#queer eye reaction pictures
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When Eddie comes out to him, Steve makes a big mistake. His first reaction was to thank him for trusting him, which is what Robin told him to do in this situation.
But his second reaction was to say “I also like guys.”
Eddie blinked at him, clearly confused and defensive, like maybe Steve was making fun or not taking him seriously.
“Uh. You do?”
“Yeah man! I mean, no one else knows, but yeah.”
Eddie smiled and thanked him for trusting him with it, said they should hang out more, and recommended a queer bar in Indy if he needed a safe place to explore.
And Steve smiled and nodded like he couldn’t agree more.
As soon as Eddie was gone, he rushed to the phone in his kitchen and called Robin.
She called him an idiot, a dingus, a bisexual disaster —whatever that was—, and told him he absolutely wasn’t allowed to go to a queer bar without her.
She did at least agree to keep up the lie until he could find a way out of it without Eddie thinking he lied to hurt him or something.
But he started hanging out a lot more with Eddie and finding that they had more in common than he originally thought.
Eddie took Robin and Steve to the queer club and Steve…felt at home, felt welcomed, felt like he belonged. Robin kept giving him these looks all night, and Eddie kept dragging him to meet people who he cared about, and one of the guys on the dance floor kept pulling him out there to dance with him.
He felt free and alive and-
Queer.
It hit him as the guy, Paul maybe, was pulling him closer by his waist as his hips rocked to the beat of a song he didn’t recognize but felt like something he wanted on a mixtape. It hit him that he liked this because he liked dancing with Paul like this. He liked this because he saw himself visiting more, even without Eddie and Robin. He liked this because he could picture making out with Eddie in the bathroom.
He froze.
“You okay, sweet thing?” Paul asked him.
“I think I’m in love with my friend.”
Paul’s eyes widened momentarily before patting Steve’s hip. “Is he gay, honey?”
“Huh?” Steve was already trying to find Eddie in the crowd. “Oh, yeah. He’s here tonight.”
“Shouldn’t you be dancin’ with him then?”
Steve finally looked back at Paul, who had his hands on his own hips now, teasing smile on his face.
“Yeah. I should,” Steve thanked him, apologized for any misleading, which was immediately brushed off. Paul was here to dance, he didn’t much care for who he was dancing with.
“Send that beauty over here. She looks like she needs some lessons,” Paul pointed to Robin, who was still looking a little nervous despite the friendly bartender handing her sodas every time he passed by her.
“She’s gay, man.”
“So am I! Doesn’t mean we can’t dance!”
Steve laughed. “You’re right.”
He walked over to Robin quickly, avoided getting pulled back into the crowd.
“I’m in love with Eddie.”
Robin rolled her eyes. “I know, dingus. You literally risked your entire reputation to come to a queer bar to try to impress him.”
Steve balked. “That’s not what this was!”
“Uh huh. Well he’s sulking in the bathroom if you wanna go tell him.”
“Sulking? Why?”
“He saw you dancing with that guy. Think he assumed you were interested in him.”
“Not a chance. I prefer long hair and ripped jeans,” Steve winked. He turned to walk towards the hall with the bathrooms when Robin stopped him.
“Don’t do this if you’re not 100% sure,” she said seriously. “Eddie really likes you and it would destroy him if you were lying to make him feel better.”
“I wouldn’t do that,” Steve started, but stopped when Robin gave him a look.
“You’ve literally been pretending to be queer for the last two months because he came out to you and you accidentally came out to him. You’re lucky it wasn’t a complete lie.”
“Yeah but I wouldn’t fuck with his feelings like that.” Steve knew what it was like to be led on. He wouldn’t do that to Eddie. “I’ll be careful with him.”
“And be careful with you.”
He saluted her as he walked away.
When he found Eddie sitting on the counter at the sink in the bathroom, he was swinging his legs back and forth and humming something distinctly less pop than what was playing on the dance floor. No one else was in here, but that didn’t mean no one would walk in.
He walked over to Eddie and placed a hand on his knee.
Eddie immediately stopped kicking his feet and looked up.
“What’s with the face?” Steve asked, reaching up to touch the line between his brows that always appeared when he was pouting.
Eddie shrugged. “Just not feeling it tonight I guess.”
“The music isn’t really your thing. Kinda surprised you like this place,” Steve said as his hand drifted down to his wrist. “Seems closer to a small club than a bar.”
“You seemed to be enjoying yourself.”
Eddie’s tone was sharp, laced with jealousy. Even if Steve hadn’t had his realization five minutes earlier, he would’ve seen what that was from a mile away.
“I was until I realized I’d rather be out there with you.”
Eddie snorted. “I don’t really dance.”
“But you’d dance with me if I asked, right?” Steve’s fingers circled his wrist and he tugged Eddie off the counter. “Even if I asked you to do it right here with no music?”
“Steve, what are you doing?”
“Dancing. Or trying to.” Steve rested his hands on Eddie’s hips and started swaying them in sync with his. “It is hard without music.”
“Why don’t you go back out there?” Eddie’s hands went around Steve’s neck.
“Because you’re not out there. I don’t wanna be where you aren’t.”
“Steve-“
“You know I didn’t actually know I liked guys until tonight?” Steve huffed out a laugh. “Well, I really like this one guy. Not sure about others yet.”
Eddie was silent, but didn’t push Steve away.
“He was hiding in this bathroom though. I didn’t really think he’d join me out there, so I brought the dancing to him,” Steve winked.
“You like me? You? Like me?”
Steve nodded.
“And you just realized this?”
“Kinda.”
“In a queer bar?”
“Mhm.”
“That’s pretty gay, dude.”
Steve snorted and smacked Eddie’s chest. “That’s the point.”
Eddie moved in impossibly closer, no room for Jesus between their chests anymore. “So you lied when you came out to me?”
“I panicked! But it doesn’t actually count as a lie if I’ve seen the light.”
“Was it a rainbow light? Or the reflection of the disco ball in the glitter shorts Perry was wearing?” Eddie joked.
“Perry!” Steve smacked his own forehead. “He’s nice. Made me come tell you how I feel.”
“Oh. He did?” Eddie seemed shy for maybe the first time ever.
“Yeah. Said I should come dance with you if I’m in love with you.”
Steve hadn’t felt like this in a while, and hadn’t left his heart on his sleeve like this in even longer. As Eddie’s face went from shy to shocked to flustered, Steve thought about how long he’d been dancing around these feelings.
But no more dancing around them. Now it was time to dance with them.
“Can’t believe you just said you’re in love with me in the bathroom of a queer bar. Don’t even think they clean this place,” Eddie laughed, letting his forehead fall against Steve’s.
“I’ll tell you again outside.” Steve kissed his cheek. “And in the van.” His nose. “Your house, my house.” The corner of his mouth. “Everywhere.”
Eddie licked his lip, skipping over a soft kiss for a hungry one. It was hot, desperate, impatient. Everything Steve hadn’t known he needed.
Then again, he hadn’t even actually known he liked guys until tonight. Maybe he was just late to learn things about himself.
#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#stranger things#headcanon#robin buckley#drabble#Steve Harrington is a bisexual disaster and in this essay I will#coming out that’s funny as hell#Steve coming out before he even realizes he’s queer is the epitome of cinematic masterpiece#alas I’m high and could only write this
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I came out as trans at about fifteen or sixteen, changed my name, and I’ve lived as a man since. As a young man doing my A-Levels, going to university, and working afterwards, I was out as a man, using he/him pronouns, using my actual name —
Two pictures of me, one at age 16, the other at age 19.
To people who had no idea what a trans man looked like, it was pretty easy to give people a funny look and say, “I’m a man,” in a tone that made them suddenly flustered and nervous, because cis people feel extremely guilty about misgendering another cisgender person in a way they don’t when they know you’re trans.
I was thin, had a lower-toned but still not masculine voice, didn’t have much of a chest — I got gendered correctly automatically maybe 30 or 40% of the time, and maybe up to 50% if I employed shame in the right way, implied I was cis with a hormonal imbalance, or if people assumed I was still a teenage boy rather than an adult.
To people who did know what a trans man looked like but weren’t trans themselves, talking to them was fucking excruciating.
I remember once when I was selling house alarms and some hideous cis girl asked, “Are you transgender?” and I immediately told her, “Nope,” as she kept questioning the point. Another time, I was in the back of a taxi when a man asked if I was trans, although thankfully when I told him, “Nope, just low testosterone,” he seemed to immediately believe me and back the fuck off.
It’s one of the reasons I feel conflicted about trans visibility — it’s great for other trans people to see a variety of trans representation, but cis people knowing what trans people are is a double-edged sword, because cis people are entitled, invasive, and often just straight-up weird about gender, most of all when they think they’re being allies.
When I started working at a hotel, my immediate boss was a very abusive woman — she was petty, vindictive, and because she had poor organisational skills and frequently got flustered by her own workload, she would take this out on any staff around her, whether that was her juniors, other management, or sometimes guests.
Her being abusive in the workplace wasn’t that unusual. Now and then the managers would misgender me, and I’d correct them, and they’d brush it off as they apologised, that sort of thing.
Because this manager identified as an ally, she flipped her fucking lid.
She went off on a tirade for some ten minutes about what a great ally she is, and how much she knows about and cares about trans people, and how a lot of people wouldn’t hire a trans person, and she volunteers with local queer groups (she was at the time a mediocre DJ, and frequently DJed at a local gay club), and all this bluster.
Over one (apparently needed) correction.
All she needed to do was not misgender me — a quick “sorry” might have been nice. A ten-minute rant about how she was a saint for hiring me?
Not really necessary.
Cisgender people hate trans people — and I know some cis people reading this are immediately raising their hackles and about to go “well not ALL cis people — “ because they’re allies, and it’s important that I know that they’re a good one, actually, and they’re a real ally.
But the reason that cis people have a knee-jerk negative reaction to trans people, intersex people, and any person that they have decided is gender non-conforming, the reason they respond so punishingly to our existence or to mild misbehaviours on our parts — such as demanding respect or correcting their mistakes — is because our very existence is an interruption to their worldview, the ideologies and biases by which they live.
They should know what a man is just by looking at one, and if they get it wrong, that’s embarrassing for them — because to cisgender people the binary male-female divide is crucial to the way they respect or disrespect others, people that interrupt their thinking on it can trigger a lot of rage and upset. A trans person represents a frightening challenge — what if they accidentally treated a man with the casual disrespect that is rightfully allotted women? What if they sexually objectified a man thinking he was a woman, and it made them gay for a moment?
If they think you’re cisgender and heterosexual enough, any of these things are their fault, and they feel very bad about them.
But if you’re trans?
Well, it’s your fault for existing that way, right? You’re the one doing genders wrong — they’re not the one that made the error!
There’s a particular rage reserved for trans men, lesbians, and any other trans or GNC person that’s perceived as being “biologically female” — because society feels the greatest gender-based entitlement over these people’s bodies, in large part due to institutional misogyny, we’re perceived as gender traitors.
Cis men hate us because we’ve ruined what they perceived as a resource for them — a source of sexual gratification and aesthetic pleasure, a breeding vessel for birthing babies, not to mention a mother with all the domestic labour that comes with; cis women hate us because they perceive us as gaining all the privileges of being male, of gaming the system, and at the same time breaking what they sometimes feel is a sort of sacred trust of femininity.
In order to cope with institutional misogyny, some cis women effectively craft a further gender-based bioessentialism — if you have a uterus and are perceived as a woman by society, you’re not just physically capable of birthing a child. You must also innately have the traits of an ideal mother — you must be nurturing and lovely, you must be caring, you must have the correct emotions, you must be submissive in the right way. But also, a woman like this must be cleverer than a man, and if she effectively parents or cares for the men in her life, she just does that because she is so smart, and men are so stupid.
Again, trans people represent an interruption to that mode of thinking. If trans people are real, and we’re the genders we say we are, all of that ideology is nonsense.
If I, a trans man, can just “choose” to be a man, doesn’t that mean that every woman that experiences misogyny is just “choosing” misogynistic abuse?
The fact that as a trans man, I experience abuses that are linked to misogyny is irrelevant — that I’m at a higher risk of sexual abuse, that medical professionals dismiss my symptoms as soon as some of them realise I’m “really” a woman and cease my treatment or cease treating me with the respect due a man; that people dismiss me and dehumanise me, either because they think I’m transgender, and therefore a lesser being, or an ugly and not sexually available woman, and therefore a lesser being.
If I’m a trans man, I must experience male privilege — why else would I choose to be trans?
And if I don’t experience male privilege in every situation, because people don’t always consider me male or legitimately male, or if male privilege in any given situation I experience is actually complicated by other factors, such as race, disability, sexuality, and so on, then I must be lying.
Passing privilege isn’t the same as male privilege — passing privilege generally refers to the privileges a transgender person experiences because they reliably pass as cisgender.
I don’t think that it’s universal — “passing privilege” assumes that everyone passes in all situations, and while I would say that I pass very reliably in a lot of mine now that I’m several years on T and my second puberty has been very good to me, this doesn’t apply everywhere.
When I’m in the hospital, for example, or otherwise seeing a doctor, I get treated with even more hostility — partially because most cis doctors practice misogyny-based medicine and are more likely to dismiss women’s symptoms or generally give them worse medical care, especially male doctors treating women. In my experience, cis female doctors are more likely to punish me for being transgender than a cis male one is.
I’ve noticed multiple times going to see a doctor, being treated as a man with all my pain or symptoms being treated as a concern, and then abruptly there’s a sudden withdrawal of care and concern when the doctor either realises I’m transgender and/or realises I’m “really” a woman.
But the thing is?
I’m pretty sure that the reason I suddenly receive such aggressive negative response is because I pass so well. When cis people realise that I’m trans, they feel even angrier and more personally betrayed, because I’ve so thoroughly “tricked” them by being a man without their permission.
