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ktwritesstuff · 1 year

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First Comes Love (a Last of Us fanfic)

Title: First Comes Love Fandom: The Last of Us (no-pocalypse AU) Rating: Explicit Characters & Pairings: Joel Miller x plus size!Reader Word Count: ~1,600 Summary: A rare night alone with Joel. Beta-read by the incomparable @bs-fangirl. Additional content notes below the cut.

Part 2 posted 9/1

A/N: At last I have returned to my roots: all your faves want to fuck fat girls. It is, sadly, the early 2000s (no shroompocalypse) so the reader character having history of experiencing anti-fatness seemed unavoidable, so TW for a brief mention. Other than some light breeding kink we have mostly fluffy cuteness. Enjoy!

Austin, TX. 2004

Joel wanted to go out for dinner, but you convinced him to stay in. It was rare for you to have a night alone--Sarah was at a sleepover--and you didn't want to waste a minute. Some folks might have considered Sarah a complication. Dating a single father of a teenaged, mixed-race daughter wasn’t without its challenges (not the least of which was bending over backwards to arrange date night) but the truth was, Sarah was the only reason you had given him a chance.

Joel was a good looking guy–a real man’s man–so much so that at first you hadn’t trusted his interest in you. You thought, perhaps, he learned to set his sights a little lower as a single dad. That the caliber of women he was used to–women like Sarah’s mother, no doubt–wouldn’t give him a second look once they found out he was raising his little girl alone. You had spent a lifetime being told that you were undesirable because of your size, but Joel never made you feel undesired.

Joel picked you up after work. You grabbed burgers and shakes at the Creamery and ate in the truck on the way back to Joel’s. He kissed you playfully as you came through the front door, blowing raspberries on your throat and behind your ear until you screamed with laughter as you fell into bed together.

Joel unbuttoned your blouse slowly, one loop at a time, kissing his way down your breasts. Working his way down your body, he lingered longer to adore the rolls and folds of your stomach with his mouth and fingertips. It used to make you self-conscious, but you had since come to enjoy the loving attention he gave the largest part of your body. He opened your jeans and slipped one hand into your panties. Two fingers slid through your folds, stroking up and down against your clit.

“So good.” His breath felt warm against your skin. “So wet for me.”

You leaned back, pressing your head into his pillow with a content sigh. It smelled like Tide and Irish Spring and the clean sweat that was unmistakably Joel.

You whined a little as he paused his ministrations and rested his head on the soft pouch below your navel, his beard tickling the delicate skin.

“Watcha doing?” You grinned, running your fingers through his curls.

“Thinking,” Joel sighed as his fingers traced spirals on the lowest part of your belly.

“About what?”

“Putting a baby in here,” Joel’s chocolate-brown eyes glanced up at you. “Is that okay?”

“Yes.”

The answer spilled out of you before you even had time to think. You had assumed Joel didn’t want any more kids, he was so devoted to Sarah. It was one of the things you loved most about him. You never felt like you needed a child of your own to be a family. But the idea of Joel wanting another baby was so delightfully surprising; you relished the idea of raising little chunky-thighed peanuts with huge brown eyes and dark curls.

“Really?” Joel grinned.

You nodded.

“Good,” Joel said, snaking his way back up your body to kiss your throat. “Because I can’t wait to fuck my babies into you.”

You pulled the back of Joel’s t-shirt up over his head and he shucked it off in a hurry to slide his hand back down your pants, fingers stroking through your increasingly damp folds. He kissed you like he was swimming through your mouth, coming up for sips of air between long, confident strokes. You reached down to grope him through his pants.

“Gonna love watching your belly grow,” he whispered, low and husky with desire. “Knowing it’s my baby in there, warm and safe, enjoying that nice squishy water bed.”

You felt giddy at his sudden confession. Joel was far from an inattentive lover, but he wasn’t usually this talkative. You could tell he was enjoying the fantasy and frankly, so were you, spreading your legs a little wider as he stroked you lazily.

“Keep going.”

“I’ll read to the baby and sing to them, so they get to know daddy’s voice. Gonna take such good care of you, too.” Joel dipped two fingers inside you, curling them up around the curve of your pelvis. “Rub your feet when you’re tired and get you ice cream in the middle of the night.”

You ran your hands over Joel’s chest and back, feeling the hard muscles under a thin layer of padding. Not vanity muscles, Joel had the body of a man who worked with his hands–strong, useful.

“What else?”

“Your tits are gonna be fucking huge.” Joel drew both hands up to knead your breasts. “Getting ready to feed our baby. I’d suck them for you…If you wanted.”

You almost laughed out loud, but you would hate to embarrass him after he had opened up to you.

“You can,” you assured him.

Joel shifted his weight back, bowing his head to your breasts, sealing his mouth over one nipple, pressing down with the flat of his tongue.

You knew you had a good one, but hearing Joel’s secret fantasies spilling was so endearing, that what he wanted most were all the things he hadn’t gotten to experience with Sarah. You had never been desperate for children of your own, but now anything else was unthinkable.

“I want to have your babies, Joel.”

“Yeah?” Joel looked up at you, bright eyed and flushed.

“A whole gaggle of them,” you said, taking his face in your hands.

“Shit, that’s hot,” Joel chuckled, dipping his head to work the beginnings of a hickey into the crook of your neck. “You’re so fucking sexy right now.”

“Careful,” you warned. “We’re not teenagers anymore.”

You suspected Sarah was well-aware her father was no celebate monk, but there was no need to publicly embarrass the poor girl. You wanted desperately to stay on her good side–she and Joel had a special relationship.

“If we had met when we were teenagers, we’d have a whole damn baseball team by now,” Joel said.

You rolled your eyes at his attempt at flattery. You knew damn well the high school version of Joel would never have given your bespectacled and brace-faced younger self a second glance.

“Thank God for small mercies,” you teased.

“You ready for me?” Joel asked, sitting up to retrieve a condom and lube from the bedside table. You had barely touched him, and he was rock-hard, straining through his blue jeans.

You nodded, shimmying your pants down and kicking them off from around your ankles.

Joel rolled on the condom and moved over you, lining the tip of his cock up at your entrance before pressing in slow and careful, stretching you open a little at a time.

“How’s that?” he asked, bottoming out inside you.

“Feels good.” You hitched your knees up around his waist, letting him press in deeper as you traced the triangles of muscle in his shoulders.

Joel kept most of his weight in his hips as he rocked into you. A few short, quick thrusts followed by long, slow strokes. He reached one hand between your bodies to massage your clit, sending sparkles of pleasure through your belly.

“Shit, that’s good.” Your toes curled, muscles clenching and releasing as Joel fucked you through the climax. You tugged his hair and pressed your mouth over the exposed vein pulsing in his throat to keep from crying out.

“Don’t stop.” You grabbed his ass with your other hand, your nails leaving crescent-moon indents in the plump flesh.

“I’m fucking close,” Joel laughed, brushing one hand over your sweat-damp hair.

“Want you to come for me,” you panted between strokes. “Come inside me.”

“Fuck!” Joel shuddered, collapsing onto you.

You chuckled, still enjoying the ripples of your orgasm.

“Shit,” Joel rallied. “You need anything?”

“I’m golden,” you said with a smile as he kissed you.

Joel held the base of the condom as he withdrew from you. He rose from the bed and went to the bathroom to dispose of it. You almost felt sorry for the unlucky little swimmers—they must have been so confused. No egg today, but hopefully one day soon…

“You know,” you called to him, adjusting your pillows. “If you really want a baby, there’s only one thing you have to do.”

As Joel emerged from the bathroom, you held your left hand out to him, wiggling your fingers.

Joel chuckled, crossing the room. He opened his dresser drawer and returned to the bed with a small velvet box. You gasped, hand flying to your mouth.

You had suspected Joel was thinking about proposing for some time now, when Sarah had not so subtly asked to “borrow” one of your rings for her Spring Fling dance. You had dropped your fair share of hints as well, browsing bridal magazines in the grocery checkout line and remarking which of Country Radio’s Top 10 would make a good first dance.

Evidently Joel had reached the limit of his endurance.

"Sarah found it while she was snooping," he explained. "I was going to take you out for a nice dinner, get down on one knee–”

You opened the box, to find a perfect, tiny diamond on a simple gold band.

Joel cleared his throat as he sat down beside you in bed. “I know it’s small–”

“Shut up,” you snapped, slipping the ring on your finger. “It’s beautiful!”

You laid back in bed, holding out your hand to admire the ring, glittering in the sunset light. Joel draped his arm around you and you curled into his side.

“I’m assuming because you put it on, that’s a yes,” he joked.

“It’s a yes,” you agreed, kissing him.

“We can tell Sarah tomorrow,” he said. “I’ll pick her up before breakfast.”

“I’ll make pancakes,” you agreed.

“I don’t like pancakes,” Joel said.

You rubbed your nose against his playfully. “Sarah does.”

#the last of us fanfiction #last of us au #joel miller x reader #joel miller x plus size reader #tlou fanfiction #joel miller #pedro pascal #troy baker adjacent #tlou smut #joel miller smut

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madarasgirl · 2 months

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A Night for Hunting Ch.16 -Just Another Day in Paradise

T/W: Alucard (Ultimate) x F!Reader, soft yandere, pure sugary fluff, romance, slice-of-life, Valentine’s Day @alastorhazbin On AO3 Words: 4673

Happy Lunar New Year! It’s the Year of the Dragon, aka Dracula’s year.

This was meant to be Ch 17, but I swapped the order between the two chapters because I thought this made more chronologic sense. This chapter also fits the theme of Valentine's Day better! We’re mostly just catching up with what has happened since the Reader moved in before they go on a little date.

There is a lot of narration because I don't have the ability to write that much slice-of-life for Alucard since his in-canon states are usually sulking, violence, anger, emotional breakdown, and cockiness (to hide the emotional turmoil). He's a romantic, but the joys of normal living don't come to him that easily. Same goes for me trying to write it.

A number of months have passed and you were settling into your life at Hellsing, strange as it had become. You continued to work, but were also required to report for training three times a week, where you would proceed to get your butt kicked. Despite the muscle ache and fatigue, it felt good to feel your body getting stronger, even if it sucked to have Alucard see you getting pummelled by the old man Ferguson whenever the vampire happened to drop by and watch. Last week, you finally began firearms training after Captain Ferguson decided your self-defence will suffice for now at your beginner's level.

Alucard was not always at Hellsing. Sometimes he was sent away to other cities for ‘assignments’ for days at a time. When he was not called upon for his services, he would have ample free time, where he mostly stayed in his dungeon staring off into space while sipping his precious wine. It appeared these days, other favourite pastimes were for him to scheme up ways to spook you around the manor and chasing you around the courtyard for sport as you returned from work.

You were quickly learning to check your surroundings for his presence, such as the funny shadows in the corner and misplaced eyes peeking from under tables. You knew to brace for him suddenly coming at you through the walls. But the vampire never terrorized you down in the basement. Whenever you went to see him at night, he never came with the intention of frightening you. It seemed his lair was meant to be a refuge and he reinforced your visits by not scaring you off with negative associations with the place. As if you were Pavlov’s dog in training…

The jerk! He thought he had you in his back pocket already, didn't he?!

Still, you didn't venture into his dungeon nightly, even if wall lamps had been installed. It was just too uncomfortably eerie underground. The creeping darkness did not relinquish its clutches and every time you descended into the deep cold, it was difficult to shake the fear of the unseen despite knowing that Alucard would be at the end.

Absent from the dungeon was the sun, which you were mildly surprised to discover you needed, and experiencing it from your balcony was wonderful on the odd days when it wasn’t raining and the sky wasn’t grey with clouds. When you basked in the early morning rays of late winter, Alucard would wait patiently inside your room for you to leave the warm light behind and return to him. He would frequent your chamber when you didn't reciprocate his visits, so eventually you had blackout curtains installed in your windows such that he wouldn’t have to deal with the light.

Your internal clock now operated on its own timeline. Sometimes you were up during the day for errands or the odd morning shift, where Alucard would come watch you getting ready and then see you off. You could also be training late into the night or spending the witching hours with him. There was so little time to be idle.

With your sleep schedule all over the place, your circadian rhythm was likewise out of whack. When you nodded off in exhaustion in his arms or woke up in one of your beds, Alucard would hum to you occasionally when you were between consciousness and sleep, the enchanting baritone of his voice ushering you off into the safe realm of dreams or guiding you back into the world of wakefulness. He told you it was a lullaby Wallachian mothers used to sing to their babies to lull them to sleep.

Nightmares were a distant memory. In fact, you never even experienced anything resembling an unsettling dream since moving into Hellsing. You suspected it had something to do with Alucard guarding your dreams, though he did not affirm this. You never expected your lover to do this for you and you thought it very sweet of him. Under the watchful eyes and gentle caresses of the vampire king, you slept more soundly than ever whenever you were at last given the opportunity.

Your most cherished moments were when you read together at night, when you’d sit just close enough to touch, but both be occupied with your own material. Too many times in the past, he came to watch you read. As it became too unnerving, you finally offered to lend him the first books of the series you were reading if he was interested. It was a cosmic injustice that the undead cat was capable of devouring literature nonstop night and day until he reached the end of a book. No eating or resting or even moving from his seat, except the times when he'd pause to fold you in half and–

You had precious little free time, but there were perks to living at an estate like Hellsing. Delicious meals were prepared and laundry services were provided when you didn’t want to do these chores yourself. When you wanted to cook your own food for Alucard and yourself, a smaller, fully equipped kitchen was available so you could be his home chef. What a quality of life improvement!

You sighed, smiling to yourself as you stretched out in bed and recalled the whirlwind of the past months. At long last, you had a day off to yourself. Alucard was somewhere and you were excited to leave the premises to venture out into the city. Not only would you temporarily escape the polite small-talk and gossip of the serving staff, you could finally also get some fresh air away from the stringent rules of this military compound.

Alucard shadowing you was now a familiar comfort so you knew you were not alone, but there was a purpose to your trip today and with him absent, it was the perfect chance to go.

There was a bounce to your step as you made your way through one of countless identical hallways with freedom on your mind. One painting after another passed by. You halted, your hair standing on end at once when your eyes skimmed over a detail on the wall by chance. Crimson glowed from the irises in a noble’s portrait. Letting out a breath, you put a hand over your chest and scowled at Alucard.

The eyes curled with laughter. “You are becoming quite adept at seeking out my presence.” The shadows peeled from the painting and the towering vampire stepped out to stare down at you. “You cannot escape from me. I will always find you wherever you go.” He announced with a self-assured expression.

“I wasn’t even running this time,” you replied with an indignant shrug and tugged the straps to your bag higher over your shoulders. “I already have plans today. Find something else to do with yourself that doesn't involve bothering me.” There was a glint in his eyes as that smirk grew wider.

Your brows twitched. “I don’t need an armed escort!”

He was following you down the hall, so you ignored him as you kept walking towards the foyer, now used to the way his smooth gait made him appear as if he was almost floating. When the infuriating vampire remained at your heel several paces later, you spun, bristling as you tried to shoo him off like a pest. “Must you follow me? I’ll be back soon and it’s daytime!” You asked him.

He caught your hands with a light touch and brought his face close to yours, softly rubbing circles on your palms with his thumbs.

“You are my responsibility,” he whispered.

It was Sir Integra’s command. Vermillion pinned you to the spot and you glared back, pressing your lips together until you broke eye contact first and stared at the carpeted floor. You were his.

Alucard had already decided to join his human on the day’s adventures despite your protests. And so you ended up going shopping with an ancient peacock who didn’t know how not to attract attention.

--------------------

Colourful displays lined both sides of the boulevard and people were queuing outside several of the most popular boutiques. The atmosphere was electric with the air buzzing with life and excited chatter. You would have shared in the high spirits of the strangers around you, if it weren’t for your flashy companion souring the mood.

You were an idiot. You spent so much time researching which specialty stores you wanted to visit, you made no alternate plans in case anyone from Hellsing decided to keep tabs on you. Worst of all, it had to be Alucard. There would actually be no issue if it was anyone but him. All you wanted to do was to buy him a gift! How could anyone so old be this clueless?!

The flamboyant vampire towered more than a foot over nearly every person around him and people were giving him space. The bright red of his fedora and trench coat screamed, but who were you trying to fool? Alucard would still stand out wearing anything else in each of his forms. It was in his nature for the curtains to be drawn for him on stage.

The problem was you didn’t appreciate the attention as people gawked at Alucard, even if you couldn’t deny that it was convenient to have the crowd part to make way for the pair of you coming through. You stewed as you tried to think up a way to get him to give you a few minutes alone, but every swoosh of his duster only exacerbated your ire. With his telepathy, he should know what you were up to, so any element of surprise was already ruined.

“I can scent your frustration,” he stated with his signature grin plastered to his face.

“Why yes. Ever since I became incarcerated at Hellsing, it’s been ‘go go go’ all day, everyday. And now on my only full day off in quite a while, I’m stuck with you. Can’t a lady get some privacy?” You railed to air your grievances.

“You are not a prisoner,” he murmured with a frown while gazing down at you. Unreadable golden pools swirled lazily behind tinted lenses.

You rolled your eyes and was about to remind him of all your lost privileges.

“You are not a prisoner,” he repeated with his eyes narrowed, “You are mine.”

You jolted, eyes widening before your mouth clamped shut. The vampire was so casual with throwing the assertion around, especially in public. Of course you knew it already. He told you multiple times before and frequently referred to you as ‘his human,’ ‘his Darling,’ or something to that effect.

Alucard’s gloved hand remained on the small of your back as he guided you through the throngs, feeling strangely comforted by the claim of possession. It was the same way as he would through the manor, particularly on nights you were feeling intensely uncertain about your place at Hellsing, he would proudly let the world know you were with him.

You wanted to melt into the ground at the thought that being Alucard’s was merely a euphemism for being his prisoner.

Lifting your eyes as you noted the cross-section and stalled, the background noise of the crowd disappeared as you became the only two people in the world. The people flowed around you. You fidgeted from foot to foot as you looked back up at your vampire.

“We’re here,” you mumbled.

Alucard’s gaze snapped from you to the storefront. A chocolate store?

