#that just made me feel ten times worse. like i know it wasn't meant to be like 'ah great als you screwed us over are you kidding me' but. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bjtch-craft · 7 months

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"Can I make it up to you, please?"

Peter Parker x Black! Male reader

✩ Summary: Peter gets into an argument with the reader but makes it up to him...

✩ Word count: 2k

✩ Genre: Angst to Smut

✩ Request: Yes or No

✩ Warnings: Smut, crying, over stimulation (if you squint you'll see it), and (LIGHT) choking!!

✩Authors note: Sorry for disappearing for a while. School started again, and I wanna d!e already!!! Anyways this is my first attempt at writing smut, and it's so totally not proofread! So if there's any mistakes, please comment them so I can correct them.

"I don’t understand why you’re so mad at me!"

"Peter, I’m not fucking mad at you!"

Peter takes a deep breath and rubs his eyes with his wrist before placing them on either side of him, softly gripping at the sheets.

"Then why are you yelling at me?"

"I’m not-!" [Name] cuts himself off after hearing his tone. "I’m not yelling at you; I'm just... worried. Okay? Worried that one day you’ll meet your match or run into some crazy obsessed fan." He finishes his sentence with a softer tone.

"Well, you don’t have to be! Okay?"

"I know, but..."

"Is this about MJ?:

[Name’s] worried look is wiped away by Peter’s accusation and a look of shock forms.

"W-what? No!"

"Because it feels like it is! Is that why you meant by an obsessed fan?" Peter says, putting up air quotes while saying "obsessed fan. "

"That’s not what I meant!"

"Then what did you mean? Because to me, it seems like you’re upset; I’ve been hanging out with her more often. Jealous even."

"Oh my God, Peter, you’re un-fucking-believable! This isn’t about her or anything else; this is about me! And my concerns! You don’t even know how many times I’ve seen you go up against some big and how terrified I've been! Terrified that you’ll get seriously hurt or worse."

Peter lets out a scoff.

"So you’re just being overprotective now?"

[Name's] jaw dropped at the sentence that left Peter’s lips. He wasn’t sure how to react.

Peter and [Name] never argued, and even if they did, they’d get over it within a minute or two, but for some god-forsaken reason, Peter was being an absolute dick.

The energy in the room increased by ten as both of them (mostly [Name], of course) could feel the anger begin to sink in even deeper.

"Peter. What. The. Fuck! Is wrong with you today? I don’t know why you’re being like this!"

"Like what?"

"Like a dick! I don’t even know why you’re arguing with me; I’m just telling you my fucking concerns, and you have the fucking gall to call me jealous and overprotective."[Name] says, dragging out the word "Gall".

"And I’m just telling you how I feel too!"

[Name] didn’t know how to react; he felt hurt and could feel a sob begin to make its way up his throat. He gulped it down (that didn’t work; he ended up still crying later, but that’s later) he began to pull at the bottom of his shirt while looking at the floor.

"Peter… Can you leave?" [Name] said quietly.

"W-what?"

"I said," Can you leave," please?"

"Okay. Fine."

And with that, Peter stood up and made his way out the door, leaving [Name] standing there in silence, a tear threatening to fall from his eye. It wasn't an empty threat, and the tear fell. And fell. And fell. And fell.

Soon the sun set behind the tall buildings of New York, and the moon rose, casting a small bit of light into [Name's] room. [Name] sunk into his bed as he stared up at the ceiling, a million thoughts rushing through his brain.

Are we over?

Why was he mad at me?

Should I say sorry?

Should he say sorry?

Is it my fault?

No, it's his fault.

For sure.

Tap tap tap. [Name] sat up softly and looked towards his window, expecting to see the source of the sound. But there was nothing…

"Am I hallucinating? Can you even hallucinate sounds?" [Name] thought aloud.

Now, you can actually hallucinate sounds, but this wasn't a hallucination. Tap. Tap. Tap. [Name] got up from his bed, crept towards the window, and slid it open.

"Hello…? Why'd I say hello? That's basically a death wish if this was a horror movie. "

"Hi!"

[Name] jumped back from the window with a yelp. Before creeping back towards it and looking out it once again, but this time staring down to see a familiar blue and red suit.

Peter stood on the building's brick wall, looking up at [name], his arms crossed around.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah…"

[Name] backed up from the wall as Peter climbed inside with a smile on his face.

"Do you have anything I can change into, babe?"

[Name] let out a scoff.

"Babe! Don't babe me, dude. Are you seriously going to pretend that our argument didn't happen?

"Sorry! I thought you'd be a little calmer. But do you?"

[Name] walked to his closet, pulled out a sweater, made his way toward his dresser, grabbed a pair of sweats, and threw them at Peter.

Peter changed and threw the suit in a corner before sitting down on the mattress. And a somewhat awkward energy filled the room.

"I'm sorry… I am. I don't know why I was being such a dick! But I'm sorry for what I said." Peter looked down at the floor, unable to look at his boyfriend.

"Peter…"

[Name] wasn't sure what to say, and in situations like this (awkward, scared, and nervous), he often coiled his already-curled hair around his finger.

"I feel like such a shitty boyfriend."

[Name] placed his hand on Peter's cheek. "You're not a shitty boyfriend, though... You admit when you're wrong and understand why 6 wrong. That's legit one of the many reasons why I love you!"

Peter looked up at [name], nuzzled his face into his palm, and planted a soft kiss on his palm. [Name] ran his thumb over his pale cheek. It was a sweet moment that didn't last very long.

[Name] softly ran his thumb over the corner of Peter's soft lips. Peter adjusted his head and planted a kiss on the darker-skinned boy's thumb. [Name] smiled down at Peter.

"I love you, Peter..."

"I love you too."

[Name] pressed his finger against Peter's lip. He got the hint and opened his mouth, letting his boyfriend's thumb in. He looked up at [name] with innocent eyes as he bobbed his head up and down on his thumb.

"Jesus..." [Name] whispered out.

Peter came off his finger with a pop, his face turning a light pink.

"Can I make it up to you, please?"

[Name] nodded his head softly and backed up as Peter got up off the bed and kneeled in front of him.

"You can say no at any time, and I'll stop," Peter said with a smile.

"Same to you."

Peter reached up and pulled down [Name's] basketball shorts, dropping them to his ankles. Peter reached up and gently groped at the bulge in the other boy's boxers. Peter pulled them down with ease.

Peter stroked it gently, causing a soft whimper to release from [Name's] mouth as Peter's soft hands glided over his cock. Peter grabbed the base of [Name's] cock and gently licked the tip before taking it into his mouth. Peter looked up at [Name] as he slowly took more into his mouth, gagging a bit as he made his way towards the base.

[Name] reached down and placed his hand in Peter's hair, holding his head in place, making Peter gag as drool pooled out of the corner of his lips.

"Fuckkk! Peter, your mouth feels so good."[Name] moaned out.

Peter let out another gagging sound and tapped the side of [Name's] thigh, signaling for him to let go. And [Name] did Peter come off his cock with a pop and look up at him with a smile, a rope of drool connecting [Name's] tip to his lips.

"Are you okay, Peter?"

"Yeah. Fine." Peter said as he began to slowly stroke [Name's] dick.

He placed it back in his mouth and began to go back down on it. He bobbed his head up and down in a repeating motion as he reached into his sweats and pulled out his own cock and began jerking himself off.

Peter came off his dick and kitten, licked the tip, and placed it back into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it.

"Agh, Jesus Peter" [name] whimpered out.

[Name] placed his hands on either side of his head and slowly began pulling his head further down on his shaft.

"I'm going to go a little rough. Is that okay with you?"

"Mmmm," Peter hummed in response, causing a soft vibration on [Names] dick, making him let out another moan.

[Name] gripped a handful of Peter's hair and began to pull his cock out of his mouth before slamming it back down his throat. Peter, still stroking his own cock, reached out and grabbed at [names] thighs for support.

[Name] strengthened his grip on Peter's head and began slamming his cock down Peter's throat harshly, causing drool to pool out of the corners of his lips.

"Ohhh God! F-fuck!"

Peter whimpered and whined around the length as tears filled his eyes, threatening to spill.

"MM~ MMM~" Peter whined out.

Peter jerked himself off at an even faster rate, chasing his climax. And he chased it, cumming all over his hands and floor.

"Aww, Pete...."

[Name] pulled his dick out of Peter's mouth, leaving him gasping for air.

"F-fuck~" Peter said in between breaths.

"Are you okay, Pete?"

"Mhm."

"You came... kind of fast."

Peter's pale face turned a soft pink as he ran a hand through his hair, looking down at the floor.

"Do you want to, like, you know, go all the way? You don't have to say yes." [Name] said, reaching down and lifting Peter's chin up to look at him.

"Yes, I want to do it."

[Name] reached down and pulled Peter up by his arm, smashing his lips against his. [Name] kicked off his shorts and boxers and began walking them toward the bed, lightly pushing Peter down. Peter reached out and gripped the collar of [Names] shirt, pulling him down with his lips, never breaking contact.

[Name] broke the kiss, placed a soft kiss on Peter's cheek, and started making his way towards his neck. Kissing down his jawline before softly biting his neck.

"Fuck~" Peter moaned out.

[Name] began sucking on the flesh and biting at it before licking over the bite. The warmth of [Names] tongue made Peter blush even more, making his already pink skin turn a deep scarlet. [Name's] hands traveled down Peter's body, slipping them up his shirt and feeling him up.

[Name] reaches out from under Peter's shirt and takes his cock in his hand, gently tugging at it. Peter let out a soft whimper at the feeling of [name's] warm hand.

"Is this okay?" [Name] says speeding up the pace.

Peter bites down on his bottom lip and nods his head.

With his other hand, [Name] begins to pull Peter's shirt up and begins placing soft kisses on his torso, making his way toward Peter's cock. Peter pulled his shirt off, making [Name] let go of his cock.

[Name] delicately kissed Peter's tip, spat in his hand, and began jerking him off once more. The sound of wet noses and whimpers filled the room.

"Does that feel good, Peter?"

"Mhm-ahh~ Fuck~!" Was all he could whine out as [Name] ran his thumb over his tip in a particularly hard motion.

[Name] let's go of Peter's cock and steadied himself on his knees, grabs the bottom of his shirt and pulls it off.

"Let me know if it hurts or if I'm going to be rough, okay?"

"Okay."

[Name] placed Peter's legs on his shoulders and steadied himself on the mattress before lining himself up with Peter's hole. Peter reached out and felt around on his boyfriend's bedside table until he felt a familiar wrapping.

"Here."

Peter handed him a condom. [Name] opened it and slid it over his dick and pushed into Peter slowly, wanting him to adjust to his size before moving.

Peter gripped the sheets and twisted them in his hands as he let out a soft moan.

"F-fuck~"

[Name] reached out and grabbed Peter by the waist and pulled him down on his cock. [Name] bottoming inside of Peter as he looked down at him to see his arm covering his face, his face somehow even pinker.

"Does this feel okay?"

"Mhm."

"Can you uncover your face? I want to see all the pretty little faces you make, Pete."

Peter's cock twitched at this, and a drip of precum made its way down his cock. Peter did as he was told, took his arm off, and looked up at the curly-haired boy.

"I'm going to start moving, okay? Let me know if it's too much or if you want to stop. I won't be mad, I promise!"

"Okay, I will."

[Name] began to roll his hips in and out of the pale boy, starting off with a slow pace to ensure he didn't hurt him. [Name] decided to test the limits and pulled out of Peter, making him let out a breathy gasp at the loss of friction before slamming back into him and producing another loud moan from him.

His face contorted into a mixture of pleasure and pain as his hands shot out and grabbed at [Names] shoulders as he rocked his hips into Peter.

"Aghh~ C- Can you go a little harder?'

[Name] listened to his question and sped up the pace, filling the room with the sound of a headboard banging and the sound of skin against skin. [Names] hands roamed down Peter's thighs until they reached his cock, took it in his hand, and began once again jerking him off at an irritatingly slow pace.

[Name] placed his other hand on the back of Peter's head and leaned in their lips inches apart. [Names] thrust slowed for a second before stopping all together.

"Why did you stop?" Peter said, his voice barely above a whisper.

[Name] closed the gap between them. Peter kissed back almost instantly and placed his hand on the back of [Names] head, tangling his fingers in his curls. [Name] began to thrust into him slowly and more gentle as the kiss deepened.

[Name] grabbed Peter's hands and placed them above his head, holding them in place and breaking the kiss in the process. His thrust quickened, and once again, the sound of skin against skin filled the room.

"Fu-fuck~ ugh!" [Name] moaned out.

His thurst became even harder as he chased his high. Peter could feel tears starting to fall from his eyes, not from pain but from pleasure. It was all too much. His ccok standing up straight twitched and shot ropes of cum all over his abdomen, painting that area of his body glossy white.

"I'm not too far behind," [Name] grunted out.

His thrust became sloppy, losing the rhythm as he tightened his grip on Peter's wrist.

"F-fuuck~"!

He let go of Peter's wrist, pulled out of him, and made his way to the floor. Peter got the idea quickly and knelt before sticking his tongue out as [Name] jerked himself off.

After one or two strokes, he came, shooting his load over Peter's face. Blotches of white landed on his lashes, chin, nose, forehead, tongue, and hair.

Peter swallowed the cum that had landed in his mouth and smiled looking up at [name] innocently.

"Jesus Christ, Peter, you're so pretty."

Authors note part 2!!!:

Okay so y'all I'm thinking of doing an Olivia Rodrigo type of story with Bad Idea, right? Should I do this???