Me at 24, about a year on testosterone; me at 25, about two years on testosterone. Same blouse, same vest.
But in general, day-to-day life — yeah, I’m perceived as a cis man.
Notably, a cis gay man.
Regularly, other trans guys and some butches tell me that as they began to present in ways perceived as more masculine, they noticed that women in public responded to them differently.
If they were out at night and a woman was walking alone nearby, she might cross the street to be a bit further away from them; she might choose to sit elsewhere rather than be near them on a bench; a woman alone might not want to share a lift with them.
I thought this was interesting the first few times I heard it — I hear it all the time, and it still strikes me as curious, because I don’t experience the same thing at all.
I’ve never had a woman walk away from me, or be careful not to be alone with me. Frequently, women strike up conversation with me in public, they chat to me on buses the way they might with other women — a little while ago I was waiting for my boyfriend to pick me up from the airport, and a young girl of 19 or so actually came up to me to ask if she could hotspot off my phone for a second and to ask me for directions.
It’s not that women alone shouldn’t strike up conversation with men, or shouldn’t be alone with them — but just to avoid any potential discomfort or risk of being harassed, many of them understandably avoid it.
But a lot of women see me in the street or in public places, and when they perform their internal risk assessment, I don’t prompt a red flag.
Part of it is that I’m skinny and white, sure — I’m not very physically intimidating in terms of my size, and I’m not racialised in the way many Black and dark-skinned men and boys are. Sometimes, I’m using a mobility aid like a cane, and that makes a difference, too.
But as a rule, I’m pretty. I wear make-up — I often wear face stickers and have visible “tattoos”. I’m fussy about my hair, and it shows. I dress in bright prints and florals, I wear silks and satins, I wear waistcoats and high-waisted jeans, I wear block heels.
When I walk, I sashay my hips. I hold my hands in a delicate way — I gesticulate freely, and I move my fingers when I do so in an effete way. If they hear me talk, people often guess from my accent that I’m English rather than Welsh, and that I’m more educated than I am, not to mention significantly posher.
The average cishet stranger in the street absolutely sees me as a man — and they exclusively see me as a gay one. No one ever mistakes me for a straight one, and that absolutely affects the way I’m treated.
I couldn’t possibly pose a threat of sexual harassment in many women’s eyes, because I’m obviously gay, and many cis straight women feel very comfortable with — if not entitled to — gay men’s companionship, especially white gays with effete mannerisms.
When talking about gender-based privileges for trans men and mascs, we don’t tend to consider any impact that perceptions of our sexuality can have, but because of the way gay men are sorted into a different subclass of cis masculinity than straight men, there’s a noticeable impact.
Straight people sometimes roll their eyes or look amused when they think I’m being particularly dramatic or gay; occasionally straight men wolf-whistle at me or make comments about how gay I look; people strike up conversations with me about RuPaul’s Drag Race, start chattering to me about drag, because they just assume that’s the sort of thing I would be into. I get looks sometimes on the bus if I’m chatting with friends or on the phone, or sometimes if I’m just there in front of them and I look very gay.
Most of this isn’t incredibly malicious — is it homophobic? Sure, sometimes. A lot of it is just straight people trying to understand what they think is gay culture the best way they know how.
Parents with kids actually make me the most nervous — not because there’s any danger posed by the kids themselves most of the time, but because parents can be the most vicious when it comes to homophobia. They’ll accuse gay men of being paedophiles just for existing in public and seeming a bit fruity, or they’ll get nervous about how gay someone looks in case their kids ask questions about it.
And kids do find how I look interesting — all the time, I’ll be out in public, and a kid will notice that my nails are painted or that I’m wearing high heels or that they see tattoos on my face, and they’ll ask their parents about it.
It’s anxiety-inducing for any parent when their child starts acting about a stranger’s appearance where the stranger can hear them, because they get worried about the potential impoliteness — when that stranger is a faggot, some of them get angry at me, because once again, even without their knowing I’m transgender, I’m interrupting their worldview of what the correct gendered behaviours are, forcing them to think about it, forcing them to explain aberrations to their kids.
A “normal”, “real” man is straight, after all, and does straight men’s things, like dress badly and sexually harass women and get ugly haircuts. It’s confusing, if I’m out on the streets looking fuckable.
The last time I was travelling, I was sitting in a restaurant in the airport, and some boys at the next table were staring at me.
“Dad, why is that man wearing makeup?”
“I don’t know, some men wear it.”
“How come?”
“…”
It is a truth universally acknowledged that wherever a faggot goes, little boys will be asking their mildly homophobic but well-meaning and liberal parents questions about that man’s physical appearance.
A classic response, and one that I overhear often, was this man’s retort: “Why don’t you go and ask him?”
Sometimes teenagers and kids laugh at how I dress, especially if they’re in groups together — and especially, too, if there’s a bunch of us visible queers together.
One thing I’ve noticed about wearing crop-tops is that some people get het-up about how hairy I am and the hair visible on my belly, or under my arms if I’m wearing a vest — because some straight people see a white twink and want to reclassify him as being part of the woman subcategory instead of the man subcategory (based on his assumed sexual availability to men), they then apply women’s rules of physical appearance to him.
After all, if I’m wearing makeup and high heels and high-waisted jeans and a crop-top, that’s like how a woman dresses — and if I’m going to dress like a woman even though I’m obviously a man, I should be held to the standards a woman would be too. I should be hairless and odourless, like a sexy child, because “sexy child” is the ideal for an attractive woman, right?
Some cishet women also hate how I dress and instead of laughing or grumbling about it in the way that cishet men do, they wrinkle their noses and get really quite scornful about it.
Some of those women’s husbands are secretly on Grindr (I know because I have sex with them), and I believe this is the closest they get to facing their suspicions as to their husbands’ bisexuality.
A photo of me from earlier this month, age 26.
I started taking testosterone some months before the pandemic started, but experienced the bulk of my second puberty’s physical effects over the course of the following years.
Subsequently, when I went to a queer event being run after about two years on testosterone, many people there hadn’t seen me out in some time. I got a lot of looks and a lot of interest, especially from other queer men, in a way I never had before — I always got a lot of engagement and looks, but many cis gay men would take a little while to warm up to the idea of me as a man if they knew or suspected I was trans.
Maybe it’s just because I’m hotter, though, right? I’m hardly the only person to go through a glow-up on HRT, and I certainly feel more attractive.
Except that several of the older men looking at me were men I’d known casually for years — and a bunch of them came up and introduced themselves. Said hi, what’s your name, I’m x, it’s nice to meet you, are you new to the city?
Because up ’til then, they really hadn’t much looked at me in much detail. Many of these men had heard me give talks, had talked to me in queer bars, had met me at one event or another, and I just hadn’t stuck in their minds — they certainly hadn’t come up and spoken to me before, let alone with such enthusiasm.
And I do want to say, like —
None of these men would call themselves anti-trans — they’d try to use the right pronouns, they’d say that there should be trans events on, and so on. But there’s still going to be unconscious biases there — whether up ’til now they saw me as a woman (and therefore just looked past me) or saw me as trans (and therefore just looked past me), suddenly I was a fully realised human being. Maybe I was attractive and fuckable to some of them — but crucially, I was also another gay man, and therefore real and worth talking to.
And I will say that this isn’t all older gay men in my community or even like, a massive majority of them — but it was enough older gay men to be noticeable.
Even entering into new gay spaces, queer men tend to be friendlier to me than they used to, more outgoing in conversation, chattier, etc.
That’s obviously not necessarily because I’m trans — like I said, I’m also hotter than I used to be, I’m older, more educated, I dress better and more confidently, etc. There’s other factors at play, and I’m not comparing friendliness to cruelty or coldness — I’m comparing it to polite apathy, which was often mild enough that I wasn’t hugely affected by it pre-T.
Some men do treat me a little coldly, but from what I can tell it’s not usually because they suspect or know I’m trans — a lot of the time it’s actually because I’m so faggy and effeminate, or they just don’t trust that I’m gonna be cool because I’m so young.
Mixed queer spaces can be another story.
Other queer people my age have often found me intimidating — I’m a pretty outspoken person, my politics are more aggressive leftwing than many people’s, and as a autistic, I speak plainly and directly in a way that a lot of people don’t care for, or can find scary and overwhelming.
Now, though?
The response to my perceived aggression is a lot more dramatic and avoidant — because now they assume I’m a cisgender man.
People often interpret me as angry or aggressive when I’m not — I can sometimes be somewhat flat in my affect, I can be a very blunt communicator, I don’t tend to beat around the bush when it comes to my opinions. All of these are pretty standard as an autistic guy, and a lot of other people have experienced the same thing I have — the interpretation of those personality traits as aggressive or argumentative.
But it’s been interesting experiencing the negative response ramp up so much as soon as I’m perceived as “really” male, even by other transmascs, queer people, and trans men.
It can be strange at times navigating broader trans spaces as someone who doesn’t look trans in the way even other trans people expect you to, where they just assume that you’re cisgender, or that as someone who already passes and has therefore “finished” your journey as a trans person, there’s less reason for you to be in community with other trans people.
Especially when it comes to trauma like…
There is an assumption by many young queer people that cis gay people are just fine now, that homophobia doesn’t impact them in the traumatic way it did older generations, or that homophobia is no longer an active impact on people’s lives — I obviously am transgender, but to be brushed off with the assumption I haven’t experienced the same extent of bigotry or negative experience because I appear cisgender always strikes me as fucked up when of course a lot of cis men have had similar life experiences to me, or worse.
I will say that again, the negative responses are from a minority, just big enough to be noticeable, and the more people talk to me, the more they relax a little about the whole thing.
It’s still funny though, like —
I met some trans friends of a partner recently, and I came downstairs without a shirt on because I was hurriedly multitasking, and watched her do a double take at my chest.
I laughed and was like, “Did you not realise I was trans?”
And she went, “No!” and we had a giggle about it.
Most of the time meeting other queer people across the board, I’m extended care and compassion and love — it’s just weird, I think, being so aware of the gendered differences in how people speak with and apparently perceive me, and how things have and do change, especially because people assume transmasculinity means a one-way journey to Male Privilege, and all the benefits it can come with.
As with any and everything else, these matters come with nuance and layers, and nothing is as simple as A to B with no complications.
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Thanks for all the prompts! I combined a few: Outsider POV, getting together with the help of friends, Steve Harrington is an Idiot (affectionate), Rocky Horror, and “did we almost just kiss?”
“Robin,” Steve says, before he’s even fully in the Family Video door. “I’m having a crisis.”
She shoves another VHS tape into the rewinder. “No.”
“What do you mean, no?” He whines, collapsing face-first onto the counter.
“I mean no. I don’t have time for a crisis right now. We just finished a crisis and I require at least fifteen business days between crises. I do not have the bandwidth.”
“It’s not like a crisis, crisis,” he mutters. “It’s…a personal crisis.”
She flicks the side of his head. “What is the nature of this personal crisis?”
He rolls his face so his cheek is pressed to the laminate. He meets her eyes. “How did you know you liked girls?”
“Oh,” Robin says. The tape rewinder clicks but she doesn’t move. “Oh. Yeah, we can handle this crisis now. It’s long overdue.”
“Long over—” Steve straightens, weight on his elbows. “What?”
“Honestly I thought we were going to have this conversation during the whole Rocky Horror Picture Show thing but––”
“Robin”
“Sorry. Right. I knew I liked girls because I liked girls. I knew I liked girls because I wanted to kiss girls.”
“Yeah. But how did you know it was more than the normal amount?”
“…the normal amount,” she repeats.
“Well sure,” he scrubs a hand through his hair. “Everyone wants to kiss everyone a little bit, right? Like. How did you know it was more than the normal heterosexual amount?”
Robin cannot believe she’s going to have to say this out loud. She glances around the empty store just to make sure no one has somehow teleported in during the last two minutes.
“Steve. Steven. There is no normal heterosexual amount of wanting to kiss people of the same gender.”
He crosses his arms. “Well, that can’t be right.”
“Hold on. Wait. What boys have you wanted to kiss?” She can guess, but confirmation would be nice.
“Are you sure that––”
“Yes, I’m sure. But back to the boys you’ve wanted to kiss. Have you…acted on that, ever?
“Yeah but just the––oh. Well. You’re probably going to say there isn’t a normal heterosexual amount of kissing the same gender either.”
“How are you this stupid.”
“I mean, everyone messes around with their friends at some point, right?”
“I desperately wish that was true,” Robin answers. “Because if it was, I would not be standing here at 19 years old finding out that Steve Harrington has kissed a boy before I kissed a girl. Jesus. Wait. How many boys have you kissed?”
“Three?”
“Three? Unbelievable.”
Except now he’s wearing his big-eyed, floppy-haired sad expression and she knows, she knows she’s not handling this the way she should.
Robin sighs. “Ok, I’m sorry. Thank you for trusting me with this. I love you and I’m here for you and it sounds like you’re bisexual. Which is actually pretty cool because that means I know two whole queer people other than myself in Hawkins. Well. Probably three. But that hasn’t been officially confirmed.”
“Bi-sexual.” He rolls the word around in his mouth like he’s tasting it. “Bisexual. Huh. Okay.”
“It means you like both. Or, any, I guess. Which no, is not normal for everyone.”
“Okay. Bisexual. Neat. Who else do you know?”
She raises an eyebrow at him.
“Right. That would be super uncool of you to tell me without their permission. But, um. Are they people I know?”
“They’re people you know.”
“Are they over the age of 16?”
“One of them is.”
The hopeful look on Steve’s face is actually a little gross.
“Are they–”
“Eddie!” Robin says, “hey, what are you doing here so early?”