“It was meant to be a surprise.” You muttered with a deflated pout. It really wasn’t that big of a deal for Alucard to accompany your outing, but you wanted to keep the small components under wraps until you were ready to present them together.

When you looked back up, your view was obscured by a huge white palm. Alucard’s hand landed on your head and he ruffled your hair. His expression was warm. “I will wait here,” he said.

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You made relatively quick work of shopping inside, though you had a blast conversing with the owner and choosing the chocolates for your……boyfriend…

Your choices were loaded with coffee and alcohol-infused truffles. Alucard seemed the sort to enjoy the various champagne, whiskey, and espresso flavours.

Making your way through the patterned glass exit with the fancy bag filled with premium confections, waves of irritation washed over you upon seeing several young women making eyes at Alucard from a short distance. Luckily for them, they weren’t daring enough to approach the strange man. You pushed the feeling down and went up to him, whose gaze was already fixed on you before you opened the door.

“Little one, shall we depart to your next destination? The sun is rather fatiguing.” He greeted you with a grin as you took his arm.

“I apologize for keeping you past your bedtime. I told you to stay home,” you scoffed while rolling your eyes. “Why don’t you act more like a vampire and stay out of the sun like Seras?”

The original vampire lifted a brow at you. “The police girl refuses to drink and as such, she has not yet become a true vampire.”

You peered up and let out an exasperated sigh, “Stop calling her that. It’s not nice! She has a name and you’re always too harsh with her.”

“I’m not nice.”

You snorted at the amused vampire as a teen on a hoverboard charged closer at speed until his eyes popped at the sight of the crimson giant ahead, swerving to avoid Alucard and nearly crashing to the side. Expletives were hurled his way by other pedestrians as you and your vampire left the scene without a second glance.

“Little human, you referred to Hellsing as ‘home.’”

“I did…” You tilted your head with puzzlement, not even noticing when the word slipped as you were conversing. When did you start thinking of that place as such when the lifestyle there remained so foreign? You glanced up to study your lover’s face.

Alucard purred softly, the image of satisfaction. Up against him, only you would feel the vibrations of the rumble. "If you were my fledgling, I would not hesitate to feed you. We would have an eternity for me to teach you the ways of our kind."

There was heat in his eyes and you quickly looked away, so flustered your eyes darted everywhere except back at him. You weren’t prepared for ruminating such prospects nor this discussion again. Your companion chuckled at your reaction as he led you through a quieter street.

People meandered leisurely, stopping to point at the latest statement releases of the season. You ambled along awkwardly, caught up in the reveries of your own life for some distance until something in a display caught your eyes. Oh! Your interest had been piqued for months; you even spent hours on researching the specs and other alternatives to this product. You turned your head to stare at it as you passed.

Alucard stopped.

You barely noticed him as your eyes watered at the price until he was slipping away and heading to the entrance.

“Wait! No!” Grabbing onto his wrists, you tried to yank him away from behind. “It’s way too expensive for what it is!”

He took another step forward, dragging you with him, so you raced around to his front to block his approach.

“If you desire this item, I shall purchase it for you.”

“Alucard, stop! I really don’t need it!” Money was no object to the eldritch terror, but you put your hands to his chest and applied pressure to try nudging him away, to no avail. Several couples who were close slowed to observe the spectacle. A young woman tittered at what she undoubtedly thought was a cute exchange between a dark, dashing stranger and his romantic interest.

“Sweet, you should seize the things you desire, but if you are unwilling, I shall, as my offerings to you.”

Seize–

Your eyes bugged and you giggled sheepishly at the Medieval man in front of you. You pushed at his chest to try steering him away again with a big smile. Alucard’s brows furrowed.

“Something is amusing?”

You bursted out laughing, but attempted to maintain some decorum, not wanting to cause any more of a scene than you already were.

You whispered so only he heard you. “Alucard, you’re so silly! Sometimes people browse stuff only because the idea of those material goods bring them some joy, not because we actually want or need them. Have you forgotten what it is like to be human? It seems you have a lot to remember about human emotions.” Still snickering lightly, you tugged the large vampire down to lay a peck to his forehead.

You beamed at Alucard before running ahead to the next store, leaving him behind with a stunned expression.

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You had the wine and the chocolate. And Alucard suggested a much better destination to enjoy them together than your original idea of having them in his dungeon with just the two of you, though you had to make a detour to pick up plastic wine cups.

The rambling hills of Hampstead Heath rolled in tumbling waves over hundreds of acres that embraced ponds and woodlands. You passed the drive leading to the historic grounds of the Kenwood Estate. As beautiful as the building was, the idea was to escape from British mansions for the day.

Dense reeds swayed in coordination with the wind, thick and with the likeness of a woman batting her lashes at a lover. Waterfowl were returning to the ponds and the occasional nature photographer stopped to capture these winged marvels. Alucard took you through trails down the east end of the enormous park, sticking close to the ponds until you reached a clearing, and suddenly, the tranquil stroll through nature exploded with life.

It had been years since you last sat at this lovely hilltop viewpoint overlooking London’s skyline. Couples abounded in every direction. It seemed romance was in the air this mild, sunny day. Some younger pairs frolicked in a merry gambol while others sat together head on shoulder to enjoy the spectacular view. It was so warm there were even families picnicking.

Yes, this was superior to that dingy basement.

Nostalgia hit you hard as you took in the views of home. You used to live in that neighbourhood roughly over there. Day in and day out, you’d make your commute between work and home. And Alucard used to chase you around that area, though most of it was hidden from this vantagepoint. Turning to your lover, you found him lost in thought as well as he gazed into the distance, recalling a past brimming with events unknown to you.

The midnight essence of his locks billowed gently with the breeze. He was so pale. Despite his conviction about hating the sun, once again, the light casted his arresting features with a divine glow. Like a fallen angel, or something even holier.

From out of the blue, the hilarious image of Alucard as Cupid bubbled up. He was a lanky deity draped in loose robes, wielding a bow and shooting arrows at random pairs of people for his entertainment. That they would fall in love was merely an accidental by-product of his fun. You squashed the ridiculous idea hopefully before Alucard saw it too, but let out a chortle. God of Love? Him? Who were you kidding? Your vampire’s gaze slid sideways to you with a slight fanged smile before he turned his attention back to the cityscape.

The mellow warmth of the unseasonal weather gave you comfort. You came to the realization your previous qualms about the obstacles of being with Alucard were fading. Like leftover winter sludge melting away with the balminess of spring, replaced by your gentle, simmering affection for the vampire. Spring will arrive early, and the barren trees will likely come into bud soon as the season of new beginnings comes into being.

As always, Alucard grounded you too. Watching him stand alone, all of your doubt suddenly went away somehow. You were getting used to the late nights, early mornings, and the smarting bruises from physical training. It wasn’t awful at Hellsing as long as you had him.

You opted to forego Alucard’s old-fashioned way of taking his offered arm and laced your fingers with his instead. Putting your other hand over the back of Alucard’s, you exhaled. “You probably already knew of all my plans since you spoiled the surprise yourself by poking around in my head.”

You chose a grassy spot where the hill swelled higher to sit and your vampire joined you, throwing his spidery legs straight out as he leaned back on his hands.

“I know of the saint.” He glanced over. “Such an inane occasion.” To need the excuse of some saint’s legacy from over a millennium ago in order to celebrate one’s lover was indeed absurd.

The corners of your lips lifted. “Have you never celebrated Valentine’s before, Alucard?”

“Time spent with you is already the greatest gift.”

His stare was intense and your expression softened, your chest tightening at the sincerity of your lover’s statement, no longer feeling like being a brat. Time was indeed your limiting factor. You met halfway and kissed him with an extended, delicate touch to show him you felt the same way and he nuzzled you, as he usually did.

Yours.

“Feed me,” he murmured as you parted with a soft, dreamy look. This again. You rolled your eyes at his demand, but complied.

After letting the vampire open his gift himself, you went with a champagne truffle to start –to commemorate the occasion, but also everything that transpired between you. How far you’d come from where you began.

You sucked in a breath as the cold muscle of Alucard’s tongue slipped around your finger after he took the treat. He licked the melting chocolate off your fingertips with a deep rumble.

“We’re in public!” You gasped and ripped your hand away as he lapped at his lips with a satisfied grin. He sniffed the air.

“Scotch next,” he said.

“Only if you’ll stop being a creep!”

The vampire chuckled as he helped open the red wine. He turned the bottle over to read the label before decanting into the plastic cups. “Ah –an excellent choice.” He eyed the box as you referred to the legend to find his choice of scotch truffle. Not everyone could simply sniff out what was what from several feet away.

You offered the next piece and he bit into it while holding your gaze. Not bothered by his antics this time, you tossed the other half in your own mouth and savoured the flavours melting into your tongue. Swirling your glass, you took a sip of wine when the chocolate passed, pleased to find the flavours went well together.

Beside you, Alucard sampled his own glass and let out a contented moan. You shimmied closer to rest your head on his shoulder in imitation of the other couples around you and peeked up at him again with a tiny smile. It really was pleasant to see him this relaxed and carefree.

He fed you a strawberry truffle, leaving his index finger on your lips while you chewed, only to stroke your bottom lip after you swallowed. You broke physical contact first, sure the two of you were the subjects of greater scrutiny to whoever watched you long enough.

“This is why I can’t be in public with you!”

Your companion’s face broke into a wicked smirk. “Still heeding what others may think?”

“If you’d be normal, I wouldn’t have this issue. Not everyone enjoys being at the centre of attention.”

Alucard’s eyes narrowed into slits, though the smile now split his face in half. He was up to something and you were worried to find out what.

He stood abruptly and extended a hand to you, which you hesitantly took with a suspicious side-eye as he lifted you to your feet and you dusted off imaginary dirt from your bottom.

“Would my lady care for a dance?” The hypnotic timbre to his voice distracted you from the question.

Your mouth fell open when it dawned after a moment. You just told him! Centre of attention!

A busker was playing the cello in the park, the sweet melody carrying far into the distance. You knew all the lyrics to this song’s instrumental version.

The vampire guided your left hand to his outer arm to form a closed hold, a playful glint in his scarlet gaze. “H-here? I can’t–” you protested.

He was already moving. It was as if he pushed you along for the first few steps and you faltered, still reeling from the turn of events, but the vampire held you steady. Stand up straight, support your own weight, maintain muscle tone. Keep your weight at the front of your feet. The ballroom teachings from a lifetime ago whispered from memory.

Alucard was an experienced dancer. He led you expertly with fluid motions, drawing you in and nudging you away with clear signals that made it easy to follow. You felt the connection between your bodies. You twirled when he lifted your arm in an arc, spun into his arm backwards when he willed it. You stepped in time to the same rhythm as the background faded.

One step closer.

The chords sang out harmonious and clear. He was speeding up. Gradually, you danced faster and faster, waltzing to the beat in Alucard’s mind, a whirlwind of feet and swirling trench coats under the afternoon sun. You stepped backwards quickly as he rushed forward boldly, all your attention given to him for you to keep up. As was his attention dedicated to you.

Never once did he step on you, one of his feet was offset precisely between yours whenever he brought you flush with him. Never once did he look away from you or let you lose your balance. Who would have expected this wild beauty to be able to take his battle finesse and flow like water transformed by music?

Only you and him existed in the world, the colours and promises of a future together swelling your chest with joy that was at last blooming from a once dormant seed, one that only began to sprout in recent times. Despite his annoying quirks, you could envision a lifetime with this man. The idyllic routine of late was not so bad.

The song was nearing its end. The vampire picked you off the ground by the legs, the other hand around your back and spun with you cradled in his arms effortlessly. Your shit-eating grin matched your lover’s.

You finished your dance with one last spin and you curtsied to the audience that gathered. Your heart beat fast as you laughed and jumped at Alucard, throwing your arms around his neck and pulling him in for another kiss.

Please don’t let this end. You lost your reservations with the exhilaration, pressing your lips harder against the cool flesh and taking the time to breathe him in as the surroundings returned.

Looking around, you heard cheers, whooping, and clapping for your performance as you caught your breath. That was so surreal, but it was actually a lot of fun.

The music of your laughter chimed in Alucard’s ears and mind, clear as a ringing bell and pure and indulgent. It was your jubilation in his chest, the innocent joy at being with him. There was a warm fuzzy feeling that flared as you caught his gaze again. Cupping the back of your head, his gaze grew tender and he leaned over to make doling out your affection on him easier on you. Your excitement wafted off your skin. His bangs formed a veil as he pressed your foreheads together and committed this moment to memory.

You were simply too precious for this world.

~To Be Continued~

Next Chapter- True Bravery

Notes:

The material goods Alucard uses are all luxury when it comes to weaponry, costing millions of pounds and a sizable dent in Integra’s budget. But Alucard can also be a minimalist and existed in less than Spartan conditions in the Hellsing basement before Reader. When it comes to his Reader, I think all Alucard would want is her time, touch, and her attention. He doesn’t need expensive gifts from her and would be displeased if she went out of her way to get something exorbitant for him. I actually wanted her to take Alucard to see a Broadway musical for a date, but writing a chapter following a live show’s plot and their interactions was too large of a task.

Reader is finally understanding Alucard's point whenever he declares that she is his and how it’s not a bad thing. It’s not merely a statement of possession, but also a promise.

Please read: Is anyone interested in reading some Vladcard bondage smut? I was staring at a pic of him and then BOOM! Horny! A potential Interlude 3 is brewing. Let me know either in the comments or on my poll to vote anonymously for a few more days. If this isn’t sexy, I’ll just keep my fantasy to myself, let it run wild, and continue with the storyline.

The above fanart is among my favourite images of Alucard that exists. It was created by the incredibly talented ケースワベ【K-SUWABE】 on Twitter (X). Thought it was perfect for the contents of this chapter.

#alucard x reader #alucard x you #alucard hellsing #alucard fanfiction #alucard #hellsing ultimate #my comfort vampire #vampire boyfriend #happy valentines

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crookedkryptonitebeliever · 2 months

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Omg ok so I was reading a yves fic about him being a parent and how bad he would be, and that gave me an idea, like imagine if yves was in charge of babysitting the kid for the day, because reader knows how yves feels about the kid, sure he doesn’t out right say it but a mother knows, so for the first three or so months of the baby’s life reader has been the one to watch over it, but reader really wanted to just get out and have some alone time, so yves was supposed to babysit for the day, and when I mean babysit yves is really just staring at the baby, like he’s just staring at it with hate filled eyes, so when reader came home an hour early yves was caught be surprise (he lost track of time thinking about how annoying and pathetic the baby was, that he forgot to check the farmers and trackers) and reader was PISSED, like reader went through the whole pregnancy knowing that yves didn’t want to keep it deep down, and has basically been the only person taking care of the baby, so when reader went out ONE time for like four hours max, only to find yves glaring at the poor baby as it’s crying it’s eyes out, so reader just grabs the baby and some essentials and just leaves without saying a single word, and if yves tries to talk to them reader just like 😐 no words, and if he tries to physically stop reader their like 👊👊 and I can imagine how strong mama reader is protecting their baby, and with no place in mind reader just so happens to drive all the way to a small cabin the the woods, which just so happens belong to Montgomery. (Ignore the last part if you want i know Montgomery isn’t really a fan favorite lol).

There is a common misconception that Yves despises his children and wishes the maximum amount of pain on them. But actually, he just values them very little.

You would have an idea on what his opinion is on your child, but he is still present and so experienced, he knew everything there is to know about the baby. He knows when they're hungry, tired or why they're crying. Yves wouldn't necessarily let you take care of it alone, remember, he actually can go without sleeping.

He would still be very careful, more so especially there's that bundle of misery in his arms. It would stop crying when you hold it because it's finding you comfortable, but it would also stop wailing in Yves's hold because the baby is afraid. Something about Yves just triggers that primal fear in it, already knowing not to make a peep as a survival tactic.

Yves wouldn't be careless to be consumed by his hatred of the baby, because there isn't really much of it; it's mostly apathy that most people perceive as animosity. He simply sees it as an object, a tool. Yves doesn't see it as human but more akin to a computer, or more degradingly, a spoon. If the 'spoon' isn't serving its purpose (i.e., containing fluids or solids), Yves would fix it by hammering it into shape, not caring about its feelings or health.

The child is here to make you happy (From a young age, he will drill it in their head to worship you), to not make him embarrassed (Hence the rigorous training to make the 'perfect' child) and as a cautionary tale, to discourage them to reproduce.

He wouldn't just stare at it with hate-filled eyes for no reason, it's usually to teach from a young age that such an "overreaction" is unacceptable if the child wants anything. There wouldn't be any 'hate', just annoyance and boredom, it's just another tedious chore for him. If it was particularly energetic and difficult that day, he would have drugged them. But not so much that there are lasting physical health effects, only mental.

Then again, instead of just watching it while the baby cries until it turns blue, it is much more efficient for him to just chuck it into a sensory deprivation chamber. The goal is just to stop them from making so much noise, or to teach that it will only be taken care of when it's silent and unmoving.

So in short, Yves would never be caught lacking in this department. Sure, the vibes would be off when he kisses its head and sings its lullabies about loving parents no matter what. But he is very careful in hiding his abuse.

He wouldn't want anyone to ruin his tool.

But on the other side,

Montgomery loves kids, he would love a big happy family. He would be the type to let his daughters paint his nails, put makeup on him, and dress him up like a buff, scarred princess. He would be present in his sons's lives as well, taking them fishing, playing football, and attending all their special events.

Montgomery would always trade any and every second of his free time to be with his kids and spouse. His unwinding is coming back to a huge, noisy family, playing with the children and doting on his partner.

He would be surprisingly supportive if any of his children comes out as queer, of course, he would tone down the bigotry and apologize for his previous views on life. Even when they're young, he wouldn't necessarily bar his girls from doing 'manly' stuff and his boys from doing 'sissy' things. He just wants the family together.

However, once you have children with him, you could kiss private dates goodbye. Because he would want to bring all eight of his children everywhere, to the restaurant, to the park, to the cinemas, to your workplace for a visit, to the grocery store, on a flight to Hawaii; no one gets to feel left out.

