#sick of living

[jacobtheloofah]

hell world!!!! hell world!!!! hell world!!!!

#jacob's ramblings #politics #im so fucking sick of this because its not like they actually care about the lives of children #they just hate women and need a cause to rally behind #every anti-abortion politician deserves to have been aborted

[papercuts33]

(.love me, i'm a rockstar.)

i'm trying to figure out where my will to live went

standing on a hilltop

heaven sent

the blood squeezed out from my broken heart

i don't even know where to start -

is that wrong of me to say ?

that i desire to run away, i cannot stay

lit a cigarette

take a deep breath

dive into the mosh pit - allow yourself to finally forget

i'm done, this is it

you could die

i don't think anyone would nor should care

that's it

everything sucks

'cause i don't

from where i'm sitting, smoking to breathe on this hilltop -

i can see the stars shine

maybe there is hope for my life ?

inside

i'm dying

return home, 3:30 at night

sitting with a glass of wine

my demons have given me such a fright

love me

when i wander to look in the bathroom mirror

i see someone who isn't me

i wasn't meant to be -

me

#deep thoughts #spotify #sick of living #nobody understands #i'm a mess #poemblr #poems #poems and poetry #poetry #sad poem #poems on tumblr #jxdn #jaden hossler #angels & demons #save me #tell me about tomorrow #old account #old poem #old posts #edited #reposted #Spotify

[daisychains111]

Thalia doesn’t keep many things in the hundreds of years she’s been alive. 

But long ago, there were people, their names all but distant memories, who mattered in her 1st lifetime. It’s their things that stay hidden in her bag, reminding her of her mortal life. 

A blue hoodie, worn almost threadbare. The scent of its original owner, long since leached from the fabric. But if she closes her eyes, she can almost see the blue eyes of her first and only love. 

A pair of glasses. Frames cracked and crooked. A reminder of a brother she never got to truly know. 

A baseball cap. It’s magic long faded, branded with a forgotten logo. Memories of a blonde girl laughing hidden deep within. 

A letter. Ink fading, paper yellow. The last words of a dying friend. Words that wish her well, words that wished her well in a world they had fought side by side to save. 

Thalia doesn’t keep a lot of things, but even after all this time, Luke, Jason, Annabeth, and Percy will stay with her forever. The memories of her first family to remind her why life is so beautiful.

#I know i forgot grover but i cant think of anything for him #percy jackon and the olympians #percabeth #percy jackson #percy and annabeth #annabeth chase #thaluke #thalia grace #pjo thalia #jason grace #hunters of artemis #thalia grace is my current roman empire #someday she'll live so long that she'll forget their names and their voices and that makes me physically sick #thaluke were doomed by the narritive #this is sad sorry

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[araekniarchive]

@mnvart // Kaveh Akbar, 'Calling A Wolf A Wolf' // @PinkRangerLB on Twitter // @kosmogrl // @devinsturk, '15 Proverbs for the Fellow Chronically Ill' // Jasmine Deporta // Anaïs Nin, House of Incest // the gentle wisdom uquiz by @inkskinned // Rora Blue, 'Sweet Dreams' // Hala Alyan, Dear Layal

#web weaving #webs #mine #theme: sickness #theme: sleep #theme: this is me trying #theme: i have no choice but to live with this #so. i havent made any webs in a while #ive been working full time and really struggling; turns out my thyroid has become unbalanced again #in addition to the cfs which has been actively ruining my life for eight years now #and this is how i feel about it. basically. #tw chronic illness #@mnvart #minava #kaveh akbar #twitter #@kosmogrl #@devinsturk #jasmine deporta #anais nin #@inkskinned #rora blue #hala alyan #chronic fatigue syndrome #myalgic encephalomyelitis

[lotus-pear]

every time i think abt their canon height difference i want to eat drywall

#ISTG I COULD NOT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GET THE ANATOMY RIGHT FOR THIS ONE IDK WHY😭😭 #anyway they make me sick in the head i try to go one day without thinking abt them and my rotting brain starts shutting down #they're like the iv drip that's keeping my sickly malnourished deteriorating body alive #live laugh love soukoku #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #chuuya nakahara #nakahara chuuya #soukoku #skk #lotus draws

[ickypuppi3]

#calpol is paracetamol for babies and kids just fyi in case people don’t know #abolish the monarchy #fuck the monarchy #not my king #cost of living #cost of living crisis #it’s sick #uk politics #king charles coronation

[noodles-and-tea]

👀

#oh donkey Arthur your 10 seconds of screen time will forever live in my heart #a small throw away joke to make Arthur look stupid? #no sir what you’re looking at is something so special and important to me #I’ve noticed that there’s a pattern for the episodes that’s like it goes a serieous episode followed by a silly filler episode #so actually it goes plot then filler I’m realising I just hadn’t used proper terms for it cause I’m stupid #but after the last episodes of s2 and then the two at the beginning of s3 #I was waiting for my silly episode reward #and boy howdy that was a silly episode #(im sick atm please just polite laugh and nod and be on your way) #my art #Merlin #bbc merlin #arthur pendragon

[sneckoil]

why did wilson feel the need to go gender neutral when talking about the homewrecker he cheated with that made him fall out of marriage? why did house feel the need to describe his ex-bandmate with “if he was a woman i would have married him” ? why did they both say “you’d be surprised with what you can live with?”