Steve’s reaction to Eddie pushing open the door provides all the confirmation she needs about which boy Steve currently wants to kiss. Not that there was a lot of uncertainty there anyway. He’d practically kept vigil at Eddie’s bedside while he was in the hospital and in the last month since Eddie was released, they’ve become weirdly inseparable. Half the time when Robin calls in the middle of the night to talk though her nightmares, it’s Eddie answering the Harrington phone. And when no one answers the Harrington phone, a call to the Munson phone will usually do the trick. She’s tempted to think they’re already together except Eddie’s pining has only gotten worse over the last week. If they were banging he’s be less insufferable. Well. He might still be insufferable but in like, a happy, well-fucked way. She doesn’t want to think about that.
“Eddie,” Steve says, “hi.”
“...hi,” Eddie says, understandably confused by Steve’s strangled greeting. He rocks back and forth on his heels, hands shoved in the pockets of a pair of black jeans that are, for once, not ripped. “So. Big news.” He spreads his arms. “You are now looking at a gainfully, legally, employed, upstanding citizen of Hawkins.”
Robin isn’t really surprised. The owner of the auto shop across the street that Eddie applied to is friends with Wayne and a regular at Hideout. If there’s anyone who’s willing to look past Eddie’s poor reputation, it’s him. And Eddie had gotten some sort of automotive certificate the year before in shop class. One of the few things he’d passed with flying colors.
“Oh my god,” Steve says. He stumbles over to hug him and then twirls him around like they’re in one of the stupid romcom videos on the back wall. “Eddie,” Steve says again, this time so overwhelmingly full of tenderness that Robin feels like she’s intruding despite the fact that she’s, you know, standing behind the counter of her own place of work.
“Congratuations,” Steve continues. He’s set Eddie down again but they’re still so close, arms tangled together, that he’s practically speaking the words into Eddie’s mouth. “When do you start?”
Eddie doesn’t answer. Eddie seems to have misplaced his self-awareness because he’s swaying forward, through the scant space left between them, and oh my God, Robin is going to have to do something or they’re definitely going to have their first kiss in the Family Video with her watching.
Robin slams the clamshell case on the Aristocats return she’d just rewound. They jump apart, looking dazed. Steve runs a hand through his hair. Eddie plays with his rings. Even though they’re no longer touching, they’re still looking at each other with the kind of naked affection that could get them in trouble if they’re not careful. Well. More trouble.
“Eddie, that’s awesome,” Robin says brightly. “When do you start?”
“Oh. Monday, actually.”
“That’s great. You and Steve should celebrate tonight.”
“We…should.” Eddie agrees.
“I have plans. Important plans. That I can’t miss. But Steve was just telling me that he wanted to watch Rocky Horror again, right Steve?”
“I–yes?”
“And you like Rocky Horror, right Eddie?”
Eddie narrows his eyes at her. “I do.”
“Great.”
She gives Steve a significant look.
“I’ll come to your place with the movie once I’m off?” Steve suggests to Eddie.
Eddie nods slowly. “Yes. Cool. Cool cool cool. I’ll get pizza. And see you then.” He salutes for some ungodly reason but Steve salutes him back like that’s a normal thing to do and they grin at each other as Eddie walks backward toward the door.
Idiots.
God, she loves them so much.
Steve waits until the van has pulled out of the parking lot to resume his face-down position on the counter.
She goes back to rewinding tapes.
She waits.
“Did we almost just kiss?” he asks finally. “In the Family Video.”
“Sure looked like it,” Robin says. “Which is not advisable. I feel like I shouldn’t have to tell you that.”
“Yeah, obviously, but that means…if I try to kiss him tonight he’d probably go for it, right?”
“Only one way to find out,” Robin sighs.
Except she already knows that tomorrow morning Steve Harrington will have kissed four boys and she still has yet to kiss a single girl.
Unbelievable.
Steve sits up with sudden purpose. “I am. I’m going to kiss him tonight.”
“Great. Super happy for you. Can you help me rewind some tapes until then?”
Already working on PT. 2 which is Wayne’s POV when he accidentally intrudes on their celebration that night. So. Stay tuned for that.
Pt. 2 is Here.
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Ok so I have a real question not trying to start discourse or any thing. If Dean knew how he felt about Cas slash knew he liked men why was he always so weird about gay people. I can see a reading where Dean knew how he felt about Cas but not one where he knew he was bi
this is totally a fair question and i don't think there's any one True reading or interpretation of the show/characters so it really just depends on what version of events resonates the most with you. the way the picture makes the most sense to me is that dean is a guy who was raised in the 80s-90s in a hyper-masculine environment with zero stability. i think all of those puzzle pieces slotted into place in his brain in a way that said "sex with men is okay, feelings are not." a furtive hookup with a dude in a seedy bar bathroom is fine. going on a date with a guy is prohibited.
and the thing is that this is kind of true for dean when it comes to women as well. a one night stand is a-okay. falling in love and settling down is not. so, you take that sort of mentality and then apply all the homophobia of growing up in the eighties and the nineties and a life lived out of a car bouncing between truck stops and, well, you get a dean who is absolutely flabbergasted when confronted with the fact that not only are you allowed to want something romantic with a man, you're allowed to say it out loud to other people. you're allowed to have it.
dean wasn't weird about gay people, necessarily. he was weird about people who were able to just be themselves. he didn't know that was an option. also, i don't know about y'all but as a queer person who doesn't necessarily read as queer at a glance, i too get Very Awkward when confronted with another queer person in the wild and it's not because i'm homophobic. it's because oh! new friend! must send telepathic signals that me queer too! my behavior around other queer people in queer spaces does not match my behavior around other queer people in random public spaces. i'm embarrassing and i see that part of myself in dean lol.
and dean being weird about other people making comments about his perceived queerness, to me, is a very normal reaction for a closeted person (or even someone who is selectively and/or quietly out). you can be perfectly at peace with who you are and still not want to be clocked. like???? homophobia is not a thing of the past. dean grew up during the AIDS crisis. he was, what? nineteen years old when matthew sheppard was killed? his reactions to people insinuating he might be anything even close to queer make perfect sense for someone his age, living the life that he did.
also, like, here's the thing: i realized i was queer when i was about eleven and i freaked out about it for about a day and then promptly suppressed the whole thing because of a deeply traumatizing childhood. being queer was the least of my worries and there was never any time to unpack it and deal with it so i just didn't. and then when i was about nineteen i started to have queer sexual/romantic relationships but continued to suppress the fact that EYE was in fact queer because, again, i didn't really have the space to unpack it. it wasn't until i was about twenty-three and surrounded by other queer people (in a platonic way) that i finally felt safe to fully admit to myself and to other people that i was in fact queer. and then i never really did a whole coming out thing. i just... lived my life openly as a queer person and let other people figure it out.
my point in all this is that i feel like my general experience/trajectory lines up really well with how i view dean's. he had a very traumatic upbringing so while he knew he was attracted to men, he had no time or space to deal with it. that didn't stop him from having sex with men, but he never really unpacked what it actually meant. it wasn't until he was older and had openly queer friends that he felt safe enough to fully acknowledge that part of himself. and then.. that was it. he just lived his life as a queer man. like, i feel like we actually watched that happen over the course of the show???
most importantly, i cannot handle any reading where everyone else knows dean is queer but dean does not know himself. i especially loathe the idea that sam Knows and has to explain dean's own sexuality to himself. that is so ugly. dean is a very self-aware person. you could even argue he is perhaps too self-aware at times.
anyway, this is all obviously just a watsonian explanation of dean's relationship to his queerness. it doesn't even touch on the doylist stuff but that's a whole can of worms i'm not really interested in opening on tumblr dot edu right now.
so, yeah. that's my personal reading.
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Remember that one Tumblr thread where one person writes a huge rant about how much they hate Olaf the Snowman that gets progressively more insane and as if wasn't cursed enough someone responded with "I'd have less problem with this post if Olaf wasn't queer-coded"? Imagine this exchange but it's Ciaran writing ungodly long hateful rant about Smough an Gwyndolin's only reaction is "I'd have less problem with this post if Smough wasn't queer etc" idk
Ciaran: God I fucking hate Smough the Executioner so fucking much holy shit. Holy shit, every room he's in, every painting, every hallway, every execution ceremony, he's got this painfully vacant, stupid as shit, fuckass look on his stupid tiny face. Absolutely no part of his ugly as sin piece of shit armor design is endearing. His stupid fucking hammer? Who the hell uses a hammer for executions. His dumb flaily fucking disproportionate arms? His shitty, tiny bastard head? The three thousand percent unnecessary dumbass shitass fucking FAKE ARMOR BREASTS that no knight has EVER FUCKING HAD IN tHE HISTORY OF GWYN'S GREEN FUCKING EARTH? God, I hate him. I hate him so much. So FUCKING much. Every time I see a marble-carved statue Smough or a Smough painting or a shitty goddamn stained-glass portrait, it ignites my primal rage response and I'm overcome by the need to punt this shitty little homunculus into the fucking sun. "Bhurr blur, I'm Smough the fuckshit executioner fucker, I like eating people’s bones". Fuck you. Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you. You look like the Covetous Demon summoned a patronus. Your dumb fucking double-faced armor makes your whole shitty head look like a bulging skin tag. I hate your dumb fucking muffled perv laugh and your stupid, empty googly eyes and your over-the-top goofy ass jealous brown-nosing cannibal personality. Any time he's sad it invokes all the wrath and fury of a spoiled child having a meltdown over an Estus bar in a H*llowmart checkout line. And I know its irrational. That's the worst part. I know he's just a shitty fucking executioner in a stupid fucking different part of the castle, I know it doesn't matter, I know I shouldn't care. But that's part of the problem. The part where no matter the might and fury of my hatred, the locus of my homicidal intent is alltogether inconsequential. I find myself laying awake in the dark in the early hours of the morning consumed by the spirit of Chaos itself, all the force and might of a flaming hurricane directed at a bottle of piss in a ditch by the roadway. The absurdity of it all burns me to my core. What better things could this energy be directed towards? And yet my disdain for this stupid, useless, insubstantial failure of endearing armor design utterly eclipses the intrigue of all other pursuits. I hate him. I hate him on a level of my mind reserved for the worst of the world's array of sinners, and I can't even begin to justify it. Shitstick the Smough dick is, for all intents and purposes, the animated corpse of all of humanity's saccharine pretenses- every condescending, passive-aggressive statement of meaningless upper middle class Lordranian drama distilled into a single, hateable form. The fucking. Fuck. I have no words. There is no curse or epithet in any language that can encapsulate the height of the emotions I am experiencing. God, I hate him so much. I hate him so, so fucking much. I want to light his ugly little dumpster body on fire. I want to graphically beat him to death with his own stupid fucking hammer. I want to punch him to death. You know that weird feeling you get, when you see a picture of something so cute you find yourself overcome with the bizarre, inexplicable urge to squeeze it? It's EXACTLY like that, except instead of cuteness it's disgust. The wordless knowledge that his existence as a king’s executioner is evidence of all the failures of godkind. I find myself possessed by the will of a Holy Lord’s Blade gone rogue with the belief that Gwyn has made a mistake, and I alone must correct it. This is the trial by which Seath himself fell from grace. This wild, meaningless rage. A thousand blades of shining steel cast with inhuman force in the direction of a burlap travel sack floating on a breeze. What horrors must I have committed in a past life to be plagued by this torment now? I must Unmake this fake ass executioner.
Ornstein: holy shit you’re not wrong
Gwyndolin: I'd feel better about this whole rant if Smough weren't possibly queer. It might be largely the voice – the laugh, the inflection especially – but he's got massive "Ornstein’s gay sidekick" vibes. And if you're actively critiquing that? Sure, great, go all out. Hate whom you will. Say whatever you want about how "gay" is equated with "Ornstein’s silly sidekick used for hammer comedy, with no serious bearing on anything, literally human and treated by Serious God Co-workers as... well,a sidekick, peripheral to your life and safe to ignore.
But if you're not engaging critically with that aspect of Smough and are just overwhelmed with hatred whenever you see or hear or think about the possibly queer executioner and his mannerisms make you feel violent, that is a little bit. Uncomfortable. At best.
Ciaran: what on Gwyn’s green earth are you talking about
Artorias: See sometimes I wonder why I still haven’t left to battle the Abyss yet, and then conversations like this come along. Amazing.
Gough:
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Original Post
#DRSTFYAGHU#YOU BROUGHT THIS UPON YOURSELF#I WILL TAKE ANY CHANCE TO MAKE DS BLORBO HELLPOSTS LOLL#smough the executioner#lord’s blade ciaran#knight artorias#dragonslayer ornstein#hawkeye gough#dark sun gwyndolin#dark souls#silly post#asks#mutuals
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In honour of PSC’s interview, here’s the Captain and Havers dancing:
Momentarily, the Captain unplugged his headset and turned the machine’s output to its speakers, lowering its volume to a comfortable level. “It’s variety hour on the Forces Programme, so we’ll have to settle with the BBC Home Service, I’m afraid,” he said, mostly to himself, as the mature timbre from a woman’s voice crackled through the speakers, accompanied by a few wind instruments fluttering with notes at the high end of their range. He shook his head as he heard the recording mellowed out into a presenter. “They always play the most melancholic of tunes at night, do they not think some classical gusto or perhaps uplifting melodies would be more appropriate?”
“I think people want to listen to a song that reflects how they are feeling. And did you dishonour both Frances Langford and Falling in Love With Love in front of me?” Havers shook his head disapprovingly. He guessed that they could turn off their professional idiosyncrasies at this point, and he was glad to be rid of it.
The Captain suppressed a grin at his Lieutenant’s charming yet biting comment. “I suppose I did. But I did not realise you held any strong opinions about music.”
“I did not realise you held so few. Though, I should not be at all surprised,” Havers returned the shot, leaning against the back of the chair.
When he tilted back his neck, stretching and sprawling his legs out under the desk, the Captain glanced over the lengths of soft, exposed skin.
