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lieslab · 4 months

Text

Skz finds you struggling with self-harm

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Og8 X gn reader

Genre: Angst & comfort/hurt

Word Count: 10.8k

A/N: This was a request and each member deals with a different type of behavior that can be considered a form of self-harm. To whoever requested this, I'm sorry for taking about a week. In a word document, this is about forty-five pages, so thank you for being patient while waiting. I hope you can find some comfort here <3

_ _ _

Bang Chan:

TW: Cigarettes and brief mention of cancer.

"What is this?" Chan gestured towards you.

"What does it look like?" You grumbled with the end of the cigarette in the corner of your mouth.

You ignored your boyfriend and kept glancing off into the darkened sky. You thought he was asleep as you stepped out onto your balcony, but apparently not. Either he wasn't asleep or you accidentally woke him up when you snuck out of your shared bed.

He stayed quiet while he observed you. You ignored his heavy gaze and pretended he wasn't there. You adjusted the cigarette back to the middle of your mouth. The end glowed a warm orange while you inhaled another mouthful of the smoke.

The oversized hoodie hung off your body. You threw it on hoping it'd catch the scent of nicotine instead of your pajamas. Silence hung over the two of you along with the stars. You didn't utter a word. Quite frankly, you didn't want to tell your boyfriend why you were outside on your balcony smoking a cigarette at 4am.

It was almost like he could read your mind. You exhaled and the tendrils of smoke drifted off into the distance. Realizing this was his chance, Chan broke the silence.

"Do you wanna talk abo-"

"Nope," you cut him off.

He pressed his lips together trying to figure out what to say to you. He knew whatever you were going through was bad. You only turn to cigarettes when life seems unbearable. Too caught up in his own life, he hadn't realized you were struggling so much. Worry and guilt began to nip at him.

He had shifted to wrap his arm around you in the bed, but you weren't there. When he opened his eyes, he was met with a barren bed and your silhouette outside on the balcony. He knew what you were doing the moment he opened the balcony door. He was instantly engulfed by the scent of tobacco.

No wonder you tasted so much like peppermint lately. Chewing peppermint gum, one piece after the next. Showing up to his studio tasting like mouthwash. You brushed your teeth after you smoked. Swishing around mouthwash and chasing the mouth-burning liquid with more minty gum hoping it'd block out the scent.

"Bad day?" He finally offered.

You snickered, "more like a bad life."

His heart squeezed in his chest at your remark. Surely, you didn't associate him with the bad part of your life, did you? Yeah, he was busy a lot because of his job, but what about the times you shared? Was it all bad?

Sensing his worry, you changed your wording.

"It's not a bad life, but things seem to be piling up lately. It's one thing after the next after the next. I purchase a pack of cigarettes and then the nicotine releases dopamine. I know it's bad, but it brings me a state of peace. Is it terrible to just want to relax for a while?"

"No," he admitted after a few silent seconds. "It's not bad, but it's dangerous."

You let out a sigh and closed your eyes. In the brazen moonlight, Chan could see everything. The full moon lit up every feature of your face. Seeing you like this beneath the soft glow, he wanted to smile, but your words twisted him with trepidation.

"I know I should care," you reopened your eyes. You blinked trying to hide the tears building up. "But honestly, I really don't give a shit. It says right on the box that it can cause lung cancer. I already feel rotten enough on the inside, so maybe it's what I deserve."

"Nobody deserves that."

You stared down at the burning cigarette in your hand. Embers drifted into the darkness while others scattered onto the ground below. The rolled paper around the cigarette continued to burn. Your brain begged for you to take another hit of the nicotine, but now your heart was in turmoil.

"You are an adult, you know. You're free to live your life as you wish. No matter what you choose to do, I can't stop you. However, as your significant other, I don't want to see you hurt."

"I know," your voice came out weak. All those emotions you had been suppressing were coming up again. "Can I be honest?"

"Of course, you can."

"I hate the taste of them," you chuckled and dropped the cigarette. The heel of your shoe crushed it into the ground. Your fingers gripped the metal ledge of the fence around the balcony.

Chan didn't utter a sound.

"It's been going on for a while, unfortunately. For a month, at least, and I'm not sure if I can easily stop." You hung your hands together over the edge of the railing.

"That's alright, you don't have to quit cold turkey. Maybe try to wean yourself off of them, okay?"

"Okay."

Tobacco stained your teeth. The soured flavor clung to your tongue. The scent draped over you like a heavy curtain. You bit down on the inside of your cheek wondering how you were going to pull yourself away from the thing you spent the past month finding comfort in.

"You don't have to do it alone," Chan spoke up again. "I'll be right here if you need me. You can talk to me whenever you need to."

You nodded your head.

"Do you want to discuss what made you turn to them in the first place?"

"Not really."

"Then we don't have to do that." He turned back to the moon and changed the topic. "The full moon is beautiful tonight. I don't remember the last time I've been able to stare at the moon like this."

"It's nice."

"Peaceful and quiet."

You mumbled an agreement as a yawn left your mouth.

"You wanna go back inside and get some more sleep?"

"That sounds good."

Not bothered by the scent, Chan walked over and put an arm around your shoulders. The two of you walked back into your bedroom. He locked the balcony door while you pulled off the hoodie you were wearing. You headed to the bathroom to brush your teeth.

After climbing into the bed, you curled yourself up against your boyfriend, happy that you were able to find someone as patient and understanding as him.

_ _ _

Lee Know:

TW: Using alcohol to cope with problems, depression, and self-hatred.

Lee Know was used to you occasionally drinking. You did it, he did it, and your friends did it. However, when he came home on the third day in a row to find you with a bottle of wine, his eyebrows furrowed.

There you were curled up on your favorite spot on the couch. The large TV sat in front of you and you grinned while watching some raunchy romance show. His eyes scanned the area. A bowl of popcorn sat in your lap. A glass of wine was tucked into your hand. Too enthralled in your show, you didn't hear him come in.

The bright screen lit up the transparent bottle to show that it was nearly gone. You just opened that bottle yesterday, so how was it gone already? He blinked in shock and stepped closer towards you.

He snuck up behind you, without meaning to startle you, and stuck his hands on your shoulders. You let out a yelp and jumped. The popcorn bowl upturned and kernels and popcorn pieces scattered across the carpet.

"Sorry, baby, I didn't mean to scare you."

"Well, you did," you frowned and stared at the mess. You sighed, placed your glass on the coffee table in front of you, and began to stand up. The world seemed to tilt and you fell forward.

"Woah!" Lee Know jerked forward, grabbed the back of your shirt from over the couch, and yanked you back to safety.

You laughed as you plopped back down on the couch. Your boyfriend frowned at your reaction. If he wouldn't have caught you, you would have hit the coffee table. He kicked off his shoes and climbed over the edge of the couch. You giggled while he pulled you into his grasp.

He leaned back comfortably against the arm of the couch. With you in his arms, he tugged you back against his chest. Your ear was pressed up against his heart. The gentle thrum soothed your soul.

"How much alcohol have you had to drink today?" He began to run a hand through your hair.

You half-shrugged on top of him.

"One glass?"

"More."

"Two?"

"More."

"Three?"

"I don't know."

"Four?"

"Mmh, maybe."

He paused and glanced back over to the bottle of the wine. Last night, it was nearly full, so you drank more than half of it. You were upping your alcohol content steadily. He frowned and stared back at you. You seemed okay the past few days, but clearly something was bothering you.

He opened his mouth to speak, but you beat him to it.

"Do you ever hate yourself?"

"Huh?" He was caught off-guard by your comment.

"Do you ever hate yourself?" You repeated. "Lately, I've been feeling like I'm not a very good person."

Lee Know kept watching you. You were pronouncing your words properly, so you must not have been too drunk. He glanced up at the analog clock stuck to the side wall. You were home before him in the early evenings. You had, at least, five hours to drink before he got home.

"Why do you think that you're not a good person?"

"I don't know."

"There must be some reason."

"I feel ugly!" You blurted out. "I feel gross and disgusting about myself. I look at myself in the mirror and I hate what I see. I've been sad and I haven't wanted to get out of bed. I have zero motivation to get out of bed or brush my teeth or do anything."

"Oh?"

"I feel icky inside and out. You tell me all the time that I'm beautiful. You're always there, but I'm not able to see myself like you are. Maybe I feel so gross because it's a struggle to get out of bed. I don't know, but the other day I had a glass of wine and it felt nice and then I had another and I felt okay again."

"So you're using alcohol to attempt to cope?" There was a sadness in Lee Know's voice.

"Uh-huh and you know what?"

"What?"

"It's working very well. I am so light and I feel so good. I feel like I can laugh again. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside."

Lee Know tilted himself closer towards your face. He leaned over you and cupped your cheeks gently. You peeled open your eyes and met his. A goofy grin filled your face at the sudden closeness.

"Whatcha doing?"

"Don't I make you feel warm and fuzzy? Do I have to remind you?"

"Of course, you make me feel that way! You give me butterflies. I love you so much, you don't even know. I can't put it into words how you make me feel."

"So you're feeling bad about yourself?"

"Uh-huh."

"What if I gave you a kiss every time your brain said something bad about you? You stop drinking the wine and I'll replace it with kisses."

His boba eyes stared intently into yours. You blinked in shock. It wasn't often that Lee Know was so touchy with you. He patiently waited for your answer and squished your cheeks a little more. A grin began to stretch across his face. He cooed and squished your cheeks more. You began to giggle at his antics.

"Is that a yes?"

"Uh-huh."

He bent down and gave you a quick upside down kiss. Still tipsy, you squealed in delight. He puckered his lips and did it again. Pulling away, he rubbed your cheeks. "So how was it?"

"I think I need another one."

"Already?" He threw his head back and let out a dramatic groan.

"You said if my brain was saying something bad!"

"That's right, I did say that. So I must prevail in my efforts to comfort the love of my life. Pucker up and get ready for a love bombing."

"A love wh-"

Before you could finish, he leaned down and began placing kisses all over your face. Your laughter only added fuel to his fire. He kept going and going and going until he ran out of air panting. He threw himself back over the arm of the couch gasping for breath.

"More!" You cried out.

"More?" He threw his hands up. "You're just taking advantage of my love!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yeah-huh!"

"Nuh-uh!"

He leaned forward, wrapped his arms around you tightly, and squeezed your body. You wiggled, but your arms were pinned to your sides. You whined and squirmed, but you were no match for him.

"What are you doing?"

"Prison of love." He planted a soft kiss on the top of your head. "You're here until further notice."

_ _ _

Changbin:

TW: Razors/razor blades, cutting, and self-hatred.

“They couldn’t have grown legs and walked away,” Changbin grumbled. He climbed further into the cabinet, beneath the bathroom sink, and pushed products aside. Dropped down on all fours, his torso was completely inside the darken and confined space.

He was attempting to try and find a pack of his disposable razors, but he couldn’t find any of them. He swore he just bought another pack last week, but they were missing. He pushed aside backup bottles of body wash and shampoo. Diving further into conditioner and cotton balls, he dug back further, but to no avail.

He pushed himself backwards and whacked his head on the top of the cabinet in the process. A loud groan left his mouth and it woke you up. In the room next door, you had fallen asleep early. Exhausted from another day at work, you were defeated by the time you came home. Within seconds of your body hitting the pillow, you were out.

You blinked your bleary eyes and rubbed them wondering what was going on. Through the thin bathroom door, Changbin was mumbling. You couldn’t hear what he was saying, but he seemed to be upset about something.

As you pushed yourself away from the tangled blankets, Changbin dived back beneath the cabinet to look again. He shoved the small basket of product to the side and when his razors weren’t in the very back, he jerked himself out again. A hand went to the porcelain sink to propel himself up.

Crash!

You stumbled over your feet worried that your boyfriend might have fallen. Picking up your pace, you knocked when you arrived at the door and called out to make sure Changbin was alright. Not hearing a response, you panicked even more.

“I’m coming in,” you called out.

When you stepped inside, you found a teary eyed Changbin staring at the floor. You stepped up beside him quickly wondering what was wrong. On the tile floor, lay the scattered remnants of the bathroom trash can. A shampoo bottle laid beside it.

Right there on top? One of Changbin’s disposable razors was completely dismantled. Twisted blue plastic with a missing razor blade. You made sure to hide it deep within the trash can beneath the snotty tissues and makeup remover wipes. You didn’t take into consideration that the trash can might fall over.

The pieces began to click together in your brain. You had been using Changbin’s razors for a while now. Prying apart the plastic and so desperate to feel something again. You found a friend in the cold metal blade. The stinging sensation somehow seemed to mend your internal wounds.

Humiliation filled you and the guilt of it all crept in. You swallowed the lump in your throat as your own tears filled your eyes. You remained cemented to the floor unable to speak and unable to explain. There was nothing to explain anyways, Changbin knew what you were doing instantly.

The two of you stayed silent. Changbin ran through your behavior the past few days in his head. You stopped wearing pajama shorts to bed, but fall had turned into winter. He didn’t question why you switched your clothes. When you didn’t want to be touched as much, he hadn’t questioned it.

Boundaries and communication were so important to him. He knew not to cross them. The two of you were honest with each other constantly. It helped your relationship flow smoothly, it helped prevent arguments, and it left the two of you satisfied; but this? How long had you been keeping this a secret?

“Why?” He finally got out.

“I’m sorry.” Your voice was shaky as you spoke. You felt so small. So helpless. Rather, you let down one of the most important people in your life. Would he see you through the lens that you saw yourself?

He turned around to face you. There was no hint of anger. His face wasn’t twisted and there wasn’t a scowl. Hurt was in his eyes. He reached out and cupped your face again. “Why are you doing this?”

“I’ll replace your razors and I won’t do it again.”

“But why?” His thumbs brushed against your cheeks to wipe away tears. “Why are you hurting yourself?” You blurred in his vision.

You blinked rapidly trying to get the tears to stop. You didn’t want to admit you hated yourself. You didn’t admit you found comfort in the pain. You didn’t want to admit any of it. You were stuck at a crossroad.

“Please talk to me.” He waited patiently for you to speak. When you didn’t, he pulled you into his burly arms. Warmth cocooned your body and cradled your soul.

“I didn’t mean to start. I’ve struggled with it before, you already know that.” You sniffled and sucked in a deep breath. “It got bad again and I just wanted to self-soothe. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry for disappointing you.”

He rubbed your back gently. Your head was tucked beneath his chin. His heartbeat walloped in his chest. “You didn’t disappoint me, you’re hurting inside. You have to learn how to be gentle with yourself, baby. You could never disappoint me.”

More tears filled your eyes. They began to trickle down and soak his shirt, but he didn’t seem to mind. You let yourself be held by him.

“You’re allowed to hurt and you’re allowed to be sad, but how about we try to do something else that doesn’t harm you? I don’t want you to hurt yourself. You don’t understand how precious your existence is to me. You mean everything to me.”

A strangled sob came from the back of your throat. You broke down completely in his arms. He treated you with such tenderness and love, it made you cry harder. He soothed you quietly while he began listing some of your best qualities.

You cried and cried and cried until you were completely defeated. Everything you had been holding back came up. Beneath your pajama pants, your thighs stung from the fabric brushing up against them. You tried to hide them. You forced yourself into your jeans.

The fabric rubbed and created irritation. The water in the shower hurt. They always hurt. Just as old wounds began to itch and heal, you created new ones to remind yourself just how worthless you were. The cycle had started again and it’d continue until you stopped.

Changbin spoke to you how a mother spoke to her newborn baby. Praising you for the smallest things. Dotting on you and gently rocking you side to side. They say a mother’s heartbeat comforts a baby in the wound. With you pressed up against and hearing Changbin’s heart through your sobs, maybe that’s why you felt comfortable enough to fall apart.

When you finally finished sobbing, you were left breathless and exhausted. Changbin’s heartbeat continued to thrum. Exhaustion weighed heavily upon you and Changbin planted a soft kiss on the top of your head.

“Come on, let’s get you into bed.”

You didn’t object as he picked you up and carried you back to your shared room. Concerned about your well-being still laced him. No matter how much he wanted to continue talking about it, you needed to get some sleep. Tomorrow, he’d help you come up with a better plan to cope, but for now, he’d be by your side until you woke up again.

_ _ _

Hyunjin:

TW: Skin picking, hair pulling, anxiety, and blood.

You didn’t realize Hyunjin moved from his spot until you felt his hand gently cup your wrist. You glanced down with confusion etched onto your face. He gave you a reassuring smile before he spoke. “You’re doing it again.”

You glanced down with a frown. Sure enough, you were doing it again without realizing it. Lost in your overwhelming thoughts, you began to pick at the scratch on your arm. Your sharpened nails plucked at the skin. The darkened red bits of healing wounds were reopened. A fresh trail of trickling blood steadily streaked down your arm.

