#sibling trauma

[jjkyaoi]

btw. it’s not funny to be genuinely mean and terrible to your little sibling? just so we’re like. clear. it’s not funny or a joke to chase them around with knives or make fun of them to your friends or Lock them in a Dark Storage Room (to the one tiktok comment i saw) it’s not cain instinct or funny or “older sibling things” it’s genuinely traumatizing for some of them. and sometimes, whenever little siblings talk about the cruel shit their older brothers/sisters did to them that wasn’t a joke to them, 90% of the time those same type of siblings will call them babies or downplay it or, pull out the classic, “i had to raise you”.

kids shouldn’t ever be put in the position of having to raise their younger sibling, but it does not give you the right to be cruel and take it out on your sibling who did not have a choice in the family they were born in either. there’s a difference between ribbing and genuinely impacting the way your sibling views themselves and you because of something you did to them. i’m sick of this shit man y’all suck

#thoughts #family #family trauma #vent post #sort of #sibling trauma #lgbt #long post #younger sibling #genuinely i don’t know what gives people the thought that chasing A child around with a knife is funny #because that child won’t understand that it’s a joke #their brain isn’t fully developed #so maybe it was funny to you but you don’t know?? how it made them feel????

[belovedhomo]

on siblings

sharp objects // genesis 4 // succession // raw (2016) // natalie diaz // succession // ginger snaps // succession

#web weaving #siblings #sibling trauma #succession #raw 2016 #sharp objects #ginger snaps

[kevindavidday]

#does this count as hyperspecific? #this for research purposes only so #sibling trauma #siblings #sibling issues #parental trauma

[greenteaqween]

The woman you keep: a poem for the “ruined.”

My mother says I am hard to love.

She says “a task only for one sent from above”

But what does she mean by this?

She does not mean I am one boys don’t want to kiss

for she knows boys have kissed me without asking for much.

She does not mean I am someone no one will touch.

She would say I am touched too much and now used up.

She would say I am ruined too many have drank from my cup.

If she knows I am kissed, touched, and used then by her “hard to love statement” I am confused.

Well, by this she means I am not like my sister

I do not say “yes please” or call a man “Mister”

I am not quiet, gentle, or meek

and a nice Christian man I will never seek

She means I am loud and never agree

She thinks because of this it will only ever be “me”…

Never “us”, never “them”. She thinks I will be alone.

A man could never love a girl with a mind of her own.

She would claim my biggest problem is that I am “hostile”

To be a lovable girl is to be docile.

I am the girl that boys “practice” on

they test me out and then they are gone

A man could never love me in this wretched state.

They would surely leave if they found out I was late

because no one wants a Family with the practice girls.

I am their swine, they are searching for pearls.

My Mother is right

And that is a claim I do not take light.

I am easy to touch, I am funny, even sweet

I do not lack a brain, my teachers called me “a treat.”

I have never once been called “slut”, “whore”, or cheap,

but I am the girl that you use, not the woman you keep.

#poetry #original poem #poets on tumblr #writers on tumblr #women #poetic #womanhood #girlhood #situationships #religious trauma #mommy issues #unlovable #im unloveable #sexuality #loss of virginity #sibling trauma #sister #comparison #god i wish i was someone worth commiting to

[megsiepoo]

            "You were right, Shamura. I was greedy and careless. I didn't care what it took to get what I wanted back then. And what's worse, I hurt you too. I cannot hate you without hating myself in turn. I don't want to hate you." He gave a gentle smile, reaching up with one hand to wipe their tears. "Our whole family has made tragic decisions in the past. We’ve all hurt each other irreparably. I'd much rather spend the rest of our lives together being happy and rebuilding the bonds we once had." Shamura sagged as they released a shuddering sigh, nodding their head numbly.             "Yes, yes I would quite like that. I do not understand your relationship with the Lamb, but it brings me immense joy to see you, not only happy, but at peace. And I consider it a blessing simply to be part of your life again." They clapped their hands together, a bright smile returning to their face. "Now! Let's get you ready!"

Yee new fic up! I don't think I'm very good at fluff, but this was just a fun idea. Can't have happy good times without a little angst though!