Remembering he should be offended by essentially being called uncultured, the Captain cleared his throat to shake off his flustering state. He unknowingly squinted at Havers in the same manner as when he was exposed to something queer. “Now, whatever do you mean by that?”
“I’ve never seen you dance or enjoy music: you never put on records of your own volition and whenever you turn on the BBC you prefer their breaking news, bulletins, and updates from the front. Would it hurt you to switch your brain off and enjoy a bit of this?” the Lieutenant gestured vaguely to the new song coming through on the airwaves.
“I-I enjoy the works of Vera Lynn; she’s got a wonderful voice. And the talents of Glenn Miller and his orchestra,” the Captain replied without considering an actual thought-out rebuttal.
Immediately, he recoiled; his first thought was that Havers would spiel judging words for his overtly formal talk and by virtue of holding such an inoffensive opinion - that was the reaction he had known to expect from anyone else. When he managed to look at Havers, he was met by a nonchalant expression and a raised eyebrow that prompted him to go on.
“To tell you the truth, Havers, I don’t think I have danced in my entire adulthood.”
“Would you like to?”
It was the lack of ceremony that caught the Captain off-guard by the proposition. If the past month had all been a dream, nothing marked the end of it quite as much as a dance. But reality demanded he react instead of replay the moment.
He stumbled to reply, unfortunately having the effect of being uninterested; he’d had all kinds of thoughts about the Lieutenant in their time together, but not one was ‘uninterested’.
Havers hung his head, lightly laughing away his suggestion. “I apologise. You don’t want to dance with a man.”
“No! No- I-” the Captain struggled to string a sentence together in his head, let alone verbalise anything. Thinking quickly, he got to his feet and extended his arm down with his palm upturned. He knew he didn’t look the picture of a dancer, or that he was particularly handsome enough to ask to dance, but he wanted to try in the safe presence and direction of Havers. “They’re playing Moonlight Serenade… it’s my favourite.”
Havers considered the outstretched hand, only briefly, before slipping their fingers together as he joined his CO on the makeshift dance floor. The Captain stood close, his eyes capering over the man holding his hand as if he hadn’t long-admired the Lieutenant’s almond eyes and heart-shaped jaw and, well, his quite strapping arms. He coveted the features of his second-in-command every day, never bored of beholding them: the pointy tips of his ears, the brown stubble that lightly scrabbled beneath his skin, and the sculpture of his lips.
Something - or things - had changed within the Captain, gradually. Then the other night, in the shed with his Lieutenant, marvelling at their limpet mine, revelations had rained down all at once like comets falling across the sky above. He could no longer ignore the younger man standing before him, already providing serendipitous companionship and neat ends to his beginnings. He’d come to accept what he felt was more than a mere fondness for Havers; he wanted his heart to decide on his idolatrous fate, though his head wanted to know if Havers was receptive to more. Above all new revelations, it was that ‘if’ which hurt most to think about.
Briefly recalling Officer Jones’ enigmatic words on New Year’s Eve, and luckily not those of his father, he conceived that he was hurting himself. He could fend off his family’s expectations from beyond their graves for now. They had served their purpose, they meant well, but his new life at Button House had demanded he had to change. Perhaps too quickly. There was no time to unpack all that; there was a War on, after all.
They had a restrictive space to move in, shutting down the opportunity to practise dancing in any traditional styles, so Havers led them to the centre of the floor’s open square feet and decided the song deserved a slow-pacing movement. He instructed the Captain to place his free hand on his waist, where his uniform belt sat, while he held the Captain’s shoulder.
“It’s in four-four time, so start by stepping outside foot outside, inside foot outside, repeat, together, then change direction,” Havers demonstrated in small steps.
Eye to eye, it was initially much harder for the Captain to concentrate on how to move, enamoured by Havers’ easygoing guidance. In spite of this, he copied the instructions, mirroring his movements. The Lieutenant drifted between stages of the dance self-assuredly, ignoring every mistake and continuing on. Fairly soon, the Captain got used to the rhythm and lost in the song, though his heart stuttered where words would fail should he have had to speak. The proximity was dizzying.
Havers was soon happy enough to introduce another part to his lesson.
“Like a circle, then together, apart,” he reassured as they turned around in the office together.
It was a little clumsy at first, with almost every step nearly causing a twisted ankle, until the Captain had steadied his arms and strides. The song didn’t demand more creative actions so they switched between the two gaits. The Captain nervously laughed once they had successfully changed direction, but he kept his head up like he was told. Havers always carried himself with governing conviction which continued into the dance; the Captain enjoyed being subordinate for once.
The orchestral Serenade ended with a melodic coda of wind instruments which they matched with smooth, gliding pivots.
As the song faded into another instrumental piece, this one somehow slower, they didn’t let go of each other. They kept watch of the other man, looking for the slightest hint that they should call it off and step back, but that never came.
“Hold me closer,” Havers directed soothingly, “the song… it’ll suit it better.”
The Captain moved his hand, almost paralysed from being held so still on Havers’ waist, around the man’s back until it could nearly cup the other side of his torso. There, he let it relax, and slowly his body melted from its previous rigidity. Their hips were almost pinned together, in fact when they started moving it was hard to keep any distance between their bodies.
Havers was nearly in raptures when he felt the Captain take on the leading role. When they pulled in their still-interlocked hands close to their chests, the rest of the room dissolved away into a shallow blur.
“Are there any more moves for this sort of song?” the Captain asked, trying to cover his drying throat and scratching vocal chords.
“Not exactly. By this point, couples would rest their heads together, maybe the woman would place her head on the man’s chest or shoulder. It’s meant to be a sensual moment. Some songs, like this one, are meant to be heard by only two people at once. Together.”
As Havers’ friend, the shared intimate space was sacred and Orphean. In uniform - as the Lieutenant’s CO - he suddenly felt disturbed. Thoughts intruded on his serene moment, biting at his contentment with guilt-ridden rhetoric. It was in his own voice, his father’s voice, every superior’s voice, that these thoughts flooded his working memory.
How could you be so selfish? How could you betray your rank? Your country? Your sensibilities? How dare you abandon hierarchy and the War and proper priorities? How could you allow your mind to be corrupted? Are you that weak?
Again, the friction in his mind overwhelmed him easily. “Sorry, I think the tiredness has hit me all at once,” the Captain said as he broke off their embrace.
But Havers kept him close, holding the Captain by his waist then quickly moving his hands to a more appropriate grasp on his biceps. He held the Captain’s gaze, unwavering. “Something has been troubling you for a while now.”
(They need to have many difficult conversations; but locked in the arms of the other it is a bit easier)
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had a similar feeling about that photoshoot. i can understand how it is attractive, and i am certainly not about to moralise what one finds appealing. still, upon first sight i did think 1. hmm, this seems to hinge upon stewart being a thin woman, and 2. i do not like that when a queer woman becomes popular enough she begins to be photographed in more misogynistic settings, i.e. the fuckboy, woman pictured only on her back as a body to have sex with, etc? these are neutral if weary observations that i am only sharing as you have mentioned it, but again: i do not want to do the tumblr finding-of-problematics to make some one guilty about enjoying a photoshoot.
Yeah, for me it's like...I don't want to make this deeper than it is. I'm fully aware that, as a feminine queer woman who's more into other feminine women, no part of this is For Me. And that's perfectly fine! It doesn't have to be! I am one of 7 billion people in the world; expecting everything to be What I Like would be selfish and absurd. God knows, in my own beloved Murder Incest MovieTM fandom, I get annoyed enough with people not knowing the difference between "this is not my thing" and "this is morally terrible and if you like it you're a monster who should be pelted with bricks." I am NOT, EVER saying that about the KStew gym photoshoot.
Rather say that, I suppose, parts of it don't sit right with me? Her body type doesn't bother me so much as I was acknowledging that only certain types of women get to have their masculinity seen as desirable in any context, but the shot where she's looming above a faceless, splay-legged feminine woman (while presented like a stereotypical gym bro But Female) did leave a bad taste in my mouth. If that would be cringed at in a photoshoot with a male actor, why is it suddenly super-hot when a female actor does it? Not in the context of individuals' personal fantasies in which they're a consenting participant- good luck policing that; I'm not here to -but in the public eye. There's not necessarily a right answer; it's more a conversation worth having, IMO.
My reaction still isn't moral outrage, any more than yours is. More a mixture of "oh wow this thing that a lot of other sapphists find sexy is WILDLY unattractive to me; I will vent about that on my private blog" and "some aspects of this seem mildly distasteful to me."
I am extremely not saying "this photoshoot is Problematique and the actress and anyone who like it should be Cancelled; all public images of sexuality must be 100% morally correct." Do not willfully misinterpret my meaning, readers.
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Contractual Obligation
The plan went perfectly, is the thing. TMZ got the scoop, Tiktok had hundreds of reaction videos in the first few hours. They were trending on Twitter. Which was good. Steve would get his pay day, Eddie would get past the rumors and back to the good press, back to the path towards platinum records. According to the plan, Eddie would even have new ideas and inspiration for his next album.
It was only five months. Long enough for the gossips to pick it up, long enough to be a big deal, not long enough that anyone would expect Eddie to be too broken up about it.
Steve torched all his social media accounts a few hours after TMZ posted the story. He had to. The handful of messages and notifications he saw while deleting it all made his stomach flip. Once it calmed down a bit, he might make anonymous accounts again, if only so he could follow the kids and see the weird pictures of Robin's travels. Not with his own face though. Part of the agreement. Steve Harrington wasn't going to exist online as himself for a minimum of three years. That would keep anyone noticing that he got paid. It would also keep Steve from being torn apart by Eddie's fans.
It wasn't like he had to worry about money for a while. That was why he signed the contract with the PR firm. They needed to erase the memory of his slut era - capped off with photos of Eddie in a decadent orgy - show that Eddie Munson was capable of a committed relationship, and then get him single again. His sales were better when he was single, and being seen on celebrity dates was great for PR. They needed someone to play a part to make the change.
Steve's dad hadn't cut him off or thrown him out for being queer, or for how he got GNC when the mood struck. No, Richard Harrington was a proud liberal supporter, and didn't give a damn about any of that. But Steve flunked out of his degree in business at Richard's alma mater, and that was unforgivable.
So he was working days at an amazon warehouse, and overnight at a 24 hour diner in Chicago, because he needed money to keep his crappy studio. The PR team found him at the diner. Steve accepted the job and the contract without knowing who the hell Eddie Munson was. It was that much money. Steve really should have thought through the final phase of the contract before he signed. But it was almost a quarter million dollars for just under five months of work. "Work". Five months of dating a guy who permanently altered Steve's brain chemistry with his first smile.
Steve knew this was his fault. How he felt was his own fault. He wanted the money so he took the job, and he agreed to the terms. He went in with open eyes. Eddie didn't know Steve wasn't a genuine relationship. A real moment of serendipity that put them in the same place. Didn't know there was an end date inked and signed before they ever met. Steve agreed to this stupid fucking job because his parents cut him off and he wasn't used to having to budget for food and use coupons and hunt for deals to get phone service.
He may have flunked out in his junior year, but he was a business major. Steve read the contract and knew there was no getting around the financial penalty if he broke the terms. Seven fold repayment. How biblical of them.
He wasn't stupid. Eddie had the cash to cover the contract breach. And the inevitable court case over it. But Steve was stupid, and when he signed, he'd thought it wouldn't matter to either of them. Then Steve realized it mattered to him, but thought Eddie would be fine. He was a rockstar. Surrounded by friends. Endlessly laughing and happy. Eddie would get over Steve quick. It was just a couple months with some broke college drop out.
Then he saw Eddie's face three days ago when the rockstar found his boyfriend in bed with two models.
So yeah, Eddie had the cash, and maybe if Steve had told him from the start, he would have spent it, but now? Eddie didn't have a poker face. He walked into the scene set up by the PR team - Steve in bed with two peppy blonde models after standing Eddie up on a date - and Steve knew there was no way Eddie would cover anything. The truth could have helped early. Now that it was done? Telling Eddie the truth would only hurt him more.
All the stories were on Eddie's side. The firm made sure of that. Photos were already being 'found' by the gossip sites. Steve had been 'cheating' for weeks. Really had fucked both women that night to satisfy contractual obligation and to make sure Steve knew there was no fixing it. Steve had his fifteen minutes of fame, and the thing he'd be known for forever, was the guy who cheated on Eddie Munson.
His phone pinged with a message from one of the only two numbers saved to it. The way his chest soared and sank in the moment before his brain caught up was awful. Hope and fear, neither of which made sense.
Steve had deleted all of his socials. The PR firm had taken his old phone and disconnected the number. Now he had a brand new samsung, with one contact for the PR agent, and one for Robin. One was a threat, the other was a lifeline.
Robin's message was a calendar with her locations for the next month, and a link to AirFrance. It was a good idea. She was absolutely furious with him, and had been since he told her about the contract a month ago. She was still his best friend. Eddie was famous, but mostly an American celebrity. Steve could be a no one easier in Europe.
His phone, the one he handed over, had hundreds of contacts and thousands of messages and conversations across apps. Hundreds of photos of him and Eddie. Messages and voicemails and stupid jokes and memes.
This one had the default background, the default apps, and a single conversation in the messages. Robin was going to scream at him when she saw him, but she'd give him a hug first.
That was a better choice than sitting in the dark in his new apartment, which was too big, and too nice for crappy stuff they'd moved from his studio. He tapped the link she sent, and started looking for the first available flight.
