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wizard-legs · 9 months

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I hate Justin McElroy for validating my lifelong fear of invisible ocean creatures in my pool with the ‘glass shark’ bit, because now every time I am in ANY body of water I have to act like I’m not afraid of Glass Shark so it can’t smell my very real fear

#BTW public service announcement I like REAL sharks. glass Shark is my arch nemesis though #my art #my comics #illustration #art #mbmbam #justin mcelroy #comics #comics on tumblr #comic artist #artists on tumblr #digital illustration #summer #swimming pool #sharks #digital sketchbook #my brother my brother and me #mcelroy brothers #mcelroys

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inkskinned · 1 year

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something bad happened to you, and you died, and you came back wrong.

not wrong all the way. the little ways. you forget important dates, stopped going out with friends. it's harder to make you smile. you're apathetic towards things you used to love, afraid of places you used to go to cheer up. quieter. flinching. different.

you came back for love. you're still here for love. what pulled you back was a brightness so loud that even death couldn't outshout it. death heard the call and smiled at you and said okay. go home. somebody is waiting for you.

but you came back different. like lot's wife; you've turned into salt. you used to chirp through life in hops and skips; but now you lose skin just standing up. you have to move slower, skimming across this world without-touching-it. most things feel dull - until they're suddenly all-too-much. life, and being alive just rushes up and over you and you get hopelessly crushed.

you try to explain it to them: it is ugly, but this is what you are, now. the huge golden hoop of your halo now a little bronze ring. you are still watering your plants and wearing the same clothes. after all, you worked hard to come home. this life; so odd and off-color, now that you are wrong.

but they waited for you - it's just that they wanted the "you" that happened before this. the "you" that could sing in the show and hug people tight and look at a blade without breaking down to cry. the you with a smile in pictures. god, holyshit, it's like looking at a completely different person, isn't it. that other-you; the one they actually wanted.

you are the consolation prize. you are the body that forgot the ghost. you are the memory of the bad thing, and the death after; like you are wearing that memory as a banner. you are a fragment, an assembly. simulacrum. you don't make eye contact in mirrors, afraid the light will glance off and your true nature will flash back at you.

you hear them talk about it in their hushed, desperate whispers. sometimes they even admit it to your face; harsh and violent, acid thrown at christmas dinner. god, can you just fucking be normal again. you do not remember what normal is. you had to climb so far to get back here; you are far too exhausted. you want to open the glass door of your heart and show all the gears. can you help resolve whatever got messed up?

you try so, so hard. you came back for them. because you believed they would love you, even when you were so horribly broken. because you believed they would be patient. because you believed unconditional meant "without exception." you cannot do things the same way. you just get tired too quickly these days.

you want to put them on a couch and pour them the tea with hands that shake more than they remember. you want to line them up and draw them a map of where you have had to wander. you want to show every bruise in a backsplash; the little helpless ant of your soul carrying all that weight, over and over. you want to say: yes! it is different! but i did it for love!

you want to say: "i'm not the same, but i'm yours and i'm here. can that be enough?"

#this is very obviously about my battle with #ptsd #but i think it's also like a pretty apt metaphor for a lot of things like setting boundaries or going to therapy or choosing recovery #i was thinking about the 'comes back wrong' trope and i was like. oh no i have feelings about this bc i have mental illness #and once i stopped masking - i was WRONG. i was different #here's the good news: i am now INNUNDATED with love. fucking swimming in it. excelling at it. the people who stayed #learned my new self. my new different body and how i am different but i am trying. they have held me so tightly #and my life no longer feels quiet. it is not based in my suffering. it feels like i have been growing a tree in my chest #and now it is flowering.#it is so lovely to be surrounded by people who have said - oh! you cut off so many branches i was worried you weren't the same. but now...#... this is just a new you. and i love you. and i love that you're different and happy.#(but yeah also im nb so i was absolutely influenced by Trans things)

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shorlinesorrows · 5 months

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Give me a Percy Jackson who hates swim team. Who went to a public pool for swim lessons once when he was five and started to sob the second his skin hit the water

give me a Percy Jackson who is always just the slightest bit unsettled at pools because water is never meant to have the life sucked out of it and be divided into lanes or put in boxes in the ground

Water isn’t meant to be contained.

a percy jackson whose skin feels like it’s slowly beginning to burn when he tries to swim in chlorinated water, who hates any set swim stroke with a passion and can’t stick to one for the life of him

who doesn’t understand why you’d want to keep only to the surface of the water, when being cradled under the surface is everything

because swimming is supposed to be like the tides, maybe patterned, but never identical, it’s supposed to be flowing with the world around you as you please

Give me a Percy Jackson who loves the sheer nature of water so much that he can’t help but quietly despise our “pools” and their dead water with their constricted sides and restrictions on what it means to change with the world around you

A Percy Jackson who is the child of water in its most natural state, and who can hardly bear to see the way society has attempted to contain it and sterilize it and strip away its power

He hates swim team, but that’s only the half of it

#projecting just a little lol #But also I’ve always been surprised that so many people seem to think Percy would like swim team?#Maybe it was mentioned offhand in the books or something #But Percy always struck me as a person who would hate being stuck swimming laps for no reason #Like he loves swimming but he hates being forced to swim a certain way #This kid gets one whiff of chlorine and “rules” for swimming and he is OUT #Rambling mood #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #percy pjo #hoo #heroes of olympus #pjo headcanon #rick riordan #pjo hoo toa #pjo fandom #pjo #headcanon

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pearlynia · 1 month

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Sirius "dogfather" Black

Remus "I love you more than chocolate" Lupin

James "it's a stag not a deer🤓" Potter

Regulus "I'm not gonna learn how to swim, you can't tell me what to do! *Drowns not even a year later* Black

Barty "I'm not insane 🙄" (famous last words) Crouch

Evan *DEAD silent* Rosier

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hedgehog-moss · 10 months

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I always underestimate how easy it can be to entertain a teenager. I have this preconception that small kids find everything fun even mundane stuff while teens are jaded and self-conscious and need elaborate or cool activities, but my teen cousins are visiting this week and when they arrived I was in the greenhouse having an issue with the filter in one of the tanks, so I asked them if they could catch all the fish from one tank and move them to the other tank, and they were delighted to be given little dip nets and sit on the edge of the tank to hunt fish for 20min. As I asked them to do it I was thinking, it’s like those duck-fishing fairground games from when they were toddlers, they’ll probably think it’s a bit cringe, and five minutes into it these jaded teenagers were like, hey it’s like duck fishing at the funfair when we were toddlers, I've missed it, it’s fun :D

#it's my mum who has preconceptions about teenagers actually and then her concerns rub off on me #i'm like [teen cousins] are visiting this week and she's all worried like what are you going to do with them so they're not bored?#are there any escape games in your region?#the answer is no. The only escape game around here is the one pampérigouste thinks she was born in #but i made them play go fish with real fish and they were enchanted #tomorrow we will go for a swim in the stream with poldine

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difty-dift · 2 months

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