“Ah, shit.”

You stood up and mumbled an apology. In the bathroom, you began washing your hands in the bathroom sink, so you could address the problem. Out in the kitchen, Hyunjin was doing the same thing. With hands still damp from hastily drying them with the kitchen towel, he walked into the bathroom and gently tugged your wrist again.

The uncomfortable feeling of humiliation crept inside as Hyunjin observed your bleeding arm. Lately, you found yourself doing things without even realizing it. Digging your nails along your skin and creating scratches. Gnawing at the sides of your nails and ripping off perfectly healthy skin.

A few days ago, you began to pluck at the end of your eyebrow. You didn’t realize it until Hyunjin came home and pointed it out. On the side of your head, beneath a top layer of hair, there was a bald patch growing back. It never really registered what you were doing until it was too late.

Wound tight with anxiety, you floated away from reality and let yourself meander a river of worry. Your fingers moved without realizing it. Your body was desperate to soothe itself even when you were consciously away from the driver’s seat of your brain.

Hyunjin didn’t mind pointing it out. He knew how you could be and if anything, he was happy he could get you to stop. Pulling you out of that cloudy blank daze and helping bring you back to reality. He was careful with every movement. He didn’t want to startle or injure you more.

“You really don’t have to do this,” you mumbled.

“I know I don’t have to, but I want to.”

You stayed silent and let him rinse the blood off your arm. You watched him clean up, disinfect, and bandage the scratch on your forearm. It had been healing for the past few days. The other day, you dug your nails into the delicate skin. When you scraped your nails down, your skin came with it. Pulled from your thoughts by the feeling of warm blood beneath your fingers, you realized you had injured yourself yet again.

You knew it was nothing to be ashamed of. Hyunjin was a constant reminder of that. There was no judgment from him whatsoever. However, every time he caught you doing it, you felt like a child upsetting a parent. He hadn’t made it known that he was annoyed with your behavior, but you were sure he felt that way deep down.

The thought nagged at you while he threw the last bits of band-aid paper into the trash can. He hummed softly beneath his breath and washed his hands like it wasn’t a big deal. Suds filled his hands and the scent of citrus hit your nose.

“Why are you never mad at me?” You finally snapped. You didn’t mean for it to come off so snarky, but you didn’t understand why he was so cool, calm, and collected about your behavior. In your head, it was inexcusable.

“Why would I be?” He asked cooly. His face remained neutral and he dried his hands on a hand towel.

“Aren’t you annoyed or angry or, I don’t know, upset maybe? Sometimes I’m aware I do it, but I continue doing it. I don’t care if it hurts. It just….I don’t know!” You threw up your hands exasperated. “Why are you so okay with it?”

Hyunjin eyed you for a moment. You still couldn’t read his thoughts. He kept his face neutral until he cocked his head to the side. “What if it was me?”

“Huh?”

“If I did what you did. If I picked and plucked and tore and scraped and scratched; would you be annoyed or upset?”

“No!” Your head shook frantically. “Of course, I wouldn’t be like that.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re you. I love you and you deserve compassion. I’d never want you to feel like you were doing something wrong and I-” You paused for a moment. “Oh.”

The side of Hyunjin’s lips tugged into the start of a smile. “Yeah, exactly. Do I think you should do it? No, but I understand why you’re doing it.”

“I don’t know how to stop,” you finally admitted.

“I was doing some research the other day and they said it helps if you wear gloves. However, I know that’s not always a possibility because you hate gloves. There was another article I found about keeping your hands busy.”

“So like a stress ball?”

“That’s one option, but I was thinking of something else.” He laced his fingers through yours and began to pull you away from the bathroom. “You know how you always like my art? You’re always wishing you could create art as well as I do?”

“Yeah.”

He pulled you into your bedroom and retrieved a plastic bag from beneath the bed. He handed it to you and let you open it. You stared at it cautiously and then glanced up at him.

“Go ahead and open it. It’s not going to hurt you or anything. Come on,” he grinned, “you’ll love it.”

You stuck your hand inside and began to pull out objects. A sketchpad was followed by a bright pink eraser and a pack of fancy pencils Hyunjin always used to create sketches. He beamed when a smile appeared on your face.

“You got these for me?”

“You’ve been wanting to do art for a while now. I can help teach you and I created a YouTube video playlist of videos I first watched when I created art. When I’m not around, you’ll be able to watch them and learn.”

You opened your mouth to say something, but he cut you off.

“I know it might not help entirely, but it’s a good distraction. If you start this and don’t like it, I’ve been talking to Felix. He sent over some of the recipes he makes a lot. Maybe you could give baking a shot?” He offered.

Tears began to fill your eyes from the warmth that fluttered through your heart.

“What?” His face fell. “Do you not like this? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” He rushed towards you and began to wipe away your tears. “I don’t want to seem overbearing and like I’m trying to fix you. That’s not what I’m trying to do, I swear! I-I just want to help you.”

You laughed at his distress. He paused upon seeing your reaction. You sniffled and shook your head. Pulling away, you began to speak.

“I’m not crying because I’m sad. I’m not sad, I’m so happy. You didn’t have to do all this for me. I’m so grateful and I feel so overwhelmed.”

“So they’re happy tears?”

You nodded and laughed again. More tears streamed down your cheeks. A smile began to grow on Hyunjin’s face again.

“Thank you for caring about me.”

“I’ll always care about you.” He leaned over and wrapped his arms around you. “I’ll do anything to see you happy. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

_ _ _

Han:

TW: Gambling and gambling addiction.

The question sat unspoken on your tongue. You knew what you were doing was wrong and yet you couldn’t stop yourself. You shifted in your spot on the couch for a fourth time trying to gather up the courage to ask.

Your boyfriend’s eyes were glued to the latest anime the two of you had been watching. He was clueless about your antics. You sucked in a deep breath and called out his name. When he didn’t respond, you called his name a little louder.

He snapped his head towards you with his big eyes and round cheeks. Even without meaning to, your boyfriend was attractive. You pushed away the thought and focused back on the task at hand.

“Can I ask for a favor?”

“What kind of favor?”

In the background, the characters in the anime continued fighting each other. Brightly colored hair flung around and over dramatic sound effects whirled. Fists flew and bodies bucked. Screams of despair from the hero and bouts of anger from the villain continued.

The anime reminded you of yourself. You were the hero and you were the villain. Always flipping back and forth between the two, a switch toggled, but it never flipped fully. You were reckless with life decisions. Messy without thinking things through. Acting in the heat of the moment without thinking about the effects.

“Can I borrow five-hundred dollars?”

“Huh?” Han’s eyes widened in shock. “Five…hundred? What? Why?”

Your eyes met the ground. You felt pathetic. Your form of self-harm wasn’t physically damaging your body. You didn’t turn to substances to cope with things. You threw yourself into gambling instead. Every paycheck, you went through money like water. You were a pro at self-sabotaging.

You managed to keep just enough to make ends meet and then you’d blow the rest of it. Chasing the high of winning, you didn’t know how to stop. The worst part? You were pretty decent at it. Whether it was making bets with your friends about small things or feeding freshly dispensed ATM cash into slot machines at the casino, you were good.

Lately, you had been on a winning streak. The cash was pooling in. Over and over again you won and each time, the dopamine rush was more intense than the last. You were seeing green, at least, until greed brought you to your knees.

You bet everything in the heat of the moment. You bet it all and within a few seconds, you lost everything. It was there and then it was gone. Even worse, you realized you hadn’t put the money aside for your half of the rent. You were royally fucked and with no more money to bet to try and make some of it back, you were screwed.

You didn’t leave the casino giddy with excitement. You didn’t sprint to the front desk to redeem your money from the ticket in your hand happily. You didn’t relish the fresh air outside with loaded pockets feeling unstoppable. You left with tears in your eyes and humiliation coursing through your veins.

“Five-hundred?” Han repeated again, completely baffled. He reached over, paused the show, and sat up. “Baby, why do you need five-hundred dollars? Did something happen?”

You could have lied. You could have said something went wrong with the payroll at work. You could have said the system broke and your paycheck would be delayed. You could have pretended your bank account was hacked. As you ran through the lies in your head, they made you feel even more grimy and worthless.

Heart taught with distress, you squeezed your eyes shut and balled your hands into fists. Your nails dug into your palms. This was your fault. You did this. You made your bed and now you’d have to lie in it.

“I really fucked up,” you finally admitted. You stayed silent for a few moments. You weren’t sure how Han would react to your admission of guilt. You let out a sigh before you opened your eyes and spoke again. “I think I have a problem.”

“What kind of problem?” Han stretched forward. He laid down on his stomach and tucked his palms beneath his head. He tilted his head up to stare at you from his position. “Anything I can help with?”

“I might have gambled all my money away.”

“You what?”

“I know it sounds bad.” You were sheepish to speak. “I forgot to set aside rent money. I know it’s no excuse, but it left my mind.”

Han stared at you without a word. You were too afraid to glance over at him. Your eyes never left the floor.

“So the five-hundred dollars is to cover my half of the rent. I promise I’ll pay you back!” You peeked over at him. Eyes filled with desperation, you hoped he’d understand. “I don’t like asking you for assistance, but our landlord won’t budge on the rent being due at the end of this week and I don’t get paid until next week.”

“Did you just start this or…” He trailed off.

“It’s been happening for a few months. When I hang out with my friends, we go to the casinos and stuff. It was really fun and before I knew it, I was hooked on it. I couldn’t stop it no matter how hard I tried.”

“Of course, I’ll cover your part of the rent.”

Relief filled your veins.

“But.”

“But?”

“But it sounds like this is a big issue. This was a pretty big incident that happened to you. What would happen if this occurs again and there’s nobody there to help you?”

You frowned and shifted once more uncomfortably beneath the weight of his gaze. “Honestly, I never really thought about it. I think I might be obsessed with it. I live for the feeling of being a winner.”

“Don’t you think you should stop before you become a loser?”

Your face fell at his words. He scooted closer to you and scooped you up to his chest. You could barely breathe as his arms constricted around you.

“I don’t mean it in a bad way, but this is concerning. I care about you and I don’t want to see you lose everything. Do you understand where I’m coming from?”

You weakly nodded your head. He clutched to you tightly in the silence. The anime was still paused in the background. A fist froze in mid-air as it was ready to slam into the villain who stood with wide eyes of terror. His fingers found the ends of your hair and he began to twirl his fingers around it.

“Han?”

“Yes, baby?”

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop. I’ve been doing it for a while now. I thought I’d be able to give it up, but it’s like an itch that won’t go away.”

He paused for a moment before he hummed. His tongue clicked while he thought about the situation. His fingers lazily tapped along your spine. You laid with your head on his chest. He sat sideways on the couch while he held you.

“I’ve heard that there are some therapists that specialize in therapy for gambling addicts.”

The air was knocked from your lungs. You felt like you couldn’t breathe. You stiffened in his arms at the words. Shame filled you once more. That’s exactly what you were, you were an addict. This whole time you were afraid to label it, but that’s what it was.

“Are you okay?”

“I feel pathetic.”

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay.” Han clutched you tighter. “A lot of people struggle with addictions. It doesn’t mean you’re worth any less to me. If anything, I’m proud of you for coming to me with this problem. They say the first step is admitting you have a problem and you’re right there.”

“Your addiction doesn’t define you,” he continued. “We all struggle with a lot of different things. It can come in different varieties and all shapes and sizes. You don’t have to be ashamed of something that’s so normal.”

“I don’t think this is normal.”

“Not for everyone, no. However, I’m sure there’s thousands of people out there just like you. Some people are in denial and don’t want to admit it. Others are afraid and some feel like they have nobody to turn to. Everyone has their reasons and I’m sure you have yours.”

His words wrapped around you like a safety net. They eased some of your anxiety about the whole situation. You mumbled an apology for everything and he reassured you that it’d be okay. He stared at you with such love and admiration, even when you weren’t paying attention to it.

“So how about we finish our anime and we can figure everything out after this episode?”

“You want to see who wins the battle, don’t you?” A smirk began to appear on your face.

“Maybe just a little.”

“You might want to watch, at least, the next two episodes.”

“You already know what happens?”

“Nope, I’m just betting on the fight being cut early and something dramatic happening.”

He stared at you unamused and despite the situation that had bloomed due to your actions, all you could do was laugh at your own word-play.

_ _ _

Felix:

TW: Overworking, caffeine addiction, and anxiety.

A frown filled Felix’s face when he laid his eyes upon you. He arrived home late tonight due to a few extra late dance practices. He expected to find you asleep in your bed, but instead you were hunched over your desk in the pitch black.

The bright light of your laptop illuminated your face while your fingers moved over the keys. Your eyes were narrowed and you were stuck in a trance. Beside you, three empty energy drinks sat. A fourth was directly beside you and half drank.

This morning, there weren’t any on the desk. He made sure of that because he removed them and tossed them into the recycling bin after you left for work. He ventured further into the room, let his bag fall towards the ground, and began to speak.

“Baby, what are you doing?”

He was met by the sound of you typing. The white light from your laptop highlighted the deep bags from beneath your eyes. You felt like your brain was melting, but the high caffeine content kept you going. You weren’t behind on work, in fact, you were ahead of everything.

You worked a normal nine to five and then came home and worked some more. Sometimes your line of work required you to do extra work at home and sometimes you just wanted to work ahead. Felix often tried to get you to lay off overworking yourself, but you never listened.

You had been like this for the past two weeks. You barely ate and slept. You were always hunched over your laptop. Emailing coworkers and upper management. Passing and trading reports back and forth. Filing and submitting different claims. Making phone calls, so on, and so forth.

Felix’s shoulders slumped when you didn’t respond. Just looking at the purple bags looming beneath your eyes made him tired. He let out a yawn and rubbed his eyes.

“Baby, come on. You can finish this in the morning. You’ve been working all day and you need to get some sleep.”

You blinked upon hearing the voice and briefly glanced over at your boyfriend. His eyes were half closed with sleepiness. It was past one in the morning. You gazed down at the clock on your screen.

“Go ahead and get in bed. I’ll be there in a few minutes. Just let me finish up this report real quick.” You went back to your screen and continued to type.

Felix let out a sigh, but went about his evening routine. He slipped into pajamas, completed his skincare routine, brushed his teeth, and slipped into the bed. It was cold without the warmth of your body. His head slumped against the pillow defeatedly and he waited for you.

And he waited and he waited and then he waited some more. He tossed to one side and then the other. He tried to lay on his back and then he tried to sleep on his stomach. Haunted by the quick pecking of your laptop keyboard, he couldn’t get himself to sleep.

He huffed slightly annoyed, shoved the blankets away from his legs, and he sat up. “Baby, are you coming to bed? You said you’d only take a few more minutes.” He glanced over at the clock beside him. “It’s been nearly a half hour since then.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be there soon,” you responded absentmindedly. Your eyes were bloodshot and your spine ached. You tilted your neck to the side and small pops sounded. Ignoring them, you took another sip of your energy drink, and went back to typing.

Felix’s eyes narrowed and daggers hit your back. His arms crossed over his chest. You were unaware as you continued typing on your laptop. After nearly another minute of silence, he finally shoved himself up.

Unbeknownst to you, he left your bedroom and headed for the living room. He wasted no time shutting off the internet router box and slipped back into your bedroom without a sound. It didn’t take long until you frantically clicked your mouse and let out a groan.

“Something wrong?”

“The internet went out in the middle of my report!”

“That sucks.” His voice held no sympathy. “We’ll figure it out in the morning. Come on, let’s go to bed.”

You grumbled, but eventually shut your laptop and climbed into the bed. Happily, he curled up into the bed beside you and buried his head into your chest. It didn’t take long before he fell asleep due to exhaustion, but you couldn’t.

The caffeine had you wired. You were wound up and didn’t want to sit still. You laid there for a while to make sure Felix was fully asleep. Once you were sure he was out, you slipped out of bed and ventured out into the living room. You reset the router and within minutes, you were back online.

Nearly an hour later, Felix was well aware that you weren’t there. He woke up and reached out to cuddle you, but you were gone. He sat up wondering where you were. Upon realizing you weren’t in the bedroom, he went out to look for you.

That’s when he found you in the living room with two more energy drinks beside you. You were sipping a third one. Felix was flabbergasted at your behavior. How much caffeine was cruising through your veins?

“Baby?”

You stopped typing and glanced up to face your boyfriend. You paused and meekly smiled at his sudden appearance. “Hi?”

His arms crossed over his chest and your heart sunk. He stared at you without a word. You slowly put down the energy drink on the coffee table.

“Do you have a death wish?”

“What?”

“Do you have a death wish?”

“What are you talking about?”

“How many energy drinks have you had today?”