#steve harrington angst#steddie angst#my writing#as ever guys#I did not write this with any intent#just responding to a fic that ended happily#and my brain going 'ok but what if'#this idea is agony to me#that Steve completed the contract like he was supposed to#it is technically a success#this was the expected outcome#and it hurts like hell
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Dan and Phil Appreciation Week Part 2: Electric Boogaloo
aka i forgot to participate in DNPAW again but also now my arm is fucked up so im just gonna type my responses instead of drawing them YAYYY shout out as always to @dpgdaily for creating this lil week event :3
Day 1: Favourite baking video
honestly probably slime and sadness cinnamon rolls, but monster pops has such a special place in my heart for being the sorta the tipping point of dnp's descent into truly unfiltered horniness, conjoined baking and pumpkin carving if that counts are also great (i just like halloween lmao)
Day 2: Favourite DanAndPhilCRAFTS video
EASILY slime. like cmon it blew every other dapc out of the water, while at the same time fully connecting them all so it's like you HAVE to watch them all together to grasp at the final picture presented. god im obsessed with it come join the crafts theory server
Day 3: Favourite What Dan and Phil Text Each Other
wdapteo 2 forever, but 4 is super super close. yon? pote. sent at 4:32 am! WHAT IS WRONG WITH US??
Day 4: Favourite Day in the Life
oof probably ditl manchester... the vibes are so so special... australia is really good too very comfy!!! (im actually a tiny bit of a ditl hater lmao mainly just the parts that are strong on the weeb / weird about asian stuff energy but like the vibes are still nice fhdhdh)
Day 5: favourite Phil is not on fire
pinof 9!!!! its special to me as the first one i watched while being like. In The Phandom, at least somewhat. and also it being dnp's fav really made me realize why i liked it so much like i KNEW it wasnt just cuz it was my first as a Full On Phannie, it had an energy to it that was so authentically chaotic and fun and just goofing off with each other and giggling like moreso than the previous like 5 pinofs, it had pinof 1 energy but with 8 more years worth of love in it
Day 6: Favourite Dan vs Phil
prob the first golf with friends LOL i love the shitty grass turf hats, i love the stupid golf bants and the creepy golf ball print they used for the board, dan's curls were in peak form, phil's bluey green shirt made his eyes even bluer, phil squishy dan's face >w<~~~~~
Day 7: Your overall favourite Dan and Phil Series
HMMMM. undertale is my go-to when im particularly sad, the sims s1 is always good to put on in the background, but i think dapwepinof... the pinof reaction mini-series they did in gamingmas is prob my top fav right now. it's everything i love, it's nostalgic, it has some behind the scenes reveals, openly gay dan and phil reacting to closet dan and phil being extremely gay, and REFLECTION!!!! and like, the fact that in the silliest lil annual video series in the world there ended up being a lot of thought and care put into it in wanting to keep it as a sacred tradition for ten whole years, it went from whimsical by nature to whimsical with Purpose and finally whimsical with Love and that means so much to me, as a proponent of queer joy above all else.
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Asexual Gero Masterpost
Okay so hear me out. I love this series and all of the wacky moments and fun characters within it. And the story of someone trying to find a partner even though they struggle is so, so, so good. And just like many fans, I’m super curious to see how the story will develop, and who Gero will end up with (if anyone).
But there’s a big point that I’m not sure even the authors are aware of: Gero is Asexual.
–Evidence below–
The base definition of Asexuality is when a person experiences little to no sexual attraction. This means that even if a person has libido, fantasies, and positive views on intimate relationships, their natural orientation is little to no sexual attraction to any gender. They may be capable of finding people romantically attractive, and may even desire partnership, however, the mechanisms for finding other people “hot” and experiencing desire for them based off of looks and sexual signals simply aren't there. However, due to how strongly society pushes the idea of instant attraction, and the heteronormative world we all live in, this can be extremely difficult to recognize within oneself. Many asexuals say they didn’t realize their orientation for many years because it wasn’t even known as a possible option.
In line with this, here are many common Asexual traits and experiences that can be seen with Gero:
>>comfort with singleness
In the very first chapter, during a conversation with Bug User, Gero states that he’s not really interested in marriage or partnerships. Despite everyone around him naturally pursuing intimacy (his sister with her girlfriend, Bug User with his fiancee), Gero just…doesn’t. His natural conception of self is to be single. He even states that this is a comfortable thought for him, being ‘easier’. It’s possible the manga seems to imply that we should view this as ‘giving up’, but Gero doesn’t seem otherwise depressed or discouraged in his daily life aside from his job. The idea of being unpartnered isn’t one that feels ‘unfulfilling’ for him. It’s only when Gero is given no choice that he makes the decision to actively seek out a partner.
Of course there are many asexuals who do want romantic relationships, and strongly desire companionship, which is why...
>>basing relationships more on emotional bond and other factors than physical attraction
This emotional outburst is heartbreaking. It’s also very similar to how asexual people tend to talk.
All of these things, all of these ‘desires’ from Gero, all of what he values… are emotional. Not physical. There’s no depiction of sensual actions, not even hugging or kissing. Hell, they’re not even touching in bed! Gero’s face in the imagined scene looks confused, surprised that he’s even there to begin with, rather than the happiness of someone who’s next to their object of desire.
His natural ‘fantasy’ (if you could call it that) has some random woman essentially act as a placeholder. She doesn’t even have eyes! This is consistent with the fact that many aspec people report finding it difficult to fantasize about people, and if they do, it may occur as vague nebulous scenes, disembodied body parts, or faceless people. A ‘faceless stand-in’ is exactly what Gero is picturing here.
Everything Gero talks about could be provided by a close friend or queer-platonic-partner, not explicitly romantic or sexual in nature. He just wants companionship. He wants someone to care about him. And his way of picturing that doesn’t involve sexual or sensual affection as a base.
>>turning down opportunities
Here we see Gero literally pushing women off of him. Even when someone is offering sex, it appears to have no interest or temptation. There’s no blush on his cheeks. No sense of ‘that’s appealing but not right now’. Instead, his reaction is a brusque and clear refusal. He’s portrayed as somewhat flustered, and is even so upset that after this he immediately walks right into a glass wall. A professional hitman, not noticing a pane of glass? It must have really thrown him off.
Now, this refusal could be due to awkwardness, or a commitment to professionalism while on the job. Or, it could be that Gero is just truly not interested. And his flustered reaction comes from being forced into close proximity with something that deep down really isn’t comfortable for him.
>>not experiencing sexual attraction
This is the big one! Let’s review that one accidental-grab moment:
I CANNOT GET OVER THIS PANEL
IT LITERALLY SAYS “RELUCTANT”
HIT EM WITH THAT AGAIN GERO
RELUCTANT
ACCIDENT
NO BIG DEAL
Are those the words of a man who secretly wants to be physical with women?
The world instructs men to brag about and exaggerate their sexual interactions with women. Why? For the sake of ‘cool’ points: to be seen as popular, desirable, masculine. And yet, when Gero touches a woman here, instead of getting an ego-boost, his immediate instinct is to *minimize what’s happening*. All of his thoughts are about how uncomfortable he is, and trying to escape the significance of the situation. Downplay (it’s just the back of my hand), distance (A total accident, no big deal). The word that stands out here is UNWILLING. There’s not any psychological reward in this. Only psychological stress.
And sure, you could make the argument that he’s just inexperienced and self-conscious, but still. This…isn’t the reaction of someone who ‘could’ enjoy it in another circumstance. This is the inner dialogue of a person who is hyper-aware of what the world would say about this situation, and about him, and is immediately turned off, nervous, self-conscious, and negative towards that idea.
This lack of reaction from Gero is further highlighted here:
Bro that’s not arousal, that’s awkwardness. He literally turns away a woman flirting and directs her towards another man instead. This isn’t inexperienced fumbling. This is feeling cornered and turning to panic. You don't exactly get any sense that Gero’s enjoying the pictures. Not even a passing comment like ‘nice’ or something.
For asexual people, there can be this weird ‘layered’ viewing of the world sometimes. You’re aware of what narratives the world has, how things work. You know what situations, phrases, and body parts tend to get strong reactions from people. You become hyper-aware of how you’re expected to act, and what actions you’re expected to enjoy, as a person of your assigned gender. Not to mention how certain actions around sex will raise or lower your status in the eyes of others.
And yet, when you realize more and more that your internal reactions are…not according to those pre-established lines….you can get really flustered and nervous. It’s not appreciation that Gero demonstrates here. This is pressure and embarrassment.
He follows the accidental-touch by asking Kinosaki what to do, because maybe he genuinely doesn’t have any internal desire about what to do next. So he defaults to someone with stronger instincts. Just as he ends up doing a second time with the swimsuit pics.
>>feeling like you’re ’broken’ or different from other people
Gero repeatedly seems to set himself aside from ‘normal people’. In his case, his excuse is that he’s ‘too damaged’, traumatized and manipulated since childhood to kill others and view the world through a rotten lens. And while that may be true (and questions about trauma or past experiences are sometimes relevant to asexuals in real life!), that’s hardly enough. Gero feels different, ‘seperate’ from others. “What makes you think I can”? I “could never do that”? There’s some kind of baseline rift that Gero feels; something related to him processing love and partnership differently than the norm. (And sure, within the series’ universe, this is done under the excuse of his hitman-upbringing. But did Gero “avoid love and women”, or was the draw never quite big enough to go after? )
(Side note: technically this has notes of being Aromantic, not Asexual. But in a society which pushes the narrative that both those attractions are the same thing, it’s easy to mistake lack of urge towards one with lack of interest in all. Or, like Gero, you may come to believe you aren’t good at relationships as a whole.)
>>not picking up on signals from others
Yup, Arashiyama was not shy about her feelings for Gero. And she was obviously designed to have looks that strike the audience as “sexy”. So it was a very interesting point of the series when neither her body nor her clothing were commented on in any way. Most notably, they didn’t seem to have any effect on Gero at all.
Look at that reaction panel: Truly he doesn’t care. We don’t see a ‘blushing but hold it down and ignore it’ reaction; he’s not drawn with any blush at all. Gero is not portrayed as holding anything back around Arashiyama. He just truly doesn't feel any reaction to her signals.
In addition, this:
OH THE GLASSES
OH ITS THE GLASSES YOU’RE MAD ABOUT
SO HE DID HAVE A POINT OF VIEW THAT INCLUDED ALL THIS
SO HE DID SEE THAT
BUT GERO DOESN’T REACT AT ALL
DOESN’T EVEN BRING IT UP
Honestly I don’t believe women and female bodies have any natural effect on Gero at all at this point, haha, he might be black stripe. That’s the thing about asexuals–we’re not stupid or unable to understand common flirting methods. They just doesn't usually trigger much of a reaction.
>>being confused or out of place in the world
As early as chapter 1, we watch Gero staring at Kinosaki while walking down the street, as they kiss and seduce another man.
One of the most common asexual experiences is a sense of wondering why people act the way they do. Why do people make such silly decisions? Why are they all so intense about sex? What is this hivemind they all share? Many asexuals report believing that people were “faking it” for most of their lives. Either they were broken, or the asexual person had to be.
This stare from Gero, enough to walk into a wall and break his glasses with the force of it, seems to me like that kind of asexual fascination. A kind of non-understanding, a kind of calculated curiosity about the world. What are they doing? I mean he knows what, but why? Why doesn’t he feel that way- (SMACK)
>>genuinely believing it’s not that important to people
In early chapters, Gero doesn’t seem to grant coupling the same sort of ‘weight’ that others do. He seems to have no instinctual discomfort with ‘missing out’ on common life markers. As shown here, he acknowledges and honors his sister’s relationship. But for himself, he views being single without children as an equally legitimate path in life. Even his younger sister picks up on the unspoken demand–that the family expects them to have children, once they reach marriageable age. But Gero just…doesn’t. Or doesn’t take the possibility seriously. He really seems to assume the world will just relax and accept him being unpartnered. His entire bloodline will die out. And that’s fine, right? After all, it's not like reproducing and seeking intimacy are deep-seated desires in most peoples’ basic instincts, right?
I mean come on. This is basically a common ace joke.
>>assuming you do feel attraction because XYZ
In the absence of strong attraction, it is very common to mistake other feelings in its place. For example, many asexuals spend years assuming they do have sexual feelings for people, when in actuality it was factors such as aesthetic attraction (admiring a person’s looks) or romantic attraction (feeling romantically drawn to a person) all along. People have also reported ‘overanalysis’ of their own reactions–this person is kind to me, and they look nice, and I care about them, so that means I’m madly attracted to them, right?
Here we see Gero fall into the same trap of overanalysis. He felt a rapid heartbeat, and some physical reaction, that must mean this is love, right? Throughout the entire series, Gero seems to be assuming he’s straight because, after all, he gets nervous around women.
Of course you get nervous, you’re new to social situations, bro. Of course you get nervous, she’s placing expectations on you and you desperately want to meet them. Of course you get nervous, this is a lot of emotion suddenly thrown at you. Of course you get nervous, you’ve been put under pressure to view all women as potential wife material. But is this good-arousal nervousness, or negative-stress-response nervousness? Signs point to the latter.
>>proximity to queerness
This is a more subtle point, but important nonetheless.
We know that Gero appears supportive of queerness in general. He has a sister who is wlw, and actively supports their relationship. Furthermore, he shows no hate towards Kinosaki for his gender and gender expression, after an initial adjustment period.
It is very common for ace-spec people to feel vaguely aligned with LGBT+ issues, even if they don’t feel like they have “enough” solid evidence to identify as queer themselves. Often ace people report assuming that they were simply a highly-invested supportive ally. It’s possible that Gero is in the same situation–comfortable with queerness, accepting of different ways of life, but because of marginal interest in women and needing to find a partner, he doesn’t recognize the ways in which he himself stands markedly outside the straight norm.
>>But most importantly this date:
DEMI???
DEMI???
MY BOY YOU ARE DEMI!!!
Demisexual. A subset of asexuality. A sexual orientation in which a person cannot feel sexual attraction to others unless a strong emotional bond is formed. Forming an emotional bond is not a guarantee of attraction developing, however, it is necessary for the person to even begin to feel sexual interest in the first place.