Link to the song in case y'all haven't heard it yet!!!

#lgbtq #gay #peter parker x male reader #spiderman x male reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x male reader #smut #peter parker smut #peter parker x black!reader #Peter parker x Black male reader #idk man #Is this even good #Spotify

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honeybrowne · 2 years

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𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 — 𝐀𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐍 𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐍𝐄𝐑

— summary: after forgetting your anniversary, aaron is consumed with guilt and can't help but feel like he doesn't deserve you or the gift you gave him. you prove to him that he does.

— pairing: aaron hotchner x reader (no pronouns)

— content: angst with a happy ending; hurt feelings [1.6k words]

— author's note: this was requested and meant to only be a blurb, but it quickly got out of hand… so here we are lmao. i hope this is what you had in mind, anon!

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9:37 p.m.

That's what the clock read when you looked at it for the fifth time in the last ten minutes, wondering if your boyfriend would ever come home.

At this point, you had been waiting for almost five hours. The dinner you made for your anniversary already stored in the refrigerator.

Part of you hoped the team had been called away for a case, and Aaron was too swamped with responsibilities, trying to save yourself from the sorrow that he simply forgot. But deep down, you knew he would've made time to call you, texting Penelope to know for sure.

Once you got the confirmation from her that they didn't have a case, and he was still in his office when she left, you couldn't stop the tears from rolling down your face.

Maybe it was your fault for not reminding Aaron of what today was, but you didn't think you had to. You thought he'd remember on his own, considering he referred to the day you agreed to be his partner as the second best day of his life, only coming second to when his son was born.

Knowing it wasn't as important to him as you thought stung, probably just another day that he didn't think was worth celebrating when it meant everything to you.

After another twenty minutes, you decided there was no point in waiting anymore. You turned off all the lights, blew out the candles you lit, and left his gift on the table for him to find.

When Aaron got home an hour later, he wasn't surprised to see all the lights out, but he was surprised to see a card and a small box wrapped beautifully in wrapping paper sitting on the kitchen table. He looked down the hall to check if the bedroom door was open and you were awake, but it was closed, and he flicked the lights on to get a better look at it.

His stomach sank when he read his name in your handwriting on the pale blue envelope, a tiny heart doodled at the end.

That's when it dawned on him.

He ran a hand down his face at the realization, cursing under his breath as he carefully opened it. It was a card for the anniversary he had forgotten, resulting in you spending it alone because he stayed late at work for the fourth time that week.

What hurt even worse was what you had written on the inside:

Happy anniversary, my love.

I know one year of being together might not be the most significant milestone you've accomplished, but getting to love you for that long has been the most significant one of mine. To this day, I still can't comprehend how I got lucky enough to share this life with you and be the one you come home to every night you're not away saving the world.

There's so much more I wish I could say, but there aren't enough words to express how much you mean to me, so I hope this is good enough.

Forever yours, Y/N.

With a shaky hand and a few stubborn tears, Aaron set the card down and reached for the box beside it. Carefully, he slipped the ribbon off, removing the paper as neatly as possible. Just by the emblem on the packaging, he knew what it was.

A few months ago, he had mentioned a watch he wanted but didn't think it was worth spending that much on something he could get for cheaper. Of course, you had gotten it for him anyway, a gift to prove you listened and wanted to do whatever you could to make him happy. He tried not to get more choked up about it, but the lump in his throat proved that to be useless.

Opening it confirmed his suspicions that it was the silver Submariner Rolex he had shown you, and he couldn't help but feel like he didn't deserve to touch it, much less put it on.

He closed the lid and left it on the table where he found it but took the card with him before making his way into the bedroom.

You were fast asleep, the bathroom light on and the door cracked open because you hated sleeping in complete darkness without him. Aaron quietly removed his suit and shoes, hanging his jacket and pants up in the closet so he could take them to the dry cleaners at the end of the week.

Before getting in bed with you, he placed the card on the nightstand next to the picture of him and Jack you gifted him for his birthday. You didn't move when he slipped under the covers, either in too deep of sleep to notice or refusing to give him any of your attention.

If the latter were the case, he wouldn't have blamed you.

"Sweetheart," Aaron said softly, gently rubbing your arm, trying not to startle you.

"Not in the mood," you murmured as you moved away, followed by a faint sniffle.

There wasn't a doubt in his mind that you spent all evening crying, which broke his heart. It was already bad enough that he had stupidly forgotten your anniversary, but to know he was the reason for your tears made him feel like the worst boyfriend in the world, and all he wanted to do was fix it.

"Baby, please look at me," he begged, refraining from touching you again.

Your breath was unsteady as you inhaled deeply, slowly turning around to face him. Even with the tiny sliver of light coming from the bathroom, Aaron could see how puffy your eyes were from crying.

"How was your day?" you asked quietly.

He sighed. "Don't worry about that right now. I want to apologize to you."

"Aaron, it's fine—"

"No, it's not," he denied. "It's not okay that I forgot our anniversary and left you here waiting for me all night. It's not okay that you went out of your way to make this special just for me to not show up." Tears began to well in your eyes again, and he tugged you towards him, cradling the back of your head as you buried your face in his neck to quiet your sobs. "I'm so sorry, baby."

He wished you would say something, even if it was to tell him how angry you were at him, but you weren't. You were crying because you were upset, and that was even worse.

"I know I don't deserve it, but talk to me. Please," he murmured.

You forced yourself to look at him, his hand coming up to wipe your tears away. "I'm sad," you said. "I get that your job is important, but I really thought I meant more to you."

Aaron closed his eyes as he processed your words, wrapping his arm around you tighter. "Sweetheart, you mean everything to me. I'm not trying to make excuses, but the last few weeks have been hectic, and it just slipped my mind."

Despite him saying he wasn't trying to make excuses, he was. You didn't want to think about this anymore and would rather go to sleep so you could pretend like this day never happened.

You didn't want to be mad at him over something that was already done and you couldn't change. It was already a miracle that he came home at all with how dangerous his job was; that's what you wanted to focus on and be grateful for.

"I know," you whispered. "Can we just go to bed, please?"

Even though fights between you happened rarely, he never liked going to bed with either of you upset. However, it wasn't his place to be asking for things from you right now, so he agreed.

You turned over to face away from him, but you let him keep his arm draped over your side.

After a few minutes, you managed to fall asleep, but Aaron laid awake all night.

The following morning, he tried not to disturb you when it was time for him to get up. Thankfully, you rested peacefully as he disappeared into the bathroom to shower. It wasn't till he was putting on the final touches of his outfit that your eyes blinked open.

Aaron smiled at you, and you returned the sentiment as you watched him adjust his tie. You frowned when his old watch peeked out from under the sleeve of his suit jacket, wondering why he wasn't wearing the one you got him.

"Wait, did you not see your gift on the table when you got home?" you asked, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

"Oh, I did," he nodded, "but I didn't think I deserved to have it."

The tone of his voice was self-loathing, and he looked at you curiously when you moved to get off the bed. "I'm gonna go get it. I want to see what it looks like on," you explained, and he stopped you.

His mouth opened and closed like he was going to say something, but he just smiled and kissed your forehead. "I'll get it. Stay here."

You brought him in for a kiss before letting him go, adjusting your pillows so you could sit comfortably. He returned a few moments later with the Rolex still in the box, turning the light on and handing it to you to do the honors.

When you bought it, you couldn't believe how nice it was, but as you placed it on his wrist, it was a thousand times better than what you remembered.

It fit him perfectly, the silver looking sharp against the black of his suit.

"What do you think?"

Aaron blinked at you a few times, at a loss for words. "Honey, I love it. I'm sorry I don't have anything for you yet, but it's... wow. Thank you."

"You're welcome," you grinned, the expression on his face better than any anniversary gift you could ever receive.

He stood between your legs and tilted your chin up, bringing you in for a kiss so sweet you almost melted right then and there. It was everything you both needed, a silent apology from him and a reminder that he loved you more than you could imagine, but it didn't hurt to say it out loud, too.

"I love you."

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x gn!reader #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner x y/n #aaron hotchner angst #hotch x reader #hotch x gn!reader #hotch x you #hotch x y/n #hotch angst #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #aaron hotchner fanfiction #hotch fanfiction #.writing

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fullmetalfears · 9 months

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Hoenheim is one of my favorite characters in the OG FMA manga and Brotherhood. He made me love the sad immortal that hates themself trope, and in general I find the combination of failed father figure, gentle kind person, and the violence he accidently did to his people make for a dynamic character.

But I do 100% think FMA made the other characters far too quick to forgive Hoenheim for leaving the boys.

In the manga, it was directly said that Hoenheim wrote back home but in the anime you get NOTHING. Either way, the man left for a decade, during the most important period of his children's lives as children... because he felt like a monster. Not because he was actually doing things to his kids, but HE wanted to live like a human.

It's shitty. It's awful. One of the people that Ed and Al were supposed to rely on most left because he couldn't get over his own misery. Instead of waiting even a few years to make sure they could even take care of themselves better before leaving, he left before they could even really remember him at all.

I say this not because I don't think it was a good character decision. In fact I think it's tragic in a way that the series needs. The lack of clear lines between monsters and people, where one of Hoenheim's worst decisions is leaving his wife and kids, something that any person can do.

Hoenheim's real flaw when it comes to his family is not valuing that people want him to be there.

Which makes his final offer to Ed to sacrifice himself take on a different light.

In canon, the manga/anime make it clear that Ed calling Hoenheim a shitty father was meant to be as much Ed chastising Hoenheim for not understanding they won't use philosopher stones as it is an acknowledge that Ed accepts him as his father.

But to me, it shows that Hoenheim still hasn't learned why leaving was such an awful blow to the family. Yes, Trisha died because he wasn't there but even if he came back ten years later, did he still expect it to be from a loving family? Did Hoenheim expect the world to stand still while he left?

Hoenheim is still sacrificing himself after all this damn time. He still doesn't see that being there for his kids could invaluable. Maybe they grew up without him, and hell, maybe he doesn't deserve a second chance after so long, but for the boys, making sure you live to the next day is their entire philosophy. And Hoenheim, is willing to give that next day up.

In context, he's giving himself up for his boys after all this time of putting his own feelings first, but he would still be gone. What's worse, in Ed's perspective it's an impossible choice. If Ed couldn't have thought of another way to get Al back, Hoenheim basically offered Ed a chance to kill him in exchange for his brother.

You know. Killing. The one thing that Ed will not fucking do.

Hoenheim doesn't understand Ed. He also even after all this time doesn't get that living for them and to move forward would be the best thing he could do.

So yeah. I adore Hoenheim but the manga/anime kinda does a clumsy job with him. It does such a good job of setting Hoenheim up as looming negative premise in the beginning and then the story overcorrects in trying to make you like him that it forgets that, yeah, leaving your wife and kids for a decade is kinda bad actually!!!

It doesn't help that no one else is angry at Hoenheim. Izumi knew the boys as small children, presumably orphans and yet greets Hoenheim warmly. In the manga the people of Risembol are baffled on his arrival but otherwise move on. Pinako WHO BASICALLY HELPED RAISED THEM is just sorta neutral towards him. Even Al isn't angry. He just wants his dad back which is fine, but it leaves Ed's anger as an outlier, like it's childish of him not to understand.

By the time of his death, Hoenheim doesn't really learn anything. He's forgiven because he really was a good dude and he felt really bad about leaving for a decade so he can totally be forgiven by everyone right?

Right.

So yeah. Hoenheim? Great character, but awful dad which is part of why he's a good character but the story really pulls its punches about him.

~Luna

#fma #fma manga #fma:b #Hoenheim #van hoenheim

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queenwhoneverwasx · 7 months

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Eve Best as Farah Dowling I Fate: The Winx Saga S1 - S2

I was meant to post this when the one anniversary of season 2 dropped but life happened. (Little bit of a rant coming just fyi)

So the show got cancelled (boo!) and well, this happened. I have to admit this one really hurt. Ugh. I knew this was a possibility since Eve was working on HOTD and schedules were tough especially since they were still protocols to follow. But the writing of it all just made it ten times worse.

At least we got to say goodbye to her in a way in the show, and I know that hug was not only for Bloom but for all of us in this corner of the fandom, the ones who flooded Bryan and Fate's insta accounts with the hashtag 'bringfarahback', I just know they did all of this to give us some sort of closure and while it wasn't what most of us (certainly not me lol) expected at least we got to hear her as Farah one more time.

While I did enjoyed some aspects of S2 (mostly Terra and the fact that we got to see Rob and Ken more on screen) and saw improvements from the first one, sometimes it did feel like a different show than what we first saw. I was left kinda disappointed with the way they handled some characters and their storylines. Sam? What was that?

And don't even get me started on Saul's lack of reaction towards Farah?! I won't ever understand it. And I'm not saying this because I am a shipper but the woman that you fought alongside for years, was friends with for decades died and gave us absolutely nothing? Not a single reaction? Ok. (I have a headcanon to explain this otherwise it just hurts my soul lol)

And hello? The fact that the season was meant to have one more episode and it was scrapped?

It's like they couldn't figure out if they wanted to go full on with this version of the show or go full cartoon version or a mix of both and the result of it is what we got. I really hope that the fans of the cartoon get what they want from a live action soon.

But hey, I got attached to this group of magic fairies (and their teachers lol) and I do miss them.

I could talk about this for hours, but I'm gonna stay with all the positive this show gave me, which is some pretty cool people I got to talk to and fangirl with and all those months we spent theorizing and talking about our favorite trio. When I say I love our corner of the fandom I really do mean it.