“I-” You paused to think about his question. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“Felix, it’s not that big of a deal. I always drink energy drinks. Calm down and go back to bed. I’ll be there soon, I promise.”

“No. Put your laptop down and let’s go. You’re going to bed. Do you know how many days this has happened? Multiple.”

“You’re being irrational!” Your voice started to rise. “Stop being so fucking dramatic! God, they’re just energy drinks, Felix! It’s not like they’re going to kill me!”

“Are you hearing yourself?”

You rubbed your sleepy eyes and let out an annoyed groan. “Can’t you just leave me alone? Why do you care so much? I’m doing my job!”

“Part of your job is to take care of yourself as a person! When was the last time you got eight hours of sleep? When was the last time you had a decent meal?” His voice began to crack. Tears started to fill his eyes. “When was the last time you were happy and not slung over your computer?”

You felt like you had been slapped in the face by his words. Your mouth went dry, almost like you inhaled a mouthful of sand. You wanted to say something back, but there was nothing you could use to justify yourself.

“Why don’t you care about yourself the way I care about you?” His bottom lip quivered. “You’re always telling me to take care of myself. You’re always making sure I’m not overworking myself, but what about you? I don’t want you to die.”

Tears trickled down his freckled cheeks. He hadn’t meant to cry, but he was frustrated. Why couldn’t you see yourself like he could? Why didn’t you care? Why weren’t you listening to him?

“Felix,” your voice came out softer.

He shook his head and blinked rapidly to get rid of the tears. “I’m going back to bed. You can just stay here sipping your energy drinks and overworking yourself. When you collapse with a heart attack, don’t come crying to me.” He stormed back towards your room upset with your behavior.

The slam of your bedroom door caused you to jump. You looked down at the energy drinks you were consuming and guilt began to fill you. He was right. He was right about all of it. You were absolutely miserable.

The caffeine made you shaky and it spiked your anxiety. You were so dependent on it, if you didn’t have any, you started to develop a throbbing headache. You became aware of your heart rapidly beating in your chest. How much longer could you keep up this behavior before it burst?

With a sigh, you shut your laptop and pushed it onto the coffee table. You walked back to the room you shared with Felix. Shame filled you once more. Quietly, you opened the bedroom door and stepped inside.

Felix was turned away from your side of the bed. He was facing the wall with his arms still crossed over his chest. Silent tears flooded down his cheeks still. You weren’t sure if he was awake or not, so you softly called his name.

“What?” His voice wasn’t angry anymore. He was completely defeated.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized. “I didn’t realize my behavior was upsetting you so much. I didn’t think it was making you worry. I’m sorry for yelling at you. You didn’t deserve that at all.”

There was silence for a while until he spoke again. “I’ll always worry about you. I don’t want to see you get hurt. Part of our relationship is to look out for one another.”

You padded over and slipped beneath the covers. Once he felt the bed stop shifting, he spun around so he could face you. The dim light from a nearby lamp caused a soft yellow glow to overcast. There were tears still in his eyes. They were smeared along his cheeks.

Your heart hurt at the sight of him. He moved closer to you and wrapped his arms around you. He buried his face in the crook of your neck. He mumbled into your skin and the vibrations caused tingles to run through you.

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“I’m not going anywhere, I swear. I sent an email to my boss and told her I wouldn’t be there tomorrow. You have the day off, right?”

“Mmhm.”

“Let’s spend the day together, yeah?”

He pulled away from you. His eyes sparkled as they met yours. “Really?”

You nodded your head before you leaned over and kissed his cheek. A rosy blush dusted the tops of them. “You wanna help me get rid of my energy drink stash tomorrow?”

“You have a stash?”

“I always have a stash.”

“You’re not gonna get mad?”

“No. You’re right, I need to stop. I kinda feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest. It’s beating so fast right now.”

“Or maybe that’s just because I’m here.” A cheesy grin filled his face. He leaned up and kissed your cheek this time.

“Yeah, maybe it’s just because you’re here.”

He snuggled back down into the crook of your neck. You let out a soft sigh at his warmth. It didn’t take long until you both fell asleep tangled around each other.

_ _ _

Seungmin:

TW: Starvation, disordered eating, binging, and poor self esteem/body image.

Seungmin chewed his instant noodles peacefully across from you. With a fork in one hand and his phone in the other, he was content while scrolling through social media. On the other side of the table, you sipped your glass of ice water and did the same.

The only difference was that you did not have instant noodles in front of you. You sat up straight at the kitchen table with your fingers digging into your plastic cup. Condensation pooled against your fingers and left a ring along the wood. You scrolled through your social media too.

The scent of beef broth filled your nostrils. Your empty stomach twisted and contorted. It rumbled for the third time. You shifted in your chair and continued scrolling through your phone. Your fingers paled as you dug them into your cup tighter.

You silently salivated in your seat. The things you’d do to have a single bite of your boyfriend’s noodles; the warmth of flavorful sodium filled broth lining your stomach. Your teeth bit down onto your bottom lip once again.

The feeling of hunger was sharp and dull. Your stomach searched for food, but it had nothing. The feeling of cold water pooling in the bottom of your stomach filled you with a sense of pride. You were starving, yeah, but you had self control. In your brain, this was a win.

When your stomach roared again, Seungmin glanced over the top of his phone. He eyed you suspiciously. Lately, you seemed to be pushing away food. He didn’t talk about it much because he didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.

After all, he had been on his own fair share of diets. He knew they could be difficult, but you never mentioned a diet. In fact, he hadn’t seen you eat anything recently. Realizing this, a frown filled his face.

You glanced up at the feeling of eyes on you. When your eyes met Seungmin’s, you raised an eyebrow. He copied your expression without a word.

“Are you hungry?” He asked.

Your eyes went back down to the instant noodles. He picked up another forkful of them. Noodles snaked through the fork prongs and dripped with broth. You pulled your eyes away and shook your head. Your eyes went back to your phone and you swallowed another mouthful of cold water.

He glanced at his noodles and then back to you. Down to his noodles and back to you. When your stomach cried out again, his eyes went back to you for a final time. This time he blurted it out without warning.

“Why aren’t you eating?”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Bullshit. Your stomach has been roaring like a lion for the past five minutes. You’re starving, so why aren’t you eating?” You kept your eyes secured to your phone. “Talk to me, babe.”

You didn’t dare take your eyes off the phone. You didn’t put it down because you were too afraid you’d spill and that’d ruin everything. You gave a slight head shake and went back to scrolling.

Seungmin sighed, got up, and began rummaging through the cupboards. You watched with curious eyes while he pulled out another cup of instant ramen. You tried to ignore him, but when he added hot water, the smell of beef broth caused your stomach to rumble once more.

You cursed beneath your breath and set your phone down. As you pushed yourself back, the wooden legs of your chair scraped against the ground. Seungmin turned around, alerted by the noise, to find you leaving the room.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“To the bedroom.”

“No you’re not. Get back here and sit down. We’re going to have a conversation about why you’re not eating. Sit your ass in the chair.”

“But I-”

“No. Sit down and shut up.” He placed the cup of noodles in the spot where you were sitting. His eyes narrowed while he stared at you.

You wanted to turn around and ignore him. When Seungmin made up his mind, he made up his mind. There was no use in running away from the problem. He’d hunt you down and figure out the root of the problem anyway.

You sighed and sat back down. He pushed a fork over to you and plopped down in his own seat. You stared down at the cup of noodles and your mind began to wander.

How many calories were in it? How much sodium? What if this single cup of noodles caused you to lose control? What if this single meal caused you to spiral into a binge? On and on your internal thoughts went and Seungmin had no idea.

“Why aren’t you eating?”

“I’m not hungry,” you repeated.

He crossed his arms over his chest and waited in silence for your real answer. You bit down on the inside of your cheek. You shifted beneath his eyes again. He knew exactly how to make you squirm.

“I don’t feel like I deserve to eat,” you meekly admitted. You didn’t meet his eyes. You kept staring at the steam rising from the cup of noodles.

“Why not?”

You shrugged, but then continued anyway. “I feel like I deserved to be punished for not being good enough.” Your fingers played with the ends of your hoodie sleeves.

“Not good enough? What do you mean you’re not good enough? What are you talking about?”

“I could be better. My body isn’t in the best shape right now. It’s a simple way to lose weight. Honestly, I kind of like the feeling of starving. It makes me feel strangely powerful.”

“But you have to eat.” He leaned forward and reached his hand out. He was gentle as he cupped his hand over yours. “How are you going to have the strength to get through your days without food?”

You shrugged your shoulders again. It felt pathetic when you said it out loud. Your stomach continued rumbling. The scent of beef broth was overwhelming now that it was closer.

“How long has this been going on?”

“It just started this week.”

Seungmin stared at you wondering how he could help you. He knew about eating disorders, but he didn’t know how to help you. The answer seemed so simple to him, but your brain wasn’t wired like his was.

Food was not fuel for you, it was a daily challenge; a struggle. A battle of binging and starvation. Something you loved and loathed at the exact same time. It was gluttony, but perfection; a twisted combination of the two. You never seemed to find middle ground.

“That notebook that you’ve been writing in recently in our bedroom. You’ve been counting calories, haven’t you?”

You didn’t have to respond. Seungmin already knew the answer. A frown filled his face. The noodles were beginning to lose their warmth.

“Do you trust me?” He suddenly asked.

“Of course, I trust you. What kind of question is that? I’m dating you, obviously I trust you.”

“Can I make you food from now on? Not every meal, but just one a day, so I know you’re eating something. It’d make me feel better.”

Your heart pounded in your chest. You didn’t want to agree, but you also didn’t want this to spiral out of control and funnel into something you lost yourself completely to. The question weighed heavily on your mind. He was asking you to give up control to the one thing that you could control.

“Can we try it for one day?” His voice softened. “One day and if you don’t like it, we can figure out something else.”

You finally nodded your head slowly. Your eyes wandered down to the fork beside you. You let out a soft sigh before you picked it up, twisted it into the cup of noodles, and took a bite. Flavor exploded on your tongue. You relished the taste with closed eyes.

“How is it?”

“It’s really good.”

“I’m glad I didn’t decide to poison it then.”

“Seungmin!”

He let out a laugh and sat back. A small smile appeared on your face. He kept you busy with conversation, so your mind couldn’t go back to focusing on your food. Eventually, you managed to eat half of them before you pushed them away. Seungmin allowed it without complaint.

“Whoops, I think you got something here.” He leaned across the table and began to reach for your shirt.

You looked down to see what it was, but before you could see, he reached up and flicked the end of your nose.

You let out a yelp and pulled away. Shooting him a glare, he could only laugh in amusement. He always knew how to keep you on your toes.

_ _ _

I.N:

TW: Doom scrolling and self-isolation.

The world was on fire. Maybe not physically, but that’s what it felt like. You had fallen into the toxic cycle of doom scrolling again. Climate change, war, protests, violence, politics, upcoming elections, riots, and death. You flipped through your TikTok page and soaked it up like a sponge.

Swipe. Like. Swipe. Like. Swipe. Like. Swipe. Like.

The algorithm was a little too good at its job. The moment you began liking content about one issue, more videos appeared. Soon there was another and another and another until your TikTok page was a manifesto of doom and gloom.

The memes went away. The animal videos went away. The videos about your hobbies and interests went away. The videos from your favorite creators went away. Even videos about your boyfriend’s band disappeared.

The more you scrolled, the worse you felt. How could you live at a time like this? A time when the world was flooded with such chaos. Man made disasters, disease outbreaks, deadly weather events, and crime. Murders, shootings, stabbings, kidnappings, and so on. Another child dead, another place shot up, and another country suffering.

How could you not be sad? How could you not live with depression? How were you supposed to go on living with the realization that there was so much suffering? Why weren’t people nicer? Why are humans cruel to one another? When did humans lose their humanity?

Eventually, you turned off your phone and let it fall onto the side of the bed. Tears filled your eyes when you rethought about it. So many stories about higher powers out there. Ancient gods and goddesses, magnificent unearthly creators passed down from generation to generation, and yet suffering still existed. Why?

You tried to swallow the lump in your throat, but it wasn’t working. You reached a hand from beneath your warm blanket and wiped away your tears. You felt guilty for feeling so upset about everything. You should have been thankful that you were able to live the life you lived, but you still felt conflicted about the extent of suffering. None of it was fair.

I.N let himself into the apartment he shared with you. He kicked off his shoes and let out a sigh of relief glad to be home. He knew you weren’t home tonight and you probably wouldn’t be home for a while. You told him you were going out with friends earlier.

Lately, you seemed a little down, so he was happy you were finally getting back out there. You loved your friends dearly and they loved you. Besides, you could use a bit of cheering up.

He hummed to himself and moved throughout the house. He walked directly into the bedroom ready to shower and dress in comfortable pajamas. All of his plans crashed when he heard sniffling as he opened the door. He flipped on the light and there you were curled into a ball in your bed. You squeezed your eyes shut at the bright lights.

“Sorry about that, baby.” He flipped the main switch back off and flipped on the closet light instead. The too bright white light disappeared and was replaced with a softer lighting. “I thought you were going out to hang out with your friends.”

“I was going to, but I called off.” Your voice wobbled slightly. You sniffled again and pawed at your eyes.

Upon seeing your teary eyes, he walked over and slipped into the bed beside you. He pulled the covers away from you and tucked himself right beside you. You wanted to cry at his actions, but you managed to keep your tears back.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen at work or something? Did one of your friends say something?” He studied your face with concern.

You shook your head and sniffled again. “Do you ever just realize how bad everything is in the world? There’s so much death and destruction.” Tears filled your eyes once more. “How are we supposed to deal with it?”

He knew what you were talking about instantly. You did this sometimes. Sometimes he caught you doom scrolling and stopped you. He often distracted you from it with things like your Nintendo Switches or TV shows. You must have started doom scrolling when he was away.

“The ice is melting in Antarctica and the polar bears…” You trailed off, unable to finish your sentence, as your bottom lip quivered.

You wore your heart on your sleeve. Empathy was a bittersweet thing for you. You were born with too much of it and you didn’t know how to turn it off. Your heart went out to everyone and everything. Even in the cruelest people, you were able to find empathy in them.

I.N pulled you into his arms and wrapped them around your torso. You buried your head into his chest. He gently rubbed a hand along your back.

“You know, animals are very good at adapting to a variety of situations. A lot of them are more intelligent than we realize. I’m sure the polar bears are the same way.”

That was the thing about Jeongin. He never belittled you for being empathetic. He never called you too sensitive or a crybaby. He didn’t brush away your concerns about things. He listened to your rambles patiently and tried his best to help alter and adjust the way you viewed things.

You didn’t like your empathy, but he thought it was a gift. You thought about things that he didn’t. You looked at the world with such kindness and compassion. You could easily befriend a stranger if you wanted to. You provided him with a different outlook on life.

“It’s all so sad. Why isn’t anyone doing anything? Why are we letting people suffer?”

“I wish I knew why, but I don’t know. Unfortunately, life isn’t fair to everyone. It really sucks, huh?”

“I hate it,” you grumbled. “I hate being stuck here and not being able to do anything about it.” A sigh escaped your lips.

“What happened with your friends?”

“I called off. I felt worthless, so I told them I wasn’t feeling good. I didn’t want to tell them what was really bothering me.”

“Why don’t you go hang out with them? I’m sure they want to see you. You said they’ve been texting you about how much they miss you recently. I’m sure it’d be a good distraction for you.”

“You’re right, but I don’t know. They’re already hanging out and they think I’m sick. I don’t want to be a bother.”

“You could tell them you’re feeling better.” His fingers found your hair and began playing with it. He enjoyed the feathery feeling between his fingers.

“Can you come with me?”

“Do you want that?”

“Honestly, yeah. We haven’t been anywhere recently. They’ve been asking about you too.”

“I’d be happy to tag along. Where are they? Dinner or something?”

You pushed yourself up off his lap. “They’re actually bowling right now.” Feeling a bit better, you stood up from the bed. The previous thoughts of earlier were in the back of your head now.

“Have you ever bowled before?”

“Maybe.”

“You’re not going to tell me?”

“If I say yes, you’ll know I’ve had an advantage. If I say no, then you’ll know I haven’t, so the answer is maybe.”

“I’m gonna beat you.”

“No, you’re not!”

“The loser gets to let the other person pick out their outfits for a week, deal?” I.N asked.

“You’re on!” You rushed out the bedroom door. You sprinted towards the hall to grab your shoes from the sneaker shelf. “Let’s go!”

I.N smiled to himself as he went after you. He might not have done much, but, at least, he could help distract you from everything on your mind. He put on his shoes and hurried to follow you out the door.