If one falls sick and couldn't come, no one gets to go on that trip. It does piss his children off, but he is fair, so they would just seal their lips shut and take care of their ill sibling.

All of them would get adequate hugs and kisses from youth, and maybe some of them would be 'out-touched' and reject their father's affection, which would hurt him greatly and you would need to console him. Some may think he's overbearing, especially when he wants everyone to be together at least once a day for dinner, weekly game nights, and daily deep talks about life. He has a notebook that Montgomery would write about his children's drama in school, who are the mean girls and the jocks, who are their teachers, and who their crushes are, concerns about puberty, respective secrets and confusing feelings of teenagehood.

He has to secure it safely though, because some of his kids would try to steal it and be nosy. Maybe to use it as blackmail towards their siblings into doing something they didn't want to. However, his children know their father means well, he grew up in a family that couldn't give two shits about him- he just wanted to do better and be the present parent he always wanted.

Just like how he would do to you, he would spoil his children to death. You would have to handle the discipline side of things because it would shatter his fragile little heart to say no to those squirts. But there is one thing that he wouldn't tolerate, which is bullying or being disrespectful to you. He would put his foot down if he knew those little tykes were teasing other kids about their appearances or circumstances. And when he's angry, it isn't pretty.

His expectations of them are not too high in terms of academics, as long as they're not failing classes, he's happy. A child could get a 50/100 on a science test and he would throw a massive celebratory party for them, all the other siblings would be happy too because they all get gifts and delicious cake.

However, would ensure all of them know how to run a farm and be self-sufficient. All of them would know how to hunt and fight, doing 200 pushups in one go is no big deal to them and they would grow up extremely fit.

All the kids will love you, pampering you on special holidays such as Valentine's day, father/mothers day and birthdays. You would have breakfast in bed, they will give you massages and share their individual essays as to why they love you. It has to be unique each year.

When they're older, it would turn into a friendly competition. Whoever showed their love in the most creative way gets bragging rights, maybe you would receive a painted portrait, a song dedicated to you, a movie or even a homemade electronic tablet if they happen to grow up smart and techy.

He would be the type to ugly-cry if any of them goes to college, even though they would have to visit every weekend. Montgomery would want regular video calls between them and the family every night.

When it comes to partners, Montgomery would welcome them into the family with open arms. As long as they're not bad for them and he wouldn't need to bring out his shot gun, then a friend of theirs is a friend of Montgomery.

He would be a very loving father that can be too much sometimes. However, he makes sure that his kids know they are loved no matter what, his love is purely unconditional for them and he would always be the first one to dial their number- he doesn't like that "the phone works both ways" nonsense, he thinks its the parents' responsibility to maintain the bonds no matter how old the children are.

He makes sure they know that they can always come home when time gets rough.

#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere oc #yandere male #oc yves #yandere concept #tw yandere #yandere x you #yandere oc x reader #male yandere oc x reader #oc Montgomery

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cui-nisi · 3 months

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Leon Kennedy x Black Reader (Headcanon)

•Notes•

Pairing: RE4 Leon Kennedy x Black Reader

Genre: smut, fluff, headcanon

Summary: A few headcanons of what it would be like dating Leon Kennedy.

Warnings: smut at the end but it’s nothing too graphic, pet names (‘baby’, ‘love’)

Word count: 1.7k

A/N: This is my first headcanon so sorry if it’s shitty but I hope you enjoy it regardless! Also the first section for the headcanon was written more as an intro to set everything up!

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩ ✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩ ✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩ ✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°

⟡⋆.˚❀⋆.˚ ⟡⋆.˚❀⋆.˚⟡ First Meeting ⟡⋆.˚❀⋆.˚❀⋆.˚⟡ ⟡⋆.˚

When Leon was first assigned to train you, the newest recruit brought onto the Division of Security Operations, he could only bite back a curse word from slipping past his lips and nod towards his superior, accepting his assignment no matter how begrudgingly. He didn’t have time to train newbies, he had his own shit going on which he proceeded to comb through on his way to see you.

However, all his internal grumbling fell to a muted hush when he entered the training room. His eyes fell on you and while they narrowed into an assessing squint, inside he felt his heart pound against his chest as his eyes flickered over your body, briefly lingering on your curves before clearing his gaze. He didn’t know it then but he was fascinated with you from day one.

Leon could be a pain in the ass when it came to training, putting too much emphasis on the minute details and leaving all his trainees burned out by the end of the week. But with you, it was different. Whenever Leon became too overbearing, rather than taking it you’d quip back at Leon, taking him by surprise with your sharp tongue despite your mostly unassuming nature.

Leon couldn’t help but feel heat wash through him whenever you retorted against his commands, how your pretty eyes flared with a mixture of passion and determination whenever you spoke. If Leon looked close enough, just beyond the surface of your alluring gaze, he could see a silent defying challenge in your eyes, a challenge that Leon found himself more and more eager to fulfill as the days turned into weeks…

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊‧⁺˖ Symptoms of a Crush ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊‧

As stoic and hardened as Leon had become over the years, the moment you entered his life it was almost as if the time he had spent crafting a meticulous wall around his emotions meant nothing as his heart would crash against his chest whenever you smiled at him or caught his gaze that seemed to be permanently locked on you.

During meetings, Leon makes a habit of getting there early, always saving a seat for you beside him with a steaming cup of coffee waiting for you.

Normally, Leon is usually able to remain focused during meetings, the longer the better. But now with you sitting so close to him, every meeting seemingly begins to test his self-restraint.

He subtly tries to move closer to you to take in more of your sweet perfume, if the meeting drags on he’ll let his hand trace random patterns over any exposed skin he can reach. Whether that be your hand, arm, palm, or knee– as long as Leon can feel the warmth of your brown skin underneath his fingertips he’s content.One day after training, Leon invites you out to a favorite bar of his, wanting to spend more time with you without divulging how much he craves your attention. This became a habit for you two, and soon you guys were going out for lunches and dinners after work on the regular.

Practically everyone at the agency knows that you and Leon are damn near a full-fledged couple.

Leon simply rolls his eyes whenever his co-workers chide him for taking so long to officially ask you out, giving them the same answer: “It’s none of your business.” And that pretty much shuts down any further conversation on the topic.

Leon doesn’t like to share. He hates sharing your attention with anything or anyone else. He also hates anyone prying into your relationship. He felt that what you two had going needed its time and space to cultivate into something more and he didn’t need his nosy-ass co-workers butting in to ruin the delicate intimacy that was building between you and him.

Leon loves to watch you train. He loves observing how your soft curves can carry such deadly velocity and force. The disparity between how he viewed you and how you trained were two stark comparisons but it only added to your attractiveness as Leon found himself having to shade the tent at the front of his pants more often than he’d like.

˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗ The Relationship ˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗

Leon, while difficult, managed to keep most of his affections and desires for you at bay. But when you agreed to be his girlfriend on one of your late-night hangouts, he couldn’t care less about his image and prioritizing professionalism. He had you now and that’s all he cared about.

He showers you with love and affection, taking you out on mini lunch dates when both of your schedules align.

When at work, Leon does his best to remain professional when around others, not wanting to display your relationship to everyone. He gets antsy, however, when he’s next to you and can’t touch you due to the nature of your working relationship. That doesn’t stop him from grasping your hand whenever he can, letting his thumb brush small comforting circles over your hand.

Leon loves staring at you, especially when your side profile when you’re focusing on something. He likes the way your eyebrows furrow and eyes glint with determination.

It’s no surprise that Leon is protective of you. The nature of his career was built around protecting people so when it came down to protecting the ones he cared about, he could be a bit overbearing.

He helps you take out your braids or weave if you wear them. At first, he wasn’t too sure how to properly assist, not wanting to pull or damage your hair. But he still wanted to help and so after asking you a few questions and taking out a few braids, he quickly got the hang of things and now regularly asks to help with your hair whenever you change up your hairstyle.

He always makes you text him whenever you’re going out, wanting to make sure that you arrive at your destinations on time. If you forget to text him, he’ll check your location before calling you to make sure that you’re okay.

Anytime Leon leaves for a longer mission he makes sure to lavish you in love and affection, growing more affectionate and touchy when he knows he’ll have to leave you.

Waking up in the morning is Leon’s favorite part of the day, it gives him time to admire your face unabashedly. He loves to trace his callused finger gently along the surface of your skin, lightly tracing your jawline and cheeks while trying to not wake you.

Whenever Leon comes back from long missions, you make it your job to shower him with comfort and affection. Those nights usually consist of lacy lingerie, scattered candles, and a very satisfied Leon.

Leon is a big cuddler despite what others may think. He loves using his larger frame to encapsulate you in his embrace, tugging you close to him while he takes in the scent of your hair, his head nuzzling into the crook of your neck.

Gives you hugs from behind, his heavy arms wrapping around your waist and tugging you against his chest while his head hovers over your shoulders.

Leon can never say no to you. He could be working in his home office, filing away documents, and sending in mission reports only to stop when you walk in, your touch distracting him in the best way. He’ll always put on the facade of resistance, “Babe, I’m working…” but that sentiment doesn’t stand a chance when put up against the pleading look you always give him in response that always makes him fold, pulling you down on top of him and pressing his lips against yours.

.𖥔 ݁ ˖𖦹⭒°｡⋆ .𖥔 ݁ ˖𖦹⭒°｡⋆ NSFW .𖥔 ݁ ˖𖦹⭒°｡⋆ .𖥔 ݁ ˖𖦹⭒°｡⋆

Leon loves eye contact. Whenever his toned body hovers over yours he can’t help but stare into your eyes. He loves watching how your face contorts in pleasure with his every thrust, enjoying the low whimpers that escape you when he pulls out only to be greeted by the satisfying moans that escape you when he plunges back inside you.

He loves how vocal you are, he likes hearing how good he’s making you feel. If you try to keep quiet he’ll simply smirk in amusement before fucking you senseless into the covers, pleasuring you to an agonizing degree until he hears you crying out for his name.

જ⁀➴ “That’s it, baby… let it out for me. Let me hear those pretty moans.”

Leon loves it when you give him head, but he’ll never ask for it.

He’ll always prioritize your pleasure, always making you cum first before him.

Leon enjoys talking you through your orgasms, especially when you ride him.

જ⁀➴ “Take it slow, love. Don’t rush yourself…”

He loves it when you give him massages, feeling your warm palms glide along the contours of his tense body never failed to get a reaction out of him, the towel covering his lower half not doing much to hide his erection, not that he wanted to hide it from you.

Touching your body is Leon’s favorite pastime. On the couch his hand usually rests over your shoulder, tucking you against him. When in public he holds you by the waist, letting everyone know that you are his.

When he’s drunk, his usual self-restraint weakens which allows his hands to roam over the curves of your soft brown skin. In those instances, he couldn’t give a damn who was around, letting his hands trail up your thighs or brush over your breasts while his lips brush against the side of your neck, his low raspy voice murmuring sweet licentious words into your ear.

If Leon is sitting somewhere, he’ll always reach out to gently grasp your waist, pulling you onto his lap so he can pepper your face with teasing kisses.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ ⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ ⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ ⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ ⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ ⋆.˚ .𖥔˚

Overall, Leon is completely in love with you. He’s a devoted and loyal lover who will always prioritize your comfort and safety over everything. He shows his love to you through physical touch and acts of service, jumping at any chance he could take to help you if it would bring a smile to your face.

*“You know I’d do anything for you right, babe? All you have to do is ask and I’ll do it for you.”* ―୨୧⋆ ˚

#leon x reader #re4 leon #leon smut #leon s kennedy #headcanon #black reader #leon x y/n #leon kennedy #re4make #re4 x reader #re4 #re4 smut #re4 remake

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historia-vitae-magistras · 3 months

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I don't think you've ever gone into much detail on the relationships between Alfred and Zee/Jack. Does he care about them or is it more like an an adult sibling in their 30s suddenly having siblings that are in their teens? Nothing in common and generally don't really speak to each other or feel like they're really related at all. Just some other people that his father calls his children that he couldn't care less about?

It's really not very sibling but it's kind of distantly familial. But mostly they interact as friends. Zee has been very sceptical about Alfred pretty much from the get-go. She met him probably in the early Victorian Era and Alfred interpreted her clinging to Uncle Rhys as shyness, but she was low-key cranky and not having it. It's not that she doesn't like him, because she does. Alfred's impossible not to like especially when he's being genuine. But she's not sure she trusts him. He's ambitious and cunning in that bible salesman kind of way.

But he also has had some moments where he recognizes how Europe rejects both of them for being very obviously on the edge of European hegemony. They might ride a lot of human context of whiteness but empire is a very fucked up cosmopolitan thing so "neither you nor I are entirely European. We're western states but never going to completely European and there will always be a barrier there. Don't bother with them, I've already tried and pushed our limits." made for some surprising commonality with them. He's also had his head in her lap hallucinating and begging for Matt, death or Dad when he was low-key dying of malaria or dengue in the South Pacific. She also, perhaps ironically given their power differences, has given him the biggest fuck you anyone ever has by banning his ships from her ports while not only not escaping punishment but still entirely benefiting from the American security apparatus. He saves the majority of his emotional attachment for Matt but they can have a beer and go surfing without major incident. He certainly trusts her more than she trusts him but like it's just more solid than intimate.

Jack's relationship with Alfred is both more and less fraught. Mostly because of gender. Zee has it harder in a lot of ways being afab and feminine presenting most of the time but that's also made her less concerned about masculinity. Especially the sword clashing virility-as-nationalism they came of age in. The stolid, stoic, takes-his-lashes-silently ideal of British manhood that Jack does not suit. He looks at Arthur and he looks at Matt and he doesn't want to be them. His father's rage, Matthew's senseless martyrdom. He wants that respect, the warriors right to respect as it is. But he looks across the Pacific in the late 19th century and early 20th and Alfred is bright, forward-looking friendly and progressive. He has a navy. He has respect. He has a battle scars waged in the name of glamorous things like freedom and democracy and equality. That's an example of masculinity he likes. Alfred standing on the flag ship's prow, at the head of the Great White Fleet announcing him as the next great power kind of beat Jack over the head with a 'oh I'm a baby I need to grow up and get a navy and be a man and earn respect.' And he does pursue those goals and something of Alfred's version of great power projection. But its also not long before Alfred scares the shit out of him too. The costs of his father' ambitions have always been visible but when Alfred's are revealed to Jack they're shocking and frightening. He doesn't want to be his father and he doesn't want to be Alfred. But sometimes, the blunt imperialism of his father is a little easier to handle than the way Alfred operates as an empire of militant idealism. So while he and Alfred appear to get along very well on the surface, and work together very well while they're at it, there's very fundamental differences to who they are and that keeps them friends, not family.

#the ask box || probis pateo #im just publishing like 6 weeks of drafts lmaooo sorry #Pacific Siblings || freedom and fairness

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adora-but-ginger · 4 months

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Oh, the Wildflowers

pairing: joel miller x gender neutral!reader

summary: you and joel have been friends since the QZ. a bouquet of flowers just might change that.

word count: ~1.4k

warnings: fluff fluff fluFF FLUFF. two idiots in love who are a little afraid to cross the line from friends to something more, no y/n used, i think that's all!

masterlist

a/n: this is my gift for @amongtlou, I was your secret santa and i hope you have a happy holidays! in the prompt you mentioned imagine dragons, so i took a look at their albums and the cover art of origins caught my attention--it inspired the fic! this was so fun to do, i hope you enjoy!! @pedrostories

credit to gif owner!

Joel was always a fan of the sunrise. Having to get up early for work before the apocalypse meant that he was able to spare a few minutes for himself. The coffee would brew and he would sit in his favorite chair, the one right by the window, watching the sky erupt with colors that felt like a piece of museum-worthy art. He loved it most when the paintings on the canvas holding the clouds were a mix of oranges and pinks, the constant hope of the day welcoming him.

Then the world went to, well, hell.

It was a lot of ups and downs (mostly downs) and he lost a lot of who he was for a bit, but then you had the audacity to show up.

You showed up and turned his world around so fast it made him dizzy. He hadn't felt emotions such as these in years, hell, since before Sarah, but he refused to let them bloom. He had more on his plate than he could handle, he had to deliver Ellie to the fireflies, had to find his brother, had to--

"Hey Joel, look what Ellie and I found! They're for you, you old grump."

He shook his head as your voice snapped him out of his reminiscing. There you were, next to Ellie, who was holding out a mismatched small bouquet of wildflowers towards him. Purples and yellows made up the bulk of the DIY bouquet, spring reflecting in the variety present. He took them from Ellie, who muttered to "be careful" and that "they took a while to pick so he has to take good care of them."

His eyes found yours, almost shyly. Shyly? Where was this coming from? He had known you for years, having met through Tess and bonding over taking the same jobs in the QZ. It became a comfort to see you at a shift that he picked up, and he was surprised when he said yes to specifically grabbing shifts together when possible. You frequented his home, and you were over at his place the morning Tess came in bloody and bruised. You didn't know that that would be the last night you were in the Boston QZ, and you definitely didn't expect everything that followed.

It was weird for him to have you by his side at first, but soon he realized that you had become a true friend of his, something that he hadn't had in quite a while, besides Tess of course.

He had become quite fond of your presence, and he had warmed up to Ellie, though begrudgingly.

You two had each other's backs, through thick and thin. You knew everything about him now, and him you, which is why he was positively stumped as to why he was getting shy around you right now.

"Earth to Joel?" A little snort caught the end of your sentence, a smile on your face.

He blinked a few times, clearing his throat. What was up with him today?

"This was really kind of you guys, uh, thank you." He took a finger, running it across the petals of a particularly astonishing yellow one. "I have never received flowers before."

And dare he say, a small smile formed on his face.

Ellie's eyes were wide with a grin adorning hers, elbowing you repeatedly in the side as she laughed. "Look at that, we got him all flustered!"

Your shoulders sometimes shook when you laughed, and that was exactly what was happening now. Your eyes closed, slightly leaning back as your amusement rang through you. The evening was making its entrance, golden lights raining down onto the Wyoming countryside in the same way that snow fell, and you looked like you from a dream, one that he would never want to wake up from. One that he would have to grasp, and write down the moment he awoke so that he remembered it.