Hope you guys enjoy! Feedback appreciated as always

#cult of the lamb #cotl #fan fiction #ao3 #ao3 fanfic #the lamb #the lamb cotl #cotl the lamb #narinder #narinder cotl #cotl narinder #shamura #shamura cotl #cotl shamura #sibling conversation #sibling trauma #past trauma #recovery #guilt #fluff #vow renewal #domestic fluff #happiness #happy ending #narinder and Shamura are full of trauma #but they're getting better #narinder and the Lamb being adorable and happy #no beta read we die like the bishops

[lifeandlies-of-regulusblack]

Regulus Black eats angst for breakfast and oh, how i find symphony in his sadness.

TW/CW: irl parental abuse. irl struggle with mental illness. *life's tough guys*

It's because all my branches were cut so fucking short. All my leaves pruned before they ever got to grow and feel the wind. My soil poured over with boiling water so as to sanitize. Dear sister, they look at the life and fire inside of you and now know exactly what they must kill.

I'm sorry but how could i EVER not feel a deep kinship for this man. Everybody talks about the troubled years of the elder sibling. But who talks about the one child left to pick up the pieces of an already shambled family when their older sibling has made every mistake -- that they're no longer allowed to make theirs?

Honestly, though... what about the children left to pick up the pieces? Left to clean up the mess after? We're here too. I feel like this is a rather unspoken facet to the older sibling-younger sibling dynamic? If not unspoken, then terribly neglected.

The first time I had a panic attack at the backseat of my father's car, my father, with steel in his voice, asked if I was about to turn crazy like my older sister. Ignoring how I struggled to hear him over the sounds of, well, me -- gasping for air I couldn't breathe in. The first time I went home early, missing last period--because I felt cracks in my mind as stabs of anxiety made me feel bloody inside-- i was interrogated. I was asked if I so worshipped my sibling... for being so fucking cruel to my parents and wasting all the hard work that went into paying for my education. Because they felt like they were still paying for my sister's.

My father who paid for my sister's education as she studied in one of my country's most prestigious universities, told me he WASN'T going to give me the same kindness -- just in case. He didn't want to have to waste his money, he said. "So pick a small school and be done with it."

I remember my sister asking me why I wasn't hit as much as she was at my age. It's not like I was never hit, I remember telling her. But there was bitterness clinging to her person, so she asks again -- but why weren't they ever as violent towards me, as they were to her? Why.

I had it so fucking good.

We used to be in the same boat but so good of me to decide I wanted to play the good daughter.

It's because all my branches were cut so fucking short. All my leaves pruned before they ever got to grow and feel the wind. My soil poured over with boiling water so as to sanitize.

They look at the life and fire inside of you and know exactly what they must kill. I was already half dead. There was nothing left of me to hit me for. They made sure of it. THEY. MADE. SURE.

I may hold fewer bruises than you do. I may have fewer scars. But aren't you glad you still want to live? That you actually have people to fight and live for?

I think they got to me way deeper. Sorry, I guess? I'm already dead.

Of course, I never told her that. She got to have enough time in her life that her anger and bitterness fuel her own passion. I grew up holding my own bitterness in silence because there's simply no point. Not for me.

I was only living so that my parents could satiate this cruel greed to prove to themselves, that they could have one child that "wasn't fucked up" that "wasn't a failure". I spent a good chunk of my life trying to erase her mistakes. Like that was all I was here for. Allowed to be here for.

(How it fucking cost them, when I was diagnosed with my own cocktail of mental illnesses -- apparently she already has hers. I was barely allowed to "have" mine. Dad said I should be thankful.)

So maybe I look at this fictional character and feel some sort of affinity for what I can only imagine were his struggles. Rebellious older brother and the sibling left to fend for himself, and thus, overcompensating to please his parents? Younger sibling made heir because his brother ran away? Well, that's sounds terrifyingly familiar.

I wasn't a fucking nazi. Nor will I ever be. So, there's that.