This is…I’m still stunned by this scene. Honestly this is the most direct example of a demisexual/demiromantic male character that I’ve ever witnessed, and it may not have even been intentional. I probably couldn’t write something this direct or skilled about it, and I’m close to demi myself!! It’s truly astounding. I remember reading this chapter the first time and my jaw dropped, totally stunned, in recognition. This is how I think. This is how my mind tends to naturally think about relationships. This is almost on-the-nose textbook demisexuality.
Gero you are demi!! Please realize!!
– – – – –
So yeah this is what I think. Given all the evidence at hand, and how consistently Gero has been portrayed so far, his actions and tendencies would match being on the asexual spectrum. If it were canon, that would be incredible–these moments alone would make him one of the most stunning examples of a male asexual character in manga, hell, in all of fiction today.
Given the strong similarities, I wonder if the author/artist are possibly aware of this. They do have queer characters in terms of Gero’s sister (and arguably Kinosaki). So there’s a chance they may have heard of asexuality or aromanticism as well. …But also the chances seem low. A mainstream shonen publication? How much more queer content can they push. A battle manga based around romance? Wouldn't help much to make your main character incapable of certain kinds of attraction. And yet…god I wish. The more time goes on and the more chapters stay within these bounds, I keep wondering if there could be a chance.
Anyway each chapter that we’ve seen so far has only reinforced and continued these traits, so. <3 Asexual Gero is canon to me now thanks y’all can jump onboard!
#marriagetoxin#hikaru gero#mei kinosaki#marriage toxin#asexuality#asexual#manga#kinosaki#anyway Gero is aspec and that’s that#even if he does develop feelings in future chapters…GUESS WHAT THAT’S GRAY-ACE OR DEMI LETS GOOO#i s2g if they’re actually pulling the ‘oh hes just traumatized and awkward’ card…nuh uh what bull#dont post this right before a new chapter in case it gets jossed I told myself#posts it the night before a new chp anyway#i have so many more thoughts and feelings about this so brace yourselves#he can be ace and still want a good marriage!#kinosaki professional seducer teaming up with gero professional asexual what will they do#mt manga creators plsss give us a miracle here#I would be forever grateful#my posts
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something I have noticed about shippers especially #one group of shippers it's that they don't seem to like the idea of jk actually being attracted to men. A lot of shippers frame jk's sexuality as him being a straight dude with an exception for their fav (tkkrs too) and u can see an extension of this by the way they choose to insult Tae too,I have seen them act "offended" on jk's behalf bc "how could you think that he could like Tae's refrigerator body" (ofc they word it a lot more meaninly) and the pictures the show it's just him being a hot dude lmao 😭 among a lot of other vile remarks about his body and of course there's nothing wrong with his body but it's clear to me this ppl have an idea of how a gay couple should look to be appealing to their fantasies and that jk must be a straight dude whose world happened to be put upside down by their "feminine prettier than girls" fav which btw I don't see jm as feminine at all btw it's just that he is short man 😭
And then I think about the many videos of jk being entranced by Tae's looks and particularly that one where they were filming the run's pool scene and his shirt sticks to his body when he is out of the water and u can clearly see that jk likes likes what he is seeing (made more obvious by jm's absolute normal friend reaction) and him being like "his back is bigger" completely entranced and yes, jk likes a man, jk likes men (and there are many different ways in which a man can look ofc and different ppl can be particularly attracted to a way or other or many) but jokers point is the opposite of that, the way they insult Tae is like they don't like the idea of jk being attracted to traits they deem as not feminine bc are usual on men like being (comparatively to women) bigger in height and body proportions etc and that's bc deep down and bc of their straight fantasies a couple should have marked differences. Anyways my point is that if you are going to believe that your fav is in a relationship with man you have to believe they like MEN and not act weird about what that means.
And this applies to both shippers bc i have seen tkkrs being weird about tk's bodies too
Goodness, I've never actively made that connection but now you say it, there is a definite tendency.
It's fetishization plain as day, I think. The Wattpad ideal of a gay couple being one macho guy and one cutesy femme guy, overemphasis on dominant/submissive stereotypes. I think every fandom I've ever been in has had a thing for it. I wish I knew the source of it! Why is it such a popular ship dynamic?
A lot of shippers frame jk's sexuality as him being a straight dude with an exception for their fav
This is really interesting too. Important to note that demisexuality is real, where the attraction develops after the emotional attachment, and that could encompass this idea that only one guy is attractive to him.
But it's not really about what JK does and doesn't find attractive. If he's attracted to various men, we have no idea, but as ever the real problem is the absolute shutting down of an idea. Discounting a whole "genre" of man just because they'd rather sit with their fantasy is problematic, reductive and wilfully ignorant of the breadth of queer attraction. And when the shutting down of an idea comes with a damaging limiting stereotype and a weird kind of body shaming, almost...? I'm side-eyeing. It's very "yes you can be gay as long as the gay that you are is the gay that I want you to be." Nah, accept all queerness, actually.
A note on attraction though: I think about especially the Run wet tee moment that you referenced and actually, when Tae is dancing and JK is shouting awww yeah from the table - it's always struck me as an attracted appreciative tone to his voice.
But also noticing Namjoon's thighs first? Cute story but actually... To be distracted by someone's thighs... 😂 And Namjoon is so masc.
(I'm not Namkook shipping 😂😂😂 but if I have any small silly conviction, it's that Jungkook did nurse a tiny little boyish crush on Namjoon: https://twitter.com/namkookloops/status/970380343885926408?t=FIQjZfeSUWaGDmMyu5zV3A&s=19)
Thanks! These thoughts were super thoughts! 💜
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poly!crows, flufftober day 8: rainy day (ao3)
When October comes to Ketterdam, she announces her presence with smoky grey skies and buckets upon buckets of rain. It’s quite an abrupt announcement too; one minute, Nina gets up and leaves her laptop to go make a cup of tea. Two minutes later, she returns with tea, a generous handful of biscuits and sleets of rain pelting the window. She doesn’t take her eyes off it as she sits back down. First comes disbelief, then comes Kaz’s voice in her head reminding her that she’s in Kerch now and the weather is about as reliable as anything else.
She remembers her partners are all out, and she sighs. Then she cheks the weather app and finds the rain is due to carry on all evening, and she sighs again, harder this time.
After firing a quick message to the group chat, she tries to return to her work emails, though they hold her attention even less than they did before. Her phone lights up, then fades, then lights again, coming alive as the Crows give their various reactions.
wolf boy (but not in a furry way): oh wow! thank djel I have the car :p
wolf boy (but not in a furry way): who changed my nickname again?
Llewellyn: couldn’t have been me!
Llewellyn: who still uses emoticons?
Matthias Helvar changed his nickname to Only Sane Man
wylan van fuck: matthias is never beating the furry allegations
wylan van fuck: but I do second the oh wow!
wylan van fuck: @ matthias since i’m ur favourite ur still picking me up from work right???
Only Sane Man: we don’t have favourites, wy. but yes I will still pick you up.
wylan van fuck: yay!
Llewellyn: gay
Only Sane Man: driving cars is gay now?
Wraith: so does that make jes straight?
Llewellyn: I’M BEING HATE CRIMED?
Llewellyn: BY MY PARTNER?
Llewellyn: IN THE QUEER POLY GROUP CHAT?
Llewellyn: WITH OUR OTHER PARTNERS?
wylan van fuck: how in the fuck did we get here?
Only Sane Man: put two kurge in the swear jar when we get home.
nina beana: well given the weather, mayhaps we use the swear jar money for pizza tonight??? to warm us up????
nina beana: wylan’s treat, apparently.
wylan van fuck: shit yea the weather
Only Sane Man: four kruge.
Llewellyn: I love pizza!
Llewellyn: especially when its paid by wylan’s swearing
Llewellyn: @ wylan, say more cuss words so we have more pizza money
wylan van fuck: *send a voice message* 2:30
Wraith: this would go so hard at an open mic night.
Nina snorts into her tea as she replays Wylan’s message. In her mind’s eye, she can see the others’ reactions, Jesper dancing to it, Inej laughing, Matthias’ silent mortification and prayers to Djel. She presses herself into the couch and carries on with her emails, the rain drumming steadily and relentlessly against the windows.
Twenty minutes later, her phone buzzes again, and this time she finds a picture of a completely drenched Kaz, looking at the camera and managing to be both supremely pissed off and completely unaffected.
kazzlus dazzlus: *sent a picture*
kazzlus dazzlus: its raining.
She spits her tea out at that.
Inej is the first one home, her workplace less than twenty minutes on the bus. Nina opens the door to find her sopping wet on the porch, white coat turned brown and her neatly-styled hair now frizzy and tatted and curling at the bottom. She practically yanks the girl in through the door.
“You okay, love?” Inej’s hands are like ice beneath hers, as is her cheek when she pulls her into an embrace.
“Other than the typhoon outside, I’m good,” she replies, gently returning Nina’s squeeze. She lets out a gasp then, immediately dropping her bag and pulling her sodden coat off her. As Nina shuts the door, Inej pulls the tie from her hair and shakes it out. “Remind me again why I don’t work from home?”
“Because-and I quote- you’d never get anything done with the rest of us running around.”
“Ah, that,” she says with a roll of her eyes. She plants a kiss on Nina’s cheek before darting to the stairs, her movements as nimble as if back on the high wire. “I’m hitting the shower. When are we doing pizza?”
“Not until the rest of them get home,” she replies. Inej nods and carries on two-at-a-time up the stairs. Nina lets her eyes linger on her small frame before turning back towards the living room, a wry grin curling at the corners of her lips.
“Save me a cookie?” Inej’s voice calls from upstairs. Nina chuckles warmly, blows a kiss towards the stairs, and the jar is moved from the cupboard to the coffee table.
Really, Inej didn’t have to ask.
The rest trickle in steadily over the next few hours. Jesper alerts them with a knock at the window, their eyes so wide they take up half their face. They all but barrel into Nina when she opens the door, other hand reaching out to grab the expectant Inej. At first they’re delighted, basking in their partners ever-persistent affection. And then the seconds turn into minutes, and realisation dawns on the pair of them with incredibly precision.
“You’re using our body heat aren’t you?” Inej asks.
“Yep!” The two rolls their eyes, exasperated and slightly shivering against Jesper’s cold hands, and it takes both of them to shove him off.
“Hot shower, “ Inej tells them with a poke to the chest. “And then maybe Nina will share her cookie stash.”
“Uh, they have to earn the cookie stash!”
Jesper comes down ten minutes later, clean, warm, grinning like a madman, and wraps Nina in a tight embrace that sweeps her off the ground. Apparently, it was enough for a cookie.
It’s around half an hour later when the blue blur of Matthias’ car appears at the window, obcusred by the heavy fog covering the glass. Minutes later, a flash of red hair that can only be Wylan emerges and sprints to the door, followed by Matthias rushing up the path. Jesper is at the door and opening it before Wylan can even get his key in the lock, wrapping the two of them in a tight hug that lasts until Nina appears at his shoulder and reminds him gently that cold air travels through open doors.
The smiles don’t fade though. Matthias pecks her cheek before half-jogging up the stairs, making a show of trying to beat Wylan to the shower but moving suspiciously slowly for a guy who runs marathons for fun. The three of them, Nina, Inej and Jesper, can hear Wylan’s laughter reverberate through the bathroom door, answered by a groan that sounds anything but frustrated. Nina grins, initially to herself, but like a flame it jumps to Inej and then to Jesper and they’re chuckling, softly, under their breaths.
Then Matthias is on the stairs, shaking his wet hair over them. Inej delicately steps aside and pulls Jesper into her spot, letting him take the full force of Matthias’s storm. Their reaction is suitably dramatic.
When Kaz finally turns his key in the lock, his coat is so soaked it’s basically a second skin and his dark hair clings to his face like seaweed against a rock. The edges of his coat drip, drip, drip along the floor as he makes his way down the hall, alerting them to his presence with the rap of his cane against the door and a raised eyebrow. The four of them (Matthias now in the shower) have crammed into their small kitchen; Inej and Wylan are sitting on the counter leaning over Nina’s shoulders, while Jesper is atop the table with his feet pushing one of their mismatched chairs outwards. The rumble of the dryer can be felt through the brick and the counter sways like the little boats that dock on the harbour in the summer.
“Brekker, settle a fight,” Nina asks. “We’re ordering pizza. We’re getting a veggie for Inej and Matthias and a plain one for Wy. Do we get a Hawaiian as a third?”
“If you do, that delivery guy will have to step over my corpse to get into this house,” he replies, gasping slightly as he pulls of his wet coat. He hangs it on the back of the door, the black tweet slipping in amongst the other coats of their house.
“Chicken and sweetcorn it is then,” Nina announces. Kaz runs a gloved hand through his hair before stopping beside Jesper, his arms folded over his chest. “Still bad out there?”
“No, Zenik, I just fancied a dip in the canal.” Inej throws Kaz a tea towel and he catches it expertly with one hand. “What sides are we getting?”
“Cheesy bread,” Nina replies. “And wedges. Anything else?”
“Springing for two sides?”
“The swear jar money covered it,” she replies. “Didn’t you listen to Wylan’s voice note?”
“No, on account of the fact I never open that chat unless I get to say something.” His voice is mumbled, half-hidden by the yellow towel over his face. It’s a lie, of course. Kaz Brekker can deny anything to anyone (and he has, many times) but screenshots don’t lie. And Nina’s phone is almost backed up with the amount that show ‘seen by Kaz’ beneath several of their messages. Not to mention the times she’s caught him half-smiling at his phone just seconds after someone put something in it, and all the things he’d only know if he checked it regularly. His ‘Dirtyhands knows all’ act can only go so far.
Still, she doesn’t say anything, and all of them let Kaz’s rickety wall stay where it is for now. In any case, his gloved hand is resting over Jesper’s on his shoulder as the five of them talked in hushed, soft tones about their work days and the storm and what movie to watch tonight.