PS: I was sure that if the show kept going she would've of come back one way or another, maybe in a future season. But hey, she will be alive and well in all of our fics :)

credit for pics

#eve best #farah dowling #ftws #fate the winx saga #saul silva #yes i'm still bitter #and forever will be ok #farah deserved better #saul too #my headmasters deserved a fucking break #thanks bryan i guess #i will not get over this anytime soon sooooo #silrah #she's alive to us ok #i need this little fandom to keep thriving #farah dowling forever #lol someone stop me

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geeky-politics-46 · 2 years

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Giirrrlll I just had the FILTHIEST brain rot and I'm about to throw it in your inbox so you can write it :p (jk no pressure if you dont want to, you can just squeal about it with me)

Dr Strange has a crush on you. He is laying in bed one night and, wondering if he has any chance with you, he decides to look into alternate futures. He doesnt... quite know how, but he ends up watching you two make love on your wedding night in an alternate universe. He knows it's wrong, but he can't bring himself to stop. Even as he feels his hips thrusting up against nothing; mimicking his alternate self's rutting into your pussy... God and he cant stop moaning as he wishes so desperately those sweet words falling from your lips were meant for HIM. Even if it was him in a sense. He has it so much worse for you then he thought.

So Close, Yet So Far

Smut - Explicit content - NSFW - 18+ only!

Pairing: Doctor Stephen Strange x Reader

Summary: Facing another night alone thinking about you, Stephen decides to snoop in alternate relationships with you, only to find one that makes him want you even more.

Warnings: Smut (NSFW) - 18+ ONLY - male masturbation, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, pet names, language/swearing, creampie, porn with minimal plot

Holy god this ask did things to me. Whoever you are who suggested this, I love you. Also I know I use this gif a lot, but can you blame me?

He had been tossing and turning for hours. He couldn't tell if he had made the best decision of his life or the worst one ever by asking you to go to that party with him tonight. He couldn't stop thinking about you. He couldn't stop thinking about how you had looked in that dress. How you felt on his arm. The one dance he shared with you. The soft fabric of your dress and the curve of your hip under his fingertips. Of course he had to put his hand over the spot where the thin string of your panties sat. Even by his standards for insomnia and frustration this was absurd. He had been half hard since he first saw the peaks of your nipples through that silk.

He knew he had a crush on you, but it was getting ridiculous how much he wanted you. He had no idea if you liked him back that way. He had asked you to go with him tonight in the hopes that getting to pretend you were his for a night would satisfy his curiosity. It had only worked to make it ten times worse.

Now he was laying in his bed desperately trying to ignore the hard on he still had, and you were in your bed across the Sanctum with no idea. He wondered if you were awake and thinking about him too. Maybe you were thinking about what it would be like to be unbuttoning his shirt. To have him slide down the straps of your dress to let it pool around your waist, perky breasts exposed. Maybe you were thinking about what it would have been like to hike up your dress and crawl into his lap. To kiss him and grind your hips down against him.

Maybe you were wet and touching yourself thinking about him fucking you stupid. Your fingers sliding through your wet pussy lips. Gathering your arousal and stroking your clit pretending your fingers were his. Stretching your tight warm pussy thinking about his cock. Would you use two or three fingers to fuck yourself?

Oh why the hell did he just do that to himself?! Why did he let himself think about that? Now his cock was so hard it ached. Maybe if he knew you were meant to be just friends he could jerk off to you one last time then put the idea out of his mind. He knew what he was about to do would break pretty much every rule of the time stone and multiverse, but at this point there wasn't enough blood left in his brain to care.

So he let his brain start moving and sifting through different images. Different outcomes. Different universes. Some in which you were friends, some you didn't even know each other, and even a couple where you were enemies. Then one universe in particular caught his attention. He let the image encompass his consciousness. What he saw made his breath catch in his chest.

The two of you were in a large elegant room with an absurdly large fluffy bed. Rose petals were scattered on the floor and candles were lit all around the room. There was champagne and strawberries. It didn't take much to figure out exactly what was happening here. Especially with you in a gorgeous white gown and the matching rings the two of you wore as you slowly danced in the middle of the room. You were married. You were Mrs. Stephen Strange, and this was your wedding night.

He watched through his own eyes as you leaned in to kiss him. Your arms looping around his neck and your body pressing firmly against his. Your tongue danced across his lower lip and he eagerly opened his mouth to let you in. Deepening the kiss. He heard your soft sensual sigh as Stephen let his fingers trail up and down your spine. He could feel the blood rushing to his groin in that universe too.

He was hypnotized by the softness of your lips. He would only stay just another minute. Just to get this out of his system, then he would come back to his own body. He was vaguely aware that his hands had started rubbing at his cock over the blankets and sheets. Pretending it was your body pressing against him. The feeling of you there and not there at the same time.

You pulled your lips a couple inches away from his. He shuddered at the loss of contact in both universes. A smirk crossing your flushed kiss swollen lips at how worked up you had him. Of course you had no idea you had two of him worked up. You took his hands in yours & started leading him to the bed. Turning him so his back was to it before snaking your arms around his waist and kissing his neck and jawline.

"Seems like you're a little eager to get your new wife into bed Doctor Strange."

You voice was dripping with sex. You started removing his jacket and tie as you spoke. Moving to the top few buttons of his shirt after his top layers were gone. He couldn't help himself; he needed to tell you how much he wanted you. He's actually not sure which of him answered, or if they both did.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to get you into bed, Mrs. Strange. Get you out of this dress. God you get me so hard when you are all dressed up."

You pushed him down by his shoulders. Sitting him down on the edge of the bed and bringing yourself to stand between his legs. He let his hands move to your hips, just where he had held you earlier that night. He felt the same tiny string of your panties under his fingertips. The feeling making him moan loudly as he lay alone in his bed. A breathy "fuck" escaping his lips.

"Well why don't you finish getting undressed while I change into something a little more see through. I had to get a little surprise for my new husband on our wedding night."

All he could do was nod. He let you free from his arms and watched you sashay toward the large bathroom. He should stop. He should leave this universe. It would be wrong to watch this. It would be like he was using you. Even if this was really happening in an alternate universe, it wasn't his universe. In his universe he was alone palming his own leaking cock being a voyeur.

He was about to separate his mind and leave his other self to enjoy what he could only dream of. He was really just about to stop, but then you came out of the bathroom and any honorable thought was forgotten. He had never moved faster to get his clothes off.

You were wearing a short white flowy babydoll nightie, the bottom completely sheer. The cups on the baby doll were non-existent, with a satin bow tied across your chest hiding your nipples. The panties you wore underneath had matching bows tied at each side. You were literally a present waiting for him to unwrap. Somehow you managed to look both angelic and pornographic at the same time.

You walked over to him as he sat there naked, eyeing him up and down licking your lips as he couldn't help but start stroking himself. His actions in his reality mimicked those of his newlywed self. His long thick cock standing proud. He didn't think he had ever been this hard before. The feeling of his hand finally wrapping tightly around his shaft making his cock head start to leak more in relief.

Once you had walked back over to him and to the bed you let your hands run through his hair. In particular you ran your hands through the gray streaks at his temples. He smiled as he kept stroking himself. He knew even in his reality that you had a soft spot for his gray streaks. One of his favorite things to do was tease you by joking that he was going to dye them, you would always tell him you would kill him if he did. Feeling your fingers finally run through them made his entire body tingle.

You trailed your hands down his bare chest and pulled his hand free from his cock. Pulling it up to your mouth to lick off the pre-cum that had dripped onto his fingers. Moaning at his taste on your tongue. His own cock dripping even more over his fist at the thought of your lips covered in him. You placed his hand at the center of your ribcage, just underneath the tails of the satin bow concealing your plush breasts. He let his index finger tease at the underside of one breast, the exposed flesh warm under his touch.

"What do you want to unwrap first Stephen? Top or bottom?"

Instead of untying anything he pulled you forward to lay you on the bed and rolled so you were underneath him. His eyes boring into your form, trying to memorize every mark and curve. Pressing his hand into your pubic mound and dragging it all the way up your body to your throat. Bringing his lips down to devour yours. His kiss frenzied with passion making you moan against his lips.

"So sexy sweetheart, I should warn you I'm not feeling very patient tonight. I want you so badly."

Your back started to arch when he started kissing and nipping down your neck. Stopping to suck a dark bruise on your clavicle. A deep rumble in his chest as he felt your soft small hand wrap around his cock. His hips starting to rut into your fist.

"Baby I'm not gonna last long right now. I need to be inside you. Need to fuck my little wife."

You smiled up at him sweetly, your eyes full of love for him. Just that look eliciting a needy groan from him back in his reality. He rolled over in his empty bed and positioned a couple pillows so he could pretend you were really laying underneath him. Whispering into one of them how bad he needed to be inside you. Completely gone in the visions of his alternate self starting to untie your lingerie. His hips fighting the urge to thrust against the pillows. He wanted to hold himself back until he was fucking you in the other reality. He wanted to pretend any friction he got was your sweet pussy.

He watched as his scarred fingers untied the bow over your breasts. Your nipples were perfect and already peaked for him. His fingers toying with one as he licked at the other. Sucking on it and swirling his tongue on it before repeating his actions with your other nipple. He knew your breasts would be perfect. He had spent a good chunk of the evening thinking about doing this exact thing. He lightly bit one of them making you groan out his name and he had to fight the urge to cum right there.

He moved on to your panties before long, he was just too excited to actually have his hands on you. Well, he didn't have his hands on you exactly, but one of him did.

Pulling slowly at the bow on one hip, letting the satin slip against itself in an easy effortless way. Making sure not to disturb the position your panties were in before moving to the other side and repeating the same quick motion. The fabric now lay just draped across your sex. Even the slightest movement would leave you bare and exposed to him.

Before he moved the fabric he took a single finger and stroked your slit over your panties. Feeling your arousal for him. Smiling in satisfaction at the dampness he felt there.

"You feel awfully wet, Mrs. Strange. Is this all for your new husband? Is this all for me?"

"All for you Stephen. My incredibly sexy husband who I want to fuck me all night long."

You cradled his face in your hand. Bringing his lips down to yours for a passionate kiss before he pulled away to watch as he pulled the fabric of your untied panties away. He swore your body was more perfect with every inch he saw. There was so much he wanted to do to you, but he knew he was running on borrowed time before he would be forced out of this reality and back to his own.

He got up on his knees and positioned himself between your legs. Staring down at your most intimate parts being offered up to him. He let himself stroke your glistening pussy long enough to gather enough of your wetness to slick himself up. Lowering himself to his forearms to slide his hard shaft through your wet lips. Both of you groaning in pleasure at the feel of each other.

Back in his bed he let his own hips start thrusting forward just enough to tease himself. His eyes squeezed shut as he pictured you below him. Picturing your eyes begging him to slide inside you. As he angled his cock to actually slip inside your dripping heat a confession of love spilling from his lips in both universes. His hips pressing forward to push him past your entrance to stretch and fill you perfectly.

You felt like heaven wrapped around his cock. He felt both rapture and torture as his real self fucked into the pillow below him that he so wished was you. He could just almost feel you. Your cunt trying to hold him inside you as his hips undulated pushing him in and out of you. He knew he looked truly desperate. Moaning, swearing, & sweating laying in his empty bed humping a pillow. In his mind though, he was in a universe where he was buried inside you. Making love to his new wife. Pulling the most incredible moans and sounds from you.

Every time his name slipped past your lips he fucked you just a little bit harder. Trying desperately to imprint the feeling of you in his mind. He couldn't help from crying out your name. He knew he should try to be quieter, that you might hear & know exactly what he was doing. He didn't care though. He needed to cum, & he needed to make you cum. He felt like his life, his sanity, depended on making you cum on his cock.

He started grinding his hips more than thrusting them. Trying to get as much friction against your clit as he could. You pulled your legs up to wrap around his waist letting him get even deeper inside you. His forehead was pressed to yours as he swallowed your whimpers with his kissses. Starting to move faster and faster as your voice got higher.

His face was smashed into one pillow. Clinging to it tight against his chest with one arm. His other hand was gripping his cock tight as hips frantically slammed into another pillow. The pre-cum dribbling from his tip soaking both the pillow and his hand. The slap of his balls against his hand creating a wet sound he pretended was coming from your pussy.

"Oh god Stephen, yes! I'm so close, baby. Don't stop fucking me, don't stop."

He loved hearing you say his name like this. He loved hearing you saying all of these things. He wanted to lavish you in filthy praise. Your cunt was starting to spasm around him and he could tell just how close to cumming you were. You felt so good and he was about ready to beg you to cum.

"Cum for me sweetheart. Cum on my cock. Fucking soak me baby."

You threw your head back and wailed his name. He could tell your toes were curling by the way all the muscles of your lower body contracted. Your cunt was squeezing his aching cock so tight he was amazed he could even move. The only thing letting him keep thrusting in and out was the arousal that drenched you both.

The headboard of his bed was now banging against the wall from the force of his hips. He was trying to squeeze his hand around his cock in time with the way your pussy was fluttering. Even though he knew it felt nowhere near as good as you would, it felt good enough that only a couple more thrusts had him emptying himself onto the sheets. Rope after rope of warm thick cum drenching the pillow and the sheets below him. He came more than he ever had in his life. Immediately jealous of himself. Of the version of himself that got to cum in your perfect pussy.