Though, given my field of study, I'm well aware that had my parents been (or something similar), I would've gone to the moral deep end and followed. At least regulus fucking pulled his shit together despite the sheer lack of help he got compared to sirius. I'm really, not sure. if I'd have had enough will to do the same, much more live to die for something -- when I was in a similar household situation as him.

Granted, I'm well aware my sister isn't, in any way, responsible for the abuse I went through, just as it wasn't my words or my hands that hurt her as well. I feel the same way for the black brothers too.

It's just that sometimes the discourse around regulus can tend to get very hurtful and ignorant towards how children respond and try to survive in abusive households. Or how sirius' role as an older brother takes precedent, as if the younger kids in families don't face their own nightmares. or that sometimes THEY'RE THE ONES who get hurt the most in certain situations.

This isn't a call to aggression or the dismissal of what elder siblings go through. I'm just saying that regulus is so painfully relatable and is a powerful medium when it comes to discussing what younger kids go through. YOUR YOUNGER SIBLINGS SUFFER JUST AS MUCH AS YOU DO EVEN IF YOUR VERSION OF HELL DOESN'T LOOK THE SAME.

TL;DR: younger siblings are always the last ones left. and when you're the last one left, you're the one who has to deal with everything. there are younger kids also fighting for their fucking lives, okay?

Note: i have three older siblings of which I've experienced all these things with them. Here, they've blurred into this singular presence because it's easier than actively writing out their names. Also, why would i do that? And this was written more for my catharsis. All of what I've written remain just as real. So when i say i get regulus black, i really do. I have three sirius's in my life and two of which i love but will never speak to. Ever again.

#regulus kinnie #regulus black #sirius and regulus #sirius black and regulus black #the black brothers #ancient and most noble house of black #marauders era #younger sibling #sibling trauma #yes - i do think people tend to get ignorant when it comes abuse #people only respect what's easier to swallow #think about the prettier picture. the one who fights cruelty and wins #but cruelty kills. yall. some give under the weight. #does it excuse regulus being a death eater? no. but he was far from a coward. Or to have cowardice as his defining trait. fuck that. #still -- dont be a nazi. #hp marauders #sirius black

[longfurbybitchboi]

Having much older siblings just makes you nihilistic and have trust issues. Honestly I can’t believe my parents raised these people.

Brb having average sibling experiences with my sibling who is close to my age

#I feel like I’m dealing with adults but I’m just aware of all their flaws #why are we so different #I really was delusional when I was younger thinking that they would cause me no issues #and my eldest brother isn’t even the worst and he’s still hurting my feelings like this #why is it so awkward to talk to them #I guess we’ll never be able to just vibe #siblings #older siblings #sibling problems #older brother #older sister #when he was my age I was 7 #sibling trauma

[sunnycycle]

me realising that ive never actually been 'in love' ive just got attached to anyone who gives me the slightest bit of affection. especially older girls.

#childhood trauma #trauma #sibling trauma

[putnamcapital]

Sara-Simon fics?

If you've read or written fanfics that center the relationship between Simon-Sara, i want to hear from you! tysm xxx

#young royals #simon eriksson #sara eriksson #fic rec #sibling trauma

[babyspacebatclone]

I made a comment yesterday about Catra from SPoP having a lot of the same traumas as my brother.

It reminded me of something.

I babble, so the story is below the cut.

But it exactly describes why I, personally, am unsatisfied with the “closure” shown in canon in regards to Catra having a healthy relationship with Adora - any kind of relationship - with the state of self-awareness she ends the series on.

TL;DR:

If my brother interprets something innocent I say as an “attack” on him, there is no winning for me to try and change his mind.

Having a third party attempt to change his mind is most likely to just add to his trauma of me being the “golden child” growing up, which I’ll discuss at the end of the post below.

And my brother interpreting statements from other people, not just me, as a personal attack is not an unexpected occurrence.

Link to a different example that expands on the kinds of things he’ll get into this state over….

I’ll start that my younger brother’s and my history of emotional abuse from a parent figure (our biodad) is many order of magnitudes below Catra’s and Adora’s. And this is not an “obvious” statement if you don’t know me, because sadly there are examples of child abuse out there to be found that surpass Shadow Weaver….