There is no closet there are only two men afraid of changing the dynamics of the good thing they already have

#shioshpam #do i bother #house md #hilson #guess i bother #i feel so sick. neither of them are oblivious #they just chose to convince themselves that the nourishment they receive from each other is enough #there could be greater sustenance if acted upon. But they fool themselves into being contented with what little they receive #they would rather remain half empty for the rest of their lives if it means they can always be half full

[teddytheartist]

That’s not the customary greeting Ambassador Sokka…

#yes look at the little braid in Zuko’s hair LOOK AT IT #OmfG guys I’m sick I’m SICK to mY STOMACH #I live them so much they’re so good so beautiful #zukka #zukka fanart #zuko #sokka #atla fanart #atla #avatar the last airbender

[danielleasbureaucouk]

And now my parents have had a massive row and I've got to endure the continuation of the argument or silence for the rest of the evening.

There's nowhere to hide when it happens, they raise their voices as loud as they can go and you can hear it anywhere, possibly even outside.

Why I have to bear witness to it, why am I included in it, why they can't think of how I feel when I hear it...

This is when I'm fine without romance if this is what a relationship includes.

If I didn't wake up tomorrow that would be fine.

They're speaking civilly again talked through the crap, actually apologised to me for it for once. It won't be the last time, but at least the evening will be better now.

I'm close to tears but I can't because its not just this, it's everything and I'm tired of it all.

#rows #parents fighting #panic #sick of living #sick of everything

[madame-helen]

#meme #memes #shitposting #shitpost #humor #dark humor #funny humor #funny memes #funny #news #the independent #remakes #i'm sick of remakes! 😭 #bambi #movies #disney #joke #live action remake #satire #sarcasm #irony

[ash-and-starlight]

one day, in a thousand years

#I THINK I HAUVE COVID #oh to meet your love after a thousand years at a museum exhibit of your past lives #thinking about them makes me so sick so ILL DISEASED #I AM NOT IMMUNE #spc i’m cursing u forever for this wtf. WTF bro wtf #ouyang’s last thoughts were a desperate plea for esen to wait for him. #he has NEVER called him by first name he has NEVER asked him anything #and his last thought is asking him to wait #and esen does. bc he would have given ouyang anything he asked for #god i hope u get rawed so good it makes up for all the lost lifetimes u earned it #he who drowned the world #she who became the sun #the radiant emperor #general ouyang #esen-temur #(zhu also present in the golden imperial dragon and the golden light of gayness that brought them together again) #my art #not super proud of how it turned out tbh tbh it looks better in my head 😔😔 #would’ve stayed in the drafts if not for my need to feed this 4 ppl fandom #and if not for robin motivation nfngdjfb ty kissa you forever #id in alt text

[novelconcepts]

The defintion of hell is knowing a show is incredibly well-received in its first season, but if people don’t become machines churning out tweets, content, and rewatching 24/7, there’s no likelihood it’ll get a chance to tell its whole story. This shit is madness. Shows in different genres shouldn’t have to pit-battle for dominance. First seasons are MEANT to be baselines establishing worlds and characters, not complete storylines. The idea that this golden age of television has turned into “get it done in one or get out” is revolting.

#the sandman #paper girls #some of the hot takes on Twitter are breaking me #‘why don’t we know the whole story? it’s bad writing if you don’t have a complete story in the first season’ girl WHAT since WHEN #how many excellent shows were weak as fuck in S1?? and here we’re getting shows with incredible first seasons fighting for their lives #like fuckin Christ dude the idea of long form storytelling is allowing your story time and space to spread out #otherwise we would only make movies #i am so sick of this edge of my seat fear that any new show I fall in love with will get axed because the higher powers don’t care about art #this has to be a bubble right? this has to pop at some point and go back to shows valued on what they are #and don’t even get me started on creators having to beg for good reviews to balance out review-bombing from shitheads #if every one star review is clearly bigoted from the comments? why is anyone taking them into account?? #why is there no way to manage this shit aside from creators being like ‘please help us”’

[cavarage]

#'kiss me my girl before i'm sick' #that's the line that's been living rent free in my head since 2017 #phantom thread #phantomthreadedit #filmedit #filmgifs #moviegifs #movieedit #fyeahmovies #* #mine #my gifs

[baph0meat]

u should also be opting out whether ur an artist/writer or not. the stuff u post is not less vulnerable just bc u don't think of it as being something that will feed directly into the kind of art/prose generation that has been at the center of most of the discussions on this stuff, and u still deserve privacy and security -- however impossible that may be to attain on the current internet. u may talk to ur friends on here, talk abt ur life on here, some of us share selfies. u should feel as protective of that as anyone feels abt creative works. it matters

#was feeling sick earlier today thinking about. like. commissions i've done that are couple portraits or avatars based on selfies #even filtered thru my work like. thats somebody's face. #we live online. that's the way it is now. the traces of our lives are precious and important to me