His orgasm disrupted his thinking and concentration enough to pull him free of the alternate universe. His entire consciousness slammed back into his body. The cold of the room hitting his sweaty skin and the emptiness of the bed around him only making him colder. He rolled off and away from the soiled pillow covered in a puddle of his cum, but he pulled the pillow that he held in his arms with him. He kept holding that pillow close, thinking about how it would feel to hold you in post-coital bliss. How it would be to fall asleep with you and wake up next to you.

Then he realized he had to pretend that he had never seen what he did. How was he going to face you now? Now that he had seen you, heard you, & felt you all around him. Moaning for him. He wouldn't be able to look at you without thinking about you asking him to fuck you. Without seeing you wearing his ring.

He wanted you so much more now. Now that he had a taste of what being with you was like he knew he wouldn't be able to live without getting more. He had to tell you he liked you. He could only hope that his version of you would return his feelings.

--------------------------------

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Stephen Strange Taglist: @starkiller-queen @glitterylokislut @verycollectivecreator @chatampr @maskmare931 @lovecleastrange @wheredafandomat @mkixx @evelynrosestuff @katefullerrr @littlepinknightmare @foofarny @stygianoir @moonroyalt @saturnsbabe69 @blaxdet @blackrose-92 @ironstrange1991 @rindulacre @nancy-thompsons @wolfatheartandsoul @dangerouslittlefairy @n0obmaster-69 @oliveoilthoughts @onebatch--twobatch @yourmajesty13 @blondekel77 @lil-sweater-slut @gwephen @taramaria @sinceimetyou @possessedjoker @coeurgrenaty @cc13723things @just--a-magpie @supervengerslock @strangelockd @dont-feel-so-good-peter @kingsmanperfecthartwin @ghost-lantern @thefalconandthewinterwidowshield @itssmaugtheterrible @katherinemaximoff @veryfancydoilies @cute-angi @mochacake2016 @prix19 @alexfanficnook @anotheroddfish @mando-is-the-way @xourownsidee @baes-x @dreamingsmile @negar77rd @imaginesfreetotake @rougepetale @tis-vereon @divinearchangel @sherlux @hiddlechive @lucimorningst4r @the-royal-petals @ginnykate @thatesqcrush @friendofplenti @yuugenmomo @holdmyowos @lokislov3 @captaincarmel164 @folklore-mcu @mydearestalmira

Let me know if you want to be tagged in stories for everything or for a specific charector. It's currently a lot of Strange & his variants ❤

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thishazbinamistake · 4 months

Text

*Mild spoilers*

I watched the first episode, so here are my kind of disjointed thoughts if anyone is interested in hearing them:

So first off, I thought it was okay visually. I tried to ignore the weird animation errors, like how in one scene I noticed Charlie has five fingers on one of her hands instead of her usual four, and that they never fixed that one scene where Vaggie just... disappears in the background (you know the one), because I try not to be too harsh the animators for these sorts of things. But it definitely felt amateurish in places. Other than that, Viv definitely wasn't lying when she said it looked "fine". I've seen worse, for sure.

The voice acting ranges from pretty good to honestly terrible. Stephanie sounded like she could not give less of a shit about being there, and had some weird annunciation, making her kind of hard to understand in places. I was optimistic about Keith, and he sounded great, but honestly did not fit the character of Husk very well. Charlie was actually quite good, she has a great singing voice and overall I thought Erika did a good job for her. Alastor was decent, Amir definitely did a better job than I was expecting, considering how iconic Edward's performance was in the pilot. Niffty didn't talk nearly enough in the first episode for me to even form an opinion on her voice acting, but she's fine, I guess? Katie is literally just Brandon Rogers doing his Brandon Rogers voice.

Blake was super annoying, and he did not make Angel's constant sex jokes endearing or funny in the slightest. For the record, I didn't even like pilot Angel in the first place, but now, compared to this, I'm honestly starting to miss him. And I'm not even going to touch that "this body was made to be exploited" line with a ten foot pole.

Adam, though... God, he was easily the worst part of this first episode. His surfer-dude voice was annoying as shit, and his lines were so cringeworthy. He is not an entertaining or engaging villain in the slightest. Literally, every time he was on screen I was just waiting desperately for the scene to change.

In the first episode, we hardly get any glimpse into the personalities of honestly most of the characters besides Adam and maybe Angel, which is unfortunate because they're the two most annoying characters.

With Lucifer and Lilith's backstory, in typical Vivzie fashion, Lucifer is the sad uwu boy while Lilith is treated as being the one responsible for everything. Not really surprising.

As for the writing, it's 30% boring exposition, and 70% unfunny sex jokes. Literally most of Adam's dialogue is sex related. I hate him so much it's unreal.

And the songs... they sounded fine, but they don't feel like something you would want to casually listen to on their own. They just feel like they're meant to be transitions from one scene to the next and nothing more.

For as little as we saw her, I think my favorite part of the first episode was Niffty. She's honestly a super cute and fun character, and the scenes with her were the few times I actually cracked a smile. She's such a little freak and I love her. Everyone else was either boring or made me want to shove a screwdriver in my ears.

Finally, one of the most glaring issues to me (aside from Adam) is that the show didn't really give much of a setup for what was happening. We got a little exposition about Lucifer and Lilith and the fall of man and all that, but aside from Charlie, we aren't reintroduced to any of the characters from the pilot. This feels like a really dumb move because it's alienating to new viewers. If you were someone with no knowledge of the pilot scrolling through Amazon Prime looking for a new show to watch, and Hazbin caught your eye, you'd probably get confused about who all these characters are and what it is they're actually doing, so you'd probably just click off and look for something different. It's obvious the writers just assumed that everyone watching had already seen the pilot, I guess because they think only longtime fans would be interested in the show, which is honestly really sad. You'd think they'd want to try and grow their audience more, but it just feels like they only want to pander to the people who are already fans, which feels like a bad desicion from both a storytelling standpoint as well as a business one. A show, especially one that migrated from an internet pilot to a full series on a paid streaming platform, should be able to stand on its own two legs without needing the pilot to do all the explaining. Especially considering the designs and voice actors changing between the pilot and the series. I didn't expect them to completely remake the pilot, but they could have at least done a better job establishing the characters.

All in all, episode one was at best a 5/10. Like I said, I've seen far worse but this just felt like a bad note to start this all off on. For newcomers, it's confusing and downright unappealing, and for longtime fans it's just disappointing. I can really only see diehard Vivzie fans getting a ton of enjoyment out of it.

Still need to watch episode two, maybe things will improve from there.

#hazbin hotel critical #hazbin hotel spoilers #long post

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immajustvibehere · 2 years

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i dunno if someone already suggested this but!!!

❛ i could do with a warm body next to me.❜

(female reader if is possible please!!)

A One Time Thing

Pairing: Arthur Morgan x fem!Reader

oneshot: fluff, tiny bit suggestive

summary: Your new horse throws you off, right into a damn river. Luckily, Arthur is by your side to warm you up.

2100 words, 11 minutes reading time

Maybe it wasn't the best idea to take your new horse to an excursion with Arthur. You have had a bad feeling about it, that's for sure, but you hadn't expected it to go this badly. It was difficult keeping up with Arthur, almost impossible to convince your horse into a consistent pace. Every rustling of leaves, or snake in eye shot scared the shit out of it. You have had three close calls of being thrown off in merely an hour. Your patience was running thin and you swore that you'd dismount any minute. If it wasn't for Arthur.

He was having a splendid time, watching you struggle. He teased the shit out of you. "Thought ya could ride?" "Have ya grown incompetent over night?" "I could ride better than that when I was Jack's age!" You'd heard a couple of very creative insults since you left the camp. The first few times you shot back, later you only gave him a bitter smile everytime he made a comment. Nevertheless, when you had long lost your patience, Arthur was still very calm about the riding situation. He'd wait patiently for you to catch up if you fell behind or speed up without any complaint if your horse was out of control and darted ahead. When you couldn't stir it into the right direction, Arthur would help by shooing it or blocking the way with his own horse. The teasings stopped eventually and he'd only ask you if you were okay when it reared up and you had to hold on with your dear life.

For the last ten minutes, everything was going fine. If you continued to travel with this speed, you'd be in Valentine shortly after sunset. It was quiet, only the Dakota River gurgled. You were about to cross it. Maybe you had let your guard down too much, you blinked and the next thing you realized was that you were flying through the air. With a splash that had Arthur pull his horse to an immediate stop, you found yourself plunged in the river. As you sat up you didn't know if you should be grateful that the water was deep enough to brake your fall without having your head split open on a stone or if you should curse it for the same reason, seeing that you were soaked from head to toe.

The first thing you saw after you helplessly scrambled to your feet was your horse, suspiciosuly calm as if it were sorry, standing next to Arthur's mare. Arthur remained seated on his horse, a wide, silly smile on his face. As you locked eyes, you were close to tears of frustration, just as much as Arthur was close to breaking out into laughter.

"Come on, y/n. Could have been worse. Could have been pierced on a stick or yer brain all splattered on a rock", Arthur tried to cheer you up.

"I guess", you sighed, climbing onto your horse once again. As you swunng your leg around the horse's back, water ran out of your pants like you had turned into a waterfall. The wet clothes stuck to your skin and you already started shivering. Summer meant nothing so close to the Grizzlies. The wind which you had barely felt before made every hair on your body stand up.

"We'll set up a camp nearby, get ya warmed up at the fire", Arthur suggested. He led the way, out of the river and off the track until he had found a nice spot for a camp. You were glad he hurried, because your teeths had started clattering and you lost the feeling in your toes, which were swimming in your soaked boots.

"This'll do", Arthur dismounted and quickly took a blanket off his horse, "get out of those clothes before ya turn all blue." You mumbled a thanks that was drowned by the clatter of your teeth. You hid behind a bush, struggling to get out of the clothes while violently shivering. The few seconds you stood stark naked in nature, before you wrapped the blanket tightly around you, didn't help either. You returned with the pile of wet clothes in one, and your boots in the other hand at the fire, somehow still managing to keep the blanket around you. You would have murdered for a hot bath.

The fire was still small, though Arthur was showing his skill in getting a decent campfire started. When flames grew bigger you felt the warmth on your frozen limbs. "I don't know if I ever want to sit on this horse again", you mumbled. Your teeths were still restless and your body still shaking. Arthur squated next to the fire, putting on a kettle with coffee. "It seemed sorry to've thrown ya off", he smiled, looking at you shortly before he decided you were not even closely enough dressed to make it appropriate to look. As you settled down Arthur went to get another blanket from your horse. You had decided to not go near it for now.

"Yeah, well...should've thought about it sooner. Why did it rear up anyway?", you asked, receiving the second blanket.

"Not sure. Maybe there was a wolf or bear nearby."

You grunted as answer. One blanket was wrapped around your lower body, it only reached to your ankles though. Your feet were still cold, despite having them as close to the fire as you dared. The sencond blanket was wrapped around your shoulders, your hands somewhere hidden underneath, gripping ends of the blanket to prevent if from slipping of. Your hair was still wet and clung to your forehead and neck. It was brutal with the wind. Arthur couldn't stand sitting down at the fire, because this meant looking at you - and he just couldn't do that. He wasn't sure what it was, but knowing there was nothing underneath the blankets but your bare body made him seek distraction quickly and urgently.

"Yer real unlucky...", Arthur said as he took the canvas from his horse. You knew exactly what he meant. Before you left camp, you both had decided to travel lightly, no spare clothes, no winter coats, nothing but your bedrolls, the blankets and a thin canvas that could serve as a tent in an emergency, you hadn't thought you'd have to use it.

"Oh, trust me: I know", you answered. There was a smile on your face that Arthur couldn't see, since his back was towards you as he set up the tent. You were cold and had a rough day on horseback, that was for sure. All your clothes were wet and you'd have to spend the night naked, wrapped in blankets. But you were also spending time with your all time favourite man...your best friend, so to say. You had known Arthur for years and you had grown comfortable around each other. If you could avoid it, you would never tell him that you have had a crush on him for the longest of times. You had never said and would never say something because you knew it was more complicated than that. You knew about Mary and that she had started to contact Arthur again and...yeah. A sigh escaped your lips as your thoughts ran wild.

Still, there was this little spark of hope that maybe, just maybe...

"Y/n", Arthur called you so you'd notice the hot cup of coffee he's dangling in front of your face.

"Sorry - thanks Arthur", you took it, almost burning your hand. You brushed Arthur's hand very briefly. It's not like this was unusual, not like you had never shaken hands before or tended to each other wounds if necessary. He probably didn't know that you held those memories dear, probably remembering every little affectionate attention he'd ever shown you. "Well, you got some nice warm hands, Mister", you wailed pitifully, looking up to Arthur.

He scoffed: "I didn't decide to go swimmin' in a freezing river." You smiled gently, the way he looked at you had you melting. Of course he was teasing again, but his gaze was gentle and caring. He didn't like seeing you shivering, you could tell.

"Would you...", you blushed at the thing you were about to ask for, "put your hand on my back." You saw Arthur's face freeze. It was as if he had stopped working for a few seconds, before he awkwardly looked around as if there was anyone close. "What?", he sheepishly asked. "Your hand. On my back", you repeated, finding pleasure in seeing Arthur so helpless, "I got it turned away from the fire. It's not warming up." "Well then turn around so it is towards the fire!?", Arthur wildly suggesting, too shy to simply comply. "'Course, but then the other side of my body is turned away from the fire. I mean - if you want to hold and warm that with your hand instead, be my guest!", you grinned cheekily.