Nevertheless, we very much developed very similar trauma responses and issues: I was the “golden child,” someone who tends to be submissive and helpful as a temperament, lucky enough to find things like school easy; my brother struggled more with his anger, school, and in general just about everything I seemed to be good at.

Even as a teenager (around 16), I could clearly see a dynamic of “I get more positive attention, he gets more attention.”

I don’t know if it’s personality or trauma based on his part, but I also used to have a “joke” about our belongings: “What’s mine is ours and what’s his I don’t touch.”

Both sides of that were dictated by him.

Nevertheless, I always viewed my responsibility as both the oldest child and “one who had it easier” (like, 10 out of 100 is higher than 5 out of 100….) to take care of and protect him, and it wasn’t until we were about 14 and 16 respectively I started to resent that.

I’d resent how he treated me, sure, but I’d always recognized a lot of his behavior problems were my father’s fault.

Speaking of my father, there’s definitely cycles of abuse here; I never wanted nor could have handled the details, but him being raised by first generation German immigrants and then entering the Canadian Air Force gives me things to suspect.

I also cut ties with him at 24; my brother when he was kicked out of the house by him at 17.

(very very long story; we were living with him after the divorce until Mom could get on her feet)

Anyway…..

We’re now both 40+. In many ways, our relationship has improved - we’re the only ones we’re comfortable with discussing we’re Queer within the family, for example - and he definitely wishes we were closer friends.

In the past few years, I’m slowly losing the guilt over me not feeling the same way.

This is the perfect example why.

It was 2019, my brother was early into a new romantic relationship , and Episode 9 of Star Wars was coming out.

My brother was really excited that me and his then-girlfriend were bonding over both being geeks, and he excitedly invited me to go to an advanced showing of The Rise of Starwalker that was happening in a nearby town.

I had very little interest in actually seeing the movie, and am an Autistic Introvert to his Autistic Extrovert, so none of this really sounded like “fun” to me.

But he was excited, and as sibling outings go didn’t sound painful.

So I put on my big-girl big-sister pants on and agreed.

Something with my family is that the person in charge of an outing drives - which is 100% a control thing, and functionally means if you can’t justify driving yourself my mom or my brother (depending on if she’s involved) is picking you up.

(despite not meeting him until I was 22, my step-father and I are exceptionally similar and neither of us rock the boat there)

Once I finally got a driver’s license at 35, I started to hate this system, but again it’s rarely actually painful and thus not worth making a deal over.

Anyway, on the day my brother comes to pick me up. I technically knew he was picking me up first and then we were going to his girlfriend’s new place, but I hadn’t quite processed that this was a short visit and not just her jumping into the car.

So I got into the back seat so she could ride shotgun when we got to her.

My brother found this hilarious (or maybe was pretending to? idk with him…) and teased me for not getting up front with him.

I work as a daycare teacher, and at that time it probably had been only a month since a lead teacher hd come back from maternity leave, and trying to cover her duties for several months had almost - and I am serious here - broken me.

I remember it taking almost 30 seconds for me to understand what the problem was, and when I did I did not want to have to deal with him laughing at me over something so stupid.

So I said something along the lines of “Opps, sorry, braindead, tired from work.”

I need to emphasize:

All I said was that I was tired and blamed my work.

In response, my brother gave me a cptsd flashback.

I was being shouted at, being told I don’t appreciate how tired he is after his - and he’s right here - physically intensive job, do I appreciate anything….

When confronted with something that reminds me of one of my biological father’s outbursts, I immediately drop into “freeze” out of “fight, flight, freeze, fawn.”

I did not understand why he had taken my statement as a direct attack on him, but he had, this was happening, and there was nothing I would be able to do to stop it.

I sat there, silently crying, waiting to be ordered out of his car because I physically could not move until I was given that.

To my complete shock he got silent…

And started the car.

I felt like I was in a parallel universe.

The raw rage was still radiating off my brother, but somehow he had chosen to drive to his then-girlfriend’s place as planned.

I don’t think I was able to give her the full story, but once I basically said I’d upset him she ripped into him for making me cry.

Kinda wish she hadn’t been such a flake in just about every other regard; a girl needs a strong backbone to survive my brother.