Locking eyes, your smile settled as you spoke in an unspoken language. Silence wrapped around you three like a soft blanket, the songs of the birds filling the air in the meantime. It was a moment where time slowed, and something changed in the air between you two. If he tried enough he could place the feeling, but that scared him, so instead he just breathed in the fresh spring air, speaking his thoughts without saying a word.

That moment lasted quite the while. Eventually, you spoke up.

"Ellie?" You chirped.

"Yeah, what's up?"

"Can you give us a minute? Joel and I need to...talk for a second."

"Huh? about--"

"Ellie." Joel chided, not so much in an annoyed tone but more so in a tone that a parent would express to their child.

She raised he hands up in surrender. "Geez, I'm going Mr. heart eyes. You haven't blinked in like a minute. It's weird man." She walked away after that, giving the two of you some space.

All the while, your eyes remained ensnared by the other's.

"She was really excited to give those to you. It took her nearly a half an hour."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

He dared a step closer to you, hoping that whatever it was that changed wasn't one-sided. "And did you pick any? It's quite the bunch of flowers."

"In fact, I did." You took a step towards him as well, the distance between you slowly but surely becoming less and less. A warm gust of air brushed past him, and with the next step he took he closed most of the remaining distance. "You see that one right there? The purple one?" You lightly touched the flower of your discussion, a lovely bell-shaped violet blossom.

"It's called a Prairie Bluebell, and there's actually a little secret to it."

His mind was going a mile a minute, a mixture of don't you dare mess this up Joel and they're just a friend, right? playing through his head. But he wanted more, and he suspected his suspicions were right.

"Oh yeah, and what's that?" He tried to add a little bit of a deeper tone to his voice, hoping it didn't make him sound like an idiot.

"Well--" Your face was close to his now, and you briefly looked down at the flower. "--It's said that if you're able to turn a Prairie Bluebell inside-out without tearing it, you'll win the one you love." A tiny smile accompanied the tail of your sentence, and both of you looked at each other, then back down at the flower.

Sure enough, it was exactly as you said, turned perfectly inside-out. He didn't know how you did it, but there it was.

He looked to your lips then. "Would you look at that. Anyone catch your fancy as of recent?" That smile of yours grew with his words.

"Oh, I've got my eyes on someone, but he and I are just friends." You started to lean in.

"He must be real lucky then. I'm sure if it's who I have in mind, he doesn't think you're just friends." He could feel the breath of your lips. "Is this okay?"

"Joel, it's much more than okay." Without another word, your lips collided. It was like water that rushed onto the beach, spontaneous and lovely. A perfect match, like wildflowers in the middle of Wyoming. And when you two broke away, a jovial laugh burst from the both of you. Maybe you were both losing it a little, but it was alright--you were together.

Your words were almost lost to the air, and if he hadn't been so close to you he might have missed it. "God, I love you."

He responded with another kiss, just as heartfelt as the previous time. "I don't think I just love you, I think I am utterly in love with you."

Your hand wrapped around the one holding the bouquet, giving it a squeeze. You both rested your foreheads on each other, breathing in the peace of this point in time.

The world may have been falling apart, but you weren't in it alone.

Joel woke up early that next morning. It was odd, these new emotions, but oh boy did he welcome them. The sun was just on the rise, and as he walked back out to that meadow, a plan became set in his head. The oranges and yellows of the sunrise painted the sky, welcoming the coming day in the hope of something new. You and him had slept next to each other, placing sleeping bags near as the stars provided comfort watching over you three.

And as you rose from sleep, the smell of breakfast cooking on the makeshift campfire filled your nose. Ellie was over there reading jokes to Joel, no doubt having asked what happened when she wandered off the previous night.

A smidge of purple caught your eye then and you looked over to his sleeping bag, lying partially open.

There, right in the middle, was a purple Prairie Bluebell, perfectly turned inside-out.

#joel miller x reader #pedrostoriesgift23 #pedrostories #joel miller fic #joel miller fluff #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us #oneshot #gn!reader #fluff

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hi-itsanniemarie · 9 months

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"Bella, however, was straight chamomile for your soul, warm and calming with just enough sweetness that always left you wanting a little bit more..."

Pairing: Bella x Reader (referred to as "You")

Word Count: 3600ish

Warnings: mild language, adult themes & fluffy thoughts :)

(Takes place during filming of TLoU2)

Your first two weeks on the job had been pretty inconsequential, which you desperately appreciated since it was your first time working in this particular setting. You had been working for the studio for a few years now, but, being on location and having a more hands on approach with a huge production was all new to you. When the email about the job found its way to your inbox, you knew that this was exactly the opportunity you had been waiting for. Ever since the world opened up again two years ago, you had been searching for something a bit more exciting. You were happy enough with your job but being the assistant to the assistant of some big wig in the legal department hadn't always been the most stimulating or rewarding. There was also the rather unimpressive matter of your love life. That had definitely been put on the backburner over the last couple of years, not that it ever truly had been on fire so to speak. So, since there was nothing holding you back, you had come to the conclusion that a new adventure and a fresh take on life was just the thing that would solve all your problems.

You were the first employee to reply to the inquiry and was quickly approved for the position. You figured there wasn't a lot of interest in leaving the warm and pleasant southern California winter for whatever awaited in Vancouver, but you knew it would be exactly what you needed, plus you got to buy cute new boots. The studio was loaning you out to help with the overwhelming scale of the show's production. You would be helping out the Assistant Director as basically a second, 2nd AD. You had to laugh, here you were trying to escape the whole helping out the assistant gig but you couldn't deny the change of scenery. The job itself wasn't very stressful which allowed you to fully adjust mentally. Your duties included handing out the next day's call sheets and shepherding the cast to and from set. This meant you got to drive a golf cart sometime if the location was far enough away from base camp and you couldn't lie, that made you feel pretty important.

So here you were, two weeks in and making some good professional connections. The crew had been very welcoming to you and you were a little surprised at how friendly and personable the cast had been right off the bat. You knew that people had the tendency to become like family on a set and you had heard about this particular group of cast and crew being extremely close, so it was really cool that everyone had opened their arms to you. Everyone always had something to say to you and you would reciprocate with generic friendly banter while escorting them at the start and end of the day.

You were mostly in charge of the principal cast as well as some of the supporting cast and extras. You were admittedly a bit nervous at meeting the "Big Three" but your nerves were quickly put to ease. Pedro and Gabriel would joke and ask you about your favorite movies and music and constantly kept you on your toes. It was nice to feel so included but they were like a double shot of espresso directly into your veins and their jovial whims were sometimes a lot to take in that early or late in the day. Bella, however, was straight camomille for your soul, warm and calming with just enough sweetness that always left you wanting a little bit more. They were obviously friendly but there was an air of mystery that surrounded Bella and you honestly found that very refreshing, it made it easier for you to focus on your job without having to worry about sounding cool or impressive with your small talk. You knew that you came off quiet and shy, it was something you were trying to work on. You wanted to crack open your shell more with everyone, you knew it was important to be open with coworkers, but remaining professional and keeping things light and simple was something that was important to you too. It was a fine line and you certainly knew how to awkwardly tread it.

Before you knew it, those two weeks had suddenly turned into six, leading you to completely understand the concept of production time moving differently than real time. It felt like only six seconds had passed but also as if you all had been together for six years. Each day was as new and exciting as the very first, yet you had now settled into a comfortable routine that made you feel confident and purposeful in your role on set. For example, you knew when you picked Pedro up from base camp that he would need 27 shots of espresso over ice, despite the average temperature being 45 degrees, as well as a full recap of the show you were binging at his recommendation. And thanks to Gabriel, you had learned more about hockey then you ever thought was possible and always checked the stats from the previous day's games to throw at him as you handed over his coffee. And with Bella, well, they were a bit trickier than the others. You always handed them their drinks with the biggest of smiles which they would return immediately along with friendly interaction. No, that wasn't the complicated part. The thing was that Bella had started to take the time to ask about you. All the big and important things that kinda scared you. When they tried to get you to open up and expose a deeper part of yourself,, that shy and insecure creature would take over your brain. Friendships or any kind of connection with someone was hard for you. You knew from experience that being vulnerable and deep with someone would only end up with some sort of betrayal or heartache. That is why you found it easier to try and not get too close to anyone and just keep your work mode activated at all times. The last thing you wanted was for Bella to think you were rude and when they smiled and their eyes seemed to burn into your soul, you began to find it harder and harder to ignore their intrigue.

Over the next week you found yourself trying to let go more when you were with Bella and to not be so concerned about what they might think of you. And soon It was almost involuntary, you didn't even have to try, everything was becoming more natural between you two. Bella was absolutely the easiest person to talk to that you had ever met. They always had the most insane eye contact with you as you spoke, and it made you a little excited, almost as if Bella thought you were the most interesting person in the world. Questions and answers were given back and forth with smiles, laughter and the occasional, "No way, me too!" and it really felt nice to laugh like that again and to feel a connection with someone. Soon the desire for the journeys to and from set to last longer were starting to occupy a good portion of your heart.

The sun was dripping through the leaves and warming the cold ground as production wrapped for lunch. You couldn’t believe that another two weeks had passed as you deeply inhaled the fresh air around you. It had been nice to get away from the city for a bit, taking in the beauty of the Vancouver forests. It was a small location shoot this week, "Ellie's Big Birthday Adventure" as it was cited on the call sheets. The crew numbers were down and the only cast that was needed was Pedro and Bella. The air was different out here and there seemed to be a rejuvenated sense of childlike wonder amongst the cast and crew. You were constantly running around trying to keep an eye on your "kids'' as you and the crew affectionately referred to Pedro and Bella. It had been much easier in the city when everyone had a designated trailer to hangout and wait for you in but now you found yourself pulling them away from bug collecting and rock skipping whenever they were needed. Despite the ever changing runaround with them, you fell asleep every night with the biggest of smiles, you were loving every moment of it.

As you were exiting the Craft service tent you noticed Pedro, Bella and another crew member waving you over. You nodded at them acknowledging the invitation and settled down on a spare seat between Bella and a camera operator. Normally you didn't join the others during their breaks, you usually tucked yourself away in one of the crew trailers with your headphones in and your eyes closed if you weren't running around collecting updated sheets or checking in with other actors. However here, bounded by the trees, there wasn't anywhere else you would rather be.

"We're finding out what everyone's favorite field trip was when they were in school." Pedro stated after you had exchanged a communal wave to the group. You laughed softly as you popped open your drink can, you never got tired of the random conversations.

"Mine was when my high school drama class went to the Pantages Theatre and saw Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. So. Good." Pedro continued, "and Bellie's was..."

"Beatrix Potter's house, Year 4, Mrs. Anderson's class," Bella said as they shot a finger gun in your direction. "I still have the Tom Kitten magnet on the fridge at home."

"Niagara Falls," the camera operator added matter of factly pulling open a bag of chips.

"All very cool," you said, shifting slightly in your seat trying to think of your answer. "Ok, well my favorite field trip was probably the time we went to this big history museum in the middle of the city," You paused for a moment, the thought not lost on you that the facade of the "Wyoming Museum of Science and History"

was peaking through the trees.

"There's just something super magical about museums when you're a little kid," Bella said

"Right?!" you agreed, "I don't know, I'm still pretty obsessed with them to be honest," you began rambling without realizing, "They are actually a really good place for a date, ya know, it's pretty low pressure but still way fun. The fact that you have to talk kinda quietly and be close to each other is a bit sexy. Oh, and I think it's really fun trying to impress each other with random facts and, yeah..." you trail off as if lost in a memory.

"Is this coming from experience?" Pedro gently said, snapping you back to reality.

"Yeah… that's probably a story for another time..." you said, falling silent and hoping that another time would never come. You really didn't feel like sharing your past relationship failures to everyone and you continued to sit there wishing someone would talk about something else. After a moment or two of silence you heard, "Did you know that I went to a postcard museum once? Yeah, it was nothing to write home about..." they said in their most deadpan delivery. You bit your lip as a giggle tumbled out and joined the rest of the laughter amongst the group. You glanced over at Bella so thankful that they had sensed exactly what you had needed.

The following day shooting wasn't due to happen until later in the afternoon and a few people were getting together to go on a hike to Twin Falls Bridge. The air was much colder than usual that morning so you doubled up on your layers. It seemed like everyone from production was huddled together outside and you quickly joined them as Bella pulled you into the group.

"Hi!" Bella beamed with their brilliant smile and

"Hey Roo! Nice camera," you pointed out, knowing full well that they took photos of everything. You had gotten into the habit of calling Bella, "BellaRoo” or just “Roo” and you definitely noticed them smirking whenever you used the nickname, almost as if they were proud of the fact that they had the honor of earning one. Bella shrugged, "You know me, always documenting the pretty things," They pointed the camera in your direction as you hid your face with your hands, the flush in your cheeks warming your chilled skin.

"Oh god! That was so bad."

"Yeah, it really wasn't my best," Bella laughed in agreement. The hike was beautiful but you were so unbelievably cold. You realized that your shivering must have been more profound than you thought when Bella bounded over to you holding out a jacket.

"I'm totally not ok with you freezing to death," they smirked coyly.

"Oh is that so?" you said playing along, "Afraid you'll have to find someone else to bring you all your drinks or something?"

"Yeah something like that," Bella tossed you the jacket, "and plus all the paperwork is just so annoying."

“Are you sure? Aren't you going to freeze now?”

“I’m a hundred percent sure,” they smiled, “And Pedro will probably be over here in 30 seconds offering me his jacket anyway,” they added with a slight chuckle.

“Ok, well thank you,”you chuckled. You savored the soft scent of honey and citrus that lingered on the collar as you let its warmth encase your body, “I’ll wash it tonight and get it back to you tomorrow. I promise” you added as you fiddled with the zipper and realized your hands were officially numb.

“You can keep it. You know, so I don't have to find someone to replace your ass…” Bella said as they reached down and hooked the zipper into place and slid it up for you. They then proceeded to cup your hands in theirs and brought them to their lips, and gently used their warm breath to relieve your discomfort.

“Really? But it’s this your favorite jacket? I mean I see you wear it all the time.” You stated, doing your best to sound normal even though every fiber of your being had exploded into a million pieces at the intimacy of the moment.

“I like it on you,” they said in between breaths,, “Cuz, you know it uh, it goes with your...” Bella stammered and dropped your hands as they took a step back, “...your uh, your face.” they awkwardly gestured at your face. You couldn’t tell if Bella was actually nervous or if they were just being funny with you. Either way, you felt somewhat relieved when you saw Pedro running up the trail unzipping his jacket, any awkward tension between you two was instantly swept away by your laughter and Bella’s “I told you so” look.

You were happy to be back at base camp, a week out in nature was so nice but you had missed the coziness of the community in the city. You and Bella had put together a scrapbook full of plants and polaroid's from the past week and you couldn't help but smile at the photos, losing yourself in the memories before heading out the door for the day.

You took your usual walk from the production apartments to base camp stopping by the local coffee shop to pick up the kid’s assorted drinks. As you rounded the final corner and crossed the security barricade you felt your phone buzzing in your pocket. You glanced down at your watch and saw the message from the AD, scenes had been moved around and they would be needing Bella in hair and makeup sooner than planned. You stopped by the crew trailer, tossed your bag into your locker and texted Bella.

You made your way over to Bella’s trailer and sat on the steps to wait for them. You really did not enjoy when schedules were moved around at the last minute, the anxiety of reaching out and locating the required parities and potentially ruining their plans was not a fun aspect of the job. However you were glad it was Bella today, nothing ever seemed to truly inconvenience them, plus seeing them first thing in the morning always seemed to make the morning light shine a bit brighter. You didn't have to wait long, Bella showed up right when they said they would.

“Hi hi hi!” they exclaimed as they rushed past you up the steps and disappeared in the trailer for four seconds to drop their bag off before jumping back down, “Let’s go!” they said, grabbing their coffee with a smile as you quickly radioed over to the MUAH team to let them know Bella was on the way. On your walk over you passed by the breakfast spread that was being laid out and you snagged a couple pieces of toast and handed one over to Bella.

“Thanks! Hey did you know in ancient Rome they used to drop a piece of toast into their wine for good health?”

“What?” you replied somewhat thrown off at the randomness of their question.

“Yeah! That’s why we call it “raising a toast”.” they said excitedly, their face eagerly waiting for your response.

“Ohhh no way! That’s pretty cool actually,” you smiled at Bella, “when did you become an expert in obscure historical facts?”

“Oh, you know, I'm just full of interesting facts, can't help it, I was just born that way.” that cheeky grin appearing instantly across their face.

“Ok what else you got then? Since you’re such a natural,” You smirked, egging Bella on.

“Australia is wider than the moon.” they replied instantly and matter of factly.

You nodded your head while trying your best to hold back a smile, “ Your family must be so proud of this God given talent.” Bella just shrugged and threw their hands up as entered hair and makeup and disappeared with a quick wave.

You were going over the rest of the day’s schedule with the AD when lunch was called and everyone scattered like ants in all directions to spend their time in various ways. After grabbing a snack you found some secluded chairs and popped your buds in your ears and selected your goto playlist. You were so zoned out that it startled you when a cassette tape landed in your lap. You paused your music as you looked over to see Bella crashing down in the seat next to you out of breath.

“You are ok?!”

“Yeah, I just ran from my trailer and back to get that.” they said, pointing to the tape, “I made it for you and I wanted you to have it for the weekend.”

“Um, what? You made me an actual mixed tape? I'm sorry, I was unaware that it was 1987!” you said in amusement as you glanced down at the insert covered in Bella’s handwriting and doodles.

“Oh stop it!” Bella laughed as they hit your leg in jest. “Pedro showed me how to do it! And I know they have a tape player in those ancient production flats so you have no excuse. It's just some songs that I think are vitally important for you to experience.”

“Well if it's of vital importance I will not let you down.” You promised as you slid the tape safely into the pocket of your jacket.

“Good,” Bella replied happily as they tucked their legs up on the chair and opened their water. It felt good just having Bella around. The way they seemed to calm the air yet electrify it at the same time was something that you wished you could bottle and take with you everywhere, just to have the sense of them around at all times.

“And thank you Roo, nobody’s ever made anything for me before, it's really cool.”