Arthur took his place next to you, mumbling something under his breath which sounded like "god damn" and "tease". You maybe dropped the blanket from your shoulders a bit more than necessary, definitely more than Arthur would be able to cover with one hand, and the cold air sent a violent shiver through your whole body. This was instantly rewarded with a warm hand on your skin though. Your sigh of relief made Arthur stiffen up next to you, but you sipped your coffee in peace, finding comfort in his body warmth.

You sat for a while in silence before you exchanged some thoughts about the journey. With every opportunity, you shuffled a bit closer. You loved Arthur's smell and warmth that radiated from his body. This was your opportunity to get a closer to him. It was already rare to get him alone and away from camp; but this evening was different.

"Thank you", you mumbled after a while. Your head and arms rested on your knees, as your eyes were getting heavier and the night darker.

"For what?"

"The hand."

"Sure", Arthur cleared his throat. At first, his hand had remained still, but after a while Arthur had started to move it. His thumb was never restless but always caressing your skind gently. Also, the hand had wandered. It had started on your shoulder, then had traveled to the back of your neck, slowly sliding down ever so slightly. Now it was resting on your lower shoulder blade, his body warmth seeping through your skin.

Arthur sighed: "Sorry I can't do more. We should get some rest." Arthur looked at you from the side. You didn't want this to end.

"I could really do with a warm body next to me", you whispered.

Despite the red orange flames, you saw Arthur blush: "You mean-? Yer sure?" You nodded slightly. You weren't even sure if Arthur interpreted it the way you intended to, but when you both got up and crawled into the tent and he started getting out of his jacket and unbuttening his shirt, you knew you had an understanding. "Ya better share one of the blankets with me then", Arthur said in a hushed voice. His shirt was fully unbuttoned his jacket was rolled up and would serve you both as a pillow. You threw caution to the wind, unwrapped one blanket and threw it to Arthur, then lied down onto your bedroll. Instinctively, you turned your back to Arthur, lifting the blanket slightly. You knew he could see your exposed back, you knew he could probably see further down too; but you cared for nothing but his warmth.

He pulled you closer until his warm chest touched your back, an arm wrapped around you. You knew your back was freezing and you heard - no, felt, Arthur's sucked in breath when his torso touched yours. "'m sorry", you hummed, "I'll make it up to you."

You were exhausted. The constant shivering had worn you down and you knew you'd be off to sleep soon enough.

"Ya better. This is a one time thing, ya hear me?", Arthur mumbled in a gentle voice. Arthur held you close. His hand found yours, holding it, warming it. You sneaked your feet in between his legs, sighing happily. Arthur was so close to you, you felt his beard tickle your shoulder and neck. You couldn't possibly tell, the feeling hadn't returned to your back enough, but you wondered if the softness you felt in the crook of your neck were Arthur's lips. You certainly felt his hot breath at about the same spot.

Both of you knew very well this was anything but a one time thing.

-----x

needed this to hopefully recover from my writing block lol

#arthur morgan x reader #arthur morgan #arthur morgan fanfiction #red dead redemption community #rdr2 #arthur morgan x female reader #rdr #rdr fanfiction #rdr2 fanfiction #red dead redemption 2

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v3nusxsky · 1 year

Note

Hi i know this is rlly random but i just thoight of it while trying to read cursive. A platonic reader x lesso where reader cant read cursive and since lesso weites in cursive never does the work which leads to a confession and not sure how to finish it x

Incomplete

*Authors note~ I love this idea so much it's gonna be a Drabble because I also don't know what else I could add to it*

Trigger warnings~ dyslexic reader

Prompt~ see ask^^^^

School work was always something you struggled with. Reading was tricky when the words seemed to just blur together so adding in the extra fancy loops and swirls just made it ten times worse. You were embarrassed about how much you struggled, that's why you never told anyone. To afraid of being laughed at and made to feel stupid. You aren't stupid. In fact you were rather bright, especially when it was something spoken. Languages you seemed to excel at the oral portion of it. But literature? Never.

Unfortunately for you, Leonora Less, the teacher for curses and death traps, loved to write in cursive. It came naturally and truly it was magnificent penmanship just like everything else she did. Normally you'd be able to appreciate that, but not when you were drowning in work for her class because you hadn't been able to take notes effectively which meant you were missing chunks. Apparently quite important chunks of information that you needed for the work.

Maybe that's why you weren't confused to be kept behind in your lesson. She wanted to know why you hadn't bothered to do her work and she wasn't going to rest till she knew why. The moment tears started to brim in your eyes she knew this was more than laziness or blatant disobedience. You weren't stupid and she knew that, your verbal answers were always the best of the class. So why wouldn't you do the work? Suddenly it dawned on her.

You were expecting to be shouted at or dragged off to the doom room. After all you'd heard the stories so it was safe to say your confession was evident as you watched her walk to the blackboard. She wrote a sentence in her usual penmanship and asked you to read it out loud. The moment you visibly paled she knew she was on the right track. You did the best to contain your feelings and took a guess based of the lengths of the words and the sentence. You watched as she nodded and flipped the board over making sure to write the words even spaced and simply. No loops or fancy lines. She once again asked you to read it out loud which you did with ease. The gaps helping your brain register each letter one by one.

Leonora watched as you carefully sounded out the sentence, the concentration on your face and the slight fear of being wrong told her everything she needed to know. "Sweetheart? You can't read the first one can you?" She asked gently, not wanting to upset you but wanting to find the best way possible to help you. All you could do is break down and cry, you're secret was out now she would think your stupid.

"Oh little one, why didn't you tell me? I could've made more of an effort to help either changing the way I write or getting a separate sheet just for you." Her suggestions only made you cry more throwing yourself into her arms. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm not dumb, I just I'm sorry god I can't even draw straight lines with rulers maybe I am stupid" you mumbled into her shoulder the hot tears soaking the clothing there.

"You darling, are not dumb your the brightest in your class, you just need some extra support and I'm willing to give it to you. All you have to do is work hard and be the best you can be. Can you do that ?" You nodded at her words. You could do that.

With new measures in place to help you you were now successful in every class you took, lesso keeping your secret between just you and her.

Word count~ 708

#fanfic #anon answered #lady lesso #leonora lesso #sfgae #lady lesso x reader #lesso x reader #lady leonora lesso #leonora lesso x reader #lady lesso x you #dean of evil #anon requests

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dameronology · 2 years

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Omg! Steve Harrington with Taylor Swift prompt 4 please?? 😭

steve harrington + "you know damn well i would ruin myself for you a million little times"

(but i had to make it a little fluffier because i just rewatched vol 2 and quite frankly my heart cannot take angst right now)- p.s apologies for the lack of capital letters, i still haven't fixed my caps lock key <3

tw: mentions of injury

steve harrington's bedroom had become your haven amongst all the chaos.

with high ceilings and big windows, it was bright and airy. his sheets were soft and smelt like him and his mattress felt like it cost a million dollars. it was all a testament to how rich his parents were but for the sake of your own comfort, you were willing to disregard any personal feelings you had towards the matter for the sake of how fucking comfy you felt right now. it had just gone 8am and steve was passed out beside you, dead to the world for the first time in months.

the last few days felt like a pipe-dream; the upside down, max, eddie, everything. your life had become a game of dungeons & dragons, but every coming second had been a bad roll. there had been moments where you weren't even sure you would make it out the other side - even less so for steve. steve harrington, who always had to be the fucking hero. steve harrington, who threw himself in front of any sign of danger to protect you. you'd made it out the other side with a fair amount of cuts and bruises but nothing amounted to the ones littering the man you loved. he had both arms wrapped tightly around you, holding you to his chest and plagued with the fear that you might slip away. that he might wake up and find that you had died in the upside down, and that all of this was just a weary dream.

you loosely ran a finger over his bicep, wincing to yourself as you followed the ridges and lines of his fresh cuts. you could recall every single one and the thing that had caused them - nine out of ten times, it had been steve protecting you. even though you insisted that you didn't need it and even less that you didn't want it, he hadn't held back. it was wired into his instincts to defend you.

"admiring my wounds?"

you glanced up at steve, a small smile forming on your lips as his eyes flickered open. "yeah, something like that."

steve gently rolled to the slide, pulling his arm from beneath you to prop himself up. his free hand came to push a few strands of hair back from your face, settling on your jaw and pressing a soft kiss to your lips. his own hair was a mess, strands of brown and auburn sticking up in a million different directions.

"they'll heal," he said gently, forehead lingering on yours for a second. "you don't need to worry."

"who said i was worrying?"

"your face," he teased.

"i just don't like that you got most of them protecting me, steve-"

"- that wasn't your decision," he cut you off. "it was mine and i don't regret it for a single second, because you're here in bed, glaring at me. i wouldn't have it any other way."

"but-"

"- no buts, 'kay?," steve placed his index finger on your lips. "can't live your life according to buts and maybes and the hypotheticals. fact is that we're both here, maybe a little worse for wear, and maybe you're gonna be pissed at me for a while, but it'll pass. i'll heal."

"what if you regret it in a few years when all this scars?"

"scars only make people hotter," he reasoned. "i have no regrets. i would ruin myself a for you a million times, even if it meant i ended up looking like vecna. y'know, assuming you wouldn't leave me if i got ugly all of a sudden."

"i would never," you pressed a kiss to his jaw. "your personality is why i fell in love with you."

"that's a lie," steve shotback. "i thought it was my hair."

#asks #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington imagines #steve harrington reader insert #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington #stranger things x reader #stranger things imagine #stranger things imagines #stranger things reader insert #stranger things

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msfbgraves · 9 months

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Is it me or is the enshittification machine working very fast these days? You used to get years out of a service before they fucked it up too much to be of use to anyone but the shareholders. Now, they barely can build alternative services fast enough before big money comes in and renders any service or product functionally unusable. I'm feeling myself move further and further away from mainstream anything purely because I'm a snob that likes things to be, well, not utter crap. And increasingly, that means you have to make and own everything yourself again, or at least be part of the avant garde of whatever interests you, before the mainstream invariably fucks it up. I had not the slighest interest in learning how to program a computer but I'll have to know, now, to get all the crapware off my pc. I pirate because my smart tv will no longer update. I lament my non existent fine motor skills more and more each day because I cannot fix terribly made clothes. I ditch subscriptions because they only get more expensive and worse over time. I pay for upgrades on public transport because the economy version has become functionally unusable with my level of disability - and I have not declined as hard as their level of service.

I went to an amusement park I've been to since I was a toddler and got sensory overload, not because any of the rides - they were virtually unchanged - because on every corner, some stall was blaring at me to buy an overpriced trinket. Again, the things in there built to provide you with amusement had not increased. There were no more places to catch your breath.

I mean, I am "voting with my feet", I already am refusing to pay for bad quality but there are no socially approved alternatives.

And sure, that leads to some original experiences. But most of the time it has meant going backwards, using older things that were made to last, or simply refusing to opt in to new technology and I feel that this is the best way of going completely out of touch. The only thing that consoles me about that is that people who work in cybersecurity are completely offline in their own homes. So here I am using pirating and paywall hacks and cooking from scratch and making my own bath oil and taking my nieces to the beach without music because I can't stand the noise and thrift shopping and reviving ten year old machines and finding trials for Spotify to get out of the frickin price hikes and paying for organic food because that is the only way to get some actual nutrition out of supermarket food and somehow failing to see this all as progress.

And now we even have to keep the Republicans out of Ao3. All the while knowing I fed that AI beast.

I'm not even outraged, just annoyed. It's so much effort that somehow wasn't in 2012. I can't think of a single thing that we have now and didn't have then that I couldn't do without gladly - except some music and movies, and using your creditcard to get into the bus.