“May I make a suggestion?” Jesper asks innocently.
“We’re not watching the Bee Movie again,” comes Inej’s reply, her voice soft and her eyes hard and unflinching when Jesper pouts.
“But it’s the greatest movie ever made!” he protests. “It’s a masterpiece. It’s a witty deconstruction of the capitalist system. It challenges us to think about the importance of those in society we brush off. It tackles our preconceived notions of relationships-”
“By that he means, she fucks the bee,” Wylan replies.
“She loved the bee! She and the bee had a consensual adult relationship!”
“Is Jesper debating the merits of the Bee Movie again?” Matthias appears in the doorway, hair tousled, clad in sweatpants and one of his old hoodies. The dark blue brings out his eyes. “Because I am not willing to sit through it for a third time.”
“Insert joke about furries here,” Kaz mutters as Matthias ducks through the doorway. Matthias rolls his eyes, a retort ready on his lips. But then he looks around the room, surveys each of his partners in turn, and Nina can practically see the wheels turning behind his eyes.
“Jesper is that my hoodie?” he turns to Inej, Wylan and Nina, all three of whom stand silently, repressing giggles and burrowing into the impossibly soft fabric enveloping them. “Are these all my hoodies?”
“In our defense,” Jesper begins. Then, he pulls his hands into the sleeves and lets the end flop around, a grin crackling across his face. “They’re comfy.”
“Very comfy,” adds Inej.
“Collosally comfy,” Nina continues.
“Well, shit, I was just going to say ‘really very comfy’,” Wylan adds. A chorus of “swear jar” comes to his reply, and to that he just scrunches up his face and laughs. Even Matthias’ indignance at the hoodie theft seems forgotten as he drags a hand over his face, eyes landing on semi-worridely Kaz.
“Go get out of those wet clothes, Brekker,” he says. “And help yourself to any of my jumpers sicne they’re all free anyway.”
“You’re good, Helvar,” Kaz says before leaving. His gait is slightly stiff with the rain, and Nina doesn’t have to say anything before Jesper flips on the kettle. They’re all too aware of how the cold can affect Kaz’s leg. Wylan will have a hot water bottle down in approximately sixty seconds.
“Matti,” Jesper says as he leans against the table. “Really, you should take the sweater theft as a compliment to your skills. You make them so soft.”
“There’s this magical thing,” he replies. “It’s called fabric softener. You should use it sometime.”
“There’s also the fact that you’re the biggest one here. Ergo, your jumpers fit all of us,” Wylan says. He holds up his arms, completely lost in the cavernous sleeves. “I mean, I offer my collection of jumpers with sheep on them all the time, but they never fit anyone so no-one takes them.”
“Sure,” comes Kaz’s voice from the stairs, slow and stretched out. “That’s the reason.”
Wylan’s reaction comes in three parts. First, he blinks like a deer in headlights, trying to search for Kaz’s meaning. Then realisation dawns on him, slowly, and they all watch as his mouth falls open in the kind of offence usually reserved for when family members are insulted. And for the third part, he looks down in abject horror, and the rest of them alternate by assuring them his sheep jumpers are lovely and also trying not to wet themselves from laughing so hard.
Saints, Nina has never felt so lucky.
In a crushing five-to-one defeat, they don’t watch the Bee Movie. Jesper makes a show of how disappointed he is, insisting that none of them have the same intellectual taste in film that he does. Instead, they go for Labryinth, followed by The Princess Bride and maybe Sharkboy and Lavagirl if there’s time. And for all Jesper’s whining, he is the first to start dramatically quoting each film as they set up. As Nina pulls the warmed blankets from the dryer, she can hear Matthias reluctantly playing the Buttercup to Jesper’s Westley and Kaz chiming in with a quote here and there to keep the scenes moving. She rolls her eyes and sighs “boys”, but the smile on her face is unshakeable.
The smile blossoms when Inej rises her her tiptoes and kisses the back of her head.
Arm in arm, they return to the living room with arms full of blankets just as Jesper is answering the door. As they enter, they’re greeted witha cry of “piggy back time” and the visual of Wylan rocket-launching himself onto Matthias’ back. Their partner gasps, stumbles and just barely rights himself before he bellows out a laugh and adjusts Wylan’s hold on him. Kaz sits on the couch, Wylan’s hot water bottle tucked against his bad leg and funnily enough, Matthias’s sweater over his pyjamas. Between gloved hands, Nina spies the familiar gleam of Kaz’s phone, and underneath Wylan’s giggling she hears the unmistakeable click of the camera. He pulls it back as soon as Jesper returns, face obscured by the mountain of food boxes he carries.
“Gentle reminder that the paper plates on the coffee table are to be used,” Kaz announces. “Because I am not cleaning tomato sauce out off the cushions again”. That comes with a pointed look at Nina, and she just shrugs before dumping the blankets in the middle of the room and announcing that its a free-for-all. Her preferred one, a white fluffy number Kaz got her last year, is already securely wrapped around her shoulders, and so she’s happy and comfy and seated for the night. Ergo, her partners may fight to the death if they please.
Secure in her blanket cocoon, she plops down on the sofa. Matthias descends on the pile, Wylan on his back, who announces their presence by sticking his fists in the air and yelling “blankets!” like his life depends on it. Laughter buzzes in the air as they all watch Matthias lowerself down, Inej punctuating it with a growing ‘ooooooooh’ and a ‘heck yea’ when he makes it without dropping him. Wylan grabs one for himself and one for Matthias as well, pressing the fabric into his free hand before returning his hands to Matthias shoulders and declaring “Onwards my noble Fjerdan!”.
“Here,” Matthias sighs. “Go be Jesper’s problem. I’ve had enough of you.” His words are annoyed but his tone is anything but, and Wylan lands in a giggly heap on Jesper’s lap.
And that’s it. Jesper straightens up against the couch, content for a moment, but then Kaz taps his shoulder and he scoots into the spot between Kaz’s legs. Wylan’s is curled on his side, his head in Jesper’s lap with Matthias next to him, rubbing circles into his back. With a slice of pizza in one hand, Nina runs her hand through Matthias’ hair, enjoying watching how his cheeks grow when he smiles. She presses her finger to one of his dimples and scratches against his cheek, and something warm bubbles in her chest.
Somehow, Inej managed to sneak in and situate herself on the couch without anything noticing. Her hand is intertwined with Kaz’s, and he dips his head and whispers something to make her laugh. When Nina looks, she sees Kaz’s free hand petting Jesper’s hair.
And it’s this. It’s just the six of them, and messy combinations of limbs and pizza and soft words and bad jokes. It carries them through, just like it always has.
The rain keeps pelting the window, unending, determined to be let in. But inside its them, and the movies on the TV, and the soft, fuzzy peace that glows openly between them all. And for Nina, and for all of them, it’s enough. It will always be enough.
#six of crows#six of crows ff#poly!crows#nina zenik#jesper fahey#kaz brekker#inej ghafa#wylan van eck#matthias helvar#helnik#kanej#wesper#wylan x matthias#kazper
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TWST GENDER AND SEXUALITY HCS
thanks again for submitting stuff on twitter! i tried to include everyones hcs somehow but also keep it true to my own hcs. again this took forever so sorry for any writing/grammar inconsistencies
⚠️ warnings: i typed the word "transmascpilled" with a straight face, light chapter 3 spoilers!!
last updated: oct 6, 2023
HEARTSLABYUL 🥀
Riddle: Unlabled Questioning Asexual, Transfem (she/any)
because of her parents i think her identity was the last thing on her mind
after going to nrc they found out about... expression?! crazy i know
started to cautiously experiment with his identity, but isnt very open about it and is still figuring himself out.
Ace: Cupioromantic Bisexual, Cisgender (he/him)
is always getting "crushes" on people (he cant tell the difference between platonic and romantic love)
after pining for someone for like a week he gets a little "OHHH" moment
asked cater about it, got laughed at, and was directed to the lgbt wiki
despite this he can feel romantic attraction! he just feels very little. is deuce's qpp/possible romantic partner
Deuce: Pansexual, Gender curious (he/him)
hasnt really thought about his identity much but after some research (an Am I Gay Quiz) he realized he was pansexual
still figuring out his gender
type of fellow to say "HIS PRONOUNS ARE THEY THEM" /j
Cater: Queer, Transmasc NB Genderqueer (he/they/any)
@/heartslabyulian on twt explained it better than me but the resistance against his mom and sisters about "being like them" (feminine) is so transmascpilled
also i think theyre just having fun expressing themself like who cares? wear a skirt, dont bind, grow out and dye your hair, use fem terms, literally just go crazy
Trey: Cisgender Bisexual (he/him)
male/nb preference
pretty confident in his identity but isnt opposed to experimentation
SAVANACLAW 🥩
Leona: Unlabled, Intersex GNC Transfemneu (she/him)
lions are one of natures queerest animals
i think he wouldnt care too much about gender presentation
i was inspired by that gay lion in kenya (as well as the real lion king) and have come to the conclusion that leona kingscholar is bisexual (bangs gavel)
Ruggie: Pansexual, Agender/GNC Transfem (he/she/they)
read a fanfiction where ruggie used she/her and i havent been the same
expresses herself how she wants but doesnt really align with any gender
im conflicted if he would be agender or nonbinary SIGH
Jack: Panromantic Asexual, Gender curious (he/him)
still figuring out his gender just give him a minute
sex repulsed ace, hes really uncomfortable w the topic and thought of sex
all he knows is he likes boys alright
OCTAVINELLE 🐚
Azul: Bisexual, Intersex Transfem (she/he)
i think one of the reasons azul wanted us to get that picture from the museum so bad is not only cos hes self consious of his younger self but because he looked "more masculine" and he just really hated it
me when im in a depressed and self conscious competition and my opponent is azul ashengrotto [insert enel one piece shocked face reaction image]
Floyd: Unlabled, Genderfluid (he/any)
doesnt care for labels he just wants to have fun in the sun!!!
type of guy to go "im a boy but a girl but a Man but a pretty princess but also a mud eating warrior but also--"
just like me fr
Jade: Aromantic Asexual, Agender (they/he)
fucking battery
look i get its probably stereotypical to hc the typically "stoic" guy to be triple A but just hear me out: i dont care (also jade isnt even stoic he is such a silly guy!!)
its MY headcanon account and EYE get to choose which anime boy i project on
SCARABIA 🌞
Kalim: Lesbian, Transfem Genderfluid (she/he)
she has lesbian eyebrows okay?
always sliding around from fem to masc, his outfits often reflect how hes feeling
blink and she switches from ultra pink miniskirt sparkly frilly femme girly teengirl into a baggy pants oversized band shirt beanie wearing 7/11 mountain dew big gulp drinking Creature. seriously iconic
Jamil: Bisexual, Nonbinary (they/he)
they dont have time to worry about their identity
he has BILLS to PAY
but seriously they never got the time to do any self reflection when they were younger and after their OB they were able to fully come to terms with and explore their identity
POMEFIORE 👑
Vil: Queer Polyamorous, Genderqueer Transfem (she/her)
said this already on twitter but she/her vil is so real
figured herself out even before NRC
i dont have much to say about pomefiore as a whole tbh like theyre just Gay it just makes sense?
Rook: Pansexual Polyamorous, Agender (they/them)
this is the one hc i will never ever budge on
i cant explain myself. rook is just agender okay.
the panpoly bit is because he sees beauty in everyone and wants to share beauty with everyone (and he wants potential romantic partners to share beauty with each other as well)
Epel: Gay, Trans man (he/him)
also took an Am I Gay Quiz
asked vil about her identity and for advice on finding himself and stuff
he came out to leona as trans during practice and leona was like "okay? me too? now do 30 pull ups?" and epel was so happy
IGNIHYDE 💀
Idia: Bisexual, Nonbinary (he/they/xe/it ++)
i think lilia canonically uses he/they pronouns for gloomurai. im not fact checking this i will just saw someone on twt say it once and choose to believe
probably found out he was bi after playing an otome game
list of neos: xe/it/exe/cy/vi/byte/if/gore
Ortho: Experimenting (he/it/neos)
someone on twitter said ortho was that ""cringe"" baby queer who is constantly changing his identity and trying out different pronouns
and it reminded me of myself when i was 12 and named myself ""moth"" 😭 so its canon now
idia is supportive and uses his heaps of money to buy new pride flags/pins for whenever ortho comes to a new conclusion
DIASOMNIA 🐉
Malleus: Pansexual, Agender (any pronouns)
doesnt care about gender constructs, but in a way thats like "human gender doesnt make any sense so you can perceive me any way you want and it literally will not matter i dont care"
didnt even realize that going by different pronouns and wearing fem clothes was considered to be out of the norm until being introduced to human society
Lilia: Unlabeled, Agender (no pronouns)
again for fae gender isnt a construct as much as it is for human societies
id imagine lilia doesnt really mind using he/him pronouns after learning about those constructs but really doesnt care for them
Silver: Lesbian, Nonbinary (he/him)
when lilia took silver in, lilia didnt want to get too close to him, so lilia just used he/him on silver as a bitter reminder that silver isnt fae (contrary to raising silver without pronouns like he would typically for a fae child like malleus)
but then lilia got attached anyway LOL but the he/him stuck
kalim and silver are nonbinary lesbians in love
Sebek: Questioning, Questioning Nonbinary (he/him...?)
hes like "STUPID HUMANS AND THEIR GENDER" but at the same time is secretly questioning if its okay to use she/her pronouns, wear a wig, and put on makeup
because his dad is a human he got pronouns and grasped the concept of human gender constructs but was also able to experience his moms side of not caring about it
#twisted wonderland#twst headcanons#projecting#heartslabyul#savanaclaw#octavinelle#scarabia#pomefiore#diasomnia#gay anime boys#twsthc
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Hey, just wanted to say that I'm really thankful to you for all the posts you've made about Krist so far
I didn't know him at all before BMF and only slowly "learned" about him through some people making snide comments about him before the show aired and people in the tags/comments then reiterating all the reasons why he's awful and should be cancelled with links to those standard "proof" compilation videos + posts and it's terrifyingly easy to get caught up in the hate spiral and the image it paints when that's all you hear about a person who at that point in time merely existed in the periphery of the fandoms you hung out in, especially if the people constantly spreading and reinforcing that image were people you used to really enjoy having on your dash. It made me apprehensive of the show before it even aired, which did both the show and Krist a terrible disservice
Your posts gave me a much more nuanced picture of him and the context within which the hatred got started and has kept persisting even now and it's really been a bit of an eye-opener regarding Fandom Discourse™️ and how it can influence your opinion of people you know nothing about even as you try to just mind your own business, possibly even thinking yourself somewhat immune to that sort of mindless cancel culture
I've made some adjustments to my dash and it has become a much kinder place for it now
I'm glad other people I follow also actively loved the show and posted about it and I'm glad you've been so vocal in talking about Krist as a person, it acted like an antidote to all of the vitriol that had one-sidedly poisoned my perception of him
Should it have been necessary? Probably not but that's not what this is about. Sometimes all it takes is one person speaking up and telling you to fact-check your blind bias and it really matters, especially when things have been taken out of context and twisted and amplified as much as was done with him. Thank you for unknowingly being that person for me, I truly appreciate it
Oh, Anon. :')
Thank you so much. I've teared up reading this, and it just makes me so happy to know I've done something small to change hearts.