After he’d been calmed down, we were back in his car and driving to the movie theatre half an hour away.

By the time we got there my brother was back to his happy excited persona, very very proud that he had thought of such a cool thing for his two geeky girls to do, and the fact it ended up with us seeing Rise of Starwalker didn’t dampen it.

(I shall say I was not impressed with directions taken in the movie, and my overall impressions are shared by specific segments of Star Wars fans)

However…

I never stopped being upset by the entire thing - specifically, that while my brother had apologized for shouting at me, he never apologized for why he had shouted at me.

And as I said at the top of this post, there is no winning if I were the one to try and bring up how hurtful that had been.

I’d either set him off on the entire “you don’t appreciate me!” thing and, ya know?

No, I didn’t appreciate much about this entire endeavor, I was doing it entirely as a favor to you so you could have a fun night out with me on your terms.

Just because you spend a lot of energy doing something you think someone else is going to enjoy, doesn’t automatically force them into actually liking what you are doing.

Sometimes, you have to do a bit of calculus, and figure out mental energy put in versus mental drain during activity versus outcome, and pick things that have a low net loss in order to be a nice decent human being.

Doesn’t mean it’s still not a net loss.

Having a third party explain to my brother he completely flipped over nothing and not every statement about my life being hard means his suffering is invalidated is thin ice too.

Because that’s exactly what had happened.

The only way my brother can feel secure that his needs will be met is if his suffering is acknowledged as the worse, and therefore will be prioritized.

Just like my biological father’s suffering always had to be prioritized.

Just like I learned somewhere early in elementary school that I had to hide my suffering, because entering into the arena of “who needs attention more?” would only end with more trauma for me.

Just like I learned I had to be satisfied with the positive attention people gave me for doing things they thought were worthy, but also not being a “show off” and actually seek out attention because that made me a bad person.

Because I got the most positive attention.

And my brother got the most attention.

And I understand my brother’s traumas.

And the fact he tried to fix things for me by not canceling our event, does show that he does try and improve things, he does know he’s hurting me.

But I can’t think of how explaining “punishing your sister for you mistaking neutral statements for personal attacks” to him is going to be helpful

unless it’s done by a professional.

And I can’t be involved in it in any way, or else it just quite naturally is going to just add to the existing resentment that neither of us could prevent happening when we were children.

Because, yeah, it’s shitty to realize you’re hurting someone you love because of your mistakes.

It’s not something people want to have to admit.

But both our work schedules got super packed due to COVID.

And I haven’t had a “brother led” activity since.

And I don’t fucking ever want to again.

And I still feel guilty about that.

But a fuck ton less than I did in 2021.

#family dynamics #family dysfunction #sibling trauma #sibling rivalry #sibling relationship #tw emotional abuse

[demonbanisher]

I’m having a lot of feelings about sibling trauma tonight so...

And it’s years later when they meet again, and Regulus is seething with a kind of anger that Sirius doesn’t understand but if he does know one thing, it’s that he’s not going to let him walk out of his life so easy again. He grabs tightly onto his wrist as he tries to walk away.

“Why won’t you talk to me?”

“Because you left me!” Sirius opens his mouth to respond but Reg cuts him off. “And before you say you didn’t leave me you left mom and dad that isn’t true. As much as you try to make it true, as much as you try to make yourself feel better it still doesn’t change the fact that I was still there! I was still there and I... I was so alone.”

“Reg - “

“Don’t touch me.”

“I’ve missed you.”

“Yeah, well you’re about ten years too late.”

#regulus black #sirius black #black brothers #sibling trauma

[galactic-milk-jug]

Inside her room was a bright naive child-like wondrous world of color. Her wings were a brilliant white, her skin a fair ivory color, her hair a glorious coffee brown and her eyes a cobalt blue. In her hand was a wooden toy sword and before her was a bag mannequin, holding its own shield and mace. Her stance stood firm, a foot before her and a foot back. The decoy stood no chance as the flying zip came before it could react. Finally, the toy sword took its aim and removed the soldier's head off its shoulders. The flier bounced from the corner of her room and behind the mannequin, her sword stabbing into the flimsy backing of the doll. Once the bag fell to the floor in defeat, the girl removed her sword and folded her wings.