#late stage capitalism

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walkeddeath · 8 months

Text

A RAMBLING META :: THE FIRST DEATH

tw for : death, manipulation, injury, slight unreality

[ note : this is written in second person. it is very vague on some things however if i need to tag anything let me know. ]

you remember things in fragments, splintered and fractured like a punched mirror, flickering like a ghost through your memory. there was the spark of the idea, the plan to flee which you'd been perfecting for years. where you were going to go was always an unknown, it never mattered much, all that did matter was that it was not there. it was somewhere far away from the graveyard town that never really felt like home and that was all that you cared about. you would've run for miles barefoot if it meant finally getting away.

it almost happened, you do remember the feeling of sticks and stones digging into bare souls and how you kept going despite it. the story doesn't have a true beginning, somewhere along the way it all started meshing together, but once you remember the trigger being pulled, the go start of the race to living, it starts flooding back.

nothing had gone right and you should have known early on that something wasn't right. there were tinges of red but the rose colored glasses you had on made it all blur, or maybe you just ignored the red because red means stop and you've never once stopped in your entire life. always going always moving always rushing.

there were holes that needed to be filled and sealed air tight but there wasn't enough time for that. or maybe there was, you don't remember, it's one of those unsteady unsure flashes of a moment that always comes and goes. the regret pushes it away, the guilt you have for yourself eats at it like a moth, it's a self protecting prophecy almost.

the things that went wrong are as follows and you have them written down in a journal somewhere, you just can't remember where you stuffed it:

there was never any trial run, never a practice or mapping out of the path, no pact like promise made, there was no thought given to money or destination, you didn't know your running partner's last name, it only took two weeks to plan, the actual promises made sounded like poetry but never had weight, when you were trying to pack you kept forgetting things that you never would have and you blamed it on nerves, there was a voice that kept pushing you to keep going and it was one that didn't sound nice, your shoes kept going missing as if something was trying to keep you from going but you'd find them in the exact place you'd just looked, it felt like you were in a dream that had the bones of a nightmare .... the list goes on.

you forget all of that, but you remember the things that did go right, and you realize at some point later on it's by design. it's not time to realize the reality, that comes later. what did go right was that your mother wasn't home that night, you remembered where she kept extra money, that the roads were clear and your flashlight had fresh batteries in it.

you met with your running partner earlier in the day and went over the half baked half figured plan at least ten times and it had sounded solid enough to go off of. even if it hadn't been, you were ready to go. it was time to go, things were getting worse, you couldn't wait it couldn't wait you never really did know how to deal with the waiting.

impulse still drives you and it's one of your fatal flaws, always has in every life. the last thing to go right was nobody realized that you were looking at the door and the window the entire day, tapping your foot, ready to bolt at the bell.

at ten fifteen you left, leaving the door unlocked, maybe even left it open you can't remember, and everything around you was green. the trees hadn't started losing their leaves yet. the grass on every single lawn was the same shade of green, picture perfect, almost too fucking green and you'd turned green and felt sick over the smell of it being freshly cut. it didn't stop you, maybe it should have, you just kept going and pushed through the clawing need to spill all the fear and anxiety building up.

the bracelet you'd found the summer prior near the woods calling to you had started tarnishing, your skin green underneath the links, a constant go signal right near the palm of your hand. the mood ring you never took off had started doing the same. it had been a sign, you thought, to just fucking go.

the path into the woods hadn't been green, there were red berries on bushes that you missed, branches that caught your hair and your shirt and scratched against your arms. there was red that you couldn't see in the dark, there was red everywhere but those glasses couldn't be shaken off. color theory flipped places and the green cancelled out the red. you've come up with so many excuses it's made you green in the face.

you ran and ran and kept running into the trees and they'd always been your friends before. they could be trusted, they wouldn't crush you, they'd stand tall and watch over you as you made your escape, right? they'd started to become strangers the further you went, rising too tall and shaking in a wind you couldn't feel.

at some point you'd had to stop, breathe, there was a pain in your side that you couldn't shake and rest was begging you to take it and hold it. so you did, and your flashlight had started to burn brighter, and brighter still as you'd started walking.

you followed the too bright light in your hand to a fork in the path and you realized quite suddenly and really all at once that you were lost. no way around it. that you had no fucking idea where your partner was and that calling his name would be pointless. yet, you tried, and in response the wind had laughed at you. it had started mocking you, telling you to just turn back, that you'd be lost either way.

too stubborn for your own good you'd continued on and chose the right. or maybe it was the left. or maybe you'd one the left and then another fork led you to the right. whatever direction you took it was one wrong turn after another and you'd heard something you don't remember the sound of but do remember the sudden clawing and suffocating fear it had startled in you and how it made you take off running again. a dead sprint without looking where you were going.

a root had tripped you, sent you sprawled onto the dirt, flashlight smashing and the glass cracking. it still worked, but the light was dimmer, the path less clear than ever. you lost a shoe in the process, tried finding it but couldn't stick around long enough.

you'd gone off running again, owls watching you, their eyes burning into your back, and you were suddenly aware of the fear again and didn't see the pit you were racing towards. about a second too late you realized the hazard ahead, tried to stop, and managed to catch yourself before falling. collapsing to the ground, tears flowed, and there had been a voice. it was kind, it was concerned, it wanted to make sure you were okay.

it wasn't his voice and you knew that much at least and there was something vaguely familiar but you couldn't really place it. you'd trusted it right away, it was so very kind, so very worried. hands had brushed hair out of your face, fingers lifting your chin to look at the source, and the face you saw had been smiling. it wasn't warm, there was a chill in it, but it was the first face you'd seen in hours and it was a welcome thing to find someone.

you didn't think about how he'd found you, not until later, you'd been so tired of running that thoughts had stopped motion.

you remember falling very suddenly and very harshly. you don't remember if you were pushed or if you tripped, the latter being what you were told when you'd asked. you don't remember landing, but eventually you did, you had to, because what you do remember next is standing in the middle of darkness. pure complete darkness surrounding you and that same voice as before was suddenly back, still as sweet and soft and kind and you'd once again trusted it.

it told you it could give you a light, told you it could keep you safe, that you didn't have to keep running and you could rest for a while.

he'd keep you safe.

so, you'd said okay. you agreed to stick around, to take the offered light, to lie down and close your eyes and sleep. he took your hand and pulled you further into the dark and you followed because it was taking you away from where you'd come from even further.

you don't remember stopping, you don't remember something tugging you back and trying to keep you stuck in place, stop you from going deeper into the dark, a new voice popping in your head with a warning siren that did nothing but give you a headache. it wouldn't go away with a shake of your head or gritting your teeth and ignoring it so... you'd stopped. right in the middle of the darkness pressing around you and let go of the kind hand.

two voices in the dark yelling at each other was something you had wanted to get away from and hearing two new ones doing it had made you scream, beg for them to shut up, and suddenly the dark flickered to light for a split second and you remember seeing something impossible. something that had made you scream even louder and sent you running yet again. the light snapped off, you kept running, slamming into something you still swear was human.

the kind voice wasn't so kind anymore but still not something you realized you needed to still be running from. it told you you could still stay, that if you were good you could eventually leave. told you if you went to sleep, did a job, and did it well you would be safe until then. you were scared and young and just wanted to feel safe so... you said okay. took his hand and shook it and fell asleep.

the next thing you remember is: four months later, not a scratch on you, a few new scars on your arms and legs and a coldness to you. you wake up and you're staring in the mirror and it's broken and shattered and there's blood on your hand and it's dripping down your arm but the cuts aren't there.

the memory isn't there. whatever is there is fractured, it's broken.

you're broken and you missed your sixteenth birthday you swear you did but there's a blurry picture of you with little dots all around you and you don't remember clawing your way out of those woods you don't remember being found wandering in the street you don't remember the questions you don't fucking remember rising from your grave.

sometimes, when you think about it too hard, you think you might still be down there, still stuck, still asleep.

you remember the running, remember the falling, remember the fight, and you remember at times falling asleep.

it's a constant back and forth between are you asleep are you awake are you alive, are you even real?

you are, but, you don't know which question that answer is for.

#₊ ⊹ this phantom life sharpens like an image • meta.#₊ ⊹ i wish i was the sunlight just sitting on the mississippi • about.#death tw //#manipulation tw //#injury tw //#unreality tw //#just in case on that one #i'm dropping this and hiding in drafts #there is genuinely so much more i could write but like #the before and the after and the actual what gen forgets will be separate metas #ok bye

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digijade · 1 year

Text

What's up, my fellow trans mascs

So, a couple of weeks ago I got top surgery finally, and I feel great. BUT, there are a few things that nobody warned me about, that I think others should know about who are considering getting top surgery as well.

Now, I know the experience is different for everyone, for example I have an inhumanly strong pain tolerance, so I for the most part wasn't in much pain at all.

ANYWAYS, here's a few things you should definitely be aware of before your transition

WARNING: SOME OF THE THINGS I DESCRIBE MAY BE CONSIDERED A LITTLE GRAPHIC/GROSS. BUT IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT, I ADVISE YOU TO READ ON

This post is not meant to deter people from getting top surgery, this is just so y'all can get a heads-up on some stuff that I was not made aware of before the procedure, that i personally would have liked to know about before. But despite everything, I can proudly say this was absolutely worth it and I am much happier in my body

If you're taking loestrin or any other type of birth control medication to stop your menstrual cycle, the doctors will tell you to stop taking it a month before surgery, and you won't be able to take it until after your surgery is over and you're able to get up and be active again, as there's a risk of getting blood clots in your legs. But yes, this means there's a high chance you're going to get your period during the recovery. So as soon as you're allowed to go back to doing normal activities, get up and be active, so you can safely go back to stopping your menstrual cycle

You are gonna be itchy. Very itchy. I'd say it's worse than the pain, but again I didn't feel any pain

If you're a side sleeper, the first week is gonna be hell, as you will have to sleep propped up, on your back

During the first week, you're probably gonna have a nearly insatiable appetite. This is because your body needs nutrients to use to heal up those incisions.

The drainage tubes. There's so much stuff about the drainage tubes, so here's an entire mini section about those (don't worry though, the tubes only stay in for about a week)

If you're squeamish, don't look at the tubes, as the blood and stuff sometimes starts to coagulate, and it looks pretty gross

The nurse told me to squeeze the tubes to try to push the liquids into the little bottle things attached to the tubes when emptying them. Be very careful when doing this, as this was one of the only times I felt pain during this process. If you don't do it right, sometimes the fluids will drain back into your chest and it HURTS. Sometimes you'll also feel a bit uncomfortable when you're squeezing the tubes to empty them, and the suction from this will pull more fluids out of your chest.

When they remove the tubes from your chest, it feels extremely weird and uncomfortable. No pain, but it's very common to feel extremely nauseated afterwards, so BE PREPARED. I was on the floor of the medical clinics bathroom for about ten minutes, feeling like I was going to throw up at any moment. Best thing to do once you feel like you can get up, is drink apple juice, as well as water. Trust me, it's great getting the tubes removed, but the nausea is REAL

I don't know how common this is, but I took off the bandaids over where the tubes were removed two days after they removed it, and on my left side where the tube was removed, there was a hole in my chest. If this happens, don't panic. Just cover it back up, and put vaseline on the gauze so when it closes up, the scab doesn't stick to the gauze. I made the mistake of not putting vaseline on it, and it got stuck. But the hole did end up closing up and healing after a few more days.

Once you're able to take off your compression vest for short amounts of time, you're going to notice a very pungent smell, like old cheese. Apparently, this is normal, and it's the smell of all the gunk and stuff. I don't know if this only happens if you choose to get nipple grafts, because for me I noticed the smell seemed to originate there. But yeah, it's apparently normal, and best way to deal with it is to wipe up any dead skin and whatever else is near the area daily to keep it from building up.

Nerve damage. I can't feel anything right below the incisions. It kind of feels like when the dentist gives you anesthesia for your mouth when getting a cavity filled. Except the numbness doesn't go away. I personally don't have a problem with this, as I think it's cool that I am permanently unable to feel anything right below my chest. But I still think it's a good thing to get a heads-up for

I know for some of y'all very masculine FTMs/FTNBs out there, y'all gonna want to flex in the mirror to admire yourself. At least I do. Be very careful, because you've still got large incisions healing on your chest. Flex at your own risk

Lastly, a very common side effect of top surgery is extreme euphoria, especially when you can take off the compression vest and admire your new masculine chest in the mirror. Congratulations, you made it. You went through all of this, and you feel unstoppable. You are strong, and brave. Now go show the world who you are, and don't let anyone tell you who you are or aren't supposed to be.

#trans #trans masc #trans ftm #top surgery #ftm surgery #ftm support #ftnb #trans ftnb #fuck gender #trans pride

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fantasies-fairytales-n-fics · 11 months

Text

Code Blue Ch. 25- Code Green

Summary: Long chapter. Josie and Orlando arrive at the hospital and the evening goes from bad to worse with all kinds of drama.

*Warnings* language, angst, mob mentions, trauma, mental illness, self-harm, domestic dispute, infertility, anxiety

Stories Stories Stories Masterlist

Chapter characters: Lee, Josie, Orlando, David, Britt, Sami, Jimmy

Salem, Massachusetts

February 27, 2023

Salem General Hospital- 7pm

The ambulance arrived at the hospital and the EMT's took Orlando inside with you right on their tail. Lee had texted and said he was about 15 minutes away which made you feel better knowing you would soon be in his arms after the nightmare you had just endured.

The police were already there waiting to question Orlando again when he was more coherent. You held his hand and talked to him for a moment before they took him back to a room.

"Hey, how are you feeling? Are you in any pain?" you asked him with a shaky voice.

Orlando smiled at you and told you no, but you knew better. He saw your worried expression and wanted to be strong for you, so he slightly fibbed so you wouldn't be so scared. He knew that fib was nothing compared to what he had to soon lie about, all to keep you safe....and that meant Ethan would go free... and you still wouldn't be safe. Orlando knew Ethan had been into some bad dealings for quite some time and the threat he made against you would and could very well be carried out if he were to be charged and sent to prison so he figured if he kept his brother happy, Ethan would eventually calm down about everything. There was also the matter of his mother and how she would react if her son was sent away because of her other son who had already tore their family apart. It was truly a no win situation but he was going to do what he thought was best for you. He couldn't bear the thought of you being hurt because of him, or at all.

"I know you're lying. It's ok to admit if you're hurting Orlando."

He didn't even get to answer as a doctor came to assess him. After a brief update from the EMT's, the doctor then spoke to you.

'Are you his wife?"

'Oh...n..no. I..I'm his friend." you answered, shocked that he didn't even know who Orlando was. New doctor maybe?

"I'm sorry. You'll have to wait down here if you're not family."

"What? Wait, where are you taking him? I need to go with him, I told him I wouldn't leave him!"

He ignored you and told a nurse to take him up to ten and he would be in shortly, then walked off.

"Seriously???" you miffed. "I'll be right there Orlando." you assured him and reluctantly let go of his hand as they wheeled him off to the elevator.

Where the hell was Britt or Amy, you thought, then took out your phone and began texting both of them. Within a minute as you paced about, Amy responded that she wasn't working and then Britt finally replied and said she was up on ten with David, coincidentally where they were taking Orlando. God, you hadn't seen Dave in so long.