“Really?! I find that hard to believe,”

“Oh no its absolutely the truth! To be honest, no one ever really stuck it out long enough to care I guess. After all the trying and failing that I've done, I've realized that the common factor in it all has been me and that I must just be hard to love. I’ve grown to accept the fact that I'm destined to be alone,” you glanced over at Bella who was looking at you with those eyes that seemed to know your pain and offer you comfort all at the same time, “Ah, don't look at me like that, its fine, I’m fine, I swear,” you chuckled awkwardly, “Some people just aren't special in that kind of way i guess.”

"That's bullshit! There is totally someone out there for you and they will end up proving to everyone who made you feel unloved that they were so fucking wrong." Bella's eyes seemed to darken as they started intently into yours. You could tell that they were being serious with their words, something you only really noticed when they were working through stuff with Pedro. Just then the AD's voice bellowed out that principal actors were needed back for makeup checks.

"And who knows, maybe they're going to be a lot easier to find than you think." Bella softly smiled as they handed you their water and slowly backed away into the crowd that was forming. "You're fucking special. In the best way. Don't forget that!" Bella shouted and smiled as they disappeared into the swarm of people. A smile burst onto your face and you quickly buried your face in your hands knowing that you were turning red despite the amused laughter. Why were they so good at this? Allowing a person to be seen and to feel understood. The feeling that was pulling in your chest was somewhat new to you, and it felt like something stronger than gravity.

#bella ramsey #bella ramsey x reader #bella ramsey x you #bella ramsey fluff #bella ramsey edit #bella ramsey fic

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missmarthanightingale · 6 months

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i want to tell you guys a story from my life, about something that really happened in my family, & then i want to talk about that story in relation to what happened between ray & sand in ep10. let me be very clear -- this post is not intended to scold people for disliking ray. part of the reason i waited so long to write this was so i could have confidence that i was being fair & not letting my affection for the character colour what i wanted to say. i would really appreciate it if people who feel negatively about ray in particular took the time to read this & take it into consideration, as a sincere appeal from someone who has alcoholics in her family to really consider some of the ways i've seen this fandom talking about ray's addiction.

so. the story. some half-dozen years ago my uncle was trying to get sober. his marriage was on its last legs & no one wanted his kids to be living with their father while he was going through withdrawal if that could be avoided, so he came to stay with us for a while. my mum did her homework, understood enough to know that he shouldn't have easy access to alcohol in that time, & so we moved all of the alcohol we had to hand into a locked room in the cellar & gave the key to a neighbour for the duration of his stay. it went okay for a little while, & then my uncle had a fight with his wife over the phone, or something to that effect. in one night, he drank three half-bottles of prosecco which we'd forgotten we had stored in the garage.

we didn't even know that alcohol was there. we'd totally forgotten about it. but because we missed it, what should have been a bad night turned into a relapse. keeping alcohol in close proximity to a recovering alcoholic, especially in the early days of sobriety, makes it so, so easy for them to backslide. partly because constantly knowing it's there can wear on them, sure, but mostly because no matter how strong anyone's commitment, there will always be moments when they falter, & the easier it is made for them to relapse in those moments, the likelier it is that they will. & maybe not everyone in this situation would relapse, but you cannot know whether a person will or won't until it happens. most of it's up to factors far beyond your control. it is not worth taking that risk with someone you love.

so trust that i am speaking from bitter experience when i say that sand's home-brewing was always, always going to be a problem. they put it in the opening credits, for god's sake. i was absolutely certain from ep2, when we first found out about the plum wine, that whether ray ultimately tried to get sober or not, the easy access to alcohol that a relationship with sand granted him was destined to be point of conflict between them. sand was always going to have to confront the tension between his relationship with an alcoholic & his main (?) source of income being home-brewed alcohol, & he was always going to have to choose between them. & it is not fair to sand that he has to make that choice, i know. it's fine if you think that he made the wrong choice, or that he shouldn't have had to make that choice at all, but it was inevitable that he would have to, fair or not. because if you have an alcoholic in your life, you are most likely going to have to change your behaviours around them, in big ways & small, for their benefit. this is just how it goes.

i was astonished that there were people who seemed caught off-guard by this fight -- the only thing that surprised me was that it happened before ray was really taking rehab seriously, because i fully expected that this fight would happen after a relapse, likely one involving the plum wine, a couple months into sobriety. there was no version of this show that could both be honest about ray's alcoholism & fail to highlight this conflict at some point. they gave sand this source of income specifically so that sand & ray would have this problem down the line. it was so obvious to me that this was coming, i just took it as a given that everyone else saw it too. & again, this post is not intended to judge anyone for how they have interacted with this show or with this character, that's not what i'm here to do. but i do want to address an element of the way that i have seen some people talk about ray & his addiction.

it is fine if you don't like this character. i am not going to scold you for being understandably mad about the way that he has treated the people around him. but it is very frustrating, & sometimes downright upsetting, to occasionally see people speaking with great confidence on alcoholism despite saying things which i know from lived experience to be inaccurate, or worse, unfair. i am not here to judge you, but i am going to ask you extend a certain amount of grace to this character, & more importantly to all the people who see themselves or their loved ones in him. if you're going to talk about alcoholism, or the aspects of ray's character & actions which are intimately linked with his alcoholism, i would ask you to take some time to make sure that you do actually know what you're talking about. if you're criticizing ray -- & there is plenty to criticize! -- i would ask you to take a moment to think about whether you're really just holding him accountable, or if maybe you're being unduly harsh on him. i think there's more than a few people in this fandom who have some unexamined biases around addiction & those who struggle with it; this is an excellent opportunity for all of us to educate ourselves on this subject. i've been learning a lot about what different structured recovery programs look like; my uncle never pursued one, & i'd never sought out information on that before.

ray isn't real. none of the people he's hurting are real, either. but he & the people around him are a very well-written reflection of a very common, very difficult experience. you don't have to like him, but if you want to understand more about addiction i think he could be a really good starting point for that. if you don't want to, i genuinely get it -- sometimes you just want to watch a show & enjoy it without having to do homework. that's okay. but if that's your position, then please think twice before making public posts passing uninformed judgement on the show's representation of an incredibly complicated & sensitive topic.

i'll reiterate one last time that this post was not intended to judge, scold, or otherwise castigate; i hope that i've managed to maintain an acceptable level of the objectivity i was aiming for, & if i haven't, then my apologies, i definitely tried. if you're going to disagree with some of what i've written, that's fine, but please remember that i wrote all of this based on my personal experience with a family member, & be kind.

#i am very nervous about posting this but i think i really needed to say it #only friends #ofts #only friends the series #original

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skz317cb97 · 1 year

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Almost Lover

Seungmin x Thick female reader

Word count: 5.9K

Synopsis: Falling in love with your best friend, you should've known it would bring you heart ache, almost lovers always do.

A/N: 18+ ONLY! Gah! How the hell is this the last one already! I got a lot of inspiration for this one from One Fine Frenzy's song Almost Lover. I just love doing these thick reader series! You guys are always so excited and responsive and it just makes my heart feel good that people who aren't typically represented are finding comfort in reading my stories about people like them! I hope you guys like this one! If you do, please reblog, like, comment, shoot me an ask whatever I cherish every word you guys send me! As always, warnings and smut below the cut

Warnings: 18+ ONLY MDNI! Cursing/strong language, depictions of depression(its not said outright but it's pretty obvious MC is depressed), protected piv sex, first time, oral (f receiving), I think that's it the last two have been fairly tame as far as smut. If I missed anything please let me know and I'll add it immediately!

You woke up ready for your day determined. You had been sitting on this long enough. You needed to just do it, rip the metaphorical band aid off. You and your best friend Seungmin were both nineteen, had grown up together your whole lives and had just graduated high school. You had the summer to screw off and be kids one more time before college and you didn't want to go through it holding on to this still. You had lost a few nights of sleep as you considered the pros and cons and finally decided that you were going to tell Seungmin that you were in love with him. It was the day of his open house. You planned on spending the day with him, celebrating taking the new step in your lives as adults, and then when it was just the two of you in the evening, you were going to tell him. You went over early to help him and his parents finish setting up before guests started arriving. When you got there Seungmin was buzzing with excitement.

“What are you so giddy about hmmm?” You asked as he smiled ear to ear.

“Nnnope it’s a surprise. Make sure you don’t leave early, okay?” You tried to hide your smile. A surprise? Could Seungmin be planning on confessing to you as well?

“I won’t there’s something I really need to talk to you about after the party tonight.” People started showing up shortly after everything was ready. Family, friends and other loved ones were coming and going all day. Eating, chatting and congratulating Seungmin and you for graduating, both of you with honors, Seungmin valedictorian. Evening came around and the fairy lights came on. Most of Seungmin’s immediate family, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents were still there, it was getting late and you hoped you’d get your time alone with him soon. Suddenly Seungmin and his parents were standing up together as they prepared to make an announcement. Seungmin’s mom tried to speak but she got all weepy like she had been on and off all day so his dad spoke up.

“We wanted to thank you all for sticking around. We’re extremely proud of Seungmin for graduating at the top of his class but we’re mostly proud of the man our son has grown into. He’s been holding onto a bit of news that he’s been rather excited about. Seungmin?” This must be his surprise that he’d mentioned. Definitely not a love confession, not in front of everyone. You had no idea what the surprise could be, Seungmin usually told you everything. He came forward, the huge smile that had been plastered on his face all day, still just as prevalent.

“I’m excited to announce that I’ve been accepted into Harvard University with a full academic scholarship! In one week I leave for America!” Seungmin’s family all cheered happy for his wonderful news while your heart shattered. One week?! You didn’t even know he’d been applying to colleges in other countries let alone Harvard. Why had he kept this from you? He got hugs and congratulations from all of his family members and then he walked up to you with his arms out.

“Well?” He was smiling ear to ear. You would never want to see him unhappy, so you put on a brave face.

“That’s fantastic Seungmin, I’m so proud of you.” You hugged him and he squeezed you tightly, his face buried in your neck, yours pressed against his chest. A tear slipped from your eye and you quickly dried it on Seungmin’s shirt before he noticed.

“Thanks y/n. I’m gonna go say goodbye to grandma and grandpa and then we can talk alone like you wanted.” Your heart twisted painfully in your chest.

“Oh it’s nothing important...” Seungmin nodded.

“Sure it is! I’ll be back in just a minute!” You shook your head and he dashed away to send his grandparents off. As soon as you were out of Seungmin’s line of sight, you left. You got in your car and drove away, you could no longer hold off your tears. You didn’t go home, you just drove around and cried. When Seungmin realized you left he tried to call and text you but you had turned your phone off. He called your mom assuming you had gone home.

“Hey Mrs. y/l/n! Is y/n home already?” Your mom was confused, she wasn’t expecting you home until much later.

“No Minnie she was supposed to be at yours fairly late she said.” He hummed.

“Hmmm. She left a while ago my mom said, she should definitely be home by now.” Your mom started to worry a bit.

“Oh my, um... was everything okay when she left?” You mom knew about your feelings for Seungmin and that you’d planned on telling him tonight. She wondered if that had gone badly.

“Yea we were all just celebrating my announcement about being accepted to Harvard, then I talked to her for a minute and then she was gone. I don’t know. We were supposed to talk about something so I was surprised she just left without even a goodbye.” Your mom was shocked.

“Harvard!?” Seungmin chuckled.

“Oh yeah ha, I guess you didn’t know that yet. Yea I leave in a week.” Your mom’s heart broke for you. You must be devastated. It didn’t make her less worried about you either.

“Well congratulations Seungmin, that’s quite an achievement, I’m very proud of you.”

“Thanks Mrs. y/l/n. When y/n gets home, will you tell her to call me. She said what she wanted to talk about wasn’t important but when she asked me to talk alone it seemed like it was.”

“Yes Seungmin I’ll have her call.” Your mom said goodbye and hung up with Seungmin to immediately start trying to call you. Straight to voicemail. There would be no use in texting, if it was going straight to voicemail then it was off. She danced on the line of giving you space and worrying sick. She decided if you weren’t home in the next hour, she’d go looking for you, and if she couldn’t find you by tomorrow morning, she was calling the police. Thankfully calling the police wasn’t necessary. About twenty minutes after Seungmin called you walked in the door. Your mom rushed to the foyer to find your face red and tear streaked. Her face fell she knew you were in pain and wished she could take it from you.

“Honey...” You shook your head as the tears, you’d only just got to stop, started welling up again. You didn’t say anything you walked past with your hand up signaling you needed time and headed towards the stairs for your room.

“y/n...” You turned and looked at your mom and as soon as you saw the ‘poor thing’ look on her face you just turned and walked to your room. If she said anything it would only result in you crying uncontrollably again and you just wanted to get into your bed. Which you did and stayed there for days. Your mom messaged Seungmin when you’d gotten home and told him that you weren’t feeling well and that was why you’d left. He was concerned but your mom assured him you’d be okay and said to try tomorrow, which he did, and the next day and the next. Seungmin was busy getting everything together for his move overseas but still called everyday trying to talk to you, to see if you were better. The day Seungmin was leaving your mom came into your room and sat on the edge of your bed. The last few days she’d let you just process, giving Seungmin excuses that you were still not feeling very well. As long as you ate the food she brought you, drank water, and showered, she allowed you to spend your time in your bed, crying on and off between long bouts of sleep. Today he was leaving.

“Sweetie, don’t you at least want to say goodbye?” You buried your face deeper into your pillow as your tears welled again.

“N-no, I-I-I c-can't mom. I... no. If he calls just say I’m still sick or sleeping or a-a-anything I don’t c-care.” You mom took a deep breath. She worried you would regret not saying bye but you were an adult and it was your decision, so she supported you.

“Okay honey, okay. If he calls I’ll tell him. I’ll be back up with lunch a little later okay?” You nodded, your head still pressed into the pillow.

“I love you baby.” You sniffled.

“I love you too mom.” As expected Seungmin called an hour before he had to leave for the airport. Your mom answered.

“No I’m sorry Seungmin she’s still in bed sick.” Seungmin’s heart hurt. He couldn’t leave for another country and not say goodbye to you. You’re the only person he wanted to say goodbye to aside from his family.

“I can just come by for a bit, just to say goodbye.” Your mother sighed a little, hating to have to tell him no. She could hear the pain in his voice.

“No no I don’t think you coming by is a good idea with you having to travel, I’d hate for you to catch...” Seungmin interrupted.

“I’ll wear a mask, I just... I have to say goodbye.” Your mom stood her ground, you had made your choice and she was determined to do as you asked.

“No Minnie I’m sorry sweetie. Why don’t you call once your settled from your travels, she should be better by then.” Seungmin didn’t understand, he was so hurt. Why couldn’t he just say goodbye?

“O-okay Mrs. y/l/n, will you tell her that I’ll miss her and that I’ll call and write as often as possible.” Your mother hummed.

“I will Seungminnie. Be safe traveling sweetie.” They said their goodbyes and that was that. An hour and a half later Seungmin was on a plane to America, and you were curled up in your bed sobbing. After Seungmin left, day by day you were able to drag yourself out of bed for longer periods of time until you had some semblance of a normal life again. What normal was without Seungmin at least. Seungmin wasn’t only your best friend, he was your only friend. Growing up the chubby girl you were picked on a lot and Seungmin was always the one that would stand up for you. You didn’t need anyone else but him. Now you had no one. You were anxious about the next time he called, when he called from America. You weren’t sure if you were ready still. You weren’t sure what you’d say. It turned out that you didn’t need to worry too much. Days, weeks, months went by with no call or letters from Seungmin. If you’d thought your heart was broken before it was ashes now, a shell of what used to be able to hold joy and love. You had started college in the meantime but it hadn’t been going well. You were missing classes, not studying, getting bad grades. By the end of your freshman year you were on academic probation and heading home for the summer. You wouldn’t describe your time at school as happy but going back home ripped open the raw wound that had started to scar over.

It never stopped hurting, you were just able to deal with the hurt more, you got used to the pain. Everything reminded you of Seungmin back home. The ocean, the late night drives you took to try and clear your head, only to drive around aimlessly thinking of the love you could have had. You woke up in your bedroom at your mom’s house every morning with him on your mind. You eventually worked up the courage to call his parents’ house to speak to him, assuming he’d be home for the summer to see family as well but they informed you that he actually wasn’t home this summer and that they hoped he’d be home for the holidays. Maybe it was better that way. You managed to make it through the summer and headed back to your school.

When you came back for the holiday’s you didn’t bother calling the Kim’s and later through the grapevine your mother had found out Seungmin hadn’t come back for the holiday’s opting to stay in America and visit his girlfriend’s family. Girlfriend? He was gone and you were constantly haunted and he was just fine. The wound would never heal it seemed. You skated by year two of college and dreaded two more years of it. It was another summer and another trip back home to visit you mom and see the ghost of your heartbreak everywhere you looked.

You were on your way back home from your summer job when your mom asked you to stop by the convenient store to grab a couple of things. You were walking up an aisle and you heard a familiar voice; one you hadn’t heard in over two years. You looked between the shelves and the next aisle over you saw Seungmin on the phone with, what sounded like his mom, as she tried to direct him to what she needed. You ducked a few more aisles away, quickly grabbed the rest of the things your mother asked for and left. You managed to get out without him seeing you. When you got home your mom met you at the door to grab the groceries you’d picked up and she was concerned when she saw the look that was on your face.

“Sweetie? What’s the matter?” You had a thousand-yard stare but you snapped out of it and answered her.

“I.. uh... saw... Seungmin. At the market.” Your mom put her hand over her heart.

“Oh honey, I’m so sorry. I forgot his mom had mentioned being excited about him coming home this summer. I guess things ended badly with his girlfriend and he was feeling home sick.” You nodded. It was more information than you needed really. He was home, you were home, what did it matter. You hadn’t spoken to each other in two years. That night your mom had her bridge game with her group of girlfriends over at another one of the ladies' houses. Before she left she checked in on you and when you gave her the okay, she headed out for the evening. You were sitting on the couch in the living room reading a book when there was a knock at the door. You set your book down and went to answer it. When you opened the door, there standing in front of you like it had only been a day since last seeing you, was Kim Seungmin. You took a deep shuddering breath.