An applause erupted the silence. Out of the shadows came a darker skinned Aviarian with mint green wings and brown curly hair pulled into a tight bun behind her head. "Good job, Ludibrio," said the Aviarian. "Though your speed could use some more control."

On her body was silver armor, the crest of the royal kingdom broad on her chest: a pair of wings that carried a heater shield with two curves at the very top. The shield itself was colored in four equal parts; a fiery red, a calming arctic, a pearlescent white and an enlightening yellow.

The princess bowed her head to show appreciation of her praise. "You taught me the best there is, Captain," the princess said gratefully. "And I've more to teach you as you grow," the woman added.

The captain moved to the head of the mannequin and lifted it from the floor. She placed the removable head back to the piston neck that carried it. A click settled the jawline into place and the decoy was ready to take another battle under its fabric purple wings- whose nocks were coming loose anyways.

She kneeled and patted the princess's hair down and smiled. "Why worry about fighting when you're so young?" She inquired. "Enjoy your youth. One day, it will be the most precious thing you own..."

The princess smiled back brightly. "Promise me you'll live through every moment. I want to see you flourish like the winged warrior you are." Ludibrio pondered for a long moment. Then she nodded with the same caring grin; "I promise, Vigilia..."

#WIP project #original story #Of A Feather #my ocs #oc story #OC series #fantasy #war #demons #possession #royalty #betrayal #siblinghood #family trauma #sibling trauma #war trauma #marriage trauma #death trauma #just a lot of goddamn trauma #istg this project has taken me over a decade to finally start writing

[wheresmysoup-p-p-p]

Every time my brother comes to our house unannounced, I immediately go into my room.

I realized this has become my trigger response.

To disengage or avoid conflict from an explosive person, I retreat to a safe place until I hear him leave. I learned this in my NA meetings and I also acknowledge that this might not be the healthiest solution but it is the "best" solution for the circumstances (my counselor says).

Grounding exercises also help, coming back to my body and breathing. This makes these situations manageable for now.

#am i actually afraid of him now? #addiction #sibling trauma #narcotics anonymous

[swugflower]

Happy birthday to my brother.

I don’t actively miss you in my life anymore, but I still think of you from time to time.

I think of you whenever I hear Marinas “The Family Jewels”. I never thought that the only thing we would share is one last name, but here we are.

I think of you whenever I hear your way too common first name unexpectedly.

I think of you when I see something you would like or used to like.

I think of you whenever you come up in stories. I know the others try not to tell you stories you were a part of, but I still do.

I never bothered to learn that one friends address. I just remember how to get to your house and stop two streets too early. I think the whole way of you. How likely it would be to meet you. How I would react. I wonder how you would react.

I fought tooth and nail against everyone for you and in the end they were right. Pretty embarrassing for me, not gonna lie.

But it hardly matters anymore to me. I have had enough time to mourn you - after coming to terms with mourning you at all. It’s not like your gone.

But still you are so far apart that the only thing we share is one last name.

Happy birthday.

#swugs ted talk #tw family #tw family trauma #sibling relationship #sibling trauma #the family jewels

[gorilla-grip-knussy]

.

#dont mind the doormat #sibling trauma #my little sister is getting married in May and the rsvp date is in a week and im fucking terrified #shes getting married out in the countryside and my agoraphobic ass wants to go so desperately but i am terrified #shes so aggressive #im scared to say yes and im even more scared to say no #i couldnt go to my oldest sisters wedding because of my anxiety and shes pissed at me because of it and its been 6 years #im scared that if i dont go to my little sisters wedding they both wont come to mine when i eventually get married out of spite #the only sister im not scared of is my second eldest sister because shes like me #i wish i could just go out and do things like a normal person

[aorose-official]

What do you mean every main character in this book has sibling trauma??? What do you mean I’m projecting????

#bookcommunity #booklr #books #funny #writerscommunity #writing #ya books #fantasy #writer things #writer problems #siblings #sibling trauma #sisters