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Taglist: @fairytaleskiess

Masterlist

#stray kids #stray kids fanfic #stray kids drabbles #stray kids angst #stray kids comfort #kpop fanfic #bang chan #lee know #seo changbin #hwang hyunjin #han jisung #lee felix #kim seungmin #yang jeongin #skz fanfic #fanfic writing

312 notes · View notes

boyfhee · 11 months

Text

ALWAYS ⋆ lhs

prompt · “this—” [ points at their chest ] “—belongs to you. always,” requested

g · fluff warnings · vegetable mentions lmfao wc · 0.6k

note · i tried something new ( sticking to the point instead of over explaing the scenes )

“you’re upset,” heeseung finally says after a series of sighs dancing off his lips, walking up from the couch to the kitchen, taking a seat opposite to you by the counter as you start preparing dinner. “what happened?”

you start putting vegetables in a bowl to wash them, taking an onion from his hand as he passes you one, eyes lost amidst the unreadable expression on your face, looking for answers. “nothing,”

“did i do something?” he asks again, voice softer than before.

you shrug, “perhaps,”

“you need to be more specific there, love,”

you pause, wondering if it’s actually worth telling him— the reason is quite embarrassing, honestly. the look on his face resembles hesitation, you can tell he’s thinking if he’s doing something wrong, along with the slightest of guilt with panic that gleam in his eyes. on other days, you would cup his face and discard every second thought intoxicating his mind, but not today.

“i went to jake’s aunt’s flower shop to see how you and the boys were holding up with volunteering,” so, you get back to your vegetables, letting the words fall off your lips ever so nonchalantly while heeseung listened with extreme care. “and i saw you being all smiley with a certain someone,”

“oh,” and you understand that he has gotten the hint in the way his lips curl into a smirk, knowing how you are referring to, and the way he gets up and walks next to you, putting his arms around your waist to pull you closer. “do tell me more,”

“and i wanted to have a little talk with you guys but,” you continue, as per his request, the frown on your face fighting back to morph into a smile at heeseung’s playful gaze that lingered upon you while your own is busy travelling walls and ceilings.

“but?” the smile on his lips grows wider.

“but—”

“but, you got jealous and left,” he finishes your sentence for you with a mocking smile, knowing exactly the direction this conversation was heading in. “is that right?”

it isn’t wrong to be jealous, neither is it wrong to accept that you’re jealous, but you know better than saying yes and giving him yet another reason to tease you. “no, heeseung, i was not jealous. i was just concerned,”

“i see. i was too, about the sales,” he explains, pressing his lips into a thin line. “she was getting lilies, and jake’s aunt particularly told us to smile and greet customers to make them feel welcomed so that they visit again,”

it had become a saturday routine for heeseung to lend jake’s aunt a hand or two at her shop, along with jay and sunghoon. the boys had been hunting for part time jobs and she offered a perfect deal after her previous employees left almost three weeks ago. it was surely difficult to assist everyday due to classes so they settled for tuesdays and saturdays, with sundays if there is ever an influx of customers.

“and what if she gives those flowers to you tomorrow?” your question makes him look at you with a blank expression as if he was to say, not again, sweetheart. “c’mon, hee, we both know iseul likes you,”

“well, that might be true but this—” he points at his heart, looking at you with eyes full of all the love present in the universe, as if you hung the stars in his sky. “—this belongs to you, always,”

“oh, then i must be the luckiest person in the world,”

you laugh at his corny and yet sweet words, getting lost in his gaze as if nothing else is worth looking at, getting caught up in surprise when he leans down to plant a soft peck on your lips. “i think i’m luckier to have you own my heart,”

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cinnamontoastcrunch-15 · 17 days

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Today's @wolfstarmicrofic prompt is a coffee shop au!

(596 words.)

Sirius Black is a heartbreaker.

James watches his best friend carefully, on date after date, leaving a string of broken hearts behind him. For a while, he thinks Sirius is just really quite picky, waiting for Mr Right, until James asks him how his last date went, and he just shrugs and tells him that he's just fucking around. Yeah, it frustrates him to no end, but what can he do? He wouldn't be as bothered if he didn't know Sirius as well as he does. He remembers Sirius back when they were in boarding school, talking about getting married one day, mentioning his future husband whenever he got the chance. It's just weird to see him throw all of that out the window.

Still, it's not like James can say anything. Sirius brushes him off whenever he tries.

He even stops talking about his dates altogether.

Whether it's because James kept pushing, or because Lily hates hearing it, he doesn't know. All he knows is that Sirius is staying strangely quiet about his love life. He can't push anymore, though. There's no point, it gets him nowhere.

"Afternoon, Remus!" James says brightly, shoving the door to his favourite coffee shop open and grinning at the barista. Remus matches his smile, before arching a wry eyebrow.

"Where've you been? Almost thought I'd leave without telling you my news!" Remus says, already wordlessly having tapped James' order into the till and getting started on it while he pays.

"Well, I'm here now! Out with it!"

He can see Remus smiling in the reflection of the coffee machine, which only piques James' curiosity. Finally, Remus turns with a to go cup, setting it on the glass counter and promptly resting his elbows behind it.

"I think I'm in love," he says simply, with a grin. "Actually, that's a lie. I'm definitely in love."

"Remus! That's amazing!" James says happily, grabbing his drink and beaming at his favourite barista. "Really, that's brilliant! Didn't you say you were off, soon? I need to hear all about this lucky person!"

"Oh, he's, er... he's actually taking me out again, today. He's picking me up in a few." Remus pulls his apron off, James following him across the length of the counter while he grabs his bag and waves goodbye to Marlene.

"I'm so happy for you, Remus. You deserve nothing but the best."

"Sap," Remus says with a smile, nudging his regular. Well, his friend now. "Oh, he's here!" He watches as Remus' face brightens, before following his movement with his head as Remus runs right over to-

"Sirius!" Remus calls, and Sirius smiles, arm immediately winding around Remus' waist and pulling him into a kiss.

Oh, fuck.

James told himself he wasn't going to intervene with Sirius' love life, but... it's Remus. Remus, who just told James that he's in love. He knows Sirius' track record, and he can't let Remus get hurt like that. Just as he opens his mouth to speak, to pull Sirius aside and give him a very firm warning, something makes him falter.

Namely, Sirius looking at Remus like he hung the stars in the sky.

Huh.

The way he looks at Remus is startlingly similar to the way he looked at his first major crush, the one he claimed to have fallen in love with. It's enough for James, to be honest. They're in their own world, like they're the only real beings in the universe. Sirius hasn't even noticed James yet, and that's really saying something.

Maybe he is just really bloody picky.

#I used so many italics this time what #also this is such a welcome break from all of my essay deadlines xoxo #wolfstar #sirius black #wolfstar oneshot #marauders #remus lupin #remus x sirius #young marauders #moony x padfoot #atyd marauders #marauders oneshot

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superums · 7 months

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monkey d. luffy's 5 love languages

gender neutral readers. fluff. improper grammar. no uses of (y/n) or (name). established relationship. strawhat-coded reader. i tried to lean into luffys childlike personality without infantilizing him... tell me how good i did that please. is meant for opla!luffy but it can go for anime!luffy as-well. spoiler free

color coded text: luffy

physical touch: luffy is very touchy feely. he likes wrapping his entire body around you like a wet noodle just because he can and you're going to have to deal with that!! he loves giving you cheek kisses or small bites on your fingers, shoulders and chest but in a non-sexual way! he loves holding your hand and swinging it back and forth. he thinks is super fun and he'll do it really hard sometimes and make his arm loose shape and flail around in the wind.

acts of service: you could ask him to get a star out of the sky he'd do it!!! he'd do little things like get things off of shelves, grab something from your room or giving you a piggyback across an island but he'd literally do anything you ask him to without a second thought..well maybe be sides share his food, he'd have to think about it foe a second and then give you a piece. but fr he's big on helping you though, he likes doing things for you. and if you ever asked him why he dose he wanna help he'd be like 'because you need help' which translates to 'because i like being with you'.

quality time: you two spend alot of time together not only because you live on a boat together (with the crew ofc) but he also seeks you out when he's bored. downtime on the ship is v common because it can take weeks to get from point A to point B and thats where you come in. sometimes he takes you to the figure head and makes you tell him stories or talk about your thoughts. other times you just sit on the deck and sunbathe while he holds your hand it all depends really.

giving/receiving gifts: it doesn't take alot to impress him he's like a baby—easy to please! you could give him a fish & he'd wiggle it around before yelling at asking sanji to cook it for him. his gifts however are usually one of two things either— 1) it takes trials and tribulations to get or 2) it comes of as simple to someone from the outside looking in but it means alot to him no in between! like lets you say you want a apple he'd somehow fight a congregation of alligators to bring back 1 apple then he'd ask for a bite. ORRRRR he gifts you something like a drawing of you that looks rushed and childish with gears around it but it took him an hour—you watched him as he would go back and forth between looking at you foe a minute and scribbling and erasing on his paper. some might make fun of him for that but you of all people know that it means a lot to him that you have!

words of affirmation: he talks about you like you hung the moon and stars you could be a marine, a civilian, someone on his crew it doesn't matter. he'd tell everyone how he feels about you regardless if you're there or not. he never misses a moment to talk about you highly though his vocabulary is a little limited so he doesn't say things like "you're extravagant" or "i admire you." when he compliments you he says things like "you're so fun." and "i like you so much." again his words are surface level to those who don't know him but he really does think highly of you even if his words don't exactly reflect it but actions are louder than words anyway.

#luffy x reader #luffy x you #one peice luffy x reader #monkey d luffy x reader #monkey d luffy x you #opla x reader #one piece x reader #op live action x reader #op x you #op x y/n

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luizd3ad · 15 days

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Happy Birthday? | Poly!Moonwaterkiller x Fem!Reader One Shot

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 ࣪˖⤷ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ ࣪ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 ˖ ⤷

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Regulus Black x Barty Crouch Jr x F!Reader WC: 3,163 TW: Polyamorous relationship, swearing, teasing type of relationship, mostly fluff, slight angst at the end, slight talks of Regulus’s childhood, no use of Y/N Author's Note: This ship is inspired by @ellecdc please send her love. She's so talented and is just straight up amazing. Also I'm still new to writing so I hope you like it and I'm sorry if it's not good/doesn't make sense.

Summary: It’s regulus birthday so you, Remus and Barty want to make it special but sometimes things don’t go as planned.

I made this ig mood board inspired by the guy idk ive never made one before

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“Bartemius Crouch junior! I swear to all that is holy in this world! If you stick your grubby hands in the frosting one more bloody time!”

“Oh come on Lupin! You can’t blame me, it's just so fucking good!"

Barty yelled, waving his hands around trying to defend himself.

You couldn't help but laugh at hearing two of your boyfriends’ bicker while you put the chicken you just got done seasoning into the oven to cook.

Admittedly it was quite entertaining and it helped distract you a bit from stressing over the cooking that still needed to be done and the small decorations that needed to be put up for today.

It was Regulus's birthday, so you and Remus had gotten Sirius to take Regulus out for the day so you and your partners could try and surprise him with a birthday dinner for just the four of you.

You couldn't help but stress seeing as he should be home sooner than later at this point, and you wanted everything to be as perfect as possible since Regulus wasn't completely comfortable with celebrating his birthday still.

He didn't find the idea of a party and things of that nature to be fun, he found it more stressful and anxiety inducing than anything. (due to his childhood)

So the three of you have always tried to do a little something to make it special for him and to show Regulus that you all love him but never anything too much as to avoid overwhelming or making him uncomfortable.

“Barty, my love, how about you go and set up the ‘Happy Birthday’ banner?”

“Anything for you angel.”

Barty says with a look that he reserved for only you.

It was love sick looks. The kind of look that could show the receiver every emotion the other person was feeling. It showed that you were loved by that person with their whole heart. The type of look that had both parties feeling vulnerable in the best way possible.

Even before you all had started dating, when you all were just friends in your earlier years at Hogwarts, he had always looked at you as if you hung the moon and all the stars in the sky.

He'd look at you as if you were the only good thing left in this world, and to him you were one of the only good things left in this world.

You and two other people that he held closer to his heart than he'd probably be willing to admit most days.

Though that didn’t mean Barty didn't love Remus and Regulus.

It also didn't mean it was a secret of how much Barty loved Remus and Regulus. In fact he loved them with all his heart. He expressed how much he loved them somewhat often in his own ways.

Especially since he could be known for his flair of the dramatics at times, he had expressed many times that he loved the three of you more than anything.

Not that anyone could deny, or question it. More like no one would dare to deny or question it.

Barty has expressed many times how he'd burn down cities, commit unspeakable acts and take on any unforgivable in a heartbeat for Regulus and Remus.

The love Barty held for them two was the kind of love that was teasing and could be chaotic in the best way.

The type of love that could only be described as a ‘I can pick on them but you can't pick on them because they're mine’ in the most loving way Barty could possibly manage. And may the gods help any poor soul that ever tried to mess with someone who he deemed as his.

But the love he had for you was a softer kind of love, it was sweet. The kind of love full of things like love sick looks, soft touches, sweet kisses and even sweeter words.

Along with the promises of burning down cities, committing unspeakable acts and taking on unforgivables’, who would expect anything less from Barty? But I digress.

“Yes please, piss off for fucks sake.”

Remus says in an exasperated tone waving Barty away. Barty then gasps dramatically and clenches his shirt as if he was clutching his ‘pearls’.

“You don't mean that, Remmy.” Barty all but whined.

“Plus you couldnt get rid of me even if you wanted to.”

Barty states sending a smirk and wink at Remus, which Remus just responds with by rolling his eyes and hitting Barty with a dish towel playfully to distract Barty from the light blush that's undoubtedly spread across Remus’s face, as to avoid being teased further by him.

“Barty’s right Rem. Even if we wanted to, we're stuck with him, unfortunately.”

You say with a sarcastic little sigh while trying to suppress a smile that threatened to form due to the two men playful arguing.

Barty then gasps dramatically once more and puts his hand over his heart as if you just stabbed him in the heart as Remus snicker at Bartys reaction and to your comment.

“Not you as well, angel. You should know that words hurt. You've wounded me, you've basically killed me.”

Barty then pretends to sob as you and Remus shake your heads with smiles on your faces due to his behavior.

“Gods you’ve been spending way too much damn time around Sirius.”

Remus says while rubbing his hands over his face trying to hide his smile. You chuckle and walk up to Barty and give him a hug giving him your best ‘I'm sorry’ look.

“I’m sorry Barty, I just couldn't help it. Remus has influenced me far too much.. Blame him.”

You say in fake sincerity with a small nod as you hear Remus huff at your comment.

Barty lets out a chuckle and hugs you back with a smile on his face looking down at you as he holds you.

“It's okay angel, I could never stay upset at you. Lupin on the other hand..”

Barty drags out the end of his sentence with a small smirk on his face as Remus scoffs dramatically at his lovers’ statements.

“Really love? It's my fault is it?”

Remus says with his head tilted to the side and eyebrow raised, as if daring you to continue saying that he should be the one to blame for your ‘cruel’ comment to Barty.

“Actually Lupin, I think it is your fault.” Barty stated apparently agreeing with you.

“And what has brought you to that conclusion Junior?”

Remus says as he walks toward the both of you with a small smirk on his face.

“My angel was just that, an angel. That was until you lot got your Gryffindor hands all over her.”

Barty says with a small shrug, feeling as if his point was valid and made sense. You supposed for Barty it did.

“Is that a fact?” Remus asked while getting closer to you and Barty.

“Yeah, Lupin it is actually.” Barty says, giving Remus a somewhat challenging look.

“You don't seem to complain when I have my Gryffindor hands all over you, Junior.”

Remus then winks at a now blushing and flustered Barty. You then cover your mouth trying to hide your own blush while also trying to suppress a giggle.

Barty tries to say some kind of come back and it just results in him stuttering.

“W-well I- Goddamnit! That’s not fair Lupin!”

“All's fair in love and war Junior.”

Remus says sending another wink at Barty and smirking at you while Barty stares at him with wide eyes in complete silence.

He had managed to make Barty Crouch Jr speechless.

That was actually one of the many things that Remus was good at, especially at the beginning when everything was still new and more unexpected.

When the four of you were in that space where you weren't officially dating but it was clear to you and everyone who'd been around your little group that you four had very strong feelings for each other.

It had taken Remus no time at all to get comfortable with having at least one of you flustered almost all the time, usually to the point of stuttering or speechlessness.

He loved seeing you three like that.

Especially Barty.

Barty wasn't someone you could easily make blush let alone actually fluster, especially with just words so whenever Remus would manage to make Barty speechless he felt like he won a reward.

Barty would never admit it but it was clear as day that Remus was good at making him a flustered stuttering mess.

And Barty hated it.