“Hey.” He said awkwardly. You looked at him and your eyes were so empty. You didn’t seem like the girl he’d grown up with anymore. You weren’t. You were a woman for one not just a scared little girl anymore. You were just as beautiful as you always had been but something that used to burn in your eyes when you looked at him was gone.

“Hi...” You weren't’ sure what else to say. You’d thought a lot about the things you would say to Seungmin if you ever saw each other again but standing there with him in front of you, your mind drew a blank.

“I... uh... I saw you at the convenient store earlier...” More awkward silence.

“I wanted to say hi but you were leaving...” Quiet.

“I... look... y/n, I’m sorry I never called or wrote. When I left I was so hurt that I couldn’t even say goodbye to you. I couldn’t bring myself to call or write at first, then so much time went by and... I don’t know. I just... I need to know... why didn’t you tell me goodbye?” In his mind he might have felt like he deserved an answer but his question angered you.

“Why didn’t I say goodbye?! I... huh...” You laughed incredulously.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving me behind?! Why didn’t you tell me you applied to fucking Harvard!? WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME!?” Tears were streaming down your face. Seungmin had never known that you were hurt by him not telling you. You smiled and congratulated him and then left. He’d thought you were happy for him; he didn’t know.

“I... y/n. I didn’t think I’d get in. The chances were astronomical. I figured I’d just get denied and then we’d end up going to college together and then at least you’d be there to help with the sting of rejection. Then I got the acceptance package and I was in shock. I’d only found out a couple of days before my open house and then I only had a week to prepare and... I just...” He started to get choked up seeing you cry. He never wanted to hurt you. It didn’t make you feel any better, so he hadn’t thought he’d get in still, you were best friends. He should have told you he applied. The damn finally broke, a lifetime of love and two and a half year's worth of pain held inside came out all at once.

“And you were accepted, of course, and didn’t need me.” He shook his head.

“It wasn’t like that y/n...”

“Seungmin... the day of your open house I told you I wanted to talk to you about something. Do you remember that?” He nodded.

“I had finally got the nerve up to tell you that I was in love with you. Then you announced you were going to Harvard and... you broke my heart Seungmin! I loved you so much and you didn’t even tell me. After you made the announcement, you were so happy, so I just pretended to be happy too, but something died inside me that day. I’ve tried to bring it back to life everyday since and I can’t! It was that easy to walk in and out of my life and I couldn’t even bear the thought of not being with you.” You choked on your words as you bawled your eyes out. Seungmin was in shock, probably more so than when he’d gotten that acceptance letter.

“y/n...” You shook your head wiping at your face.

“So there, now you know why I didn’t say goodbye when you left, because if I said goodbye, it would have killed me.” Seungmin had tears welling up in his eyes ready to fall.

“I... I didn’t...”

“I don’t know why I thought you could ever love me, I should have known falling in love with you would bring me heartache, almost lovers always do.”

“y/n...” He didn’t know what to say. There was not one thing to say that would make what he did, what happened, disappear. You sniffled and wiped your face again. You leaned in and softly kissed Seungmin’s lips. A first and last kiss, a kiss goodbye.

“Goodbye Seungmin.” You choked and sobbed and closed the door as Seungmin stood there with his fingers pressed to his lips, tears streaming down his face. That was the only time you saw Seungmin that summer. He’d tried to come by a couple of other times but you made your mom turn him away. You were in your bed again, like it had all happened the day before. It worried your mother so much. When the summer was coming to an end you took off for school a bit earlier to try and get settled. To try and start healing once and for all, hoping that the kiss and saying goodbye could finally bring you some kind of closure, and it did, somewhat.

As quickly as summer had ended Christmas seemed to be upon you. Unbeknownst to your mom, you had saved up a good chunk of your summer job money and used it to buy her a cruise trip for the holiday. She had done so much, sacrificed, worried, she deserved to have a winter in the sun, carefree. She had tried to argue not wanting you to be alone for the holiday’s but you had already spent the money and the ticket was non-refundable. The day she was leaving she called you.

“I want you to call me Christmas day okay?” You laughed a little.

“Okayy mom I will, I promise.” She sighed heavily.

“You know I don’t like leaving you alone.” You were shaking your head even though she couldn’t see it.

“I’ll be fine mom, I’m gonna use the time to finish catching up to get off academic probation, so I’ll be too busy to worry and you will be too, on a cruise! Now get going before you miss your flight.” You could hear your mom getting choked up on the other end of the phone.

“I love you so much sweetie.” You smiled, you had been doing that a bit more lately.

“I love you too mom, have fun and I’ll call you on Christmas.” You did exactly what you had told your mom. You threw yourself into the makeup work you had to complete to get off academic probation. Your counselor had told you, taking a break over the holiday’s would be fine but it was better to keep your mind busy. Christmas day you were elbow deep in text books and papers when you heard a knock on your dorm room door. You got up making your way over, swearing to god that if it was your mother on the other side of that door that you were going to kill her. Instead when you opened your door you saw someone that you never thought you’d see again, Seungmin.

“Merry Christmas.” Your brain was on dial up and took a second to register that he’d said something to you. You sighed heavily all the healing you’d done didn’t matter when he was right in front of you again.

“Seungmin, what are you doing here?” Tears were already pricking your eyes.

“I talked to your mom and she said that you weren’t coming home for Christmas.” You shook your head you didn’t know why that mattered and why your mom hadn’t told you she’d spoken to Seungmin. You pushed your fingers into your eyes.

“I’m not over you yet Seungmin! But I was doing better! Surviving! Can’t you just let me be!? Let me heal!?” You took a gasp of air choking on your tears, you put your hand over your mouth and turned your back on him sobbing. Seungmin walked in, tossed his bag, and closed your door. You turned to tell him to go, to get out, don’t come back. Before any of those words could come out of your mouth Seungmin stepped forward, cupped your cheek and kissed you. Another kiss, one that you never thought you’d have. When he pulled away you were so confused.

“What are you doing Seungmin?” Your words were a whisper now, eyes still glassy with tears.

“I love you y/n, I’m in love with you and I’m so sorry I hurt you, I’m so sorry I truly truly am, I’m sorry. Please forgive me please please! Let me make things right, let me show you how much I love you, how much I always have. Please!” Seungmin was crying and pleading. He had always been such an even keeled guy, in control of his anger and emotions. You’d never seen him so frantic. You stood there on the precipice of maybe the most important decision of your life. Seungmin held your face with both hands and kissed you again. You could taste his salty tears on his lips. You grasped the front of his shirt and kissed him back. You wrapped your arms around him and he tilted his head, deepening your kiss. His tongue trace your lips and when you let out a breathy sigh, he slid his tongue into your mouth. Seungmin wrapped his hands around your soft body and things escalated quickly, hands roaming, groping. He started backing you towards your bed, when the back of your knees hit the mattress you pushed against Seungmin’s chest and he stopped.

“I’m sorry, I... I didn’t mean to...” You pushed your fingers against his lips silencing him.

“It’s okay Minnie.” His heart melted, it had been so long since he’d heard you call him that.

“I... it’s just... I’m... a... virgin.” His warm brown eyes softened.

“Oh. OH! We can stop, I don’t want to pressure you; it was just the heat of the moment and I...” You silenced Seungmin with your lips this time. He wrapped his arms around you tighter, your full breasts pressed against his chest. You pulled away and he gently rubbed his nose against yours.

“I want to. I... just thought you should know, in case... you know... I’m not good at it.” Seungmin’s hand cradled your face and you leaned into the warmth of his touch.

“Baby...” You looked at him and his brow was furrowed, he shook his head and tears started welling up in your eyes again. He kissed you and laid you back on your bed crawling over you. His hands pushed your shirt up and off, you weren’t wearing a bra and Seungmin started blushing. Your full body was so beautiful, every curve of it a work of art. Seungmin started placing soft kisses down your neck and chest, then started to suck on one of your nipples as he pinched and teased the other. Your breaths were coming out short and quiet. You’d never been touched like this before and your whole body was on fire. He let go of one nipple and sucked on the other. You moaned softly and Seungmin’s cock was throbbing in his pants. He was only focused on pleasing you right then, his own pleasure seeming insignificant at the moment.

“MmmMinnie... I feel so funny... light headed.” He moved back up your body and kissed your lips.

“It’s okay baby, it’s okay.” You let out a deep breath and Seungmin’s hands traveled down your soft, plump, body. He untied the drawstring of your sweats and reached into them, pushing your panties aside and sliding his fingers through your dripping cunt. You jumped and gasped at the strange sensation of someone else touching you in such an intimate place.

“Is it okay? Do you want to stop?” You shook your head and took a deep breath.

“No keep going Seungmin, don’t stop.” He swiped your arousal over your clit and you jumped again. The more he did it, the better it felt and the more you got used to his fingers, the less you jumped. He was sucking on your nipples as he fingered you, making sure that any part of your body he could make feel good, he did. He let go of your nipple again to speak.

“I’m gonna put a finger inside okay?” You shook your head, your breathing more labored as things progressed. When Seungmin slid a finger inside you it was a strange but welcome sensation. He started pushing it in and pulling back out, your slick coating it entirely.

“MMMmmm that feels good Seungmin.” He hummed and started to suck on your big breasts again as he continued pumping one finger into you slowly. His lips parted from your skin only to warn you again.

“I’m gonna stick in another, are you ready?” You chewed at your lips nodding.

“Mmhmm.” Seungmin gently and slowly added his second finger, you were so wet it wasn’t difficult to do or take. His longer middle finger now added to the mix, reached and brushed your g spot making you jump again. He made out with your plush body, one hand comforting you as the other worked you open enough that Seungmin would hopefully not hurt you.

“OH!OH! That felt... oh my god!” Seungmin smiled against your skin and pushed his finger inside you again reaching for the same spot, brushing it yet again, forcing a louder moan from you than your others. You clamped your hands over your mouth not wanting everyone on your dorm floor to know you were being pleasured. His fingers pumped in and out of you slowly, gently, his lips never leaving your skin, refusing until he’d kissed every inch of your gorgeous full body. You were writhing underneath him.

“M-more... m-more p-please.” Seungmin started pushing his fingers into you a little faster, with a little more force and it was just what you’d hoped for when you asked for more. You were panting, your soft breasts rising and falling with your breaths.

“Does that feel good baby?” You nodded frantically.

“Yes Minnie yes! Please I’m so close, don’t stop!” Seungmin had no intentions on stopping, no he planned on making your first orgasm a mind blowing experience for you. He moved further down your body as he fingered you open, then ran his tongue through your folds and teased your clit with the tip.

“GOD FUCK!” Your hands came up to your mouth again as you moaned uncontrollably into your palm. Seungmin messily kissed, sucked, and licked your clit while his fingers continued their assault on your g spot. You pulled your hand away from your mouth again panting.

“I... I... I’m... gonna... gonna c-cum...” You managed to get your words out between gasping breaths of air. Seungmin hummed against your pussy and your legs tried to shut around his head as you came hard. Your hips rolling as Seungmin worked you through your orgasm. You were violently trembling as Seungmin pulled his fingers from you and crawled back up your body, kissing your lips as you tried to hard wire your brain to function again. Seungmin’s hands gently ran up and down your curvy body soothing you. When your breathing returned to normal and your eyes opened you saw Seungmin looking down at you. His fingers gently traced the features of your face.

“You okay?” You nodded and gave him a shy smile. You’d never even been naked in front of someone before and now you were naked under the love of your life recovering from your first orgasm. You pushed his bangs, that had grown longer since the last time you’d seen him, away from his face.

“Seungmin... I... I want you. Please.” He shook his head and his heart rate skyrocketed at, not just the idea of being inside you, but also the chance that he might hurt you. He stood and tried to steady his hands as he removed his clothes in front of you. Every bit of skin that was revealed to you made your cunt ache. He was about to climb on top of you again, your legs spread open, and you stopped him.

“Um... condom? I’m not on the pill or anything.” He nodded.

“Oh of course yea.” He dug into the satchel that he’d had tossed as soon as he’d entered your dorm and retrieved a condom. He walked back over and kneeled on your bed between your thick thighs. You watched as he stroked his cock from base to tip a few times before ripping open the condom and rolling it down his length. He braced himself over you, his tip lined up with your entrance. He leaned down and kissed you so tenderly the empty shell your heart had been for so long was full again.

“Are you ready?” You nodded, biting your bottom lip and looking down at where the two of you were about to meet. He caressed your face and you looked into his eyes again.

“You’re sure?” You nodded and Seungmin’s thumb traced the apple of your cheek. He shook his head. The hand that had been on your face reached between the two of you and you looked down again as he started to slowly push his tip inside you.

“Okay?” You moaned a little feeling him.

“MMhmm feels good, keep going.” Seungmin nodded and started to push into you deeper. You could start to feel the stretch and sting the deeper he went. You winced a little and he stopped, afraid to hurt you.

“Are you okay? Does it hurt?” You ran your fingers through his hair and pulled him down into a deep, passionate kiss.

“It’s okay Minnie, doesn't hurt just... go slow.”

“I will baby, we don’t have to rush. We have the rest of our lives.” You teared up hearing him say that he pictured forever with you. He pushed into you fully, the curve of his cock perfectly rubbing against your that tender part inside you, and a tear rolled down your cheek. Seungmin brushed it away with his thumb and before if he could ask if he was hurting you, you spoke.

“Feels so good Seungmin, it feels... right... like a piece I was missing is finally in place. Please... move baby.” Seungmin’s body erupted in goosebumps when you used the pet name. He listened and slowly drug his cock out and pushed back in.

“Like that?” You moaned again.

“Yes Minnie! Just like that... faster...” He pulled out and pushed in with a little more force and you wrapped your thick legs around him.

“Oh my god y/n you feel so good... fuck... s-so good.” You pulled Seungmin down into another kiss gently tugging on his hair as he started to fuck you at a steady rhythm.

“Yes yes yes... oh Seungmin oh oh fuck!” Hearing the pleasure you were in only made him want to make you cum again that much more.

“I’m gonna make you cum again baby, cum for me.” One of his hands reached between you again and started teasing your clit. He felt you clench around his dick and he let out a strangled moan.

“Fuuuck s-squeezing me s-so tight... fuck.” He rubbed your clit faster as he started to snap his hips into yours harder. Your breasts and body jiggled every time he pushed his cock into you, harder, faster. You could feel the pressure mounting inside you again.

“I’m... I’m... fuck... don’t stop!” Seungmin teased your clit faster, feeling him full inside you brushing your g spot again and again.

“COM-ING I’M CO-COM-ING OH FUCK! MINNIE OH MY GOD!” You no longer cared who heard, most everyone was gone on holiday anyway. You screamed his name as your pussy juices coated his cock. He braced himself with both hands again hovering over you as he fucked you hard, chasing his high. You wrapped your arms around him and kissed him. You started pleading against his lips in between kisses and breaths.

“Cum for me Seungmin... want... want to make you feel good. Please baby cum for me.” Seungmin choked out a moan, his hips stuttered losing rhythm as he came, filling the condom. You were both sweating, shaking, out of breath, his forehead pressed to yours. When he softened inside you he pulled out and got rid of the condom, then climbed back into your bed and held your soft naked body against his. His fingertips tracing across your skin. You sighed and looked up at Seungmin who had the sweetest sadness in his eyes.

“I thought you were a hopeless dream...” You kissed his lips.

“Thank you.” Tears were rimming his eyes and yours.

“Why would you thank me baby? I hurt you... I have so much to make up for... so much lost time...” You shook your head.

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“We do but it could be so much worse, we could have missed out on us, we could have been almost lovers...” A tear slipped from Seungmin’s eye and you brushed it away with your thumb and kissed his lips.

Please do not repost or translate any of my works. My blog and stories are NSFW and 18+ ONLY! Minors, ageless, and blank blogs will be blocked!

#stray kids smut #skz smut #kim seungmin smut #seungmin smut #skz317cb97 #cal 🖤#skz317cb97 thick reader series pt 2 #skz317cb97 thick reader series #Spotify

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wolfgiselle · 15 days

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Cage Wi-fi

"Can I ask, once again, how it's even possible we get wi-fi down here?"

Adam knew he was beating a dead horse, at this point, by getting worked up over this, but he was only human. Even in these trying times of Angels and Demons—of cages in Hell that were supposed to hold the literal Devil but, for some reason, also currently held him and the Archangel Michael—he needed things to make sense. Nothing had been going as it should lately. Not for a long time. Yet, here he was, trying to find logic where it seemed none existed.

"I assume the computer and its 'wi-fi' are here for entertainment purposes. There's not much else to do down here," Michael murmured. His face was practically hidden behind the screen. It had been for the last few days. At least, Adam thought it was days (Hell time was different, Cage time worse). Adam hoped Michael wasn't becoming addicted—that was all they needed—but there wasn't anything he could do to get it away from him.

Lucifer, at least, seemed to find Michael's newfound fascination and obsession amusing. "The demons snuck one down. I enjoyed the machine last I used it, so I, uh…let's go with 'asked' them to bring one down."

Adam should've guessed Lucifer was behind this. Even when he searched his brain, he couldn't figure out how a simple laptop could cause much, if any, damage. The whole situation seemed harmless. It was because Lucifer was the one who wanted it that he couldn't help but be suspicious.

His relationship with the Devil was mostly cordial. Michael had made it clear early on his vessel was off-limits when it came to torture or harassment. But the warning had ended up being unnecessary. Lucifer had, at first, focused all of his attention on his own vessel, Sam.

Adam had felt a bit bad then that Sam was experiencing such a thing while Adam was getting off scot-free. But, as he'd understood it, it was Sam's fault they were down there. Sam had decided to jump and take Lucifer with him—dragging him and Michael along for the ride. For such reasons, Adam also couldn't help but feel a little vindictive himself after all was said and done. All Adam had wanted was to see his mother and help save the world.

Lucifer did torture Sam for a while, but he must've gotten bored or finally calmed down because one day—for no discernable reason—he stopped. Sam didn't react as though he'd stopped, though. Instead, he kept screaming and tearing into himself, yelling words like "Stop!" or "No!" even though Lucifer was no longer touching him, basically torturing himself.