Without even thinking, you found yourself on the highly feared elevator, closing your eyes and holding your breath the entire time as you clutched the hand rail, picturing Lee beside you.

As the doors opened, you bolted out, releasing your breath and saw Dave headed in your direction, obviously looking for you.

"Dave! Oh my god!" you panted and threw your arms around him.

"Josie, sweetheart, you're shaking. What's going on??" he asked as he held you so tightly. "Britt told me you were on your way up here. Are you alright?"

"No..no I'm not. They brought Orlando up here and the doctor wouldn't let me go with him."

"Yeah, I just saw them taking him into a room. Josie what the hell happened?"

"His brother Ethan is what happened. Please tell me you're going to be taking care of him??? I don't like that other doctor. I think he's missing a heart"

"Hey, don't worry. He's in good hands and once then get him stable, they'll let you see him."

"Can't you go check on him? Tell him I'm right outside and that Lee is on his way? Just so he feels better?"

Dave's eyes became curious. "Yeah Josie, sure....I..I um... didn't realize you you and Dr. Bloom...or Dr. Pace were...that close. But ten again I haven't heard from you since Jason's funeral over a month ago. I take it you and I over?" he said with a grin.

Dave was always a pretty reserved guy, so his comment slightly threw you. You understood it though because you had made up that lie to Lee about you and Dave dating...and you had also neglected your friendship with him ever since then and you had never done that before.

"I know...I'm so sorry. It was so very stupid and insensitive of me to do that. SO much had and has been going on...I'm sorry, I'm just spewing out such lame excuses and..."

"Josie...it's alright. Life happens. I get it. So are you and Lee....a..thing now?"

"Jo!" Lee called to you as he got off the elevator.

The sound of his voice was pure music to your ears. As you whipped around, Lee was right there, desperately pulling you into his arms, cradling your head in his hand as he closed his eyes with an intense sigh of relief. He then leaned back and kissed your forehead and gently but vigorously rubbed each side of your face.

"Baby, are you alright? Tell me you weren't hurt."

"I'm ok, I swear. It's Orlando that's hurt pretty badly and they won't let me see him yet. Maybe they'll let you...since you're a doctor here?? Dave, can Lee go in??"

David stared at you for a moment, realizing from your loving meet and greet with Lee, that his question was confirmed.

"I'm sorry. I wish that he could, but with his suspension and all..."

"Hey, it's ok man. I called Orlando's sister. She and Jimmy are on their way."

"I'm going to go check on him like you asked." Dave said with a light smile and left.

"Lee, is that a good idea after what happened with Jimmy? Sam was really cruel to Orlando. I saw it."

"Despite their differences, Sami loves him. Can we...go talk for a moment? Somewhere not so crowded."

He led you around the corner into the hall and you could feel it. He was upset that you went over there and understandably had a lot of questions.

"Jo..." he simply said and stared down at the floor, then finally brought his eyes to you and spoke softly. "What were you thinking? Going there alone?"

"I...I tried to call you first, but you didn't answer and..I could feel something was wrong. Orlando had left me a voicemail earlier and he just didn't sound right. It was like he was desperately needing to talk to someone, but I could hear it in his tone. Lee, there was fear....and I called him back tonight and he tried to say he was fine, but then I heard Ethan shouting at him...and then he just hung up. I called again but he wouldn't answer and so I texted him. Shortly after, he texted back and that's when I could truly tell something was wrong, by what he said, but I now believe it wasn't even him because I called again and Ethan answered his phone. He tried to tell me Orlando was fine and up in a room with a girl and that he had saw your post, which I then looked and saw Orlando supposably gave it an angry reaction...but Lee, you and I both know he isn't that petty."

"Are you so sure about that? Look what he did with Megan."

'Yeah I know, but also look how incredibly sorry he was...I don't know Lee. But I'm telling you, Ethan did this. I mean, you even believe he tried to run us off the road. Like...I just feel Orlando was trying to warn me about something, but chickened out. You know Ethan better than anyone Lee. Is he capable of this?? Hurting his own brother like that?"

Lee stared off down the hall momentarily. "I've seen it before, his anger."

"At Orlando??"

"I have...and at me, but this? Stabbing him? Jo, did you see it happen?"

"Well...no but Lee...how else did it happen? Orlando was too out of it to say anything and Ethan had the audacity to say Orlando did this to himself. I'm sorry, but that's bullshit."

"I guess we wait to see what Orlando says. I wish he would have called me and not you. You should not have been anywhere around Ethan..."

"He didn't call you because he thinks you hate him... Lee, what are you not telling me. I can see it all over your face. You're worried about something. Talk to me...please. I'm not your enemy... Let me in...I love you."

Lee caved at your words and kissed your forehead again, the pulled you against him, wanting to tell you everything so badly.

"I love you so much Jo. What I am worried about is you...and Orlando. Of course I don't hate him."

"Then please tell him that. I really think he needs to hear it and know that you're in his corner. You...don't believe he hurt himself, do you?"

"I don't want to. I just know that he has had a lot of mental problems and I can't judge him or anyone. Look at the things I have done when I was not in my right mind."

"So...you think that it's possible?"

"I pray it's not true because this will really impact his life...his career even. I know how that goes first hand as you also know. Everything now depends on his statement. Come on, let's go see if there's any updates."

You obliged and went with him, knowing damn well Lee was holding back on something. Something that terrified him.

As you and Lee came around the corner, Sam and Jimmy were speaking with Britt, who's eyes fell in shame when she saw the two of you.

"Jimmy, hey man!" Lee enthusiastically said as they both shared a manly back patting hug. "Glad to finally see you. Hey Sam. You guys, this is Josie...my girlfriend." he then said with a cute smile at you and squeezed your hand. To hear him say it officially to someone else made the butterflies wake up.

"Hey." she softly said, looking very agitated. "Thanks for calling me Lee. Sorry we couldn't make it to the funeral. You can see why, all thanks to Orlando."

She glanced up at her husband's rainbow colored bruising that consumed one of his eyes.

"Nice to meet you Josie...Sam, come on. Give the kid a break. It was an accident." Jimmy said in defense of his brother in law.

"How many breaks do you think he should have Jim? And now Ethan is in jail because of him. I need some coffee while we wait." she snapped and walked off to the waiting room.

Something about Britt's reaction caught your immediate attention at the mention of Ethan's name.

'Any update on Orlando?" Lee asked her.

"Uhh...yes, he's....um, Dr. Conrad is with him currently down in radiology. That's all I can offer at this time."

"I better go sit with my wife. You guys want to come?" Jimmy asked.

"Britt...can I talk to you for a minute?" you asked as she hesitated making eye contact with you. "Lee, you go ahead. I'll be right there."

"Sure baby."

He kissed your forehead again and left with Jimmy. Britt then tried to escape.

"I really need to get back to my rounds Josie."

"Oh noooo you don't." you retorted and pulled her into the hall.

"Josie, seriously, if this is about the other night, how many more times can I apologize? I drank too much and said things i shouldn't have."

"Nope not about that. What do you about Ethan?"

"Who?"

"Oh cut the shit Britt. I saw your face. You know something, now spill it."

"I don't want involved in it Josie. I think it's now obvious that he's bad news."

"And you're going to tell me why that is? I'm not leaving until you do. I swear I will follow you around all night if I have to."

"Ok ok! God. I just...the other day, at the funeral...I..I knew he looked familiar but..I couldn't place him then. But when she just said his name..."

"Britt?? Tell me!"

"I've seen him with Jason before ok?? and...the Zacchara's."

You spaced out for a moment in disbelief, then your hand made it's way to cover your mouth as your eyes widened.

"Oh..my god....are...you sure???"

"Yes...I mean, he had shorter hair then, but I know it was him. It was on the Haunted Star and there was some gambling event going on. He was into it big time. A high roller."

"My father's boat...where the hell was I??"

"Off with Gerry somewhere as usual. I don't know."

"Josie...Lee was with him. So was that big mouth brother of his. Gavin?"

"Gordon..." you whispered in complete shock.

"Yeah, that's it. But that's all I know. I never had any reason back then to think anything of it....until now."

"Yeah except that Lee was there and the Zacchara's are one of the families....and not exactly friends with Jason and Sonny."

"Look, Jason's business was his business. I didn't question him because you know as well as I do that he would never tell us anything. Lee, I can assure you was not involved in any of that world. Just there having a good time. That's all I know Josie. I really have to go."

Britt left and you just stood there reeling over this new confusing information for a few minutes, then went to find Lee to hopefully get more clarity on this from him. You knew Lee didn't know Jason but that didn't mean he didn't know what Ethan was involved in....and judging by Lee's behavior earlier, you suspected he did know....and that there was more to his and Ethan's relationship than what was revealed.

You joined Lee, Sam and Jimmy in the waiting room as they were all talking. Lee noticed your sullen face and he took your hand as you sat down beside him.

"Jo? Everything alright?"

"Yeah..we can talk later."

He half smiled, sensing that it wasn't going to be a pleasant talk.

"I really should go and see Ethan so I can hear his side of things." Sam randomly said.

"Come on Sam." Jimmy said. "Ethan's a big boy and he made his bed. Orlando is hurt and lying in a hospital bed."

She didn't like that response at all and became visibly upset.

"Yeah, just like he hurt you and put you in a hospital bed. Ethan wouldn't do this Jim. Orlando has serious problems and people get hurt because of him, including himself....and Mum, fuck...how do I tell her any of this?"

"Look, I know Orlando has problems but that night...he didn't know it was me. It was just...blind rage. It could have been anyone."

'Well...I'm beginning to see where half of Orlando's problems stem from. Thank you Jimmy, for defending him. At least someone sees the truth." you bluntly said and stormed out.

Lee's eyes grew in shock as he sucked in a heavy breath and exhaled, then he abruptly stood up. "I'm uh...going to go check on her and Orlando too."

You wandered into a small empty waiting room down the hall, sat down with your head in your hands and internally screamed. Sure, you didn't know everything about Orlando, but this, you just knew.

"Hey."

You popped your head up to see Dave leaning on the doorway, looking at you with his benevolent blues.

"Dave...how did..."

"I could hear you screaming internally from down the hall......annnd, I...saw you come in here." he said with a soft smile. "You ok?"

"I'll be fine. Did you get to speak to Orlando??"

"They gave him a sedative for the pain and to calm him, but he's fighting it. He's pretty worried about something."

"I'm pretty sure I know what that is. What about his injuries?"

"I can't discuss that with you, you know that."

"Ok, then get me and Lee in to see him. Please. He'll calm down if he has someone there he trusts and is on his side."

"I would, but the police are waiting too."

"Well, you said he's sedated right? So, he's still not in any shape to speak with them. Please, David. Don't let them see him. Get us in there first. I'm worried he'll tell them something he will regret."

"I'll see what I can do."

Dave left, almost running into Lee as he did so.

"Jo."

You got right up and went to him, wrapping your arms around his waist and snuggling into his chest.

"I'm so sorry Lee. You must be so embarrassed by my little tantrum back there. Sam just makes me so mad! She cares more about Ethan sitting in jail than she does about Orlando lying in a hospital bed, bloodied and beaten."

Lee held you tight and slightly rocked you. "I know. It's just how Sami is. Don't be sorry. Your passion is one of the many things I love about you Jo."

You tilted your head back and stared up at him with sad eyes. "I also feel a little guilty too. I mean...her husband was badly hurt...and...if that were you...I know I'd be the same way. If someone ever hurt you Lee, I'd..."

Your words were ceased by a soft full kiss, sending your wide awake butterflies fluttering up into your chest.

"God I've wanted to do that from the moment I got here tonight." Lee whispered against your lips. A tiny whimper snuck out of your mouth as you pulled his lips back to yours and for a few moments, you both forgot where you were as Lee backed you up against the wall.

You could feel someone was there, in which you opened your eyes and could just see over Lee's shoulder. Dave had come back.

"Sorry. I...I didn't want to..interrupt." he said, noticeably discomfited by what he saw.

"Dave...I...ummm...did you...see Orlando?"

"Yeah, he's uh...he's asking for you....the police will be held off until tomorrow. I can't go into detail. Orlando can fill you in. I uh...gotta run. See ya...later."

"Dave wait...."

You ran up to the doorway but the heartbroken doctor kept going.

"Damn it." you sadly huffed.

"I'm sorry Jo...I shouldn't have went so crazy with the PDA.."

"No, god no Lee. It's not your fault. Please go crazy with it." you giggled and kissed him again. "I...I just wanted to tell him myself. Oh well. I can't do anything about it now. I'll talk to Dave later. Let's go see Orlando."

As you and Lee came up to his cubicle, you could hear the conversation between him and a nurse.

"Dr. Bloom. I have your admittance and consent for surgery papers right here for you to sign."

"And how shall you say I do that when I'm right handed and my right hand is shit?"

"Your left hand will do just fine. I am a witness."

""I don't need surgery. Just stitch it."

"Dr. Bloom. Respectfully, you're a doctor. Surely you're aware that this type of would cannot be stitched. I cannot force you to have surgery, but if you do not, you will lose full use of your hand."

Reluctantly, Orlando signed it in big capital letters. "Tell Nurse Teresa if she can't read that, she needs fucking glasses. The kind that make your eyes bug out of your head."

You and Lee looked at each other and silently laughed.

"Annnnd he's back..." Lee chuckled as you both went inside the curtain.

Orlando's eyes fattened at the sight of Lee.

"Your gown is there in that closet. I'll leave you to your company and they'll be back to prep you in about an hour." the Nurse explained to Orlando.