“Now love. I believe someone owes someone an apology for trying to place blame.”

Remus says, walking up to you now at arms length and giving you a pointed look now waiting for an apology.

While Barty mutters a ‘fucking hell’ under his breath and runs his hand through his hair as he walks towards the kitchen counter still mumbling quietly to himself.

“I'm sorry moony. Truly. Do you forgive me?” You say somewhat sincerely knowing Remus doesn't really care all that much.

“I could never stay mad at you, love.”

Remus says with a small smile he then cups your cheek and gives you a kiss on your forehead, you lean into Remus's kiss taking in the moment and enjoying the affection from your boyfriend.

When suddenly you and Remus feel a cold, grainy substance rain down on you, which you both quickly realize is flour once the shock wore off.

You then hear a familiar giggle, and turn to see none other than a proud looking Barty standing now several feet away, covered in white powder himself. He just stands there proud of himself as if he didn't just cover you both in flour.

As you stare at him wide eyed and mouth a gasp, he just gives you a cheeky little smile.

“You did not just do that Junior.”

“Oh but I think I did, Remmy. That's what you get for teasing and being mean to me.”

Barty then sends a little wink to you and a somewhat apologetic smile.

“Sorry angel. Collateral damage, you understand.”

Barty says with a small shrug and a tone that makes it seem like it's the most reasonable thing that he has ever done.

You simply nod with the most convincing smile you could possibly muster in that moment.

“Of course my love. I understand.”

You say walking near Barty and grabbing a bowl that's filled with whipped cream that you had made earlier. You then walk closer to Barty and with a smile on your face.

“And you'll understand when I do this.”

You say while grabbing a handful of whipped cream and throwing it at Barty just for him to duck in time ending with the cream hitting Remus in the face. You gasp and cover your mouth trying not to laugh as Barty busts out laughing.

“Oh shit Rem! I'm so sorry.”

You say trying hard and failing to suppress your laughter, while Remus wipes his eyes off with his hands.

“It's okay love. All’s forgiven. Just come and give me a kiss.”

“Ummm I would love to, honestly I would… After you clean your face, that is…”

You back away from a now smiling remus while he opens his arms for you and starts walking closer to you.

“No, now would be fine for me.”

Remus proceeds to walk closer to you as you start to back away towards Barty who's starting to calm down from his laughter.

“Why not kiss Barty?! This is all because of him anyway!”

Barty then gasps.

“Angel! I can't believe you'd throw me under the bus like that… Is it bad that I liked it?”

Barty asks the last part more to himself than to anyone else. He was so caught up in his thoughts for a second that he didn't notice you now using him as a human shield, that was until he felt a clump of whipping cream on his head and looked to see a smirking Remus.

“Oh. This means war.”

All of a sudden it was every person for themselves. The kitchen was now a war zone. Flour, whipped cream, sugar, powdered sugar, fruits and berries were being thrown all over the place. It was pure chaos.

The Three you were making a mess out of the kitchen and even bigger messes of yourselves.

Next thing you, you’ve been thrown over Remus’s shoulder while Barty is chasing Remus around the kitchen.

There’s so much going on, so much laughing and screaming that no one heard the door open. Which meant no one heard Regulus make his way to the kitchen, and so no one noticed him standing in the doorway till you heard him speak.

“I leave you alone for a few hours and suddenly the kitchen explodes?”

Regulus in all his stoic glory just stood there not even looking a little surprised.

All three of you stopped running around, suddenly feeling like kids who got caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Then all three of you look at eachother then at Regulus.

“Happy Birthday?” You, Remus and Barty said accidentally making it sound more like a question than in an enthusiastic way.

Regulus just points at the oven says.

“The ovens smoking.”

“Oh shit! The chicken!”

You yell as Remus puts you down and he rushes to the oven to take out the now burnt chicken as smoke fills the kitchen.

“Sooo… Chinese?” Said a very uncertain Barty

After opening some windows, having the Chinese food delivered, a few showers and quite a few cleaning spells the four of you ended up on the couch with a movie on not many words being exchanged.

After the movie was finished and the food had all been mostly finished Remus had brought out the cake that he managed to finish decorating while waiting for the food to arrive.

The three of you had sung (or in Bartys case basically screamed) Happy birthday to Regulus while he sat there with a ghost of a smile on his face. After another hour or so the four of you found yourselves in your shared bed.

You couldn't help but feel guilty since Regulus hadn't really expressed any emotion which wasn’t necessarily not normal about his birthday. You felt like maybe you had upset him in some way, maybe you over stepped or maybe he was irritated due to the mess you Remus and Barty made.

You were spiraling.

Till you heard a whisper.

“Thank you..”

It was quiet for a few seconds, you supposed no one really knew what to say.

“For what Black? I feel like we kinda ruined your birthday.” Said a almost half asleep Barty

“It wasn't ruined Junior! It just didn't go.. as planned..'' defend Remus who laid on the other side of you.

You and Regulus laid in the middle of Barty and Remus.

“Would the two of you stop bickering for just a moment please?” You say with a small shake of your head and a small chuckle.

The next second there's a small choir of ‘Sorry angel’ and ‘Sorry love’.

“What are you thanking us for, Reggie?”

You say pushing some of his black curly hair behind his ear looking at him softly, though he probably couldn't tell since it was dark in the room.

The only light coming through the window from the half moon.

“For today.. I know it didn't go how any of you planned or would have wanted it to go, but still. It was nice. I spent most of the day with my brother though he can be insufferable, loud and dramatic most of the time, it was still nice. And then to come home to the three people who mean everything to me laughing and having fun... That was the best part. I know I'm not the easiest when it comes to celebrating my birthday but, your three and Sirius have been the only people who have ever actually cared for my birthday. You've never treated it like how my parents did. Never used it as an excuse to have a big party full of people I didn't know or care about just so it seemed like we were better then them or make it seem like we were the perfect family, even though it was evident that we weren't. You've always made it about me and always respected what I'm comfortable with and well I appreciate that. So.. Thank you.. I love you.. All three of you..”

“We love you too Reg.” You say quietly, giving Regulus a soft kiss.

“Awwww did Regulus Black just say he loves me.” Barty practically squealed.

Barty then pulls Regulus into him so Regulus’s back is to Barty's front and then proceeds to messily kiss Regulus all over the side of his face while Regulus tries and fails to get away from him.

Remus then starts to laugh harder than you had seen in a while, almost falling off the bed as he hears the bickering between the two (mostly on Regulus' part) and sees the shadows of a struggling Regulus and a very determined Barty.

You can't help but start to laugh almost as hard as Remus as you try and get the words out to have Barty let go of poor Regulus.

The night continues for only a few more moments it's filled with more laughing and eventually sleepy good night kisses and I love yous.

To say the four of you had an interesting relationship would be an understatement. It could be messy and chaotic, it could be a fucking headache sometimes.

But there was love. There was always love.

There were mornings where the four of you would wake up and just lay in bed happier than any of you thought you could ever be.

There were tender kisses and loving touches.

Dreams and promisses of the future.

There were smiles and laughing fits that would fuel you for the days when you felt like you couldn't even get out of bed.

Admittedly, it was a lot most of the time.

There were screaming matches and arguing at its worst times but at its best times it was you and three people that you couldn't see your life without. Three people that made life easier most of the time. People who could make you laugh till you cried and that would hold you while you cried and fall apart.

This was a life that none of you ever thought you'd have the opportunity to have, and ever so often one of you would feel like you didn't deserve the life you had.

This was the kind of life that probably wouldn’t exist for you guys in different universes. But here, in this universe? This is the life you have and you wouldn't trade it for the world.

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eternalbuckley · 7 months

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Confessions. — jj maybank

SUMMARY: He likes you. You like him. But guess what? You‘re both too afraid to tell each other that piece of information. Until one of you finally says the words you both are craving to hear from each other.

word count: 1,480

genre: fluff and slight angst | gn!reader, queer!reader, bipoc!reader and plus-size!reader friendly

warnings: teasing, mention of weed use, love confessions, some curse words, use of pet name (angel), english is not my first language, slightly proofread — if i forgot something, please let me know!

a/n: first time i wrote anything for our beloved jj! i’m on a slight writers block so it's shorter than my usual fics. BUT i’m still happy that i actually finished it :) happy reading everyone 🫶

disclaimer: please do not repost or try and take ownership of my work or post this anywhere without my consent. do not translate my work and post it anywhere — i give you no permission to do that. i only post my stories here, so if you find my work anywhere else please let me know! reblogs, likes and comments are appreciated and welcomed!

navigation | masterlist

(not my gif, credits to the owner)

“You fucking asshole,” you joked and nudged his arm slightly. He chuckled while you gave him his joint back after you took a hit from it.

You were currently sitting with your friend, JJ, at the beach. It was a more hidden area, your secret spot. You haven’t seen him in a while. Well, actually you did. But it has been some weeks since you hung out alone with him. The past few weeks put some distance between you, mostly because you both were scared. Scared of falling even more for each other.

Yes, you fell for one of your closest best friends. You might be an idiot for that, you thought to yourself. Nearly every day once you realized the truth about your own feelings. Sadly, you were almost one hundred percent sure that he didn’t feel the same way about you. Despite Sarah and Kiara telling you the opposite all the time.

Sarah knew from John B. how JJ talked about you in front of him and Pope every time the three of them were alone together. Your friends knew that the way he looked at you and treated you gave everything about his real feelings away.

That boy was head over heels for you. But just like you, he was sure you wouldn’t like him back. Not someone like him. How could you after all? He was just a guy who either was high, running away from his problems, drinking, or spending time with his friends or specifically with you. The last two options are actually something good but JJ still didn’t see anything good in or about him. At least not good enough for you.

On the other hand, everybody saw the way you looked at him as well. Either when he was looking or not. The way you were the only person who was able to calm him down. The way you would be the only one who was laughing at some of his jokes. You were the only person he would let in if he had a breakdown. Everybody could tell how much you meant to each other.

But sure, you both didn’t like each other at all.

“You know how much I love smoking with you, angel, right?” He grinned at you and took another hit from his rolled joint. That fucking bastard.

His grin got even bigger after he noticed the slight blush creeping on your cheeks. “Such a pretty shade.” JJ slightly put one of his fingers on your cheek and pointed out the red cheeks.

You widened your eyes and immediately laid down on your back. There was some grass underneath you – since you were sitting at the edge of the beach. You were trying to hide your face from him by looking at the sky. Even while you were starting to see the stars getting brighter, he still saw the blush he was causing on your face. You always blushed whenever he used that particular pet name for you. And he knew damn well what it did to you until now he just never said something about it. It had to be the joint finally taking in its effect in both of your bodies. Your eyes were still focused on the sky. JJs eyes were focused on you, even after he laid down next to you as well. The joint between his fingers was long forgotten.

Minutes passed by in complete silence. You didn’t trust your own body, so you tried not to look at him. You were too scared of what could happen if you did.

“No matter how hard I try, you’re always on my mind,” he whispered and broke the silence between you. He couldn’t wait any longer. He needed to say his feelings out loud even if it meant taking a risk. He had to.

You slightly gulped. “I don’t know what you mean, JJ. Like… You are on my mind too. Just like… Like everyone else,” you tried to calm yourself down. You exactly knew what he was talking about.

You heard him slightly chuckling because of your answer. He finally laid down on his back and watched the night sky as well.

“I can’t stop thinking about you, angel. Every time I try to stop myself from it, it becomes more,” he spoke softly. His head was still turned towards the sky.

You could feel his body warmth, both your bodies were laying closely next to each other. Both your hands were almost touching but no one dared to overstep this part. Your heart started beating faster because what if he actually liked you after all? What if your friends were telling you the truth all the time?

“JJ…” You sighed with a quiet voice.

“I always push everyone away but with you? It’s different,” he continued, “You’re special to me. You always have been.”

Each of your pinky fingers got closer but didn’t touch. You decided to let him talk and didn’t want to interrupt him until he was finished.

“I can’t sit here any longer anymore and keep my feelings hidden. I can’t and don’t want to lose you. It might be too late already and I might be selfish right now but I have to tell you these things,” he paused for a moment. “But you won’t leave my mind. I’m always finding myself thinking and smiling about your smile, the way your eyes shine when you talk about your favorite things and interests. How you laugh at my stupid jokes even if we both know damn well that they’re bad sometimes. I love the way you take care and be there for your loved ones. Especially for me, angel. Do you want to know why I call you angel?”

You hummed and nodded your head. Your lips slightly formed a smile because of his words.

“Because you are the definition of being an angel.”

Your eyes slightly teared up at this confession. It took you a few seconds to process it but it ended up in finally holding his pinky finger. A small smile appeared on both of your lips.

You chuckled, “I hate you.” He knew it was one of your jokes.

“I’m pretty sure it’s quite the opposite.”

“How do you want to know that?”

He turned his body towards you, and you followed him. It’s the first time you noticed how close your bodies actually were.

“I‘m hoping it,” JJ chuckled nervously. He was scared he might fuck up everything he has with you. Unless he already did.

You looked him in the eyes. There was a light dim from the moon on his face, which let you see him a tiny bit better. Both of your hands were next to each others faces again. One more move and you would hold each other again but you both were too afraid to do it in that very moment. You started hearing your own heartbeat again the more you looked at him from this position. There was a comfortable atmosphere between you. And no one wanted to ruin it. JJ scooted closer to you, your noses were slightly brushing against each other. One more move and you could feel his lips on yours. You could feel his breath on your face and slowly closed your eyes with a short sigh.

"I.. I do," you suddenly whispered softly. You didn’t plan to but it just happened. Maybe it was the joint and how it calmed down your nerves.

JJ immediately sat up and looked down at you. He let out a surprised noise which made you laugh. You sat up as well and faced him. Taking in his hands, you repeated your words, to which he started to smile. He nervously brushed over your hands with his thumbs.

"I like you, JJ. You make me happy and you are my safe place. You probably always have been even when I didn’t realize my feelings for you. Even Sarah or Kiara couldn’t convince me of the truth," you chuckled at your own anxiety.

JJ eventually closed the gap between you and kissed you softly. There was no harsh pressure, just softness. He was careful. Testing how far he could go for this moment. Hearing the waves from the sea in the background made it even more perfect. Especially because after all it was your shared and secret spot. It already had a special meaning for both of you. Tonight, it made it even more special.

“Admit it, angel. I‘m just too irresistible,” he teased you after your kiss. That asshole.

You slightly slapped his arm. With a chuckle, you pulled him towards you. "Just shut up," and with that, you kissed him again.

It really took just one joint and smoking it alone with him to admit your feelings to each other. And it was the best decision ever.

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raitonsfw · 2 months

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Hello, can I request headcanons of Tamaki with a gn reader who often feels very lonely, and whose love languages are quality time, physical touch & words of affirmation? (I'm sorry if this is too sad or too much. You don't have to write this if you don't want to <3)

synopsis: a sfw requested variety piece of the love languages of tamaki amajiki with a gn! reader.

warnings: gn!reader, love languages (words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time), bouts of loneliness, some sadness, talks of dates and days off, a cute lil kiss, tamaki and reader are together in this (i hope that's okay!), tamaki works with fatgum at the agency alot, mirio togata mention!

a/n: this lifted my spirits more than you'll ever know (i got so teary-eyed writing these cute lil love languages and my life's been so full of love lately, so it was even more meaningful writing these headcanons!) wc: 800ish. m.list

divider credit: @benkeibear & @firefly-graphics

•┈••✦ tamaki would always be busy, but he would try his best to make time for you– whether it’d be a day off to relax in the dorms with you or to go out on a quiet date and shop some with you. he’d definitely use that time to make sure you’re feeling loved and taken care of, holding your every word so attentively and letting you vent if need be.

•┈••✦ when he’d come home late, tamaki would be so tired from his missions but he’d still have enough energy to kiss you goodnight and snuggle beside you in bed. the endearing feeling of him pressed up next to you made you feel all warm and cozy and sometimes he’d even wrap his arm around you. no words would really have to be spoken, just small intimacies to let you know he was still there with you.

•┈••✦ sometimes when he noticed your seclusion creeping up your demeanor, he’d sit by you and pull you into an awkward embrace– hoping to ward off some of the darkness that resided in your head. his hands would immediately flatten against the small of your back and you’d feel the small circles that he massaged into it subconsciously; a reminder that he genuinely means to show affection even if it doesn’t quite come out the right way.