It almost made him relieved for Sam's sake (as well as his own) when, not long after, they saw Castiel appear. He shot into the cage with as little subtlety as a flaming meteor to snatch him, somehow managing to grab Sam's body but fly off, leaving his soul behind. He hadn't even spared a glance for Adam, despite Michael's (very much appreciated) attempt to get his attention and remind him.

The results of Sam existing in the cage without his body were a trial of their own. If Sam had seemed off or unhinged before, he was an absolute basket-case now. Lucifer even became desperate enough to try and calm him down, to no avail.

Then, once again, they had a visitor. This time 'Death' of all things. (And had Adam mentioned before he wasn't cut out for this?) While Adam was busy trying to fathom the idea of Death having a physical manifestation—on top of still trying to come to terms with Angels, Demons, and… well, everything else he'd ever thought was fantasy being real—Death retrieved Sam's soul.

Death, at least, was polite enough to acknowledge them. Adam included.

"I'm sorry, but the deal was only for one. Dean made his choice," he had said to him.

He'd immediately understood. It hurt, but he wasn't surprised. Their relationship had been short and brief, and for all they'd gone on about family and tried to appeal to him with that argument, he'd meant what he said when they first met. His mom was his family. She was the one he'd been doing all this for.

After Sam was gone, Adam worried Lucifer would get bored and come after him. After a while of showing no such inclination, though, Adam relaxed.

Adam was also surprised when Michael and Lucifer didn't fight each other. He'd been under the impression that had been the whole point of the Apocalypse. Michael had pointed out that neither could kill the other as long as they were down here. The cage kept whatever was in it alive. Fighting would be an exercise in futility.

The two of them still argued. But it was more like your average brotherly back-and-forth (if you considered disagreements over whether God would return and save them, or whether humans deserved to live or were insignificant ants that polluted and destroyed all God's other creations average).

Adam was doing okay. He figured for a guy stuck in Hell (possibly for all eternity), he was holding together pretty well. There was just some confusion over the computer.

"If we can get a signal down here, could we send messages to Earth?" Adam asked.

"And who were you planning on sending messages to?" Lucifer drawled, his human manifestation sprawled out against one of the corner cage walls. That was another thing that confused Adam. This wasn't their 'true' form he was seeing.

When Michael first appeared to him, he had been pure light. His presence had been so bright and heavy it'd felt both like staring directly at the sun and, somehow, being surrounded by it. Michael had later told him it was a miracle he'd been able to look upon him at all. Apparently, it was common for people to burn their eyes out when directly looking at them outside of a vessel. The Winchester blood that'd made it possible for him to be a vessel for Michael period must have saved him.

This meant he'd seen Michael before and had at least an idea of what an Angel could look like through human eyes. He also thought he'd caught a few glimpses of Lucifer when he was still torturing Sam. But he wasn't sure if what he'd seen was accurate after so long. Or if what he'd seen at the time had been distorted by Michael back then, trying to keep him coddled up within his…well, wings in an attempt to keep the awful things happening in front of him from view. As if not seeing Sam's torture made him any less aware of it happening. In some ways, the not seeing, the not knowing, was worse.

Lucifer's image—if his sneaked looks had been accurate—gave off the opposite impression of Michael's. If Michael was the sun, then the Devil was a black and oily hole, primed and ready to suck off or destroy any of the light that wandered near.

Adam wondered if Lucifer stayed in this humanoid form lately (despite his proclaimed hatred for the species) because he hated what had become of his original form or if it would be presumptuous of him to believe he chose to look that way to ease any discomfort Adam might've once shown at his true but now contaminated, visage.

Surely, the Devil would prefer for him to be uncomfortable? No matter how well they seemed to get along, it made little sense for Lucifer to play nice with the vessel of the brother he'd set out to kill. He'd never question such things out loud, though. Or admit to his confusion regarding the…Angel? Archangel? Devil…? Oh—whatever classification he considered himself now. Adam figured as long as he wasn't getting tortured, the status quo was best kept as it was.

"I don't really have anyone to message," he replied, remembering Lucifer's question after way too long a pause.

"Not even the Winchesters? They're your family, after all." Lucifer said it with little inflection, not at all as if he was intending mockery. But Lucifer knew he hated to be reminded of his blood ties to the brothers and how little such a tie had come to mean. Sometimes, Adam thought Lucifer missed Sam, and that was why he always brought them up when they were no longer a necessary topic of conversation.

"You know, very well, I wouldn't wanna talk to them, even if I could. They already know I'm down here. What else am I gonna say to 'em? 'Hey guys, it's your brother—you know, Adam? The guy you left in Hell? Yeah, remember him? That's me.' Nope—not at all interested in having that conversation. I was speaking in hypotheticals. Like, does social media work down here? Could we actually, like… set up a Facebook page or write a blog and call it "The Hell-Cage Experience? That would probably get a lot of page views even if nobody took it seriously."

"Yeah…I didn't understand half of what you said right there, but the computer should be capable of everything it was when it was on Earth. Of course, if you order something, we're obviously not getting it. I learned that lots of humans used that machine or ones like it to acquire food."

"Yeah." Adam brushed his hand through his hair, mentally shaking his head again at the added absurdity to this already mind-breaking situation. What was his life that he was having a casual conversation about computer usage with the Devil? In literal Hell? Adam needed to get over this. He was starting to sound like a broken record.

Music suddenly started playing from the computer for the first time since the device had appeared. Although Michael's human manifestation (an almost duplicate of himself with an added Angel aura) didn't jump or display any sign of startlement, the place where his wings would be visual when displayed distorted and, for a moment, the room became slightly breezy, portraying the Angelic version of the same thing.

Adam didn't recognize the song but could admit it was catchy. What was Michael even watching? He could admit to being a little jealous that he didn't have his own computer down here to whittle the time away—If Lucifer was going to insist on ignoring the laws of reality and physics by having a working computer down here, couldn't he have at least gotten them all one? Why was Lucifer even letting Michael hoard the thing in the first place if Lucifer had it brought here for himself? No way was he about to ask, though. Not for his own computer or about whatever his Angel companion was watching.

Lucifer had no such compunctions, of course. In fact, looking at that human face, which showed his emotions maybe a little too well, Adam would say the Devil looked a little too much like the cat that had captured the canary but wanted to play more with it before he ate it. Adam was instantly suspicious.

"Sooo…what's that you're looking at, Michael?" Lucifer asked, sounding almost like he already knew and just wanted to hear the answer aloud. The whole thing made the human nervous, and he wasn't even sure why.

Adam glanced back at Michael. He didn't seem horrified, angry, or any other emotion the human might've expected if some joke or prank had been pulled on him like he had every other time Lucifer had gotten the better of him while down here. In fact, if he had to guess based on familiarity with his own facial expressions, he would say Michael looked curious.

"It appears to be a live performance of the Winchester Gospel," Michael said. As if that simple sentence alone was self-explanatory.

"A live performance of…what?" Why were the Winchesters being mentioned again? And by Michael of all people. His Archangel roommate usually agreed with Adam that it was best they weren't discussed. The topic had negative connotations for them all. It only led to bad moods and tension.

Suddenly unable to hold back his own curiosity, Adam deduced that it was safe enough to leave his claimed corner of the cage to approach. It was only Michael, after all. He'd already spent a lot of time cuddled up within his wings. He'd felt what it was like to have that being inside him: for some moments, what it was like to share all thoughts and feelings with another without walls separating their personhood. There might as well be no more boundaries left between them to break.

Once he was practically on top of Michael—trying to get a good look at the screen he'd become affixed to—the Archangel, still perfectly attuned to him and his needs from their joining, moved the computer from his lap to in front of him and bundled him into the cleared space. Now, nothing stopped him from getting a good view of the computer. He was a lot more comfortable, too.

It only took him a couple of minutes to register what he was seeing. An 'understanding' of what he'd seen didn't end up following close behind.

There on the screen, clear as day, were Sam and Dean. At least he was pretty sure it was Sam and Dean. If not, these people were dead wringers, and…. wait, no…that was their Impala. It was definitely them.

"What the fuck am I even watching right now?"

"Weren't you listening? Michael said it was a live performance of the Winchester Gospel."

Adam jumped slightly at hearing Lucifer's voice suddenly coming from behind him. He hadn't even noticed him move. He'd been too distracted by the video—whatever it was supposed to be. Michael rested his cheek on his forehead and held him tighter as if trying to offer comfort.

"Yes, I heard him," Adam answered, trying not to sound too smart or snappish (just because Lucifer had, so far, respected Michael's demand to leave him alone, that didn't mean he was going to push it by being purposefully rude) "I just don't know what you mean by Winchester Gospel. Do you mean the prophecy that said they were supposed to be your vessels for the Apocalypse? What does a…, um, TV show?—with them in it—have to do with that?"

"The Winchester Gospel isn't the prophecy, exactly. Not in the way that you're thinking, anyway. But I guess you could call it that since it was written by a prophet."

"Prophet?" That was the first he'd heard about them. Adam supposed he shouldn't be surprised that prophets were real, too, since it seemed pretty much every other imaginary thing had turned out to be.

"Prophets are humans born with the ability to read and understand God's word. The Winchester Gospel was the written version of the Winchester's story leading up to the Apocalypse. A prophet would have been able to see it himself for documentation purposes; think of a modern-age Bible with the brothers smack-dab at the center of it."

Adam tried to take in this information while being distracted by the scene of a horrified Sam screaming up at his girlfriend as she burned to death pinned to the ceiling.

Yikes.

He wasn't particularly fond of either Winchester right now, but they did get the shitty end of the stick, didn't they? The people around them, or in any way connected to them, seemed to die in rather gruesome ways.

"Wait," he said, realizing something. "If it's like a new-age Bible written by a human, does that mean it's available for anybody to read the same way the actual Bible is? And if it's about the Winchesters and the Apocalypse, we're all in it, too, right? Even me?"

"I am soooo glad you asked," Lucifer replied. It didn't escape Adam's notice that he sounded practically giddy. He moved to where Adam could see him, shooting him a wide smile (frightening) before he huddled beside them and took control of the computer.

Lucifer exited the TV show—which had continued on to another episode—with a casual, "We can watch the rest of that later," and typed something into the Google search bar. Seeming to find what he was looking for with a satisfied "ah, ha," Lucifer turned the computer back around. "See for yourself."

Adam had been briefly distracted by wondering why Michael hadn't fought for the computer when Lucifer grabbed it but focused again as soon as he processed what he was looking at.

"What on Earth? Are you fucking serious!?"

"Well, we're certainly not on Earth anymore…" Lucifer started, but Adam wasn't listening.

The website the Devil had switched to seemed to be some sorta fan-made page. The background was all black, the continuing image of pentagrams a recurring theme. There was a banner with a picture of the Impala in it and a stylized font spelling out the word 'Supernatural' over the top of it.

There appeared to be books for sale on the site with the same series title. Was this supposed to be the Winchester Gospel? These books looked like cheap drugstore romance-novel-trash… Much like the kind Adam's mother would buy and sneak into the cart and then hide under her mattress when they got home. They were one of the only splurges she made for herself. Kate Milligan never realized that her son snuck into her room when she wasn't home (often) to read those secret books. It was the closest sometimes Adam could get to porn before he'd had his own computer at home. These books couldn't be as important as the Bible: Not looking like this.

He reached out and scrolled over to an icon titled 'characters,' determined to answer his question on whether he was included in this trash.

Did he even want to be?

No, not really.

But the idea of being forgotten, not just by the people who'd claimed him as family but by the entire world, instilled a sudden existential dread.

It took scrolling through tons of names he didn't even recognize to finally find his own, and it was with a strange mixture of relief and trepidation that he clicked on it.

A page with a picture of himself and some general information popped up—which was weird enough, but he could get over it; he was most disturbed by the info section and its accuracy despite the brevity.

"Apparently, I'm only in about four episodes of this show and two books. But one of my main appearances doesn't count because it was a ghoul pretending to be me, and the other doesn't because it was Michael. That's bullshit!"

Adam wasn't even sure why he was mad. It's not like he wanted people to be able to watch his life unfold. As he continued to look through his character page, though, he couldn't help but feel robbed—or like he was being made a mockery of somehow.

"Yawn. This is getting boring now."

Lucifer took control of the computer back, and Adam let him, unsure where else to go and not sure he even wanted to see more. He had the sneaking suspicion that being bombarded with this crap had been Lucifer's intent all along and that he and Michael were just along for the ride. 'Why' Lucifer wanted to watch, read, or interact with any of this was beyond him. Maybe he just wanted to watch himself, but Adam didn't think it would be fun to watch the events of their last year or so re-enacted when it was already such a misery experiencing them.

"It'd take forever to read through these books or watch the show. I'm sure none of us want to spend all our time staring at Sam and Dean's ugly mugs, no matter how limitless it currently is. Sooo…I say we check out some of this fan content first. Music videos, fanfiction, blogs, pairings: I don't even know some of these terms, but they all sound interesting. Humans come up with some of the most depraved—"

"Fanfiction!?" Adam practically yelped, interrupting what was sure to be another 'humans suck' rant from Lucifer he wasn't quite in the mood to withstand. Adam hadn't even given a thought to fanfiction. An old friend of his had been obsessed with Star Trek to near insanity and had introduced him to the concept by forcing him to read a story they'd written using the show's characters. Adam had learned a lot about his friend that day, and he'd never been able to watch an episode of Star Trek with a clean mind again. It had made his mother's erotica seem like child's play.

"Well, that's an interesting reaction," was all Lucifer had to say. Damn it! He should've controlled himself better. Adam could already see the cursor heading towards that 'cursed' word.

"Wait! You really don't want to…see any of that…" Adam trailed off, seeing Lucifer was no longer paying attention to him. Michael's eyes were still glued to the computer, and Adam wondered if he'd glanced away from it even once since it'd appeared down here.

"So 'fanfiction' is 'fan' stories written by fans about certain characters and events. I don't see the problem here. What wouldn't I want to see?"

"Weren't you just saying, 'Humans come up with some of the most depraved—' and so on? You telling me you can't imagine what could be terrible about stories possibly written about 'our' lives?"

Adam knew he shouldn't be saying this even as it came out of his mouth. It'd be smarter to let Lucifer think the topic is dull. Maybe part of him wanted Lucifer to suffer what he'd once had to endure. Then again, the Devil had a strange sense of humor. He was just as likely to find the whole thing amusing. What the fuck did Adam know? He'd almost suspect torturing him, and Michael, with fanfiction, was actually part of his motive here if it weren't for his seemingly ignorant confusion on the topic. If Adam had learned anything, it was that Lucifer was manipulative. But he never lied.

"Depraved?" Lucifer asked with new interest, his face inching closer to the screen.

Yeah.

He wasn't faking that.

Adam resigned himself to the inevitable and braced for impact. Being a minor 'character' might be his only saving grace here.

"I wouldn't get too excited. Don't say I didn't warn you when you find something you don't like," Adam warned. Lucifer getting pissed off would benefit none of them.

"Oh, I see. So, this is where pairings come into play. I wonder…"

Adam caught Lucifer's glance at him out of the corner of his eye and the following smirk. So much for that 'saving grace'. He was clearly Lucifer's first target.

"You were so upset about not having many appearances. About being the unimportant brother—the spare—even here."

"Brother—" Michael finally chipped in again, and Adam recognized his warning tone. Lucifer sure liked to kick below the belt and, not so surprisingly, play with fire.

Adam tried to control his face enough so his scowl wasn't obvious, but had a feeling he'd failed spectacularly. He snuggled further into Michael's arms—his only comfort down here—and felt his body relax when the Angel squeezed him even tighter.

Thankfully, Lucifer only rolled his eyes and mumbled what Adam was sure was 'so sensitive' before continuing with his clicking, undeterred.

"Well, look at that! Most of the 'fanfiction' here involves you and Michael in a sexual or romantic relationship. Wow, big brother! Never thought I'd see you degrade yourself this way. Even if it's only in a piece of fiction written by humans."

Michael's posture straightened, and he could almost imagine the look of contempt he'd be sending Lucifer even with his back to him. Adam rubbed the Angel's arm, attempting to return comfort and calm.

"Not that I can blame the humans for speculating about how you two act. You're way too soft on your vessel, Michael. You might as well glue him to your side and be done with it."

"If I wanted your opinion, I'd ask for it."

Lucifer hummed and continued messing with the computer.

"Here's an interesting summary: 'Michael has a boner but doesn't know what to do with it. Adam teaches him one of the pleasures of being human.'"

Adam cringes but isn't surprised. Yeah, that was to be expected. Adam supposed it also made sense that any fan-made material would focus on him in conjunction with Michael. He was the 'character' he'd interacted with the most. He'd literally been inside him (yes, he could grasp the erotic implications).

Adam snuck a look at Michael, relieved to see he looked more confused than angry. He thought about what he wanted to say.

"You realize you've probably been paired up with everybody at least once yourself, right? You're too important. You probably had plenty of 'screen time' or 'page-time,' or whatever the fuck we're going with here."

"And why should it bother me what humans write about me?"

"Well, as you've probably gathered, most of it is porn. Here, let me see the computer for a minute?"

Lucifer arched an eyebrow at him but pushed it over. Adam was clearly being humored; he hoped he could find what he had in mind.

It was easier than it should've been to navigate the website. And it took less time than it should've to find something inflammatory.

"Look at this," Adam said, passing the computer back. Adam took a perverse amount of pleasure in the blank expression that came over Lucifer's face as he realized what he was reading. Adam might not agree with most of Lucifer's anti-human dogma. But he could get behind his belief in their depravity. The human imagination could be downright vile.

"Did you want to read the summary of that one out loud? Or maybe you'd like to check out the story itself." Adam hoped Lucifer didn't call his bluff and actually attempt to read what he'd found. Adam had no desire to hear such things and was sure Michael would find it equally traumatizing. It might even have Michael agreeing with Lucifer about humans being disgusting and all deserving to die. Now that he was thinking about it… showing Lucifer such a thing and daring to taunt him might not have been such a good idea.