When I became a fan in June of 2020, I barely knew him. I'd binge-watched SOTUS in May, and the hate went supernova shortly thereafter. I'd just been so moved by his empathetic portrayal of Arthit, I was skeptical that he could be this Deeply Homophobic Bigot that people were painting him as. And honestly, when I saw the IG story the first time, I just thought it had been a half-joking exaggeration to a question that annoyed him and it landed poorly. It wasn't enough to convince me of anything.
Fortunately, because I'd done a watch thread for SOTUS, I'd made a bunch of friends in the Peraya fandom, and a good number of them were queer like me. So I went to them and asked what they knew. They explained the whole thing: that it was from years before, that because KristSingto were the ones who started the "First Wave" they'd put up with a whole higher and wilder level of scrutiny and obsession and homophobia. They told me Krist had had a relationship with a girl at the time, that she and her family, his family, his friends, everyone close to him was being spied on or investigated by people who Needed to Know if Krist was secretly dating Singto. (Later, I found out about the whole KristGun thing, that their friendship had been tested by similar prying and accusations and homophobia and possessiveness by the more unhinged fans of the Real Branded Pairs.)
With that much background, and knowing Krist couldn't have been more than 19 or 20 at the time, I said, "Oh," and figured most people would have the same reaction when they looked into it.
But instead, it got worse.
It was surreal to experience as a new fan. Krist's Thai fans were exhausted by these interfans showing up and baying for his blood in languages they couldn't communicate in, and Krist's interfans were protective of him and impatient with the interfans on Twitter who'd just clap back with "LMAO NOT YOU DEFENDING A HOMOPHOBE?????" and racking up hundreds of likes and retweets for dunking on Krist fans. Any time Krist posted, they'd flood him with cruel replies and QRTs, and I have to reiterate that, like, to get that amount of hatred in foreign languages must have been such a horrible feeling. People demanded he apologize, but he already had. Multiple times. He'd just done it in Thai.
Worse than that, I've been told by an older Peraya that when the IG story was first posted, Thai fans knew he wasn't homophobic, so it didn't blow up with them. It was interfans even back then who misinterpreted him. He did apologize, though, and unfortunately, the fandom was small enough that the only person who translated it was neither fluent in English nor Thai. Apparently he said something like, "I was raised in the genre of Y series, and it's my home, and one I'm deeply proud of, so I'd never harbor any kind of bigotry like that," but the person's language ability limited what they were able to understand and translate, so they posted something like, "I'm a BL actor so of course I'm not homophobic," and of course interfans at the time only redoubled their attacks on him. "He thinks he can't be homophobic just because he was in BL!?" That kind of thing.
And when people have pushed back on the IG story, I've seen people just make bad faith interpretations of Krist's intentions in other scenarios. Like when he and Gawin were watching their sweet scenes in Be My Favorite, Krist hid behind Gawin's shoulder during their kiss scene, and there was a brief but enthusiastic wave of, "SEE HE CAN'T WATCH TWO MEN KISS." Even though…he was one of them?
The people who say, "He was jobless so he came back to BL," when he rarely has a day off, the people who say, "He was poor so he came back to BL," when BL doesn't pay well and Krist bought a house and supports his entire family off the money he makes doing other work. The music shows he co-hosts have higher ratings than literally any GMMTV BL series. They get something like 2.0 where the average GMMTV BL series gets 0.2.
I know it takes time and patience and resources to learn all of this, and I don't expect everyone to do the amount of research I have. I love him, so it's a pleasure and not a pain to spend time learning who Krist Perawat is. All I've ever wanted by talking about him and sharing more about him is to help lessen the hate he gets. He truly, truly doesn't deserve it, and he never has.
Like, Aof recently posted a GMMTV job listing to Facebook and one of the requirements was that you be a woman or LGBTQ+. I think the only way you'd remain employed in GMMTV with that level of community support if you were homophobic is if your family is well-connected or wealthy. Krist famously cleared his family's debt with the meteoric popularity of SOTUS, so he does not come from money, privilege, or connections. Arguably the one thing he had going for him when he was auditioning for SOTUS apart from his acting talent was his ability to Be Pale if he avoided the sun long enough. (Colorism, alive and thriving.)
So, so many of his friends are queer. His close friends. Not just random people he posts in his stories for clout or to Clear His Name or whatever. These are people who cuddle him and call him their son and speak of him with true knowledge of his faults and his virtues and love him deeply. People dismiss this as, "OH SO HE 'HAS QUEER FRIENDS' LOL OKAY SOUNDS LEGIT," but again, you have to look at the depth of these friendships. Oat has been with Krist since SOTUS. He "adopted" Gawin on the strength of how close Gawin got to Krist over the past year.
As far as I know, Krist has never made his sexuality public knowledge. What he has said (apart from the IG story, which, y'know, wasn't super nuanced) is that he doesn't care how people perceive his sexuality, and that if he ever dates someone of the same gender, he'll be open with the relationship because he wants his fans to know that side of his life and the person he loves—no matter their gender.
I see a lot of people saying, "Oh, he was homophobic, but he's better now," but from everything I've ever seen, I just don't believe it. At best, he was clumsy with how he expressed himself, which is understandable because he was nineteen or twenty and I'm sorry to be Like This but it is rare that you find an Overnight Famous Twenty-Year-Old Guy Without Media Training who's going to know how to communicate his feelings about being constantly harassed to the point where his girlfriend breaks up with him and he's bombarded with questions in multiple languages by fans around the world about his sex life with his senior and costar.
(I got to this point and was like, "I should add some photos so this isn't just a block of text.)
He's not homophobic, he never was. He's just a dude who loves his cats, is really good at acting and drumming and singing and causing chaos, is the beloved baby brother of PeBaCa, and wants more than anything to take care of his family.
Okay, I'm done.
Thank you again, Anon. The more I learn about him, the fonder I get of him, and it's harder and harder to stay quiet about how frustrating it is to see him get so much vitriol. I'm so happy you told me. Thank you, really. <3
……………
Okay.
I have to end this tangent on a positive note.
GMMTV, give me a KristGun series I'm so serious or I'll throw durians through every single one of your windows.
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A Little Prank
[12/30/23]
*promptly shitposts a funky thought from my funky brain*
Written with my own Queer Head cannons of the cast in mind, so to clarify to those who don’t know, Spica will be referred to with she/her pronouns and Sirius with mirrored pronouns.
+This is a little side story for my Artw OC Benate
Summoner Benate: “Sirius… Do yooooooou want to prank Spica with me?”
Sirius: “... A Prank you say? Summoner, what has gotten into you!” *They chuckled.*
Summoner Benate: “Mhm! I have this sticker here…”
*Benate holds up a sticker that, in big bold letters, spells out “egghead”* “... I’m going to stick it to Spica’s forehead, I need you to be ready to take a photo of his reaction on my cue.”
Sirius: *WHEEZE-* “... Of course Summoner, I’d LOVE to.”
And so they both searched for Spica… It wasn’t hard, all the Summoner had to do was ask him via chat then head to the library where she is studying… …
Spica: *With a big smile, wondering what the Summoner wanted to see her for. She gingerly placed a bookmark in the book she was studying and closed it before turning her attention to the Summoner as she stood from her seat.*
“Hello, Summoner Benate, did you need something..?”
Summoner Benate: “Mhm! But first, could you lean down a bit..?”
*They asked, being too short to reach her forehead. Then as Spica nodded, a slight flush on her cheeks, she leaned down to eye level with Benate- then Benate took their chance and quickly pressed the sticky side of the sticker to her forehead and spoke through giggles.*
“SIRIUS TAKE THE PICTURE”
And Sirius did just that as Spica looked up, right into the camera of Sirius’s stella taB as she snapped the pic! Then… Spica’s face grew red, and they could almost see the smoke coming from her ears- THEN IT WAS TIME TO RUN- and so they did! As a very angry, and rightfully so, Spica chased them down the halls of Contell Academia.
#arcana twilight#artw#arcana twilight sirius#arcana twilight spica#arcana twilight summoner#artw oc#arcana twilight shit post#HAVE OC LORE#*SLAMS DOWN LORE*#PRANKSTERS#SIRIUS PRANKS SPICA#SPICA IS PISSED#RUNNING FOR THEIR LIVES
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Fukuzawa dad headcanons 1/? (Ft. Ranpo and Kyoka a little)
Reader is whatever you identify as 👍 I won’t be using specific pronouns
Warning this is really long.
Note: I’m writing these cause I want him to adopt me; these are also in no specific order, I just got to excited about writing dad headcanons about him. Also as mentioned in an older post I often call Ranpo Purin.
Let’s get into it
- Purin probably would not like you at first let’s be honest. I don’t know what would win him over but let’s just say at first you were probably seen as a threat but I think eventually he would like you.
- The fear in Fukuzawa-san’s eyes though when you an Ranpo decide to gang up on him and speed run trying to give him a stroke by acting like little gremlins
- In my culture, and I know it’s the same for a lot of cultures, you typically call someone that is a lot older than you auntie/aunt or uncle so if you ever call him uncle he’ll be like “🥹”
- That being said, even though Fukuzawa-san has a stoic personality, I think the first time you call him Dad, he’ll collapse
- That scene in BSD Wan where he switched bodies with the cat and he’s crying is definitely his reaction
You: my fucking dad is here 🥳
Him:
- That being said if you never call him dad, he might be a little sad but understands that it’s entirely your decision if you’re comfortable enough to
- I have 3c/4a hair, so if you have those hair types or and type 3/4 hair type, he would definitely take the time to learn how to take care of your hair (likewise if you don’t have those hair types he’ll still help you look after your hair)
- If you have a very rough day or just really going through it, he’ll probably let you sit in his office and brush your hair to calm you down
- If you need to just cry he’s good at just sitting there and letting you let your feelings out
- I don’t see him as the “hey hungry I’m dad/dad jokes” type of dad but there are probably days where he’s a bit more playful
You: Can you pass me the flour?
Him: *passes an actual flower*
You, probably: 😀🔪
- If you jokingly refer to him as old man, he won’t get mad but he’s definitely gonna give you the “😠” look
- He’s not a big hugger but if you really need it he’ll give one. But, if you don’t like hugs or being touched he’ll do whatever you’re comfortable with
- If you are in school and get a bad grade, he’s not going to yell at you or be disappointed. You tried (or maybe you didn’t but there will be other tests/assignments, maybe that day just wasn’t your day)
- Will probably let you steal his hoari
- I 100% picture Purin kicking down his door and just start talking about whatever interests him so if you ever want to rant about your current obsession, go for it—he’s just glad you’re comfortable enough to make such bold moves around him
- I know everyone jokes about all of Fukuzawa-sans kids being queer but I genuinely think if you were to come out to him he’d be like “👴👍”
- It may seem like I’m just writing the safe option but considering how chill his I don’t think he’d have a problem
- Will 100% have little family lunch dates with you, purin, yosano and Kyoka
- Definitely has one on one lunch dates
- This is more about Kyoka but one day she randomly call you her brother/sister/sibling/etc and it’s like 🥹✊
Back to Fukuzawa-san
- If you need something to fidget with, he lets you fiddle with his haori or his hand
- If you’re both terrible cooks than you guys will try the food while trying to trick yourselves into thinking it tastes good
- Personally, I think Fukuzawa-san is a good cook (I have no proof but read it and weep) so again, if you’re feeling sad he will put something together for you
- If you’re dating someone from an opposing company he’s probably like “why 😀 out of all the options”
- Reaction to you saying the most out-of-pocket shit: maybe a blank stare of the slow head turn. but remember he’s been dealing with the ADA members for awhile so there is probably nothing you can say that will truly earn you the shocked look.
- same thing if you just randomly say things. I don’t know if anyone else does this but just speaking into the wind and maybe getting an answer but it’s so random that people look at you like “😃”
You: this acnh character is definitely a government spy
Him:
- Overall, he may seem intimidating at first, but i don’t know he just naturally gives of good dad energy so 👍
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I’m going to write more specific ones these are just random ones that I came up with because please adopt me sir.
#found family#bungou stray dogs fukuzawa#president fukuzawa#bsd fukuzawa#bungo stray dogs season 4#bsd anime#bsd rampo#bsd#bsd manga#bsd headcanons#headcanon#father#father headcanon#bungo stray dogs#late night rambles
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