•┈••✦ he’s normally not one to be very vocal about things, but every once in a while, when you’re feeling down– his voice would ring through the air with a quiet affirmation of ‘you’re so good to me, i don’t know how i’d get by without you being here,’ or a gentle ‘you mean a lot to me, even if i don’t say it often– just needed to let you know, y/n.’ you’d chalk it up to mirio giving him the motivation (courage more like) to say those sweet things, but it still made you all teary-eyed.

the dorms seemed lonely nowadays, with tamaki joining fatgum on his missions. it wasn’t like he could help it, the agency he worked for was very busy with missions and you’d often get trapped in a sense of longing whenever he had to leave you behind due to an occurrence happening in another district.

the sofa you sat on had room for two– but it was only occupying the space, your arms folding against your knees as you curled in on yourself. tamaki, of course, had a mission and you didn’t know if he was going to be back anytime soon so you decided to just order in and watch your favorite show for a while; though the television just felt like static to your dulled mind.

you didn’t know when you fell asleep, maybe it was when a character on your show had been given a hug goodbye or when the moon hung high in the sky, the stars bright from the big window that sat across from you. a soft hand lulled you from your sleep and you opened your eyes groggily– being met with tamaki sitting in front of you with a small smile, his head slightly tilted.

“tamaki…” you said groggily, sitting up and rub the sleep out of your eyes. you didn’t know if you were still dreaming or not, his face a little blurry from the dazed interaction. his fingers lightly caressed the back of your arm, careful not to be too rough with you as he leaned in for a greeted kiss.

“i got off early…” he said, a hush to his voice that made you calm; it wasn’t often that he’d wake you up like this. normally, he’d let you sleep but maybe he sensed you were a bit out of sorts. “i’m also taking a day off tomorrow.”

you looked at him properly before registering his words– he was still in his pro hero uniform, the violet visor lifted up to headband against the front of his hair and his ears tinted pink as he looked away from you towards the television. his eyes darted back towards you quickly when you opened your mouth to speak, a furrowed look overtaking your features.

his heart raced at your worried expression, maybe he should’ve explained more– “it’s not because i got hurt or anything! i just haven’t seen you much and i wanted to spend the day with you.”

and always, without fail; when you were at your lowest, the isolation dissipated as tamaki took your hand in his to soothe you. his own nervousness would often mingle with yours, unsure of what to do besides hold you steady in his arms– but this time it seemed to come naturally as he pulled you closer into his space.

“sometimes i feel bad that i’m always away from you– but i promise i’m going to make sure you’re never alone.”

taglist: @classyempathmongercloud | @rubyparsonx

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unloved-cadillac · 1 year

Note

Tamaki getting jealous of his s/o hanging out with 1A kids and snatching her up and running away with her

C/n: back on the Suneater train let’s goooooo. Thanks for requesting and I hope that you enjoy🤍

——————————————————————————

Stealing Her. (Tamaki x Reader)

In UA, it’s always best for the first years to watch the third years train so they could pick up on fighting techniques and how to handle themselves in villain situations. But they didn’t say you had hang around them all the time.

Y/n was the star of the first years. She was kind, sweet and really strong. She could easily take on 10 villains at a time. But her demeanor was so motherly and she always looked out for the young ones.

Tamaki hated it.

She was always with the first years, teaching them and showing them her quirk and Tamaki had to sit back and watch. At first it was cute but now they were taking up all of her time. All of their time together.

“Y/n, show us how to hit someone so they’re out cold.” Mina says and goes into a fighting stance. “Yeah! And show us how to knock the air out of someone!” Ochako says making Kirishima flinch and Y/n laughs.

“Geez the girls are tougher than the boys.” Mirio says as he sits next to Tamaki. “Yeah. But they’re all greedy for her attention.” He grumbles and Mirio looks at his best friend. “Oohhh sounds like someone’s jealoussss.” He teases and bumps Tamaki’s shoulder. “I hate to admit it, Mirio but I am. I haven’t been with her for weeks.”

Mirio nods in understanding then hands Tamaki a package. “What’s this?” He asks and Mirio gets up, stretching as he does. “Something to help you out. Use it wisely.” Is all he says before jogging to Y/n and the first years. Tamaki opens the package and chuckles to himself.

“Oh hey Mirio!” Mina says and Y/n turns to see him. “Hey kiddos. Learning a lot from Y/n?”

“Yeah!”

“Enjoying listening to her?”

“Yeah!”

“Good. Now stand back.” He says and gently pushes them away. Y/n looks at them and Mirio and chuckles. “Why? I don’t under-WHOAAAA!” Y/n is suddenly scooped up by someone and gone into the sky. “Was that Hawks?” Kaminari asks and Mirio chuckles. “Nah. Hawks has red wings. Those were black.”

In the sky, Y/n looks up to see her kidnapper. She laughs. “Honey, where are we going?” She asks but wasn’t expecting an answer cause Tamaki couldn’t talk. Instead they flew to one of the mountains just a few minutes away from the dorm and laid her gently on the ground before sitting next to her.

“Wow,” she says as she looks at him, “a crow. Not bad.” Tamaki lays his head on her lap and breathes out, transforming back into himself. “God, that took a lot of energy.” He croaks out and Y/n runs a hand through his hair. “Mind telling me what that was about?”

He blushes as he looks away. “We haven’t..hung out in a while. I was missing you.” His voice was mumbled but Y/n heard him clearly. Suddenly, she laughed and quickly laid on top of Tamaki. She kissed his nose, then his cheeks, his forehead and finally his lips.

“Mm.” He hums against her lips. Pulling away, Y/n smiles at her boyfriend who now had flushed cheeks. “You’re so cute. Turning into a crow to take me away from them cause you missed me. I love you.” She whispers and he touches her bottom lip with his thumb. It’s silent until Y/n’s phone vibrates. She takes it out of her pocket and shakes her head.

“We need a day off,” Y/n says and looks at Tamaki, “just you and me. We’ll finish train. Go back to my home, eat and watch movies. I owe you that. I’m sorry for neglecting you, my love.”

Tamaki smiles and kisses your forehead. “No. I was being dramatic, that’s all. They all love you. Almost as much as I do.”

“Almost as much as you?”

“No one could love you as much as I do.”

——————————————————————————

“sobs I WANT HIM.”

🖤🤍Thanks for reading🤍🖤

-Caddy.

#amajiki tamaki #bnha tamaki #tamaki amajiki x reader #tamaki amakiji #boku no hero academia tamaki #tamaki x reader #my hero academia x reader #mha x reader #tamaki amajiki fluff #my hero academia fluff #my hero academia fanfiction

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itsgrimeytime · 9 months

Text

bite marks || rick grimes x f!reader

based off: anon request and Hot Gum by SOFIA ISELLA

Summary: That night was a nightmare, with blood spilled and threats to your group's lives. You weren't sure that everyone could recover from it, including yourself. What Rick did had to be done, there was no other choice. You knew that. So, why did it keep replaying in your head? And why did you like it?

TWS: NSFW mdni (18+), teasing, fingering, oral (fem receiving), body worship, a little degradation, hint of blood kink, hickeys, biting, dom/sub undertones, possessiveness, oral fixation, overstimulation, hint of pain kink, begging, unhinged!Rick, murder jacket!Rick, death mention, gore, violence, all things typical of TWD.

[[A/N: hello anon!!! Thank you so much for being my first request, it means a lot <3. I will say this will be my first ever smut, so please don't judge me or I'll cry. You know that tag on AO3 'porn without plot'? This is the exact opposite. This baby has so much fondness and plot and slow-burn energy that I didn't mean to give it. I hope you enjoy !!! ]]

The night was quiet, the low buzz of adrenaline dipping beneath the stars -there was no need to fight anymore. All your senses heightened, rest felt a bit like an uncomfortable itch under your skin -something you couldn't stand to do.

Eyes flickering like an animal in the night to any particular noises, you were positive that getting a wink of sleep was definitely out of the cards. At least for now.

Plus, there was the thing.

The heavy tension that hung over your group like a dark cloud -the gnashing of teeth, the spitting of blood. The instinctual movements, nothing behind his eyes but heavy anger, beyond anything you'd ever seen. It was like a predator, instinctively stalking its prey without remorse, without thought, just... just to survive.

Your head was spinning.

Eyes flickering to your side, you watched him. He wasn't asleep, you could tell -leaned up against the car with a stare of a thousand yards. Part of you wanted to talk to him, try and help him find some solace -reiterate it was the only option, he did what he had to-

'He's mine,' the low growl made you freeze -eyes glazing over in a way they hadn't in a while as you sought to catch Rick in his rage-

But the other half was... conflicted.

Very, very conflicted.

Sighing, you squeezed your hands together -trying to turn over the event in your mind and just move past it. You knew that Rick would hardly want to talk about it, nevertheless your...

It wasn't the time for those kinds of thoughts, despite them clawing up your throat -mere ideas of 'what if he was that protective over me?' or what it would feel like to have his mouth on your pulse point. When you know he could so easily take a drag of the teeth and-

You cleared your throat, turning your attention instead to the night sky -trying to cool down and clear your head. Of everything.

"Can't sleep?" He rumbled out, a sort of sleepy fondness in his tone rather than the biting rage from before-

It was going to be a long night.

You took a deep breath, dragging your eyes down from the stars -despite your better judgment. Always eager to feel the little humanity left in the world, you looked to him -his face was still covered in red but his eyes were much more attentive.

Focused.

"Nope," you answered, finally, voice shaking just slight enough for him to notice, "-it's hard to explain."

Rick seemed to gesture at his face, blood still encrusted on the skin (desperation to protect what was his-) leveling, "Try me."

You bit at your lip, hoping somewhere far off in your head that the night hid your face enough to excuse the redness, "I just. I feel like I should be doing more. Or even just anything at all. I'm... I'm restless."

"Hmm," he mumbled out, deep tone rattling something up your spine, "-I'm kinda the opposite. But I just... I can't rest."

There was something in the tone that wildly grounded you to the very current moment -Rick was distraught, worried. He believed he'd failed, you could just tell. He believed he'd done something past the line, and lost his humanity. His empathy. And in this world, it's the first step of a downward spiral.

With extra careful movements, to not wake those around you, you made your way across many of your group. They were all asleep, but still, somehow all connected -holding each other like it's the last thing they'd ever do. You made it to a spot beside him, setting an appropriate distance, you leaned against the car with a manufactured ease.

"What if I stayed up?" You asked, genuinely -eyes upturned to the sky (you couldn't look him in the eyes so close, you didn't want to risk it.)

Rick stilled beside you, you could feel him freeze -it almost made you itch to reach out for him, but you cut the thought short, "I can't ask ya to do 'at, Y/N."

"You didn't ask me, I offered," you started, looking at him before dashing away to the dwindling fire. It had been made with some extra supplies that had been packed up. It was a little but it went a long way. Looking back to the pile that had accumulated nearby, you assessed -it was mostly extras of things you didn't need so much of. Books, copy paper, twigs, some extra diapers from one of Judith's emergency packed bags-

You paused, her emergency bags...

"But," you responded, quickly standing, "-I think I have something that can help, anyway."

Digging around into some of the supplies, you had your eyes set on one thing. You knew it was there -you had packed it yourself. It was a lucky run, a store almost completely in stock and unaffected to the outside.

Finally, the package peaked up at you -pastels and what seemed to be baby zoo animals scattered along the plastic smiling. You grinned, a bit proud of yourself for finding them so-

"Baby wipes?"

Something in your stomach twisted at the grumble of 'baby' smoothing across his lips, but you pushed it down, "Don't sound so judgmental, Grimes, hear me out first."

He smiled, it was light -you imagined the smallest gust of air might shoo it away but you still counted it, "Okay, okay. I'm listenin'."

You pursed your lips, before cementing your tone -seriousness embedded in the fiber of your being, "For your face, I think... I think it might help if you cleaned up.

Rick softened, the smile growing into something more fond. The crow feet by his eyes making the lightest of an appearance, and you had the instinct to trace them for a moment -before shaking your head to clear the train of thought.

"You know," he smirked in the teasing kind of way he always did, "-if you wanted to touch my face you coulda just said so-"

You scoffed -trying to hide the blooming pink on your face and clear your mind of being so close, "Oh, fuck you, Grimes, do it yourself."

And you threw the package at his head, right at the grin that made your head spin in a new kind of way. Those teeth had-

You could handle this, right? Just give it a few days.

A few weeks, actually.

Or maybe a month.

You were trying, genuinely, to deal with it -if you could pinpoint exactly what it was, you could avoid it. So, you started testing things from a distance.

Trying to talk to him up close, was a no. All you could think about was his mouth, salt and pepper stubble stretched across his lips, and the low grumble of his voice-

No. Couldn't work.

So, you tried sitting farther away. Watching from a distance, and talking from a distance, if he noticed it, he didn't say anything. That one couldn't work either though, as you watched his hands (long, calloused fingers and palms that had surely-) flip through the pages -apparently, it was a log of everything the camp had left. Not that you had noticed at all.

And then, trying and trying again, you found Alexandria. A beautiful place with open doors, food, and shelter. You couldn't remember the last time you slept on a mattress, or had your own kitchen-

It was bliss, other than some paranoia here and there -mistrust bubbling up in the community, you'd found yourself comfortable there. And then, you'd unexpectedly gone to the Grimes house -urgently needing to pass on some news, you couldn't remember what now, or who, or anything about it really. He'd opened the door clean-shaven and shirtless, you couldn't get out of there fast enough.

Your solution was a simple one, just avoid the problem at all costs -going on any and every run offered to you (as long as Rick wasn't going, and with the new responsibilities of Alexandria, he hardly was), keeping conversations quick and short, and trying desperately hard to keep Rick far, far away from you.

And thinking back on it, maybe that's where it went wrong.

It was late, you knew that much. You didn't know exactly how late -your head just wouldn't stop, and you'd scampered out of bed before you could even look at some of the clocks -if they were even set properly.

You'd decided to go out on your porch, and watch the stars -they kind of felt like the only thing that was the same these days. You could remember stargazing from meadows when you were young, your parents pointing to the constellations they knew, and you eager to see any kind of shooting star.

Something was comforting about knowing it was the same sky, even though it felt so different. And you, you were so different.

"We gotta stop meetin' like this," he hummed, dragging your attention from the sky to himself -leaning out on the railing of his own porch. Almost like he was trying to bridge the gap from your house to his.

You laughed, at ease with the distance between the two of you (despite your eyes catching on his light t-shirt and plaid pants that hung a little too low), correcting, "You should, you have things to do in the morning, I, on the other hand, can sleep until the sun sets again. You're just being irresponsible."

Rick laughed, shaking his head -your eyes followed the movement, "Ain't you helpin' cook for the dinner party tomorrow?"

Oh, you realized before responding, "That's at like 5 pm, gives me plenty of time to-"

"Carol gets up at like 6 to gather everythin' up."

You fell silent, before commenting -a bit in exaggeration but still real, you hadn't slept this good in years, "Then, no, I am not helping."

He only laughed more, and something in your stomach swirled. It wasn't new. Nothing with Rick was new. You'd always known he was handsome (even under the sweat and the dirt this world brought), and seeing him so gentle with his kids... It was expected when your heart started up at the reigns.

"I missed this," he said suddenly, open and vulnerable -Rick had a way of just doing that. You could only envy it.

You played dumb, actively ignoring it -you knew you'd hurt him, and you didn't want to think about it, "Missed what?"

"You," he answered -simply, honestly, "-talkin' to you. You don't-"

Rick stopped, sighing somewhere deep in his chest and pinching the bridge of his nose -your gut twisted in guilt, "Look... can we talk? Inside?"

You stilled, your head spinning in the sort of way that always somewhat meant to get away, you hadn't sorted it all out yet. And he knew something was up, he was going to ask-

Your mouth moved before you could coach what to say, "What about Judith?"

He paused, the frown on his face brief but still settled there -careful and considerate, "We can talk in yours, if you're more comfortable with that."

Your first instinct, a strong instinct that had never led you wrong, said no. It would be too much, and you'd ruin the friendship you had with Rick if he figured any of this out. ANY of it. But your second instinct was softer, it knew Rick well. It could tell he was hurt by something you'd done -you could imagine what, and he wanted to fix it. Hell, he just wanted to talk.

"Yeah," you answered -hands a little too tight on the railing, voice screaming in your head, "-we can do that."

The next few minutes, your heart was pounding in your chest -loud and boisterous as you went into your home. Rick would be following close behind, you thought to yourself -distantly. Barely there, you spun into the kitchen, urging somewhere deep in your mind to get a barrier. A wall between him and you, something to do with your hands instead of-

"Can I get you some water?" You asked, clearing your throat and shifting your footing -not now, not now, not now.

Rick was tall, practically owning every room he came into -a presence larger than life. You'd always noticed that, really, he'd had just a powerful energy, one that you could feel as soon as he stepped into a room. It was a shift in the air, enough for your breath to slink out of your lungs-

"Yeah," he answered -oblivious to your own head, "-if ya don't mind."