"We're moving on to something else. There's nothing of value to see here," Lucifer growled. His hands were clenched, and his eyes glowed a burning red. If Lucifer had had laser vision, the computer would be a smoking, charred pile of unworkable parts.

Adam relaxed.

Lucifer was clearly pissed, but it wasn't at him.

"How about some videos, or… Oh, here's a fan song."

The look on Lucifer's face now scared Adam. More than the one he'd given the computer after reading the summary of the story that ‘must not be named or explained.'

A tune started up, and Adam frowned at the almost immediate mention of Sam and Dean. Adam wasn't sure what he was supposed to be waiting for. Lucifer was watching him with what could only be anticipation. It was clearly an Apocalypse song, and he could only assume he'd be getting a mention. It was nearing the chorus when he heard the first hint of himself: a mention of the writers forgetting someone. He just knew that had to mean him.

And then he heard the actual chorus.

"We are never ever saving Adam ever!? Really?"

Someone had written an actual song about how forgettable he was. Sam and Dean's perspective added extra sting to already painful mockery. Was this all he was to anyone who knew his story? An unremarkable, unimportant joke.

It was one thing for Lucifer to tease him: Lucifer was just being Lucifer. And this was obviously his revenge for managing to make him uncomfortable. It was a separate issue to know his fellow humans could think so little of him when he'd only ever tried his best to be respectable. When he'd been willing to give his body over to do what he'd believed to be right. When he'd only wanted to see his mother and now might never be reunited with her again.

Lucifer smiled at his reaction. But Michael, who'd always been so unnaturally attuned to his emotional state, straightened up. He flared his wings in a way that made his presence seem towering and finally put in his two cents.

"While I'm not averse to studying the Gospel—as it may have answers to our current predicament and shine a light on what has been happening among the host since I have been gone—I have to protest this obvious targeting of Adam for your sick entertainment. I've told you time again that my vessel is off limits."

"And you haven't seen me lay a finger on him. Have you?" Lucifer sneered. Adam wondered if this would escalate into another 'bitch-fight-argument.' (Man, was he glad Michael wasn't currently paying attention to his thoughts.) Experiencing more of this Winchester-based crap didn't appeal to him in the slightest: Not with how he'd been depicted. He wasn't much in the mood for listening to them go back and forth, either, for however long they'd decide to have a go.

"Can't we just decide on something that won't make any of us angry? Maybe get started on that learning Michael mentioned. Because he had a point, you know? There's a good chance we could learn about what's been happening while we've been down here. It hardly benefits us to be uninformed."

Some of Michael's tenseness relaxed, and a slight breeze from his wings told Adam they'd also been put away. Adam turned to look at Lucifer again.

"We could get info on what's been happening in Hell too." Adam's careful not to say what he's actually thinking: that Lucifer could see Sam again and learn how he's doing. Lucifer's obsession was one best not spoken of; he'd deny it anyway.

Both Angels agreed with Adam with only a little grumbling and a couple murmured insults from Lucifer that Adam pretended not to hear. Lucifer was just upset they'd managed to ruin his fun.

Now that they had a plan, they just needed to put it into motion. Adam reached towards the computer again slowly, wondering if Lucifer would put up a fight about handing it over, but he shoved it at him instantly. Adam guessed Lucifer didn't want to have to put in the work if he couldn't fuck with them anymore. Adam wasn't about to complain.

Adam settled the computer into a position far enough from him so Lucifer could still see the screen. It'd been paused on the YouTube video for the song he'd been so hurt by. With a quick type of 'Supernatural mvs' in the search bar, it directed him to other options. Lots of options! Man, this show was popular. He hardly knew where to start.

Adam clicked on a couple random vids but got nothing out of them beyond further confirmation of Sam and Dean's life sucking, their codependent relationship, and the strange homoerotic tension between Castiel and Dean which the fans not only noticed but seemingly loved.

"Well, those weren't very helpful. Why don't we look up some videos focusing on the Angels."

Adam did so, and this time hit paydirt. These videos focused a lot more on the Angels and what they'd been up to. Some of it was hard for him to follow without the context, but he was focusing on trying to absorb everything until—

"You killed Gabriel?" Michael didn't yell, but his voice seemed to boom and almost shake the cage from being so powerful. The grip Michael still had around him was equally strong. Adam was grateful he couldn't actually die down here. And that he didn't need to breathe. Otherwise, the hold would have already suffocated him. Adam tried to pay attention to what Michael was actually saying.

Gabriel?

Right, Gabriel.

Apparently, Lucifer had killed him.

The video was still going, but nobody was paying it any mind. He reached a hand out to pause it, trying not to attract the attention of either of them. Michael was angrier than Adam had ever seen him. Adam trusted Michael to not want to hurt him, but that didn't mean he couldn't end up collateral damage. His ribs could attest to that.

Would this be the inciting incident? The thing to finally turn them to violence? Adam supposed Lucifer's response might be the determining factor.

Lucifer looked surprised. Adam wondered if he'd forgotten that he'd killed Gabriel or if he simply assumed nobody would ever find out.

"It wasn't Gabriel's place to interfere. He helped Sam and Dean get away, kept waving his Angel Blade around in my face, and seemed very protective of the humans, above all else. He'd clearly been down on Earth too long and became too accustomed to their ways. What else would you have had me do?"

"Maybe not kill your brother. You were always Gabriel's favorite: The only one to enjoy his pranks. The only one who could understand his jokes. You taught him to fly. Even during our fights, he never once took sides. He had to know you were in the wrong, but his love and worship for you prevented him from ever truly standing against you. Were you truly incapable of subduing him long enough for you to get away? You couldn't appeal to him… or talk him down—someone who once loved you that much?"

Lucifer, for once, appeared lost for words. (Talk about family drama. And he thought his issues with his own were bad.) Adam suddenly had a lot of questions he'd never thought to ask: What happened to an Angel when they died? Did they stop existing? Did they have their own afterlife? Was it better than here? He supposed it had to be.

There was still no answer from Lucifer. Adam knew better than to dare ask any of his questions now. His mouth would stay firmly shut while letting them sort this out. No way was he getting in the middle of this.

"Your silence might as well be an admission of guilt." Michael was trying his best to sound all-commanding and unemotional. The bond between him and Adam that let Michael perceive what he was feeling, however, worked both ways. Right now, he was feeling a grief Adam hadn't yet felt from him before. Not even their fall into the cage had elicited such an emotional response; he'd mostly just been angry then.

"Like you're squeaky clean being Dad's loyal soldier. You'd have killed him yourself if it'd been an order from God. Just like you threw me down here on his orders. You're the last person who'd have any right to lecture me on betrayal: on family loyalty." Lucifer sneered again as he practically spat the words.

Michael glowered and shot right back: "Your actions led to me striking you down—not just God. If you'd just listened—"

"—Here we go again: 'If you'd only just listened and followed orders like every other Angel, we wouldn't be in this situation right now. If you'd only just listened and been a good puppet soldier, none of this would've happened,'" Lucifer mocked with a roll of his eyes. "Don't take any accountability for your own mistakes. The 'Great and Powerful Archangel Michael' doesn't make mistakes. He's just Daddy's perfect boy. Well, it doesn't seem like he's coming down here to rescue you, does it? God has abandoned you too! Despite your enduring loyalty and stupidity."

"Faith is not stupid," Michael retorted. "And must you insist on talking poorly of our father?"

"He's the reason we're both down here, Mikey. The reason we're all down here. Apparently, he doesn't care about your vessel, either—despite insisting we prioritize these humans above all else. What excuse can you even give for that, huh? Are we meant to believe that he just… what? Didn't notice our Apocalypse: Didn't notice one of his Archangels dying and another falling into the cage? 'He who supposedly sees all'? What's more likely? That he hasn't realized or doesn't care? About any of us."

Adam didn't much appreciate being brought up in this conversation, especially when said conversation was a reminder that nobody seemed to care that he was here (aka: In Hell). Secretly, though, while he'd never tell Michael, he agreed somewhat with Lucifer; God didn't seem invested in any of them. One of the things that had brought him closer to Michael—that had made him sympathetic—had been his…well, 'toxic' relationship with his father. Even easier to empathize with was Lucifer's hatred towards that same father due to a disillusionment Michael had yet to overcome.

"We're down here to pay penance," Michael shot back in defense. "Father is hardly going to reward failure."

"Well, he certainly doesn't reward loyalty. What's your human paying penance for? What did he theoretically do wrong in this scenario? He was just doing what he thought was right, wasn't he? Doing what you and the other Angels told him to?"

Michael seemed to struggle with this, and Adam tried peaking up at him to see if he could catch his expression. Adam was curious what excuse he'd come up with for this one, if any; he wouldn't even be mad at the insinuation that Adam could've done something deserving of spending an eternity down here when he'd managed to make it into Heaven before.

Michael's arms clenched around him again, but softer this time and without the anger. Adam didn't manage to get anything from his expression (Adam admitted to stupidity in hindsight; Michael's face was hardly a display of emotion, and there was no reason for this time to be any different), but Michael let out an almost audible sigh. His Archangel's emotions, unlike the rest of him, were anything but tame. Adam could feel the conflict and confusion as strongly as if they were his own.

Lucifer seemed to grasp from Michael's sudden silence that he'd scored his first point in this back-and-forth because he smirked, suddenly confident from this small but important victory. At any other time, Adam might have been amused and grateful that Lucifer was getting through to Michael on the whole 'God issue.' Right now, though, Lucifer trying to use this to distract from him having killed their brother and then throwing Adam into the argument made Adam furious.

'Screw it,' Adam thought, 'I'm done shutting up.'

"Look, obviously, none of us are having the time of our lives down here, but it doesn't really do to dwell on the whys and hows. We have to make the best of our situation while still being ready to take any chances that turn up to get out of here. This, right here—" Adam shook the laptop to remind them both that it was there. "—this is the closest we've gotten; the only information we have available."

Lucifer stared at him. He could sense he had Michael's attention as well.

"Michael's got a right to be mad. His brother's dead, and he's only just found out. Lucifer, you have a right to be mad too. About being stuck here again, I mean. But that doesn't mean you have to take it out on Michael since it wasn't even his fault this time. You told me, yourself, that fighting down here's pointless, so maybe stop trying to instigate one." Adam glared at Lucifer, trying to look braver than he actually felt. "And stop using me to antagonize Michael. It's hardly very creative of you."

"Your vessel's got bite, Michael. Real Winchester trait."

"Milligan," Adam corrected in further irritation. "Can we please just—" Adam shook the computer again in frustration. "We were really getting somewhere. Do you two wanna keep fighting about something neither of you can do anything about, or do you want to get educated? Cause I'm telling you, right now, if it turns out there was some way outta here we didn't know about that this did and we miss it, I'll find a way to make the both of you regret it…" Adam took another look at the both of them as they stared at him—Lucifer with an arched brow and Michael curiously—and felt his temporary bravery abandon him.

"…somehow," he muttered in a much weaker, lower voice.

For some reason, his outburst seemed to kick the two of them into gear. Michael suddenly arranged the laptop and the both of them so he had better access to the controls while still having a firm grip on him. Adam wondered if it was a good idea for Michael to be in charge—given his previous immersion (more like obsession) with said computer—but Adam figured he'd already said his piece. For now, he just wanted to feel like he was accomplishing something.

Neither Lucifer nor Michael apologized, but Adam assumed by their behavior that it was implied. Lucifer, at least, would never lower himself enough to do so—and Adam knew Michael would never do it in front of Lucifer, who'd no doubt use it as an excuse for further mockery.

Sometimes, seeing the devastation that was their relationship made him happy about never being able to build anything real with his own brothers. If having siblings caused one this much pain and drama, maybe he was better off without them.

Michael continued with the video route since they'd already proven useful. (And Adam's heart did ache for Michael about the Gabriel situation. Of all the stories Michael had told Adam of Heaven, the ones involving the trickster Angel had been his favorite.)

These videos involved more Angel drama: Drama that Adam still lacked some context to entirely understand. He could tell it was bad, though. And not just from the tenseness and feelings Michael was projecting from their bond.

"Raphael is dead too," was Michael's next despondent comment. The hurt practically emanated from him at this point—a dark rolling cloud of misery over his usual sunny brightness.

"Well, you can hardly blame me for that one. I think Castiel might have single-handedly done more damage in these videos than I managed during our entire apocalypse escapade. I'd be in awe if it weren't so insulting." Lucifer certainly didn't look amused.

"Much as I hate to agree with you, there is something seriously wrong with that Angel. He seems incapable of following orders or respecting authority. There's no need to make light of our prophesized battle by referring to it as an escapade, though, Lucifer."

"Sure. Disrespect of authority. That's the problem." Lucifer's eyes rolled back so far in his head that Adam feared they'd get stuck that way. His sarcasm was so thick Adam could drown in it.

The videos kept going and kept getting progressively worse.

"At this point, the question we should be asking is if there are any angels left. Also…what's so special about Castiel that his death never seems to stick."

Neither Michael nor Lucifer appeared to like the implications. They both had to know the most likely reason for Castiel's constant revivals was God's favor. How Castiel could have earned said favor without trying when even Lucifer and Michael's fanatical bids to garner attention had resulted in radio silence, Adam didn't know. It just left the increasing impression of God being that crappy, absentee father Lucifer had painted him as, whether Michael was able to admit to it yet or not.

Purgatory, Soulless Sam, The Trials, The Angels Falling, The Mark of Cain, The Darkness: The hits never stopped. And…wait, was that supposed to be God? The guy writing the Winchester gospel and pretending to be a Prophet? What? When Michael and Lucifer said nothing, Adam decided to do the same. They either hadn't reached the same conclusion (noticed) or didn't want to discuss it and were ignoring it. Adam could get behind that.

"I can't believe I'm about to say this—feel free to slap me if I'm being ridiculous, 'cause I'm probably way out of line here—but…do you think maybe…we might actually be safer down here? Everyone up there seems to be cursed or something."

Apropos of nothing, without the slightest warning, Lucifer disappeared.

Adam stared at the now empty space. Gone. Just like that. Adam tensed and grasped onto Michael's arm around him, worried he or Michael might be next. Michael held on just as tight, also wary. Only after a few minutes of neither of them going anywhere did he lower his guard.

"Was it something I said?" Adam asked, suddenly feeling the need to whisper. "Did I jinx it?"

"Of course not. Lucifer must have been summoned."

"Who would or could summon Lucifer out of the cage?" He asked, then almost knocked himself out from the force of his own palm meeting face at his stupidity.

"Winchesters," both Adam and Michael ended up saying simultaneously.

"But why?" Adam asked.

"They must need an Archangel for something." And, boy, was Michael mad; the increased thunder and lightning noises from outside the cage evidence (representation) of his vast displeasure.

"They needed an Archangel, and they chose Lucifer?" That was dubious. Lucifer might help—especially if Sam was doing the asking—but he'd hardly do it for free. God knows what other mischief he'd get into while up there.

Given how they'd just been talking about a curse, there was also a good chance Lucifer would be killed. Adam felt weird thinking about it. Lucifer drove him crazy, and he was hardly a pinnacle of moral righteousness. But Adam would miss him. Adam had gotten used to thinking of Michael and Lucifer as his eternal companions. Now, one of them was gone. He couldn't help but grip Michael harder again, still slightly scared that he'd vanish, too, and Adam would be alone. That would be the end of his sanity right then.

"If the darkness destroyed the world…or whatever it is she does, would it affect us, too? Could Lucifer even defeat it?"

"Everything would be affected. The last time the darkness had to be shut away, it took the combined power of God and all four of his Archangels. Even then, it was still difficult and resulted in grievous injuries. I don't see how it could be accomplished unless God has returned to fight and decides to bring us all back."

Michael didn't even look hopeful while saying it, proof this new information and situation had him out of sorts. Adam just had to hope that if Michael was summoned, Adam would be taken as well. The Angel would still need a vessel, after all. Adam doubted Dean had suddenly changed his views on possession. Adam could also admit to jealousy at the idea of Dean taking his place in this instance. Dean hadn't wanted to be Michael's vessel, but Adam had been filling that role for so long now he no longer knew any other way to be.

"So what are we supposed to do now?"

"There's nothing we can do," Michael admitted reluctantly. Adam knew Michael hated feeling helpless and not being able to do anything. Michael hadn't known a day of idleness until he found himself here. Adam had promised himself if they ever escaped, he'd insist on a vacation. They both deserved one, and there were so many places Adam had never gotten to see while alive that he thought Michael might get some pleasure from now.

"We should be on our guard, though, I'm guessing?"

Michael nodded against his back.

For a moment, Adam wanted to say, 'screw this,' and hide again in his angel companion's wings as he had so long ago. To forget everything and make that feathery embrace his entire world. It was strange, almost, how that seemed like a simpler time. It certainly hadn't seemed simple at the time.

"You just wanna watch some more of this Supernatural crap? It won't take our mind off anything, but I'm sure there's still much to learn. Why don't we look up some videos about ourselves? I'm sure we must have at least a few. Oh, and your brothers! We could find some about them too. See what they'd been up to before…well, just before. I hope this computer doesn't run out of power. Now that I'm thinking about it, it already should've run out if it was going to. You'd been messing with it for days before we'd even commented. I'm not even going to ask what had you so engrossed." Adam knew he was babbling but also knew Michael wouldn't mind. He'd told Adam before that he liked knowing what Adam was thinking but had difficulty figuring it out.

Adam rearranged himself again until he was comfy and brought YouTube back up. He was determined not to think about their imminent demise, the possibility of Michael disappearing, Lucifer being dead, or the Winchesters (despite them being prominent in everything and, therefore, impossible to ignore).

No.

None of those things existed right now. Adam and Michael were watching fiction. Pieces of a TV show. It had nothing to do with their lives at all. If he thought of it that way…maybe it would make these viewings easier to bear? Put less of a strain on his heart and his mind.

Adam took a deep breath, ready to start the next set of videos.

"You ready?" He asked Michael.

"It's only pragmatic to learn all we can. You said something similar yourself."

"Okay, what have I said about using my own words against me?"

"To not do so. Though I'm slightly confused about whose I should be using if not yours."

Adam sighed and shook his head.

Angels.

Hopeless.

All of them.

"Let's just get watching."

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