, good,” you nod, continuing to rub soothing circles on his back. “Relapsing is normal. It’s just another step to healing.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise.”

“But–”

“It’s normal,” you repeat firmly. “You acknowledged it, and you told me. That’s good, Spence, better than most people.”

He’s quiet, his nose brushing against the soft skin of your neck before he speaks again. “Did you know I’m scared of elevators?”

You can’t help but laugh at the change of conversation and you squeeze his hand. “No, I didn’t.”

“Morgan and I got caught in one the other day. On a case,” he muses. “On average, elevators are inspected once or twice a year, but some could go up to three years without inspection. There are approximately ten thousand elevator related injuries per year, and twenty seven deaths.”

“Now I’m never going into an elevator again,” you respond with jest, poking his cheek. “It’s late. Take the bed, Walter.”

He huffs. “It’s your turn.”

“You need it more than me.”

“I’m not fragile.”

“I never said that you are.”

“(Y/N).”

You give him a pointed look. “Spencer.”

He stares at you for a moment, holding your gaze before he swallows and looks away. You watch the way his Adam Apple bobs in his throat and you suddenly feel faint.

“Take the bed, Walter,” you repeat, brushing a strand of hair away from his face. “Please?”

He says your name again, and he reaches up to rest his fingers against the collar of your pyjamas. Your breath hitches and you can’t help the way your cheeks grow warm and your head starts to spin. His touch is gentle, his fingers brushing against the skin of your shoulder. You resist the urge to shudder as you relish his skin against yours.

“Stay with me,” he murmurs, pleading, and his eyes glance from your collar to your eyes.

“You hate sharing beds,” you remind him.

His thumb grazes against your jaw and his face is so close to yours you could count his eyelashes. If you didn’t know any better, you would have thought that he was going to kiss you. But you do know better, so you avert your gaze and push the thoughts out of your mind. An indescribable look flickers on his face but it is gone as quickly as it had appeared.

“It’s okay if it’s you,” he says earnestly, and you find yourself agreeing because how could you say ‘no’ to that?

You climb into bed, one leg outside of the covers because everything felt so warm, especially with his arm wrapped around your middle and his breath against your shoulder. The thin line between platonic and romantic love has blurred indefinitely now, and at times like these you feel as if it has disappeared entirely. Guilt creeps into your veins as you feel him bring you closer to him, his nose buried into your shoulder. Is this considered coercing? He’s in the middle of healing, working towards sobriety, and here you are taking advantage of his vulnerability. Well, technically you’re not ‘taking advantage’ of him if he seeks you out first but it still feels inherently wrong. Morally wrong, maybe.

It takes you another thirty minutes to fall asleep, your head rushing with thoughts and questions as you do. He’s gone when you wake up in the morning.

***

“Someone is looking happy,” Derek comments with a teasing grin, slinking an arm around Spencer’s neck.

It has been about a week since the ‘sleep in the same bed’ incident and he was promptly whisked away to a case in Nevada. He felt guilty about the whole ordeal, considering he wasn’t in his right state of mind at the time. It still made him feel like a sleazy college student who had a one night stand with some random person and then bolted (even though there was no contact of that sort that night). Despite his initial guilt, his head is spinning with the sheer peace and comfort that he experienced when he was sleeping in the same bed as someone. And that someone was you! He could barely even believe it. It all felt so right and perfect… and the way you would shuffle closer at times… it was enough to get his heart racing (he thinks that it’s terribly cliche and horribly cringe-worthy, but therapy has told him that he needs to ‘embrace’ his gross sappy feelings).

“What? No– I mean yes but–” Spencer coughs in response to Derek’s teasing, clutching the strap of his shoulder bag.

Derek cackles at his fumbling, grinning ear to ear. “Alright, so… is it a girl?”

“What?!” He shrieks, his voice raising by two octaves as he does. “I have no idea what you’re talking about!”

“Oh so there is a girl,” Emily joins in with a smirk.

“There is– there is no girl,” he responds briskly, his cheeks burning in embarrassment.

Derek hums in thought, a mischievous look in his eye. “Did you catch up with Lila again?”

“No!” Spencer bristles at the thought. Ever since he almost destroyed his friendship with you over her, he hasn’t even bothered to give her a call. “I haven’t seen her since her since– since her case.”

“What about that girl you picked up at a bar?” Emily offers with a sly laugh. “What’s her name again?”

“Austin,” Spencer recalls instantly, his cheeks flaring up again as soon as she says her name. “B-but I haven’t spoken to her either!”

JJ rounds the corner, all too happy to join in the fun (much to Spencer’s chagrin). “I bet it’s (Y/N),” she says with a knowing smirk.

Spencer considers his brain to be a well oiled machine of facts and logic. It’s one of the only things he could rely on– and the only thing people seem to respect him for. As of late, his ‘well oiled machine’ hasn’t been functioning as well as he would have liked, but that doesn’t mean it’s not functioning at almost full capacity. But JJ’s comment, no matter how well functioning his brain was, rendered him speechless.

“Looks like you hit the nail on the head, JJ,” Derek cackles, clapping Spencer’s shoulder.

He lets out a small grunt at the contact, almost stumbling over his feet before he catches himself. “There is nothing going on between (Y/N) and I. We’re just friends.” The words taste bitter on his tongue and he resists the urge to cringe.

“Sure,” Emily says with a short laugh. “Totally believe you. How long did it take for you to realise you’re in love with her?”

JJ snickers along. “Yeah, before or after you had that make out session with Lila?”

Spencer groans at their relentless teasing, covering his face with his hands as they walk along to the bullpen. They’re definitely a lot calmer once they enter their official place of work, but it still doesn’t stop the way they poke fun at him through sly smiles and tasteful words.

“There’s nothing going on between us,” Spencer reiterates with a frown. “She knows just how difficult this job is; she doesn’t deserve to have to deal with it again.”

“Isn’t she the one who’s supposed to decide that?” Emily asks gently, no more teasing in her tone. She’s always been good at giving advice.

He pauses at that, a frown etched upon his features. His mind rushes with memories; the constant leaving, the torture, the trauma, the drugs… his fingers run through his hair.

“It’s not a good time right now,” he explains softly.

“When will it ever?”

He doesn’t meet her gaze.“I don’t know.”

← previous part || next part →

full work

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #matthew gray gubler #matthew gray gubler x reader #mgg #mgg x reader #taylor swift #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x reader fluff #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds x reader fluff #spencer reid angst #spencer reid x reader angst #criminal minds angst #criminal minds x reader angst

1K notes · View notes