He was close, naturally so, a tick to your right between the counters -waiting patiently. You instinctively swayed further to the left, the bristling feeling of his body heat making your head spin -a dizzy sort of intoxicating drift of his woodsy scent echoing into your nose-

Without thinking, you dropped the cup to the floor -shattered on the tile.

"Shit, Y/N-" Rick remarked, crouching down to the tile, using one of his hands to push your hip back (you almost couldn't breathe), "-ya got a broom?"

"Yeah, yeah," you swallowed, voice strained and head still dizzyingly spun, "-should be one in the closet in the hallway."

Just before he turned to go and get it, his eyes settled on you -slinking over your stiffened posture and the tone of your voice, "Are you... Everythin' okay?"

"What? Yeah," you tried to laugh -it came out pretty pathetic, "-why? Uh, why do you ask?"

Rick stepped forward -hand reaching to soothe, and you instinctively stepped back. Shit.

He frowned, something glazing over his eyes, and a twist of guilt settling itself deep in your stomach like a stone in a pond. His hand extended into empty air, he gently brought it back to himself -a flash of something deep in his eyes and frown only growing larger.

"This..." he sighed -trailing off into a quiet tone, "-this is what I wanted to talk 'bout. Mind if we go somewhere else? I'll clean up the glass later-"

"We can," you agreed -voice a little squeaky, and you barely let it stand in the moment's silence. Quickly, turning off into the living room, not waiting for him -you were running on self-preservation at this point. Your heart beating quickly in your chest, you kept your mind sane, calm, together-

You sat on the couch -not daring to uncross your legs. The sort of twist in your stomach was much different now, pillowing back and forth like a tidal wave.

"You can't even look at me," he echoed, voice distant -despite him standing off to the right of you, pacing, "-I just. I know you've been actin' weird since the run-in with the Claimers-"

You stilled -teeth gnashing, the thrum of his deep voice, the tightening of his jaw, the protectiveness in every line of his body, "Can we not talk about that?"

Rick paused, attention back on you -curious, confused, and heartbroken, "Look, I kno' that I lost it a lil' that day and I'm sure it was scary, but-"

"Rick, no, not-" you suddenly echoed, standing and approaching him on instinct -to comfort, to soothe, "-you did everything right that day. There weren't many options, and you did what you had to."

"But I scared ya. I know you're afraid of me-"

"Rick-" you started, desperate to explain, to get the pain out of his tone.

"You just have to know," he echoed, continuing as if you'd never even spoken -hands trailing to hold your arms, comforting, soothing but your brain only lit up at feeling, "-I would never hurt you."

"Rick-" you relented, sighing deep in your bones -air flushing out of your lungs, "-fuck, it's not... It's not that."

He stilled, eyes wavering over you in concern (sweet, your mind commented) "What's wrong then? You can't just avoid me an' not tell me, what's wrong. I'm done with 'at."

"Ugh," you groaned -the words not willing to come out of your lips, shimmying out of his hold and taking a few steps back, "-It's embarrassing."

"Embarrassin'? What are you talkin' about?"

"Fuck, I don't-" you ran a hand through your hair -frantic, and talking to yourself, "-maybe if I just come out and say it?"

"Y/N..." he started, roaming closer -trying to reach out and stop the pacing, help you, "-ya know you can tell me anything."

"God, you're not making this easy, you know?"

Rick furrowed his eyebrows, trying to catch your eyebrow -desperate, hurting, "Makin' it easy? Y/N just talk to me-"

And maybe it was because he had caught your eyes, even for just a second -blue desperate, pleading. He just wanted to fix it. Or maybe it was because your patience had worn thin, you were sick of hiding it-

Either way, it just came out.

"Fuck, I was into it."

The silence was deafening, as you tried to hide behind your palms -cheeks burning a furious red. But you couldn't stop it.

"So, no," you clarified, clearing your throat, "-I am not scared of you. At all. And I'd really appreciate it if we didn't talk about it."

Rick spoke, and you weren't looking at him but you could hear something there -low in his voice, "Speak for yourself."

Stilling, you turned to match him -finding something you knew in him, something instinctual, "What...?"

"What part?" he asked, leaning into your space -hand skipping up your side, fingers brushing up your skin, "Was it the anger? The blood?"

"Rick," you breathed out, breathless -heart racing against your chest, "-you don't have to."

He didn't respond immediately, fingertips dragging up agonizingly -your shirt riding up just slightly at the pressure. The hand ended up on your chin, holding it with his thumb and leveling his eyes with yours -and the heat that echoed through your skin seemed so suffocating. You felt like every part of your body was molten -your stomach twisting into something far different than guilt.

"Darlin', this ain't a chore."

"Rick-" you exhaled, tension thick as your eyes flicked between his and down to his lips. They were so close-

He sighed, pushing ever so slightly more into your chin, other hand riding up under your shirt -fingertips dancingly along your ribs, "Maybe I was thinkin' about this all wrong, hmm?"

You tried to speak, but he cut you to the chase -all low voice and you could feel his breath on your skin. Some part of you relished in the warmth, sensations dancing behind your eyes as all you could do was watch.

"I think," he moved even closer, your breaths mingling and head spinning -your legs weak and brain turning to a familiar buzz, "-I think y'er favorite part was my mouth."

A breath caught in your chest, held up simply by his hands -your knees buckled but all you wanted was to feel them, eyes dipping to his lips like it would change something, "Rick, please-"

"Please what, darlin'?"

"Kiss me," you echoed -instinctual.

He didn't hesitate, sweeping forward to connect his lips to yours -fast and it lit a fire somewhere in your stomach. And despite the rush, he'd been languid -trailing his hands up to the sides of your face. Big palms holding you still, lips chapped and the brush of his stubble leaving something so buzzed there.

He licked along your teeth, pushing you back into the wall with a force that made your head spin. You startled briefly from the impact, and he pulled back -tilting your chin to the side with one hand. Calloused fingertips leaving something burning there in their place, you didn't think you could speak-

"God," he nosed around your neck -pointedly close to the vein, and all you could do was whine, "-so pretty like this."

You groaned, hands splaying across his shoulders -feeling along the muscle there (god, you wanted to see), "Off, Rick-"

"You first," he echoed, hands trailing down to the hem of your shirt -tugging up. His fingers brushed across your skin there, and something in you weakened -you threw your arms up and he guided the fabric off. Big hands following it all the way up, he left a trail of goosebumps behind -as you tried to grab at the buttons of his flannel.

Mindlessly grabbing at the fabric, he merely chuckled.

"Patience, sweetheart," he hummed trailing his fingers along your skin -down to the band of your pants, hands dusting under them, "-let's focus on you for now, yeah?"

Breathless, you responded, "O-Okay."

"Good," he mumbled, leaning down without a breath of hesitance -mouthing along your jaw. Kiss after kiss after kiss, his tongue traced down your shoulder -avoiding your neck, particularly. Lips meshed with your skin, you reached up and grabbed some of his hair -thick curls between your fingers, he grunted against your skin.

"Please," you echoed, bubbling up from your throat -his teeth scrapping back up to your collarbone. He traced the bone, biting onto it -gentle and still something so desperate. You leaned your head back against the wall -moaning slipping through your lips through every drag of his tongue.

"That what you want?" he echoed between pressing kisses over your chest -tantalizingly close, "Wanna be all marked up? All mine?"

"All yours," you repeated -the thrum of his voice echoing off your skin, "-all yours."

"Hmm," he muttered pressing a finger to your neck, rubbing gently over your jugular -teetering over the area, "-gotta do it where 'ey can see then, don't I?"

"Yes. yes-" you begged, hands desperate all over his chest, "-please. I want them to see."

Rick grinned, nosing along your jaw -puffs of breath against your skin that made your head spin. Buzzing through your senses, you could feel everywhere he touched you -one hand rubbing along your hip, calloused thumb, and the burn of his hot breaths dissipating along your skin.

And then he finally leaned forward.

"Rick," you moaned, arching into him, as his lips latched onto the vein -taking the skin between his teeth, "-Rick, I can't-"

He only tugged, and your eyes rolled back at the spark of pain there. Teeth grazing, it left a pleasant sort of burn -as he held your head still, kissing along the spot with his lips desperately. Like he wanted all of you. Like he needed all of you.

Rick pulled back with one last languid kiss, tugging at the waistband of your pants, "Off, take these off-"

You were compliant, tugging them down with a quick motion and kicking them off your feet -vulnerable but your mind was in such a haze, you hardly noticed it.

"Beautiful," he hummed, hands dancing along your waist -trailing along your underwear, teasing, "-so beautiful, darlin'."

"More, Rick, please-"

He mouthed around your collarbone and you gasped at the sensitivity -the biting air brushing over his marks, they were so fresh. Only moving down your skin, through the dips and crevices, and your head only lit up with a rush of crimson -eyes bleary with pleasure. He focused in between your chest, leaving traces all along your skin -a beautiful dark path of bruises.

And then his fingers brushed across the fabric -timid and teasing. You groaned, rubbing onto his fingers, "Rick-"

He grunted, moving his hands swiftly to tug them down -rushed and desperate and instinctual. Your head spun as his breaths centered across your core -overwhelmed by the tension, you could not imagine you would last long.

Fingers brushing across your clit, your knees nearly buckled -a blinding bright flashing behind your eyes.

"Hey, hey," he spoke, looking up at you (big blues eyes a mere breath from the most sensitive part of your body) -keeping one hand on your hip, extra support, "-stay with me, sweetheart. Gotta remember this, so you know who treats you best, knows how to care of you, knows what you need-"

"You," you answered, breathlessly, "-you, only you."

He pressed a kiss to your inner thigh -gentle, sensitive skin making your whole body tense, "That's right, all mine."

His fingers trailing along your folds -calloused and gathering your wetness in smooth, slow, movements. Careful and gentle at a time when you were desperate, squirming, and whining -your hand thread deeply into his hair. A tinge in your heart at the fact he still wanted to be careful with you was overwhelmed by the need to have him there now. You didn't care if it was his finger, or his tongue-

He trailed along your core, teasing -blue eyes intent on your face watching every flicker there, every gasp. Before he pressed forward.

The slow sink of his finger made your eyes roll to the back of your head, a deep throaty moan pushing through you -loud. Rick's pupils were blown now, watching you squirm on his middle finger -twisting and grinding. He licked a long strip over your clit, and your head smacked against the wood -placing your free hand over your mouth, biting back the shrill moan you were sure was going to spill out.

Rick only quickened the pace, finger twisting in and out before it became two and your stomach tightened. Lips sucking relentlessly at your clit -teeth grazing across the sensitive skin, you used your hand in his hair to pull him closer (more, more, more). Words blabbering past your lips, broken and pleading, he only pushed harder, faster.

"I can't-" your voice shook, "-Rick, I-"

He merely kissed your clit, languid and slow and teasing, while his fingers kept up the pace -pounding against your skin so quickly it made you delirious. Head spinning and moans breaking out of your lips, every sensation felt so close. So close. So close-

And then you were shaking, bright lights flashing behind your eyes -squirming for any sort of more friction as it all built and flushed through your body. Pushing into his mouth and clenching his fingers, you felt your muscles spasm -eyes fluttering closed at the mere sensation of it all.

"Fuck," he grumbled out -pupils wide and watching your every move, finding his own finish, "-so pretty, so beautiful."

And before you could say a word, he pressed a gentle kiss on your lips -domestic, caring, tender. Grabbing the fabric of your nearby shirt and cleaning up, all his movement slow and caring -blue eyes flooding over your features like you were precious.

"I liked that shirt," you pouted, exhaustion biting at your tone and aching in your body but pushing past it to shove him gently. More like the press of a hand

Rick laughed -voice soft and a deep note of tired, "You can borrow mine if 'at makes ya feel better, sweetheart."

"Are you staying?"

"'Course, baby," he paused, eyeing you in that special kind of way except he was fond now -a beautiful, wonderful fond, and pushing back a loose strand of your hair, "-but, we should stay at mine, in case Jude wakes up. You okay with 'at?"

"Of course," you responded, teetering in place and leaning into his hand heavily.

He chuckled, trailing over the skin of your cheek, "So cute like this, darlin'."

You blushed, despite being in the situation you were in, he had just-

You cleared your throat, and wiped at your face like it would go away -playfully, "Oh fuck you, Grimes."

"Next time," he hummed, as natural as he could, before pulling you up -his rough hands in yours and smushing you into his side, "-Let's get you dressed, hmm?"

"Okay," you muttered, tucking yourself neater into his side.

And you thought for a second, that maybe it would all be okay. Maybe this could work.

You could at least hope it would.

And then, he leaned down and kissed your temple -a crinkly eyed smile aimed right at you, soft, domestic, caring... affectionate.

It could work, you decided -eyes laid hazily on him and everything he was, it could definitely work.

#mdni #18+ only #18+ content #rick grimes smut #rick grimes x y/n fanfiction #rick grimes x y/n smut #stuff n' thangs #rick grimes x reader #rick grimes x y/n #rick grimes x you #smut #but also kind of sweet?#i cant do just smut #im sorry girlies ✋️😞#MY FIRST SMUT!!!#bite marks

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noisycroissant · 6 months

Text

"It's you..."

Astarion x Reader

She was one of those marks that broke his chipped heart. The trusting ones, the doe-eyed ones who looked at him like he hung the stars in the sky. It hurt every minute he spent with her knowing that he was simply leading her to a fate worse than death.

He remembered the look in her eyes when they took her away with the others at the party where they lured all their marks to once a month. He dreamed of that look for years only to wake up to find himself shaking, face wet with tears. He didn't want to keep doing this, but another year of being confined and tortured and starved with no hopes of escape, freedom or otherwise...no, he couldn't survive that. Not again.

But then, he saw her again. He was sure it was his fragile mind playing tricks on him. Constant torture can do that you, y'know. But then he saw her again. The same hair. Skin paler though. And then he heard her voice.

"Astarion?"

When he heard his name in that voice again, his heart dropped to the pits of his stomach. He'd do anything, beg at her feet, grovel for forgiveness, anything to not hear that tone in her voice.

"I am angry for what you did to me. To my life. But I also understand why... I've had to do it myself."

I've had to do it myself.

If he ever had thoughts of murdering Cazador in the darkest ways possible, those thoughts just became a million times darker.

"Where you here all these years? I never saw you. I thought I knew every turned spawn in the palace."

"I was locked up for "lack of respect" and "till I learnt what was good for me "."

He knew what that meant. Lashes, pliers, blood, pain, hunger, tears.

Desperate prayers falling on deaf ears.

"I'm.. I don't deserve to say sorry. You'd have been... anywhere but here..if it weren't for me."

"I know. But you did what you did to survive. I don't begrudge you for that. I had enough time in that cell to know that choice does not live in these walls."

*******

And that's how it began. That was how hope came back into two people's lives. How it grew and bloomed with each passing look, each time fingers brushed while walking across hallways, each time a secret letter was found under a pillow.

After 150 years, Astarion dared to dream.

He would always curse himself when he remembered that night. It had taken them almost a year to plan, another year to talk courage into themselves to go through with it.

He remembered how soft her hands were when he held them as they ran through shadows.

Freedom. It was so close. Just a breath away.

And in the blink of an eye, it was gone.

Of course. What had he been thinking? They'd never be free. Not as long as that monster had a leash on them.

"Don't let them see each other, Godey. But make sure they hear."

Astarion remembers the day his heart finally crumbled to ash.

*******

Decades later, when he was finally let out again, the very first night he goes to the highest roof he could find in Baldur's Gate. And he sat there. Waiting for the sun. The only way he could be free of this hellish life. The only way he could forget the sins.

His skin prickled and he cried as the sky turned pink.

The next thing he remembers is waking up on a beach with a unholy squirming in his eye. A crashed ship, fire and smoke bellowing. Intellect devourers running amok. But he was out in the sun and it didn't burn. It didn't hurt.

The confusion was enough to drive him mad. 200 years of rage and pain, and he finally had a chance to end it. But even that was taken from him.

He heard footsteps and chatter. Hand goes to his dagger naturally. But then he hears a voice.

Her voice.

This must be the tenth circle of hell, he tells himself. This is where depraved sinners like him go to. Where they're tortured for eternity with the things they'll never see again.

Like the sun.

Or her.

But hope survives in the darkest of hells.

And it had found him again.

"Astarion?"

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ghouljams · 10 months

Note

Hi can I pls make a request for our resident nasty boy König? Can we see him and Leibling on a date? She’s vehemently denying it’s a date while he’s just looking at her w heart eyes

Absolutely, absolutely you can. Here's their first date that Liebling insists was not a date.

"Fuck I am starved," You groan, laying your head against the counter. You shouldn't have skipped lunch, but the shop was so busy you didn't have a moment to sit down. König's big hand strokes your head sympathetically, warm and heavy, you pout so he doesn't think you're enjoying it.