"I know that...I work here remember?"

The Nurse rolled her eyes and left, making Lee chuckle some more.

"Hey banando, come here man. That's if you're not too stoned to stand up."

Watching Lee embrace his best friend had your eyes stinging with tears. No matter their spats, they would always care for each other and that was just so beautiful to you.

"Soooo, this is how I am forgiven? By ending up in the hospital.." Orlando grinned.

"Who said I forgive you?" Lee smirked. "Just fucking with you man. Of course I forgive you. You can thank Jo here for that."

Orlando looked at you with sullen eyes and came over to you.

"I'm so sorry for all of this and I do not even have words for what you did for me."

"You're ok. Well, mostly....That's all that matters. Just give me a hug and I'll be happy." you replied as your tears finally fell.

Orlando softly smiled and pulled you to him with his good hand.

"Thank you." he whispered into your ear.

Sam and Jimmy then walked in and Orlando's somewhat happy face fell flat at the sight of his sister's angry face and his brother in law's bruised one.

"Jimmy man...I am so damn sorry..."

"It was an accident man. How many times do I gotta say it? We're good ok? Now I just want you to be good."

"So, are you going to say Ethan did this and send him to prison? You got Mum all worried again." is all Sami could manage to say.

"What the hell did you tell her?"

"Oh you mean how you and you're....whatever she is put Ethan in jail?"

Your mouth dropped open at this bitch's nerve and Lee jumped right on it.

"Hey, Sam...don't do that. Jo saw Orlando was hurt and she did the right thing. At some point in your life, you're going to have to see the truth on things, so don't go blaming my girlfriend or my best friend for Ethan's fuck ups."

"Lee, thanks man but don't bother. I'm going to go call Mum so I don't have to stand here and listen to my own sister berate me today. Feel free to leave Sam. I have everyone I need here." Orlando snapped and walked out to the payphone.

She and Jimmy then began arguing with Lee trying to calm them, so you crept over to the doorway to watch Orlando in case he needed help, but you stayed back far enough to give him privacy....although you could still hear him and he didn't know it.

"Hey Mum. I'm alright, don't worry. A little surgery and I'll be good as new. No Mum..it will be fine. It was all just a big misunderstanding. An accident. Ethan will be free soon enough once I get to speak to the police. Yes, tomorrow I think. It will all be alright. Try not to worry anymore ok? I'll call you later when I can. I love you too Mum. bye."

Orlando hung up and lightly jumped when he saw you.

"Did I just hear you tell your Mother that it was an accident and that Ethan would soon be free?"

"What??" Lee said as he had just came out to find you.

"Look, I don't want to get into this right now with either of you. I am fine now. I thank you both so much for coming, but you can go now."

"Like hell." Lee snapped.

"Lee man, this is my business. Let me handle it."

"You look me in the eyes right now and tell me Ethan did not do this to you, because it is no accident when someone stabs someone."

"I never said anyone stabbed me. Look, I was drinking and fucking around with his knife, you know, the finger game. I missed."

"You mean to tell us that you were playing five finger fillet. I saw the wound Orlando. There were three punctures and last time I checked, you are right handed, which is the hand that is injured. So you accidentally stabbed yourself THREE times with your LEFT hand." you asked in extreme disbelief.

"Ok Josie...you got me. You heard Ethan. I did it to myself. I'm off my fucking meds and I hurt myself. I do it a lot. Is that better?"

"Lando man. Don't do this. Don't throw your career away for Ethan, because you know that's what will happen if you tell them you intentionally hurt yourself. He ain't worth this man! Look at the mess I'm in over my poor choices."

"That ain't the same and you know it Lee. You're being investigated for medical negligence."

"The hell it isn't. Some of my poor choices involved Ethan just as your poor choices do because you're protecting him for some unknown fucking reason."

"I'm not protecting him, I'm...you know what. I'm done here. I need to go change."

"You see?? I knew this was your fault!" Sam said as he followed him back into his room, in which Orlando went in the bathroom and slammed the door shut.

"Leave him the fuck alone already! I do believe he told you to leave." you shouted at her.

"I'm sorry, just who the hell do you think you are??"

"I'm someone, unlike you, that actually cares about him. Jesus, no fucking wonder his mind is a god damn mess. You and Ethan are toxic!"

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you fucking Lee and not Orlando...or ARE you?"

That did it. You lunged at her but were swept right off your feet by Lee's arms around your waist while Jimmy held Sam back.

"Oh looks like I hit a nerve!" She shouted.

"Yeah, the I'm gonna kick your ass nerve!" you shouted back, struggling to free yourself from Lee's unbreakable grip.

'Enough!!" Orlando barked as he came out of the bathroom with another door slam. "Jimmy, man, get her out of here and don't bring her back."

"Sam! Let's go. Now!" Jimmy snapped as he stood in front of her.

She scowled at him and stormed out in tears. You jerked your arm free as Lee finally let you go.

"Why the hell did you stop me!?"

"Oh I don't know Jo, maybe so you didn't end up in a cell beside Ethan!"

"Ok, well I've had enough of this night. You can both go. I'll be fine. I'm going to the chapel for a bit to clear my fucking head before it explodes." Orlando vexed and left.

"Hey, I'm coming with you man." Lee called out. "Jo...I need you to go home."

"What??? I'm not leaving? He's going to have surgery soon and I'm not leaving you. Lee, I'm sorry I got all bent out of shape but she had it coming."

"Hey, look at me baby." he softly said and took your face in his hands. "I'm not mad. You're right, She did deserve it. Just let me stay here with him and try to talk some damn sense into him. I'll stay here through his surgery and after so he's not alone. I swear to you I will call you if anything is wrong. Just let me spend a little time with him by myself. I know him better than anyone and I'm going to do my best to try and get through to him about Ethan."

"I understand that. I..I just don't want to leave you. I can let you go be with him. I'll stay in the waiting room. I rode a fucking elevator to get up here tonight, I'll have you know."

"Jo, no. Please baby. Go home and get some rest. It's late and you have moving to do in the morning remember? I will still meet with you for lunch if all goes well here and you can come see him, and we can then go to the farm like we planned. Jo...please. For me. You've been through enough tonight. I will feel so much better knowing you're at home. Ethan's in jail so you'll be safe. I've got until tomorrow to get the truth out of Orlando, so just let me try."

"Is...there a reason I wouldn't be if he were out??"

Lee knew he shouldn't have said that part. "I just meant that, I don't know what Ethan is thinking right now."

"You mean that you are worried that he blames me for this."

"Jo...I'll call you when he's out of surgery."

"Deflecting. Typical. You know...I'm a hell of a lot smarter than you give me credit for and I know you're keeping something from me. That's what I wanted to talk to you about because I though we agreed about no more secrets...but...I guess it will have to wait."

You picked up your purse and marched out.

"Jo, babe!" Lee called after you but you ignored him and kept going, in tears.

"Fuck!" he shouted and then took off after Orlando.

"Josie!" Dave shouted as he saw you about to leave and came trotting up behind you.

You quickly tried to wipe your tears but he saw you.

"Heyy, why are you crying?? and...leaving?"

"Dave, I'm fine."

"No you're not. Sit down...please." he asked and placed his hand on your arm to guide you to the couch in the lobby.

You reluctantly sat down and he sat across form you.

"What happened? Talk to me. You know, we always used to talk...about everything. I miss that josie. I miss you." he said and leaned down to take your hands into his.

"I know. I miss you too, but..."

"But what?"

"There's just so much going on and I just want to go home. That's all."

"Like...with Lee? You two...are together now huh?"

"Dave, I reeeeally don't want to talk to you about Lee."

"I thought, besides my sister, that I was your best friend. I suppose...he is now?"

"David...don't do this. Not now."

"I just asked a simple question Josie. What's so hard about that? To tell me about your life?"

"Because I'm in love with him..." you blurted out in frustration.

Dave released your hands and sat back up with a look of shock and disbelief.

"I...see..."

"Dave, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to just spit it out like that."

"There's nothing to be sorry about. You can't help who you love. I should know."

His beeper went off and he checked it. "I need to go. I hope you will be happy. That's all I've ever wanted for you. Bye Josie."

Dave got up and left with pure anguish in his eyes, leaving you feeling like total shit and worried you may now lose him, for he pretty much just admitted how he felt about you, which you've always suspected. You adored him but you just didn't have those kinds of feelings for him. It was all Lee. It had always been Lee even before you knew him.

Lee entered the empty chapel and sat down beside Orlando and then just told him his own truth about Ethan's voicemails and what happened at the funeral reception.

"Now do you understand man. You can't let Ethan get away with this. He's dangerous. I just never realized how much until now."

"No, you don't understand Lee. I've made up my mind and what you just told me made it a hell of a lot easier and showed me I'm doing the right thing."

"The right thing? And what is that? Lando man, come on. I'm your best friend. Tell me what's going on."

"And I'm your best friend. You've been through enough shit too ya know. You and Josie both. If I don't....man things will just get worse, so just leave this alone."

"I think you know that's not even an option. You're going to throw away everything you've worked so hard for and for what? Ethan?? I know damn...oh... I mean darn...sorry up there." Lee said in panic as he glanced up at the cross. "I know you didn't do this to yourself and you'll never convince me otherwise, or anyone else for that matter. If you're this determined to go through with it, then at least go with your first lie, that you accidentally did it. God, I cannot believe I'm sitting here in a church, conspiring with you."

"Then don't. I don't want you or Josie involved in my messes."

"I think it's a little too late for that don't you? I mean, did you not just hear what I told you about his messages? and what he told Josie at the reception?"

"Look, I don't need you here. Just go back to Josie and live happily ever after ok?"

"Man, don't do that. You knew, you've known for how long how I feel about her."

"And?? What's your point Lee?"

Lee sighed and closed his eyes. "I...I'm in love with her...and she's in love with me."

"So I've seen."

"I know you didn't make that reaction on my post either. Ethan had this all worked out to his advantage so he could blame you for his jealousy."

"I came here to be alone...but since I can't, I'll just go back to my room. I'm not changing my mind. You're wasting your time. Go home Lee."

Orlando got up and walked out, but Lee followed him.

"I know why you're doing this! You're not protecting him, you're protecting her. He threatened her didn't he? If you put him in prison. I'm right aren't I? and you're also doing this because....you're in love with her."

Orlando froze as he listened to Lee spell out the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help him God, and then, he just kept walking.

You got home to a dark house. "Mom??" you called out as you turned on all the lights, for you hated the dark. There was no answer. "Meggggan??" you then called out as your rolled your eyes. No answer to that either.

You then found a note on the kitchen table form your mom that said she was out and would be back soon.

"Where the hell would she go at this time of night?" you muttered to yourself as you read it.

You then went up to your room and poured another glass of the wine you were drinking during your bath and downed it and then got undressed, putting on a robe.

You were way too wound up to even attempt to sleep, so you put on some music and sat on the bed with your laptop while you drank some more wine.

Immediately, you found Ethan's page through Orlando's, but of course it was all private. You blocked him and set yours to private as well so he couldn't stalk you from someone else's account like he did tonight. Before you did that, you noticed Lee hadn't done the same, which you guessed he didn't do it because Ethan would just cause more trouble over it.

Now that you took care of that, you began typing.

"I liked you before I even had a chance to brush my hand against yours that day in the hospital. I was attracted to your soul before I had a chance to kiss your lips that night in your car. I fell for your mind before I knew your body that night at the lake house. I loved you in such a short time because I waited a lifetime for you.....Forever I will love you now."

Lee sat in the waiting room while they prepped Orlando. He wasn't going to leave even if Orlando didn't want him there. In his boredom, he got online. What he really wanted to do was call you so he could hear your voice and tell you how sorry he was, for he just couldn't take knowing you were upset with him. But he decided to let you cool off and he didn't want to wake you if you were sleeping.

Lee then saw your post and he instantly teared up.

"Right back at ya baby girl." he commented and then posted a song on your page.

"Forever my Jo."

youtube

When you saw his reply and the song, you smiled so big and gave it a heart reaction, then hit play and finished off your wine. After it was over, you went to brush your teeth and try to go to bed. As you placed the toothpaste on the brush, your heart skipped a beat when you saw your birth control pills laying there...that you forgot to take for almost 5 days. With everything going on, you literally had forgotten. You weren't sure why you became worried because the only reason you even took them was solely for lighter periods and cramping. You weren't sexually active before Lee and it wouldn't have mattered if you were because after an accident you had when you were with Gerry, you were told you couldn't have children. A single gunshot took that away from you. One of the cons of having a cop for a boyfriend and a mob related brother.

Now you realized why you slightly freaked out. Being with Lee and being so happy, you had also forgotten of your inability to conceive...but Lee didn't know. What would he think? How would he feel? Surely he would want kids again someday, for you saw how he was with them and how much he loved Jacob. That night at his other house with Dash. Watching them together, Lee was so good with him and you remembered how it triggered you.

So many thoughts swirled through your mind now. Would Lee even want another child after Jacob? That was the main thought. Could or would he ever be able to love another child in that way? How could you ever even tell him about this? Would he still want you if he did want more kids and knew you couldn't give them to him?

There went your anxiety and you began to cry. You told yourself over and over that Lee loved you and it wouldn't matter, but how could you really know? It's not like that had never been a deal breaker for anyone before. But Lee, he was different wasn't he? He loved you more didn't he? All of his beautiful words and actions, they had to mean that he did, didn't it?

You couldn't take it anymore and climbed into bed, eventually crying yourself to sleep, for you also had a secret.

@redeemer46

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