"We could get dinner," He says, something silver and hopeful at the edge of his voice. Your hunger encourages you to ignore it. Dinner would be good, you like dinner. König hums like he can hear what you're thinking. He does that sometimes, makes you think he can read your mind.

You try to think of what would be good for him. König doesn't take his hood off, and though you're not sure the reasons behind that, you're not going to ask him to. So, something easy for him. You grumble to yourself, everything you want to eat seems like it would be a hassle for him. His thumb rubs the crease in your brow, easing you to stop scrunching your face.

"What do you want to eat?" You ask him, glancing up past his fingers. His eyes flash with something wild and dangerous before softening, you sort of like that, makes you feel all gooey inside.

"I'm not picky," He pulls his hand away, you almost miss the weight of it. "Let's get Chinese, you want noodles." König goes to turn the lights out in the back as you sit up to grab your keys. Bastard really is reading your mind, how often does he do that?

You get takeout, mostly because König looked nervous standing in the restaurant. You only laughed a little at his panic trying to figure out what to order, and insisted on paying because you're really not sure the fae even have human money. They never buy anything in your store, so you've made some assumptions.

You end up walking back to your flat on pure autopilot, too hungry to think of anything but getting seated and eating as fast as possible. König follows you, of course, which you'd be more concerned about if he didn't already know where you live and regularly follow you home. You should really talk to him about that, he doesn't really have stalker vibes but boundaries are still important. You'll do that later. You hold your door open for him and he freezes.

"Oh," you blink, not sure why you did that.

"Are you inviting me in?" His eyes are so big and hopeful, you feel like you can't say no.

"I guess I am." His hand presses over yours to hold the door as he passes through. You feel a slight pop in your ears, like a plane cabin being pressurized.

König swallows your entryway, impossibly big, an all encompassing presence that you can't take your eyes off of for fear it won't be the same when you look back. It's like he's trying to fill every corner, every speck of your vision, of your home. He smells like the forest after it rains, like wet dirt and decaying wood, like something earthy and primal that you lost when you moved to the city. You blink, and it's just König the same as he always is, staring at you like you hung the moon and every star in the sky.

"This is like a date," He says and you forget everything he just was in favor of your embarrassment. Your cheeks burn, your ears rapidly following them in lighting up red.

"It's not a date." You tell him quickly. He tips his head to the side, eyes smiling and patient.

"It could be."

"It's not."

#fae!konig #what do you want to eat? König: you #I love that he is the nasty boy and not Ghost #König's crimes of being a general nuisance cannot be forgiven #Ghost's crimes of kidnapping are fine cuz he did put her back #konig x you #konig x reader #konig mw2 #konig modern warfare #fae au

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zyonsay · 4 months

Note

People do not appreciate Max's thighs enough so Max x male reader where reader just appreciates his thighs 🙏 maybe suggestive? Tysm 😭

You look good MV1

Fem aligned people may read but not f3tishize my work!!

Summary: Getting to know Max a little... better

Reader: Male

Warnings: Suggestive

Now playing: 'Brooklyn Baby' by Lana del Rey

AN: ANON YOU'RE SO REAL FOR THAT. I've been thinking about his thighs so much lately istg. Like they are so meaty i just wanna bite into them. Thank you for the request anon, i hope you enjoy!

You’ve been ogling him for the whole evening, little did you know that Max was well aware of that. Currently, you were enjoying some margheritas on a sleek, white yacht in Monaco. The night settled in; you didn’t know what time it was though. Originally you had arrived with a small group of friends, but by now all of them either left with a man or were currently emptying their stomachs over the rim of the toilet bowl.

You were part of Redbull’s PR team, so you’ve gotten to know Max and Checo a while ago. Though you worked more with the editing of videos and social media posts than actually talking to the two drivers. From time to time, you all shared a hello or a goodbye, but nothing more.

But this evening was different. After Christian had urged you to relax, so you took a couple days off. This was also when you saw that Charles Leclerc would be hosting a yacht party. ‘perfect’, you thought. This was your chance to let loose and maybe meet some new people.

Not a new person, but Max Verstappen himself came up to you. He signaled the bartender to bring you two drinks, while keeping his eyes on you. His smile was sweet, but something playful glinted in his eyes.

“You look really nice.”, it was a simple, direct compliment, but it was the way he said it and the look he had in his blue eyes. His smile was as sweet as honey, and he looked at you like you hung the stars and moon in the sky. You felt a warm feeling flush over your face and your heart skipped a beat. Thank you, you too though.”, feeling a bit nervous you began playing with the hem of your satin dress shirt. “This might be sudden – but I want to get to know you.”, he stated it so bluntly, but after all it suited the type of person he was. Your eyes widened lightly as the meaning of his words kicked in. Though shortly after a shy smile made its way to your lips, before you took a swig of your drink. “Me too.” Max was enjoying seeing you all flustered and smiley. He slid a careful hand onto your thigh, though stopping his movement a bit above you knee. His eyes met yours, as if asking for permission. You weren’t sure if it was the lighting, but suddenly he was glowing in golden hues and everything around you two became a blurry mess.

A string of curses left Max’s form as he tried swiping his card key. His posture was a bit wobbly, and his skin felt like it was burning. Your hands roamed his chest as you kissed along his neck, sucking, and nipping occasionally. Finally, a quiet beep erupted from the lock and Max let out a grateful sigh. He pulled you inside, closing the door and slamming you right against it in quick motion. While groaning lightly, your hands found the buttons on his shirt, tugging at them and opening them one by one. Max was also working away at opening your shirt and pants. His tipsiness didn’t stop him from undressing you surprisingly fast though.

But this night wasn’t going to go the way he intended, no. The room was dimly lit by a lamp on the nightstand, you could barely see enough. With a mischievous smile, you pushed him backwards with your hand on his chest. He obediently backed up until the back of his legs hit the bed. After giving him a sweet peck, you pushed him onto the bed. His eyes widened lightly as he fell, but soon after hitting the mattress, he propped himself up with his elbows while a slight smirk played across his face. The night was clear, there wasn’t a single cloud in sight. The stars sparkled and shimmered while the moon watched over them. You crawled onto the mattress, caressing Max’s legs and thighs.

One last look into his eyes and you began kissing the inside of his right thigh while massaging the other one with your hand. A desperate sigh escaped the man under you, he now threw his head back while panting with passion and anticipation. His skin reddened quickly as you sucked and bit it. One of your hands reached up, lacing your fingers with his. His thighs were littered with love bites and sweet bruises. Your teasing had Max seeing stars, just like the ones outside in the nights sky.

His hand found its way into your fluffy hair, tugging on it as he whined desperately.

You chuckled darkly, “Use your words”

#lmao #i made a cardboard cutout of Oscar piastri btw #male reader #f1 x male reader #f1 x reader #reader insert #x reader #male reader insert #max verstappen x male reader #f1 fanfic #gay #x male reader #male!reader #male x male #f1 imagine #f1 fic #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen fic #ZyonsRequests

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onceuponaoneshotfanfic · 21 days

Text

You Better Cross the Line

I'm Bright Baby Blue, Falling Into You

Chelsea!Roy Kent x Coach's Daughter!Reader

2k words

Warnings: Language, reader has a nickname, lying/sneaking around, adults drink beer, Roy is already down bad, no Ted Lasso characters except for Roy, fluff & flirting

“Yeah, Kent. You could call me sometime.”

Roy nodded, clearly fighting the urge to smile, and squeezed your hand. “You should probably go inside soon,” he sighed as he turned his face towards the sky. “Your dad’ll be looking for you.” As though he couldn’t help it, he looked back at you. “But I’ll call you,” he promised with a firm nod.

You reluctantly left Roy on the pitch, your head swimming with wondering when the footballer would call you and what he would say. Or ask. It was clear you were no longer alone in your attraction, and that this was at least something more than an entertaining flirtation on his end.

The questions still floated in your mind while you watched your father gather his work things. When he wasn’t looking, you quickly scribbled your mobile number on a sticky note and tucked it into Roy’s locker when no one was paying attention.

In the car you were uncharacteristically quiet; normally, you and your dad would spend the drive chatting about training, about the players, about any football news or rumors you’d read while sitting in his office. But today, your thoughts were too full of Roy Kent and his brown eyes and wondering when he’d call to offer anything more than little Mmm hmms and Yeahs to your increasingly perplexed father.

It was the moment you walked through the front door that your mobile and the universe had mercy on you. You all but scrambled up the stairs as you answered it.

“Hello?” Fuck, since when was your voice this damn breathy?

“Hey.”

Your heart and your bedroom door slammed in sync. Roy Kent was calling you.

How were you supposed to breathe, let alone talk, when a gorgeous, funny, talented, famous footballer called you up after holding your hand on the pitch?

Clearly, Roy could tell you were struggling to form words, because he went on speaking. “This is Roy.” As if you wouldn’t know that delicious growl anywhere.

“I know,” you finally managed. You collapsed on your bed. “You called fast,” you teased.

“Didn’t want you to think I’d forgotten,” he replied with a small chuckle. Why the hell did he sound nervous? You were the one living in a fantasy, lying in your room, chatting on the phone with Chelsea’s star player. For him, this was probably just a Thursday night. “I was wondering…” He cleared his throat, a low, gruff sound. “D’you want to come over? We could watch a film, have some pizza.”

You were living in the Matrix. That was it. That had to be it. There was no other explanation to why Roy fucking Kent was asking you out. Well, in. But still. How the fuck was this happening?

“Sure,” you managed, hoping he couldn’t hear how thick your voice felt. “That sounds great.” You sat up and cleared your throat, grimacing at your reflection in the mirror and trying to flatten your suddenly unruly hair. “What time?”

“Whenever.” There was that Roy Kent aloofness, almost as if he was trying to convince you he didn’t care as much as he truly did. “Just… you’re not telling your dad, right?”

There it was. The thing that was going to be perpetually hanging over whatever this thing was going to end up being. Dear Old Dad, Chelsea’s fearless leader, Roy’s boss. He’d never in a million years approve of you seeing Roy Kent. He knew what footballers were like, and he knew what Roy Kent was like. Your dad might have that heart attack he was always joking about if he got even a whiff of this conversation.

Not that you were going to let that stop you.

“Course not,” you hummed. “You’d be buried under Stamford Bridge if the old man ever found out you called.”

His chuckle echoed in your ear. “Appreciate it.”

He quickly gave you directions to his flat, and you agreed to be over in about an hour. When you hung up, you fought the urge to scream into a pillow. You were going to Roy Kent’s place. You’d be watching a movie, hanging out, with Roy Kent. Hell, you might wind up kissing Roy Kent by the end of the night.

You clambered out of bed and rushed to your closet. You’d gone on lots of dates, you reminded yourself. Dates with ridiculously good-looking guys even. Successful dates, you might add. But none with Roy Kent, the little voice in your head pointed out.

After stressing over whether or not you could even call this a date, you finally forced yourself to find a flattering pair of jeans and a light sweater. Comfortable, casual enough for a movie night, but something you knew you looked good in. A quick brush through your hair, a little lip gloss, some trainers on your feet. It was just right for a night in, and hopefully simple enough to not rouse your father’s attention.

“’m taking the car!” you shouted as you practically skipped downstairs.

“Where are you off to?” Your mother’s soft smile was a welcome sight when you were hoping to avoid your dad.

You fiddled with the strap of your purse. “Angela’s,” you blurted out, naming a friend your mother knew well. “Just having a girls’ night.”

She nodded; there was no reason to doubt you, not when your summers were always full of evenings with your friends. “Have fun.” A kiss landed on your forehead. “Be safe, alright?”

Be safe. Her words bounced around in your head as you climbed into your dad’s car, the one you usually borrowed when you were home. Be safe. Was spending time like this, alone in Roy Kent’s flat, being safe? You weren’t an innocent little dove, but you knew his reputation. You knew it well. You giggled over it with your friends, wondering if the things you read in the tabloids were true, rolling your eyes lightheartedly when the girls asked if you’d ever seen anything in the changing room.

Oh, the things they’d say if they knew what you were up to.

The drive to his building was shorter than you expected, shorter than you needed it to be with the nerves you were trying to control. Somehow, they got worse as you strolled into the building and found your way to Roy Kent’s flat. After a shake of your shoulders to try to get rid of the tension they carried, you gave a quick rap to the door.

You waited maybe two beats before you heard the knob turn. Roy Kent filled the doorway in a pair of dark jeans and a black shirt that fit him too perfectly. He smirked at the sight of you, not bothering to hide the way his eyes flickered down your body. He was less the guy on the pitch who quietly asked if he could call you and more the cocky man you’d read about in tabloids; you weren’t sure which you preferred, but you’d take either one in a heartbeat.

“C’mon in,” he hummed as he opened the door wider for you. You followed him inside, pretending you often found yourself in the flats of professional footballers. He nodded to a shelf filled with DVDs. “Pick something,” he said simply. “You want a beer?”

“Sure.” You turned your attention to the movies as you listened to his footsteps recede to what you assumed was his kitchen. He had a decent collection, you observed. A little bit of everything, and even a couple things you’d never heard of. A smile crossed your face when you caught sight of a familiar movie title.

Roy returned with a couple of beers and a box of pizza, his eyebrows raised when he saw the movie you were holding up. “When Harry Met Sally?” he read.

You nodded and accepted the bottle he handed you as well as the pizza box. “That alright? I really like this one.”

“Whatever you want, princess.” He took the case from you and nodded for you to have a seat.

Roy Kent’s couch was comfortable. It didn’t creak when you sat, not like the couches in residence halls tended to do. You put the pizza on his coffee table and opened the box, letting the delicious smell fill the room. After he turned on the television and set up the movie, Roy turned to look at you, something unreadable flickering on his face for a brief moment.

“Grab a slice,” he mumbled as he plopped down next to you. His eyes found yours, searching for a brief moment. “Thanks for coming over.”

There he was. The guy who’d laid next to you on the pitch and gently touched your hand and asked if he could call you. The guy you liked best, you decided.

“Thanks for inviting me,” you murmured, grabbing a piece of pizza before settling back into the couch. For the second time that day, you found yourself far too close to Roy Kent. Even with the whole couch to sit on, he chose to sit close to you, close enough for your arms to brush every time you took a sip of your beer.

The two of you watched the start of the movie in silence, except for a few breathy chuckles here and there when Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan were particularly funny. Thankful that the food had filled your stomach with something besides butterflies, you stole a glance at Roy. He looked comfortable, almost happy as he brought his bottle to his lips. With his eyes still on the screen, he lifted his arm and settled it behind the couch- behind you. His gazed flickered to you for a moment, eyebrows raised playfully, before he slouched into the cushions.

Was this what Roy Kent making a move looked like?

You tried to focus your attention on the movie, you really did. But you could hear his breathing and feel his side pressed against yours and your peripheral vision could see the pink in this cheeks and fuck, why did he have to smell so good?

When he leaned forward to place his beer on the coffee table, his arm wrapped around your shoulders. Oh, shit, you forgot how to breathe. Especially when he kept his arm firmly there once he sat back against the cushions.

Your inability to breathe only got worse when he bowed his head and whispered in your ear, “This alright?”

“Yeah,” you exhaled, feeling bold enough to turn to face him.

From this close, you could count every freckle on his face, memorize the shape of his nose and lips, see the brightness in his eyes. You could practically feel the rise and fall of his chest as he leaned forward, letting his nose brush against yours.

“This alright?”

Your heartbeat pounded in your ear, drowning out the sound of Billy Crystal singing “Surrey with the Fringe on Top” on the telly. The only thing you could think about was the tip of Roy’s nose bumping your burning skin and his lips only centimetres away from your own.

“Yes.”

Far too many nights in your dorm had been spent imagining Roy Kent’s lips on yours. But none of those dreams compared to the real thing. Because those fantasies didn’t tell you how soft his lips were, or how his hand rested on your thigh with a gentle firmness. Or how he tasted like pizza and beer and delight. Or the way his mouth parted so his tongue could gently flick against your lips before he pulled away, looking as breathless as you felt. Or, worst of all, how you knew he’d just ruined every other kiss for you.

He cleared his throat as he leaned back, his eyes roaming your face. “Well?”

“Well, what?” You knew he could see the flush on your face, but you hoped that you could hide it by acting as cool as he usually did.

“Well, are you going to let me kiss you again?” There was that cocky grin, the one you often saw on the pitch, the one that made your entire body go warm. “Or are you going to run and tell The Sun that Roy Kent is a shit kisser?”

Despite the swarm of butterflies fluttering in your chest, you laughed and rolled your eyes. “Sorry, I think I need another demonstration.”

Roy shook his head at you and cupped your face. “If you insist, princess.”

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